#Then they would have agree at the condition that Arthur will not tell Merlin who he is and that he shall live and die like any human would

[achillesuwu]

Hey but what if Arthur is waiting for the people's he hold dear in the after life 👀

At first he just asks to the newly death people how Camelot is doing, what is happening, etc. Then he began to see people that he knew, knights and nobles at first, (he lied the first "person" he recognised that die after him was that damned Dragon and he is going to have words with Merlin—), Gaius, Hunith,... 40 years after his death he saw his queen again too.

He also see people he doesn't know but cherish anyways : his wife's new husband, their children, his knights' children, their children's children,...

And yet, he does not see Merlin. He does not wish that he dies but it has been 150 years surely Sorcerer can not live that long?

Slowly but surely, Merlin began to loose his connection to Camelot's children. He began to travel, he began to leave and Arthur becomes afraid. Arthur does not know where he will go, Arthur is losing his track. Arthur is dead and Merlin is alive. All he can do is asks, asks and asks again.

Until one day, one day, no one can answers him anymore and so he waits...

#Merthur #arthur pendragon #merlin #merlin bbc #merlin emrys #Fanfic #canon compliant #Technically #At first I was going to go for a plot where Arthur asks to go back to life #So he can find Merlin again #But magical creature Y347 say something cryptic like “the once and future king will rise again but not now” #And Arthur would have responded something like #It's Arthur the man who is asking #Not the once and future king #Then they would have agree at the condition that Arthur will not tell Merlin who he is and that he shall live and die like any human would #But I just could not write it #I don't know why #At least when Arthur will come back in this AU he will hug Merlin as tightly as Merlin hold him! #Because they both wanted 1500 years for each other :) #There is some kind of poetry in it? #Two halves one dead one alive both waiting to be whole again #And perhaps it is the greater grief #after all #to be left on earth when another is gone. #my shit

[chasingwhitebunnies]

Headcanon that Merlin keeps notebooks and writes down everything - everything - he wants to show and tell Arthur whenever he comes back

It starts off as a project. He writes down important moments, things he knows he will have to inform Arthur of if when he comes back, but one day, Gwen tells him a joke and he can’t help thinking it would have made Arthur laugh. It was a bittersweet realisation, so he wrote it down to share with Arthur whenever he saw him

Slowly, more jokes were added, and anecdotes, books he wanted to tell him about, plays and music he was sure Arthur would enjoy, and eventually films and shows

Sometimes, he writes when he particularly misses him

He keeps these notebooks on a large secondhand bookshelf, and tries to keep them in chronological order, although the earlier ones aren’t in the best condition after a thousand or so years, but he’s enchanted them to stay legible

It becomes a habit. He decides, subconsciously and superstitiously, that once he has filled the bookshelf, Arthur will return. Merlin does, and Arthur doesn’t. He buys a second bookshelf, and then a third

Finally, Arthur is back and Merlin excitedly showing him his collection and telling him there’s so much he has to share. Arthur is amazed, “you wrote all of this for me?”

Merlin realises suddenly how overwhelming it must seem. “It made it easier, not being able to share all these moments with you. It felt like I was sharing them with you in a way. It was like I was writing you a letter.” He shakes his head. “But you’re here now, it’s silly! You don’t have to read them at all. I can go over them and pick out the important parts, the things you’ll need to know and—”

Arthur stops him. They go through each book together. Merlin hadn’t realised how many good moments he had forgotten over time, and he gets to relive them with Arthur at his side, both chuckling along as Arthur asks questions, “you did what?”

They aren’t all nice stories. Merlin winces as they get to the wars. Arthur holds his hand as he recounts each loss of a friend, and Arthur hates to see Merlin grieve, but he’s glad that he made friends throughout his life because he couldn’t bear the thought of Merlin being entirely alone while he waited for him

But even if he wasn’t always alone, he was lonely. The notebooks proved as much, and sometimes Merlin still panicked if he woke up and Arthur wasn’t close. Eventually, Arthur slid into Merlin’s bed beside him, only to keep him calm. It was the best Merlin had slept since- well, he couldn’t remember

Sometimes one of them would wake up with nightmares of the wars and battles and deaths and wounds, and the other would hold them until they fell back to sleep. Merlin kissed Arthur’s forehead one night without meaning to and froze, but Arthur had only burrowed deeper and fallen asleep with a soft smile

“So that was the last book,” said Arthur as Merlin finished the final page

“Yes, I wrote that the night before you came back,” said Merlin

“I’m all caught up,” said Arthur. “There’s nothing more to say.”

“No, no more to say,” Merlin agreed absentmindedly

A silence fell over them. Who moved first, it was impossible to tell, as if they had both decided in the exact same moment that it had to be now, and they kissed, pulling each other close

“I love you,” said Merlin once they eventually parted

“I got that,” said Arthur, gesturing to the pile of notebooks surrounding them. “The longest love letter in history,” Merlin laughed before Arthur added, “I love you, too”

Edit to add: the last show Merlin wrote that they watched together was Heartstopper, thanks

#I might write something for this #but if anyone else wants to then feel free #please tag me if you do because I would really like to read it #this was supposed to be a short post #WHOOPS #merlin #bbc merlin #arthur pendragon #merthur #merlin emrys #merlin ambrosius #1k #1.5K

[fluffypotatey]

God, watched "Sins of the Father" last night and I. Just. Love. How the writers were like, "Ah, yes, let's finish out this episode with the most violent upheaval of Arthur's relationship with Uther. There is no need to mention this again."

Like, yeah, I get it, Merlin lied and stopped Arthur from killing King Cunt, but STILL. It happened. Arthur and Uther have had disagreements before, but those were small potatoes. Arthur challenged his father, the King, to a fight to the death. He was actively trying to kill his father. And that....had no effect on him? Or Uther?

Arthur doesn't always agree with Uther, and he does disobey him when he has to, but I don't think he ever would imagine himself capable of hurting his father, let alone killing him.

And Uther, being the manipulative, abusive piece of shit he is, was probably 100% certain Arthur would never turn on him, the same way any abusive parent is confident in their power over their victim.

But it happened.

And that's just........not important?

bestie.....are you sure you want to open that can of worms with me

------

NO BECAUSE LISTEN I HAVE TOO MANY THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS ABOUT THIS

imma holler @nextstopparis because they have bombass posts and meta about exactly this

anyway

yes bestie so true, we have seen in s1 and s2 that arthur is capable of having a little rebellious streak but not enough to truly slight his father because (despite his shitty and abusive uther is) arthur still loves him. arthur has craved uther's approval since day one. all he gets from uther is stunted shoulder pats and "you're my son" kind of affection. which, you know, explains SO MUCH about why arthur is emotionally constipated, compensates his emotions into hyper-masculinity, and a grade A jock.

we know arthur seeks uther's approval and just wants uther to be proud of him. motherfucker (uther) literally in episode 2 of s1 "stops by Arthur on his way to the stands and speaks to him in a low voice" about he "trust [Arthur] will make [him] proud" like bitch???? way to stress out your child.

tips on how to emotionally abuse/keep your child wanting you love

always makes sure you pressure them into making you proud

place conditions on your love (trust = love = pride for son = no longer disappointed = no longer sees arthur as the cause of ygraine's death oop did i type that)

move them away and speak in a low threatening voice because self image matters and your child would never risk that

undermine your child's worth to exterior factors, aka things your child never had a say in (being a captain/high ranking knight at 15, being the son of your dead wife, telling them to grow up when they literally are acting their age)

enforcing patriarcal ideals such as only encouraging stoicism for arthur because feelings are for weaklings and dismissing morgana's opinions for 'outbursts'

howdy folks! welcome to the uther sucks club and why the hell did bbc just ignore arthur's very understandable anger towards uther in s2 ep8

we will not touch arthur's self loathing blame for his mother's death because i will derail from this post

what happened in s2 ep8???? i'm so glad you asked

it is revealed that uther pendragon's reason for committing genocide for over 20 years boils down to a highly dangerous spell that he forced the high priestess nimueh to cast on his wife (who wasn't aware of the spell in the first place) so she could become pregnant and grant him an heir.

uther, the caricature of the british empire himself, caused the death of his queen then turned around and blamed a whole community of innocent people because "magic is evil and shouldn't be trusted" and "when you know one sorcerer, you know them all"

arthur, daddy issues galore, is understandably pissed and enraged. why, you ask? because for years he believed it was his birth that led to his mother's death

ARTHUR I'm so sorry. YGRAINE You have nothing to be sorry for. ARTHUR It was my birth that caused you to die.

ok so we are actually gonna discuss this

FOR 20 YEARS THIS MAN BELIEVED HIS FATHER'S GRIEF WAS HIS FAULT

AND YOU KNOW WHAT

UTHER NEVER CORRECTED HIM! UTHER NEVER SAID ANYTHING TO CONTRADICT ARTHUR'S INTERNAL STRUGGLE!

WHY YOU ASK????

BECAUSE THEN ARTHUR WOULD STAY LOYAL TO HIM, BECAUSE THEN ARTHUR WOULD DO EVERYTHING IN HIS POWER TO PROVE THAT HE COULD 'right this old wrong' EVEN THO IT WAS NEVER HIS FAULT!

ahem

and then arthur learns the truth. arthur learns that ygraine's death was never his fault. ygraine's death was all because uther pendragon "was so desperate for an heir". that was all uther cared about.

ARTHUR This is what fuels your hatred for those who practice magic. Rather than blame yourself for what you did, you blame them.

ARTHUR How many hundreds have you condemned to death to ease your guilt?

ARTHUR You speak of honour and nobility! You're nothing but a hypocrite and a liar!

do you think....after arthur learned the truth, he remembered all of morgana's old arguments that went ignored by uther? he could hear her voice, filled with self-righteousness and selfless anger about how uther always placed the blame on others, projected fear and hatred to those who were innocent. do you wonder if arthur thought of morgana as he spewed those words to uther?

and then he is told that morgause lied to him. that the ygraine he saw was actually an illusion meant to divide camelot. arthur is told that the ygraine he saw who told him that holding him was "the most precious" moments of her life was nothing more than a lie.

so, what does mean for arthur? does that mean that it truly was his fault that ygraine died? does he go back to blaming himself?

or

is there still that doubt of his father's ruling that lays restless inside of him? does he watch his father more closely and how he reacts to magic crimes compared to non-magical? does he begin to confide in morgana more because she, too, understand this kind of anger he feels nestled inside of him?

but we don't get that

what we get after this is a week or maybe more of a time skip where gwen is kidnapped and the show tries to further the arwencelot love triangle (and i mean, i'm not against the love triangle, it's just...timing my dude)

it just goes ignored by the show like it wasn't a big deal that arthur was ready to commit regicide (unlike morgana), like it wasn't a big deal that merlin lied to arthur like that and didn't feel conflicted, like it wasn't a big deal that uther's Purge began because of misplaced anger.

no, instead, arthur is back as his snarky and uptight self who never again thinks back to what happened when some big plot is heading his way. and so the show never dives back into that. mentions of arthur's mother don't come back until s4 but that's with agravaine and i do not have the time for that man.

this episode really seemed like it was supposed to lead to a shift in arthur's character, and yet it didn't. it was just...never touched on again and i will never forgive them for that

#long post #excuse me while i go off #i brought receipts (transcipts) #bbc merlin #arthur pendragon #uther pendragon #anti uther #we do not stan that man in this household #not to mention that this is the ep where arthur doubts his father's views on magic bc morgause is granting him this chance to see his mom #he has already doubted his father's views on class (lancelot) & duty (going to help merlin even if his presence could cause war w/ Essetir) #and then he learns that his father LIED #uther lied about magic users for 20 fucking years and didn't care #all he cared about was that the spell didn't work the way he wanted and decided that a whole community of ppl deserved to be wiped out #arthur is devasted bc you know what that means?????? #that means that when arthur raided that druid camp all those years ago as a young captain of the knights its purpose was never moral #arthur aided his father and his father LIED ABOUT IT #the sins of the father #s2 ep8 #2.08 #i'm not sorry but also i am sorry that the post is a little long #merlin meta

[stubbornsummaries]

Summary of Le Morte D'Arthur by Thomas Mallory

Chapter I: How Uther Pendragon sent for the duke of Cornwall and Igraine his wife, and of their departing suddenly again. OR The Time Uther Pendragon started a war because he was horny When Uther Pendragon was king, he sent for the Duke of Cornwall to come visit him. He invited his wife, Igraine, as well because she was supposed to be hot. When they arrived, they were treated well and Uther decided that Igraine was indeed hot and wanted to sleep with her. Since she was, you know, married, she said no and then told her husband that she was pretty sure they had been invited just so the king could sleep with her. They decided to leave quickly and without telling anyone. This pissed the king off. The king’s advisors told him to summon the Duke and his wife again and if they didn’t come, then he would have a reason to declare war. He sent for them, they obviously didn’t return, and King Uther Pendragon declared war on the Duke of Cornwall, saying he would attack his biggest castle in 40 days time. The Duke decided to get two of his castles ready for war and put his wife in one while he stayed in the other. Uther attacked the castle that the Duke was in and a lot of people died. The king got such bad blue balls that it was noticeable to his knights and one of his knights, Ulfius, asked him what was up. Uther said he was so in love with Igraine that he’d gotten sick. Ulfius told him that Merlin would help him. Ulfius went off and found Merlin and Merlin said that he’d help as long as he got rewarded. Ulfius said that he was sure the king would reward him, so Merlin agreed to help.

Chapter II. How Uther Pendragon made war on the duke of Cornwall, and how by the mean of Merlin he lay by the duchess and gat Arthur OR How Uther and Merlin are the real villains here Ulfius brought Uther to Merlin. Merlin told Uther that he’d help him get laid on the condition that he get the child that he had with her. Uther agreed. Merlin told Uther to head to the other castle where Igraine was and that he would look like the Duke to everyone and his knights would look like the Duke’s knights. He said not to talk too much, but to just sleep with her and then stay in bed until he came by in the morning. After Uther left, but before he arrived at the other castle, the Duke was killed. Uther then slept with Igraine while she thought he was the Duke and impregnated her. The Merlin came by in the morning and Uther left with him. Later, Igraine learned her husband had died at the castle and started wondering who she had slept with then and mourned her now dead husband. With Ulfius as a messenger, it was arranged that Uther and Igraine get married. King Uther had King Lot marry Margawse who was Sir Gawaine’s mother. He also had King Nentres marry Elaine. They were sisters and the third sister was Morgan Le Fay who he sent to a nunnery where she became a necromancer. Later, she married King Uriens who was Sir Ewain’s father.

Chapter III: Of the birth of King Arthur and of his nurture OR Possibly the least believable bit so far Eventually it became really obvious Igraine was pregnant and Uther asked who’s kid it was. Igraine was embarrassed, but Uther said he just wanted the truth and wouldn’t judge her for it. Igraine told the story of how someone had impersonated her husband to sleep with her. Uther was like “Yeah, thanks for being truthful. That was me and Merlin told me to do it.” This apparently made Igraine happy, but I’m not sure I believe the author here. Merlin came by and claimed the kid like he said he would. Merlin gave the kid to Sir Ector, but had Sir Ector come to court for a while while Igraine was still pregnant so that Uther could see that his child would be in good hands. The king gave Sir Ector a bunch of nice stuff for raising his kid for him. When the child was born, he wrapped him in gold and then told some servants to take him to the poor man outside the castle. For some reason they actually did this and it was fine because the poor man was Merlin who then gave the kid to Sir Ector and they christened him Arthur.

Chapter IV: Of the death of King Uther Pendragon Less than two years later, Uther got sick. His enemies took advantage of his weakness and killed a bunch of his people. Merlin told him to get his ass up and to be taken to the battlefield to be there in person because that was the only way they could win. For some reason, this worked and they won. Uther lost his ability to speak three days later. Merlin said he couldn’t do anything about it because it’s God’s will, but he would make him speak tomorrow. The next morning, Merlin asked him if Arthur would be the next king and Uther replied saying that he would and then immediately died.

Chapter V. How Arthur was chosen king, and of wonders and marvels of a sword taken out of a stone by the said Arthur. Or How Arthur’s brother’s forgetfulness made Arthur king Obviously this created a power vacuum since Arthur was all of 2 and also no one knew where he was. Merlin made all of the lords and gentlemen of arms gather in London by Christmas by threatening to curse them if they didn’t show up. A bunch of religious stuff that doesn’t really matter in here, but after mass on Christmas they all go to see a giant stone with a sword stuck in it. Writing on the sword said “Whoso pulleth out this sword of this stone and anvil, is rightwise king born of all England.” Everyone was suitably amazed by this. No one was allowed to touch it until high mass was done though. After that, a bunch of people tried to remove the sword, but no one was able. The Archbishop went “Well no one here is king, but God will make him show up eventually, so we’ll just set up a guard of knights for now.” On New Year’s Day they was a tourney and everyone figured that was when he would show up. On New Year’s Day, Sir Ector showed up for the tourney with his two sons, Sir Kay and Arthur. Sir Kay had forgotten his sword and asked Arthur to go get it for him. Arthur couldn’t get the sword because no one was home, so he decided to go get the sword he’d seen stuck in a stone for his brother. All of the knights were at the tourney, so he just pulled out the sword and brought it to Sir Kay. Sir Kay recognized it and immediately went to get Sir Ector. Sir Ector also recognized it and all three of them went back to the church. Sir Ector made Sir Kay swear on the bible where he’d gotten it and he told the truth that Arthur had given it to him. Arthur told his story of how he got it. Sir Ector basically went “Welp, I guess you’re king then.” Arthur was confused and didn’t think it was a big deal that he could move the sword, so Sir Ector had him put it back and then Sir Ector tried to move it and couldn’t.

#le morte d'arthur #king arthur #king uther #sir ulfius #sir ector #sir kay #rape tw #merlin

[legends-of-time]

Amelia’s Story (BBC Merlin Story)

Chapter 40: Love in the Time of Dragons

Masterlist

Amelia's POV

Amelia lingers outside the Council Chambers as she listens to what Arthur, Uther, Merlin, and Gaius are talking about. She had been with Merlin and Gaius when Uther had sent for them and was curious as it seemed very serious. Knowing she wouldn't be allowed in, she went to one of the doors to the room and pressed herself against the door to listen in. If Morgana finds her, she can lie and say that she's trying to find information that would be useful to their 'plans'.

"Gaius, there have been disturbing rumours from outlying Villages," Uther says.

"Sire?"

"Someone, some kind of Physician is offering treatments. I fear magic may have been used." Amelia pulls a face at Uther's words, hypocrite. He didn't mind using magic when Morgana was dying, did he?

"What is it that makes you suspicious?" Gaius asks. Amelia shakes off her anger so that she can focus on the conversation.

"There are reports of miracle cures? A boy thrown from a horse, a farmhand mauled by a boar. All hopeless cases it seems, and yet each and everyone has made a full recovery." Uther explains. It does sound suspicious. How dare someone try to help others with magic? (Note the sarcasm.)

"It's very hard for me to comment, Sire. I'd have to examine the patients myself." Gaius evades.

"That won't be necessary," Uther dismisses, "as a new case has arisen here in Camelot."

"Who?"

"The Innkeeper. He's returned to work." Arthur says.

"That's not possible. The condition was critical, I saw him only days ago." Gaius argues.

"So, you agree that magic must be involved?" Uther asks pointedly.

"Well, I couldn't say for sure."

"Then go to the Tavern and find out." Uther orders. "If sorcery is at work here, we must act quickly."

"Yes, Sire. I'll see to it right away."

——

Amelia pulls Anne along with her to Gaius' Chambers to wait for said man and Merlin to return. Amelia had given Anne the rundown of what's going on. Merlin and Gaius eventually return.

"Well? Did you see the Innkeeper?" Amelia immediately questions as soon as they step inside.

Merlin looks at her surprised. "How did you—"

Amelia raises an eyebrow. "You're not the only one that sneaks about."

Anne rolls her eyes. "Anyway, the Innkeeper?"

"Gaius was great, he protected the Innkeeper, lied to Uther," Merlin tells them.

Amelia smiles, pleased. "Really?"

Gaius looks at Merlin confused. "What are you going on about Merlin?"

Merlin looks at him questioningly but continues, "He was a sick man. It was a matter of life and death. Magic was his only hope."

"But he didn't use magic." Gaius dismisses. Amelia's eyes flicker between the two. What's going on?

"The potion was enchanted; I saw it with my own eyes. We both did." Merlin persists.

"What you saw, Merlin, was a release of gaseous pressure. Entirely normal in a preparation of that kind." Gaius counters. Amelia looks to Anne who is frowning at the two. Why is Gaius lying?

"But what about the totem?"

"What totem?"

"The totem in the Innkeeper's doorway bore the marks of the Old Religion," Merlin explains.

"Nonsense. You're obviously tired, Merlin. I recommend you get some sleep." Gaius then walks off to the other side of the room. Merlin, Anne, and Amelia all look at each other in confusion.

——

Amelia and Anne gather with Merlin and Gaius in the latter's Chambers.

"Did you go out last night?" Merlin asks. Amelia looks at him questioningly and Anne looks equally confused.

"Yes. I had to get some herbs." Gaius replies.

"Herbs?" Merlin looks unconvinced and Amelia wonders why.

"A... a new supplier just arrived," Gaius explains. Now Amelia herself is unconvinced.

"Right... do your suppliers normally kiss you?" Merlin suddenly asks.

Amelia splutters. "Kiss?!" What's this?!

Gaius looks affronted, turning to the three of them. "You followed me. How dare you?"

"Gaius, it was the middle of the night, I was worried. I thought you might be in some sort of trouble." Merlin insists.

"There's nothing wrong," Gaius murmurs turning around back to the table.

A teasing smile appears on Anne's face. "What's their name?"

"Alice." Gaius answers. Merlin mouths the name to himself. "She's an old friend. Well, more than a friend, if truth be told." Gaius continues to confess.

"What do you mean?" Amelia asks with a smirk, a nice one.

Gaius turns. "We were once engaged to be married."

The other three in the room gape in shock. Gaius was engaged?!

"When was this?" Merlin questions as Gaius turns back to his work.

"More years ago than I care to remember." He puts down his work and sits on the bench and they sit opposite. "I had just been made Physician to the King when I met her. It was like finding a kindred spirit, we had so much in common." Anne and Merlin share a soft smile. "Our love of science, or healing, and of magic."

"Magic?" Anne mutters.

Gaius nods. "I was just a novice, but Alice's power and ability was uncanny. She had the gift. Soon she had mastered every aspect of sorcery, healing above all. It was wonderful to behold. She saved a great many lives." He tells the three sorcerers who can't help but smile when hearing about Gaius' past romance.

"It was Alice that cured the Innkeeper," Merlin concludes.

"Indeed. There was a time when her skills were famous in Camelot."

"So, what happened?" Merlin asks.

"Uther declared war on magic. Overnight her world was turned upside-down."

"The Great Purge," Amelia says solemnly.

"Uther drew up a list of everyone suspected of using magic. One by one, they were hunted down and executed." Amelia shakes her head in disgust. "As a close friend of the King, I was permitted to see this list. Alice's name was on it." 

"What did you do?" Anne asks inquisitively.

"The only thing I could do. I struck her name off." Gaius responds.

Amelia looks at him wide eyed. "Gaius, if you'd been caught..."

"I know," Gaius admits, "but it bought her time. Just enough to get out of Camelot, to escape."

"But you... you stayed behind." Merlin murmurs.

"I was scared. I felt I had no choice. I thought I'd never see her again. But now here she is, after all these years. I feel we've been given a second chance." Gaius says softly.

——

Later on, Amelia finds herself helping Anne in getting Merlin back to his Chamber. Arthur had been particularly hard on the manservant during training.

"What if he had hit my head?" Merlin asks as they make their way.

"He'd probably say that there wouldn't be much difference in the regular you and the you that was hit over the head with a mallet," Amelia answers as they get to the door. Amelia lets go as she reaches for the doorknob while Merlin leans against Anne and the wall. Anne chuckles at her remark.

Merlin opens his mouth to argue but then pauses. "You're probably right."

Amelia nods as she opens the door and grabs his arms and pulls him towards her. "Come on." She says as she and Anne lead him inside.

"Ah, Merlin, Amelia, Anne," Gaius greets as he stands in his Chambers and Amelia looks on in surprise as a woman close to Gaius' age emerges from behind him. "I'd like you to meet Alice."

Merlin seems to forget his pain and saunters over to Alice with a smile and clasps her offered hand in greeting.

"It's a pleasure to meet you three. Gaius speaks very highly of all of you." Alice says as Amelia and Anne also greet her by clasping her hand.

"You too," Anne says warmly.

"When he finally did mention you." Amelia remarks with a teasing smile. Merlin and Anne simultaneously give her a warning look, which Amelia ignores.

"Alice will be staying with us for a while," Gaius says awkwardly.

"Great," Merlin says genuinely.

"That's alright with you?" Alice asks hesitantly.

"Of course." Merlin insists. "I'll make up the spare bed."

"So, you won't mind if she uses your room?" Gaits questions.

Merlin's face falters a bit. "Be my guest." Alice and Gaius walk off to the side of the room.

"You can stay at mine if you want," Anne suggests when seeing Merlin looking a bit disgruntled at the idea of giving up his Chamber.

Merlin looks at her in alarm. "In your bed?!" Amelia snorts at the awkwardness.

"What? Er, n-no, no." Anne hurriedly replies. She looks to Amelia for help but Amelia just stands there and smiles. "I mean yes, erm, only if you're comfortable."

Merlin smiles at her softly. "I'll be fine here."

——

Merlin had confessed to Gaius, Amelia, and Anne that Alice might be practising dark magic and says he can prove it so they follow him to his Chamber where Alice is staying in.

Merlin pulls out the box from under the bed from where the creature Merlin had seen emerged from. "This is it."

"Merlin, put that back. This has gone far enough." Gaius hisses.

Merlin instead leans an ear on it. "Oh, it's in there. I know it is."

"Ridiculous." Gaius goes to open it.

"Gaius, no!" Anne exclaims in alarm but when the Physician opens it, the box is empty.

"I hope you're satisfied, Merlin." Gaius snaps.

——

Merlin insists he's telling the truth and Amelia and Anne assure him they believe him. So, they go to Library. They pass Geoffrey of Monmouth as they enter.

"Morning," Merlin calls over his shoulder as he charges past.

Amelia smiles apologetically as she follows.

They are flipping through books when they are interrupted by a cough. Amelia looks up to see Geoffrey looking at them expectingly. "Can I help you?"

"No." Merlin dismisses.

Anne rolls her eyes. "Yes, please ignore him." She shows Geoffrey the page of her book. "Do you know anything about this creature?"

"Ah, now that is the Manticore." Geoffrey acknowledges.

"A Manticore?" Amelia questions. Merlin now watches in interest.

"Nasty looking beast, isn't it."

"Yeah, you can say that again," Merlin mutters, probably thinking of what he had seen.

"I believe it was first referred to almost a thousand years ago." Geoffrey continues to explain. "The Ancients lived in fear of it, trembled at its very name."

Anne frowns. "We've never even heard of it."

"I'm not surprised. 'Cause as far as I'm aware, the Manticore is a legend, figment of the imagination." Geoffrey tells them.

"Are you sure?" Merlin persists.

"Oh, yes. So, erm... if you were hoping to see one, I'm afraid you're going to be disappointed." Geoffrey walks away. Too late for that.

——

Merlin had seen Alice trying sneakily to do something before he caught her. So soon the three of them are heading to the Library after closing.

Geoffrey is asleep on a stack of books. Merlin hits something and Geoffrey wakes with a start. They dart behind a bookcase to stay hidden.

"What's that? Who's there?"

With a flash of his eyes, Merlin floats the objects on Geoffrey's desk. "No one. You're dreaming." Merlin whispers. Amelia tries not to burst out laughing at the happy look on Geoffrey's face. "Now go back to sleep." Geoffrey nods, puts his head back down on his desk, and snores. Merlin puts the objects back down.

Amelia rolls her eyes and pulls the two over to a corner. They sit with a bunch of books, eventually finding Alice's box on one of the pages.

——

Next morning Amelia, Merlin, and Anne find Gaius in a corridor.

"Gaius, we need to talk to you about Alice," Merlin says.

"Merlin, this must stop," Gaius tells him.

"There's a reason the box was empty. It isn't a container, it's a portal, a gateway for the Manticore." Amelia persists.

Gaius sighs. "Not you too. This must stop now." He orders harshly.

Anne shakes her head. "No, Alice is up to something, and whatever it is, it isn't good."

"You're wrong, Anne," Gaius argues. "Alice is the kindest and most compassionate person I've ever known."

"No. You're wrong, you're just blinded by your feelings for her." Merlin counters.

Gaius looks affronted by the accusation. "I can see perfectly well, Merlin. And what I can see is that none of you can bear for me to be happy. I cannot begin to guess why that should be, but it saddens me. More than I can say." He walks away.

Amelia feels tearful at Gaius' words. How can he say that?

——

It's nighttime when the warning bell sounds. Amelia sees commotion near Uther's Chambers. She rushes over to see what's going on to find the King on the floor with Arthur kneeling beside him and trying to wake him.

"Arthur?"

Arthur turns around with a frantic expression, he looks on the verge of tears. "Amelia... I-I can't wake him."

Despite her misgivings about Uther, Amelia feels sorrowful at seeing Arthur in such a state and crouches by Uther to have a look. The King is unconscious so Amelia grabs his shoulders and gives him a slight shake. "Uther!" She gives a few shakes but he doesn't rouse. Amelia checks his pulse and sees that it's weak.

Amelia hears someone enter and turns to see that it is Gaius.

Arthur gets up to rush over to the Physician. "I found him this way. I... we can't rouse him."

"He still seems to be breathing, but his pulse is weak," Amelia reports to Gaius as he kneels next to her. She decides it's best to move past Gaius' hurtful words from earlier.

"Seems so," Gaius replies.

"What's wrong with him?" Arthur asks as Gaius gets up and begins pushing Arthur out of the room.

"Please, I must examine him. Seal off the King's quarters." Arthur leaves and Merlin and Anne enter. Uther then gasps and his eyes shoot open, but they're completely black. The four of them real back in shock.

"What is that?" Merlin questions.

"Hush, Merlin," Gaius murmurs.

Uther calms and slowly closes his eyes. Gaius finds the empty bottle in the King's hand and gives it a sniff.

——

They exit the Chambers where Arthur and the Guards are waiting.

"Well?" Arthur demands.

"I am afraid I cannot yet determine the cause of your father's illness," Gaius replies. Amelia knows well enough by now that when Gaius says this, he's hiding something.

"Well, he's been poisoned, hasn't he?" Arthur concludes.

Poison. Amelia shares a look with Anne and Merlin and knows the three of them are on the same line of thought on who has done this.

"I cannot say at this stage."

Arthur doesn't fall for it. "Just look at him, Gaius. What else could it be?"

"We must not jump to hasty conclusions, Sire. Please watch over him till I return."

Arthur isn't pleased but goes into Uther's Chambers, Gaius leaves and Merlin, Anne, and Amelia follow him into the Phoenix Corridor.

"I don't think we need any more information." Merlin declares.

"Since when are you the expert in such matters?" Gaius retorts.

Amelia rolls her eyes. "Gaius, you don't need to be a Physician to see what's happened."

"Amelia!"

"Gaius, he's been poisoned, and I think we all know who did it." Anne interrupts.

"What exactly are you implying?" Gaius asks curtly.

"It was Alice. It had to be. She's been helping you with the potions. She's had every opportunity to corrupt his medicine." Merlin argues.

"Merlin, you have no proof of any of this."

"How else did he ingest the poison?" Anne counters. "There is no other explanation."

"Of course there is."

"Oh, come on, Gaius!" Merlin cries.

"We understand why you're protecting her. Really, we do. But in your heart of hearts, you must know what we're saying is true." Amelia pleads.

"All I know is that the King is gravely ill and that Merlin's place is by Arthur's side!" Gaius counters before walking away.

——

Merlin and Anne had gone to Arthur's side while Amelia goes to Morgana's, knowing how needy her sister will be at this time to have someone who 'thinks' like her to talk gleefully to.

Amelia's older half sister immediately turns on her when she comes across her in the corridor near their Chambers. "I heard Uther is gravely ill. Is it true?"

Amelia nods. "It appears he's been poisoned. He won't last long."

Morgana grins. "Excellent. Perhaps Uther will die without us lifting a finger."

Amelia shares a dark smirk with Morgana. She hadn't thought about that. This way the man she hates will die and she won't have it on her guilty conscious for causing Arthur pain but then she remembers Merlin's concern that Alice was up to something with Uther's medicine. Amelia feels a dread pool at the bottom of her stomach when she realises that Gaius might go down for the crime. She can't let that happen.

Her worried look is noticed by Morgana. "Amelia, sister, what is it?"

Amelia glances around and quickly comes up with a lie. "We shouldn't talk about these things, being so out in the open. We need to be careful."

Morgana nods. "Yes, of course. We must hope for the King's speedy recovery." The look on her face does not match her words.

——

Amelia goes to find Merlin and Anne to share her worries about the danger Gaius is in but instead finds Alice being dragged to the Dungeons by some Guards.

Amelia, Anne, and Merlin join Arthur as he questions Alice in the Dungeons. The Prince of Camelot stands in front of the bars that cover Alice's Cell.

"Do you admit to using magic?" He asks.

"Yes." Alice quickly and quietly replies.

"Admit to poisoning the King?"

"Yes, yes, but it forced me to do it. It, it made me." Alice argues. Creature... The Manticore made her do this?

"Who forced you?"

"The creature. The creature."

"You're lying! There's no creature. You're just trying to save your own skin." Arthur snaps.

"No, no."

Arthur calms and leans towards her. "Please, my father is dying. If you have a single shred of goodness within you, you will tell me how to cure him."

"I don't know." Arthur angrily hits the Cell doors and storms off. "I don't know! I'm so sorry. The Manticore..." Alice's words are then cut off by the sound of her choking. Amelia watches in shock as her eyes turn black.

——

They go to Gaius in Uther's Chambers, standing next to the man's bed. Merlin had confessed to being the one who had gotten Alice arrested.

"How is he?" Anne softly asks.

"He's fading. He won't last the day." Gaius answers.

"Gaius..." Merlin begins to apologise.

"It's alright, Merlin." Gaius interrupts. "I understand. You were only trying to save me from harm. Thank you. But I don't believe Alice wanted this."

"We know that now," Amelia reassures him. "The poison is from the Manticore, the creature that was in Alice's Chamber."

——

They hurry to Gaius' Chambers to discuss further on what they should do. Amelia isn't exactly pleased by this but she knows they need to save Alice from the Manticore plus it doesn't look good if Arthur's father is killed by magic.

"We cannot counteract the Manticore's venom. It's too deadly, by far." Gaius tells them.

"So, what can we do?" Merlin asks.

"We can kill the Manticore. The poison is imbued with its magic. With the Manticore dead, it will lose its potency." Gaius explains, picking up a book to flick through and putting it down.

"How do we kill it?" Anne questions.

"You can't." Gaius corrects. "None of you have the power. It's a creature of the Old Religion. But maybe there's another way, if I can remember." He picks up another book to flick through before landing on a page and shows them. "Here. The Manticore cannot live in this world long. Its life source is an ancient evil that exists in the spirit world."

"So, if we can trap it in this world..." Amelia summarises.

"Exactly. If we were to summon the creature and you kept it at bay long enough perhaps Anne or Amelia could break the box."

"The gateway," Merlin says.

"If the gateway is destroyed, then the creature's connection with its life source will be destroyed with it." Gaius finishes.

"And the Manticore will die?" Amelia asks.

"I believe so."

"Perhaps Amelia should do it. There's no better time to strengthen her magic." Anne suggests.

Amelia shakes her head. "The box is enchanted. I don't think I'd have the strength."

Anne disagrees, "You can. Gaius and I will help you."

——

After some tutelage, they approach the box.

"Are you ready?" Gaius asks.

"What if this doesn't work?" Merlin asks.

"Then we're going to have a very angry Manticore on our hands." They slowly open the box and all step back. They all turn to Merlin.

He takes a breath and chants, "Cume her, pin scinnlæcan!" The Manticore comes out and almost immediately attacks Merlin, who catches it in time before it can reach his face but falls to the crowd as he wrestles with it. Anne lunges forward to close the box. "Amelia!"

Amelia takes a breath herself and turns to the box. "Adee þas sawle duru!" But nothing happens. She tries again with more power behind her words. "Adee þas sawle duru!" Nothing happens.

"Amelia!" Merlin yells, only just avoiding the Manticore's scorpion like tail. "Amelia, it's now or never!"

"I can't do this!" Amelia cries tearfully. She is so useless!

"Yes, you can!" Anne urges.

Amelia nods and tries again. "Adee þas sawle duru!" She feels the power of her words rush out of her and towards the box, which explodes.

The angry Manticore leaps at Amelia, who only realises it's coming towards her when Merlin yells, "Amelia!" But before it can reach her, the Manticore fries. They all deflate in relief.

"Not too bad for a newbie." Merlin remarks to Amelia, who is gasping from exhaustion after that big spell. Anne lunges at him as he lays on the floor and kisses him on the cheek.

Amelia laughs. "Not too bad yourself." Gaius gives her a congratulatory pat on the back.

——

Uther has no mercy and sentences Alice to death the next day.

However, the next morning, Amelia hears the warning bells sound.

"What's happened?" She asks Anne not daring to hope.

"A little bird told me that a prisoner may have escaped the Dungeons," Anne replies with a knowing smile.

A similar smile stretches across Amelia's face. "Mmm... shocker. I thought those Cells were impenetrable."

"Seems you were mistaken."

The two of them begin sniggering.

——

A/N: Felt like Morgana should have a scene in there because she'd be jumping around at the thought Uther may be dying.

Please leave comments on how you're enjoying this story and what you think.

#bbc merlin #merlin

[fishoutofcamelot]

Will 🤝 Gwaine

Hating nobility because their father died fighting for a king who wouldn’t help their family

Loving Merlin

Shenanigans (especially with Merlin)

Think Merlin is too good for Arthur

Reluctantly end up fighting with Arthur, ending up getting injured

I don’t know what it all means, but I’ve been thinking about this for days. Where are my fics where people wonder why Merlin gets along so well with Gwaine until Will comes to visit? Where are my fics where Hunith meets Gwaine and goes “oh my god I can’t believe you found another one”? Where are my fics where Will, Gwaine, and Merlin team up to make fun of Arthur or pull pranks or complain about Uther? Or Will and Gwaine egging Merlin on to use his magic for silly/bizarre/should-be-impossible things? Damn if fandom doesn’t make you want more content of two characters who never met, or were even in the same season.

My first instinct is to say that Merlin just has his oddly specific type down on lock, but please consider the following instead:

So Will died, right? But like. He’s in love with Merlin and doesn’t want to leave the bae behind, and also the idea of dying for Arthur Pendragon makes him want to vomit, so he strikes up a deal with a dubious magical spirit to bring him back.

Technically he’s not coming back to life. He’s still dead. The definitely-evil spirit - for the sake of simplicity, we’ll call him Carl - didn’t resurrect him in the traditional sense. Will’s soul is still dead, but now it’s inhabiting an empty human puppet that Carl created. Hence why Will now has fancy hair and a smooth voice and a beard. 

And, since Carl is a bastard and knows that Will is agreeing to this so he can reunited with his lover, he comes up with this Fun Little CatchTM: the moment Merlin finds out his true identity, the resurrection magic will finalize and he’ll be brought back 100% - but since magic operates on equivalent exchange, Merlin’s soul will be given up as payment. Essentially, Merlin can never know his real identity. If anyone tells him, if he even finds out all on his own, then Carl will have total ownership of Merlin’s soul.

(Naturally, this has all been a needlessly convoluted long con on Carl’s part to try and get his grubby little hands on the soul of Emrys. But Will doesn’t know this yet)

But wait, that’s not the full extent of Carl’s bastard-ness! Without telling Will, he steals all of Will’s memories of Merlin upon putting his soul inside the meat puppet. So he knows the basic gist of his life, and he knows all the rules and conditions of his and Carl’s deal, but he can’t remember Merlin. The very person he started all this for. 

He knows that his loved one is out there somewhere, possibly in danger, and he sold his soul to a probably-nefarious higher power in order to track down said loved one and keep them safe - but he recalls nothing about them. There are a lot of details about his past life that he struggles to remember, actually, besides just the basics. 

From the fragmented, vague recollections of his memories he pieces together a new identity for himself. He calls himself Gwaine, says his father was a knight who died for an ungrateful king, and engages in all sorts of shenanigans. 

He wanders Albion in search of this lover he can no longer remember, and maybe the reason why he joins that barfight is because the sight of Merlin (and to a lesser extent, Arthur) jolts a strange sense of familiarity inside him. Desperate for any connection to his past life and possibly his missing lover, Gwaine throws himself into the fray.

The longer Gwaine spends with Merlin, the more memories of his past life begin to resurface. After a while he can remember that he used to be named Will, and that he used to live in Ealdor, and that he and Merlin grew up together, and that he died to save Arthur. Merlin is the missing lover he’s been searching for all this time, the lover he sold his soul to reunite with and protect. The lover whose soul Carl will steal if they ever find out Gwaine’s real identity.

So Gwaine can’t tell Merlin. Even though he remembers who he is, remembers all the times they shared together, remembers how deeply he loved Merlin...he can’t say a word. He hasn’t told Merlin that he knows about his magic, simply because he only know about that because he used to be Will and he’s understandably very nervous about anything that has to do with his true identity.

Sometimes, Merlin will talk about his childhood friend Will. He’ll have wet eyes and a tremble in his voice and the saddest smile Gwaine has ever seen, as he reminisces on one of the best friends he’s ever had. In the worst possible way, Gwaine finds out how Merlin felt about him, how deeply Merlin loved him.  (And maybe Gwaine confesses his love to Merlin, but Merlin turns him down saying that he’s still in love with his dead childhood friend, and Gwaine just screams because dammit Merlin I AM your dead childhood friend). 

Gwaine sits and listens quietly as Merlin tearfully tells stories that Gwaine already knows, because he was there when they happened, and he longs to comfort Merlin. To tell him that it’s okay, Will isn’t gone, he’s right here, I’m right here Merlin. But he can’t. 

Merlin misses Will. Gwaine would give anything to tell him that Will misses him too. 

Thanks for the ask! <3

#so little is known about will and gwaine that you technically cant even say im wrong #this could be canon for all we know #its just like time traveler!percy #canon is a hole and im filling it in #with all the innuendo that implies #bbc merlin #merlin #merlin bbc #bbcm #ask #fish post

[mca-attack21]

Surprise

This is part one of a three part of a King Arthur x Reader imagine mini-series based on the BBC’s Merlin. You can check out my Masterlist here. Enjoy!

You were brought out of your slumber by Arthur who kissed you and whispered sweet nothings in your ear until you finally rolled over to face him smiling. He was kneeling beside your shared bed and looked like a child on Christmas morning, like he didn’t have a care in the world, genuinely happy. 

“What’s gotten into you?” you asked with a laugh.

“I have a surprise for you, come on,” he said all but pulling you out of the bed and towards the door. 

“Arthur, aren’t you forgetting something?”

“What?” he asked looking around.

“I need to get dressed.”

“Oh right, of course. You do that, and I will make sure everything is prepared. Meet me in the throne room when you are ready,” he replied heading out the door.

“Arthur,” you called after him.

“Yes?” 

“I love you,” you said striding over to kiss him. 

“I love you too,” he muttered as your lips fell apart.

He then proceeded to exit the room and one of the servants came in to help you dress for the day. You were quick to make it down to the throne room where Arthur greeted you. He offered you his arm and led you out to the courtyard where Merlin was waiting with two horses.

“Good morning Y/n,” Merlin greeted you.

“Good morning Merlin,” you returned.

“That will be all Merlin, enjoy your day off,” Arthur spoke.

“I will Sire,” Merlin curtseyed causing both you and Arthur to laugh.

Arthur helped you onto your horse before mounting his own. 

“So, where exactly is it that we are going?” you asked.

“You will just have to wait and see,” he gleamed, “that is at least if you can catch me,” he said before racing off.

 “Oh, it’s like that is it,” you followed after him. This reminded you of the rides the two of you used to go on while you were courting. It didn’t take you long to figure out exactly where he was leading you, and you took a short-cut. 

When he did slow down to make sure you were still behind him, he was caught off-guard to see that there was no sign of you. He was on top of a hill that allowed him to see the majority of the path. Had something happened? Where were you? Maybe he shouldn’t have left you. Just as he was about to head back he heard a horse neigh in front of him.

“Are you coming or what?” you ask the King who looks at you in disbelief.

“How did you possibly get ahead of me?”

“You know a woman can never reveal her secrets,” you joke. 

“Is that so,” he rolled his eyes in amusement.

The two of you rode a bit further before you arrived at your destination. “I’ve missed this Arthur,” you spoke as he helped you off of your horse.

“Me too, we ought to make it more of a habit,” he replied smiling.

“That we should, though I do have to ask, what brought this about?”

“The kingdom is at peace, the villages prosper, it seemed like as good of a day as any for a day off.”

“Sounds smart, so it was Merlin’s idea?” you joked. 

“Oh, you will pay for that one.”

You tried your best to dart away from him, but your efforts were fruitless as he caught you and began to tickle you from behind. 

“Okay, okay, I surrender. Please,” you laughed.

“That’s better,” Arthur replied turning you to face him and taking the opportunity to kiss you in a way that he reserved for privacy. “Now then, Merlin has packed us a proper picnic.” 

As you laid the blanket out, Arthur was rummaging through the food and realized that Merlin had forgotten to fill the water canisters. You offered to do it as Arthur set out the food. You made your way down to the water basking in the perfectness of this day. The immense joy you felt was cut short as you heard voices the closer you got to Arthur. He was caught by two men, backed against a tree. 

You had managed to sneak around to the horses and retrieve Arthur’s sword. And slipped behind the guy furthest from Arthur. Arthur briefly made eye contact with you and you could tell he was preparing himself for the fight.

“If you are going to kill me I would at least like to know why,” Arthur spoke. 

“The Lady Morgana had sent us to Camelot with instructions to kill the King. Imagine our luck when we find him alone and unarmed in the middle of the woods,” the man smeared.

“That is where you are wrong, he is not alone,” you spoke catching both men off guard and taking the opportunity to knock the one closest to you out and toss Arthur his sword. He immediately began to duke it out with the remaining man. You watched as Arthur easily gained the upper hand and incapacitated his new-found enemy. He turned back to make sure that you were alright, a look of relief shared between the two of you.

As soon as it had come, the relief left your face as you saw a third man who had launched his dagger towards Arthur. 

“Arthur look out!,” you yelled as you tackled him to the ground. He was quick to make his way to his feet and take the intruder out. 

“Come on Y/n, we need to get out of here before more of Morgana’s men come looking for us,” he said as he sheathed his sword. 

“Arthur,” you called, voice low.

He turned around immediately and felt his stomach drop. You were still on the ground. The dagger that was meant for him stuck in your side, blood already seeping through your shirt. He fought back his emotion as his went to your side. He was debating whether or not he should remove it. “This is why I never take you out,” he tried to joke. 

“I’m sorry,” you smiled painfully.

“Not to worry, I will allow you to make it up to me later. But first, we have to get back to the castle,” he replied, “Do you think you can ride?” he asked. But even as the words left his mouth he knew the answer. The rate at which the energy and color was leaving you was alarming.

“Nevermind that, we will ride together. I am going to remove the dagger and wrap your wound. Then before you know it, we will be back in the castle,” he said more to himself than to you.

The amount of pain that you felt as he withdrew the dagger was unlike anything you had felt before. Your cries of pain brought tears to the young king’s eyes as he quickly tore his shirt to wrap tightly around you. 

“I liked that shirt.”

“I’ll get Merlin to mend it then,” Arthur returned. He then lifted you up and carried you over to the horse. He was debating the best route to take knowing that there would most likely be more of Morgana’s men. With the way he was positioned, it would be impossible to go beyond a trot without jostling you too much and causing you additional pain.

As you were riding, it was beginning to become more and more of a struggle for you to stay awake. Arthur noticing this decided it was best to keep you talking. 

“You know, this is still not the worst date that I’ve been on,”

“Is that so?”

“Yeah, though at least in the other ones I actually got to eat the food,” he tried to joke. Your soft laughs turned into coughs. Which brought concern to Arthur. “Just take it easy Y/n, we will be there soon.”

“Arthur I-”

“Shh, just save your strength.”

“No, I need to say this just in case,” 

“Y/n please, you are going to be fine. There is no need for dramatics,” he tried to hide his concern. 

“Well then I won’t tell you that I love you,” you struggled.

“And I won’t tell you that I love you too,” he replied. 

It was minutes later that your body went completely slack against his. “Y/n? Y/n, hold on,” he said as he had to shift in order not to lose balance or hold of you. He brought the horse to a stop long enough to check that you were still breathing. He then began to direct the horse faster until he made it into the courtyard. 

He was immediately greeted by the knight’s who were not expecting him back for some time. Upon seeing him they questioned what had happened and if he were okay. But he ignored them and lifted you up, carrying you straight to Gaius’ chambers. 

The old man was startled when the door was kicked open. His eyes went wide as he saw the king carrying you in. “Merlin!” he yelled before quickly clearing off his table. Arthur laid you down, taking in the sight of you for the first time since he had helped you on the horse.

“What happened?” Merlin asked 

“We were attacked by some of Morgana’s men. She pushed me out of the way of a dagger. I tried to stop the bleeding,” Arthur answered. 

“How long has she been unconscious, Sire?” Gaius asked. 

“Not long, since the edge of the woods at most,” Arthur answered, “Is she going to be okay Gaius?”

“I will do everything that I can, I promise, but please give me some space,” Gaius said. 

Arthur agreed reluctantly before leaving the room. Once he closed the door he was met with Leon and Gwaine, who asked him what had happened. He explained and sent out patrols to scour the area and return with your horse. He then sunk down in the hallway, refusing to leave until he had a better sense of your condition. 

Meanwhile Gaius had managed to stop your bleeding. He had been able to determine that beyond the fact that the wound was deep and you had lost a considerable amount of blood, that you should be fine. He gave you a potion to help speed up your recovery and sent Merlin to fetch Arthur, so that you could be taken up to your chambers.

As soon as he opened the door he couldn’t say he was entirely surprised to see that Arthur had never really left.

“How is she?” 

“Gaius stopped the bleeding and gave her something to help her recover from the blood loss, she should be awake by morning,” Merlin explained. 

As Arthur entered he was taken aback by how still you were. You looked small, helpless, something that he’d never really seen before. 

“You can take her back to your chambers, Sire, I will come check on her before dinner,” Gaius informed.

Arthur carried you up and laid you carefully in your bed covering you up and taking a seat by your side. He hadn’t even noticed that Merlin had followed him.

“Arthur, we should get you cleaned up,” he said, pulling out some fresh clothes.

“Hmm?” 

“I said that we should get you cleaned up. You know, so when Y/n wakes she won’t be frightened,” Merlin joked, trying to lighten the mood.

“I suppose you’re right,” Arthur agreed, hesitant to take his eyes off of you. 

“It wasn’t your fault,” Merlin spoke.

“She saved my life.”

“And she is going to be fine,” Merlin reminded. 

“I just don’t know what I would do if something were to happen to her.”

“Hopefully the day that you would find out will never come.” 

Merlin helped Arthur into his fresh clothes. “Is there anything I can get you? Perhaps some food?” 

“No, that will be all Merlin, thank you.” 

“Wow, a day off and a ‘thank you’ in the same day, Gwaine is right, Y/n is making you soft.” 

This caused Arthur to chuckle as he returned to his seat at your side. He watched the steady rise and fall of your chest and paused for a moment to brush some of your hair out of your face. He wished to remain there, but Merlin came in telling him that the knights had returned. Arthur left as Merlin promised to take his place and inform him if there was any change. 

#arthur pendragon #arthur pendragon imagine #arthur pendragon imagines #arthur pendragon x reader #king arthur imagines #king arthur imagine #king arthur x reader #BBC Merlin #merlin imagines #merlin imagine #bbc merlin imagine #bbc merlin imagines #camelot imagine #camelot imagines

[epic-sorcerer]

How adhd Merlin would have been diagnosed(+ more fool stuff!) TDLR at the bottom

Content warning: ableism, medical stuff

Also I did not proof read this, if there are any misspellings or things that are hard to understand please tell me

So, I think a lot of people familiar with my last post can agree that Merlin has adhd. But how would he have been labeled in his time?

Before we really get into research, I want to remind y’all that medieval times sometimes worked in umbrella terms for disabilities, but, for some reason, there was no term for disability itself. Only general groups.

The main ones where:

Lepre/lepra: person with leprosy

Blynde: blind person

Dumbe: nonverbal person

Deaff: deaf person

Natural fool: learning disabled or mentally ill person. Not to be confused with an artificial fool, who are abled people pretending to be a fool in the role of a jester. Natural fools could also be jesters, but not all of them were.

Creple: physically disabled person

Lame: restricted use of arms or legs

Lunatick: broad term for a mentality ill person.

Now, I think we can all agree that we can cross off all the physical terms, a long with dumbe and deaff. This leaves us with Natural fool and lunatick. Let’s do some more digging about these terms, shall we?

“Foolishness is the unawareness or lack of social norms which causes offence, annoyance, trouble and/or injury. The things such as impulsivity and/or influences may affect a person's ability to make otherwise reasonable decisions. In this sense, it differs from stupidity, which is the lack of intelligence. An act of foolishness is called folly.”

- “Foolishness.” Wikipedia, Wikimedia Foundation, 5 Jan. 2021, en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Foolishness.

There is a surprising amount of debate surrounding how it categorize adhd. The 2 most common ones are learning disability and behavioral disorder. To further prove my position, I will dissect this whole definition.

Unawareness or lack of social norms: our brains are different so we perceive the world differently. this can affect relationships, our “politeness,” and even our gender and or gender presentation. Like me, Merlin always seemed like he experiences being a man differently than other men, while still being one.

For example, I’m a cis woman with adhd. I use she/her pronouns, pass as my birth gender, use my birth name, and have long hair. Other than that, however, I basically do whatever I want gender wise, even if these don’t always effect gender, they are commonly associated with it. 

I see that in merlin as well. He identifies as a man, has a masc name, uses he him pronouns, has short hair and passes as a man. However, that’s about all he does in preforming gender. He dresses in a way that is almost androgynous compared to the high standards of masculinity in medieval times.

He also isn’t afraid to show his emotions and talks back to authorities. Even if it’s “rude” Merlin is used to being seen as weird and knows he’s not losing anything to do what is right or healthy for him.

impulsivity: adhd is known for this trait from possible hyperactivity. Merlin often makes bad or potentially bad decisions because of his impulsivity or trouble with social norms. For example, calling out Arthur in the first episode. Merlin is also shown doing things that could get him killed but doesn’t out of sheer luck. Someone get this man one of those child leashes, he keeps running off unsupervised. /lh /j

Now that I feel I’ve successfully proven Merlin’s folly, here’s an extended definition of lunatick.

Lunatic is an antiquated term referring to a person who is seen as mentally ill, dangerous, foolish,[1][2] or crazy—conditions once attributed to "lunacy". The word derives from lunaticus meaning "of the moon" or "moonstruck".

“Lunatic.” Wikipedia, Wikimedia Foundation, 8 Mar. 2021, en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lunatic.

Well, we already know Merlin is foolish, so let’s cross that one off. And I don’t think Merlin too dangerous, only when he has no choice, so we can cross that off as well. Let’s examine the mental illness factor, because 2/3 forms of lunacy ain’t bad, especially because Merlin would only need to have 1/3 to be a lunatic.

Merlin always seamed to have depression and anxiety to me, along with the fact adhd mimics those things, as well as many other mental illnesses. It is perfectly understandable for someone to diagnose him with lunacy as well.

It is also relevant to note adhd symptoms can present more or less in “phases”, witch could be seen as moon related if you really wanted to connect them. However, it’s completely inaccurate to tie it to the moon even if it could easily be seen as related. I wouldn’t be surprised if a medieval person would think we are impacted by the moon.

(I would also like to draw attention to the fact the fandom also associates merlin with the moon.)

Speaking of mental illness, I have found a closer medieval diagnosis to what merlin is going through. It’s called Melancholia. This condition was said to be caused by an imbalance of the 4 humors, mroe specifically, too much black bile. But what does all that mean?

The 4 humors are inspired by the 4 seasons and elements were used to categorize bodily fluids. The list goes as follows

Blood

Black bile

Yellow bile

Phlegm

According to the system, too much or too little can produce illness in one’s person. For example, too much black bile caused melencolia. The simptoms of this include:

“Hippocrates, in his Aphorisms, characterized all "fears and despondencies, if they last a long time" as being symptomatic of melancholia.[9] Other symptoms mentioned by Hippocrates include: poor appetite, abulia, sleeplessness, irritability, agitation.”

“Melancholia.” Wikipedia, Wikimedia Foundation, 8 Mar. 2021, en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Melancholia.

To simplify this for the average reader:

Anxiety and loss of hope

Loss of appetite

Loss of will power and ability to make decisions

Sleeplessness

Irritability

Now, let’s see how it relates to adhd!

Anxiety and loss of hope. Adhd is infamous for anxiety and depressive traits

Loss of appetite. It is possible an outsider may associate trouble having motivation for eating with no interest in it.

Sleeplessness. Adhd is very much accociated with lack of sleep. Our brains tend to go on and on while we try to sleep and just cannot shut up. This is because of the understimulating environment. These environments can be upsetting to someone with adhd, so they will subconsciously get very involved in our thoughts to save ourselves from that as well.

Irritability: living with adhd can be very frustrating. The world is often too slow and undertimulating, not to mention we often don’t take care of ourselves well so it can really affect our mental health. Adhd in general is also associated with irritability.

I would also like to bring up the imagery of Merlin with foolishness, as long as similarities to the Shakespearean Fool character type.

Merlin in fools and and clothes in episode 4, season 1.

Episode 1, season 5

I would also like to draw attention to the countless instances of ableist language and micro-aggressions thrown at merlin. For example, he is often called a fool, stupid, etc. These words have origin in ableist language and diagnosis.  

Back to the shakespearean fool. Here’s a definition so we are all on the same page. 

“Shakespearean fools are usually clever peasants or commoners that use their wits to outdo people of higher social standing. In this sense, they are very similar to the real fools, and jesters of the time, but their characteristics are greatly heightened for theatrical effect.”

“Shakespearean Fool.” Wikipedia, Wikimedia Foundation, 11 Dec. 2020, en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shakespearean_fool.

So, we know that Merlin is a fool, so we can ignore that bit and only focus on the first sentence. Merlin so known to mess with and use his cleverness to tease and play with people, mostly Arthur. This is a perfect example of a Shakespearean fool by this section.

It is also very important to note that the fool knew they had a very secure job and would be able to get away with more than the average person, not to mention they were always near the king. They got insight into almost everything. This means they can give brutally honest advice to the king that is actually helpful, instead of just kissing his ass all day. (And adhd helps with honesty, we will blurt things out at any given moment)

The fool would also distract others when the king of someone else of importance is slipping up or doing something in secret. Fools would make the king laugh when he was down and provide very clever solutions to the kingdoms problems. This could be because adhd people have different minds, and are sometimes able to think of something not only better than a neurotypical, but more efficient.

Again, Merlin also shows these traits. Even though he’s a servant and not a fool, Merlin is still close to Arthur and is always aware of what’s going on in Camelot. Merlin makes Arthur laugh—or at least tries to—and also gave very good wisdom and advice to Arthur.

Conclusion/TLDR:

Merlin would have been diagnosed with lunacy, more specifically, foolishness and melancholia. He also had a similar role as a shakespearean fool in the show.

Main sources:

Also I do make some claims about adhd, but as some of them are very simple and only mentions, I did not cite specific evidence. I have adhd, and I think that’s enough for these occasional instances. Not to mention that they are so widely considered as true, I cannot possibly cite evidence. Like every article would say the same thing and I feel like it’s a waste of time to try and look for one that proves my argument. However you are free to fact check as you wish /gen

#adhd Merlin #Merlin #bbc Merlin #Merlin bbc #neurodiverse character #this turned into a #research paper #I promis this was ment to be a small psot I swear #tw ableism #tw ableist language #tw medical #long post #character analysis

[twinkleton]

at the end of the century - douxie x reader

Whew, this was a douzy to write! I'm so sorry about the wait, maybe it's length will make up for it! This is part two to my last fic, so be sure to give the first part a read if ya haven't! I wanted to include a familiar for the reader, but it just didn't make sense for the story. I'll happily write another fic that has a reader with one if anyone would like! Also, to avoid confusion, this takes place during the "first" battle at killahead. No time travel going on yet, obviously it's changed to where Douxie is involved in the fight. Hope you guys like it!

Tags: @purplesinnerw @clarencebells

As per usual for Camelot, its streets were bustling with its citizens up bright and early for morning shopping. Traders were bartering their newfound treasures, and parents were buying food and supply for their families. For Y/N however, she was neither a trader or a member of a family. She had nothing, except her magic. Of course she felt terrible tricking people into looking the other way while she grabbed onto a loaf of bread or an extra shirt she’d need, but in order to survive it’s what she had to do. After a while, the guilt can subside. She’d rather be doing this than have to rely on anyone ever again.

Still, as she leaned back against a wall, taking a bite out an apple she’d taken earlier, she couldn’t help but feel jealous at the sight of a little girl on top of her father’s shoulders, laughing along with her mother without a care in the world. She’d argued it was because of having to look at someone so privileged, but really it was because of having to look at someone so loved.

---------

Three years later,

Tensions had reached their peak between Morgana and King Arthur, and a war was about to begin against Gunmar and his army of Gumm-Gumms. Morgana had had enough of his mistreatment of magical creatures, therefore her loyalty to him was hanging by a thread. It didn’t seem enough that Arthur seeked help from the trolls of Dyoza, as she believed he only saw them as pawns. 

Back in Merlin’s study, him, Douxie, and Archie were discussing how to prepare for the upcoming battle, more specifically, what to do about Y/N. 

“No, we are not leaving her here!” Douxie shouts at Merlin. Archie gives him a concerned look.

“Douxie…” he says, trying to calm his friend.

“No, Y/N has never given us any reason to doubt her. How could you suggest such an idea as to lock her up until the battle is over? What has she ever done to deserve that?!”

“Hisirdoux, this is not about what she has done, but she potentially could do. We know how close she is to Morgana, and Morgana will say or do anything to persuade her to be on her side. With Y/N she has an advantage, an extra card in her deck. Keeping her here is only a precaution. It’s a way to keep Y/N safe and to keep Morgana from being stronger,” Merlin explains. 

Douxie isn’t convinced by that. He knows Y/N. He knows that she would not want to be stuck here while the rest of them go off and risk their lives for Camelot. And if Morgana sees her on their side, maybe Y/N could be the one to convince her to stop. 

“Clearly you’ve forgotten that she was the one that stopped me from bringing dark shadows into Camelot. Ever since she’s been here she’s done nothing except be the kindest and most understanding out of all of us. There’s nothing Morgana could say or do that would convince her to go against that.”

“I’m with Douxie,” Archie agrees. “Surely Merlin, you can have a little more faith in the girl. And with her training from Morgana, she could be our biggest asset against her and Gunmar.”

Douxie gives him a scratch behind the ear, silently thanking him. Archie beams at him. 

Merlin gives a sigh in defeat, not willing to argue anymore about the subject. “Alright, we won’t keep her here. However, should she side with Morgana, I fear her safety will be gravely-”

“What are the three of you up to?” As if summoned by them talking about her, Y/N walks in. 

All three of them stop in their tracks, faces blanched.

Douxie decides to sacrifice himself in explaining. “N-nothing Y/N! We were just uh..trying to calm down Archie! You know him, always been a scaredy-cat,” he nervously chuckles, picking up Archie and frantically petting him. Archie’s face screams unenthused.

“Ah yes, frightened I am.”

Y/N giggles at the absurdity going on. She walks over to Douxie, saving Archie from him. He relaxes in her arms, belly exposed for Y/N to give light scritches. 

“Aw, it’s alright, Arch. I’ll make sure nothing bad happens to you, okay?” she playfully reassures. Despite obviously not needing the comfort, Archie purrs at that. Much like everyone she’s come across since being here, Archie full-heartedly loved her.

Merlin takes the opportunity to leave the room. “I must go. There’s still much to be done before the battle.” He stops at the door, turning to look at Y/N. “We all trust you, Y/N. Please, don’t let that be a mistake.”

She understands what he meant by that, and stays silent. Merlin takes his leave.

Douxie glares at where Merlin was standing moments ago. “Don’t listen to him. We know you’d make the right call with Morgana.”

Y/N lets Archie out of her arms, the familiar jumping onto the table. “I don’t know what to do. Morgana is adamant that Arthur will never see through his hatred with magickind.”

“Don’t you see Y/N? This is the only way to stop my brother and his tyranny.” Morgana had been hiding away, deep in the forest. The only person she trusted with her location was Y/N, on the condition that she swore not to reveal it to anyone else, or else their lives would be the first one targeted in the upcoming war. Y/N agreed to the terms. 

“And you honestly believe Camelot or the world even would be safer with someone like Gunmar? Once he defeats Arthur, there would be nothing to stop him from conquering everyone, including you. The world would be in shambles,” Y/N insists. It pained her heart arguing against Morgana, the first person in the longest time she’d felt safe with. It wasn’t easy for Morgana either. 

“What have I been trying to tell you from the moment you set foot in that castle? Arthur fears us, he fears Gunmar, me, and you. Magic is nothing to be afraid of. You’ve seen the wondrous things magic can do.”

“And I’ve also witnessed the horrible things it’s capable of. I know magic can be good, but people like Gunmar have to be stopped. Please Morgana, you can still do the right thing,” Y/N pleads.

Morgana turns her back on her apprentice, beginning to walk away. “The same could be said for you, my dear.” 

Despite her best efforts, Y/N can’t stop a tear from falling out of her eye. Douxie immediately walks over to comfort her, wrapping his arms around her. 

“I’m afraid, Doux,” she admits, grabbing onto the front of his tunic. “I spent years not trusting anyone, fending for myself, and the whole time I was so lonely.” Soft whimpers could be heard coming from her.

Douxie begins softly petting the back of her head, patiently waiting for her to continue. 

“Morgana was the one who saved me from that life, who gave me hope. She felt like the mother I never had.”

She slightly pulls away from Douxie, wanting to look at him. Looking into her grief-stricken eyes made Douxie almost want to agree to Merlin’s plan of keeping her here, just so she wouldn’t have to face Morgana. He knows she wouldn’t want to do that however.

“What if she’s gone after this? Will I be left all alone again?” Deep down she knows she wouldn’t be alone, but her paranoia was telling her other things.

“Never,” Douxie assures. He pushes her hair away from her face, pressing his hands against her cheeks. “I promise, darling. You will never feel alone ever again,” he swears. Y/N’s fears melt away with his words, her eyes refusing to leave his. They didn’t notice how close they had gotten until Archie interrupted. He hops onto Douxie’s shoulders, causing him to let go of Y/N in order to regain his balance. He lets out a huff of annoyance, with Archie giving him a cheeky smile. 

“Don’t worry dear Y/N. No matter what happens, Doux and I will always be here for you.” She smiles at that, giving Archie a loving pat on his head. 

“Thank you, Archie,” she says, looking back at Douxie to grin at him, implying that their moment wasn’t finished. Douxie gets the hint.

--------

Deya slams her amulet into the bridge, opening up the portal to seal away Gunmar and his army. Y/N had stayed with the trolls of Dyoza to help them against the Gumm-Gumms, leaving Merlin, Douxie, and Archie to defeat Morgana. 

The fight had gone too long for Merlin who was injured, weakening his magic. Archie had been knocked out earlier by a strong blow from Morgana. Douxie was holding his own despite Morgana being far stronger than him, however it didn’t last long. 

Pushing her hands away from her, a huge burst of dark wind cascaded the arena they were in, leaving Douxie and Merlin blind. Morgana seized the opportunity to trap them, tying them up in rope created by her magic. They struggled against them, but there was no use. Morgana started cackling with glee, believing she bested them.

“You fools! You should’ve known better than to go against me. You wasted your lives trying to protect my cowardly brother, and now all your squabbling will be for nothing!” Morgana rises into the air and raises her hand, a strong light pulsing from it, no doubt from her charging her final blow against them. 

Douxie frantically looks around for any sign of help or weapon to use. Finding nothing, his last resort is to use words.

“Morgana! Think about Y/N! You know she doesn’t want this!” he shouts, desperation clear in his words.

“Don’t act as if you care about what she wants! You only see her as your puppet, another pawn for you to use! She and all magickind will finally be free once all of you are gone!” A final pulse comes from her hand, the light so bright it hurts to even glance at. All hope deferred, Douxie’s final wish was for the truth to be heard. 

“You’re wrong! Y/N was the reason I changed for the better! I used to be whiny and immature-”

“Hisirdoux! Now’s not the time for a heart to heart!” Merlin interrupts.

Douxie ignores him, “I used to be bitter about the hand I was given, but Y/N gave me a reason to be grateful for what I had! She’s the brightest out of all of us, and I’m so, so lucky to have met her, befriended her, and fallen in love with her!” A wave of peace fills Douxie, accepting his fate. 

His words have left Morgana speechless. Doubt floods her mind, for the first time since this battle began. However, she snaps back into her fury. 

“Very well, you can die with a peace of mind. I’ll tell Y/N all about your feelings for her while she grieves over your dead body,” she maliciously answers. She throws her hand down, an enormous beam of light launches from her hand.

Douxie closes his eyes, waiting for the feeling of burning skin to come, but it never does.

“There won’t be any need for that, Morgana!”

He recognizes that voice, and his eyes shoot open. The ground beneath them shakes, as Y/N throws up a shield so large, it sends Morgana’s magic flying all across the other side of the room, most of it hitting Morgana herself. She lets out a cry, falling to the floor. 

Y/N sprints over to Merlin and Douxie, freeing them from the ropes.

Douxie gleefully says, “Y/N! You made it! You’re okay- how much of that did you hear?”

Y/N giggles, “Just that last bit. You know, the important bit.”

Douxie lets out an embarrassed chuckle. Archie, having finally woken up, flies over to the couple. “I’d hate to interrupt this lovely reunion, but we do have a ninth-level sorceress to take care of.”

They all turn towards Morgana. “Right, let’s finish this,” Douxie commands.

Douxie and Archie team up, using magic and fire to seal Morgana in a ring of flames. Morgana growls in anger. Y/N puts up shields all around her friends, blocking any of Morgana’s attacks from hitting them. When Morgana shoots her magic at Y/N, Merlin defends her, the bolt ricocheting off his staff and back towards Morgana. Douxie jumps towards Morgana, armed with a sigil designed to freeze her. He successfully reaches her, and the both of them are frozen in the air, except she has no control.

“Hurry! I can’t hold her that long!” Douxie warns. 

“You’ve lost yourself Morgana! Bound to dark magic,” Merlin yells, slamming his staff to the ground, a large sigil of his own covering the floor. 

“I have no choice but to seal you away!” He begins the spell, balls of light rising from the floor. Morgana is able to swing her staff at Douxie, throwing him across the room. However, before she can move, Y/N replaces Douxie, freezing Morgana once more with an even stronger hold. 

“Do it! Finish the spell!” Y/N shouts. 

Morgana screams in frustration. “How dare you, Y/N! I am the reason your life has meaning, I’m the reason for everything you hold dear! You’d be nothing if it weren’t for me!”

“I never was nothing! The only thing I used to be was alone! You’ve given me a family, and for that I’m grateful, but now I have to protect that family! And the only way to do that is to get rid of you!” Y/N turns toward Merlin, “Any day now!”

Merlin chants the final line of the spell, and a beam of light expels from his staff, hitting Morgana at her feet, encasing them in stone. The light slowly works its way up her body.

“I will destroy you all! No matter what it takes, no matter where you go, I will not rest until I’ve ended you and all that you love!” Morgana vows, hitting Y/N with a bolt, knocking her down. Douxie sprints and catches her before she hits the floor. 

Most of Morgana’s body has been encased, leaving only her torso and head free. “I swear on your lives I shall rise again!” 

“And we’ll still be here to stop you once more, buttsnack!” Douxie promises, firmly holding onto Y/N. Once all of her has been frozen, Merlin crosses his arms, finishing the enchantment. Y/N opens up a portal to the Shadow Realm, and Merlin hurls Morgana into it. The last thing heard from Morgana is fearful screaming as Y/N closes the portal.

With the battle finally over, everyone gives a huge sigh of relief, falling to the floor. Archie marches over to Douxie and Y/N, jumping on top of them and licking their faces.

“Arch! That’s disgusting,” Douxie complains with a smile, clearly not meaning it. Y/N hugs Archie, giving him a kiss on the forehead. Douxie beams at the both of them, feeling so content in the moment. 

He puts a hand on her shoulder, “Are you alright, love?” Archie hops off of Y/N, deciding to give them a moment alone.

“I’m okay, more than okay really. She was too far gone, there was nothing more we could do,” Y/N answers. “Now, about your little declaration of love there.”

Douxie nervously giggles, “Yeaahhh, about that. Look desperate times call for desperate measures! Had I known you were just going to waltz in anyway, I would’ve waited for a more romantic evening to confess my undying love for you.”

“Uh-huh.”

“There would’ve been flowers, music, little sweet buns iced with our initials toget-”

Y/N cuts off his rambling by grabbing his tunic with one hand, resting the other on his cheek, and pulling his lips towards hers. Their first kiss is a soft one, with Douxie wrapping his arms around her, pulling her even closer. They let each other go, feeling the sudden urge to laugh at one another for their impeccable timing.

“I love you too, Douxie. More than anything,” Y/N confesses.

Douxie grabs her face and pulls her into another kiss, convinced this is the happiest moment of his life.

Eventually, they remember they’re not alone. They look around to see Merlin passed out on the floor. 

“Merlin!” they both shout, running over to him. Archie apparently had been trying to wake them up, waiting for their moment to be over in order to tell them.

“Why didn’t you tell us he’d passed out?!” Douxie scolds.

Archie waves his paws in defense. “Pardon me, you know I’m all for happy endings. I just didn’t want to be the one to tell you it’s not over yet.” Douxie lets out a groan, slamming his hand to his forehead.

“When do you think he’ll wake up?” Y/N asks.

“Hopefully, soon,” Douxie answers, doubtfully.

--------

Nine centuries later, 

“FUZZBUCKETS!” Douxie screams in the air, being dragged along by a mephit he, Y/N, and Archie were trying to catch. 

“Don’t let go of it!” Y/N shouts, trying to sprint ahead of the creature.

“Ah yes dear, that was the plan all along! To free this poor tortured beast!” he yells sarcastically, before slamming into the ground for the fifth time that night.

“You know it was your sense of humor I fell in love with first!” she quips. She opens up a portal on the floor and jumps into it, opening up another one right in front of the mephit. She draws up a sigil that the mephit bounces off of, knocking him down.

“Ah well, luckily for you I’m quite the jester!” Douxie jokes. 

Archie swoops in and blows fire at the mephit, fatally wounding it. Douxie is then able to cast the creature away. They all let out shouts of victory, Y/N giving each of them a high five. 

“You know, one of these days you two will be the death of me. Maybe don’t start flirting with each other until you’re absolutely certain you’ve caught the shadow mephit,” Archie chides.

Y/N scratches behind Archie’s ear as a way of apology. “I’m so sorry dear husband over there insists on putting his hands on me at every available opportunity. He’s quite the scoundrel,” Y/N teases. 

Douxie scoffs at that remark, pretending to be offended. “Pardon me, dear wife. But if I recall correctly it was you who-” He doesn’t finish his sentence as he’s distracted by the lights suddenly flickering and then bursting. 

“Hisirdoux,” a voice calls out. 

“Is that…?” Y/N questions, looking around.

“I think it is…. Merlin!” Douxie grins in excitement, happy to know his master is finally awake. 

A green sigil lights up from underneath Douxie, making him jump back. Merlin rises up from it, except it’s only a projection of him. 

“Hisirdoux, my faithful apprentice-”

“You darn right I’ve been faithful. Who leaves a guy hanging for almost a millennium? You could’ve sent a raven, or a text! There’s texting you know!” Douxie whines. 

“It’s so good to see you, Merlin,” Y/N says with a smile, giving him a bow. 

Merlin smiles back, “Lovely to see you too, dear Y/N. I see Hisirdoux hasn’t tormented you enough to run to the hills yet.”

Y/N laughs, standing back up, “Actually, he’s done quite the opposite.” She raises her left hand, showing off the ring on her finger. Douxie wraps an arm around her shoulders, eyes staring lovingly at her. Merlin beams at the both of them, glad that they’ve had each other all the years. 

“Congratulations, you two,” Merlin proudly says. 

“Thanks, Master,” Douxie responds gratefully. The last nine hundred have been wonderful with her and Archie at his side.

Merlin clears his throat, “I’ve come here to task you all with a mission. You must bring the Guardians of Arcadia, with haste.” The projection of him fades away, leaving the three of them alone. 

“Errand boys once again, aren’t we?” Archie complains. Douxie lets out a sigh. 

“Don’t think of it as an errand, think of it as another adventure,” Y/N suggests, wrapping her left arm around Douxie and letting Archie climb on top of her shoulders. “It’ll be fun! You’ll see.”

Douxie chuckles, and brings his left hand to her head, pulling it closer to him to press a light kiss against her forehead. “With you, my love, anything’s an adventure.”

--------

Bonus, 

“Wait, so the two of you are wizards?! Not just baristas at the cafe?!” Toby questions. 

“Yup!” Y/N replies. 

“And you’ve been living for nine hundred years?!” 

“Yup!” 

Steve gives Y/N a quick up/down glance, “Well, you certainly don’t look it.”

Douxie glares at him, “Careful, she’s married.”

Steve raises his hands in defense, “I’m just saying! Wait, to you?”

“Yes!” Douxie barks at him. 

“Today’s actually our eight hundred and ninety-sixth anniversary,” Y/N informs them with a smile. 

“And you’re spending it here? Wow Doux, you suck at romance.” Toby criticizes.

Douxie scoffs, “Alright, you go celebrate eight hundred and ninety-five anniversaries and report back to me!”

Y/N lets out a giggle, “Maybe that’s enough questions for now.”

#douxie imagine #hisirdoux x reader #hisirdoux casperan #douxie #toa douxie #douxie casperan #tales of arcadia #trollhunters #wizards #douxie x reader #hisirdoux casperan x reader

[theroundbartable]

Dragon Island

“Absolutely not.” Sometimes, Arthur Pendragon was not only a prat, he was a downright Clotpole. Not that Merlin ever failed to mention it.

“Arthur, I am going with you!”

“And what exactly can YOU do against dragons, Merlin? This is THE dragon Island! My father has been searching for this place for over a decade! There are rumors that there will be dragon lord's there as well! Do you even know how many knights have died since the purge started? Since my father fought these monsters and erased them from this part of the world? If we find this Island, we can end this war! But this is too dangerous for a servant. I can not waste my time consoling you, when the sea is making you sick, Merlin. I have battle strategies to discuss.”

Merlin huffed and crossed his arms. They were standing at the shore, far far away from Camelot. Uther Pendragon had a ship army remaining here in position. He regularly send out spies to find the home island of the dragon lords. Not that there were any actual dragon lords with dragon lord powers left. They were wiped out in the war. But their families remained. Those who valued their traditions and taught each other magic. But weren't the first son's and therefore had none of the abilities their kind was so proud of. But magic was another reason to have them wiped out.

About a week ago, one of Uther's spies had found a trace that lead them to an underwater cave. Barely shallow enough to have a narrow boat sail through. They had found runes engraved in the walls. And the spy was pretty ecstatic that this MUST be the entrance to the secret island.

Well... Since Arthur was the only knight known to have actually killed a dragon (which he didn't), his father found it absolutely logical to send his only son and heir on another suicide mission. Into unknown terrain, with unknown enemies and not one dragon, but a whole army of those impossible-to-kill-except-you're-a-dragon-lord creatures.

It was truly perfect. Arthur could finally proof his worth as crown prince.... again. And almost die.... again. Heroically of course. Uther was a genius.

And apparently Arthur was just as smart, because the idiot prince had decided to go on that mission WITHOUT Merlin. The only ACTUAL dragon lord left in the entire known universe. Not that they knew about that.

“Just so you know – I do NOT get sea sick. And I already know how to use the sails and stuff. Will and I often went out with the fisher of our town. Other than you who grew up in a fancy Castle with perfect temperature in every single room and hundreds of servants working for you. You may train, but you have NO idea how to deal with the weather, with the tides. You barely know how to dress yourself!”, as Merlin exclaimed the last part, he could basically feel the steam of anger from Arthur's nostrils flaring at him, while a few knights were snickering behind them.

The knights were, by the way, currently occupied readying the boat.

“Fishing on a boat and Sailing on the open sea is totally different.”, Arthur argued, causing Merlin to roll his eyes and facepalm himself. “Fisher's... sail, Sire.”, he muttered, causing Arthur to frown as if that confused him for some reason.

“I don't care. You cannot stop me. I'll come with you.”, Merlin's expression was final.

“I'm the crown prince of Camelot, Merlin. You have to do what I say.”

“I never listen to what you say. Why would I start now?”

In the end, Gwaine and Leon were ordered to drag Merlin away from the boat. All while Arthur ignored the very obvious argument (provided by Merlin and confirmed by at least two other knights), that he NEEDED Merlin. If as a servant or a navigator or maybe a warning radar for obvious danger that Arthur was certain to ignore. He NEEDED him. So, Merlin would definitely find a way.

“Hey, buddy. I gottcha.”, Gwaine winked at him, while Merlin was still trying to make up a perfect strategy, how he could sneak on the ship. Merlin blinked up at him, while Leon just rolled his eyes and pretended not to listen. “What?”, Merlin asked, confused.

“I got a few barrels of water and wine and stuff for the ride. Leon and I have already prepared an empty one for you. You get in and we'll sneak you on.” Merlin had never wanted to hug Gwaine more. “Thank you!!!!”, he beamed at them. “Wait, Leon? You're IN on the plan? You're not going to rat me out to Arthur, are you?”

Gwaine cackled. “It was HIS idea.”

“Huh?”, Merlin looked at the blond knight in confusion.

Leon was still looking away, as if embarrassed by his treason. “If you're not there, Arthur will focus all his attention on US. And I did not sign up for this.”, he was frowning. As if he was already dreading the following days.

“But... how long have I to stay in the barrel? I mean... If I step out too soon, Arthur will insist to turn around.”

“I can survive five days of Arthur being a whirlwind of emotions. You have FIVE days. Gwaine will sneak you out at night. Lancelot has agreed to help. I can distract Arthur, until you're in. Other than that, I was never involved.”, Leon was grimacing the entire time. He seemed exhausted, as if he had already had five different yet similar arguments today and wanted to throttle someone.

“Wow, thank you Leon.”, Merlin looked at him amazed. But Leon's frown only darkened. “Don't thank him.”, Gwaine whispered. “He originally asked, if we could dress you up like him, so he can stay in Camelot and have a vacation until we're back. You may not get sea sick. But HE does.”

“Why.... And he's still allowed on the ship? Wait, why don't we try that? Doesn't sound like a too bad plan. If Leon's sea sick anyway, people would leave him alone to suffer in silence, right?”

Leon sighed with exasperation. “As if that ever stopped Arthur from discussing battle strategies.”, he made a dramatic pause. “If I don't make it -”, Leon made a sound that reminded Merlin of a creaking door. “It was nice knowing you.”

“Don't be so dramatic, Leon.”, Gwaine rolled his eyes. “Honestly, what's with you? Since Uther announced this mission, you've been nothing but a drama queen.”, he scolded. Leon pouted a little. “I'm being realistic if anythikng. If the sea doesn't drown us, we don't freeze to death or a sudden storm destroys our boat, and we don't get horribly lost in that strange cave and starve to death, then we arrive on an island full of dragons who probably hate Arthur for killing the great Dragon. And being the son of a man who ordered the murder of all dragon kind. Not to mention him indirectly causing the death of the last dragon Lord as well. So we either die, or we die. I'm just planning ahead.”

“So dramatic.”, Gwaine mumbled. But Merlin frowned. Leon got a valid point.

“Be positive. What if we meet a bunch of mermaids?”, Gwaine winked at Leon. Leon frowned even further. “Which kind?” “The hot kind, duh.” “Which is?” Gwaine blinked. “Not this again. You're no fun.”

“No, no, Gwaine. Go ahead. Tell me. Which is the hot kind of mermaid? The Siren one's that lure you in with magic voices and then drown you, so they can rape your dead bodies and make more Sirenbaby's; The manatee's that only start to look appealing when you're so starved and Vitamin C deprived that you start hallucinating right before you pass out and die or the classic one's with boobs and a fish tails that make NO SENSE in their anatomy. Which I will be hearing you complain about for days. When all I want is peace and quiet.”, Leon closed his eyes – yet again- dramatically.

Gwaine was about to open his mouth to counter, when Leon added: “Also, we're knights of Camelot and mermaids are magical creatures. It's your job to kill them, regardless of how hot they seem to you.”

With that, Leon had set Gwaine's brain check mate and left him and Merlin standing there with their mouths comically wide open. Half in shock, half with laughter and amazement. “Holy shit, I think he's finally lost it.”, Gwaine laughed as he watched Leon slump down at the next tree and saying goodbye to the dry unshakable ground.

“Maybe we should ask George to come as well. Or convince Arthur to get him off the ship.”, Merlin muttered. After all, Leon was always a lot calmer when George was around. Maybe because George didn't bully him, did what he was told and was also a good person to be quiet with. George also seemed to prefer Leon as the one ordering him around, because Leon wasn't chatting endlessly. He was precise in his orders and didn't talk around the bush. They got along well. Because they didn't have to get along at all. They had the ultimate work-efficient dynamic. It was horrifying.

“Are you kidding? This will be hilarious.”, Gwaine grinned.

“Don't you think Leon deserves a break?”, Merlin asked, still startled by Leon's obvious irritation. “From work? Yes. From me? NEVER!”, Gwaine winked again. And Merlin already pitied the poor knight.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Leon was indeed... sick. The moment the ships left the haven, Leon was slumped over the reeling and holding on for his life. He was suspiciously green in the face and tried to avoid Arthur. Who was continuously ignoring Leon's condition and decided to ask him for how many days they had planned to be on sea. How many weapons they had and discussed whether or not they were actually suitable to kill dragons. And if there was enough food and water and so on and so forth.

He did not realize that the barrel Gwaine had decided to sit on had a few holes in it, that should not be there, were wine in it. Gwaine was chatting with Lancelot and occasionally Merlin, albeit in third person like... “I wonder what Merlin would think of this.”, and then get a hushed answer from underneath him.

The sea was relatively calm for the first three days. And Elyan, who was assigned to steer the ship, had no trouble finding the right path. Arthur seemed content too and left Leon alone on day two.

Leon was hardly eating. And if he ever did, he puked it out ten minutes later. By the third day, he was leaning against the reeling once again. Eyes closed with an obvious headache and ready to drink poison to free him from his misery.

Merlin was still sitting inside the barrel. Except for at night, when Lancelot would let him out, while Gwaine annoyed the prince. It worked surprisingly well. Yet, Merlin was a bit worried. Not necessarily to be found out. That was kind of part of the plan. No... By the way Arthur behaved.

The first two days, it was hardly noticeable. Arthur had focused on talking to Leon. Or Elyan or Gwaine and Lancelot. But after they had run out of conversational topic, Arthur had started to isolate himself. Merlin could see him through the holes of his hiding place. He was often standing at the reeling and staring out towards the horizon. He was eerily quiet. And appeared to be melancholic. If not slightly sad.

“Hey, Merlin.”, Lancelot whispered at an afternoon on day four. Merlin was still shocked that his disguise had apparently worked well so far. Then again, Arthur was terrifyingly oblivious to most of his secrets. “Can't you like... use magic to heal Leon's sickness?”

Of course. If anyone had it bad these days it was Sir Leon. Gwaine was currently occupied with drinking. Otherwise Lancelot would not have dared mention Merlin's illegal existence to him. “Do you think that's wise? What if they all notice? After all, Leon has been sick for three days now. If he was suddenly fine, wouldn't they ask?”

“And you think they'd explain it with magic? Merlin. Leon could have just gotten used to the sea. I'm sure no one will notice.”

“Are you sure?”, Merlin asked back and tried to focus on Leon's pitiful form. “I'm positive. Even if they think it's magic, they don't even know you're here. And what sorcerer would just appear on this ship, just to heal Leon?” “Good point.”

Merlin took a shuddering breath, as he strained himself to look through the barrel once again. Leon had his eyes closed and he was breathing harshly. Arthur was standing right next to him. Deep in thought. As if on cue, he suddenly straightened up, pushed himself from the reeling and went under deck.

Merlin nodded to himself. And then whispered a silent spell in Leon's reaction. There was a flash of gold for barely a second. But in that moment, Leon opened his eyes and looked at Merlin. Merlin froze. They locked eyes. Merlin caught his breath. “Lancelot. I think he saw.”, Merlin muttered, panic was slowly sinking in, along with the realization of the situation. Lancelot frowned. “What?”, he asked. “Lance, I think he knows.” “Merlin, stop mumbling. I'm certain you're imagining things.”

Leon's eyes flickered shut for a second and he took a deep breath. Then he held his head in slight irritation, before looking in Merlin's direction again. He ….. sighed in relieve. Slowly, he pushed himself up. Still holding his head, as he took a deep breath. He nodded at Merlin. Like he was... thanking him? Was Merlin really imagining this? But Leon smiled, stretched himself and rubbed at the dark circles under his sleepless eyes. As if to say: “finally.”

Soon enough, he was gone as well. Merlin opened his mouth to say something, but shook his head to himself, while Lancelot had a firm hand on his barrel.

---------------------------------------

It was night, when Merlin was finally let out of his barrel. The knights were asleep. All but the one on watch. Which was Gwaine, fortunately. Meaning, Merlin could safely leave the barrel, chat with him and eat in peace. He had slept through the day mostly. He trusted that Lancelot and Gwaine would stop anyone from opening this particular barrel during the day.

And if anyone got to close, he could always hear one of them say, this was the “victory wine.” Like this was the finest wine of them all and reserved for the day they managed to defeat the dragon lords. It was a good excuse. Albeit difficult to maintain, because nobody believed Gwaine could hold himself back from wine for that long.

Either way, for now it was fine. Merlin's legs were dangling off the watch tower, while Gwaine leaned against the rod behind him. The sails were up, because the wind was in their favor.

It was then, that suddenly, someone crawled up from under deck.

Even in the dim moonlight, Merlin could make out the shine of Arthur's armor. Everyone had already told him, wearing armor on a boat was absolutely insane. If he ever fell off the boat, he'd drown immediately. Because the weight would just drag him down. But the clotpole was too stubborn to listen. And right now it was as useful as a warning signal to them. 'Why is he up?', was all Merlin could think, as he nearly shrieked through Gwaine's mindless chatter and hid underneath a blanket that lay around behind them. Gwaine, surprised at his reaction, finally noticed the prince as well and waved at him, while Arthur gave him a startled expression. Merlin could have kicked Gwaine for drawing Arthur's attention to them.

“Gwaine? What are you doing?”

Gwaine rose both his eyebrows in amusement. “Oh, I'm on watch. You know. Talking to myself. Looking at the stars. Nice weather out, don't you think?”, he laughed suspiciously.

Arthur frowned and sighed, before climbing up the ladder with a sigh. He shook his head, as if used to these antics and hardly caring for them at all. Merlin hurried to shuffle behind Gwaine, so that Arthur wouldn't notice him. And Gwaine did his best to position himself in a way that Merlin was mostly covered by his frame. In a practiced manner, Merlin steeled his heart and his breathing and went completely still. A method he had accustomed to during his time out in the barrel.

By the time Arthur got up to them, Merlin might as well have vanished. That's how invisible he was. Though, to himself, he felt extremely obvious.

“So, er... Sire. Can't sleep?”, Gwaine asked. It was pretty late. Too late to still be up. Too early to have woken up again. Gwaine pat the ground beside him, so Arthur could sit down. It would be suspicious if he send him away. But Merlin was certain Gwaine did it to taunt him. “Not really.”, Arthur said and yawned. If Merlin could see through the blanket, he would see that the circles under Arthur's eyes were nearly as dark as Leon's had been.

His voice didn't really leave room for conversation. He sounded tired, as if he really didn't want to talk. And despite Gwaine's usual annoyance, he didn't press the matter. He hummed instead. For one, because it was Gwaine. Who would he be, if he wasn't drinking ale and doing noisy things all the time? However, this also served the purpose of covering up all unintentional noises Merlin could have made in the dead silence of the still night. It was too still. But they weren't used to the ever changing weather of the sea. Else, they would have been alarmed.

“It's funny.”, Arthur said after a moment of hummed silence. “What is, Sire?” “I would have thought Merlin would have sneaked on to the ship and come out by now.”

Gwaine laughed comically. Startled by the sudden comment. Arthur ignored him, but Merlin nearly smacked Gwaine for that obvious reaction.

“Well. That surely sounds like Merlin. But we would have found him in no time.”, Gwaine assured him.

“Yeah I know. Still.”, Arthur sighed and shook his head, before running a hand through his face. “I mean... Now that he's not here, I can't stop thinking that I basically left him alone with my father. You know my father. If Merlin doesn't behave, the king will certainly have him flogged. Or worse. I mean... he has these moments when he accuses random people to be sorcerers. What if I left him to one of those antics? Did I make a mistake leaving him home?”

Arthur sounded worried and he was suddenly found playing with his own hands.

Gwaine opened his mouth in surprise. “Huh?”, he asked. “I thought you didn't want him to come? ”

Arthur rolled his eyes. “He's still saver with my father than he is raiding a dragon infested island with us, isn't he?” That was.... an actual question. Not a rhetoric one, like one would expect. No. Arthur was seriously asking. His tone was probably supposed to be rhetoric, but he sounded too emotional. Too concerned. Too guilty.

Gwaine's mouth dropped open. Merlin's heart stilled. “Since when are you so worried about Merlin?”, Gwaine asked and sat up straight. After all... Arthur had never really shown his emotional side to Gwaine. Not like this. Not verbally. There would be lots of teasing, surely. Later on, of course. And Arthur should know that. But Arthur was sleep deprived and concerned and he needed to vent. That may not be wise. But since when do people do reasonable things?

“I'm not worried.”, Arthur denied immediately. Gwaine raised an eyebrow. Which Arthur noticed. “Look -”, Arthur started. “I couldn't take Merlin with us on this trip. Merlin is a servant and he's always unarmed-”

“That never stopped you from taking him on hunts.”, Gwaine raised both eyebrows now.

Arthur groaned. “That's different. We're knights. We can protect him from bandits. Dragon's are.... a whole different story. I faced one and I passed out and I still don't know HOW we survived. I know I killed it, but it was incredibly close. And this mission... I'm not sure we'll make it.”, Arthur let his head sink.

Gwaine paused for a moment. “Wait... you think we'll all die?”, he asked, eyes wide and suddenly terrified. “Of course not.”, Arthur said absently. But it was clearly a lie. “Jesus. You're in a good mood.”, Gwaine mumbled to himself. For the first time, he sounded worried too.

“So... you left Merlin in Camelot because -”

“I don't want him to die.”, Arthur confessed. Albeit reluctantly. “But … you said you thought he'd be here?”, Gwaine pointed out. Arthur breathed. Then he turned to look at Gwaine. “Is it selfish to wish he had ignored my orders?”

Gwaine blinked. “Huh?” To be fair, he had wanted to tease Arthur about the fact that nothing Arthur just said opposed the idea that he was – indeed – worried about Merlin in any way. But that last comment confused him and changed the focus of this conversation.

“I don't want him to die with us. But -”, Arthur bit his lip. “If I die, I'd rather die at his side. Is that weird?”

Gwaine glanced at the blanket, where Merlin strained his ears to hear every word Arthur was saying. Merlin's breathing was getting rigid. This conversation.... was unusual. Very... unusual for Arthur.

Gwaine blinked, then he forced himself to grin and make a more joyous expression. As he always did. Because positive energy was his thing. “Now now, princess.”, he put an arm around Arthur shoulder, which Arthur let him do with a disapproving frown. “Sounds like someone here got a small crush on our dear Merlin.”

Merlin fought the urge to kick him yet again, worried that this would reveal him from underneath the blanket. Gwaine was clearly overdoing it. He was clearly out to annoy Arthur. Merlin knew that. And he really wanted Gwaine to stop. This was humiliating and mean.

Arthur stared at Gwaine. At the laughing face. The poking and joking and attempt at humiliating him expression. But Arthur's stare didn't waver. And Gwaine's expression lost itself on the realization that he actually hit a mark.

“Wait – seriously?”, he asked and pulled his arm back. Merlin behind him froze. Merlin's inner turmoil was at Gwaine's antics. He had been so focused on cursing Gwaine, that he was completely startled by that sentence. He had not expected for Arthur to just.... not deny it. Which was basically a confession. Merlin's eyes widened. And he stared at the blindness in front of him. Once again, he was completely still. 'Huh?', he thought.

“You think it's weird.”, Arthur turned away, still fumbling with his hands. And had the little snide remark from Gwaine not been, maybe they could have pretended this sentence didn't mean so much. That this was simply about hoping his friend was here. That they just continued their conversation from before, without the additional information that Arthur – indeed – liked Merlin more than he ought to.

“I- what? No!”, Gwaine was quick to retaliate. “Of course not. I'm just surprised, is all. I mean... it's Merlin.”

“And?”, Arthur was frowning. As if ready to defend his friend. Which in itself was news to Merlin. Since when did Arthur defend him behind his back? Either way, this was Merlin they were talking about. And it was Gwaine he was talking about him with. There was no need to get defensive. “I didn't think you'd admit it! Especially to me.” The 'everyone loves Merlin, so of course I'm not surprised' was left unsaid. Needless to say. It was only Merlin who didn't recognize that implication.

Arthur let his shoulders slump. “Yeah well. If we're dying anyway, even you teasing me and telling everyone can't make it worse.”

“First of all. Rude. You underestimate me, Sire. You have no idea what I'm capable of. Second of all. Why are you all so dramatic these days? First Leon, now you? We haven't even arrived at the island yet and you're all planning our funerals! Who is to say we even find the island? Or the dragons?”, Gwaine flailed his arms, before putting a soft hand on Arthur's tense shoulders. His tone turned soft. Very unlike Gwaine. But it was not the first time he had worn that expression. He'd acted like this before. Tender and soft and fond. Mostly for Merlin, because Merlin was his first and therefore best friend. And he worried about him too. “And last, but not least. You'll see Merlin again, Sire. And even if he found out, he wouldn't tease you for this. Merlin has a good heart.”

Arthur looked up. Surprised by the comforting tone of Gwaine's voice. After all, Gwaine was not exactly the go to type, when it came down to emotions.

People often underestimate the clown friend. Radiating joy and fun doesn't always come from ignorance and obliviousness. It doesn't always mean they are secretly depressed either. Often, these kind of people have gone through much more than they let on. Often, they have learned to deal with their own emotions and come to the conclusion that having fun, being truly blissful brightens not only the world of others. It brightens their own as well. That doesn't make them less empathetic. It doesn't make them less understanding. Quite the contrary. They have a deep understanding of such situations and decided not to take it seriously. Because not everything has to be. And sometimes it's smarter not to think about stuff too deeply.

“You think?” Arthur's own voice was strangely hopeful. Like knowing he'd see Merlin again was all that mattered. Like the other comfort about surviving wasn't nearly as helpful. Or dare say, important.

“I'm certain.”, Gwaine grinned knowingly. Arthur smiled in relief at that. There was a pause between them, before Arthur added. “If you ever tell him about this conversation, I'll drown you in the ocean.”

Gwaine laughed at that. “No promises, princess.” Truth is, he could. He could easily promise it. But he wouldn't be Gwaine if he said that. It would be too obvious that he was hiding something as well. Arthur laughed.

“Nuts?”, Gwaine asked, suddenly and held out a can full of salted nuts. Startled by the question, Arthur almost bend over from laughing. “You're unbelievable.”, Arthur shook his head. Suddenly embarrassed that he confessed all this to Gwaine. But he accepted the nuts anyway.

The rest of the night was spend almost quietly. Which wasn't for long and Gwaine did his best to just distract Arthur. Which meant, it was just Gwaine and Arthur chatting about Merlin. It was mostly Gwaine. Because Gwaine's mindless babbling often meant talking positively about Arthur's servant. Arthur was already used to this.

For once though, Arthur was just as deeply into the conversation. “I think, if Merlin was here, he'd feel guilty.”

“Why is that?”, Gwaine asked, encouraging Arthur to continue. He barely concealed his grin, because Merlin was witness to all of this. Unable to move which would lead to exposure.

“Well... the last dragon lord died for him. And now we're visiting the last remains of his culture. Even if they have magic. I can't imagine Merlin be anything but devastated, when he meets them. I suppose the idiot would apologize to them. Like it was in any way his fault! Merlin can be such an idiot sometimes. One would think he wants to die, so often as he drinks poison for others or jumps into mid battle, unarmed. I'm honestly glad he has the decency to hide most of the time, while we handle things. I don't think I'd be able to concentrate on fighting, if he just -”, Arthur exhaled a deep breath and flailed his arms to imply Merlin running into knifes. “He's too brave for his own good.”

“Merlin is the bravest.”

“The bravest man I ever met.”, Arthur agreed and got a chuckled clap on his shoulder for that. “Look at you, Sire. Saying all these nice things about Merlin. Wait till I tell him about it.”

Arthur immediately recoiled. “Seriously, don't.”

“Why? What's so bad about him knowing that you care?”, Gwaine frowned in amusement. Thinking, that Arthur was just shy.

“He knows that I care. I'm pretty damn obvious about it. No need to put any more attention to it.”

Gwaine scoffed in disbelieve. “YOU? Obvious that you CARE? Really? This is what you call obvious?”

“What do you mean?”, Arthur frowned, honestly confused, while Merlin was trying to breathe even slower. Because somehow Arthur had shifted closer to the blanket. A hand was put on it. If Arthur himself made the wrong move, he'd accidentally pull the blanket off of him.

“Arthur. I don't think Merlin even knows you appreciate him at all.”

Arthur was stunned with silence. “You're joking.” Merlin blinked underneath the blanket. Just what on earth was Arthur talking about?

Gwaine stared at him. “Sire... what exactly do you understand about being obvious about this?”

Arthur frowned. “Well... Erm. I'm the prince of Camelot. My father has never allowed me to have friends that are not royal enough to be of knightly status. Merlin is a servant. Yet, he's my best friend.”

Gwaine stared back at him. “Have you told him that?”

Arthur blinked. “No... because my father would ground me, if I ever did. But I have...”, he slowly swayed to the side, searching for the right words. “I treat him like a knight. I take him on hunts where servants are not allowed. I used to punch him, too, like I would a knight, to cheer him up. Though I stopped that, because he said he doesn't like it. And I mean... I stopped. I wouldn't do that for just anyone!

My guards have been ordered to let him into my room, even if I ordered them to let no one in. If I don't want him around, I have to tell them that specially. I er... let him steal my food. He loves blackberries. So do I, but he doesn't need to know that.

He's always insulting me or my father behind his back, but I don't really throw him in the stocks for that. Which I should. That kind of talk is treason. He could be hanged for that, you know?

I give him unnecessary chores, just so he has a reason to hang out with me. And he doesn't get punished, though what he does is a really shabby job. Now that I think about it, I think I mostly pay him for insulting me.

I've defended him in front of my father. I have used my word as knight for him more than once. I have trusted him with my life and drank poison because he told me it was a good idea. Or because the choice was either him or myself. And I trusted him with the antidote or with taking my royal seal back to Camelot to whoever I want to precede me. I have saved his life and protected him in battle...”, at this point, Arthur was counting on his fingers and it looked like he was about to go on for hours.

However, Gwaine looked at him oddly, which made Arthur pause as soon as he noticed. “What?”, he asked, clearly confused with Gwaine's reaction.

“Well... just. I see what you mean.”, Gwaine was talking slowly. Realizing that yes... from Arthur's point of view, all of that was actually extraordinary behavior. But for anyone else... “But you do realize that most of that is just... Look. The things you describe...

Half of the stuff happens behind his back, which you don't tell him. So how would he know? Other stuff is like.... Merlin probably thinks he's just stealing your stuff. Defending someone innocent is not something you do for someone you like. It's something you do for strangers, if their life depends on it. It's something Merlin himself would do for anyone.

And... treating him like a person when he argues with you and taking him seriously is hardly an expression of love, Arthur. I know in your position that's different. But to anyone else. Jesus christ, how do I put this?

The only extraordinary thing about all this, is you risking your life for him. Which he would do for you – for anyone really – without even thinking. And YOU would die for your own people too. I hardly think he sees a difference in your behavior towards him and your general behavior to your people.

Merlin would risk his life for anyone. He doesn't even demand thanks for it.

What you do, is... for a prince.... extremely … er... let's say affectionate. But for Merlin, it's... how do I put it … less than the minimum.”

Arthur blinked. Finally Merlin shifted underneath the blanket. His eyes blinking rapidly now. Gwaine was right. This WAS how he saw things. But the way Arthur described the way he acted.... that wasn't just Arthur trying his best to be a good prince or person. This was Arthur trying his hardest to show he cared! Cared for Merlin! Merlin felt... touched? Kind of. The crush thing aside. That was a whole different level of work in process. (1) He felt his own face heat up with the knowledge that these things... These things that Merlin had guessed were normal for Arthur... that Arthur had done them on purpose. That he had actually thought about Merlin to make sure he was cared for. That this was a far as he could push himself and did it despite the risk of being scolded by his father.

Arthur's mouth was open now. Unable to retort or add on to his previous examples. “But -”

“You do know, Merlin still doesn't believe us, when we tell him that you risked your life getting him a flower, because he thinks we're messing with him, right?”

“That's ridiculous. That flower was needed for an antidote! What is there to doubt about it?”, Arthur exclaimed, almost furious. Merlin shuddered in surprise. 'Huh?', he thought to himself, his face flushing hard.

“Yeah. I know. He does not.”, Gwaine nodded eagerly.

“But... I thought I was so obvious? I mean... Even my father noticed! He's told me I was getting too close to Merlin. So I tried to hold back, but... I thought Merlin knew.”, Arthur appeared shocked. Like someone had just turned his entire world upside down.

“The king noticed?”, Gwaine raised both eyebrows in shock.

“Yes, I mean. When I came back with that flower, he threw me in the dungeons for it. He keeps reminding me that I'm not supposed to be friends with Merlin. He keeps offering me new servants! I've turned down five offers last week!”

Gwaine's mouth dropped open. “Woow.”, he made impressed. “If Uther thinks THAT's a lot. What kind of childhood did you have?”

Arthur looked up, surprised. “I dunno? A normal one I guess? I mean. I didn't have a mom and my father was always busy and Morgana and I were fighting all the time, so....”

Gwaine's eyes squished a little. “Have you ever even been hugged?”, he asked with suspicion.

Arthur straightened his back. “I'm.... not supposed to get close to people until I get married.”, he muttered. Gwaine stared and his mouth dropped open again. “I meant Uther. Did you father never hug you?”

“Was he supposed to do that?”

Gwaine's jaw dropped. “And here I always thought you just were a stuck up royal like anyone else. But your father abandoned you. No wonder you have no idea how to deal with emotions.” Arthur flushed and tried to retort, but then he closed his mouth. Embarrassed.

Gwaine hurried to correct himself. “I mean... considering all this, you're doing a lot, actually. You're a good man, Arthur. I wouldn't be your knight, if I didn't think you were worth dying for. Just. God damn it, I'm getting so mad right now. Your father is an asshole. I mean, I already knew that. But holy shit.”

Arthur frowned. “Don't talk about my father like this!”, he growled, but Gwaine stopped him again. “Nope. You don't get to decide that. You're in denial. He abandoned you. He keeps sending you on quests that could get you killed. He didn't even show you that he cares if you come back!”

“He cried when he thought I was dead though!”, Arthur commented, remembering the troll Catrina accident.

Gwaine blinked. “Good to know where he draws the line. What the fuck, Arthur.”

Arthur bit his lips. He felt defensive for his father. But... wasn't it bad... that he couldn't see a single flaw in Gwaine's accusation?

“Merlin is your exact opposite, you know.”, Gwaine suddenly said and slowly patted Arthur's shoulder. This time highly aware of the fact that this was probably the closest contact Arthur allowed for anyone. Apart from the fact that Arthur had a crush on Merlin and Merlin was the guy who dressed him.... Let's not get into that.

“I know.”

“He grew up with a mom who hugged him every day. Arthur, Merlin is the most affectionate person I know. He's extremely emotional and he's not afraid to show it.”

“I know.”, Arthur said again, but this time softer.

“Compared to that your way of dealing with things probably looks more like you're pushing him away.”

Arthur's head sank and his shoulders dropped. He grabbed the blanket tighter. “I know.”, he said yet again. Frustrated this time. 'I'm trying.', he didn't say, but they all knew it.

“You should talk to him.”

“I know.”, Arthur was defeated.

It was quiet between them once again and Arthur stared out on the sea. And from the distance, you could see the first sun rays of the day illuminate the wooden deck of the ship. Arthur stared at it, as long as it was possible to look into the direction. While Gwaine watched him with worry. Gwaine had almost forgotten Merlin was still there. Merlin, who was trying his hardest to appear invisible. And quiet. And still. Nobody could hear his loud heart beat, but Merlin himself. Though he could swear someone had to notice at some point.

“Rise and shine.”, Arthur suddenly said and smiled to himself. For the first time, the conversation went beyond Gwaine's understanding and he could just stare at him in confusion.

But Merlin could hear what Arthur was actually saying. It was the sentence Merlin always woke Arthur up with. In this context, it meant, Arthur was thinking of that. Of early mornings and Merlin in it. The way his smile slowly fell, Merlin could feel that Arthur was actually missing him. And hoping he was here. Unaware that his wish had already come true.

It took Merlin everything he had in himself, to not jump up from underneath the blanket and just hug him to death. Which he now knew would equal a marriage proposal to Arthur. Oh god, all those love potion incidents …. where Arthur hugged and kissed random women. The boy must have had a mental breakdown afterwards. Now that Merlin thought of it, Arthur used to behave really strange after those incidents.

Meaning, he wouldn't talk to anyone. He would excuse himself a lot. Would be anxious around everyone he was forced to talk to. And he'd be especially awkward around Merlin. Merlin's eyes widened once again with a start and it paralyzed him as he realized precisely WHY that had been. He flushed. And he was glad Arthur couldn't see him like this.

“Sire?”, Gwaine finally asked, still uncharacteristically gentle. Arthur shook his head. “Nothing. I'll go back to sleep. Leon should be up soon. I think he's already feeling much better.” Arthur sighed and pushed himself up. He let go of the blanket, making Merlin exhale a deep breath. Then he took the ladder down again.

One last time, he was stopped by Gwaine. “Wait, Arthur.”

Arthur stopped for a moment. “What is it?”, he asked.

“You like Merlin right? As in, you're in love with him.”

Arthur flushed, but he answered with a hesitant “yes.”. Which was like a major blow in Merlin's guts. Because being in love was an entirely different thing than having a crush. And yet, to have this confirmed... Merlin struggled to breathe.

“What will you do, if he doesn't like you back?”

There was a pause. A heavy one. Then Arthur sighed. “Gwaine... It's not like anything can happen between us anyway. Even if Merlin did like me back. I can't tell him. Merlin is the best friend I have. I couldn't bear to loose him. I won't let anything or anyone, not my father, not a potential wife, not even my own feelings get in the way of that. I won't ruin what we have. I couldn't live with myself.” And with that, he disappeared under deck. Leaving Gwaine behind, completely stunned.

Finally, Merlin pulled the blanket off of himself and dramatically breathed the fresh air around him. It had started to get really stuffy under that.

Gwaine turned around, almost startled. As if he had truly forgotten that Merlin had been there. They looked at each other for a moment. Unsure what to say.

--------------------------------------------

The storm hit the boat without any warning. Maybe, if they had known about the “calm before the storm”, they would have noticed that there was – indeed – a warning. But they didn't. Because Uther didn't care that these knights had no idea about sailing. Or rather, most of them. The one's who did know about it, had been asleep, as Arthur had assigned none of them to keep watch.

They were lucky they made it in time to get the sails in. But as soon as the storm was raging, they had to hold on to everything for dear life. They had no time to fixate any of their belongings to the ship. Which meant that now, barrels and bottles and cups and knifes and anything they had lying about, was now thrown around their ears.

Those who had the great misfortune to get knocked out by a barrel, got thrown of the ship. But through all that, you couldn't hear the screams and the shouts. The storm was so loud, it deafened everything that was further than two steps away.

In a strange way, the storm came over them silently. Merlin had never managed to get back into his barrel. But he had shushed Gwaine to bind himself to the watchtower. The entire thing was about to be blown off, was it not for Merlin's magic.

In fact, while Gwaine closed his eyes, praying the storm to be over, Merlin used his magic to keep his friends safe. Albeit, there were too many of them. He couldn't safe everyone. But he DID manage to keep Arthur safe. Who was running around in that blasted armor and shouting orders to his subordinates. He was not lucky to be okay. He was lucky to have Merlin to keep him that way.

That was, until Merlin saw his own barrel being thrown off the ship. And Lancelot saw it. But Lancelot didn't know Merlin wasn't in there. Oh fucking hell no.

Lancelot screamed his name. And he managed to shout so loud, that Arthur turned around, totally confused why one of his knights would shout out the name of his servant in the middle of a storm. But Arthur, foolish, kind, love deprived Arthur, made the connection. And when Lancelot shouted at him to explain that Merlin was supposed to be IN that barrel that was now about to drown on the ocean. Arthur did the most foolish thing a prince could do.

He gave Leon the authority.... and – in a panic- jumped after Merlin.

Who was not in that barrel, but on the watch tower. Who watched and stared and couldn't believe what he saw. Because Arthur had just JUMPED of the ship for him. Fully armed with his sword and knife and wearing armor.

'That fucking idiot.”, Merlin mouthed and now panic washed over him as well. In a moment decision, Merlin yelled at Gwaine to stay where he was. And then he slid down the ladder. Not even bothering to use the steps. His hands already burned from the heat of the fraction. And splinters of the cold wood edged into his skin. But he didn't give a damn.

He ran over the deck, seeing panicked and confused faces everywhere and then he directly jumped after Arthur.

The storm wouldn't stop for another five hours. Thanks to Merlin, the casualties were little to none. But even after the storm had calmed and the sea lay still around them, while the knights tried to catch their breath.... Merlin and Arthur could not be found among the wrecks. And Leon's headache was returning. (1) The sentence: work in process is a mix of work in progress and processing something. I found that creative. It’s intentional :)

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#merlin tv #merlin bbc #bbc merlin #fanfiction #my writing #I'll try to post here too now #dragon island #chapter 1 #The calm before the storm #merthur #merlin #arthur #freya #edit later

[theonceandfutureking6481]

BBC's Merlin Season 1 Episode 2: Valiant Analysis

*Spoilers for the whole show!!!!*

I'm always nervous watching this episode, although it is very good it's never been one of my favourites, mainly because it stresses me out. I was also worried here that there wouldn't be that much to analyse in what often seems to me one of the many filler episodes in this series, however, watching with analysis in mind proved me wrong. So once again I must apologise for the lengthiness of this post, and hope that I manage to make it more articulate than it now appears in my notes!

Arthur's character

Something I noticed when watching this episode is how significantly this episode focuses on Arthur's character. Last episode we were introduced to a character who seemed like a bit of a bully but who clearly had hidden depths, this episode proved that. That is the fundamental message of this episode that Arthur is an incredibly decent and often noble person, despite his many faults.

This episode reveals the many differences between Arthur and Uthur, between their worldviews, and you see how Arthur is trapped between the two and there's not really that much he can do about it. Uther's love is in many ways conditional and this episode reveals that. As we get to know Arthur and Uther's relationship throughout the show I don't think anything could stop Uther from loving Arthur, but his expressing of that love and respect is very conditional and in the mind of Arthur that's really the same thing. Uther says to Arthur, "I trust you will make me proud" just before the tournament starts, and the subtext is very clear, Arthur has to win.

Throughout the show Arthur is constantly caught between Uther and what he wants to do, he wants Uther to be proud of him but he also disagrees with him on many things. This is a major feature of Arthur's character arc that doesn't really end until "The Death Song of Uther Pendragon" in season 5, when Arthur tells the ghost of his father point blank that its his turn to rule. It is a horrible situation Arthur is in, in order to maintain the love and respect of the one person who's opinion he cares most about Arthur has to sacrifice what he believes in, no child should ever be put in that position.

The conception of honour and courage that Arthur has grown up with is also revealed here, when Valiant says to Uther that "to lose is to be disgraced," and Uther agrees. Interestingly Arthur and Merlin are the only people who don't like Valiant, revealing perhaps how they differ to Uther and his kingdom in their worldviews, and what brings Merlin and Arthur together is their vision of the world. This is core to Uther's view of the world, he can't lose which means he can't be merciful, he can't accommodate, he'll never sacrifice his pride for his kingdom, and he'll never admit when he's wrong. The Great Purge started because Uther was unable to admit that he had made a mistake, that he had made the wrong choice, so he blamed an entire people for what was fundamentally his mistake. Arthur isn't like this, what is most loveable about Arthur, what makes the viewers realise truly what a good king he is, is his ability to admit his mistakes, he understands that losing isn't disgrace. I think the episode that best represents this is "His Father's Son" from season 4, in this episode Arthur says a line which fundamentally reveals what he believes about losing, "It is not victory I seek, it is peace." Arthur does not have to win, he just needs to be able to protect his kingdom and do his duty. He is not seeking victory (personal glory/pride) but peace (protection and safety for his people). This episode though, sets up Arthur caught between world views, caught in a conception of honour that he's not sure he agrees with. The moment within this episode that most reveals this is the final scene when Arthur tells Morgana that Uther will never apologise and then immediately goes and apologises to Merlin for firing him. Ignoring the fact that Uther just generally doesn't apologise, I'm certain the idea of apologising to a servant wouldn't even enter his mind, but Arthur does it because he made a mistake and he recognises that.

On a similar note the dichotomy between Arthur and Uther is also revealed in their respect for servants. Gaius and Uther both emphasise the fact that a servants word is worth less than a nobles, fundamental to this idea is a conception of nobility as somehow being worth more than servants, the idea that some people are worth more than others. Arthur, however, trusts Merlin, he trusts him because Arthur doesn't think that any one is is fundamentally worth less or less trustworthy. But he's trapped, when Merlin can't bring any proof aside from his word then there is nothing Arthur can do because the world is unfair and there is no argument he can make that would persuade Uther. That whole scene is very sad, he is entirely trapped, if he stands by Merlin he will lose the respect of his father and even the respect of the kingdom. There is nothing he can do, but he should be able to do something, and if Uther's kingdom was fairer he wouldn't be so powerless in this situation.

This episode is also when you see something very noble about Arthur, there is personal pride and desire for the respect of his father at the heart of his decision to fight but there is also the consideration that in order to be a good king he needs the respect of the kingdom, but also he can't sacrifice his principles for his safety, he is willing to die because if he makes the choice that means he lives he is failing his kingdom. He is always willing to do his duty, whatever the cost and there is something very noble about that, and it bodes well for his kingship.

Arthur: "I can't withdraw. The people expect their prince to fight. How can I lead men into battle if they think I'm a coward?"

Merlin: "If you fight, you die."

Arthur: "Then I die."

Merlin: "How can you go out there and fight like that."

Arthur: "Because I have to. It's my duty."

One of the best things about Merlin and Arthur is their willingness to die for the people they care about and the people of Camelot. I read and watch a lot of things with characters that risk their lives for others, but very often these characters don't seem to care if they live or die. They'd risk their lives for fun just as easily, or they risk their lives in the moment without having the chance really to think about what they're doing. Arthur and Merlin, really and truly don't want to die, and they are always making choices where death seems to be the only end, and they realise that and to some extent accept that, but they make them anyway because its the right thing to do, and its their duty.

Merlin and Arthur

Their relationship develops in this episode into almost a friendship. Merlin and Arthur chat casually in this episode, Merlin criticises Valiant in front of Arthur ( a noble mind you) and Arthur just smiles. They don't know each other that well yet, but there are definitely the beginnings of a friendship and a level of mutual respect. Arthur ruins every nice thing he says to Merlin by saying something very prattish immediately afterwards but hey that's what he's like and what their relationship as a whole is like (Merlin does it to), and it doesn't really change, but Arthur says them to begin with and that's important. Merlin also actually starts to like being Arthur's servant here, he's not saving Arthur because its his destiny but because he doesn't want him to die, because he likes him (not that much yet but they have just met).

Also one of the best lines ever about Merlin and Arthur is in this episode, when Kilgharrah says to Merlin that "the half cannot truly hate that which makes it whole." The eternal question with this show is what exactly that means, it's not just Arthur needs you to survive, to help him build Camelot, he needs Merlin to be himself, and Merlin needs Arthur to be himself. They need each other on a very fundamental level. My argument would be that they are at their best when they are with each other, they bring out the best parts of each other and they help each other to be better people. This plays to some extent into traditional Arthurian myth in which Merlin is Arthur's teacher, on a very fundamental level Merlin made the person Arthur became (he both helped Uther have a child by Igraine and then taught and raised that child). In this show though it is more mutual. Perhaps it is part of the wider message of the show regarding friendships and relationships, the idea that caring for others and helping each other is always the right decision to make, that you need people and friends to be happy and succeed in life. What makes Arthur good is that he is full of love for his friends and for his people, and his motivations (as are Merlin's, and Gwen's and any number of others) are always grounded in their love for others. The focus on relationships thus plays into the shows wider conversation about love and hate, and the differing worldviews of Arthur & Merlin and Uther & Morgana. Relationships are important, and fundamental to being a good person in this show, and the most important relationship in the show is Merlin and Arthur's.

Some thought's on destiny

This may be a funny place to put this, this episode doesn't really focus on destiny any more than any other episode (I mean episode 1 certainly focuses on it more), but if you haven't been able to tell already this is kind of just me writing down all the thoughts I had while watching, and I thought about this.

The idea of destiny is a key theme in Merlin, and its never 100% clear the relationship of destiny to the choices that people make. A slight ambiguity when dealing with destiny is, I think, always good, because it leaves it up to the audience to decide.

I do think the use of destiny here is playing into it being a traditional feature of many versions of Arthurian legend, the idea of destiny, fate and (perhaps especially) the will of God in determining the future was very present in the middle ages (when Arthurian legend took shape) so naturally it is present in many versions of the story. Arthur's eventual demise in almost all versions of the story is attributed to a predetermined fate, but it is also fundamentally a result of his own choices.

La Morte D'Arthur by Thomas Malory is the source of most central tenets of the legend as we see them today (quick note I haven't actually read it, I just vaguely know the plot from versions of the story that drew heavily from it- TH White's The Once and Future King series for one). Arthur's death is attributed to some extent to divine punishment for his ethical transgressions. In most versions of this story it is having a child by his sister, he doesn't know that she's his sister until later, but he is nonetheless held responsible and the child that is born is Mordred. Mordred who we all know is destined to kill Arthur. This is predetermined but its source is in Arthur's own actions, and later in the story Arthur is offered an alternative fate it all comes down to his own choices, and in the end, although initially trying to make peace, he chooses to fight Mordred (I am oversimplifying this but this is the gist) and he dies.

This is a quote from the article in which I got a lot of this information

"Arthur's dream has been read as disclosing to him the fate that Fortune has ordained for him; but it does not have to be read in this way. Rather, Fortune might be seen as dispensing to Arthur the punishment that, according to Merlin much earlier in the Morte, God has decreed is to be inflicted on Arthur because of the transgression that he has committed. Fortune, in other words, might be thought to be delivering to Arthur the fate that his own actions have determined, not a fate that she has determined herself."- Marilyn Corrie

I'm getting a lot of this analysis from an article by Marilyn Corrie (See bibliography), as having not read La Morte D'Arthur, I was interested in how fate and destiny was dealt with in the primary source for most Arthurian writers. It is important to note that many read La Morte as Arthur's fate being entirely predetermined with no weight given to Arthur's actions in determining it. This is an issue that depends on the critic and the view they take.

But how this relates to Merlin is a different question. The emphasis on God's punishment and mercy does not exist in Merlin at all, fate and destiny within this show do not include the idea of divine retribution (excepting perhaps the episode about the Disir- who offer the chance to change his fate). However, the point about the fate being determined by choices still exists, this is honestly more a conversation for analysing season 5, but Merlin and Arthur's choices as surely bring about his fate as they try to avoid it. They're treatment of Mordred (although Arthur treats him well- but all the stuff with Kara was in many ways a mistake- albeit understandable)) brings about his betrayal, it was still Mordred's choice and they should not be held entirely accountable for it but nonetheless their choices (and Mordred's) bring about what happens. Arthur's fate may be inevitable, but its not predetermined, it is determined by the choices he makes, but the problem is that every single choice the characters make that lead to the ending are entirely in character and that's what makes the end inevitable, it is possible but unlikely they would've acted differently. Its like a self fulfilling prophecy.

Another feature of destiny is the audiences own position in all versions of Arthurian legend. Fundamentally we are all assumed to know the story. The King Arthur story is a huge part of the cultural memory of the UK, France and Europe generally and hence any country in the world significantly influenced by them (a huge number due to their empires) or heavily populated by emigrants from there has it as part of its cultural memory as well. We know how the story ends, we know that Arthur is destined to be the greatest king because for us it has already happened, we've already heard the story. Destiny, then, is not just the determinism of these characters lives by an outside force but a reflection of their position in relation to audience, as a story that has already been told, a story that everyone knows the ending. It is destined because it has already happened, we just want to see the choices and decisions that led to that point, how everything comes about. Another quote from Marilyn Corrie:

"But it is important, I think, not to confuse the predetermined trajectory of the story that Malory is relating in his work with the stance that the text takes on the causes of the events that bring that story to a close. Given that the destruction of Arthur and his knights was an essential coordinate of the Arthurian legend, its presence in Malory's work was indeed predetermined."

If I manage to keep up this analysis up to season 5 I will certainly touch more on this,

Interesting/fun stuff

Morgana has her first nightmare in this episode (which aside from being exciting on a narrative level) means she (like Merlin and Arthur) realises that he is going to die. The cinematography of her walking to the window and seeing Arthur practice with a sword outside and then switch to a shot of Merlin desperately trying to turn the statue into a dog is beautiful- it is so tragic, these 3 people who know Arthur is going to die but can do absolutely nothing about it

This episode actually builds up the tragedy of Arthur's seemingly inevitable death here very well, the music that plays in the lead up to the bout is mournful and seems like an omen of death

Also Morgana helping Arthur with his armour is very tragic, and you see that despite how much they argue they really do love each other (typical siblings)

When Merlin asks Gwen why people keep thinking its his job to solve it and she says "because it is, isn't it?" Maybe its not actually Merlin's job but he has a duty to try because he's the only one who knows about the danger and although Gwen doesn't realise it he's the only one with the power to stop it

This plays overall into Merlin's questions about destiny, and it is in some ways a realisation of why he's the one who has to fulfill it, because he's the only one who can and the world will be better for it

The montage of Merlin dressing Arthur (2nd time) is hilarious, it's just like the show going 'look! Merlin has achieved a career milestone he has learnt how to dress Arthur in his armour!'

Bibliography:

Corrie, M. "God may well fordo desteny": Dealing with Fate, Destiny, and Fortune in Sir Thomas Malory's Le Morte Darthur and Other Late Medieval Writing," Studies in Philology 110 (2013): 690-713. Accessed on July 12, 2021. https://www.jstor.org/stable/24392057?seq=19#metadata_info_tab_contents

#merlin bbc #the adventures of merlin #merlin #arthur pendragon #arthur #merlin emrys #emrys #King Arthur #Arthurian legend #Fate #Destiny #Friendship #merlin analysis #Arthur's character #analysis #merlin goodness #nobility #arthurian retelling #arthurian

[panharmonium]

I would like to add Gwaine to the list of friends Merlin had. Especially in the 3/4 seasons he really was ride or die for Merlin, they shared intimate details with each other, they truly trusted each other. There were instances where the show alluded that Gwaine knows about Merlin's magic and is fine with it.

hi there!  i’m assuming this is in response to the post i reblogged about will and lancelot being merlin’s only “real” friends?  

i’m actually happy to write about this, now that the question has been posed - it’s been a while since i wrote anything long about gwaine!

fair warning in advance: i don’t personally classify gwaine the same way i do will and lancelot, and that’s what this piece will cover in more detail, but these are just my own thoughts, and it is totally cool for everybody else to have different opinions.  my take is my take, but it does not have to be everyone’s take - if people wanna scroll past because this isn’t their vibe, i don’t mind in the slightest. :)

so, without further ado - i LOVE gwaine, and i have written extensively about how amazing his relationship with merlin is (some examples here, here, here, and here, if anybody’s looking).  he is the most likely of all merlin’s living friends to ditch arthur in the name of addressing merlin’s needs, which is super important, and he also has a much healthier friendship with merlin than arthur does (in my own personal opinion, of course, which nobody is obligated to share).  he definitely does go ride or die for merlin in S3/S4, i agree.

but my own thoughts on this particular point are still the same as they were in that original post.  i tend to hide my clarifications/explanations in the tags, so they might have flown by, but i’ll just copy/paste the relevant bit here for ease of access, as some background for the rest of this post.

re: will and lancelot were merlin’s only ‘real’ friends:

#what this does not mean: merlin has no other friends!  merlin doesn't have meaningful and important relationships with other people!   #what it does mean:  #every single one of merlin's other relationships is undergirded by the sickening knowledge that those friendships are conditional   #every single one of his other relationships is accompanied by the constant undercurrent of 'they would hate me if they knew'   #merlin knows his friends 'care' about him   #except they don't really; because it's not truly him they're caring about   #they care deeply - about someone merlin made up   #about a facade.   #in the most basic sense   #those relationships aren't Real   #the love merlin feels for the people in them is real   #but you cannot truly be 'friends' with somebody who doesn't even know who you are   #you cannot be loved without being known   #you certainly cannot be loved without being safe

obviously i suppose a person’s thoughts on this would be different if they headcanoned that gwaine knew about merlin’s magic, and that’s fine.  i personally do not believe canon indicates or supports that, but i’m not out to convince people to abandon their own fanon interpretations of things; i’m happy just hanging out in my own space talking about my thoughts.  me writing meta is the virtual equivalent of me talking to myself in my room - if other people have different conversations with themselves, that’s fine :)  i don’t mind if other folks organize their thoughts about things differently.  

in accordance with that - everybody please feel free to continue on with your own interpretations, and ignore mine if mine do not appeal to you!  if people are interested about how i organize my ideas on this, though, they are essentially as follows:

1) a cage fighter, a class traitor, and a fake sorcerer walk into a tavern

ok, to start with - here’s a graph.

(...who tf starts a meta post with ‘here’s a graph’ lol i just drew a venn diagram for the first time since like...middle school...i LOVE fandom, man, this is RIDICULOUS)

anyway

this is a very rough interpretation of how i think about gwaine, lancelot, and will:

to address some of these elements individually:

lancelot and will give merlin something that gwaine can’t - safety, authenticity, the comfort of being known and seen for real, a respite from constantly qualifying every friendship with ‘they would hate me if they knew’

lancelot and gwaine, likewise, give merlin something merlin wouldn’t be as likely to get from will (if will were still alive, i mean) - an understanding of merlin’s devotion to the Crown, a supportive ally in the fight to promote arthur’s reign and keep arthur/camelot safe

will and gwaine, for their part, are more likely to tell arthur to go fuck himself, if it’s important for helping merlin, and that’s a different kind of support that merlin also really needs.

and will, on his own, gives merlin something that neither lancelot NOR gwaine can provide, which is a friend who isn’t connected to or even particularly interested in arthur pendragon (merlin has nobody in his life like this, not after will dies) - somebody who knew and cared about merlin before merlin had any proximity to arthur, before this whole ’destiny’ issue reared its merciless head.

everybody in merlin’s life matters to him and gives him something important.  gwaine is STUPIDLY important to merlin.  the love there is real.  but in canon, because gwaine is not in the know, gwaine is still one of the people from whom merlin feels compelled to hide himself.  gwaine is right up there alongside gwen, arthur, elyan, percival, etc - every other person who merlin loves, who merlin nonetheless constantly, back-of-his-mind fears, ‘they would reject me if they knew.’

the above is part of why i personally have never been too interested in ‘so-and-so knows about merlin’s magic’ canon-imaginings.  there’s absolutely nothing wrong with them, and i’m sure people must have tons of fun with them - and in an AU context maybe i would have fun with them too - but as hopeful interpretations of actual canon, they don’t appeal to me.  merlin’s near-total isolation and desperate, constantly-frustrated desire for real, honest love is an inalienable aspect of his character for me, one i can’t separate from who he is and why he does the things he does and why he eventually ends up in the place where we find him towards the end of the show.  

2) i just want someone to see me for who i am

i have seen a bit of sentiment out there along the lines of ‘merlin should have told (x person) about their magic’ or ‘(x person) obviously doesn’t have a problem with sorcerers,’ but i guess i personally don’t think it’s as clear as all that, and i think me saying it is would be doing merlin a disservice.

merlin’s desire to be seen/known/accepted is literally the most base urge he has.  if he truly thought he could tell somebody safely, he would.

i think merlin knows the people in his orbit well enough to know how they feel about sorcery, at least in a general sense.  and even if they aren’t bloodthirsty bigots like uther, they aren’t exactly welcoming magic with open arms, either.  at the most basic, elementary level, merlin understands something that we don’t like to think about: none of his friends ever challenge arthur on the sorcery ban or express any dissatisfaction with the political status quo, and, even absent outright bigotry, this fact speaks loudly enough in and of itself.  merlin’s friends might not be out clamoring for sorcerers’ blood, but they aren’t criticizing a society that criminalizes sorcery, either, and they are never shown to have a problem with the way things are, even though the way things are is wrong.

The Way Things Are is, in fact, unjust.  it’s oppressive.  and allowing that state of affairs to continue, unquestioned and unchallenged, when you have access to the king’s ear and aren’t personally in danger of being persecuted, indicates that you’re okay with the injustice.  that you’re comfortable with the oppression.  that you don’t see a problem with the status quo, and that you're unbothered enough by it to let it be.

it doesn’t matter that merlin’s friends have never straight-up said ‘boy, magic sure is evil’ onscreen.  they never say that camelot’s policies are wrong, and that delivers a clear enough message on its own.

3) it is not a crime to fight for your freedom

to bring this back to gwaine specifically, since that was originally the focus of this ask -

for me, for all that i adore gwaine, and for all that i think he was, for the most part, an INCREDIBLY sound, healthy relationship for merlin, the truth is that gwaine is as much a part of this problem as everyone else.  does that mean i personally think gwaine would have summarily dumped merlin if he’d found out merlin had magic?  no.  but i don’t think it’s as uncomplicated as maybe we wish it might be, and i think merlin has every right to be as uncertain of gwaine on this issue as he does of everyone else.

for one thing, like i said before, even gwaine, who used to have fewer qualms than any of the knights about pushing back on arthur’s BS, has never said a word about camelot’s injustices, or ever acknowledged that the laws of the land are unjust to begin with.  

for another, there are specific moments that kind of make you wonder.

5.05 (’the disir’) is a good example of this - when gwaine finds osgar in the woods, the two of them have this exchange:

you are a sorcerer, a heretic, and a murderer.  

the rhetoric of this sentence frames all three of these things as equivalent entities - criminal ones.  

to pick this apart more carefully:

a) sorcerer

it’s worth noting here that we’re never told osgar has done anything worse than evading arrest for the crime of being a known sorcerer.  when leon mentions him in the council meeting, the conversation consists solely of the following:

“as you know, a few days ago our garrison in the forest of breckfire intercepted the man who goes by the name of osgar.”

“the sorcerer.”

“the same.  they were trying to apprehend him when he used his powers to escape.”

and…that’s it.  osgar’s crime, as far as we know, was simply being a sorcerer (and then, after that, attempting to escape an unjust arrest, thereby killing a knight in the process).  there’s no mention of any other activities that would have warranted his arrest in the first place, other than the possession of magic.

but magic, even on its own, IS a crime in camelot - and gwaine levels the accusation at osgar as such.

b) heretic

that’s a hell of a word to throw around, if you think sorcery is chill.

“heretic” isn’t a mild accusation.  "heretic” has vitriolic severity behind it.  people are accused of heresy when they’re perceived to be in brazen defiance of what is (in the eyes of the accuser) unquestionably right and correct.  “heretic” is like…it’s like blasphemer.  the connotation is not just that something is bad, but that it’s sinful.

for gwaine, either osgar’s association with sorcery and/or his defiance of camelot’s army makes him a heretic.  and that’s not something a person who is down with sorcery or supportive of a magic-user’s struggle for freedom would say.

c) murderer

if gwaine were cool with sorcery, we would expect him to understand that a sorcerer who resisted arrest for the crime of being a sorcerer isn’t a murderer.  

it’s like kara said in 5.11 - it is not a crime to fight for the right to be who you are.

camelot has been killing sorcerers for decades.  osgar mortally wounded a soldier (not an innocent civilian, i might note) who was trying to imprison him.  he was resisting the armed forces of an oppressive state.  that’s not murder.

somebody who understands that camelot is an oppressive regime wouldn’t think of this as murder.  they would understand that it is not a crime to protect your own life when the state has literally been trying to exterminate your people for years.  and even if osgar had been engaged in rebellious activities against the state (which as far as we know is not the case - nothing like this is ever referenced!), they would understand that people with magic have long been overdue for a righteous uprising.  

but gwaine is a little more like arthur, in this moment - he sees the “wrong” that osgar has done (in the form of sir ranulf’s death) without seeing the thousands upon thousands of wrongs that camelot visited upon the magical community first.

4) you can’t go armed into a sacred place

the rest of this episode is similar.  gwaine pays just as little heed to merlin’s warnings as the rest of the knights, when merlin admonishes them that the disir’s cave is sacred.  gwaine doesn’t relinquish his sword or take special care upon entering the cave.  in fact, he is the one who outright interrupts the disir while they’re speaking - as they’re telling arthur a series of hard truths, that he’s persecuted magic-users, “even unto slaughter;” that he’s desecrated their space: “you come here, to the most sacred of the sacred, to the very heart of the Old Religion, with weapons drawn - trampling hallowed relics - treating our sacred space like you do your kingdom - with arrogance - with conceit - with insolence - ”

and gwaine cuts them off, pushing to the front of the group and shouting at them “enough!  you speak of the king!”  and that’s when the fight starts, when mordred gets stabbed.

someone who was fully accepting of magic, or who knew anything about it at all, would not have behaved this way.  they would not have bristled at hearing how arthur’s regime unfairly persecutes the magical community.  they would have known that it was true.

5) i just want to be myself

the above is just one example, but it’s a clear enough one to illustrate what i mean.  gwaine IS an amazing friend to merlin.  he does treat merlin well.  and merlin loves him to death.  but gwaine is NOT totally chill with magic.  i’m not saying he actively hates it, but he is not, from what merlin has witnessed, entirely safe.  merlin loves him, but he can’t be himself around him.

and i do think that pains merlin terribly.  all these people who he loves so much, and every time he’s with them there’s always that whisper: ‘this is a charade.  all the love in my life is a lie.  they only like me because they don’t know me.  if they knew who i really was, this would be over.’  

and we wonder why he never tells anyone.  we tell him he ‘should’ have told gwaine, gwen, morgana, arthur, like it would have been easy, or even possible, for him to ever consider putting himself in a position where he could lose what precarious, partially make-believe connections he has.

merlin, in the later seasons, when he worries about his magic being exposed, isn’t afraid of being executed.  he’s afraid of becoming even more alone than he is now.  and he has good reason to feel that way - even people who appear to put him first aren’t fully on board with the thing that makes him who he is.  and merlin knows this.  he’s seen it.  none of his friends are out fighting for people like him at court.  some of his friends shake their heads and assure arthur “you are a good and just king” when arthur expresses concern that maybe the disir are right, maybe he has indeed transgressed.  some of merlin’s friends used to buck the system in defense of the powerless, but now they defend the regime even when the accusations levelled against it by an oppressed population are true.

merlin knows that revealing himself is a kind of risk that could very plausibly end with him utterly disowned.  every single friendship he has is subject to this justified fear, this bitter knowledge.  merlin has every reason to doubt the soundness of his relationships.

and, circling back to the thing that started all these musings - the only friends who never made him feel that way were will and lancelot.

that’s all i mean when i say that will and lancelot were merlin’s only “real” friends.  i wish there were a better word to use than that, because i really don’t mean it like…as if merlin’s relationships with other people weren’t…valid, or important, or based on true love and care.  they were.  but there’s just not a better way to express that will and lancelot were the only people who ever even knew who they were friends with, who saw merlin for exactly who he was and said “i love you still.”  they were the only ones whose friendship was something merlin didn’t have to be afraid of losing solely for existing.

i always think of morgana’s line in 2.11 - ‘i don’t want to be brave.  i just want to be myself. i don’t want to be alone anymore.’

around everyone else, merlin has to be brave.  he has to keep up the pretense, which means even when he’s surrounded by friends, he’s completely isolated.

with will and lancelot, though, he could be himself.  with will and lancelot, he wasn’t alone.

6) post-script

i really appreciate being given the opportunity to muse to myself about this in more detail - i actually needed to think through some things regarding gwaine anyway, for writing purposes, and this was actually really helpful in organizing my brain.  so thanks, anon, for the prompt!  

i know my answer probably runs counter to your own interpretation of things, but as i said, this is just my own personal outlook.  i typed it up because the message got me thinking, and because i know i have a couple of friends who might find it interesting, but my thoughts apply only to me, and i do not mind at all if folks think about these things differently!  nobody is obligated to agree with anything i write, or give it any further thought, or even read it at all - we’re all going to engage with this story in different ways, so if anybody finds that this isn’t their cup of tea, please feel free to scroll on by, and keep having fun with this show in whatever way makes you happiest! :)

#tumblr is doing something weird and not letting me use read-more's in posts that are replies to an ask #i was able to screenshot the last ask i replied to and just turn the whole thing into a text post with a read-more #because i knew the sender would see it anyway #but i'm not sure an anon will see this without getting the notification #sorry this is a #long post #i will play with it more and see if i can get the cut to actually show up #=/ #the once and future slowburn #you're the only friend i've got #meta #replies #the bravest and most noble of them all #no kings no masters

[gringolet]

hi why do you ship gawain with lancelot? not trying to start shit im just curious

God so this is a true fact but I’ve been thinking about them since sophomore year of high school (i'm a college sophomore now) so this is going to be lengthy and involved. But i think Lancelot and Gawain have a really interesting dynamic as well as a lot of support in text which i think makes them compelling.

    In a lot of ways they are equals in a way neither of them is with anyone else-- they are, in the vulgate at least, the two best knights in the world, the two arthur trusts most and who are famous even among other good knights. Its almost isolating, that level of renown, and you see that Lancelot in particular is uncomfortable with it, though they both at times have stories of trying to escape their own names. Of course they would understand each other in a way no one else could.

    Despite the fact that Lancelot quite literally steals his place as number one, gawain is never resentful of this, never upset to lose to lancelot. In fact he seems very happy to sing his praises to anyone he meets, like in Lancelot and the Hart with the White Foot, where he says of lancelot that “He is the best knight alive in the entire world, and moreover the most handsome.”

    In the stanzaic morte, he tells elaine of shallot that 

“Such a leman as thou hast one,

 In all this world ne be no mo.

There is no lady of flesh ne bone

In this worlde so thrive or thro,

Though her herte were steel or stone,

That might her love holde him fro.”

Or, translated,

Such a love as you have, 

there’s no better in the world.

There is no lady of flesh or bone,

In this world so lucky or stubborn

Though her heart were steel or stone,

She could stop it  from loving him.’

In the vulgate hes constantly running after lancelot, happy to play sidekick as long as it means lancelot's company. He pretty infamously says this about lancelot:

Then Sir Gawain thought a little, like a man who believed he would never be well again. “If God were to grant me my health,” he said, “I’d immediately wish to be the most beautiful maiden in the world, happy and healthy, on condition that he would love me above all others, all his life and mine.”

I think this is really interesting because its not a devotion gawain shows to anyone else outside of his family. Hes oddly protective of lancelot, considering he can very well fend for himself usually. In the dutch hart, he literally tracks down and kills a man who hurt lancelot, before tying his body to his horse and dragging it around like achilles. He also rescues and heals him in morien, gets the whole court in a tizzy looking for him after a battle with galehaut where he spends a year searching, drags lancelots poor cousins all over looking for him after a tournament, freaks out when he goes missing in the hart (: “He lamented more grievously than anyone ever will, or had ever done before, because he thought he had lost Lancelot, the daring knight.”) like jesus gawain calm down.

He explicitly forsakes his devotion and duty to the country in favour of lancelot; in morien, hes called to take his place as king because arthur is gone, and he refuses in favour of, you guessed it, running after lancelot.  In chretien it is said that 

“Now I will tell you the truth, and you must not think I lie, that Gawain would not wish to be chosen king, unless he had Lancelot with him. “

And he lies to arthurs face multiple times in the vulgate and morte to hide lancelot's various crimes.

Speaking of crimes, theyre both uh, well. Literal serial killers. And you know its good to have hobbies in common in a relationship. No but seriously they represent a lot of the darker parts of knighthood. From lancelots bit with the proud knight in kotc to gawains… what can be only described as massacres in the dutch texts. They both have very odd relationships with death, with gawain so familiar with it by being surrounded by violence from a young age that it no longer affects him, while lancelot is almost the opposite-- its very distant to him. 

I think thats another reason i like them; theyre similar in a lot of ways but in just as many they are opposites. Gawains whole deal is being charming, manipulative, educated and good with words. Lancelot is in contrast, especially in chretien and the vulgate, at his most inept in social situations. You note that in the hart, its gawain that has to talk him out of the marriage he accidentally agreed to (“ But he does not at this time wish to marry you-- you must understand...”) etc.  while gawain is centered at court in a web of political alliances, lancelot is a fair unknown, who can and does disappear for years and generally avoid court when he can. I think they work well as a team because of this.

Lancelot certainly think so, at least in the morien: Quoth Sir Lancelot: "By the Lord who made me, and who shall be Doom's-man at the last day, come what may thereof, since Sir Gawain rideth hence 'tis not I will bide behind!”

He isnt as quotable outside of one specific scene ill get to later, and most of what he does say is in aside to himself, like the lengthy speech he gives in knight of the cart while debating to himself why gawain has failed to rescue him, and if this means gawain doesn’t love him (“He ought indeed to receive your aid whom you used to love so devotedly! For my part I may truly say that there is no lodging place or retreat on either side of the sea, where I would not have searched for you at least seven or ten years before finding you, if I knew you to be in prison. But why do I thus torment myself? You do not care for me even enough to take this trouble.”) trust me it goes on like this for quite a while. 

On a side note, i think its a bit reminiscent of a scene from the vulgate where gawain thinks that lancelot is in  love with elaine of shallot--

 “That night he thought a lot about Lancelot and said to himself that he would not have thought that Lancelot would have aspired to leave his heart in any place that was not nobler and more honourable than all others. ‘And yet,’ he said, ‘I cannot really blame him if he loves this girl… (he goes on in debate with himself)...

    That night Sir Gawain slept very little, because he was thinking of the girl and Lancelot,”

the morte specifically calls gawain the man lancelot loves most in the world, according to a prophecy of merlins. Then, the kicker: he kills gawains brothers on accident, gawain swears to kill him in revenge, and lancelot…. Refuses to kill gawain, or even to renounce love for him. When asked about the fight, he says:

 “I do not know what the outcome will be, but I do know that if I were the winner and ought to cut off his head, I should not be able to kill him for all the world, because I think he is too noble. Moreover, he is the man, out of all those in the world that have meant anything to me, that I have most loved, and still do,”

Gawain forgives him on his deathbed and writes a letter, the entirety of which i implore you to read. He begs lancelot’s forgiveness and for him to return from france and see gawains tomb, “for all the love that was betwixt us”

I think you could interpret this as a very passionate friendship, certainly, but i am gay and so i think they are too. Not only because of the texts but because of the fact that their dynamic is fun and interesting and they work well together.

Oh, and if anyone was wondering why i call them remarkable, here is another quote from the vulgate, following the first fight with gawain:

‘It is certainly remarkable of you,’ said King Bors, ‘to love him so deeply when he hates you mortally.’

‘Find it remarkable if you wish,’ replied Lancelot, ‘but he will never be able to hate me so much that I stop loving him.’

#arthuriana #gawain #lancelot #remarkable #long post #sorry i went insane on this ask #i just think.i just. i just. #Anonymous

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

Collapse

Prompt: For you, a little Merlin prompt to think about if you like it! Arthur is usually the big strong one of the 2, but when he collapses one day they find out it’s because of a heart defect he was born with and that if he continues at his current pace, it will kill him. I’d like to see how Arthur would deal with having to rest more often, stay in bed longer, etc. and obviously Merlin would be so doting uwu

Thanks for the prompt, babe!

Read on Ao3 Part 2: Rise

Pairings: Merthur can be platonic or romantic you decide

Warnings: none

Word Count: 2941

The first time Arthur collapses in the middle of the training ground Merlin’s heart leaps into his throat. He barely hears the roar of the other knights over the rush of blood in his ears as he scans the field, looking for something, anything, and rushing to Arthur’s side.

“Sire,” Leon is already calling, “sire, can you hear me?”

 “Get Gaius,” Lancelot calls over his shoulder before rolling Arthur onto his back, “Arthur, Arthur, you need to breathe, can you—“

 “Merlin?” Leon pulls Merlin down by the sleeve of his tunic, even as Merlin falls to his knees. “Merlin, what’s—“

 “…lin,” Arthur mumbles, “Mer…lin…”

 Gwaine makes some comment, he’s sure, but Merlin can’t hear anything other than his king. “I’m right here, Arthur, what’s—what happened, are you alright?”

 Arthur blinks slowly, squinting a little in the harsh light. “…’course ‘m alright, Merlin, just…jus’ need to get up.”

 “You’re slurring your words a little, sire,” Leon says softly, “we need to get you to Gaius.”

 “Gaius…yes, Gaius, where is—“

 “I sent one of the others after him,” Lancelot says, helping Merlin heave Arthur into an upright position, “he’ll be here soon.”

 “We should get you in the shade,” Merlin says, noticing the way Arthur won’t stop squinting, “make the sun go away.”

 “You want to just…wave your hand and vanish the sun?” Arthur’s head turns to smile drowsily at Merlin.

 “Would if I could.”

 “Can’t you?”

 Merlin rolls his eyes. “Shh, you prat.”

 “Between the two of you,” Lancelot mutters, “it’s a wonder you managed to keep it secret.”

 He doesn’t even flinch at the weak punch Arthur gives his shoulder.

 Percival comes over and helps, heaving Arthur to his feet and walking towards the shade, doing a marvelous job of making Arthur look like he’s the one doing the leading. Leon barks at the others to clean up, they’re finished for today, and Elyan sees them off. He hurries over as soon as they’re gone, pulling his glove off to feel Arthur’s forehead.

 “You’re warm,” he mutters, “but you have been working awfully hard in the bright sun. Gaius will know more.”

 “Where is he,” Gwaine growls, his eyes scanning the field, “he normally doesn’t take this long.”

 “He’ll come,” Merlin says, his eyes still fixed on Arthur’s pale face, “he’ll come.”

 “It’s fine,” Arthur protests despite the fact he hasn’t been able to move on his own, “just need a moment and I’ll be right back up.”

 “You collapsed, Arthur.”

 “And?”

 “How much water have you drunk today?”

 “Enough!”

 “Well, clearly—“

 “You don’t even know that’s why it happened, Merlin.”

 “What about food?”

 “What are you, my mother?”

 “Well, someone has to make sure you look after yourself.”

 The knights politely look the other way. Well, no. Leon turns to admire the tree leaves. “Still can’t believe they came in this early.”

 “I expected the blooms to be gone by now,” Lancelot agrees.

 The others just appreciate the show, at least until Gaius comes across the field.

 “About time,” Merlin murmurs when Arthur finally looks like he’s going to start taking this seriously.

 “What happened?”

 “He collapsed,” Merlin says before Arthur can say anything, “in the middle of the field. I didn’t see anything.”

 Gaius accepts Merlin’s information with a careful nod. He leans forward and starts looking over Arthur. Arthur puts up with the examination with the patience of a child who’s been promised a treat if they sit still.

 Merlin watches anxiously, for any sign of magic, of poison, of anything that would explain why a man in his prime would collapse. Out of nowhere. He sees nothing. Gaius pulls away and nods to Percival.

 “Come on, sire,” the knight says, helping Arthur to his feet, “let’s go.”

 They retreat to Gaius’s rooms, only for Gaius to instruct all the knights to leave. Arthur protests first, to everyone’s surprise.

 “They’re my knights,” Arthur defends, “if there is something wrong with me, they should know about it. That is their duty to Camelot and my duty to them.”

 “…we can inform them of it at a later time,” Gaius says, fixing Arthur with a look, “this matter is of a…delicate situation.”

 “I don’t care.”

Merlin glances back and forth between the two of them, unsure who to side with. Arthur, whose sense of duty keeps their circle close and whose trust in his men is enough to make Merlin’s head spin. Or Gaius, whose devotion to his patients and their privacy can overrule everyone in Camelot to keep them safe.

 “A compromise,” Lancelot says, breaking the silence, “we will stand on the other side of the room, and then the king may decide whether or not he wishes to inform us.”

 The knights follow Lancelot as Merlin makes to go with them. A hand snags his sleeve and he turns. Arthur isn’t even looking at him and yet the strength of his grip and the way his hand trembles is enough to freeze Merlin in his tracks.

 As soon as Gaius begins to explain, Merlin clutches Arthur’s arm just as hard.

 “…what do you mean it’ll kill me?”

 Gaius bows his head. “There is not a well-known name for this type of condition, sire, not this specific one.”

 “There’s something wrong with my heart?”

 Arthur’s voice cracks on the last word.

 “I am afraid so, sire,” Gaius says quietly. “Something you were born with. Worsened due to lack of acknowledgment and getting to be unavoidable.”

 “So—“ Arthur swallows heavily—“so what do I do? How do I get better?”

 “This…this is not something you cure, sire,” Gaius explains, “this is something you must live with.”

 “You’re the greatest physician in all of Camelot,” Arthur says, his voice growing steadier, “you—you of all people could find a way to fix this.”

 “This is beyond even my capabilities.”

 “But you—you—“ Arthur’s gaze lands on Merlin and Merlin winces. “You.”

 “No, Arthur,” Merlin says, even as it tears at his throat to say so, “I—I can’t. I don’t—there isn’t—I can’t.”

 “Magic made me,” Arthur whispers, “magic—magic can fix this.”

 Merlin shakes his head. “I can’t. I don’t know how. And I—I don’t think we can.”

 Arthur looks back and forth between the two of them.

 Arthur has always been full of fire. Burning, smoldering, fierce, and passionate. When he fought, it blazed high, ready to light the way or burn down his opponent. When he spoke, it sparked, little flicks of light jumping high into the air, pulling everyone into the blaze. Even when he woke, the fire hums, making him warm in a way that pulls Merlin closer, holds him firmly.

 Merlin stares at Arthur and watches the fire go out.

 The hand on his arm leaves. Arthur stares down at it like he doesn’t recognize it. It trembles. He closes it into a fist.

 The trembling doesn’t go away until he takes a deep breath.

 “What do I do,” he asks lowly, “to stay alive?”

 Gaius breathes out and it’s only then that Merlin realizes he’s been holding his breath too.

 “We adapt.”

 It isn’t easy.

 It isn’t easy waking Arthur up later, making sure he goes to bed earlier and eats properly-spaced meals throughout the day. Every time Arthur looks like he’s being held in a cage, glancing out the window with a wistfulness that makes Merlin’s soul ache. He piles Arthur’s plates high with his favorite foods, distracts him with inane arguments, and servant gossip. When Arthur’s slower to wake in the morning, he sits on the side of Arthur’s bed and strokes his head, letting Arthur nuzzle sleepily into his leg and hum.

“Come on,” he coaxes lightly, “let’s get you something to eat, hmm?”

 “Fuzzy,” Arthur mumbles, “my head feels fuzzy.”

 “Gaius said that was going to happen,” Merlin reminds, scratching his fingers lightly along Arthur’s scalp, “and it happened yesterday, remember? It went away as soon as you started breakfast.”

 Arthur’s eyes close and he tucks his head more firmly against Merlin. His eyes squeeze shut tightly and Merlin can’t help the soft noise that escapes his throat.

 “Tired…”

 “I know you have to get up,” Merlin murmurs, “but it’s okay…you can take your time, no one’s going to come in here and tell you you have to go somewhere.”

 Arthur’s head lolls to the side, looking up at him. “Your job, isn’t it?”

“Exactly. No one’s getting in here on my watch.”

 “My Merlin…” Arthur hums lazily. “Mine…”

 “Yours, you prat.”

 Arthur does eventually rise and Merlin makes sure he eats. He sits him down at the desk and starts his chores, returning to see Arthur still staring out the window a few hours later.

 “Training tomorrow,” he reminds cheerfully, “that’ll be nice.”

 “Mm.”

 It isn’t easy when Arthur’s not allowed to train with all of his knights. If Merlin thought spending the day with Arthur after he learned that the others go easy on him because he’s the prince was hard, this is…well.

 Arthur grunts, swinging the practice staff at Leon who blocks it easily, pivoting and standing just out of the way. Arthur lunges after him and again, Leon twirls just out of range. Merlin watches as Leon’s brow furrows and his hands flex on the grip of the staff. They lock eyes for just a moment.

 Leon, despite being one of the most loyal, longest-serving knights Camelot has ever known, is not one to take it easy on anyone, not without good cause. Merlin can count on one hand how many times he’s seen the knight do so. First was with Arthur when the prat was even more fat-headed. Second was when Merlin was forced to spar with them after he’d just recovered from a very nasty concussion. Third is now. Right now.

 He can see the frustration in Arthur’s posture and the way he deliberately leaves himself open for an attack. Leon doesn’t take it. Arthur stops, panting hard, and says he’s done for the day. Leon accepts it with a gracious nod and Arthur walks back over to Merlin as Elyan takes his place.

 Merlin hands Arthur a waterski without a word and stands there while Arthur tries to get his breath back. He places a hand on Merlin’s shoulder and Merlin freezes, waiting until Arthur eases himself down to the steps. They sit and watch the rest of the training.

 “We should do shield work next,” Arthur murmurs, “even though we don’t usually carry them.”

 Merlin nods.

“Gwaine needs to make sure he doesn’t overstep his left.”

 Merlin nods. “Lancelot’s been improving, he’s smoother now.”

 Merlin nods.

 “…we should go back inside.”

 Merlin helps his king up and they go back inside.

 It isn’t easy when Gwen and Morgana come into Arthur’s chambers and they talk. For hours. Gwen and Merlin go and do their chores, whispering back and forth about whatever idle thing they’re talking about now, knowing that there are two siblings in a room that cannot really ever leave it.

 He’s felt it once, only once, when he walked back into the room after leaving them to talk to see Morgana standing with her back to Arthur, looking out the window, and Arthur still at the table, his fist trembling. Morgana had turned and swept past him with her cool gaze masked firmly in place. Arthur had pointedly ignored Merlin’s look and gotten back to writing something at his desk. Merlin had stood there, helpless in the cold room.

 That was the only time, though. After that, he knew they took pains to make sure they parted on better notes. Perhaps one of them noticed the way Merlin’s hands twitched or how Gwen worried at the hem of her apron. They’d caught up with each other after that night, huddled in the darkness of one of the great halls that no one would look in, their arms curled around each other as they whispered about the Pendragons, freed from Uther yet still held by his legacy.

 Merlin looks at Morgana when she takes him by the arm and pulls him into her chambers.

 “Are you sure there’s nothing we can do?”

 Merlin shakes his head. He hasn’t stopped looking, not really, but he is starting to gain hope that this won’t be as bad as they think.

 Morgana sits down. “Well…at least some good will come of this. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen him so willing to…talk.”

 “…talk?”

 “Arthur has always been one for bold, brash, dive-in-with-a-sword politics,” Morgana says, “he’s never really been one to appreciate the intricacies of trying to get things done.”

 She fixes Merlin with a look. “You know that.”

 Merlin does.

 This is good work. It’s work that needs to be done. Morgana’s good at it. Arthur will become good at it. They need to talk, not just about politics, but about each other. It isn’t easy but it must be done.

 So they adapt.

 Merlin worries.

 Arthur is not one to take hardships of any kind lying down, ever. And yet Merlin hasn’t heard him once complain about this, not in any significant way. No dragging his feet, no staying stubbornly until he collapses again, no pointlessly insisting he can do something he can’t.

 Which means that something’s coming.

 It happens in the smallest of ways.

 They’re in Arthur’s chambers in the late afternoon, the sun shining in the window as Arthur squints at his work. Merlin folds the last sheet and sets it aside. The scratchings of Arthur’s quill stop.

 There’s a sharp snap.

 The quill falls broken down onto the floor, a section of its shaft worn to breaking from heavy use. Arthur stares at it like a corpse.

 The sound of his chair scraping back makes Merlin wince as Arthur throws himself up.

 “Useless—“

 “Arthur!”

 Merlin barely manages to stumble forward enough before Arthur’s striding out of his reach. He slams his hands against the wall. His head bows. A guttural roar builds up in his throat. Merlin winces. He can see Arthur’s muscles tense and refuse to relax. Can see the way his hands twitch for a sword. His legs for a fight. His body for anything.

 And he can’t move anymore or he might collapse.

 “Useless,” Arthur growls again, “useless.”

 “Arthur—“

 “No, Merlin!” Arthur whirls around, fire in his gaze, “what good am I like this? I can’t train! I can’t fight! My own knights won’t even—I can’t—all I can do is talk! How am I supposed to defend my people?”

 “You have knights to fight for you, Arthur, you can—“

 “And what kind of a ruler would I be,” Arthur snarls, spittle flying from his lips, “if I sat on my arse in a castle while men died for me? What kind of a coward—“

 “You’re not a coward!”

 “Aren’t I? I’ve been sitting here—“ he waves a disgusted hand at his desk—“talking to people about things I would do while knowing damn well I won’t!”

 “But that doesn’t make you useless, Arthur!”

 “Doesn’t it?” Arthur slams his hand against the wall again. “I can’t fight anymore! I can’t patrol anymore! What can I do? I’m just—I’m—I’m—“

 Merlin rushes forward as Arthur collapses, catching him and pulling him close. “You have to breathe,” he gentles, “come on…”

 “Can’t—even—shout—“

 “Shh, shh,” Merlin says, “come on, you can yell at me all you want after you’ve breathed, come on…”

 Arthur breathes, but before he’s got his breath all the way back he turns his head. “…not mad at you.”

 “…I know.”

 There’s a few moments of silence as their breaths ring in the chamber.

 “…for all my life,” Arthur murmurs finally, “I’ve been known as a fighter. That’s…that’s all I was going to be known as. Even as a king. And now…now…”

 Merlin can feel the roll of Arthur’s throat as he swallows.

 “Now I don’t know what I am.”

 “You’re a king,” Merlin says softly, “not because of your prowess with a sword, but because of your heart.”

 Arthur makes a noise of protest.

 “No, no, you listen to me. You make choices based on what you think is right. No amount of skill with a sword can make you think differently.” Merlin’s fingers find their way unconsciously into Arthur’s hair. “You’re a good man because you care, not because of your fighting skill.”

 Merlin closes his eyes.

 “You…you chose to do so many things, Arthur, because you knew your people. You knew your kingdom. Not because you knew your way around a sword. People don’t follow you because you fight well, they follow you because you rule well.”

 He presses his cheek to the top of Arthur’s head.

 “And if they stop following you because you can’t fight like you used to, then they weren’t truly loyal followers of yours to begin with.”

 It isn’t easy. It probably won’t ever be easy. But as Arthur turns his face into the crook of Merlin’s neck and breathes easier than he has in a while, Merlin starts to believe it may be alright.

#merlin #bbc merlin #merthur #merthur fic #arthur pendragon #fic #dragonbabbles

[devotedwaywardangel1]

Of Treaties and Nervous Rekindling

Leon x Male!Reader

Fandom: BBC Merlin

Word count: 1667

Warnings: Nightmares

A/N: This is a third try of writing this as they kept turning to multi chapter stories, if I turn the original into a multi chapter fic I’ll post it on AO3. See if you can find the small film reference.

Tagged: @fandom-star​

~~~~~~~

Being in the great hall has got to be the stupidest thing that you have ever done and there is a long list. If Constantine, your idiotic King, got us killed out of good intentions you swear to Furies that you’ll kill him in the after life. A black domino mask covers your face as you kneel at King Arthur’s fury. He is yet to know who you all are yet and boy he is going to have a heart attack, fun times. Sloane has her raven black hair covering her face as she is shoved to her knees, making you growl at the cocky knight who thought he could be boastful. Zathrian’s auburn hair has been un-neatened by an almost comically large man. King Arthur’s voice booms across the hall. “Who are you and what is your business in Camelot?”

“I am Constantine, King of Dumnonia.” He speaks in an authoritative tone. 

“What?” The King seems shocked

“A letter was sent informing you of our arrival a month ago, we are here to simply renew a treaty.” 

“Merlin! Get the documents on my desk now.” He growls.

A scrawny servant runs from the King’s side past you. Minutes later he and other knights enter and you see Leon. It had been over a decade since you last saw him and damn he grew up, probably taller than you now, hair hasn’t changed one bit. You’re now thankful for the mask you were wearing otherwise he would have known it’s you straight away. The serving boy hands the king the letter and you can see the embarrassment on his face as it proves your innocence.

“I apologise for the misunderstanding, we thought-” The King started 

“That we were here to kill you, don’t flatter yourself.” Sloane snaps.

“Slo, play nice.” Constantine tells her sternly before standing up.

You follow suit. “It was an honest mistake, do you want to try again on the first impressions.” Constantine rensures.

The King looks shocked, but having Uther as a parent would make him think he was going to be punished for a mistake such as this. You brush yourself off, in an attempt to be somewhat presentable. “That would be appreciated, your Majesty.” Arthur nods.

They made their introductions but you were busy scowling at the now apologetic looking knight, Gwaine, who shoved Slo on the ground. Until she elbows you in the ribs causing you to grunt and childishly stick your tongue at her. She flicks your nose and laughs as it scrunches up. Zathrian is smiling. “Behave.” Constantine turns around after shaking the King’s hand to scold us. 

“But…” Zath tries.

“No buts or ifs. My apologies, they are children I swear.”

“What are your names?” Gwen asks, you didn’t even sense her coming in the room.

“Zathrian, m'lady.” He bows down respectfully.

“Sloane.” She nods.

“Ulrich Von Liechtenstein.” you smile coyly, why you said that you don’t know.

Zath and Slo double over laughing and Constantine gives you a glare but you just shrug it off. “That’s not his name, he just thinks he’s funny.” 

“(Y/n), at your service sir and on the contrary I’m hilarious.” You smile, removing your mask stuffing it into a trouser pocket.

You look at Leon and he is smiling, oh gods that smile it felt like everything good in this world smacks you in the face. You smile back. “(Y/n)? Your name sounds familiar.” Arthur asks.

“It should, your father did torture me after all.” I raise my eyebrow, where is my damn filter you think. All traces of happiness dissipate from your face with all fairness. You do look scary when you appear monotonous. 

“What do you mean?” He asks, you turn to get Constantine’s approval he nods.

“I used magic to save a child’s life.” 

“You have magic.” He looks at you with anger and disgust.

“Yes, sire.” You remain stoic with your jaw tensing.

The knights of Camelot tense up, Leon eyes them before looking at you. That's when you know he doesn’t hate you. He’s worried. You shake it off and bow down at the King’s feet and mercy. If he were to kill you a war may start but it would be against a dishonorable man, if he shows mercy and a willingness to learn there is hope for Albion yet. “Rise, I wish to understand not to do harm.”

“Oh thank Clementia, really I thought I was going to die.” Shit that was out loud.

“One condition, it's not to be used to harm any one.” He adds.

“I can't, my magic lies in the art of healing, transformation and a few other things.” You explain.

“What do you mean?” The king asks 

“Everyone’s magic is different, I can’t use spells that purposely inflict harm unless threatened.” You shrug.

“Good to know.” He seems to relax.

“That’s why I stab people instead.” You smile.

“(Y/n)! Stop trying to be funny. It will get you killed!” Constantine nearly shouts.

The knight with shoulder length hair starts to laugh hysterically. You just smile and look down holding in your laugh, looking at Leon he’s smiling. Constantine looks ready to cry, out of frustration probably. The King is unable to respond. Zath grabs my shoulder and pulls you out. “Us two are leaving before the wanna be Menander kills himself.” He drags you out without another word.

You sigh in relief as the doors of the great hall close behind you. “Thanks I couldn’t stop.” You rub that back of your neck awkwardly.

“No problem, tavern?” He suggests.

“Are we allowed to go without Slo?” You ask seriously.

“It gives an opportunity for Constaloane to happen.” Zath justifies.

“Fair lets go.” You agree.

~~~~

Both of you came back after a couple of tankards and Zath is drunk off his ass, lightweight. While you’re a little fuzzy. You spot the serving boy from the hall. “Kid!” You catch his attention.

He turns around smiling as he walks up to you. “Hi can I help you, Sirs.” He asks.

“Don’t worry about titles, but could you show us to our rooms if we have them.” 

“Of course, follow me.” He whispers seeing Zath close to asleep on you.

You drag Zath to his room, and put him on the bed. “Thank you…”

“Merlin, Sir (Y/n).” He smiles and nods.

“Thank you Merlin.” You return the smile.

You enter the guest room and collapse onto the bed and sleep overcomes you in a matter of seconds.

A crack of a whip resonates through a dark cell a pained groan follows, another crack and another. Chains rattle as a boy pulls on them in an attempt to break free. High pitch whistling signaled trouble brewing under the surface. The boy’s skin started to crack golden light seeping from the cracks turning pure black. (E/c) eyes started to well up with tears as he felt himself being torn apart. Screams erupt from his throat and the boy is replaced with a mass of hissing black smoke.

You bolt up sweating and panting. You groan and stretch, the sun is peeking over the horizon so you decide to change into your armour and head over to the training field that you had spotted the previous day. There is a training dummy already set up, you draw your sword and begin hacking into it aggressively and it takes mere minutes for you to destroy it, yet you feel no better. You look around desperately for something to take out your rage, fear and sorrow on. You hear a cough, your head snaps at the direction of the noise. It's Leon. He walks up to you slowly as if you were a scared animal. “(Y/n), we didn’t get a chance to talk yesterday.”

“Sorry.” You look to your feet.

He backtracks quickly “No it’s not an issue, obviously you were nervous being back here.”

“Eh you know, son of Uther kinda scary.”

“Arthur has grown.”

“I know.”

“But I’m not here to talk about Arthur.”

You smile and shake your head. “I suppose not.”

“You left without me, why?”

Well that escalated from a trot to a full on gallop. But you manage to get words out. “I couldn’t uproot you from your home and family.”

“That should have been my choice to make.”

“You know what, I don’t feel bad if that’s what you want. I was tortured, I got literally torn apart. You would have got killed, and that would have been on me!” You defend.

He looks taken aback. “What?” 

“Slave traders, I suppressed my magic then boom… a lot of people died.”

He touches your face and you want to lean into the touch but you can’t seem to. So he initiates the hug instead keeping you in a tight hold, you hesitate to return it seeing it has been a while since you’ve been held. You both stay like that for a while, before Leon breaks the hug with a heartbroken expression. You dread what he is about to say. ”Do you think we could ever be possible?”

“I don’t know… I’m not the same man you loved all those years ago.” 

“Then let’s get to know each other again, let me fall for you all over again.”

“Sounds like you already started.”

“I started as soon as I saw you smile.”

You smile up at him. But inside you are conflicted, if this were to work out how will it work. You love your new life, Constantine is more than just your King he is your friend he gave you a chance when no one else would. Sloane was the one who pulled you out of rubble after you exploded. Zathrian forge your nobility papers to get your foot through the door of knighthood. But you guess you’ll cross that bridge later and pray it goes well for the both of you. 

“Come on we have a treaty to deal with.” You start walking.

#bbc merlin #leon #ocs #reader #arthur #gwen #merlin #gwaine #percival #male reader #sir leon #arthur pendragon #sir gwaine #sir percival #leon x reader #leon x male reader #night terrors #nightmares #x reader

[thetimelesscycle]

Tales of Arcadia Wizards Fanfiction: Hope Dies Last - Chapter 5

Merlin's word is law, but neither of them have ever cared much for obeying authority.

A/N: This was one of those fun chapters that fights you at every stage, whether that be in the planning, the writing, or the editing. I am semi-satisfied with the outcome for now, so we are still posting on schedule. Enjoy. :-)

Chapter 5

Truths the Shadows Hide

It was a truth she barely admitted to herself and would certainly never have uttered aloud, but when Merlin had first dragged a wide-eyed street urchin across Camelot’s threshold and proclaimed the boy his new apprentice, Morgana had found herself unexpectedly jealous of her successor. The unwelcome feeling had nothing to do with Hisirdoux himself; The boy was charming, in a bumbling, everything-is-probably-on-fire-but-don’t-look-until-I’ve-put-it-out sort of way. She would have needed to be the heartless witch her brother made her out to be not to find his vibrant energy at least a little endearing; The determined enthusiasm of a stubborn child who had refused to stay down no matter how many times the world knocked his feet out from beneath him.

She knew how difficult it was for magical creatures outside the castle walls to survive. She could easily imagine what little Douxie and his familiar must have been through before Merlin had one of his rare moments of self-serving charity, and it was to her shame that she had not done more to make him feel welcome within his new home.

If she had not been stewing in her own feelings of bitter resentment, she could have encouraged that rebellious streak she knew was hiding beneath the hero worship Douxie held for his mentor. She could have been a buffer between her old teacher’s ridiculous standards and the impressionable child he had taken under his wing. Instead, she had chosen to stand back, to distance herself from her mentor’s young ward, despite the fact it had always been Merlin she was angry at.

Merlin, and her brother

Her powers had never been treated as something to be celebrated. Arthur had been afraid of her from the moment that first, fierce argument between them brought the room alive to echo her fury. Sometimes, she thought Merlin had felt the same. He called her his finest student — behind her back where she wasn’t meant to hear — yet for the duration of her apprenticeship she had always been given the impression he did not trust her. He had treated her like a fire he was trying to contain, not a flame that needed to be nurtured, and the ire she had felt over being leashed and bound by her brother’s prejudices had only grown worse when Merlin replaced her with a student he had freely chosen. A student he was all too happy to teach new spells to. Hisirdoux was not permitted to use many of the incantations he was learning, but that had not stopped the envy that had overshadowed their interactions, a weakness she had allowed to go on for far too long.

It had been petty, unworthy of the person she was trying to be, and she regretted it now. Worse still, she feared there would be no opportunity to right that wrong; That Douxie would die still believing he would never measure up in Merlin’s eyes, his only friend in the world an eccentric little dragon. She couldn’t even find the right words to comfort his distraught familiar, devastated by the truth Merlin had forced her to confirm, and the feeling of helplessness growing in her chest was slowly turning into the irresistible impulse to do something, anything but sit still and await the inevitable.

They had both returned to the bedchamber in the wake of Merlin’s departure, Archie curled against the boy’s side, his head resting on his wizard’s ribs so he could both watch and feel each quiet breath. Morgana had taken one of Douxie’s cold hands in her own, a physical connection that allowed her to make sure Merlin’s stopgap solution was holding together, and perhaps offer some comfort in those moments when the reality of his condition seemed to break the peaceful respite of his slumber.

It didn’t feel like enough. All that training, all those spells, and she was still as useless as she had been years ago in the woods. Merlin would never admit as much, but she could tell he was no less frustrated. Clutching at straws and trying to will a solution into being, whilst ignoring that which she had offered like the old fool he was.

With a sigh, she reached out to gently run a hand through Douxie’s tangled locks, murmuring reproachfully to herself as she did so. “You deserve better. From both of us.”

“Do you really think it would help?” They were the first words Archie had spoken since Merlin left them both alone in the tower, and it took her a moment to follow the pattern of his thoughts.

“Yes,” she answered honestly. “The Shadow Realm is dangerous, and for every truth it might show you there are just as many falsehoods. But it is also a mirror, a reflection of our world, and what is destroyed here may still survive within its borders, particularly when dark magic is the cause.”

Archie lifted himself off his familiar’s chest, leaving just his paws resting there, to look her directly in the eye. “Is Merlin right? If you tried, could you bring back something that isn’t Douxie?”

“It is possible.” She wasn’t Merlin; She would not hide the dangers. “There are powers there that would be all too eager to escape into the mortal world. But there are ways to avoid them. The risk would be slim.”

“And if we do nothing?”

“No living creature can survive without a soul, Archie.” She made the words gentle, as if that could soften the blow. “Dark magic might keep him alive, if you could find someone willing to perform the ritual, but he would be bound to whoever’s power sustained him; A slave to their will.”

Archie fell silent, his eyes drifting back to his familiar’s pale face as he contemplated her words. “It seems we don’t really have a choice then, do we?”

“You want to try?” She was both surprised and impressed. “Even after Merlin expressly forbade it?”

“I am Douxie’s familiar, not Merlin. I looked after him for years before we came here, and that’s not going to change because some old wizard thinks he knows better.”

“Quite right.” Still, she hesitated, because Archie had been right in his earlier admonishment. “What about Douxie? You wanted the choice to be his, did you not?”

Archie was quiet for a somber moment. “Is he going to wake up again?”

“There is every chance that he will.” There was also an equal chance that he wouldn’t. She didn’t think Archie needed to hear that right now. “Merlin’s spell is holding. So long as it continues to do so he shouldn’t get any worse.”

“But he won’t get any better, either.”

“No.”

He nodded thoughtfully, his eyes never leaving his wizard’s face. “We’ve been together for a long time now, Douxie and I. I trust him with my life, and I know he feels the same way.” He drew in a long, deep breath, turning to her with a gaze that seemed to look right through her. “If we do this, then I am extending that faith to you as well, Lady Morgana. I am entrusting you, as a dragon, with what is most precious to me. Do you understand what that means?”

“I do.” Merlin be damned. She hadn’t been able to save Guinevere. She couldn’t do anything for the countless other lives Arthur had already destroyed. But she could make a difference here. She could help someone. “I swear to you, Archie, that I would sooner hand myself over to Arthur’s brutes than bring Douxie to any harm.”

“Alright, then.” He seemed taken aback by the vehemence of her words. “When you put it that way, there’s really no reason to delay this, is there?”

She glanced at the door, trying to guess how much time they had before Merlin returned. It didn’t really matter; He would be too late to stop them as soon as they were on the other side of the portal. With that in mind, she drew her staff out of her cloak, extending it to its full length and letting darkness overtake the white wood.

“Stay close to me,” she directed, gathering the shadows in the room to form their gateway to the other side. “I don’t know what we’ll find in there.”

There was a flash of golden light, then Archie landed on her shoulder in his feline form, claws latching onto her cloak as his tail wrapped around her neck. She exchanged a glance with him as the portal took shape; A final question. When all he did was nod, she turned and plunged them both into the unknown.

It always took a moment to adjust after the disorientation of moving from a world that made sense into the bizarre otherness of the Shadow Realm. It was a reflection of the mortal plane, that much was true, but a jumbled, shattered reflection that made little sense to those not skilled in navigating it. She had had no teacher during her first forays into its mysteries — Merlin had always been adamant in his refusal to even so much as discuss dark magic — but she had learnt from what mistakes she made during those early ventures. She knew this place as well as it was possible to know a mystery, and she recognised almost at once that something was amiss.

Amidst the tumbling rocks and endless darkness were sharp streaks of colour; Red, blue, and purple cut jagged, intertwining lines across the shadows, like someone had taken a knife to a hanging sheet in a fit of fury. They sparked with unstable energy, tears in the veil between worlds that widened and narrowed in fluctuating waves.

“Well,” Archie spoke in her ear. “This is all deeply unnerving.”

“This isn’t right,” she agreed, using one of the drifting boulders to propel them closer to the strange fissures. She could see figures moving on the other side, like peering through a fogged window. Voices and sounds reached her, their subtleties muffled by the invisible barrier. “Something terrible happened here.”

“Do you think it was the Arcane Order?” Crouched low on her neck, Archie peered distrustfully at the strange manifestation of magic. “Is it because of what they did to Douxie?”

“I don’t know.” She had never seen anything like it before. For the first time in years, she found herself uneasy within the boundaries of her favoured domain. “Let’s just find Douxie. We can worry about all of this once he is safe.”

Archie murmured his agreement, and she closed her eyes in concentration, honing in on Hisirdoux’s unique magical signature. To her bewilderment, she found her attention drawn in a dozen different directions, none of them providing a strong enough resonance to give her a definitive path by which to travel. She felt as though she was shouting into the void, echoes warping the answer, so it seemed as though she were searching for many instead of one.

Drawing her attention back inward, she waited for that dizzying duality to fade, narrowing her search as she pictured the room she had left from; The bed and the boy within it. Without looking, she felt the world shift around her, and when she opened her eyes she was standing within those four walls again, albeit a version that was bare of colour and furnishings both. The only object in the chamber was a black staff, held aloft by a jagged piece of ice that carved its way upwards like a weathered mountain peak, tapering to razor-thin fingers that curled around the weapon’s handle. The staff’s focussing stone — a cyan jewel that had no doubt once been its crowning glory — was shattered down the middle, molten veins marking a spiralling pattern where it had fractured. The broken shards had not fallen, drifting around the largest fragment still inset in the staff, tethered to their origin by thin, intertwining threads of green and purple.

Crouched on her shoulder, Archie voiced his unease, “What is that?”

“It looks like a wizard’s staff....” she answered the familiar hesitantly, carefully crossing the space between them and the strange pedestal. Nothing happened as she drew near, or as she reached out to gently prod one of the shards with the tip of her finger.  It moved as if they were under water, drifting away from her slowly until it reached the end of its tether and was tugged in another direction.

Emboldened, she took one of the pieces in her hand and pressed it back into its rightful place. The world shuddered the moment the sliver clicked into position, the darkness rising, growing, and descending upon them like a wave. She raised her staff too late; It crashed over them, forces that she could not see tugging them in a multitude of directions at once.

She was whipped about like a dry leaf in a fearsome gale, her eyes alighting on a glimpse of their quarry for only a second before they were scattered once more. Snatches of conversation assailed her, no more than three or five words at a time, happiness mingled with anger and twisted with grief. Gritting her teeth, she locked her fingers about the staff in her hands, stoking her outrage, her fury at the ones responsible for this. The emotion grew from glowing embers into a blazing inferno; With the force of that anger, she imposed her will on the shadows around them, commanding the world to a halt with a mental shout.

It obeyed with a suddenness that had her staggering in place, Archie digging his claws in as he threw his weight against her own to stop her pitching down the dark abyss that opened up before her feet. She reeled backwards, sitting abruptly and taking a moment to regain her breath before glancing about their new surroundings.

They had emerged in a crumbling replica of the castle courtyard, the cobblestones beneath her feet cracked with age and neglect. Weeds nudged their way upwards through every crook and cranny they could find, stretching like ropes across the black void that had torn the ground asunder, forming a tangled web of floating islands. The towers that usually stood, proud and shining overhead, were broken and drifting in the emptiness of the Shadow Realm, the same ruptures she had seen upon their entry having wreaked their havoc here as well. There were whispers on the air, a slow chant that could only be magic, and a shiver ran down her spine.

The sensation of eyes upon her back prompted her to glance over her shoulder, finding nothing but the churning tempest from which they had emerged.

“What now?” Archie asked, readjusting his glasses as he peered at their surroundings with open distrust. Morgana rose, trying to appear more confident then she felt as she lifted her eyes to Merlin’s tower. It was still intact, unlike the rest of the keep, and there was a light shining forth from its windows.

Crouching, she shoved off the cracked cobblestones beneath her feet, bounding her way up and over the shattered battlements to land on the narrow walkway that led to the Master Wizard’s study. There was another of the rifts in the air beside her, slowly devouring crumbling stone, what was solid and immovable in the material world turning to dust as it was swept away. She turned her back on the disconcerting sight, treading carefully towards the workshop door. It resisted her first attempt to enter, refusing to budge as she threw her weight against it. She was forced to take a step back, raising her hand and letting her magic slam it open.

The room inside had been overtaken. Not by magic or the strange fissures outside, but a bright and verdant network of vines that bound the entire room together. They were everywhere; Climbing the walls, crisscrossing the floor, creeping across the ceiling. Even those she had snapped off to get inside were already reforming, stretching across the entrance to bar the way out.

Or the way in.

The central table was missing, she noted, as she stepped further inside, as were all the other doors and windows. A layer of frost dusted every surface, yet the stonework beneath the greenery was blackened. It looked as though a terrible fire had swept through the room, ashes still drifting lazily within the contained space. They settled on the floor, atop the the vines snaking their way across the stones, and the boy lying curled on his side in the centre of it all.

“Douxie?” Archie leapt from her shoulder, shifting into his winged form to glide to his familiar’s side. He tested the creepers wrapped about his wizard with his paw; They neither tightened nor loosened their grip, and Archie turned back to the boy they held. “Douxie, can you hear me?”

The young wizard didn’t stir. As she drew nearer, Morgana realised he was clutching something in his hands. A white box, gilded in gold, that she had seen countless times in Merlin’s hands, though she had never been permitted to know its mysteries herself.

“The time map...”

Carefully, she lowered herself beside the boy and his familiar. Something crunched beneath her boots as she did so; Shards of a dark green gemstone she did not recognise. The pieces neither exploded nor started to glow upon being crushed underfoot, so she dismissed them, reaching out to ease the enchanted box from Douxie’s limp fingers. It lit up as soon as she opened it, the soft glow bright amidst the room’s heavy darkness, flickering images dancing by too quickly for her to understand what she was seeing.

It froze locked on a likeness of her own face, twisted in rage. She glanced at Archie, the familiar looking as deeply unsettled as she felt. Before either of them could give voice to their thoughts, the image cupped in her hands expanded, and the room around them disappeared in the blink of an eye.

There was no furious maelstrom this time, nor even the darkness that one could reasonably expect within a place named for the shadows. Instead, she found herself floating within a pale dome of light, surrounded by a myriad of moving images. They drifted around her in a slow rotation, pausing just long enough to offer her a tantalising glimpse of their contents before moving on.

Most made little sense to her: A blurred, barely there impression of calloused but gentle hands, the touch familiar even if the heavy weight that settled about a too small wrist was not; A terrible noise, blind panic, flames, and a moonless night that turned every strange shape into a monster; A world that was too big for the child scampering through it, trying to avoid being trampled whilst diving for dropped crusts amidst the dirt; Pain, blood, and a deep, wrenching sense of loneliness; A dark corner, lit by the dimmest of glows, and a strange rumbling noise that sparked enough curiosity to crawl out of hiding.

It was not until the pictures became clearer, not until she started to see surroundings that she recognised and a little black cat darting hither and thither, that she realised what she was looking at. These, the more recent memories, were much less distorted, and yet at the same time there was a strange overlap of events, as though two different versions were unfolding at the same time. She watched, drawn in by the surreal experience of seeing herself through another’s eyes; Her many quarrels with her brother and her teacher alike revealed in vivid detail before her. There was some measure of guilt in the realisation of just how often Douxie had played a silent witness to such conflicts, standing forgotten in the background as his elders argued back and forth.

That thought was recognised and forgotten in almost the same heartbeat, because the images had not stopped. The present day had come and gone and she was looking now at things that had not happened. That could not have happened. Wariness growing in the back of her mind, she floated forward slowly, reaching out to touch one of the false recollections. The colours warped, forming a vice that locked around her wrist, and she and Archie were both wrenched right through the mirage.

She staggered, the ground beneath her feet uneven and covered with long grass that snared about her ankles. There was a thick, unnatural mist obscuring her vision — or was it smoke? — vague sounds of battle, voices she recognised and some she did not. She thought she saw Arthur, the light of Excalibur burning bright, and... and...

She froze, horror closing around her throat like a vice as she beheld herself, staff raised in fury as she cast magic at her own brother. She saw Douxie, running, hand outstretched to intervene though he must have known he was too far away. The spell in her palm and Excalibur’s edge collided in a surge of golden light that grew and grew until all of the world was washed away in a burst of energy that consumed them all.

#hisirdoux casperan #toa morgana #toa merlin #toa archie #Tales of Arcadia #TOA Wizards #Fanfiction #Hurt/Comfort #Angst