#I wanna know if it’s a problem lol

[five-bi-five-main]

Out of curiosity to fellow writer folks and to either highlight that I have a problem or validate me…

#aubrie does a poll #I have like… 30 #and growing #I wanna know if it’s a problem lol #also spread this if you want #fic writing #I just really want to know #fics #mutuals

[cryptcatz]

question: do ppl ACTUALLY say things they don’t mean when they’re angry? or is that just an excuse after letting something true slip? i wouldn’t ever say something i don’t mean in anger, so the concept confuses me.

but something was said to me that is bothering me, though apparently was said in an argument and wasn’t meant. but i don’t rlly believe it wasn’t like, deep down true thoughts/feelings??? anyone have any insight? anyone say things they don’t mean in anger?

EDIT: this was a hastily worded post that i didn’t expect to get notes. this is a genuine question asked in good faith that i got a lot of amazing answers to!

also re: the many ppl saying “OP is lying about not saying things they don’t mean in anger because everyone does it”— i genuinely have never done that. if i say something mean while angry, i meant it. that’s literally why i asked this question and why the concept confuses me, because i wouldn’t do something like that so i wanted perspective from people who do it. idk why y’all can’t believe that lmao not everyone is as prone to anger and outbursts

#i know im asking The Autism Website but lol will tag autism stuff cuz i think my confusion is related. idk #autism #autistic #actuallyautistic #autistic community #autistic problems #autistic life #autism problems #neurodivergence #neurodiversesquad #personal #btw i do wanna note that this post is abt an abusive person tho #not everyone who does this is abusive! but in my specific case yes #just a warning cuz some stuff being said to me can be a lil uncomfy when saying i should forgive them #i HAVE. MANY times. too many #the anger post #< if you wanna hear more of my thoughts on this #and others thoughts

[blaithnne]

Local big sister experiences emotions, more at 6

Been wanting to do one of these with Lauren for AGES, but I never got round to it. Then I saw the Lydia and Phinium expression sheets on @littledigits’ website and I felt inspiration like never before.

The funniest struggle I have with Lauren’s design right now is that she nose too big for she got damn face. Literally, Hilda characters noses take up a fairly small portion of their faces, and her’s took up WAY too much, leaving little room for her to make facial expressions. But I struggled to find a fix because when I made the nose smaller it just didn’t look like Lauren anymore, so I took this as an opportunity to work on that!

She still has a larger nose than most characters, starting higher up (like her grandad!) and ending lower down (but not quite as low as before). I also made her eyes a little smaller and with a shape similar to Lydia’s (though you can see in some of these I hadn’t quite landed on that yet and her eyes are a bit too big), which works both as a nod to her parentage and because I think it makes the nose look bigger. This still doesn’t leave as much room for the mouth as most other characters, but that’s okay — Lauren is a very private person who keeps her feelings close to her chest, I think it works for her to have subtler expressions, adds to how guarded she is! Oh and I also updated the shape of her hair slightly, just to make it a bit more style accurate.

These changes are pretty small on their own, but I think combined they work well to make Lauren feel a lot more…alive? Far less stiff, anyway. I think she also has a more unique facial structure now, instead of just “what if Johanna was 90% nose”. She’s still got a big old nose and I love it but now she can emote, yay!

This is really all just concept stuff, I’m hoping to get a new fullbody style-ref for Lauren out soon! Now that I’ve improved the main issues I had with her face in the last ref, now it’s onto the silhouette! I want her to read as more of a strong character (though it comes across decently in her current ref, I wanna push it more without being as exaggerated as Ahlberg, which is. A challenge for me lol), streamline her silhouette, and finally make her taller than Johanna like she’s always meant to have been <3 I made her shorter for so long because I thought it would help her read better as her daughter but you know what? That’s dumb actually, she’s tall.

ANYWAYS, thank you for listening in on the annual Lauren redesign, and to the artists behind the show for posting so much amazing inspiring show stopping concept work for free because it makes my autism worse /pos

#her hair will prolly need some slight adjustments to account for her blue streaks but that’s a problem for future Sadie #also #local Sadie can’t stop saying “’local person… more at six’ #more at NEVER. STOP IT SADIE ENOUGH #oh and apolgoes 2 @littledigits 4 the tag I do not mean 2 bother u <3 #anyways these are not perfect! it’s my first time doing an expression sheet like this #but I’m proud of em anyway! #hilda #hilda the series #netflix hilda #hilda netflix #art #my art #digital art #fanart #doodle #Hilda oc #drawing #Hilda Lauren #Hilda fanart #don’t look too closely at the background I was very lazy with editing the template. which is also from littledigits blog #I will probably do more of these one day #I especially wanna work on her angry expressions lol cause if you’ve read plenism you know my girl has anger issues ✨ #and she’s worked on the m since but. #she very much still has a temper so long story short her angry expressions are IMPORTANT I think lol #also the third expression on the top row? my favourite genre of Lauren expressions #just experiencing the horrors #oc #my oc #also the expressions are ordered weird I know but I couldn’t be bothered to line them up properly or in a way that makes sense alright shus

[yankasmiles]

happy yamatsuki day!

#yamatsuki #let's not talk about my penmanship #or how I dont know how to paint metallic textures because i have never practiced before this LOL #really into low light + flash film photography rn... wanna learn how to paint lighting like that #ANYWAYYYY i missed yamaguchi's birthday :( and tsukkiyama day :( this year #october and november have been so unkind to me haha :-) #december sucks ass too and i actually drew this and am posting this from an old af laptop because my computer has problems! again!! #but enough about me. you know what we're here for #yamatsuki and the fact that it's better than tsukkiyama #my art

[gifti3]

okay im back with more for this arranged marriage AU! Heres the last thing i wrote

this time i made something longer--Asmo and MC doing their little meeting/date before agreeing to marriage its fun check it out :]

the only warning is "an upset asmo getting in ur personal space'" other than that i think thats it!

Tomorrow you were supposed to meet your possible future fiancé. This type of affair was not a first time thing for you so you already had an idea of how things would go. Which was the two of you being forced to interact for several hours.

Though you knew what was coming, was it not possible to be a little nervous considering who it was you were meeting?

Asmodeus Morningstar--one of the most influential families in Nefarelin. Their was no shortage of exceptional members in that tree. And to be crass, every other potential spouse you met before were like dried leaves in comparison.

And this didn't even factor Asmodeus's own appeal and popularity. You'd only seen him in passing a few times but you could tell he was quite beautiful even from a distance. On top of that, the general public were strangely obsessed with him. You weren't completely sure why, but he must be very likeable if that's the case.

God, how many people have probably asked for his hand in marriage by now? You could only wonder.

All around it would be pretty foolish to turn this down. And that's why you were nervous…. Your parents were giving you a choice. But it was one of those choices where the answers were 'yes' or 'hmm, okay I suppose'. You did not want to know what would happen if you dare declined.

You'd already considered the logistics of this situation, dwelled on it for days. And it would definitely be a loveless marriage from your side. And that was something normal…but you were fine with how your life was currently! You didn't want to deal with any expectations romantic or otherwise from a spouse.

And what about Asmodeus.

He was well loved by many, had a reputation for enjoying the nightlife and being the center of attention. It seemed highly unlikely that a man like him was looking to "settle down" all of a sudden!

Your hands stop fiddling with your hair.

Wait.

Maybe this arrangement could work.

~

God this is so uncomfortable.

Maybe you underestimated Asmodeus. For some reason the first time your eyes met his saccharine ones, you struggled with maintaining contact. Each time, it felt like he was staring straight into your mind.

Perhaps it was just your nerves but either way you were overwhelmed. You didn't feel like yourself so had trouble talking.

Luckily for you, Asmodeus didn't notice or didn't care as he had been talking nonstop this entire time.

"Hellooo?"

"Oh--sorry what did you say?"

Asmodeus repeats his question while fanning himself. "I asked if you wanted to rest for a minute. I need a break from the sun."

"Okay…"

It was sunny today but not too hot to take a walk. Though you had been outside for a good while with Asmodeus. You both make your way to a gazebo that provided good shade around this time of day.

You rest your elbows on on of the railings and prop your head in your hands. A small sigh escapes you.

"Can you make it any more obvious that you don't want to be here?"

Asmodeus rests a small distance away, smiling but you're not so sure if he's being lighthearted about it.

It was a fair observation. These meetings always felt like a waste of time to you. They were forced interactions. The worst type. And you already knew you'd agree with the arranged marriage at the end anyways.

"Sorry, I'm just a little tired."

You look back at him and try to give a friendly(?) smile. Actually why not just be straightforward now?

"It's kind of hard to believe you want to get married. It doesn't seem like something that would interest someone like you."

"Eh…I guess there comes a time in everyone's life where they think about these things."

Very vague.

Asmodeus leans back in his chair, looking up as if he's scraping through his brain. "But I don't recall running into you beforehand. I definitely would have remembered…so how would you know that?"

"I've heard a lot about you. Kind of impossible not to."

You had a bit of an idea about him before this whole situation. But once it got out that he was "interested" in proposing, well the maids had no problem telling you everything they knew. It was definitely not all true, but it pretty much confirmed what you already felt.

"That makes sense. Isn't it great that now you get to experience me in person instead of by word-of-mouth~"

"…Uh huh. Well I feel like I should tell you now. That I plan to say yes."

"Say yes?"

"Say yes to marrying you."

You watch for any negative reactions but nothing. Though you were still sure he wasn't really interested in marriage.

"…Oh?"

"Listen I understand if you were forced into this position. In fact, I'm sure that you were. And to be honest I've never been partial to marriage myself. I always thought it wasn't in the cards for me…"

You take a step away from the railing closer to Asmodeus. "But wouldn't it be foolish to say no? Outside of the benefits it would have for my family. You're definitely one of the most sought after bachelors…and well just look at you. I'm almost a little envious…"

Asmodeus's curious face changes to something else. Something you can't really place your finger on. You just knew he didn't look very pleased.

"Well at least I know you're not blind." His fingers play with his fringe. "And that's all fine and dandy but…"

When Asmodeus stands and looks back at you your heart skips a beat. You take a step back as he takes one forward. "I hope you're ready to handle me because I don't think you can."

Oh my god what was happening?

You were frozen in place as Asmodeus trapped you against the railing between his arms. You didn't even think to push him away and just stood there stupidly.

"I-I…"

Rustling sounds from a nearby hedge, but when you both look in the direction of the noise there's giggling and the sound of retreating people.

You sigh. At least someone was enjoying the show.

You gently push at Asmodeus's chest so you can make space.

"Sorry sometimes the staff gets bored haha…er should we h-head back?"

"If that's what you want."

Asmodeus turns away from you. "I just want you to know that since this marriage is just a title I'll be sticking to my usual. Hope you don't mind~" He walks away humming to himself.

Your brows furrow…that man. Why'd he have to do all that? You weren't expecting anything different in the first place?

You let out a huge sigh. Was this going to be the norm from now on?

Well at least you both were on the same page about the marriage…. but you couldn't help but think a serious misunderstanding just occurred.

#U know when ur playing a game and you pick the wrong dialogue choice #Anyways got kinda lost there at the end #I was like...hmm i hope this makes sense! #i dont wanna overthink this and get tired too fast cause i would like to come up with more stuff before i get bored #obey me asmodeus #obey me asmodeus x reader #obey me asmodeus x mc #obey me nightbringer #anyways...not me using miscommunication for drama #dont worry itll be fixed quickly cause mc cant take the heat for long #and is like...whats ur freaking problem?? i didnt do anything to you?? #and asmo is still being passive aggressive but explains #and mc is like...im not trying to use u?? #i thought we could have a kinda mutual beneficial relationship here...? #or something like that #idk shits happening yall lol #Nefarelin is a made up place #i pulled from thin air #cause i didnt wanna say devildom lol

[steelthroat]

I had a dream in which Blaster ran a tumblr blog and he called it "LesB(l)aster" (which was supposed to be a smart pun because "blaster" and "lesbian disaster" idk don't ask me it's dream logic) with the lesbian-pride-flag-colored cassette as a header and he reblogged lesbian memes and he had specific posts planned weekly all about lesbians

Monday: historic lesbian figures (from all the universe) and discussions with Arcee

Tuesday: the cassettes answer questions and funcacts

Wednesday: [I don't remember but it was one of the days Arcee posted]

Thursday: [I don't remember]

Friday: lesbian fanfictions

Saturday: lesbian fanarts

Sunday: lesbian songs

At some point in the dream, I showed a guy friend one of the posts in which Blaster was announcing he was going to create a new music label for lesbians or something? And I was like "dude we need to form a lesbian band like yesterday!" And he was like "sure where do we get one?"

And then something else happened, and the dream changed.

#transformers #maccadam #steel rambles #maccadams #shitpost #blaster #transformers blaster #arcee #lesbian transformers blogs lol #dreams #steelmemes #my brain has elected Blaster as a lesbian icon apparently #I wanna make this a reality #as a joke #the problem is that I don't know enough about lesbians from all the universe to run a blog

[hecksupremechips]

To also go off of the point about cop!akihiko being annoying to me I gotta say that Akihiko as a character is very hit or miss with me because of how different adaptations of p3 will subtly alter his character. I felt like in portable with the femc route he comes off best, he’s a bit of a hothead with an obsession with fighting, but he’s overcompensating his strength so he doesn’t feel as weak and helpless as he’s been in many situations. He defines strength in a very literal sense, being physically strong and using that to protect others, but he’s lacking in emotional strength as a result. And in particular in this version I think he’s portrayed as a bit more goofy and sweet in a sense. He cares deeply for you as a friend and leader but he struggles with finding the words to describe how he feels. Hes kinda naive and gullible and has trouble noticing his surroundings. He has no clue what he’s doing but his heart is in the right place. I think he just comes off much more human and he has flaws, many many flaws, and that makes him all the more lovable

But then in other adaptations and spinoffs it’s like. They look at him through some hetero male bullshit filter and seem to view him as a lot more admirable and cool. Like in p3 dancing, theres literally an event where he’s talking with Junpei and Minato and they’re gushing about how perfect Akihiko is and how he doesn’t seem to have ANY flaws at all. And it becomes clear his inability to flirt with women just gets added as a way to make sure you, the Straight Male Player, don’t get insecure being next to such Perfection because at the end of the day, you’re still more charming and sexy than he will ever be because you’re better. It’s a “flaw” that’s only there to shield a sensitive male ego. And then in arena I mean, come on. He’s overly beefy and is a damn cop and travels the world and loves Protein™️ it’s his whole personality and he’s so clearly meant to be seen as hot but like, he’s just some shitty hetero male fantasy. Hes what the writers deem to be a Perfect Man that every guy wishes he could be, but don’t worry he’s still bad with women so you don’t gotta worry about him stealing your property- I mean, girlfriend!

And though I’ve not played reload and don’t really plan to anytime soon, judging from his social episodes they seem to have a similar problem. Akihiko comes off as a lot less approachable, like the year age gap is just too much of a barrier to get to know him properly. And he doesn’t have that dorky sweetness he has in portable, he’s just that perfect hetero male fantasy guy and don’t you fucking worry- he still has his protein powder with him

#persona #persona 3 #akihiko sanada #does this make sense like i feel like im going crazy cuz okay #akihiko isnt in my top 3 characters (shinji ken and fuuka lol) but hes teetering on the edge hes number 4! #i really loved him in portable i worked my ass off to get his social link i had him on my team the entire game #i found him really cute and endearing and hilarious but then like i played dancing #and er well i never got all his events cuz im bad at that game but i noticed that subtle difference #and then watching reload clips i felt it again i was like good god i hate this guy i wanna beat him up #which is so weird since hes one of my favorite characters so like what the hell is that #but i really think it is just this filter hes being presented with like when hes supposed to be a love interest #hes allowed to be more flawed and adorably pathetic and sensitive #like hes the one who wants to do the protecting but you end up protecting him you know? #so yeah this is what i mean when i say that if any straight person looks at akihiko sanada i will melt them with lasers #my mitsuru rant is a lot longer but its very similar just that ughh disgusting filter shes presented through I HATE IT I HATE IT SO MUCH #i think having kotone as the protagonist fixes most problems so i consider that the solution lol but i think Aki not getting a real social #link is a major disservice and creates that super annoying upperclassman divide that makes him unapproachable and idolized

[smilesrobotlover]

This is the last of the Kori doodles for today I swear

#love at twilight #kori #legend of zelda au #Renado is like. the second person to know about Kori #cuz Rusl convinced Link that he needs a doctor in case Kori gets sick #and that’s when they discover Kori’s biting problem lol #gosh i had no idea that this cringey fanficky child would consume my thoughts but he is #Beth is a great babysitter :) #i really love her design #she’s just a bow person you know? #also I imagine Colin being tall and lanky #even taller than his dad #rip link he never had a chance at being tall #now his little brother his taller than him #but no worries Kori will also be taller than him #i wanna write this story so bad but it’s kinda messy #it always starts out simple and then spirals outta control 🙄 #also Renado my beloved

[aqqleshiqqing-archive]

HELLO I AM FORMALLY INTRODUCING ANOTHER ROMANTIC SILLY WITH A WEDDING EDIT AHAKAKAHAKAKAJA MR AND MRS STONE BABYYYYYY LEZGOOOO

their kid is ruby and nobody will change my mind smh smh

og ref below!

i stitched this screenshot - i feel so proud rn HSHSHAHAHAHAH

#this was the most impulsive decision i ever done #it started off as me wanting to listen to oras champion ost and my eyes landed on a hyperlink that has JESSIE AND STEVEN IN A WEDDING #I WAS LIKE WAIT HOLD WHAT'S HAPPENING AND THEN I WATCHED THE EP IMMEDIATELY (as you saw from old post LMAO) #GIRLIE HAD PRIORITIES AND EDITED THIS IMMEDIATELY #anyways yesyes frfr hello i Love Steven Stone i think hes the loveliest man ever #they're not married nor do they have kids in canon but for comfort's sake they totally got married HEHEHEHEH #HAVE I MENTIONED HOW HANDSOME STEVEN IS??? HELLO??? I WANNA MWMAMWMAA HIM SO BAD #editing jessie wasnt a problem... but trying to replicate the overuse of FILTERS messed me over but i tried #BUT I REALLY LIKE THIS SO THIS IS A WIN #there's still another wedding panel... might edit that who knows ehehhehee #ANYWAYS I LOVE THIS SM STEVAIDE SOLOS #THIS IS JAIDE BTW. SEPARATE ENTITY FROM THE ONE WITH RED. CONFUSING I KNOW BUT DW LOL #~ art #selfshipping #selfship #selfship community #OKAY I WILL SLEEP SOON. I MADE TOO MANY TAGS SHSJSKKSLS #jaide (mangaverse).insert #♥️ memoryshipping

[crownedwille]

I've come to the conclusion that loving young royals doesn't mean I can't be critical about it, maybe especially bc I love the show so much I have such strong feelings about it, good and bad and I can love parts of canon and agree with it and appreciate it but I don't have to love it all. I have accepted that it's okay if I don't accept the ending and I don't have to force myself to support it. It's okay to not agree with all of canon and it's okay to not side with all of the creators' intentions/views. Loving a show doesn't mean you have to take everything the writers say on face value and that's the only version that is allowed to exist. Canon isn't everything and fandom is about curating your own experience that makes you happy and not miserable. You don't have to dismiss canon in every aspect and ignore it entirely, that's certainly not what I want but there is a fine line between being canon respectful, allowing some parts to exist and sometimes, yes, you just have to say "fuck canon" and move on for your own sanity and wellbeing

#especically in the first two weeks of a new release everyone is feelings lots of intense emotions ranging from ecstatic to angry #everything in between is a part of it and i know i'm also feeling very strongly about it right now #i always try to stay levelheaded and rational and see things from an objective pov and be diplomatic about discourse #i don't want any of what i say drift off too much into meaningless hate instead of the constructive criticism it's supposed to be #but when you feel so strongly about something and sometimes you really just wanna say yeah i fucking hate it lol #but i always try to explain why and give understandable arguments and not just blindly hate on something #for example - I'm aware there are fans who have some problems with s2 and don't love the season whereas i do and it's my fave #and there is a difference between expressing some criticism and justified concerns which you can understand where it comes from #and those who are just like 'oh it's a horrible season. it was so shitty and we should get rid of it' which is dumb hate and just not true #and i can't support people like that and take them seriously #i can have my own issues with s3 from a subjective pov which can also include some justified criticism as well #but also still acknowledge it as a truly good piece of tv media and the quality is top notch #and that's why you have such high expectations and have critique because it is so good and sets such a high standard #yrtalk #with that being said i understand ppl not wanting to see any critic about it if they are riding the high of happy wilmon endgame #but that doesn't mean that i can't express my own opinions on my own blog and i will continue to do so #and maybe one day i will feel differently and accept or even like the ending who knows #but it doesn't have to happen. it's fine if it does but it's also fine if it doesn't

[pcktknife]

"nooo you don't want to be a vampire immortality is a burden" pshhh it's only a burden if you're boring as fuck like I could learn how become a master chef and still have the time to paint and learn instruments and party for a century like how is that a bad thing???

honestly but I did just remember how much I like italian food mm I still wanna get bit but I would be sad if I couldn't get a lil bit a garlic when I want

#sigh and i guess i like the sun on my skin sometimes or whatever 🙄 #im thinking too much about it im still down little sacrifices n all that #asks #anon #the immortality was never the problem tho like i get why other ppl dont want that it is kind of its own curse but like ....my curious nature #whats goin on past my death i wanna know im nosey lol

[moodr1ng]

now and again i remember the first time i knowingly met another trans person.. i was a preteen at summer camp, and on the first day we were all sitting around and one of the camp counselors said something about how theres x number of boys and girls, and i was like "no, theres (one more) boys" and pointed out each of the boys. i was then told one of the people id picked out was actually a girl, and i was terribly embarrassed but he just laughed and said it was ok. he was presenting in a very masculine way both in style and behavior and i kept "messing up" and gendering him as a boy and then profusely apologizing, and hed just say "its fine, i actually prefer that". eventually one night he told me and a few other kids that he wanted to be a boy and he was gonna get surgery for it one day. then i just kept on gendering him as a boy. he never used the word transgender or really got into the details of it so it didnt really click to me that this was a thing you could do (that i could do?) and it wouldnt really until i later stumbled onto transgender blogs and articles online, but looking back now its a sweet memory. i hope it made that kid really happy that i couldnt help but gender him properly multiple times before he ever actually clarified his identity lol

#97 #considered using they/them bc we were young kids and i dont wanna assume he still goes by he/him #but then i thought that i wouldnt use they/them when talking about a cis kid i used to know #even though any of them may be trans now. so nah #i was Notably Bad at gendering people correctly for an embarrassingly long time #like even as an older teen when i myself ided as trans i would often misgender other trans people accidentally #bc none of us passed and i rly struggled with that #(was not yet at the 'anyone of any gender can look like anything' stage) #(wasnt malicious or on purpose i just. had yet to really internalize a lotta shit about appearance) #and ofc i always felt shitty about it whenever that happened though everyone was very courteous about that issue #anyway this is the one time that that problem actually worked out for everyone lol

[geoffrey]

the seperation of lesbians and gay men is a travesty. "why are there so many historic gay bars and only like a handful of lesbian bars in the whole country" why are being gay and lesbian not the same thing in this context. you dont need to fuck everyone at the bar and it is a problem that needs to be addressed if these spaces arent mutually hospitable. and this applies to most gay/lesbian spaces imo

#its just wrong to assume gay spaces arent for women and if any gay men are reinforcing that it needs to be stopped lol #but a lot of it seems like very gender-biased willing exclusion bc they dont wanna associate with men #which um. grow up to you too #gender segregation is just evil period #other than intimate circumstances if you refuse to hang around people you perceive as x gender #its a problem you need to work on it's not just a right you've earned #now yes of course there are able to be specific cases of bars that are more explicitly lesbian or gay #but assuming if a bar is a ''gay bar'' its just for gay men is a fallacy... do you even go to these places? #''buh buh buh if theres a drag show drag is insulting to women cis and trans'' its not. address your revulsion #i know i come across harsh toned im actually more being flabbergasted that weve got to this point rather than saying hey you in particular #its just so strange to have grew up in the gay climate i did where the only lesbian flag was just lipstick lesbian and the girls didnt like #if you assumed every lesbian fell under it and to just use rainbow #and now people act like gay and lesbian arent synonyms because of gender seperatism. which disproportionally hurts members of the lgbt #community because they are more likely to be gnc lol #also a lot of individual opinions you just see the terf hand guiding. #and i HATE THE TOOTHPASTE FLAG!! #no pink flag for girls so blue flag for boys get the fuck out of my face #i dont want to superficially share my experiences with gay men i need community with gay PEOPLE

[blossom-of-kaleidos]

i'm so close to making an r/aita post, but instead being an asshole, i need to ask Am I Too Autistic bc tl;dr my auditory sensory issues are set off fucking constantly by a coworker in my area always coughing due to some chronic condition that i'm obviously not going to ask about--i already feel like an asshole just for be so aggravated by that

but i've been fucking miserable for the last couple months as the problem has gotten worse. it's to the point where my productivity is affected because now i absolutely dread making phone calls (which i already dread a fair amount, being autistic lol) as that leaves me open to hearing the coworker. i'm allowed to listen to music whenever i'm not speaking with someone, but even then, the problem has felt so much worse...

my job already let me switch locations before. i had started at our pediatric clinic which was even WORSE because crying babies was like torture for me lol. any kind of bodily noise is my trigger, so i've been having a sans-certified bad time. idk if it's reasonable to ask to be moved again though. i don't even think we have any other space for me to go here, and this is the closest location to my house... last time there was a brief scare where they considered relocating me to their corporate office 40 minutes away. fuck all that

#dae.txt #i don't know what to fucking doooo #but you know it's bad when i've resorted to bitching about it here lol #any advice? would be appreciated? ;v; #scared to think about leaving this job for what i'm sure is perceived is a very minor problem #i don't wanna risk being stuck unemployed again #but fuck man i dunno how much more i can take!!!

[keeps-ache]

wink blink look !!

#art #my art #artists on tumblr #digital art #sona #ouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhgghhhh #am i RIGHT guys hfhvs #:33 #//not many thoughts recently #not many thoughts for a while actually lol #must've talked myself weary! huh! #/let me try at this though - i feel like i have some little part of my brain that's all stopped up #it's been like that for a minute ! #/ah but a question - do you ever stand by a bit of forest and hear what are distinctly Whispers ? #i know it's definitely the wind but it's fun to think it's anything else lol :>> #ghosts or fairies or the road down the hill for whatever reason #/oh and speaking of hearing i got a weird + shrill + loud tone in my ear the other day and it just didn't happen again #a sudden EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE and then it stopped lmao #funky stuff man. wonder what's up with that hfhs #//anyway i'm working on my artfight references rn lol :) #i've finished one! what a miracle!! hfsh- #it looks a lot better than the one last year like Wow. don't think the same person made these you know what i mean hfh #//ah i've also started using padlet for realsies this time :> #it's a neat spot - it's gonna be great to just have the palettes i need on another device loll #that's the biggest problem i have on this planet! having to scroll my blog for palettes is not the most fun thing hfsh #/anyway gonna get back to it!! #i'm sort of tired but i Really wanna make kira and hid's this yearrr #they are very ~+~+~ <3 ~+~+~ to me lol :>> #so toodles ! here i go again hfhsv

[bueris]

okay maybe I should seriously reconsider my path in life and sell my soul to marketing or journalism instead

#okay venting in the tags you are very welcome to ignore or not respond to it i just need to yell somewhere #i always thought id be an art therapist because well i care about people and want to help them and love art #but everyday i wake up feeling like a fraud and an imposter so like. should i really be doing all that when im not entirely #certain i cpuld handle it??? like i know i haven't gotten the meaty bit of the education towards that yet but like #university costs a disgusting amount of money here and if i pick the wronf thing im likely doomed forever thanks to awful government #i know things could get better like they did after thatcher but honestly im not putting any bets on it considering how the current labour #party is so like if i fuck up here im basically dead #also can i actually do art uni. like could i cope with that. im deeply unethused with art at the moment and honestly will i evwr be #idk #it was jusr a thing i always did but education around it is fucking soul sucking #also the emotional weight of hearing and solving people's problems as a therapist. i would consider myself quite empathetic for the most #part i feel other people's pain quite strongly and obviously as a therapist id be feeling that quite a bit so could i actually cope with it? #ik therapists have therapists but still #i mean im doing work experience at an occupational therapy place so ill just be extra inquisitive about it all to make sure im going #the way i wanna #I'll be fine by the end of a levels ill probably understand what i want in life #if not then gap year to work it out #should probably look at unis for english language too then #sigh #ucas website i may as well marry you #ill be okay im getting in my head about stuff im actually pretty good at art even if there are things i can improve on (like patience lol) #yeah maybe the voice telling me i suck doesnt know shit and should shut up #yeah #shut it nasty voice you're wrong actually!!! im doing just fine and you're being overly critical #they should make a brain that's your friend and not mush that hides the amalgamation of every bad thing ever in its crevices #crevices shoyild be filled with kindness and love. #sex jokes about that #why the fuck is yahoo mail syncing i dont use you you washed up search engine #bue waffling #vent post