#I wanted to post the second chapter and the epilogue at the same time but | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

avastrasposts · 7 months

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The Pilot and his Girl - ch. 35**

I wrote this while on holiday so any mistakes I blame on sun stroke and cocktails! This is the second to last chapter! I'm not ready! Chapter 36 will be the last chapter and then I've got an epilogue planned. How will I say good bye to these two!? Please enjoy what's left 😭

Series Master List

Chapter 36- Warnings have their own post - Word count: 10.4k

The night passes quietly, and you watch the sunrise over the eastern horizon across the river while Frankie sleeps in the tent with baby Jack. As the sun starts to warm up the cool prairie air, you make some breakfast, dreaming of the days you could have coffee, and hear Frankie stir as Jack begins to cry. You listen to your husband soothe him, and with a pang of longing you wonder if Frankie makes the same soft cooing sounds for Jack as he did for Lucía. Frankie had told you years ago that he’d been petrified when Lucia was born, he’d been in such a bad state and not able to enjoy having a baby girl. But he’d grown into such an incredible dad by the time you met him, it was hard to imagine him being anything but a proud doting father.

The zipper of the tent slides open and Frankie crawls out, Jack held tight to his chest with one hand. The boy is staring up at Frankie’s beard and as you watch, Frankie carefully gets to his feet and smiles at Jack, dipping his chin low enough so that one chubby little hand can come up and grab at the scruffy hair.

“Ouch, you little scoundrel,” Frankie chuckles, “you’ve got some grip in those tiny hands.”

You smile and hand Frankie a bowl of ravioli as he gently sinks down next to you, “Careful, he’ll give you another bald patch,” you tease and Frankie rolls his eyes at Jack.

“Listen to her, going after my poor beard now, as if she doesn’t love my bald patches.”

“True, I do love them,” you lean forward and press your lips to the one on his right jaw, “pull harder, Jack.”

The baby gurgles happily in Frankie's lap, reaching up for the beard again.

“I’ve prepared some food for him too, I cut up the ravioli,” you pick up the bowl, “do you want me to feed him while you eat?”

“No, I’ll do it, if you wanna pack up the tent?”

“Sure, I’ll pack up,” you give the bowl to Frankie and you can’t help but smile as he takes it, barely looking at you as Jack grabs his finger and blows a spit bubble. In all your years with Frankie, in an increasingly hard environment, you’d never have guessed that a little foundling baby would be the thing that made your husband melt into a puddle.

As you take down the tent and roll up the sleeping bags you listen to Frankie talk to Jack, an endless stream of baby nonsense. When the baby swallows the last bite of food, Frankie praises him, gently wiping his mouth with the sleeve of his shirt. As you put Frankie’s pack next to him, he wraps Jack into the makeshift kangaroo pouch and ties it around his chest.

“I’ll take him, since you carried him all day yesterday, rest your shoulders today, cariño,” he says, adjusting Jack’s legs.

“Are you sure? You’ve got a pretty heavy pack,” you say, slipping one of Frankie’s socks onto Jack’s head to protect him from the sun.

“Yeah, if you take the rifle today it’ll be fine.”

…

The three of you keep walking west, the endless prairie slowly giving way to more hills and trees. Far off in the distance you can see the high peaks of the Rocky Mountains, impossibly high in the clear air. At the end of another long day of walking you’ve climbed up, away from the prairie and into low hills that slowly stretch up towards the high mountain range to the west. While you rested at midday you’d actually managed to run down some sort of chicken, it looked fairly domesticated and Frankie guessed that chickens must’ve escaped from farms after the outbreak and multiplied. Whatever it was, you managed to wring its neck without getting too squeamish and hang it from your backpack.

You feel like you’ve crossed all of Wyoming on foot when the sun finally starts dropping and nothing worth noting has crossed your path since you left the pick up, no infected, no people, only animals in the distance. The farms and houses you’ve passed have been empty and mostly looted, people have passed through here before you but it’s impossible to know when. You realize finding Jack’s uncle will be like finding a needle in a haystack, if the group he was with even got as far as Wyoming, it seems unlikely you’ll meet anyone out here and maybe that’s for the best..

At sundown you make camp a mile from the road you’ve been following. It’s far enough away from anything that Frankie risks a campfire and grills the bird you’d caught whole. Even Jack can eat the tender meat when you cut it up and he even seems to enjoy it.

“I’ve been looking at the map,” Frankie says, bringing it over to the campfire so that you can see, “and I’ve got a couple of options, tell me what you think.”

You lean into him as he spreads the map out onto the ground in front of you. “There's a place up here, about five miles from the road.” He points to a spot on the map, “It’s got a small river running next to it, the mountain on one side and this open valley on the other side. It’s marked as a private ranch on the map key. It could be what we need. But there’s another place,” he moves his finger and points to a place much further north, “it’s another twenty miles into the mountains, up this valley that we’re in.”

“I’m guessing there’s a good reason why you want to walk another twenty miles?” you say, looking at the long stretch of land that lies between you and the spot Frankie’s fingers is resting on.

“Yeah, this place is a small hydroelectric dam. If we get there I could probably get it up and running and we’d have actual electricity, heating, hot water.” He looks up at you with an excited smile, “I was thinking about it today, even if it doesn’t work now, I could fix it somehow and the place is so remote, it’s bound to have all the equipment needed on site. I know it’s a long shot, but it’s only another half days' walk, with a potentially huge reward.”

You look at the dam location, tucked away at the river mouth, a few miles from the main road. Plenty of fish in the lake probably, and open land full of game, provided you’d be able to craft something to hunt with.

“It looks like a better location than the ranch, but probably a bigger risk of infected, if the people who worked there didn’t get away.”

“Yeah, that’s the main drawback,” Frankie says, “we’d have to be very careful clearing it out.” He’s tapping the map thoughtfully before he looks up at you. “It’s up to you completely, if you don’t want to risk it, we go with the ranch, live settler style. Maybe that is the better option, safer for now at least.”

“The dam could attract other people too, if they have the same idea as you,” you say and Frankie nods.

“Yeah, there’s always the risk of other people too, although, so far Wyoming seems pretty empty to be honest.” He folds up the map, “We’ll sleep on it, see how we feel tomorrow, we could just go check out the ranch first, it’s almost on the way.”

Behind you Jack shifts and begins to cry and you pick him up, tucking him into your arms.

“I’ll set up the tent and take the first watch, cariño, see if you can get him to go back to sleep.”

“He’s usually asleep by now, maybe he got a tummy ache from the food,” you stand up and start rocking him the way you used to rock your nieces when they were babies. The thought makes you wince, over the years you’ve come to terms with all the people you lost when the outbreak happened, your parents, siblings, friends. But sometimes, when you do something that reminds you of them, it’s like touching a piece of glass inside your chest and the cut is fresh. Gently bouncing on your feet you try to remember how old they’d be by now but you get stuck, in your mind they’re forever little girls, just slightly older than Lucía.

Jack just won’t settle, his cries cut through the still night, no matter how much you and Frankie try to soothe him. Even Frankie’s beard goes untouched, the tiny fists clenched hard as Jack wails in Frankie’s arms. It feels like he cries for hours, sleeping is out of the question, you can’t shut your ears to Jack’s crying and you’re starting to worry that anyone or anything in the vicinity will hear and come to investigate.

“Give him to me,” Frankie suddenly says, handing you the rifle, “I had an idea, my abuela once told me I had tummy aches as a baby every time I’d eaten and she’d hang me over her shoulder.” He gently takes Jack from you and hangs him, belly down, over his shoulder. His large hand holds Jack steady as he gently begins to rock on his feet and you walk around his back so that you can see Jack’s face. He’s still crying but as Frankie moves back and forth he seems to calm down a little.

“Keep going, I think it’s working,” you say and Frankie starts walking circles around the fireplace while you keep watch around the campsite. There’s a new moon in the clear sky and you look up at the thin sliver and all the bright stars. You’ll never get over how bright they really are once you’re out in the countryside. When the world came crashing down it took a long time before you had the peace of mind to sit in the dark and look at the sky. It wasn’t really until you were out on the boat, sailing from New York, that you’d noticed them again. Now you search out familiar constellations and find the North Star. Behind you Jack is finally quiet, you can hear Frankie gently humming a lullaby you don’t recognize.

“Arroz con leche me quiero casar, con una señorita de Portugal….” and he hums a few notes, the words forgotten, before you hear him sing again, “Con esta sí, con esta no, con esta señorita me caso yo.”

You turn and smile at him and you hear a branch snap behind you, fear shooting through your veins like ice. Your heart drops into your stomach as you swing round, raising your rifle towards the sound, you suddenly see several shadows moving in the corner of your eyes. You hear Frankie rush up behind you, his back against yours as he turns and scans the dark forest.

“Lower your guns, there’s more of us than you,” comes a man’s voice from in front of you as several people step into the light of the campfire, guns raised. You can see at least five of them, and from the footsteps behind you, at least another five you can’t see.

“Lower your gun, cariño,” Frankie says, his voice low, “and take Jack.”

You give Frankie a scared look as you lay your rifle on the ground and take the baby from him, tucking him into your arms, one hand protectively cradled over his head. Frankie raises one hand and slowly pulls his gun from the back of his pants with the other, laying it down on the ground.

“Step away from her, five steps back,” the man barks, jerking his head at Frankie.

“We don’t want any trouble,” Frankie says, “We’re just passing through, the baby was ill.”

“Step back,” the man snaps, taking a step forward and raising his gun, aiming at Frankie. You look over your shoulder at Frankie, he gives you a small nod.

“It’ll be fine,” he says, slowly backing away from you.

“Have you been around any infected?” the man asks and behind him you see a woman stepping forward, a German Shepard on a leash.

“We haven’t seen anyone since we left Nebraska,” Frankie says, “no people or infected.”

“If you’re lying the dog will sniff it out and rip you to shreds,” the man keeps his rifle on Frankie and nods to the woman to unclip the dog. It growls and runs over first to you and sniffs around your legs before padding over to Frankie and doing the same. Satisfied that neither of you are infected, the woman whistles the dog back..

“We’re looking for a man named Jack,” you say, before the man with the rifle has a chance to decide what to do next, “We found his sister in Nebraska, she’d escaped from slavers with her baby boy,” you nod down at baby Jack in your arms. “She was dying and asked us to find her brother and bring her son to him.”

You see how the woman with the dog and the man exchange a look, a blink of recognition, before the woman speaks up.

“The woman, her name was Julia?” she asks and both you and Frankie nod.

“Yes!” you exclaim, “Do you know her?”

The man with the rifle holds up his hand but the woman answers anyway, “Did she say what Jacks’ last name was?”

“No...” you hesitate, “she only said the boy’s name is Jack Connolly and that he was named after her brother. He was heading to Wyoming with a group of people.”

“We were heading for White River,” the woman replies, “Jack, his last name was Connolly too, was with us until two months ago. I’m sorry, but he died.”

“We didn’t know him,” Frankie says, “and we didn’t know Julia either, but I’m sorry to hear he died. It would’ve been nice to bring baby Jack to his family.”

“Juan,” the man with the rifle says, looking at a man somewhere in the tree line, “don’t let them move, I need to talk to Maria.” He motions to the woman with the dog to follow him back into the trees, out of earshot. You glance over at Frankie who’s still standing five steps away from you and he gives you a small smile, but you can see the concern in his eyes.

You look back down at baby Jack, sleeping in your arms now. You had been thinking about the possibility of not finding his uncle, and then you and Frankie would have to take care of him, but it had been a vague ‘what if?’. Having a child of your own with Frankie had never been an option ever since the outbreak, not even in the relative safety of Arlington or Boston. But taking care of an orphan child who really has no one else, that seemed like a very easy decision to make when you were faced with it. But Jack was never yours, you were only taking care of him until you found his family. But now? If his uncle was gone, you felt responsible for him, for the promise you’d made to his mother. Looking down at him, you couldn’t help reflecting over how strange it felt to suddenly be an adoptive parent of this little boy.

The man and the woman called Maria come back through the trees and wave Frankie and you over.

“Alright, I’m Patrick, this is Maria. Sorry about the curt welcome committee, we can’t be too careful about people out here.”

“Yeah, we get that,” Frankie says, taking Patrick’s outstretched hand. “I’m Frankie and this is my wife.”

You shake Patrick’s hand and then Maria’s, giving them your name.

“You seem like decent people, and you have Jack’s nephew to care for, so we’d like to give you two options,” Maria says, looking between the two of you, “We have a settlement not too far from here, you’re welcome to come with us and seek shelter. We’ll have to confiscate your guns until we know we can trust you and we’ll expect you to help out with whatever you can. If you don’t like it, you’ll be free to leave whenever you want.” She looks at you and then down at Jack sleeping in your arms, “But I think that once you see how the community works, that you’ll be able to keep baby Jack safe, you’ll want to stay,” she smiles at the little boy, as he stirs in his sleep, his little hand waving free from the blanket. “He actually looks like his uncle, does he have blue eyes too?”

“Yeah, he does, big blue eyes,” you smile, looking at Jack and tucking in his arm again.

“So what do you think?” Patrick asks and you glance over at Frankie, it sounds almost too good to be true, but if this is the group Jack’s mother wanted you to seek out with her son then maybe it’s worth a shot.

“What’s the second option?” Frankie asks.

“We leave you to fend for yourself out here, no hard feelings. But we would prefer it if you came with us. Every person we leave out here is a potential infected down the line.”

“But we’d really like you to come to Jackson with us, especially seeing as you have the baby. Jack was a good man and we’d like to make sure his nephew is safe,” Patrick says and from the corner of your eye you see several of the other people nod.

“Can I talk to my wife in private for a minute?” Frankie says and Maria nods and steps back a little with Patrick. Frankie takes your hand and you walk to the other side of the fire.

“What do you think, cariño?” he asks in a low voice, his fingers threading between yours.

“I think it might be worth the risk to trust them,” you say, “They seem genuine.”

Frankie nods, “I think it might be our best chance at getting to a safe place, even if our plan was to get somewhere safe just you and me.”

“But with baby Jack, we could really need a community, it’s not just you and me,” you say, stroking your hand over the baby’s head. It’s only been a few days but you’re already feeling very protective of him.

“Yeah, and about him, with his uncle dead, I guess it’s on you and me to take care of him? Are we gonna be his parents?” Frankie looks down at Jack, you can see his eyes soften as gently caresses the rosy cheek with his finger.

“It’s not how I imagined this ending but I don’t think I could give him up now, could you? I feel responsible for him after what we promised his mother.”

“Yeah, I’m thinking the same,” Frankie says, looking back up at you, “So I guess we’re parents now and we go with Maria and Patrick? At least to check it out? Hopefully they meant what they said about us leaving if we don’t want to stay, but I think we can risk it?”

You nod and together you walk back to others.

“Alright,” Frankie says, “We’ll hand over our guns and come with you. We feel responsible for baby Jack and it seems you might be the option to keep him safe.”

Maria nods, “I’m happy you think that, I hope you’ll wanna stay with us once you see what we’re building.” She turns and waves forward a younger man, “Ned, get Winston please, if you can ride with Nellie on the way back these two can ride him with the baby. She turns back to you, “Winston is a very steady and gentle horse, he’ll keep you safe on the ride back.”

The horses had been left out of earshot of the camp and you’re delighted to see a small herd of them once you’ve packed up. Winston turns out to be a large bay horse who lets you reach up and stroke his soft nose while he nickers gently. Frankie swings himself into the saddle with ease and a happy look, giving the horse a pat on the neck. You hand Jack to him and Maria helps you hang your packs on the side of the saddle before you get on behind Frankie.

“All these years, Frankie,” you smile as the group sets out, “and I never knew you were such a cowboy.” You’ve got your arms around his waist, Jack is safely tucked into the makeshift pouch on his chest.

“My uncle had horses,” he says, “and he taught me how to ride, just haven’t done it in years, but it’s like riding a bike.” He clicks his tongue and Winston sets off, following Maria and Patrick’s horses. “How about you, are you ok back there?” he gives your hand a gentle squeeze.

“Yeah, I’m ok,” you bury your nose in his soft shirt, holding on to him, “I was never a great rider but I know how to stay on at least.”

“Just hang on to me, cariño, Winston and me won’t let you fall.”

The ride back to the group's camp only takes a couple of hours, Maria and Patrick leading the way cross country rather than following the road. The sky lightens and Maria rides up next to you and points down a hill towards a large lake.

“That’s Jackson,” she says, “and that’s the dam we’re trying to get fixed. If we manage we’ll have electricity.”

“That’s the dam we saw on the map, cariño,” Frankie says, “We were thinking about coming here and seeing if it was fixable.”

“Do you know anything about how hydroelectric dams work?” Maria asks, raising her eyebrows at Frankie and he shakes his head.

“No, not really, not more than the theory of it. But I’m used to fixing a lot of different things, I used to be a pilot before the outbreak.”

“I don’t want to get into it now, but we will have a conversation with the two of you later about what skills you have that can be useful for the community,” Maria says as the group rides up a large gate set in the wall surrounding the town. “But for now, let's get you settled, it’s been a long night for us all.” She waves to the men guarding the gate and someone on the inside pulls it open.

“We’ll put you up in one of the empty houses for now, we’ve cleaned them all out and there’s sheets and pillows in most of them.”

You look around you as the horses pass through the gate. The sky is light, the sun almost up, and it casts a golden glow over the western themed houses. Maria points down the street and you see a wood barricade at the end of it.

“Down there is the rest of the town, we’ve only walled off this smaller area so far, it was already a gated community so we built on the existing walls.”

“Is the rest of the town cleared of infected?” Frankie asks and Maria nods.

“Yeah, we had to do it bit by bit, but we cleared the last house a month ago. But it’s outside the wall so it’s not completely safe, we still get infected wandering in sometimes.That’s why we have guards and patrols to handle them and any potential raiders.”

She leads you to the stables and you dismount, Ned comes over and takes Winston’s reins.

“I’ll get him dried off, just go with Maria and get settled,” he says with a smile and Frankie slides off, one hand on Jack and then gives you a hand down. You yawn wide as you get down, the sleepless night is catching up with you as you feel safer.

Maria leads you to a small house near the outskirts of the gated community and opens the door.

“This will be your place for now, or at least if you decide to stay with us,” she says, motioning you inside. “There’s no food here, come to the mess hall for that. But try to get some rest first, there’s a crib for Jack in one of the upstairs bedrooms.”

“Thanks Maria, we’re very grateful for your help,” you say and she gives you a quick nod.

“I’m sure you’re hoping you didn’t make a mistake in trusting us, and I’m hoping we didn’t make a mistake in trusting you,” she says, “We’re a small community and we need decent people to keep this place safe and thriving, I hope my gut feeling about you two is correct.”

“It is, we’re just looking for somewhere good and safe to settle down, even before we found baby Jack,” Frankie says, “If you are who you say you are, we’ll be happy to help build the community.”

“Good, that’s great to hear,” she says, moving towards the door, “I’ll see you both later today, there’s firewood outback if you want to heat up water and clean up.”

With that she leaves, closing the door behind her, and you find yourself alone with Frankie in a house, a safe house, for the first time in years.

“Hermosa,” Frankie slides his arm around your waist, “you look dead on your feet, c’mon, let’s sleep before we do anything else.”

You nod, yawning big again and letting Frankie guide you up the stairs to the second floor where you found what looks like a master bedroom. The house looks well preserved despite all the years it’s been abandoned and there’s pillows and sheets with thick blankets on the bed. It looks very inviting and you groan at the sight of it. Sliding off your backpack you sit down on the bed while Frankie smiles at you, bouncing Jack on his arms. He’d woken up during the ride but now he’s yawning again.

“I’ll find the crib for Jack,,” Frankie says, “Just go to bed, cariño, I’ll be right there.”

You give him a grateful nod and start unlacing your boots and peeling off your clothes. Everything you own is grimy and unwashed but you find your least dirty t-shirt and change into it. As you pull back the sheets Frankie comes yawning through the door.

“The crib is in the room across the hall,” he says, “Jack fell asleep instantly but I left the door open so we’ll hear him if he wakes up.”

“Hopefully he’s as tired as us and we can get a few hour’s sleep,” you yawn, sliding into the bed as Frankie starts pulling off his clothes. It doesn’t take him long to climb in next to you. You yawn again and Frankie pulls you into his arms, tucking your head in under his chin.

“Sleep, hermosa, I think we’re safe here for now,” he whispers, running his fingers through your hair and you feel yourself slip into sleep without even trying. The last thing you register is Frankie’s lips against your cheek.

When you wake up a few hours later you think for a minute that you’re in a dream. You’re warm under the covers, Frankie’s arm is wrapped around your waist and you can feel his shallow breaths against your neck. The bed under you is soft and a shaft of sunlight is filtering in through the closed curtains, hitting a painting of a mountain landscape. You let your eyes drift around the room and take it in as you slowly remember where you are; Jackson, a safe place at last.

Frankie stirs behind you, tightening his grip around your waist, “Morning, cariño,” he mumbles and pushes his nose into your hair, inhaling and kissing your neck.

“More like ‘afternoon’,” you smile, reaching back and threading your fingers through his curls.

“Mhmm…I slept like a log,” he rolls over and stretches out, pulling you with him so that you end up half on top of him. You lean your chin on his chest and trace your fingers through his scruffy beard.

“Me too, and it seems like Jack did too,” you mumble, kissing his chest as he strokes your hair. And right on cue, Jack whimpers from the room across the hall and begins to cry.

“I’ll get him,” you say, pushing yourself off the bed, “he’s probably hungry, it’s been hours since he ate.”

“I know how he feels,” Frankie mutters, “I’m starving, we should see if we can give him the last of the spagettios and then go to the mess hall Maria mentioned.” He sits up and shoves his fingers through his curls, making them stand on end.

While you get Jack and get him to stop crying, Frankie gets the camping stove out and heats up some food.

“Hey, look,” he calls from downstairs, “someone’s left some supplies on the porch.” He comes in with a bag as you bring Jack down. “Looks like some clean clothes both for us and Jack, and some diapers.” He holds up some reusable diapers, “they’ve thought of everything.”

He comes over to Jack and gives his little belly a poke, “did you poop your pants, little man? Yeah, you did, I can smell you.” Frankie chuckles as Jack giggles and squeals. “Do you wanna do food or poop?” he asks you with a grin and you immediately hand Jack over to him.

“Food, you’re on poop duty,” you reply, grinning back at him and Frankie makes a grimace.

“Knew you’d say that, cariño,” he sighs, “I shouldn’t have asked.”

“Too late now, Frankie,” you laugh and grab the last can of spagettios from his backpack.

Frankie starts cleaning up Jack as you warm the food and when Jack’s got a clean diaper on Frankie comes over.

“I was thinking about what Maria said before,” he says, setting Jack down on the counter and holding on to him, “About everyone doing what they can to help out this community.”

“You’re thinking about what they’ll say if you tell them about your background?”

“Yeah…” he trails off, watching Jack open his mouth for a first spoonful of pasta. “I’m not going to tell them about the PTSD or the drugs, it’s none of their business and I’ve got it under control. But if I tell them about my army background, they’ll want me to do patrols, and I’d like to do that, if you’re ok with it?” Frankie looks over at you, his eyebrows drawn together in that slightly worried look.

“I can’t imagine doing patrols and guard duty here is anything like what it was like with FEDRA, Frankie,” you say, putting your hand on his arm, giving him a reassuring squeeze, “And if you start feeling it, please Frankie….” you gently take his chin between your thumb and finger and give him a little tug with every word, “You’ve. Got. To. Tell. Me.” You look into his warm brown eyes and he gives you a crooked smile.

“I know, no more hiding things,” he nods, taking your hand from his chin and pressing his warm lips to your palm, “I promise, for real this time.”

“Good. Because we didn’t just go through all that shit and travel halfway across the country for you to do all of that again,” you smile as he pulls you in by your hand and leans his forehead against yours.

“I promise, I really, really mean it, no more lies, no more hiding, I’m going to be what you deserve now, cariño.” He dips his head and finds your lips, one hand still holding on to Jack who’s gurgling happily on the counter, the other slipping around your neck and holding you just as close as the little boy.

Once Jack is fed and changed you heat up some water on the old wood fired stove. The old house you’re in has a modern kitchen but both the living room and the kitchen have the old fireplace and stove and plenty of firewood stacked next to them. You light a fire and Frankie gets water from the hand cranked well outside. It’s not exactly a hot shower or bath but it’s warm water to wash in and you take the chance to wash some of your clothes too, hanging them to dry in front of the fire before you leave for the mess hall.

The mess hall is easy to find, it’s the largest building in the old gated community and used to be the community center. Someone has made a rough wooden sign and it hangs over the door of the western style building. Frankie holds Jack on his hip, his other hand holding yours as you walk down the main street towards the hall. You can’t help but glance at Frankie and Jack. It’s almost hard to believe the change that Frankie’s undergone in just a few weeks since you left Boston. The withdrawals had left him haggard and tired looking, and you know he’d struggled with the more psychological symptoms longer than the physiological symptoms. But traveling further away from Boston had changed his mood and with the added responsibility of Jack, a child to care for, you started seeing a version of Frankie that you hadn’t seen since before the outbreak. You don’t think he’s even realizing it himself but you’re seeing how he’s slowly turning back into the dad he was to Lucía, treating Jack like a son even though he might not be ready to see him as such. At least not yet.

Now he bounces Jack on his hip, tickling the boy's chin as Jack happily gurgles up at him and you see Maria smiling at the two of them as you enter the mess hall.

“Hey there, I was wondering when you’d show up,” she says, coming over and smiling at Jack who gives her a toothless grin.

“Thanks for the supplies,” you say, “I’m guessing you had something to do with that?”

“Yeah, I thought you might need some things to feel a bit more human after traveling for as long as you have.” She gestures to a cantina set up at one end of the room, “Have some food and come and sit down with us.”

You grab some bowls of rich looking stew and say hello to the woman overseeing the cantina. She’s delighted by Jack’s gurgling smile and gives him a small bowl of fresh blueberries that she mashes up with some honey.

“Someone kept bees in one of the gardens before the outbreak,” she says, “so we now have a huge bee colony and more honey than what we know what to do with.”

You thank her and join Maria and Patrick at a table in a corner of the mess hall. The stew is warm and hearty, and you have to pace yourself or you’ll inhale it, hungry as you are by now. Maria and Patrick let you finish your food before Patrick leans forward and leans his elbows on the table.

“So, you seem like decent folk, but I’m sure you understand we’d like to know a bit more about you now that you’ve had a chance to see our community.”

You both nod and Maria looks at you, “Where have you come from?”

“Originally, when the outbreak happened, Arlington, a town down south. But we’d been in Boston for about five years by the time we left.”

“What made you leave? You’re a long way from Boston and it’s a dangerous journey,” Patrick glances between you and Frankie and Frankie answers first.

“Have you heard of a group that calls themselves The Fireflies?” he asks and both Maria and Patrick nod, “They were causing a bit too much trouble in the QZ. They blew up a guard station, a truck, and FEDRA responded as you can imagine, making life very difficult. So we decided to leave.” Frankie glances over at you and takes your hand and rubs little circles into your skin, “We met a year before the outbreak, she’s been my wife for over ten years and I wouldn’t have survived without her, luckily for me she was willing to risk it all and come with me when it became necessary to leave Boston.”

Frankie’s telling a truncated version of the story behind why you left but for now, there’s no need for anyone to know anything else.

“She used to work the civilian radio in Boston and we know the Fireflies are making trouble all across the QZ’s so at first we just planned to get away from Boston and find an isolated farm and try to survive on our own, how long that would be didn’t really matter, as long as she was with me.” Frankie continues to tell the story of your journey across the Midwest, ending with how you found Jack and his mother and how you stole the slavers’ pickup.

“We’ve heard about slavers from some of the people who have joined our community,” Maria says, “the outbreak really brought out the worst kind of behavior from certain people.”

“We’ll certainly make use of your radio skills,” Patrick says to you, “there’s a radio tower nearby that we haven’t managed to fix yet, we need to fix the dam first, but you might be able to help us with the radio when it comes time for that.”

You nod, “I can fix most things on the particular model we had in Boston, if we have the right parts, but Frankie’s the real fixer.”

“What have you worked with, Frankie?” Maria asks and you see Frankie inhale, there’s so much trauma connected to what he did both before and after the outbreak, and you take hold of his hand, squeezing it lightly, giving him your support, and you can tell both Maria and Patrick senses the tension.

“Before the outbreak I was retired from the army,” Frankie begins, trying to keep his hand from nervously shooting up and rubbing the back of his neck. “I’m ex special ops, Delta Force, I was a helicopter pilot, a soldier.”

You can see Maria and Patrick exchange a quick glance and Patrick nods, “I’m not gonna lie, Frankie, we live under constant threat of raiders and infected here, to have someone with your background on our side would be a great help.”

“I realize that, and so did FEDRA, they recruited me in exchange for letting myself and my wife stay in the QZ we got to at the beginning of the outbreak. But I didn’t stay with them for too long, their ways of doing things…” Frankie trails off and shakes his head. “So, we,” he glances at you, “did what we needed to do to stay alive. We both smuggled, got stuff into the QZ’s we were in both for our own survival and benefit. But we did good too, I hope,” he looks at you again and you nod.

“We did good, Frankie, you know that. We brought in medicine and supplies that FEDRA was denying the population.”

“Everyone here has lived under FEDRA rule,” Maria says and Patrick nods in agreement, “we know all too well what it’s like. I don’t judge you for being smugglers, as long as you’re good people.”

You feel Frankie tense up at the last words, but he bites his tongue as you squeeze his hand.

“We stopped smuggling a while back though,” he says instead, “I couldn’t handle the risk it put her in,” he looks at you and his eyes soften as you smile at him, “and then, when it got more dangerous, I didn’t want to risk leaving her behind alone if something would happen to me.”

“Well, we don’t need smugglers here, but we do need good guards and we all take turns doing guard duty or go on patrols,” Maria says, “We run this place like a commune, everything we have is owned by everyone, and we share the resources we bring in.”

“I’m in charge of the hunting parties,” Patrick says, “so if either one of you is a good hunter, let me know. We eat mainly meat that we trap or shoot, but it’s hard work feeding everyone.”

“Our crops are starting to ripen, we’ve worked hard all year to cultivate local crops and we hope to have greenhouses too at some point. But for that, we need electricity, so that’s our first priority,” Maria explains, “but we’ll give you some time to settle in today and I’ll show you around tomorrow.”

“Frankie, if you don’t mind, can I take you up to the dam tomorrow?” Patrick asks and Frankie nods.

“Yeah, sure, whatever works for you,” he replies, “If you’re ok with taking Jack tomorrow, cariño?”

You nod and Maria reaches over the table and strokes the baby’s hand, “We don’t have any babies here, yet at least, but we hope that Jackson will be safe enough for people to raise families in the future.” She looks up at you and Frankie and seems to hesitate, “I know you two accidentally became Jack’s caretakers, but I get the sense that you’d like to continue to care for him?”

You both nod, “We feel responsible for him now,” you say as Frankie puts a protective hand around Jack and smiles at him, “and we did promise his mom to keep him safe, at least until we could find his uncle, and with him gone, that feels more important than ever.”

“What happened to his uncle?” Frankie asks, looking up again and Patrick grimaces and shakes his head.

“It was two clickers, three of us were clearing out one of the last houses in Jackson, outside the gated community, and we'd killed three runners and heard nothing else. But they were inside a shed in the yard and came rushing out as we approached. Jack was unlucky, got bit as we took them down.”

“We’ve been here just over six months now and we’ve lost three good people to raiders and infected,” Maria says, “and it never gets easier. But we’ve learned a lot from each death, we’re safer now, better guarded.”

“Sorry to hear it,” Frankie says, “but you seem to have built up a good perimeter defense, judging by what we saw when we rode in.”

“I would love to have your eyes on it, Frankie,” Patrick says, “give us some advice on improvements.”

Maria gives a low chuckle, “Give the man a break, Pat, he’s been here all but two minutes and you’ve already commandeered his time.”

“It’s alright,” Frankie said, shaking his head, “No problem at all, if we’re staying here I’m more than happy to help out in any way I can to keep this place as safe as possible.”

“Speaking of staying then,” Maria says, smiling at you and Jack now, “why don’t you have a wander around Jackson, and see what we have to offer. It’s not big but I think it’ll give you an idea about what we’re trying to build here and we’ll see you tomorrow morning?”

“Sounds like a plan,” you say and Frankie nods, shaking Patrick’s offered hand.

“Welcome to Jackson.”

It doesn’t take you long to see all of Jackson, the community is clearly very small but like Maria had said, you could see what they were planning. People were working on a number of projects around the small gated community and the park in the center had given way to crops that looked almost ready to harvest. The garden of one of the biggest houses has been converted into a stable yard and a stable is almost fully built up against the wall that surrounds the community. You say hello to Winston and Ned, who turns out to be the one responsible for Jackson’s horses.

At the furthest end of the small town is the slaughterhouse, where fresh game has been brought in by two women and hung up, the blood trickling from two white tail deer.

As you wander back towards the house you’re staying at, Frankie hooks his arm around your waist and pulls you close.

“This all feels very…normal,” he says, “like maybe they have a chance at making this work.”

“Normal, apart from the infected and the raiders?” you say, looking up at the high wall that surrounds the small community, guards with rifles patrolling at the top.

“Yeah, but Maria and Patrick seem to have the right idea about how to run this place, so maybe they can make it work,” Frankie glances around the small town, “It’s kinda like the settlers in the old west. You were somewhat safe in the towns but it was dangerous to travel outside them. The biggest problem with what’s happened after the outbreak isn’t the infected, it’s how FEDRA handled the situation.”

You’ve arrived at the house and Jack’s fallen asleep so you put him down and join Frankie out on the porch.

“So what do you think?” he says, pulling you down onto his lap and wrapping his arms around your waist. “Do you think we should stay here and make a go of it?”

“I think so, Frankie, if you think you’ll be alright with patrols and guard duty?”

“Yeah, I think so…” he rubs his hand up and down your back, looking out over the small street the house is on, “It’s not for FEDRA, it’s for this place, for you and for Jack, to help keep you and this place safe.”

“I think you’ll be able to help them a lot too, you can use your skills for something that really makes a difference for this place.” You run your fingers through the curls at the back of his head, long enough now for you to wind around your fingers. Frankie’s looked away from the street and is looking at you, his warm brown eyes soft as he smiles up at you.

“And they have sturdy doors on these houses,” his hand has drifted up from your back to wrap around your neck and he’s gently pulling you closer to his lips. As you smile the pink tip of his tongue comes out and licks his plush bottom lip, you don’t even need to feel the bulge growing under you to know what he’s thinking about. You press your lips against his as he pulls you closer, his mouth opening to let you in with a low groan.

“Cariño,” he mumbles, “this is all I ever want,” his hand presses against your back as he deepens the kiss, “you and me in a quiet place where I can give you everything you deserve.”

“You deserve it too, Frankie,” you mumble, his hand tangling in your hair as his tongue slips in between your lips. You can feel him nod under you but you lose all train of thought as he bucks his hips under you.

“Fuck, hermosa…” he mutters, “we need to move inside or our new neighbors…”

You pull him up, take his hand and slip through the door while he wraps his arms around you from behind, kicking the door closed with his foot.

“Bring Jack upstairs and put him in the crib,” you say, as Frankie starts kissing your neck, pushing your hair out of the way.

“Do you really think we’ll make it upstairs,” he mutters, his hand already tugging at your t-shirt, slipping it under it and pushing under your bra.

“We have a kid now, Frankie,” you chuckle, “no sex in front of the baby.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” he grumbles and pulls away from you, keeping it decent as he picks up Jack, carefully to not wake him, and follows you upstairs. Once Jack is safely nestled into his crib and the door closed but with a crack open in case he wakes up, Frankie comes into your bedroom with a smirk.

“You’re gonna need to be quiet or you’ll wake him and alert the neighbors, and I’m gonna make sure you really wanna scream my name, cariño…” he wiggles his eyebrows at you and you hold your finger up to him.

“Francisco Morales, you wouldn’t dare,” you wave the finger threateningly in front of him as he stalks across the room, making you back up until your legs hit the bed, his grin is lethal, all wicked intentions and mischief.

“Just let me take care of you, mi hermosa, mi amor de mi vida,” he croons, slipping his hands around your waist and gently pushing you back onto the bed, making you crawl up towards the top as he bends his head and starts kissing every inch of skin he can reach while peeling off your shirt, quickly followed by your pants. When his wide shoulders pushes your legs apart you groan and fall back against the sheets. You can feel his hot breath against your core as he settles down and grabs your thighs, kneading them and letting his fingers caress the soft skin.

“Frankie,” you sigh, reaching down and threading your fingers through his curls.

“Fuck…” he grumbles, “I’ve missed this, this sight, this smell, cariño, you’re so fucking sweet,” without warning he dips his head and runs his tongue through your folds, a long deep lick that ends at your clit. The sensation explodes through your nerve endings and you arch your back up, pressing your hips against his mouth.

“Did you miss this too, hermosa?” he chuckles, looking up at you from between your thighs, a smirk on his face, but before you get a chance to answer he dives back down, tasting every part of you as his nose circles around your clit but never really touching. The teasing makes you moan, canting your hips up against him and he pins you down with an arm over your middle.. When he slips in two fingers you’re already on the edge, with a whimper you cry his name, trying to keep your voice down. He pumps them slowly, curling them back as his lips seal around your clit. You glance down at him and he’s got his eyes on you, his black eyes are glowing as he watches you pant, your body taught as a bowstring.

He lifts his head slightly, his mouth hovering just over you and every one of his breaths sends tremors through your body.

“Come on, let me feel you come on my mouth and then I’ll fuck you, I wanna feel you around my cock so badly, cariño, you have no idea how hard I am…” he grinds his hips into the mattress, dragging the tip of his tongue over your clit again. His words and his eyes, still burning up your body makes you groan, barely able to keep looking at him. As his lips close around your clit again, ramping up the pressure, you throw your hand over your mouth, biting down hard on your lip as you moan. When you fall over the edge his fingers almost stop moving as you spasm around them but the rough pads keep pushing you through every wave that crashes over you. Frankie doesn’t let up, his tongue flicking over your clit as heat courses through your body until every muscle in your body relaxes and you fall back against the bed.

“So fucking good, cariño,” Frankie moans, trailing sticky kisses along the soft skin of your thighs, moving up to your hips, resting his head there and looking at you as he caresses your skin.

“Come up here and fuck me then, Frankie,” you mumble, reaching down for him and he groans, hiding his face against your hip, sucking a mark into you, making you hiss under him. His tongue comes out and soothes the mark before he sits up and quickly pulls off his shirt and pants before crawling up the bed, hooking his arm under your knee as he goes. He’s painfully hard and weeping, you can feel him drag over your leg, the contact makes him exhale sharply and he grabs his cock firmly. He slides the tip through your sensitive slick folds as he bends down and slips his tongue between your lips. You feel the familiar stretch of him as he pushes the blunt head into you, forcing your knee up higher and grinding his way deeper.

He gasps as you involuntarily clench down around him, “Bebita…fuck…so tight..I…I can’t fucking move…” With a deep groan he pulls out a little before slamming in deep again, making you bite down hard on your lip to stop yourself from crying out. Your arms come up around his neck and pull him down closer as he begins to move in earnest. He buries his face in the crook of your neck and moves in and out, slow at first but soon he picks up pace, groaning over you as his own high draws near. The familiar tingling is building inside you again as he hits a spot deep inside and he can feel you starting to tremble around him.

“C’mon…please…again, hermosa, fuck…” he pushes himself up on one elbow and looking down at you, his sweaty curls hanging over his forehead as his hand slides down and grabs your hip, “I’m…fuck…” he drops down with his forehead against yours, his eyes squeezing shut as your climax explodes through your body and you feel him follow, grinding deep. Both your moans mix in the air, all attempts at keeping quiet forgotten until you collapse on the damp sheets.

“Fuck,” he mutters, his face against your neck, “I came inside you, is it ok?”

“Yeah, I would’ve stopped otherwise, I forgot to tell you it was ok,” you mumble, kissing his damp forehead and pushing back his curls. As you start caressing his hair, scratching his scalp he snuggles deeper into your neck and sighs contentedly.

“I missed this so much, cariño,” he mumbles, “you and me, a bed, nothing else.”

“And a sturdy door?” you smile as his arm comes up around your body, his hand resting on your breast as his thumb lightly strokes across the nipple.

“Yeah, a sturdy door with a lock,” he nibbles at your neck, pressing light kisses along your jaw until he settles down again, humming under his breath.

“I wish there was some way we could let Will and Benny know about this place,” he says after a while. “It’d be good to have them here if they could make the journey.”

“Yeah, I miss them, and Eve and Diana,” you sigh, “and I think Maria and Patrick would love to have two more ex Delta Force guys here.”

Frankie rolls over, pulling you with him so that he can pull your back against his chest and wrap his arm around your waist, “We’ll keep an eye out, maybe we’ll figure something once we fix the dam,” he kisses the back of your head, tucking you in under his chin, “sleep now, cariño.”

…

Patrick comes by next morning and knocks on the door as you’re finishing up breakfast. Frankie grabs his pack and leaves after giving you a kiss and dropping a peck on Jack’s head. He makes you smile when you hear him give the baby instructions to behave and be a good boy for tu mamá .You hadn’t even thought about yourself as his mom, Julia was still his mom, but you guess Jack would have to call you something once he started talking, and Frankie seemed to have settled on mamá for now. It made your heart warm to hear his affection for the little boy, finding him and his mother had maybe been very lucky for you and Frankie, as well as for baby Jack.

For the first time in years, Frankie didn’t feel worried about leaving you behind as he left and went outside the safety a wall entailed. Jackson felt safe, not just because of the wall, but because of the people on the inside. He glanced back up at the gate as it closed behind him, it looked strong and sturdy, and the guards on top were alert.

Patrick, or Pat as he asked Frankie to call him, had brought a group of men and women on the short ride across to the Jackson dam. As they rode Pat pointed out how they’d started building a wall that would circle around the dam structure too.

“That way we won’t have to worry about raiders cutting the electricity once we get it up and running, or infected getting in,” he says, “both possibilities are something we have to take into account whenever we go to the dam now. We have to clear the dam compound every time.”

This time there’s nothing in the building or around it, and Pat leaves three guys to keep watch on the wall over the main entrance.

Together the crew looked over the different components and Pat explained to Frankie what parts they’ve been having problems with. It took them the better part of the day to figure out that something is blocking one of the mechanisms deep inside the dam, then another hour to find the right maintenance hatch and get it open. The tell tale sound of a clicker comes up from the deep hole as they wrench the hatch open. Ladders, however, seem to be something, infected can’t handle so it’s not too much of an issue to shoot the poor dam worker through the head as he scratches against the wall under the hatch. For good measure Frankie and Pat toss a few rocks into the maintenance tunnel and lower a flashlight to lure out any remaining infected. When they deem it safe enough Pat carefully climbs down while Frankie and another man, Walter, cover him.

“Alright, all clear down here,” Pat’s voice comes back up from the tunnel and Frankie climbs down, followed by Walter.

They follow the tunnel down to the entrance in the dam wall and climb out, spotting the problem immediately. A large mess of plastic scraps and synthetic rope has tangled into the mechanism and it takes an hour to clear it without creating further damage. Eventually the machinery turns smoothly and Walter remains behind as Frankie and Pat climb back up to the main operating room.

“Now, if we’ve done everything right, things should work now, and the first turbine will start generating enough electricity to start the main turbines and produce electricity for the town,” Pat hoover his hand over a button and gives Frankie a tight smile, “So far, this hasn’t worked once, so fingers crossed, Frank.”

He pushes the button and in the distance they hear machinery kicking into gear, running for a few seconds before shutting down.

“Fuck…” Pat mumbles, scratching his head, “that’s more than we’ve had before but I don’t know why it shut down.”

“It sounded like it started fine but short circuited,” Frankie says, “Let me open up and check behind the console.”

“Let me know if you need anything, I’m gonna go check on the turbines,” Pat says, leaving Frankie to grab a set of mismatched tools and pry open the console. He sees the issue as soon as he opens it, a thin tendril of smoke is rising from one of the wires, the insulation has corroded and it’s touching another wire. It’s a matter of minutes to rewire it and make sure the inside is protected from any dampness. Once the dam is up and running the heating will keep this dry and protected.

“Pat,” Frankie calls, “I’ve fixed I think, let’s try it again.”

Pat comes back and motions to Frankie to hit the button, “Do the honors, you’re the one who fixed the last bit.”

“Here goes nothing,” Frankie grimaces and gently pushes the button again. This time the machinery kicks into gear, running smoothly for a couple of minutes until a louder rumble starts up, the main turbines starting to turn and suddenly, making both men startle, lights flood the room their in, lights go on all over the console and static starts pouring out of an abandoned radio on the window sill.

“Oh shit! It worked! It fucking works!” Patrick yells, punching the air before clapping Frankie on the shoulder with a big grin. From the outside they can hear yells of delight from the other men and women of the work party. They go out to join them, leaning over the edge of the dam and watching the water pump through the turbine hall and the lights in the lamps lining the edge flicker to life.

“All the cables feeding electricity to Jackson are underground so we’re hoping they’re unharmed, the town should have electricity now!” Pat says, grinning widely, “Come on, let’s head back and make sure everything’s working.”

Three of the guys are staying behind to keep guard and make sure the dam runs smoothly, they’re to be relieved in a few hours, for a night shift.

“We can’t leave the dam unguarded now,” Pat says, “and we might need to do something about the lights, black them out for now, so that we don’t draw too much attention to it.”

When they get back to the Jackson gate people are waiting for them, you’re there with Jack on your hip. The lights in the house had suddenly come on, a few of the light bulbs immediately broke, but the fridge started humming and the tv buzzed to life with loud static that startled Jack enough to make him cry. You had to run around and turn as much as possible off, checking what worked and what didn’t. The hot water boiler seemed to be working just fine and was full of water that was slowly heating up. Even the radiators came to life, warming the house. Maria had shown up a little while later, on her way to the gate.

“Let’s go greet our returning heroes,” she laughed, “I can’t believe we’ve got electricity!”

All of Jackson turned out, forming a crowd just inside the gate and everyone cheered as the work party, led by Pat, rode into town. Frankie quickly found you in the crowd, grinning wildly as he came over, his horse in tow.

“What a welcoming committee;” he grinned, bending to kiss you and then Jack.

“How does it feel to be a town hero on your second day, Frankie?” you laugh, hugging him tightly as he took Jack from you, putting him on his hip.

“Feels good, feels like coming home, cariño. Feels like coming home.”

Chapter 36

If anyone reading knows how a hydroelectric dam actually works, don't tell me all the mistakes I made, I'm playing fast and lose with the technical details here!

I'm also kinda playing lose with any abandonment issues Jack should, realistically, have after being taken from his mother at six months. But I'm excusing that by thinking that he probably didn't get to spend too much time with his mother anyway, in my mind Julia would've been forced to work straight after giving birth and Jack was left behind whenever the slavers wouldn't let her bring him to whatever work she was made to do (seriously, the last part of The Last of Us 2 is horrifying, it gives a very nasty view into how a slaver's camp worked in this world).

The song that Frankie sings to Jack is called Arroz con Leche and is a well known Latino lullaby. You can hear the version Frankie sings if you look for Arroz con Leche sung by Soleada Arboleda on Spotify!

Taglist: @pimosworld @i-own-loki @casa-boiardi @littlenosoul @stormseyer @mxtokko @javicstories @nunya7394 @welcometothepedroverse @harriedandharassed @meveispunk @hiroikegawa @jwritesfanfics @vickie5446 @your-slutty-gf

#frankie morales #frankie morales x reader #frankie morales x you #frankie morales fanfiction #pedro pascal character fanfiction #frankie morales fluff #frankie morales fanfic #the last of us #the last of us fanfiction #Frankie morales smut #francisco catfish morales #triple frontier fanfic

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starryficsfinishwen · 4 months

Text

✧。◟[NSFW] ᴛʜᴇ ʀɪᴅᴇ ʜᴏᴍᴇ — lee x reader [PGR]

so I'm coming home to you

synopsis ; there are answers far beyond words in between turbulences. you are looking for those in lee's battles, in the way he sat beside you, yet what can you say, when the ride home is silent?

alternatively: starry was unsatisfied because we never knew what happened after the epilogue and got a time skip instead, so she is writing it down on her terms LOL

a.n. - this idea came to me while I was cooking breakfast. I nearly dropped the bowl. I nearly dropped my eggs 😭 also I wanna suggest listening to fallingforyou by The 1975 for this too if yall wanna. I wanted this to be an angst to fluff but I decided to make it in a separate post LOL ALSO I ACCIDENTALLY POSTED THIS EARLIER AHAHAHA I'm sorri oh well

pairing - lee hyperreal x f!commandant

words - 7,691

warnings - WILL CONTAIN SPOILERS FOR CHAPTER 21: SPIRAL OF CHRONOS. MINORS DO NOT INTERACT, NSFW THEMES: soft sex hehe, body worship, cunnilingus, creampie-, vaginal penetration, squirting, virginity loss but it's the both of them LOL, lee being so soft and gentle. semi-established relationship, mutual pining.

edit - dividers by @/saradika-graphics!

The ride home is silent.

A gentle lull of a torrential downpour, multiple raindrops pattering on the aircraft's window. Apart from the tired snores and occasional groaning of both constructs and commandants, you are certain: everyone on the aircraft was alive. Miraculously, even if the chances of being so were as small as a pea.

A sharp pain in your mind knocks on your head. Ah, right. Although the realization finally hits you, the piercing pain in your head has yet to dull, after all of the events that unfolded. You wondered, how lucky you were to be alive, despite connecting with so many constructs, all the while maintaining a deep M.I.N.D. connection with Lee. Perhaps, the gods listened to your selfish plea.

After all, Lee came back alive. And he is sitting, silently beside you.

Arms crossed as he leaned on the chair you both sat in, his frame never leaving a hint of space between you. His mesmerizing cerulean eyes were hidden, eyes closed as he breathed so softly.

It's the first time you've seen Lee's frame up close. The first time as a hologram, the second after he emerged from the tower. And now, one glance away.

His hair was a lighter shade of blonde, long bangs covering up until his eyes. Face more defined, looking more mature, yet still so youthful. There weren't any scars on Lee's face anymore, unlike his Entropy frame. Despite his cold and neutral face, as he slept, you can't help but notice that he looked more gentle, softer. Your hand reached out carefully trying not to disturb his sleep, fingers lightly tracing from the top of his head, to the side of his face, to his lips— a thought passed your mind, but you shook your head instead.

As you pulled away, Lee's hand grabbed yours.

“You are shaking,” a whisper that tickled your ear brought you back to reality, “are you alright, my Commandant?”

My Commandant. He only called you that in a fierce, stoic tone. But now, his voice is so tranquil, you might have mistaken it as a phantom. A ripple rumbles through your chest. Lee's voice, although you've heard it so many times, never failed to make you shake, never failed to make you sigh of relief. Unlike his Entropy and Palefire frames, what changed? His new frame is gentler, softer, too. Grasping the warm blanket wrapped around you, you felt Lee lean closer to you. You looked back at him, finding a worried expression across his face.

A face you've seen for the first time, should have made you afraid. Yet, the new face is looking at you, the same way he used to. A sense of familiarity, a sense of comfort.

“I'm okay,” you admitted, “Please don't worry.”

The windows were tinted dark, a few shimmering stars outside. In the dim light of the evening haze, cerulean eyes looked down on you, calculating and quiet. “Is there something wrong? You seem distressed.”

Apart from all the events that conspired earlier, it's probably safe to say that you were far from okay. But you still held onto your words, “Nothing. I just...wanted to see you up close.”

Sturdy, mechanical arms wrapped themselves around your frail, tired body. The gesture made you sink into Lee's chest, a new wave of comfort entangling itself on both of your bodies. Yes, this was— and still is— the man you liked for a long time. And this was the same space you've always loved to drown in, away from the cold, war-struck world.

“Wasn't it you who told me not to shoulder everything,” Lee chuckled, “You can tell me the truth, my Commandant. I am here to bear it all with you.”

His words made you snort. “Oh, now you take my words?”

“I remember everything you say, orders and everything.”

The turbulence seemed to hit a little harder, as Lee held you tighter in his embrace. You found yourself nestled in his lap eventually, cradled like a child in your teammate's arms. You still looked at Lee, searching for something. Two awake individuals now converse in hushed tones.

“You're making me quite nervous, Commandant.” Lee spoke as you continued to stare at him.

“I still can't believe that you are here.” You childishly poked his puffed cheeks, “Are you sure you're real?”

Ah, there he is. His usual stoic expression as he looked at you nonchalantly. But they were quickly replaced with a warm smile, eyes softening at your antics. “My Commandant, I believe that we are still connected right now. Do you wish to check it?”

As far as you were concerned, what Lee said is true; the connection with him is still a brightly burning flame, signaling its closeness with you right now. Yet, as you continue to gaze at your teammate, who was looking elsewhere, another realization dawned on you. Reaching out to touch his neck, his shoulders, his metallic chest— all hardened, like a cyborg. But you can still feel it, in your fingertips, his heartbeat reflecting yours, a cadenza of fluttering butterflies.

“Commandant,” Lee took your shivering hand, looking at you as he brought the back of it to his lips, “I'm here, okay? I'm back. I'm holding you like this.”

He is. As you gazed at his face, the whims of today that brought cold demons do not sway so easily, your heart crumbling once more— the fear that gnawed you left and right back when you were at the foot of the impenetrable tower, helpless in front of bloodlusted monsters. The thought of earlier when blood spilled your hands came back to haunt you: an unprecedented future where Lee did not emerge from the tower, a grim call for humanity...what did it look like?

“Hearing you say that,” your voice cracked, a fresh wave of tears now threatening to spill from your tired eyes, “brings me so much comfort, Lee.”

How ironic. A few hours ago, you bravely put on your facade, welcoming Lee back when he emerged from the then-heteronomer tower. Your smile was bigger than all the countless turbulences you've faced, a plethora of hope that baptised the witnesses there. But with the silent ride home to Babylonia, Liv and the other healers now resting, all the other conscious and unconscious commandants and constructs, you couldn't help but break down now, an endless stream of worry, fear, and relief as a storm in your body. Silent sobs wreck through your body, but Lee— your Lee, yours— held you so tight.

“I'm sorry,” even in the gentlest tone, his apology only made you sob more, “I know I should have thought about it thoroughly, I should have planned it with you. But it was the only solution.”

He kissed your temple, his cold fingers interlacing with your shaky ones, “...to keep you alive.”

You should be happy; Lee is right. He's alive, everyone else is alive. The tower was now a purification one. Yet why, out of all the things you should be crying about, an unfathomable thought that crossed your mind— something about death, something about a dogtag drenched in the bluest vital fluid— made you cry more?

“Commandant [Y/N],” Lee calls your name, that it catches your attention, a skip in your heart, “You're so brave. I'm sorry that you went through so much. But right now, everything will be alright.”

As your sobs slow down, Lee leans closer to your face, a finger wiping away the stream of tears, his lips kissing them away. Wait. Have you ever been so intimate with Lee this way? It suddenly baffled you; sure, you were both aware of each other's affections, sneaking away to be with one another. The furthest thing you've both even gone to, was a simple kiss on the cheek in your bedroom, before Lee went away, claiming his cooling systems malfunctioned. The gravity of the situation made you snap out of your sadness.

“W-wait, Lee,” you weakly shimmied out of his embrace, “I-I thought you didn't want this-”

You vividly remember Lee hates public display of affection.

But right now, his expression was puzzled, as if confused with your reaction. “And?”

A timid blush creeps in your cheeks. Somehow, you were the one getting embarrassed.

“I thought you didn't want people to see this kind of,” you coughed, “...display.”

He raised his eyebrows. “I am just taking care of my Commandant. There's no other explanation.”

Ah, what a fickle mind you have. Embarrassed, you sunk deep into his arms, pouting as you hid your face in his chest. “Ah...sorry.”

Lee coughs, “But there is something I do want to talk to you about.”

Peering up at him, you cocked your head to the side, “The mission? Or...what happened earlier?”

He looked at you with a small smile, before a faint pink tint in his cheeks appeared. He tucked the blanket to your chest, before returning his fingers to the gaps in yours. “We will arrive in Babylonia soon. It may be a hellhole right now, but...your rest will be the priority.”

“Hey, what-”

“-Get some sleep for now, Commandant...”

Gentle cerulean eyes looked at you with an unfamiliar emotion. Was it really unfamiliar, or were you slowly succumbing to the lull of a well-needed sleep.

It felt like a dream. His touch, his voice, his gestures. Your mouth opens, trying to call out Lee's name. But the way his thumb caressed your intertwined hands, the safety of a cradle as he held you close, the faint smell of his scent—

You fall asleep by the time the aircraft docks at Babylonia's hangar.

You remember the day you realized you liked Lee.

It was a little crush that bothered you like a bunny, hopping around the corners when it saw food nearby. You tried to ignore it, favoring the quiet, tranquil field, your battlefield for the fight against the virus. Yet, the longer you lingered in the field, the more of that man in blue with a cold facade and steeled eyes seem to capture your attention, far longer than any lesson you took in the F.O.S.

“Do you have any wish?” You remember Lee's sudden, peculiar question one day, at the Gray Raven lounge.

You were both chilling there, across one another; you were by the table, doing your paperwork, and him on the sofa, polishing his weapon. The question was so out of the blue. A few weeks after your initial meeting, and he was still in his Palefire frame. In honesty, what was your greatest wish? You were merely a fresh graduate, finally with a team assigned to you. You've been through the simulations, memorized every nook and crook of the books, and can even recite the constitution and the laws. All of this for the sake of humanity.

“Retaking Earth, having a future of peace.” was a simple way to put it.

But Lee only had a cold expression on his face, despondent eyes looking at you with judgement. You recognized this look, one that he'd been wearing every time you were around. You admitted him, earlier, his frigidity nearly makes you wet your pants. But when the last word escaped your lips, the expression changed for a split second— relief?— before it returned to its hardened state.

“I'm not asking you to do a pep talk.”

You pondered once more. Sure, humanity is needed. But guess not for Lee. What did you want, really? Ah, you remember the parcel you ordered, and the many more that were to come. Your wallet had been growing slimmer, too. Smiling, a stupid, yet practical idea sauntered to your young mind.

“Retiring as early as possible to get my pension?”

A life of pure ecstasy and glory. It wasn't so bad. But that look on Lee's face seemed to insinuate that he'd probably kill you and stage it as something else.

“Can you just give me one that is actually achievable?”

Is retiring early too much? When you looked up to Lee for another witty remark, you found yourself frozen. What once were steeled eyes were a noticeable shade of indigo, complimenting the blue patterns on his outfit. A clenched jaw, soft skin, a remarkable face that seemed to know so many things at once. You've always known you had a little bit of admiration for your team, with the tasks assigned to you little by little. But did you ever have your heart skip a beat whenever Lucia or Liv was around? You remember fierce and timid eyes looking at you, but never this cold. No, only Lee.

Only Lee could do that.

What little crush became a massive infatuation.

“Then,” sheepishly smiling, you felt your cheeks tint in the lightest shade, yet you still looked at Lee, “your smile?”

The question caught him off guard. Taking advantage of the situation, you decided to tease him further, “I want to see you smile more, Lee.”

You've always wanted to see him smile. One that was genuine, not commanded, nor forced. For the first time since your first meeting, there was a crack in his expression, a thin shade of pink dusting his own cheeks; a seemingly thin facade that only motivated you to open the lock that was presented to you.

“W-what-”

“You will scare everyone off with that intimidating look on your face,” you smiled, “So, please?”

Before the next moment could happen, the memory goes dark, and you open your eyes.

Your senses are out of place, lost as you tried to regain everything. First, your sense of smell returns as the scent of vanilla fills the room. Next is your hearing, the white noise of the air conditioner overwhelms the empty space. The feel of your bones and muscles, albeit sore and tired, felt weightless as you tried to lift your arms and legs up. The soft grasp of cotton and the mattress. When your vision returns, the white ceiling is adorned with the many trinkets you could remember sticking onto the top, the feeling of home asking to be welcomed. The comforts of the bed seemed to beg you to stay more, but you forced your body to sit up, the familiar scene of your room at the Gray Raven base now into view.

Did you...fall asleep? What time is it? You didn't want another lifetime of scolding waiting for you outside of your door. Lucia and Liv could be in the training room. And Lee...

An ominous feeling rattled your body. When you look down at your hands, a silent scream on your lips as you jump from the bed— your hands are tainted with a mixture of blue vital fluids and the brightest red.

Nearly falling onto the floor, lucky enough that you landed on your mattress. You suddenly remember everything—

“Lee!”

You forget your dignity. You forget your bare feet, you forget everything else. You had to find Lee. You had to. Running out of the door, you bolted to find the blonde man, the fear that you were too late to save him.

But before you could reach the last door that held all the answers you were looking for, a tall, study cushion prevented you from doing so.

“...dant! Commandant!”

A familiar voice. Snapping out of your fear-stricken trance, you felt yourself being pushed off slightly. A pair of worried cerulean eyes looking down at you.

“Commandant, I'm here!” A baritone voice, ones that made your eyes blur from the tears, “I'm here. I'm back.”

A comforting hold over you. A towering figure. The presence that could only make you crumble. Your teammate. The one that filled your quiet days.

“You're,” you choked, the dam of tears that spilled senselessly, “Lee, you're alive.”

He sighed in relief. Looking at you with a small smile, he said, “...You must be confused. Let's eat before we talk.”

Sunnyside up egg and bacon, the other kind of egg being scrambled. Two plates, two pieces of toast. A coffee and a glass of milk. And you finished it all, your share with the sunnyside up. The other was close to finishing, with Lee still tinkering on the small robot that was on his side.

A part of you thinks rationally, as you shouldn't eat like a pig when in front of someone else. But you can't help but strive to satiate the hunger that was distracting you from doing anything else. Apart from that, the raging headache was now gone.

You noticed something different, though.

“Did you enjoy it, Commandant?”

You glanced at Lee, before looking back at your clean plate. You wanted to retort, but, you awkwardly laughed instead. “Thank you, I really enjoyed it, Lee.”

“You looked like you tasted something else though,” you raised your brow, before he added, “Your expression changed.”

“Ah,” you absentmindedly toyed with your fork, “...it tasted different. Did Liv cook this?”

A faint blush adorned his cheek. “I was the one who cooked the food. Liv did not participate at all.”

You blinked in surprise. Lee? Cooking?

“Really?” Bewildered, you reeled back, “It tasted so good. I want a second serving...”

You had nothing against Lee's skills. He followed all of the nitty gritty details of the cookbook he used, making the dish taste too bland or too dry. But the one you tasted seemed different.

“I can cook more for you then, Commandant,” Lee prepared to stand up, but you grabbed his arm.

“Later, later!” You beamed at him, “I'm quite surprised as it tasted...”

What were the right words? As his hand loosened on your grip, you blurted out, “Warm.”

“Did it now?” A teasing tone. You huffed out, which made him grin.

“I'm glad you think so. After all, you were asleep for two days.”

The events of before came rushing back, nearly overwhelming you. But Lee's hand in yours strengthened your resolve. There were still a few questions on your mind, like—

“I checked you up on the Star of Life.” Lee continued, “I couldn't leave you there, as they were still packed with all the other victims. They granted you to rest here, where we watched over you.”

“What about the other people with us at the surface?”

“They were treated as well, Commandant. Right now, they gave us a two-week rest, with everything trying to settle down and rebuilding whatever we can.”

You touched his hand, “What about...you?”

And he touched yours back. “I did, as soon as we had you here.”

“I see, thank you,” you looked down on the oversized shirt, before glancing at Lee's now reddening face.

“I- um, we helped you clean and dress up. Mostly Liv and Lucia.”

“Where are they now...?”

“They might be helping with the rebuilding. It's my turn to watch over you.”

You hummed, retreating your hand, a small sense of disappointment. A comforting, yet anxious silence enveloped the environment; you fiddled with your hands, trying to find the right words to say. But the longer you dwell, the more your anxiety grew.

“...I didn't think that my shirt would look good on you.”

Your feelings dissipated. You looked up, Lee looking away to hide his blush, “I wanted to give it to Murray, but I'm glad that I still had some left.”

“Th...thank you, Lee. It feels very comfortable.” It was normal, right? Wearing boyfriend shirts has been a trend lately. So why are you blushing like a tomato? Well, at least the two of you look like tomatoes.

“...I still have a few more,” Lee said, gathering the courage to look at you, “If you're not closed to the idea of having shirts like the one you are wearing now, then, let me know.”

The cloth did feel quite comfy, never mind how it rested above your knees. It also smelled like Lee— apple blossoms and summertime. You were hoping you could keep the shirt hidden, but you were glad you had his confirmation.

Another silence. At this point, you'd rather be swallowed by the ground whole than be stuck with the awkward air. As you thought about it, deeper in thought, you felt Lee's fingers reach for yours, index finger wrapped around your pinky. Looking up, Lee already had his eyes on you, cerulean eyes looking with the same unfamiliar emotion.

“Commandant,” Quietly, as if the glass in front of you would break, “...Are you scared?”

“No,” you shook your head, sighing, “I was only worried. I thought...”

“So, you are.” Tenderly, he brought your hand closer to his face, “I feel that I can't apologize enough.”

“No, no, Lee,” What were you doing? Your vision nearly blurs, guilt clawing at the back of your throat, that your voice feels so small, “It's okay, it really is...”

“You told me yourself that you'd allow me to share all my burdens,” Gently, he kisses your fingers one by one, his eyes closed, “That we're doing this together until the end. You and I— you are no exception.”

Lee doesn't leave any finger unkissed, warm lips on your fingertips, before he trailed his kisses to the side of your hand, to the pulse on your wrist. Ah, he knows. He knew about the flash of blood on your hands, the haunting memory between the both of you. The first drop of your tears escaped. Then another. Until it became an endless stream, running down your face.

“I'm sorry, Commandant, for scaring you.” He opened his eyes, revealing glossy ones, mirroring your sad expression, “But I assure you; I am here, I'm sitting with you, I'm next to you now.”

Two of his hands are now on your wrist, hovering over his jaw, words brewing at the tip of his tongue. Does he know about your hammering heartbeat? How this very gesture, so intimate, so real— there are words far beyond comprehension, beyond verbal communication, that wishes to be said. But all it took was the way he looked at you, your hands on his. He pulls you closer, eased comfortably in his awaiting lap.

“In the tower,” he admitted, “The frame knows something, and I can't tell Asimov unless I tell you first.”

“What do you mean?”

His fingers are now on your cheek, wiping away all of your tears, looking at you with such sincerity, it nearly breaks your heart, “I saw the future.”

It made you freeze. The future? It didn't seem true. But you trusted Lee, and you would safeguard everything he said to protect him.

“Like...you saw it happen?”

He nods, “I do. I can even go back into the past. I used to remember it all so clearly, but...”

A twinge of dread sinks in your stomach, whispering, “you can't anymore?”

“...In the end, I can still remember the worst that happened.”

Lee's free hand cups your cheek, and you only noticed it now, the vibrant color of his cerulean eyes, reflected so bright. “I lost you in all of them.”

It hits you faster— you weren't the only one who suffered. Lee, your Lee, battled his own demons inside of the tower. It made your stomach sink, your heartbeat wild in your chest. Your Lee, who had always been so calculating and ahead of everything, had the fear that you also had.

The vivid thought of your hand wrapped around a bloodied dogtag washes over you. But you tried to push it away from your mind, opting to cup Lee's cheeks.

“Lee,” words die on your throat, “I'm...”

“That's why I need to tell you this, Commandant,” he inhaled deeply, that a shiver ran down your spine—

Was he going to ask to step down? To leave Gray Raven, to leave...you?

His face was dangerously close to yours now, your breathing tangled with yours, your warmth clinging to his skin, “I never want to be away from you again, Commandant.”

You held your breath. In the heat of the afternoon haze, Lee's arms are on your waist, the other on your cheek; you, on his lap, holding his face. All of the thousand words, unsaid during the ride home, poured in like a fountain. His thumb wipes away the last tear from your eyes, mouth curling into a smile.

“I may not hold what lies in the future, or how long until our end will arrive, but right now, I will not hesitate to spend all of our precious time together. I want to protect you. I will do everything I can to keep on saving you, even if I have to give my life.”

He drives the final nail onto his words, “I like you. I like you far too much, that if I don't see you anymore, then I will never know what to do.”

A confession. Lee was never this honest or upfront. It rattled you to the core, that a simple event made him change like this. Honest, upfront, intimate. But you only shook your head, the hold over him tightened.

“No,” you breathed out, “I can't lose you like that, Lee. I never want to lose you.”

“Save me all you want, but you know that I'll do the same,” you muttered, leaning to press your lips onto his cheeks, “But I won't only die for you. I will live for you.”

“I-”

“I like you, too, Lee. I like you that I would rather watch the world burn than to see you gone from me.”

In this very small space, you could hear his heartbeat echo alongside yours. His grip on your waist tightens, and you are leaving kisses on his face. There is a feeling that bubbles inside of you. You wanted to call him that word— something you've been craving to say that it aches too much in your mouth, asking to be confessed. But you already know that neither of you are ready to say it, nor accept it.

“Commandant-”

“Say my name, Lee,” your voice breaks, as your hands itch to wrap them around Lee, too touch-starved to care if this kind of intimacy breaks both of your boundaries, “I want to hear you say it.”

“[Y/N],” Lee's voice said your name so softly, that your heart flutters, “[Y/N],”

You've only heard Lee call your name with your title. But now, in the heat of this moment, as he calls your name, you never wanted anything more than to kiss him. Already leaning to close the missing gap, but you hesitate. You were really going to break all of the other boundaries you've both set for one another. So you lean away, slightly disappointed.

“[Y/N]?”

“I'm sorry, Lee.” A small pout on your lips, “I really...want to kiss you.”

“...I do, too.” You notice the pink in his cheeks grew darker, “...I want to kiss you. I want to do many things with you, [Y/N].”

Ah, a clear sign. One that makes your heart erupt with joy, one that made the grin on your face uncontrollable.

“Then, kiss me, Lee,” you said, cupping his cheeks, “I want you to kiss me.”

And he does. Your arms are wrapped on his shoulders, his lips on your waist. Closing the aching gap, that your bodies are pressed onto each other, it reminds you of the collision of stars— merging into one. Kissing Lee for the first time is soft, gentle, with a hint of neediness and satisfaction. One where the longer you've kissed, breaking away only to find a string of saliva on your lips, an unbearable need to kiss each other once more, that it deepens.

It distracts you, however— his hands tease along your bare thighs, fingers lightly tapping on your skin. You only move closer, his hands finding themselves wrapped on the back of your thighs.

“Lee,” you whispered, pulling away to find a string of saliva as you catch your breath, “can you touch me more, please? I want to know if this is real.”

“This is real,” he affirms, guiding your legs to wrap themselves on his hips, “...And I am touching you right now.”

He wastes no time kissing you again, one hand on your cheek, the other caressing your hips. Your hands, however putty, start to pull on his own clothes, finding where his buttons could be. Lee must have noticed it, when you breathe for air, he chuckles.

“Hyperreal isn't like my Entropy or Palefire, [Y/N]. Seems like I'll be the one taking them off, as you don't know where.”

“Such a tease,” you pout, “You should have asked Asimov to put some buttons or zipper somewhere to easily take off your clothes.”

“Well,” Lee coughs, “I honestly did not think that I would be making out with my Commandant in the future.”

It made you laugh loudly, fingers grazing his chin, “Cute. Well, I guess your prophecy skills are a bit too rusty, hm?”

“Mm,” Lee leans to brush his nose on the side of your face, “I did not forsee that an attractive girl like you would be on my lap right now, being so receptive and kind to me.”

The statement made you blush. “Cut it, and I thought you were the one who gets flustered easily.”

“Th-” Lee pulls away, revealing his adorable pout, paired with the raging blush on his cheeks, made you want to remember this sight forever, “That's because there is something wrong with my cooling system.”

“Even now on your new frame?”

He sighs. “I'm starting to think that it's not because of the cooling system...”

“Oh, you admit it now?”

“...Yeah,” he takes a strand of your hair in between his fingers, twiddling, “I think it's because of you, [Y/N].”

“Why is it my fault now?”

“You...” Lee pauses, before looking at you, “...you make me think of things to the point of overthinking. You keep overriding my logic, always skewing my predicted data.”

“I'm sorry?” Awkwardly applogizing, but Lee only laughs.

“Do you know what you're doing to me, [Y/N]?”

“Mm, no,” your hands play with Lee's hair, behind his ear, “Pray tell?”

“You skewer with the data because...you create scenarios in my M.I.N.D. You drive me insane to the point that I have to investigate the data, correct it again, so that it won't interfere with mine.”

“What kind of data tampering do I do, Lee?” You were teasing at this point, Lee's ears turning red, “Explain it more.”

“You...” He wanted to throw a retort, but your teasing is relentless, that he only looks deep in your eyes, “You make me think of things that I want to do with you, that only lovers do.”

There you go. Your stomach flutters at the thought that you both shared the same sentiments.

“What kind, Lee?” You dropped your voice into a whisper, leaning to his ear, “Can you show me?”

“No, I-”

“-Don't hold back on me. That's an order.”

Under the light of the dining room, Lee's cerulean eyes turn into a darker shade, a low growl on his throat. Not a moment later, he hoists you by your ass and carries you onto the table, large hands touching your bare thighs. His face was still dangerously close to yours, lips touching, but not enough to leave a kiss.

“I'm not sure if I can please you enough,” he whispered, “But God, I want to touch you, [Y/N].”

The desperation in his voice. The slight shaking in his hands. Eager lips waiting to kiss you over and over— what a perfect concoction to appease the growing greed that was brewing down there. You decided to close the gap, hoping it was enough to answer the question Lee asked.

“Touch me more, Lee,” you whined when you pulled away slightly, hands all over his chest, “I want you. I need you so much.”

Lee doesn't waste any time. He kisses you once more, before carrying you once more in his arms. You leave it up to him, as he carries you back to your room, albeit clumsily as you feel yourself gently be squished in between the walls as he fumbles with the direction. But you don't mind, not when the kiss becomes fervent enough, tongue dipping to taste Lee's, to taste where you could reach. Your whines grow louder when you feel yourself lowered onto the soft surface— the bed— and the click of the door shut.

When you opened your eyes, Lee was already in the middle of taking off his upper clothes, revealing bionic skin in his shade, a glowing mark in the middle of his chest. Nevermind the way his arms looked, but the sight as he slowly undressed himself was enough to make your mouth (and probably your private area) water.

“Do you like the view?” Lee teases. Mindlessly, you nodded.

“Pretty...” you dawdled, admiring the glowing mark on his chest, “you're so pretty, Lee...”

“You should see yourself, [Y/N].”

Grasping to touch yourself, you realized that the shirt you were wearing was already raised to your tummy, revealing your panties. You didn't know what you looked like, really. But you trust Lee.

“I can't,” you smugly smiled, “Mind telling me what I look like now, Lee?”

As soon as he was finished in taking off his upper clothing, he leaned down, caging you in between his buff body. “Beautiful,” he said, thumb caressing your lips, “You look so delectable.”

Kissing you once more. Heat settles in between your pressed bodies, incessant hands reaching where they could. Gently, Lee's lips kissed your jaw, trailing to your ear. Softly, slow hands fiddling with the hem of his— now yours— shirt, teasing by the dip of your stomach. Butterfly kisses along your neck, nibbling so little, in a place where only Lee can see. A primal need gnawed at your heart; perhaps Lee's mark could be enough to satiate the need, right?

You craned your neck to him, muttering, “More, please.”

Hesitation sits where his lips were, short breaths fanning it. “Are you...are you sure?”

“Please,” your pleas somehow sound like a breathless moan, “We have two weeks to be here, right?”

You didn't see what his expression looked like, but he seemed convinced, teeth grazing on one particular spot that made you moan. And Lee devilishly nibbles on it.

“As you wish then, Commandant.”

Ah, the title again. You wanted to answer back, but Lee seemed to know where your weak spots were, with you writhing from pleasure. After the assault on your neck, his trail of kisses paused as he lifted off your shirt, revealing your breasts in their naked glory. Shimmying out of the shirt, you felt embarrassed already, covering yourself, in nothing but your underwear.

But Lee only held your hips, “Let me see you, [Y/N].”

“I-I don't think I have the best body, y'know,” you admitted, looking away, “It might not be perfect.”

Lee doesn't say a word. Taking your hands, he looks at you, before bringing it to his lips.

“[Y/N], look at me,” you do, mouth shut, “Tell me what you think of these hands?”

“Um,” you ponder for a moment, “For patting you?”

He smiles a bit, before kissing the back of your hands. “They can be used like that. But these are gentle hands, ones that use weapons to protect her comrades.”

He begins to trail kisses again, on your arms, to your shoulders, to your neck. You softly moaned as he kissed the side of your head, hearing him say, “Your arms are strong enough to carry your teammates, shouldering your strength that helps those you've always wanted to reach.”

“You're incredible, [Y/N],” he purred, kissing your clavicle, kissing you all the way, in between the valley of your breasts, “You are so beautiful, so powerful.”

Kissing and kissing your breasts, fondling them with care. You cry out his name from the sensitivity, the fluttering feelings all around you. He doesn't break eye contact as he takes a nipple into his mouth, sucking it, and playing with the other.

Your mouth is a chorus, now— babbles of "Lee, Lee", "more, please", that the way he caged you perfectly in between his legs, you couldn't help but drown in the way he's holding you.

A while later, his lips travel to your stomach, your waist, a teasing little kiss on your hips— hoisting your legs up to his broad shoulders. He looks at you, as if asking you to not look away.

“[Y/N],” his voice sounds so sultry, mesmerizing you, “You may think that you're not perfect, but to me, you've always been so...holy, divine.”

Lee pressed a kiss to your ankles, to your legs, your knees, “I could worship you forever like this,” a few more kisses on the back of your legs- “I'll do this just so you know how much I adore you.”

How intimate, how devoted your Lee was— with your legs so close to his chest, you could feel his heartbeat thrumming. It was beating so loud like yours, a perfect mirror that rumbled in every part of your body, pulsating with so much want and need, that it made you want to pull him closer.

“Lee,” you moaned, feeling his lips slowly kiss your knees, trailing to the inside of your thighs, “Lee,”

“I'm right here,” He pressed a kiss to your weeping, clothed cunt, sending a jolt throughout your body, “Let me hear you more, my [Y/N]. Don't cover your mouth.”

You don't. Not when he sucks your clothed cunt with such vigor, your back arching for him. Your hands find themselves seeking respite in his hair, as he pulls down your soaked underwear, agonizingly slow. Wiggling out of it, you peered down to look at Lee, nearly drooling at the way your pussy was displayed all for him. You felt yourself dripping with want.

“God,” Lee groaned, a mix of a breathless moan and sigh, his fingers experimentally rubbing your labia, “You're even so beautiful down here, my [Y/N].”

You moaned at his words, hole clenching around nothing. You've touched yourself down there on fairly lonely nights, wishing it was Lee's hands instead of your own. But right now, as he rubs your slit with your slick, how lewdly your own mouth betrayed you, you may as well wish those lonely nights won't return, as the real thing was far better than your imagination.

“Lee, stop teasing,” you whined, “Touch me more.”

“I am already doing that,” he said, “Do you not feel it?”

“Well, honestly, with the way you're- nngh-”

He licked a long stripe on your slit, causing you to moan out loud. Hearing your reaction, Lee licks the same spot once more, making you twitch. But his hands are faster, holding your hips.

“Delectable,” He said, licking his lips, “I want to taste more.”

His lips latch onto your peeking clit, lapping at you like a starved man. It's messy, yet so hot— fingers prodding your hole, Lee's mouth on your needy pussy. You've lost all common sense at this point, fingers grasping tightly on his hair, babbling senselessly for Lee, tears crying as he works you out of your climax. You badly wish it wasn't a dream; your fingers could no longer do justice to the way Lee was taking you right now. It doesn't take any longer, though— you tried to warn Lee, but you came so unexpectedly, squirting uncontrollably with a loud cry of Lee's name.

You tread the wonders of your high, shaking with ultimate pleasure, as Lee dutifully coaxed out your juices, licking you clean. When you've come down, you've noticed Lee hovering above you, cerulean eyes still clouded with lust, yet with appreciation.

“That's it,” he cooed, fingers brushing away the hair that covered your face, “you're so amazing, my [Y/N].”

You moaned as he leaned down to kiss you, hands wrapped to cradle you, and you could taste yourself, cum and slick, on his lips. But you never minded that— let alone how hot it felt.

“Do you still want to do this?” Lee asked, looking at you with concern, “We can call it a day when you're overwhelmed.”

“No,” you said, pulling him closer, “We're past the point of no return. Besides...”

Placing a hand on his cheek, to which he leaned, you spoke, “I want you to be my first, Lee.”

He freezes. Looking up, he muttered, “A-are you sure? I don't want you to regret it.”

“I will never mind if it's you.” You smiled, “If anything, I want to give it all to you. I...adore you far too much. You'll only make my wishes come true.”

Lee thought for a moment, before looking back at you. “We're the same, then.”

Swiftly taking off his boxers, Lee's cock stands tall and proud, bouncing off to his stomach. You marveled at the sight, mouth-watering once more. You reached out to wrap your hands around the shaft, causing Lee to moan.

“Pretty,” you massaged the shaft, smearing the tip that had his pre-cum, “you're so big, too.”

Tall and long, and you feared he'd be too big to fit inside of you. It was veiny, with the fat mushroom tip with a lot of pre-cum. You wanted to put him in your mouth to return the favor, but with your cunt crying out loud of his cock, you wanted nothing more but to ask him to bury himself inside of you.

Lee looked like he could cum from your touch alone. But he doesn't want to— no, he had to be inside of you. He swallows his moans down, but the longer you jerk him, whiny groans and whimpering began to overwhelm him.

“Let me- hah,” Lee steals one last kiss on your cheek, before preparing to align himself to take your maidenhead, “I want you, [Y/N].”

“And I need you, Lee.” You cupped his cheek, whining as you felt his tip catch your clit, cock rubbing your drenched pussy, “I need you inside of me.”

Lee helps himself, guiding his cock in. You moaned out loud as you felt the tip prod your quivering hole, hands tightly grabbing onto his shoulders. Lee immediately holds your hips, a few shallow thrusts to help you accommodate his size. Your mouth slips out moans, eyes rolling back as half of his cock is already inside of you. But God, did you already feel so full, brushing a soft spot inside of you.

“[Y/N],” Lee stutters, heavily sigh that became a moan, “You feel so t-tight, hah,”

“Lee,” you cried out as he thrusted shallowly, weakly pulling his arm, “you're so big...”

“Shh, I'm sorry, I'm almost there,” he cooed, kissing the corner of your lips, “A little bit more.”

You scream his name as Lee finally bottoms out, triggering your second orgasm. Lee could only moan as he grasped your hips, groaning at the way you tightened, squeezing him without mercy. But he still rubs your hips, easing you back to reality.

“Fuck,” Blurring out, but hearing him curse, made you involuntarily clench around him, “You're not only tight, but you're nearly killing me here.”

“S-sorry,”

Lee only thrusts into you as an answer. Squeaking from the sensitivity, you tried to reason out, but failed as Lee chuckled.

“It's not your fault, [Y/N]. I guess it means I'm good, hm?”

Bastard. Still so cocky. You pouted, “You are mean.”

“And you're so pretty.”

Lee resumed thrusting in and out of you, the recoil making your breasts bounce. One hand holds your hips, the other on your hand, taking them to his lips. As pleasure starts to build despite your sensitivity, you somehow recognize the gravity of the situation: Lee's smell, your nearly-fucked out senses, the creak of your bed, and the way he was still making love to you, your virginities now given to each other. Lee fucks into you just right, the cock hitting all of the spots that made you babble. Everything was overwhelmingly good, that you arched off of the bed, his cock hitting inside of you deeper.

“Lee,” you cried out, “Lee, God,”

“I'm here,” he leaned to you, “I'm here.”

You never wanted this moment to end. You forget your responsibilities, you forget the war— even just for a moment, everything was perfect for the both of you. As Lee settles your legs in his shoulders, the intense feeling is knotting at the bottom of your stomach, waiting to snap.

“[Y/N],” Lee cooed, “Are you going to come?”

“Y-yes,” you moaned, “I wanna come with you-”

“I'm almost there,” as if adhering to your needs, Lee slips his fingers to your clit, rubbing it, “You can do it.”

Your climax really is coming, alongside Lee's. But before the knot snaps, you realize that Lee is still speaking.

“[Y/N],” in between moans and your whining, Lee gripped your hands, cerulean eyes glimmering. “My [Y/N]-”

“-I love you.”

You teetered so close to the edge that you couldn't process his words. But it was enough to reach your climax. Writhing, you felt yourself be filled with something down there, you and Lee moaning each other's names. He rests his head in between your shoulders. And you were perfectly content with the weight on top of you.

It takes you a few moments to process it. In between catching breaths, his hair in your fingers, your other hand fiddling with his own, the message seems clear.

“Are you okay?” Lee asked as soon as he was back on top of you, still sheathed inside of you, “Did I hurt you?”

“No...” Your eyes must be glimmering like his, as your tears began to blur your vision, “What a charming man you are, Lee.”

Lee understood, but he still feigned ignorance. “Hm? How so.”

Pressing your hands flat on his chest, you felt his heartbeat, slowing down to a normal one, and it made you wish that you could stay like that forever.

“I love you, too, Lee.” These were words you've longed to say after all. “I will always love you.”

Lee only smiled, cheeks tinted in the bright shade of pink, “...I'm glad you heard that, then, my [Y/N].”

How funny that the ride home seemed silent. But the words were far better spoken out loud in the end.

BONUS:

“Lee! Commandant! We're back!”

The sound of the door opening at the Gray Raven lounge reverberates. Two figures emerge inside, carrying a bag full of ingredients.

“Lee?” Liv asked, looking around, “Where is he?”

“It's unlike him to leave so abruptly.” Lucia shrugged, “Let's check on the Commandant.”

Leaving the bag on the table, Liv and Lucia trotted to the Commadant's room, finding two figures sleeping next to each other.

“Oh,” Lucia whispered, beckoning Liv to be silent, “They're here. Lee's sleeping next to the Commandant.”

“I see...” Liv looks around to find clothes all over the floor. “Did someone break in? Why is the floor messy?”

“I don't know. Lee was probably trying to dress the Commandant.”

“I noticed the plates were also unwashed. Did the Commandant already wake up?”

“We'll just ask later when Lee's awake.”

When the door of the Commandant's room finally closed, a loud slap could be heard.

“Ow, [Y/N]-”

“I am never going to go out of this room.” You sighed in embarrassment, remembering that the hickies on your neck are very visible, and you're probably aware that you couldn't walk. “I'm screwed.”

“We just did.”

“Lee!”

— starry

#pgr #punishing gray raven #punishing gray raven imagines #pgr commandant #pgr global #pgr lee #pgr hyperreal #lee brainrot because I HAVE HIMMMM

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meimi-haneoka · 6 months

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Cardcaptor Sakura Clear Card Chapter 79: Comments + JP-ENG translation differences

Welcome back to our monthly appointment, CCS fans! This chapter comes right after this month's full moon, the Hunter Moon! (lol yes I will feature the name of the relative full moon till the end of the story). And speaking of the end of the story, I will start this analysis and translation post from the end of the chapter, where I found the confirmation to the rumour that had been going on for hours before the official release on Comic Days:

yes, dear readers, this is not a drill, Cardcaptor Sakura Clear Card Arc will end with chapter 80, after 7 years of serialization! 🎉✨ When *the last chapter* is announced, there's no turning back! No more sudden announcements of extensions! 🥹 But at the moment of writing this post, no mentions have been given about any "epilogue" or extra chapters that might be serialized in the upcoming months leading to the big release of volume 16 on April 1st!

On the translation side, I have to sigh in relief because no major misunderstandings happened in the ENG version, just some minor inaccuracies! I was kinda scared because this chapter is pretty important and complex in itself.

And let me say that what happened in this chapter 79 definitely marks the end of the climax, so I can totally see it ending in next chapter. The chapter tackled some very important thematics regarding the presence of "evil" in this series, that I will talk about extensively in my analysis.

The announcement today made me already a bit nostalgic and sad, but I want to strive hard to accompany myself and all of you towards the end of this arc with excitement and a smile, therefore I won't let myself be prey of the sadness yet and introduce you immediately to the gif of this month, because there's a lot we need to talk about and analyze and we can't waste time!!

This is entirely dedicated to our protagonist and heroine Sakura-chan, because damn, she really slayed this chapter!!! Under the cut to see what miracles she made happen!

The Color Page

My dear readers, after years of countless pleas on my social media, after being let down month after month, CLAMP FINALLY GRANTED ME A COLOR PAGE SOLELY DEDICATED TO KAITO AND AKIHO TOGETHER ON THE SECOND-TO-LAST CHAPTER!! Yaaaay!! Excuse me while I celebrate this event here in my little corner, especially after having a rough month! 🎉🎉🎉 I hope my followers thought of me when they saw it? Like "finally she'll stop asking for it" (breaking news, I'll keep asking for more even after the series is over) 😂 It took them 79 chapters to do so and honestly I'm laughing because....yes, I admit it, I expected another vibe for such an important color page coming after such an important emotional scene in chapter 78, but honestly the first thing I thought when I saw it was "....they had to wait 79 chapters for this? 😧" 😂because it's very very "regular", I think it would've been ok for this to come out long ago. LOL I'm being brutally honest here, I hope no one gets offended, especially because that pet peeve aside, OF COURSE I love this precious color page to bits, and I know under its "normalcy", its got a very important meaning to the both of them.

Akiho and Kaito are depicted together clearly during one of their travels....but the question is, is this from the past? Or the near future? I'd daresay they look the same age they are now, so this might probably be a foreshadowing for the future...? They'll keep travelling the world? But seeing the content of the chapter, this might also be just a call-back to their memories together and everything that they experienced during those travels, tightening their bond. Travelling the world is, after all, really their thing, their element. I really like Kaito's expression, with his usual smile that almost turns into a smirk, he gives off a vibe of being finally free to express his emotions. He looks carefree, and that's really something for him. Akiho, on the other hand, is always so much more expressive than him and you can literally feel the joy and excitement emanating from her delighted expression. Travelling with him makes her happy, so yes, should this be what awaits them in the finale, it's fine by me as long as they're happy (I'm rooting for the other option though, the "stay in Tomoeda with your newfound support network" route).

But as you know, I always have to analyze the color pages a bit deeper, especially when they're about these two. And since I had to keep myself distracted, I made a bit of research. Other than the "travelling" vibe, this illustration gives off also kind of a "vintage" vibe (which is another strong element to Akiho and Kaito). It seems Akiho is dressed in a sleeveless coat with cape and wearing a bonnet fully inspired by those worn by children in the second half of the 1800s, in the Victorian era.

(pic courtesy of Etsy) This is a model from 1896, for example. When I pinpointed the period, I immediately thought "uh, the Victorian era is also the period when Alice in Wonderland came out", although that was more towards the 1860s. I found it really interesting and a nice touch for this illustration with a retro flavor (the suitcase and purse also look kinda vintage).

But another thing that immediately caught my eyes were those cute birds landing on Kaito's shoulder and Akiho's bonnet. I immediately tried to look what kind of birds they are, and it seems like they could really be eastern bluebirds, typical of North America. Searching further, I found out that in several cultures bluebirds are harbinger of happiness and symbols of hope. I couldn't honestly have thought for a more fitting symbolism, for these two. Especially cause birds often are associated with an imagery of freedom, and this is something else that these two need, after being hunted by evil people for so long. They really do look free, in this color page. Also, the presence of the birds in this color page immediately brought me back to the color page of chapter 62, where we can see baby Kaito in a wintery setting, sitting on a lamppost, extending his little hand to a swallow coming to him. Swallows are a symbol of hope and bring a message of "spring is coming", and continuing from that message of hope, of "spring is coming for you too", we can finally see here in chapter 79 our Kaito with his true happiness, symbolized literally by the birds most associated with happiness. Another thing that caught my eyes is of course the lily depicted on the cover of the book Akiho is holding, a nice callback to Akiho's mother and Kaito's torment, Lilie. She's always going to be with them ❤️

The Japanese editorial text over the picture is an excerpt of what Momo was musing to herself in chapter 39, while imagining to talk to Kaito: "You traveled with her, and spent time together with her". I think CLAMP chose to feature this line to indicate an important thing that will be restored at the end of this chapter.

Everyone Is Doing Their Best

The chapter starts with a panel showing some light coming off Yukito's house, and we find out that even Touya fainted, exhausted by the effort to keep time stopped as much as possible. Ruby Moon is cradling his head on her lap trying to assist him and "recharge" his magical power, in hope to be able to maintain time "stopped" a bit more. In fact, if you notice, the "black covering" that symbolizes the time-stopping spell isn't completely destroyed yet, but only riddled with "holes", an indication that the spell is still somehow active, even if feebly. I imagine this might "slow down" the attacks, which are still coming but probably not at full speed like they would if the spell came undone completely. I have to point out immediately a mild inaccuracy in the ENG version, that I want to specify in order to dispel extreme theories before they're born: no, Ruby Moon didn't give up all of her powers to Touya, the verb used here is simply 補える, "can replenish (your magic)", not "give all".

Touya doesn't lose his sense of humor even in a dire situation like this, and comments sarcastically "What are you, a battery?", a clear recall to the whole "batteries" matter that came out in the un-rewritten world. Touya isn't supposed to remember about that, and he probably doesn't, but this is just a way from CLAMP to show that even in a situation where memories have been rewritten, some things will be unconsciously said again, because they're just meant to happen.

Ruby Moon calls for assistance from her "brother" Spinel Sun (love how even in these true forms, she still calls him "Suppy"), whom rejects the appellative of "battery" but agrees to give her a hand with "recharging" Touya to keep the spell up a bit longer. Everyone looks outside, only one thought in their minds, which is voiced clearly by a serious Tomoyo: "Sakura and everyone else are fighting with all they've got". I have to point out a typo here in the Japanese version (nothing serious, it can happen and will be surely fixed in the tankobon version): Tomoyo calls Sakura "Sakura-san". I loved the "sparkles" around Tomoyo's eyes, as if indicating that her extraordinary intuition is "at work" and just telling her that, even if they can't see them because they're quite far away, Sakura and the others are doing whatever they can to stop these attacks. And the fact they can see the attacks, but not their friends and their condition, must be really hard to witness, for all of them. But no worries, there's Touya nii-chan who's always ready to lighten the mood even in this challenging situation, joking that "If they don't get back before the curfew, they won't be getting their snacks tomorrow!". Here the ENG adds "squirt" to make Touya refer specifically to Sakura, but truth to be told, in the JP there's no subject, so he might be referring to everyone. It's amazing how he's able to keep his spirit up and be sarcastic even in this situation....he really believes in his little sister so much!

I'll Make Them Forget About You

Back where our heroes are, the attacks keep coming relentlessly, countered by Syaoran, Yue and Kero in tandem. Sakura reflects on the fact that the only transparent Cards she's got left are these two she's holding in her hands (Time and Rewind) and Flight. This statement leads me to believe that when Record transformed into that crystal that entered her, that meant that the Card completed its duty and disappeared inside of her. But Sakura isn't worried at all, because she knows that she can create more Cards. Yessss, this development that I've been anticipating since quite some time is finally here! ✨🎉 Sakura seems to finally have a concrete plan, but before proceeding, she needs to ascertain something. She asks directly to Kaito: "The people who are using these spells were trying to hurt you, right?". Kaito, with a pensive face, answers affirmatively.

But it's when Sakura asks again "Were they trying to hurt Akiho too?" that his expression turns really painful, the background after him portraying well his raging emotions and, while Mokona-sensei chose to leave Akiho hidden by Kaito's black wings in the previous panels, now she finally shows how both she and Kaito are holding onto eachother, while our boy answers with a "...Yes" dripping with sorrow. It really squeezed my heart with pain, this scene. Because as long as Sakura was asking about him, his expression was pensive but almost as if it's something he's used to, that didn't shake him too much. But when Sakura mentions Akiho, god, that wrecked him. Any mention, any reminescence of what those bastards did to her and how they were chasing after her to put their filthy hands on her again wrecks him even now, and it's like Mokona with her visual skills is showing how Kaito seems to be holding Akiho a little bit tighter, while he answers Sakura's question. I also have to point out something that I had noticed already from last chapter, but a panel tricked me into believing I was just seeing things: CLAMP here use a dark screentone for Kaito's eyes, that he never had before (actually, no other character in CCS got this effect in their eyes). This effect will be used on him for the entire chapter.

And it seems like it's the very same screentone that was used for the dragon. I think this might be an indication that the wings aren't the only reminescence of his dragon appearance!

Sakura shows once again an incredible empathy that allows her to go right to the heart of the issue without investigating much. If Kaito rewrote an entire world, and if it's true that Akiho in the previous world didn't have all the love and familiar support she's got now, it means that she was probably in danger too. And seeing as these people are attacking them now because they freed Kaito from his "punishment", Sakura doesn't really need much to make 2+2 and understand the situation. Sakura believes in Akiho, therefore she believes in Kaito too, and knows that if he came to this point it's because they were in a desperate and dangerous situation.

Showing an incredible insight, Sakura shocks both Kaito and Akiho by asking:

Sakura, JP: "In that case, can I make those people forget about you both?"

Because our girl needs to make sure that the plan she came up with won't have any undesired consequences. But most importantly, she needs to have their consent. She reiterates this once again, actually she will make sure to ask Kaito and Akiho's consent 3 times in total. She says: JP, lit. "If going back to before the world was rewritten will put you through hardships once again, then, can I just make them forget?" Kaito is even more shocked, because he finally understands Sakura's intent. A generous, selfless intent born from a loving heart. Our girl wants to make sure that these two will be safe and sound once she fixes this situation. She can't take risks, because their happiness is all she's really caring for right now. And in his shocked expression, I can also see some kind of "omg YES, PLEASE" vibe. Because probably, having those terrible people forgetting all about them is everything he ever wished, but couldn't achieve. And I think it's really funny how we berated Kaito so much in the past chapters for making Akiho and the others forget facts that happened before and forgetting about him, but here Sakura just takes "inspiration" from him and actually decides to use that same "trick" in the right way. Because it's not fair that it should be them, the abused people, to forget about their most important person, in order to achieve a happy life for at least one of them. It isn't fair and it isn't right that Kaito was driven into making all the mess that he made, pushed by desperation. The abusers, that clan and Association of magicians, should be the ones forgetting.

But this is Cardcaptor Sakura Clear Card's finale, and Sakura definitely hasn't finished with being amazing yet, she actually just started. Her very strong power at this point allows her not only to see things that were difficult before, but also to connect the dots more easily thanks to that renowned instinct that I've always talked to you about, and that she learned to finally listen to.

As if she were seeing through him with X-rays, she confidently affirms that there's a book inside of him, a white book where you can inscribe magic on. And she also knows that that same book was inside Akiho, once. I guess this might be even coming from past memories of the unrewritten world (do you remember when, before the play started, Sakura said that she could feel something inside Akiho?). Akiho of course is shocked to hear that, and from her expression you can almost feel the chill that went down her spine in that moment. Sakura affirms that this book knows both Akiho and Kaito (thanks to the fact that it was inside both of them - something that I've always found painfully heartbreaking but also quite moving, for my ship), and it's got a very strong power inside of it. These will be two crucial things for Sakura's plan. In fact, our heroine is hellbent in attempting something pretty arduous: utilizing that artifact's power to create a new Card. For impartiality, I have to point out that the ENG added (completely on their whim) a "you, her special person" that isn't there in the JP version! Of course it's all the better for me, since they repeat (finally with the right adjective) that Kaito is Akiho's special person, but it's kinda funny that they messed it up so much in the previous chapters, and now they're adding it where there isn't any mention of it!

Sakura will be using a tool that knows the both of them, therefore she is sure that her plan will succeed, because the Card will know what it will need to erase. Sakura asks for Kaito and Akiho's agreement one last time. After hearing how those people wanted to hurt them both and even implanted the same magical artifact inside of her, Akiho is quite resolute and doesn't have any doubt: on with the wiping off! It doesn't matter who those people are, they've tried to harm her most important person and her too, so she doesn't really seem to give a damn about proceeding with this plan. Kaito, on the other hand, seems to be giving a more lackluster affirmative reply, but it's not that he's uncertain: he's just still riddled with guilt for all the mess that he's done, and he's probably realizing that now Sakura will need to put herself on the line in order to fix this and protect both of them, hence his sad face.

Still surfing the confidence wave, Sakura guesses that once those people have forgotten about Akiho and Kaito, then the magic arrows will stop too, and Kaito confirms that: forgetting about the person who had the Seal of D enforced on him will be equal to "undo" both the activation of the Seal itself (when Kaito removed the book from Akiho) and also the rescission of it (what Sakura did when she freed Kaito from the cage). This will therefore stop the arrows too, because the Seal wouldn't have been triggered in the first place. However, Kaito warns her that, although time is still barely "stopped" (because the time-stopping spell is still weakly on), it's necessary an enormous amount of power in order to do what Sakura wants to do. I have to point out another inaccuracy in the ENG translation in this part, which makes Kaito say "before things could get worse" and I have the feeling they misunderstood the word 辛うじて, "barely" or "narrowly", which is also written with the kanji of 辛い, "hard" or "tough". So Kaito isn't saying "before things could get worse" but actually meaning "although time is barely stopped".

Sakura doesn't seem to be scared by Kaito's warning, and activates her wand without a second thought, and immediately we can see that her task wil NOT be easy, as she can feel the strain almost right away.

Here we go with another inaccuracy of the ENG translation:

Sakura, ENG: "Great book, please show yourself! My power alone won't be enough...!" Sakura, JP: "The book....doesn't want to come out. (it's too difficult to pull it out) with just my power..."

Basically, Sakura isn't begging the book to "show itself", she's actually actively trying to pull it out of Kaito, and she's aware that it's opposing a lot of resistance, and her power alone isn't enough to take this damn book out. Sakura refuses to give up, because everyone else is doing their best too. Yes, everyone else.

And that's when CLAMP decided to bring us a big surprise for this finale.

A pair of hands seem to be appearing next to Sakura's, as if a spirit is hugging her from behind. We can see the famous fan that we learned to recognize so well ever since her first appearance in Movie 1. Sakura feels immediately the same magical power of Syaoran surrounding her, and with her instinct she finally recognizes her: it's Syaoran's mother, YELAN!!! We can see her, sweating and all, in her sacred chinese pavilion, lending her power to help in this difficult task.

What a great, welcome surprise for this finale!! You might have heard me saying on Twitter that Clear Card is really a celebration of motherhood, with this constant presence of mothers and mother figures who try to help these kids growing up without removing their right to choose for themselves. And since Yelan is the only mother figure who can concretely help Sakura in this moment, with her immense power, I really loved to see how this woman didn't hesitate to assist her future daugher in law. For any SyaoSaku fan, this scene here is a huge thing. We have seen in the anime how Yelan doted on Sakura ever since she met her in Movie 1, even before her own son realized his feelings for this girl. Yelan and Sakura haven't met in the manga yet (and hello, CLAMP, now this is a good chance for letting that happen, after the madness is over), but the woman didn't hesitate a moment to lend her power. I can really imagine how along these two will get, in the future. ❤️

Sakura thanks her aloud, while her eyes show that she's really really tired. Yelan's assistance is finally effective in summoning the artifact book out of Kaito, and we see again those countless book pages that we saw both when Akiho used to go "berserk", and also in the most heartbreaking scene of chapter 70. Kaito, still holding onto a worried Akiho, seems to suffer physically from this removal, and I can't understand if it's because removing something magical from inside is naturally painful (we've been shown something like that before, Syaoran crouching to the ground in pain while the Sakura Cards were being removed from inside of him) OR if the removal of the artifact also triggered his poor health conditions in which we left him, before he disappeared in chapter 70.

Sakura tries with all she's got and finally manages to turn the artifact into its "true form": a book filled with countless of spells written in strange magic runes.

You have spotted it, right? ☝️ I haven't seen many fandom reactions yet, but I guess this "cameo" made more than one person scream: it's Fay D. Fluorite's tattoo, yes! This page of the "book" is probably describing the procedure to cast that tattoo (which was also a kind of "seal", if I remember correctly). So that spells exists in this CCS world too! 😅 The magic Sakura is weaving starts "working" on the book, literally removing the spells from its pages and turning them back to their original form of magical books (remember that the Squids used to say that they would inscribe "magic books" and their power onto Akiho?).

Then, solemnly, we hear probably for the last time ever the magical incantation that accompanied us in the beginning of the story, used by Sakura to secure the strange manifestations of power into a transparent Card:

ENG: "Force without master, heed the call of my Staff of Dreams and become my power! SECURE!"

The countless of books and all this tremendous amount of power get secured into the birth of a new Card: BLANK!!!

Blank got the human appearance of Akiho, but also the protective wings of Kaito. The girl is holding a book (of course, how perfect for her) which is the representation of the artifact that was inside both Kaito and Akiho. This card is really so meaningful for someone like me who loves Akiho and Kaito. It's representing them united in their suffering (the artifact) but also in the hope for a better future (Akiho is smiling and the Card will be used to grant them safety, away from their abusers). I've always imagined that one of the last Cards Sakura might have produced would have Akiho and Kaito's elements, and here it is.

Also, how AWESOME is that Sakura managed to dispose of that damn artifact and succeeded to use it for Kaito and Akiho's sake, and turned it against the monsters who created it??? HOW. AWESOME. IS. THAT!!!!

Producing the very first consciously created transparent Card sucked almost all of Sakura's power and strength, and she's close to fainting, under the terrified eyes of Akiho, who lets go of Kaito for a moment in a gesture of going towards her "sister". But Sakura isn't done yet, no. She can't give up yet because her job isn't done.

And I Will Make Them Remember About You

Sakura wants for Akiho and the people who care about her (the ENG decided to translate this with "the people SHE holds dear") to remember who Akiho really is. She wants basically to "undo" what the rewriting of the world caused on the people who know Akiho, making them believe that she was born into the Kinomoto family and that she was Sakura and Touya's sister.

After pondering for a while and discussing with my friends over at my Discord server, I decided I'm not gonna go out on a limb and assume things from this decision, because I definitely NEED to read the next chapter to see how much Sakura intends people to remember, with this move. It's really not clear at all, as of now.

Anyway, other translation inaccuracy incoming!

Sakura, ENG: "I'm going to make another new card for that...and I might not have the power to do it alone" Sakura, JP: "It might probably be really difficult to create one more new card with my power, right now..."

As you can see, the nuance is different, because Sakura in the JP addresses how it's almost impossible for her to create another new card in the situation she is in right now, exhausted and all.

That's why, very cleverly, she's going to do something different. (My gosh how proud I am of this girl!!)

Saying "But these two Cards will surely help me", Sakura skillfully manages to merge Time and Rewind to create a new Card, not from scratch (which requires more power) but using what she's already got: and that's how the REMIND Card is born!!! The name of the Card originated by just replacing the "W" of Rewind with the "M" of Time. Ingenious, isn't it???

And as the two Cards merge, they give us lots of flashbacks, like the "effect" used here resembles a lot the one that used to happen when Sakura was changing the Clow Cards into the Sakura Cards back in the old arcs, or how the merging of two Cards seems to also be a callback to how the "card without name" and the "Nothing" merged to create HOPE in the very last minutes of Movie 2! What a nostalgic trip down the memories lane!

And the appearance of this Card is even more touching, because it features Syaoran (with his current age) holding Nadeshiko's pendant watch. I found that so sweet, especially coupled with Yelan's assistance to Sakura in this chapter. Yelan associated with Sakura, and Syaoran associated with Nadeshiko. How sweet. And when you think that even Lilie, Akiho's mother, was associated with Kaito, you really can realize that this is some kind of "theme" that CLAMP seemed to be wanting to portray in this story.

I Can't Be On Everyone's Side

And now, the scene that I think is worth the whole chapter, but probably the whole Clear Card Arc in its entirety. As usual, with important scenes, I'll use the literal translation from Japanese:

Sakura, JP: "It might not be right that there'll be people who will forget things (after this), but....I can't be everyone's friend/ally/can't be on everyone's side. So I won't go back...but actually, along with the people important to me... I WANT TO GO ON"

Wow. Let that sink in.

Sakura, of Cardcaptor Sakura, just came to the realization and spelled out clearly that she cannot be on everyone's side. That she cannot be "everyone's friend", like in a cheesy fairytale.

And I really, really, want to thank CLAMP-sensei for this scene and this line because for a period, long time ago, I was worried that this story would go down the "let's be friends" or "let's show sympathy to them" route. But as the chapters continued and the things CLAMP told us about the Association and the Squids were more and more cruel, and they made me more and more sick, I started to realize that there was simply no way CLAMP could've had Sakura try to justify or compromise with them. Because when cruelty is real, there's no compromise to be made.

This scene also shows how Sakura realizes for the first time ever that in her world, contrary to what we all believed previously, evil exists. It might not touch her or her "entourage" directly (and she's really blessed for that), but it exists out there and it's hurting people, people who can also become really important to her. And she decides to not stand idly by, blessed as she is with the luck of not experiencing that evilness, but actually using whatever it is in her power to bring those suffering people to safety.

Sakura cannot fight those people on equal terms. She's just 13, and although her power is very strong, she's still inexperienced. Moreover, she cannot really bring herself to deny her current nature and use violence on other human beings. That's not Sakura. I want you guys to reflect on this because I know that one of the favorite things expected for this finale was to have a direct magical confrontation with the true villains of this arc, defeating them and restablishing the peace. And I am sincere when I say that I would've wished for the same too, because you know how much I love Kaito and Akiho, and how much I was disgusted to read about what they did to them. I've spread my "burn the squids" gifs all over the fandom. I wanted someone to vindicate them. But not here. Not in this manga. I realized that after the initial satisfaction, I would've probably felt like the series would've been "defiled". And that's exactly what happens when you answer to violence with more violence.

Sakura just could not go hunting those bastards down and defeat them in a magical battle. Because, powerful and corrupted in their greed as they are, the only way to "fix" this situation would've been to exterminate them. I just could not picture this story to cross that boundary, no matter how much the bar had already been raised well over what we initially thought.

So, if someone out there is disappointed by this outcome, I'm sorry for you, but it was just not meant to be and I'm actually really glad that this series kept true to its fundamental values. Of course it would, CLAMP really do care about this series and they know very well how far to push the plot, and when to actually stop.

So what is the role of Akiho's clan and the Magic Association in this story, especially considering that we never saw their faces at all? Talking with lots of fans in these years, especially Japanese, I've come to the conclusion that they are not in this story to fill the "villain that needs to be deafeated" role, but actually they're a representation of abusive families that smother and suffocate their children with expectations, completely disregarding those children's natural inclinations, and abuse them when they do not meet such expectations, but also the society as a whole, that looks at you only basing on how it can take advantage of you. Which is exactly what happened to Akiho and Kaito, driving them to very dark places. The absence of faces for those characters makes it possible for the readers to see the Squids and the Association as the representation of whatever environment they relate the most to. It can be family, society, school, workplace etc... It also helps us focusing on their actions, rather than their faces, and not attribute any prejudice to them (because of religion, race, skin color, or whatever other attribute they could have).

Seeing as the story treats them more like a concept, than an actual entity, it's basically impossible for Sakura to defeat them (and their great power is an indication of that impossibility). Just like in real life, darkness will always exist, along with light. Good and evil will always be side by side. It's bigger than any of us. Then, what can we do, in a situation like this? What Sakura is choosing to do, here, is not to confront directly with violence these people who are way out of her league, and not even to sit back and look, but actually finding a way to make them forget about her friends and keeping her friends safe, granting them the possibility of living a happy life, finally away from the darkness of the past, healing the wounds on their souls together with the people they love and who love them back. Because even if you've been abused in the past, you can still hope for a happy life.

The focus here is all on helping the abused people. And Sakura, in order to do that, is okay with coming to terms with the fact that she can't be on everyone's side, and she needs to choose. In the end, the thing that really matters the most is to GO ON with your most important people. Not going back to what is lost, but going forward. And I know that this is such a CLAMP theme, and I'm glad that they reiterated it in this arc. When I say that Clear Card brought Sakura so much more closer to what's usual for CLAMP, I mean this.

The panel with Sakura raising her staff and shouting she wants to go on is absolutely beautiful, with those wings growing so big and unleashing Sakura's power in a storm of cherry blossom petals.

Sakura is exhausted, she finally reached her limit by using her ultimate magic. As she faints, her eyes just make it in time to catch a glimpse of her prince, the love of her life grabbing tightly his girlfriend's hand, to not let her fall, while the watch of Remind and the book of Blank do their job in the background. And I really loved this spread too, because even if it's not a conventional romantic scene made of physical display of love, this in my opinion is even more powerful. Many were reminded of Tsubasa, but I was also reminded of the long time those two spent unable to touch one another, and this scene here seems like a catharsis for that hardship they went through. Syaoran will always catch Sakura everytime she falls, he will always be there to grab her hand, no matter if he can really touch her or not. Cause his love is stronger than any kind of impediment. He will always be by her side, no matter what. When she's exhausted by her heroine's duties, she knows that she can always count on him to support her.

And speaking of "always be by her side", I just can't avoid mentioning how Akiho and Kaito stayed "glued" to eachother for the entire duration of this chapter, protecting and supporting one another. Kaito, in particular, kept holding Akiho even as Sakura's magic was hurting him like hell, because it was extracting the book from him. Even in excruciating pain, he did not let go of Akiho, intent in protecting her and keeping her safe in his hold. Akiho let go of him just for a moment when she was scared out of her mind for Sakura, but went back to him when she saw that her "sister" was hellbent in completing her task no matter what. Kaito, as the good "moon boy" he is, is someone who shows his feelings through his actions rather than words, just like Syaoran. And his constant grip on Akiho in this chapter, such an opposite act compared to how he used to stop his hand everytime it started reaching out to her, told me all that I needed to know about him: she's his most important person, and he will never let go of her, ever again.

Sakura wakes up in her bed. The scene is a direct parallel with an almost identical scene in chapter 3, as you can see here:

Kero is next to her and is relieved to see her awake, so he goes to shout in the hallway, directed to Touya, that Sakura is finally awake. Sakura seems a bit surprised to see Kero talking so nonchalantly with her brother, and he tells her that he chatted with him back at Yukito's house, together with Suppy, so I guess now he finds it "natural" to talk to her brother too! 😂 I'm kinda glad to know that, I like this "change of relationship", compared to the old series (and it was also kinda long overdue).

Sakura opens the palm of her hands and she finds the Dream Key, still intact and all. She also asks about Remind and Blank, and Kero confirms to her that she was able to use them successfully! Sakura is absolutely delighted to hear that, and says "We were able to go on!"

And thaaaaaaat's how the second-to-last chapter of Cardcaptor Sakura Clear Card ends! Solving a lot of the pending situations, but still leaving some secondary questions that will surely find a (more or less) detailed explanation in the final, next chapter. And well, we also have to prepare to not have ALL the answers to ALL the questions we might have. This is usual for CLAMP, and especially in their Spaces they never made it a secret that they love for their fans to wreck their brains over theories and imagining the characters' future after a series is over. They love for the fans to give their interpretations to things, they encourage that a lot (also because it creates more long-lasting engagement with their series).

Alas, I expect they'll leave something in particular to everyone's interpretation, but we'll see. 😅

Overall, I really loved this chapter and it was really emotional for me. I think it's fitting for a "climax". Sakura was ABSOLUTELY running the show and after this I dare anyone to say that she isn't the main character of her story. She pushed her limits, and even questioned her own morality in doing so. What a wonderful thing. She reminded me so much of Sakura-hime when she shooted all those monsters in order to take the precious egg, back in the Acid Tokyo arc of Tsubasa. She knew she was doing something bad, but her wish to do everything needed in order to "have him back" was stronger than anything else. And she made her own choice. Here, Sakura, on a smaller scale, made her own choice too.

Now, I hope in the last chapter we'll be granted the possibility to delve a bit more into Kaito and his thoughts, I need to see his character development, I need to see that he learned something from this. That he -at least- started to interrogate himself over the nature of his feelings for Akiho. I know it's reasonable to think that with him, things will take looooong time, but as least show me the signs. Because I need to know that Akiho will be truly happy with him (I know she will!), and she can only be if he's learned to be honest with himself. And learned what Lilie meant with the last conversation we saw between them.

Also, WHERE'S MOMO, I NEED TO SEE MOMO BEFORE THIS ENDS!!

Okay, this is probably the longest post I ever did but I think as the second-to-last chapter it deserved to have some big thematics explored in depth, because they're very important. I'm still pondering if I should divide the post of the final chapter in two because, in addition to even more pages, I expect there'll be soooooooooo much to talk about (cross your fingers with me that there won't be any translation mistake).

I also hope there'll be room for an epilogue or a couple of extra chapters, to help us coping with the separation in a more gradual way, cause after 7 years it's quite hard. I was curious to see the end, of course, but also not entirely ready to let this wonderful story go. I really, really enjoyed it and I say this from the bottom of my heart. I don't care what everyone else thinks, I can only be grateful to CLAMP for Clear Card Arc. 🙏

Chapter 80, along with all the tears that will come with it, is expected to be uploaded on November 29th on CLAMP's Youtube channel. Yes, it's less than a month away! I also expect some news about the anime (BLESS THE ANIME!! Something to cling onto when the manga is over 😭).

Well, see you at the end of November (please come to hold my hand cause I cannot do this alone, lol) !!!

#cardcaptor sakura #card captor sakura #ccsakura #clear card arc #ccs spoilers #sakura card captor #chapter 79 #sakura kinomoto #akiho shinomoto #yuna d. kaito #syaoran li #translation differences

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aerequets · 1 year

Note

Hello again!

I was wondering if you had any spy x family fic recs that are twiyor centric? AUs? I’m having trouble finding ones that are what I’m looking for. Ratings don’t matter. Anything from G to E would be appreciated! Thank you!!

boy oh BOY do i have twiyor fic recs !!!! it's like basically all i read LMAO and i am always on a hunt for more. i feel like i have read through a good chunk of what's on ao3 and i still feel starved. there's always my bookmarks you can sift through for twiyor fics, but for some more curated recommendations (and this is not gonna include all the ones i've lost my mind over, that's far too many, this is just what i can remember off the top of my head):

the living blues by @nire-the-mithridatist

GOD it would be such an understatement to say i am a huge fan of not only this work but EVERY WORK by this author because SHE HAS A WAY WITH WORDS OKAY. i avoid angst like the plague but i saw the happy ending tag to this fic and IT DIDN'T DISAPPOINT (chapter 6 is gonna be an epilogue)!!!!!!! AUGHHH this isnt even a good review im just yelling but yeah this is really good and also pretty much everything else by this author, i'll say it now so this list doesn't have numerous fics by the same person just do yourself a favor and read through what she's got if you haven't already

rated T, 5/6 chapters, currently 14k words

(edit: completed!)

With Kid Gloves by crownofrosegold on ao3

4 words: Mr Darcy Hand Flex

rated G, 1/2 chapters, currently 2.5k words

(edit: completed!)

the most yearning, pining, longing fic ever with the least physical touch ever. loid traces yor's gloves in his pocket with his thumb and its somehow intimate. yeah

it's been a hot minute since it's updated but the first chap can kinda be read as a standalone (to me) which is why i rec, even though i personally only go after finished fics for my own sanity :^) also its just too darn cute how can i not

How to Be a Supportive Husband by @nemaliwrites

rated T, 1/1 chapters, 910 words

short and sweet drabble of the most simpiest loid post reveal. what more could you want

MISSION: Bottom Feeder by SilverSupa on ao3

rated T, 2/4 chapters, currently 9.5k words

this one is just too good and funny LMAOO yor and loid are Peak Stupid and also Peak Attracted To Each Other so it's just. mm good mix. this one's also been a hot second since it's last update but i love it too much so its on this list

even when we're not together (will you stay with me?) by JaMills on ao3

rated T, 1/1 chapters, 4.5k words

gosh this is another one of those super good reads that make you sit and think after you're done. soulmate AU where they swap bodies as children until they meet. personally i'm not the most dedicated reader of aus where yor and loid meet as kids, but the way its handled here is just so good and adds to the story. it's also part of a series and the next installment is equally as good. this is another one of those authors that has a lot of quality stuff (although there's a good dash of angst which i keep my distance from JKFHISDH) so look through their page!

Enough by Frotu on ao3

rated T, 1/1 chapters, 4k words

EHEHE THIS ONE HAS ME GIGGLING AND KICKING MY FEET FR it is soooo cute. typical thing of yors coworkers getting into her head, she asks loid if what they have is enough, and... well.... you can read what happens from there ;] (spoiler: it's very cute)

a dream in charmeuse by selfetish (@selfetishizing ) on ao3

rated T, 2/2 chapters, 12k words

oh gosh, the prose in this is just?? so insanely good??? its such a pretty read. this is twiyor, yes, but it's also a deep dive into femininity and yor's understanding/rediscovery of it. i remember the first time i read it the opening scene of the first chapter was just so GOOD to me, i was like OMG i am not gonna forget this this is so iconic AND IT IS!!!!! i love me a good yor centric fic. we usually get more of twilight contemplation (i mean he has got the whole mission thing going on and hes our resident overthinker so, understandable) but this was such a nice look into yor's..,, like, fundamental building blocks?? if that makes sense?? its just good ok read it

"The Five Times Loid Forger Went Topless In Front of His Wife and the One Time She Reciprocated" Or “Bare-Chested in Berlint” by Talik_Sanis on ao3

rated M, 6/6 chapters, 17.5k words

that title should tell you all you need to know right LMAOOO it's just yor being incredibly horny, like embarrassingly so. she lacks a grip

again this is just 8 fics, where my bookmarks list are over 200 (yeesh) so feel free to look through those. i've also got some fics, most of which are twiyor lmao (brainrot i told you). and don't forget to show these awesome authors some love!

#fic recs #sxf fic #spy x family #sxf #spy x family fic #fanfic

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sohypothetically · 3 months

Text

Let's go back in time, Lovelies, to 2012. I had just mainlined The Hunger Games series for the first time (and the second, then the third) and had never read a fanfic. I barely knew what they were.

So I read my first fic. My First Date with Katniss Everdeen

It was unputdownable. (Is that a word? It should be a word.)

Anyway, I remember reading Mockingjay and being struck by the gap between when Katniss goes back to 12 and when Peeta returns. Where was Peeta? WHERE WAS HE? I became a bit obsessed.

Moving On was born. It's a short 33K fic that attempts to answer this question. Told from Peeta's point of view, the goal was to get the reader up close and personal with the action in the Capitol.

The Blurb: What happens to Peeta while Katniss is awaiting trial at the end of Mockingjay? How does he put himself back together? How does he end up back in District 12? Takes place before the Epilogue. Rating is T. May move to M due to some hijacking memories.

Fanfic.net

Almost immediately after finishing that, I started writing another. Building the Dream was meant to be my own sort of Empire Strikes Back. It's told in third person and it actually covers some of the same events of Moving On.

The Blurb: Dr. Aurelius treats Peeta and brings him back to himself at the end of Mockingjay. How does that happen? What role does President Paylor have in making sure Peeta can become whole without Plutarch using him as a piece in a new game? Rated T due to descriptions of Peeta's treatment by the Capitol post Quarter Quell.

Fanfic.net

If you decide to check them out, let me know!

What I loved about these stories:

They got me started on writing.

They were in-universe, canon. At the time that's what I loved to read.

There's no sex. (more on sex scenes much, much later.)

Both of these are *character first*. That's how I write all of my stuff and it's translated into my originals as well. I want to write characters that I want to read.

I loved Building the Dream because it really helped me develop an older love interest. Also, I'm especially proud of a few of the battle scenes.

What was hard:

I don't read a lot of political stuff, so the politics was hard. I remember talking to @randomnoteforfuturereference for hours over some of the things he thought would happen as a result of the events of Mockingjay.

It's meant to be a trilogy. I never wrote the third installment and that really bothers me.

I don't know why I never put either of these on AO3. I remember getting roasted horribly for a canon description mistake in Moving On, pulling it, correcting it, and then like, curling up and sucking my thumb for days. Clearly, that affected me.

One more thing. I'm pretty sure the third chapter of Building the Dream was right around the time I read Hotel Paper the first time.

It haunted me. Gutted me. I still think about it.

If you haven't read it, you should. Seriously. But be prepared to cry and need some tissues.

#10 years of fanfiction #10 years of fanfic #sohypothetically writes

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thrilling-oneway · 10 months

Text

i'm not sure if this is me overthinking things or my media gcse is actually paying off but i wanted to talk about this detail from pandemonium that i haven't seen anyone else point out.

(this kinda unravels into a character study halfway through don't question it)

in chapter 5 (subs here), Shizuku talks about a childhood memory where Tsukasa intervened in an argument her friend group was having. She adds that this interaction made her realise that Tsukasa is the kind of person who really values his friends. Fast forward a second and Shizuku has complimented Tsukasa to the point of embarrassment, Rui teases him over it and Tsukasa gets annoyed and asks what kind of person he takes him for.

Specifically what I want to talk about is Rui's response to that, or lack of response, since he never gets the opportunity before the group moves on to their next tour spot. Internally we see that he agrees with Shizuku's take that Tsukasa is the kind of person who loves his friends a lot, remembering that Tsukasa had been looking out for him and encouraging him to make friends during the trip. He ends up coming to the conclusion that Tsukasa's happiness comes from seeing his friends happy, which makes sense, since we already knew it works the same with Saki. As I said though, he never gets to actually say that out loud.

Kind of.

While I wouldn't question it if only Shizuku had mentioned this detail about Tsukasa and the scene had moved on, the fact that they added that little bit on the end with Rui realising that statement is true makes me go into delusional media student mode.

Point #1: HOLY SHIT the Rui character development in this event was insane. That deserves its own post which I will write some other time but I was genuinely not expecting this to be the end of his first character arc. I mean, we still haven't got the last WxS event of the season yet so they might throw in an epilogue, but this felt like a proper conclusion to his character arc. Rui started out as someone who didn't have any close friends, he was lonely, and in this event he's finally starting to make friends outside of other MCs and actually coming to terms with the fact that, yes, his friends do care about him and his wellbeing. To put it shortly, he feels loved.

Point #2 slash Point #1.5: I said kind of. Does he answer Tsukasa's question out loud at the time? No. It was kinda rhetorical anyway but shhhh. But. Does he answer it later? Yes absolutely. Chapter 8 specifically (no fan TL yet so I'm running off DeepL and wiktionary as normal). You see what I said above, about how they could've just left it with Shizuku saying that Tsukasa is someone who cares about his friends and then just moved on? Yeah this is what I mean. The whole event still works if you remove the part with Rui. But including it does add a little set up for chapter 8. What kind of person does Rui think Tsukasa is?

Chapter 8 is where Rui outright admits that Tsukasa changed his life. Without Tsukasa inviting him to join WxS, he never would've gotten close with Nene again, never would've met Emu, never would've had friends. And thanks to that, he's now able to keep making new friends. He's happy. Thanks to Tsukasa, he can be happy now. Ship or not, Tsukasa impacted Rui's life a lot. Going back to chapter 5 of the event, that's where Rui realises that his friends, or Tsukasa specifically, actually cares about his wellbeing and his happiness, something which he wouldn't have been able to say a few months prior in-universe. Again, ship or not, Tsukasa is like. the most important person in his life right now.

Point #3 slash 2 / 1.5 part 2: This one's less media student and more overthinking it but still a media student. But whatever. Anyway, maybe I'm thinking too hard about the fact that Rui specifically outlines that Tsukasa's happiness comes from seeing his friends happy, but like. I wonder if that realisation is part of the reason why he even told Tsukasa all of that. Like. He's not normally very honest about his feelings, hell he doesn't even realise them half of the time. Even in his last WxS event, he never told the other members about the job offer Asahi gave him, he doesn't even realise how much the prospect of leaving WxS was hurting him until Asahi had to take back the offer for him because of how sad and pained he looked when he accepted it. So the fact that he's fully aware that yes, Tsukasa had an impact on his life, yes, he feels like he's loved and cared for by the people around him, yes, he actually wants to make friends, yes, he's truly happy - it really sticks out, the fact that for like the first time, someone didn't have to tell him this to his face. It sticks out that he even admitted it out loud to the person his feelings revolve around.

But trail back up again to where I mentioned chapter 5. Tsukasa's happiness comes from his friends' happiness. Rui is a much kinder character than people give him credit for. I don't think it would be out of the question for him to want to give back some of the genuine happiness Tsukasa gave him. I mean he says it, right? He thanks Tsukasa for giving him the chance to change his life. And it does make Tsukasa happy to hear that Rui is happy; he says he's welcome, but still points out that Rui came to this point by his own will as well. He's happy that Rui was able to turn his life around.

Like literally the very last thing said in the event. Rui finally has friends, people who love and care for him. He's finally genuinely happy.

Fufu. I'm sorry Tsukasa-kun, but …… this is also going to be a fun memory for me! You really make me smile a lot, Tsukasa-kun! And with those smiles, I will make new friends and new relationships.

Bye I'm gonna go cry in a corner I love this event sm.

#mfw this was meant to be two paragraphs but now i'm just exposing you to my ritk media student delusions #pandemonium won't leave my brain i love character development and i wanted to (try and) articulate my thoughts on it #whoops i wrote half of this and then got distracted for like 2 or so hours my bad #project sekai #kamishiro rui #rambles #idk should i tag this as ship? it's not necessarily such like i'm just talking about canon lol #ruikasa #maybe?#view how you want

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louellaby · 8 months

Text

FORGET-ME-NOT

REPLACED!MC AU

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

W A R N I N G

May contain bad grammar, limited vocabulary, and OOC characters. Please mind that English is not my first language, and it takes a lot of courage for me to post due to my anxiety and paranoia.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

taglist: @books-and-catears @owl778

C H A P T E R I V

「 Call My Name 」

It was early on a Saturday morning. The breakfast for nine people had already been prepared by you and Lucifer, despite knowing that not everyone ate breakfast together during the weekends. But after some convincing much earlier that day, Lucifer agreed to let Soley feel more welcome than he intended to. With your persuasion, of course.

Leaving Lucifer to wake his brothers up, you left on your own way towards Soley's room just down the hall from yours. You couldn't hear anything happening from the room, indicating that maybe she was still asleep, but after you knocked thrice and called out her name, she responded and opened the door. There Soley stood in the same clothes she had worn when you left her the night before. Her eyes were slightly puffy, mascara seemed to have wiped off with traces of it messily smudge under her eyes, and her sclerae had hints of red. She didn't get any sleep at all.

You knew she had a hard first night, which reminded you of your own, so you showed her a worried look and asked how she was faring. Without a second thought, Soley grabbed your hand and pulled you inside the room, closing the door behind you before throwing herself into your embrace. She quietly sobbed, muttering that she wanted to go home. But both of you knew she couldn't, just like you couldn't. One year is such a long time to be suddenly kept away from the life you were comfortable in.

As you held the poor girl in your arms, rubbing her back to calm her down, that's when you decided to stay by her side. To make her feel like one year wouldn't be that long a time. She just needed to enjoy it like you did, and only the right people could help her do that.

After you calmed her down and helped her get ready for the day, the two of you headed towards the dining room where everyone was waiting. The sight was just as you expected it— some frowning at the idea of being woken up early, some still having a bedhead, and some hiding the fact that they were bothered by the sudden change. But the brothers knew they couldn't refuse a request from you; it was you, after all. Their one and only MC.

"Good morning, everyone," you greeted as soon as you entered the room. The boys' heads turned towards you, and they lit up at the sight of your bright smile in that seemingly awful and gloomy morning. "I'm sorry for changing our schedules this abruptly, but I thought it would be great for all of us."

"Don't worry about it, MC," Beelzebub responded, his mouth already full of food. "I'm happy to eat breakfast with all of you."

"Yeah, it's no problem," Mammon added, shrugging his shoulders. "It's not like it's a big change, ya know. I mean, we eat breakfast every day before school anyway."

"Says the one who wouldn't get up from his bed and had to be dragged out," Levi sighed before rubbing his tired eyes.

Without letting them wait another minute, you headed towards your seat at the other end of the table across from Lucifer, who sat at the host's end. You let Soley sit next to Beelzebub, just to your left, knowing that he's the one who'd have the least problem with it. "Sorry for making you wait. Let's eat!"

"It was the same again," Soley sighed and squeezed your hand tightly. Feeling defeated, she hung her head and stared at the ground while the two of you walked through the well-lit streets of the Devildom. "MC, I know you told me to prepare myself for noise while we're living there at the house, but are they always that quiet during meals? They barely spoke a word to each other, and only seemed to answer you and any question you ask them."

You hummed in answer, pulling yourself deep in thought as you let your body move by itself. You were sure of it by then. The brothers don't like being around the new human. Even Lucifer, who at least tried to tolerate you and your behaviour on your first year despite going against his rules and orders over and over again. Still deep in your thoughts and memories, you let your mouth respond without thinking of the consequences, "The way I made them like me was to be assertive and spend time doing the stuff they like. Maybe you could do that, too."

Soley's eyes widened. She lifted her head and looked at you with your eyes still focused on the road but your mind wandering freely. She was about to say something, but because you were deep in thought, she wondered if you would hear her, so she just shut her mouth and thought for herself.

'Be assertive and do stuff they like... hmm.. That's easier said than done, really, but if MC could do it... then maybe I could, too... I could even get closer to those brothers than MC already is if I do a better job than expected, right? It wouldn't hurt to try...'

Soley kept her eyes at you, examining your face as you smiled wholeheartedly at everything you thought would help her or suit her. She stared and stared, pondering her next move.

'Actually, it might hurt, considering how protective those seven are of MC, but if I stick to them and keep pretending to be their friend, then maybe I'd be safe.'

'It's just for one year, after all. I've had to put on a mask for thousands of people for much longer than that. This should be easy.'

Long days and weeks have passed since Soley arrived at the Devildom and began attending RAD as the newest exchange student from the Human Realm. You thought it was going great. In fact, you had high hopes for the programme, just like Diavolo did. You saw first-hand how Soley was doing with the crew from the House of Lamentation. She managed to break the ice with them, and they began inviting her to do their hobbies. There were just times when she'd be vulnerable against other demons, so the brothers are even more protective of her whenever they go out with her.

The weird thing was that... the brothers seemed to be spending less time with you.

"I'm sorry, MC, but Soley wanted to go to a casino with me. But don't ya worry, I'll bring ya back somethin' when I win big! Always trust me to give you the best presents you've ever gotten, alright?!"

"Sorry, MC. I can't play with you today. You see, Soley and I have been trying to beat our high score for the game you and I last played together. She seemed determined even when she's a worse player than you, but I like having to teach her everything about gaming! While she and I keep trying to beat the score, I'll find a new game for you and me to play together, so wait for that one, okay?"

"Oh, hey MC. Do you need me to go to the Royal Library with you? I really want to, but Soley and I have a reservation at that popular cat café that just opened yesterday. I managed to get two tickets for you and me, and when Soley found out about it, she insisted on going with me. I'll take you next time and I promise it'll be worth your while! If you find an interesting book at the library, would you mind telling me about it when I get home this afternoon?"

"MC, there you are! What are you doing here all alone? Well, anyway, what do you think of my new outfit?! It's great, isn't it?! Soley is an apprentice of her mother, who's a famous designer in the human world, so she picked out this outfit for me! I'm wearing this to the upcoming ball, and I'll be the star of the show! Don't worry, we'll pick your outfit for you too, and we'll make sure you're shining as much as me! I mean, you already do, but we've got to show it more! I'll be going now, okay? Byeee~"

"I'm sorry, MC. I wanted to buy you food too, but Soley's been missing human world food, so we ordered a lot of her favourites for tonight's dinner. Since it's food from the human realm, you're bound to like it too, right?"

"M... C...? Oh hey... No, no, it's fine. I don't mind you waking me up. Oh shoot, it's that time already..! I have to go now. Soley and I planned to go shopping for new pillows today. Thanks for waking me up, MC! I'll buy you a new pillow too, so look forward to it!"

They all said that they'd spend time with you after being with Soley for most of the day, but they never did. They broke their promises, but you couldn't bring yourself to be mad at them. They did bring you stuff from wherever they went with Soley.

Mammon brought you presents bought with the money he won after winning with Soley by his side. Something about that didn't sit right with you.

Leviathan found a new game that the two of you could play together, but since Soley was still insisting on beating your score, you had to play the new game by yourself; not that you wanted to, of course. You just decided to wait for the third-born until then.

Satan brought you sweets from the new cat café. Apparently, they were selling one of your favourite desserts, and Satan bought you that. Along with your favourite, there was also something else in the box. It was another dessert that Soley chose for you. A dessert that you weren't fond of. Maybe Satan forgot to tell her that you didn't like that one? That should be it, right?

Asmo returned from his shopping spree with Soley, dozens of bags full of clothes and accessories on both of their arms. When he saw you, he gave you the bags filled with his chosen outfits for you and told you to try them on and pick an outfit for the ball. After that, he left with Soley back to his bedroom to check what they all bought. Do you really want to wear an outfit they both chose for you? Of course you did. You were, in fact, delighted that they thought of you.

Beel bought ingredients to cook your favourite meal. Soley convinced him to let her help cook, and he did, but in the end, they failed, and you got food poisoning. You already knew from her first night that she didn't know how to cook. You cooked the dinner that night after all. She just helped decorate the dining table.

Belphie brought you a fluffy pillow. You recognised it as the one you've been eyeing whenever you go pillow shopping with him. You were touched that he noticed and remembered, except that he didn't, and Soley was the one who recommended that for you because it looked like something you'd want.

The only person left in the house who didn't spend much time with Soley was Lucifer. But it's not like you could spend time with him either since he's too busy keeping himself drowning in his paperwork. And whenever you did want to help him, you found Soley in his office, already helping him with the papers. It made sense for her since her father always had paperwork, and she'd always help him out when she was little. You noticed that the tension between them seemed to have dissipated.

You had nothing left to do in the house but wait. Wait for them to approach you. Wait for them to send you a message. Wait for them to ask you out. Wait for them to give you something they thought you'd like.

Wait for them to just... call your name.

「 LOUE'S LETTER | CHAPTER V 」

#obey me #obey me angst #obey me shall we date #obey me mc #obey me replaced mc au #obey me brothers #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #Forget-Me-Not

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rorywritesjunk · 3 months

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Multichapter Fics

Here's the Masterpost for my Multichapter Fics!

This will feature tags for Sunny, Cupcake, Birdie, The Wives, and any thing else that pops up that will be multple postings of the same characters.

This post is a work in progress as of 3/9/24!

Sunny & Buggy

“No longer locked upon the land but free on the rolling waves” (PG-13ish) (Complete) You and Buggy come face to face with himself from the past, and while you’re fully accepting that this is your husband as a child, Buggy doesn’t want to accept it.

Chapter 1 + Chapter 2 + Chapter 3 + Chapter 4 + Chapter 5 + Chapter 6/Epilogue

“I can’t tell where the journey will end But I know where to start” (Prequel to the Kid Buggy fic) PG-13ish (Complete) Buggy meets you by chance when he needs his buttons sewn back onto his jacket. He’s young, up and coming, and he thinks everyone should cower before him wherever he goes, but all you do is smile at him.

Chapter 1 + Chapter 2 + Chapter 3 + Chapter 4 + Chapter 5 + Chapter 6 + Chapter 7 + Chapter 8 + Chapter 9 + Chapter 10 + Chapter 11 + Chapter 12 + Chapter 13 + Chapter 14 + Chapter 15 + Chapter 16 + Chapter 17 + Chapter 18 + Epilogue

One-Shots

Sunny's birthday + Buggy's Birthday + Their first fight + She's not on the ship + Reunited +

Cupcake & Buggy

“Let’s be one another’s present tense” (R-ish) Buggy ‘rescues’ you from an abusive situation, and after a less than stellar introduction, he has you audition for his crew to keep you safe. You want safety, security, and joining a circus seems like the best idea.

Chapter 1 + Chapter 2 + Chapter 3 + Chapter 4 + Chapter 5 + Chapter 6 + Chapter 7 + Chapter 8 + Chapter 9 (NC-17) + Chapter 10 + Chapter 11 + Chapter 12 + Chapter 13

One-Shots

"Nobody can find us – they don’t know where to start" (PG) Playing hide and seek was always fun with his mama until he was separated from her.

Cupcake's Birthday + Buggy's Birthday + Geoduck + Thoughts on Kids

Birdie & Buggy

"The stars in their courses will run and bring their hearts earthward to hear her." (PG-13ish) Buggy brings his son in to the bakery to get a treat for his birthday. You like decorating cakes. Chapter 1 + Chapter 2 + Chapter 3 + Chapter 4 + Chapter 5 + Chapter 6 + Chapter 7

A Family Outing + Bath routine

Buggy & The Wives

"When I’m broken and bent, would you take me on the mend" (PG) The Strawhats didn’t know the clown was married. For as much as he could talk, he never mentioned them.

"And I can see it each and every time you smile" (PG) The Wives have a Girls’ Night once a month and Buggy finally gets invited.

"but even bound as we are, we can do all sorts of things" (PG) The Wives somehow end up on the Oro Jackson when Buggy’s just a kid. To them, it’s a delight to see their husband as a kid, but to Buggy, they’re kelpies ready to take him away.

Tattoos + Thoughts on them + Bath + Intimacy

Thistle & Marco

"Close my eyes for a while Force from the world a patient smile" (PG) Buggy says something he regrets to his older sister.

The thought of Marco and Thistle + Their first 'date' + Second 'date'

Buggy and Sunny, Thistle and Marco, the hours after the execution. Part 1: pt 1 + pt 2 + pt 3 + pt 4 + pt 5 + pt 6 + end Part 2: pt i + pt ii + pt iii + pt iv + pt v + pt vi + pt vii + pt viii + pt ix

“Oh, go to sleep, Little Skylark. Fly up past the stars” (PG-13ish) (Complete) After breaking your heart, Buggy is cursed to be a kid again. The last thing you want to do is be involved with this.

Chapter 1 + Chapter 2 + Chapter 3 + Chapter 4 + Chapter 5 + Chapter 6 + Chapter 7 + Chapter 8

"Be gentle with yourself as you uncover Your best kept secrets yet to be discovered" (PGish) (A Howl's Moving Castle AU)

Buggy meets an infamous pirate who dabbles in magic that everyone seems to be after, but they only have eyes for Buggy. Why is he so special?

Chapter 1 + Chapter 2 +Chapter 3 + Chapter 4

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pttucker · 4 months

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⸢And everyone lived happily ever after.⸥ I always hated that phrase. However, the current me dearly wished for that phrase to become true. [Constellation, 'Demon King of Salvation' has reached his ■■.] [You have become the 'Oldest Dream'.] The disappearing lights in the distance resembled the Constellations that still remembered me. And with that, my endless voyage got underway. [Your ■■ is 'Eternity'.]

I was this close to making a reaction post about the supposed "miracle" that happened and why the worldline wasn't collapsing despite Oldest Dream no longer dreaming.

I mean, I was certain it was because Dokja was maintaining the dream and maybe he himself hadn't realized it yet, what with him literally being Oldest Dream. Guess he had one final trick up his sleeve.

I will say that I'm super amused that my theory of him being an avatar and not knowing it was apparently 100% correct but in a manner I completely did not expect. If I have to pick, I wanna say that the moment he chose to break himself apart was right here:

That left only three people behind. "Kim Dokja." It was unknown who among Han Sooyoung and Yoo Joonghyuk called that name out first. The former asked with a questioning pair of eyes. "We are getting off together, right?" [Someone has activated 'Lie Detection Lv… '] That prompted Kim Dokja to smirk softly. "Of course. We should." ['Lie Detection' has confirmed 'Kim Dokja's' words as truth.] "Let's go."

Sneaky, sneaky, sneaky. Dokja scheming until the very last second. Sacrificing himself for his companions One. Last. Time.

Though not as much of a sacrifice as before; he'll still get to "read" about them just like he loves and technically he will also get to live with everybody in a big house just like he wanted. So while part of me is clenching my heart, it's overall a happy ending.

And I looooove that we've circled back to Dokja's ■■ and why it has both the meaning of Eternity and Final Chapter.

I'll admit that I'm still a little fuzzy on what exactly happened with Secretive Plotter, the 999ths and Oldest Dream. I guess they reached the epilogue of their stories and this is the epilogue of Dokja's story? So now they're off in an entirely different worldline once again?

And it seems we have 34 chapters of epilogues to go through now! As well as ongoing side stories! The latter of which I still need to figure out if anyone is currently translating into English.

I'll admit when I heard that ORV had ongoing side stories I wasn't certain what exactly they'd be about but it appears we've still got a lot to wrap up even after the happy ending and you can't tell me that at least in one future side story (or maybe one of these epilogues) Dokja doesn't meet himself again or at least realize that he's missing half his memories.

...Or perhaps his companions will realize something fishy is going on, what with living right beside him and Dokja not remembering a whole 50% of his life. Hmmm.

A tale of this new world continued to flow on. But then, just as the subway's doors closed, Han Sooyoung looked behind her with a slightly unsure, hard-to-read face of someone that left something behind. Even Yoo Joonghyuk looked back, too. The only person who didn't was Kim Dokja. Han Sooyoung and Yoo Joonghyuk's gazes ran into each other, and they began growling at the same time. "What you looking at?!" "I should ask you that, you basta…"

Well, if nothing else, I do dearly wish to see more of these three idiots together. I love that both of them refused to get off the train until they were certain Dokja was coming with them and they both seemed to sense that they'd just lost something.

And I do wonder how exactly the world is going to go on after all of this mess and if they really will try to take Joonghyuk's sword from him. (Not a good idea.)

I mean, they seem to still have all of their abilities and stats? I think? So they're just supposed to live in normal, modern day Korea as if nothing happened while having superpowers??? And I assume most of the world's population is gone unless that was miraculously rewritten.

Or...???

Guess I'll find out.

#orv #orv liveblog #orv novel chapter 416 #omniscient reader's viewpoint #orv spoilers #kdj #hsy #yjh #oldest dream

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midnighttrain-project · 9 months

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Hello everyone!

First off, I would like to thank all of you for your continued support! I usually publish short updates on my personal Twitter (or should I say X now?), but I thought it would also be fun to make long posts sharing my experiences and thoughts about the development of the game.

So, I decided to start a new series of articles talking about random things about the development of the game, like some kind of journal! I don’t use Tumblr lately, since I reach more people with Twitter, but Tumblr is perfect for long posts like this!

I hope you will enjoy this content!

🌙🚂 Let’s start with a recap! 🚂🌙

I’m currently working on a remake of my second game, Midnight Train. The remake is titled Midnight Train: New Moon, and is being developed using RPG Maker MV.

Originally, I only intended to add new content to the original game, like new endings and an epilogue, but I ended up changing the engine and remaking everything from scratch. Thanks to all the feedback I received from the original release, I'm currently working hard to make the game more enjoyable for everyone!

Since it's a remake, it has a lot of new features that weren't present in the original: new graphics, alternate endings, improved gameplay, partial voice acting, many new cutscenes and events… and much more! But let’s talk about the new features in more detail in another post~

🌙🚂 Progress 🚂🌙

Since this is the first blog in this series, I think I should talk about one of the things most people are curious about! “How’s the progress of the remake”?

Before answering that question, I'll explain how I divide the work. Basically, I focus on each chapter in linear order. These would be the main steps:

◆First step: Working on the artwork ◆Second step: Mapping in Photoshop ◆Third step: Eventing all the maps in RPG Maker and testing ◆Final step: English translation

After I finish all these steps, I start working on the next chapter, using the same steps!

Creating the maps is the most time consuming step because I also design and plan new mechanics, puzzles and new cutscenes, so it takes me a lot of time to finish them. Thankfully, once the maps are finished, I'm quite fast with the eventing, since everything is already planned!

Well…! Let’s answer the question now! “How’s the progress of the remake”?

I’m currently working on the maps of Chapter 2, which means Chapter 1 is fully completed, including the english translation! I’m almost finished with the maps of Chapter 2, so I hope I can start eventing soon ~

🌙🚂 Expected release 🚂🌙

This is one of the questions I usually receive, so I also wanted to talk about it: “When will the game be released?”

The answer is… I don’t know!

I’m working really hard, but it’s impossible to predict when I will finish all the work. For now, I can only offer updates about the development!

Which leads to another question: “Why is it taking so long to develop the remake? Shouldn’t it be faster than developing the original game?”

Honestly, that's what I also thought! But the reality is that the remake is taking twice the amount of effort that required the original. Or even more. Why does it require more effort? I think it will be easier to understand with this picture:

This is the comparison between two maps. Even though they look quite different, it’s actually meant to be the same map in-game. This map is basically a hallway that connects two maps, the purpose has not changed, but the map itself is different.

In the remake, I’m trying to create maps that are more interesting to explore, while trying to retain the charm and purpose of the original. This means I also added new events for the new environments, including new puzzles! There are a lot of new things to discover, and you can also learn new things about the characters.

However, the main inconvenience is that I can’t reuse anything from the old version. I must create everything from scratch, including:

◆Creating new dialogues when you interact with the new elements. ◆Adding new visual effects. ◆Creating new events that match the aesthetic of each map. ◆Adding new sound effects (voice acting and terrain sounds) ◆Adjusting old cutscenes to the new environment. ◆Creating new puzzles, depending on the map. ◆And more! The list is long!

So, in the end, working on this remake is like working on a new game. A more detailed, polished and professional new game.

🌙🚂 About the developer 🚂🌙

I usually don’t post much about myself, since I’m quite shy! But I also wanted to talk about myself a bit more~

As you may already know, I’m Lydia, the creator of Aria’s Story and Midnight Train! I’m often told by my friends that it’s weird to use your real name on the internet, but I like using my name haha

I also use the name LydiaBluebell on social media. Why Bluebell? Because it’s a flower that means humility, constancy, gratitude and everlasting love, which I think summarizes perfectly my journey with game development 💙 Thanks to everyone that supports me, you have my gratitude and everlasting love!

🌙🚂 Final thoughts 🚂🌙

Oh…! I think I already wrote too much in this post! If you’re still reading this, thank you! I hope it wasn’t too boring…! Next time, I’d like to talk about more specific things!

If you’re curious about anything in particular about my creative process, don’t hesitate to ask a question and I’ll try to cover it in the next post!

See you all next time!

#midnight train game #midnight train new moon #development blog

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darsynia · 1 year

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Just Right | Ch 8 (complete)

(Steve Rogers x F!Reader, post-Ultron Multichapter)

Summary:

You’ve been in love with Steve Rogers for at least a year, but he treats you the same way he treats every other member of the team– with respect, but nothing more. It takes an inter-dimensional mistake and a whole second, more assertive, actually interested Steve for you to realize that you don’t want just any version of Steve Rogers– you want the one you’ve been pining for all this time.

Length: 4,546 (with epilogue)

FIC MASTERLIST | PREVIOUS CHAPTER

Tags: @ronearoundblindly @munstysmind @tiny-anne @themaradaniels @starryeyes2000 @chickensarentcheap @isasalom @whiskeytangofoxtrot555 @deepbatched @qvnthesia @ekoannie-chan

Excerpt:

“You look great,” he says, holding out a hand. You blink at him for a second, speechless at how good he looks in his crisp blue button-down and ironed khakis. You have a sneaking suspicion he shined his shoes, and there are wet comb marks in his freshly-washed hair. “‘Dine?” he prompts.

“I wasn’t saying all of those complimentary things I’m thinking out loud, was I?” you tease. Steve shakes his head, amused, and you add, “You look handsome as heck, we’ll go with that.”

His sheepish smile is appreciative, but he nods down at his hand.

“Shoot, sorry--” you say, clapping your hand down on his. You’re expecting him to maybe guide you to the car, but after a second of surprise, Steve shifts his grip and bends down to kiss the back of your hand. “Oh god, I flubbed that,” you breathe, embarrassed.

Chapter Eight

“He finally asked you. Finally! And he spent more time on the periodic table gimmick than giving you a time and place?”

“Good morning, Nat.” You’re kind of proud of your cool, not at all extremely-excited-by-her-implications tone.

“And you!” Natasha gets up from your desk with the kind of feline grace you’ll never manage. “He says you’ve liked him for a while. Even getting that out of him was like pulling teeth.”

“It’s worse,” you smile. “I told him I love him.”

Nat just looks at you. “Okay, I was going to let you pick which out of the two of you needs the most slapping around, but it’s definitely him.” She shifts her tone to one that’s more cheerful. “Do you want me to suggest something fancy to Steve?”

You shake your head.

“Good.” Natasha starts for the door, stops, and turns around. “Sam and I are going to plan a send-off for Rogers. Tony’s idea. You two are invited, but…”

“It’s not about us. I get it,” you tell her, pleased. Steve had clearly talked to Tony, and for once, Tony had subsumed his ego enough to do the exact right thing. You’ve earned yourself a nod, and with that, Natasha’s out of the room. You do your best to get on with your job for the rest of the day, but there’s a constant hum of excitement about your date that permeates everything.

You’d gotten a brief message from Steve (Will you do me the honor of meeting me out front at 6:30 this evening? Natasha says to tell you ‘business casual, no suit.’ ~Steve), so you put on something elegant and flowy. It’s a lovely evening with a slight breeze, and you step outside at 6:28. As soon as you do, you hear a car start up in the parking lot. It pulls up three feet away, and Steve gets out and comes over.

“I wasn’t saying all of those complimentary things I’m thinking out loud, was I?” you tease. Steve shakes his head, amused, and you add, “You look handsome as heck, we’ll go with that.”

His sheepish smile is appreciative, but he nods down at his hand.

“Not at all,” he promises, letting go to jog to the car to open the door. “You didn’t expect me to do that, which made it more special.”

“In that spirit--” You arch up to kiss his cheek before you get in the car.

Once both of you are buckled in and he starts driving, Steve glances over at you briefly. “I hope you don’t mind, it’ll be a bit of a drive. When we go to the little town nearby, the staff get stressed out. Sometimes a patron will post on social media, and they get a bunch of customers who post bad reviews if we’re gone already, that kind of thing.”

“Oh wow, I didn’t know that.”

“Yeah, we like to do the takeout thing, so they don’t miss out on our business.” He shoots a look over. “Natasha says you should go out more.”

“You don’t go out either,” you point out. “I think I’ve only seen you dressed up for interviews or one of Tony’s fancy parties.”

“That’s part of the fun though, isn’t it? The longer you’re with someone, the longer you know them, the more you fill in all the different outfits.”

You love that viewpoint, but there’s a little bit of traffic as he shifts to an interstate, so you make an ‘attentive listening noise’ and let yourself just watch Steve as he handles the car. There’s a small splotch of red on his cheeks. You’d like to think it’s because he said ‘with someone’ before actually defining whether the two of you are 'with' each other.

The restaurant is perfect, a little Italian place with delicious food and high separators between the tables, so your candle-lit table feels private and cozy. You and Steve talk mostly about the movies he’s been watching, but when he sees you stiffen a little after he brings up a love declaration in one of them, his expression sobers.

“I wanted to tell you-- I know you said you were doing everything backwards, and I don’t want you to think that I’m ignoring what you said. It means the world to me,” Steve says, looking you straight in the eyes. There’s something powerful about how he says ‘means’ instead of ‘meant,’ like to him your words are active, vital. He isn’t leaving them in the past. “The thing is, I don’t think I--”

He breaks off and takes a big drink of his water glass, and you hold yourself as steady as possible without trying to look impatient in your anticipation. You remind yourself of the expression he’d worn on his face while carrying you back to your quarters. That adoring look happened before you’d said anything, and it was real. It was this Steve.

“How do you tell a woman that you love her before you even have a first date? I wanted to. I feel it, but I have to do this right.”

It’s like the truth of his heart is brushing past you in a crowded Regency ballroom, close but just separate enough for decency’s sake. You don’t think Steve Rogers has watched many period dramas, so explaining that would probably fall flat. You decide to go with something else.

“Well, this is just like the clothes thing, right? We fill in those feelings, those first times, as we go.”

His relief is endearing. “Yes. Yes.” Steve reaches out his hand and takes yours, squeezing it a little too tightly, which is just perfect, in your opinion.

On the drive back, you remember the thing you’d wanted to bring up at dinner. It’s dark out, and maybe that’s better than bringing up Gold Steve where he can see your expression across the table and make assumptions.

“I’ve been meaning to ask you if you could do me a favor? About Rogers.”

“What do you need?”

“I want to save his life, Steve. I want to have a hand in making that possible-- but I was thinking about what it might feel like for him if he figures out that armor is altered before the fall.” You’re getting emotional, but you tell yourself it’s a mission, that it’s too important to get sidetracked. With a harsh swallow against your suddenly sore throat, you go on. “If it doesn’t work, his last moments with a version of me will be deceptive. I can’t do that to him.”

You’re so caught up in trying to fight back the images of Gold Steve realizing you’d lied to him that you don’t realize that the car is stopped until Steve turns his whole upper body toward you, something he wouldn’t do while driving.

“Hey, c’mere,” Steve says, leaning over, wrapping you in his warm, sturdy arms for a hug. “I’ll do what you’re asking because it’s important to you, but I’d like to think I’d understand and forgive you, if it were me.”

You’re in tears, and they’re going to soak into his shirt. “It is you, Steve! He’s another you. I’m sending a you to maybe die, and I hate it, I hate it! I can’t even give him hope in case he decides not to wear the armor and for sure dies-- and I’m crying on you again! Do not let me mess up your shirt, Steve Rogers!”

“You’re really making it hard for me not to say it, sweetheart,” Steve says, pulling back to steal a kiss. You can tell that he’d meant it to be brief, but as soon as your lips touch, your hands grasp his shirt in delight, keeping him in place. Steve likes that, enough to deepen the kiss for a few seconds before he makes a little growling sound and drags himself away.

He shakes his hands out over the dash like he’s shedding excess energy (which you get, you really get, because you'll be energized until the end of time on ‘sweetheart’ alone), sets them on the steering wheel, and puts the car back into gear. As Steve pulls out of the empty parking lot he’d stopped in, he says, “You’re saying you don’t want to run point, yes? That knowing some of the plan is bad enough?”

“Yes, exactly. It’s just enough plausible deniability if I don’t know what exactly Tony changes-- Oh, but I shouldn’t even know abou--”

“‘Dine, you’re worrying too much,” Steve interrupts. “All we can do is our best. You’re doing your best, and it’s in service of saving his life. If he loves you, and I think he does, he’ll appreciate that.”

You sniffle defensively. “I’m counting that, you know.”

The light turns green, but Steve looks over at you and doesn’t start driving until you meet his eyes. “Good.”

He suggests you look in the glove compartment for tissues, and you find some. As you clean yourself up, Steve puts on some jazz, and you fall into a companionable silence for the rest of the drive. It wouldn’t help to bring it up, but you think Steve’s glad he’s found a way around his own prohibition on saying he loves you.

In a way, it’s kind of a lesson about your dilemma about Gold Steve, too. The more you think about it, the more proud you are-- Captain America is an icon, standing for truth, moral certitude, and strength, but he’s smart, too. That gets overlooked by the public at large, and you’re glad you’re privileged enough to know it.

It’s three more days before Tony’s finished with his dual project, which you find out about because he petulantly stomps in to grab breakfast on the morning of the third day, Pepper at his heels.

“I’m not allowed to celebrate being a complete overlooked genius because my stomach growls too loudly,” he grumbles, slamming down a gallon of milk beside a bowl and spoon. “I’m having Captain Crunch PEANUT BUTTER. See if you like how that tastes in bed later.”

“You’re more than welcome to celebrate alone,” Pepper says mildly.

You’re finished with your food, so you get up and excuse yourself as quickly as possible, catching Steve’s eye as you slip through the door. He nods; you’re on the same wavelength.

According to FRIDAY, Gold Steve is in the Bumble, and he has been for eighteen hours. You know there’s a bathroom in there, and a fridge with energy-replenishing foods, but you can’t help but think he’s hiding from you in particular.

With that in mind, you’re actually surprised when the door opens to let you in-- but then you remember FRIDAY’s ‘interpersonal protocol.’ You slip off your shoes to cover the sound of your footfalls, and on a hunch, you go looking for the side room with the punching bags. Sure enough, Gold Steve is sitting up against the wall reading a book, his legs stretched out in front of him on a bedroll.

Impulsively, you dash into the room, positioning yourself so you’re standing over his legs. Gold Steve is startled, and it’s awkward and uncomfortable, but he can’t get up without pushing you out of the way. That means he’s going to have to listen to you.

“‘Dine,” he starts, but you interrupt him.

“Why the hell are you hiding in here? What are you living on, protein bars? It’s been days!”

“Please don’t take this the wrong way, but I don’t think I’ve gotten to spend this much time to myself since the serum. It’s been a gift.”

“You shouldn’t have to contemplate your death during that time,” you shoot back, but your anger has lost its bite.

“I don’t know. It would be a shame to waste that privilege. Not many people have that,” he says-- and you can see it. Gold Steve has gone through the stages of grief, all of them, and you’re stuck on anger.

Instead of just collapsing onto your knees and screaming, you cast your mind around for something, anything to explain to him that his loss means something. You come up with something, but it’ll probably hurt him, which is the last thing you want to do.

The anger takes over anyway.

“Maybe I could go to your universe?” you say, the words tumbling out in a rush. “Your Tony could send me back early, so one of me can go with you. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if you didn’t have to do it alone? You don’t deserve to do it alone!”

Gold Steve scrambles to his feet, frantic horror in his eyes.

“Promise me. Promise me you will not do that.” He looks down at both of his hands, as if lamenting that he only has his strength to fight with. “Dine-- if I let you do that, I wouldn’t deserve to love you.”

It’s so close to the words your Steve said to you that you feel all the fury drain away, and with it, your ability to stand. You end up in a heap on his bedroll, and Steve kneels beside you, hands held near but apart. It’s not his place to comfort you, and both of you know it.

It’s only his place to hurt you, no matter how much he wishes differently.

“There’s a thing for you tonight.”

“I know.”

“I can stay away. I can--”

“Please don’t.”

You reach out and squeeze his hand, crossing the boundary the two of you have set. He doesn’t turn his hand to take yours, but his thumb swipes a brief caress before he holds still.

“I don’t want you to remember me like this,” you whimper, swiping at your face with your other sleeve. “I think you’re the best man to ever live. You need to know that.” Your one comfort is that if your plan succeeds, his Brigandine will absolutely know that. God, you hope it works. “That’s why I’m not trying to make you stay. I couldn’t do that to you. But please, Steve. Please understand that if there was any way this situation could be different--”

Gold Steve’s voice is gentle, kind, and sad, but he doesn’t pull away, and neither do you. “I understand.”

You dress to stun for the party, but you’re planning to show up late, drink a toast to Gold Steve, give him a kiss on the cheek, and get the hell out of there. He deserves a last glimpse of you glowing, happy, smiling, and twenty minutes is just about all you have in you.

Right when you arrive, you see that Gold Steve is standing in front of a table covered in small gifts and one of those ridiculous backpacks they make for school kids, the kind that is basically just one big sequin-covered Captain America shield with shoulder straps.

As you walk over, Tony gives Gold Steve a wrapped gift. “This is my last attempt to bribe you into telling me more about this calamity you’re trying to fix,” he jokes.

“What would your father say about you trying to change history, Tony?” Gold Steve teases as he opens the package.

You can’t hear what the response is, because inside the wrapping is the alcohol Tony had planned to buy with the $50 from the name bet you lost.

You have to walk over to the window to collect yourself, or you’re going to be all runny mascara and smudged lipstick, and Gold Steve deserves better than that as a ‘last look.’ It’s already been agreed that he’ll leave first thing in the morning, with only Steve, Sam, and Tony in attendance. You’ve just about mastered your emotions when you hear Tony calling out your name.

“I wrapped up your thing, come hand it over!”

You paste on as genuine a smile as you can and turn around. Tony’s halfway to you, and he’s holding out a package, mouthing the word ‘armor.’ You want to yell at him-- it wasn’t supposed to be you that gives it to Gold Steve, but Tony has neatly maneuvered you into getting the credit. Any reticence on your part is going to give away the game.

“Tony’s the one who fixed it,” you say reluctantly, when you get over to the table. Gold Steve’s appreciative reaction to your outfit is good for your ego, at least.

“I don’t think this is going to fit with everything else in here,” he jokes, holding the package up against the backpack.

“You’re supposed to wear it,” Steve says, coming over to stand behind you. He’s just a little closer than maybe he ought to be, and it’s exactly right-- both a claim and a pillar of support.

“Oh!” Gold Steve holds the armor up when he gets the package open, and that’s when you realize that Tony and Steve had set you up, in a way only two people who genuinely care about you could manage.

The armor looks completely unaltered. You won’t spend months tossing and turning in your sleep worrying about Gold Steve learning about your deception, agonizing over him figuring out your Hail Mary pass.

“You didn’t have to do this,” he says to you, holding the mass of engineering and fabric up to his chest.

“Yes I did,” you tell him.

You don’t sleep that night. You also don’t go anywhere; you and Steve had persuaded Gold Steve to sleep in his quarters instead of on the bedroll, and your concession to that is to stay in your room.

There’s a small part of you that wonders if Gold Steve couldn’t bear to picture you and Steve having any kind of romantic moment on his last night on a planet that has a ‘you’ on it. That’s… fair, honestly.

You skip breakfast so you can get to your desk early, and your one concession to what’s happening in Tony’s lab right now is to ask FRIDAY to hide all of the clocks, even the ones on your computer. The last time Steve and Gold Steve were out on a mission, you’d been deep in Howard Stark’s notes, so you open up the main file, scanning through to see if there’s something you haven’t read yet. There isn’t, of course, but it doesn’t hurt to--

Your breath catches.

There’s a new file, but you’re so surprised to see it that you scroll past, and then when you move back up, you aren’t sure where to look. You’re sure you saw it, though, because the date notation had been so different from the others in there that…

“FRIDAY, can you sort these by date?”

As soon as the files shuffle up, you scroll all the way down, and there it is. The ‘last edited’ date on the file is from the night before.

With your heart in your throat and suspicion replacing some of your blood volume, you open the file. It’s written like a diary entry, talking about a time when Howard ran into a strange scientist at the research installation installed in Camp Lehigh. The narrative is unexpectedly exciting; two strange men had been seen, and Stark speaks about some missing materials at Dr. Pym’s lab that seemed to miraculously reappear later in the day.

It’s ‘miraculously reappear’ that has you scrolling to the bottom of the entry to see an additional note.

It’s signed by ‘Gold Steve.’

You shiver, staring at the words, at the apology right before his signature.

I would never be able to forgive myself, nor could I die with a clear conscience, if I didn’t tell you how to prevent the same disaster from happening here.

“FRIDAY what time is it?” you gasp out.

“It is 8:15 AM.”

You throw yourself out of your chair and sprint to the door. Never in your life have you ever run this fast, and FRIDAY is right there with you, opening the elevator doors so you don’t even have to slow down.

The doors open into Stark’s lab, and you skid out, causing the ring of men facing a glowing blue column to turn toward you in surprise. Behind them is the fading image of Gold Steve, and all you can do is mouth the words ‘thank you’ and blow him a kiss as he dematerializes.

“Okay, not to fuck up a phenomenal last-minute goodbye, but if you were hoping to hop in there with him, I’m going to have to design some sort of detention anklet for you,” Tony says sternly.

“He told us how to avoid it! The thing that killed everyone. He left it in your father’s diary. In the notes,” you say between desperate gulps of air. Steve’s already there, pulling you close, stroking your back, kissing your hair. You know exactly what he’s doing, because you’ve felt a Steve Rogers kiss you like that before. The thought makes you cling to him more tightly.

“Son of a bitch,” Tony says admiringly. “That’s what he meant, last night!”

“Hey now!” Steve objects loudly, as Sam doubles over in laughter.

The End

Epilogue

It’s probably the hottest day of the summer, but for once, it’s not storming. You secretly wonder if Tony’s got some kind of weather-altering machine that he’s employed to make this party of his a success. You’re wearing a black polka-dot vintage swimsuit under your electric blue sundress, and you’re very much hoping your loving boyfriend Steve Rogers will appreciate the embroidered Captain America shields you had sewn onto your shoulder straps. You’d be standing with him, but he’s over near the grill in the sun, and you love him, but maybe not that much.

The drinks are already flowing under the tent Tony’s had erected poolside, but as you grab an ice cube to press to your pulse points, you see a new car drive up and park in the private lot Tony has rented for the occasion. As far as you know, everyone’s already here, so--

As soon as the sole occupant starts walking toward your pavilion with a puppy on a leash, Tony’s already tipsy and in rare form. “Carl, please don’t tell me that is your new baby! I think I would have remembered if your wife was a dog.”

There’s a murmur of shocked, amused voices, but when Carl walks up, he’s grinning. “New baby is at home and doing just fine. I’m just a delivery boy today.” He leans down and picks up the puppy, who you now see is wearing an adorable miniature backpack that looks a lot like the one Sam and Nat had bought for Gold Steve’s keepsakes. “This little guy appeared in our house a day ago.”

You rush over right as Carl calls out your name. “I think this is for you?” he says, and pushes the puppy into your arms. It immediately starts squirming and licking your face, so much so that you can’t get ahold of the backpack.

“There’s a note pinned--” someone says, but Steve’s already there. He gently tugs the backpack off and holds it up to show you.

For ‘Stine’

“Is that a ‘ship’ name? Pepper, come look!” Tony crows. In a quieter voice, he says, “She’ll never forgive me for letting slip the word ‘Pepperony’ in an interview. I was, of course, so hurt that she had to make it up to me. Repeatedly. Pepper?”

Tony runs off to find his girlfriend, and you and Steve look at each other, deeply shaken.

“You read that, and I’ll take the puppy, okay?” Natasha says, not waiting for a response as she scoops the dog from your nerveless fingers.

Inside the backpack is a folded note, and the two of you crowd together to read it.

Dear Steve and Dine,

Obviously I can’t tell you everything that happened, but I couldn’t let you wonder, not after I realized what you’d done.

First of all: You saved my life. Thank you. I imagine it was hard to keep the armor’s secret from me, but I have an idea of why you did it, and I don’t think I would have done anything differently, if I’d been in your position.

Second of all: I suspect that Dine won’t be able to rest until she knows what happened, so I’ll tell you this much: Steve and I both went to the planet. We decided that the most fair thing to do would be to fight each other. We figured one of us would end up falling and the other would go home, but that’s not what happened. We both fell. I woke up with the stone.

Steve, I understand now that I was asking you to bear this terrible weight of survival, when I told you what I was planning. I only hope that you can come up with a way to prevent this before it happens, so you don’t have to feel like this. My only consolation is that I had every intention of dying, if need be, and I will use the life I’ve been given to make the world a better place for everyone we’ve brought back.

I can’t tell you much else, because everything’s just happened, and I have some wooing to do, thanks to you two and Tony.

Love,

‘Gold’ Steve

Ps. ‘my’ Tony would like you to know that I rejected his, and I quote, ‘perfectly good nickname: ‘Brigandogers’’ or ‘Dodger’ for short.

Sounds like a great name for a dog, no?

“It worked,” Steve breathes. You nod, feeling numb. “Dine?”

“I didn’t-- I could have sent two armors. We could have waited and made--”

“Hey, no. Stop that. You can only do what you can do. You couldn’t have known.” He cups your face with his hands and forces you to look at him. “He’s trusting you, and so am I. He didn’t have to tell us. It’s the truth, sweetheart. The unvarnished truth. Sometimes the truth hurts.”

You rest both hands on his wrists and nod, fighting back your tears. “I love you. That’s the truth.”

“I love you too,” Steve says. You’ve lost count of how many times he's said it by now, but that’s the point. You two have moved on to filling in other things, other firsts, and thanks to Gold Steve, you have more time to do that. Thanks to Gold Steve, one of your ‘firsts’ might be defeating the villain that brought him to your universe in the first place.

“Tony says this puppy came from another universe?” Sam says, coming over with the enthusiastic little dog in his arms. “You gonna call it Goldie?”

“Dodger,” Steve says confidently beside you.

#avengersbingo #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x f!reader #steve rogers fanfiction #steve rogers fic #captain america x f!reader #captain america x reader #captain america #steve rogers #mcu #mcu fanfiction #marvel #steve rogers imagine #steve rogers x you #captain america x you #romance #pining

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rehfan · 11 months

Text

The Hat Shop Girl -- Epilogue

Word count: 14,250 (buckle up, buttercups)

Inexperienced!Ralph Penbury X Fem!Reader/AFAB!Reader

Summary: You were working as a clerk in a hat shop when Ralph Penbury walked into your life. Nothing was ever the same.

Tags: meet-cute, eventual smut, slow build, angst with a happy ending, class differences, fantasizing, implied/referenced drug use, non-consensual touching, sexual inexperience, first kiss, kissing, first French kiss, neck kissing, sexual education, angst, emotional hurt, handjob, vaginal fingering, nipple play, vaginal sex, PIV sex, first time, blow job, cream pie, fluff and smut, anal play, rimming, cunnilingus, 69 (sex position), anal fingering, breeding kink

Warnings: 18+ and over only please. Eventual smutty smut - NOT for children! Non-consensual touching, implied/referenced drug use.

PLEASE DO NOT POST MY WORK TO ANY OTHER SITE. MY WORK IS MINE. PLEASE AND THANK YOU.

If you want to read this and my other stuff, find this work on AO3

MASTERLIST POST

*************

Chapter 11 -- Epilogue

You honestly didn’t imagine getting this far in your life. You had no way of predicting it. Everything you could ask for was instantly laid at your feet with two simple words: I do. And suddenly, there it all was: financial security, freedom to run a business you loved, and a man that loved you with every fiber of his being.

Ralph’s love for you was all-encompassing. And he said it best when he told you after the small ceremony in the library: “You have made me a better person. You truly have. I wasn’t very brave before you came along because I had no one to be brave for. I really didn’t consider myself much of anything. You proved me all wrong. And I couldn’t be more grateful. Thank you, my lovely girl. Thank you ever-so much.”

He had kissed your hand. The one with the two new rings on it. The ones that he somehow had sized to perfection. The stones glittered next to his lips as he pressed them to your knuckles, soulful eyes smiling at you.

You had been a bit breathless. It had all happened so fast. The business, the wedding, it had been unreal. Even the faint trace of music from the party had seemed dreamlike. Just like the traces of dream that were slowly winding their way out of your mind as you woke the morning of your second wedding.

You were just opening your eyes. The first morning of the rest of your life. It had been six months since the library wedding and here it was the day of the big splash that Ralph and your mother had planned. You were included in the planning too, of course, but your inclusion was mainly about approving or disapproving those things and ideas that your mother and Ralph presented to you. The only thing you wanted for yourself was the dress.

Your mother was more than heartbroken when you told her that you only wanted your father there. Until then, he hadn’t been included very much at all and you wanted him included in this. Once you explained that to your mother, she relented, but only just a fraction.

It was the final fitting. There was nothing for your father to do but escort you, really, and you told him as much, but you also valued his opinion. You wanted a gown that was simple yet refined. You wanted to be tasteful yet you wanted to appear as deadly attractive to your new husband as you could manage in a gargantuan cathedral amongst all your family, friends, and the landed gentry Ralph was associated with and related to.

When you nervously came out from behind the fitting room doors and into the open, you stood on the fitting platform as they made sure the hem was straight. You didn’t want to look your father in the eye at first. You didn’t know why. He was your father. He taught you how to drive a car at fourteen. Fixed up your skinned knee when you climbed too far up the tree and fell. He was the one who heard you swear for the first time and the one who scolded you, told you it was the sign of a lazy mind, and then said he would not be telling your mother if you promised not to do it again. He was your protector, your guide, your teacher. You had known him your entire life long. Why were you so nervous then?

Slowly, you raised your eyes. There in the reflection of the three full-length mirrors you could see your father on a settee behind you, cup and saucer in mid-sip paused as his eyes welled up with tears and a smile spread slowly across his usually placid face. You smiled back. You nodded at him as if to say, do you like it?

He nodded back, bottom lip trembling.

You wiped a tear away from your own eye at the memory and looked over at the gigantic armoire that you had hid in with Ralph all those months ago. The dress hung on a hook of the open door, a shimmering reminder of the humongous day that was about to happen.

A soft knock announced Martha’s arrival. “Are you awake, my lady?”

“Yes, Martha, please come in.”

She brought a tray and you sat up. Soon you were ensconced with breakfast in bed and the morning paper. The scent of hot coffee mixed with the smell of poached eggs and toast and your stomach growled.

As soon as you were comfortable, Martha set to running your bath. It was the last you would have in this room while living alone here. Ralph insisted that even though you were married, you shouldn’t share a house permanently until after the big to-do. You thought it silly and quaint, but went along. Especially once you realized that it meant that you could have sex in his home or yours whenever you pleased. After all, you had to run the shop and he had a wedding to plan. So it suited for the time being.

Your first night together after the small library ceremony (forever dubbed the pre-nup nuptials) had been wonderful and in so many ways. A true emotional connection had been forged that night but the real beginning of it all, the real first steps to forging that bond, happened even before your wedding bed was warm.

The solicitors had bid Lord Penbury good luck and congratulations with a small salute and a gentle request to kiss the bride for luck. Each man had placed a gentle peck to your cheek and you had thanked them for all their hard work. Martha was next with a curtsy to you both. “I’ll see to it that your rooms are prepared if you’re ready to retire, m’lord” she had said.

“With the party still in full swing? Oh heavens no! Let’s dance, my love. I want to dance with my bride,” said Ralph.

“I would love that too,” you had replied, feeling suddenly in the need for champagne and joy.

“Then I shall go check on arrangements for when you are ready,” said Martha, adding another curtsy and a “Good evening, M’Lord and Lady Penbury.”

The shock of it hit you so hard you didn’t remember her leaving. You had heard the door in the servant’s passage close, but it had joined in the beating of your heart which had somehow become the only sound you could hear.

“Darling? Are you quite alright?” Ralph had asked, worry painting his features.

“I- I’m… I’m a Lady,” you had said. It was almost a question, but not quite.

“Well, yes, of course you’re a lady and I’m a man and-“

“No! I mean… I’m Lady Penbury now,” you had said, “An actual titled lady.”

Ralph had laughed with a glee you hoped time would never fade. “Silly girl! Oh my girl! My sweet wonderful darling wife.” Here he had kissed your forehead and nose. “You absolute corker of a girl! Let’s go dancing!”

“Wizard.”

The ballroom was packed as always and a shout went up once Ralph was spotted. He had raised his hand and the band stopped mid-turkey trot. He leapt up on the nearest table and shouted: “My assorted Lords, Ladies, and Gentlemen, I am proud to present to you, my beautiful, gorgeous, intelligent, scintillating wife: Lady Penbury!” He leaned over and offered you a hand to hop up first on a chair, then to the table itself.

The room exploded with cheering.

Seconds later, a blood-curdling scream pierced the din.

Victoria had gone pale with shock, then purple with rage. “You did what? She’s what? What is the meaning of this? Get the lawyers back! Get them back! This can’t be legal! This has to be a trick! It’s a lie! It’s all a lie!”

She had slowly made her way from the middle of the room toward your table. You had wrapped your arms around Ralph’s torso and watched him for his reaction, but he just calmly smiled at his sister’s apoplexy. He had truly looked triumphant.

“I’m afraid that you’ll have to move over, sister. There’s a new Lady Penbury in town.” He looked at you with such happiness, you thought your joyful and relieved tears would fill the ballroom.

“If I may be so bold, m’lord,” a voice came from the door. Everyone turned to see the two solicitors and the reverend. “We were just taking our leave, but you seemed to be absolutely correct about your prediction regarding your sister’s doubts.

“Lady Victoria Penbury, if I may explain: we would like to make it known to you that theirs was a fully legal union, with a signed certificate of marriage, and witnessed by three persons. Two of which were myself and my colleague. And furthermore, the ceremony was performed by a legitimate man of the cloth, the reverend here.” The reverend raised his hat to the crowd and smiled.

“I’m afraid, Lady Victoria,” said the other solicitor, “your brother is legally bound to the lass and no man - nor your Ladyship - can put it asunder. Congratulations again, my Lord and Lady. Many happy days ahead.” And with another wave, they were gone.

A cry went up from the crowd. Lady Victoria Penbury had fainted.

The effort to revive her was minimal. Ralph had asked for her to be taken to her rooms. After she was gone, the party was revived and you danced with your husband until the wee hours of that morning. You knew there were plenty of people there judging you on Victoria’s behalf. You could feel their stares. But all distressing things disappeared in Ralph’s beautiful brown eyes.

You couldn’t wait to see his eyes again later today at the cathedral. Martha came back to say your bath was ready. “The eggs were delicious. Thank the cook for me, would you, Martha?”

“Of course, my lady,” she answered as the tray was whisked away and she supplied you with your robe. You made your way to the bath.

You sat back in the water, the heat of it pinking your skin, steam rising everywhere. You felt your muscles loosen in it. It was surprising what effect water had on you considering all the ceremony, planning, and scheduling that today would hold. Closing your eyes, you recalled that first night again with dawn fast approaching. The two of you wearily mounted the stair and moved down the corridor, arms around each other, leaning in toward one another, practically sleepwalking your way to Ralph’s bedroom - now your marital bed.

The model airplanes and the telescope were still there, that boyish charm still filled the room. And the bed. That big beautiful soft-as-a-feather bed was calling your names.

You heard the door close and a lock click. And then you heard a bolt slide. You turned to see Ralph blushing. “After last time? I wasn’t taking any chances. I had them installed last week.”

A silence fell between you both as you regarded each other in the soft dawn light.

“You’re my husband,” you said. He nodded.

“And you’re my wife,” he said. He giggled.

“Come wrap yourself around me and hold onto me forever,” you said.

He didn’t move. “I never thought I would have anyone like you.”

“Ralph?”

“I always knew I would be alright, of course. Maybe meet someone at a party, she’d take a fancy to me, I’d take a fancy to her and well… But you? So intelligent, so driven, so beautiful, and with such a humongous heart. You’re nothing I ever knew I wanted… and everything I’ve always dreamt of.

“I knew that whomever it was that fancied me and married me would be alright. That we’d get on. But I didn’t think it would feel this… profound? Is that the right word for when you feel as though you’re connected at the soul? Is that it?”

Your words were barely above a whisper. “Yes. That is… love.”

“All I could see for months was your face every time I closed my eyes. Your voice was in my head. I thought that I was going mad, really.”

“I saw you everywhere too. Especially just before I fell asleep,” you said.

“Yes. Especially then. And I thought I would surely go mad with the loneliness of it all. I was hollowed out. Like when you make a jack-o-lantern. Just whole scoops of myself were pulled from me and I was just Ralph on the outside and nothing on the inside. When Victoria came and took me away for the last time… I thought I was going to die.”

“Oh Ralph.”

“But it was alright in the end. You see, Martha - you remember her from tonight and from before when she was your maid-“

“Yes, of course I remember her. She’s wonderful. And so good at her job.”

“Yes, and loyal,” he said and he smiled when you tilted your head in question, “I say loyal because she told me something that no one has ever told me. She told me that I was sardines champion because no one had ever bothered to look for me. And she told me that they all took bets. And she told me that you were the only one to come looking that night. And that you knew about the bets. At first, I was so angry with you.”

You felt the blush as it flushed your face beet red. Your marriage was ruined and you hadn’t even been married a day! What would your parents think? “Ralph, I-“

He held up a hand. “But you see, then Martha explained it to me. She said the reason you didn’t tell me was because you didn’t want to break my heart. You wanted to be kind. You didn’t tell me because you knew it made me happy to be sardines champion. You didn’t have the heart to share with me the cruel trick my sister and her friends were playing on me. You cared too deeply about me to hurt me with bad news. Even then. You barely knew me and you were doing your level best to be so very kind.”

“She said that to you?” you asked. “But how did she know that that’s what went through my mind? I mean to say: she’s absolutely correct, but… I didn’t tell her that.”

Ralph shrugged. “She said she knew you were different. That you cared. That when you found out that these parties really only were for Victoria’s friends and that I didn’t have any… She said that you were shocked and saddened. She said that you were outraged. And when you heard about the bets they were making… Martha said that she heard from the footmen at the party that you looked fit enough to burst and murder Victoria and all of her chums right there and then. You were- how did she put it? Oh yes! You were incandescent with rage!”

“So you’re not angry with me for not telling you about the betting? About them not ever bothering to look for you?”

“No. I understand. You didn’t want to hurt me by telling me sad news.”

“And now that you know? No more games of sardines, I suppose.”

“Oh they’ll be a game. Every party from now on. Only my name won’t be involved. I shall step aside so that someone else can take my crown. If they can. I think a bowl with everyone’s name in - save mine, of course - and it will be a blind draw. One of the footmen can do it. That way it’s fair. And whoever it is - they have to play or leave.”

You nodded. “Sounds like a perfect come-uppance to me.”

“I plan for the first party that all the little chits in the bowl will have Victoria’s name put on.”

You smiled and laughed, covering your mouth with one hand in shame. He came to you, pulling gently at your wrist to reveal your beautiful smile. “You’re to never cover up your grin around me, Lady Penbury. House rules.”

“Yes, m’lord,” you said and curtseyed.

“Ooh, you!” he said, a wicked grin on his face and kissed you passionately.

********************************

The bathwater was turning tepid and Martha was in with some fluffy towels to dry you off and your robe. You rose, dried, wrapped yourself up, and allowed her to usher you to the make-up table so that you could fix your face and she could fix your hair and jewelry.

You stared at yourself in the mirror as Martha worked and said a silent prayer for her. She had more on the ball than you had given her credit for and you had forgotten what it was like to serve in a house like this one. Your mother tried to explain to you that you heard and saw everything but you could say nothing. What you could do, however, you did do and well. Or else bad things might befall those that needed your help the most.

And it seems Martha had learned the same lessons. She smoothed your hair and placed a jewel encrusted comb in it. You watched her work and thought of your mother again. She had the same calm manner. The same wise silence. She always knew the right thing to say and when. And, more importantly, the tone that should be kept throughout the conversation.

“There now, my lady,” she said. “What do you think of that?”

You turned your head this way and that. She handed you a hand mirror and you turned around. Her work was impeccable. “Martha?”

“Yes, my lady?”

“I suspect you are a treasure.”

Her smile was bright. “I’m so happy for you ma’am.” You stood and hugged her gently. “Let’s get you looking like a bride, shall we?”

Your father stood at the bottom step of the grand staircase as you descended. You stood still for him to take in the view. His eyes welled up again and he brushed an escaped tear aside before it could get tangled in his mustache. “Ready to go, my dear?”

“Oh I’ve been ready for a very long time, dad.”

“First time I’m in the back of one of these,” your father whispered to you as you traveled to the church. “I’ve ridden in the front, of course, on big family trips with the Hollingsworth family. But never in the back like a proper gent. Feels strange.”

The car ride was long, but you didn’t mind. The cathedral was in the distance somewhere around the next several bends, your groom there to be with you always. You didn’t think it would ever hit you, but you could feel the excitement rise inside of you. The flit of butterflies. Your hands were shaking. Your breath was shaky too. You folded your hands in your lap and breathed.

Your father’s warm hand was on yours.

You looked at him and smiled. “Nervous?” he asked you.

“Yes. But I really shouldn’t be. We’ve been married for months now. And yet-“

“And yet, your knees are knocking together and your hands are quivering, and you feel as though someone fed you a swarm of bees.”

“Yes, that’s about it.” You had to smile. Your father could always make you smile.

“Well no need to fret, my love. He’s a good man and he just wants to see you in that dress standing next to him. And now you’re in the dress. All you need to do is get there. Once you’re there, in the church, in the dress, you’ll feel much better. Trust your old dad on that.”

His warm hand held yours for the rest of the ride.

Countryside swiftly gave way to citiscape. You passed the street your shop was on. Ralph’s smile came to you as you closed your eyes. Not long now, my love.

The cathedral was the same one you helped decorate all those months back. That was the day he showed you the shop. The day that had been the happiest you thought you could be. You stepped from the car, your father offering you a supporting hand, and looked up at the edifice. It was grand indeed. Ralph told you that he had plans for the nave to be dripping with all the flowers known to bloom at that time of year. You couldn’t wait to see it.

You were escorted to a small room off of the narthex. Your bridesmaids were gathered there. The veil was placed over your head, a bouquet was handed to you, and in the full-length mirror that sat in one corner of the room, you saw that you looked every inch the new bride.

Everyone was cooing over you but you kept your eyes trained on your parents. Your mother had a handkerchief out already. Your father looked proud and satisfied. You were in the dress and you were at the church. And you had arrived in good time and all ready to declare your love before God and all your cherished loved ones.

There was no music at your first union save what had drifted in from the party in the ballroom. Here, you could detect soft organ music lilting over the congregation. You gave your maid of honor the nod and she crept to the doorway that led to the nave to give the officiant the go-ahead.

The wedding march began. Both doors of the narthex were opened and the nave and transept stretched before you. Ralph was right: Mrs. Randolph had pulled out all the stops. Flowers were everywhere. Each pew end, the wall sconces, the columns along the nave, as well as buntings of flowers between all the columns. Your two smallest cousins, twin girls, led the party down the aisle scattering peach rose petals along the red carpet. Bridesmaids followed. Then you and your father.

Your brain wanted to take everything in at once, but you were unable. All you could do was float along as a flashbulb went off here and there - the wedding photographers doing their jobs - and you had a general sense that you were the center of attention. You kept as still as you could inside as anxiety nipped at your innards. Your father’s solid presence was a blessing and a help. Without him, you may not have made the very long walk down the aisle at all. It would have been too much.

You saw groomsmen first. Then you saw Ralph, his back to you, his best man - a cousin on his mother’s side - whispered to him excitedly. You could see how nervous Ralph was even at this angle. His head down a bit, shoulders slightly hunched, you could see him trying to breathe. Not long now, my love.

You reached the chancel and Ralph’s side. He turned and was instantaneously lost in you. His mouth opened slightly, but no words came. He was transfixed. Your father took his arm and guided his hand to yours, but Ralph’s stare never broke. You squeezed his hand and smiled at him. “Alright, Ralph?”

His lips moved, but you couldn’t hear the words. He swallowed and tried again. “Wizard.”

The ceremony began. The words were practically the same as the last time, the notable difference was the immense pomp and circumstance surrounding you both. Finally, they got to the part where the officiant said: “If any person can show just cause why they may not be joined together – let them speak now or forever hold their peace.”

Silence reigned in the cathedral. Out of the corner of your eye, you caught sight of Victoria. She had worn black. But she remained motionless and speechless. If anything, she looked resigned. She met your gaze.

After she had fainted and recovered herself that night, she had returned to the party as it was breaking up. Dawn was just peeking over the horizon and she was looking for anyone who would come to her aid to help think of a way to destroy this impossible thing that happened to her brother. She looked all around at whomever was left and found Randall Miller. He was deep in his cups, drunk and exhausted. But he listened to her. Offered her the last of the champagne at his table, a line of cocaine. They took a walk out to the fountain garden. She had only been looking for a sympathetic ear. Miller was looking for more.

He had tried to kiss her, apparently. She had shoved him away. She wasn’t in the mood. He didn’t like that. Not one little bit. He smacked her so hard, she fell into the fountain and came up screaming. He tried to shut her up and wound up pushing her back into the water, a hand over her mouth. She struggled against him.

You had heard Victoria’s scream from the bedroom window - Ralph’s room was situated to overlook the same garden. Her scream had pierced your happiness; but it was more than that of a drunken party girl’s hoorah - it contained alarm. You were instantly throwing open the sash and screaming for Miller to stop. You and Ralph exchanged a look, then ran down to pull the fiend off of her.

You were both there in an instant, he, grabbing Miller by the scruff of the neck and heaving him onto the gravel path with a might that came from nowhere, and you pulling your sister-in-law up from the water so hard, she fell on top of you, the impact of which kicked loose any water she may have swallowed. You rolled her off of you as she coughed and sputtered and gasped for breath. You sat up and slapped her back to help her get it all out.

She looked at you and that was all it took: she broke down immediately. She’d had enough. Sitting her up, you cradled her in your arms as she wept, hot aching sobs that wracked her body. You didn’t have it in you to kick her when she was clearly so down. You were tired of fighting her as well. As she clung to you, you found yourself whispering, “There, there. It’s alright now. We’ve got you. Ralph is taking care of you. And so am I. It’s all over now.”

By the time the police had been rung and had arrived, Victoria was still a sodden mess, alive but shaken and subdued. Miller was in the back of a paddy wagon (his eye blackened and nose broken from punches you never saw Ralph throw) his life ruined forever.

You sat beside her on the garden bench, rubbing her back soothingly as Ralph talked to the constable. The silence between you and your new sister-in-law was palpable. You couldn’t stand it.

“I know we haven’t always seen eye to eye, but…” you began.

“He gave you grandmama’s ring,” she said, her eyes on the hand in your lap. You didn’t say anything, simply extended your hand. The ring glittered. “Of course he gave you grandmama’s ring. He would. He’s the sentimental type. The sap.”

She fell silent. “Yes,” you said. “He is very sentimental.” Another silence.

She didn’t look at you, but she didn’t interrupt you from speaking as she had spent a lifetime doing to her brother, so you continued: “Victoria, I thought we could establish a sort of truce? After all, we now share so many things… your brother, my husband… the history of this ring… first-hand knowledge that Randall Miller is a horse’s ass.”

She snorted a mirthless laugh. “And a criminal,” she added. “And a cad. And a masher. And a first-rate bastard.”

“And a criminal, a cad, a masher, and a first-rate bastard,” you agreed. “Officially now, it seems.”

She regarded you for a second. “You really do love the old bean, don’t you?”

“With everything that I am,” you said.

“That was a pretty speech you made to me back there,” she said, staring at the fountain that was almost a murder site. “And you meant it all, didn’t you?”

“Every word,” you said. “You really are a terrible witch.”

“Yes,” she admitted, a far away look in her eye, “I suppose I am.”

“But you didn’t deserve what he did just now,” you said. “That was ghastly. Horrific. As cruel as you have been to me, I would never wish you harm.”

“I suppose that truly does make us sisters, eh?” she mused. “You hate me. I hate you. But we don’t want harm done, do we? We just want nothing to do with one another.”

“Unless you truly need me, no.”

“I needed you just then. You and Ralph.”

You didn’t answer, merely hummed a sound of agreement.

She looked at you again. Just a fleeting glance, but you felt it. “Take care of him. He’s awfully silly. He’ll need someone with a good head on their shoulders.”

“I plan on being just that someone,” you said.

“Fine,” she said, standing. “But don’t think this makes us friends.”

“Oh I know it doesn’t,” you smiled, “It makes us sisters.”

She had given you a side-smirk before walking away. The same smirk she wore now. The one that said: “Go on. Become my sister in front of all the swells of London. But don’t think this makes us friends.”

You nodded at her and gave her a small smile. She did the same. The ceremony continued.

Soon enough, you were kissing Ralph in front of God and everyone. A cheer went up as did plenty of applause as the organ rang out the chords that were so familiar to everyone.

Rice was tossed high above you both as you left the cathedral. The bells rang and relatives you had forgotten you had kissed you on the cheek for luck. You stopped just before the car door and threw your bouquet high behind you.

Victoria caught it.

You locked eyes again, your sister-in-law nodding at you. You nodded back and gave a small wave. She returned it.

“Ready, darling?” Ralph whispered in your ear.

“Since the day I was born, my love,” you replied. You kissed him quickly and scrambled into the waiting car. As it drove away back to the country estate, you both waved to all your family and friends through the rear glass. You would see them all again in a few hours. The wedding party itself was to gather at the country estate for photographs and the presentation of the wedding portrait.

Ralph’s mother’s portrait had been hung in the salon over the fireplace since her wedding day. Yours was to replace it. The reveal was to happen during the reception with all the wedding party present as well as any guests who wished to see the unveiling. It was a moving moment. Ralph had made a short speech that left most of the company with a lump in their throats. It seemed that the late Lady Penbury’s legacy was the living breathing man you had married. His speech had left you wishing you had known her.

The reception was elegant and casual all at the same time, with both families mingling and getting to know one another. You eyed your parents throughout, watching them have casual conversations with the same type of people they had silently served over the last forty years. It was more a case of ‘see how far we’ve come’ rather than ‘how the mighty (in this case Ralph) had fallen’ and you were glad for it.

As for you and Ralph, times were never better. He danced your feet off and fed you cake (gently, thank you), and your mother graciously danced with him in the absence of his own. Your mother had a sad smile for him throughout, one that seemed to break your heart as well. And then you danced with your father, who, while teary eyed and smiling, managed to wear a proud face and busting buttons.

The reception ended hours later with most of the guests wishing you their best and leaving in groups large and small. Little by little, things dwindled until it became high time for the two of you to leave. Slowly separating from your remaining guests, you assured them they could stay for as long as they wished. You two slipped upstairs. Everyone you passed gave you a knowing look, giggles rippling in your wake.

This promenade to your marriage bed was completely different from your first wedding night. There was no exhaustion from the police. There was no soreness from your limbs from having your brand new sister-in-law land on you and who you had to help to bed. There was no shivering cold of being sat on a cold stone garden bench in a sopping wet dress.

There was, however, a change in venue.

The room with the large armoire you and Ralph had hid in all those months ago was positioned in the same place in the room, only now it was a functioning bedroom, the very one you had woken up in that morning, and complete with the large sleigh bed from Ralph’s old bedroom against the opposite wall. The bank of windows opposite the door allowed moonlit squares of light to spread across the bed, the carpet, and the side of the armoire and other furnishings, despite the rich window dressings along each one. The room was also lit by a soft bedside light and the glow from the fireplace opposite the foot of the bed. It was subdued. It was perfect. So much more peaceful than the beginnings of the last.

Your first wedding night together had been hampered by the comings and goings of police and ambulance. Once all the turmoil was over with and your sister-in-law was upstairs in her own bed with a doctor-administered tranquilizer in her veins, you and Ralph had come back to his room, shaken, sodden, cold, but mostly exhausted.

You had shivered involuntarily in front of the fire, rubbing your hands together in a vain attempt to warm yourself. Ralph wasn’t even damp. He swept up a blanket from a cedar chest and wrapped it about you, rubbing up and down your arms in efforts to warm your skin.

“I may catch a cold if I stay in this dress, Ralph.” Your heart broke for the dress. It was made of silk and utterly ruined by the water.

“I’ll draw you a bath,” he said softly, a tone of worry in his voice. “You stay here.” He poked at the fire and added another log before making his way to the other side of the room and into his bathroom. Distantly, you heard the water running.

“My husband is drawing me a bath,” you murmured to yourself. A wave of tired but happy giddiness passed through you and you giggled. The wall of heat from the fire built up around the log he had added and you closed your eyes and waited to be guided to the bath.

“Are you alright, my love?” Ralph woke you from your reverie. You opened your eyes to your new bedroom and smiled at him.

“I’m fine. Just remembering our first go-round. That wet dress and the warm bath that followed,” you said.

In the firelight you could see him blush. “We did have quite the time that night, didn’t we?”

“We did,” you said. “Shall we make more memories?”

“Oh yes, please, my love,” he said, and kissed you with a sweetness you hadn’t thought him capable of. Not that he had never kissed you sweetly before, but this kiss had left all those others behind. His touch was feather light across your waist, almost as if he were afraid to break you. Slowly his hands came up to cup your breasts and his tongue joined his lips in pleasuring you, dipping into your mouth slowly, languidly, because truly and for the very first time, you officially had all the time in the world.

A thumb ran over your nipple and even through your bodice, you could feel the thrill from his touch course through you. He wasn’t like Charlie at all. Not in this way. Charlie was the leader when it was the two of you. Always. You followed and obeyed his touch. With Ralph, he was the explorer and you were his map and his territory and his land and his ocean. Every time it was like new. Every kiss was a different discovery.

He ran the back of his hand over your skin above your breast, cupping your neck and smoothing it to the nape, his thumb coming around to just before your ear, the warmth of his touch penetrating your soul. If the rest of your married life could be spent in this kiss, you would make a deal with every devil in Hell to keep it that way.

***************************

His mouth was on your neck before his arms went about you. The water had stopped only moments before so you were expecting his return, but not like this. You turned and he stepped back and away from you. He was completely naked.

“Ralph!” Your eyes flew wide in delight, but you stopped in shock when you saw the angry scar at the top of his shoulder near his neck. Your tone shifted to concern. “Ralph.” And you pointed, stepping forward until your fingertips brushed the red mark and felt the hardness of his skin there. “Oh. Ralph.”

“It was a lucky thing, actually,” he said, a blush running clean to his chest.

“Lucky?” Your brain didn’t want to process what luck looked like when all you could see was the pain of being shot.

“The surgeon who patched me up said he saw far worse in the war,” he offered, placing a self-conscious hand over his wound. “He said if it were just two inches more to the south, my subclavian artery would have been severed and I would have died. Three more inches to the center of me, it would have hit my jugular vein and I would have been a goner too.” He huffed a nervous laugh and his face instantly became serious when your expression of wounded shock didn’t change.

“Here,” he said, wrapping his arms around you, “I don’t want you to worry. I’ve had experts fix me and more experts help in my recovery. I feel fine. And I won’t have my new wife thinking that I’m someone to be pitied, if you please.”

“Pity? I wasn’t pitying you, love,” you said, the word shaking you out of your shock. “I was just concerned for you. It’s the first time I’ve seen it, that’s all. Are you sure you’re alright?”

He nodded and rubbed your back soothingly. You shivered involuntarily and wanted to cry, but you held it in. You had both been through enough that evening without you turning into a weepy mess. Besides, he was fine. Standing before you. Healthy. Why were you so upset?

“I thought,” he continued slowly, “I could be romantic and help keep you warm at the same time,” he said with a shrug. “At least, that was my original thought when I took my togs off. Will you let me get you in a warm, steaming-hot bath, my gorgeous girl?” He wore his crafty-intentions grin this time and you felt yourself relent immediately. Your concern was washed away by his playfulness and confidence.

“Saucy boy,” you replied and tickled a finger under his chin.

He helped you out of the dress and the rest of your clothing. “Oh my, but it is ruined, isn’t it?” The discoloring the water had caused was unmistakable.

“Yes,” he sighed. “I suppose we’ll just order you a new one.”

“Oh Ralph, no,” you said, “it’s far too dear. I won’t have it. It’ll be a keepsake. A memory of an eventful evening.”

He smiled and guided you into the bath. “As you wish, my darling wife.”

“Mmmm,” you said, “I could get used to hearing that phrase.” You both laughed and he stopped you before the gigantic claw foot tub. It was definitely big enough for two. Ralph climbed in first and held a hand for you to join him. As you sat between his legs, your hands gripped on either side of the soaking tub, you glanced backward at him and saw his focus was on your backside as it slid downward into the water. His pupils had blown black and his quick pink tongue had darted out to wet his lips. You settled yourself with a small private grin and leaned back into him. Your body was instantly warm from the water; your core was instantly warm from Ralph’s lustful expression.

“Happy wedding day, Ralph,” you said, turning back and kissing him softly.

“Happy wedding day to you too, my beautiful girl.”

***************************

When the kiss finally broke, you shivered. You weren’t cold. You wanted him. All of him. Right then. And from the look in his eye, he had picked up on your desires.

Fingers flew to both of your sets of buttons and stays. You were naked in the moonlight and the firelight within moments. The sight of him wasn’t new. You had memorized his skin, his shape, his cock. You had made love countless times in the months since your first wedding.

The thrill now came from him knowing you so intimately that you no longer had to guide him. He knew each dip and curve of your body. His fingers had learned to play upon you like a virtuoso plays a violin. Now, instead of the anticipation of watching him discover you, and by natural consequence, discover himself as a lover, you were allowed to feel him embrace his own mastery of you. No longer the student, he was slowly becoming the master.

“I have a surprise for you, sweetheart,” he murmured into your skin as his warm hands found the curve of your hips.

“Oh?” You were almost ignorant of his statement, so distracted were you by his mouth on you.

“Mmm,” he sighed into your skin as he mouthed at your collarbone. “Stand just over here.” He guided you with a gentle hand in yours to the fireside. “I’ll be just a moment. Don’t catch cold.” His mouth brushed your knuckles and he stepped away from you and to the armoire. From it he produced a box, several inches square and only a few inches deep. It was wrapped and a ribbon surrounded it.

As he held it out to you, he recounted: “There is a Penbury tradition that when the Lord marries, he gifts his wife something unique for her to wear on special occasions. I have worked with experts on this for six months. It’s yours. Wear it and know that by doing so, I am yours as well.”

You untied the ribbon and removed the paper. Ralph set both aside, just in case you wanted to be sentimental and keep all parts of his gift. His thoughtfulness made you smile. The box was a plain black affair, no frills, no insignia. Ralph held the bottom as you slipped its tight lid off. Inside was another box coated in dark blue velvet. The lid opened to reveal the single most stunning necklace you had ever seen in your entire existence. In your inexpert opinion, it even beat out the King’s jewels in the Tower. Dazzling diamonds and delicate blue sapphires shimmered in the firelight.

“I want to make love to you while you wear it,” Ralph whispered.

***************************

The warm bath water cupped in your husband’s palm was poured gently over your shoulders. Steam was everywhere and your skin tingled with the heat of the liquid and Ralph’s chest pressing behind you. Soon there was another scoop of water. This time rivulets coursed down your right breast. Now your left breast. Each movement was slow and deliberate, reminding you that you had all the time in the world now. His warm hand met the back of your neck and you moaned, tilting your head back. He took his moment and captured your mouth with his.

The chill of the evening was definitely wearing off and you felt loose, felt like drifting, wading into the brown of his eyes. How did you get here? How did you get so lucky? How was he real? And more to the point: what will your lives look like fully entwined?

“Ralph?” you asked.

“Hmm?” He had gone back to idly pouring water over your skin.

“What do we do now?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, for starters: where do we live? Here? Or in the flat above Moxie? Or your house in London?

“How about all three?” he offered.

You considered this for a moment before deciding that you were too tired and didn’t really care anyway. You needed to slow down. You needed to learn to be more like Ralph and live in the moment. After all, for the first time in your life, you had true stability. You could work when you wanted. You could play when you wanted. The Penbury wealth was jaw-dropping to the point of being obscene, but at the same time afforded you plenty of something that you never had before: time.

Silently, you promised yourself that you would try to live in the moment without losing focus on the future. You could find a balance there somewhere - with practice.

“Where have you gone, darling?” His voice was warm honey in your ear.

“Thinking about learning to live in the moment and how crap I am at it right now.”

His light laughter echoed off the tiled walls. “Shall I teach you?”

“What did you have in mind?”

Instead of answering you, he sucked a loud smacking kiss to the side of your neck and shifted himself up. You sat up to give him room and soon found yourself with your own back against the tub and your husband facing you on his knees between your legs. “Did I ever tell you that my sister and her friends tried to kill me once?”

“Only once?”

“Ha,” he said without humor, “but yes. There was a sprawling fountain on the property when I was a child and my sister and her friends dared me that I couldn’t walk all the way around the rim of it and make it back full circle without falling in. Well, the rim was at least a third of a meter wide and was easy to walk along, but it was a bit choked by water plants that had overgrown the borders of it in places. Still, it was a doddle. So I accepted.

“They stationed themselves all around the fountain and when I came to them, they each attempted to push me in. I got around two-thirds of it before one of the little monsters succeeded, but of course, my shoe got tangled in the plant and it held me under.”

“Ralph. I beg of you. Please tell me they all reached in and got you out.”

“Oh, don’t be silly. We were children. And they did what children do: they ran away.” The look of horror on your face was enough to prompt Ralph to clarify. “Oh no no no! One of the groundskeepers saw it all happen and came bounding up. He grabbed me by the scruff and hauled me out.”

You let out a long moan of relief.

“But the thing was,” Ralph continued, ignorant to your shocked expression that begged him to mercifully end his tale, “I was only inches from the surface the whole while. I was kicking as hard as I could to loosen my shoe and free myself. By the time I was catching my breath on land, I was convinced that if I developed strong enough lung power, that I should have been able to stay under there for quite some time. Maybe even a whole minute!

“So I set about practicing holding my breath. I do it even now, timing myself to see how long I can do it. I’m up to thirty-five seconds, on average. I can do that with ease. My record is forty-seven seconds. So, I’m almost there.”

“Sweet boy. Gorgeous boy. Sunshine boy. Why are you telling me all this?” you said, sitting up to stroke his face. You thanked every god going that this boy hadn’t killed himself before you had a chance to meet him. “And what in God’s name does it all have to do with living in the moment?”

“Oh! Well. In this moment, I want you to lie back and enjoy the fruits of my labors, my love,” he smiled, sucked in a large breath, and placed his head under the water and between your legs.

Your reaction to his mouth hitting your clit was instantaneous.

***************************************

There were a few causes for the gooseflesh along your skin: Ralph’s eyes as he asked you the question; your whispered acceptance of his offer; the anticipation as he disengaged the necklace from its velvet bed; the cold caress of the jewelry as it kissed and teased your skin before settling along your collarbones and sternum; and finally, the sight of your naked form in the full-length mirror of the open door of the armoire.

The mirror was attached to the inside of the door he had left open and Ralph positioned you and himself so that you could be seen fully with Ralph standing behind you. At that distance, you couldn’t see the details of each stone as your fingertips gingerly touched it, but as you stood in the firelight it sparkled.

So did the brown-black eyes of your husband.

His warm hands came up from behind you and cupped your breasts, pebbled nipples erect, his forefingers and thumbs teasing and pressing them.

“You look glorious,” he said in an awed whisper. “Like the goddess Venus risen from the sea waters.” His mouth was at your ear, “Let me worship you.”

His hands fell away as he circled you. He fell to his knees before you on the hearth carpet, the skin of a polar bear shot long ago by a now-dead relative. It took some convincing by Ralph to allow it to remain in your private quarters, but between his sweet eyes begging you and the fact that it was the only real truly masculine thing in the entirety of the room itself, you relented. You were grateful for it now. It was sensually soft underneath your feet and your husband looked like its naked conqueror as he gazed back up at you. A conqueror who was grateful to the goddess that allowed him to win the battle.

He took your breasts in his mouth first, delicately swiping at the flesh underneath them with his nose and placing a gentle kiss to the skin there before swallowing your nipple. He hummed with pleasure and his tongue laved at your nipple, cupping against it in waves as he suckled contentedly. His hot fingertips rested against your ribs, palms never pressing, but the heat of them present regardless.

Ralph was another heat source in the room besides the fire. From him, you learned you could warm any part of yourself no matter how ice cold it was against him. He was eternally patient with you and loved you no matter what temporary discomfort he may be experiencing. He called it gratitude for the years he was neglected. You called it natural generosity of spirit.

As you contemplated the sweet giving nature of your husband, you caressed his curls, clipped short at the sides and back for the wedding, but at the top tousled and free. You had remembered his hair from your wedding night: Brylcreamed within an inch of its life until after your time in the hot water of the tub when the hair cream was washed away as you caressed him and later, after it was dry, was a riot of curls you begged him never to tamp down again.

His eyes bored into your soul as he switched off to the other breast, peppering a trail of kisses between them. With each tiny peck, a devotion was made, whispered to your flesh, burned onto your psyche: “My goddess. My own. What you do to me. What you move within me. All my life I will devote everything to your happiness. To your pleasure. To your every whim. I am yours always. And all I ask is to worship you.”

His hot mouth found your other nipple with a moan from you both.

********************************

Your moans echoed off of the bathroom tiles. Water lapped at the edges of the tub as you raised one leg to balance on the edge of the tub and fidgeted against Ralph’s mouth as it latched onto your clit. He alternated licking and sucking until he reached a pattern that made you undulate against him. You carded your hands through his hair automatically, but didn’t press; you were too concerned that he had access to air. He was as good as he bragged; you hadn’t timed him, but it had to be close to half a minute before he came up for air with a wicked grin, his chin still submerged, his skin pink with the heat of the water, breathing deeply from his efforts, eyes blown black with a predatory look.

A hand slid to your gash, fingertips circling your clit, keeping the nubbin stimulated while you shivered and your breath stuttered. You had been concerned for him when he first dove in, but as he worked and the seconds ticked by, he showed no sign of struggle. If anything, he seemed perfectly comfortable underwater, small air bubbles rising as he regulated his breathhold. When he surfaced, his breath heavy but regular, you saw in his eye how confident he was. You couldn’t help but smile.

His tongue found the inside of the thigh you had raised to the side of the tub. His sucking kiss smacked loudly in the tiled room and he laughed. “Ready for more?”

“Jesus God, Ralph if you don’t keep going I may lose my mind,” you said. “Please, sweet boy. This is amazing.” He gulped another lungful of air and dove again, licking a fat stripe up from your hole to your clit. The moan that left you was lascivious. His lips wrapped around your clit again and you felt the pressure of the air as he blew against that bundle of nerves, a riot of bubbles breaking the surface. It felt like nothing you’ve ever experienced and you gasped, throwing your head back and reaching for his ears.

He surfaced again quickly, grabbed another breath and went back down. He pressed a finger inside you this time, hooking it just as you had taught him, easing it in and out of you. Paired with his mouth on you and the bubbles, your climax built quickly. The water sloshed against the sides of the tub as you thrust your hips up toward him as you chased after your bliss. It broke over you. White hot heat coiled and sprang inside you bursting at your core and running down your legs. Ralph came up for air. He watched you in eager fascination as he fingered you through your orgasm.

“Glorious,” he whispered. “You are simply glorious.”

You came down slowly. Only then did you become aware of Ralph and his eyes. The water was rapidly turning tepid and you gave an involuntary shiver. A crease of worry appeared between those beautiful doe eyes. “Alright, darling?”

“Perfect, my love. My Ralph.”

“Let’s get you wrapped in a towel and dry, shall we?” He splashed out of the bath, wrapping a thick yellow towel low around his waist. It was then you noticed the other half of his wound. The scar was much larger on the back of his skin. You stood as he turned back to you. One hand out to support you, the other holding another fluffy towel for you. He wiped down your shoulders and chest gently, picking up all the droplets of water that still clung to you. He moved it across your abdomen, past your sex and down your legs. Once done, he rose and wrapped the towel carefully about you and held you close.

Your fingertips found his wound again and you kissed him there. You finally realized why it upset you so much. It was related to a memory you had stowed away deep inside you. “You could have died,” you said. “You could have left my life forever. I would have had to find out from the papers. I would have mourned you forever.”

“But I didn’t die,” he said. “I’m right here.”

You broke from his embrace and walked around him to inspect the wound behind. He turned his head to watch you, to gauge your reaction. This was the first real wound he had ever suffered, barring any unforeseen scrapes and scratches from his childhood. He didn’t want you to worry too greatly. After all, he didn’t have any real long-lasting effects to date; the bullet had passed through-and-through.

The warm press of your mouth over the scar caused his eyes to close. Ralph breathed a sigh of relief. You made no noise of shock, no vocal admonishment that he had been foolish, and he was glad. You weren’t angry with him. It was as though a large weight had lifted from him. You had accepted that it was there and you weren’t going to reject him for the actions that led to the damage. He turned to you, beaming a smile.

You were crying.

“Oh! What? Hey! Darling! Sweetheart! Love! Why? What is this?”

“I- I’m sorry, Ralph,” you said through your tears. A lump formed in your throat. Months after his death, you had heard the details of Charlie’s death from another wounded soldier in his regiment. He had been shot near the neck as well. The difference was that that bullet had struck the artery. According to the soldier, his death had taken long seconds. You recalled how resolute you were to hear it all. You demanded he give you a second-by-agonizing-second account of his parting. The terrible sadness in the soldier’s eyes still haunted you as he had recounted to you Charlie’s sputtering and gasping. The blood everywhere. Charlie’s own hand clasped over the wound in his vain attempt to stop what was happening. The terror and desperation in Charlie’s eyes. Then the silence in them. The soldier's words had robbed you of breath just as that bullet had robbed you of your Charlie. But this wasn’t Charlie. This was Ralph. And he was here. He was alive. He was fine. And he was looking at you with such tender worry. “It’s just- I- I’m being foolish. I'm sorry.”

“Please tell me,” he said. “I don’t want anything more to spoil our evening.” He released the plug on the bath and walked you out of the bathroom and into his bedroom. The fire had built up and warmed the space nicely. He ushered you between the sheets and joined you, discarding the towels and holding you closely to him. He waited for you to talk. “I know this is about my scar. Please tell me.”

And you did. You told him everything. And you wept. Tears of release and relief. Tears of grief and joy. “I’m so glad you’re here.”

His next kiss warmed you, body and soul. You fell into it, craving the shelter he was creating for you. Craving its comfort. Craving its safety. It was then that you realized how hard you had been holding onto your grief all this time. You wrapped your arms around Ralph and kissed him again. Kissed him over and over until there was nothing but you and him and the warmth of each other that no pain could reach.

Daylight streamed in brighter as you lay there, eventually causing Ralph to get up and close the curtains against it so you could sleep. As he came back to you, you held your arms out to him and a question popped into his head.

“Darling,” he asked. “With Charlie…”

“Yes?”

“He taught you so much about intercourse and pleasuring each other,” he began. Even in the gloom of the room you could see his cheeks and ears pinking up.

“Yes?”

“You never became… pregnant?” He hated asking, but he had been curious. He didn’t know if it was a sensitive subject for you, but he had to know. After all, you were married now.

It was your turn to blush. You turned on your back. You couldn’t look at him when you said, “We had wondered ourselves. But no. We never did. My mother had said that sometimes these things can take time and that the reason my father and she only had me was because she had lost two before me. She had never told me that before. She called me her little miracle.” You smiled sadly.

“I see,” said Ralph. His silence was deafening.

“You think I’m barren, don’t you?” you asked quietly, your eyes on the ceiling.

“No no! I don’t-“

“Well the truth is: I might be. I don’t know.” You felt your throat catch on the last word and you willed yourself not to cry again.

“All we can do then is keep trying,” he said. “I’m up for that.”

You laughed. “You sound like Charlie.” Finally you were able to meet his eyes. “He had faith too.”

“Then what are we waiting for?” He kissed you softly. “I plan on burying my seed inside you until you’re plump and round. Would you like that?”

You moaned in the affirmative. “I want you so badly, Ralph.”

He climbed on top of you and rested his weight carefully and gently along your body. Instinctively, your legs and arms wrapped around him. His kisses were littered on your face, your neck, your collarbones. Finally, he captured your mouth.

You needed to feel the hardness of him. Your hands drifted down his back, one hand snaking between you to find his length. His groan went straight to your core. Gently, you stroked him, fingertips playing along his tip, gathering the liquid there, spreading it around and along his member.

His mouth never left yours at first. Eventually, his curiosity got the best of him and he lifted up and away to look downward between you both. His cock dangled there, stiff and getting stiffer as the seconds ticked by, as your fingers teased him, as he remembered that you were all his, as you gazed into his eyes and smiled.

You lifted your knees upward and out, splaying yourself for him. He leaned back and lined himself up, glancing at you once more to check you were alright. There was nothing but love in your eyes.

“Make love to me, Ralph,” you sighed.

He slid his tip to your entrance. He pressed in slowly, not wanting to hurt, not wanting to harm, not wanting to shock. Where he felt resistance, he instinctively froze, watched you, and waited. As soon as your breath evened out, he continued on, pressing, pushing, your warmth enveloping him slowly. Like putting that first tentative foot into a hot bath, he felt the warmth of you smooth over his length. Again, resistance. Again, a pause. A hiss of breath from you. Slowly he retreated. Your breath returned, he slid forward again.

This agonizing dance took whole minutes from your life, but you wouldn’t have had it any other way. It was too good. It was dizzying. It left you breathless and panting. The slow ache of the stretch of him was addictive.

He watched as he slowly disappeared inside you, pulled out a fraction, and disappeared even further. Soon he felt your cunt gather him in of its own accord and he rested himself to the hilt against you. Again, he waited. Again, he watched. His body rested fully against yours now. Your hips canted upward toward him and he drew back an inch, maybe two, and then slowly slid in again.

He was mesmerized by you. Your eyes were puffy and red-rimmed from your earlier tears, but your mouth was smiling and welcoming to his kiss. He never wanted to be the cause of your grieving; your happiness was everything to him. And right now, you were very very happy.

“You feel so good inside me,” you said, practically cooing the words against his mouth. Your clit was rubbing against his coarse hair, a delicious thrill passing over you with every one of his undulations. You could come from this within minutes.

“You were made for me,” he told you, sliding his mouth against yours, his tongue against yours.

He made love to you achingly slowly for what had to be the better part of twenty minutes. Each push-and-pull, each circular grind of his hips, each brush of that soft spot inside you, made your toes curl and your eyes roll into the back of your head. Your climax had built and crashed over you twice as he worked on you and he showed no sign of flagging. You were amazed that he was able to last that long, and had you asked him, he would have told you that he hadn’t been thinking of himself for that entire time. He was only thinking of you. Watching you come over and over and all because of how he was touching you, pushing against you, kissing you, feeling you…. He did that. Ralph Penbury. Only him. The feeling was heady.

Eventually, his own urges had built up to the point where he knew he couldn’t hang on anymore. “Darling?” he asked, a slightly desperate look in his eye.

“Do you need to come now too, Ralph?”

“I do, but I don’t want to hurt-“

“You know you won’t, love. Chase your pleasure. You’ve already given me so much. Go on. Fuck me, Ralph.”

He needed no further encouragement. He slowly worked up steam inside you until the slam of his hips was jarring the entire bed. The sounds of both of your cries could probably be heard back in London, but neither of you cared. He watched the sticky slick of you build up and cream a ring around his shaft, getting caught in his hair, and it made him wild. His thumb met your clit and you hit the ceiling. You had been so overstimulated at that point, that his ministrations were almost painful, but you rode it out and bucked up into him, waiting for another crashing climax to pass through you.

You didn’t have to wait long. Arching your back, you screamed his name loud enough to wake the dead and his ecstasy soon followed. Three, four, five final pumps into you, you felt him explode. His eyes rolled up and he barely caught himself before he crashed down onto you. You eased him into your arms slowly, rubbing soothing circles on his back as he caught his breath.

He was still inside you when he came back to himself. You kissed the tip of his nose. “I think we may be getting the hang of this baby-making thing,” you smiled.

“Oh I don’t know. Took me ages to learn how to ride a bike.” He slipped from you, turning you on your side and cuddling behind.

“I’ll help you steer,” you said and kissed him.

“Later,” he said, “Right now, I want to get some sleep alongside my wife.”

He wrapped himself around you and placed a hand on your lower abdomen. He was asleep within seconds. You lay there, awaiting Morpheus, and placed a hand over his, wondering if you were pregnant even then.

************************

His warm touch had become everything to you since your first night together. He stood before you. With practiced hands he cupped your breasts and you watched the movement of his back muscles as his head dipped to your neck in the armoire’s mirror. His tongue bathed you gently between kisses as he worked his way from your collarbone to your earlobe. “So beautiful,” he murmured before taking your earlobe gently into his mouth and raking his teeth along it. “You are beyond anything I could have hoped for. And I need to make love to you.”

You whispered to him. “Then what are you waiting for?”

“Right here, then?” he asked with a cocky grin.

“Here?”

His eyes fell to the bear skin you were standing on. “Lord Jesus save and preserve us,” you whispered.

The polar bear’s fur was soft against your back. Ralph had braced himself above you and you watched him languidly place kisses all along your chest. He paused at your nipples to lick and suck, once using the press of his lips to pull at the pebble of it, the resulting pain-pleasure combination making you gasp and moan. That was a discovery made a few months back now. He flicked and glided his tongue underneath the sensitive flesh, between the valley they made and underneath the other, only to swirl up and capture your other nipple in the same manner, seeking the same reaction. You didn’t disappoint.

He leaned away from you, massaging your breasts and admiring your blissed-out look in the firelight. “I love that we have all night tonight. Our first wedding night, heavenly though it was, was entirely too brief.”

“And interrupted,” you reminded him, smoothing your hands along his forearms and caressing the outside of his thigh with one of your legs. “Thank God Victoria’s off on that Mediterranean cruise tomorrow morning.”

“Indeed,” murmured Ralph. “We are in the clear, my dear.”

You couldn’t help it. You sat up and kissed him on the mouth. The thought of finally having your married life uninterrupted by your sister-in-law and all her dramatics was invigorating. “You’re mine all mine, Ralph Penbury.”

He giggled and gave you a blasting great smile. “I am yours. For now and always, my dearest girl. My lovely goddess.” He gently pushed you back with one of his hands. “Now if the goddess will permit me, I shall continue my worship.”

You tousled his hair as he made his way south. He was so gentle with you, always. You wanted his touch everywhere. He carefully placed one of your knees over his shoulder - always the one with the scar, you had noticed. As though catching sight of it would affect your sensibilities. You switched them. He stopped and looked at you.

“I want to see the scar, Ralph,” you said. “I want to be reminded of how close I came to losing you and how lucky I am to have you still.”

He didn’t answer. He simply gazed at you as the tip of his tongue extended out and barely touched your clit. That merest touch shot straight to your core. Your sigh was more of a moan, pushing out of you by degrees as your lungs would allow. You fought the urge to buck up into it, feeling yourself get wet in the instant he touched you, glorying in the fact that he could do so much to you with the slightest movement.

“Dear God, the power you have over me, Ralph,” you sighed.

His tongue delved deep between your folds to your opening and back up again, flattening out and licking a great stripe toward your clit, finally capturing it in a sucking kiss. He moaned. You fisted at the rug beneath you, soft fur in your hands, as your back arched and your hips undulated with the rhythm of his tender ministrations.

Your heels dug into his back and Ralph couldn’t be happier. He pulled at his own cock as he worked on you, anticipating your warm cunt enveloping his length. The jewels about your neck glittered. They reminded him of the collars the hunting dogs wore bearing the tag of ownership. You were his now. And you wore his collar to prove it. You wore his ring. You wore his name. You wore his title. And soon, you would carry his child.

The thought made him dizzy and he fought a primal urge to plunge himself deep within you. Instead he closed his eyes and savored your taste. Salty and warm, he relished the feel of being between your thighs like this. It was his favorite place to be. His hand went up and massaged one of your breasts. He felt the pressure of your hand on his and moaned. You wanted him here. You welcomed him.

As if reading his mind, you called his name as he worked at your cunt. Your climax was near and with what breath you had left, his name became a mantra. Over and over his name spilled from your mouth until you felt his hand vanish from your breast and two of his fingers enter you. His timing was exquisite. You back arched as you gave yourself over to that blinding white light.

His mouth glistened as he smiled down at you. “Ready for another, my sweet?”

“Not without helping you along to one of your own, Ralph,” you said, tongue lax and slow in your mouth. You were still recovering, but you needed to taste him too.

“And how do you propose to do that?” he asked, his head cocked to one side.

“I have an idea,” you said. “Nothing we’ve done before.”

“Then color me intrigued,” he said.

His goddess commanded him to lay on his back, so he did. His goddess also commanded she seat herself upon a new sort of throne. One she knew he would be happy to provide. Ralph hadn’t quite envisioned what you had intended, until your pussy was dangling tantalizingly over his nose and mouth, wetness still apparent from your earlier orgasm. The rest of you stretched along the length of his torso. He gasped when you wrapped your hand around his length. He fairly screamed when you put himself in your mouth and began to suck on his cock.

Taking his cue from your wiggling ass, he licked up and into your folds. You tasted even better than before. Slowly as he worked, he felt you relax and your pelvis rested on top of him. He wrapped his hands around your hips and rested them on the cheeks of your ass. Now this was heaven.

You could barely concentrate on the task you’d set before yourself as Ralph’s tongue dipped inside you and fucked you. You could only hope that you kept the same rhythm with your mouth on him, but you had forgotten how his girth and length built once he became truly stimulated. Soon, you couldn’t take all of him in like when you first began. Ralph was always impressive, even when flaccid, but at fully erect, he was a challenge to swallow. Your hand kept pumping his base as your mouth worked around his tip and what part of his shaft you could reach. Saliva dripped down onto your hand and over his balls, but you didn’t care. He deserved all of this. And you were going to give it to him.

His hips bucked upward and you choked. Apologies filled the room. “It’s alright, Ralph. It’s alright. Keep going. I’m almost there again. Please.”

Your last please is what did him in. He dove in again with wild abandon, devouring you like a man starved.

Sucking on his cock only drove you faster to your climax. You couldn’t believe you were ready to come so quickly after the first time, but Ralph was so adept. He learned things so quickly. He adapted to new things so readily. He was truly breathtaking. You gulped down some air and made your best effort to take him in completely over and over and over, determined that he would come in your mouth.

You came first. And you came all over Ralph’s face. It flowed from you and Ralph lapped it up with relish. He had done that to you. Twice tonight. He had mastered your body into obeying his commands. Ralph felt drunk on the power of it all. Drunk on your pussy.

The heat of you was gone from above him, but you hadn’t vanished. You smiled down on him, your mouth as pink and puffy as your cunt. You still stroked his length, cock glistening with your saliva as you repositioned yourself between his feet. Flipping your hair over to one side, you guided your tongue along his length, the tip teasing his frenulum. “Want you to come in my mouth, my husband. Will you?”

“You want me to?”

“I want you everywhere, Ralph,” you said. “But for now, yes.” Your face dipped down and you took one of his testicles in your mouth, sucking on it and pulling it away from his body just enough to elicit a moan from the sweet boy. “You like that?”

“Dear God in heaven, yes,” he said. You could see he was struggling to breathe, never mind form coherent sentences.

Smiling greedily, you captured the other one and gave it the same treatment, moaning your pleasure into his skin. “Shall we try something else that’s new?”

He didn’t answer in any intelligible way, but the sounds he was able to make were in the affirmative, so you went ahead with your next plan. Spitting on the fingertips of your free hand, you worked his asshole and sucked him off at the same time. Surprisingly, Ralph raised his knees, allowing you easier access. You spit directly on his opening and heard him shudder a moan of pleasure.

A new layer of saliva soon coated his cock by the time you got courage enough to press a single finger inside him. Crooking it just so and seeking out the tender bump you knew was there, you watched Ralph carefully for any sign of distress. There was none. But when you found what you were looking for, you saw his expression change to that of a lost look of wonderment to that of open-mouthed ecstasy. He was crying your name and pulling at the rug within seconds. His cock felt even more stiff in your mouth and his hips bucked slightly over and over. “Going to- going- to- ah!”

His body stiffened as he came hot and warm in your mouth. “Dear GOD!” It was all he could manage in the moment. You swallowed against him, your finger still riding his orgasm through to its conclusion. Finally, he was lax, legs rubbery and loose. You kissed his tummy and got up to clean yourself and grab a warm soapy flannel and a towel for him.

You returned to him to find him sat up and staring into the fire. Silently, you washed your husband and toweled him dry. “Tired, darling?” you whispered.

He turned to you, a hand passing about your waist. “I want to fill you with my babies.”

You were wet again in an instant.

“I want you to bear my child. I want to put one in you tonight. And I don’t want to stop coming inside you.” His hand was down across your ass and between your legs. His fingertips were at your opening. “I want you to cry my name. I want the world to know who you love. I want everyone in England to know who my wife is.”

As he spoke, you saw his cock twitch. “So soon?” All he did was smile at you. A soft smile. A feral smile. A smile that had your cunt clutching at nothing.His finger entered you. Felt you clench. Felt it suck him in, hold him there.

“Anything for my goddess,” he whispered against your neck.

The towel and washcloth were discarded instantly as he moved you to all fours on the rug. You balanced your hands on the skull of the creature the rug had been made from and arched your back for your husband’s cock to push into you. The burn was slow and delicious and you looked up to see your reflections in the armoire mirror.

You couldn’t look away.

A curl dangled over his forehead, a crease of concentration there as well, kiss- swollen lips open, pink tongue peeking out with his effort. Your eyes closed and rolled into the back of your head as you felt him sink deep inside you. When next you could open them, Ralph was slowly thrusting inside you, both hands on your hips, fingertips sinking in. You didn’t care about the bruises you knew he was leaving. You only cared about being filled with his come.

His pace quickened as the slick from your cunt made it easier and easier to glide in and out of you. He moved your thighs closer to one another. “Clench down on me, love,” he said, “Show me how tight you can be for me.”

You obeyed and he smacked your ass. You cried out. Smoothing it with a hand, he quickly asked, “Are you alright? I don’t know why I did that. I’m so sorry.”

You answered him by pressing back against him and saying: “Do it again. Oh please, Ralph.”

He gave your other cheek an open handed slap that echoed in the room. Your corresponding yelp fueled a fire within him. The skin of your ass pinked up and once again, the miracle that was you amazed him. He smoothed a soothing hand over you by way of apology anyway. After all, he was taught never to strike a lady.

But you were a lady who was, quite literally, asking for it. He looked up and caught your eye in the mirror. You looked dangerous. Eyes ablaze, hands clawing at the beast beneath you, making it look as though you were dominating the creature, subduing it by sheer force of strength. The necklace glittered with a dark fire, your breasts dangled beneath that, nipples erect. Your ass met his torso in a sensual curve. Your mouth was open and your gaze was hard upon him - as though he were next on your list of things to conquer.

And he wanted to be conquered. Swallowed whole by your cunt and your mouth. He smacked your ass again. Again you cried out. Called his name. Clutched tighter down on his shaft. He was going to fill you with his come. He was going to push so much into you you couldn’t help but become pregnant.

“Do you want to have my come? Do you?”

“Yes! Yes, Ralph! Fill me up. Please.”

He smacked you again and thrust hard against your clenched pussy. You could feel him coating you inside, sticky and warm. His head knocked back, the line of his throat on full display, he cried out your name. He thrust again and again, emptying his seed inside of you, turning you into a repository for all his future generations. His head came back and watched you in the mirror, your face contorted with the press of him inside you.

As he came down from his high, you sat up a little. He was still inside you and you pressed backward against him. He pushed you upward slightly with one hand and his other worked your clit. Between the angle allowing his cock to press on your front wall, and the circling of your sensitive bud, you easily attained another climax, crying out his name for anyone to hear.

His softened cock drifted out of you, spent and coated. Both of you collapsed on the rug, the fire warming you from the front, Ralph warming you from behind. You lay like that for who knows how long, happy, exhausted.

Ralph awoke first. It was still dark outside, but the strong moonlight had vanished to the other side of the house. The fire burned low and it was cooler in the room. He watched you. Your gentle breathing reminded him with each rise and fall that you were indeed a woman of flesh and bone and not the goddess he envisioned. And yet, you were so strong and courageous, and in the firelight, ethereal.

He was glad to survive the bullet wound for you. He would survive a hundred more if it would keep you at his side. You were the debt he could never repay but would spend his lifetime trying. You were the miracle of his life.

You turned in your sleep and shivered. You didn’t wake.

He removed your necklace and placed it loosely in its box. He came back to you and lifted you up in his arms, carrying you to your marriage bed. You nuzzled into him, but still did not fully wake. He smiled at how tired you were.

He snuggled you under the covers and joined you, warming you further with his body. Splaying a hand over your belly he wondered if you were already pregnant. He closed his eyes, nuzzling into the nape of your neck and he prayed you were. You deserved it. You deserved everything he could give you. Ralph wanted the miracle you were to him to have a miracle of your own.

As sleep took him, he became determined to create miracles for you every day.

***************************

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With many thanks to @heyndrix for keeping me driven, focused, and horny. (She knows what I mean.)

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#fanfic #writing #joseph quinn #joe quinn #ralph penbury x reader #ralph penbury #ralph timewasters #the hat shop girl #thsg

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