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haphazardlyannotated · 9 months

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So I was thinking about how Steven, Connie and Stevonnie all have a duet with one of the main Crystal Gems and I realised how masterfully these songs are deployed to tell us things about them.

First of all, On The Run for Steven and Amethyst.

Amethyst is the Crystal Gem who relates the most to Steven's experiences and vice versa. They're both the 'juniors' in their household, they've both been struggling with being respected by the older Crystal Gems for a while now, and though Amethyst is very much Steven's guardian when it comes down to it, she's also Steven's peer in a way that Garnet and Pearl just aren't even when they try to include Steven.

And now this song sets them up as parallels in other contexts, too. They're both from earth! They both don't wholly belong in one category (Steven as a half gem, half human, Amethyst as a Crystal Gem who never fought in the rebellion and whose existence runs against the Crystal Gems' original wishes for Earth), and as we are about to learn, they both came into existence at the cost of other life and might harbour guilt about it, even though they had literally no say in this.

And then later on they continue to be parallels, especially in season 3 (though they share the child of divorce energy during the Sardonyx Arc). They both compare themselves to impossible standards of what they 'should' be (Steven to the idea of Rose, Amethyst to Jasper) and it is their recognition of their own struggles in each other that allows them to at least partially overcome them. No wonder Smoky Quartz is Steven's first fusion with another gem!

Next up: Do It For Her, sung by Pearl and Connie.

Speaking of parallels! It's pretty obvious watching the episode that Pearl is spending some time in projection city regarding absolute devotion to a beloved, if not revered partner, but she might actually be closer to the truth in some respects than she realises.

Remember Lion 2: The Movie? When Connie said that she didn't understand why Steven would hang out with someone as normal as her? Doesn't this remind us of someone else who feels like she's objectively inferior to a special (in several ways) someone? Someone who stepped out of the predetermined role she was supposed to fill to join her loved one on their dangerous path? Who lived a double life to avoid retribution from controlling authority figures? Couldn't say.

Also, they're both the knowledgable planner to their all loving goofball partner.

With all of this, I think Do It For Her both draws parallels between Pearl and Connie as well as Pearlrose and Connverse, and shows us how the example of Pearl and Rose's unresolved dysfunction could stop Steven and Connie from falling into the same trap before it was too late. I think seeing Pearl demonstrate the end of the road they were beginning to walk was what enabled Steven to step in before they got to Pearlrose's point, where Pearl was to deep in her self sacrificing mindset for Rose to reach her.

And finally, Here Comes A Thought for Garnet and Stevonnie.

First of all, obviously, Garnet and Stevonnie as an embodiment of the love and harmony between Ruby and Sapphire and Steven and Connie respectively.

It also draws parallels between Ruby and Connie and Steven and Sapphire though. (I saw a great meta about that in my lurking days, which I will link here if someone could kindly direct me to it). Sapphire and Steven as people who would rather bury negative feelings, like Sapphire tries to in Keystone Motel and Steven in... the entirety of suf to name just the most prominent one. Which of course only leads to more problems in the long run, because they haven't processed the feelings at all.

On the other hand, the comparison with Ruby draws attention to a trait of Connie's we maybe wouldn't have noticed otherwise: She is, for the lack of a better term, much more confrontational about things that make her unhappy. Just look at The New Crystal Gems.

Also, letting Ruby and Sapphire demonstrate their conflict resolution for Steven and Connie gives us an insight into what goes into keeping Garnet together through everything. Love takes work indeed. It's also worth pointing out that Connverse have been paralleled with both Pearlrose, Rupphire and (a little bit in We Need To Talk) Gregrose this way.

This show has so many layers, I swear, I'll be on my deathbed and I'll still find new nuances to write an essay about. Well done, Crewniverse.

#su #steven universe #crystal gems #su garnet #su amethyst #su pearl #su steven #connie maheswaran #stevonnie #su ruby #su sapphire #pearlrose #connverse #rupphire #meta #there's probably more but i'm tired and my brain is turning into cream cheese despite my vegan diet #so you get this #cheers!

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mcrmadness · 1 year

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Between everything you enjoy (drawing, writing, music bands, animals, etc.) what is the thing you care most about, and why?

Owwww, now you asked a really difficult question! I like a nice balance between them all, but I think the two strongest ones are: animals and drawing/arts/creativity.

I don't know if I can put them in order tho, as they are so different from each other and both are things I have grown up with, and without which I would not be able to live.

More under the cut:

Basically I like other animals more than I like humans. Especially cats. You can always, always trust them in being honest. They rarely fake anything, but what's more important is that they will be honest about how they are feeling and they will show if they care about you and they are never just pretending to like you. They also show it if they don't like you, and animals are great at sensing which people are not that friendly with animals. Our late dog was super good at spotting people like these, she had never really met my cousin's boyfriend's dad but when she did, she just disliked him and did not want to go near him at all - and he did not really like animals and isn't the nicest around them despite also having a dog. And our late dog generally liked all people, and she had only a few (usually men) that she seemed to be afraid of right from the first second of seeing them. And she never ever liked those men.

And then the arts. Like, I have been drawing ever since I was able to hold a pen. There are papers in a folder my mom collected about me for the first 3,5 years of my life before my younger siblings were born, and occasionally I had been drawing things too. Nothing particular since I was a toddler, but some of them look eerily like faces. And I had some phase where everything I was drawing was either ghosts or boogeymen or similar monsters but looks like I was rather liking those than being afraid of them. I don't even know where I picked those up, unless it was from the Moomin tv series, even tho the Groke was very scary :D (The Groke's Finnish name, Mörkö, is also the Finnish word for "boogeyman"!)

So like. Drawing and arts have obviously has always been very important hobby to me and still continue to be that. It's a way of expressing myself, and to feel good about myself. Especially nowadays after I got over the teenage-perfectionism and understood that the process of making art is not just going uphill, but it's series of uphills and downhills and you're always going uphill eventually. Sure it comes with the problem of "do I have the audience and if not, will I ever find my audience?" People keep telling me that I will find my audience, but when it just doesn't happen, you start to lose hope and start to look for errors not only in your art, but also in yourself. You can always turn it around and think "well I'm just different and have different taste", but it will always keep coming back to you questioning yourself and wondering if it could actually be that there's just something wrong with you instead of you just being quirky and unique. So, it's an isolating feeling at its worst. Constant rollercoaster between these two ends.

Anyway, because of what I just said, I think I'm gonna answer to this: animals. Working with horses was the best kind of therapy I have ever had. Cats make me laugh and happy. Dogs are nice too even tho I'm more of a cat person (and no dog is like how our late dog was, still missing her every day <3). Horses are amazing. Rats are fun too. I like all animals really. I just like existing in the same room with them, watching them and maybe communicating with them. I wish to see elephants some day. I already saw giraffes in Berlin zoo which was amazing - we were there too late so we did not see the elephants, but at least the giraffe house was still open! So yeah. Animals. They're so much better than humans and have never betrayed me.

Thanks for the ask! ^^ /gen

#fichtfoxfuchs #ask games #answered asks

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heretherebedork · 2 years

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Ok this may be kind of long so please bear with me. It seems like VegasPete are better suited for the Mafia lifestyle than KinnPorsche. I like BLs but at times it seems too sweet...almost cavity inducing. That's why I like a bit of a darker show (TharnType was the first BL I was actually interested in watching if that gives any context) so although I can enjoy most series, I am usually not fully engaged. But when this series was announced I was hooked immediately. And from what I see so far it seems clear that KinnPorsche could exist outside the mafia which is why the date episode didn't seem strange or out of character. Porsche is trying to adapt but you can tell he is an outsider because of his humanity. Kinn is doing what is expected of him which is why I get his dad's concern of him being in love because deep down he is truly just a lovable sap. Yes Kinn can be cut throat but I think that's survival and maintaining the image especially after the lessons learned from his last relationship. But I don't believe this is who he truly is or wants to be. I view them like chocolate; has different sweetness levels, sometimes messy, great in all different recipes/environments and just overall enjoyable(Pt1.)

(Pt2.) VegasPete on the other had are my SourPatch babies. Vegas is sour to all and sweet to who he let's in whereas Pete is sweet to all but will show his sour side to the right person. I can't imagine Vegas in a regular life that doesn't involve violence and deception because that's just who he is. Pete I feel is a chameleon where he can naturally fit into any environment that's why his goofy sweet moments are as reasonable as his darker complex moments. (These characters assessments are purely based on spoilers as we haven't had a chance to fully see both sides of VegasPete yet). I feel Pete probably didn't have moral dilemmas about his job and the violence required like we have seen with Porsche. For him if someone had to die they just had to die rather than their being a purpose or an end goal which is why I think he will do well as Vegas' partner because with him there might not be a reason. All this was to say that I can imagine Kinn as head of the minor family where he isn't as deeply involved in the mafia as he currently is and is viewed as a hard but decent business man to the community with Porsche. VegasPete I could see as being the head running the underworld with whatever means necessary to keep others in line. Like having a public face to the company (KinnPorsche) and the illusive CEO (VegasPete).

Ah, so we have very different taste as TharnType was one BL that had me mostly pissed off because nothing had real consequences and all the drama felt manufactured specifically to play into scenarios that didn't work well for me. That is always interesting to know. And that's what makes this so interesting to me.

In any other BL? I'd be eating up these cute scenes. I normally love them. I normally adore them. But here? It doesn't feel right. It doesn't sit well for me. I just can't get past the two halves of the relationship they share to find the whole.

I get that they're going for that but my problem is that the way they show those sides isn't working for me. I get that it is for most people and I wish it was for me but the tonal shifts and changes are just making my head spin instead of drawing me more into their loving relationship.

A lot of people are talking about how this episode is needed to explain why they love each other but for me this episode already assumed that they loved each other and went from there. I don't know any more why they love each other or what they're doing together or why from this episode because I feel like we skipped a whole bunch of that because it was all tied into trauma and they can't handle that alongside the fluff.

But anyway.

Yeah, anon, I get what you're saying and what they're trying, it just doesn't work for me.

As for VegasPete... I just don't know. I feel like there's a lot of things going on with them that are gonna turn out different than we expect.

I mean, honestly, at this point I expect the same tonal issues with them so I'm no longer trusting anything I've been trying to analyze or predict because the tonal shifts means I can't.

I'll probably still try once I get another chance.

But... expectations set to confusing.

(no book spoilers)

#no tags here #spoiler #spoilers

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multiverse-of-mischief · 1 year

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im a little late but i want to do some of these anyway so im going to do some past ones here if you don't mind :) (days 1-5)

1 April:

The typical introduction question! Tell us something about yourself. If you can't think of anything, try these: What do you enjoy to do in your free time? What music or series/show do you like? Are you happy with your current living situation/the people you live with? What's one of your favourite foods?

my name is equinox! i like to play pokemon, write stories and draw :D

i LOVE alice in borderland at the moment, i also like those crappy dating shows like too hot to handle lmao

éclairs are one of the best things ive ever eaten and i think i could eat rice all day i love it so much

i do tend to exaggerate things a lot lol, maybe it's something i picked up from people around me or maybe ive just always enjoyed it i don't really know, i'll try and mark it when i do with '[exaggeration]' :)

2 April:

When were you diagnosed and when did you know that you're autistic? If you're self-diagnosed, when did you first suspect that you're autistic and when were you sure?

currently i am in the process of being diagnosed, with an assessment having been done in school (age 16) where i scored very highly, idk what that is but the staff there said it was almost as good as a diagnosis. we started all the referrals and everything when i was about 14. i have a distinct memory of talking with my mum once when i was like 11 and she said "oh yeah we've always thought you were autistic" but she doesn't seem to remember this lol

3 April:

How good or bad is your memory for things people say? For example verbal instructions. If you're deaf: Can you lip read? Do you think your autism influences your ability to lip read?

ajshakdhsk pretty bad- i have really bad auditory memory, i usually need to see something written down to remember it unless i focus really hard and repeat it in my head. this is one reason i use subtitles when watching things lol

4 April:

Were/are you in special education? Regular school? Home schooled? A private school? Did it change over time? Did/do you like it?

i was homeschooled for most of primary school (roughly ages 2-11), mostly because of my poor physical health (i have arthritis and uveitis with glaucoma, arthritis is in remission now though yay :D ). but i was in regular public school for the entirety of high school, which was quite simply awful. i really wish i could have been in some sort of special ed school or even part of the special ed group there but people didn't notice because of my grades. i had shutdowns every day and couldn't focus half the time in lessons bc of people talking, i couldn't talk most of the time, and that made the existing bullying much worse. but i mean, i survived!

5 April:

Did/do you have accommodations at school/IEP? If not, do you think it would help/have helped you?

short answer: im not sure, but not really

i was allowed earplugs but honestly, i think anyone couldve put some in in teachers wouldn't care, i was also able to use a whiteboard to communicate, but again, really anyone could if they needed or wanted to (and half the teachers weren't aware so they'd move on without seeing what i wrote). so those made my time easier but im not sure if they count as accommodations or not, i was ultimately treated the same as every other student and any leeway i did have was because of my good grades, not because i was struggling (which is like really messed up??)

i don't think im aware enough of the support my school could have offered to say whether or not it would've helped but i definitely needed something. actually, i do think it would've helped; they had a support staff (im not sure what their title is sorry) and i feel that definitely would have helped some of my problems there

#heh rambling sorry #i like to talk about myself a lot lol #equinox rambles #30daysofautismacceptance #2023 #actually autistic #i genuinely dont understand tags #im scared to post this lol i never talk about this sort of thing

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junova · 2 years

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after midnight — steve rogers

pairing: college!steve rogers x reader, college!peter parker x reader

forewarning: 18+ only, friends to lovers, cheating, smut (if you squint), asshole!peter (ooc peter), sexual themes throughout, spiderman exists and cap doesn't bc i wanna

wc: 1.8k+

summary: you're left scorned by your lovers betrayal, but maybe there's always been someone right under your nose who can pick up the pieces.

“He won’t like it.” You were sitting on his lap, trying to stay engaged even if his arm was wrapped around your body keeping you in place. The group of people at the party were increasing and the odds of your ex showing up was causing your nerves to skyrocket through the roof.

“If you’re involved, I’ll be more than happy to comply kitten.” His breath causing a tingle to draw up your spine, his body pressed more than tightly against yours. “Who gives a fuck what the asshole likes? It’s not my problem he was dumb enough to get his dick wet by someone who wasn’t you.”

It was true, you had caught him spearing into his best friend who he told you to never worry about. Until you found them fucking in his bed. It was comical really. You arrived early from visiting your family over the holidays, anxiously excited to see your boyfriend of two years.

Until you walked into his apartment, the scene setting the tone for what you’d find. His clothes and hers’ lead a path into the bedroom to find them tangled, sweat and regret were written all over their guilty faces when they finally acknowledged you. It took them a minute or two as you watched as he fucked her. You wished it would have been hard and fast — a means to a horny end. But it wasn’t like that at all.

It was slow and passionate as you saw him whisper in her ear like he meant to be there and not anywhere else. You listened to her whines, chanting his name over and over again — her pants and his moans burying you in the grave.

Then, he saw you.

Tears were the first thing he noticed, the stained ones on your cheeks and new ones that you couldn’t stop from coming out. Not a word came from you as he slid out of her and rushed to find some clothes. She grabbed the sheet from the bed and walked straight past you, too shameful and embarrassed to meet your eyes.

“I think I should go.” You whispered, too shocked and betrayed to fully process what he’d done to the both of you. “Please don’t. We should talk about this.”

“Talk about what, Peter? How we’re having issues of you not trusting me with Steve, who is the only family I’ve ever had, and then you decide this would be a great time to fuck your best friend?”

He was speechless, no words were able to fall from his lips. There was no apology or redeemable line he could spit because he knew you hated him. He hated himself and now you did too. It wasn’t like he meant for you to find out this way, but Gwen knew he was spider-man. He could confide to her in ways he couldn’t with you. Paired with his trust issues with you, Gwen was there to wipe away every stressed tear.

Then, there was Steve Rogers — stupidly muscular, star wide receiver standing at 6’4”, and a smile that everyone fell for. He’d known you since you were fourteen and would always know you in ways Peter could never measure up to and it infuriated him.

It didn’t help that women threw themself at Steve, yet he always ended up rejecting them all. Peter had an inkling on why and it was the reason for why the two of you had been fighting for weeks.

You love Peter more than anything and you just wanted him to see that, so you got an early flight out wanting to surprise him. Mentally agreeing to take a step back on your friendship with Steve if it's took to make your relationship work in the long run, it’s what had to be done. In time, you tried to convince yourself it was the for the best.

Now, you realized Peter had just been projecting his own guilt.

“I wanted to tell you how sorry I am for making you feel like Steve was more important, but I guess you’re the one who should be.” You allowed yourself to meet his doe brown eyes like he was caught in the headlight. He was crying too and it made you feel better it some sick, narcissistic way.

“I never meant for any of this to happen. I love you. She means nothing to me, I promise.” He tried to plead, but he could tell you were more than fed up with him.

“Peter, you realize how incredibly absurd you sound? You love me? You don’t do this to someone you love. Gwen is your best friend and clearly she means more to you than I do. If you even respected me at all, the least you could have done was break up with me first.” The calm tone you spoke in was sending chills down his spine.

“I’m sorry. I don’t know what else I can say to fix this.” He tried to step forward but you just took two steps back.

“I just hope she was worth it.” You left and he didn’t follow you — didn’t call and didn’t text you. You spent the next three weeks crying your eyes out, mourning what you thought might have been your forever.

Steve was there for you, wouldn’t leave actually. He’d been bringing a bag every time he came over, filled with goodies for you, and an extra change of clothes for him to change into in the morning. He held you as your cries vibrated his chest, doing his absolute best to calm you down. It was really taking everything in him not to pummel Peter but you had wished him not to so he didn’t.

The days were starting to get better, you had stopped crying and calling out Peter’s name in your sleep.

Your roommate, Nat, had been making herself scarce ever since her and Bucky started dating a few months ago. Leaving Steve and you to be alone. You were thankful for it, you didn't need anyone else to see the heartbreak you were constantly wearing on your sleeve.

“Come with me tonight. It’ll be fun.” Steve’s attempt to coax out of the four walls of your home. Besides class, you hadn’t really gone anywhere no matter how much he begged you and he was doing quite a lot of it lately.

Part of him only having his selfish agenda in mind, but the softer, kinder bits of his soul just wanted to see you happy again. You’d been tense, a bit bitter even. Anyone who knew you in the slightest could tell, and Steve was fortunate enough to be one of those few you happened to let in.

Maybe he just wants to see the light in her eyes shine again and hear your big, bright filled laugh dance on his senses again. You were pulling from within yourself, practically drowning and he was holding onto you dear life but you can only save someone from themselves if they’re willing to accept it.

“I don’t know, Steve. What if he’s there?” You asked him, trying to summon up the best excuses you could come up with. “Then we’ll make him regret cheating on the most beautiful woman alive.” The cheekiest of smiles etched on his face as he flashed you his dazzling blues. So full of hope almost like he knew what was coming.

Truth is, you could never say no to him — never have. It’s how you ended up here perched on his lap surrounded by his friends and yours. With liquor in your system and the devil’s lettuce coursing through you, making you feel lighter than the heartache Peter had served you.

You knew Steve was a flirt by nature, it was practically in his blood, but he was laying it on thick tonight. He wouldn’t let you leave his side, not that you were against it. His touch was intoxicating, even more so knowing how many women came up to him tonight wanting a piece of him. He didn’t even entertain it though. Not tonight, not when you were single and for the first time since ever timing was aligning just right for him.

It was like he wanted for you to know he was the one touching you, the one making you feel better. It was all him and no one else.

Three in the morning is when everyone seemed to funnel out, the people who were sticking around were the frat boys who lived here and their girlfriends. The two of you had barely moved all night, your ass practically glued to his lap.

You were playing with his hair, raking it through your fingers as he hummed out in acceptance of your touch. Just like he’d been doing all night and you weren’t sober enough to dismiss his low moans making every part of you want every part of him.

“Stay the night, kitten.” His thick fingers finding home on your hips, delicately rubbing his thumb against the thin fabric of your pretty, lilac dress.

“The both of us know that’s probably not the best idea.”

“I think it’s a great idea. I think you do, too.” Fuck.

“Stevie, I just broke up with him and it’s not even about Peter. You are everything to me — one night of drunken, hot sex isn’t going to take my pain away. I need you in my life, always.”

“I really want to hear more about this hot sex we’d be having, just a tad bit intrigued, but who said anything about one night?” He had you cornered, his words making stubbles incoherent words fall from your lips. Of course, causing him to laugh like a fucking angel.

“Steve, I will literally kill you and everyone in this house if you ever tell anyone what I just said. Let’s just forget this conversation, okay?”

“Why would you think I wouldn’t want more than one night?” He questioned you, but you looked away from him. Trying to pull away but he wouldn’t let you.

“I-I’m not sure. You’re just…you’re you and I’m me.” You moved your hands to your sides wanting nothing more than to vanish into thin air. He smelled so good and his touch felt like a scolding hot fire, burning you up from the inside out.

“Plus, you don’t exactly seem like you’d want more than that. Not like I’m looking right now, I’m the last person that needs to be diving into a relationship.”

“Who’s to say I’m not?” His voice reaches an octave lower than it should, sending wanted waves down to your core.

“Come on, be honest. It’s just me.” You felt anxious now, the moment turning into something you never expected — a side you’d never thought could be viewed from your eyes.

Carefully and calculated, he brought his thumb before tugging at your bottom, plump lip. Fighting his own urge to choke you with it.

“I would want more than one night with you.” His free hand moved so it rested on your ass, his touch so soft you weren’t even sure if it was there. “But I’ll take it if that’s all you want to give.”

He was waiting for you to make a move, to do something, anything.

“Let’s see what that mouth can do first, Stevie.”

#me? posting? who would've thought #an offering before i post my 8k+ part two to my boxer au ;)#happy reading!#maudi writes #steve rogers x fem reader #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers fluff #steve rogers one shot #steve rogers series #steve rogers x y/n #friends to lovers #spiderman x you #spiderman x reader #tasm!peter x you #andrew garfield smut #tom holland smut #tom holland x you #tom holland x reader #chris evans x reader

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sinswithpleasure · 3 years

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The Playgirl (ft. LOONA's Yves) [Part 2] [Female Reader]

---------------

Hello! I'm back with part 2!

Futa!Yves x Fem Reader, just in case ya forgot.

If you prefer, this is also on AO3 and AFF!

---------------

Yves shows up on time for tutoring, to your surprise.

"Hey baby."

"Don't 'baby' me."

"Sure. Let's start."

"Alright. Open up the textbook. We're starting from the basics. I've printed out some of the prerequisites for this topic, since what you did last time wasn't up to standard due to lack of practice of the basics. Now…"

Yves listens attentively. In fact, things go a bit too smoothly for the both of you. Yves doesn't make any cheeky quip, pull out any pet names, or flirt with anyone that passes by. The womanizing playgirl you knew disappears, and in its place is a focused, dedicated young woman. Sometimes, you even find yourself staring at her work on the problems in front of her. The change is… welcome, to say the least.

Your eyes roam Yves's styled hair, swiped back to expose her forehead, down to her beautiful large eyes, button nose, and full lips.

God, you're gay. Sure, you're literally admiring the beauty of the most insufferable bane of the universe, but you're just so fucking gay and hot people are hot, no matter how irritating they are, so...

When your eyes shift back up, you're met with Yves's smirk.

"See something you like, babe?"

Fuck.

"N-no."

"Liar."

"Fuck off." You rush to change the subject. "How're you doing?"

"I've been done for a while. You would know if you weren't spending the time looking at me."

You refuse to dignify her with a response, checking through the solved problems. With your coaching, Yves manages to get two more questions correct as compared to last time, but she still makes some simple mistakes.

"Okay, here's the issue. In question two…"

---------------

Yves continues to show up for every tutoring session. Somehow, a week passes by, and it is now Friday.

"Good afternoon, babygirl."

"Don't 'babygirl' me. How many times do I have to say it?"

"Mm, whatever. How're you doing?"

"Why do you care?"

Yves pulls out the chair next to you, leaning back on it, resting her legs on the table. She turns to you, grinning.

"Of course I'd care! You're my tutor, and if you don't feel good, you won't be able to teach me properly. If I don't get taught, I won't learn, then I'll fail, and I don't get to win. You know that I always win."

"I'm not sleeping with you."

"That's what you say, but not what you mean."

"Fuck you."

"That's what you'll be doing in five months' time."

"No I won't. Bring out the Calc textbook. We're going through Chapter 4 today."

"Alright, babygirl."

----------------

The change in Yves becomes apparent when she somehow is present earlier than you on Monday morning.

"Yves?"

"Oh, hey babe."

You sigh at the pet name, but having heard her call you that for quite some time now, it doesn't grind your gears as much anymore.

"Don't 'babe' me."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever."

Yves returns her attention to the papers she is working on, and the familiar math problems catch your eye.

"Calc?"

"Yeah. I promised I'll be the best student. Here I am."

"We'll see about that."

"You're looking at it right now." Yves rises from her chair, and in a flash, she has her arm around your waist, her face inches from yours. "I'm going to win, babygirl."

"G-Get off me!" Your face reddens instantly at the close proximity of your lips to hers. Memories of the chaste kiss Yves planted take front and center stage, and you can't help but look away from Yves.

"You're so pretty."

Yves has her gaze locked on your lips, then to your eyes. She is so close, too close, even. Heat flashes all over your body—every touch Yves leaves on you seems to burn.

"I mean it. You're gorgeous."

"T-Thank you."

The smug smirk never leaves Yves's face. She releases you from her smoldering gaze and grip, but she leaves you with a rapidly beating heart and a large distraction for the day to come.

When class begins, Yves tries to take the time to listen to the professor. However, she is soon back to her old ways, flicking paper balls at classmates and being on her phone more than she listens.

"Yves."

"Yeah, baby?" She meets your gaze, her tongue darting out to moisten her dry lips. Her hands carry on working on moulding another tiny paper ball.

"You're not listening."

"I am!"

"What was the last thing the prof said?"

"Um…"

You roll your eyes.

"Best student, my ass."

"I made that promise to you, not to him."

"You won't learn if you don't listen to him either. How're you going to be the best if you can't even do that?"

"Oh, so that's how it is?"

"That's right." You think hard about the words you want to say next, but maybe… maybe it is worth the risk. After all, Yves is still the bane of your existence, but she could be less of that if she keeps up her effort in trying to learn.

"You don't get to fuck me if you're not the best."

You watch as Yves freezes. She stares at you, her jaw hanging, before she steels her gaze to your eyes, staring deep into your soul.

"So this is how you wanna play, babygirl?"

"Yeah." You can feel your bravado slowly disappearing.

"Fine. I'll listen. I'll play by your rules."

Yves leans to your ear, her breath sending shivers down your spine. Her deep whisper makes you shudder.

"You will be mine at the end of the year, baby. I promise you: I'll ace my exams, and you'll love me for it."

Perhaps provoking your seatmate wasn't the best idea. Now you have to deal with the deep flush on your face and neck, as well as the heat between your legs.

---------------

A month passes.

Every week, the same things go by—tutoring, classes, more tutoring, more classes. However, what changes is how close you and Yves get with each other. By no means were the both of you friends, but she isn't as much of a thorn in your side anymore.

[yves💘 sent a message:]

Baby

I need a bit more help with the math from the last chapter.

Can I see you this weekend?

Saturday, 10am, Seoul U entrance?

[You sent a message:]

Sure.

I'll see you.

[yves💘 sent a message:]

Good.

Dress nicely, baby. It's a date.

[You sent a message:]

Fuck off.

You groan when Yves manages to charm you through text. Outfit ideas are already flowing through your head, and you sink your face into the comfort of your palms. Why do you even care about looking pretty for Yves?⁶

Well… that genuine grin she flashed after a muffled gasp of surprise when you wore a dress once in the past month was gorgeous on her. That was why.

You remember Yves actually having the slightest hint of a blush when looking at you, and she seemed to be a little less flirty that day, opting to take short glances at you when she thought you weren't watching. This newfound attention was… welcome. You couldn't deny feeling shy having Yves check you out. After all, you were just the nerd girl in class, and having this attention from a hot girl you could consider a crush not as much of a pain in your ass felt so good.

-----

Saturday arrives, and here you are, waiting outside Seoul University.

You choose to keep things simple: just a simple button-down dress with daisies printed on the fabric. Your hair is tied up in a cute bun. The pink backpack you carry completes the look, with a nice pair of flats.

The sun isn't too bright, and a cool breeze keeps you comfortable while waiting. You can't help but get nervous, though you know it is irrational to feel so. After all, this is just another study session. However, Yves's text to you earlier in the week keeps flashing across your eyes.

'Dress nicely, baby. It's a date.'

You know this is just a study session. However, a part of you dimly wishes that it isn't, before you hurriedly bash those thoughts with a hammer and then set them on fire.

The revving of a motorbike catches your attention before it zooms down the road. You can see the bike move across the lanes, then slowing to a stop in front of you. The rider, clad in all black leather, complete with jacket and boots, seems to freeze in front of you, before slowly drawing the helmet off their head.

"Hey, babygirl."

Yves grins at you, her eyes sweeping over your body. Her gaze lands on your legs, moving up to your torso, your chest, and then to your eyes and hair.

The next words she mutters are meant to be kept to herself, but you hear her anyway.

"Fuck, you're gorgeous."

Your heart takes off, pounding against your chest. You try to hide the flush on your face by staring at the ground, but you field a gaze to Yves, who looks a bit like a deer caught in headlights. She looks so handsome, so cool, and downright fucking hot at the same time.

Hmm… What would it feel like being pinned under her again?

The intrusive thought you have gets stamped out instantly, but the effect lingers—you can't help but check Yves out, feeling a rush of heat deep within your loins.

Her agreement with you was starting to look more and more appealing. Maybe you do have to teach her well.

"Get on."

"What?"

"Let's go. I gotta park the bike, and the cafe isn't close by. Get on."

Yves hands you a spare black helmet, and you hesitantly take it.

"Don't kill me."

"I won't." She grins. "I like you too much to think about doing that."

Your breath catches in your throat. It's not uncharacteristic of her to say things like that so easily, but maybe… just maybe… you want her to mean it.

You get onto the bike as Yves holds it steady. You don't know where to put your hands, but Yves grabs your arms, pulling them to wrap around her waist.

"Hold on tight, babygirl."

"Okay." You can't believe what's happening right now.

"I'm gonna go."

The engine revs.

-----

Yves trails behind you as both of you make your way to the cafe. Yves is quiet along the way, unlike her usual flirting if she caught you staring at her. When you glance back to her, you see her eyes dart away from you, staring at the floor as she swipes her hair back.

Weird.

"Hey, are you okay?"

"Oh, yeah. Never been better, baby." Her reply is unconvincing, especially with a forced grin, but you don't want to really push her for a reply.

"Er… Okay. Sure."

Both of you make your way into the cafe, stopping by the counter to grab the menu. When you sit down at a table, Yves sits across you, her eyes locked onto you as you peruse your options.

"You're staring a lot today, Yves."

"Oh, um, er…" She looks away, her voice soft. This is very unlike her.

"Are you really okay?"

"Yeah, baby. I'm feelin' great, ready to learn, and get good." She leans back, resting her hands on the armrests of her chair.

Oh.

She has a crop top on.

Oh my fucking God, she has abs.

You short circuit.

Two columns of defined muscle greet your eyes, as if to mock you. It wasn't like she was someone you didn't find hot. Now, you have to find out that she also has abs?!

Your mouth dries instantly, and you grab your bottle, taking a swig. The cool liquid quenches your physical thirst, but your mental thirst…

"Don't look too much, babygirl. You might get hypnotized."

Yves tilts your chin up with a finger, moving to lean close to your face.

"My eyes are up here."

Holy fucking shit, she's so fucking hot.

You wonder how you didn't notice them when she had that fishnet and crop top combo. Maybe her pants covered them, maybe you were blinded in your dislike for her. Whatever, you've seen them now. No reason to stop… respectfully staring, especially when you can.

"Look at me."

You meet Yves's smoldering gaze.

"Keep your eyes up here, babygirl." Her warm breath against your lips makes you yearn to lean in and close the gap. "I don't want them anywhere else when they're so beautiful."

You whimper involuntarily, and Yves chuckles.

"You're so fucking pretty, you know that?"

The shame that burns when you squeak and break your gaze to hide in the pretense of reading the menu is something you don't want to admit that you feel coursing through your veins, but it's there. When you lower the menu, Yves has her chin in her palm, her head tilted to the left, a satisfied grin on her features.

"I mean it, baby. You look really pretty today."

"T-Thank you."

"You're welcome. Let's order, I'm starving."

"Okay."

"Oh." Yves leans towards you, lowering the menu to stare into your eyes once more. "You'll get to see what you want to see when I ace the exams. Be patient, babe."

You groan.

-----

That night, you toss and turn on the bed incessantly. Every time you close your eyes, you can feel hot breath across your lips, smell the scent emanating off Yves, and sense her burning gaze on you. Yves's handsome features are burnt deep into your head, and just the thought of her sends your heart pounding and temperature rising.

You think of her abs under her clothes, the defined muscle jumping out to your eyes. She already looks so good, so delicious, and yet, things only go up from here.

The rush of heat between your legs doesn't help things.

You turn again, ignoring your basest desires. Bedtime it is.

#kpop fanfic #kpop fanfiction #loona yves #ha sooyoung #loona fanfiction #loona fanfic #female reader insert #female reader

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problemswithbooks · 3 years

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Not a fan of how hori keeps shoving in lore with “hot” ladies in the last act.

The thing is I don't even mind the hot lady part. I've watched anime and read manga that are far more insulting with their fan service then My Hero and I at least like how he draws them. I wish they actually got to be characters rather then props to move the plot forward and check boxes but it's not so bad I'd drop the series.

My problem is that he he's given these new characters relationships to established characters, but because Hori just came up with them on the spot, they aren't integrated organically into the world.

Like I can believe to an extent that Hawks wouldn't talk about Nagant, and the HPSC quickly buried anything they could about her, but this new lady apparently knows All Might? And he never mentioned her, ever?

She's the #1 Hero in America and Izuku doesn't know All Might had a connection to her even though he's a total fanboy? even if she doesn't personally know him and only took heavy inspiration from AM you'd think Izuku would mention it in one of his excited fan rants he does.

I understand that Hori needed some fodder for the upcoming fight because he pretty much burnt through all the throw away Pros these last two Arcs, but why do they need a connection to an existing character? Just have the Americans show up, no past with AM included. She could still be a fan of his work, because most Heroes are, but nothing else.

#bnha spoilers #bnha 328 #ask #thanks for the ask!! :)

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qwanderer · 3 years

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Loki in the Hall of Mirrors

This story is complicated. Not, like, as a plot, not particularly, but philosophically and thematically. It's got that great play of hero against villain that I love about the Loki story in general and that makes it all so divisive and messy. And I love it even more than I did on first watch.

The first time I watched the desert landing scene, I was like, "Wait? What happened to Allspeak?" because the people who live there don't seem to understand him. But on the second watch, I realized it could be a lack of context, rather than a break in translation. These people probably have an even chance of knowing nothing about Norse myth. Like, what if an alien came up to you and said "I am Boogle of Bofgar, I carry a burden"? You would still have questions like "What the hell is a boogle and why are you carrying your shit here?" So the basic dynamic of Allspeak is probably still functioning, and Loki probably understood their questions, but he was still trying to figure out how to answer when he got distracted by the TVA people.

It could even be an innate psychic ability rather than a magical one, as he seems to understand everyone in the TVA, including the man who can't be fluent in all languages like the field agents because he has never heard of a fish and the seemingly nonverbal robot. (Which of course makes me want Loki talking with Dum-E and the other shop bots! But I digress.)

Okay. I want to start talking about the next-level manipulation shit the TVA are pulling on Loki here. Time, as they say, moves differently in the TVA, and one might even assume that they can avoid having to deal with more variants at once than they can handle. And yet we see them dealing with exactly two other troublemakers during Loki's onboarding.

The first, I'm going to call little echo man.

Little echo man is incredibly annoying to Loki, because he does and says everything Loki might find himself inclined to do and say if he wanted to be difficult. Little echo man does these things in little annoying undignified ways, making them look silly and petulant. Little echo man protests and questions and pushes back, in his business suit and his long dark hair and pale skin, and clearly thinks everyone should treat him as important even though every indication is that he is an annoyance and an afterthought.

Perhaps he's a plant, and perhaps he's just a variant of an annoying but predictable regular they see who they lined up at the same time on purpose. But he is on purpose. Everything he does screams directly at Loki, "Don't do this."

We'll get to the second convenient intersection later.

The most obvious layer of manipulation is simply the beraucracy. They put him up against a series of obstacles which he needs to deal with to get anywhere else, and nothing he does can get him past those obstacles except compliance. All of these obstacles have personality, but they are not personable. They treat Loki like a bag of trash they have been tasked with taking to the curb. Annoying, distasteful, but ultimately routine. His silver tongue isn't going to get him anywhere because these people simply don't care.

I think a lot of these he just goes along with to see where it gets him, since at this point he still believes he has his magic in reserve. But the fact that he steps through the robot fryer even though he thinks he might be a robot without knowing (as others have pointed out, he spent thousands of years as a frost giant without knowing it, and he's recently spent time in the control of the being who shaped Nebula) is a testament to how deep they've already got their hooks in him.

They treat the robot fryer like it's routine, but come the next obstacle, they kill little echo man like it's routine, too. Because he didn't comply.

Loki is slowly being ironed flat to thread into their compliance mill.

And then - I love this, because it reminds me of one of my favorites among the multiplicity of Lokis, GoS!Loki - they put this line in as punctuation between the impersonal, compliance, don't phase of their manipulation and everything that comes after it.

When he's set before the judge, someone actually paying some attention to him, this is his chance to use his silver tongue on someone who will listen. But, although the judge listens, she treats him the same as all the other obstacles have - like listening is a distasteful chore she would like to be done with.

So it seems like the perfect moment for a dramatic escape. Except his magic is gone.

"It's not your story," the judge says. "It never was."

That hammers in all the worst things Loki has ever believed about himself - that he stands in the shadows of others, that he will never have the central place he was raised to desire, that he is, and always will be, a villain to be vanquished rather than a person with choices and agency.

Enter Mobius.

Mobius is a big echo.

He draws all the attention in a room. He is everything that Loki wishes to be - he is powerful, informed, prepared, in control. Capable of charming the judge. And most importantly, he is actively interested in Loki.

At this point in Loki's journey - both in the show and in his life - that has to be irresistible.

So Mobius is in a perfect position to wrap Loki right around his pinky finger.

He listens to Loki without shutting him down, the way all the obstacles have. When Loki tells Mobius he's going to burn down the TVA, Mobius suggests a couple of places he might want to start. One concrete, small, mischievous. One an indication that he's open to Loki doing larger, more significant things here in the future.

He shows Loki his own past and future - but carefully edited, to paint a particular picture.

So many echoes, so many reflections - Loki is in a house of mirrors. Lost, disoriented. Distorted one way, then the other. Magnified and examined.

Loki snarks, and Mobius comments, "Makes you sound smart." Affirms Loki for that little mischievous bit of personality.

Mobius shows Loki some of the most terrible things he's done, and questions them. Pushes Loki away from them. Then changes direction before he can get too heavy-handed, to basically fangirl over the DB Cooper adventure. That's mischief. That's good. I like that.

Punishes him for a small infraction, just to remind him who is in control and that even looking threatening could be seen as a problem.

I think it was at about this point that I got hard reminded of the dynamics of the show White Collar. It's a buddy cop show on a basic level and sometimes the relationship can be very sweet, but sometimes Peter spends one too many times reminding Neal that he can send him back to prison any time he wants and the power dynamic shows its messed up edges.

Mobius is part of the machine, and the machine is doing terrible things to Loki, but I have at least a sliver of hope that the relationship could gain more balance - more genuine balance, not based on the faux freedom that Loki has gained by the end of the episode. There's something to be said for making changes to a system from within that system, but for that to be meaningful change, Mobius would have to change as a person.

Anyway, this current nastily powerful Mobius pushes Loki as hard as he can, and then is conveniently interrupted by the actions of another variant, leaving Loki alone with his remote.

It could easily have been on purpose. The only thing Loki learns by escaping that room is that the TVA is more powerful than any force in the universe, in his experience.

Let's talk about the other Loki variant for a minute. It took me until the second viewing to realize the symbolism of leaving a small child the only survivor in a place of worship, then giving her something to turn her blue.

Odin said he found Loki in a temple, in the aftermath of a battle.

It's actually frighteningly easy to imagine how a distraught Loki could get to a place where he feels the need to genuinely burn down the TVA, and kill every agent in it. Because the TVA put certain clips in his little future show, focusing on the death of his mother, the way his own actions affected it, and the futility and brutality of his own death at the hands of Thanos.

They don't show him the destruction of Asgard, his own role in helping save the evacuees, and the way Thanos decimated the population of that transport before it could even reach Earth. They don't show him the devastation of his home or his capacity to do good.

A Loki who knows that the power of the TVA exists and that he has the capacity to be Asgard's heroic savior would do anything to get that power and save his people.

But we haven't met that Loki yet. I'm sure we will, and it's going to be exhilarating.

This Loki is being taught the importance of control over little things, and so when he gets his collar off and onto that guard, he toys with her, just to see that he can. They have been toying with him and it's oh so satisfying to turn the tables. But it's still compliance in its own way, the petty little mischief that Mobius has been steering him towards.

Loki has been given just enough freedom, just enough choices, that it seems like his own choice to watch the rest of the slide show and come to the obvious conclusion - there's no "out" to go to. His life has gone on without him, and ended. And there's really no point in his trying to fix it. No putting things back the way they were.

So he admits to Mobius - the person who has listened hardest, probably, besides his mother - he admits that he is small and scared and lashing out. That he doesn't know what to do.

Of course, this is when Mobius introduces the task the TVA has for Loki - to take down his other self.

Oh, I can't wait for the next episode! I want to know where this is going.

(I've popped in some panels from Loki: Agent of Asgard because it's my favorite and the show is giving me feelings about it.)

#the loki show #the loki series #agent mobius #loki #loki meta #spoilers #loki spoilers #loki show spoilers #aoa #gos!loki #marvel

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anhed-nia · 3 years

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BLOGTOBER 10/4/2021: THE RAVEN (1935)

Part of me wishes I had known earlier that this was part of a Universal Poe trilogy with THE BLACK CAT and MURDERS IN THE RUE MORGUE, when I watched the former a few Blogtobers ago...but then again, THE BLACK CAT may have so dominated everything else that it could be best to put a couple of years after that experience, so I could assess THE RAVEN on its own terms. And THE RAVEN is, like, pretty zany.

t appears that the censorious Production Code Administration went after this film pretty aggressively for "running the risk of excessive horror" in its "stark realism", and I am unfortunately ignorant of what grisly delights earlier drafts may have contained. What remains is mainly horrific in concept rather than execution, but that concept allows characters to spew a whole lot of perverted, ridiculous nonsense, and that was good enough to keep me amused. The plot involves a Dr. Richard Vollin (Bela Lugosi), who has retired from his service to humanity in order to concentrate on building an Edgar Allan Poe-inspired torture dungeon in his basement. When he is pressed to save the life of an injured ballerina, he falls in love with her, and sets about punishing anyone who threatens to stand between them. His chief tool in this endeavor is Edmond Bateman (KARLOFF!), a violent fugitive who Vollin deliberately disfigures as a means of blackmailing him into smiting the doctor's enemies.

Just after Judge Thatcher (Samuel S. Hinds) warns Vollin to stay away from his daughter Jean (Irene Ware), the brutish Bateman fortuitously arrives at the doctor's home to beg a favor of plastic surgery. Having murdered two prison guards and burned off a banker's face with a blowtorch, Bateman has concluded that his real problem is his looks: "Ever since I was born, people look at me and say: 'YOU'RE UGLY.' ...Maybe if a man looks ugly, he does ugly things!" Once Bateman is on the slab, Vollin makes him look even more absurd, promising to restore him to a normal state once he has killed Judge Thatcher. At this point I'm thinking, ok, now Bateman looks like nobody who has ever existed, so probably he'll sneak up and snuff out the judge, and no potential witness will be able to finger him OR Vollin...right? But actually, Vollin's plan is a little weirder than that.

In fact, Vollin is such a weird guy that it's hard to imagine missing the fact that he's dangerously nuts. He is at all times lurching, leering, and lingering over some helpless person while making declarations like "Death is my talisman!" and "(I am) a god with the taint of human emotion!" and "A doctor is fascinated by death, and how much pain a man can endure!" Still, Jean brings her fiancé (Lester Matthews) and her father to Vollin's for a weekend slumber party, where their main gripe is that his deformed "servant" Bateman won't stop wandering in and out of their bedrooms, standing behind them, and breathing down their necks while making little frankengroans. It's virtually impossible for Karloff to show off his superior acting chops under these circumstances, but there is something hilarious about him being not exactly threatening, but as awkward as humanly possible at this party full of rich prissy douchebags. You can't help but relate to him: I mean, he's not really a butler or anything. He doesn't even know how to pretend to be one. He's supposed to assassinate one of these guys, but now they all know who he is, and he's totally unmissable even in a dark room. Where's he supposed to go? What's he supposed to do? The whole thing is a nightmare.

Eventually we all make our way down to the torture dungeon with its inevitable pit and pendulum, where Lugosi gets to deliver some of the craziest dialog in the movie. He has moved on from wanting to possess Jean, to just wanting to murder everybody there, and he explains that the mental torture he experiences can only be soothed by physically torturing other people. And sure, we all get the concept of revenge, but it you've never heard it like this: "I tear torture out of myself by torturing YOU!", or, "I'll soon be rid of my torture, and I'll be the sanest man who has ever lived!" The actual presentation of torture in this movie is nowhere near as interesting as the way Vollin talks about it, but luckily for me, he is almost always talking about it.

I don't have any big conclusion to draw about this iteration of THE RAVEN, so I'll just say this: Am I the only person who has been walking around incorrectly assuming that Karloff was a lot taller than Lugosi? I mean I probably got some of that impression from the former's FRANKENSTEIN lifts, but he wasn't always rigged up like that. Maybe it's Karloff's languorous limbs and elongated features that made me think he was just a lot longer of a person than Lugosi, who actually had an inch or two on his rival. But even having seen this movie, in which Lugosi is taller than virtually everybody else on the screen, I'm still having trouble accepting the truth. Maybe in another year or two I'll watch MURDERS IN THE RUE MORGUE and see if Lugosi is taller than all those people, too.

#the raven #1935 #universal #edgar allan poe #david boehm #lew landers #irene mare #samuel s. hinds #lester matthews #horror #adaptation #torture #dungeon #body horror #blogtober

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thoughts-from-k · 3 years

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How to make your friends turn away from you 21+1 tips and tricks

0. Find someone who likes you. It should be a "problematic" person., makes it easier to criticize them later, and show off your perfection (you support and accept every kind of people, and you say it often enough).

1. Tell them how desperately you wish for someone to give you help/advice/constructive critique about something you do. When they do it, turn them off every single time - without exception - telling them you disagree, and you wanted to do it the way you just did.

2. Tell them you wish to find people for things you like doing. If they go with you, and try, criticize them at every single opportunity. Make them really feel how their efforts are worthless, highlight yourself explaining how you do it (so much better, and how much more effort you put into that activity).

3. Try something they would like to do, and say you don't want more of it, because it isn't interesting for you. Find something you can point at as a reason, for example: you are not competitive, they are, and they do it to compete with you. [Ignore your behaviour in 2.] They are doing things wrong (how they organize a club or something) . Say it, even if they followed the advice you gave to them.

4. Be offended if they don't watch your 40 hours game videos, but when they mention you a book they liked, find superficial information about it, form a negative opinion, and tell them how you's never read anything like that. Generally do your best to break down their motivation and enthusiasm about anything they might like.

5. Be demanding. Demand information (more than you actually need), feelings (yep, you really want them to feel certain ways, if they can't they are not true friends). Above all! demand complete access to their private life, otherwise you have to believe they are hiding things from you, and you cannot trust them.

6. If they keep some privacy, or don't want to constantly argue with you, and don't say everything they think, then tell them you can't trust them.

7. If they defend themselves, or argue about your attitudes towards them always say: - you didn't say anything wring to them - you don't remember saying those things. Always come out of the fight as "the victim". Don't apologize! Never admit you did something wrong.

8. Tell them how badly they treat you, and how much you tolerate from them.

9. If they say you are angry, say you aren't, they can't make you angry. (In other words, they can't reach you, you don't care enough about them to take it seriously.)

10. Never admit you did something wrong against them, but if they confront you with a mirror, saying you think you are too perfect, then say: you are aware you aren't perfect, and make mistakes, and sometimes you say rude things to others purposefully in anger. (never admit you're doing this to them too, it's important)

11. After some fights, if you made them apologize a few times, and made them feel awful friends, you can start the next phase.

12. Tell them you can't talk to them about anything, because you are afraid of their reaction. If they say the same about you, call them idiots, and cowards.

13. Repeat it enough times, you don't trust them. You don't want them to think you changed your opinion about them.

14. ALWAYS - very important - in every conflicts they have or ever had, take the opposite side. Don't forget to point out they caused it all to themselves. And don't offer any help to heal from these.

15. After doing so, complain a lot about it how nobody supports you, and all you want, a caring friend.

16. Ignore them a lot. If they bring it up, say you thought they didn't need as much attention as your other friends.

17. Complain about lack of friends again.

18. Call them your friends, but continue to behave the same way. If they ask why you are with them, if there is anything you like about them at all, then respond with confusing silence, and don't give any clear answers, avoid the question. If they say something positive about you, you just nod, saying it's same on your side too.

19. Make them feel guilty about everything: about treating you bad, about not doing everything in life they "could" (according to you), not wanting to know about your sexual life... everything you can think of. Criticize them for everything you hate in yourself. But deny if they say you share that trait.

20. If they try to discuss the friendship problems, never take the blame for anything. But demand change from them. (5. + 10. combined)

21. Throw them away if you are sue they will come after you, trying to make peace with you. But you never go after anyone to apologize, nobody is important enough for you.

+1 If they reach the point of human endurance, and leave you behind, then show their messages to your still existing supporters, and make them pity you, and boost your ego. You'll be fine in no time.

Note: Sorry for the bitter humor. I had bad luck, I knew more then one of this type. In those friendships, even if I saw the person's value, I constantly found myself defending, explaining myself. Nothing was ever really good enough for them - except when they had bad times, and I was there to listen and help. And sometimes these people - because they are not monsters - actually helped, and I felt gratitude. And that made me stay around them longer than I probably should, because I felt it would be a betrayal. But there is a point, when it just doesn't work anymore and falls apart. Things happened like this: I shared common hobby with them, art. And if I didn't manage to say what they wanted to hear, and obviously I didn't, then at one point they said they hate my works, I shouldn't show them anything I created. Let's say I liked the landscape painting more than their character drawing. Or liked their own drawing more than their hobby translations. Or with one of them it was difficult, because the person really have a lot to improve and I didn't want to be too harsh, so just pointed out a few things... for the person's request. And the reaction was complete rejection, this friend said it was purposefully like that.

We played it a few times, and then I gave up. I am not an art teacher, I tried to do something good, in a gentle way, but even that didn't work. Soon the same person started to complain about the lack of support and constructive criticism. Tried to push me into giving critique again, and when it didn't work, I got the: "I hate commenting on your works" and ignored my works. I tried to be friends with a certain community. I didn't fit it, some thought it's fun to mess with my emotions, being rude. I grieved my father too, everything just came at once, and I talked about it to my friend. For a few moments the person said it was unfair, but then I could say something my friend didn't like, and then the opinion changed to this: I caused it for myself, that group's reaction is understandable. That's how dynamics change with this type. And if someone is more emotional - like me - it's likely they/we react to that, confront the friend, and then there is fight over fight until one has enough brain to leave it all behind and close the friendship. No other options left.

If you feel like you're reading about one of your relationships, then let it be a warning sign. If you are the one doing such things to your friends, then it's a mirror for you. Please stop doing it. Thanks for reading!

#woman #female #friendship #problem #irony #sarcasm #sad #human #psychology #personal #toxic #negativity #cat #meme #womanyellingatcat

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ywnyfm · 4 years

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The Catalyst

I hang on tightly as my legs dangle in the air beneath your belly. I should have held on stronger, longer. I should have put more thought into the action instead of diving on. Here we are. Weightless and worry-free. The baggage of our past selves left in a station we never stopped at. Always taking flight. Always leaving things behind. Mostly each other. But not recently. It's been everything but. It's the pleasure and the problems left behind long ago. It's the pieces of who we've been, disconnected and falling apart. I only notice when it hurts. When the pluck is just enough to pinch the skin. The rest of the feathers, I don't even care about. In those moments of pain, I can't help but wonder. Were those pieces I should have tried to keep? Am I shedding the old or shedding everything? Too tired of reminding me of myself. Too tired of being reminded of anything. I watch the memories falling, piece by piece. Briefly re-living those moments. Even the good memories brought nothing but pain. We can only exist in a whole with no emotion. Though, we'd be long gone from each other's lives if the world lacked emotion. It's all we have. All we've always had. Logic is nowhere to be found. Every time we try to bring in a third person, it just gets awkward, am I right? But I am. I am also wrong. As we all are. There's something more than us. Any of us. Little or big. Important or meaningless. Everything is meaningless because purpose hasn't really found us yet. We're waiting. Still waiting for the day it all starts to make sense. Giving up hope and drawing conclusions that a day like such will never exist. Maybe so. But are either of us willing to let go of the chance to win the lottery? It may hurt to stay invested, but to disengage would mean nothing. You would feel nothing, from now until the lights go out. A vacant existence, checked-out of the hotel that's paid in advance. Where's the logic in that? You're best to turn around, open that suitcase and make yourself comfortable. Some vacation, am I right? It's like there's nothing to see or do around these parts. Not anymore. The lights used to shine so brightly. The voices rang throughout the cities. Now it's desert sand stuck in the bottom of your shoes no matter how far you try to walk away from where you've come from. You're not making sense anymore. But does it matter? Did you ever really make sense? In those moments of clarity, was there anyone listening? Could anyone help to guide you back to the places you took flight and the lights and the smiles and the warmth? Would anyone bother? It's hard to care about someone who doesn't care about themselves. I wish you would see that. Invest more into who you are. Your dreams and goals and the endless ideas that flow like the Northern Lights in your mind. You don't see the colors anymore. It's sad. We all think so.

But, we can still see the lights. The dust that was left behind. Every once in a while, a ray will pop into the blackness and shoot the greens and blues around the waiting skies. The lights aren't gone, not dimmed. They are just stuck taking refuge behind the dark clouds that have affected everything you think about. Each of us, friend or foe, the letters and the words and the ideas and the masterpieces...We're all together and cheering for you. We're all praying those clouds to go away. We want to open your soul and let the darkness scamper away, trying to find somewhere else to hide inside. Your mind was never meant to get so dark. One light went out and they all seemed to take it as a cue. You need to shake it off. We'll try to help you. Not a clue where to guide you back to what matters most, but the willingness to be there while you figure it out for yourself. You're only limited by what you allow to stand in your way. There's nothing else stopping you. Not depression. Not the medication or the lack of certain ones. Not drinking. Not the lack of drinking. None of these are more than self-imposed barriers to keep you from succeeding. And what are you afraid of? What is the worst thing that could happen? You know you can spread your wings and take to the air, yet you don't. We see it as the worst has already happened. You've given up. Nothing you do now could possibly be more of a failure than the nothing you've been doing. Showing any sign of life would be a start. You're so prone to repeat the verses you already know. They don't even apply to your life now, but you're trying to find a way to fix the old pieces into the new puzzle. This is the challenge we've put out for you. We want you to see that it's not all the time. There are natural ends to cycles and there are moments you have to put your foot through the barrier and break it yourself. You'll see... These pieces are perfect. A perfect fit for you and to each other. They are the start of something greater than you, or any of us. You can't dance around this obstacle. You can't use the old tricks on a new problem. You're going to have to get creative and come up with a new solution. You're going to have to come out of the shell you've built yourself and learn to face your problems. You're not a bird, disregarding the pieces that fall. You are the bird carrying that bird. You are strong. You are supportive. You are holding onto a part of yourself that needs to let go. It's time. Set her free and walk away from a life of puzzles that don't fit together. Ignore the Rubix cube on the shelf that took so many years to put together. Ignore the smiling faces of every fake friend that will rise to greet the new you. None of them were there to teach you or guide you in the right direction. You took what you needed when and where. There is no room in the future for past weaknesses.

The catalyst has spoken. It's your turn to listen

#Writing #Spilled ink #Literature #Lit #Prose #Rambling #Train wreck romance #Car crash hearts

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