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mostly-marvel-musings · 3 years

Note

How about a smut prompt no. 7 with Tony Stark ? ❤❤❤❤

Love to lose

A/N: Thanks for requesting this lovely! Hope you like it :))

Gif’s not mine! Credits to the owner

Prompts used: Oral sex & “First one to make a noise loses.”

Pairing: Tony Stark x Reader

Warnings: 18+ smut, it’s dirty okay...

Word count: 2k

Requests & Challenges

Tony Stark Taglist: @raspberrymama @boop-le-snoot @ladyeliot @make-a-memory-drink-it-up @loveisallyouneed1125 @ownsmyheart @anthonyjanthony666 @downeyreads @the-secret-thief @getlostsquidward @ickleronniekinsemotionalrange @elemephstudies @mycosmicparadise @feetoffthetablee

Everything Taglist: @godofplumsandthunder @ladyacrasia @agustdowney @swaggysposts @suchababie @another-stark-sub @littlegasps @kahlanmars @supraveng @disappointmentofthefam @pandaxnienke @tom-hlover @just-the-hiddles @asmigurub @avantgardium-leviosa @imerdwarf @gladiosamicitias @fanofalltheficsx @ladyburberry

Taglists open! Send me an ask or DM if you wish to be in any of these ;))

“First one to make a noise loses? Seriously?”

“Yeah!”

“No!”

“I honestly thought you’d be more adventurous Tony.”

“Honey you’ll get all the adventure you want once I’m done with this project. You remember the night of four times, don’t you?”

Tony raised an eyebrow and smirked as your eyes lit up with thoughts of the night he mentioned, cheeks growing warm as your mind flooded with memories of the aforementioned night.

That night you’d lost all sense of cognition and your legs were pure jelly from being utterly fucked out.

It was never a dull moment when it came to you and Stark in the bedroom. He knew all the right ways to drive you crazy and you had come to learn to push all the right buttons to drive him insane.

“Tony come on! I know you’re up for it.”

You pointed to the half-mast erection currently staring back at you.

He glanced down at it before shaking his head and returning to the screen, soon getting engrossed in the information displayed in front of him. Eyebrows knitting together in concentration while his fingers flew over the surface, probably in search of something you didn’t care about.

You scowled for a little while, arms crossed over your chest before walking towards him with a look of determination that hid unattended lust.

Tony didn’t mind you stepping in between his legs as he leaned against the table behind, until you ghosted your fingers over the button of his denims.

Once you popped it open and undid his fly, he shot you a warning look before his phone rang, giving you time to push the jeans and his boxers down just enough to let his erection bounce free.

“You’re free to do whatever you want only if you’re prepared for the consequences sweetheart.” He warned before answering Phil Coulson’s call.

Desire bloomed deep in your belly as his words sent tingles down your spine, knowing the punishment would either be really good or really bad, depending on Tony’s mood. But you were willing to take the risk, it was always worth it in the end.

Shrugging, you dropped down to your knees, his semi-erect cock waiting for your ministrations as you eyed it before gazing up at Tony through your eyelashes innocently.

He was deep in conversation on the phone but the tight grip of his free hand on the edge of the counter and tapping of fingers against the surface indicated he was waiting for you to make your move.

Tony exhaled a breath he was unconsciously holding as your hand wrapped around his length. Taking your time with it, your hand lazily stroked his cock, thumb brushing over the tip every now and then.

“Please I understand Agent, don’t bore me with those unnecessary details..oh!”

Glancing down, he suppressed the rest of his reaction as your tongue joined the party. Small kitten licks over the tip before you drew a strip all the way to the base, all the while watching his demeanour change from composed to flustered.

You took him in your mouth and began swirling your tongue around his length, smirking when he faltered and brought his hand down to move your hair out of your face.

“I’m going over the details n-now. Oh yes—yes I’ll call Fury once I’m—I’m almost done here.”

Tony didn’t wait for Coulson to answer before he cut the call and practically threw the phone away. Letting out a groan, he jerked his hips forward, pushing himself deeper in your mouth as he grabbed you by your hair roughly, guiding your mouth over his cock.

“You’re in so much trouble baby...”

You simply hummed in response, continuing to finish him off as you increased your speed, feeling him twitch against your lips already. The little grunts Tony uttered spurred you on to bring him closer and closer to climax. Your own arousal had turned your panties moist as you watched his lust-blown eyes shut and bite his lip.

“Ah shit! You want me to cum in your mouth?”

You nodded eagerly as Tony’s hips jolted forward and he cursed out loud before shooting spurts of cum down your throat, face contorted in pleasure as he emptied himself, the warm salty liquid travelling down your throat.

He grabbed you by the back of your neck, making you stand before crashing his lips to yours, tasting himself as you deepened the kiss. You moved your clothed core over his softened cock to get some friction, gaining another groan from Tony who felt how moist you were.

“So wet my dirty girl. Will you give me an hour? I promise I’ll make it worth it.” Tony whispered softly, grabbed your hips to stop your grinding. Reluctant to let you go but the urgency with which Phil had called left him with no other choice than to make you wait.

“Fine. But if you’re late…”

“Trust me babe. I’ll be there sooner than you think.”

“Whatever.” He pecked your pouted lips one last time as you pulled his pants back up, turning to walk upstairs to your shared bedroom.

“Don’t touch yourself.”

“You’re in no position to make demands Stark.”

“Am I not?” Even with your back to him, you could sense he was giving you ‘the look’. The one that screamed ‘no matter what, I’m always in charge’. The man was really going to be the death of you some day.

“Ugh. Fine. Hurry up.”

“Okay so we need to establish some ground rules first.”

Your eyes snapped up from the book you were pretending to read as Tony swung the bedroom door and got in, locking it before sliding in next to you, resting his back against the headboard.

You were celebrating your victory on the inside because just minutes ago he’d made fun of you for coming up with this game, only to now come up with modifications for the same.

Like a good girl you had behaved, controlled the urge to bring yourself to an orgasm after that little session downstairs. You were still wet, which meant he already had more chances of winning at your game.

This was a bad idea. Why hadn’t you thought this through?

“Hon?”

“Huh?”

“The rules?”

Mentally shaking yourself for zoning out, you sat up straight and faced him.

“Alright. Whines are allowed. Moans aren’t.”

“Fair enough.”

“No oral sex.”

“Not acceptable. You know I owe you for that amazing blow-job. Come on now..”

“Fine. But no fingering.”

Tony made a non-committal huff but agreed, knowing how much his fingers spurred you on.

You went back and forth discussing, rejecting and accepting the terms and conditions as if it were a legit deal.

Soon after you shook on it, there was a switch in the air and neither of you felt the need to say much else except get on with the game.

Climbing in Tony’s lap, you cupped the sides of his face and pressed your lips to his. Softly grazing against each other at first while you fingers teased the base of his neck.

He carded his hands through your hair before pulling you against his chest, hands now splayed across your back as he slanted his mouth over yours and deepened the kiss.

Maneuvering a little so his legs straightened out on the bed, Tony heard a tiny sigh escape your lips as your aroused core met with his growing bulge. Keeping those noises that threatened to leave your mouth turned out to be harder than you had both imagined. You two were quite vocal when it came to sex.

It was difficult, but all the more exciting.

After a while, the make-out session turned out to be insufficient and Tony had you on your back, your clothes removed and thrown carelessly somewhere behind as he settled between your legs.

You had to bite back a moan as Tony’s lips travelled down your neck, littering tiny kisses all over the skin before he found that junction where your neck met your shoulder, the pulse point which he so generously marked a spot on, sure to leave a purple bruise in its place. On cue, your head moved aside to grant him more access as your breaths turned to pants, finding it hard not to think about his bulge that was rubbing so deliciously against your heated core in slow but deliberate thrusts.

You had to push him away to make sure you didn’t lose so soon, that sure earned a chuckle from the genius. Moving further south, he latched onto one of your nipples and flicked his tongue along the bud all the while massaging and kneading the other in his hand. A sigh had involuntarily slipped out, it wasn’t breaking any rules but it sure made Tony gaze up with lust-blown eyes as a smirk appeared on that handsome face.

Trailing kisses along your navel, he reached between your legs and stopped. You shot him a warning look as you sat up on your elbows when his fingers teased along your wet folds, causing him to throw his hands up in surrender before diving in face first into your pussy.

Closing a hand over your mouth, you let your head fall back onto the pillows as Tony licked a fat strip along your wetness, his nose brushing against your bundle of nerves. It didn’t take long for you to feel your heartbeat on your throbbing clit, Tony leaving no stone unturned to make sure you were a needy mess below him.

“What was that baby girl?” He purred, facial hair glazed with your juices when he emerged, giving you a shit-eating grin after you shook your head.

You were so close.

Flipping you on your stomach, you heard him unbutton his jeans and drop them in a low thud on the ground. His hands pulled your ass up in the air, urging the cheeks apart before his cock met your entrance, gathering your wetness, your pussy aching for release at this point.

“Tony..”

“Giving up already?”

Instead of answering, you reached behind, grabbed his cock in your hand and lined him up at your entrance before pushing your hips back. Both of you swallowed your groans as he bottomed out, stretching your walls to the fullest before pulling all the way out and thrusting in.

Your knuckles turned white from gripping the sheets as you were almost ready to give up and accept defeat, until you felt his cock twitch inside you, a sign Tony wasn’t too far along from doing the same either.

Your walls clenched around his cock deliberately, hugging it in their wet warmth and eliciting an involuntary groan from the man.

“What was that honey?”

You teased, repeating the action only to have Tony pull out suddenly, turn you around once more and pull your legs over his shoulder before entering you again.

“You fucking tease..”

“You’re the one to talk. Now shut up and fuck me.”

Snapping his hips to yours at a furious pace, Tony gripped your legs roughly and bit your ankle. The silly little game long forgotten, you let out a pornographic moan as you felt the muscles in your belly contract, thighs tremble and mind turn into a fuzzy blur.

“Cum with me Tony..” you begged as he let go of your legs and buried his face in your neck, a hand snaking downward to rub your oversensitive clit.

“Do that thing again.”

His urgent whisper came out muffled by your hair but you knew what he was talking about. You granted his wish by pulling on his cock with your walls and felt his hips lose their rhythm. He came loud and hard, spilling inside you in spurts triggering your own orgasm as you cried out, digging your nails in his back as you shuddered.

Once you felt yourself float back down to reality, you brought your hands to caress Tony’s hair while he chuckled against the skin on your neck, repeatedly kissing you over there.

“It’s a draw then?” He mumbled.

“Yep.”

“You want a rematch?”

“Definitely.”

#tony stark smut #tony stark x you #tony stark x reader #tony stark fanfiction #tony stark imagine #tony stark oneshot #tony stark fic #iron man x you #iron man fluff #tony stark fluff

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goddesswritings · 3 years

Text

“Can I slap her for you?” - Corpse Husband | Part Two

Title: “Can I slap her for you?” – Part Two

Pairing: Corpse Husband x Reader

Summary: Being stuck living with the queen of YouTube drama and partying during the pandemic has seriously worn down your patience. Meeting Pokimane has changed your life for the better, making Among Us a pivotal part of your life.

Word Count: 5.2k

Unedited for now. I was eager to post. I will edit it later.

Corpse Masterlist

********

<< PART ONE

After you left the apartment, you sat in the parking lot of some random store, trying to decide what to do now. Sighing, you opened your phone and went to Instagram. Corpse was probably wondering if it went okay.

Corpse: She left the stream, thank you!

Corpse: What exactly did you do?

Corpse: She’s sending Sean angry DM’s now.

Corpse: Hey, are you okay?

Y/n: Hey sorry, I had to pack. I’m fine, happy to help get her out of the stream. I switched off the power to her office.

Honestly, you wished you could have stood up against her more often than you did. She was four years younger, so you should have been able to have the say in things. But no, Olivia was a control freak and a spoiled brat too. She would no doubt tell your parents you started a fight with her, and she felt unsafe.

Corpse: Wow, you’re badass. Packing for what?

Y/n: Um, she may have kicked me out of the apartment, and I may have left without a fight because I’m tired of her shit. 🤷‍♀️

Corpse: Do you have a place to stay?

Of course you didn’t and you really should have thought about that before just leaving the way you did.

Y/n: Not really but I will find somewhere.

Well you hoped you could. There weren’t many people who were keen in taking in a friend during a pandemic.

Corpse: Poki’s going to call you.

At that message, your phone started to wring and sure enough, it was Poki.

“Hello?” You asked hesitantly.

“So someone let it slip that your sister kicked you out?” Poki said calmly.

“Is that someone, Corpse?”

“Yes, he said it out of shock but I’m glad he did. Knowing you, you would have kept it a secret from me.” She was right. You hated inconveniencing your friends.

“Damn you, Corpse.” You muttered making her laugh. “Yeah so I ruined Olivia’s stream and she started screaming at me before kicking me out. I didn’t fight it because I am tired of her.”

“Understandable. Well do you need somewhere to stay?”

“Yes but I will find some place.”

“Nope, you’re staying with me. Come over now or I am coming out to drag you back to my place.” Her protectiveness made you smile.

“Sure, I’ll be there in a few.” You hung up.

Y/n: Thank you for looking out for my stubborn ass, Corpse. I would have never told her.

Corpse: Stubborn is one word to describe you. Cute is another.

That comment made your face heat up from the sheer adorableness of it. Corpse seriously just called you cute.

Y/n: Can I say you have a genuinely nice hand. It’s marvelous.

Corpse: Hey, don’t make fun of my hand. It takes all the heat for me. That hand is very anxious every time I post him.

Y/n: Awe I bet. Give him hugs from me. Also tell him I’m a big fan!

The easy flow of conversation between the two of you was nice. You got along extremely well and talking outside of the game was nice, since you could focus on what you really wanted to say to him.

Corpse: He’s flattered!

This was great and took your mind off Olivia and the fact she just kicked you to the curb with nowhere to go. But Poki was there for you. You appreciated her more than she knew.

You pulled up in front of her apartment building, parking the car, you got out and grabbed your stuff. Typing in the code Poki had given you a while ago, you were let into the building. Entering the elevator, you made your way to her apartment.

Barely knocking, the door flew open to reveal Poki. She looked mad but also worried. She pulled you into the apartment and hugged you tightly.

“Can I slap her for you?” She asked calmly.

This made you giggle. “I mean I would like to slap her as well.”

“We should make a plan. Hey, the group is still on, come say hi.” She started to lead you to her office.

“Are they still streaming?” You didn’t want to reveal your face to the world, not like this.

“Oh no. We ended our streams when Olivia started talking about you. She completely wasn’t respecting your privacy and we weren’t about to let her spill it to our viewers.” That was so sweet of them to do.

You had left your bags in the other room while you followed her. An idle conversation was going on when you entered.

“Hey guys, I’m back.” Poki took a seat in front of the computer, she pulled up a second chair. “I have someone special here.”

Sitting down, you saw her nod for you to say something. “Hey, did you miss me?”

They went wild.

“Y/n! Oh we missed you!”

“Don’t leave us again.”

“I’m sorry I invited your sister to stream.”

“Hey Y/n.”

The mix of voices was overwhelming in a good way. Sykkuno, Rae, Sean, and Corpse pretty much spoke over each other which made you laugh.

“One at a time, guys. You can’t overload her.” Leslie told them.

“Sorry Y/n. We just really missed having you here. You’ve become one of our favorite friends to play with.” Sykkuno said sounding as sweet as ever. That man was just the best.

“Yes, I can say we agree.” Rae added.

It was nice to hear they missed you. It really helped to lift your mood as well.

“Did your sister really kick you out?” Toast asked

“Yes she did. But it’s not surprising at this point. She’s probably been gunning to kick me out as soon as she could.” Sad truth

“Well she’s the worst player ever. She can’t keep a secret at all. I really should have never agreed to get her into the group.” Sean said sounding sad.

“Hey Sean, please don’t worry about it. She’s always weaseling her way into things. It’s completely not your fault.” One of the things she loved to do was incessantly DM other youtubers for collabs or for free stuff. She really had no morals.

“Well thank you, Y/n. You’re literally the sweetest.” Sean said earning a bunch of ‘I Agrees’ from everyone else. That really was helping make the night better.

“Who’s up for some more Among Us to relax after that shitshow?” Lud asked making everyone laugh hard. It was agreed the group would do it. Luckily, you had your laptop and joined the call and game and stayed in Poki’s living room to play. Honestly, it was so good for you.

At the end if gaming, you said goodbye to the group. Then Poki showed you to the extra room that used to be her roommates before she moved out last month.

“Hey, are you looking for a roommate?” You asked as you put the bags on the bed.

Poki sent you a smile. “I am. Are you interested?”

This was good. “Yes, I mean I still have to find another job since my main is still furloughing me until this pandemic gets better but I have some money saved up.”

“Hey, please don’t sweat it. Besides, I know a friend who’s in need of an editor, I may have mentioned your name and she really wants to talk to you about it. Is that okay?”

“Wow, that’s perfect. Thank you, Poki. You’re such a great friend.” It felt good to have someone there for you.

She pulled you into a hug. “Always. I am so glad I met you. You’re one of my best friends.”

This was an honor. “Don’t make me cry.”

“I can’t promise anything. Anyway, I will leave you to rest. It’s been a long night. Tomorrow I will give you my friends details.”

“Sounds good, night Poki.”

“Goodnight, Y/n.” She waved goodbye and closed the door behind herself.

Smiling, you sat on the bed. It was such a good thing that she was here got you. But also Corpse was the catalyst that got you to actually tell Poki was what happening. He was sweet and it seemed he was looking out for you.

After changing into comfy pj’s, you brushed your teeth before climbing into the freshly made bed. Opening Instagram, you saw that Corpse has messaged you.

Corpse: I don’t like being too forward but hey here we go. Can I please have your number so we can talk more easily?

A smile made its way to your face. For a tough man, he surely had a sweet way of getting to you

Y/n: Yes you can. xxx-xxx-xxxx.

The nerves jumped when you sent that message. Less than a minute later, you received a text from an unknown number.

xxx-xxx-xxxx

Hey Y/n, it’s Corpse. Would you mind if I called you so we could talk for a little?

You liked this idea truthfully. It only helped to show how genuine Corpse was being.

Y/n

Not at all. Please go ahead and call me.

Your phone rang, displaying Corpse’s name.

“Hello?” You answered the phone while pushing away the anxiety.

A soft deep laugh filled your ear. “Hey sweet girl. How are you feeling?”

His words made you want to sigh in the most lovesick way. That never happened these days.

“I’m good. Poki had an extra room I could crash in and well I might just be her new roommate.”

“I love that. She’s so much better than your sister I assume.”

“She is. Here I won’t have to deal with the incessant pandemic partying Olivia likes to do.” That selfish bitch.

“Shit, is she stupid? She does know she’s risking a lot of lives, right?” You loved that Corpse had the logic you craved.

“So she is stupid, and her response was always that it’s not her problem and that the vulnerable people should stay home.”

“She sounds like the typical beauty youtuber these days.”

“Yes, she is. She has no morals.”

“Well that’s not good. I guess that’s why her name keeps popping up all over social media. She really needs to be careful, before she becomes the next Tana.” He was right but you personally thought she was past that point already.

“It’s too late. She’s already passed the point of return with all of this.”

“Yikes. It’s good you got out of there when you did.” A soft but deep laugh was heard through the phone. The sound made you giggle. Hearing such a tough guy laugh the way Corpse laughs, made you feel giddy. “So about what I said earlier, I meant it.”

“Huh, what are you talking about?” You truly were a little lost by this.

Corpse laughed again. “When I called you cute earlier. I meant it.”

Heat filled your face and a small smile made its way to your lips. “Thank you, Corpse. That’s really sweet of you. I don’t like to show many people who I am because they will immediately connect me to Olivia, and I don’t want that.”

“I get that. I don’t show my face for fear they won’t like me when I do. All my fans have built up this expectation of what they want me to look like and now I just don’t want to let them down. Plus it’s nice being able to stay anonymous if I go into public, but of course people will hear my voice and know. Shit, it’s hard.”

“Awe, I’m sorry. I saw what the attention has done to some people, but I think not everyone goes into that headspace. Also, I think you should stay faceless if it makes you feel better. There is no rule that says you ever have to show your face. People who push you to do it have no boundaries.”

Corpse was quiet for a while and you thought you had offended him. “I’m sorry if I said the wrong thing, Corpse.” You squeaked.

“No, you said the right thing. I was just thinking. You’re right. A lot of people have been on me to reveal my face, but I never intend to. I want to be able to live my life without being swarmed by fans, or god forbid, them judging me by my appearance.”

“Which is really fucked. When I first appeared in my sister video, the comments were awful. They couldn’t understand how she was related to me, but I never thought I looked bad. But I guess they expected Olivia to be surrounded by people in her genre. It was so hard to see those comments.” Thinking back to it, Olivia had even added to it. Telling you that you should have tried to look more like her for the video. You should have worn something more colorful and put-on way more make up then you liked. But you hated that. That wasn’t you.

“I can’t imagine the things they said. Is that why you deactivated your twitter?” How did he know about that?

“Oh, yeah. How did you know about it?”

“I remembered seeing a story about it on YouTube last year. They didn’t show your face, so of course I didn’t know it was you. But I figured it out when Olivia joined the game tonight and she blabbered on about being your sister. I’m sorry you received that hate. No one deserves that ever.” His voice was calming you now.

“Thank you. Olivia seemed to add to it, as well. Fuck, she’s just the worst person.” Family definitely had the ability to be shitty. “Meeting Poki last year really was the best thing. But also joining this Among Us group has been so good for me. Thank you for accepting me.”

“Of course. You’re a natural in the game but you also fit very well with the group.” Corpse really hoped you believed him because this was true. The group had a whole conversation about it when Olivia finally left

“I’m flattered. The Corpse Husband is telling me I fit in with him and his streamer friends. Wake me up, I must be dreaming.” You knew his words were genuine because it was just easy to tell.

“You better believe it, baby, because it’s true.”

You stopped short when you heard him call you baby. Of course Corpse had used that word before but right now it felt more intimate.

Letting out a yawn you realized it was nearing 4 am. “I appreciate it.” You mumbled, feeling the events from the day seep in.

“You’re tired, aren’t you?” His deep voice was lulling you closer to sleep.

“No.” Another yawn broke through.

“You can’t lie to me, Y/n. Get some sleep and we will talk tomorrow.”

The words made you smile. “That sounds good, Corpsie. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, sweet girl.” Despite wanting to stay on the phone, you hung up. Sleep was quickly coming in to claim you. You can happily say you fell asleep with a huge smile on your face.

Waking up was easier than it had been in a long time. Normally you woke up to Olivia screaming at you or someone else. So it was nice to wake up to silence. It allowed you to relax and wake up properly.

Your phone buzzed from beside you. A text from Corpse is what you first saw, so you opened it.

Corpse

Good morning, sweet girl. I hope the night treated you well.

Sweet and to the point. His messages made you think he had a thing for you. Well you hoped he did but he also could just be treating you the way he treats friends.

Y/n

Yes, I slept well and for once I wasn’t awoken by my obnoxious sister.

It would he good not to live with her.

Corpse

I bet. Hey I hate to be the one to show you this, but your sister posted this on her instagram.

He then sent a link to the post. It made your blood boil.

::::

There was a picture of her, she was holding up a ripped picture of you. A huge frown was on her face.

oliviaxoxo It’s a shame when family starts to treat you like you weren’t the one to give them money when they needed it. This is my sister and she’s a bitch. For the last few years, she’s been the one editing my videos. Well I found out she was trying to sabotage me, so I had to fire her and kick her out. What a shame it is when family stabs you in the back. 🙃🙃

1,454,787 people like this

oliviafan23 Is this true? Damn, f*ck fake people.

queenolivia Sueeee herrrrr!

lovinliv Family ain’t shit. Spill her info so we can drag her.

sykkuwu Whoa, why are you spreading lies about your own family?

queenolivia Why would you defend someone like that?

valkyrea You’re such a sad human for doing this. Stop lying.

pokimanelol Let’s see, none of this is true. Your sister has done so much for you and you’ve never appreciated it. Get some help for this.

corpse_husband This is sick. No wonder your name is always blasted everywhere. Do your sister a favor and stop talking about her.

oliviaxoxo I don’t know why you’re defending my stupid sister, but that totally makes you not hot to me anymore. Ugh.

valkyrea Uh, that’s what you got from this. Wow, you’re not worth this.

corpse_husband What can you expect? The covid must have gone to her brain. |

corpseandlivfan Whyyyyyyy Corpse, why would you stand up for her. Do you not realize how horrible Y/n is? Please tell me this is a joke!?!?

corpse_husband Well, she’s a good friend of mine and I won’t let people make up lies. So it’s not a joke.

::::::::

You were mad that she’d even say this shit publicly, but you should have known she would. She was nothing without her group of misguided followers.

Y/n

Can’t say I’m not surprised. This is so on brand for her. Thank you for sticking up for me. It means a lot.

Corpse

I would do it any day. She shouldn’t be able to get away with doing that to you.

Sadly, growing up, she did get away with doing the absolute worst shit and you always received the brunt of it.

Y/n

With any luck, she draws negative attention.

You clicked the link to view it again but instead were lead to a page that said the content was unavailable.

Y/n

I believe she just deleted the post.

Corpse

Oh, she did. That’s awesome.

It was. Olivia was never one to swallow her pride and admit any wrongdoings. That means she would never delete a problematic post, but she finally did

Y/n

I didn’t really read any other comments besides you and your friends and the top comments. I can’t imagine what her fans are really saying.

Olivia was completely okay with letting her fans attack people. It was seriously a huge mess. She fell into the category of YouTuber with the worst most entitled attitude.

Corpse

It��s good you didn’t read them, because they were horrible. I can’t believe she would let her fans do that.

Y/n

She’s done a lot of shady stuff. This is even before she blew up on YouTube. There is a lot of issues between us.

There was a lot that could be said about your relationship with Olivia and none of them were good. Forever it seemed, you had tried to make it work and hoped your sister would grow up and change but it never happened.

Corpse

I think she’s a vile human. From what I have seen and her complete lack of human decency, I just can’t help but feel she’s just not a good person and she never will be.

He was right. She would never change.

Y/n

You’re right. Hey, I have to go thank Poki for letting me stay but I also need to go back to that apartment to get the rest of my stuff. Can I call you when I get back?

Corpse

Yes, of course. Good luck heading over there.

Talking to him was pretty natural feeling. It was clear now that you were getting a massive crush on him. You had a crush on a man who’s face you’ve never seen. You couldn’t help it though, his personality just meshed so well with yours. He’d made you feel safe and wanted.

After getting dressed, you found Poki in the kitchen making breakfast. She sent you a sweet smile when you entered the room.

“Thank you for standing up for me against my sister on Instagram.” You were truly honored this group of friends liked you enough to do something like this.

“You’re welcome. I couldn’t just let her say that and get away with it. She’s done a lot to you, that you don’t deserve. Corpse messaged all of us the minute he found it and we all jumped into action. Sean and Felix were getting ready to comment when she deleted it.” She explained as she set a plate in front of you.

“I’m so honored. Thank you!”

“Of course, you’re one of us now and we will never let her get away with this stuff anymore.”

You could just cry with how loved they were making you feel. This is what had been missing in your life. Friends who genuinely cared about you and wanted to protect you from the nasty stuff Olivia was capable of doing.

“Would you come with me to the apartment to get the rest of my stuff?” You asked once the two of you finished eating.

Poki nodded. “Of course I will. You shouldn’t have to go alone.”

An hour later, you exited the elevator on the floor where you once resided. Your sister wasn’t home, which would be good but there was a chance she could return while you were packing. But you would deal with that when it came down to it. The two of you quickly got to work, packing your life up into the boxes you’d brought with you. Luckily, you weren’t one to collect a ton of stuff. You mainly just had to make sure your clothes and makeup were packed up.

You and Poki would fill boxes and pile them by there door, then you would take them down to the car when you acquired a good amount. In the end, you figured you would fill maybe 10 boxes which is actually not too many considering you’ve lived in that apartment for five years.

Poki had left to go take two more boxes to the car while you finished up packing up your last few items. The front door closed, and you assumed it was Poki, but it wasn’t.

“Oh look who’s here? My lovely sister.” Olivia’s voice was flat and emotionless.

You rolled your eyes and turned to find her standing in the doorway, glaring at you. “Hello, Olivia. I’m just packing my stuff and then I’m leaving.”

“Who said you were allowed to come back here?” She grumbled, eyeing the boxes.

“Well, this is my stuff and I have every right to come pick it up.”

“If it’s in my apartment, it clearly belongs to me.” She snarled.

You snapped. “Cut it out, Olivia. This was my apartment too, until you kicked me out last night. You can’t just claim my stuff as your because you’re salty about me having friends.” She was a spoiled brat, and you were done letting her get away with it.

“I’m not the salty one. Everyone can see it’s you.” God she was so annoying. You taped up the last box and turned to her. She held her phone in her hand. “Everyone say hi to my sister. You know, the one I posted about earlier before someone reported my post.”

“Are you live?” You asked, keeping your face expressionless. Olivia would do this.

“I bet some of you remember the few videos I did with her. Well of course that was before she turned against me and decided she was going to try and ruin me. Say hi, Y/n.” A sick smile played on her face.

“I never consented to being in your live, Olivia. Please stop.” You tried to keep your voice calm so that she wouldn’t have any way to make you look like the bad person. But regardless, she was already doing it.

Olivia cackled. “Well I think I’m free to do as I please in my apartment.” You could only imagine what her fans were saying. “You’re right, Andrea, she is an idiot, and I should have her arrested.” She spoke aloud making your blood boil.

“You’re so immature, Olivia.” You grumbled before grabbing the last couple boxes and moving towards the door. Olivia decided to swat the boxes out of your hand, and they fell tumbling to the ground. “What the hell, Olivia. I could have fragile stuff in there.” You growled at her.

Olivia was just laughing. “This is funny. What else should I do, guys?” She asked as she panned the phone around the room.

Her immaturity was giving you a headache. Poki walked in and saw Olivia.

“Oh hey guys, look who’s here. Pokimane.” She panned the camera to Poki who frowned. Olivia just laughed and started talking shit until she was cut off by the stream just ending. “What the hell.”

You gathered the last few boxes, and Poki came to help while Olivia attempted to start another live.

“What the fuck, it won’t let me go live.” She growled while stomping her foot like a child.

“That’s what happens when an influx of people report your live.” Poki spoke as you both had gathered the boxes.

Olivia was frowning. “What did you do, Y/n.” She wanted to pounce at her, but Y/n and Poki were already at the door.

“Y/n did nothing, but I got word of your little livestream and contacted some friends for help. It will be at least 24 hours before you can have another live. But with the amount of people who reported you, well you may be banned for a while.” With that, you and Poki left Olivia standing there is absolute shock.

You and Poki put the last boxes in the car. “Thank you, Poki. How did you get so many people to report it?”

“Well it was actually Corpse. He texted me and informed me that she was doing a live and bothering you. He had his fans go report it, but apparently Sykkuno and Rae also sent their fans. I was going to send mine, but they had it handled. So this was all Corpse.” She explained.

Hearing this made you feel so soft for Corpse. “Awe wow. That’s so sweet of him.”

The two of you entered the car. “Y/n, can I tell you something without you telling him I told you?”

You looked over at her. “Yes, sure.” Your heart rate kind of picked up.

“Well the other day, Corpse admitted he has feelings for you, but he wasn’t completely sure if you felt the same way for him. But I mean I can clearly see you do. Your whole face just lit up when I mentioned him. So do you?”

Heat filled your face and you suddenly felt shy. “I do, yes. Which is ridiculous because I just met the guy, and I don’t even know what he looks like. But gosh, I like him so much. When I talk to him, I feel happy. He’s been so good to me through this crap with Olivia.” You admitted, knowing she already knew.

Poki smiled and squealed in complete happiness. “You two are just the most adorable people! It’s not ridiculous. We pretty much knew from the first time you joined us, that Corpse was into you. But oh my god, you’re into him. You need to tell him!!!!”

You agreed, Corpse deserved to know. “I do. But how? It’s been a really long time since I’ve told someone I liked them. Shit, I feel like I’m in high school again!”

This made Poki giggle. “Calm down, Y/n. I have a plan. Let’s get back to the apartment and we will talk about this. Rae also wants to be involved in this.”

Back at her apartment, you had jumped onto a call with Rae and the three of you talked about what your plan was for you to tell Corpse what you felt for him. Rae and Poki decided to organize an Among Us game strictly for fun and no one would stream, they would also use Proximity chat.

“So we will get him to follow you around until one of us is imposter, then we will lock you into wherever you end up. Do it then” Rae explained sounding so excited.

“Okay, that can work. Let’s do this!” You were nervous but also excited to finally do something good for yourself.

You and Poki set up for the gane and Corpse sent you a text.

Corpse

Are you joining the game tonight?

Seeing a text from him, made you feel giddy.

Y/n

Yep I am. So I will see you in game?

Corpse

Yes you will, angel.

Cue the insane butterflies.

The lobby loaded and it was you, Corpse, Poki, Rae, Sykkuno, Karl, Tina, Sean, Toast, and Leslie. All streamers you had grown to like a lot in the time you have been playing with them.

“Y/n, I am so happy you’re playing with us!” Tina gushed as her little character ran around yours.

“I’m happy to be here.” You really were.

“You’re sister is a piece of work, Y/n.” Sykkuno said.

You giggled. “Don’t I know it.”

“What did she do this time?” Sean asked.

“Decided to film a live when we went to get Y/n’s stuff from the apartment.” Poki explained.

“Oh, that’s gross.” Karl commented.

“I have to thank Corpse for helping.” You stated to the group.

“Yeah Corpse was quick to text us.” Sykkuno added.

“You’re welcome, Y/n. I wasn’t going to let her get away with what she was doing. Truth is, I got a bunch of fan DMs that were telling me what Olivia was doing. So a lot of my fans were already reporting it, but the tweet helped.” Corpse’s deep voice soothed you.

“I appreciate it so much. She was just being an immature brat as always.”

The group laughed before deciding to start the game. Poki and Rae agreed to text you when either of them were imposter. Now it was a matter of getting Corpse to follow you.

The group was on the Polus map, which seemed to be a favorite for everyone.

Rae

We should lock them in weapons.

Rae had texted you and Poki through the group text.

Poki

That’s the best place for them.

Y/n

Okay but I still have to get him to follow me.

Rae

He will. Just wait, I have a plan.

You trusted Rae and Poki to help you. Now it was time to admit it all to Corpse and hope he genuinely liked you back.

Y/n

Let’s do this!

PART THREE >>

986 notes · View notes

corysmiles · 3 years

Note

I came up with this 3 days ago and it hasn't left my mind since-

(little streamers au)

Someone makes a vr game that's basically a simulation of what it's like to be a human and/or tiny

So Tommy and everyone plays it and they all rotate between what sizes they are (Tommy sometimes is tiny and helping his now tiny friends get through it while they're terrified of their still giant freinds, and sometimes Tommy is big and gets to experience what it's like to be human- with the minor fear of him not understanding his own streangth-) lots of chaos ensues, but of course it's a vr game so they're all safe apart from the humans having been practically playing a horror game the whole time and realizing just how brave Tommy is by just fucking existing-

Roman this is one of my favorite asks about this au ever thank you so much :]

————————————

Little Streamer AU-In Reality

cw//language

————————————

As soon as the game was released Tommy’s dms blew up from his friends asking to play it with him. He didn’t know much about it except that the profit it made was going towards charity, but that was about it.

He was on a call with Wilbur when the older man explained the hype around it. It was a vr game that would let people experience being different heights in the hopes of helping fight against prejudices people still held against tinies.

“That’s pretty pog,” Tommy had smiled before Wilbur scolded him for not caring more.

Wilbur talked fast as he passionately explained the importance of the project to the tiny, but Tommy’s brain kept zoning in and out of the conversation.

However, Wilbur sounded so excited about it that Tommy finally agreed to hop on a call with the rest of his friends later that night to play.

Once Tommy hopped on the discord call with his friends he immediately heard Tubbo shouting at Phil.

“Hey hey back up! You’re gonna fucking squish me,” Tubbo screeched as Phil laughed.

“You’re fine mate,” Phil said with a feint laugh.

Tommy chuckled underneath his breath before logging onto the game with everyone else. He was met with two options in front of him

Tiny or human.

His hand hovered near human for a moment before he decided he’d rather stay the same on his first try. When he spawned in he hunched over at the scene in front of him.

Phil was carefully holding a now tiny Tubbo who was shrieking curses at him as Wilbur watched from the side.

“Hey Tommy,” Wilbur grinned as he reached down a hand for Tommy to hop in.

When Tommy was brought up to Tubbo’s level the scene was even more hilarious. The brunette teen desperately wrapped his arms around Phil’s fingers as he screamed.

Phil laughed nervously and reassured the tiny he was safe but Tubbo’s screaming wouldn’t stop.

Then suddenly he disappeared from Phil’s hand before reappearing as a human beside the other three.

“That was fucking awful,” Tubbo groaned as he glared at Phil.

Then in a flash Phil disappeared before appearing beside Tommy, now only a couple centimetres taller than himself.

Immediately he shrunk back away from the two humans.

“Holy fuck,” he gasped, “you’re fucking giant mate.”

He looked back at Tommy who laughed at his amazement before pulling him into a hug. Tommy let his head fall onto Phil’s shoulder and almost cried at the idea of actually getting to hug his friend. But he couldn’t really feel it...as much as he’d like to.

He had to keep reminding himself it was just a game as one by one his friends shrunk down to experience life at Tommy’s size.

When Wilbur finally shrunk down he gave Tommy a wide grin and looked around himself in awe.

“Is this really what everything looks like to you?” he asked after a moment.

Tommy moved to stand beside him on the counter, “Yeah Wilbur...this is it.”

Wilbur’s face melted into a soft smile as he turned to his brother, “It’s almost peaceful yaknow. When you’re so small and far from everything else...it’s kinda cool.”

Tommy shrugged and laughed at Wilbur’s weird emotional thoughts before an idea popped into his head.

“Stay,” he mumbled, “Stay like that for a second.”

Wilbur looked at him with a raised brow and nodded before the tiny disappeared.

Tommy’s screen flashed again with the options: “Human” or “Tiny.”

This time he hovered over human and pressed down. When everything finally came into view he blinked a couple times to try to center himself.

His head was almost at the lamp above the table...he’d never seen anything like it. All around familiar things seemed so different and insignificant at his new height. He flexed his hands in front of him for a moment before his eyes drifted downwards to where a now tiny Wilbur was looking up at him with a grin.

“Hey big man,” Wilbur laughed after a moment as Tommy brought a shaky hand down to Wilbur.

He watched as his brother climbed in and was amazed at just how small he was compared to him...and Tommy was normally much smaller than Wilbur was.

Tommy couldn’t even imagine how Wilbur felt holding him when they met up; Tommy slowly brought the tiny to his eyes and felt his breath catch in his throat at just how much power he held over the man. He had his friends entire life in his hands, and it was up to him to keep him safe.

Did Wilbur always feel this way when he held him?

“Hey dude!” he heard Tubbo yell from somewhere below him and Tommy noticed with a start that Phil and Tubbo were now tiny too and sitting on the counter below him.

Tommy gulped and tried to hold back his tears as he let the other two tinies crawl onto his palm.

“This is....is this how it always feels?” Tommy asked quietly after a moment.

Phil chuckled and patted Tommy’s hand, “Yeah mate. It’s weird isn’t it?”

Tommy let out a breathy laugh as he finally set the tinies back down. They disappeared and then after a moment they were all humans again.

Tommy gave Wilbur one last wide smile before allowing the game to bring him back to his original height.

Once he had reappeared Wilbur knelt down beside the table and offered his hand to Tommy. With new found appreciation Tommy climbed in with a knowing smile. His brother’s fingers gently pressed against his back as if he was trying to hug the small boy.

“It’s always scary yaknow... holding someone that’s so so small,” Wilbur whispered after a moment, “But it’s also nice. I can keep you safe because of it, it’s weird but...a good weird.”

Behind the tall man Tubbo nodded in agreement before saying his goodbye to leave the two alone. Soon after Phil left the game too, and after almost another half hour of switching between sizes to hold each other, Wilbur and Tommy logged off.

When Tommy pulled the headset off of his face it took him a moment to stabilize himself in the present. But as he said goodnight to his parents he couldn’t stop thinking about the feeling of having Wilbur in his hand.

The man who was usually to tall and strong had looked so...delicate in his hands. He wished he could be with him again so he could let Wilbur hold him close, but that would have to wait until the next meet up.

Until then he could fall asleep to the memories of having his friends safe in his hands.

Taglist:

@encaos @blurrybunnie @brooky71

(I’m also including this ask with this prompt since I couldn’t think of another way to make a size swap make sense in this au, I hope that’s okay anon :] )

#little streamer au #corywrites #roman ask #fluff #t!tommy #g!wilbur

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succubusphan · 3 years

Text

Only Phans

Summary: Dan was enjoying his new sex toy as he watches Phil's new PPV video when he got an intriguing DM.

Rating: E

Tags: Thirst trapping, Phil is a YouTuber with an OnlyFans, Dan is one of his best clients. There is smut but it's brief since it's not the point of the fic.

Word Count: 1k

A/n: This is part of my project 100 fics: I'm posting 7 fics before April 22nd so that my OSPBB fic can be my 100th story posted. I don't have them written so this could fail but I'm pretty set on it, so I hope to do it. PS: I wrote pretty late so I'm sure there are mistakes but I'll catch them in the morning.

Read on ao3

Dan set a few pillows against his bed frame and settle down on them, excitement running through his naked body. His new sex toy had arrived the day before, it was a bulky contraption consisting of a plastic base with handles at its side and a space to place a fleshlight in and get a nice automated wank. His skin had been itching to try it out but he had saved his first ride for Phil’s weekly pay per view DM. Dan was one of his top fans so he was on a special list, or so had Phil said. As soon as he got the OnlyFans notification, he lubed his cock and his favourite fleshjack before attaching it to the device. The idea of a machine that could move your fleshjack on your cock was both weird and amazing, so before letting it anywhere near his junk, he flipped the switch and watched it move up and down, playing around with the speed and the depth of the stroke. He was going to enjoy this.

With a huge smile on his face, Dan lowered the toy onto his cock, grabbed his Vr headset and pressed play on the video as he turned the 'Universal Launch' on. His brain couldn’t choose what to focus on, his cock was being stroked in a way that was making him drool he was watching Phil’s new video which was a fucking treat. It was honestly the best 150 pounds he had ever invested, the video was a pov of Phil sucking cock and looking straight into his eyes. Dan could only dream of that ever happening to him, having those gorgeous pink lips wrapped around his cock and sucking him dry, he moaned, he would die a happy man.

Dan’s legs shook as he came way too fast, but it didn’t bother him since he had nobody to impress but himself.

He turned off the toy and slowly pulled it off his cock, his come dripping all over his chest in the process. He set it aside along with the Vr headset and didn’t bother moving to clean anything up just yet. A long and happy sigh escaped his lips as he thought back to the ongoing conversation he had with Phil, he wouldn’t dare say he and Phil had a thing; that would be silly. Phil just enjoyed the attention and money that came from his sex work. To him, this was a very lucrative hobby, not a relationship. God, Dan would love to pretend it was, but he knew it wasn’t. It wasn’t even Phil’s main job; he was quite a popular Youtuber.

Sometimes Dan wished he was rich. Then, he would feel more confident to pursue Phil outside of their little chats. If he had the money to spoil Phil rotten he would. He would give it all away for him. Was it possible to fall in love with someone you’ve never met? Probably not. That’s why he never mentioned Phil to his therapist. He didn’t want her to get the wrong impression of the situation. It’s not like he was some sort of pervert chasing after his favourite star…

He scrambled to remove the headset when he heard the OnlyFans notification. It was a DM from Phil.

Only Phans:

How did you like my video?

Danjh91:

I loved it. You looked so beautiful in it.

Only Phans:

Just beautiful?

Danjh91:

Fine, it was hot. I came in like two minutes like a freaking teenager.

Only Phans:

Show me.

Danjh91:

I don’t think I can send you pictures here.

Only Phans:

I know you follow me on Twitter. I’ll follow you back so you can DM me.

Dan looked around himself, his bed was a mess, he was a mess. Did he really want to show Phil how nasty he looks?

His phone dinged, letting him know that Phil had followed him.

“Fuck, fuck fuck fuckity fuck. Uuuuummm.” Dan cursed as he opened his front camera and tried to arrange his curls into somewhat of a more decent style, but his state was unsalvagable. He wasn’t sure he wanted to do this, not because he didn’t want to DM Phil a nude but because his self-esteem was not doing great. Phil was an absolute God with everything in its right place and a massive cock. What did he have to offer?

Phil Lester

Hey Dan. Do you have some juicy pictures for me?

Daniel Howell:

I look… not great right now.

Phil Lester:

Great. Show me the mess you made because of the video I sent you. If you want, that is.

Daniel Howell:

Ok, give me a sec.

He laid back against the mountain of pillows he’d been resting on and angled his phone so his flushed face, sweaty and come covered chest and his soft cock were in the frame before taking a few pictures. He briefly wondered if he should attempt to add a dirty message but he felt stupid even thinking about what to say.

Daniel Howell:

(Image)

Phil Lester:

Fuck! Do you wanna meet up?

Dan dropped his phone and cursed as it landed right on his nose.

Daniel Howell:

What? Really?

Phil Lester:

Yeah. I mean, would you be interested in shooting something with me for my account?

Daniel Howell:

Hmm. I don’t know. I’m not sure I would like everyone to see me naked.

Phil Lester:

What if it was just me?

Daniel Howell:

Is this really happening?

Phil Lester:

Yes, unless I read this all wrong and you don’t want to.

Daniel Howell:

No! No! I would love to meet you. What would I need to do for that?

I’m not rich.

Phil Lester:

I’m not charging you…

Daniel Howell:

Then, would you like to go out for a coffee before that? I would like to get to know you a bit. If that’s ok.

Phil Lester:

Actually, that sounds perfect. Are you free now?

Daniel Howell:

Let me have a shower and I’ll meet you at Trafalgar square, by the fountain.

Phil Lester:

Ok, see you there in one hour.

Dan smiled. This was going to be an amazing day.

#phanfiction #phanfic #succubusphan fics #project 100

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sisterssafespace · 3 years

Note

السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته، أخوات

i have some bad coping mechanisms because of situations i’ve been through as a child. honestly, i’m trying to change & find better coping mechanisms - journaling, gym anything positive. but, it is a slow process because i’m still healing. ‎الحمد لله على كل حال

i think these coping mechanism are starting to influence those around me? for example, i shutdown a lot when i’m triggered by something or upset; now they do too. i purposefully distance myself from other when i’m upset; now they do too.

it’s sort of discouraging because i feel like i’m trying so hard to change. yet i can see them doing what i’m trying so hard to leave behind?

then i start to think what if they had always been like this. however, i’m only noticing now but, i feel like this is less likely because i’ve known them for years.

not once have i seen these negative traits in them. now, i see these traits in them more & more with each day.

i want to speak to them about it but, everytime i do they say ‘i have always been like this.’ i feel as though it’s not true because with me they have never been like that.

sometimes, i think it’s because my actions have hurt them? so, when i’m upset& i distance myself from them they are hurt. by copying what i do i end up feeling the same way they do. الله أعلم

these are only my thoughts. if you could offer some advice it’d be a great help too.

-🤍

و عليكم السلام و رحمة الله و بركاته beautiful soul 🍃

I hope you are in the best shape of health and Iman.

Reading your asks I had two seperate ideas pop up in my mind: it reminded me of a conversation I had with my therapist a few sessions ago about coping mechanisms, and of Mufti Menk's last khutbah this Friday that was posted on YouTube about heart breaks. I will start with the latter because it is a very brief idea. Mufti Menk said we do talk about being broken hearted but how much of our doing did break other people's hearts. - well this is about the part you mentioned about the thought that you might have hurt those people around you by isolating and distancing yourself in the past - I really don't mean anything with it, your words just reminded me of the khutbah and I wanted to share, you might want to check it, it's there on YouTube. I can link you the video if you want 😘

Moving on to the main point: coping mechanisms, and I quote my therapist (shhh don't tell her 😅) : coping mechanisms are tools that come with our personalities. They are not something we choose. They are related/ specific to each personality type, and we dont get to judge or evaluate if they are good or bad. /End quote. However, depending on the level of our self-awareness and knowledge, we can identify the patterns that are 'unhealthy' and try to replace them with healthier ones. Which is something you are already doing sis! You are finding your escape on journaling, gym, etc. That's great! I really congratulate you on this transformation. Proud of you! Allahuma barik ✨ The thing is, we can't always control our reactions? Because they are steaming from the emotional part in our brain, and the rational part needs a bit of buffering before it takes the wheel? So maybe sometimes we catch ourselves doing the unhealthy behaviors as an immediate response, then we take a break, we rationalize, and decide to break/ stop that pattern and opt for something healthier, with little damage? What I am saying is, it is not a work of magic, nor is it a software code, even if we try to condition our brain to work the heathier way, sometimes we find ourselves falling into our old traps, and when that happens, we shouldn't be upset or disappointed in ourselves (or in therapy for example), we should just take a breath, understand ourselves, understand our triggers, break the pattern and switch to the healthier coping mechanisms. I remember my therapist referring to them as " emotional paracetamol " pills, that should be always in our pocket and we should take them whenever necessary.

Now, I need to stop myself from deviating. Referring to your story, tbh, I do believe that these people in your life could be honest when they said that they have always been like that, maybe you really never noticed, because you lacked the self-awareness before? And when we don't know/ can't identify something, it is evident that we wouldn't see it in others, when we see it we can't identify it, we can't name it.. with that being said, maybe growing up and in your teen years with all the emotional tornment that comes with adolescence, you never really paid attention? So my advice on this matter is : let it go, don't give it heavier weight, and forgive yourself. Don't stay hung up on the past and what you can't change, rather invest all your energy on the present and how you can be there for them. Also, it is very normal if you find that person a bit reserved when you start trying to connect with them and get them to open up. Usually we tend to feel weird and wary when someone starts to behave differently towards us? Even if the new behavior is the healthier one, the behavior we had always waited for them to adopt and wished for..? It's confusing tbh, and we start doubting their intentions maybe because a part of us don't want to get our hopes up to be crashed again? Maybe because we have trust issues? Do you get my point? So I think you should be persistent even if they don't show compliance at first, you should show them that you are in it for the long run and that you really are there for them, you want to support them, fix whatever is wrong and help them heal and grow.. so basically what I am saying is don't be discouraged if they are still closed off, don't back down, keep trying.. in shaa Allah eventually they will open up and they will be grateful you didn't give up on them.. 🤍 And it's only then when they feel safe that you can start talking about the unhealthy coping mechanisms and the 'negative traits' like you said, because at any point before that trust is built, they will feel probably feel attacked and they will feel offended, yk? So be patient, and take it slow with them, nobody said this was easy, but it's only the 'special ones, the strong ones' do decide to break toxic cycles and unhealthy patterns, the average continue to exist randomly aimlessly and continue spreading and repeating those cycles, in vain. I am proud of you sis 🤍

May Allah swt help you break the cycle, and cross the bridge to a healthier stage of life. May Allah swt mend your heart and fill its cracks with light and Iman. Ameen. 🤍

P.s. A special thank you wa jazaki Allahu kulla Khayr for sending this as anonymous even tho we can (already had) have this conversation on DMs (or at least a bit of it), I feel like the reason behind your anon is that you are trying to spread awareness, encourage sisters who have problems to seek help and share their stories, and to actually take the first step and in shaa Allah more sisters will follow and the chain of comfort, help and support will start forming .. 😍 so thank you thank you thank you habibty, your encouragement and support to me and to this page means the world to me ❤️

- A. Z. 🍃

#FIRST STORY #coping mechanisms #sisterssafespace #asks #Alhamdulillah

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yamagucji · 4 years

Text

a series of thank you’s i’ve been meaning to give for a while now. please note i couldn’t get everyone bc im smol brained and im forgetful :(( also its vedy long so i added a readmore link but if it’s okay then i can remove it!

i would’ve preferred to go to your inboxes/dm’s but im scared t🤢umblrs going to glitch on me if i do it again a ha ha

@doublemoons

i remember you sent in my first ever request and i was SO happy like🥺 my account had no visibility on week 1 but then you somehow found my blog and since then you’ve been supporting me. i love the aesthetic of your blog and i always look forward to your rb’s because they so cute and insightful !! ik we haven’t talked much but i definitely perceive u as a gentle person here’s 1k hearts for you and you only <3

@insanityqueen

please i was *intense squealing* and *happy noises* when you said you wanted to be mutuals :’) im definitely uhhh way too immature for u but you still stick with all the caps and !!! i send you😭 you’re such an interesting, talented person. day 1 you got me HOOKED with your art and im gonna say this again,, i have never seen skin look soo s o f t painted. im really grateful for your company and all your cats and the hinata art you made me🥺 i am not still thirsting over it i swear and then you sent me pieces of your writing and i def expected hc’s but then BOOM🧍‍♀️ im so amazed by your writing. also you are vv pretty i hope you know that

@zephyrria

matching heart memes matching heart memes😾 i don’t talk to you as much but our main form of communication is literally exchanging heart memes w/o a word,,, if that isn’t true love idk what is :// anyway i love our little convos so much it always brightens my day! and omg lets not forget when you made me a drabble back😳 like wha- HUH !! i was so touched i rlly went boom boom woosh bc no ones ever written me one back and i!! that yamaguchi gives me so much comfort. you give me sm comfort, thank you bub <3

@beanst0ck

hehe my first tumblr crush😼 as soon as i deactivated my reading account to my a writing blog i was like “ok bean is on my top to-follow list” like i thought you were so cool and i was vv shy to interact with you🥺 and YOU STILL ARE COOL!! your works are really amazing and i am vv much still in love w my matchup w suga :’)

@killuababie

HHHH GRR BORK BORK I LUB U B NEVER GONNA STOP LOVING YOU BHH💓✨ bro,,,, when we switched over to insta it was WILD like— our sense of humor? matched. immaculate. please i love seeing all the memes u send me it makes my day so much like u don’t understand😭 and our convos really go chaos sometimes gkfjdj i love it. u need to pull up and play among us w me sometime 😡

@bewwybun

m-my first spouse🥺 even tho it was a joke the first time and i said sike fkdjdjdj but you still accepted my dino chimken nuggie ring hehe <3 bub your are literally the CUTEST HHHHH LIKE,,, cuteness overload !!! i love talking to you sm and our little exchange of heart memes make the butterflies in my tummy go ✨

@mei-writes

may🥺 imy bub i hope you’re doing well and taking good care of yourself. still very grateful for that time you pulled through to check which of my links weren’t working. and there’s a LOT. like the fact that you took time out of your day for me still baffles me. anyway im lomve you ik we don’t talk as much but you’re still a valued moot to me. im offering u free headpats hehe

@kozsma

hi maria👉👈 you’re so wonderful and rlly amazing w your smaus. absolutely smitten over our chaotic conversations fkfjd we haven’t talked in a while but if you see this just know that i’m here for you <3 take some self care okay? hope you’re doing good bub

@tsukkeisimp

dalia, you wondering being💞 please what did i do to deserve your love >;( we don’t talk much but we have exchanged heart memes before and you’re always out here supporting me whenever you can and like!! tysm bub. i hope you’re feeling better from the last time we interacted, and please do take good care of yourself!

@satorispup

can’t believe you made a reputation of having a piss kink. what power. what energy >>> anyway it’s fun seeing your chaotic energy on my feed/tl. sometimes i won’t even look at the user and say yeah💔 that’s hero alright gkfjdj also you’re so cute what the heck😡😡

@tobiokvgs

[ insert 100 hearts ] this for u bub. im still going crazy over your tsukki lipbalm piece like i was so FLUSTERED you really did that huh😭 you’re so nice and sweet, ty for giving me headbonks as well im really glad to get them😌 hope you have an amazing day bub, and take care!!

@bunnyuuji

cutecutecutest bean ever🥺 you have such wonderful works and im truly in love with your writing😌 also you’re so SWEET WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE U GKFJDJ literally you weren’t obligated to stop by my ask and check in but u did >:(

@yanderepunkin

hehe ik we haven’t interacted in such a long time but im including you!! bc i appreciate you!! i know you’ve supported me a lot especially when i just started this blog and im really thankful for it. also uhhh im still not over accidentally turning off anon when i was- yeah😿 i wish you all the love in the world, and please do take gentle care of yourself 💓

@ahkaahshi

frannn👁👁🤲 yes im gonna start with how big brained you are. your passion for textiles and improving the environment is vv cool to me. and then there’s the fact you write these hq characters so well. yes i am absolutely still living for your character analysis. i am thriving off of them!! here’s me manifesting kita and/or sakusa to show up in your dreams hehe

@sachirou-senpai

i hope you dont mind me sending u stuff every now and then! anyway im in awe of your writing and art skills. you brought a realistic yamaguchi and i ascended😳 i genuinely think you’re such a cool person but also please take breaks!! ik it’s such an overused phrase but i genuinely mean it. i care u <3

@kenmakodzu

you’re so sweet and you do really be sending me back some heart memes😳 i go BOOM BOOM yaya that’s more to my collection;) also you and your hq anon interactions go WILD omg it really does make my day more interesting whenever i see them😂 also i do be seeing some of ur chaotic energy on my dash and i am HERE for it

@tsukkisbean

hemlo clara🥺 d-do you remember me gkdjshsjs i think its been a while since we interacted. you’re so sweet and AHH lmao did u know we were in a poly with wiss😔💔 yeah❤️ n e way i hope you’ve been alright these past few weeks, and if not, please get some break!

@atsunflower

miya twin supremacy😡 can’t believe you made me swerve over to osamu’s lane because of your amazing writing. how could you. the mf audacity. i rlly do fell in love with that piece do so THAMK U and that also goes for the support you’ve given me💗

@lespaghetti

ozzy👁👁🤝 ngl our conversations have been top tier im glad i got to uhmm,,, get some of these *thoughts* out of my head. you’re such a sweet little bean!!! that art/sketch you did with the purple (?) themed uniforms was really cute. im glad to have u as my moot and *cough* my vip reader *cough*

@sleepykarabou

our heart meme streak was strong until school happened😔 but i really enjoy them tho!! it’s very calming talking to you (fun, but also vv calming idk that’s how i feel) loving the brainrots we give each other of our favs from time to time :’) also omg OSRRY im barely active in the server please spare me😿 im lomve u

@nerdybreadcollaborative

gee!! AHHHH KGFJJD GRRR u sweet bean oh my goodness. where do i start- ??? i’ve already gushed so much abt your writing but here we go again; i love your writing so much and your attention to the little details is so great. they flow so well and i hope u get more visibility bc it’s what u deserve!! also please take care of yourself and don’t work too much u nerdy bean

@nishinoya-is-baby

ely my plant kinnie, my spouse (?) and also the blog that i dump my h word thots on😭❤️ ahhh im lomve you, you’re amazing. from your writing, to your makeup skills, and your room, the talent really ✨jumped out✨thank you for supporting me so much, i genuinely appreciate it. i hope we can stay moots despite me being busy gkfjdj anyway take care bbie don’t work too much okay?

@art0saurus

TATE😤 the amount of hq brainrot you’ve fed me is astronomical. idk how you keep coming up with such good ideas but im all for them!! i love your writing so much and the plots are so *chefs kiss* (yes im still gushing over mermaid!bokuto). thank you so much for sending some bits of positivity into my life, im really grateful for it :’)

@dorkyhaikyu

EL!😼 you sweet bean. wish i could bombard ur asks but school is saying no </3 you’re such a sweet mutual and your writing is absolutely amazing. still kinda hurt over that angst u made💔 but anyway i loved it sm. also please wear safer shoes next time on big events so u dont get any more BLISTERS kgjdjdh jkjk

@chickenwingspiker

nashnashnash🥺👉👈 wth you’re so cute and even cuter with the little emoticons u put in my asks. i really appreciate you taking time out of your day to check in on me. i think your works are really heckin cool, im still very into that sock agenda one and the akaashi fic AHH i love them sm. i hope that u have better experiences with online learning and i really wish you all the best on ur art journey <3

@miyastrology

did u forget abt our walk to the strawberry field😿 jkjk heyyy atlas!! im lomve your theme and your writing. i have the urge to say you’re as sweet as strawberry bc im unoriginal like that💔 let’s just pretend i put something kute :’( n e way u are vv cute, make sure to take care of yourself ok!!

@derpeedoo

your rb’s and comments on ppl works... i just... my heart is full. im complete. i go absolute doki doki for you. you’re such a genuine person and you give people so much love❤️ here’s an unlimited supply of my love to you bc you deserve it. ty for all the cute questions btw🥺

🕊 anon - still wondering if ur one of my already-moots or not😳 but anyway dove anon i have a lot to say,,, like how ?? do u go “ok let’s check in on aaron today hehe” like am i interesting??😭 i feel kinda bad ngl you really don’t have to talk to me. but nevertheless im really appreciate of all the support you’ve given me. i genuinely think you’re a cool person and you do all these fun stuff like photography which is amazing. here’s the biggest THANK YOU i could ever give <3 ps. your art is CUTE and AMAZING @bee-kins

@simping-for-tendou

do i??? spam your feed??😭 you’re always liking my posts and i feel so sorry for spamming but also vv appreciate of all the interaction i’ve had with you!! im very glad i got to ask you qotd and stuff because i got to know that you like plants as well!! thank you for sharing plant facts with me, it really made my day. i genuinely think you’re such an awesome and big brained person for knowing all those facts🥺👉👈

@wissaaltje

ngl i was very intimated by you bc of all your angst and really good works which is probably why i never reached out to you sooner😿 ur my uhhh third spouse <3 but anyway your CHAOTIC ENERGY is thru the roof i love that sm and your writing is so mf beautiful i wish more people got to see it😡 i will gib you flower soup and muddy pie to make you feel better ;) jkjk but you’re very amazing and i hope you know that!

@smolbludandelions

hehe you’re in here😼 thank you ???? for supporting me even tho you’re not obligated??? like wh- i- bub🥺🤲 you have all my heart and i rlly rlyy want to stop by your inbox and give you heart memes but me why >;( i hope you have the most amazing day(s) of your life because you deserve it SO much.

@tadashi-simp

FINALLY someone i can simp over yamaguchi with😭 ik we haven’t talked much but AH i love the conversations we’ve had so far and all that insight you gave me about the new wanda film (truly a blessing bc i was so genuinely confused gkfjdj).

@oikaw-ugh

just. JOLLIBEE. can’t believe one of our first interactions was u sending me chain mail smfh i cannot believe you😭 anyway po i appreciate you so much na kaka tawa ako sa mga msgs mo and all the good vibes u radiate. mag bisaya unta ko nimi pero baka mag nosebleed ako😿 im losing my native languages it’s not even funny anymore but when i got to talk to u in my mother tongue, i felt a bit more at home. thank you bub <3

@makemealive

hihi👉👈 idrk what we first talked about, i think it was spending vacation in the galapagos islands??😭 riding turtles??? what a great way to start our friendship :’) i rlly think you’re cool and i just,,,, admire u from afar- yeah. sorry this message is too chaotic but anyway u might not have a green thumb but look at you growing potatoes accidentally😌 anyway i think you’re cool i just haven’t said it before because im s Hy

@lostsealscreams

seal, bub, i genuinely care about you. you’re such a sweet person. i know we haven’t interacted much but im looking forward to more conversations with you!! please find little fun things to do... maybe do some self appropriation if you can, bc you deserve it. maybe even treat yourself... or any self care tasks that make you feel better. i care about you a lot, im just an ask/dm away if you wanna talk about anything at all💕💞✨

@hqgardenia - jkjk this is my spam account idk why i put this here but here probably bc im dumb as fuck

#cupid; talks!#queuepid

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adarafaelbarba · 4 years

Text

First Fight (Sonnyverse)

A/N: If you have any suggestions on what other first I should do, please dm me and I’ll make it happen 🥰 Also this covers the blowjob square in @thatesqcrush‘s kinktober bingo (eventually 😅)

You never really fought, it was more often than not small disagreements that you later resolved. To be honest, neither of you liked to raise your voice at the other, having seen and heard enough of that growing up.

The disagreements were usually over one or the other being late for a scheduled date, or forgetting to call back, usual new relationship squabbles.

Life with Sonny, after you had moved in together had been hectic and eventful to say the least. You both worked long days, him as a mechanic at his uncle’s auto shop, where he would more often than not work double shifts, and you, working in Manhattan as a magazine editor. You both tried to have a somewhat flexible routine at home, whoever made dinner that day wouldn’t have to do the dishes but would have to make the breakfast and lunch for both for the next day, and the one doing the dishes would have to also do some laundry. It was switched up of course, and you didn’t do laundry every single day, it was mostly once or twice a week depending on how much laundry there was.

Coming home from a particularly hard day at work you poured yourself a glass of wine and started on dinner, hoping to have it done by the time Sonny got home. He had texted you saying he would be on his way in at least 20 minutes.

It was one of those rare days when you could have some time together just the two of you before going to bed, so you found it odd when Sonny went straight to the bathroom to shower. Deciding to let him finish you did the finishing touch on the dinner and plated it, waiting for him to join you.

Dinner was quiet, only light conversation between the two. You knew something was up, but it wasn’t the best tactic to press him about it.

He let out a small grunt of appreciation upon finishing the food before getting up and putting his utilities in the sink. Leaning over, he pressed a small kiss to your head before going straight to bed, leaving you there none the wiser.

Finishing another glass of wine quickly you went to get ready for bed. If he was going to just leave it like that, so would you. Sure he had a bad day, he was allowed to have that, but seeing as your day was pretty bad too, it really didn’t help.

You had just settled down in bed when you felt Sonny’s arms trying to pull you closer. So he’s too tired to do what he promised, but not too tired to get handsy? you found yourself thinking as you pulled away from him. He was persistent however and tried again to pull you close, so instead of falling to the floor like you would have if you slid away from him again, you got out of bed.

«Doll? What’s wrong?» he looked up at you as you stood there. «You promised you’d do the dishes and laundry when you got home today Sonny, like it says on the planner», you stated, crossing your arms over your chest. «Look, I’m so tired—», he starter, «And I am too, but you promised Sonny.» You were glaring at him at this point, feeling all the anger from the day seeping out. «It was such a stressful day today at work, I’ll do it tomorrow doll, now please come back to bed.» he tried his best to coax you back to bed with his smooth voice, but you stood put. «Do you think I’ve had it any easier? Do you think my day has been that much better? I came home from work exhausted and still did my part of the deal», you spat. «Come on, doll, I didn’t mean it like that!» He was sitting upright now, looking at you. «I’m gonna go sleep on the couch. Good night Dominick», you said, and with that you stormed out of the room, slamming the door in the process.

…

The next morning you had left by the time he woke up. No goodbye or see you later. Not a single word. You were still too annoyed at him. Maybe not as mad as the night before, but still, not ready to forget.

For the second day in a row it proved to be a difficult day at work, nothing seemed to go right. Copier breaking down, angry coworkers yelling, phones going off every few seconds. You could only let out a sigh of relief when you finally got to leave.

Rushing home you poured yourself another glass of wine before throwing a round of clothes in the washing machine. You needed clothes, soon. After that you put everything in the dishwasher and then started on dinner.

You had just started on dinner when you heard Sonny enter the apartment. His head was hanging as he walked in pressing a kiss to the back of your head before grabbing the apron you had given him when you moved in together. «Oh so now he wants to help», you muttered. «I’m sorry doll.» he was barely audible. «Save it, I don’t need help», you said, not even looking at him.

There was a long silence over the room before Sonny slowly took the apron off, leaving the room. You hated being mad at him, but you were tired and mad from the day, and the fact that you had been fighting the night before, and slept on the couch, it didn’t help your mood towards him.

Sonny seemed to thread carefully around you for a while after that, not sure how to act or what to say. You hated the silence and wished he would say something, anything.

After another hour of silence, where you sat on each end of the couch, reading, Sonny broke the silence. But instead of speaking, it was the faint sound of him trying not to cry. That sure caught your attention. Placing your book down on the coffee table you leant over to him, grabbing his hand in yours. «I’m s—sorry doll. I should’ve done what you asked yesterday», he said through sniffles.

Seeing him so broken up cracked at your heart as you found yourself leaping into his arms, hugging him. «Shhh. Baby, it’s okay, I shouldn’t have escalated it», you murmured, caressing his back with one hand while the other raked through his hair.

«I tried to hurry home today so I could do everything before you came home, but then I got held back.» He had wanted to make it right. «And then I saw the wine, and you’d done the dishes. I wanted to do something to help, but you didn’t want help so I figured I’d go do the laundry but you’d done that too. I felt so useless, I figured you would soon realize that you didn’t need me, and that you would leave me.» The word vomit took you by surprise and you pulled away slightly to look at him.

«Sonny», you murmured, lifting his head so he could look at you. «One little fight isn’t gonna break us up. Hey look at me. if last night taught us anything, it’s that we should be better at communicating, instead of blowing up we should talk to each other. Yes I was hurt last night with how distant you were towards me, especially cause I kinda needed you. But we’re both allowed to have bad days without the other making it worse. I should have seen that you didn’t have a good day instead of shouting at you. I’m sorry babe», you confessed, caressing his cheeks.

«But I—», he started only to be shut up by you kissing him. It didn’t take him long to kiss you back, his hands on your waist as he pulled your top over your head. A moan escaped your lips as he found the weak spot on your neck. «Hmm», you murmured, pulling at his t-shirt.

Sinking to the floor in front of him you started tugging on his pants. «Doll I—you don’t have to.» smiling at him you successfully managed to pull his pants and boxers down. «How many blowjobs does it take before you stop telling me that babe?» Wrapping your hand around his member you started slowly tugging up and down, dragging moans out from your boyfriend.

«Feels good doesn’t it babe?» you asked, licking a broad stripe up the underside of his shaft. «Mhm.» he moaned, «Feels amazing doll.» The sounds coming from him only made you wetter as you took him in your mouth. One had rubbing what you couldn’t fit while the other played with his balls.

You knew he wouldn’t last too long but you were adamant on dragging it out as long as you could. «D-doll, shit, that fe-feels good», he moaned, restraining himself from bucking his hips up. Looking at him through your lashes you popped him out of your mouth with a loud pop, fisting his member while pressing soft kisses to it. «Oh shiiiiiit», he moaned, throwing his head back in pleasure. «Yeah? Like that?» you asked biting down on his hip bone. «Yes, please, more. Let me cum», he cried out.

Sitting up on your knees, you grabbed his face with one hand, pulling him towards you, lips locking in a passionate kiss as you dragged him closer to release. He let out moans into the kiss at the feeling, his hand drifting down towards your bra to unclasp it. You knew he was close by how he was clenching. «Where do you want to finish hmm? On my chest? In my mouth?» your voice was teasing, and it drove him mad. «Mouth, please doll», he pleaded, letting out a sigh of relief when you wrapped your lips around his member again.

You took him in as much as you could fit, your cheeks hollowing as you gagged on him. That was all it took as he cried out in ecstasy, releasing hot ropes into your mouth.

Pulling off him you showed off that you had swallowed before sitting back and wiping your chin. «Shit, doll, that was amazing!» he said in a breathless tone, trying his best to regain himself. «Yeah? Think you can recover from that?» you teased, squealing when he pulled you closer. «Give me a minute or two and I’ll fuck you into the next year.» He growled, attacking your neck with kisses and bites. «Now that’s something I’m not gonna argue about!» you giggled, kissing him passionately.

taglist: @thatesqcrush @sweetcannolicarisi @inmylifeilovedthemall @detective-giggles @itsjustmyfantasyroom @detective-sonshine @detectivesmuttycarisijr @rafaheadcanons @rafivadafreddy @katierpblogg @boop-le-snoot @cycat4077 @hannigrams-dedicated-detectives @prurientpuddlejumper @meri-dawn

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frostsinth · 4 years

Text

Royal Flush - Pt. 8

Part 1|2|3|4|5|6|7 - MasterList - Art - Art - Art - Art - Art - Art - Art (<like a seal xD)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! Omg. This was not how I intended this chapter to go. But the boys take me where they will. I have no control over them anymore.

I hope you guys enjoy! The next part will be... different than this. Can’t say much more without spoilers.

Check out my MASTERLIST for more ramblings. There’s also SO MUCH art of these dorks, click the #Royal Flush to see all of it. DM me if you’re interested in a commission! All the best!

I quickly fixed my posture, meeting my brother’s eyes. Burying every last bit of panic in a mask of perfect stone. His face might as well have been a mirror of mine, a matching set of carved expressions facing each other. Though our physical resemblance stopped at the material of our statuesque expressions. Valerianus was my opposite in most measurable ways; where I was hot-tempered, he was cool. My chin was angular with a rounded point, his was square. My face was clean shaven, his had a polite blonde fuzz neatly edging his face. I wore solid colors, dark but bold. He wore blacks and greys. Where I was practiced in military tactics, he was practiced in manners of state. Where I was trained with melee, he was trained in ranged... But the breadth of our shoulders was the same. The tightness of our jaws. The hazel brown of our eyes.

There were few things I could imagine bringing my brother out beyond the walls of our castle. And none of them were good. I could feel Grier shifting restlessly beside me, and saw the steely gaze of my older brother flicker to him. I dipped my head in deference to Valerianus, remembering myself after the brief lapse.

“At your will, Your Highness.” I answered, my voice flat even as my mind raced, falling back into court formalities as if not a day had passed without them. “If you would permit me to introduce King Grier.” I turned to the goblin, bowing slightly and extending one hand towards the goblin, who stepped forward at my movement. My tongue halted over the follow up of ‘my betrothed’ which would have been standard. My eyes flicked to him briefly. “Your Majesty, may I present for you Crown Prince Valerianus.”

“It is an honor, Your Majesty. Though I must apologize for the unorthodox nature of my arrival.” Valerianus intoned upon my introduction, bowing slightly, his voice equally drained of all inflection. “It was necessary to keep my identity concealed until I had a chance to speak with you privately, Your Majesty.”

“Of course, Prince Valerianus,” Grier replied, nodding lightly and tilting his head to the side, “As Prince Nikostratus’ brother, you are always welcome here. And it is a pleasure to meet you formally.”

I longed to shift or wring my hands. I itched to ask why my brother was here. My patience could just barely suffer these formalities while my stomach spun knots. I heard equal measures of curiosity in the goblin King’s voice, though less strained than my own, and watched Valerianus’ eyes carefully consider him. Despite our… complicated relationship, I knew my brother rather well. Like all members of court, he was good at hiding his thoughts. But I had become beyond adept at reading the barely perceptible subtle changes in expression and tone. Especially for those I interacted with regularly. It was how I could sense Gareth’s seething anger and hatred with me (and certainly with Grier) even though he kept his face carefully blank. It was why I could navigate the social demands of court better than any other member. And why I could see, laid into the corners of the lines around the Crown Prince’s eyes, a wariness and anxiousness that belittled his outward calm. It made my stomach flip again.

“I thank you for your cordiality, Your Majesty, and am grateful for your understanding.” He returned, bowing his head slightly again. “It is a pleasure to finally meet you as well. And I believe you have already met my escort, Sir Gareth?”

I nearly broke at the useless exchange, my spine tingling with the desire to shift my weight or turn my head. My throat burning with the need to ask him the question pressing into the back of my teeth. But I waited. Waited with all the patience I could muster, practiced over a lifetime of coming second. With my nerves coiling around my chest and my keen eyes analyzing every flicker on my brother’s face.

“Indeed I have.” Came the cool reply, and scarlet eyes barely bothered with a lingering moment on my old guard, who managed a stiff bow. Grier turned back to Valerianus without pretense. “What brings you to our halls, Prince Valerianus?”

I sent a silent prayer of thanks to whomever was listening for the goblin King’s impatience and brusqueness. I saw my brother falter, obviously not used to such a quick switch from formalities to business. Normally, this might have gone on for another few minutes at least. He nodded slightly though, adjusting after a belated moment.

“I beg your indulgence for not sending word ahead, Your Majesty,” He began, and had I not already been as tense as rock, I would have stiffened at his words, “But I am afraid time was of the essence.”

I felt Grier’s eyes shift to me, and didn’t need to look to sense him taking a guarded stance at my side. “All is well with your family, I hope? Your sister?”

That caused a slight stutter in my brother’s mask, and I saw the corner of Gareth’s mouth twitch almost imperceptibly. The question was decidedly direct, as well as specific, and I saw Valerianus quickly sorting through the possible implications of it. But out of the corner of my eye, I saw Grier’s gaze flick to me again, before back to my brother. A light sparked behind his hazel eyes, and he too spared me a quick glance.

“Yes, Your Majesty. Thank you for your concern. Princess Morgana is fine.” He spoke to the room, but I knew his words were for me. “She is in good health and spirits, and speaks endlessly of the letters sent to her.” I saw the corners of his mouth twitch ever so slightly. What might pass for a smile in my family. “Most especially of the manner in which they are sent.”

I would have collapsed with relief had I less control. The corners of my own mouth twitched back at his words, and I tried not to let my mask slip overly much as I thought of exactly how my sister would ‘speak’ of the delivery method. I imagined her delighted little face at the magical pop and sizzle of sparks; Grier had demonstrated for me how it would happen. A fluttering letter, like a paper butterfly, enchanted to appear before her in a burst of color and float down to her hand. Only to become parchment once more upon her touch. I imagined she must have been very ecstatic indeed; I was certain Valerianus had heard about it more than once.

I broke every rule of etiquette I had ever learned to glance briefly over at Grier. Endlessly grateful to him for asking the question I could not. I wasn’t sure if he noticed my glance, or understood the implications. But when I quickly returned my attention back to my brother, I saw his hazel eyes considering it. While I was certainly more efficient at deciphering hidden expressions, my brother was by no means an amateur. I ignored the lump forming in my throat under his scrutiny, and knew that the moment had not gone unnoticed by him even if it had passed over Grier’s perception. I felt my hands tighten behind my back as I wondered what possible conclusions he was drawing in his own mind.

“I am glad to hear.” Said the King, and his relief was much more evident than mine but no less potent. “What urgent matter brings you then?”

Valerianus bowed at the waist to him, giving himself a moment to recover from the directness of his new question. “My apologies, Your Majesty, but I do not wish to overstep the bounds of our Treaty unduly. Perhaps it would be best if I discussed this with Prince Nikostratus in private first.” He slowly straightened, cutting an imposing figure indeed as he locked eyes with the goblin King. “I would not wish to seem too demanding of your aid on this matter.”

“Your Highness, if I may,” I interjected politely even as Grier began to open his mouth to speak, pulling my brother’s attention back to me, “If, as you have stated, time is of the essence, then I would suggest we not waste any repeating ourselves.” I saw the thoughts swirling behind his eyes again, and met his gaze carefully. “His Majesty has honorably followed not only the letter of our Treaty, but also the spirit-”

“You forget yourself, Prince Nikostratus.” My brother interrupted sharply, and I quickly snapped my mouth shut. There was a momentary silence, where I held still beneath my brother’s scrutiny again. His lips pinched together ever so slightly, and a cold look passed through the corners of his eyes. “I apologize, King Grier, for our Prince’s disrespect. I do hope he has been conducting himself with more dignity during the rest of his attendance here.”

“Your brother has been the epitome of decorum and nobility since his arrival.” Grier replied in equally chilly tones, obviously displeased, and I noticed him cross his arms over his chest lightly, shifting his weight. Valerianus’ brows twitched at that, the only hint to his surprise at such a casual address. “And he speaks the truth now; I would be honored to assist our neighbors in whatever way I can. Regardless of the bounds of our Treaty.”

There was another pause, wherein my brother sorted through the strange social etiquette he now found himself a part of. I would have laughed, understanding his hesitation as palpably as my own when I had been first faced with such a conversation with a goblin. However, I was by far the much more adaptable of the two of us, and I saw him incline his head slightly to Grier. Working to reestablish the order that had been lost. To return to ground that should have been covered initially, then realizing himself wholly unable, and struggling to find the new ground.

“As you wish, Your Majesty.” He replied as he slowly straightened and tucked his hands into the small of his back. His hazel eyes flicked over to me briefly. “I am afraid I bring poor tidings for our people... A bout of the Rotting Sickness has broken out in our main city.”

A cold dread wrapped itself around my spine at his words, and my heart skipped. “The Rotting Sickness?” I heard Grier echo. “I have heard of this. It is not an illness to be taken lightly.”

Again there was a pause as my brother absorbed the quick and informal answer. There should have been more, in his mind. More discussion, more play of titles and discussion of politics. When none seemed forthcoming, he nodded ever so slightly.

“No, Your Majesty, not at all. The last time we saw it decimate nearly half of our population.” Valerianus replied.

My heart sunk in my chest and my hands tingled with fear. Yet, I couldn’t help but admire the tone with which he delivered the news. Flat, informational, almost indifferent. Especially impressive considering that the last bout had taken the life of his mother… I had been a teenager when my mother had passed. Valerianus had barely been seven years old when his had fallen ill. Though he would never admit it, her death had scarred him deeply. I knew now why he had taken it upon himself to act, before the illness spread too far. And couldn’t imagine this situation was easy for him in any regard.

“Poor tidings indeed,” Grier replied, nodding with the appropriate amount of remorse in his tone and features, “However, and I hope you do not find this overly callous of me, why seek our aid for this?” His head tilted to the side, wild hair flopping about his long ears. “Do you not have enough healers?”

I realized the answer to the same question that had been on my own lips as soon as it left Grier’s. I saw Valerianus’ thoughts working; swirling about in an attempt to formulate a proper and respectable answer. That would eventually, at some point, get around to his actual request.

“It is your magic that he seeks, Your Majesty,” I explained as it occurred to me, and only when my brother’s eyes shot to me did I realize the brusque nature of my answer, but I continued none-the-less, “When last the sickness hit, we had paltry methods to combat it-”

“I beg your forgiveness again, Your Majesty, for Prince Nikostratus speaking out of turn and with such bluntness.” He interrupted me, his deep voice slightly raised. His eyes flashed at me, the most that ever passed for anger with my level headed brother, “I am most astounded at the amount of abject dishonor he casts upon our family. I would like to extend my apologies, humble though they are, and offer whatever I can in recompense of his actions.”

His glare silenced me, and I pinched my lips tight together to hold in the rest of my words. Honestly, I was shocked at myself, and felt a bubble of heat around my collar. How could I speak out so brashly? He was right, I had forgotten myself, and I quietly bit my tongue and bowed my head slightly to show my acceptance of his scolding.

“And I would beg that you do not interrupt my partner when he is speaking,” Came the tart reply, and I nearly broke etiquette again to glance over at the goblin as the corners of my brother’s eyes twitched in concealed surprise, “I have little patience for this banter, as Nikostratus has quickly learned, and he does both myself and your people a service by just getting to the point.”

The silence rang in my ears, and I felt a little spike of warmth in my chest. But I kept my gaze politely trained at the floor before my brother’s feet. I was torn; a small part of me wanted to follow Grier’s lead and speak my mind. To help sort out whatever was needed to aid our people. Before the illness spread to risk further lives. My heart ached for them. However a lifetime under the boot of the human court had me fighting this newfound spirit as a cornered and trapped animal bites at the hand extended in aid. I sensed the goblin King shifting, meeting my brother’s stare with a familiar stubbornness. I tried to look at him out the corner of my eye without moving it. My brother was silent in the face of the King’s reprimanding. I knew he would be struggling to find a response, as by any standards of court I had been exceedingly rude, speaking out of turn. Yet the goblin had defended me, and as King, his word was irrefutable. So what did that leave for Valerianus to say?

Finally, Grier sighed, uncrossing his arms to place his hands on his hips. “You are not at your human court now, Prince Valerianus, but mine. Speak quickly, and try to stay on point.” I saw the three long fingers drum on one hip. “If you seek aid, why could you not simply send word ahead? Surely it would have been easier.”

I saw my brother straighten, almost taking a step back at the continued abruptness of my companion’s conversation. His shoulders squared and the corner of his lip twitched. Gareth behind him looked to grab at the hilt of a sword no longer at his hip. The tension in the room grew a bit more, but I waited until I felt the cool stare of my brother’s eyes upon me to raise my head and meet them. Hazels waited for me, then flicked to the King. Then back to me... I knew the answer. I could read it plain on his face, though I knew he could not speak it without shaming my family and belittling his own presence. My own lips pursed slightly, and a flash of rage rippled through me. But though his expression explained his actions, his eyes also warned me against another outburst. I dared not speak again, unless first spoken to. As was my place. And knew he would not, as it was his place to carry the conversation as the elder brother.

“My apologies, Your Majesty. I am not practiced in the etiquette of goblin court.” He began finally, but his voice retained its cold edge. “Nor, I am reminded, are you familiar with the customs of ours. I shall seek to make myself as… plain as possible.”

Grier’s scowl was much more apparent. “If you find yourself struggling, I am certain your brother would be more than adept at apologizing for your shortcomings to maintain the peace he has worked hard to establish.”

I knew Valerianus must be reeling inside, and I took a mental picture of his face to savor for later. It wasn’t often I saw the Crown Prince at a disadvantage. I would be sure to treasure this. He took an extra moment to wrap his head around the goblin’s casual and blunt approach, as well as his barely concealed insult, and cleared his throat lightly.

“Prince Nikostratus, despite his delivery, is correct in his conclusions, Your Majesty.” My brother continued, his tone back to its polite flatness. “I humbly come before you to request the aid of you and your mages, that they may help us prevent the illness from spreading more than it already has.”

I thought Grier might be enjoying himself a little too much, based upon the twitch of his smile and the glint in his scarlet eyes. He must have realized he had my brother off balance, and like a predator circling his prey, he moved in. As he took a step forward, I was suddenly reminded that he was a good deal shorter than either of us. He physically placed himself between my brother and I and had to tilt his head back slightly to keep his gaze. It was an easy thing to forget that he barely came to the bottom of my shoulder with the way he always carried himself.

“And this is the reason that the Crown Prince himself came all the way to my kingdom, seemingly … well, let’s be honest,” He glanced over my brother’s shoulder at Gareth and smirked, “Unguarded.” He cocked his head back to the side, baring his pointy teeth. “I am glad your King has such faith in our Treaty as to send his heir apparent himself. Or perhaps he is so enjoying the spoils of peacetime, he hopes to tempt me with another son? Perhaps I might sign over the rest of my kingdom as well with a new contract?”

Gareth’s mask broke at the implication, freeing his disgusted look as his brow pinched up and his lips curled back into a snarl. The goblin King didn’t spare him a glance, keeping his scarlet eyes fixed on my older brother. Poking and prodding, trying to throw him further off balance. I could see the edges of Valerianus’ own composure twitching, and was put in mind of my own first interaction with the King… not to mention subsequent ones. I resisted the urge to sigh, and took a tiny step forward to my brother’s defense. Very subtly placing myself at the King’s side again.

Grier’s attention flicked to me at my movement, and I met his gaze steadily. I couldn’t let my mask falter. Not in front of these wolves. But I hoped my eyes would be able to relay the message my lips could not. He considered me for a moment, then nodded, sighing deeply himself and waving one hand in the air.

“Ah, but it is not for yourself you are here for, but for your people.” He amended, and I saw the tension begin to leave my brother’s face. “This is something I can understand… I would be more than happy to provide our magic for your service.”

Valerianus nodded, fixing his chipped mask back into place. I noticed a brief glance tossed in my direction, but politely pretended I didn’t. I knew he was surprised. Not only at the prior silent exchange between myself and Grier, but also the lack of additional haggling. His position was obviously desperate. I knew he had fully expected to have to give something away in exchange for the healing magic. There was a pause, yet again, as once more he tried to sort himself out. To return to proper etiquette as he knew it.

“I am… most grateful, Your Majesty,” he began finally, and although to the untrained ear his voice would still sound flat, I heard the slight apprehensiveness to it, “We are of course willing to pay for-”

“I have all I need, thank you, Prince Valerianus.” Grier interrupted, waving his hand. “How many do you estimate have been infected so far?”

Valerianus paused, then turned his head slightly, glancing over his shoulder at Gareth. The guard had not managed to fix his face yet, and quickly bowed to his Prince to conceal it.

“We believe most of the lower city will have been exposed, Your Majesty, with at least half showing symptoms.” He replied, his tone bitter.

I knew his words were purposefully nondescript to be a dig at the King’s knowledge of our people. To force him to ask a question and therefore prove himself at a disadvantage to our knowledge. But Grier merely ignored the guard as if he hadn’t spoken at all. He didn’t even cast his scarlet eyes in his general direction, and I saw Gareth’s cheeks flush with his anger. He was not used to being ignored in such a way.

“I will send enough of my… what was it you called them? Mages?” He cocked his head to the side, considering my brother. “A full contingent to heal those infected and another to ward the rest of the city against the spread.”

Valerianus brought one arm around to his chest, clasping it across and bowing low. “We are most grateful, Your Majesty. I beg that you would allow us to show our heartfelt gratitude in some way.”

He spoke formally, with the usual flat edge to his tone. But I knew my brother was genuinely relieved. We were vastly different in many ways, my brother and I, from our taste in clothing to our personalities. Yet there was one thing I was more than happy to share with him; our love of our people and kingdom. I knew his sense of honor and duty ran as deeply as my own. Perhaps due to my mother’s influence in his life; she had raised him as her own after all for nearly 16 years. And though she had never managed to have the pair of us get along, and despite his faults... I had my hopes that he would make a great King one day. I bowed my own head, as was expected in such situations, and used the opportunity to sneak a peek at Grier out the corner of my eye. Thankful that he was not only a good man, but a good King as well. Perhaps my brother might have something to learn from him, if he was willing.

Grier waved his hand through the air again. “No need, Your Highness. Seeing your city myself will be thanks enough.”

The silence that dropped on the room could have killed a man with its weight. The lump returned to my throat, yet I forced my head to remain bowed. Even as I sensed Valerianus slowly straightening.

“I… We would of course be pleased to host you, Your Majesty,” My brother managed, “You are our most valued ally. Though of course you must allow us proper time to prepare for your visit.”

Grier scoffed. “No need for that, Your Highness. We are soon to be formally united after all,” I felt the tension in the room tighten around my neck like a noose, threatening to strangle the air from me, “And I will be personally overseeing the warding of the Castle to be certain you are all safe from this horrid sickness. I would not leave such an important task as protecting my husband’s family to an underling.”

My ears suddenly caught fire, and I was glad my head was still politely bowed. I itched to speak, to make some excuse or offer some alternative. I felt the cold, sinking dread returning to trickle down the base of my spine at the thought of facing my father and the court at large. But I felt the hesitation engulfing me, my childhood as a helpless bystander settling my tongue into ever silent stone. I blinked slowly, because I knew exactly how this conversation was about to end.

“That is… most kind of you, Your Majesty.” Valerianus replied cordially, his tones forcibly polite. “We would hardly wish to trouble you-”

“No trouble at all, Your Highness.” Grier quickly interrupted, and I could hear the toothy grin in his voice. “I am actually quite excited to finally be able to meet this King Tiburtius I have heard so much about. My mother told such tales of him when I was a child. I am eager to see if he lives up to them.”

Another deafening silence, another few millimeters squeezed from my breathing passageway. My breath was dangerously thin and shallow now, and my heart raced. But I kept my eyes trained on the ground. Do not speak until spoken to, I thought quietly, repeating it over and over to myself as if a mantra to keep me grounded. It was not my place to speak. I had no doubt Grier would not mind, but knew he would not think to invite me into the conversation. And certainly my brother would think it disrespectful to address me rather than the King, even if only for a moment to alleviate the fast growing tension. He was the Crown Prince, he could not request my aid even if he wanted it. I nearly quivered beneath the pressure to remain silent. Fighting harder than I had since I was a child still learning to hold my tongue in the presence of my betters. Those were lessons hard learned, and not so easily dismissed.

“...As you wish, Your Majesty.” Came the final reply, and my heart sank. Even though I had known it was coming. Even though I knew there was no other possible outcome. “May I ask when we should expect you?”

“We can be there first thing tomorrow.” He replied, his dancing voice betraying his eagerness. “I would not wish to delay any further than that; our magic is powerful, but we cannot bring back the dead.”

“Of course, Your Majesty. Your haste is most welcome.” I heard him bow, and slowly raised my head, preparing for the farewells. “I would beg your permission to take our leave then. We have a long ride ahead of us.”

“Nonsense. You are welcome to stay the night, Your Highness,” Grier offered, returning his hands to his hips, “We can return together in the morning.”

My brother dipped his head politely again, seeming pleased with the protocol of the offer despite the informal delivery which allowed him to fall back into standard and practiced conversational responses. “Your invitation is most kind, Your Majesty. However, I am afraid we cannot accept it. We must see that things are prepared for you and your people’s arrival tomorrow.”

“Then I will instruct my secretary to charm your horses. You shall be back to your lands and castle well before noon with this aid.” He returned, and his tone left no room for argument.

Valerianus bowed deeply at the waist. “I am eternally in your debt, Your Majesty,” He returned “For your continued aid and generosity.”

Grier’s grin returned, and he offered his own slight bow. I almost winced. Kings weren’t supposed to bow. And yet somehow, his managed to seem both magnanimous and arrogant. I saw my brother’s eyes flicker over him, and wondered exactly what he thought of my betrothed. I felt the dry lump in my throat shift, desperate to be released. But I held still as the formalities of farewell were exchanged before the Crown Prince turned to me.

He hesitated, and I met his eyes briefly before he offered me a tiny bow as well, as was expected. The look there was unreadable, even by my perceptive nature. Though I suspected it had less to do with my observation skills and more to do with Valerianus’ own muddled thinking. I returned the same bow, and held mine as he turned and strode past. Gareth skirted around behind me to stay at his heels. Grier followed them as far as the door, and I felt frozen in place even as I heard the latch clunk. I stared off at some distant point, not fully seeing anything at all. The numbness spreading through me. The soft click of the goblin King’s boots announced his return even before he slipped into my line of sight.

“They are gone now,” He reassured me, a lopsided smile on his face, “You can relax.”

“...Thank you, Your Majesty,” I managed, my voice barely above a murmur and flat as polished glass, “You are not in any way obligated to provide such aid, but I am grateful you are still willing to.”

I saw him pull back slightly, and confusion filled his heavy brow. Then there was a flash of anger in his scarlet eyes. “Tell me that you are joking.”

My eyes stayed still fixed on some distant point I couldn’t see. “I am not sure what you mean, Your-”

“Stop.” His voice sounded pained now, and I felt an echo of its ache in my own chest. My lips clamped shut, tightening to keep from quivering. “... Why are you doing that again? Speaking like…” He shook his head, and I saw his hands purl into fists. “I am trying very hard to keep my calm right now, but… Haskl’an svrit, would you just-” I jumped as his hands suddenly clamped around my face “-Look at me, damnit!”

I did look, meeting his gaze in surprise. His touch was light, yet might as well have been a bucket of water dumped over me. I felt myself slowly beginning to refocus, pulling back from that distant, glazed look of formality. But my mask was more firmly fixed in place than I thought, based upon the desperation that his eyes darted back and forth between mine with. My jaw tightened, and I swallowed hard. Finally beginning to dislodge the lump that had sat there throughout the meeting. Still, the statue ingrained into my personality lingered, chiseled back into place by my brother’s appearance.

“Talk to me, Nikostratus,” He begged, and his thumbs ran across my cheeks, “What happened?? Did I do something wrong? Just talk to me, please.”

I realized I was still slightly bent at my waist, and slowly uncurled. Pulling myself free from his hands as I straightened to my full height. “... What would you like me to say?”

His brow scrunched up, and a scowl came to his lips as his eyes seemed to flash a deeper shade of scarlet. “Anything. Anything you want. Lecture me on human etiquette and all the rules I just broke. Tell me you’re regretting ever signing the marriage contract. Lose your temper and yell at me. Something! Just… don’t shut me out again.”

I paused, dropping my eyes to the ground. My brain and emotions at odds trying to sort out what I was supposed to be doing. I willed my mouth to open, and felt my lips part slightly. But no sounds came out. Hesitantly, I managed to bring my hands around, and thumbed at my palm. I blinked slowly, and felt my lips slowly close again.

“... I saw it.” He told me softly, stepping closer and trying to slip back into my line of sight. “I saw him silence you. I heard him scold you, just for speaking.” His hand came out, catching around the back of mine still clasped before me. I stiffened slightly at his touch, then winced, disoriented again. “I can’t imagine that was the first time… I get it now, I think… Why it’s so hard for you.” I froze in confusion as he stepped closer, wiggling his fingers between mine. “... but you don’t have to do that for me. I want to hear your voice. I want to know what you’re thinking.”

I started shaking my head before he had even finished speaking, and sought to untangle my hands from his. My mouth flapped open uselessly, and I tried to still myself. I looked down at my palms and fingers, glanced over at where his lingered in the air between us.

“Just… speak. No filter.” He pressed. “Whatever comes to mind...”

There was another pause while I tried to work up my courage. Tried to sort through the jumble of thoughts long enough to push one out.

“... Why did you do that?” I finally managed, my voice soft. It sounded strange, and distant. As if it came from a different place than my own mouth.

“Do what?” He stepped forward, but I matched him for a step back. “...Offer aid? Agree to help your people?”

I shook my head again, trying to dislodge the haze over my thoughts. “... Decide to go to the castle…” I looked at him, hesitant and uncertain. “Did you… did you even think about it? O-or was it just…” I stopped, hesitating.

“Just what?” He encouraged, though I could hear the edge of pain in his voice. “It’s ok, please. Just what?”

“Was it… was it just another game… another tactic... to gain the upper hand?” I finished, uncomfortable with the words as they came slipping past my guards.

Grier was quiet with that for a moment, watching me as he chewed it over. I wasn’t sure what remains of my composure was left, but stood still under his scrutiny. “...I thought it would make sense to. I thought maybe you could see Morgana again, and… I thought maybe it would be nice to see where you grew up.”

I nodded slowly, rubbing at my palm again. “S-so you did think… you just didn’t think to…” I clapped my mouth shut, choking on the words.

“Nikostratus,” He breathed, sounding exasperated, “Please, just tell me what I did wrong! I thought I was helping! I thought you would be pleased!” He took another step towards me, but stopped short as I took a returning step back. “... I just wanted to make you happy.”

I opened my mouth and closed it twice before I finally managed to work around the lump still in my throat. “You did think…” I repeated, then glanced up at him, “...You just didn’t think to ask me.”

He blinked, then threw up his hands. “Ask you what? What was I supposed to ask you?” I winced visibly at his gesture, and he quickly corrected himself into a less intimidating shape. He heaved a quiet sigh. “... Ok... Then I’m asking now… What should we do? What do you want?”

I took another shaky step back even though he hadn’t moved, and found myself bumping into the back of the couch. I leaned against it heavily, easing the weight off my feet, and my shoulders slumped slightly. I noticed him start to inch closer now, and glanced up at him warily. The expression on his face… It was too loud for my eyes which were still attuned to pick up the minute changes of a stone mask. His pain, his confusion, his frustration. It almost burned me to see it so plainly written across his sharp features. I looked away.

“... I-I… I don’t…” I swallowed hard, digging my fingers into the fabric of the couch beneath my palms. “... I-I don’t want … I don’t want to go back.” I forced the words painfully from my mouth, and almost shuddered as they came out. I dropped my head with the confession, bringing my hands up to cradle it. “I don’t want to go back…”

Then he was there, at my side, reaching up as if to touch my face. But he hesitated, though I wasn’t sure if it was out of deference to me or because my own hands were still covering it. I peeked at him between my fingers, before slowly lowering them again. Keeping my head bowed. I felt my mask breaking down, and it cut me deeply as it fell. I was left raw, and so unnerved I shifted and shook my head once more. If I hadn’t clenched my hands into fists, they would’ve quivered where they rested.

“I-if I say it… I-I’ll ruin it.” I told him softly, my voice weak even to my own ears. I paused, hesitating again. “That’s… that’s what always happens. But… I don’t want to go back… Grier… I…. I like it here… W-with… With you.”

I let him touch me now. I didn’t resist as his hand came up and smoothed across my cheek. “You’re not going back. You don’t have to go back.” His thumb rolled against my skin again. “You can stay with me, if that’s what you want.”

“... I-I…” I shivered, and he gently rubbed his hand along my jaw soothingly. I reached up, cupping my hand over his. “I’m... I’m not sure… but… But I think...” I felt ashamed with the way I leaned into his palm, closing my eyes. Breathing in his scent. I was weak, and I couldn’t resist the warmth of his touch against the chaos of my mind. I shook my head slightly and retreated from my uncertainty into more familiar waters. “... He doesn’t know.”

“Who doesn’t know?” He sounded surprised by my sudden switch.

“The King. He doesn’t know Valerianus came here. That’s why they didn’t send word. That’s why he came undercover.” I turned, slowly opening my eyes again to meet his, calming with his gentle touch. “The King doesn’t want our help. He must have forbidden the formal request. So Valerianus went behind his back and came anyway.”

To my surprise, Grier chuckled, stepping closer and reaching up with his opposite hand to trace it along my neck. “Well, perhaps you and your brother have more in common than I originally thought.”

“Not that much…” I said dryly, and Grier laughed again.

“There you are, my young Prince.” He murmured sweetly, slowly smoothing his hand against the tender flesh at the side of my neck. I felt my tension start to ease at the tenderness in his voice. “I was worried for a moment we were back to where we started two weeks ago.” I dropped my gaze shyly, and felt his thumb roll against my cheek. “I would hate to start over again… especially after last night. That would be a special kind of torture.”

Instantly I felt my face flush, and started to shake my head. My heart raced in my chest, and I would have stood to escape his embarrassingly forward words had he not been standing directly in front of me. His new chuckle was deep in his throat, and I could hear his smile in his words; though I refused to look at him.

“Ah, yes. Apologies. I will politely refrain from mentioning that I slept in your arms last night. It is far too scandalous to bear.” He teased, and I nearly squeaked as my cheeks blazed. His responding laugh did nothing to soothe me. “You do know we’re getting married, right? This will hopefully become a regular occurrence, if I have any say in it.”

I swallowed hard, blinking rapidly and trying to clear the fog settling around my thoughts at his words. “A-ah… b-but not yet…” I’m not sure how I managed to flush an even darker shade, yet felt even hotter at his words. “... I-it’s improper until… umm…”

He freed his hand from under mine and tucked it beneath my chin to gently tilt my face towards him. “Says who?”

I was surprised by his question, my hand falling back to the couch, and adjusted my tongue in my mouth for a moment before responding. “Etiquette. Even a betrothed couple does not share…” I dropped off, and tried to look away. But he kept a firm grip on my chin, keeping me in place. I glanced at his scarlet eyes. “N-not until they are married, at least…”

He smirked, and my heart skipped a beat at the sight. “For human couples, perhaps.” He tilted his head to the side. “But we are not a human couple… nor a goblin couple.” He thumbed my lip, and I saw his attention drop to it briefly before flicking back up to my eyes. “I think we can make up our own rules, given the circumstances.” He leaned in a little. “I am King, afterall. And what good is it to be King if I don’t get a few… benefits?” His grin became more coy. “For instance, having a handsome Prince as my betrothed… and in my bed.”

I shivered slightly as he skimmed his thumb over my lip once more, watching his eyes dart down to it again. His words left me scalding hot and flustered, and I made some useless sounds for a moment. I was surprised he could stand touching my cheek considering its blaze... Though I supposed he had a point... I had no good argument for him, nor, I realized quietly, did I want to find one, and so fell silent. But couldn’t help my own eyes flick down to his own lips. I watched them split into a thin smile as I did, and swallowed nervously.

“So tell me, my young Prince... What would I have to do to earn another kiss?” He murmured, easing himself between my knees so that his torso almost scraped mine and my thighs brushed against his hips.

My breath faltered and I felt the flush spreading beyond my face. I would have leaned away, but was already precariously perched on the back of the couch. Despite this, I was still a little taller than the goblin, and he tilted my chin down to keep our eyes locked. I swallowed again, and couldn’t help glancing back at his lips. He stretched up on his tiptoes, lingering barely a hair’s breadth away from my mouth.

“Not much…” I mumbled in reply without thinking, my head already spinning. Our lips almost brushed together as I formed the words, so close did he linger to mine. I fought to try and regain my senses, but found myself far too distracted by his proximity and the heat washing through my body at the sensation of his breath whispering across my lips.

His smile became teasing, and I saw his thin eyebrows wiggle in amusement. “Well, I am sending a contingent of my people to cure your home city of a deadly illness… Perhaps that is deserving of a reward?”

I almost smiled back, and the corners of my mouth twitched. I saw his eyes light up at the sight, and I couldn’t resist leaning forward. Closing that last little whisper of space. Brushing our lips together ever so lightly. I felt him lift off the balls of his feet, pressing in a little closer. But I fell back shyly after a moment.

He rocked back himself, eyes fluttering to glance at my lips again before meeting my gaze. “... I also didn’t throw that pitiful excuse for a guard into a cell for his disrespect. That was pretty good of me, wasn’t it?”

My lips twitched again, and I boldly bent down, kissing him lightly once more. His mouth parted slightly and I could taste his breath in my lungs. A moment later, I leaned back again, and he ran his thumb along my cheek.

“... How about the fact that I was properly civil to your brother? I didn’t try to get him all flustered-”

“You did try.”

“Well,” he scoffed, “But I stopped! That’s got to count for something.”

I didn’t bother arguing, secretly happy to have an excuse to curl back down to kiss him one more time. He stretched up as far as he could go, pressing our mouths together. I felt a tickle of excitement run through me as his hand at my jaw slid back to wrap around the base of my skull. I recognized his trap for what it was, but allowed him to pull me into it anyways even as my heart skipped in my breast. He stepped in closer, brushing our bodies together. My own hand moved from the couch to slide slowly around his waist. I could feel his grin of pleasure against my mouth. Could feel the skim of his sharp teeth against my lips. I responded willingly as he deepened the kiss, and I felt his long tongue slip past my defenses as his hand previously at the side of my neck began to slide firmly down my front. I quickly began to try and think of something else as I suddenly realized his end goal and my whole body began to grow hot.

Grier moved carefully, but purposefully, his lower hand massaging along my sides before trailing lazily down to my hips. He brought his body closer, his hair spilling like strands of wheat hued water down his back as he craned his neck to keep our mouths locked together. I kept my free hand on the back of the couch for balance, and it twitched as his tongue twirled around mine. I could feel each breath he drew press his chest against me, and the heat of him melted through my clothes. I maintained a rolling monologue in my head to distract myself, but couldn’t resist curling my shoulders to better crush our mouths together and let him rock back on his heels. Couldn’t help the little hitch in my breath as he kneaded his fingers against my muscles.

He shifted his grip on the back of my head, rolling his thumb under my chin and finally breaking us apart. Though only to angle my face to the side, then his lips came against my jaw. I felt his tongue flick at my earlobe and shuddered. Redoubling my mental efforts as he traced his hot mouth down the side of my neck, even as his lower hand began to squeeze and work up my inner thigh.

“Shva... vent, non…”

Grier pulled back, looking up at me with surprise. Instantly I flushed dark, and swallowed hard. Clamping my lips shut as I realized I had let my mental efforts slip into a much more physical form.

“... What was that?”

I shook my head sharply, quickly dropping my gaze. “N-Nothing!”

“... You said something.” His head cocked to the side, his actions stilled in his curiosity. “I think it was in goblinese. What did you say?”

“A-ah… I-I… I was umm…” My lips felt bruised and numb, and my tongue certainly wasn’t up to par. I swallowed hard, rubbing at the back of my neck with my free hand guiltily. “I-I was… I was reciting the goblinese alphabet… backwards...”

He laughed out loud in bewilderment, a wide grin splitting his face. I was still too embarrassed to meet his eyes, but he slid his hand around to cup my cheek again. “What ever for??”

I cleared my throat, still blushing furiously. “...To… um… dis-distract myself.”

“To…” He stopped suddenly, as he realized what I meant. I wasn’t sure how his grin managed to grow even bigger. “Well. And here I thought I was simply failing to impress.” He leaned back in, until our noses touched, and my breath hitched with the intensity in his scarlet eyes. “... Don’t mind me then. I won’t stop you.”

I jumped as he nipped lightly at the tip of my nose with his pointed teeth. Then he gently pushed my head to the side and began to lick and suck at the curve where my neck met my jaw. The sensation coupled with his breath in my ear sent goosebumps spiking across my skin, and I shivered. I felt his hand on my leg begin to move again, in coordination as his other slid down my chest then around my waist to rub at my back. Pulling me closer to him as his mouth worked its way down my jugular. My head swirled at the sensations he pulled from me, and I felt my mouth drop open a little.

I blinked rapidly, trying to push aside the heat rippling through me. My mental fortifications were not enough anymore, with his hot tongue rolling across sensitive flesh… I switched tactics.

“... Vent… n-non,” I breathed aloud, as softly as I could, then I gasped a little as he grazed his teeth against the crook of my neck, “Mwun-n… tw...t-twa… nya...” I felt him trace the pad of his thumb across the stiffening bulge between my legs, despite my best efforts to deny its existence, his touch teasingly feather light. My arm around his waist clenched and flexed as I attempted to hold still. “Sh-sho… ack…” He undid the top button of my shirt collar with his teeth, “... N-nya…”

“You already said ‘nya’.” He murmured, his voice husky, and I felt his long tongue flick at the hollow at the base of my neck. Another ripple of excitement washed through me. I didn’t have the presence of mind to respond.

“... Sho… a-ack…” His hand was pressing harder against me, pinning my erection against my pelvic muscles. I couldn’t help rolling forward ever so slightly into his movement, if only to keep from being pushed off the couch. The rough fabric of my pants against the sensitive flesh combined with his pressure was making my lips fumble uselessly over my attempts to stay on track. “... h-hau..” He eased his way along its length until his thumb found the head, and I drew in a sharp breath. “Shit.”

His chuckle vibrated against my own throat. “That’s not one of ours.” He moved his lips against my skin as he spoke, and I shivered at the sensation with a huffy breath escaping between my clenched teeth.

My free hand grabbed at the wild hair at the back of his head, and I yanked him away from his administrations at my neck. Forcing his head back and crashing our mouths together once more. His hand rubbing at me curled, finding purchase to partially wrap around my cock through my trousers. I fed him a groan, sliding my thighs almost closed to pin him between them. He nearly pushed me off my perch with his feverous pursuit of my lips, and I shifted carefully to accommodate him. I felt his smile, and tasted his delight as he slipped his tongue back into my mouth. I sucked at it lightly, daring to slide my hand at his middle down to his backside and pull him closer. I hesitated, faltering slightly, but was only rewarded by his hand as he began to massage it rhythmically up and down my member. I found my own hand could cover almost the entire spans of one cheek, and took up a handful of his ass with a firm squeeze. Jerking his hips towards me. I swore I could taste his own excitement and delight.

Suddenly there was a loud knock that had us both jumping. I started to fall backwards in alarm, and had to release him sharply to grab at my seat and keep from toppling over the edge of the couch. Grier hooked his other hand around my waist as well to steady me, panting slightly as he glanced over his shoulder angrily.

“Ta mal’shon??” He snapped loudly. I quickly fumbled, starting to straighten myself. I was impeded by his unwillingness to free me from his arms.

“Apologies for the interruption, My King,” Came Hibik’s voice, muffled through the door, “The goblins you requested are assembled and awaiting your address-”

“Then let them wait!” He shot back.

My eyes widened slightly. “Y-you can’t make them wait.”

He scoffed. “Sure I can.” His hungry eyes returned to me. “... An hour won’t hurt them.”

I was shaking my head, my flush returning as I moved to stand. “Grier-”

“Don’t you ‘Grier’ me.” He grumbled as I slowly started to unwrap his arms from around me. “You almost never say my name. You can’t use it against me now.”

I paused, looking down at his wrists in my hands. I hesitated, but then ran my thumbs over them. My blood was still rushing through me and my head pounded. Not to mention the painful throbbing ache at my pelvis. But my thoughts were slowly clearing without his mouth on mine and his body pressed against me. I swallowed hard and shook my head, trying to further clear it. Even as they attempted to wander back to...

“...Perhaps it’s for the best,” I mumbled, still staring at his hands, “I-I shouldn’t have let things… get so out of hand.”

He groaned, shaking his head. “This is EXACTLY what I was afraid would happen. You’re going to end up overthinking this, and then-”

“I’ll…” I cut him off, then hesitated, stopping short, “I’ll… try not to do that… But, ah…” I blushed profusely, releasing one of his hands to reach up and rub at the back of my neck. “If… you know… w-well…” I cleared my throat and shifted my weight before changing the subject. “... There’s still a lot to do before tomorrow…”

That was certainly a sobering thought. The reminder of my impending return to my father’s kingdom had the blood draining out of my face. My expression must have shifted noticeably, because Grier’s turned his wrist still in my grasp to intertwine our fingers and give a gentle squeeze.

“We don’t have to go.” He told me. “I’ll send Hibik. I’ll make some excuse.”

I shook my head again. “It’s… It’s too late now. We have to. Besides… “ I sighed, “If the King is going to be involved, things are going to get… difficult. I should be there… To smooth things over.”

He winced. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think it through. Didn’t think about what returning there would mean to you.”

I hesitated, then squeezed his hand back. “I’ll be fine.”

The goblin’s eyes flicked to the door, then coyly back up to me through pale lashes. “... I don’t suppose I could just convince you to pick up where we left off?”

I laughed, short and brisk, my head shaking again to hide the twitch at the corner of my mouth and the fresh wave of heat that washed through me at the thought. I heard him sigh again, giving a soft grumble. I looked back down at our hands, and nervously ran my thumb over his.

“... It sounds stupid… but, I’m kind of…” I stopped, biting my tongue and feeling the flush rise back to my face.

“Whatever it is, it’s not stupid.” Grier reassured me, his voice soft. “... Tell me.”

I rubbed at the back of my neck again. “... I’m kind of glad we were… ah…” I swallowed, my eyes flicking over to the couch, my skin tingling. “... Interrupted… I would prefer to be less… um...I-I sort of thought that it… that w-we…”

He waited as patiently as he was able, distracting himself with bringing his free hand up to run over my knuckles and the inside of my wrist. I swallowed, watching him for a moment as I tried to pluck up the courage to finish my train of thought.

“W-well… I thought we could… that we could… make it …. You know… ah… s-special.” My face blazed as I forced the final word stutteringly from my mouth. I shuffled my feet sheepishly. “A-ah, I’m sorry, that sounds dumb-”

“It sounds romantic.” Came his soothing reply, and I dared a glance up at him. He smiled warmly at me, sliding his free hand up my arm as he snuck in closer. “I like the idea. Less hungry. More intentional.” His smile grew. “Still passionate though.”

“Y-you don’t have to humor me-” I started, already starting to get a little flustered and distracted by his proximity as his roaming hand slipped about my waist. I could almost feel it rolling up and down my member again.

“I’m not.” He assured me, pulling our clasped hands to tuck behind him. Pressing the back of my hand into the small of his back. He chuckled almost sheepishly. “Honestly, if the candlelit dinner in the garden didn’t clue you in that I’m a romantic at heart, I’m not sure what would.” His smile became sly, and I swallowed nervously. “You know, all the good love stories have a Prince charming in them... I never thought I’d be lucky enough to find my own.”

A tingle shot down my spine, and I didn’t even realize I was leaning down to meet him as he stretched up until our lips brushed together again. The scent of him drove me near mad, and my mind raced. I felt his deep, contented sigh, felt him begin to melt against me again, pinning our bodies back together. I started to pull back, but his arm around my middle tightened.

“Grier,” I breathed against his lips, distracted, but insistent.

He kissed me again, and I lingered in the taste of him for a moment. I drew our mouths apart, but didn’t withdraw far. His breath still splashed against my cheeks as he sighed again.

“I know, I know…” He murmured, and rolled up onto his tiptoes to press our lips back together. I blinked stupidly for a moment when he rocked back on his heels again. “... I’ve never had such a compelling reason before to forget being King…” He grinned up at me like a fool. “... Can we move the wedding up?”

I stiffened a little at that, and gave a nervous laugh. Uncurling, I straightened to my full height, and he dropped his arm from around my waist. But our other hands remained clasped, and he brought them around between us again. He ran his thumb back and forth over my knuckles.

“... You know about the lower city?” He asked softly. “The layout, the entrances?” I nodded, still distracted by the lingering taste of him on my tongue. “I’ll send the Masters to speak with you after I’m done with them. To plan how to best meet with the people, then how to clear and ward the rest of the city.”

I nodded again, coming back to the present a little more with his words. “Of course, Your- ah…” I stopped myself, seeing his glower. “S-sorry… Force of habit.”

He gave a snort at that, but shook his head, letting it go. “And the castle?”

“I know the entire kingdom by heart.” I assured him. “Every brick and flagstone.”

He squeezed my hand gently, then reluctantly dropped it. “... We’ll likely be working through the night to get everything ready. If you find time to get some rest, please take it.” His scarlet eyes flicked up to me. “And eat, yes?”

“What about you?”

Grier waved away my question. “Don’t worry about me. I’ll make sure Hibik brings me my own pot of coffee to keep me from laying siege to anyone… Unless that bastard King tries anything funny.” The silence grew tense momentarily until he noticed, glancing over at me. He winced, then smirked apologetically. “I jest, my young Prince. No sieging. No wars... Just healing magic.”

I cocked an eyebrow slightly, but didn’t have time to remain doubtful as his arm was suddenly around my middle again. He nearly had to jump off his toes to plant a quick, light kiss against me. Instantly my face flushed again, even before he landed back on his feet. His laugh bounced about the room as he spun on heel, darting to the door before I could retaliate.

“I’ll see you soon, my young Prince.” He called in farewell as he slipped out into the hallway beyond.

I sighed heavily, shaking my head and rolling my shoulders back. I was certain I would be kept nearly as busy as he, and could find a way to make myself useful if not. I shifted my weight, wincing, and tugging at my clothes to straighten them.

…. Perhaps a cold bath first.

.....

UPDATE: Part Nine HERE

#Royal Flush #goblin king #goblin lover #goblin husband #monster x human #monster x male #mlm #male x male #terato #exophilia #monster lover #monster husband #slow burn #angst #monster romance #monster royalty #arranged marriage

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appletart09-but-sanders-sides · 4 years

Text

“I’m me”- Grand Guardians AU oneshot

CHARACTERS: Janus “Deceit” Sanders, Virgil “Anxiety” Sanders, Patton “Morality” Sanders

PAIRINGS: Past Moceit (Janus/Patton), Familial Anxeit (Janus/Virgil)

SETTING: Sanders Sides Grand Guardians AU (An AU in which all the sides are deities or “guardians” of the traits they represent)

WARNINGS: Angst, a mental breakdown of sorts, identity issues, abandonment

WORD COUNT: 1349

NOTES: I don’t know exactly where this idea came from. I was working on Patton’s design a few days ago, and suddenly I had to write this scene. I hope you all enjoy it, despite the angst, haha

Have fuuuun <3

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Janus practically stormed into his home, tearing off his cloak and hat, throwing them to the floor the second he was inside. Large wooden doors slammed behind him as he slithered deeper into the dark.

Why did he abandon us?

What do they have that Remus and I don’t?

What did I do wrong?

It had been the first time Janus had seen Virgil since Virgil had run away. And to be honest with himself, Janus had almost hoped that Virgil hadn’t left willingly. He wished that he could’ve saved Virgil from them, he wished that he could’ve brought Virgil home. Where they all belonged; Remus, Virgil, and himself. In this awful little dysfunctional family that was the “dark” guardians.

Janus made his way through the winding labyrinth of his home, eventually getting to his study. Good. I should at least be able to get myself together here. He lied to himself. The guardian stood in the doorway of his study, flicking a switch by the door that lit the oil lamps around the room, bathing it in golden light. Janus took a deep breath, still standing in the doorway of the study. He could practically hear himself guiding Virgil through the same exercise.

Breathe in for four seconds.

Hold your breath for seven seconds.

Breathe out for eight seconds.

Good job Virgil, now just repeat that, just breathe.

Janus felt his heartbeat slow from the violent pounding it had been when he entered the house. He had at least calmed himself down a little bit. There was a reason he had taught the more anxious of his sons that breathing exercise; it worked.

Now that he was more composed, Janus entered his study, pacing over to his desk and taking a seat. By habit he reached across the desk and picked up his journal from it’s spot sitting against the wall. Wait. Do I really want to write about today? Janus had been keeping journals for countless years; since long before the “split” that divided his family centuries ago. It had been a recommendation from Patton.

Now now Dee, I know you really don’t like talking about your feelings, but you can’t just internalize them! That could hurt you!

…

Oh! I know! Why don’t you keep a journal? That way you could get your feelings out without having to talk about them when you don’t want to!

Janus caught himself smiling, lost in the memory of the conversation. Lost in the memory of Patton. Janus’s expression grew bitter. Virgil wasn’t the only person he’d seen today. He shoved his journal back to the spot it had left empty, standing up from his desk with a frustrated huff.

“Oh I just love thinking about all these depressing realities,” He hissed under his breath, unsure about who he was talking to. “Would it be so much to ask to not think for five minutes?”

Before Janus knew where he was going, he found himself standing in front of his bathroom sink, taking off his gloves. He turned on the water to as cold as it could get, splashing his face. He got water both on his shirt in his hair. But frankly, he couldn’t care less right now. He felt the cold water running down his skin and his scales, trying to jolt himself back to reality, trying to jolt himself back into the present.

Huh, that’s odd. Janus swore that some of the water dripping down his cheeks wasn’t the cold water from his sink.

Am I… crying? He thought, running his hand over his scaled cheek, questioning the moisture he found there.

He finally looked up to inspect his reflection, wanting to put himself back together and forget that any of the last day had happened. But instead of his own face staring back at him through the mirror, there was Virgil’s.

Sloppy hair, bangs covering his exhausted eyes. Dark black circles underneath them. Virgil looked…

tired?

No.

Afraid?

No.

Sad?

That’s it. Janus thought. Why was Virgil sad? Wasn’t he happier now? Wasn’t he better off? Why was he looking at Janus like the snake was dying? He hated that look.

“I can’t look at you right now.” Virgil’s mouth moved in the reflection, Janus’s voice came out. There was a pause. A horribly silent pause where Virgil kept that same dejected look on his usually grumpy face.

Then Janus felt his skin ripple, just like it always did when he shapeshifted. He kept his eyes locked on the mirror, on Virgil. Or, more accurately, on where Virgil was melting away into another figure.

The face now looking back at Janus was soft, kind, freckled. Dusty brown curls framed the face, which had a pair of almost cartoonishly large glasses perched on its nose.

“Is this who you wanted to see?” Patton asked, his musical voice just like Janus remembered it all those years ago.

“I think so,” It was Janus’s voice this time. Low and hissing when compared to Patton’s joyous tone.

“Oh Jan, I worry about you, you know that?” Patton’s voice said. “I’m not sure if your heart can snake much more of this” Janus let himself laugh at the horrible pun, but was surprised when he couldn’t tell who’s laughing he heard. But he did look up at his reflection and see Patton smiling at him. Janus could never forget that smile. It was radiant, like the sun itself. But the smile in the mirror wasn’t quite right. Patton’s head tilted slightly, his smile shifting.

That’s it. Janus thought.

Then he caught himself, seeing Patton’s face in the mirror fall into what looked like it could be panic.

“What am I doing?” This time it was clearly Janus’s voice that rang out in the room as Patton’s mouth moved. “I couldn’t tell you how many times I’ve cursed you. I couldn’t tell you how many days and years I’ve spent confused over what you did. What you did to our family, Patton,”

There was a pause, Patton didn’t respond.

“And yet, Virgil chooses you? Over me?” Janus’s voice hissed from Patton’s lips. “I raised him. I loved him. He was my son!” There were tears welling up in Patton’s eyes now. “You… you can’t just keep taking my family from me.”

With those words, Janus looked away from the mirror, unable to look Patton in the eyes anymore. His hands were locked tight holding onto the countertop, his head hanging from his shoulders. He could see droplets of water falling into the sink. Odd, I could’ve sworn I turned the water off.

“Janus,” Patton’s voice suddenly rang out. Calm and gentle, almost the loving voice that Janus remembered from centuries ago. “I’m not sure why Virgil left home. I’m not sure why he ran away from you and Remus. You were his family.” Janus looked back up as the reflection of Patton in the mirror. The face in the mirror took a deep breath.

“You can’t stay here Janus. It’ll break you. Jumble your mind until nothing’s left,” Patton said. Or, had that been Janus? He couldn’t tell.

Whoever it had been, they were silent now.

Janus watched Patton carefully in the mirror. He watched as Patton’s entire form seemed to ripple and shift, contorting until there was a different person in the mirror.

Someone tall and thin, almost concerningly so. He was dressed well in black and yellow, but it seemed like the collar of his shirt and his hair had gotten a little wet. Janus inspected the face in front of him. It was angular, sharp, and unwelcoming. Nothing like Patton’s face. But perhaps the most striking feature on this face was on its left side. It was littered in green scales. Like a snake. Like a monster. Someone who would drive everyone he loved far away.

Janus snapped back into his own mind, realizing who the man in front of him was. Then, he spoke words that he had to repeat to keep himself sane more often than he’d like to admit.

“I’m me,”

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GRAND GUARDIANS AU TAGLIST:

@galactic-magick , @zadi-jyne , (DM me or send me an ask if you’d like to be added <3)

#sanders sides #sanders sides fanfic #ss grand guardians #apple's writing #moceit #sanders sides janus #janus sanders #deceit sanders #sanders sides deceit #patton sanders #sanders sides patton #virgil sanders #sanders sides virgil #sanders sides au

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blueeyedgeorgie · 4 years

Text

Pretty Boy-A.E

“There’s always stories about *Person* helping reader through insecurities, but could we maybe switch that around? Can we get a fic where reader helps Alex through his insecurities? He’s been tweeting and saying he feels ugly for the past couple weeks and it breaks my heart and I just want to comfort him.”

Pairing: ImAllexx x Reader

Word Count: 1.3k+

______________

"Hurry up, or I'll unpause the movie!" Today was Netflix day. When Netflix day would come around, Mia and Y/n would find a day they were both free just to binge-watch something together. Will would always get jealous of Y/n stealing Mia away some days. "She's my girlfriend, Y/n!" Will whined over Y/n's phone. "She's my friend, Will!" Y/n copied Will's whining, "I'm one of the reasons you two met each other." "I wanna spend time with my girlfriend too," Will continued to whine. "You spend plenty of time with her, It's just one day every few weeks," Y/n let out a sigh. "Fine, I'll talk to you later," Will let out a huff. "Alright, See you," Y/n only let out a small chuckle as she hit the 'end call' button. E.T was paused on the TV, Mia had needed to use the bathroom, giving Y/n a moment to herself. It had been a while since Y/n last checked her social medias, so of course she found herself opening up Twitter as she waited for her friend to come out of the bathroom. Y/n didn't expect much to show up in her feed, maybe a few funny tweets from her friends, but that was about it. As she scrolled, a few tweets appeared from Alex. 'just gonna stand there and watch willne sleep.' 'What the fuck is #babyimallexx and why is it a thing.' It was always easy to let out a laugh from Alex's tweets, Y/n had always found him funny. As Y/n continued to scroll, a few more tweets of Alex's appeared on her phone. 'I'm emotionally and mentally exhausted and have finally caved in and am looking for someone to do part time editing work, if anyone has any friends or know of somebody who can replicate my style please dm me or email me. Thanks in advance.' Emotionally and mentally exhausted? There was no possible way for that to be a good sign. Y/n cared about Alex deeply, they had been friends since forever. They had met through Mia and Will. After a couple of months of getting closer and closer, Alex had told Y/n about how he had suffered from anxiety. Anxiety with Alex was never a small thing. Even when it came to meeting Y/n, he was nervous. What if she didn't like him? What if Y/n turned out to be a total bitch? Maybe she should check up on Alex. Y/n pulled up Alex's contact on messenger, already thinking of something casual to text him. 'What's your plans for today?' "Alright, unpause E.T!" Mia grinned, jumping on the couch. Y/n jumped, she hadn't realized her friend had come back into the living room. "Okay, okay!" Y/n brought a smile to her face, "Unpausing E.T!" Y/n took one more glance at her phone, Y/n was still on delivered. It wasn't any big deal, she had only sent the text a few seconds ago. As E.T played on the TV, Y/n couldn't pull her thoughts away from Alex. The more and more she thought about him, the more worried she became. When Y/n's phone finally buzzed, Y/n was quick to pull her phone out of her pocket, her eyes scanning over her notifications. One text message from Alex. 'Nothing much, George helped me put my new desk together and I might film a new video later.' A smile came to Y/n's face from just the thought of both George and Alex trying to manage to build a desk together. It'd be interesting to see how the desk turned out. They most likely did a good job, but of course they would've struggled for quite a bit of time while trying to figure out what tools were what. Y/n could only imagine what their conversation was like during the process. “George, which one is a wrench again?” “I don't know, why don't you just google it?” “Because I'm holding these two pieces together.” Eventually, E.T came to an end with the alien heading home. Mia had stayed around for a bit, just to take a couple of photos together and talk. Finally, Mia had left with a text from Will telling her he missed her. As soon as Mia left, Y/n made her way over to George and Alex's flat. A moment or two after Y/n had knocked on the boys' front door, the door had opened to reveal George. "Hey, Y/n." "Hey, George. Is Alex home?" Y/n flashed a small smile. "Yeah, he's in his room. Come on in," George had moved out of the way, allowing Y/n to step into the flat. Y/n made her way to Alex's room. Before she entered the room, Y/n gave a gentle knock to the door. A small "come in" could be heard by her friend. "Hey, Alex," Y/n opened the door. "Oh, hey Y/n," Alex leaned back in his chair. "You started working on your video yet?" Y/n walked over to Alex and his new desk. His equipment was already set up to film a new video. "Not yet, I haven't found something to film about yet," he let out a sigh, his eyes glazed over his setup. "Might not even film a video today." "How long has it been since you uploaded?" Y/n replied, looking for someplace to sit. "Three weeks." "Oh... wow," Y/n bit her lip. Three weeks? Alex usually loved filming new videos, something had to be going on to keep him from filming anything new. "Alex, I have a question." "Shoot." "You know you can trust me, right?" Y/n leaned against the desk, looking over to her brunette friend. "Of course, Y/n. I completely trust you," he only gave a small nod. "Are you alright? I can tell something's wrong and I was hoping whatever was happening, I could help you through it," Y/n kept her eyes on Alex, watching him. "What's been going on, Al?" "I've just been struggling a bit, Y/n," Alex pinched the bridge of his nose with a small sigh. "This may sound stupid, but I've been struggling with how I look recently. I've just been feeling more insecure about my face. I guess I just haven't been at my 100 percent lately." Y/n's heart ached from hearing those words escape his mouth. Alex really thought he was ugly? Alex was beyond handsome, how could he not see that? "Alex, you got to be kidding. You don't realize how handsome you are," Y/n's mouth fell agape from Alex's words. Alex only shook his head, nothing escaped his lips. "Alex, you're so handsome. Your eyes are so beautiful, your jawline is amazing, it could cut me and I'd say thank you. As many phases as your hair had gone through, it always looks amazing. Some days I fight off the urge of just brushing my fingers through it. I wish I could just hold your hand in public and steal your t-shirts. Alex, you're such a pretty boy and you don't realize it-" Y/n had been cut off by Alex pulling her into his lap, his lips quickly finding their way to Y/n's. At first, Y/n was surprised by the kiss but quickly accepted it. Y/n pulled off Alex's snapback, beginning to brush her fingers through his hair as the kiss deepened. "So was I going to have to wait for you guys to post a video about your relationship or were you gonna tell me?" Both Alex and Y/n pulled away from the kiss, turning their gaze to Alex's doorway. George stood there, one hand on the doorknob as though he had just walked in. "It's... complicated," Alex let out an awkward chuckle. "Whatever, if you guys are gonna have chair sex make sure you're not gonna fall or break the desk," George shook his head. "I put too much time into building that thing." "It was a team effort," Alex shot back. "Sure, Alex, sure," George playfully rolled his eyes as he closed the door. As soon as the door clicked shut, the pair sitting in the chair turned their attention back to each other. "Now where were we?"

Taglist:

@graysonsbrock

@anyasthoughts

@multifandom-but

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miracle-sham · 4 years

Text

Our Faces are Hidden Behind Masks of Glass.

| {Maribat 2k20 – Day 1: Late Night Discussions} |

| [Ao3 Link] | | [Masterlist Link] |

| Sometimes, when secret identities are revealed, you just need a cuppa tea and some reaffirmation—and maybe some cuddles too. |

| Word count: 1534. |

==–==

| A/N: So I really thought SCAB would be my first piece of writing posted on here/for Maribat but then I got mugged in a dark dank alleyway by the Maribat2k20 MariTim prompt calendar and stabbed by the knife of inspiration. So uh yeah enjoy. |

| If you want to be tagged in future oneshots/fics, or a specific Au, then send me a DM or an ask! |

| Also side note, Don't Like? Don't Read. Also please do not criticise any of my writing. This was written for fun and receiving criticism, even in a compliment/criticism sandwich, is the exact opposite of fun. |

==–==

Heck-heck-heckity-heckles, Marinette chants in her head, desperately needing to find an empty alleyway that she can detransform in. She flicks her yo-yo towards a random skyscraper, and swings her way across the Gotham night skyline, scanning the streets below for somewhere that met her criteria.

Just as her earrings bleep thrice to signal that she was down to two dots, she spots it, an empty alleyway not in plain view of any roads, or windows. There! She cheers internally, dropping down into the alleyway and whispering a “Tikki, spots off!”

However, her relief at finding a place to detransform is short-lived, for as soon as the bright pink glow fades away, she's faced with the sight of Red Robin half changed into civvies, domino in one hand. Marinette stares at him in shock, and he stares back. Blinking blankly, she tries to wrap her mind around the fact that one of her "civilian" friends is actually a hero. A hero she's allies with, friends even.

The two stand there for a solid minute as their brains reboot. Tim cocks his head to one side, gaze flickering between looking her up and down, and staring at her earrings. Marinette also cocking her head to one side but her gaze switches between his bare face and the domino in his hand.

Once their brains finish rebooting, immediately the two blurt out the first thoughts to come to mind.

“Tim... You're Red Robin?”–

–“Wait, Marinette, you've been Ladybug this entire time?”

Marinette swallowed, blinking back tears, suddenly very aware of how vulnerable she was in the open with her secret exposed and—oh god, Tim's the first person to know my identity bar Master Fu… This is the first time I've ever had my identity revealed and I didn't even get a choice—She manages to choke down a sob before spitting out, “I think we should take this somewhere more private.” The words burning her tongue with the acrid taste of fear.

He nods sharply—almost more of a jerk than an actual nod. “I agree.”

Neither makes an attempt to move, both still staring.

“My place or yours?” She asks, hesitantly, half frowning.

He nods again, more softly this time, “Mine, but lemme just um…” Gesturing towards the amalgamation that was half his Red Robin suit and half civvies as he speaks.

Marinette's eyes widen in realisation, practically squeaking, she stutters. “Oh. Uh yeah, sorry!” She stiffly turns her back to him in an act of respect of privacy and cradles her face in her hands as her cheeks flush bright red from embarrassment. God, I'm never going to live this down, am I?

After about a minute of stewing in her embarrassment, she hears Tim clears his throat from the other side of the Alleyway. “Okay, done.”

She turns around to face him again, the blush has faded somewhat in the time passed but it's still very clearly noticeable. She can't help but glance at his civilian outfit. “Oh, er, nice?”

He sort of just blinks at her, rather bemused. “Uh, thanks… I guess?”

An awkward silence hangs over them as they shuffle and dance around each other on their way out of the alleyway. The walk to his theatre house is just as silent and awkward despite the hundreds of questions on each of their lips. A good thing then—Marinette supposes—that we didn't go to my place, I'm not sure I'd be able to handle an even longer awkward silence.

==–==

They take the civilian route inside—also known as using the door like a sane person—because apparently, vigilantes will only use windows as entrances provided there are windows to enter and that the vigilantes in question are suited up. Tim spends a good thirty seconds opening his front door, deactivating a bunch of different security protocols most likely. The hallway and lounge lights were already on probably to try and deter potential robbers—the house is in Crime Alley after all—but once they enter said hallway, all the ceiling lights on the first floor switch on.

Tim guides her to the sofa, which she perches on the edge of, facing the massive fish tank before disappearing into the kitchen. The sound of shuffling feet, cupboards and drawers opening, and the click of a kettle—or perhaps a coffee machine? She can't quite tell from this distance—are the only things to give away what he's doing in there. Marinette has no doubts that he's making the noise on purpose, he's a bat. But she's not quite sure if the noise is because he's comfortable here, or if it's because he's trying to make her feel more welcome?

A minute later, Tim re-emerges with two teacups in hand. He gently lays both on a coffee table between the sofa and aquarium, one of the cups pushed towards her general direction. He plops himself down on the sofa as well, albeit leaving enough space between the two of them that a third person could sit there.

She picks up the drink and peers at it, perplexed, for a second, question falling from her mouth before she can stop herself, “Earl Grey? With lemon?” I thought he was a coffee person?

“Alfred.” Is his clipped response.

She nods and 'oh's under her breath. That explains it. Marinette takes a sip and her eyes light up. “Oh wow! This is delicious!”

Tim raises his eyebrows in amusement and snorts but doesn't comment. The conversation lulls again. They sip their tea in silence.

When Marinette finishes her tea, she carefully puts the mug back down, with an audible clink, on the coffee table. She hesitates and the words Kagami once told her come unbidden to her mind. She grimaces, glances to Tim.

He's watching her with that calculating gaze of his, however, it seems far more tumultuous in nature this evening. He's hiding his mouth behind his mug like another mask.

Marinette leans back against the sofa and stares at his ceiling before idiomatically biting the bullet and physical biting her lips. “How long are we going to do this?”

He freezes. “Do what?”

She gestures vaguely in the air between the two of them. “This, tiptoe around the elephant in the room or I suppose in our case, the vigilantes in the room.”

Her phrasing manages to bring a small smile to his face but not a second later it fades and he purses his lips.

Solemnly, he gives her a once over. “So you're Ladybug then?”

Marinette huffs. “And you're Red Robin.”

“Does anyone else know that you're her then?”

She turns her head away from him, “No, you're…” Her throat closes up and she's forced to blink back tears again. Barely holding back the sniffles, she chokes out the last few words. “You're the only other person to know.”—Not technically a lie, it's not like Master Fu remembers anything about the miraculous, let alone my identity.

Tim deflates slightly, curling his shoulders inwards. “I wish you had told us before, we could have supported you. You shouldn't have had to deal with all that without help”

“What? Like Batman didn't start off alone?” Marinette snaps back automatically, no real heat behind her words.

“Batman's not exactly a pillar of good life decisions or emotional stability.” He retorts with a raised eyebrow.

Sighing, she shakes her head and whines, “Tim…”

“Marinette.” His lips twitch upwards like he's in on some joke she doesn't get, “On the bright side, now we know each other's identities, we can help each other on cases and patrols, or cover for the other in or out the masks.” He offers, sounding so calm and nonchalant.

Marinette shuffles closer to him on the sofa. “That would be useful. I just. I.” She stutters, brain moving faster than her mouth.

Tim grins ruefully. “You're worried I'm gonna tell the rest of the bats who you are, right?”

She curls up instinctively. “Yeah…”

“Don't worry, they're also detectives. If they can't work out your identity then why should I give them the answer?” He tries to joke but it falls flat.

“The magic of the Miraculous stops people from making the connection between my two identities.” Marinette responds.

“Ok, but what I'm trying to say is that I'm not going to give you away even if they ask.” He also shuffles closer to her and wraps an arm around her shoulders, pulling her towards him.

“Thank you, Tim.”

“No problem, Mari.”

Marinette pauses. “So this won't affect our relationship in or out the mask, right? We're still friends?”

“Of course! This doesn't change a thing.” Tim, emulating Dick, pulls her in for a hug, and if Marinette melts into his arms—well he's not going to say no to that, not when he's so touch starved.

==–==

When Dick breaks into the house the next morning to check on Tim, seeing as he never checked out for the night nor did he return to the cave, he finds the two cuddled up together—fast asleep on the sofa. He nabs a spare blanket and pulls it over the two of them, snaps a pic to serve as evidence to Tim being okay, and then skedaddles before either can wake.

==–==

| Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed this little oneshot! Comments, likes, and reblogs are much appreciated! |

@maribat-2k20

#Miraculous Ladybug #ML x DC #DC x MLB #Maribat #Timinette #MariTim #Timari #Tim X Marinette #Marinette x Tim #Maribat2k20 #Maribat2k20 Tim x Marinette #Maribat2k20 Day 1 #Maribat 2k20 Late Night Discussions #Our Faces are Hidden Behind Masks of Glass #OFaHBMoG #Sham's Posts #Sham's Writing #Sham's Fics

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current-mcr-news · 5 years

Text

Carry The Fire Podcast with Gerard Way: Full Transcription

Welcome to Carry The Fire, a podcast where we explore the big questions of life through the lens of the good, the true, and the beautiful. I’m your host, Dustin Kensrue, and my hope is that through these conversations with people of diverse and divergent backgrounds and beliefs, we can glimpse the world anew through each other's unique perspectives.

Gerard: Fiction is something to a degree that you'll hide behind in a way, and it allows you to expose yourself… I always saw the characters that I've played as some aspect of myself turned up to 12... Overall, I considered The Black Parade to be a death fantasy… death and rock and roll were kind of intertwined… Every time you get onstage you have to be prepared to die.

Dustin: Hey everybody. It is episode five of Carry The Fire podcast. Today we are joined by Gerard Way who is the singer of the band My Chemical Romance as well as also having released some killer music on his own. He has spent the last few years though, spending most of his time writing comics, including the very popular Umbrella Academy comics which have recently been adapted into a great show on Netflix. In our conversation, we talk about creating worlds and inhabiting characters, we talk about the beauty and the difficulty of creative collaboration, the complexity of trying to incorporate time-travel into a story, and we also get into Gerard’s spirituality a bit, and I want to give a brief heads up for some of you regarding that.

Gerard is going to talk a bit about magick and witchcraft. While I’m no expert on either, I do know enough to know that these words in this context probably don’t mean what most of you think they do. Some of you might not bat an eye hearing them but a lot of you probably came up inside a worldview where someone who was interested in these things was considered very evil. Gerard is very far from that. If I can try to provide a new framework for you it would be this: Generally, modern practices of magick and witchcraft, while being diverse in form, incorporate various insights and rituals from animistic pagan and folk religion, as well as incorporating some psychological intuitions from different fields and traditions. Practitioners generally tend to be very concerned with the earth and our connection with it. While this is not my spiritual tradition or practice, I recognize that we all have things to learn from each other. I think especially the ideas in these traditions about finding our place within the natural world are a helpful corrective to a lot of the western traditions’ tendency to want to dominate over nature, rather than seeing ourselves as a part of an interconnected web of being. I had no idea we’d be talking about any of this going into this conversation, but in the spirit of this podcast, I was so excited to hear from another unique perspective on the good, the true, and the beautiful, and I hope you will be too. Let’s get into it.

Dustin: Thank you so much for doing this.

Gerard: No problem.

D: It's super good to see you.

G: You too!

D: I'm trying to think of the last time we even saw each other and I- it was probably on tour.

G: Was it on the arena tour?

D: That's what I'm thinking.

G: It's been a long time.

D: And we were playing a bunch of World of Warcraft.

G: Yeah! That's my strongest memory. I have a lot of great memories of you guys, obviously, but the one that sticks out in my head the most is when we're all playing Warcraft in this big room and you had to go onstage, and you literally had your rig hooked up, you had your in-ears, they weren't in yet, but you were wired up, and I believe you even had a guitar, and you were still playing. You went literally from the keyboard from the computer right on stage.

D: Dude, I got way too addicted to that game. It's your guys' fault.

G: It was our fault, yeah!

D: Oh dude, it was so fun. It was probably like, what? Eight or nine of us playing in a room.

G: Yeah!

D: I don't know if it was the tour after that or two, and I had started just dreaming in Warcraft, and I went onstage one day and I was onstage and I had this moment where I was like, "I'm done! I can't," because I had tried to wean a little bit and it wasn't working, so I was like, "I gotta go cold turkey."

G: Yeah.

D: And I got offstage and I gave someone the Warcraft and I said, "Don't give this back to me. I'm done. I deleted it." Yeah. Which is funny because I seriously hadn't played video games since then until I just bought my kids a Switch.

G: Okay!

D: And they're playing Zelda.

G: Zelda, yeah.

D: And I decided to treat myself.

G: Nice, nice.

D: That's why I got a Switch for the road because Zelda's the best.

G: Yeah, I play Zelda with my daughter and it's so big though. We're having a really hard time getting a handle on the game because it's so vast.

D: Yeah, it is crazy.

G: I had to quit Warcraft too. I had to go cold turkey because it was still in my life when I wanted to write The Umbrella Academy.

D: Oh.

G: And I actually had this- I was at the crossroads and I had this moment where I was like, "I can either play Warcraft or I could write this comic."

D: It's a time sink.

G: Totally.

D: That game especially.

G: Yeah.

D: The social aspect, it just ends up being enormous.

G: Yeah yeah, so that was it. I quit and never looked back.

D: So, I was gonna ask you, prompted you earlier to think about it. What was something that gave you a feeling of wonder as a kid?

G: Okay so, I have a couple really obvious-

D: Or multiple things.

G: Multiple things, yeah, I have a couple real obvious answers.

D: That's alright.

G: And I know this is such an obvious one but Star Wars was really big. It just was and I know it was for millions of people. Once I saw that, it was like the first movie my parents ever took me to see and I was really young, but the thing back then was they were running these in theaters for like three years.

D: Oh really? I don't think I realized that.

G: Yeah. So Star Wars had come out and then they just kept running it until The Empire came out. I must've been two or something and they brought me to the theater.

D: Oh wow! I think I remember, I think my first memory of going to a movie was seeing- Was Jedi '84?

G: '83, yeah. I think it was '83.

D: So I remember going to see that, standing in line with my dad.

G: Me too!

D: That's the first, I don't know, there's just those moments where you have those- I remember listening to certain records in my dad's car.

G: Yeah.

D: And he'd turn it up loud.

G: Yep. That's one of my favorite memories of my dad is him picking me up from school early and then taking me to go see Jedi.

D: Oh that's cool.

G: Yeah, we waited in big lines that wrapped around. Even back then, there were a couple people ordering pizza. That's one of my favorite memories of being with my dad.

D: That's super cool. What about Star Wars specifically created that wonder? Was it the world?

G: The world, I think. It was the world, the scope, just this world you wanted to live in, that you wish existed and there was only three movies back then, so your brain would kinda fill in the gaps like, "What is it like? What are their supermarkets like?" And your brain would kinda- and later, that would come into play when I would RPGs, which is another thing I'll bring up in a minute. There was a time where I was in college, or right before college, where we were playing a Star Wars RPG that I was running, and it's just such a rich world.

D: Like a tabletop one?

G: Tabletop, yeah. And it was a really great game and it was super epic because the one thing about it was everybody already had a sense of that world in their head.

D: Yeah, you don't have to build that already.

G: Yeah, you didn't have to build.

D: You just add onto it.

G: Yeah yeah, so they all knew the world so when you would describe something, everybody had a vivid picture in their head, and then anything you hadn't seen before, you would just describe, but people had a point of reference so they would know.

D: That's pretty cool.

G: But yeah, Star Wars was like the first one and I was just obsessed with that for my whole childhood, playing with the action figures with Mikey, and we had our own sarlacc pit which was a dirt pit, and stuff like that. And then the other thing that was really important to me were tabletop RPGs. So, I was in the 3rd grade at a new school, but I still hung out with my best friend who was still at the old school. Anyway, basically he had an older brother- his friend had an older brother in college and he was way into D&D and he would run D&D for us, and we're all 3rd graders. That was a major moment for me.

D: That's pretty cool.

G: Yeah, it was. And to have a college-aged Dungeon Master who knew the game inside out was a really amazing way to play.

D: That's pretty cool.

G: Yeah. And that really opened up a big world for me. So then I would go on to- so I never stopped playing since the 3rd grade and then I took a try at being a Dungeon Master, and even just from playing and Dungeon Mastering, I learned how to tell stories, and I was really into that. You'd learn things even about leadership if you go to become the party leader, or if you're the DM, you learn how to keep people engaged. You learn how to keep momentum, things moving.

D: That's interesting. I feel like that's something that maybe a lot of storytellers are not paying as much attention to as they used to. There's the book I brought you, it's called Invisible Ink.

G: Oh, cool!

D: This guy, Brian McDonald, who's kind of like a story guru. He consults at Pixar all the time, teaches screenwriting, he's very cool. But he grew up watching a bunch of the classic movie directors coming up in the '60s and '70s or whatever, and they all had this vision of what stories were and really paid attention to how- they thought about how the audience would react, imagined them in the theater, or whatever. And then, something he was talking about is he just feels it's dropped off, that interplay of trying to connect and let that influence how you're actually creating the story.

G: Yeah. I'm excited to read that. I'm a big fan of structure and I'm a big fan of outlines.

D: Okay.

G: Yeah.

D: You'll like this.

G: Yeah! Good! I'm a big fan of those things because the way I see it, if you know your whole story, and I always feel like you don't need to know all the details, you don't need to know all of it, but you should know kind of- you should have some kind of outline or a structure, and then you get to have fun because you do know the beats you need to hit, but all the spaces in between, you get to fill that in.

D: I think it's rare that anyone doesn't do that and does it well. Stephen King's maybe the only one that I can think of that just doesn't write that way, and somehow he just has internalized it or something, and it ends up working itself out.

G: Yeah.

D: That's cool, man. So would you say those kinds of things, these imaginary worlds, these built worlds, are the things that still bring you the most wonder and joy in a sense?

G: Yeah! And it's something that I wanted to do when I grew up. I wanted to build my own worlds that people could share and be a part of, and that was something I did all throughout the band was just kinda- and building all these different worlds and the people that inhabit those worlds and the details down to the stickers on the Trans Am for Danger Days, those were all planned out. So my favorite thing to do is world building. And I've done it for projects that haven't come to fruition as well. Like I was working on this sci-fi TV show for a while and I just went deep, and I just came up with- with my friend Jon Rivera, we just came up with this whole world. So world building is something I'm a big fan of. And it's something I've noticed people talk about when they're talking about either my work with Umbrella Academy or My Chemical Romance, is the world building aspect, so. World building as a job title isn't a job, but I think it's- that element is, I feel like, one of my strengths.

D: Yeah. As far as the world building, I feel like you've not only built those worlds, but with MCR, you lead in inhabiting them in a way.

G: Yeah.

D: It's fun to watch. It's scary for me a little bit, watching it. Is it scary for you or is it safe for you? To be in that character.

G: That's a good question. I think there's a bit of safety that comes with being a character, and obviously, I was looking up to my heroes when I was constructing that. I was looking at David Bowie, especially around Black Parade, that's when I was like, "I'm gonna be a character." Early Black Parade stuff was like, I had written this line out that basically said, "What if Death had a rock band?" It obviously changed from that and we all became Death in a way, the whole band, but there was a safety with inhabiting a character, and the character I was during Black Parade was fun because I think in an entertaining way or a positive way, there was this level of disdain that you would have for you audience as playing as The Black Parade. But it was, to me, a healthy kind, because you were just playing really. And I thought that was a fun aspect of that character. But then there's a lot of you in the character and it's kind of- I always saw the characters that I've played as some aspect of myself turned up to 12. It's interesting when I would meet people afterwards and stuff, they would be like, "I didn't think you were gonna be so normal when I met you," just because the way I would act onstage. And I met a lot of kids who were like, "I thought you were gonna be such a jerk."

D: That's funny.

G: Because I would play one, you know. And it was just part of the drama for me.

D: Yeah. That's cool. Have you read any Ursula K. Le Guin?

G: I love her! I just reread Earthsea, the first one.

D: I haven't read it. I've heard it's amazing.

G: Yeah, it is.

D: I just got into- I read The Left Hand Of Darkness.

G: Oh, I've not finished that, but I loved what I've read.

D: It is a very slow book, in a sense. It's not exciting, in a sense, but it's got this patient movement and by the end, I was just floored by it. It was fantastic.

G: I have to finish that one. I love her and her work, especially Left Hand Of Darkness, it does have a patient movement, I think that's the best way to describe it. And I've also loved the way that she talks about storytelling in writing, and one thing I've read from her recently that really stuck with me, this is a quote of hers, and I'm paraphrasing it, I don't know if I'm getting this exact, but she basically said, "Not every story needs to have a message. It could just be the act of telling a story. You don't have to lecture your readership or your audience, or hit them over the head with this big message. It doesn't have to have one."

D: Which is interesting because I feel like she is a very message orientated writer in a certain way, but maybe that's coming in in a very natural sense.

G: Yeah.

D: [C.S.] Lewis talked about that too, where he was like, "The last thing you wanna do is write this thing that's just trying to tell something." He's like, "Whatever truth that you actually believe, those things are coming out if you just write."

G: If you just write, I agree with that.

D: Like Narnia, apparently, started from- he had a picture in his head of a faun in a snowstorm holding a parcel with an umbrella. That's the whole world built out of that, and he loved that image, and his love for it blossomed into something.

G: Yeah! That's awesome!

D: It's super cool. So, the beginning, in the intro of Left Hand Of Darkness, Le Guin says, "I am an artist, and therefore a liar. Distrust everything I say. I am telling the truth. The only truth I can understand or express is, logically defined, a lie. Psychologically defined, a symbol. Aesthetically defined, a metaphor." So even when you're making music, you were talking about you're making these fictions, you're lying as it were. I was watching something the other day, you said something like, "Sometimes fiction is closer to fact," or something in that range. Is that accurate of how you feel creating, that sometimes by- you're getting at a deeper truth by telling a fiction?

G: Yeah yeah. That could happen, and I think it's kinda magical when it does happen. Black Parade especially is filled with a lot of metaphors and maybe the fiction is something to a degree that you'll hide behind in a way, and it allows you to expose yourself. Because exposing yourself is really hard and one of the- just allowing yourself to be vulnerable is really hard and one of the things that Rob Cavallo said to me when he was producing Black Parade was, "Making a record, a great record, is you're almost pulling open your insides and you're pulling all your guts out," and things like that, and it's a brutal process because of that, but I think I did that on that record a lot. There's a lot of self loathing and there's the Catholic guilt I grew up with appears in stuff like Mama and House of Wolves, how you think you're destined for Hell and things like that, but it's cool, yeah. Fiction gives you a way to express these things and make yourself vulnerable and open yourself up and that's the way I like to use it, and then sometimes, there's stuff that's just straight fiction or fantasy. Overall, I considered Black Parade to be a death fantasy. A rock and roll death fantasy because I thought death and rock and roll were kind of intertwined in a way, because I think Mick Jagger had said once, "Every time you get onstage you have to be prepared to die."

D: That's amazing.

G: Yeah! So, it was this rock and roll death fantasy, Black Parade.

D: That's cool. I have the worst memory. So, I was preparing for this and somebody was like, "Hey, ask Gerard if he really wrote the treatment for the Image Of The Invisible video," and I was like, "Holy shit!" I totally forgot that-

G: Oh my god!

D: That you did that.

G: Oh my god! That was so fun too! I totally forgot! I gotta rewatch that.

D: What's funny too is I watching your videos and I was like, "This is so cool, these characters. We've never really done anything like that. I guess Image Of The Invisible is kinda like that," but didn't even make the connection, but it's totally that way because you were building that world!

G: That was so much fun.

D: And I got to live in it and it was cool.

G: That's cool. Yeah, I was really honored that you asked me to conceptualize a video for you guys.

D: It was fun. I don't think we've ever had another one where it was such- well, definitely not such a developed story.

G: Right. Didn't we do something too where we had lights on their helmets?

D: Yeah.

G: Their eyes were supposed to be lights or something?

D: Yeah, maybe it was like a single eye was a red laser-y light.

G: Yeah. That was cool. I'm gonna rewatch that when we're done.

D: So you grew up with the Catholic guilt, you said. Did you ever feel like you inhabited that world, or was it something being kind of thrust on you that you didn't- I mean, it's hard as a kid.

G: Right.

D: You don't even know, but I'm curious about that and then where you'd feel like your kind of big frame worldview is now on like, "What are we all doing on this rock?"

G: Right, right. My family, my parents, they weren't super religious. I come from this Italian Catholic background though so it was the kind of thing, my grandmother would go to church sometimes, but never would push us to really go. But for Christmas or something, my mom would go with her. But I think they thought, my parents thought, "This is the right thing to do. We should raise our child with believing in God and raise them Catholic because we're good. Even though we're not always there, we're good Catholics." So, they kind of put me on that path and I think the first thing I learned from being Catholic, or just religion in general, maybe it's somewhat at times specific to Catholicism, is this fear. And this fear of Hell, that's they really instilled in us. I think I was in the 1st grade or something, really young, and there was this thing that would happen where they would talk about death and Hell and all that stuff, and there was this period which, because of these classes, these after school classes, I would have these bouts of just crying. I guess I was coming to terms with the fact that my parents wouldn't be there forever or I would lose them and they would die. But then the additional fear of, "Well, if they behave bad, they'll go to Hell, and I'll go to Hell too," and so, there was this period where it was really upsetting for me, and I channeled that. I tapped into that stuff on a couple records, and on Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge, I borrowed a lot of Catholic imagery, and that second video for Helena being in a church, and things like that. So I kinda started- and in some of our merch designs too. I remember we had one with a cathedral and a rosary and all this stuff, and then that would come to a head in the song Mama on Black Parade but, yeah, my journey in terms of spirituality and where I came with that. Obviously, at some point, I was confirmed in the 5th grade, so I did that. But then after that, my parents didn't have any more requirements out of me, because it was all about baptism, communion, and confirmation. And if you did those three things, you were good, then you could go as you wanted. So they never pushed me to go. And then, over the years, obviously I got into punk rock and I didn't believe in God for the longest time, and then I just started to really need spirituality in my life as I got older. And I'm more of the sense where I believe in there being some- I don't know if it's a God, but I do believe there's something.

D: Something, yeah.

G: Yeah. There's something out there, there's some kind of reason. I also believe we come from- because we do, we come from star stuff.

D: Yeah.

G: We come from the universe. We're birthed from the universe. I'm a believer in the fact that the universe is chaos and born out of chaos and it's uncontrollable, and there's kind of no rhyme or reason to anything, and tragedies and accidents and bad things happen and good things happen, and it's really just chaos being this constant true thing in the universe, and I came to those discoveries through my study of magick, occultism, and things like that, which I was inspired to do by my friend Grant Morrison. He's kind of like a big brother to me, mentor, he's really supportive and he's very into magick. And so I became interested and he's given me some lessons, and I actually wanted to do a podcast one day with him where I literally just sit down with him and have him talk about magick, because the way he describes it is, you would almost need it to be recorded to fully explore all the theories and things like that. So, I started to need magick, high magick, chaos magick, and eventually witchcraft, and witchcraft is something I felt more comfortable with because I always felt like, when I was reading about chaos magick, it felt like it was about making the universe bend to your will, whereas I was looking for something more that you were in service to the universe.

D: Interesting.

G: I think I got this from reading Crowley's book on magick, but basically, I don't know exactly what he said, but basically reality is your perspective. And that was kinda one of the key points of magick, your brain builds your reality.

D: Yeah.

G: And I thought that was a really great take away from all that. So, yeah, I've been interested in spirituality and things like that and studying shamanism, and all that stuff. We, with our daughter, we didn't raise her with religion, but we, Lindsey, my wife, is really spiritual too. Not like a practicing witch or anything, but she's just naturally adept at those kind of things. She's really in tune with nature, she knows a ton about herbology, a lot of the founding cornerstones of witchcraft is just kinda part of her life. And so, we do raise Bandit with- Lindsey teaches her all about herbs and plants and we have a witch's garden, and communicating with nature and trees and animals and things like that. So we're teaching our daughter that there is a kind of magick to life and magick does exist. It's not Harry Potter magic, but you know.

D: A lot of that seems like it's about an embodiment, a connectedness to everything, to other people.

G: Yeah, connectedness, for sure, yeah. And just teaching her that she's connected to the universe. And if she grows up and wants a different kind of religion, that's great too, and I know I explored those. I was looking for a religion in art school, because I had a class where we had to study all the religions, or most of them. And I kept going from each one and I was like, "I like bits of this one, but I don't like that." I couldn't find one that I landed on until I got later in life into more spiritual things like magick and witchcraft.

D: Cool. So with something like witchcraft, which for a lot of people are gonna hear it and have not at all the idea that you're talking about I think, so something like the idea of goodness in that, where does that derive from? Is that coming from the inter-connectedness? It seems like there's a moral view to it rather than morality being a decree maybe. It's something that arises out of those connections?

G: Right right, yeah! I think the positivity in it, to me, and here's the thing. I don't consider myself a practicing witch or anything like that, I just read a ton of this stuff. And that's one of the things they kinda warn you about with magick and everything, you could read all the books you want and some people spend their whole life reading books and never practice, but the thing they tell you to do is practice. And I think yeah, the goodness comes from being in service to the earth. Being connected to that and also, what I've learned about witchcraft, or at least the kind of witchcraft that I like, is it's very gray. It's not black magick, it's not totally white magick, it's just understanding that the universe and all things in it are very gray, there's no black and white to everything. And I've really liked that the most, because I get older- when I was younger, I was very black and white about a lot of things. Especially in the earlier days of My Chemical Romance, everything was really military and rigid, and black and white, and this is right and this is wrong. You kind of get older and you start to realize, "No, things aren't that simple. Not everybody's all good or all bad. There's a grayness there."

D: Which, I think, I have a song of the latest Thrice record called The Grey and it's dealing with that idea of deconstructing the black and the white, and I think the biggest danger there is the idea that even if there was straight black, straight white, you are betting a lot on your ability to discern it at any given moment.

G: You are.

D: And then if you are actually holding to it, and you're basically betting on your ability to discern this thing and now it's of the most ultimate consequence and you filter out everything that doesn't fit into that, which is basically a bunch of yourself and a bunch of everyone around you.

G: Yeah, exactly, yeah.

[ad break]

D: So I have a couple questions I’ll pepper in here from some of the Patrons. James Corvit said, “What is the purest form of goodness you’ve experienced as a human being, and how do you explain it?”

G: Purest form of goodness.

D: I don’t know, it’s deep.

G: Yeah.

D: I don’t know if that’s from someone or just internally.

G: The purest form of goodness. It’s a tough question but it’s a great question. I think the purest form of goodness is forgiveness. Or that would be something I would say is a very strong form of goodness. Even when you see people that the most terrible things happen to them, like a serial killer murders their loved one and then some of these people, not all of them, and I don’t blame the ones that don’t find forgiveness, but some of them find forgiveness and are able to forgive people for the most atrocious things, and so that feels like a really powerful form of goodness.

D: Yeah, I feel like in the middle of me deconstructing a lot of that stuff, something I was like- the idea of grace and forgiveness is something that goes deep there and I’m not willing to let go of that. Over the centuries, there’s been countless efforts to define beauty. Aristotle defines beauty as having “order, symmetry, and definiteness.”

G: Hm.

D: But it’s always struck me as a fairly anemic version of beauty. And then I saw on the cover of the My Chem single Sing, there’s a question on there that says, “Would you destroy something perfect in order to make it beautiful?”

G: Right.

D: This makes me think that you probably also take issue with that definition a bit. I wanted to ask, is there something about brokenness that’s near the heart of beauty for you?

G: Absolutely, yeah. And that, I was trying to remember that phrase a couple months ago too, that was on the cover saying, yeah, “Would you destroy something perfect to make it beautiful?” And yeah, I think beauty is way more complex than symmetry and I think there is a brokenness to beauty. I think, you look at a lot of musicians, you could arguably say from a certain perspective, if you subscribe to symmetry and things like that, a lot of musicians or front-people, men and women in bands, some of them you could say they’re not traditionally beautiful, or not what you would think is beautiful, but something about their vulnerability or their confidence and things like that, make them beautiful. And that’s in any case, even non-musicians. Like people that just go to work in the world and have normal jobs, there is something about beauty that is much deeper than just what you see visually.

D: One of the Patrons was saying that, “My Chem’s music reinforced to me and my friends that being an outcast was okay.” Was that something that you wanted people to feel? What were things growing up that made you feel like it was okay to be an outcast or a misfit?

G: I think by the time I was definitely not in elementary school- well, I didn’t have to struggle with being an outcast in elementary school. I actually went to a really cool school, it was just a normal public school, but the one thing I thought looking back that was very interesting about those years is we all got along, we were all friends, even the weirdest kids, and a lot of kids would just have these parties back then and everyone was invited. And then my first real experience with being an outsider was going to middle school, and then so, you aren’t all friends anymore, and there’s all divisions and cliques and things like that, and then I found myself to be one of these outcasts, one of these weird kids that listened to heavy metal and wore flannels. There were only a handful of us in the school that were like that. But it wasn’t until high school where I fully embraced being an outcast. The first year, freshman year was really hard because I was really an outcast and I didn’t even know where to sit at the lunch tables, because I didn’t fit in with any of these groups. And it turns out I ended up sitting with a table of metalheads because they saw me sitting by myself and they were like, “Why don’t you sit with us?” And that’s where I would learn about certain bands that they were into, like Murphy’s Law and the kind of things they were listening to back then. But it was important for me to have something that spoke to outsiders with My Chemical Romance because when I was that age, there wasn’t anything that really spoke to me like that. Or there wasn’t something so specific to being an outcast. There was lots of stuff that if you were an outcast you listened to like The Cure or The Smiths, so of course, I found all those bands. But there was nothing specifically geared to somebody that feels invisible or is an outcast or rejected and things like that, so when we started My Chem, it felt very much like we were channeling the energy of being an outcast onto whoever listened to us. And in the early days, it wasn’t a lot of kids. I mean, there weren't any kids that really listened to us. It was kinda older punk rockers, it was very interesting in the beginning. And of those older punk rockers, a lot of them were actually outcasts as well.

D: Yeah.

G: Within a scene so. And maybe they weren’t even full-on punk rockers, they were just a guy with a leather jacket at a bar who just saw something in us.

D: Yeah. That’s cool. The Patron Jonathan Clark is asking, “Do you have any rituals or practices that you do to find your center, wait for yes, get connected, see the good, the true, the beautiful in others, or let go a bit?” Basically he’s kinda asking if you have any meditative, mindfulness, something to practice.

G: Right right. I really enjoy T.M., Transcendental Meditation. Actually, I’m in an interesting spot with this though.

D: That’s where you’re chanting.

G: A mantra, yeah. You have a mantra and you kind of just repeat it in your head. It helps you, basically when you’re doing it, it releases negative energy and tension and things like that, and it’s very good. But sometimes, at least in my experience, and this is why I’ve kinda paused my practice at the moment, sometimes it could release trauma and things like that, and sometimes you end up reliving that and it makes it- and granted, your body is letting go of it, but sometimes it’s hard and I found when it would get its most intense, I would catastrophize things in my head and be- so I would be focusing on the mantra, but then things would happen like I would be thinking about the worst things that could happen to my family or my loved one, or something bad happening to them or getting hurt.

D: Is that something that happens to you? Do you tend to catastrophize in general?

G: Sometimes. I do tend to catastrophize sometimes, and it’s something I work on in therapy. I’m a big believer in talk therapy and, I don’t try to push medication on anybody, but I always just share my experience, and that it’s helped me.

D: Yeah.

G: I was somebody who was extremely imbalanced all through the years of My Chemical Romance, and go through these extreme highs and crushing lows where I wouldn’t get out of bed for like three months, but then I would be in a manic phase, and I would be up until 4am working on zines all of the sudden, and I would say to Lindsey, “I don’t need to sleep. Why do people sleep? I don’t get it.” So there was a lot of that, and then Lindsey found me a therapist and we did a lot of really hard work and I faced myself a lot, I looked inward. And at the same time, before we were able- before we explored and did the work, we stabilized my brain chemistry. That was the key. Once we were able to stabilize my brain chemistry-

D: You were able to actually…

G: Do the work, yeah. So, I am a big believer in T.M., it’s just that sometimes I struggle with it, but I know all I have to do is check in with the T.M. center and explain what I’m going through, and actually my therapist had found me this woman who’s one of the heads of, I’m not sure if it’s the David Lynch Foundation or something else, she actually said, “You should come in, I’ll talk to you, I’ll walk you through the trauma stuff and all the hard stuff.” But I’m a big believer in it because when it was cooking, and there were two months this year where it was totally changing my life until some of the negative came out. It was, I was a more productive, more focused, calmer, more engaged, more present. I’m a believer in it and a big believer in therapy and just having somebody to talk to.

D: Yeah. That’s awesome. On the drive up, I was thinking about Umbrella Academy and I really love it in general. I remember getting the comic when it came out. The show turned out so great. Are you really happy with it?

G: Yeah yeah! I’m totally happy. At the end of the day, it was somebody else’s vision and I was able to let go of that. I think I needed to. When the process first started in making it a TV show.

D: That’s gotta be hard.

G: It’s hard.

D: That’s your baby.

G: Yeah yeah! But I was really upfront when I was talking. I went in to meet with UCP and Dawn and the people there. I was with Dark Horse and they said, “What is your goal?” And I said, “My goal is to make great comics because I already went through a whole big thing with Universal trying to make this a movie and it just drained me.”

D: Oh okay.

G: And it was full of really difficult things, it took up a lot of my time, and disappointments, and I really turned my focus back to comics because I was like, that’s where you’re in charge. Nobody can- you have an editor, obviously, if you have a great editor, you’re doing great work together and you’re making changes, but it doesn’t feel like something creative is being ruled by committee, and that’s what it feels like in Hollywood. I was really upfront with Dawn and I said, “I want to make great comics so you guys have good material to make a good show.” I ended up being more involved than that. The extent of my involvement is giving notes, especially about things like wardrobe, costumes, the look and feel of the world, the fact that it’s kind of an alternate reality, and I give notes on scripts and I give notes on edits and things like that, so I am involved for sure. But I was able to realize this is somebody else’s baby and I’m happy with the results for sure. My whole thing is the proof is in the fact that everybody loves it.

D: I like Klaus a lot and I can’t remember, because I read the comics so long ago, how true to the book that character is.

G: Right.

D: Do you feel like it’s capturing what you were trying to get out with it? G: It is capturing, yeah. It’s capturing, to me, what Robert who plays Klaus, he’s capturing this kind of sadness and tragedy to the character. Also obviously, the humor. In the comic, Klaus is a little bit more of what I call a dry goth. He’s very nihilistic in some ways.

D: Not quite as whimsical, maybe.

G: Yeah, not quite as whimsical as what Robert ended up doing. But the way Robert approached the character really ended up working and he adds a lot of humanity to the character, that maybe there’s not so much of it, or you don’t see it very often in the comic with Klaus. Klaus just does bad things and makes bad decisions and obviously, a lot of that is coming from a place of trauma that he experienced as a child, and in the show, it’s cool because the drug use is there to help him quiet the voices in his head. They explored that a lot deeper and I thought that that was really cool.

D: Is that less of a focus in the comic?

G: A little bit. I never really explored the fact that he’s constantly seeing and hearing and talking to ghosts, and so these drugs kind of quiet his mind. I’d never explored that really deeply.

D: Which is cool because you, it’s another evidence of you’re building a world and someone else was living in it, and then they were like, “Well yeah.”

G: Yeah!

D: “Of course he’s like that,” and you’re like, “Well dang.”

G: Yeah! That’s a cool thing. They’re able to point at things you weren’t seeing because sometimes when I’m doing stuff like creating a world like Umbrella Academy, a lot of it is running off the subconscious. A lot of it is, some things you don’t realize you’re putting in there. And when they look at making a TV show or a movie, they really kinda deconstruct it and look at it and say, “Well, this makes sense because of this.”

D: Some of the beauty with the comic is that the concise kind of form makes it to where you don’t always have to trace down all of these rabbit trails, but when you're trying to blow it up into something else, you’ve gotta figure out how to make sense of it all.

G: Mhm. And to bring it back to the question of a sense of wonder. That was the other thing I thought about this morning when you asked me the question was, “what do I get a sense of wonder from,” and comics were a big one. Because to me- and then I would later reinforce these feelings when I started making them and writing them. You could do anything in them and that’s really what’s beautiful about them. I also love the mechanics of them, because there’s definitely things you could do in comics that you can’t do in film and TV and I love that. So I’ve really learned to embrace the medium when I’m writing them. I think I’m writing comics that are definitely comics, and they’re not just a TV show playing out in a comic.

D: Yeah. How much do you draw your own stuff just to get your ideas going? Or is it more conceptual?

G: Quite a bit. No, I do- well especially for something like, less so on Doom Patrol but Umbrella Academy, Gabriel Ba, the artist and I have this really cool relationship and I think the ideas kinda need to start with me, and I’ll do a sketch and then Gabriel will completely reinterpret that and kinda make it much cooler and much better.

D: That's because that’s your complete world from scratch, whereas with Doom Patrol you’re reinventing something?

G: In the beginning, Umbrella was definitely my complete world from scratch and I had this idea, but Gabriel, especially even in the early days, he helped build that world. I was able to give him a couple references and I’m like, “I don’t know, maybe it’s the ‘60s, maybe it’s the ‘70s. People are dressed like the ‘60s and cars look like they’re from the ‘60s, but there's modern things too.” And he loves drawing architecture, which you don’t find a lot of in comics. A lot of people try to stay away from the buildings in the background and the architecture, but he embraces the architecture so he really built that world with me in the beginning. But we still have our process and the process usually, not always but usually is, especially if it’s a villain or something like that, I’ll do some kind of sketch, even if it’s bad, and then Gabriel will take that and make it something.

D: That’s cool. Collaboration is terrifying and super fun when it’s working.

G: Yeah! When it’s working, it’s amazing, yeah. I love collaborating, and I’ve learned to really embrace it over the years. Delegating and collaborating were two skills I really needed to get really good at, and I think I got better at collaborating after the band. Although, we were pretty good about collaborating in the band, I just got better at it though.

D: Yeah. It’s definitely for Thrice, the most fun but also the hardest thing for sure, and it causes the most tension.

G: Right. Yeah, for sure.

D: Just because you care.

G: Because you care, yeah! You care, and sometimes you do see or hear a complete vision so you want that realized.

D: I think that’s the hardest part. You’re like, “I see all this,” and you’re like, “Okay but there’s three other people.”

G: Yeah!

D: Every single time that I’m set on something, and then everyone else is like, “Dude, no,” every time by the end, I’m like, “Wait, what was I stuck on?”

G: Yeah.

D: It didn’t matter anymore.

G: Yeah!

D: It’s totally a psychological issue at that point.

G: It is!

D: “It has to be this way.” No, it could be a million ways and they’re all different and cool.

G: Yeah. And that’s what I learned too when collaborating on music, is exactly what you just said. You don’t even remember what you were hung up on.

D: Totally.

G: Because it’s just much better after everybody's worked on it.

D: It’s very similar to being super upset about something in the moment and you’re just not thinking clear, and you sleep and you wake up and you’re like, “I was real upset about that. It doesn't seem like a big deal anymore.”

G: Yeah.

D: Time travel is a big thing in Umbrella Academy.

G: Yeah.

D: Which it’s notoriously troublesome to write stories with time travel.

G: Yeah.

D: And not have it just fall apart. If you’re trying to get a specific future, you have to have a bunch of people constantly fixing these things.

G: Right right!

D: I like that way of interpreting because usually it’s, “Oh, we fixed this one thing,” and you expect it to just keep going straight, but no way.

G: Right. I really like that the show took that from the comic and really explored it. All these people making these little corrections, sometimes they’re violent corrections, but sometimes they’re very simple. But time travel is such a pain in the ass. I did not envy them when they were starting to do the writer’s room for Umbrella Academy.

D: They try to make it all work.

G: Try to make it all work. And they’d have to put up these big timeline boards and be like, “Alright, this happens this year,” and that’s what I was doing when I was writing the second volume, Dallas, because there’s not much- I don’t think there’s any real time travel, besides Number 5 coming back, there’s no real time travel in volume one, Apocalypse Suite. But Dallas is all about it, so that was the hardest volume I’ve ever had to write, because time travel is just, it’s so hard.

D: Are there any stories that you like that you feel do it really well?

G: I don’t know if I’ve read enough time travel stories. I mean, I thought Back To The Future did it really well.

D: But then I always get stuck on the idea that you have to, there’s an endless cycle of Martys that have to go back.

G: Oh right!

D: And keep- my brain breaks when I try to be like, “But what if he doesn’t? Then none of it works anymore?” It all breaks.

G: Yeah, it can break very easily, and I think almost every time travel story has the possibility of completely breaking, or at least in some person’s mind out there, it is broken.

D: Yeah.

G: So sometimes you have to take time travel stories almost at face value and be like, “Alright, this works.”

D: Yeah, you can’t- well I think part of that is on the writer or whoever’s making it to address and deflect. The Brian McDonald guy I was telling you about, he talks about that somewhere where he’s like, “You gotta spot the problem and then you just need to have some character address it, and then sweep it away,” just so that it helps whoever’s watching or whatever, it helps them be like, “Oh yeah, what about this?” And then, “Oh, they thought about it.”

G: Yep.

D: And it’s not like it’s making it perfect, right? But it gives you permission to let it go, I think.

G: Yeah yeah. And you do have to address these concerns. I realized my answer might have been possibly a little lazy about taking things at face value, but one of the things I had to do in Dallas was address every concern that I thought the reader would have.

D: Which is great. When you do the addressing, it lets the reader or the watcher or whatever, it lets them let it go and enjoy the story.

G: Yeah, exactly. I’m about to start volume four of Umbrella Academy and I’m really happy because I don’t think it’s gonna have any time travel in it, so I think we’re a little bit away from more time travel in Umbrella Academy.

D: Alright, this is a question from Mike Morale, he says, “In his recent arc, Cliff Steele aka Robotman, regains his humanity, at least in outward form. But on Gerard’s latest, ahem, cliffhanger, Steele burns it all up after facing the painful inhumanity of someone with power to hurt him. I suppose my question is, how do we protect the precious beauty of our humanity while remaining vulnerable to those who have meaning in our lives?”

G: Oh wow. How do we protect that humanity? Well that’s a big question, because especially with given how the world is now and the toxicity out there online and things like that, how do you protect your humanity? Because toxicity, like the kind that Cliff experiences when he goes to visit his mother in that nursing home, it’s a very real thing and it’s something you have to deal with. I don’t know how you hold onto your humanity, it’s hard sometimes.

D: While being vulnerable too.

G: While being vulnerable, yeah exactly.

D: Which I guess is almost synonymous to holding onto your humanity.

G: Yeah.

D: Because you could close off but that’s not good.

G: Yeah exactly. I know this isn’t the healthier, great answer, but I think one of the things I did was to kind of remove myself from certain social medias. But it wasn't unhealthy because what I did was I decided to look inward at that point. Instead of, and I could tell you as many harsh people are on the internet, I was much harsher on myself. I looked in and I asked myself tough questions, I really asked myself what’s right and wrong. I think about these things deeply when I’m writing, but holding onto your humanity is very hard. And Cliff, obviously, he doesn’t hold on to that humanity, and he goes back into his cage because that makes sense to Cliff.

D: His follow up question was, “And does skin make the man, or can metal reflect who we really are just as well?”

G: I believe metal can reflect who we are just as well. I think Cliff Steele is very much Cliff whether he’s a human or a robot. He’s still Cliff and I think that’s one of the things that’s great about the character and why he’s so fun to write because no matter what, he’s still Cliff.

D: I wonder if there's anything you’ve been listening to, watching, reading, that you think people should check out?

G: Let’s see. What have I been reading recently? Well, this is old but I just decided to reread Lord Of The Rings from start to finish, and I made it through the books rather quickly and they’re just such a joy to read. They’re so relaxing, but there is a real build up to Lord Of The Rings. It gets so dark at one point, and horrific, but there’s a calm and a peace to reading it. And the way Tolkien writes, you’re just thinking about the greenery and the trees and the rivers and all of those things, and so it’s a real relaxing read for as much as it ramps up. I have a hard time watching TV. I feel really trapped when I’m watching it so I tend not to watch it at all, which is interesting about having a TV show. I bring a different perspective when I’m giving notes because I don’t watch a lot of TV. And more or less the only TV I watch is edits of Umbrella Academy. But every once in a while, Lindsey will rope me into a show that she feels like I absolutely have to watch, and she did that with Breaking Bad, and I’m really grateful she did. She literally rewatched the whole thing with me, made me watch it, and it’s still one of the best I’ve ever seen. And then she got me into Cobra Kai, have you seen that?

D: No, is it good?

G: I think it’s really good, yeah. Especially the first season is really amazing.

D: I had huge doubts about if that would be good at all.

G: Yeah, watch the first season and one of the things that actually helped hook me into the show is the episodes are a half hour, so it was really cool. I didn’t feel as much of a prisoner of the television when I was watching them, because you can watch a half hour and be done.

D: But books don’t make you feel that way? They expand.

G: Books are my favorite thing, yeah. Books are- you know how a lot of people will use a television to kind of tune out and shut off and relax? I use books to do that, so there’s piles of books next to my bed.

D: Thanks so much for sitting down. It’s been so good to talk to you.

G: You too! It’s been a long time. I miss you.

#gerard way #dustin kensrue #carry the fire podcast #full transcription

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