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mountainsandmayhem · 2 months

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Wings. Fire. Magic. Part Three

Joel Miller x Female Reader - AU

Masterlist || Part One || Part Two

Summary: After being stripped of your wings by The King, you see a new side of Joel, maybe a side that you might like a little too much. CW: I don't think any warnings are needed for this chapter, and I don't want to give any spoilers. 18+ due to talks of female pleasure. AN: Thank you @mermaidgirl30 for listening to me blab about this story, and being the first to encourage me writing it! So glad I slid into your DM's lol. Dragon graphics by @saradika-graphics WC: 4.1k

The sound of heavy footfalls stirs you from your sleep. It takes a few minutes for you to come too, groaning in pain as you try to get your bearings. Your body is being jolted around and when you crack an eyelid there’s nothing but a leather covered mass in front of you. You blink slowly a few times and see your arms dangling below you, possibly above you.

Fuck, where I am?

After a few more breaths you realize you’re upside down, stomach folded over on a broad shoulder. You close your eyes and focus on the rest of your body. You can feel fur on your skin, and it comes flooding back.

The guards stripping off your clothes, The Sorcerer and his mist. Fuck, if you’re not dead then that means…breeding camp.

You squeeze your fists tightly and begin pounding on the back of whoever is carrying you. “LET ME GO!” you yell as he starts ascending a winding stone staircase.

When you reach the top, the man slides you off his shoulder and places you gently on your feet. Joel. His eyes look into yours gently as he adjusts the furs over your shoulders, tightening it around you to block out the cold night air.

Four guards come up the stairs behind you. The biggest one says, “you have five days, Miller. Otherwise, we’ll come for you.”

Rem lands with a soft thump between you and the guards, letting out a menacing growling. Everything seems foggy and unclear, pain in your head pounds relentlessly behind your eyes. The last thing you remember was being placed on a table.

How are you going with Joel?

What’s happening?

You feel light headed and start to fall to the ground. Everything feels weak. Joel catches you before you fall and hoists you up to sit sideways in the saddle. Your clothes are gone, just furs to keep you covered. Joel doesn’t say anything to the guards who are now cowering in fear. The long spikes that line the neck and back of Remmer’s head are standing straight up, growling and huffing smoke at them as she waits for Joel.

“Easy girl,” he says as he grabs the reins. With a small tug she stands up tall, stretching her massive wingspan before taking flight. Joel adjusts to control Remmer with one hand, wrapping the other arm around you and pulling you into his body. Your cheek lands on his collarbone and you relax into his pine and fresh grass scent.

His lips brush the top of your head as he whispers, “Rest. I’ll explain everything when we’re back.”

“Back?” You croak. Your mouth is bone dry, how long have you been out for?

“Just trust me.”

The pain behind your eyes waves again, reminding you that this is his doing. Trust him? Not a fucking chance. You were stripped naked and poked at all because of him. You feel your wrist, no magic cuff. You lean deeper against Joel. You’re going to miss the way his eyes roam over your face, no one looks at you like that, but you can’t stay with him. You have to play it cool, make him think you’re relaxing and then make your escape. Rem won’t hurt you, she might try to chase you but you’ll fly as fast as you can, you’ll swoop into the thick forest and use the trees for cover, she’s too big to follow you in there.

Don’t move your wings, you tell yourself.

“Joel?” You saw sweetly, looking up at him through your lashes.

He grunts in acknowledgment, eyes fixed on the night sky. God he looks beautiful in the moonlight.

“Can you move back for one second? I need to readjust.”

Joel shuffles back, loosening his grip on your side. This is your chance, you slide off the saddle quickly, free falling to the ground. When Remmer and Joel are above you, you rip the blanket off and flex your back to open your wings.

Only your wings don’t open, and you’re plummeting to the ground completely naked. You start to flail your limbs, looking back to see two gaping and scarred holes that are glowing blue where your wings should be.

The ground is catching up to you quickly. Anger fills your chest. They took your wings. They took your wings. Your wings. Your magic. You’re essentially mortal now as you plunge to what will be your death.

You let out a rage filled scream, just as Joel maneuvers Remmer gracefully underneath you and you fall completely bare onto Joel’s lap.

“What the fuck did you do to me, Joel!!” You demand, punching against his chest with your fists.

Rem lands on the ground in the middle of a field of crops.

“I saved you.” Joel states.

“They mutilated me!” You’re practically screaming at him, spinning around to show him. His eyes turn sad as he takes you in.

“Saved me? No - you,“ it comes out thick with disgust, your finger pointing in his direction, “you let them mutilate me!”

Joel slides off his jacket and then removes his grey shirt. You’re mad, but you can’t stop yourself from taking in his naked upper half. He’s tanned and tattooed, markings of those who swear to protect the realm swirl down his arms. A large dragon across his abdomen and up the right side of his ribs. A tiny handprint over his heart. Before you can take in the rest he throws his jacket back on and holds his shirt out to you.

You cross your arms in defiance so he takes it upon himself to slip it over your head, the hem stopping a few inches down your thighs. Your back hurts as you push your arms through the holes, you aren’t sure how you hadn’t noticed the searing pain before.

“They wanted to wake you, and torture you while they stole your wings.” He says, zipping his jacket back up with his thick, strong fingers.

“You should have let them,” you say, fighting the tears that are building behind your eyes.

“You’d rather be tortured and killed than be near me? I saved you, I told them I’d take you as my slave.” His voice is broken and pleading and it just makes you hate him more.

“Go fuck yourself.” You turn and start walking through the crops. Pushing thick stalks out of your way, not caring as they scratch at your entire body.

“Stop. I don’t intend to actually make you my slave.”

“Oh jeez thank you so much,” you snap over your shoulder. “Let me gather the masses and throw you a goddamn parade.”

“Stop,” Joel is right on your heels, “I’m not - I’m not explaining this properly.”

You continue walking, someone owns this farm. You’ll find the house and they’ll give you clothes and tell you where you are. You’re no longer in danger now that Joel has sacrificed your wings and magic to The King. Anger, confusion, sadness, it all swirls through your body. You don’t know how to feel, but you do know that you DO NOT want to be around Joel “I saved you” Miller.

“Stop!” Joel grabs your arm and turns you towards him.

You glare up at him, wishing that looks could kill because he would cease to exist with the rage that twists in your face right now.

“The King wanted to take your wings after The Sorcerer said you wouldn’t be able to breed.” Your hands come to subconsciously rest on your lower belly. Having children was never something you wanted. But you knowing that you can’t is just another knife to the back.

“So I…” he pauses and runs his hand down his face, rubbing the hair that speckles his jaw.

“You what?” You demand.

“I offered The King dragons,” he whispers.

Your jaw drops. “You what?” You say softly.

“I offered him three eggs, we settled on five.” His eyes are locked on yours, the moonlight reflecting on the warm brown flecks within them.

“Five? Joel, I was alive the last time a king had dragons,” you shake your head and look up at the clear night sky. You remember the fire, the destruction. “This isn’t going to go well.”

He steps towards you, “I have a plan, but you need to come with me. And…” he trails off, his eyes looking down at his boots.

“And what?” you ask, even though you’re sure whatever he’s about to say is going to piss you off.

“If, or when, we get a visit from The King or his guards, you need to pretend that you are my slave.” He can’t bring himself to look at you. First, he ignored your warning about The King, then he watched helplessly as The Sorcerer took your wings. You jumped from a fucking dragon to get away from him.

“And my wings?” you scoff.

“When he gets his five eggs, you get your wings back.”

The next afternoon, Remmer lands down in front of a sleepy log cabin before flying off to the heavily wooded area behind the house. The same wooded area that you snuck into just days ago to steal that fiery orange egg. Joel wanders up the stairs to the front door, opens it and then gestures with one hand for you to go inside.

The front door leads to a warm and cozy open concept living and kitchen area. Joel immediately heads to the large fireplace and lights a fire. You stand in the doorway, still in just his t-shirt, with your hands clasped in front of you. You rock on the balls of your feet and look around.

A large brown worn leather sofa sits in the middle, flanked by two cozy chairs of the same beaten down leather. The coffee table has a few books scattered on it. Large windows let in lots of natural lighting, and as the sunsets it highlights everything in a warm amber glow. The kitchen has an island in the middle, surrounded by tall wooden chairs. Cast iron pots and pans hang from the ceiling above it. Along the back wall is a large gas stove with plenty of cupboards and counter space. A deep copper sink sits underneath another large window. Everything is hues of deep greens and browns. It’s cozy and homey. It’s Joel.

“Bedrooms and bathrooms are that way.” He says, pointing to the long hallway to your left before holding his large palms out to the heat of the fire. “You can come in…”

You pad across the hardwood floor in your bare feet and sit gently on the edge of one couch cushion. The books on the coffee table are all about dragons and their histories. You glance around for any pictures or signs of other life here but you don’t see any. Does Joel not have a wife? You’ve deduced that he’s probably in his forties, so one would think he was married or a father, but there’s no sign of other life here. Just him.

“Are you hungry?” he asks as he stands across the living from you.

You shake your head no, linking your fingers and placing them on your lap, you look down at your hands, pushing back one of your cuticles. It’s so quiet here, only the crackling of the fire to fill the quiet gaps between the minimal conversation of you and Joel.

“Thirsty?” He asks sheepishly, “I can make coffee or tea.”

You shake your head again, eyes focused on the cuticle of your thumb. What you want is to go home, your family needs you, or needed you at least. You guess you’re the same as them now that you have no magic and no wings, just the pointed ears of the Fae to show the world what you really are.

Joel walks over and sits on the armchair closest to you, it groans beneath his weight, his leathers squeaking slightly against the lived-in leather of the chair. His expression is soft and kind, he takes a shaky breath before saying, “I really am sorry. But I’m going to do everything to get your wings back.”

You glance up at him, “you can’t give him dragons, Joel. You can’t.”

“Just trust me.” He says it in the same pleading tone he did before you took your insane death fall to the ground.

You shrug and then turn your eyes back to your hands, focusing on another cuticle. Joel stands and wanders down the hallway. You hear water running and then him moving around the rooms, opening and closing what you assume are closets and drawers. The water stops and Joel walks back out to you, holding out a hand.

You grab it tentatively and he leads you down the hall. He’s changed into loose black cotton pants and a fitted white t-shirt. He pulls you into the bathroom, soapy bubbles that smell like lavender and sea salt foam over the tub.

“There’s a towel there,” he says, pointing to a small stool by the end of the tub, “and some clothes. They’re mine, I’ll get you something better tomorrow.”

He turns and leaves, the door clicking softly behind him. As you lift your arms up to remove the shirt, the glowing scars on your back send sharp hot pain throughout your back and down your arms. You let out a gasp of pain, clamping your arms back to your side and you contemplate how you’re going to get out of this shirt. You glance down and thank your lucky stars that the shirt has a few buttons from the neck to the chest. Your fingers work to undo the buttons before you slip the shirt over your shoulders and down your body, then you slowly slide into the warmth of the tub that’s large enough for two. You close your eyes and breath in the calming aroma. Silence surrounds you, you can’t remember the last time you relaxed like this, where you didn’t have a laundry list of things to do and only you to do them. The salts in the bath start to dissolve, they feel like champagne bubbling along your sore muscles, relaxing them into pure bliss. You let out a content hum, sinking deeper into the hot water.

You feel like you’ve been soaking for hours when a small knock on the door catches your attention.

“Ya?” You say quietly.

Joel cracks the door, keeping himself on the other side, “are you doing ok?”

“Umm, ya.” Truthfully, you were doing ok but you know you won’t be able to lift your arms to wash your hair.

“Are you sure?” He asks through the little crack in the door.

“Umm, well….I can’t exactly,” you’ve never had to ask for help in your life, and you realize at this moment that it’s not because you didn’t want help, it’s because there was no one to ask. But now, well now you do have someone you could ask, so why can’t you find the words. “No, never mind. I’m fine.”

“Can I come in?” He asks. After you sink into the bath so only your head is visible you give a shy yes. Joel has seen you naked before, just yesterday in fact, but something about him seeing you like this feels more intimate and vulnerable.

A warm smile crosses his face, a little dimple that you haven’t noticed before dents his right cheek. “What’s wrong?”

“I can’t lift my arms…” you say defeatedly. “I can’t wash my hair.”

He stares at you for a second and reaches for the cup on the vanity and then grabs the little stool. Placing the fluffy white towel and the clothes he’s lent you on the counter.

“Spin around.” He groans a little as he bends down beside the tub to sit on the stool.

You do as he says, turning to face the wall and criss crossing your legs in front of you. Water sloshes around you and you hear some of it hit the tiled floor. You whisper a small sorry, suddenly feeling incredibly nervous.

“It's ok,” he says, voice cracking a little. He clears his throat, “Tilt your head back, sweetheart.”

Sweetheart. You dip your head back and close your eyes. It feels almost overwhelming to have someone care for you for once. Being in this gorgeous log cabin in a hot bath, the smell of the dinner he’s prepared wafts down the hallway and through the crack in the bathroom door. It smells like butter and garlic and some sort of red meat. Guilt swirls in your stomach. You haven’t been home in a week, your family might need you.

You hear the click of the shampoo bottle, it smells like rosemary and mint as Joel rubs it in his palms behind you. His strong fingers come to your hair line, the pressure of the small circles of the pads of his fingers are delectable. When he hits your temples a chill runs down your body, your nipples peak at the attention under the hot water. He works backwards slowly along your scalp, when he hits the nape of your neck your whole body feels like it’s buzzing. He gently nudges you so your head tucks into your chin and he kneads at the muscles of your neck. You adjust your legs so you’re hugging your knees. Squeezing your legs together to try to help relieve some of the ache that’s building in between your thighs.

Neither of you have spoken, but it’s a comfortable silence. Plus, you have a feeling that that is just how Joel is. Joel Miller is a doer and a giver, small acts like running you a bath or cooking a nice meal is how he shows that he cares.

After working the shampoo through your ends, he guides your head back, grabs the cup and rinses the suds off. The combination of the warm water and his hands parting your hair is unlike anything you could have imagined and you stifle a small moan in your throat. He repeats the process with the shampoo one more time before running the conditioner through your ends.

He stands and you look over your shoulder at him, “thank you, Joel.”

He digs through a drawer in the vanity and pulls out a comb. “You don’t need to thank me,” he sits back down, groaning again, and you can only imagine how ridiculous his broad form must look sitting on the tiny stool. It can’t be comfortable for him. He spins the end of the comb at you and you bite the inside of your cheek to stop yourself from smiling before turning back around.

After eating the dinner Joel made, you both sit on the couch watching the fire. Dinner was accompanied by another comfortable silence, both of you perched on the stools around the counter. He made fingerling potatoes with fresh herbs, roasted carrots drizzled with honey, and a steak that he basted in butter and garlic. Now you’re wrapped in a blanket, knees tucked up to your body.

“Can I ask you something?” he says quietly, swirling the ice around in his whiskey glass.

“Ya,” you pull the fur blanket around you tighter.

“Are you the only one with wings in your family?”

You hesitate for a second, “I was, now I’m…”

“I’m sorry,” he says, cutting you off, “I didn’t mean for that to come off as insensitive. I just feel like you have turned everything I’ve known about this world upside down.”

You shake your head and smile at the fire. “It’s ok, Joel. Over two thousand years ago, humans came into our villages. We worked together for a while, building this kingdom. Then one king managed to get his hands on a dragon, and the humans attacked us. Injecting us with that green magic in your chains and cutting off our wings to take the power for themselves.”

Joel places his empty whiskey glass on the table before he walks over to crouch in front of you. His hands come to rest on the cushion on each side of you. He makes eye contact, oranges and reds dancing around the room from the fire.

“This isn’t the history that we are taught. We are led to believe The King is good after what he’s done to fix the mistakes of that king thousands of years ago. We are also told that Fae turned on us and we fought hard against them.”

“Did you really believe that?” you scoff, “Fae back then had all sorts of magical powers. Some could have mortals like you evaporate into thin air if they wanted. Many had the ability to control minds. You never would have been able to win that war, unless we were tricked or attacked by surprise.”

You look at each other in silence for a while before you slide one hand out from the blanket and place it on his. Both of you look at your hand on top of his. He rotates his wrist and you immediately intertwine your fingers with this.

“Thank you for saving me, or trying to save me.” You say, eyes still fixed on your hands.

“Don’t thank me until we have your wings back and you’re with your family.”

You look up at him, “I’ve been the only one caring for them for over six hundred years.”

“I know. Please just let me help you.”

You slide your legs out from the blanket so Joel is kneeling on the floor between them. Your free hand pushes back a stray curl that’s landed by his temple. His eyes shut as he leans into your touch.

“Promise me that you’ll help my family.”

He releases your hand and pulls you to the edge of the couch by your waist, bodies flush against each other now. Your hand tangles into the curls at the back of his neck, the other resting on his broad shoulder.

“I swear I am going to fix this. I’m going to do whatever it takes to show you that you can trust me.”

You brush your nose against his and close your eyes breathing in his scent. Pine needles and freshly cut grass, now surrounded by the cedar of the fire and the log cabin.

“Please don’t hurt me,” you say in a breathy whisper.

“Never,” he hums. Your lips brush against his. He’s intoxicating. Just as you turn your head to let him kiss you a loud roar from the woods behind the house startles you, jolting you back on the cushion and out of his gravitational pull.

“Rem has impeccable timing,” he says, shaking his head. “I better go see what’s going on. Your room is just across from the bathroom. I’m sorry.”

“I want to come, too,” you say forcefully, standing and following him towards the kitchen.

“It’s safer if you stay. Rem likes you but, well - it’s just safer if you stay.”

Joel disappears into the pitch black of night and you decide to head to your room. A large wooden bed frame takes up most of the space, but you have a large closet and a chair that looks out a big picture window. It’s too dark to see anything now, but you know it faces the woods where Joel took off to.

The morning sun peaks its way through the big trees towards the back of the house. It streams through your windows and the dreams of Joel’s rough hands on your body fade as you blink awake.

You slipped into the plush white sheets completely naked last night, you can feel the wetness between your legs from your dream. You close your eyes and try to bring those images back. Your hands trail along your exposed skin, squeezing one breast hard, trying to imagine its Joel’s as you run a thumb across your hardening nipple.

It still feels a bit wrong to be so attracted to him, but his apology last night was so genuine, you have to lean in and trust him. He’s your only chance, your only infuriating handsome chance.

You continue playing with your nipple as your other hand trails down your stomach, tracing the slit of your pussy. Your clit throbs and more arousal wets your thighs.

You spread your legs and wish Joel was here to call you a good girl as he settled himself between your legs. With that thought your hand dives for your entrance, collecting your slick before rubbing tight, fast circles on your clit. The other hand moves to your other breast, pinching the nipple and rolling it between your fingers.

Fuck, you wish this was Joel.

Slipping your hand down, you easily slide two fingers inside of yourself, trying to reach that oh so sensitive spot that drives you wild. The other hand comes down to put pressure on your clit, turning your head into the fluffy pillows to muffle your little moans of pleasure.

That familiar burn starts to build, before you can stop it you whine Joel’s name as your body starts to shake. The wave of pleasure consumes your entire body and mind, images of him flashing behind your eyelids.

The inner walls of your pussy clench down on your fingers, when the pleasure starts to ease you slide them out, looking down to see the wetness that still connects them.

Fuck.

You roll onto your belly to catch your breath and hide your face. You aren’t embarrassed about indulging in your own pleasure, but you should not have thought about Joel Miller while doing it.

After convincing yourself that it was a one time thing and he’s out of your system now, you slip back into the clothes Joel gave you. Comfortable fleece lined grey pants and a zip up sweater with a hood and large front pocket of the same colour. You have no shoes so you slip out of the kitchen door and wander out over the cool morning grass in your bare feet.

You walk towards the woods where you know Rem will be. As you approach the clearing that you stole the egg from an eerie feeling washes over you. You take a few more steps before a large milky white dragon lands in front of you. You stumble backwards as its scales puff out around its neck. Its red eyes glow, it feels like they’re piercing into every fiber of your being. Its wings flare out, large talon-like spikes along each bend of the top ridge. Remmer is nowhere to be found. Joel’s door was closed so he must be sound asleep.

You stand, knees slightly bent, hands out in front of you. “It’s okay,” you say as camly as possible to the fierce beast.

It snarls, lips pulling back to expose long sharp teeth. Smoke starts to billow from its cheeks.

“Easy, it’s ok.” you’re trying to keep your voice calm but fear is eating at you from the inside out. Should you scream? Run? You thought you’d be coming out to Remmer, and she’d bounce over and let you pet her. This dragon is terrifying, the glassy white scales and ghastly red eyes. It’s not as big as Rem, but it still towers above you.

The dragon lets out a loud and angry growl that reverberates every bone in your body. Its spit hits your face, mouth open so wide that you can see the fire starting to form in the back of its throat.

Fuck, I’m dead.

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wheresmymilliondollarman · 1 year

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Hiii! I've discovered your account recently and you can definitely count me as one of your fans! Also I've never saw someone write for book bfs before so that's cool of you to do it ! I really don't know if you take requests but if u don't it's ok! but if you do can I have an Kenjix reader where she's a trained spy with no powers and Aaron send her on a mission with Kenji where she hates him at first but then she gets to know him and fall for him ? (Maybe w/o spoilers for books after ignite me)

how you get the girl

kenji kishimoto x fem!reader

you were never fond of the newest recruit, but after being assigned on a mission with him, your perspective might just change.

a/n: ty for the request!! been wanting to write for kenji, but struggled with a concept, so this is a great idea !! this is more an au thing, not based on a certain timeline in the series, so it should be spoiler free !! there also a hunger games reference in this bc i can't help myself. extra note: thank you for being so patient i had to go on n unexpected hiatus because i got sick then a bunch of stuff in my life is happening right now, so it was hard to write. but i have finally have time again somewhat and i want to get inspo to write <3

word count: 6.8k

warnings: really bad corny pick-up lines, kinda bad description of action LOL, mentions of injuries and blood, take a shot every time reader rolls her eyes

your home lied within the reestablishment for as long as you could remember. your father had stood behind the idea since it first became conceived.

before the reestablishment came along, your family lived in the trenches of poverty. living in a one-bedroom apartment in the unsafest part of the city. most lived the same since the world was slowly deteriorating — counties went hungry, climate change affected natural resources, and the grasp of government control slipped away. it seemed like the end of the world for some, but you were too young to say for sure.

your mother came down with an illness when you were around three. it was unsure of what it was, but it damaged her greatly and fatally. your father attempted to gather the money to see a doctor, pawning items, stealing money, and even asking the government for assistance, but it all became futile. your mother ended up passing a few months later.

your father’s grief and rage at society drove him toward the direction of the reestablishment. they had already been around quite some time, but no one ever took it seriously - another political group with empty promises, they called it. but your father had faith in their potential, he had to, now that he wanted to ensure a better future for yourself. so, he offered his undying loyalty to the group, and they took an interest in that and offered him a low level job.

within years, he worked his way up in power, helped enhance the reestablishment’s control over the world, and soon they were the sole government. many resisted, but the majority resided their fate to them because how much worse could the world get?

overtime, the distant memories of the old world faded and were forgotten by many, including yourself. all you knew and lived was reestablishment life. books, movies, devices, or anything pertaining to before reestablishment life was discarded. you were too young to even remember most of those things. so, unlike others, you never felt like you missed out on anything.

you were trained to be a soldier since practically diapers. the rebellion against the reestablishment was prominent during its early years, so your father ensured you could defend yourself properly if the worse were to come. with your agility and stealth, you were recruited to be a spy for them, infiltrating other bases and spying on the rebellion.

your father now works closely with supreme commander anderson at the capital, but you’ve designated yourself to sector 45, along with warner. he recognized your talent the moment he met you and employed you to his sector. that was how it became your current home.

your father was more than thrilled you impressed the commander’s son, telling you it was important to have their favor. ever since, he’d push the idea of you two, repeating that if you played your cards right, you could become the future supreme commander’s wife.

you felt nauseous at the idea. you would never want to be a second in command helping run a country, much less marry the person who does.

“hey! warner’s calling you into his office.” a voice called out to you.

you snapped out of your daydream, remembering your current location. you stood in the training room, gloves on, practicing your punches onto one of the many punching bags. you tended to zone as as you got more into your workout.

you turned around to face the soldier who had come in for the purpose of recalling a message, “thank you, tell him i will be there immediately.” he gave a curt nod and headed out.

you sighed, you were sure you were about to be sent on another mission to gather data. and normally, you would’ve been up for it, dying to put your skills to use. but lately, it seems the passion has disappeared. it was getting too repetitive for your liking, and you feared the rest of your life would play out the same.

you gathered your belongings, stuffing your water bottle and gloves back into your gym bag, and replaced your sweaty black shirt with a plain gray one.

you procrastinated as much as possible on the way to warner’s office. you are in no rush to head back out into the field or hear warners endless instructions on the mission. for once, you envied the low ranked soldiers. warner never expected much of them, so they were often overlooked and free to do as (possibly) pleased. you were expected to be no less than perfect.

you took a deep breath before knocking on the office door. once warner granted permission, you entered the room, and the first thing you noticed was another person was already there — one you recognized to be one of warner's many men, kenji kishimoto.

‘this is already off to a bad start,’ you told yourself. kenji was fairly new to the unit, joining a bit over a year ago. you never saw him much because of how busy you are, but due to his poor performance, warner had assigned you to train him for a week.

it hadn’t been your first time training a soldier, so you were prepared to follow a routine and help him get the hang of basics. but you quickly learned kenji was going to be a pain in your ass.

first, he was half an hour late to your training, wasting time you could’ve used for your own personal agenda. then, when he showed up, he acted nonchalantly about it. you decided to brush it off and just get the training over with than argue and waste more time. but as training commenced, he started acting condescending towards you. asking if you were sure what you were doing and whether you were the most qualified person to be instructing him. again, you ignored him and remained professional — trying your best to just finish off the lesson without any hassle.

the final straw for you came when you asked him to throw a punch to examine his form and offer critiques. to this responded, “are you sure about that? wouldn’t want to hurt you, sweetheart.” he said haughtily. you just about had it by then.

in a quick movement, you threw a punch to his face, twisted his arm, and flipped him onto the mats. “sorry, did i hurt you sweetheart?” you asked in a condescendingly sweet tone. all kenji does is groan in response.

after, you just stormed off and informed warner he would no longer be in charge of his training. you offered him no explanation and simply walked out of his office. if you hadn’t been so upset, you would’ve slapped yourself for being so careless in front of the commander's son. but fortunate to you, warner had no objections and simply tasked someone else to teach kenji.

however, that wasn’t even the end of your meeting. despite you bruising his face, kenji started to follow you like a puppy. you suddenly would run into him at least once a day. you swore he had to be somehow following you, and pretending it was a coincidence the two of you ran into each other. despite your expertise in the art of spying, you were never able to catch him in the act. you could sometimes feel a pair of eyes on you, but when you turned around, there was no one there.

you told him many times to leave you alone, but that only seemed to intrigue him more. he went from condescending to flirting with you. you weren’t sure which one was worse. you were starting to think the latter because of his awful pickup lines.

“do you have a name, or can i just call you mine?”

“oh god, i’m gonna throw up.”

“i’m going for a walk, would you mind holding my hand?”

“if you get your hand near me, it’s getting cut off.”

“i love it when you talk dirty to me.”

“do you travel through time? because i’ve pictured you in my future.”

“you’re not going to have a future, if you utter another word.”

“let me be the flynn rider to your rapunzel.”

“one, shut up. two, who are they?”

“what! you don’t know the amazing film that is tangled?”

“never mind, forget, i asked..”

no matter your reply, he never seems to get the hint. no, scratch that, he definitely got the hint he just simply did not care. this guy could be hit with a tank, and you were convinced he’d still have some stupid line to say to you.

back to your current predicament, you were unsure why warner would call for kenji as well. you were hoping they were just finishing up a conversation, and you happened to be a bit early. which you kinda doubted because you had taken as long as you possibly could to get to this room.

you walked up to warner’s desk, “you called for me sir?” you questioned. the sooner you got your task, the sooner you can get away from the man next to you.

kenji turns his attention toward you, unfortunately for you, “hey gorgeous, funny seeing you around here.” he says with a stupid smirk accompanying.

“not really.” you spoke bluntly.

before he can speak any more, dumb words, warner clears his throat indicating he is about to speak. “yes i did, and as you can see, i also called kishimoto here because I wanted to speak to the both of you.”

oh no. you weren’t liking where this was going so far, especially since this is an issue needing both of your presence in the room. you prayed he wasn’t about to assign you to train with kenji again. you lucked out last time, but there is no way you would be able to again decline in a way that wouldn’t defy warner. you remained stoic and nod to his words, waiting in suspense for his instructions.

“oh please go on, i’m intrigued.” kenji inquires. warner pays no mind him, nice to see you’re not the only one who does that.

“the reason for that is, i am in need of both of you for a mission in favor of the reestablishment.” he explains, folding his hands together neatly on his wooden desk.

technically, your prayer was granted; you didn’t need to train kenji. no, instead you had to go & work with him on a mission. ‘that’s why they say be careful what you wish for.’

you couldn’t protest and say absolutely not, or you just look like a child throwing a tantrum. it took a good portion of your self-control to keep that apathetic look on your face. but even then, your left eye reflexively twitched in irritation.

“no disrespect to your order sir, but why is kishimoto needed? i can handle myself quite well if you didn’t already know.” you try to reason.

“are you that nervous to be with me?” kenji interrupts smugly. you can’t help but stomp on his foot, even if it is a bit childish, your face neutral, not even sparring a look his way.

kenji yelps in pain, but still remarks, “nice to see your love language has switched from verbal threats to physical violence.”

warner, unbothered by your actions, replies, “i’m well aware of your capabilities l/n. but this task is a bit more dire than your usual requests. i’d prefer if you had a helping hand. plus, kishimoto still needs practice in the field and there’s no better example to follow than you.”

“thank you sir, for the compliment, but-“

“is that an objection to an order, l/n?” warner challenged you, raising a brow. you knew that was the end of it. as much as you didn’t like kenji, it wasn’t an issue worth being on warner’s bad side for.

“no,” you stated defensively, “of course not, sir, i am ready to serve the reestablishment as needed,” you restate your loyalty, but these days it felt like empty words.

“i, for one, have no issue with this request sir. i’m more than willingly to go along with y/n on this secret mission.” kenji proclaims with a gleeful smile.

“great, because the both of you will be departing tomorrow morning.” warner informed, leaning back into his seat. “that will be all,” he dismissed with a wave of a hand.

kenji and you both respectively nodded and turned your backs to walk away and exit his office. once you’re in the hall, your cool demeanor vanquishes and is replaced with a distasteful look. you simply couldn’t believe this was happening. you got partnered with the guy who you heard already had 19 demerits. surely, the world was punishing you.

opposite to you, kenji stood there with a sneaky smile, obviously enjoying how today’s events played out. it only annoyed you further.

“well, well, well,” he begins, “i guess we’ll be spending quite a bit of time with each other. you never know how long these missions take perhaps will be stuck teach with each other for a whole month. wouldn’t that just be exciting?” kenji teases, draping an arm over your tense shoulders.

you rolled your eyes and roughly pushed his arm off of you, “this operation is solely for professional purposes, kishimoto. we’ll be in and out then come back and relay information. then i go back to ignoring you.” you don’t bother to wait for a reply and start the walk to your living, quarters to prepare for your departure.

“i’ll grow on you eventually y/n!” he hollers at you as you venture further down the hall.

you dreaded the events to come the moment you opened your eyes to woke up.

a part of you had hoped your talk with warner yesterday had been a nightmare, but as soon as you saw your packed bag on your dresser, you knew it was your reality.

you hopped in the shower for a quick wash, braided your hair, and suited up in all black attire. you slip your bag over your shoulder and reluctantly walk out your room. from there, you made your way to the weaponry.

at the weaponry, you didn’t see kenji’s face; you had hope there was still a possibility he would not end up going along with you, and he would either be replaced, or you be left to your own devices. you started supplying weapons into your bags and filling the holsters strapped on your body.

“can’t believe you already started without me, angel.” you hear a voice announce from behind you.

you groaned, apparently, it was too much to ask to wish him away. he reminded you of a small insect that just refused to die no matter how many times you stepped on it with your foot.

he doesn’t miss a beat, moving to the spot next to you, “don’t sound too excited, or else i’d start to think you like me,” kenji playfully remarks.

you scoff, “only in your wildest dreams.”

“right you are.” you grimace at his reply.

“can you just hurry up? the sooner we set off the better.” you urge him.

he doesn’t deter from his smugness at your fierce attitude, “if you were so eager to be alone with me, you should’ve just told me, would’ve saved us a lot of trouble.”

you groaned, already sick of being around him. how were you supposed to do this for a day, or even more? “you have five minutes or swear to god i’m leaving without you.” you promised on your way out.

you made good of your word, and waited by the plane for approximately five minutes (you even counted down the seconds in your head). warner assigned a plane for the both of you, with its own pilot, to take you to your destination.

you wait until the last second before you board the small plane to inform the pilot to prepare for take off. not even a minute later, you hear the movement of footsteps rushing towards the vehicle. you try to conceal your look of disappointment when you see it, kenji coming toward you.

you step down the plane to coldly greet him, “you’re lucky you made it, i was prepared to about to leave without you,” you tell kenji seriously. “i suppose i can always just push you off the plane one we take off to rid of you,” you nonchalantly suggest.

he just laughs in response, thinking there’s no way you would actually take off without him, his laughter silences down when you offer no humor in your tone, nor your face. “you are just kidding right?”

you remain silent, and turn your back to board the plane.

“..right?” he calls at you, a hint of worry in his tone. the corner of your lip tugs up in amusement as you walk off.

“wow, this spy stuff is quite boring.” kenji complains aloud. “how are you ever entertained doing this on your own? thank goodness you have me around now. perhaps we can even be some sort of duo, we can even have a cool name - the terrific two? nah. the dangerous duo? eh. oh wait, i’ve got it! mr. and mrs. smith-“

“will you shut up!” you turn your head away to snap at him. you were ready to lose your mind with his absurd commentary for the past hour.

the two of you stationed yourselves on top of a tall building’s rooftop hiding from plain view & your target’s sight. your current target was a supreme commander of another country, one that had indirectly expressed his indifference toward warner, but remained loyal to reestablishment principles. warner believes it’s possible he may have a hidden agenda concerning the reestablishment, and just to be sure, he tasked you to report his activity.

your mission wasn’t anything complicated, the majority of it consisted of keeping vigilant watch and reporting anything of utter importance. the two of you used your binoculars to spy on the commander and his men from above. but you understood why warner had wanted someone to accompany you. there were almost 3 times as many men than what you were used to on your operations. but you weren’t going to admit this to the person next to you.

kenji nods, “you’re right we should skip the mindless comments and instead get to know each other. after all, i’d be real awkward if i didn’t even know fun facts about my future girlfriend,” he makes a hand gesture toward you at the end of his words.

“first off, never going to be your girlfriend. second, this isn’t a date; we’re on a stakeout collecting information.” you reiterate.

“come on,” kenji complains, “these guys have done nothing for the past 2 hours. the only criminal thing that is worth mentioning is that the commander does not pull off purple .”

you scoffed, annoyed, but you couldn’t say he was completely lying. it has been kind of a slow night. the commander stood by his post, watching the soldiers pack shipments meant for other countries & sectors, including sector 45. whenever the supreme commander would leave, either kenji or you would tail him, but it was also a dead end. he either needed to use the bathroom or go to his office to retrieve something. a part of you was starting to wonder why warner would think of this man as suspicious when he seemed as bland as the color beige. it was quite offensive to your spy expertise to be sent on such a mundane mission.

you sigh in defeat, “fine,” you turn to face kenji, “if it gets you to shut up. what do you wanna know?”

kenji places his hand over his chest, making a face of disbelief. “wow, i’ve finally done it, i’ve cracked you. it’s only a matter of time now before you actually start enjoying my presence like most of the female population.”

“i’m this close to pushing you off the ledge right now.” you exclaim, pinching your index and thumb very close as a demonstration.

“well, if we’re gonna be working together,”

he starts, ignoring your threat, “we’ve got to learn more about eachother - you know ,like the deep stuff.”

“the deep stuff?” you repeat suspiciously.

“yeah, like, what’s your favorite color?”

you turn away dramatically, “well, now you’ve just crossed the line,” you say in a light tone.

he shakes his head, “seriously, what’s your favorite color?”

“hm,” you ponder on it for a second before answering, “i like yellow.”

“yellow?” he repeats, unsure of whether to believe you. “you’re telling me, the spy who is always seen in all black’s favorite color is yellow?” he speaks as if the concept is foreign to him.

you roll your eyes for the millionth time tonight, “i wear all black because i’m working, not by personal choice. my wardrobe is actually full of colorful choices.” you admit.

kenji smirks, “so, what color are you wearing underne-“

“anyway,” your speak over him, cutting him off. “what’s your favorite color?” you ask to change focus.

“purple. and not like the purple that supreme commander looks horrendous in,” you hold back a smile at the insult, “more like the shade of purple rapunzel’s dress is.”

you tilt your head, “who’s rapunzel, is she a friend of yours?”

his eyes narrow at you, “a friend of min- she’s only one of the greatest heroines in the disney film history!” he exclaims.

“what about your knee?”

“you can’t be serious-“

that was when you heard it, voices speaking in rushed and commanding tones, getting louder and louder to the point you were able to make out the words without your listening equipment. you recognized one of them - the supreme commander.

“shoot them!” he shouted at the soldiers.

you’d been spotted. and now they were going to start firing.

“kenji get down!”

“what-“

you didn’t wait for him to understand and instinctively jumped onto kenji’s body to bring him down to the ground and avoid him from getting shot.

due to your heroic act, you were unfortunately caught by a bullet and shot in your left arm. you’ve been shot before, but it didn’t suck any less. luckily, the adrenaline coursing through you helped subdue the pain for now, but you know it’s only a matter of time before you were withering in discomfort.

“shit!” kenji cursed in reaction to the many gunshots shooting at you both. you both are currently protected by the small four feet ledge from the building you were grounded on.

“how did they even spot us?“ kenji hollers so you could him him over the flux of bullets.

“i don’t know, but there’s no time for explanations. this ledge won’t protect us for long we have to find a way out of here without being noticed.“

you had a lurking suspicion the commander was given a heads-up on the arrival of two spies. however, it wasn’t a time to investigate that.

kenji began to move from beneath you so he could somewhat sit himself up, still avoiding being hit. his movement caused you to unintentionally hiss in pain when he rubbed against your injured arm; that is when kenji took notice of your wound.

he gently grabbed it for further inspection, blood oozing from the hole of the bullet plunged into your arm. returns his gaze to you. his eyes showing worry, “you’re injured. why didn’t you say anything?” he questions you gently.

he then swiftly untucked his long sleeve shirt for machines and ripped a piece of it from the bottom. then he began to wrap it around your injury and tie it to give it pressure to lessen the bleeding.

“didn’t think there was time, you know, with hundreds of bullets coming our way.”

kenji rolls his eyes. you speak up again before he has a chance to counter, “ok, we seriously need to focus on our plan of action right now. we are way too outnumbered to strike back.”

kenjis nods and looks down in concentration of convincing a plan, and you do the same. you both could maneuver your way down towards the way you came in, but no doubt the commander's men have already begun to circle around the entire establishment. you both could sprint quick enough and jump onto the neighboring building, but it would require some climbing. and with your current left arm in bad shape, could be almost impossible for you to climb a building with one arm, no matter the skill acquired in your training.

do you have to make a decision quick, so you went with the most logical one. “kenji,” you call his attention, and he looks up from his spot, “i have a plan. but..you’re going to have to go without me.”

kenji’s face shifted from concern to confusion. “i don’t understand..”

you briefly explained the small plan you concocted, “with my with my injury , it’s clear i can’t do it. so, it’s better that you go on and-“

kenji doesn’t let you finish. “no. no. that’s not an option.” he protests.

“you have t-“

his hand is covering your mouth in a second, “it’s out of the question. don’t go saying that stupid shit again, got it?“ he sternly tells you, looking you in the eye intensely.

you’ve never had someone be so adamant about leaving you behind. if it had been anyone else with you, they would’ve up and left the moment you suggested it. a warm feeling tingled in your stomach at the thought to kenji caring about you so much.

you’re quite stunned at his assertiveness, so you nod quietly - which is highly out of character for you.

once he knows you understand, he removes his hand from your face, sighing as he does so. “i have a way for us to get out of here unnoticed and safely,” kenji admits. you pique up, intrigued by how he has a better solution, and motion for him to continue. “but you’re really going to have to trust me for this to work, ok?” he says more like a statement than a question.

“ok.” you agree.

while you may not have known kenji too long or even liked him much before tonight, he wasn’t incompetent, mostly, you had enough faith in him to believe he wouldn’t intentionally put you both in harm's way.

kenji takes a deep breath in, and you can tell to ease his nerves. it bubbles up your curiosity more. it must be something quite grand for him to be nervous to do. but then again, it had to be something quite out of the box if it weren’t a plan you could’ve conceived.

“i’m going to grab your hand, and then i’m gonna need you to do your best to not freak out.” kenji instructs carefully to you.

now you were getting anxious; what could possibly make you freak out? generally weren’t the type to scare easily, and you’re sure kenji knew this. but you truly had no other option unless you wanted to be stranded here. the sound of gunfire served over to reminder of your limited time.

you nod in confirmation and hold out your right hand in permission for him to grab. kenji takes a second before he latches his hand into yours.

for a moment, you’re confused. nothing seems to be happening. part of you thought he was going to continue with your plan, but forcibly drag you along with him. you turn your attention toward the other side to check if you were supposed to see something. but again, saw nothing of significance.

you begin to scowl, “kenji is this a joke-“

but when you turn to see kenji, no one is there. right away, you assume he left you and did everything prior as some twisted joke. you were ready to get angry, but then you felt the pressure on your palm. you were still holding his hand.

you looked around again and saw no sign of kenji besides his hand in yours. your confusion was deepening at this point, and you were beginning to think you passed out after being shot and were currently dreaming. you looked down at your interlocked hands, but you didn’t see your hands either. your eyes then moved over to your own body, but again - nothing.

you gasp, “what the hell?”

you instantly panic, not understanding what is happening. you move your body in the hope it would make it visible again, but failed. you try to free your hand from kenji’s, but he firmly keeps it gripped.

“hey, it’s alright, i’m here. calm down.” you hear kenji finally speak from next to you. you feel his thumb rub over the top of your hand in an attempt to soothe you.

you ignore him and attempt to make a list of possible nonsense that would explain the situation. “are we dead?”

“no! just invisible.” he states calmly as if the whole situation were normal. he stands up, forcing you to do the same. he begins to build up a run toward the side of the building. you can’t see either of your bodies, so you do your best to keep up without tripping.

“invisible?” you repeat, “how are we invisible?” it sounded ridiculous saying it aloud, but it was the only “reasonable” explanation for what was happening.

“uh, let’s just say i have a certain skill set.” he says in a rushed tone. you couldn’t tell if it was because he wanted to avoid answering or focus on the task at hand. maybe both.

“that doesn’t explain anything!” you say, waving your other arm around, although you both are unable to see it.

now having reached the side of the building you entered from, you see the ladder that led you both up. kenji wastes no time on stepping down first. you can’t see his movement but can feel yourself being tugged and the sound of his boots hitting the metal.

you follow, continuing to hold his hand as he leads you both down the ladder of the building. “as you mentioned over and over before, there’s no time for explanations. you just focus on getting down this ladder.”

you did as he said (for once) and continued stepping down, with one hand on the rail, in silence. for once in your life, you were speechless.

you both successfully evaded the commander and his soldiers. the invisibility had proven to be true because you walked past them like it was nothing, as they still shot to where they assumed the two of you were still positioned.

there were no words exchanged on the way back to the plane. kenji took the initiative to inform the pilot of your coordinates, so the two of you could be picked up. you felt foolish for being so unprofessional, but you finally evading the danger, your state of shock was brought back.

when the plane finally landed down, kenji had finally returned both of your visible states and then released your hand. you could feel the sweat on it from holding on so long, but you were still reeling in from events to notice or care.

both of you moved to board the plane.

if you hadn’t faced some blood loss and felt incredible fatigue, you would’ve hounded kenji for answers on your way back to sector 47. but as soon as you sat down on a seat, you were out like a light.

the next time you open your eyes, all you could see was white. the ceiling lights temporarily blinded you, making it hard to see your surroundings at first.

you groaned from disorientation and the blinding light. you turn to the sense of touch and understand you are lying on a bed. your vision settled, and you were able to vaguely recognize your surrounding. the long windows, medical supplies, other white-sheeted beds neighboring, faint smell of disinfectant — you were in the medical wing in sector 45.

you knew it was the infirmary from your sector because of the large indentation on the wall from a mishap of yours a few years prior, one of the few times you actually went to a trained nurse instead of mending to yourself. long story short, the nurses really should have de-weaponized you before attempting to wake you up after you’d passed out.

now knowing you were in a dangerous environment, you slowly began to sit up. you used one hand to stable yourself since the other was put into a cast. the aching you were trying to put off the whole mission came in full force.

you looked down at your attire; your first layers of clothes covered in grime and blood were removed. now you were only left in your black shorts and tank top.

not even a moment later, you hear the sounding of the your door opening.

“well finally you’re awake!” a voice says, “thought i’d need to wake you up with true love’s kiss.”

kenji walks up to your bedside, his sly smile never faltering until he takes a glance at your injured arm.

he peers down at your face. he takes a hand and moves a strand of hair behind your ear. your stomach warms at the feeling of his faint touch on the side of your face.

“i thought i’d lost you for a second there, sleeping beauty.” kenji says in a gentle tone.

another reference of his you didn’t understand, but you chose to focus on his other words instead.

you tilt your sore neck, which you regret, in confusion, “what do you mean?”

“you were asleep the whole flight, and when we landed, i tried to wake you, but you wouldn’t stir. i knew something was wrong. my assumption was proven correct because when i examined your arm, your blood loss was almost severe. after that, i just rushed to get here.” kenji explains, his tone a bit somber. you fight the urge to hold his hold and comfort him, then chide yourself for thinking so something so intimate involving kenji.

guess you probably should’ve checked your arm when you boarded the plane. somehow, your bloody arm had gone from the first to the last thing on your mind during the operation.

“and now your facing my dashingly handsome face.” he cockily adds in.

there it is. you don’t even snarkily counter back. for once, you just smile in response. you give in to your urges and grab onto his hand, giving it a soft squeeze, “thank you kenji. seriously, i know we started on the wrong foot, but i’m very grateful to you.” you say sincerely.

kenji squeezes your hand in return, “to be fair, you’re the one who’s made your distaste toward me very clear while all i did was confess my undying love to you.” he corrects with a pout. he places a hand over his heart in fake pain.

your mouth gapes, “what? you’re the one who not only showed up late, but acted like a total douche the first time we met.”

kenji laughs at this sheepishly, “yeah, about that..” he goes to rubs his hand on the side of his neck.

“what?” you question. “don’t leave me hanging.”

kenji laughs, “that first meeting, i wasn’t actually late.” he starts.

you shake your head, “yes you were. i waited there for almost half an hour.”

“i was there fifteen minutes early, waiting by the door. but then i saw you walk past me, not even sparing a glance, and go into the training room.” kenji confesses.

“then why were you so late?” you interrupt impatiently. you don’t remember seeing him there at all, and if he had been there, why didn’t he just go in straight after you instead of wasting your time.

“i’m getting there, angel.” kenji taps his index finger on the tip of your nose. you swat his hand and wait for him to go on.

“after you went in, i was stunned. truly. you were the most gorgeous being i’d ever seen, and you walked around like you didn’t even know it.”

you smack his arm at his dramatic flattery, “shut up, quit playing around and get to the point.”

“am i one to lie?” he asks rhetorically.

you give him a look. “alright, maybe, but it doesn’t make what i said any less true. you are beautiful, and anyone who hasn’t told you that is an idiot.”

you scoff, turning your head away from kenji. you rather him not see the rising redness on your cheeks.

luckily kenji continues without comment, “anyway, after i got a hold of myself, i thought, ‘how was a guy supposed to walk in and face this goddess of a person supposed to be his trainer.’ he can’t, so he does the classic guy move, ‘act indifferent to make yourself seem cooler in front of a girl.”

“so you acted like an asshole….on purpose….because you wanted to be cool in front of me?” you repeat slowly, making sure you understood his stupid plan.

“ok, i get it; it's not my best moment. trust me when i say i realized my mistake as soon as you started kicking my ass like it was nothing. but it actually made me like you more and even turned me on a bit-“

“ok, i think i got it!” you weren’t one to be so easily flushed, but it was hard not to when he was so blunt about affection toward you. even if it was vulgar.

“after that horrible first meeting, i had to get you to like me.” kenji explains, “so i did my best to use my attractiveness and charming persona to seduce you. but, damn, you wouldn’t even bat an eye at my attempts. that only made me wanna do it more.”

you cross your arms over your chest, “so what, you like me because i’m pretty and a challenge for you?” you ask with an aloof tone.

“maybe at the start, but now, everything about you has me captivated. your strength and resilience. the way people undermine you, but you don’t let it stop you from proving them wrong. how to most, you’re uptight and cold, but you actually care more than you’d want to admit. i admire that you want to be the best, but not for warner, for yourself.” your eyes begin to soften at kenji as he describes you so passionately. you didn’t realize observant of you he was.

kenji continues, “hell, even your stubbornness. though, you break my heart a little every time you reject one of my very well thought out pick up lin-“

you don’t wait to hear anymore. abruptly, you sit up and yank him by the collar of his shirt, pulling him down to your eye level. you’re moving automatically as if in a trance, and your sturdy hand reaches the right side of his face. “shut up.” you say in a rushed whisper.

then you kiss him. you actually, willingly, lean in and collide your lips with kenji kishimoto. you like it very much too. and there is no better feeling than the way his lips on yours make your heart race and body buzz with warmth and exhilaration.

everything happened so quick, kenji was frozen in his spot for a good moment - his eyes so wide they could’ve popped out. then, he smoothly regained composure. his face relaxed, now having a giddy grin into the kiss, and slid a hand to the back of your neck, under your hair, to hold you closer.

even though the kiss was a heat-of-the-moment decision, the kiss itself wasn’t heated nor rushed. no, it was almost the exact opposite. your lips were tenderly pressed together, heads titled opposite directions so you fit together in sync.

you move your touch to his covered chest, gripping his plain fitted shirt for dear life, a way to remind yourself that this was all very real.

you’re the first to pull away; part of you already longing for his touch as you did. you felt dizzy, not in a loss of blood way, but in a weightless feeling way. you couldn’t stop the silly smile etched on your face, nor the flushed look that was likely written all over your face. you couldn’t even find yourself caring about it.

kenji’s appearance isn’t much different from yours, but his smile is crooked and screams more of satisfaction and a bit of cockiness. “told you i’d eventually win you over.”

you chuckle and lightly punch kenji’s bicep, shaking your head, “tell anyone, and i’ll deny it.” you threaten in jest.

you tap your lips with your index finger and look up in mock contemplation, “hm. maybe if you explain how you turned us invisible back there i’ll think about a date.” you remind him. you were still owed a great explanation.

kenji grins, “is that all it takes? well, then, i’ve got a hell of a story for you.”

special thank you to @butterflyreads for being so patient and liking my works, hope you enjoy this one <3

#kenji kishimoto #kenji kishimoto x reader #kenji kishimoto x female reader #kenji kishimoto imagine #shatter me #shatter me fanfic #aaron warner #juliette ferrars #x female reader #reader imagine #reader insert

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honey-beann · 8 months

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This is a weird way to come back into writing fics again, but here's a very vaguely edited fic that I wrote a while back to get me back into the groove of posting. I hope you like sick reader x snarky bastard fics lol.

Thoroughly Analyzed (rk900 x reader)

Word Count: 1,005

"Oh fuck off, Gavin, I'm not sick!"

You all but sputtered, your cheeks dusted a light pink as you stood in front of your friend and coworker's desk, arms crossed and hip cocked to the side while you eyed him with as much disdain as you could muster.

"Are you being serious, dumb ass? You babysat Chris' kid while it had the flu four days ago, and now you're drinking tea and popping cough drops at your desk like it's your job. Just admit you were an idiot and go home."

You scoffed, glaring at Gavin as you moved away to sit down in your desk chair before turning it to face him once more.

"It wasn't a bad idea for me to babysit the kid, Reed, and I definitely did not get sick because of an eighteen month old child. Now do you have anything of substance to say, or can I finally get back to work?"

You watched as Gavin rolled his eyes, chuckling slightly under his breath as he turned his attention back to his monitor,

"Yeah yeah, whatever you say, loser. Good luck nursing yourself back to health without taking a day off work."

Fighting the urge to flip off your coworker, you instead turned your gaze towards your own monitor, only to find yourself looking right above it and into the eyes of your department's rk900 model android, who had long since been dubbed 'Nines'.

You swallowed thickly, wincing shortly thereafter at the pain that action caused within your throat before catching yourself and forcing a polite smile,

"Hey Nines, what's up?"

You asked as casually as you could manage, watching as the android in question raised a brow before motioning towards Gavin, who had started watching your interaction the moment you'd spoken aloud.

You shrugged, trying not to pay your human coworker too much mind as you cleared your throat again awkwardly before attempting to speak once more, though your voice did sound notably strained this time,

"Reed told me last week that babysitting Chris' kid while he was sick was a bad idea because it was sure to get me sick too. I told him that my body was strong enough to fight off whatever an eighteen month old had, and he bet me twenty bucks that I'd be too sick to come to work within the week. That was four days ago, and now he's doing his best to convince me to go home since he's gotten it in his head that I caught the flu from the kid."

Nines' gaze was cold and stern as he stood, his arms crossed as he took a step closer,

"Did you?"

He asked, and you allowed yourself a moment to get lost in said gaze, however cold it may have been, before snapping out of it, remembering your promise to keep things professional at work.

Wouldn't want anyone catching on, after all.

"Wha- no, of course I didn't."

You sputtered nervously, hearing Gavin chuckle as he watched you from his seat, clearly amused and more than a little entertained.

"Are you sure about that, Detective?"

Nines pressed, taking another two steps closer to where you were sitting as he watched you calmly, a slight smirk making its way to his lips all the while.

"Because I have noticed a bit of a drop in your performance throughout the past two days, and it is part of policy that sick employees remain at home for necessary rest."

You shivered at the sound of Nines' voice, but did your best to play it cool despite your physical reaction to his now significantly closer presence.

"I-I'm fine I promise. I think I've just been a little tired, is all..."

You trailed off as the android in question moved to stand directly beside you, his hand falling to the back of your chair and turning it in his direction, thus forcing you to face him head on as he gazed down at you intently, that smirk remaining all the while.

"Oh really? Well, if you're just tired, I don't suppose you'd mind a routine test of your health?"

"A routine test of my health? No but what exactly-"

You were cut off by a pair of familiar lips crashing into yours as an equally familiar hand moved to cup your chin, tilting your face upward as you gasped into the kiss, eyes fluttering closed against your will. You remained this way for several seconds, until finally, Nines pulled away, humming as he looked down at you with both amusement and exasperation evident in his expression,

"According to my analysis of your saliva, you are suffering from the common flu, detective. Please gather your things and allow me to bring you home. I will inform the captain of our absence."

Unable to argue, you nodded meekly, your hand briefly raising to touch your subtly bruised lips before you snapped out of it and hurried to get your things together, trying desperately to ignore Gavin's shocked expression all the while.

Nines, on the other hand, seemed eager to bask in your shared coworker's surprise, and was in no apparent rush to leave, gathering his own belongings with the swift and relaxed ease that seemed to come so naturally to him.

Once everything was together, however, he made no effort to poke at Gavin further, simply guiding you by your elbow to the door as Reed began to follow suit, sputtering various questions, most of which were nonsensical and jumbled.

Eventually though, as the front door loomed before the two of you, Nines did stop and turn towards the man, his lips twitching upward ever so slightly as he smoothly withdrew his wallet from his pocket before reaching into it, his gaze never leaving Gavin's all the while.

"Oh, and thank you for your concern for my partner's well being, Detective Reed."

He said cheekily as he handed the man in question a twenty dollar bill before exiting the building entirely with you at his side.

#dbh x reader #c: nines #nines x reader #rk900 x reader #dbh nines x reader #dbh fics #dbh x reader fluff

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quitealotofsodapop · 2 months

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Hi! It's me again :3, I don't know (and remember) if anyone has asked this before but I would like to know:

How did OG!MK feel when he found out that SW is his father in another dimension (I feel like Mei would say something like "See? I told you he was your dad" or something)

If it happens before S4, I feel like Mk would be a little jealous of his other self seeing that he doesn't have the problem of not knowing who his biological parents.

(The idea occurred to me when I remembered a tiktok that said MK used any type of editing app to get an idea of what his parents would look like 🥲)

omg if you have that tiktok I'd love a link XD

Think i did do a post like that ages ago, but only with an earlier draft of TMKATI and canon. Now I have like three more verses to torment MK with >:)

When the Canon verse and the other verses collide, the quickest thing the MKs would notice is their appearances.

OG!MK: "Whoa!! These me's are monkey demons!" TMKATI!MK: "And you guys are... human???" SlowBoiled!MK: "Yeah, why wouldn't him- I mean me be?" CenturyEgg!MK: "I don't know about you guys - but my parents are monkey demons. Then again my gūtā [dad's gender neutral older sibling] is human, I think???" JTTWEgg!MK: "My parents are monkey demons! The coolest monkey demons ever I may brag." TMKATI!MK: "Oh no way! My parents are monkey demons too! i have a bunch of adopted siblings though. Does your dad work with Bóbo[dad's older brother] Pigsy too?" CenturyEgg!MK: "No cus Uncle Pigsy and Tang lives in the city. We all live on Flower Fruit Mountain - but we visit as often as possible! Uncle Sandy ferries us across all the time." :3 OG!MK: "Wow!! You two live on the mountain!? What's it like?" JTTWEgg!MK, shrugging: "It's cool." CenturyEgg!MK: "Sometimes feel pressured by my role as Heir to the Stone Throne - but I wouldn't trade it for the world. I really don't like having to visit the Celestial Realm though. The nobles are kinda mean about my dad cus he caused a bunch of havoc a long time ago." The Other MKs: "wut" OG!MK: "Uh... Please explain who your parents are?" CenturyEgg!MK, confused by their confusion: "Sun Wukong the Monkey King, and Liu'er Mihou the Sage of Wind??? I thought you guys were too???" JTTWEgg!MK: "Yeah, mine are too. I thought you guys knew??" SlowBoiled!MK: "No- well kind- it's complicated! Ok!?" TMKATI!MK: "Not me. My parents are normal monkey demons, dude." OG!MK: "Oh my gods the Monkey King *is* our dad in another universe! Mei is never gonna let me forget this!" CenturyEgg!MK: "Well techinically he's my mom too so..." The Other MKs: "lol wat?" JTTWEgg!MK: "lol same."

The different MKs collaborate to tell stories about themselves (and get a solid PSA on Stone Eggs) while their respective Meis are snapping photos with eachother.

The different monkeys watch on nervously. The different monkey kings are sitting politely as their Macaques hiss at eachother from across the room.

OG!SWK: "So uh... did you tell him yet?" Other Monkeys: "Tell him what?" SlowBoiled!SWK: "About him being made by Nuwa, or the fact that we were forced to abandon him?" The CenturyEgg and TMKATI monkeys: "What." TMKATI!SWK, laughing nervously: "What? Oh gods no. I thought you guys meant telling him who we are!" The Other Monkeys: "Wut" CenturyEgg!SWK: "Your MK doesn't know that you guys are... Us?" TMKATI!LEM: "Nah, we've sorta been off-the-grid ever since genius here [thumb-points at his SWK] got me pregnant with our MK." The Stone Egg au SWKs: "Hah!" "Uno reverse card, plums!" Stone Egg LEMs: *all three have varying looks of horror, indignance, and bashfulness* SlowBoiled!LEM: "I said I was sorry!" OG!LEM: "Wait... what do you mean by sorry?" SlowBoiled!LEM, looking uncomfortable: "Cus of our uh... fight under the Mountain, and me not returning to feed him, I sorta caused Wukong's body to create a Stone Egg... and then I sorta died before I found out so..." JTTWEgg!LEM: "Ooof. Glad I learned early then." CenturyEgg!SWK, to his SlowBoiled counterpart: "Oh bummer, you got left with Stone Egg all the way back then? I started up the process willingly after I had to seal away DBK. When was the little guy born?" SlowBoiled!SWK: "Little lady actually. Yuebei was born about six months ago. Our MK was crafted by Nuwa - then again I did raise him the first year until I became too weak to care for him..." *looks sad* TMKATI and CenturyEgg monkeys: "Oh no..." :( "Stone eggs are super dangerous to the people around them. I don't blame you." JTTWEgg!SWK: "Odd. I got an Egg from the mountain too - but mine was born shortly after I completed the Journey. And mine was our MK. Did losing Mihou make the process longer??" OG Monkeys: "What?" "How many of you have MK as your kid!?" (*Cue them having to make a Venn Diagram of Whos' MK is What to Whom*) OG!SWK: "Ok so! Mine and the guy with the super-adorbs baby got our MKs dumped on us." SlowBoiled Monkeys: *proudly showing photos of their Yuebei* OG!LEM: "The me in sweatpants had him cus of a comet /slash/ stone egg soul mishap." TMKATI!LEM: "Oh, my Wukong was still responsible there. He sealed the Harbringer's soul inside me after using a sealing spell. TMKATI!SWK: "I panicked, ok!" OG!SWK, pointing at the remaining universes: "Annnd you two literally birthed him yourselves." CenturyEgg and JttwEgg SWKs: "Yup." "Stone shell and all." OG!SWK: "...is there anything else I'm missing?" The other universes: (*scratching their chins in thought*) SlowBoiled!LEM, slyly: "So are you guys back together yet, or what?" OG Monkeys: "What!?" "As if!"

Laughter just erupts around the room as the canon shadowpeach pairing realises that they're the odd ones out as *not* being together.

Complete and utter chaos reigns when the parent and MK groups reunite, and they recognise some sort of connection...

#wukongverse #my aus #lmk aus #jttw aus #shadowpeach #the monkey king and the infant au #the monkey king and the infant #slow boiled stone egg au #jttw stone egged au #century stone egg au #sun wukong #six eared macaque #liu er mihou #qi xiaotian #lmk mk

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michelle4eve · 24 days

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Moots <33

(No specific order, I love all you guys!)

@aia45

-Newer moot! Hihi :) Who's your bias btw?

@gimmeurtummy

-I literally love you, I appreciate you comforting me when I was about to cry and you're so kind it hurts 🤭 I hope we continue to talk and be bsfs :]

@lovablewh0re

- I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU 😚❣ MY BBY SARANGHEAYO 😡💋

@linosssss

- I dunno yet D: But here, have hearts because I haven’t got anything to say ❣️💕💓

@galaxycatdrawz

-I dunno you much yet I'm so sorry 😞 I just watch your interactions with others (sometimes I interact with you too :O) and I want to get closer with u :)

@milf-ivy

-I'm sorry, I forgot all interactions I have had with you (if i had any), you’re very sweet tho😭 But uhm here's some hearts 💕 💖 💓 ♥ 💗 ❤

@sashaelfel

-OMGG I LOVE YOUR ART BROO? LIKE EVERYTHING LOOKS SO GOOD AND I WANT TO EAT IT FROM HOW IT LOOKS. YOU ARE ONE TALENTED MF ❣💕💓

@bluejutdae

-Hii, I didn’t know we were moots?? I hope we can talk? <33

@livelovelaughmiko

-So sweet?? Adorable even?? Like you srsly have stolen my heart.. I smiled like a dumb fool, your lil photo bombs make my day/few days <33 Hehe :]

@writingforstraykids

-Literally a celebrity so I'm intimidated, and I love your writing 😚 I will binge your series as promised soon 🙏

@got-me-seein-stars

- How are you doin? Thanks for checking up on me and all, I really appreciate it :] Hope you're doing alright!

@thatonedemigodfromseoul

-You better get me some sushi so I can try it 😤And you(r)e (dog is) cute <33 Also, please stop murdering and/or committing arson 🙏

@binnies-binna-deactivated202403

- … Babes.. One moment you're there and the next you deactivated 😭

@minholing

-MWAH 😚💕💕❣❣ (I can't figure out what to say, so here's hearts ♡♡♡)

@cinnamostar

- Hihihi how are you doing, i remember smth abt this guy from a party? How's that lol, and I love your fake texts :]

@143staytiny

-Literally so fuking sweet Ily <33 your long paragraphs kinda intimidate me..but it's a-ok! Some people write long texts, some short. Alsooo WHERE IS THE PLAYLIST 😭😭

@zee-143

-No but I actually luv u, might be stalking me though 🧐 and ur headcanons/lil oneshots stole my heart.. Ngl I didn't know you wrote them, I should pay more attention to the authors.. We're officially besties now whether you like it or not. 😇 And we be matching 🤭

@lixxpix

-Hihihi I'm so sorry I forgot you 😔 I honestly have no idea if we've interacted before.. ilyt 😅💕💕 Mwah mwah 💋❣

@azuna-sz

-Hiii! Newest mootie here :] I hope we get to know each other more. How's your day been so far?

@viviworkshere

-Hi mon cheri, I think I've won the boop war earlier hehe. You're cute and I loved your fic, I like you, take care

@sona1800

-So sweet and very cool 😎 I have no clue what to say so bare with me D:

@crispxxxx

- I feel like you’re stalking me pt.2 🧐 But uhm, I srsly don't know what to say but you seem cool :DD

@atinyniki

-Are you ok bro, don't die. Ilyy 🤭💕 I'm a big fan

@yangbbokari

-Why are you still here lol, sending ❣❣❣💕💕💓💓

@jinnie-ret

-Hehe, hi. I love your writing :DD I like you too :DD

@cheesemonky

-First to adopt me, my momma. If it isn’t obvious enough, I rly like u! And your writing is amazing too, you’re very admirable and I’m 100% sure you’re very pretty

@theoncelerswifearoo

-My first ever moot here! I don’t think I’ve actually talked with you lol 😓 Wayyyy back when I was in my onceler phase (a year ago?), we became moots :) I don’t even know if you use tumblr anymore tbh…

@skzoologist

-Omg when I first talked to you, I thought I was dreaming or smth.. Like, I love everything about you and you know me now?? 🤯 And now, we talk more 😌 I'm improving with my sleep schedule btw! I don't rly take baths that late anymore 🥳

@silverstarburst

- I just watch your interactions from afar so I dunno what to say for you 😭 here’s a heart?? <33

@foivestarrsketchez

-I do not remember if we interacted before.. But you seem cool, let's be friends 💜

@crabrangoongirl25

-I dunno you that much yet I'm so sorry 🙏💕 You seem cool and I'm kinda intimidated

@lilistayskz

-I don't know you that much yet I'm so sorry 😞 I hope we get to talk more and become closer hehe

@homuncvlus

-I don't know you much yet I'm so sorry 😞💞 But I see you pop up a lot in my feed and activity hehe 💓

@nyukyujs

-I dunno you much yet 😞 But uhm I like your writing and 💞❣💕

@dwaekkiforpresident

-🧍‍♀️I'm kinda intimidated by you, 😚💕

I'M SORRY IF THESE AREN'T GREAT, I WAS QUITE LITERALLY PANICKING WHILE WRITING THIS BECAUSE WHAT IF ONE OF YOU GUYS GET OFFENDED OR SMTH SO I APOLOGIZE 🙏 I LOVE YOU ALL MWAH MWAH 😚💕💋❣💓💗

IF YOU AREN'T HERE PLEASE TELL ME DD: I MUST'VE FORGETTEN ...

#cute moots #i hope you like it and don't hate me #if you aren't my moot and you're here #im sorryyyy #im half asleep #don't come for me #I'm actually scared to post #..#4evetalks #4everambles #mon chéri

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drewharrisonwriter · 8 months

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On the Mend - Ch 2: Let Me Sleep On It

No Outbreak Joel Miller x Female Reader

Read this on AO3 | Masterlist

Summary: After seeing Joel Miller for the first time in months and revealing your little secret, Tommy Miller ran after you to the parking lot.

Word count: 1,972

A/N: I done did it, folks. Here is chapter 2 lol And it's lengthier, too but I'm still not sure what's gonna happen next or when this will end but hope you all like this chapter.

She hurriedly paid for her purchases and rushed to the parking lot.

It had already been a long and arduous day in general. Seeing Joel Miller had been the last thing she needed. All she wanted was to go home and put this dreadful day behind her, and hopefully, never see Joel again.

But based on their last conversation, that wouldn't be a problem.

She just wanted to avoid having to explain anything to him if it ever came to that. She didn't owe him an explanation; he had made it clear he never planned on marrying her or having a family with her. She understood that his priority was Sarah, and she loved Sarah deeply but she had left to give herself a fair chance in life, a chance to be a mother to her own child, and maybe one day, to find love and get married.

At the moment, she was satisfied with the life she had been living since her breakup with Joel. It had been tough, especially going through the pregnancy alone, but she was doing alright, she thought to herself. She missed him, but she didn't allow herself to dwell on that because it only broke her heart, remembering that Joel had kept her for five years, only to tell her that their relationship was essentially a dead-end.

She fumbled for her car keys, her mind still reeling from the unexpected encounter with Joel. The wounds from their last confrontation were still fresh, and seeing him again had sent a shockwave through her emotions. But she did her best to calm herself down. It's going to be alright. She assured herself. You'll be home soon, and you can pretend that you never saw him. It's just one bad day.

As she slid into the driver's seat and turned the ignition, she couldn't shake the image of Joel's stunned expression when he'd spotted her unmistakable baby bump. She didn't know whether it was anger, sadness, or some mix of emotions that clouded his eyes, but she knew one thing for sure: she saved herself from even more hurt by leaving him and not telling him about her baby.

Just as she was about to pull out of the parking space, a familiar figure darted in front of her car, causing her to slam on the brakes. It was Tommy Miller, Joel's younger brother and one of her closest friends that she essentially ghosted along with Sarah when she left Joel. Tommy had always been the peacemaker (as much as he is a troublemaker, ironically), the one who tried to mend fences and bring people together.

She rolled down her window, and yelled, “Tommy what the fuck?!”

“I’m sorry,” he laughed as he walked towards her.

She sighed, her frustration evident. "Tommy, I'm really not in the mood for catching up right now. Can we do this another time?"

"Well, it's nice to see you too, stranger," Tommy began, his tone cool, accompanied by a friendly laugh. "I spotted you in the store, and I couldn't help but notice... Well, that you're expecting."

"Yeah, I am. What's it to you?" she snapped. Tommy let out an apologetic huff, and his expression turned serious as he glanced at her belly.

"I get it, you're going through a lot," Tommy said, "but I saw Joel's face back there. He looked shocked, confused, and probably a hundred other things. You can't just leave it like that."

She clenched her fists on the steering wheel, her emotions swirling. "Tommy, I don't owe him an explanation. I don't owe anyone an explanation."

Tommy nodded, his voice gentle. "I understand, but assuming the baby is Joel's, he would surely want to be a part of their life."

She sat there for a moment, torn between her instinct to protect herself and the undeniable truth in Tommy's words. Her gaze remained fixed on the steering wheel, her knuckles white from gripping it so tightly.

Finally, she let out a heavy sigh and turned to face him. "Tommy, I know you mean well, but you don't understand how painful things have been for me. Joel and I... we were never going to work out. We wanted completely different things in life. Now, I have what I want, my baby, and Joel can focus on giving Sarah a better life without me weighing him down."

Tommy reached out and rested a hand on her shoulder, his touch comforting. "I can't pretend to know how you feel, but I do know that this baby changes things. You have a right to make the best decision for yourself and your child. But consider this, not just for Joel, but for you too. Closure, even if it's painful, might be the first step toward healing."

She blinked back tears, and tried her best to keep her emotions at bay afraid of breaking down in the parking lot of the biggest grocery store in town in front of Tommy Miller. The day has already been rough enough.

She finally smirked, cocking her head as she did. "Never thought I'd hear anything like that from you, Tommy." She joked and he laughed along with her.

"I'll think about it." She said finally after a beat of silence.

Tommy gave her a reassuring smile. "That's all I ask. Whenever you're ready, just let me know. And... I never changed my number, so if you can please unblock me from your phone that would be great." They laugh a little again, "You can always call me if you need anything especially for the baby,"

She smiled at Tommy and thanked him before she drove off.

As she arrived home, she parked her car and took a moment to collect her thoughts. Despite Tommy's suggestion, she couldn't bring herself to even think of reaching out to Joel. After all, he made it clear that he never saw her beyond being a girlfriend. She's sure that Joel wouldn't even want anything to do with her and her baby, they can just continue living their own separate lives.

But fate had other plans.

A week later, there was an unexpected knock on her door. She grunted as she struggled to get off the couch. "Just a second!" She called out as she waddled towards the front door.

"I'm so sorry it's taking a while to--" She rambled but cut herself off when she saw Joel standing on her front porch with a black eye.

She blinked in surprise at the sight of Joel, her emotions a tangled mess of shock, confusion, and lingering anger. It had been months since they last spoke, and she hadn't expected to see him on her doorstep.

"What are you doing here, Joel?"

He shifted uncomfortably, avoiding her gaze as he rubbed the back of his neck. "Hey, darlin'," he mumbled, his tone subdued. "Can I come in for a moment?"

"I'm not really in the mood to talk to anybody, Joel," she replied. "Just... go home, or go to the ER or something."

"Please?" He pleaded, and she looked at him, unsure. Finally, and reluctantly, she stepped aside, allowing him entry. As he walked into her living room, she gestured for him to take a seat as she walked down the hall to the kitchen. He looked around as he sat on the couch and took in his surroundings. He smiled to himself as he saw the shelf of records and the countless books in her living room, and the familiar scent of santal and citrus lightly mixed with her perfume. It's all so warm and familiar.

She finally stepped back into the living room, breaking his moment of nostalgia as she handed him both a glass of water and whiskey. "I don't know what you want," she said blankly, and he took both glasses as he muttered a thanks.

"What happened to your face?"

Joel sighed, downing the glass of water before taking a sip of whiskey. "Tommy and I had a disagreement."

She raised an eyebrow, "You boys are always having a disagreement. What is it this time?" The Miller brothers, despite the fact that they'd kill for each other, can also be killing each other with petty arguments.

He hesitated for a moment, then finally met her gaze. "About you. He told me he talked to you and that I should know. I didn't take it well, and things got physical."

"Joel," she let out a sigh and buried her face in her hands. She felt a pang of guilt, realizing that Tommy had probably acted out of concern for both of them.

He nodded, his expression a mix of regret and understanding. "I know we left things on bad terms, and I've had time to think about it. I should've handled it differently, and I'm sorry."

She bit her lip, her heart aching as she looked at the man who had once been her everything. "Joel, I appreciate your apology, but we want different things in life... And now we have it. This isn't necessary."

He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I can't stop thinkin' 'bout you, you know. Ever since that moment at the grocery store and seein' you pregnant... I couldn't help but wonder if... well, I know it's mine. It has to be, right? I wanted so badly to go after you then, but I was too scared to talk to you," he confessed. She listened intently, sitting across from him, nervously chewing on her bottom lip.

Tommy told him about the parking lot conversation and that she had no intentions of ever telling Joel about the baby. He was so hurt, he got mad at Tommy instead for not telling him right away. It was rash, and he was sorry, but he wondered if he could be there for her, for the baby.

"Joel," she began, her tone firm but tinged with sadness, "I appreciate your offer, but I don't want anything from you. I don't want you derailing your plans for me or my baby. It was incredibly difficult to accept that our five-year relationship had no future, and the last thing I want is for you to feel obligated or guilty. I've got this on my own, Joel. This is what I want, and I understand it's not what you want. I can't drag you back into my life; it just wouldn't work."

Joel swallowed hard, his eyes downcast as he processed her words. He knew he had hurt her deeply, and the weight of his actions over the past months was now crashing down on him. He couldn't let this end here, not without trying to make amends.

"Please," he began, his voice shaky. He's on his knees now, kneeling in front of her. "I can't change the past, and I can't take back the hurtful things I said. But please, just hear me out. I've had so much time to think, and I realize how wrong I was. I was scared, and I ran away from my responsibilities, from you. I was a fool, and I'm just so sorry, darlin'."

He reached out, hesitantly placing a hand on her arm, seeking any sign of forgiveness in her eyes. "I don't expect you to welcome me back with open arms, but I want to be there for you and the baby. I'll do whatever it takes to make amends, to earn your trust again."

She met his gaze, her expression softening as she looked into his remorseful eyes. The wounds were still fresh, but she couldn't deny that a part of her had missed him terribly.

"Joel, I need time," she replied, her voice gentler now. "I can't make any promises right now."

Joel nodded, grateful for even a sliver of hope. "Thank you. That's all I ask for."

Next Chapter 👉🏻

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yesimwriting · 8 months

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So, since you gave us some "Stu saying the L word" content 👀...

Could you give us some "Billy saying the L word" content?

A/n wait...i kind of love this

i actually spent an unreasonable amount of time debating scenarios that felt accurate to the way i think billy would say it for the first time lol

----

The corner of your mouth drags down before your lips part. Not even a full second later, your eyebrows pull together sharply. Shock and then concern.

You don't read every night in the same way that Billy doesn't sneak into your room every night. It might not be always but it's enough to have its own routine, enough to practically be expected.

Billy never thought that your reading would particularly matter to him. But it didn't take long to learn that after the first page or two, you lose yourself in your own world fully. He doesn't have to hide or resist the urge to study you.

You turn the page and pull whatever you're using as a bookmark from behind the back cover. He's seen you use things as logical as receipts and as random as hair ties to mark your place. Tonight it's a bright pink square of paper curling at the corners. A sticky note, which is what you normally use when you have something important coming up that you're terrified of committing. He'll check it before leaving in the morning, update himself on whatever essay or extra curricular is weighing on you a little extra these days.

"Good chapter?"

You nod once, more to yourself than to him. "Pretty good," you set the book down on your nightstand, "They brought back a plot point they hadn't mentioned since the first few chapters in a total plot twist."

Billy nods, "Cool."

It's not much, but you don't need a lot when it comes to talking about whatever you're reading. A part of him's glad that you're hinting at being on the chattier side tonight. You had been pushed towards moody earlier today. It wasn't anything blatant enough for him to justify asking you about it, but it did tug at his chest a little. Nothing too sappy or strained, just a pinch of discomfort that only bothered him enough to be noticeable. Like the momentary sting of a paper cut.

"Mhm," you hum, letting yourself sink a little deeper into your pillow, "It was a good distraction, I guess."

He turns his head, trying to pick apart the slight pout of your lips. Billy spends more time than he'd ever admit to anyone taking in the details of every look and subconscious gesture, like there's something to decode in the way you pick at your nails or draw your eyebrows together.

At first, the weight he placed on what you were feeling used to make him want to resent you. Even now that he's grown more accustomed to you mattering, sometimes the general concern twists itself into something brutal.

A flare up of that more volatile version of compassion is starting to burn in his chest. Your hair is pulled back loosely and you're in his T-shirt, an older one he doesn't remember you taking. It's one of his looser ones and the collar is partially stretched out so it slides down your shoulder enough to expose most of your collar bone. It makes you look small, fragile.

"Distraction?"

"Long day," your nails pick at the edge of the T-shirt, shifting the fabric higher up your thigh. "Nothing that deep."

Billy resists the urge to roll his eyes. You can keep whatever's bothering you to yourself while you're out because that's different. There are social pressures and prying ears. But now it's just you and him. "C'mon."

He hadn't seen the signs with his mother before it was too late. In the aftermath, it all became clear. She went from telling him each feeling, from expressing the kind of trust that only comes from a bond that can't be recreated to quiet before she left. Closed off and tired.

Your eyes squint slightly. "Tell me." He tries to keep it light, earnest and curious in the way that any good boyfriend should be, but he can feel the strain in his throat. And even worse, he can see the way you note it.

Billy lifts an arm, gently bumping his fist into your arm in an attempt to make things feel easy again. It works, a hint of a smile tugging at your lips as you let out a partial laugh. "Please?"

"It's stupid," you mumble, and for a second Billy thinks you might be blowing him off, "Just that we got our math quizzes back today and I did so bad, and not bad in a 'oh I didn't get the grade I wanted' way. Like bad bad, and the quiz was based on what our test is going to be on and I just--I don't get it no matter how much I study. And Chris Peterson sits behind me and he saw my grade and he's being such a smug asshole about it."

For a second, all he can focus on is trying to put a face to a name that feels like it should be familiar. Is Chris Peterson that football player that likes to trip freshmen that get too close to him in the lunch line? Or is Chris Peterson the kid with a retired wall street hotshot dad that never shuts up about his contacts in the city? Or someone else entirely? Billy decides that it doesn't matter, if he's bad enough to get you to call him a smug asshole then he has to be an openly terrible person?

His fingertips brush against your bent knee, a gesture that has you relaxing against him. The reaction anchors him to the present. "What did smug asshole Chris Peterson do?"

You sigh, pushing yourself to sit up. "Ugh." You take Billy's hand, squeezing his palm. "He's always been kind of annoying, making comments about me keeping up and how I'm lucky I'm pretty." Billy feels the admission like a punch to the chest. How long has this been going on? Why didn't you tell him earlier? "But today--he saw my quiz and very loudly made a joke about how he's just so willing to teach me something and that he could help me with cherry picking, too."

Billy's surprised by how tightly you're squeezing his fingers. The feeling is the one thing keeping him from getting too caught up in imagining what it'd be like to find Chris Peterson and give him a call with Stu. It'd be so easy. "It's stupid, I know, but--"

"Not stupid." His voice is low, a soft whisper he's didn't think would successfully cut you off. You have a habit of shrinking in on yourself for the sake of others, something Billy would find incredibly performative on anyone else.

You smile, a gentle tug at the corner of your lips. "Thanks."

He turns over his hand without taking it from you. "Want me to beat him up?"

You let out a small laugh. "Yeah, I think he needs it." Carefully, the nail of your pointer finger traces down the line of his palm. With no warning, you tense. Billy watches you carefully, noting the slight crease between your eyebrows. "Billy." He freezes, thinking through everything he's said to you. Maybe something slipped out while he was imagining taking his time tearing Chris Peterson into pieces. You lift his hand, twisting his wrist so that he has to look at his palm. "You didn't say anything."

He blinks, finally noticing what you're referencing. A cut against the side of his palm that's deeper near his fingers than it is at the edge of his hand. A byproduct of a fishing hook incident while out on the water with his dad. Sure, it hurt at first but majority of the cut was shallow and no part of it was heavy enough to warrant stitches. His dad had pressed a rag against it for a minute longer than necessary to stop the bleeding and that was that.

But the tone you're using to scold him makes it seem like he forgot to mention that he lost a limb. He fights against a smile. "What? It's a cut?"

You glare. "It's a...wound." You set his hand down on your leg gingerly. "And I was squeezing your hand." The sentence is gasped out like you just realized you've committed some terrible crime. "I'm--"

"It's fine." And it is, he hadn't even registered the cut in relation to you.

You're not accepting that response, bending his wrist to get a better look at the scratch. "What happened?" Before he can answer, you're moving on to another question, "Did you even clean it?"

Another thing that he doesn't get to respond to. You push him off you gently, mumbling something about infections as you disappear into the bathroom. In less than a minute you're back, cradling supplies in your arms.

"It's not a big deal." There's no point in saying anything about it, you've already made up your mind. "On my last fishing trip, a hook snagged me."

Billy watches as you climb back into bed, crossing your legs beneath you. "Doesn't make me feel any better." He sighs as you take your time settling his hand against his lap.

As you start to dab around the redness, the moment hits Billy square in the chest. You're fully attentive of him, eyes locked on the scratch, a slight pout on your lips. "You're lucky you don't have tetanus."

Heat is starting to crawl up his face. There's some kind of joke he should make, a comment about how dramatic you are or that he can't remember you completing a medical degree. Instead, all he can get out is a painful, "It was a new hook."

You look up long enough to throw another glare in his direction. Billy knows you're trying to be serious, a little threatening, but like usual, it just makes that unsettling fondness burn even hotter than usual. He swallows down the feeling like bile. His father's voice pushes itself into his head, ramblings of what it means to care about someone...the weakness that comes from love.

Oh. The thought stings. He winces as you dab a glob of Neosporin onto the broken skin.

"Sorry." You mean it, your voice a soft hiss like you share his hurt.

An antsy-ness he's not used to makes something beneath his skin crawl. "Fine," he manages, "It's fine."

For a second, he thinks you notice. You're so good at reading him that sometimes Billy has to remind himself to not hold it against you. you don't mention the hard way he forced out his words or give any indication that you think anything's weird. You're too good at that, too, at knowing when he can handle being called out and when to act like nothing's changed.

You let go of his hand, keeping the back of his palm on your leg. Your hand reaches for a rectangular box that you dropped onto your bed when you sat down. Band-aids.

"Uh--I thought I had some neutral ones, but all I have left are my colorful ones." He runs through your sentence, taking his time reading your tone. Are you pretending not to notice or did you actually miss it? The not knowing paired with his recent realization make his stomach feel hard. "I promise not to give you a pink one."

He should tell you that he doesn't need a band-aid. He's not a child that needs coddling and he's definitely not some love sick little kid that lets you do whatever you want. Instead, all that comes out is, "You can pick the color."

You grin, shaking the box as you rifle through your options. "I could be really mean right now." You sound so happy, it makes the stabbing feeling in chest worth it.

After a second of searching, you make your final selection, peeling back the thin paper and gently pressing the band-aid in place. He looks at his hand as you smooth down the edge of the band-aid. "Purple?"

You nod, clearly content with your choice. "You have a purple vibe."

He bends his fingers, trapping yours against his palm. "A purple vibe?"

"Yeah," you push against his fingers with no real intention of trying to escape, "Like--I can't put it into words, but it's--it's a good thing, promise."

Billy tilts his chin down in what's meant to be a brief nod. You press your fingertips into his palm. It's supposed to be some kind of play fighting, but even that is overwhelmingly gentle. "What're you thinking about?"

He presses his lips together, "Nothing."

You look at him, openly pouting. Before he can call you out on it, you let out a sigh and let your body lean forward until your forehead lands against his arm.

"Nothing," you repeat it into his shirt, dropping your voice an octave to make fun of him.

"You're dramatic," he whispers it without any bite.

You let out an annoyed huff, and Billy lifts his still free hand to smooth your hair. The two of you sit there like that until you break the comfortable understanding by lifting your head off his shoulder just enough to look at him.

"C'mon," you're openly trying again, which is rare. Maybe he does seem off. "You made me tell you."

"Hm..." He makes a show of wrinkling his nose, "I don't think I made you."

You sit up a little straighter, forcing Billy's hand to slide onto your shoulder. You lift your freehand to bump a fist against his forearm. "Please?"

"You," the admission leaves a bitter taste in his mouth.

Your eyebrows draw together, but the look behind your eyes is warm. "I don't want to pry--"

"Since when?"

You move your hand to flick the back of your wrist. "About me good or about me bad?"

He swallows, unsure of what the right answer is. What the true answer is. The question twists in his head, burrowing itself somewhere heavy and easily frustrated. You're looking at him too, expression welcoming and kind and--"I love you."

You blink. Did you hear him...correctly? There's no way you did, because Billy's not the kind of person to say things like that and especially not so suddenly. It'd make a lot more sense for you to have just misheard him...but Billy's being quiet, and he's going out of his way to avoid meeting your gaze. There's a tension in the way he's sitting now that doesn't fit him.

"You..." Heat is rising to your face and you're not sure how you're supposed to get any response out. "You love me?"

His eyes focus on something just past your shoulder, "Good or bad, guess it's up to you."

Your eyes go round, the wave of emotion hitting you with no warning, "How could it be bad?" Warmth settles in Billy's chest. Your voice is so genuine. You sit up a little straighter, grinning, "You love me."

He tilts his head down, fighting an eye roll. "I can take it back."

"No you can't," you shake your head, smile growing, "Because you love me." It's a joke, you're trying to tease him, but it's true. He's given you a way to tear him apart from the inside out. Once it's out, it's out, a large open spot of vulnerability he's trusting you not to use against him. "Don't worry, I can't be too mean about it." He doesn't know where you're going with this, "I love you, too, so..."

Billy takes a deep breath. Your words take their time washing over him. Relief loosens the knot in his stomach enough to let him think through your admission. It helps, but he's not sure if he believes it fully.

He leans towards you, so close your foreheads are almost touching. "You love me?"

"Yeah," you admit, voice low and a little shyer, "Kinda a lot."

He can feel the admiration in your expression, the honesty. Heat crawls up his neck. "Kind of?" You back up slightly, eyebrows pulling together in a sarcastic expression. Before you can respond with some kind of joke telling him to watch his ego, Billy closes the distance between the two of you.

#scream x reader #ask #scream 1996 #billy loomis x reader #ghostface x reader

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snazzilystoopid · 8 months

Text

Hello there, fellow Ninjago fan....

I wonder, are you looking for Ninjago fics to read..?

WELL GOOD NEWS I'M HERE WITH A LIST OF AMAZING FICS FROM QUOTEV JUST FOR YOU!! <33

List is below heheh

Also just real quick: Some of these fics are not updated often/not updated anymore! These are all fem readers/ocs, but if they are gn or male I'll lyk. These are also catered to Cole lovers (ofc) but there are some other pretty good ones too!!

Dandelions~ Lloyd x Reader

https://www.quotev.com/story/15255742/dandelions-LloydG-x-reader

This is a reader insert, and I think is a gn reader if I recall. I haven't read it in a while, but I do remember really enjoying it! It's rarely updated, and has under 100 pages currently, but it's worth the read. Promise!

Element of Wishes~ OC

https://www.quotev.com/story/15032547/ELEMENT-OF-WISHES-LEGO-Ninjago

I LOVE THIS FIC SMM!! This is an OC fic, following the story of an elemental master of wishes, who also just so happens to be half-djinn! It currently has over 200 pages as well. You read through the events of Ninjago as normal, but also get to read interesting parts about the mc's own personal quest to find answers! SKYLOR ALSO PLAYS A BIG ROLE IN IT AND I LOVE THAT SM (Most of s1 has been skipped though). Cole is the current love interest, the author can sometimes leave updating for like 4 months lmao, but they have started updating regularly again! One of my all-time favourite fics! I'M CURRENTLY READING IT RN AND I LOVE ITTT

The Master of Wind~ OC

https://www.quotev.com/story/7985682/The-Master-of-Wind

I another one I haven't read for a bit, but let me tell you: I LOVED THIS BOOK WITH A BURNING PASSION OMG. Its also pretty long, with like 900 pages lol. I generally love the concept of a master of wind, more so because I love Morro, but anyways, this book is spectacular. The love interest is Lloyd, and its a bit of a slow burn, but its worth it. Sadly it hasn't been updated for 3 months now, but I am hopeful that the author will update it soon!

Just An Illusion~ Reader Insert

https://www.quotev.com/story/14405232/Just-an-Illusion

Another short-ish book with under 100 pages, but I really loved this one!! The fic begins at the Tournament of Elements, and I don't think there is a current love interest. But seriously the way I read and reread this book is acc insane 😭 The fic unfortunately has been left for 8 months as I think the author is taking a break, but I'm pretty confident that Just an Illusion will continue!

Stoneheart~ OC

https://www.quotev.com/story/14081498/Stoneheart-Ninjago-Masters-of-Spinjitzu

THIS BOOK WAS AMAZING. I LOVE LOVE LOVE IT. The fic follows the story of an OC, who isn't from Ninjago, and who ends up joining the Ninja. Another MASSIVE book with over 800 pages and chock-full with a bunch of amazing original characters, and you're in for a good ride, trust me! I don't think there is a definite love interest, but it does seem to be leaning towards a certain character hehe (and no its not Cole unfortunately). Its being updated regularly-ish and I promise you will NOT regret reading it!

The Infinite Series~ Reader Insert

https://www.quotev.com/story/14276031/Infinite-Serenity-INFINITE-SERIES-BOOK-1

Another fic I enjoyed, this tells the story of the reader who died and had been reincarnated into a show from their childhood, LEGO Ninjago (obviously lol). There are two books in the series, the first one is linked above and you should be able to find the second one from there. I don't remember if there was a love interest or not but I do remember that the mc's personal story is really cool and so so creative! Book 1 had around 400 words and book 2 has like 300, however it hasn't been updated in 7 months 💔 still worth the read!

The Last~ Reader Insert

https://www.quotev.com/story/10806407/The-Last-LEGO-Ninjago-Masters-of-Spinjitzu-X-Reader

THE LAST. I LOVED THE LAST SO MUCH OMG. IM JUST SO SAD IT HASN'T BEEN UPDATED SINCE 2021 😭💔. This book is a Reader insert, where the mc is the last of their species, and joins the Ninja team, though I don't remember if there was a love interest or not, you'll have to read to find out because I really don't remember haha. Though the book has just over 100 pages, there aren't many chapters, and I don't think it's past s1 yet. Its still a good read, however, and I think a lot of you guys would like it!

The Colour of Hope & The Race Against Time~ OC

https://www.quotev.com/story/15708101/Ninjago-The-Color-of-Hope

THIS FIC IS EPIC. ITS AMAZING. It follows the story of a girl who becomes a target for a mysterious gang, and ends up in the care and protection of none other than the Ninja! (The Colour of Hope takes place between Day of the Departed and s7). The love interest is Cole, and the writing as absolutely phenomenal! This is a series, and the first book is linked above. The next book has only recently been made, so I have the upmost confidence that it'll be regularly updated, since the first one was too! Book 1 had around 250 pages I think. I PROMISE. You will wanna read it.

The Indigo and Black Series~ OC(s)

https://www.quotev.com/story/11634295/Indigo-and-Black-Pilots-Rise-of-the-Snakes-and-Destiny-of-the-Green-Ninja

I ENJOYED THIS BOOK SO MUCH! This follows the tale of not 1, but 2 mcs who are both OCs! One is the master of Time, the other, the master of Forces + Shadows. A Three-part series with 3 books, and the love interests are Cole and Kai! (Sorry Kailor fans 😭) The last book was updated around 6 months ago, but I did some digging and turns out the authors are still working on the next book, so I hope it comes out soon!

Kiss Me Baby~ Reader Insert

https://www.quotev.com/story/14954138/Kiss-Me-Baby-Ninjago

Suprisingly, this is actually a fic based on the universe of the Ninjago Movie, and I really enjoyed it! The reader is a confident teen who joins Ninjago High, but is secretly the mystery person who managed to get Lord Garmadon into prison, putting a stop to all his attacks on Ninjago City. A short book with under 100 pages, but it is also going through a rewrite if I recall. No definite love interest, but there is an implied one (once again, *sigh* it isn't Cole). Also, just throwing it out there, I was awake at like 4am reading this 😭

The Truth~ OC

https://www.quotev.com/story/9767787/The-Truth

THIS BOOK WAS LEGENDARY. I REREAD IT ALL THE TIME OML I LOVED IT. This book is all about a girl who somehow knows every member of the Ninja, though they don't actually remember her themselves. It begins at the Tournament of Elements, and runs right up to March of the Oni, where it has stopped being updated for quite a few months now 💔. The love interest is Cole, and honestly can I just say, this book was written SO WELL. Like I wish I could write like that 😭😭

Aaaaand that is all! If I DID have to pick my top 3, it would be as follows:

1ST~The Truth

2ND~Element of Wishes

3RD~ The Colour of Hope & The Race Against Time

I personally think these ones were/are the most engaging and exciting! I'm not saying the others were bad though. You'll wanna read them all. Trust me.

I hope yall enjoy these fics! <33

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taestefully-in-luv · 1 year

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Our Time | JJK (Five)

Summary: After an accident and being in a coma for three months, you finally wake. But the last nine years of your life have been completely erased. You rely on none other than your best friend, Jungkook, to help regain your memories and yourself. But what happens when the truth of your missing time starts unraveling and it isn’t all it’s made out to be?

Pairing: Jungkook x Fem Reader (Detective!Jk x Graphic Designer!OC) side pairing: Seokjin x Reader

Genre: crime au, fluff, heavy angst, smut, romance, darker themes, amnesia au. Best friends to ???

Word Count: 12.2k

Warnings: swearing, frustrations of amnesia, mentions of alcohol, lots of panicking, crying from multiple characters, mentions of death, mentions of vomit multiple times, feelings of betrayal and anger and sadness, next warning is a major spoiler: confirmed kidnapping of jk & ocs c h i l d blah blah blah for those who don't want spoilers and don't need warnings lol

a/n: only one more chapter until the introduction of this story is complete. And then the true plot will begin. 🤭please let me know what you think! Send an ask if you want to be added to the taglist or just want to chat :]

Previous --- Next

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You remember when you and Jungkook truly became friends.

You had never struggled to make friends. You naturally lured people in with your energy, maybe even your charm as a person. But after spending a month in Seoul already, you had never felt more out of place and out of your element. Every face you came across was the face of a stranger. It was like you were sitting in front of a TV screen and watching a crowd of people who didn’t matter to the plot of the movie. Just there. Living a life that had nothing to do with you.

And you were the same to them.

You had only had maybe two conversations with your roommate in the small dorm. The first conversation was hardly even an introduction and the second one was her asking you if it was cool that she would sneak her boyfriend in every now and then. You didn’t mind. But you thought it meant you all would become friends but that proved to be untrue.

The first week of classes, you realized many of your classmates are already friends or the ones who barely spoke were focused on their studies. That leaves you, someone with no friends and someone who isn’t that focused on school the way others were, feeling completely alone.

The Friday night after the first week of classes was supposed to be a night of partying with your new friends and the new independent life as a new adult. But instead you wandered around aimlessly, lost and lonely. You didn’t really want to spend the first weekend as a college student in your dorm but where exactly were you going to go? Well, you decided to stick to campus and ended up browsing the library.

A book to demolish during the weekend didn’t sound so bad, now did it?

When you were in the library, your eyes darted around, for no particular reason but hey, maybe something would stick out to you. And something did.

Or more like someone.

Your eyes grew twice their size when you spotted someone familiar. And goodness, nothing felt better than seeing something familiar in this new world.

You walked up to a table that sat at least six people but you stared with excited eyes at the only person occupying the space.

“Frog boy?” You had blurted in pure happy rage.

The frog boy in question kept his eyes on the book in his hands, only releasing a long sigh before lifting his eyes to you and cocking a brow.

“You’ve known me almost your entire life and you don’t even know my name?”

You had seen the playful glint in his eyes when he met your gaze.

You rolled yours, “Fine. Jungkook. Or you know, Ribbit.”

You hadn’t felt this excited and relieved since moving to Seoul. (Kind of.) (It’s not like you two were ever friends.) But that was about to change. Oh yes, that was going to change.

Whether your little frog boy, Jungkook, likes it or not.

“Do you go here too?!” You had asked him.

He only sighed again, looking back down at his book before answering with an unbothered nonchalance, “Nah.” And then he raised the book up, showing it to you with a straight face. “I came all the way to Seoul because only this library has…” He looked at the cover, “A freshman course Literature book.”

“Oh.” You nodded in understanding, equally straight face.

Jungkook narrowed his eyes at you, “You realize I’m joking, right?”

“That would make sense.” You nodded again, pulling out a chair across from him and taking a seat. “So we both go here. That’s great. We’re friends now.”

“Friends?”

“Unless you’re still too shy.” You remember how you challenged him.

But Jungkook raised another brow, “Am I still eight years old to you?”

“Maybe.” You had laughed before mocking. “When I see your face, I keep imagining it like,” You had scrunched up your features, pretending to cry while shaking your shirt. “A…a…a…a…a…f-frog!”

You remember how he laughed.

His laugh was pure, genuine and contagious. You remember how you joined him and it’s like the past lonely month you had spent in Seoul didn’t exist anymore.

You two would start meeting up once a week at the library. Very casual. He would try to study and you would talk his head off. Jungkook never once complained. You remember looking forward to your weekly hang outs and you had hoped he felt the same.

Jungkook obviously knew you were itching for more.

He looked over a textbook that he wasn’t paying any attention to and said, “You know we can hang out more than once a week, right?”

You basically had jumped out of your chair, cleaning up around you when you said, “Perfect. Let’s go to a party that my roommate told me about but didn’t invite me to.”

“A party?”

“A party.” You nodded.

Jungkook eyed you for a moment, looking hesitant. “I didn’t intend to party though.”

“Come on. We’re in this together.” You fluttered your lashes at him, trying your best to look convincing but he only huffed out an annoyed breath before giving in.

It was your first college frat party. Jungkook’s too.

It was also the first time you got super drunk. Jungkook too.

You two had really opened up and bonded this night. You realized Jungkook definitely wasn’t the shy boy you remember as a kid—that makes sense. You told stories and ended up in your own world. It was a lot of fun and you knew college in Seoul wasn’t going to be so lonely after all.

You remember by the end of the night when you two were walking, completely intoxicated, back to the dorms when you convinced him to just crash at your place. It was risky, trying to sneak him in, but it worked. You both stumbled inside, drunk off your asses when Jungkook claimed he didn’t feel good.

“Don’t throw up.” You remember warning him. “Or I’ll throw up too.”

“If I throw up,” He gulped anxiously, “I’d hope you would too. Didn’t you say we’re in this together?”

“D-Don’t even think about it.” You swallowed down your own drunken nausea.

And then he did throw up.

And then you did too.

Naturally, you were inseparable after this.

Weekly hang outs turned almost daily. You would talk to him like any other close friend and he would do the same. It felt good and natural and like you two had been friends since the day you shoved a frog down his shirt. And that first winter break, you two traveled home to Busan together, surprising your parents because after all these years of being neighbors, you were finally friends.

You two had convinced your parents to have a joint cook out and you remember how afterwards, you and Jungkook laid on the hood of his car, looking up at the stars and talking about life. You remember how you asked him what he envisioned for his future.

He glanced at you, eyes lingering on your face for several long moments before he narrowed them, “We’re on vacation and you’re asking me to think about my future?”

You both laughed.

“I don’t know if what I’m currently in school for is something I actually want to do with my life. I’m hoping I’ll get inspired and suddenly know what it is I have to do.” He had finally answered.

You remember understanding his words, the feeling resonating with you. “Me too.”

You remember turning your body towards his and smiling, “Have I told you how glad I am to have seen you at the library and I forced my friendship on you?”

He had snorted, turning his own body towards you as well. The moonlight hitting his face, illuminating his features just right. He almost looked straight out of a dream. “You didn’t force your friendship on me.”

It was your turn to snort. “Liar.”

He stared at you for a moment, teasing smile pulling at his lips when he began drumming his fingers against the metal hood of his car. “And why would I ever lie to you?”

You remember the vibration you felt beneath your body when each of his fingers landed on the metal with a rhythmic beat. You remember the sound like a melody and his words were the lyrics.

You remember how it felt when he basically sang his silent promise to you.

“Yeah, you’d never lie to me, right?” You had teased back but there was a quiet and genuine conversation happening beneath the teasing.

“Never.” He told you. And you believed him.

And you should still believe him, right?

But Misuk’s words are repeating relentlessly in your mind, ‘Closest. She hasn’t spoken one fucking word to you in two years. But right, closest.’

You want to have confidence in Jungkook because you should. But his silence after her words feels like cold, quick spider legs are racing up your spine, creating a chilling uneasiness and a spasm of worry and discomfort crosses over your face. You’ve never liked spiders.

What does Misuk mean by that? Why would she say that? There is no way you wouldn’t talk to your husband for two years. There must be some kind of misunderstanding. But your body remains stuck to the wall like you’ve been superglued and you’re afraid the moment you peel yourself away, your skin will be ripped off your bones.

You know there has to be some kind of explanation because her words don’t directly translate to you and Jungkook not actually speaking for two years but your brain sends signals throughout your body that you have every right to be as anxious as you feel.

Because your brain knows more than it’s letting on. Your brain holds all the mysteries that it doesn’t want to show you. And your body listens to the signals it sends.

“Be worried.” They say.

But no matter if your skin separates from you and becomes a part of the wall in your kitchen…you have to go out there and get some kind of answer. Because you can’t handle for one more thing in your life to not make sense.

You tell your shaking legs to walk.

Even while you feel imprisoned by fear, they move. Your body turning the corner of the kitchen wall, water still running in the background, as you make your presence known.

Jungkook and Misuk’s heads turn towards you when they feel you. And they mirror one another’s expressions. Watching you in numbed horror.

“y/n…” Misuk says your name, blood draining from her face but you can tell she’s trying to look normal. “Hey.”

“What do you mean?” You’re surprised you have a voice. “Why did you say that?”

Jungkook’s mouth falls open, panicked eyes boring into your face. But he doesn’t speak.

They quickly glance at one another, an understanding that you’ve heard their conversation and you see how Jungkook’s expression twists into one of anger before he looks completely ashamed when he meets your eye again.

“What’s going on?” Your feet take you closer, your brain sending the signals without you telling it to. Your brain must be making fun of you. Mocking you. Wanting you to find things out when it already has the answers. Like it’s playing some game. “Why did Misuk say that? Why are you two on bad terms? Why,” You’re walking faster, getting closer as adrenaline starts running through your veins, your mouth unable to stop speaking.

“I asked what’s going on.” You stop in front of them, “Why—why did Misuk say that? Why are you both quiet now? Why can’t you answer me? Why are you looking at me like that?” You can’t stop the questions from spilling out of your mouth, eyes going frantically between Jungkook and Misuk. “W-Why aren’t you answering? Why are you doing—why are you doing this to me? Why are you making me feel this way? Why—why aren’t you—” Your heart is rapid inside your chest, thumping against your ribcage, trying to run away and hide now. “Fucking answer me because I don’t know what the fuck is going on!” Your chest heaves uncomfortably, eyes blown wide as nothing makes sense inside your mind.

Jungkook stares at you, eyes just as wide before he slowly shuts them, his lips sticking together in a tight line, nostrils flaring.

“Nothing…” You quiet your voice, slight tremble when you speak. “Nothing already feels real to me. But marrying my best friend does make sense. But not talking to said husband for two years does not.”

You concentrate on the two in front of you, watching their expressions and reactions to your words carefully. Jungkook looks pissed while Misuk blinks at you with obvious guilt on her entire face.

“Say something!” You yell at them, both of their bodies flinching and your panicked thoughts only grow more wild and out of control. Fear is bursting your veins now. Fear of the unknown. Fear of what is known. The fear that your brain is just hiding something from you that could possibly make you heart crumble and shatter.

“I…I…” Misuk looks around, eyes unable to meet yours anymore while she sets the muffins down onto the table at the front entrance. “I should—should leave.”

Jungkook is quick to throw Misuk an incredulous look, “Are you fucking kidding me?” He spits at her. “You’re the one who opened your fucking mouth and opened this can of worms. And now you want to leave?”

Misuk snaps her head towards Jungkook, glowering eyes on him. “Should I stay? Say everything?”

Jungkook swallows hard and you can see anger spiking his body. “You’re right. You’ve done enough. Just leave. I’ll walk you out.”

“I don’t need you to wa—”

“—Let’s go.” He walks forward, opening the front door as she seethes, walking past him.

You watch in disbelief, brows pinching when you try to stop them. “Where—”

“—Just stay here.” Jungkook tells you, his voice softens when directed towards you. “I’ll only be a minute.”

And just like that, Jungkook and Misuk are out of your house, front door slammed shut.

How could they? How could they leave you here with your anxiety gripping your core and making you feel more lost and estranged in this world all over again.

You stand here, blood pooling into the heels of your feet. A sudden coldness surrounds you and you feel faint. What is going on? What exactly has transpired in these last nine years?

And where the hell is your explanation?

You wish you could shut off your brain. Tell it to stop coming up with ridiculous theories when it knows the truth deep down. It’s just having fun with you at this point.

You don’t think you can master the uneasiness you feel and control it.

Your tense body twitches the moment your front door is opening again and Jungkook is slipping through with downward eyes. You wait anxiously for him to come closer to you and explain that it is not what it seems. But his body language throws you off. It throws off the confidence you’re supposed to have in him.

Jungkook’s bottom lip is caught between his teeth, his own anxiety radiating off his body like heat off a space heater. You want to read him like a book, like a book with an obvious ending. But you can’t. You can’t read him since he is in another language right now.

“Jungkook.” You call for him, trying your best to stay in one piece.

He tries to look up at you but his eyes can’t manage your eyes. Your face. Your body. He can’t manage to feel what he’s feeling but a million times worse when he sees you. He walks closer to you, stopping just a foot in front of you, tense body looking more uncomfortable than what you’re feeling.

“y/n…” He can’t even say your name without his voice cracking, a harsh breath forcing its way out of his mouth while his hands immediately go to his face, fingers rubbing into his skin with a roughness that makes you more worried than before. “Fuck.” He mutters in into his hands.

“Talk to me.” It’s not a suggestion. He knows this. You’re not asking. You’re telling him. You’re telling him to explain why the hell Misuk says that you two are not close and you haven’t spoken in two years.

Jungkook’s hands drag down his face, the color has left him, a growing paleness that makes you think he might faint or puke at any moment. He’s struggling to even look at you.

But he does.

And you see the pain in his eyes.

“I don’t…” He croaks out, breaths uneven. “I don’t know where to start. I don’t know how to—how to explain. I don’t know what to fuck—fucking say.” He finally stares at you, gaze so intense you almost wish he would go back to looking away.

You swallow your nerves, your need for answers stronger than your need for ignorant protection of your feelings. “We’re married. Yet we haven’t spoken in two years. According to Misuk, anyway. Is that true?”

He’s still staring and you’re growing more panicked. Needing an answer now but his silence is telling.

“I asked if that’s true.” You repeat with a colder tone.

Jungkook releases a shaky breath, “It’s half true.”

Your lips twist, “What does that mean? We do talk?”

“No. We aren’t married.” He tells you, voice quiet and eyes ashamed.

You take a step back, confusion growing. “But…but I saw—”

“—We were married.” He clarifies. “But we aren’t…” He closes his eyes for a moment, stopping them from growing wet. “Anymore.”

You take another step back, face hardening as the confusion only triples. “We’re…divorced?” You ask him, but you hate that you even have to ask.

He stays still in his spot, the shame and regret thick in his voice when he answers, “Yeah.”

Your posture suddenly stiffens, letting out a forceful breath but because of the tightness in your chest, breathing is suddenly the hardest task.

You try to fight for optimism but your veins that were once bursting are filling again, but with a deadly acid that poisons your body. It’s running through you, corrupting and decaying any ounce of understanding. You need to breathe but you couldn’t possibly fight for one breath when your insides are turning rotten.

Jungkook finally takes a step forward but your feet carry you away from him, several steps back until you’re against the edge of your sofa.

“y/n…” He says your name but you aren’t sure he deserves to because he…

“Y-You lied to me?” You finally manage to say the one thought that keeps pushing against your raging forehead. “You lied to me? You lied?” You blink at him, “You lied to me, Jungkook? You made me think we…?” You shakily gesture between your bodies, “You let me think…”

“I…” Jungkook’s expression grows desperate. “I didn’t—I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t…if I told you truth it would just…”

“The truth?” You look at him, disappointment in your killer gaze. “You lied to me. You lied—you lied. You would rather lie to me than—”

“—Yes!” He shouts, breathing heavier than before. “It’s one revelation after the other and you can’t handle the…”

Your disappointment, your shock, your betrayal are slowly turning into anger.

“You lied to me.” You say, knowing it’s a fact now. “Why?”

Jungkook’s lips are parted and you’re both waiting for his explanation but it doesn’t come.

“I asked you why, Jungkook.” You feel your body sinking. An unbearable sadness creating a space inside your chest. “Tell me why and maybe…” You want to be reasonable. Maybe he had to or maybe he…no, why would he lie? Why would he lie to you?

“It’s complicated.” Is the answer he settles for and the anger inside you finally snaps. Your body is struck with betrayal.

“Com—complicated?” You ask the word in earnest. “You’re joking, right?”

“y/n…I asked you to always trust—”

“—You’re asking me to trust you after you lied to me?” Your jaw tightens, “Just tell me and we will see if—”

“—No.” He shakes his head, growing paler by the second. “I-I can’t. I really can’t.”

“You can’t tell me? Why?”

“Because I can’t!” He grows exasperated, his eyes blown out. “I fucking can’t. I can’t. I can’t say it. I can’t do that. I c-can’t.” His body gives up on him, shoulders shaking when he falls to his knees and he squeezes his eyes shut. “Don’t make me say—say it. I just can’t.”

You look down at him, your confusion making you turn to anger instead of anything else.

You’re hurt.

But right now, being mad feels easier.

“Please, y/n.” His entire face makes you hurt more. “Please just…”

“Leave.” You say the word quietly. His eyes shoot open and he stares up at you. They’re blood shot and teary. “Please just leave.”

Jungkook tries to stand again, his knees are weak but he tries anyway.

“y/n…”

“Just leave.” You’re the one begging now, “Please just leave. Let me…just let me be right now.” You feel your own eyes grow wet, stinging and burning. Throat tight but you manage to beg him again, “Please just leave.”

Jungkook is trying to speak to you with his eyes and your brain, deep down, seems to understand him but your brain doesn’t want to let you in on this secret. He nods, blinking his eyes when a tear falls and his anxiously wipes it away. “Okay.”

He clearly doesn’t have it in him to fight you on this. Because for whatever reason, he can’t.

~~~

You wonder if this is how you felt when you first got divorced. Or maybe just a similar feeling. Like you’ve been stranded, abandoned and left for dead. Like your body has been drained of all the blood that pumps through you and someone has scooped out your heart and other organs and you’re now just an empty shell and a sorry excuse for a human being.

You might think to yourself that it’s quite dramatic to feel that way but somehow you feel even worse than that.

You haven’t slept and you aren’t even really sure if you’ve even breathed since the news. You’re restless and anxious. You’re angry. You’re sad. And you’re heartbroken. You don’t even know what it must have felt like when you and Jungkook broke it off. What must have went wrong? So wrong that you two would go separate ways and you two wouldn’t speak to one another.

A thought crosses your mind though…Misuk is upset with Jungkook. And she said you haven’t talked to him. She could have meant that you both haven’t spoken to one another in mutual agreement but Misuk’s hostility and choice of words have you believing different.

So what exactly happened? And why does Jungkook refuse to explain it to you?

You can’t imagine a world where he would betray you so badly that you’d divorce him and never speak again. But again, it’s been nine years. People do change. But you felt it in your bones…the happiness that coursed through his body when he was with you. You could feel how much he loves you. So then, what?

You touch the screen of your phone that rests by your thigh on the sofa, the light is bright and blinding but you catch the time on the screen. It’s after 6 am already. Your mind working in overdrive to come to some sort of conclusion. But you realize you aren’t considering everything.

You cannot be blind to the world around you.

Your parents must know you’re divorced but why are they so willing to agree to your marriage? Why did they only seem happy? Why do they still love Jungkook despite that you’re divorced now? They still trust him, that is obvious.

But Misuk doesn’t. And Subin seems to be on the rocks but she doesn’t seem totally against him either. In fact, you overheard her in the café. She said they don’t know everything. You remember that being strange. Know what?

But in the end, you need to consider Jungkook the most.

You two are apparently not together. And you two aren’t on speaking terms.

Then…is his apartment really his apartment? Suddenly, you feel even more lifeless at the thought. You can’t imagine the Jungkook you’ve always known…someone warm, cozy and tidy…living in that place. The countless bottles of alcohol, the little to no food, the stale air and even a hole in the wall that resembles too closely to the size of his fist.

You also need to consider his reaction to everything as well.

You know in your heart of hearts…how off and conflicted he’s been since the beginning. You also know how hard things must have been for him as well. But you can’t help but still feel hurt, angry and bitter at the fact that he easily lied to you and kept up a façade about something you dreamed of. Making you feel like a fool for being so openly happy with him. When it wasn’t the truth.

And maybe you are a fool.

A fool because 33 year old you might have the resolve to never speak to Jungkook but you, the you that exists now, doesn’t. And your brain is calling you a fool. Because it’s just a game for your brain. Your brain that hides all the answers and the truth. While you sit here completely clueless.

Clueless…

Clue…less…

Clue…?

Have there been any clues? Clues to the truth that you’ve missed?

Think. You need to think.

You sit forward on your couch, elbows on your thighs while your head falls into your hands.

You have to think. What are you missing that could—

The attic.

Your body moves quickly, suddenly standing from the couch when your head snaps towards the direction of the hallway. The attic…he hid your life away in the attic. You returned his keys to him—obviously—but you don’t think you locked it back up. Unless Jungkook went out of your sight to make sure it was locked again…then it should be unlocked and waiting for you to reveal your life.

Your heart has seemed to return back inside your chest, racing wildly and uncontrollably, making you feel dizzy. You just have to take the first step in the attic’s direction and you could possibly uncover more.

But you don’t move. Why? Why is it that you’re desperate for answers but your feet stay glued to the wooden floors?

Fear has made you its prisoner once again.

But you need to release the shackles, break free and run out. Run far away from this thing that’s jailing you. Ignorance isn’t something you associate yourself with and you won’t start now.

Determined, though afraid, you take the first step. Then another. And another. Feet heavy with each step but you take them. You’re you. You will always walk towards the right thing. Even when others disagree…you know, the right thing is the truth. Because you will not be ignorant.

You make it inside the mostly empty guest bedroom. It’s almost hotel like, no personal touch can be seen. For the first time, you feel odd being inside here. But not odd in the way that feels uncomfortable. But odd because it’s familiar. You take a moment, hand lifted towards the bedroom wall, flipping the light switch before your fingers lightly brush against the wall.

The paint in here is newer than the painted walls in the rest of the house.

A weird feeling accompanies your touch.

But once your eyes land on the ladder you placed against the wall, you’re quick to shake off any other feelings before grabbing it, lifting it and taking it out into the hallway and setting it up underneath the attic door before you groan in realization that you don’t even need it.

If it’s unlocked then you only have to pull the string and it should open.

And hopefully that’s the case.

You slide the ladder off to the side, deciding you’ll put it away again when you’re finished. You stare up at the ceiling, eyes on the dangling string and you know what you must do. You have to fight off this hesitance, this fear and walk towards the truth that tries so desperately to hide from you. Okay. Deep breath. Any breath at this point. You reach up, fingers wrapped around the string tightly before you give it a tug.

Your eyes expand when the door cracks open, clearly not enough pull to open it fully.

It’s unlocked.

Heart still racing, blood rushing and insides twisting. You pull again. Harder. And the door opens and the wooden staircase comes down and you unfold it to its full length. All you have to do is go up these steps and search through the physical evidence of your life. The boxes.

Your breaths are bated with each step you take that take you into the hole in the ceiling. The darkness feels consuming and you feel the chill wrap around your body the moment you enter inside. Walking further, you find the light and now a soft yellow makes the room glow.

The boxes glare at you. Challenging you. ‘go ahead, open me.’ They whisper tauntingly. You glance around, feeling a chill at all the cob webs and no doubt, spider webs in the dark corners of the attic.

Fingers brush against the top of a few boxes, dust left on your fingertips, quickly wiping it off on your pants before you pry the first box open. It’s the same first box you opened last time…loose papers, notebooks, random sticky notes with words that make zero sense to you. You grab one notebook, open it and read the first page.

Jeez, your hand writing is messy.

Kim Joo Won > only Wednesdays and Fridays

Geum Jan Di > Mon-Fri

Cha Do Hyun > Tues-fri

Park Hae Yeoung > Tues and Thurs only

Lee Min Ho > Mon-fri

Park Jiyoo > Thurs and Friday was off the Friday…see where he was. Confirmed out of town since Wednesday

You keep reading over the paper but you don’t understand what you’re reading. Your confusion grows…why do you have a list of people and days of the week connected to their names?

You turn the page and there’s a list of times now. Ranging from morning to the evening. With each persons name linked somewhere with a time of…are these work hours? Clock in and clock out times?

You turn the page again but you can’t read your handwriting. Many words are scribbled out.

You decide to close the notebook and set it back inside the box. You grab another notebook, opening it to a random page when you notice different pictures of people taped to the paper. Men and women with their names written next to them. Your eyes go wide. You see the name Lee Jaesung written next to a photo of a man you’re sure you recognize.

It’s the man from the super market.

Next to his name is more scribbled words.

Lee Jaesung > Knows nothing.

And next to his picture and the words are pen scribbles that look done out of frustration.

What the hell is this? Why is the guy from the market inside this notebook with a bunch of other people?

You close the notebook, placing it inside again while you ignore this eerie feeling.

You push the box away and open another one. It’s the box with old clothes you had seen last time as well. You must have been wanting to donate them or something. You’re about to close the box when something catches your eye. On a piece of folded fabric beneath other articles of clothing, your eyes catch something that throws you off. A small patch of a cutesy koala clearly ironed onto the fabric. Your fingers go to touch it, curious about it for some odd reason. You pick at the little koala, the corners lifting off the fabric and you realize it might have been there a while and it’s starting to peel off.

It's cute, you think.

You decide to look at your shirt in whole, hands suddenly digging it out of the box, unfolding the shirt when your heart stops. Face completely focused on what you’re holding and you can’t seem to shake off the feeling that consumes you. Your confusion grows.

The shirt is small. Too small to be yours.

Suddenly, your skin feels cold and clammy. Your brows pull so close together, dropping the shirt to the ground when your hands go back inside the box. You pull out more of the clothing. Clothing you are now realizing is not fit for an adult. Tiny shirts, tiny pants. You drop all of the random articles to the ground and at the very bottom of the box…tiny shoes.

These are clothes for children.

Boys clothes.

Your fingers grab at the clothes frantically, your breaths growing heavier and heavier.

What is this? Why do you have this?

You abandon the box, heart racing even faster as you make your way towards the other side of the attic where you found the box that held your old wedding photo. You need to breathe, you remind yourself. You’re no good if you pass out from lack of oxygen filling your lungs.

But something haunting is crawling creepily over your skin.

You swallow hard, hands rubbing against your arms as if trying to brush away the spiders that must be crawling all over you with their millions of legs. But you only feel the unwanted goosebumps infecting your skin.

Once again hesitant…you stare at the box that’s half open. The box that held the photo.

You slowly reach for the left flap, lifting it and giving yourself a full view of the rest of the box. There’s more frames and you wonder if you can handle seeing more pictures of you and Jungkook living a life you don’t know of.

You gather your resolve, taking a shaky breath before reaching inside.

It’s a framed photo of you, Jungkook and your parents. You set it to the side before reaching in again. Framed photo of you and Jungkook at that park. A framed photo of you, Jungkook, Misuk, Subin and people you don’t recognize at a long dinner table. A framed photo of you and a group of people you don’t know holding up a ‘congrats on the promotion’ sign.

Your hands shake, seeing yourself in all of these scenarios you don’t recall.

Reaching the end of the box, you see one last photo of you and Jungkook wearing headbands that say ‘2017’ while sharing a kiss.

You need to breathe. No matter how overwhelming this is…you need to breathe.

You organize the photos back inside the box before pushing it away and opening another one. A really dusty one. You notice this box is taped closed and you struggle with peeling the tape back and getting it open. But once it is, you slowly open the flaps and reveal what is inside.

Again, your heart is aggressively throwing itself against your chest.

You are confused again. Slowly dipping your hands inside, you pull out a toy car. You bring it closer to you, inspecting the toy. A stabbing pain hits you relentlessly in your lower stomach. You carefully set it down before digging inside the box again, this time pulling out a zoo animals Lego set box. You don’t like this. Your brain is sending signals through your body again. You aren’t supposed to like this. Your brain is warning you.

You swallow even harder, your throat feeling tight and dry.

You reach inside the box again and pull out a plastic robot, maybe around 6 inches in height. It looks like the most used toy so far…scratches across the plastic and even a missing hand. You turn it around, twisting it to look more carefully when you notice something written on the bottom of the foot with faded marker.

Haru.

It spells the name Haru.

Who is Haru?

Your breaths won’t even out and relax. Who is Haru? You bring the toy close to your chest, gripping it tightly but your fingers are feeling weaker and weaker.

You know this toy. You think you do, anyway. It’s the first item in any box that feels familiar to you. And you aren’t sure what to feel about that.

Your lips are drying and even when you poke your tongue out to lick them, it doesn’t help. They continue to dry with an intensity that has you mistaking this cold air for the dessert.

You place the robot back into the box, closing it softly before turning towards another box.

You have to keep going.

Even though you aren’t sure how you will survive the rest of your searching.

Your chest aches. A physical pain from the pounding of your heart.

You reach for another box, sliding it towards you but it’s heavy. Heavy like the box that held photos. You get it opened and your breath hitches the moment you see this box also has photos. On top, a picture of Jungkook brushing his teeth in the bathroom mirror. His sleepy eyes and sad attempt at a peace sign. You hate that your eyes are stinging.

You grab another frame, eyes narrowing at the photo.

A picture of you and Jungkook at the park with his hand over your stomach as you both smile.

No…

Your chest rises and falls much faster.

You reach for another photo and you don’t mean to shakily gasp, eyes burning at the sight. Your stomach looks huge in the photo, Jungkook’s face pushed up against it while you’re laughing.

You aren’t capable of registering what the fuck you’re looking at. Your hands shake harder, the photo suddenly looking blurry. That can’t be you. That isn’t you. It’s not you.

“W-What…” Your voice is barely audible to your own ears.

Your entire body goes rigid and cold.

You set the photo down before reaching for another one and as soon as you look at it, your shaky hands drop it. A loud slam to the attic floor and glass shattering at your feet. You blink at nothing, tears welling as you feel the blood completely drain from your face. You’re shocked frozen. Quick breaths that make you feel like you’re dying.

You try so hard to snap out of it but how could you? How could you process the broken framed photo at your feet? How could you?

You squat down, trembling fingers wiping away the hundreds of pieces of glass. The shards are sharp but nothing feels more piercing than the image that stares back at you. You pick up the picture, eyes blinking rapidly, ridding the tears that are forming. Tears because how could you understand and accept what you’re seeing?

You in a hospital bed with Jungkook’s arms around you. You both look ecstatic, teary eyed and smiling widely while in your arms…is a baby.

A baby.

You scoff underneath your breath. A baby.

Don’t you mean…your baby?

Immediately, just at the thought, you truly begin to panic.

There is no way. No fucking way you had a child. A child with Jungkook. You can’t believe this because nothing has felt more fucking unreal than this and nothing feels scarier. You don’t remember this. This can’t be you. This isn’t you. You aren’t you.

You drop the frame again, the loud thud making you wince before you step away slowly. Your eyes anxiously dart around again. The boxes are once again taunting you. You can’t. You can’t be in here anymore. You can’t do this anymore. You don’t want this anymore. You don’t want this life anymore. You want a life you can recognize but this is too far out of your element for you. This isn’t your life. This isn’t you. This isn’t you. This isn’t you.

Your breaths grow heavier, chest getting tighter and you’re wondering what it’s like to breathe because you don’t remember the last time you did now. Not normally, anyway. Your eyes can’t blink back tears anymore. You’re too overwhelmed to stop yourself from sobbing. Sobbing hard and uncontrollably. Pathetic whines leaving your mouth as you tremble at the sight of this attic.

You need to get out of here.

You quickly turn the light off, stumble down the steps and without bothering to close the attic, you rush to the living room and collapse to the sofa.

Tears flooding your cheeks. Sobs wracking your body. Misery consuming your soul.

You are a mother?

Were a mother?

Where is this Haru?

Is Jungkook hiding an entire child? Perhaps Haru is with Jungkook’s parents?

Everyone agreed to keep a fucking child from you?

They shouldn’t have kept this from you. Sure, you’re 24 in your mind and nowhere near ready for a fucking child. But you birthed this kid and have no clue who he is. Your brain won’t even give you a piece of a memory that deals with someone you should love dearly.

Anger. Guilt. You aren’t sure what to feel right now.

But devastation for this entire thing should be a good start.

And you think you truly deserve that explanation.

You stuff your face into the cushion of the sofa you’ve grown to love and you cry. You cry hard and you cry loudly. You soak the sofa with your tears and you wonder how you could possibly accept this. Accept something that not only doesn’t feel real…but can’t be real.

You imagined marrying your best friend and that’s a place you could start. A place that was easy to accept. But this? This is hardly something you can recognize as a life of your own.

And you need Jungkook to tell you everything now.

Or you might truly go insane.

You don’t care it’s the ass crack of dawn, you feel for your phone that you know you left here on the couch and when you feel it, you bring it to your puffy face and try to find Jungkook’s name through your blurry vision. And you call him.

He must not be sleeping either because he answers before the first ring is even over.

“Hello? y/n?”

You don’t hide the fact you’re crying, “Come over. Now.” And you hang up.

Jungkook sits next to you, body turned towards you, completely stunned. You’re looking weak, unable to look at him for too long without growing emotional. He’s guilty. He lied to you. And you’re upset. But your puffy, red eyes has his heart aching dully in his chest.

“Please talk to me, y/n…yell at me, hit me, anything you want but please say something.” He quietly begs you. He doesn’t dare reach for you, though his hands yearn to. Instead, he drums his fingers against his thigh.

You’re still unable to look at him, your brain still trying to process everything. But you know you need to speak up and get real answers. Answers that are the truth. And you need to hear them from Jungkook, himself.

“I went,” You pause, trying to clear your throat but it still burns, feeling tight. “I went into the attic.”

Jungkook’s fingers come to a sudden stop. “You what?”

You finally lift your eyes to him, “I said I went into the attic.”

His face pales.

“I saw a lot of things.” Your gaze flickers down again, eyes stinging once more. “I saw that I was pregnant. I found his—Haru’s things…”

Jungkook stares at you, pain and terror flashing in his eyes, his bottom lip quivering the moment you said Haru’s name.

“We have a child and you didn’t say any—”

“—I…I…” He chokes on his words, his entire body tensing like it’s on the verge of shutting down.

“We have a son together and you didn’t mention anything?” You give him a hard stare, eyes looking cold and you see how he physically shatters under your gaze. He shatters just like the glass in the attic. He too is at your feet. At least it feels that way. “Say something Jung—“

“—Fuck!” He cries out, eyes slamming shut as his shoulders and chest begin to quake. “I can’t fucking do this.” He breathes out roughly, “I can’t do this again.”

Your head pushes back in slight shock, “Do what?”

“Go through this.” He bows his head, silent tears falling to his lap. “I can’t tell you again.”

You feel struck with something eerie, “Tell me what again?”

Jungkook doesn’t answer you right away. He isn’t able to. He chokes on his words, chokes on his breaths and chokes on his tears. He’s shattered but there is nothing sharp or piercing about him. He’s soft around all edges. He’s soft. And he’s devastated.

“I’m—I’m not r-ready.” He cries into his hands. “This ha-happened too q-quickly. You shouldn’t…you shouldn’t…I can’t…”

You feel the urge to reach for him and you do, your fingers going to the back of his head, massaging his scalp and neck. “What’s wrong? What’s happening?” You suddenly feel worried.

Jungkook won’t calm down. A harsh reality suddenly all around you both.

“Where is Haru, Jungkook? Why are you crying? Is he with your parents?” You ask him question after question and he only cries harder. You’re trying to piece it together. Where is your son? The kid you gave birth to? The one you don’t remember? He’s not…he can’t be…?

“Is he…dead?” You ask the question slowly between long breaths. “Is he—”

“—No!” Jungkook finally lifts his head, swollen eyes on you. “He’s not. He isn’t. He isn’t. He-He can’t be. Haru is…” He shakes his head violently, “He isn’t. Haru is alive. He’s…”

“Jungkook…” You see the pain and terror in his eyes still. And maybe pain and terror have always lived inside his irises. And you never understood it until now. “What happened?”

Jungkook wipes his face aggressively, trying his hardest to clean himself from his sorrowful tears. He takes deep breaths, eyes falling to yours where he seeks comfort.

“A little—a little over two years ago…” Jungkook takes another deep breath. “Haru….” He pauses, struggling to say it.

“What happened…?” Your heart is racing again.

“He—He was kidnapped. He was taken from us, y/n.” Jungkook spills the truth. The words fall from him mouth like vomit. “He was abducted and he—he hasn’t been found.”

You aren’t really processing this. You can barely believe you have a child. But now you have to believe this child is missing. You aren’t understanding. How could you?

“W-What?” You drop your hand from his hair. “What are you talking about Jungkook?”

He sighs out heavily, silent tears still leaving a miserable trail down his cheeks. “Haru was taken.”

Haru…your son…was taken?

“And they closed the case. Too fucking early but they closed the case. They presume he’s…they don’t think he’s…” He can’t say it. But you hear him loud and clear. The police gave up on looking because they believe he’s dead.

You do feel sad. Maybe even heartbroken. But there is a disconnect because none of this sounds real to you.

You look down at your lap, “This…this is around the time we got divorced?”

Jungkook chokes on a silent sob, “We divorced soon after.” He admits to you, “Losing my boy, losing you…and I lost my job eventually too.”

You look back up to him, “Why?”

His expression twists, shame gracing his features. “I was a mess, y/n. I couldn’t…I couldn’t handle myself or control myself. Finding Haru was all I could focus on but it led to too many bad things and eventually…Captain Kim, he felt for me.” Jungkook wipes his face again, “But they couldn’t keep me anymore.”

Your heart sinks at his admission.

Jungkook has been suffering on his own while you are lost on all this trauma.

This was obviously hard on both of you. It was too hard on both of you. He couldn’t handle himself? Control himself? But what about you? What were you like in all of this?

Are you lucky that you don’t remember?

Or is not knowing even worse?

“Okay…it’s okay…” You whisper towards Jungkook. Your heart mending itself from all the broken pieces because it makes sense now. Why Jungkook lied. Why he’s been so careful with you finding things out. Because this is…a lot. But right now, you want to comfort him. Because no matter what 33 year old you was going through…24 year old you just wants to hug her best friend.

~~~

It's been a few days since you found out about Haru. A little boy who doesn’t feel real to you.

He was three years old when he was kidnapped.

And if he is still alive…he should be five now.

You’ve been detached and numb, unable to face anyone quite yet. Jungkook checks on you but suddenly, meeting his gaze has become harder. And you think he agrees. This is a huge shock for you and you see how repeating this news is just as hard for Jungkook. He’s burdened with something miserable that lingers in his eyes.

You finally decide to reach out to your parents today.

Needing them to know that you know everything now.

You call your mom, phone to your ear as you listen for each ring until her sweet voice is calling a melodic ‘hello!’.

“Hey.” You mumble into the phone, “Is dad with you?”

“Your dad?” Your mom sounds far from the phone, “Hold on, I’m putting away some groceries. Almost done!”

You smile a little, “Okay.”

After some shuffling in the background, you hear your moms voice in your ear now. “Okay! What’s up?”

“Is dad with you?” You repeat your question.

“Oh.” Your mom sighs out, “Nope. He’s with Jungkook’s father, they’re out playing golf.”

“Oh.”

“Why? Is everything okay? Are you trying to get a hold of him? Is he not answering?”

“No, no.” You shake your head, though she can’t see you. “I wanted to talk to both of you…but it’s okay. You can just fill him in.”

“Fill him in?”

“I know me and Jungkook are divorced.” You say the words quickly. “Why did you pretend we were married?”

It’s silent. Just soft breaths barely audible on the other line. “Well,” Your mom finally breathes out, “I think it was easier that way.” She admits. “You two love each other very much so I just didn’t see the issue.”

You scoff, “We’re divorced yet you—”

“—It’s not like he’s a bad guy. Or you’re bad, either.” She cuts in. “Things just…”

“I know about Haru.” You tell her. You hear how she inhales a sharp breath.

“H-Haru…” She repeats slowly, “You know because…?”

“I found out.” You tell her, “I don’t have my memories.”

Your mom is quiet on the other line before you hear her sniffling.

“Mom?”

She takes a deep breath, “I’m sorry.” Her voice is shaky. “This isn’t fair for you, honey. I’m so sorry.”

You sigh, “It’s not like I remember.”

“You know…after the abduction…” Your mom grows more and more emotional, “There were days where I wished I could take your pain and heartbreak away. But not remembering your son is also another pain and heartbreak.”

You don’t mean to get teary eyed at that. You try to keep your voice even. “I-I guess.”

“After everything…” Your mom clears her throat, “You really shut down. Of course you did. You’re a mother who lost her child. But…you just…you shut everyone out. You didn’t really talk to me or dad much anymore and we felt helpless. How couldn’t we feel that way?”

“Mom…”

“We were devastated when you filed for divorced.” She says. “You and Jungkook were both heartbroken and in a bad place…it was obviously too much for both of you. But instead of figuring it out together…you fell apart.”

You divorced…because losing Haru was too much to bear?

Your heart sinks deeper. You can’t imagine what Jungkook felt.

Or you. But you won’t understand that one until you feel it again one day when your memories return.

“The pain was too much but I wish you would have stayed together…what you needed was each other.”

“Oh.”

“And…we’re all devastated about Haru. But seeing the both of you completely broken…was another heartbreak we had to feel.”

You’ve thought about the conversation you had with your mom earlier all day. You sit here, trying to analyze her words. But they aren’t hard to understand. She claims you and Jungkook fell apart and divorced because the pain of losing your son was too unbearable. And you realize it is a solid reason.

Your foot taps against your wooden floor, anxiously waiting for Misuk and Subin to arrive. You sent them a long text explaining everything and they said they’d be over as soon as possible. But you’re anxious. Anxious that even they know about a son you gave birth to when even you don’t. Anxious because you realize you feel guilty over it. Guilty you can’t remember something that is supposed to be precious.

You sit here when your hands fly to your forehead when it suddenly starts pounding. A horrible ache pushing against your skull and you wince at the pain. Shit, you haven’t taken your medicine today. Standing from your sofa, you intend to walk to the kitchen but fists get knocked against your front door.

They’re here.

Taking a deep breath, your feet take you to them instead. And as soon as the door is opening, Subin and Misuk bring you into their arms while they whisper their apologies and sorrows. You wish you were still numb. But you aren’t. You tremble in their hold instead and let yourself cry into their arms.

After several minutes and your determination to calm yourself, you finally pull away from the girls and offer a small smile. “Sorry.” You try to laugh to ease your sadness.

Subin pouts at you, “No.”

“Don’t say sorry.” Misuk smiles at you, “I’m sorry. Sorry for everything…you overheard me and it all turned out like this…”

“Well, you aren’t wrong.” You bump her shoulder. “Let’s sit.”

You girls walk into your living room and plop down onto the sofa. “This sucks.” You try to laugh but your chest feels heavy. “How is it that my life turned out like this?”

“I know…” Misuk frowns. “I really am sorry that things spiraled and you found things out like this…I hated lying to you. I hated seeing everyone lie to you. You deserved to know the truth because I know that’s…” She bites her lip, worry written all over her face. “That’s what you’d want. But I truly don’t know what would have been worse…finding out like this or finding out because your memories returned and everything would hit you like a ton of bricks.” You glance down at your hands, trying to mull over her words. You think she’s right. But you think she’s right in a way of the you who would want it this way because you didn’t know any better.

“I just,” You sigh out, “I just can’t believe me and Jungkook’s marriage failed when we needed each other most.”

Your head snaps up when you hear Misuk scoff.

“What?” You question her while she narrows her eyes at nothing. “What is it?”

The space between her eyebrows crease, “Your marriage didn’t fail because of your mutual heartbreak over Haru’s abduction, y/n.” She finally meets your eye. “Is that what you think?”

For the millionth time, your heart beat grows faster. “What do you mean?”

“Your marriage failed because you blamed Jungkook for it.”

Your heart comes to a complete stop. “What?”

“You blamed him for the kidnapping.” She clarifies, “But I guess Jungkook conveniently left that part out.”

“What…what are you—“

“—Misuk.” Subin says her name with a harsh, cold tone. “Enough already.”

“What?!” Misuk grows frustrated, eyes on Subin now. “She already knows this much—”

“—You don’t even know everything!” Subin cuts her off, “It’s not like we even know what y/n was thinking at that time! She didn’t even…” She suddenly gets quieter, her eyes going to you now. “She…you…” She meets your surprised gaze at her outburst. “You barely even spoke to us after the incident.”

You feel cold all of the sudden.

“You…” Subin tears her gaze away, “You got so distant. And we don’t blame you, of course we don’t blame you. But,” She looks at Misuk again, “How could you blame Jungkook for that?”

“y/n had her reasons!” Misuk throws back at Subin, “She told me herself.”

“It was fucking vague.” Subin rolls her eyes.

“Yeah? Well it was hint enough.”

You look between the girls, their own tension forming between their bodies. “Wait, wait. Just hold on. What is happening?”

Subin looks at you again, “Nothing.”

“No.” You shake your head, “What is Misuk talking about?”

“Look,” Misuk takes a deep breath. “All I know is that you blame Jungkook. Before Haru was taken…it was clear your marriage was rocky even then. You didn’t talk about it though. But something was wrong.” Misuk fills you in even when Subin glares at her. “And I trust you.”

On one hand, you’re flattered Misuk is such a ride or die. But on the other hand, you’re only left feeling more and more confused.

But Jungkook’s voice is in your head now.

Him asking you to always trust him.

It doesn’t sound like Misuk has solid evidence to be so against Jungkook. She only has your word. And since you can’t trust your own self right now. You’ll believe in Jungkook.

~~~

You want to believe in Jungkook. But Misuk’s warning words remain ringing in your head. You lay here in bed, mind racing with theories that make you want to vomit. Your head still hurts and something odd keeps bothering you. Like a memory wants to push itself out of your brain but it keeps holding it back.

You toss and turn in bed. The same numbness has returned.

You don’t think you mind. You accept the numb sensation that takes over your body from the inside out, you disappear with it. You’re grateful because it provides the escape from the raw reality that you suffer.

It is a preference.

Rather than feeling overwhelmed with a million emotions chaotically colliding inside your brain…you feel nothing but guilt from escaping. And you prefer this guilt over others.

You turn your head to the right, towards the window, when you feel your phone vibrating against your mattress.

Who is calling at this hour?

Grabbing your phone and looking at the screen, you see Jungkook’s name. Is he so lucky to escape too? Or is he in the reality where he suffers?

“Hello?” You murmur into the phone.

“Hey,” Jungkook speaks quietly, “Um…I didn’t wake you, did I?”

“Cute that you think I’d be able to sleep.” You half joke. “What’s up?”

Jungkook sighs into the phone, “Honestly…if you’re up for it. Want to talk? In person?”

You sit up from bed, “In person?”

“Yeah.” You suddenly hear soft, distant knocks on your front door. “I’m kind of already here.”

You lower the phone to your chest, head turned in the direction of your open bedroom door, where you know Jungkook is in the distance outside at your front door.

You quickly end the call, standing from the bed when you make your way to him. Door opening and a gust of wind enters your house with his scent carried with it, hitting your nostrils and you melt. But you shouldn’t.

“Hey.” You nod towards the inside of your home. “Come in.”

Jungkook gives you a timid smile before walking in, slipping his shoes off and going to the couch.

“I—”

“—Actually,” You cut him off before he can say anything. “I want to lay down. I feel…drained.” You admit to him with a tired smile, “Can we lay in my bed? Just to lay. And talk.”

Jungkook looks conflicted but he sees how exhausted you clearly are. “Okay.” He whispers, “We can.”

You lead him to your bedroom, for some reason you go to the side of the bed closest to the window even though you usually sleep on the side closest to the door. You lay on top of the blanket and rest your head atop the fluffy pillow.

Jungkook takes a breath before climbing into the bed as well. A small smile threatening to pull his lips apart. You notice.

“What?” You question him but he shakes his head, suppressing the smile.

“No, it’s just…this is my side of the bed. And that’s yours. It’s like your body remembered even if you don’t.” He tells you quietly, a shy expression on his face. “It’s silly to think about that, I guess.”

You feel your cheeks grow warm. Embarrassment clear on your face. “Oh.” You’re both facing one another.

“Um, it’s—” Jungkook rests his head against the pillow but he pauses because he’s sure he feels something. “What’s…” He reaches underneath and his curious gaze turns somber. “Haru’s robot…” He whispers, the toy in his hands.

You grow more fucking embarrassed.

“Oh shit.” You blurt, completely forgetting it was under that pillow. “I just…it…” It was the one item in the attic that felt even a little familiar to you so you went back up to get it. “I felt…connected to it somehow.” You admit to him.

Jungkook nods slowly, “That makes sense. Haru wouldn’t go anywhere without this thing. The bath, to daycare, to Busan, any car ride—” He laughs a little. “Even needed this friend when his stomach hurt and he had to poop.”

You crack a smile, “Thanks, that makes me feel great for having it under my pillow now.”

“Eh, I’m sure it’s clean. You always made sure everything was clean for him.” Jungkook lowers the robot to the mattress, “I know you aren’t aware. But you’re the best mom in the world.”

Heat crawls up your neck, “That feels weird to hear.”

“I know.” Jungkook frowns but he tries not to. “But you should hear it.”

“Should I?”

“Yeah.” He tells you with earnest eyes. “He reminded me all of the time that you were the best mommy in the world. He,” Jungkook breaks into a small grin, quietly chuckling when he sorts through his own memories. “I remember when I would take him to work and in front of everyone I would tell him I love him and he would respond with, ‘and I love mommy.’ Such a brat, that kid.” He laughs, keeping his emotions at bay.

You can’t help but giggle too.

“He was always changing. One minute he would be outgoing and talk to anyone and the next he was guarded and shy. And I know all kids say wild stuff but he really said the wildest stuff.” Jungkook continues to smile. “I never knew what crazy thing he would say in public that would make me look like a questionable dad. Swear he did it on purpose.”

“He sounds fun.”

“He is. Never bored around him.” Jungkook’s smile turns so soft. “He always slept through the night too. Once he was out…that was it until the morning. He might have been a pain in the ass sometimes but I really appreciated it that because,” Jungkook’s soft smile drops and his gaze darkens with something coy, “He never interrupted my time with you.”

More heat envelopes your body. “That so?”

“Heavy sleeper too.” Jungkook tells you, “Never knew what we were up to.”

He finally cracks a teasing smile and you push his chest with a small laugh. “Shush.”

Jungkook still smiles at you but it turns more serious. “I know this is all…a lot for you. But being able to talk about Haru with you feels…” He sighs before swallowing his emotions. “It makes me believe in living again.”

You pinch your brows together, “What do you mean?”

“I think I’ve only been surviving.” He admits. “I haven’t felt alive since the last time we were really together.”

Without thinking, you reach for him. Palm resting flat against his beating heart. “You feel alive to me.” You whisper.

“That’s because you’re here.” He whispers back, “This,” He taps your hand, talking about his heart. “Hasn’t made a single sound until you told me you loved me.”

You wish his words wouldn’t affect you. But 24 year old you is affected. Because 33 year old you isn’t here right now.

You aren’t sure if that’s good or bad.

“Can I ask you something?” You gaze into his eyes. His eyes are soft and might you say, full of love when he nods quickly.

“You’re working on a case with your ex-partner Jimin…is it about Haru?”

Jungkook slowly closes his eyes when he frowns, “I can’t tell you anything about it, y/n…I can’t involve you.”

You sigh, “Okay.” Then you ask him something else. Feeling direct. “Misuk doesn’t trust you. Why?”

Jungkook suddenly looks annoyed. “Because she doesn’t know anything. It’s all assumptions on her end but you trust me, right?”

You think you do. So you nod.

“When your memories return…can you still trust me?” He asks you, but it sounds like he didn’t direct the question towards you at all. And that causes an uneasiness to stir.

But still, you are choosing him right now.

You glance to his chest and notice your hand is still against him and you laugh a little, “Sorry. I’m still touching you.”

“It’s okay.”

“I swear I’m not trying to throw myself at you.” And then you scrunch up your features. “Oh no, that’s what I was doing, right? Previously…I was totally forcing myself on you.”

Jungkook can’t help but snort a little, smiling tugging at his lips. “You didn’t force yourself on me, y/n.”

Now it’s your turn to snort, “Liar.”

His fingers go to your hand again, softly drumming them across the top of your hand and you feel his heart beat harder. “And why would I ever lie to you?”

You feel the vibration against your skin when each of his fingers land with a rhythmic beat. You recall this sound like a melody and his words are the lyrics.

You notice how it feels when he basically sings his silent promise to you.

“Yeah, you’d never lie to me, right?” You ask, voice cracking. “Not really, right?”

Jungkook’s fingers come to a stop before he’s wrapping them around your hand. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you the truth.”

You quickly shake your head, “No, I can understand.” Your voices quivers. “I was angry. But I can understand.”

“I never lied about my feelings, you know?” He keeps holding your hand in his. “I do love you. I have for so long and I’m never going to stop.”

He’s staring so intently into your eyes and you’re wondering how you couldn’t trust this man. You can see his heart in his eyes and it’s beating so wildly for you.

~~~

The market is busy. It seems everyone is trying to do their grocery shopping today. You and Subin roam the aisles, plucking items off the shelves with giddy smiles. You’re going to bake Jungkook his favorite homemade cookies. You finally found the recipe books and wrote down all the ingredients.

Thankfully, since it will be your first time giving it a go, Subin has offered to help you. You’re both searching for vanilla but it seems that either they’re out or you’re totally missing it.

“What if we just skip the vanilla?” You say nonchalantly but Subin gasps.

“Bakers all around the world all have a tear running down their face right now not knowing the reason why all because you just said that!” She says dramatically, “Vanilla is crucial!”

You can’t but laugh, “Yeah, yeah.”

“We still need brown sugar too, right?” Subin eyes the shelves. “Is it just me or is it so unorganized?”

“You know how people are,” You shrug. “When they don’t want an item anymore they just stick it anywhere.” Then you point at something, “That explains why there’s a package of uncooked chicken on the shelf with flour.”

“That can’t be safe.” Subin shudders. “Anyway, did you already grab the chips Jungkook wanted?” She eyes your cart, “You’ll totally forget. Go grab them and I’ll finish finding the vanilla and brown sugar.” She grins at you with rosy cheeks.

“Oh I did totally forget.” You say, glancing at the cart as well. You look up at the aisle numbers and search for the word ‘chips’. “Sweet, it’s only two aisles over. Be right back!”

You walk over to aisle four, eyes browsing all of the chip options when you spot a few you ‘d like as well.

“Hmm, these ones.” You grab a bag, “And these ones.” Another bag. “Oh, yes…these ones too…” You hold three bags in your arms. “Right, I need to get Jungkook’s too.” You whisper, eyes searching for the brand he wanted. You smile when you spot them, trying your best to carry the three bags in one arm while you reach for the other bag. On your tip toes, you grab it and successfully hold all four bags. Feeling accomplished, you quickly turn around but bump into someone, dropping all of your chips.

“Ah, sorry, sorry!” You apologize to the stranger. Your eyes meet and you’re met with the familiarity like you are every time. “Oh. Nabi.” You say her name like you two are fully acquainted.

Nabi stares at you wide eyed before offering a smile. “Hi.” She says before glancing around, her kind eyes suddenly looking anxious. “How are you? Um, here…let me help—”

“—Oh no, it’s okay!” You smile. But you both bend down at the same time, bumping heads and you’re about to giggle about it but suddenly it’s like images start flashing in your mind. You try to brush it off, reaching down to grab the chips instead of focusing on whatever images you saw that don’t make sense.

You reach for a bag at the same time as Nabi and when your hands touch, you swear the world goes completely still. Your eyes meet in panic and suddenly more images are speeding around in your brain and before you know it, they aren’t just images. But full on scenarios.

And for the first time, they do make sense.

You pull your hand back quickly, eyes blinking rapidly while you try to step back.

“y/n?” Nabi’s kind eyes turn concerned. “Hey, are you okay?”

You take another step back.

Blood draining from your body.

These aren’t just scenarios.

These are memories.

You stare at her, bewildered. Your panicked breathes leaving your mouth quickly as you try to ease your nerves. “Um,” You swallow thickly. “I—I…” Your fingers begin to tremble and you’re unable to hold the chips anymore.

Nabi watches you carefully, “Are you—”

You don’t let her finish, your feet taking you far from here. Panicked, anxious and alert…you race back to Subin and the moment she sees you, the adorable smile gets wiped off her face.

“What’s wrong?” She asks immediately, her hands going to your shoulders. “Hey, talk to me.”

But you’re breathing too quickly, your eyes blown wide.

“What’s wrong?” She repeats, her worry evident. “Are you okay? Did something happen? Hey, y/n…calm down.”

Calm down?

You can’t calm down. Your breathing is harsh and heavy. Your chest is closing in on itself.

You wanted to trust Jungkook. You wanted to ignore Misuk’s words. You wanted to. Really. But with all the things you’ve just seen fly through your head, and the few new memories that sit tightly tucked inside your brain…you don’t know that you can.

Misuk might not have had any solid reason…but your own memories feel like reason enough.

You’re silently gasping for air, struggling to breathe. But you manage to say the words that make you feel like you’re fucking dying inside. “I know,” You swallow hard. “I know why I blame Jungkook.”

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