Tumgik
#(nah u can roast me if u want)
whump-queen · 1 year
Note
If I met you in real life, I would just be hiding in a corner too awkward to come over and say hi
come on now, I don't bite ;)
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I gotta actually meet you for it to count right?
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love-belle · 10 months
Text
i bet you think about me !!!
*ੈ✩‧₊˚ in which their post break-up era is just them shading each other on instagram and co parenting their cat.
or
for when you know they're thinking about you. ˚ ༘♡ ⋆。˚
social media au // lando norris x fem!reader
sequel - i'll be loving you for quite some time ⋆·˚ ༘ *
warnings - language. both the reader and lando are petty bitches having a petty virtual stand-off.
author's note - hello!!!!! so sorry for the wait, i've been busy with stuff :/// i really hope u like this <3 thank u so much for reading!!! i love u <3
≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱
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liked by carlossainz55, pierregasly, lewishamilton and 786,416 others
landonorris happier than ever.
8,927 comments
username THE CAPTION
username oh.
username no bc why did this hurt me.
username my heart can't take it what the fuck
danielricciardo unnecessary caption but alright.
-> landonorris i did not lie though???
username WHY IS THIS HAPPENING
username i haven't recovered from their breakup and now ur telling me that they ended on bad terms??????
-> username no they're fine!!!!!!! this is just lando being silly!!!!!!!!!!!!!
username no bc why THE FUCK is lando out here looking all fine while my girl y/n was seen crying in front of her mom yesterday
-> username weren't there rumours that they broke up bc y/n was committed to this relationship more than lando was????
-> username oh what the fuck
username "happier than ever" like we didn't see u and y/n all those years with eachother
maxverstappen1 👍
*liked by landonorris*
username nah bc if i was y/n i would be so hurt by this what the fuck.
-> username imagine going through a breakup after being together for more than 2 years and they post THIS after a WEEK like
lilymhe fake ass bitch
*this comment has been deleted*
username god i love lily defending her wifey
username LANDO HOW AM U SUPPOSED TO DEFEND U LIKE THIS
username no bc my heart's aching for y/n she doesn't deserve this
charles_leclerc need to talk to you real quick.
-> carlossainz55 just a friendly chat!
-> username oh they're maaaaaaad
username im a child of divorce what the fuck
≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱
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yourusername i’ll think of something else your initial can stand for
*this post is not available*
≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱
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liked by lilymhe, carmenmmundt, danielricciardo and 789,979 others
yourusername blocking him isn't enough when i want to throw tomatoes at his head like he's a medieval criminal
8,926 comments
username PLEASE
username SOMEONE TELL ME THEY SAW Y/N'S LAST POST
-> username NO BC WHEN U TELL U MY HEART BROKE
-> username "i’ll think of something else your initial can stand for" do u want me to cry.
username bet lando feels like an asshole after seeing that post 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
-> username imagine fumbling so hard 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
lilymhe replace those tomatoes with concrete blocks and we're good!
-> yourusername alright slow down
-> username HELP
username y/n liking all the comments roasting lando but blocking all the ones who are hating on him is actually so personal to me
-> username like girl hates him but only she's allowed to do it
-> username my parents!!!!!!!!! divorced but parents nonetheless!!!!!!!!!
charles_leclerc i can arrange the tomatoes
-> carlossainz55 i can lock him in a room for you to throw tomatoes at him
-> danielricciardo i can stand by and record the whole thing for you to look back on and laugh
-> yourusername i adore each one of you wtf ☹️☹️☹️
username that prev caption hits hard knowing that lando got her a necklace with his initial 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔
username THE LYRICS TOOK ME OUT OMG
username imagine breaking up with ur bf and seeing that post he posted after you posted a heartbreaking yet wistful post abt him like
-> username ngl that's gonna be my last straw
francisca.cgomes asking pierre to show it to him brb
-> yourusername LMFAOOO PLEASE
username this is so chaotic i CANNOT
username mother is mothering so hard after her breakup
-> username she broke free of the shackles 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰
*liked by yourusername*
username babe it's okay me and our kids forgive u just come home ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
maxverstappen1 sending this to him
-> yourusername do it no balls
-> username pls she's so unserious i love her 😭😭😭
*liked by yourusername*
username i KNOW he looked at this post and cried
*liked by yourusername*
username me when they still post abt eachother but indirectly and with shady undertones 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😘😘😘😘😘😘😘
username i will get over a lot of things but i will never get over y/n and lando breaking up
≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱
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liked by pierregasly, carlossainz55, maxverstappen1 and 758,989 others
landonorris pov: you're better now 🤍
7,926 comments
username pov ur a liar.
username lando it's okay honey u don't have to lie
username he said this yk like a liar
maxverstappen1 not me watching you wipe your tears right now
-> landonorris LEAVE ME ALONE
username the way i've been crying since i found out and it's not even my relationship like DAMN.
username lando how does it feel to fumble a bad bitch like y/n 🎤🎤🎤
username no bc i KNOW the drivers reallllllllly gave it to lando after they found out about the breakup
username IS THAT Y/N'S CAT
-> username they're co parenting caz 💀💀💀
-> username it's weekend with dad ig 😭😭😭
danielricciardo pov: you're a liar ❤️
-> landonorris choke ❤️
username max and daniel really calling him out on his bullshit 💀💀💀
-> username as they should
username the way i fell to the floor when the articles first came out abt their breakup
username so y/n WAS committed to this relationship more than he was
username me having a nice day and suddenly remembering the fact that lando once said that y/n was everything he had spent his life looking for and everything he thought he'd never find
-> username I WAS HAVING A NICE WHY DO U DO THIS TO ME
username "pov: you found your soulmate" hahahahahaha!!!! im fine!!!! totally not going crazy over this!!!!!
-> username do u get deja vu
carlossainz55 lies.
-> landonorris blocked.
username need them back together again for mental stability i fear
username they're actually very happy together my delusions told me!!!!!!!
username no way they're just over like that when we could SEE how much they loved eachother like
-> username the articles being all "they had different priorities" NO MF THEY KEPT SAYING HOW THEY COULDN'T WAIT FOR THEIR FUTURE TOGETHER
-> username to the person who wrote those articles, drop the addy i just wanna talk :)
≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱
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liked by lewishamilton, francisca.cgomes, lilymhe and 779,189 others
yourusername when u know he's gonna think u every time he hears a taylor swift song and it'll make him want to CRY
7,532 comments
username the ultimate revenge
username the way i lit up whenever i see one of them posted but it's literally just them shading eachother like I CANNOT.
username LMFAOOOOO
carmenmmundt he'll listen to lover and it'll make him want to cry
-> georgerussell63 playing that the next time he walks in a room
-> yourusername thank u for ur service carmen's bf
username the way this whole thing is like a tennis match 💀💀💀
username ngl this is so entertaining
username couple weeks since they broke up and this is how their post breakup era is going
-> username when they're still so 🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼
username they're just being silly!!!!!!!! just a prank y'all!!!!!!!! silly y/n and lando!!!!!!!!!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
danielricciardo can confirm that exile was playing when i walked into his driver's room
-> yourusername HELP OMG
-> username not exile LMFAOO
username why are u so pretty
username post break up glow be hitting different ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
*liked by yourusername*
username women become 1000000x more beautiful everytime a m*n disappoints them
*liked by yourusername*
lilymhe asking alex to make all the playlists just taylor swift babe we're destroying his peace
-> yourusername OKAY SLOW DOWN FOR A MIN
username y/n telling her fans to be kind and lando straight up to ignoring everything does tell u a lot abt them tbh but some people are not ready for that conversation yet
-> username the way y/n and him were FINE after their breakup until he posted with that caption likeeeee
-> username nah bc what if.............HE WAS THE PROBLEM
-> username men need to go back to war
lewishamilton can't wait to see you next week!! roscoe misses his favourite dogsitter!!
-> yourusername missing my buddy so much 🤍🤍🤍 see you both next week!!!!!!!
username the entire grid adores her i can TELL
username this is what he deserves
username no bc i know im supposed to sad that they broke up but them posting abt each other indirectly while having the other person blocked is so hilarious
username my y/nlando heart 💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔
username the grid still being close to y/n is so 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱
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liked by lewishamilton, charles_leclerc, danielricciardo and 799,186 others
landonorris how i feel every time i hear a taylor swift song and my mind goes straight to her
7,931 comments
username NOT HIM USING HIMSELF AS MEMES
username so who's gonna tell him.
username people who follow both of them 💀💀💀💀💀
username lando...babe...
username no bc they DO shade eachother and roast eachother since they broke up but the fact that y/n tells all the ppl hating on lando to "shut the fuck up and get a fucking life" and lando straight up blocks them is so 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
username IT'S WHAT SHE WANTS
danielricciardo chuckles knowingly
-> landonorris WHAT DO YOU KNOW
-> danielricciardo NOTHING
-> landonorris WHAT
-> danielricciardo NOTHING OH MY GOD
username smirks
username good.
username yes cry abt it x
username the way "the 1" is literally them LIKE
-> username "it would've been fun if you could've been the one" 💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔
-> username CAN U HEAR ME CRYING
charles_leclerc this is interesting
-> landonorris ?
username lando being confused is sending me 😭😭😭😭😭😭
username y/n fr manifested this 💀💀💀
username IM GIGGLING THIS IS HILARIOUS
username someone send this to y/n
*liked by danielricciardo*
maxverstappen1 we get what you mean but please stop playing the 1
-> landonorris none can do sorry
username NOT LANDO PLAYING THE 1
username im so 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔
username y/n is chuckling rn i can feel it
lilymhe this is interesting!
-> landonorris WHAT IS
username OH MY GOD
username them shading eachother while having the other person blocked is top tier comedy i cant
username the next race is gonna be so interesting I can't wait 🗣️🗣️🗣️
username PLEASE OMG
≡;- ꒰ °instagram ꒱
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liked by lewishamilton, lilymhe, carmenmmundt and 1,829,851 others
yourusername i bet you think about me
8,467 comments
username MOTHER
username ATE
username HOLY SHIT OH MY GOD
username step on me please.
username i KNOW he looked at this post and cried
lewishamilton as pierre taught me, slayed the house down with boots or whatever
-> yourusername LEWIS OH MY GOD
-> yourusername but thank u that means sm to me 💌
username SHE'S SO SVANAKDJDMKSJSJ
username iconic.
username taylor swift always right !!!!!!!!!!
carmenmmundt pretty pretty
-> yourusername yeah you you
username my bi awakening
-> username that's so real actually
username THIS IS PERFECT
username someone thank daniel for showing lando's post to y/n so that we could get THIS
*liked by danielricciardo*
username WOMEN
lilymhe marry me rn idc i loveeee u ur so pretty ahahahaha pls.
-> yourusername babeeeeee i love u sm we're absolutely getting married idc abt ur bf we're eloping
-> alex_albon it's not even noon yet give me a break
username carmen, lily, kika and y/n ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
username YEAH I BET U THINK ABOUT ME
username he DOES think about u
username no bc if i was lando i would be in my knees screaming crying throwing up for her to take me back
-> username real like how will u explain to people that u ended up fumbling a bad bitch
francisca.cgomes GORGEOUS
-> yourusername I LOVE YOU
username "i don't wanna think of anything else now that i thought of u"
-> username DIDN'T SHE POST THAT WHEN SHE ANNOUNCED THEIR RELATIONSHIP
-> username lord i am not strong enough for this.
username kinda missing them together ://
-> username i miss lando panicking in the comments section everytime y/n posted like homeboy was down BAD
-> username frrrr like he was down SO bad it was almost embarassing
username I JUST GASPED OUT LOUD HOLY FUCK
charles_leclerc can confirm
*liked by yourusername*
username I NEED LANDO'S REACTION TO THIS OMG
username both of their pr personnel are having a field day with this
-> username i would not want to be either of them today 💀💀💀
username exes beefing is so entertaining i swear im here for this petty bitch fight
3K notes · View notes
sevenpoyo · 9 months
Text
some brooklyn slang ik for all the ppl who wanna write for miles and kilometers‼️
feel free to add more idk everything but i i am originally from there and visit a lot this stuff i hear a lot and if you wanna add slang to ur writing this is a good place to start, not all of these brooklyn or ny exclusive but that’s where a lot of american slang starts and u prolly heard some of it b4. imma list it ne ways
don’t use like 8 of these in one sentence bc it will sound weird and i can’t really cover ny puerto rican slang or any puerto rican slang really bc my grandad is a bum so if you know some add it
the city is manhattan, not the other 4 burroughs, just manhattan, cus that’s where everything’s at
to cut ass is to roast tf out of someone , to get your ass cut is get tf roasted out of you
wyling/wilding is being outta pocket, something being absurd or crazy
yeah nah means no and nah yeah means yeah idk why they gotta make it complicated just look at the second word
good looks is like good looking out
it’s bout to be winter and i’m bout to see mad christmas fics and shit but do y’all know the proper way to describe cold ny winters?
if it’s cold as hell, it’s brick outside, not regular cold, ny winter is like nipples so hard i see em thru the bra cold
ex; “how it’s so brick outside i walk to the store wit my hair wet and it deadass got icicles in it” “yeah it’s fr brick outside today” “i’m not walkin wit u in this brick ass weather for a bacon egg and cheese?” (actual convo between my sister and me last winter break)
fronting seem kinda easy to me but is like acting or pretending i can’t explain it with out an example
“why you fronting like you wouldn’t die if they text you asking u to go out with them” “you can stop fronting like you like cars it cool if you don’t” “don’t sit there fronting like u don’t wanna dance wit me”
being tight over something is just being upset or annoyed
rj is so smart they said “We say tight bc you kinda huddle close to yourself when you tense/stressed or angry” i had no idea i just be saying it i aint know it had a reason💀 it make sm sense now.
“who got you tight like that this early in the morning?” “my momma came home tight yesterday for no reason, she threw a boot at me!” “i’m so tight this damn shift change has me working all closers this week”
jack is like claiming someone or something
i talk old as hell idk what the youths be jacking nowadays
cop is basically to get, used to be mostly 4 drugs back in the day my dad said (he don’t know why im asking him this)
“just copped me some retro 3’s” “bout to cop me a few percs in a minute”
speaking of a minute, mostly for my non americans bc that’s who get confused the most when i say this one. depending on the context this can mean a actual minute, a short time or a real long
“i’ll be back in a minute” is short “i ain’t seen y’all in a minute” is long. idk how to explain the difference besides context
bop is a good song, pretty easy but i see ppl on tiktok use it wrong
bangs/banger goes hard is kinda like bob for music but i be using it for anything fr
“this push pop is banging yo”
mad can be used normal like angry but it also means a lot or really kinda like hella ig? i usually uses hella when i would say mad so ppl can understand me easier up here
dumb also mean very in the same way
ex; “my english teacher give out mad homework for no reason.” “she be giving me mad shit over the smallest stuff” “i just had some mad good wings so i’m cooling rn” “this shit is mad spicy u sure you want some?” ''This shit got me dumb tight'' “you don’t need no jacket it’s dumb hot out here”
smacked is like high as fuck idk how to elaborate ur just high
lit is drunk
“Yuuuur!'' A signal, a greeting usually used to catch the attention of someone or something very fun greeting and very hated by schools, it’s weird anywhere outside of ny kinda at least to me.
being hollywood means u get a little fame and think ur all that or just that u got a little fame and they’re jokingly hating
ex; “i saw u on the news the other day, “the prowlers return” u must be real proud of yourself huh hollywood?” “and here comes hollywood wit his trending tiktoks”
real talk is when ur about confess something or say something serious in a not real serious setting or convo
“real talk we play a lot but i love you, my life would be boring with out you around” “real talk i’d never do that to you foreal”
go together is like go out kinda, y’all kinda match behavior cus y’all a couple, this one need a sentence 2 i think. (THIS ONE IS OLD AS HELL ONLY USE IT IF UR TRYING TO RIZZ MOMMA RIO)
“he want ur number? he don’t know we we go together or sum?” “why she wanna act like we go together, ion even know her?” “don’t we go together?”
i can’t even explain it with a sentence y’all just gotta figure this one out 💀
A bodega/deli is a convenience store ik most know this from the movie but some ppl think it’s all stores or all spanish stores when it’s just a corner store
the owners of the deli closest to my granddad house is muslim. and so we keep track of all muslim holidays when he’s closed
an ock is the bodega man, miles knows the man’s name at the deli we see him visit, but at any other store he’d call the guy ock
dipping on someone is changing ur mind last minute, usually canceling plans
ex “we was supposed to go get outfits together but they dipped on me last minute”
staticky is like wanting to fight or still being pissed after a fight
static is beef or on sight energy
you good can really be anything but imma list ones i can think of
it can mean like are you ok? or don’t worry about it, or how are you, or stop, or do you got a issue? or do you want an issue? it’s all in the tone of how it’s said fr
'Word of my moms/dads I saw/ did/did not *insert topic*'' Honest term, no lying present in statement i feel like (my cousins be putting anything on they momma fr risking shit on her for no reason)
'hold it down'' handle buisness / take care of someone or something. can also be in refrence to criminal who handles ''buisness''
NOW EVERYONE SAY THANK YOU TO @rashadisback BC HE CARRIED ME ON THIS‼️
i hope this helps any writers that don’t live here!
261 notes · View notes
cocogum · 3 months
Text
Let’s TALK about episodes 9 and 10 people… (part 1)
PART 2 : HERE
(‼️SPOILERS FOR SEASON 4‼️)
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.
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If you thought episodes 7 and 8 had so much to talk about (cuz I sure did), then episodes 9 and 10 destroyed my mind.
….
I am so tired.
We begin with a small recap of what happened last episode and it’s honestly very nice and heartwarming of Ankama to remind us that Yugo will get his ass handed to him in a few minutes.
BRO LOOK AT HOW THEY’RE DRAGGING HIM ON THE DIRTY FLOOR LIKE THAT!!
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The level of disrespect these thirsty hoes have for him is immeasurable. Even if Yugo’s not a kid, the fact that the necromes didn’t hesitate to tie him up like that and sacrifice him like a lamb is jaw-dropping. It really makes you understand that they don’t give a shit if you’re an actual kid, they will hang you up like a roast beef for dinner.
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Bro’s asking as if he just got here.
Also, how do you think that fall must’ve felt like? Cuz when Toross yeets him, Yugo takes a massive fall only to get his body slammed into the pavement when he gets tied up.
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He gets to fall even faster because of the stasis ropes pulling him down too.
You can even hear the loud slam when he hits it. That must’ve hurt like a bitch.
Btw I love how even after all that, Adamaï and Amalia still don’t trust Qilby even when he saved them from the necrome world.
Adamaï thinks he was an idiot for not using the eliatrope Dofus and…he’s right? Cuz my guy…ur scared of ruining things if you use the dofus but what are you gonna ruin in a place WHERE THERE’S NO WAKFU????
Sometimes I can’t tell whether or not that guy’s okay in his head. Like is he blind or something? You can clearly tell that the necrome world is completely deserted and has no actual life, Amalia even CONFIRMS IT for you, Toross is literally using his dofus in his world of nothing, AND it’s also literally known as the gods’ garbage bin.
No wonder you get slapped around so much, you’re stupider than Yugo!!
I never in my life thought that I’d eventually get to see Qilby booping Amalia’s nose.
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And I don’t know if I should like it or if I should fear it.
Man literally booped her as if she was a kid. But then again, he IS a millennial years old so it would explain why he’d treat her like a fetus.
In a way, he really CAN see her as a kid who doesn’t know what the hell she’s talking about.
But like-
I never imagined this happening???? Not even in a trillion chances 😀😀
BUT WHAT CONFUSES ME EVEN MORE IS THIS :
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I get that Amalia annoyed him when she said he STILL couldn’t be trusted but what do you mean by “artificial”??? I’m still confused about that.
MY QUEEN NORA AND HER GAY ASS IS BACK WITH HER SHENANIGANS GURL WE SEE U !!
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You can’t tell me this scene ain’t gay 😭😭
The way she grabbed her was so sudden, it made my heart jump!! And Amalia just goes with it like a damsel in distress being protected by her knight 🥰🥰 My noramalia senses detected that shit from a mile away, you ain’t getting away!!!
That torture scene tho should’ve taken longer ngl. But Okoo being the kid that they are decided “hell nah”. It’s still a shame really but at least we got what we needed.
Also, lemme just say something about this torture scene real quick.
Not only does Yugo get sucked the living out of him, but he just got BODY SLAMMED FROM AT LEAST 290 FEET on LITERAL PAVEMENT so now his back is completely obliterated, he keeps CONVULSING, TWITCHING, and GETS HIS BONES BREAKING TO GROW LONGER ONES-
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He’s feeling all that WHILE getting sucked to death. My god. I wanted to see more of that.
The only reason why he didn’t turn out ballistic was cuz Oropo was keeping him busy in his head. He literally told him that he’ll make him fight just to not think about it.
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And even though Oropo does hate him (but calmed down a bit once he reunited with Yugo), he told him that even he doesn’t deserve all of this. Can you imagine the one who caused so many calamities and was ready to kill the gods because he hates you telling you that even you don’t deserve this?? It just shows how kinky this Toross guy is.
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shankschewtoy · 2 years
Note
hello!!! you can make me a hcs on zoro, marco and law or they crush on a woman who is strong and during a fight / training she removes weights that had around her waist and her wrists and they understand that until she is always restrained! kinda like the gaara and lee fight in naruto! Thanks you ! Sorry my English is bad, very bad.. 😭
a/n - Hi! Don't worry your english is great! :D And this is so cute, I love this idea sm :0 thank you for the request!
Warnings ⚠️ - fem reader, reader can solo the entire verse ngl 😩
Too stunned to speak
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Law
- You’re in a pretty heated fight between a strong haki user
- You could definitely hold your own! But, this battle was kind of getting too long for your liking
- You took a step back, slowly unraveling the extremely heavy restraints on your waist and wrists, as well as your ankles
- They fell to the ground, and they were so heavy that they cracked part of the ground
- The enemy’s eyes were full of instant pain and regret
- This battle would probably end really soon now..
- Law was busy fighting another enemy, but he seemed to hear the loud thump of metal against the ground
- When he turned to see you removing your restraints, I don’t think he breathed for a couple seconds 🗿
- once you removed those weights
- man was too stunned to speak
- you were already one of the most powerful people he’s ever seen before-
- Now you take the restraints off and your power multiplies by at least 5????
- nah- 😭
- he’ll get sidetracked and accidentally get beaten up for it 💀
- he can’t take his eyes off of you
- He’s still worried af for your safety but- it looks like you don’t even need any help at all-
- He’s actually really happy and proud!
- He takes pride in your strength
- He’s glad to have such an amazing and powerful s/o like you 🥺
- He never doubted you, he just wanted to make sure you never got hurt :)
- ok side note, one time you took off the restraints and they fell on his toes
- pls don’t ask me why I thought of this-
- His foot was just- in PAIN for hours after that
- You had to give him a lot of cuddles and say you’re sorry before he stopped pouting like an emo baby 💀
- he can’t stay mad at you for very long 👌
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Zoro
- man’s fighting off an enemy with you right?
- He left you to fight the other one on your own, but he promised himself that he’d come help you in a second
- honestly you don’t even need help
- When he skidded to a stop, his sword in his mouth as he got ready to strike at the enemy
- He heard a loud clunk against the floor, and your restraints fell onto the ground, cracking it open from the weight
- He stopped, almost dropping his sword from his mouth from surprise
- I mean- ofc he knew you were strong af but not this strong?!
- When you were kicking the enemy’s dumb ass, he had a grin on his face, sitting back and watching the show
- Man acted like he was watching a good anime 💀
- He also cheered you on sometimes
- And literally roasted your enemy
- “Go for the dick y/n!” (Zoro tf.)
- “Oooooo ouch, that looked like it hurt.” (The enemy got his balls kicked 🗿)
- man could almost feel that pain ngl lmao
- after the fight, he gave you the longest ass kiss I think you’ve ever had
- He was so proud of you 🥺
- He’s so excited to have such a strong person like you at his side :)
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Marco
- (same situation as the other two btw)
- He was in his Phoenix form, mainly burning everything in his path as he fought one of two enemies
- He felt like he needed to stick by you to make sure you didn’t get even a scratch on you
- But you reassured him that you were fine
- Boi was like: …….. but I care abt u.
- He ended up going to fight the other guy tho
- He’s such a protective guy 🥺 he never wants you to get even a tiny paper cut!!
- Marco made sure his battle lasted no more than a couple minutes just so he could get back to you
- Pls he cares abt you soooo much he could die 😭
- When he rushed back to you kicking the enemy’s ass, he was SHOOK
- and like he couldn’t even move
- his precious y/n was literally obliterating this dude’s ass
- and you weren’t even using your full abilities?!!
- when you removed those restraints, you gave him a heart attack (but like a good one-)
- Boy was so excited and amazed by you
- He was smiling the entire time, and after your fight, he gave you so much love and kisses
- He also patched up whatever scrapes you got like he usually did
- Man was so amazed, he loves you so much for who you are
- And it makes him sooo excited that you’re so strong!
- You can totally hold your own even though he still worried about you all the time
- Remind him that it’s alright, and that you’re strong af 🥺👍
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a/n - I watched a clip of Marco in a spoiler vid I saw and I was like: PHOENIX MAN OMG- I swear I can’t wait to see him in the anime 😭😭😭 Tysm for the request!!
<3
822 notes · View notes
markosbabymama · 7 months
Note
ponyboy and reader go on trick or treating 🙏🙏🙏
headcannons of fem!reader and ponyboy trick or treating!
.
pony definitely thinks he’s too cool for a costume.
like he would be the guy to wear his normal clothes and if someone asks him what/who he is he’s like “myself.” 💀
BUTT u force him to get dressed up, and he cannot say no to your puppy dog eyes.
“cmon y/n i’m already going trick or treatin’, do i have to dress up too? you know what the gang will do to me?!”
“well that’s just too bad, you’re gonna have to deal with the bullying for one night.”
y’all dressed up as Romeo and Juliet.
And you already know at first, he was begging you not to dress up he was literally so embarrassed. He did not want to get dressed up AT ALL.
and when the gang saw him in the costume??? nah bru he got the fuck roasted outta him😭💀
“wow, you look real tough pone.”
“one more word and i slap the shit outta ya two bit.”
also pretended that he wasn’t excited to trick or treat but cmon, u know he was.
his face LIT UP when he saw the big bowls of candy.
ofc he tried to play it off, but you can read him like a book and you know when he gets super excited abt stuff.
“i think you’re actually enjoying yourself pony.”
“pftt no i’m not, i’m just here to make my girl happy is’ all”
“okay, sure. you know you’re a really bad liar?”
“i ain’t lying!”
after y’all got done trick or treating, you went back to his house ofc, and dumped the pillow cases filled with 12000 pieces of candy on the floor
you traded all night, literally every piece of candy went back and forth 😭
“oh i don’t like tootsie pops, you want this y/n?”
“what do you mean you don’t like tootsie pops?! i’ll let licorice and rolos slide, but i draw the line at tootsie pops, i don’t even know how you’re my boyfriend.”
“cause you love me” *shit eating grin*
“maybe. but i’m still shocked at your poor taste of candy.”
.
AHHH this was actually so cute?? also i feed y’all for the first time in a month i hope u enjoy it LOL💚💚
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izukuisbaby · 2 years
Text
⊹˚.⋆ SHOPPING HEADCANONS - JUJUTSU KAISEN
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℘. flora's notes : i finished this while i was tipsy i hope it's okay-
℘. infos : u can read about ur kins too, this is not necessarily romantic (can be tho:)), female, male, gn reader friendly 💓 if u have ideas for the other jjk characters im down to make a part 2
m.list (bnha version can be found there x)| comment and reblog if u enjoyed !
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⊹˚.⋆ SATORU GOJO
℘. as we all know, gojo has no filter, so expect to have to undress with the fitting room's curtain fully opened because "he can hide you with his Greek God body"
℘. brutally honest and doesn't care about your opinion "YOU LOOK LIKE A ROASTED PORK IN THIS LMAO", "I thought mustard yellow was the worst colour on you and then I saw that shit you're wearing", "are u tryna beat my grandma at the wrinkles fashion week ??? get that cardigan outta there"
℘. has to bring his God complex in everything "that looks okay on you, but it would look stunning on me", "nah that's a thing I, ME, MYSELF, would be wearing y/n, stop copying me urgh"
℘. will embarrass you in front of everyone "LOOK AT THIS HOT FINE PIECE OF HUMAN, I'LL PAY YOU TO DATE THEM, THEY'RE KINDA DESPERATE", "Y/N YOUR TEDDY BEAR UNDERWEAR IS SHOWING OOOOH SO CUTE LITTLE SLUTTY BABE" (and this is obviously not true, he just wants to embarrass u)
℘. will post your errands on social media and won't care if you look good on the picture or not as long as HE does, and expect something cringe on the text like "shopping with the ugly best friend (the pretty one is obviously me😏🤭🤪🥰🥵)", "here is a gold digger who takes my money for their clothes UwU💸💸💸💸", "they were wearing teddy bear underwear and EVERYONE saw it 🤣🤣🤣"
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⊹˚.⋆ TOJI FUSHIGURO
℘. blank. face. it's a painful moment for him, he doesn't give a damn about your outfit as long as he gets to take it off
℘. feel lucky that he isn't grumbling because he really hates shopping and he hates being in public places (sir knows damn well he'd get chopped up if a white haired mf happened to be around too, gojo gives him social anxiety)
℘. but he doesn't say anything either, you just end up talking to yourself. he OCCASIONALLY sighs though which is the only animation you get from him :/
℘. he discreetly peeps through the curtain to see you nAaAaAkEd😨 and then blushes a bit CUZ YOU'RE PERFECT
℘. will let you play model in the living room if he chooses what you two will watch for movie night "mmmh", "looks good"
℘. AND THE HOTTEST THING HE DOES IS SLIGHTLY RAISE HIS BROWS WHEN HE SEES YOU WITH AN ITEM HE LIKES damn I love this man
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⊹˚.⋆ YUUJI ITADORI
℘. "DAAAAMN YOU'RE LOOKING FINE", "how are you still single seriously, I'd die for you". he's a simp for you, even just as a friend. HE'S SO SUPPORTIVE PLEASE
℘. best shopping buddy literally, he'll be honest and will try his best to sound polite and not mean
℘. AND HIS PICKS ARE SO GOOD, I HEADCANON THAT YUUJI HAS PINTEREST, he's like you're own personal shopper
℘. and he's always so enthusiastic about going shopping, he's just a pleasure to have around
℘. he 100% makes fun of people tho- but you learnt to love it and now you do it with him
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© izukuisbaby. comments appreciated ! although do not modify, translate, copy, claim as your own or repost on any app/platform/social media (this applies to all of my content)💓
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sweaterkittensahoy · 2 months
Note
hey! if you’re still doing prompts—i saw how you said that you take on any ships sort of like a challenge and everything so may i offer you this incredible crackship: douglass/harding in which harding catches him with his ridiculous amount of rubbers and teaches him how to actually use it right
ignore this if u want, or change the ship if u prefer :)
[This grew feelings. I blame feelings.]
Douglass is on his third "welcome back from the dead" whiskey when Colonel Harding comes up to him at the bar and puts a hand on his shoulder. "Sir," Douglass greets.
"How you feeling, Douglass?" Harding asks. He's got a whiskey in his own hand, his cigar in the same hand. His hand lingers for another moment on Douglass's shoulder, then he takes his hand away so he can retrieve his cigar and take a drag. 
"Some bumps and bruises," Douglass says, "but the cuts are the worst of it, Sir."
Harding nods. "Good. Glad to hear it. He leans a little closer, his shoulder brushing Douglass's for a moment. "I do have a question regarding your personal effects, though."
"What's that, Sir?" Douglass asks. 
"Why in the hell do you have so many goddamn prophylactics in your footlocker?"
Douglass snorts whiskey up his nose. Harding gives him one sharp smack on the back as he wheezes. His vision and airways clear after a couple of moments, and he realizes they have an audience. Crosby and Blakely and Hambone and a few others. "Well, Sir," he says, and flashes Harding his most winning smile, "it's been awhile since I had leave."
The boys laugh, and Harding smirks as he sips his whiskey. "For fuck's sake, Douglass, pick a pretty face and get your dick wet before we can float your damn footlocker back to the States after the war."
Douglass leads the laughter this time. "Yes, Sir," he says. "If that's an order, I'll see if I can't trick Blakely right here into a little something tonight."
"I'm still not over the clap you gave me last time," Blakely retorts, which causes even more laughing. 
"Hell, I assumed he just never wears a rubber because the social disease eats through 'em before he even gets started," Hambone adds. 
As the boys keep roasting Douglass, he cuts a quick look to Harding, who takes another sip of his whiskey, then taps his glass three times. Douglass nods once, and Harding steps back away, giving them their space to celebrate again.
"I don't know how you kept laughing like that after the Colonel busted you for those rubbers," Crosby says a few minutes later. "I think I'd have drowned myself in my drink."
"That's where you and I are different, Croz," Douglass says, giving Crosby's a little shake. "I <em>glory</em> in being a pervert. You prefer to keep it between you and the missus," he waits for Crosby to take a sip of his drink before he adds, "And Bubbles."
Crosby spits out his drink. "He <em>told</em>?" he hisses.
Douglass stares. "No!" he says. He covers his mouth. "Holy shit, really?"
"Oh, god," Crosby says. 
"Hey, look, first of all, you know no one fucking cares, right?" Douglass asks. "Wait. I remembered who I'm talking to. So, okay, first of all, Croz, no one fucking cares. We're the fuckingest and suckingest base in the whole fucking ETO. But also, good for you. And Jean. And Bubbles, honestly. If it works, it works."
"I have to go throw myself into an engine," Crosby mutters, putting his hands over his face. "We're gonna–Jean wants to tell her family first, so there's no surprises."
"What? Like a blonde-haired, blue-eyed Crosby?"
Crosby stares at him through his fingers. Douglass heaves a huge sigh. "Okay, that's a yes. So, look, I'm gonna go get your man to come and talk you down from this ledge, and then I'm gonna shut my fucking mouth until the two of you say a fucking word about it, got me?" 
"You love gossip," Crosby says. 
"Oh, I sure do," Douglass agrees. "But you're not the only one trying to figure out when to make a relationship official." Crosby glances at Blakely, which makes Douglass snort. "Nah. Love him like a brother." Crosby looks at Hambone. "Tried it. He bites harder than I like." Douglass watches as Crosby's eyes get impossibly wider. 
"Wait," Crosby whispers. "The Colonel and your foot locker and–"
"Yup," Douglass says, and it's nice to say it to someone, even if Crosby looks like he wants to crawl under the table and never talk to a human being ever again. "So, I know what you're up to, and you know what I'm up to, and we'll both keep our mouths shut until otherwise notified, yeah?"
"Yeah,' Crosby says. He clears his throat and sits up straight, dropping his hands from his face. "I mean, yeah. Obviously. You can trust me."
"I know," Douglass replies. It's true. Crosby's an overthinker, but he only talks too much about his own shit, not anyone else's. "Feel free to tell Bubbles if you want. Only seems fair."
"So, you're gonna tell–" Crosby presses his fingers to his mouth. "It's fine," he says after a moment. "I trust you, too."
"Great." Douglass stands and gives Crosby a grin, then walks over to Bubbles, who's caught in a conversation with a couple other navigators. Douglass doesn't know how the man is managing not to be at Crosby's right arm right now, but he supposes everyone's different when they witness a resurrection. "Crosby needs to talk to you, and for the record, I apologize if he's a little incoherent."
Bubbles gives him a look but doesn't ask, just walks over to Crosby. Douglass watches as Crosby whispers in Bubbles's ear, then watches Bubbles react without words, simply staring like Crosby must be crazy. Crosby nods sharply, and Bubbles laughs, then shrugs, then whispers something back to Crosby that has him laughing, too. 
Yeah, Douglass thinks as he slips out the door of the officer's club, those two and Jean will do just fine. 
He takes his time walking to his destination. He's going to be incredibly early when he gets there no matter, but it feels good to have the air on his face after what he's been through. The fear when they were hit, the crash, the sitting around and waiting for someone who could help them. Then coming back and finding out everyone had thought he'd died. Which, he doesn't blame them for assuming. Everyone saw them losing altitude in a fire fight. He'd have assumed the same. 
But still. 
He looks up at the sky, watching the patchy clouds move for a few seconds before he breathes out hard and looks towards his destination. It's Chick's hut, set a few yards behind the control tower. The lights are on, and Chick's outside, leaning next to the door and staring at the sky like Douglass just was. Douglass gives a low whistle, and Chick meets his gaze. He's mostly done with his cigar, but the ember is still bright on the end, and it shows him the upturned corner of Chick's mouth. 
"I said thirty minutes," Chick greets. 
"Didn't want to wait," Douglass replies. He doesn't stop walking until he can feel the warmth of Chick's body. He's usually a little more careful even though no one ever wanders this way at this time of day. Any possible interest in fucking on, in, or near the control tower is immediately doused by the fact that the CO's hut is within hearing distance. 
Chick takes the last drag of his cigar, and Douglass goes up on his toes, lifting his chin and opening his mouth. Chick holds his chin as he breathes the smoke against his lips, and Douglass feels wild and settled in equal measure. "Come on," Chick says, then just barely touches their mouths together. 
Douglass wants to grab him by his blouse and hold him still while he kisses him until neither of them remember their names. But he remembers their ranks, so he lets Chick open the door and gesture him inside. 
Chick's hut is as classically masculine as he is. A leather couch and chair in front of the wood stove. Simple, dark green curtains on the windows. A small table and two wooden chairs bought from a craftsman in the village next to a low bookcase full of novels and classics. The bed–an actual, real bed–done up in military green with a proper nightstand and dresser but tucked behind a wooden privacy screen that matches the table and chairs. His footlocker acts as the coffee table in front of the couch. There's a single bulb lighting up the whole hut from the middle, but there's also a standing lamp in one corner, angled to reflect the most light from the rafters of the hut, brightening the whole space.
"I thought about this," Douglass says as he looks around the space and notices the changes from just the last few days. There's clean laundry on one of the wooden chairs, and a brand new book on the footlocker. It has a bookmark in it. Chick hasn't gotten very far. 
"Thought about what?" Chick asks. He walks over to the bookcase. The top of it also serves as a small bar area. He opens the whiskey and pours a double-shot into two glasses, then carries them over to Douglass. 
"This," Douglass says, taking the glass with a nod. "The couch. The fire. Your books." He waggles his eyebrows at Chick. "Your bed."
Chick snorts. "Cheeky."
Douglass purses his lips in a kiss. "You've never complained. Not in here, at least."
Chick gives Douglass a considering look, then steps in close. "You were thinking of my quarters while you were crashing?" he asks. 
"Yeah," Douglass says. They've never said much about their relationship, not even to each other. But he's nearly died and was then presumed dead, and then walked back in to a resurrection welcome, and well, that makes a man consider things. "I was scared shitless, and I wanted to think of something safe." 
"Jim, goddamnit," Chick says, looking shattered. "You can't just say that sort of thing without warning." But there's a shaky smile at the corner of his mouth. 
"Well, our navigator shouldn't have steered us into a fucking tree, but here I am," Douglass replies, and the surprised laugh from Chick makes him feel good. 
Chick holds up his glass. "To making it back," he says. "I'm fucking glad."
"Me, too," Douglass agrees, and they tap their glasses together. He takes a sip of the whiskey, then steps forward so he can wrap an arm around Chick's waist. "Now," he says, "let's talk about why you know how many rubbers are in my foot locker."
"I do the final sign off on the inventory slips," Chick says. "I don't usually even read them. Kidd signs off before me, and I know he does. I'm just the final bit of red tape to get them sent. But…" He pauses for a long moment, but he doesn't look away from Douglass. Douglass doesn't look away from him. "I know some things about you, but I wondered what I was about to miss. So, I read it." 
Douglass can't help his chuckle. "And there they were. 200 rubbers."
Chick grins, wide and pleased, the way Douglass always tries to make him grin when they're together. "204, actually."
Douglass throws his head back and laughs. Chick cups the back of his neck like he doesn't want him to get too far away. "They <em>counted</em>?" he says. 
"Wouldn't want anyone to think we stole your rubbers," Chick replies. He leans down and kisses Douglass's Adam's apple. 
Douglass shivers and feels his knees go weak. "Chick," he whispers. Chick mouths his Adam's apple, and Douglass nearly drops his glass. "Fuck." A dragging kiss from his Adam's apple up his throat, across the underside of his chin, then onto his mouth. Douglass's whole body goes tight and wild, and then Chick slips his tongue into Douglass's mouth, and a hint of cigar smoke comes with it, and it's all Douglass can do not to tumble to the floor. 
Chick pulls away, but he keeps his hand on the back of Douglass's head. "Drink your whiskey. I'm taking you to bed."
Douglass nods, lets out a shaky breath, and slams his drink. He wouldn't usually. Chick's personal preference is above and beyond anything in the officer's club, but Chick is staring at him like he plans to eat him alive, and Jesus Christ, he's fucking <em>alive</em>.
Chick throws back his own drink, then takes Douglass's glass and sets them both on the footlocker. He turns back to Douglass and reels him in by the belt, kissing him messy and desperate, his dick hard against Douglass's own through their trousers. 
"Race you," Chick mumbles, and Douglass laughs as they shove each other away at the same time and see who ends up naked first. For all the difference in rank, it's the same amount of clothes, but Douglass has never actually beaten Chick at this silly game and doesn't mind that he loses now. 
"Come here," Chick says, stepping back towards the couch. He sits and reaches for Douglass, pulling him onto his lap. "Let me check on you."
Douglass bites back the urge to say he's fine. He is, really, but they've been doing this awhile, and Chick is just the type to check on bumps and bruises. "I told you," he says because he can't be silent on the matter, "the worst of it is on my face."
Chick makes a considering sound and lightly touches the bruises on Douglass's ribs. He finds the ones on his legs, and his chest, the little knot on his shoulder where he'd slipped and jammed into the bomb site. When he presses, Douglass hisses, and Chick pulls him in so he can kiss where he's caused pain. 
"Softie," Douglass murmurs against Chick's ear. 
Chick smacks his hip, which makes Douglass laugh, and then he checks the rest of the bruises. Once he's satisfied Douglass is just fine, he grabs Douglass's ass in both hands and squeezes hard. "How do you want it?" he asks. 
"How do you want it?" Douglass replies. Chick's fingers dig in, one finger just brushing his hole. Douglass arches forward and bites Chick's lower lip. Chick responds by smacking his hip again. 
"I don't want to hurt you, but I want to give you whatever you want," Chick says, mouth pressed against Douglass's ear. "I always want to give you what you want."
Douglass groans and presses his lips against Chick's temple. "Fuck me," he says. "Fuck me so long and hard I feel fucking alive."
Chick holds Douglass's face in his hands and stares into his eyes for a long, unstoppable moment. "You're alive, Jim."
Douglass feels something tight and hot tie up in his chest, and all he can do is nod. Chick presses his thumbs to the corners of Douglass's mouth, and then the corners of his eyes, and then he drops his hands to Douglass's thighs just under his ass and stands up from the couch, Douglass held secure in his grip. 
And the fear and terror and death wipe away, and he's Jim again. Chick's Jim. Because his parents call him James, and his friends call him Jimmy, and brothers' in arms call him Douglass. And it's Chick, only Chick who calls him Jim. And Chick's name is Neil, but it's not. Not to Jim. Who saw him in a London pub two days before Harding showed up as Thorpe's Abbot CO and said, "My name's Neil, but my call sign's Chick," and Douglass, bombardier to Blakely's pilot, had laughed that of all the men to meet that night, he'd met a fucking pilot.
Chick lays him on the bed and nuzzles his neck, then his chest, then his belly. He grips Jim's thighs hard before he pushes them open, and Jim arches his back at the way the touch goes through him. 
Chick splays a hand wide on Jim's chest before reaching over to the side table. Jim touches Chick's jaw before he can move more and uses a single finger under his chin to lead him up to his mouth. 
They share a shivery kiss, Jim cheating by licking the corner of Chick's mouth, which always drives him wild, and then Chick breaks aways. He comes back for one more, brief kiss, and then he actually turns his head like he has to or else he'll just kiss Jim again.
Jim tilts his chin upwards and smiles at the rafters in the ceiling. His skin is buzzing with <em>being alive</em>, and then Chick drops the open tin of Vaseline next to Jim's ribs, and he arches in anticipation of what's next. 
Chick isn't coy. He rubs two fingers over Jim's hole in a rough caress, and then works both fingertips in at the same time. Jim gasps and grunts, then grabs tight at Chick's wrist before he can pull out. Chick grins, leaning down to kiss Jim's stomach, and then works his fingers in another inch.
"Fucking take me, Sir," Jim says, then laughs when Chick uses his free hand to drag his nails down Jim's thigh. "You're so fucking easy," Jim adds and pushes himself up with his arms. Chick shifts his weight and lifts his hand off Jim's thigh so can can wrap his arm around Jim's lower back and hold him in place for a hot, desperate kiss as he pushes his fingers in another inch. 
Jim sees stars and grabs Chick's bicep. His other hand he uses to cup Chick's face and deepen their kiss. 
They spend several minutes kissing, Chick methodically working his fingers deeper into Jack. When his fingertips press hard on Jim's prostate, he whines and falls back onto the bed. He clenches his muscles around Chick's fingers and groans loudly when Chick leans down to drag his stubble along Jim's dick.
"Please," Jim grits out, pulling at Chick's hair because he can cup his head and clench his fingers. 
Chick chuckles and kisses Jim's slit. "Not enough for you?" His voice is a delicious rumble, low and vibrating. 
But Jim's not easily swayed into admitting what he wants. "I've got 204 rubbers in my footlocker," he says. "I can find someone." He laughs and jerks when Chick rubs against his prostate with unquestionable intent, then pulls his fingers out with perfect roughness. 
"Don't you dare," Chick growls.
Jim watches Chick scoop up Vaseline and grease up his dick. "Well, get on with it," he goads as the fact that he's alive sings across his nerves and Chick's sharp, threatening look of getting fucked into the ground heightens the feeling of it all. 
Chick grabs Jim's hips and lifts him into his lap. He lets go of Jim's left hip for just enough time to line his dick up with Jim's hole, and then he pushes in, hissing through his teeth as Jim grunts and reaches out to grab Chick's forearms and keep him as close as possible as Chick starts to fuck him hard and deep and beautiful. 
Jim pants as Chick fucks him, staring into his eyes as Chick refuses to look away. Jim feels taken apart in a same but different way as he was contemplating his mortality the day before in the fort. The adrenaline is the same. The want is different. Dropping to his death the day before, the want was to survive. Being fucked now, Chick leaning forward with his arms on either side of Jim's head, Jim wants to survive and survive and <em>survive</em>. 
He groans, and it turns into a sound he's never made in his life. A combination of being alive and needing to know he's alive and feeling in every pore how alive he is. Chick sucks hard at his Adam's apple, then kisses his neck and his cheek and finally his mouth. 
"Come on," Chick says into Jim's mouth. "Make a mess."
Jim grabs Chick's shoulders and holds on. He presses his hips upward and whines when Chick grabs his ass and holds him in place so his cock rubs over Chick's stomach again and again. 
"Make a mess," Chick says again. "Make a mess, Jim." 
He comes even as Chuck keeps fucking him at the same tempo. Relentless and perfect and devastating until he pushes his mouth against Jim's ear and comes. 
Jim wraps an arm around Chick's head and holds him close. Chick's own hands press perfectly into Jim's hips as they pant into each other's ears. 
"I thought–" Chick swallows loudly in JIm's ear. 
"Me, too," Jim admits. He digs his nails into Chick's scalp and kisses his temple. "I…" he can't finish the thought, not when they're wrapped up so close. 
Chick breathes in and out. He uses one hand to press Jim gently to the right so they can share a kiss, and as it happens, he pulls out. "Shh," he says when Jim whimpers at the loss. 
"Stay. Stay," Jim says. Something he always wants to say but never has. But he survived his own death yesterday, so he feels like it's okay.
Chick kisses his mouth and his cheek and his collarbone. "Jim," he says. 
"I love you," Jim blurts because it's been caught behind his ribs since he realized he was going to live. "I know we agreed this was a fuck and suck–"
"Hush," Chick replies and his kiss is gentle but certain. "Jesus, when I thought I'd lost you," he murmurs against Jim's mouth, then carefully brushes his thumbs over each of the cuts on Jim's face. 
Jim stares at the rafters and breathes slow and deep. He rubs his hands up and down Chick's back. "Hambone puts those rubbers in my foot locker," Jim says. "He thinks I don't know it's him, but I saw him do it once. It makes him laugh."
"I don't fucking care," Chick says and presses kisses to Jim's chest and arms. 
"It's been rough," Jim says, the closest he can come to admitting the war's fucking exhausting. "And it kept making him laugh."
Chick is taking over his entire line of sight suddenly, so close Jim can't see anything else. "I didn't think you had them to fuck around on me," he says. "If you'd be using them, there'd be less."
And Jim laughs, brash and loud and maybe a little uneven, but it's genuine, and it makes Chick smile at him. They kiss again, slow and easy. But Jim's never been the type who can let something land on soft ground, so when they pull apart, he gives Chick his brashest grin and says, "Hey, so did you know Crosby and Bubbles and Mrs. Jean Crosby are fucking?"
"You might have the worst pillow talk in the entire Air Army," Chick mutters, and Jim laughs and laughs and pulls him as close as he possibly can. When he calms down, Chick is smiling at him like he's wonderful, and Jim takes his chance. "Would you tell everyone about us?"
Chick pushes Jim's curls off his forehead. "Would you tell me you love me?" he asks. 
"I love you," Jim answers instantly. 
Chick kisses Jim on the mouth. "I love you," he replies. It's the first time they've ever said it, but it feels exactly right. Honest but sharp, a little mercenary even. "But at least let me have you all to myself for the rest of the night."
Jim laughs and presses his face into Chick's neck. "Okay," he says. "That feels fair."
13 notes · View notes
scoonsalicious · 1 month
Note
WE R SO CLOSE TO THE END!! POOKIE IM SO PROUD OF YOU!! DELIVERED AND FED US AS ALWAYS.🩷🩷
I. CANT. WAIT. FOR. THE. LIL. ANGST. REVELATION. TOTAL. BITCH. POCKET. AND. BUCKAROO. ON. HIS. KNEES.
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Seriously Pocket and Bucky is SO CUTEEE!!🤍🤍🤍 BOTH OF THEM R SMITTEN FOR EACH OTHER😭
*giggling, kicking my feet, crying because in real life i am lonely*
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GIVE US MORE FLUFFY SEXY POCKET X BUCKY TIME!!🫵🏻🫵🏻🫵🏻
Now let us discuss about cunthage. Pookie already hinted that she’s going after out beloved nerd and as i said before WE SHALL MANIFEST FOR TOTAL BITCH POCKET.
MANIFESTING TOTAL BITCH POCKET MANIFESTING TOTAL BITCH POCKET MANIFESTING TOTAL BITCH POCKET MANIFESTING TOTAL BITCH POCKET MANIFESTING TOTAL BITCH POCKET MANIFESTING TOTAL BITCH POCKET MANIFESTING TOTAL BITCH POCKET MANIFESTING TOTAL BITCH POCKET MANIFESTING TOTAL BITCH POCKET MANIFESTING TOTAL BITCH POCKET
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Jeremiah saying she’s gunna die bcs if she didn’t take Winter Soldier back to HYDRA, they’ll unalive her. Also I think what Pocket said is true about cuntsy ‘like/attracted’ to Buckdoodle (I mean… who wouldn’t?😂) Somehow along the way, she connected with him, caught feelings and shit and ‘fantasising’ a relationship with him cus she’s that much of a cunt. The reason why she didn’t take him to HYDRA (*cough* during the Russia mission — man even I hate remembering/simply writing the Russia mission) is bcs he’s Bucky Barnes at the time and NOT the Soldat. And oh, also she’s enjoying the *cough* fuck ‘activity’. Fucking John IS OBSESSED.
Anywho……
IM JUST GOING TO STOP CRITICAL THINKING ABT WHAT HAPPENED IN RUSSIA AND WAIT FOR MOTHER POOKIE TO DELIVER THE FOOD AND I SHALL EAT IT WITH SUCH FEROCITY.
I want to know why it happened. Why Bucky made that choice (bcs i feel like the reason are still a bit unclear — like why do it again🤨 what is the purpose). I want a full depth of it. If I were Pocket, I *want* to see what happened (even if it killed me — better bleach my eyes). Oh and ofc, im not just gunna roast Jeremy… im roasting Buckwheat too before i forgive him.
*real footage of Pocket transitioningto a total bitch Pocket after the revelation*
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Btw i read someone said Steve’s role? He has a role?!Let’s kill him. HE NEEDS TO BEGONE. GET OUT OF OUR LIFE. Steve and Jeremiah would be a great couple. (sarcasm intended). WHY STEVE? WHY CANT U JUST DUCK OFF. DONT TELL ME STEVE IS THE ONE WHO MADE THAT ‘NEWS’ (him and pocket false relation). OR THE ONE WHO LET CUNTHAGE TO GO TO THE RUSSIA MISSION. DONT FUCK W ME STEVE IM WARNING YOU. BACK THE FUCK OFF.
Also, I JUST remembered that Nat said Steve didn’t want Bucky to replace Dark Chocolate. I tell ya, HE’S FISHY. HE MUST HAVE A HIDDEN PLAN. HE DIDNT WANT BUCKY TO MEET POCKET, NOT BCS HE CARES FOR POCKET (okay, maybe he cares a little — bcs duh he *cough* loves likes her) but still he has his own agenda). HES PLANNING TO ‘CHARM’ POCKET. NAH. BACK OFF!!
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Oh and rewinding back to chapter 26, that’s love right there. Pocket reassuring Bucky even when she didn’t trust him anymore, and Bucky ‘rejecting’ — pulling himself away — bcs it’ll kill him if she didn’t reciprocate his feelings. BTW THE KISS?!😫😫😫 *squealing like a child*. The way Bucky became owigoowie (man idk if this is even a word) when he said ‘present tense’. (🥹 — this is literally his facial expression at the time)
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Alrighty, as usual, mother pookie, i love you and i wanna kiss you just like how Bucky kiss the life out of Pocket🩷🩷🩷 I didn’t say this much but thank u for everything. Thank you for writing. Thank you for sharing. Thank you for replying. I know I type a lot bcs I want to really express how im feeling, but it sometime is restricted/limited bcs im not a native english speaker😂 so my thoughts aren’t conveyed fully/correctly. (Also bcs i am just that dramatic and a yapper)
Please, take a great rest while you can. Hope you always in the pink. Again, I cant wait for the lil angsty, bitchy Pocket and revelation in chp 27. I am eagerly waiting for the showdown (*cough*, please, let there be a scene of Bucky punching Jonah and Stevuck). Thy meowsies love thou, mother pookie🫵🏻
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PS// I KNOW I SAID I RUN OUT OF CAT SMOOCH GIFS BUT I CANT HELP MYSELF AND SEARCH FOR IT. THIS IS FROM GOOGLE😭
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Since you gave me a photo of Elliot and Theo, I presented to you my unhinged (literally) cats, fat one is Hyde (Haida) and smaller one is Muezza (Moja).
OH! Out of topic…
RAGHHHH MALAYSIA MENTIONEDDDDD!!!🫵🏻🇲🇾🇲🇾🇲🇾KKAW KKAW
>>>and if there is a typo im sorry😂
Pookie, if you thought I fed you yesterday, I will GOURGE YOU TODAY! Eight mother fucking parts! Fuck. All the revelations in this chapter (well, most of them, anyway, lol).
Bucky and Pocket are just unable to not be together. It goes against their very DNA.
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I have eleven fluff/smut post-series oneshots planned for the two of them, so we shall have happy times once the story is done. I can't quit them. They are my OTP (sorry, Buffy & Spike :( ).
Total Bitch Pocket has been unleased for Chapter 27! The snark is strong, and she is not afraid to unleash it, even if it has some negative consequences for her. She is using her greatest weapon at her disposal-- her dirty mouth, lol.
Jacoby is TOTALLY OBSESSED with Bucky-- it doesn't even matter what Hydra wants with him now. She wants him, and that's her prime objective. You will now be able to see what happened in Russia (Pocket, too!) and what happened to get him into that position. Ugh, I want to write so much more to you, but I am so dehydrated from this fucking migraine that my entire body hurts, so I can't type a lot without pain. Just know I love you, I love reading your comments. Your kittens are adorable and I want to give the squeezies.
xoxo You're the best!
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marcusrobertobaq · 1 year
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Why do i think Hank ain't Connor's "dad" or i ain't a fan of the idea overall:
I didn't play Canon-Path and i ain't Canon-Path™;
Cole;
I don't infantilize AI enough to think a man that lost his son and been struggling for 5yrs gonna find a new son, an android/AI, in 4 days, doing exactly what he critcized for yrs;
Super cool your gun, is it to shoot somebody's head? Nah, what about corner an android cuz mf want u to do your fucking job?
Why do i think Hank ain't Connor's romantic interest (vice-versa) or i ain't a fan of the idea overall:
Connor's story ain't about romantic love, it's about being in the crossroads, choosing between 2 worlds (identity and independence);
Hank's story ain't about finding a new person, is about overcoming depression and remembering who he is (identity);
Buddy cop cliche;
95% of my friendship/partnership experiences were male ones;
I ain't Canon-Path™;
If u wanna do your bullshit post-canon i don't fucking care, but quit sayin' A is right and B wrong. Y'all both wrong. Their shit can lead to both (ofc in your post-canon timeline and after some good months depending on how u played). In the game timeline? NOP.
And for the love of god or any entity: PLAY ALL ROUTES AND VARIATIONS if possible and READ THE CHARACTERS. I roasted this dude back everytime he tried starting something and we only became "friends" LITERALLY in their last chapter together. How tf do y'all want me to see 'em as father/son or a gay couple? I gonna think both of y'all are crazy in da head.
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xoculture · 2 years
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HEADCANONS FOR MY BOYFRIEND DR SKRRRRT
HI SANDRA!!!!!!!!
Miguel
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hes mad here but hes so fine HELP-
He’s the one I feel like id get along with the most
he’s my age, he likes my music and we like the same movies
Miguel loves car dates, just blasting music from the shared playlist, taking a drive, and getting out is so relaxing to him.
he loves to do karaoke too, we just fuck around on the mic (skrrt Sandra let's have karaoke dates ur bf can dedicate an emo song to you)
I feel like we’re the best friend dynamic out of the relationships
thats how it would probably go: friends to lovers
hes like a good guy for serious hes sooo respectful and polite 
pulls up to the pad and if any family is there he makes sure to introduce himself n all that
HIM TEACHING ME KARATE. yeah. its so cute and he like lowkey roasts me like bro please i can barely stand correctly 
going to the arcade so i can beat him at steet fighter
HE LOVES MATCHING LIKE IDK WHY HE JUST DOES
minimal beef with the rest of the bfs but
he does. not. like. Matt.
like, at all.
“You know what sensei would say about him?” “yeah yeah- strike first, strike hard, no mercy his ass.”
he doesn't mind Bill, but he feels like he has to take him (and Ted) in moderation
Out of all the guys, he trusts Bill the most
Miguel prefers to hang out at my house but feels awkward when Eddie is around
especially after he found out Eddie and Matt were best friends
good thing Eddie works when Miguel is done with practice, then he can sneak in without feeling weird
would sooo get along with Jack. I feel like he and Jack would be down to hang out with or without me and his girl (hi sandra)
Miguel loves cuddling but he won't do it in front of the others bf’s, he’ll feel some type of way if one of the guys was shamelessly touching me and acting as if he wasn’t there (EX. Dario, Matt. Bill does it without even realizing he’s doing it- regardless I will not do my lil latino bf dirty)
His arms......... around......... my torso.................... need a seat help
I feel like sex with him would be so natural 
like he wouldn't have much experience, he’d try his best
that sounds so bad nah he does a good job but he doesn't get around is what I mean *crying emoji*
Kind of goofy because it's so light-hearted, i dunno Miguel just gives off "virgins not virgining anymore" vibes idk
i lov him xoxo
Dario
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Nah I'm pushing it with this one, cause no one likes him, aside from Gael maybe
NO MY BOYFRIEND CRAZY HE KILL PEOPLE
u know what tho he hasn’t thought about killing Bill or Miguel
hurting them, maybe, but never kill
they're just stupid teenagers to him, one of my “friends”
*me coming back from hanging out with Bill* “hey, Dario.” “There you are. How’s your little friend? the blonde one you were with.”
Matt and Gael tho? no yeah he has thought about killing them
“I could do it so easily, do you want to hear-?” “I’d rather not hear about how you’d kill my other boyfriends.”
Jealousy? Unsure. He is possessive, period. He doesnt like to share (he can barely tolerate the other guys) so if anyone outside the circle tries to holla at me,,,, yeah no that person will get beat
He has this weird competition thing with Gael. They’re kind of friends but would kill each other over me
Dario is a few years younger than Gael, but is kind of jealous of him in a way, particularly about how affectionate Gael is compared to Dario
he isn’t the softest but he does try his best
He’ll do things with me even if he isn’t interested in them. Unless he feels like he will absolutely hate the activity, he doesn't like to admit he enjoys doing whatever with me
Likes when i’m just lounging on him, he puts a hand right below my chest, or plays with my hands.
Insecure about the amount of affection he gives (or lack thereof), he wasn't used to it in the beginning, but after becoming accustomed to it, he feels like he just doesn't give as much as he gets and it conflicts with him
"Does it bother you that I hold you less than other guys?"
or 
"What do the others give you that I don't?" 
Lowkey a lot of reassurance
Due to Dario doing shady shit in other countries, he’s gone for periods of time
By the time he comes back, its late at night or very early in the morning. he always comes to my place first, not caring about whos there. If I’m not in bed by the time he comes, he’ll give me a really long hug before taking me to the bedroom to rest
If i’m not home, he’ll wait for me
poetic in a way (am I grasping at straws? yes. Dario is MY oc now leave me alone), would tell me about how he’d cut out the heart of every man who’s ever looked at me with lust and give it to me as an offering. yaaaay
aside from those... words of affirmation(?), he’d not super affectionate unless we’re messing around (uknowwhatimsayin)
Dario knows how to treat a girl tho like yessss f*ck me and tell me how’d you kill me
long fingers. need I say more?
When me and Dario bang, he likes to name drop the other guys, especially Gael
“look at you unraveling without permission... Gael’s been spoiling you. Looks like I’ll have to retrain you, hm?” or “He doesn’t make you cry like this, does he?” gay ass why are you thinking about another man's performance during sex
Love my crazy ass man fr
Matt
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this absolute fucking loser
like get him out of my sight
but also I wanthispenis so bad
horny. always
me yes but mostly him
I be getting ready for school and Matt will smack my ass like “heeey daisy dukes, wanna skip? spend the day with your incredibly sexy and horny boyfriend?” like yes no sir my education is important... “I can miss first period”
spoils me yup idc he got that hacker money which he spends on those nerdy ass collectables and me 
watching horror movies together except he actually tells me when things are scary and lets me know before hand 
ME NOT LETTING HIM KNOW IM TERRIFIED OF SPECIFICALLY SCREAM AND HIM PUTTING IT ON LIKE “This one’s good. Beginner friendly since you’re a scaredy cat” and me seeing Casey like oh no
thinks most of the apocalyptic movies i watch are boring but watches them with me anyways 
OMG OUR MUSIC TASTES. 
ARE SOOOOOOO DIFF
like hes emo and rock but not classic rock because “just cause its old doesnt make it classic. what sucked back then still sucks now” ok controversial kinggg
like he listens to Evanescence, Deftones, Greenday (on occasion), Slipknot etc
and I listen to like don omar, daddy yankee, kesha etc
so we tolerate each others music taste (i like what he listens to more then he likes mine *sobbign*)
theres no smooth transition to this so: when we first started dating he like. had no desire to dance at all and like ok cool and id dance with other guys but SOMETIMES. I WANNA DANCE WITH MY BOYFRIEND. 
and so freddy came in and was like “hey man you gotta dance with your girl” and matt basically said that dancing is stupid and he cant do it and Freddy just looked at him like: are you dumb
basically pushed him into letting me teach him to dance and even tho hes not the best hes more comfortable doing it and actually has a desire to dance with me so <3 
he thinks it's funny to mess with the younger guys. will go out of his way to do so
*Matt, Miguel, and I together for some reason in the car* “hey, this is the song we hooked up to last night-” “Matt- shut the fuck up.” “whaaat, I'm joking, relax.” He's laughing as he watches Miguel try not to scream from the back seat (like Matt is an actual asshole)
Is terrified of Dario but he feels like he has the upper hand since he’s dating me and offers something Dario cant give, therefore he’s safe
Out of all the guys, he’s the least jealous. He feels like he’s the one that holds the most cards, so he isn’t worried about the other guys
Justin Long still exists (cause I said so) and he looks very similar to Matt
*Matt and I cuddling, watching a Justin long movie* “... I’d make out with him.” “C’mon, him? I could beat the shit out of that guy.” 
Eddie hates being around when Matt is home for me
even tho they're besties, Eddie would prefer to not be around to hear the things that go on in my bedroom
Matt..... lord Matt................ sex with matt got me salivating
he takes his time- and no, it's not cause he wants to be romantic or whatever, he takes his time so he can see me cry
loves c*ckwarming he loves it
Sitting on his lap while he plays his stupid nerd games, penis in coochie, he livin the life stayin in there
Or if he’s really stressed he’ll just put it in whatever hole (mouth or cooter) he feels like and leave it in there
he loves fucking when the other guys are around it gives him such an ego boost covering my mouth with his hand and then “oops, hand slipped, hope they didn’t hear” yes you do you asshole
honestly he thinks trying to cover up noises is more erotic than letting others hear
LOVES TO RECORD US TOO. all of it is locked up securely but “look at you, so fucking desperate... show your other boyfriends how braindead you are for me.” He does, however, send the more tame videos to the other guys. “You know I couldn't not send them that video, who am I to withhold art from them?” asshole
HES THE ONE WHO SAID “i love you” FIRST I STAND BY THIS (SAID IT TWICE BEFORE ME.)
FIRST TIME: We where having sex and it was like, vanilla, unintentionally super romantic (surprising, i know), and while im there... bouncing on his PENIS. HE SAYS IT
“Fuck, holy shit- I love you, so much.” All broken moan yeah this is explicitly horny but idc I LOVE HIM
Never brought it up after he said it, but the SECOND TIME: 
I WAS GONNA WRITE ABOUT IT BUT U KNOW WHAT THATS A FIC PROMPT... BYE
aside from sex tho he’s genuinely so affectionate. He’ll lay in my lap, cuddle on the couch, sit me in his lap while hes doing his computer stuff, tangle himself into me in whoever's bed, he needs some sort of physical contact or else he cannot function
“babebabebabe, just stay here a little longer.” “Eddie’s gonna walk in soon.” “I’ll take the lecture, just let me hold you for a bit.”
PDA is the same too he needs to feel me or else he’ll be irritating
sobbing so hard and like he GOT AN IPOD because he wanted to have a thing with me 
“hey i got this can you help me out with it?” LIKE KNOWING DAMN WELL HE DOESNT NEED ANY HELP FROM ME
and like i jail break it for him and like show him themes n shit 
and he finds it so tedious to get music so hes like “hey do you mind downloading music? It’s such a pain in the ass” and im like “YES I LOVE YOU.” and i download shit for him bc i love him and i love downloading music and i come back and he’s like “you’re the best i love u” 
AND EVEN THO HE FINDS IT TEDIOUS
HE STEALS MY IPOD AND LEAVES PLAYLISTS ON THERE LIKEEEE.......
BRO PLEASE
an actual baby
I LOVE YOU MATT
Bill
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HATES MY MUSIC TASTE LIKE ACTUALLY I CANT GET OVER IT
HE CANT STAND IT 
“C’mon xolo, this is barely music- let me put something of culture on, like Van Halen!” (i tried shut up)
lets me paints his nails love that for us
HE. HE. HE.... CROP TOPS
wears more when he realizes it makes me drool
I feel like him and Miguel really bond over music. Miguel is super into rock of the 80′s so at least they got each other a little
hiii sandra u already KNOW how awesome the double dates are SKRRRT 
He’s stubborn. thats it.
imma be real wit you i have MINIMAL head canons cause idk *crying emoji* its hard writing for him 
I STILL WANNA KISS U BILL IM SORRY
Gael
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FINALLY GAEL
everything is in spanish, he shit talks the other guys in spanish and only Miguel and Dario knows what hes saying
“Puedo ver al ecuatoriano, pero ¿ese güero? ¿en serio?” “yes, so be nice” (he thinks bill is so annoying)
literally the most gentleman ever
opens car doors for me, insists on paying for everything etc. He grew up in the “ men always provide” enviorment
He loves spending time with me which is hard since i have to juggle 5 other babies
aka hes a lil needy but also is an adult so. he gets that i need space
he is a little crazy like its in him you just gotta trigger it... 
Dario triggers it
fucking hates dario but theyre like frenemies i swear.
“No sabía que estabas con Xolo.” / “No necesitabas saber.” (the passive aggressiveness between these two i swear)
Gael loves hugs so much he can do it for hours
He also loves dancing. mans is a romantic, he will dim the room lights, play some Pepe Aguilar and pull me into him
we listen to a lot of spanish music, loves singing Alejandro Fernandez’ heartbroken boleros to me as we clean either of our houses
“si alguna vez me dejas, nunca me recuperaré.”
Out of everyone, we fight the most
He feels like more of an adult compared to everyone else, so he thinks hes the most mature
when in reality hes just as stupid as everyone else
HES ALSO THE ONE WHO GETS THE MOST JEALOUS
its so bad
its slightly okay from anyone within the circle but anyone outside the circle? yeah no he becomes homicidal
*guy tryna holla at me in a club* “what’s a pretty little thing like you doing here all by yourself?” “She’s not by herself.”
Tiny compared to the other adults, same height as Bill (5′7) and one inch shorter then Miguel. It infuriates him
Hes so pretty i could stare at him for HOURS...
ok..... ok i think im done 
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xxe123spiderfreakxx · 2 years
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ghost hunt is so funny bc mai and naru just communicate so poorly with each other and they can be so toxic to each other and im like omg go to therapy you stupid idiots and then maybe you’ll actually get to hold hands
naru will be like im sorry i didnt tell you something that would have easily stopped this huge friendship shattering fight we had
and mai will be like well if you hadn’t roasted me in front of our coworkers maybe i wouldnt have had to dish ur dirt
and then naru is like oh cripes u had a nightmare heres a cup of tea and instead of pulling her up and away from the crumbling ceiling he just jumps on her to catch the ceiling with his back 
and mai is like gosh i want to spend time with him outside of work but i’ll never ask him out and i’ll be sad forever bc we’ll never hang out and it’s completely unpreventable /:
and he addresses masako formally and grudgingly goes out with her and even after she says there’s no spirits we think it’s kasai as soon as mai , a then latent psychic, says nah dawg i swear it ain’t hes like yeah mai’s right lets keep digging and absolutely CAVES when she wants to have a xmas party at the office and goes along with her goofy revenge scheme for a sitebound spirit despite everyone advising against it and then offers mai an easy well paying job to spend more time with her and help her out and he invites back people she cares about to work with them and mai is like damn i can’t compete with a hot lesbian medium /:
and THEN mai is like maybe stop being a bitch so our friends stop getting beat and naru’s like that shit was crazy anyway i’m oliver davis and just puts himself in the hospital to prove a point 
not to mention this was the second time he put himself in the hospital for mai’s sake BYE YOU STUPID FRUIT
and mai is like damn i was just worried about you bc you had to fish your brother’s body out of a lake and is also upset that she might never see him again and wants his number and naru’s like yeah but you like him actually so
they would be an unkillable lesbian duo if they both could fucking talk
tho naru took the L on the god killing thing and mai was completely reasonable for most of their fights TBH. the secrecy stuff maybe not but her getting mad for him turning the koduku around, or the stupid shrine god nonsense? jfc these two are some traumatized idiots and i love them anyway gn
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gingeraleluke · 3 years
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Another one from me!
Fast forward: Modern Family HAHAHAHAHA
I HAVE LITERALLY NEVER SEEN IT SO THIS SHOULD BE FUNNY
I JUST GOOGLED WHAT THEY LOOK LIKE AND HOLY SHIT THATS A BIG ASS FAMILY
the only thing i know about this show is sofia vergara, sarah hyland, and raini rodriguez’s brother is in it 💀
IM SURE ITS GOOD OKAY DONT JUDGE ME I HAVENT SEEN A LOT OF SHOWS
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ALRIGHT I DONT KNOW THEIR NAMES
SO SORRY IF IM OFFENSIVE LMFAOOO AND IF I GIVE U A BAD CHARACTER, IM SORRY IDK THESE PEOPLE
okay first off
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starting with this mf who looks like he reads smut so imma say this is @wrldofspice bc they are freaky asf and i feel like they post smut on the daily
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this girl looks like she would push you on purpose and blame it on your huge feet 😀
IM JUST ROASTING THEM AT THIS POINT BUT WHATEVER
i don’t want to tag anyone as her bc she seems mean so imma just say myself
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this is @mrspetxrs ….idk why i can’t explain it but it’s them 😭
she kinda looks like her favorite food is roast beef
but anyways
next is sarah hyland’s character
she seems nice but also looks like she would steal your science homework and your man.
imma say that this is @vinniehcker
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LMFAOOOO
JUPSCARE WARNING ⚠️
NO FORREAL WHY DOES HE LOOK LIKE THAT
mans built like the green goblin lowkey
IM SORRY THATS SO MEAN PLEASEE
he looks conservative yet sensitive
i’m giving this to @vinnieslut bc he seems like a slut as well ✨🤍 /lh
next is sofia’s character
aight come on guys
this is me
we got the same big biddies and everything 🤩
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NAHH THIS IS FUCKED BUT IM GIVING THIS TO @itskoushi BC THEY A MINOR 💀
next one is rico so i’m giving it to @chalametsamour for being swag.
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is… is that robert irvine??
ITS NOT??!!
I JUST FUCKING GOOGLED IT
HE LOOKS JUST LIKE HIM PLEASE NO WAIT READY ILL SHOW YOU
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NAH THATS THE SAME PERSON IM TAGGING MR ROBERT IRVINE FOR THIS ONE CHEIF
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this is @insaneinsiders because he has the same crazy look in his eye
he looks like he enjoys eggnog on a christmas morning and i can appreciate that
he also looks like he gets stressed easily
next is the ginger who i’m gonna give to @sofslander because i’m a ginger and i deserve the world, just like sof does!!
and lastly, the little girl
who is obviously @diorjadore
because she’s got her hands on her hips like she’s about to steal the spotlight
and raven is a baddie just like that kid
anyways
i hope you enjoyed me roasting the characters of a show i’ve never seen!
COME JOIN THE SLUMBER PARTY!
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taywans · 3 years
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atots plays into queerbaiting stereotypes but dares to resolve it in the most healthy, satisfying non-heteronormative way ever 👏👏👏 i was originally so skeptical of 1000 stars because the premise is really similar to a lot of straight shows i’ve watched, i.e. the shipper/mr queen. BUT DAMN ATOTS REALLY WENT ALL OUT TO GIVE US GOOD LGBT REP AND GOOD PLOT.
tian being worried that he only likes phupha because of the heart transplant? shut down by tul in 0.2 seconds, boom. tul telling tian that feelings stem from his brain and not his heart, and roasting him for being stupid literally revived me. we also stan tul for being like. if i told u i was straight what do u feel ... using a dog vs cats analogy to desc sexuality ... trying to get through to tian that being gay and liking phupha ARE TWO SEPARATE THINGS that he needs to consider !!
the reason why tian ‘acts’ like torfun? its literally bc he’s reading torfun’s diary entries and trying to act like her (though ok, in retrospect this is kind of weird). NOT because he received a heart transplant - shit doesnt work like that.
the whole . bury your gays trope? nah fam. when tian and phupha split in ep 9 i was deathly afraid it was gonna end with a ‘we have feelings for each other but i want the best for you so we can’t be together after all’-esque tragedy. the fact that we saw a happy resolution to their relationship, phupha finally accepting tian’s feelings explicitly ... it was all so relieving to me
after being qb’d for so many gd times its so satisfying to see atots set a standard for how shows in the future can tackle topics such as body/soul swapping, heart transplants, etc. no more, they return to their own bodies and the hetero couple just get together like the personality behind the face doesnt matter. or, oh, i only like him because i’m in a female presenting body and when i return to my own body, my feelings will disappear. no more bullshit. 
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internalsealpanic · 3 years
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Camp Crystal What?
summary: Camp Crystal Lake is a fine and dandy place to spend your summer, said no one ever. You are inclined to agree with that and so are Damian and Jon. 
a/n: I am back from retirement with a REEEEEEAAAAALLLLY long crack fic. (This is long as shit by my standards. Leave me alone.) This  was co written and edited by my wife @littleredwing89. She was also the biggest enabler for this. I tried to give reader some executive dysfuction but I don’t think it worked out well. We’ll see. This is my first super sons fic please feel free to roast it. 
warnings: This really self indulgent and really long. You would think I would have more gore in a slasher film based fic. No. Apparently not. 
masterlist
Jon cackles, his chin lifting only slightly from its perch on your shoulder just enough for you to fully hear the petty sound. You tilt your switch, sticking out your tongue in a vain attempt to avoid Damian’s blue shell. You cry out, throwing your arms up in exasperation as the shell hits you just as you were about to cross the finish line. Your outstretched prosthetic arm nearly hitting Jon in the process, not that you felt too bad about that considering…
 “Yeah! Got ‘em, Dami!” Jon says, high fiving a smug-looking Damian beside you.  You glare at Jon, who was still leaning against you like you weren’t about to bite his head off. “Whose side are you on?”
 “Justice!” This draws a snort out of both Tim and Jason who were both sitting in the back. 
 “No, you’re not!”
 “Yes, I am!”
 “He is, (l/n). You needed to be cut down to size," Damian declares, subtly brandishing his screen showing Rozalina doing a little victory lap in her kart as her little star guy floated around her. You pout at him, puffing your cheeks like an unruly chipmunk as you cross your arms over your chest. This only serves to make Damian all the smugger and Jon all the more gleeful at your loss. 
 You turn the full force of your ire on Jon who was smiling innocently at you, big blue eyes sparkling reminding you of your husky, Yoohoo. You’re about to say something scathing but stop instead deciding to stew in your loss and sulk as you hand Jon your Switch. You’d think he would be more prepared since he was the one who insisted on coming with you to this camp. Now that you think about it, why were they here? All you remember is telling Jon that you couldn’t go visit him over the summer because your parents were sticking you in a summer camp while they go abroad for something and the next thing you know is that you’re in an SUV with Jon, Damian, Damian’s older brother’s, and their friend(?). Whatever she was to them Damiam never adequately explained like everything else. Though you suspect she was Dick’s wife judging from how little they cared whether the other invaded their space. The lack of a wedding ring made you unsure. 
 You let out a little huff, melting into your oversized Gotham U hoodie, letting Jon lean on you despite your sour mood and touch aversion. You lean against him in return and watch as Yoshi zips past Rosalina in mild petty satisfaction. 
You all file out of the car, drowsy and irritable. You muss Jon’s bed head into an even more tangled mess. Neither of you tells Damian about the streak of drool on his face. Tim shuffles the three of you towards the convenience store while Jason politely explains to the mechanic that he’s wrong, Dick orders lunch at the diner and makes a call back to Gotham presumably to make sure Wayne industries isn’t burning down. 
Over your shoulder, you can see Jason’s form working hard not to look threatening. It’s not working or maybe the mechanic was shaking because Faust isn’t even trying to hide the irritation wicking off of her. 
 “He wha-” Tim pinches the bridge of his nose muttering something about Mr.Wayne. He looks pained. Tim hands you a wad of one-dollar bills as his voice takes Timothy Wayne's public speaker pitch. All of the Wayne’s seem to have three voices. Their Wayne voice, their vigilante voice, and their normal voice. Mr. Wayne has the most distinct voice. Dick’s was honestly really hard to distinguish.  
 You count the wad of cash in your hand as Jon grabs a basket from the pile. You note, with amusement, that at least five of the bills had variations of ‘don’t buy cereal’ written on them in distinct handwriting. 
 “Kent, are you planning to put the entire store in the basket?”
 “Nah, just the good stuff.”
 You marvel at the amount of food Jon managed stockpile in your basket while you were distracted. 
 “Uh, Jon, we don’t need that much.” Plus, I don’t think we can eat all of that. 
 “They’re right,” Damian chides, making Jon pout. 
 After a healthy amount of debate, two almost food fights, a near fistfight, and your attempt at puppy dog eyes, you finally narrow the snacks down and even have enough money left for slushies. You shrug at her, adding more blue than necessary. There weren’t rules against this. Plus, it was tastier this way. 
 “Dami,  what flavor do you want?” Jon shouts from the slushie machine.  Beside him, you swirl a mix of red, green, pink, and blue slushies. The lady at the counter was wrinkling her nose at you the way Dami is wrinkling his nose at Jon.
 Jon’s big cup of neon blue smoothie dropped to the floor in a loud clatter. 
 “You’re all doomed! He’s coming. He’s coming! That place is cursed!” The scraggly man screams as he shakes Jon. Damian’s lip tries not to curl in amusement as you both watch the scene unfold. Out of context, this was horrifying. In context, it was hilarious especially considering how badly Jon is acting. The clerk at the counter looks appropriately horrified. You look at Jon, feeling a twinge of worry. He’s not in danger. You know that but you can’t help it.
 Your concoction flies into the man’s face in no time flat and Jon scrambles to your side as soon as the man drops him. You step in front of him bracing for further confrontation but the man simply walks off muttering about something you couldn’t hear over the beating of your heart. 
“Exactly, why am I in the back?” Jason whines, unfolding and refolding himself, not quite sure where to place what limb in the cramped back row of the SUV. You let out a giggle which earns you a rather harsh glare from an already irate Jason. Damian glares back at him for you, in an oddly protective gesture, and you can’t help but feel strangely smug about it. 
 They glower at each other for a few minutes. Jason, probably knowing this was a stalemate, turns his attention towards the front of the vehicle, sharp green eyes narrowing at the rearview mirror. “Shouldn’t Faust’s short ass be in the back with Timbo and the Three Tiny Terrors?” 
 You hear an amused huff from the front along with the loud crinkling and shuffling of the map. Faust glances over her shoulder, the bright mischief in her eyes contrasting with the rich brown of her skin. You wonder if everyone in Damian and Jon’s lives were all this pretty. An almost smile quirks on the edges of her lips as she says “You didn’t call shotgun~”
 Jason hisses something colorful behind you. Tim, beside him, is chuckling either from Jason’s misery or, based on the defeated cry coming from Jon, having just nailed Yoshi with lightning. Could be both. It was likely. 
 Jason, looking positively annoyed, unfolds himself and violently settles his feet on Tim’s lap. Tim yelps then says something close to a swear word. Jason grins lazily looking more like a cat as he leans back. This time Jon cries out in joy, the victory music blaring from your switch. Again, Tim hisses something edging towards a curse word. Jon wriggles out of his seat and fist bumps Jason who returns the gesture enthusiastically. In the reflection on the windshield, you can clearly see the amusement in Dick’s smile. Even to your right, Damian seems amused if not outright gleeful at seeing Tim’s misery.  You couldn’t quite tell. You weren’t a master of reading Waynes yet. You would turn to Jon but he wasn't fluent either. Faust told you that it would take a while which just meant that you would never master it. Reading people was hard enough as it was. There was always something difficult about interpreting social signals. It was so easy to get them wrong and when you add in the complication of being a vigilante you just found yourself frustrated. You slump into the seat feeling the frustration writhing under your skin. Jon noticing your frustration eases up and gives you a little more space. 
 "So, what's with the map?" Tim asks, throwing Jason's feet back at him and handing you his switch. Faust wrinkles her nose at the offending piece of paper. "Well, Dicktopus here insisted on the authentic road trip atmosphere complete with bad cell signal, a map, and oh right, getting lost." Dick gives her a look which Faust just shrugs it off. 
 "Like what? The Goofy movie?" Tim asks incredulously, his brows wrinkling in the rearview mirror as he gives Dick a withering look. 
 Faust snorts in confirmation. Jon’s face crumples in confusion. You make a small hiccupping noise mimicking the noise that passes for Goofy's laugh and you see as the bleary memory clicks into place. "You mean the old movie we watched last night?"
 "It's old but gold," Dick defends fervently, earning him an indulgent smile from Faust and a withering look from Damian. Damian shrinks into his seat unwilling to expend too much effort defending his mentor's taste in movies despite him enjoying the movie. You did too but you wanted to see how this would play out. Behind you, Jason shifts, a shark-like grin plastered across his face. " Just because that's the movie you modeled your life after, Big Bird, doesn't mean it's good."
 Dick makes this affronted noise that makes him sound a little like he's squawking. "It's a good movie and you know it!" Dick says earnestly, scowling at a still cocky Jason through the reflection in the windshield. You see Damian, Jason, Faust, and Tim's eyes meet in the rearview mirror, all shining conspiratorially. You and Jon give each other a look, each looking like you're bracing for disaster. 
 "Dunno, Dick, I think the second one was soooo much better," Tim pipes up finally. It sounds like the spark lighting a trail of gunpowder towards a powder keg. 
 "I have to agree with Drake," Damian says honestly sounding pained. 
 Faust rewards him with a conspiratorial smile which makes Damian ease a little. The gesture from what you understood roughly translated to 'it was for the greater good.' "So much for your taste in movies, Dickens," Faust teases, poking a finger at Dick’s shoulder. 
 "You're one to talk!" Dick says, rolling his eyes childishly. 
 Faust twists her body to look at all 5 of you, winking at you and Jon as if she was about to perform a magic trick, which wasn't off the table since she could actually pull weapons from her tattooed skin. "You guys loved Lake Placid, right?" 
 Playing along, you each gave varying sounds of agreement til Dick finally threw his hands up in exasperation. "HEATHENS!" Faust looks pleased as punch at this reaction. You giggle as Dick groans into the steering wheel as you slow to a stop in front of a cross-section. 
 "Traitors all of you," Dick says, resting his arm on the back of his seat and giving all of you a halfhearted scowl. He kind of looked like Yoohoo when you refused to give him treats. 
 You all bask in Dick’s misery. You even catch Jon giggling at Dick’s frown despite himself. The rest were completely unrepentant. They don't even bother to hide the self-satisfied smiles on their faces, least of all Damian who vehemently protested to being subjected to such drivel. This is, of course, ignoring the fact that he had watched the movie with the same rapt attention as you and Jon. You all enjoyed the movie just as much as Dick did but it was much funnier to gang up on him. 
 Dick continues to argue his point as all of you offer, frankly, bogus arguments that you say with as much conviction as Dick levels against you. The banter continues in a rather jaunty rhythm until a fallen tree forces the car into a rather abrupt stop. 
 "Shit!" Jason hisses at full volume as his knees hit the back of Damian’s seat which draws out a soft 'oof' from Damian which quickly reshapes into a snarl. Tim and Damian give Jason a look of mock sympathy. Jason raises his middle finger in a vaguely familiar gesture. 
 "Jason!" Dick says, cutting off your train of thought much to your frustration. You contemplate hissing some colorful words yourself. 
 Jason grunts, probably rubbing his shins. "They've heard, said, and done worse." You hear Jon protest beside you but it's quickly cut off by a 'not you' from somewhere. 
 Then it hits you. "Oh yeah! Dami did that hand thingy when he drop-kicked someone during lunch," you admit conversationally. 
 "Dami!" 
 Damian gives you an absolutely betrayed look. You shrug at him not entirely sure what was wrong. You shrink a little and Damian pulls back a little but still glares. 
 "Didn't you hear him say the F-word?" Jon adds. You blink at him, running through your memory like a film reel and turning up nothing. "Some of us don't have super hearing," you supply with no real anger behind it. 
 "Ope, sorry, (y/n)." You shrug at him congenially as he smiles sheepishly at you. No harm no foul. 
 "Kent!"
 "Oh- Uh, sorry, Dami." 
 Damian doesn't look appeased at all by this. 
 “Ok, so we’re just gonna skip over the fact that he drop-kicked someone?” Tim asks, raising a brow and you find yourself thinking, “Well, yeah. He’s Robin. That’s kinda his thing.”
 Jason snorts beside him, seemingly less irritable now that Dick’s attention was directed elsewhere. “He didn’t get caught soooo..”
 “Jason!”
 “Jason, we’re not supposed to be obvious about being terrible influences.” Faust jokes, now redirecting Dick’s ire to her. You can’t tell if that was intentional or not but either way she seems to be enjoying how Dick’s expression makes him look like a carp gasping for air.
 “Why did you tell them?” Damian hisses, albeit softer than he normally does. You frown at him confused. You thought it was spectacular and you really don’t know what was wrong. You really wish they’d explain it. Maybe you should speak up but would that be rude? You stare at Damian trying your hardest to convey your confusion but you’re having trouble shaping your face into the correct one. You try to keep in mind the face Jon makes when Damian tried to explain quantum physics to both of you. 
 Turning away from her argument with Dick, Faust looks at you pityingly before speaking and putting her hand up to Dick’s face lightly pushing him back. “Relax, Baby Vamp, I would’ve gotten it out of them sooner or later,” Faust says, looking at you with the same stern look Mr. Pennyworth gives you when you try to steal cookies. It kind of reminds you of the Penance Stare from Ghost Riders but with less flaming skulls and more implied disappointment. 
 “Tim was the one who ate the last few pieces of the brownies Mr. Pennyworth made for Jason.” The words flow out of you like water from a cataract. Faust waves her hand theatrically as if she had just demonstrated a magic trick. Again, you’re pretty sure this was one. You wince fully expecting Tim to have the same caustic reaction as Damian. But when you turn to look at him to apologize, Tim already had his hands up in front of him defensively. On the other side, not far enough away for Tim’s liking, Jason looks livid, steam coming out of his ears. 
 “Those were mine, asshole!”
 “You eat them every time you’re at the Manor!”
 “When I’m at the Manor! Which is what? Once every three months?”
 “Two,” Tim deadpans, holding up two fingers. 
 That was the wrong thing to say, you realize. From the way they’re staring at each other, you’re a little afraid they’d come to blows as Jason surges forward. 
 “Tim, Jay, I will turn this car around if you two don’t stop.”
 “Please, continue.” Dick shoots Damian a ‘you are not helping’ glare but Damian simply answers with a warning one. They all look ready for a brawl and all you want to do is curl up into your oversized hoodie. You play with the frayed edges of your hoodie hoping you’re radiating your discomfort.
 And like an angel of mercy, Faust clears her throat. “(Y/n), Jon, help me clear the road.” The statement leaves no room for argument and you and Jon breathe a collective sigh of relief. 
Jon lifts the tree with ease. It was an oddly healthy tree, freshly cut. Something about it made your stomach turn. “Jon could have done it alone. Why bring me?” You ask, distracting yourself from the strange feeling by fiddling with the joints of your metal hand which only made you more conscious of how pointless it was to bring you along. Faust glances towards the car. The boys are still bickering. She then glances down at you with a wry smile. “Waynes bickering is really funny from a distance.” Your eyes glance at the light scar on her running down her clavicle, disappearing into the line of her shirt.  You doubt it’s from any of them. You really doubt it. The Wayne kids were chaotic, especially the girls, but they’re never- Well, they can be hurtful but not that way. Not that you’ve seen anyway.   You shake your head and glance at the car and watch them argue. Their gestures are animated and loud enough that you could almost hear the bickering going on. This liveliness settles your stomach. 
 You spend a few minutes out there waiting for them to settle down. It was long enough for you and Jon to start debating the existence of Gummy Bear shaped aliens and for Faust to weigh in with her humble opinion. Dick honks at the three of you to tell you it was, relatively, safe to come back. Tim, Damian, and Jason were all sulking in their respective corners while Dick gives you and Jon an apologetic look. Jon simply shrugs as if to say it was normal for brothers to argue but you found it hard to picture Conner ever being that mean to Jon or vice versa for that matter. Faust rolls her eyes at the sulking birds, a fond smile quirking on her lips.  Dick gives her a look that was usually followed by the words ‘I miss not being the adult’ which she graciously answers with a smile that plainly says ‘me too.’
 In the corner of your eye, you see something- a shadow- move in the woods as you drive off, Dick’s story about space aliens falling away into the background. You turn to Jon who looks at you confused and a little concerned. It was clear he didn’t see it, whatever it was. You turn to Damian but see he’s still stewing. You blin and the shadow is gone. A sticky feeling of dread settles in your stomach. 
 There's pressure in the car. 
The camp is, well, loud. 
 Louder than you were expecting and full of rowdier children than promised. You wince slightly, ears ringing. You and Damian sigh already knowing that you were both going to be absolutely exhausted by the end of this. You turn to Jon, shoulder slumping, only to find him beaming as he watched the other kids run around. There were alot of days you envied Jon and this was one of them. Damian looks at Jon with utter disbelief. You shrug at him as he wrinkles his nose at both Jon and the hooligans running around. Your lip quirks into a scraggly smile fully understanding.
 “This is going to be repulsive,” Damian hisses.  
 “Lighten up, Dami.”
 “Nah, he’s gotta practice being dark and brooding, so when he gets to be the big bad bat he can do the whole brooding thing all-natural,” you joke, using your finger to mimic the ears of Batman’s cowl. 
 “Please, say that louder. I don’t think the supervillains heard you,” says Damian sarcastically, nose upturned.  
 Jon grins at you in a challenge. You raise a brow, crossing your arms. Your brain cell takes a vacation. 
 “HE’S GOTTA-” Damian clamps a hand on your mouth. You glare at him. His eye flicks to Jon who is sucking in a breath. Damian is throwing his other hand over Jon’s mouth when one of the counselors waves you over. All three of you blanch at the color of the shirt. 
 You all stand in an odd misshapen circle. Damian looks incredulously at the tacky camp T-shirt he’s been forced into while Jon does not contain his laughter. You joke about how a bowtie would definitely class it up which earns you a rude gesture that just makes you laugh harder. 
 “Alright kiddos, it’s time to introduce ourselves!”
 Damian froze under the weight of their collective gazes, the hint of a smile on his face fading. Sometimes being around you and Jon made him forget. Well, not really forget. It was just easier not to think about it when you two were around. Damian feels himself shifting, realigning himself to 5’ 2” of cold arrogance.
 It should have scared you just how easily the warm fondness on his face smoothed out giving way to this cold calculating face. It did on some level; on some level, the efficiency of Damian’s face muscles scared you. Sometimes you had to wonder if it was just him or if his brothers had the same knee-jerk reaction. 
 You roll your eyes as if nothing worrying had happened and bump your shoulder against his. A smile twitches on his lip and the ramrod shape of his spine curves a bit.  Jon snickers, not trying too hard to hide it, which earns him the full force of Damian’s ire but you and Jon know all too well that Damian’s just being prickly.  You step forward, shoulders broadening, nudging a glaring Damian behind you redirecting everyone’s stares towards you. It’s uncomfortable but you don’t mind. Damian huff behind you but doesn’t protest any more than that. You smile amicably or as amicably as you can. You need to remember the correct shape.  
Introductions go off without a hitch. 
 Jon, like always, has no trouble stirring the crowd. 
  You make an impression when your introduction careens into a tangent about angelfish.
 Behind you, Damian scoffs and  crosses his arms over his chest. Contrary to popular belief, Damian did have a tendency to be nervous, especially around new people. This is compounded by the fact that Damian wasn’t really versed in dealing with people his own age which just put him on edge. 
 Thankfully, all three of you get sorted into the same cabin. The cabin is chaotic in a familiar, childish sort of way with pillows flying everywhere and kids jumping up and down their bed. Jon immediately jumps into the fray. Damian follows soon after Jon hits him with a pillow square in the face. 
 “Woman up and face me, Kent!”
 You look up to the sky and smile in amusement.  This is going to be an interesting summer.
The room is solid. 
 Your eyes incandescent in the darkness. The air crackles in anticipation of the storm.  
 A silver streak of lightning tears down through the heavens and crashes down into the lake. 
 A strange dislocation in the universe has emerged.
 Your eyes shut. 
 Your ears pop. 
 You do not hear as something mangled rises from the water. 
You wanted to say this was a horrible idea. Though, you’re not sure how to phrase that without implying they’re idiots. You’ve been hanging out with Damian too much. He’s starting to rub off on you and you’re mildly concerned. 
 You’d told them that the whole fight was your fault. Ok, not entirely. You simply told the kid off when he was making fun of Jon and you were not gonna stand for that. The kid shoved you, Damian 'accidentally' broke his nose, and the next thing you know is that you’ve been shoved into a random group of campers.It’s been a week but you still weren’t familiar with a lot of the people in the camp. The man with kind eyes said this would be good for you.  You really would have preferred staying at the campgrounds, cleaning and doing whatever with the people in your cabin. 
 “Alright, kiddos, you guys can go swim while me and Jos go check something out in the woods.”
 “Don’t do anything we wouldn’t!”
 You sniff and bite your tongue, playing with the hem of your shirt. 
 "You sure they're gonna be ok?"
 "What you think they're gonna disappear like Cat?"
 Your ears perk up at this. 
 "Well, I mean-"
 "She probably just ran off with one of the town boys." 
 This was probably the best time to bring up child endangerment protocols or the fact that you’re not even dressed for swimming. By the time you string the correct combination of words,  they’re gone. You sigh and huddle yourself into a tree. It’s not like you’re dressed to swim anyway even if you wanted to. 
 You hug your knees as you flatten yourself against the tree, making sure your prosthetic limb is tucked beneath your normal one. You watch the others as they horse around looking like they’re really enjoying themselves. They probably didn’t realize you were there or did they even notice you join the group. Doesn’t matter really. Right now you would prefer to sit under the tree than risking your arm. Mr. Fox had explained that since it was still a prototype it was delicate. 
 “HEY!”
 You jump. Your skin feeling very confined. You turn to the voice. Jesse, you think. 
 “Sorry. Could you- can you say that again?”
 She rolls her eyes at you and you suddenly doubt the politeness of your speech but no you were pretty sure that was the correct way to say it. 
 “I said ‘can your arm go in the water?’.”
 Oh.
 “No?” You were half sure it couldn’t. You haven’t really tested it since it was easier to bathe without it. She gives you a skeptical look and yanks your arm towards her. You yelp. “Hey! What are you-” Your throat tightens when you find yourself at the dock. It’s shaky. The slightest shifting made it move. 
 You turn your heel mumbling an apology but your arm is yanked back. The grip is stronger now. You look back and see two people holding on to it. “Let go!” you say, trying to wrench yourself free. “It’s- it’s not a toy,” you add but they don’t budge.
 “You’re being a baby!”
 “C’mon (y/n)!”
 “Let’s see how well robots can swim!”
 You scream as they throw you into the water. 
 You thrash your limbs around, grasping for something, anything but all you can feel is the viscous emptiness deforming and reforming with every splash. 
 You cry out. 
 The water muffles your screams along with the distant sound of laughter and heckling. 
 Your mouth is filling with water.
 Your lungs. Your lungs are burning. 
 Your chest aches. 
 You can’t breathe. 
 Help!
 Help!
 Please!
 Someone!
 It hurts. 
 Your vision is pulsing. The edges are going dark. 
 Your limbs are going numb and falling to pieces. 
 The world is sinking. 
It’s so dark. 
 It’s too cold. 
 Why are you alone?
 Where are they?
 You don’t want to die like this. 
 .
.
.
.
.
.
You feel a large hand fish you out by the scruff of your shirt. It tosses you onto the shore; the force as you hit the ground knocks the air (water?) out of your lungs. You heave, gasping like a fish. A large silhouette hangs over you, cold dread licks up your spine but you note a lack of panic. Maybe it was the lack of oxygen. 
 Your vision comes back in pieces and by the time the world puzzles back together, you’re alone. You’re alone and shivering like a wet rat. You look around, brushing wet hair out of your eyes and you realize you’re not entirely sure of the way back. You curl in on yourself. It does nothing to warm you but you were desperate to feel whole and safe and ok. 
 You aren’t entirely sure how long it is before Jon and Damian find you or just how they managed it but you’re thankful when someone drapes a heavy towel over your head, muffling the scattered sounds around you. Shakily, you pull the towel over your face. It hides the tears well enough. Your loose hanging limbs tighten around you. You want to shrink, small enough to smooth over the trembling in your body. You know they’ve saved people from drowning before. They’ve saved people from far worse. Heck, they’ve been through far worse. You desperately don’t want them to think of you as weak, as less but here you were trembling. You’re unable to steady your own breathing. Frustration rises in the back of your throat. It is a welcome change from the nonstop medley of panic that’s been shoved on you. 
 A hand settles itself on your head, the movement stiff, light, and controlled. The pressure increases a touch when you don’t protest. Damian radiates awkwardness as he attempts to ruffle your still-damp hair. You smile up at him through damp hair. Damian simply grunts as he continues to avoid eye contact by staring out at the empty lake. 
 Jon plops down next to you kicking his feet out in front of him. He gives your space but he’s just close enough for you to lean against if you wanted to. On his shoulder was your ratty oversized hoodie. You tug at his sleeve to ask for it. He hands it to you. You slip it on, not caring that you were still soggy. The familiar, loose weight of fabric against your skin made you feel whole and safe and marginally ok. 
 Jon presses a hand onto your back mimicking the experimental way Damian had patted your damp hair. He listens to the steadying rhythm of your heart, his own easing back into a calmer rhythm. Damian raises a brow at him and he gives him a thumbs up. Damian’s shoulders loosen and Jon can’t help the snort that comes out of him. You look at him startled and Damian gives him the ol’ Damian glare which makes him laugh out loud. Your eyes flicker to Damian and then roll your eyes, crow's feet wrinkling in the corners of your eyes. You twist your mouth into a weird squiggly line in an attempt to smother a laugh in fear of incurring Damian’s wrath. Jon highly doubts you’d be able to. Damian was, in fact, a big old softie. Sure, he acts grumpy all the time but spending so much time with both Dick and Faust has made him pretty mushy by bat standards but Jon wouldn’t dare say that out loud, at least, not when Damian looked this close to throwing him into the water. 
 You spend a long time soaking up the quiet before heading back. Jon slings an arm around you but pulls it back when he hears your heart stutter. You pinch and tug at his sleeve and mumble an apology.  You see Damian shoot Jon his version of the Pennyworth look. 
 “Sorry, (y/n).”
 “‘S ok,” you rasp quietly. 
 You three walk along the shore towards the cap. You feel too tired to even blanch at the odd feeling of wet socks as you pad along the path. You walk in silence which is interrupted by a bird call here and there with either you or Jon occasionally asking Damian to translate. He does but for some reason some odd reason, they keep calling you idiot or imbeciles. You watch Damian’s eyes flick here and there. You know he feels it too. The odd feeling of being watched. The rustle of leaves echoes eerily in the stillness. 
 The counselors, mercifully, let you skip out on the rest of the afternoon’s activities. You curl up in your cabin, warm and very comfortable in the pool of fabric created by one of Mr. Kent’s hoodies which Jon ‘accidentally’ packed. You rolled your eyes at him but accepted it gratefully. You make a mental note to thank him with the mill house cookies you ‘accidentally’ bought at one of the rest stops. 
 You flip through the yellowing pages of the book in your hand. You aren’t quite sure how to describe how inappropriate it is to give a drowning victim a book on the complete works of H.P. Lovecraft. Then again, it was better than reading Moby Dick. Plus, you’re enjoying yourself trying to find a man who is about as stealthy as a Green Lantern. You’ll have to ask Damian or Jon. Damian’s more likely to have met a Green Lantern but he’s also more likely to give you a boring and entirely inaccurate answer. 
 You go back to the fish people. Do Atlanteans walk like that? Maybe.  It feels odd somehow moving around without your prosthetic limb. Lighter but infinitely more unstable.  
 “Do you think they’ll find Cat?”
 Your ears perk up. Your eyes flick to the window and you see two counselors leaning against another cabin. You shuffle awkwardly somehow moving the mass of cloth quietly. You squish against the wall making sure they can’t see you. 
 “Cat just ran off. You know how she is.”
 “That’s what Raz said.”
 “Yeah, where is he?”
 “Who knows he’s probably just fucking around in the woods. Doing Bear Grylls shit or something.”
 “Hope he comes back soon.”
 “Do you really wanna deal with that horny jackass?”
 “No but he’s the only decent cook. Do you really wanna taste what awful concoction Ratty has for us?”
 Your stomach curdles remembering Ratty’s terrible improvisation of Doro Wat. Ratty said it was their grandmother’s recipe but you doubted it. Unlike the one Jason made for you one time, it was bland. It wasn’t even close to spicy. The vegetables were overcooked while the chicken was somehow undercooked. In short, you had nearly died twice since you got here. 
 “Nope. I’d rather starve. Isn’t their cooking like a human rights violation?”
 Starvation would be a kinder death. 
 “Yeah. Anyway, I tried asking Jos. Apparently, Raz and a bunch of the other Lil shits have been fucking around in town.”
 “Is that where Jackie disappeared to?”
 “Probably.”
 Ok, so the counselors have been dropping like flies and you have yet to notice. You should probably tell Damian and Jon. Something about this seems wrong. 
“Are you ever gonna stop glaring at them?” you ask, plopping on to the log letting your empty sleeve hang loosely off to your side. 
 “Depends, have they apologized?”
 “Ye-”
 “Sincerely?”
 “Well-”
 “Then no.”
 “Ok, but does Jon have to pout at them?”
 “I’m not pouting!”
 “Wait… That’s your glare?”
 “Yeah?” Jons says furrowing his brow. 
 “Batcow’s given me better glares!”
 “Again, (l/n) is right.”
 “Thank you!”
 “Dami, who’s side are you on?”
 Damian’s lips curl into a cat-like smile, the kind you saw on Selina. “Justice.”
 Jon throws his hands up defeated. You give Damian a low five as he settles beside you. Jon takes the seat on your other side still pouting. 
 "Do you kids know the rules to surviving a horror movie?" 
 The chattering dies down and you all fall silent, turning your full attention to the counselor. Your counselor lets out an absolutely delighted squeal, clapping their hands. You don’t miss the absolute dread on your other counselor’s face. 
 “Ok so, rule 1: Be a virgin-”
 “Ratty!” Dawes, the counselor with dread on her face, squeaks elbowing Ratty, Ratchet. “Couldn’t you have worded it differently or you know, not at all?!” Ratty, the horror enthusiast counselor, rubs their arm and sticks their tongue out at Dawes who looks like she’s going to age ten years during this conversation. 
 If you thought Dawes was pale before, she nearly turns transparent with the next few words that leave your mouth. “What’s a virgin?” you blurt out. You desperately want to curl in on yourself. It wasn’t that you didn’t know. It was just your mouth runs faster than your mind.  The kids around you snicker and one of the boys behind you claps you on the shoulder, laughing loudly. You lean on Damian, hiding behind him slightly. Damian shifts so he’s shielding you more.
 Dawes sputters out her answer.  It’s hard to understand. You watch the others searching for clues for an appropriate reaction. 
 “It’s a person who’s never had intercourse,” Damian deadpans and you nod quietly. 
 Dawes’ face lights up like a Christmas tree while Ratty’s twists into pure joy. Damian rolls his eyes as the other kids laugh even louder. It takes a moment but your cheeks heat up realizing the gap in your reaction must have given them the wrong idea. You pinch the bridge of your nose and you sigh. You see Jon snort at you and you stick your tongue out at him. 
 “See, Dawes, they know.”
 “What about keeping them innocent?!” 
  “I’m not getting paid to do that,” Dawes drags her hand over her face as Ratty shrugs,” ’sides, this is life skills.” Dawes slaps Ratty on the shoulder again making them whine at the impact.  “Ok. Ok. Fine. Fine. Jeez, you hit like a son of a- Oh wait, have any of you heard about Camp Blood?”
 This gets you all to quiet down. 
 “Camp Blood? Isn’t that like a video game?”  
 “It’s like a local ghost story isn’t it?”
 “Wasn’t that the one with the fish-”
 “It’s not the fish people.”
 “Let me tell the story!”
 “Ratty, you never tell the story well. You keep making weird voices and you can’t even keep a straight face.”
 “SLANDER,” Ratty shouts, throwing up their hands. 
 “Pffft, you also gonna tell us you can cook a 5-star meal?”
 “Ok. Ok. Fine. I’ll just tell it to them straight.”
 “What? As straight as Dawes?”
 “Pffft, we’d go in circles.”
 “Hey!”
 “It’s true!”
 “You don’t have to say it.”
 “What’s the thing about Camp Blood?” Jon pipes, putting a hand over Damian’s mouth probably sensing the sharp remark he’s about to say. Damian licks his hand and Jon pulls away waving his hand like he’s been burned.  You snort then blanch when Jon rubs the spit on to your hoodie. 
 “Gather round children-”
 “Ratty, they’re in a circle get on with it.”
 “I AM TRYING TO SET THE MOOD.”
 “Jesus, ok. So, a looong time ago there was this kid named Jason Voorhes. When two counselors were fu- OW! Jeez, Dawes- Ow! Ok, fine. While two counselors were distracted, he drowned-”
 “Sounds familiar,” snipes Damian. An apologetic look crosses Dawes’ face, a confused one on Ratty’s, and sheepish one on Jos’. You squeeze his and Jon’s shoulders. 
 Ratty shakes their head. “Anyway, they never find the body so his mom comes back and hacks the new counselors into pieces as some soft of demented justice for her kid.”
 “That’s a bit of an overreaction,” Jos laughs awkwardly. The glares on them do not waver. You elbow Damian and kick Jon’s foot. Damian ignores you while Jon gives you a look of mock hurt.  You roll your eyes at him and attempt to elbow Damian a second time. Again, nothing.
 “The thing is one of the counselors actually manages to decapitate Mrs. Voorhees. She disappeared two months after though. Legend has it that Jason still roams the grounds of Camp Blood seeking revenge for his mother.”
 The air is humming, thick with the roll of thunder and  the premonition of a storm. 
 There is a dislocation in the universe. 
 Your ears pop. 
 You look at Jon who looks vaguely like his mother when she’s sniffed out a story. You look at Damian who is already sussing out every detail of the story. Your eyes meet and you all nod. 
“It has to be someone using the urban legend as some sort of cover. Or! Or maybe they’re using the urban legend to mythologize their killings,” you say, through a mouth full of contraband chocolate chip cookies. 
 Damian snatches the package from you taking a piece.“(l/n), that’s ridiculous-”
 “Yeah, we don’t even know if they’re dead yet,” Jon protests, snatching the bag from a scowling Damian. 
 “What are the odds they’re still alive?” 
 You all fall silent. “We assume they’re still alive until we see proof of the contrary,” Damian says firmly. You and Jon nod. The movement feels heavy.  
 “But what if the Jason ghost is a real thing?”
 “Possible.”
 “(l/n), don’t indulge him.”
 “Jon is literally part alien,” you protest
 “Jason has come back from the dead and Faust literally has moving tattoos,” Jon adds.
 “YOUR DAD IS LITERALLY BEST FRIENDS WITH A 5000-YEAR-OLD AMAZONIAN AND A DUDE WHO CAN LIFT BUILDINGS.”
 “Ok, fine but we should eliminate the more mundane explanations first,” Damian concedes accepting another cookie. 
 “I think we have. It’s too rapid and obvious to be a human trafficking operation.”
 “We should find the counselors first.”
 “Yeah, that’s a start.”
 “Where should we start?”
 “Abandoned cabins would be a good start,” you suggest trying not to perk up. 
 Damian glares at you and you wither. “(l/n), you’re not coming with us.”
 “You say this like (y/n)’s gonna listen,” Jon laughs. 
 “ET has a point,” you say, grinning and opening another packet. You offer Jon the first cookie as thanks. 
 “Can’t I at least be a cool alien?”
 “Nope.”
 “Will you two focus?”
 “Yeah. No.”
 Damian pinches his nose. You completely understand why people think Damian makes a convincing fifty year old. “(l/n)...”
 “Ok, fiiiine. I’ll stay out of it.”
 “Don’t even think about sneaking out.”
 You frown and nod. 
 You tiptoe through the brush, one metallic arm wrapped around you, the other hanging limply to your side flashlight clasped tight in your metallic hand.  Camp Blood isn’t too far. You silently survey a few cabins finding nothing particularly interesting aside from cobwebs and potentially dead animals. The air is musty and decayed. You sniff and rub your nose as you walk through the camp guided only by strips of moonlight. If you were to run into a murderer now, you would only have your flashlight to defend you. You didn’t like those odds. 
 You’re a deer in headlights. 
 Dry mouth. 
 Skin going cold. 
 A scream burbling in the back of your throat. 
 The lumbering figure is coming closer. 
 You know he can see you. 
 Your feet are fused to the ground. 
 The light of the machete winking at you from a distance. 
 The world turns into a blur when your back hits the rotting wood of the abandoned cabin. 
 “What did I say about sneaking out?” Damian hisses, arm pressed on your neck. You blink. A flood of relief crowds your chest. 
 You sling your arms around him and he stiffens. You explain away the surprised little yelp as something animal and not something from your friend. “I didn’t sneak out. I went to the bathroom then I wandered off,” you mumble. 
 “How exactly is that different?” 
 “Less tiptoeing.” 
 "Funny."
 "It is."
 "Have you seen Kent?"
 "Sadly no."
 "Shit- Don't tell Grayson."
 "The fact that you swore or the fact that you somehow lost Superman's kid" 
 He glares at you and you can't help but shrug. 
 "Both." 
 "Fair," you say, pausing for half a breath.”Did you find the hostages?”
 Damian’s face falls then hardens then you know better than to ask him.  
 “We should find Jon,” Damian says finally. You flick your eyes and shake your head pushing down the urge to make fun of his slip. You’ll tell Jon later. 
 You two walk together, shoes in hand. It was easier. Maybe after this, you’ll ask Tim to teach you how to sneak around. 
 The sound of crashing wood fills the still night air. You and Damian freeze. 
 “JON.” Damian is the first to launch himself towards a cabin. You shamble behind him, plodding through the muddy earth as fat droplets of rain splashing down.   You would have blanched at the squishing but all you could think about was Jon.  
“Jon!”
 “Dami! (y/n)!”
 “Are you ok?”
 “I’m in a hole. What do you think?”
 You look him over as best you can in the dark. Damian seems to be having a better time. “You’re not in pain, so yeah.”
 Jon huffs, shifting around in the pile of clothes. His nose wrinkles.“This jumper smells like something died in it," he says holding up a particularly old looking sweater. It's blotchy with various stains around the neck. 
 “Check for a pulse!” you shout, earning a sharp jab to the rib from Damian. You glare and rub your chest.
“Guys, I don’t wanna alarm you but I’m pretty sure there’s a decapitated head down here”
 “I’m sorry, can you repeat that?” Damian asks incredulously. Your skin drains of all color and warmth. 
 “Do you want the good news or bad news?”
 “That’s not-”
 “Where in that pile of bloody clothes did you get good news?”
 “Good news is he’s not here,” Jon says, eyes sweeping around.”Bad news, he’s actually real.”
 “Stop messing around and get out of there, Kent!”
 “Jon, come on! Fly or something!”
 “My powers are going-” Jon jumps. But only manage to just fall back down. “I can’t fly.”
 Damian groans. He pinches his nose and goes off to look for something to pull Jon up with.
 “Why do you think your powers aren’t working?”
 Jon shrugs. “Magic?” This place is cursed. 
 “We are dealing with a ghost,” you shrug back. You all freeze. The sound of distant footsteps making your heart race.
 “Dami!” you hiss, over your shoulder. 
 “I can’t find anything!”   
 “Wait,” you say, unfastening your arm and reaching down to Jon. Damian grabs hold of it with both hands and you two start pulling Jon up. 
 The footsteps are getting louder, closer. 
 "Hurry!" you hiss quietly. 
 Your hearts are racing. 
 You pull, Jon getting closer. 
 He’s almost in arm’s reach. 
 The man is getting closer. 
 You can hear his breathing. 
 You pull Jon up, feet kicking. You wrestle him into a hug with one arm, making a little happy squeal into his hair low enough that only they can hear. Damian nudges you with your arm. 
 “Well that was scary,” Jon whispers into your shoulder. Damian smacks him upside the head. You laugh but cut yourself off when you see Damian stiffen. “RUN!”
 You all scramble up and begin to dash away. You look back over your shoulder, machete winking at you, hockey mask visible in the dim light. 
 You stumble, feet getting tangled in roots. You yelp,  bracing for impact and possibly dying.  You feel arms scoop you up. You squeak. “No one gets left behind, soldier,” Jon says grinning. 
 “How are you still a goof when we’re about to die?” you laugh incredulously. 
 “He clearly gets it from his father.”
 “ Pfffft, probably or maybe it's an alien thing.”
 “Are you really gonna make fun of me, right now?” Jon protests, shouting over the rain. 
 “You two! This way!” Damian points to a small hole in the hillside.
 “I’m too tall for that!” Damian glares.
 You snort. “Just duck.” Jon scowls at you then sighed. 
 You all slide into a small crevice and hunched together. 
 “What’s the plan?”
 “Jon, are your powers working?”
 “Kind of?”
 “Ok, that’s one thing we have going for us,” Damian hands you a phone. "You call while we distract him." 
 "Why do you have to distract him?" 
 "Ask him yourself, (l/n)."
 Your eyes sweep up to the tall figure. Your mouth goes completely dry. 
 "Fuck." 
 Jason brings his machete down in a swift arc light. You grab Damian by the scruff of his shirt. The machete embeds itself into the wall, getting caught in the process. Your moment of relief doesn’t last long when Jason lunges for you.  You scream as he catches your arm. With a soft click it detaches and you scramble away and out the hole into the pouring rain. He’s hot on your heels. You hear a loud thud. You look over your shoulder. Jon’s resting against the wall, head slumped. You see him throw Damian to the ground. You call 9-11 as you hurl your shoe at him. The dial tone is ringing. When you look up again, Jason is heading towards you. You stumble barefoot trying to get away. Predictably, you fall, foot catching on another tangle of roots.  
  “Hello? Hello? Is anyone out there?”
 “Please help,” you whisper as Jason raises your arm to the sky. Your life flashes through like a film reel. Your breath is caught. Lightning flashes. 
 You watch the lightning cut through the heavens. The silver streak of light connecting might your arm and by extension Jason.  The arm explodes. Shrapnel flies everywhere. Jason bursts into flames. The smell of burning flesh cutting through the air. You watch in open-mouthed horror as another bolt of lightning hits. He falls body fried to a crisp. You wretch the smell still strong. 
 "Kid! Kid! Are you ok?" 
 "No…" you gasp, bile lining the back of your throat, "please,hurry. We're at Camp Blood." 
You’re cold and wet and forced to huddle into one blanket since the officer who responded only had one on hand.  Damian is talking on the phone. It’s hard to make out amidst the pouring rain, so you settle in letting Jon rest his head on your shoulder as he drifts to sleep. The officer said the rest of the force is coming to collect the bodies. The camp is most likely gonna be shut down for the summer. You weren’t keen on spending the entire summer with your cousins. 
 “I’ve informed father that you’re staying with us for the rest of the summer.”
 “Informed?” you laugh, relieved, ”good luck telling Jon that.”
 You both eye him. Jon snores into your ear and you can’t help but smile. “He’ll be fine.”
   Bonus
 The map in Jon’s hands crinkles loudly as he shuffles through it trying to find the correct route. You know the route. You memorized it before you even set off. You did it instead of studying for finals. It was certainly more entertaining than studying for a US history final when you already knew it was just gonna be about the American Revolution, World War II, and probably the Vietnam war. You hold back the snicker threatening to spill from your lips when, with each crinkle of the Dollar Store map, Damian’s brow twitched. Yes, this was the purpose of the map. It was most certainly doing its job well. 
 “You think they’ll still have the same dumb camp activities?”
 “You say this like you weren’t squealing to try all of them.”
 “Was not!”
 “Dunno,  Jon,  Dami has a pretty good memory.”
 Your car rolls to a stop in front of a cross-section. You drum your fingers against the steering wheel before you let curiosity override your self-preservation. 
 “How did you convince Dami to come along?”
 Jon tilts his head at you in question. “I didn’t,” he says slowly, “I thought you did.”
 Your passenger goes deadly silent. You both twist your bodies to look at him. Jon gives him a knowing smile while you give him a reassuring one that says ‘it’s ok you can tell us’. Damian avoids all eye contact like the plague, glaring at the window like there’s a particularly interesting speck of dust on it.  
 His eyes narrow. And you have the odd urge to follow his gaze. 
 The trees shift. 
 The pressure in the car builds. 
 Jon’s laughter stalls. 
 A shape flickers in the distance. 
 Your ears pop. 
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
a/n: THANKS FOR READING! Yes, reader has a prosthetic limb because I was reading 3 birds. Also, this can be treated as pre-slash. Epilogue is up for interpretation. Probably. Also fun fact, Faust is the basis for merc reader. I could not resist putting her in. 
Tag list:  @batarella, @anothertimdrakestan, @lucy-roo, @multifandomgirl-us, @idkmanicantenglish,@birdy-bat-writes,  @boosyboo9206, @americasmarauders , @l-inkage, @arestorationofbalance , @cloudie-skay, @wunderstell @hyp-oh-critical
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sinkix · 4 years
Text
Haikyuu!!│Boys going grocery shopping w/ you! HC’s│Ft. Bokuto, Nishinoya, Terushima, Kuroo & Kunimi
I had this late night idea and just HAD to follow through, the chaos would be O F F T H E C H A R T S. Thank you to @deathcab4daddy​ for helping me brainstorm some good characters for this post lmao I love you bby and can’t wait to do a collab. <3
E N J O Y ~ 
*:・゚✧*:・゚✧ *:・゚✧*:・゚✧ *:・゚✧*:・゚✧
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BOKUTO:
WHEN I TELL YOU THIS BOI PICKS UP EVERYTHING IN SIGHT LIKE A 6 YEAR OLD
 I FUCKING MEAN IT.
“(Y/N) we need this” 
“Bokuto we do not need a 7th jar of peanut butter.”
 “But (Y/N) it has a squirrel on the front-”
“BOKUTO I SWEAR TO GOD”
Tries to drift on the edge of the cart like something straight outta CSGO and the cart nearly obliterates under his weight.
V e r y l o u d u n e c c e s s a r i l y.
Everyone always stares at y’all when you’re going through the isles bc ur literally escorting a man-child sprawled in a shopping cart who’s going “OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO” at everything he sees like he’s a toddler at the zoo who’s never encountered a chimpanzee before.
Unless you have a bottomless bank account do NOT take him shopping of any kind he is LETHAL.
When you’re at the check-out he turns it into a basketball competition and tries to launch everything perfectly on to the conveyor belt.
Volleyball player? Nah this sis with the NBA now.
Do not ask him to go get something, he will return with at least 9 items you didn’t need and everything BUT the item you requested
He turned up with a whole ass pineapple, a jar of jam, a stick of butter and a bottle of olive oil.
Like,,,where is the correlation in those items???
Once made the mistake of asking him to grab some pads from the hygiene section and specified it HAD to be with wings
Boy showed up ten minutes later and looking very confuzzled.
You questioned why he has a pack of wingless pads in one hand and a can of red bull in the other.
He said it’s because they didn’t have any with wings so he figured the Redbull would suffice and do the job for you.
i-
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NISHINOYA:
Can literally fit him in the little cart seat made for kids and he LOVES it lmaoooo IT’S SO CUTE MY HEART.
HE JUST SWINGS HIS LEGS EXCITABLY WHILE YOUR GETTING STUFF AAAAAAA
Ppl give you such weird looks though bc you have a guy who’s at least 14 years older than the intended demographic sitting there and raising his hands in elation over you copping a cookie dough pie and chucking it in.
Again, another who is VERY LOUD FOR NO REASON AT ALL.
Get’s out of the cart after a while bc his legs be growing numb and begins roaming around.
Someone came back with a feral Noya in hand stating “Is this your child” WNDKJWEFNWJEF.
M’AM HE’S LIKE 18 EXCUSE YOU.
Was salty about it for the rest of the day.
Just ruffle his hair and call him Senpai 
Problem solved.
Picks up tons of exotic fruit that look more like plastic or fuzzy poisonous plants and begs you to get them.
“Noya what the fuck is that.”
“...a Pitaya.”
“...”
“Can we get it-”
“no.”
“(Y/N)-”
“I SAID NO DAMMIT”
Last time you bought some strange fruit he took it to practise and got Tanaka to spike it LMAOOO
IT SPLATTERED E V E R Y W H E R E
AND OVER DAICHI’S SHIRT.
He begged you to no longer allow Noya to purchase weird fruits from then on since he is like a child with a nerf gun.
He once picked up a phat wrinkly purple fruit and turned to you asking if it was an overgrown raisin.
“Noya sweetie that’s a Date.”
HE FULLY TSK’ED AND THREW IT BACK SINCE IT REMINDED HIM OF DATE TECH I CAN’T.
My boy out here defending Asahi even in the Grocery Isles.
We stan a loyal king.
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TERUSHIMA:
Another one who tries to stand on the ledge and the cart wheels almost collapse because it wasn’t designed to hold the weight of a young adult.
Oh young adult??? Sorry I mean’t MAN CHILD.
He treats a shopping experience as a time to practise his aim apparently because he ALWAYS THROWS SHIT AT YOU TO THE POINT YOU’RE THREATENED TO BE KICKED OUT.
Definitely picks up phallic looking objects and places them against his crotch, snorting and saying “Like what you see (Y/N)?”
Homeboy is stood there in front of a wife and child presenting his cucumber appendage for the world to see.
He once grabbed a pair of fat ass melons and pressed them against his chest, shaking them and belting the lyrics to ‘My Milkshake’ while begging you to SQUEEZE HIS MELONS.
“Look (Y/N) they’re bigger than yours!”
I just- 
I give up.
Constantly tries to sneak mutli-packs of energy drinks into the cart to the point you’re convinced he is going to keel over from heart failure and kidney stones by the age of 20.
Has his airpods in 90% of the time and treats the isles as his personal dance floor.
He busting them MOVES and performing the MJ moonwalk while in the dairy section.
ONCE HE SLID TOO FAST AND SLIPPED ON HIS REAR IN FRONT OF LIKE 12 PEOPLE LMAOO
He was DEAD silent the rest of the trip.
Probably the most serene shopping experience you’ve had to date.
The checkout clerks occasionally hit on Mr. Sore-Ass over here.
Until he opens his mouth and they realise he’s a total dolt and question how you have the patience for him.
You don’t know either honestly.
The whole bagging experience is spent with them shooting you sympathetic glances as if to say ‘sis you shoulda’ left him at home’.
Yes, yes you should have.
Never a dull moment with Teru as your shopping partner.
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KUROO:
LITERALLY LIKE A MIDDLE-AGED MAN OR A TODDLER WHEN Y’ALL GO SHOPPING THERE IS NEVER AN EVEN MIDDLE-GROUND.
Frequently cracks lame-ass food puns or dad jokes that make you want to crawl into a hole and die.
You have competitions on who can come up with the most and the loser always faces a penalty.
Kuroo and creating penalties do NOT mix safely so you better hope you win.
“I love you a waffle lot.” 
Proceeds to hold up a wrapped waffle.
Ok that one was kinda cute you’ll let it slide.
“I ap-peach-iate you Kuroo.”
Cue HyenaLaugh.mp3
“Want a pizza me baby? Bitch peas, doughnut take me lightly.”
You changed your mind.
You didn’t talk to him the duration of that shopping experience, no penalty could be as horrifying as what just came out of his mouth.
“(Y/N)... sometimes I feel like you don’t carrot all.”
You slapped him with said carrot and obviously had to pay for it after.
You forced him to eat it raw.
He is the definition of Neutral disaster when you go shopping.
Shitty food puns aside, he is actually very responsible when making sure you both get what you need.
Not without tons of poking, prodding, and blowing into your ear while you’re trying to decide what ingredients to buy for dinner.
You contemplated serving him a plate of bubbling snot and moulded broccoli seasoned with rosemary.
Bone apple teeth, bitch.
Ofc you didn’t because he always pulls out the puppy eyes and cuddles card after since he knows he’s well and truly rattled your patience lmao.
Actually picks really healthy food options?? Being the captain of a team he has the responsibility of keeping his health in top condition and leading by example so at least he knows the right ingredients to make a bomb-ass and nutritious meal ig.
Y’all always bicker and tease each other at the checkout which is usually great amusement for the clerk serving you as they often smirk and perceive you as an old married couple.
Which tbh you kinda are, it feels like it at least.
Still such a big asshole though lmao you never leave the store without your sanity being scathed.
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KUNIMI:
Honestly just wanted an excuse to make jokes at the expense of the Aoba Johsai teammates.
and what better candidate for cracking these than Kunimi.
He’s a very chill partner to have tag along with you on your endeavours.
Not without some grumbling and groaning on his part though, lazy bitch.
You always finish shopping trips with a busted lung at how much you have been laughing though with some of the SHADY ASS REMARKS HE MAKES ABOUT THE OTHER TEAM MATES.
You were outside the store when you both spotted an angry looking Doberman tied to a nearby post.
“Smh who let Kyotani outside again.”
You hadn’t even set foot in the store yet and he was already spitting flaming insults.
[Walking up to the automatic double doors]
“Damn Oikawa move out of my way.”
Oikawa just tryna live and he keeps getting roasted for his flat cheeks 
#StopOikawaAssShaming
Ten minutes of scouring the store later he picks up a spikey Kiwano and compares it to Iwaizumi’s hair.
Proceeds to beg you not to tell my boy Iwa because he KNOWS he will get decked to the gym floor.
Passers by often wonder why you’re wheezing and producing noises like a boiling kettle.
When I tell you no one is safe, I mean N O O N E.
“These Yule logs really out here looking like Matsukawa’s brows.”
The finisher was when Kunimi picked up a turnip and said 
“Huh, kinda looks like Kindaichi.”
I just-
He could roast a whole chicken in minutes from the burn of these comments I stg.
You can now never look at the Seijou team without various foods or inanimate objects plaguing your thoughts.
Thanks, Kunimi.
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