#HE GOES ‘’oh well if I were his son I’d have his accent! I guess I’m not!’’ THATS NOT HOW FUCKING ACCENTS WORK

[a-plethora-of-midnight-roses]

You know how sometimes you just remember something and get pissed

#there’s this fuckin BOOK #that I read in elementary #this kid was accidentally switcherooed at birth in the hospital so he looks nothing like his family #there’s a news segment about how a king is looking for his long lost son who was switcherooed at birth so he’s doing dna tests #and this kid shares traits with that king so he goes in for the blood tests #then he sees a video of that king and hears that the king has a heavy accent #AND THIS FUCKING KID #HE GOES ‘’oh well if I were his son I’d have his accent! I guess I’m not!’’ THATS NOT HOW FUCKING ACCENTS WORK #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #midnight speaks #midnight swears

[legends-live-in-memories]

Of Mice and Men

AYO back with day 5 of biodad!bruce wayne month! lets get it! I’ll leave this up to interpretation on whether this takes place before or after day 1...

Maribat Masterlist   AO3 @maribat-bdbwm 

Word count: 1.4K words

Summary:

“Has it ever occurred to you that the world does not revolve around you?” Was that supposed to be a joke? She sounded closer, probably ten feet away now. “Did you ever think that I might have business here, completely separate from your work?”

“So it’s a coincidence then.”

“Exactly.”

“Not likely.”

The night when Bruce met Sabine

BD!Bruce Wayne Day 5- Stories/Memories

without further ado:

“What do you think you’re doing?”

The words were out before he could even think them over. He was on a mission in Japan, tracking down a Penguin shipment that managed to leave Gotham under his watch. The subject of his question was an anomaly that had been following him since his arrival at the docks. She clung to the shadows, trailing him the entire distance, not breathing a word to him. If she were here to assassinate him, she would have done so. No, she had other motivations in being his tail and the secrecy was grating on his nerves.

“What ever do you mean?” Her voice was small, barely whispered into the night air, but he heard it nonetheless.

“You’re following me. Why?”

“Has it ever occurred to you that the world does not revolve around you?” Was that supposed to be a joke? She sounded closer, probably ten feet away now. “Did you ever think that I might have business here, completely separate from your work?”

“So it’s a coincidence then.”

“Exactly.”

“Not likely.” Coincidences don’t just happen in this line of work. He needed to know more. He needed to keep her talking.

“Don’t believe me?” The humor was evident in her tone.

“No I don’t.”

“Too bad.” And that was the end of the conversation. Bruce kept moving, no longer letting himself get distracted. He would deal with her later. But first, the mission.

“It’s simple, really. I got you to look after me,” the woman beside him said after minutes of silence. He took the opportunity to assess her. The lower half of her face was covered in a dark grey cloth. It blended into her outfit, what looked like a grey kevlar body suit with white and dark pink accents. Bruce didn’t know where she came from, or what she was doing here but he didn’t have time for more questions. She continued to speak, her eyes never meeting his, “and you got me to look after you, and that’s why.”

“You want to use me as cover, in case whatever it is that you’re doing goes south.”

“Exactly.”

“I’d be a lot more helpful if I knew what you were doing.”

“There’s a man… that has something that doesn’t belong to him. It’s my job to retrieve it.” She looked at him with a challenge in her eyes, daring him to ask more. No matter, as long as it doesn’t interfere with his take down of Penguin’s shipment he would agree to work in tandem just for tonight. He let his silence answer her and decided to move to finally initiate his job.

It was easy work and the mystery woman moved in a way that actually impressed him. She used a whip, an unusual pink, but it mattered not when it would thwip and snap like an extension of her arm. She was an expert. Her short stature worked to her advantage, weaving in and out of harm’s way. It was like watching a mouse evade a series of cats and traps. If he were any less of a man he would have been thoroughly distracted watching her.

In no time the cargo was secured and on his hidden jet, ready for deployment. All that was left was to deal with the mystery woman.

Turning to where he left her, he couldn’t understand what he was seeing. There were now two of them. Acting and operating as separate, distinct individuals. Twins? Where has the other one been? Those thoughts didn’t last long however because in a flash of light the two women merged to become one.

Magic.

Of course.

As if she just remembered he was there, she turned to him with mirth in her eyes. He was ready to retract his offer of assistance but he never got the chance.

“Well, I guess this is where we part ways.” She spoke, no room for arguments. In her hand that wasn’t holding her whip sat a rather large talisman. He couldn’t discern what it was but he felt a sense of foreboding wash over him. “I will be seeing you again, I’m sure.”

He moved to intercept her but a cloud of smoke erupted in his face. As it cleared he was left with nothing in his line of sight. Not even a shadow of the woman was left. He was at an impasse with himself. Track her down or return the cargo back to Gotham? Magic users weren’t his forte and he would rather not tangle himself in a situation he did not fully comprehend. But the idea of an unknown, who so easily slipped under his defenses, running loose had him grinding his teeth. Making a mental note to find an excuse to return and stay in the country longer, he set out to Gotham. This wouldn’t be the last time he saw her, he would make sure of it.

Oh how right he was.

Bruce woke with a jolt, remnants of his sleep still lingering on the edges of his mind. The pattering of rain on his window was calming, a natural melody to rouse his sleep-addled brain. He thought back to his dream, his resurfaced memories. He thought back to Sabine and her steel gray eyes that could freeze him in place. Her dry wit and quick-thinking that saved her in a fight more than her skills did. He wasn’t certain back then, even though he was determined to uncover her when they first met that night in Japan, but they would meet again. And again. And Again. So much so that it was only natural that they would come together the way they did. He was still grieving from Talia’s rejection and the news of their seemingly lost son, and she was accepting of their no-strings-attached agreement.

Except there were strings. Their arrangement ended when she found companionship in another man and he was far too willing to give her up at the first opportunity. Love was never on the table between the two of them. But now, about a decade later, Bruce couldn’t help the what if’s and the why not’s. He needed to clear his head.

Untangling himself from his bed sheets, he threw a robe over his shoulders and stepped onto his bedroom balcony. The rain was frigid against his bare skin and the dark clouds casted a shadow over the mid-morning sun. The air was crisp and tasted of the early November chill that would begin to settle over the next few days. He basked in all the sensations, filling his lungs with the taste of the life he’s lived thus far. Memories of another morning, one just like this, began to run free in his mind.

“This will be the last time we meet like this,” warm fingers ran down his chest, an even warmer body pressed into his side. He was almost lulled to sleep by the song of the spring showers that played against the window panes. Her ever soft voice, however, called his attention away from the calls of sleep. “I found someone. Someone I can’t afford to lose.”

“Me too,” he heard himself say. He didn’t know if it was his subconscious calling out to his lost love or reaching for the one so close yet so unreachable.

“It was fun while it lasted.” It was.

“But the real world does not stop for fun.” It doesn’t.

“Maybe in a different life,” he said.

“Maybe in a different time,” she answered. His ear heard more than what was said to him, and her slow speech had overtones not of thought, but of understanding beyond thought. He grabbed for the hand that brushed over his heart and brought them to his lips, kissing the words he would never say into her fingertips.

He never told anyone of his rendezvous with the woman he knew as Sabine. Those meetings were just for him. He wasn’t Batman and he wasn’t Bruce Wayne in those nights. His investigation into her magic went unresolved and he never ran into her outside those encounters. It was a fleeting fling. One that left him with longing and yearning buried so deep even he could pretend it didn’t exist, that it never existed.

How foolish of him.

#maribat #mbdbwm2021 #maribat!biodadbrucewayne2021 #maribat!biodadbrucewaynemonth2021 #maribat!biodadbruce #maribat events #monthly events #brucexsabine really

[holylulusworld]

Shadow of my past lover

Summary: Returning to your hometown is harder than you thought.

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Characters: Sam Winchester

Warnings: angst, mentions of cheating, flirty Dean, cocky Dean, sad reader, heartbreak, mentions of a break-up, a hint of fluff, tension

Divider by  @firefly-graphics​

“How long, Y/N? How long did you hide out there in the middle of nowhere?” Sam wraps you in a hug, almost crushing you. “It’s been too long if you’re asking me.”

“Fifteen years, I think,” looking up at the tall man you can’t hide the smile creep onto your lips. “You grew like a weed, Winchester. If only I knew you would become a hot guy,” you grin, patting your friend’s cheek.

“Dean will freak out,” you frown, and your body goes stiff when Sam, your best friend from childhood, mentions his brother. “Still mad at him? Will you ever tell me what happened back then? One day you just broke up. Everyone couldn’t believe Dean was with that other girl. It was always you and him. I believed you would marry one day.”

“It was a nice dream,” shrugging you give Sam a sad smile. “Dean never told you why he broke up with me after the summer break that year?”

“No,” Sam shakes his head, wondering what could’ve gotten between you and his big brother. “Dean only told mom and dad he’s got a new girlfriend and that you broke up with him,” you scoff, shaking your head. Tears threaten to fall but you push them away.

“Classy, Dean. Not only did he lie, but he also dared to blame me too,” frustrated you kick a stone away, pacing back and front, wringing your hands. Sam remains silent, just gives you time to open up to him.

“Munchkin, what happened back then? We always wondered why you never came over again. Then you moved away with your parents and no one ever saw or heard of you again,” guiltily looking up at Sam you give him a soft pat to his scruffy cheek. “Dean did something stupid – right?”

“I came back, bouncing my legs as I missed your brother so much. Three weeks away from the boy I love were hell to me, Sammy,” you exhale.

“Dean and I, we-“ you bite your lip, looking away to find the right words. “A month before my parents forced me to spend my summer break in France, Dean and I had sex for the first time. He was my first, and we promised there will no one else.”

“I assume one of you broke the promise. And I might sound prejudging but I guess it was my brother,” Sam watches your face fall. “Oh, Y/N.”

“Anyways, we made a promise at the age of sixteen Sam. Young love and crap,” you shrug, eyes dropping to your shoes. “I kept it, you know. There was a cute boy in France. He was charming and well, a French boy. I loved his accent and sense of humor. If not for Dean, I could’ve fallen in love with him.”

“I see,” nodding thoughtfully Sam watches you pace around him. Your hands clutched to your sides you scream in frustration.

“I came back, barely unpacking my stuff as I wanted to meet up with Dean. I climbed up the tree, sneaked into his room but oddly, he wasn’t happy to see me,” sniffing you look at Sam. “I wanted to kiss and hug Dean, but he was distant. I knew, just knew something is off and asked him what happened.”

“I’m so sorry,” helpless Sam must watch you recall that night. He can see the pain flash over your face and wishes he could soothe you. “What happened?”

“Dean said one word – or rather name. Lisa, the new girl. You know the one we caught blowing Brady off behind the gym,” you huff. “Dean said he and that bitch got closer over summer and that she’s better in bed.”

“Ah, you son of a bitch, Dean,” Sam yells. “Sorry mom,” he grumbles, wrapping you in a hug. “That was a dick move, literally.”

“Dean excused his betrayal, you know. He said if I didn’t leave him for three weeks, he would’ve never cheated on me, that bastard,” gritting your teeth you hide your face in Sam’s chest. “I loved him so and he replaced me after not even three weeks.”

“Dean is an ass,” grunting his brother’s name Sam gently runs his hands up and down your back. “He had the perfect girl, the one, by his side. How could he mess up everything for a girl like Lisa?”

“The worst is –  my first time is tainted by his betrayal. Anytime a nice guy wants to go on a date with me, I ask myself – is he a nice guy or like Dean? Does he pretend to like me to get into my pants? Will he leave me after a few dates too.”

“The shadow of your former lover follows you,” nodding, you smile as Sam understands how you feel. “When Ruby cheated on me with that douche at Stanford, something broke inside of me. Jess, she was the one healing me.”

“I heard about your wedding plans, Winchester,” giggling you look up at Sam. “Shame you are off the market.”

“So, you are back in town to do what?” Sam watches you inhale sharply. “Do you want to shoot my brother or beat his ass to hell and back? I’d lend you a hand, you know.”

“Nah, it’s nothing, really. My parents want to renovate our old house. The last renter moved out and they want to sell it or hire it out again,” you explain. “I am here to check on the house and property.”

“I can help you later if you want me to,” holding out his hand Sam smiles when you place your hand into his large palm. He would never tell you so, but when you moved out of town, never looking back, you broke his heart a little too…

“Hello, sweetheart,” Dean opens his arms, waits for you to pounce on him to greet your former boyfriend but all he gets is a frown followed by an annoyed huff. “Sammy said you need help to check on your parent's house. Couldn’t believe you came to town and didn’t greet your favorite Winchester first.”

“My favorite Winchester is Sam, followed by your parents,” you snap at Dean. “I don’t know why you expected me to greet you, Dean. After all, I never was good enough for you anyways,” walking toward your parent’s house, keys pressed to your heart you ignore Dean follows you.

“Y/N, that was a lifetime ago,” grumbling Dean watches you unlock the door with trembling fingers. “I was a stupid boy back then. We both made mistakes and it ended up in a breakup.”

“We both made mistakes?” furious you spin around to glare up at Dean. “When did I make a mistake? While I was yearning for you in France? When I gave you my virginity? Or when I didn’t even unpack my shit to climb up the tree to be with you?”

“When you had something going on with that French douche,” Dean growls. “Did you think I wouldn’t find out you fucked that asshole?” Dean is in your face, breathing heavily, while you try to find your words.

He is not the boy from back then anymore. In front of you stands an angry and aggressive man, a tall and bulky one.

“I did not fuck Pierre! He was nice, yes, but I would’ve never cheated on you, Dean. I took one picture with him, at a fucking museum. It was for his sister, as she didn’t believe him he mate a girl from the US!”

“He had his arm around you. Your best friend Bela showed us more pictures. You had a hot date with him on the beach. That douche had his arm around you on every picture!” Dean talks back.

Slowly losing your patience you drop your bag to fist Dean’s plaid. You don’t give a shit he pants heavily or that you can smell his cologne. 

“My mom took the fucking picture. She asked Pierre to wrap his arm around me. I was never alone with him, Dean. All I could think about was to get back to you – not fuck that boy!” 

“Bela said you fucked that guy!” 

“Bela didn’t say shit, Winchester! She always made stupid jokes. I bet she said I should fuck him or something. Why should my best friend tell you lies about me?” now it’s you who is in Dean’s face. You growl at him, pushing against his chest but unlike the boy from back then, the man in front of you won’t budge. “Damnit, you are too strong. Did you eat too much spinach?”

“I got frustrated over our breakup and started to train,” grunting Dean steps closer, forces you to move toward the door until your back hits the cool wood. “I thought you cheated on me and lied to you. I never was with Lisa before we broke up.”

“I don’t believe a single word leaving your treacherous tongue,” humming Dean watches you pick your bag back up. “Now get the fuck out of my sight.”

“Tongue,” Dean’s lips part to let his tongue swipe over his lower lip. You are engrossed in watching the skilled muscle taste what you longed to have for so long. “I know you always loved my tongue, sweetheart.” Dean husks before he crushes you with his body. His mouth hot against yours he pins your hands above your head. “Happy reunion, baby girl.”

“Get off me,” whining you part your lips to let Dean slip his tongue inside. “D’,” it’s a silent whimper, an unheard plea falling from your lips when Dean claims your soft pillows again.

“Do you know how many times I dreamed of kissing you again? I couldn’t believe I lost you to that French douche,” moaning your name Dean holds you there, pressed against the door, while your mind races and you can’t process Dean believed you cheated on him.

“I never even kissed that boy,” you sniff. “Why did you not ask me? Why hurting me deeply without any proof? Do you know what you did to me that night? You were the first boy I fell in love with, my first everything and you just told me I’m boring in bed and that I can’t compare to Lisa,” you cry, eyes filling with tears. 

“Back then, I tried to hurt you, Y/N. You hurt me, broke my heart,” glaring at Dean you purse your lips, ready to rip him apart. “I wanted to get back on you. I’m sorry.”

You growl, now fighting his hold on your hands you wiggle in his grip, shake your body to break free. 

“You asshole! Anytime a guy asked me out, I got nervous and believed he will think I’m awful at sex. I could never relax in bed with a guy. Most of the time I didn’t cum, too afraid he hates whatever I do.”

“Sweetheart,” nuzzling his face in your neck Dean sighs deeply. “I’m so sorry I ruined sex with other guys for you,” the smirk in his voice tells you otherwise, but you bite your tongue, waiting for your chance to hit his ugly face. (It’s not ugly but you try to convince yourself to hurt Dean.)

“I hate you so much, Winchester! It was your fault I had to move out of town. I cried the whole time, and my parents took the chance to finally move away. Fucking asshole,” Dean holds you pinned to the door, ignores you still fight him. “Lemme go. I need to check on my parents’ house.”

“You know,” a cocky grin on his lips Dean dips his head to roam your body with his eyes, “now that you are back in town, I could make things up to you.”

“How do you want to make up for breaking my heart for nothing? How will you give me back my self-confidence and make me feel like I’m sexy and desirable? There is nothing you can do about it,” you huff, frustrated.

“Sweetheart, I was stupid at the age of sixteen,” Dean admits finally releasing your hands to cup your face with the palms of his hands. “I know that I should’ve talked to you instead of listening to rumors.” 

He leans closer, stopping when his nose bumps into yours. You can see the freckles on his skin, can smell his minty breath but the worst is, you can feel his warm hands on your face, forcing your eyes to flutter shut.

“You broke me,” you whimper when his lips meet yours. With your eyes closed, you try to pretend you are still the kids from back then, but the way Dean kisses you and his rough hands on your skin reminds you he’s a grown man now. A handsome and cocky one.

“Baby girl,” Dean moans against your lips, only breaking the kiss to breathe again. “I broke my own heart by letting you go. I never was with someone I genuinely loved since our breakup. All this time I was with girls meaning nothing to me.”

“What do you want, Dean? It’s been fifteen fucking years,” your heart flutters anytime Dean looks at you, but you steel yourself to resist his natural charm. “We can’t turn back time and kick your ass for being a dick.”

“But,” he grins now, eyes dropping to your chest, “I could be a good former lover and make you cum for all the times you didn’t reach the peak with one of the douches you chose over me.”

“Dean Winchester,” hands-on your hips you glare up at Dean. “Don’t fuck with me! This isn’t funny nor something you can fix with your charm and a cocky grin. You hurt the young girl from back then deeply.”

“I know,” he sighs. “Let me make it up to you.” he pecks your cheek, smirking against your skin when you start to shiver. “I could start with telling you I never fucked Lisa. She was a boring chick, clingy, and had an annoying voice.”

“This doesn’t make me feel better at all,” grinning Dean watches you hide a smirk. “Only as you didn’t fuck her your behavior won’t be forgiven that easily.”

“Did the inquisition already begin?” Dean furrows his brows when Sam jogs toward you and his brother. “I wanted to film every moment, Y/N. Not cool, Munchkin. Restart and I can take some nice pictures.”

“Bitch, get out of my way. I had a nice conversation with Y/N,” hating his brother takes your attention away from him Dean glares at Sam. “Let me just make it up to my girl. I waited years to see her again. Hell, I even stalked her on Twitter, and I hate social media.”

“You should watch the old man try to play candy crush,” Sam smirks when he steps closer. “Give me the keys and I can have a look around while my brother tries to hit on you, Y/N.”

“Looks good,” humming you look around the kitchen. “You should let us check on the pipes, electricity and I could call Bobby to help us check on the roof,” Sam walks around the house, a clipboard in his hands to make notes. “The windows downstairs look good.”

“I will check Y/N’s former room with her,” Dean grasps for your hand to drag you upstairs. “How about you check the basement, Sammy? Take your time,” cursing under your breath you try to keep up with Dean.

“Hey, wait! I’m not that fast, Winchester,” you scold. “Dean!” before you can complain Dean picks you up in bridal style to run upstairs. You would yell at him, but you admire his strength and the way he holds you close to his chest. “Let me down.”

“Never again, sweetheart. Now that I got you back in my arms,” Dean smirks when you start to squirm in his hold, “I’ll never let you out of sight again…”

SPN Forever Tags

@donnaintx

@screechingartisancashbailiff

@fallen-wolf22

@sister-winchesters99

@mogaruke

@the-is13

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@coldmuffinbanditshoe

@suckmyapplejacks

@princesssterek

@lexy586

@notbrooklynsblog

--------------------------------------

Dean/Jensen Forever Tags   

@spnfamily-j2

@supernatural-bellawinchester

@negans-lucille-tblr

@deans-baby-momma

@thefaithfulwriter

@squirrelnotsam

@roonyxx

@underthewrap

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@spn-dean-and-sam-winchester

@butifulsoul125

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@dreaminemz

@akshi8278

@midnightsilver16830

@mrspeacem1nusone

@ria132love

@caligraphee

@the-witch-in-silence

@justanotherwinchester

@multisuperfandom

@jadesupernatural

@psychicforest

@luciathewinchestergirl

@magssteenkamp

@tranquility-or-chaos

@jxackles

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@addictedtofictionalcharacters

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@waywardrose13

@team-free-will-you-idjiot

@myopiamystical​

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@nihilismworld​

@peaches007​ 

@thoughts-and-funnies​

@lyarr24​ 

@givecki​

#Shadow of my past lover #dean winchester #dean winchester x you #dean winchester fanfic #dean winchester SPN #dean winchester x reader #angst #tw: cheating #dean winchester fanfiction #former dean x reader

[mariyekos]

Ishgardian Fangs HC

Inspired by some posts about Ishgardians having fangs (thank you @drachenblood and some twitter folks for the inspiration)... I think it’d be fun to think about how characters react to that. This will have late HW spoilers (and Stormblood for one character I guess, but you meet him in ARR), so be warned! Also this is far longer than I meant it to be, whoops. I’ll cover why they have fangs, how current elezen are influenced by it, how Nidhogg’s eye influences things, and how some of the people we know are impacted by this (Luquelot, Carvallain, Aymeric, Estinien). 

First, there’s why they’d have fangs: Ratatoskr’s Eyes. The heretics we meet in game transform into Aevises/dragon-like creatures. Very dragon-like creatures, to the point that to the uninformed, they wouldn’t appear Spoken/”human” at all. I think some sources say the blood they consume is actually more of a concoction that includes blood rather than pure blood, so this could be part of it. Point is, some dragon blood turns Ishgardian elezen into Aevises because of their relation to the knights who consumed Ratatoskr’s eyes. Which are the source of a dragon’s power. So, HC is that by consuming the eyes without the special concoction, the knights would’ve gained slightly draconic traits. Like extended canines (fangs), longer nails (claws), and some other things that dropped out of the bloodline much more quickly. Fangs stick around forever. Claws die out after a few centuries, though Ishgardians tend to have fewer broken nails than other elezen.

How they would explain this to the people I’m much more “meh” on. They could claim it was part of Halone’s blessing. Try to separate it from the dragons, or try to hide it away. But whatever the case, the original knights who consumed the blood would have definitely looked different, and this change would have been hereditary. For the first few generations, the children of the non-High House surviving knights were told to hide their draconic/Dravanian characteristics as to not draw attention to themselves. But as the children of the High Houses began to have kids of their own (whether bastards or children born in wedlock that simply didn’t inherit the title of Count and went on to be the head of their own houses), more people with fangs and claws started showing up in Ishgard, and they abandoned their attempts to hide. Especially after four of five generations when the children didn’t care so much about the warnings of their founders.

Ishgard has a huge class divide. Nobles stick with nobles, commoners are stuck with commoners. So, I’d imagine the nobles (who are very easy to identify by their fangs, which gives bastards more threat/power because if you’re a commoner with fangs you have to be some important noble’s kid) would generally marry each other. Not talking cousin with cousin, but you know. People with long fangs having kids with people with long fangs. Passing on a high percentage of Ratatoskr-fed blood to their children. So over time the non-nobles, bastards, lesser houses, and people like that would see their offspring have shorter and shorter fangs, even if the fangs never completely blunt back to traditional Wildwood elezen levels, while nobles would keep long fangs.

Implications for Seventh Era/current elezen: Easy class identification, easy Ishgardian identification. Ishgardian elezen in canon are basically just Wildwood elezen who we say are from Ishgard. Identified either by an accent if you HC that (which I do, but irrelevant here), customs/habits/actions, or them plain saying it. In fang-verse, you’d know someone has Ishgardian blood if they have fangs. Wildwood means Gridanian (as does Duskwight, but they’re clearly separate in their own way). Ishgardian elezen are just called Ishgardian elezen. Because Ishgard is traditionally isolationist, even if some of the city elezen went out into Coerthas and spread Ratatoskr-fed blood to the elezen there, they generally stayed out of Gridania/other city states, leading to 99% of elezen with fangs having at least several generations of Ishgardian/Coerthan heritage. 

Going back to what I said above, fang length is an easy way to judge class. Gridanian elezen do not have fangs. Coerthan elezen have minor fangs, very pointed and slightly elongated (all Ishgardian elezen children have to learn not to cut their own lips/tongues accidentally), but nothing super noticeable. Ishgardian elezen commoners’s teeth are just slightly longer/larger, to the point it makes some do double takes. Nobles are definitely longer and larger than the teeth nearby, being the true double-take fangs that could do serious damage if they bit someone. With the High Houses having the most prominent/noticeable fangs of all. The type that definitely go over the other row of teeth.

How this applies to some of the elezen we (the player) know:

First, some minor elezen. Luquelot is the guy in Gridania who works at the chocobo stables. He’s Ishgardian in canon, and so of course here as well. Since chocobos are from the Dravanian Forelands and are a sort of pride of Ishgard, I’d say they’d tend to be more comfortable with Ishgardians because that’s who they’re used to. The fanged elezen. So while the Gridanians tend to be somewhat wary around Luquelot because he’s kind of weird as most Ishgardians are, and he has fangs, the chocobos love him. And they especially love when he smiles. There’s something about the fangs that comforts them. So you’ll notice that Luquelot tends to have his mouth open and his fangs visible when working with the chocobos (particularly jumpy, scared, or injured ones) as that has some sort of calming effect. The Gridanian elezen don’t really get it, since they’d assume fangs mean danger and danger should be scary, but whatever. The chocobos like his fangs. He can smile like he wants. (Which he doesn’t like doing when around other people, because he’s somewhat self conscious of the fangs, but he’ll do whatever it takes to help the chocobos).

Carvallain is, as we know, Count Charlemend de Durendaire’s missing son. So a member of a High House. Thus, his fangs would be very prominent. But his whole thing is that he doesn’t want to go back to Ishgard, and he doesn’t want people to recognize him. Thus while there are two ways I could go with him, I’ll go with this: while later in life he might think back to how his fangs could have been useful/interesting intimidation tools, as of the Seventh Era he no longer has them. Or at least, no one can tell what they once were. Because soon after his ship was attacked and he changed his name, he decided to file them down to look as normal as possible, so that no one could look at him and go “oh Gods, look at those fangs, he has to have Ishgardian noble blood.” Because fangs are distinctly Ishgardian, and fangs that large mean noble. And as a kid (or 14 year old) who’d finally been afforded a chance at freedom, he’d wanted to sever all ties best he could. If he regrets it later in life, well he’s not going to grow a new pair so it’s too late. They’re filed down to normality as best as he could manage it. So what I’ll go with is that current Carvallain just has slightly odd, but not necessarily Ishgarian looking canines. Maybe a little large/sharp, but not so much so that anyone who sees him open his mouth goes “Ishgardian!!!”. (You could also say that’s part of why Charlemald dismisses the rumor that someone like his son was seen roaming around Limsa - yes they look like his son, but his son had beautiful, powerful fangs. This stranger does not.)

Now some of the more prominent elezen (not that Carvallain is unimportant, especially after Stormblood and the Firmament quetst, but eh.)

Aymeric has prominent fangs. Not as much as the high houses. But his father was from a lesser house pledged to House Durendaire, so they have noble blood, and fangs associated with it. When he was born this automatically marked him as being an important bastard. When he was adopted into House Borel, it was both good and bad. For one, he wouldn’t stand out as much among nobles because he had fangs. Conversely, it meant that anyone who knew he was adopted would know he was certainly someone’s bastard, and not just an orphan the Borels picked up, because a legitimate son of a noble would have been picked up by family, and not a childless Viscount/Viscountess. 

Side note now that I’m thinking about it. Ishgardians like showing off their fangs in arguments. Intimidation toward non-Ishgardians. But a sign of class/superiority to other Ishgardians - the bigger your fangs, the more connection you hold to the High Houses, and the more of Halone’s blessing you hold.

Aymeric doesn’t really do that. He doesn’t keep his mouth closed at all times to try to hide his fangs, but he’s not one for flashing them off either. They’re sort of like a reminder that he was not wanted by his father. But he has a habit of starind at them in the mirror, running his tongue over them, wondering when he’ll be able to confront the man who gave them to him.

Estinien has the Coerthan “extended canine” fangs. They’re pointier than Gridanians, they’re a little longer, but if he opened his mouth in a group of Gridanian elezen you wouldn’t immediately be drawn to his mouth unless you specifically looked straight at it, and even then you’d have to compare to the other elezen there to make sure his were in fact longer. (With noble Ishgardians it is very obvious they are longer/abnormal. Coerthan elezen typically give a “are they longer?” question until a comparison is made, in which case they obviously are). Estinien’s are a little thicker than most other Coerthan elezen, but he would stand firmly among or even slightly below the ranks of city-Ishgardian commoners.

He realizes this. He was teased for it while among the Temple Knights. His fangs marked him as less than a commoner, adoption by the previous Azure Dragoon (who was a hyur and thus entirely fangless) irrelevant. Some of the dragoons we meet don’t wear a helmet. Or uh. Heustienne doesn’t. Maenne and Alaimbert do but whatever. Estinien gets a little spiteful about his fangs, and so when he becomes a dragoon wears the helmet with visor down at all times to specifically draw attention to his lack of prominent fangs. You can see three things about him when he’s in his armor. 1) He has fairly light (though not the lightest) skin. 2) He’s about average height. 3) He does not have big fangs. And while the first two don’t matter to most people, that last last one certainly does. That tells you everything you ned to know about him. He is not a noble, and he worked his butt off to get to where he was. It was his own effort, not anyone else’s. 

Since we’ve finally reached Estinien, it’s time to talk about the influence of Nidhogg’s Eye.

I said above that Alberic doesn’t have fangs because he’s a hyur. Except, he kind of does. Not fang-fangs. But by the time he relinquished the Eye, his canines had extended ever so slightly. You might say, but it shouldn’t work like that! He already had teeth, how/why would they get bigger if they’re the ones he already had. And my answer is all of this is because of magic and I want that to be the case so there! They’re not super noticeable at all (as in, no one who looks at him would be able to tell the Eye lengthened them, and new people might think he just has slightly pointier than average teeth for a hyur), but Alberic notices. His canines were completely normal length and near flat-blunt before the eye. But after they got just the slightest bit longer, and just a little pointier. Mostly it made it slightly uncomfortable to close his mouth until he got used to it.

So take Estinien, a Coerthan elezen who has a small but still extant bit of Ratatoskr-fed blood in him, and add in the time spent running around Coerthas with the Eye pre-HW... 

Estinien doesn’t particularly like how his teeth lengthen the longer he has the Eye. He doesn’t care for much of Ishgard’s upper class, and fangs are the most visual sign of that. He’s becoming like them. But he doesn’t concern himself with it too much, mostly just getting annoyed when he accidentally nicks his lip/tongue while still getting used to the increased point of his canines. Other people do notice, and get a little wary. There are the uncomfortable nobles who don’t like how a commoner (or Coerthan) is noticeably looking more noble (again emphasized by his choice to wear the Dragoon helmet as he does, so the only thing you notice about his appearance is his mouth and thus canine length). Then there are those who don’t like how rapidly his teeth are changing, because people are supposed to be born with fangs. Why are his teeth becoming fangs? It’s kind of creepy. 

Then the Nidhogg incident in the Singularity Reactor (post-Thordan fight) happens. And when Estinien is freed from the Eyes... well I have a lot of HCs about what happens to his body anyway. But fang wise, where he’d previously gone from extended-canines to definitely-but-not-amazingly-large-fangs, he’s left with oh-halone-those-are-terrifying-fangs. Like, larger than any living Ishgardian has fangs. Were they alive, they’d be ever-so-slightly larger than Haldrath’s. Or the same size as Haldrath’s when he died, influenced by not only consuming Ratatoskr’s Eyes but also holding Nidhogg’s. Which are larger than the other knights. Point is, post-possesion, Estinien has fang-fangs. Ones that wold do real damage were he ever try to bite something (which is not his thing. He wouldn’t do it unless his arms were bound, his legs trapped to prevent him from jumping/kicking, and no other option available to him. In which case whoever was bitten would get some really deep puncture wounds). Upper being extremely prominent, lower being somewhat prominent (which, given only the noblest of nobles have lowers that could somewhat be considered fangs anymore, means they are a complete an utter oddity and thus extra terrifying). 

At first, it’s really annoying. First, it’s a constant reminder of what Nidhogg did to him, his failures, and his loss of control. Second, it’s uncomfortable. If you look at the dragons in game, they pretty much always have their mouths open because of how large their teeth (and fangs) are. It’s not impossible for Estinien to close his mouth fully, and it’s not as though the fangs stick out of his lips, but they’re long enough it makes it uncomfortable for him to have his lips tightly shut for long period of time. He’s not super self conscious, but he does have some standards, and so this is particularly unpleasant. Physically and mentally because of that discomfort/Nidhogg reminder combo.

It’s relieving leaving Ishgard. Eyes aren’t on him as much. He tends to leave his mouth ever-so-slightly open, enough that an outsider could see the hint of fangs (and when he does encounter people, boy do they do a double take) without putting all of his teeth on display or seeming like a complete weirdo. Sort of like the amount you open your mouth to breathe or sigh. Perfectly acceptable, but slightly odd to be the resting state rather than a closed mouth.

Over time he sort of forgets about it. Gets used to it. It’s not until he catches the Scions staring at him that he remembers and gets a little self-conscious, but decides it’s not that big of a deal. He is who he is. There’s nothing he can do about it (the thought of shaving/grinding his teeth down doesn’t even cross his mind, because fang size is a point of pride in Ishgard and most Ishgardians would be horrified to hear what Carvallain had done. Which is a side fun story, where Estinien gets to Kugane via the Misery and doesn’t realize Carvallain is Ishgardian because his teeth are shaved down whereas Carvallain looks at Estinien and thinks “what in the ever loving f*ck” because nobody should have fangs that big. His crew figures Estinien is some secret Ishgardian noble and that’s why he has big fangs, knowing Ishgardians with fangs is a thing, but as a noble himself Carvallain knows that is not normal and something really odd is going on because the dragoon has a distinctly Coerthan and thus commoner accent and giant fangs why are they on both top and bottom who even HAS bottom true-fangs.). 

People flinch when he grins since it shows off some fangs. It’s still annoying. But that’s their problem for getting scared, not his. He doesn’t like when people point it out. He’d rather no one react. But every once in a while, if someone has really annoyed him, he’ll make a point to yawn or grin very wide to show off his fangs. Only if they’d pushed him hard. Though Nidhogg may have changed him, and though he may hate the permanent reminder, he doesn’t want to allow nidhogg the victory of forever making Estinien upset at his own being. Where Nidhogg may have changed his appearance to damn him, he’ll use it as a tool instead. 

I might go into this more at some point, or proofread it, but for now this post is ridiculously long so I’ll end it here. If you’ve made it to the end, congrats! Thank you for sticking with my spur-of-the-moment rambling about Ishgardians with fangs. Maybe some day I’ll go into other HCs I have about Ishgardian dragon traits. But that’s for later. See ya!

#FFXIV #Carvallain de Gorgagne #Estinien Wyrmblood #Aymeric de Borel #Luquelot #(I started in Gridania and he was my first exposure to Ishgard & honestly I love him. It's been so long since I've seen him I should visit) #Alberic Bale #Headcanons #Ishgardians #HCs #uhhh. i don't make many original posts on tumblr anymore what are my normal tags #Final Fantasy XIV #textpost #read more

[random-fandom1]

I’ve been thinking about this for ages and have just gotten round to writing it. 

Some quick background information before we start. Peter is 27 in this and is dating Bucky who is genetically still 28 - 32 because of the cyro freeze. They’ve been dating for 3 years now and no one knows they’re dating (well, maybe some people know. They live with two assassins so Natasha must know, Wanda must suspect at least and Loki knows because he walked in on them doing the you know once. They had to slave after him for a week to make sure he didn’t tell anyone). 

It’s not like they’re hiding it but are at the same time. Who knows what Steve and Tony would do if they found out their precious little peter was dating one of their closest friends. 

Enjoy!

__________________________________________

The avengers have just finished fighting a villain, some kind of alien or something. Like any other time they’re in a fight, they didn’t all get out unscathed. It’s not too bad this time, Peters just fractured his wrist and dislocated his elbow when swinging around and falling. His dads (and Bucky in secret) insist that he goes to the hospital wing to get it checked on. 

This is how they’ve ended up in this situation.

6:48 pm

“But Jamieeeeeee! I want to do the interview, it’s James Corden. You know how much I love James Corden. My hand and arm are fine!” Peter whines trying to get out from under the scratchy hospital sheets Bucky wrapped him in. Bucky rubs the bridge of his nose, sighing deeply. He loves his boyfriend but he can get really whiney and clingy when he’s doped up on pain killers.

“Doll, you know you have to stay here. We’ll have plenty of times to go on to The Late Late Show in the Future. For now, you have to rest,” he says as a nurse walks into check his vitals, “I’ll be back later Peter, be good for the nurses”. Bucky starts to exit the room, looking back as he reaches the doorway to see his boyfriend chatting away to the nurse with a pout on his face. ‘He’s probably asking her if she can discharge him without his dads knowing’ he thinks to himself. James smiles to himself as he walks down the corridor to the main floors so he can get ready for the interview.

8:34

It was going well. The avengers had just been introduced and had taken their seats on the 3 couches they brought out for them (Couch 1 = Tony, Steve, Natasha and Thor/Couch 2 = Wanda, Vision, Clint and Pietro because he never died/Couch 3 = Bucky, and supposedly Peter.) Tony and Steve were running late but promised they’d make it by 8:45. Traffic must of gotten bad because of all the paparazzi.

Once the audience had stopped cheering and they had all been introduced to the audience, James started off with the obvious question.

“I notice that we are missing a few people. Does anyone know whats happened to the Roger-Stark family?” James asked. Before anyone could answer they heard a voice coming from the back of the audience

“We’re here, we’re here. The Stark-Rogers are here. This one insisted we take him, no matter how much meds he was on. Children am I right?” Came the voice of the one and only Tony Stark-Rogers. Tony walked in front of Steve who was carrying Spiderman who was wrapped in a blanket burrito. They walked to the front where the rest of the crew were sitting, Steve going to the last couch to dump Peter. 

Bucky could feel his emotions swirling around in him. The frustration of Peter not listening to his advice, worry about his boy’s injuries and if they’ve healed properly as well as adoration for how adorable he looked wrapped up, while completely out of it. As Steve puts Peter on the couch, he let out a small ‘oof’ which James had to resist cooing at. Instead, he gives Steve a nod of acknowledgement and returns to surveying the area with a cold, emotionless look on his face, trying to keep up his dangerous, assassin persona.

At least that was what he was trying to do. It was kind of hard to be a murderous assassin when your precious boyfriend is all tired and clinging onto a blanket a mere 3 feet away from you. He tries his hardest to ignore him. He really does. But all hope is lost when Peter starts to slowly shift closer to him, muttering something about the warmth and ‘my bucky bear’. Peter, bless his little drugged out self, slowly and discreetly shimmies over to his boyfriend. All the attention is on the most well known of the avengers at the front so no one notices Peter nuzzle into Bucky’s side. 

“Babe, doll, what are you doing? We’re on live TV.” Bucky whispers, subconsciously wrapping his metal arm around his boy. 

“Oh Jamie, your nice and warm,” Peter says, muffled from where his head is buried in the crook of his neck. Everything blurs out in the background and the only thing Bucky can focus on is Peter. About how his steady breathing is hitting the exposed skin of his neck and how his petite frame is starting to koala hug his own muscular built one. The boy is perfect in his eyes. His boy is perfect. His. He can’t help but to copy his boyfriend and bury his own face into the boy’s neck.

“Bucky, what are you doing back there?” Comes an English accent from somewhere around him. As if on instinct Bucky replies,

“Hugging my boyfriend what does it look like?”

There’s gasps heard around them

Shit! He must have zoned out badly. Bucky looks up from where his face was in Peter’s neck, face a scarlet red and eyes like a deer caught in headlights. Looking around him, he sees a majority of the avengers with their eyes wide open, mouths agape. The crowd aren’t much better. The studio is dead silent. Peter lifts his head slowly, totally dazed, and innocently asks,

“What did I miss Jamie?”

Buckys eyes land on his boyfriends face, momentarily relaxing but quickly his eyes catch the ones of the people in front of them. His best friend and his best friends husband. Peter’s parents.

Gently placing Peter to the side, Bucky stands up with his arms out, as if he were approaching a lion. Steve has a look of shock and hurt on his face while Tony’s is radiating off pure anger. 

“We, I can explain. Stevie just - fuck, Stevie just listen to me. I love h -” 

Before he can finish the sentence Steve is grabbing him by the arm and taking him backstage into a private room.

8:58

“MY SON! MY SON BUCKY! You were telling me about this relationship for months! About how you’ve been seeing someone, someone younger. But you don’t really have a choice now with people your age, you can’t exactly go chasing 102-year-olds who look 30! He’s 27! Buck, how, why, Bucky -” Bucky cuts him off by placing a hand on his shoulder and massaging

“Stevie just shut up,” Bucky still knows how to shut him up when he’s about to have a panic attack, “Look, first I want to say that I’m actually only physically in the 28-32 age range. You are now older than me punk,

“Secondly, I’m sorry. I wish I didn’t feel this way, you have no idea how many nights I wasted trying to convince myself that I didn’t like him. I love him, and he loves me. You know better than most that you can’t control who you love. Peter, god Peter deserves so much better than me but I’m going to stay with him for as long as he’ll have me. I, I just adore him with every cell in my body. He makes me happy, when I see him he just lights up a room. I, I just love him, words can't express how much ”

Steve stays silent for a moment, looking deflated. Like the small, frail boy he was back then. He looks at Bucky and in that look, Bucky knows, knows that he is forgiven, given half the permission he needs, that he still has his best friend.

“Come here Punk,” Bucky says stepping over to Steve and pulling him into a tight embrace.

"Love you Buck"

"Love you too, Stevie"

9:17

Bucky and Steve had been hugging for just over 7 minutes when Tony barges in with Peter groggily walking in behind him. He's still confused on what's going on, why are his dads so angry at him and Bucky?.

"Bucky," Tony starts off, "I give you forgiveness, a roof over your head, I fucking convinced the government that you weren't a threat! And you go ahead and date my SON!" You can see Tony slowly growing more angry by the second. He continues

"I'd have every intention to throw you out if it weren't for the fact that your Steve's best friend and Peters boyfriend. That would hurt them and I dont hurt those who I love, not anymore. So, I'm here to hear out your side of the story because funnily enough, doped up Peter can't really say things that make sense.'" All eyes turn to Bucky as he gulps but nether the less, starts talking

"Tony, and Steve because I didn't tell you the whole story. I'm going to be honest with you guys, yous deserve to know. I want to start of by saying that I am forever grateful for everything yous have ever done to me. I love yous,

"It was 4 years ago, just after I moved into the tower when Peter came up to me. The kid wouldn't shut up. I wanted to be alone, at least that's what I thought I wanted. We slowly became friends. I trusted him with my life. I helped him with school work, he helped me with nightmares. We clicked, we worked. Feelings started to develope after a while and one night when we were studying on his little balcony, he kissed me and I kissed back. We've been dating 3 years now and they've been the best 3 years of my life. I love him, so so much. So please, don't make us break up, I don't think I'd survive without him. He's my light, my star. I want to marry him and start a family, live in a house just outside of New York so its still convenient for spiderman and avengers business. Maybe have a dog and definitely some goats. I want all that with him" Bucky finished with a tear rolling down his cheek. He really hoped Tony would understand, understand that they love each other 

Tony sighs and rubs his forehead. All the gears in his head are turning and he's getting a headache. Tony sighs.

"Well, I guess there's not much I can do. I believe you Bucky, your a good man. I give you my blessing or whatever to date him. Can we go home now" Tony says walking away, talking to no one in particular. Steve chases after him, leaving the boyfriends alone in the studio room. Bucky is grinning like the Cheshire cat, that's not how he expected that to go. There was definitely more shouting in his head. Peter suddenly comes up to him and plonks a kiss right on his lips.

"Well then Bucky Bear, shall we go home?" Peter holds his hand out but instead of taking it, Bucky scoops him up and carries him out of the room.

"Of course doll, anything you want"

#peter parker #winterspider #tony stark #bucky barnes #avengers #superfamily #steve rogers #marvel #cute #stony #james corden

[gottawriteanegoortwo]

Yanois - Second Impressions Can Bring Misfortune

Read Part One here, or check it out on AO3!

Though their first meeting could have gone better, Illinois might be a little fond of the mystery prisoner. Let’s just hope his famous luck doesn’t run out…

Warning: There is an instance of deadnaming under the read-more. It’s accidental, but be mindful if that might cause a little upset. (I promise this doesn’t end on a bad note)

Word Count: 2,448 (sorry, it’s four hand-written pages)

-

After his encounter with the brash prisoner, Illinois found he couldn’t get the other man out of his head. It was hardly an attraction (no, shut up! It wasn’t!), but he accepted that there was a level of interest in the unknown. Perhaps it was the prisoner’s standoffish attitude, or how he seemed utterly disinterested yet keenly focused. He didn’t heckle during the lecture, so he wasn’t there for the sole purpose of causing trouble.

But the question that plagued Illinois was painfully simple: what was the prisoner’s name? He hated how badly he wanted to know. Ah, the curse of the archaeologist - insatiable curiosity! With no starting point, Illinois took inspiration from his work and fetched his laptop to start the research.

Most prisoners were from Texas, but not all. The stranger’s accent suggested he was potentially from New York, so Illinois decided to sieve through articles that made reference to a transferral to a Texan prison first. His abundance of good luck meant that it only took an hour to find a result that was most fitting. The article was several years old and discussed the outcome of a rather tragic case. The information was put to the back of his mind - Warden Murderslaughter always said to never talk about an inmate’s crime unless they bring it up first - as Illinois instead took the important information. The photograph used of the criminal was old, but it matched. Which meant… He had a name! All he had to do was wait until the next time he was set to visit Happy Trails Penitentiary.

-

As luck would have it, he merely had to wait a week. When he wasn’t travelling as part of archaeological trips, Illinois would volunteer two Saturdays a month to teach the inmates. Unlike his history lectures, these consisted of smaller groups of prisoners undertaking a short course on several points in history; which would be rounded off with each prisoner completing a short research project on something that interested them in the course. All he needed was to put his possessions in the room he used for classes, and then he would be free to find the right prisoner if he arrived earlier than usual. The inmates followed a set schedule with minor variations depending on when their work shifts were. He had been volunteering long enough to know when one of the crossover periods would take place. It would be easy to find him!

The rec yard was fruitless, as was the library. But it was upon leaving the chow hall that Illinois spotted the man of the hour. He seemed in a hurry as the prisoner dashed toward the hall.

“Ah! Can I have a moment?” Illinois called out. The tattooed man screeched to a halt, bemused once he realised who wanted his attention. Unfortunately, no one else was around, so it had to be him. 

“Sure. Fine. What?” His eyes didn’t stay on Illinois, but instead darted to the clock.

“I know this is likely a bad time, but I’d like a chance to talk. We got off on the wrong foot last time.” Even Illinois knew it didn’t go well. “Are you free after your shift?”

“U-uh…. Yeah?” Thrown by the turn of events, it appeared the bold prisoner was willing to cooperate. “I know I’d never hear the end of it if my friends heard I refused. They’s is always singing youse’s praises. ‘Sides, second chances is always a good thing, right?” He looked as though he was about to say something else, but decided against it. Regardless, Illinois was elated.

“Excellent! In that case, I’ll be in the classroom just opposite the library until seven this evening. Call by when you’re free. Even if there’s a class going on, sit in on it anyway.” The prisoner nodded and hurried past once he knew he was dismissed. Before the other disappeared into the chow hall, Illinois belatedly realised he should be more polite about this. He guessed the other might be swallowing his pride in accepting the invitation to chat, given their first meeting. The least he could do was show some manners.

“Thank you! I look forward to chatting, █████!”

Whatever progress had been made was instantly thrown aside. The prisoner froze in the doorway. Though his back was to Illinois, the archaeologist could see that the other was rigid. It wasn’t a reaction Illinois associated with hearing one’s own name…. Unless it was a name they didn’t use anymore.

“O-oh my God, I’m so sorry, I had no -” For once, Illinois found himself stammering in a frantic attempt to get an apology out. It was to no avail, as a fistful of his shirt had been grabbed and he was slammed against the wall.

“I don’t know what sorta shit game youse is playing,” the prisoner hissed, “But if youse is gonna act like youse is better than me by being such a sly bitch…. I really wanna beat the shit outta youse, but I don’t wanna get in trouble.”

“Yancy! That’s enough!” The prisoner - Yancy? - dropped Illinois without hesitation and didn’t struggle when two guards rushed over and restrained him. “Bring him into th’ chow hall to calm down. I’ll speak to him in a sec. As fer you…” Yancy was led away by the guards, and it was hard to ignore how withdrawn he seemed compared to minutes earlier. With heavy guilt, Illinois pulled his attention away to finally acknowledge Warden Murderslaughter, who had been the one to stop the disaster in its tracks. His lips were pursed and his arms crossed as he shook his head. “I’m disappointed in you, Illinois. Out of all our volunteers, I thought you would’ve known our most important rule better than anyone else: don’t provoke th’ inmates with topics that are touchy fer ‘em.”

“But I didn’t know -” Illinois’ head turned toward the chow hall’s entrance. “I only wanted to get to know him. I didn’t mean to…”

“Who told you that name?”

“No one?” He looked back at the Warden with confusion. “I read it in an article covering the trial online.” The Warden pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose with a heavy sigh.

“Son… You could’ve saved yourself a whole lotta bother if you’d thought to ask someone here, even over the phone. It isn’t like you to mess up like this.” He put an arm around Illinois’ shoulder and began guiding him toward the staff breakroom. “The name you used is correct, if you go by legal documents or the press, but it’s not the name he goes by. Everyone calls him ‘Yancy’. See, his birth name has links to pretty painful memories that I don’t think he’ll ever recover from, and he’s been striving to prove he’s a better person as ‘Yancy’. So to turn ‘round and use th’ wrong name is like a slap to the face and a surefire way for him to hate you. Now, I know you had good intentions and it was an honest mistake, but you need to be more careful. Next time you see him, give him a good, proper apology. Just know he’s probably gonna be frosty toward ya. I’ll go talk to him and check if he’s okay, let him know you didn't mean to use the wrong name.” The Warden threw a glance over his shoulder with a hint of a smile. “Yancy’s a good kid, despite how he acts sometimes. He’s been through some rough times, but his heart’s stayed in the right place. If he can have a friend outside the prison… I think it’ll do him some good. Now, get yourrself a coffee before you start classes.”

Illinois blinked, genuinely surprised to realise they had arrived. Murderslaughter gave him a hearty slap on the back of the shoulder (Illinois had learned long ago the art of hiding the wince from the strength of such actions) before making his way back to the chow hall.

---

In the chow hall, Yancy was a mess. He sat far away from anyone else who might have been there. A cup of water had been given to him, but it was used more as a stress ball rather than a drink. He didn’t know what to think. How could someone act like they wanted to be a friend, then turn around in the same breath and say something that implied the complete opposite? Why remind him of what he did long ago? The cup was put aside so he could slump across the table with a defeated groan. █████… Was that all he was ever going to be to the outside world? Would the attempts he has made to be a better person forever go unnoticed under the large, looming shadow of his crimes? Then again, prisoners like him were locked away to be forgotten about by the world.

His form tensed the moment he spotted the Warden sitting opposite him. This was it - he was going to be scolded and sent to Solitary, and probably lose other privileges on top of that. How dare Yancy lay a finger on the visitor everyone worshipped!!

But it was nothing like that. Murderslaughter checked if he was okay. They sat in silence for a few moments so Yancy could try and collect himself without anyone else approaching. Then, the Warden praised him for not completely lashing out, but then took time to explain Illinois’ side of things.

“- He’s not like the reporters or anyone else who comes to ‘visit’ you. He was a moron who didn’t ask th’ staff for your name. It seems like he wants to try an’ be friends…. But it’s fine if ya don’t wanna see him today. An’ if you’d rather go lie down instead of working, that’s fine too.

“N-no… I’d rather work. Don’t really wanna be left alone with my thoughts just yet.”

-

Yancy spent the rest of the morning washing dishes. The work wasn’t ‘busy’ enough to keep his mind distracted, but it was labour-intensive and he could work out his frustration on the crockery. By the time he finished his shift and lunch, he returned to his cell with an idea - he needed to get rid of the White Jaguar model. It had to be the source of the blame.

But just like a blasted boomerang, the clay figure kept returning to him in ridiculous manners throughout the afternoon. Yancy dropped it in the trash on the way outside, only to be tapped on the shoulder by another prisoner who thought it was dropped by mistake. Trying to gift it to anyone in the Gang had them refuse - Bam-Bam had initially accepted, but changed his mind when he held the tiny model and handed it back to Yancy with the excuse that it ‘belonged’ to him. He then hid it in the long grass in the rec yard. When no one immediately found it, he went to the bathroom, returned to his cell… And was greeted with the terrifying sight of the White Jaguar sitting on his pillow, staring at him. Overcome with frustration, he decided to simply break it. He threw it at the wall with all his might. Instead of smashing, it ricocheted off the wall and toppled his radio that had been on his bed, before landing neatly on the pillow. Yancy picked it up, he swore there was a look of smugness on the Jaguar’s face, which reminded him of… Wait.

He could simply return it to Illinois and ask him never to speak to Yancy again. It would solve two problems at once.

---

“Come in!” Illinois’ voice was upbeat as he tidied the classroom after a day of workshops. The guilt from earlier had been put aside in favour of professionalism. He did have a reputation to uphold, after all. However, that professionalism immediately slipped the moment he saw who entered.

“Yancy!” The name was blurted out with relief more than pleasantry. Whatever Illinois had been putting into his briefcase was unceremoniously dumped as he gave Yancy his full attention. “Before you say anything…. I want to apologise for this morning. I made the mistake of not checking with the staff what name you prefer to go by. It was careless of me. I know I upset you, and I am truly sorry. You don’t need to forgive me, as I know it’s something that hurt you… But I just want you to know I didn’t mean to use that name, and I’ll never use it again, Yancy.”

Yancy was dumbfounded. No one who deliberately used that name apologised. They never cared that it made him uncomfortable and upset. Emotions stung him for the second time that day, but polar opposites to the anger that had nearly consumed him in the morning.

“I-I, uh… Thanks. For apologising, I mean. Takes balls to admit youse was wrong ‘bout something. But it means a lot that, y’know, youse said sorry. So… If it’s okay with youse, we can consider it forgiven and forgotten.” Yancy looked ill at ease, but Illinois couldn’t blame him. It would be better to find a new topic to talk about before Yancy decided to swiftly dismiss himself. At that moment, Yancy adjusted his stance, drawing Illinois’ attention to his hand.

“Is that the White Jaguar model I gave you?”

Yancy blinked and looked at his hand like he didn’t know it had existed until that very moment. He opened his mouth, only to snap it shut with a quick shake of his head. When he did speak again, there was the faintest hint of a smile.

“Yeah, uh… Had a few people asking ‘bout it, but I don’t remember shit from that talk so… Is it too late to join one of these class things you is doing?” Yancy mentally slapped himself for doing the opposite of what he had intended, but it wasn’t met with a cocky reaction. Instead, Illinois’ face lit up like the Fourth of July and invited Yancy to the desk so they could check if there was a class that would fit neatly into Yancy’s schedule. There was a hint of awkwardness between them, but Illinois was optimistic that this could be the start of a better chapter for them.

However, he did get a little ahead of himself and winked at Yancy just before the prisoner left. Yancy rolled his eyes, but the dismissive look had a trace of amusement in it as he left. Once the door closed, Illinois found himself staring at it for several long moments.

Okay… Maybe there was a bit of an attraction toward Yancy after all.

#yanois #deadname tw #illinois ahwm #ahwm yancy #yancy x illinois #writersofmark #cocky adventurer (Illinois) #dramatic prisoner (Yancy) #(I... Think I'm getting a little better at writing Illinois?)

[littleoddwriter]

Hiya! Do you have some time for a Zsaszmask with their son?(yes, yes, it becomes my guilty pleasure) when Andrew went for a date with his lover. As overprotective parents, they followed him to see what's going on? And guess what, Harley is in the area too to piss them off? Some humor and fluff would be nice. Thanks in advance and have a nice day (P.S: I prepare a little something for you!)

Don't You Trust Me? | Roman Sionis x Victor Zsasz | ZsaszMask

Hey! I've always got time for these, because ngl, I'm pretty invested in this AU too, now. <3 I really hope you enjoy this! :) (P.S.: You are??? That's so sweet, aw, thank you! Can't wait. <3)

summary; see above.

notes; Swearing; Domestic; Kid Fic; Spying on their kid; Overprotective Parents; tiny bit of angst because Roman being Roman, I guess. (Andrew's partner is non-binary, btw. <3)

“Okay, I’m going then, dads. See you later, love you!” Andrew called to his dads from the door.

“Don’t stay out too late, Andrew!” Roman yelled back and got a muffled “I won’t” back, after which he heard the door fall shut.

Sionis stood next to his partner for a moment, frowning. Then he suddenly clasped Victor’s shoulder with such force that it actually startled Zsasz a little, “C’mon, Victor! We’ve got to follow him. Fuck knows what kind of person he is meeting with,” Roman proclaimed, looking determined as ever.

“Uh, no offence, boss, but he’s eighteen. I don’t think we should be following him, right?” Victor responded, looking at Roman.

“What? Of course we need to follow him! It doesn’t fucking matter how old he is. No son of mine meets up with someone I don’t know without supervision.”

“Haven’t you been unsupervised all the time when you went out as a teen?”

“Because my parents didn’t care, Zsasz,” he looked at him incredulously over the rim of his sunglasses, “But we’re caring parents, ‘kay?”

“Yeah, but I doubt my parents would’ve followed me on a date when I was eighteen and they cared, too,” Victor muttered.

“It’s the right thing to do, I know it. So come on! Do you remember where he said he’d go?”

After Victor nodded to affirm that, yes, he remembered that, Roman practically just shoved him out the door, so they could get in the Rolls Royce downstairs in record time. Honestly, Zsasz was still taken by surprise more often than not to find that Roman was the overprotective kind of parent. Not that he was much different; he just tried not to show it too much. He also tried to remind Sionis to do the same, because it’d be more dangerous if people knew that he truly cared so much about their son, but of course his partner disregarded that – although Victor guessed it wasn’t intentional.

“Do you know anything about this person he’s meeting? Because he told me absolutely fucking nothing,” Roman groused, and yeah, it was fair, he hated being left out on anything.

“Well, their name’s Cassidy, they’re nineteen, just started going to Gotham Academy, and Andy met them on the internet first. This would be the first time they actually meet each other as far as I know,” Zsasz responded dutifully.

He was able to really see the different emotions cross Roman’s face as he talked; first a raised eyebrow and an intrigued look; then an impressed nod; and then anger and anxiety, which he now displayed to their fullest. In a way, Victor could understand it, he too felt anxious over Andy meeting up with some rando from the internet, but he trusted him. Didn’t mean he had to be a fan of all this either.

“Has Andy told you those things?” Roman hissed, and for a moment, Victor really didn’t know if he should lie or not.

“Yeah,” he replied, deciding not to lie. It was no use, Sionis would have found out anyway, and then he’d have to deal with the inferno that was his rage and he really didn’t like it aimed at him.

“Fucking fuck!” Roman yelled, clenching his hands into tight fists, the leather squeaking a little, “Why doesn’t he tell me these things, Victor?”

He could only shrug, he didn’t know. Sometimes Andy just didn’t tell him things, and Victor guessed that was just how teens were. He couldn’t remember how he was back then if he was honest.

Roman scoffed, crossed his arms angrily and stayed silent until they’ve arrived near the café Andy would meet up with Cassidy. A public place was always good for such things, although still dangerous – especially in Gotham.

They parked a few streets away in an alleyway, where they’d leave the car and driver and then stay around the café to watch over their son. It was pretty straight-forward.

Across the street from the coffeehouse was an expensive clothes store, which they went into to stay hidden and still be able to see Andrew. As they stood near the shop window, Zsasz was the first to spot Andy sitting outside at one of the small coffee tables, smiling at his phone and looking around, every couple of minutes, respectively.

“Cassidy is late?” Roman asked quietly, looking at Andrew, while he was acting as though he was looking at the blazers they stood in front of.

“Hm, no, Andy’s just early,” Victor replied, a slight smile on his lips.

After a couple of minutes, someone came to stand in front of Andrew and he jumped up immediately, wrapping his arms around them. Must have been Cassidy then. Looking at them like this, Victor wasn’t sure this really was the first time they’ve met, but what the hell did he know anyway?

And then they kissed.

Zsasz could hear Roman’s teeth clank as his mouth snapped shut in an instant. Sure enough, when he looked over to him, he was clenching his jaw, an icy, piercing glare fixed at their son’s- date? Partner? Huh.

“Didn’t you say they met for the first time today?” Sionis asked through clenched teeth.

“That’s what he told me.”

“Does that fucking look like a first meeting?” Roman yelled, causing some people to turn around to look at them in shock – although they averted their gazes very quickly again, after noticing who they were.

“Not really, I’d say, no.”

“How can you be so fucking calm, what the fuck, Victor? What the fuck is wrong with you?”

Zsasz shrugged, “You know how teens are, keeping their first relationship secret for a while and all.”

“I had reason to do that! He doesn’t!”

“Okay, hey, it’s alright. We’ll talk to him later, alright?” Victor tried to get Roman to calm down a little, putting his hands on his shoulders and looking him in the eyes intensely.

Sionis inhaled sharply, taking a few deep breaths and coming back down a little, “Yeah- Yes, ‘kay. We’ll talk to him later. Fine.”

Before Zsasz could say anything else reassuring, an obnoxiously loud, shrill, accented voice rang through the store, “Romy Baby!”

That Harley-Bitch. Great,that was what they both needed now.

Victor could swear that behind his sunglasses, Roman’s eye was twitching because of how irritated he was. And really, he couldn’t blame his partner one bit – he, too, was fucking annoyed by her mere presence.

“Miss Quinn, what a coincidence to meet you here. Right now, no less,” Roman said, his voice strained, just like the all too polite smile on his face. Zsasz hated that Harley caused him to hide like this.

“Well, I was just in the area and saw you through the window! ‘Course I had to come and say Hi, Romy! Oh, and see, Andy Baby is just across the street, too!”

“Which is entirely unrelated, of course.”

“Sure, sure! Is he on a date?” she gasped, “Oh, I should go say Hi to them as well! Maybe I should tell him that his two dads are spying on him. What do you say, Romy?”

“Don’t you fucking dare tell him that, Harley! He’s my son. I’m allowed to look after him.”

“Hmmm, I don’t know. It’s kinda weird of parents to do that. He’s eighteen, baby, let him do his thing in peace, huh? It can fuck’em up pretty bad if you don’t give’em their space, y’know?”

“I am! I fucking am!” Roman was stomping his foot on the ground as he yelled that and in all this time, Victor’s never seen him do that.

Harley just shrugged, waved at them and skipped out of the store and across the street within the blink of an eye, it seemed. Fuck.

Roman was in shock, looking at her going up to Andy, and Victor couldn’t say that he was any less shocked.

“That fucking crazy bitch!” his boss hissed quietly and stalked out of the store, too, Victor coming after him dutifully.

Zsasz felt such deep hatred for this bitch then and there, when they crossed the street and she wasn’t to be seen anywhere. And when they looked over to Andrew, he was looking right back at them. Shit. She set them up.

“Dads?” Andy called for them, frowning.

“Fuck,” they both muttered in unison and walked over.

“Hey, baby, we were just-,” Roman started, but Andrew interrupted him.

“Following me?”

“Well- We were just concerned. Not knowing who you were going to meet and all,” his partner defended himself, and fuck, Victor’s not seen him this- flustered, really, in, well, ever.

“Right. Uh, sorry, anyway. Cassidy, those are my dads. Dads, this is Cassidy, my- uh, partner,” Andy introduced them all to each other, red in the face and shrinking in on himself towards the end, getting increasingly more quiet with each word.

“Nice to meet you both, sirs,” Cassidy said, smiling gently.

“Pleasure’s all ours,” Roman smiled politely, putting on his faked friendly, diplomatic mask in an instant.

“Nice to meet you, too,” Victor just mumbled.

Then they stood there. Roman was staring holes into Andy’s date and Zsasz debated with himself if he shouldn’t just grab him and drag him back to the car, but Andy beat him to it.

“Could you please leave us alone then? Please? I’m fine, really. You don’t need to worry.”

Roman nodded jerkily, “’Kay, we’ll go home. But if anything goes wrong, you call us.”

“Yeah, yeah, don’t worry, dad, I promise!”

That was when Zsasz really did take Roman by his arm and dragged him away before this went on any longer. He couldn’t bear it anymore.

Throughout the car ride, Roman had his arms crossed and was quiet, while he just frowned, pursing his lips. Victor wanted to suggest killing someone to get his mind off things, but he knew it wouldn’t go over very well, so he kept quiet.

Back at home, Roman sat down on his chaise longue, still with his arms crossed, and an even deeper frown on his face. He immediately went to work on making him a Martini. It might not solve anything then, but it usually calmed his nerves a little.

“I’m not a bad father, right?” Roman asked quietly all of a sudden, while Zsasz was still busy preparing his drink.

“No, you’re not,” he replied honestly, pouring the drink into its designated glass.

Then he walked over and gave it to Roman, who nodded in thanks.

“Why doesn’t he trust me then?”

“He does.”

“Really? Because last time I checked, he trusted you with the information of who he was going to meet. Not me!” Roman took a sip of his Martini, sighing shakily after.

“Look, I don’t know why he didn’t tell you, but I swear he trusts you just as much.”

His partner side-eyed him then and took another mouthful of his drink, “I don’t know, Vic. I don’t think he does.”

“Ask him, when he comes home,” Roman full on glared at him then, but Victor just stared back, “You know I’m right. If you want to be sure that he trusts you, ask him.”

“I hate when you make sense,” he muttered, “but fine, I’ll ask him.”

A couple of hours later, Andy finally came home, a happy little smile stuck on his face.

“And I’m back. See? I’m fine, dad,” was his greeting, which didn’t particular amuse Roman.

“Sit down, I need to talk to you,” he said – ordered – instead.

Andrew’s smile vanished pretty instantly, worry clear in his expression. “Okay? What is it?”

“Do you trust me?” Blunt as ever, Roman went straight to business.

Even after all these years, their son wasn’t quite used to it, visibly taken aback by the question, and Victor couldn’t blame him for it.

“Yeah, of course I do. Why?”

“Because you told Victor who you were meeting and I didn’t know anything. Although, granted, you also lied to him about this being your first meeting, so at least there’s that, I suppose.” Now he was just being snappy, which wasn’t anything surprising either, to Victor at least.

“Uh- Shit, sorry. Dad, I didn’t mean to- I meant to tell you, too. I-“

“Then why didn’t you?”

Andy shrunk in on himself, “Because I didn’t want you to forbid me to go. I didn’t lie to papa when I said that I’m meeting them for the first time.”

“You two kissed the second you saw each other! What the fuck, Andrew?”

“We’ve been a couple for a few months now, but only virtually. They’ve only moved here recently to go to the academy. Today was the first chance we had of meeting, I swear. It just felt right.”

Roman didn’t say anything for bit, just breathing heavily through his rage. Victor walked over to him, put his hands on his shoulders and massaged them firmly, helping to ground him. Yelling at Andy wouldn’t do them any good now, either.

“Alright. Fine,” he sighed eventually, brushing his hands through his hair, “Fuck. As long as you’re happy. I trust you to tell us if they do anything that makes you unhappy, so we can deal with it, ‘kay?”

A small smile stretched Andrew’s lips and both Roman and Victor couldn’t help but smile, too.

“Deal. Thanks, dad,” Andy said, got up, walked over and hugged Roman, “I’m really sorry I didn’t tell you. I didn’t want you to feel like this.”

“It’s alright. I promise I won’t follow you on your dates anymore. But I’d like you to keep some of my security nearby.”

“I can work with that,” Andrew chuckled, kissing Roman’s cheek, “I love you, dad.”

Roman kissed Andy’s temple and patted his arm. Then their son let go of him and also came up to Victor to kiss his cheek, “And I love you too, papa.”

“I know, love you too, Andy.”

He may have been eighteen at the time, but he was still their baby, that was for sure. Victor thought they did a pretty good job with him.

#kid fic #roman sionis #roman sionis fanfiction #victor zsasz #victor zsasz fanfiction #zsaszmask #zsaszmask au #zsaszmask fanfic #harley quinn #mlm ship #mlm fanfic #mlm fiction #harley quinn birds of prey #i hope this story makes sense i just wrote it while scratching myself into a mess and even after reading it through i have no idea #hfshskghsk im really sorry

[malfoys-demigod]

One Ticket to Ilvermorny - Draco Malfoy x Reader

Summary: You have been offered to be part of a one year exchange student program at Ilvermorny School of Witchcraft and Wizardry by Hogwarts. As you get comfortable over there, especially with American boys, your childhood best friend and longtime crush Draco Malfoy finds a way to enroll there. 

A/N: The prompt is similar to my other work Exchange Student Pt. 1 and 2 which is a Tim Drake x Reader version. 

Today was one of those frequent nights where you and your family would be invited by the Malfoy family to have dinner at their Manor. You were neighbours with them, making it easy to understand why you and him were best of friends since the beginning of your lives. Your parents were well known and wealthy purebloods and also best of friends with the Lucius and Narcissa. 

Today might have been one of those nights to have casual dinner with them especially right now during the summer, but this time your attention was recently bought in an instant when Dumbledore sent a letter to your Manor a few weeks ago, announcing that he has happily chosen you to represent Hogwarts in their exchange student program. At first you were excited because you’ve never been to America but then you realized that this would mean being away from Draco. You were scared of the idea of returning a year later seeing Draco with a girlfriend you didn’t know about as your friendship with him would get worse from not seeing each other. But your parents saw this as an opportunity to build your responsibility skills and boost the family name. So to experience a once in a lifetime thing, you accepted it. 

Before leaving your manor for Draco’s, you politely asked your parents not to be the one’s to announce your move to Ilvermorny. But somehow, they forgot about it. It had to be you. 

Everything was going alright, Lucius was talking ‘Ministry Business’ to your father, your mother gossiping with Narcissa, and Draco talking to you about how he’s excited to return to Hogwarts with new brooms for the team. Then that’s when Lucius brought school up. “That’s right son, we bought the latest brooms once again for Draco’s Quidditch team. It was no problem of doing that.” 

“Y/N, you have to try out for the team! You promised you’d try out, this is the year! Plus, you’d get to show off our brooms to everyone at school.” Draco begged. 

‘Here it goes. Time to break the news.’ you thought. But before you could say a word, your father spoke for you. “Unfortunately Draco, we just received word from Dumbledore that Y/N will be attending Ilvermorny Witchcraft and Wizardry this upcoming school year as part of the exchange student program.” he said proudly. 

At the same time, the Malfoys go:

Lucius: That’s excellent news! You bring honour to your family as always, Y/N!

Narcissa: Congratulations, Y/N!! We’re always proud of you!!

Draco to you silently: W-what?

Since dinner was done, you and Draco excused yourselves to go outside so you could explain things to him. Draco crossed his arms with a mix of sadness and confusion in his face. “Why didn’t you tell me this?” You placed both your arms on his shoulders with a pleading look, “Draco, believe me. My parents promised that I’d be the ones to announce the news, but I guess they forgot. Look, we were only aware of this for a few weeks-” “Few weeks?! Y/N we’re bloody neighbours! You could have dashed to my doorsteps the minute you found out!” Draco interrupted. You sighed and looked down at the floor, “I just didn’t have the guts to tell you. You know I wanted to decline the offer but my parents thought it would be a good idea for me to go, so I obeyed.” Draco nodded his head, very much understanding the demands of parents similar to his. “I’m going to miss my best friend so much. Promise to owl me? I’ll get us the best owls that can travel from here to America.” You hugged him softly, “I’ll owl you every week, Draco. I promise.” 

5 Months after

As Draco was in his dorm studying for his upcoming potions test, his owl dropped by his window, clutching to your letter. Draco in excitement took the letter and opened it, knowing it was from you as the Owl breathed heavily and rested. 

Dearest Draco, 

Another week, another letter, right? I hope you’re enjoying your weekend like me over here. Remember my newly acquainted friends Andrew and Nathan? They’re driving me to a nearby city called Pittsfield in the Berkshire county. We’re going to Berkshire Museum! They said it’s a museum of art, natural history and ancient civilization. Then we’ll be watching performing arts at the Colonial Theatre. For snacks, we’re going to get some Ben and Jerry’s ice cream for Andrew and I, then some Dunkin’ Doughnuts for Nathan. I hope we end the day by visiting the public library, I mean it’s near Dunkin’ so why not right? How are you over there? I miss you, D. Sending you my hugs.

Sincerely, 

Y/N. 

For the first few months, Draco really enjoyed reading your letters and sending you his. When your friends Andrew and Nathan came into the picture, Draco would look at their names with complete annoyance and a hint of jealousness. One thing he was scared of was losing you to American boys, especially when you wrote to him saying how cute their accents are and how different they act compared to English boys. He had to stop them before one of them would call you his. He wanted you to be his, but he couldn’t do anything since he was all the way here... Maybe if he could ask his father to do something.. maybe transfer him for the remaining year? Draco did not hesitate and write a letter to his father about his idea, hoping he’d allow Draco. 

-- 

“Mr. Malfoy, your student tour guides have just been informed of your arrival. They’ve been cut from their classes to show you around for the remaining few hours till classes end. If you could just take a seat outside my office, they’ll be here soon.” the headmaster said. Draco nodded and nervously sat outside, hoping all goes well. 

As he was looking down at the floor, all he could see were two pairs of shoes in front of him. When he looked up, he assumed they were his tour guides. “Oh my gosh. Don’t tell me you’re Draco Malfoy.” the one in the left said with excitement in his eyes. “I thought you would know, after all you’re the tour guides.” Draco said with confusion. The one in the right rolled his eyes with laughter, “We were rushed with no information about the student we were going to tour, after all you’re the one who arrived school in the middle of the year and in the middle of the day.” 

Draco stood up and extended his hand, “Draco Malfoy, as you obviously know. The two of you are?” The left one shook his hand, “I’m Andrew, and this is my boyfriend Nathan.” the right one now shaking his hand. Draco then realized something, “Wait, you said you weren’t given any information about me. But how did you know my name?” 

Andrew smirked at his boyfriend, “Y/N of course. She talks about you non-stop. We wouldn’t have needed a picture to know what you looked like. She always talks about how soft your platinum blonde hair looks, your gorgeous face, and everything else.” This made Draco blush and scratch the back of his neck. “You know, if you didn’t tell me you were both dating, I would have hexed you both by now. You see, every time she’d owl me, she’d always include you both. I thought one of you would make a move on her soon so me being jealous, had to fly here.” Nathan gave his boyfriend puppy eyes, “AWW he’s totally into her. I KNEW IT!” Both boys grabbed Draco’s arms and ran outside the office, heading to the library, knowing you’d be there since it was a free period for you. 

You were calmingly about to owl another letter to Draco when suddenly you see Andrew and Nathan burst into the library, holding a familiar face in between them. 

Draco. 

Before you could drop your parchment and run, he dashed towards you and pulled you in for a passionate kiss. You were surprised at first, but you kissed him back, not caring about the students watching you. As you pulled away, you gave him the biggest hug you could give with all your energy. “DRACO LUCIUS MALFOY! How in Merlin’s beard are you here?!?” you laughed. 

Draco brushed a stand of hair from your face, smiling, “I missed you, Y/N. I couldn’t survive a year at Hogwarts without you by my side. School isn’t the same without you. MY LIFE isn’t the same without you. I love you, so, so much and I thought either of your friends here would take you away from me. I just couldn’t imagine another guy by your side. I want you to be mine.” You kissed him in the cheek, grinning at him, “I’m yours. Always and forever, Dray.” 

#draco malfoy #draco lucius malfoy #illvermorny #draco malfoy x reader #harry potter #draco malfoy x y/n #draco malfoy x you #draco malfoy oneshot #draco malfoy oneshots #draco malfoy imagines #hogwarts #harry potter x reader #draco malfoy fanfic #cedric diggory x reader #george weasley x reader #fred weasley x reader #ron weasley x reader #slytherin #tom felton #tom felton x reader #harry potter fanfic #harry potter imagines #harry potter oneshots

[cosmic-navel-gazin]

In which I chronicle my Legacy of Kain journey and bridge it with your boy Adam Warlock! (Part 5 of many, and MASSIVE, I MEAN, HUMOUNGOUS SPOILERS for Soul Reaver 2 and the 1970’s Warlock)

Awwwwwwwww yeah we are going there, these compositions are most definitely on purpose.

This is where I realize that my true purpose in this world is to draw and talk about obscure or forgotten works of fiction, and I embrace this destiny. 

Ladies and gents, laughing times are over (not really though), sh*t gets very real again.

I guess it’s a bit late for this but if you have even the slightest interest in checking any of these properties out, do yourself a favor and go experience them first hand. If you just want to see me lose my mind and don’t really care about spoilers then please, proceed.

You know, when I started this little crossover of sorts, I was just having a laugh you know? It was just a cute little thing, I’ll write this one post and maybe I’ll get enough material for a second one and that’s it. THIS IS THE SEVENTH POST (even though it says Part 5). 

Never, and I do mean never in my wildest dreams did I think I would be here one day, talking about having your past and your time-travelling-future selves meet and clash, of seeing your sanctimonious attitude and overall the worst about yourself personified and given free reign to go on bloodthirsty crusades showing off how much of a hypocrite you’ve bee- but wait, I am getting a bit ahead of myself. 

I’ll get there I promise, let’s go back a bit.

Where we last left off, we managed to travel back to an even more distant past than we’ve been before. To the time of the great Vampire Purge, so that Raziel can meet this infamous ancient vampire who knows all the lore and might have the answers we seek on what exactly is causing the corruption of our world.

As we step out into this era of History we notice the fields covered with the Sarafan Order banners, and the impaled corpses and chopped-off heads of vampires. No different no doubt from the kindness vampires showed mankind later when they gained the upper hand during Kain’s 1.000 year old reign. Raziel seems a bit distraught by the sight since he assumed the Sarafan to be virtuous and heroic:

“For all the butchery of Moebius’s crusade, this massacre was somehow more chilling. The killing fields of the Sarafan betrayed a kind of orderly ruthlessness, the cold-blooded righteousness of the true believer.”

“Here at last in the flesh, I beheld my former brothers-in-arms, the warrior-priests of the Sarafan order; their lives devoted solely to the annihilation of the vampire plague. And while I confess I felt a twinge of longing, a pang of grief for what I had believed was my lost virtue, I regarded them now with none of the reverence I formally felt. For I had seen the human face of the vampires, and now I beheld the monstrousness of these men.”

While on the topic of genocidal holy wars, my boy Adam here had a bit of a run with a similar pious little group that goes by the name of Universal Church of Truth, who were going about doing a bit of cleaning throughout the galaxy:

Things don’t go so well:

Interestingly enough, I’ve learned of a deleted cutscene for Soul Reaver 2 that plays out very similarly to Adam’s first encounter with this “holy” order. There was this minor female vampire character that was being hunted down and would be executed by vampire hunters right in front of Raziel.

This scene was probably removed because they knew that almost 20 years later there would be some asshole on the internet trying to compare their games to obscure marvel comics of the 70’s.

But yeah bummer for Adam here, we’re a couple of pages in and he’s already failed to save someone. However, through the power of the Soul Gem, he’s able to retain her soul for a brief moment, letting us know more about these holy inquisitors:

Some of these methods don’t seem that far off from the Sarafan, especially on the twisting of good intentions part, but on a galactic scale:

Aye, a great bunch o’ fellas all around, if you submit and “fit in”:

Damn.

Hush Adam, I’ll get back to your predicament give me a moment. I just want the good people at home to keep both this church and the Magus, the god they worship in mind for later.

Now, back to the game. In the Sarafan Stronghold during the first hour of gameplay, Raziel made comments on the vampire he’s currently seeking while looking at some stained glass depictions:

“So this was the legendary Janos Audron - reputed to have been the most ancient and diabolical vampire to have ever existed. According to folklore, he lived high in the cliffs of Nosgoth’s northern mountains, and preyed mercilessly on the defenseless villagers below. His reign of terror ended when the Sarafan finally hunted him down and tore his throbbing heart from his still-living body. (…) But I wondered - could Janos Audron truly have been as monstrous as depicted here? Or was this merely artistic licence by the Sarafan, who sought to lionize themselves by demonizing their darkest enemy?

Keep these stained glass images in mind, they’ll also be important shortly. Neetheless to say, the hype was very real to meet this Janos Audron.

And as I kept hearing about this gentleman, I thought: “I really love this cast of pricks, where everyone speaks in half truths and is hiding something and has some hidden agenda, but you know, I kind of wish there was some slim ray of hope, of goodness and honor, just some good old plain chivalry and honesty. Maybe this Janos lad won’t be as bad as he was depicted back in the Sarafan Stronghold.” 

It took us a while but we’re finally make it to his retreat.

I really love the entire segment, the hopelessness and feeling of dread while making your way through this place, probably my favourite puzzle area of the game.  I also really love the music and architecture here.

When we do make it to the top, BOY OH BOY were my prayers answered!

Lo and behold, enter Raziel’s new daddy/mentor figure, my man JANOS AUDRON! Proabably the one decent and kind creature I’ve seen yet in these games (if you don’t count helpless human npcs who are just trying to live their lives but are caught in all these wars, slaughter and destruction).

FINALLY an understanding, moderate, compassionate man in the midst of all the lies and deception. I love him! Oh and he has what seems to be a Romanian accent. Maybe a nod to the granddaddy of all vampires: Dracula? I think his design is cool as well, so that helps.

Before we go into huge lore dumps and while on the topic of having a brief father/mentor figure for your protagonist when he’s utterly lost, alone and confused, I thought I’d bridge it with Adam’s own once foster parent, the High Evolutionary:

From the few minutes you get to know these dads they’re very different characters with different backstories and motivations. Janos is this sad lonely old man, the last of the ancient vampires and one who has been keeping himself alive solely for his sense of duty. 

While the High Evolutionary was once a man called Herbert Wyndham who performed an experiment that evolved him into a godlike being. This experience proved to be such an assault on his senses and perceptions that he chose to encase himself in this armour. Like the name suggests he is obsessed with genetic manipulation and tampering of various kinds, it is his life’s ambition. 

Despite his somewhat villainous appearance, he’s never portrayed as such from what little I’ve read, he’s just…a bit creepy. Like, he takes Adam in and is super stoked about adopting him, but he also values him not so much as a person per se as you and me would, but more as one would value an impressivly carved piece of work:

I don’t know, maybe it’s his metal face that doesn’t emote much; his sometimes questionable morality; maybe it’s the fact that Adam was 5 years old at this point, a baby boy, and this pink armoured deity is super hyped about him; there’s something a bit unsettling about this guy. Have some more dubious quotes I’ve stumbled upon:

All in all, I think he did care about him, in his own strange way:

Anyway, what’s important is that these adoptive dads serve a somewhat similar purpose, and that is to push/urge our ”“”“"heroes”“”“” (I say with many quotation marks) into a more benevolant role: to guide them in their messianic mission and save a corrupted world. Basically there to provide a chance for them to be good boys. Up until now their track record leaves much to be desired, and they’ve been quite lost on what they’re supposed to be and do.

Raziel:

“So it’s all true, then - what Kain and Vorador have told me - I really am some kind of unholy vampire messiah…”

Janos:

“Unholy? -no. Messiah… perhaps.”

Raziel:

“I don’t like that word - it smells of martyrdom.”

Janos:

“Raziel, your role in this world’s destiny is more crucial - and more benevolent - than you’ve allowed yourself to believe. Your journey will not be easy - dark powers are allied against you.”

Oh and both dads give their sons their toys (Soul Reaver and Soul Gem):

Back to the meeting with Janos, we finally learn tons of things, both new and others that have been hinted at throughout, namely:

Janos has been living a life of a recluse, alone, on top of the Aerie;

Janos knows of Raziel (some old legend I think) and has been waiting for him to hand him over the Soul Reaver, saying it is the key to save Nosgoth;

The Pillars of Nosgoth were erected by the ancient vampires and they were the rightful guardians. Janos was called to be th 10th guardian, the Keeper of the Reaver;

Over time this ancient race started to die out, with their history slowly being forgotten;

Humanity prospered and since the Pillars choose their guardians from birth and vampires were no longer born, humans were called to be their guardians but were “wholly ignorant of their true purpose.”

The Circle of human guardians is led to believe (by whom we do not yet know) that vampires are a cancer in the world. Janos warns that “with their vampire purge, the members of the Circle have assaulted the very architects of the Pillars they are sworn to protect (…) With every vampire they kill, the humans are slitting their own throats.”

Janos being a cool level-headed guy here when Raziel says he must hate mankind for all the suffering they’ve brought to him:

“They fear what they don’t understand; and they despise what they fear. But no - I do not hate them.”

I find it funny how Raziel asks if humanity should be forgiven for trying to exterminate the vampire kind and doesn’t realize that: one, he himself was exterminating vampires just a couple of moments ago back in SR1; and two, how he is just like how Janos describes humanity to be:

“They don’t understand what they’re doing. They are simply unenlightened… and vulnerable to manipulation.”

Again, this last line, completely unlike a certain blue shambling corpse I know. Not like him AT ALL.

Then, as they head inside, we learn something odd as Janos presents Raziel with the Reaver. You see, the two times Raziel has been close to the Soul Reaver still in its physical form, reality started to bend and distort (I show it off in this previous post). 

When we met Kain and decided not to kill him, he explained that when: “two incarnations of the blade meet in time and space, a paradox is  created, a temporal distortion powerful enough to derail history”

This distortion, or sense of displacement however, is nowhere to be found now when Janos presents the blade to him. Raziel feels nothing and says that “this nothingness is somehow worse…” and to get it away from him.

We learn the Reaver was forged by the same ancient vampire race that erected the Pillars (which we’ve seen hinted at when we explored the land and came accross all sorts of old murals).

But now THIS is when the game first impales me through the heart.

Me and Janos are interrupted by the Sarafan warriors who arrive carrying Moebius’ Staff (which disables vampires to the point of being barely able to move at all).

And of course! OF COURSE! Of course the moment my boy Raziel finds a truly positive influence in his life to guide and enlinghten him, and that was willing to put himself in danger in order to save him… he is axed! HEART RIPPED FROM HIS CHEST!

And by whom you ask? Who would do such a deed and kill my last ray of hope?

WHY, ME! 

TWICE!

“Me” because I was the one to open an entrance to Janos’ up until then impenetrable retreat, and literally me: human Raziel of the Sarafan that lived during this time period and was head inquisitor!

A bit different from what was depicted back at the Sarafan Stronghold, we found several centuries later (putting the same image here again so you don’t have to scroll up to compare, am I swell or what?):

The Sarafan escape with Janos’ heart and the Reaver, while wraith Raziel has a final moment with Janos. 

This part destroys me:

Raziel:

“Forgive me; I’m sorry… I failed you.”

Janos: (gently)

“No, Raziel. Perhaps this was my true purpose - simply to save your life this once.”

Raziel: (distraught)

“While I have taken yours…”

That last bit is probably my favourite line-read in the entire series so far (which is the most impossible thing to choose since there are so many great ones). But I think it’s the overwhelming sadness in Raziel’s voice that makes it memorable, you’ve never seen him feel like this for another creature.

Breaks my stone hardened heart every time I listen to it. And here’s why I think it’s an effective emotional scene, even though we only get a few minutes with Janos before he is murdered - it is because of contrast. Up until now everyone you meet is some degree of a bad or manipulative person, and you don’t really have a true friend or someone to confide in, there’s no one that really brings out the best in Raziel and it sucks because there is potential there.  So when you introduce the apparently only decent and noble person in this god forsaken land and you’re so used to by now suspect and mistrust everyone, it is impactful because he was truth and honesty in a sea of deception and moral relativism. He was my light in the midst of the fog and the one who saw good in me. And right when you’re finally relaxing and getting confortable the game pulls the rug from under you.

Now, while on the topic of having your past and future meet, there was a little something about the meeting between Adam and the Universal Church of Truth that I’ve been saving up until now. If you remember, Adam was interrogating the young woman who was killed by the inquisitors about the church and the god they worship. When suddenly:

Good news is, Adam must’ve taken a left turn somewhere and ended up on the set for “Monty Python’s Life of Brian”, where he learned some latin:

This helped him quickly figure out the Magus’ identity:

Learn your dead tongues kids, you never know when it might come in handy when meeting your time travelling, thousands of years old future-self:

So as you can se, we have a similar self-discovery journey going on but reversed in a way. In Raziel’s case you play as his future self, who time travels back in time, meets his past self and sees what a hypocrite he’s been his entire life. In Adam’s case you follow his present self, who meets the Magus (his future self), who has travelled back in time 5.000 years, in which time he has built his empire. Meeting and confronting said empire/future self, leads Adam to see what a hypocrite he’s been his entire life. You see, both Adam and Raziel have always been their own worst enemy (their own shortcomings and character flaws). So it would be only natural that we get embodiments of the worst in them: Raziel, the human Sarafan Warrior and the Magus, their past and future selves respectively.

Oof, this was a long one, and I’ve reach the character limit. In the next post I’ll elaborate more on their characters and different selves; and we go through the roller-coaster of emotions that is the endgame for both these stories.

Look foward to me losing my mind even further while I go into time travelling, paradox shenanigans… oh, and look foward to happier times with COSMIC SUICIDE! See you in the near future.

#the infinity legacy #legacy of kain #soul reaver 2 #raziel #adam warlock #the magus #marvel comics #marvel cosmic #this post drained my spirit #my fan art

[blishwix]

❝ WE ARE ALL WEARING MASKS. THAT IS WHAT MAKES US INTERESTING ❞

huh, who’s LUKE MITCHELL? no, you’re mistaken, that’s actually JIMBO “WICK” BLISHWICK VI. he is a 35 year old PUREBLOOD wizard who is CEO OF A WIXEN TECH & MEDIA COMPANY. he is known for being CALCULATING, FRAUDULENT, HEDONISTIC, CONCEITED, and AMORAL but also CHARISMATIC, AMBITIOUS, INNOVATIVE, METICULOUS, and PERSONABLE, so that must be why he always reminds me of the song IT’S LONELY AT THE TOP BY BIG BAD VOODOO DADDY and STYLISHLY RIPPED JEANS AND SUEDE SHOES, PURELY AESTHETIC AND MISLEADING SOCIAL MEDIA FEED, NEATLY TRIMMED BEARD AND SANDALWOOD MUSK, HORN RIMMED GLASSES WITH SMUDGES ON THE LENS, MOLESKIN FULL OF ENDLESS CODE AND FUTURE TECH INNOVATIONS, EXTRAVAGANT PENTHOUSE OVERLOOKING THE CITY, WHISKEY STONES AND EMPTY DECANTERS, and CHARMING PERSONABLE SMILES WITH MALICIOUS INTENT HIDDEN UNDERNEATH THE SURFACE. i hear he is aligned with THE DEATH EATERS, so be sure to keep an eye on him.

GENERAL

FULL NAME: Jimbo Dashiel Bartholomew Blishwick VI NICKNAME(S): Wick, Jim, Dash, Bart (yes he legit will go by any of these) AGE/DATE OF BIRTH: 35, 02/16/1994 OCCUPATION: Tech & Media Mogul GENDER: Cis Man PRONOUNS: He/Him/His HOMETOWN: Dallas, Texas CURRENT RESIDENCE: London, I guess ALMA MATTER: Ilvermorny, Horned Serpent BLOOD STATUS: Pureblood

BIOGRAPHY

MEET JIMBO BLISHWICK: THE YOUNG AMERICAN CHANGING THE WIZARDING WORLD ONE STATUS UPDATE AT A TIME. 

I’m not sure exactly what to expect when the invitation comes in. It seems archaic to be communicating over owl. There was even a part of me that thought I should revert to the “email” form which my subject is so fond of. What if the wixen tech mogul’s fondness for typing meant he had poor penmanship? To my delight not only was Mr. Blishwick’s handwriting clear as day, but it came with a gleeful acceptance to be interviewed. So it was on that high note that I made my way to Blishwix HQ in London to meet with the illustrious CEO. What I had expected was some pristine corporate office with dark leather and wood accents, sterile and admittedly cold and disconnected from the world. What I was met with was surprising. Blishwix is anything but old school in its style. Much like the young hip branding that accompanies its many products and services, the corporate HQ of Blishwix is sleek, modern and very accessible. It’s a open space of mostly glass walls, the bull pen dotted with standing desks and stability balls replacing wheeling chairs. Towards the entrance to the main floor there is a food bar, one which changes weekly I’m told. This week it’s a cereal bar, last week it was a sushi bar, the next week it’s expected to be a pho bar. Employees are scattered around it with tablets and laptops, giddily conversing around mouthfuls of rainbow marshmallows and corn flakes. There’s also several corners tucked away with velvet cushions where some team members curl up with headphones and e-readers or handheld video game consoles. Designated comfort zones, the tour guide describes them as. It’s the Blishwix goal to make sure the employees are all comfortable, so whenever they get stressed out or overwhelmed, there’s always a little place they can escape to in order to calm their nerves. In truth, Blishwix looks less like a company and more like an urban hang out for pretty hipsters in crop tops and flannels. Surely the big man on top would have a more professional set up, right? 

Even the display in the bull pen did not prepare me for Jimbo Blishwick’s personal office. It’s one of a few closed off areas to the side of the floor, wide with tall glass walls over looking the bull pen, and predominately empty save for another bean sack, a slim desktop atop a standing desk, and a row of bookcases displaying dozens upon dozens of novels, all of which I can’t place and among the only print media to be found anywhere in Blishwix. “They’re muggle books,” says a voice from behind. When I turn and get a first glance at the figure leaning casually against the glass door to the office, my gut instinct is that this is just another one of those twenty something year olds squeezing stress balls on the work floor. He’s tall, wearing a handmade beanie in a burnt orange color -- One that is, frankly, not a good pair with his golden hair. His neatly trimmed beard and horned rimmed glasses speak of an elegance that doesn’t exactly match the acid wash tattered jeans or the faded t shirt worn under an oversized cream cardigan. The shirt is colorful and bears a phrase that doesn’t come easy to me. Woodstock. Perhaps this is another “muggle thing”. It isn’t until he draws close enough that I recognize the bare footed man. It’s Jimbo Blishwick himself. “Call me Wick,” he easily responds to my surprised expression, knowing full well he wasn’t what I expected. Instead of holding out a hand in a formal handshake and then pulling up a chair for the interview, he engulfs me in a hug and ushers me into the love sack. It’s awkward at first, but eventually I melt into it. It’s just as comfortable as it looks, and their use in the designated comfort zones make more sense to me now. Wick opts to sit crosslegged on the floor, a large coffee in one hand and a bowl of granola balanced on his thighs. He sips the coffee as my eyes wander the space, finding small and interesting little things to ask him about. 

The first thing that draws my attention is a set of crystals sitting on the top of his desk, and when I ask he lets out a howling laugh that echos throughout the office, surely drawing the attention of his hard playing -- and hardly working -- employees beyond the glass walls. “Oh, I had a bit of a headache,” he says with a somewhat amused grin. “My wife said they might help.” The wife in question isn’t some darling stay at home mom you might expect. In Wick’s own words: She’s the reason the “Boss Girl” phrase was invented. Selene Blishwick is as shrewd a business person as her husband is, and perhaps a bit more progressive. As I attempt to shift a bit in the cushion, Wick relays some confidential information about some of their upcoming branding collaborations. Each is more unconventional than the last, and they all have one vital thing in common: Selene Blishwick is the one that found them. I’d go into detail, but Wick swears it would become a marital problem if I spill the big secrets before they’re due to come out. Instead he offers a sly grin and taps a single finger to his lips. “Our little secret, then you can be the cool hip one among your friends who knew all about it before it came out.” An exciting proposition, though I realize that I do need something I can share with the public from this visit, and as Wick’s bowl of dry granola gets emptier I fear I’m running out of time. So I set out to do what I’d planned: a profile on the CEO of Wizarding London’s premiere tech company. 

When I ask Wick what was the event that kickstarted his long journey to bringing the wixen world into the 21st Century, he answers in one simple phrase: “A pen pal program.” I was surprised to say the least, but it all became more transparent as I urged him to elaborate. What ensues is a story about the overweight son of a MACUSA politician who was teased and bullied all his life and struggled to maintain platonic connections. “I had no friends,” he says, a sad truth but it comes out with a light and airy laugh. “But I didn’t make it quite easy for people to be my friend.” Despite his laid back and easy going charm, Wick reveals a disabling shyness and insecurity that kept him from engaging with the world. The only one privy to his thoughts and personality was the journal he carried with him wherever he went. “I always thought I sounded better on print than in person. I could be whoever I wanted to be on paper -- Handsome, smart, clever and fun. I just could never bring that outwards, you know?” I think we can all sympathize with the young Blishwick’s plight. It didn’t help that he had quite the shoes to fill. Sixth in his line, the Jimbos that came before the media mogul were all tied to American politics. They’re all charming and ambitious men, but Wick says he just didn’t have it in him to be a lawmaker. “Big Daddy” -- yes, that’s the moniker his father, Jimbo the fifth, goes by -- “He’s just built to be a Senator, I’m just the apple that fell a little too far from that tree.” Secluded and distant, educators began to worry that Wick’s development would be halted by the lack of socialization between him and his peers. So one Ilvermorny professor had suggested Wick be one of a handful of students elected to partake in a cross continental penpal program. “Fabricating friendship,” he called it. What they didn’t know is that the program would lead to a lot more. When I ask him who his first penpal is, if it’s someone he still has direct contact with, he lets another one of those amusing grins slip. “Oh yeah, very much so. I’m actually married to her.” 

A fifth year at Ilvermorny, Wick was matched with a Hogwarts student a handful of years younger than him by the name of Selene Rowle. According to Wick, their correspondence lasted throughout both of their schooling and beyond, until he had taken a chunk out of his trust fund in order to travel to the United Kingdom to meet in person. He says that’s the only time he used his family’s money to get where he is now -- literally using it to transport across the Atlantic. Leaving behind his family’s estate in Texas and the promising job at MACUSA his father had acquired for him, Wick came to London in order to meet his long distance friend for the first time. The only person “who really knew what he was about” he says. I ask if it was for romantic reasons. He thinks about it while he sips his drink. “I guess in hindsight it does seem a little romantic.” Whatever his reasons, Wick came and he never turned back. He said that one of the first times they interacted in person, he and his future bride had lamented on their past communication and the long waits between letters. “We felt like we’d left things off on cliff hangers so often, and you’d have to wait forever just to get some kind of answer to those burning questions the last letter gave you. It was one of the most frustrating things.” The pair wondered what it would have been like if there had been a more instantaneous way to talk with wizards across the globe. After all, Wick had concluded, the muggles did it just fine. During his teen years, the Texan said he had grown very interested in what nonmagical civilization was like. A “No-Maj Studies Class”, as they call the Muggle Studies program in the states, had a unit on the technological advances of the nonmagical community during much of the modern era. The professors tried to teach the students that this was all building towards a very dangerous threat to the magical community: exposure and the fast spreading of information over the internet. Wick saw something different. “As I thought about how I wished I had a better gateway to my penpal during my teen years, I just kept thinking about how muggles had that already figured out. They could instantly send letters to anyone anywhere in the world. No long wait times for traveling owls or anything like that. It was instantaneous.... And why shouldn’t we be like that?” 

It was this very thought that birthed the company the Blishwicks lead now. 

So how do you bring the magical world safely into the 21st Century as dictated by the nonmagical? That was no easy feat. For his part, Wick said he had to learn all about something that didn’t exist in their world, something that didn’t interact well with magic. And how do you study muggle tech without magic interfering? Simple: You “become a muggle”. That’s when I realized there was a book I recognized on his eclectic shelf of reading material. Daisy Hookum’s best seller My Life as a Muggle. It’s the first book on the shelf, in the most pristine condition. A first edition, and it’s even signed by the author herself, though Wick doesn’t remember the meeting. It has a simple message in it: I hope you enjoy the time you spend in the nonmagical world and make memories as fond as my own. “Oh yeah,” he laughs, “I did tell her I was also voluntarily giving up magic in order to help kickstart my company.” He says it with an air of unfamiliarity, like he only vaguely remembers the moment. Still, he presses on with the story. A controversial choice for the son of a self proclaimed “conservative-traditional” pureblood senator, Wick was shortly disowned by the American Blishwicks for his choice to give up his magic for two and a half years to live among the muggles. But it had purpose. “I may have lied my way into an internship with a tech company in Edingbrugh. I was trying to learn as much as I could about this muggle innovation. If I wanted to create something similar for our community, I needed to master their version.” He says it took more than the two years he gave himself to live among them, and he’s still studying it to this day, but after that amount of time he had the ground work he needed to then create his tech and media empire. The biggest obstacle wasn’t even in creating the highly secret magically encrypted network which allows smart phones to be used in the wizarding world. No, for Wick the biggest hurdle to pass over was the longstanding traditional values the community had. “I think there’s an innate fear in not just advancing the community, but in mirroring any sort of progress than the muggles have done. There’s nothing wrong with it, I mean we have adapted enough of their inventions into our own world already so why not take it a step further?” He refers to radio and electric hook ups that appeared in a lot of wixen homes in the past century. 

Blishwix started out small, creating and selling smart phones and desktops primarily with the idea in mind to change the way we communicate. Email was one of those first muggle digital contraptions that made its way into the wixen mainstream and has stayed, but within a short decade the company’s offerings expanded to mirror exactly what the digital world of the muggles looks like now. It’s becoming more and more rare to see wixen without a Loquix* in hand, or a Blishwix desktop at home. The Wixpix social media app, in which users post photos taken from the cameras on their cellular devices and add witty captions which can then be “liked” or “commented” on by users across the globe, continues to grow in popularity. And now the media and tech giant is rolling out a “streaming platform” -- a sort of home theater in the form of an app that catalogues film and television programs created by wixen for wixen. There’s Accio, an application that allows you to ask random questions and receive an answer instantly; Portky** which allows users to request forms of transportation when they desperately need it, including ministry-approved portkeys (or so it claims, we haven’t used it yet here at the Prophet). There’s even applications for those lonely wixen looking to find a love connection. Erised is one such app where user profiles are made with a handful of photos, a small ‘about me’ section, and a few small details that can be provided to prospective dates in order to help connect those with similar interests and hobbies. The married Wick does not have an Erised profile, but his assistant allows me to scroll through her’s and even swipe a few times on other profiles. I accidentally match her to someone she admits she can’t see herself interested in, but we all have a good laugh about it. These are only a few of many “experiences”, as Wick refers to them, offered by the company in order to branch the magical people from across the globe. “What is more beautiful than seeing people from different cultural backgrounds and walks of life coming together and sharing ideas and thoughts so quickly?” I realize as I’m sitting there in that bean cushion, scrolling through a prototype of the next Blishwix tablet that I know so little about the world beyond my little corner of it. I suddenly understand Wick’s enthusiasm about expanded communication. 

It’s all pretty exciting to see coming together, it’s almost impossible to understand what more could be done by Blishwix. So when I ask him what’s next, Wick gets a very eager look in his eyes. “There’s a lot of places we still don’t have our tech in that I think would be all the better for it,” he solemnly reveals, and I’m shocked to hear it. Since visiting Blishwix, I have seen their product seemingly in every corner of Wizarding London I explore daily. Who isn’t using connected to their expansive network at this point? “I would love to do a partnership with the Ministry. As the governing body, I feel like we can offer them so much that could continue to further develop the community and continue progressing us into the future. If we could get our desktops in every Ministry Department, we can further the sort of work that keeps our world moving. Just imagine how we could expand Law Enforcement, Education or Wellfare departments if we can make all the relevant information they need all the more accessible to their employees? Think about how much easier it would be for them to process information on our fast and reliable network.” 

On the topic of Education, Wick reveals his ambitions don’t stop with the Ministry. “I would love to see Blishwix in schools like Hogwarts,” he says, revealing what may be the biggest bombshell yet. “This whole dream started because of a chubby boy who had no friends in school and wanted a faster way to communicate with the one he made far away. I think a lot about that and how my life would have been different had I had this kind of technology available to me. If there are lonely kids like me who could have that, or even kids who are just struggling to get the information they need to be successful in school, and I could give them what they need to advance in life? Then I could say I’ve done what I initially set out to do. Until that day, I would say that Blishwix hasn’t been a success yet. Even teachers could benefit from the use of the internet and all the resources we have out there which we now have access to.” I begin to wonder if the technological genius is actually more of a philanthropist. “I don’t know, you tell me,” he quips when I muse out loud. Our interview comes to a halt by this point, and I’m left with so many more questions. What is Blishwix cooking up for the wizarding world next? What kind of innovations will define the company’s next decade? These, and so many more, questions are left unanswered as I walk out of Blishwix HQ, a takeaway bowl of fruity cereal in one hand and my previous generation Loquix in the other (scrolling through shopping apps in order to find that “love sack” I spent much of the afternoon lounging in).

The same day I begin writing this piece out, Blishwix has announced the Loquix VI, their most advance smartphone yet. They livestream details of their upgraded OS and hardware reveal on the company’s social media, an event I watch while typing this article up on my worn out typewriter. Halfway through and I’m out of ribbon, and I silently curse myself as I order a new set online. All the while the Blishbook Pro is being revealed on the stream, its sleek wireless keyboard and slim expandable monitor shimmering under the stage lights. I join in with the loud gasps from the shareholders crowding the conference room where the event is being held. The irony of this isn’t lost on me, and as I sit here writing out these last few paragraphs with a quill in my cramped hand I begin to realize exactly why I admire Jimbo Blishwick and his forward thinking. At least he’s not sitting here with ink blotches in obscene places, running to his editor’s office just barely before deadline with a mess of typed and handwritten article. I remember in that moment, drenched in the rain while rushing through the offices of the Prophet, the first line in his owl response to my inquiry for the interview: 

You should have just emailed. 

Touché, Blishwick, touché. 

*Portky app idea comes courtesy of Kim ( @strvngemagics​ ) **Loquix phone name comes courtesy of Vic ( @cfdiggorys​ / @moodyparis​ / @aarlingtons​ ) Both gave permission to use / mention these galaxy brained concepts in the intro and credit for their conception goes to them. Thank you guys so much!!

TL;DR: Wick is full of shit. What can I say? Here’s the ‘Murrican lad who claims to be some hip and cool CEO of a wizarding tech and media company. Okay he’s I guess apple meets zuckerberg. Idk I’m not galaxy brained enough for this afheiahfpea hence the very oddly written bio. Wick’s a pureblood from america who supposedly forsake his family’s purist ways and then decided to create a company modeled after muggle tech in order to “bring the wizarding world into the modern era”. In actuality? He’s a fucking bigot who created a network that he could use to spy on people who may be enemies of the cause. At least that’s how it’s being factored into the DEs. His theme song is “Somebody’s Watching Me” by Rockwell bc he’s always watching you. Gives off this very laid back and down to earth and charming persona just so he can gain your trust and meanwhile he’s leaking your information to the DE and helping them further their agenda. Some extra tidbits not seen above: 

He’s got some daddy issues which are leaking into his parenting. Aka he is not exactly excited to be a father but you wouldn’t know that from his Wixpix feed which feature so many “cute” dad photos with his baby boy. In order for him to become his best self, his dad had to make his life a living hell and he believes that’s how he’s gonna have to handle Zephyr as well. 

He is smart, yes, but he’s not some brilliant innovator like the world thinks he is. His empire is built on stolen material which he simply “adapted” to the magical world. He’s not original, but he is clever. 

He’s not a fighter, clumsy with a wand, had a severe stutter as a kid which made it very hard for him to cast spells etc, so he avoids battle often and instead offers up his company more for espionage for the DEs. He’s better suited to behind the scenes mayhem, and that’s kind of the way he likes it. 

He’s a coward. He’s hiding behind computer screens and tbh if things get really sticky he’s likely to try and sell out the DE in order to save his skin. Has an escape plan to the states if things get really sticky but the likelihood of him succeeding are slim to none. 

He acts very charitable and humble and kind but he’s conceited as hell and he’s a real shady bitch sometimes. Talks shit on everyone behind their backs

He’s had a few affairs here and there despite being married. Even with that, he is in love with his wife and feels a sort of fealty towards her. She’s a very important part to the company, she’s pretty much the brand of it and so he relies on her a lot to help manufacture their image even just as individuals to help the rouse. 

BODY IMAGE TW/EATING DISORDER TW. Wick has some body image issues due to his past tbh. He got bullied a lot as a kid for being overweight and quiet, his solace was in food and he was a binge eater. As he got a bit older, he made some desperate choices in order to lose weight to gain a slimmer figure. It wasn’t healthy, it landed him in hospital a few times, and eventually he had to meet with nutrition specialists and therapists in order to work out a more healthy mindset on food. He’s still harbors body imagine issues, but he’s learned to be better about it. Still, he maintains a very strict diet and work out regime because he feels his image is one of the most important things about him. He did meet Selene when he was slim and athletic and therefore thinks it’s best he maintain the figure even just out of fear she wouldn’t find him attractive otherwise. 

is any of the stuff he said in this interview true? Idk, idk

Idk, I hate this man and this bio afheuiahfpea I’ll end up rewriting it eventually. 

MISC

SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Bisexual ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: Biromantic LANGUAGES: English FAMILY: Jimbo Dashiel Bartholomew Blishwick V (but they call him “Big Daddy”; father), Cricket Blishwick née Berkeley (mother), Beaufort Harland Blishwick (younger brother), Cora-Lou Blishwick (younger sister), Selene Blishwick née Rowle (wife), Zephyr Blishwick (infant son), and by extension all the fucking Rowles I guess PETS: TBD FACE CLAIM: Luke Mitchell ASTROLOGICAL SIGN: Aquarius MBTI: hm PINTEREST: (coming soon)

WANTED CONNECTIONS

interns - a couple new grunts at the blishwix HQ. they can be any affiliation, but if they are DE affiliated then they’ll know a little bit more about what is going on behind closed doors at the company. could be fun for future plotting purposes. 

co conspirators - other DEs who similarly to wick lead a double life in the public eye. philanthropists, media stars, all sorts of “do gooders” who are banning together in order to break “harmful stigmas and stereotypes and join the wixen community globally”. blishwix mission statement aims to create a platform for wixen of all types across the world to interact free of prejudice and judgement and to bring the magical community into a modern era free of harmful ideologies. of course that’s a fucking lie, so if you play a baddy bad who’s pretending to be goody good then this could be a fun collaboration. 

partnerships - alternatively, let’s see some honest to good people and groups get schemed by these fuckers. this would involve some potential screwing over but no worries, at the end of the day blishwix will tank and then your character can get their sweet revenge on this man and his corrupt business. 

idk hmu with ideas. 

#potterintro #sorry fam no fun doodle this time #bad men don't deserve it #ahfieafea i'm sorry this is kinda lame but i wanted to get something out there to help with plotting

[cedriccullen00]

well...hello then.

-your bella’s older sister (you’re 21)

-you have a baby (he’s 4 months old)

-you came to forks for bella’s wedding to find out you’re emmetts mate.

-you know what the cullens are.

“We’re here Dax! You ready to see grandpa Charlie?” I asked my son as I pulled into the driveway. He let out a giggle and I smiled. “I know, you can’t wait to see him.” I said with a chuckle as I turned the car off. I had Daxton 4 months ago, though dad didn’t exactly love the idea of me being a single mother he supported it. I climbed out of the car and closed the door with my foot, I stepped forward and opened the door on the side Daxton was on. “Hello there cutie.” I said pinching his cheek lightly making him giggle once more. I unbuckled him from the car seat and put my hand under his arms to lift him out. “There’s my favorite boy!” my dad shouted from the house door. I closed the car door as Daxton squealed looking at my dad. I walked to the front door where my dad was, he had a huge smile on my face and I chuckled, he loved Daxton more than himself I think. “Hey there buddy.” Charlie said taking his grandson from my arms. Charlie kissed Daxtons cheek before he comfortably held him. “Hey dad.” I greeted giving him a half hug. “Hey hun.” he whispered kissing my head. I opened the door of the house and held it so he could walk in, I walked in after him to see Bella eating some cereal. “There she is, the bride to be.” I said winking at my littler sister and she made a face. “It sounds weird when you put it that way.” she muttered and I laughed as I walked over to her. I bent down a little and hugged her, she gladly hugged back. We hadn’t seen each other in around a year and it was hard, unlike most sisters Bella and I were close. “Damn, you look so good. I can’t believe you had a baby 4 months ago.” she said as I pulled back from the hug. “Oh c’mon now, you make it sound like I look like a model.” I said rolling my eyes playfully. “You kind of do. Speaking of that little monster give him here!” she said happily opening her arms for our dad to hand him to her. He did, a little reluctantly too. “Hey there little man.” Bella said kissing her nephews head. Daxton took his hand and tangled them in her hair and she chuckled. “He looks completely different from the picture of you and him at the hospital.” she said shaking her head and I nodded. “Yeah I know, he’s grown so much. So, what’s the plan?” I asked as I sat down in the other chair. “Well Alice should be here-,” she started but was cut of by a knock on the door. “Now I guess.” she said and I laughed a little. Charlie walked over to the door and opened it a little. “Hey Alice.” Charlie said and a short girl pushed passed him. “Hey there Charlie. Hey Be-,” she started as she turned to look at us. Her eyes went wide when she saw the baby and she gasped. “Oh my look at the little chunk!” she exclaimed as she quickly walked over to Bella. “Oh can I hold him?” the girl, Alice, asked looking at me. “Of course Dax is a ladies man.” I said and she laughed. “I’m sure he his, look how handsome he is.” she said as she took Daxton from Bella. “Well there goes Aunt Bellas time with him.” she mumbled and I shook my head with a smile. “I’m sorry, I didn’t introduce myself. I’m Alice Cullen, you must be Y/N.” she said and I nodded. “That’s me.” I said with a nod. “Well it’s great to finally meet you. And you to little one,” she said pecking Daxton on the cheek. “I’ve heard so much about you.” she finished and I looked at Bella. “All good I hope.” I whispered causing her and Bella to laugh. “Oh of course. We can talk more while we get Bella ready but we gotta go.” she said and I nodded getting up from my seat. “Can you watch Dax, dad? All of his stuff is in my car.” I said looking at Charlie who nodded. “Of course. You all go ahead.” he said taking Daxton from Alice. Once he was out of her arms Alice grabbed Bella’s hand and ran out to her car. “Call if you need anything.” I said and he nodded.

I watched as Alice and Rosalie worked on my sister, she looked absolutely beautiful to say the least. I hopped off the bathroom counter that I was sitting on and looked at the girls. “I’m gonna go get a snack, you need anything Bells?” I asked looking at my sister and she shook her head ‘no’. “Alright be back in a flash.” I said before turning around and walking out of the bathroom and to the stairs. I slowly went down the stairs careful not to miss one, believe it or not I was way more clumsier than Bella. I jumped off the last step and walk towards the kitchen humming to myself. When I walked in I saw Edward, a blonde boy, and a brunette boy. “Oh...hello. Hope I’m not interrupting anything.” I said quietly as my cheeks warmed up. “Oh no, you aren’t interrupting anything.” the blonde said, he had a deep southern accent that suited him. “Your Y/N, right?” Edward said and I nodded. “Yep, and your Edward the groom.” I said smiling and he nodded. “That’s me. Where’s Daxton?” he asked as I walked over to the fridge. “You know about Dax?” I asked as I opened it. “Yeah, Alice and I do. These two don’t though.” he said motioning to the boys. “Oh well Daxton is with Charlie. He’ll be here later if you’d like to meet him.” I said grabbing some apple slices from the fridge. “That sounds nice, Y/N these are my brothers Jasper,” he said motioning to the blonde who spoke earlier. “And Emmett.” he said motioning to the talk brunette. “Well hello, I’m Y/N Swan. Bella’s older sister.” I said with a little wave. “Well it’s nice to finally meet the famous Y/N.” the boy named Emmett said and I chuckled. “Famous, eh?” I responded as I took a bite out of an apple slice. “Yeah. Bella talks about you a lot, sometimes it gets annoying.” Jasper said and I laughed. “My friends in Nevada would agree with the fact it gets annoying. I always talk about Bella and Charlie, sometimes I throw Daxton into the mix.” I said with a shrug rating another apple slice. “So you live in Nevada?” Emmett asked and I nodded. “Yeah I’ve been there for a year, I’m thinking about moving after the hole wedding thing. I miss my family and I’m not doing so wel financially.” I mumbled looking away from them and to the stairs. “Does Bella know?” Edward asked and I shook my head quickly. “No, and she doesn’t need to know either Cullen.” I whispered urgently as I grabbed one last apple slice. “Yes ma’am.” he responded as I placed the apples back in the fridge. “Y/N! Come here!” Alice’s voice came from a few stories up. “That’s my cue. Later boys.” I muttered before walking to the steps.

Everyone was greeting the newly weds so I broke off to go find my father who had Daxton. I found him standing in the back with my son, Charlie had dressed him in a little tuxedo that matched his and I smiled. “Hey dad, you look great.” I said quietly as I got to him. “Thanks kiddo, you look nice too.” he said handing Daxton to me. “Thanks dad. I’m going to go see Bella, I can’t believe she’s married.” I said shaking my head as Daxton nuzzled his head into my neck. “I know, it’s crazy. I’ll see her after you, go have your sister time.” he said and I nodded. I turned around and started walking to Bella and Edward as Dax yawned a little. “I know buddy, I’ll put you down for a nap in a little while.” I whispered rubbing his back. I got behind a group of people who were talking to my sister and waited for them to talk a little. I continued to rub his back and after a minute the group of people moved on so I stepped forward. “Gosh...you look so beautiful.” I whispered looking my sister over. “Oh stop it.” she said with a chuckle and I sighed. “I’m happy for you, truly happy. Daxton is too, right Dax?” I asked and he raised his head up and met Bella eyes. “Awe Daxton don’t you look so handsome.” Bella gushed reaching out to hold his little hand. “So this is your son? Daxton?” Edward asked and I nodded. “Yeah, this is him. He’s a little sleepy though.” I said looking at Edward and he nodded. “Well hello there Daxton, Uncle Edward will spend more time with you after he gets back from the honeymoon.” he said waving at my baby. Bella and I locked eyes when Edward said ‘uncle’ and smiled, it sounded nice. “Well I’ll let everyone else get there fix of the newly weds. Congratulations you two.” I whispered. I hugged Bella quickly and kissed her cheek and then hugged Edward. “Treat her right Cullen.” I whispered into his ear and he nodded with a chuckle. I walked over to an empty table and sat down, I leaned back in the chair and cradled Daxton in my arms. As his eyes started to flutter shut I felt a body appear next to mine. “Whose the little one?” Emmetts voice came from beside me and I giggled. “This is my son, Daxton.” I whispered and he nodded. “So this is Daxton. Hey little man.” Emmett said softly as he reached over and placed his finger in Daxtons hand. The little hand wrapped around Emmetts finger and I smiled. “Looks like your stuck now.” I said looking up at Emmett and he shrugged. “I could be in a worse situation.” he said and I laughed quietly. “Beautiful wedding wasn’t it?” I asked rubbing Daxtons arm. “Yes, Alice can throw a damn good wedding. I’d suggest you let him sleep for a few minutes, they’ll start dancing and playing loud music in a moment.” he said and I nodded. “He’ll slee good tonight then.” I said and Emmett nodded. “So while we’re sitting here, tell me a little about yourself and Daxton.” Emmett said and I nodded. “Well I had Dax four months ago, it’ll be five months next week. Anyway his father left us after I gave birth so it’s been tricky, that’s what I meant by when I said I had financial issues earlier. I could care less though he’s my angle, I’d do anything for him.” I whispered looking down at the sleeping boy. “That’s sweet. If you move back to Forks I’d be happy to help you, all of the Cullens would.” he said and I smiled up at him. “That’s very sweet of you Emmett, really. I won’t stop you all from helping but I don’t want to be a burden.” I said and he shook his head, his honey eyes never leaving my e/c ones. “You wouldn’t be a burden.” he whispered and I shrugged. Esme walked over to Emmet and I then and smiled softly. “Hello dears. Y/N I can take Daxton in and lay him in the crib we have if you want. He looks exhausted.” she said softly and I looked at her smiling. “That would be great Mrs.Cullen, thank you so much. Also I had my dad bring an extra bottle, if he wakes up before you get him to the crib just warm it up and feed him.” I whispered carefully picking him up, his hand loosened on Emmetts finger and I smiled. Will do sweetie.” she said just as carefully grabbing him.

I watched as Bella danced with Emmett and smiled. I never imagined her getting married so young but it didn’t matter, she was happy and that’s all that mattered. “Hey.” Edward said walking up to my and I looked away from Bella to him. “Hello Edward.” I whispered and he held his hand out. I looked at his amd back up to him with furrowed brows. “What do you say Swan? Care to dance?” he asked and I sighed as I teased my eyebrows. “Oh what the hell, let’s dance Cullen.” I said placing my hand in his. He helped me up and led me to the dance floor. He placed his hands on my hips and I rested mine on his shoulders and we began to sway to the music. “We should talk.” he whispered and I furrowed my brows again. “About?” I questioned and he turned me around so I was looking at Bella and Emmett again. “You know how I feel about Bella, how she’s my mate. Us vampires have this urge to protect our mates, so I thought I’d let you know you are someone’s mate.” he whispered and I giggled. “You can’t be serious.” I said and he shrugged. “I am. Emmetts been lonely for a good 90 years, when he saw you earlier he felt what I felt for Bella the first time I saw her.” he whispered and I sighed. “I barley know him though.” I mumbled and Edward smiled. “You don’t have to rush into things Y/N, take them slow like any other relationship. He’s a nice guy really.” Edward said and I nodded. “Guess your right. I’m taking it slow though, Daxtons father gave me some um...trust issues you could say.” I whispered and he nodded. “That’s understandable. Emmett won’t rush you into anything.” he said and I nodded a little. We danced quietly for a few second and I smiled a little. “She looks amazing.” I mumbled and he nodded. “She really does. I promise I won’t hurt her Y/N, I wouldn’t dream of it.” he whispered and I nodded. “I know you wouldn’t. I’m just kind of nervous for her... it’s not anything against you it’s just-,” I started and he cut me off. “A sister feeling. Almost like a protective feeling. It’s okay I understand.” he whispered and I nodded. We were quite again until his head snapped towards the house and followed his eyes curiously. “Daxtons crying.” he whispered and I sighed. “Damn. Alright.” I said removing my hands from his neck and he removed his from my waist. “Thanks for dancing with me Y/N. I’m excited to be your brother-in-law, also you look great tonight.” he said and I felt some heat rush to my cheeks. “Of course, thank you for asking me to dance. I’m excited to Edward, you look nice yourself.” I said and he smiled. I turned around and walked quickly to the door that led you into the house. As soon as I opened the door and walked in I heard him crying and frowned. “Don’t worry sweetie, mommy’s coming!” I shouted as I closed the door. I kicked my heels off and ran to the kitchen quickly. I ran in there to see Emmett already warming the bottle up and I sighed in relief. “Emmett,” I started and he smiled at me. “I got the bottle, go comfort little man.” he said and I nodded. I ran to the stairs and up them as quick as I could, every second his crud growing louder. “Daxton, baby, I’m coming.” I yelled as I darted down the hall. I followed the crying down the hall and opened the door that held my son. I opened it and saw him laying in the crib crying and moving around. “Oh honey what’s wrong?” I cooed as I walked over to him quickly. I picked him up carefully from the crib and held him. He began to calm down but the water works didn’t stop. I walked over to the rocking chair in the corner and sat down in it. “Shhh it’s okay sweetie, mommy’s here.” I whispered rocking softly in the chair. I started humming a lullaby and stroking his hair. Emmett walked in and held the bottle up. “Oh my god Emmett, you’re a life saver.” I whispered as he crossed the room to the rocking chair. “I wouldn’t go that far.” he said with a chuckle as he handed me the warm milk. I placed the tip of the bottle into Daxtons mouth and continued to rock as he drank the milk. “Thank you.” I whispered to Emmett as he sat on the floor beside the rocking chair.

“I told you I’d be happy to help.” he said from the ground and I nodded. “I appreciate it, really. He usually never cries, I don’t know what upset him.” I whispered shaking my head and Emmett shrugged. “It’s hard to tell, the house creeks so maybe it startled him.” he suggested and I nodded. As Daxton continued drinking the milk his eyes grew heavy. “He looks a lot like you.” Emmett whispered and I laughed. “You should see his father, it would change your mind.” I mumbled and he shook his head. “I’ll pass, I’ll always think he looks like you.” he said and I looked down at him and smiled. “Edward told me about the hole ‘mate’ thing.” I mumbled looking away from him and to my son again. “Yeah about that, if you don’t want to-,” he started and I shook my head. “Don’t start Emmett. Of course I want to try things out, just slowly.” I whispered and he nodded. “I understand trust me. How about we go to diner one night this week?” he suggested and I smiled. “That sounds nice.” I whispered removing the bottle from Daxtons lips. “I promise I won’t rush anything. I also promise to be here for little man.” he said reaching out once again to hold Daxtons hand. “Do you want to hold him?” I asked looking down at him. He looked up at me and smiled. “Can I?” he asked and I nodded with a chuckle. “Of course, he doesn’t bite.” I mumbled as I stood up. I stepped aside and nodded towards the chair. He too the hint and moved to the chair. After he sat down I slowly placed Daxton into his arms and he broke into a huge smile. “Hi buddy.” he said in a quite voice as he looked down at Daxton. I watched as he carefully kissed my sons head. “You and I are going to raise so much hell.” Emmett whispered and I chuckled. Emmett looked up at me and we locked eyes, I could tell he was really happy. I could get used to this.

(sorry this is long, i just thought it would be a cute idea)

#twilight one shot #emett cullen #the cullens

[captain-yeet]

Oops, That Happened (Demetri Volturi x Reader One-Shot)

Request by anonymous; "One shot where the reader is Bellas sister and she goes with her to Italy and when Demetri and Felix show up she mumbles something about Demetri topping her not realizing everyone can hear her."

My friend. This request gave me so much LIFE THANK YOU, I hope I do it justice.

Warnings: Swearing, goofs and s e x u a l  TENSION. A little NSFW, oops. HOO WEE ZOO MAMA, let’s go!

Your sister sure knew how to get herself into the most ridiculous, most insane of situations as of the past few months or so. Seething with rage and a healthy dose of fear, you chased after your little sister Bella as she ran through a crowded Italian street.

If you had your way you never would have let her leave the house with her Cullen friend - and you certainly weren't letting her go to Italy alone for the guy who dumped her and made her spiral into a deep depression. So you left a frantically scrawled note to your father, telling him of what was happening and how you were going after Bella to keep her safe.

The poor man. But you were determined to bring your sister back safe - no vampires were going to get in your way, or so, you hoped.

"Bella!" You cried out, losing your sister in the crowd. Everyone was wearing red cloaks for some reason - not that you cared as to why. You just wanted to find her, get her stupid ex and leave the country.

Finally, you spotted her... running through a fountain?

"Bella what the actual fuck..." you groaned, exasperated. You decided to go around, trying to keep an eye on her as you weaved through the crowd.

Making your way to the opposite side of the fountain, your heart skipped a few beats; you couldn't see her. I swear she was right here! Where did she go!? You thought frantically. I promised Dad I'd protect her. I can't find her. God help me, I can't find her.

A firm grip on your wrist pulled you away from the brink of hyperventilating. Alice lowered her glasses, golden eyes concerned yet focused. "It's okay, I know where she is."

Leading you toward a tower with old medieval style doors, without any difficulty Alice broke the lock of the door. "Come now guys, it's a festival," she said cheerily, letting go of you to lower her headscarf as she entered.

You followed behind her and saw your little sister, safe. Ignoring your surroundings you rushed over to her, taking her face in your hands and scanning her for any sign of injury or pain. "Bella, Bells are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Y/N," she replied quickly, gripping onto something white and pale like her life depended on it.

Your eyes traveled up to the face of the boy who'd caused your sister so much grief and who she was currently clinging to. "You," you snarled, glaring at him.

Edward. Oh, how you grew to despise the copper-haired boy who stole your little sister’s heart. The nights where you’d hear Bella screaming in her sleep, see her sitting on a chair staring blankly out the window, her reckless behaviour... he’d sent her into such a deep depression that you had the following thought on the plane over to Italy; If these Volturi don’t kill him, I sure as hell will find a way.

"Y/N don't -" Bella began but you ignored her, stepping up so you were inches away from Edward's face.

"Do you have any idea how much pain you've caused her? You broke her you selfish son of a bitch!"

Instinctively, you pulled your fist back without thinking to strike him, but a coldness took your wrist and pulled you back. Ready to argue, you turned to who you thought was Alice only to be shocked when it wasn't her, but a rather handsome man with eyes the colour of blood.

And holy shit, he was handsome. They weren't kidding about the whole vampires are so hot they practically blow you away, you thought to yourself feebly, dumbstruck. Blond hair carefully styled yet so soft looking, and a strong jawline and cheekbones that defined his perfectly sculpted face.

"There's no need for violence, my dear," his smooth voice made you shiver involuntarily. You couldn't place his accent but it sounded somewhat British.

"She's a feisty one," said a second voice, "I like her."

He let go of your wrist, and that's when you finally took in what was happening around you. The rage that clouded your senses as soon as you saw Edward made you unaware that not one but two cloaked vampires, both of whom shared the same red eyes, were in your presence and the soft echoing footfalls down the hallway alerted you to a third vampire.

The third, Jane, began leading your group down a hallway and into an elevator. It was crowded and you tried to remain calm, but a certain blond man stood directly behind you and you could feel his eyes burning into the back of your head.

At one point, your little sister whispered to you. "I'm so sorry I brought you into this Y/N."

"I wish you didn't jump the gun and run after Sparkles here like you did." You gestured to Edward who simply ignored you. A deep chuckle came from the taller Volturi guard, and the blond walked ahead of you to join Jane, the two murmuring to each other.

"... I don't have a response to that," she barely whispered in reply, eyes downcast. Bella's lower lip trembled and you tried to hold back a sigh.

Great, now I've made her cry. Well done, Y/N. "Hey, we’ll be okay, I promise.” You don’t know that. “Well it could be worse I guess," you murmured, speaking to both your sister and honestly yourself. You eyed the blond man who was trailing just ahead of you, behind Jane. "Being led to my probable death by an attractive vampire couldn't be one of the worse ways to go."

Bella looked at you like you'd grown a second head.

You shrugged, leaning into your sister's ear. "Just saying, Blondie up front could bite and or top me any day and I'm sure I'd die happy."

A couple things happened after you confided that thought to Bella. One, she hissed your name in warning but you barely registered that. The second? Said blond man in question quickly looked back at you, made eye contact and winked.

Heat rushed to your face, flooding your cheeks as you stared incredulously. “He could hear that...?” The sound barely escaped your lips. You hadn’t thought much about how heightened a vampire’s senses could be - in fact, you tried not to think about vampires too much in general. Finding out about the supernatural gave you a migraine.

Blondie merely smirked in response, eyes trailing up and down as if to take in your appearance before turning away, leaving you thoroughly flustered.

You were right about the near-death thing. After nearly being drained of life by a gaggle of thirsty vampires, somehow you and Bella made it out alive - with the promise that you were both to be turned into vampires. Of course, Bella agreed, but you? Immortality was terrifying.

 “Shh, Bella, it’s okay.”

 “I think she’s going into shock. Maybe you should slap her?”

 “Alice!”

Sighing, you looked over to Bella, who was currently cuddled up on Edward’s lap, gripping onto him for dear life with a vacant frozen look of horror in her eyes. The Volturi had led in a group of unsuspecting tourists for “lunch” and it affected her. That and the Volturi themselves did just threaten her with imminent death.

You were shaken too but you tried to be brave, for her sake and your own sanity’s sake.

 “Pardon me for interrupting,” a familiar smooth voice interrupted your thoughts. Snapping your head up, you locked eyes with none other than Blondie himself. He paid no mind to the others, addressing just you. “May I have a moment of your time?”

 “Am I in more trouble?” you deadpanned defensively.

 “No. This is more of a... personal matter.” Offering his hand, he gave you a confident, winning smile. “May we speak in private?”

 “Demetri...” Edward growled in warning. Locking eyes with you for a brief moment he shook his head in warning.

If you were in your right state of mind you’d probably have heeded his advice. However, today you were tired in many ways possible and Edward was right at the root of it all.

So, you took Demetri’s hand and let him lead you away from your group.

Ending up in what appeared to be a study of some kind a few halls down, you found yourself distracted by the decor; it was old, you didn’t know your history well enough to determine what era or century all the furniture and art were from. But it fit in with the rest of this Italian castle’s aesthetic and architecture.

 “So, what was that thing you said earlier that involved me?” The question pulled you back to the present and you stared at Blondie - no, Demetri you remembered - incredulously.

You crossed your arms. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you fibbed, your attempt at a staunch expression laughable.

Closing the distance between the two of you, you felt Demetri’s hands press themselves against your waist, pushing onto you and making you walk backward until you felt something hit your back. A stray book falling to your feet confirmed that it was a bookshelf. He was so close to you that you could see every little detail of his gorgeous face.

 “Don’t play coy with me, love,” his voice was low and sent a jolt of something electric down your spine. “If I remember correctly, you said you wanted me to ‘bite and or top you’, is that correct?”

A shaky breath. “That - that may have been what I said, yeah,” you stammered.

Demetri chuckled quietly, leaning down into the nape of your neck, making you let out a small squeak as he did so. Lips brushing against the skin there, you felt your soul ascend from your body as his tongue swirled almost experimentally in a slow circle. You leaned into him, biting your lip trying to keep a moan back.

If this is how I’m going to die, then dying feels so damn good.

Demetri’s lips moved from your neck to your ear, moving a hand from your waist to tuck your hair behind your ear. “Tell me what you want.”

 “I want more of that,” came your husky response. Hands finding some strength, you pushed very gently against his chest till he pulled away. The two of you stared at each other for a moment, time coming to a halt. Raising a hand carefully, watching his expression for any sign of disgust or discomfort, you placed your hand against his cheek.

To your surprise, he didn’t pull away; he leaned into the touch, closing his eyes. “You... are confusing to me.” Opening his eyes again, the red had darkened to a dull almost black shade of red. “I shouldn’t be doing this, but I’ve gone this far already so I might as well not withhold anything.”

He moved the hand that was in your hair to your cheek, mirroring your actions. Instinct taking over your sense of rationality, you kissed him. Gripping your waist tighter, he responded eagerly to your affections, kissing back with an intensity that began to cultivate a certain ache within you.

A low growl sent vibrations down your throat and against your lips, you gasped when Demetri’s hands slid down to the back of your thighs, lifting you up. Locking your legs around his waist, you swore he purred in response to your body’s reaction, moving his lips from yours back to your neck once more. The moans couldn’t be held back anymore and you knew that this only egged him on further.

 “I think I’d like to see more of you,” he commented in between kissing your neck.

 “Feeling’s mutual,” you replied, tangling your hands in his hair.

The kissing ceased, and to your dismay, Demetri set you down. Seeing your appalled expression, he laughed; the sound brought you out of your lust-fueled mind state, as it was unlike any laughter he’d done previously. This laughter was him. No secret intentions or undertones to it. “As much as I’d really enjoy continuing this, I believe your friends are about ready to head off soon.”

Running a hand through your hair, you breathed deeply to try and calm your wired emotions. “So uh, I guess this is it then, huh?”

Demetri raised an eyebrow. “Whatever do you mean?” Shaking his head, he caressed your face once more. “If you think I’m the ‘fuck you and leave you’ type dear Y/N, you’d be sorely mistaken.” With a wink, he added, “That would be my friend Felix.”

His crass language took you aback. You didn’t expect him to speak so... normally? You assumed with vampires they’d be all formal and old-school with their way of speaking - and in a way yes, you were right. But right now, Demetri wasn’t speaking as formally as his coven mates did.

 “So, you actually mean it when you say you want to see more of me?” you questioned him. “As much as I enjoyed... that, I’m not a one-night stand girl.”

 “I’m glad to hear it because I don’t intend for this to be a once-only event,” he replied smoothly. You smiled at him as your heart skipped a beat happily. A small smile made it’s way to his face, and he held out his hand once again for you to take. “Come on, I’ll lead you back to the others.”

When you arrived back to the waiting room, Edward and Alice eyed you suspiciously. Oh they know, you sighed internally. Giving Edward a look, you gave him a wee mental note. “I don’t need to explain myself to you. Let’s keep it that way.”

Jaw clenched, he dropped the eye contact to glare at Demetri. “Can we go now?”

Demetri nodded curtly. “Yes, the sun is down now so it’s dark enough for you to take your leave. Gianna will escort you out.” As your group began to follow the human receptionist who trotted over from her desk to lead you away, Demetri called out to you. “I’ll be in touch, Y/N.”

 Out of sight from the watchful eyes of the Cullens and Bella’s surprised stare now boring a hole into the back of your head, you winked at him. “You better be,” you replied with a grin, still running off the adrenaline of your earlier make-out session.

The last thing you saw of Demetri was a wide grin of his own before your group turned away.

As the elevator doors closed, your sister rounded onto you. “Y/N, what was that about?” Bella asked.

You turned to look at your little sister; she was exhausted. Running a hand through her hair affectionately, you gave her a calm smile. “Not quite sure yet, but nothing for you to worry about, kiddo. Let’s go home.”

#this request literally made me SQUEAL #PURE JOY #hope i did this right #demetri volturi #demetri volturi x reader #volturi #the volturi #twilight saga #twilight saga imagines #bella swan #my fics

[duhragonball]

‘21

Amidst all the popular hype for seeing the end of 2020, it didn’t hit me until about lunchtime what the real highlight is that I’ve been waiting for: For the first time since 1999, the year finally ends in “numberty-number” again.    It low-key irritated me that we had to call it “two thousand three” and I was relieved when “twenty-thirteen” caught on, but it still wasn’t right because it was too short, and now we’re back in the sweet spot, and I should be safely dead by 2100, so that’s one less thing I gotta deal with.

Really, even “numberty hundred” rings true to me.    “Nineteen hundred” sounds like a year.    “Twenty-one-oh-six” sounds like a futur-y year, which is even cooler.   So did “Two thousand five”, until I was actually living in it, and it sounds even worse now that it was a long time ago and adults will talk about their childhood happening in that year.    Daniel Witwicky would be old enough to get married and grow a fancier beard than me.    That’s nuts.    My point is that, honestly, it’s the year 3000-3019 that I have to worry about, so if I ever decide to go vampire, those will be the years I hide in the ocean or force society to reset the calendar, whichever’s easier.  

I spent New Year’s Eve finishing Superliminal, which I bought on Steam after I watched Vegeta play it on YouTube.  It has a similar look and feel to the Stanley Parable, so if you liked one you’d probably enjoy the other, although Superliminal has a different theme.  I kept hoping I’d find some secret passage that I wasn’t supposed to take, and a narrator would scold me for finding the “Chickenbutt Ending”, but it doesn’t work that way.    Superliminal’s all about puzzles and awesome visuals, but it does have the same soothing design aesthetics as TSP.   Honestly, I enjoyed just wandering around in Stanley’s office, and Superliminal does the same thing with a hotel and several other settings.   It’s nice.

This got me thinking about how I kind of did everything there was to do in The Stanley Parable, and I sort of wished they would add new stuff to the game, but I’m not sure there would be much point to that.    I could play the older version, but it presents the same message, just with different assets.   The Boss’s Office would look different, but it’d be the same game.   And this got me thinking about various “secret chapters” in pop culture.  Secrets behind the cut.

I first heard about this idea in the 2000′s, when fans invented this notion that there was a secret chapter of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.    I read a website that tried to explain the concept, and of course it lauded J.K. Rowling with all this gushing praise for working an Easter egg into the book, a literary work of “well, magic.”  

That pretty well sums up my distaste for Harry Potter, by the way.    These days, JKR has thoroughly crapped all over her reputation and legacy, but in the 2000′s it felt like half the planet was in a mad rush to canonize her as a writing goddess, to the point where fans were congratulating her for writing secret chapters that didn’t actually exist.   The idea was based on lore from the books about Neville Longbottom’s parents.    They were patients in a mental hospital, and he’d go to visit them, and they would give him bubble gum wrappers, intended to demonstrate how far remove they’ve become from reality.   The secret chapter lies in those wrappers, which all read “Droobles Best Blowing Gum” or some such.    What if Neville’s parents were only pretending to be mentally ill, so as to throw off their enemies?   Naturally, they would want to stay in contact with their son, so the bubble gum wrappers would have to contain coded messages.    Said code involves unscrambling the letters on the wrappers to make new words, like “goblin” or “sword” or “Muggle” or “Dumbledore”.    The problem is that you can also use it to make other words like “booger” or “drool” or “booobbiess.”   Play with it enough, and you can make the code say anything you want it to say, which means it’s no code at all.   

But the idea was that the not-yet-published sixth HP book would reveal all of this gum wrapper nonsense, and Neville would decode the messages and discover all of his parents’ super-cool adventures.   I’m not sure why we needed a secret chapter if Book 6 was going to explain all of this anyway in several not-secret chapters, but that was the whole point.   Fans didn’t have Book 6 yet, and they were so desperate to read it that they started trying to extrapolate what would happen next based on “clues” from the previous five.    That’s like trying to figure out what Majin Buu looks like by watching the Androids Saga.   I guess some wiseguy would have guessed that he’d resemble #19, but that’d just be blind luck.  

And when you get down to it, this whole secret chapter business is really just a conspiracy.   This is literally how Qanon works.   Some anonymous jackass posted vague “hints” on an imageboard, and people went goofy trying to interpret them and figure out what would happen in the future.   They call it “research” because they spend a ton of time on this, but there’s no basis to any of it.    It took me a few minutes to figure out that you can spell “Muggle” with the words in “Drooble’s Best Blowing Gum”, but that’s not research and it doesn’t prove anything.   But all these guys keep looking for “Hilary Clinton goes to jail next week” and lo and behold that’s all they ever find.   

In the same vein, the gum wrapper thing was really a complaint disguised as a conspiracy, disguised as a “magical secret chapter”.   At least a few fans wanted to see more Neville in their Harry Potter books, they wanted Neville’s parents, or someone like them, to have cool spy adventures or whatever else.   The point is, they clearly weren’t getting what they wanted out of the printed works, but they didn’t want to turn against their Dear Beloved Author, so they started casting about for an alternative reality, one where J.K. Rowling wrote a cooler story and hid it in the pages of the one that actually went to press.    So instead of just saying “Hey, Order of the Phoenix was kind of a letdown, I hope there’s more ninjas in the next book,” they said “Rowling is a genius because I wanted ninjas and she’s definitely going to give them to me, I have the gum wrappers to prove it.”

The same thing happened all over again when the BBC Sherlock show took a turn for the nonsensical.    I don’t know from BBC Sherlock, but I watched the fascinating video critique by Hbomberguy, and it sounds like the show did tons of plot twists until it stopped making sense altogether in the fourth season.    If you skip to 1:09:00 in the video, you’ll hear about fan theories that suggested that season four was supposed to be crappy, as part of a secret meta-narrative plan that would be paid off in a secret, unannounced episode that would not only explain everything, but retroactively justify the crappy episodes that came before.    But it’s been a few years and it never came to pass, so I think we can call this myth busted. 

Most recently, I think we’ve all seen a lot of talk about the final season of Supernatural, where I guess Destiel sort of became canon but only one guy does the love confession and the other doesn’t respond.   But I guess he does say “I love you too”  in the Spanish dub, which means the English language version was edited for whatever reason.    It’s not exactly a secret episode, but the implication is that there’s more to this than what made it to the screen.    So the questions turn to what the screenplay said, what the writers and actors wanted to do, etc. etc.    My general impression is that SPN fans are a bit more used to crushing disappointment, so they’re not quite as delusional about this show being unquestionable genius, like Sherlock and Harry Potter.     Maybe this is an Anglophile thing?   Like, if you suck at something with a British accent, people will accept it more unconditionally?   

I had seen something on Twitter about how there should have been a secret Seinfeld episode in the 90′s.    Someone suggested it at the time, they tape a whole episode, then wait until 2020 to air it, because by then it would be worth a fortune.    But they didn’t do it, because it costs a lot of money to make a TV episode, and if you don’t air the show right away, you aren’t making that money back any time soon.    Yeah, you might recoup a fortune someday, but Seinfeld was making a ton of money then.    It exposes the fannish nature of the idea.    A fan would love to discover a cool secret chapter, but a content creator isn’t necessarily keen on making a cool thing and then hiding it where few people would find it.  

I thought about doing this myself recently.   Maybe Supernatural gave me the bug, but I thought “I’m writing this big-ass story, so what if I wrote me a secret chapter for it?   Wouldn’t that be cool?”     But no, it wouldn’t be cool, because it’d be the same work as writing a regular chapter, and the same stress I feel when I hold off on publishing it.    Except I’d just never publish it, I’d put it in some secret hole on the internet and hope that some superfan who might not even exist can decode whatever clues I leave.  

I mean, it’d be awesome if it got discovered and everyone loved it.    “Hey, I found this hidden chapter!   Mike’s done it again!”   And I could bask in the glory.   But what if no one finds it?  Then I just wasted my time, right?   I want people to read my work.   My monkey brain needs the sweet, sweet validation of those kudos and comments, folks.   Once I realized that, I understood why no one else would want to do a secret chapter either.    Easter eggs are one thing, but the bigger bonus features they put on DVDs were pretty easy to find, and with good reason.

I think that’s what made the Stanley Parable so appealing to play, because it teases you with the idea that you can “break” the game and find some extra content that you weren’t supposed to see, but as you go exploring all those hidden areas, it gradually becomes clear that this is just part of the game; you were meant to find all these things, and that’s why they were put here.      It’s hidden, but he secret aspect of it is just pretend.   

I suppose that what I like about games like TSP and Superliminal is the illusion of secrets more than the secrets themselves.    I like roaming through the hallways, having no idea what I might find ahead.    I kind of wish I could open all the doors, and not just the ones the game designers put stuff behind, but the reality is that there’s nothing on the other side.    I used a cheat code once  to explore the unused doors in TSP and it’s just a bright white field on the other side.   Interesting to look at, but not much of a reveal.   Honestly, the doors themselves are more appealing than anything that could lay behind them.  

And that’s probably what makes secrets so fun.   They could be almost anything, but once you open the present, the number of possibilities drops to one.   If they had ever made that Secret BBC Sherlock Episode, I doubt it would have lived up to expectations, but fans could amuse themselves by imagining what could have been in it.    In the end, though, things usually don’t justify the hype.  For every Undertaker debut at Survivor Series 1990, there’s a Gobbledygooker debut at Survivor Series 1990.   It’s impossible to manufacture a secret with a guaranteed payoff.   

[nerianasims]

Billboard #1s 1983

Under the cut.

Toto -- "Africa" -- February 5, 1983

This song becoming massively popular recently sort of mystifies me. But maybe it shouldn't; the music is very pretty, and we've been short on popular music that goes for "pretty" for a long time. The lyrics... I really don't know. The best explanation I've seen was someone joking on Tumblr that maybe the narrator's a werewolf. I'm sure that wasn't the intent, but it's what I'm going with. It is a good song, entirely because of the music.

Patti Austin and James Ingram -- "Baby, Come to Me" -- February 19, 1983

I'm not sure I've ever heard this song before. It's a romantic duet. It's not annoying or anything, it's fine, but now that I've heard it I think I'm probably about to forget it again immediately.

Michael Jackson -- "Billie Jean" -- March 5, 1983

This song, I've heard. A whole hell of a lot. Like everyone else, we had the Thriller album (or tape, rather.) Actually I had it -- for some reason, Thriller was seen as some kind of child's first pop album. Every kid I knew had it. (And since seeing Leaving Neverland, that has been very creepy to me.) As for me, I'd put it on and dance, especially to this song. I pretty much understood what the song was about, and even got the "His eyes looked like mine" line. I didn't have an opinion on whether or not the kid was his son. It didn't matter; it was entirely about the music. Which is truly great.

Dexys Midnight Runners -- "Come On Eileen" -- April 23, 1983

Until the last couple years, I didn't entirely know what this song was about, because I couldn't understand Kevin Rowland's weird singing outside the chorus. I got that he wanted Eileen, and that this was about the combination of arrogance and horniness of youth. I did not know about all the references to the previous generation's pop culture, with an obvious inference that they felt the same way at one time. Also about Margaret Thatcher's intentional destruction of her own country's society. You don't have to think about any of that to enjoy the song if you don't want to, though. It's a fun dance song as well as being complex lyrically.

Michael Jackson -- "Beat It" -- April 30, 1983

This is the Michael Jackson song I remember being played on the radio by far the most when I was a child. It's basically the main background song of a couple years of my childhood. It's a hard-driving song about how you should run away from a physical fight rather than die. "It doesn't matter/ Who's wrong or right." Yes. It's rock, and it's dance, and it's... probably really great? I don't know, some things are too formative.

David Bowie -- "Let's Dance" -- May 21, 1983

"Put on your red shoes and dance the blues" makes no sense. But this is David Bowie; he knew that. It's part of the point. While this song is perfectly feasable to dance to, it's not really a dance song. It's achingly romantic and not the tiniest bit soppy, with music that's both accessible and fascinating. And my god Bowie could sing. I love it so much.

Irene Cara -- "Flashdance... What A Feeling" -- May 28, 1983

I didn't see Flashdance until college, when my roommates decided we would watch a bunch of cheesy 80s movies because it seemed a brilliant thing to do. It was, actually. Some of them even turned out to be good. Not Flashdance. Flashdance is memorably stupid, at least -- it doesn't hold back. It's extremely entertaining because it's deeply unintentionally hilarious. This song, though, I've heard a lot since it came out. The song is much better than the movie. It's got a wide-eyed optimism that's appealing, and the music is fun.

The Police -- "Every Breath You Take" -- July 9, 1983

I remember people periodically insisting that many, many women don't understand this song and think it's just romantic. I have never met any of these women. I have a feeling it was only a few, and that got blown up into some kind of crisis, as things do. Especially when people can imagine angelic airheaded women being dumb and somehow inviting abuse from those scary scary men. That's a favorite hobby for many. Anyway. It's a really good song that gets into the mindset of a really bad man -- or of a man who's currently imagining being really bad but is going to wake up, deal with his hangover, and get on with life. It's not a comfortable song, and that is good. Also Sting's hot.

Eurythmics -- "Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)" -- September 3, 1983

Usually repetitive songs drive me nuts. This song is incredibly repetitive lyrically. I love the lyrics, though. And musically, it changes up just enough to keep my interest. It's almost hypnotic. Apparently, Annie Lennox can do whatever she likes with me. Speaking of "some of them want to be abused"...

Michael Sembello -- "Maniac" --  September 10, 1983

The original demo of this song was about a serial killer, and it sounds like it, with the Psycho-like musical parts. It's not a dance song at all. Michael Sembello worked with Stevie Wonder during his best years, but he's no Stevie Wonder. He has that 70s light rock white guy voice, and it doesn't fit this song. If he'd handed this to another singer, it would have been better. Though still goofy, because it's music about a serial killer wedded to a story about a dancer. Many of the lines don't seem to have been changed either: "On the ice-blue line of insanity/ Is a place most never see." And  okay, that's a good line; I wouldn't want to leave it out either.

Also my aunt is a professional dancer (mostly choreographer now), so I've seen quite a bit into the professional dance world, and it is seriously unhealthy. It seems to be getting better, at least in modern dance, but the reason my aunt didn't go farther as a ballerina and switched to modern dance is that she could not get skinny enough for the fashion in ballet, no matter what she did. We're a muscular family with solid bones, and she couldn't get rid of that. She's got an eating disorder still though. Professional dance is harsh and terrible, and probably kills more women than serial killers do.

That's what I think of when I hear this song.

Billy Joel -- "Tell Her About It" -- September 24, 1983

Billy Joel's best songs didn't make it to #1, but that's almost always the way. This bouncy throwback of a song is still fun. With most excellent advice: "Tell her about it/ Tell her everything you feel/ Give her every reason/ To accept that you're for real." (It occurs to me that my husband is the first guy I dated who did that actually while we were dating, as opposed to waiting until after we broke up. Most of the guys I dated did not take in "I will not get back together with you if we break up." Not my fault; I told them about it.) Anyway, this isn't as good as "Big Shot," or "You May Be Right," or "My Life," or a whole lot of other Billy Joel songs I like a lot better, but it's pretty good.

Bonnie Tyler -- "Total Eclipse of the Heart" -- October 1, 1983

Melodrama, I love it. This song is so Great -- big, fantastical, unembarrassed, and awesome in both meanings of the term. Bonnie Tyler knows her strengths and has no hesitation about using that huge voice, and yet she doesn't oversing, either. The lyrics? Hell if I know. To me, it sounds like that part of a relationship where you're losing yourself and can't think about anything but the other person, and especially about having sex with the other person. But whatever else it is, it's poetry. And big thunder crashes. Which is a lot like falling in love. It's not necessarily happy. It just is.

Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton -- "Islands In the Stream" -- October 29, 1983

Going from "Total Eclipse of the Heart" to this song induces emotional whiplash. The opening goes "Baby, when I met you/ There was peace unknown." That's the exact opposite of "Total Eclipse of the Heart." What is the same as "Total Eclipse of the Heart" is that the lyrics make no actual sense -- but of course they don't, this thing was written by the Bee Gees. Nonsensical lyrics can be poetic, but the Bee Gees didn't do poetry, at least not good poetry. Oh well, it's probably their most tolerable song. It's a sweet and light song, and I'm sure the narrators will be very happy together. They sound exceedingly "emotionally healthy." But as art, I prefer the "Total Eclipse of the Heart" take. Also I think this song might have been better with just Dolly Parton. Kenny Rogers was good, but he couldn't match Dolly.

Lionel Richie -- "All Night Long" -- November 12, 1983

Lionel Richie puts on a fake Jamaican accent for this thing. Also he makes up pseudo-African chants. I'm not going to go all "j'accuse!", at least not of problematicicity. No, I am accusing him instead of being annoying. Also dull. This is a party song, but an extremely boring one. Also Richie kind of tries to do an "ow" thing, obviously inspired by Michael Jackson, but of course it doesn't work. It's still not terrible. Unlike all the gloop Richie made, I can listen to the whole thing. The drums --  or drum machine, rather -- have a neat beat, and there are some good horns and other musical touches.

Paul McCartney and Michael Jackson -- "Say Say Say" -- December 10, 1983

Well this is weird. I can't remember ever having heard this song before. The song is about begging someone not to "play games with my affection." And it sounds like the two men are singing to each other, regardless of the lyric about getting through to a "girl." It's not bad -- Michael Jackson gives Paul McCartney the musical edge that he'd lost as soon as he left the Beatles. Strong beat, harmonica and all. But I'm not going to seek it out, either. I think the beat's too repetitive. Also it feels too busy.

BEST OF 1983 -- "Let's Dance" by David Bowie, "Total Eclipse of the Heart" by Bonnie Tyler, and "Sweet Dreams" by The Eurythmics. Great year for the pop charts. WORST OF 1983 -- There aren't any that I think are truly terrible this year, so I guess I'll go with "Baby, Come to Me," because as predicted, I have already forgotten it.

#billboard number ones

[deathsmallcaps]

July’s Story

My fifteenth Win A Commission contest is Crystal the Wise! If you would like to see my version, and see all my drawings together, please

There once was a gentleman who had quite a daughter. Whatever her teachers gave her to learn, she gobbled up. Foreign languages, geography, so—all were unspeakably easy for her. And mathematics! She could add up columns of figures far better than her father’s accountants could. Before long, she could have taken their place.

When Crystal (for so she was called) grew a bit older, the neighboring children came over to ask her to explain the problems their tutors had set. Soon everyone came to learn from her. In time, word of this reached the king. He wrote to the young woman, saying, “My son is nearly grown, but my daughter has trouble with her lessons, and needs a teacher who could make her understand. Will you come and stay with us for a few months?”

Crystal was delighted to do so. When she arrived at the palace, the king, queen, and princess greeted her warmly. The prince, however, sulked like a little child. He had offered to tutor the princess himself, but the king had said, “You’re too impatient. I have found someone else who can do a better job than you can.”

Over the next few weeks, the prince sat in the back of the classroom and contradicted Crystal whenever she spoke. His interruptions grew more and more frequent. Still, Crystal continued to teach, because she liked the little princess and wanted her to do well. Tired of being ignored, the prince stood up one day and said, “This isn’t how I learned it. Everything you’re teaching my sister is wrong.” Crystal walked right up and slapped him! After that, the prince kept away from her lessons.

When the time came for Crystal to leave, the prince went to his parents.

“I’m grateful for all Crystal taught me, and after all, she’s the cleverest woman in the kingdom. May I have your permission to marry her?” The king and queen eagerly agreed, and Crystal also accepted, figuring it was a good marriage. She hadn’t realized she was worth more. 

After the wedding, the prince took his bride to a secluded cottage deep in the forest. As she was changing into her nightclothes, he came in and said, “Well, Crystal, are you ready to apologize for slapping me?”

“Apologize? I was right to slap you! And I’ll do it again if you keep on about it.” Crystal didn’t enjoy violence but knew when to defend herself.

“Is that so?” the prince snarled. He and a couple servants dragged her down to the cellar, where he thrust her through a trapdoor, into a little cell under the floorboards. There was a bed and a table and almost nothing else. In the morning, he asked her if she’d changed her mind, but she said no. Every day he came down and demanded she repent. Every day she refused, despite knowing her chances of survival were diminishing rapidly in such a dangerous situation. She had tried to run away when he first grabbed her, but even her considerable talents were no match against ten armed men. 

Crystal grew weary of her imprisonment, but there was no way she would apologize. One day, she noticed a corner of her cell was blowing air, due to a spider’s web flying into her face. She blessed the spider for alerting her, tand investigated the hole. There, she discovered a rushing underground stream. She dug a hole big enough to squeeze through, and managed to swim all the way to her father’s house.

Her father was appalled to find out how she’d been treated. “I’ll see the king immediately.”

“Oh, no, don’t,” Crystal said. “Just dig a tunnel into my cell and bring me some decent food, and of course, my books. The prince only lowers bread and water.” And Crystal swam back to her cell with the prince none the wiser.

At last, he grew tired of her refusals and called down, “I’m going to Paris to enjoy myself. I’ll have a servant feed you while I’m having fun.”

“Go ahead,” she called back cheerfully. 

As soon as the prince had left, Crystal bribed the servant to stop lowering bread and water, telling him to lie to the prince should he come back. She ran to her father and, with plenty of money from him, hurried to Paris, formulating a brilliant plan to ruin him forever with her father. There she disguised herself as a girl named ‘Marie’ and bought a house next to her husband’s. 

She then forged a letter to the prince’s parents, explaining that ’Crystal’ had died en route to Paris, and that he was going to mourn for a while. Somewhere in the back of her head, she knew this was a dangerous course of action, and very unhealthy emotionally. But she was SO angry.

Then, each day, she drove out in her carriage behind four white horses. Her gown was thick with embroidery, and her fan was trimmed with delicate lace, and she adopted a beautiful Parisian accent. When the prince saw her, he was dazzled by her beauty, though he didn’t recognize her in Parisian fashions. He began courting her, and wedded ‘Marie’ inside a month, never mentioning, of course, that he had another wife back home. Nor did he notice her glittering intellect, and thought her a dumb but lovely creature.  Nine months later, she gave birth to twins, a girl and a boy. Since Crystal had learned a bit, she made the prince sign a contract, vowing the children would be his heirs. He signed it, thinking it would be invalid, for she had drawn it up herself and he thought her stupid. He was mistaken. 

Three years passed. Then the prince told her he had been summoned home, but didn’t tell her it was for a new marriage. He didn’t know that this third bride had been set up by Crystal’s father. Feeling bored with his (supposedly) new and beautiful wife, he agreed to return home and decided to leave Crystal and his children behind. 

Returning home, the prince hurried to the cottage but discovered the cell empty. The servant told him Crystal had died of loneliness, so the prince thought he was in the clear. 

His family got him all set up for the wedding, disallowing him to meet his match, claiming superstition. When the day finally came, he said the vows, and everyone cheered. He raised her veil, and saw Crystal grinning triumphantly back at him. His children toddled out from the audience, and he knew he was in trouble.

Stunned to see his triply-wed wife, the prince knelt down before the court and begged her forgiveness. But it turned out, she didn’t have to forgive him. 

Her father produced the contract proclaiming the children as the prince’s heirs and a written account of what had passed by Crystal verified by many sources, including the servant who was supposed to feed her. Disgusted by their son, the King and Queen banished him and stripped him of his personal land, money and title, immediately giving them to Crystal. She and her family promptly lived happily ever after. 

My Notes

Now, you may not have noticed, but this story? Extremely messed up. I mean, this woman is degraded and goes on the biggest revenge plot I’ve ever seen a female character do in a fairy tale. She even has revenge babies! They are going to have a pretty messed up childhood. 

Why did I choose Crystal the Wise? Well, for three reasons. 

One, I heard it on, you guessed it, the Myths and Legends podcast. I really liked his rendition, but I did NOT want to type the whole thing out (I did that with a different story of his that I’m going to give to a different little cousin). I found this version online. And this all happens in the story! Crystal is just that machiavellian, and I applaud her! I kind of wish she didn’t feel like she had to continue having relations with her abuser, or to change herself so completely, but she really hit him with the ol’ one-two, and I like it when people can dole out justice like that. Hopefully she had someone to talk to afterwards? Also its pretty problematic the King and Queen did not realize how much of a little creep they raised to be their heir. 

Two, I realized I hadn’t done a story from South America yet! I realize its definitely a more modern story, with less ties to the Native people of Chile (btw the royal family of Chile isn’t a real thing), but I really liked it. 

Three, I was looking up the Aymara people of Chile for unrelated reasons when I realized I would love to draw the women! I don’t know what the textile industry over there is like, but it must be pretty entrenched in the culture, because they have so many pretty patterns and colors in their everyday wear! Combined with the bowler hats (legend has it that a shipment of bowler hats made it to Chile just when they went out of style, so the haberdashers marketed them to women!) with all the lovely flowers added on, I was excited! So I wanted to draw an Aymara girl. 

Now that I’ve explained that, I’d like to explain my drawings. They weren’t as full of background as some of my other drawings, but trust me, I put a lot of effort into them! I had a kabillion reference pictures.

The title is not based off of any movie logo I’ve seen, for once. Rather, it is based a bit off of the ACDC logo. I was working one day, when someone with that logo on his shirt came up to the register. I was inspired! So I quickly sketched out a sort of geometric, sort of lightning-bolt-esque title in between customers. And I liked it!

The second picture, the slap, was a difficult one for me. It combined an unusual perspective, unusual clothing, and unusual face shapes for me. As you’ve seen with my art, and maybe with your own art, it is often very easy to have a character face you and not interact with another object or person, You can’t really have that happen with a slap. 

This story is supposed to be set in the early 1700s, when Paris was very in vogue. But as I really wanted to draw a modern Aymara woman, I did play little fast and loose with the fashion. There isn’t too many reference pictures for old Chilean fashion. I had to reach a little. Which led me to using a more European style of dress for the Prince. And this is the only time you get to see *Crystal dress in a way that is normal and comfortable to her. This is an important ‘theme’ of the story - sorry to go all English class on you!

*Just remembered that Crystal is not a very Spanish-sounding name. I’ve never found the story outside, even when I try to look it up in Spanish, so some part of me is worried that someone made it up and pretended it was Chilean. Please let me know if you find anything. 

Their faces are different than what I’ve drawn before. As you can see on the prince’s face, he has serious acne. I’m not trying to demonize acne, but I decided that he’s one of those boys who hates getting clean and despite literally everyone telling him so, will not stop touching his face and causing acne. I went through a stubborn phase like that. But I also wanted to show how young and already so privileged the guy is. I really wanted to make him annoying. Crystal also has a bit of acne, to show her youth, but what really makes her face different than my usual fare is the fact she has a mole, never gets to smile of joy in my illustrations, and she is plump. I have a tendency to draw skinny characters I’m trying to get rid of as an artist -  I want to be able to draw everyone, anyone. And i think she turned out quite pretty!

Third picture, the cave, was again sort of a challenge. I wasn’t sure at the beginning how to place Crystal so you could sort of see the hole that leads into her room, while also showing her climbing down and the underground waterways she is going to enter. And as you’ve might’ve seen before, when I draw caves and rocks, all I think of is really ‘geometry’ but in the way the guy in this meme thinks of aliens (look up history channel aliens if you don’t know).

But I guess I did it? As for Crystal, you can tell she’s uncomfortable, she’s skinnier in an unhealthy way and colder than before, her hair isn’t in the customary braids but in a crappy bun to keep it off her face, and her dress is in tatters. Not a happy camper, and understandably so.

Last picture, Crystal’s wedding dress, was sort of hard in a different way, again! I decided early on I wanted to base her dress off of Elizabeth’s wedding dress from Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest. But I had to draw that while Crystal was holding her two kids on her hips, and smirking. I think I managed it, though. I think it’s interesting to note that the look epitomizes the kind of person she had to emulate while tricking the prince; a meek, european-mimicking little wifey. Totally different than the person she really is, the person she is illustrated to be in the first picture. 

Anyways, I hope you guys enjoyed that! Another problematic story will be the one for next month! Thanks for reading!

@boopboopboopbadoop​

#crystal the wise #wac #win a commission #marital abuse tw #commissions open #piff-paff #piff-paff: or the art of government #smack-bam #smack-bam or the art of governing men #Smack-Bam or The Art of Governing Men: Political Fairy Tales of Édouard Laboulaye #Smack-Bam or The Art of Governing Men: Political Fairy Tales of Édouard Laboulaye (Oddly Modern Fairy Tales)

[five-wow]

i’m watching 10.21!!! [insert excited but apprehensive noises]!!!

by the time you’re reading this i’ll be done watching, so as always, thoughts under the cut:

i opened up the episode, steve’s voice said “previously on ha-” and i paused it because i actually need some food before i do anything right now.

food (and coffee that is 90% milk) acquired! the previously on is just the last few seconds of the previous episode, and oof, it reminded me how hilariously evil this micheal claypool sounded with that intense british accent they gave him (surprise twist: the h50 finale is actually the new bond movie), but now he just showed up on steve’s doorstep and he looks like a really kind somewhat older man, gosh.

steve: “please uh, come on in and make yourself at home.” danny, wherever he is right now: “NINE YEARS. I HAD TO WAIT NINE YEARS AND THIS GUY JUST SHOWS UP AND-”

mr. claypool comes in, sits down, hands a still standing steve a letter and then gathers his coat and briefcase and is immediately back out the door, fdjkfd. also, omfg, i don’t like that doris is still causing drama from the grave, but i have to say, it’s impeccably in character, at least.

steve looks a little disbelieving and unhappy about the contents of the letter, which is not great. it couldn’t have been just a nice “hello my son, sorry you’ve had to live without me for these past four months, i wanted to tell you one last time that i love you and hope you’re doing well”, could it? (for that matter, does mary get a letter??? it always feels like mary either got out in time by not going into anything like law enforcement and therefore not getting pulled into her family legacy of dangerous shit all the time, or like she’s just been outright rejected by their parents who keep building all of their mysteries around steve.)

okay so now we’re watching a woman and her son being held hostage by two criminals who probably killed a cop and want her to stitch one of them up, and obviously they’re bad guys, but one of them just said “think bus boy’s got a thing for you” about the dude who just rang the doorbell and hand delivered a toy the kid had forgotten at a diner and yes!!! i agree!!! and it looked super cute so maybe you could just put your guns away and let them fumble around each other for a little before one of them finally asks the other out on a date and then they end up as a really cute little family.

oh SHIT crush guy just burst into the apartment and really, really seems to know his way around a gun and how to hold his own in a fight against armed criminals. oh! ohhhh, this is the new character they were going to introduce that would potentially have become a cast member if the show had continued without steve, isn’t it? ahhh. that makes sense.

while the woman calls the police, crush guy (who heroically saved her and her son and got shot in the process) just. leaves. that’s not suspicious at all!

the intro!!! feelings!!!

we’re at the cemetary where john mcgarrett rests so i expected to be shown steve, but instead we get?? danny rolling up in the camaro to look at steve crouched by the grave? oh my gosh. ten times better.

danny is SO WORRIED. and he is RIGHT because steve is acting very unlike steve.

fdjkfdjk OF COURSE doris’s message is a bunch of symbols. doris!!! you do not write goodbye messages to your son in wingdings!!! be a good mother for maybe once, perhaps, my gosh!!!

!!!!! steve telling danny he just doesn’t think he really cares anymore and wants to be done with doris’s whole thing is !!!!! very good!!!! i am using too many exclamation points and very aware of it but !!!!!!

i just. look. i just. steve has SAD FEELINGS and he TALKS ABOUT THEM with DANNY and this is pretty much a dream come true. YES. not the sad feelings, i’d rather have happy feelings, but after everything these characters have gone through they need to acknowledge that there are sad feelings before happy feelings can be had.

also, omfg, i had a brief heart attack because steve says joe’s name but he says it with an abandoned “and” kind of tacked onto it, a little mumbly, so it sounds like “losing joe’n- and mom” and for a long moment i was like, losing joan?? what?? because that would not be okay, holy shit, no.

on a lighter note, steve: “i’ll drive.” what a suprise!!! truly a shocking turn of events. :p

yes, steve, antagonize the scary-looking dude who is grieving over his dead brother while standing over the dead brother’s body in the morgue. i’m sure that’s a brilliant plan.

wait what, we suddenly see adam and junior who are talking on the phone because junior called adam to give him an update, and then adam goes, right, but the bad guys don’t know the address yet, and we do! and it turns out he is. standing in the apartment both parties are looking for right at that second. uh. communication, adam, dear lord.

there is some team organizing in hq around the case and then they all disperse and danny looks ready to follow steve into his office but then he gets distracted by tani asking to talk to him for a minute, and then they go out onto a BALCONY that i don’t remember ever having seen before? omg. secret headquarters balcony.

tani asks about steve!! she is worried too!! i’m forgetting about the balcony betrayal and having intense feelings again.

fdjkfd danny tells tani that steve has been running non-stop and is getting burned out and tani asks “alright, well, what are we gonna do about it?” and with absolutely zero hesitation danny goes “i’m gonna force the issue.” i don’t even think that’s a bad plan per se! but the quick and determined way he says it has me laughing anyway, like danny’s been daydreaming while the team was talking about their case and thinking, hm, what can i do to help steve? i know! i’m going to push him in a corner and keep him there and make him FEEL his FEELINGS. danny’s solution here is to throw a grenade at steve, but like, one full of love and caring and hopefully pancakes.

danny is telling tani that he’s seriously concerned about steve’s functioning on the job at the moment and meanwhile steve is out with junior interviewing a guy with an axe. fdjkfd.

okay so steve and junior catch the bus boy crush heroic rescuer guy (whose name is cole) and he won’t talk, and then junior arrives back at hq and tani comes out of her office to talk about steve again, ahhh. she is so worried! and junior is extremely uncomfortable because he feels like he has to defend steve and he ends up saying that steve will deal with things in his own way and oh junior, no, sometimes being hurt and pushing it away is not the best thing. even MORE reasons why steve needs to work through this in a healthy way: he’s setting a very destructive example for junior.

meanwhile steve is chilling on the floor of their rendition room “interviewing” cole all on his own, which seems to boil down to psychoanalyzing cole in a way that sounds suspiciously like steve’s pulling apart pieces of his own mind but attributing all of the problems to cole because that’s way safer than admitting that maybe most of these are his own issues, too, that he’s giving voice to for probably the first time ever.

steve to himself cole: “you’ve been here in this hole since [name of place where tragedy happened]. you‘ve put yourself there.” SUBTLE.

fdjkfd i paused at the perfect moment because immediately after that sentence cole goes “you know, something tells me i could say damn near the same thing about you” and uh, yes. thank you for making my point in-universe, cole, gosh.

steve: [gives a hard stare for a second and then switches back to cole’s current situation without addressing cole’s comment at all]

ahhhh there is a shot that starts with lou, tani and quinn around the tech table analyzing a video that shows our Bad Guys of the moment holding the poor diner lady and her kid hostage (again!) and then moves smoothly through steve’s glass door into his office where he and danny are having a heated discussion about the case and twirls around them. that was very cool!

so the bad guys want cole or they won’t release their hostages, cole wants to do it, danny wants him to do it and convinces steve after multiple little scenes of them disagreeing about it, and then military police comes in and takes cole away, preventing them from actually carrying out their plan. oops!

and THEN cole escapes out of a vehicle with three men guarding him, hah. i’m definitely seeing the heavy handed parallels with steve they’re throwing at us, omg.

danny about cole to steve: “i think this guy might be crazier than you.” i kind of love that every time a new intended team member shows up (tani, junior, i'm pretty sure quinn too?), danny has to compare them to steve in some way. it’s a rule. every time anyone says something vaguely snarky steve physically can’t stop himself from saying “ah, did you know you sound just like danny williams?” and every time someone does something ill-advised yet heroic, danny is obligated by the universe and the wiring of his own heart to go “ugh, you remind me of steve.”

cole gets a pass because he did good stuff and is a war hero, steve and cole make friends, and then cole says he noticed the cypher on steve’s desk and we’re back to the thing i thought this episode would focus on way more heavily.

steve HAS been doing research to try to crack it! danny was right about steve not being able to let this go.

cole knows a guy who’s good at cracking codes! i guess that’s a neat way to connect him to steve’s finale plot and move it along at the same time, haha.

steve is still at the office when his phone rings and it’s danny and then steve walks onto his beach where danny is waiting for him in their two chairs with two beers, and i love that, especially because we don’t hear danny’s side of the phone conversation but it was a very short scene so what did he say, exactly? “come home, i’m lonely, i have beer”?

steve: “what’s the face, you got a face on, your face” fdjkfd. eloquent!

SCREAMING. “you think lincoln is my new bff? yo, no one can replace you, you’re my danno!” i am. oh my gosh. this is steve reassuring HIMSELF, not danny, but it is also incredibly sweet and YOU’RE MY DANNO. now THAT’S the kind of content i want. yes. good. holy shit.

danny says to stop doing “that”, by which he means deflecting, and steve just goes “okay” and looks uncomfortable but starts talking anyway and i LOVE THEM. this is a good, healthy friendship.

steve: “i kinda feel like i’ve been protecting everybody except for myself, does that make sense?” YES. YES, STEVE, IT DOES, and i am VERY GLAD you’re saying those words with your own mouth.

i am making very high pitched noises at the moment. a) steve says he can’t take a break “here” because there are too many memories and that SCARES ME because he SHOULD NOT LEAVE THE ISLAND but also really really validates a fic idea i’ve had for ages in a way that i love, b) steve says “i will say this is how i thought it would end for us, couple old guys, sitting on a beach, watching sunsets” and YES oh my gosh, and c) then DANNY GOES, “i mean that sounds great to me, we can still do that” and HELLO YES it is SO GOOD to hear them VOICE these things that they’ve obviously both wanted for literal years and which we’ve been shown through steve’s clinginess when danny wanted to retire and danny’s bringing steve in on the restaurant thing and danny’s literal dream of him and steve sitting on that very beach as old men with steve telling him he loves him. just, my gosh, this is all those things but put into words that they are saying and it is very validating and sweet and necessary and scares me very much about where this is going, but for the moment i adore it.

the episode has two and a half minutes left and i’m kind of feeling like this is enough. let’s just end it here. happy end, guys, let’s all go home! except steve and danny, who are already there, obviously, and should do the opposite of move, ever.

OH. OHHH. steve tells danny he doesn’t know anymore and danny looks sad and then steve continues about how he’s been trying to distract himself with stuff like “a bunch of dating, which was nice, but didn’t help” and the RESTAURANT gets a mention though i’ll admit it’s one that’s very confusing because steve says “when it closed”, which... it didn’t, as far as we had been told until now? isn’t kamekona still running it? i always assumed he’d have turned it into a very successful bussiness venture.

danny looks UNHAPPY ABOUT THINGS STEVE IS SAYING and i relate, while i’m at the same time weirdly very very proud of him for saying these things? i don’t want him to feel this unsure about everything (particularly whether he can stay in hawaii, because it seems that’s what he’s talking about and that’s Bad), but it is a needed breath of fresh air to have stuff that happened and that he’s been bottling up for ages actually impact him emotionally.

okay, fjdksfdjslfs, danny suggests steve should GO TO JERSEY and says that steve has NEVER BEEN and i get that this is mostly kind of a joke but actually YES, STEVE. GO THE FUCK TO JERSEY. that would be perfect! danny can subtly follow you under the guise of an extended visit to family and you can spend time there together exploring danny’s home state instead of steve’s and you can come back home to hawaii when you’re ready and it would be beautiful and a very nice, symbolic way to end the show. we start with danny moving to hawaii to find a home there, and we end with with steve moving to jersey to realize where his home is.

this argument though, it’s giving me life. steve when danny starts suggesting other places, angrily, for no good reason: “now i HAVE to go.” danny, both giving and getting up: “i’m gonna get another beer.” steve, calm again: “okay, i’m gonna go to jersey.” danny: [walks away while steve yells after him about all the recommendations he’ll need for when he’s in jersey]

danny is inside to get the beer, hears a noise, finds a burglar at steve’s desk, fights him, destroy half the living room and is found by steve who also heard noise from the house and suddenly keeps saying “yo” to danny a lot this episode.

of course the burglar was there for the cypher that doris sent steve, because she can never just pop up in steve’s life in a way that isn’t  somehow dangerous to him and everyone around him. it was good, though!!! a very nice cliffhanger.

final thoughts: VERY GOOD, VERY INTENSE EPISODE. i liked cole more than i expected for a character that gets introduced as potential main cast in the last two episodes of a show that’s by now already been cancelled (that could have been problematic, but i think the writers handled it well by brick-to-the-face using him to explore steve’s issues) and i love danny being so worried about steve and tani following his lead and wanting to talk to everyone close to steve about how worried she is, too, and everything steve says has ME worried about how they’re going to end this, but so far, it’s also amazing A+ perfect fanfic fuel, holy effing shit. EMOTIONS. FEELINGS. STEVE HAS THEM. it’s literally that easy to please me, fdjkfd.

and i will say that while i’m worried about him and he’s clearly hurting and there are ways the show could take this that i won’t like (steve leaving the island at the end of the show while danny stays, mainly, which would be kind of horrible in all kinds of ways), i do somewhat love seeing steve deal with the fact that he’s older than he was ten years ago, he’s never really worked through all of the incredibly horrible shit life kept heaping on him, and he’s just getting really damn tired of everything. old, tired steve is a good thing; it’s the start of a new chapter, one where he hopefully doesn’t keep clinging to that endless denial of hurt and his tendency to put the job above everything including his own mental and physical health. i just hope, hope, hope that this last chapter that we actually get to watch play out on screen will be one that ends in a place that feels right, because this could either end perfectly or so, so badly. 🤞

#h50 #10.21 #h50 spoilers #i am now VERY SCARED but also VERY HYPED for that last episode next week #*