#NOT A SINGLE NEUROTYPICAL EXPLAINATION FOR THESE FUCKS

[foundgirlpigeon]

Which fontaine character is autistic and why is it all of them

#FR THO #NOT A SINGLE NEUROTYPICAL EXPLAINATION FOR THESE FUCKS #ALL OF THEM ARE NEURODIVERGENT AS FUCK #genshin impact #genshin #fontaine #genshin impact 4.0 #navia #neuvillette #chlorinde #furina #arlecchino #childe #tartaglia #lyney #lynette #lyney and lynette #Who's left #That steambird reporter girl #And the other characters that I haven't encountered yet

[headspace-hotel]

i have an overwhelming amount of hatred for autism research because all they fucking care about is finding out the "cause" of autism. i am so sick and tired of having to educate every single professional I encounter about the barest basics of my disability I am TIRED.

Someone please just do a study that's like "Sensory overload is a thing for autism and it has these effects! This is how long it can take to recover! This is the kinds of things that can set it off! This is how it affects the ability to function!" Please please please I am tired of trying to explain to people that sensory overload doesn't immediately stop when the stimulus is removed and that seriously overextending my processing of stimuli will take multiple days to recover from.

Neurotypical folks don't have any intuitive sense of what things will cause sensory overload and a limited concept that this is different for every autistic person. Why is there no recognition of the need in research to define the scope and variety of autistic people's struggles so clinicians can actually help them.

No, the researchers are too busy studying social behavior in fucking zebrafish to discover the "autism gene." Autism speaks and its ilk can die in a fire

[fishing-lesbian-catgirl]

Autism sensory overload feels fucking horrible and the worst part is that you can’t really explain how it feels to people without coming across poorly. How am I supposed to explain to a neurotypical person that right now sitting somewhat nearby two separate groups of people having conversations at similar volumes is making me feel like I’m going to explode

To me it sounds like everyone in the room is talking and trying to get louder and louder to be heard over eachother and talking faster and faster and it’s escalating and now suddenly every single sensation my body is experiencing from my hair touching my face to fabric of my socks is suddenly screaming and the lights are bright and buzzing and I feel like I’m going to die. To them it’s literally just having a normal conversation while someone else 15-20 ft away is also having a conversation

[copperbadge]

Every so often I get an Anon ask where I'm not entirely comfortable responding in public with no cut or warnings ahead of the text -- it's not that anything inappropriate is being said, it's just sometimes the subject matter's a little rough. This is one of those, so I decided to copy and paste it and put it behind a cut; warnings for discussion of abuse and fraught familial situations.

You've spoken about having ADHD before, and i was wondering if you have any links to websites with resources for adults with ADHD that are more than the very generic "stay organised!", "eat healthily!", "avoid distractions!" things? like, something that explains ADHD and WHY getting organised is good, maybe? or how ADHD may intersect with anxiety? my mother finally went to a doctor and got (as i expected) an ADHD diagnosis, but the doctor told her medication wouldn't give her much at this point, which is fine, but she's just kept going as usual for her, which is not.

she has ignored everything i've told her before (like, to think ahead and prioritise, to make plans, to make lists, that she has to be systematic about it, to stay calm because if she has a plan everything should be done on time) but she ignores me. she just starts doing whatever, whenever, and then getting annoyed/anxious that "nothing" is done, and then she starts yelling at me.

i just want her to realise she MUST at least attempt to be organised, and that it's not just for work stuff, it's for everything, including every day stuff like chores. (also, i'd like to stop being yelled at. like, some of my first memories are of getting yelled at. it's been years and years of regular bouts of screaming. now i know it's her and not me, and i'd. like it to stop)

i apologize for the huge ask/rant, but yeah, do you know of any resources that explain the importance of being organised? i think if i show her something 'official' maybe she'll start doing it. or do you have any personal tips for talking to her about it? or a book about someone's experience with ADHD? anything. anything at all.

So there is...much to unpack here, as the kids say, both in terms of what you are asking directly and what you are not asking but what I'm going to address anyway. I don't have any great resources for what you're looking for, because neurodiversity comes in a lot of shapes and sizes even within a single diagnosis, and as you likely know I'm a big proponent of doing-what-works, and that's something a person has to figure out for themselves. A lot of people seem to find ADDitude very relatable and they are informative, but that's probably the best general resource out there to go deeper than surface, and a good place for her to start reading if she wants to.

But the real problem, Anon, is that she's never going to listen to you.

That seems like a real bold statement, but it is also extremely likely to be true. Most people who get a diagnosis start to work on themselves and learn more about their unique neurology; it's clear she's not going to do that, and you can't make her. I'm sure some of it is that she's been told her entire life, by people with much more power over her than you, to do those things: be organized, make lists, have a plan. They are the hardest things for people with ADHD to do, and she can't simply whip herself through them, and so she learned long ago to ignore anyone saying anything about it. Medication could help with that a lot, actually, so your mother's doctor really fucked you both by telling her it wouldn't do anything for her; whether she's taken that as permission to ignore the problem or whether she just believed him, he did a really shitty thing in doing that.

Your mother is neurologically incapable of forcing herself to do many things that neurotypical people find easy. There are workarounds, yes; some of us do extremely well if we decide that EVERYTHING has to be planned, and behave accordingly. Some of us find stopgaps. But that has to be a decision she makes, to find workarounds for herself. It's not something you can offer her with helpful websites or books, because she is also likely very deep in shame about it, to judge from her other behaviors. That's not your fault, which means it's also not your job to fix it.

And here's the other problem: you are in an abusive home situation where your mother is taking out her frustration with her mental illness by hurting you.

And that really really sucks and I'm really, really sorry. But the screaming-at-you, which absolutely should not be happening, is a result of decades of frustration at the world that won't accommodate her, combined with an inability to regulate her emotions. Unless she is medicated or learns better regulation or at least picks a different target, it's not going to stop. That's not your fault either. Some of it isn't even her fault. (Some of it is; mental illness is not our choice but it is our responsibility, and she is not behaving as either an adult or a parent should in abusing you because she can't find somewhere else to put all her emotions.)

Presumably you are either too young to leave or can't afford to, but the best possible thing you can do for yourself is get out as soon as you can, sever yourself from her financially, and then decide what level of interaction you want with her going forward. Honestly, may be the best thing for her as well, to realize that if she doesn't make a change, she will lose access to her child.

I realize that is almost certainly not immediately possible, however. Do not leave if you are going to a less safe situation, either. Be smart and strategic -- make your plans and prepare as much as possible ahead of time.

"So in the meantime, Sam, what the fuck am I supposed to do?"

Bearing in mind that we are going to assume you cannot help your mother, as she either doesn't want help or is in denial or both, the best thing you can do if you can't get out is to shore yourself up: remind yourself as regularly as possible that none of this is your fault, and do your best to protect yourself both emotionally and physically. IE, if she's not organized enough to buy groceries or cook, do what you can to make sure you are regularly fed -- do not concern yourself with whether she eats. That's her responsibility, she's a grownup. If you are likely to be yelled at for this -- well, she was always going to yell at you about something; it might as well be as a result of you caring for yourself first. As much as you can, spend time away from her if possible.

Given her past behavior, especially if you are an only child or oldest sibling, you may already be de-facto head of household; this may be simply a process of assuming actively that she can't fulfill that role, and doing what you can to care for yourself and any siblings. If you have other family who understand the situation, I strongly suggest tapping them for help. As much as you can, reach out to adults in your life you trust, and get their help in caring for yourself and your family without needing to depend on her for support.

I don't wish to stigmatize mental illness or addiction but living with someone in denial about the impact of their mental health on those around them is exactly like living with an addict: the best strategy is to expect nothing from them, remind yourself often that you are not to blame for this situation, look out for yourself first and foremost, and get out once you can. I'm really sorry it has to be that way, because it shouldn't be. But I'm concerned with you, not with her, and if you want to build a better life for yourself, it's going to have to be one that doesn't depend on you being able to change someone else.

I'm afraid I don't have a lot of books for you about that, either. I wish you all the luck -- you shouldn't need it, but unfortunately sometimes we still do.

#sam has adhd #mental health #abuse #toxic family

[skylarsblue]

billy loomis / stu macher x reader with autism? tysm! and if you can’t do it no worries ^^

(Autism gang, let's go! Also, I added Danny for my own enjoyment, forgive me.)

✦Ghostfaces With a S/O That's Autistic✦

✦Content; No warnings that I can think of, fluff, GN!Reader with nothing specified physically✦ ✦Stu; He/Him, Billy; He/Him, Danny; He/They✦

✧Stu Macher✧

I'm fairly certain Stu is neurodivergent, ADHD specifically. You look at this man and tell me he has a neurotypical brain, I dare you. Yeah, no, you can't.

Now given this is 1995-1996, the concept of people having ADHD & Autism wasn't super accepted. Honestly, people treated it like a devastating blow most of the time. (Sadly, not a whole lot has changed) I imagine Stu doesn't really understand what being neurodivergent really means. Like, he knows what autism is, but he's got a bit of a warped view of what it means for you. You can blame media for the majority of it, but don't worry! He's not gonna go Anti-Vax Mom™ on yo ass.

He'll actually listen to you, even if he doesn't fully understand. You'll have to break it to him that Autism isn't a life-destroying thing. It just means you process things a bit differently, have sensitivities, etc. He'll grab the concept pretty quickly.

When you explain stuff like sensory processing issues, he'll actually relate really hard. Stu's lived his whole life thinking he was just weird for his reactions to certain stimuli, but when you describe your own experiences, it makes him question.

Bringing up that he might have ADHD won't make him want to get tested, he doesn't see a need, it won't change anything about him and he's not huge on the idea of medications. But, he will ask you more questions. Autism & ADHD are different but they do have a decent amount of overlap and you know more than he does so he trusts your judgment.

"Wait is that why I feel like I wanna tear my skin off when I feel velvet?! ...YOU MEAN NOT EVERYONE HEARS ELECTRICITY? IT'S JUST US?!"

Mans has an epiphany every five seconds while you're talking.

When it comes to him helping you, he tries his best, but he's spacey and forgets certain things. Still, he does his best to keep it all in mind. If he knows there's one food you absolutely can't stand, he'll keep it off your plate. Even if it means scraping it all onto his own and making a mess.

Is there a sound that makes it feel like your head's about to explode? He'll cover your ears, put his head on your head/shoulder and hum something.

Sometimes, if you two share a sensitivity, he'll loudly express his hatred for it and insist you both leave/get rid of whatever's causing it.

Has probably broken something that was making a noise you both hated. "Ugh, finally. Look, see? Problem solved! Aren't I a genius, babe?"

Stu absolutely understands the consumption of hyperfixations and he supports you completely. If it's something he can't get into, sometimes he comes across a bit aloof to it, because it doesn't give his brain the dopamine rush it does for you. Still, he's glad you have something you enjoy and he'll still listen to your rants. As long as you do the same for him.

If you both are hyperfixating on the same thing at the same thing? Bro, y'all annoy the shit out of everyone and he does not give a single fuck.

If anyone makes you feel like shit for talking about it, he's gonna rip them a new one. He makes fun of their biggest insecurities if he feels they deserve it. Is it cruel? Yes, but he, doesn't, care. If you don't wanna feel his wrath, you sit there and listen intently to his baby's ramblings, damnit.

Stu's a pretty intense dude and he likes a lot of stimulation. But he understands if you get overwhelmed sometimes. His tolerance for lots of stuff going on is a lot higher than most people. Again, he'll cover your ears if it's a lot of noise. He'll cover your eyes if it's too much visual stimuli, keep you close to his body in a crowd. This also helps if you're shorter than him because he can surround you completely, helps feel like you're disconnected from the stressors around you.

He's hella rich, he'll get you all the fidget toys you want. All the shit you want for a hyperfixation. Best believe you get the best headphones and music player the market has to offer for those times you need to drown shit out.

He's a touchy-feely person and he's likely to forget your physical boundaries sometimes if touch is a problem for you. But he'll always apologize when you correct him. If touch isn't a problem, he's super cuddly. And if you're the type to be only okay with touch from specific people, he gets a huge ego boost from being that person.

He's a bit boney & fidgety but makes a decent human blanket.

An overall 10/10 for a Neurodivergent Partner.

✧Billy Loomis✧

I'm gonna be real with you, chief. He's not the best. He's not terrible! But not the best. I'm not saying he's gonna bully you for the things you do, no, he's an overall sweet partner in all honesty. He's patient and understanding.

Still, if he doesn't understand a thing you're doing, he might come across a bit annoyed. Like if you have an audible stim that you keep repeating, his tone comes across a bit snappy when he asks why you do it. He's not trying to upset you, his temper's just a bit shaky.

Sitting him down and explaining that you're autistic might get you a few annoying questions. He's not an asshole, he means well, but the questions come across rude. Ex; "But you don't act autistic.", "But you do (insert stereotypical thing).", etc. If you tell him that most of the stuff he knows is basically all poor representation and rumors, he'll give you a pretty basic apology and he'll stop. Billy will also ask what else is a result of shitty ideas of autism so he knows better. (You'll need to tell him that the R-word is a slur. He doesn't really use it but it's good for him to be aware.)

I personally see Billy as neurotypical, but he's been friends with Stu for a long time. If you have behaviors that overlap with Stu's, he'll handle it perfectly. He's a veteran at it.

Sometimes he'll think you're being a bit too sensitive about sensory stimuli, but when you explain it's not just that you dislike something, he'll be more willing to understand.

"It's just a bit of corn, it's not that bad." "Billy, when I bite into a single kernel, it triggers my fight or flight response, my body goes into panic mode, and I wanna tear my hair out and throw up. It is that bad." "...oh. Aight, here, trade me."

When it comes to overstimulation caused by stuff like noise and people, he actually understands. He's an introvert and large crowds exhaust him, which makes him irritable. If he sees you starting to get antsy and uncomfortable in a loud environment, he'll give you his walkman headphones and find a reason for you both to leave. He's excellent at manipulation, he'll find a way.

If you have skin sensitivity, he'll start keeping things on him that help alleviates it. Scissors to cut tags out of your clothes, a spare shirt(that's his because he totally has a kink for that), hand sanitizer, etc.

Best believe he's ready to throw hands with anyone who gives you shit. He will whoop ass, no hesitation. Billy's a very possessive & protective partner most of the time, he's ready to defend your honor at the drop of a hat.

He's got his hobbies and likes, but he doesn't have anything he'd consider a hyperfixation. Still, he'll be perfectly happy for you that you've found one. Sometimes he has to ask you to stop talking when you're rambling about it, but he learned after the first two times to specify it wasn't personal. He just needs quiet every now and then and he knows you'll get sad if he isn't actually listening to you.

Like Stu, he'll be very happy if your hyperfixation has anything to do with his own interests. Billy will actually be impressed if you know more niche facts and nuances than he is, this is often the easiest way to hold his attention when you're in a long info-dump.

He's not as rich as Stu, but he's got some decent money, plus a part-time job. His spare money will definitely be spent on your interests, no matter what it is. It could be a hyper-specific brand of toys and he'll buy the most expensive one they offer. He wants you to be happy! (And the terrible part of him wants to have the leverage to keep you loyal to him, no matter how terrible his actions get)

Despite his struggle to understand sensory processing disorder, he actually offers some pretty decent suggestions to get around it. Using myself as an example, I often struggle to brush my teeth because it'll feel like bugs are in my teeth. If you had something like this, he'd come up with a potential solution on the spot. "What if you brushed them in the shower? That way you can focus more on the water than the brushing."

Again, similarities between you and Stu will catch his attention and he'll make a mental note of it. One, he'll see if he can use his experience with Stu to handle your symptoms better. Two, he'll definitely consider asking you if Stu's neurodivergent.

Not the best, but he's trying his best. Solid 7/10.

✧Danny Johnson✧

ANOTHER NEURODIVERGENT.

I headcanon that Danny has AuDHD, which is both Autism & ADHD. Once he was diagnosed (well into his twenties), it was like they had opened pandora's box. Researching it made them go "OHH THAT'S WHY" every five seconds.

He grew up in rural Utah with a shitty dad who would definitely not treat Danny well if he knew about his son's neurodivergence. But that doesn't matter cause the bastard's dead. Letting Danny have the freedom to research the topic to his heart's content, which he does. It helped them immensely in terms of lifestyle.

When you come into his life and explain that you're autistic, he's completely accepting right off the bat. That's also assuming he wasn't stalking you for months prior to your relationship and that he didn't already know to begin with.

He's probably the most equipped to handle things like sensory overload & sensitivities, given he has so many himself. He's also, ironically enough, got the most patience for things like stims & info-dumping. Danny's a tempermental hypocrite but on this list he's the most chill with these things, funny eh?

They absolutely pick up on some of your stims and you pick up on his. It makes them so much worse, but it's cute. His main stims involve his hands and little sounds with his mouth, like whistling or humming.

Your food sensitivities don't need to be explained to him, he's got a million. It's aggravating because he wants to be a foodie so bad but then they have all these damn sensory problems. If a single piece of broccoli will ruin your entire meal, broccoli will be essentially banned from the house. He's a romantic like that.

Pre-cuts tags from your clothes, picks out things from pre-made meals that you hate before he even gives it to you, has a plethora of scented candles you like to cover up troublesome smells, and he's got a million versions of headphones/earbuds. They all work he just loses them constantly, buys more, then finds the originals again. Honestly, they have a whole drawer dedicated to music players.

Your ability to stick to a schedule helps out with his ADHD experience. He's got a pretty decent routine himself, but sometimes he'll fuck it up and find it hard to get back on track. For example, they've misplaced their meds and it's fucking up their whole morning? There you are with the correction and they're back on track. He'll jokingly call you a saint for it.

Sometimes his temper gets touchy and he'll get snappy at something you do. (This is more a general thing and less an Autistic thing) He gets real guilty when you look at him with sadness and quickly apologizes. Which is baffling, given they were pretty sure they were incapable of guilt for a long time.

"I'm sorry, sorry, it's not you. Not mad at you. Mad at this other thing, it's not personal, doll, sorry."

If you're overstimulated, Danny's got you covered, rest assured. He's got earbuds, at least three fidget toys, and he's always ready to give you comforting pressure. Whether it's by acting like a weighted blanket or a tight hug. They also really appreciate when you return the favor when they've had a bad day at work.

They get a huge ego boost if you consider him your main comfort, or if your comfort object is something of his. Like a gift they gave you or some article of their clothing.

Actively researches your hyperfixation so he can engage in conversation with you about it. They like seeing you get all excited when they bring it up. Most of the time, he ends up having a hyperfixation on it as well. If you do the same for him? You're asking for a cuddly bitch of a man.

Feels their cold heart melt when you do something to help their AuDHD. Remembering his safe foods, his fidgets, etc. If he wasn't obsessed before, he is now.

Anyone who gives you shit for being autistic is dead by morning, that's a basic rule. If you defend him against bullshit? He's fucking the shit out of you.(/hj)

Considers you a hyperfixation, honestly.

100/10, you caught a winner with Danny. If you don't mind obsessive behavior, possessiveness, and murder. But c'mon. You're here. Of course, you don't mind.

#slasher x reader #slasher headcanons #slasher community #slasher #slashers #scream 1996 #billy loomis x reader #billy loomis #billy loomis x you #stu macher x reader #stu macher #stu macher x you #danny jed olsen johnson #danny johnson #dbd ghostface x reader #dbd ghostface #dead by daylight #ghostface x reader #ghostface #gender neutral reader #headcanons #autistic characters #adhd memes

[theultimatemercenary69]

Sonic and Infinite are so fucking GRAUGHHHHHHHH I want. To study them in a lab. I don’t know how to convey the emotions I feel for this dog and hedgehog so please bare with me

Before I start my bs I just wanted to say this post actually goes out to @neurotypical-sonic and uh @beloved-user (and maybe a few other people but those were the only 2 that I saw had said anything at the time of writing this) because they wanted to see this content in the world so shoutout to them for giving me the courage to post about these cringe fail mobians (I am the sonic and infinite psychoanalysis anon btw)

there’s so much under the cut please be careful also please be nice it’s 2 am and I’m very emotionally fragile

The fact that sonic and infinite are 2 sides of the same coin yet also thematic foils to each other is just sending me over the deep end I can’t take it ARGHHHHHHH (I am willingly taking it)

You’re probably asking “what the actual fuck are you going on about dude” and to this I raise you all of this entire post (you’re gonna regret asking)

A few things before I start, this is obviously gonna be Forces bullshit because I Bear The Curse™️also I’m only gonna be talking about the English version of the game because sadly I have not been able to play or see the japanese dub yet, I’ll do that later though 

Also if there’s photos with shit quality, sorry, that’s on me

Ok autism activated let’s go

Let’s start with our obvious main man Sonic, the blue blur. I’m gonna start with something that irked a lot of people, and that is the fact that Sonic seemingly came out fine after being tortured for 6 months.

The thing is, he was absolutely not fine, at all, it was just so subtle that it was genuinely hard to tell, but once you notice, you continue to notice. The first thing you can see is that he is acting a lot more brutal I guess I could say??? 

I mean, look at the end of the Zavok fight, he beats the ever loving shit out of Zavok with his hands, not a few homing attack or spin dashes, his fucking hands, I don’t know how often that happens outside of games where the actual gimmick is hand to hand combat, but it seems pretty weird to me how he just keeps hitting Zavok and he just stares at him as he falls, panting and out of breath from how relentlessly he was attacking him

Second, he’s constantly talking about how he wants and will get revenge for what happened, he doesn’t let up that he’s going to get revenge, and I was actually kind of shocked when he started saying that I was kinda like “woah calm down buddy” (note, one of these screenshots is from the wiki because I couldn’t get the image from the game, also, these 2 are just from the cutscenes I could find, there’s so much more, this hog can hold so much malice and rage)

Third? Now this one is my favorite to talk about, because it really shows just how drastic Sonic and Infinite really are, the scene it occurs in is during the infinite fight with sonic and the avatar character, during the first stage where it’s just sonic

You may say “ok what’s special about the reskinned metal sonic fight?” sarcastically but this is a very important fact to me, and the fact is that Sonic just straight up implies to Infinite’s face that he’s gonna murder him!

 The line he says is played off as a kinda joke, but the way Sonic says it is so genuine that it’s a little bit disturbing, it’s a fridge horror kind of moment where you look at the line, maybe giggle, but after a quick google you realize just how fucked the line is because of the inclusion of one word, one single word.

The word being “Epitaph.” An Epitaph being the phrase or words written on someone’s tombstone in memory of them.

Now, you may know what line I’m referring to if you’re like me and reply that fight alot, but if you don’t know the line that’s fine, I’m gonna explain it either way because it’s very important to me!

So the fight starts and the first lines said are these;

Infinite: What would you like your epitaph to read? How about “Here lies the blue buffoon”?

Sonic: Why not “Here dozes the masked clown”? Might as well make it for the person who needs one, right?

I think you can see where I’m going with this point, let’s move on now to the other point I wanted to make, which is also kind of a major tone shift from the point above

This point ties in with the “2 sides of the same coin” bit, but the point I want to make is that Sonic needed companionship to win. (Take a drink of water every time I write the word “companionship” or anything similar starting now, see how hydrated you get)

He needed the avatar character to support him throughout that fight, he needed the avatar & classic to help him defeat the eggman and ruby as well, he needed companionship. 

This theme of him needing support and a companion is echoed through the very song that is the theme of forces, I am, of course, referring to Fistbump

AGGHHHH I LOVE FISTBUMP SO MUCH IT’S SO GOOD THEMATICALLY AND IT’S ALSO JUST A GOOD SONGi want you to know I’m snarling and biting and growling like a rabid animal but in a good way I’m sorry I just needed to say that real quick back to the point I was trying to make

Now, the first indication that Sonic needs companionship is that Fistbump is literally him “speaking” to the avatar character, the lyrics portray this perfectly, but I am going to stop myself before I go on a tangent about this song for too long, so next um dot point

The second indication he needs companionship using Fistbump is that it plays whenever he double boosts with the Avatar and during the level Null Space, the double boost is self explanatory, it’s them working together, they’re being friendly friends!

What people may not completely get is me bringing up Null Space, because, once again, there’s seemingly nothing special but there is. There is to me. In my heart. I love Null Space as well as the other stuff mentioned here because it ties into this insane bs I’m concocting for my viewing pleasure that just so happens to get to be on tumblr too!!

Null Space is a level where Infinite sends Sonic and, accidentally, the Avatar character to the level’s namesake, Null Space. Null Space is devoid of substance or life, it is the loneliest place you could ever be, but here Sonic and the Avatar are, the complete antithesis of such a concept, they are together, they are safe with each other, they are going to get out of there together.

And so they escape, and what is playing in the background as they do so? A version of Fistbump dedicated specifically to that level.

Before I can make the rest of my points, we have to talk about the elephant, er… jackal, in the room; Infinite.

Let’s start with a general thingy like we did with sonic, now, I’m not gonna go over his actions in game, they speak for themselves, I will, however, be talking about the implications of his actions; his morals, his values, all of that

First off let’s collectively discuss and by discuss I mean go ‘what the actual fuck is wrong with this dude’

It’s very clear that he’s just not a “good” person, he does morally frowned upon things like being a mercenary, of course, that’s one of the big ones, but the one that really fucks with me and makes me really wanna pick his brain is that despite Shadow being the one who hurt him, he immediately clicks to Sonic and the best way I can describe it is him going “i NEED to beat the ever loving shit out of that kid right now.”

Like, even during Episode Shadow, he still mentions Sonic with this personal malice that you don’t expect, stating that Sonic won’t be able to stop him, and it’s honestly just kind of weird tbh??? 

So he hates Sonic from the start, he gangs up on him, beats him to the point of unconsciousness, kidnaps him, is indirectly (at least) the cause of 6 months of torture, beats him again, tells him he’s not even worth killing, tries to kill him and the entire resistance by throwing the sun at them and then tries to kill him personally before Sonic can finally get the revenge he wanted.

So I’m sensing a lot of initially one-sided hostility between him and Sonic.

Another point is that his theme seems to be directed towards Sonic, it is mocking him, trying to tear down everything he establishes in Fistbump, stating that friendship will get you nowhere when you rely on it too much, asking who is going to save Sonic from Infinite when he is alone?

This is once again shown with how he interacts with Sonic, using Silver and Infinite’s little tussle as a comparison, yeah, Infinite throws an insult, but it’s as a collective, he says he’s happy to crush a hero to keep the “rabble” (the resistance) in line, but when Sonic appears it becomes very personal

He’s immediately on him, stating that Sonic is “back from the dead”, calling him the “little blue savior” and insisting he can smell Sonic’s fear, glad he’s left an impression, noting that Sonic is “still thrashing around”, in his own words.

He speaks to Sonic so personally, hell, he waits for Sonic to quit talking before tossing Sonic to another part of the jungle to fight him alone. He very well could have gotten rid of Silver and then dealt with Sonic, but he instead decides dealing with Sonic immediately is more important than Silver is. He even says that he will meet Sonic again after that fight.

he also threatens to smash Sonic into blue jelly. I just wanted to mention that because it’s funny that he specifically said he would smash him into BLUE JELLY

So it makes me wonder, what is this dude's issue??? Why is he so obsessed with Sonic? And then it kind of hit me. Sonic is the antithesis of everything he values and believes in, of course he’d be intrigued.

Or, alternatively, he’s intrigued because Sonic is just like him.

Yep, It’s the moment we’ve (me) all been waiting for! We’re finally discussing the “two sides of the same coin” point!

Sonic and Infinite are exact opposites but they are also the exact same! They both so desperately need support and companionship (I’ve covered Sonic’s need, but we can see how Infinite needs support and companionship with how he handles the loss of his squad), they both have the same kind of goal (change the world to be a place they would want to live in, good or bad), they’re both associated with the same people (Shadow and Robotnik)!

They are the exact same but they are exact opposites! They are each other’s foils but they complement each other so well, they are two sides of the same tarnished, damaged coin!

I LOVE SONIC FORCES SO MUCH WHY AM I LIKE THIS

Sonic and Infinite are what they could have been based on how they responded to their own struggles. Infinite could have very well been just like Sonic, dedicated to helping people because of what happened at Mystic Jungle, and Sonic could have very well been just like Infinite, lashing out and hurting everyone in his way because of any of the copious losses he’s been forced to deal with.

But they don’t, they become the person they are because of how they respond to their own struggles, trauma, losses and wins. And that’s the beauty of their characters. 

Sonic and Infinite are foils to each other, it’s a point you can’t argue, but the reason they are foils to each other is because they are the same in some weird, messed up way.

But I wanted to add one more thing before I finish this off.

Infinite very well left an Impression on Sonic. Like it or not, somehow, someway, Infinite’s concepts and ideals imprinted on Sonic and it made him and his own problems worse. So much worse.

I won’t go into too much about that because that links to other things outside of solely Forces, so yeah, tangent done. Thank you for listening

#infinite the jackal #sonic forces #sonic the hedgehog #sth #sonic #infinite #long post #what else should I tag #Sorry if you didn’t want to be @‘d I just love shouting out people because they are cool #*slaps roof of jackal and hedgehog* these bad boys can hold so much trauma and also rage apparently #*also slaps roof of shadow. Idk why I just felt like I should considering we’re talking about forces*

[shakertwelve]

the obvious defense of this point would be that Victoria is simply supposed to be Wrong About It, which I would love, except that the narrative very carefully bends to make sure that Victoria is Always Right, and ESPECIALLY Always Right about Cape Science

[ context: the quote we're talking about: “I guess it doesn’t make sense as a thing powers would do.  Powers tend to steer clear of the suicidal, the helpless, the invalid, or people who are limited.” ]

my best guess as to what wildbow meant, if he put any thought into this at all? this is ward's version of the scene in worm that goes out of its way to make clear that labyrinth is not autistic and had a "normal" mind before her trigger (and the similar clarification about bitch). wildbow didn't want to write about developmental disabilities, probably because he thought he didn't know enough about the subject not to mess up and get in trouble for writing something offensive, so his solution was to just state that no one in parahumans is meant as "representation" of that demographic and avoid the issue altogether. this at least makes some kind of sense, if you are wildbow.

the obvious issue here is that this quote doesn't just single out developmental disabilities, but is phrased broadly enough to apply to almost any kind of illness or disorder. worm presents superpowers as explicitly tied to a traumatic event and as a metaphor for the effects of trauma, and experiencing other forms of illness and distress make someone much more likely to process an event as a trauma, so logically, mentally ill and disabled people should be overrepresented in the parahuman population (feeling "helpless" or distressed enough to be suicidal are common elements to many parahuman triggers), and the ways capes tend to act in the text of both books consistently reflect this. the only other explanation i can think of is that we're using an extremely restrictive definition of mental disorders (i.e. we're being the guy who thinks adhd isn't a real neurotype, so imp and kid win don't count, and low-empathy is just code for being a bad person, so cradle doesn't count, and so on...), and even that doesn't explain why we're claiming physically disabled people also can't get powers, when wildbow has written about it happening plenty of times (thank you @john-cherry-the-6th for bringing up this wog about triggers in suicidal people that includes the trigger event of a coma patient). also, we've seen that powers can cure illnesses as part of the trigger (see: vikare, famously the first hero ever, whose powers manifesting cured his cancer) if they really need to (they don't even do it all the time if the host isn't dying and can still fight with the power, like genesis), so why would they care if a prospective host is disabled? but whatever--let's disregard all evidence to the contrary and assume that all capes were 100% Mentally Normal (a very objective standard) before their triggers, so their erratic behavior after triggering must be purely the influence of their superpowers.

of course, now we have to go back to the first part of the quote. victoria claims that she doesn't think it's likely that finale's powers would affect her mental development after she manifested them, because powers want their hosts to be able and ready for action. so that can't be why capes like labyrinth and bitch exist, either; powers avoid choosing "limited" people as hosts and they also don't want to make their hosts limited, therefore all parahumans must be healthy because shards want healthy hosts. except there's absolutely no way any scientific study of parahumans in this world would come to this conclusion! scores of therapists run themselves ragged dealing with the various complexes of just the heroic capes, and capes on the "villainous" side are understood to be, on average, even more unstable! victoria has been working with jessica yamada, who definitely knows this, for ages! what the fuck is she talking about!

CONCLUSION: ??? wildbow got confused while writing about his own setting's alien brain parasites and started describing yeerks instead

#ask

[fumifooms]

Autistic reading of Hirofumi + general observations

The time has come. I’m talking about cryptid boy. I adore him, and to me he reads as autistic highkey. Earlier today this post happened and it just made me want to get into the nitty gritty of him: https://fumifooms.tumblr.com/post/704906702244429824/his-whole-job-is-keeping-chainsaw-man-alive-and What’s funny too is, because well, we have Asa right there, Yuko too, and arguably others like Denji or Power which, yeah, y’all got a place on the spectrum- But when it comes to Hirofumi people jump a lot to more supernatural explanations for his vibes being “off”. When, like… The fact that you can’t read him isn’t necessarily because he’s some conspiracy. Not to say that he’s not suspicious, he is, but it’s funny to me that people don’t consider that mostly he may just be… Socially inept. Irl people like him exist, I assure you. Autism makes the dream work, amirite.

Tldr: He’s my kind of autism (aka he’s me irl. His behavior was my way of adapting to a neurotypical world, too! I try to keep projection out of this analysis, tho). Developed a mastery of social behavior to seem friendly and casual until his social acting became too much instead of too little (the latter being the one usually associated with autism) and something feels off about him now because he does a front of being neurotypical when he’s autistic as shit. Like a cryptid trying to wear a human suit-disguise and just ends up feeling uncanny, y’know. He’s always cold and calculated on the inside, but attempts to have a warm exterior to put people at ease so he can do his job better and blend in with everyone else without bumps in the road.  I’ll spend this analysis mostly pointing out things about him rather than arguing that they’re inherently autistic traits, since we know little about him the argument is first of all about pining down his character rather than arguing about the nature of the traits, tbh. Still, for anyone familiar with autistic traits a lot of these are super self-explanatory, and I won’t explain all the links.

This is long and has tons of pictures, so I’m putting it under a cut!

Pt 1: social outcast? Two worlds

He appears cool guy to most, sure, but no one really ever… Bothers to interact with him? He’s always there TM, but people don’t talk to him, and he usually keeps his input to conversations to minimum (when they aren’t one-on-one). He doesn’t approach anyone, no one approaches him. It’s a mutual “I don’t really care” between him and the rest of the world. Though, he does get singled out and otherized for being successful in devil hunting at his age, when it’s brought up, and so both by fellow devil hunters and classmates. (Most visible in how the school devil hunting club greets him, but also in part 1 Kishibe forgetting a devil hunter could possibly be a highschooler, etc). From what we see it’s implied he has 0 friends.

I do think remembering that he’s a highschooler for this is important, because Yoshida is essentially between two worlds. Professional devil hunting, which makes him have to be cool-headed and works with professional adults, facing death all the time and quickly develop working chemistry with new colleagues, and highschool, where you have to be normal enough and perform socially, esp since we know bullying is a rampant problem his school has. I do think, as an autistic, that would party explain his behavior; switching behaviors and personas for one or the other would be bothersome and erratic, so he mashes both sides of what he has to be into one personality that can work for both worlds, and keeps the same demeanor for every situation he’s in. Casual and friendly enough for school, always cool-headed and ready to face life-or-death situations for devil hunting. The result is this fucking guy. Feels misplaced in every situation he’s in as a reader, imo at least. I do think he realizes that he can be off-putting, but what he does with that information is kinda unclear. I feel like he feels that he’s above others, in many situations. That or very nihilist. 

Pt 2: His smile, interactions

His smile is 90% of why I saw him as autistic. It’s such an autistic smile. He sucks at it. It doesn’t reach his eyes, it’s clear that it’s always plastered on and it’s empty. He ends up just looking like a sneaky bastard half the time. And like- Remember that time he wanted to see if the hitman in the alley was an hitman or a civilian? It doesn’t seem like he was going for intimidation at all, because in that same interaction he just goes “hm well he’s scared shitless, it can’t be my target.” Plus he doesn’t comment on the civilian clearly being in range to realize he just killed someone, so that part wasn’t intentional, either. His fucking smile when he looked at him?? Guys, he was trying to approach the guy to casually ask him what he’s doing. That fucking smile, was him being casual to ask a rando something. Also there’s something very autistic and funny in “hey yo you good? You’re not a hitman per chance are you?” “Urgh I don’t feel so good” “ok fair, good argument, bye”

I think that interaction perfectly represents what I was saying about him being stuck between two worlds, though. He has to be threatening and cold enough so that if the guy is the assassin he’s giving enough pressure so that he may slip up, but friendly and normal enough so that if he’s a civilian he didn’t just freak him out, and that balance is very important so that he can get the correct information and assessment. But like, he accomplishes all of that through subliminal messaging lol, through vibes, body language etc however you want to say it. And that duality messes his game up, and he’s quick to make assumptions and be confident that they’re the right ones. The latter point is not only supported by the pages below but also through the way he talked with Kishibe about Makima. He’s very intuitive, and rather impulsive once he thinks he has something figured out. It does backfire on him somewhat regularly. Counting the “I am taking away your cutlery so you can’t eat cake until you listen to me” strategy he tried on Denji lol. More on that later.

He also sucks at conversations. Like, he really does. I haven’t seen him holding a good conversation ever highkey. Which, he doesn’t try much, either, as previously mentioned when he’s not one-on-one he talks extremely little. It was easy to forget about his presence when he was on the rooftop with Denji and Asa arguing, or in the aquarium tbh, or in part 1′s gang. He’s easy to lose in a crowd. It was a whole joke when part 2 started; “Be honest guys who here remembered Yoshida existed?”. People in-world look at him and see nothing notable about him, then promptly forget about him when he autistically sticks to being quiet in a corner, while still doing his job efficiently well. He’s good at seeming well-adjusted and normal on the surface, but keeps people at bay just by being a hard to approach milktoast guy. He blends in with the background. He’s great for spy shit, bad for the rest. He seems like he’d be good for interrogations at first, but beyond being observant he’d be absolute shit at it, like his interactions with the assassin guy and Denji prove. He’s honestly not great at reading people. He can puzzle out characteristics or skills they have, but on the more emotional or social workings he has to be walked through things slowly, or just make wild guesses and risky plays.

Moving on, his infamous lame-ass excuses for always being at the same place as Denji all the time? Yeah. I don’t know how much he tries for them to be believable but we all know they fall really flat. Also the way he laughs when he doesn’t know how to react is hilarious. Hirofumi is such an awkward person

General demeanor, tone deafness

It feels like he’s kinda bored all of the time imo, but of course that’s just an assumption based on his demeanor. The classic thing about being autistic is precisely that no one has a clue what’s happening inside, emotions or whatever. He’s so deadpan about everything ever. 

I think the reason he keeps his bangs that way is a sensory thing tbh. Or, I wouldn’t be surprised if he was actively trying to hide his face, his eyes that he can never get to emote right. Maybe he doesn’t like being looked at, or noticed. Maybe it ties in with his devil contract, ink clouds are for hiding + to blind, after all. Ooh maybe something about that is his contract cost- That’d be epic.

His smile is a constant rather than a way to communicate something. Masking. It’s always just plastered on along with his shallow pleasant countenance, it feels almost like a survival tactic, or his state of being. He’s almost beastly sometimes, in part 1 mostly. Like idk how to explain it but the autistic experience of “Masking & emoting for social interactions is my token of survival even if I feel like an animal backed into a corner” is raw and real & f yeah. This bit may seem out of left-field, but yeah if Hirofumi has some internal turmoil I feel like that sort of shit is how he’d go

He has this almost obsession with being casual & appearing friendly, despite how misplaced it can be for the situation. Which does tie in with the smile thing. But yeah just in this pleasant demeanor we’ve discussed, he really does stand out with just how friendly and casual he always is

He’s so tonedeaf. The page below is just after it’s revealed to them that some assassins are after the guy he’s protecting (Denji) and that they can shapeshift. He’s smiling even as he’s saying that they’re in deep, deep shit. This page doesn’t show it well on its own, but he’s the first to recover his composure, esp with Denji half-dead. Beyond Power being Power, everyone is like 😨 Yoshida stands out with his reaction, which goes straight to the point and assess their situation logically all while smiling, but more on that later.

He’s constantly saying grave stuff while being pretty lighthearted. His nonchalant attitude would be comedic if this wasn’t an horror & tragedy manga lol. He just admitted that he’s ready to die & expects it and what, just like that, one sentence and cool let’s get onto the next topic. It is interesting how he acted during the aquarium arc crisis tbh. He truly has no desire to connect with other people, even in this conversation with Denji he’s talking business all through it, rather than anything else. He doesn’t approach or interact with the others, doesn’t give his input on the situation when the group is brainstorming. He just stays in his corner and observes from afar.

Logic-oriented, coldness and laser focus

His rigidly logical nature is actually somewhat of a flaw for him. His rationale makes him make mistakes, such as assuming a pro would never puke. It’s also why he attempts to use reason and logic with Denji so much, which becomes quickly apparent that it doesn’t work with him. This attitude/way of looking at things backfires on him regularly, as mentioned. This is what I mean by laser focus, mostly, because he has a hard time looking beyond a narrow field of possibilities and causal links, like we already discussed. Once it leaves that field he becomes blind to it, he’s so laser focused that not only does he not consider any possibility beyond what his logic tells him, but if something presents itself that doesn’t align with his logic he’ll promptly dismiss it, in a very erratic way.

He’s obviously very very dedicated to his job. He has for sure trained to have his martial arts skills, and he spends pretty much all his time in part 2 looking over Denji. Being part of the background is part of his job, and he has 0 friends. And he’s fine with it. He’s SO good at hiding his emotions and thoughts, because he keeps the same face 90% of the time.

Money is his motivation, we know this. As much as we can know something about him right now, anyways. I wouldn’t be surprised if he does have some ideological devotion for his job’s mission, but he talks about is as his job first of all, and, yeah, money.

I think there’s also something you can say about how it feels like he’s always one step ahead or playing a higher game when holding conversations with people. Which, I think it’s also important to not that that’s only a feeling, and that doesn’t mean that that’s what he’s doing, or rather, intending. Usually, what he says is only ever to inform or figure out something. Anyways- The only time I feel like this is less true, that he’s constantly blatantly playing games in his conversations, is with the convo above with Kishibe. They’re both super honest and blunt, laying all their cards on the table and speaking with a similar demeanor of cold nonchalance. He speaks matter-of-factly, objectively, without empathy, no matter the topic. No matter the topic. Ever. He calculates risks and rewards constantly and only reveals he’s made those maths when he feels like it (Like with the phone he had in the aquarium arc). Anyways, My point here is just that autistic kids tend to get along better with older people than other kids, the classic “oh you’re so mature for your age”, and I feel like that’s reflected well here. The reason of why that is is pretty simple, autistic kids tend to communicate in ways that are different to other kids and which can weird them out, while adults are more used to different kinds of people and more blunt or wordy conversations. It’s Kishibe’s logical outlook and assessment of situations that allow him to keep up with what Hirofumi’s saying instead of being weirded out here, and they have a good & productive conversation as equals because of it. 

I do think that’s a big part of the appeal of yoshiden, because Denji disregards social conventions and common sense so much that even Yoshida gets stumped sometimes, and it makes him feel more like a highschooler, makes him lose control of the situation and even his face for a bit. It’s healthy for him. And it’s fun on top of humanizing this otherwise cryptic character.

As we’ve seen, surprise is the only emotion he emotes other than his smile (neutrality not included). That’s actually a pretty huge thing!! It does confirm on some level that his smile is a constant that he has to put on, since surprise is the only thing that breaks it and makes him emote more genuinely. Look I made a collage lol. These are 100% of the times where he’s not either smiling or having a neutral face. Like… A dozen panels. I think there’s something to say about surprise being the one emotion he emotes and how he can be rather impulsive, too.

He’s very methodical, the way he interacts with people. With Denji especially, we could see him in real time trying to get a read on Denji. He eventually does, learning to provide what Denji wants so he’ll listen to him more.

——

Misc

At last, the most compelling argument /j: HE SITS FUCKIN’ WEIRD!! In the pic below part of it is that they have to be ready to stand up at any moment to fight, but! He also always crosses his legs when sitting, and I think that’s a lovely detail Fujimoto, and also yeah same. Ofc leg-crossing isn’t exclusive to neurodivergent people, but ways people sit can be surprisingly affected by stuff like being understimulated. I always sit cross-legged, I cannot sit normally without some other way to tuck my legs if I don’t have them crossed, or my brain goes blank. I am not kidding. 

ANYWAYS HE SITS FUCKIN WEIRD!! Doing the big lean, look at him go

Also he holds phones like L Lawliet which is really all the evidence you need lol

In conclusion

Have you *seen* the way he just sits and tries to psychanalyze Denji, asking him why he does the things he does? Have you seen a more autistic bitch ever? He oozes the autism in every little thing he does. Honestly I’m surprised there aren’t more people saying the same thing when it’s so blatant. Once you get to a certain threshold of masking and avoiding attention people don’t suspect a thing. I was diagnosed at 18 and my mom at 50, so yeah, relatable lol. I love him so much

Part 1 Yoshida is a lil fella on the job being weird but trying his best and minding his business. Part 2 Yoshida is a deadpan but fake smile master who autistically struggle to connect with people in a way that allows him to do his job well. He’s creepy and uncanny af without meaning to. 

My autism is the direct reason that attracts me to him, rather than aesthetics or anything else, if that makes sense. (I’m not saying that any reason is superior, just that since my autism is what draws me to him as a character it is an argument for him being autistic coded, in that way). I humanize him a lot, and he humanizes me in turn.

#chainsaw man #hirofumi yoshida #yoshida hirofumi #csm manga spoilers #character analysis #Theories #i spent like 5 hours on this help #hirofumi has fumi in his name so ofc he has my heart #csm part 2 #fumi rambles #autistic headcanon #autism headcanon #this is kinda hard to clean up but i did my best

[philsmeatylegss]

Honestly I can’t keep quiet at this point. This generation and tiktok mostly made autism a fucking quirky trend and it makes me want to slam my head in a wall. I genuinely believe 70% of people online who claim to be autistic are not or either are confusing it with another disorder (on tiktok it’s 95% I’m not remotely exaggerating). iT’s A sPeCtRuM NO SHIT DUMBASS. I fucking grew up with an autistic sibling and I was constantly in other places with autistic kids who were higher and lower on the fucking spectrum. But none of them act remotely like the fuckers on #actuallyautistic on fucking TikTok. Controversial opinion I completely stand behind is that self diagnosis isn’t reliable expect for a few conditions. By that, I mean conditions that have clear cut symptoms. You’re always anxious about everything, you probably do have anxiety. But when it comes to Autism, that’s such a fucking complex disorder that even a lot of doctors don’t fully understand. 100% agree that many women, POC, and those who grew up poor couldn’t get a diagnosis and got it later in life. As I said, I was constantly around autistic kids and most were white men. It’s an absolute mockery and disgrace to those online and in real life who actually suffer with Autism. Including people on the high end of the spectrum! Most of these people say they’re autistic and then list the symptoms of anxiety. It’s not a fucking quirky trait or an excuse. It’s not fucking trendy.

And I can’t say anything like this on platforms like tiktok or id be ripped to shreds. People who have little to no real life experiences or knowledge about Autism attacking someone who was always so close to autism that it fucked me up (I know it’s not my sibling’s fault before you yell at me). I’m fucking tired of it. I’m so fucking tired

Very recently the term “glass child” came out which describes siblings of a child with a physical and or mental disability and or a chronic/life threatening illness. The term comes from the fact that a constant feature of being a glass child is being seen through, forgotten, our voices ignored. And when we, people who have had close years of interactions with these disorders try to explain to you why you might be wrong and you just fucking shut them down, you’re just as bad as the people who ignored me when I was growing up.

It happens on here to. Definitely not as often and definitely not as obvious. But I fucking hate that it’s become a fucking trend on here. Yes, I know it’s a way for those with autism to cope, but a lot of people reblogging it are neurotypical. I’m glad it’s a way to cope, but autism isn’t a fucking funny punchline. It is half of the reason I’m fucked up (once again, I don’t blame my sibling).

Remember in 2020 on mostly tiktok and other face showing platforms being LGBTQ+ was a trend and now people say “I’m glad I’m over that phase?” The same fucking thing is happening now with autism. And what’s worse is that it undermines the credibility of those who are actually suffering with autism. I can promise you in the next few years, there will be tons of posts like “remember when I thought I was autistic? Lol worst period of my life, so cringe.” And then it’ll fall back into obscurity once it stops being a trend and when people forget about pretending to be autistic and no one will give a fuck. It happened with fangirl culture. With being LGBTQ+. Only this is more important and not a fucking trend

Idk if I’ll get hate for this or delete it, but I can’t handle it anymore. This really mostly applies to tiktok, but this happens on every single platform. And it genuinely upsets me and I can’t even point out this problem. For fucking once in my life, LISTEN TO ME. I’ve been there. I was there the whole fucking time. I spent my entire childhood dealing with autism and severe mental illness from my parents. I went to so many doctors with him. I couldn’t chose where I wanted my birthday or celebrations about me because it wouldn’t be good for my sibling. Pictures, lines, family trip were filled with screaming. Leaving events early because my sibling couldn’t handle it. Sitting and waiting for him to stop having a tantrum in my room and having fucking no one ask if I was okay. Having none of my emotional needs met do to Autism and other present mental illnesses from my parents. I KNOW WHAT AUTISM IS LIKE. I SPENT EVERY FUCKING DAY SINCE I WAS BORN TILL I WAS 18 RIGHT NEXT TO AUTISM. I DIDN’T GET A BREAK. I WON’T BE ABLE TO LAUGH IN A FEW YEARS BECAUSE I CLAIMED TO BE AUTISTIC. I’M NOT SURE MY BROTHER WILL BE ABLE TO LIVE ON HIS OWN AND HE’L HAVE TO FUCKING LIVE WITH ME. THAT’S THE FUCKING REALITY. THAT’S WHAT AUTISM IS. IT’S NOT BEING AWKWARD AND SOMETIMES OVERWHELMED BY OBJECTS OR SOUNDS. I KNOW THIS FOR A FACT BECAUSE I WAS THERE. I HAVE 18 FUCKING YEARS OF UNDERSTANDING WHAT AUTISM IS. I’VE BEEN AROUND MANY OTHER AUTISTIC PEOPLE WHEN MY BROTHER NEEDED SERVICES FROM AUTISTIC ONLY PLACES. I COULDN’T FUCKING YAWN FOR YEARS WITHOUT BEING SCREAMED AT. FUCKING YAWNING. AND THEN I WAS ASKED TO STOP YAWNING! THAT IS AUTISM.

My mom works with teens and young adults who are close to the bottom of the spectrum. These children will never be able to have a life. A lot of them don’t talk. Or they only scream or say random words. Some do repetitive actions, often ones that cause injuries. Bigger male student have to be restrained by two or three men because they will not stop hitting themself of breaking property and are unable to stop. That’s what it’s like. At most, Walmart has a program for special needs adults to be baggers. Once they graduate, they live with their parents and then their siblings. Or they go to care home that specializes in autism. We’re fortunate that if it were to come to that case, we would be able to afford a nice one. But most parents or siblings of autistic children don’t have the money to send them to caring facilities. That’s the reality. That’s what you’re claiming to have the same diagnosis as (I KNOW ITS A SPECTRUM). I pity the real autistic people and glass children on platforms on tiktok or really any platform that are having the severity of their illness become a fucking trend.

I’ll probably delete this. But I’m just so fucking upset about it and I’m not fucking allowed to point it out. I wasn’t listened to my entire childhood because of a condition you’re claiming to have. Just for fucking once listen to me

#rae’s rambles #delete later #glass child

[larytello]

I don't see enough people (none at all) talking about these specific "the challenge of sleeping when it's way too hot" issues: People with sensory issues and people with physical "I have no control over it" issues.

Let me explain bc this is what's happening to me these last nights and it's making me exhausted all day long simply because I seem to NOT HAVE A SINGLE GOOD NIGHT OF SLEEP as of lately with all this heat. Under "keep reading" because it got a little longer than I expected.

1- I'm not sure if this should be counted as a sensory issue bc neurotypicals around me often invalidate it, but I don't sleep well if I'm not covered. Like, I don't feel safe, my brain just absolutely REFUSES to relax to allow me to rest. I need a cover, a blanket, no matter if it's big/heavy/fluffy or just the thinnest bedsheet ever - I just need something OVER me in order to feel ok enough to sleep comfortably. And this is a big issue™ when it's way too fucking hot at night and you can't cover yourself without melting in a sweat puddle sticking to your bed in a matter of a few minutes.

"Well, if it's so hot, you can turn on the fan or an AC if you got one!" Aaaaaand that's where we get into issue #2

2- Everytime I fall asleep, since forever, both my eyes and my mouth hang open. Really. My eyes stay half open when I sleep and I spend ALL FUCKING NIGHT not blinking as much as I should - they shouldn't even stay open when I sleep at all so there's that too. It's a wonder how I still don't need glasses and my sight is still somewhat perfect tbh. And of course there's nothing I can do about it. I'm asleep for fucks sake.

But then again, what happens when you have a fan or an AC on you while you sleep with eyes and mouth hanging open and you can't consciously keep them fucking shut as they should? They DRY. THEY FUCKING DRY. I wake up with eyes and throat stinging, dry saliva on the corners of my lips actively hurting them because when I move my lips upon waking up, they crack the skin and it HURTS as a bitch. I need to blink for several minutes, sometimes use eyedrops to help with my eyes, they hurt a lot too. And I hate the sensation of those eyedrops. They "taste" bad in my eyes.

So literally, during tropical summer plus global warming and the weather going crazier EVERY PASSING YEAR, every night is a not funny game of choosing if I keep the fan on and sleep with a cover (which makes me still feel like I'm melting even with the fan on me 🥵), or do I sleep without a cover for the temperature to be tolerable but then my body refuses to relax and I can't sleep well one way or another???? Btw I'm poor, my house doesn't have an AC, but I tried to sleep with an AC at my aunt's several times and I couldn't fucking SPEAK the next day. Which is a damn problem when you're a teacher.

And people wonder why I'm exhausted all day long lately. No wonder, I can't sleep well. Even if the fan is not directed to my head, the wind still goes around in the room and the slightest breeze is enough to dry my eyes when I'm not blinking them BECAUSE I AM ASLEEP.

Not to mention I'm currently STILL the sole provider of income to this house of three since 2019 by selling commissions (and I'm a slow artist at that) and only this year I got a "job" as an English teacher but I'm not paid not even a minimum wage because it's not an "official" job, it's more like internship and I get paid a certain amount for each class I teach in the period. It's nowhere near enough to cover the house bills, food and cleaning supplies (and medicine), I'm now panicking thinking about how Summer didn't even REALLY start yet here in Brazil but I'm already dreading the energy bills to come these next months as we're keeping two fans on in the house at almost all times. Also I don't get paid by the end of December and January because there's no classes to teach in this period. And still gotta wait to finally get paid by the end of February after teaching all month long. Three months without money while the Summer fries us and the bills will skyrocket.

Thank you big corporates who didn't give a fucking shit about global warming warnings in the previous decades, thank you global leaderships who keep doing those beautiful meetings with heartfelt speeches about how we need plans and action to slow down and/or cease the impeding doom but never did anything for real. It's always all words and no action. Guess you never thought you'd live to see the consequences of your lack of actions, huh? There's been a SANDSTORM in the Amazon Rainforest and the rivers are drying out killing animals AND PEOPLE and there hasn't been any rain in the RAINFOREST for over a month. The North and Northeast of South America are dying so hot it's been and it just keeps getting hotter. Two days straight Brasil beats its own record of energy consumption. Congratulations, really, you done fantastically fucked up I can't even think of words to describe it.

I've been awake for two hours and half and my eyes are still stinging.

#Rant #Global Warming #Brasil #Brazil #Sensory issues #Idk how else to tag this #I like summer NOT GLOBAL WARMING

[minipisi-is-dumb]

every time I see "narcissistic abuse" makes me gross out there's no thing as "neurotypical abuse" or "adhd abuse" or shit like that how come npd is so special that every single person w it is inherently a danger to society and must not even be considered as a person because apparently empathy is the thing that gives ppl the rightful title of Valid Human

oh no wait people just despise cluster b disorders and people with low empathy I get it now what a FUCKING shocker

not even mentioning how people read about narcissism once and then they call everyone they don't like narcissist because they equate all abuse with a disorder

how do you know every single person you hate is narcissistic? even If they are how come you know THAT is the factor that made them hurt you? stupid shit. u cannot excuse ableism bc you're a survivor that shit doesn't make sense

the whole narrative that abusers can only be "mentally ill low empathy maniacs" that laugh in babies graves is so ridiculous my I forgave shit my ex abuser did for so long because he was "oh so empathetic and emotional" and "how dare i hurt him with my dry emotionless and inhuman attitude" like I cannot fucking explain how half the manipulation of that guy was making me feel shit because I couldn't "feel emotions right " ok

#minipisi.txt #this shit drives me nuts #the whole 'abuse awareness uwu' narrative only focuses on romantic partners where the abuser is a comically evil mentally ill being #absolute shitshow #low empathy

[3d-wifey]

are you actually autistic?

I don't know how i missed this, but yes. I've been diagnosed with autism for like seven months now, late ass diagnosis. My mental health journey is so fucking wacky.

(WARNING: I'm very open about my experience and what I have)

So, for context, I moved 12 hours away from home for college. I came in as a biology major on the premed track and a theater minor (with absolutely no background in theater, should've been the first sign), made a great friend group where not a single one of them is neurotypical. One of them was diagnosed with autism as a kid an they were convinced that i was also autistic, the thought never occurred to me and i was like "nahhhh". So premed beast my ass and apparently, I was incredibly manic the entire semester basically.

A bad depression hits around october and in november, I made a psychiatry appointment to get a depression screening. I come out that bitch with clinical depression, adhd, generalized anxiety, insomnia, vitamin deficiency, and a mood disorder she believed to be bipolar disorder but didn't feel comfortable saying bc I wasn't manic when i met her???? Any way, she dignosises me, doesn't explain what any of it means, prescribed me wellbutrin for depression and adhd, prenatals for my vitamin deficiencies, and an antipsychotic that i was lead to believe was for my insomnia. Problem is, the wellbutrin handles the depression, but the mania handles it quicker.

Now i'm on stimulants which stimulate the mania, which means when I don't wanna sleep (often) I just didn't take the antipsychotic. If you know anything about mood stabilizers, you know the mood can't be stabilized if you're taking them on and off. When you're bipolar, you'll more than likely love being manic bc you feel great and you can get so much done and it's soooo much better than being depressed so you won't think anything is wrong with you.

A miracle happens and I quite the med track. At this point, I had already dropped the theater minor and picked up creative writing instead and moved from bio to psych as a major. My biggest stressor is now gone and I actually start listening to my friends about taking the anti psychotics regularly. I get put on adderall and then I enter my sophomore year. At the behest of my horrible psychiatrist and therapist who told me she only really know show to handle neurotypical patients (????) and they both tell me I should get an autism assessment. I get one and he basically looks at me and is like "ohhhh yeah, you got that shit."

I randomly get dropped by my therapist, i drop my horrible psychiatrist, and get a therapist that's equipped to handle a patient with autism (thank God). At this point, I'm very weary about claiming anything I don't know for a fact that I have. I get a new Psychiatrist and a second opinion and she's like "yeahhh, you got that shit" (shit being bipolar disorder).

Now it's the end of my sophomore spring semester. That's it.

#3d wifey talks #3d wifey answers #autism #mental health #mental illness #actually mentally ill #mental instability #bipolar disorder #mania #depression #tw: mental health #tw: mental illness #actually adhd #neurodivergent #neurodiversity #adhd #insominia

[vampiresuns]

I don’t know what’s possessing me to write this, maybe it’s bc I’m a ND with a planner, but I have come to the conclusion the main reason why Neurotypical people are so incredibly annoying and unhelpful about the planner and organisation advice is because they’re incapable of seeing organisation as a tool.

They see it as a solution when it very much has always been a tool. Which is why ND people and mental healthcare professionals who educate online change the How you organise vs. the traditional ways we’ve been told you have to organise, which cater to NT people only.

Because they understand it is a tool. Not a solution.

And it is always a tool. Whether you’re neurotypical or neurodivergent, regardless of any comorbidities you may have, regardless of gender and age, it stays a tool because its status as a tool is not dependent on who uses it, but on what is it for.

Let me explain, I’m a ND with a planner and I pretty much rely entirely on it, but I have also 1. begun steady treatment 2. did the work to identify how to work with my plethora of issues instead of against them. I know exactly what planner will work for me (big with space to visualise multiple things, plenty space for writing, allows a degree of customisation), which ones will not (I need a monthly and a weekly view, without these I’m doomed, and it cannot be pocket sized. I need space)

I also know exactly what will and won’t work with me for it. I don’t use it to keep a perfect life-work balance, or to keep track of my habits or my spending or literally anything else. I use it solely for reminders and to-do lists. Thinks I can scratch off. I do not care how many days of the week I exercised, how my mood was, or how many hours of the day there are. I have ADHD, and I have issues retrieving information, what I need from a personal organisation system is something that allows me to quickly access information, in order to avoid overwhelming myself with tasks, or that I can write things down in the moment in one single place.

Sometimes I don’t check what I write, or the notes I take. Sometimes I forget to write things down. Doesn’t matter. I use this for work, academic purposes and day to day house keeping. I will get overwhelmed if I don’t write down a single thing that I need to do and then go do it. I need to see it. I need to hold myself accountable some way.

Usually, I mentally have a record of most of what I need to do, or bc I have ADHD I will usually discover them throughout the day. But again, because I have fucking ADHD and GAD I will absolutely get overwhelmed. My medically backed up perfectionism that fuels half of my anxiety every single day will ally with my executive dysfunction issues, and they will best me.

Or I will forget. And they will still best me because I’ll either get decision or executive paralysis, become extremely guilty about not doing anything, and work myself into a panic, so on and so forth.

So I pick. Usually by vibes or by what I call “ADHD whimsy”. Instinctively, I usually know what I want to do first and what I don’t want to do first, sometimes if only because doing steps in one way feels more off than if I do it in another.

 I write it down. I go do that. I tick it off. I pick another thing. Or I write some lose objectives for the week or the day. I do not deadline me. But they’re there. Easy to retrieve. Easy to access.

Between capitalism, grind culture, ableism and the perpetual catering to NT people, people still think keeping organised will solve their problems. It will not because it’s not a solution. It is not related to the cause of your problems. Organisation won’t fix stress, mental loads, or give you a better life-work balance. Unless you address the cause of your stress or personal imbalance, organisation can only carry you so far.

Sure does help. ADHD does best me often but fuck me if I don’t love a good organisational system. But they won’t solve my ADHD. Honestly nothing will, the chemical imbalance is permanent, even if I’m medicated, but that is not my point. My point is after years of trying several of ill fated advice catered to NT people about organisation, I only became better at it and used it as an effective tool when I addressed the cause of my problems directly.

Disorganisation is not a cause. It is not a moral flaw. Disorganisation is a symptom, and when it comes to mental health and your general well-being what will help you is finding the cause of that symptom, not coping with it for the sake of coping with it

#actually I do know what possessed me to write this I remembered someone from work went at me about this last week #jules posting #adhd #neurodivergent #adhd post #ok to reblog death to the nt planner culture you bastards don't even know how to use one i will stand by that how does blocking off your #your day in endless task lists not drive you insane looking at you morning routine wellness influencers

[patriciavetinari]

Bit of a chess book rant.

So I'm learning chess, right, and I've bought a few books, and all of them, every single one, skips a vital (I think) part of explaining how one should think.

All of them jump from complete beginner stuff of how to move pieces and do notation, to specific openings where you're expected to understand tactical advantages and disadvantages immediately.

All of them are filled with stuff like 'white here can play xyz and black's best response is zyx' and nowhere, absolutely nowhere does it explain what's the longterm goal of White playing that and why is that response best for Black. It just says so.

'This puts pressure on main diagonal' - how? Why do I need to put pressure there?

'This position is sharp and interesting' HOW is it interesting you fucker? What makes it sharp? Why do I want my pawns there?

And this is the book that claimed a lot of amateurs get lost when they run out of book moves and that they should understand the logic and reason and purpose for the said book moves AND THEN PROCEEDS TO NOT EXPLAIN ANY OF THE BOOK MOVES IN THE PRESENTATION OF OPENINGS.

Multiple times on multiple resources have I started from the VERY beginning over and over again, from notation and piece movement, thinking I'm missing a crucial point where they explain what is a closed game vs open game, what are the GENERAL IDEAS (ie pressure on main diagonals good - and WHY it's good) that I should get accustomed to. How should I think, because so far all I managed to find is 'develop pieces' and 'trap the king'.

They never explain the reason for any of this. It feels like most resources (most notably chess.com as well) just glide over that part and then kind of shames you for not understanding why the described positions are good or bad. They just are. "Black can do xyz but that doesn't get them far" WHY NOT. EXPLAIN IT.

It feels extremely neurotypical, as I found, which is ironic for a game so often stereotypically associated with neurodivergency. Never had I felt stronger that I'm missing some rules that people around me secretly know and just won't tell than trying to get to that part that explains the THINKING behind the behavior – goals, purpose, reason – than in trying to be social AND learning the fucking chess.

If I knew my goalposts (other than very generic and very far away 'checkmate' or 'make friend') and the specific of how does step 1 help me reach it, I would be able to be more independent in my thinking and it would require less book moves.

"Ask people about their interests" - why? Oh they respond to external interest to them? Oh they find pleasure in talking about themselves for a bit? Oh but don't pry on personal stuff, here's the approximate line in the sand where you have to be careful. They will enjoy the attention and will want to talk to you again, then you can offer your input and company and maybe a kind word and they will soon enjoy you enough to actively seek out time with you and you will grow into friends, idea is mostly kindness. Ok, perfect, I get why and how I'm doing this, I can improvise based on the purpose of my action.

"Put pressure on main diagonals" Why do I wanna do that? What's the potential here? Enemy king is not on a diagonal. Why am I doing this? *shaking chess book authors by the shoulders* EXPLAIN.

They never do.

#long post #didn't mean to but my hand slipped #it's an interesting theory I think about requiring not only instruction but reasoning as well

[haarute]

it is my honest to god belief that hirohiko araki is autistic and just doesn't know it. there's seemingly not a single neurotypical person in jojo's bizarre adventure. in his book, he explains that when people bring up his characters' dialogue being fucking weird he replies with "this is just how i speak" like honey,

#king #jjba

[othellovonryan-1000]

TW for description of a sensory meltdown

Ok I've been having a very hard day, and I'd like to talk about it, because I think things like this should be talked about

I was woken up bright and early today with the gong by my father, cause it's ✨eAsTeR✨ and my little brother must be appeased with an easter egg hunt. So immediately my day started with a very loud and offsetting noise, and my brother running around yelling, which I think is in big part why the rest of the day went the way it did.

My friend came over for breakfast this morning, which was great, I always enjoy when she comes over and I was happy to provide her with a nice breakfast on a day she typically wouldn't. But she's also very unpredictable, and kind of loud, and my family is loud, and my little brother likes to cling to my friends, so he was constantly around us, and when I tried to get myself to calm down with a fun game with my friend, my controller started lagging uncontrollably, and I just absolutely fucking lost it.

There were a lot of things that led up to this. The house being cold from all the doors being open, the bright lights, all the yelling, my clothes being uncomfortable.

And I started yelling and I threw my controller and it almost broke, and I kept hitting myself and the table and couch next to me, so much that my brother seemed scared to come near me. But I couldn't think rationally, and I was just.. incredibly out of it. Then my father calls me into the next room after I've calmed down just slightly, and he tells me to do something else because this was making me so upset.

However, I was unable to think of anything else I wanted to do, therefore I went right back to playing the game with my friend.

This however led to, more or less, a repeat.

Eventually I got it through my head that I could just play my game by myself without it being on the TV making the controllers lag, and I managed to come down a little bit, because I was doing the thing I enjoyed without the frustration.

However, many of the other sensory factors were still present, such as the noise and light.

I managed to get through most of the day with very few incidents after that, but I have just been excused from dinner by my parents because I was acting.. less than table appropriete.

And I recognize that, I was acting angry and rude.

But I didn't have my music because it's not allowed at the dinner table, I didn't have my comfort item because hats aren't allowed at the dinner table, my brother was in my face talking to me, and the bird was screeching, crawling all over me, biting at my clothes, it was still loud, it was still bright, and I hadn't had any time in the day to calm down.

Today, to put it simply, sucked.

It was a really terrible sensory environment with very little room to breathe because all of my siblings and my friend were here the entire day, and I couldn't find a way to step away without seeming cold and mean. (Looking back now, I could have just explained the situation, but it's hard to think when your senses are attacking you from every angle)

This is an example of what a sensory meltdown can look for me. Today was not only rough for me and my friends and family, but it was absolutely exhausting as well, because I am used to sensory meltdowns being 1-2 hours or less.

This is the first time one has lasted an entire day in over a year.

It wasn't super intense throughout the entire day, but it was always there.

I'm feeling better now because I am in my room with the lights off, close to no sound, my weighted blanket, hat, and comfort stuffy, and I feel as if I might be able to come downstairs in a few minutes because I have been given space to breathe.

If you're a neurotypical person seeing this, know that I am very embarrassed by my behavior. I'm embarrassed, and ashamed, and I wish with every part of me that I didn't have outbursts like this. It hurts me, it hurts my surroundings, and it's very taxing for every single person involved. But it's especially taxing for me, and that's why I wanted to talk about this.

As tiring for you it may be, or however embarrassed you might be, think about how I feel. I feel out of control of my own body and emotions, I feel overwhelmed, I feel embarrassed, I feel anxious, I feel scared.

Most of the time, I don't even realize that I'm overstimulated! All this stuff I'm saying was realized in retrospect.

So please, just try to take a little time out of your day to make life less of a sensory hell. It doesn't have to be the full 9 yards, just.. if you see someone struggling, maybe try to take the time to turn off any lights that don't need to be on, find a way to offer a relief from sound (whether that be earplugs, headphones, whatever), just.. try to be kind.

Stay lovely <3

#actually autistic #actually autism #being autistic #my autism #autism