#College really killed my desire to read/write/use Tumblr

[percussiongirl2017]

Dear 2024,

Please be filled with

More tattoos

Adventures with my friends

Long Dungeons and Dragons sessions

Finding my love for reading and writing again

More time with family

Finding out who I am outside of the education system

Health and happiness for all of my friends even if we haven't talked in a while.

#here's to a new year #and hopefully using my Tumblr more #College really killed my desire to read/write/use Tumblr

[strwberrytae]

So Long, Farewell, and Goodbye For Now -

“I don’t know how you are so familiar to me—or why it feels less like I am getting to know you and more as though I am remembering who you are. How every smile, every whisper brings me closer to the impossible conclusion that I have known you before, I have loved you before—in another time, a different place, some other existence.”     - Lang Leav

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Hello, You ♡ Yes, You. You ethereal, beautiful being. I am writing to you with bittersweet yet wonderful news - depending on the perspective. I am writing this post to inform all of you that I will no longer be writing for this blog for the foreseeable future. What I mean by that is that I am not giving up writing forever, no. But my life has changed so much over the last two years, I do not see myself writing again for quite some time. But don’t worry! I will be back!

Below the Read More section, I have poured my heart and soul into the real reasons why I’ve made this decision. I warn you, it’s lengthy but it’s everything that has led up to this over the years. So, if you fancy, have a read. If not, I bid you farewell and wish you all the happiness in the world. Thank you for supporting me so far. I truly appreciate it and love you all very dearly. Now, if you wish to read it at a later time, I will have a link available on my page at all times for anyone who is curious. It’s a hell of a story if you ask me ~

Edit: Made by Me - also, a surprise photo at the end Warnings/Triggers: Talks of emotional abuse, depression, and suicide but also happiness and love -

When I first started this blog, it was 2016. I had been on Tumblr for over a decade now but BTS led me to writing passionately for 2 years. I was incredibly active and utterly consumed by this website. Not just for the writing, but I was so obsessed because of my friends and mutuals that I made along the way. Can I just say that I’ve met some incredible people on this platform - including my best friend and soulmate? Truthfully, the absolute best friend I have ever had. But more importantly, Tumblr was my greatest escape. I mean this website truly has been my saving grace through very dark times.

In that part of my life, I was in an extremely toxic relationship; by then, it was 6 years I was with him. He was emotionally abusive, had such a short-fuse temper, hated everyone I knew which led me never really seeing any of my friends after college, knew I was anorexic and did nothing to stop me, knew I had depression since we started dating and always argued it as if it wasn’t real, crushed my dreams and ambitions, mocked potential suicide attempts, expected me to just abandon all hope to ever leave home to explore someplace new or get a job that I actually love. He was...just the worst. Never hit me though, so I’m grateful for that. But sometimes I wish he would so it would have given me the voice I needed to get out of that relationship much sooner than I did. But regardless, because of him plus having a soul-sucking job that wore me down to the core, Tumblr was my escape. BTS was my escape.

I fell hard and I fell deep. I created a fantasy world within this world. All of my dreams, fantasies, desires, and hopes were poured into my writing. My imagination was running wild. My activity was through the roof because I was always on here day in and out, just pretending like the outside world didn’t exist. It consumed me...but I needed it. Looking back, it was pretty excessive. At the time, I seemed perfectly normal because everyone else was just as active and saying the same things and doing the same things. I felt a belonging, like I fit in.

But I hated the person I became. It took me getting yelled at, mocked, ridiculed, and belittled by my ex to snap me out of that illusion I built and back into reality. That was the roughest night that we had filled with lots of screaming on his end and crying on my part. He thought my obsession was sick. He thought it was disgusting. It all started because he found fake texts I had made with Jimin and Tae. Don’t recall the story it was a part of but he thought they were texts with the actual members… In my eyes, I should get credit for making them look so legit but he didn’t see it that way. He thought fangirling over men was essentially cheating. No matter how hard I tried to explain, he didn’t understand. But a part of his view was right. I learned that I was a bit too much into it and I really needed to take a step back from Tumblr for a while. So I did. I deactivated my account and disappeared for months. Also because he made me and threatened our relationship if I didn’t. Should have taken the out but ah well.

Just two months prior to this incident, I attempted suicide. Well, contemplated. Everything was planned out. Bought a hotel room for Thanksgiving night as I was working a super late shift until about 1-2am. My commute home was an hour long and I still had to come back to work at 7am. So I got a room. Brought a large amount of pills with me and I was going to call it. No notes written to friends, family, or loved ones. Nothing. I was done. Didn’t think anyone would miss me. I just figured the world would keep turning without me. I had thought about doing this several times before but this was my first time making plans for it. It was my lowest of the low. But then I met someone that night that changed my life entirely just in a 10 minute interaction of talking - nothing special. We’ll get to that later. But this person just gave me hope and to this day, I still can’t explain it. It was euphoric. I felt clarity. It was in that night that I thought I might hold out just a little bit longer.

And thus @strwberrytae was born - but it was far from the same. At first, I restarted the blog in secret. Why would I do this? Why would a 25 year old open a blog in secret? Well, two months after the awful fight, my ex proposed to me and I said yes. I know. Believe me, I know. I was scared. My depression was getting worse again. I no longer had an escape except for books. All I did was read so I had some sort of reality to be in besides my own. But returning to a brand new blog did not give the same satisfaction as returning to an old blog.

I worked so hard on my first blog and this redo, I tried to consider it as a gift. Perhaps this was a chance to start anew and rebrand myself. This optimism kept up for quite some time. Slowly, I added my favorite past works then added some new chapters. If you’ve been here with me since 2017, you would know that my appearance on Tumblr was still not the same. Then I got married in October.

An empty, loveless marriage that I regret to this day. Needless to say, my writing and activity on Tumblr was still practically non-existent as I was still too scared of getting caught. Even though he finally gave me permission to use it again because he could tell how miserable it was making me. Yes, gave me permission. Thankfully, it all ended after a year. I finally went to a therapist even though I hated them so much and all past therapists I had. She was pretty great. Within five sessions, I summoned the courage to break up with this guy. I was finally set free. Nearly 9 years together and I finally felt like I could breathe.

Unfortunately, although I was free, I had to live with the guy for about 5 months after the breakup. Which was beyond rough, believe me. Imagine someone writhing in pain and bawling their eyes out and venting non-stop about all of their faults and wrongdoings every single day. At the end of the day, as shitty as he was to me, he was my best friend too. We went through a lot of shit together and he did have some good sides to him too. So witnessing this was horrendous. Needless to say, I wasn’t getting much privacy either. Writing was not my top priority. Now it’s 2019 and things changed drastically for the better - and worst.

Remember the person I met in 2016 on Thanksgiving night? Well, that person is someone I crushed on every since that night. For 2 years. People, I’m telling you. He did absolutely nothing special that night. He didn’t flirt with me. He didn’t check me out. He didn’t do anything remotely to make a girl swoon but I was so drawn to him. The only word that could describe it was “cosmic” - beautifully cosmic. 

Well in January 2019, 2 months following my break up, he came into my store one day. And my god did he look incredible. He was dressed head to toe in black - a fitted black suit at that. He even wore this long, designer jacket to match. Hair shaved on the sides with beautiful, thick dark hair on top. So tall - 182cm. A smile that could kill; quite literally. The canines are on point. He looked like a five course meal. That day, he definitely flirted with me. By the end of the week, we had our first date. Sadly, I also lost my job in the same week and was unemployed for a year because no one would hire me. I was laid off and one of my seniors took my job. Of course, they needed to keep me around for the holidays and then give me the boot. I was devastated. I hated that job so much as it only aided in fueling my depression but losing it was definitely an amazing thing. And! I survived on my savings and definitely didn’t spend my time writing. I had life to sort out last year - like from the ground up. No worries though. I got a job in February 2020 and I love it, so it’s all good, baby. Now I’m in the health field and feel like I’m actually helping people, which I love.

Now, here we are 2 years later and I’m engaged to the man.  Someone who makes me smile everyday, believes in me, encourages me, let’s me be 100% myself, travels with me, taught me how to love myself, taught me to accept my body, gets me on a level that only my best friend could, and someone who goes above and beyond every single day to show me how much he loves me. Bonus, he welcomes my love for BTS with open arms, reads my writing, AND has even been sucked in himself to the fandom. Jungkook and Jimin, look out. You got another fanboy. I thought true love was impossible for me but I was very, very wrong.

He has shown me that I can be happy and I have finally experienced true happiness. When people ask how I’m doing, I don’t cringe and lie through my teeth. I smile and say that I am doing well because by George, I am. Everyone around me has seen me over the last two years and made the comment, “you look so much happier”. They meet him and swoon just as much as I do. Is he perfect? No, he’s not. He has flaws just like everyone else but he actually grows and learns from his mistakes to better himself. That’s what amazes me the most. Even if we argue, which is seldom, he refuses to let it go without resolution so we can always fix whatever the issue is. As we like to call it, we’re in-sync. In everything, we’re always so in-sync. I’m wildly in love, my dudes.

So, why am I not writing anymore? To put it simply, I’m happy and don’t really feel the desire to write anymore - at least not fanfiction. Even when I was super young, like elementary school, I used writing as an outlet for my dark escape. I wrote poetry primarily and by middle school, it turned to fanfiction for Supernatural, Simple Plan, and Panic! At The Disco. Along with a very long list of other bands and shows but anyways. I’ve been severely depressed since I was 15 and fanfiction put me in this hole that I couldn’t get out of. I relied on this method to help me get through all the bad shit I was dealing with. It was my coping mechanism.

Now? While depression never truly goes away as the lovely disease that it is, I am genuinely happy. Because of this, when I opened all of my past works and works in progress, I felt nothing but guilt. Guilt for not keeping up with my chapters or keeping my account active. I felt dread to have to escape in this world that I had created. I felt no joy or excitement. It was the strangest feeling that happened all in a matter of seconds. Thus leading to my final decision to take a step away from writing. Do I still love it? Absolutely. But now I think I’m going to re-route and focus my writing on what I love - reality. I’m going to get back into journaling and write essays about love and beauty as I’ve always loved to do. But for escaping into a fantasy world? I don’t know when I’ll be back.

Now I know what you’re thinking. “But you can write and be happy!” Nah fam. Writing has been my aid through dark times and now I mostly associate it with those dark times. And for once in my life, I feel this desire to enjoy reality and remain in it - with the exception of journaling here and there. Even daydreaming is difficult. It’s strange. I love my reality. This sounds like gloating now but it’s truly a remarkable feeling. When you’ve been battling depression for 15 years, it feels really freaking nice to say that I’m happy.

So that’s why I’m taking a break - in a very long, drawn out way. But my hope was that after this long story, you might understand truly why I am doing this. It would have been easier to just say that writing doesn’t bring me joy anymore but I feel that I owe more than that; especially because I really don’t know if I’ll write for this blog ever again. The last time I took a break, I disappeared without being able to explain myself and I wanted to do so now that I have the chance.

Ultimately, thank you to everyone who has stuck by me over the years. It’s truly been one hell of a rollercoaster. The friends I’ve made on here have seen me at my lowest of the lows. But hey! I’ll still be around. I just won’t be publishing or continuing any of my works anywhere in the near future. Seriously though. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. This website has helped me tremendously and I’ll never forget it. Besides, there’s lots of other exciting things happening in my life now so you’ll certainly see me pop in here and there to talk about it ♡

If you wish, you can message me for questions or anything you want to know. I’m an open book - at least about most things hehe. And don’t worry. I still very much love Taehyung and still wildly obsessing over how marvelous he is. Umf.

(here’s some recent photos of me as i rarely take selfies anymore haha. and a derp photo of me and the man i love >_< why is the cutest photo of him with the worst photo of me? still cute though hehe)

#me #personal #goodbye for now #no longer writing #bts writer

[bettsfic]

do you know anything about like, the development of the purity rhetoric that now seems to be ubiquitous in fandom and how it got there? i used to be on tumblr in like, 2014 and only recently came back to fandom and i remember everyone being generally kind of cool with things like incest ships and morally grey characters (speaking specifically re the frozen fandom and elsa/anna here lmao) whereas now it seems like the conversation about those things has drastically shifted and i am..puzzled by it

this is what i imagine that experience was like for you:

according to fanlore, purity culture started in the homestuck fandom which. based on what i know of homestuck, that tracks. however i’ve never been in homestuck so i’m not sure what that transformation was like. all i know is my personal experience with the disk horse. afaik there’s no cohesive timeline of events across fandom, and i lack the time and resources to be able to make one myself. if anyone knows of one, or wants to make one, please let me know.

i do know that purity culture is a movement started by very young teenagers, who were maybe 13-15 in 2014 and are now 18-20. they were 8-10 when ao3 was founded, and therefore seem to have a limited knowledge of fan history, censorship, and critical thinking. i’m hoping that since they’re now entering college, they’ll get some insight and broader social awareness, and this movement will finally die out in the next few years. 

on any other platform, at any other time, their toxic rhetoric would not have gained traction. but here and now, on tunglr dot com where anyone can gain a platform, where mob mentality thrives and inciting an anonymous dogpile is as easy as hitting Post, where the brokenness of this place makes it difficult to control the content you’re exposed to -- it’s the perfect storm. we live in an age of hopelessness. young people grow up with social media as an extension of their identities, tethered to devices that hold all the information in the world. i think it’s fair for them to be afraid of their futures, and i can understand the desire to control the online spaces where they have the most agency, where their voices are the loudest. 

that may explain why, but not how. as in, where did they pick up this mentality at all? @freedom-of-fanfic (whose work is a necessity in understanding the disk horse) connected anti-shipping to TERF rhetoric. i’ve linked the fanlore page because it has all of the links and some of the responses. i honestly do believe that the language surrounding purity culture has its ugly roots in TERFdom. at its core, purity culture -- the policing of female and queer sexuality -- is misogyny. 

when i started writing destiel circa 2014, fandom was as you described. wincest was a juggernaut on par with destiel. teen wolf was full of underage and noncon. a/b/o was on the rise. it seemed like fandom was a genre without restraint -- anything you wrote, if it found the right audience, would be celebrated unabashedly. people who have been following me for a long time know that i was addicted to adderall at the time and pounding out all sorts of manic nonsense. i remember living on the validation of comments (and at the time, there were lots of comments. not so much anymore, but that’s another story). i got critical comments only rarely, and they were the type that i admired -- readers without judgment thinking through the story, reacting to it earnestly. i made some of my best friends because they left long, critical comments on my work. sometimes they didn’t like it, sometimes they did, but ultimately, they were engaged, and that’s what counted.

i remember my first policing-type comment, i think at the start of all the purity nonsense. it was a destiel fic, and someone very angrily told me i should tag my bottom!cas because it was triggering. i’ve thought about that comment a lot over the years. top/bottom discourse is nothing new, but to say that bottom castiel is triggering? that was ridiculous. but then i realized -- there was a writer in fandom at the time i won’t name, who was known for being extremely sensitive (for bottom!cas especially, which they found triggering), and their very dedicated following offered fic that was safe for their fave to read. i have nothing against this person at all. they were not part of the purity discourse, they were up front about their sensitive nature, and as far as i knew (i believe i met them at a con once?) they were very kind. 

but that commenter had been clearly influenced by this person and believed that a specific fictional character receiving anal sex from another specific fictional character was actual, real triggering content, and it was my obligation as a writer to tag for it. which i did, because i felt bad, and i was baffled by that request. at the time, i wanted more than anything to be liked, and conformed wherever i could. if i got such a request now, i would ignore it because it was rudely written and honestly kind of bonkers. i’d happily add a tag for something i may have missed, or even something i’d never considered before, but there’s no reason a person can’t make that request politely. 

this situation isn’t about purity discourse proper (the commenter didn’t tell me not to write the fic, and it had nothing to do with morality), but it’s the earliest example i can think of where the process of policing had occurred: a person of influence on tumblr affected their follower’s thinking, and that follower felt entitled to command another writer to conform to that ideology.

i could be completely wrong about making these connections. maybe that commenter truly believed bottom!cas was a legitimate widespread trauma. they did not say the fic was triggering to them, but that it might be to some other people, in the same way purity police say “think of the CHILDREN” when in fact they don’t give a fuck about children at all. 

after destiel i moved to stucky, which was, at the time, a juggernaut ship where anyone could write anything. this was also the time when the term “cinnamon roll” became incredibly popular, circa 2015. it was a fun and seemingly innocuous meme, but it positioned the ideas of “purity” and “wholesomeness” in sharp relief, and cemented these ideas by beginning to give it a distinct vocabulary. “trash” was pitched as its opposite. stucky is where i first came into contact with “antis.” in destiel, there had been ship wars, sure, but it was of a different flavor than antis. destiel vs wincest wasn’t about morality in 2014. it was about everything but.

in stucky in 2015, however, the disk horse was running rampant. the MCU had a sub-section of fandom called HTP (hydra trash party) in which steve and/or bucky have dubious or nonconsensual relations with various or many members of hydra. this is the first time i remember being aware of morality becoming a cornerstone of shipping. HTP was loathed by purity police. by the time i wrote a stucky bdsm au, i’d accumulated multiple nasty anons, rude comments from entitled readers, and other nonsense that all said the same thing: your filth is not welcome here in our space of purity. go away.

but the release of the force awakens is what really turned the tide. TFA offered three major ships: stormpilot (as it was called at the time, now finnpoe), reylo, and kylux. the fandom that developed around the sequels was firmly divided. franzeska wrote an amazing meta about this phenomenon which gives some insight into the seeds of purity policing. in short, stormpilot should have been the primary pairing of the sequels, but instead many of the badwrong writers from other fandoms (and HTP specifically, which was how i entered the fandom) flocked to the blank slate of kylux. 

it took a long time for the ship to gain traction. a friend told me that kylux had started with angry star wars racists who hated that there was diversity in the sequel trilogy. and i told them no, i was there, there were twelve of us and a cornchip, and all we cared about was the dirty/darkly comedic potential of these two ridiculous villain characters in one of the biggest franchises of all time. it wasn’t that complicated. i don’t mean to dismiss the discussion of race in fandom; i think it’s important to acknowledge that racism, as franzeska describes far better than i can, plays a huge part in fandom, particularly in star wars, and it’s an important and ongoing discussion to be having, especially given what kelly marie tran has gone through, and how it affected (presumably) rose tico’s extremely limited presence in TROS.

the early fics of kylux weren’t particularly taboo. they were post-TFA hurt/comfort mostly, then slowly the bdsm and power dynamics crept in. those of us who wanted to get away from purity discourse had finally found a new home. for a while. 2016 was the golden era of kylux. we were all very happy.

i remember talking to a friend about how there were certain things i couldn’t write in certain ships. being from ye olden days of fandom, she was appalled by this idea, and told me i could write anything for any ship i wanted, wasn’t that was the whole point of transformative works? and i agreed! but i tried to explain, if you post badwrong for a fandom of purity police, you’re going to, at best, get dogpiled in your comments/inbox. at worse they will find you, call your employer, and try to ruin your life. people will tell you to kill yourself. they’ll report your tumblr and try to get your blog shut down. there are real-life, harrowing consequences to writing taboo fic, and many who write fic as a hobby don’t have the emotional energy to field these risks.

around this time, discord became popular, which offered a private space for badwrong writers to congregate. i had started grad school and didn’t have much time to write fic. metoo was happening. tromp got elected. kylux was slowly turning mainstream so a lot of us turned our attention to gradence in fantastic beasts. some went on to hannibal and other fandoms that hadn’t yet caught the attention of purity police (but it was, as it is now, just a matter of time). kylux, i feel, was specifically decimated by a single fan creator, who was like a police chief. they would get wind of someone writing underage or noncon and write a call-out post about them, and that writer/artist would get pitchforked. a few times, my comments or posts got screencapped, and posts were written urging people to stop reading my works because of how heinously immoral i was. this happened to several of my friends too. 

the great tumblr tittyban of 2017 happened, which only added fuel to the fire and further legitimized the purity movement. i shifted hesitantly to the 100 fandom, which seemed small in comparison to supernatural, marvel, and star wars. i thought it was a chill place. i was wrong; it was just as toxic as other fandoms. but i also didn’t care anymore, and i appreciated that i was mostly left alone. more importantly, i found a lot of support from other people who were as tired of the purity as i was, and @the100kinkmeme was reborn. 

the state of things is pretty abysmal. there are some really amazing writers out there writing under multiple sock accounts, keeping their fandom identities shattered so as not to call attention to themselves. as much as i understand why writers do that, and i respect that decision, i also think it’s sad. it deprives readers the chance to read that author’s other works. it limits the sense of community and our ability to make friends. it fractures the future of the genre.

what’s most important to acknowledge is that none of this is happening solely in fandom. i went to a writers’ conference where 2 of 3 panels were about the history of moral policing and censorship in art. it is worth noting that of the 40-ish visiting writers on faculty, only one (1) was a woman of color (jaimaica kincaid). naturally, older rich white people who have spent their life in the arts are all about death of the author, separation of art and artist. they’re on the total opposite side of purity police, and they won’t acknowledge at all that racism and sexism are a problem in the creative world. they don’t have any nuance on the discussion, or modern perspectives in light of metoo or popular culture. 

this went on longer than i anticipated. i neglected to mention YFIP (your fave is problematic) an old blog that started the idea of call-out culture by pulling receipts on celebrities, and how call-out culture led to cancel culture, which also aided in the purity disk horse. i think a lot can be said about how some of this stuff is genuinely good (metoo and holding men accountable for their bullshit) while also being profoundly toxic (punishing criminals via mob mentality, ruining their careers and livelihoods through social media, rather than giving them their due process in court. i understand it -- the judicial system is built by the hands of the very predators we seek to condemn, but still. the jury of the internet is never a fair trial). 

if you want to read more, my tag is tsatp (the sacred and the profane). i’m sure i’ve left out a lot, but i can only speak to my experience. i think it would be good if people would share their experience dealing with purity policing, too, so we might get a cohesive timeline in place. feel free to reblog and add your story.

#tsatp #my fic #Anonymous

[mrmallard]

18 and 33

18: rant about your favorite musician

So I was bullied pretty badly as a kid at school and at home, and there was a period of time where I was drowning in a sea of age-appropriate content that felt extremely condescending and fake - it wouldn't ever engage with the idea of being sad or depressed in a serious and nuanced manner outside of the token "you're sad now but things aren't so bad!" message. Most adult media I had access to at the time, mostly shitty early-00's action movies airing on TV, was very vapid and about as thematically hollow as the age appropriate stuff. Nothing really represented me and made me feel heard, nothing validated what I was going through and the negativity I was feeling towards others and myself.

As a 12 year old, I found the media which finally validated the depression, hurt and general violent negativity that existed within me due to all of my negative experiences.

And that media...

was End of Evangelion, an anime movie in which the apocalypse happens in an immeasurably bizarre and fucked up way, where there's a bunch of overt giant robot violence but also very alarming and grounded person-to-person violence, and where the ending is unendingly bleak.

I then found the Mountain Goats through a show called Moral Orel when I was 16, and I lamented the fact that I hadn't found them before I found one of the bleakest anime movies of all time to cope with what I was going through. Because my Evangelion fandom ultimately did me a lot of harm - and while I was a stupid kid at times in how I engaged with the Mountain Goats (sending John stupid asks on Tumblr like a fucking asshole), there was a much more resonant catharsis that came with the music I heard, and it facilitated healing over time rather than escapism and outright nihilism.

I feel like had I found them earlier, I could have negated some of the harm I did to myself - like Tallahassee came out when I was 6, and I was pirating music all the time on LimeWire from 13 onwards. There's a hypothetical past where my music piracy led me to find the Mountain Goats way earlier than I eventually did, and it would have changed my life forever.

The Mountain Goats laid out a template for how I found all of my other favorite bands. There was the initial hook - the prerequisite "No Children" and "Old College Try" from Moral Orel - followed by immense overplay, followed by branching out into their other music. Once the connection has been made to a strong base of starter songs, I then get interested in listening to full albums, which is where I find the second wave of songs to latch on to after the first wave gets overplayed. Rinse and repeat until I've exposed myself to all of their music. TMG was the first band to facilitate this process, and I've done the same thing to every "core" musical act I've listened to since.

What I like about the Mountain Goats is that they're not afraid to broach difficult subjects? The Sunset Tree is a masterpiece in this regard, there's a level of vulnerability on that album that you don't get from most other artists - the closest equivalent I can think of is A Crow Looked At Me by Mt. Eerie, about the singer's wife dying of cancer.

There was a part of me that used to approach The Sunset Tree with a lurid voyeurism, a desire to validate my own pain by engaging with the pain that the album puts out there - but now when I hear songs like Hast Thou Considered The Tetrapod, I'm capable of seeing a broader picture and having more than just the desire to be validated by listening to another person's trauma. I would consume media like this to feed an unending hunger, but now I take it in bite sized portions and stay mindful of what it represents outside of my own experience.

One thing I want to talk about is John's early work, because when I started listening to the band I couldn't stand the lo-fi stuff. The whirring sound gave me a headache. But over time I've built up a strong base of his earlier material, even stuff he considers an old shame, that I absolutely adore.

The first "going to" song, to my understanding, is Going to Chino. And if you haven't heard Going to Chino, I recommend it - it's silly, it's overwrought and it's passionate. You'll never hear a more earnest commendation of a town's access to the 60 freeway in any other songs on earth. There's also Minnesota, which to this day might be John Darnielle's most romantic song. He acknowledges that he's a different person than when he started making music and he prefers to move forward as opposed to living in the past, but there's a lot of power in songs like No, I Can't or Yoga, regardless of how far removed he becomes from the self that made them.

My favorite song might be From TG&Y, because it hits on a very personal note - engaging in self-destructive behaviour to cope with a town that's sucking all of the life and goodness out of you. I've only ever drank to excess, but there's something very relatable about feeling how run down you are after a bender, having this awful manky taste in your mouth the whole time as you shift from place to place, and having this impulse of needing to run away and start a new life before this way of living kills you.

There's a lot of myself wrapped up in the Mountain Goats, and whether they're the primary band on my radar at any given moment or not, I can always spare a few words about how they make me feel.

33: what do you think about a lot

I think a lot about queer people in the past and how they've able to live their lives. I'll give you three examples.

Lately, I've had this pet idea about the anime/manga series Ranma 1/2. I haven't seen or read it, but I do know that it's about this young guy named Ranma who is afflicted with a curse or the like that results in him changing gender depending on the temperature of the water that gets dumped on him.

Ranma 1/2, from what I've gleaned, has resulted in a few gender awakenings - if I'm not mistaken, I think Dan Shive was one of those people, who went on to create the webcomic El Goonish Shive which deals with gender in a similar way at the start before taking more of a serious turn as the comic goes on.

But I have this idea in my head about early Ranma 1/2 fans writing stories about Ranma coming to terms with being a woman, and deciding to find a way to break the curse in a way that would leave the character as a woman. I wonder if there's anyone who tapped into their transness back then through their Ranma fandom, and whose journey is documented in their work.

It's like, there's people back then who Get It. Who came into their own in a time where the concept of gender transition was less accepted than it was now. And that's my people - geeky fanfiction writers. I want to know that there are people who found an innate truth to them, and who were able to be happy.

Another example I want to talk about is Robert Reed, who played Mike Brady on the Brady Bunch. I care deeply for Robert Reed. From what information is the most easily accessible about the man, he was apparently a pretty angry guy at times - he wasn't proud of his role on the Brady Bunch, and he'd get into arguments with the producer of the show. He was a closeted gay man playing the most sanitized TV dad in America, and if that news ever came out, it would sink his career and the entire show along with it.

But he was a good man. Notably, the producer of the Brady Bunch would tolerate his outbursts because his instincts would usually turn out to be right. And while he was upset with the material, he was never abusive to his co-stars. A bunch of them speak fondly about him to this day - he'd take the kids on day trips and stuff, and became something of a mentor and father figure to them. You don't hear wholesome stories like that from the 70's any more, but by all accounts Robert Reed seems to have been a decent man.

Robert died of colon cancer, but at the time of his death he had HIV as well. He was an incredibly private person - the only reason we know that he's gay is because he called Florence Henderson a week before he died to let her know and to get her to tell the rest of the cast. Apparently he kept in touch with her for years, and he saw fit to let everyone know before he died.

My understanding is that he had a partner at the time, though I'm not 100% sure. I hope Robert Reed had love throughout his life, y'know. I hope he had people who he loved and was loved by in return. I'm sad that he lived his whole life in the closet, and I hope he was able to find comfort and fulfillment in the relationships he did have in his life.

The last example I want to talk about is David Hyde Pierce - Niles from Frasier and the professor from Treasure Planet. I learned a while back that he had come out as gay in the late 2000's, getting married before Proposition 13 went into effect in California. I saw a topic about him on GameFAQs recently and I wanted to bring up that he was gay and married, but it had been a while so I googled him again to get my facts straight.

Not only is David Hyde Pierce still married, he's been in a relationship with his husband since 1983.

It means so much to me because people break up all the time in Hollywood. Whether it be the stress of the outside world gawking at them all the time, or the vice and excess of the entertainment industry corrupting people over time, or just falling out of love ala Danny DeVito and Rhea Perlman - relationships in Hollywood don't last. And you don't hear much about gay celebrities and their love lives unless it becomes a point of controversy, ala Elton John's adoption issues or George Michael getting outed.

But the entire time David Hyde Pierce was on Frasier and doing voiceover - for all intents and purposes, at the top of his career - he was in a relationship with a man he'd already loved for a decade beforehand. And they continued to be together until gay marriage became legal, at which point they married each other, and they're still married to this day.

I'm really happy that they've been able to go the distance. May we all have what they have one day.

#long post

[saltpepperbeard]

A Jotato’s THG Story (novel?)

So a few days ago, the lovely @everlarkedalways asked me to Weave My THG Tale™. And, in being VERY on brand in regards for my THG Story, I’m late to the party lol! Mostly because of work, partly because I was avoiding Ballad spoilers, and a tad bit because...I’m a potato. BUT, now that I am free of any large projects and finally have Ballad in my hands, I’m finally able to look past my potato roots and talk about how a certain wATER POTATO ARCHER CHANGED MY LIFE lmao.

Ara has jokes though, let me tell you. “Keep it short” l m a o; THIS IS ABOUT TO BE A NOVEL AND WE KNOW IT. ARE YOU READING BALLAD? HERE’S A NEW 500 PAGE BOOK FOR YOU TBH-

I’ve told this story a few times before, but it’s always delightful to look back on things and see all the twists and turns I’ve experienced with this franchise. The most notable being, I started out HATING Hunger Games lol!

I was in ninth grade when THG started to become like, a global phenomenon. Everyone was reading it, everyone was talking about it, and it was everywhere. And for whatever reason, instead of actually sitting down and, idk, GIVING IT A TRY LMAO, my reaction instead was to DESPISE IT. Guess it was that edgy, irate, “I’m ABOVE the general masses ha look at me,” fresh-out-of-middle-school mentality. And also, my justification for hating it so much was along the lines of, “Wow it’s just a series about kids killing each other? WHAT’S THE APPEAL???”

Which like fjlksjdksds...If I could look back on my early 2012 self?

She had no idea what was in store for her lmao.

Anyway, the premiere of the movie came and went, and I was still hard set in my ways. THAT WAS, until that same summer. I can’t exactly remember which clips I stumbled upon first? But I know I came across the Joshifer+Liz Banks interview, and also a ton of Perfectly Legal Movie Clips™ on YouTube. Both of which silently chained my soul without me realizing LMAO. I remember thinking that the main actors were so cute and played off each other well (AGAIN LMAO, GIRL, BIG STORM COMING), and also remember being totally intrigued by all the clips I watched. It was mainly clips of Katniss in the arena, and I think it made me realize that wow hey, there’s an ACTUAL STORY HERE, WITH A FEMALE PROTAGONIST NO LESS.

The story gets a tad fuzzy for me here, but I do believe I got the books and quickly read through them shortly after I essentially watched the entire movie on YouTube through clips jdksljdks. I can’t really recall what I thought about the books really? Because, I think I BREEZED through them. I was so excited that I just ZOOMED TF THROUGH. I inhaled the series in one GIANT GULP. I think I even read THG in a single day jdlsjklaads. It definitely wasn’t a cautious read through to get a better sense of the detail and literary devices. 

BUT, despite my excitement, I still hadn’t reached the God Tier “OBSESSIVE” stage yet. The light bulb hadn’t fully come on yet. It wasn’t until late 2013 when Catching Fire came out that I REALLY STARTED TO GO BALLISTIC LMAO. Actually, one of my fondest THG memories comes from this time, because I think it was really like, the OFFICIAL starting block for my obsession.

I was riding on a bus to a Theatre Competition, and my best friend had just gotten the CF Soundtrack for us to listen to. I remember being absolutely enamored with it- Mirrors, We Remain, and Lean in particular. And idk, something at that point just kind of told me that Catching Fire was going to be my anchor. Sure enough, after the competition was over, said friend and I went to go see the movie together.

And I astral projected lmao. I ACHIEVED HUNGER GAMES ENLIGHTENMENT. THE LIGHT BULB SWITCHED TF ON.

I was quick to see it again the following day, and I think saw it another two times in theaters after that. I also started drawing fanart of it, and looking for more pictures/interviews. And the want for more content, the DESIRE to go crazy about it, is what eventually lead me to finding the fandom here on Tumblr. I had had a Tumblr since 2012, but never really used it with a purpose. But when I realized there were people posting all sorts of stuff about THG? Boom- another light bulb. I followed tons of people, and officially changed my url to what it is today. “Star’s” for my internet alias at the time, and “Mahogany” for my love of Effie/that Iconic Line.

HOWEVER LOL, Tumblr would lead me towards a different side, something I didn’t expect to get pulled into so hard at all. Because, I distinctly remember coming on one night in December of 2013, and seeing @joshmopolitan and a few others posting about Josh going to the UK game. And that of course, lead me down the Celebrity Rabbit Hole, and lead me towards the Chaotic, Wonderful, Crazy-

JOSHIFER FANDOM.

((Also, before you crinkle your nose, *raises cane* BACK IN MY DAY, EVERYONE SHIPPED JOSHIFER LOL. *Snow voice* DON’T LIE. Like, everyone thought they were cute to some sort of degree, or believed they were going to get together. Shoutout to the Joshifer Golden Days, man.))

And thank goodness for it tbh. Because it was JUST when I was itching to write fanfiction with everyone else, and just when I was struggling HARDCORE with writing Everlark. @joshmopolitan and @youarebeingridiculous were sort of my introductions into RPF, with @youarebeingridiculous giving me nudges towards my first Everlark fic, before also nudging me towards my first Joshifer fic. And when my first Joshifer fic garnered attention/when I had a blast writing it? ANOTHER. LIGHT. BULB LOL.

So I was dead af from that point on. I was absolutely drawn in. Even though I was still invested in THG, Joshifer was definitely my main focus from 2014-2016ish. I was there for the typical ship wars, there to read and write all the fanfiction, there to read all the theories, and there to partake in all the crazy moments. Shoutout to Cannes 2014 in particular lmao; I was in the car and my phone started going off like CRAZY, with many of my friends SCREAMING at me about the events/articles that had transpired.

Being attached to Joshifer also allowed me to write my first, and so far only, full length, These Words are a Lie. It started out as just a four part series, two parts of which I actually published. Befffooorrre getting to the third part and realizing I had WAY too much to deal with/explain/write, which consequently lead to me pulling them down and expanding upon them! And thus my messy, lovely, 25 chapter peanut journey started lmao. Though I look back on it now and realize how disjointed it was, I’m so thankful I was able to see that story completely through. I’m also very thankful for the SUPPORT and following it got. Wouldn’t have gotten through without y’all! 

ANYWAY LMAO, because this is my THG story and not my Joshifer story, let’s get back to that. 2014 was WHACK because...LG was utterly tripping with its promotional material. And to think, it was just the START of odd/lacking promo, seeing as they were SOMEHOW WORSE WITH MJ2 LMAO. But even though I was incredibly salty at the time, it was so fun to be mad and chomping at the bit with everyone else lol. The SUFFERING OF NOT HAVING ANY NEW CONTENT BROUGHT US CLOSER TOGETHER. Also, going to Best Buy to watch the teaser trailer under Heavy Guard??? Was an EXPERIENCE LOL??? But man was I so stoked to get my poster and pin, because that was some of the first merch I got!

ALSO, MJ1 was the time where I got the idea to create a small YouTube series called “Tributes React.” I really really wish I could have been in the fandom earlier, because it would have been, dare I say, FIRE LOL to react to more than just the MJ1 and MJ2 trailers. But it was so so fun regardless, and everyone’s participation was incredible! And now all of our early, embarrassing, INTENSE fangirling is stuck here/memorialized forever PFFFF.

And, not to mention, Fran Solo himself watched one of them. Someone tweeted the video at him, and he tweeted back that it made all the hard times worth it. MY GREATEST FANDOM ACCOMPLISHMENT RIGHT THERE???

And finally getting to watch MJ1 in theaters lmao omg. I went with my friend before, and also one of my guy friends. And the entire time, he was HARD STARING AT ME WAITING FOR ME TO CRY LOL. SO HE COULD TEASE ME. AND HE GOT HIS WISH BECAUSE OF COURSE THE LAST 30 MINUTES OR SO UTTERLY RUINED ME. I remember shivering so so SO bad when the rescue mission for Peeta started, and having to hold my friends’ hands when they were creeping through the Tribute Center, and utterly SOBBING when Peeta attacked Katniss. Because...hello...I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again...WAY WAY MORE INTENSE THAN THE BOOK LMAO??

And then came the beginning of the end. I remember that promo time was even DRYER for MJ2 lmao, and that we were all DYING. Like, I think the big trailer didn’t release until like, SEPTEMBER??? WHICH...LG WHAT THE ACTUAL-

And we were also back to watching trailers in Best Buys jfkssdkdlsk. My Best Buy was also DUMB and didn’t have any posters, but @infinitegraces​ was awesome enough to send me numerous copies! Bless you, thank you; I had them on my wall all through college lol! DESPITE THEM BEING A HAUNTING REMINDER OF HOW HARD LG SMACKED US LMAO.

Despite my salt towards the INITIAL promo though, the premieres and what not definitely lead to MJ2 having a special place in my heart. I had just gone off to college, and was a timid, lonely little freshman with nowhere to turn. But the fandom was there for me, and MJ2 promos/premieres gave me something to be excited for. It all kept me going through that ROUGH first semester, and was there for me before I met my best friends. So thank you MJ2, and thank you all for sharing that excitement with me! <3

Also, I’d like to mention that I was SO desperate to continue the tradition of seeing the premiere with my friend thaaaaatttt...I left for Thanksgiving break two or three days early/skipped class JUST to make it back home in time to see it with her lol! I WASN’T HERE TO PLAY GAMES, Y’ALL. THG > ACADEMICS APPARENTLY PFFFF.

After that though, things kind of quieted down. I found friends and activities in college, the movies were done, and Joshifer was dying out. It lead me to use Tumblr sporadically, not posting AS much as I had before. I still had tons of love for everything, and still enjoyed coming on whenever I did!

Then I sort of stumbled upon our “renaissance,” like the lovely @everlarkedalways​ posting re-reads and re-watches. It tugged me in again, and made me excited to post content! I also branched out and began to write Everlark, and began talking about them/the books/meta more than I did in my earlier years. 

And of course, said renaissance lead me to attending TOASTCON LMAO. Which I somehow managed to name. On accident. *Dabs unironically*

That of course, was such an amazing experience. Going to movie filming sites has always been on my bucket list, so getting to go to HUNGER GAMES SITES??? WITH FANDOM PEOPLE???? GOD TIER??????

I was also suffering from major panic/anxiety problems that summer, having just graduated college and being thrown out in the Real World™. So once again, THG and its fandom were there for me when nothing else could be. And despite me feeling off mentally, despite me feeling plagued by fatigue, I still thoroughly enjoyed meeting everyone/having such a once in a lifetime experience. Also, getting to FLEX on my friends when we watch the movies and go like “I WAS THERE! I WAS THERE!! I WAS THERE!!!” is...A Time PFFFF.

Then of course, I started working a full time job, and shifted a bit away from Tumblr/the fandom. Not DELIBERATELY; more like, I was too Mentally Tired to really do much after work. But now that Ballad is here, and now that we have new content once more? I feel like I’m waking back up. Hell, I even went to Atlanta to see MORE film sites right before the virus started to make its rounds.

And so here I am lol! A SEASONED THG VET WITH SEVEN YEARS AND COUNTING UNDER MY BELT. I would very much love to tag everyone who had an impact on me, and/or who I’ve interacted with and shared fun times with over the years. But A. Everyone really out here CONSTANTLY CHANGING THEIR URL’s, and B. The number would be Too Great and I would inevitably forget someone on accident.

SO THEN, if you’re reading this, and we’ve ever shared some kind of THG experience together, thank you, from the bottom of my heart. THG has been such a wondrous experience for me, and it’s lead me to meet all sorts of amazing, talented individuals. It’s also been there for me during darker times, and has supported me in every way possible.

I love you all, I love being here, and HERE’S TO MANY MORE TAGS/RAMBLES IN THE FUTURE LOL! Like lmao, a new movie, you guys??? WHAT??? TRIBUTES REACT ANYONE???

-Jotato Out <3

#Jodi rambles #Like #REALLY //REALLY// RAMBLES LOL #thg #THG Story #holy shit i'm so tired katniss #i've been writing for an HOUR LOL #I'M SO OUT OF PRACTICE WHEN IT COMES TO WRITING SPRINTS MAN #MY 2014 SELF IS TELLING ME TO STOP COMPLAINING BECAUSE SHE WOULD WRITE FOR EIGHT HOURS STRAIGHT GJSKLDJSK #I'M RUSTY LOL #RUSTY I TELL YOU #also this is probably littered with typos #what with my Clumsy Thumbsies #but here we are lmao #There's also even MORE stuff I have mention tbh #LIKE I NEARLY FORGOT TRIBUTES REACT LMAO SO I MEAN #WHAT OTHER MEMORIES DID I MISS #WHO CAN SAY #2014-2016 WAS UTTERLY CHALKED FULL

[teddyshoney]

So, in celebration of posting my 50th fic on AO3 this morning, I decided to make a masterpost of all my fics so far. I’m quite excited to get all of them in one place on Tumblr! I have written some stories that I recognize might squick some people out, so I will put those beneath the cut. Clicking on the title of the work or series will take you to the story or series on AO3. Each of my stories is posted on FF.net, too. Clicking on FF.net at the end of each description will take you to the story or the first story in the series for each series listed. (FF.net is rather infuriating in that there is no good way to mark stories in a series. If you have questions about series order on FF.net, feel free to message me, and I’ll help you out.) So, without further ado, here we go!

One-Shots:

It Was All Your Fault (9988 words) --  Finn and Puck are getting married! Mike and Kurt, their two best men, have put together a weekend excursion to celebrate the upcoming wedding, but they may not be the only ones planning something. (This really ended up being a Klaine story despite what the summary makes it sound like.) FF.net

Respect and Obey (8443 words) --  Blaine has always had a little trouble with his anxiety, and the pandemic is causing an attack. His Dom tries to help, but sometimes it's hard to shut off the voices in your head. (This is a D/s story with Dom!Kurt and sub!Blaine.) FF.net

Take a Chance on Me by Abba (1760 words) --  Blaine takes Kurt on a surprise outing that doesn't go as planned. (Written for Klaine Valentine’s Day Challenge 2019 but is a standalone work.) FF.net

I Could Fall in Love by Selena (1530 words) --  Blaine has had feelings for Kurt since the day that they met, but he doesn't think Kurt is in love with him. A few comments from Wes go to his head, and Blaine gets a surprise he didn't count on. *This story takes place while Kurt and Blaine are attending Dalton Academy and does not completely comply with cannon events. (Written for Klaine Valentine’s Day Challenge 2019 but is a standalone work.) FF.net

Whenever You’re Away From Me by Olivia Newton John (2921 words) --  Kurt's in New York, and Blaine is still in Lima. When Sam invites him to drive to New York with he and his dad, Blaine accepts, planning a surprise for Kurt. (Written for Klaine Valentine’s Day Challenge 2019 but is a standalone work.) FF.net

This Is the Time by Billy Joel (1009 words) --  Kurt and Blaine are supposed to be writing their wedding vows separately. But they're really struggling, and they both need just a little bit of comfort. (Written for Klaine Valentine’s Day Challenge 2019 but is a standalone work. I did not upload this work to FF.net. If I choose to in the future, I’ll add the link here.)

Christmas Cookies (2000 words) --  Kurt's headed back to work from the bakery when he bumps into a very upset Blaine. He decides his time is better spent taking care of his sad husband than at work, so they go home to work out Blaine's problem. (Written for Glee Potluck Big Bang Advent 2019 but is a standalone work.) FF.net

Series:

In Every Lifetime (314,220 words) -- This is a series that I’m writing with @jayhawk-writes. There are currently eight stories in this series, and we have plans for several more. We’ve been taking turns writing stories for the ‘verse. The series summary is:  A series of connected AUs inspired by this line from Blaine's proposal: "It's always felt like I was remembering you from something. As if, in every lifetime you and I have ever lived, we've chosen to come back and find each other and fall in love all over again. Over and over for all of eternity." 1. The Unknown (864 words by me) -- Kurt and Blaine have a choice to make... FF.net 2. Domus Civita (62,612 words by jayhawk-writes) --  While on vacation to a city he's never been to, Kurt Hummel finds himself in a place that he recognized from his dreams. The person he always sees in those dreams is there, too, and they spot him and ask, “Is it really you?” FF.net 3. It Only Took an Hour (19,072 words by me) --  Kurt's been set up on a blind date at a bar that he hates. And the blind date is a no-show. There is this really cute boy that walks in, though, and Kurt can't stop watching him dance and flirt. The whole story takes place over the course of an hour with the exception of the prologue. FF.net 4. The Writing on My Skin (35,530 words by jayhawk-writes) --  Soulmates, when the younger of the two turns 16, both get a unique mark somewhere on their skin that will have or has had some meaning to them. They can write to each other back and forth by writing on their skin. Kurt Hummel has been waiting for his soulmate to finally turn 16 so that he would have someone to talk to about all of the things he can't tell his dad or other friends. Nobody really knows how bad the bullying has gotten at McKinley. He hopes that his soulmate can help him get through this tough time, but he has no way of knowing that Fate, and Noah Puckerman, will lead him right to his soulmate. FF.net 5. Nothing Can Keep Us Apart (44,467 words by me) --  Blaine is a Prince...well, he used to be. Now, he's just a lowly Peasant living in the city of Hucal, a kingdom under the rule of the man who ordered his father to be killed. Unexpectedly, Blaine falls in love with a boy, a boy who should be far, far out of his reach. And just as he thinks that things are looking up for him, Hucal goes to war, and Blaine must fight. Will he make it home? Will he get to marry his soulmate? Will they have their happily ever after? FF.net 6. The Silver-Scaled Mark (52,737 words by jayhawk-writes) --  Blaine is a half-elf living in a town of full-blooded elves. He doesn’t fit in and is bullied almost daily for his heritage. One day Blaine finds solace in the library and later finds a book that talks about the magic in his world. He is drawn to it and wants to learn all he can. After Blaine has consumed all of the books in his town, he goes off to college to become a wizard so that he can help protect those that are not able to adequately defend themselves. Once he has graduated, he finds that he and several companions are part of a prophecy that will help unite the races in his world. FF.net 7. When Worlds Collide (currently 70,521 words by me) --  Kurt Hummel and Blaine Anderson are soulmates and fairies; they have a wonderful little family, and Kurt is a successful author. When his daughters beg him to read his new book to them for a bedtime story, Kurt and Blaine relieve their pasts, and we learn exactly how they became soulmates and lovers in a most unconventional and unlikely way. (There are two or three chapters left to post of this story.) FF.net 8. Guarding the Shadows (currently 28,417 words by jayhawk-writes) --  Too distracted by their love for each other to make their own choices, Kurt and Blaine are thrust into an adventure they know almost nothing about. Born in mid-1600 London, they must overcome many obstacles including their financial barriers and their desire to find true love. However, there's a hidden piece of the puzzle they know nothing about: vampires. (This story is currently updating weekly on Saturdays.) FF.net

The Adventures of Josh, Jasper, and Liza (25,779 words in 3 works) -- In the first story of this series, Kurt and Blaine adopt three kids: Josh, Jasper, and Liza. This story is based on the movie Instant Family. The following two stories in that series recount a few days in their lives following the adoption. I plan to write more stories for this series. FF.net

Engaged for Graduation (8189 words in 2 works) -- This is a canon divergent series in which Kurt proposes to Blaine on the night of his high school graduation at the end of season 3. I have more stories planned for this series. FF.net

The Ander-Hummel Family (14,023 words in 6 works) -- This series is a continuation of canon. Rachel is Kurt and Blaine’s surrogate; we follow them through the pregnancy and some adventures after the baby is born. I am writing more stories for this series as well as finishing the last story posted in this series. FF.net

Klaine Is My Favorite Hallmark Movie (3320 words in 2 works) -- I didn’t intend for this to be a series but as I was trying to work on some stories for the Glee Potluck Big Bang Advent prompts, this series was born. In the first story, Kurt and Blaine talk about what they think their Hallmark movie would be like. Then, in the next story, they do a bit of roleplay for their Hallmark movie. I don’t know if there will be more stories in this series or not. FF.net

Blaine Has Fibromyalgia (4757 words in 2 works) -- I didn’t intend for this to be a series either. I wrote the first story about how Blaine got fibro in order to deal with my feelings surrounding the possibility that I might have fibro as well. The second story, which I just posted this morning, was born out of needing to deal with another situation related to fibro. I don’t know if there will be more stories in this series or not. FF.net

Below the cut is a list of my series that have some themes others might be squicked out by. 

Puckurt Ageplay (25,736 words in 4 works) -- In this series, Puck starts dating Kurt and their relationship morphs into an ageplay relationship with Kurt as the little following Burt’s election to Congress. I have plans to add more works to this series. FF.net

Puckurt Needs Blaine (14,943 words in 1 work) -- This is a spinoff series in which Blaine joins the Puckurt relationship as a little. I have more works planned in this series. FF.net

Klainofsky (36,331 words in 4 works) -- In this series, Blaine calls Dave up one night out of the blue and tells him that he and Kurt are having problems in their relationship. This leads into an ageplay relationship with Dave as the Daddy and Kurt and Blaine as the littles. I have more stories planned for this series. FF.net

Blaine and Kurt (9376 words in 4 works) -- This is an ageplay series in which Blaine is the Daddy and Kurt is the little. I have plans for more stories in this series. FF.net

Kurt and Blaine (44,091 words in 6 works) -- This is an ageplay series in which Kurt is the Daddy and Blaine is the little. The first few stories are an introduction to their dynamic, but the third story, A Visit to Grandma and Grandpa’s, is where the series really starts to head in a specific direction, and we see the addition of Finn and Sam in a Daddy/little relationship as well. I plan to finish the last posted story and still have more stories planned for the series. FF.net

You and Me Plus Puckerman Spells Family (42,120 words in 5 works) -- This ageplay series follows Puck as the little and Kurt and Blaine as Papa and Daddy. Their dynamic begins when Puck shows up drunk at Burt and Carole’s. He’s recently broken up with Quinn again and due to his drinking has lost all his pool cleaning jobs. Having promised Finn before his passing that they would look out for Puck, Kurt and Blaine fly in from New York to bring Noah home with them to start his new life. I have plans for more stories in this series. FF.net

#klaine fanfic #in every lifetime series #teddyshoney #fanfic author #best friend writers #friends that write together stay together

[t100ficrecsblog]

an interview with @writetheniteaway (she/her)

what are you working on right now?  For the 100, I’m completely revamping my bellarke Big Bang to be more canon compliant with the first half of season 7 (it’s worth the pain…at least that’s what I keep telling myself.) Additionally I’m considering adding more scenes onto my latest one shot “After the War”, but I’m not certain what’s going to look like just yet.  If anyone here is a Rogue One fan, particularly rebelcaptain, or a Newsies the Musical fan, I’ve got some long standing works in progress there too that I’m hoping to return to as well.  

what’s something you’d like to write one day?   I would love to tackle the all too cliché Bellamy also stays on the ground during Praimfaya, there’s so much potential there. I definitely don’t hate Echo, but it wouldn’t even have been a question of what was going to happen if Clarke had made it back in time, and that missed potential is one of the greatest tragedies, if not the greatest tragedy, of their entire arc. I think giving them the space and the chance to be themselves, and not be responsible for everyone else, it’s such a gift and there’s so many really nerdy literary options to play with too.  If someone wanted to prompt me to write a really filthy kink filled adventure, that’s on my list too.

 what is the fanwork you’re most proud of?   For Bellarke, definitely my most recent one shot After the War; I think it captures their voices and their dynamic well without shying away from the complicated healing process of it all, and the speed and enthusiasm with which people responded really made me feel like I had succeeded in getting their points of view across.  My greatest pride in any fandom would be “Ten Days in A Mad House”, which is based on the true experience of Nellie Bly, a reporter who went undercover into a mad house in order to report on the abusive conditions there. In Newsies, the leading lady Katherine is based on Nellie Bly, and it was such a fabulously angst filled story that I had to play with it. It’s the only long fic I’ve completed to date, so that helps too.  

why did you first start writing fic? I wrote fic as young as second grade, before I knew any sort of language or culture surrounded it, I just wanted to know more about what my favorite characters were up to. When I was a teenager I started reading fan fiction avidly, but it wasn’t until I started college that I started publishing what I wrote.  

What frustrates you most about fic writing? Sometimes I have more ideas than I know what to do with, and then I find the time to sit in front of my computer and nothing comes out right; or I’ll post something only to find a dozen mistakes in it a few hours later.  

what are your top five songs right now?   I have really eclectic music taste so I’m sorry in advance: 

Far Away Boys, Flogging Molly It’s Good to be Alive, Skillet  125 Yards, Outlander Season 2 Soundtrack, Bear McCreary  Laughing, Nathanial Rateliff  Some Lipstick, Anita Coats 

what are your inspirations (books, songs, other fic, really good cake?)?  I really love working with canon compliant, or at least world building compliant stories, so a lot of my inspiration comes from the source material itself. I also love putting together playlists for different characters, and a lot of those become my writing inspiration while I work. I was a playwriting major in my undergrad so I tend to write my dialogue first, and then fill the rest of the narrative in after I know what the conversation looks like.  

what first attracted you to Bellarke? My best friend told me to watch the 100 for years, and I always knew it on tumblr as “one of the ones that killed their gays,” so I resisted for a long time. But when I got past all of that and gave it a chance, I loved both Bellamy and Clarke instantly. Clarke’s desire for a better world and Bellamy’s unwavering loyalty both resonated with me hardcore; and that iconic season 2 reunion hug sold me on Bellarke as end game. 

what attracts you now?   Hope that when this is all over they can go back to being the perfectly in sync power couple we’ve come to know and love. I think all of season 5 was out of character to the point of absurdity, and I hate that it took an entire season to undo all of that damage, and now we have only a handful of episodes left to clean it all up. I love Rogue One, and you really can’t have any happiness in that fandom unless you throw canon out the window, so I’m preparing for the worst. I’m so grateful for brilliant fic writers who do so much with these characters who mean so much to me, and I look forward to rewatching the early seasons of the 100 many times, and reading all those brilliant fics.  

BESIDES Bellarke, what character or pairing do you like best on t100?   I think Monty has every one of Bellamy’s good qualities just in a softer, quieter way and that parallel is really special. As a writer Marcus Kane has one of the most incredible character arcs. I have a soft shippy spot for Murphy and Emori. I think Raven is a really fantastic character, and I love Miller for the hundred subtle ways he makes character choices.  

why did you decide to start writing for bellarkefic-for-blm?  I’ve been really struggling to find ways I could contribute. I can’t safely protest, and I can only afford to donate so much, but then this opportunity came up and it seemed like such a positive way to use fandom. For all the flack fan culture gets, I’m really moved and inspired by how we can use it in very positive and powerful ways.  

what’s your writing process like (esp for prompts, chopped!, etc)?   I’ll usually spend a couple of days chewing on what I think the general body looks like, type it all out once, then walk away. I’ll edit for grammar and typos first (I have serious issues with switching tenses, grrr) and then content after. One of my most important ways of editing for dialogue is to imagine it being read in the character’s voice, and if I can’t hear it, then I’ll tweak until I do.  

What are some things you’d like to recommend?   I just binge-watched Harlots, I also really enjoyed Sex Education, Derry Girls, and Gentleman Jack. I’m studying for a major exam in October, so I haven’t done much reading outside of fan fiction, so here’s a couple of my bellarke favorites: Sugar by asoroarke, Paint Me in Trust by Pawprinter, and Danger and Doubt by Aiepathy. If you’re interested in musical theatre, Newsies Live on Disney+, and if you’re looking for a great concept album Rise by Skillet. You can find @writetheniteaway here on Tumblr, or you can find her on AO3 here. If you’d like to request a fic written by her, you can do so via @bellarkefic-for-blm.

#bellamy blake #clarke griffin #bellarke #bellarkefic4blm #monty green #bellarkefics for blm interview #interview

[rome-writes]

Daily Routines in The New Normal Setting as a College Student Living with Their Parent

Cover Image by Pixelbay via: https://www.pexels.com/ On March 10, 2020, I said goodbye to my girlfriend and that I would see her next week after. Little did I know that was our last meeting for the year. It was possibly someone's last goodbye to loved ones and friends as chaos and tragedy would soon creep into the country for other people.

Amidst the chaos, we all had to try and get on with our lives, even if it isn't the most efficient way. I had to go home and live with my mom in the meantime. I made a daily routine for myself as life would continue even if I was still on a slump during the pandemic.

I'll be sharing to all of you what my daily routine has been during this new normal, which I hope gives you an inspiration to make your own routine too.

MORNING

I hated mornings and waking up early as I was always exhausted from my night classes back then. Now that I'm home again, I had to wake up early to do my house chores. I hated it at first, but along the way, I found that it was tranquil and peaceful here in the morning, unlike the never-ending noise in Manila. It was relaxing to get up, feel the cold morning breeze, and see the sunrise from the cold blue atmosphere into a bright one.

Watering Plants  Everyone took up a hobby this year. I joined the club of so-called plantito's and plantita's, wherein people started collecting plants. I've always been intimidated by plants as I can never grow one during my high school gardening days. To my awe, I did keep some plants alive while killing a few, but the important thing here is that my plants are now also growing and blooming. It's a nice routine to wake up early and observe your plants, seeing their growth progress, and watering them. Plants give you a sense of responsibility for maintaining them, and they are just that nice to look at and display in your home.

Preparing Coffee for Breakfast  When I was at my dorm back then, I didn't have the time to eat breakfast and just go for cheap iced coffee and instant noodles. Now I'm home, I can finally prepare something healthy for myself. The one thing that I consistently prepare in our breakfast is coffee. This time, I made sure to buy some quality coffee that tastes good and would fuel us for the busy morning to follow.

Setting Up My Mom's Online Class  My mother has been teaching for around 30 years, so it's no secret that she is having a hard time with the online class set up. So, it has been a daily routine of mine that I would set up all the things that she needs after breakfast. I'd always be around the corner if she needs assistance or something is going wrong with her class.

Journaling  I'm an old soul, and I like to keep in touch with my emotion and feelings. The only way I could write about them is through pen and paper. I may have a blog, but my journal is the only one that knows my deepest desires and thoughts. Journaling has been an outlet for me to keep my sanity and emotions in check. I've always loved the feeling of just writing and not having to worry if it's right or wrong. It's nice to journal peacefully and calmly in the morning too.

AFTERNOON

My classes usually start late in the morning or in the afternoon; this is when I focus mostly on my academics and go to my classes. Honestly, it's hard to stay up in the afternoon as the weather is scorching hot, and you feel sleepy after lunch. I made this routine to keep myself motivated and productive.

Setting Up and Preparing for Class  Everyone has difficulty finding the right learning environment for them with many factors to consider. The only place I have available at home is my room as my mother is out in the living room with her classes on. This would require me to set up my foldable table as a desk, along with other study essentials. I would do this every day for my classes, which would keep me motivated to study and listen to my classes.

Checking Emails, Activities, and Tasks  After my classes, I would use it to look at what I need to do. This includes my org works, papers, and other activities. Usually, this is when I read my readings and study for a paper or activity that I have to do. I make sure that I don't waste this time to have a good sleep in the evening.

Merienda A Filipino thing where you have a snack in the afternoon. I use this as a break time for me to get a break out of my studies. I usually like to eat a sandwich or instant noodles in the afternoon. At times I would have coffee if I'm really having a hard time with my studies, but I usually avoid it so that I don't have a hard time sleeping in the evening.

EVENING

The end of a day also means stopping on anything academically related, unless I have an evening class going. I usually spend the evening catching up with my mother during dinner, even if we are just under one roof. The evening is meant for us to rest, so all my relaxing routine is in the evening.

Dinner  The time where I get out of my room and converse with my mom on anything under the sun, the news, or something related to her work. This is also where my mom and I spend the most time preparing meals as we had a deal wherein we must learn to cook new dishes this year. The only thing that isn't fun in the evening is when all is done, the dishes have to be washed.

Blogging  Besides my journal, I like to share some of my personal thoughts and stories online. The only safe outlet that I can share this is through Tumblr, as Facebook and Twitter are mainstream social media outlets filled with many people. Tumblr has been a safe haven for me since high school and till now. Sometimes we just want to share our stories or be heard without having people comment or say something about our views. Tumblr community has been a safe space for artists, the LGBT community, and many more people. This is the only place where I know I can be me without having people judge me all the time.

Entertainment  This is the last thing I do for the evening where I just chill and watch a show, movie, or play video games. After all, we need a mental rest from all that's been going on around us. I acknowledge my privilege from the rest of the world, and I do my part to help out. At the end of the day, we need to look after ourselves and do something that gives us joy or rest. This is how I give myself a break as I am a fan of movies and series. It's nice to escape reality for a while for some of us who can.

I'll be real here, everything that I have said or listed comes from a place of privilege. Not everyone can follow or do what I have been doing every day. The fact is that what we are facing is not normal and shouldn't be called new normal.

What I have shared is how my life has been going through and what I did to cope up like the rest of the world. Maybe you can follow or do some of the things I have been doing, or not at all, as you've got a lot on your plate.

We all have to do what we need to do to survive and remain sane in this pandemic. I hope that the routine I have shared inspires you to get moving and be productive in your own way.

#personal #academics #multimedia journalism requirement #new normal #routine #tips

[annacwrites]

an intro post

I’ve had this blog for what feels like forty-seven years but haven’t really put in much of an effort to make friends ‘round these parts, so... hello, everyone.

My name is Anna and I have been on this godforsaken hellsite for over ten years now (I am a tumblr old), but I’ve only been (rather poorly) trying my hand at this whole writeblr thing since mid-2016. Much like my past posts here, I am inconsistent as heck when it comes to actually writing/finishing anything, but such is life.

I got my intro to writing in any serious way thanks to Camp NaNoWriMo back in 2011, when I pantsed my way into finishing a whole fantasy novel that August. Since then, I’ve rewritten that fantasy novel, written some YA stuff, written a whole bunch of fanfiction, and also written a bunch of self-indulgent romantic nonsense (because the whole point of this thing is to have fun, right?). I have completed but a small fraction of those things, which is why one of my 2020 goals is to actually finish a writing project for once.

I am supposedly an adult (not sure who let that happen) and I have both a BA in anthropology and a BSBA in accounting, though I originally started as a fiction writing major before I concluded that majoring in writing was killing my desire to actually do it and figured out that I had way more fun talking about how and why we use language and assign meaning to things than I did going through assignments where I had to kill my darlings (tl;dr: I was a linguistic anthropology concentration in college and I hate editing my own writing). 

Long-term writing goals include the following: rewrite that first fantasy novel again (now that I feel even the slightest bit qualified to actually turn it into something good), rewrite/complete that YA series that I’ve been promising to my few Wattpad followers for like... eight years now, complete the fantasy novel that I’m currently working on in such a way where I actually feel even vaguely proud of it, finish all those WIP fanfics that have been sitting around forever, and maybe, just maybe, publish a book someday. Hitting two million NaNo-related words eventually would be pretty cool too (I hit one million in November of 2019).

Outside of writing, I quite enjoy reading (shocking, right?), especially fantasy and historical fiction. Tamora Pierce is my favorite author, though I quite adore His Dark Materials as well. I play four instruments (flute, guitar, piano, and ukulele), and I own a horse and have been riding for over fifteen years (so if anyone has questions about horse things, I’m not the worst person to ask and am happy to answer). I work in finance (after an almost two-year stint as an auditor at a public accounting firm, which absolutely stripped me of my creative energy and desire to write which I am only just rediscovering), but my pipe dream is that I can one day make a living writing books and retraining/selling off-track Thoroughbreds whilst living on a farm out in the middle of nowhere. We’ll see how that one winds up working out.

I can’t say exactly what I’ll be posting on this blog moving forward, but if I had to guess, it’ll probably be some combination of discussions about worldbuilding, my characters, plot points that I’m finding particularly annoying, and excerpts of whatever I’m working on. I can’t promise any consistency in the genre of my projects, so don’t count on that. My hope is that if I actually find people to talk to on this side of the internet, it’ll force me to be more consistent in both writing and posting on here, but I really have no idea what’s going to happen.

I don’t follow a ton of writeblrs but I’d like to change that, so shoot me a like/reblog/message/ask/whatever and I’ll check your blog out (this is a sideblog, so I follow as acreatureofhope). In the meantime, I’m going to force myself to stop working on the map for my aforementioned current fantasy project and go take a shower/get a cup of tea so I can finish reading Spinning Silver. Who knows, maybe I’ll actually complete my Goodreads challenge this year (maybe I’ll start posting those updates over here too, just to hold myself accountable. We shall see).

#writeblr #writeblr intro #writeblr introduction #writeblogging #writing blog #intro post

[tessatechaitea]

Justice League Annual #1 (1987)

Martian Manhunter has five thousand different super powers compared with the one super power of the rest of the team (Black Canary's sonic scream. The other "super powers" are just technological accessory based).

If this comic book isn't about Martian Manhunter's addiction to Oreo cookies then what am I even doing with my life? The only reason I love Martian Manhunter is that he loves Oreo cookies and I view him as the father I never had. Whenever I had a problem growing up, I would think, "What advice would Martian Manhunter give me?" And that's why I was so fat in Junior High School because the answer was always "Eat more Oreos." I know Martian Manhunter's eventual addiction is to "Choco's" but fuck Choco's. Fuck them like every other off-brand Oreo cookie. They fucking suck. Speaking of things that suck, this dick isn't going to suck itself. Now picture me pointing at the comic book because I need to read it. That's how I begin reading all of my comic books. And I say it loudly so the neighbors will think, "Oh boy! That guy next door isn't a nerd at all! Total sex maniac!" The "Hunting the Manhunter" blurb on this cover reminds me that Millennium is coming up and I think I hated that? No, no. I'm sure I loved it! There are two things I couldn't get enough of in my teen years and comic books was the second one of them. Kord Industries has bought some property in the middle of Ultra-Nowhere, South America, and some of its employees have gone off to scout the location.

Wasn't that the episode with the shape-changing hottie who loves sucking the salt out of men? You know what I'm talking about. Also she was probably a male monster posing as a female monster. Proof of that theory is that every single episode of the first season of the original Star Trek could also have been the name of a gay bar.

Inside the abandoned research facility, the Kord employees encounter pretty much the same thing Kirk, Spock, and the other one encountered:

Vampire John Travolta! It's possible I'm misremembering the Star Trek episode.

While on monitor duty, Guy Gardner discovers that large groups of people on four different continents seem to be under the control of a single will and Batman asks Martian Manhunter, "Do you think this is League business?" What the fuck else would be, Bat-Turd?! A new Internet fad like planking or the Harlem Shuffle? I mean, it totally could be that except that the Internet doesn't really exist during this story. I mean if you want to be a pedant about it, I suppose the teenage Internet across college campuses. But nobody likes a pedant so just shut the fuck up and live in my reality while you're reading my stupid comic book review. Just take the fucking Red Pill and relax! Except don't do that because the idea of The Matrix Red Pill has been co-opted by the worst of humanity who think they're somehow the most logical and philosophical people on the planet when they're really just awful monsters rationalizing all of their mean desires.

How did people come away from reading this comic book hating Guy Gardner and not also despising Batman?

The Justice League splits up into teams of two to cover the mass hypnosis issues in Paris, Tokyo, Sydney, and Los Angeles. I'm not sure Batman knows how to balance teams because he sends Doctor Fate and Martian Manhunter together while leaving Mister Miracle with Blue Beetle. Here are my teams: Guy Gardner with Blue Beetle because Blue Beetle is effectively worthless and Guy Gardner has the most powerful weapon in the universe. Batman would go with Black Canary because her sonic scream is sort of like a bat's echo location. Martian Manhunter would go with Scott Free because they're both aliens. And Booster Gold would team up with Doctor Fate because their outfits match. Blue Beetle and Mister Miracle head to L.A. with some, um, problematic dialogue? I think?

This is an "anal sex/everybody in Hollywood is gay" joke, right?

With newer comic books, a scan of 620 pixels (basically the width of the main column of the blog (although I think the width changed when I added the Goodreads app. I should probably fix it so the 620 pixel pictures stop bleeding off into the right-hand frame (if you're reading this on Tumblr, just ignore it. Just ignore everything since Tumblr fucked up their code and now I can't even center pictures or get the captions to sit snugly right up underneath the scans))) was usually enough to read the dialogue clearly. But with these old comics on newsprint, they're fuzzier and the font seems much smaller. Sorry about that but I won't betray my artistic integrity by scanning less than the full panel! At least not in this case is my defense against the pedants who can easily find many examples of me doing exactly that. First Black Canary is treated like shit by Batman and now she teams up with Booster Gold who can't stop hitting on her until she reminds him she's a competent limb-breaker. This must be the kind of comics Comicsgaters wish we could return to! "Remember when women were treated as sexual objects and not one member of the Justice League was Black and constantly said, 'Booyah!'? What great times!" Black Canary and Booster Gold become John Travolta Vampire slaves almost immediately because Batman chose the improper team pairings. It's bad enough that Batman would fail at making proper pairings but it's extra bad when Batman is being written by a writer and the writer made that choice. I mean, how do you pass up the opportunity to team Booster Gold with Doctor Fate?! They would look so fucking good together! Batman and Guy Gardner (you know how you can tell Hal Jordan is the real Green Lantern? Because people will say "Green Lantern" when discussing him instead of "Hal Jordan") wind up in Tokyo where Doctor Light is all, "Hello, boys! I'm a vampire now!" Then she blinds the fuck out of them because Batman forgot to put on his Bat-sunglasses.

Batman steals this move from Doctor Light in the next regular issue.

Doctor Light kisses Batman and he's all, "Yeah, yeah. Okay. Okay. I get it. Being a vampire is pretty awesome. No wonder writers write vampire versions of me every other year or so."

I don't think the editors briefed Willingham on what Beetle's Bug can and can't do.

Beetle lands at Kord West and is immediately swamped by John Travolta Vampire's thralls. So he does the thing he does in nearly every comic book except the one where Maxwell Lord shoots him in the head: he runs away. But he doesn't run fast enough and winds up possessed aboard the Bug with Mister Miracle. The story hints that Miracle gets possessed just after the scene changes but he's Scott Free, the world's greatest escape artist! I would guess he'd be the one to save everybody else but judging from the cover, it's Martian Manhunter who keeps from getting possessed. In Australia, Doctor Fate wades into a group of infected people because he's a gigantic arrogant prick. He's all, "I'm a frickin' Lord of Order, assholes! I know a spell that can get to the root of this problem!" And then the Vampire John Travolta is all, "I'll kill Kent Nelson if you don't leave his body." And Doctor Fate is all, "Well, J'onn, I've gotta go! Nice hanging out with you! Ta ta!" Which leaves Martian Manhunter as the only person left on Earth who isn't infected (or at least the only person left who is in this story). I bet that's pretty lonely. But Martian Manhunter is used to being lonely. I wonder if he's capable of making his right hand into a female martian so he can fuck it? Martian Manhunter has no idea what he's dealing with so he puts on Doctor Fate's helmet to gain all of the other powers that he didn't already have without it. But only for a few seconds because Superman would never be able to get an erection again if he found out Martian Manhunter had all of his powers and could also do magic. J'onn wears the helmet just long enough to learn what Doctor Fate learned about the contagion: it's a sentient cell! It's smart cancer! And I guess Vampire John Travolta was Patient Zero. Now J'onn just has to figure out how to fight Smart Cancer. I don't even know how he'll defeat it because I just looked up Smart Cancer in the Who's Who to read about its weaknesses and wouldn't you know it? There's no entry for Smart Cancer! Maybe it was in an update that I don't own. Like that version of Who's Who that was just loose pages to stick in a binder! I have that one too but it's possible I just didn't buy all of the expansion packs. Martian Manhunter heads to the source of the contagion to meet Smart Cancer head on. What he finds is a boss from Castlevania.

When you have thousands of people at your disposal, is the most effective way to use them shoving them together into one giant person?

The first thing Smart Cancer's Granfaloon does is try to smash J'onn with its people fist. In effect, it's smashing a dozen people head first into the ground so that dirt sprays up all over the place. So I guess a dozen or so people are now dead, right? It's not like Smart Cancer gave them invulnerability to massive head wounds.

I think this panel is the one where all the Justice League editors through their hands up in resignation and sighed, "I guess the Justice League is ridiculous now."

Martian Manhunter realizes, like me, how fucking stupid Smart Cancer is to put all of its people in one gigantic people-shaped basket. Since all the minds are linked, he realizes he can throw the Fate helmet on one of the people and Doctor Fate can possess Smart Cancer. It works but only for a limited amount of time. Doctor Fate can't hold that many people under his sway. But Doctor Fate does know who can control Smart Cancer: the martian! He can shapeshift his cells into some kind of prison or something. I don't know. It was explained in the most basic medical and scientific terms but they were still beyond my attention span. In the end, Martian Manhunter contained the Smart Cancer in him and that's where it lives now? Oh, and speaking of "the end," check out this clever and titillating final panel:

"Why's it gotta be the ass of the only woman on the team?" I say while pulling my pants down.

Justice League Annual #1 Rating: What?! I don't rate annuals! I mean, maybe sometimes I rate annuals. This one was okay. It was sort of interesting but I was disappointed that Vampire John Travolta wasn't the actual enemy. I hope Smart Cancer fights its way out of J'onn and makes another appearance later.

#Justice League #DC Comics #DC #Keith Giffen #J.M. DeMatteis #Bill Willingham

[seanfiction]

Fanfic Writer Game

Tagged by @pandirpus =)

How would you describe your fanfic style? I set the scene, a character gets to do some introspection concerning their relationship with another character, then porn happens. I like describing how intimacy makes people feel, the idea as well as particular touches.

What tropes would you never use? Eh, what even constitutes a “trope”? Whatevs... So what would I never write? Tons of shit, obviously!? But here are a few things I notice in fics I read that I absolutely hate:

changing POV (to the point where it changes every other paragraph and the fic feels like it started out life as an RPG)

cheating at narration (i.e. a character knowing more than they possibly can because the author really wanted to get that piece of information in)

porn between the lines (that’s what I read/write fics for!)

pairing (or killing) off another character who is frequently shipped with someone in the main ship so they’re out of the way (I don’t get it, it feels so unnecessary and forced)

aged-up characters (if a character is a minor in the source material then I don’t want to read about them in college or whatever)

healthy/normal families (I don’t even know why; the best you’ll get is if families aren’t mentioned)

What tropes do you ALWAYS use? As Pandir helpfully put it: I don’t think in tropes. When I think of fanfics, I think in ships and kinks and ratings. So I will list kinks and related themes that keep popping up in my writing:

bondage (any variety)

age gaps (even and especially the kind some folks deem problematic)

hate sex/aggressive sex

power imbalance (in many different ways, but this is what it often boils down to)

Domination/submission

being overcome by desire (despite knowing better)

non-con/dub-con

explicit consent (obviously not in the same stories that the previous point occurs in XD)

Where do you write? I publish stuff on AO3 and tumblr. I’m not good at keeping track of these things, tbh.

How many names do you write under? Why? I just use SeanFiction for everything, never saw the necessity for more than one name.

What’s your usual rating level? It’s not “E for everyone”, I’ll tell you that. 8D

First fandom you wrote for? The first fandom I wrote proper fanfiction for was Yu-Gi-Oh! 5D’s, I think. EDIT: I just remembered I used to write DC and Marvel Fanfiction (comic verse) on LJ way back when! That must have been even earlier!

How long did you read fics before you started writing them? Seven years or so? I never really felt the need to write fanfics, I just wanted to read them. I wrote originals instead until I met folks who inspired me to go into fanfiction. XD

Do you usually write chapter fics or one shots? One shots, pretty much exclusively, because they serve my content best. I explore a scenario and that usually only takes one go. Sometimes fics are connected and take place in the same universe, but that’s about it.

Your fandoms: I haven’t been writing much fanfiction recently (or much of anything, really), the last few fics I wrote were for Hikaru no Go, Pokémon and Ties of Lapis... some of these a while ago. 8′D I don’t even consider them “my fandoms” (except maybe ToL) because I don’t think about them much or anything.

Tagging: Tag, you’re it!

#writing #personal #thanks for the tag #it was really fun to think about these things

[cssns]

Ok, sorry y’all! NOW here’s the monthly roundup for September!

Have y’all enjoyed all the INCREDIBLE updates we got last month? I know I did!! Please be sure to give our authors and artists all the love for all their hard work!!! And have a look at the end of the post for a VERY IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT!!! And now, without further ado, here we gooooooooo!!! Under the cut, unless Tumblr ate it.

@snowbellewells completed A Story Told at Last. Rated T. Artwork by @branlovestowrite.

Historical Literature Professor Henry Mills has the chance of a lifetime before him. He might finally uncover the truth of a folktale that has intrigued him for years. But, when the whole story comes to light, will he be able to accept the story that needs to be told?

@let-it-raines completed Not Your (Soul)Mate. Rated M. Artwork by @captainsjedi.

Killian Jones doesn’t like the idea of soulmates. He sees how happy his friends are with theirs, but he still doesn’t like the idea, not when he’s found love and lost it time and time again only to still not know his sign. He has no markings on his skin, no voices in his head, but then one day he meets Emma Swan and everything changes. Because, well, he may not have ink on his skin to tell him who to love, but the very first time that he hears Emma’s voice he knows that she’s the one for him. Then again, that could simply be his desire talking. After all, for every word she speaks, he becomes aroused.

It’s not the worst thing in the world to be incredibly attracted to a beautiful woman, but things aren’t that simple when she doesn’t have any interest in being his soulmate.

He’s screwed. And not in the good way.

@courtorderedcake posted Roses, a CS rendering of the classic fairytale Tam Lin. Rated E. Artwork by @eastwesthomeisbest.

A CS retelling of Tam Lin, the classic fairytale.

Liberties taken. Magic and Fae BS in play.

@teamhook posted Rionnag Dorcha Gorm (Dark Blue Star). Not rated. Artwork by @hollyethecurious.

It is said that evil is not born but made. This is how an act of kindness is twisted into a story about revenge. Emma and Killian are childhood friends until a tragedy separates them will another reunite them.

From last years event, @kymbersmith-90 updated Divine Intervention. Rated E. Artwork by @hollyethecurious.

Brothers Liam and Killian Jones are on the hunt for their father, Brennan Jones, who has gone missing in his hunt for the supernatural creature that killed their mother. But along the way, the brothers discover that the supernatural world is much bigger than they could ever have imagined.

And someone else has big plans for one of them.

@thejollyroger-writer completed What Happened in Berkshire. Rated G. Artwork by @captainsjedi.

When Emma’s boyfriend leaves her for the woman he’s been cheating with, she accepts an offer from her hospital to move to England. While she is out celebrating her thirtieth birthday with her friends before they head back to America, she drunkenly kisses the statue of Captain Hook in front of Eton College, and he comes to life. Together, he and Emma try to figure out what this curse means for them by searching for the witch that cursed him in the first place — are they really True Love, as he wants to believe they are, or did Emma’s magic go awry?

From last year’s event, @seriouslyhooked updated Lost Souls and Reveries. Rated M. Artwork by @shipsxahoy.

Killian Jones is a wolf shifter without roots, without plans, and without a pack. He’s a rogue, someone humans should avoid and shifters should be wary of given his lineage. But one night years back set him on a path he didn’t realize he was taking, a path leading to the future he was destined for. That future is tied up in one woman – a human named Emma Nolan. Together Emma and Killian will find not only answers but a love that’s truly fated. But will love be enough to set both of them free, or will past demons win out in the end?

@snowbellewells updated Face to Face in the Broad Daylight, her sequel to last years fic, Run to Me (In the Dead of Night). Rated T. Artwork by @branlovestowrite.

Here we have a sequel to my werewolf, alternate season two and beyond fic from last year’s CSSNS. You probably want to read that story "Run to Me (in the Dead of Night)" first, or it might be a bit confusing in places. This second story in the same universe partially exists just because I wanted to revisit these couples and enjoy a bit more of their fluffy happily ever afters. However, we may also see them get into some new surprises and challenges, and of course we need to see if Rumplestiltskin is still under control or back to his usual scheming and plotting. I hope you will enjoy. I’m so glad to be part of this event again, and this is just the opening chapter.

@courtorderedcake updated Hallow with accompanying artwork 1 2. Rated E.

"The Goblin King was prepared to host the Darkness, stealing Fae women away to their corrupted lands underneath the ground as concubines. The Darkness chose another in his stead, but not before this selected vessel enacted a devastating attack in its vengeance, revealing its hatred & rage. The battle was a lesson the old kings had forgotten; never underestimate an opponent.

Many more lives were lost as they razed over any who dared defy The Goblin King's will. Only the pure love of our rulers united in matrimony, breaking the Vorpal Dagger, sealed the darkness and the Goblin menace away. The light flourished under their fair rule, and the queen bore a child as pure as moon beams, swan feathers, and starlight. They lived happily ever after, and shall be written in history as Heroes for All Time."

This is the history Princess Emma memorizes from the day she is born, paraded about and presented only with the highest protection. The palace is a cage she wishes to escape, desperately. Not careful what wishes she made, Emma discovers history is written by the victors - The Dark One has an entirely different version of the events that took place.

@jarienn972 updated A Simple Spell. Rated T. Artwork by @cocohook38.

This story is my entry into the 2019 Captain Swan Supernatural Summer event and is my first venture into AU territory. Storybrooke remains our setting but I've switched up some of the characters and familial relations to better suit this tale of prodigal witch Emma who returns to her birthplace to learn lots of secrets about herself and cast a spell that could change everything.

@whimsicallyenchantedrose updated Until the Stars Are All Alight, her CS LOTR au. Rated T. Artwork by @clockadile.

When Emma Swan steals a yellow Volkswagen Beetle, she has no idea it will lead her toward an adventure filled with danger and intrigue, sacrifice and a love stronger than anything she could imagine. Tasked with bringing the Savior home, the elf, Killian Jones of Misthaven travels to the Land Without Magic. Can he convince Emma to fulfill her destiny before the Dark One regains power and takes over all of the Enchanted Forest?

@welllpthisishappening completed All Was Golden In the Sky. Rated M. Artwork by @resident-of-storybrooke. Chapter artwork by @distant-rose and extra artwork by @optomisticgirl can be found on Laura’s blog posts.

Magic is dying.

Emma knows it. She can feel it, the emptiness rattling around in her, like it’s trying to make sure she disappears as well. What she doesn’t know is what to do about it, because, suddenly, there is a man in Storybrooke claiming she’s the Savior and a seeress certain a prophecy promises the same and the last thing she expects is for her minimal amount of lingering power to pull her away.

To New York City.

And another oddly familiar man with blue eyes and a smile that sinks under her skin and makes magic bloom in the air around her. Things are about to get interesting.

And finally, we had original art post from @djlbg.

WOW!!! I mean… WOW!!! What a MONTH!!! We had 4 fics complete, 2 updates from last years event, original art, and all the other updates in between!!! I’m so thankful to be a part of such a talented and prolific fandom!!! Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for your participation and enthusiasm!! I can’t wait to do this again next year!!!

Which brings me to the VERY IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT!!! CSSNS 2020 is a GOOOOO!!!!! We’ve had a tremendous response for the past two years and so we’ll do it for one more year. So for those of you who have participated either year and want to do it again, for those of you who just recently joined the fandom, or for those of you who, like me, have just started writing or arting, start thinking about what you might like to do next year. Signups will open in late January and I can’t wait to see what everyone comes up with!! So spread the word!!! Any questions, be sure to send us an ask, or you can contact me directly at @kmomof4.

I’ll be back in November with the monthly roundup for October. Until then y’all!

#cssns #monthly roundup #September #September roundup #cssns2020 #is a goooo #I can't wait!!!

[hellokendrabeckett]

Mark One

I don’t even know how to write a book, blog, let alone a letter. I just need a place to come to share how I feel about some of the boys/men that have come and gone in my life. I feel like true closure is needed but the toxicity rooted in texting these guys would lead me down a path, I’ve worked a long time to escape. For the sake of my sanity, I’ve come back to Tumblr, to let it all go and maybe help one of you who wander onto this blog. My name is Kendra Beckett, I’m happily married now at a pretty ripe age of 21.  Yet, the ghosts of boyfriends past do still haunt me from time to time, so in the efforts to get rid of these burdens, i’ve taken on a creative approach to release... writing (in addition to prayer). 

Hmm...so I’ll start with saying that if you’re a Marvel fan you’ll soon figure out the name of this lover. It couldn’t be easier to decode, really. I pray I don’t have lawsuits in line after pressing post on this one but let’s be honest, he’s not reading this. I’m not sure he ever read anything outside of DMs and text messages, all of which can’t be found here. So... I think i’m safe. His name for the sake of this is going to be Mark One. The irony in Mark One being the alias for one of my favorite superheroes but also one that reflects his name (and his somewhat villainous role in my life) works out well. 

Mark One wasn’t supposed to happen, like all love, it kinda just did. I honestly don’t even remember how we met, I just remember how fast I fell. It was my Junior year and well, I had, well, have a thing for football players. He was one of the many that caught my eye. He was able to capture my attention, even if I couldn’t keep his.  

He was about 5′7 and had an olive colored skin that was so soft to touch despite his rough persona. He sported broad shoulders, a perfect smile, and an edge-up that was never neglected. He smelled of all the greatest things, and not overly pungent like the colognes in the store but just enough to keep you wanting more. His spirit was electrifying, his gaze could stop you in your tracks. His mysteriousness made you want to explore all of his depth- and I did.

He didn’t come from wealth, and he definitely wasn’t the brightest, but when he smiled he lit up my world. He showed me his humble beginnings and his family accepted me like one of their own. His house was always warm, running rampant with kids and smells of fresh laundry. He slept on a mattress in the corner of his living room, a great contrast to the gated community I was living in. He always wrapped his arms around me and told me all the things he loved about me. He helped me escape, let me cry, taught me things and funny enough, he taught me how to tie the laces of my sneakers because evidently I was “choking” my Nikes. He was patient with me, he adored me, and above all I knew that he loved me. Though there was all of this good, he came with his fair share of bad too. 

He’d convince me to do things that my parents would have killed me for. It was with him that I sneaked out to spend nights in random motels, go to drug heavy parties, and ride passenger in street races. He was adventurous, often incredibly dangerous but I loved these thrills that came with being with him. Despite all the danger, I never truly felt fear because he had a way of making me feel safe. I guess love helps paint narratives that seldom align with reality. I spent so many nights on the ground waiting for the cops to move from our view, so we could sneak back to safety after being somewhere we shouldn’t have been or playing fugitive in a private area. Nights with him felt free even if us getting caught would cost me my admittance to the colleges I dreamt up, my living situation with my cousin, or whatever other privileges I had my eyes set on. He was fun, and I was in love.

My parents hated him because he’d alway smell of the previous nights adventure, or the frequently hotboxed Pontiac he drove. But I loved him and there was no way that anyone was keeping me from him. I spent all my money on him, dressed him in the finest things a young teenager could afford. Any trip I went on, he had to come too. Mark One was always the plus one, and there was literally nothing anyone could say or do to change how madly infatuated I had become. 

He wasn’t the guy I lost my virginity too but he definitely taught me a thing or two... or a thousand. In fact, he prides himself to this day for being the person who coached me on all that I know. I think that’s weird but to each his own...celebrate what you can. I will say he did teach me a lot and contradicted everything I learned in Sex Ed. He made me so comfortable that we stopped using protection throughout our youthful and seriously crazy relationship. There were so many times I’d be freaking out about the possibility of being pregnant, but he would be rejoicing because he wanted me to have his babies. The dumber and younger version of myself thought this was romantic... yeah I know, I’m embarrassed to even write it but what can I say? Love/Lust is dumb. 

It started off great, random nights and stories I’ll later tell my daughter but it ended bitter because with him I experienced my first serious heartbreak. These pregnancy scares weren’t rare, in fact, I had several. I continue to think that I’m pregnant sometimes when Aunt Flo isn’t exactly on time... but during my most frightening scare, (like 2 months late type of scary) I found out the most heartbreaking news about the boy I gave everything too. When I was gone for not even two days, he couldn’t handle the time he spent without sex... so he messaged one of his exes and well...

He cheated. 

I didn’t find out the decent way, I found out through going through one of his private accounts and seeing the messages there. Me going through his messages was a problem in itself but what I found shook my world. He had no idea about the fact that I was struggling and thinking I was pregnant. Honestly, I was too scared to mention it for fear that he’d just laugh at me after all the times we had thought I was- only for it to be bloating, diet changes, or reaction to my excessive running. But the boy that I chose over my spirituality, the boy who I chose over obeying my parents, remaining loyal to my friends, went on twitter to seek out his ex for sex while I was gone for no longer than 72 hours. You’d think that this would be my lesson to never compromise my morals again but my heartbroken younger self started on a path of self loathing and sabotage. 

In my mind, His actions were telling me I wasn’t even worth the wait of 72 hours. And the worst part of it all was I believed that. I stayed with him even after seeing those messages but the damages and the distrust was so much that our relationship fell a part pretty quickly. 

He followed me to college and we both decided to try and make it work despite not being on the same campus. He was only 10 miles away but history showed that he couldn’t handle distance. The pain of feeling inadequate infiltrated my thinking and the young woman that was meant to enjoy her freshman year in college with presumably the love of her life, spent most of it seeking approval from boys who would never give it. 

I don’t know if it was because I wanted to hurt him too, or because I wanted to feel loved and just desired again, but I started doing the same thing he did to me and laid with so many boys that didn’t respect me- some not even knowing my name. It was a disgusting time for me, seriously. The walks back to my dorm- more than just shameful. It was honestly painful. Seeking and seeking but finding nothing, just boys that were interested in the depth of my body, not my soul/personality.  

These feelings of insecurity and emptiness carried with me throughout  the rest of my romantic life and I’m still trying to escape it. I’m flawed, very flawed. It wasn’t until very recently, perhaps around 6 months into my marriage that I finally wholeheartedly committed to loving and choosing my Husband. With the help of God, some incredible patience and unconditional love on the part of my Husband, I’m doing much better but before I get to the peak.. I’m going to speak on the valley of darkness I wandered through for some time. 

Mark One did some damage, and the wounds were never treated with proper bandage, so my love life twisted and turned... and I ended up with a ton of new burns. 

This was just Mark One. 

#heartbreak #writing #blog #lettinggo #diary #dark #love #younglove #younganddumb #young #writingmytruth #freedom #stories #marked #markedone #jesussaves #this is stupid #will anyone even see this #kendrabeckett #damage #lust #fun #reading #blogger #storiesforlove #lovestories #nonfiction #biography #autobiography #marvel reference

[myfangirllists]

Fanfiction List (USUK)

A compilation of my favorite USUK works!

Completed and uncompleted

Dead Ringer by Fire_Bear

Arthur is having lunch with a co-worker when a couple pass by and tell him he looks exactly like the man an entire art exhibition is based on. Dragged to the gallery, he finds not only some amazing art but also someone he has not seen in years...

Type: One shot

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Keep Quiet by AkaiShinda (orphan_account)

Starting from a prompt. After being saved by a stranger, Arthur is waken by his savior; a young man with an unusual mission in the evenings and who protects him even from himself in a surprisingly natural, tender way. They don't know each other, but Alfred is determined to help him in recovery. After getting to know him slightly better Arthur is dazed to realize, Alfred's personality is the unification of enigmas and on the other side, pure and clear intentions. He can't help but stick around and carefully mend the pieces together... only to find entirely new purposes to live for.

Type: Multi chapters

Status: Incomplete

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The Languages of Love by merakily (fengbi)

Arthur and Alfred first meet as university students in a coffee shop. This is how they came to spend their lives together.

Type: One shot 

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From Me To You by a_forgotten_note

After going through three several years of schooling, Alfred comes to the startling realization that he had no plans after college. Without much else to go for, he enrolls in the military for four years of initial deployment. But Afghanistan becomes very lonely very quick... In hopes of rekindling an old friendship, Alfred writes to his old college roommate. The only question is: will their letters relieve his homesickness, or will it only become worse?

Type: One shot

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A Week in a Hotel by bluekujira

This is a fanfiction I wrote for my friend (zombiepurplefox on tumblr) based off a prompt she sent me!

I apologize for any errors I did go back an edit this but I still might have missed stuff!

Also I changed the prompt slightly. Instead of living together they stay in a hotel together.

The Prompt: 'You live in the apartment above me and your water pipes burst and is flooding into my apartment and you can hear me yelling so you come down to my apartment to see what's going on and witness me standing in my kitchen/bathroom/whatever, holding an umbrella, screaming at the water pouring out of my ceiling and crying because I have no idea what to do and we both just kinda stand there in shock as my stuff gets ruined and you let me crash at your place til my place gets fixed cause you feel bad' (CREDIT TO shittemore on tumblr for this prompt)

Type: Multi chapters

Status: Complete

-

Forever Mine by anon posted at hetalia_kink

Dating a serial killer!AU. Arthur was attacked by a serial killer on the bus on his way home.

Type: Multi chapters

Status: Completed

-

Complicated Shadow by Ellarose C  

The US government's witness protection program has never had a witness die while under its protection. After innocent civilian Arthur Kirkland witnesses a murder ordered by the Vargas mob, will a hero's protection be enough to keep the record clean?

Type: Multi chapters

Status: Completed

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♡ Cuckoo in the Nest by PennyLane

Human AU. Arthur is a famous novelist in hiding from the paparazzi after he is publicly humiliated when he is left standing at the altar. Alfred is the very competent personal assistant hired by Arthur’s agent to keep him hidden and safe while he completes his newest novel, the novel that just might change all their lives. [Previous Spain/England relationship.]

Type: One Shot

-

American in America by Ferrero13 

America, being America, says something he should've known better than to say in his own airport, whereupon he is taken in for questioning and finds it very difficult to explain why this particular nineteen-year-old seems to be as politically active as the President himself.

Type: One Shot

-

Work Your Magic by PixieDust291

Arthur is a wizard who's being forced into an arranged marriage despite his protests. Though, it seems he is saved by a magical Scottish fold named Iggy. With Iggy as his familiar Arthur finds himself not only falling in love with a human but also surrounded by a sea of lies and deception. When nothing else makes sense, what can one believe to be the truth?

Type: Multi chapters

Status: Completed

-

Divination's Greatest Flaw by rae1112

Arthur Kirkland, master of Divination, fancied himself a prophetic matchmaker. His best friends would agree...if only he could make a prophetic match for himself.

Pottertalia.

Type: Two Shot

-

Day One by mandathegreat

“Day One: My name is Arthur Kirkland, and I am currently in Atlanta, Georgia. I am recording myself, and my experiences, because—well, I don’t know. I think it’s the end of the world—“

Arthur and Alfred meet at the end of the world. They are going to have to learn to survive.

USUK Walking Dead AU

Type: One Shot

-

A Proof of Diplomacy by orphan_account 

“If you leave me, I’ll kill you. I could kill you here and now.”

After the war, in his most vulnerable years, Arthur, or Great Britain, is at his most dishonest. He lies to himself more than anyone. Apart from Alfred, the United States, perhaps. He lies when he says that he doesn't believe Alfred's lies and hopes, his beautiful, beautiful lies.

Type: One Shot

-

Standing In Your Heart by amine  

"Arthur had gone from spending the afternoons with his friend to having his magical training increased tenfold. Warlocks would be needed to ensure that Spades maintained the upper hand in the war, and the Kirkland family had a long tradition of powerful magic. Arthur hadn’t complained and had instead thrown himself into his studies so as to be an asset to the new king. His love for the kingdom of his birth demanded it.

More than that, his love for Alfred demanded it."

Type: One Shot

-

Communication is Key by inkwells_writing

Arthur had good friends he supposed.

But right now, Arthur hated them. They were just trying to be nice, but really. They thought he was single, and that he had been single for a very long time. And yes, he had been single for two years before he started dating Alfred, but he was now in a three month-long relationship. A three-month long happy relationship. A three-month long happy, and sadly, secret relationship.

They just had to go and set him up on a bloody blind date. Arthur just had no idea how he was going to tell his boyfriend.

Type: One Shot

-

Hospital Flowers by hoshiko2kokoro  

A firefighter has done more than just save Arthur's life. He's giving him a whole new perspective on life.

Type: Multi chapters

Status: Completed

-

Where The Most Beautiful Roses Grow by fakiagirl  

Arthur moves into a quiet American suburb with the intention of starting a new, calmer chapter of his life. It doesn't take long for him to meet Alfred, one of his new neighbors. Little does he know that this is a place where romance can bloom.

Type: Multi chapters

Status: Completed

-

A Distance of 3000 Miles by fakiagirl  

5000 kilometers; the distance between their two closest shores. A safe distance, close enough that they can see each other occasionally, but far enough away that neither of them will ever get hurt again. Then, one summer, Alfred visits. 

Type: Multi chapters

Status: Completed

-

♡ Starships by PixieDust291  

Blind and held prisoner, Arthur finds himself at the mercy of Alfred, a space pirate with a truly curious crew. Alfred is determined to seduce Arthur, and Arthur fears his resolve won't last. His duty is clear, but so is his desire. As the days tick by Arthur begins to question what loyalty means. He begins to realize that being a prisoner may actually set him free. 

Type: Multi chapters

Status: Completed

-

Look to the Future Now, It's Only Just Begun by Teenage Mouse  

Pottertalia. Arthur and Alfred are paired up to read each other's love fortunes in Divination class. Naturally, they're both too obvlious to realise that the signs are pointing to each other. 

Type: One Shot

-

♡ We'll Meet Again by George deValier  

WW2 AU. London pub owner Arthur Kirkland is driven to distraction by loud, brash American fighter pilot Alfred Jones. Unable to stop it, Arthur finds himself falling for Alfred's charms... just as the pilot is preparing to leave for war. 

Type: Multi chapters

Status: Completed

-

Keep Smiling Through by George deValier   

'We'll Meet Again' mini-sequel. Keep smiling through, just like you always do; 'til the blue skies drive the dark clouds far away! USUK

Type: One Shot

-

♡ Pointblank by worldaccordingtofangirls  

WWII AU: Arthur is a gifted volunteer doctor. Alfred is a bomber pilot. Love strikes us pointblank, right between the eyes, in the most inconvenient of places. The battlefield is no exception.

Type: Multi chapters

Status: Completed

-

Man's Best Friends by Inkblooded Witch  

Monty doesn't consider himself a needy sort of cat. He and his human have an understanding of how things work, and Monty was under the impression that part of this understanding included a 'No Dogs' rule. So he's not best pleased when his human finds a mate that has one of the beasts.

Mostly pet POV, USUK on the side. Experimental slice-of-life style, be nice! :)

Type: One Shot

-

Smart Pranks by SillyKwado  

Alfred and Arthur were famous throughout the school for not getting along. Even though the two history teachers and had to set an example for the students, they still ended up resorting to petty pranks and arguments. For some reason, the two always found something to argue about or a new way to rile the other up. But perhaps there's a deeper meaning to the pranks and insults…

Type: One Shot

#fanfiction recommendation #Fanfic list #usuk #hetalia #yaoi #hetalia: america #hetalia: united kingdom

[tigerheart450]

The Thoughts of a Serial Killer

I want to write this to all my tumblr fans and college kids who may or may not have to do a paper on serial killers. Hopefully you can understand and get something out of this paper. 

Understanding the world around us begins with first understanding the people. Why do people do the things they do, what aspects of society and culture make people do things that originally they wouldn’t. Serial killers are one of those people who can seem like a regular person, who could be one of your friend, a family member, a co-worker or a neighbor that lives down the street.“may also have selected representations of the self to portray to others in particular contexts, or alternate between differing portrayals of identity. Arthur Shawcross (2005) noted that ‘‘to people in general, me as the type of person I am, I can be your worst nightmare, or I could be the man next door.’’  What brought them to that point though, to where they wanted, needed to kill people, not just once but multiple times? Someone who would keep killing if they weren’t stopped, why do they do it? The biggest argument is the concept of nature vs nurture, did they do it because of the way they grew up or is it something that was already there, that they were born with. 

It was brought up of what the FBI said in 2005 of how serial killers choose their victims, which they narrowed down to three things availability, vulnerability and desirability. It is just like with any other hunting predators looking for their prey. There was actually a comparison between serial killers and sharks. It showed that serial killers are just like sharks “ sharks do not attack their prey at random, but stalk specific victims, lurking out of sight. The sharks hang back and observe from a not-too-close, not-too-far base, and hunt strategically. They prefer prey animals that are young and alone, then typically strike from below, and try to attack when no competing sharks are in their territory. Older sharks are stealthier and more successful than younger sharks, indicating that these oceanic predators, like their human counterparts, learn from experience and improve their hunting technique over time.” 

Who or what is a serial killer, exactly? A serial killer is someone who has killed multiple people over a period of time with cool off periods between kills. For example when someone kills a person and then waits, let's say a week, before they find their next victim and then kill them. Serial killers have different categories such as the visionary serial killer, mission-oriented serial killer, or hedonistic serial killer (the majority of serial killers). The hedonistic killers is further broken down into the comfort killers, lust killers and thrill killers. “Not all psychopaths are serial killers, but all serial killers are psychopaths.” Most psychopaths are CEOs, doctors and lawyers, they are “driven, focused, and can have little remorse in their quest for success—but they don’t kill (usually).”

“They define psychopaths as being glib, lacking in remorse, being impulsive, and lacking in empathy, to name just a few characteristics.” There is a difference between being a psychopath and psychotic “the difference is that psychotic serial killers have lost touch with reality, while psychopathic serial killers know exactly what they are doing. ... psychopathy is not a mental illness and can’t be used for an insanity plea in court.” Serial killers know exactly what they are doing and they like it.  They showed in the brain scans of psychopaths that they generally have a missing link or fading link in their brains. The miscommunication seems to happen between the amygdala and the ventromedial prefrontal cortex (vmPFC). The amygdala is involved in the experiencing of emotion, survival instincts, and memory, it’s also responsible for making responses to avoid things that make you unhappy, worry, etc.  While the ventromedial prefrontal cortex is responsible for processing risk and fear. These two parts of the brain, which any normal human being would have to help avoid things that could harm them, yet serial killers don’t feel that fear, they are fearless. “The answer to what causes reduced connectivity in the brain’s emotional system would help answer some of the bigger questions about psychopaths, for example, the question of whether disorder is partially due to social (or other environmental) factors or is primarily genetically based.”

In another study they focused on the DNA and found that 

On the other side of the argument of it being nurture they said “In its early stages, a baby is happy to be passed around from person to person. But at a certain point during the first of life, a baby develops attachment and becomes upset when taken away from its primary caregiver.

That attachment is a baby's first awareness that it's a separate being dependent on other people, Morrison said. Serial killers don't develop that feeling and don't see themselves as part of the world. "Your attachment is not there and attachment is really necessary for developing a full psychology," Morrison said.” It could result from abandonment.

What motivates a serial killer? Is it from trauma from their past? In most accounts I have read they said that most serial killers have been through trauma in their past “Many serial killers are survivors of early childhood trauma of some kind – physical or sexual abuse, family dysfunction, emotionally distant or absent parents. Trauma is the single recurring theme in the biographies of most killers.” A lot of their abuse are from their mothers and they usually get this feeling of abandonment form their mothers not being there or leaving them. “...many serial killers are actually insecure individuals who are compelled to kill due to a morbid fear of rejection. In many cases, the fear of rejection seems to result from having been abandoned by their mother in early childhood.” They are compelled or they have a feeling that they eventually can’t control to kill those that they should love (and strangers) because of a fear of rejection, just like how their mothers abandoned them in their early age.” “Such fear of rejection may compel a fledgling serial killer to want to eliminate any objects of his affections. He may come to believe that by destroying the person he desires prior to entering into a relationship with them, he can eliminate the frightening possibility of being abandoned, humiliated or otherwise hurt by someone he loves, as he was in childhood.” In their case though they tend to have that fear, which drives them to get rid of the possibility of rejection, by killing. Other motivators could be anger, criminal enterprise, financial gain, ideology, power/thrill and sexual based.

 “Many serial killers are survivors of early childhood trauma of some kind – physical or sexual abuse, family dysfunction, emotionally distant or absent parents. Trauma is the single recurring theme in the biographies of most killers.”With that being said there are exceptions like Ted Bundy who didn’t really have any childhood trauma but he did grow up believing his mom was his sister. They then bring up the argument that there can be 100 kids who went through childhood trauma but only one becomes a serial killer but what about the other 99 who didn’t become serial killers which brings us to that serial killers “choose to act on their compulsions.”

Ultimately most serial killers kill because they want to or need to, not all but most. “...regardless of the specific motive(s), most serial killers commit their crimes because they want to. The exception to this would be those few serial killers suffering from a severe mental illness for whom no coherent motive exists.” 

With all things considered, whether it be the abuse from childhood or because of the misconnection in the brain serial killers kill because they want to. I do believe that it does affect them and contributes to that way of thinking and desire to kill but that they use their agency, ability to choose to do this to others. 

Sources:

Bonn, Scott A. “Understanding What Drives Serial Killers.” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, 15 September 2019, https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/wicked-deeds/201909/understanding-what-drives-serial-killers

Brogaard, Berit. “The Making of a Serial Killer.” Psychology Today, Sussex Publishers, 7 December 2012

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-superhuman-mind/201212/the-making-serial-killer

Conray, J Oliver. “What makes a serial killer?” The Guardian, 10 August 2018, https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2018/aug/10/what-makes-a-serial-killer

Harrison, Marissa A., et al. “Female Serial Killers in the United States: Means, Motives, and Makings.” Journal of Forensic Psychiatry & Psychology, vol. 26, no. 3, June 2015, pp. 383–406. EBSCOhost, doi:10.1080/14789949.2015.1007516.

Harrison, Marissa A., et al. “Sex Differences in Serial Killers.” Evolutionary Behavioral Sciences, vol. 13, no. 4, Oct. 2019, pp 295-310. EBSCOhost, doi: 10. 1037/ebs0000157.

Henson, JayneR., and LoreenN. Olson. “The Monster Within: How Male Serial Killers Discursively Manage Their Stigmatized Identities.” Communication Quarterly, vol. 58, no. 3, July 2010, pp. 341–364. EBSCOhost, doi:10.1080/01463373.2010.503176.

Miller, Laurence. “Serial Killers: I. Subtypes, Patterns, and Motives.” Aggression and Violent Behavior, vol. 19, no. 1, Jan. 2014, pp. 1–11. EBSCOhost, doi:10.1016/j.avb.2013.11.002

Nixon, Eli. “10 Chilling Glimpses Into The Minds And Lives Of Serial Killers.” List Verse, 30 August 2019, https://listverse.com/2015/07/23/10-chilling-glimpses-into-the-minds-and-lives-of-serial-killers/

Rogers, Abby. “A Terrifying Glimpse Into The Mind Of A Serial Killer.” Business Insider, Insider Inc, 8 June 2012, https://www.businessinsider.com/12-shocking-and-twisted-facts-about-the-worlds-serial-killers-2012-6

Warf, Barney, and Cynthia Waddell. “Heinous Spaces, Perfidious Places: The Sinister Landscapes of Serial Killers.” Social & Cultural Geography, vol. 3, no. 3, Sept. 2002, pp. 323–345. EBSCOhost, doi:10.1080/1464936022000003550.

#serial killer #thoughts

[imperialsea-a]

ELIZABETH’S IN-DEPTH RP PLOTTING CHEAT-SHEET.

          Want new-and-exciting plots for your character? Long to reach out to more of your followers, but don’t know where to start? Fear not! Fill out this form and give your RP partners both present and future all the of juicy jumping off points they need to help you get your characters acquainted.

          Be sure to tag the players whose characters YOU want more cues to interact with, and repost, don’t reblog! Feel free to add or remove sections as you see fit. Template here.

Mun name: Rem (not that blue-haired anime girl or DN, it’s from my old blog!) OOC Contact: Contact me through the Tumblr IM system or my Discord! My Discord is: imperialsea#1818. Please tell me your URL if you message me there so I know who you are!

Now, onto the heart of the post!

   ♛   Who the heck is my muse, anyway? Elizabeth Eva Alexandria Cross, the only biological daughter of Kaien Cross, her father (a canon vk char), and Eva Liliya Cherie Cross, her mother (an oc muse)! Elizabeth is a vampire hunter by blood like all in her family before her! But, shh! Your character isn't supposed to know that .  .  .  unless they're also a hunter .  .  .  or a perhaps a vampire (since her family from both sides are famous hunters, but even then they don't have to know she's a vamp killer if you don't want them to) .  .  .  or they're some sort of ally to her / the hunters association since she can't just tell anyone her actual work on a whim. Where she's from, the existence of vampires are a secret from most of humanity and it's her job to kill the dangerous people-hurty ones and keep that nice and secret so as to avoid a world war! 'Nothing about her is complicated at all', I say, lying through my teeth like Bethy does to society every day by keeping her job and true lifestyle hidden :'D

Further information below the cut, please take time to read if you’re stuck on what to plot and how Bethy operates!

   ♛   Points of Interest:           - She was born and raised to fight against unruly beasts and composed foes alike. Despite her youth, she's a one-woman powerhouse and is not afraid to take herself down with an opponent if she deems it necessary. She's like the Smash player who hits the fake smash ball to take out an enemy on their last legs, even at the expense of her own life. She'll do it! Except in Smash she'd probably just win the match because she had an extra life and not, you know, not die forever for real in a last grand battle.

          - She's got vamp genes all over the place and is rare among hunters. She's biologically immortal like a Pureblood despite not being a vampire herself and is living testimony of what her predecessors took from Purebloods both by honorable bestowal of blood from the mysterious Hooded Woman, and straight up [insert painting of Jupiter Devouring His Son here]. Her great grandparent is 3k+ years old, her father is 200+ for devouring his own twin-- it's messy as mythology, but anime :'D  She herself is only 18 on default though (19 in K Crossover--), the youngest of her entire bloodline, and she can still be slain in battle even if she is much hardier than a typical human being. She's also sensitive to auras, and capable of sensing vampires.

          - Things characters might notice? She's ghostly pale and kind of looks like she stepped out of The Last Unicorn. She looks cold, sophisticated, and vaguely otherworldly-- she really doesn't radiate the friendliest of vibes unless she's doing something she loves, and the calculated yet seemingly effortless grace of her movements are prominent in and outside of combat. She is descended from an ancient royal line, and those posh, stuffy mannerisms and formal speech pattern live on through her even if the Adrasteian monarchy no longer exists.

          - She truly isn't a trigger-happy person, whatever the title of 'hunter' implies, and keeps a level head in most situations. Sure, Bethy looks as if she could bite someone's head off and can display some seriously threatening flashes of anger, but she's not going to do something rash and will only resort to drawing her weapons in a serious matter. She's here to save lives, maintain peace, and keep order, not disrupt it and set off a war! No pressure on her, right?

         - She is also notably, NOT a high school student, though she may be mistaken for a high school senior or young college student since her age fits the bill. Elizabeth actually graduated from her high school at age sixteen and took to hunting full-time immediately after. She was convinced to slow it down by her grandparents and began preparing for college when her assignment at Cross Academy arrived and, uh, pretty tragically, hasn’t been able to attend any classes due to her work demands. Come to choose between the world and personal fulfillment? Her conscience only let her have one choice; a hunter must hunt.

    ♛   What they’ve been up to recently:           - Work. There's hardly a time when this girl isn't working or planning what to do next, and the workload only grows after the previous president is outed as a dishonorable, self-serving traitor to the hunters. She's seriously injured after trading blows with him and is promptly benched to deal with the fallout and mental agony, but she's back within a year (and in K's crossover? Only six months later!).

          - Having said that, Elizabeth does have days off and will spend them quietly with her friends, or alone with music and a rejuvenating swim.

          - Depending on the time in her life? Her life circumstances vary drastically-- she can go from a young huntress travelling on her own as duty demands, or she can be a mother of five children and trusted right hand of the new hunter president, Zero Kiryuu. She lives for a long time, so she's always up to something! And of course, she's always motivated to fight for a better future. 

   ♛   Where to find them:            - Aside from work, check the beach! Or find her on methods of cross-continental transportation since she travels around the world for her job (she walks whenever possible, so it's rare to see her on a bus, but she’ll begrudgingly take one or a train)! Otherwise, a place like an aquarium, clothing store, or coffee shop, or any place in a city is your best chance.... write w me pls... q-q she is Around Somewhere.

          - If not found in any of those places and your character is someone inside Cross Academy, she can be found there, helping the prefects in some way and is familiar enough with the building to help out new students if they ask.

    ♛   Current Plans:           - Elizabeth is chained to her work as a hunter for as long as she draws breath, or until there is no need for her to end hostile vampires. Her ultimate goal is to keep the world from falling into a repeat, all-out war between vampires and humanity. Her living and family situation might change through the years, but that will always be her primary drive-- she's got an indomitable will.

    ♛   Desired Interactions:           - please ovq

          - In all seriousness, I’m up for pretty much anything. She needs more friends, more enemies, people to protect, people to be protected by, people she looks up to, people who legitimately unnerve her, everything! I just don’t feel comfortable killing her. Elizabeth fought really hard to get her future and deserves to find comfort after her entire childhood-young adult life was spent thinking the only thing of worth she had was her role as a huntress. I do really, really love angst though, so anything else goes, really c:

     ♛   Offered Interactions ( please sit tight for this! it will be divided into multiple sections! ) :           - IF YOUR CHARACTER IS HUMAN:                - She’ll assume your muse is an average civilian until shown otherwise (be it with unusual powers, whacky aura, combat prowess, or prior knowledge from a report or something-- a plot specific thing). Unless they truly know about vampires / work with the Hunters Association, Elizabeth will not be sharing any information about who or what she is without a legitimate reason (such as the human character being bitten by a Pureblood and thus is being turned into a vampire themselves). However, the other party being kept in the dark about vampires can open the door to a more relaxed Elizabeth without her professional, perfectionist mindset. She’s more likely to have a pleasant conversation with humans since they have no part in the hunt-- but in that same vein, she does aim to keep them at a certain distance and not develop a deep emotional bond (but she’s also a lot softer than she looks and acts and tends to care for others quickly, should they get along). It’s a tricky slope .  .  . She’s thawed out and the nicer aspects of her personality are far more prominent, but at the same time, she’s not being entirely genuine. Give her time and she’ll become more open about personal things, just, not her work.

               - Applies to her K Proj. Crossover.  Working with S4, Elizabeth takes some time to adjust, but ultimately loves the organization and the people within it. They’re an exception to her ‘no ties with average humans’ rule because....errr.... they’re not the average human she’s used to protecting and in that verse they’re aware of her occupation and peculiar heritage. She’s not as cold first impressions might suggest and loves Reisi’s weird af team building nights, it’s hard for her to not have a soft spot for them, even as an outsider and unofficial member (as in, she has none of the abilities the Blues have, but she has her natural abilities).

         - IF YOUR CHARACTER IS A HUNTER:                 - Elizabeth is a known figure in hunter society; her great grandfather, grandfather, and aunt were previous heads of the organization and each are still alive at present. So, it probably makes more sense if your hunter character at the very least knows about her-- unless they’re an off-series muse in which case go wild and do what you think is best! I always did like the idea of two vampire hunters chilling together with neither one knowing the other is a fellow hunter until they’re attacked by a vamp and they’re both like ‘Oh!’

               - A simple but always reliable plot idea is two hunters on a joint mission! It’s really important to know that Bethy does not take kindly to poor performance and expects her partner to take whatever assignment they have seriously. If not? Things get tundra-cold really fast-- o-o;; People’s lives are at stake and in her opinion, if a hunter wants to mope or complain about their blood-given obligation, they’re not fit to be hunters in the first place. ‘Can’t do the job? Then finish what you started with me if you have any shred of integrity, and get thee gone’ sort of thing. Otherwise, uh :’D;; she’s highly cooperative and always aims to reach the outcome with the least amount of damage.

               - As a teenager, she attended a hunter-run private academy in Adrasteia for four years. If it’s possible for your muse to attend (as in, they are from a vampire hunter family and can pass the rigorous entrance exams), throw em in for a slightly younger, less stringent Bethy? A national fencing champion at the top of her classes, and great granddaughter to the legendary hellfire headmaster, Elizabeth’s not easily missed! It could be the start to an amicable relationship to carry into future interactions?

        - IF YOUR CHARACTER IS A VAMPIRE:                 - Bluntly put, for vampires, it’s probably better to interact with Elizabeth after Cross Academy has fallen in the large battle that took place there. Her mother is revealed to have been alive and held captive as a vampire, she’s already friends with a hunter/vamp, her two friends turned out to be Purebloods, and ‘oh....my mother and father got together again and now I’ve got a younger vampire brother’ .....and her boyfriend’s half sister is also a vampire who marries the former vamp senate heir..... so...vamps everywhere; she simply accepts them as part of the family. Prior to that, while she isn’t hostile to vampires and certainly has no intention to attack a vamp unjustly, it’s not a place she’s eager to put herself in. Depending on how threatened she feels, she’ll even swallow her pride and keep her head down-- mostly.

               - If your muse is a hunter-turned-vampire, she doesn’t treat them as a vampire, rather, she still sees them as a compatriot, like in the case of Zero Kiryuu. Whether or not your muse received the blood of their keeper is up to you, but in the case that they haven’t-- she’s always there to assist in granting mercy whenever the time comes :’)

       - IF YOUR CHARACTER DOES NOT FIT INTO ANY OF THE ABOVE CATEGORIES / REGARDING OTHER VERSES:                - Please help me find something that works, I’m willing to try! Memes are incredibly helpful! Send one in, the tag is here, and we can go from there!

                  - My currently finished and ready-to-use Crossover Verse is K Proj., which can be read about right here.

      ♛   Current Open Post/s: Linked right here. There's no expiration date to these, and it doesn't matter if another person has replied to one, you are more than welcome to reply to one if it catches your eye at all.

      ♛   Anything else?:  YEAH, wow I am so sorry that got so long. Please note that this post may be updated periodically!

#( blog info. ) #( SUPER LONG but if you're lost on some plotting things and aren't from VK #this should hopefully give you an idea of Elizabeth and her interactions? She's a tough one q - q )