#Life makes these so hard to do

[entomolog-t]

Tropes ask: I have my own armchair view of my proclivities but I'll submit my thoughts for peer review.

I usually like to imagine being a mini giant. In real life, I'm tall-ish and fat woman. I feel big and awkward and I get anxious about being in the way. Imagining being big means I would be, perhaps, intentionally huge. And in a more fun way. I want more affection and closeness and what better way than with someone miniature?

I saw you already wrote about size swaps but I also really like shrinking or size changes. I love to see the loss of control and approach from a (literal) new perspective.

Back in Office Baby!

Alright so there are quite a few details that you included that seem significant; specification on minigiant, self perception, recontextualization, shrinking and size changing, loss of control, and perhaps an implication of loss of self.

I find it intriguing when someone has a preferred size. Sometimes its for an aesthetic component (Say for example, liking the imagery of completely someone in your hand), sometimes its to symbolize a degree of control (for example when someone is relatively smaller than an inch, theres next to no way to escape, their voice may be totally unheard, etc.. compared to a minigiant who could theoretically still be hurt physically by a skilled enough human). It may also just be for some sort of practicality in the fantasy (able to still fit in buildings or remain hidden in a forest etc..). Although these at first glance just seem like supporting elements to the overall fantasy I still think they may be able to offer insight.

As discussed in previous sessions, subconscious imagery can be a lot more prevalent than we would first think. For the example above (completely fitting someone in your hand) there could be blatant metaphorical imagery at play.

One way to analyze that is to pull at the words a little;

What do I think of when I think of ____? How would I elaborate on the action? What emotions are invoked in me? What emotions do I want invoked in the counter archetype?

When I think of hands I could think of control, but also care. They have strength in building things, but they are also how I show I care. Through soft and loving touch. I think of being careful. Nurturing.

The action part (fitting someone within my grasp) feels controlling to me. All encompassing. Making someone else vulnerable.

I might feel in control, powerful, curious, and excited. Perhaps, I want the counter archetype to feel vulnerable, uncertain, small and scared.

See how such a small image can be picked apart for some much more interesting details? If there is specific imagery associated with your liking towards minigiants, I would definitely recommend further analyzing it or submitting it for another appointment.

Moving on to self perception and recontextualization. Using your own words it seems as though your body leads to some feelings of anxiety. I'd like to make specific note of some word choice; big, awkward, fat, in the way... all of these words have implications of being easily perceived/noticeable. You cite some negative emotions surrounding this perception. Perhaps some degree of social anxiety or insecurity. Where this becomes very interesting is in the recontextualization in the form of a minigiant fantasy.

At first glance this fantasy might not seem to make sense, given it could be considered the magnification of those aforementioned traits, as well as the novelty of a minigiant would certainly increase how much one is perceived by others. However, it seems like consciously or not, there has been some reframing on possible insecurities (not necessarily implying insecurities of the traits themselves but what they seem to suggest as a whole; anxiety of being perceived/noticeable).

The context has been altered to allow for positive restructuring. Big can be exciting and powerful and confident. Lets compare some word choice to the previous description of self;

tall-ish, big, awkward, fat, in the way, anxious

vs

intentional, huge, fun, [wanting] affection

These words exude more confidence.

Intentional; making it your choice

Huge; perceived as a much more impactful/powerful word compared to big

Fun; compared to words used like awkward and anxious. Fun is enjoyable, when we have fun we are less aware of ourselves, we are just enjoying the joy we find.

Wanting affection and closeness; compared to being in the way. Wanting to be seen as something special rather than a burden, as someone to get close to rather than in the way.

G/t is very heavily oriented around power dynamics, and having power tends to give many of us a great increase in confidence as it allows for control or safety in a given situation, among other things. By creating a hyperbolic scenario, it seems you are able to recontextualize the situation to allow insecurities to become the cause of confidence.

This seems to suggest in your day to day you may lack feelings you attribute to confidence. Integrating descriptors you use for minigiants could perhaps feel that lack. Trying to do things intentionally gives us a feeling of control. This could be as simple as even just picking outfits with an intentional vibe, arranging something in your room for an aesthetic layout etc... although I would assume that given the references to intentionality would be more impactful to you if it was associated with interactions with others; intentionally saying hello to a stranger or something along those lines. Integrating time for fun or closeness with friends and family could be very helpful as well.

Now obviously a lot of this is easier said than done, especially when we feel anxious or awkward, but I would definitely recommend looking toward your fantasies for insight. Finding what differs between feeling big and in the way and intentionally huge, and creating little ways you can bring that confidence into your day to day.

Moving on to one of my favorite topics; shrinking and size changing.

Man shrinking is so underappreciated.

Shrinking is something very special, and holds a much different sub type in the tiny archetype. While tinys such as fairies or borrowers have always existed with their status in the power dynamic, shrinking and size changing directly refers to a loss of power.

For those who appreciate physics; shrinking is a vector. A variable with magnitude and direction.

There tends to be much more specific emotions of horror and loss with shrinking, and the context and reaction one associates with shrinking usually has a direct link to some sort of trauma or general negative perception.

I would highly recommend picking apart what response to shrinking you are typically drawn towards.

You specifically mentioned loss of control as well as new perspective. I've noticed in many shrinking tropes we see a sort of man vs. self journey as the overarching tale, where they better themselves through their hardships at their new size and despite losing power, they gain some sort of moral or ethics. Now this is not always the case and there are a variety of shrinking tropes. At times it feels as though even if the shrinking is not a punishment in the narrative itself, its a bit of a punishment fantasy where shrinking allows for reflection, and represents change both literally and metaphorically.

If this tends to be what you mean by change in perspective, it could be very insightful to look at what you typically associate with the pre-shrunk individual and the changes the undergo when shrunk.

loss of control, and perhaps an implication of loss of self.

I'd love to go into more detail in a latter session if you submit specifics in regards to shrinking!

---

That's all the time we have for today, I hope you enjoyed our session together. Please see my secretary on your way out to book your follow up.

#LONG AWAITED #Life makes these so hard to do #I am trying to aim for one a day but we shall see #g/t #giant/tiny #g/t community #g/t prompts #g/t shitpost #g/t tropes #G/t trope psychology

[inkskinned]

the thing about art is that it was always supposed to be about us, about the human-ness of us, the impossible and beautiful reality that we (for centuries) have stood still, transfixed by music. that we can close our eyes and cry about the same book passage; the events of which aren't real and never happened. theatre in shakespeare's time was as real as it is now; we all laugh at the same cue (pursued by bear), separated hundreds of years apart.

three years ago my housemates were jamming outdoors, just messing around with their instruments, mostly just making noise. our neighbors - shy, cautious, a little sheepish - sat down and started playing. i don't really know how it happened; i was somehow in charge of dancing, barefoot and laughing - but i looked up, and our yard was full of people. kids stacked on the shoulders of parents. old couples holding hands. someone had brought sidewalk chalk; our front walk became a riot of color. someone ran in with a flute and played the most astounding solo i've ever heard in my life, upright and wiggling, skipping as she did so. she only paused because the violin player was kicking his heels up and she was laughing too hard to continue.

two weeks ago my friend and i met in the basement of her apartment complex so she could work out a piece of choreography. we have a language barrier - i'm not as good at ASL as i'd like to be (i'm still learning!) so we communicate mostly through the notes app and this strange secret language of dancers - we have the same movement vocabulary. the two of us cracking jokes at each other, giggling. there were kids in the basement too, who had been playing soccer until we took up the far corner of the room. one by one they made their slow way over like feral cats - they laid down, belly-flat against the floor, just watching. my friend and i were not in tutus - we were in slouchy shirts and leggings and socks. nothing fancy. but when i asked the kids would you like to dance too? they were immediately on their feet and spinning. i love when people dance with abandon, the wild and leggy fervor of childhood. i think it is gorgeous.

their adults showed up eventually, and a few of them said hey, let's not bother the nice ladies. but they weren't bothering us, they were just having fun - so. a few of the adults started dancing awkwardly along, and then most of the adults. someone brought down a better sound system. someone opened a watermelon and started handing out slices. it was 8 PM on a tuesday and nothing about that day was particularly special; we might as well party.

one time i hosted a free "paint along party" and about 20 adults worked quietly while i taught them how to paint nessie. one time i taught community dance classes and so many people showed up we had to move the whole thing outside. we used chairs and coatracks to balance. one time i showed up to a random band playing in a random location, and the whole thing got packed so quickly we had to open every door and window in the place.

i don't think i can tell you how much people want to be making art and engaging with art. they want to, desperately. so many people would be stunning artists, but they are lied to and told from a very young age that art only matters if it is planned, purposeful, beautiful. that if you have an idea, you need to be able to express it perfectly. this is not true. you don't get only 1 chance to communicate. you can spend a lifetime trying to display exactly 1 thing you can never quite language. you can just express the "!!??!!!"-ing-ness of being alive; that is something none of us really have a full grasp on creating. and even when we can't make what we want - god, it feels fucking good to try. and even just enjoying other artists - art inherently rewards the act of participating.

i wasn't raised wealthy. whenever i make a post about art, someone inevitably says something along the lines of well some of us aren't that lucky. i am not lucky; i am dedicated. i have a chronic condition, my hands are constantly in pain. i am not neurotypical, nor was i raised safe. i worked 5-7 jobs while some of these memories happened. i chose art because it mattered to me more than anything on this fucking planet - i would work 80 hours a week just so i could afford to write in 3 of them.

and i am still telling you - if you are called to make art, you are called to the part of you that is human. you do not have to be good at it. you do not have to have enormous amounts of privilege. you can just... give yourself permission. you can just say i'm going to make something now and then - go out and make it. raquel it won't be good though that is okay, i don't make good things every time either. besides. who decides what good even is?

you weren't called to make something because you wanted it to be good, you were called to make something because it is a basic instinct. you were taught to judge its worth and over-value perfection. you are doing something impossible. a god's ability: from nothing springs creation.

a few months ago i found a piece of sidewalk chalk and started drawing. within an hour i had somehow collected a small classroom of young children. their adults often brought their own chalk. i looked up and about fifteen families had joined me from around the block. we drew scrangly unicorns and messed up flowers and one girl asked me to draw charizard. i am not good at drawing. i basically drew an orb with wings. you would have thought i drew her the mona lisa. she dragged her mother over and pointed and said look! look what she drew for me and, in the moment, i admit i flinched (sorry, i don't -). but the mother just grinned at me. he's beautiful. and then she sat down and started drawing.

someone took a picture of it. it was in the local newspaper. the summary underneath said joyful and spontaneous artwork from local artists springs up in public gallery. in the picture, a little girl covered in chalk dust has her head thrown back, delighted. laughing.

#writeblr #warm up #this is longer than i wanted i really considered removing that part about myself and what i went thru #but i think it really fucking bothers me that EVERY time i talk about being an artist #ppl assume i just like. had the skill and ability to drop everything and pay for grad school. #like sir i grew up poor. my house wasn't a safe space. i gave up a FREE RIDE TO LAW SCHOOL. for THIS. bc i chose it. #was it fucking hard? was i choosing the hard thing?? yes. #but we need to stop seeing artists as lazy layabouts that can ''afford'' to just ''sit around and create'' #when MANY - if not MOST - of us are NOT like that. we have to work our fucking ASSES off. hard work. long and hard work #part of valuing artists is recognizing the amount we sacrifice to make our art. bc it doesn't just #like HAPPEN to us. also btw it rarely has anything to do with true talent. #speaking as someone with a chronic condition i hate when ppl are like u have it easy. like actively as i'm writing this my hands r #ACTIVELY hurting me. i haven't been posting bc my left hand was curled in a claw for the last week #this isn't fucking luck. after a certain point it's not even TALENT. it's dedication & sacrifice. #''u get to flounce around and do nothing with ur life'' is a narrative that is a direct result of capitalism #imagine if we said that about literally any other profession. #''oh so u give up 10 yrs of ur life to be a doctor? u sacrifice having a social life and u get SUPER in debt? #u need to work countless hours and it will often be thankless? well i wish i was that lucky'' #we should be applying that logic to landlords ONLY #''oh ur mom and dad gave u the money to buy a house? and all u did was paint it white and rent it? huh.''

[natjennie]

something about "your anger isn't scary to me" is making me so emotional. something about as above so below, cassandra as a mirror of kristen. something about "I've been dropping the ball a lot lately" and kristen's struggles with adhd. something about teenage girls and rage and fury and justice. something about adaine's vision of ruining fallinel and the sylvaire looking for revenge. something about sadness and doubt and anger and love. something about "I choose to understand" being the absolute core theme of d20 in general. something something.

#something about kristen's adhd making her fuck things up and being mad at herself and that manifesting #as her deity being overcome with rage #something about fear and anger and shame and the inability to do better even when you're trying so hard #and something about people loving you anyway #something about 'your anger isnt scary to me' #as someone who had undiagnosed pcos in early high school and got so fucking MAD #something about adhd and how you're always failing and you have no one to blame but yourself #and how heart breaking it is to watch your life fall apart around you KNOWING you could do something #but being unable to do it right. always forgetting always slipping up #and how mad that makes you. at yourself. #this fight is so much #fhjy #d20 #dimension 20 #fantasy high

[bowenoke]

in scott's pov (ep7) he refers to scar as grian's husband. no one tells him this is not the case. this is because traffic!scott decides who is and is not married like some sort of contractually binding arbiter of love. to me anyways

#he never learned how to do divorce so everyone is just stuck like this. #trafficshipping #craftie art #third life #bo's lpcu (lonely people cinematic universe) #the answer to my question about tagging seems to be 'is it even ship art if its in the desert?' which is fair #grian #scott #'op this is not shipping' the problem.is to me tl!g+s are together in a way that is so inextricable to their characters that any depiction #of them is shipping. sorry. it makes it hard to judge if its actually ship by tumblrs standards lmao

[ionomycin]

My favorite pieces this year

#artists on tumblr #thank you so much for another year #as long as i can keep doing art #i'm super grateful #got to work on some cool projects #tried to push myself to socialize more #it's hard #super mega hard #but i met a few new people and made friends i think?? #got to play d&d finally #trying to learn how to make friends as an adult lmao #after just focusing on drawing my whole life #shoutout to my plants as well #holding together my mental health through the winter #it's my 3rd christmas in germany #glad to spend another one with my partner in gay

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

i've been asked multiple times for Awake Barnaby so instead you get messy lights out Laughingstock doodles

#featuring the moment everyone found out he was awake #poor dude woke up w/ his arm missing and got Tackled full-speed by 8ft of manic caterpillar #in my mind after howdy stops his 'holy shit youre up' ramble #he suddenly goes dead serious and grabs barn by the lapels and essentially goes 'say something funny. do it. now. make me laugh' #barnaby stammers out the Worst joke of his life #and howdy laughs so hard he stops making noise & just. collapses. wheezing #poor dude's lost it... #meanwhile wally is standing there buffering bc uhhhhhh He Hasnt Spoken To Barnaby In Decades #and is trying to remember their dynamic / how to act around him #wh lights out au #scribble salad #and then we've got a moment from act two!!! yippee!!!! #i wont say anything about whats going on beyond the obvious in that scribble

[tubbytarchia]

I couldn't finish my rancher art today but please have this because I'll feel like a failure if I go to sleep without posting anything

#not all cryptids are created equal rip #rancher duo #team rancher #trafficshipping #trafficblr #double life #jimmy solidarity fanart #tangotek fanart #I tried so hard to make Tango more demon cute and less demon scary #uh yeah based on the idea that tango involuntarily wraps his tail around Jimmys legs teehee #and then forces himself to be conscious of what his tail is doing when Jimmy slams his head against the hard cold ground #tubby art

[leverage-ot3]

I’ve talked about this before but imagine what it’s like for someone in a country/place where eliot is Top Most Wanted and then your tech guy finds a breakout star baseball player on their visual scanner that looks EXACTLY like spencer. but…there’s no way that’s him, right???

and then the next year it happens again but this time it’s some one hit wonder country singer kenneth crane that has like 78 tween-run fangirl blogs dedicated to him. you see a grainy video of him being chased by a horde of screaming teenage girls and ??? no way Eliot Last Thing You’ll Ever See Spencer is a country singer star just. signing pictures of his face right…?

a few months later your intern shows you footage of an eliot lookalike who is in san lorenzo talking about how there is dog fighting in the presidential palace and you just. sigh. because of course. a scant few days later the political geography of the country changes drastically and damien moreau is imprisoned. …interesting

and then a year of silence goes by. he still shows up as blips on the radar but he must have a good hacker working for him because his tracks on the internet are expertly erased.

every time you ask through interagency channels some random interpol guy talks in (condescending?) riddles at you and it also somehow feels like he’s threatening you

and then your friend who recently got into foreign hockey teams sends you a dropyourgloves video of someone called jacques the bear. you immediately get a headache (and watch some more videos because even you can admit this guy is a good hockey player)

and you know he’s a Bad Guy but it’s been admittedly a bit entertaining seeing what claim to fame he will come upon next. and his most recent actions over the few years make you wonder.

a few months later your phone pings because multiple heads of state evacuated from DC. the reason? eliot spencer was in town. you hear two days later a bioterrorist was taken down by… the report was redacted. your hacker tells you spencer and two teammates were behind the successful operation. which, huh.

not even a full year later it is released that spencer is dead and… you don’t know how to feel.

#sorry this turned kinda angsty I just think eliot famousaliases spencer is a great reoccurring joke #eventually an indeterminate amount of months later you see him pop up again and you breathe #at this point all the intel you’ve gotten points that he’s actually doing something good with his life #like he’s changed. and you know he’s a bad guy but he’s doing things that nobody else is really capable of doing. making changes on large #and small scales #he will face consequences eventually you are sure. but his tracks are so well covered already and he’s so slippery so maybe. maybe you just #don’t make your agents work so hard to track him down #you get to know sterling a bit better (and maybe understand him a bit better too) #sterling invites you to an off the books lunch at this brewpub in portland when you’re in the states. the head chef looks familiar #it’s the best food you’ve ever tasted. because OF COURSE it is #at this point you’re not even angry. or resigned anymore. you’re slightly impressed #anyways that’s how sterling’s leverage club gains another member #(mcsweeten was the second member btw. if you’ve seen my other posts) #eliot spencer #eliot spencer meta #headcanons #humor #leverage #jim sterling #(mentioned) #the studio job #the blue line job #the three strikes job #ficlets #mine #a post not on my queue??? more likely than you think #I should make a tag for in universe pov posts #into the leverage verse #headcanons in the tags #the rundown job

[findafight]

Robin chose Steve. Robin made the conscious and deliberate decision that she could and would trust Steve. She already liked him! She had fun working and bantering with him! They were already on their way to being weird little bffs and the torture just expedited the process. Steve chose Robin just the same! He thinks she's fun and cool and likes her so much! He chose to be honest and open with her too, putting himself out there.

Even though their interests on the surface level don't match why wouldn't they share them? Steve clearly caves when Robin wants to watch a movie he doesn't think he'll like, Robin can watch a March madness game or five.

Stop trying to take away their bond oh my god people can be close to more than one person!!! Their best friend doesn't have to be dismissive or mean or whatever in order for a romance to be special to them!

#if i have to see another fic or whatever that makes it seem like robin doesnt give a shit about what steve likes and talkes about im going #to scream and maybe even rampage #its nice to sit down and have someone who knows explain who the players are and what the stakes for this particular game!! #just because yall seem to not think anyone can be nutral towards sports doesnt mean people aren't #literally why is it so hard to believe robin would like to hear steve talk as much as steve likes to hear her talk #i am so close to telling some steddie shippers to not look at steve or robin or their friendship because some of yall do Not get it. #its like you can see them go 'have to make sure eddie is the most perfect specialest boy for steve...well that means robin doesn't Get Him ' #or 'robin ignores him/dismisses his interests/isnt told everything happening in his life' like okay dont ever touch them again thanks #robin is steves specialest sunshine cupcake goober girl. steve is robins bestest happy times sweet funnyman. dont u dare take that away. #omce again tsgs longer than the post but ah well. #stobin #platonic stobin #robin buckley #steve harrington #stranger things #finda's rambles #steve and robin #this is a scheduled post just to jazz things up i guess #but seriously some of yall need to STOP MESSIGN WITH STOBIN

[festering-bacteria]

Confucius in my regular style + some other doodles

ALSO THE NEW EPISODES BROUGHT ME SO MUCH ANGUISH OH MY GODDD

#art #clone high #clone high confucius #topher bus #clone high abe #clone high jfk #clone high joan #clone high frida kahlo #tophabe #joanfk #jfkonfucius #clone high spoilers #clone high season 2 #THE NEW EPISODES RUINED MY LIFE #im so upset but at least Confucius is still silly #if they make Confucius do something shitty and ruin him for me I will sob so hard #ALSO Frida slay I need to draw her more #I’ve also hopped on the tophabe bandwagon they are silly #I’m actually very mad at jfk and I do not like him rn he BETTER make it up to Joan next episodes or I will lose my mind

[positivelyadhd]

I truly encourage you to add things that simply bring you joy to your list of things to do that day.

it doesn't have to be big, it can be as simple as making your favourite drink or food for lunch or spending some time on a hobby or watching a show you enjoy.

adding things to look forward to and giving yourself time to experience those things is just as important as doing every other thing on that list.

you're allowed to plan to do things for no other reason than it makes you happy.

#ive been trying to get a morning routine and just get a little better at life stuff but today its been so hard to get out of bed #and when i really examined it it was because i didnt *want to* #i thought about everything i had to do today and i didn't want to do any of it even the things id usually enjoy #so ive started smaller: listening to my favourite songs while i shower and making a nice breakfast #and it's helped a lot! #tips #recovery

[phontao]

soul / holding you together

-> words from an excerpt of trisha mateer's "honeybee"

-> inspired by @hi-raethia

#this consumed my life i hope you all know ✌️ i do NOT know how to do good lighting. can you tell #a few of these images are referenced! i am trying to track down the original creators but godddd pinterest makes it so damn hard #anyway. #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #jjk fanart #jjk fanworks #geto #geto suguru #suguru geto #suguru #gojo #gojo satoru #satoru gojo #satoru #and a tiny bit of #kenjaku #towards the end ??? #no gojoken this time though. sorry everyone #stsg #satosugu #sugusato #phon.art #i made the color scheme more monotone towards the end. you can have that symbolize something if you want

[trans-axolotl]

content note: discussion of suicide.

this next monday will be the six year anniversary of losing one of my friends to suicide.

when he died, my high school barely mentioned his death, even though for other students who died by things like car crashes or illness, there were so many public expressions of grief. they believed that having any memorials for a student who died by suicide would encourage other people to die the same way. in their rush to erase the circumstances of his death, they erased the memory of his life.

there are so many things i am angry at that high school about in terms of how they treated mental health (mandatory reporting and collaborating with cops, their refusal to recognize the ways in which that system led to peer-to-peer crisis support, their refusal to recognize the ways that trying to keep each other alive through trial and error was scary and exhausting, carceral disciplinary policies, etc etc etc). but i think one of the things i am still angriest about is the way they enforced shame around his death. it felt like they were retroactively blaming him for the constellation of circumstances that made suicide an option in his life. it felt like they were blaming those of us who missed him and cared about him and wanted to grieve him. it made those of us still there who were actively suicidal feel even more scared about the reaction if we did reach out for help from one of those mythical safe adults.

as an adult now involved in psych abolition/mad liberation work, it makes me so fucking mad to see the ways in which he was discarded by people in authority positions. and the older i get, the more options i have found in my life for making sense of the world and finding healing and community and support which were never available to him because he died when he was 16 and the only things offered to him were a carceral psychiatric system that blamed him for his own fucking death. it feels so incredibly unfair.

i miss him and i think i always will; i can't remember his laugh or the sound of his voice or his favorite color any more and that aches. this grief is so heavy and it feels harder in a new way each year, when i become older than he will ever be. sometimes meeting new comrades or seeing new anticarceral suicide support models hurts because i wish so fucking bad that we had that back then. i remember how close we came to losing even more people that year and i know it is simple fucking luck that i'm still here when he's not.

i remember another letter (never sent) that i wrote to a friend while they were in an ICU bed after a suicide attempt when i didn't know if they would live or not. i have spent so much time in the past 10 years begging for anything to keep me and my friends alive, but even in that letter i knew that there is so much fucking violence that is hidden beneath psychiatric logics of cure and safety that promise a "solution" to suicide. I knew that institutionalization, coercion, and shame would not have helped build a life more liveable for him or **** or any of the people i've loved and lost since.

there needs to be more fucking options for care and support that aren't so incredibly cruel to suicidal people. i know so many people doing incredible work in alternatives, peer respite, a million different frameworks for healing and liberation. but it makes me so mad every day i have to live in a world where there are still people restrained, locked up in psych wards, having all autonomy and personhood taken away from them. knowing there are dozens of people every day getting blamed for their deaths the same way he was blamed for his.

i miss him. i cared so fucking much for him. and he died by suicide, and all of those things are true. he has been dead for 6 years and he lived before that and the people who loved him want to remember all of him; our celebrations of his life should not require hiding the way that he died.

Image description: [1000 origami cranes in all different colors and patterns that are tied together in strings of 25]

(these were the 1000 cranes we made to give to his parents, in memorial and recognition of how much he meant to us.)

#personal #suicide tw #suicide mention tw #psych abuse tw #psych ward tw #ok to reblog if u want #psych abolition #mad liberation #psych survivor #it's a lot of grief hours over here and will be for a while all week i think #lots of grief so many ways this year for so many people #but this week. his memory . my grief for him #is hitting especially hard. i think partially because of all the transitions in my life. i'm graduating college. he will never become an ad #adult. #i think i might ask my roommates if they will go do something to remember him with me. maybe making origami cranes and sending them off in #the river. or writing things down and burning them #idk. grief is hard #six years in grief is different. but hard

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Smell Check [Easy: Failure]

MDZS Disco Elysium AU part 1 (part 2 - part 3)

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #lan wangji #disco elysium #MDZS Disco Elysium AU #So sad I didn't manage to get this comic out on the 15th (pd-mdzs's 8 month anniversary and DE's 4th year anniversary) but I'm here *now* #I have a very extensive and detailed MDZS Disco Elysium AU that I am Not Normal About. #I've seen a few other people point out the potential in a crossover (true) but they make the mistake in having it be set in 51! #A true crossover would take place closer to The Antecentennial Revolution! #Disco Elysium did not go that hard on its cool lore for people to only make surface level crossovers!!! #One day I'll write the fic or post my notes. I don't know who would read it but it tickles *my* brain and that's enough. #No spoilers for DE (here or in comments (please)) but please consider....Magpie Wei Wuxian B*) On his way to be an innocent. #I do think there is a good chance a chunk of the MDZS readership would enjoy DE but...it's also not a game I easily recommend #It's more of an experience you have to marinate over. It's dark in ways that are off putting to some people. #It makes you feel like a very bad person all the time. It gets extremely personal if you allow yourself to be honest in your answers #and it's also the game that saved my life. My life was truly forever changed after playing disco elysium. #If I recommend it to people it's a badge of the trust I have in you to appreciate something dear to me B'*) #If you decide to play: PLEASE go in as blind as possible. You will regret spoiling yourself. #edit: this is based on real disco elysium dialogue. HDB has many canon kinks but this is not one of them

[microclown]

I've been stuck on viewing Maggie as Crowley's mirror, and for most of the show I like that interpretation. But once I started thinking of Nina as Crowley's Mirror in the ball scene specifically, I made a connection....

Aziraphale is playing God here. He has a vision- a happy romantic evening where people speak Victorian English, dress nicely, dance, and fall in love -and he wills everyone present to conform to his plan. But Nina doesn't conform. Nina feels like something isn't right. She asks questions.

She asks Aziraphale what's going on, why she doesn't feel sad when she knows she's sad, and Aziraphale doesn't give her a satisfactory answer. He tells her that the important thing is that she's here. She's here to play a role in his great plan. To dance in his ball.

So she expresses her concerns to Maggie. Maggie hadn't seen the issues at first, but she listens to Nina, and Nina gets her to acknowledge the absurdity of the situation just a little bit. Listen to their conversation at the dance again. It sounds SO MUCH like the conversations we've heard Crowley and Aziraphale have a thousand times during their 6000 year dance. Crowley calling out heaven, asking questions, trying to get Aziraphale to consider the absurdity of it all. Aziraphale mostly defending heaven, but listening, and sometimes acquiescing.

And this all falls in line with a point I've made before - In season 2, Crowley's relationship with Aziraphale begins to mirror his relationship with heaven. Aziraphale shows a pattern of not listening to Crowley the whole season, but especially in this scene. Crowley tries to ask him what is going on, and alert him to very real danger, but Aziraphale is dismissive. He is blinded by his desire to see his plan to fruition.

And just so we're clear, this is not an Aziraphale hate post. Rather, I think it might give us some insight into where God is coming from. Because Aziraphale's actions may be dismissive and controlling, but they are motivated by love. Misguided, certainly, but with all the best intentions. I have a feeling, when we finally meet God, it will be a similar story. And maybe both She and Aziraphale will learn that sometimes to love means to let go.

#keeping this post short because if I think about it too much I'm going to make myself sick #like how Maggie and Nina's conversation happens while dancing #and aziraphale and crowley have been having that same conversation and doing the same dance for 6000 years #it's so romantic and heartbreaking and poetic I think I might actually die #Also... think about how Lindsey broke up with Nina right before this scene #kind of like how heaven broke up with Crowley before the earth began fuck fuck fuk #and then Crowley yells at Nina to trust someone for once in her life like... #he knows nothing about her he's projecting SO HARD #good omens #good omens 2 #good omens season 2 #gos2 #good omens meta #ineffable husbands #aziraphale #aziraphale x crowley #crowley #crowley x arizaphale #aziracrow #neil gaiman #go2 #maggie and nina #reposting slightly edited because I made a mistake the first time #thank you @tip-top-tickety-boo for pointing it out!

[waterghostype]

mm ^_^

#ninjago #jaya #jay walker #nya jiang #nya smith #nya ninjago #ninjago jaya #jay ninjago #ninjago jay #im so busy rn this is the best content i can give atm… #RAGHHHHHH! STRAIGHT PEOPLE!!! #nyas so happy ���😊shes so joyous #im a firm believer in nya falling harder btw like jay fell HARD but nya fell hit her head instant doom died came back to life kept falling #of course jay is crazy but i think nya is straight maniacal…she just keeps it in which is why shes explosion combustion nuclear reactor #do my tags ever make sense