#There's like four plots going on but Davenport's A-Plot

[lab-trash]

A Few Hot Takes About Elite Force

Bree did not deserve to go to Centium City, nor does it make sense plot-wise

In season four it's jokingly established that Bree is becoming sort of a mom-friend, mom-mentor sort of figure. There is no way in hell that she would've allowed fucking Adam and Leo to run the bionic island. She knows those two knuckle-heads would get into trouble. Don't get me wrong, I love when Adam takes control of the situation and when he takes responsibility for Bob in that one episode, but let's face it: he is not ready for such a large role when it comes to that many kids. Dude is not equipped to be a babysitter. When it comes to Leo, while he is more equipped for the situation, he is very well established to make shit go wrong on fucking accident. We see it time and time and time again, not only in season one, but in season four (read: the whole business card fiasco). She would've known that they would've be able to handle it alone, especially when taking into account that their chaperones would've been fucking Terry Cherry Perry and goddamn Douglas Davenport! Excuse me???? No! She would have not allowed that.

Edit- Also, she just got a sister! I know that she said that the excitement was gone after having to change diapers, but you're telling me that Bree wouldn't want to be a part of her life????

Leo did deserve to go to Centium City, and it would've made more sense plot-wise (especially if they kept it mostly the same story-wise)

Leo, as we all know, gets along great with Kaz. Not only that, but he's a superhero nerd. I guarantee that if Leo just knew wtf the 'secret project' was, he would've been on board faster than the train to Downtown Welkerville. It would've been epic to see him interact with not just Kaz, but Oliver too? Skylar probably would've felt like she fit in more too, because she's definitely one of the boys (not in a pick-me way, in a nonbinary way). It would've been really fun seeing Chase trying to battle Kaz, Oliver and Leo down from playing Topple Tower and whatever other various games. Such as, for example, Leo jumping off the building for Kaz and/or Oliver to catch him before he fucking dies. I know this was more of an Adam and Chase thing, but I still think we should've gotten a prank wars episode, and since it's decidedly canon that Bree is, at best, mid when it comes to pranks, it could've gotten real fucking intense. I love the idea of Oliver and Kaz warning Chase and Leo about Skylar being really amazing at pranks, and then when they don't really notice her being weird or suspicious, they just think it was to mess with their heads (which does or does not work, depending on if you want a Sicillian situation on your hands or not) so they brush it off, only to be bested by the prank master. But I'm getting off topic. The biggest reason that I think that Leo should've gone to Centium City instead of Bree is because of Episode 9 and Episode 10. In episode 9, The Intruder,we are introduced to a character named AJ, who finds Chase and Douglas in the Mission Command (aka, the basement) by mistake. And I know that they often draw comparisons from AJ to Chase, but I think that it would work way better with Leo— Better yet, Leo and Chase. Like Chase, AJ is autistic coded, socially inept, and a tech nerd. But like Leo, he means well. He wants to be a part of the team, even though objectively that maybe shouldn't be allowed. He snuck his way into this family by running into them when he didn't mean to, when he was just exploring where he lived. AJ should've gotten bonding time with Leo. Maybe then, the common headcannon that AJ will/would become Mission Specialist like Leo once was, would be cannon. Next is Episode 10, The Rock. In The Rock, AJ makes a list ranking the most useful/gifted in the Elite Force, to the least. This causes Bree to become insecure when she's placed in the middle, leading her to attempt getting more powers by touching the Arcturian. I will always stand by the fact that this was a fucking stupid idea. But when it's Leo? This idea becomes nearly fucking genius. Leo would likely be placed in a similar place, if not lower, given that only part of him has powers. He is not bionic, he has bionics. And, y'know, he's a superhero nerd; why would he not want superpowers. He also is reckless, which would make sense why he would touch the Arcturian without really thinking about it as much as he probably should. And best of all, this could be a personal secret, instead of a secret between him and someone else, like it was with Bree and Skylar. After all, Leo already has a buffer. His arm. Leo wouldn't need to be endangered to get these powers, he already paid that tax years ago. Leo would finally have powers. Not just partial powers; real, true powers. It makes sense that he would be the first bionic superhero. Leo deserves to be the first bionic superhero.

Edit cont.- I do think that Leo would want to be in Naomi's life too, I understand that. Especially with his dad having been absent in his life, he might want Naomi to grow up with her family around. But at the same time, I really like the idea of him letting Bree have that honour. Like a bit of an emotional moment as they debate who goes to Centium City and who stays on the island/in Mission Creek, and in the end, Leo knows how much Bree's always wanted a sister and decides that she should be allowed to have that.

I have way more, but I can't remember, so this is probably the last one. Ka-Kai-Ra-Ta-Hee-Haw-Mwak-Floopie-Pazoing should've been in Elite Force

They couldn't have invited Auggie Issac back for one episode just to make it feel more like Caldera? Seriously? She is definitely one of the highlights that we get when we visit Caldera in Mighty Med, and without her, it feels disingenuous. Hell, start the episode with a quick video chat with Gus talking about how things are going in Philly and with The Domain, make the universe feel more coherent and put together. And then, if Chase and Leo/Bree see the call, they could later mention how she looks like Gus. And, not only that, but she could help save Skylar. Like, instead of Scarlett just being like 'hey muthafuckas, lemme bring you to ya girl,' it could've had this semi-dramatic, semi-emotional moment with Ka-Kai-Ra-Ta-Hee-Haw-Mwak-Floopie-Pazoing where she explains that she saw Scarlett taking Skylar away. She could've explained the whole rebellion thing to Oliver and his accompaniment. They could've had one of those cross cut scenes where it cuts between Ka-Kai-Ra-Ta-Hee-Haw-Mwak-Floopie-Pazoing and Scarlett explaining what's going on, instead of getting weird feeling, one dimensional exposition from just Scarlett talking to Skylar through an oddly shaped TV. I would've loved to see her and Skylar reunite, even for a little bit. Hell, y'know what, Ka-Kai-Ra-Ta-Hee-Haw-Mwak-Floopie-Pazoing is basically not a pet, which is implied through the numerous jokes of her not responding to things that a normal pet do, and the fact that she speaks english. It would've been epic as fuck if she was like... leading a rebellion army. That would've been so fucking awesome. But that would've been far more difficult to do, and I understand that. But the first part? Cmon, she is the heart and soul of Caldera. She should've been there.

Sorry for the super long post that was basically about nothing, but I was ranting to my friend who knows nothing about the lref universe and I wanted to share these. They're definitely the ones I'm most passionate about— not including how I think that Douglas definitely should've been indited more as their father instead of Donald, especially in Elite Force where Douglas showed up more than Donald did. And that Tasha deserves someone better (and I wouldn't exactly mind if that person were Douglas, but I've been over how I think that Douglas deserves a nice twunk)

Let me know if I should make a part two, and I might rant about a few more things they could've done to make Elite Force better.

Anyway, all in all, thank you for coming to my ted talk.

#please read this I worked really hard on it #please comment and/or reblogg I worked really hard on it #lab rats elite force #lab rats #mighty med #chase davenport #kaz mm #kaz lref #oliver mm #oliver lref #leo dooley #skylar storm #bree davenport #aj lref #headcannons #headcanons #thank you for coming to my ted talk #ranting #long post #trash rants #trash talks #ka kai ra ta hee haw mwak floopie pazoing #gus mm

[lizethvillavicencio]

My current hyperfixation is Lab Rats.

Not the animal, but the show. You know the one. Leo Dooley has just moved in with his Step-Dad, Donald Davenport, and discovers a secret lab in the basement, where he finds three kids with incredible powers that they call Bionics. He forms a bond with them and brings them out to the normal world for the first time in their lives, which sets up four seasons of wild shenanigans, villains, and self discovery.

And a constant laugh track.

I always thought that Lab Rats had such an amazing concept. The idea that someone made three regular people super with advanced technology, leaving room for morals about self identity and family along the way; I eat crap like this up every time. But Lab Rats was very limited in what it could do because it was a Disney Sitcom. There was no room for character growth that lasted more than an episode or discussions about the trauma that would come with being raised by a narcissist in a lab, never knowing the light of day until your late teens. The neurodivergent and queer coding was never brought up, and just over all, darker themes could not be explored.

So, Tumblr, I've decided to pull a Thanos and do it myself.

I want to make a story about what the show couldn't. I want to write about how the Davenports' relationship will be effected after they meet other people and learn what normal family dynamics are like. I want to write about Donald's emotional neglect and narcissism and how this would be the main key towards Douglas' redemption. I want to write about Adam, Bree, and Chase, exploring their genders, sexualities, masculinity and femininity. But, most of all, I want Donald Davenport to face consequences for his actions.

You may be asking, "Person, why announce this to Tumblr when you can just post the story to Ao3 and/or Wattpad and be done with it?"

Because I wanted to ask the people what they want.

This story isn't just self indulgence, it's for the fandom, whom has already done so much to add more depth to the Lab Rats world. So, I want to know what you want to see. Here is what I have planned to add so far:

1. Chase has D.I.D

I am a firm believer that Spike isn't just some Bionic that Douglas gave Chase. I believe that because of the practically endless trauma that Chase has gone through(going on missions to save the world and Adam's abuse) he developed a D.I.D. system and Spike is the protector. I know that people with D.I.D. usually have multiple alters, but it's not impossible to only have one. Or I may add more. Let me know what you think.

2. Adam, Bree, and Chase are triplets.

They still have the same birth order, they're just triplets now.

3. The main three have less bionics

Oh my god, these kids are so overpowered. To help fill some plot holes, here are the bionics they're going to have:

Adam: Super Strength(his limit is a ton)

Super Durability

Heat Vision

Blast Wave(but he becomes

incredibly exhausted after using it,

so he saves it for emergencies)

Bree: Super Speed(her highest speed is

70 mph, but she becomes

incredibly exhausted after using it),

Super Durability

Super Agility

Invisibility

Vocal Manipulation

Chase: Super Intelligence

Super Durability

Force Field

Laser Bo

4. Douglas has more kids

I'm planning on making Daniel WAY more involved in the plot and Douglas having another daughter. I don't have a name for her yet, so I'm gonna call her E for now. My plan is that after Adam, Bree, and Chase are taken from him, Douglas and Krane just relocate and make more kids. Daniel and E are definitely going to be there, but I might add more. Daniel's bionics are going to stay the same, and I'm deciding between giving E geo-leaping or molecularkinesis. The main purpose for the two of them is to further the I-Am-Your-Father arc, as I like to call it, and to open up new perspectives on Douglas as a father figure.

5. Douglas and Krane are/were in a relationship

Every scene with them is just them being an old married couple.

6. Mighty Med and Lab Rats existing in the same universe is a lot bigger to the plot

I don't want to reveal how I'm gonna execute this, but trust me, it'll be there.

7. Adam has ADHD and Dyslexia

After watching the show fiftyleven times, I can say with confidence that Adam is not dumb. He has a short attention span, sure, but he can think quick on his feet and is actually quite clever. He may not excel in the classroom, but unlike what a lot of parents will tell you, grades are not a good reflection of someone's intelligence or skills. And while Adam's spelling skills are below average, this doesn't usually occur to someone in their late teens unless they a) didn't have access to a good education, or b) they are lazy and incredibly spoiled, and Adam is none of these things. But, something that neurodivergent people tend to do in situations like these is uplay their "dumbness" to the point where it's OBVIOUSLY a joke, except it's not. They just don't want people to think they're actually that dumb.

I wouldn't put it past Donald to just label Adam as dumb and not get him assessed.

8: Bree also has ADHD

Bree also seems to have trouble concentrating and waiting, but where Adam hyperfixates for months at a time and is innatentive, Bree's hyperfixations last for a few days at most before she moves on to the next thing.

9: Chase is bisexual

Do I even have to explain this one?

10: Chase has autism

Listen, this man does not get social cues and info dumps like crazy.

And last, but certainly not least,

11: Krane's story is going to go beyond the every Disney Villain motivation of wanting to take over the world

I always wished they had done more with Krane than the simple, "I wanna take over the world," crap that most Disney villains do. I wanted more lore, more backstory, more motivation. Now, I'm finally getting it.

Please let me know what you think and have a great day!

#lab rats #adam davenport #bree davenport #chase davenport #leo dooley #donald davenport #douglas davenport #rewrite #fanfic #fanfiction #mighty med

[randomstrom]

Hello to the, like, ten (10) people who make up the Lab Rats/Mighty Med/Lab Rats: Elite Force fandoms!

I finally have access to Disney+ which means I can finally watch these shows again! (Last time I had seen them I was fourteen (14) which was a long time ago considering I am in my twenties (20’s)…)

Anyways, I plan to “binge watch” the shows between holiday and winter break (I am in college so I get a long winter break!) And I was thinking, if you all would be interested, there is a couple of things I was thinking of writing for the fandom (mainly Lab Rats because that’s the one I watched the most but some for Mighty Med too) which I’ll describe below. But if any of you are interested in one or all of them let me know (or my therapist will have to listen to me ramble about them lol).

1.) okay so first idea is a bit basic but it’s me, almost, annotating the show as I watch it. Seems a bit boring but I think it might be kinda interesting to document my thoughts watching the show as an adult and compare it with my thought about the show as a preteen/young teenager.

Growing up I was into watching a lot of medical shows and by the time I was in middle school, so the same time all these shows were coming out, I got really big into comic books and super heroes. So it’s a no brainer that I was hyped for Mighty Med but sadly I was never home in time to watch the episodes because of school and extracurricular activities. 🥲 So I do know some of the stuff that happened in the show and know a decent amount about the main and few side characters but in regards to annotating, it will be a lot of me watching it Mighty Med for the first time.

I think it’s kinda obvious that I am a fan of Chase character so there will be a lot of comments about him. However I will also cover the topics about siblings dynamics and how the Davenport siblings have unhealthy, borderline toxic, relationships. I also know that I am going to hit very hard on the fact that Leo and Tasha’s characters were so undermined and they deserve so much better since they play such a critical role in the plot! For two main characters they felt like side or even background characters and it’s just not right by any means!

In this annotation I will also most likely talk a lot about ethics and how inaccurate/unacceptable and, at times, inhuman some of the topics, actions, and behaviors that the actors had to portrayed. Now I am a psychology major and a graduate student in social work so ethics and the proper treatment of humans is something that I am highly educated and an advocate about so I am going to be digging these characters (specifically the adults) for a lot of things and I want to make it know that I love all these characters but these is a lot of fucked up stuff that happens in this show that would never be okay (let alone accurate) in today’s society.

2.) okay now stay with me here, the second idea is a psychological analysis of a few characters - specificity Donald, Douglas, Adam, Bree, and Chase for Lab Rats and then Kaz, Oliver, and Skylar’s behavioral changes as they experience more trauma in Mighty Med and Elite Force (I am especially going to hit on Oliver’s character changes between shows because there is a lot to unpack there). Now before you start judging me, I am a senior (year four (4)) psychological science major at university so I do know a lot about different psychological disorders, trauma responses, along with healthy and unhealthy coping skills. And I had this idea a few years ago because in one of my courses when we were talking about personality disorder it reminded me a lot of the Davenport brother. I had also mentioned it because my professor liked it when we would reference different medias that showcased psych disorders (whether in a good or bad light, accurate or not), but more on that later.

3.) idea number three is a bit along the lines of idea two. A lot of people in the fandom might not know about this but Adam, Bree, and Chase’s characters are written completely inaccurate to the point that it drives me insane. I know that this is show is supposed to be a sitcom and that we shouldn’t take the characters that seriously but the thing is… the main plot about how the kids were raised in a basement, away from most all human interaction is by all means creepy. When most people think of kids being locked in a basement… well let’s just say that they normally don’t think they are being used for human experiments. That being said there is scientific evidence and studies that, when thinking in hypothetical terms, can show proof that these kids shouldn’t be functioning the way they are if they truly never left the basement and their only knowledge of the outside world was though Donald and a few movies.

There is also a scientific study that could help prove that Douglas is, or at least at one point was, a good parental figure for the kids when they were infants. And, if you are interested, there are ways to prove that Adam, Bree, Chase, AND Leo would have a completely different relationship and perspective of Donald based on what people, who were raised by narcissistic parent(s), have said about their experiences and traumas that line up with what we know about the characters.

4.) If any of you are interested I have some just personal thoughts, headcannons, one-shots, etc about the characters and shows

5.) last idea (for now at least) would be me essentially rewriting Lab Rats and when it crosses over with Mighty Med into the Elite Force (I am going to mostly leave Mighty Med’s plot alone because it is a great one but I will change the ending a bit because it’s wrong to blow it up 😭). In this rewrite it will focus a lot on addressing time line issues, the different relationships/family dynamics, LGBTQIA+ topics (*looking a Douglas, Bree, and Chase character*), trauma, CHARACTER DEVELOPMENTS, holding characters responsible for their actions, a bit more on Krane’s past, giving Marcus a redemption arc and getting to see him grow as a character, addressing struggles adjusting to new life changes (Kaz and Oliver adjusting to being doctors/having responsibilities, more on skylar getting use to normos life styles and herself discovery, the Lab Rats learning and adjusting to life in a more accurate way), etc.

Anyways let me know if anyone is interested in any of these, if not then 🤷 idk I just want to talk to someone about how fuck up these shows were and the impact they had on me lmao 😅😬

#lab rats #lab rats bionic island #lab rats elite force #mighty med #kaz mighty med #oliver mighty med #skylar storm #chase davenport #adam davenport #bree davenport #leo dooley #tasha davenport #donald davenport #douglas davenport

[atlasdoe]

One thing that I’m certain about Lab Rats is that the best episodes are the episodes where all four siblings have a plot line together.

Usually these fall under the categories of them using one of Davenports inventions and it going wrong or one of the more serious episodes AND GOD THEY’RE SO GOOD.

Like, episodes like Memory Whip, Hole in one and Chip Switch where we get to see them all just be the reckless teenagers they are bring so much joy to me and are so entertaining and I think it’s a reason why I’m not as invested in season 4. By the time they’re on the Bionic Island they’re not reckless teenagers but are superior figures and have less plotlines with all four of them.

Similarly I can link this to how my favourite episode of Elite Force is They grow up so fast because it’s the only episodes with the concept of an invention going wrong and the main characters trying to fix it without an adult noticing that it’s gone wrong.

I’ve said before that the dynamic of the Elite Force is my favourite thing about the show and I love how they all play off of each other in that episode. It’s really nostalgic and I wish we got more episodes like that.

#lab rats #lab rats disney xd #lab rats elite force #chase davenport #bree davenport #Adam Davenport #leo dooley #ace is crying over siblings again #my favourite tv siblings😭😭

[donnahinkleystaceytroy]

The Wicked Witch of the West Hourglass -- the Most Famous and Recognizable Timepiece in Film History.

Margaret Hamilton "Wicked Witch of the West" Hourglass fromThe Wizard of Oz(MGM, 1939)."Do you see that[the hourglass]?That's how much longer you've got to be alive! And it isn't long, my pretty! It isn't long! I can't wait forever to get those shoes!"

From what is regarded as "the best loved motion picture of all time," the Witch's Hourglass remains as the most recognizable signature prop from the film, in addition to being a crucial plot-driving device. The scenes at the Witch's Castle, where the Hourglass is used, are among the most memorable in the film. After Dorothy (Judy Garland) is captured from the Haunted Forest, the winged monkeys bring her to the Wicked Witch, who holds the hourglass and exclaims, "You see that [the hourglass]? That's how much longer you've got to be alive! And it isn't long, my pretty! it isn't long! I can't wait forever to get those shoes!"

From this moment forward, the pace of the film quickens, as Dorothy's three friends race against time to save her from the Wicked Witch of the West. Periodic closeups of the Hourglass remind the audience of how little time remains before Dorothy's demise. When the Scarecrow, Tin Man and Cowardly Lion finally reach the castle tower where Dorothy is held captive, they break down the door as Dorothy cries out, "Oh, hurry, please hurry! The hourglass is almost empty!" While making their escape, our four heroes are cornered by the Winkie Guards. From the balcony above, the Wicked Witch asks, "Going so soon? I wouldn't hear of it. Why, my little party is just beginning." The Witch then holds the hourglass above her head and throws it. At this point, the camera cuts to a different "stunt" Hourglass that is guided to the stage floor by wires and bursts into a cloud of flame and smoke. As with any signature prop from a major studio production, multiple versions of the Hourglass were created, including a resin and wood version, as well as lighter versions crafted of wood and papier-mâché, like this example, which was used for the epic, climactic sequence when the Wicked Witch of the West holds the Hourglass above her head in defiance of our heroes.

Measuring 20" tall x 11.5" wide, the Gothic frame is expertly crafted by studio artisans of wood and papier-mâché with winged gargoyles perched atop three spiraled columns. The glass element is crafted of hand-blown glass filled with red glitter (added later for display, as the glitter does not flow through the narrow neck of the glass). Following its use on The Wizard of Oz, MGM used this famous Hourglass in subsequent productions, including Babes on Broadway (1941), Diane (1956), and 7 Faces of Dr. Lao (1964). Hourglass frame is asymmetrical and exhibits expected age and wear from production use, including scuffing and cracking to paint on the gargoyle pillars as well as scuffing, wear with some wood loss on the knobs on both bases (top and bottom). There is evidence of studio repair, including pegs installed to secure the gargoyle ears to the base. This incredibly famous film artifact presents beautifully and has been featured in three museum exhibitions: Los Angeles Public Library's Getty Gallery (2000); Farnsworth Art Museum, Rockland, Maine (2014), and Figge Art Museum, Davenport, Iowa (2016).

Provenance: 1970 MGM David Weisz Auction; later sold by Camden House Auctioneers Vintage Film Posters & Entertainment Memorabilia sale, June 6-7, 1992, lot 510.

https://tinyurl.com/3nzf3zb8

#the wizard of oz

[amoreluxhq]

           [  +  003  ]  WANTED  CONNECTIONS  have  been  added  !

🌦  –––  ALEXANDRA FAIRCHILD  (  halston sage  &  29  )  is  looking  for  a  OLDER SIBLINGS (0/3).  this  relationship  would’ve  looked  a  lot  like  (  alex is the youngest of four kids, born from a family of a media mogul father and socialite mother. while alex is content with her modeling and influencer status, her siblings are more into the world their parents created – working in the fairchild media business, or doing philanthropic work. originally from NYC but i’m thinking they’ve come to seattle to open a west coast branch of fairchild media. personalities & family relationships are utp! ).  DEANNA  could  see  this  character  look  like  (  william moseley, dianna agron, chad michael murray, rebecca rittenhouse, any fc that makes sense to be related to  )  and  should  be  around  (  32+  ).  you  SHOULD  contact  @fairchildisms  before  applying.

🌦  –––  ISAAK AMIN  (  rami malek &  41  )  is  looking  for  a  EX.  this  relationship  would’ve  looked  a  lot  like  (  isaak and your muse were together for about three years but do to work (and maybe something else it can be plotted) they decided to break up and go their separate ways. Isaak still holds some feelings towards your muse. ).  M  could  see  this  character  look  like  (  utp  )  and  should  be  around  (  39 - 45  ).  you  SHOULD /  CAN  contact  @isaak-amin before  applying.

🌦  –––  KELVIN  DAVENPORT  (  michael  b  jordan  &  35  )  is  looking  for  a  ON  &  OFF  AGAIN  GIRLFRIEND  /  ROOMMATE.  this  relationship  would’ve  looked  a  lot  like  (  she  would  need  to  be  30 +  but  basically  ,  someone  he  met  while  working  in  the  hospital  .  she’s  probably  some  kind  of  surgeon  too  (  35 +  )  or  nurse  or  a  surgeon  in  residency  (  30 +  )  &  i’m  thinking  they  became  roommates  by  him  lit  hanging  a  roommate  wanted  sign  in  the  employee  break  room  when  he  moved  here  but  i’m  thinkin  they  enjoyed  each  other  a  lil  too  much  &  dove  into  this  whirlwind  relationship  cycle  of  being  together  &  then  breaking  up  for  something  dumb  .  they’re  always  trying  to  make  each  other  jealous  by  bringing  another  person  home  ,  etc  etc  .  but  obvi  he  rlly  cares  for  her  ,  more  than  he’ll  admit  &  he’s  def  not  rdy  to  give  up  .  also  ,  gimme  mark  &  lexie  vibes  aldjalsj  ).  PEACH  could  see  this  character  look  like  (  rosie  huntington  -  whiteley  !!  olivia  culpo  ,  jourdan  dunn  ,  prang  kannarun  ,  any  f / nb  fc  )  and  should  be  around  (  30-35 +  ).  you  CAN  contact  @affctio  before  applying.

#appless rp #oc rp #city rp #new rp #apartment rp #oc rpg #city rpg #appless rpg #new rpg #wc.

[daily-davenport]

Not drawing stuff today so have a Davenport-centric AU I’ve been thinking of for funsies!

[Haven’t decided on a fun name yet tho - “Lucretia gets Yeeted AU”, “Edward and Lydia Joyride AU” or “Johann is harassed by a Giant Invisible Jellyfish AU” are probably the best ones I got so far for levity’s sake. Or just “Animus AU” for brevity’s sake?? Anyway - there’s the Animus Bell, Lucretia has Bad Luck and Davenport gets a job.]

Set up

Basically, Lucretia fails in Wonderland. She spins slightly different on the wheel and instead of giving up time, she has to give up some memories - that she refuses. Since the Animus Bell lets the Wonderland Liches see contestants’ memories, they see something interesting and decide, “Oh let’s not let this one go”, and don’t offer the Escape Game.

Lucretia eventually lands on Bad Luck and ends up experiencing an “Arms Outstretched” moment without someone stretching out.

The twins saw Lucretia has some things they very much want: a cool plane-jumping ship, a jellyfish that eats memories, and a potentially powerful vessel who can’t currently fight them (i.e. a voided Davenport).

Lydia possesses Lucretia’s body and Lu-Lydia and Edward make their way to the ship.

Davenport, even in his Voided state, can tell something is Very Wrong and somehow ends up breaking Fisher’s tank and accidentally drinks some of the ichor.

He’s too dazed but recognizes, whoever this not-Lucretia is, they can’t have access to whatever Fisher’s power is and manages to distract the twins and make Fisher undetectable - Fisher escapes but Davenport also gets soul-yeeted.

Edward possesses Davenport (they use illusion magic, I’m sure they’re pumped about having a vessel who can do high level ill. spells).

Meanwhile, Kravitz is having a field day cause super-death-criminal Lucretia just showed up in the Astral Sea out of the blue in utter anguish. Then a second one shows up and Lucretia is not having a great time.

Plot things happen and Lucretia and Davenport manage to strike a deal with the Raven Queen - for one year* they help Kravitz and try collecting the Relics and save this Plane from the Hunger. If their term of service runs out and it turns out they’re lying about the Hunger, they go to the Eternal Stockade forever. (*a period of time subject to change)

Fun Stuff to Consider

LUCRETIA AND DAVENPORT.

Davenport is mad as hell but he has to work together with Lucretia (and chaperone Kravitz) while their goals are different.

Lucretia feels awful but still believes her actions just and vows to not fail again.

Lucretia still wants to find all the relics and enact her Barrier Plan. Davenport does not necessarily want to find all the relics - just the Animus Bell because they’ll find the Starblaster too - and initially wants to leave this plane to its fate and try again.

Davenport “lives” in this plane and grows attachments and is conflicted about just leaving. He would still chose to leave for the Greater Good I think but that’s interesting to think about (he deffo has a moment with Hurley and Sloane natch).

Kravitz having to work with these two powder kegs.

Davenport and Lucretia working together on a dime to casually sabotage Kravitz’ efforts to catch Barry but also trying to use their new powers to search for Lup.

BARRY. Does he see possessed Lucretia and Davenport?? Does he know they’re possessed?? If he does, how does he react knowing they might be dead?? Or does he see Reaper Luc and Dav?? Barry this was your Relic’s fault!!

Edward and Lydia’s bonds can make the Bond Engine run Very Well

Fisher still finds Johann cause it hears his music and proceeds to hang out around him cause it likes his songs. Johann is distressed cause invisible force is eating his music and suddenly he can’t remember his songs but also he realizes it likes his songs so he gives it concerts.

Johann and Possible Eldritch Creature Friendship ™

Then Fisher splashes Johann and suddenly HOLY SHIT JELLYFISH cause he ended up drinking some ichor. but he’s the only one who can see them??

Key Plot Points

Edward and Lydia try using the Animus Bell to bass-boost the Bond Engine to summon Keats. (I also like the idea of Edward-Davenport studying manuals trying to figure out extra-planar physics and being like, “HAVING THE KNOWLEDGE DOESN’T MAKE ME UNDERSTAND IT”)

Either they tear a gigantic hole between planes or Magic Cycle it and drag the Astral Plane into the Prime Material Plane. 

The baby Voidfish! Johann co-raising Junior. Possibly Johann writing a song so good, the Voidfish ends up broadcasting the song and EVERYTHING LUCRETIA VOIDED. There is some chaos.

All of Faerun know the Birds and that a terrible horror is coming. I admit I haven’t thought of how the general populace reacts to this knowledge as much but Lu-Lydia and Daven-ward take advantage of their bods’ sudden celebrity status.

This is earlier so Governor Kalen hasn’t gotten his revenge on Raven’s Roost yet. Magnus remembers and Julia lives dang it. They team up to go and find the Relics and the other birds.

Merle had already left home and parleys, trying to reunite the birds (he can’t summon the undead - or else would he summoned Lup right? - so he fears the worst when he can’t contact Barry, Lucretia or Davenport.)

I can’t decide when Taako is at this point but he’s on a war path LUCRETIA. (He might deflect from the THB and go off with Barry to search for Lup later on??)

Tres Horny Boys and Julia are back together and go relic hunting (they probably head for the Chalice first since that’s the one they know where is)

Lucretia and Davenport probably try steering Kravitz away from the THB in case they suffer divine retribution.

The THB+1 run into Lu-Lydia and Daven-ward without knowing about the possession.

That’s all I have so far (I can’t figure out how Lup fits in ;; !) - I’m not planning on doing anything with this but I’m having fun with it

#daily davenport #davenport taz #madame director lucretia #edward and lydia #johann taz #long post #kravitz #magnus terry burnsides #merle hitower highchurch #Taako Tacco the Wizard (y'know from tv?) #barry j bluejeans #taz balance #thezonecast #if angus is here he's like four and the world's babiest detective #mod podge #252 #sorry it's not the usual fare but this blog ends up being me having fun and sometimes y'all like it too a good portion of the time?? sorry #There's like four plots going on but Davenport's A-Plot

[soulscaped]

                                                    𝒔𝒂𝒈𝒆      𝒅𝒂𝒗𝒆𝒏𝒑𝒐𝒓𝒕     ,     @luneextra​     .

(    victoria  pedretti,  cis  woman,  she/her    )      i  saw  sage  davenport  walking  down  the  streets  of  lune  de  sang  the  other  day  ,  doing  whatever  A  LOUNGE  SINGER  (  MORDRE  )  does  .  don’t  be  fooled  by  their  appearance  ,  even  though  the  25  (  94  )  year  old  seems  quite  GLAMOROUS  ,  they’re  actually  really  VOLATILE  .  whenever  i  see  them  i  just  think  of  long  sparkling  gowns  ,  perfectly  placed  curls  ,  and  the  blinding  of  spotlights  .

001.

current  legal  name  :  sage  marie  davenport  .

age  :  eternally  twenty  five  ,  actually  ninety  four  .

gender  :  cis  woman  .

pronouns  :  she  /  her  .

orientation  :  homosexual  .

occupation  :  lounge  singer  for  mordre  .

virtues  :  glamorous  ,  empathetic  .

vices  :  volatile  ,  materialistic  .

likes  :  singing  ,  spending  exorbitant  amounts  of  money  on  shiny  objects  ,  lack  of  responsibility  ,  fresh  blood  off  the  tap  .

dislikes  :  silence  ,  being  alone  ,  making  messes  /  getting  dirty  ,  humans  .

spoken  languages  :  fluent  in  english  and  french  ,  can  read  a  bit  of  spanish  .

alignment  :  chaotic  neutral  .

002.

faceclaim  :  victoria  pedretti  .

eye  color  :  blue  .

hair  color  :  natural  brunette  ,  occasionally  dyes  her  hair  or  uses  wigs  for  mordre  .

dominant  hand  :  right  .

height  :  5′3″

build  :  slim  .

003.

father  :  doesn’t  remember  his  name  anymore  ,  deceased  .

mother  :  doesn’t  remember  her  name  anymore  ,  deceased  .

siblings  :  brother  (  deceased  )  and  sister  (  vampire  ,  location  unknown  )  .

relationship  status  :  single  .

children  :  none  ,  would  have  had  them  if  not  for  being  a  vampire  .

previous  relations  :  tba  ,  potential  plot  wanted  .

004.

sage  doesn’t  remember  anything  about  her  human  life  .  bits  and  pieces  here  and  there  of  things  that  meant  something  to  her  ,  maybe  ,  but  she’s  purposely  done  her  best  to  block  out  the  past  .  her  parents  were  absent  and  judgmental  ,  that  she  remembers  ,  and  refuses  to  carry  their  memory  into  her  new  life  .  her  brother  died  in  his  old  age  and  sage  would  visit  him  ,  pretending  to  be  a  distant  relative  who  looked  like  his  sister  .  part  of  her  wanted  to  offer  to  turn  him  but  she  couldn’t  imagine  him  wanting  to  be  old  forever  .  so  she  let  him  and  her  parents  go  ,  only  holding  onto  her  sister  for  dear  life  as  much  as  possible  throughout  the  years  ,  still  ending  up  in  present  time  alone  .

the  night  she  turned  was  a  changing  point  .  she  doesn’t  use  her  human  name  anymore  ,  wanting  to  embrace  her  new  life  and  all  the  perks  that  come  with  it  ,  including  to  be  anyone  she  wants  .  there  was  a  snowstorm  and  she’d  found  herself  stranded  ,  accepting  she’d  either  freeze  to  death  or  starve  .  instead  ,  she  was  given  an  opportunity  by  a  kind  stranger  -  a  shot  at  immortal  life  .  at  first  ,  she  didn’t  want  it  ...  the  thought  of  being  alive  forever  made  her  uneasy  .  that  was  until  she  realized  how  much  she’d  be  able  to  learn  ,  how  she’d  be  able  to  watch  the  world  change  in  her  time  still  in  it  and  perhaps  she’d  earn  a  new  freedom  or  two  .  so  sage  said  yes  ,  did  exactly  what  the  stranger  told  her  to  do  and  that  was  it  .

she  likes  being  able  to  hold  onto  fashion  memories  and  sentimental  clothing  within  lune  de  sang  ,  a  town  she  decided  to  settle  down  in  about  ten  years  ago  .  sage  learned  about  it  from  other  vampires  she’d  met  but  with  wanting  to  travel  the  world  and  experience  opportunities  humans  never  could  ,  it  took  her  a  while  to  finally  decide  to  relax  .  when  sage  felt  like  she’d  seen  everything  she  could  for  the  next  few  centuries  ,  she  packed  up  everything  she  had  and  moved  to  lune  de  sang  .  feeling  like  she  belonged  again  was  all  the  motivation  it  took  and  sage  adored  the  town  .

in  her  human  years  she’d  been  on  the  radar  as  an  up  and  coming  singer  ,  which  is  what  attracted  her  to  the  lounge  singer  position  at  mordre  .  she’s  always  loved  singing  but  caught  a  lot  of  judgement  for  it  as  a  human  ,  constantly  being  pressured  to  marry  and  have  children  .  sage  refused  to  do  any  of  those  things  ,  especially  because  she  didn’t  feel  the  same  way  toward  men  as  other  women  did  .  with  her  position  at  mordre  ,  she  likes  to  be  very  glamorous  -  always  in  long  sparkly  gowns  with  her  hair  curled  and  maybe  a  wig  or  contacts  if  it’s  a  special  occasion  .  

as  far  as  the  town  rules  go  ,  sage  loves  them  .  she  doesn’t  like  to  kill  or  get  her  hands  dirty  (  only  because  she  hates  doing  all  the  hard  work  and  ruining  her  outfit  )  ,  which  makes  her  appreciative  that  the  town  is  focused  on  keeping  peace  .  she  doesn’t  have  anywhere  else  she  wants  to  go  so  she’s  happy  to  have  settled  down  in  lune  de  sang  and  have  a  job  she  thoroughly  enjoys  .

personality  wise  ,  she’s  a  little  bonkers  .  she’s  been  through  a  lot  and  has  a  hard  time  trusting  people  around  her  .  sage  likes  to  have  fun  and  always  does  anything  with  an  emphasis  that  she  has  so  much  freedom  that  would  never  have  existed  if  she  stayed  a  human  .  she’s  very  emotional  and  can  snap  if  you  even  attempt  to  raise  your  voice  ...  but  snapping  really  just  means  she’ll  raise  her  voice  back  with  some  tears  .  she’s  pretty  friendly  to  everyone  she  meets  and  can  talk  for  hours  on  end  ,  so  make  sure  you’ve  got  a  free  day  if  she  stops  you  on  the  sidewalk  for  a  chat  .  absolutely  adores  attention  and  the  spotlight  ,  but  only  really  when  it’s  in  mordre  ,  as  she’s  a  bit  reclusive  outside  of  work  .  probably  has  a  betta  fish  because  it’s  a  pet  she  has  zero  desire  to  munch  on  and  doesn’t  like  “holier  than  thou”  vampires  .

i’ll  be  sending  in  a  sister  connection  for  her  at  some  point  but  wanted  plots  include  the  stranger  who  turned  her  ,  friends  / enemies  pre  luna  de  sang  ,  friends  /  enemies  post  moving  to  luna  de  sang  ,  frequent  customers  of  mordre  that  like  her  singing  ,  past  relationships  ,  etc  !

#lune.intro

[thelowlysatsuma]

alright dipsticks, hear me out

taz balance au where everything is the same except that lucretia and barry have each others’ farspeech frequencies

it all starts about a year after lucretia voidfishes the plane. she’s poking around goldcliff, hoping to find some way to con some rich shit into paying for her gigantic moon base, when she runs — literally runs headfirst — into some bespectacled nerd in denim

barry, for his part, doesn’t know why this complete stranger is offering to buy him lunch as an apology for spilling his Fantasy Starbucks all over his oldass shirt, but he sure as shit isn’t complaining. especially when something, something about this kid feels so... familiar

in a spur of the moment decision, lucretia gives him her farspeech number. barry doesn’t think anything of it at the time

...anything, that is, until he’s rising, spectral and flickering, over his battered corpse, and he begins laughing hysterically, tears glimmering in long-gone eye sockets. he may not have lup back, but he’s got his little sister.

so they start texting. is barry furious at lucretia for what she’s done? sure, a bit. but he understands her logic, and his temper is soothed when she point-blank tells him that she’s going to help him find lup. they may be working against each other as far as the relics are concerned, but if lucretia can locate at least one more shred of her former family, then by god is she going to. barry understands, he thinks, and so they help keep each other a little less lonely over a long ten years

lucretia keeps barry updated on how the other birds are doing, as best she can. they rejoice together as magnus and julia take back raven’s roost, and when glamour springs is shadowed by a mass poisoning barry has to do everything up to physically restraining lucretia from beating the ass of whichever motherfucker did that to taako. wait, he tells her. physical pain is temporary. a lich, on the other hand, is in a prime position to make some douche’s life a living hell. lucretia grins and offers to fund his plots in any way she can.

barry, for his part, keeps lucretia up-to-date on the search for lup. they have matching little cork boards in their respective offices, each filled with maps and theories and half-baked what-ifs. they aren’t any closer to finding out what happened to her, but they will. they have to.

speaking of things happening, barry is the first one to find lucretia after wonderland. he hadn’t been able to reach her for a month, and so when he feels the enormous surge of pure magical despair explode outwards from the felicity wilds, he transports himself there as quickly as he can. he finds his baby sister at the centre of a mile-wide crater, twenty years older and countless sacrifices poorer, and he holds her as gently as he can without physical hands, and makes her promise to never deal with wonderland again. fuck, he’ll get the animus bell for her, he doesn’t care. he just can’t see lucretia in that state ever again. (never again, that’s what they told themselves, in a group huddle late one night the dawn of cycle 66. he’d failed her once. he couldn’t do it again.)

as she builds up the bureau, lucretia starts getting questions about her best friend on the stone. lucas asks her point blank who it is one day early in their acquaintance, and she answers “b- uh, b-j” “that tells me basically nothing. what does that even stand for?” lucas demands. “uh,” lucretia says, “🅱️amazing jrace”

thus begins a fine tradition of bureau employees trying to get any info they can on the mysterious “bj”, including his actual name. so far some of the top answers they’ve gotten from madame director include “bitchin jackass” “burger joint” “beetlejuice” and “banjo jimboree”. once, robbie asks her if he’s her secret lover, and lucretia has to summon a bucket before retching in disgust, which puts paid to that particular theory fairly succinctly

barry, for his part, adores these rumours. he keeps asking if lucretia will lift the lich barrier, just for a day, so he can come and stir up even more shit. lucretia, while admittedly very tempted, denies.

when he finds out that lucretia has been telling bureau employees that the red robes are evil, barry is understandably insulted. the next group of regulators that touch the ground are covered in fantasy cheez whiz for the duration of their mission.

lucretia gets him back by replacing all the denim in the jeans at his base with silly string. barry moves bases, and the prank war escalates

(no one has the courage to tell madame director that her hair has been turned rainbow at the last candlenights party. privately, lucretia thinks she looks bitchin)

every now and again, lucretia will text barry in a panic. these texts tend to look like this:

“barry.” “barold aid me” “barry I fucked shit up real good this time” “barry” “barry” “barry I was at the fantasy Olive Garden and the waiter said ‘enjoy your meal’ and I said ‘you too’ barry kill me n o w “

barry can and will mock lucretia mercilessly for this. he also insists for weekly video updates on fisher and junior.

he also has biweekly fantasy skype sessions with davenport

booyah: I saw a woman so beautiful I started crying???

bear-old: oh mood

booyah: and then I hired her and her son (who’s a little bitch) to work on my secret moon base and I think I’ve made a terrible mistake???????

bear-old: oh my fucking god this is why I don’t trust you to stop the apocalypse

when the thb start working as reclaimers, barry demands weekly updates on them, as well. it goes about as well as you’d expect

booyah: magnus ate the philosopher’s stone

bear-old: he fucking w h a t ?

booyah: he used the glutton’s fork, and he ATE the philosopher’s stone. taako and merle used stone skin and stone shape to get the damn thing out. happy fucking candlenights.

when barry finds out that taako’s DATING the fool who’s been chasing after him wile e coyote style for over a decade, he loses his s h i t. he and lucretia have a girls’ night where they bitch about taako and eat shitty chocolate to cope

bear-old: you HIRED a BABY???

booyah: he’s ten! that’s plenty old. and he’s certainly competent, seeing as he found my organization when even you couldn’t.

bear-old: creesh please. please do not Irreparably Fuck Up A Small Child

booyah: hey, at least I’m not the one who threw him off a moving train!

bear-old: I never threw anyone off a

bear-old: lucretia

bear-old: who

bear-old: who in your employ threw ANGUS MCDONALD, a LITERAL CHILD, off of a MOVING. VEHICLE?

booyah:

booyah: taako

bear-old: fucking fantasy CHRIST

(they have quite a few girls’ nights eating shitty chocolate and razzing on taako, actually)

team sweet flips goes to the director’s office one day to give a status report and find her red-eyed and coughing. she says she has allergies. the cute cat video barry just texted her on her stone, however, begs to differ

lucretia preps the boys for refuge, yes, but her mind is filled with texts and tomes and the letters “l u p” carved into a bureau wall. she passes countless sleepless nights with barry on the line, trying to decipher what it all means

but they emerge from the woven gulch unscathed, and that can only mean one thing: wonderland

she doesn’t tell barry where she’s sending them. she can’t let him interfere out of some misguided attempt to save her from the place. her texts grow few and far between

she doesn’t have to tell barry. he knows

the day they get sent out, as lucretia breaks down in her office, surrounded by a dizzying vastness that could envelop her very being if she would just let it, her stone buzzes.

four words: I’ll keep them safe

and then?

well, then it’s the end of the world

(but when lup emerges from her decade-long cage, phantasmal and resplendent, lucretia and barry share a look)

(and when the hunger is consuming the only home she knows and she’s flying out in one last attempt to face is, barry is on her stone)

(and when the dust settles and they’re finally, finally free, when the world hears a story and a song and former and current bureau employees alike learn just how important the mysterious “bj” really is, when lucretia looks at the wreckage of her life’s work and home and family — when all that happens, barry is the one to beckon to her with open arms.)

(they’ve been beside the other for a hundred and ten years, after all. that’s not gonna fucking change now.)

anyways yeah folks barry and lucretia texting au play with me in this space

@littlemisscritical @thatcoldfeeling and you know what? @herbgerblin what the hell

#taz #the adventure zone #taz balance #lucretia taz #taz lucretia #taz barry #barry taz #taz the director #the director taz #lucretia the adventure zone #the adventure zone lucretia #barry the adventure zone #the adventure zone barry #barry bluejeans #barry j bluejeans #madam director #madame director #thezonecast #taz au #seven birds #taz ipre #taz red robes #taz lup #taz taako #taz magnus #taz merle #taz killian #taz carey #taz noelle #taz davenport

[tibby]

I miss your fever dream-like rants Tibby! Please post more stuff the world misses you!

oh well thank you very much. unfortunately the only thing i have a lot of thoughts on right now is playchoices because even when i am off doing things and seeing sights i still make time for my little pixel friends. anyway i'm absolutely fascinated by the way they write these books sometimes like what's the point of doing multi love interest stories if you're going to continuously force one of them on me even if i'm with someone else. like open heart is fun but your dynamic with ethan is INSANE if he's not your LI (and i'm a bryce gal) like imagine if your boss/kind-of-friend-even-though-he's-annoying came up to you and was like "wanna engage in bdsm so i stop feeling bad about the fact i keep breaking hospital rules." like HELLO? what is this??? i've seen people complain about the royal romance for forcing prince on you in the first two books but that at least made SENSE for the story given that it's based on you trying to win his hand in marriage and you haven't exactly told him you're in love with someone else and you decide to wait until he proposes to do it. and then it's never brought up again except for that scene during your bachelorette party when you can hook up with your past crushes but it's not like drake walker is asking if he can tie me up after i've made it clear i'm with hana. on a side note i've seen drake playthroughs and they're really trying to act as if that man is dominant in bed? he's getting pegged every other night don't kid yourself. but i digress! i think all multi LI books would benefit from being more like mother of the year which allowed you to flirt around or commit to one person and every diamond scene was vague enough that it could be friendly or romantic and then by the end you could date one person or all or nobody. THAT'S fun! but on the other hand i think some of their single LI books fall flat because they don't bother to make the LI in question likeable and yes i am talking about the nanny affair. then again i suppose this can be a problem with the multi LI books too given that AME had such a fun cast and then your four love interests were the most boring characters until they decided last minute that you could marry bianca or slater, but only if you leave your current fiance/e at the altar. anyway it's just so baffling to me when playing them because there's no REASON for them to push weird scenes onto you if you're not pursuing that character romantically, especially since it seems to be more of a problem in their newer books than the older ones. also wait sorry this is already nonsense to most of you but i just remembered queen b where it SHOULD be considered a multi LI book given that you can get with zoe OR your professor, and then you can also have sex with like, half your classmates, but then the entire plot revolved around your "Affair" with this professor which like...not everyone romanced them!!! i admit that i did because i thought it would be fun but honestly they were just kind of annoying and whiny. actually all of the ~older~ LIs in choices tend to be annoying and whiny which could be a commentary on something but i think pixelberry actually thinks it's romantic. ultimately i think despite its many flaws the freshman series is probably the best multi LI story post the first book because it's pretty equal and also becca davenport is THE woman of playchoices like how did they manage to do an enemies to friends to lovers storyline so well in one of their most boring books!!!! crazy. anyway i hope ethan gets fired for his medical malpractice i'm sick of him.

#ask #anonymous #playchoices #i have THOUGHTS!!!!! #on the bright side desire and decorum is fun so far

[magnoliapip]

Ranked: Mother of the Year (Choices) Main Characters

I can’t sleep so that means I need to make another list that I’m not going to proofread before I post, right? Of course it does. But before we start, please remember this is my opinion on who I liked best. Not who impacted the story the most, not who was the best written fictional character of all time, yada yada. This is my personal opinion of the characters I liked best.

Spoilers WILL be featured below. You have been warned.

#13 -- Tallulah Copeland

Tallulah is a parent to a child at Bernhardt Academy, a friend of Vanessa Blackwood, and an active member of the PTA. Hugo is her partner.

This woman. I would flat forget this woman existed until she would show up again just to wreak havoc on MC’s day, usually at someone else’s urging. Every single time she spoke, I just wanted it to be over and she is just an awful, AWFUL person. She’s also the only awful person in this book who never pretends to be nice and/or never apologizes for her actions. Just an all around nasty person.

#12 -- Hugo

Hugo is a parent of a child at Bernhardt Academy and an active member of the PTA. Tallulah is his significant other.

If you’re actually reading these little blurbs, you have to be wondering “MagnoliaPip? How in the hell is Hugo ranked lower than two other unmentionables in this story?”

Thank you for asking, no one ever.

Put frankly, Hugo just annoyed the crap out of me. I know that’s supposed to be part of his character, but it went above and beyond the scope of acceptable annoyance. I grew to hate every second he was speaking. He never really contributed anything to the plot other than some irritating drivel. He wasn’t an antagonist, but he also wasn’t a pleasing good guy. He’s also the reason I’m considering not re-reading this book again right away like I want to.

#11 -- Guy Ledford

This man. This. Man. THIS MAN!

This part is going to include major spoilers, y’all, so if you haven’t read it and are still intending to, skip away now!! Again, major spoilers from here on out kids.

Guy Ledford is your main character’s ex-husband who has been absent for four years since the start of the book and wants to reconnect with his daughter. He is also a CEO of a snack food company/app, Nomme. He is the main antagonist of the book.

The reason I didn’t rank him lower is he genuinely adds something to the plot. He IS the plot. He’s the reason this book exists. However, he is such a scumbag he deserves nothing. He feels like a trope for quite a lot of the time, but at least he’s not physically abusive like a true trope could have been (at least, I never noticed him being physically abusive). Just, you know, a gaslighting, manipulative, arrogant, rude, selfish son of a-

I also love that they named him “Guy”. I’ve only ever met one man named this in my life, so it’s funny to me that they named this jerk “Guy” so it’s not only the most generic sounding name (did his parents also get a dog named “Dog” and a cat named “Kitty”?), but also one that a lot of men won’t likely have so they don’t have to get name checked in relation to him.

I like that you can get a good outcome (Guy ends up with joint custody with visitations  every weekend and having to back pay) without spending diamonds in this game as long as you make the right choices, but for those who DID spend all of the diamonds, I would have liked to have seen Guy end up with worse. I would have liked to see, if you made most of the right choices and bought all of the diamond stuff, him ending up with every other weekend or maybe just visitation. I know he’s trying to be a good dad (but still an absolutely terrible human being), but every weekend seems like so much when your daughter is in school.

#10 -- Augustus Blackwood

August Blackwood is one of Vanessa Blackwood’s sons and is a student at Bernhardt Academy.

I’m not going to spend a lot of time on this one. But he hurt my daughter and that’s enough. I would have liked to have seen him fleshed out a little bit more beyond being basically just a schoolyard bully. His motivations for his actions are hinted on, but nothing is really ever done and he’s mostly just a prop for something to hurt your daughter.

#9 -- Vanessa Blackwood

Vanessa Blackwood is the president of the PTA, a single mom, and a lawyer and becomes an antagonist to your character.

I’m probably going to get hate for this, but I want to like Vanessa. Obviously, she’s hateful and offensive, in some very, very unredeemable ways, but there’s something about characters like that which makes me want to forgive them and teach them how to be better. How to rehabilitate their bitterness. I felt it with Olivia Nevrakis, I felt it with Victoria Fontaine, and I know certain people in the fandom felt it with Becca Davenport and Poppy Min-Sinclair. 

**DISCLAIMER** Keep in mind, I’m not trying to excuse homophobia and racism here. They are both despicable things and should be accounted for. However, after having grown up in a homophobic and racist home and learning to leave that shit in the dust by the time I was eighteen and SLOWLY teaching my family to do the same over the course of the last 10 years, I believe people can change if you give them room and help to. Not everyone will, not many people will, but I believe in giving the chance. We need to force people to take responsibility and learn from their mistakes. Should the book have been approved as a series rather than a stand alone, I think this might have been a very real option within book 2.

#8 -- Ajax “AJ” Blackwood

Ajax Blackwood is one of Vanessa Blackwood’s sons and a student at Bernhardt Academy.

AJ is the quieter of the Blackwood boys, AJ is a shy kid who hates that his brother is mean just as much as your daughter does. He finally has enough within the book and stands up to him, which was more than a little satisfying and he does seem to have a genuinely good heart. I think it would be so cute for him, your daughter, and Luz to be their own adorable trio of friends. 

#7 -- Levi Schuler

Levi Schuler is your neighbor who helps save the day for MC early on in the book and becomes a friend to both her and your daughter. He is also one of your love interests.

And if this list is going to invoke hate from the masses, it will be this entry that does it. I know how loved Levi is. And I love him too! I just find him, and his musician plot, to be a bit tiring. He’s a wonderfully supportive friend/love interest, just about one of the nicest people, and he’s great with your daughter. I swear, all of the love interests in this book would be god tier in any book. It’s truly unfair to the others that we got three amazing ones here along with a great cast of characters. However, since that did happen, Levi will sit here at #7. He can have a consolatory rugelach while I continue on.

#6 -- Faye Devore

Faye Devore is your ex-husband’s new girlfriend, a younger social media influencer.

I loved Faye. Right from the start, I loved Faye. I prayed they weren’t going to make this into one of those books where we were supposed to hate the “other woman” because those plots are old, outdated, and overused. Thankfully, MOTY lets us skirt right around it and we end up with a wonderful character like Faye, who is the human definition of having the best intentions.

She gets on well with your daughter, even pointing out to MC at one point that she thinks of her like a little sister, and goes above and beyond to make her happy. She is genuinely upset about going against MC’s wishes about your daughter appearing on social media and doesn’t appear to want to cause any harm or hard feelings with MC at any point during the book. In fact, she wants to be friends. 

I would have loved for this and for it to be fleshed out more, again, if we had ever gotten a book 2. I’m also that jerk who would have totally romanced her in a replay and would have emptied my wallet to get a scene in that hypothetical book 2 where Guy finds out. Take that homophobe!

#5 -- Dr. Eiko Matsunaga

Dr. Eiko Matsunaga is a science teacher who teaches at the private school your daughter goes to and becomes friendly with MC because of your daughter. She is also one of your love interests.

If I would have had a teacher like Dr. Matsunaga when I was in school, maybe I would have cared about science at any point during my childhood. Eiko is so incredibly smart but has a heart of gold. She could be off teaching at colleges or writing published journals, but she’s teaching elementary science at a private school and honestly enjoying herself! She wants to see children succeed and will give any child who wants to do so, like your daughter, all of the help they need.

I want to romance her. I want to be her friend. I want it all because I’m selfish even when I don’t because I could never possibly be worthy of the supremacy that is Eiko. Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

#4 -- Your Daughter / Zoey

Your daughter is 9 years old at the start of the book and desperately wants to be an astronaut. She is a science whiz and moves from public school to Bernhardt Academy at the beginning of the book to kickstart her education.

It makes me so sad that I will never actually have this child. “Zoey” is just so smart and funny and sweet and I love her so much. I spent so many diamonds on her. She’s a pixelated little bundle of amazing and I would die for her. That’s it.

#3 -- Alma Velasco

Alma Velasco is your neighbor, best friend, and (for part of the time) co-worker.

What did our character do to deserve such an amazing ride-or-die friend like Alma? She never disbelieves MC, is forever supportive as a shoulder to cry on and a supplier of good wine, and also helps MC out of more than one pinch. Seriously an amazing friend, and I wish we could have done something equally amazing for her to reciprocate.

#2 -- Thomas Mendez

Thomas Mendez is a lawyer and a single dad who becomes friends with MC very early on in the book. He is also one of your three love interests.

A big reason for why Thomas is at #2 is because of who #1 is but we’ll get there in a second.

There’s also something about Thomas that speaks to me as a person. It’s more than just being interested as a love interest or as a friend. There’s something about who he is. His awkwardness, his humor, his kindness and his generosity all make him someone I envy as much as I admire.

He takes on MC’s case pro bono when he doesn’t have to. He shrugs it off like it’s no big deal, but stepping back and looking at the it, by all accounts he was walking into a handily losing situation. He was also super busy at this time being a single parent himself and working on his class action lawsuit. That’s not even saying anything about him still grieving for Soledad.

However, the biggest reason I love Mr. Mendez is...

#1 -- Luz Mendez

Luz Mendez is a student at Bernhardt Academy who becomes best friends with your daughter early in the book. She is a soccer and art fan.

This little girl is the best thing I have ever read in my entire life. She made the entire book. Every character that came before her pales in comparison to her majesty. She is a goddamn queen and deserves everything.

Every scene with her is gold and I wish we had more. This little girl was completely willing to curb stomp someone with her cleats at the courthouse if something would have happened to your daughter. She is so aggressively herself and it is a joy to see. The relationship between her and her father is what really kept me going through the book’s more difficult spots. There is such true love and acceptance there, as well as the drive and desire to do better for the other than I just...There is really no way for me to properly explain the perfection that is Luz Mendez so I guess you’ll just have to read it yourself.

---

I’m not sure why it took me so long to start reading Mother of the Year (MOTY), but I’m so glad I did. In 3 days flat I binged the entire book, wasted so many accumulated diamonds, and had the time of my life. The cast of characters in MOTY is perfect and I wanted to rank them according to my opinion on which ones were the best. I ranked all of the characters I found to be profound enough to matter to the storyline or that MC or “Daughter” had enough interactions with to matter. As a result, there are several characters who didn’t make this list. 

Sound off below if you wish.

#choices spoilers #choices mother of the year #moty #choices moty #mother of the year #luz mendez #thomas mendez #levi schuler #eiko matsunaga #alma velasco #guy ledford #faye devore #vanessa blackwood #mother of the year spoilers #moty spoilers #spoilers

[leo-dooley-lab-rats]

Leo’s Role Throughout Lab Rats

So this is my basically my excuse to just write big overblown essay on Leo’s best moments throughout Lab Rats. As he does have really big moments and is key player throughout the show. He just goes unnoticed.

I am going to talk about season one and two as it’s own thing then the Marcus Storyline. I think it’s important to separate the two as it Marcus plot-line crosses over into season two. That is how I am going to handle storylines and season moments. As two separate things. Until season four as it does not have much of overarching storyline like with Marcus and Krane stuff.

We do have Gisele but she shows up later into the game. I will be putting the island stuff that happens in season three in with season four. Those couple episodes feel more like apart of season four than they do apart of season three.

Season one and Two

The standout moments of season two and three. I took the moments that seemed to define or reveal something about his character. So, I might miss a few moments here and there.

There is the first episode where Leo essentially after just meeting Adam, Bree, and Chase just accepts as his friends. He takes them to school and looks out for them. He gets very upset when they forced to leave and ecstatic when they found a way to stay. He goes as far as throwing there first party and risking his life at a waste dump to save them.

In Back to the Future, Leo pushing Adam, Bree, and Chase out is the way saving their lives. In the process, he misses his date with Jenelle. In future before Leo saved Adam, Bree, and Chase, he married Jenelle. This shows that Leo puts his family before himself. This something that show by Leo time and time again, but this is the first time we see it.

There is the moment where Leo becomes mission specialist in season two in the episode, Missin’ the Mission. The episode shows that Leo while not book smart like Chase or Mr. Davenport it shows that Leo is out of a box thinker. He comes up with solution that is very unorthodox but, works.

Quarantined, Leo did everything he could to Bree back to Lab after she snuck out. Since she wasn’t suppose to leave the Lab. This is just another example of Leo looking out for Adam, Bree, and Chase.

There is the Parallel Universe episode where Leo does miss up quite a bit, but ends up making that version of Mr. Davenport’s life better by making him believe himself. The episode does put Leo on his own against the world with small help from one or two people. It also shows what it might be like for Leo to have bionics. We saw a bit of that with Bionic Birthday Fail, but here it’s more of the focus of the episode.

The episode also just shows Leo bias towards his family. Leo doesn’t even consider that Adam, Bree, and Chase in this universe might not be his family or even friends. He just walks on up to them and acts like they are friends. After realizing they are not, he just expects them to accept him with the bionics and all. That’s how he got into all that trouble on that other earth.

For the storyline moments, I am going to use the same time I used for moments of each seasons, if the moment is character defining or reveals something about Leo. I am also adding the role, if it’s a big moment in the episodes. As stated earlier, Leo has had a lot of big moments in the storylines and I want to highlight them.

Marcus Conflict

Let’s take a look at the Marcus conflict, Leo is THE biggest key player in the whole thing. He is the one who figures out that Marcus is up to no good and tries to prove it to his family. First one to have a confrontation with him in Leo vs Evil. He is the one who show up right at the end of Bionic Showdown in the exosuit which helps save the day.

The whole conflict at least on Leo’s end shows just how clever he is and what he will do for his family. Leo is clearly someone who do anything for his family and those he cares about. Leo does everything he can to look out and protect his family from Marcus.

Leo shows time and time again in this conflict, he has very out of box ideas and solutions to problems. By coming up with ways to outsmart Marcus. They might not always work, but they are ideas that most people would not think of. Despite not having bionics in many ways, I see the pair as equals. As Marcus cannot kills or hurt Leo all that much without raising suspicion.

Krane Conflict

Onto the Krane conflict. I will be putting all parts of his conflict in this. As it’s just easier than breaking up into Douglas and Krane and Just Krane. I will be keeping the same rule as before with the Marcus conflict.

Leo figures out that Douglas is alive right before he blows up he Lab in No Going Back. This again shows Leo’s cleverness. Leo is usually the one who figures things out. Even before Leo starts putting the pieces together, there is just a nice scene of Leo and his stepdad comforting each other. As they both blame themselves for Adam, Bree, and Chase leaving.

Swim or Sink, Leo helps bring Mr. Davenport out his runt after losing everything in episode No Going Back. This is just scene a scene that shows the bond that has formed between the two. It also shows the amount of faith he has in Mr. Davenport’s abilities.

In the same episode, Leo talks Chase down from the triton app. This moment shows the bond between Chase and Leo. When Leo is shouting “where is my brother, Chase?! Where is he?!” I just feel that. I don’t even think Leo is trying to save his skins as much he trying to save Chase’s.

In Taken, Leo helps come up with solution to save him and his mother from death trap set by Krane. This is another moment of Leo showing his downright clever out of box thinking. Leo may not be as smart as Chase or Mr. Davenport but, he more than makes up for it with his ideas. Leo thinks in a way that is just downright clever. He just a great problem solver.

There is another moment in Taken, where Douglas appeals to Leo about warning his family about Krane. This scene is the one of first scenes where Douglas is shown to be not in control of the situation. Leo while at first untrusting is willing to hear Douglas out and by the end willing to do as he asks. This more a scene for Douglas’ character but it shows that Douglas does recognize that Leo is able to figure this kind of things out.

Leo is the one who brings Douglas to the Lab to fix Bree in which Father Knows Best. After seeing that his stepdad cannot fix his sister, Leo makes a choice to go to only other person who can. Leo does not cars what Mr. Davenport will say. All he wants is to help his sister. Leo is willing to go to someone that he doesn’t necessary trust to help her. It just show the kind of lengths Leo will go to help his family.

In You Posted What?!, Leo has couple moments. He tries to come up with a way to spin the video, but it was too late. That’s a smaller moment, but shows more of his cleverness and Leo looking out for his family.

There is the way that Douglas and Leo get away. Leo uses the fact the floor opens up and is basically a basement to escape. He counts on the fact that government guys won’t know that. It works too. Leo is just plane genius here. It’s a small moment, but it’s really clever the more you think about it.

Leo in the whole of You Posted What?! with Douglas figure out what’s actually going with Krane. It’s not just Leo and there are some nice smaller moments of the two. Leo does take Kane out after getting bionics, in You Posted What?!. This just a big crazy moment that I just love.

In Rise of the Secret Soldier, when the team breaks up. Leo appears to be doing his best to keeping the peace. It’s clear that Leo is not going to pick a side, and when Leo even states “you can break up the team, but you are not breaking up my family.” It shows that Leo does not care about heroics and bionics as much as he care for his family.

Leo takes out S-1 in Rise of the Secret Soldiers. This is just a big moment that I love. It’s almost poetic justice for S-1 as she dropped the beam on his arm.

He saves Mr. Davenport with his energy transference in Bionic House Party. This again just shows how much he willing to do for his family. He doesn’t even know if it will work or not. He just does it because it’s the only chance Mr. Davenport has.

Season Three

The standout moments in season three. I am using the same role I used for season one and two. This are moments that seem to define or reveal something about Leo.

In Mission: Mission Creek High, Leo and Jenelle are having relationship trouble. She thinks he is cause of lot her bad luck which very true. She does say that he likes him. At the end of the episode, Leo ends up having to cover Adam and Bree who are a stoping a missile. It shows the doomed nature of their relationship.

Leo and Jenelle do make up by the episode’s end but, with Leo family comes first. The Bionic world of his family and normal world of Jenelle will always be in conflict as long as it was a secret. After the secret is out, their relationship seems like it will actually work out. Before Leo has choose between Jenelle and his family. Now it seems he can have the best of both worlds.

Merry Glitchmas, Leo defends Mr. Davenport to his Grandmother by saying he is good father. It’s a moment that I love. In the first season Mr. Davenport was trying very hard to connect to Leo and be a father to him, so here when Leo draws the line with his Grandma calling him a “bad father” is just great. It shows how close they have become.

The island and Season Four

The island stuff and season four. Using the role that a moment is something character defining or reveals something about his character. It can also just be just crazy moment in a special. As I am just putting all of season four and island stuff together. As the final season is somewhat plotless.

In Unauthorized Mission, Leo saves Bob and Spin. This a moment where Leo despite his differences with Spin does help him. Leo even sits both Spin and Bob down and explains why they can’t go on missions alone. Leo overall in season four seems to be a voice of reason. He seems to be able to just sit down and talk to people. He sees what’s going on with two parts involved and is able to just talk everyone around. It is a strong level of emotional maturity.

In Bionic Rebellion, Leo not only calms down Spin and Bob. Leo takes the time to actual just talk to them. He see there point of view, but asks them to try and see Mr. Davenport’s. This moment stands out because often times the hero has to fight there way out but here, Leo gets himself out with kindness, understanding, and just talking. This conversation leads to Bob and Spin helping Leo get to his family.

Leo fall into the fight between Adam, Bree, and Chase and the rebels at just the right moment. This isn’t much more than a big fun moment, but his family are happy to see him. It shows they do value his input in a fight.

Leo saves Bree in mission mania. He also begins to see that he doesn’t need to be in the spotlight. It’s something that shows that Leo who had struggled with not getting credit he deserves and even some selfishness, was willing to put that aside to help others.

Save his mom in Forbidden hero. The moment when Leo saves mom, he calms her down by talking to her. The way he said “I am not going to let anything happen to you”. is so powerful to me. Leo cares very deeply about his family and it’s just shines here. Plus, the way Leo took charge of the situation and told Adam what he needed him to do to save Tasha. It showed that Leo is a leader.

Leo also multiple save he did for Adam, Bree, and Chase off screen in Forbidden Hero. The episode shows that Leo is devoted to protecting people and his family. It did show that Adam, Bree, and Chase do value his input in missions to some degree. Still think he is under-appreciated.

Leo saves Mr. Davenport with the Space Elevator. Again just a moment that shows Leo love for his family. It shows the way Leo takes charge and steps up with the situation calls for it.

Leo figures out to get everyone, besides Chase, out of the death trap in Bionic Action Hero. Leo doesn’t do much in the special as he stays behind with Douglas to take care of situation there. Leo is the one who suggests it. During the fight, Leo is the one trying to come up with ways to defeat it. Douglas is almost backing Leo up. The fight showcases Leo thought process and leadership. Leo finds its weakness, comes up with plan, then executes it. There is some fighting between the two, but it all works out.

On the Edge is special that has Leo leave the team, start his own team, injury Taylor(formally S-1), leave the island, then come back save Chase. Finally ending with Leo as the mentor at the school. Leo arc in two part has been building for quite awhile. Leo had clearly been neglected by his family and they do take him for granted.

Leo starting his own team is unique and gives some insight on how the students see Leo. The moment where Taylor is hurt, and Leo leaves is honestly amazing. Leo points out that “Chase’s mistakes never hurt anyone”. Leo’s pride and need to prove himself led him to make that mistake. Yet, in this moment, Leo makes unselfish choice.

Leo when he comes back to save his brother is a powerful one as it’s him overcoming the fear that he will hurt someone again. The arc is nicely put together and I like that finally Leo become a Mentor. Even if not for long.

And There Were Four, Leo has more of standout moment where he talks to Daniel. Leo throughout season four has been a voice of reason and compassion. After Daniel runs off, Leo just talks to him to him. Leo is able to listen Daniel’s side then try and explain Douglas’ side. Leo even tries to cheer Daniel up. All in all, just a nice moment.

Leo saves Mr. Davenport from blowing out into Space and helps close the hole in the dome in Space Colony. This just a big moment where Leo refuses to give up on his family.

In the Vanishing, Leo gets the students and his siblings out of the cage made by Gisele. He also gets the students out of the building in the same episode. This are just moments where Leo does something big and it is overlooked.

Overall, this was just massive excuse to share my Leo Dooley. It also fun to take a look back the kind of impact Leo had on the show as a whole.

#lab rats #leo dooley #leo #adam davenport #bree davenport #chase davenport #donald davenport #douglas davenport #labrats #leodooley #thoughts

[welllpthisishappening]

Ok I think you should totally do a top ten books you’ve read in 2021 but I am also a stranger on the internet so only do it if you really want to!

Oh, anon, you flatter me. As if I wouldn't type up my top 10 most ridiculous read books of 2021 for you, stranger on the internet. Because, can we be honest for a second? I am nothing if not greedy for the opportunity to shout about books and my own opinions, which I absolutely think too highly of.

(But, also, like I know how sports work and can we be honest part two? Some of these books do not know how sports work.)

Under the cut, because this is gonna get long. For realz. With a warning for spoilers because I basically shout about every book’s plot. Also, it should be noted that ridiculous is not necessarily bad. Not to say that these are all good, but I feel like it's a separate classification. I read some real bad books, too. That's a different list, though.

The Favor by Suzanne Wright

Vienna Stratton knew she only had herself to blame. You didn’t let yourself become indebted to a man like Dane Davenport, no matter how badly you needed his help. As his personal assistant, she was very aware that the globally successful CEO was ruthless and unforgiving. Of course, if she’d known he’d request that she be his wife for twelve months, she’d have hesitated in accepting his help. Because what she’d learned from Dane was that the devil wasn’t ugly and terrorising. He was seductive and captivating. He hummed with whispers of temptation – the temptation to sin and surrender, to let him brand and possess you. He awakened every need and fantasy you had. He could even make you love him.

It’s time I admitted something to you guys — I have a horrible weak spot for marriage of convenience stories. As previously discussed, 2021 ensured I lost all shame for what I read, but there’s still a bit of teeth gritting that comes with admitting this because most of the versions of this trope that I’ve read are contemporary and it’s just—no one is mandating marriage in a will. Or saying you can only get your inheritance if you’re married.

At least I assume. I don’t know of any wills gifting me millions. Plus, I’m already married. So—more or less set on that front.

All that said, reading these comes with an inherent sort of second-hand embarrassment since they also usually require a bit of hand-waving to make them believable. (Or not super sketch. Pretty much everyone is faking a marriage with their assistant, it seems.) And this one might have been the worst!best of the bunch.

Vienna’s life was awful. Her parents were dead, her neighbors were very loud (and appeared in her apartment after they argued??? demanding she pick sides???) her foster sister was an emotionally abusive crazy person, her ex-fiance recently had a kid AND NAMED HER VIENNA. And her boss needed her to be his wife. Of course, this book’s hero — Dane, can you believe his name was Dane??? — is emotionally unavailable, constantly ready to point out what a bastard he is (he was, though) and made of a gagillion dollars. Oh, also his dad had been abusive. His dead dad. And his brothers kept trying to break up the fake marriage. So they could get Dane’s inheritance. Which would go to them if he didn’t get married??? Where are these people finding these lawyers to make this happen??

Listen, everything about this story was absurd. The people in it were all pretty terrible. I read the whole thing and gave it four stars on Goodreads. Dane was super into Vienna wearing her wedding rings! He went to the zoo with her! Surprise, he was only a bastard to everyone ELSE. Her neighbors were the absolute worst, though.

Parker by Jillian Quinn

Hockey bad boy. King of Scandals. Hot as puck. Charlotte “Coach” Coachman is the answer to Alex’s problems. His new agent has a soft spot for broken bad boys. And she wants to save Alex’s career. What she didn’t expect was for Alex to test her rules about dating clients—rules she has for a reason. But she should have known a player like Alex would make every effort to break them.

At the end of this book, Charlotte “Coach” Coachman who was so NOT LIKE OTHER GIRLS that she had to remind us of this fact seemingly every other page, had an orgasm apparently so incredible that her gums went numb. Which seems kind of unhealthy, really. Check that out, Coach. It should also be noted that ON MORE THAN ONE OCCASION, Alex and Coach had seriously sports-themed sex where she had, like, a whistle and started using penalty terms and it was super cringe. Where even the fact that I used the word cringe is not as cringe as the sex that they had. Multiple times. Sports-themed sex.

I just really need to make sure you guys understand.

This book also had contrived roommates in that Alex kept getting trashed (read: he was an alcoholic and it was never once addressed) and bringing back teammates to his apartment, so OF COURSE the only solution was to move into Coach’s spare bedroom. Also, she owned the building? To apparently supplement her low-paying job as a sports agent? That’s not important. What was important was that after Alex moved in, this book apparently lost the concept of time. He was going to stay for two weeks. Did he? I’ve got absolutely no idea. Neither did the characters, honestly. Time meant nothing. All that mattered was sports-themed sex. I’m harping on that, I know. But it was so goddamn weird.

Lastly, I am BEGGING sports romance authors to stop making the group of wives and girlfriends dumb idiots. I promise, if they’re married to a hockey player, they know what a line change is.

Puck Me Secretly by Odette Stone

I’ve never been in love. I’ve never had an orgasm, but I’ve faked plenty. I want to experience love.  Real, passionate love. I don’t want to die. It’s funny what blurts out of your mouth when the plane you’re on is going down, and I didn’t hold back with my seat mate when my plane decided to crash. My hysterical confessions didn’t faze the muscular stranger that sat beside me.  In fact, he promised if we survived, he’d give me my first orgasm.   We survived. I came. And then he left without telling me who he was. On the first day of my job, I stood in front of the Vancouver Wolves hockey team and called out a number.  #33. Imagine my shock when he skated forward. Max is an incredible hockey player, whose wild, out-of-control antics have almost derailed his career.  So many secrets shroud his past and continue to threaten his future.   Now he’s my secret.  And that secret could ruin everything.

There was seriously a plane crash in this. As in the plane plummeted to the ground. It landed in a field. That’s how the story started. And it only went down from there. Ah, nailed it! Plane crash jokes. I should have put this list in order because if there was a MOST RIDICULOUS BOOK OF 2021™ this would be it. There’s no way for me to hit on everything that happened. Rory our orgasms-free heroine had just graduated college, only to go back to Vancouver so she could immediately become ASSISTANT GM for her dad’s hockey team. His NHL team! She had no experience. Everyone hated her! Who could be surprised by that?? Lemme tell you, Rory was surprised. And then wouldn’t you know it? Max is her special project because he’s so bad and problematic and they just have to find a way to work together.

I am willing to bend a lot of rules for fake hockey teams, but the rules simply did not exist in this version of Vancouver. So much happened that would NEVER happen in the real world. There was a SWAT team, at one point. Random people were taking over the team. Max got arrested no less than four different times. And they somehow still won the Stanley Cup.

I wrote this in my Goodreads review, which is really where I lost my total mind about everything that happened in this story: I both can and absolutely cannot believe this was a book. A book filled with so much that it is almost impressive. Including a sentence where goals were referred to as points. And the team was "ranked second" in its division. That's not how the NHL works. 

A Secret for a Secret by Helena Hunting

My name is Ryan Kingston, and I’m a rule follower. I’ve never been in a fistfight. I always obey the speed limit. I don’t get drunk, and I definitely don’t pick up random women at bars. Except the night I found out that my whole existence has been a lie. I got drunk. And picked up a stranger. Her name was Queenie, and she was everything I’m not: reckless, impulsive, and chaotic. We did shots and traded secrets. And ended up naked at my place. She left me a thank-you note in the morning and her panties as a parting gift. But no way to contact her. Six weeks later I’m sitting in the first official team meeting of the season, and there she is. I neglected to mention that I’m the goalie for Seattle’s NHL team. And Queenie? Turns out she’s the general manager’s daughter.

I should have known, guys. I should have known. And if we’re being totally honest, part of me definitely knew. Because there is no possible way a book in which the romantic pairing were named King and Queen that it could have ever been anything except absolutely ridiculous. Beginning with that lovely start, we immediately get into the new drama of King’s life. A life he has just learned includes a sister that is actually his mom.

HIS SISTER IS REALLY IS MOM. HIS PARENTS ARE REALLY HIS GRANDPARENTS. KING, YOU DESERVE TO GET MORE THAN DRUNK.

So, naturally Queenie is unattainable™ and King is only slightly put off by this. He’s calling his mom-sister MOMSTER on the reg now, so he’s rather quickly adjusting to his drama. And wouldn’t you know? Queenie’s got drama of her own. She’s got no direction! She’s working for her dad! She got secretly married when she was in college and her dad still doesn’t know!

This was one of those books that was part of a team-wide series and the third book in that series, so other characters kept popping up and they all knew that Queenie and King were definitely into each other. The only person who didn’t was her GM dad. Of course. Until! Queenie goes on the road with the team at one point and she and King are in his hotel room and she’s...had a strawberry milkshake??? See, on the surface you think this is fine. Only King is ALLERGIC TO STRAWBERRIES AND SHE’S JUST SUCKED HIS DICK. I’m not kidding. So he’s, like, going into shock and needs immediate medical attention and it is only THEN that GM dad realizes what is going on. Because he knows what his players are allergic to and it suddenly all clicks and it is as awkward as you think it is.

Until! Part two! Turns out, Queenie isn’t actually as divorced as she thinks. Ex-husband is trying to get married to the woman currently (claiming to be) pregnant with his child. This is the same woman who, in the first book of this series, apparently tried to STEAL SPERM FROM THE TEAM’S STAR to get pregnant. I’m not kidding, part two. So, drama continues to reign supreme, Queenie’s got to get divorced, GM dad is sad she didn’t trust him to tell him she got married, King’s ex-girlfriend shows up hellbent on getting back together and fueled by his grandmother/mother, his momster and GM dad have a moment™ and eventually everyone ignores all that drama so Queenie and King can be married by the epilogue. An epilogue where the now legit ex-husband, who was also in the NHL, gets suspended for 30 games. Which an absolute metric shit ton of games.

The final book in the series was momster and GM dad having an accidental kid. I didn’t read that. I gotta draw the line somewhere.

Heartless King by Maya Hughes

Five years ago, Colm Frost asked me to marry him and I ran. I ran from my painful past too raw and fresh to escape. He was the only one who looked at me like I wasn’t broken and made me believe it. He made me feel it. Now, he’s the hot, angry, hockey player on the mend.  I’m the physiotherapist who’s supposed to get him back on his feet.  I don’t think our night together was what his doctor prescribed, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t dreamt of him every time I close my eyes. I woke up beside him with my body still singing from the way he fanned the flames of my desire, but I couldn’t stay. His lips on my neck. His hands wrapped around my waist. His impressive...ahem, touch leaving me breathless. One moment of wild inhibition and it’s come back to bite me in the butt. Kind of like he did that night. But a baby? Our night was supposed to be a one time thing, closing a door on the future I couldn’t handle.  Will this new bump in the road be everything we needed to find our forever?

There were something like seven books in this series and I read every single one of them. Even this accidental pregnancy one, which is quite possibly my least favorite trope in the entire known world of romantic tropes. But, Laura, you ask — what made it ridiculous? The sports aspect. For the most part, the sports in this series were pretty good. A little unbelievable, but despite the ranting, I’m mostly flexible. Except here. Where Colm was injured and about to lose his spot to some Russian upstart. Ok, fine. Things happen. Except! Again!

Colm works his way back to be practically game-ready and there’s some front office concern that they have to get rid of the Russian upstart to fit him back in the lineup. What is their solution? A five-on-five tryout IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SEASON with all of Colm’s high school friends — this series started with them in college and then progressed to the pros — all of whom play on the same team now, which is very convenient, offering to help and telling front office that if they don’t let Colm play, they’re all going to walk. From their NHL contracts. Which is not how it works.

A middle of the season tryout! Winner takes all for the roster spot! ....No? There are salary caps and roster limits and those contracts Colm’s friends are ready to just totally ignore. I understand the need for drama, but that was a lot. Much like Colm proposing after the tryout that shouldn’t have been a tryout.

Marriage for One by Ella Maise

Jack and I, we did everything backward. The day he lured me into his office-which was also the first day we met-he proposed. You'd think a guy who looked like him-a bit cold maybe, but still striking and very unattainable-would only ask the love of his life to marry him, right? You'd think he must be madly in love. Nope. It was me he asked. A complete stranger who had never even heard of him. A stranger who had been dumped by her fiancé only weeks before. You'd think I'd laugh in his face, call him insane-and a few other names-then walk away as quickly as possible. Well…I did all those things except the walking away part. It took him only minutes to talk me into a business deal…erm, I mean marriage, and only days for us to officially tie the knot. Happiest day of my life. Magical. Pop the champagne… Not. It was the worst day. Jack Hawthorne was nothing like what I'd imagined for myself. I blamed him for my lapse in judgment. I blamed his eyes, the ocean blue eyes that looked straight into mine unapologetically, and that frown on his face I had no idea I would become so fascinated with in time. It wasn't long after he said I was the biggest mistake of his life that things started to change. No, he still didn't talk much, but anyone can string a few words together. His actions spoke the loudest to me. And day after day my heart started to get a mind of its own. One second he was no one. The next he became everything. One second he was unattainable. The next he seemed to be completely mine. One second I thought we were in love. The next it was still nothing but a lie. After all, I was Rose and he was Jack. We were doomed from the very beginning with those names. Did you expect anything else?

Twitter apparently really loves this book. Plus, The Spanish Love Deception, which I adored, has a not-so casual mention of Rose because she’s the character that heroine goes to to get her coffee from every morning. And yet, here I am. Confused. By all of it. Because even with my unashamed love for marriage of convenience this book was about stalking. Stalking veiled in romance, but stalking all the same.

This is what happens: Jack the lawyer sees that Rose — who is very sad™ because she’s lived a very sad life and no one has ever loved her — is only going to get the space for the coffee shop of her dreams from her uncle’s will if she marries someone. She WAS engaged, but the guy split. For reasons no one can understand, especially Rose. She’s sad about it. Real sad. So sad. Much sad. Espresso machines are expensive and she bought them!

Enter Jack the (obviously) emotionally unavailable lawyer with more money than God who one random afternoon is like: HEY ROSE, YOU’RE MOSTLY A STRANGER, BUT I ALSO NEED TO GET MARRIED FOR REASONS I’LL ONLY SORTA EXPLAIN, LETS DO THAT. So they do???? And Jack the lawyer continues to be kinda weird and a little shady, but Rose has got the coffee shop and things are going well. Until! She’s got a leaky brain!!! That’s not a joke. Not a typo. Out of goddamn LEFT FIELD, Rose has got some horrible medical condition, so thank God she got married because Jack the lawyer’s got great health insurance. (this is ROMANTIC) and she’s got to have an operation and he stays with her and sleeps in the hospital chair and her coffee shop is somehow still going strong??? On Madison Avenue??? What sit-down coffee shop on Madison Avenue do you guys know that would succeed? Not a single one because it’s not downtown. No one’s sitting on Madison Avenue. I digress.

Anyway, Rose makes a miraculous recovery, she and Jack the lawyer are now almost in love? At least having a shit ton of sex. They’re mostly happily married. His apartment is very large! Until, part two! The ex-fiance shows up and tells Rose that  JACK THE LAWYER PAID ME TO BREAK UP WITH YOU. To which Rose is understandably flabbergasted. She confronts Jack the lawyer who fesses that he’s been pining for her sad self since they met at her uncle’s Christmas party years before. She doesn’t remember this. He does. BECAUSE HE’S A STALKER. So, he knew about the will stipulation with marriage BACK THEN, which is why he used FIRM RESOURCES to investigate the ex-fiance and found out he was a con artist, using Rose with plans to basically steal all her money. This infuriated Jack the lawyer because he thought Rose deserved better and then proceeded to basically con her himself, just in a different way. With marriage! He told her he needed to get married to show he was a family man to make partner. THAT WAS A LIE. He didn’t need it at all. He just—wanted to marry her??? To help her??? What a psycho. She leaves. He continues to lurk outside the coffee shop. They make up. No one mentions the stalking. The end.

Wild for You by Kendall Ryan

He’s growly. Grumpy. Stubborn. And now, my new roommate. Walking away from my disastrous last relationship was an easy decision, but moving in with a friend-of-a-friend hockey star who’s rarely home? Not quite as simple, because Grant makes me feel all kinds of things I’m not prepared for. Protected. Desired. Unsteady.

Here we are again. With one instance of no-condom sex immediately leading to pregnancy. Nothing is more certain this. Not taxes. Not death. Just one night and no condom and a romance story where everyone realizes everything they ever wanted within the confines of a nine-month pregnancy storyline. I continue to be real predictable in my choices of reading series where every due on a team gets a chance at romance, but, y’know, at least I’m dependable.

Unlike these characters to practice safe sex.

Anyway, the crazy thing with this one was that Ana’s ex-boyfriend — the one she left and ended up in Grant’s guest room because of — was next-level awful. He’s caught on camera basically assaulting her outside of her job and he gets sent down to the AHL eventually and fined and just basically super self-destructive and then, wait for it, HE DIES AT THE END. Straight up. Lots of other stuff happens before then, too. Stoic non-emotional Grant gets less stoic and way more emotional and realizes Ana and this baby are all he’s ever wanted and he suddenly desperately needs a family and Happily Ever After because he’s been secretly jealous of his teammates (the six books before him obviously all ended with little hearts floating off the pages) and he is the MOST understanding dude.

Every single time Ana is like: We should be friends, I don’t want people to think I jumped from one hockey player to another, he’s like: Cool, whatever you want. Even though, y’know, she kinda did exactly that. Even when Ana moves out! She’s like eight months pregnant and suddenly wants to rely on herself! This is however a free sports romance on Amazon, so that lasts all of, like, two chapters. Also, Grant, being the supportive manly man that he’s now become, rips up the DNA test to find out if the kid is his or soon-to-be dead ex-boyfriend’s. Just ripped it up. Which is symbolic, I guess. But, like, you didn’t want to double check? What if that kid has to go to the hospital? Did she put Grant’s name on the birth certificate? What are his parental rights??

Anyway, they’re all set to live HEA when….as discussed, THE DICK BOYFRIEND DIES. No explanation. Nothing. Just Grant tells Ana he’s dead, she’s like, oh wow that’s sad, they send some flowers to the funeral and that’s THAT. I assume this was to close any potential plot holes on the father of this baby, but it was hysterical and I cannot stop thinking about it. Strangely enough, the one where the couple made a secret sex tape in college and then got back together because it got released may have been the healthiest relationship in this series. 

The Seat Filler by Sariah Wilson

The meet-cute award goes to dog groomer Juliet Nolan. It’s one of Hollywood’s biggest nights when she volunteers as a seat filler and winds up next to movie heartthrob Noah freaking Douglas. Tongue tied and toes curling in her pink Converse, she pretends that she doesn’t have a clue who he is. It’s the only way to keep from swooning. She’s pretty and unpretentious, loves his dog, and is not a worshipping fan. No way Noah’s giving up on her, even if his affectionate pursuit comes with a bump: Juliet has a pathological fear of kissing and the disappointments that follow. What odds does romance have without that momentous, stupendous, once-in-a-lifetime first smooch? Patient, empathetic, and carrying personal burdens of his own, Noah suggests a remedy: they rehearse. The lessons begin. The guards come down. But there’s another hitch they weren’t betting on. As for that cue-the-orchestra-and-roll-credits happy ending? It might take more than practice to make it perfect.

If I were Adam Driver, I would sue. So, I didn’t know this gong in, but apparently Sariah Wilson is a massive and vocal Adam Driver fan. And Reylo fan. Now, fine. You do you, Sariah Wilson. Adam Driver is not someone I’m particularly interested in, but if The Love Hypothesis can basically put a cartoon version of him and Daisy Ridley on the cover and sell it, more power to all of you. So long as your story is...good. Which this was—not.

I’ve mentioned it before, but sometime I just type the titles of books I have on my Kindle to Justin and tell him to pick. He picked this. Which meant that I totally forgot that Juliet had A MASSIVE KISS PHOBIA. Whenever she even thought about kissing someone she, like, had a panic attack and I am not an expert or anything, but I think you should see a medical professional for that. Not have KISSING LESSONS with your childhood crush whose TV show you used to be obsessed with and are now lying to. That’s right, she told him she had no idea who he was. Which he found endearing. Of course. He’s tortured! He’s always been used for his fame! He was apparently in the Army!

All of which, turns out are things that Adam Driver has discussed? Again, I don’t know enough about Adam Driver to dispute this, but the internet seemed pretty convinced. Not to mention that apparently one time Sariah Wilson won a contest that led to her sitting next to Adam Driver at an awards show. Which she then based her entire book off of? So this is basically just one, long self-insert fic. And that’s, uh, not cool, yeah? Neither were the kissing lessons. They were awkward and uncomfortable and only ever kind of worked? No one got passed, like, second base, is what I’m saying. All of this is happening while the narration is telling me how cool and relatable Juliet is. She wears Converse! She eats! She has a quirky job!

Y i k e s.

So, as I’m sure you’ve guessed, eventually Noah finds out that Juliet does in fact know who he is and has loved him forever and made out with a pillow of his face once. Before the kiss phobia! And that was it. That was the big problem for him. He storms out of her mother’s house — whose fault this is, really, who shares their daughter’s celebrity scrapbook with the celebrity in question?? read the room, mom — Juliet is sad, her best friend doesn’t have cancer, because that was another plot point, the best friend is actually pregnant, the best friend is scheming and it takes Noah, like, one whole chapter to forgive Juliet. By recreating their meeting and PROPOSING. And, like, I’m not a sex is the end all be all here, but also...maybe they should acknowledge that before the marriage. Or consider defining her sexuality differently?

Or get counseling.

Definitely get counseling.

Dirty Curve by Meagan Brandy

You know how in college there’s that one guy everyone wants to be? That’s me. I’m the top dog. The number one. The big man on campus. Some say those things are solid wins. My new tutor would disagree. My title means nothing to her. My status lost on her. And now my mind? That sucker is stuck on her. She was told to make our sessions priority over all, to drop everything when I need her, and come to me. She does.   But I don’t want to steal her time anymore. I want to earn it. If anyone can do that, it’s me. 

It probably says a lot about me that — more often than I’d totally like to admit — that sometimes I finish these books solely for the purpose of telling Justin every single thing that happened in these books and hearing him mumble under his breath, while listening to me ramble about incoherent plots and incorrect facts, “How did you read this?” Honestly, it might be one of my favorite things. So, by that marker, this was one of my favorite books of the year. Almost entirely because it included the following bit:

I’m Tobias motherfucking Cruz, the best goddamn pitcher college ball has ever seen. I hold the record for consecutive strikes thrown at this level, and last season I became the first to ever pitch back-to-back no-hitters in a college championship game.

Tobias, I think you might be an athletic marvel. Do you have a titanium elbow??? This is just—guys, it’s so wrong. First of all, how do you pitch back-to-back no-hitters in a college championship game, singular??? Like, by its very definition that’s one game. Totally negating the possibility of back-to-back. Plus, he’s a starting pitcher, right? He is, just go with me on this. He’s pitching MAX on three days rest? Maybe MAYBE he’s pitching twice in a series, but that’s a big maybe and if he is, then no way is he pitching COMPLETE GAMES. Plus, the College World Series is best of three, right? So, like, c’mon. Also, what the hell is consecutive strikes record? Get outta here with this nonsense.

Also, also, two chapters before that quote, Tobias suggested that the apparently LONE starting pitcher on the team was going to get bumped to relief because he was going to take his spot. Which is also not how it works. Guys, I think the lady who wrote this book believes there’s one starting pitcher on a baseball team.

AND THAT WASN’T EVEN THE MOST RIDICULOUS PART.

I swear to God. So, Tobias needed to be tutored, right? Obviously, someone’s always getting tutored in these books. But the girl who’s going to tutor him DOESN’T WANT TO. Like she is STRESSED™ about it. Turns out she has a kid and responsibilities and for the LONGEST time I thought it was because the kid was Tobias’ and he didn’t remember hooking up with her and she was sad, or something. FWIW, Justin also thought that. No. Nope. The kid was the baseball coach’s. Tobias’ baseball coach. Who was MARRIED to Tutor Girl the whole book. While Tutor Girl and Tobias were hooking up because, again, if she was going to tutor him obviously they had to hook up. But wait, there’s more! I was partially right! Tutor Girl and Tobias had hooked up WHILE SHE WAS PREGNANT and baseball coach still married her!!! SHE WAS IN COLLEGE. HE WAS A GROWN MAN. AN OLD GROWN MAN. So, they were married the whole book and he kept threatening to stop paying for college and sue for custody if she left him, but she kept hooking up with Tobias and then Tobias found out and for a hot second ALSO thought the kid was his, until all the truth came out, he got drafted, said some off-camera stuff to the coach that we never really got into, found Tutor Girl on some beach and they got married. He won the World Series. Natch.

The Bromance Book Club by Lyssa Kay Adams

Nashville Legends second baseman Gavin Scott's marriage is in major league trouble. He’s recently discovered a humiliating secret: his wife Thea has always faked the Big O. When he loses his cool at the revelation, it’s the final straw on their already strained relationship. Thea asks for a divorce, and Gavin realizes he’s let his pride and fear get the better of him. Distraught and desperate, Gavin finds help from an unlikely source: a secret romance book club made up of Nashville's top alpha men. With the help of their current read, a steamy Regency titled Courting the Countess, the guys coach Gavin on saving his marriage. But it'll take a lot more than flowery words and grand gestures for this hapless Romeo to find his inner hero and win back the trust of his wife.

Ok, so this isn’t in the same realm as the other books on this list. In that I seriously enjoyed this book. With a massive pile of salt. Because the basis was so goddamn ridiculous! I just—Gavin. Poor, dumb, stupid Gavin. Am I supposed to believe that Thea never had an orgasm? Like, not once in their relationship? She had twins! Did she not even get an orgasm then?? Before giving birth to twins! Or did she just stop getting them? Because that’s at least bit better, but still. Gavin. Be, like, marginally aware of what’s going on, man. I—he really couldn’t tell? He didn’t notice? Not once?? Legit, don’t get me wrong. This was a cute book an I read the whole series, but the basis of this was a lot and ridiculous.

#laura rambles #laura reads books #anonymous #welllp these are books #it's really important that you guys don't think i did anything except enjoy these books #with the exception of maybe the seat filler #which was really awful #but a lot of these were just SO absurd that i had to finish them #like i had to know what else was going to happen #and more often than not something did happen

[larauthorized]

Clique Bait Book Analysis

Clique Bait was originally a Wattpad phenomenon written by Ann Valett titled previously as “High School’s Hit List” but upon the fame, it caught the eye of traditional publishing, “Harper Teen” but also Wattpad itself, where it led to the title we have now. For this review though, despite stumbling on the book through the website first, I’m going to use the one published traditionally for reference. 

The story starts every chapter with letter entries supposedly to Monica from best friend and also our protagonist, Chloe Whittaker. In each chapter, it’s divided by stages of Chloe’s ways in taking down every one in her hit list. The list involves five not only popular but ridiculously wealthy, elite teenagers (Lola Davenport, Sophie Rutherford, Francis Rutherford, Madeline Danton, Zachary Plympthon, and William Bishop) all of which might or might not be the cause or involved in Monica’s disappearance. Chloe insists on bringing the case of her best friend justice by messing up those said names above. 

In this book, we learn that Chloe is a very determined, well-structured girl who  thinks of every single thing to detail. She even maps out a chart of the school system, calling it as Level Five, Level Four, Level Three, Level Two, and the highest and untouched of them all, Level One. With her determination in exposing the truth on her best friend and critical thinking but also high on observation skills, she’s willing to do whatever it takes to make each of every one on her list pay. Even the one whom she promises will stay on the safe zone, the one who will become her winning or breaking point - that is, if she plays her cards right and sticks to the plan. 

Through this scheme that she put out by herself, she learns that the Level One, in spite of how glamorous and powerful it might seem on the outside, is more complicated than she realizes. The more she sticks around, the more secrets that begin to unravel by themselves - be it with the help of Will or her own snooping self. When she finds out that the most golden couple isn’t what they lead people to believe, toxic for lack of a better word. And then there’s Maddy Danton who seems to be excluded by the other two girls, all because she’s always the one who only appears to get drunk in parties and possibly be a next target. One night, Will does something that drives her mad, so mad that she avoids him while still maintains appearances in the hallways. However, this act of silent treatment leads her to have yet another secret - a way to get the plan back in motion. She questions whether or not to it’s a good idea to use that for another leverage in taking all of them down. After all,  the cunning, wicked Sophie Rutherford came in with a threat. Her insecurity and mentally unstable self take over that she’s afraid that they may use it against her now that she’s gone down the same rabbit hole, just like her best friend did, especially with her feelings starting to show.  

Like any other teenager, Chloe is anything but easy. Her home life, though her parents were just as ridiculously rich, she knows that her mother is in denial about her father’s “business” trips that aren’t necessarily for business. Because of this, she’s the type to have deep trust issues, hence why she doesn’t like when she doesn’t have the upper hand after Will decides to take lead the first time she confronts him. She doesn’t usually rely on anyone, not since Monica anyway. Speaking of which, Monica’s the exact opposite of her. While she’d rather remain off the radar, Monica would want to be in the spotlight, which was what got her to be in a place where she was now, probably. Monica’s perfect and confident - the pretty one - as opposed to her. Sometimes, she mulls over how her best friend can be that way almost all of the time, and that she wishes that Monica would just want to stay invisible just so she could look after her easily. Even she knew that was too much to ask for considering Monica was anything but. 

With the Pretty Little Liars twist meet some Gossip Girl, this book is definitely worth checking out, because not only it has the main character plotting to seek for revenge, but it contains a slow-burn romance that might just be your cup of tea. You’ll also find yourself feeling sorry for the supposedly antagonist, Lola Davenport herself, all because she’s actually far more complex and vulnerable than she’s letting on. In the end, no one can really be trusted. Everybody gets what they deserve, even if it’s not what you expect, but it’s for the greater good. As all layers have been lifted, a shocking revelation might just fall on Chloe’s shoulders, making her choose one or the other. Either choices would either make or break her entire plan, it can even break some hearts in the process - even if it’s hers.  

#book review #book analysis #writer #writerslife #blogger #bloggerslife #clique bait #clique bait ann valett #writingcommunity #writersworld #blogging #blog #review #analysis

[anistarrose]

Summary: Angus leads a virtual book club meeting. Kravitz connects the dots. Taako makes significant updates to the list of people he trusts and things he believes.

Characters: Kravitz, Taako, Barry Bluejeans, Angus McDonald, Magnus Burnsides, Merle Highchurch, Noelle | No-3113, The Raven Queen, The Director | Lucretia, misc. BoB cameos, Julia Burnsides, Garyl

Relationships: Taakitz, Angus McDonald & Taako, Barry Bluejeans & Kravitz, Kravitz & Angus McDonald

Bit by bit, we’re inching closer to the endgame! Lots of plot and angst in this update, but also I think I might’ve implied that Minecraft exists in Faerun, so it evens out, y’know?

By virtue of their trance state replacing sleep, elves were supposed to be good lucid dreamers. Taako had always experienced mixed results, but never moreso than tonight, with a dream that started out all saccharine romantic fantasy — fishing with Kravitz and sharing a kiss after falling into the lake together — before a clap of thunder and an unholy scream plunged the world into darkness and left one single source of light, one last surviving star, cradled in Taako’s unassuming hands.

Then a ripple in the darkness, the invisible maw of some ravenous entity, closed around that final star — and Taako screamed, as loud as he could muster yet still not loud enough to drown the ringing in his ears, as he flailed in the dark against the invisible monster that stole the world from him —

At once, two hands closed around his own, one cold and the other warm. On Taako’s left was Kravitz, aghast but holding himself together, a steely composure to his posture despite the fear in his eyes.

On Taako’s right was a Red Robe — but not Barry, and in fact not anything like what Taako had started to accept as normal for Red Robes. Where Barry had a clouded darkness in place of hands and a face, this lich had pure static escaping from within her sleeves and beneath her hood, crackling and constantly changing shape like lightning, or… like fire.

Taako sat up in his bed covered in cold sweat, heart pounding as he realized his legs were hopelessly tangled in his sheets, and only slightly slowing when he realized there was nothing in his bedroom to run from.

Elves were supposed to rarely awaken late, but Taako’s wizard hat-shaped alarm clock — a gift that Angus that he’d quietly appreciated, even though it should have been redundant — indicated that it was mid-morning, and when he trudged out into the common area, he found no sign of his doormates besides a note written in Magnus’s distinctive scrawl.

I know you were busy last night, so we’re letting you sleep in while we go play Fantasy Kickball on the quad! Killian and Avi are team captains and their rivalry is fierce, so we’ll probably be playing all day if you want to join us! Love, Magnus! (And Merle)

Taako didn’t realize how relieved he was until he felt himself let out a sigh.

He had a sinking feeling that the same dream — or at least, a similar dream — had played out more than once that night, looping over and over again as he repeatedly failed to remember, much less control, where it was going. He felt too exhausted to be operating on even a single minute of dreamless sleep, and didn’t even want to think about holding a conversation with anyone…

Well, with most people. There was someone he’d really been meaning to chat with, before he’d been distracted by haircuts and Kravitz and pottery and stargazing and Kravitz.

He transmuted a mug of lukewarm tap water to a piping hot, high-caffeine tea, then picked up his Umbra Staff, and conjured a familiar phantom steed with twin horns that nearly grazed the ceiling as he reared and whinnied.

“Yooo! Mornin’, Taako!”

“Morning, Garyl.” Taako yawned. “Could you do me a favor, and tell me literally anything you know about the liches you said I used to hang out with?”

***

CalebClevelandFan#2045: All early-installment weirdness aside, I really do think it’s a great introduction to the series! Because of the retcons you’ll encounter later, there are some conspiracy theories that the most recent arc of Caleb Cleveland was ghostwritten to maximize the publishing rate (which I think is hogwash, because continuity errors are going to be inevitable no matter who’s writing) but I guess I’ll let you decide for yourself when you get there! Do you need to stop by the moon again to borrow Book 2?

ReaperAwMan#1672: No thank you, Angus! I think I’m going to try and download the “digital” version, now that I know I can do that on my Stone! Taako told me about that feature and a lot of others last night, so if I can’t get it to work, I’ll just call him and ask him to walk me through it. :)

ReaperAwMan: Did I use the smiley face correctly?

CalebClevelandFan: Yes! :) You’ve picked up on technology a lot faster than my grandpa did.

CalebClevelandFan: Did Taako also choose your username on this app, though?

ReaperAwMan: How did you know? Is it a reference to something? :)

CalebClevelandFan: Um

CalebClevelandFan: Yes, but it’s a long story. It’s not mean-spirited or anything, though! I think it’s pretty funny!

ReaperAwMan: Okay! :)

CalebClevelandFan: Is that all for book club today? If it is, Mr. Kravitz, I just want to say that I’d be happy to talk to you again about Caleb Cleveland anytime!

CalebClevelandFan: It means a lot to me, but I understand if you’re too busy (message edited)

ReaperAwMan: Oh, there’s always time for book club, Angus!

ReaperAwMan: But I admit, I have had a lot on my mind…

CalebClevelandFan: Is it the liches? Since the Reclaimers aren’t in trouble anymore? (By the way, I went to tell Noelle she didn’t have to worry about getting reaped, but apparently she’s visiting family, so I left a message with her teammates Carey and Killain..)

ReaperAwMan: Excellent deduction. (And thank you for that. I hope she gets the message soon.)

ReaperAwMan: You’re right, I’m still hunting Lup and Barry Bluejeans, but… I just can’t shake the feeling that they’re connected to Taako and the others.

CalebClevelandFan: Really? What makes you say that?

ReaperAwMan: Well, I didn’t think much of this for a long time, and now I’m kicking myself for it, but their bounties registered in our system at the same time as Taako’s, Magnus’s, and Merle’s. We figured it was just a widespread detection glitch, which has happened before on a much smaller scale, but now it feels awfully suspicious. The Reclaimers have also encountered Barry at least four times now, without even seeking him out the first three times, whereas finding Barry is my job, and I get a lead on him about twice a year, if I’m lucky.

CalebClevelandFan: That is odd. Did any other bounties show up at that same time? Do you know if they have any kind of connections to Barry?

ReaperAwMan: Only two others, for a couple of people named Lucretia and Davenport. They must be living like hermits, because it’s been 12 years and I know as little about them as I do about Lup. Not a lot of leads there, I’m afraid.

(CalebClevelandFan is typing…)

(CalebClevelandFan is typing…)

CalebClevelandFan: Hmm. Huh! I wish I could say those names meant something to me, but I’ve never heard them before in my life! Truly unfortunate, that. But, I do suspect that Barry appearing to the Reclaimers is because the Red Robes made the Grand Relics, and it’s the Reclaimers’ job to track those seven relics down!

ReaperAwMan: You mean to tell me that Barold J. Bluejeans made a Grand Relic, and the Reclaimers all knew that information, but didn’t think it would be important to tell me?! This is simultaneously the most and least surprised I’ve been at any point in my afterlife.

CalebClevelandFan: Well, I guess there’s a reason I’m the moon’s resident boy detective and they aren’t, sir!

ReaperAwMan: Wait. Angus.

CalebClevelandFan: Yes?

ReaperAwMan: Seven relics. Seven bounties.

CalebClevelandFan: Sorry, sir, I’m not following. What’s the connection?

ReaperAwMan: I know this is going to sound impossible, but…

ReaperAwMan: Taako is a transmutation wizard. The Philosopher’s Stone can transmute any material into anything else. Merle is a nature cleric, and the Gaia Sash offers control over natural disasters and the wilderness. Then of course, Barry is a lich like no other, and the Animus Bell is the most dangerous necromantic artifact I’ve ever been tasked with monitoring. I don’t know exactly how Magnus fitz into this, or how the other three bounties have managed to hide from me, but…

ReaperAwMan: I think Taako, Merle, and Magnus made three of the Grand Relics!

ReaperAwMan: Angus? Are you still there?

CalebClevelandFan: Sorry, I just rebooted my Stone, but I still can’t read your second-to-last message! It just looks like static, but I was inoculated, so that shouldn’t be possible!

ReaperAwMan: I’m not sure what you mean by “inoculated,” but if the app is glitching, then do you want me to call you?

CalebClevelandFan: It may not be the app, sir. And if it isn’t, I fear a phone call won’t make any difference… but I just got an idea! I’m going to go check if Noelle is back yet — she should be able to help with this. Please bear with me for a few minutes, sir!

ReaperAwMan: Okay, then… good luck!

Head in his hand, Kravitz scrolled back up to the offending message, reading it over once more.

I think Taako, Merle, and Magnus made three of the Grand Relics!

It made sense, but it shouldn’t have. Despite all the questions it answered, it raised more in their place — and Kravitz had been ready to accept that he was wrong, ready for brilliant little Angus to chime in with a piece of evidence that refuted it all...

Except that message, and that message alone, hadn’t made it to Angus in the first place — and wasn’t that the most damning, of all the so-called coincidences aligning before Kravitz’s eyes?

The Reclaimers made Grand Relics and consorted with liches. The Reclaimers can’t remember making Grand Relics or consorting with liches.

Someone is hiding the truth from the Reclaimers, and from Angus. Someone is hiding the truth from the entire Bureau of Balance.

Is it Barry? Does he have that much power? Is he working with someone? With Lup?

Kravitz summoned his scythe with the full intention of warping straight to the moonbase, and bringing his four friends from the Bureau directly back to the Astral Plane — not to take them prisoner, but simply to get them somewhere safe, somewhere to talk without Queen-knows-what outside forces eavesdropping or interfering. Yet before he could open a rift, Kravitz’s vision flashed blue, and a faint yet familiar tug directed his focus towards a much different region of the Material Plane.

A voice echoed in his head, too distorted to identify the speaker, but the words themselves were clear enough:

Kravitz, help!

Kravitz’s Stone of Farspeech clattered onto his desk as he raised his fingers to his temples and closed his eyes, honing in on the location of the summoning arrow. It was surrounded by undead presences of several shapes and forms, but one aura outshone all the others — one unmistakable red aura, crackling with power, and… desperation.

There was a very short list of people on the Material Plane with access to this kind of summoning beacon — and no matter what dark secrets their pasts held, Kravitz couldn’t bear the thought of any of them being left alone with an incredibly powerful, secret-keeping, Relic-crafting lich who had finally, finally snapped.

With a frantic swing of his scythe, he ripped open a jagged portal to the arrow’s location, and leapt through without even pausing to retrieve his Stone.

Hang on, boys! I’m coming!

***

“If you wanna hear anything about liches,” Garyl declared, “that information comes with a price. Which you know is gonna be oats, ‘cause what would I even do with gold? I’m just a funky little 80’s horse remix, so you gotta hand over those spectral oats, dude.”

Taako sighed. “Garyl. I know you’re not gonna like this question. But before you whine, please consider the fact that I’m not in the fucking mood. Now: does it have to be oats?”

“A pound of spectral oats is worth two spectral carrots or one spectral sugar cube! That’s the conversion rate. If you offer a spectral salt lick, I may be willing to negotiate.”

Taako conjured two floating, semi-tangible carrots with a wave of his umbrella, and levitated them over to Garyl, who took a bite out of both at once.

“That’s the stuff!” he whinnied. “Okay, so. Liches. Whatcha wanna know about ‘em?”

“You said, like — like two days ago now — that you used to get spectral oats from liches that I hung out with. Garyl, I need to know: was that true, or were you just guilting me for not spoiling you with enough treats?”

Garyl’s response was rendered completely indecipherable by the fresh bite of carrot in his mouth, part of which splattered across the floor and narrowly missed Taako.

“This is serious, Garyl! I’ve been meaning to ask you about this for a while, but it keeps getting more serious.” Taako groaned. “I… I didn’t even realize it, until I was talking to Kravitz last night, but… it’s just… okay, look. He remembers his whole life crystal clear, right down to how many stars you could see from this planet eight hundred and twenty years ago, but…”

He lowered his voice, glancing towards the door. “My past has always just been… fuzzy to me. I never really worried about it, but… I’m just now realizing that this might not be normal. And that if it isn’t, then I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

Garyl swallowed the last of the carrots. “Yo, your past isn’t fuzzy to me. You really don’t remember your lich buddies — your lich family? Your literal sister and brother-in-law?”

“No, Garold, I don’t remember the sound of getting electrocuted in a fantasy garbage disposal!” Taako rubbed his forehead with increasing vigor, futilely attempting to massage away the sensation of an approaching migraine. “I don’t know how you made that noise with your nasty horse mouth, but it sounded just as bad as the static Lich Barry was speaking when —”

He gasped — and in the ensuing silence, the static kept ringing in his ears, but not as an audible echo. It was coming from within his own head, like a misdirected electric current leaping from neuron to neuron, generated as his mind repeatedly tried and failed to process what he’d just heard… and Taako knew exactly where he’d felt that sensation before.

“Oh, fuck.”

He bolted for the door, locked it, then frantically emptied his pockets until he found his Stone of Farspeech, which he powered down and then magically silenced for extra insurance. “Shit. Shit. Fuck.”

“Yo, what’s the rush?” Garyl asked. “Didja just remember you owe the unicorn mafia a whole bushel of oatsss?”

“What the hell? No!” Taako cradled Garyl’s snout in his hands, standing on his tiptoes to stare at Garyl in the eyes. “Promise me, promise me right now, Garyl, that you’re not gonna fucking snitch.”

Garyl’s expression turned as serious as a binicorn’s expression could turn, given two horns, technicolor eyes, and glittering lashes to work with. “Taako, you gave me life. I’ve always got your back, man.”

“There’s a second voidfish,” Taako blurted out. “And you’re more ghost than horse, I guess, so you’re immune to it, but I’m not. And I — I think I lost something big to it.”

“Huh.” Garyl snorted. “Damn. Geez, yeah. That would explain some things about, man, musta been…” He closed his eyes, nostrils twitching. “The last twelve years? That sound right?”

“Please, Garyl. You — you might know me better than I know me, at this point, so I need you to tell me — who can I trust?”

“I can’t decide that for you, Taako.” Garyl arched his majestic equine neck, as a single tear rolled down his face, and his mullet billowed in a wind that simply shouldn’t have been possible indoors. “Look at what you know to be true in your heart, and begin the journey towards your truth by trusting yourself.”

“I’m not here to listen to your poetry, Garyl — I need names!” Taako pleaded. “Like, I — I can at least trust Kravitz, right?”

“Look, man, I’m sorry! I could tell you who you used to trust, but if someone took a Voidfish-brand eraser to your chalkboard of a brain, that means someone had to betray you, and I dunno who it was! Kravitz is probably chill, because he seems on the level and you haven’t known him long enough for him to be the culprit — but I’m still juggling like six suspects, and I’ve only got four hooves, man! I’m trying my best to —”

Abruptly, Garyl’s voice died out, and he lowered his eyes. “Well, okay, it would be… five suspects. ‘Cause… Lup definitely went missing before any memories got…”

Taako clapped his hands over his ears. “Can you try not to do that? I’m already on the edge of a migraine without —”

A knock at the door interrupted him, and the next thing he knew, he was brandishing his Umbra Staff — never mind the fact that he’d locked that door just a minute ago, and it had since remained closed.

“Taako?” Lucretia called from the hallway. “Are you alright in there?”

After what must’ve been a suspiciously long pause, “Fine!” was the only word Taako could force out.

“Just dandy!” Garyl added in a terrible Taako impression, and Taako elbowed him in the equine shoulder.

“You’re sure?” The quizzical tilt to Lucretia’s head was downright audible. “You don’t sound like yourself.”

Taako bit back a reply of golly, I wonder if that’s because I don’t who I am or how much of myself I’m missing! but managed something more civil, clamping a hand over Garyl’s mouth as he spoke.

“Just had a late night last night! Took some… personal hours. May or may not be nursing a mild hangover now.”

“Oh, we’ve all been there. Merle did mention you were sleeping in.” Lucretia sounded like her suspicion had been sated — unless, of course, she just wanted Taako to think that — because in a much more casual voice that carried far less gravitas, the next thing she asked was: “Do you mind if I come in? I feel like we haven’t talked since Candlenights.”

“No problem!” Taako replied, probably much too quickly. He uttered the word ‘unlock’ under his breath in Elvish, to magically undo his little paranoia-induced security measure before swinging the door open, and hoping Lucretia wouldn’t notice the door had been locked or go on to question why. “Mi casa es tu casa — ‘cause, y’know, mi casa is technically part of your moonbase.”

If Lucretia did notice the unlocking door, she only questioned it silently, because her attention seemed understandably drawn to the binicorn trotting in place in the middle of the dorm.

“Oh, Garyl! Good to see you too.”

“Haha, yeah!” Garyl chuckled nervously. “Imagine meeting you, here, in a place like this! What are the odds?”

Lucretia lowered herself onto the sofa, glanced at Magnus’s rugged hand-crafted coffee table, and pointed to her feet. “Do you mind?”

Taako shrugged. “Uh… knock yourself out, Luce?”

She kicked off her heeled boots and slung her feet onto the table, laying her staff down in her lap. “Let’s get to the point. I did come here for a particular reason —”

“Oh?” Taako forced a smile. “Do tell.”

“Well, Merle and Leon got into a bit of an argument over — actually, let me start from the beginning. At some point in today’s second game, the kickball went over the edge of the moon, and has probably hit the planet Earth at terminal velocity by now.” Lucretia grimaced. “I hope no one was standing beneath it. Yikes.”

“Home run, baby!” Garyl cheered. Taako simply attempted to nod along.

“Actually, by our rules, it’s a foul with a sizeable penalty. Leon was pitching and Merle was kicking, so naturally they got into a fight over whose fault it was, and Merle threatened — let me see if I remember this all correctly — to ask you, Taako, to ask your ‘new friend the Grim Reaper’ to come up here and ‘reap Leon’s ass’ like said Grim Reaper purportedly once threatened to reap Merle’s own ass. So I was just hoping to get to you first, and stage an intervention to make sure the Bureau’s only artificer doesn’t take a one way trip to the heavens above — not to mention, maybe, ask if you had any idea what the hell Merle was talking about?”

“Well, bold statement saying Leon would go to heaven, first of all. Pretty sure he’d head the way of the plummeting kickball and smash through the planet’s crust. Second of all, um, I guess you could say I know the Grim Reaper? Look, we haven’t been seeing each other for very long, but I think we both feel a connection —”

“Oh! Well, good for you! Don’t get me wrong, that’s fucking wild if you mean it seriously rather than as a goof, but I’m still happy for you!”

“Not a goof. That is the whole story there, though. I’m dating the Grim Reaper, what more is there to say?” Taako grinned from ear to ear, and it felt slightly more sincere than every other smile he’d put on in this disaster of a conversation. “But as a… as an aside… uh, Garyl, do you remember those… six, no, five people you mentioned to me, just before Lucretia showed up?”

Garyl blinked at him with a downright hostility, as if to say You’re circling back to this topic NOW?

“Your, um, suspect list?” Taako clarified. “Of… people on the moon most likely to give you oats? I guess it was more like a power ranking, actually, let’s definitely call it a power ranking instead of a suspect list — but my point is, um, was the ‘Director’ here on it?”

“Yee-esssss,” Garyl replied slowly, still giving Taako the evil eye. “You know what I always say about Lucretia: she… she totes got the oats!”

“Okay!” Taako replied, knuckles turning white as he gripped the handle of the Umbra Staff. “Thanks! For letting me know! About those oat facts!”

“Um,” said Lucretia, which was probably the best reaction that Taako could’ve reasonably hoped for. “I… think I misplaced my oats today. Also, maybe my supply of oats for this entire year?” She reached for her boots. “Is this a hint that I should go back to refereeing kickball?”

“Yes!” Taako blurted out. “Oh, I mean, no, it’s not — I mean, you can leave! But you don’t have to. We don’t mind you being here!”

“We don’t not want you to leave but we also don’t not not not want you to leave,” Garyl added, as if it were a verbal Fantasy Rosetta Stone that would clarify and explain all of Taako’s anxious floundering. “Because we trust and cherish you. And oats! Mostly oats.”

Lucretia slipped her boots back on, then rose from her seat in a regal manner that probably wasn’t intended to intimidate the living daylights out of Taako. “No, you have a point. I should go make sure our secret society doesn’t fracture into warring kickball factions — but I’ll be back to chat more, don’t worry. Hopefully on a day you’re feeling better, Taako.”

She winked at Garyl as she turned to leave. “And I’ll try and remember to bring oats. Gotta move up in those power rankings.”

“It was actually more like a tier list!” Garyl called as she closed the door. When Taako magically locked it behind her, Garyl began pacing around the dorm, his tail swishing with enough force to knock several paintings and decorative vases onto the floor.

“Taako! She never has oats and she knows it! She’s onto us!”

“Yeah, you think?” Taako sunk into the couch Lucretia had vacated, burying his head in his hands. “I need backup who can hear through the static, before she puts it together and comes back to throw me in the brig. I’m calling Kravitz.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, you do that. I’ll keep working on the tier list.” As Taako began to reboot his Stone, Garyl accelerated his nervous pacing to a nervous trot.

“Garyl, if this turns into a canter, I swear to gods —” Taako muttered, tapping the Stone’s unresponsive screen with a shaky thumb.

“Sorry.” Garyl slowed to a halt. “Hmm. You trust Davenport more, less, or the same as Lucretia?”

“What, you think he just pretends he can only say his own name to disguise his role as the evil mastermind?” Taako’s stomach churned. “Shit. You might be onto something. Put him below Lucretia on the tier list. Or above? I dunno how —”

“Wait, I’m not following you, man. Since when can Dav can only say his own name?”

Taako groaned. “I’m gonna take a wild guess and say since twelve fucking years ago — alright, finally! Here we go!” His Stone of Farspeech flickered to life, and he navigated to Kravitz’s contact page as quickly as his trembling fingers allowed.

When he hit Call, an eerie silence filled the dorm as he and Garyl listened to one, two, three, four short rings — then, a beep, and a horrendous pre-recorded Cockney accent.

Hullo, greetings, and top o’ the morning! You’ve successfully reached the desk of Kravitz, Emissary of Her Majesty the Raven Queen, but I’m away right now, so if you have a zombie outbreak to report, press 1. If you wish to subscribe to our mailing list of anti-necromancy resources, press 2. If you’re dead and in need of an escort to the Astral Plane, press 3. If you just wanted to have a friendly chat, please leave a message after the caw, and I’ll get back to you once I’m able.

A raven cawed, and Taako started talking:

“Hey, babe, it’s me! Your boy. Um, don’t let me take you away from saving the world from necromancers or anything important like that… but if you’re not busy, I could really use your help, so if you could swing by the moonbase, and — and maybe not tell anyone you’re coming here or that you’re coming to see me — then that would be just swell! Everything’s cool, nothing’s wrong — well, no, you’re a perceptive guy, you can definitely tell something’s wrong — but I’m sure you and me, and Garyl, and maybe Angus will be able to figure it out, no problem! Except, now that I think about it, maybe not Angus, because I’ve put him in enough danger to solve my own problems already — but uh, thanks in advance, love you, see you soon, bye!”

Then he dropped his Stone, grabbed the nearest couch pillow, and screamed into it.

“Hey, hey, relaaax,” Garyl told him. “You heard him — he’ll get back to you soon.”

“Yeah. I know.” Taako took a deep breath, letting the pillow fall to the ground. “He’s just a busy guy, with an important job. He’ll be here as soon as he can…”

Garyl nodded sagely. “And you’d do the same, for him, because that’s love. Unless…”

Taako’s heart skipped a beat. “Unless?”

“Unless someone on the lower end of the trust tier list knows about his connection to you, and to keep hiding the truth, they capture him before he can get here!” Garyl sniffed. “Just like the unicorn mafia captured my dear ol’ uncle…”

Taako pressed the Call button again, and when he was once again directed to voicemail, he picked the pillow back up and resumed screaming.

“Hey, take it easyyy, man. It’s not like they can kill him,” Garyl soothed. “And b’sides, haven’t you got that… that whatsit-called, that magic arrow? You can still check in on him that way, even if the bad guys stole his Stone!”

“Right!” Taako sprung up from the couch, and bolted towards the quiver of arrows that Magnus had casually slung onto the doorknob of his room. “I mean, I’m sure his phone didn’t even get taken from him — he’s eight and a half centuries old, for crying out loud! He probably just misplaced it, or accidentally put it on silent, or… gee, we really don’t have a lot of traditional surfaces to jab arrows into here, do we?”

He glanced around the dorm, gaze finally landing on Magnus’s homemade coffee table. “I’ll just… wedge it in one of the seams in the wood, so it definitely won’t be noticeable, right?”

“You asking me? I’m apparently an amnesia-immune ghost horse, man — what makes ya think I’d ever want or attempt to understand woodworking?”

“Guess you’ve never attempted to understand a rhetorical question, either,” Taako muttered as he crouched on the ground. Clasping the arrow between two hands, he took a deep breath, then plunged it into the coffee table. “Kravitz? I could really use your help, I won’t lie, but — but mostly, I’m worried and just checking in to make sure you’re okay —”

For a sliver of a second, everything seemed to proceed as it should, with an electric blue glow flickering to life inside the arrowhead — and then, it exploded, spitting out fragments of crystal and tongues of vicious astral fire. Taako reflexively turned his head and dropped to the floor, but still felt something sharp and burning prick into his biceps like a red-hot needle, and he held his breath until the sound of shattering crystal halted and the sound of burning wood faded to a faint sizzling.

“So, uh…” Garyl slowly backed away from Magnus’s poor table, which was already more ‘smoldering pile of ash and sapphire dust’ than it was furniture. “This ever happen before?”

“No,” Taako whispered. He raised a hand to touch the stinging point on his arm, and pulled away with a droplet of blood and a tiny pointed crystal both resting atop his index fingertip. “Never —”

“Okay, cool, that narrows down the possibilities,” Garyl concluded. “Either he’s really busy, or we’re really fucked.”

This time, Taako didn’t even bother to grab a pillow before he started screaming.

***

End Notes:

thanks for reading, comments welcomed as always!

next chapter: Ghost Fight (or in other words, we get to see what Kravitz has been up to in the meantime)

#taz #taz balance #taako taaco #kravitz taz #taakitz #angus mcdonald #lucretia taz #garyl taz #taz balance spoilers #fic: ftrala #rosalia writes fic

[rockislandadultreads]

Sometime Lovers, Complicated Relationships, & Psychological Insights: a reading list

The Ensemble by Aja Gabel

Jana. Brit. Daniel. Henry. They would never have been friends if they hadn't needed each other. They would never have found each other except for the art which drew them together. They would never have become family without their love for the music, for each other. Brit is the second violinist, a beautiful and quiet orphan; on the viola is Henry, a prodigy who's always had it easy; the cellist is Daniel, the oldest and an angry skeptic who sleeps around; and on first violin is Jana, their flinty, resilient leader. Together, they are the Van Ness Quartet. After the group's youthful, rocky start, they experience devastating failure and wild success, heartbreak and marriage, triumph and loss, betrayal and enduring loyalty. They are always tied to each other - by career, by the intensity of their art, by the secrets they carry, by choosing each other over and over again. Following these four unforgettable characters, Aja Gabel's debut novel gives a riveting look into the high-stakes, cutthroat world of musicians, and of lives made in concert. The story of Brit and Henry and Daniel and Jana, The Ensemble is a heart-skipping portrait of ambition, friendship, and the tenderness of youth.

The Marriage Plot by Jeffrey Eugenides

It's the early 1980s - the country is in a deep recession, and life after college is harder than ever. In the cafés on College Hill, the wised-up kids are inhaling Derrida and listening to the Talking Heads. But Madeleine Hanna, dutiful English major, is writing her senior thesis on Jane Austen and George Eliot, purveyors of the marriage plot that lies at the heart of the greatest English novels. As Madeleine tries to understand why "it became laughable to read writers like Cheever and Updike, who wrote about the suburbia Madeleine and most of her friends had grown up in, in favor of reading the Marquis de Sade, who wrote about deflowering virgins in eighteenth century France," real life, in the form of two very different guys, intervenes. Leonard Bankhead - charismatic loner, college Darwinist, and lost Portland boy - suddenly turns up in a semiotics seminar, and soon Madeleine finds herself in a highly charged erotic and intellectual relationship with him. At the same time, her old "friend" Mitchell Grammaticus - who's been reading Christian mysticism and generally acting strange - resurfaces, obsessed with the idea that Madeleine is destined to be his mate. Over the next year, as the members of the triangle in this amazing, spellbinding novel graduate from college and enter the real world, events force them to reevaluate everything they learned in school. Leonard and Madeleine move to a biology laboratory on Cape Cod, but can't escape the secret responsible for Leonard's seemingly inexhaustible energy and plunging moods. And Mitchell, traveling around the world to get Madeleine out of his mind, finds himself face-to-face with ultimate questions about the meaning of life, the existence of God, and the true nature of love. Are the great love stories of the nineteenth century dead? Or can there be a new story, written for today and alive to the realities of feminism, sexual freedom, prenups, and divorce? With devastating wit and an abiding understanding of and affection for his characters, Jeffrey Eugenides revives the motivating energies of the Novel, while creating a story so contemporary and fresh that it reads like the intimate journal of our own lives.

One Day by David Nicholls

15th July 1988: Emma and Dexter meet for the first time on the night of their graduation. Tomorrow they must go their separate ways. So where will they be on this one day next year? And the year after that? And every year that follows?

My Oxford Year by Julia Whelan

Set amidst the breathtaking beauty of Oxford, this sparkling debut novel tells the unforgettable story about a determined young woman eager to make her mark in the world and the handsome man who introduces her to an incredible love that will irrevocably alter her future—perfect for fans of JoJo Moyes and Nicholas Sparks. American Ella Durran has had the same plan for her life since she was thirteen: Study at Oxford. At 24, she’s finally made it to England on a Rhodes Scholarship when she’s offered an unbelievable position in a rising political star’s presidential campaign. With the promise that she’ll work remotely and return to DC at the end of her Oxford year, she’s free to enjoy her Once in a Lifetime Experience. That is until a smart-mouthed local who is too quick with his tongue and his car ruins her shirt and her first day. When Ella discovers that her English literature course will be taught by none other than that same local, Jamie Davenport, she thinks for the first time that Oxford might not be all she’s envisioned. But a late-night drink reveals a connection she wasn’t anticipating finding and what begins as a casual fling soon develops into something much more when Ella learns Jamie has a life-changing secret. Immediately, Ella is faced with a seemingly impossible decision: turn her back on the man she’s falling in love with to follow her political dreams or be there for him during a trial neither are truly prepared for. As the end of her year in Oxford rapidly approaches, Ella must decide if the dreams she’s always wanted are the same ones she’s now yearning for.

#fiction #romance #contemporary #adult fiction #book recs #reading recommendations #recommended reading #tbr #to read #books to read #booklr #book list #library #romance readers #contemporary fiction