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#IVE KEPT THIS FOR FIVE MONTHS

skitskatdacat63 · 11 months

Text

Guys :D I just wanted to let you know that I'm gonna be studying abroad for the next month or so, so I might not be as online as I'd like to be :( but mostly I'm :( about how I won't be able to keep up with races as well as I'd like to. As you know, I usually like to try to post for every event, but especially quali and the race, but I might perhaps be a little busy :) cannot wait to watch on a train at least once :,)

#saying this as i sit in the airport waiting lmao #i like how this has been confirmed for several months and just kept forgetting to mention it here lol #but watch me be online just as much as usual #just a bit sad about not being able to gif as much as i like to #IM GONNA MISS MY DOUBLE MONITORS SADDDD #catie is abroad :D #ive been living in existential dread for like the past couple weeks #i went through a all five stages of grief and reached acceptance #and then had a panic attack in the car earlier LOL #(i have super anxiety especially agoraphobia and seperation AAAGGGHHHHHH)#(but dw dw its fine its cool)#catie.rambling.txt

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soxcietyy · 2 months

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hii, can i req a older bf + soft dom yuuta please?

Biker Yuta

Age gap, soft dom, Yuta being fine af in general

It was almost every night, the exact time at 1:30 am where a loud bike would pass by your house. It was so loud that it would wake you up from the deep slumber you where in.

At first you didn't think much about it when you first moved into your new house but now its been months and you kept hearing that loud bike zoom by. At some point you grew tired of it and decided tonight was the night you would confront whoever this selfish individual was. There was tones of roads that person could go on and he decided your street was the one to travel on every night? Did this person not have a job?

Grabbing your coat you slip it on and walk out in your pajama’s that consisted on small shorts and a tanktop. Checking the time on your phone you noticed it was five minutes till one. Walking out the door you stand by the mailbox with your arms crossed. The passing cars probably thinking that you weren't fully right in the head. After a few minutes of standing there you could hear the loud bike from a distance.

How where you supposed to get this person attention? you had no clue but decided to find out once it was time. As the bike got louder you step into the middle of the road. When the vehicle came into view you had to shut your eyes from how bright there headlights. Using your hand to cover your eyes from the light you could feel two hands grab you and pulled you to the side. With a gasp you turn around to see them?!

What was the biker doing here? shouldn't he be the one...

before you could finish that though a car zoomed by extremely fast. Then it hit you, you could of almost died mistaking that car for the biker.

"what are you doing in the middle of the road like that? you could of gotten hurt." A male voice said from behind that helmet.

"I thought it was you!" you say grabbing you heart that almost popped out of your chest

"Me? either way you shouldnt be doing that. Arnt you supposed to be in bed at this time?" He asks as he sat you down on his bike.

"yea i actually am but a loud bike likes to go through my neighborhood, waking me and everyone else up! Do you know how much sleep iv lost because of you?" you say angrily.

grabbing his helmet with both hands he slowly takes it off and shakes his helmet hair before looking at you. "Im sorry I didn't know i was bothering people with my late night rides." he says. "Im usually coming out of work at that time and well this is the way I go to make it home.

"Well how about being more quiet? I would hate for us to have issues." You put your hand on your hip.

"Issues? Now I don’t think that’s necessary. How about I make it up to you?" He mocks you by putting his hand on his hip too.

"How will you make it up to me? Do you know how much beauty sleep iv lost because of you?" You quirk your brow.

"Well before I even give you an answer I need to know about you such as name and age."

"My name is y/n and I’m nineteen." You answer.

"Seven years apart mmh, well how about you let me relieve all that stress you got pent up? If you know what I mean. My name is Yuta by the way." He places his helmet under his arm.

27 and he looks young? He’s also not bad looking at all. It wouldn’t hurt to try something with someone more experienced than you. "Sure but I would hate for your back to give out in the middle of it." You hum

"Hey I’m not that old, let’s see who’s back gives out first huh?" He chuckled as he followed you back to your shared house.

Your roommate was luckily out of town for the week so you had the whole house to yourself. It didn’t take long until he was over you. Smothering you with kisses and the string cologne he wore that smelled rich of leather. His bangs touching your forehead as they dangled over you. He still held his helmet in his hand before he dropped it so he could get a better hold of you.

The kisses were fast but deep. It was almost as if he was so desperate to get a taste of you. As he continued to kiss you his gloved hands snaked under your shirt and fondled your breast. You couldn’t lie and say he didn’t look fine with his blacked out gear. If you knew he looked like this you would have confronted him long ago.

Pulling you closer to him he removed your bottoms and his right hand glove. "Want me to teach you how a real grown man should treat a lady?" He whispers in your ear before sliding his fingers in you.

He long fingers bend and move around inside of you. He made sure to touch every spot causing you to throw your head back in pleasure. Biting your bottom lip you shake your head unconsciously. You didn’t even noticed when he crouched down and began to eat you out. That was until your legs began to shake uncontrollably.

"Yuta" you moan

Hmm? He Hums causing you to jolt from the sudden vibration. Why was he so good at this? Could it be his years of experience? Whatever it was you wanted to thank everything that made it possible for him to be with you tonight. He was eating you out so sloppily that the noises echoed in the room. His tongue glided side to side on your clit as his fingers moved in and out of you. You gripped his hair as you got closer to your orgasm. His other hand grabbed your thigh so you wound the able to escape his grasp.

When you started orgasming you moaned his name once again. Tears rolling down your face from how good it was.

Turning you over on your stomach you could hear him unbuckling his belt. Tilting your head back you could see him adjusting himself to your entrance.

"Arnt you going to take your clothes off?" You ask him wondering why he was fully clothed.

"Wouldn’t want to distract you from the main event." He smacks his hard member on your behind.

He then leaned over you and grabbed your face directing you to look at your pile of stuffed animals in a corner.

"Arnt you too old for those things?" He says amused.

"You can never be too old for stuffed animals" you mumble.

Without saying another word he slammed right into you. Your eyes widen at the feeling of being filled up. You don’t think you’ve ever had something this big inside of you. Squeezing your eyes shut you feel how he slides in and out of you smoothly.

"There you go, you’re taking me so well. Thought you would have been crying for me to stop." He says as he quickens his pace. You grip onto your blankets as he slams in and out of you. Each thrust getting deeper and harder. You could hear him breathing heavily next to you ear. You could also heard how the necklaces and chain that he wore cling together with every move. His non gloved hand moved under you and began to pull on your nipple as he continued with his pace.

"You just so cute." He says as he kisses your head, your cheek and your shoulder. "I think I’m gonna start bothering you even more if it mean we get to do this everytime." He mumbles. "Not going to lie I was having second thought about this but I’m so glad I went along. You feel so fucking perfect around my cock." He wraps his arms around your body and slams you all the way into him until he reached places you never thought were possible.

Your jaw drops as he doesn’t let go. Your eyes rolling back at this new painful yet pleasurable feeling. "Yuu" you cry out trying to catch your breath but him hearing you say his name like that turned a switch on for him. He fucked you while you were still being lifted up. Your feet not being able to touch the ground as he used you like his personal cock sleeve. You squirm in his arms being overwhelmed by everything but he held a tight grip on you. At some point you stopped trying and gave in. Your toes curling as you orgasmed once again coating his member in white.

"Easy now, just bear with me for a minute I’m almost there." He groans.

After a few more slams he finally finished inside of you.

He placed you back down slowly and collapsed on top of you. Breathing heavily, trying to catch his breath.

"Fuck, are you On birth control? Or do you need me to get you a plan B?"

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dysaren · 2 months

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STARGIRL.mov | t.fushiguro

-⋆｡ᝰ.ᐟPAIRINGS.tojixfem!reader

-⋆｡ᝰ.ᐟSYNOPSIS.camboy!toji holds a raffle!

-⋆｡ᝰ.ᐟMDNI_WARNINGS.sweet toji :(, toji calls you pet names, recording, pussyeating/licking/fucking, daddykink, p in v, mating press, slapping, cervix kissing, squirting, doggystyle, butt plug, coming inside (pls practice safe sex!), aftercare, the ending is cringe asf lol

-⋆｡ᝰ.ᐟA/N.i havent done a fic in so long so hopefully this doesnt flop. ive been in my toji era recently <3

@/starboy_ posted an update! ⬎

hey everyone! i will be hosting a raffle this month. the lucky winner gets to come over and create a tape with me. tickets start at $20 each! i will be picking a winner two weeks from now. good luck!

l͟i͟n͟k͟

-T.F

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you read your favourite content creator's post, intrigued.

first off, $20 bucks? far too expensive for one ticket...but if it meant getting plowed by your online crush, youd pay for 10 tickets in a heartbeat.

you have been watching toji's content for about five months now, thankful that a sketchy twitter link brought you to his cam page. (thank god you pressed that link because you havent gotten off to anything else but his content. )

when you were able to catch his streams, your eyes would follow the stroke of his thrust, pumping his thick cock into a poor fleshlight or something similiar. you couldnt resist the urge circle your fingertips on your senstive bud with phallic didlo stuffed inside your clenching pussy. he was addicting.

very rarely would he post videos with him and other people. it would start off with the usual foreplay, with him getting sucked off, them getting eaten out or both at the same time. then toji would slide his dick into them, making them scream because of how girthy he was. he would put them in so many positions, cowgirl, missionary, hooking their legs up over his shoulders so he could explore more angles. fuck he would even put them in amazon position if they wanted to.

your favourite thing about toji, and what also seperated him from the other content creators, was the fact that after the session, he would leave in the aftercare clips at the end.

soaking a towel in warm water to clean his partner up, bringing them a glass of water, praising them, etcetera.

how could this man go from the roughest fuck to the sweetest praise in the same video?

it was comforting to you because everytime you'd squirt violently because of him, his praises would make your stomach clench with giddy.

you hover your mouse over the link "fuck it" you say while clicking on it. you grab your wallet from your bag, taking out your card and bought enough tickets to pay for the month's groceries.

you were able to catch toji's stream two weeks after you bought your raffle tickets.

he's in a tight black tee with those stupid pink cat headphones ontop of his head. (someone mailed it to him for an unboxing stream and he has been using them ever since.)

"hey guys..." he greets as a flood of people join, adjusting his gaming chair so he can sit up easier. "before we start the show, its time we announce the winner for the raffle!"

he's set up his computer to screen share the wheel he's created, filled with many usernames. you spot yours multiple times. it seems as through you and three other people bought the most tickets out of the 50+ participants. his cursor hovers above the 'SPIN!' button.

your heart beats faster with anticipation. sure, there was a very big chance that you werent going to win, but your brain kept feeding your delusions.

toji presses the button and off it goes.

you watch as the florescent colors of the wheel spin and meld into one another, circling faster and faster before slowing down gently.

holding your breath, you monitor your username as it gets closer and closer to the arrow at the top of the circle.

and then, it stops

the arrow has stopped at your username. a flash of confetti litters toji's screen.

you watch the little box in the corner, filming toji, a smile forming on his face. he ends the screen sharing.

"it looks like our winner is @/dollface.y/n!"

you let go of the breath you were holding. your eyes rereads the username again. he just said your name right?

you type in the chat.

▹dollface.y/n: oh my god

toji reads your message. his resonant laugh fills your earbuds, making you shiver. "let me send you a friend request first, and then i'll send the details for the event after the show!" you hear a few clicks of his mouse, followed by his keyboard.

a notification pop up in your inbox

╰⪼@/starboy_ has sent you a friend request!

you accept his request immediately, your eyes still focused on the black haired man.

“once again! congrats to @/dollface.y/n for winning the raffle. now lets get this show started!” he announces, dimming his room lights to a blood red.

a week after, you find yourself outside of a hotel. prior to tonight, toji sent you a congratulatory message as well as the location and requirements needed before the meet.

as you step inside the hotel lobby, you feel butterflies graze the sides of your stomach walls. you couldnt believe how unbelivably nervous you were. it also didnt help that you wore your shortest skirt.

the elevator ride up was quite long as you were on the 12th floor. there is only one room there and it was the penthouse suite.

when you opened the door, you were greeted with the robust scent of cedarwood. the suite was clean, with white and grey deco. the chandlier in the middle of the living room illuminated all. you were obviously blown away because you didnt see the tall, dark-haired man to your left.

"pretty right?" he chuckles, watching you with a steady eye.

you jump in surprise, his low voice startling you. to your left, stood the man youve been dreaming of for so long, except there was only a towel concealing his lower half. you could see an outline of his cock.

his upper body was like that of a god. his happy trail led up to his small (&slutty!) waist and chisleled abs.

toji eyed you, a shit eating grin adorning his face. you were in a trance.

he cleared his throat, seemingly breaking your stare.

“youre y/n?” he asks you.

“yes..” you lock eyes with his. his beautiful piercing green eyes making your legs feel like jello. you could feel the fabric of your panties soak as you watch him licks his lips

toji seems to be just as entranced as you are. “youre beautiful.” he says lowly. he looks at you up and down, soaking up your frame. youre wearing a black miniskirt accompanied with a lace cami top. he can see your cleavage peaking out from the dip of the top.

“sorry?” you didnt hear him.

“nothing.” he smiles at you, walking towards you with his arm extended out.

you hesitate for a moment before putting your small hand in his large one.

the size difference between the two of you very was noticeable. toji could feel his stomach flutter with excitement. (it doesnt help that he has a size kink too)

he brings you to the bedroom, which is almost fully white except for the light grey accents.

on one side of the bed you see a camera, pointed towards the bed.

“feel free to get whatever you’d like before we start. you can drop your stuff here. theres some snacks and water in the kitchen and a bathroom just right there.” toji points to the door beside the bed.

he really is just like how you imagined him. sweet when he wants to be yet still rough.

“okay…thank you. im just gonna get changed in the bathroom real quick.” you tell him, unknowingly giving him doe eyes. you bend over to set your bag down on the floor, your miniskirt lifting up to reveal a wet patch on your lacey panties.

fuck. toji thinks

“okay. ill be here when youre done.” he finde hinself sitting on the plush mattress.

toji’s eyes are glued to the door as he waits for you to come out. he was capitvated by you. the way you moved, how you presented yourself, how soft you voice was when you talked to him, how soft your hands were.

all he could think about was how your small hands would wrap around his cock. how would they look when they were digging into his skin?

he wanted to taste your sweetness. he wonders what you sound like. youve already got him bewitched both body and soul.

in the bathroom, you undress yourself to reveal a dark red lingerie set. you inhale and exhale once more before opening the door.

toji leans back when he sees you. he can feel his dick harden and he knows you can see it too when he tracks your eyes down to his lower half.

"cmere baby." he murmurs.

you walk to him all sultry like, making sure to try to hold eye contact with the man. you sit next to him.

"youre fucking sexy..." he whispers in your ear.

"mmm.." you hum, feeling goosebumps pebble at your skin from his hot breath.

"are you ok with this angel?" he looks at you with tense eyes. "you can use the stoplight system if youre feeling uneasy."

you bite your bottom lip, acknowledging the information youve just recieved.

toji kisses your forehead before standing up and pressing *RECORD* on his camera.

suddenly his deameanor changes. his eyes darken with lust. he initiates a ferverent and intense kiss. the action elicits a muffled yelp out of you.

toji makes out with you violently, licking your bottom lip to signal you to open your mouth. when you do, he lewldy explores your mouth with his tongue.

he gently pushes you into the bed, slowly bringing his hand closer to your sex. he cups the warmth before rubbing your clit under your wet panties.

the man releases the kiss, watching how pathetic you get under his touch. he chuckles. "youre so fucking wet." he sees the work he's done to you, your lips puffy and pink from all the kissing. "your username suits you dollface.." he says ernestly, speaking quietly enough for the camera not to pick up the comment.

you whimper, shy because of his remark. also because he was picking up the pace with how he was circling your clit with his rough digits.

toji grunts as he stops his actions and roughly pulls off your delicate panties, almost ripping them in the process. he then kneels at the foot at the bed, watching your juices glisten against your pussy.

he thumbs at your lips, spreading them slowly to watch your tiny hole clench around nothing. he smirks before licking a wet stripe along your pussy.

he blows lightly against your sex wanting to hear your whines again. and when he does, he begins to suck and lick at your pussy like it was his last meal.

youre grasping at the white sheets, moaning louder and louder as he devours you, his fingers working inside of you. your eyes cross as he hits your special spot.

"ngghhh fuck daddy please!!" you wail, your legs unable to close because toji has locked them in place with his burly hands.

he lifts his head up, your juices staining his chin. "say that again baby."

you hum before he plunges back in, this time, thrusting his tongue into you.

"daddy!" tears form in your eyes. "m'gna cum! im cu-" you lose all sense of control as you cream on his tongue, eyes rolling back.

he huffs. " i didnt say you could cum angel." making the grip on your legs tighter, causing you to mewl. he slaps your pussy with delight.

"m sorry..daddy." you slur.

"poor baby. already so fucked out you cant even get words our properly. " he titters before lifting your legs up and placing them on his shoulders. he gets up onto the bed.

you gasp, feeling your lower half being more exposed. you watch as the dark-haired man removes the towel from his waist, revealing his stiffined boner. his angry red tip, twitching.

"ugh look what youve done to me angel." he growls.

you bite your lips, observing how he slaps his shaft against your slick, teasing your overly sensitive clit.

"anghh." seeing how you sob from his actions, toji kisses your cheek before plunging his entire length into you. he groans from the tightness.

"oh fuck! youre so fucking tight baby..." he exhales heavily, not giving you time to adjust to his thickness before pumping into you.

you scream from the stretch. "ahgh!!" you let go of the sheets, moving your hands to grip onto his upper arms and shoulders. "daddy! t'much!!" you cry in protest.

toji halts his actions before removing your bra and slapping your tits harshly. "shut the fuck up slut." he snarls, watching as the blood rushes to your skin, leaving marks on your sensitive tits.

"mmmggnh..." your mind becomes mush as he pushes himself further into you, his tip kissing your cervix. your eyes roll back, tongue lolling out of your mouth.

"m'gna squiirt..think m’gna sq…” you cant even finish your sentence before you cum for the second time, squirting all over his lower body. he can feel you clench around his dick.

he laughs as he watches your face contort with pleasure. "youre fucking cock drunk." he says, removing himself from your sopping pussy. your pussy clenches around nothing as he spits on it. "dont think im done with you yet."

you mewl as toji flips you over with great strength, still making sure he doesnt hurt you in the process. he moves behind you, gripping at your hips so your ass up face down. he slaps your ass and groans when he watches the fat jiggle. he reaches for his bag, grabbing a plug with a cute pink heart attatched to the end of it. he spits on it, thumbing at your virgin hole before plunging the cold metal into your ass. you scream something incoherent.

he watches as he slaps your ass again, the crystal heart nestling between your cheeks. he pushes himself into your cunny once more. the snapping of his hips faster than before.

"dadddy!! m'please! faster! i wan' it f-aster..!" you choke, feeling his cock press against your g-spot multiple times.

"mggf." toji responds, his hands gripping at your fat. "be a good girl and tell me whos fuckin you so good?" he presses his pelvis into your ass, making sure youre full of him.

you comply, synchronizing his thrusts with how you fuck back into him. "you!..you daddy!! yo-ure fu..cking m'so good!!"

he smirks, smacking your ass some more. "thats fuckin right baby. only i can make you feel this good y' hear me?"

"yesss..." youre moaning like a broken record. you tilt your head to face the camera, hoping it doesnt pick up how smeared your makeup as become from crying.

"pl-ease...please lemme cum..daddy!" you beg the man. he doesnt respond, making you frusturated. "daddy-y...!" you yell.

"such a fucking cumslut. already?” he mutters under his breath. "cum f'me" he grunts, his eyebrows furrow when he feels that familiar clench around his cock.

the knot in your stomach snaps and you let out a gutteral scream. the way your pussy grasps at his cock makes his balls tighten. he thrusts into a few more times before he finally loses control and lets his seed flood your sweet pussy.

but he doesnt stop there. he overstimulates both of you as he fucks himself deeper, a creamy ring forming at the base of his cock.

"take it-all angel.." he slurs with pleasure. panting, he slows his thrusts eventually plugging you with his cock so his cum wont seep out of your sex. theres a bulge at the bottom of your stomach. you’ve never felt so full

a few seconds after, he finally releases himself from you. your pussy has become a creamy mess, frothy cum leaking out.

"mmm so warm.." you mumble, still recovering from your high. toji exhales with a smile, before leaving you to get a warm towel. he keeps the camera recording.

he comes back with said towel and a glass of water. he helps you remove the plug before helping you rest your head on a pillow.

gently, he cleans around your beat pussy and kisses your clit. he moves further up your body, making sure to praise you on how well you did for him.

"you did so well doll. i knew you had it in you." he strokes your hair. "so fucking good f'me." he kisses your lips then your forehead. you smile weakly at him. toji wipes at your smeared makeup, ruined by tears. "m'sorry i was so rough with you."

you comfort him, whispering that you loved it.

afterwards, he carried you bridal-style to the bathroom where he cleaned you up, whispering sweet nothings in your ear.

"youre my stargirl."

the next morning, toji suggested that you should change your username to match his. and so you did.

its safe to say that the tape you and him created did numbers on his page. all the comments were asking for more of you.

and of course he didnt want to disappoint his fans. so you and him sent out an announcement together:

@/starboy_ posted an update! ⬎

thank you for all the support on our last tape. due to the high volume of requests, y/n and i have decided to continue filming with each other. stay tuned!

-toji & y/n

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#jujutsu kaisen #toji x you #toji smut #toji x reader #toji zenin #jjk toji #toji fushiguro #jujutsu toji #jujutsu kaisen toji #toji x y/n #jjk fushiguro #toji fushigro x reader #toji #jjk #jjk x reader #jjk smut

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coffeeshades · 7 months

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credits to the gif maker!

LOVE IS COMPLICATED - PART IV

summary: the trials and tribulations of falling in love or two idiots who can't get their shit together.

pairing: pedro pascal x actress/singer!reader.

word count: 7.2k

warnings: 18+ (minors dni). mentions of sex. angst (heavy on this i'm sorry in advance) cussing, age gap, mentions of drugs and alcohol. no use of y/n, if i missed something please let me know!

a/n: hi everyone! yes yes i know i disappeared for like 5 months but let's pretend i didn't. i've seen all of your messages and comments and i'm overwhelmed with all the love you've shown to the previous parts. thank you so much to everyone who likes, reblogs and leaves a kind message, i see you and love u. here's a new lil chapter, i hope you enjoy it. happy reading!!

February 28th, 2019

Cort Theater, NY

The day was here. The day he had been eagerly waiting on for months. The anticipation had been building up, and now he was finally going to perform in front of a live audience for the first time in what felt like an eternity. The months of rehearsals and hard work had all led up to this moment, and he was ready to give it his all.

He was starring in the new Broadway production of “King Lear" as Edmond, one of the play's most complex and intriguing characters. The role had challenged him in ways he had never experienced before, pushing him to delve deep into the character's motivations and emotions. As he stepped onto the stage, the bright lights shining down on him, he felt a surge of adrenaline and a sense of purpose.

And just like that, three hours and twenty-five minutes later, the final curtain fell on the play. The audience erupted into thunderous applause, their standing ovation a testament to their incredible performance. Exhausted but exhilarated, he knew he had given everything he had to the role and left it all on the stage.

His mind raced with a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions. The rush of adrenaline slowly subsided, and as much as he wanted to hear what everyone thought of his performance, there was only one person whose opinion mattered to him right now: yours.

The last time he saw you was on your last day in Chile, almost two months ago. He vividly remembered the bittersweet farewell outside his family's house—you getting into the car and him closing the door. A door that seemed to separate their worlds. Since then, they had kept in touch through messages and occasional video calls, but it wasn't the same. Of course it wasn't. It will never be.

The distance between them had only fueled his longing, making him yearn for your presence even more. Constantly trying to derail his one-track mind.

He knows you're here. He had invited his siblings and closest friends. However, he was unsure of your attendance until an hour before the show, when he received a text from Oscar:

"She's coming with me. Stop pacing and good luck."

He hadn't really discussed what happened back in Chile with Oscar or anyone, for that matter, but he could tell everyone knew something was off about how the two of you interacted. So when he got the message from Oscar, instead of freaking out about him potentially finding out about you two, he felt relieved.

It gave him comfort to know that Oscar knew him so well that he was aware of the fact that you were the cause of his two-hour pacing in his dressing room. It was also fucking stupid and laughable.

The energy backstage was electric as he walked through the bustling crowd of crew members and performers. He entered his dressing room, grabbing his phone and immediately seeing all the texts from friends and his siblings. He opened one from Javiera: "Felicidades, hermanito! Killed it. See you at The Terrace."

They had planned on getting together afterwards to celebrate. He replied with a grateful smile, saying he'd be there in a few and to get there without him. He quickly changed into a more casual outfit: dark jeans and a comfortable white t-shirt. Wanting to unwind after the intense performance, he made his way to the restaurant. It was only a few blocks away from the theater, so he decided to enjoy the pleasant evening weather and take a leisurely stroll.

Once he got there and stepped out of the elevator, Pedro watched you from across the room. A delicate hand rested on Oscar's shoulder as you chatted and laughed together. He felt a bubble of pride in himself swell; it warmed him to know that you were enjoying yourself and having a good time.

He felt like an intruder in your intimate moment, but he couldn't tear his eyes away. At least I don't have to miss her anymore because she's right there, he thought.

Pedro made his way across the room, trying to appear nonchalant as he approached the table.

"There he is! the man of the hour," Oscar said, a wide smile spreading across his face.

You turned. Eyes meeting, and it was like a car crash. A collision of emotions and memories flooding back all at once. The air between you crackled with unresolved tension, and Pedro's heart raced as he struggled to find the right words to say.

"You came," he said, his voice stern. Not reflecting at all the turmoil inside him. "Thank you."

"Well, you called," you replied, trying to sound nonchalant as well. Deep down, though, your heart was pounding just as fast as Pedro's.

Everyone seemed to ignore the palpable tension in the room and how he was losing his mind over these unclear conversations between your glances, carrying on with their congratulatory words to Pedro as if nothing had happened. But for Pedro and you, time stood still.

People settled into an easy conversation, enjoying each other's company as the night went on. As the night went on, Pedro and you exchanged occasional glances, silently acknowledging the shared secret that lingered. He wanted to scream it at the top of his lungs: We slept together! We slept together, and I loved it! He wanted every single person in New York to hear it. To feel the exhilaration and passion that consumed him.

However, to say it was to make it real, and Pedro wasn't quite ready to face the consequences of that reality just yet. He knew his place in her life. He knew it was better this way. However, the ever-present question of 'Is it better to have something and lose it than never have it at all?' haunted his mind.

The laughter and chatter around you provided a stark contrast to the whirlwind of emotions swirling within both of you. After a couple drinks, the atmosphere became more relaxed, and Pedro found himself engaging in lighthearted conversations with the people around him.

"Ah, man. I need a cigarrette," he said to Oscar, reaching into his pocket for his pack of cigarettes.

"Go, go. I'll keep everyone entertained," Oscar replied with a smile, gesturing towards the lively crowd. Pedro nodded gratefully and stepped outside, the cool night air providing a brief respite from the chaos of his thoughts. As he lit his cigarette and took a long drag, he couldn't help but wonder if the temporary escape it offered was worth the potential consequences.

"I thought you quit," you remarked, slowly making your way to him, eyebrows raised in mild surprise. Pedro turned and exhaled a cloud of smoke, a wistful expression crossing his face. "I did, but you know me. I have a hard time letting go of old habits," he admitted, flicking the ash off his cigarette.

"Care to share?" you asked, gesturing towards the pack of cigarettes in his hand. Pedro hesitated for a moment.

"No."

"No?" you repeated, raising an eyebrow.

"I don't want to be the reason you get lung cancer."

You chuckled. "Ok, so you can do it, but I can't. Got it."

"I'm old; there's no use," he said with a shrug. "However, you have a whole life ahead of you."

"You make it sound like you're on a deathbed," you teased, taking a playful jab at Pedro's dramatic statement. He smirked and took a long drag from his cigarette before responding. "Maybe I am, in a way. But hey, we all gotta go someday, right?"

"That's...dark," you sighed. "mind if we changed the subject?"

"Sure, what do you want to talk about?" Pedro asked, flicking the ash from his cigarette. "Anything to distract me from my impending doom," he added with a smirk.

A laugh escaped your lips as you thought of a lighter topic. "How about we discuss your play?" Pedro's eyes lit up at the suggestion, momentarily forgetting about his earlier morbid thoughts.

"How are you feeling about your performance?"

Pedro looked at you for a little too long before finally responding, "It's funny I'm thinking about death because I've never felt more alive than on that stage."

"I could tell. I thought you were great, P."

He shook his head modestly. "Thanks, but I still feel like there's room for improvement. I want to push myself even further in the next shows."

"I get that."

Pedro watched you stare at the ground. His thoughts began to conspire against him, and as he was about to speak, you also looked up and opened your mouth at the same time. Words rushed out in unison.

You both paused, realizing you had interrupted each other. Pedro chuckled tentatively and motioned for you to go ahead. "Sorry, you first," he said with a polite smile.

You bit your lip, seemingly trying to gather your thoughts. "It's nothing. I just wanted to tell you I'll be in Europe for awhile. I got the Nolan movie."

"Woah, another one?"

"Yup. The role isn't as big as in interstellar, but I love working with him so much I couldn't pass up the opportunity." Pedro nodded, a mix of excitement and disappointment flickering across his face. "That's amazing; congratulations. I'm sure you'll do great, as always," he said sincerely. "I'll definitely miss having you around, though."

"Well, it's not like it'll be much different than now," you replied. "I haven't seen you since...since you know," your expression turned somber, cheeks flushed.

You were right. He was so busy with the play and his new role in the second installment of Wonder Woman that he barely had any time. He even had to cut back on his time on set for The Mandalorian reshoots this month and a few scenes for a second season that haven't even been announced.

"Yeah, I know."

"Should we talk about it?"

"I mean, there's nothing to talk about, really," Pedro said with a shrug, not daring to look you in the eye. "We slept together, and we both agreed that was it. No need to complicate things further." he tried to maintain a casual tone, but his voice wavered slightly.

Pedro wanted to scream. The nicotine clouding his lungs was the only thing keeping him from losing control. It seemed like all he was left with was a painful reminder of what could have been. He looked at you as he took another puff of smoke. Your eyes clearly searching for a trace of emotion in his face, but finding none.

A droplet of rain landed on Pedro's cheek as he inhaled deeply, feeling the coolness against his skin. It was as if the universe was reflecting his inner turmoil, adding to the weight of his unspoken words. He watched as you looked up at the darkening sky, the raindrops falling steadily on your hair.

The sound of thunder echoed in the distance, mirroring the storm brewing within him. He dropped the cigarrette from his hand, its ember extinguished by the rain.

"Isn't that the point of love, though?" you finally responded, your voice raspy and drunk with bitterness and resignation. "To complicate things, to make us question everything, to drive us to the brink of madness. Maybe it's not meant to be simple, Pedro."

His body tensed up, and your words clearly struck a nerve. The weight of your statement hung heavy in the air, leaving an uncomfortable silence between you both. It was no secret that his perspective on love had been tainted by past experiences, leaving him guarded and unwilling to let go of his pain.

"You're right. Which is why I would rather stay away from it. I've seen firsthand the havoc it can wreak on people's lives," Pedro admitted, his voice laced with a hint of frustration. He knows he's hurting you; he can see it by the way your eyes glisten with unshed tears.

"So that's it, then?" you asked, your voice trembling. "Is this how it is always going to be?"

But he can't risk it. "I thought we were on the same page with this."

He sees how your jaw tightens at his statement. He knows he's hurting you. He's twisting the knife even deeper. He can't seem to stop just because he believes it's for the better.

Please know it's for the better.

"Yeah, I guess it's better this way," you spat back, your voice filled with anger. Of course, you could tell exactly how he was feeling.

"Guys! What the fuck are you doing outside? It's fucking pouring!" A friend shouts from the doorway. "Get inside!"

You both stood there staring at each other, momentarily forgetting the rain pouring down around you.

“Yeah. What the fuck are we doing?" you say, not even trying to mask the anger in your voice.

He wants to reach out and kiss you. Kiss you so hard that his lips would bruise. Kiss you so hard that your pain will fade away. But that action would go against everything he had just said.

So he just watches you turn around and leave.

What the fuck is he doing?

3 months later

After weeks of shooting in the United Kingdom and the Amalfi Coast, you and the crew finally had a couple of days off. Aaron, John, and Rob had the brilliant idea to take a quick trip to Monaco.

“It’s a Grand Prix weekend,” Aaron said excitedly. “Maybe if we make a few calls, we could still snag some passes.”

“Doesn’t that start this week?” Rob inquired, taking a sip of his drink. Ever since your arrival in Italy, the four of you finally got the chance to eat dinner together at a nice restaurant.

“Yeah, yeah,” Aaron waved his hands in the air, “but if we leave tomorrow, there’s plenty of time to get there and enjoy ourselves.”

You were so focused on your meal that you missed the sound of your name coming from Aaron’s mouth. “Hellooo?” he continued, and you looked up at him, eyebrows raised. “Aren’t you friends with Lewis Hamilton?”

“Yeah. Well, I mean, we see each other sometimes at events and stuff. He’s really nice,” you tell him, still feeling a bit distracted.

“Could you maybe give him a call and get us those passes?” he asks, pouting like a puppy. John laughs at him, hitting him lightly on the arm.

“Sure, I can try,” you reply, feeling a bit hesitant. You rarely ask for special favors and don't want to come across as entitled, even more so when you haven't spoken to Lewis in so long.

“Yes!” Aaron celebrates by raising his fists. "Um, one more thing,"

“Mate, you’re pushing it now,” Rob remarks with a playful tone. You can tell he's enjoying the banter between you and Aaron.

“Go on,” you gesture at him to continue, a smile on your face.

“Could we also use your PP?”

“Use her what now?” John exclaims. Laughter erupts from Rob's mouth, making you and John join in.

“Her private plane, mate!” Aaron says, embarrassed.

“Yes, Aaron,” you get out, still laughing. “I’ll let you use my PP.”

"Thank you!"

•••

The flight to Monaco was smooth and quick. You spent most of it trying to focus on a script for a project after this one while the boys all slept. After your dinner last night, you made two calls: one to Lewis to ask about the passes and one to your publicist to let her know about your last-minute adventure.

Lewis was very nice as usual and said that, of course, he can get you the passes, while your agent said attending an F1 weekend would be good publicity and good fun. A win-win situation, she called it. She also said that since you were going to attend the race, you might as well attend all the events that come with it, which meant she had to fly in to assist you.

By the time the plane finally landed and you made it to the hotel, you were worn out. You spent the rest of the afternoon and night sleeping, without a care in the world. The next day, soft knocks on the door woke you up.

"It's me," Taylor's voice called out.

You groggily got out of bed and opened the door to find her standing there with her laptop, a cup of coffee, and a huge smile on her face. "Good morning, sleeping beauty."

Although you hadn't passed a mirror on your way to answer the door, you had the feeling that you didn't look visually appealing at the moment. Your body ached, like you wrestled with a wild animal all night and lost.

"Did you just get here?" you ask her, rubbing the sleep from your eyes. She smiles and shakes her head. "I got here late last night, but you weren't answering the phone, so I called Renata instead, and she said you were sleeping. And like the great person I am, I let you rest." Renata is your PA/publicist, a great friend, and one of the two constants in your life, along with Taylor.

"Wow, so kind of you," you say sarcastically, but can't help the small smile that tugs at the corners of your mouth. "Come in."

As Taylor enters, you shut the door behind her. She scans the space in fascination. There are floor-to-ceiling windows on the wall that run the length of the room and the wall to your left, which is behind the dining room table. A broad view of the harbor can be seen between the sheer, white, fluttering lengths of the floating curtains.

"Gorgeous suite," she says, sitting on the plush sofa across the room.

"Ren always chooses the best rooms, so yes," you tell her, sinking once again into your warm bed.

"You're still tired? You've slept for like 16 hours already," she chuckles, pouring herself a glass of water from the crystal pitcher on the side table. "I know, but I guess the jetlag is hitting me harder than I thought," you reply with a yawn, closing your eyes and taking a deep breath of the fragrant flowers on the nightstand.

"You didn't come to Monaco to sleep, did you?" Taylor chuckles, sitting down on the edge of the bed.

"Yes?"

"No! We have a full itinerary planned for today, starting with breakfast at Café de Paris across the street with the boys. And then we're off to the Hotel de Paris for a F1 brunch event. There will be lots of food, drinks, and hot guys. Specifically, hot F1 drivers," you groan-laugh inwardly at the thought of dragging yourself out of bed so early for the sake of hot guys. "You know that's the last thing on my mind, right?"

"Well, not on mine!" she replies with a wink. "But seriously, it's not just about the eye candy. The event is also for a good cause, raising funds for a local charity. And it's also a great place to network and meet new people—you know the drill." You nod in agreement, feeling more motivated to attend, knowing that it's for a meaningful purpose.

With a determined sigh, you sit up and swing your legs over the edge of the bed. "Okay, I'll shower."

"Let me call Renata and tell her to prep the car and get the glam team in here."

"Thank you," you tell her, disappearing into the bathroom.

•••

Two hours later, you find yourself entering the venue of a charity event with your very impatient and rather enthusiastic co-star and best friend, Aaron. The venue is buzzing with excitement as you take in the elegant decorations and the well-dressed attendees. Since it's Monaco in May, you're sporting a light blue strapless top and white linen pants that complement the warm weather and the sophisticated atmosphere of the event.

"I can't believe Rob and John sat this one out because they were 'too tired', Aaron remarks, shaking his head in disbelief.

"Well, they don't have the energy of a 5-year-old, unlike you," you tease, playfully nudging him. "But hey, more champagne for us," you add with a mischievous grin as you grab two glasses of champagne from a passing waiter. "Cheers."

The bubbles tickle your nose as you take a sip, savoring the crisp and refreshing taste.

Camera flashes illuminate the room as people mingle and engage in lively conversations. You're stopped every 5 minutes by someone wanting to take a picture with you. You oblige every time with a smile, posing for each photo and exchanging pleasantries. After all, that's why you're here for.

Everything was going smoothly until someone bumped into you, causing you to spill champagne all over your clothes. The cold liquid seeps mostly through the fabric of your top, leaving a sticky sensation against your skin.

"Oh, my bad," you hear a thick Australian accent apologize. You turn to see a rather tall, tan-skinned, handsome man with a sheepish grin on his face. Did you say how handsome he was? And what the fuck was he smiling for?

Once he realizes who you are, his eyes widen in surprise and anguish. People start noticing the commotion and turn their attention towards the two of you. The man quickly grabs your arm and pulls you away from the crowd, his grip firm but gentle.

"Hey! Where are you taking me!" you protest, trying to free your arm from his grasp. His grip tightens slightly, but he maintains a calm demeanor as he leads you towards a quieter corner. As you reach a bathroom, he finally releases his hold on you and takes a step back, his expression filled with concern.

"Relax, I'm not kidnapping you."

The chaos around you fades into the background as he shuts the door and starts grabbing paper towels. "Shit, here," he says, handing you one. "Sorry for ruining your clothes."

You start wiping the spilled drink off your clothes, a little annoyed at the inconvenience. You can feel his gaze burning into you without looking.

"Do ya want me to give you mine?" he offers, gesturing towards his own shirt. "It might be a bit big on you, but at least it's dry." he pauses, waiting for your response.

You stare at him. "And what? you're going to walk around shirtless?" you ask, raising an eyebrow. He chuckles. "Yeah, I have a banging body, so I'll just be doing everybody here a favor here, really," he replies with a smirk.

You roll your eyes at his cocky remark. "I think I'll manage without your shirt, thanks," you say sarcastically. "But I appreciate the offer."

He laughs as he observes you. "Okay, then let me find another way to make it up to you."

"There's no need."

"Do you have plans tonight?"

"I'm fine."

"Does 7 p.m. sound good to you?"

"Listen—"

"Where are you staying?"

"I don't even know you."

"It's Daniel."

"Okay, Daniel. I don't know you, so no."

"But you could," he says with a playful glint in his eyes. "And who knows, it could be the start of something new."

"Are you quoting High School Musical to me?"

"Hey, it's a classic. And it was right there."

You chuckle, unable to resist his charm. Something lights up in his eyes.

"Listen, I won't push you anymore. It's up to you. Can't blame me for trying, though." you raise an eyebrow, considering his words.

"I'm going to go now," you tell him, pointing at the door.

He nods understandingly. "See ya later."

•••

After about 30 more minutes of indulging everyone in conversation and enjoying the party, Lewis Hamilton finds you. "Hi sweetie, there you are," he greets you, ever so polite. "I heard chatter that you were here. I thought I wouldn't see you until tomorrow's practice sessions."

"Oh yeah, but you know duty calls," you say with a smile as you lean in to hug him. "It's so nice to see you. Thanks again for the passes."

"Oh, it's nothing. You would've gotten them without me, but I'm glad you called me instead. How have you been enjoying Monaco so far?"

"Good, good—" you begin, but before you can finish your sentence, a burst of laughter you recognize from earlier erupts from across the room. "Actually, do you happen to know him?" you ask Lewis, gesturing with your head towards the source of laughter. Daniel is joyfully engaged in conversation with a group of people. Lewis follows your gaze and chuckles, "Ah, that's Daniel Ricciardo. He's a fellow Formula 1 driver and quite the character, to be honest. He's a cool dude."

"Huh," is all you manage to say as you watch Daniel animatedly tell a story, his infectious laughter filling the room.

"What are we looking at?" Renata and Aaron find you and join the conversation; their curiosity is piqued.

"Nothing," you quickly respond. Renata immediately caught on to your evasive response and followed your gaze. "Oh, Daniel?" she exclaims, voice hushed and her eyes glinting with excitement.

"Wait, you know who he is?"

"I did my homework on the plane. He drives for Renault, and he looks great doing it."

Lewis and Aaron chuckle at Renata's enthusiasm, sharing in her excitement. "I think Renata will be watching a few races from now on," Lewis remarks, causing everyone to laugh. Renata shrugs, a proud smile on her face. "Trust me, I will, but not for him. Have you heard of Charles Leclerc?"

You're still staring at Daniel, dumbfounded. Wheels are turning in your mind.

Aaron's voice interrupts your thoughts. "So...why are we still staring at him?"

"I'm going on a date with him tonight."

Your own declaration surprises you.

"Wait, you are?" both of your friends say in unison, their eyes widening with curiosity.

"Yes," you say, setting down your drink. "You guys ready to go now?"

They nodded, not wanting to press further but clearly intrigued by this, and you said your goodbyes to Lewis, promising to see him on Friday at the track. As you made your way to the exit, you grabbed Daniel by the arm and pulled him aside.

"Hotel Hermitage, 7 p.m., Room 303. Don't be late," you whispered, voice calm and steady. Daniel's mouth curled into a smile, but he maintained his composure and nodded, a feeling of excitement in his gaze. With a final pat on his shoulder, you rejoined your friends and headed out of the venue, eager for the evening ahead.

•••

You don't know what the hell you were thinking when you said yes. You could feel your anxiety building as the time approached—face flushed, stomach twisting in knots. James and Liz, your hair and makeup team, paused, laying out brushes and curling wands. "Everything okay, love?" James asked. "You want us out?"

"No, keep going. You're almost done, anyway. I'm just internally freaking out a little."

"You're great and look beautiful," Liz replied. "There's nothing to worry about."

You give her a tight smile and try to believe her words, but the nagging doubts continue to linger in the back of your mind. As the final touches are applied, you take a deep breath and say your goodbyes to them.

"Good luck and have fun!" James says as Liz winks at you and closes the door. You chuckle at their enthusiasm. You walk back into the bedroom and pick up the black cocktail dress hanging on the closet door. The soft fabric feels comforting against your fingertips as you slip it on. The dress hugs your curves perfectly, accentuating your best features. You grab your clutch and check yourself in the mirror one last time.

A knock on the door startles you. "Coming!"

Breathe, you remind yourself.

"Wow," Daniel says with a warm smile. "You look absolutely stunning. Are you ready to go?"

You're sure your face must look like a tomato as you thank Daniel for the compliment.

"Yes, let's."

As you reach the entrance of the hotel, Daniel hands the valet a ticket, and he opens the door of his car for you. "My lady," he says with a playful bow. You can't help but feel a rush of excitement as you step into the very flashy luxury car. For an F1 driver, you didn't expect anything less. The soft leather seats hug your body as you settle in, and the sleek interior design adds to the overall opulence of the vehicle. Daniel starts the engine, and the car glides smoothly onto the road.

"Where are you taking me?"

He looks at you with a mischevious grin plastered on his face. "My friend Max is throwing a yatch party tonight, and I thought it would be the perfect way to spend the night," he says, revving the engine slightly. "But I intend to dine and wine you before we head there."

"Oh," you reply nonchalantly, "Nice."

"Still playing hard to get?"

You shrug and give him a grin.

"That's alright. I enjoy a good challenge," he replies, his eyes sparkling. "But I have a feeling that by the end of the week, you won't be able to resist my charm." He winks at you.

"You're quite confident, aren't you?" you say, raising an eyebrow. "But don't underestimate my ability to resist." You smirk back at him, ready to prove him wrong.

The car pulls up to the entrance of the restaurant, and you both step out onto the bustling street. You make your way inside. "Oh, I've been here before," you say lowly, feeling a little satisfied that it is something you've experienced already, so it's harder for him to impress you.

You couldn't have been more wrong, though.

The hostess greets you with a warm smile and leads you to the main dining area. As you follow her, you can't help but notice it's....empty. Not a single table is occupied. The dimly lit room feels intimate and cozy, with soft music playing in the background and red roses adorning each table.

The hostess gestures towards a table in the middle of the room. "The waiter will be with you shortly," she says before leaving you alone.

You turn around, facing Daniel. "Did you rent out the entire restaurant for us?" you ask, slightly surprised. Daniel chuckles and shakes his head. "No, I just made a reservation for a quiet evening," he replies.

"You're an awful liar."

"I just saw how hectic everything was for you this morning, with all the pictures and people clamoring for your attention. I wanted to give you a break from that and create a peaceful vibe for us to enjoy tonight," Daniel explains, his eyes filled with sincerity.

You smile. "That's very thoughtful. Thank you."

"I have my moments."

The night continues with the two of you enjoying the delicious food and engaging in fun and light conversation. The peaceful atmosphere allows you both to relax and truly connect with each other.

Just what you needed but didn't realize until now.

"You're literally always smiling," you tell him. In the very short time you've known Daniel, there's something constant about him: his distinctive smile. Daniel chuckles and replies, "It's amazing what surgery can do. Formula 1 pays really well, and I was able to put a lot of that money into permanent smile surgery."

You burst out laughing. "Well, they did a great job," you say, still chuckling.

•••

You glided arm in arm onto the yatch, dry martinis in hand and a revolving stream of waitstaff to refill your drinks as soon as they emptied. You feel more relaxed and comfortable now. Maybe it was the three glasses of wine you had at dinner and the drink that's currently in your hand, or maybe it was the contagious laughter and carefree attitude of your date.

Cote d'Azur was a smooth wash of precious stones at this time of year. The ocean's deep, smoky blue stretched out like a shiny carpet. Loud music blasted from the speakers, and the upper deck was transformed into a vibrant dance floor with people spinning and swaying to the beat.

You wished you could rest your head on Daniel's shoulder without looking like you were already drunk.

He excitedly introduced you to his friends, who instantly made you feel like part of their tight-knit circle. As the night progressed, you found yourself effortlessly blending in.

"So how did this insufferable clown manage to take you out on a date?" Max asked, his voice loud over the booming music.

You shared a brief glance with Daniel. "He spilled champagne all over me."

"And then she couldn't help but fall for my charming personality and good looks," Daniel interjected with a playful grin.

"Yes, that's exactly what happened."

Daniel puts a hand on your lower back, and you mindlessly lean into his touch. "You wanna go outside for a bit?"

The need for some fresh air and a break from the crowded room causes you to hum in agreement. You leaned over and observed the white waves as they cut through the water as you came across a section of railing near the stern of the yatch.

The sound of the waves crashing against the yacht provided a soothing soundtrack to your conversation. As you leaned against the railing, Daniel's playful banter continued.

"Are you having fun?"

"Very much so," you replied, a smile tugging at the corners of your lips.

"So I'm winning sooner than I thought I would."

"Winning what exactly, Daniel?" you asked, raising an eyebrow playfully. "The game of enjoying this beautiful yacht ride? Then yes, I suppose you are."

He laughed, but it wasn't his usual boisterous laugh. It was a softer, more genuine sound that made your heart flutter.

He came closer. "Would you like me to whisper it in your ear?"

As he leaned in, you could feel the warmth of his presence enveloping you. His eyes were locked with yours.

"You're falling for me," he whispered, his voice husky. The words sent a shiver down your spine, confirming what you had been trying to deny for the past hour or so. Not because you didn't find him charming or attractive, but because you felt like you were betraying the person who broke your heart months ago.

How can someone break your heart if it wasn't theirs to begin with?

You push back those thoughts.

The playful banter that played out all night faded into the background as a new energy filled the air, sparking a connection between the two of you that was impossible to ignore.

You give in.

"You think?"

He nods, his eyes dark. Your hands were encircling his neck, one at the nape of his neck and the other against the side, where you could feel his heart pounding beneath the pads of your fingers. Your fingers scraped at bristled hairs as you held onto his curls, and you enjoyed the feel of them rubbing against the pads of your fingers. You were tightly gripping him in your hands, not allowing even a millimeter to pass.

Daniel couldn’t decide where to touch you. You huffed a breath against his mouth as the lightest of touches - the barest featherweight of fingertips, like your skin was made of silk, traced along the curve of your jawline. The sensation sent shivers down your spine, making you crave more of his touch. His fingers continued their exploration, trailing down the nape of your neck, leaving a trail of tingling sensations in their wake.

He had pressed you against the railing at your back with no warning, and you felt the firm pressure of it. And now you arose from it, attempting to cling to every bone-hard surface of Daniel's body. His lips found yours in a passionate kiss, igniting a fire within you that consumed all rational thought.

"People are watching," you whispered breathlessly, breaking the kiss reluctantly. Daniel's eyes met yours, filled with a mix of desire and mischief. He smirked, his hand sliding down your waist possessively.

"Let them."

You were so fucked.

•••

You’d barely been able to breathe these past couple of days with events and rendezvous with Daniel consuming your every waking moments. It was fast paced and you found yourself completely swept up in the whirlwind of emotions. He was showing you his world and you were willingly diving headfirst into it.

It was Saturday morning, which meant is qualifying day and despite all of the media commitments and preparation that Daniel had to do, he’d promised breakfast as a way to make up for it. So here you were at a cafe only a short walk from the circuit, chewing your way through a delicious stack of pancakes while Daniel sipped on his coffee.

It felt oddly comforting to be sitting there with him. He was a stranger to you just a few days ago, but now he feels like a familiar presence. The conversations flowed effortlessly between you; he was funny, attentive, and attentive, but most importantly, he wasn't afraid of showing you off and telling you how much he liked you.

From the moment you crossed paths, he showed interest in you and made an effort. You haven't questioned whether he genuinely liked you or not. It was nice to be with someone who didn't play games or hide their feelings.

Your mind has also found a new way to torture you: whenever you felt happy with Daniel, a nagging voice in the back of your head would remind you of him.

Him. Him. Him.

You couldn't even say or think of his name. It was too much.

And yes, you were content, but you couldn't help but think about it.

The first time you tasted Daniel's lips, you were let down it wasn't the same. That feeling of disappointment lingered, but as days passed, it dissipated more and more. Maybe one day it'll be gone completely, you thought.

"So let me get this straight," you say, putting your fork and knife down on the plate. "You were on your way to winning in 2016, but a pit stop error cost you the race?"

Daniel nods. "It haunted me for so long. I couldn't shake off the frustration."

You grab your coffee and lean back on the chair, listening intently. "It was very dark. I should've been happy because I was on the podium in Monaco, and that's huge, but I was miserable. The whole time, all I wanted to do was smash everything to pieces and scream, which is something you do not want to do in front of Monaco royalty, by the way."

You raise an eyebrow, intrigued by Daniel's emotional upheaval. This was clearly a pivotal moment for him. "So, what finally helped you move past that?" you ask, curious to hear his response.

"Well," Daniel begins, a hint of a smile playing on his lips. "I won last year."

"Yeah, that'll do it."

You both laugh, and he places a hand on your knee beneath the table. "But honestly," he continues, his voice softening. "It wasn't just about winning. It was about proving to myself that I could overcome my own limitations and achieve greatness."

"So...winning basically," you respond, teasingly.

"See, I wanted to be humble about it, but let's be real, winning felt pretty damn good," Daniel admits with a sheepish grin. "I love winning."

You snort in amusement, "Well, I guess a little bit of bragging rights never hurt anyone."

You two carry on with your meals. His left hand still on your knee, and the air filled with contentment.

•••

While Daniel returned from the qualifying weigh-in, you waited at the back of the garage. You had gradually gotten to know the Renault team over the previous two days. Everyone, from the mechanics to the media team, has been friendly and welcoming to you. You're still trying to decide whether it's because of Daniel, your status, or that they were just nice. Pretty sure it was all three.

You were aware that it would be best for you to stay out of the way as the team worked and the broadcasting teams were filming in and around the pit lane, but you were unable to hide in Daniel's prep room. At the back of the garage, you found a calm area where you could watch the busy activity without being a nuisance.

You were aware that, although you might have been in the VIP sections, you couldn't be that far away from him. You were able to feel more connected to Daniel and the team's spirit by spending time in the garage.

The phone had been ringing nonstop all day in the back pocket of your pants; the screen frequently flashed with new notifications from your social media accounts or texts or calls from friends and family. You were aware that the countless pictures of Daniel and you parading through Monaco were the root of the problem.

It was truly a sight to behold to be watching him race around the track and walk around the paddock.

He was in his element.

"You look cute, baby," he says, referring to the oversized headseat on your head. His face flushed from the heat, and yours from the compliment. His hair was messy and a little damp from sweat, evidence of the intense racing. He looked perfect.

Fuck.

He leaned in for a kiss, his lips brushing against yours, electricity rushing through you.

Fuck.

"I think you're winning," you say, your eyes fixed on him.

"Aw, that's sweet of you, baby, but I didn't qualify that great," he chuckles, his eyes twinkling with amusement.

"That's not what I meant."

His face is puzzled for a moment before realization dawns on him. He smirks, his signature smile spreading across his face. "Oh," he says, his voice filled with warmth and affection.

"Yeah," you say, barely above a whisper, your eyes never leaving his.

"I told you so," he replies, his voice filled with confidence and pride.

"Shut up," you say playfully before kissing him again.

Fuck.

You were falling for him.

a/n: oh oh pedro...someone's stealing your girl. are you guys team pedro or team daniel?

Reblog or like if you enjoyed it! thank you for reading :)

#happy october 1st 🎃#pedro pascal imagine #pedro pascal smut #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal fanfic #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal angst #pedro pascal fluff

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rollingsins · 1 year

Text

all hers, part vi

summary: For as long as Tara could remember, she’d had this thing inside her. Ghostface!Tara origin story.

warnings: 18+ reference to murder.

word count: 2.6k

a/n: sorry this one took so long, appreciate all the love for this fic! let me know what you want to see next, looking to maybe take some more smutty suggestions for gf!tara ;)

For as long as Tara could remember, she’d had this thing inside her.

This hot, horrible, blackout anger that lived in her bones. Lurking just under the surface. It left her in shivers, cold sweats. It left her aching, panting. There was nothing quite like it.

Her Dad used to call it “The Rage”.

“Get a handle on The Rage, Tara.” He’d warn before dropping her off at school, “Remember. It’s just an emotion. Like any other emotion. You can control it.”

He was wrong, Tara couldn’t control it. No matter how hard she tried.

She couldn’t control it the day Peter Millwood stole her crayons. She’d whacked him across the face with her ruler with all the might of a four year old girl. Might have done worse had Mrs. Parker not frog-marched her straight to the Principal’s office.

She couldn’t control it the night her older sister Sam had stolen her barbie when she was six. She’d wrapped her hands around Sam’s throat, choking, choking, choking until Sam was screaming and her mother was prying her off and smacking her so hard over the backside it left angry, red welts for days.

Her childhood was scattered with incidents like that. Possessive. Child councilors had whispered to her father. Doesn’t share well with others.

They’d prescribed therapy sessions, pills that made her so sleepy she couldn’t concentrate in class. Her Dad hung up a poster on the back of her door; a picture of a thermometer. A sliding scale of five numbers: one, a little picture of a cartoon boy smiling, was happy. Five was a little old man, scowling and angry.

She’d gone to their sessions over and over. Their words in one ear and out the other. Nothing they said ever worked. “Five.” She’d growled at her father in the backseat of the car on the way home from a soccer match. A girl from the other team had tried to take the ball from her. The coach had stopped Tara before she could tackle her to the ground.

“One.” She’d announced happily sitting in the nurse's office after recess with a swollen hand. A boy much bigger than her had tried to bully her out of her lunch money. Tara had punched him square in the jaw.

Months flew by. Tara watched as her father turmoiled; no pill, no therapy session could fix her.

The night before Tara turned thirteen, her father walked out on them.

Sam blamed herself, but Tara knew the truth. It was her. It was the Rage. He’d spent every spare dime he had trying to fix her but it was impossible. She was a lost cause, after thirteen years, he’d finally figured it out.

Her mom seemed to think so too. She buried herself in work, business trips, vacations, boyfriends. Anything that kept her away from Woodsboro. Away from Tara.

Tara cried herself to sleep for two months straight the night he left.

The Rage had cost her a father, a mother and a sister. It wasn’t what she wanted. She didn’t like the things it made her do. It was like this thing inside of her that took over. Like a demon, swallowing her whole. It was angry, violent. It wanted to hurt.

And nothing or no-one could help her.

Sam moved out. Tara learned to spend her nights alone. She taught herself how to make simple foods, like pasta and steak. Her Dad hadn’t taken much when he’d left, so Tara worked her way through his film collection. She didn’t care much for the westerns, or the gangster flicks. She scrunched her nose up at the heist films and the rom-coms. But the horror movies? It was love at first sight.

She worked her way through the Halloween movies first. Then Nightmare on Elm Street. Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

Finally, came the Stab movies.

She’d grown up in Woodboro, she’d heard the stories about Ghostface.

Stupid name, she’d first thought. Stupider mask.

But the more she watched the more he grew on her. He began to fascinate her. His motives were always asinine, much like The Rage. The hairs on the back of her neck stuck up at every kill. She became obsessed. First it was the movies, then it was the books. She read every article, spent countless hours on youtube - interviews, theories, facts. She watched them all.

By the time she’d finished middle school, Tara could recite every stab movie by heart. Better than that - her focus on the Stab movies meant The Rage had finally lessened.

She didn’t flip out about trivial things anymore, like someone borrowing a pen, or eating her last stick of gum. Instead, she pictured herself in a Ghostface mask. The blade between her fingertips as she drove the knife deep into said pen-thieving, gum-stealer’s chest.

Then it had been enough. Just the thought of doing it. Back when she didn’t have anything worth stealing.

And then she met you.

It was like fate, kismet. Just like all the tales in all the stupid rom-coms she couldn’t stand to watch.

She’d been sitting in biology class, doodling in the line of her margin. When she’d looked up, you were there. Beautiful, ethereal. Her heart had almost stopped the moment you’d locked eyes.

She knew right then and there you were destined to be hers. The Rage purred. It coiled from her around you like an invisible string, tying your fates together.

The next day she’d asked you out. The next week she’d kissed you, soft and slow, under the gentle hum of your porchlight. And the week after that you were hers. Officially.

It was perfect. You were perfect.

Her special, perfect thing.

Instead of lonely nights on the couch, watching movies by herself, you were there.

She cooked for you, made you all the recipes she’d spent her early teens learning. Showed you all her favorite horror movies. Spent nights on nights making feverish love to each other. She was your first, and you were hers. Not two months in, naked and entwined, she told you she loved you for the first time.

She was completely and utterly enamored with you.

“Tell me about your first kiss.” You had whispered one night, laid across from her on the sofa.

Tara’s first kiss had been awful. With a boy from middle school who hadn’t bothered to take his gum out. You’d giggled at that.

And then she’d made a colossal mistake: she’d asked you about yours.

Aaron was his name, you’d recalled. He was cute. He’d made your stomach flip. Sometimes you’d see him in the halls. He had long hair now, and he didn’t really look too dissimilar to Tara. You’d told her so. Nudged your elbow in her stomach.

“Maybe I have a type.”

Tara had felt herself get light-headed. Her mouth prickled uncomfortably. The hairs on the back of her neck stood up.

Her heart hammered. White hot jealousy coiled through her veins. Her stomach dropped; It was back, worse than she’d ever felt it before. She could feel The Rage taking over.

Not at you, never at you.

Aaron. Some punk kid with long hair who had dared touch you before she even knew you.

Her hands itched, she’d needed to hurt something. Someone. Aaron perhaps.

She imagined him under her, screaming out as she drove her knife into his throat.

“You okay, baby?” You’d asked. Your hands on her back, rubbing softly, “I was just kidding.” You leaned in, pressed a kiss to her cheek, “You’re way cuter than Aaron.”

Tara had kissed you hard. Shelved The Rage.

The Rage had ruined everything good in her life, it wasn’t about to take you as well. She’d do everything in her power to protect you from it.

English class. Her knee was bouncing.

Withdrawal maybe, from you. It was the only class you didn’t share together. You’d been dating for months now, barely a moment without her. Everyday you were hers, The Rage got stronger.

It wasn’t just Aaron. You’d had a girlfriend before her, Sadie. You still shared a class together. The Rage wanted her gone, just like Aaron. Your best friend, Chase, watched you with moon eyes. You never noticed but Tara did. The Rage did. It coiled inside her, beating its fists against her chest, screaming to be let out.

She was pale today, dark circles underneath her eyes. She hadn’t slept a wink. She’d held you tight all night, gripping you as if Aaron or Sadie or Chase was about to break in and steal you from her.

Over her dead body.

In fact she was so exhausted, she’d thought she’d imagined it when she heard the boys two rows in front of her saying your name. She tilted her head, listened a little harder.

“YN. I have Math with her.” Sounded one of the boys. The other one groaned. “Lucky, dude.”

“Tell me about it. She’s so fucking hot.”

Tara leaned in. Gripped her pencil so hard it snapped. The blood rushed to her ears as she felt The Rage taking over.

“I might try to hit that this weekend. She’s always at Freeman’s parties.”

The other boy had scoffed. “Dude. She’s with Tara Carpenter. Good fucking luck.”

“Please.” Leered the first boy, “Chicks dating chicks is hot and all, but I bet she’s missing the D. All it would take is a couple of drinks and she’ll be all over me.”

He had leaned back in his chair with all the swagger of an eighteen year old virgin.

“Besides. Who knows. Carpenter’s pretty hot too. Maybe she’ll join in.”

Tara didn’t remember getting home.

She was shaking. Blood rushing to her ears. She’d got into the shower, fully clothed. Turned on the facet, straight to cold, hoping she could shock it out of her system.

One, two, three. The breathing exercises her Dad had taught her.

Five, five, five. Kill him, kill him, kill him.

It had never been this strong before. This wild. When she was a child she’d wanted to hurt, sure. She’d want to punch, or kick, or choke. In her fantasies she stabbed people - but it wasn’t real, it was just a daydream. This time, she’d wanted to kill him. A fantasy wasn’t enough.

One. Two. Three.

The cold water wasn’t working. She turned it to hot. Let the water scald her skin.

One. Two. Three.

She let out a long, dry sob. It felt like her insides were burning. Rage filled every part of her - from the painful throb of her chest to the fire-like blood flowing through her veins. She could feel her cheeks red, angry.

One. Two. Three.

“Baby?” Her head jerked up. It was you. You pried open the bathroom door.

“Tara?” You stared for a moment.

She looked a sight. Fully clothed, shoes and all, sat at the bottom of the shower dry heaving.

You were at her side in an instant.

“Baby.” You’d cooed as you pulled her to her feet, “What happened?”

The Rage pounded at her chest, like angry fists trying to claw through her ribcage. She could barely speak. You had turned off the facet, pulled her soaking body into yours.

“Come on, baby. Let's get you out of these wet clothes.”

You wrapped her in a towel, dropping to your knees to untie her shoes. She stood, soaking wet and shivering as you pulled jeans down her legs.

“You’re freezing.” You’d said. Wrapped her tight in your arms. Her body was shaking, but it wasn't because of the cold. If anything, she felt too hot. You had rubbed her arms, kissed her forehead. She’d buried her face in your chest, her hands gripping tight around your waist.

Mine. The Rage growled. You’re mine.

You’d fussed over her. Drying her hair with a towel, trying to coax her into bed.

When you’d leaned over her, pulling the sheets up to her neck, she had grabbed you by the wrist.

“YN.” She murmured, “YN. Baby.”

“It’s all right, sweetheart.” You had said, “I’m here. I’m just going to get you a hot water bottle and then I’ll be right back-”

Tara shook her head, tugging you down a little harder.

You let out a quiet gasp as she grabbed you by the hips, pulled you down to her.

“Shhh.” She’d murmured. Wild eyes. “I need to fuck you. Now. Please.”

You hadn’t put up much of a protest. She was feverish. Angry. Rough. Each thrust of her hips sent shockwaves through your entire body.

“Mine.” She had growled in your ear as you came hard around her fingers.

But not even fucking you could satiate The Rage. It thumped, still there, ever present. It was tormenting her. Flashes of you on your back, the boy from biology thrusting deep inside you. Another flash, you on your hands and knees, him pounding you into the mattress. It made her sick. It made her hands itch with anger.

It’s you or him. The Rage sing-songed at her. Stick your knife in him before he can stick his cock in her.

Your fingers on her cheek had snapped her out of it, only for a moment.

“Tell me what’s wrong, sweetheart.” You’d said. “Where did that come from?”

She’d looked down at you: lips swollen from her wild kisses. Angry red marks on your hips from where she’d grabbed you and held you down. She’d swallowed hard. She knew what she had to do.

“Don’t worry.” She’d said. Pressed a gentle kiss to your lips, “I had a problem. But I think I know how to fix it.”

She’d dropped you home later that night.

Then, she drove into town and bought herself a Ghostface mask.

She was spiraling.

She could feel it, thrumming, taking over. She was losing control.

The first murder was sweet relief. She hadn’t meant to kill two of them. Dan was his name, the awful boy who had plotted to get you drunk and steal you from her. She’d been halfway through tearing her dagger down his stomach when his older brother had walked in.

She’d had to kill him too. No witnesses. She did it quick, felt kind of bad about it afterwards.

The boost of serotonin at the look on Dan’s face when she’d driven her knife into his stomach more than made up for it.

For the first time in her life The Rage was satisfied.

But it wasn’t to last. It itched at her, the fact there were still people out there that had known the taste of your lips on their mouths. The Rage wanted them dead. Tara wanted them dead. Ghostface wanted them dead.

It was far too much to fight off her natural instincts. She was tired of fighting it. Exhausted. Now she’d known the feeling of her knife sinking deep into someone’s flesh, she didn’t think she could stop it even if she tried.

Aaron was next. She’d slit his throat while he begged for mercy.

Then Sadie. She’d stabbed her twelve times in the back. Once for every day you’d been hers.

Then Chase was all that was left.

And the worst had happened.

“Don’t be scared.” She’d murmured as you stared back at her, eyes wide and fearful. Lip trembling. Chase’s blood still dripping off her hands, “I would never hurt you.”

It was true. She’d never hurt you. Not even if you had run from her that night. Not even if you'd called the police. She’d turn her knife and drive it through her own heart before she’d ever lay a finger on you.

But you hadn’t run. You’d stayed, loved her despite the monster that lived inside her.

The Rage had taken everyone else, but not you.

Mine. It murmured everytime she was close to you. Sometimes she’d say it aloud. You’d nestle into her, hold her tight.

Yours.

Next part

#ghostface!tara #tara carpenter #scream #tara carpenter x reader #tara carpenter x you #tara carpenter x fem reader #ah #fanfiction #mine #jenna ortega #jenna ortega x reader

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dwntwn-strnlo · 8 months

Text

FROM A-FAR nathan doe

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 𝓈𝒾𝓃𝒸𝑒𝓇𝑒𝓁𝓎, dwntwn-strnlo.

↳ 𝐀/𝐍. ive had a heart attack and a half writing this oh my god this shit was the most stressful fic ever for no reason

↳ 𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆. nathan doe x reader

↳ 𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘. in which reader surprises their boyfriend

↳ 𝐑𝐄𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐃? yes! . . . "OK THEN. Could you do a fic with nate where she goes to visit him as a surprise and is all excited and sht, and then they go play hockey but the reader is rlly bad and he leads her and helps her" ( anonymous )

this is kind of different from the request, but i still kept it around the similar lines ig (theres still the surprise as well as hockey)

reaching the hockey rink you've stood in so many times before, you cant help but feel a tinge of nervous run through your body as you park. you've been in los angeles for almost a month, now spending time with your family, and haven't been able to see nathan in weeks.

of course, you guys get to talk on the phone, but it just really wasn't the same. the two of you were lucky enough that you only had a three hour time difference, but it was still hard to keep up with the well needed communication to sustain a relationship.

you planned it all out with the triplets, your surprise. nate expects you to be showing up on thursday, four days in the future. but you booked an earlier plane ticket and arrived sometime this morning.

chris had let you know ahead of time that him and his brothers would be at the rink watching nathan play, and it would be the perfect opportunity for you to show up.

quickly as time starts to tick before the puck drop, you throw on your gray hoodie, and then nathan's extra jersey overtop of it. hopeful that the double layering will help you fight off the cold.

stepping out of your car, your immediately embraced by the chilly air that you most definitely didn't miss while you were in california. a soft breeze wisps past your ankles as you fight to keep your hair in place; not really in the mood to have to run to the bathroom to make sure you look alright.

racing to get inside the still equally as cold building, you throw your hood up just in case nate is already on the ice- not wanting him to see you until after the game.

looking up into the seats, you immediately spot matt, nick, and chris, whom currently wave frantically at you. you've missed the boys too, they're some of you're best friends and you haven't seen them in just as long as you've last seen nate. which sucks, being away from your found family for so long.

a large smile hits your face as you run up the large steps, hurriedly reaching your friends. they all stand up and embrace you in a group hug, desperately trying to keep everyone from toppling over.

as the boys are excitedly greeting you and welcoming you back to boston, they're quickly interrupted by the speakers turning on with a small hiss, and the booming voice of the announcer is heard overhead.

the four of you sit down, and you wrap your arms tightly around your body, trying to fight the cold.

smiling, you watch as nathans team starts to skate out onto the ice, raising their sticks up in the air as the audience begins to get fired up.

two teammates rush onto the ice, and then there's nathan. "number five!" the announcer roars, "nathan doe!"

the sight of your boyfriend nearly makes you melt right to the ground, only to ever be seen again as the happy puddle on the floor.

finally seeing him in person, you now realize how deeply you've missed the kid. how much you missed his bright warm smile, the way his sweet brown eyes boar into yours, and the way his contagious laugh immediately brings up the room.

you cant help but notice how dopey your grin becomes when he takes off his helmet, lifting it high above his head with a large grin present on his face. his eyes lighting up as the cheers for him ring delightfully in his ears.

. . .

your simple admiration of the boy is enough to make the game go by fast. before you know it, your sitting on the edge of the seat, anticipation rising as there's only 7 seconds left and the game is tied 3-3.

nate skates backwards for a split second, but just long enough for the puck to be shot in his direction. spinning around on his blades, he shoots the puck and scores the final goal.

the crowd stands up in a roar, screaming for their home team as they take the game.

it takes everything in you to not run right down to nate and pull him into a much missed embrace.

once the players are back in their locker rooms, you and the triplets make your way down to the hall. the boys leave you with goodbye hugs before heading out to their minivan. leaving you in the hallway as butterflies swarm your stomach in excitement, as well as nerves.

peaking around the corner, you check who's coming. two of nathan's teammates lead, while nate stands at the end of the hall talking to his coach.

you lock eyes with one of the boys, elton, and he gets excited. "oh hey y/n!" he calls out. you're well liked among the team. you tag along nate a lot when they go on group outings, so everyone knows you.

your eyes widen, and you quickly hide behind the corner again. elton gives you skeptical look before you hear your name get called out again. this time in more confusion the excitement.

"y/n?" nates voice rings in your ears. his voice uttering your name gives you immediate butterflies.

not making yourself visible, you hear the sound of someone gently shoving past someone and appearing at the corner.

when nates eyes land on you, they widen along with his smile.

shock radiates off his presents, but is overwhelmed with happiness and love. "oh my god," he giggles. quickly pulling you into a warm hug. "i thought you weren't getting back till thursday?" he questions, pulling back just far enough to meet your eyes.

you shrug with a gentle smile, "there was a slight change of plans." you giggle, pulling him back in to kiss him for the first time in what feels like years.

he turns his head to deepen the kiss, but you laugh and softly put your palms on his shoulders to separate yourself. he nonetheless chases after your lips, not wanting to break away. but you nudge him again with a smile. "calm yourself kid," you giggle.

nathan rolls his eyes before getting excited, "did you see my goal?" he asks with contempt flashing over his face. "there was two seconds left on the clock!"

smiling, you nod, "i did. i saw the whole game, you did amazing, love."

he smiles, pulling you into another hug. "god, i missed you so much. you don't even know."

pressing a gentle kiss to his shoulder, you smile. "i missed you so much, baby."

↳ 𝐀/𝐍. PART 2 i miss playing hockey oh my god

TAGLIST

@slvt444smvt @thetriplets3 @stxrniqlo @ifilwtmfc @iha8you @oneirophobic @20nugs

#nathan doe #nathan doe x reader #nate doe #nathan doe fic #nathan doe x you #nate do x reader #nate doe fic #nate doe x you

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blood-grove · 7 days

Text

scar trails

now -> next life (wip)

-> tws; injuries , gore , sickness , death , vomiting (basically everything you think to expect in a zombi apocalypse)

-> older brother!kyle & black child!reader

-> a/n: okay so right this has been in my head for days now..so hear you go! also boom the reader is black bc why tf wouldnt they be (ive been dying to write abt a black!reader for so long as a black person)

-> n/n - nickname

y/n - your name ofc

"n/n c'mon" I huffed as I dragged them away from the bugs they were fawning over ignoring there complaints as we kept walking.

We needed to keep heading toward the countryside but ever since Y/N got sick I've had to make us take detours for medicine, extra food, non-expired cough medicine to try and give them some relief, and looking extra for warm sleeping spots that weren't a walker nest.

It was just a cold I knew it was, I tried my best to keep them from worrying about turning.

They'd be okay once we reached Grandpa's.

I had been avoiding eating for a while I know it's dumb but they needed the food the more they ate the quicker they'd recover.

I wish I paid attention to Moms cooking more she always knew the best food to eat while sick, I had snatched a cookbook from a while back but it'd be no use with what we have.

Y/N had been a trooper throughout this all I honestly didn't know what to say we've been out here two months now and they've been going on strong.

I know they terrified though so am I but we have to keep moving.

"Are we there yet?"

"Y/n please don't start!—"

"I was quiet for five minutes like you said!"

I could just feel that cheeky grin on your face as we walked along the railroad not like any trains would be coming threw anytime soon.

It's been fifteen minutes of 'are we there yet' and I've considered turning into a walker.

We finally reached the next town that I figured out on the map, It was empty like the rest but on the next step closer to the country I saw a medicine store and grocery store and headed for them Y/n in tow.

"Do you think they have candy?! Can we get some please?"

Y/n whined as we entered the grocery store luckily still remembering to keep there voice down as I huffed.

"Look if the candy looks..alright we can get one box okay? But we need the space for food.." I whispered as I scanned the small shop's isles zoning in on packaged and canned food.

Dropping our rather light bag to the side to fill up checking the dates as I either tossed them in or tossed them aside.

Y/n went to the small section of the candy isle before coming back with a box for me to examine.

"Look it's those chewy ones mom gets!"

"Mm.. They look fine throw them in your bag.. I think we've got enough for the week now.."

I frowned slightly as I zipped up the bag hoisting it back on me it was certainly heavier but it'd be worth it.

Y/n carried their own bag but it was just medicine and there plushie I insisted I could carry them both but they wouldn't budge or let go.

I wish I was more vigilant we had moved on to the pharmacy Y/n was deciding which flavor medicine they wanted which honestly since it was warm liquid cough medicine it wouldn't taste good regardless.

Then the door opened again.

Now we both hid behind the cashier counter I gripped the handgun our parents gave me like our lives depended on it which it did.

Y/n huddled close to me keeping quiet despite their trembling.

I've never shot really anyone with the gun walkers or people.

People were iffy during these times.

We just avoided them even if it meant on missing out on shelter or food were not idiots.

The person stepped behind the counter and we pushed ourselves further under the counter basically squeezing each other to be smaller in the cramped space.

"I know you there no point n' hiding just come out and show yourself."

He sounded older his voice rough from either age or cigs nearly as familiar as Grandpa he'd just used to go on about not wasting your lungs on the things in that gravelly voice of his.

But this wasn't Grandpa of course.

A quick look at Y/n who was on the verge of sobbing.

I flicked the handguns safety off as I stepped out aiming it at the much larger man now that I had a better look at him.

He had backed up a bit when he caught sight of the handgun despite the obvious lack of experience I was probably showing.

Sweaty palms and trembling hands.

He looked older of course not so old that I could just rush him and hope one of his aging body parts acted up, He was clearly a bit more prepared than us his gear looked professional.

Military.

Not like the two school book bags that used to hold both of our homework that were slowly getting holes in them now carrying the only possessions you both had left in the world besides each other.

"Look mate- I don't mean you any—"

"Shut up."

My voice cracked as I inwardly cringed at the attempt to sound tough gripping the gun tighter.

"..I don't mean any harm okay?.."

The man shifted as he looked at me or mainly my gun I guess mentally deciding if I was bluffing with blanks or actually knew how to shoot.

Y/n was still huddled under the counter hidden.

"..Were your parents at? Seem a bit too young to be out here on your own."

I just glared further.

"..Go away."

"Kid..I-"

"Leave or I'll fuckin' s-shoot you-"

My hands trembled as I straighten his posture.

He just nodded as he left hands still up in the air in an unconvincing attempt to fool me that he wasn't a threat.

As soon as he left and didn't try to sneak back into the store I grabbed our bags hastily sacrificing some food so we wouldn't be slowed down making sure to snatch some medicine reminded by Y/n's coughing and now sobbing fit.

Picking them up despite them not being that smaller than me as we both left the area with haste.

We have to reach the countryside.

I want to go back to getting in extra sleep for summer break and staying up late at night with Y/n, Mom, And Dad watching shitty horror film and eating ice cream.

But now the summer heat was unbearable at time the too cool nights just made me worry for Y/n's cold.

I just want to go home and be a kid.

Why do I already feel so old?.

a/n: yeahh yup didnt plan this one out..

#call of duty #kyle garrick #kyle gaz garrick #child reader #gender nuetral reader #reader #zombie apocalypse au #apocolypse #fanfic #platonic #familial love #siblings #john price #john soap mactavish #simon ghost riley #gaz garrick #yeahh #doomed siblings? nah totally not(srs)

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nimata-beroya · 4 months

Text

20 Questions For Writers

This was sitting on my notifs for a few days and i finally took the time to do it. Thank my darling @takadasaiko for the tag!! 💕💕

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

I have 88 works in total, 31 of which are for Star Wars.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

574,873 words.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently, I'm only writing for Star Wars. But I used to write for Arrow and Supergirl, and ASoIAF, Dark-Hunters and Chronicles of Nick are in standby. I'm waiting for right motivation to come back to any of the last 3.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

I'm only talking about Star Wars fics here...

Kadala (The Mandalorian) [and 4th place in most kudos of all my works]

Rough Awakening (The Bad Batch) [and 5th place in most kudos of all my works]

Welcome to Yavin IV (Rebels)

An Explosive Situation (Rebels)

Rescue on Ryloth (The Bad Batch)

And the the rest of my all-time fics with most kudos are

Take Your Breath Away (Arrow)

Undisclosed Desires (Arrow)

Made For You (ASoIaF/Game of Thrones)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try my best, but sometimes I forget, and then it's been weeks and months since I got the comments that I'm embarrassed to reply them after so long. Even though, I think it's important that a writer let the reader/commenter that they appreciate it, even if it's with a simple "thank you" or an emoji. I know I'm being a hypocrite here since I fail to do what I preach, but it doesn't make it less true.

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I think that would be Drifting, because it's kind of open ending, left to be interpreted, so it could end however the reader wants. Although, I left an author's note at the end saying what's my preferred ending, which always will be inclined to the happy side.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

High Above the Ground because is the happy ending i want for Commander Fox and Riyo Chuchi. They deserve only the best!

8. Do you get hate on your fic?

No, not really. I've gotten only 1 stupid message of someone criticizing a fic, but that was years ago when I still posted on FF dot net. The joke was on the reader because I moderated all the comments there so I just deleted it and nobody saw it but me. Honestly, I just laughed about it cuz their argument was just stupid.

9. Do you write smut?

I do, all kinds -from the most tame thing to the most perverted. But I used to wrote way more in my old fandoms, especially for Arrow. I think for Star Wars I've written just 1 or 2 smutty fics, and tamed at that.

10. Do you write crossovers?

I've tried a couple of occasions but never finished them. I'm not opposed to them obviously, but I do think the combination of fandoms has to be just right to work. Or at least, when it's me doing the writing.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yes! Many, many years ago in the first fandom I ever wrote for. It was awful and hated it! You see, this was in the stone age of the internet when fandom specific sites abounded and not everyone had an account on FFnet yet (and Ao3 was not even a dream). The site I published on was split in 2 sections because the ships war in the fandom was bloody and ruthless, so to avoid the slaughter, I kept myself in my preferred side. But one day, a friend who read fic on both sides told me that someone stole my fics. Avoiding to get caught, the person who did it published them under a pen name that was almost exact to mine, she only added a period at the end, which could easily go unnoticed. Oh, and she interchanged characters names so it'd fit the other ship.

At first, my friend thought I had posted them but she knew I'd never write for that ship, like ever. In the end, it turned out that I wasn't the only one who had being plagiarized. Several people ON BOTH SIDES were. Thankfully, the person was caught and banned, but we almost burned the site down because of the whole shitshow.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

By me, yes, several. All into Spanish (my mother tongue). By others, not that I know of.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

Yes! A couple of times for different fandoms, and I loved it. I hope I'll do it again. The thing is that you need to find the right partner for it, or it can be a nightmare.

14. What‘s your all-time favourite ship?

I don't appreciate this question, let me tell you. It's hard to choose. But I think I have to go with Olicity. I love them still (even if the show ending ruined it for me). Close second would be Braime (and I'm glad that there's still hope for them on the books, because as usual the show fucked them so but sooooo bad)

And as Star Wars specific, I don't think anyone will be surprised if I say it's Kalluzeb, right 🤣 They're my babies and I adore them!

15. What’s the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Anything for Arrow or Supergirl. I sworn off those fandoms after their respectively awful endings.

No promises, but there's still hope for all if my unfinished works for Star Wars 😅

16. What’s your writing strengths?

Coming up with ideas. So, so many ideas. All the time and I want to write them all.

17. What’s your writing weaknesses?

Finishing writing the above-mentioned ideas. I tend to splay myself too much when I'm writing, and it takes me forever to get to the portion I really want to write (usually the idea that sparked the whole writing process) and I lose steam. That's why I have so many unfinished WIPs. I wish they'd write themselves.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

It's ok if used sparingly. A word here, a phrase over there is fine, but if a wall of dialogue that the reader needs to scroll down to the notes or click on a tooltip to find out the meaning it's the worst!!! A better solution for a writer that really needs/wants to have a whole conversation in another language for plot reasons or whatever, then all they need to do is to say once that the characters are talking in the other language and put the dialogue in the same language they've been writing the rest of the narrative and in italic.

The characters who don't speak the language won't understand what's being said, but the reader will and their reading will be more pleasant and fluid.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

An Argentinian show called Floricienta. A modern retelling of Cinderella.

20. Favourite fic you’ve ever written?

I don't like this question either! All my fics are my babies! How do you want me to choose?!! There are so many I'm proud of. I guess I'll point the most recent one: Feed Me Poison, Fill me till I Drown I really like how this story is coming along. It's not done yet (what else is new? 😅) but what's coming is so so good!

Tagging (no pressure): @renee561 @thecoffeelorian @genericficerblog @airlockfailure @mistr3ssquickly @insertmeaningfulusername @fanfictasia

#20 asks for writers #ask game #the mandalorian #the bad batch #sw rebels #kalluzeb #braime #foxiyo #mare writes star wars #and other things #olicity #long post

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0prettygirl-jay0 · 5 months

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~•little stalker•~ dabi x reader

—————————————————————————

context~ your dabi’s little stalker, and one night on your usual following him around…he catches you.

•warnings• delulu reader, stalking, obsession, blood, dabi is five years older then reader, cutting is kinda mentioned.

•reader is kinda like toga but her quirk is blood manipulation (means she can use blood to make a weapon or anything.)

•highly recommend listening to: the red means i love you by madds buckly. ;)

—————————————————————————

four months ago, i walked past a dark alleyway on the way home from work, blue flames lit up my eyes and blue light lit up the alleyway. my ears heard the screams of two men, begging and pleading for their life as they burned alive in the beautiful flames. i stood there expressionless, looking at the culprit, with black hair, blue eyes, and purple scars. who was smirking back at me with a raised brow. the smell of blood filled my nostrils, along with the smell of burning flesh, my eyes turning red. i ran and ran until my legs gave out, chest heaving from fear of my quirk and exhaustion.

for four months i kept seeing the black haired villain, whether it be by accident or on purpose. he intrigued me, the way his flames gave me that thrill, just like the way the blood trickled down my thighs, down my arms….that was a once in a lifetime feeling, the feeling of satisfaction or thrill or something else, not like i can describe it.

info ive found so far on mr. hot villian. i smiled as i look down at the notepad, going over every ounce of information ive gotten over the past four months. not a lot…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

•name: dabi

•height: 5’9

•age: 23

• purple scars that surrounded half of his body due to the heat of his quirk. name: blueflames.

•has hidden anger towards the now number one hero, endeavor. i have to admit their eyes have a similarity…

•dabi allies with the league of villains, but even then…he doesn’t seem to fit in.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

looking back up and at the southside view of musutafu, wearing all black for my usual stalk my man who doesn’t know he’s my man. i sat and huffed out of boredom on the edge of the roof building with my legs dangling and kicking back and fourth was where i spent my friday night, in the ghetto, across from me, the base of the league of villians where dabi had entered a few hours ago. leaving me to my thoughts and the cold night breeze of musutafu.

“unusual..” my cold breath hit the night air as i softly breathed out. ive never understood human society, they split the world in halves..heros and villains..what makes a hero? and what makes a villain? what right do people have to split the world by hero quirks and villainous quirks. what right do they have to judge? all my childhood, people had judge me, my life, my choices. my father told me the reason he left on my seventh birthday was because he couldnt handle living under the same roof as a monstrosity that killed his wife, my mother…he told me during childbirth i had stripped my mother clean, every last drop of blood was sucked dry. a monster is what “my family” called me, for good reason…what kind of child kills her mother, their creator.

“they say, strange fascination and..infatuation….a lunatic.” my hands rubbed down my face as i mumbled into my hands. all my life, due to my quirk i was pushed aside by society and looked down too…blood manipulation..the sound my vocal cords being produce makes sound waves which allows blood to flow and move at my command, thats as far as i know. ive always had this craving for his blood…for people’s blood.

“tell me whats suits your taste?…i just wanna taste.” i softly said as black hair and blue eyes filled my vision from afar walking out of the bar and onto the quiet dark street…finally. dabi’s steps were quick in pace with a blonde school girl trailing behind him. i hated her and that stupid annoying voice… not like im jealous of her, our quirks are almost alike but we’re definitely polar opposites. the cold breeze surrounded my body again as i started walking along the building ledges right along side the two. the thoughts of red liquid filled my mind. shit. i lost them.

“ouuu dabi! she’s pretty, can we keep her?! she’ll be my new little toy, and sucked dry!” toga’s squealing was heard from behind me. how the fuck did they get here so fast? my hair blew in the wind as i turned my head to look over my shoulder and my hood blew off.

“who do you work for? why have you been following me?�� dabi’s calm voice was heard speaking now as i turned around fully. shit, he looks even finer in person…my daydreams came to an end as i saw blonde buns come into my view, i also felt the knife that went straight into my stomach. twisting slightly to the left and right, my face scrunched up a bit…finally. my blood drips from my bare waist down to my hips and into a puddle of blood, down at my feet and with a smile i looked up to stare at toga who yanked the knife back and took a few steps back.

“and ive always heard its whats inside that counts…” the two looked at me in shock as i walked towards toga, while blood continued pour out on the floor. bubbles rose to the top as if heating up.

“cause my insides are red, and yours are too, and the red on my face is matching you.” the blood formed behind me as i shaped it to be a knife similar to toga’s, a wound appeared on her cheek and arm, walking past dabi who stood silently with a smirk, my hips swayed and blood spikes impaled toga, her blood drip down on the floor as she heaved and tried to hold her body up to continue fighting.

“fuck….goodness your bleeding…what a wonderful feeling, your down and your pleading, my head is just reeling.” my eyes admired the blonde being struck with fear and covered in blood.

“your so pretty…covered in your own blood..” my soft voice spoke in the cold air, my red eyes looking down at the teenage girk, looking back at dabi who stood behind me with a hand around my throat.

“think you can handle me, doll?” his ego filled his words with venom, his hooded blue eyes staring at me and a smirk on his stupid, handsome face.

“the red means i love you, tasting your blood means i love you…”i whispered as my hips swayed side to side and i started walking the both of us backward, backing dabi into the roof wall. red blood spikes pinned dabi’s arms to the wall concrete of the roof. my red eyes looked up at dabi’s scrunched up face that tried to hide the pain he was feeling. my hands gripped the back of his nape to look down at me.

“dont follow me dabi..” i hopped off the roof ledge and went running into the darkness of musutafu.

—————————————————————————

part two????🤷‍♀️ sorry if its ass, im so high rn.

#mha dabi #dabi x reader #touya x reader #touya todoroki #my hero academia #mha fanfiction #bnha fanfiction #dabi #bnha dabi #dabi smut #dabi todoroki #bnha touya #mha touya #mha smut #mha x reader #todoroki touya

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empresskadia · 2 months

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I think the most powerful gifts you can give a Spartan is one that reminds them of you for when you're aren't there. Sometimes they're off doing missions, and you're separated, and they really miss you. Having that little reminder always makes it better.

Like, say, for Naomi, her partner has an Ace of Spades playing card on the pauldron of their armor like their uncle did back when the Human-Covenant War began. Luck was important to him, so it was important to you. Naomi was just as important to you, so when you couldn't always be together on the same ship, you gave her two things: A copy of the card on your shoulder and a magic eight ball to keep in her room. You may or may not have replaced the die inside with things you would say, so it was like you were there in spirit when you couldn't be there in person.

Not when you're getting scouted for some big secret project led by a guy whose name you forget but a number that reminded you of hers.

096?

First, I got chills reading this! Second, I gasped so loudly my dog came to check on me to make sure I was okay. Third, I was like ‘fuckin Musa! Naomi’s gonna murder you.’ Like I didn’t know how the Spartan IV program started. I lowkey went feral for this ask, you’re spoiling me and I adore it.

I love this so very much and this is canon in my head now. How cute is this!!! Spartans don’t have personal things but the item their partner gives them becomes their prized possession and they would break bones if someone tries to take it.

Like for Linda, she has pressed flowers that you gave her and kept on her dog tags at all times, when she’s thinking about her partner or missing you, she grasps the chain and feels a little closer to you. Or a small charm on Nornfang that you made for her that Linda never takes off. Whenever she takes down targets and sees the charm, she thinks to herself that she can’t wait to hear about the mission you’ve been sent on or just to see you in general.

There is a ring that your grandmother passed down that you always wear on your pointer finger and end up giving to Kelly because it fits on her pinkie/places it on her chain because you wouldn’t see her for a few months. When Kelly’s thinking about her partner/missing you, she subconsciously spins the ring, and later, ends up seeing her name/spartan tag engraved inside the band. Or give her one of your earrings that your father gave you, so she had half of something that was super important to you and feels very protective of the jewelry because she knows you adored your father.

For John, it’s the exchanged dog tags, one is his and the other is yours. Sometimes he takes it off and runs his finger across your name and service number, he doesn’t realize that his expression softens just a bit but Cortana and Blue team know he’s thinking about you.

Everyone on Blue team knows that Fred has a favorite combat knife that you gave him and if something happens to it, he is going to kill someone, and no, it’s not an exaggeration. Kelly witnessed him panic about losing it once and horde of brutes didn’t even have a chance to blink before they were dead. There are personalized words written on the inside of the knife from you and it will be over his dead body before someone tries to take it or use it.

But also! Luck is important to Naomi because it reminds her of John too and we see how worried she is for Chief in the books, this is very important to her! So you give her the card and tell her about it, she’s putting that on her armor in the same spot that you have it in. It makes her feel closer to her partner and her eyes soften anytime she glimpses it from the corner of her vision. Especially once she gets recruited for Kilo-Five and you get sent on a secret ‘mission’ that she can’t know about. Naomi knows there is something you’re not telling her but she won’t push because it’s classified, which kind of worries her.

When Serin tells her about the whole Halsey thing or finds out about her dad, she shakes the eight ball wishing you were there to talk with but quietly laughs to herself when she reads the message because it’s 100% something you would say. Naomi constantly starts asking BB if there were any messages sent to her, getting antsy when he tells her no every time to the point BB shares this with the captain.

Eventually, Naomi asks Serin if she could find any information about you, giving her your full name, service name, rank, and all the important things to find your file. If anyone could get into classified mission files, it would be BB and Serin.

It's BB saying, "Oh that's rather somber to find out." that has Naomi wanting to panic. Did something happen? Was her partner hurt? Were you hospitalized? Did you get killed? She knew she should've upgraded your armor with those last bits of data, what was she thinking?! Naomi's thoughts are spirling but nothing prepared her for what your file read,

'SPARTAN-IV Lieutenant - pending transfer to REDACTED'

'Augmentation Procedure - Successful'

'AI Partner - Pending Compatibility with REDACTED'

'Stationed - UNSC REDACTED'

'Notes - Expand'

"What does it mean by Spartan-IV?" Naomi had to ask, she had to know because all she recalled was her own augmentation, the pain, the recovery, the loss of her sisters and brothers in arms, something that she might've just lost her partner to.

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rosekasa · 22 days

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HELLO PERSON WHO DEFINITELY DIDNT REBLOG THAT ASK GAME JUST BECAUSE I WANTED TO ASK QUESTIONS HAHAHA NO DEFINITELY THAT WAS NOT ABOUT ME

💖 Which of your fics is your pride and joy? (is this like asking you which is your favorite child)

🎭What genre of writing comes easiest to you? (hee hee it doesnt just have to be about fanfiction either !!)

🙌What's a line or paragraph of yours that you're proud of? (your writing is so beautiful if someone else already asked you this PLEASE still answer it again with another line or paragraph 🥺 I'm begging)

🍎What's something you learned while researching for a fic? (I KNOW you look up and learn lots of things while writing)

⏳If you could go back in time and tell your younger writer self something, what would it be? (🥺🥺 you always have such insight)

HI PERSON I DEFINITELY DIDNT REBLOG THIS FOR I LOVE YOU AHDJSJS

💖 Which of your fics is your pride and joy?

like poles of a magnet for SURE. i adore that fic. im not really sure why im so attached to it but it's really my baby. i love it so much

🎭What genre of writing comes easiest to you?

oh youre gonna think im so lame. it's essay writing. ahdjsjdkaksk. i think i told you before but i write book reviews for every book i read and my writing feels so Natural then because it's like. every line has a purpose to prove my point about the book. whenever im feeling rusty with narrative writing i find myself telling myself 'okay pretend this is an essay and this whole story is trying to prove your thesis about the characters' ahdjsj

🙌What's a line or paragraph of yours that you're proud of?

bren 🥹 ily. my hanahaki wip is really fun and i feel like has a lot of good writing because it really demands a lot of descriptiveness. i have this section when adrien sees gabriel for the first time in a while that i kept scrolling up and rereading

He knows, logically, that this is his father. You can't forget a face like that, the face you searched for in vain at every fencing tournament, piano recital, fashion gala that you knew full well he hadn’t attended but you were tired and wanted an adult to hold your hand and guide you around the crowds.

It is that face. But a mimicry of it, like a portrait with the wrong proportions.

He’s gaunt — it’s the first word that comes to mind. His eyes sit deep in their sockets beneath his glasses, jaw a sharp trapezoid attached to his cheeks. It’s not just a matter of losing weight over the months — which, even if it was, would be a surprising deviation from the seventy-five kilos he had not shifted a decimal of a gram from in thirty years. It’s everything else, the biology hidden behind the layers of perfectly-tailored clothing, and well-combed hair, and skin, although pristine, textured like paper over the canvas of his skull.

🍎What's something you learned while researching for a fic?

did i ever tell you about how when i went to paris last year i literally knew where everything was by arrondissements because ive searched them up so many times for ml fics. i think it was even specifically rue lepic that i remember the most because i once wrote about ladynoir patrolling around there and it turned out to be the road right next to my hotel (yes, we got a hotel in pigalle, my paris knowledge did not supply me with what exactly pigalle is known for,)

⏳If you could go back in time and tell your younger writer self something, what would it be?

literally not to lose that unwarranted confidence i had. at age eleven i was pounding out 50k+ word multichapter fics for my first fandom and like. the plots are so questionable. but when i reread them now im genuinely impressed at the quality of writing i had at that age. i think as i hit 13/14 i went through that phase where i was like ohhh my god i was sooo embarrassing when i was a kid and that insecurity really hindered my writing progress! i think creativity needs you to be unapologetic and cringe. that's when the best stuff is made because it's Real

i love you bren!!!

#ask

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poetrylesbian · 6 months

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not to be a bummer but i need to rant about this to someone and what better someone than this blog

i am very sad lately and it is mostly because my grandpa is not well and i don't know how long he has left. a year ago i was living with him and he was pretty good, occasionally forgetful sometimes but ultimately himself. but i haven't seen him in a month or two and now ive found out he's had a lot of problems and was actually keeping it from everyone.

backstory is that this is my paternal grandfather and even though my parents got divorced 20 years ago he's always stayed close with my mum, and ever since dad moved overseas my mum has insisted on being very present in his life even more because she's lowkey pissed that dad went and moved overseas when he had sick elderly parents. which was driven home 5 years ago when my granny died. so basically my parents do not get on and barely interact now that their kids are adults but my dad's entire family still gets on with and cares about my mum and vice versa.

so yeah. a month ago my mum visited my grandpa to pick up something of mine from him place bc i was in melbourne and she was worried because he seemed to be thinner and less himself. usually he always invites her in for coffee but he didn't. it was weird.

she texted my dad (even though she hates to lol) and dad asked my grandpa and basically we found out he'd spent some time in hospital and told NOBODY, not even his son who still lives in brisbane, and gotten a pacemaker put in.

basically fast forward to now and he has been in hospital since sunday. my mum was having trouble finding out what happened bc she's obvs not the next of kin and my uncle, who is, is not a great communicator (just like most of the men in this fucking family lol) and was not super clear.

basically, he's had a few falls. the most recent one I think he fell over and hit his head. and it must have been very bad, because he is not well at all. mum and my brother and i went and visited him two days ago and it was like he had dementia. he kept thinking he was back in england. at this point we didn't know why he'd gone to hospital in the first place so we asked him and he said he got a taxi to the airport and took a plane. he asked us about our flight because he thought we had flown to england to visit him. he was worried about losing his permanent residency in australia. he also kept forgetting my granny, his wife, had died five years ago. it was horrible. he said he'd called my dad and he hadn't picked up, then he said he'd called her and she hadn't picked up. at one point when i went to find my brother who had just arrived, apparently my mum asked him if he remembered what had happened to granny and he got upset and said he didn't, and cried. i dont think any of us have ever seen him cry. my mum explained what happened and he thanked her for telling him, because his oldest son (my dad, mum's ex, we don't think he remembered his name) wouldn't have told him that. then ten minutes later he'd forgotten and mentioned granny visiting again.

he also had to ask my brother all about his apprenticeship (poor tom came straight from his job at the quarry and was covered head to toe in dust from fixing a rock crusher) even though of course he should know all about it

he's also very very weak and not eating. when he left he kept trying to stand up to see is off but he couldn't get out of his chair and we had to ask him to stop trying in case he fell again.

but he did have his sense of humour. he was making jokes. there were moments of lucidity. but mostly he was confused and it just made me feel so helpless.

i know things like this are normal when people get older. he's 82. i get it. but it's not something that happened gradually - last time i saw him was only couple of months ago and this is so bad, so suddenly. it's not dementia.

and i feel awful. he's been living alone for the last five years, after spending 7 years caring for my granny 24/7. i am certain he was depressed but he'd never tell anyone. i can't stop thinking about all the times i told him id visit on the weekend and i fucking forgot because im so fucking forgetful. i cant stop thinking about how in 2019 he and my uncle and aunt were planning to rent a house with a granny flat or whatever for him and then covid happened and they basically used that as an excuse not to. and they left him alone, even when he'd had falls, even when he had to wear one of those emergency things around his neck that could detect when he fell and he had to fucking email my uncle every day after he showered to tell him he was alright.

anyway that's my rant.

i stayed in his house for 2 months last year and it was nice but i wanted to be closer to uni and my friends so i moved out when i should have just stayed and payed him rent and helped him and kept him company. and i should have visited way more often after i moved out in december and not fucking let my stupid stress get in the way of making him a priority.

oh also now my mum is telling me i need to beg my dad to visit earlier (he's supposed to be here dec 27) but i don't know! i tried to tell him how bad it was. but i don't know if he really got it.

#this can be summed up by my grandpa is not well and i am sad and guilty about it

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