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writella · 9 months

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In the Meadow

So I meant to start + post a Daryl fic (and it’s 50% there, I’ll finish it soon!!) but I was just obsessed with Rick and the reader in their little spot in the meadow in Moments Behind His Eyes, and I wanted to write another story in that setting. I was actually trying to keep it ‘porn, no plot’ lol but then I added a bit of plot, one day I’ll try to keep it super short, I promise!! But what I added is fun.. at least I think lol!! You can read it as a prequel to mbhe or not if you don’t want to picture the age gap dynamic that is in this fic, your choice. c:

Rick x fem!reader, age gap relationship (reader is in her 20s), Alexandria era, smut / 18+ (I marked the area with a heart where it starts and then three hearts when it really starts to get serious), oh and one use of the word “daddy.” This is my second fic and I would love to hear some feedback, so please comment or make an ask on my blog about it or about twd, rick, or daryl related things or literally anything about whatever you’d like— you would make my day. ♡

You hate to admit it, but you still felt uncomfortable having sex with Rick at home. It’s ironic how becoming the woman of the house accidentally made you more promiscuous than you ever were before. You were unbuttoning his shirt and he was taking off your pants under the sun, above the grass, in a meadow— a MEADOW, near water, that literally anyone could walk into.

Well, that was not exactly true. In probability it was— you were outside— but in actuality, almost no one visited this slice of heaven you and Rick called your spot.

“Have you been near the meadow today?” Rick, in this variation or another, would ask on occasion. “I saw a pretty little flower growing there this morning.” His smile was sweet, but you knew better. “It was your favorite color,” there was mischief in his eyes as he shrugged nonchalantly, “reminded me of you.”

It was typical that if he added some detail or new observation about the meadow, whether it was made up or not, that he wanted you. Now.

It was exciting, but also reassuring that you had a place like this to call your own. Having a gorgeous house was a luxury you would never take for granted, but Rick’s house was almost like an hq. You were pretty sure Daryl’s spot was in the garage or basement. You didn’t bother asking if that’s what he considered his room, or rooms, or not. Daryl was always welcomed, no questions asked, and no need for him to get self conscious about his ways— you loved him. And you were also pretty sure he slept outside sometimes, just because it’s what felt natural, or on Carol’s sofa, and who knows where else. He didn’t say and no one asked. And as for everyone else, especially those of the pre-Alexandria group, coming by unannounced, asking Rick questions, or sitting for a cup of coffee was common. You guys even had small meetings there. To say the least, this home wasn’t always a private one, and you did like that, that the place you lived in was a safe meeting area for others, but as your relationship with Rick advanced, slowly moving from this unspoken partnership to a more outwardly romantic one, you enjoyed having an area that felt like no one was watching.

You were a little younger than Rick. Maybe a little too much younger if you asked some. It was only a little more than nearing toward a decade into this new world, yet you still had your before brain. If this was then, you knew there would be family members who absolutely would not approve. He was the father of a teenager after all. But now, with your found family, you were one of the leaders in Alexandria. You were even a part of the group before Alexandria. Searching for a home, out in the wild for what felt like well over half a year. Surviving a hardship like that brings people together, shows them their strengths, their resilience. Everyone was an equal. And you pulled your weight more than you ever imagined of yourself, as both a fighter and friend.

It’s part of what made Rick captivated by you. You were strong, and more than capable of holding your own, but so endearingly kind. You weren’t a natural at anything, but a quick learner well enough who always had interesting stories to tell. Only you could make a seemingly basic tale about how you got lost on your way to a concert sound so entertaining. You still had the beauty of the past in you. You loved to read and write and you missed watching movies, but you never minded retelling what you remembered of the plot from one of the groups favorite films to lighten the mood on another sleepless night where you hadn’t found a home yet. And in the day, when it was time to scavenge or kill the walkers on your trails, you were always prepared to do your part as best as you could. Following example of how to use a gun or your knife. Daryl even taught you how to use his bow, and no one touches his bow. But you liked making a special, intimate connection with everyone, so becoming close to each member came naturally to you. It was individual to you and that person of course— your gentleness and lighthearted charm was truly your own— but in a way, they trusted you like they trusted Rick. Without realizing it was this precisely, he felt an unspoken connection to you because of it.

You felt it too. He always gave credit to his group when it was due, never down playing their strengths or intelligence, so hearing a quick compliment about your ‘good work’ or him placing a hand on your shoulder, patting your back, or that one time he called you a ‘sweet girl’ because of the way you knew how to make Carl smile, wasn’t exactly uncommon— well maybe that last one— but nonetheless it doesn’t mean it didn’t touch the deepest parts of your heart every time you heard or felt it.

Honestly, you found it silly how obsessed you were with the littles things about him. You loved his beard, how his hair remained a rich brown, yet his facial hair was a mix of brown and grey and white, and how he looked stunning with any variation of it. You knew you would take him with it at its longest, but even with none at all. And his eyes, those potently colored blue eyes. The ones that had little crinkles that formed around the corners when he smiled, it made you wonder if that meant he smiled a lot before all of this. Those eyes reminded you of the sky and what could be. The future without fear or as close as you could get to it. You were inspired that someone who had taken control and fought against oppressors, didn’t become one himself. He always remains so deeply loving and even vulnerable at times. He could be untrusting, that’s true, but in the end, he was always ready to accept more people into his life or his community if they showed their humanity.

Thinking about the things you loved about Rick made you excited for a future with him, but then there was Carl whom you loved so deeply. It’s not that things were exactly secret, you knew that was true, but you still wondered how aspects of your relationship with him might change when kisses were openly exchanged at the breakfast table, or how it would look to everyone else if you held Rick’s hand more freely when people were around, maybe it a moment where you felt he needed it to remember you were there in times of stress.

Though it’s not like everyone isn’t aware of the fact that Rick doesn’t talk with, or take the advice of, or even argue at times with others the way he does with you. Rick respected his group, but it was no mystery that he respected you in a way you do with a significant other. Not to mention, you lived in his house for god’s sake; you called it ‘home’ when you referenced it.

You kept teetering with your thoughts, you liked your current home dynamic. You got to be Rick’s partner, everyone’s friend, plus you were also Carl’s confidant. You even liked to write him little stories, knowing how much he loved his old comics from your time at the prison. You’d call them ‘comic books but in word form,’ always handing them over to him excitedly.

“Comics have words,” he’d tease, but he always loved reading them, all of ‘em. He was obsessed. What you would call his ‘little emo boy soul’ would constantly ask if you could write something a little darker, but you couldn’t help but make the endings positive. In truth, writing them was an escape for yourself too. This obviously wasn’t the life you expected to live after all. But you also loved the Grimes’ and you couldn’t picture your life without them now. And you loved that ever since you moved to Alexandria and ever since the original clan started moving to their own respective houses, Rick never asked you to leave and Carl continually asked if you were around.

Your care for him danced over the fine line of being protective of him like a guardian, but always, more likely than not, engaging in conversation with him like an older sister. You liked that he trusted you to tell him things that he felt he couldn’t always casually talk to his father about. As endlessly giving as Rick is as a father, he was also a leader living in the aftermath of an apocalypse— he was a busy guy.

Although you give him the benefit of the doubt, your handsome and strong but obviously oblivious man, has yet to realize or at least acknowledge, that his own son has a girlfriend, or whatever Carl and Enid’s relationship was, you didn’t ask too many questions about the actual definition. From your time with Rick before Alexandria, you understood romantic friendships and blurred lines well enough. But you did know Enid’s favorite color, that she knew how to roller skate, and you even helped Carl make her a bracelet from a box of beads one cute little five year old girl in town lent to him.

-♡-

That’s why as you took quick breaths in between kisses, Rick’s tongue quickly peaking in and out of your mouth as your heads moved left to right and back again, he kissed you once more, slowly humming into the kiss, then letting go to ask, “When are we going to do this in our bed?”

Our bed. That’s the first time you heard him call it that.

Sure, the amount of times you’ve tiptoed to Rick’s door has increased as the weeks have gone by, but you still had your own room. As much as you liked how our bed sounds, is it bad that you still liked how things were? All your books were in there. And you liked when he surprised you in your room too.

“I think at this point you know Carl better than anyone, you don’t think he has eyes?”

“I’d say what we have has been undefined, but not discreet,” you reason. You take a beat, “I just want to be respectful.”

“I’m ready for you,” his words are firm and loving. “I don’t think anyone is going to worry. And if they do, they’re going to have to realize they’ve probably noticed all along.” Then a curious smile appears on his face, “And did we ever know how old Abraham was in comparison to Rosita?”

That made you giggle far too much, but it also surprised you and you could tell by the look on his face, it surprised him too. Rick was kind, and he could be smug, and liked to laugh but he wasn’t the joking type, especially about a lost loved one. It’s one of the first times he’s mentioned Abraham in the context of his life, not his death.

“I’m sure Abraham would have thought that was funny too.” You think for a moment, “Something like, ‘there ain’t enough donuts to choose from in this crumbled up box of life to stick your twinkie into. Beggars can’t be choosers. Fuck the plain or get none.’” You guys both share a look of shock and laughter at your terrible impression. Imperfectly derogatory for sure, but not quite the same as the bizarre but surprisingly understandable verbiage of the charismatic guy you used to know. “Rosita is like a strawberry with sprinkles, or a boston creme though. You know, something special; I was just saying whatever came to my head first,” you explain shyly, eyes away, still giggling.

Rick is hysterically speechless, the most confounding look on his face as he tries to process the fact that that pseudo-Abraham phrase came out of your mouth.

“I just didn’t want you to get sad.” Your voice is tender and sincere.

-♡ ♡ ♡-

He nods, acknowledging the gesture, saying softly, “Silly girl,” his thumb and pointer holding your chin. “My pretty girl.” He pecks you, but his lips go in between yours as he does, it feels so deep for something so quick. “My sweet girl.” Another kiss, and that fire builds in your heart again, you’ll never forget the first time he called you that and you’re never getting over how much you love it. “My sweet baby girl,” his voice is sultry, even though he says it low, it sounds thick and sharp opposed to his lips that feel warm and soft, though his beard scratches up against your skin as he kisses you once more, tongue going into your mouth.

When Rick kisses, it feels immersive. He’s the man who always has the right words to say, so when he can’t speak in a moment like this, all of the conviction he would display verbally, comes out orally by way of how his mouth feel against yours, it’s as if it touches every corner.

Closing your eyes as you lean in, it feels like sunbathing: there is a peace at the feeling of brightness and heat as your eyelids lower. It’s just like how everything about being with Rick feels right. You feel embarrassed to admit you might worship the man. You’d give in to anything he gave you.

You were already in his lap, but now your hips move closer to his own until there is no more space. Your knees are bent and your shoes are flat on the ground, helping you grind against him with more control. You push in, up and down, and his hands are on your lower back, nearing your ass helping you go faster.

Rick catches your lips and your tongues twist into one another. Your arms are over his shoulders, they’re straight and you have your hands crossed over the other. As you continue to rock, one of his hands slowly trails up your back, caressing your neck and then he pushes into your hair. It guides your head exactly the way he wants to kiss you, controlling it, every feeling making you moan into his mouth. Heaven really could be a place and it was your spot, in the meadow, where you and Rick loved and touched exactly how you wanted to.

Rick lets go of you completely and pushes his hands to the ground and slides back as best as he can, moving the two of you closer to a tree to support his back. You both push off your shoes, his shirt was discarded long ago, but now you undo his belt and he’s taking off your shirt.

He’s pulling his boxers down, his hardened cock springs up, and you notice a vein on the side, precum at the tip, you were this close to kissing it but then he pulls your underwear over to the left, not taking it off. You don’t question it because he’s quick with his movements, checking how wet you were with his fingers, despite there being an obviously large wet spot on the fabric, and then he pushes himself in, bottoming out immediately.

Your sigh is angelic, and his groan is guttural, it almost makes you moan again.

You rock against him, this time feeling so full and euphoric. You hadn’t had sex in the before time, but there was that one time where you did lose your virginity to a nice guy back at the prison, and then another time a year later when you decided to try again with someone else. It was fun, but meaningless. You didn’t think you’d be the one night stand type, at least not for your first times, but back then you sometimes felt like everyday was your last day, and as much as you always admired Rick, he was heavy in mourning in the early prison days, and you were trying to be a good friend by keeping your distance, talking to him platonically.

Alexandria was different though, you felt a new hope here. And then there were Rick’s more forward gestures, leading you to follow his new energy, and now you think he has probably ruined everyone else for you, not that there would be anyone else. Who else could there be now that Rick called you his?

You started to pump up and back down, bouncing happily. You were always the kind of person that was so worried about everyone else’s feelings, and as much as you smiled it wasn’t all the time that Rick saw you so carefree. So much so in fact you kept switching from bouncing to rocking, not knowing which you liked best, both feeling so good, “you just feel so big,” you admitted, stretching out the syllables, making him groan again.

It amused him too, laughing lightly as he opened his eyes, watching your face tilt, mouth agape, pants and quiet “ahs” coming out of you. Your eyes were closed, you looked as if you were in an amazing, intoxicating place.

He liked that this was a new way he got to know you that other people didn’t. You never admitted it, but he knew now that sometimes you like being on top. It made him chuckle, just watching you do as you pleased. He liked giving you what you wanted, but now he wanted to speed things up.

“Alright,” he said, kissing you quickly, “my turn.” He pulled you off and almost threw you to the ground. You thought nothing of it, all you did was take off your under garments in anticipation.

He was between your legs now, on his knees, staring at the glistening of your folds that was seeping just a bit at the bottom, the hand on your lower stomach, then your tits, noticing you had discarded your bra— you really were becoming dissolute, weren’t you? But really you were just absolutely drunk on Rick. Finally, he noticed your swollen lips and your teeth that softly bit down on your finger, your eyes entranced by the man above you, the sun creating a halo over his messy curls. “You really are my beautiful girl, aren’t you?”

You shook your head bashfully. “And you’re my handsome man.”

“Oh yeah?”

You hum, you meant it sweetly, but it comes out seductively.

He comes closer, “Does that mean you’re going to let me do exactly what I want?”

“Yes, daddy.” The phrase comes out without thinking, your eyes scrunch, your cheeks are roses, your hands cover your face, but Rick has the widest grin, pushing your hands off to meet your eyes.

“Okay,” he nodded curiously, eyes smiling wickedly now. “If that’s how you see it, baby girl.”

Then suddenly, your head was in between his hands, flat on the grass and he pushes in completely, no stopping. You felt entirely split open. There was no mercy here.

He noticed your eyes and nose scrunching up again at all the pain and pleasure. Your breaths kept coming out as quick and harsh pants, then he watched the tension release as he slowed down, moving his cock in and halfway out a bit, rocking his hips into it. Your pants turned into moaning sighs, and then he switched on you. Totally disrupting the system as he quickened up again. Your mouth opened wide. You tried your best not to shout his name, but nonetheless a loud, “Rick!” came out and your face tightened again.

“Let go,” you were squeezing his arms for dear life at this point, but you listened and released him, reaching for his back. His forearms laid on the grass now so you could put your arms over him. His balls were slapping against you as he went hard and deep, kissing your neck until he couldn’t hold in his grunts and moans that fell directly into your ear. The speed became almost unbearable as he said your name and then he came, but even after he did, his stamina never faltered.

He took your bent leg and placed it over his shoulder, and took the liberty to thumb your clit. Tight circles going fast, fast, fast. But he did make sure to slow down the pace, only a little for you, going in and out saying, “Your turn, pretty girl. You gonna be good for me?”

“Yes,” you said desperately.

You two moaned in unison, thrusting up into each other, until Rick changed the position of his thrusts to curl up inside of you. It makes you drop your leg from his shoulder, digging into his back, “Right there.”

“Yeah, there it is,” he felt you close, he smiled knowing he’s got you exactly where you needed it, “You’re a sweet girl, you know that?” He looked at you when he said it but your eyes were closed. His words alone snapped the knot inside of you and took you over the edge. You felt it everywhere as he pumped vastly once again allowing you to ride your high, hand coming to your jaw, starting to lightly cover your neck as you did so, he did it without thinking and then let go.

Once you came down, he pulled out, putting your underwear and bra back on for you and taking his boxers. He laid flat on his back and pulled you over until you were on top of him.

His arms extended over you, you both laid in peaceful silence for a moment until he said your name, making you look up at him. He took one of his hands to fix your disheveled hair, running his fingers through it lightly. Your eyes doting as your fingers trailed his face in return. You really were his sweet, beautiful girl.

“Tonight,” he started, “After I put Judith down, I’m going to open my door and call out for Carl. I’m going to say goodnight to him and then I want you to come and stand with me by the door. Then you say goodnight too.” He was stern in tone, but gentle in sentiment. “It’s time.”

“Okay,” you responded obediently. “You’re right, it’s time.”

#the walking dead #rick grimes #rick grimes x reader #rick grimes smut #rick grimes fanfiction #rick grimes imagine #rick grimes fic #rick grimes x y/n #rick grimes x female reader #rick grimes x fem!reader #rick grimes x reader smut #twd fanfiction #twd fic #rick twd #smut #rick grimes x you #rick grimes x y/n smut

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writeroutoftime · 6 months

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hey! can I request sam winchester x demon!reader where their love is forbidden, but he just can stay away from her and realizes he's fallen and hard for her 🥺

pairing: sam winchester x demon/morally gray!reader

warnings: mentions of torture/going to hell, you are a morally gray individual (read: demon)

words: 1.3k

a/n: okay I am in love with this request, and this is what came out. there WILL be a part 2 where it actually gets more into the relationship between you and sam, but I wanted to set up the backstory to start off. please let me know what you think, and I really hope you enjoy! (also, I am SO sorry it's taken me so long to post this story)

oOoOo

Our story starts, as so many do, with once upon a time. Though, as a warning, there is no princess in this story who gets rescued by a knight in shining armor from the evil dragon that locked her away in the highest tower. There is no happily ever after as the two ride off together into the sunset.

No, this story starts with you - just a normal girl who took a wrong turn and fell in love with the wrong man. What felt like love at first sight to you was lust at first sight for him. But despite the warnings and the whispers around town, you ignored the naysayers and dedicated your life to this one man.

So much so that you would have done anything to keep him from harm's way. (Though the same could not be said about his loyalties.) And when danger came knocking on your door in the middle of the night, looking to collect their dues, you knew you had to step in.

It took endless nights of searching, but you finally found an answer that would solve all your problems. When you told him what you found, he didn't plead for you to keep yourself safe, instead he scoffed in your face and went out to lose himself in the drink - again.

More determined than ever, you found your crossroads and nearly screamed when you saw the flash of red eyes standing before you.

"Well, well. What is a pretty thing like you doing out here? It seems you may be out of your element." the demon taunted as he looked you up and down.

"I-I want to make a deal." you stuttered out. "My boyfriend, he needs help. His debts need to be repaid."

The demon merely smirked. "And why isn't he the one here begging for my help?"

"This is what you do for the people you love. Now, can you help me or not?"

"I can." he smirked. "But it's going to cost something pretty big - your soul. And in ten years I'll come to collect." he explained, no trace of humor on his features.

"Deal."

Stepping closer towards you, the demon chuckled. "Well then, let's seal this deal, sweetheart." he said and suddenly pressed his lips against yours. You could feel heat inside your chest, like your soul had been branded. "See you soon." he spoke, disappearing and leaving you alone.

The next day, everything the demon promised came to fruition. Your boyfriend's debts had been paid, and you felt it was going to be a new leaf for the two of you. But instead of eternal love and gratitude, he repaid you with sleeping through half the town and leaving you high and dry only three weeks later.

When ten years passed and you started hallucinating, you wished you could give anything to go back in time and change your fate. However, fate was not that kind, and so, you were dragged down to hell in shreds, kicking, screaming, and cursing his name the whole way down.

The decades you spent on the rack were literal torture. Just when you thought there was no other ways you could be taken apart and put back together, they managed to find a new one. Every day you were told the hell could end if you just gave in. At first, you tried to hold onto the tiny shred of humanity you had left.

But after so many decades, it just was so much easier to give in.

And, so, when you whispered a timid "yes" when asked for the nth time, it all changed for you. Whereas you used to be the one tied up and torn apart, now you got to be on the other end. Each cut and slice into a soul was like a weight off your shoulders.

You thought of the man you had given it all up for. The man who abandoned you after you sold your soul for him. The man who you were going to pay a visit to as soon as you got strong enough to get topside. After a few more decades you finally broke the surface, cracking your neck, smiling devilishly.

It didn't take long for you to find him, drunk and stumbling out of the local bar. Hiding in the shadows, you leant against the cool, rough bricks of the building, biding your time. While he fumbled with the keys to his car, you slowly stalked behind him, hovering over his shoulder until he noticed your reflection in the window.

"What the fuck?" he shouted, dropping his keys and furiously scrubbing at his face. "How much did I drink to start seeing fucking ghosts?"

"Not quite a ghost, but also not quite human." you said, flashing him your deep, black eyes.

He let out another scream and dropped to the ground, pieces of gravel sticking into his skin. As he tried to scramble away, you rolled your eyes and hauled him up by his jacket, scoffing at this pitiful excuse for a man.

"What? Didn't think you'd have to come face to face with the woman you cheated on and left high and dry after I sold my soul for you?"

"No, no. You died, got mauled by an animal or some shit."

A humorless laugh left your lips. "Is that what they called it? That's putting being dragged to hell and tortured for decades mildly." you growled. "But don't worry I pulled myself out just to see you and thank you after all this time."

Your words were punctuated with a fist to his jaw, relishing the resounding crunch that echoed into the night air. Fist after fist was thrown in his direction using every ounce of anger you ever felt towards him boiled over the surface. When you grew weary of throwing punches, you flicked your knife out, cutting into his skin regardless of his please to stop.

It wasn't long before you knelt over his crumpled body, a satisfied smirk curled on your lips. This was the moment you had long since pined over, waiting to end his miserable life, hoping his time in hell would be even worse than yours.

But something in the back of your mind wouldn't let you finish the deed. The knife in your hand clattered to the ground, unable to plunge itself deep into his chest. He laid there, a whimpering mess, as you pushed yourself out of the gravel, and smeared the blood that coated your hands across your clothing.

You thought of this moment for so long. Assumed it would bring you a sense of closure. Of vengeance. Instead, you only felt empty, confused, purposeless. Without looking back, you left him there to pull himself together - a small act of mercy.

As you roamed the empty streets, you kept thinking of what brought you to this moment in the first place. Why didn't it feel right? You knew there was no going back, this is what you were now. But maybe, just maybe you could stop what happened to you from happening to anyone else. A way to use this curse for good.

And from that moment on, you roamed the state, looking for players, cheaters, and guys who liked to manipulate those around them. You'd get wind of their deeds, pretend to fall for their charms, and then go in for the kill, offering them the same pain they caused others. You knew most people probably saw you as a criminal, but you saw yourself as a vigilante.

In fact, your little routine worked quite well for the next few months. It seemed to bring you the senses of purpose and justice you were looking for. That was, at least, until you heard through the pipeline that the Winchesters were on your trail. Shit!

oOoOo

Dun, dun duhh!! To be continued in part two, I hope you enjoyed!

#sam winchester x reader #sam winchester imagine #supernatural imagine #sam winchester x demon!reader #rita writes

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disastercyborgecho · 5 days

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One Shot from Final Clone Wars Episode

[I just finished Clone Wars and I Have Feelings. And wow, just the moment when Rex finally cries after the inhibitor chip is removed. Wow. Anyway here's a short bit of brain rot on that! Hope it's alright!]

Rex had seen people cry before, it wasn’t as if he didn’t know what it was. Admittedly, it wasn’t often, considering his (forced) occupation, but he understood the general idea. Someone was sad. They were overwhelmed. Their eyes got wet. They cried. But, the emotion behind it. That was where Rex got lost. ‘Why not search for a solution to the problem instead?’ He often wondered. It seemed like a waste of time. But there were battle plans to make and brothers to mourn, and so Rex never bothered himself with the intricacies of nat-born emotion.

His head still burned from the brain surgery that had been conducted not even a half hour previously when Rex finally figured it out.

His throat was rough from panting and sprinting non-stop in full armor, breathing through the remnants of blaster fire and the smoke of a ship literally falling apart around him. His heart beat hard in his chest and his knees shook from an unholy mix of adrenaline and exhaustion. None of these were new feelings to the commander. It was just the consequences of a hard battle. But as he stared at Ahsoka through the tinted lens of his helmet and her eyes reflected his own terror, he realized that his face was warmer than normal. That his nose was blocked and that his eyes stung. Her eyebrows furrowed, and gently, gentler than anything Rex could remember in his short and bloody life, she removed his helmet.

Ahsoka realized he was crying before even Rex could understand what was going on. His cheeks were wet for the hurt he had caused her, for the betrayal that he would never be able to take back. His eyes stung and his throat became even more choked up and he panted out sobs because his brothers were dying and so was the only group of people to ever truly care for them past their usefulness, and it was because they were killing each other.

The violence had always been senseless, he realized. None of this had ever mattered and he had been born out of tube so he could serve as a lab-ready hunting dog for masters that cared little for his name, only how sharp his teeth were. He thought about the blood on his hands. He thought about how he would never be able to wash it off. He thought about how Ahsoka was decades older than him and still was going to die so, so young.

She reached up and her thumbs softly pushed the water from his eyes away, and they rolled down her own hands instead, quiet tracks of the grief that Rex had never been programmed to feel finally free. It was such a small thing for the overwhelming nothing that strangled out every thought in Rex’s head. So inconsequential, his tears. Just like every nat-born’s before him had seemed.

Ahsoka and Rex and all his brothers were going to die and it was going to mean nothing and all Rex could think was ‘Oh. I understand.’

#clone wars #star wars #clone troopers #captain rex #commander rex #angst #fanfic #fanfiction

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anxiously-sidequesting · 1 year

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I think we as a wizard101 fandom should all come together and dedicate an entire holiday to Dworgyn because he's honestly so funny and relatable

I haven't played the game in years and so I'm not up to date with the Wizard City lore (especially since the tutorial update) but from my understanding when I played the game Dworgyn just stays down there in a musty cave out of choice even after he was informed that he's Not Even Supposed To Be There™. Like imagine you have a stable job somewhere and one day you come into work to find that all your coworkers are gone and it just stays like that for years until this random kid shows up and says actually you fell through a hole and you've been living underground for like half a decade and another 12 year old kid has unofficially taken over your job because nobody bothered to even search for you after your building collapsed. And you know what Dworgyn does with that information????? He literally just goes "Oh? Okay?" And then just stays down there

Like I can't tell you girls how absolutely funny that is to me like Dworgyn has the active choice to return to actual society whenever he wants to but chooses not to because people ✨Stress Him Out✨ and he kinda likes living as a mole anyway. "But still come visit me every once in a while because I still gets lonely :(((("

Like honey your jacked up building is literally sideways in a ditch that has more fallen rocks inside than furniture, you live 2 feet away from a cave where a malevolent monstrous abomination kidnaps children and the only person you speak to on a weekly basis is a tree that looks like he devours your mother's soul for sustenance. But girlie would still rather deal with all of that then see another person again and if that isn't just Me and Everyone Else,

#dworgyn also just has a great personality #'oh shit really nobody thought to look for me? thats okay because youre here tho :)'#'also be careful out there' like he's one of the only Two people that care about the wizard's wellbeing /s #and the second isnt even ambrose #wizard101 #w101 #wizard101 dworgyn #wiz101

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terriblepersongreatseamonster · 6 months

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I’ll be honest, when Kylo first meets Rey the whole thing from him knocking her out to her waking up restrained and having their first face-to-face interaction has always felt a bit rapey to me. I think it’s one of the big reasons I’ve been staunchly anti-Reylo for so long. However, having now fallen to the Reylo side and rewatched the movies from that perspective, I have a different take on that first meeting and their subsequent interactions.

First, before I dive into everything, I want to address the age gap. I wish Rey hadn’t been 19 when they met. It just makes the whole ten-year age gap a little hard to stomach (even though it is a long, long time ago in a galaxy far away, and Ben has the emotional maturity of a 13-year-old). I wish she’d been a little older, or that the gap hadn’t been so huge if they were going to insist she be 19. Plus, how does that whole sharing-a-soul thing work? Did Ben have a complete soul for the first decade of his life, and then as soon as Rey popped into existence his soul ripped in half and yeeted itself across the galaxy to find her? (There’s probably an actual official answer to this particular question, but I haven’t really looked into it yet.)

Okay, let’s go back to Ben. This was the son of Han and Leia, and they are two of the biggest deals in the New Republic. They love Ben, but they don’t have a lot of time to be parents. Anyone who’s had parents who were in leadership positions knows how much time is sacrificed to be available to others. Ben spent the beginning of his life sharing his parents with the entire galaxy. Plus, roughly around the time he came to be, Leia was off training to be a Jedi. I’m not sure if she was still training after he was born, but from everything I’ve found, she quit her training sometime around then. The woman might be a badass, but there are only so many hours in a day and so many places she can be at once.

There’s no doubt in my mind that Ben was raised to have manners. He’s the kid of leaders, he was probably in etiquette lessons before he could fully form sentences.

I have no doubt that Ben witnessed his parents showing each other physical affection, but who knows how often that happened. I wouldn’t be surprised if Han and Leia spent more time apart than together because of their roles in the New Republic. On top of that, I’ve always felt that there was a layer of slight aggressiveness to their relationship. It’s not bad, but it could be very confusing to a little kid. This is what Ben spends the first decade of his life observing.

Then, right as he reaches the age of ten, he gets sent off to hang out with his bachelor uncle to learn to be a Jedi. I know that in the now non-canon material, Luke was married, but in the current canon, it seems that his marriage exists only in his dreams. Given the Jedi issues with love and attachments, I sincerely doubt that Ben and his fellow padawans were given any kind of sex ed or instruction on how to treat someone they might be attracted to.

So, Ben becomes Kylo, and while there are women who work with him, none of them are his soulmate. He has zero dating experience and he only has his memories of his parents’ relationship to give him any idea of how to treat his soulmate. I think he knew from very early on that the other half of his soul was out there, somewhere in the galaxy.

By the time we reach The Force Awakens, Kylo is 29, and barely holding it together. Ben is still in there, fighting hard to break free. When he reaches Takodana in the search for the map, I would not be surprised if he sensed the missing piece of his soul and that’s how he found Rey so easily. He was literally drawn to her like a magnet.

When she starts shooting at him, he flicks away the blaster bolts. He could easily have bounced them right back at her causing wound or death, or even stopped the blasts as soon as they started (much like how he did with Poe at the beginning of the movie). He takes a surprisingly long time to actually put a stop to it. And you get this sense that he’s trying to figure out what to do with her. He observes her and even paces around her frozen form. The guy is huge and intimidating, it would be enough to terrify anyone. And Rey is already on edge from what happened at Maz’s castle.

When Kylo knocks her out, he doesn’t just let her collapse onto the ground. He’s right there catching her as she falls and then he sweeps her up in his arms, rather than having his underlings take over. If he’d thought she was just some random girl, this action wouldn’t make sense. I think, at that moment, he wanted to be as physically close to his missing piece as possible.

She comes to, restrained in this terrifyingly unfamiliar place, and the big bad of the galaxy is watching her. He’s not touching her, he’s not even that close, but he is there and he’s still observing. Still trying to figure her out. As soon as she makes the comment about the mask, he pulls it off and they’re finally face-to-face. When you watch, there is almost a subtle Gollum/Smeagol type fight going on inside him. Ben is there, fighting against Kylo, and you end up with a very tense scene.

Kylo doesn’t make a great choice using the words, “I can take whatever I want” and then immediately probing her mind. Yes, this is non-consensual and scary. But as soon as she tells him to get out of her mind, I think Ben takes over briefly because he doesn’t even question, just obeys. He’s trying so hard to get a read on her. And then the Kylo part of him takes over and tries so hard to pull the information from her.

There’s an episode of Doctor Who where the Doctor is reading Madame de Pompadour’s mind, and she starts reading his. He’s shocked by this and she tells him, “A door once opened may be stepped through in either direction.” This is exactly what happens between Rey & Ben/Kylo.

Also, I just want to point out that there is a big difference between Poe and Rey’s interrogations. Kylo is aggressive and angry with Poe, but he’s much more restrained with Rey. In fact, by the time their interaction ends, he’s absolutely shaken by how Rey has responded, and you can see the fear in his eyes as he realizes he’s experiencing something completely new. Rey can read him almost easier than he can read her.

Throughout the rest of the movie, their interactions are intense. Kylo throws her against a tree. And then he fights with Finn. He screams and rages against the other man, He beats Finn, and tries to take the lightsaber, but the saber flies past him and into Rey’s hands. Ben almost manages to surface. The rage is gone, and you can see how intrigued he is by this new development. The way he looks at her is a complete shift from the way he looked at Finn. Their lightsaber duel is not nearly as brutal as it should be considering the fact that he’s far more experienced with the blade. He could use his powers to disarm her, could break her, and he doesn’t. He fights with her, and it’s like he’s trying to get a read on just how skilled she really is. He even tries to convince her to let him teach her. That’s not something you say to someone you hate or want to kill. When she wounds him, he just keeps getting back up until the earth splits and physically separates them from each other.

He lets her go. As wounded as he is, he’s still a very strong force user, and I think it’s very possible he could’ve pulled her back, could’ve dropped her in the chasm. He could’ve ended things right there and then, but he doesn’t.

From the first time he and Rey lock eyes on each other, he never looks at her like he looks at anyone else. The anger, the hatred, all of it isn’t there when he looks at her. There’s fascination, annoyance, frustration, and by the time we get into Last Jedi there are the beginnings of love in his gaze. She’s his missing piece. His soul is complete when he’s interacting with her.

Kylo is barely there at all when he interacts with her. Their first soul bond, he tries to order her to bring him Skywalker, but you can tell the order is half-hearted at best, and he immediately drops his hand and you see the shame in his face. I suspect he’s been beating himself up about how he interrogated her, and realizes he was just about to pull the same shit again.

Ben can’t fully break free, but he’s still there. When he slips the glove off and they touch, that’s all Ben. Kylo isn’t there at all. (And then Luke had to break in and ruin a perfect moment.) He never denies her accusations that he’s a monster, and even sits quietly and listens when she pours out the whole story about what happened in the cavern. His actions and behaviors with her are the closest we get to see Ben Solo for the majority of the trilogy.

At his heart, Ben wants to be the kind of man he knows Rey deserves and I really do think you see him making a genuine effort to become that, even if the road to get there is rocky. They share a soul, and I think it’s tearing both of them apart for the majority of the trilogy because they can’t seem to figure out how to get on the same page.

I think Kylo/Ben was wrong for how he behaved at the beginning, and I'm not trying to make excuses for him. However, I do think he genuinely regretted his behavior and tried to be better.

#Reylo #Kylo Ren #Ben Solo #Rey #Star Wars #The Force Awakens #Last Jedi

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pansexual-puppy-pack · 9 months

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@theoraekenapperciation 's theo week 2023, day 7: dealer's choice! — teen wolf: the movie

Liam, Hikari, Mason, and Corey were walking through the Hales' Mechanic Shop parking lot when Liam spotted a flash of brown hair that didn't belong to Eli. His instinct kicked in.

Liam ran towards whoever it was, only stopping when they turned around, hazel eyes with a tortured look behind them.

"...Theo?"

"I, uh," Theo stopped, a deer in headlights. "I heard you were back in town."

He had grown a beard, and there were small traces of human age showing on his face. Things seem to have changed in Theo, probably the same things that changed in Liam the last time they saw each other.

"Fifteen years." Liam said after a pause, voice low enough to be considered a growl. "Fifteen years—a whole decade and a fucking half—and you were here the entire time?"

Theo seemed to be at a loss for words—Mason, Corey, and Hikari, too. He took a step back, but Liam matched him with a step forward, unwilling to let him go.

"Why?" Liam asked, but it was sharp, acted more like a command, a plea. "Why didn't you say anything?"

His heartrate skyrocketed, Hikari and Corey's scents going confused when they heard it, too. He still didn't reply.

("Should we go?" Mason asked Corey and Hikari.)

Liam took another step forward, Theo staying planted to his position on the floor. He reached forward, quick, and lightly took Theo's wrist.

"Theo," Liam spoke, quiet.

"Liam." Theo swallowed, then put on a smile that danced on the line between genuine and deceitful—a dangerous one—and said, "Been a while."

Liam's instincts got the better of him. He punched Theo in the face. (It connected really well.)

"Nice to see you, too." Theo said, voice breaking for a split second, quickly moving his hand to his face. Liam was sure it was broken.

"You're kidding, right?" Liam asked, but it didn't really sound like a question. "All this time?"

"I heard about the dead girl," Theo said, but that wasn't exactly what Liam wanted to hear. "What's her name, Allison?"

"Why didn't you say anything?" Liam asked, and he felt the shift in his bones, threatening to come out through the mix of emotions that raged within him.

Theo put his weight on his back foot and slowly took his hand away from his face. He looked straight at Liam as he said, "How the hell was I supposed to?"

Liam made a disbelieving face. "Text me?"

"And say what?" Theo asked. "'Oh, sorry for kissing you in that elevator. Anyway, I have to disappear because I'm probably going to be arrested for attempted and successful murder'—is that what you wanted me to say?"

"It would've been better than nothing!" He replied loudly, to Theo's actual, literal surprise. "I would've taken a shitty text over a decade and a half of pure silence—I thought you were dead."

"Trust me, things would be a whole lot simpler if I was."

And Liam felt his entire being sink into the floor, his heart dropping to hell. His heart stilled for a second. "...What?"

Like it was any other day, Theo said, "Argent and the Sheriff put on supernatural parole for a few years. Never really recovered."

Liam couldn't handle it anymore. He took Theo's wrist and dragged him to a secluded spot of the parking lot, just far enough so that Hikari and Corey wouldn't be able to hear unless they tried.

"I tried to find you." He told Theo, not letting go. "Mason, Corey, and I looked everywhere—the hospital, the sewers, any parking lot that the cops had caught you in before—but we couldn't find you. Where were you?"

Theo pressed his lips into a thin line before he answered, "Gone. I got in my truck and skipped town."

Liam heard his heart race.

"Argent caught me a few weeks later."

"And then what?" Liam asked, tightening his grip. "He put you to work, and you decided to just not let us know?"

"I thought Argent told you," Theo said quietly.

"Well, he didn't." Liam said, searching Theo's expression. "Or we wouldn't be in this situation right now."

Theo looked away—Liam placed a hand on his shoulder and pulled so they were facing each other again.

"You don't just—" Liam started, angry. He took a breath.

He tried again, gentler, this time.

"You don't just leave like that, Theo."

The next part went unsaid.

And now that I have you again, I'm not letting you go.

happy theo week 2023!!

#my posts #my writing #theo #liam #thiam #movie #theoweek23 #theoappercationweek23 #theoappreciationweek23

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sorrelpaws · 7 months

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Sorrel imma listen to each song and the playlist and give my take! I wanna see how close or off or just any feedback tbh! For funzies! LMAO The first song is JUST THE VIIIBE FOR THE SHOW OVERALL <33

YOU ACTUALLY WENT THROUGH EVERYTHING honestly im so giddy over this. I'LL PUT MORE SPECIFIC THOUGHTS under the readmore, BUT U WERE PRETTY SPOT ON DUDE!!!

arrival - totally for the vibe. Just sounds like them to me daydream in blue - originally this was more so about rick/diane and how rick (badly)copes with her loss. BUT HONESTLY your interpretations centering morty's disillusionment ARE ALSO REALLY NEAT and i cant believe i didnt think of that sooner hehe i think it might be hell - YUP!!! mostly rick song but also has some lines that work for morty them changes - ALSO WORKS FOR BOTH OF THEM!! but personally i think of it more as a rick song snake eyes - I'LL ADMIT THAT THIS is half here for the vibe, BUT ALSO yeah definitely morty at a breaking point toy plane - YESSS EXACTLY!!!! i've been plugging this as a morty song basically since i found it. Very much about the dynamic between him and rick. TO BE HONEST i've never even thought about the "though this house is unchanged" LINES BUT YOU'RE SO RIGHT. RICK POTION #9. found god in a tomato - YUPPP very much their vibe. also makes me think very much about rick and just The way he is. his whole "i'm better than everyone" shtick just - YESSS EXACTLY THIS IS LITERALLY JUST rick being an asshole 180db_[130] - YUP just here for the vibe B) everything hurts - YEAH YEAH YEAH just completely rick's angsty sad miserable life no need for a leader - actually this for me is very much an evil morty song. specifically s3e7's whole plot starstruck - YUP MORTY SONG!!! for all his hurt feelings and protests, morty still obviously looks up to rick A Lot, so while he may be mad about something, he'll still go along with whatever rick wants fifteen minutes - THEM BOTH YEAH. here for the vibe cadence - this one is just kind of Rick and Morty to me. i dont even know how to explain it, just has their vibe. BUT I LIKE your interpretation a lot!! about how morty is aware of rick's self loathing and trying to kind of help him in his own way i'm your dog - YEAH. this is the most morty song ever to me. he really wants to act like he doesnt need rick, but he's also disgustingly codependent so the moment rick needs him, he comes running back. in the yard - YES!!! huge morty song. kind of has rick potion #9 vibes again, BUT I REALLY like the idea that there's some pressure to never mess up around rick, and feeling like his family prefers each other over him who is she ? - YEAH kind of here for the vibes, but also a bit for rick and diane! i don't know, i just feel like after searching for her killer for a couple of decades she might morph into less of a person and more of just an idea running on a treadmill - HEHE YESSSS morty doing everything for ricks approval to the point he sacrifices his own comfrot barbarism begins at home - YES about rick and morty's weird abusive relationship. morty not being "good enough", rick being a terrible role model/adult presence and not knowing how to be Nice call this # now - JUST FOR THE VIBES!!!! money - THIS ONE to me is about rick wanting to be better for morty, but having a really hard time stepping out of his nihilistic-asshole comfort zone. he knows he sucks, he acknowledges it, and he really wants to be better kiss me, son of god - very much a rick song hehe. specifically im imagining him in the era where he's contributing to the citadel's creation, but there's a line here that also make me think a bit about his relationship with prime (i destroyed the bond of friendship and respect between the only people left who'd even look me in the eye) birdhouse in your soul - just Rick and Morty and their relationship dungen - another Just for The Vibe song, BUT YEAH works well as a "throwback to the "good" ol' days" interpretation too drunk to come - YEPPPP RICK SONG ALL THE WAY BABY nugget killer - i'll be honest i also have no idea what this song says or means But it just Feels like rick and morty to me. i can feel it in my bones glue - YUHHHH MORTY ABOUT RICK YEOP YEP YEP YEOP oulala - YEP rick and his whole attachment and substance abuse issues two weeks - YEAH. their whole relationship

#asks #rick and morty

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fantasyiswaybetterthanreality · 2 months

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My Experience with Lego Friends

So way back in 2011, when I was but a wee 8ish year old, my mother and I were walking through the Walmart toy aisle. We moved through the girls section and saw this:

And my mom screamed. No Joke. An employee came over to ask what was wrong and she yelled. "There's Lego's for girls!!!"

That was my first introduction to the franchise/Lego theme. Now I was just as excited as her. Before Friends, I only had one Lego set that Mom had to search extensively for because there weren't really any proper sets for little girls.

So she bought me Lego Friends.

And more Friends.

As a budding Lego lover, I built them. I watched the corresponding TV shows on Netflix. I talked about them with my friends. I received a bunch of sets on my Birthday and Christmas.

A few years later, Lego started to release Disney Princess sets and Lego Elves. While I never got into Elves while they were released (something I regret now that I'm older), I watched the mini movie and series that were released on Netflix.

And then in 2018, Lego rebranded Friends for the first time.

Originally in 2012, Lego Friends advertised a young group of highschool girls and their subsequent adventures in their hometown of HeartLake City. This is what the lineup looked like:

(From Left to right: Emma, Stephanie, Olivia, Andrea, & Mia

Four white girls and one African American, and an extremely light skinned one.

And the "new" line-up in 2018:

(From Left to Right: Andrea, Mia, Emma, Stephanie, & Olivia)

One Asian, one one Hispanic, one African American (dark-skinned not light), and two whites.

Now my 12 year old brain was mad about the changes, especially since American Girl (another toy brand I loved) had rebranded one of there lines and honestly, butchered the best parts about the line.

But after someone told me it was wonderful that they were being more inclusive, and after I looked at some of the sets, I came around.

So I continued to collect the sets. I watched the corresponding show on Netflix.

Then January 2023 rolls up, I innocently stroll down the toy aisle at target and see

"What the hell is this? What's wrong with the logo?" (<- Actual thought from my brain)

After a quick scope around the Friends section, I figure out it's another rebrand. Now, I'm on the fence, holding out judgement.

A few months pass, I see a few new Lego models. A boy in a wheelchair, a girl with half an arm, a girl with Vitiligo. I'm starting to feel hopeful about the rebrand.

However, the core 5 girl squad don't seem to appear as much. So finally, I turn to google like a normal person. And find out that they got rid of the core 5 girl squad and that there's a "New Generation of Friends".

...

Yeah, that ticked me off. The girl squad was my favorite part of the Friends brand.

So after finding this out, I go on a mini-boycott, because apparently, I am still a petulant child when it comes to Legos.

And then around September, I tread into the Lego section of a store for the first time in a while.

And spot a set that has the cutest animal in it. The familiar longing itch to buy a new set returns. My mom approaches me, and we start talking about the rebranded sets. She points out a couple sets with cool architecture.

And I let myself enjoy window shopping for Legos again.

Fast forward to Christmas, I get a set titled HeartLake City Community Center. I haven't built it yet, but I'm looking at the box \/,

Wait a minute, who's that in the corner? Is that who I think it is?

IT IS!!!!!! IT'S STEPHANIE!!!!! AND SHE'S THE MAYOR. HAJKSHJKDHKJLSAS

So I make a red string/conspiracy board theory, that this 2nd rebrand of Legos is *literally* the next generation of Friends. Like, the core 5 grew up and these are all the new kids that live in the city.

I bring this up to my parents, and Mom's thinks it's an awesome theory since it's been a decade. The girls should be allowed to grow up and have adult lives.

I don't think much more about it until I'm browsing the Lego store this afternoon for Lego Monkie Kid Sets, and come across a new set titled Andrea's Modern Mansion. Of course I click on it.

(All following pictures are screenshots from the Lego website)

Front ^ and back \/

Wait, what's that in the middle?

Are those pictures?

THEY ARE!!!!!!!!!!!

Stephanie and Mia graduating! Family portrait! Andrea with her baby! Olivia and Emma!

That's it. The rebrand has won me over. I love seeing all this later in life core 5.

Stephanie's the Mayor, like her idol from the original show. Andrea's a singer, has won some awards, is married, and has a child.

I can't wait to see what they do with the other girls.

Also, look at the reunion!

They're doing karaoke! I can't take it.

#Lego #Lego Friends #lego sets #lego shows #core 5 #Lego be careful #you almost screwed this up for me #Watch your rebrands #At least you know better than American Girl #Yes i'm still salty about the Beforever rebrand #I will drag it through the mud #for the rest of time #Ruined a perfectly educational doll brand #lego monkie kid #I'm going to buy a set #as soon as possible

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eldrytchcryptid · 6 months

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"You gotta enjoy every part of your transition, you're still becoming a man now - even without it."

-a very wise trans girl

I've been waiting almost a decade to start testosterone, and finally having a date for my gender appointment has made me... almost ignore all the euphoric changes (and all the weird and funny changes) happening in my transition as a trans man. So I thought I'd make a list of pre-t stuff! I might add more later - or y'all can add some too!

Socially transitioning

- feeling I gotta make sure to let ladies go first (on the bus, through doors etc)

- "Ma'am?" "Who??? Oh right. Uh yeah no." / "Deadname?" "DEADNAME?" "WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO RN - oh lol."

- oh god am I making her nervous DUDE STOP BEING WEIRD *I'm literally just walking home and it's dark* BE LESS WEIRD *aaaAaaAAA*

- *mmm boobs* *AAAA IM LOOKING AVERT AVERT AVERT*

- am i still allowed to say hi and pull faces at cute babies or is it weird cause I'm a dude now?? Am I creepy?? But kids! Kids are fun!!

- *on dating apps* oh god this is so different now I have to come up with conversation oh god oh no

- yes let me pick up these heavy chairs for you ma'am yes I am helpful I am a valid man now / yes let me get this thing off this high shelf even tho I'm only 5'7

- *watching videos of me a year ago* oh shit I actually speak lower now w/o T

- that crunchy morning / cold-ridden / drunk low rumbling voice 😩👌

With a (stp) packer

- *upon putting it on* oh oh it's a dick holy shit yes

- *upon taking it off at the end of the day* 😭 noooooo my dick my broski I miss you already

- the fcking toilet seat

- aim aIM GOD NO nOT THERE

- I really hope I don't look like I'm hard rn

- *need to adjust* *no I'm disgusting don't look at me*

- *upon crossing legs* oh shit I can't wait hold up it's in the way *has to change way to cross legs*

- manspreading?? Am I spread too much??? help

- these trousers as tight af but my dick looks amazing right now

- left or right. Too far up wait *searches pictures of dudes to find out where to put my dick

- *touches whilst sat chilling at home* fren. safe. i love u pp

- *squish* *wiggle*

- *I will hit you with my penis as an threat*

Minoxidil (pre-t beard growth)

- *stroking beard* hheeeeeee fluffyyyy

- RAZOR BURN ITCHY

- researching how tf to shave cause apparently i can't fuckin do it right

- stubble???? Itch???? Euphoria???

- *strokes* hmmm yes indeed

- gotta fuckin use twice the face wash cause I'm essentially shampooing at this point

Body

- huh yea guess that's me (instead of hatred/disgust)

- yeeeee hairy legsssss

- cis guys wish they had this ass dude

- need musle gib *too chronic fatigued to work out*

- mm yes men's clothes (on top half w/binder)

- mm no men's clothes (thighs and ass too strong 🥲)

- shoes make me taller let's fucking go

- men have tits too right? Ye man I just got man tits

- *stroking the mirror like I'm Mulan* am I just a gross man? Is this my fate?

- strapon. just. strapon.

#trans #transgender #ftm #trans man #transmasc #trans positivity

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malimangle · 1 year

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Pilgrim Aiden + Sentient Volatile Crane

AKA: I have a VERY long and convoluted explanation for how Kyle Crane could be a father-figure to Aiden that I shared with my two buddies, and I am now deeply entrenched in + committed to the bit. So I made father-son content, naturally. It’s mostly senseless gjfkdg

For this story, imagine that we open with Crane’s backstory. His perspective—this whole deal traces his life from Harran and upwards, his various fights and how terribly lonely he is as he travels through the slowly deteriorating world, searching half-heartedly for some half-baked cure for what he’s been reduced to. Like every other man on earth, buddy.

All the while, yes, he’s a Volatile that goes into a fit of what can only be described as insistent monkey brain at nighttime, but he’s still a man, dammit. He craves human connection, and as he always has, he wants to protect + help people. Unfortunately, he can only achieve the latter half. It’s a half-rate substitute for the foremost desire, but that doesn’t change that it’s better than nothing.

As we go over his backstory, we view as he tries―and fails― to save a settlement. They didn’t listen to his warning about approaching Volatiles, and as a consequence, they get slaughtered, with many dying entirely and a solid third becoming infected. The lot of the survivors become Virals. He sorta leaves them alone after that, counseling the Virals as they, over time, begin to lose their human minds to the virus (there’s some INTERESTING world building where human facilities don’t fully shut down til at least a couple weeks into the virus, and Crane gets to talk people through the transition and watch them OFFICIALLY die.)

Well. Some days later a kid comes LITERALLY falling into the settlement, provoking all 21 Virals, and Crane has to put them all down prematurely as they wail at him to just kill them so they don’t hurt this kid.

Aiden initially tries to run from Crane and actually gives him a run for his money, but Jesus, this kid can’t be older than 14, so when Aiden finally thinks he’s lost this ‘weird infected motherfucker’, that’s when Crane springs at him, lifts him by the scruff of his shirt, and--immediately uses his weird telepathy to essentially strip Aiden the fuck down for being completely fucking unattended in the wastes at ‘his age’ and demand that he goes back to his Settlement IMMEDIATELY.

(” Listen, kid--stop screaming, dammit, I get it, I know--LISTEN. Jesus Christ. I know I’m some monster to you but the real problem is the reason why your sorry ass is out here ALONE! What the hell are you doing, kid!?”

“...What the fuck are you????”)

Just imagine Aiden hanging there, mid-air, goggling at this fucking Volatile-adjacent man who is standing in broad daylight and chastising him after chasing him several hundred meters.

“I don’t know what fucking girl you were sweet on here, but I guarantee she’s dead now, and I guarantee that going to have a fucking booty call with her in this day and age is NOT worth your goddamn death. Go HOME.”

Eventually Aiden scrambles together some brain cells thru the shock and he ends up squawking, the picture of baffled indignance, “What the hell are you--I don’t fucking BELONG ANYWHERE, let GO of me, asshole!”

Yeah. Crane initially finds that very hard to believe, but eventually as their conversation continues, he’s forced to accept that, no, Aiden’s fucking serious. He sorta…bluescreens over it. What the hell, he thinks. This 13 year old kid only comes up to my fucking elbow, and he’s out here alone??? Trying to ‘find his sister??’ You must be joking. No way in hell am I leaving this little guy to his own devices.

So, obviously, Crane wants to take Aiden to a settlement to settle in and not be in the wastes anymore, because he knows trying to find anyone in this day and age is a Fool’s Errand, especially someone you haven’t seen in a solid decade.

He feels a bit bad about it, but mostly has zero qualms about telling Aiden so, to which Aiden is like “fuck you no” but either way, Crane eventually “succeeds” in cajoling Aiden into talking to a Settlement. Problem is--Crane didn’t actually succeed. Aiden KNOWS this Settlement is Hostile to Pilgrims. Crane didn’t accept Aiden’s claim that they’d be mean to him because he’s not REALLY a pilgrim (yes he is—Crane doesn’t believe it! The fucking nerve!) and like…”wHoS gOiNg To Be CrUeL tO a KiD, AiDeN??”

Yeah, I’m sure we can guess Aiden’s plan, here. Crane, however, is blissfully unaware of the can of bullshit Aiden’s about to open. This is not going to be softened at all by the fact that, during the travel to the settlement, Aiden and Crane kinda become grudging pals (grudging in that Aiden is softening to Crane over time and VERY angry about it, and Crane is endlessly exasperated by Aiden’s teenagism but also unwillingly(!!) amused by it.)

Soon enough, we’ve got our day of Reckoning. They reach the bigger Settlement. As we and Aiden both expect, they are immediately hostile to Aiden when he reveals he’s a pilgrim—and our poor, previously unaware Crane, in turn, immediately realizes Aiden wasn’t being dramatic, actually, and tries very hard to get Aiden to get the hell out of there and come back over to him without revealing himself to the settlers, because showing himself would cause a panic. Guess who isn’t aware of that because he’s a dumb thirteen year old and the novelty of Crane wore off, like, a week ago? Ding ding ding. It’s Aiden.

Yeah, so, with rising hysteria Crane is trying to get Aiden to bail. Alas, the teenager in Aiden is coming out HARD and, wanting to REALLY prove his point to Crane, who has NOT been listening to his judgment at ALL, Aiden is very showy about calling out to the settlement guards and basically begs for a crossbow bolt between the eyes while Crane literally screams at him mentally.

Right, so. Consequences, here we come. Aiden is so busy being a jerkoff thirteen year old that he’s completely blindsided when one of the Settlers does, indeed ACTUALLY shoot Aiden, right in the front of the shoulder.

A stunned silence. The Settlers look amongst each other, wide-eyed and quiet, but then--as one--almost immediately they decide to commit to the bit. Ohhhh FUCK.

Crane doesn’t even hesitate once that group-decision becomes clear— with some unholy shriek, he leaps into action, and not only swipes the guards off the wall, but flings himself off the wall and seizes Aiden by the middle, loping both of them off into the distance while Aiden screams and shouts for multiple reasons, kicking his dumb little feet.

They have an argument as Crane runs from the Infected he’s accidentally sent into a frenzy between his sudden energy and the smell of Aiden’s blood, and Crane doubles down—he’s like, kid, some people are just assholes, not everyone is like that and no one’ll turn away a KID--especially not one who’s bleeding profusely from the shoulder, now, Jesus Christ, we got to sit down and take care of that soon--and Aiden tells him once more, this time with incredulous insistence, that no, he hadn’t been kidding before and wasn’t kidding now, EVERY fucking settlement this way is hostile as hell to Pilgrims, and after the scene HE made, they were probably going to be on the lookout!

Crane doesn’t want to believe it, but now that truth is starting to actually dawn on him, and he’s just not ready for it. Instead, they eventually lose the Chase and Crane props up Aiden on a car to help him clumsily patch up as best as he can with the materials he’s got on hand from previous finds in hospitals and clinics along the road.

Obviously, it’s a pretty hackneyed job―especially since Aiden botches the fuck out of pulling out the arrow and he can’t give himself stitches. Unnoticed, while Aiden thrashed in pain over the arrow removal, he scrapes the fuck out of his shoulders on the rusty ass car door and gets some minor abrasions—IMPORTANT LATER.

Story marches on. Crane tries to prove Aiden wrong about people being jerks to teenage pilgrims, but it’s pretty obviously a doomed venture when they reach settlement after settlement, and one by one, all of them box Aiden out. Crane gets increasingly frustrated, which comes to a head when he comes raring out and YELLING at the guards who won’t take Aiden in despite his injuries after the twelfth turn-away, which results in a BIG conflict that ends with Crane breaking in, wrecking some shit, and carting Aiden away over his shoulder.

Well, Crane’s meltdown is just the precursor to Aiden blowing up on him, because Crane has only JUST understood what Aiden’s been telling him the whole fucking time! Listen--Aiden’s not sure WHY Crane has been so obstinate about getting him into a settlement, but what he DOES know is that he’s in pain, he’s thirsty, his shoulder and head are killing him, he hasn’t eaten in days, and he’s VERY pissed at Crane. So. While Crane tries to find them a place to hole up for the night and check in on Aiden’s shoulder, they get INTO IT.

This is The Fight. Where Aiden hammers home his goals, and how Crane can’t change his mind. This is the broad strokes of how it goes—this is NOT the dialogue, but essentially what is said:

“It’s not my fault you think it’s stupid, and it’s not my fault you don’t have a Fucking goal.”

“You don't think I have a goal? What do you think I’ve been doing this whole time!? Fuck, kid—I’ve been traveling with you for over a month, you think I’ve just been doing that for the hell of it? I want you to be SAFE!”

“and I’m TELLING you that I REFUSE to be safe until I see this through, and there’s JACK SHIT you can do about it! Either you’re with me, or against me, and there is zero fucking in between. So save yourself the trouble and just LEAVE already! I know you’ve been dying to get rid of me anyway! (stroke of abandonment issue—Crane trying to foist Aiden upon settlements has come across, to him, as an adult he grudgingly trusts trying to abandon him. He thinks Crane is eager to get rid of him)”

“I’m not—what?! Aiden, I’m NOT fucking leaving you, you’re injured and I happen to give a shit about you! You think I want to up and fucking dump you somewhere, that I’d just leave you for dead like this?! Are you joking?! (Crane has misunderstood, a little, but he sounds so earnest here that it throws Aiden off)”

“Well—! If you really gave a shit the way I NEED you to, you’d know just how fucking important Mia is to me, and you wouldn’t tell me over and over again that my one goal in life, my one reason for LIVING, is STUPID. You’ve been nothing but an asshole about this the entire Fucking time and I’m sick of it!”

“… (Crane, being the adult, realizes Aiden is right and accepts ownership of his relentless, though inadvertent assholery) …You’re right, kid. I HAVE been an asshole about this. But fuck, man, look around you. EVERYONE is dead. I have lost so many people, people that meant the world to me, and if that’s pain I can get you to avoid—especially when pursuing it might KILL YOU, I just…I wanted to try.”

“And I want to know what happened.”

“(Crane realizes getting Aiden to give up on this is going to take a lot more time than a single month, and uneasily settles into ‘agreeing’ to help him, because this is stupid but he cares enough about this punk ass kid to want to stick around.) Okay. Alright. Fine. Then I’ll help you find her. For real, this time.”

With that cleared, they finally chill the fuck out. Crane awkwardly leaves Aiden to mope it out while he goes and gets them dinner, because Aiden hasn’t eaten in awhile and he needs sustenance. He goes and manages to take down a couple rabbits, raids a nearby settlement for veggies bcus they pissed him off, and Crane goes back to Aiden to find the kid miserably dozing in the big master’s bed, smelling like he’s in pain. He clumsily makes a rabbit stew and brings it to Aiden, who says in a surly tone, “I’m not hungry.”

Initially Crane assumes Aiden’s doing that classic teenager thing and—since he’s still feeling like an asshole about earlier—he’s gentle with it. He’s like, “Aiden, listen, dude. I know you’re probably pissed off. I would be pissed, hell, I’d be fucking livid if I were you. But even if that’s true, in this day and age, it’s never a good idea to refuse hot food. You can glare daggers at me the whole time, but please just eat something.”

To which Aiden says, with appropriate shame and a much softer face, “Yeah, you got me, I’ve done that before, but I’m not being a hardass for funsies right now.” He sounds a little troubled as he admits, “I’m actually not hungry.”

“Aiden, you’ve barely eaten these last couple days. I want to believe you, kid, but you’re a teenager--there’s no way in hell you’re not hungry, unless somethings wrong.” The rising anxiousness in Crane’s tone prevents Aiden’s hackles from going up entirely, so he just snips,

“Didn’t we just argue about you not fucking listening to me? I’m serious, I really don’t want to eat right now.”

Crane’s heart hammers a bit, “…Do you think something might be wrong?”

“My head just hurts, and my stomach’s in knots, probably over the argument.” Crane feels a distinctly hard twinge of guilt. “I just don’t like fighting. This is probably nothing special. I’m sure I’ll be fine in the morning.”

Crane eventually cajoles Aiden into eating—he pushes the stew around and manages to get down like half of it, which just worries Crane more. He puts it up in the miraculously still-working fridge and goes to settle for the night. Well. Some hours later—when it’s 2am and Crane’s still in stupid-mode (remember: that’s how he is as a Sentient Volatile—he doesn’t get bloodlust. Stupid Insistent Monkey Brain because I can’t handle violent Crane), he’s woken by the sound of his kid hurling over the side of the bed.

He lopes into the room in a hurry like “!!! What ! The fuck ! hurt?!” and Aiden tries to wave him off like “I just don’t think the rabbit sat well with me.” But he’s trembling, sweating, listing a little bit, and pale as fuck. Crane immediately feels his face—he’s sodden with sweat, and boiling. Oh fuck, he’s feverish. He goes to manhandle Aiden out of the blankets and curls his hand carefully around Aiden’s injured shoulder, avoiding the front—but when he grabs the back of Aiden’s shoulder, the kid nearly Fucking convulses.

Oh fuck.

Remember that scrape he got on his back from the rusty car door when he pulled the arrow out of the front of the shoulder?

Yeah. Turns out one of the scrapes was a proper cut, and it got infected with bacteria. Aiden missed it because he doesn’t have eyes back there and, yknow, the front of his shoulder was in such overwhelming pain, and Crane missed it because he was so fixated on the front too. But now there’s visible pus in it and even though Crane is still in stupid-mode, he’s still got the faculties to think to himself a very emphatic, “Fuck.”

He’s like “we need! Pills! Medicine!” and Aiden’s like “so long as it’s not penicillin it’s fine” and Cranes like “?!?!? WHAT.” to which Aiden explains that, for some godforsaken reason, he’s allergic as hell to the one (1) antibiotic that is still around in abundance—penicillin. Cranes like “where! The fuck!! Am I gonna find an antibiotic that’s NOT ! Penicillin! Fuck!”

They start with the first Crane finds—Doxycycline hyclate. It was manufactured in 2022 — it’s 2032. Unfortunately, they don’t really do shit. They went over the expiry for them, and though SOME might still be effective, ultimately they just barely make a dent in the infection. Things are starting to look dire, and the area is starting to clog up with migrating infected and bandits, so they gotta move.

Crane ends up rigging together, basically, a baby carrier for his back to keep Aiden hoisted securely on him using bungee cords and other materials he raids from a hiking store in a Volatile Hive mall. By this point, Aiden is so feverish he can barely speak, much less travel. So he gets Aiden secured, grabs their shit, and in a last ditch effort makes it to a Very large hospital-turned-hive, and basically sets Aiden up in a room, secures it, and fucking destroys all of the Infected in there while staying in tune with Aiden’s struggling heartbeats and deteriorating mind.

Eventually the hospital is secure, Crane reboots the UV lights to keep the nasties out, and rifles through what remains. Blessedly, he finds not only proper I.V needles and fluid, but ALSO Ciprofloxacin, which can last 142 months after expiry before it really is dangerous. It was made in June 2024– it’s February 2032. Only 92 months, well within the limit.

He sets Aiden up with the IV, and with the antibiotics―which he very carefully coaxes the boy into swallowing. By the time Aiden takes these, he’s dangerously close to death’s door, and not altogether there. So at some point he wakes in a hospital room, with shit shoved in his arm, very disoriented, woozy, and hot.

So. Very understandably he loses his absolute fucking shit. Which gives me the opportunity for some VERY heart-wrenching whumpy bullshit wherein Crane gets to cradle a very-nearly wailing Aiden and calm him down from, essentially, a post-traumatic meltdown. Just like I wish my parents woulda done with me, hahaha.

Jesus Christ.

Well. Anyway. Between the IV keeping him hydrated, the antibiotics finally working to fight the infection and compounding on the mild effect the previous ones had, and the comfortable bed, Aiden’s condition does rapidly improve. By the time two days go by, the fever finally diminishes enough for Aiden to be fully coherent. He’s still absolutely miserable, but at least he’s back with it, right? Mmn. It would be nice if he didn’t have to contend with Crane’s deep and almost frantic doting concern, which was exponentially worsened by his flip-out over simply being in a hospital bed.

Eventually: “So you, uh…I didn’t want to bring it up too fast, but I don’t know if you remember―you had a pretty strong reaction to being in a hospital bed, buddy. What uh. What’s going on there?”

Aiden puts down his comic book and squeezes his eyes shut. Fuuuck.

So they’re having this conversation. Awesome. Well. Crane just saved his absolute dick and ass, and went above and beyond to care for him. And like…the guy’s alright. He’s clearly in this for the long haul, so Aiden guesses he sorta owes the dude the full explanation. So he gets into it. Talking about the experiments Waltz was running on the GRE’s dime for some fucking reason, and all the awful shit he was put through.

Crane is.

AGHAST.

...I’m not even going to comment on,, all of THAT, because there’s jack shit I can say to--well. Y’know. Just, holy fuck. Holy fuck. But uh. Make no mistake kid―not your fault, I don’t judge you for that―I mean, look at me, how am I gonna judge someone?--and--and those people fucking suck. I hope you know you’re getting babied forever now though. Fuck, dude.”

“...”

“ᴺᵃᶦˡᵉᵈ ᶦᵗ”

“Ur not my fucking dad, Crane.”

“Yeah, I’m glad! I got a bone to pick with that dude.”

“Jesus. Whatever, look―is babying me going to involve that weird baby carrier thing you were doing the other day?”

“...Holy shit, you remember that?”

It does, indeed, entail the baby carrier thing, though admittedly it’s more for the hell of it. They both come to realize that Crane can travel a helluva lot faster than Aiden can, and if they can trade off on who’s leading, they can travel way farther and waste less time. So they develop a routine―during the day, Crane helps Aiden scavenge―goes where Aiden cannot―while Aiden works on gathering info on his sister and Waltz, does errands, and basically does life maintenance.

By the time sunset rolls around, Aiden and Crane pack up, strap Aiden to his back, pad him a lil bit, and essentially just let Stupid Brain Crane jettison through the night and get his zoomies out with Aiden secured to him. Aiden comes to sleep exceptionally well whilst having the Fuck shook out of him, and only really sleep good when Crane’s there.

Aiden pretends to hate the baby carrier--he tries real hard. Crane figures out pretty quick that he's full of shit. He lets it alone tho lol

Wintering is kinda cute―they make, essentially, a gigantic soft nest to appeal to Crane, and they essentially hibernate together. Just like that, Crane acquires the human connection he craves and like, a weird quirked-up whiteboy of a son. And Aiden gets an adult who protects him and loves him like their own, giving him a parent. So cute. Wow. Love it.

So obviously this gets a little fucked up once they get to Villedor almost nine years later. Aiden’s 21 now, going on 22.

Crane has to make a very tough call―he’s not…going into the city with Aiden. At first, Aiden’s really betrayed―he came this far, just to leave him behind here? What the fuck? Crane quickly explains that he’d love to stay with Aiden, but this is a city full of people. There’s no way in hell Crane can fly under the radar here, and…Aiden has finally found where Mia is. But he won’t find her without acceptance from the locals. And the thought that Crane could fuck that up for him without even trying? Hell no. Crane couldn’t bear it.

And, well…Aiden can’t really argue with that. He wants to, desperately, because Crane’s been by his side for like, a third of his life! The thought of being apart from him after all this time feels weird, wrong, and anxiety-inducing. For BOTH of them. So Crane’s quick to assure―

“Don’t worry, kid. I’m not going to up and lope off into the fucking sunset. You know this radio station we’re in, right now? I’ll just roost here. Make a nice nest and everything. And when you find her, and when you’re ready to either leave or stay, you can just come visit whenever. I’ll work on clearing the metro and putting in UV lights if you leave me any, just so your path out stays open, alright?”

“...And you’ll stay on the radio?” Aiden asks in this small voice.

“Kid… you know I can’t actually talk, right? All I’ve got is this weird mind-link shit, and once you’re out of range, well…”

“But I can talk to YOU. And you―you can do clicks and stuff, yeah? I’ll just ask yes or no questions―two clicks for yes, one for no.”

And hey, that works. They get Crane set up, and while Aiden sets up the bed and gets ready to sleep for the night, Crane scopes out the metro at sunset and goes apeshit on the Volatiles in there. Sets up some UV lights and secures the area, if only so his boy doesn’t get his ass handed to him. Heads back. Now they usually share the bed―Crane’ll be a warm wall of flesh behind Aiden, cover his back and all. They usually reserve the Whole Ticket for winter when it's too damn cold.

For this last night, they indulge in the winter cuddle. Aiden curls up straight in Crane’s lap, head tucked into his neck, and basically sleeps sprawled across the guy’s chest.

As Aiden sleeps, Crane actually cries a little. Softly, with tear ducts that don’t work anyway. He’s really going to miss this kid, and the reality of not seeing him for awhile―possibly not ever again, if Aiden’s unlucky enough―is really starting to hit the dude.

It’s hard to let him go the next day, but he knows this means the world to Aiden, so he doesn’t say a word to stop him. He watches Aiden head towards Villedor the next morning after one last hug. His slowly heaving heart fills with dread.

---

I'm not quite sure how I want to approach Villedor in this one: I DO want Aiden to go thru the story and all that, but I'm not sure how or when I want him to get Infected, nor how often I want Crane to come into play.

I DO want there to be a consistent subplot of Crane befriending a shitload of feral cats and becoming the ultimate catdad whilst he mopes about missing his kid.

I do also really want Aiden to employ diplomacy and get the PK to retreat from Old Villedor without extensive bloodshed since being around Crane has given him the (in Dodger’s words, coconut-sized) balls to defy authority (especially because not being able to try diplomacy in the canon game makes me very sad--so many human lives wasted!)

And I DO want Crane to swoop in and save Aiden from Waltz at the electric car factory and basically scream something to the effect of, "GET THE FUCK OFF MY SON YOU FUCKING ANIMAL." @ Waltz before bailing and forcibly seizing Lawan in one arm, Aiden in the other, as Crane jettisons them to the Central Loop.

(Lawan flips the fuck out over this random Infected, and it is utterly, comically side-burnered by Aiden reuniting with his 'dad', Crane, despite the objective insanity of the happenstance)

Aiden, sobbing: so much terrible shit has happened, a random man broke my heart, I fucking hate this city, I missed you so much, this sucks

Crane, soothingly: If you want to bail for now, it's okay, you can come home with me and the cats for awhile and try again later. We have time.

Aiden: Wait, cats? Cats, plural?

Lawan:

Last but not least I ALSO know that I want Crane to eventually give up on totally behaving himself and instead venture into Villedor regularly--initially 'just to find cat food' but eventually just to sweep the Infected off the streets, throw useful shit into strongholds, and save as many people as possible.

An urban legend starts to thrum thru all of the city--there is a talking Volatile man who eats other Infected, throws antibiotics at people, and gives absolutely fuckall 0 shits about UV light. Apparently he is usually toting around cat products--toys, litter, kibble, nip, etc--and is very friendly. People are terrified out of their wits at first, but the more he talks about his alleged four cats and doesn't rip people into ribbons, the more the fear fades.

Aiden hears about this and, with a very amused nose-exhale, thinks to himself, 'oh man, wonder who that could be. what a mystery. so intriguing. Ah, good on you, old man.'

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