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#(I know correlation doesn’t equal causation)

orion-kenobi · 1 year

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Obi-Wan and Anakin are like a bonded pair of cats but if they’re separated one will start killing large groups of people. It’s happened twice.

#i know correlation doesn’t equal causation and all but it’s funnier to think that #obi-wan is one of the only things stopping anakin from committing mass murder #star wars #obi wan kenobi #anakin skywalker #the clone wars

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foe-of-fate · 6 months

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Hmmmm. I am noticing a correlation between a particular person and my mental health. A not good correlation.

#I know correlation doesn’t always equal causation #but in this case I feel like it does #my time with this person ⬆️#my mental health ⬇️#no one on here #random thoughts with rowan

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a-muffin-full-of-poetry · 2 years

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The Rfa gang at the Mc who takes forever to respond because they’re using google translate to understand them (catch me trying to learn Korean from these chucklef*cks).

Having played this game for five years, I can now proudly say I can just about talk to someone about a cat in Korean. Anyways! Thank you for the request, lovely, I laughed out loud when I got this request. This is also mainly just a supposed ‘chatroom’ post. Because I have no idea how that’d work in terms of phone calls so I’m just not going to think about it :))

Summary: you can’t speak or read korean, RFA notice

Warnings: swearing, i’m a sailor i apologise (i’m not but i totally would be i love ships), italics is meant to be korean but we’ll see?

707 MC! You appeared! I’m a wizard, you see that Yoosung?

Yoosung It wasn’t because of that, right, MC? You can’t be that good 707.

Jumin It was not because of 707 Yoosung. So do not worry.

707 No, no. I promise, it’s totally me.

To be honest, you had a feeling the exchange was meant to be quite funny, but you couldn’t quite tell. You kicked off of your office chair, spinning around to your laptop on the table. As quick as you could, you loaded up your laptop and typed in google translate.

Yoosung They’re not even responding to you, HA!

707 Excuse moi! They’re formulating a response to my skills.

MC Sorry Seven, correlation doesn’t equal causation!

Your hands came together as you prayed that Google translate was even a little accurate. As long as it was, you could play it off as being bad at typing.

ZEN Exactly Seven, they came here for MY good looks. Just couldn’t stay away from them, could you babe :) It’s okay, I understand.

Jaehee If that is true MC, I cannot say I really blame you.

Somehow, it always came back to Zen. Not that you minded too much, but you were quick to type in a response to Google and even quicker with your response.

MC As much as I do log on just to see your abs... I’m afraid I’m just here for a couple more party details. Last minute party guest suggestions, some emails to reply to.

During this time, everyone had stopped typing entirely. It had taken a bit longer than you would’ve liked, but you thought it was quick enough.

Jumin I know no one will mention it, but you Korean is quite broken MC.

Rude, first of all. Second of all, you had a feeling, but it’s really hard to understand what they’re saying when they talk really fast. Third of all, that was out of such a left field that you could barely keep up with the influx of messages. You were half tempted to cry type, but you simply took a breath and accepted your defeat.

ZEN Hey, jerk, it’s rude to point stuff like that out. You never know why it’s like that.

Yoosung Jumin... Why would you say that, that was really mean. ;-; ;-;

707 We haven’t been very accommodating. I suppose I can implement a translator... Oh, but it would be rather fun. New toys!

Jaehee I have no idea what you’re talking about as usual, but I can offer my assistance if you need anything MC. I will be busy but there is always an opening for you.

MC Appreciated Jaehee, ilyyyy And yes, I suppose my Korean is quite broken but I have no idea how to write it. So I’ve been using Google Translate.

707 My best buddyyyy!

MC She deserves a pay rise honestly. Well, I thought I was doing well keeping up, it’s why I take an age to respond ;-; And no, you weren’t rude Jumin, you were stating the obvious.

Jumin I see. Thank you MC.

Yoosung You should’ve told us, I feel really bad now. We were just talking and you couldn’t understand.

MC Oh, no, no, no. It’s fine. I’m trying to learn anyway! Elizabeth III is a beautiful cat. See, learning!

Jumin ...

ZEN MC! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU JUST WROTE? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!?

Jumin Assistant Kang, is there anyway to print this out? I would like to have this framed.

ZEN OH NO YOU DO NOT.

707 It’s amazing when you don’t have to start anything. I can watch you all. Popcorn, Yoosung?

Yoosung I’m afraid of what happens if I accept that.

707 Good. You should be. MC, would you like different translation options?

MC Oh, yes please! If it’s not too much trouble.

Jaehee I am not the one you should be asking, Mr Han. After all, I really have no idea how to go about doing that. Although I suppose you could screenshot it and go somewhere to have it professionally printed and then go get it framed.

ZEN JAEHEE DON’T ENCOURAGE THIS.

707 Never! Okay, different options, do you want a Duolingo deal?

MC No. That bird haunts me, do not.

Jumin Hm... Thank you Assistant Kang, contact a professional printer. I would like to organise this as soon as possible.

707 One Duolingo bird coming right up!

ZEN What have you done MC?

Jumin As for your Korean MC, I will pay for your lessons and Assistant Kang can organise times for you to attend. Particularly if you continue with your current line of knowledge. It would be excellent to have an intelligent conversation with someone who can appreciate Elizabeth III.

707 But Jumin... I’m right here.

Jumin I did specify intelligent conversation, did I not?

ZEN I will personally teach you Korean if you never say that again.

Seven was probably enjoying a wonderful sight of you almost falling out of your chair from laughing. The robotic-ish voice of Google translate relaying a far more stilted rendition of the conversation you had missed out on to talk to your resident hacker. That plus the current argument was very entertaining.

But when an email flashed up, you remembered why you had originally logged on. The flurry of replies that people had decided to send you had your phone pinging all day. It was going to take a while to sort through them all. Both because translating and then your reply took a while, never mind thinking of something to type back.

And, unfortunately for you, you had to eat at a normal time today. So, you sighed.

MC As much as I appreciate all this, I need to go now. Emails... Work... T_T

707 Noooo!!! 606! Don’t leave me here all alone!

MC I’m sorry! I’ll do better next time!

ZEN Stop being so mean to MC. Honestly Seven. Don’t you know how to speak to a lady?

Yoosung Work...

Jumin It was nice speaking with you MC. My offer still stands, if you would like to get back to me, please call me or Assistant Kang.

Jaehee Or you could simply do it yourself...

707 lololol poor jaeheeee

Jaehee ... ... ...

Jaehee has left the chatroom

707 There goes Jaehee!

ZEN How do you get girlfriends?

707 I don’t ^^

Yoosung Neither do I! Neither... do... Yeah.

MC You will one day!

Yoosung MC!!! Thank you :D

707 Now the only one who needs a girlfriend is Jumin. Then he’d let me touch Elly~~

Jumin I must speak to Assistant Kang about that printers, please excuse me.

Jumin has left the chatroom

ZEN He ran away!

MC And I am too. Emails! Work!

707 Emails! Work!

MC Ha. Ha.

MC has left the chatroom

A couple hours later, you opened the messenger again only to be greeted with a whole new option to help you translate. Paired with a suspiciously familiar looking bird. Although, it was coloured red with Seven’s signature glasses. And it meowed...

In your opinion, it seemed completely plausible that a bird would meow. You just didn’t realise that it would become a little menace you absolutely hated because it never, ever, ever left you alone.

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vgckwb · 18 days

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P5R: Rebel Girl (A FeMC Story/P5R Rework) Chapter 205: Sae's Palace: Act 2

November 6th. Today was the day. The thieves gathered at Leblanc before attending Sae’s trial. “Alright,” Ren said. “Do we have any new information?”

“Well,” Futaba interjected, “Riko and I came up with a ploy to make sure things go smoothly on the other side during the heist.”

“Will it work?” Ryuji asked.

“I think so,” Futaba answered.

“Well, that’s a good start,” Ren said.

“Oh, um, that reminds me,” Haru said. She took out a small drive and handed it to Futaba. “Here. It’s the data you wanted.” “Heh heh,” Futaba chuckled. “Perfect! With this, we can cross-reference the schematics of Starfall Coffee with my mom’s notes.”

“Sorry I didn’t get it back earlier,” Haru apologized. “I know I got this from you the day after Halloween, but I had trouble getting to the right computer without getting noticed.”

“No biggie,” Futaba said. “I’m glad you managed to do it at all.”

“Well, being the heiress has its advantages,” Haru chuckled.

“So, the plan is still to send the calling card at the last possible moment?” Makoto asked.

Ren nodded. “That’s right. As long as the warrant isn’t live, and the director is under suspicion, the ball is in our court.”

“But what happens after that?” Ann asked.

“I suppose we just need to leave luck to Heaven,” Yusuke said.

“Although I don’t think Heaven’s going to like our thievery,” Jose remarked.

“It’s a gamble for sure,” Ren said. “Eris even told me as such. Something is going to happen regardless of what we do. Our moves here are to get in a position where we aren’t worse for wear.”

“I’ve got an uneasy feeling about that…” Lena said.

“I think we all do,” Morgana assured her. “But we’ve come this far already, and we have no intention of stopping now!”

Lena chuckled. “Thanks Morgana.”

“By the way, how is the research into the director coming along Futaba?” Sumire asked.

“Riiiight…” Futaba said. “The man is a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma. Publicly, he seems to be a well-respected prosecutor, and a well-meaning family man. But every time I dig, it’s like the trail goes cold. Well, apart from one thing.”

“Go on,” Ren instructed.

“I looked into his son murdering his wife,” Futaba explained. “From what I can find, the method used was to slip her sleeping pills to make sure she fell asleep in the bath to make it look like she just passed out and drowned. And you’ll never guess how the director’s wife died…”

“You’re kidding!” Ryuji said.

“I wouldn’t joke about this thing,” Futaba said.

“Hold on,” Makoto said. “I know my sister. She should have seen the similarity.”

“Perhaps,” Yusuke said. “But correlation doesn’t equal causation. I’m sure it would be difficult to prove that the director did the same thing at this point.”

“I guess that’s true…” Makoto said.

“Still,” Sumire said, “given his connection to whoever is in charge, I think it’s safe to say it’s at least possible.”

“Oh yeah,” Jose said. “That reminds me. Whoever is really in charge is the same person who that principal was talking about, right?” Everyone nodded. “And we think he came from that wall of water to take us out?”

“Oh, right!” Futaba said. “There’s that too.”

“We should come up with a plan to investigate it,” Yusuke said.

“I think the next time we go to Mementos, we should make that our first stop,” Lena suggested.

“I agree,” Haru said.

“But, um, how?” Ann said. “It’s a literal wall of water. It’s not going to be easy to investigate.”

“I think we can get some rope,” Ren said. “We attach it to someone, and they go out to explore. They tug when they want to come back, and the rest of us pull.”

“Seems simple enough,” Ryuji said.

“But who will investigate?” Makoto said.

“I think it should be someone light,” Jose said. “So the rest of us can pull easier.”

“But it also has to be someone who can make a good amount of ground,” Morgana said. “I’m fairly light, but…well…I don’t take to water too well.”

“I’ll do it,” Sumire offered.

Everyone was shocked. “You will?” Ann said.

Sumire nodded. “I’m fairly light, but I’m also quick and nimble. I think I have the best shot at this.”

“Are you sure?” Ren asked.

“Yes,” Sumire said, smiling. “I know it’ll be alright, because I trust you all.”

Ren smiled. “Right. Of course.” She sighed.

Sumire chuckled. “It’s OK. I know you worry because you care.”

“Yeah,” Ren admitted.

“Is there anything else?” Haru asked.

“I think that’s about as much as we can glean for now,” Futaba said.

“Well then,” Makoto said, “I suggest we go see sis put on a show.” Everyone nodded, and they headed out.

In the courtroom, the thieves had assembled. “Woah,” Ryuji remarked. “This place seems imposing…”

“I get that it’s meant to be a little imposing,” Yusuke said, “and by technicality, we are criminals, but it does seem a bit much.”

“Remember,” Makoto said. “The system isn’t 100% fair.”

“Yeah,” Lena said. “Although, I guess the justice system all across the world needs improvement.”

“And I think we should advocate for such improvement,” Ren said. “But right now, we can’t vote, so our voices don’t have as much of an impact just yet. So let’s just do what we came here to do and bring about change as…well, you know.”

“Right,” Lena said.

“So, what’s the trial about anyway?” Sumire asked.

“I believe it’s for a government official who has been embezzling funds,” Makoto said.

“Gah! What a piece of shit,” Ryuji noted. “Hoarding our money like that?”

“I know how you feel,” Ann said, “but maybe we should remain calm. We don’t want to get kicked out before it starts.”

“I know…” Ryuji said.

“I think it’s about to begin!” Haru said.

Sae walked in the room. “Um, will she notice us?” Jose said.

“Yeah, we do need to make sure we are seen,” Sumire said.

“Don’t worry,” Makoto said. “I told her I was coming. I’m sure she’ll notice you all too.”

“Even me?” Morgana said.

“Probably,” Makoto said.

Sae glanced over at the audience. She did a double-take when she saw Makoto. “Oh, that’s right. She said she was watching. Hmmm. Who’s she sitting by?” She glanced over the rest of the troupe. “Hmmm.”

“All rise,” the bailiff called out. Sae didn’t have time to ponder any further. She had a job to do. But once she was done, she could focus her full attention on The Phantom Thieves.

The trial didn’t take too long. It was a fairly open and shut case, and Sae was on top of her game. The thieves watched the whole trial, and still had enough time to slip into Sae’s palace. Once they were back in, Ren said “Alright everyone, are you ready?” They all nodded. “Good. Let’s go.” They headed in.

On the elevator ride up, Ryuji noted. “Wow Queen. Your sis was UNRELENTING! I think we need to prepare ourselves even more if we’re going to fight her.”

“What makes you think we’ll fight her?” Makoto asked. “Remember, the director’s presence here will probably make their move as well. We might spend more time focusing on him.”

“Besides,” Futaba added, “it’s not like you fought me when I was both the Palace Ruler and the Crusader.”

“I guess that’s true,” Ryuji said.

“I think we still need to be careful,” Sumire said. “Yours and her circumstances are a bit different.”

“I agree,” Yusuke said. “It wouldn’t surprise me if we had to fight her, at least for a bit.”

Makoto frowned. “Hey,” Ren said. Makoto looked up. “She’ll end up for the better because of this. We’re here to make sure of that.”

Makoto smiled. “Right.”

They arrived at the Exclusive Member’s Suit, nary a blockade in sight. “Let’s go,” Ren instructed. Everyone stepped off, and headed out.

Morgana glanced around. “Hmmmmmmm.”

“Something on your mind, Mona-chan?” Haru asked.

“I think I sense the last Will Seed,” Morgana replied.

“Already?” Yusuke asked.

“The signal is weak though,” Morgana explained. “I think we ought to get our bearings first before we explore.”

“Well, there appears to be a kiosk straight ahead,” Jose said. “Let’s see what they have.” They walked over.

Ren went up to talk to the manager behind the desk. “Hello, good sir.”

“Hello,” the manager replied. “By the way, as a welcoming gift to the Exclusive Member’s Suit, I hereby offer you an extra 1,000 Fashion Points.”

“Oh. Sweet!” Ren said. “I don’t suppose we could meet with Miss Niijima as well, could we?” she asked.

“Well, her office is just beyond the door above me,” the manager said. “But she doesn’t meet with just anyone.”

“Well, we aren’t just anyone,” Ren said.

“Oh my,” the manager said. “You talk a big game, but talk is cheap. I suggest you see what’s beyond the door and then come back>.

“Very well,” Ren said. She instructed her team to follow her, and they made their way up to the door.

On the other side, they saw a set of scales. “What is that?!” Makoto yelped.

“Are those scales?” Yusuke wondered.

“Or is it a bridge?” Jose wondered.

“I think it’s both scales and a bridge!” Ann exclaimed.

“So, how do we access the bridge part of it?” Ryuji asked.

“I think I see something over here,” Sumire said, pointing to a vanity.

Everyone closed in on it. “Hmmm,” Ren said. “It seems like we need 100,000 Fashion Points to make it through.”

“That’s CRAZY!” Morgana shouted. “We spent all of that time and effort to get half as much!”

“Is there a way for you to hack it, Oracle?” Lena asked.

“Ummm, I don’t think so?” Futaba said.

"Oh yeah," Lena said. "It's a vanity, not a computer."

“Well, we just have to get more Fashion Points,” Yusuke relented.

“Right,” Haru said. “And we are in the Exclusive Member’s Suit. I think we might have an opportunity to get more points quicker.”

“Couldn’t we just do the things we already rigged?” Ryuji asked.

“I think they’ll catch on to that quickly,” Makoto said.

“Besides, we should always be on the move,” Jose said.

“Also, I imagine it’d be faster to get more points on this floor, as opposed to keeping going,” Ann said.

Ryuji sighed. “Fine.”

Ren smirked. “Let’s head back to the desk and see what we have here.” They left, and headed back to the kiosk.

“I take it you understand now?” the manager asked upon their return.

“Correct,” Ren said. “Now, what are the attractions on this floor?”

“Of course,” the manager said. “Over there is our Heels Training Room, and over there is the Battle Arena.”

“The Battle Arena?” Ren wondered.

The manager nodded. “That is the most difficult part of this Fashion Show. I would suggest doing Heels Training first.”

Ren nodded. “Very well.” She regrouped with the others. “Did you catch that?”

“Yeah…” Ryuji said. “And I don’t care what he says, I think a Battle Arena is WAY less difficult than Heels Training.”

“I concur!” Futaba said. “And I’m not even a fighter!”

“Well, as much as you might think that,” Makoto said, “I don’t think they would lie to us.”

“Besides, if you need any help, I’m an old hand,” Ann said.

“Me too,” Haru said.

“Is it too late to go back and stack the money in the games we already rigged?” Ryuji asked.

“I’d say so,” Lena said, reluctantly.

“Figures,” Ryuji said.

“Hold it!” Morgana said. “Before we do anything, there’s still the matter of the Will Seed.”

“Oh right,” Jose said.

“The signal disappeared when we went out to the bridge,” Morgana explained. “So it HAS to be in here. But it’s still faint.

“Well, what if it’s up?” Sumire suggested.

“Up?” Morgana wondered.

“That’s right,” Sumire said. “I mean, last time it was faint, the Will Seed was up.”

“Huh. I guess that’s possible,” Morgana said.

“So, now all we need is a way to get up,” Yusuke said.

“Shouldn’t be too hard,” Ren said. “Let’s look around.” The Thieves looked around for a bit, before climbing on some pillars, and then finding a spot to grapple up to. Once there, they took to the rafters, eventually finding a vent to crawl through.

On the other side, they saw the last Will Seed Door, as well as a powerful shadow guarding it. “So, this is it, huh,” Makoto remarked.

“We’ll finally see what cultivated this palace in the first place,” Futaba noted.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Haru asked.

“Positive,” Makoto said. “I don’t want any regrets.”

“I understand,” Haru said.

“Well, now that our resolve is steeled,” Ren said, “all we have to do is get past this guy. You ready?”

“HELL YEAH!” Ryuji cheered.

“Let’s do this!” Makoto said.

They approached the powerful-looking shadow. “Oh dear. This place is off limits.”

“We’re thieves!” Futaba said. “We don’t care about your rules!”

“Hm. Well then, I suppose it’s my job to MAKE you care!” the shadow said. The Phantom Thieves and the Shadow battled. While this was their first encounter in the palace for today, the shadow came out swinging. Still, the thieves managed to eke out a victory.

“Now that that’s taken care of…” Ren said. She cut the vines and opened the door.

Everyone pooled in, as Ren grabbed the last Will Seed. The voices started playing. “NO!” shouted Nobuyuki.

“Why not?!” Sae shouted back.

“That escalated quickly,” Ann noted.

“I don’t trust the man!” Nobuyuki said.

“You think I do?!” Sae said.

“You trust him enough to betray your ideals,” Nobuyuki said.

“I’m not betraying my ideals!” Sae said. “I believe there is good in the world, and that our justice system needs reform. I can do that from the inside!”

Nobuyuki sighed. “I know being a prosecutor is more lucrative than being a defense attorney. But like I said, I don’t trust him!”

“Do you trust me?” Sae asked, snidely.

“Yeowch!” Lena said.

“It’s not a matter of trusting you,” Nobuyuki said. “A parent’s job is to make sure their child doesn’t get hurt.”

“Well guess what?!” Sae snapped. “I’m not a child anymore!”

“Then why are you acting like one?” Nobuyuki shot back.

“Hooooooo boy,” Ryuji said.

“That’s rich, coming from you,” Sae said. “How many times have you said the words ‘Night Raider’ this week?”

“Hey!” Futaba protested. “Night Raider is for all ages!”

“That’s different,” Nobuyuki said.

“I’m taking the job!” Sae insisted.

Nouyuki sighed once again. “Alright, fine. If you won’t listen to reason… I won’t even say ‘Told you so’ when he inevitably undermines you.”

“You don’t trust me,” Sae said.

“I never said that,” Nobuyuki said.

“You just did!” Sae insisted. “You think he’ll get the drop on me. You don’t have faith that I’ll be the one to get the drop on him.”

“That’s not me disparaging you,” Nobuyuki said. “The man is a crafty, remorseless, cur! He’d shoot a kid in the face if it meant saving his own skin.”

“Hm,” Sae grunted. “If this is the mind of a brilliant detective, then I pray for the safety of our citizens.”

“You know I’m right,” Nobuyuki said. Silence. “Like I said, I’m not going to stop you. But just think carefully, you know? I don’t want you in over your head.”

Sae sighed. “I’m sorry.” That’s where the voices ended.

“That…was a lot,” Sumire said.

“Were you aware of this conversation beforehand?” Yusuke asked.

“No,” Makoto said. “I mean, I knew my dad wasn’t enthusiastic when my sister said she was going to work for the SIU. But I didn’t know it got to this point.”

“It sounds like your father really hated the SIU director,” Jose pointed out.

“Has that always been the case?” Lena asked.

“I don’t know,” Makoto said. “I know he didn’t like him, but I don’t know if that was always the case, or if that was a later development.”

“Well,” Ren said, “whatever the case, I think I can hazard a guess as to what’s coming next. Are you ready?”

Makoto sighed. “Ready as I’ll ever be,” Makoto said.

Ren nodded. She fused all the Will Seeds together, forming The Crystal of Envy. It began projecting a video. The video showed Sae looking at a memorial shrine for her father. The only light was the moon shining through the windows. Sae had a sad look on her face. “Well, it looks like you won’t even get a chance to say ‘told you so’ to not take.” Tears fell from her face. “Why?! Why did this have to happen?! I’m sorry! I know I can’t be you! But I will do my best! I will protect Makoto! I will protect the innocent! I will try harder than ever to bring about a better world for all!”

She sniffled. “But in order for me to do so, I will have to go to Hell and back. The people who killed you…they aren’t going to be caught by conventional methods. So I need to bide my time and make sure I can take every opportunity to seize power. I know it’s not like you, or mom, but I can’t let what happened to you happen again.” She smirked. “And when I’m in control, I won’t let it.”

The video ended. “Well…” Makoto said. “I can’t say I’m familiar with that moment either.”

“It was night,” Sumire said. “Perhaps you were sleeping.”

“Most likely,” Makoto said. “Sis isn’t one to show weakness like that in front of others.”

“Well, in any case,” Yusuke said, “it seems very apparent what caused your sister to follow this trajectory.”

“I mean…” Lena said. “I can’t say her ideals aren’t good, but…”

Makoto nodded. “You’re right. She even said herself, she was going through Hell. So let’s work on dragging her out of it!”

“Well said,” Ren said. “But first, we need more fashion points!”

“Why couldn’t this give us any?” Ryuji said.

“Be grateful,” Morgana said. “That Will Seed replenished our power, and we needed that after taking on that powerful shadow.”

“I guess you’re right,” Ryuji said. “Let’s roll!” The thieves left the Will Seed area, and headed back to the main area in the Exclusive Member’s Suite.

They headed towards the Heels Training Room. Futaba read the placard once more. “‘Heels Training Room Rules: Participants will be made to wear heels and traverse a darkened maze. It costs 1,000 Fashion Points to begin, but if you make it out, you get 10,000 Fashion Points.”

“Woah!” Ryuji said. “That’s a lot.”

“I agree,” Haru said. “I suppose the floor is high risk, high reward.”

“So, we just do this a few times?” Jose asked.

“I think once is more than enough,” Futaba said.

“Well, we still have to investigate the battle arena,” Sumire pointed out. “Why don’t we keep this as a back up?”

“Fair enough,” Yusuke said.

“Are you ready to strut your stuff?” Ren said.

“I guess…” Morgana said.

“Then let’s head in,” Ren instructed. They headed into the Heels Training room.

Upon entry, they saw a manager at the gate. “I take it you’re here to participate?”

“Of course!” Ren said.

“That’ll be 1,000 Fashion Points,” the manager said.

“Here you go!” Ren said.

“Very good,” the manager said. “Now, step through the gate. Once you enter the door, you’ll be in the maze. Once you reach the other side, you’ll receive your prize.”

“Thank you,” Ren siad. The Phantom Thieves nervously stepped through the gate. Once they got on the other side, they felt a strange sensation. Pairs of metallic 3-inch heels magically manifested themselves on their feet. “Oh my!”

“This feels weird,” Ann said.

“Is this not normal?” Ryuji said.

“I think it’s about the right height for a normal set of heels,” Haru said. “I think the shoes are just heavy.”

Sumire clicked her heels. “Not only that, but they’re kind of loud as well.”

“And we’ll be in the dark,” Morgana said.

“Welp, it’s too late now!” Ren said. “We already paid.”

“I guess the only way out is through, huh,” Lena said. The thieves entered the maze.

They were greeted by total darkness. “Why am I not surprised?” Ryuji said.

Futaba had some trouble maintaining her balance. “Woah!”

“I gotcha!” Yusuke said, steadying her.

“Thanks Inari,” Futaba said. She cleared her throat. “As if walking around in these wasn’t bad enough, I sense a bunch of shadows in the area.”

“I think the reason they’re this loud is to attract said shadows,” Jose said.

“While that may be true,” Makoto pointed out, “there’s also the idea of women both needing to wear them to be more feminine, while at the same time getting discriminated against for it. You can hear heels walking down the hall, and you already know you’re going to be talking with a woman. I remember reading somewhere that even when applicants for an orchestra were going in for a blind audition, people could still pick out the women because of their heels.”

“Not to mention they aren’t the easiest things to walk in,” Haru added. “While I am used to them, it is something you need to get used to.”

“And I take it THAT’S the function of this room,” Ren said.

“Trial by fire,” Lena surmised.

“Welp!” Ryuji said. “Let’s just find the end of this maze and get this over with.”

“Um, try not to rush,” Haru said. “It’s possible to run in heels, but you need to walk before you can run.” Ryuji sighed.

They started making their way through the maze. The heels definitely proved difficult, even for those who were more used to them. Attracting and then fighting the shadows as much as they did didn’t help either. There was a point where they thought they found an exit, but the door was locked. After some more venturing, and with as much sneakiness as they could afford, they managed to find the exit.

Once they exited, Ryuji remarked. “I never want to do that again.”

“Ugh, me either,” Futaba said. “Is the room spinning, or is that just me?”

“I think that’s just you,” Yusuke said. “Although perhaps getting a taste of this spinning room would make for a good art piece.”

“I kind of liked it,” Jose said.

Ann chuckled. “Do you want to try on some heels back in the real world?”

“Maybe,” Jose said.

“YOU!” an ominous voice shouted. The thieves turned to see a shadow. “You weren’t supposed to actually make it!”

“Well tough,” Ren said. “We made it through your maze, and looked good doing it!”

“Well, it’ll be the last time you look good,” the shadow said. “Because I’m going to beat you black and blue!” He readied his stance.

“So, you never intended on giving us the Points, huh?” Makoto said.

“NOPE!” the shadow replied.

“Well, in that case, we’ll just have to take them!” Haru declared. The thieves fought the powerful shadow at the end of the maze. Surprisingly, they had an easy time, since they had been practicing how to fight in heels in the maze. Once the shadow was defeated, the heels magically shattered, and they gained their Fashion Points.

“So, I’m thinking that even if we wanted to,” Lena said, “I doubt they’d let us do the maze again.”

“Fine by me!” Futaba said.

“Hm hm,” Haru chuckled. “You were getting the hang of it by the end. Maybe you can come over to my place and practice sometime.”

“I’m not ready to go back,” Futaba said.

“Well then, let’s move forward,” Ren said. The group moved on to the Battle Arena.

They stopped, and Futaba once again read the plaque outside the facility. “‘Battle Arena: A series of fights to determine who is the best. The challenger only sends in one person, while the champion may send in as many combatants as they want. The cost of entry for the challenger is 10,000 Fashion Points, but if they win, they get 100,000 Fashion Points. Audience Members may also place bets on who will win. The champion’s rate is 1:1, while the challenger’s rate is 23:0. Current Champion: Sae Niijima.’”

“What?” Ryuji said. “This makes the least sense of all the attractions we’ve seen so far.”

“Actually…” Makoto interjected. “This is the most direct one yet.”

“How do you figure?” Yusuke asked.

“Well, my sister is always muttering stuff about how as a woman she has to work twice as hard to earn half the respect,” Makoto clarified. “I assume her being the champion represents the countless hours of blood, sweat, and tears she put in to get the position she has. Maybe even the position she foresees herself being in.”

Haru pouted. “I believe I overheard my father talking about something similar once. He was discussing the idea of arranging my marriage because he was afraid that the business world would be cruel to me.”

“Noir…” Morgana said.

“Gah, that sucks,” Ryuji said.

“Yeah…” Ann said. “But did you hear? We’ll get enough Fashion Points to cross the bridge!”

“Hm,” Makoto chuckled. “You’re right. The best we can do for now is keep our eye on the ball.”

“But, um, who will enter as the challenger?” Jose said.

“I think that’s obvious,” Morgana said.

Ren chuckled. “You know me too well.”

“Well, Joker is the leader,” Lena said.

“Not only that,” Futaba said, “but her combat skills are unique amongst our ranks.”

“Well then,” Morgana said, “let’s head inside.” Everyone nodded and went in.

Ren walked up to the desk. “Hey there.”

“Hello,” the manager said. “Are you here to challenge the area?”

Ren nodded. “That’s correct.”

“Hm,” the manager smirked. “A bold choice. You know this won’t be easy.”

“Nothing worth fighting for is,” Ren retorted.

“Very well,” the manager said. “I will require 10,000 Fashion Points.”

“Here you go,” Ren said.

The manager took the points. “Excellent. One more question: What do you want it to say on your tombstone?”

“Bold of you to assume I’m going to lose,” Ren shot back.

“Famous last words,” the manager said. They opened the gate. “Go on in.” Ren nodded, careful not to say a word. Instead, she gave a thumbs up to her crew.

The rest of the thieves went to the stands to watch the fight. Ren was standing in the middle of the arena. An announcer’s voice rang out over. “Good evening everyone! How are we doing tonight?!”

“Riko?” Makoto wondered.

The voice of this palace's version of Riko continued. “We have a special match for you tonight! This Phantom Thief thinks they can take on the trial of the champion to topple her!’ There was booing from the rest of the crowd.

“Hey, that’s not fair!” Morgana said.

“YOU GO JOKER!” Futaba shouted.

Riko chuckled. “But fret not! Miss Niijima is the champion for a reason! This kid has no idea what kind of Hell she’s been through! So, let’s start the festivities, shall we? I’m thinking three rounds, each tougher than the last!” Two Ganesha appeared. The crowd started booing again.

“KICK THEIR ASSES, JOKER!” Ann called out.

“YEAH! GIVE ‘EM ONE FOR ME!” Ryuji added. Ren nodded.

“And BEGIN!” Riko shouted. The battle commenced. It was a tough battle, especially since Ren was fighting alone, but she managed to make it through the first round.

“I don’t believe it!” Riko shouted. “The Phantom Thief actually made it past the first round! Well, that just shows that we’ve always underestimated them. Round two!” Three Rangda appeared.

“DON’T LET THEM WIN!” Yusuke shouted.

“YEAH, YOU’RE BETTER THAN ALL OF THEM!” Jose yelled. Ren cracked her neck.

“And BEGIN!” Riko shouted. The second round was off. Without much breathing room, things were getting hectic for Ren. However, she managed to overcome the odds and win the fight.

“The Phantom Thief actually SURVIVED round two?!” Riko said. “Hm. No matter. NOBODY but SAE has made it past round three. EVER!”

“Someone’s desperate,” Morgana noted. A single Thor appeared.

“How come only one enemy this time?” Jose wondered.

“It might only be one,” Futaba said, “but they are tougher than the first two combined!”

“YOU CAN DO IT JOKER!” Haru shouted.

“YOU’VE OVERCOME WORSE!” Lena assured. Ren took a deep breath.

“BEGIN!” Riko shouted. The match started. Just as Futaba noticed, the match was rough. Ren was getting some good hits in, but so was the Thor. Between that and Ren having to face the previous two rounds was a lot to bear. She was struggling to stay on her feet.

Sumire then shouted. “YOU CAN WIN!” Ren looked up. “I KNOW YOU CAN WIN! YOU SAVED ME! YOU CAN DO ANYTHING!”

“SHE’S RIGHT!” Makoto said. “YOU ARE STRONGER THAN MY SISTER! YOU CAN DO THIS!”

Ren smiled. She channeled all her energy into a swing of her dagger. Twirling through the air, she sliced the Thor. Just as she was at her limit, the Thor was at his. He bled out, and then fell to the ground in defeat!”

The audience was stunned silent. Meanwhile, The Phantom Thieves cheered immensely. “Hm,” Riko said, over the speakers. “As much as it pains me to say it, The Phantom Thief won the challenge!” The thieves in the stand cheered some more, while Ren let out a sigh of relief.

As everyone met with Ren after she left the area, the manager approached her and said “Well, it looks like I’ll be eating crow tonight. Here are your 100,000 Fashion Points.” He gave her the points.

“Thanks,” Ren said.

“Shall we lower the bridge now?” Futaba asked.

“Give me a minute,” Ren said. “That was exhausting. But your guys’ cheers got me through it.”

Sumire giggled. “Of course. We are a team after all.”

“Hm. Yeah,” Ren agreed. They took a quick break to let Ren catch her breath before heading to the bridge.

Once there, they looked at the bridge once more. “I believe that the treasure is on the other side,” Makoto said.

“So all we have to do is deposit our Fashion Points, and we’ll be set,” Yusuke said. The team nodded, and headed toward the vanity.

“Not so fast!” Sae’s twin voices rang out.

“What now?!” Morgana said.

“You’ve managed to gather a respectable amount of Fashion Points!” Sae said.

“However,” Shadow Sae interjected, “We cannot let you through.”

“WHAT?!” Ryuji said. “Why not?!”

“Because,” Sae said, “then you’d have a chance to win. And We can’t allow that!”

“Hence,” Shadow Sae said, “from here on, the toll to activate the bridge shall be 1,000,000 Fashion Points!”

“Hey!” Ann shouted. “That’s not fair!”

“You’ve been up and down this Fashion Show, have you not?” Shadow Sae said. “The whole point is that it’s unfair!”

“However,” Sae said, “once We capture you, We will bring about Our New World Order! The weak shall become the rulers, while the elite will be nothing but worms!”

“We have a similar goal!” Jose called out. “If you let us help you, we can-!”

“We’re sorry,” Shadow Sae said. “What makes you think We’d align ourselves with the people destroying the nation?!”

“A valiant effort Sunshine,” Yusuke said. “But alas, it’s futile.”

“Yes,” Sae said. “Resistance is futile!”

“Hm hm hm,” came a chuckle. The thieves looked behind them to see Eris. “Well this is quite a pickle.”

“Eris!” Makoto said.

“The one and only,” Eris replied. “It looks like you need help crossing the bridge.”

“Hey, what’s the big idea?!” Sae shouted. “I thought you were on Our side?!”

“Yeah, what gives?” Shadow Sae asked.

Eris chuckled. “Of course I’m on your side. But if you won’t fight fair, then I have to intervene. Unless you’re afraid that you’ll lose?”

There was a pause. Both Saes then called out. “We’re not afraid!”

“Very well,” Eris said. She started drawing her rapier.

“Hold it!” Haru said, pointing to Eris. “I’m afraid we don’t need your help.”

“I beg your pardon?” Eris said.

“We only need 1,000,000 Fashion Points, correct?” Haru said. “Well, it just so happens that we have them!”

“What do you mean?” Shadow Sae said.

“Hm,” Haru smirked, holding up a second card.

“Is that the Taro Tanaka card?!” Futaba yelped.

“That’s correct,” Haru said. “I know you told me to throw it out, but I decided to hang onto it. And then the kiosk manager on the floor told us about the program when they would lend us up to the total amount of Fashion Points we had, I decided to take advantage of that. After exiting the Heels Training room, I borrowed 10,000 to match the amount I had just received and then bet on Joker in the arena, netting me a total of 460,000.”

“Still not enough!” Sae barked.

“That may be true at that point, but while Joker was catching her breath, I returned the 10,000 I had borrowed, and then borrowed the total amount of the rest. Which puts me at a grand total of 910,000 Fashion Points. And combined with the Shinji Nakanomatsu card, we have over 1,000,000.” She transferred the amount to Ren’s card. “Joker, would you do the honors?!” Ren smiled, nodded, and deposited the Fashion Points, lowering the bridge.

“Alright!” Ann said.

“But, um, what about paying it back?” Ryuji said.

“Skull,” Jose answered. “We’re thieves.”

“Oh yeah,” Ryuji said.

“That was impressive Noir!” Lena said.

“Indeed,” Makoto said. “You have to get up pretty early to outsmart my sister.”

“Hm hm,” Haru chuckled. “Don’t underestimate the future of Okumura Foods!”

“Well damn,” Eris said. “I guess you don’t need me after all. Unless…?”

“Fuck off,” Joker said.

“Hm hm. As you command,” Eris said. She disappeared.

“So,” Sae interjected. “You’re going to stand against Us?”

“We don’t have to,” Ren answered.

“HA!” Shadow Sae replied. “Fat Chance!”

“I’m surprised you tried the same trick that Eris tried on you,” Sae said. “You should have known it would be just as fruitless.”

Ren smirked. “The dice are still in the air. I think our efforts will bear fruit. Maybe wait until the dice have stopped moving until rendering judgment.”

“Hm,” Sae pouted. “Well the only thing stopping you from here on is US! So don’t get too comfortable just yet!” The speaker shut off.

“That was something…” Sumire said. “But we’re here now.”

Ren nodded. “Now, let’s cross the bridge.” Everyone else nodded, and they crossed the bridge together.

On the other side, they passed through the door to see the treasure on a pedestal encased in glass. “So, this is the treasure, huh,” Morgana noted.

Sumire knocked on it. “It seems like ordinary glass to me.”

“And there’s nothing guarding it,” Yusuke noted. “How peculiar.”

“Well, she wasn’t expecting us to make it here,” Ann said.

“Still, we can never be too careful,” Noir said.

“Yeah,” Jose said. “It sounds like Sae isn’t going to go down without a fight.”

“There’s also the matter of the director,” Futaba said. “He’s probably going to make his move when we make ours.”

“Regardless,” Makoto said, “we have our route secured. All we need to do now is prepare ourselves. We can’t walk out of this empty-handed.”

“Hm,” Ren smirked. “Couldn’t have said it better myself. The thieves turned, and headed out, leaving the palace for the night.

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slippinmickeys · 1 year

Text

The Mesas of Deuteronilus Mensae (28/31)

Mulder took a step toward her anyway.

“What’s the experiment?” he asked.

Scully looked at him, shoulders up around her ears with tension. The noise of the dust storm outside had become a steady static of sound, of particles being blown into metal. A constant smatter of dissonance.

Finally she sighed. “The bacterium I came into contact with on your suit,” she started, “normally exists at extreme temperatures. The pit had an average temperature of -125 degrees Fahrenheit. Yet they’re functioning just fine on the rover.”

“The surface temperature of Mars can hit 70 degrees in the summer,” Mulder pointed out.

“True,” she admitted. “But it got me thinking that if it could survive at 73 degrees,” she said, referring to the base temperature of the Rover, “why couldn’t it survive at 98.6?”

Mulder could see how the dots had connected in her head, but correlation did not equal causation.

“This is a creature that feeds off of sulfur and ammonia, Scully,” he said gently. “It doesn’t need you.”

“But I’m sick, Mulder. I am.” He opened his mouth to try to calm her, but she plowed on. “I don’t feel well. And the effects of gravitational biology—zero G changes our biology on a fundamental level, Mulder. It changes our DNA. It makes bacteria more potent, more dangerous. You know this. What if this bacterium came into contact with another bacterium that hitched a ride from Earth and changed in space? What if it created a hybrid microbe? It’s been proven that bacterial cells from different species can combine into unique hybrid cells by fusing their cell walls and membranes and sharing cellular contents,including proteins and ribonucleic acid.hose are the molecules that regulate gene expression and control cell metabolism, Mulder. What if this alien bacteria is… What if it’s now feeding on me?”

“Scully,” he said, stepping forward and keeping his voice low. “You’re panicking.”

“I’m sick.”

“And we will figure it out.” He got a little closer to her. If he could touch her, he could calm her down and reassure her, he was certain. She didn’t back away. Finally, he reached out and put a hand on her shoulder. Her skin did feel warm, even through her jumpsuit. He wasn’t certain it was a fever, but it was concerning.

“Mulder, you should be in full PPE,” she said. Her voice had lost the desperate edge to it.

“If this is some kind of contagion, I’ve already been exposed. Come here.” And he pulled her into his body. She sagged into his touch.

“Tell me about your experiment,” he said after a moment.

“I’ve exposed an isolated population of the Martian bacterium to a host of bacteria that we’ve carried with us,” she started.

He thought of her quick jaunt to the lav. “I don’t think I want to know how,” he said, and he felt her small huff of a laugh.

“You don’t,” she said. “I want to see how they react to each other. It shouldn’t take long. We’ll know what’s possible in a few hours. If I need to be worried.”

“Pardon me if I’m pointing out the obvious, Scully, but you already seem to be worried.”

Her breath into his jumpsuit was humid and warm.

“I have a quicker idea,” Mulder spoke again, pulling back so he could get a look in her eyes.

They were big and blue and wet, and he wanted so badly to fall into them and drown in her. If she was sick, he wasn’t sure what he’d do, how he’d cope. But he was determined to be strong right now, because she was not.

“How does the phlebotomy queen feel about a self-stick?”

“A blood sample?” she asked.

He nodded. She pulled back, running the back of her hand under her nose. “I thought of that,” she said, sniffling. “But I didn’t want to get ahead of myself.”

They both chuckled at that.

“I think I’m too shaky to do a self-draw,” she finally said.

“I’ll do it,” Mulder said gently. “As long as you don’t judge my technique.”

XxXxXxXxXxX

She had somehow let herself get completely worked up and overwrought, the excitement of her discovery, the off-ness of not feeling well, the grip of exhaustion and the stress of the storm, and their isolation all aggregating until she was a jumble of pathos and hysteria.

What was the matter with her?

Mulder’s solution was simple and direct. If she was concerned about contagion, she should test herself. They’d know one way or the other. One step at a time.

He’d done the blood draw beautifully, had been gentle and deferential, asking her advice on the best way to do this or that, and she didn’t realize until he was done that he’d drawn her focus away from her fear and managed to calm her down without her catching on to his tactics.

They’d taken three vials worth of blood; one to run under the microscope, one to run through The Machine (a piece of NASA medical equipment that ran multiple simple diagnostic analyses), and one for further testing and experimentation, if necessary.

Mulder held up the first vial.

“Do you want me to do it?” he asked.

She felt calm now, and silly for having gotten so worked up. She was embarrassed and needed a distraction. “I’ll do it,” she said, and she took the vial from him and readied a slide, putting it into the Glove Box for a closer look.

Her nerves were tightly wound, but she moved with confidence, in her element, determined to do the science right. She clicked the light on the microscope and changed out the lens. One deep breath, and she looked into the eyepiece.

XxXxXxXxXxX

Mulder was on the edge of his seat, his nerves worn raw with concern, but unwilling to let Scully catch on to any of his internal disquiet. She needed confidence and calm and a partner to shore her up. He would wait, quietly and calmly, for Scully to do her work and tell him what she saw.

Blood thrumming, he watched as she adjusted the slide, swapped lenses, adjusted again, swapped again. And just when he was about to burst out of his skin, Scully pulled back from the microscope and gripped the lab table hard, her knuckles turning white. She inhaled and exhaled once and then turned to Mulder.

“There’s no evidence of contagion,” she said with a shaky voice. “My blood is clean.”

Mulder was up before he could tell his legs to move, and he wrapped Scully in a tight hug. She clung to him just as fiercely and he could feel her sag in relief.

“You had me worried,” he said into the silk of her hair.

“I had myself worried,” she said, her voice muffled from where her face was pressed into his chest. “But Mulder,” and with this he pulled back a little, looked down at her. “Something is going on with me, and we need to figure out what it is.”

He nodded and ran hands over her hair, tucking it behind both ears at the same time. “And we will. We’ll start right now.”

“You know how to load the sample into The Machine?” she asked him. The next course of action would be to run the second vial of blood through the small diagnostic computer, which would give them an idea of where to start depending on the results of the various analyses it ran.

“I’ve been told it’s so simple even a psychologist can do it.”

She smiled at him tiredly. “Can you load it, then? It’ll take a few hours to run. We should get some sleep.”

He nodded and leaned down to press a quick kiss to the tip of her nose. “Go get ready for bed,” he said, and took the second sample over to the lab’s computer interface.

When he was done loading it and the machine was up and running, he turned to find Scully standing in front of the larger cot on the edge of the lab, dropping her jumpsuit to pool on the floor at her feet. She stood before him in a white tank top and a pair of panties and she looked thinner than she had the last time they’d been together. Outside, a low throb of thunder rumbled.

“Take me to bed, Mulder,” she said. “Take me away from here for a little while.”

He swallowed hard and his face went hot. He stepped up to her, ran a finger slowly up the side of her bare arm. “Anywhere,” he whispered.

Later, when he lifted his head from her lap, the foggy moisture of her center plied to his chin like rich river mud, in texture, in taste, he realized where they’d gone. Back to grassy hills and expansive water. Back to the heat of the desert, to the brackish shore of the Chesapeake. She was all the flavors of home, of the Earth, her hands like a starfish in his hair, her very essence of the sea.

They’d gone back. At least for a little while.

When he awoke hours later, she was riffling through a supply cabinet with an unnerving air of hysteria, her jumpsuit pulled back over her shoulders, but the front unzipped and gaping and showing the pendulous curve of her perfect breasts.

He tried to blink the sleep out of his eyes and glanced over at The Machine, the screen of which was showing a readout that he couldn’t make out from where he lay on the cot across the room.

“Scully?” he called over to her, his voice sounding groggy and frog-like, still choked with sleep. “Is The Machine done? What does it say?

She didn’t answer, just continued to paw through the contents of one of the medical lockers. Concerned, Mulder sat up, thinking maybe she was searching for a drug, something to fix whatever it was that was wrong.

“Scully?” he said again, and then, not bothering to dress, he walked over to The Machine and rove his eyes over the results of Scully’s blood analysis. Some of the results he was familiar with, some he was not. From his base-level understanding, everything appeared to be in order.

He ran his finger down the screen and stopped near the bottom, at a line that had been highlighted with the cursor.

Quantitative (beta) human chorionic gonadotropin level: 153,767 mIU/mL, it read.

The hair on the back of his neck stood on end. He turned slowly to Scully, who had risen from the cabinet, holding several small bottles in her hand.

“Scully,” he said once more, and she slowly turned to him. He pointed to the screen. “What does this mean?”

Her nostrils flared and she looked him dead in the eye.

“I’m pregnant,” she said.

#the x-files #fanfic #my fic #msr #au #wip #mars au

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emodennis · 1 year

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im not in the clearest headspace so this will be fuzzy, but basically i love fat mac because i am also fat and have severe body dysmorphia, and being able to laugh at my problems helps a lot. much in the same way im mentally disabled and seeing the gang make fun of charlie for his own makes me laugh, it makes me happy in a weird way to know that the gang would treat me just as poorly as theyd treat anyone else. i think if the gang Werent super mean to mac for being fat, then that would be out of character for them, especially dennis and dee. but i would totally love to hear your perspective on it!!!! sorry if this sounded like gibberish aksjsjdjd

this makes total sense, dw. everyone deals with their problems differently, and i think this show can be especially cathartic/comforting for people for different reasons. and i don't want it to seem like i'm trying to take that away from anyone.

i agree that the gang not being mean to mac for being fat would be out of character, which is why i wish that plotline was just not in the show.

but basically, i have three major issues with fat mac: the reason behind him, his characterization, and the way the gang treats him/the way that the show expects the audience to think about him.

so we all know that rob wanted to satirize the fact that often characters on TV shows look better as they get older because the actors get richer and have the means to maintain/improve their appearance. so he wanted his character to look worse, aka fat. already stigmatizing from the outset.

additionally, we see mac get stupider, lazier, and hungrier in season 7, moreso than in any other season (although he does get stupider in later seasons due to flanderization. but the change from seasons 5/6 to 7 was drastic). i don't have all the examples for this off the top of my head- i was going to gather those for a more thought-out post, but i'm sure some come to mind. they basically turn him into a fat stereotype for a season, and then subdue those traits immediately once he loses the weight in season 8. and every time he's shown wanting/eating food, it's in a way where we're meant to laugh at the spectacle of a fat person being obsessed with eating. and i know that's the intention because of how they utilize the gang as the straight person/people in those scenarios. which brings me to my next point.

i tend to compare/contrast the fat jokes to the way they make fun of mac for his gay behavior- the gay jokes are funny because they’re making fun of him for not realizing that what he’s saying/doing is gay. it doesn’t come across like his being gay is a bad thing, because we know that the characters accept him for it. the fat jokes are meant to be in a similar format- they’re making fun of mac for not realizing he’s fat. the joke is supposed to be about his delusion. but the difference is that they hate his being fat. the gang plays the voice of reason in those scenarios, the audience surrogate. they’re supposed to reflect what we’re all thinking: mac is fat and he needs to realize he’s fat and lose the weight because it’s disgusting.

also from the podcast, we know that rcg have very mainstream (aka fatphobic) views of health, which are especially visible in the who's more healthier episodes. i'm not going to get into the science of why fat does not equal unhealthy, but a quick google search should explain why correlation does not equal causation (and even if a fat person is unhealthy, there's the whole "why should we harass/discriminate against people for being unhealthy" part too but that's another thing). anyway, it's pretty clear that rcg view being fat as a bad thing and it shows up in their writing.

i know this show perpetuates all sorts of bigotry, and fatphobia is just one thing on a long list. but i have a neurodivergent level of fixation on fighting fatphobia, so that's one of the battles i choose.

i accept (and on good days, love) myself for being fat. i don't find catharsis in fat jokes. they just piss me off and make me sad for all the fat people who are going to have to hear yet another message about why their bodies are bad.

(btw, most of this was just a general rant/explanation and not a direct response to your message. i wish you the best on your acceptance journey and i'm glad that fat mac helps you through it.)

#phoenix talks #asks #i'm open to other differing opinions as long as they're respectful!

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scarsmood · 1 year

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You were cool for exactly five seconds until I found out you’re pro endo. You realize endos suicide bait, right? You realize DID systems have died due to their suicide baiting, physical, emotional and sexual abuse? I’ve known people who have died because of endos. Way too many people. Where’s your support for them, asswipe? You gonna turn your back on your own community for a bunch of attention whores? Man, fuck you.

Get fucked asshole, I have no idea what type of “endos” your talking about I’ve never had this problem. More often than not I see people like you bullying them into hiding. There’s literally nothing wrong with being endogenic. Their behavior is not because their endogenic either correlation does not equal causation.

Also between the two of us for the community I can say I’ve done way more than you. I’ve participated in DID research, talked and worked with previous trauma institute leads, i have been in the community for 10~ years now and none of it has ever had to end up dealing with “endos” if “endos” are the issues your facing with DID. I don’t understand why it’s at the top of your list when daily activities, professional misinformation and forced integration are way more pressing issues. How about the fact that it’s ethically okay for professionals (and encouraged) to hypnotize people with DID without their consent. When it’s shown that DID makes someone extremely prone to hypnosis in the first place.

But your telling me theres these vauge people that are endos that suicide bait. Thats cool. You know the suicide rate for DID is sitting comfy at something like 40-50% anyways? Let me tell you people bullying you, oppressing disabled people, and causing more trauma to people with DID are the real problem. Suicide baiting is terrible but its not because someone is endogenic. Do you realize how god damn stupid you sound? Thats like saying “don’t support bears we should kill all of them because my friend was mauled to death by one”

If your going to target a random ass group from your personal experience at least back it up with something substantial. But you cant. Because research shows and has always shown that plurality is not disordered. What is disordered is dissociation between parts. I have so many endogenic friends. I have tulpas myself, i have all kinds of shit im a polyfragmented system thats how it goes.

Why would I give a fuck about endos? Why would I be upset about someone who is plural without trauma? They are great people. Unfollow me. If you really wanna have a conversation get off anon im more than happy to have a long form discussion about this. But right now this keyboard warrior hiding behind anon is not impressing me. You are not doing anything at all related to what you were hoping.

Do not fuck with me on this. If you really care I’m more than happy to be kind and explain my side but it doesn’t seem you want that. I want you to know that I am not alone. Endogenic support is strong and thriving in spite of people like you. You have no excuse to repeat what was done to you onto them. None. Are we clear?

#asks #i can be nice #i swear

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coreyww · 1 year

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Look I know correlation doesn’t necessarily equal causation, I’m just saying that ever since they stopped making new entries in the Chrono Trigger series, the political climate has gotten really divided and global warming has increased rapidly and MAYBE we should just have someone look into that, is all I’m saying.

#chrono trigger #jrpgs

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theres-whump-in-that-nebula · 1 year

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Hi! Hope this is alright to ask. Pretty much I am trying to figure out what draws me to whump, and I feel a bit out of place when I try to find answers. I've been through traumatic experiences before and a lot of times I've heard that people cope by putting characters through traumatic experiences but then give them comfort or a happy ending as a way to take your power back/rewrite your personal life story. Personally I don't resonate with that because I don't always include comfort. But at the same time I do feel like I'm using whump writing to cope somehow... I'm just not sure how? Like when I look up articles on 'writing therapy' a lot of what comes up has to do with 'giving the characters the happy ending you would have liked for yourself' but again, I can't really relate. Plus, I also consume whump. Lately a show I'm watching has had one character go through a lot of whumpy scenes and it's sparked an interest in me, like I rewatch those scenes a bunch of times and now have an interest in writing that specific character going through pain when I had never considered that before. And it's also caused my mind to 'branch out' I guess, and get more ideas for what kind of whump I'd want to include in my own writing. Even though I've been interested in whump for a while already, this is really the first time canon whump scenes have drawn me in so much. I know I don't really have to justify liking whump to anyone and some people simply just like it, but in my case, I do feel like it's deeper than that and I just don't know what some possible explanations could be? Thanks if you're able to offer some insight!

Ah, glad you’ve found us here on the Tumblr Dot Com, my dude!

I’m kind of the same way, honestly. I’m mostly in it for the physical sensation (which is cozy and warms me up like a hot cup of tea on a cold, rainy day). It may very well be that whump is a brain chemistry thing that some people are just predisposed to (like how some people feel tingles when listening to AS/MR while others don’t). (I also experience tingles by the way… I know correlation doesn’t equal causation, but hm… it might be worth researching [nudges the psychology academics])

But I do also feel a level of emotional attachment to certain types of whump (particularly if a character is crying or screaming). For me, I like watching/reading those kind of scenes because that’s the only time I react in a “normal” way to sad and/or messed-up things; because I’m usually alone when I do this, so I don’t feel I have to hide what I feel from others. Everything comes to the surface and it’s very nice.

Or sometimes I’m just down in the dumps and I decide to stare at Gilbert Kane writhing on the dinner table for the eight-millionth time and go “Damn I wish that were me.” But like in a very normal, catharsis-seeking way… I don’t have a death wish.

So it could be an emotional expression thing(?) Or (if you’re into the more, eh, one-on-one Whumper/Whumpee dynamic) it could also be seeking validation that what people did to you was, in fact, Very Bad… or not idk.

Or, you could just have a fascination with the weird, disturbing, and gross, which manifests itself in a love of whump. This could be indicated by your other interests.

Or, you could just enjoy seeing variations on a theme; what writers do differently or the same as each other. I know I love binge-watching an actor’s work for a year (or three lmfao) and studying their mannerisms and micro-expressions. I also love picking apart imagery and wording in written pieces. So, it could just be a different type of “Love of the Craft,” so to speak?

Or, it could be an outlet for anger. Sometimes it is for me, but usually it isn’t the case. But generally, when I feel like throttling a person and cracking their skull open like a pistachio shell, I find a whump blogger with open asks and do horrible things to their OCs. I squeeze them like stress balls. Didn’t ask. Don’t care. [violence] [violence] [violence]

Anyway, thank you for asking me! Have fun and keep whumping.

(Autocorrect almost changed “whumping” to “whipping.” Very off-topic, I know… but so, so on-brand djdjdjdjdjdndndn help I’m laughing now)

#whump meta #asks #:)

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ambientbroth · 2 years

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Self Diagnosis Autism Entry 8 (I think)

I left and did some reflecting

I watched a bunch of YouTube videos and dove into the side of self diagnosis becoming a very popular trend and topic discussion.

Becoming embarrassed of myself and what I choose to type out behind a screen I realized a couple things based on some of the more popular takes on why self diagnosis is not valid

Do they realize it’s a disability? Why do they want to have that disability?

I for sure know people go online and fake disabilities. I also know that when someone does that, it does mean there’s something else wrong but maybe not the disability they are fronting. I didn’t want to relate to Autism, I actually tried out all the other “common” disorders (by tried out I mean to do excessive research until I proved to myself I couldn’t relate to the disorder) but I so far I can’t disprove my Autism. I catch myself stimming, unable to bathe myself because I just like being in the bathroom for hours, unable to connect with people unless it’s a special interest, with many burned bridges, and failed coping mechanisms but finding Autism coping mechanisms to be extremely helpful. I could go on.

Even if you have the symptoms it doesn’t mean you have it. Correlation does not equal causation.

This is actually true but it’s so confusing for me. I demonstrate so many traits in Autism, some I’ve never made up, and the only explanation I can’t cross off is Autism. I know there are people to argue against it but I can’t disprove my love for dark and small spaces - so much I use to wander away from family events to hide in the trunk of cars, find new dark hiding places in every house I lived in; a closet room, a corner and couch, kitchen cabinets, boxes, under desk, and bathrooms. I can’t disprove the fact that when someone touches me it’ll feel like acid is burning me, or when I’m touched somewhere I feel it in my belly button?? The amount of times I’d been called a brat or my over sensitivity to sounds and lights and people and my own emotions being used against me. I can’t disprove my inabilities, the ones that I need to function. I’ve gotten away with so much of my behavior because I’m conventionally attractive, it’s not a brag, I needed and still need a lot of help.

Negative experiences in life don’t need a medical diagnosis

This is also very true. Like if you suffer with depression, anxiety, and or ADHD you don’t need that to necessarily tell you, you have sleep problems. It doesn’t make the sleep problems go away. It’s the fact that you’re experiencing them and need support. This is I do agree with. There’s a different between “Negative life experiences” and “being disabled”. Being socially awkward and over stimulated does not mean you have Autism. You can tell it’s a disability when you demonstrate “negative traits” of Autism as well as the “regular traits” I’m not using it as an excuse to be a bad person, I know this and my partner knows this. However, when it gets bad it gets horribly bad. It takes half the day or most of the night. It needs to be cared for with patience because I’m unable to be that myself, I might unalived myself if it was up to me to care for it. It happens less frequently now due to the proper coping mechanisms under Autism. Before my Autism discovery, I was having meltdowns 2-3 times a week. It was exhausting. I was always at a battle with my job, my relationship, my inward opinions of myself. It’s debilitating you have to know that it’s not just negative experience.

It’s just a label they give themselves it’s doesn’t actually help them so what’s the point?

I kinda already went over this but it helps in other ways rather than just finding comfort in the label itself. Like I said, finding the right coping mechanisms. I’m starting to unpacking what I was diagnosed with in adolescence and noticing how the therapy and coping strategies never actually connected with me or rarely helped or explain myself. I never really had anxiety attacks and I wasn’t really depressed so I felt like I had imposter syndrome - and my mom made it worse (but that’s not the story today lol) The panic attacks had were due to overstimulation, emotional processing, alienation, changes - which is common! But the coping mechanisms like:

“Okay you’re having a panic attack let’s focus on the senses” like THAT would stress me out even more, that made me feel worse.

Other than coping mechanisms, there’s also learning sign language and wearing noise canceling out in public (also as a coping strategy) but it helps.

Even if I may not have Autism, I’m finding, within myself, ways I’m improving my quality of life. It’s the most my life has ever felt explained.

#self diagnosed autisic #autism in women #autism in girls #actually autistic #autisic traits #late diagnosed autistic #undiagnosed autism #autistic feels #self diagnosis #self diagnosers #autism #autistic adult #autistic experiences #autistic spectrum #neurodivergent #actuallyautistic #executive dysfunction

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raposarealm · 2 years

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Ok, but, Rui, that’s evidence though! It’s weak evidence, but evidence nonetheless! Circumstance means very little (correlation doesn’t equal causation!!) but it’s still something to keep in mind.

While Rui’s definitely not delusional right now, her excitement shows through nonetheless. She’s anxious, but she’s also agitated at Miranda in general, so she’s using harsh language. You don’t wanna do this, it takes away your credibility, and makes it sound as if you’re just accusing the target for other reasons. Rui sounds like she’s annoyed at Miranda, and is taking that out on him by... accusing him of murder. Extreme, but I’ve known cases like that within my own family even.

Rui’s trying so hard right now to come up with a different reasoning to her theory beyond “I used magic,” because wow does that sound not credible in the slightest outside of magical girl circles (and maybe covens? I don’t know.)

#this might even be a three-part post this accusation conversation is long #i the reincarnated overlord magnificently thwart their conspiracy!!#reincarnated overlord liveblog

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scrawnydutchman · 2 years

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Chuck Goes to Therapy (a Better Call Saul Elseworld fanfiction)

The following is a fan made fictional exchange featuring the character Chuck McGill from the series Better Call Saul. In this instance, rather than go through the canon sequence of events, Chuck decides to go to therapy to explore the cause of his supposed “allergy to electricity”. These sessions take place around mid-to-late season one, when Jimmy is putting together the SandPiper case. Some Better Call Saul spoilers ahead.

Session #1:

Dr. Melford: Hello, Charles! I’m Dr. Cheryl Melford. It’s an honor to finally meet you in person!

Chuck: Likewise, Doctor Melford, and please call me “Chuck”. Everyone does.

Dr. Melford: Of course. Well, Chuck, as you have requested for our sessions I have come to your home free of electricity. I’ve grounded myself and have left my phone outside.

Chuck: Thank you, I really appreciate it. I know it’s a very strange request.

Dr. Melford: It’s no trouble at all, Chuck. It’s not too bad a drive down here and I am happy to accommodate for your needs in the process of helping you. So this is how you have been living, hmm? No circuitry in the walls. No lights. No television. No computer.

Chuck: Yes, I know. It’s been . . .an inconvenience to say the very least. I’m afraid it’s really taken control of my life . . .

Dr. Melford: Yes, well, that is precisely what I am here to explore with you. Just as a refresher could you briefly summarize the issue?

Chuck: Well . . . I have electromagnetic hypersensitivity. I . . SUPPOSE it could be described as an “allergy to electricity”, though I think that’s a tad reductive. I gain extreme fatigue and physical pain when exposed to an electromagnetic field for too long.

Dr. Melford: This means going anywhere where there is an electrical current nearby?

Chuck: Yes, exactly.

Dr. Melford: That sounds absolutely awful, Chuck. I’m so sorry to hear that.

Chuck: Well, thank you.

Dr. Melford: I do want to say that there have been similar cases to what you’re feeling in the past from a psychological perspective.

Chuck: Is that right?

Dr. Melford: Yes. Many people in the world have reported similar troubles like feeling a burning sensation when their skin touches any kind of water or extreme fatigue in direct sunlight. Matter of fact, this is not the first time I’ve heard of an “allergy to electricity” in my field.

Chuck: So it IS real!!! I was right!

Dr. Melford: I’m afraid that’s not where I was going, Chuck. You see, many of these cases can be attributed to what’s called “Psychogenic pain”. Psychogenic pain is what happens when you feel some sort of physical pain due to purely psychological factors. Basically it’s when you feel something so extremely and passionately that those feelings start manifesting into physical discomfort. Many people who do not explore the psychological aspect blame an outside source for their pain, despite there being no such evidence to support that the outside source is what is causing it. What’s more: when they start cutting off that source like never touching water again or never going back into direct sunlight--

Chuck: Or never being around electricity . . . .

Dr. Melford: Exactly. The placebo effect kicks in. You believe it to have made a change and so you feel the change occurring. But I’m sure you know since you’re a lawyer: correlation does not equal causation.

Chuck: . . . So my sensitivity to electricity isn’t real. It really is all in my head.

Dr. Melford: I’m afraid so, Chuck. But that doesn’t make this any less of a valid problem. In fact, knowing this is very hopeful, because now we know how to go about treating it. The first step is to explore precisely what extreme feeling is causing your physical pain which you are blaming on electricity. So tell me, Chuck . . . . whenever you are feeling this pain, what is your most prominent feeling emotionally?

Chuck: . . . probably . . . . probably stress.

Dr. Melford: Okay, good! So you tend to feel very stressed . . .what about?

Chuck: Well . . . . anxiety about not going back to work, I suppose. Sadness that I’m not able to go back to my routine. There’s also my brother--

Dr. Melford: Your brother Jimmy, is that right?

Chuck: That’s the one.

Dr. Melford: From what I understand, Jimmy has been taking care of you for over a year after you developed this condition. Could you go into more detail about that?

Chuck: Well, certainly . . . Jimmy has been running errands for me that I can’t do myself. Packs of Ice. Lantern Oil. Foods of all sorts. My newspapers.

Dr. Melford: What an astonishingly caring little brother! You’re very lucky to have him!

Chuck: . . . . . hmmm . . . . .

Dr. Melford: I’m sorry, did I say something wrong?

Chuck: No, no, you’re right. Jimmy has been a big help.

Dr. Melford: Earlier you said that Jimmy has been a cause of your stress. In what ways?

Chuck: Well, I mean . . . . I love my brother, don’t get me wrong, but . . . . . he’s a bit of a character.

Dr. Melford: How so?

Chuck: . . . . back in Cicero, where we grew up, Jimmy had a nickname. “Slippin’ Jimmy” they called him. He got this name by being something of a prankster. A con man. He made a game out of tricking people out of their money. Jimmy has always been an opportunist . . .to a worrying degree.

Dr. Melford: I see . . .

Chuck: You know the whole reason he had a job at my law firm’s mail room was because I helped him get back on his feet after he got in some particularly high trouble. It’s why he’s here with me now in Albuquerque.

Dr. Melford: I see. And what’s Jimmy up to nowadays?

Chuck: . . . . . . . . .

Dr. Melford: . . . Chuck?

Chuck: Excuse me.

*Chuck gets up from his seat and dashes to another room. He comes back completely covered in a space blanket*.

Dr. Melford: . . . what is this?

Chuck: Oh. It’s a space blanket. It’s to protect me from some electromagnetic radiation that I sense nearby.

Dr. Melford: . . . Chuck, we established at the beginning of our session that electricity is not to blame for your physical pain. Nothing has changed about our surroundings. You mean to tell me you’re feeling the fatigue right now?

Chuck: I . . . I don’t know. I don’t know how this can be . . . .

Dr. Melford: This started happening because we got to talking about your brother. Your feelings towards him are manifesting. Let’s keep going--

Chuck: I don’t want to--

Dr. Melford: Chuck, this is a major breakthrough. If we don’t explore this we may not find the key to helping you reintegrate into a normal life. I know it hurts, but this is part of the healing process. I need you to trust me.

Chuck: . . . well . . . alright . . . . .

Dr. Melford: So allow me to repeat my earlier question . . . what is Jimmy up to these days?

Chuck: . . . . he’s a lawyer . . .

Dr. Melford: Oh wow. Just like you! How did that come about?

Chuck: . . . . He took an online course. Night classes while he was working in the mailroom.

Dr. Melford: So he bootstrapped his way into the field. What are your thoughts on that?

Chuck: . . . . .

Dr. Melford: Chuck, I can’t help you if you aren’t willing to explore this.

Chuck: . . . . He’s not a real lawyer.

Dr. Melford: Okay. Why not?

Chuck: Online course . . . what a joke. I worked my ass off to build my company . . . . . then he thinks because he’s funny and charming and cuts corners suddenly that makes him my peer.

Dr. Melford: You feel that the way in which he acquired his degree is not legitimate. Would you have preferred he got his degree the same way you did? Would he be a real lawyer then?

Chuck: Please. Jimmy is capable of a lot of things, but he could never do what I’ve done.

Dr. Melford: Mmmm. I’m sensing a lot of indignation for your brother.

Chuck: . . . . like I said, I love my brother. But . . .

Dr. Melford: But you don’t want him to be a lawyer.

Chuck: . . . . yes.

Dr. Melford: Does it have something to do with your brother’s sketchy behavior from your youth?

Chuck: Of course it does. My brother can’t help but hop on the next opportunity to make an easy buck. Solicitation. Bribery. Falsifying evidence. He’d do it all. The law is too sacred for his antics.

Dr. Melford: Okay. Then may I ask: What if he was never the brother you knew? What if he was a straight edge guy like you were: always by the books, straight a student. He built his own company just like you did. Would you respect him as a lawyer then?

Chuck: . . . . . yes.

Dr. Melford: There was quite a bit of hesitation in that answer, Chuck. It makes me think . . . . there’s more to it than that.

Chuck: . . . . .

Dr. Melford: I believe that is our time, but we have made incredible progress in our first session. I’m very pleased, Chuck, and I think we are on a road to recovery. Next week I would like to continue exploring your relationship with your brother. Have a nice day!

Chuck: Yes. . . .thank you, doctor.

Session #2:

Dr. Melford: Hello again, Chuck! How has your week been?

Chuck: Alright, I think. How was yours?

Dr. Melford: It was good, thank you! Have you been experiencing any episodes of pain in the last week?

Chuck: Not so much, no. I’m still afraid to go anywhere though.

Dr. Melford: I’m happy you haven’t been feeling in pain, Chuck. Now then . . . when we last spoke, we were discussing your relationship with your brother. When I asked if you would respect Jimmy as a lawyer if he achieved it the same way you did, you hesitated to say yes. Is there something there you haven’t told me about yet?

Chuck: . . . .

Dr. Melford: Let’s take a step back from Jimmy as a lawyer and as a prankster for a bit. Why don’t you tell me what it was like growing up with Jimmy. Do you have many fond memories of you with your brother?

Chuck: Not many, to be honest. I read stories to him sometimes when we were out camping . . . . we had a fun time singing Karaoke one night . . . . that’s about it.

Dr. Melford: I see. And what about bad memories? Do you have many of those?

Chuck: *laughs* . . . . well . . . . As I told you, Jimmy was always up to trouble. One time he accidentally brought two girls he wanted to date to our mother’s birthday party. Everyone cleaned up after him, like always. Mom had to leave her own birthday party to drive one of them home.

Dr. Melford: Oh wow.

Chuck: I’m only getting started. Remember last time how I told you that I took him into my own firm after He got into some trouble? Guess who was the one who bailed him out of that too? Jimmy defecated through a sun roof for Christ’s sake.

Dr. Melford: You’re joking.

Chuck: Oh, I wish I was. I shouldn’t have been as surprised as I was when I got the call. Jimmy has always been like that. You know, when our dad was running a little convenience store in Cicero, Jimmy was taking cash right out of the drawer whenever dad wasn’t looking. He pilfered $14,000 from our parents over the course of years.

Dr. Melford: How did that make your father feel?

Chuck: . . . . . . . .

Dr. Melford: Chuck . . .do you need a space blanket?

Chuck: Yes. I’m sorry, I’ll be right back.

Chuck goes out of the room to grab a space blanket and comes back out, wrapped in it. He sits back down.

Chuck: Ah. Right. Where were we?

Dr. Melford: I asked you how your father felt about Jimmy pilfering his money.

Chuck: . . . . I tried to tell him. But he wouldn’t believe me. He refused. Mom wouldn’t believe it either. “Not our Jimmy” they would say. ��Couldn’t be precious Jimmy”. I just . . . . I never understood it. No matter how badly Jimmy would screw up. No matter how much he would hurt people. They would always take his side.

Dr. Melford: You believe he was receiving special treatment.

Chuck: *sigh* . . . . I’ll give Jimmy this, he has always been very charismatic. He has to be; otherwise he would never get away with all this. He’s always had a way with people . . . and he often uses that for ill.

Dr. Melford: I’m sure you’re familiar with the term “sibling rivalry”. Some feel indignant about their siblings because they are often compared to them by their parental figures. It creates a sense of favoritism in the family unit. Do you feel as though your parents would favor Jimmy over you?

Chuck: . . . . my parents loved me.

Dr. Melford: But did it sometimes not feel that way?

Chuck: . . . . . . . . . .

Dr. Melford: This is a safe space, Chuck. Many people feel what you feel. It’s okay.

Chuck: *starts crying* . . . . . . when our mother died . . . . . Jimmy was out of the hospital room, grabbing something to eat. It was just mom and I. She was unconscious for a bit. Then she started coming to. I called to her, letting her know that she wasn’t alone. But all she would say was “Jimmy . . . . Jimmy . . . “. I tried to tell her that it was Chuck with her, not Jimmy. Didn’t change anything. She was still calling for Jimmy. Then, suddenly . . . . . flat line. By the time Jimmy came back she was already gone.

Dr. Melford: . . . . I’m so sorry, Chuck.

Dr. Melford pushes a tox of tissues towards Chuck. Chuck reaches for them to dry his eyes.

Dr. Melford: We have made exceptional progress in only a couple sessions, Chuck. Not only have we concluded that it is not electricity that is causing your extreme discomfort . . .but it’s your unresolved feelings towards your brother that is causing it.

Chuck: Could that really be it?

Dr. Melford: It seems to me that your physical pain increases whenever you think about your brother’s exploits or how your parents responded to them. Whenever we go deeper into it you feel the need to grab a space blanket.

Chuck: Yes . . . yes I . . . I can see the connection. But what do I do?

Dr. Melford: As much as you may not like this advice . . . I think you ought to make amends with your little brother.

Chuck: . . . Of course. It’s always about what I have to do. As usual Jimmy never has to take responsibility--

Dr. Melford: I’m not saying Jimmy has no need to take accountability. Reconciliation is more for your sake than it is for his. Many people in life hold on to grudges on principle. They conclude that if somebody hasn’t learned their lesson than they do not deserve the satisfaction of forgiveness. But holding on to those negative feelings is damaging. It’s not healthy to let negative feelings rule your life . . and you know by now that that is inevitably what they do.

Chuck: . . . . I suppose.

Dr. Melford: . . . So here’s what strikes me . . . After you take Jimmy into your firm, Jimmy decides to work hard on nights and become a lawyer for himself. Why do you believe he has done this?

Chuck: . . . . Who knows? Probably thinks it’s an easy payday after seeing all of my success. Probably trying to ride off of my coattails.

Dr. Melford: Respectfully, Chuck, I don’t think Jimmy would have to put in nearly that kind of work just to get a lot of money. Jimmy seems crafty enough to find some other way.

Chuck: I suppose . . .

Dr. Melford: So why, then? Why would Jimmy want to be a lawyer, just like you?

Chuck: . . . .

Dr. Melford: I think this is a good place to tell today’s session, Chuck. Until next week, I’d like you to think about why Jimmy wanted to become a lawyer. I’d even go as far as say you should ask him why if you see him again. And . . . maybe one of these days you should let Jimmy attend one of our sessions.

Chuck: . . . why?

Dr. Melford: I’d like to hear his side of things.

Chuck: Of course you do. You’ll be swooned to his side just like everyone else.

Dr. Melford: It is not my job to take sides or pass judgment, Chuck. This isn’t a trial. It’s a therapy session. It’s clear what you need is to reconcile with your brother, and the best way to do that in my opinion is to create a space where you can be open and honest with each other. Your perspective is valid, Chuck, but it is only a piece of the larger picture. I think it would greatly benefit you to know how Jimmy sees all of this.

Chuck: . . . . .

Dr. Melford: At the very least, seriously think about it. I’ll see you next week.

Session #3:

Dr. Melford: Hello, Chuck! It’s nice to see you again. How has your week been?

Chuck: Alright. And yours?

Dr. Melford: It’s been good, thank you! Have you experienced any episodes of pain in the last week?

Chuck: None at all actually. I mean, I’m still afraid to go anywhere but I’ve generally been feeling . . . a little better.

Dr. Melford: That’s great! Pretty soon we should start exercising going to places with electrical currents. Or maybe start smaller by introducing new electronics to your home. But we’ll save that conversation for later. Have you asked Jimmy why he wanted to become a lawyer?

Chuck: . . . I haven’t. Forgot to ask.

Dr. Melford: Okay. And I presume you haven’t approached him about attending one of our therapy sessions?

Chuck: . . . .No I have not.

Dr. Melford: Okay. For now we’ll move forward without him. But for the record I sincerely believe bringing him in would be instrumental to your progress. So . . . since he’s not here to answer why he wanted to be a lawyer, why don’t we speculate for a bit? We’ve already ruled out riding off your coattails since there are likely easier ways for him to make money than working night classes in secret. What else could it be?

Chuck: . . . . It could be that he wanted to impress Kim.

Dr. Melford: Kim?

Chuck: Kim Wexler. She got a job in our mail room around the same time Jimmy did. They became something of an item after that. She was training to be a lawyer and I imagine he did it to impress her.

Dr. Melford: Hmm. Could be. But did they get together before he became a lawyer?

Chuck: I believe so, yes.

Dr. Melford: Ah. So him being a lawyer wasn’t a prerequisite for them being together. She seems to have always liked him. I doubt anyone would put themselves through that much work for an end that isn’t necessary. What else could it be?

Chuck: Sorry . . .do you have a point?

Dr. Melford: Excuse me?

Chuck: You’re putting me through this guessing game for why Jimmy became a lawyer and you’re shutting down every theory I throw out. You clearly have your own idea for why he did this, so out with it.

Dr. Melford: Alright. I think Jimmy may have become a lawyer so that he could be closer to you.

Chuck: *chuckles* really?

Dr. Melford: No, seriously! Think about it. He clearly loves you a great deal, helping you so much with your condition and making all these sacrifices for you. Since he loves you it’s likely he also wants your respect. Perhaps he thought the best way he could do that was if he achieved something that was meaningful to you. I.E. becoming a lawyer.

Chuck: . . . Hmm. I suppose that could be.

Dr. Melford: Part of the reason I was hoping Jimmy would attend one of our sessions was that I would like him to confirm his reasoning to us so that we don’t have to speculate. But I think it fits, don’t you?

Chuck: . . . . . hmmm . . . .

Dr. Melford: You don’t think so?

Chuck: No no, I suppose it’s possible. And I won’t deny, Jimmy worked very hard to pass the bar exam, but . . . . . I just can’t help but wonder . . . what is this all leading to?

Dr. Melford: How do you mean?

Chuck: Being an attorney is an enormous responsibility. It isn’t simply representing your client: It’s bigger than that. You embody ideals greater than yourself. Justice. Retribution. The belief that those who do harm can and will receive punishment for their actions. But Jimmy . . . he spent his whole life finding a way out of trouble. He embodies everything a lawyer should stand against. Giving someone like him that kind of power is . . . unconscionable.

Dr. Melford: Do you believe it is only inevitable for Jimmy to lash out? Do you believe that he is incapable of change?

Chuck: People don’t change.

Dr. Melford: What makes you say that?

Chuck: Because I’ve never known anyone who has changed who they are. Not in my entire life.

Dr. Melford: The thought that people don’t change plagues a lot of people, Chuck. In fact, that thought discourages many people from going to therapy. They figure “what’s the point? Why bother? I’m never going to get better. This is just who I am.”. And they live their whole lives wondering what might have been. What if I told you you are never going to get better? That you’re gonna be “allergic to electricity” your entire life?

Chuck: . . . . .

Dr. Melford: Believing that change is possible is what therapy is all about, Chuck. Matter of fact, I would argue it’s what justice is all about too. Justice is about serving your sentence for your crime and then once your sentence is served you can come back to the right side of the law. But the current justice system, in my view at least, is flawed because it believes solely in punishment and not in rehabilitation. Just as crime deserves to be punished, turning a new leaf deserves to be rewarded, wouldn’t you say?

Chuck: . . . So you’re saying Jimmy has redeemed himself? That he could keep his nose clean if only everyone believed in him hard enough? Sorry, but he’s disappointed me enough times for me to doubt that.

Dr. Melford: It’s true. Many people are multiple offenders and it takes a long time before they beat their demons for good. But they still need to believe it’s possible . . .or else it never will be.

Chuck: . . . . Jimmy doesn’t deserve it.

Dr. Melford: Why not?

Chuck: Because he got off too easy on everything he’s ever done, that’s why! He defecates through a sun roof and I bail him out. He pilfers thousands of dollars from our father and never pays for it. Maybe he’d be worthy of redemption if he actually took the standard sentence of what he’s guilty of for a change.

Dr. Melford: What would Jimmy have to do to be worthy of forgiveness and reconciliation? What’s the one thing he hasn’t done that is keeping him in the mud?

Chuck: . . . .

Dr. Melford: Chuck, are you familiar with this quote? “Forgive others not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace?”

Chuck: I’ve heard that before, Yes. Never thought it was that easy.

Dr. Melford: It’s not about being easy, Chuck. It’s about doing what you must to truly find peace. From your perception, you have seen Jimmy charm everyone you know and get away with many of his antics along the way. So you have taken it upon yourself to ensure that you will be the one person in Jimmy’s life to not have the sheep’s wool put over your eyes. You cannot forgive Jimmy because you think that would be a form of conceding to him just like everyone else has. Many people feel the same way you do about those who have done them harm. But it ends up damaging you alongside him and everyone is worse off in the end. This contempt for your brother is clearly the source of your episodes of pain and refusing to confront this and embrace Jimmy means refusing to ever have a life with a basic utility ever again. And it doesn’t stop there. Think about Jimmy--

Chuck: Of course. As always it’s “think about Jimmy” . . .

Dr. Melford: Just indulge me for a second, Chuck. How did you come to find out about Jimmy passing the bar exam?

Chuck: He came into my office the day he found out and handed me the letter.

Dr. Melford: And how did that make you feel?

Chuck: . . . . . . God dammit. Excuse me.

Chuck gets up from his seat to grab a space blanket from the other room and sits back down

Chuck: I got to remember to keep these on hand for our sessions. Anyway . . . . *sigh* . . . . . . I was . . . I don’t even know how to describe how I felt that day. I was flabbergasted. Certainly surprised. A little impressed, I won’t lie . . . but also worried. Deeply, deeply worried. I knew it could only mean bad things, so I did what I had to.

Dr. Melford: What do you mean? What did you do?

Chuck: Jimmy was under the impression that after he passed the bar exam he would start representing my firm as a lawyer. I shut that down quickly. I got Howard to break the news to him that we can’t hire him. He became a district attorney instead.

Dr. Melford: . . . . this is precisely what I’m talking about, Chuck.

Chuck: How do you mean?

Dr. Melford: You are deliberately inhibiting Jimmy’s growth. Jimmy showed you the approval letter because he wanted YOUR approval. He wants you to be proud of him, and he wanted to prove to you that he has made honest changes. But you couldn’t see it. You still hold yourself responsible to ensuring Jimmy gets some sort of punishment he got away from all his life. You refuse to forgive him or believe in him . . . and it’s tearing you apart as well. This vitriol you feel for your brother, THIS is what’s causing your episodes of physical pain--

Chuck: This is ridiculous.

Dr. Melford: How come whenever we start getting into the grittier details of your relationship with your brother you need a space blanket? Why does your “allergy to electricity” intensify whenever Jimmy does something?

Chuck: . . . . .

Dr. Melford: This obligation you have put on yourself to drag Jimmy down . . .it’s making you sink with him. Both of you are worse off because of this. You are forming an alleged “sensitivity to electricity” and Jimmy has no way of honestly getting ahead in life. Is it worth staying in hell just to make sure Jimmy won’t make it to heaven?

Chuck: . . . . . .

Dr. Melford: That’s our time for this week Chuck. But please, seriously consider what I am advising here. Your contempt needs to be released constructively and healthily. You can’t keep it pent up anymore. I want you to seriously consider inviting Jimmy to our next session. I mean it. If you do what I ask, we may be able to put this to bed once and for all. I’ll see you next week, Chuck.

Chuck: . . . Yes . . . see you next week.

Session #4:

as Dr. Melford arrives at Chuck’s house, she notices that Jimmy is there too.

Dr. Melford: . . . you must be Jimmy! I’m Dr. Cheryl Melford. It’s an honor to finally meet you! Chuck has told me much about you.

Jimmy: Woo. Chuck’s been talkin’ about me in therapy? That can’t be good.

Dr. Melford: I assure you it is! Having a space to speak openly and honestly is always a good thing.

Jimmy: Well, it’s easy to say that when your payday depends on it am I right?

Chuck: Jimmy . . . .

Dr. Melford: No, It’s alright Chuck. He has a point. Besides, you’re no stranger to profiting off people’s honesty, are you Mr. Lawyer?

Jimmy: Touche, Doc, Touche! I like this one!

Chuck: . . . . . .

Dr. Melford: It’s really alright, Chuck. We’re just being friendly. Based on how you described him I figured Jimmy might be the type of guy who likes shots in good fun.

Jimmy: Damn. You’re good at this. I haven’t even told you my life story yet!

Chuck: Yes, Dr. Melford is exceptional in her field.

Dr. Melford: Well thank you, Chuck. The same can be said for both of you, I’m sure. I’m so pleased Jimmy could be here with us today. Now then, before we get started. Chuck, have you experienced any episodes of pain in the last week?

Chuck: No, not really.

Dr. Melford: That’s good! Have you made any attempts to interact with electronic devices or spaces?

Chuck: No, not really.

Jimmy: What? Yes you have.

Chuck: What are you talking about?

Jimmy: Remember the other day when we were putting together that case? You went outside and got something from the car. You didn’t even notice you were feeling fine until I called for you.

Dr. Melford: Is this true?? Did this really happen??

Chuck: Yes, I . . . .I suppose I forgot about that.

Dr. Melford: Chuck, that’s incredible! You went outside and opened a car trunk with no assistance? No space blankets?

Chuck: . . . Yes.

Dr. Melford: Chuck, that is fantastic! I’m very pleased to hear this. Let’s talk more about that. How did this come about? Jimmy said you were “putting together a case”?

Chuck: Yes, well . . . we can’t go too far into it just yet, but . . . the short version is that Jimmy had recently discovered a possibility of a class action lawsuit. He came to me for help with it and we started working on it together. I needed something from the car to do one of my tasks on it, so I . . . so I just went.

Dr. Melford: So your symptoms of electromagnetic hypersensitivity weren’t being felt in an instance where you and your brother were working together. Very interesting, Chuck . . . .

Jimmy: Yeah! Wait . . . catch me up, here. Why is that interesting?

Dr. Melford: Chuck, would you be comfortable with me bringing Jimmy up to speed about what we’ve been discovering?

Chuck: . . . . well, that’s why he’s here isn’t it? Go ahead.

Dr. Melford: Jimmy. After three sessions with your brother we have made remarkable strides in narrowing down the cause of your brothers alleged sensitivity to electricitty.

Jimmy: No shit! That’s great!

Dr. Melford: We have determined that, while the physical pain and fatigue Chuck feels is very real to him, it is not in fact caused by electricity. Do you know what “Psychogenic pain” is, Jimmy?

Jimmy: Can’t say that’s ever come up in one of my court cases, so . . no.

Dr. Melford: “Psychogenic pain” is physical pain that manifests due to purely psychological factors. It’s when you feel an emotion, usually a negative one, so strongly that it starts effecting your physical wellbeing. Many people who are not in tune with their own feelings start feeling this type of pain and blame it on an outside source, like water or direct sunlight . . or in your brother’s case, electricity. Then, when they cut off this alleged source of their pain, they feel better due to the placebo effect.

Jimmy: Yeah . . . yeah, that makes sense. That explains why you were able to step out of the house the other day, Chuck! That’s great! Okay, so . . . Chuck is feeling strongly about something? About what?

Dr. Melford: . . . . Chuck?

Chuck: . . . ugh . . . . just rip off the bandaid.

Dr. Melford: It’s best if he hears it from you. You can grab a space blanket if you need one.

Chuck pulls out a space blanket that he remembered to set on the nearby table this time. Jimmy looks on, perplexed and a little scared.

Chuck: Look, Jimmy, I . . . . . . . . I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but . . . . . I don’t think you’re fit to be a lawyer.

Jimmy: . . . Excuse me?

Chuck: Sigh , here we go . . . . I know you. You hop on every new opportunity to get ahead no matter who gets hurt. Then when you start brewing trouble you always find a way out. You’re Slippin’ Jimmy. The law is too sacred for . . for what you do.

Jimmy: . . . . Jesus . . . . Chuck, I . . . I don’t even know what to say to that. I thought you were proud of me.

Chuck: I was. When you straightened out and got a job in the mailroom I was very proud.

Jimmy: But that’s it for me? I’m good enough for the mailroom but not good enough for anything bigger than that?

Chuck: I’m sorry Jimmy. I went so long without telling you because I knew it would hurt your feelings, but . . . . I strongly believe this. This is why I’ve been in so much pain.

Jimmy: You said you were proud of me when I showed you my approval letter. You . . . . . . . . you told Howard to can me. It was you all along, wasn’t it Chuck?! You’re why I never got a lawyer job at HHM!! Christ, it all makes sense now! You piece of--

Dr. Melford: Jimmy. I’m sorry to interrupt, but this is meant to be a safe space. I was hoping the two of you could come to an understanding.

Jimmy: About what??? About how Chuck sabotaged me? About how all this time I was hating on Howard for nothing?? We’re brothers for God’s sake, Chuck! We’re supposed to look out for each other! I can’t believe you would do this!

Dr. Melford: Take a breathe, Jimmy. Let’s try and bring this down a bit. There’s a way for us to find common ground here. First, let’s back up. Chuck, is there a question you would like to ask Jimmy?

Chuck: sigh . . . . . . fine. Jimmy . . . why did you even want to be a lawyer?

Jimmy: . . . . I don’t know. I figured if Kim could do it, I could too . . . .

Chuck: That still doesn’t explain why you would even want to try. Why go through the night courses? Why try the bar multiple times?

Jimmy: . . . . I wanted you to be proud of me.

Chuck: . . . . . .

Jimmy: Jesus, Chuck, don’t you get it? I know I’ve been a big screw up. I know I let you down over and over and over. But I was really hoping things would be different this time. I thought if I got my law degree it would show you once and for all that I’m not “Slippin’ Jimmy” anymore.

Chuck: . . . . I see.

Jimmy: Sigh . . . . I can’t believe this. You never believed in me. What would it take, Chuck? What would I have to do to prove to you that I’m not the same guy?

Chuck: . . . . . .

Dr. Melford: If I may intervene for a moment. Chuck. Do you feel as though you must be the one responsible for punishing Jimmy for his past deeds?

Chuck: Somebody has to.

Jimmy: The hell is that supposed to mean?

Chuck: Jimmy. You’ve gotten off easy on everything you’ve ever done. How many scams have you gotten away with? How much money did you take from mom and dad without ever getting caught? If it weren’t for me you would have served a much worse sentence for defecating through that sunroof--

Jimmy: I’VE BEEN PAYING FOR THAT EVER SINCE!!!!

Dr. Melford: Jimmy. Breathe in. Breathe out. Let’s back it down for a second.

Jimmy: . . . I’ve been paying for that ever since. You think I wanted to come to Albuquerque with you? I hate it here. That mailroom and those night classes were more of a bitch than you’ll ever know, Chuck. And now it turns out it was all for nothing. I didn’t know I was going to be paying for that my whole life. I didn’t know it meant I don’t deserve anything better no matter what I do.

Chuck: What you got is better than what you deserve.

Jimmy: You’re the one who argued for me, remember? It’s our job to give defendants their due defense no matter what they did. I thought you were sticking up for me because you thought I deserved better too. Turns out you regret saving me. Great.

Chuck: What would you do in my shoes Jimmy? What if our roles were reversed? What if I was the delinquent and you were the successful one?

Jimmy: I sure as hell wouldn’t punish you for working your ass off for a law degree. I’d reward you for your efforts, Chuck, because that’s what you would deserve. You fucking asshole. I got my law degree fair and square. You had no right to deny me.

Chuck: I had every right. It’s my damn company, I can hire whoever I please. You aren’t owed nepotism, Jimmy.

Jimmy: Oh yeah, I forgot. I’m not a Hamlin.

Dr. Melford: Gentlemen . . . .please. Chuck . . . I think it would really benefit both you and Jimmy if you made your more nuanced feelings known.

Jimmy: What nuanced feelings? Do we have a secret third brother you backstabbed too? Wouldn’t put it passed you.

Chuck: . . . . It’s not fair.

Jimmy: Ohhh it’s not fair. You’re gonna talk about fair, now? After what you did? This ought to be good.

Chuck: You were always everyone’s favorite.

Jimmy: . . . I’m sorry, what?

Chuck: I told dad about all your pilfering of his business. Taking your hands out of the cash drawer. He never believed me. He went bankrupt because of you and you never paid for it.

Jimmy: He went bankrupt because he was giving handouts to every sob story in town--

Chuck: Always with the excuses. The point is you never got what you deserved for that. Because dad “just couldn’t see it”. Couldn’t be precious Jimmy . . . . Maybe you can charm everyone else to side with you no matter what you do, but I know better.

Jimmy: So dad never spanked me. Big whoop. Dad was a big softie and everyone in town knew it. It’s my fault how he responds to things?

Chuck: YOU STOLE $14,000 FROM HIM, JIMMY.

Jimmy: What? Where the hell did you get that number?

Chuck: I’m the one who handled Dad’s treasury, you asshat. That missing `14 grand had to go somewhere.

Jimmy: Chuck, I only ever stole 1s and 5s from the register a day. A 20 a day at most. It would take me like a decade to do a loss like that. You’re seriously blaming the entire loss on me??? You know dad was giving easy handouts. He was doing it way more than I ever stole. Fine, I admit I should have been punished for stealing from dad, but you’re exaggerating it.

Dr. Melford: We’re getting off the rails here. I’d like to put us back on track. Chuck, this new argument started because you said Jimmy was always everyone’s favorite. Could you elaborate further?

Jimmy: Yeah, Chuck. Elaborate.

Chuck: Sigh . . . . I suppose I’ve always been jealous of your way with people, Jimmy. Being able to get two different girls to come to Mom’s birthday . . . . you have a beautiful and intelligent girlfriend now in Kim. No matter how much you screwed up people would just gravitate to your side. Hell, you even made Rebecca laugh when I couldn’t. What makes it extra frustrating is that you always use this talent of yours to hurt people.

Jimmy: Wow . . . okay, yeah. Fine, Chuck. I’m a good talker. And not gonna lie, I’ve used it to get ahead sometimes. But that doesn’t mean I was everyone’s favorite. Hell, you’re the one mom and dad was always proud of. Chuck, the exceptional lawyer. Chuck, the self made man. Chuck, the builder of a legal empire.

Chuck: They never said those things. Not to me, anyway.

Jimmy: . . . . really? They didn’t?

Chuck: No. You’re all they would talk about . . . . right to the end.

Jimmy: Wait, wuh . . . .what’s that supposed to mean?

Chuck: When mom died . . and you were out of the room. Mom was calling for you. She called for you . . .and then she died.

Jimmy: Oh . . . . oh my god. You’re serious . . . .and you never told me?

Chuck: What would be the point? You’d just be more miserable that you weren’t there.

Jimmy: True. But knowing everything I know now, I bet that wasn’t on your mind, was it Chuck? You just didn’t want to admit that I’m the one she wanted to see

Chuck: Don’t. You. Dare.

Dr. Melford: Gentlemen. Please. Now I know a lot of negative emotions are going around right now

Jimmy: That’s putting it mildly--

Dr. Melford: But let’s not forget why we are here. We are here to help Chuck overcame his episodes of physical pain. So that he can reintegrate himself to society. You are the key to this, Jimmy. It’s why I wanted to meet you.

Jimmy: Well frankly, I’m not even sure I want to help Chuck anymore. Not like he ever wanted to help me.

Dr. Melford: Okay then. You are free to leave whenever you like.

Dead silence. Jimmy doesn’t move an inch.

Dr. Melford: You aren’t leaving. You want to help Chuck. Even after all of this, you still love him . . . .

Jimmy: . . . . .

Chuck: . . . . .

Dr. Melford: Chuck seems to believe that there has always been a rivalry between you two. A contest to see who is the superior McGill brother. Chuck feels as though you’ve been cheating at this competition because you cheat at everything. Chuck feels as though, despite everything, you are the one who makes everyone happy. The one place that Chuck feels he has always been your superior is in career advancement. Being the more successful McGill. Chuck seems very protective of his field. It seems to me that the real reason Chuck doesn’t want you to be a lawyer is because he feels as though that would be robbing him of the one thing to call his own. Do you feel this assessment to be true, Chuck?

Chuck: . . . . . . Yes. Yes, that’s what it is. I . . . . Jimmy, the law is my whole world. I take this more seriously than anything. You can’t . . . .you can’t take this from me.

Dr. Melford: Tell me Jimmy . . . . have you ever felt as though you were in competition with Chuck?

Jimmy: No. Of course not.

Dr. Melford: Interesting. Why not?

Jimmy: I mean . . . god, Chuck. It never mattered to me to be better than you. That’s not why I wanted to be a lawyer. I just wanted to be closer to you. We may be at odds, Chuck, but . . . . we’re the only McGill’s left. We’re all we got. I don’t wanna lose you too. I was so scared that if you thought I was still a screw up that I would.

Jimmy starts tearing up. He grabs a tissue.

Dr. Melford: Thank you for sharing, Jimmy. I know this session got heated but we have made an incredible breakthrough here today. I want to let you two know that, even though things have been contentious between you two, this isn’t how it has to be if neither of you want it. Just this week you were working together on a new case and you were both better for it. Jimmy was fulfilling his need to be with family and, Chuck . . . you were able to go outside without feeling a thing. Maybe Jimmy becoming a lawyer is a sign . . . that despite your differences, you brothers were always meant to be a team. I’m going to call it here, but Jimmy, I encourage you to come back to our sessions. And . . . maybe this week the two of you should spend some quality time together. Be more honest with each other. Make an effort to be more understanding of each other.

Chuck: Yes . . . .maybe.

Dr. Melford: In fact. Jimmy, will you help your brother overcome his pain and be able to live with electricity again?

Jimmy: . . . . Sure. I guess.

Dr. Melford: Chuck. Will you hold your little brother up? Express pride in him? Help him move up the ladder? Try to have his back more and see him for the man he has become?

Chuck: . . . . . . okay.

Dr. Melford: Excellent. I look forward to seeing you both next week.

Session #5:

Dr. Melford: Hello, Chuck! To you as well, Jimmy! How are the both of you?

Chuck: Sigh . . . . .

Jimmy: Hmm . . . . .

Dr. Melford: The two of you seem sad. Maybe we can explore that in today’s session. But first thing’s first. Chuck: Have you experienced any episodes of physical pain in the last week?

Chuck: No I have not.

Dr. Melford: Great! And what about interacting with electronics? Have the two of you been practicing that this week?

Jimmy: Yeah. We agreed that from now on whenever I come by I don’t have to leave my cell phone outside. Chuck doesn’t feel it when I’m around with it anymore.

Dr. Melford: That’s excellent! Slow but sure progress is progress nonetheless!

Jimmy: Yeah. Sorry we didn’t tell you that ahead of time by the way. We could have spared you the need to leave your phone in the car.

Dr. Melford: Oh, that’s quite alright. We can keep things as they are for today’s session. Chuck, would you be comfortable with me bringing my cell phone in our next few sessions?

Chuck: Yes . . . yes I think that would be acceptable.

Dr. Melford: Great! I’m very pleased that the two of you are putting what I have suggested into practice. We’re heading in the right direction!

Chuck: . . . . .

Jimmy: . . . . .

Dr. Melford: Right, well. Now that that’s out of the way, why don’t you gentlemen tell me what’s been bothering the both of you? Who would like to start?

Chuck: . . . . .

Jimmy: I mean . . . it’s kinda obvious, isn’t it? After how last session went?

Dr. Melford: Ah. The two of you are still upset about the things that have been said when we last spoke. Has that made the last week challenging?

Jimmy: Oh boy, has it. It’s hard to be around a brother that couldn’t care less about you.

Chuck: Jimmy, I . . . . I don’t know what to tell you. If I took pleasure in saying how I really felt I would have done it ages ago. I didn’t want to come down on you if it wasn’t necessary. I just want to have a normal life back . . .

Jimmy: It’s just . . . . . I don’t know if I can trust you anymore, Chuck. I feel like no matter what happens next I’m always going to wonder if you’re out to get me.

Chuck: So you don’t trust your brother. Maybe now you have some idea of how I feel.

Jimmy: Apples to Oranges. Yeah, I’ve done my share of hustling, Chuck. But here’s the difference: I was never out to get you. I wasn’t thinking about how much it will piss Chuck off every time I got an extra buck. Maybe you’re squeaky clean in the eyes of the law, Chuck, but when it comes down to it you set out to hurt me. To sabotage me.

Dr. Melford: Jimmy raises an interesting point.

Chuck: Here we go . . .

Dr. Melford: I am not taking sides, Chuck. I see and understand both of your points of view. But what Jimmy has brought up is that intent is important, and he’s right. Regardless of action, intent is the motive which can both enhance and cloud our judgment. For instance, Chuck, we’ve come to learn that your intent for keeping Jimmy out of your firm as a lawyer is not simply “the law is sacred”. It also has to deal with your perceived rivalry with him since your youth. You are being protective of what you feel is yours.

Chuck: And that makes me the real bad guy, is that it?

Dr. Melford: Far from it. Many people are intimately protective of that which they closely tie into their identity . . . their sense of self worth. Have you ever had an argument with somebody, and no matter how factual or logical your stance and how flimsy and in bad faith their stance is, you just can’t convince them?

Chuck: Yes, yes I have.

Jimmy: I mean we’re lawyers. That’s basically our day job.

Dr. Melford: *chuckles* Indeed. See, this happens due to what’s called “the backfire effect”. When an individual is presented with information that directly threatens a crucial aspect of their identity, like their religion or their political stance or their values . . . . it triggers the same part of the brain that physical pain triggers. The mind rejects it, because it threatens a major building block of who you are. Chuck is protective of the law because he feels as though if anything were to put those values to question, then what he has invested into it would be for nothing. It’s a very valid thing to feel, Chuck.

Chuck: . . .well, thank you.

Jimmy: So, what? Me being a lawyer conflicts with Chuck’s sense of self? Because I’m ‘Slippin Jimmy’?

Dr. Melford: Not because you’re ‘Slippin Jimmy’. It’s because you’re Jimmy. It’s being perceived as you invading the one territory that Chuck calls his own, and in the process making light of the values that Chuck holds so dear to his heart.

Jimmy: Jesus. Talk about petty.

Dr. Melford: Perhaps Chuck would be more at ease with the idea of you being a lawyer if he knew what it meant to you. So tell me, Jimmy: What does the law mean to you?

Jimmy: . . . . . let me think . . . . .

Dr. Melford: Of course

The three of them sit their in silence as Jimmy formulates his answer.

Jimmy: Justice . . . . means . . . . .redemption

Dr. Melford: Very interesting. Could you elaborate on that?

Jimmy: I mean . . . . I already told you that I did this because I thought it would prove I’m not ‘Slippin’ Jimmy’ anymore. Studying the law meant turning a new leaf for me: proving I could be on the law’s side instead of against it.

Dr. Melford: I see. May I ask, Jimmy, what is your favorite part of being a lawyer?

Jimmy: Honestly? Helping the little guy. I mean, no offense, Chuck, but in my experience the big businesses HHM usually represents are kinda stuck up and pretentious for my taste. I like helping people who don’t have many folks in their corner.

Dr. Melford: You like believing in people despite what everyone else might say about them. I like that. What about you, Chuck? What does the law mean to you?

Chuck: . . . the law means people get what they deserve. That there are consequences for ill and that bullies can’t just do whatever they want.

Dr. Melford: Okay. And what is YOUR favorite part of being a lawyer?

Chuck: Representing my client. Proving that tact, integrity and knowledge are true power. Not muscle, money or . . . . .or sleaziness.

Jimmy: Wow. Subtle.

Dr. Melford: You know what this tells me? This tells me that the two of you have more in common than you think. You both want right to prevail and you both want those who do harm to be humbled. You may have slightly different approaches, but ultimately you want the same thing.

Chuck: Is that right?

Dr. Melford: I think so. What have we been discussing before, Chuck? That justice isn’t solely about punishment. It’s also about redemption. The belief that once someone has paid their debt to society they can come back and start fresh.

Chuck: Well, as I’ve said before, Jimmy has gotten off easy--

Dr. Melford: I’m sorry, Chuck, but I wasn’t finished. Justice is also about giving those who have done wrong due representation. Doing the right thing is more nuanced than finding out if somebody is guilty. One must also look at their circumstances. Where did they grow up? What is the state of their mental health? Did they do what they did out of desperation? One cannot properly judge someone for their crimes without seeing the whole picture.

Chuck: . . . .No . . .no I suppose not.

Dr. Melford: Which raises an interesting question. Jimmy: you have gained a reputation for conning people out of their money and getting away with it using your charisma. Is there anything that informs this? What inspired you to start taking?

Jimmy: . . . . . when I was a kid, in Cicero, dad was always making handouts right out of his cash drawer to any chump with a sob story. “Ooh, my car broke down! Ooh, I can’t pay rent this month. Ooh, I have to feed my starving children”. Dad would never accept that he was being played for a sucker. But I knew better. One day, when I was watching till, I was watching a guy who had just scammed my dad try and buy something. I let him know that I saw right through his bullshit. Then he looked me in the eye and said “There are wolves and sheep in this world, kid. You figure out which one you’re gonna be”. And then he left.

Dr. Melford: “Wolves and sheep” . . . .how interesting. This must have left quite an impression on you.

Jimmy: Hell yeah it did. From then on, I decided I wasn’t going to be pushed around by bullies who never cared about the rules. The winner takes it all, and if the only way to win is to cheat then so be it. That’s when I started taking money out of the cash drawer.

Dr. Melford: Chuck, what are your thoughts on this?

Chuck: Well . . . . it certainly explains a lot.

Dr. Melford: Y’know, Jimmy, many people in the world feel the same way you do. I’ve had many patients with criminal records in my career: usually small things like petty theft and property damage. A recurring trope among people like this is that they feel as though they were unfairly thrust into their circumstances. Either the world treated them like delinquents before they could prove otherwise or they were punished for doing things by the books for so long. They felt as though they were conditioned into being how they are.

Chuck: Ha.

Dr. Melford: Is there something you would like to say, Chuck?

Chuck: If you ask me, people like that are just making excuses for themselves. “It’s not my fault: It’s how I was raised. I am what I am!” Please. Just because everyone thinks of them a certain way doesn’t mean they have to confirm all those things by playing the role. They have a choice.

Dr. Melford: Well that’s a very interesting point, Chuck, especially coming from you. If I recall, you told me a few sessions ago that “people don’t change”. Your whole stance against Jimmy is built on the belief that Jimmy couldn’t truly redeem himself even if he wanted to, yet here you are insisting that people have a choice to go against their conditioning. Which one is it, Chuck? Do we have a choice or no?

Chuck: . . . . . .

Jimmy: I’m starting to really like you, Doc.

Dr. Melford: For the record, I agree with what you said before, Chuck. We all have a choice to be different. We can start being different any time we want. Sure, it may take a lot of effort. Old habits die hard. But we can still choose to try. That is precisely the choice that Jimmy has made. That’s why he became a lawyer. And yet . . . he was punished by you for making that choice. Has it occurred to you that perhaps you play a role in Jimmy’s inability to change? That by holding him back professionally you are validating his belief that those who play by the rules don’t get ahead?

Chuck: . . . I never thought of it that way before.

Jimmy: Neither did I. Y’know, Chuck, maybe . . . . . maybe we’re both responsible for what we don’t like about each other. You’re only holding me back because my antics made you feel like you had to and I only go through my antics because i’m punished for trying to be good by people like you. The chicken or the egg, am I right?

Dr. Melford: Excellent observation, Jimmy! I think you’re right. I think you both play a part that is perpetuating this cycle and making you ill towards each other. But you both have a choice. You can break this cycle together. After all, the two of you make such a great team.

Chuck: We do?

Jimmy: We do?

Dr. Melford: Of course! I brought this up last week too. You two are working together on this new case and it sounds like it could be something big!! I only wish I could know more about it but I understand that’s on a need-to-know basis.

Chuck: Well . . . I suppose it wouldn’t hurt if you knew a few things.

Jimmy: Like what?

Chuck: In order to obtain some evidence of wrongdoing, Jimmy had to go dumpster diving.

Dr. Melford: You’re joking.

Chuck: I’m not. Jimmy discovered that our opponents were shredding documents to cover their tracks. They would bury those shreds in garbage bags and put them all in the dumpster outside. Jimmy found all the garbage bags he needed and took them home, trying for hours through the night to reassemble them.

Dr. Melford: Did it work?

Jimmy: Naw . . . I fell asleep in the middle. I was too exhausted. I’m excellent at tearing shit down, not so much at putting it back together. But Chuck . . .this mad man took over for me and reassembled every single document. It was amazing.

Dr. Melford: *smiles widely* . . . this is exactly what I’m talking about. You two are an unstoppable force of good when you work together. Chuck is the meticulous and precise law man and Jimmy is the one who isn’t afraid of getting his hands dirty. This could never have happened if you two didn’t have each other. Don’t you understand? You McGill brothers are a dream team! And look at what just happened! You two just paid compliments to each other!

Jimmy: . . . . Yeah. Yeah, I guess you have a point, Doc.

Chuck: I agree.

Dr. Melford: Let’s call this session here. If there’s anything else about this case the two of you are building together, I would LOVE to hear more about it. As usual, Chuck, make record of whether you have any episodes of pain and I encourage you to try and interact with electronics more. I’ll see the two of you next week!

Session #6:

Dr. Melford: Hello, Chuck and Jimmy! Nice to see the two of you again.

Jimmy: Yeah. Hi, Doc.

Chuck: Hello, Dr. Melford.

Dr. Melford: I didn’t leave my cell phone outside this time, Chuck. Hope that’s okay.

Chuck: It’s quite alright. I’m getting much better at being near electricity.

Dr. Melford: I’m glad to hear it, Chuck! I’d like to know more about that. Have you been interacting with any electronics in the last week?

Chuck: Yes. Well, sort of . . . . Jimmy and I have been going for some walks.

Dr. Melford: Have you now?? That’s excellent.

Jimmy: Yeah! Since Chuck has become something of a homebody he doesn’t get out much. We know you’ve been telling us to spend more time together and that he should interact with electronics more, so we figured . . . two birds with one stone right? We can hang out while being closer to electricity outdoors.

Dr. Melford: That’s a fabulous idea. How long are your walks together typically?

Chuck: Maybe . . .. .15, 20 minutes?

Dr. Melford: Good! And how often did the two of you take walks in the last week?

Chuck: Every couple of days.

Dr. Melford: And have you felt any pain on these walks, Chuck?

Chuck: Well . . . . perhaps a little. Old habits die hard, I suppose. But I’ve never needed a space blanket to help cope.

Dr. Melford: This is excellent, Chuck. It’s very healthy to get some fresh air and I’m glad our therapy sessions are helping you build the confidence to go get it!

Jimmy: Yeah! And Chuck didn’t even tell you the best part. We’re going to Chuck’s firm, HHM, in person tomorrow to reach out to them and ask them to help us on the class action lawsuit we’ve been building together.

Dr. Melford: Really? It’s become that big?

Jimmy: Oh boy, yeah. You should have seen us in our last meeting, Doc. We were swatting away bad faith arguments from our opposition like Babe Ruth on steroids. And Chuck, this son of a bitch tells them we’re only gonna settle if they pay up in the millions. Shrewd bastard he is.

Dr. Melford: See? The two of you are making an excellent team!

Chuck: Yes, well . . . . be that as it may, this case has evolved far past a 2 man job. It took some convincing, but Jimmy and I have agreed that referring out to HHM is our best move. We need their capital in order to tackle this.

Jimmy: It’s not too bad, though. I’m finally gonna get a fancy office. Probably somewhere next to Chuck’s.

Chuck: . . . . . . . .

Dr. Melford: Chuck? Is there something you would like to say?

Jimmy: What? . . . . No. God dammit, Chuck, you cannot be serious--

Dr. Melford: Jimmy. Let’s just hear Chuck out for a second, okay?

Chuck: . . . . . . Jimmy . . . . . . You’ve done an excellent job on this case. You caught on to a major trend and have put in more than enough leg work getting this off the ground. That said, I feel like there are still some things you are keeping from me. So I’ll make you a deal. If you want to become a lawyer at HHM and work on this case with us, you can do that. I’ll have you at our side every step of the way. On one condition . . . . you tell me about everything you’ve been doing up to this point.

Jimmy: What? What are you talking about?

Chuck: The hospital bills for the broken legs. The billboard stunt. I want the truth about all of it. Now. I won’t bring what you tell me to the authorities and I won’t use it as grounds to sabotage you anymore. But I need to know I can trust you to be transparent with me.

Jimmy: . . .God, this . . . .this is bullshit. I mean . . . what makes you think you can negotiate with me, Chuck? This is MY case. I have all the cards here. When somebody brings a case to you like this you BEG THEM TO BE PARTNER.

Dr. Melford: Now, Jimmy . . . I think Chuck has a point.

Jimmy: What??

Dr. Melford: It’s clear that the relationship between you brothers is due to a lack of trust. Chuck has had issues in the past trusting that you will keep your nose clean and you’ve had issues trusting Chuck to have your back. Rebuilding a relationship requires compromise from both parties, and if the two of you want to reconcile you should ensure that you can trust each other again. It starts with honesty. Chuck has put a lot into rebuilding trust with you from his end by opening up about his feelings. Now it’s your turn.

Jimmy: . . . . . you promise that if I tell you everything, I can work at HHM on this Chuck? You won’t stand in my way again?

Chuck: You have my word.

Pregnant pause. Jimmy is thinking it over. Suddenly, he reaches into his pocket for his wallet and pulls out a dollar. He holds it out to Chuck.

Jimmy: Take the dollar, Chuck.

Chuck: What?

Jimmy: If you take the dollar, you’re suddenly my attorney. What’s said between us is privileged. I’m not sure I can trust you to not rat me out otherwise.

Chuck: This is ridiculous . . .

Jimmy: Do it or I burn the case to the ground, Chuck. After all you’ve done to sabotage my career, I don’t know if I can trust you. But what I do know is that you take being a lawyer more seriously than anything. If you take this deal, you’ll HAVE to abide by it. Then and only then will I tell you everything.

Chuck: . . . . . fine.

Chuck begrudgingly takes the dollar.

Jimmy: Sigh . . . . So the billboard. I was pretty upset when you told me I couldn’t use my own name for my legal practices, Chuck. It’s not fair. I don’t have much going as is, I at the very least deserve to use my own name.

Chuck: That wasn’t anything against you, Jimmy. It’s just professional courtesy--

Jimmy: There’s professional courtesy and then there is just plain old courtesy, Chuck. Seriously, in what way does me using my own name effect HHM’s bottom line?

Dr. Melford: We’re getting sidetracked, Jimmy. The billboard?

Jimmy: Right . . . . business has been real slow for me and the thing about me not being able to use my own name broke the camel’s back. So I decided to get ahead the only way I know how. I put up a big billboard and went out of my way to copy HHM’s marketing. The font, the color palette . . . . I even dressed exactly like Howard for my photo. Pinstripe navy blue suit and all.

Dr. Melford: *chuckles* . . . . I’m sorry. Continue.

Jimmy: It IS funny, isn’t it? Anyway . . . Howard took the bait. I knew he was gonna put in a cease and desist. After he did, I started calling all the news networks I could, trying to get somebody to cover the story. I was gonna make it all about how a small business is being bullied by a big corporation. A classic “David and Goliath” story.

Chuck: Unbelievable . . .

Jimmy: That’s exactly what it is, Chuck. It’s your big firm trying to take away the little I have left. Anyway . . . I got some kids to film a piece for me in front of the billboard. Then a worker falls off the billboard and is hanging by his harness off the rails. So I climb up to save his life before It’s too late.

Chuck: While the camera is rolling . . . of course. You paid that worker to take the fall, didn’t you?

Jimmy: Fine. Yes. Okay? I did that. I was desperate, Chuck! Down to my last dollar. I had to get my name out there, and . . . business started BOOMING after that stunt.

Chuck: See, that’s your problem, Jimmy. Thinking the ends justify the means. You manipulated Howard. You manipulated a LOT of people.

Jimmy: It’s a victimless crime, Chuck. What hair is it off of Howard’s head if I suddenly get some good publicity? None of that would have happened if he had just let me keep me damn name!

Chuck: So as usual it’s somebody else’s fault.

Dr. Melford: Gentlemen? Please. I think both of you have very valid points. Yes, Jimmy used a very sneaky tactic for his own ends, but he felt like he was put in a box. This conditioning where he feels like he can’t get ahead the legal way is precisely what is compelling him to cheat. This is what we’ve been talking about this whole time. How can he be expected to play the game fair and square when he’s always punished for it?

Jimmy: See? Thank you.

Chuck: Sigh . . . . . and the hospital bills? What about those?

Jimmy: . . . . . .

Chuck: Jimmy, you already gave me the dollar, remember? A deal’s a deal. I’m prepared to hold up my end of the bargain. Now you need to fulfill yours.

Jimmy: Fine. This also happened because I was desperate for business. There was this couple who I was really trying to get to be my clients because it would have been a decent break for me. I was THIS close to getting them to sign with me . . . . but then they got cold feet. So I was concocting a LEGAL plan to get them to warm up to me . . . when suddenly I hit an incoming skateboarder.

Dr. Melford: Oh my God . . .

Jimmy: It’s not as bad as you think. They were running a little scam of their own. They were taking dives in front of slow moving vehicles to guilt people into coughing up some dough so that they’ll keep their mouths shut about it. I immediately called them out on it, because I mean . . .never scam a scammer, right? They ran off, but eventually I found them again . . . and I asked them if they’d like a job.

Chuck: Here we go . . .

Jimmy: I told them to pull that stunt of theirs on the couple I wanted to be my client. That way I just happen to swoop in, make the problem go “poof” for the couple and they get so impressed that I get their business! In exchange, I give the skaters a small cut of my profits.

Dr. Melford: Okay. And when they pulled this stunt on this couple they REALLY broke their legs in the process, is that it?

Jimmy: . . . Yeah. Yeah that’s exactly it.

Chuck: Jimmy . . . I know that’s not the end of the story. You may be a damn good liar, but I know your tells. What actually happened.

Jimmy: . . . God dammit. Fine. See, they ended up pulling this stunt on somebody else who just so happened to have the exact same car model and color as the couple. This driver ended up bailing before they could convince her to do anything . . . . so they trailed her. They tried pressuring her to cough up some cash, threatening to sue her for a hit-and-run. I wasn’t too far behind them. What neither of us knew was that we were about to walk into the house . . . . of a cartel gangster.

Chuck: Jesus Christ . . .

Dr. Melford: You’re serious . . .

Jimmy: God, I wish I was making this up. The driver that we were tailing turned out to be this gangster guy’s Abuelita. The skater guys, they start blabbing. Telling this gangster guy that scamming his Abuelita was all MY idea.

Chuck and Dr. Melford start going wide eyed

Jimmy: . . . . Gangster guy takes us out to the desert. He starts accusing me of being an undercover cop who’s investigating them. I try to tell him over and over what the truth is, but he wouldn’t buy it. He had clippers on my fingers

Dr. Melford: Oh my God . . . .

Jimmy: So I told him what we wanted to hear. I told him I was with the FBI. Then this gangster guy’s friend comes over and starts interrogating me. I tell him the truth and he actually listens. He tells gangster guy to cut me loose.

Dr. Melford: And what about the skaters?

Jimmy: . . . . . Gangster guy was going to kill them. But I stepped in and convinced him not to.

Dr. Melford: You . . . . . . convinced him not to kill the skaters?

Chuck: How the hell did you do that???

Jimmy: I’m a much better lawyer than you give me credit for, Chuck. You’ve never had to pander to a judge as insane as mine that day. I ended up convincing him that they don’t deserve to die and to . . . .I’m gonna say “mitigate their sentence”. We agreed that all they deserve is a broken leg each. So he broke their legs. I called an ambulance, wheeled them to the hospital and paid each of their bills.

Dr. Melford: Jesus . . . I don’t even know where to begin with that.

Chuck is stunned into silence. He starts crying.

Jimmy: Chuck?

Chuck: For God’s sake, Jimmy. I thought that was just gonna be another petty scam that blew up in your face. You were almost murdered that day and didn’t tell me? You were tortured for information and didn’t tell me????

Jimmy: I just didn’t want you to worry, Chuck. I didn’t want you to think I was backsliding into Slippin’ Jimmy . . .

Chuck: FORGET SLIPPIN’ JIMMY. YOU ALMOST DIED.

Both brothers start crying.

Dr. Melford: Jimmy . . .what you experienced is extremely traumatic. I recommend you start consulting a therapist for your own sessions. I can refer you if you’d like.

Jimmy: Jesus, I . . . I don’t know. For some reason it never quite hit me how fucked up that all was.

Dr. Melford: Sometimes it takes a while for the true extent of the trauma to kick in.

Jimmy: Chuck, I . . . I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you. I just didn’t want you to think less of me.

Chuck: Well . . . . for what it’s worth I’m very impressed with you, Jimmy.

Jimmy: . . . you are . . .?

Chuck: Yes. Those skateboarders are alive because of you. I mean sure, they wouldn’t have been there in the first place if not for your proposal, but . . . you didn’t have to go back for them. Nobody would have blamed you for getting out out of fear for your own life. But you saved them. You’re a hero.

Jimmy: Wow . . . . I never expected you to say that . . . .

Dr. Melford: This is an interesting response, Chuck. You found a positive in a horrific story about your brother.

Chuck: Jimmy . . . . . I don’t want you to feel like you can’t come to me about stuff like this. Sure, we’ve had our differences, but . . . I’d never wish anything like that on you. I still love you . . .

Jimmy: . . . . God, I . . . . . I didn’t know how badly I needed to hear that until just now.

Dr. Melford: Wiping away a tear This is beautiful. See? Reconciliation becomes possible when you open up. When you know each other’s true intentions. Chuck is in your corner more than things have seemed, Jimmy.

Jimmy: Yeah, i guess so. So . . . . . does this mean we can work together, Chuck? At HHM?

Chuck: . . . . a deal’s a deal, Jimmy. Let’s go to the meeting tomorrow and let’s get you partnered on this.

Jimmy: YES!! AWESOME!!! Thanks Chuck!

Jimmy goes in for a hug with Chuck

Chuck: Okay. . . Okay, Jimmy. So we’re working together on this. But I want you to promise me one thing, okay? I mean this brother to brother.

Jimmy: Name it, Chuck.

Chuck: This “Slippin’ Jimmy” stuff is over. For good this time. No more scams. No more swindling. No more hustling. It isn’t just about who you hurt, Jimmy. It’s for your own safety. We can’t have a call that close ever again.

Jimmy: You got it, Chuck. This time, “Slippin’ Jimmy” stays dead. I don’t think I’ll ever need him again now that I know you’re on my side.

Dr. Melford: That’s wonderful, Jimmy. I’m so happy you two have made such strides in repairing your relationship. Why don’t we pick this back up next week? I’d love to hear all about how the meeting tomorrow goes if I could. And Chuck, I encourage you to continue building your tolerance to electricity. See you next week!

To be Concluded

#better call saul #fanfiction #saul goodman

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anthonybialy · 2 months

Text

Tre White Transaction Academy Not As Fun

Buffalo fans have been sad about something other than games. For a change of pace, the last few days have been spent watching the Tre White Goalie Academy ad and crying like it’s the start of Up. The Bills made rational moves factoring salary and injury history that hurt our dear feelings. Altering the roster embodies the tough human challenges of an employment decision by a city’s sports team.

All-time puck-stopper White leaves Buffalo never having seen a pro hockey game. He could finally have a chance by signing somewhere that doesn’t host the Sabres. Either way, he’ll remain as professional as he is charming.

The cornerback you most wish was your friend has had a Robert James-style career where he’s trying to keep pace with injuries. A star’s tremendous play hasn’t been seen frequently lately on account of a career shortened by devastating injuries.

The secondary is now truly depleted. Jordan Poyer came along at just the right time. That may not have been a coincidence. Correlation may not equal causation, but it may, too. A huge part of the defensive turnaround didn’t just happen to arrive when Poyer turned tackling into more than a dream.

Some wishes won’t be granted. For one, I will never find out why his girlfriend blocked me on Twitter even though I agree with her about the absurd infringements capriciously ordered by a government that risibly claimed to be acting in everyone’s health. Like how Jerry never learned why his girlfriend refused to eat the pie, some mysteries will remain unsolved.

The oddity of excessively extensive work deals is a little easier to address. Last year’s two-year deal was twice as long as it should have been, but it can be tough to work comfortably if you know you’re getting canned at year’s end. It’s better to at least maintain hope. On that subject, I’m optimistic his decline will accelerate now that he’s joined the Dolphins. Embrace a chance for perfect timing.

The longtime center happened to be snapping just after Josh Allen was bitten by a radioactive spider. Mitch Morse also uncannily appeared as the offense changed from a corporate write-off to a juggernaut that can only be stopped by their own coach. The center of thoughtful play and answers brought stability from play’s start and past its finish.

Which player do you miss the most? Conducting a forlorn debate may help cope. Not getting the premier cornerback back was the saddest roster move. An irrepressible person’s play was just the start. Lamentably, we’ve recently only gotten to enjoy his personality. White has only played 21 games over the last three seasons with a recuperation that may keep him out of some during a fourth.

Bills fans were more shocked by Morse’s LinkedIn browsing. But a franchise that’s overpaying its roster by rule couldn’t justify keeping an offensive lineman who’s about to turn 32 with a concussion history. Morse is someone you can thank for his contributions as he’s getting canned and not be lying. Personally, I’m always proud to have introduced him.

By contrast, there’s the Sabres. The sentence applies to so many things. This month, it applies to the trade deadline and a technical captain. Kyle Okposo didn’t play well, but at least he didn’t lead well. He guided the Sabres through the drought. Also, “through” means “ deeper into”.

Florida gets the cursed Brady Bunch Kyle tiki while Okposo’s erstwhile employer should be glad for the marginal defenseman and draft choice received in return. A plagued fanbase is long since tired of hoping traded Sabres go on to find success with other clubs. The pathetic notion is particularly noxious for one player who didn’t earn the chance.

Constant fear that a chronic underachiever will drag down a team is thankfully not our problem anymore. The energy’s already changed for the better just by ostensible subtraction. You may have noticed the first two Sabres games without him featured both a win and ensuing salute to fans, which were two infrequent occurrences during his unproductive tenure.

The traded captain looking around trying to figure out who caused semipermanent playoff misses like Hot Dog Guy. Both like and unlike how Poyer showed up as the pass defense became respectable, Okposo was a Sabre for a huge percentage of the exile. The guy who reeks of gasoline vows to help you find the arsonist. They couldn’t win because a team where he was supposed to be a huge contributor underperformed by sheer coincidence.

The fact Okposo didn’t sign the worst contract in franchise is condemnation of the Sabres, not praise of him. We call that the Leino Precedent. Being finally free of his paralyzing deal only to bring him back in was a decision that can’t be blamed on unawareness of potential outcomes. The Sabres would bring Moses to the Promised Land multiple times without letting him in.

The Sabres got something back for one last turnover for Casey Mittelstadt. An eighth overall choice scoring a little more than half a point per game is the sort of uninspiring production that keeps a team drafting similarly highly. Bowen Byram is playing well because he hasn’t been tainted yet.

Wags note the Sabres should’ve traded the coach, general manager, and owner. Make the front office abide by Twitter polls. They can’t deal for a cultural turnover. Nobody trusts those responsible for changing employees.

The play’s the thing, according to Sabres fan Hamlet. The prototypical tragedy where everyone dies is far less melodramatic than the drought. I’m sorry for the spoilers, although we sadly know what’s next with this club. The titular character is more indecisive than Kevyn Adams.

Vague platitudes about change’s inevitability offer little preparation for specific moves. Buffalo features one team that could stand to start over while another tries to slightly improve efficiency despite losing crew members. The individuals we miss overshadow the play even if that’s how we got to know them.

#Buffalo Bills #Buffalo Sabres #trade deadline #Buffalo #Tre White #transactions #NFL #NHL #football #hockey

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