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tteokdoroki · 4 months

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THIRD TIME'S A CHARM - kento nanami.

✩ — about. “my coworker is a wonderful person. they’re kind and sweet. they care a lot about others. recently, i’ve been having some…less than platonic feelings for them and i don’t know how to handle it." kento nanami never cared for workplace shenanigans. he never took his mind off of work. and he never thought he would develop feelings for his coworker, nor expect for them to feel the same way about him. what happens when he misses your three attempts to ask him out? perhaps reddit will know... ( 5.5K )

✩ — warnings. minors, blank and ageless blogs do not interact! sfw, fluff, angst, happy ending - video banner ! AITA-verse!au, office romance!au, mutual pinining, cluelessness, misunderstandings, christmas time, mentions of alcohol, office worker!nanami, afab!reader.

✩ — things to note. happy monday everyone, i have for you yet another fic to go with my gojo one! this story was written as a gift for @antizenin bc i love her so bad !! can be read as a stand-alone but does make refrences to my AITA gojo fic !! thank you to @todorosie for beta reading! hope you enjoy beloveds <3 - series m.list ⋆ m.list ⋆ read on ao3 ! ִ ࣪𖤐₊ ⊹

my coworker is a wonderful person. they’re kind and sweet. they care a lot about others. recently, i’ve been having some…less than platonic feelings for them and i don’t know how to handle it. my chest feels tight when they’re away and whenever they’re nearby my heart beats so fast i feel like i might pass. it would be a pleasure to date them or to just stand by them… there’s only one problem. i’m not usually the type of guy who engages in workplace shenanigans, i hardly know how to interact with people outside of the confines of my work. my coworker has made a few advances, at least i think they have. i don’t know how to respond or whether or not i’m over-thinking this. do they even like me? is it all in my head? i could really do with some advice… how should i go about this and telling them how i feel? TLDR: i have a crush on my coworker but i can’t, for the life of me, tell if they like me back.

you’ve always liked your co-worker, kento nanami.

to those who don’t know him, he appears quite stoic and blunt, cold even. like the crisp weather at the start of winter, air that’s sharp and bites unpleasantly at your nose. nanami tends to act the same towards those he holds no affections for, blocking them out as if he were a fortress made of stone.

one may even paint a picture of kento nanami as a lone wolf — callous and uninterested in the buzz of the office. he stays late, works long hours, never engages with the gossip on your floor after work.

that’s only the beginning of how the world sees your blonde co-worker.

but you have come to know nanami, in your short time working for Gojo Corporations. you’ve not been there very long, still adapting to the office culture and your brand new line of work, but in the few months that you have been finding your equilibrium in the office — you’ve gotten used to nanami’s demeanour, his ethic, his lifestyle. you’ve come to appreciate it, and him.

the man works hard, with a quiet confidence about him that puts your mind at ease — a quality you only wished that you had. it makes you curious, how little he seems to care about what it is Gojo Corp actually does but how much of his time he puts into it and how much he cares for the people around him too. you’ve learned, by taking the desk to nanami’s left, that he’d risen pretty quickly in the company, he begrudgingly seems to be gojo’s (your boss’) favourite employee and that he’s surprisingly good at what he does for someone who hates it so much.

he presents at meetings and debfriefs calmly, always gets through his tasks with an air of rationale and when you’d first started…nanami was kind, gently leading you through your own work as if he’d taken your hand in his and was guiding you to some place warmer — away from the chill of your nerves and self-doubt. in his own way, he cared. nanami was not as cold as one might think.

there’s so much more to him than what meets the average human eye. ever since joining the company — you found yourself curious, wanting to know everything about him. what drives him, what pisses him off, where he wants to go and who he wants to be. beneath his calm, collected and commanding aura there is a man whose heart holds many secrets. a man you want to know… and might even want to be with.

the very thought of being with nanami makes you shy where you wish that you weren’t. maybe then, you could tell the blonde office man how handsome you thought he looked while concentrating on filing reports and paperwork. perhaps you could then steel your nerves and stop the shake in your voice while telling him how much you like the low dip in his own when he explains KPIs and stock markets to you. not to mention how hard he works on keeping his patience with not just you… but the interns megumi, nobara and yuuji as well (yuuji was the brother of someone your boss new very well back in college, apparently). the ways in which he’s taken the young trio under your wing, it’s a wonder you haven’t had baby fever yet.

nanami even extends the same grace to your man-child of a boss, he wouldn’t have stayed working for Gojo Corp and for satoru gojo if he didn’t. in some ways, they were like a little family at the company, and nanami was the responsible one always picking up gojo’s messes and holding the others together.

especially on days when gojo came into work emotional over developments in his ex’s new life.

still, nanami stayed.

and your crush on him bloomed like a light frost spreading across the double-glazed glass of a window.

you felt your heartbeat speed up whenever nanami was close by and you could smell the ginger and cinnamon on him, not to mention, the hairs on the back of your neck would stand whenever your hands brushed over one another’s. nanami was warm on the inside, you knew that — he liked his interns, he cared for gojo especially when the days were tough (like when he holed himself up in his office after finding out his ex was getting engaged). he even brought lunch for the office floor. mostly soup for haibara whenever he got sick.

you knew deep down that nanami was soft and loving — you felt that he needed love too. you wanted to be the one to give it to him, even if it was the last thing you did.

ATTEMPT #ONE - THE CHRISTMAS PARTY.

satoru gojo’s office holiday parties were far from what was considered appropriate for the workplace.

with thousand dollar bottles of booze and jars of caviar dotted about the main conference room — it was hard for anyone not to be in high spirits. the notes of cheery christmas carols drift through your ears and the tinsel that your boss had thrown over your shoulders scratches at your neck uncomfortably. you’re not one for buzzing celebrations like this, they’re too noisy and loud, but gojo has made you promise to attend this year's party… and he was oddly convincing for a manager this unserious.

ultimately, you were glad that you’d decided to come because while being spoiled by your boss was all good and fun — it provided you with the perfect social setting and opportunity to speak to your longtime crush, nanami.

like you, he wasn’t a fan of forced mingling in the office, and had no interest in consoling his tipsy manager who was currently crying up a storm into one of his poor intern’s shoulders. the blonde office man kept to himself, tucked away by the bright lights of the christmas tree as he nursed a piping hot coffee — he wouldn’t be getting drunk on company time.

you manage to break away from conversing with shoko and make your way over to the latter co-worker, swallowing down your nerves with a swig of the moscato satoru had so generously picked out for you — knowing that you liked the sweeter stuff and that it would probably loosen your lips enough for you to get this over with (he and those interns were fully aware of how much you admired kento nanami). sliding up beside the man, your long, embroided skirts swish against his ankles — only serving to pull his attention away from his work phone and onto you.

taking a sip of your drink to warm yourself up with liquid courage and break the ice — you hum, quietly. “any plans for the holidays, kento?” you ask him simply, and though your deep and gorgeous brown eyes stay trained on the bubbles in your glass — you can feel kento’s own chocolatey pair land on the side of your face. whether they’re scrutinising you or admiring you, you can’t actually tell.

if you were looking, you’d be able to see the way that the sharp edges of kento’s usual expression soften across his face — the straight line of his lips are parted, his furrowed brows becomes relax and his posture no longer ridged, but instead, at ease. if you were looking you’d know that out of all of his co-workers (aside from the interns), kento is most comfortable around you. he find your meek and cautious demeanour adorable and the way that you sometimes awkwardly flutter around him in conversations is cute.

“not much, just working.” he responds quickly and shortly. to anyone else, they would have taken nanami’s reply as cold and callous, but you? you smile softly, glad that he’s even taking part in your small talk.

you’ve always been a little quieter than most colleagues at Gojo Corp, but you’ve always tried your hardest to make connections and bring the group together. you care for the interns so deeply, helping them to learn from your initial mistakes at the organisation and to do better. he likes that you’re good company, knowing just the right things to ask and when, allowing for comfortable silences when no one in the team feels like talking.

nanami likes you.

and perhaps that’s what makes him awkward around you as well, the very fact that he can’t find fault in you — that you’re too sweet and kind and gentle to complain about like he would with nagging gojo. what does he say to someone as wonderful as you?

he doesn’t want the moment to end, however. “how about you?”

the blonde says your name softly, as though he’s testing it out on his tongue — and you can’t help the warmth that blooms like a spring rose in your chest at the honeysuckle sound. you’re hot all over and you’re sure it’s not the alcohol.

“f-family!” you squeak shyly, voice high pitched as you fend off excitement — having nanami elaborate on your conversations isn’t a usual occurrence. coughing, you take a sip of your drink and knock it down a notch. not that kento would want you to, since he finds your enthusiasm to chat with him so endearing. “i have family…coming. o-over the break! flying in from abroad, so it’s going to be special.” the blonde’s brow raises with interest, and you latch onto the opportunity to speak with him further, basking in your quiet moment together. “i’m not usually one to cook, but my mother and i will be handling dinner together! so it’ll be a mix of all sorts of foods. traditional and from our home country too.”

nanami slips his work phone away in order to give you his full attention. “that sounds…wonderful,” he settles on saying. he wonders what your family is like, if they’re as shy and endearing as you or louder like that of the dynamics at the office. he imagines you surrounded by love, by laughter and warmth… and can’t help but yearn for the same. “i do miss home cooking, christmas in new york isn’t quite the same as japan.”

“t-then you’re welcome to spend christmas with us!” you blurt before your mind can even process what you’ve said. now you really must be drunk, or tipsy at the very least. who just invites their coworkers over to their house without getting to know them first. “we’ll have more than enough to fix you a plate…if you’d like,” despite your overexcited blunder, you remain hopeful that nanami will accept your invitation or at least get the hint. that you want to know him better and spend more time with him.

but nanami doesn’t take the hint, he can’t seem to figure out why you’d want to spend time with him outside of work, and so, puts up a respectful boundary. nanami smiles and puts down the coffee he’d been drinking. “i wouldn’t want to impose on your time with family.”

you frown, the stacked bricks of your excitement coming tumbling down. “kento that’s not what i meant—“

“look!” gojo cuts in, slurring from across the room as he points a shaky finger at the two of you by the tree. “they’re standin’ un’da the mistletoe!”

both yourself and nanami look up in disbelief to find yourselves standing under calculatedly placed mistletoe — no doubt due to the meddling of your boss. though you’d be lying if you said you didn’t want to kiss nanami, it was more of question as to whether or not he wanted to kiss you.

“gojo, you’re drunk. and i really should be getting back to work.” kento insists, clearing his throat and immediately looking away from you with a bashful blush. you’re perfect, and darling, and to kiss you really would make kento’s day…but he’d never want to make you uncomfortable or put you on the spot like this. “i have budget reports for your meeting in a few hours.”

“fuck the reports, don’t you wanna kiss the pretty lady?” nanami looks to you, shying away from the conversation and squirming under the sudden attention of the office party-goers. “i wouldn’t want to make her uncomfortable.”

“i-i wouldn’t be.” comes your hushed whisper.

nanami coughs to clear his throat, flustered by you. “are you sure?”

having had enough of your back and forth, dancing around one another like two teenagers confessing to each other on white day — gojo steps in, forcing his drunk yet authoritarian hand. “come on nanamin,” the white haired man drawls impatiently. “if you don’t kiss her! i will!”

“no!” you and nanami bark adamantly in unison — causing gojo to smirk and stagger happily while megumi and yuuji hold him up.

“then go ahead and kiss. or i’ll have to fire you.”

the idea of losing your job over a trivial christmas tradition is enough to spook you into agreeing. that and you couldn’t imagine kissing satoru gojo… the thought makes you gag to yourself. “fine,” nanami grunts before looking to and addressing you next, “do you mind?”

you nod once, breath shaky. “it’s okay.”

“where are you most comfortable being kissed?”

“um, i haven’t… i’ve not had my first yet so…”

“ah, i see. i won’t do anything that makes you uncomfortable then.” hearing the news makes something weird… stir within the blonde’s firm chest. being your first kiss, his co-worker’s first kiss is an appealing thought — almost a little twisted and selfish for him. to have that honour, to be the one you would give it to, makes his head spin.

gojo cute through his train of thought, however. “god, would you too hurry it up!”

nanami rolls his eyes at his boss (which would have gotten anyone else fired.) but let’s the corners of his pink lips quirk up into a subtle smile directed at you, and only you. cautiously, he leans down as though not to spook you like a deer in the woods, and takes your hand in his larger and more calloused one. “sorry about this.” he hums quietly, the rough pad of his thumbs traversing through the ridges of your knuckles.

“i-it’s fine.” you repeat your earlier sentiment, holding your burning breath as kento drags the back of your hand up to his lips. dark brown eyes meet even darker ones — your gentle gazes meeting in the middle as the tensions rise within the conference room. your entire body melts like butter in a pan and your heart bursts out your chest with the crescendo of the christmas music in the background when kento nanami presses a soft chaste kiss to the back of your hand.

your kiss under the mistletoe.

once he breaks eye contact and snaps out of it — nanami is quick to announce is departure, covering up his flustered expression. “now, i really must be getting back to work. thank you for the party gojo, kids,” he nods at you softly with an utterance of your name and leaves not long after, leaving you with a flurry of butterflies in your tummy.

leaving you a sheepish, warm mess because while you had intended to ask nanami out and failed, you still managed to get somewhat of a kiss.

you press your hand to your lips, feeling the warmth of kento’s lips embedded into the skin there. somehow, you find it within yourself to ignore gojo's whine for a proper mistletoe liplock in the background — choosing to focus on the lingering touch left by your crush.

“how about the receptionist, she’s into you!” you hear yuuji suggest, earning a cheer from your stupid silver haired boss.

the three interns plus gojo disappear from the party after that, while you remain stuck in place like a statue made of stones— repeating the kiss in your head over and over again, in your thoughts drowning in images of kento nanami.

ATTEMPT #TWO - THE SECRET SANTA.

“good morning, kento!”

“good morning to you too,”

bristling from nanami’s warm greeting (as well as him calling you by your first name), you shuffle into the seat beside him with cold cheeks and bright eyes — doing your best to quietly shift out of your winter attire to make sure you don’t disturb the rest of the conference room. you’ve just snuck into the team meeting for Gojo Corp’s annual secret santa. this year would be your first time taking part and it took a hell of a lot of bribing (not really, just some locally made daifuku and the number of the receptionist gojo might be crushing on) to convince your boss to give you nanami for the special festive event.

picking out a gift for your blonde haired and stoic presenting crush proved difficult at first. you already knew that kento spent a lot of time at the office, working hard and dedicating himself to hours of paperwork — but that wasn’t exactly useful to know when it came to gift giving. however, after weeks of gathering intel by tapping into whatever office buzz nanami was involved in and sharing short exchanges with him by the coffee cart outside of Gojo Corp, you’ve managed to learn two things about kento nanami.

one, his appreciation for something homemade or cooked — like the quaint family owned bakery not too far from the office.

and two, his dream destination. the one place that he’s always wanted to vacation to — Kuantan, Malaysia.

now you couldn’t exactly afford to just splurge and buy him a ticket over there, not to mention there was a considerate budget placed on gifts…but what you could do is bring nanami’s favourite things to the office. while gojo sets out the rules for staff, you gently place your carefully wrapped presents on the table before you, again, trying to avoid making a ruckus with the crinkling wrapping paper.

“you’re a little later than usual.” nanami comments to you in a low tone, having been watching you this entire time.

he would feel weird saying it out loud, but he notices that you��re always early into the office — clicking in around twenty minutes to nine every day and that you take your time in setting up your desk for the day. as though you have a routine to calm your anxieties.

“i had to stop by somewhere for a last minute gift.” you grin after a hushed quip. and nanami can’t help but find it contagious. you’re a warm ray of sunshine to him — one that he can’t help but want to bask under and be near, especially during this winter cold. you make kento feel at peace with your calm aura. the way you speak so tenderly and kindly. as he turns his attention back to a blabbering gojo, he finds himself growing jealous of whoever received your gift. whoever it is, he hopes that they appreciate your thoughtfulness.

after the rules are done, everything is exchanged between assigned pairs as gojo calls up who was responsible form who.

elation courses through nanami’s veins once he learns that his secret santa was you — happy to know that he is about to be on the receiving end of your perfectly wrapped presents.

“i hope you like them,” you bleat shyly, passing him the leopard print-covered gifts. the very sight makes him grin, since the paper matches his usual work tie.

the blonde takes his time unwrapping each layer of paper — as if he doesn’t want to ruin all the hard work you put into presenting this perfectly for him. a strong wave of fondness crashes over your co-worker once the first present is revealed. nanami’s favourite, freshly baked sandwich from the japanese bakery downtown. the one he visits every day, and the same sandwich he orders every time. the one that fills him with nostalgia and reminds him of home.

the next gift is even more thoughtful, and he fights off the urge to clutch his chest — as if cupid has shot an arrow right through his heart and made it yearn for you and your kindness. it’s a crocheted water lily, like those found in the Taman Gelora park in Malaysia. the same park that nanami has always wanted to go to.

there’s a little postcard of the location too — with a note scribbled in your precise handwriting, wishing nanami a happy christmas. he tries not to dwell on the heart signed next to your name.

your saccharine voice slices through kento’s wild and appreciative thoughts delicately and he spares you a glance, watching your features as they illuminate with happiness from his reaction. you can tell that he likes your gift, and that fills you both with joy. “i heard from a little bird that you’ve always wanted to take a trip to Kuantan. and while i couldn’t get you a ticket myself, i figured these would be the next best thing. plus some food for your flight.” you joke while nanami thumbs the ridges of the yarn making up his water lily gift.

he laughs then, remembering how yuuji had grilled him about his dream vacation weeks back. it must have been for you.

you’re so selfless and thoughtful, it still blows the blonde office man’s mind that you would have gone through the trouble of getting him such a gift. most times, colleagues at Gojo Corp settle for fancy chocolates or snooty vouchers for department stores… but you used so much of your own time and effort to create something that kento nanami would truly appreciate. it drives him mad that he can’t seem to figure out why. why would you do something so nice for him?

“i wish i could have gotten you something in return.” he mumbles fondly.

“i don’t need anything from you kento,” you say sweetly, making his heart race as you put your hand over his. “i appreciate you and you’re my friend. i don’t need anything more.” you figure now is a bad time to confess to him, in front of everyone. though you might have chosen the wrong words — because while you do want more from nanami, he now thinks that you don’t, pulling away from you slightly. “i… i appreciate everything you do for the company. a-and i like spending time with you. being your friend.”

you facepalm internally, knowing you could have worded yourself better — but the realisation comes a little too late, for nanami is already pulling away from you, his once soft smile falling into place with the harsh lines of a frown. “thank you for the gifts,” he says, a little colder. now that he’s figured out why you truly made him those gifts. you see nanami as a friend, a good one. nothing more, like he had secretly hoped. “i must be getting back to work.”

“o-oh but kento—“ he looks down at you icily, you have no idea why he’s being so cold. he hasn’t a clue either, it’s not like you know of his affections or fondness towards you. you thought that calling yourselves friends would be just fine… at least until you found the confidence to confess properly. “nanami…did i offend you? i didn’t mean to pry with your gifts! i just wanted them to be perfect—“

“—you’re fine. just… duty calls. paperwork.”

“oh, right.” you reply, weak and defeated, thinking that he’s mad at you. rejecting you again. “good luck nanami…”

“thanks,” he mumbles. “for this, and the gift.”

“you’re welcome,” you say, mostly to yourself but before you can say more he’s disappeared from the conference room and gone back to his cubicle.

ATTEMPT #THREE - THE EVE OF CHRISTMAS.

as mentioned before, your boss isn’t exactly the serious type.

satoru gojo is silly and often irresponsible in regards to work. he’s had a lot to deal with and a lot to learn, he covers his mistakes with charms and smiles, but he’s learning. and when it comes down to it, satoru cares for the company, the office and most importantly — his staff.

which is why he makes it a rule that no one in his main team should work over the christmas period — with no exceptions.

of course, the ever-dedicated kento nanami has always found a loop-hole in avoiding the festive rule and his manager’s simple christmas wish. which is why, much to your chargin, satoru has meddled a little bit and sent you into the office to send nanami home. usually you wouldn’t mind the opportunity to speak with your crush, but after your second rejection from him in such a short space of time, you’re not so sure your little heart can take seeing the man before the holidays.

you’d agreed to satoru’s request nonetheless, your family didn't arrive until tomorrow and you couldn’t live with yourself if you let kento work through the night. you still had feelings for him after all.

when you arrive at your office, it’s dark and dim — matching the evening and it’s weather outside. you assume that any cleaning staff have already gone home, instructed by nanami who would also hate to keep people behind on Christmas Eve. it seems like him to offer to clean up after himself.

rounding the corner, you spot him in the conference room, tucked away by the tree from your christmas party as he taps away at his work laptop — no doubt finishing the Q3 report. you push past the glass door and make your way inside, tugging your scarf, hat and coat off while you watch nanami work. you hang them all up on a nearby coat rack.

“i know you’re there,” he speaks into the dark silence. “is that you, satoru? i’m not going home.”

“actually, satoru sent me in here to make sure you weren’t working on Christmas Eve.” you respond in an even tone, ignoring the slash of hurt over your heart when nanami fails to even spare you so much as a glance upon hearing your dulcet voice.

he instead scoffs, returning to his work. “tell him that i’m fine. i don’t need to be babysat. i know when to take a break.” kento doesn’t why he’s being so harsh with you, it’s not like you knew of his feelings. calling him your friend had been a token of kindness, but he let his rationality slip away and acted out because… what? he was afraid of your rejection?

despite his mean words, you stand your ground and refuse to leave kento alone. “i figured you might say that, so i bought you some food. these are cookies from the bakery that you like and they should keep you going,” you rummage in your tote for a small of cookies — pushing them across the large conference table for your stubborn blond co-worker. “the girl that works there is sweet. maybe we should go sometime, we can take a break from your work and have some cold turkey sandwiches ahead of Christmas Day—“

“if i wanted sweets i would have called up that meddling boss of ours, satoru,” nanami seethes, losing his patience. the more he looks at you, those big brown eyes and your soft, beautiful face, the more hurt he feels, the more nauseated he feels knowing that you might not like him the way he likes you. as just friends, instead of something more. “why are you here?”

you blink back your suprise. “w-what?”

“don’t you have family to be spending the night with?”

“i do it’s just… i worry about you, nanami. you work too hard, it’s christmas.”

“i really, really would like to finish the report so i can go home.”

your face scrunches up with rage and using that same fury, you march over the blonde man in three short strides — grabbing his chair and whirling him around to face you. you slam his laptop closed with enough power to shatter the damn thing, fixing nanami to look at you. ”what is wrong with you?”

“pardon?”

“i’ve… i’ve been trying all month to show you how much..how much i care about you and how much i like you. but it’s like you don’t even see me.” your voice warbles despite how angry you are, tears threatening to spill over the edge of your lashes. everything hurts, you don’t know what you’ve done to make nanami resent you in the way that he does now. perhaps if you were different, more confident and self assured maybe he would notice your gestures and implications. maybe he would like you back.

you wish for the darkness of the office to swallow you whole and make you disappear as you and nanami do nothing but stare blankly at each other. however, the lights on the obnoxious christmas tree continue to flash in the corner — illuminating the crystal tears clumped in your lashes and the slope of your features with a perfect golden glow. nanami sees you, he always has…but what good would a man like him be to a girl like you? sure, he wants to settle down, wants christmas with someone he loves, somewhere comfortable where he doesn’t have to worry about a thing — let alone money.

…but nanami is a tough nut to crack, he keeps to himself so much that even now you’re struggling hard to get him to speak his truth, and his feelings. he wouldn’t want you to give up trying even while he struggles to open up.

“i see you.” finally, kento finds his confidence and admits his truth to you. “i always have.”

he stands from his seat, towering over you and you stumble back. “do you? i’ve tried so hard… to tell you…”

the blonde leans down to your height and your words trail off, overwhelmed by him. “to tell me what?”

he prays that you can’t hear the pound of his heart against his ribcage or the blood rushing through his ears… but nanami has never stepped out of line or taken a risk and if he doesn’t, break the rules, he could risk losing the one good thing at this god forsaken place. “that i… that i like you. kento. i-i’m fond of you.” you exhale through your words, succumbing to everything that makes up kento nanami. his scent, gingerbread and fresh mint, makes you dizzy, his proximity makes your world tilt on its axis and you’re so nervous that you latch onto the collar of his dark blue dress shirt to keep yourself steady.

nanami seizes the opportunity to pour into you every emotion that he can’t bring himself to say. his large hands settle gingerly on the small of your back and his warm breath coasts over your fleshly lower lip, as if to ask for permission to kiss you properly. “may i?” comes his timbre voice, equality as shaky as yours had been earlier. you shake your head ‘yes’, giving nanami your consent to press his lips against your own in a life changing kiss. the action is tender, guiding you in all of the right places where you lack experience. the fists you'd formed in the collar of his shirt loosen the more that nanami works your lips in his gentle kiss — warming the frost over your little heart.

“i’m quite fond of you too,” he says your name after finally giving you the room that you need to breathe and kento brushes a thumb over your the swell bottom lip before he kisses you gently again. “i’m sorry i didn’t say so earlier.”

still holding onto him, a breathy chuckle escapes you as if you’re in shock. “w-what…what changed your mind? i thought you didn’t like me like that…”

“it wasn’t my mind that needed changing. it was the way i saw how you felt about me… i should have asked instead of assuming you only saw me as a friend. that was my mistake,” nanami explains carefully, choosing his words wisely. “you’ve been fair and kind to me, and i failed to give you the same grace due to my own doubts. i admire you, and should have confessed to you sooner but i—“

“but you wanted to finish working first, i get it.” you giggle and lean up to peck kento on the lips, stealing the words right out of his mouth. “just… please talk to me next time. i thought you were mad at me.”

your blonde co-worker, crush and now.. partner? (that was to be decided) gives your waist an apologetic squeeze — acknowledging his mistakes. “i owe you that much,” he replies warmly, “now how about those turkey sandwiches you were talking about?” nanami questions you awkwardly, in his own charming way of asking you out for a date on christmas eve.

after packing up and like a gentleman, he retrieves your scarf, hat and coat from the nearby coat rack by the door and gently pulls them over you one by one. like he cares, like he might even love you. he even zips you up to protect your cheeks from the bitter cold. nanami folds his own coat over the bend of his and grasps your hand firmly in his — keeping you close as you walk out of the office, a newly formed christmas couple.

somewhere off in the distance, the boss of the Gojo Corp office watches with a sly grin. while satoru might not have gotten his holiday romance, he’s glad his little plan was enough to get yourself and nanami together.

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linos-luna · 2 months

Note

Hi gorgeous 💞

I hope you're doing well (I was worried af)

If it's not too much to ask but my birthday is on 14th March so can you write a yandere hyunjin x f reader smut where the reader who is already held hostage is given a gift by hyunjin (just surprise me with your writing girl)?

I would seriously appreciate it from my heart ❤️

Wanna see a manipulative, toxic and delusional hyunjin in love with me 😩

Bye 👋

Sorry it’s late! I’ve been so busy! 😭

Happy late birthday 🎊

———————————————————

Work of Art 🔪

Yandere!Hyunjin x Reader

Warnings: Yandere!, 18+, slight Stockholm Syndrome?, Slapping, Hair pulling, Emotional manipulation

—————————————— 💞

It’s been two months. Two months since you lost your freedom. Hyunjin was obsessed. He wants you to keep you in his home forever. If he goes out, he handcuffed you to the bed frame. Although lately he hasn’t done that. Probably because now you don’t move. You seemed to have given up on trying.

The days blended together so you didn’t even realize that today was your birthday. You stayed in bed until noon, only waking when some light from the window hit your face. You sat up, only to see Hyunjin standing at the door. Watching.

“Good morning, my love.” He said with a soft smile. “Today is a special day!”

“What….?” You mumbled.

“How could you forget?! It’s your birthday, silly!” He chuckled while going to you and leaning in to kiss you.

You were silent, actually surprised that you forgot your own birthday.

The man stroked your hair as he waited for your kiss although you didn’t budge. This seemed to frustrate him and he pulled your hair so your lips touch his. “Y/n!” He whined.

Reluctantly, you kiss him. He bit your lip and kissed you with lots of passion.

Sure you kissed back but not with as much vigor as him. This only hurts his heart.

“Y/n! I don’t understand…” he whined. “why…? Why won’t you love me like I love you!”

“Hyunjin, you kidnapped me!”

“Because I love you!”

“This isn’t love!!” You interrupted. “This… this is hell!”

“No no no… i-I’m sorry! It shouldn’t be!” Hyunjin frowned and dropped to his knees while holding your hand. “I only wanted to show you love and cherish you. I want to spoil you!”

“Hyunjin—”

“I’m sorry, y/n…” He pouts, giving you sad eyes, “I-i never meant to hurt you…”

“Hyunjin… you—!”

“No no I'm awful!” He interrupted while starting to cry. “I-I just want someone to love… I-I’ve never had someone love and care like you do. You’re so genuine and kind…”

He continued rambling. From his rough upbringing to his desire for love. He’s all alone in this world and it had your heart breaking for him.

“I-I have a gift for you…” he said softly. “Please. I worked so hard on it.”

“O-okay…” you nodded reluctantly.

Joy lit up his face and he quickly left the room. As soon as he left, the tears were gone. It was as if he flipped off the emotion like a light switch. Instead, he smiled to himself.

Hyunjin came back in the bedroom with a canvas. You were a bit confused until he turned it around. It was you. A painted picture of you sleeping. The style made you look angelic.

It was beautiful but also unnerving. When did he paint this? Was he watching you while sleeping? Every minuet detail of your features was there. Every mole and blemish was painted in great detail.

“Wow, Hyunjin… it’s very nice.” You said slowly while studying it. You couldn’t lie, it really was an amazing painting.

“Oh, my love. I’m glad you love it!” He smiled. “I worked so hard to capture your essence! You truly are a work of art!”

You couldn’t help blushing. You’ve never had a compliment like that and it was giving you butterflies in your stomach.

“Thank you, Hyunjin… I-I really do love it…”

“Oh good!” He was excited as he leaned in close. “Please, my love. May I kiss you?”

There was a moment of silence before you nod.

———— 💞

Dinner was a bit awkward. You sat in silence as he fed you.

“Do you like it?” He said suddenly.

“I do but… Hyunjin I can feed myself.”

“No darling. Don’t worry about that.” He said while putting more meat on the fork.

“No really—…” you grab the fork from him, about to raise it to your mouth before he suddenly slapped it away.

“Hyunjin—!”

Before you could finish, there was a swift slap to your face.

“No! Only I can feed you!” Hyunjin yelled suddenly.

You held your cheek in shock, too stunned to speak.

“Oh I’m so sorry!! My love, I'm sorry!!” He suddenly switched up and got to his knees, dropping the bowl of food to the ground, but he didn’t seem to care.

“No! Don’t cry! Don’t be mad!” He begged while grabbing into each side of your hair and pulling you close. “Please forgive me! I love you!”

“A-agh! Hyunjin!” You whimpered as he tugged harder.

“My darling. My sweet girl, please!”

He pulled harder, making you drop from your seat to the floor.

“J-Jinnie! You’re hurting me!!”

“W-what?!” He paused, still holding onto your hair. “No! No im not!!”

“Jinnie stop!”

“No you stop!” He yelled. “I love you! I’m just trying to love you!!” His voice broke as tears formed and it made you stop dead in your tracks.

“Hyunjin…”

“No! You don’t love me!” He sobbed. “I-I thought I finally found my soulmate… one that will love me as much as I love her!” Hyunjin wiped some tears while looking at you. “I-I’ve never had that kind of love. My M-mother left! A-And father would beat me! I-I only wish you give the love I never received!”

Whether this story was true or not -it’s not-, you wouldn’t be able to tell. But his vulnerability and tears tugged at your heartstrings.

“Hyunjin….”

“No! Just go!” He cried. “Just leave me! Leave me all alone! I’m used to it!” He pulled some keys from his pocket and threw them in front of you.

You were frozen in place. You felt awful. Pure guilt. How could you hurt him like this?? All he wanted was love. You felt like a monster.

Without much thinking, you hugged him tight. “I-I’m sorry, Jinnie.”

Hyunjin leaned into your hug, making himself look as small and vulnerable as possible while continuing to weep.

“It’s okay… it’s okay…” you whispered while rubbing his back.

“C-can I… can I give you a bath?” He asked softly. “I-I wanted to spoil you with a little… at home spa…”

You pulled away and looked at him. Here he was crying and expressing his deepest emotions and traumas, and yet he was still thinking of you. He was still wanting to spoil and shower you with love.

You only nodded and Hyunjin smiles before kissing your forehead and leaving to the restroom, getting some of the soaps and candles ready.

It made you feel guilty. Perhaps you have this all wrong. He really does have a good heart. Perhaps you’ve never experienced real love. Maybe… this is what true love is.

Hyunjin had no more tears. This face had cleared up so fast as soon as he entered the restroom. In fact he had a smile. A satisfied one, like a spoiled child that got his way. It was just too easy.

Hyunjin walked to the bedroom, grabbing a robe for you, stopping by the painting. He took a deep breath while running his fingers along your painted nude body.

He turned back to the restroom, mustering up some tears red cheeks before calling out to you.

"Come on, my love! The bath is ready!'

#kpop #kpop x reader #fanfic #kpop imagines #kpop smut #stray kids #skz x reader #stray kids smut #stray kids x poc reader #stray kids yandere #yandere stray kids #yandere hyunjin x reader #yandere hyunjin #skz hyunjin #hyunjin x poc reader #skz yandere #kpop yandere

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thelargefrye · 1 year

Text

FIRST MEETING MONTAGE … head canons

pairing : ateez x f!reader (separately)

genre : idol au, headcanons, each member has their own mini genres and tropes, future dad!ateez au

warnings : language, a nose bleed (jongho), some members are longer than others! sorry! also i’ve never been to a fansign so i’m only going by what i think happens 🥲

note : a remake and return of the mr. housedad series! been thinking about this for a while, so yep! here it is, enjoy… feedback is appreciated

how you and ateez met, setting your future in stone.

KIM HONGJOONG x ARTIST!F!READER ( fake dating, strangers to friends to lovers )

you felt stupid for some reason. like you should have never agreed to doing the blind date your friend insisted on setting up for you.

mainly because right now you are getting stood up, it’s been twenty minutes past the time you were suppose to meet your date and now you just feel silly. maybe you should just go home.

“um, excuse me, are you y/n?” a voice asks behind you and you turn to see probably one of the most handsomest men you have ever seen.

everything about him was just so put together. his split hair being eye catching and his outfit just being so stylish makes you feel underdressed if you’re being honest.

“yes! I’m y/n, are you hongjoong?”

“haha, yes i am, sorry i was late. i got caught up with work,” he says before he’s walking you towards the restaurant doors. “shall we go in and talk?”

you nod and can’t help the heat going to your cheeks as he opens the door for you before following close behind you into the restaurant.

“to be honest, i only agreed to this date because my friend has been pressuring me to try and date,” he says and you feel an odd twist in your stomach. he didn’t even want to be on this date.

so that’s why he was late, you think to yourself as you nod at his words. granted at first you weren’t that excited to be going on a blind date, but you really did want to get out there and start dating.

“my friend insisted i go on this date as well. she tells me that maybe going on a few dates here and there would help with my creative block that i’ve been in for the past few months,” you tell him with a laugh and he nods at your words.

“i hate creative blocks,” he says as he runs a hand through his split colored hair. “what do you do for a living?”

“i’m an artist. i do a lot of commission paintings and illustrations for children books. i also do paintings for myself and a few galleries here and there when they want me.”

“you’re an artist? that sounds amazing,” he says and you notice the immediate stars appearing in his eyes and you feel a sudden boost in your ego. “i think if i wasn’t so in love with music, i would definitely have become a painter.”

“hey, i suddenly just had an idea,” hongjoong says which quickly earns your attention as you look up from your food. “this might seem crazy, but what do you think about pretending to date?”

“pretending to date? what do you mean?”

“well it’s obvious that i’m not interested in actually dating and you’re in a creative block, so what if we help each other out. we pretend to date so i can get my friend off my back and when we do hangout, i help you try to get out of your creative block. a win-win if you ask me.”

god, what kind of fanfic are you living in right now. fake date an idol? that sounds like a recipe for disaster, but you can’t ignore how tempting it sounds. you really do need to get out of your creative block soon in time for the next exhibit and maybe doing painting based on love could be a good thing to try.

“okay, let’s do it.”

hongjoong smiles at your words before saying, “can’t wait to fake date you!”

PARK SEONGHWA x IDOL!F!READER ( strangers to lovers, nct added member )

you looked so pretty, sitting there along with the other hosts is what seonghwa thought as he watched you from where he was sitting with his members. he licked his lips, stars in his eyes as he still couldn’t wrap his head around seeing you.

his members would tease him later but he didn’t care. you’ve been his celebrity crush for a while now, even back when he was a trainee, he’s adored you.

and recently he found out that he was your ideal type. he felt like it was a huge ego boost. he wanted to talk to you, but at the same time he was nervous.

some of his members — i.e wooyoung and san — told him he should give you his number while they were in the show. he tried arguing with them, telling them no and that he honestly couldn’t because what if you rejected him. he couldn’t handle such a rejection from you.

“you should just try it, hyung, i’m sure she’ll say yes,” san said and once they all took a break in filming it was san who pushed seonghwa over towards you.

“hi, um, i’m ateez’s seonghwa,” he says and cringes at how he chose to introduce himself.

“oh, hi, it’s nice to you meet finally you seonghwa! i’m nct’s y/n,” you say as the two of you bow to each other.

“i just wanted to say that i’ve been a big fan of yours for a while and wanted to know if you would want to hangout sometime?”

you look surprised by his sudden question and seonghwa wonders if maybe he crossed a line, but your words are quick to make him think otherwise.

“o-of course! i would love to hangout sometime!” you say and seonghwa can’t help but find you extremely adorable in this moment.

“do you… maybe want to exchange numbers?”

“yes, sure, of course!” you say and seonghwa laughs at your response as he pulls his phone out while you do the same. you two are quick to exchange numbers before the producers are calling for everyone to return to the spots. “i guess we’ll talk later, right?”

“definitely.”

“great, good luck on your group’s performance!” the two of you wave before you walk off and seonghwa can’t help the lovestruck feeling that over takes him.

“soooo… how did it go?” san asks coming up to the eldest member with a sly smirk.

“shut up,” seonghwa says before shoving san slightly and walking back to join the rest of the members.

JEONG YUNHO x GAME DEVELOPER!F!READER ( strangers to lovers, dad!yunho )

you were use to being alone. especially since you started living abroad in korea away from your friends and family you had grown up with and cherished. you often relied on memories to keep you company, but recently one of your coworkers told you a solution to your loneliness.

“a dog?” you had only thought about getting a pet a few times, but concluded that maybe getting one while being abroad wasn’t the best idea. your job wasn’t always the most stable as any game you and your team were working on could get cancelled last minute. plus you were still slowly trying to figure out how to take care of yourself, let alone a dog.

“you should think about it! there’s an adoption center nearby, so maybe check it out sometime,” they told you and only agreed to think about it.

and think about it you did because the next thing you knew, you were making your way to the adoption center.

you were going to adopt a dog.

you decided that maybe it was for the best to adopt a dog, maybe having someone else to take care of would make you less lonely. and of course it would get you out of the house more…

and that’s exactly what is happening three weeks after you adopted a cute labrador retriever named lily who you just immediately connected with. she has a lot of energy, that’s for sure but you don’t mind.

that’s actually how you found yourself at the park, playing fetch with her. throwing the bright yellow ball and watching lily as she goes and retrieves it.

you watch as she runs back to you, ball in her mouth as she drops it in front of you. picking it up, you toss it and your surprised by how far it goes. watching the ball land in the ground and roll to a complete stranger, a black cap on his head and mask pulled up over his face. the stranger picks the ball up right as lily comes barreling towards him.

“wait, lily!” you shout as you watch her pounce the man and you immediately take off towards the two. “oh my gosh, i am so sorry!”

the man laughs as he shakes his head and gives lily the ball. lily turns to run back to you, but seems surprised and happy to see you right there next to her.

“no worries, i probably shouldn’t have picked the ball up,” he says and even if he’s wearing a mask, you can tell he’s smiling from how his eyes crinkle.

“still i am so sorry, i just adopted her and we’re still learning,” you say, feeling an embarrassed heat take over your face.

“really, don’t worry about, but if you still feel guilty how about you take me to get some coffee? i know a good dog friendly café that’s nearby,” he says as he bends down to pet lily.

wow, he’s smooth. “o-oh, uh, sure! um, i’m y/n and this is lily!” you say and cringe at how a little too excited you seemed.

“i’m yunho.”

KANG YEOSANG x FASHION STUDENT!F!READER ( idol and fan to friends to lovers )

you actually managed to get into a fansign. and one for your ult group nonetheless. you were so excited that you almost threw up, twice. but you didn’t! then as the day drew closer, you got more nervous. you were worried about what would happen if you accidentally made a fool of yourself in front of your favorite group.

oh god what if you tripped! no, don’t think like that because then you will definitely trip.

when the day finally came, you made sure to dress cutely. despite knowing that none of the members would probably remember you, you still wanted to look cute so that you could look back fondly on this memory.

however, what was suppose to be a good day with meeting your favorite group soon turned into probably the worst day you’ve had in a while.

first you had to chase after your cat after she managed to escape your apartment. then you miss your bus by a second — you literally watched it take off as you were running down the crowded street to make it. so in a hurry you grab a cab in order to take you to the fansign. thankfully you managed to grab a cab fairly easy and arriving there was also just as easy.

however, it started going down once again when you tried to enter the fansign and the guard stops you.

“sorry this is a fake ticket,” he says before handing you your paper back. you’re completely shocked as you look at him.

“w-what?” you are easily pushed aside by the other fans behind you and you let them as you are still in shock. you were scammed into believing you had actually won a fansign with ateez.

what kind of cruel world is this you think as you walk outside the building and onto the steps. you know you probably shouldn’t be sitting here, but your legs don’t allow you to go any further. even after the fansign started, you find yourself still sitting on the steps. you can only faintly hear ateez from inside along with all the lucky atiny who didn’t get scammed.

when the fansign is over and all the fans had seemingly left, you find yourself on a nearby bench. you can’t help but look at your ateez album and wondering how this day that was suppose to be a great one turned out to be so… disheartening.

“excuse me,” a deep voice startles you from your thought and you turn to see… yeosang standing next to you. “did you go to the fansign?” he asks, gesturing to your album.

“o-oh, no, i didn’t. i had a fake ticket,” you say before you quickly wonder why you are explaining it to him.

“oh, i’m sorry…” he says trailing off before you watch something click in his head as his whole face lights up, “do you mind if i take it for a moment?” he asks, again gesturing to your album and you willingly hand it over. “what’s your name?”

“y/n.”

once he has your album, he motions for you to say before he dashes off back into the building. it’s several minutes later when he returns and hands you back your… now signed album.

“thank you for supporting ateez,” he says with a small bow before a man — who you assume is his manager — calls for him and yeosang is soon disappearing back into the building with a small smile and wave as a quick goodbye.

what… just happened? you look at your album, quickly opening it and flipping through the pages to notice how each member had signed it. however you notice something different when you get to yeosang’s pages.

“sorry you got scammed, but hopefully this makes it better! btw you looked cute, so smile okay? xx-xxx-xxx”

did you just get kang yeosang’s number?

CHOI SAN x COLLEGE STUDENT!F!READER ( idol and fan to friends to lovers )

no way. no fucking way. this was not happening. there was no way THE choi san was standing right in front of you while you dressed like an elderly woman. not that there was anything wrong with dressing like an elderly woman, but meeting your bias while dressed as such was not ideal.

“oh? are you the exchange student my grandma was talking about?” oh shit, his grandmother talked about you to him.

“u-um, y-yeah, i’m y/n,” wow, smooth y/n, real smooth.

“ah, well if you need help with anything while i’m here let me know,” he says with a smile before turning and walking away leaving you a little dumbfounded.

you watch him walk back into the room that is only just down the hall from yours and felt your heart jump down to your stomach. holy crap, choi san is staying only a few rooms from you. what kind of fanfic trope is this?!

this had to be a dream, this had to be anything but real. you refuse to believe it. you slowly closed your bedroom door, walked over to your bed, and grabbed your pillow before screaming into it.

these next two weeks were going to be interesting, that’s for sure.

SONG MINGI x WEBTOON ARTIST!F!READER ( strangers to friends to lovers )

mingi felt weird. not weird in a bad way, but just felt… weird. actually he wasn’t really sure how to explain it. his mom had asked him to go greet their new neighbor who was his age.

was this her way of trying to get him to start dating? to have him meet her new neighbor and have them just… fall in love?

but even if it was weird, mingi didn’t argue or question his mom and so that’s how he found himself standing in front of your door ready to knock and introduce himself.

when he did knock, it took a few minutes before someone eventually came to the door. and mingi won’t lie, you looked like you hadn’t seen another human for a few days with how disheveled you looked.

he wasn’t trying to judge you or anything, but it was quite obvious.

“can i help you?” you ask after you both stood there in silence for a few moments.

“o-oh, um, i’m mingi. my mom lives next door and wanted me to give you this as a welcome present,” he says presenting the kimchi he almost forgot he had in his hands.

you glanced down at his hands and noticed the container of kimchi. he seen you hesitate for a moment before you took it with gentle hands and that was probably the softest thing he’d witnessed from you since meeting you less than five minutes ago.

“thank you,” you said before going back into your apartment and closing the door behind you.

“so how did it go?” his mom asked once he returned. mingi still felt like the interaction happened a little too fast for his liking.

“it was… okay. she’s seems… interesting.”

“good! maybe this could be the start of a new friendship!”

“yeah, a new friendship.”

JUNG WOOYOUNG x IDOL!F!READER ( strangers to friends )

“just talk to him, y/n, what could go wrong?” your group member insisted as you both stood near the vending machines at music show.

“a lot could go wrong and then i would just end up looking stupid in front of him and never be able to show my face in front of him again,” you told her and she gave you a pointed look as if to say really? but yes, really!

“come on, y/n, why don’t we go visit him and his group under the guise of giving them our album? maybe then you can get the chance to talk to him,” she suggests and you are about to deny it when she stops you and drags you back to your group’s dressing room.

which is how you all end up knocking on ateez’s dressing room door, your group’s album clutched tightly in your grip. when ateez’s manager opens the door, your leader bows and introduces you all and tells him how you wish to gift ateez a copy of your album.

“hello, we are visage,” you all say in unison before ateez is quick to also introduce themselves.

“we were just wanting to gift you all a copy of our album,” your leader says before gesturing to you who was still tightly holding onto the album.

your other group member gives you a light push which makes you step forward. your eyes flicker between wooyoung and the album before you’re quickly holding the album out for the dancer to take. could you have been any more obvious about your feelings? probably, but you didn’t want to think about it.

you really wish a giant hole would open up on the ground and swallow you up right now. wooyoung only smiles as he takes the album from you and you step back in your spot between your members.

your leader and hongjoong speak a little bit more before your group leaves and once back in the safety of your dressing room, you collapse onto the leather couch. again, can a giant hole just please swallow you up. you lay there for several minutes, just accepting that you probably made a fool of yourself in front of your crush.

ding! you look up and at your phone to see you got a text from an unknown number

‘hey this is wooyoung! love your dance covers let’s hangout sometime and film one together!!!’

CHOI JONGHO x PRODUCER!F!READER ( co-workers to lovers )

jongho felt his jaw dropped when he was told that you would be working for kq and especially with ateez. how the company managed that is beyond him, but he’s not complaining.

of course his first time meeting you could have gone better than him causing you a nose bleed, but alas not everything goes as plan.

jongho doesn’t even remember all of what happened. one minute he was waiting to record his lines when he had to use the bathroom. so when he opens the door, he opens it smacking you in the face and watching you fall to the floor. your bag falling and papers scattering around you and jongho feels like his soul should have left his body.

“oh fuck, i am so sorry, are you okay?” he asks quickly bending down to help you pick your stuff up when he looks over to notice some blood dripping down your nose. jongho feels even worse as he immediately tries to help you even quicker. “oh god, your nose is bleeding! again, i’m so sorry!”

“i-it’s okay! i wasn’t paying any attention. i should be the one apologizing,” you say as you take a tissue out and attempt to stop your nose bleed.

“i can’t believe i gave my favorite producer a nose bleed,” jongho mumbles as you can’t help but laugh at how cute he is acting. the pout on his face doing wonders to make him fit into the role of the maknae, that you are well aware that he doesn’t always fit into.

“i’m your favorite producer?” you ask, eyes shining and jongho realizes that you heard him.

“y-yes, i love a lot of your songs even your solo stuff. your first album has always been a personal favorite of mine,” he says as he helps you stand, your bag now in his hands as he gently opens the door for you.

“well i’m a fan of your voice,” you say as you take your bag from him, “and i can’t wait to work with you jongho,” you say before walking into the studio and leaving jongho by himself in the hallway.

“she likes my voice.”

tag list : @invuwrld @frankenstein852 @watamotee33 @kawennote09 @mixling-blog @marahleiwhen @kpopnightingale @harry-the-pottypus @rdiamond2727 @sanniesbum @marvelahsobx @khjcoo @mysticfire0435 @exfolitae @kryybebe @dementedaly @simonswhore @cvpitvno @kangskims @moonm1st

#husband montage.#ateez x reader #ateez blurbs #ateez imagines #ateez scenarios #ateez reactions #ateez fluff #ateez dad au #dad!ateez #ateez hongjoong x reader #ateez seonghwa x reader #ateez yunho x reader #ateez yeosang x reader #ateez san x reader #ateez mingi x reader #ateez wooyoung x reader #ateez jongho x reader

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ottiliere · 6 months

Note

hello! ur posts on the vagus nerve and its connections to digestions have encouraged me to do a lil mini dissertation thingy kinda focused on it/around it, ur big thread on PVT and everything really piqued my interest when i read it and i just held onto it for like a year or smthing until like last week when i started the project. Ik u said recently in one of ur posts i believe that ur not going to post the big dirk PVT post and im not here to be like yo post it because i also think u said that ur kinda moving away from like hs/dirky stuff rn ?? (im forgetting if i saw that sorry) but yeah i just wanted to say thank u etc etc, like ive never done an ask before so sorry if this is phrased weirdly but ur blog is just like one of those blogs that fundamentally changed how i view certain things in life for the better lol, like whether its ur beautiful representations / depictions of mental health in like just beautifully painted art (seriously the way u make it look like idk how to word it cartoony/really 2d but then it stands out against the background + if u zoom in and see the tiny pixel details == it makes me mad) or just like the huggeee long form posts that i like to chew on and save cuz theres so many details that AFFAAT like the way you talk abt the topics u portray has made me concious of how i would want to do so in the same way ig u get me. anyway this got really long and idk if i come across coherently, but ur just a random person on the internet whos art and written thoughts that u decide to share makes me happy when i see it == makes me pace around my room and distract me from this fat essay lmao so tldr: i really appreciate what u do + i hope like that ur doing well and that u keep arting and thoughting no matter what it is that u choose to focus on

(uve made me comitted to reading jthm, playing psychonauts and giving jjba w/ dio another go lmao) 🫶🫶

Hello! I’m sorry this reply is coming so late, this ask in particular is very sweet and has stuck out to me.

I’m really happy to have introduced you to PVT, this is something I’ve heard from a few different people on here and it’s very sweet… I did my thesis on it in college and the time really flew by while working on it, things you don't think could possibly attributed to "nerve issues" being nerve issues is always an eye-opener, isn't it? being able to research things that interest you & access information in general really is a privilege in this day and age.

“The topics [I] portray” are very important to me, so it’s heartening when others take interest in spite of the obvious deterrents. A lot of what I love making art about is unpalatable to most, and while I do understand the reasons for that on principle, it can make things feel a little insular. I genuinely believe there’s a lot of value in depicting tableaus of misery.

The last year has brought a lot of very unforeseen changes, and my life is quite different from when I initially made this blog to post about him! That’s also part of why I’ve been so sparse here…though I’m working to change that quite soon. I love sharing my work, and I’ve had the privilege of meeting some truly wonderful people through this website. That said…with where I’m at now, I’m not sure I’ll be posting the Dirk essay anytime soon, I’m afraid.

I’ve undertaken a few ongoing projects, one of which in particular is an original project I plan on sharing publicly here hopefully within the next month or so. I hope it’s something you & anyone else who’s stuck around with me here will enjoy, but failing that, I’ve really enjoyed working on it thus far.

Thank you for the sweet ask, take care, and good luck with your project!

#ask #I'm not afraid to admit that my fondness for dio is entirely contingent on things I made up about him in my head over the years.#there's a draft here filled with thousands of words about him that I started writing up in response to some ask I got earlier this year #but I never finished it... :( and I also never posted the dozens and dozens of pictures I frenetically drew of him either. maybe someday #on another note: I did my yearly reread of johnny the other month. I'll do something big with him one day but this year is not the year #similarly sasha answers in the queue. I'm glad you enjoyed psychonauts it's one of the greatest games ever visually and re: gameplay. etc #lucy art

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hanjisungslag · 2 years

Text

attack on titan headcanons #4

## - confessing to you

genre - fluff

pairings - aot x reader

word count - 2k

warnings - none!

notes - feel like i’ve been dead lately, am alive! now enjoy my hcs, thanks

- EREN JAEGER

he doesn’t really know whether he should confess.. he feels selfish because of the situation you guys are living in, it’s already awful losing your friends or even strangers, but losing a lover is an indescribable pain. after he finds out he accidentally hurt you while going rouge in his titan form, he immediately starts apologising and in the middle, accidentally confessed.

“i’m so sorry. no, you don’t understand! i would never want to hurt you! it’s not okay!! how could i ever hurt the person i love?! even if i didn’t know what i was doing, i’m still so sorr-”

“boy what. you love me?”

“… did i really just say that.”

- MIKASA ACKERMAN

you guys are out on the battle field, coordinating perfectly in your moves. but, as mikasa is admiring your beauty - she accidentally messes up, but thankfully you’re right there next to her, saving her in a blink of an eye. she gets very caught up in the moment (her words) and confesses.

“thank you, y/n. thank you so much, not just for saving me, for everything. i-i… i appreciate you so much..”

“mikasa-”

she proceeds to hug you and you both just take in each other scents, in peace (as much as you can be in peace on a battle field) but even without the words ‘i love you’ you know she just confessed :).

- ARMIN ARLERT

ugh he’s so cute :(( he wants to have a sweet confession not, a big and extravagant one - that’s not your guys’ style. he makes one of those books with dead flowers stuck in it (your favourite flowers) and at the end of the book where it’s a blank page, he wrote ‘i love you <3’

he gave it to you with a lot of encouragement from the boys, lots of back pats and ‘go on!!’ ‘you got this!’ and LET ME TELL YOU. it was the cutest confession ever. you opened it and thought it was just a sweet gift but when you saw the last page, you nearly cried. you engulfed armin in a hug and he was quick to hug you back, then you said ‘i love too, armin.’ HE TEARED UP. it was so wholesome. (btw you definitely heard shouts and claps from the boys around the corner)

- JEAN KIRSTEIN

THIS MAN WAS PREPPING. for like two weeks honestly, but he kinda just blurted in out in the end. mans was really around all the shops in town, picking your favourite flowers, sparkling jewellery and painting landscape to put on your wall but, ended up confessing in the middle of a conversation. like what.

“and then a titan was SO close to me, it was so scary! i-”

“NO!! YOU CANT DIE YET, I NEED TO MARRY YOU FIRST”

“. . . jean, i love you too but, it was just a dream.”

(he still gave you the gifts btw)

- SASHA BRAUS

poor girl, she literally had no idea what to do. she went to connie immediately for advice (as if he knows how to confess..), she got some pretty shitty advice from him and when he noticed her confused face caused by his bad advice, he called for backup aka jean who also gave some shitty advice 😭. she gave up with the boys and moved onto mikasa.. bless her heart, she’s way too awkward to even fathom a way to confess. now, sasha felt a bit hopeless. until she decided to ask historia and ymir.

ymir’s advice was quite literally “just tell her, straight up.” then that’s when historia jumped in. “ymir! think more romantic! sasha, i would say take her to the flower field in the south and confess there :).”

and she did exactly that! you guys strolled in those flower fields for ages, eventually settling down for some food and you made sure to bring your own since you thought sasha wouldn’t be keen to share, but today was different… she was offering all the food she had! you accept (some of it) gratefully but that didn’t fog your confusion. soon enough, the sun started to set and sasha whipped out a letter that historia wrote on her behalf (to help her out lol). she read the first few sentences but eventually gave up and said,

“aw, as nice as that all is, i just wanna say it. y/n, i like you! i’d like for you to be my s/o… please?”

she blushed profusely and all that you could say was..

“of course, sasha! i like you too!”

you guys fell into a hug and then accidentally fell down a little hill, but still hugging nonetheless.

- CONNIE SPRINGER

this boy oh ma gawd man 😭

i just know him and reiner have this ‘fuck boy’ energy, mostly reiner since he is canonically the most attractive guy. he asked reiner for advice because he can ‘pull women’ (he tried to pull a lesbian.) but anyways, reiner told him to act really cool and unbothered, not a mean kind of unbothered but more of a ‘yeah i know i’m cool, but don’t show it’ unbothered. with this advice, connie strolled up to you in the canteen really suave-like.

“hey y/n, i like you okay? and if you don’t like me, BAH that sucks for you, your loss.”

and looks away to seem ‘unbothered’ but honestly, he’s about to cry. you giggle at him because you know hes just being a weirdo about it since he doesn’t really know how to confess.

“damn, my loss. if only i loved connie springer!”

he bent down and whispered in your ear,

“wait, are you serious? i genuinely thought you liked me..”

loses his cool IMMEDIATELY. you laugh again,

“hahaha, im just joking stupid. of course i like you!”

he lets out a huge sigh of relief “oh my fuck, thank god.”

- REINER BRAUN

he’s so infatuated with you and genuinely thinks you deserve the world, so expect a meaningful confession.

now although with connie he said to, ‘act suave’ he knew you weren’t gonna take a confession as shit as that 💀.

he took you to your guys’ spot, as usual. now, you thought nothing of it because you guys always go there but reiner on the other hand, had this confession in mind. you guys sat and chit chatted about your days as normal but suddenly, reiner went silent… you absolutely shat yourself. like ‘what did i say?’ ‘did i do something wrong?’ and reiner very quickly realised how worried you looked - he switched up very fast and got quite nervous bless him 😭. it was really cute watching this massive, kinda brute dude getting all nervous.

“okay woah, you look worried! i’m sorry y/n, haha.. i’m getting nervous”

“reiner, i don’t wanna assume anything but i think i know what’s happening..”

“haha, what’s happening then y/n?”

“A PROPOSAL?”

“WHAT- Y/N?”

your guys’ boisterous laughs filled the evening sky.

- BERTHOLDT HOOVER

such a sweetheart :(

he did try to get advice off reiner obviously, but reiners way of confessing just wasn’t his style. at first, he said he’d try it but before he could even walk up to you, it didn’t feel right. he went back to reiner and said he just couldn’t, so reiner told him he should try his own way! reiner and the whole training corps was so supportive bless.

since you guys baked all the time, he decided to make your favourite kind of cake! (it was quite a small cake, one that you guys could share)

he, very nervously, strolled up to you - cake in hand and burst out

“y/nireallylikeyouandimadeyouacakeihopeyoulikeit”

and you just needed a moment to process all of that, and you were like ‘😀’

but the cake was SO CUTE. it had a lil’ heart in the middle and you literally melted. it was so stinkin cute!!!

“thank you, bert! this is so sweet and so cute, just like you ;).”

and the man felt like he was going to burst.

“stop standing there like a goof! sit down and eat this cake with me!”

- ANNIE LEONHART

everyone especially annie’s friends, were SICK of her loving glares (yes, loving glares👁👁) towards you and her doing absolutely nothing about it.

and oh my lord. one day, mina lost her mind. she asked annie when she was going to confess and annie had the AUDACITY to lie and say, ‘what? i don’t like them.’ mina was flabbergasted to say the least, and had an absolute ’nough.

mina walked up to you with determination, pulled you aside and straight up told you “listen, annie really likes you. but her thick skull is getting in the way of ever confessing to you.” you were so taken aback! like what.. annie. the annie leonhart liked you? taken aback but thrilled of course.

knowing this, you had balls of fury and while you were hanging out with annie you decided to talk about it.

“hey annie, i don’t wanna make you uncomfortable butttt mina said you liked me and i know you’re not for all this lovey dovey shit but, i do like you too.” you said with the sweetest smile :(

annie got so sappy and even gave you a cheeky grin back, her eyes even started to sparkle. she didn’t say anything back and moved on pretty fast, but you just KNOW that she’s super happy.

- LEVI ACKERMAN

hange spilled the beans. you guys were hanging out with hange one day, they were rambling and you were happily rambling along with them but, something they said caught you off guard.

‘awww, isn’t it so cute how head over heels levi is for you!’

and you quite literally stopped in your tracks and hange was just so flabbergasted that you hadn’t picked up on it??

‘wait what? head over heels for me??’

‘cmon y/n! you’re smarter than this!! of course he is! wow, i cant believe this. HA, oh well!’ they hurried you along and started skipping down the corridors.

after this conversation, you headed to levi’s office with your usual cups of tea. you were sitting in comfortable silence until you broke it.

“levi..”

“tch, what now?”

“hange told me you were.. head over heels for me?”

“what.”

“hey listen! i didn’t say anything! it’s just what i got told!”

“listen, y/n. i won’t lie to you, you are my closest companion. but, i refused to tell you purely because..”

“because..?”

“it’s a lot.”

“i understand. but levi, you do know that you’re my closest companion right?”

“hm. yeah.” he chuckled at your response. he thought you were such a cutie in that moment :).

“so… date soon?” you winked. and he grimaced. (you went on a date that weekend)

- ERWIN SMITH

erwin is a classic guy. he knew he liked you and he wasn’t going to ignore it. he asked you out to a dinner date as per usual but it was very different this time compared to others. he seemed more distant? like his mind was somewhere else. he kept looking out the window, obviously pondering.

“y/n, i have something to confess.”

“oh, what? yes? what is it?”

“i’ve realised recently that i like you. i enjoy every second with you, i enjoy your company thoroughly and i was hoping i could keep your company but as my partner?”

“oh my god.. erwin! yes, oh my god.” you were so happy and shocked! it was such a simple but yet, sweet confession and now with sweet confession your sweet dessert came out.

- HANGE ZOË

literally wanted to shout to the world that they love you and want to be with you, forever!

hange decided to led you on a treasure hunt. yes, a treasure hunt. they wanted something different and extravagant for the confession. they sent you allll around the place, the training area, the stables, the offices, the dorms, the canteen, all of it - while leaving little notes that had hints of where you needed to go next. you ended up bang in the middle of the place and there they were, in all of their glory! they had your favourite bouquet of flowers, GOT ON ONE KNEE? LIKE THEY WERE GOING TO PROPOSE? you lowkey shit yourself.

but they got down on one knee, bouquet in hand and went on to say,

“y/n. i’ve come to realise i like you and i like you A LOT. i love how you’re so passionate about titans, science, nature, everyone and everything around you. i want you to explore your curiosity and i was hoping i could be by your side too.”

you were SO touched. of course, you got down next to them and gladly accepted. you have them the biggest hug ever!!

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shelbyroundthemountain · 1 year

Text

Hollow Resonance

Yugi still wasn’t used to navigating the Kaiba Mansion, but Kaiba had said to let himself in whenever he stopped by. More accurately, he told Yugi not to pester him with things like doorbells, but that was as close as Kaiba could get to extending an open invitation. Kaiba’s office was the only place he could be trusted to find on his own, but that was where Kaiba always was anyway.

Through the ornate doorway of the office, Yugi could see Kaiba standing in the middle of the room. He was inspecting an object a bit smaller than a basketball that gleamed a sickly yellow-gray. Kaiba turned it over in his hands and Yugi could make out a joyfully raised trunk and gaudy painted eyes.

“Is that an elephant?” Yugi asked.

Kaiba’s gaze flicked to him briefly.

“An elephant vase, yes.”

“Oh. Not sure it matches the decor here. Thinking of redecorating?”

“Not quite. It’s for Mokuba.” then, too late to be casual, he added, “It belonged to our parents.”

“Your birth parents?” Yugi asked, suddenly feeling like he intruded on a private moment, “I thought you didn’t have anything left from them?”

“We didn’t. This elephant is the result of considerable man hours of investigating dusty bins of auction records and pawn tickets.” Kaiba explained.

“And you did that all for Mokuba’s birthday?”

“He doesn’t remember our parents. It may not look like much, but Mokuba deserves to have something from them. Even if it's just a ceramic elephant” Kaiba stated.

“Still, he’ll appreciate it.” Yugi replied, “That’s a lot to go through for a birthday present.”

“I have a lot to make up for.” Kaiba had a distant gleam in his eye. “I wasn’t around like I should’ve been for a long time.”

“I’m sure he doesn’t hold that against you.” Yugi assured him.

“He doesn’t. He’s forgiven me for a lot that he shouldn’t have.” he passed the elephant from one hand to the other, “he even forgave me for Death-T.”

Yugi’s palms started to sweat. They never talked about Death-T and he’s feeling woefully unprepared to start now.

“You remember Death-T?” He asked.

“Tch. How could I forget something like that?” Kaiba responded. His knuckles white where they gripped the elephant. Yugi could almost hear it creak in protest.

“It's just that-” Yugi swallowed, “I thought Atem erased your memory.”

The elephant shattered.

Ceramic shards littered the ground. A few pieces skittered across the hardwood floor.

“Shit.” Kaiba cursed. He clenched his now empty hands into fists and kneeled down, facing away from Yugi. He began collecting a few of the broken pieces.

“Fuck. Kaiba, I’m so sorry.” Yugi really wished he could see his face, gauge how bad this was about to get. “I didn’t mean to- I’ll just leave, I'm so sorry.”

“Stop.” Kaiba waved off Yugi’s apologies,”Stay. If you want. Just… give me a second.”

Yugi froze in place, unsure if Kaiba wanted his help. For a minute, the only sound in the room was the soft clinking of ceramic as Kaiba methodically collected them.

“I didn’t forget…” Kaiba broke the silence without warning, “He didn’t erase my memory. I remember everything. The Pharaoh broke me apart, but I had to put myself back together. I relived everything in that coma. Every day I’ve ever lived was projected endlessly while I sorted through all the pieces. ”

It was strange to see Kaiba like this. Whether he was jumping from helicopters or sneering down from billboards, he always managed to make himself larger than life. He mirrored his dragons: proud, tall, and untouchable. Now he was hunched in the shadows, hiding his face. He looked small. Vulnerable.

“Not all of me got put back.” Kaiba continued, “Some parts were too corrupted and had to be cut out. Ever since then it’s felt like something is missing.”

Kaiba rubbed absently at his chest.

“Do you think that’s what he wanted? Is my penalty to live feeling incomplete for the rest of my life?”

It was a challenge. It was always these games with Kaiba.

“He isn’t punishing you, Kaiba. You were hurting a lot of people and you needed to be stopped.” Yugi took an unconscious step forward, wincing when he heard the crunch of ceramic underneath his boot “He was trying to show you mercy.”

“Mercy?” Kaiba let out a cruel laugh, “Was that his idea of mercy?”

Shit. Not ceramic, an eggshell.

“Reliving my entire childhood of neglect and torment could be a mercy,” he mocked, “only if you compare it to being devoured by monsters for 8 hours. Though, you’re right. I did hurt a lot of people. Is that your point? That I doled out worse than I got so I should stop whining-”

“Don’t put words in my mouth. I never said-”

“If he was interested in showing real mercy he would’ve ended me there and then!”

Yugi was tired of this. If Kaiba wanted to have this fight then he was going to have to look him in the face goddamnit. He was sick of staring at the man’s back. He was sick of Kaiba’s constant hiding.

Yugi circled around him, careful to avoid the bits of ceramic littering the floor. He half expected to see Kaiba smiling, his eyes overtaken with the same madness that had gripped him at Death-T.

Instead, he saw a young man on his knees with red rimmed eyes and a blotchy pink nose. His lips were upturned in a halfhearted grimace. Kaiba whipped his head up to meet Yugi’s eyes defiantly.

“Why are you even here, Muto?”

“You said I could stay.”

“Don’t play stupid,” he tsked “It doesn’t suit you. What’s the real reason? Were you hoping I’d bare my soul to you? Did you want this to be the day you finally tore down my walls like He did? I didn’t want to get ripped open, you know. Before that, everything was fine. For the first time in my life I was numb. Truly numb. After a decade of enduring Gozaboro he finally couldn’t hurt me. I could actually be free.”

“Then you and your little Pharaoh had to fuck it up” Kaiba accused breathlessly. “His mercy only left defenseless. It felt like being vivisected and left open. Every missing piece turned into a bitter memory.”

Yugi just watched. He knew what Kaiba meant about the missing pieces. About the constant ache they cause. He knew from experience there wasn’t much he could say to make it better. Some pain can’t be soothed, only endured. Kaiba took a few steadying breaths.

“He was supposed to fix me.” Kaiba sounded like he was pleading with some absent god “he left before I was done.”

Listening to Kaiba sent a chill through Yugi. It whistled over the holes in his heart, like breath over an empty glass bottle. A hollow resonance hummed through a space that once housed a feeling of comfort, companionship,and love. A space once filled to the brim by Atem, now left empty, open, and stinging like an exposed nerve.

The sensation made him want to shudder, cry, scream, do anything that might release the dull anguish that has been gnawing at him this last year. None of those options could properly communicate what it felt like to lose half your soul, nor did they seem particularly helpful with this situation. So Yugi settled on crouching down and retrieving the rest of the pieces of Kaiba’s last family heirloom. He set them carefully in Kaiba’s lap, and plopped down next to him.

“Yeah,” Yugi drew his knees under his chin. “Me too.”

Kaiba watched him closely for a moment. He hummed in acknowledgement.

Winning the ceremonial duel was supposed to prove that Yugi was ready to stand on his own.It was meant to prove he could thrive without Atem. It must have been some mistranslation though, because Yugi’s been finding it difficult just to function as a normal highschooler, forget thriving.

Tea, Joey, and Tristan were all doing so well. They all loved Atem. They all grieved, but they also seemed to be able to get back up and continue on with their lives. Seeing them succeed despite their grief should have been inspirational, but all it seemed to do was remind Yugi that he wasn’t capable of that. It’s been getting to the point that it’s hard to even talk to them. They’ve all been making so much progress on their post-highschool plans. For them, everyday was filled with more progress and new developments as they inch their way towards their respective goals. For Yugi, every day was a boring blend of sadness and pain. He’s gone days without calling just so he doesn’t have to lie when they ask how he’s been.

But Kaiba, even in all his sarcasm and vitriol, he understood. Or at least Yugi thought he did. They’re both struggling with the holes Atem left behind. He doesn’t feel like he has to be ok around Kaiba, because Kaiba is the biggest emotional wreck he knows. If Kaiba’s worried that Yugi just wants to fix him, then he’s dead wrong. These days he’s barely interested in talking to anyone who has their shit together, and knowing that Kaiba is as much of a mess as him is… comforting. There’s a comranderie to it.

“Hey” Yugi said softly, “Do you have any super glue? I think this is still salvageable.”

#yugioh dm #seto kaiba #yugi moto #yugioh #yugioh fanfiction #rivalshipping #pre ship I should add #post DSoD #yugioh spoilers #fanfiction #Kaiba/Yugi #Yugi/Kaiba #depressed!yugi

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judgeanon · 1 year

Text

Plastic Skies - Models 9 and 10: Sk 16 and Fairey Swordfish

It’s a prop plane double feature WWII spectacular!

Due to a number of personal circumstances, 2023 hasn’t started off quite like I would’ve wanted, and since most of those circumstances involved money, I wasn’t able to jump right away from the F-16 Falcon I bought in February to the next project I had in mind. But thanks to a kind act of generosity, I was able to not only keep my meager hobbyist skills sharp, but also breathe new life into some old models.

Now, here’s the thing: I’m not really into old school propeller planes right now. I kinda used to, I remember building a very neat P-51 Mustang when I was a kid, but thanks to Ace Combat I’m far more interested in jet planes at the moment. So no Spitfires or Hurricanes or Messers for me, no thanks. I’m good for now. However, about a week after finishing the F-16, I received in the mail a care package from an overseas friend who for the last couple of years has made it a tradition to send me a box of old toys, comics and other random stuff. Of course, our postal service usually delivers them around March, so it’s a bit of a late present, but a very welcome one nonetheless. Especially this year.

Very thoughtfully, my friend had packed in not one, but two whole model kits in the box: a Swedish Sk 16 from Heller and a British Fairey Swordfish from Airfix, both in 1/72 scale. A quick search on Scalemates confirmed that both models were from the 80s, and the Swordfish’s mold was from 1958, which I naturally found thrilling. There’s something very fun about working on something older than you are. Plus, it turned out that these models had a backstory to them: my friend had bought them with his family at a second hand market, so second hand that the Sk 16 had already been started. He never got around to actually putting them together though, and despite his family’s repeated requests over the years to just throw them out, they remained there, safely boxed up.

(In this case, the cockpit and fuselage had been glued and the black stripes already painted, albeit a bit haphazardly)

To be honest, I didn’t know much about both planes, which only added to the excitement. The Sk 16 turned out to be a Swedish version of the very popular American T-6 Texan, a plane that also flew in my own country’s air force. And the Swordfish is better known as the English naval biplane that helped sink the Bismarck (and the star of Garth Ennis and PJ Holden’s graphic novel THE STRINGBAGS). So these were, by all accounts, very fun planes already. And I was ready to have some fun with them.

Above all else, I think my favorite part of doing old planes is all the exposed engines and exhaust tubes. I’ve mentioned before how much I adore metallic paints, and I immediately realized that this would be a great chance to break them out. And of course, having both planes have movable propellers, which I also love. I know a lot of hobbyst like to build models as a snapshot of a singular moment in time, but I prefer them to be toys, things to play with a little, so any “play-features” like this immediately makes my heart soar. Look at that little prop spin. Weeeeeee!

The Sk 16 was a very fun build. The hardest part had already been made, after all, and the rest came together very quickly and very snugly. Not having any weapons also helped a lot, and I appreciated having an excuse to use the box of yellow paint I’d bought months ago. The canopy was a pain, and I fear I’ll never be able to have the pulse or right tools to get them looking just right, but I still see at least some improvement over previous attempts.

The other thing that was shockingly comfortable and even fun were the decals. Given the model’s age and remembering my bad experience with the Berkut, I was terrified that the decals would dissolve into water the moment I even thought about dunking them. To my surprise and joy, not only did they not break, they were also extremely easy to place. I’m rarely fully satisfied with my decal placing skills, but this one is probably the best I’ve done so far.

The whole thing was done over a weekend, and once I was done, all that was left was deciding whether I wanted to age it up or not. I consulted with the friend who’d sent me the model, who decided for me: this old plane had to look old.

Fortunately, my washes worked like a charm on this little wasp, which gained a couple of decades overnight. I showed it to my friend, who gave it his seal of approval and also mentioned the thing about his parents asking him to throw the models out if he was never gonna build them. So of course, I did what any person would do in that situation: asked him if he wanted an online album of all the finished model pics I had so he could show his parents. And of course, he said yes.

That’s kind of the thing: as much as I enjoy building models for myself, every time I finish one I find myself burning with the desire to show it off to everyone. I know that’s nothing unusual, but the thing is, I’ve rarely had the chance to show off something I made to other people. Everything I do is either prose, which is not exactly a thing people can just take a quick look at, or comic book scripts, which have the same problem. Even when they’re beautifully turned into actual comics by some incredibly talented folks, it’s still hard to whip ‘em out and go “This. I made this.”

Now, I have a folder in my cellphone full of finished model pictures to pull out like a proud dad just in case anyone asks. And even if they don’t ask, odds are they’ll see at least one.

(friend’s parents did indeed see the pictures and were reportedly surprised to see those old things looking so good. Which is another thing I’ve found very pleasant about model kit making: with the right tools and the right application, even an inexperienced newbie can make a 40 year old kit look impressive)

Pretty much the day after I finished the Sk, I started work on the Swordfish. This one didn’t have any work done other than some pieces having been awkwarldy separated from their sprues, but the plastic felt nice and everything seemed solid enough. Plus, for the first time since I started, I had to paint not just one, but two tiny little plastic men:

It... didn’t go terribly well, mostly because I refused to actually go out and buy new paints for them, but with apologies to my friend, it’s easier to cheap out on things when you weren’t the one who bought the model. Apart from that, I also decided to replace the goose egg blue that the kit’s instructions suggested for the undercarriage with the weird light grey I’d bought and used for the bottom of the F-16, since I still wanted to try it out. That turned out to be... not a mistake, per se, but it didn’t do me any favors.

As it turns out, it’s *REALLY* hard to get something to stick to this kind of paint, and there was a lot of sticking to be done with these two wings. Even worse, some of it was done practically blind, since fitting the struts and bars into their holes turned out to be harder than it looked. Looking back, I probably should’ve just glued the whole thing together first and painted it later, but I figured getting the paints in first would be better than having to sneak tiny brushes into hidden crevices.

Particularly troubling were the bars right in front of the pilot, seen here hovering like a full inch above where they should be. Not ideal at all. In the end, I had to resort to far more glue than I wanted and holding everything in place as best I could until it dried. The results look decent enough from an angle...

... annnd then you look at it from the front.

Ouch. Of course, I also skimped on using wires and stuff, but I was already getting a bit peeved at this old stringbag. On the other hand, painting the grey camo was an unexpected delight. All the paints worked well with each other, and the end result was pretty lovely, if not exactly historically accurate.

Soon enough, all that was left were the decals, and here I ran into a different problem: yellowing. Although there was also a bit of that in the Sk 16, the plane being bright yellow helped hide a lot of it. No such luck here. I tried leaving them out in the sun inside a plastic bag, which the internet said was the cure for yellowing, but they also warned me it would take a few weeks or even a month depending on how much direct sunlight they were getting. Which in my apartment is precious few. After two days, I caved in and said fuck it. Yellowed decals it is.

I’m not proud of what I did, but the odds are pretty good that I’d still be waiting if I hadn’t. Once everything was ready and varnished, I broke out the washes again, only this time I didn’t go for the full Sludge Treatment. Instead, I focused only on the details, the flaps and some other areas. I could lie and say it was to give it a cleaner look, but in all honesty, I was just kinda tired of it by now and didn’t want to deal with having to clean the sludge.

The results are a bit hard to tell, since the flaps were already pretty visible, but it was still a nice relief to have it all done and looking decent enough for another online album. The response I got from friend’s parents was similar, and similarly, it made me feel quite happy with myself.

Overall, I enjoyed this little detour into prop planes. But above all, I think what I enjoyed the most was the idea that doing model kits is turning into My Thing. That people are starting to pay attention, and that in some near future, the answer to “What should we give Judge for his birthday/christmas/wedding gift?” will always inevitably be a little plastic plane to build. Not just because it’s fun and because it opens the door to all kinds of surprises, but also because I think there’s something very unique about being able to tell someone “Hey, thanks for the gift, wanna see what I did with it?”. It’s a rare kind of connection, a back and forth of thoughtfulness and creation, and I’d like to do more of it.

But first... it was time. Time to finally knuckle up, shake that bottle of light gray paint and face my personal final boss of model kits. I just didn’t expect it would happen during one of the worst weeks of the year so far.

#My stuff #Hobbies #Journals #Return of the funky shades of grey #Stringbaggery #Oooh metallic paints make me feel so good~

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8-beats-per-minute · 1 year

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Uncanny Valley AU Designs!!

ITS FINALLY HERE

You can skip to the designs if you want then come back, I wouldn’t blame you but I would like to apologize.

I don’t know what happened, I started this right after Christmas 2022 then worked on it basically nonstop for a week and a half. I basically finished Mikey’s design with a few changes and started brainstorming for Raph then my brain was like “lol no”.

It might have been part finding reference poses for Raph or stress from school and exams or burnout or idk. Whatever it was made my motivation disappear. For 3 1/2 months.

I was like “yes stuff is coming!!!! I’m making stuff!!!” And then that just didn’t happen.

Again, I’m sorry.

I’m not going to do much in descriptions (unless I add them later) cause it’s late and I’m tired. I’ve been actually busy for the past 2 weeks.

General design notes!!

I need up doing the connected ears to head idea so that’s why they look so flat

These are meant to reflect Black and Japanese features. I AM NEITHER. If I did something offensive to one of these groups in these drawings I can guarantee I did not know and did not do this on purpose.

PLEASE CORRECT ME IF I DID SOMETHING OFFENSIVE AND I WILL CHANGE IT. I would appreciate it if it is done in a calm matter but I understand if it’s not. Just please don’t call me stupid or racist cause I also have feelings. You can yell at me if I take longer than a week to respond. It would also be best if it was in the comments so it’s easier to respond.

They all have naturally really sharp and thick nails, I just couldn’t show for some of them

I tried giving them masks that incorporated how they wear fabric in their hair. It looks okay but a little weird, especially for Leo and Donnie

I’m writing/posting this between 11pm and midnight after a very long day and with a long day tomorrow so I’m not writing the (aaa I forgot the name for it. The text that explains what the picture looks like) I’ll add it when I have time I’m really sorry tho

Now, without further ado…

The designs!!!

(These might be changed, I have a tendency to change things after and be like wait I like that more but these are basically the designs. They’re also all post-movie so if you want to see pre-movie, as kids or apocalypse let me know :)).

LEO

I gave Leo both vitiligo and red birthmark stripes. Everything is blue (of course) and I’m not a huge fan of what I did for his clothes design but oh well he’s allowed to switch styles. I was stuck between giving him short hair and long hair and blond extensions or not but this is what I settled on. He’s also 10% the type of person to have little bracelets on (Mikey made him the braided one obviously). I have this headcanon that he’d look the most similar to Splinter (as a human obv so Lou Jitsu) so I tried to do that, it’s just hard to go from animated to semi-realistic. Anyway he’s got that superstar dazzling smile/mysterious troublemaker grin. You can’t see but his hair tie is blue. Maybe an actual hair tie maybe a strip of fabric, maybe a scrunchie. It changes every few hours.

DONNIE

I was actually pretty excited to do Donnie’s face specifically (him and his very square face). I had a really fun time with his shell tho and all the little spots and scars and spiny parts. I tried to make him look similar but not the exact same and I think I did okay. I definitely think they’d look pretty similar just cause it’d be like “haha were twins :)) -Leo”. I was going to give him headphone but forgot so just pretend there’s headphone plz lol. I also believe he’d wear very baggy clothes but I made his collar way too high cause I feel like he’d hate the feeling of stuff on his neck (no this is not me projecting 👀). He also has sharp teeth but I didn’t show them.

MIKEY

Oooh boy. I was so excited for Mikey!!! I also gave him vitiligo on his face, arms, hands and legs )not visible). I also feel like he’d change his hair around A LOT so I gave him a few different hairstyles. He also definitely has paint on most of his clothes and paints on them intentionally. He’s a cool sock guy I just KNOW it. I tried keeping his little shell stickers on his “casual” design but had to move it to the other one cause it looked weird. I did put them on his knee pads if you looks close. I had to keep his other cool face knee pads of course, they’re iconic. And I of course kept his off-centre gap tooth.

Last but certainly not least…

RAPH

I had so many ideas for him and I got most of them but they’re so half-assed I’m sorry Raph 😭. Especially the pose ughhhh it’s so bad. And the shoes 🥲. Anyways instead of focusing on what I did badly were going to focus more on the idea. A few thoughts I knew I wanted was the scar on his eye and shoulder and to add markings cause Raph deserves to glow too. I added some markings on his forehead and just below his ears if you look close. I also added some on his shell and the spikes on his shoulders. He definitely has the most obvious shell out of his brothers but it’s still smaller than how it is in the show. AH I JUST REALIZED I FORGOT HIS RAPH CHASM 😭. Sorryyyy. I also wish Raph’s markings were lighter but oh well.

That’s all for now! Now that I can stop stressing about finishing this I can try and post more about this, whether it be art or talking about it idk.

Also I plan on making a proper logo soon I just have a very busy month ahead of me so we’ll see how fast that gets done

#uncanny valley au #rottmnt uncanny valley au #rottmnt human au #rottmnt human designs #rottmnt au #rottmnt #rottmnt leo #rottmnt mikey #rottmnt donnie #rottmnt raph #rise of the tmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt 2018 #tmnt #rottmnt fanart

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crowtrobotx · 10 months

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Man, I know you shouldn’t do this. But I was staring with increasing bitterness at the kudos/hits on Chrysalis and sinking further and further into the whole “what even is the point” mindset I’m so prone to. Probably this was triggered by having come to expect a handful of kudos with each new chapter and this time I didn’t get… any.

I think Bri is probably the only person who knows how personal this fic is to me and how much of myself I’ve poured into it. And I don’t really want to divulge what that means to everyone - maybe one day - but just rest assured this fic isn’t just the manifestation of an irrational love of a video game character (which it is, of course) but it’s… somewhat healing for me. And a gift to myself. And it took a lot, and I mean A LOT, for me to even put it out there.

I’m not saying everyone needs to shower me with praise and affection at all times, or that I think I’m uniquely incredible at what I do, or that I need validation to keep going - I am much more motivated by spite anyway lol. And I for sure don’t want to minimize the folks who have been devotedly commenting on every chapter, have texted me outside of here/AO3 to talk about it, have made FAN ART (which is crazy!!!!), have reblogged every chapter and sent me asks. I appreciate it so so so much and it means more to me than I could ever verbalize.

But like, damn. Sometimes the sadness has hands and sometimes it’s the absence of folks you thought would be there that’s all you can see, y’know?

And then I decided to look at the other Heisenberg/OC fics, and the ones that are purely platonic, and basically anything that isn’t 2nd person w/smut or part of a popular canon x canon ship. I looked at ones that came out right around the game’s release, ones that came out last week.

And like, damn. Chrysalis has a staggering amount of engagement in comparison, especially when you consider I published it two years late. I didn’t have an AO3 account at all until fucking February 2023. And that makes me feel sort of good, but now I’m just mad again lmao. You should not have to jump into things at peak popularity or have an established following or include popular pairings/tropes to have your work get noticed. I mean, logically, I know this is just how media and art works to an extent - and I’m not saying people who do write/create in the popular fandoms for popular ships are doing something wrong - but it really shows how unwilling folks are to step outside their comfort zones and read things that they think they’re not interested in or won’t like.

There are platonic, x oc, rarepair etc fics that are so stunningly beautiful that it feels criminal for them to only have a handful of commenters and kudos. And honestly the people writing these are doing so with an insane amount of passion because you HAVE to in order to keep finding the strength to publish that next chapter when you know you’re explicitly going against what people insist they want. Again, this extends to more traditional art forms too - how many fucking brilliant books and paintings are out there gathering dust because the creator didn’t have the right connections or they didn’t make something that had mass appeal?

I always try to do the “what advice would I give to someone in my position” exercise with stuff like this. And of course I would reference the reality that if you have ONE person who is cheering you on, it’s a whole complex person you’ve made happy and that’s a miracle in and of itself. And some folks don’t WANT to be noticed - they are much happier with small circles and good for them! But also - I don’t think people are wrong when they start feeling crummy from seeing their work get steamrolled or comparatively ignored.

Idk. Idk where I’m going with this except to say I really wish people would expand their fic libraries (and their media/art consumption in general) to include more than just whatever the current hyperfixation is because it gives them serotonin. Take a chance on something different, within reason. (I know someone will try to respond with OH SO YOU’RE SAYING I SHOULD TRIGGER MYSELF or something like good god, no.)

There are some truly awesome popular works and creators out there. Please don’t interpret this as me being some bitter small platform blog ranting because I’m not being elected prom queen. All I’m doing is thinking out loud and sorting through my own spaghetti brain. I think I’m gonna spend part of this weekend sorting fics with the least engagement/popularity first and leaving some comments on them.

It’s a brave and beautiful thing to make and then share art, no matter the form it takes. People deserve to be reminded of that. Frequently.

#weird ramblings about fic and art under the cut. idk man. idk. feelin odd.

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dojae-huh · 11 months

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I am not giving them any value. I was writing on what they think. And.. that’s it? I read my ask again and maybe it sounds like me saying that? I should put quote unquote on the ‘our mc’ line.

Our mc should just stay as mc.

All i’m saying is that’s the narrative they use to justify their irritation towards doyoung. What i think is Doyoung can do can be whatever it is he wants to. He definitely doesn’t need to stay in this perception of being in a different standards as the others. He decides what he wills.

He should be able to change his fate as he wills. He works hard for it and deserves it. He got a a lot of good qualities and even his look is one of it. Yes, he starts slow esp with the late debut as 127 but his progress is really admirable. Standards exist from various perspectives and those who fit in will get a bit of a boost at the start. He perseveres and find lots of ways to find long lasting fans, one is by sharing his passion for singing, covers and all. He doesn’t check all the boxes (i mean who does? What boxes even?) even at this high time of his career (which hasn’t reach the peak btw) but those are just elusive standards we should not even hold against celebrities. I stand by his hard work to become a singer for a very long time and i’ve come to love his little touches in the songs he had taken part arrangement-wise. And I can’t wait for more of his involvement in his musicsss. And he got a lot of fans who appreciate more qualities of his. Soo definitely outweigh more of what these antis are repeating over and over again.

And i stand by my words when i say the way they were promoted also influenced and even shape the perception of fans. These titles , ace, center, visuals does affect fans perceptions towards the members especially at the beginning. However, these perceptions changes over time along with the idol’s skills and values. A lot of antis chose to stay stuck with their early perceptions of an idol (which may or may not be true) and does not want to accept the change. For ex: Oh he doesn’t have lots of fans during debut. And even now, they still use the same things. He doesn’t have a lot of fans. And unknown person yada yada

By bringing up antis and descriptions of their opinions in your first ask, you gave them value. You sacrificed my time for the sake of their narrative. And the space on this blog as well. You and the readers before spred their message from twitter to here. Do you understand it now? The discussion of "what they think" is already attention.

It would be OK one time, but this topic resurfaces constantly. And I want to shut it down.

Doyoung didn't start late. He was a singer before joining SM, he debuted in 2015 and then with t7s in 2016 ine the first NCT unit. He appeared on tv programmes one of the first among neos, he had many duets. Without realising you succumb to the "loser" or "lower status" narrative. Yes, there were fans who disliked him for joining 127 later. There were fans who had been waiting for him. However, the most hated back then was Taeyong. Jaehyun was called a pig during Limitless. This narrative of some neos being more loved or of "higher status" is false. Antis rely on newer fans not knowing the history.

Jaehyun started as a cutie, he is a hot guy now. Taeyong's image was that of a fierce, reliable leader. He is a goofy Tyong now. Doyoung got a girlfriend in his second MV and another one in Star blossom, he had the boyfriend image.

Most of the current fans weren't there at the beginning to form long-lasting impressions. Especially when it comes to ifans.

A celebrety can be most beautiful, smart, talented and kind person on Earth. People will hate for those exact traits. Any individual story to success can be either painted in a positive or negative light. Antis don't need real reason.

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gasha40k · 2 years

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I’ve been crazy busy with general “Normal Human” stuff as of late so I haven’t had much time to work on models. This is becoming increasingly common and while I’m kind of frustrated that I can’t physically interact with the hobby as frequently as I’d like, being forced to slow down is kind of fun, and I’m certainly beginning to appreciate it. Because I have such little time to dedicate towards physical projects, I’ve been filling in those gaps with conceptual stuff like writing, reading, and lots of planning.

And speaking of lots of planning, the Thunderbearers continue to take shape in my weird pulsating brain. I’ve got a lot of schemes cooking up for my custom Chapter! But before we can get into the cool ideas, we need a solid foundation to work off of.

“Nos tempestas sumus, Brother.”

That foundation comes in the form of a newly updated heraldry sheet that I probably spent way too long on. Let’s illustrate some of the differences between the new sheet and our old one, pictured below for posterity.

The most immediately noticeable change is the shift in armor color. Instead of a bland bright grey like the original sheet, the Thunderbearers are now sporting a considerably darker, more verdant color, represented by a palette swap from Citadel’s Mechanicus Standard Grey to Vallejo’s Military Green. This is because the Thunderbearers were never really supposed to be that bright, but when I started painting I settled on Mechanicus Standard Grey because Citadel’s range lacks an equivalent to Military Green, and for some reason I was really intent on using only Citadel paints when I first started.

Nowadays, however, I care a lot less about trivial shit like that, so I’ve decided to finally make the swap to a color more akin to the one from the progenitor Dawn of War marine.

The shoulder heraldry has also been changed up a bit now that I’ve figured out the Chapter organization a little more. At base, every marine has one white shoulder pad, whereas officers have golden trim on their pauldron. Veterans have two white shoulder pads and a white backpack, with veteran officers having two trimmed pauldrons.

Moving on, the original Thunderbearers symbol struck me as kind of bland, but most importantly, it didn’t look very good against a grey shoulder pad. After a few mock-ups I’ve decided on a new one. Coloring the bolt white helps it stand out against both the background reticle and the pauldron, and it calls attention to the lightning as the centerpiece of the symbol. Finally, adding a circle to the reticle makes it look much more like an actual reticle, but the chaos star influence isn’t lost.

Anyways, enough about a colored png. Outside of conceptual bullshit like this, I’ve been working on another special Captain model.

Here he is so far: 10th Captain Vanion Sullist, Master of Reconnaissance, member of the Chaplaincy, and Priest of the Divine Kill. Sullist is both a Captain and an acting member of the Thunderbearers Chaplaincy. Sullist is one of the Chapter’s holiest warriors, and an unquestionably legendary sniper. Sullist is also the Chaplain responsible for the moral foundation of the Thunderbearers stealth and reconnaissance troops, guiding those Astartes that prefer precise fury over overwhelming firepower.

You can tell he’s a Chaplain by the excessive amounts of purity seals!

I’m going to give him an Eliminator arm of some capacity and then I think he’ll be about done. Painting scheme wise, his armor will be black like a Chaplain, and a skull will be painted over his beaky helmet to invoke the image of a Chaplain. On the tabletop he’ll be run as a Phobos Captain.

To conclude, things are slow but dense. I’ve also been doing a good amount of work on the Crusade. I’ll post a bit of an update regarding that soon.

#warhammer 40k #miniatures #building #kitbash #loreposting #adeptus astartes #thunderbearers

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smallbirdbigcoat · 1 year

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im soooo sorry for disappearing these last couple days its gotten really crazy here w sudden funeral n christmas 💔💔 i checked them out & i really liked them!! im definitely going to dig through their discography thank you soo much for reccing them :) i was hoping you’d have some tbh 😭😭 i would say my top fave 5 are ummm david bowies rise & fall of ziggy stardust, wish you were here by pink floyd & hüsker dü’s zen arcade, ethel cains preacher’s daughter and lulu by lou reed … i think lulu is a fantastic album def my #1 of all time LOL i know a lot of people really hate it tho 💔💔 what kind of stuff do you do for fun? like hobbies? sorry if ive asked that before LOL but its very interesting to me -❄️

that’s ok! dw abt it i understand

i completely forgot abt ziggy stardust 😭 it’s literally one of my favourite albums of all time idk how i could’ve forgotten lmao. also lemon demon’s spirit phone was a big one for me in lockdown i was literally obsessed w it! i heard it again recently it is a rly good concept album too

i’d say my main hobby is painting! i mostly paint w oils but sometimes i do watercolours even though i find it rly frustrating n don’t like it as much as oils but it’s still fun! i also do some digital drawing. also i’ve recently started a journal that’s mostly cool things i’ve collected like receipts from cool shops, clothing tags, photos i’ve printed, little sketches, stickers and things like that. i’ve been having so much fun w my journal lately and it’s the first time i’ve ever rly kept a journal going for a long period of time. it’s also made me rly appreciate small moments in life n honestly i’ve scoffed at ppl who talk abt journals like this in the past but it’s been so good for my mental health. that was a bit of a tangent but i’m just rly excited abt journaling lol. most of my hobbies revolve around art ig but i also play the sims and sometimes minecraft. i think that’s abt it. what are your hobbies??

#srs22

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ruffgem · 2 years

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hello! i just went through your art tag and i really like what you have created! i really enjoyed the surreal acrylic paintings, i found them very striking and sometimes terrifyingly psychedelic! and i really loved your piece "winter", i love the scale difference between the two figures and the border and the texture of the piece. I am not a visual artist so maybe i do not have the right words but i thought you should know I found your work really fascinating and very much to my taste! :) and i can't wait to see the next things you post!

Omg thank you so much this is so nice!!!! I’ve been having a really hard time motivating myself to make art lately, especially since I have a hard time turning down portrait commissions from family/friends/family friends, etc., and those take forever to finish, so I never have a whole lot of spare time or creative energy. I used to almost solely draw portraits, and I think that perception of my art is stuck with a lot of people I know, but my artwork sorta took a turn away from portraiture and more towards the surreal as I learned more about myself and art in general. but I have a hard time, for some reason, displaying the themes I actually like to make art about to extended family and distant friends (people in facebook-land). anyway, long story short, all that art goes here on tumblr!! I’m always really grateful to hear that people like it!!

Also, your word choice made total sense, so no worries at all about being able to find the ‘right words’ or anything— you were very articulate and I really appreciate it! Thank you again!

also I’ve been thinking about making a whole series of drawings inside little frames like in ‘Winter’ so maybe this is a sign that I should start thinking about that idea more, lol

#again thank you!!!!#sorry for the mini rant #LOL #I’ve been having a Moment with my art lately #but this was so nice thank you! and thanks to all y’all who like my art on here its very nice of u :) <3

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glassedplanets · 2 years

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ok i have some time so now i can finally fill out that full ask meme

1. Art programs you have but don’t use

paint tool sai and firealpaca -- i used sai for yeeeaaaars and years and years after starting out in photoshop

2. Is it easier to draw someone facing left or right (or forward even)

neither, honestly? i go through phases where one thing suddenly becomes dramatically more difficult than anything else but i don’t think that among left/right/forward any one of them is easier than the other two

3. What ideas come from when you were little

uhhhh man. idk. cats? i don’t remember what i drew when i was little tbh

4. Fav character/subject that’s a bitch to draw

i feel like each blorbo goes through a phase where they’re a bitch to draw but for subject... indoor settings are currently my big bitch to draw

5. Estimate of how much of your art you post online vs. the art you keep for yourself

hmmmm. 90/10 post/keep, i think? i’m interpreting “post” generously to include just sharing w/ friends too

6. Anything that might inspire you subconsciously (i.e. this horse wasn’t supposed to look like the Last Unicorn but I see it)

oh man this is a really broad question but like. i think everything is a subconscious inspiration, you know? my friends’ art, that post i just saw, the way the sunset looked yesterday, anything. but more specifically than that... idk lol, i’m not particularly self-aware, i think, so someone would have to say something to me

7. A medium of art you don’t work in but appreciate

pixels!! pixel art is so cool but idk anything about it, and quilting too

8. What’s an old project idea that you’ve lost interest in

i’m preeeetty good about finishing things so i don’t generally abandon them out of lack of interest

9. What are your file name conventions

answered!

10. Favorite piece of clothing to draw

shirts generally (t-shirts and button-ups), but i’ve been enjoying pants recently too (jeans, slacks, leggings)

11. Do you listen to anything while drawing? If so, what

literally anything from neil cicierega to video game osts to asmr

12. Easiest part of body to draw

golly! everything has the potential to be a challenge. i feel like the thing i struggle with least often (in the sense that i don’t need to use refs quite as often and/or it needs adjustment less often) is hands, i really enjoy drawing them

13. A creator who you admire but whose work isn’t your thing

hmm. i feel like this is an easy one to be Mean about so i’ll just go with naming a style that isn’t my thing, which would be 90% of drawn and quarterly’s catalog, or, the litfic (derogatory) of graphic novels

14. Any favorite motifs

man. idk. do i have Motifs? people touching subtly. late afternoon.

15. *Where* do you draw (don’t drop your ip address this just means do you doodle at a park or smth)

home! i don’t like drawing outside of home but i am also a massive homebody in general

16. Something you are good at but don’t really have fun doing

answered!

17. Do you eat/drink when drawing? if so, what

yes......... lmao whatever meal intersects with whenever i happen to draw is what i eat, and i hydrate like a pro

18. An estimate of how much art supplies you’ve broken

probably some when i was a child, but i take good care of my stuff! i’ve never broken anything as a teen/adult, unless it was something inevitable like charcoal breaking

19. Favorite inanimate objects to draw (food, nature, etc.)

nature! bob rossin’ it ALL day, i am fortunate to live in a very beautiful area and i’m very deeply inspired by everything i see as i’m out and about

20. Something everyone else finds hard to draw but you enjoy

i think hands qualify for this, idk if it’s still popular to hate on hands but i really enjoy drawing them

21. Art styles nothing like your own but you like anyways

so many... i feel like i don’t follow a lot of artists with a style similar to mine? or maybe i do and i’m just unselfaware about it, idk

22. What physical exercises do you do before drawing, if any

i’ve got a pinchy ulnar nerve so i have to do nerve glides for that sometimes, and if i’m very stiff then i do wrist stretches

23. Do you use different layer modes

absolutely the fuck i do

24. Do your references include stock images

yes! stock images, stuff i find by googling, pose books, awkward photos of myself, anything

25. Something your art has been compared to that you were NOT inspired by

i am genuinely not sure anyone’s ever compared my art to anyone or anything...? this is an invitation if anyone reading this has ever been just burning to tell me that my art looks like [thing]

26. What’s a piece that got a wildly different interpretation from what you intended

i mean... i draw fanart. so usually it’s pretty clearly what it says on the tin.

27. Do you warm up before getting to the good stuff? If so, what is it you draw to warm up with

not really, i use my sketch layer as a warmup

28. Any art events you have participated in the past (like zines)

i’ve never participated in a zine but i would love to someday....... and i tabled at an artist alley one (1) time at a convention that where the AA was more focused on commissioning (traditional) art than selling merch

29. Media you love, but doesn’t inspire you artistically

uhhh wow. lots of stuff, i guess? even with very visual things there’s a lot of stuff i read/watch/play where i’m like, this is beautiful, but it’s not something that i want to be able to do

30. What piece of yours do you think is underrated

i’m gonna take this as a “plug something shamelessly” question and say this one

#not art #ask meme #fun!

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legallybronzed · 5 days

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Lately I’ve been so grateful for having someone who loves me the way I’ve always needed. A lot, actually. Then it makes me think of all the horrible stuff that happened in order for me to get here. I know you experience hardships to really appreciate the good when it comes; but remembering all of the truly awful things that happened is eating away at me.

I don’t think it’s fair to say ‘in order for me to get here’. Why does having to experience pain and suffering grant me basic kindness? And grace? Why does going through abuse and SA and r*** have to make me appreciate the times I’m treated like a human being? It’s hard to understand why any of it happened to begin with. And I know that’s common. It just creeps up some days more than others. I think talking about my mom in recent sessions is making it worse.

My therapist talks to me about how your body remembers things even when you don’t. How it makes sense to have delayed attacks after talking about things you no longer attach emotions to. It’s hard for me to understand the subconscious, because it really does feel like the things I talk about don’t affect me as much as before. So I don’t understand why I still have adverse reactions even though I feel like I can logistically walk through a memory.

But lately, it’s been hard to carry around that baggage. I don’t know why now of all times I’m thinking about ALL of it. So much. It’s like my brain is trying to sabotage me just as I finally see a concrete future for myself— just as I’ve finally started to grow as a person. Except, it’s with really deep trauma this time. I want to address the things I’ve never talked about or explained, I want to feel like I can put it down. I know if I opened up I would feel at ease and I could finally say it was real and it happened. Address it face on for better or worse.

I know that if I keep ignoring it, it won’t go away. I know avoiding it is getting less and less effective as time goes on. But at the same time, I don’t want to explain myself to anyone. I feel like speaking it into existence would skew my image and paint me as permanently damaged, tainted, irredeemable and desperate. I wish I could just learn and grow and put things behind me on my own; instead of feeling like I’m searching for attention.

I question if I want pity and validation by opening up, and sometimes I think I do. Sometimes I get these urges of blurting everything out to someone in my life in order for them to feel sorry for me. It almost feels like making them purposefully feel sorry for me would make me selfishly feel better because it would prove my life has been hard. And that everyone should feel bad for me, because I’m one of the few thats really been through the ugly. And they should commend me for being alive.

that feels so gross.

The thought of it makes me feel embarrassed, guilty and shameful— opening up to someone to see them feel bad for me. So I could feel better about myself. It makes me feel like I’ll be lying or exaggerating the truth if I told someone. The urge to make someone feel sorry for me is there regardless, and that in itself makes me feel extremely ashamed.

It makes me feel like my baggage isn’t actually true, or as bad as I say it is. Like I’m just making everything up because I want special treatment; so does that mean I’m willing to lie for my own benefit? Because with that logic I’d be giving them an undeniable reason to never hurt me or leave me.

There’s this similar, deeply pervasive feeling like I’m trying to prevent my partner from leaving me or hurting me. Like I’d be willing to do anything to guarantee that they wouldn’t hurt me, and in the case that they were in the process of doing something that could hurt me; telling them things to feel sorry for me would stop the them from hypothetically hurting me. As if I’m trying to let them know I’m aware of their inevitable infliction of pain, so that they could stop whatever they're doing and assess the situation. So that even if I was unaware of them hurting me, they would stop before I ever realized what was going on. Even though, mind you, I know from the bottom of my heart they wouldn’t hurt a hair on my head. Physically, or metaphorically.

Quite the difference, actually. My partner would go to the ends of the earth for me. I would for them too. Nothing in heaven or on earth could ever bring me to cause pain or hurt them in the slightest. I’m confident they do everything in their power to keep me safe, happy and healthy. I never doubt their love for me. Not once, not ever. And I’m in no way skeptical of their intentions. So why does my brain have the liability to overthink what doesn’t exist?

It sucks to think I’m still desperate for love attention even when I’m freely given it. Like there’s never enough love or attention to go around, and I need it all. It sucks to realize that at my worst I used to justify hurting others to alleviate the incessant insecurity and lacking devotion. Also in a way, used to manipulate others for my preservation. I used to feel like I had to hurt others to remind them how much damage I can do if they crossed me. Or, preemptively have the experience of hurting them until they do something to cross me. Then holding what I’ve done over their head; I’d unleash this giant flood of pain and revenge. Like I had a weapon of self defense at my disposal. That was me. That was 18 year old me. I grew up traumatized, damaged, scared, naive, uneducated, undiagnosed, unmedicated, un-parented. Me. And it’s not an overstatement either. That mechanism that got me through years of suffering, survival, and isolation, was the result of years of suffering. Me, before I knew what it was like to be cared for. Have the love, help, and support I needed.

Honestly maybe that’s why I have this overwhelming sense selfishness. That, and my personal circle making me feel like I was selfish, ungrateful, and a burden. Right at the center of it all. Deep huh?

I’m not typing this in hopes of being read. I think writing out this huge, self reflective statement is extremely cathartic for me. I would never hurt another person in my life, I think it’s inexplicably unfair and cruel; and I hate to even admit I’d been so wrong about it in the past. I think it is a poor reflection of character and irrefutably highlights the low points of my life. I don’t think I can ever explain how grateful I am for who I am today. It’s just so, so hard to stay positive and think of my growth when my previous life experience creeps up behind me. It’s difficult for me to face what trauma will do to you, let alone mental illness will do to you; especially being bipolar. But also, how much change can happen with proper guidance and care.

I’ll probably just read this at my session on Wednesday

#personal #nonsense

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