#I will draw more for this game I think. a treat to my younger self who was completely obsessed

[squuote]

I just got reminded that baldis basics exists do not talk to me I’m going through the memory zone of my own creation

#crow thoughts #I imagine this is what I highschool reuinion feels like when you get reminded of something #-you were rlly into as a kid like holy fuck #watching sc0rpy stream and suddenly he starts playing it like YEEEAAGHHH !!!!!!! #I will draw more for this game I think. a treat to my younger self who was completely obsessed #funny thing is that I actually rlly despised the game for some reason before I was like oh wait nah this fucks actually #FEJBFJSBFJDNFNF FUNNY AND GOOD TIMES it was great :-) I remember a friend and I were gonna make our own little story off of it #because we were both super into the game tho it never happened lolol it was still fun to think about <3 #man I should chat with him about maybe doing a collab that would go so hard #I REMEMBER WE DID ONE LIKE FOREVER FOR ANOTHER COMIC IDEA WE HAD LOLOL #but yeah no I was so fucking into this game even if it was for a short while #I loved everything about it man I was in deep

[selfaware-bungou-stray-dogs]

Hello!! This is my first time requesting something so I'm sorry if I did it wrong or something, so I was wondering if you could do one with preferably Dazai where the reader is suicidal and mostly copes with humor. Oh and could the reader also be a teen like 13 years old?

Circus Hop

Self-Aware! Platonic! Dazai Osamu x GN! Teen! Suicidal! Reader

Description: You were two years younger then him, when he tried to end his life for the first time. You resemble him in more, then one way.

Warning: Mentions of Suicide, Suicide attempt. Parental Neglect. Emotional abuse. Terrible parents. Self-harm. Breakdown. English is my second language

Inspired by the song Circus Hop by YonKaGor.

List of Suicide hotline numbers can be found here and here.

____

Your father brought you to this small building. Someone from school insisted on that.

The room she asked you to stay was quiet. Her voice and your father's voices were muffled, because of the door.

Few minutes ago you were talking to the woman. She asked you about your life, your plans for the future, your friends.

Your answers were simple.

Nothing interesting. Don't have any plans for future. Don't want to meet my friends... Just don't want to.

Then she asked you about pictures you have drawn. And asking about your parents about death. And when the thoughts appeared.

Another set of answers.

I feel like drawing it. I feel like talking about it. After Granny's death.

You... think, that you feel like it. You still can feel, right?

Then she asked you to do some tests. First, you must answer, if some sentences can describe you¹, than you must finish some sentences², then group other sentences together ³.

After you finished, she asked you to wait here, while she talks to your father.

You were left alone.

You looked around.

There were nothing interesting for you. Yet, you continue sitting on the sofa and dangling your feet.

You didn't flinch, when your father opened the door, shouting at the woman, who was talking to him.

"Don't you have anything, that will fix them? They are creeping out everyone!"

Woman's voice was firm.

"I already told you, that your child need professional help. You should..."

Your father's gaze became colder.

"I will take them home. They aren't suicidal. They just a little brat who want some attention and who are angry at their mother and I for working too much and not playing in their stupid games. Come, [Y/N], we are leaving!"

He took your hand in his and start to drag you behind him. You simply follow after him.

Before completely leaving the small building, your father stopped.

"Where's your jacket?"

You point at the door, that leads to woman's office.

"There. I forgot it there "

Your father grumble something and, after slapping you on the back of the neck, he walked towards the door and enter the office again.

"Idiotic brat."

Nothing new. As usual.

Then you heard, how the secretary and one of the janitors were talking.

"Another one of these parents. At first, they refuse to treat their children, because they don't have time for that..." Janitor said, glaring at the office door.

"And then, they must find time to bury their kid..." The secretary's gaze was full of sympathy, when she looked at you.

Your father returns with your jacket. You put if on and follow your father again.

He was mumbling under his breath.

"The nerve of this woman... [Y/N]! Just stop being sad. Be happy!"

You mindlessly nodded. You didn't pay much attention to your father's words. One thought were circling in your head.

"Is it important... to attend someone's funeral?"

_______

It was important. At least, The Internet said so.

Your parents... Work hard. If you die, they won't be able to go to your funeral.

You shouldn't die. At lest, for now.

But... You were so tired. You were so afraid. Future was scary. Life was scary.

and you were a failure

You remembered, your father's advice.

"Just stop being sad. Be happy."

Maybe... you could...

________

For a year, you followed your father's advice.

For one year, you manage to keep up a happy façade.

You became interested in life again.

probably... you do become interested in your hobbies again... at least...you don't even scratch your legs or pull out your hair that much.

Dad's advice works.

kind of... your jokes freaked people out... but the school therapist insisted on helping you in secret from your parents.

when dad found out, he enrolled you in a different school.

he yelled at you for being a brat

mom yelled at you for being a difficult child

You must stay happy. Just be happy.

Pretend to be happy.

you just want to be truly happy again

________

You liked BSD even before these thoughts appeared in your head. Your Granny bought you BSD Manga as a birthday present. It is special to you.

Dazai was one of your favorite character before. Now, he truly became your most favorite. You two are similar. He laughs and jokes. You laugh and joke.

both of you need help

You shake your head, chasing away the thoughts.

You open BSD Mayoi app, humming that song again.

________

Dazai felt nervous.

Two weeks ago, he and the rest of BSD Cast finally got into your world. And, he didn't like what he saw.

First, your parents left the country for a business trip. Leaving you under the care of a complete stranger. Who checked on you two times a day. For the rest of the day, they were doing their own business. And don't pick up the phone.

Your parents left a thirteen-year-old you on your own!

Thankfully, with a few bucks from Fitzgerald and a death glare from Fukuzawa, your 'babysitter' left. You were under BSD Cast care now.

Second, your jokes are concerning. Dazai isn't a hypocrite, he admits, that he jokes about ending his own life! When he and others heard your jokes, back in their world, Dazai was sure that it was his bad influence. But, it turns out, the truth was much darker.

Dazai stopped joking about suicide. He didn't want to worsen your condition even more.

Third, the scratches on your legs.

You scraped your knee a few days ago, and Yosano bandaged it. And she saw this strange marks on your legs. Scratches. Deep. Dazai had a feeling, that you were the one, who made them.

Dazai was worried about you. He wanted to help you.

_______

With each day, it became harder and harder for you to pretend to be happy.

BSD Cast makes sure of that.

They weren't rude. They didn't yell. They... were there.

Asking if you need help. Telling you, that you are allowed to cry. That they will always be there for you.

You wanted to tell them everything. To tell the truth.

But, the call from your father happened.

_____

"Why your voice shaking, [Y/N]? Are you being a brat again?"

"I...I..."

"You're a little ungrateful... You want to make our lives hard?! Did you like it?! You know what, fine! If you didn't want to be there so badly, then d[|||||||||||||||]! See, if your mother and I will cry."

The call ended.

And you were broken.

______

It was dinner time. And you were uncharacteristically silent. No laughter. No jokes. No questions. No talking about your day. Nothing.

Then in the middle of the dinner, you start humming the song. Song, that they heard you humming all the time.

But your eyes were empty.

Dazai carefully touch your shoulder.

"[Y/N], kiddo? Are you alright?"

You slowly nodded. An empty grin appears on your face.

"I am! I am fine... I am happy! I...I can even sing a song!"

BSD Cast looked at each other. Dazai carefully spoke.

"A song?"

You nodded, taking your phone. You quickly found an instrumental.

"Yes! Want to hear it?"

You didn't wait for his, or anyone's response, you pressed play button. The song started playing from the middle.

A cheerful melody start playing.

Soon you sang.

"I shall now accept the fact that I'm a failure (You're a failure). 'Cause I'm still afraid the future might be scarier (It is scarier). I'll slip while having fun and cut off my own tongue. They'll think I was dumb!"

The grin on your face and empty gaze was frightening. Everyone slowly stand up from the table. Fukuzawa took a step towards you.

"[Y/N], if something is wrong, please..."

You ignored him.

"Up from the sky, I won't want you to cry. So here's an act for everyone to sneer at"

Suddenly, you stand up and star jumping up and down.

"So sing along, it's such a silly song. The cackling carousel, it spins and never stops. The acrobat who's waiting at the top. Should do a circus hop!"

You let out a hysterical laughter.

Mom and dad won't cry. No one would care. You can't be happy. You didn't feel anything. No one would care.

"I've said goodbye, I don't want you to cry. So have a laugh with everyone but me"

You were now standing in the middle of the room. You didn't pay attention to BSD Cast. To their pleas to talk to them.

The only thing that matters to you was the open window.

Quick.

You made a dash towards the window. For some reason, you still sang.

You forced yourself to sing. Like this song gave you strength.

"So sing along, it's such a silly song. The cackling carousel, it spins and never stops. The acrobat who fell off from the top. They did a little drop!"

Right before you grab the window's handle, something heavy crushed against you.

You fall down on the floor.

Dazai was pinning you to the floor, making sure, that you can't move.

Something wet fall on your face. You looked up.

Dazai was crying. With shaking hands, he hugged you.

BSD Cast surrounded you. You were in a group hug.

"[Y/N]! Never, never do it again! Kiddo..."

"[Y/N]! Are you hurt? Do you need medical help?"

"First thing tomorrow we are going to the therapist... No! I will find the therapist right now! There must be someone working right now!"

Tears. They were worried about you. They were crying for you.

For the first time since Granny's death, you cried.

"I... I am so scared! After Granny died, I was so alone! Mom and Dad weren't home! They didn't answer my questions about Granny! One day... I just stopped to care about the future. I was afraid of future! Live became so hard! I didn't feel anything... I just want it to end! I want to..."

You didn't finish your sentence and sobbed, hiding your face in Dazai's chest.

Dazai's words were warm. His voice was still shaky.

"You are not alone, [Y/N]... We will be there. I will be there."

_____

For the next few days, you were constantly under supervision. BSD Cast make sure, that you don't have any access to sharp things, medicine, windows.

You start attending therapy. What surprised you the most, that Dazai were attending it with you.

"I will be a bad big brother, if I don't act as an example."

Your parents were fired. Fitzgerald pressed charges about neglect and abuse.

You don't know how, but Fitzgerald adopted you almost instantly.

You had a long way ahead of you.

But you know, you will be better.

Because, one time, you finally thought about your future. And you were waiting for this future to come.

____

¹ Modifications of "Eysenck's Personality Test" for Teens is used to diagnose suicidal behavior.

²Modification of "Sacks Sentence Completion Test, SSCT" is used to diagnose suicidal behavior of teens and children.

³ One of the test, that is used by psychologists in Russia.

#self-awarebsd #self-awareau #bungou stray dogs au #bsd #bungou stray dogs #bsd anime #bsd x gender neutral reader #gender neutral reader #platonic #self aware dazai osamu #dazai osamu x reader #dazai x reader #bsd dazai #bungou stray dogs dazai #platonic Dazai #tw: sucidal thoughts

[adoristsposts]

growing up is | quinn hughes

author's note; i love a hughes boy and i love a ruel song. also my keyboard has a wonky r key right now. pls bare with me and any spelling mistakes because of it. summary; in which quinn has a hard time coming to terms with the road your relationship has taken. inspired by growing up is ___ by ruel. word count;warnings; angst, mentions of drinking & smoking, mentions of sex. characters; quinn hughes x reader

Heard you moved out of town on the weekend. Understand, but I'm sad that you're leaving. Are you up making friends with the ceiling? Yeah, I know the feeling

Quinn wondered if his brother could hear his frown down the phone. He held it to his ear, refraining from a grimace as Jack described how he had just helped you move out of you first apartment. The one Quinn had helped you pick out.

I wasn't trying to let you down, I was just working my shit out. I'm sorry I didn't know how much I led you on

He could remember where your friendship had stuttered, becoming complicated and messy and unbearable. You had wanted so much more than he could give you. He blamed himself. Hockey was his life, and he had chosen his passion for it over any hope of a life with you.

Growin' up is weird, sleep with friends, break a heart

The two of you had first slept together on a Saturday night. Jack had friends 'round to hang about the firepit and Quinn was facing a self-imposed confinement to his room because of it. You, however, were his biggest opponent in that. He could hear you laughing, howling with delight. After an hour of sitting thee, waiting for you to start sulking that he wasn't there, he finally left his room. Only to loiter in the kitchen for a few minutes, but it was enough. Before long you were holding a quiet conversation with him. It only took an hour or two for the older boy to escort you back to his bedroom.

Question everything you thought

The one night stand had left his head spinning. He was far too infatuated with you. You lingered on his sheets and clothes, and he couldn't step foot in his bedroom or even glance at the clothes you had helped him discard without thinking of you. It wasn't long before it happened again. He never realised that his interest in you could spiral this far.

Split a pill, smoke a dart. Growin' up is weird, fall in love for a year

He lit up with Luke months later, the off season giving them a rare opportunity to partake in the regular activities of older brother corruption. And as Luke's faced twisted as he tried to hold the smoke in, he said "So, when are you two going to admit you're in love?" "Shut up." Quinn laughed. He reached over and plucked the blunt from Luke's fingers. "We're basically just fuck buddies." He clarified, taking a long draw of it and then rudely blowing the smoke back into his brother's face. "For like, a year." Luke pointed out. Quinn just shook his head, and so the younger boy laughed "Fine! Call it what you want. We all see how you two look at each other."

And then I disappear, wish that you were here

The conversation had really thrown him off. Quinn was now hyperaware of how he treated you. He was blowing you off, ignoring your texts. He wasn't in love with you. Definitely not. Probably not. The distance was affecting him. He spent practices wondering if you were thinking of him and games wondering if he would catch you in the crowd. He was distracted and it was throwing him off. He didn't miss the looks from his teammates. He knew he either had to call it off officially or go crawling back to you.

Growin' up is strange, get too close, push away, thinking you would do the same. New regrets, new mistakes

For a while, Quinn chose the second option. It was just sex. Right? That's what he told himself at the club with you, his brothers, and some of their friends. You had brought some of your own, chatting away happily. Quinn only noticed your distraction because he was playing his game on how long it lasted. He needed to show himself you weren't all he wanted anymore. One day you would find someone and decide your fuck buddy status was discardable. He needed to know he could still play when that happened, still live. So he picked a girl and before long his tongue was down her throat. He felt giddy with alcohol and guilt, especially so when he turned to see your back as your friends escorted a crying you out of the club.

Growin' up is strange when the one who's to blame is lookin' at the mirror, wish that you were here.

He needed a haircut. It was shaggy and dishevelled and he didn't have you to carefully trim the edges when it annoyed him anymore. Of course the thought only enraged him more as he looked at himself in the mirror. His jaw locked as he saw the physical proof of how far he had fallen since fucking it all up. He covered the mirror with a towel and booked an appointment at a barber's shop.

Get emotional at two in the morning, it's a habit, know I shouldn't be callin'. Then you let me in, is that what you wanted? Is this what we wanted?

A tough game finally breaks him. He should have been asleep, exhausted from the physical and mental work he had put in for his team. Instead he's dialling your number. To be safe he had deleted your contact, but those 10 digits were engrained in his head. When you picked up your voice was raspy with sleep. "Quinn?" "Hey." He breathed out happily. "Trev's sleeping, what's up?" He paused. "Trev? As in Trevor?" He questioned. Jack's friend, his friend, player on the team he had played days ago. "Yeah uh- I thought Jack had told you. Sorry." "Oh no, he did. Don't worry. I just uh..." He bit back the tears. The lie rolled off his tongue easier than it should've. He racked his brain for an excuse. "Tough game?" You filled in for him. "I watched. I'm sorry, Q." He held back a curse. "Yeah uh. Thanks. We should catch up." "Sure." And then the two of you fell silent. There were quiet snores on your side of the phone and Quinn was hit with the harsh reality 'Trev's sleeping' meant he was sleeping next to you. "Think we can plan it in the morning?" You said. He was reminded of all the times you would say that smilingly to him about breakfast, or how he was going to sneak you out of his room without his family noticing. "Yeah. Yeah, sure."

Now you're back in town, no, I can't come around. Are we better without the what if's and doubts. Is this it? Are we both too far gone to forget, and try again?

"Quinn? Are you listening?" Jack asked. Quinn snapped out of his thoughts about the phone call you two had shared less than a week ago. "Yeah, sorry, go on." "Anyways," Jack began again, "the two of them are having a house warming next week. Since you're in town you should come." "I don't know, Jack." Quinn sighed. "She asked if I would ask you." Oh. You wanted him there.

Oh-oh, bet I'll just disappear. Oh, will I just disappear? Wish that you were here. Growing up is

But he was too old now, a year and a half between when your relationship had started with fiery passion and clashing teeth. "I have practice, I think." He lied. "But you can tell them I'm happy for them."

#nhl #nhl fic #vancouver canucks #quinn hughes #quinn hughes fic #adoristsposts #trevor zegras #jack hughes

[delanceyposting]

Hi guys heres some of my delancey brothers hcs while i take a break from Drawing because i have So many. Grammar may not be the best because irdc rn. Tws for child and spousal ab*se, s/h

•oscar is the older brother (18-19) and morris is the younger brother (17-18)

•their father was ab*sive towards them, and also abused their mother.

•they dumped them at the refuge when they were 7/8, where they stayed until they were about 14/15 before ending up with Wiesel. You may be wondering; how did they end up with Wiesel? The answer is that i have not thought that through yet.

•Wiesel pities them. He still treats them like his employees rather than his nephews, but hes a lot less harsh on them than others.

•theyre highly affectionate with eachother in private (cuddling/holding hands/etc) (NOT IN A WEIRD WAY)

•they sleep in a bed together, and they cant sleep without the other next to them. It started in the refuge when Morris would climb into Oscars bunk in the middle of the night. The rest is history

•they get anxious when theyre apart for long periods of time

•morris hates other people (except for Oscar ofc) touching him. Whenever someone tries to sling their arm around his shoulder or pat him on the back he physically recoils.

•oscar is incredibly protective of Morris and will beat the shit out of someone if they hurt him bad enough

•oscar only allows himself to be emotionally vulnerable around morris

•morris calls Oscar ‘Ossie’

•oscar reads to morris at night. Its not that he cant read himself, but he likes when oscar does it more.

•oscar is more emotionally closed off than his brother. Morris is more likely to be the one to say “i love you” first or instigate any form of affection (again, NOT IN A WEIRD WAY. THIS IS BROTHERLY AFFECTION)

•morris has a history of self harm (bashing his head into/punching walls, purposely getting into fights and then letting them soak him, picking at his skin)

•morris is covered in cuts and bruises, oscar also has some but not as many as his brother

•they carry shivs around with them. They hardly ever have to use them, considering they use their fists most of the time, but its jic

•morris is more noticeably dependent on oscar, but in actuality, oscar is more dependent on him.

•oscar takes it as his obligation as Morris’ big brother to look after him

•morris can read oscar like an open book

•oscar has mild ocd, morris has an anxiety disorder

•abandonment/trust issues.

•theyre both aromantic (possibly demiromantic in certain context but theyd have to trust them a LOT)

•theyre not frequent smokers, but theyll split a cigar once in a while

•they like to play card games and billiards in their free time

•hes not an expert, but morris can play simple piano pieces

•morris can also sew. He mends all of their clothes.

Thats all i can think of right now, but i may edit this post later on if i think of anymore. Enjoy Delancey Nation

#the delancey brothers #morris delancey #oscar delancey #newsies #livesies #newsies headcanons #newsies live #toursies

[fayesdiary]

hmm hmmmmmm.......Rhea, Veyle, and Faye for the character ask game!

Rhea

1) how much I like their personality

WTEGDGFSFDYDGFFG

I adore her. She's my fav 3H character by far. Just this mix of sweet and awkward and kind but with a boatload of trauma and repressed rage... She's the bestest <3

2) how much I like their design/aesthetics

Her archbishop outfit is great (although what is up with those hips. She barely has enough space to fit her organs), and general design is super pretty!

Also her Seiros outfit is 😳

3) how interesting I think they are

GOD. I feel like I could talk about her for hours if you caught me in the right mood. I want to inspect her with a microscope.

4) how well-written I think they are

As a character? Wonderfully, but her treatment in the story leaves a LOT to be desiered, often shoved to the background and generally getting treated like crap by the narrative for an alleged main character.

Also fuck everything about the SS endgame.

5) (if applicable) how much I like their mechanics in-game

her CF fight is pain and her SS one is pure agony

6) if I think they are a Good Person(tm)

For the most part, yes! It's clear all her actions were done with good intent (albeit a bunch of them were questionable but still, never cruel), and I think it's important to note that her vicious side only comes in regards to the man who literally committed genocide towards her kin or when she's being violently having her trauma of said man triggered.

Hell, her burning of Firdhiad is pretty much her lowest point and even then it only comes after she's being violently triggered and blamed for everything over and over. She's pretty much gone insane by that point and for damn good reason. Also you know, it's all your fault.

Veyle

1) how much I like their personality

BABY. She's the cutest but also constantly wracked with guilt and shame about being a Fell Dragon.

2) how much I like their design/aesthetics

I love her Somniel outfit and her evil outfit absolutely slays, but while I really like her main outfit since it's fluffy I hate her collar and ankle chains.

3) how interesting I think they are

A whole lot! Her relationship with Alear is the best, in typical younger FE sister fashion she's a lot stronger than she seems (they literally had to brainwash her into compliancy and even then it didn't work all that well), her guilt over her evil self's action (on top of just being a Fell Dragon period). Also she has a knack for making (magical?) trinkets and she lived on her own wandering around Elyos for quite a while, so :D

4) how well-written I think they are

The brainwashing/evil personality part is a bit iffy as always in FE plots, but other than that? She's great!

Something that keeps suprising me about FE writing is that while they're not... the best at writing female characters somehow they keep hitting the spot with writing younger sisters.

5) (if applicable) how much I like their mechanics in-game

She's a lot of fun! Her personal tome and dagger are great and her personal skills are quite useful :D

6) if I think they are a Good Person(tm)

Definitely! She's an absolute sweetheart, but at the same time I love the hc that her evil self is actually a part of her albeit exaggerated and twisted by Zephia and not just a personality that came out of nowhere. Doesn't help I'm playing Persona 4 right now.

Faye

..fun fact, do you know she actually got on Top 200 of CYL8? I'm genuinely shocked.

1) how much I like their personality

I really like it, mainly in the sense her obsession is portrayed negatively for once. I've seen a bunch of fans trying to "fix" her by toning down and/or removing her obsession with Alm, but I always loved more the angle of keeping it while pointing out how toxic and self-destructive it is and having her slowly grow out of it.

2) how much I like their design/aesthetics

Peak. Perfection. Immaculate. Well except maybe the lack of freckles, but that's why I draw her with them ;)

3) how interesting I think they are

It may be mainly due to projecting and overanalizing, but god. Soo much. Her trauma and horrible coping mechanisms, her huge trouble making friends and socializing with strangers, her fondness for Celica, her clinginess and yearning for both a place to belong and to return to the good old days at Ram...

Also she's a bisaster. It's totally canon trust me

4) how well-written I think they are

Hahaha... oh, terribly.

I'm not gonna pretend the writers ever saw her as anything more "the girl with an unhealthy unrequited obsession towards the protagonist we're apparently contractually obligated to put in almost every game". Like, I'm pretty sure all of her small nuances you can find if you start digging were an accident, and considering how she gets flanderized outside of Echoes, I'm almost certain that's the case.

(speaking of, the sole fact they managed to flanderize her holy shit)

5) (if applicable) how much I like their mechanics in-game

GOD I LOVE THEM. All of the effort they didn't put into writing her they put into her gameplay mechanics because they portray her SO WELL.

The fact she loses avoid when supporting Alm, her higher then average growths hinting at the fact she's trying desperately hard, her unique spells as a Cleric being either a way to ignore distance (Physic to heal from afar, Rescue to get someone literally close to her) and Anew, the only form of a Dancer you get in Echoes, costing so much HP portraying her self-destructive behavior in an attempt to be useful.

Just... screams

6) if I think they are a Good Person(tm)

Yeah... I'd be lying if I said yes.

She's a lot better than people claim she is, but still, between the obsession towards Alm and general (albeit potentially accidental) rudeness towards strangers and... less-than-stable state of mind, she's far from the greatest person to be around.

Still, she can be pretty sweet when she wants to, she apologized to Silque and actually accepted Alm's rejection which oh my god why do people keep claiming she's a yandere when she's actually capable of hearing no as an answer, and also she's unflinchingly loyal to her loved ones!

#ask replies #loregoddess #fire emblem #fe16 spoilers #fe17 spoilers #rhea #veyle #faye #my rambles #answering this ask after what feels like forever yay!

[dearmahiru]

Hiii :3 For the Milgram ask game: 5, 14, 19 for Mahiru and 9, 12, 16 for Shidou?

omg hi hi hello hello :3c

5. favorite voice drama line/moment?

Mahiru: Kotoko-chan’s acts aren’t a problem, either. I think she’s fighting for her own cause as well. So I don’t blame her. Because I also think that I… that my love isn’t wrong. I don’t want to be shamed for my love.

Mahiru: Yeah. Es-kun, you’re working so hard… You’re doing great. Es: …! Mahiru: …Oh my… are you crying? Es-kun… Es: I’m not! Mahiru: You’re putting up a tough front.

(*kicking, crying, sliding down the wall dramatically, banging my head on the wall, ripping my hair out, screaming, punching air, rolling in dirt, eating sand angrily*)

i am so normal about this :) i expected mahiru's second voice drama to lean in thick on guilt-tripping and having mahiru be bitter but no. not only does she not get angry but instead she just forgives everyone involved. what the actual fuck

14. any headcanons on their appearance?

went :0 when i saw this question and went to go finish this little edit i was working on! i really really love the idea of mahiru having tan skin and her being a gyaru when she was a younger. i was actually hoping to make some blasian edits for the milgram cast (since i'm blasian!) but i'm a bit worried about being sent hate </3

19. what do you think their childhood/teenage years were like?

well you see (*shuffles through seven pages worth of self-projection*) it all started when she was born─

kidding kidding! i imagine that, during her years at an all-girls school, mahiru was apart of a popular clique but felt detached from them because they often took advantage of her. coupled with her sheltered upbringing, depression, and insecurities, this manifested in her strong desire to feel and give love to someone.

i also like to think teenage mahiru's hair was a little bit longer!

9. do you forgive/not forgive their crime on its own?

oh god this is another hard one─ um. i feel like if i was asked this about a real life person then my initial reaction would be, "this should not be my business." it feels so deeply personal to the people involved in the case that my input would feel grossly inappropriate.

i will say yes if only because it was for love. because, if asked if you could forgive someone's murder if it was out of a love, wouldn't you naturally want to forgive them? shidou's entire case is so messy but if i forgive mahiru for her twisted perspective of love that hurt people then i can surely forgive shidou. though, i do understand why someone else wouldn't be able to forgive him.

12. what do you wish would be discussed more often about them in the fandom?

hm, i'm not quite sure if there's any more discussions to mine? out of all of the characters i think shidou's treated mostly fairly, just plagued with the organ harvesting theory and amane discourse.

i personally would love to see more discussions about mahiru and shidou's parallels! i adore the similarities between fuuta and mu, so it saddens me that i don't know enough about shidou's character to draw the same for shidou/mahiru. if anyone wants to enlighten me i'd be thrilled!

OH AND THE JACK THE RIPPER REFERENCE IN HIS NAME!! it's very funny to me he's the only character who, to my knowledge, references an serial killer. buddy my bud are you good.

16. how do you think they actually sing in regular life?

boooring answer i imagine his voice would be similar, he'd just be more amateurish and hit the same notes as easily. i love this question though because it popped up the image in my head of shidou being taken to a mixer and awkwardly trying to do karaoke.

#sorry this took so long to answer!! i wasn't feeling good o7 #thank you for the ask <3 #♡. cinnamon lovemail

[grox-empire]

are there any non Grox Daybreak characters? Spore has some wack designs, both in game and user created so I think it’d be a missed opportunity if we didn’t see something like Bean at some point

Yes, Plenty of them! Mostly of my own creation. I just mostly draw my Grox characters as they're the main focus of the story as well as the species I am most attached to. Most non-grox characters will be made as the story needs them.

One prominent non-grox character who plays a very significant role in the story is Admiral Xuri'ya. After Celeste crash-lands on Cazzolia, Her species's capital planet, She is taken into a lab to be studied and later disposed of. Xuri'ya sees a lot of her younger self in Celeste and initially begins with giving her things to entertain herself, later deciding to take things into her own hands and sneak her out of the facillity to live with her because she disliked how Celeste was being treated. It's far more complicated than that, But that's a basic explanation.

From then on she acts as Celeste's mother figure, And later a mother figure to the entire trio.

This is the only up-to-date image I have of her. She's based on the first spore captain I ever made and play as and is about as old as daybreak itself. I just don't really draw her often due to the fact I find her extremely hard to draw + Don't have an up-to-date design of her yet.

There's also plenty of Payer and Bean cameos in the background of larger art pieces of mine!

The anthro payer here is a character that Celeste made up and doodles sometimes. As for the bean plush Epsilon dressed it up because he thought it'd be funny.

Aaaand this drawing I made where she's straight up holding a Payer. I need to redraw it next year.

There's also... Of course... Steve! Well, My personal take on him, Of course. Which is so far removed from the original that I just consider him an OC with a similar name and concept.

Here's him and Celeste having a tea party!

What species is he? I won't reveal, That's for you to find out. But if you've looked at some of my previous (now highly outdated) worldbuilding posts you may be able to guess correctly >:)

#Grox answers #spore #spore 2008 #daybreak tag

[bihansthot]

Oh look! More late night writing! I didn’t get around to drawing ship stuff but I did find a poly one so I will work on that tomorrow but in the meantime have some Tomas x Hallvard head canons! I know no one really cares about my OC but I did promise y’all I would write these anyway so I did! Questions are from ask games, please feel free to ask me any you might have about well anything MK! Especially anything Lin Kuei! It’s my favorite thing to write about well them and Syzoth 🥺

Describe their first date.

Hallvard and Tomas’ first date was a very simple lunch date. It really wasn’t much of a first date as they didn’t go anywhere and do anything but they did sneak off away from Bi-Han and Kuai Liang to have lunch alone. Hallvard was the one who asked Tomas out after confiding in his closest ally, Bi-Han, and asking his advice on what to do. Bi-Han had suggested lunch together as they were all still quite young and not yet allowed in the village at the base of the temple. At first Tomas had no idea why Hallvard wanted to have lunch alone with him but after the younger boy confesses his feelings Tomas pieces things together. He doesn’t return Hallvard’s feelings right away though, Tomas doesn’t know how he feels about men, women or anyone for that matter but he was flattered his friend was so interested. He continues to have lunch with Hallvard and he too goes to Bi-Han for help sorting out his feelings, it’s rough being the oldest and most experienced of the bunch; and gradually realizes while he likes men and women but he also likes Hallvard as more than a friend.

How often do they say “I love you”?

Hallvard is more lovey dovey and more affectionate in general than Tomas is and he often tells Tomas he loves him. For Tomas it’s usually reserved for leaving on a dangerous mission and coming home from one. It’s not that Tomas doesn’t love Hallvard he’s just not as talkative as Hallvard is, Hallvard is quite boisterous and an open book so there’s no hiding anything for him. Hallvard is totally a Golden Retriever boyfriend and showers Tomas in words of affection and attention to the point it gets embarrassing for Tomas. Especially when Bi-Han parrots Hallvard in order to tease Tomas, Bi-Han might be a good older brother and might be supportive of their relationship but that doesn’t mean he’s not going to tease both of them mercilessly.

How do they keep in contact when they’re apart? Do they write letters, talk on the phone, or simply wait out the time?

Technology is not huge for the Lin Kuei in this timeline (or at least it doesn’t appear to be) so they communicate by carrier pigeons and other birds. Hallvard often sends frivolous birds with sweet little messages like “miss you”, “love you”, “thinking of you” while Tomas sends practical messages like “here are my coordinates”, “target sighted” and “target terminated”. Every so often though on long missions Tomas will give into Hallvard’s affectionate messages and send him similar ones in return. Tomas definitely does better with separation than Hallvard does.

How do they care for each other when one of them is wounded/sick?

Being professional thieves and assassins both men spend a lot of time injured and both have a very good knowledge of how to treat said injuries. Due to the nature of his powers being based largely on self inflicted wounds and being injured in general Hallvard is almost always in most need of care. Tomas has spent many a night not so happily stitching his boyfriend back up, he understands that Hallvard has to be injured to tap into his power but that doesn’t mean Tomas has to like it. He’s very tender and soft during these moments and is very meticulous when tending to Hallvard. Likewise Hallvard is just as attentive treating Tomas’ injuries but luckily Tomas doesn’t get injured very often. When Tomas got his nasty scar over his eye however he was so scared and terrified trying to treat it. He was so worried that his eye was permanently damaged and there was so much blood. Hallvard might have struggled pretty hard to hold back his panicked tears as he cleaned and dressed it and may have cries in the bathroom afterwards. He can be quite emotional for a big scary assassin.

Is their relationship a secret? If so, why?

Yes. Bi-Han and Kuai Liang know about their relationship but the rest of the Lin Kuei have no clue. People definitely have their suspicions but no one is stupid enough to start anything with the Grandmaster’s younger brother. Their relationship is primarily a secret because while homosexuality isn’t forbidden in the Lin Kuei it’s also not the normal. Tomas is also a relatively private person and would rather not announce to the world he and Hallvard are together, the people who are important to him know and that’s good enough for him. Hallvard on the other hand finds it hard not to let things slip and has almost called Tomas pet names in public hundreds of times. When he does screw up he plays it off and being a “foreign thing” he’s usually reasonably convincing but he has definitely gotten strange looks.

#mortal kombat #mk smoke #tomas vrbada #mk headcanons #hallvard breivik #tomas x hallvard #mk ocs #mk oc reaver #smoke x reaver #head canons #gay character #bi characters

[yanderefairyangel]

Do you think that the fandom is unable to see through 3H's aesthetic of deep because of a lack of critical analysis ?

Not so sure about this cause there is plenty of 3H analysis however, I would say that some of them don't really go in depth and that can lead them to miss some point. Like, recently there was one video focusing on Marianne, Bernie and Mercie. And while entertaining there was many things I felt disappointed not to here cause it's showing why despite the 3 being very good characters there is still something missing.

Take Marianne, for example. When talking about how Marianne sees herself as a monster because she bears the crest of Maurice, even though the video showed the dialogue of the paralogue... it never mentionned how Marianne fighting Maurice is her overcoming her demons. Maurice is the monster that made her feel so bad, self loathing, the being that made her feel non human, monstruous. Defeating him was freed Marianne from this alienating feeling. However is the one element that weaken this whole narrative : it's that Marianne's view on herself is not challenge. There is no character telling her that she isn't a monster, that her bloodline doesn't make her one, that she is her own self, that she shouldn't let her crest determine her, that she doesn't have to consider herself responsible for Maurice just because they happen to have a similar bloodline. In her paralogue, she brings up Miklan's transformation. That should be evidence enough, afterall in the Fodlan universe everyone is likely to have a crest passed on but anyway : if she Marianne is a monster because of her blood, so is the entierty of Fodlan because every living being has a bit of monstruosity inside of them. And it's not linked to blood, it's linked to human being able to do good as well as bad. Miklan turning into monster as nothing to do with the Crest (since he doesn't have any) so that should have been pointed out that even someone without a Crest can be a monster and in Miklan's case him turning literaly into a monster is more him embracing the appareance of the creature he was from the moment Sylvain was named the heir in his stead : a monster. He beat his younger brother and tried to kill him several times, treated people and women in particular worse then dirt, killed, stole etc. He was already a monster before he becae one. Marianne is nothing like that because of how sweet and kind she is yet no freaking body will tell her that she isn't a monster, that nothing about her is monstrous, that it is people who are stupid for judging her without trying to know her, so her defeating Maurice, her demons isn't about her realizing she was wrong this whole time... but that she was right, she was indeed a monster and defeating Maurice magically freed her... wow, that conclusion does leave a bitter taste in my mouth

In Mercie's case, the weak part is the fact that you actually need to have her support with Jeritza to know the full story... keep in mind it took a DLC to have Jeritza playable.

And Bernie... well, we all know what weakens Bernie's narrative and it's the fact that the game makes constantly fun of her trauma. I know people keep comparing Alcryst with her and boi can we stop because that's completely wrong ! The only thing Bernadetta and Alcryst have in common is dealing with self loathe. Alcryst is more social and he likes people, complete opposite of Bernie who hates socializing and refuse to leave her room. Alcryst's prime character trait is that he is protective so that actually draws the line with someone dealing with deep messed up psychological issue like Bernie, because Alcryst have the motivation to fight for his cause, to fight back, to express his anger when he is angry and most importantly, his self loathe is still shown as allowing Alcryst to have some benefit : that makes him appreciate people more and even help them dealing with this. Bernie isn't in that state at all and instead the game mocks her. This doesn't feel like a genuine laugh the character gets out of you, it feels like mocking trauma and rather ill spirited humor. So if anything that discourse that has the foundation of "Bernie is better written then Alcryst because her anxiety steems from trauma" can go burn into the deepest pit of the most deadly Volcano of Gradlon because her anxiety steeming from trauma weaken her character instead of strenghening it !

Which is another thing in 3H that people insist is good, every character has a trauma and NO. It's no the presence or lack of trauma that make a character good or deep, it's how the narrative handles it.

So I won't go as far as saying there is nothing deep about 3H (cause that's false) but stuff like that can easliy get overlooked when you don't think about what's presented on screen and most of the time 3H deals with such heavy subject you can drowned into it without thinking about the bigger picture "Ah yes man 3H is soo deep, it deals with trauma, elitism, racism, mental illness" ok, sure, but how does it handle it ?

#fire emblem #fire emblem three house

[mmollymercury]

Character ask game: Bruno

BRUNITO!! HERE WE GO BABYYYY

⚧ - Pronoun hc: he/him.

🏳️‍⚧️- Gender hc: a cissy male,, but I also like the hc that he's trans (AFAB)💖

🏳️‍🌈- Orientation hc: asexual aromatic 😭✊

🌌- zodiac sign hc: I think the triplets were all born on October 17th, the start of the thousand day's war. So he's a Libra ♎💖💖

🧠- MBTI/Enneagram hc: legit had to google this, its that personality test with all the funky letters... honestly its too complex for my little brain and I think Bruno would say the same, he'd probably say something like: I don't know! Urm... I guess I have average personality *awkward smile*

❤- OTP hc: Bruno & himself 🥰🫂🫂

🧡- Everyone I ship with this character: ...😶

💛- Brotp: the FAB trio! Otherwise known as: Bruno, Félix and Agustín 🥰

💚- Notp: just... basically anything that's romantic 😭

💙- Crossover ship: Bruno and the onceler- jk NOONE-

💜- Crossover non-ship relationship I like: I'm not really big into crossovers (excluding Roger Rabbit, of course🐰) but I've seen some cute art of Bruno and Hector from coco interacting, so them🥰

📖- AU I'd like to see them in: Love me a good modern AU. I always smile at the idea of Bruno watching ratatouille after coming out the walls and being absolutely GLUED to the TV😭😭

❤🩹- Angsty hc: I love projecting onto my favourite characters, so Bruno has: OCD (this was basically confirmed so YAY! SO HAPPY 🥰🥰), that can be debilitating; an eating disorder, heart palpitations and a tendency to self harm. I mean, he hits his head as a compulsion, as someone who does that too, I can confirm that it is a form of self punishment. Yeah, not fun. And... come on, he was bullied in school, look at him-

💖- Happy hc: HAPPY THINGS! Bruno is an artist, fight me, he excelled at all the creative subjects in school. Hes best uncle😤😤😤 hes like the fun, doesn't shout, laid back uncle and all the kids love him. He loves his little rat babies and coddles them to an insane degree, to the point where Pepa and Julieta are like: are we bad parents/ hj-

😋- Funny/stupid hc: He can be very agile at the weirdest times but hellishly clumsily the rest of the time, I have an image in my head THAT IVE WANTED TO DRAW FOR THE LONGEST TIME, of when he was still the 🌟golden child🌟 and gave an amazingly good vision to this guy, Alma wanted to capture the moment in a picture: so she stands behind him, looking proud, hands on his shoulders, he's smiling all big while holding up the vision and the guy who got it, is standing next to him with a thumbs up... but Bruno’s teeth are like FUCKED UP because a few weeks previously he went flying into a wall and several of them fell out-

🪞- Appearance hc: not sure what to say since we all know what this man looks like... but I do hc him as having really bad acne scars in school, so much so that you can still see some of them.

🥖- Food hc: like I said... he's got eating issues but ignoring that- I think he's generally a bit fussy with his meals (I'm projecting again😶)and has been since he was young, Alma definitely worried over it😫 GIVE THIS WOMAN A BREAK- but I think he favoured salty things and soft meat/ things that don't have a tough consistency.

🛌- Sleep hc: he has sleeping issues ESPECIALLY after years of having to sleep in a chair. But now that he has a bed again, as soon as his back hits that flat soft surface, he's out like a light🥺🥺

🏡- Domestic hc: everyone agrees with this but I'm saying it again! His sisters fuss over him so much and treat him like he's years younger than them❤ Alma too. And for most of his life, he was called "Brunito" by his family, he was only really called "Bruno" if he was in trouble😭

🗡- Badass hc- we all know he'll do anything for his family, he's so selfless, honestly whats more badass than that? He definitely pretended to curse people if they threatened them, being mean to him is okay... but speaking to his family like they owe you something? You're dead.

❓- Anything else you want: hmm hmmmmm,,, what else??? That he gets sick often, always has but now moreso, his family are here to help tho!😭💖💖😫😫😫

#encanto #encanto headcanons #bruno madrigal #ask game #this took so long to do #😭😭 #but it was fun! #thanks for the ask! #💖💖💖💖

[unilightwrites]

writeblrs intro - the show is starting

Hi there! I'm Helen, the mind behind Unilight Writes - a blog I wanted to get out to actually do something with my writing. I think I'll be treating this as a safe space to motivate me to get the things I imagine out of my head and onto paper. Or a screen I guess. Semantics. Now, the last time I used Tumblr was years back when I was very much an angsty teen - I feel kind of confused and out of place but I hope to find a curious community here! And maybe send bullshit asks my friends' way. But hush. ANYHOW, not to drone on any longer - I enjoy and plan to work on some things during my... uh... stay? Yeah, let's roll with stay.

I'd love to share ideas and concepts that rattle around my brain with you all! I'm always up for discussions and questions, maybe some practice in going Random Bullshit, Go!. I'm looking for inspiration, whether it be phrasing, art, other creative expression or simply reading through works of storytellers. Gods only know how exhaustive is creativity. Characters. Just, characters. Making them alive, making them lovable or deserving of hate, evoking emotion through the creation of their mind. WORLDBUILDING. Don't get me even started! drafting and coming up with scenarios and little details for the worlds inside our heads is simply one of the best things ever. The dreaded word - WIP. I intend to share or showcase bits and pieces of my work that are stuffed so deep inside my mental closets that it's even deeper than I was before coming out. Anyhow - ill be leaving it out for you lot, whether you want it or not. That's my hubris right there, the true purpose of Unilight Writes Some general things about me: - I've always wanted to write and bring forward the stories of my imagination - but I think that to be a common thing among us here. Why write if you have nothing to say, why write if you don't want to. I did some writing when I was younger but I gave it up to focus more on school work. Guess what! school is not in the picture for the time being so here I go, doing what I love once again! - I'm rekindling a lot of old flames here. I started reading for pleasure again (right now I'm going through Memoirs of Lady Isabella Trent, a great pick for anyone who enjoys dragons and women in science, but make it victorian!) and relearned how to entertain the imagination in my head. I'd die for a nice fantasy book but I'm not that big on sci-fi. Anything in fantasy -low, high, medium, medieval, modern, whatever. Unless we're talking SJM, I'm out the second there is harp music in my spicy scenes. - I'm pretty interested in random Wikipedia bullshit, researching nonsense topics, and drawing inspiration from folklore and cultures I have yet to fully experience. - Music-wise I'm bordering all subgenres of folk - indie, rock, alt. Anything is fair game, to be honest - I'm all for DnD. If you play it? Amazing. If you don't? Welcome to my table, young one, lets's go on an adventure. I love how expressive it is and the degree of creativity you can have around it. - I'm trying to learn cardistry. Honestly, I'm rather shit at it but I'm doing my best and it's absolutely exhilarating. Doing all those little card tricks and shuffles is a great way to actually let my mind wander and come back with solutions instead of panic. - I absolutely ADORE piercings and tattoos, they're the main part of my everyday aesthetic (plus, if you have a nice sketch of a duck in a burglar outfit that's stealing a pack of cigarettes, please please hit me up, I want that tattooed) - I use she/they pronouns and consider myself queer - putting a label has helped me a lot in the early parts of my self-actualization but now I'm just as confused as back then and I can't be bothered to do anything about it. Now, seeing as all three pre-play rings did their thing - lets have a seat and glance upon the absolute bastard of a child my brian came up with: "The Grand Circus" It's currently my one and only work in progress. It's very much still in the preliminary steps of development, but it's there! The novel will follow the life of Varadia - a person living in a world filled to the brim with magickal creatures taken from a fair share of different cultures and belief systems. Ever since being a wobbly child, she wanted to join the Grand Circus - a troupe of travelling artists that showcase all around the continent. And now after years of self-training, she will get the chance to audition. But as always, there are a lot of political intrigues and people being not quite who they seem to be. With a double layer to everything, she'll have to navigate a wide world she hasn't seen before, alone save for her newfound family - other performers

#my writing #writeblr #creative writing #writing community #writebrl #writeblr intro #my wips #introducing myself #writeblrs introduction #writing

[existingispetty]

Hi! I was wondering if I could get a Tokyo revengers and haikyuu matchup? Thank you🖤🖤

She/her

Male preference

Gemini Sun scorpio moon Virgo rising

Personality: INTJ 3w4. I tend to act very arrogant and cocky as a defense mechanism. I don't like being vulnerable with people because it's not their job to worry about my problems. I come across very calm and collected and people rely on me for advice but can't let myself depend on anyone. I'm really analytical and am good at finding loopholes and working around problems under pressure. I'm not good with emotional support and can come across a little cold because of that. Under everything I think I'm very kind but feel like I burden people with my presence a lot of times. I'm a very eye for an eye perso and the way I treat people entirely depends on how they treat me. I'm not that expressive (outwardly at least because I'm actually really emotional I just hide it well) and have a hard time relaxing or enjoying things because I've been conditioned to always consider how it will look on mine and my family's reputation. I'm a perfectionist and hold myself to very high standards. I look intimidating but I'm actually just socially awkward and suck at small talk (because it seems kind of pointless to me). I also have a short temper but there's only certain specific people that can get me to actually lose my patience and explode. I don't cry or break down in front of people and people usually think I'm perfectly fine. I constantly chase perfection for myself and try to be the most idealized version of myself. I tend to act completely different in different situations because I know what personality is going to get me the best results and praise. It's exhausting but I'd be worse off if I didn't hold myself to these standards. In order for me to like or fall in love with someone I first have to actually have a certain level of respect for them which must be earned. In the “get to know" stage I subtly test the person a lot to see how they react or respond to certain things. It's like a test they don't know is happening but that will determine if our relationship is gonna go further. My love language is giving gifts but I'm not sure what my love language to receive is.

Hobbies/Likes: I love fashion and I've been a model since I was 14, I used to do pageants as a kid. I’ve also designed some of my own stuff and had a fashion show but I realized I was more into music than being a designer. I make my own music and music is probably the thing I love the most. It's really what I use to process the world so music is definitely the way to my heart. I can't play any instruments but I can sing and do digital music production. (I've always wanted to be in a rock band). I'm a good artist but I don't like doing it on a deadline (I took an AP art class back in high school and didn't draw for 2 years after it cuz I hated being forced to draw. It's like when something you like becomes a chore). I've gotten back into drawing recently tho. I've also been doing martial arts since I was 7 + fencing. I'm good at chess and poker and made money from playing/betting on games when I was younger. I also love reading and I’m a good writer.

Dislikes: Misogyny (when people especially men undermine my intelligence and experience and end up making a mistake I warned them about only to listen when another man repeats the same thing l've been saying since the beginning), big egos with nothing to back it up, people who can't keep up with me (I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone whose hand I have to hold all the time. They need to be on the same level/wavelength as me and not drag me down), being a coward and not standing up for your own beliefs/motives, people that are way too nice (whoever I end up with has to have a mean streak because it shows they are able to take action when needed), being self absorbed and not considering the consequences of your actions. People who have a moral superiority complex that think they're better than me for not wanting to break rules to get what they want. People who can't take responsibility for what they do (Everything I do is on purpose so even if it's a bad thing I'll admit to it because whatever happens as a result is no one's problem but my own). Although I will say there's sometimes an exception to these things depending on the person and situation. Personality wise I do not get along with ESFPS and INTPS. In my experience I find ESFPS too self absorbed and frankly just loud and annoying and INTPS seem so fearful no matter how much adobe I try to give they never take action. It's disappointing. A lot of INTPS I know also have that moral superiority complex that I mentioned.

Hello! Thank you very much for the ask but, I would like to mention that you already requested for a Tokyo Revengers matchup! Therefore I did haikyuu and not Tokyo Revengers. I do hope you enjoy it and have a good day/night!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

Your matchup is…(insert anti-climactic drum roll*)

Toru Oikawa

Both you and him have quite the similar morals and reasoning. Oikawa is very insecure about all his faults yet, he hides it underneath this confident mask. Oikawa isn’t big on people seeing the true him so he hates spilling emotions to others. Oikawa would be shock and very unhelpful if you were to spill out your troubles to him. I wouldn’t expect Oikawa to ask you for advice much to the the podium he has placed himself on. Oikawa may not praise rivals much but, those that are close to him get praised quite well actually.Oikawa is almost too expensive at times but he is constantly around those that don’t express emotions in the most normal of ways. Oikawa does constantly charm people around him both through smarts and looks.  High standards? Oikawa can most definitely relate. Oikawa is especially good at interacting with those that struggle to make conversation since he talk so much. Oikawa would defiantly notice you have a short temper therefore he would definitely be more well behaved around you. Oikawa is always worried for your well being but he always disregards his own when worrying over you. Oikawa is very patient when he actually finds someone that catches his eye. Oikawa may receive plenty of gifts from Fangirl but your gifts mean so much more to him.  

Oikawa models from time to time due to his volleyball steer.  Oikawa may be a little critical but he still loves to listen and give some of his opinion of his music. Oikawa can play many instruments found in an orchestra but he can also play a bit of drums and guitar. Oikawa loves to make very petty bets with any person that will agree. Oikawa has learned through experience that woman are just as  capable as men. Oikawas ego is very limited to people that doubt him and his abilities. Oikawa does sound like a pretty terrible guy on paper but once you get closer to him the ego talk and bragging goes down by a whole 99%.

#matchup #haikyuu!! #haikyuu matchups

[artbyeritza]

I hate my art.

I hate my art.

No one else does it like I do.

I think of the times

I could have been drawing

or writing

yet I slid back in to dangerous habits -

excessive self-isolation, crying and gaming.

With each distraction, I paralyze myself,

drowning in doubt

and more insecurity.

I often think of the artists who worked for the royals

and churches

from Europe to the Philippines,

who worked for the rich

and were never crippled in both poverty and this

black hole of dismay in their craft.

Oh, art comes easy these days.

With every insecure, older and small artists,

there is always a younger talent

that gets the publicity and praises.

I was born on the dawn of the first graphic tablets

ever to be made and witnessed.

By making my parents proud of my

high school grades, I secured one

and drew my heart out.

As a child, the artist likes to draw anything.

As a child, the writer writes about anything

with enthusiasm

yet the flames had been snuffed out.

Each artist is subjected to their environment

and it did not lead to the path of being

a professional.

Of course, I love art, but I loved a lot of things in life.

I loved history and the world

so I chose to study about my home continent, Asia.

It was a rich people's college degree

and none of my jobs after ever needed

what I learned from those 4 years.

I longed to use my knowledge and art to combine the two,

I just feel as though I am not talented enough

to enact it.

For a passion project so grand, I needed

support from more than just one person

in my life.

I still try to write about it

and draw

little by little.

I check social media,

with my multiple screens and accounts

and I froze.

I knew the numbers should not get me,

it still does, though

and my brain raced a thousand thoughts.

"That will never probably be my art."

I should have said this at the start

of this poem

that this is not argumentum ad passiones.

I spent most of my active artist days

wallowing in self-pity and convincing people

to like me and my art.

She was a child, immature and needy.

They are mostly okay now.

They found the remedy to not feeling enough

is to not care.

The side effect is that this has been my only proper art

for a while.

They had been "low-key" and almost content with their work

but they often wonder where the teen Filipino artist

had been.

The one who pulled through, opening their art commissions

twice

with not one person daring to ask about their art.

They, who witnessed a fellow small Filipino artist online

who treats art as an outlet for their struggle with depression

and suicidal tendencies and was bullied off the socials

for flooding other big artists' comment section

to get attention for their art.

Is the artist still alive?

I could have said something more

and comforted them.

At one point, they flooded the hashtags of local art community

with their self-harm.

Is the artist within them still alive?

There is some comfort in not knowing everything.

Sometimes, I think,

if artists of the old,

from heavens above,

to the pits of hell

look at us modern artists in the 21st century.

What do they see?

The career of an artist is still the same.

The artist gets paid with their craft.

It is downsized.

Artist rarely can earn enough on their own

to live comfortably.

Capitalism made artists hate each other

and their art.

Yes, you can doubt art, your art and others' art

and do things differently.

Not too differently,

because they will not pay for that.

Even the pursuit of self and individualism

is not a selling point anymore.

Even being a fan and drawing for it

will not feed you.

It will, if you lucked out.

If there has to be a jury or a crowd

to decide how many people liked

what I do,

then I still hate my art.

As an adult artist,

struggling right now

you just grew not to care.

I still hate my art,

there is just no eyes looking at me anymore.

My art would pull no Van Gogh.

My art is where I find the time in this world

to relate and transform something I find value

wherein the person does not.

I hate my art

yet I stare to see and feel all its glory.

It is an audience for one,

for me.

[bonny-kookoo]

Kind like you (JJK x Reader) 💜🔞☁️

Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x Reader

Genre: fluff/romance, smut, angst, comfort, friends to lovers

Warnings: kinda dense Jungkook, JK being a brat, slight Tsundere JK, Koo struggling to sort his shit, kind reader, Crush!Reader, soft smut, praising, groping, kissing, pool sex, aftercare, heart to heart convos, they talk about toys lol,

Summary: Jungkook dearly wants to be kind like you. He wants to be so sweet, and gentle, and soft like you’re with him all the time; yet all he does is tease and pick on you, it seems.

Jungkook isn’t kind.

He likes to portray himself as such, whenever it’s needed, but he’s unable to quite make this characteristic a part of himself truly. It’s not like he’s a bad person, not at all; he’s helpful, caring, and well mannered. But he’s mean, he finds it funny when he gets onto someone else’s nerves. It’s like playing a game for him; and he loves winning. He’s good at it; it’s natural for him.

Then there’s you. You’re even more awkward with strangers than he is (which says a lot), but you’re everything he wants to be. You’re so soft spoken, always seeming to know what exactly to say in any situation. You’re kind, always thinking about everyone around you before you think about yourself, typically asking everyone else’s opinion first before you make up your own. You don’t like it when people fight, you never get possessive over things like he does. It’s even the tiniest things to him that make you seem so goddamn angelic; like that one time he whined about the fact that you got the last pack of butter cookies, immediately taking one for yourself to stuff between those soft looking lips, before shyly giving him the rest of the pack- still almost full. He had taken them without thanking you. He thinks about these moments a lot. He wants to treat you like Jimin does whenever you two interact. He’s so sweet with you, easily complimenting you and making you blush with his words, always playfully holding you close without ever making you uncomfortable. It’s weird to Jungkook how much that pisses him off the most. Whenever he’s alone in a room with you, you look uncomfortable- but when it’s Jimin, or Taehyung, you seem at ease. You joke around, and hug them like it’s second nature, while at the same time, you can’t look him into his eyes at any point of time.

He hates it.

He’s talked to Yoongi about it, after he’s seen you leave his studio one day. He knows you sing, he’s heard your voice, has saved every single cover song you’ve made on his phone to listen to them whenever he needs to just shut off his mind and think about nothing. He wants to do a duet with him, yet he knows he won’t be able to ever publish it because of his position in the industry. It frustrates him, yet he would be happy just singing with you for fun- he doesn’t need to publish it, he doesn’t need anyone else’s opinion on it; but he can’t ask you, it doesn’t matter how hard he tries. He can’t get the words out, even teased you for your voice before.

“You sound like a kid!”

He wants to take it back so desperately, but now, weeks after that comment, it would be weird wouldn’t it? It would just make him look like the fool he knows he is. So now he’s sitting in Yoongis studio, listening to your voice by second hand of you will, having been too unsure to come inside while you were recording. He didn’t want to make you uncomfortable. “She sounds great, no? Really like the slight tilts she has here..” Yoongi murmurs, placing the visual pointer of his mouse on the spot he’s talking about. He’s right, and Jungkook wants to say that, but he simply shrugs. “You don’t like it?” He asks, and Jungkook again, simply lifts his shoulders.

“Not my style, I guess.”

But Yoongi sees past that attitude as he raises his eyebrow questioningly. “Since when? You sing the same kind of songs all the time too.” He says, and Jungkook just chews on the inside of his lip. “You feeling competition?” Yoongi teasingly asks, and Jungkook scoffs.

“I’ve been trained for years, she’s a simple YouTuber. There’s no reason for me to feel competitive.”

But Yoongi suddenly laughs, burying his face in his hand as he stops the song. “Do you have a crush on her or something? You’re acting weird as hell Jungkook.” He says, and looks at Jungkook, who seems like he doesn’t react- only the tips of his ears grow red, as Yoongi laughs again, breathlessly as usual. “Oh my god you do! Little Jungkookie’s got the hots, I can’t believe it!” He barks out, and Jungkook whines.

“I don’t!” He says. “I absolutely don’t. She’s way too shy, and she’s so girly and all..” he complains, but Yoongi continues to smile. “What?”

“Nothing, nothing. Topic change then.” He says, and Jungkook nods. “Why were you and Taehyung fighting yesterday? Heard you’ve got him quite bad with a pillow.” He asks, and Jungkook groans.

“You said we’re changing the topic!” He says loudly, and Yoongi seems to have the time of his life.

“I am! How should I know the fight was about her?” He asks, and Jungkook kicks his legs with frustration.

“It wasn’t!” He said, and Yoongi raises his eyebrow, resting his head on his hand.

“Why are you getting so defensive then?” He asks.

“Because he shouldn’t send her a topless picture of him like that.” He says.

“I thought it wasn’t about her?” He chuckles.

“Fuck you.” Jungkook retorts, and it’s where Yoongi draws the line.

“Hey hey, calm down yeah? Didn’t mean to poke too much.” He says, and Jungkook nods, apologizing under his breath. “I thought you didn’t like her?” He asks, and Jungkook shrugs again.

“Never said that. But she’s so awkward around me.” He says, now a bit more defeated.

“Ever tried being nice to her?” Yoongi asks, while he continues working on the track to take some pressure off the maknae.

“I don’t know..!” He whines and throws his head back. “In my mind it’s so easy; go up to her, say hello, maybe tell her she looks nice, done!” He exclaims. “And then I say hello and screw it up by making a joke on her account and boom, congrats, fucked it up again.” Jungkook sighes, and The rapper doesn’t say something for a moment until he responds.

“You’re just not like that, I guess.” He explains to the younger one. “But you could try to tone it down a bit. Some of the things you say are actually quite mean.” He scolds gently, and Jungkook nods.

“I don’t know how to do that though.” He says.

“Wrap your compliments up in you remarks.”

“How?” The younger one asks.

“Well, you can’t say she looks nice, right?” The older one asks, and Jungkook nods. “But you always call her shortie.” Again, a nod. “Tell her she looks like a doll.”

“But isn’t that mean too?” He asks, and Yoongi snaps his fingers.

“It’s one of those comments that makes you think. Is it an insult? A compliment? You don’t have to go all in. Tease her in a way that can be taken positively as well. She’s smart enough to get innuendos like that.” He explains, and Jungkook seems to understand as he nods.

Maybe he’ll try that next time.

The next time you’re visiting them, Jungkook is as ready as he’ll ever be to make things count. As you take off your shoes, and hang up your red jacket, he snickers, as he walks by. “What’s up red riding hood?” He says, and he can hear Jimin chuckle from the couch as you follow him into the living room. “She looks like a Disney character with that bag and the jacket.” He says teasingly, and to his own surprise, he can see the edges of your lips move upwards into a shy smile, because he remembers vividly how you'd once told Jimin how much you liked the old classic disney films instead of the new ones.

It’s working, and it’s making him feel daring. Jimin retorts something along the lines of if he’s the wolf in that case and if he would eat her, and he finds his head suddenly on your shoulder, gently reaching over your now seated form on the couch to steal a dumpling from Jimin as he speaks.

“Nah, I’d only eat the ugly ones.” And this time, you’re actually giggling.

It makes his skin tingle.

And the night goes on like that, his typical picking covered in icing sugar, as he watches you become restless on your spot on the couch across from him. He grows addicted to the view, of that sight of your teeth digging into your lip as you grow giddy under his hidden compliments, and Jimin seems to catch up on it pretty quickly. He watches in fascination, as Jungkook keeps his eyes on you, and Jungkook himself feels a pull on his heart when he states that he's slightly (very) upset that you're leaving so early, even though it's almost one in the morning and he typically never even so much as waves you goodbye whenever you leave.

He doesn't mind the slight bullying from his hyungs after he'd waved after your leaving form before you dissappear from his sight.

Jungkook isn't kind.

He likes to portray himself as such, whenever it’s needed, but he’s unable to quite make this characteristic a part of himself truly. It’s not like he’s a bad person, not at all; it's just that he can't help himself when it comes to you. He's quite the sadist really, always bathing in the slight pout and amusing anger radiating off of you whenever he does something to rile you up. It's just like now; even though he knows you hate it, he loves to take advantage of the difference in height between the two of you. He laughes while holding his bowl of cereal while you struggle on the very tips of your toes in the kitchen, trying to reach the pack of sweet breakfast treats that he had placed way higher than necessary.

But it's when you climb onto the counter that several things happen.

First, it's the unintended panty-shot he gets, his pupils practically zooming in on the soft pink fabric on display for his greedy self, making him feel like a schoolboy that just sneaked a glimpse of a naughty magazine his friend had brought into class. It makes his mind fill with images of you, oh-so sweetly laying underneath his form as he pulls the cotton fabric to the side, ready and wanting as you patiently wait for him to connect your souls and bodies in the most intimate of ways.

The other thing however wipes away those images, as his doe eyes widen. It's the realization that you're wearing pink fuzzy socks, on a marbled kitchen counter, the danger of slipping as high as it can be. He knows you're clumsy, knows you're always attracting trouble wherever you go, and it's the small moment of your knee bending, your foot a breath too far off the counter, as you suddenly loose balance. He practically throws his almost empty bowl on the kitchen table before he reaches you, luckily managing to make you fall ontop of him than the cold kitchen tiles below.

At first, it's awfully quiet- there is no one here other than him and you after all. Then, the pain hits him, drumming like the beat of his favorite song, making him drop his head on the floor with a groan. You immediately move at that, getting off of him as you look for anthing that could be the cause. It's when he holds his hand, red seeping through between his fingers that you move. Grabbing kitchen towels for first aid, you help him as best as you can, as he watches you, pain already not so bad anymore as he looks at your delicate hands working on his larger ones with so much care.

He's ready to use it to his fun, yet he stops himself when he sees the tears on our cheeks. "Why're you crying?" He asks, and you suddenly sob more loudly, sniffling as you continue to try and clean his scrape on the back of his palm with running water. He shuts the water off, his hand not even bleeding that much anyways anymore, as he holds your shoulders, body folding over a bit to properly look at you. "Hey hey, why're you crying? I'm hurt here!" He chuckles, but it doesn't seem to do much good- as you just continue.

He suddenly grows more gentle, the hug a bit awkward at first, the close proximity weird for you both, but once he starts to softly rock you both from side to side, his unhurt hand running over your back before he sloppily wipes your tears off of your face- intentionally messily to make you giggle and push his hands off. "You're such a crybaby!" He laughs, as you hold his hand in yours, looking at it again.

"Does it hurt?" You ask, looking up at him, and he swallows hardly as he suddenly grows uneasy with the closeness of you two.

"No, it's just a scratch." He says, suddenly cleaning up the kitchen table where he spilled some of his leftover cereal and milk- simply using it as something to distract himself to calm down. "Why were you even climbing there at all? That's dangerous as hell." He said. "You could've just asked me to get it for you." He ends, and its the most truthful thing he's ever said to you.

Because that's where his deepest intentions with you were hiding. He's so used to being the youngest, of getting away with so much and getting babied by everyone around him, staff or his members, that he craves to take care of someone instead for once. He wants you to ask him for help. He wants you to hide behind his back when you're terrified of Taehuyungs tickle-attacks, he wants you to loose to him when playing video games, just so he can pull you onto his lap, his hands over yours on the controller to show you how its done. He wants you to proudly tell him of any achievement you manage to make no matter how small, just to gain his praise.

He needs you to need him.

Because whenever he's with you, he knows that those compliments and that pure amazement on your face is not because you want something in return, it's simply what it is. You make him feel so appreciated, so desired, so wanted for himself and not for his outside qualities. Because at the same time he loves how passionate you get whenever you notice that you know something better than him- how excited you get when you explain something to namjoon or to Hobi. He want's you to teach him things too, he want's to know what you can do, what you're better at, not because he want's to get better than you, but because he knows you're so much smarter in so many things than he is.

It's your voice that gets him out of his internal terror.

"Oh.. I didn't want to bother you though." You meekly say, and he wants to groan at this, to throw a fit, to be frustrated with you because that's exactly what you never ever do; you could never bother him to the point where he would refuse to help. No, he wants you to bother him. "I-what?" You say, and he suddenly turns around abruptly.

"What?" He asks, terrified if what he thinks just happened really did.

"You said 'But I want you to bother me'..?" You ask, and he wants to slap himself.

"I- I mean, I meant it in like, you can bother me, it doesn't matter much, you know?" He scrambles out, drying his hands after washing his bowl and leaving it in the sink. He suddenly grows uneasy with you in the room, yet he stills at your next words as if frozen in time.

"Oh.. I-" You start, before you step closer. "Thank you then, Jungkookie. I appreciate it." But its not only that, it's the tiny sentence you say and the action that follows that simply fries his mind. "You're not so bad after all." And you place a small kiss against his cheek.

You kiss his cheek.

Your soft lips touched his skin.

And he stands there for a while longer, not knowing what to do.

Jungkook isn't kind.

But over the course of days where you start to grow more and more comfortable, more daring, and more used to understand his language, he slowly mutates into an overgrown puppy.

He demands your attention, loves the way you blush under his teasing, and craves the way you squirm around whenever he's close to you. He's almost certain he's got a chance with you, making his own creativity thrive under your spell. He takes more photos than ever before, starts to be even more active (after you'd accidentally let it slip that you actually like how strong he is and that it makes you feel safe), and all in all simply falls for you.

But its all gone to waste at a certain dinner with his hyungs, that his food suddenly tastes stale, and his appetite is gone. "I want to confess to her, you know? I think I really got a chance." Jimin says, and Yoongi glances at Jungkook, concerned for the youngest since he knows his secret crush. "I mean she even gets along with the brat here!" He playfully says, playfully hitting Jungkooks shoulder lightly, but he doesn't seem an innocent gesture in it. No, Jungkook is riled up, and suddenly stands at the table, taking his cutlery and dishes to discard them in the sink. "Jungkook?" Jimin asks, confused, but Yoongi shakes his head with a sigh after the youngest simply retreated into his room for an early night.

"Jimin, I don't think that's a good idea." Yoongi says, and Namjoon seems confused. "I don't intend to be rude, but your interest changes weekly. Now it's her, the next week its someone else. Jungkook however-" He calmly explains, ignoring the slightly offended look of the dancer across from him. "You know him. He's never shown interest before- in anyone." Jimin slowly seems to understand, as Taehyung nods at it. "He really likes her. Think about it. Once you take that step, there's no going back. There's no 'lets stay friends if we break up' because that's just awkward. There's no second chance for Jungkook."

Jimin slowly nods, suddenly without much taste for his food as well. "I didn't know, honestly."

"It was kind of hard to see not gonna lie." Hoseok chimes in, putting his chopsticks down as he swallows the last bite of food. "He's all over her recently." He explains, and everyone nods.

This wasn't just a simple crush for him.

This was full blown love.

Jungkook isn't kind.

But he also can't say no to you.

He wants to be mad, he really tried to as well. But it's just- he sees your smile and hears your voice, and he's all in your hands, ready and willing to your very command. That's how he finds himself at your tiny apartment, helping you to put up some of your latest paintings on your walls- because initially you'd asked if he or his hyungs had a ladder in his dorm, but after you'd told him you'd use it to climb up to hang some paintings, he'd instead told you he'd help you instead, just to make sure you wouldn't fall and have an accident or something.

He want's to be mad, because he knows Jimin must've made his move at this point.

You seem so at ease, so happy, your steps so light and almost jumpy he wants to cry internally at how cute you are, for someone that isn't him.

"Ah, yes, that's perfect!" You say, and he slowly steps down from your chair he'd burrowed to boost his height a little, your hands weakly trying to steady him while he finally reaches the floor again. "I've made some cold stew yesterday, do you wanna stay and eat a little?" You ask, and he wants to nod, but doesn't.

"I don't wanna intrude or something." He says, grimply smiling as he brings the chair back into the kitchen area where it came from. He hates how deflated you suddenly look, how almost sad you simply nod as you trail after him like a lost pet, something many would find bothering, yet he loved it. He loved how you were always around him like a little shadow, as if to silently stay close to him. "So, you and uhm.. Jimin?" He asks suddenly, unable to keep the words inside.You blink, once, twice, before tilting your head in question. "He.. hasn't talked to you?" He asked, and you shook your head.

"No, what would he want to talk about with me?" You ask, and a very terrifying thought comes into his mind, like a tiny devil on his shoulder whispering in his ear. He hasn't made his move yet, so if he plays his cards right, he could still steal you from him quick and swift. You'd be his, he knows you're too kind to say no if he confessed, and Jimin would stand no chance. But just like the tiny devil, a tiny angel was there as well. Who was he to interfere with someone else's romantic life? He knew Jimin liked you enough to ask you out, and even though his hyung was never one to stay long, it would be an absolute dick move of him to ruin his chances.

But he loved you.

"Oh, you mean about you and me!" You suddenly said, and Jungkook almost choked on his saliva. "He said something about you liking me, and uh, that I should confess to you even though I know you're not interested in me like that- I'm sorry if he said something weird, it's just a weird crush, I'll get over it-" But he short-circuits, and blurts out what comes to his mind before he can think about it.

"Don't!" He says, a little too loud, and your eyes grow wide. "Don't.. get over it. I-" He's suddenly confused, overwhelmed, and has no idea how to handle this sudden turn of events properly. Should he kiss you now like in the movies or something? But he should also ask if he should, otherwise its without consent, but it would kind of ruin the moment, and oh god why do his hands suddenly get sweaty, thats so gross-

It's the shy and delicate touch to the very tips of his fingers, hand splaid out on the kitchen table that you're touching with yours, cheeks red and eyes down, and he suddenly thinks, 'fuck those movies', as he leans in and kisses you, slowly, just to make sure you're okay with it.

You're so okay with it.

He grows hungry at the movement of your lips, brows furrowing as he lets himself ride this wave of pure euphoria, holding your cheeks so lightly that you barely feel his touch at all. You snake your arms around his head as you tug him down a bit more, and his neck aches, so he simply reaches for your behind to help you up on the kitchen table for better leverage. "You're-" He starts between kisses, and can't help his smile. "-mine." He ends, and you nod with excitement, just as high on happiness as he is. "Can I, like-" He starts, almost frustrated with how he can't stop his lips from chasing yours even if he's the one talking. "-Touch you?" He finally gets out, and again, you nod, even if the tips of your ears grow a bit red at the suggestive question. His hands suddenly wander, over your shoulders down your sides, before they find your thighs. He loves the softness of them, his fingers on your knees as he opens your legs so he can get even closer to you. As if on instinct, your socked feet pull him towards you, and he chuckles at that, finally slipping his tongue between your lips as you push a hand into his dark hair, making him groan. He cups the sides of your breasts at first, delicately feeling them, before he squeezes gently, getting a proper idea of their plushness under his fingers.

He loves them already.

"I don't-" He starts, and is breathless just as you are as he places his kisses on the side of your neck. "I don't wanna fuck you on the kitchen table baby." He finally gets out, and you mewl at that. "Hm?" He asks, but you shake your head, too shy to say anything to that. He suddenly reaches for your behind, lifting you against his chest as he walks around with you, making you and himself laugh as he opens the wrong door before he finally finds your bedroom- cozy and cold due to the open window you always leave so that you can sleep better at night. You sigh at the cool feeling of the sheets underneath your hot body, and he grins down at you as he can't feel anything but pure ecstasy. Suddenly, he laughs, and groans lodly against your chest as he lets his forehead rest against it.

"What?" You ask between a laugh, and he begins to whine.

"I don't have a condom, fuck." He drawls out, and he really feels like an idiot. He's a fully grown man, he should have shit like that with him at all times, especially when he knows he's gonna visit his crush- but its so sudden, so unprepared, that he simply didn't think this would ever happen. He's deflated, painfully hard, and frustrated with himself, as you speak up again.

"Uhm, theres an orange handbag in the bathroom, its like, next to the shower. I think I still have one in there."You say, and he looks up questioningly. "It was a joke-present from a friend, please don't ask." You say, growing shy again as he simply chuckles, before getting up and searching for the bag you mentioned. It's safe to say that he doesn't only find the condom, but also a still fully packaged vibrator toy, in the same bag. His interest is definetely woken, but he decides against using it to tease you this time.

He'd get his chance soon.

But in that moment, as he climbs ontop of the bed again, it's all about you and him- its not about mindblowing sex or unusual experiences. He just wants to be inside you, close to you, he wants to claim you in ways that only lovers can. He's surprised, when he takes off his shirt, that you suddenly hold your arms high.

You're absolutely adorable in his eyes.

He chuckles as he helps you out of your sweater, kissing your nose, your cheeks, your lips, as he unhooks your bra to finally get a skin to skin feel of your breasts. He loves it even more like this, warm and soft under his palms, and you mewl in enjoyment as he continues his antics. He doesn't even notice when you'd discarded your shorts and underwear, his pants gone in a flash as his inked fingers reach between your legs to sloppily prepare you for him.

He knows he's a bit more on the.. bigger side, to say the least, a grower more than a shower, and it used to make him nervous in a weird kind of way. You're so delicate, so sweet, that he doesn't want to hurt you, and hes slow and steady as he finally enters you after putting on his protection. But you take it, you're such a champ, and pull him towards you by his neck as he moves slowly.

He picks up his pace at your demand, lost in euphoria as he lets himself go, lets himself enjoy as his mind is filled with your voice, your sounds, your scent, your everything. This is what he wanted, this is where he wants to stay for the rest of time. Not nescessarly buried withing you (although that's not a bad sound he thinks), but in your embrace, within your presence. He want's to stay at your side forever, keep you close to him so no one can hurt you, not even yourself.

He comes with a whine, an arch of his back, and his fingers on your pearl, desperate to get you over the edge as well.

It works.

And he's happy, exhausted, and absolutely in love as he falls down the mattress at your side.

"I always thought it would be weird." You said after you'd both taken a shower and cleaned up properly. He'd texted his hyungs, telling them with obnoxious emoticons that he's spending the night with his girlfriend, and Jimin plus Yoongi had reacted with a vomiting emoji.

Yet they were happy.

"What would be weird?" Jungkook asks, his hand running up and down your arm as you laid next to him, snuggled up onto his body.

"You know, having sex." You said, and it takes a moment before he suddenly snaps his head to you.

"Wait, that was your first time?!" He exclaimed, utterly shocked at it as he'd been convinced you weren't a virgin. You have had boyfriends before, he knew that, hell, he'd seen them too, and considering you were pretty close agewise he couldn't imagine. He feels bad about it, if he'd known, he would've made it more special, hell he would've asked you more times if you were okay with him taking something so precious from you. Now you could never get it back and he'd fucked it up.

"I mean, kind of?" You explained, suddenly hiding your face. "I mean, I've done, like, stuff with men before.. and I also used a.. you know, 'thing', but like, never the real.." You tried to come up with different names for the things you wanted to say, yet you simply ceased to talk.

Jungkook chuckled. "You used what? A dildo? Like, a fake dick?" He said, and you hit his chest with a whine, utterly mortified by his way of talking. "Come on I saw that vibrator in your bag there, but I never though you were a virgin!" He said, and you whined again.

"Technically I wasn't!"

He scoffed playfully. "Baby your first time was with a toy considering what you just told me, that STILL means you were a virgin!" He argued, and you groaned, trying to get out of his grasp now. "Come on, at least tell me if my dick was better than that rubber-cock?" He asked, and laughed full on at the way you hid your face behind your hands with a yell. "Don't hurt my ego, say it!" He laughs, and tickles your sides.

"Yeah yeah okay, your dick was better stop!" You laugh, and he grins, suddenly pulling you close to him as he hides his face in your hair.

"Oh baby-" He sighes out. "I love you so much."

"And I hate you." You mumble, before he playfully bites your ear.

"Jungkook no, they could see-!" Yet he doesn't let up, uncaring. The hotel they were staying at had a strict privacy policy- at this point his agency could ruin

them with a snap of their fingers just because they leaked a single strand of his hair. He wasn't concerned at all, as he continued to bite and kiss at your neck,

unable to keep his hands to himself as he grows hard.

He loves the high he gets from being in danger of getting caught.

Its silly, in a way, but it feels like a rush of some sorts. It's like he's a teenager again, sneaking in candy even though he's on a diet just to feel bratty, and its not

much different now, even though the scale is another. This was actually dangerous, but since no one else was staying at the hotel, and his hyungs had all gone

to bed, he refused to give in.

He wanted you, and he would take you.

Jungkook never liked sharing, nor giving away what was his when he himself didn't openly give it away. What was his, was his, there was no room for

discussion, even though he'd become a bit more understanding nowadays. Yet he would never let anyone see you like this, so vulnerable and wanting for him,

ready to become his slave to quench his thirst for you at anytime. You loved him just as much as he loved you, and this exchange of feelings always got him

riled up to the point of desperation.

Just like now, as he helps you stay afloat with his forearms underneath your own arms, kissing you silly while he pushes his thigh upwards underwater, feeling

you rut agains it like an animal in heat. He loved how you got whenever he pushed your buttons right, loved the sight, the sound, the entire situation. It ruined

porn for him in a way, modern erotica in no way reaching the level of satisfactory aesthetic that the sight of you could bring him. He'd taken pictures and videos

of you in nude positions and explicit situations to keep him entertained whenever he was far away, because whatever he found online of strangers couldn't bring

him a release worth working for anymore.

So it was utterly welcomed by him, when you had surprisingly told him that you had arranged to share the hotel room with him, and that you were tagging along for two weeks of his tour. Of course, his happiness was mostly simple enjoyment that you were there at his side, that you would sleep right next to him, yet it also was of a more carnal side of himself. And now, while his blood was still hot like lava inside his veins, adrenalin still high from his last concert, he was desperate to let go, end this day in a way he never thought he properly could.

He sloppily pushed the barrier between himself and your core to the side underwater, pulling his length out of his swimtrunks as well, uncaring on making it romantic. He knew he didn't need to always go overboard, he was clingy and touchy enough that you always felt appreciated and loved, even if he was impatient like that. He groaned out, mixed with a chuckle as he suddenly realized what he was doing, dipping his head down into the crook of your neck to bite and leave open mouthed kisses, rhythm just as steady and on-point as onstage just hours ago.

He came quicker than he'd liked, tattooed hand gently pushing you over the edge as well. you whined as he helped you out the pool, utterly mortified but still happy at the way he simply picked you up bridal style, carrying you out and back into your room, ready for a good nights' sleep.

The best he had ever gotten while on tour.

(c)Bonny-Kookoo. All rights reserved. Thank you for reading.

#bts imagine #bts #bts fanfic #bts fic #bts smut #jungkook imagine #bts jungkook #jeon jungkook #jungkook #bts reactions

[dylanobrienisbatman]

I literally do not understand, like I really don’t get it, how anyone could think the Darkling and Alina make a good pair. I can seriously ship Alina with everyone (hell even Nikolai) but him, cause it’s just so obvious that he’s hurting her. I don’t know, it’s literally impossible for me to see it. I don’t like the Darkling like at all, cause I don’t really think he’s well written, that’s is. I don’t consider him a well written villain but if somehow I did, I still wouldn’t ship him with Alina? I’d ship him with an evil OC? Cause to me it’s just something that totally doesn’t work and IT’S MEANT NOT TO WORK.

And as a Malina shipper, I must say that I’m tired of hearing that Alina “chose Mal” over the Darkling cause that’s not what happened. Alina didn’t have to choose between two guys, that’s not what the story is about. This is about Alina REFUSING the Darkling and that’s it. She chose HAPPINESS, and her happiness meant Mal, Genya, Zoya, Nikolai, Tamar, Tolya, Nadia, Misha etc... It’s not about what love story is better. What made me love the ending of the series wasn’t that Alina “chose the good guy over the bad guy”, it was that she wanted to get away from something/someone that hurt her and she MANAGED TO DO IT.

And a book targeted for teenagers published in 2012 (aka the period were toxic relationships where romanticized SO MUCH) that treats such themes, it’s really far more interesting than a story about a girl falling in love with a villain.

(Sorry for the long ask lmao)

Okay, well, sorry for the long response, but this is a WHOLE mood.

I personally think the Darkling is a well written villain, but that's mostly because he has the exact effect on the fanbase that Leigh was trying to prove by writing him the way she did, that attractive men can get away with pretty much anything because of their charm and their pretty faces, but overall I find him pretty lacking in a lot of ways. As an abuser, manipulator, and groomer, so specifically in his interactions with Alina, i think he's great, but overall in the story i find him kind of meh.

But honestly same!! Like honestly, I'm not really someone who enjoys "dark" ships. There are a few 'dark' ships that I've liked over the years, like early days Damon/Elena and Chuck/Blair (lol... to your point about romanticized toxic relationships...), but I was a lot younger when I was really invested in those ships, and as I've gotten older I really don't see the appeal in them as much as I used too. So I'm probably not the authority on what makes a good "dark" ship. But to each their own! Ship what you want! But to me, i hate it. Why would I want my heroine to be with someone who abuses her? Why would I want a strong female character to end up with someone who subjugates and controls her, and harms the people she loves? It's just not for me.

And yeah!! It's the misinterpretation of the ending that truly gets me. Alina would never choose the Darkling. Even if Mal had really died, and Alina had gone fully insane, I still dont think she would have been with him. If she had gone dark and went full power hungry crazy, I think she would have still killed him (@mal-zoya said it super well in this post). He hurt her friends, people she loves, like Nikolai and Genya, like Zoya, like Ana Kuya and the other teachers at the orphange, like Mal, and he hurt her. Even if she decided she wanted to become this immortal all powerful evil Grisha queen, it still makes no sense to think that she would side with the man who enslaved her. It just... doesn't make sense.

Alina didn't choose Mal OVER someone else, (possibly Nikolai, but still... not really? she never loved Nikolai?), she chose the life she wanted over the lives she didn't want. Even after her powers were taken from her (she did NOT give them up, despite what some people want to claim), she still could have become the Queen with Nikolai, or spent her life revered as Sankta Alina, but she chose to go live an ordinary life, full of ordinary things, full of friends who adored her and children who admired her and a husband who loved her.

I think the biggest thing that always gets lost is that the men in the story that were her 'choices', much like the hunger games 'love triangle', aren't just love interests. They represent paths that Alina can take during the story.

The Darkling represents greed and corruption. He represents a path where Alina loses sight of everything that is important to her and becomes the evil she is trying to defeat. Alina choosing The Darkling would be her loosing herself to her trauma and becoming a malevolent villain who torments the people she was meant to protect.

Nikolai represents political power and the need to be loved and worshiped by the people. He represents a path where Alina gives up the things she has always wanted for herself in pursuit of status and political power. Alina choosing Nikolai, and becoming the Queen, would be her abandoning her true calling, as the savior and protector of the people of Ravka, to rule them instead.

Mal represents humanity, sacrifice, and her true self. He represents the path Alina begins and ends the story on. Discovering that she is the Sun Summoner thrusts Alina into a life she didn't want as a child and never wanted, even by the end of the story. Harnessing the power of Morozova hurts her, and almost kills her. Accepting Nikolai's proposal makes her feel lonely, uncomfortable, and out of place. Alina choosing Mal, and by extension an ordinary life with the people she loves, represents Alina choosing to follow her heart, and to use her power for its true intention, to protect the people of Ravka and the world.

The power of the Sun Summoner wasn't granted to Alina so she could rule the world as some malevolent god-like figure, or be worshiped as a Saint, or rule the world as some immortal queen. The power of the Sun Summoner existed so that one day, someone who was pure of heart could step up and save the people of Ravka from the darkness and peril brought by The Darkling. The power of the Sun Summoner was granted to Alina because she had a pure heart, and because of her pure heart, she could withstand the greed for power, the corruption of the amplifiers, and the draw of political power and fame, to do the right thing and bring balance and peace back to the world. Her story is a beautiful thing because it reminds us that sometimes, the most important thing we can be is human, and kind.

#alina starkov #shadow and bone #i love this ask okay and i love Alina's story #malina #i mean its kind of malina? but also not really? but its still pro malina so im tagging it lol

[searedwood]

30 Day Gay Journal Prompts

This is specifically designed for Pride Month and self celebration, but this can be for literally any other use. Except hate. No hate allowed.

Day 1- Write your preferred name(s), pronouns, nice nouns (nouns you like to be referred to as), and bad nouns (nouns you don't like to be referred to as).

Day 2- Record your triggers, from really bad to not as bad to getting over it. Add any specifications or notes if you feel like you need them. This is so you can identify what makes you uncomfortable or panicked, which will help you be able to identify and avoid a situation in which you may feel threatened, uncomfortable, or panicked.

Day 3- Make a list of signs that you are having a panic attack. This will help you be able to communicate to close friends or family members what may happen in an event you become panicked. This will also help you identify when you're having a panic attack, which will help you be able to calm down. Additionally, record some ways that will help stop the panic attack. For me, some ways of calming down are to go outside, my stuffie, breathing and grounding exercises, comfort music, and puns or jokes.

Day 4- Take some time and think about what makes you happy and relaxed. Write down your comfort music, comfort videos, and comfort characters. If you have a comfort game or movie, include that as well. This is to help you identify a source of calm, relaxation, and happiness that you can easily fall back on if you are uncomfortable or scared.

Day 5- Do some research on LGBTQIA+ labels, flags, and symbols. Write down your gender identity and what it means for you. Write down your sexual and romantic orientations as well, and what they mean for you. Additionally, draw little Pride Flags and symbols beside each label. I drew the genderfaunet flag on the inside cover of my journal, along with corresponding flowers that represent what I see in my identity, as well as what I hope to integrate into myself (Snowdrop - rebirth, Chrysanthemum - truth, Rose leaves - hope, Lilacs - growth/progress, Yarrow - healing, and Narcissus - self love)

Day 6- Write down the titles of your favorite LGBTQIA+ books, movies, TV shows, and games, or titles you want to see/read/play. Do a little digging and find out what titles sound interesting. Supporting LGBTQIA+ creators is a wonderful way to celebrate Pride.

Day 7- Journaling doesn't have to be just writing. Try drawing some LGBTQIA+ inspired art, whether it's just a few doodles, a flag or two, or a beautiful painting. Dedicate this entry to expressing yourself and your identity in a way without words.

Day 8- Write gay poetry. You may not think yourself talented or particularly good at writing poems, but that doesn't mean you should keep yourself from doing it, even for a day. Poetry is a wonderful way to bend language to your will and express yourself in a way that only you have to understand. Write a poem expressing your experience in the LGBTQIA+ community, or a poem detailing your first gay crush. Whatever you feel on your heart today, put it into beautifully unique words.

Day 9- Write about the moment you realized you weren't straight or binary. Alternatively, write about the moment you learned what the LGBTQIA+ community was. Describe your feelings and thoughts in the moment, and reflect over how they have changed and evolved over time.

Day 10- Take a moment and think about where you would be if LGBTQIA+ rights have existed all along, without the need for reform laws or protests. Write down who you think you would be, how you would live, and how easy it would be to do things you can't right now. At the same time, think about the disadvantages. Consider the lack of a fight for freedom and how that may influence your opinion or thoughts.

Day 11- Write a letter to your younger self. Tell your younger self about who you are and who you've become. Give them words of encouragement about the journey ahead. Remind your younger self that no matter what happens, you turn out to be a wonderful and beautiful person.

Day 12- Write a letter to your older self. Detail your present experience as a member/ally of the LGBTQIA+ community. Present your ideas about where the community will be moving forward and how much progress society as a whole will make. Ask yourself some questions, like "How do you celebrate your identity?" Later in the future, you can come back to this letter and respond.

Day 13- Learn some phrases or words of Polari. Polari is a critically endangered language invented by young gay men living in Britain. It was also used by circus men and theatre kids. Few LGBTQIA+ people now know of the language, so there's no better time to try to revive it.

Day 14- Do some research on Pride history. Record interesting or important events that marked the history of the LGBTQIA+ community. What happened at the first Pride Parade? Who was the first advocate for gay and lesbian marriage? What was the LGBTQIA+ community like before it was acceptable to be openly queer?

Day 15- Write a letter to those that are anti-LGBTQIA+. Explain why queer rights are humans rights. Tell them that love is love. Or, if you're feeling like letting loose that anger, just tell them off. This letter is for your eyes only, so don't be afraid to get mean if it makes you feel better.

Day 16- Take a moment and think about how you wish to represent yourself. Do you want to wear skirts and dresses? Do you prefer baggy pants and a puffy jacket? Do you like wearing makeup? How do you style your hair? Record how you currently dress and look and how you wish you could dress and look. Write about how your wishes reflect your identity.

Day 17- Write some ways you can improve on the way you treat yourself. Are you hard on yourself because you just can't make the right grade? Do you obsess over how you don't fit in to your family's standards of gender and sexuality? Give yourself some love and think about how you can be nicer to yourself. Remind yourself that school grades aren't more important than your own needs. Remember that if you are in an unhealthy relationship with friends or family, it isn't your fault.

Day 18- Write about what really makes you feel like yourself. You know better than anyone what your authentic self is. So what is it? What makes you feel really... you?

Day 19- If someone described you, what would they say? This can be anything from physical appearance to personality. This can help you think about how you present yourself to others. Do you want more people to know exactly what gender you identify as? Do you not want people to know what pronouns you prefer?

Day 20- Do some research on neopronouns. If you don't use any, perhaps you'll find a set or three you feel comfortable with (if not, that's fine!) If you can't do your own research, try making up your own set! I sometimes feel semi-feminine, like just a little teaspoon of femininity, but I don't really like she/her pronouns. So, I made for myself a set that sounds similar but isn't quite there. Xe/Xer/Xers/Xerself. The 'x' is pronounced like the 's' in 'measure.' A good way to make sure you know how to use a set of neopronouns in a sentence is to use this example I got from pronouny: Today I went to the park with xer. Xe brought xer frisbee. At least, I think it was xers. By the end of the day, xe was throwing the frisbee to xerself.

Day 21- Have you heard the phrase "black sheep of the herd"? It refers to someone that doesn't really fit in to their social group. In what ways are you the black sheep? Is it because of your identity or orientation? How can you help others to see you aren't different and shouldn't be alienated? How can you encourage people to welcome LGBTQIA+ people to the herd?

Day 22- Imagine you are teaching a class of young children about LGBTQIA+, gender, and sexual/romantic orientations. What would you say? How would you encourage them to be open minded and to explore their own identities?

Day 23- With great Pride comes great hardships. There are many obstacles and difficulties when it comes to finding your true self and figuring out your identity and orientation. What hardships have you overcome? What have you learned from them?

Day 24- One of your friends comes to you about having questions about gender identity. They are questioning their own identity and seek your help and support. List some ways you would help your friend feel supported and loved while also helping them discover their identity.

Day 25- List three things you would do if you weren't afraid. (For me, these would easily be: attending Pride Parades, advocating for queer rights, and coming out)

Day 26- Take your favorite or least favorite LGBTQIA+ ship and rewrite a scene as if they were together, or list some of your favorite queer ships.

Day 27- Discover some gender-neutral terms for things like family members, romantic partners, or honorifics (Mister, Miss, Mx.). If you can't find any you find interesting or comfortable, try creating some of your own. My pibling (parent+sibling) calls me their nibling or nibkid (NB term for sibling's child).

Day 28- Have you ever wanted to write a story? Record an idea or two, or three or four, for LGBTQIA+ stories. They can be anything from lesbian princesses to a coming-of-age trans story. Maybe you'll end up planning out your best seller!

Day 29- Think about what rights aren't granted to LGBTQIA+ people. What are they? Do they directly affect you as well? How do these lack of rights make you feel? What can you do to help advocate for these rights?

Day 30- The last day of Pride Month doesn't mean it's the last day of acceptance and love. How can you spread Pride throughout the year? How can you keep and open mind and heart and advocate for LGBTQIA+ rights? Maybe set a list of goals for yourself, things you want to keep up through the year.

#queer pride #lgbt pride #gay pride #lesbian pride #asexual pride #nonbinary pride #pride #writing prompts #journal prompts #lgbtqia #lgbt #lgbt community #love is love #gay #gay journal #queer #self love #queer representation