#(edit: also stuck a read more on there because i didn't realize. just how. fucking long this is rip X_X)

[hirazuki]

Clematis or marjoram for Melkor?

Thanks!

Clematis | Mental Beauty | Your mind vs. my mind

•────────────────────⋅☾ ☽⋅────────────────────•

He descends the stairs to the lowest level; the long hall at the bottom takes him lower still, past the smithies and furnaces, the vast storerooms and the deeper mines and the opening to the caverns below the mountains, where molten rock sits spewing fire up at the shielded sky.

The light underground is warm, here, in Angband -- candles and torches and liquid flame; a merry union with the air that lives inside the fortress. It is a far cry from the cold cradle of Utumno, subterranean dark swathed in blue-green lucency, the seat from where poison and peril once flowed out to stain all the land, and fear walked abroad in his name.

It sickens him.

It is not Utumno the Deep-hidden (and fear no longer leaves his side), and in the moments where spite threatens to soak his thought and touch wholly, as a corpse-sack laden with gathered blood, he craves to strangle it: choke it all out until everyone is suffocating from ash and from ice, as though that would recall old power; as though it would bring back a time when the pain was a sleepless, aching thing in his mind and soul only. Now, it is in his skin and in his bones, tightly sewn into this charred flesh he cannot shed, which, to all of Angband, he pretends does not bother him.

He walks, and his steps fall with less thunder and more substance together than they once did -- as they do yet with each passing day -- and he pretends that this does not bother him either.

Melkor slows, feet edging the doorway to his destination: a yawning room, empty save for the single lantern burning low on the floor, the shadows it casts, and the elf in chains, shackled to a wall.

Maedhros -- Maitimo; Nelyafinwë -- the first son of Fëanor and newly vested High King of the Noldor. The commanding piece on the battlefield against his own.

Anger blazes anew in Melkor, as fresh as the blood that blackens his ever-blackened hand from where he had stuck it through an orc, mere moments ago. The creature had fallen to the ground in a clatter of iron and ivory, to join the already-rotting answer to his missive.

So, the elf is not to be bartered. Nor sapped for information: he knows nothing of import; Melkor has already wrung him dry. 

What, then, is to be done with him?

Melkor longs for the release, however temporary it will prove, that he knows violence will bring; to rework flesh and mind and spirit until they are recognizable only with mounting horror as a guide, fragmented visions in broken glass.

And it has always served well, as example and as warning.

However... there is something to be said about a much different kind of blow dealt to his enemies, the damage wrought by murmurs and mistrust, were their king to return to them one day, visibly -- inexplicably -- untouched, where all others have come back disfigured.

Mairon had advised the latter, before leaving -- dutifully, reluctantly -- on his orders to scout the new elven camps with his wolves, tongue tinged with something that on anyone else would have been nothing short of insolence and insubordination.

Mairon is right, of course.

How very like his own self of older days his lieutenant has become, all fluid grace and pretty words (though with an orderliness, a precision, a lack of waste, that he himself, naturally, has never possessed), while he --

Melkor clenches his jaw, and tastes metal in his mouth.

He knows what is happening to him.

Do they think he does not? Do they think he cannot see? His moods, fey and mutable always, yes, but in both directions, now grow ever more dire with no recovery. Irascible. Implacable. Insatiable. He sees it, knows it, fears it, with the bloodless terror of clinging webs and unlight, the daily dread of recognizing a dozen glinting eyes and undying hunger across a mirror, and yet is powerless to stop it.

He desires the light as he hates it, needs it as he cannot abide it, and now that he possesses it, finally, and in a manner that he can keep it all to himself, he cannot possibly cast it aside, no matter that it is the source of his decline.

They would like the jewels gone; the orcs and the balrogs, the werewolves and trolls and vampires, the elves in his service; all his servants; Mairon, most of all -- and this he knows, too.

They shield their eyes with downturned faces before him and disguise it as reverence, scuttle down dark passageways like rodents before a flood, resentful of the violation he has brought to the underbelly of Arda -- nay, to its very womb -- and the war that it has spurred to these shores.

There is no question that the assault the caged treelight wages on their senses is unbearable.

The assault it wages on his own is tenfold thus.

The glare blinds him, everything bleeding in a white haze of indistinct shapes, and the weight bows down his head, until the very idea of rest is but a distant dream of shadows among pitiless light; a memory of breath above water, above crushing rock.

To bear the Silmarils is excruciating. How to let them go, when to bear their loss would be even more so?

How to see them fall back into elven hands?

Melkor has always begrudged the elves their existence, but his hatred of them was not always such. He had entertained himself with them, in the beginning, when all they had known was stars and dark, slumbering woods and the shadow-shapes that walked in the hills. But the war that led to his wreck and ruin was made for their sake, and this he will never forgive. After Angainor, after three ages in Mandos, after Fëanor and the accursed creations of his hands -- he has nothing but hatred left.

This one, though, he thinks, regarding red waves spilling over bare skin like open wounds, glistening dark in the candlelight, this one is different.

Mairon has the right of it -- this one, Fëanor's eldest that burns with the same fire as his sire, yet more tempered and therefore more dangerous, is of rare value, despite his apparent worthlessness as leverage. He may benefit greatly from a different touch than the heavy hand of slag and slaughter that has become Melkor's fare.

Surely, he remembers how; he's not so far gone as that.

He may not be able to discard this body anymore, but he can still craft illusion -- and so he wraps an image around himself that hearkens back to shapes of old, larger but not too large, imposing yet sinuous, like black smoke coiling in the air, hair dancing around his head in tendrils with the languor of oil in water. He keeps his face constant, eyes glowing like the ice of the northern wastes, but little else: hands and limbs, all materialize and dissipate in dark mists as he pleases, as needed to caress, to cajole, to taunt.

Melkor is not certain what he is aiming to achieve with this, how this will aid in his deciding the fate of Fëanor's son; but, then again, there never has been much purpose beyond impulse. It is his nature, after all, and he merely follows it.

He allows himself a prick or two; a scratch, here and there, carved so shallow that not even his lieutenant can complain.

There is no response to his attentions.

It is only a matter of time before he teases the elf with those much-sought after jewels that live upon his head, the first time since donning his crown that he has removed it, in an effort to provoke a reaction -- any reaction, to break that stony composure that has quickly turned from amusing to aggravating until it crumbles like dry clay beneath his gaze -- and he presses them against his face, in the space between eyes and jaw.

Maedhros screams.

He recoils as he is burned, viciously cracking his shoulder on the wall behind him, and the acrid stench of seared flesh fills the air: it is a scent Melkor knows well.

They stand there in stillness, elf and Vala, one heaving with enough force to empty out his innards, the other regarding the iron in his hand, both silent; both surprised.

It is Melkor who recovers first -- and he laughs.

"Oh, this is precious," he finally breathes, returning the crown to his head and shedding his guise in his elation.

Maedhros is hissing and swiping -- like a cub, belonging to one of those long-fanged beasts of horn and plated bone that he had fashioned in the dark beyond the Lamps, that has been deprived of its morsel -- and saying something, but Melkor is no longer listening.

He runs his hand through hair red like blood, tangling his fingers in the strands, claws grazing skin gently, the urge to harm sated -- briefly; a mere flake of snow before open flame; never fully -- by this new knowledge. For no thing he can visit upon the spawn of Fëanor could ever surpass this.

It has been a terrible game, this affair of theirs, he thinks -- Fëanor's mind against his own -- absentmindedly continuing to stroke the elf's head, as though it is one of Angband's cats that he is soothing through a restless night.

But, however this ends -- whatever becomes of him; no matter if they throw down his towers, wrench the wretched West from its dim horizon to these far shores and hew his feet from under him -- he is secure in the certainty of one single thing:

His mind has already won.

• ────────────────────────────────────────── •

Anon, I hope you like this!!! Thanks so much for sending this in and giving me a chance to show my actual serious take on canon-verse Melkor instead of the humorous comic version I keep throwing at all of you ♡

#melkor #morgoth #maedhros #silmarillion #tolkien #silm #my writing #hira writes tolkien #cw: torture #i guess? i should probably tag? i can never tell how much requires a tag #but this is like. a whiff of torture. Torture Lite™ #i'm SO SORRY this took so long!!! Melkor was *N O T* cooperating.T_T #this was supposed to be like. only a couple of paragraphs. but he just wouldn't shut up about how sad he is. #he really wanted to let everyone know how incredibly sad he is. #(edit: also stuck a read more on there because i didn't realize. just how. fucking long this is rip X_X)

[alovesreading]

Constant Repeat | Part 10

Summary: Having worked at Focus Creeps for a year, Ella knows that as a production assistant and part of the crew, there’s one important rule: don’t interact with the talent unless it’s needed. But once she meets Arctic Monkeys, and the recording of the music videos for their upcoming fourth studio album starts, the band seem to become her exception. Not only because they treat her more like a friend than just someone else they’re working with but when Alex continuously makes her blush with his flirting, so enthralled by her that he forgets he’s got a girlfriend, Ella finds herself growing closer to him. As videos are filmed, wrapped and edited, the friendship lines become blurry. Situations unfold, secrets are told and others are kept under lock and key, but how long can Alex and Ella endure being stuck in each other’s minds on constant repeat.  

Word Count: 27.4k

Story Warnings: Throughout this series there will be suggestive talk, jealousy, cheating, alcohol and drug use, angst, smut.

A/N: Okay, you better buckle up because I'm telling you this trip is wild and real ride starts here. I'm giggling like an idiot typing this right now and realizing how this chapter perfectly falls on the start of June, what a way to start Pride month (happy pride month btw, love y'all my fellow queer babes xx), you'll understand why I say this when you read. Anyway I wanted to thank imagine-that-100 again because in this one, she gave me the incredible honor of getting my lovely Alice in here so I can introduce you to her and you can grow excited about the fic she's gonna be the main character of which is called 'Nightmare'. Alice is based on Heather from Pale Waves by the way! All I'm gonna say is that Alice is a fucking legend and when N eventually puts that fic out, y'all will die cus it's really fucking hot. I cannot wait for you to read this lol, remember the story warnings that are in the description of this story! (I think you can make out why I'm saying this right now) Enjoy!!!!!!

Masterlist

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 11 | Part 12 |

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After spending the day before walking, it was obvious to Ella that she'd be sleeping in, but she had made sure to set at least three alarms in order to not miss breakfast time at the hotel restaurant. That hadn't worked though because she managed to sleep through them and wake up only thirty minutes before breakfast was over.

She'd rushed through the hallways to get there in time, barely having gotten presentable enough to show up at the place next to the lobby, but she made it regardless.

The lady who showed her to a table had been very obviously forcing a smile at Ella, making her wince and nervously promising that she wouldn't take long. And keep her promise she did, for she was done and back upstairs in her room getting ready for the day only twenty minutes later.

That day would have to be done without Alex, due to the band having a meeting at Domino Records in anticipation of the album coming out soon.

Ella had gotten a full update on it all from Flo, who had designed the cover art and the merch, and also helped the guys come up with a better name for the record than 'The New Black'. So 'AM'would be coming out in September, and only two months away from release day, things were busy for the lads.

When Alex suggested rescheduling the meeting, claiming they still had all of August to handle everything, Ella had turned him down with a laugh.

"Alex I won't have your label getting angry at you because you're pushing things back to hang out with me. I can spend the day with Bre and we'll see each other later—plus, didn't Jamie say we were all going to that pub tonight?"

Jamie had been adamant of going to this pub, somewhere Ella had no clue it was but looked pretty, and everyone would be following him to the place that night.

Just because of the plans the guitarist had already made for everyone, Ella had been conscious to take it easy that day. That's why she and Bre had walked around London, being mindful of not tiring themselves too much for the early afternoon, to then go back to Ella's hotel room and just chill about the place until they had to get ready to leave and meet up with the rest of the group.

Alex and Matt had picked them up from the hotel and taken them to the pub where Jamie, Katie, Nick and Kelly were already waiting.

Thankfully, the ride to the place was only fifteen minutes long so their friends weren't waiting for too long and when they got there, they could see they had bumped into a friend and been stuck in a lovely conversation with him.

Ella smiled at the sight of her friends, waving eagerly at Katie and Kelly who waved back just as enthusiastically when they spotted her by the door.

She walked over to the girls with Bre in tow and hugged them hello. She wasn't short in showering them with compliments since they looked stunning and they had done just the same to her.

Ella blushed and thanked them shyly, taking off her trench coat and placing it over the back of a chair to greet Jamie and Nick.

She silently made her way around the table and went to hug them, excusing herself when she interrupted the man she didn't know who was speaking with Jamie.

"So sorry to interrupt. I'm Ella, nice to meet you." She would've waited for Jamie to introduce her but the truth was that the lad was gorgeous and she had promised herself this trip would be the one to let go of the insecurities she'd been left with from her latest relationship and maybe put herself out there, even if it was just for some fun.

The guy waved her apology off with a smirk, one that fit his face so well it had Ella biting the inside of her cheek lightly, "Oscar. Nice to meet you Ella." He shook her hand delicately and let it drop slowly back down.

Everyone saw the way Ella had blushed, the girls had wanted to shriek at her reaction and the lads had wanted to giggle but they held themselves back. Alex, on the other hand, had wanted to pull Ella from Oscar's side because he only wanted to see her react like that to him, just like she had done many times the day before.

They all settled at the big table after Alex greeted everyone, Oscar included, Katie sitting beside Jamie, Nick and Kelly next to each other as well, Matt had his arm wrapped around Bre's waist as she sat on his lap despite having a free seat next to them, and Alex had Ella sat close next to him.

Soon enough, Ella found out Oscar was in a band called 'Pale Waves' and they'd been friends with the Monkeys for a few years. He had lazily pointed at the two other band members that had come with him and said that the third, who was their drummer called Zara, had stayed at home because she was ill.

Ella had barely caught that, because when Oscar had pointed towards the pool tables where his two other bandmates were, she swore her heart had skipped a beat.

There stood a man, waiting for his turn at the game but the one who had Ella hypnotized was this woman bent over trying to make a shot at a striped ball. Ella watched the smirk growing on her face when she made the shot with ease and watched as she stood back up straight, only losing her breath a little more.

Her black hair cut in a bob with the long bangs framed her face perfectly, and Ella appreciated her beauty deeply but what she was wearing had the American gulping at the sight. Her legs were on full show due to her short plaid skirt but covered in fishnets, her white crop top clearly showed the lack of a bra, she stood tall in her red heeled platform boots and her neck was adorned with a black leather collar that tied together with a metal A.

Suddenly, Ella felt so insignificant in her square neck green dress that covered up to her knees and her simple black chelsea boots.

But that feeling of inferiority died when the girl caught her staring and she had to make it seem like she was talking to Katie. It hadn't worked at all, because the girl's smirk grew bigger at the sight of Ella's flustered expression as she spoke to Jamie's fiance.

Alex had noticed her pink cheeks but had been in conversation with Nick and Matt, therefore missing what had happened, so he brought his hand to Ella's face and cupped her jaw just to feel how warm she was.

"Are you okay?" He asked with a tinge of worry. He knew she didn't do well in the cold and the last thing he wanted was for her to become ill whilst on holiday.

Ella gulped at the feeling of his hand on her face, so delicate and warm. "Yes, uhm–, who's that?" She shyly asked, pointing towards the woman with a slight raise of her chin.

Alex's gaze quickly fell on the other two members of Pale Waves and with a soft frown, he repeated what Oscar had said a few minutes before. "Oscar's bandmates."

She let out a small sigh, "I know– but, who's she?"

Alex missed the way Ella looked at the girl then, because he just had to roll his eyes as he was completely overcome with annoyance and anger towards the woman playing pool. He shook his head, not really wanting Ella to meet such an appalling person. "You don't wanna know."

That answer had Ella frowning, his face had completely fallen just at the sight of the girl and if that was Alex's reaction to just being in the same establishment as that woman, then she was intrigued about who she was and what her personality was like. She was curious to know about what had happened to make him react like that but she and Alex were brought back into conversation meaning she couldn't get answers just yet.

Matt and Bre came from the bar with drinks for everyone, placing a tray in the middle of the table. Breana had bought a round of shots for everyone along with their drinks, so that was the first thing they did to start off their night.

Ella winced at the burn of the vodka, quickly grabbing her old-fashioned to soothe her throat. Alex wrapped his arm around her waist, softly rubbing circles over her dress as he softly smiled in amusement at her reaction to the alcohol. The need to close her eyes so she could catch her breath again made Ella miss Oscar's bandmate making way to their table.

She opened her eyes and saw the lad waving at everyone and introducing himself to Bre and Ella.

"Hi, I'm Connor. Y'alright?"

Both of them greeted him sweetly and introduced themselves to him, falling into a quick small talk that was then interrupted as the mystery woman now came from the bar with two drinks in hand.

Ella felt her gaze burning on the side of her head from all the way there, that was the only reason she had noticed where she had disappeared to, and she'd had to turn back around slowly as she felt the blush creep on her cheeks again.

But then her platform boots hitting the wooden floors had Ella turning back around to watch her approach them. The girl took a sip of one of the drinks, the glass leaving her lips just a few seconds later and they formed a grin as she got to them.

"Well hello," The girl said but it wasn't to everyone, her gaze was stuck on Ella who grew hot under it and almost shifted in her seat. Alex's hold grew tighter by the second, and that was making her head spin too.

Ella was beyond herself at the way she was feeling about the woman so she could only mutter a quiet, "Hi." as she raised her eyes to return her stare, trying to smile at her without blushing but it was becoming difficult.

"I'm Alice." She said and offered her hand out for Ella to shake, "What's your name beautiful?"

That fully made Ella's cheeks heat up again—her voice was so sweet and her accent only made Ella's knees go weak—but Alice had barely a chance to see her flustered because Alex was quick to say through his teeth, "Fuck off Alice.", making Ella whip her head around to glare at him.

She had never seen him be anything but kind to everyone, and Alice had only said hello and introduced herself so there was no need for the defensive reaction.

Alice seemed to be used to it though, because she only raised her eyebrows at him, gave him an unimpressed, "Rude." and then turned back to Ella with a soft smile and asked again, "What's your name darling?"

Ella didn't know if it was the way Alex squeezed her waist after hearing Alice call her that, or if it was hearing Alice call her 'darling' that had made her squirm in her seat.

Nothing compared to the feeling in her tummy whenever Alex called her by that nickname but what she had just felt from being called it by Alice was the closest she could imagine it would feel from anyone else that wasn't the singer.

It was embarrassing how much of an effect a gorgeous woman could have on her but she would blame it on the lack of sex for the past six months and the instant attraction she felt for Alice.

"I'm Ella." The American finally answered, placing her hand on Alice's and praying she didn't feel how they had started to sweat.

"Well Ella..." Instead of shaking her hand, Alice turned it so she could lean down and kiss the back of it, "Lovely to meet you."

Ella wanted to say that it was a pleasure to meet her as well but after that, her words were completely stuck in her throat. Ella barely registered Alex's exasperated sigh at Alice's antics because she watched Alice notice her 'Pure Desire' tattoo on the back of her hand and how she seemed entranced by it, even if it was only for a mere few seconds.

Ella wouldn't lie and say that it didn't feel nice to see Alice acting like that towards her, especially when she seemed to really not want to let go of her hand and leaving her with a faint squeeze to it.

It had been so long since Ella felt anyone actually showed some genuine interest in her—she knew any flirting from Miles was a joke, and that the flirting from Alex wasn't something he actually meant—, that it had her feeling giddy and smiley.

"Oscar, wanna play the winner?" Alice offered her bandmate with the whole group watching her. "Hello everyone by the way. Looking gorgeous as usual ladies and I've missed you three." She added, only giving a smile to Nick, Jamie and Matt, completely excluding Alex from the greeting and even though Ella was still confused by it, she knew Alex had started it.

"Sure," Oscar stood up and then turned to his other bandmate, "Come on Connor."

"I didn't win." Connor hung his head a little, making Matt laugh at the bassist's defeat.

Ella's gaze was drawn onto Alice, she truly couldn't stop looking at her and when she let her gaze drop to scan her look again, she noticed her nipple piercings peaking through the thin fabric of her top. Ella almost groaned at the sight, her legs clenching together and biting her bottom lip.

Alice caught her looking again but this time Ella only gave her a big smile. However this might finish, I should go for it tonight, Ella thought then, with her mind made about Alice and what could happen. The night was young and she felt it was reciprocal so she could try to let go and have fun that night.

About an hour later, and after two more shots and a third old-fashioned in hand, Ella was well on her way to getting drunk. She was very tipsy, only a couple glasses left for her to fall over the edge of drunkenness so she made herself the promise of having a glass of water after she was done with her current cocktail.

Her eyes had been magnetized to Alice's figure, just like Alice's to hers because they had both caught each other staring a fair few times and the last one had ended with Ella blushing after Alice winked at her.

Ella went to the bar once she had finished her drink, promising Alex she was fine and was only going for some water so she could last a bit longer without getting absolutely shit-faced. Alex reluctantly nodded and turned back around to talk to Jamie and Katie once he saw her almost at the bar.

Alice had been waiting for the perfect moment to approach Ella so she could get to know her without being stared at by the rest of their friends and without Alex being an absolute prick to her.

So seeing Ella sweetly smile at the bartender and ask for a glass of water, Alice walked up beside her and greeted her again.

"What is the pretty lady drinking tonight?" Alice asked with a sultry voice that made Ella brightly smile.

"Got some water for now 'cause I refuse to get wasted and go back to my hotel room before midnight." Ella explained swiftly, playing with her fingers.

Alice hummed with a smirk on her face, "Awh baby, are you a lightweight?"

Ella giggled shyly, her already pink cheeks heating up even more at the pet name, "I have that reputation, yeah."

The Brit smirked at her, "Don't worry, I'll take care of you."

"Thank you, Alice." Ella replied with a faint blush on her cheeks.

Alice found it so adorable how easily she blushed but she didn't want her to stay quiet so she started to test the waters to see her chances. "You're not from here from what I can hear."

"The gossip or the accent?"

"The accent," Alice chuckled at her banter, "Quite like it, always been a sucker for an American accent."

Ella hummed softly and decided to just push through her shyness to flirt back with the stunning girl. "It's a British accent in my case."

"Is it?" Alice smirked, she wanted to keep talking to her just to see how she was once out of her shell. "Shall we go sit over there?" She pointed at a booth by a window, not too close to the bar but not too close to their friends either.

Ella nodded, "Sure. Let me get you a drink first though."

Alice just couldn't hold her tongue so she smirked to reply, "Spoiling me already? Was hoping you'd save that for later."

And she was pleasantly surprised when Ella flirted right back, "I'll have more left in me, don't worry."

Completely satisfied with her reply, Alice hummed and gave in, "In that case, I'd love a gin and tonic."

Ella quickly ordered and paid for Alice's drink, handing it to her once the bartender pushed it towards her and after a sweet 'thank you' from Alice, they made their way to the booth.

"Whereabouts in the States are you from?" Alice asked right after they'd taken their seats, sipping on her drink slowly as she waited for her to answer.

"Tennessee, but I live in Los Angeles."

"Ohhh," Alice let out in realization, "Is that how you know them then?"

Ella nodded with a soft smile, "I'm a production assistant in this company that has been working with them since 2011."

"Fucking hell. Two years dealing with them? I applaud you." Alice exaggerated a bit, knowing that they could be annoying but when it came to work they were professionals.

The American girl chuckled, "They're great. I love them, the four idiots."

"Yeah, but you know..." Alice pushed further, playfully. "Men."

"Ugh, don't even get me started." Ella groaned and that was enough to spark some curiosity in Alice.

"Oh no. Bad experience?"

Ella took a few seconds to think before answering, but even then she stumbled, "It's... complicated."

"Do you mind if I'm nosy and ask about it?" Alice was gentle, not wanting to make her uncomfortable.

Ella was feeling very at ease with her though so she didn't find it hard to say, "I actually feel like a drunk rant about the whole thing will be great right now but I apologize in advance for oversharing."

"Nothing to apologize for, baby." Alice quickly reassured, smirking when Ella pressed her lips after being called by the pet name.

After taking a sip of water, Ella started, "So, my last boyfriend cheated on me. And I would love to say that the whole relationship was shit and it was the worst experience of my life but that'd be a lie."

That didn't make Alice feel better about the situation though, her frown deep as she commented on it with a stern, "What a fucking twat."

"Yeah..." Ella agreed, "Now, when I think back to it, I just get annoyed at how he played me. We had agreed on starting a family and trying for a baby at the start of the year and I was over the moon about it so imagine how shattered I was when his parents found him on a date with someone else when he'd told them he'd be out with me."

"You're joking..." Alice's jaw dropped at the brief story, for it sounded utterly devastating.

"He hadn't even wanted to tell me himself to start with so his parents called me to tell me themselves. Apparently they'd been together for a whole month by then." Ella winced as she thought back to it, still not believing that had happened to her.

"I'm so sorry, that's the worst fucking thing." Alice apologized like she needed to but then tried to bring her spirits back up joking with, "You should've fucked his dad. Or his mum, I don't discriminate."

Ella cackled and nodded, "Yeah, that threesome would've made him hate me."

Alice smirked, slightly satisfied by the subtle confirmation of the girl's sexuality. "Definitely."

The alcohol was already impulsing Ella to word vomit though, that's why she continued saying, "Now I have this awful feeling that every relationship I have will end up with me getting cheated on because the first one did it too."

And the British girl didn't miss a beat to reply, "I will batter him after I batter the last one."

"Oh it was a she." Ella felt the need to clear up, looking straight into Alice's eyes just to watch her reaction to the confirmation of her sexuality. "My first relationship. She was my best friend since we started high school but I'd always liked her, so we became girlfriends with two years left until graduation and we were gonna go to college together. Well, that was until she met someone else and fell in love with her, and then left me to go to college with that other girl."

Softly gasping at how cruel things had been to Ella, Alice said, "What the fuck? That is so unfair."

Ella could only nod, "I was left scarred from that one so I just didn't do relationships. Julian was my second official partner, everyone else in between was just a casual thing or a one night stand."

And that was enough for Alice to know that she'd make the night memorable for Ella, "You know what? Fuck them both. Tonight we're gonna have fun and we're gonna forget all about them, so let me change this," She grabbed Ella's glass of water and stood up from her seat, "For an actual drink. Tonight you're getting the treatment you deserve, baby."

Alice winked before leaving to the bar, leaving Ella to stay at the booth, fiddling with her fingers from how nervous she seemed to have gotten. It had been so long since she'd done something casual and she was so scared of fucking up.

No more than two minutes later, Alice was back with two gin and tonics. She left Ella's in front of her and sat back down across from her in the booth.

"Thanks very much." Ella's voice was shy, making Alice feel the need to relax her some more.

"It's nothing, Ella." Alice promised with that sweet voice of hers that had Ella already feeling some type of way.

"You can call me Ellie." She offered her quickly, it was weird to hear someone who wasn't from work call her Ella now.

Alice smirked and stood back up from the booth, grabbing her drink with her left hand and extending her right out to Ella so she could stand up too. "Ellie, let's go dance then."

But that had Ella hiding into herself, "M'not a great dancer."

"I seriously doubt that." Alice insisted, wiggling her fingers which finally made Ella take her hand and let her pull her up from her seat.

"We can dance when I have more alcohol in me." Ella negotiated, knowing she was too sober to dance in the middle of the pub.

"Should we get some shots then?" The singer suggested with that mischievous smirk of hers.

A smirk that Ella matched as she thought, "I probably shouldn't, 'cause it gets me quick but I'm feeling some tequila shots right now."

Alice hummed, amused at the information. "You're looking for trouble."

"Maybe I am." Ella flirted this time, before taking a sip of her drink with her eyes still on Alice's face.

"I like that." Alice winked at her, "How about some shots and playing pool to warm up?"

That sounded like a solid plan to Ella so she eagerly nodded, "Sounds wonderful."

"Alright, go get a table and I'll get us some shots."

Just like Alice had told her, Ella stood by the chosen table after setting it all up. She was leaning on the table as she watched Alice and Matt talking by the bar while they waited for their drinks, but it soon seemed to have turned bitter as Alice's smile changed to a frown that made Ella want to go over and fix whatever had happened.

"Was Matthew annoying you?" Ella had been quick to inquire once Alice was back beside her.

Handing her a shot glass, Alice shrugged with an eye roll, "He's being a dickhead."

"Typical Helders." Ellajoked before raising her glass and clinking it with Alice's to take it.

Ella winced at the taste, going straight back to her still half full gin and tonic to make the tequila burn subside a little bit.

"Do you know how to play?" Alice asked, grabbing her cue and already itching to start playing.

Ella scoffed playfully, "'Course I do."

Alice laughed and said, "Alright." letting her go first.

But halfway through the game, when Ella was missing shots consecutively, Alice had noted her poor form. "You're doing it wrong."

"Why?" Ella asked, slightly defensive.

Alice went to stand behind her, pushing her back down so she was still bent over the table and she could fix her stance. Alice had smirked at the position though, her brain going places already. "If you keep leaning like that then you're gonna mess up your shot."

The Brit leaned her cue on the side of the table and used both her hands to grab at Ella's hips and reposition them. "Keep your hips here, and don't slump over the table like that." Her hands softly fixed her shoulders, making Ella smile at the touch. "There we go. I thought you knew how to play." Alice teased with a smirk.

But Ella took the chance to flirt a little bit, "Maybe I needed a little help." wiggling her ass a little bit before hitting the white ball to shoot at a striped ball.

"Well, I don't mind helping some more." Alice's hands were still resting on her hips as Ella stood back up straight.

With her back pressed to Alice's front, Ella leaned back to say, "Sure you don't."

And Alice didn't let up when she squeezed her hips and whispered in Ella's ear. "I truly don't, but I'm still gonna win."

Ella laughed once Alice had left her with the ghost of her touch on her skin, and turn after turn, she was growing fonder of the singer's company.

Between giggles the game ended and just like Alice predicted, she had won and left Ella to play the next game with Oscar, making her way to the bar to get a new drink for herself.

Alice only let her eyes leave Ella's figure when she had to order her drink, turning back around to look at her bent over the pool table as she giggled over the things Oscar was saying. She wanted to hear exactly what the guitarist was telling her but the music was louder than the chatter.

Ella stood back up and met Alice's gaze with rosy cheeks and a soft smirk, mouthing "I'm winning" proudly to her.

Smiling brightly, Alice winked at her and mouthed a "Good job." back to her, before turning around when the man behind the bar handed her drink.

Alice thought she'd let Ella have some fun by herself, only so she didn't feel suffocated by her flirting because she truly couldn't be fucking it up with her.

So she walked to the booths on the other side of the room, to the one that gave her the best view of the place where Ella stood with Oscar, and it wasn't a surprise that a certain someone had beat her to the best seats in the house.

She smirked at the thought of pushing Alex's buttons, especially knowing that Ella seemed to be very important to him and how she had completely gotten her attention the whole night. Alice could see the fact eating away at Alex's insides.

"Your friend is fit as fuck," Alice sighed as she dropped herself into the space beside Alex, "Thank you for bringing her... Here, and to my attention."

"Stop flirting with her." Alex immediately scorned, "You're making her uncomfortable."

"If I'm making her uncomfortable then you're fucking Einstein." Alice shook her head, sarcasm thick in her voice, "She's flirting back or are you blind as a bat and can't see that woman blush?"

He scoffed, his patience wearing thin already, "She doesn't deserve to be played about by the likes of you."

"Christ Red, I'm already sick of the sound of your voice." The feeling is mutual, Alex thought but before he could even say it out loud, Alice continued, "And it's rude that you think I'm trying to play her about. I'm genuinely interested."

Alex didn't care to believe her words, still pushing for her to stop her behavior. "She's just had her heart broken and she doesn't need you to-"

But Alice had had enough, "To what, Alex? To break it again? To use her? Why do you automatically assume I'm going to be a bitch?"

"Because you are a bitch."

Alice let out a dry laugh at his attempts, "You can do better with your insults, Turner."

"She's only just herself again and I don't want you fucking that up." And truly he didn't want Ella to get hurt, he'd do anything in his power to avoid that but he was biased and in denial, not wanting to see how Ella was reciprocal to Alice's intentions.

"Very noble of you Red I've gotta say. But I have absolutely no intention to hurt that stunning woman." It was one of the very unusual times that Alice didn't use sarcasm when speaking to Alex, her words screaming honesty but the singer was seething seeing it all unfold in front of him.

"Stop trying to fuck her too," was the only thing he could say, completely ignoring Alice's tries to make him understand she wasn't playing the American girl.

She was completely fed up then, so she just said, "I think she wants to fuck me too, so why would I stop?" to mess with him a bit more, have him more angry at the fact that the night was simply not going how he'd expected.

Alex groaned in response, his hands coming up to rub his face in frustration. He desperately needed a smoke but if he went outside after this talk, he knew Alice would take Ella back to hers in a second and there'd be nothing he could do about it.

"I've never seen you so defensive. Not even over Arielle when I used to flirt with her." Alice was taking the opportunity to continue annoying him, but at the same time she was trying to find some answers, just so she could use the information to her advantage in the future.

Alex didn't give her the pleasure though, only glaring at her with murderous thoughts running through his mind. Alice brought the worst in him every time.

"What's that look for?" She teased, knowing she'd break him in no time. "Ohhh, you like her don't you?"

"Fuck off Loveless." He cursed through his teeth, really grasping tightly the last bits of patience he had left.

Alice rolled her eyes, truly amused at the fact that he kept trying to tell her what to do. "Oh Red, you've already told me and I didn't listen to you the first time so I definitely won't be now. Save your breath."

"Do you ever just get fucking tired?" His question was hostile, his gaze matching the tone.

"Not really." She purposely answered knowing that it would make him want to scream in frustration, "Do tell, how long has it been since you've liked her?"

"Shut up Alice." She truly didn't need to know, because the true answer was gonna be enough for Alice to laugh until the end of time over his 'lack of game'.

But she wouldn't budge, now she was just purely curious to know the real answer because it seemed like it'd be an entertaining story. "C'mon, let's try and be civil once." She kicked his feet under the table, only getting him to grumpily shift his legs away from her.

She laughed as Alex gave her an ultimatum for her to stop trying to get an answer. "We're not going to sit here talking about my feelings Alice. We're not friends."

"No we're not. But Christ, I'm jealous you've been her friend for so long. Since 2011 she said, you fucking lucky bastard." She really couldn't believe he had seen a girl like that for two years and not tried to make her his girlfriend.

"Please stop." He begged, making Alice's eyes widen.

"Damn you beg for this woman. You're down so bad." 'Please' was a word she never heard coming from Alex, so this meant it was very serious for him.

"Loveless, I'm being serious." His eyes narrowed as he glared at her once more.

That only had her trying not to laugh, "Don't threaten me with a good time Alex."

"Kill me now." Alex sighed, looking up to the ceiling as if begging for lightning to strike him down.

"Don't tempt me." Alice pushed further, fully just jumping on everything he said because he put it so easy for her to get him angry.

Alex was done with it so he just said what he wanted to say, not caring about what Alice may think, because he was finding her cruel—not just to him but to Ella—and he hated it. "Don't, because I know exactly what you're doing and you know it's working so just please stop."

Alice frowned, not really understanding what he meant. "What is it that I'm doing?"

"You're trying to fuck her to get one up on me for our little vendetta we have against each other. You're trying to get with her to annoy me. And yes, it's working." He stated like it was obvious, a patronizing look on his face that made Alice want to punch it right off.

Alex watched as the singer visibly deflated then, her eyes got less hard and some emotion he'd not seen in her before seeped through the cracks. But before he could comment on it, Alice's hard expression came back, "It pisses me off how you think I'm such a stone cold bitch. I have fucking feelings too, I just don't when I talk to you because you're always a cunt to me."

Her glass landed with a loud thud on the table in front of them but it wasn't loud enough to hide her scoff, "I'm not a monster Alex. I'm not trying to use her. Especially in any way to get back at you."

Alice's playful smirk had long left her face, making Alex start to panic inside thinking about what he should say to make it better, maybe even try to apologize. If Alice had paid attention to him, then she'd seen the cogs turning around in his brain, smoke coming out of his ears with how hard he was trying to make it up to the singer but when Matt came over to check on them—knowing they had a reputation to ruin each other's nights from their arguments—, he took it as he'd been saved by the bell.

Thankfully, Matt had been a sort of mediator between them because about five minutes later, when they were back alone, they stayed there in a comfortable silence rather than the awkward one before.

So they continued watching Ella playing. Their eyes followed her every move, which were ever the slightest bit calculated since Ella had caught them and could feel them staring at her.

So, with a mischievous mind very much induced by the alcohol in her bloodstream, she slowly leaned down to pick her glass from the floor, making a show of her barely covered ass and swaying it to the sides slightly, just enough for them to notice but for everyone else to take it as a normal thing.

And if that wasn't enough, when she came back up, she made sure to stroke up and down the cue she was using to play. Her fingers flexing around it, her tattoo stealing the spotlight and drawing their eyes in.

"Fucking hell." Alice hissed quietly before biting her lip and taking her own drink to have a long sip of it as she looked away from the American. Her brain was racing with thoughts that had her eager to get the night moving.

As Alex was the only one who could hear it, he looked at the singer and breathlessly asked, "What?" as if he hadn't seen that too, as if he hadn't had to bite his tongue and clench his fists to not groan.

"I want that Pure Desire tattoo wrapped around my neck like a pretty necklace." Alice said truthfully, not really wanting to keep it to herself because it was Ella and she knew now that he'd agree. "Take this choker off me and give me her hand."

Alex hated so badly that it was Alice saying it, he didn't want to share Ella with anyone, much less with the woman he hated. "Oh my fucking god Alice."

Alice rolled her eyes, "Oh don't tell me you've not pictured exactly the same thing. Just because I'm the only one ballsy enough to say it out loud."

"Come on," Alice nudged his shoulder with hers, "Admit it."

"Loveless." He told her like a warning.

Alice leaned in a little closer, prompting him again, "Admit it, Red." And only to see his reaction is that she allowed herself to think of a dirty scenario, "You've definitely thought about that hand around your throat, probably around your dick too, but knowing your lyrics, the throat one probably has you finishing in seconds when you think about her."

"You're being loud." He warned once more.

"And there was no denial in sight. Kinky bastard." She raised an eyebrow at him, challenging him to admit to having done that. But he was quick to avert his eyes and look back to the pool tables. "Don't go all shy, she's hot. Why wouldn't you want her? I know I do."

He still gave her silence as an answer and that was enough for Alice to know it all. Alex was so easy to read, and having received nothing but hostility, indifference and defensive comments from him, it was easy to know when he felt the complete opposite towards someone.

They watched as she made her last shot, making it perfectly and she jumped in her spot in celebration. Oscar laughed at her actions, his smile staying on his face because Ella was just so adorable to him. So he took a step towards her and in one swift motion pulled her in by the waist, making her crash into his chest and fling her arms around his neck for stability.

Oscar had seen the two staring at Ella for a while, so he found his friends' eyes and smirked at them in an attempt to tease them.

Oscar's smirk only grew bigger when Alice and Alex flipped him off at the same time, the jaws locked and their stern looks on him as he swayed with Ella in his arms and squeezed her tight before letting go.

"How you nearly fucked him I don't know." Alex quickly reminded Alice, trying to see if that'd push her away from trying anything else tonight.

"We were very drunk and my standards were lower."

"You sure?" He back chatted, without missing a beat and the way her face fell in annoyance.

"You're a dick." She sighed, her 'Alex Turner tolerance' levels were running very low, "I'm sorry but out of me or Oscar, who would you rather take your friend home?"

"Can't believe I'm saying this but you." He felt sick just admitting that aloud.

She hummed in satisfaction, "Exactly."

Ella moved to hang the cue she'd been using, hearing Breana call her over from the table the group was still at. So she walked in a slow pace over to her best friend, smirking at the attention of Alice and Alex she could still feel.

Alice sighed in content, watching Ella's legs peeking out from the fabric of her dress, her ass so perfectly hugged by it. "She's so perfect from every point of view... Just one look from her is more than enough for me to believe god is real and she's just as gay as me." She backtracked on her statement and felt the need to clarify, "God, I mean, not Ella. I know Ella is just as gay as me."

Alex shook his head, trying not to give her the pleasure of hearing him actually laugh because he'd found that funny, focusing on the way Ella got to Bre and hugged her from the back and over her shoulders.

They could see Breana had ordered some sort of dessert, but they weren't quite sure what it was. It didn't matter though, because watching Ella take the spoonful that the model was offering her was far more important, and it had them completely entranced when the whipped cream that was over it fell out of the corner of Ella's mouth and down her bare neck.

Ella laughed, struggling to swallow between the chuckles and Breana, who was trying to wipe the sweet from her neck with her finger, couldn't do it correctly due to how she couldn't stay still from the laughter.

A few seconds later, Bre had managed to wipe most of it with her index finger and offered it to Ella as a joke to lick clean but that was exactly what Ella needed to have the two people who were gawking at her, completely lose it.

So Ella stuck her tongue out to lick Breana's finger from base to tip and then wrapped her lips around it to sink her mouth on it. It got even filthier when Ella's eyes met theirs and she let them roll back in satisfaction.

Both Alice and Alex were struggling to breathe. In the middle of that Alice's head had fallen on Alex's shoulder and she'd fully groaned into his neck. Alex was going into overdrive, and Alice felt herself getting worked up from the whole thing.

"That was thigh-clenching-ly hot. Fuck me..." And Alice wasn't lying because when Alex distractedly dropped his gaze down, he saw her thighs pressed together and he had to hold himself back not to groan in response.

But Ella wasn't done, not when she'd just seen them react that way. She had made it seem like she'd gotten distracted by Jamie and Nick laughing at Matt's comment on Ella trying to steal his girlfriend, but she'd been watching the two out of the corner of her eye.

That's why, to seemingly keep the joke going in front of the lads, she asked Breana to lick the rest off her neck and her best friend did just that.

Alice wanted to be Breana so badly in that moment, to have Ella sit on her lap as she licked her neck. Alex tried not to moan when he saw Bre purposely start sucking on Ella's neck and Ella's mouth opened slightly in pleasure.

"They're gonna start shagging on the table!" They heard Nick yell, Matt was separating the American girls as everyone laughed their asses off, especially when they pointed at the small bruise already showing faintly on Ella's neck

Alice had been sure she'd be shagging Ella later, but that just made her a thousand percent sure that it'd be one of the best decisions she'd make. "I won't fuck her against the shared wall, don't worry." She stated, even though she certainly knew that'd happen, because all she wanted to do now was fuck Ella in every corner of her damn flat.

Alex stood up then, completely done with her, still breathless from the whole situation and just wanting to go home so he could properly get off to the thought of Ella. "Time for another drink."

"I'll have a Negroni Sbag–"

"Wasn't asking if you wanted one Loveless." Alex leaned down and whispered into her ear, "Especially if you fuck my Ellie."

Alice smirked up at him and whispered back, "I'm going to make your Ellie cum on my tongue."

Alex pretended the image hadn't made him want to burst right there. He was sure he'd hate Alice even more after that night because of how much he'd be thinking about them both. And it was awful of him, he knew, but how could he not. That made him also want to kick himself in the head because it wasn't only Ella involved, it was Alice of all people. Fucking Alice.

Alice downed whatever was left of her drink, taking the empty glass with her until she reached Ella's side and wrapped her arm around her waist.

"You're a tease, aren't you?" Alice whispered into her ear, making Ella shiver in her hold.

Ella played innocent, "Me? What makes you say that?"

But Alice could see straight through her and if she was right about her suspicions then it would be a very fun night. Alice hummed, letting her hand drop slowly and then grabbing a handful of Ella's ass and squeezing it, making Ella whimper softly only for her to hear. "I'm very observant."

Ella had enough alcohol in her to fully be blunt and not care that she was in public and in front of all their friends so, with her eyes filled with lust, she said, "And are you liking the view?"

"Very much." Alice replied looking at her hungrily and not being able to hold back any longer.

Alice quickly placed her glass on the table and grabbed Ella by the neck to pull her in and kiss her. It was a hungry kiss, and neither of the girls cared to be seen, if anything Alice thought it'd be better for everyone in the place to know she was the one taking Ella home. Alice believed she was the only one in the place that could treat her the way she deserved.

Ella's arms wrapped around Alice's shoulders, making sure to tangle her fingers on the singer's hair and pulling her in impossibly closer. Alice had one of her arms around Ella's waist, holding her tightly to her chest, and her right hand was still wrapped around Ella's neck just like she'd wanted to do all night.

Now, Alice wanted to test her theories, so she put some more pressure around Ella's neck to see if she was truly into it and when the girl moaned into her mouth, allowing their tongues to taste each other, Alice felt like the luckiest woman alive.

Their kiss went on until they ran out of breath, pulling away as they panted, not even caring about how their friends had all gone silent. All the girls could focus on was the big smirks on each other's faces, certainly satisfied by the kiss.

Somewhere in the background they heard Matt saying "Fucking hell, they were eating each other." but they couldn't be arsed to say anything back because Alice was now rubbing circles on Ella's neck and she was enjoying the touch way too much.

Ella's gaze fell on Alice's swollen lips and that only made her want to taste them again so, letting one of her arms drop from around her shoulders to her waist, Ella pulled Alice back in for another kiss.

Alice moaned as she felt Ella's tongue instantly teasing her lips so that she could open them up for her, making Ella grip her waist tighter and pushing her hips against Alice's. That only made the British girl tighten her hold around Ella's neck, and that's when Ella knew that if she didn't live in a different continent, then she'd do anything to feel Alice's lips on hers all the time.

This time they didn't kiss for long, because now their friends were causing ruckus and they'd rather not have them ruin the night for them by being loud and forcing them to leave early. Not that it would be bad for them, as they could get down to it sooner but they both knew they wanted to stay and enjoy each other's presence a little more at the pub they were in.

So Ella left a bunch of pecks on Alice's lips, which made Alice truly melt at how fucking adorable she was.

When Alice let her hand drop from Ella's neck, she noticed once again the bareness of it, so she undid her own choker and wrapped it around Ella's neck instead.

Ella bit her lip, feeling Alice's fingers brushing the skin on the back of her neck—it was such a simple touch but she was suffocating in the tension between them, it had her tummy fluttering.

Alice finished locking the leather piece, and leaned backwards to see it in all its glory around Ella's pretty neck. "Definitely suits you better." She said, her mouth watering as she thought of marking her up all over. "That feel alright?" She asked, just to make sure Ella was comfortable.

But Ella made her breath hitch in her throat when she whispered, "Kinda wish it could be tighter."

And once again, Alice just couldn't help herself. She deeply groaned as she hooked her finger on the A that tied the choker together and pulled Ella in to attack her lips again. Thankfully, seeing that the two girls had been ignoring them all, their friends had gone back to what they were doing and left them to it.

They were also thankful for the music in the place, loud enough so it could drown the moans they were letting out into each other's mouths.

Alice brought one of her hands to tangle in Ella's hair and pulled on it ever so roughly to make her whimper. Ella had left the hand that was on Alice's waist drop to grope her ass, fingers roughly kneading the barely covered flesh, and the singer stopped the kiss to let out a breathy moan that had Ella smirking.

Alex had come back from the bar right after Alice had put her choker on Ella and he found it a miracle that the glass he had in his hand didn't shatter from how tight he was holding it.

He knew Alice was determined but how he wished she'd set her eyes on someone else because seeing all that was just making his chest twist in a knot. He had imagined tonight going so differently: getting to have a drink with Ella and chat to their heart's content, dancing around with her, sharing smokes and maybe taking her back to his just so they could cuddle.

The longer he thought about it, the more his anger towards Alice bubbled inside him.

He got to the table right when the girls let go of each other, not before Ella gave Alice's ass another cheeky squeeze, making Alice laugh and leave a kiss on her neck. Rolling his eyes, he started gulping down his drink, making a mental note to make it a double next time he went to the bar.

Ella went to sit with Breana again, leaving Alice to chat with Oscar and both conversations seemed to be about the same topic.

Bre kept teasing Ella, and she could only blush as she said how much she was looking forward to later in the night. The model had hugged her tightly and shaken her in her arms, making Ella giggle away.

And Alice watched all that with a loopy smile on her face, matching the one on Alex's face who was looking at Ella's happy state with pure adoration. Yes he despised seeing it be because of someone else but her happiness was contagious and he couldn't help feeling warm inside whenever she smiled.

It was about ten minutes later that someone from the staff had pulled the projector screen down in the corner of the room and set everything up for karaoke. A handful of people ran to the book to pick a song to perform.

They all suffered three very drunkenly performed songs and a decent rendition of one of the best ABBA songs. And as a man very passionately sang an Adele song, a tipsy Ella who had been peer pressured into participating stood up to grab the song book.

If it wasn't for the alcohol and Alice's gaze on her, she would've done anything to avoid it, but then she found a song she loved by one of her new favorite artists that had her brightly grinning and quickly telling the man in charge of the songs what it was that she'd be singing.

When the man singing Adele was done and stepped out of the small stage, Ella grabbed the microphone with shaky hands. Everyone at the table whooped and cheered, wolf whistled and clapped seeing her walk onto the stage, making her blush.

The song started, she was deeply regretting agreeing to it until her eyes landed on Alex's and he nodded at her encouragingly, giving her thumbs up and smiling wide at seeing her on stage for a change.

Ella smiled back at him, scrunching her nose and in no time she started singing along.

She had a sweet, hush voice that sounded amazing even when she was drunk. People at the pub started cheering for her as she'd been so far the best to perform. But it was when she got to the chorus that her eyes met Alice's and she just had to put on a little show for her.

Fuck yeah, give it to me, this is Heaven, what I truly want

Ella sang teasingly, making sure to get a little breathless to accentuate how she wanted to be chanting that line, Alice crossed her legs to aid the ache between them.

Alex had let out a groan, one that left his throat without him wanting to. If he closed his eyes every time she sang that line, he could paint a picture in his mind that was enough for him to cum in his pants at any second.

It was in the second verse that Ella leaned onto the railing that separated the stage and stared right into Alice's eyes as she sang.

In the land of gods and monsters

I was an angel looking to get fucked hard

Ella sent a wink Alice's way and the singer bit her lip, eyeing her up and down with a hungry look on her face.

And after that look, Ella just filled up with this confidence that had her hips swaying and really feeling every line of the song.

Alex was quite literally dying in his seat. His heart was going a thousand miles per hour, every movement of Ella's body getting branded to the forefront of his mind. But all of Ella's attention was on Alice, making him want to scream.

Alice had made a point to be the loudest once Ella got off stage and she was pleased to see Ella go straight to sit on her lap and give her a quick kiss.

"That was so embarrassing." She'd said in Alice's ear.

Alice shook her head, "You did amazing, baby. T'was fucking hot."

Ella gave her no time to react when she cupped her jaw and kissed her hard. Ella's hands cupped her jaw eagerly and Alice's arms pulled her impossibly close, and because of how she'd forcefully pushed her hips into hers, Ella had moaned at the friction.

"God– Please, sit on my face." Alice said under her breath, already obsessed with the noises Ella made.

Ella's thighs clenched together, "Thought you'd never ask." was what she said back and Alice would've taken her right there if she could've.

Another hungry kiss started, their tongues meeting straight away making them dizzy from want but it was cut short because of the person who was now on stage quite literally screaming 'Living On A Prayer'. Ella rested her forehead on Alice's and they both started laughing into each other, absolutely loving the way the night was turning out to be.

Alex was forcing himself to focus on the butchering of the Bon Jovi song, just so he could keep the little sanity he had left.

He was sure it'd be worse once he'd go home and had to try to find sleep whilst he knew that the girls' would be shagging next door. He would just have to try and stay way longer just to avoid arriving at his flat.

A few more people went—including Katie and Breana who had sung 'Head Over Heels' by Tears for Fears—, and after a fair fifteen minutes, Ella had stood up from Alice's lap so she could go sing.

When Alice got on stage, Ella wolf whistled at her, earning her a wink and a blown kiss. Alex felt himself dying a little bit when he watched Ella's massive smile on her face at that. Jealousy was such a weird feeling, his chest tightening at the sight of her happiness and knowing someone else was the reason for that, was killing him.

And it only became worse when Alice's chosen song started and the people around the place started cheering for her as she sang straight to Ella.

So one, two, three

Take my hand and come with me

Because you look so fine

That I really wanna make you mine

I said, you look so fine

That I really wanna make you mine

He wanted to be the one making Ella blush as she giggled by having a song basically serenaded to her.

Well, I could see you home with me

But you were with another man, yeah

I know we ain't got much to say

Before I let you get away, yeah

I said, are you gonna be my girl?

Alex drowned his thoughts in whiskey, staring at a giddy Ella hypnotized by Alice. It was painful to see not only their group of friends enjoying the performance but everyone in the establishment cheering and singing along, clapping and hyping Alice up. That only had the singer more confident to lay it on thick on Ella as she sang to her.

Once Alice was done and off stage, seeing Ella so eagerly kiss her had Alex standing up from his seat and going to the bar.

He ordered himself a double whiskey on the rocks, downing it faster than he should've and ordering another one right away. He sat at the bar until the karaoke stopped and even though his ears hurt, he wished the obnoxious noise was still there so he could distract himself from his thoughts.

Once he was finished with his second drink, he made sure to get a third one and when he got it, he went back to sit at the booth he and Alice had been sitting at earlier when watching Ella.

Time had moved quicker than he could process as he wallowed in self pity in a corner and, in a moment when her attention wasn't completely taken by Alice or the rest of the group, Ella made her way to him.

She was truly elated, the night had turned out better than she'd ever expected and to find someone she actually wanted to fuck, who she felt so comfortable with already, was a massive win to her.

So Ella let herself drop beside Alex with a happy sigh. He turned around quickly, knowing it was her from just her scent, and smiled softly.

"You okay sweets?" She asked with a soft frown on her face, the last time she'd seen him was when she was on stage during karaoke and he'd been smiling so she wondered what had happened for his mood to fall down completely.

"Yes darling, I'm fine." He gave her a tight lip smile that she instantly knew was forced.

She shook her head, "You don't look it, sweetness. Come here." She opened her arms for him and Alex sighed.

He stared at the A around her neck, held by the leather band of the choker and he wished with everything he had that it was A for Alex instead of Alice. Ignoring the growing jealousy inside him, he accepted her embrace and relaxed instantly by nuzzling in the crook of her neck.

She giggled at the tickling feeling from his hair, which made him only do it more in order to hear her laugh louder. His hand managed to go around her side to tickle her there and that's when she dropped her arms to cackle as she tried to push him away from her.

"Stop, stop, stop. I'm too drunk for tickling." She pleaded, really feeling like she'd fully pee herself from laughing with her state.

Alex stopped, opting for properly wrapping his arm around her waist and pulling her closer into his side.

"Are you having fun?" He asked softly, only she was able to hear him from how close she was to him.

Ella showed a loopy grin, her eyes closing at how wide it was, "Lots."

"I'm glad, darling. You deserve it." He was being honest, because despite how he hated everything that had gone on—except for this very moment—, he was so damn happy she was happy.

She cooed, letting her head fall on his shoulder. "Gonna make me cry, sweets. Remember I'm an emotional drunk."

He chuckled and left a kiss on top of her head, making her skin erupt in goosebumps. "You're a clingy one as well. You'll be asking for cuddles in a bit."

And he was about to suggest taking her back to his so they could cuddle all night, a last attempt to stop anything from happening between her and Alice, when aforementioned suddenly appeared beside her and pounced on Ella's lips.

Ella leaned back into Alex due to the force and the lack of space, and since the singer had his arm around her waist, he was stuck between the seat and Ella's body.

He tried his best to avert his eyes, not wanting to watch the way Alice's tongue disappeared into Ella's mouth but what he couldn't do was mute the noise so he fully froze when Ella let out a loud moan at the taste of Alice.

A moan that earned her one from Alice and soon enough both of them were whimpering messes which had Alex completely going insane.

Alex tried pulling his arm out slowly but Ella kept leaning back, meaning he was more trapped by the second. He watched around him in search of any type of help, he needed a way out, but everyone was still at the table, so engrossed in the conversations that he couldn't even catch anyone's attention from where he was.

He cursed in his head, fully panicking as Ella continued to lean back into him and now resting on his chest, Alice starting to bend over on top of her. And then the girls' hands started to wander and Ella's right hand disappeared under Alice's top. He could see her fingers inching closer to Alice's nipple and he knew that if he didn't get out of there soon, then he'd be in serious trouble.

So Alex cleared his throat loudly and continuously, enough times to have them separating with their chests heaving and cheeks flushed. Not as flushed as his, but definitely giving him competition.

Alice held her hand out for Ella to grab, which she accepted instantly and watching Alice go over to the table to grab her coat, Ella turned around slightly to apologize.

"Sorry sweets. I'll see you tomorrow?" Ella tried meeting his eyes to see if their plans still stood, but it was a failure.

Alex could barely meet her eyes as he nodded his head. "Yep. See you tomorrow, darling."

Ella gave him a tight lip smile that he missed but he was left with the picture of Alice helping Ella put her coat on and then intertwining her fingers with Ella's as they waved everyone goodbye.

"Have fun Eleanor!" Oscar yelled suggestively as the couple of girls walked away.

Ella was gonna flip him off when Alice beat her to an answer, "Oh she most certainly will." She assured, to then make a V with her fingers and stuck her tongue out through it to flick up and down in a quick motion.

They heard their friends laugh behind them, Ella's cheeks bright red as they walked out but her heart leaped on her chest from anticipation. 

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧

The walk back to Alice's was about fifteen minutes long which she'd find short in any other circumstance, but standing right there with the need to have Ella to herself had her deciding to just take a cab back to her place.

Only a few minutes later the girls were sitting inside a car, the red light on and the lights flashing as they drove the city's streets.

"So I hear you're in a band?" Ella started the conversation, feeling Alice rubbing her hand tattoo with her thumb.

She nodded, giving Ella her undivided attention, "I am."

"What do you do?" Ella asked, her words a little slurred, and she felt slightly bad for forgetting what Oscar had said she did earlier.

But Alice smiled amused, "I sing."

"Like Alex?" The American grinned, forgetting how both singers seemed to hate each other.

"Yes, but I'm better than him," Alice stated confidently and when Ella laughed a little she added, "I'm sexier too."

Ella hummed softly, not really knowing if she could fully agree on that because if she took a moment to think about it, then she'd greedily choose them both.

"Why does it seem like you two don't like each other?" She felt the need to ask.

"That's because we don't... At all." Alice didn't hesitate to tell her.

The information confused Ella because she truly couldn't understand why Alex couldn't stand such a sweet and funny girl like Alice.

"Can I ask why?" She asked curiously.

"I don't know why to be honest with you." Alice told her truthfully, "The first time I met him he was horrible to me for no reason. And then it progressed to what it is now... Always getting under each other's skin."

"He's not a bad person, I swear." Ella felt the sudden urge to defend her best friend, maybe even give Alice another view on him that could make her try to change her mind. "I've actually never met anyone nicer... He's the one who got me through all the shit my ex put me through, got me being myself again."

"I'm glad he's got a soft spot for someone. Nice to see some human qualities come through" Alice only smiled back, her eyes clearly wandering around Ella's face, which made her blush. "And it's really fine that it's not for me. We get under each other's skin, it's entertaining a lot of the time to be honest."

Ella got lost staring at Alice's features, half a minute going by before her brain caught up with what was said so she offered a solution, "Maybe if you spent time together then you both could-"

But Alice shook her head with a sad expression on her face. Only sad because of not being able to give Ella the outcome she wanted in the situation. "We're going on tour together the rest of the year and the next baby, and we've just done a festival run together. I can't see anything changing. And I've already tried with him and nothing's ever come of it. So I'll just have to learn to live with him."

"You're touring with them?" Ella asked with a sparkle of excitement in her eyes.

"Pale Waves supporting Arctic Monkeys across America and Europe and festivals in Australia. Can you believe it?" Alice smiled sweetly at her, really appreciating her obvious elation at the news.

"I feel bad that you're touring with them and I've never heard your music." Ella's voice sounded very apologetic then, as she played with Alice's fingers.

"Don't worry baby," Alice waved off, letting go of Ella's hand to let her own wander over her knee and slowly up her thigh. "You'll get the best seats to any and all shows. I'll be very pleased to see your pretty face there."

Ella blushed harder then, letting her head drop slightly. Feeling the urge to tease Alice back, she let her hand brush over her fishnet covered thigh, and let her fingertips ghost over the tattoo she had there. 'My Mind Makes Noises' it read, and if she focused enough, Ella could see the goosebumps breaking out on Alice's skin from the touch.

"It's the title of my first album." Alice told her with a small smile.

Ella's fingers kept tracing the words as she asked, "Your first?"

"Yes, I'm writing my second now." The singer nodded, trying not to react to the tingles that Ella's fingers were causing her to feel go up her thigh and reach her center.

"Nice." Ella smiled but she couldn't help but wonder, "Why 'My Mind Makes Noises'?"

"Mental illness, baby." Alice chuckled as a joke, but she went on to explain, "I'm okay now but I struggled with how I looked and what my body looked like when I was younger. Wrote the song Noises about it and 'my mind makes noises' is the first line of the song."

"Proud of you for getting through it." Ella smiled, fully resting her hand over her thigh then as she made a mental note to remind Alice as many times as she could just how fucking drop dead gorgeous she was.

"Thank you Ellie." Alice smiled back at her, her hand coming over Ella's and tracing her hand tattoo again.

For a brief second, Ella felt bad that she was flirting with the singer when she'd just told her about her personal trauma. So going a little shy, she withdrew her hand from the singer's thigh and put it back down on her own.

This however was written all across Ella's face and Alice could already read her like a book. So smirking a little, Alice picked Ella's hand up and placed it back on her thigh over her tattoo, then crossed her legs trapping the American's fingers so she could keep her there.

Ella's mouth opened up slightly, her breath shaky when she met Alice's gaze. The action made her lean back into the seat as she cursed under her breath. "Fucking hell."

Alice smirked at the effect and she was grateful to see they only had a few blocks left to get to their destination.

It was all a blur from the moment they got off the cab to when they made it upstairs and into her flat. Their minds were quickly shaken up by their lips clashing again as soon as the door to Alice's flat closed behind them.

"Fuck." Alice cursed on Ella's lips, "I can finally have you all to myself." She inhaled deeply through her nose, so glad to be in between four walls meaning that she could freely drop her hands to grab Ella by the ass and push her hips into hers.

Soon enough, after Ella's coat had been thrown onto the floor, they were on the settee. Ella's legs on each side of Alice's hips as she straddled her. They couldn't stop kissing each other, only when they were overcome by the friction of their hips meeting and they couldn't stop moaning into each others' mouths.

Ella was drenched already and Alice hadn't missed that, not when Ella's dress was bunched all the way up to her hips and she had a full view of her cute lacy thong already ruined. Alice let one of her hands in between their bodies to push Ella's underwear to the side and rub her clit with enough speed to have Ella whimper and stop kissing her.

"Alice–" Ella was barely able to say, breathless from the kiss and now her fingers.

And Alice had loved how she said her name so much that she went ahead and dipped two of her fingers into Ella, slipping so easily inside of her because of how wet she was.

"All this for me?" Alice asked teasingly as she slowly pumped her fingers in and out of her.

Ella could only softly moan at the stretch of Alice's fingers inside her, feeling so much better than her own after so long of having had to get herself off.

But since Alice didn't get an answer, she stopped her movements which made Ella whimper in despair. And in a desperate attempt to continue with what had been happening, Ella lifted her hips up and back down Alice's fingers, fucking herself on them.

Alice groaned as she watched her fingers disappearing inside Ella's cunt and when she looked back up, she noticed Ella's eyes rolling back in pleasure.

She didn't let her have fun for much long because she took her hand away and before Ella could even protest, Alice gave her left ass cheek a hard spank, leaving her to let out a gasp that turned into a moan.

"You need to answer." Alice scorned, a smirk on her face when she watched Ella's dilated pupils focus back on her.

Ella nodded desperately, missing the feeling of her fingers inside her, "Yes, baby, all for you." And in an attempt to get some mercy from Alice, she connected their lips again with need.

Alice knew exactly what she wanted Ella doing first, so without breaking the kiss, she guided Ella's right leg in between hers and forced her hips down onto her tattooed thigh. Alice's hands gripped at Ella's hips tightly, guiding her to move on her thigh, to ride it until she came.

Ella hummed in pleasure, biting Alice's bottom lip as she pulled back and letting it free after a few seconds. That had Alice squirming in her seat, her leg accidentally shifting in between Ella's legs, making the American girl cry out in pleasure.

Watching Ella ride her thigh was a picture Alice wouldn't forget in a while, her soft sounds echoing in her brain and making her want more from her. So when Ella fell forwards, caging Alice between her arms as she rested them on the back of the couch, Alice took advantage of the skin she had right there to bruise.

Her choker stood perfectly in place still and that only encouraged Alice more. She started kissing her way down her neck and started her attack on her chest. Alice sucked love bites on Ella's tits, biting her nipples softly over the fabric of her dress and that only made Ella move faster on her thigh.

Ella got increasingly louder with the more sucking Alice did, and it turned into desperate whimpers when Alice found that spot right over her collarbone at the base of her neck that made her go absolutely insane.

The rhythm of her hips grew erratic and messy, Ella's moans falling straight into Alice's ear and she couldn't do anything else other than encourage her to reach her climax.

"That's it, good girl." Alice said against her neck, leaving a trail of pecks as Ella got louder, "Come on, baby, I wanna hear how good you sound when you cum."

Alice's hands went to grab harshly at Ella's ass, helping her with her movements and it was her touch along with her words of encouragement that had Ella tipping over the edge and trembling as she orgasmed on top of Alice.

The singer watched her in awe, taking a mental picture of her pretty face scrunching up in pleasure, continuing to help her shaky hips as she came down from her high.

Ella let her forehead drop on Alice's shoulder, her shallow breaths loud as she tried to get oxygen back in her lungs, her legs still shaking slightly besides Alice's thigh.

"You look so fucking pretty when you cum, baby." Alice started, leaving open mouthed kisses on the side of Ella's neck which was on show to her.

When Alice licked a bold stripe up her neck and started sucking right under her ear, Ella's breath hitched on her throat and that had her coming out of her trance.

She sat back up straight, dipping her head to give Alice a brief messy kiss and then saying, "Let's go to your room, Allie." as she carefully stood back up on wobbly legs and offered her hand for Alice to take.

Alice wasted no time, intertwining their fingers and dragging Ella towards her room.

Once inside, Ella quickly pushed Alice onto bed and dropped to her knees right in front of her. Alice felt herself grow breathless in anticipation, her cunt dripping at the sight of Ella so innocently staring up at her through her lashes.

But Ella wanted to tease her, so she got a hold of one of her legs and slowly took one of her red boots off, making sure to kiss from her ankle up to a few inches above her knee, really making it feel like she was going to her inner thighs but leaving right when Alice got her hopes up.

She repeated the process with the other leg, this time teasing her a bit more and licking her inner thigh up until she was close to the edge of her underwear.

Alice watched as Ella's head disappeared under her skirt, but whined when all she got was a couple of open mouthed kisses over her clothed core.

Ella pulled back to take Alice's fishnets off, so painfully slow that almost had Alice wanting to complain—she only didn't because she was enjoying Ella's methods, it turned her on impossibly more.

The American got on the bed then, straddling Alice and slowly pushing her backwards so she was fully laying on the bed. Alice cupped her jaw and brought her in for a kiss, another steamy one that had their breaths shaky in no time.

Their hips met once again, over and over, the friction so good that it made them stop kissing just so they could moan into each others' mouths. But Ella wanted Alice to cum under her first, just so she could also fully see how she came undone without being distracted by chasing her own high.

Ella's lips trailed down Alice's neck, slowly starting her attack on the singer's neck, leaving open mouth kisses and softly sucking her skin which earned her soft moans from Alice.

It was when she got to her clothed chest that Alice got louder, as Ella licked over the fabric on her nipples and then blew on the wet spot, sending surprising shocks of pleasure down Alice's spine.

"Ella, fuck–" Alice could barely mutter.

Ella did that for a minute, Alice felt like she was agonizing already and she was surprised at the confidence Ella had to tease her like that.

Soon, she started lifting Alice's top until it was off her and forgotten somewhere on the floor of the room.

Seeing Alice's nipple piercings made Ella moan as she bit her lip, "So fucking stunning, baby." She complimented before leaning in to suck her tits, purposely leaving her nipples abandoned to her touch.

Alice squirmed under her, and when Ella's fingertips started to ghost over her inner thighs up until they got to her cunt but never touched her like she wanted, Alice started rolling her hips as if that'd help her.

Chuckling, Ella kept her teasing going, this time abandoning Alice's legs to softly touch all over her chest and abdomen as her mouth stayed busy marking her up. And Alice could feel herself going insane when Ella's fingertips faintly rubbed on her pebbled nipples, feeling all the heat going down in between her legs.

Her breaths grew shallow when Ella took it a step further and used her fingers to pinch her nipples. Alice was whining in a high pitch, feeling a new type of pleasure that had her head spinning. And it only got more intense when, after kissing up the side of her neck, Ella found Alice's sweet spot right under her ear.

Mixing the feeling she got as Ella intently sucked on that spot she loved so much and the way her fingers kept pinching and twisting her nipples, Alice felt herself fastly reaching her orgasm.

Ella knew it, from the way she sounded and how ragged her breath had gotten. The more obvious sign was Alice's hand dropping between her legs to help alleviate some of her frustration in that very spot.

But Ella was quick to stop her, letting her skin alone with a pop and taking the hand she'd been using to play with Alice's nipples under her skirt.

Her left hand went to pick up the work she'd been doing and her right one dipped right into her cunt, pushing Alice's underwear to the side.

"Needed me right here?" She teasingly asked her with a massive smirk on her face.

Alice's face contorted in pleasure at the feeling of Ella's fingers filling her up and curling inside her. "Yes– Ella, baby–"

She continued pumping her fingers in and out of her, her thumb rubbing her clit as well and her other hand still playing with her nipple.

"What is it Alice? What do you want, babe?" Ella's mouth opened slowly as she watched Alice quickly approaching her climax. So to help more, she changed her fingers for her mouth to suck on her nipple and that was enough to have Alice lose it.

"Oh fuck!" Alice cried in pleasure, "M'gonna cum, gonna cum!"

Ella hummed enthusiastically with her mouth still sucking Alice's tit, and the vibrations from that were the thing to push her to her orgasm.

Her fingers pumped in and out of her in a constant pace that she kept up until Alice couldn't take anymore and pushed her hand out and away from her cunt.

Ella let go of her tit with a pop, smiling down at a dazed Alice who was trying to get her breath back, and the little she had managed was taken away once more when Ella brought her hand up and licked her fingers clean.

Humming in pleasure, Ella felt herself clenching around nothing as the taste of Alice's arousal fell on her tongue, "You taste so damn good."

At that Alice wrapped her hand around Ella's neck and pulled her down to kiss her. She moaned, tasting herself on Ella's tongue, already thinking about the infinite ways she wanted to have her.

It was a brief kiss because of how breathless Alice was, but Ella took the chance to gather more of Alice's cum on her fingers and bring it up to her lips again. Once again she moaned as she wrapped her lips around her own fingers and tasted Alice on her tongue.

Alice watched it all in adoration, in complete awe of just how erotic it all was. Her mouth went dry when Ella dipped her fingers back down to gather more of her slick but this time telling her to, "Open up." so she could taste herself.

And how could she just not oblige when Ella was looking at her with those hungry eyes. So Alice wrapped her lips around her fingers and sucked them clean eagerly, moaning around them to then release them with a pop.

That made something in them unleash, desperately kissing again as they got rid of their other clothes. They both stood up from the bed and while Alice shed herself off her skirt and underwear, Ella took off her dress along with her bra and thong.

"Keep the collar on. I love seeing you branded as mine." Alice said, eye fucking Ella as she stood so perfectly naked in front of her.

The comment had gone straight in between Ella's legs so she basically threw herself at Alice, both of them falling back on the bed with shrieks that turned into giggles that they swallowed into a kiss.

Maybe if they hadn't laughed so loud, they could've caught the sound of the next door neighbor arriving home.

Alex had slammed his front door closed, dropped his keys on the little table he had by the entrance and toed his shoes off. He was drunk and knackered, already dreading the fact that he'd had to come home earlier than expected because his mind was too distracted to focus on the rest of the group, growing too bored of hearing their chatter and of mindlessly drinking so he felt the urge to leave.

In retrospect, he probably should've walked home just so he could waste more time and avoid hearing anything, but he had been truly just craving his bed and unfortunately his cab had taken way less than anticipated.

He was glad to hear absolute silence once he got to his room, wishfully thinking that Ella wasn't enjoying whatever Alice was doing and therefore it was all completely silent but, as he took his own clothes to get in bed, on the other side of the wall something completely different was happening.

"I meant it when I said I wanted you to ride my face." Alice reminded her, making Ella's ache between her legs grow.

The girls wasted no time going further up the bed and getting comfortable. Alice started a devastatingly slow trail of love bites on the insides of her thighs, making Ella breathe shallowly in a matter of half a minute.

Another excruciatingly long minute went by, Ella feeling every bruise that Alice was leaving in her wake, before she could finally ask her to go where she needed her. "Allie, baby, please– I need you."

The British woman smiled hearing her plead, "Come here then Ellie." She encouraged, and Ella didn't need to be told twice.

She slowly came down to have her cunt hover over Alice's mouth and a loud moan left her throat when Alice licked from her entrance to her clit and then sucked it harshly, making her see stars.

"Alice!"

That noise had made Alex freeze one foot away from his bed. He stayed there for a minute, trying to sharpen his hearing to see if it was real or he was imagining it but his questions were answered when he heard the unmistakable voice of the girl he fancied screaming the name of the girl he hated.

"Oh fuck! Alice!" Ella cried out, Alice fucking her with her tongue as she very quickly rubbed on her clit was making her go absolutely insane.

A minute later Alice changed her tongue for her fingers, seeing how Ella was practically dripping all over her face, being able to easily fit three inside Ella and then letting her mouth give her clit all the attention.

Ella's right hand quickly tangled in Alice's hair, pushing her closer to her center and tightly pulling at it encouragingly, her hips moving erratically on Alice's face and the whole thing had Alice humming in pleasure—Ella shaking over her as she got closer to her orgasm.

It only took Alice's fingers going faster and sucking harder on her clit for Ella to fall forward to grab a hold of the headboard as her legs trembled beside Alice's head.

Ella loudly moaned Alice's name like a chant, followed by profanities that were barely understandable as her orgasm left her completely breathless.

Alex's mouth and throat was dry, all he could feel was pure jealousy and himself growing hard in his boxers as he sat there on his bed with his back leant against his headboard.

He wished he could be the one hearing all that in his ear and not through the bloody walls. He wanted to be the one making Ella fall apart under him, yet he had to know it was Alice doing that.

His blood was boiling out of rage, his body extremely hot from how turned on he was thinking about the whole situation. But he'd have to be strong this time, so he let himself close his eyes and ignore the way he was dying for some release.

That didn't work though, not when his eyes stayed open as he stared at the darkness in his room and minutes later was startled by another round of moans from the girls.

Alice was already overly sensitive, only slowly recovering from her last orgasm, when Ella had cum all over her face. Watching Ella come undone on top of her had Alice clenching her thighs together, it had been such a pornographic view that had her wishing somehow she could replay it second by second, over and over in the future.

Not wanting to waste any of Ella's sweet taste, Alice had lapped at every bit of her arousal she could get, making an overstimulated Ella cry out as her tongue continued working on her cunt.

She only stopped when her whines got louder and Ella desperately shifted to go back down and straddle Alice again, "Jesus fucking Christ," She watched her slick all over Alice's chin and neck so she just couldn't help but lick it all up for her and then catch Alice's lips in a hot kiss.

It wasn't the long kiss Alice had wanted it to be, because Ella desperately wanted more of Alice and she just couldn't wait longer. So she kissed down Alice's body, making sure to suck more bruises on her skin and enjoying every sound the singer made under her.

But Ella just needed to have a taste of her again, so in no time she dove between Alice's legs and started eating her out.

Alice's back arched off the bed in pleasure. Her center had been aching from just watching Ella that the feeling of her tongue flicking at her clit and lapping at her entrance had Alice not able to control her whimpers.

"Ellie, oh my–" She shivered as she grabbed a hold of Ella's hair and pulled on it tightly as she fisted it to bring her closer to her cunt.

Feeling Alice so desperate already made Ella the more needy to make her cum hard so she went up to Alice's clit and wrapped her lips around it to suck on it as she moaned into her.

The sucking and the vibrations made Alice's legs shake and instinctively close around Ella's head.

That had Ella smirking to herself, changing her mouth to use two of her fingers to quickly rub at the singer's clit and making sure to lick all of the arousal that had wet the top of Alice's inner thighs.

Ella made sure to look up to see Alice's face, and that was just a portrait she wished she would have captured with her camera. Sweat was making her face shine and her makeup the slightest bit messy, her cheeks and chest were flushed, chest heaving and littered with bruises that were already darkening.

She was proud of her work so she went back to finish her task, but when she let her eyes drop again to Alice's cunt and saw how she was clenching around nothing, Ella groaned.

"Where are your toys Allie?" Ella asked, knowing there was no way she wouldn't have a wide variety of them.

Alice couldn't answer, not when Ella kept quickly rubbing on her clit so when Ella realized that and stopped, Alice whined in complaint before answering, "Second drawer, over there."

A satisfactory smirk appeared on Ella's face when she opened the drawer and she was met with being right about her suspicions. She tried making a quick decision but there were many toys to choose from and she was feeling indecisive.

That was until she heard Alice mewl in the background and when Ella turned to see her, she was playing with herself. Ella couldn't even find it in herself to warn Alice not to continue doing that because she just looked so fucking gorgeous desperately trying to reach her climax.

In a quick decision for a safe bet, Ella grabbed a dildo and made her way back to the bed.

Alice let her hand fall from her center and raised on her elbows to look at what Ella had chosen. Ella looked her right in the eye and brought the toy up to her lips, to spit on it and once it had dribbled down the length of it, she sank her mouth down on it.

Alice swore she died seeing her like that, as if she couldn't get any fucking hotter. And for a second a cursed thought ran through her mind, of how she'd love to watch her fuck someone else and if she was desperate enough for that show then she'd definitely choose her next door neighbor to be the third in the party.

Out of convenience, of course.

Ella broke her out of her trance when she kneeled on the bed between her legs and prompted them to open further. Bringing the toy to Alice's entrance and teasing the tip in and out of her.

"Baby, please–" Alice begged breathlessly, "Don't tease, Ellie, please."

Her wish was her command so Ella pushed it slowly inside Alice, letting her jaw drop as she watched it disappear inside her with ease. Alice moaned loudly at the stretch, which got easier when Ella's thumb came to rub soft circles on her clit.

"You always take it so well, don't you, gorgeous?" Ella started properly fucking her with the toy, slowly picking up the pace, "And here I thought you couldn't get more beautiful."

The 'thank you' Alice had wanted to say died down in her throat when Ella leaned back down and started sucking her clit again as she continued to use the dildo on her.

"Fuckkk– Ella!" Alice mewled as her back arched in pleasure. One of her hands went down to tangle on Ella's hair, while the other started playing with her own tits.

Alex tried his hardest to control himself but, at the end of the day, he was still human so his hand traveled down his boxers and he slowly started faintly touching himself.

He was well aware the one screaming was Alice but, as he closed his eyes, picturing what could be going on on the other side of the wall was driving him mad.

Alice bit her lip harshly, the pain feeling almost null compared to the heavy pleasure she was feeling, and the stronger the waves of pleasure came, the more she'd bite on her bottom lip.

Ella tutted when she noticed Alice going silent and stopped her sucking to scorn her, "Uh-uh, I want to hear you."

Alice was so focused on the tightening feeling in her belly that she barely heard her so Ella used her free hand to spank her clit, making her jump and drop her hand from Ella's head. Alice yelled from the sensation that pushed her closer to her orgasm and Ella smirked satisfied from it.

"You liked that? Yeah?" Teasingly asked Ella, rubbing slow circles on Alice's clit.

Alice hummed and it sounded almost like a purr, so Ella spanked her again and the gasp that Alice let out turned into such a sweet moan that had Ella needing to hear more of her like that.

Ella hoped the use of a choker meant more about Alice, so she brought up her right hand and wrapped it slowly around Alice's neck.

A massive smile broke on Ella's face when Alice made eye contact with her then only to let out a guttural moan and roll her eyes back in pleasure. So Ella tightened her hold, feeling Alice moan even more under her hand, and continued fucking her with the toy.

Wrapping his hand around his cock, Alex found himself already leaking precum and he groaned, applying a little more pressure around himself. Soft strokes was what he was relying on as he got harder in his hand to the sounds of the girls shagging. He was biting his lip, only letting out soft hums of satisfaction but when he heard Alice yell at Ella to go faster, he let himself moan out loud.

"I'm so close! Faster– faster, please!" Alice begged, feeling herself so close to reaching her high.

Ella listened to her straight away, letting her hand wrap even tighter around Alice's neck and picking up the pace with her left hand as she pounded into her with the dildo.

In no time, Alice's legs started shaking uncontrollably as she came with loud moans of Ella's name, 'baby' and pure gibberish. Ella had her seeing stars as she kept pumping the toy in and out of her with a slightly slower rhythm but kept her hand wrapped tight around her neck.

Alice was getting so overstimulated that she felt the tears pricking her eyes, her legs ached from how they wouldn't stop shaking and she felt like she was about to explode.

But that was exactly what Ella was looking for, so she took the dildo away to solely focus on her clit then, rubbing on it as fast as she could, wanting to see if she could do what Ella had in mind. Ella kept her relentless pace until Alice was cumming all over her again, squirting all over Ella and herself.

Alex died a little hearing how loud Alice had gotten, and thinking about what Ella could be doing for the singer to be almost screaming her name made him fail at trying to stay quiet. He picked up his pace, smearing the precum down to make it more comfortable for him and he fully just pictured them two in front of him, having fun as he watched.

He grew hotter hearing Alice's sounds continue until they ended in her choked up words asking Ella to stop.

"No more– Can't– Can't take more." Alice chanted over and over, making Ella loosen her hold on her neck and start rubbing Alice's thighs soothingly while leaving pecks on every inch of her skin.

Alice was gasping for air, absolutely mind blown by what had just happened and despite wanting to get rid of the mess as soon as possible, she had to show Ella the appreciation she deserved for all that.

"You..." She started, reaching out to get a hold of one of Ella's hands and pulling her up to her, "You are a fucking dream."

The singer attacked Ella's lips hungrily, and it was messy as she still was trying to catch her breath but that only made it better, because it was a clear sign that they were enjoying each other that much.

"That was so fucking hot, Allie." Ella said between kisses, having to hold herself back from going down on her again.

"You're skilled," Alice smirked, breaking the kiss and wrapping her hand around Ella's neck, "Only a few people have been able to make me do that."

Ella laughed, the noise vibrating under Alice's palm making her squeeze tighter and causing Ella to moan.

"As much as I love your hand around my neck, we need to clean this mess." Ella was quick to say, pecking Alice's lips in between words.

Alice agreed, trying to stand up along with Ella but she plopped back on bed when her legs were too weak to do it without help.

The American girl laughed as she offered her hand out for Alice to hold, which she appreciated and stood up slowly.

"I can take the duvet over to your washer while you clean up, if you want." Ella offered, pulling Alice in by the waist and rubbing circles on her lower back.

The singer leaned in to give her a soft kiss and nodded, "Okay. It's the last room at the end of the hallway." She pointed out the door and to the hallway on the other side of the flat.

With a kiss, Ella left Alice to get cleaned up in her ensuite whilst she balled up the duvet from the bed and walked to the laundry room.

It was good for Alex that they had left the room, because if they'd stayed then they would've definitely heard his grunts as he replayed all that he had heard like a broken record in his head as he continued to get himself off.

He was so close when he noticed the silence, and maybe it was that which had made him snap out of it. Realize what he was doing and just how wrong it was.

The next ten minutes were filled with an internal debate that had Alex wanting to pull his hair out of his head. One part of him told him that he'd done that before and why would it matter if he did now, so desperate for relief, and the other told him he should be a bigger person and learn to have better self control.

His inner monologue was rudely interrupted then, by a loud gasp and all Alex could do was let his head hang as the girls started back up again.

After going to the bathroom, Alice had made her way back into her room and seeing her drawer still open, she let herself choose what she was gonna use next on Ella.

The singer was tired but she needed one more from Ella, one more look at her face while she fell apart for her, one last taste of her sweetness.

So when Ella walked back into the bedroom, feeling so bare only wearing Alice's choker, and saw Alice standing there with a smirk and four things in her hand, she bit her lip already feeling herself getting flustered again.

"Thought we were going to bed." Ella blushed as she approached Alice, shy steps but eyes brave as they scanned her up and down with lust.

"I need you to cum for me one more time and then we can do whatever you want, baby." Alice raised her eyebrows, putting the things on the bed to turn around and pull Ella into her by her waist.

Ella hands came up to cup Alice's face, "How do you keep getting hotter by the fucking minute?"

Alice leaned in softly laughing, "I could ask you the same thing."

Kissing again, Alice walked Ella backwards until she was sitting on the edge of the bed and grabbed two of the items to start her plans.

Alice started making her way down, sucking down Ella's neck and chest—really enjoying her whines when she played harshly with her nipples—, leaving open mouthed kisses on her tummy and bruising more of her thighs.

By the time Alice came to where Ella wanted her most, she only got to feel the blow of her hot breath over her because Alice wanted to tease her this time, wanting to hear her truly desperate.

In her hands, the singer had two leather wrist to thigh cuffs, meaning that once they were on Ella, she'd have her legs up and wide open at Alice's mercy.

A few minutes later, that's how Ella ended up with her feet plated on the bed and her knees up, her wrists pressed on her thighs and her legs open to show her glistening cunt to Alice.

Her mouth watered at the sight, the need of having a taste of her before everything taking over and making her dip down to intently lick up and down her core.

The whole setting had Ella already whimpering, being so exposed to the singer made her shiver from lust and looking at the vibrator and the new dildo beside her was only making the ache between her legs grow.

The vibrator coming alive with its buzzing made Ella squirm in her place in anticipation, an action that Alice noticed, making her smirk.

"Are you ready, baby?" She crawled back to Ella with the white buzzing object in her hand.

"Mhm," Ella mewled, "Yes, Allie."

It was excruciatingly slow that Alice moved the vibrator down to Ella's cunt, so much so that when it finally came to meet her clit, Ella gasped loudly.

Like he'd come alive, Alex heard it and only was able to curse his poor luck for a few seconds, because when more moans that Ella was letting out came through the walls, he didn't have it in him to stop himself.

He fully spat on his hand this time, imagining Ella actually doing that to him and wrapped his hand around his length under his boxers.

He was getting harder the more he got to hear the sweet sounds Ella made and it was so much better than he could've ever pictured in his head all those times before. Nothing compared to the real thing. He couldn't imagine how fucking good they sounded falling in one's ear.

Alice had increased the intensity of the vibrator as she started sucking on the dildo she'd chosen for Ella. Getting it ready for her—not that she truly needed it though, because she was already dripping and messing the sheets.

When she pushed it inside her, Ella let out a chesty moan that was followed by the most earth delicious moans Alice had ever heard.

"Oh fuck! Al–!" She couldn't even finish Alice's name and that caused a reaction on the other side of the wall.

Alex would describe those moans as earth shattering. Hearing a clear moan of her saying his name had made him fully lose it. That 'Al' kept replaying in his head and in the background all the sounds she was letting out.

Without them knowing, the three of them were moaning almost in a harmony. If it wasn't for the loud buzz of the vibrator then they could've heard rather quietly Alex's low groans as he fucked his fist to the thought of Ella.

"Ella, darl– F–fuck–" He choked out, desperate to vividly picture her in bed with him.

But Ella's legs were trembling as Alice teased her by keeping the vibrator on her clit for a few seconds, taking the dildo away from her, and then taking the vibrator away to fuck her fast with the long toy.

It was agonizing, feeling so full one second with the ghost of the vibrations, to feeling empty and clenching around nothing as her clit got intensely stimulated.

"Baby I'm so fucking close!" Ella yelled desperately, a loud cry leaving her when Alice still took the dildo out and away from her.

Ella couldn't even touch herself to help, it was impossible for her to bring her hands up and tease her own nipples without pulling her legs all the way up—she was definitely not that flexible.

Alice was enjoying her desperation so much, it made her want to take it to another level. That's why she upped another level and dropped the dildo on the side to curl three fingers inside Ella, knowing that'd get her instantly.

"Fuck!" Ella screamed, feeling Alice hit that spot perfectly and her vision clouded because it was just too much along with the vibrator on its strongest level. "Right there! Right the– Al– Ah!"

And then it came crashing down on them.

Ella got whiplash from how strong her orgasm had reached her, her vision blinded as her legs shook and she squirted, feeling herself spasm around Alice's fingers.

Alex's quick motions pumped himself to an intense climax that had him cumming all over his chest. All he seemed to know was Ella's name, as that was the only thing that came out of his mouth as he came.

Alice was drenched in Ella's cum, as it had all splashed over her arm and chest and that was enough for her to match Ella's noises. She desperately reached for her face, to kiss her messily and feverishly.

After that, everyone disappeared into their bathrooms. Alice and Ella shared a shower while Alex stood alone under the waterfall.

Alex cleaned himself with the sounds replaying over and over in his mind. Alice and Ella got carried away and their shower ended with Alice cumming on Ella's fingers once more.

He had already been in bed for fifteen minutes trying to force himself to sleep when, on the other side, Ella and Alice came back into the room and discarded the dirty sheets for new ones to get some sleep.

The girls were giddy as they got under the fresh sheets and scooted closer until they were cuddled into each other. Alice's head nuzzled in Ella's neck with their legs tangled together and their arms wrapped around each other.

They were certainly aware of the next level of intimacy that meant but they couldn't be arsed, they were enjoying each other's company and they wouldn't keep themselves from it just because of how it may look like. Ella and Alice were both glad to be on the same page.

Alex, on the other hand, was dying inside just thinking about how he'd have to see Ella after all that and how he, no matter how hard he'd try, would never forget the night. 

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧

Alex thought he was dreaming when he heard Ella's soft moans reaching his ears. He squirmed in bed and continued to sleep when suddenly Alice's soft sounds came in to mix with Ella's.

He held his breath trying to gather his hazy mind, still attributing the noise to his imagination not having recovered yet from last night's events but then Alice loudly moaned Ella's name and Alex's eyes shot wide open.

Groaning in misery, Alex let his head fall back on the pillow and hid his face there begging in his head for it to be over soon.

His silent prayers weren't answered though, only a few minutes later—which had been painfully long, five minutes had felt like fifteen—the girls on the flat next door only seemed to be growing louder.

Alex stayed there sprawled over his bed with jealousy filling every cell of his body as he tried to focus on that awful poking in his chest to ignore how the noise was making his lower belly tingle and his dick to twitch in his boxers.

What had happened last night was a lapse of better judgment and he was trying now to hold onto every bit of self control he had left.

He had contemplated blasting music to drown it all but that'd give away the fact that he was in fact listening and he knew that if Ella found that out, she'd be mortified. So he suffered in silence for the next ten minutes, as they gasped for air and chanted each other's names accompanied by lots of profanities.

It was too painful, not only because his chest felt tight but he felt his body responding to it all subconsciously and he hated it, so once they got quiet he escaped to his ensuite.

The shower Alex took was freezing cold. He stood there, shivering under the waterfall for a while until he felt himself calm enough to be able to get out. His movements were slow as he got ready for the day, brushing his teeth and brushing his hair with his fingers, deciding to just let it air dry while he waited for Ella.

Choosing something from his wardrobe had been painfully slow because he was sure he could hear faint noises coming through the walls again and trying to find out if they weren't just the ghosts of what he'd heard earlier kept distracting him.

That was until the high pitch whines came loudly through the walls to knock all the air out of his lungs, like a punch to the gut.

Pulling up his trousers quickly, Alex almost ran out of his room and it seemed like the noise wanted to follow him as he heard all of it walking out of his bedroom.

The singer could breathe again when he got to the kitchen, the noises long lost in the hallway and it seemed like they had stopped because even if he'd left the door open, he couldn't listen to them anymore.

There was only so much Alex could take anymore so he decided to ignore it all despite one part of him begging to pay attention and give into his carnal desires.

This day was meant for him to accompany Ella to buy a dress for the wedding since she hadn't had the time for it back in LA, and not only that but she'd thought it'd be better to buy one in London rather than being worried about the gown being ruined from having to be cramped up inside her suitcase.

Alex had agreed with her when they videocalled a few days before her flight and he promised her that he'd be taking her to buy her dress. He was excited for it, the prospect of spending more time with her was always something that elated him but it being in a place he knew so well and she was so foreign to made it the more special.

Now, after last night, Alex wasn't sure when it would happen but like he had promised himself merely a minute ago, he would ignore it all and act like nothing had happened so with hope that she'd be coming over to his in a bit, he started making breakfast. For himself and for Ella.

He was softly singing under his breath as he cooked some sausage, serving two plates and then he moved onto making some scrambled eggs. The only thing that could be heard then was the sizzling of the eggs cooking on the pan, but after he finished them and served them, the silence that overcame him became dangerous for it gave way for the now loud again noises from the girls to creep up through the hall and softly reaching his ears.

Alex stopped as he turned with the two plates in hand, slowly bringing them down to place on the kitchen island, really unsure of how to feel anymore. He was just utterly confused at all the reactions his body was giving to the whole scenario.

Once again, he reminded himself to ignore it so he grabbed himself a fork and knife and started eating, his brain only trying to think about what was in front of him to not go absolutely insane.

But that only worked for so long because the girls, now getting closer to their climax, had started getting louder and more restless meaning their cries of pleasure were just filthy begs and it was making Alex's head short circuit.

Dropping the utensils on the countertop, Alex hunched over almost defeated. He was breathing heavily and in his mind praying for self control and patience. Since that wasn't working because the noises were making his breaths become more shallow, his hands came up to his head and his fingers tangled in his hair to pull on it with frustration.

He was going insane now, he really was.

And Alex thought it couldn't get worse than it already was, when he heard Ella clearly encourage Alice, "Cum for me, baby, c'mon." followed by a loud mewl.

He let his head drop on the cold surface of the kitchen island, fully defeated as his thoughts were spinning. A groan came from the deepest pit of his chest, one of pent up frustration that he knew he wouldn't pay attention to for his own sanity.

"Fuck my life." Alex muttered under his breath when he heard the girls clearly reaching her orgasms, hands holding onto the sides of the countertop like it was gonna ground him somehow.

He was almost scared to see Ella later, afraid that after all that he'd just ask to have her like he wanted to so badly. Every bit of his being was just aching to have her, and Alex didn't know if it would be the right time to play his chances.

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧

About an hour went by and it was surprisingly quiet after everything that had happened the night before and in the morning. That had been a relief to Alex who had gotten to finish his breakfast counting to a thousand multiple times to try and get his shit together again.

What he didn't know was that Ella and Alice had gone to make breakfast after that second round he had heard. They'd gotten decent first, going to the bathroom to freshen up and Alice lended Ella some clothes for her to leave with—Ella had shyly asked after seeing her chest and neck all marked up on show with the low neckline her dress had.

Ella walked through Alice's kitchen with gray joggers and a 'My Mind Makes Noises' jumper on. The singer watched her in awe through the corner of her eye as she grabbed some mugs to make some coffee for the both of them.

"You look amazing in that." Alice threw the compliment out as she focused on frying some eggs, pieces of bread toasting on the little oven by the stove.

Ella looked down at herself and her new outfit, "I'll give it a listen tonight."

Alice smirked at that promise, "Hope you enjoy it, baby."

Ella walked up behind the singer as the Keurig made their coffees, wrapping an arm around her waist and said into her ear, "It's you singing so I definitely will." Alice bit her lip at Ella's actions, a little harder when Ella left her with a squeeze of her ass and a kiss on her neck.

The British girl was fast making breakfast, almost done at the same time as Ella had placed the coffee on the counter and got utensils for them to use.

"Do you want me to drop you off at Alex's?" Alice asked Ella casually, placing a plate right in front of her as she sat on one of the tall chairs.

Ella was truly confused at the sudden question as she was completely unaware of Alice and Alex's housing situation. "Huh?"

"Are you going to Alex's?" Alice changed her inquiry slightly this time, walking over to sit next to her.

Ella watched as Alice took her seat and ripped a bit of her toast to dip on the runny yolk of the fried egg, "Not now... I'm going back to the hotel first."

"Oh well." The singer shrugged nonchalantly, "He lives next door, that's why I'm asking."

"What?" Ella's face went pale, looking at Alice with wide eyes like it was her worst nightmare come true.

Alice chuckled looking at her face, "He lives next door... I thought I told you."

And Ella shook her head with a frown to remark that Alice in fact hadn't told her, "Fucking hell." She cursed under her breath, flashbacks of the night before and this morning coming to the forefront of her mind and she felt herself burning up from head to toe.

"What's wrong baby? You've gone all red." Alice teased, one of her hands resting over Ella's thigh, where Alice now knew she had her 'Divine feminine' tattoo and squeezed slightly.

Ella squirmed a bit under her touch, her cheeks growing even hotter. "Do you think he heard us?" She genuinely felt like she'd die if he had, because it had already been embarrassing that he knew she'd gone home with someone but him hearing her was making her burn inside and out.

Will this ruin things? Will this make things awkward? She had no idea but now she was spiraling about it all and she just couldn't help but think about every little thing this situation would entail.

Alice being so calm about it was what brought her back from her thoughts, "I couldn't care less to be fair."

"Fuck..." Ella mumbled, staring at her plate with a shocked expression.

"I mean," Alice squeezed her thigh once more and when Ella turned to look at her, she brushed a strand of her hair behind her ear. "If he did, he's lucky 'cause I don't think I'll ever want to hear anybody else now."

Ella blushed under her gaze, still feeling so affected by the way the singer would smirk at her. "Stop." She brought one of her hands to cool down her cheeks, Alice's smirk getting bigger at that.

"I love it when you go all blushy on me." Alice remarked and then she leaned in to kiss Ella one more time, which the American girl welcomed with a smile.

After the brief soft kiss they shared, the girls went back to eating breakfast and they made small talk about what they were doing in their current jobs, getting to know each other a little bit better. Alice had heard all about Ella's aspirations and Ella had listened to everything Alice had been getting inspired from for her next record.

Without really noticing, an hour had gone by, and when Ella noticed it was about to be noon, she told Alice she had to leave.

They were both gutted to know this was the end of it but Alice a bit more, especially by knowing that Ella would be going to Alex and he'd be the one to spend time with her for the rest of her stay in the UK.

After having loaded everything in the dishwasher, Alice walked over to Ella and pulled her into her by her waist, "Remind me why you can't stay," The singer brushed a strand of hair behind Ella's ear and with her gaze taking in all of Ella's features, she bit her lip at the memories of all that had happened in the past twelve hours. "I wanna fuck you all day."

Ella grinned at Alice with her cheeks heating up, she could tell Alice was being completely honest and that was one of the things that she liked about her because it gave her the confidence to say "I would love that." back to her, which was exactly what she was feeling.

It was hard to compare how honest she could be with Alice than how cowardly she felt even admitting to herself anything to do with Alex, because with Alice it was something casual and it was always easy with girls, but Ella knew deep inside her that Alex wasn't meant to be a casual thing to her. It was either all in with Alex or nothing. But that would only happen in her dreams, she'd much rather keep him as her best friend than try to become more again and it ending poorly like it had before.

In another life, if Ella hadn't been hung up on Alex already, then she would've tried to pursue whatever had started with Alice, because Alice was lovely and funny, and she was the type of girl anyone would be lucky to have in their lives.

The American girl smiled, bringing one of her hands up to cup Alice's jaw softly, "But I need to get a dress for the wedding."

"Can't you do it some other day?" Alice pouted, it was playful as she tried to see if there was any chance Ella would change her plans.

But Ella didn't budge because she really needed to get the dress, "Wedding's in three days and today's the only day we've got no plans."

Seeing how Alice's pout stayed on her face, Ella brought her in for a kiss. A slow one that just felt like it settled it all, a silent thank you and a goodbye.

They savored every second of it, trying to enjoy the time they'd shared until the very last moment. Alice hummed against Ella's lips before pulling back. "Don't go back to the States without saying goodbye, alright?" Her thumb rubbed soft circles on Ella's cheek.

"Promise." Ella replied with a sweet smile and pecked Alice's lips one last time before stepping out of Alice's hold to get her things which were merely her phone and the dress she'd worn last night.

With the dress draped over her arm and her phone being pocketed in her coat she had just put on, she made her way to Alice's front door. Alice was already standing by the door, watching Ella's slow steps with a smirk. She was glad Ella also didn't want it all to end.

When Ella got beside her, Alice softly opened the door but stopped Ella with a hand on her wrist before she could go out to the hallway. "Don't forget I'm always a text or a phone call away." And this time now walking up to her and getting a look of the empty hallway that led to the rest of the flats, including Alex's, Alice added pointing at the door that was his, "A door away as well."

Ella blushed when Alice winked at her right after that and nodded, "Definitely noted."

"Bye Ella." Alice squeezed Ella's wrist softly and let go of her hold.

"Bye Allie." Ella said after one last look at Alice.

Ella walked into the hallway and walked over to what Alice had pointed to be Alex's door. She had expected Alice to close the door right after she left but, out of the corner of her eye, Ella could see Alice was there waiting to make sure she'd gotten inside Alex's flat.

Three knocks were left on the door and only a few seconds later, the door opened to reveal a smiley Alex.

"Hi, Al." Ella smiled brightly at him, hearing then the soft thud of Alice's door closing.

"Hi, darling." He greeted almost breathless, she looked stunning despite wearing Alice's merch and now it seemed like every time he'd look at her, the memories of the previous night and the early morning were going to haunt him. "How are you feeling?" He asked, letting her come in and closing the door behind him.

She sighed and very genuinely answered, "Tired and in a desperate need of another shower."

He tried biting his tongue about it all but his mouth played with him when he let out a "Reckon you enjoyed yourself then?" without meaning to.

Stopping in her tracks, she cursed through her teeth, "Oh, fuck–" And almost wincing, she turned to see him and ask, "Did you hear us?" She was begging he hadn't, because if he had then there was no way she could look him in the eye for at least a week.

"No, no." Alex shook his head and her soul came back to her body. He walked past her, and it was easier for him to lie when she wasn't seeing his face, "No– I, erm, I passed out right when I got home and only woke up a little ago."

"At what time did y'all leave?" Ella asked curiously, she didn't even know when it was that she had gotten to Alice's but the last time she'd seen the clock it had been a bit over three in the morning, and that had been before her and Alice got in the shower.

They got to the kitchen and she stood by the marble island, resting her belongings on one of his high chairs. Alex seemed entertained by what was on his kitchen stove, so she barely heard him recount very briefly the rest of the night, "Everyone left about fifteen minutes after you but I stayed for another hour or so."

She hummed trying to calculate at which point of the night that would've been and nodded once she gave up trying to come to a conclusion since all she was getting was flustered by the memories. "Right."

Wanting to change the subject as his brain was aggressively reminding him of the night before, he asked her, "Are you hungry?" turning to see her with a plate in his hand filled with the food he'd prepared.

Ella looked at him with her lips pressed together, hating having to turn him down by saying, "Alice made me some food actually..."

A small "Oh." fell from his lips, and he froze with the plate in hand before he could manage to form a proper sentence, "There's some more here if you want."

"That looks amazing," She admitted because it truly did and just because she felt bad for leaving him last night, she gave in and said, "Some more food is not gonna hurt anyone..."

Alex gave her a sweet smile when her words reached his ears and placed her plate right in front of her, quickly getting her utensils to eat with. As she had before, Ella enjoyed the meal he had prepared and wasn't shy to give him praise for it. It was really good so it wasn't long until she was done with it and she was calling Alex out for not letting her do the dishes.

"Stop it, I'll wash this quick and we can go to get the dress." were his last words on the matter and he took care of the task with a grin on his face seeing Ella let her arms fall by her sides in defeat.

"Okay but we need to go back to the hotel first though." She truly wanted to shower first, before she could even think of going out to try on clothes. "Can't go out shopping looking like this." Her hands waved briefly down her body to emphasize the state of her.

Drying the freshly washed dishes, he agreed, "Yeah, it screams 'walk of shame'." He quipped, snickering which earned him a roll of her eyes and an annoyed sigh.

Her response was a simple, "Idiot." as she shook her head. He laughed at her while he sorted his dishes back in the cabinets and once done, he dried his hands with a kitchen towel.

"Alright," He glanced around his kitchen to see where he'd left his phone, finding it and pocketing it, he looked back up at her and instructed, "Let's go then before the shops get too crowded and we don't find anything."

Alex had already been ready for the day so once Ella picked up her stuff from the high chair next to her, they left Alex's flat. And thankfully, his place wasn't far from her hotel so they got there in less than a fifteen minute walk.

Once inside her room, she left all that she was carrying sprawled over her bed, really not caring for the mess at the minute as she just wanted to freshen up. The singer found comfort in lying on the bed as well, his head resting on the pillows.

He watched her as she yawned behind her hands before letting him know she was "Gonna take a quick shower now." adding a "If you don't mind." just to check if he had any other plans he had to get to.

But Alex shook his head with a blissed expression at the soft pillows under his head and the silence in the room. "Absolutely not, go ahead." He replied with a soft smile on his face that she gave him back.

Before she left for the ensuite, she wanted his advice, "What should I wear?" Crouching down, she opened her suitcase and was met with multiple articles of clothing all rolled up, "Needs to be easy to put on and take off since I'm gonna be trying shit on all day."

His eyes were closing but his mind was still with her in conversation so trying to be helpful, he thought about it for a few seconds and came to the answer being, "A skirt?"

He hadn't sounded so sure but she nodded in agreement, "Oh, yes. And with a sweater so I'm not freezing to death." It had been quite cold as they walked back, and she was certainly grateful Alice's clothes were quite thick and cozy.

Alex only hummed in response and she took out the clothes from her case, trying to be the quickest she could be as it was already about to be eleven in the morning.

"Okay, I'll be right back." She informed and in his hazy mind, Alex managed to nod.

The water pattering on the floor of the shower lulled Alex to sleep, Ella took her time to shower and pamper herself after what certainly felt like a very long weekend, slowly putting her clothes on. And once she had dressed herself, despite the loud noise even with the door closed, the hair dryer she used didn't manage to wake him up.

When she left the wet room, she walked into the small hallway that connected it to the room which had a floor to ceiling mirror that showed her reflection back to her and the sight made her gasp.

That was enough to wake Alex up then, blinking multiple times he was able to get himself the slightest bit awake to ask, "What's wrong?"

The answer Ella gave flew straight past him as she let out a low whistle and said, "Fucking hell, it's gonna be really awkward trying on dresses today." and continued to watch herself in the mirror.

"What was that?" Alex inquired again, his brain not being able to process what she'd said just yet.

But when she walked back into the room and stood in front of him, she reiterated in a different sentence, "The skirt is not gonna do..." and that was what made him look down to her bottom half to see what she meant.

Her inner thighs were littered in purple marks and the view alone made his eyes shoot open, "Holy shit, Ella." He cursed loudly, his jaw dropping more the more she showed him the insides of her thighs a bit better.

She looked down at the lovebites and chuckled to herself, feeling her cheeks heating up, "Yeah, I know."

"What the fuck?!" He cursed out loud again, his brows furrowed.

"She's a little vampire." Ella joked trying to make the situation a bit less awkward, because he seemed really taken aback by it.

What she wasn't expecting was for him to start saying, "I'll have a chat with her when I get ho–"

She stopped him before he could continue with a firm, "No, you're not."

"But she–" The singer tried to fight, yet Ella wouldn't have it.

Shaking her head and with her cheeks tinting up redder, she admitted, "Alex, I loved it when she was marking me up so there's absolutely nothing to complain about here."

Ignoring the way that statement had felt like a knife to the chest, he gave another argument to back himself, "Well she needs to learn to control herself."

Sighing, she pursed her lips and added, "I'm pretty sure I left her looking the same or maybe worse." so he could stop with his need to cause a fight between himself and the girl.

"Fuck." He cursed through his teeth, hiding his closed eyes behind his hands like he was in pain.

Ella tried to get answers then, ones that she hadn't managed out of Alice, "I still don't get why you don't like her, she's one of the sweetest girls I've ever met." And she truly meant it. In her head if she got along well with Alice then there was no reason for Alex not to get along with her.

Alex wasn't help at all for Ella to try to solve the mystery because he only shrugged and meekly answered with, "Maybe you're biased because you've fucked her."

Without missing a beat, Ella replied in the same tone, "In that case, maybe you need to fuck her too." She had been guilty of picturing the scenario of the three of them in bed the night before, when the thought of him flashed in the forefront of her mind in a moment of pure ecstasy.

"Eleanor." Alex warned with a firm voice, his face stoic as he stared at her like he was begging her to be joking.

"Alexander." Ella copied with the same tone but a smirk tugging at the corner of her lips as his anger was becoming amusing to her.

"Don't ever say that again." The singer warned, as if it had been the single worst most awful thing someone could've ever told him.

"What?" Ella threw her arms up defensively, "She's good." Her cheeks warmed again and the sight made Alex sigh exasperatedly.

"Just find something to wear and let's go already." He was growing impatient and he wanted the view of the love bites Alice had left gone for they made a bitter taste rise up his throat and coat his mouth with it.

She chuckled and playfully rolled her eyes, "Whatever you say boss."

He let out an involuntary snort at her remark, unable to not react to her, "Shush you dickhead."

Going back to her suitcase, Ella ended up picking up a long brown wool skirt that reached her ankles and went to the bathroom to change into it. Her white sweater stayed on and over it came her long brown trench coat.

After quickly tying her converse on, they left her hotel room and went straight to Harrods where Alex said he knew she would find something. 

She had scolded him when they stepped out of the taxi and the first store she saw was Valentino with a couple stunning dresses she could wish to buy on a random afternoon. He only laughed and reminded her that it was a dress for the wedding and that she was allowed to spend her money on it if she ended up loving it—not that he was going to let her buy it but she didn't need to know that—so with that mindset they began to look for it.

It was a hit or miss in the many stores they had visited, the first few she had been far too wary of the cost of the pieces and by the time she had convinced herself it was okay, she hadn't found anything she was completely set on for her to spend an obnoxious amount of money on.

That was until they stumbled into a boutique that gathered many designer clothes into one place and the dresses she had caught through the window looked to die for.

When they went in, a lovely woman called Rose greeted them by the door and took them inside while asking a bunch of questions so that she knew what the pair were looking for. Once Ella told her she was looking for a dress to wear to a friend's wedding, Rose effortlessly guided them to the ones she knew would be wedding appropriate and that Ella might like.

From the looks of them, Ella chose a few to try on and Rose guided her and Alex into a private changing room. Thankfully, inside was a curtain that separated the actual changing room with the small lounge area in which Alex would be waiting.

Taking her time as she slowly put the different pieces on, Ella tried on the first three dresses she had chosen but none of them had her swooning. Alex on the other hand found himself at a loss of words and oxygen every time she drew back the curtain and stepped out in a different gown.

The first one had been a champagne off the shoulder dress with a slit on the side that showed her right leg perfectly, but it was exactly that which made her discard it. The second was a strapless plum dress which had a beautiful mermaid silhouette but it was just that which made her struggle to walk, plus the top kept falling down so she had to hold it up when she walked out to keep it in place. The third was a black one shoulder dress made of tulle which made it puffy and she truly felt like a princess with it but it was far too big for her to be comfortable in it all day at the wedding, she had been already sweating figuring out how to put it on.

The fourth one was a deep red low v neck dress which cinched at the waist and from there draped down a lovely flowy train. It looked amazing on her, it was light and the shape of it was beautiful and flattering but she found herself pursing her lips at her reflection which showed her fully exposed and very marked chest. Her tits looked great hugged perfectly by the fabric but the love bites littering her skin had her trying not to laugh at herself for caring so little about it the night before when she had a wedding to go to in a few days.

At least she was grateful it didn't have a leg slit for her bruised thighs to show and with amusement clear on her face she walked out, "Well this is not gonna do, is it?"

It was a rhetorical question, she already had seen the annoyance in Alex's eyes that he knew Alice had left those and a part of her was hoping it was the product of jealousy, but thinking of it like that would hurt her if she found out that wasn't the reality so she had been pushing the thought away.

Before Alex could compliment her on how stunning she looked, there was a knock on the door of their private room that snapped Ella out of her thoughts. She was well aware of her marks so she tried to escape back behind the curtain before anyone could walk in but Rose beat her clumsy steps as she came into the room right when Ella was only managing to turn around.

"How are you liking them?" The woman asked enthusiastically and when she saw Ella's figure being hugged by the red fabric, she just had to say, "Oh let me see that one!"

Ella winced at her tone because it was so sweet and genuinely excited to see her wearing the dress so she just couldn't say no. Bad time to be a people pleaser, she scorned herself before slowly turning back around so she could face Alex and Rose.

The loud gasp Rose let out was enough for Ella to hide her face behind her hands, feeling her cheeks burning under her fingers, and Alex to laugh out loud. The singer watched as Rose all but counted the bruises on her skin and then switched her surprised expression for a teasing grin, "You're gonna have a good time covering all those up."

Hearing the smirk on Rose's voice, Ella shook her head still hiding behind her hands so the, "Oh my god, this is so embarrassing." she said came out muffled against the palms of her hands.

The woman directed her gaze to Alex then, completely unaware of the actual story behind them, "You went hard on her didn't you?"

Ella dropped her hands, ready to correct her but she only managed a, "He d–" when Alex interrupted, being a bit louder than her as he said, "I did but I'll help her get rid of them later." He looked so smug with a hand on his chin and a smirk on his face, it made Ella lock her jaw because if she didn't it would've dropped.

Rose giggled at the pair, "That's gonna be lots of ice you'll use." But once again, Ella's real explanation was stuck in her throat as the woman beat her to it, but luckily changed the topic of the conversation, "How did you like the ones you've already tried on?"

"This one was too big." She pointed at the second one she'd tried after clearing her throat, and very truthfully admitted her opinion about the other three, "And the other ones I just don't feel like I love them."

Rose hummed completely understanding her, "This one looks stunning on you though. But I feel like–" She cut herself off to have a small think and after a few seconds of staring at Ella's silhouette, a spark lit up in her brain, "Okay wait, I know just the one to bring you. I'll be right back."

Ella barely managed to say, "Thank you!" to her when Rose walked out of the room, but when the door closed behind her, she instantly turned to Alex to scold him.

"Why would you say that?!" Her mind was in a mush, she was so embarrassed but seeing him so proudly admit to that was making her head spin.

Her thoughts were stopped abruptly when the singer shrugged and raised a brow to set his argument down, "Would you prefer to explain how someone else did all that whilst you're out with me buying a dress for a wedding that you told her we're going to together?"

Ella didn't know why she felt so defeated and recognising that reaction from herself made her feel pathetic. She tried to hide it as best as she could, turning around to go back behind the curtain and look at herself in the mirror again, "Well if you put it that way." She replied, brushing her hands down the smooth fabric of the gown she had on.

"Saved you the awkwardness." Alex added proudly, eyebrows raised as if telling her he had been the one to make the situation better.

But Ella poked her head out the changing room and with a frown, she whisper-shouted, "It's still awkward!"

He giggled at how mortified she looked, it was so funny to him that she'd react like that when she had no need to. "You are making it awkward, she was joking about it."

"My face is burning." Her hands came up to cup her red cheeks, sighing at the cold of her fingers against her face.

"Wouldn't be the first time today, darling." He retorted playfully, and that earned him a lovely middle finger peeking through the side of the curtain which had him laughing out loud.

A few minutes later, in which Alex had been lost in his phone and Ella had been lost in her thoughts, Rose knocked on the door again with a stunning blue gown hanging on her arms.

"I think you'll like this one, but I'll keep looking for some more." The woman said handing Ella the piece of clothing and once the American girl had thanked her for it, she left the room again.

The dress was heavy in her arms but it felt fresh and it had the prettiest floral detailing embroidered with the same color of the gown so it looked more like texture than a pattern. It had spaghetti straps and a delicate scoop neck, what she wasn't sure about was the excess fabric on the back of it so without wasting more time, she went back behind the curtain.

A minute went by, Alex impatiently waiting for her to come out because she had gasped a few seconds before. He was about to ask what it was that she was gasping about when she let out an excited, "Oh sweets I think this one's it."

With his knee bouncing up and down, he bit his bottom lip before saying, "Let me see."

Alex was met with silence for another half minute and when he called her name, she only answered with a quiet, "Wait a second."

But he wasn't feeling that patience anymore, so very eager to see her, he instructed her, "Come on out already, you can't say that and then leave me hanging."

Ella's voice came out struggling as she replied, "It's only been less than a minute and I'm trying to fix the back but I can't reach it."

Knowing that he only itched more for her to come out, so he offered, "Come out and I'll help." Not without adding a "Hurry." at the end.

"You're really impatient." She sighed defeated as she couldn't get the extra fabric out when it was stuck right on her lower back where the zipper was. Taking him up on his words, she came out from behind the curtain, mindful of her every step to not step on the bottom of the dress, "What do you think?"

Alex choked on his words seeing her in that dress, his mouth opening and closing only letting out a "Wow." before he could gather his thoughts and finally say, "Darling you look gorgeous and that doesn't even cut it."

"Shut up." Ella rolled her eyes not wanting to take the compliment herself so she complimented the look of the gown, "It's pretty, isn't it?"

"It's beautiful." He agreed, nodding enthusiastically like a little kid, "You look stunning."

Ignoring the way his words made her stomach flip, she turned around to show him the back of it for it was her favorite part of the dress, "I'm obsessed with the back of it." And he was too, it was a backless dress so her back was on full show, the fabric sitting tightly on her lower back and the extra fabric draping lusciously around the low cut.

"Help me with this bit, it's stuck on the inside." She said and he knew exactly what she meant so reaching to untuck the fabric that had gotten stuck on her lower back, his fingers grazed her skin and she shivered under his touch.

A low, breathless, "There we go." fell from his lips, entirely satisfied by her reaction to his touch.

She hated that she had so obviously reacted so her "Thanks." came out choked.

Walking a few steps back to the changing room, she fully opened the curtain so she could see herself in the mirror without having to go back in and she turned slightly to see how the dress looked from different angles. "So... this one?"

"You're the one who decides that darling, you looked stunning in all of them but this one's just... wow." Alex was truly at a loss for words, she was effortlessly stunning. Her hair had been put up in a quick bun so there were many strands sticking out of it but she looked beautiful with her messy hair and she was walking around in her long gray socks which she had laughed about how they looked when she lifted the bottom of the dresses up to walk.

Alex grew mesmerized by her everyday it seemed like and it was something that surprised him. He didn't want to think too much about it, scared of messing something up and hurting her like he had in the past. He just had to live only being friends with her. Best friends. He'd rather have that than absolutely nothing, he loved her too much to let go of her that easily.

Rose's knuckles thudding against the wooden door interrupted his thoughts and when she came in and saw Ella practically beaming in the dress, she smiled and nodded in approval.

"I love this one." Ella confessed, giddy about having found the perfect dress for the wedding.

Rose was proud of her vision, "I knew it. That was just the right one."

So the American girl walked up to her and gave her a tight hug, "Thank you, it's truly perfect." She said into the woman's ear, letting her go after a soft squeeze.

Alex was entranced by her beauty and her kindness, but he was brought back when Rose turned to him and tauntingly asked him, "What do we think, Mr Dracula?"

"Think she looks absolutely breathtaking." He answered genuinely, the biggest smile on his face as his gaze went up and down Ella again.

"At least you didn't attack her back." Rose chatted back, seeing Ella's fortunately love bite free bare back in the reflection of the mirror.

The singer was feeling very smug about Rose thinking it was all him so playing more into the situation, he cheekily replied, "We shall see about that."

Which earned him a firm "Alex!" from Ella, one accompanied by her wide eyes at his confidence to just say that in front of the woman.

But Rose laughed hard at that, patting Alex's shoulder as she got some air back into her lungs, "Oh I love you two," she stated before inhaling deeply to completely regain her posture. When she straightened back, the woman turned to Alex and kindly inquired, "Want me to ring you up while she changes?"

Ella was about to say no because she wasn't going to allow Alex to buy her the dress but he practically jumped to his feet as he said, "Yes, I'll go with you and she can change."

Rose nodded and exited the room, completely unaware of the hard glare she was giving Alex who was pretty much ignoring it as he got his phone from the coffee table beside the loveseat he had been sitting on.

"Alexander." Ella started with her voice firm to try and get him to look at her.

But when he turned, a mischievous grin was adorning his face, and when he replied, "Eleanor." in a playful tone, she knew whatever she'd say would fly right over his head.

"Don't." She warned with a serious face, her hands already frantically trying to undo the zipper of the dress so she could quickly change and beat him to it.

He played dumb first, asking a silly, "What?"

She wasn't having it so trying to remind him of what they had talked about before she came, she said, "What did I tell you?"

There had been many occasions in which he had suggested taking her to many places and when she had jokingly said 'well you'll let me pay this time right?', he had swiftly averted the question and continued with listing his plans. So she had made sure to remind him every other time that when she came to visit, he wouldn't be allowed to spend money on her. That had been broken already when he showed her around London and she had been determined to not let it happen again.

But her reminder didn't work because Alex continued playing dumb about it, this time taunting her by saying, "I don't really remember right now darling, head's scrambled by the view." Giving her a wink before he stepped closer to the door.

She took a step forward to reach out to him, getting a hold of his wrist, "Told you I would–"

Alex interrupted her before she could repeat what he clearly remembered she had said many times before. "I really have to follow her 'cause it'd be rude to make her wait." He wasn't gonna listen to her in this one, not when he had the means to make her happy gifting her the dress she'd loved.

The singer took another step with her hand still clasped around his wrist and she quickly caught up right behind him. "Alexander David Turner." She said through her teeth when he didn't stop and had a foot out the room.

Knowing he had won already by being out of the private room, he smirked and pointed out with a tut, "Eleanor Hayes you can't leave the fitting room with the dress on."

Ella pursed her lips, exhaling through her nose completely frustrated, "I'm gonna fight you."

He was enjoying seeing her like this way too much. "Would love to see you try." He dared, taking advantage of her hold to pull her in by her forearm and leaving a quick peck on her temple.

"Have fun!" He said with exaggerated enthusiasm, leaving her all flustered and annoyed, still wearing the dress.

She had been huffing around while changing back to her clothes and when she came out of the changing room with a frown and the chosen dress in hand, Alex had the opposite expression on his face.

Rose took the garment from her with the sweetest smile which made Ella feel guilty for her lack of one so trying to make herself look at the positive outcome of it all, she smiled back as the woman packed it up in a perfect box with a bow tied around it and placed it in a bag.

Ella had been trying to keep up her act with Alex, thanking him reluctantly at first and biting her tongue to give him the cold shoulder as they walked out of the shop and back onto the streets of London.

But that had only lasted so long when he pulled her in by the waist and pressed a bunch of kisses on her cheek.

"Oh c'mon darling, don't be angry. I wanted to buy it for you." Alex defended himself quickly, his eyes trying to look for hers but she was forcing herself not to look at him.

Her gaze stayed ahead as they walked a few more steps but he wasn't gonna have her silence any longer so he stopped in his tracks, forcing her to stop with him and turning her around so her front was pressed against his.

"Are you not gonna talk to me now?" He pouted and when her eyes flew up to the sky, he cupped her jaw to make her look at him.

There was nothing aggressive about his touch, it was how delicate his fingers were on her skin and his gentle gaze on her that made her slowly melt in his arms.

"You just don't listen." She started with a defeated sigh, "I didn't want you to spend money on me again."

He thought about it then, something to say to twist her arm, "Can't this be your very late birthday gift?"

"You gave me a ticket back home." Ella reminded him with an eyebrow raised.

"That was from all of us, this one is just mine." He negotiated, a hint of a smile tugging at the corner of his lips when he saw her face fall in slight amusement at the loophole he had managed to find.

"You're insufferable." She decided then, shaking her head at how proud he looked to have caught her with that.

"You love me." He fought back, the corner of his eyes crinkling the harder he smiled.

Humming, she gave in and agreed, "I unfortunately do." playfully trying to get that ego of his down.

He scoffed and it made her giggle, "I'm kidding." and throwing her arms around his shoulders, she added, "Thank you sweets, love you."

Leaning back, he looked down at her and left one last kiss on her cheek, squeezing her waist before letting go and once she was back beside him, they continued their walk back to the hotel.

A few minutes passed, people watching and talking about the upcoming big event. Their talk about Nick getting his tux with the lads brought him to pointing out a fact that made him warm inside.

"You know this is perfect." Alex vaguely started, trailing off long enough for Ella to ask what it was and with a tilt of his chin pointing to the bag which contained the dress she'd just gotten, he explained, "My suit is blue too."

Gasping, she turned to him, "Awh! We're gonna be matching!" Ella scrunched her nose at him, "How cringe, I love it."

Alex snorted at her response but agreed, "Matt's gonna take the piss out of us."

"Definitely, but I bet everyone will be matching with their plus one." She pointed out, wishfully thinking that it would be that easy to escape Matt's taunting.

He hoped that logic worked too and whilst they were on the subject of the wedding, he mentioned again the plans for that day, "I'm picking you up early that morning, by the way."

Ella groaned, already dreading having to wake up at an ungodly hour to start getting ready. "Yeah, don't remind me how early though."

"I know, weddings shouldn't be that early." Alex wholeheartedly agreed, almost every wedding he had attended would've been awful for him if he wasn't surrounded by his friends—only being in their presence made him able to look past how long they lasted and how unnecessarily stressful they were.

"It's an actual crime." And then she thought about how late the reception could be but found relief at the silver linings, "At least there's a free bar."

He chuckled and nodded, "I can already imagine the hangover."

She grimaced at the thought, "S'not gonna be pretty that's for sure."

"I'll take care of you, don't worry, darling." He promised, holding her closer by the arm she had hooked on his.

"I'll take you up on that, sweets." Ella replied with her eyebrows raised like challenging him to keep up to his words, which he definitely would.

But then the singer reminded her of the real trouble approaching them, "Tomorrow's what you gotta be worried about."

The next day would be the parties thrown for the bride and groom, she called them bachelor and bachelorette parties but she'd gotten cultured about them being called stag do and hen do over in that side of the pond.

"Matt and Bre being in charge of the parties is making me nervous." She admitted very honestly as she had tried many times to get something from Breana but miserably failed at it.

Alex hadn't been successful in getting information from the couple either so he felt the same way, "Haven't managed to get anything out of them so I share your worries."

Ella sighed, only being able to imagine the trouble the next night would bring but wishing aloud, "It better be fun."

He decided to tease her a bit and with a low voice said, "But at what cost?"

"Don't." She cut him off before he could set off more nerves in her and nudged his hip with hers, "That only makes me even more scared."

He giggled at her, noticing they were already close to the hotel she was staying at and wanting to spend the last few minutes they had together on a better note, he decided to settle her down a bit, "I know we won't be together but Florence will take care of you since I know Bre is gonna be too gone to do it herself."

"Awh I love Flo!" Ella almost jumped in her spot at the reminder of his childhood best friend's attendance, "I'm excited now, I can properly party with her."

They had been talking about properly going out at Glastonbury, trying to align their schedules so everyone could join and there had been a few dates thrown around but nothing confirmed, nothing that couldn't be solved when she would see her again then and the thought of making plans with her and the girls was making Ella excited.

She had been brainstorming more about that shoot she had in mind and she couldn't wait to properly set a day and a meeting place for them all to bring the vision to life. Ella was properly giddy about it for they were all stunning and the shoot was going to be in a style she had been waiting to try for a while.

Alex's memories came back to him of every time he'd partied with Flo since they were teenagers and he smiled at them, there wasn't a doubt in his mind that the girls would have the best night together. "She's amazing company, you're gonna have the best time."

Ella hummed, even more excitement bubbling up inside her and with hopes up to the ceiling, she replied, "I'm counting on it, Turner."

The girls all together and away from the lads, partying the night away in celebration of the bride sounded like a perfect night and, despite going into it blind, Ella just couldn't wait to see what that night would bring.

✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧

A/N: I don't exactly remember how me and N came about the talk about how insane it would be if Alice and Ella bumped into each other and had Alex absolutely seething but it ended up in me writing this and all I can say is I blacked out, I was fully possessed lolllllll! Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter, it's a whiplash of emotions from now on tbf but it's gonna be really fun. Hen do is coming next and so is the wedding... heheheh. Thank you for reading and see you in two weeks!!!!!! xx

Taglist: @imagine-that-100 @red---moon @kennedy-brooke @faveficz @indierockgirrl @ladydraculasthings @moonvr @unwantedlovergirl @eaglestar31 @nikisfwn @funniestpersoninnyc @andrearroe @justacaliforniandreamer @alexturnersgf69 @yourorganiccigarette

#alex turner #alex turner x reader #alex #turner #arctic monkeys #alex turner arctic monkeys #alex turner fanfiction #alex turner fanfic #alex turner fic #alex turner fluff #alex turner one shot #alex turner imagine #alex turner blurb #alex turner drabble #alex turner x you #alex turner x y/n #alex turner x oc #matt helders #jamie cook #nick omalley

[genderstarbucks]

Coming Out Post Ig?

I don't really know where to start with this so I'm just gonna get into it

Cw for a bit of a long rant, no triggering topics but just read with some slight caution

I think I'm bigay? I've been questioning my sexuality for about 4 years and I could never find a label that stuck. I started with bisexual, then pansexual, then throughout the years my sexuality has changed but it's been mostly been between bi and gay. I've used homoflexible a few times, and it felt right, but something felt off. I felt it didn't completely cover what my attraction felt like. It's been hard for me to differentiate between romantic and sexual attraction, so I've just been using non-sam labels, and just saying I'm bisexual with a lean. Recently I've used abrosexual and that felt right too, but not completely. I've tried abrogay and abroachillean because I am mostly gay but it just didn't feel completely right, I didn't feel complete. I used to be an exclusionist (ew) and against mspec lesbians/gays/straights but luckily I've had friends and this wonderful community to educate me. I think the only reason I was an exclus was because I had internalized bigayphobia, as soon as someone taught me what it was, it really wasn't that hard to understand. Some people are on the sam and some people are fluid between 2 labels. I also think it was because I was with a toxic friend group (who I've since dropped ((thank god)) who was VERY against mspec lesbians/gays/straights. I mean, I also used to be anti-mogai because my ex gf was pounding it into my head how "bad" it was (she was literally cis too lmao) I'm glad I've met and am in such a wonderful community that is accepting of all good-faith identities. Anyway, earlier today I started researching bigay more and kept re-reading the description as to why someone might use the term bigay and then I realized. That's me. I am bigay. The term that actually resonates with me is the thing I've been avoiding the most. I was literally TERRIFIED about adding bigay to my prns page (ik I don't have to but I just want to) even though I know the only people who are gonna see it are my friends (who are accepting of it) and anybody who clicks on the link in my pinned post (which is most likely gonna be an inclus) I've been thinking about if I'm bigay (or just mspec gay) for a while now, but I refused to even accept myself of the possibility of being an mspec gay. I genuinely don't understand exclusionists, I used to be one and all I did was do a little research as to why someone might identify that way, and I changed my views. If you can accept things like nonbinary boy or agender girl, then you can accept mspec lesbians/gays/straights too. I'm glad I've cut off those exclus friends, now I can finally be myself. I think my sexual journey is over, I think this is the label I've been looking for, for so long. Ykw I'm proud to say I'm bigay, I'm proud to use contradictory labels. I'm a nonbinary boy AND a biromantic gay, and I'm god damn proud of it. If you're questioning whether you're mspec and a lesbian/gay/straight then it's okay. Those labels aren't "bad" or "invalid", if it describes you, then use it. You can use "contradictory" labels if you'd like, don't give a fuck what anyone thinks. All that matters is that you accept yourself, all that matters is using the labels you want that make you feel comfortable.

My identity has come a long way over the years, but I think I'm finally happy to say I'm comfortable where I am. I'm an agender boy, enboy and a demienboy, also bigay, and exclusionists can fuck off!

I didn't mean to make this that long but oh well 💀

TLDR; Sexuality confusing, omg I'm a bigay. Fuck exclusionists.

Edit: I think I'm just like every label besides wlw/lesbian, I'm gay, bi, pan, EVERYTHING

Edit 2: Okay nvm guys 💀 Charlie, one of my alters is a transbian and I'm transgay so collectively we're a lesboy, turigirl, gaybian and literally every other orientation

Edit 3: Okay I figured it out, I'm omnibi gay (as in general bi gay) and an omnibi gay man

Edit 4: I'm just every sexuality besides wlw/lesbian labels and I'm also multivelfluid

Edit 5: nvm I lied I'm just bigay

Edit 6: I'm such a fucking liar I'm actual bigay, abrogay and pomogay

#xenogender #xenogenders #mogai #pro mogai #xenogender coining #xenogender community #mogai terms #mogai safe #mogai friendly #mspec #mspec solidarity #mspec positivity #mspec safe #mspec gay #mspec lesbian #mspec straight #bi gay #bi lesbian #bi straight #poly gay #ply gay #poly lesbian #ply lesbian #poly straight #ply straight #pan gay #pan lesbian #pan straight #omni gay #omni lesbian

[felikatze]

okay!! safe ending done!! wowzers, what an ending! time to review!

First of, some complaints. Since i was skipping basically everything, the new scenes stuck out all the more, and they didn't really... feel earned. For example, Door 8. Going 4-8 resulted in a scene of Junpei poking fun at Lotus, so she tells him to fuck off, but going 5-8, the two get talking. Lotus mentions her former job, and she starts talking about "what if the human brain doesnt actually contain memories" and wireless data transfer which ties into all the telepathy stuff all over the game.

So why does she open up more to Junpei... on a route where they spent less time together?

edit. um. added a readmore. i did not realize for how long i was talking.

The same thing applies to the changed scene with Santa in Door 6. Taking this route means missing every opportunity to hang out with Santa beforehand (Door 4 & 3), yet this is the route where he just doesn't talk about metaphor, but mentions his sister and her death outright. Again, why is he more emotionally honest on a route where he knows Junpei less?

In a VN like this, ideally, choices inform what routes happen, yeah? Instead of things just "happening differently." Same with Junpei figuring out Ace's face-blindness because Akane decided to collapse for no reason.

Rlly, Akane's random fevers are the most plot devicey thing in this game, and I don't like it.

The only pre-end changed scene that made sense is Clover talking about Snake's disability in the lab, because Junpei was one of the last people to spend time with Snake. She decides against it if Junpei didn't spend time with Snake beforehand, probably realizing Junpei wouldnt know anything in that case.

And the random hint Clover has in her hand when her body is found is, hm. Like, when I went through Door 1, there just... wasn't anything like this, so where the hell did it come from? Maybe this gets explained in the true end, whatever.

I get the logic that the first door has to be 5 bcuz Junpei needs to know where the safe is, but it makes less sense with the Lotus and Santa scenes.

Okay. Moving on to: plot revelations.

So! I was correct! Ace killed everybody in the Knife and Submarine endings! And he targeted Lotus to nab her bracelet, which was all he needed for the 9 door, and everybody else was just collateral. Makes sense.

The motivation here is the new part. As soon as Santa said he's the CEO of Cradle Pharmaceutics - well yeah, that tracks. Explains how Ace knew what the sedative is. He was the one producing it. Explains his connection to the first Nonary game, as per my theory that every person is involved with the first one somehow.

I assumed he figured out Lotus was investigating him, but nah, lol, just wanted the bracelet. Fucker <3

Other plot revelations: though I do not like the method of delivery as per the above, my suspicion was confirmed!! Santa's sister is the kid who died in the first Nonary Game! Like, okay, he says car accident or whatever, but it was nine years ago, I can read. He's probably in the same situation as Lotus, where what really happened got covered up, and this is just the story he's been fed. Poor guy. Really working for the Santa nickname here. Aww man.

Right, next on the discussion block - Snake. I am so deeply satisfied that i was 100% dead on the money. He was alive, and trapped in the coffin.

I mean, you saw me speculating this before, I shall not be Ashe Bradley'd again, but when I replayed Room 5, i was all the more certain. Snake mentions his incredible hearing, meaning he'd never get jumped, and he was confident he could take Junpei in a fight, which he GOES TO PROVE in the ending. Not against Junpei, but, wow. When Clover mentions his prosthetic arm, oh yeah, it's all coming together, and this is how Junpei figures it out, too.

Also shows how Snake and Clover are connected to the game - Snake's been in it, and whatever happened injured him, resulting in his blindness and prosthetic. Also a nifty explanation for why he didn't recognize anybody else he might've met back then.

Speaking of, here is the one point i was wrong. Snake did not kill the Ninth Man, Ace did. It makes sense motive wise, as Ace wanted to eliminate anyone who knew his connection to the first Nonary Game. Still wondering how Ace knew about the verification before Zero or Snake explained it....? Whatever.

Thinking back, his face blindness is foreshadowed!! It's such a blink and you miss it moment. In the hospital room, when searching for Snake, when Junpei tells Ace that Clover and Snake look nothing alike... Ace reacts surprised! He had no idea they look different!

That's such smart foreshadowing, dear god.

Okay, next up - Akane. I already mentioned I don't like her plot device fever, and this end really takes it to the next level.

I could tell they copied over text from the submarine ending, where Akane tells Junpei she won't make it, but loved their time together, because she was, you know, bleeding out in his arms, and the same dialogue when she's got a fever feels way cheaper, you know? People can die of fevers, of course, but not like... this fast. Geez.

The thing that salvages this scene is the mystique of it, Akane vanishing, Zero saying he's right here... Well, that does have one implication, of course - that Akane is Zero.

(thinks about plot spoilers i've seen) (thinks about "is akane evil" discourse i've seen)

(thinks back to my "akane was in the first game" theory)

No fucking way, right? (<- in denial.)

Speaking of Zero. So, Zero reveals the mission statement that he wants to punish all those responsible for the first Nonary Game. Okay. So that's why Ace is here. But then why are other victims of the game here? Why is Snake here? Why is Lotus here? Why punish the family members of those involved?

Unless, of course... "The Nonary Game was always meant to save everyone." Maybe that's what Zero wants. Zero wants Junpei to succeed. For some reason. Hence Zero saying "I lost" as Junpei goes down with the ship. Whatever Zero's goal is, it hinges on Junpei.

Also, back to the Akane thing - on the assumption that Akane is Zero/was in the first game, that would finally give Junpei a Nonary Game connection, cuz he and Akane are the only ones without a confirmed one so far. He's here bcuz of Akane.

And, remember how I pointed out Akane's fixation on her childhood as odd? Well... if somebody were, say, seeking revenge against the company that traumatized them for the past 9 years, then fixating on the idyllic childhood before all that makes sense, no?

OKAYYY TIME TO ACTUALLY DISCUSS THE PLOT OUTSIDE OF WHAT I COMPLAINED ABOUT.

The Ace is Evil reveal was actually so fucking cool. PEAK manipulative Junpei moment, which is, hands down, my favorite character trait of his. If he wants something, he is going to get it, by any means possible. He's a lying and schemeing son of a bitch, and it's fucking fantastic. It was so satisfying how Junpei pulled together all the details I also noticed, all the little bits and bobs from the three extra scenes, to make the perfect trap for Ace.

Just saying "I'm actually Santa" to test Ace's face-blindness, saying he took the bracelet from Ace, confirming Ace has it, and then elaborating on why Snake isn't dead. Brilliant. Brilliant moment.

Ofc then Ace pulls the revolver, cuz fucking dumbasses left it there for anyone to nab. Also great setup, since i did door 6 first, i knew the revolver was there, and the guys just leaving it there in knife end was simply too good to be true.

Chekov's gun, in the most literal sense. If there's a gun, somebody is going to fire it.

Righto. The showdown in the incinerator. Man.

First of all, I was delighted to see Snake back, have my theory validated that he's in the coffin, though this does open the mystery of who out him there. Absolutely DELICIOUS tragedy that this is on the route where Clover is dead, and neither Junpei nor Seven have the heart to tell him.

Snake just going apeshit on Ace was a great moment, really impressive, really heartwrenching. If I gotta die, I'm taking you bitch down with me <3 iconic. Incredible. Truly Snake was Not Fucking Kidding when he said he could take Junpei in a fight. That scene of Seven dragging Junpei out of the incinerator... man.

Also rlly smart to bring up the prosthetic arm thing to let Snake go through the door. Pulls double duty as the last evidence that Snake is alive, AND for this moment. He just. screwed his hand off real quick to take the bracelet off. Truly more stories need disabled characters for spectacular moments like this.

I already talked abt my feelings w the Akane scene at the end here (the same scene in sub ending was better, but this one has more Implications), but I gotta say. It was so funny that Snake, Seven, and Junpei just all went through Door 9 without Akane and Santa. They just fucking left em. Presumably Seven and Lotus left without Junpei, but where did Santa go in this ending? Caught up to Seven and Lotus, leaving with them? Drowned in the ship? Vanished mysteriously? Who knows~

Oh, yeah, Zero probably uses Soporil to drug people, huh? Delightful little bit of irony.

Another thing... I'm incredibly glad that I played the bad ends first? Like, take the Ace twist for example - it's only really satisfying if you've done Knife or Sub end first, since it confirms that he's the killer in those. And it only became EXTRA satisfying when doing one of those in combination with the Axe ending, because this one confirmed to me that he's the killer beforehand!

And him being the CEO, Zero having a grudge against Cradle Pharmaceutics - only really matter when you've gone through Door 2 before, and learned about the 16 missing children, Seven's backstory, and arrived at the conclusion that this was a previous Nonary Game. Santa's sister being dead also only comes as a shock after this, because it confirms what I thought - that she died here, on the Gigantic.

Like, seriously, I would've been so much less satisfied if I'd done this ending first. You SAW how fucking long I speculated about Snake being alive, right? Today I dm'd a friend who is mildly insane abt 999 about my full theory, and then two hours later I got it confirmed. How much more would it suck if I just... got it confirmed in my first playthrough, and then played the bad ends? They'd be nothing! Doing them first, it's a gradual crescendo of information, pieces slotting together ever so slowly, theories evolving into a coherent whole, before the Safe ending puts them all to rest, and opens up new questions, new theories.

Like, sure. There's still value in doing like, Door 3 Route, but Sub ending is Less Woah when you've seen the lesser version of Akane's last words, AND already know for sure that Ace is the killer.

TLDR: I'm very happy i went in the order I did, and fully committed to doing all bad ends first.

AND THAT'S MY LONG FUCKIN REVIEW OF SAFE ENDING!!! i thought it was called "Safe" ending because. Everybody gets out safe, but doesnt resolve the plot, or something, you know average "normal ending" stuff for VNs. But nah it just. Involves a literal safe. Okay

NEXT STOP, LAST DESTINATION! PLAYTHROUGH 5, TRUE ENDING!

#feli speaks #feli plays 999

[wishing-stones]

how did you come with the plot for r&r? its so nicely written and i constantly struggle with coming up with plots for multichapter fics despite desperately wanting to write one, so im wondering what your process was?

This one got long

Originally, the plot came about from a one-word prompt done for my oneshot collection. The story wound up with more background to it than I intended, and I decided to try and fill it out a little more. I'm kind of old-fashioned, so I used a plot diagram and slapped the important bits in there before thinking about what all else I'd like to put in a story like this.

Picking a villain was pretty easy; who is stupid and/or ballsy enough to pick a serious fight with Nightmare? XGaster, who could be made a main antagonist easily. He also has the added bonus of having a personal investment in fighting Nightmare (Cross) That gave me my conflict, and filling out what needed to happen between that and the resolution got handled too.

I knew I wanted this to be a reverse harem sort of dealio, so everyone needed to have their own arc with the reader. Everyone needed to have character development. To do that with Nightmare meant having to include his brother, and it gave me an avenue to do their resolution and also include the stars. Killer and Cross needed to come to an understanding, but after realizing that would only really come about after they go to blows, they needed a doctor.

Enter Baggs, who I have sort of stuck with the Bad Sanses for a hot minute in my own sort of personal plot space and in general thought mess. Formally including him would also just be a nice little self-indulgent thing since he's a seriously bastardly brainrot. It also gave me an excuse to work with him more, and, unintentionally though it was, introduce more people to him and his AU.

With the cast figured out, I could start placing little scenes I wanted to happen in the appropriate places on the timeline. As I wrote it, some things were off-the-cuff, some things popped up early, some things got nixed, and a whole character who I hadn't originally intended to include got included anyway due to source material being released between plotting and writing (XChara.)

The actual ending got pulled out of my ass because I only had a couple bulletpoints for the post-fight resolutions. There's a couple whump lines there I'm especially proud of.

That being said, there's a couple continuity errors that need fixing and places where things didn't quite go according to plan, so always be prepared to compromise and fix in post. I also never had a beta reader and basically went "FUCK IT WE BALL" with every update. (I did re-read them and fine-tune them after the initial write before posting them, but that's it.)

In short, the process was: 1. Come up with the initial idea 2. Refine the idea (Starting point, rising action, conflict, resolution) 3. Place the idea on a plot diagram 4. Figure out scenes you want and place them accordingly 5. Figure out how characters are (or are not) going to change and place the catalysts for the actions and where/when their arcs will conclude/when they have gone through their development 6. Pad it out-- make scenes connect and plot points make sense 7. Start writing. Keep writing. Pace yourself. You'll finish it eventually and with a roadmap, you'll always know where you're going. Feel free to embellish on the details and don't be afraid to move things up or back in the progression of the plot if it makes more sense while writing it.

And if there's anything I've learned from this, it's that:

a. Your audience is a lot nicer than you think they are. You are absolutely your own worst critic. b. Don't be afraid of mistakes, just go with the flow. You can edit things in post when you re-read it, even if that's after you posted it.

I really hope this helps!

#k answers #fic nonsense #r&r(r&r) #the only part of english class that stuck with me was creative writing and plot diagrams #Can't tell you how the hell to construct a sentence #but I can sure as hell break a story down into its essential parts

[its-tea-time-darling]

look, i might delete this later but. i was just crying really hard while reading loveless (and i'm still crying haha), and honestly, same as with heartstopper, a part of me is just wretched that this sort of book, this sort of series exists now.

because it didn't then. it didn't when i needed it.

(i'm not saying this to shit on the fact that these types of stories exist now btw. i'm just. processing my feelings about that fact that they didn't when i was young.)

like. there was nothing. there was the vague awareness that gay men and lesbian women existed. bisexuality wasn't a thing. the asexual and aromantic spectrum? unheard of.

i might have fucking realized way earlier that i liked girls (and that that wasn't a bad thing) if i'd ever so much heard of the concept of bisexuality as a teen.

and then later, when my best friend found out she was bisexual and that for her happened to coincide with lots of making out and having sex with both girls and boys (we didnt' know anyone who was non-binary, nor did we know more than 2 genders existed at all), it just. it was kind of clear to me that well then that couldn't be me either?

sure, i'd fallen in love with a girl by that age (and oh my how badly that ended, but that's a whole other story), but since nothing ever happened between us by any allosexual standards i still didn't... clock it as something i could possibly derive a sense of identity from.

i always felt like i was in this kind of... limbo. crushing on boys but not actually wanting to kiss them (--yet, as i later on in my demisexual journey found out), crushing on girls and having the imminent sense of shame and wrongness about it.

i just. my life would have been so different if i'd seen these kinds of stories being told. but maybe being queer for every generation at least to some degree means living through your own coming of age again and again in so many different stories until you've let yourself feel all of the feelings you were never allowed to feel.

maybe being queer is about patching it all up, and filling the patches and cracks with gold threads, you know like that ancient golden vase where its cracks were stuck together again with gold?

i dont' fully know what i'm saying at this point, and i've also got some things that need doing, so this is where this post ends haha <3 (end post with a bang? nah, more like end it with some unnecessary blabbering :) )

(edit: i'm not gonna delete it, and i'm glad it resonates with people.)

#heartstopper #loveless #alice oseman #demisexuality #demisexual #bisexuality #bisexual #just bisexual things

[nakanotamu]

The read more is just bc I'm thinking out loud about wrestling stuff that's been on my mind/bothering me and I figure this might end up being long edit nvm it ended being about the usual depression stuff too lol

I think part of my issue as far as burnout is that I can't figure out where the line is supposed to be for work that you want to be done that no one else will do vs when you do not want to do the work any more. Like I do a lot of stats tracking for wrestling shows that I've done for a while now purely bc I had a lot of fun doing it and found it interesting. But I've sort of reached a point with it where I don't really think I'm learning anything particularly new or interesting with it but I realized it is taking a fair bit of time, so while it's hard to break the habit of doing it for every show it makes sense to drop it at this point, or at least cut back.

Then there's the stuff I actually worked on, like translations primarily and stuff like that. I'm behind back to stuff that happened in May, and I'd been thinking of it as a backlog, but just deciding to not do any of it does have an appeal. If it sucks hit da bricks. I know I have no real obligation here, but I don't know, thinking about totally dropping this stuff does hurt. On the one hand, I was genuinely very desperate to try and find some way to turn some part of this into actual paid work, to the point where I did way too much of it on top of my actual job and life and the stuff I wish I did have the option of just dropping and ended up having a pretty bad breakdown. So just not working on it at all any more is depressing, an acceptance that I failed and I'm still stuck exactly where I was a little over two years ago and nothing has changed at all. Maybe even worse bc when I started I was still working from home.

On the other hand I also feel bad leaving people who genuinely enjoyed my work out in the cold. I met some really great people thanks to it and had some really good conversations and stuff. But I also kind of hated the twitter clout because it's a lot of nice words that doesn't actually count for anything or do anything, and on top of that for every person who really seemed to get where I was coming from it felt like there were 5 more who claimed to appreciate my work who didn't get it at all. And that wears me down probably more than it should.

I'm a big believer that in any sort of work like that you shouldn't do it for an audience you may or may not even have or keep, you should do it because you want to do it and if people show up for it then that's on them. But I don't really know how to put it aside when it is still something I want to do but I don't know if I can. Even just things like reading comments on my own or watching shows feel like such an unbelievable timesink and I don't know if I have the energy or the mental health to keep it up even for myself. But I don't want to give these things up either. So I'm just. Stuck suffering in both directions.

And then on top of that there's all the feelings of disconnect and isolation that I've been struggling with for quite a while now. I mean like beyond the general ones every day like the wrestling specific ones. Reading and translating comments and press conferences and everything began as a way to feel closer, I think, to the wrestling I love so much. I think part of what fucked me up so badly when Unagi left was that it made clear how much that had not happened. Sure you can see the signs of her farewell tour in hindsight, but at the time I hadn't seen it coming in the slightest. No matter how well I understood these characters, no matter how much, even correct, insight I had into every word choice they made and every emotional beat of every story they told, I still don't know them, I'm not a part of this.

And beyond that, would I even want a part of it if I could have one? If I had some sort of magic golden opportunity to be part of the joshi scene right now, would I even want to see behind the curtain? What if I really am just a delusional himejoshi and it ruins everything I love about it? Would there even be a space for me there, what if I were just rejected? None of which matters because I still have no connection to it in the slightest, I've never even been to Japan and my current savings are supposed to be for computer upgrades so who the fuck knows when even that much might be an option.

I just. I feel so lost, and stuck. I don't know what to drop and what to keep working on but I don't know how to keep working on any of it in the first place. I can barely even make it through a single match without getting endlessly distracted these days, even when I WANT to watch it, even when I'm actively enjoying it! I want to drop everything in my entire life except for this but this also takes energy I don't have and feels like the only thing I actually can drop. This thing I love so much and have no attachment to whatsoever, that might not even want me if that was an option to begin with. I need to change something about my habits or my workflow or my life or something, anything, and I can't. I can't do any of it

[possumteeths]

2022 Writing Wrap Up

Tagged by: @screwyouflightlieutenant (thanks for thinking of me! 💖)

Total words published: 308,920 (christ???)

Additional words written:

Im gonna ballpark and say maybe 150 k other words with additional projects that arent fanfic lol (as well as fanfic wip)

Grand Total of Words: 458k ish?

Fandoms:

Various horror movies, Dragon age, Fallout, Mass effect, RDR, the boys

Highest Everything (raw kudos, hits, comments):

Unsurprisingly, its my the Boy chaptered fic Love Me Cancerously, This blew tf up and I really didn't expect it to. It is SO cool that other people like this not great movie and are so down for this rollercoaster i've been writing.

Highest Kudos to Hits Ratio:

It's still my Brahms fic, and the runner up is ANOTHER Brahms fic but that one's a oneshot.

New Things I Tried:

x readers! I never really liked reading or writing x readers ever until recently. I really like second person as a device and I just refuse to acknowledge things that use like blanks or the Y/N device lol. Realizing this totally changed the way I like to write. I think second person is excellent for storytelling. Leaving the reader insert extremely vague and writing from the perspective of the character is SO fun.

Fic I Spent The Most Time On:

Love Me Cancerously AGAIN lol. Usually I just kinda write things in one go, but for this fic I put it through multiple stages of editing.

Favorite Thing I Wrote:

This completely nonsensical fallout raider gangbang. I rarely enjoy reading or writing OC x OC works, but I really unlocked something in my brain with this fic. I am so in love with the characters, they still live in my head. I wanted it to be SILLY DUMB and it was just so much fun to write. This is the most "me" I think of anything I've ever written, and I fully just went balls to the wall ridiculously porny and it was so much fun.

Favorite Thing I Read:

dude ANYTHING by my buddy @ventiswampwater (here's her ao3) every single one of her fics make me INSANE. We have such similar ideas of characterization for this DUMB movie that for some reason we're obsessed with. I love cerebral poetic weirdo porn I just consume everything she's done over and over again. Seriously some of the best x readers i've ever come across.

@some27-url 's Deacon X SS series, I cant get ENOUGH of this fucked up dynamic. I gush on and on about this and I dont want to be annoying but I cannot shut up about how much I love this series

OH! This Yautja harem x OC work I found, literally I've never had the patience for LONG LONG fics before but I honestly wish there was MORE of this. I loved!! the characters and everyone involved, the story was so smutty and good. You dont need to know shit about predator lore this fic may as well be its own story. This fanfic is better than any smutty xenophilia/monsterfuckery romance book that i've ever read.

@brimbrimbrimbrim 's Vigilante x reader fic was so much fun, characterized SO well. It was silly fun and I loved it hahaha like I love this author but this fic really stuck out to me hahaha.

Writing goals for 2023:

I'd like to just bite the bullet and submit to publications as well as random magazine challenges or whatever else. I often debate whether I should or shouldnt for so long that I then miss the deadline for the actual challenge lmao! I submitted to a few horror magazines as well as some poems to indie publications asking for submissions this year but I'd like to just submit as much as I possibly can because fuck it y'know. This year, I got ONE poem selected to be in a book and then it was actually removed from the eventual publication coming out in 2023 so like... lmao?

New Works:

I've actually been editing my short story horror anthology off and on, cleaning it up and formatting it and all the boring shit. I'm looking to trad pub or at least submit certain stories to challenges. I'm also hoping to saddle up and adapt my raider gangbang fanfic into a more developed story that I'll eventually KDP publish. As for fanfics, I've got SO many fkn horror baddies x readers in the works rn, and like 21u314398240 90% done fanfics that I just need to edit and publish to ao3 lol.

tagging: @some27-url @gaeadene (girl I gotta know how many words u uploaded this year LOL) @ventiswampwater @korblez @wolfbirbisme @flaggermuser @butterbabyflapjack

Happy new year yall! Lets go full nuts and write WHATEVER ur silly lil heart desires. I declare this year the year of balls to the wall FUCK IT on ao3 lmfao

#tag game #poki writing stuff tag #look at me making a writing tag

[marciego]

🔥 about SL? :-)

gaston and delfi made much more sense than gaston and nina and they should have gone for it. like, yeah it's obvious it was never their plan, but i don't get HOW? gaston and delfi were SUCH a clear case of a character (gaston) not getting what he wants but getting what he needs, and i'll never get how they chose to make him remain stuck with no perspective of evolution ever by dating. nina

like. gaston is fucked he's so fucked he has the worst mentality of wanting a girl who's Not Like Other Girls and thinking women are shallow and stupid unless they read Books tm and if they like makeup or fashion they're brainless and he doesn't have to respect them, but oh! his ideal girlfriend is felicity! she's smart and Oh So Different than other girls! she's perfect she READS and is SMART and thinks fashion is STUPID, felicity is literally his dream girl right? so. why did he get her. like the CLEAR path they should have gone with gaston was having him fall for delfi, a girl who's into fashion and girly things and also has a passion for making videos and editing them and who's so clever, a girl with a complex personality who's as kind as she can be bitchy, a girl with flaws and shit, but man gaston should have sat there and realize that a REAL girl with a personality and with flaws and different opinions than him is like. so much more fun and interesting than his perfect flawless felicity. delfi was the perfect way to make him realize his mindset is fucked up and misogynistic and that he NEEDS to change his ways and to learn to respect everyone, including girls who don't like books

except that's the one thing gaston will never be able to do as long as he's with nina, because the narrative just validates his fucked up mindset and nina herself does it too, and it's so fucked it makes me mad like??? like i don't ship gaston and delfi i think delfi is so much better off with someone like pedro, but???? it was so fucking obvious they had so much potential, and for what didn't we get it??? nina???? NINA????? really i don't get it

#actually i get it it's misogyny and the writers actually thinking you should always date a girl that's Not Like Other Girls #because other girls are dumb and shallow and stupid #if the witers didn't think that lutteo and gastina wouldn't be Like That <3 #because no luna is absolutely not a 'not like other girls' girl but matteo is absolutely a 'she's not like other girls' guy #anyway i went off but thank you for the ask <33 #i just have lots of pent up feelings about gaston and nina and none of them are good

[russburlingame]

A is for Accident

So, here goes.

A few weeks back, I was supposed to have started work on the Alphabet Superset, a project from Struthless that's aimed at helping motivate artists who are a little...stuck.

I am, strictly speaking, not stuck. I actually have more on my plate than I can handle most of the time. Still, it seemed like a cool project, and something that could help me hone some writing muscles that I don't use very often. I have a fiction project that has been percolating in the back of my mind, but it has been literally years since I wrote more than a few pages of fiction. And longer than that since I showed it to anyone.

So. The Alphabet Superset. It's a weekly challenge format, where you have a consistent theme and approach to the art, and each week you come up with a piece of work representative of that week's letter of the alphabet. I SHOULD have just started with D -- especially since I know what D is, and it's exciting! -- but I also know myself well enough to know that if I bail on A through C, I'll probably do basically none of the letters down the line.

Recently, I have been going through a bunch of my old archives to see whether there are any diamonds in the rough. So my "style" is going to be creative writing -- fiction and creative nonfiction, mostly not journalism, which is what I do the rest of my life. And the theme I'm choosing is autobiography. That doesn't mean you're going to get a lot of stuff that's super revealing about me -- although there will be some of that. It means each project will speak to a theme, an idea, or sometimes an archival project that was significant to a part of my life.

For the first installment, I'm going with "A is for Accident." The accident in question? A first-time hitman kills the wrong guy.

Oops.

This is a reworking of the first bit of 'I Got Him,' a novel I wrote once...but didn't back up before my computer was stolen. Back in the 2000s, not everything was always being loaded to the cloud. That was a rough lesson to learn, kids!

The only part of 'I Got Him' that survived was the first 40 or so pages. And I have always fantasized about bringing it back to life. This is not entirely new content, but a piece of the original version, lightly edited. I may tweak and hone a little more during a future week, but the hope here is to get myself back on track for the Alphabet.

So...here we go.

Oh, and this story takes place around 2003.

CHAPTER ONE: Somebody Got Murdered

  “I got him,” Martin said into the phone. “Just like you wanted, I got him!”

  “You didn’t,” Alderman said coolly, the background buzz of a crappy payphone not enough to mask his irritation.

  “Best part?” Martin continued, undeterred. “I knew the bastard! Fucking comes into McVeigh’s all the time and gives me shit because his burger has mayonnaise. Like I can help it that nobody reads the ‘special order’ line.”

  Alderman sighed. “What are you talking about?”

  “What, I gotta say it?”

  “That’s what I’m asking for.”

  “How do I know the phone’s not bugged?” Martin asked, and instinctively looked around as he said it.

  “Why on earth would it be?”

  “Alright, fine….I killed the Zlomek guy for you.”

  “Somehow I’m guessing that one of us has got something very confused here,” Alderman said, sarcasm starting to creep in around the edges of his frustration.

  “How do you mean?”

  “I’m very busy right now, actually. Can I call you back?”

  “Oh, right, right. Fine. But we’re solid here, right? You’re going to make sure I don’t get blamed for this?”

  “I really do have to go. I have a friend from work here right now,” Alderman said.

  “Oh,” Martin said. “Didn’t realize. Sorry!” And then, after a pause, “We’re not on speakerphone or anything, right?”

  “No, no. Eugene Zlomek is here, is all, and he’s telling me about his plans for the weekend. I think I’ve mentioned him before, right? A business acquaintance from the City.”

  Martin felt his stomach fall into his testicles. “Fuck,” he said.

  “That’s right.” The happiness in Alderman’s voice was the kind you only heard when businessmen were placating a customer, or an employee. Professional Happiness.

  “How about I’ll call you tonight, okay? Have a drink and unwind while you wait, alright?”

  Franklin Alderman didn’t wait for Martin to respond before hanging up. Martin had said, “Ri—” before realizing that nobody was on the other end, and then hung up with a petulance rarely seen in a grown man. He tapped the end of his rifle impatiently against the side of the phone booth for a minute, but his mind was moving too fast to remain focused on that, and he inadvertently put the barrel through the thin plastic panel.

  The Verizon logo on the outside of the phone broke outward and away from the booth and bits of plastic rained on Martin’s hair. The reason it had rained on his hair, rather than on his shoes, is that when he heard the sound of the plastic popping and breaking away, he hit the ground in terror, dropping the gun. He was convinced that, somehow, it had gone off in the booth. Having no bullets in the chamber, though, the gun of course hadn’t go off, and continued not to do so when dropped. Suddenly he wondered what the hell he had been doing carrying the murder weapon around with him in the open to begin with.

  Martin picked it up and forced it into his long, over-packed gym bag. It was nylon-and-mesh, and intended for use by baseball players (hence the length to accommodate a gun). It was loaded up with shorts and towels, on the off chance that anyone should want to take a look through it and Martin couldn’t dissuade them. The bag had a Champion logo on the top of it, which Martin couldn’t help but feel was a little ironic riding next to his face at the moment, while he tried to figure out how he botched his job so badly and who, exactly, he had killed.

  He jogged to his car—a red, 1991 Ford Mustang LX waiting at the curb about fifteen feet from the payphone—and jumped in. He tossed the Champion bag in the back and shifted gears all at the same time, in one motion as though the release of the bag by his left arm had caused the right one to pull the lever between his front seats. The car failed to roar to life, but gurgled a bit, and rolled down the street in the way that 1991 Mustangs are wont to do.

  The street was well-lit for the night drive home, and Martin was thinking of his terrible mistake, wondering what would happen next, when he saw the lights of a police car in his rearview mirror. He looked at the digital clock he had fastened to the dash when all of the vehicle’s interior lighting had failed months before. It read 1:39, which meant it had been a little more than forty-five minutes since Martin had killed someone who was not Eugene Zlomek.

  He grabbed the pack of cigarettes from his dashboard and took one out. He lit it with a Zippo from his jacket pocket because the cigarette lighter in the Mustang had been removed by the previous owner, who thought he had been improving the transmission at the time. He rolled down the passenger side window and blew the smoke from his cigarette in that direction. He leaned onto the passenger seat and opened the glove box.

The police officer, carrying a flashlight that was completely unnecessary given the intensity of the spotlight he had pointed at Martin’s rearview mirror, used it to tap on the driver’s side window. Martin opened the driver’s door a crack and half-shouted out it.

  “The window doesn’t open, Officer,” Martin apologized. “Wiring’s all screwed.”

  “Can I see your license, registration and insurance card, please?” The policeman asked, with no clear indication that he understood or cared what Martin had said about the state of the Mustang.

  “Absolutely. Hold on a minute.” Martin felt a cold sweat coming on as he rifled through the open glove box. He coughed a little on the cigarette, as he didn’t smoke. Instead, he had lit up to mask the odor of smoke in the car.

  Having worn gloves for the killing, Martin thought that maybe they would have gunpowder residue on them, and started the light them on fire in the bushes outside the

Zlomek house. But when people inside realized that someone—not, apparently, Eugene

Zlomek—had been killed, they started to mill around by the window and Martin had felt

obliged to get out of there, carrying—in his dazed panic and hurry—his flaming gloves

with him. The smell of smoke was very strong in the car, and he had made use of some

very old, very cheap cigarettes a friend had left in the car months ago. He sat upright in

the driver’s seat, passing his license and insurance card to the patrolman outside.

  “I can’t find the registration,” Martin said. “Can you take it off the windshield?”

  The patrolman shone his unnecessary flashlight at the windshield to confirm that

there was, in fact, a registration on the car. “I’ll get it from the plates,” he said, and

walked to the front of the car, shining the flashlight some more.

  The officer walked back to the open door. “Where is your front license plate?”

He asked.

  “Vanished a few weeks ago; haven’t had time to report it,” Martin said honestly.

  “You’d better.”

  “I will.”

  “Next time,” the cop warned, “you’ll get a ticket.”

  “Is that why you pulled me over, Officer?”

  “I’ll tell you when I get back.”

  “I wasn’t speeding, was I?”

  “I’ll talk to you when I get back,” the officer said, increasingly frustrated.

  The patrolman walked back to his car, clicking the flashlight on and off, and then

sat in the driver’s seat for what seemed to Martin to be a very long time. Finally he got

out of the car, still hefting his flashlight.

  “What’s that smell?” Asked the police officer when Martin reopened the door for

him.

  “Smell?”

  “Smoke. Do you have an exhaust problem, too?”

  “Not that I know of. Maybe my cigarette?”

  “Is it cloves or something?” The cop asked.

  “No, just very cheap.”

  “Hm. Maybe.” He straightened up. “Mr. Bidwell, do you know why I pulled

you over?”

  “Because I have no front license plate?” Martin ventured.

  “No.”

  “Oh. In that case, I’m not really sure.”

  “Have you been drinking?”

  “No. Absolutely not. I’ve never had a drink in my life.”

  “That sounds very defensive,” said the police officer, shining his flashlight around

inside the car.

  “No, Officer. Just definitive.”

  “Do your headlights work?”

  Martin looked at the switch on his dashboard which controlled the headlights. It

was in the “Off” position.

  “Shit,” Martin said.

  “That’s what I thought when I saw you barreling down the road like that,” said the

patrolman.

  “I just pulled away from the gas station about two miles back. This is a very well-

lit road…!”

  “I understand. Are you related to Jonathan Bidwell?”

  “My second-cousin.”

  “His father was on my softball team last year.”

  “Mike’s a great guy.”

  “Yeah….I’m not going to ticket you tonight. Just be a little more with-it, okay?”

  “Thanks.”

  “No problem. And get your exhaust checked. I don’t think that’s tobacco.”

  “Thanks.”

  The patrolman walked back to his car and sat in it while Martin pulled back into traffic, turning on his headlights and blinker. In the back seat, the odor of the burning evidence still lingered. He left the passenger window down to get rid of it.

-----

  “…But it’s trash, Doug!” Irwin shouted.

  Irwin Shaw was sitting on a rolling chair in an office of white-painted concrete,

shouting emphatically at a stooped, wrinkled man whose white, bushy hair and lively eyes left even his best friends wondering how old he actually was. The man, his editor, walked away toward his own office and Irwin stood to follow him.

  “It doesn’t matter if it’s trash, Shaw,” Doug told him. “What you did was unwarranted.”

  “Completely unwarranted,” Irwin agreed, in a way that expressed a total lack of enthusiasm for, or interest in, Doug’s assessment.

  “You wrote—let’s see…” Doug rustled papers around on his desk theatrically until he found one that he wanted. He squinted at it, opened his mouth to speak and then closed it again.

Then he threw that paper at the ground, and picked up another one instead. He looked pleased with this new acquisition.

“You wrote, ‘…where the only thing greasier than the fish fry and warm beer is the middle-aged barmaid who flirts with everyone under eighty.’”

“It’s true. The facts all check; I have quotes from seven regular customers.”

“I don’t care about your ridiculous quotes. You know you can’t say that shit.”

“Why not?”

“You know damned well why not,” Doug growled, withdrawing a pair of reading glasses from his paper-covered desk and putting them on top of his head as if he may wear them eventually, but not right now.

“I can’t tell the truth about the places I’m supposed to ‘review’ because they’re our advertisers and they might get mad if someone points out how shitty their bars really are.”

Irwin had used air quotes to emphasize his point when he said the word “review.”

“Not bars, Irwin. Clubs.”

“Three quarters of what you send me to cover for the ‘Local Clubs’ column are just crappy bars that have local cover bands playing on systems too loud for the rooms they’re in.”

“Tanner’s called. They won’t advertise with us anymore.”

“That’s not such a bad thing,” Irwin said. “I don’t think I would want our paper associated with that dive anyway.”

“No, no, no. That’s a very bad thing. Where do you think your salary comes from?”

“Salary?! You’re crazy. I get twenty bucks a story. That’s not a salary, that’s money for gas and food to get to, and then do, the story. And the food’s hardly ever any good. But I’m not complaining about the money, trust me. Play money for play journalism. It all makes sense.”

“I told you when you took over this column that the food is free at the clubs you’re writing up,” Doug sighed, putting his head in his hands and knocking the reading glasses askew, then taking them off and putting them back on the desk.

“I’m glad you think that; the bar owners don’t seem to have been told.”

There was a knock on the door, and a young, husky man with very black hair came in wearing a t-shirt that said, “Dammit—I Did Not Have Sexual Relations With That Woman Either.”

The young man said, “Mister Hooper? We really need you out here. It’s almost two,” and left in such a hurry, it was obvious that he was either very busy, or hoping to dodge Doug’s reply.

“Okay, Irwin. You’re off this column.”

“Doesn’t that have to wait until the real editors get here in the morning?” Irwin asked with a smirk.

“No. You run in my edition. And I already talked to Brad.”

“So, I’m fired?”

“No, you still have your other column.”

“Gee, thanks. You know, that one was also a lot more interesting before you guys started to get…”

Doug cut him off. “…And for the next few weeks, until we figure out what else you’re good for, I want you on newsdesk during this shift.”

“What?”

“General assignment.”

“I’m—what? Demoted? How does that even work, when you pay by the story?”

“Not demoted. The new Local Club writer came out of that slot. I just need you there until we fill it.”

“Roger is taking over the Club column?” Irwin choked on the statement, and caught his body trying to laugh without permission.

“Yes. Is there a problem with Roger, too?”

“Not at all, Doug. It suits him.”

“What the hell’s that supposed to mean?” Doug asked, a vein in his head starting to throb.

“Your nephew’s not really a reporter, he’s just the nephew of an editor.”

Doug's face started to turn red, and he rose in from his seat, but Irwin continued. “That column isn’t really reporting, as I said, just kind of masturbation of our sponsors…”

The young man came back to the doorway, still looking harried. “Mister Hooper? It’s almost two.”

“Still?” Doug shouted.

The young man missed the sarcasm, and paused for a second before darting away to process it, as though the question might be a trick.

“…Yes?” He responded hesitantly.

“I’m coming,” Doug said to the young man, and then to Irwin he said, “Get out of my office. I just got like nine e-mails in two minutes, so something must be happening. Go check the places you go check.”

“Will do, Skipper. By the way, nice office you have here.”

“Yeah, Doug said, ushering everyone out the door. “It used to be a bathroom, but the Department of Health said it was too small for that. Now get out of it.”

“I see,” Irwin said, “You’ve gotta take a leak.”

Doug slammed the door.

Irwin walked around the corner behind him and was standing next to the computers that were set to receive e-mails from wire services, freelance writers and letters to the editor. Two of them were idling, waiting for a password to unlock them so that they may crash freely. On a third, there was an e-mail program open. This, Irwin knew, was the computer that John Ramsay, the editor in charge of the Op-Ed section, used to receive all of his e-mail. Irwin sat in front of the computer and looked up the e-mail preferences.

Ramsay had set the computer, apparently, to filter out pornography, letters from a recently-fired Sentinel employee and anything with a subject heading containing nasty language. Irwin knew that there had been some very, very unpleasant language used in a some recent letters to the editor, mostly directed at Ramsay’s mother after a story he’d written on why it was necessary to enforce dog-leash laws that were already on the city’s books. Irwin changed the settings so that anything containing any one of several nasty words would be forwarded to Ramsay’s home e-mail account and marked with a little red flag that said “Urgent!” if you held the mouse over it for a second.

He also turned on an auto-reply feature that would tell anyone e-mailing letters to the editor that The Editor had been “…eaten by a rampaging groundhog, and that future e-mails should be directed to:” and then Ramsay’s personal e-mail address again.

He skated sideways on the rolling chair, then, and punched his own password into another computer to see what had been coming in while he was in Doug’s office.

A few headlines popped onscreen: “Fire at Soup Company Kills 11.” “Classical Pianist Arthur Dent Dies at Age 67.” “French Language More Prevalent In Michigan, Study Shows.”

He printed off each of these and left them sitting on a desk for the news desk reporter to find in the morning, then he walked toward the door.

“Where are you going, Shaw?” Shouted Doug Hooper from a light table where he was looking at the next edition of the Sentinel.

“My People of Interest column,” Irwin said.

“I’ve already got it!”

“The next one.”

“What was on the wires?”

“Gerard Depardieu in Detroit.”

“Just go home, Shaw,” Doug said, waving at him irritably, looking down at the table, then feeling on the top of his head for the reading glasses that were no longer there.

It was 1:40 in the morning when Irwin Shaw left the offices of The Sentinel.

It was 6:51 the next morning when he finally arrived at home. At 1:46, as he was turning into his driveway, Irwin had heard on the police scanner in his car that a man had been found dead about four miles from where Irwin lived.

He arrived at the address of the death five minutes ahead of The Sentinel’s police reporter, Jim Smith. Jim was a tall, jolly guy whose writing was as bland as his name and who didn’t really care if other reporters hijacked his stories. He’d just been working the same beat for so long, it was like getting paid to hang out with his friends in blue.

The house was enormous, but other than that pretty unremarkable. It was white with black shutters, squarish, and had what appeared to be about one window for every room in its three sprawling stories. All of the windows were the same; there was no picture window visible on any of the three sides of the house that Irwin could see either from the road or from his current position in the driveway.

Irwin, flashing his press badge to no one in particular, stepped up near the front door of the house where the police and the press had already set up shop. There was a police line, and just outside of it a handful of uniformed police officers were talking in subdued tones to a young man and woman in their early- or mid-twenties. The young man looked vaguely familiar, but it was the kind of familiarity that easily could have come from living so near to one another and shopping in the same places. Irwin couldn't place him.

The police didn't seem to be talking to the young man and the young woman as much as talking to the young woman and tolerating the young man being there, his hands on the girl's shoulders obviously being integral to keeping her from falling apart. The young man looked around him, and his eyes were red. He glanced through the crowd, fixed on Irwin for a second, and then looked away. There didn’t seem to have been any indication of recognition from the young man in the second they'd made eye contact.

The officer who had been talking to the young couple turned his back and headed indoors, and the couple sat on the bottom step of the house's big, all-wooden porch.

Irwin hung his head, took a reporter's notebook out of the pocket of his gray trench coat and approached them slowly. He spoke, first, to the girl, who had obviously been crying. Her eyes were red and puffy, her hair mussed. There was blood on her shirt, which had been partially covered by the brown corduroy jacket slung over her body. The young man next to her didn't look much better.

"I'm sorry," Irwin started. "I know this is a terrible time, but can I ask you a few things?"

"Who are you?" The girl choked out.

"Irwin Shaw, with The Sentinel."

"Oh. Press."

"Yeah. We always know just where we're needed the least, and that's more or less where we're paid to be. I live right down the way, so my editor figured I might know you guys,. Your brother looks a little familiar."

The young man didn't move, didn't respond. He didn't seem to be acknowledging Irwin at all.

"He's not my brother," the girl corrected. "My fiancé. This is James. His father is...was...he's the son."

"Of the one who passed?"

"Right."

Irwin looked at the young man, whose dark hair was longish and unkempt and who appeared to have been rousted from his sleep to come to the crime scene; he was wearing sweat pants, a mesh shirt and slippers. His eyes were also red with exhaustion and tears.

"I'm sorry for your loss, James," Irwin said, but the young man didn't respond.

The girl chimed in quietly: “What do you need, Mister…hmm…I’m sorry, forgot already…?”

“That’s okay. It happens. Irwin Shaw, Sentinel. You’ve had a long night.”

“So do you know what’s happened?” She asked him.

“I heard on the police scanner that someone was found dead here.”

“Yes, James’ father.”

“You said,” Irwin led her on. “What happened?”

“He was murdered. Shot.”

“Was anyone else in the house at the time?”

“He was shot through the window.”

“Are they absolutely sure about that?”

“I don’t know if they are, but I am. I was in the next room.”

Where was James here? In bed?”

“Yeah, in bed…at home…” the girl seemed flustered. “…At his house. Sorry. I don’t usually talk to the press.”

“You’re fine,” Irwin reassured her, “You’re doing fine. What’s your name, though?” He was scratching out the first notes in his pad.

“My name? It’s Michelle Zlomek. This is my house.”

“You live here alone?”

“No. It’s my dad’s house. I live here. I’m not out of college yet.”

“Where do you go?”

“I’d rather not say.”

“Okay…”

“Don’t you want to know about who was killed?”

“I was coming around to that.”

“His name was Lowe. Edward Lowe.”

“Name sounds familiar.”

“He was the CEO of Keystone Security,” James said. His voice was so hoarse and quiet that it took Irwin a second to realize that he was being addressed.

“We did a feature on them not long ago,” Irwin said, turning to James and trying to keep from seeming put off. “They’re local.”

“Yeah,” James said.

“Was there any reason why anyone would be wanting to kill your father, James?”

“Plenty.”

“Want to tell me some of them?”

“Not really.”

“Want to tell me who? I might be able to bring them to justice….”

“I thought that was the police.”

“Them, too,” Irwin quipped, trying his hardest not to sound overly glib and failing.

“I think I’ll stick with them. They’re kind of officially doing it.”

“They’re just part of the Executive Branch. The press is the Fourth Estate.”

“I am greatly disturbed by the death of my father, which comes as a shock to our family,” James said. It sounded as though he were reading from a script. “I look forward to seeing his killer brought to justice and will support the law enforcement community in any way I can during the investigation.”

“Wow,” Irwin said.

“Is that what you needed?” James asked, ice in his tone. “A comment?”

“Did you kill your father, James?”

“Fuck off.”

“I’ll fuck off in just a minute. Just wanted you to know—if you give a press conference and make a remark that shallow, in that tone of voice, anyone who sees you on TV will think that you killed Edward Lowe.”

“Off the record?”

“That all depends.”

“I already know who killed him. I also know they’ll never be held accountable. I just don’t know what I’m going to do about it yet.”

“Tell me what you think. Maybe I can get some evidence to supply to the police.”

“Why can’t I just tell it to the police?”

“Or that.”

“You’ve got my statement, Mr. Shaw. Please just go away now.”

“Miss? I forget your name.” He looked down at his scrawled notes. “Michelle!”

“What?” She sighed.

“Why was Mr. Lowe at your house so late?”

“My father works with Ed at Keystone.”

“What’s your father’s name?”

“Zlomek.”

“His first name?”

“Just go read some press releases or something,” James hissed. “I’m sure you can put it all together.”

“Thanks for the help,” Irwin said.

He stood, much to the chagrin of his knees and ankles, and turned around. He almost walked into a uniformed police officer who was making a beeline for something important.

“Whoa! Sorry,” Irwin said. “Irwin Shaw. Sentinel. Got a minute?”

“No,” the cop said, and tried to sidestep Irwin, who followed his movement.

“How about half of one?”

The cop’s jaw tensed for a second and then relaxed. “What do you want?”

“Whose house is this?”

“No comment.”

“What relation is he to the deceased?”

“No comment.”

“I hear he worked with the victim. What’s the homeowner do?”

“I don’t know.”

“Did you know that Lowe was the CEO?”

“Yes.”

“But you don’t know what Zlomek was? Is.”

“No.”

“You guys got on this pretty quick. I don’t live far.”

“I was in the area.”

“Doing what?” Irwin wondered if there was evidence to be had, which a slow patrolman might not put together and might, therefore, accidentally expose to the press.

“Someone busted in the side of a phone booth.”

“Sounds thrilling,” Irwin said, “What’s your name?”

“Shane Norton.”

“Thanks.”

Irwin put his pad and pen back in the pocket of his coat without having written anything about a vandalized payphone.

---

Martin’s phone was ringing.

He had been sitting up in bed for over three hours, waiting for the call, but he was slow to answer. On the small coffee table in front of his television was the morning’s paper. On the front page, with a tabloid-sized headline, was a story about a CEO of a locally-owned, New York-based company having been shot to death at his partner’s house the night before.

“Edward Lowe, 53, of Brick was killed last night in Red Bank….Lowe, the CEO of Keystone Security, was shot through the window of 212 Marsh Drive….The building belongs to Eugene Zlomek, Lowe’s business partner and the CFO of Keystone.”

Martin had killed Edward Lowe. Edward Lowe, the annoying bastard who always came into work and bitched about his cheeseburger. For a moment, Martin was struck by the pettiness of a millionaire—someone who obviously could have gone to a better establishment after one or two disappointments and left Martin the hell alone—coming every single day and bitching about mayonnaise. The thought, though, was hard-pressed to remain long in Martin’s mind, given the thoughts it was fighting for attention and the ringing of the phone that Martin knew could not possibly be good news.

“Yes?” He answered, tired and anxious and not at all happy to be alive.

“Martin, how are you?” Came Alderman’s voice from the other end of the phone; his good cheer was infinitely more frightening than if he had just called and started shouting.

I’m so sorry I fucked up, Mr. Alderman,” Martin said into the phone, so fast he could hardly be understood. “Please give me another shot—chance. I’ll fix things.”

“There’s nothing to fix. I’ve got things under control on my end, I think. You’re not going to be paid for this travesty, certainly. You did, after all, screw up the job rather severely…but you had the right idea and you got away without implicating any of us.”

“Thank you, Sir. Do do I…?”

“I want him dead by Friday, and I don’t want it in the papers. I don’t want my people to hear about it until it’s too late to be helped. This is kind of against the rules.” His sinister, faux-European voice paused to assume a more professional air. “Zlomek will be named CEO on Friday if he’s still alive when the Board meets in emergency session to discuss the passing of Mr. Lowe. At that point, he’ll become very useful to us. I’d rather he didn’t; he’s a prick and I don’t want to work with him for the rest of my days.”

“And you’re sure there’s nobody listening on the other end of the phone, right? I mean, I’ll get away with this, right?”

“The only thing that could get you in trouble now, Martin—is if you keep asking that. It’s really very unprofessional. It’ll give people the wrong idea.”

“Sorry.”

“Quite alright,” Alderman said. “I’ll call you when I hear that Zlomek is dead. In the meantime, you just sit tight.”

Before Martin could say goodbye, Alderman hung up the phone. Martin sat for a second, scowling at this indignity, and then hung up the phone and silently threw himself at, more than into, his huge blue easy chair. He picked up the remote control from the seat, flicked on the television and caught the news:

“Edward Lowe, President and CEO of Keystone Security, was killed late last night at the home of the company’s CFO Eugene Zlomek. This could spell more trouble for Keystone, whose bid to take over CopCo fell through very publicly last month and whose stock has been steadily declining since rumors surfaced that the company could face charges relating to union-busting. Lowe’s family says they intend to release a statement this afternoon. Keystone, meanwhile…” and Martin switched the channel. On HBO, they were playing a documentary about Lenny Bruce, and Martin left it there while he closed his eyes and tried to decide whether to cry or just take a nap until the phone started ringing again.

---

Irwin's phone was ringing.

After having filed the late-night story on the murder of Edward Lowe, Irwin had returned home and slept. His sheets were tossed everywhere, and there was a pretty clear trail of disorder from where Irwin had entered the dark room the night before, to where he'd hopped onto bed. In that trail were all of the pieces of junk that he had stepped on before falling asleep at five in the morning. He could see it all now, with his clear eyes and the light flooding the cheap lace curtains of the bedroom.

Monumentally disoriented, Irwin faced the wall and reached out. His hand struck the wall and he turned back around and reached out again, this time grabbing at his alarm clock.

"Yallo?" he muttered into the phone when, after its fifth ring, he finally had it in his hand.

"Shaw, what the hell were you thinking?" Hooper demanded.

"Say again?"

"I said, 'What the hell were you thinking?' Last night."

"Last night, I was thinking, 'I should hand in this story to Doug, so that he'll stop bitching.' Shows you Daffy Duck was right when he said it doesn't pay to think."

"Smartass. Stop screwing around. You were hounding someone else's story."

"Oh, come off it. You know he doesn't care."

"We have to have some semblance of order here, Shaw."

"It didn't seem to bother you last night; they said they were planning on running it on the front page."

"They did."

"Great. So what are you complaining about?"

And Irwin hung up.

Of course, I didn't know any of this yet. I figured it all out later.

"Blah-blah-blah!" The TV told me. I had been, for the previous hour, watching an HBO special on Lenny Bruce. Sunk low in a star-spangled camping chair in the living room of my small apartment, I stared vacantly at the television, too exhausted to either change the channel or take in the information in any meaningful way. My phone rang, and I ignored it. Finally, the answering machine kicked in.

"I don't know how you got this number," my voice came from the machine, "but there must be a good reason for it if you did. So state that reason and maybe I'll get back to you." There was then a series of beeps long enough to irritate all but the most persistent caller.

"Mr. Abernathy, we need to talk," a voice said. I cocked my head a little bit and hit the mute key on the remote control. Lenny Bruce was silent, but the TV continued to buzz with electrical life. The caller pressed on. "I believe that someone has tried to kill me. I was fortunate in that they failed, but I'm worried they may try again. I also have...fears...about the legal ramifications for me of their failed attempt. Please return my call at 200-8870. I will pay handsomely."

I clicked the sound on the television back on and mulled over what he had said. I already knew who he was, of course--it had been all over the papers about Ed Lowe at Keystone. There are only so many people who can afford my services, so there isn't a lot of room for coincidences in these matters.

There were only four or five people who could be calling me, asking for my help in this particular circumstance: Board members fo Keystone. I knew off the bat that I could count Mrs. O'Keefe out, clearly, and probably Bill Munger, too. He was too good a guy to be in a compromising position and too hapless to realize it even if he was. Also unlikely was Vittorio Graves, who was too old to be a suspect without a really solid motive--which nobody yet knew he had. That left the CFO, Eugene Zlomek. He made sense as a suspect; unfriendly, corrupt, young and strong...and the murder had happened at his house. So of course he hadn't done it, but the police would be positive he had.

Shit. I had to do this, didn't I?

I tuned off the television and sunk lower in my chair, closed my eyes and bowed my head. Might as well get some sleep.

#alphabet superset #murder mystery #struthless

[macil]

Where do we start?

Edit from the future: Substitute all references of website to 'blog.'

Another edit from the future: start with the Lexicon.

That is a good question and I have never found a satisfactory answer. Because there is none. There is no starting place. Even naming this website was always insufficient. What one word could I use to encompass everything I want to put here? I didn't realize how apt the name Ex Inanis was to become.

In Latin, it would be “From Nothing." Nothing could also be void, or the inane, or nonsense. We will talk a lot about “nonsense.” This name is perfect in more ways than I can count but it took awhile for me to see it. It will be explained in time. The knowledge of this website cannot be taken in isolation. It exists as a whole and each piece relies on another piece. You may personally derive benefits from any one piece in isolation, but there are concepts that only become apparent and realized when the whole is held, or when certain pieces come together. Let's try working from a high level and work our way down. What is this website about? Aside from the introductions, more concisely, this website is a love letter ; it is how to manual on how to become whole ; a manual that you don't need when you are a whole. It is a “bible” for “learning freedom.” And I have achieved that wholeness for brief times in my life and whenever it happens, I lose all my reasons for creating this website. So it never happens. So inevitably I fall off the wagon and I have to find my way back again. This website is a love letter to me that I intend to carry with me for all time. To never forget again. I am going to show you “how to correct your universe when you fuck it up." One of the rules of this website I am making from the start is that I will not refrain from posting just because it is imperfect, or a "work in progress." In this Context, there isn't enough time to get stuck in revision hell. I find that in all past incarnations where I have attempted this work, I get bogged down in perfectionism and obsessions with tone. That will not happen this time ; what is shared, is what is shared. The tone will not always be neutral. There will be errors. Clarity is not always assured. Sometimes I write shorthand in a way that only I understand. You are responsible for how you take it. Because this is considered an ongoing work -- as a whole -- revisions may occur without notice to all posts, but primarily posts that try to express understandings of Ex Inanis.

This website is a work in progress. It is not complete. But the incompleteness also represents a commitment. Until it reaches a certain threshold, my interaction with readers will be minimum. Right now, I am in the initial commitment / working phase.

I will "open" the site more as it develops and as I start extending the project.

What can others that are not “Macil” expect from this website? You can expect to have your paradigms seriously challenged. I hear you laughing. This is your only warning. I am sure you have watched movies, read books or played video games where characters go mad because they discover some deep dark secret. Other than that, the “Not Macils" are here because they are going through a personal crucible ; we all align or create what we choose ; we are our own teachers.

#introductions

[awakeshedreams]

sugar and spice ( 2 )

pairing : resident bad boy!jjk x model student!reader

setting : highschool!au x stepbrother!au

summary :

a messy highschool!au x stepbrother!au where model student reader who has quite a few dirty little secrets sees her world take an unexpected turn when her mother comes home one day with an engagement announcement, to the father of none other than the school’s resident bad boy…. Jeon Jungkook.

genre : smut, for laughs, kinda pornish, slow burn with collosaly overwhelming sexual tension

rating: soft m ( for now ) due to adult content

warnings : unconventional relationship of sexual nature, tropes and clichès, teenagers partaking in porn-esque activities, made up things with made up people happening in a made up world, don’t like don’t read XD

wordcount : 3k

a/n: honestly overwhelming response for the first part. thank you so much 💜💜💜😳

here's the second.

somehow, this took up a new genre for itself while editing and became sort of a bit enemies to friends to partners in sin.

that is to say, I have a template for this but this could go any ( dirty ) way.

let me know if you like this and are curious to know how things play out.

also, spot the cameo. it's so dumb but still. I couldn't think of anything else.

enjoy.

1 2

Paranoia was an old friend of yours.

Very real, very scary and not very nice to you, your peace of mind or your tested soul.

In your head, you already played out a million different ways the image you’d spent years building could come falling apart.

All because of him. Jeon Jungkook.

Though much to your surprise and fortune- he didn’t tell anyone.

You spent the entire weekend fretting over nothing.

It was almost like none of it ever happened.

Like your parents weren't about to tie the knot soon. Like you weren’t about to become step siblings.

Like he didn't walk in on his said step sister to be masturbating in front of a camera.

In the aftermath of that inexplicably humiliating incident, you had to make up some dumb excuse to satiate your viewers for ending the stream so abruptly.

It was your cat they heard speaking, you told them.

Cats don’t speak of course, certainly not in a deep baritone. But they were effectively distracted by the string of full nudes you posted soon after that.

Those few accusatory comments saying that you did have a boyfriend after all were buried by those coming from very horny people who were over the moon about the little apology gift.

That was out of the way, but you had a more pressing matter at hand.

That night, Jungkook had walked out after saying what he had to say without another word, leaving you feeling stunned and oddly cold.

It was like all the heat in your body just ceased to exist the moment he closed the door behind him and left you there all on your own. You didn’t even get to finish but that was beside the point.

The point was, you thought that meant like with many other things, and as people should since this was a free world, he didn’t give a shit what you did with your free time or your body.

But as the days progressed, you couldn’t help but wonder if you were gravely mistaken.

Because contrary to that, he seemed to be up to something.

These days, he came around very often. Completely unprovoked and on his own accord.

It didn’t help that your mom loved having him around and feeding him.

Sometimes he was there for lunch after school. Other times he was there to fucking read the books in the study.

It was all ridiculous and quite honestly it was starting to get on your fraying nerves.

He didn’t even live there! You grumbled in pure frustration internally every time your mom asked you to add an extra plate for him on the dining table. This was your place!

Intentional or not he seemed to just love spending his time at your house for some reason.

But that just wouldn’t do.

The thing was you didn't know how to tell him you’d like to have the peace of mind he’d robbed you of by being all up in your living space every other day back.

He couldn’t just keep coming around.

Things were awkward enough without you having to see him often so already in between fleeting glimpses at school and lingering glances over the occasional dinner.

He might have been able to play it cool because it didn’t matter to him but this was a big deal for you.

He knew your secret and what else were you to do but be on edge and fidgety around him even though it seemed like he wouldn’t say a word of it?

But in the end, you couldn’t voice out your concerns. Not to him and certainly not to your mom.

So you were stuck here.

In between a massive rock and a very hard place.

Forced to endure even though you really felt like you’d been pushed past your limit.

Because he was there all the time.

For the most random reasons doing the most random things at the most random places at the most random time.

One time he had been casually listening to music while smoking by the pool and stroking the strings of his damned, matte black guitar.

You had been so stressed from all the work at school with the elections for new committee members amongst the juniors coming up so you thought to go for a swim to relax your self.

You honestly thought no one was around.

It was a Wednesday at noon so your mother was at lunch with some friends from high school. Plus, in the back of your mind, you’d reasoned that Jungkook usually only ever came over when she was around.

So you put on your best little bikini, grabbed a floatie and a soft drink and you went out.

Only to pause when you saw him sitting on one of the white lounging chairs, just looking at you with his earphones on, fingers having stilled mid strumming with a soft veil of smoke over his face.

You didn’t need to think twice to turn back.

There had been something about how his heavy lidded gaze took you in through the smoke as he did that thing where he cocked his head to the side that made you step back and quickly go back in.

You felt yourself get impossibly hotter when you realized you were probably giving him an eyeful of your poorly covered ass in motion.

You knew he was looking. You could feel his stare. Heavy. Intent. Dark. Swirling.

Like when he'd walked in on you.

You were hot and bothered the entire day.

In the end you couldn’t get anything productive done with a straight mind. And it was all his fault.

.

It took you about two weeks to crack.

That particular evening you were decided on telling your mom about this dilemma you were in.  

Coincidentally, your mom had gone and invited him and his dad over for dinner.

Great. Just great.

You had no choice but to deeply consider the possibility of having to spill the beans another time.

Because choosing now to tell your mom meant you would probably need to tell his dad as well since they were attached at the hip every time he came over.

But no, you wouldn’t expose him in front of his father too. You weren’t cruel. Also you didn’t need the school's menace resenting you for making his strict, uptight dad turn on him.

If he didn’t have a reason to expose you before, he certainly would have one if things spiraled out that way.

So you bit your bitter tongue.

This time around, dinner was a more relaxed affair.

The weather was nice so your mom decided on a barbeque at your back yard.

This meant you wore a flowy sun dress like your mom did and he wore a loose navy shirt with the sleeves rolled up and some black casual beach shorts.

His tattoos were on full display.

You stared.

You were only distracted by them and how the patterns dance on his skin when his muscles flex as he flips whatever he is cooking on the fire because she’s never seen them in full before, you strongly reasoned.

Even with his sleeves rolled up when he was uniform, you'd only seen what he had on his forearm briefly other than the ones on the back of his hand.

That night didn’t count. It was too dim to see well. Also, that night technically didn’t exist.

Your eyes were particularly drawn to the little something peeking out the collar of his shirt.

You were too busy trying to figure out whether the curling ink around his collar bone was the flick of flames or the end of a dragon’s tail to notice that he’d lifted the hem of his shirt to wipe at the dots of sweet at his brows.

When you do, you suddenly found yourself being given an eyeful of impossibly ripped, ridged pure muscle.

You almost dropped your glass like you did your jaw.

What the holy fuck?

At that exact moment, he lifted his gaze and caught you staring.

He was probably expecting you to look away. Any decent human would expect that if they caught someone staring at them so openly. Gawking, to be completely honest.

But you didn’t. You quickly recover, pulling yourself together, and you met his gaze squarely.

You clutched the drink in your hand tight. Your pride wouldn’t let you look away.

In your own way, it was your little pay back, weak as it was.

He held your gaze with an unreadable look on his face for a moment with that signature slight tilt to his head and an added lift to his brow, before he looked away. Wordlessly, he let his shirt fall to push his hair back with his hand and went back to grilling.

You let herself breath then and tried not to think about how his biceps flexed at the motion, how his hair slicked back made him look even more dangerous and how the little smirk you caught on his lips was making you feel things she shouldn’t be.

.

Your mom suggested you all hang out at the pool once you were done eating.

You hadn’t been there since that day with him and quite frankly, you would rather not be.

Not with him.

You knew your mom had a swimsuit underneath her dress. She made you wear one as well.

She probably told them to come prepared for a swim too.

Just thinking about it made you short circuit.

You tore your gaze away from where he was standing with his father at the poolside, staring blankly at the surface as the older man talked to him about something.

You'd just come back from clearing the table with your mom.

When you guys got close enough, the men look your way. Jungkook’s eyes immediately landed on you. Meanwhile you just stare at your mom, trying to ignore his inexplicably fixed attention on you.

‘It’s shame we can’t swim.’

Your mother said, reaching for her boyfriend’s hand. She gave Jungkook a soft, apologetic smile.

‘Maybe once the weather is not so chilly.’ She sighed regretfully. ‘If I had known you were sensitive to the cold I would have suggested something else.’

‘It’s fine.’ Your eyes flicker to him. The smile he puts on is small and polite. ‘I’m not a very good swimmer anyway I’m afraid.’

‘Nonsense.’ She dismissed in good nature. ‘I heard you were quite the athlete in middle school. It’s all your father ever talks about sometimes. Right, honey?'

His father just grumbled.

You couldn’t hide your surprise at this revelation. You didn’t know this before.

Jungkook was quiet for a moment. Then he smiles a little with a shrug.

‘That was in the past.’

Your eyes just glided to him when he said that.

The tug at his lip looked wry and sad.

You’d never seen him like this before.

Solemn. Sombre. Not serious or intimidating or indifferent.

It felt like you were viewing him in a new light.

.

You settled on drinks by the pool. It was what your mom does to lighten things up.

It seemed like the gloom from earlier wasn’t all part just a part of your imagination.

Her mother suddenly chirped in between the light conversation.

'Why don't you guys get together and have a little group study?'

You suppressed the urge to groan and roll your eyes to the back of your head. You knew what she was trying to do and you wanted no part in it.

You had the words no way sitting at the tip of you tongue.

You had the words no way sitting at the tip of you tongue.

He beat you to it.

'That sounds nice,' he dared to say, even politely addressing your mom with Mrs. alongside her surname in the end uttered just the way she liked. 'I'd like that.’

You gawked at him in disbelief. Complete and utterly speechless.

Was he insane ??

'Doesn't it? Great!' Your mom is over the moon. 'Dear, take him to the study. You guys can do your teenager things and get along over books there.'

.

Your mom was loving and caring and she only ever wanted the best for you. You knew this.

Maybe she wanted them to get to know each other. Or maybe she just wanted to have some alone time with her man.

Either way, she practically shoved you two into the house with so much enthusiasm you wondered if she really loved you because suddenly you found yourself stuck inside your house with the last person you wanted to be with and you did not feel safe or rested.

The walk up the spirally stairs to the study had got to be one of the most intense, dragging moments of your whole life.

He remained a few steps behind you all through out the journey, following your lead in his own leisured pace.

A few steps too damn far behind in your opinion.

From that angle, you had a strong inkling that he could see your underwear from beneath your dress.

You knew this because you were familiar with what it felt like when he was staring.

What you couldn’t quite explain is why you didn't do a thing about it.

.

If awkward silence could manifest into a solid form for being so intense, there would have been a third occupant in the room the moment you two walked into the study.

It would’ve been so massive, all the high shelves and wooden tables lined up would have been demolished.

Jungkook remained the quiet person he was, looking around and skimming through the books on the shelves.

You were standing a safe distance away from him, absently doing the same. The books were interesting and all but you were admittedly more taken by the ink on his skin.

Up close you could clearly see the artistic patterns and symbols etched onto him.

While staring at the tats on his knuckles you couldn't help but also notice that the titles he picked up were rather complex.

Certainly not the kind of thing even high intellects reached for. Evidently, those tomes had been collecting dust in there for ages.

You were decidedly curious. Itching to ask. Hell, dying to know.

You dived before you could overthink it and find reasons not to satiate your rabid curiosity.

'You like Reader?' he paused and looked at you from the corner of his eyes. At his questioning look she gesture to the book he was holding. 'That's the third book of theirs you picked up.'

'Yeah.' he said casually, nodding a little while flipping through it. 'Their books are nice.'

A crippling lapse of silence ensues.

You tore your gaze away from his profile to stare at the titles in front of you with a burn at your cheeks, fiddling with the polished spines.

How fucking awkward. All of this.

He probably felt the same.

What were you even doing?

You thought about telling him to ignore your mom’s attempt at trying to make the two of you get along. He obviously wasn’t looking for company or a friend. Quite frankly, neither were you. Certainly not from him. You were just trying to be not rude. Something you aren’t really surprised he probably failed to understand in all honesty.

But then he spoke, dragging you out of your reverie.

'What about you?'

Your head shot up and you found that he was standing a lot closer than before, having moved to reach for yet another complicated book to idly browse through at the top shelf.

This close, you could can smell him. Soft mint and clean soap and moonlight, not smoke. He disregarded the pages in his hands to give you a side way glance.

‘What do you like?’

There was a perpetual spark swimming in the dark depth of his eyes. It was striking. Pretty even.

When he lightly raised a brow at you, your thoughts jumbled all over before it fell back into place and you realized you were staring very openly.

But this time was different from the last time. When he had been miles away, flashing you his ripped abs.

In your reverie, you hadn’t notices that he had leaned a little to meet your eyes, and that he was real close. Like real close, looking at you intently with his head cocked to the side questioningly, like he was wondering what was going on inside your head. You could feel his breath fanning your face.

Shit.

'Uh,’ you scrambled for an answer, quickly tearing your gaze away from him to appraise the bookshelf. Your face felt like it was on fire. Considering how he hadn’t moved, he could probably see just how blazed in the face you were. Out of pure instinct, you grabbed a random book and shoved it into him to make some space in between your bodies.

Maybe with a little too much force. There was a dull thump and it made you wince.

'This.’

You hated how squeaky and breathless you sounded. Like you’d just ran a marathon. Might as well have, with how hard and fast your heart was pounding.

Jungkook took it from you, and you allowed yourself to look at him as he looked the cover over, completely fine, like you hadn’t just smacked him in the chest with a book.

The corner of his lips lifted a little as he flipped it over, cocking his head the other way before he chanced you a glance, making you blink rapidly and stand on edge.

'You sure?' he asked, sounding pretty amused. You were confused for a moment until he held  it up for you to see, flashing you a full on toothy grin like you’d never seen on him before. 'You like books about horse gentilia?'

The jump in your chest was something you quickly dismissed as being one of sinking dread rather than anything else.

All the color that had been congesting your face washed away.

If there was a time you truly wished the ground would swallow your entire existence whole, it would be right then and there.

 

word is telling me I made up the word genitilia but I’m pretty sure it’s real because it just rolls off the tongue ( smooth ) like butter like a criminal under the cover.

the hole is one of the recurring characters so please be nice to it.

alot of things happening here if you squint and look closely.

any-whomst've, hope you all liked it. let me know if you did and I don't know come say hi? 😳 have a nice day 💜

#bangtan #bts #bts imagine #bts fanfic #bts smut #bts imagines #bts scenario #jeon jungkook #jungkook scenario #jungkook imagine #jungkook smut #bts x reader #jungkook x reader #bts high school au #jungkook high school au #bts au #jungkook au

[tipsydipsydo]

Der Geliebte

Pairing: Jungkook x artist! Reader

Gender of the Reader: female

Word Count: 6.4k 

Rating: 16+

AU: non idol! Jungkook x artist! Reader AU!

Genre: strangers to lovers AU; friends to lovers AU! (idiots to lovers AU!); love at the first sight! AU; soulmate to lovers! AU (kinda?); unbelievable amount of fluff; a little angst (fluffy angst!!,); tiny amount of smut (one paragraph xD)

Warnings: tiny bit of smut/some sexual tension between both of them; Jungkook is a poor shy thing and is fucking nervous around the reader all the time; teeth rotting fluff; both are so in love with each other that they’re getting stupid to not realize it; both are insecure that they’re not meant for another... just fluff, fluff, fluff and painfully obvious pining over each other! 

A/N: Hallelujah, I finally did it! After I made Sibi @borathae​ wait over three months for her Christmas + Birthday Fanfic I finished it two weeks to late for my sweetest Darlings Birthday! I am so incredibly sorry that I made you wait for such a long time and really, Sweetie, you have all the rights to be still mad at my stupid ass! Nevertheless... I love you so goddamn much and I hope the fic made at least a little bit up for it... Love you!!!! 💕 💕 

Summary: You and Jungkook met right at the first day you opened your own atelier in Seoul after you had to leave your old home behind you. You love paint canvas with landscape motives, other people just roll with their eyes when they hear that you choose such usual, almost boring things to paint. Not so Jungkook, he seems to be different than most of visitors. It’s almost like he can read your feelings through your paintings...

Status: Edited (I am sorry for any still existing errors in here!) 

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「© tipsydipsydo」

This following story is my intellectual property and belongs only to my blog tipsydipsydo.tumblr.com!

I’ll not accept any kind of reposting, stealing or using/editing my work!

That includes reposting my content on other social media platforms too, even when you link me as the original author.

Thank you.

* Jungkook’s POV * 

"In what are you getting yourself into, Jungkook?"

 I quietly ask myself as I get rid of my clothes behind the paravent and throw the dressing gown over his body which you laid out for me. My hands are sweaty, they tremble slightly and my heart beats wildly, as if it wants to jump right out of my chest. Excitement spreads throughout my body, leaving a faint feeling in my stomach and a certain blush rises in my cheeks. I still can't believe what I've gotten myself into . But... you looked at me so pleadingly with your dear and downright innocent eyes that I would have done anything for you with that look of yours. I want to make you happy, see that happy and contented smile on your lips, which always makes a whole horde of wild butterflies break out in my belly. 'Normally I was the shyness and silence in person and with you... with her, I feel for the first timesomething like peace and security. Especially when I consider how shy I usually am around women.', I ask myself and I don't really know the answer to that. But what can I do against my feelings? I don't really know, on the one hand they scare me, on the other hand they feel so exciting and new that I don't want to eliminate them at all.

I don't even know exactly when the whole thing started. In which moment my feelings for you grew, when I felt more than just fascination and admiration for you and your artwork. Six months ago, a small studio had opened in my district, your own studio. On the day of the opening I simply went to it of pure curiosity, I had always had such a weakness for art and photography.

I can still remember exactly how I stood in front of one of your works and was literally speechless and overwhelmed by this picture and all his small details. This painting represents a classic image of the countryside, which was often to be found everywhere. But this work was different. So full of small details and ornaments. It was so much more... As a viewer you can see a beautiful clearing, which is surrounded by trees and protected from too many curious eyes. The ground of this clearing is overgrown with dense and lush green grass, which from the incoming sunlight almost invites you to let yourself fall into the grass. It reminds me instantly of my carefree childhood, when I rolled in it without overthinking my actions too much and those times when I playfully wrestled with my best friends around until our clothes had grass stains all everywhere. I could almost smell the scent of wild, untamed nature. The longer I look at the picture, the greater the longing became. Maybe I could visit this beautiful place one day, together with my partner, my significant other. Playing around with each other, chasing your beloved one until you fall into the grass breathless laughing and cuddling. Maybe we could have a picnic there and feed each other with homemade sweets? 

I didn’t know that such a "simple" landscape painting could touch and awaken so much more in me, in my soul. Suddenly, such a wanderlust came over me that I gasped for air and a heavy lump formed in my throat. My whole body was tingling and my heart was literally screaming to get away from this dreadfully grey and monotonous daily routine of my boring single life, for at least some weeks. I want to go to this place, where I could draw the warm and fresh, natural air could deep into my lungs and pamper myself with homemade delicacies. Just to let the soul dangle and don’t stuck with my closely clocked work life. Maybe sleep until 10 o'clock in the morning and then maybe have a nice nap later. Enjoy the warm nights and hear the crickets chirping. This longing was... irrepressible. This particular wanderlust for nature, just to be out of the city, this longing for exactly this abandoned and untouched forest clearing literally overwhelmed me. What was it for an artist who could trigger such feelings and emotions in me?

I had been so absorbed in the artwork that I had not even noticed that a person step next to me. "Do you like the work?", asked a soft melodic voice, which spoke perfect Korean, but was pervaded by a light accent, which I could not quite assign. I flinched a little, but this bright, happy laugh gave me a tingling goosebumps all over my body. What a beautiful laugh... I turned to the person who was the owner of this beautiful voice. I was startled when I realized that the artist and owner of this studio was standing in front of me personally. I recognized her again, as I had seen a small photo of her in the newspaper article that drew my attention to this beautiful studio in the first place. Already in this picture she had radiated something so strong, colorful, cheerful and lively, which caused an excited flutter in my stomach. 

I admit, I already laid an eye on her just by her appearance. Unfortunately I always had a hard time getting to know people ever since, let alone to talk to women. And now having you, Y/N, personally standing right in front of me, made me feel fluffy and excited in my stomach. Nothing is left of this otherwise so sassy and self-confident  man that I used to be. Only a nervous and stodgy twenty-three-year-old idiot, who did not know what to say or wanted to say, now stands in front of this stunningly pretty and intelligent woman.

Her eyes sparkles like jewels, full of joy, struck me with interest and a playful smile lays on her lips. "Did you not understand my question?", she asked kindly, but nobly reserved. Immediately a rosy puff settled on my cheeks and I stuttered nervously: "Y-Yes, excuse me! I... I was just somewhere else with my thoughts and was completely surprised that they were addressing me personally.... Your works are truly unique! They still show such ‘usual’ motifs and yet they are so special because of these finely elaborated details and this passion with which this work of art was painted. They really are... Unique artworks that you do not forget so quickly. Even for untrained eyes as my owns, I can see that a talented artist has worked on it. I am very impressed by your work, especially this work here!" You could hear the honest admiration from my voice and my heart leapt as she reacted bashful to all of my compliments.

"Thank you, really, thank you so much! I really appreciate to hear such nice words like yours, even if it is rare. I am often criticized for my ‘lack of creativity’, caused by my chosen motives. I just love the rough, almost untouched landscapes of my hometown, I try to depict the ‘normal’ as something beautiful, unique. I would like to ‘really see’ what we already take for granted again. As a wonderful creation, a work of art. Nature is a wonderful example of this, or the architecture of buildings as well. Architects are also artists, although unfortunately they are not seen as such. I just want to offer the obvious things a more meaningful space again.... People like you have become rare. I have observed how you have recognized the true meaning, this beauty and aesthetics in such a ‘usual-looking’ motif. And this pleases me so much that you can read 'between the brushstrokes'. Oh... Excuse me, I always talk way too much when someone shows an interest in art or music, my personal passions. Besides that, I have not introduced myself to you yet, I am Y/N! I was obviously so pleased to see your understanding, empathetic look at this work, if you understand what I mean... Anyway... I can guess that you knew my name already, don't you? What about you? May I know your name?", asked you, beautiful artist, with her really stunning smile.

I swallowed nervously, never before had a young lady mixed my emotions so much in me. Even the picture of her in the newspaper article, which I had read out of boredom in one of my lectures, got me so emotionallyconfused. I didn't want to say it in front of my teasing friends, but I had been really excited when I set off this Friday night. And now the creator of these works of art stood before me and seemed to want to have a longer conversation with me. My heart beats to my throat and I got sweaty hands from this nervousness in my poor body. Honestly, as soon as I wasn't surrounded by my clique of friends, I automatically turned into a nervous, slightly abashed blushing and stuttering guy who behave like an inexperienced teenager. 

In private life, without my best mates by the side, I am not so confident and daredevil. After all, I always had someone who could cover my back when things get tough, while I am on my own without anyone I know. You could usually only believe and trust, not control. That's probably why I struggled with interpersonal relationships. I always overthink too much and have some struggles with my self-confidence.

And now this attractive young woman looked at me with such interest and joy, just me. I was actually the reason for her interest. A joyful and blissful tingling seized every pore, every fiber of my body. Yes, in fact it was just me! Not my best buddy Seokjin, whom I have known since childhood and always sought the attention of everyone. It was no exaggeration to say that he was perhaps a little narcissistic, but only to cover up his own insecurities. Never would I have thought that someone would manage to get this personification of self-love under control. I admired his wife for standing up to Seokjin and keeping him and his dad Jokes at bay. Believe it or not, she of all people had the pants on in the house and knew how to deal with my best friend.

My gaze glided over the figure of the person in front of me and once again I took a sharp breath. I was so nervous to face her personally, a person I already deeply admired and had quite a respect for. I simply did not want to do anything wrong, even if this charm of hers was almost tangible and paralyzed my entire brain with its function. I can already picture how my mind waved wildly goodbye to myself and went to the summer holiday in the Caribbean.

This carefree smile and these beautiful eyes harmonized wonderfully with your complexion. Your features were awake and alive, seemingly always a slight smile surrounded the corners of your mouth, which provoked almost paradoxical reactions in my body. Your smile awake countless butterflies to flutter around in my stomach, which made me quite nervous and at the same time you radiated such a sense of security and calm, as if there was no reason not to get a word out of shyness. My gaze, which I hope examined you unobtrusively enough, wandered to your hands. You had long fingers, I could really imagine how they elegantly held the handle of the paint brushes and worked on these small details extensively in such a calm behavior. Which satisfied and concentrated calmness you possibly radiated while doing that...

A small, noble clearing of your throat again tore me out of my fantasies and speculations. God, what was I today but inattentive! How rude I must have seemed to you...

"Oh, sorry... I... I have not been able to keep my thoughts together all day..." I lied to seem at least a little more credible. Nervously, I pulled on the knot of my tie to loosen it up a little before I have a circulatory collapse. Before I went here, I thought for a long time about what I should wear for this occasion. Jeans and T-shirt were out of the question, too casual and almost an insult for your atelier. A complete suit, however, seemed too overdressed to me and so I decided for a black dress pants and a dark blue dress shirt.Understanding, Y/N nodded and gave me a cheering smile, which made my body tingle again. This woman drove me half crazy alone with his friendly gestures. How could it be that this polite lady got me confused right away?!

And somehow, it gave me a frenzy to leave my secure, anonymous side as a visitor to her exhibition and irrevocably reveal my true identity to you.

"My name is Jeon Jungkook."I answered in a slightly trembling voice, hardly daring to look into her eyes and rubbing my neck unobtrusively.

* Jungkook’s POV *

If only I had guessed what would change in me, how you changed me. That so much more would develop from a pure interest and a simple formal business contact... that you want to make me one of your artworks.

I take another deep breath before I dare to step out from behind the dark red paravent. It is pleasantly warm in this room, I should not freeze, if I am already so freely clothed. My gaze wanders through the small room with the huge, floor-to-ceiling window, which floods the entire room with light. The walls of the room have been painted in a dark orange and red colors and dark wooden planks lay out on the floor. It looks so comfortable due to the warm, dark tones. The orange-yellow evening sun dipped everything into something so cozy... sensual. Somehow into even a little erotic?

Y/N wants to work a lot with the light of the evening sun in this painting, which could be a little complicated if it is not suitable or if it is cloud-covered. But if you have put something into your head, especially in relation to your art, then you do everything you can do to go through it! Also the changing forces of nature cannot stop you from trying to realize your idea. Sometimes, you’re  someone who is quickly frustrated and dissatisfied with yourself as well, especially when something doesn't work as  you wants it to. Nevertheless when it comes to your passion, drawing and painting, you don’t let your idea go away, if you want something, you’ll find a way to make it happen. These are qualities that I know all too well of myself and thus my fascination about you only grows even more. The more time we spent together and I get to know more and more sides of you, the more attracted I became to you.

Your art means a lot to you and you’re quite tough in this respect, can not be overcome by the reproaches and the crushing criticism. That’s exactly what I admire so much about you, having the courage to stand up for personal passion. When I get criticized, all too often I think about really giving up on it, so that I don't have to endure all this criticism anymore. And then I look at you. How focused you are in this moment and carefully prepare for your next project. How you adjusts you easel to the right height, let your self-stretched canvas snap into place, spreads brushes of all sizes and shapes on the small side table next to you and prepares youracrylic colours. I swallow again, as I watched this happen. I am about to become one of your next artworks.

A little uncertainly I walk towards Y/N, the thin dressing gown tightly drawn around my body... never before have I felt so naked and vulnerable. This here is something else. I feel something about it... I feel something for you. For this pretty lady, who sprays her cheerfulness around her and could conjure a smile on the lips of even the most grumpy person. This joy almost kills you, completely engrossed this person and gives you the feeling of floating. You will get the feeling of being welcome at Y/N. To be accepted, with all the flaws and weaknesses that one has. She just smiles at you so gently and lovingly and just says, it's okay. It's okay to be the way you are. Imperfect.

"It is precisely this imperfect, this contradictory and also unpredictable thing that makes us human. That makes us an individual and also interesting. If we were really all as we are expected to be, it would be boring and monotonous. The surprise is only a real gift. Each of us is a very individual gift to a very specific addressee, who is the only one who can truly appreciate this gift. Only then did the recipient find the right person as his gift... Well, if the recipient knows about his gift...", Y/N once said with such a certain look at me, when we went out to dinner together in a restaurant in the evening to clarify some details. I wanted to help her find good contacts in Seoul and help her sell her works.

I can still remember it exactly... it was a quite... extraordinary evening. I was of course once again incredibly nervous and excited. At that time, I did not want to fully realize how much I already like you. Secretly, I had observed my opposite. Your positive and friendly disposition had turned my head all around... and in addition, this beautiful body and her elegant fingers, which already haunt me in the most erotic way unintentionally in my dreams. 

I could not prevent my dream pictures from shooting through my head, which is why my cheeks turned dark red in embarrassment. These fucking fantasies in my head! My eyes stare at the cutlery as if it were incredibly interesting because I didn't dare look up. There were scenes in my mind that made my ears turn red and I would’ve loved to hide behind the menu card. Your body, which made her look like a Greek goddess.

Naked, body covered in sweat, your body shook in lust, you sit up with a wonderful moan... You are on top of me, I could admire your beautiful, almost divine body as you sat on top of me... and rode me. This breathtakingly beautiful distorted face of yours, as if all this pleasure you feel is carved in marble... lids closed, your lips, swollen from all the kissing, are slightly opened which let    your lustful whimpering escape. This grace and elegance, as you rose from me and  then lowered yourself again... as your hands glide erratically over my stomach, searching for support... you suddenly threw your head back and clenched even more tightly around my length. The addicting sounds you’ve made... it’s like the most beautiful melody in my ears... squelching noises and even more of yourjuices gushing out of your sweet, so sweet pussy when you came...

An all-too-familiar laugh tore me out of my extremely indecent thoughts, which quite relieved me at first. Until I raised my head and not too far away I recognized no one but my best friend Kim Seokjin, who made very questionable hand signals in my direction. Oh my God, no! I knew that he had recently changed his job and got accepted for a position as a chef in a new restaurant... but not in this Restaurant! He will never let me life after he found out I was on a “Date” with a woman...

Even though Seokjin was on the other side of the restaurant, I could almost feel his smirk on my own skin. Fuck it, just pretend as if you do not know each other and hit him really hard tomorrow morning in the gym where we meet up for our work out. I quickly turned all my attention back to the person sitting opposite me and tried to ignore Seokjin as best I could.

It was only at the end of the evening, when I had said goodbye to Y/N, that I realized that this meeting had much more of a date than a "business dinner". How familiar we had talked with each other... how much I had thought about licking Y/N the drop from the chocolate sauce of her lava cake from her lips... how it would be... to kiss and touch you...

A noticeable blush has settled on my cheeks as I attended our first meeting together... or even Date in this Restaurant thought back. Four months had passed since then and I suffered from longing for you. You would never see me like I saw you. The reason you wanted to draw me was simply that she needed someone as a model. In addition to landscapes and cities, you want to devote herself gradually to more other motifs. And since I have been the first inquired. Your pleading eyes made me say yes. But I know that for me you have  no more than the feelings for a casual friendship. It hurts to see how you flirt  around so casually with all those other people. I would never be the gift for you as you are for me. If only the recipient would notice that there is a given heart laying in your hands...

"Ah, Jungkook! I’m glad that you're ready!", your cheerful and melodic voice cuts through the silence of the room and you’re walking towards me with excited shining eyes. "Come~," you say and lead me to the chaiselongue, which is placed in front of the large window. The soft, orange light of the evening sun falls on the wine-red fabric of the restored chaiselounge in baroque style. The upholstery has frames covered in gold and also the lion feet on which this historic furniture stands are gilded. Everything was decorated with so many Details, it looks so incredibly elegant and luxurious. On the left side there are some cushions in the same color and an elegant design is carved on the backrest, literally inviting to get used.

"Surely you know the movie 'Titanic', right? Do you remember the scene where Jack used charcoal pencils to draw an nude coal picture of Rose as she laid on the sofa? I would like to draw you in a similar position. I hope it's okay for you if I look at you more closely without a dressing gown... i want to get an overview of your body proportions.", you say, looking me straight in the eye. I notice that you’re very concerned about my privacy and does not want to overstep any of my personal boundaries without my consent. I nod slightly at first until I get a clear yes over my lips. She looks at me silently for a few seconds before reassuring me once again that we can always stop at any time if I feel uncomfortable. Especially your patience and mindfulness of my boundaries shows me how important it is for you as well and how I actually relax noticeably. Y/N smiles cheerfully at me and I slowly loosen the belt of the dressing gown and let the last garment slide to the ground. I feel her in-depth look at me... he is not uncomfortable... only... exciting... in a few different ways.

I swallow again and lie down on the chaiselongue as instructed. You correct my arm and leg position, also rearrange all of the cushions correctly. To my own relief, you put a red cloth over my crotch area. Not that I am ashamed of anything, I am more than comfortable with you already... I just have some worries that I will get a visible problem if I constantly feel your look on my bare skin.

 "It should be able to guess something, but not be allowed to see everything right away...", she whispered with a smile, before her fingertips unintentionally glide tenderly through my happy trail. One of your last smiles are... not really to interpret. Then you return to your easel.

* The Reader’s POV *

Carefully you sit down on your old painting stool, already quite worn out on the edges and stained with the most different types and tones of colors. It had originally been dark brown. You smile dreamily when you think back that you’re used to dangle your legs around when you were a little kid because it was way too big for you back then. For eighteen years now you have exactly this stool and this easel. They had been a gift from your grandfather for your fifth birthday. He had awakened the passion of painting and drawing in you and passed his talent on to you. A certain melancholy seized you when I thought back to how you used to paint your first real picture on canvas with your new easel in the old music room in your grandfather's country house. 

It had been the old, dusty grand piano, which must have been more than a hundred years old at that time. How the country house survived all these wars unscathed, you ask yourself to this day. Perhaps there had already been something magical about it at that time, which should remain untouched. Perhaps the small estate should remain an inconspicuous symbol of hope, the hope that at some point the sun and peace will return when the unbearable suffering and sorrow of this cruel time is over. When the wars were over and all those seeking protection who had fled to this country house were able to return to their own homes again. This house, this estate you can explain your childhood with a single word. Home.

You lift your thought-lost look from your empty, folded hands and look to Jungkook. He takes your breath away every time you see him. He is so special, such a wonderful and yet you firmly believe that he has not been chosen for you, such an ordinary woman as you are. He would belong to someone else with whom he would be happy, although he is the only one who was able to understand and read your works, the language in them. It... it had been such a beautiful moment when, six months ago, he stood in your newly opened studio, so absorbed by the painting of the forest of your childhood. All the other visitors had only looked at it briefly and smiled wearily at the fact that it was again only a landscape painting, but did not grasp what the story behind this work was. Why the artist chosed this very motif, to see, to feel what the creator wanted to communicate through the work. 

But Jungkook had been different. He had given the work, your personal heart, a chance to unravel the true meaning behind it. He did it slowly, bit by bit with his eyes... grasped with his whole mind and heart and finally let himself be influenced as a whole. You could tell from his body reactions that he felt exactly what you had felt when you painted it last summer. Longing. Infinite Longing. Mixed together with melancholy, a little homesickness and sorrow to a unique emotional color. The day you painted it was the last time you saw the house in your official possession. Your grandfather had left it to you. But unfortunately you lacked money, you had to pay some debts and with the best will you could not earn the money in other ways. So you had to sell it with a heavy heart. Your beloved birth and childhood home and the associated lands, you had to sell your true home away. The picture is the only thing left of it. And Jungkook was the only person who understood what you wanted to express with the painting. Longing. My Homesickness.

When all these sensations came upon him, he involuntarily clenched his hands tightly, his chest lifted and lowered quickly, his Adam's apple hopped repeatedly. His eyes were glassy. He experienced your longing as directly as you did. He... is so special. So infinitely amiable. He... he is the only person who’s able to read your true feelings in your works. He is able to read between your brush strokes.

So today you will try him... to paint a confession of love with this act. Maybe he could read... what you feel for him. Even if you know that you will probably never see him again. Because you would not be the recipient of his love and affection. He's just too... too... gifted for a simple artist like you. He would never be your gifted person.

Your gaze glides tenderly and caressingly over his body. Trying to absorb every little detail of his body, his charisma and his character into you and let it flow into the painting. Every birthmark you want to put on the canvas and hold on. You want to show Jungkook how beautiful he is. How godlike he lies before you on this majestic chaiselongue, how masculine and muscular he is, as if he wanted to embody an Adonis. You want to paint every muscle, even the smallest visible muscle, on the canvas in a realistic manner, you want to capture the strength and security that he conveys to you over and over again and make it visible to him. And yet... his gaze often corresponds to that of an intimidated, insecure fawn, which does not dare to want to get up on his legs on his own. The fear of falling again is too big. Through this painting you want to show Jungkook what he really is, what he represents for you and what you feel for him. He is... so contradictory. He is strong, godlike, powerful... and at the same time, so infinitely uncertain, vulnerable... almost pure.

Silence enters your little studio, only the regular breathing of the other and the muffled noise of the busy world outside the door could be heard. Here... here, it feels like time is standing still for a moment for the two of you. Your shared eternity had begun.

To your happiness that it is summer right now and it stays bright for a long time. Today you take more time than usual to mix colors. You want to mix a shade that perfectly matches his skin tone. You want to get the exact color of his black hair down onto the canvas, and the perfect brown for his beautiful eyes. The evening sun and the leaves of the huge treetops in front of the large window conjure up the most beautiful patterns on his immaculate body. A game of light and shadow. It seems to you that Jungkook's body, every single pore of his body has a tiny diamond, so that he begins to sparkle in the sunlight like an infinitely precious jewel. The evening sun warms him, lays a thin layer of sweat over his body. Every detail you try to bring to the canvas, every feeling, every movement of my heart, everything you feel for him, you want to bring to this canvas. You want to make him a masterpiece. Because for you, he is the most beautiful specimen, the only true crown of the human creation.

Some black strands have come loose from his manbun and have fallen on his forehead. It looks stunning, to see him like that. I had never seen him with a messy or even completely open hair... but even now these strands loosened from the braid make his facial features look so much softer and more relaxed. In it, the adult and strong man united with a young, vulnerable, shy boy. The result is... infinitely beautiful. He possesses both sides, so he makes the seemingly inexhaustible divine human being.

His eyes, drawing his eyes with that expression in them, cost you a lot of nerves. Too often you misunderstood this infinite longing that you find in his dark, brown eyes. Again and again you have to restrain yourself, not just to get up, to go over to him... and to kiss him.

This longing look you misinterpret is as longing as you own... according to your closeness, your touch, your affection... according to your love. Because you love him. You love everything about him, his sheepish laugh, the way of rubbing his neck shyly, the way he speaks and explains his point of views about things, how he smells... just everything... every blemish he blames on himself, you think it’s like an artwork on him. He is so perfectly imperfect that you just fell in love with him.

The sun has already set and only the last pink and purple streaks could be seen in the sky, with which the past day says goodbye to the world. One last time you can hear the velvety stroke of the brush over the canvas before you finally put the brush aside. It is finished. You have given everything that is in your power, used all of your artistic abilities and knowledge to the utmost and you have incorporated everything that you feel and think about into this artwork. And what you see put a smile on your lips, but also makes your pulse rise. What will Jungkook say when he looks at it? He will see it... can he read what you feel for him in it?

With a trembling voice, you call Jungkook and look at him one last time. The last time the sight of this male beauty was granted to you. One last time.

After Jungkook has wrapped himself in the dressing gown again, he slowly comes towards you and your easel. Your heart is throbbing as if it really wants to fearfully flight and jump out of your chest. Your body gets hot and cold at the same time and suddenly your hands get sweaty, the dried color on your skin mixes with the sweat to a uncomfortable mess in your palms, which somehow makes you even more nervous. Then he stands next to you. Looking at the canvas for the first time himself. The last brushstroke is still drying.

Once again there is silence, which makes you incredibly nervous and with every second that passes, you want to follow your instinct to escape. Jungkook's pupils are dilated and blown out, whether with bewilderment or horror, you can not recognize. One of his hands shoots up his mouth, he trembles all over his body. Suddenly you hear a suppressed, throaty sobbing. Surprised and a little appalled, you look at Jungkook, who has shut his eyes tightly and presses the palm of his hand even harder on his mouth, as if he wants to muffle every sound. Tears escape the corners of his eyes. This is a reaction... which you would not have expected...

Gently, mindful of any kind of resistance, you wrap your arms around his neck and hold him. He doesn't say anything, he doesn't sob, he doesn't whimper. He just cries. Tenderly, consolingly you hold him, without wanting to distress him. He literally presses his face into the crook of your neck. Salty tears drench your blouse, but it doesn't bother you. The reason why he had such an emotional outburst, you just don't understand. But still... it's okay. It is valid.

As he slowly calms down and his breathes becomes regularly again, he carefully lifts his head out of the crook of your neck and wipes the last tears out of his eyes dry in slight embarrassment. He slowly releases himself from your embrace until you finally stand silently in front of each other.

"What title you’ll give this artwork?", he asks softly, in a rough, throaty voice. You swallow . "It shall be called 'Der Geliebte'. ...it is german and translated it means... ‘The beloved’ ", you say barely audibly and lower your head. After this confession, you can no longer look him in the eyes.

Jungkook takes a sharp breath in and you're actually just waiting for a devastating response from him that would be like a death threat. But nothing of this happened. Instead, your chin is suddenly raised by his fingertips and you look into Jungkook's beautiful eyes. He bites his lower lip a little uncertainly,his own gaze falls on your pretty shaped lips. 

"Do you... do you allow me to kiss you?", he asks quietly... barely audible for you even though you’re standing so close to each other. He doesn't dare to look you into the eyes after such a question, he is too afraid that you deny his request. But you can hardly believe your luck, a high pitched ‘yes!’ flew over your lips and before you can control yourself, you press your own lips right onto his. They are incredibly soft and kiss you back in such a delightfully and endearing insecure and shy manner as no other could ever have done it.

Your heart beats full of joy and bliss and in your belly, the butterflies fly somersaults of all different kinds that your whole body began to tingle. Your mind cannot get a grasp of all this yet, but this... you don't need any more of it at this moment anyway.

The kiss is tender, shy and somewhat uncertain from both sides. Jungkook is very insecure and shy, but before he can escape like a frightened deer again, you put your arms around his neck and let your hands rest in the nape of his scalp. Again and again you detach yourselves from each other only for the fraction of a second to get a breath of air into your lungs in order to find each other lips again... until you stopped for a few seconds.

"I like you... I like you really, really much, Jungkook... I even dare to say that I fell on love with you.", you mutter softly against his lips. His shy, happy smile was too much for you, so you immediately kiss him again. Perhaps because of the sheer joy and maybe of the certainty that he feels the same for you, the next kiss turns into something more passionate than before...

#bts jungkook #bts fanfic #bts pov #bts fluff #kpop fanfics #kpop bts #jeon jungkook #bts friends to lovers #bts smut #bts x artist! reader #bts imagines #bts x reader #jungkook x y/n #shy jungkook #jungkook x reader #bts angst #bts scenarios #kpop smut #jungkook fluff #freinds to lovers au #soulmate au bts #fluff attack #by tipsydipsydo

[hoodharlow]

Como Antes

AN: So I'm gonna include this in the El Novio Quarantine Edition masterpost, so y'all don't confused with original El Cumpleañero on the actual El Novio masterpost. Also to shout out to @findingliam-o and her y/n-esque dreams that brought this baby back to existence.

Requested: by steph i guess lol, ilysm bby

Warnings: smut, brief angst and mentions of shitty boyfriend that gave out baby Claudia shit for not being a virgin

Word Count: 3.6k words

Claudia’s finger followed the words on the computer screen as she wrote down the quote she was going to use for her paper. She hated reading off PDFs because it made her eyes tired. She liked having physical copies of her assigned readings because she paid more attention to what was being said and she could write in the margins little annotations. The book she needed was at Calum’s house and there was no way in hell she was going to go back to his place after what Ashton said.

Calum had called and texted her nonstop, but she ignored him. She was just embarrassed that she acted like a coward. She should have stood her ground and told Ashton he was wrong about her. But she didn’t.

Even Michael and Sierra called her to check in on her after hearing through Luke that something happened between her and Ashton. Claudia ignored her too and the past week she acted like they didn’t exist. She just wanted the ground to swallow her whole and make Calum forget about her existence.

Frustrated with the reading she got up from her desk chair and went to the kitchen to get a snack. She grabbed a juice box and reheated some noodles she ordered the other day.

The house was surprisingly quiet. Her housemates went out to some frat party Ale's brother was throwing. They invited Claudia, but she wasn't in the mood to go. After getting home from Calum's, she cried at how stupid Ashton made her feel. They comforted her, reminding her that Calum knew her and that Ashton is a jerk that doesn’t know her.

She dumped her noodles on a plate and soaked the pan. She took her plate and went back to her room. Claudia knew she wasn't going to get her work done that night, so she pulled up Netflix. She stumbled on a show about three women robbing a grocery store because one of them had a daughter with a bad kidney and another was about to lose her house because her husband was a cheating piece of shit. While the other is just a mess working a minimum wage job.

Claudia was deep in IMDB trying to figure out where she saw the mistress, when she heard the doorbell. She paused the show and made her way to the front door. She peeked through the window sills and saw Ariel red hair.

Ashton.

She rolled her eyes and went to open the door.

"What do you want?" She deadpanned when she opened the door. She reached for a blanket and stepped outside.

"Hello to you too." Ashton sassed.

"What do you want?" Claudia repeated.

"I came to apologize. Calum hasn't talked to me in days and— why are you rolling your eyes?"

"Because you're full of shit. You're only here so you can go back to Cal and tell him you apologized so he can talk to you again. You only care about making yourself feel good after you stuck your nose where it's not supposed to be."

"Claudia,"

"Oh now it's Claudia. I was really starting to think my name was radio girl."

"You're really making it hard to apologize."

"I'm not. I'm just saying that just how you didn't give a fuck about my feelings when you told Cal that I'm only with him to catch some dick, I don't care about yours. If you came to apologize then do it."

Ashton was quiet. Claudia scoffed and turned back to go inside.

"Claudia, I'm sorry," He began. She turned back and leaned against the door frame. "It was shitty of me to say that about you. You're right, it wasn't my place to tell Cal that. In addition I shouldn't assume your sexual history."

"More like a lack of sexual history." Claudia mumbled out loud. Her eyes widened upon realizing she said that out loud.

"Oh you're a…"

"Yeah."

"Well, now I feel like an even bigger asshole." Ashton said. He scratched the back of his neck.

They both stood quietly, looking down at the ground.

"Um Cal didn't want a party for his birthday this year. Apparently, he has plans in the evening. So Sierra and I reserved a room at this restaurant for brunch. It's just gonna be the guys and Sierra. KayKay is still out of town and Crystal is working an event or something. I'm sure Cal would be happy to see you."

"I'll think about it."

***

Calum pulled out his keys from the ignition, yawning. Only Ashton and Sierra would plan to do something in the morning. Granted it was almost eleven, but with the lack of sleep Calum was going through, it was too early for him. Not to mention he didn't want to go. He was still pissed at Ashton for making things awkward with Claudia. Sierra reassured him that that was resolved and that he should go.

He grabbed his leather jacket and stepped out of the car. He shoved his hands in his pockets, surprised at how cold it was even with the bright sun out. When he walked in the place, he heard Ashton's hearty laugh followed by Luke and Michael's giggles, letting him know he went to the right place. He followed the hostess to a room in the back.

"About time you showed up." Sierra said, making Claudia look up from her phone.

She softly smiled at him. Michael pulled Calum into a hug, bringing him back to reality. Luke and Sierra hugged him as well and wished him a happy birthday.

Ashton got up and pulled him away from the table. He ran his hand through his red hair and cleared his throat.

"Claudia and I had a talk a few days ago." Ashton said.

"So I heard." Calum nodded.

"I apologized to her and we're good. But I want to apologize to you too." Ashton looked behind Calum's shoulder watching Claudia pose with Sierra as Luke took pictures of them. "I'm sorry for not trusting your judgment. You were right. Claudia's a good person with even greater intentions."

"Well, I wasn't expecting that." Calum awkwardly chuckled. "Uh, apology accepted I guess."

"One question though."

"What's up?"

"Why haven't you asked her out? It's fucking obvious to the world and their dog that both of you have feelings for each other."

"She broke up with her boyfriend a few months ago. I don't wanna ask her out and potentially fuck up a good friendship."

Ashton thought back to what Claudia accidentally told him so he just nodded and said. "You'll know when the right time is."

They went back to the table. Calum pulled Claudia to a hug when he sat next to her.

"Wasn't expecting to see you here." He said, placing his arm on the back of her chair.

"Ashton convinced men with free food."

"I did what?" Ashton asked, confused.

"Yeah, you offered to pay for my food too." Michael called out while sipping his mimosa.

The brunch went by smoothly. By the end their server came by with a red velvet cake Claudia made. She showed up early and asked the manager if they could hold the cake while they ate.

Calum offered to walk Claudia back to her car since she parked the furthest. She held onto his arm cold from the breeze that blew. She knew she should have worn a jacket over her turtleneck.

"What are you doing later?" Calum asked her.

"Nothing, probably watch some tv." She said, rummaging through her bag for her keys.

"Wanna go to a concert? Management managed to get me some tickets to see Bad Bunny and since you got me into him I want to take you."

"You got tickets? I've been trying to get some for weeks."

"So that's a yes?"

"Oh my god yes!" She wrapped her arms around him. "Thank you!"

They talked a bit, mostly planning out the night. Calum was picking her up a bit early so they could eat something beforehand because concessions are always a mess. As they discussed what they wanted to eat, a black Mercedes parked in front of Claudia's car, leaving her no room to get out.

"No mames," she cursed as the driver of the Benz walked past them. She smiled sweetly at Calum. "Can you pull out?"

"Pull out?" He blinked, confused.

"Like can you get my car out of the parking spot." she explained. "It's too snug for me."

"How did you even get your licence?" He asked her while taking her keys.

"I wore some shorts and a halter top." She gestured over her outfit. "You think a turtleneck and some jeans would have done the job?"

Calum shamelessly scanned her up and down, keeping his eyes on her ass for an extra second. He looked over to her and smiled. "It does the job for me."

***

"Here," Calum said, handing Claudia a flannel he had in his car. "I have a hoodie if you want."

"I'll take the flannel. You don't wear hoodies to a Bad Bunny concert." She said. She let one of the sleeves fall off her shoulder. "Also you're not getting this back. This is now my flannel."

"Oi! That's my favorite flannel."

"That's too bad." Claudia smiled as she fluffed her hair and tugged down her dress. She noticed Calum checking her out as she fixed her outfit on the car door's reflection.

"Ready?" He asked her. She nodded her response.

The arena parking lot was surprisingly packed despite the doors opening in two more hours. Calum and Claudia walked hand in hand, not wanting to get separated from each other. They went over to the line at the taco truck.

Claudia stood in front of him while they waited. He wrapped his arms around her and rested his chin on top of her head. She relaxed a bit. She wasn't used to all the touching, but she didn't mind it. Calum made her feel safe and comfortable. He didn't do anything that made her feel like he wanted more from her.

It was finally their turn to order. Calum ordered a loaded quesadilla and beer. Before Claudia even processed he was ordering her five tacos de carne asada with the toppings on the side and agua de horchata. He paid the cashier and tugged her towards a free table.

"How did you know my order?" Claudia asked, reaching for his beer and taking a sip.

"We've hung out enough times for me to remember." He shrugged. He took back his beer and drank some. "There weren't carne asada fries on the menu, and you usually order tacos when they're not listed. Plus you've said that carne asada tacos are your safest bet at a taco truck."

"Oh." Claudia quietly said, playing with the wrapper of her straw.

She felt her cheeks warm up. Someone remembering the little things about her always got to her. It made her feel seen. Especially if that someone is Calum. He's an international rockstar that knows hundreds of people and he managed to remember her taco order.

The server came by their table and dropped off their basket of food. They pointed at the salsa station that had seven different types of salsas, limes, radishes, and pickled jalapeños with carrots. Claudia got up to get salsa while Calum stayed behind with their food. He watched her look disinterested at whatever the guy that was hogging the station was telling her.

"Hey, love," Calum called out to Claudia. He held up her phone in the air. "Your mum's calling."

She walked over to him and pretended to answer the phone. "Thank you,'' she whispered.

"What salsas do you want?" he asked.

"There's a creamy green one and the one that looks like regular salsa verde." she said, nodding along to her fake phone call.

Calum squeezed her hand and went to the salsa station. The guy that was trying to talk to Claudia was already talking to another girl.

"Excuse me." he said, wedging himself between them to get to the salsas.

He returned to his table. Claudia was on her phone, frowning.

"What's wrong?" He asked, handing her the salsas.

"Danny's here and he didn't even tell me he was coming up."

"Here as in LA or…"

"He's literally here eating Korean tacos on the other side." She sighed. She bit into her taco and chewed. Covering her mouth, she said. "It's fine though. No one is fucking this night up."

***

The concert went by quickly. They ran into some of Calum's fans and he took some pictures with them. He traded the group their tickets for the box tickets management got him. They wanted to enjoy the actual concert and not get distracted with all the other activities that were the private room.

"I had fun tonight, thank you for inviting me." Claudia told Calum when they got in his car.

"There's no one I would have rather spent the night with." He said shyly.

They both let out nervous giggles. Claudia smiled softly at him and took in his scent. It is a bright and woody cologne mixed with beer someone accidentally spilled on him. It was a comforting scent, as if she was at home. She looked up at Calum, and he glanced down to her lips.

He met her eyes and pushed back some of her curls before cupping her face with one hand. He leaned and pulled her for a quick kiss. As he pulled away, Claudia pulled him back and deepened the kiss.

Without breaking their kiss, she climbed to his lap and cupped his face. Her dress rode up to her waist. Claudia sighed into Calum's lips, feeling his hands slide up her thighs to her ass. She moaned out loudly as he squeezed her ass.

She pulled away and kissed down his neck, nipping and sucking. One of her hands wandered down to his belt. In one swift moment she unbuckled his belt and undid the buttons. Before she went further, Calum's hand pushed hers away.

"As much as I want to, I don't want our first time in my car." He groaned.

But Claudia only heard 'first time.'

"Did Ashton say something?" She asked him. The last thing she wanted was for him to find out that she was a virgin through his best friend.

"What does Ash have to do with this?"

"Nothing, I'm just confused why we stopped."

"Trust me I didn't want to. But I don't want a quickie in my car to be your first impression of me."

"Oh," she said, relieved.

"Yeah…"

"Good thing you live twenty minutes away. Maybe you can impress me there." She whispered, kissing his jaw.

"Wait seriously? You want to go back to my place?"

"Yeah." She sat back in her seat and pulled down her dress. Quickly noticing that they'll be stuck in the parking lot for a while, she turned back to him. "Maybe I can impress you with my mouth while we wait to leave?"

"You mean like a—"

"A blowjob? Yes."

“I’m not one to turn down a blowie.”

***

Calum had Claudia pressed against the door. Their tongues battled to see who got the upper hand. He grabbed the back of her thighs and effortlessly picked her up. He carefully carried her up to his bedroom. There once again he backed her up against the door

She pulled away and slipped off her flannel. Claudia helped him unbutton his shirt and helped him out of the ever present black tank top he wore under it. She slid her hands over his chest and up to his face. She couldn’t believe he was in front of her.

More kisses led them to the bed. The last few layers of clothes shed as they got reacquainted with their bodies.

“Can I have a taste?” Calum whispered in her ear. Claudia looked up at him with an unreadable expression. “I don’t have to, of course. Whatever we do is up to you. If you just want to make out then we’ll just make out. But if you want to have sex, fine by me. I want you to know that you’re not obligated to do anything. We can stop and just act like—”

“Go for it.” she said, stopping him from rambling.

“Wait, seriously?” His face lit up.

“Yes.” she softly giggled.

Claudia wrapped her arms around him as she deepened the kiss. She let out a soft whine when Calum pulled away. She watched him kiss her body as he made his way down.

He looked up at her when he reached her dripping core. “Ready?” he asked.

“Yeah…”

Calum placed her legs over his shoulders and gently kissed thighs purposely ignoring where she wanted him the most.

His fingers grazed her entrance, coating them with her arousal. He licked his fingers and continued to tease her. He smirked as her breathing quickened, and her soft pleas filled the room. He finally laid on his stomach and began to kiss the inside of her thighs before placing them over

his shoulders.

"Fuck." He moaned once he tasted her.

His tongue worked its wonders on Claudia. She never felt so desired. She was on edge minutes later. One of her hands

wrapped around his fresh blonde curls while the other tugged one of her breasts.

"Cal, please,” she begged.

“Gonna you use my fingers now okay?” he said.

“Just be gentle.” She said, stopping him from rambling.

“Of course.”

He kissed her thigh reassuringly. He made a show, licking his middle and ring fingers and making Claudia needy for him. Calum slid his fingers in her. He looked up and saw Claudia’s face contorted in pain.

“Did I hurt you?”

“No… a little, but it’s okay. You’re good, honest.” Claudia sait putting his mind at ease.

Calum nodded and buried his face between her thighs. He slipped his fingers inside of her once more. She squirmed at how he was thrusting his fingers in her. Then he added his thumb and slowly rubbed her clit, bringing her to her orgasm. He continued licking and thrusting his fingers into her as she came.

The tight grip on his hair loosened. Claudia sighed as Calum pulled his fingers out of her. He licked them clean and laid next to her. He turned to his side just as she did. He pushed back her curls and laid his hand on her cheek.

“I didn’t hurt you earlier, right?” He asked her softly.

“No, it kinda caught me off guard since no one’s ever done that. Overall A+.” she commented, earning a snort from him.

Calum gently pushed back and reclaimed her lips. They kissed for what seemed like forever. Not wanting her lips off away from him, he awkwardly reached over and patted around the nightstand, looking for the drawer. He pulled it out too hard and the drawer fell along with all of its content.

“Smooth.” Claudia teased.

“Shut up.” he bent down and opened the box of condoms, taking one out.

Claudia watched Calum slide the condom on himself before he got on top of her. He leaned down and captured her lips. They kissed for a while with some touches here and there.

“Calum, please do something.” Claudia whined. She reached for him and slowly pumped him.

“Eager are we, pretty girl.” He teased her. He lined himself up against her.

“Just want to get this over with.” she mumbled out loud. She cursed. “I didn’t mean like that…”

“Then how did you?”Calum got up and grabbed his boxers. “You just don’t tell someone you’re about to hook up with that you wanna get it over with, Claudia.”

“You do when it’s your first time.” She said quietly, wrapping Calum’s bed sheet around her.

Calum stood silent, processing what she said. His mind went over the little comments they said here and there throughout. Then it finally hit him.

“Claudia, are you a virgin?”

“Does it matter?”

“Yes it does. It makes a—”

“What, you don’t fuck virgins either?”

“What— Can we just talk about this?”

“What is there to talk about? You’re just like Paco; you want nothing to do with me because I’m a virgin.” Claudia met Calum’s eyes, hurt filled his soft brown eyes. She looked down, embarrassed at herself.

Calum is nothing like Paco.

“I’m sorry. It just all happened so quickly and I freaked out. You’re nothing like Paco, you actually like going down on me.” she added the last bit to lighten up the mood.

Calum sat next to her on the bed. He watched her pull the sheet tighter around her. She sniffled and wiped a few tears away from her cheek.

“Claudia, what really happened between you and your ex?” He asked her gently, not wanting her to feel obligated to share.

“Isn’t it obvious?” she laughed dryly. “He dumped my ass because I never put out.”

“He’s a selfish idiot.” Calum said. He pushed back some of her hair and kissed her forehead. “I’m sorry if I pressured you into something you aren’t ready for.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong. I’m sorry for not telling you that I was a virgin. I was scared that I was gonna push you away or that I’d make things awkward between us if you knew… wait I just did the latter.”

Calum snorted. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and kissed her head once more. He scratched her scalp when she laid her head on his shoulder.

“Not to one up your awkwardness but Duke has been in the room the whole time.”

Taglist: @f-mu @another-lonely-heart ​ @sunshinebabycal-deactivated2021​​   @calumscalm ​ @karajaynetoday ​ @cherryxwildflower ​ @myloverboyash ​  @idontneedanyone ​ @findingliam-o ​ @5-secondsofcolor ​ @spicycal ​ @sexgodashton ​ @fckingpernico ​ @2fangirl4u ​ @calpops

#calum hood smut #calum hood fluff #calum hood angst #calum hood one shot #calum hood imagine #calum hood series #calum hood fanfic #calum hood fanfiction #calum hood oneshot #calum hood one shots #calum hood imagines #el novio series #el novio quarantine edition...kinda

[souryogurt64]

I just read your fic and I don't have an AO3 account but it's quite good! It's not, like, a genre I would typically read personally, but it was compelling and I definitely wanted it to keep going! Like, ugh, Pete, come out and tell Kimberly what you're looking for, yanno? I mean I understand *why* they were dancing around like that, but still, the ending felt so close and yet so far. But yeah, you definitely created some interesting dynamics, and if you wrote more, I would for sure love to read more! :) Like when is this threesome happening, c'mon! But you do a great job of building the tension of it all. Plus, your writing is quite smooth to read, and you have nice, evocative descriptions.

If you don't mind a couple of small editing notes, I did notice at the start of chapter 6 you wrote "when she picked him up", which I assume is accidentally reversed since Pete typically picks Kimberly up. Also, in chapter 7, you say that Kimberly is "an inch and a half over five feet" but that "Mr. Wentz... stood just under her height" which confused me because I'm pretty sure Pete is more than 5'1"?? But maybe you meant just under Meagan's height, just the phrasing was ambiguous. Sorry if you didn't want critiques, but those were just two tiny things I noticed; they really didn't take away from the story or anything, I just am also still mentally stuck in English class, lol.

But yeah your story was definitely compelling and I would love to get another chapter of what it's like once everything is out in the open and Kimberly is properly initiated as their third! Forgive me for being greedy for more, but I would love it if you keep going!

thank youuuu very much, i got drunk again off beer from my new job and baileys hot chocolate so i am no longer too embarrassed to answer this and may write more

yes i will fix those errors sorry!! yeah i meant he was just under meagans height. thank you very much for sending this!!!!!!

i do want to keep going, i think part of the reason why i lost steam is because i realized how unrealistic it was for all three of them to be fucking all the time with a literal baby. the baby just served as a plot device for why this celebrity couple would have a poor grad student in their lives anyway, but it just got too unrealistic to work with. i think i might do some rewrites and make her a general PA or something. which is less realistic to have than a nanny, but more realistic than the other option, lol.

i definitely wanted it to be a much slower burn, i was initially targeting like 30k minimum, but like i said the baby got to me.

i also have some others (this one was the longest and the best though) which i might post for the sweet sweet 7 likes and 2 comments loool

[kiwikyuu]

━━━━━━━━ greatest asset ; oikawa tōru

summary — there was only one thing you could think in that moment; oikawa could not lose his greatest asset no matter the cost

word count — 1.3k

genre — imagine ; enemies to lovers, slight angst, fluff

warning(s) — car accident + coma, self sacrifice (read: not death). sort of cliché oops, cursing, not edited

a/n — i read a hand holding headcanon and something about it just spurred this idea in me. also this might be a little out of character but everything just kinda made sense in my head so oops. it has been so long since i've written imagines so please be patient with me

❝ IT ALL HAPPENED SO FAST, BUT HE SHOULD HAVE BEEN FASTER. ❞

They called him the Great King—Oikawa the Great. He was a star on and off the court. With his impeccable serves and his seemingly endless fan club of girls, people found it hard to believe that a guy so stuck up his own flat ass could ever yield willingly to someone.

Then you came into the picture.

You two clashed in every way possible from the moment you met. The dislike was mutual and unwavering. There were even whispers that Oikawa found you more intolerable than Kageyama Tobio, the infamous genius setter of Karasuno High.

"There's a thin line between love and hatred, Y/N."

"Yeah, it's called rationality, Tōru, and my balance is impeccable."

Bickering became but a pastime between you two, and considering that you took the same bus as Oikawa, it happened often.

It was foggy out this afternoon. Mondays were his day off, which meant you found yourself walking stubbornly beside him. Oikawa tried his best not to mind you, but his eyebrows furrowed in frustration regardless.

"Take a picture, Tōru. It'll last longer," you said, narrowing your eyes at him as the bus stop came into view just across the street.

He scoffed. "Like I'd want a picture of you in my phone."

You rolled your eyes at him. "Stop acting so high and mighty, you arrogant asshole."

Arrogant asshole.

There it was, the words he had heard so many times before whether it was directly at him on the court or behind his back when he was turned. Everyone always had something to say, something to critique.

Oikawa wasn't sure why it bothered him so much today, but it did. Maybe it was the recent loss against Shiratorizawa at Inter-High, or maybe it was the underlying fear of not wanting to be like Kageyama and knowing what you said sounded exactly like something that he would have said to insufferable first-year. Regardless, it struck a nerve and it struck hard.

You had never seen the expression that Oikawa had donned cross his face before, and for the first time, you worried you had overstepped. Sure, he was annoying, but your comments were always meant to irritate not cause genuine harm.

"You know Y/N, for someone who acts so smart you're really fucking dense," Oikawa said, his voice small but slowly getting louder. He let out a booming laugh as he turned to face you.

"Calm down," you said.

Oikawa shook his head. "I mean, arrogant asshole? Your vocabulary is shit. Why not pompous prick or ingenuine idiot?" He took a step forward as you took one back leaving the both of you to stand dangerously close to the edge of the sidewalk.

"You're going to – " slip if you don't be careful.

But the damage had already been done, and Oikawa felt his foot slide off the curb. He would have went flailing backwards if he hadn't had the reflexes of a skilled volleyball player. He steadied himself quickly, shoes coming down flat against the asphalt of the side of the road.

For a moment, you thought he was safe again because he hadn't hurt himself. The fog was thick but not thick enough to cover the blinding headlights of an approaching car that definitely did not have enough time to swerve safely away from Oikawa who didn't even realize what was happening behind him.

There was only one thing you could think in that moment; Oikawa could not lose his greatest asset no matter the cost. You weren't stupid. You knew if the car hit him, it would have affected his hands. What was a setter without functioning hands?

It was a split-second decision. Suddenly, you were pulling Oikawa back onto the sidewalk as the momentum propelled you forward to take his place.

It all happened so fast, but he should have been faster.

Everything went dark but not before you saw the abject horror in Oikawa's eyes.

A week later, you woke up in the hospital.

"If those are tears in your eyes, Shittykawa, I'm going to – "

"You're too mean, Y/N. You just woke up from a coma."

The doctors had informed you that considering your injuries, it would take you at least a month to recover and that was if you were lucky. You weren't overjoyed to be missing school, but Aoba Johsai was just considerate enough after a certain whiny setter complained to everyone he possibly could to provide accommodations so you'd be able to graduate in time.

Meanwhile, during your recovery, if Oikawa wasn't practicing for the upcoming Spring Nationals, he was to be by your side.

"I saved your life, Tōru, so you bet your flat ass that you're going to help me during recovery," you said when he objected to your request. Eventually, he agreed.

And so began an interesting friendship.

The students of Aoba Johsai were shocked when they found out. Oikawa Tōru, the Great King of the court, reduced to a compliant errand boy?

Iwaizumi was just glad Oikawa had finally met his match. Perhaps, this would turn to be for the better.

"Tōru, buy me milk bread."

"Only if we can share." THUD. "Y/N, you hit almost as hard as Iwa-chan."

"I'm bored, Tōru."

"Okay, and?"

"Stupidkawa, read me a story."

"Jared, 19."

"Oikawa, I want bubble tea."

"And milk bread?"

"You know me so well now."

Until finally you were discharged, and with your recovery, a strong bond with the pretty setter that made your heart flutter from time to time.

The volleyball team was still preparing for Spring Nationals which was slowly approaching. Oikawa, now able to turn his full attention to it, fully immersed himself into practice. He was the captain after all.

And it was only once you started to drop by that you noticed it.

It being the swarm of butterflies that pooled in your stomach whenever you found yourself around Oikawa now. For some reason, you could no longer overlook the handsome features of his face or the attractiveness in his confidence.

Really, you wanted nothing more than to disappear in a hole once you realized.

Iwaizumi figured out Oikawa's feelings for you before he did.

It was the way the usually level-headed setter would become even more boastful on the court if you were sitting in the bleachers during their practices. Sometimes, a slight pink even tinged his cheeks when you managed a smile at him.

Slowly, the two of you were falling for each other more and more.

Oikawa would take you home after practice if you were still there, getting off at your stop which was three earlier than his so he could walk you.

"You don't have to take me all the way, Tōru."

"I want to."

You would come bearing gifts the next morning after a particularly rough night, somehow managing to get through all his fan girls to give him milk bread packaged prettily and decorated with a post-it note holding a message.

"Cheer up, Stupidkawa."

"You really know what warms my heart, Y/N."

It continued like this for a while. Iwaizumi declared he'd kick Oikawa off the team if he had bear any more of this overly-sweet pre-relationship period. Then finally it happened.

Mondays were his day off, which meant you found yourself walking happily beside him. Oikawa and you were bumping shoulders—a back-and-forth that you were now used to.

"We should get bubble tea," you decided.

"And milk bread," he added.

You stared at him blankly. "You had milk bread like every day this week. How are you not sick of it?"

"I hang out with you every day, and I'm not sick of you," he countered.

"Yeah, but I'm not bread," you said, still looking at him blankly despite the bubbling pit of affection in your chest at his words.

Oikawa nodded thoughtfully. "You're better."

You scoffed, trying to play it off, though your cheeks burned. "Your fan girls would trample me if they heard," you joked. "Something about stealing you from them when we're not even – "

"Go out with me."

#oikawa x reader #oikawa angst #oikawa headcanons #oikawa x you #oikawa toru x reader #oikawa toru imagine #oikawa toru x you #oikawa imagine #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x you #haikyuu x y/n #oikawa x y/n #haikyuu imagine #oikawa toru x y/n #oikawa toru headcanon #tw car crash #tw car accident #tw coma #tw self sacrifice