#a year ago i was hard at work on this piece

[desi2go]

Importance

pairings: dad!Chan x mom!reader

warnings: angst, fluff

summary: Having a child with an idol isn't easy...

author's note: I'm sorry that I couldn't post anything the last two weeks. But here I am with a new one!

Marriage wasn't easy. Especially when your beloved husband was an idol. The Bang Chan, leader of Stray Kids.

Between tours and busy schedules, there was little time for your relationship. But even though it was hard and you missed him like hell when he was gone for a long time, you still didn't regret to come to your best friend Changbin's party years ago. There, you had met him.

Well, he didn't see you and accidentally poured his drink over you. When your eyes met, he was fascinated by your breathtaking beauty. Maybe it was destiny back then. It felt surreal, like he was your soulmate. The missing piece in in your heart and life.

Apologetic, he bought you a drink and after a wonderful night together, asked for your number.

Soon, he took you out on a date and there followed a second and a third, becoming a huge part in your life.

Without noticing, time passed and Chan proposed to you.

You immediately said yes and became Mrs. Bang.

The second you were married, your family asked when you both would begin to try for a baby but Chan and you wanted to wait some time before thinking about an addition to your family.

You still were young and Stray kids took much time and you understood that. Your job was also one of your top priorities and wanted to earn more money.

But it seemed that the universe had other plans with you two. Seven months after the wedding you started feeling sick. At first you brushed it off and thought that it is just a stomach bug or the stress due to work.

As the lovely but overly concerned husband that he is, Chan took you too a doctor to get a check up. Even though you found it a little bit overdramatic, he still insisted and the reason why you felt nauseous was soon found. You were indeed pregnant and already two months into pregnancy.

Sure, it wasn't planned but you and Chan felt excited to have a small addition to the family. And sooner or later it would have happend anyways.

Chan promised that when the pregnancy was farther along, he would take some time off and help you. You agreed to that and decided to work some more months too before you need to go into maternity leave.

The months passed fast and soon, you welcomed your newest family member. A girl. A sweet girl with already some black locks on her head and the same brown eyes that you fell in love with.

Chan was over the moon. Even though during labour, he was terrified. Would he be a good dad? But all these thoughts washed away when he saw the beautiful angel you both had created with your undying love.

He was the first one to hold her as her crying filled the room. Exhausted, you observed the picture in front of you. Your husband with his precious daughter that already looked like a smaller copy of him.

He was told to undress his shirt and to lay the little bundle of joy against his bare chest to help her breath and keeping her warmth while the doctor checked on you because you had lost a lot of blood during birth.

The first weeks were exhausting. Your little girl, Nari, held both of you awake most of the night. Yourself needed to heal and time to recover from the labor, so you relied mostly on your husband who took such good care for his girl. Fortunately, he got some weeks off to settle into parenthood before going back to the boys even though they nearly saw each other every day.

Since you got home from the hospital, four days after birth, they visited you to meet their 'little sister' as they called Nari. Oh lord, they were so smitten. The only one that seems not so sure about that little human was Seungmin but when he thought that nobody would watch, you catched him drawing circles over Nari's hands, smiling when she wrapped her hand around one of his fingers.

When Chan went back, the house was suddenly so empty. After weeks of being together 24/7, the sudden quiet was unfamiliar. In the mornings, Chan was already out, you loved to lay on the couch, your daughter on your chest, snuggling close to you while sleeping.

When Chan came back home in the evening, he greeted you with a kiss and immediately ran off to his daughter to tell her about his day even though she was already sleeping. You loved to observe him while cooking. You loved this little family. It was something that you ever wanted.

You really loved Nari. But after the pregnancy and early motherhood, you needed some space for yourself. You would love to spend an evening with your girls. Just making yourself look pretty and have fun without watching over a child.

Especially since you almost never leave the house except for some stroller walks and buying errands.

You asked your husband if he comes home some hours earlier so that you could enjoy your night. Immediately, he agreed and you were so grateful that he understood you.

On that day, you took your time with getting ready while your daughter slept. You hoped that Chan would be home soon so that you would be on time since you hated being late.

Minutes passed as you sat on the couch waiting for him. Minutes turned into half an hour and you wrote your girls that you would run a little late today. They were understanding.

More minutes passed and you waited already for a whole hour. You tried to call him since he was always so focused on his work so that he sometimes forgets the time.

He didn't pick up and you were already half an hour late. Your girls were already seated in your restaurant, waiting for you to show up so that they could start ordering food.

Sighing, you texted then that you couldn't make it and they shouldn't wait up on you. Frustrated, you cleared your face from the make up that was hours worth of work.

You took off the new dress that you had bought. You were so excited to wear it because it made you feel so pretty again after the pregnancy made you look bloated and your belly was still not the same then before.

You didn't know if you felt rage, sadness or disappointment that you needed to stay home because of your husband.

It wouldn't be so bad if it was the first time after he got back to work. He used to come back at a normal time to have some time with you and the baby. But as the weeks passed, he stayed later and got up earlier so that you saw him just for some minutes per day.

It was like you were all on your own here in your home. You knew from the beginning that Stray kids was really important to him but after entering parenthood you had hoped that he wouldn't stay till past midnight in the company.

You heard the key unlocking the front door and your husband finally decided to come home after he had promised you that he would be here three hours ago. He greeted you with a small peck on the forehead as you waited for him in the living room.

He looked so calm while dropping his bag to the ground and sitting down on the couch.

"Why are you standing there honey?" He asked. You crossed your arms. He didn't even remembered that this was supposed to be your night out.

"Why are you so late?" You tried to remain calm since your daughter slept in the neighbouring room.

"I was working on the newest song for stray kids" he explained.

"Oh really? Because you said you would be here hours ago" you didn't want to pick a fight. You hated fighting with him. It made your heart clench but this night was important to you.

"I'm sorry honey. But I needed to get it done"

"Well, I had plans for the night, Chan."

"Really? I'm sorry honey. I forgot and this song was important"

"The song was important? My reservation with the girls was important to me" you said and couldn't hold the calm tone that you wanted.

"I already said I'm sorry, Y/n. I got caught up in work" He grew annoyed.

"Like always. You're always so late that I wonder if you even remember that you have a family at home" You knew you were mean and unfair but all these things were twirling around your head for days.

"Of course I remember! I'm sorry that I make money for us" he exclaimed sarcastically. His voice loud, nearly shouting.

These words hurt you. He knew damn well that you aren't dependent on his money and that you make good money as well. Even though you currently took a maternity leave.

"Fuck you, Chan. You aren't the only one working. I was asking you for just one thing. Just being home a little earlier so that I could have some time for myself." You said loudly, your voice cracking in the middle as some tears stung in your eyes.

"Y/n. I-" he tried but you stopped him.

"Nari is your child too. Currently, I'm the only one she sees whether it's in the morning or in the evening. And I'm tired. Tired of being the only one raising her."

You heard cries from the other room. You must have woken up your sleeping daughter. Sighing, you excited the room and headed to Nari without waiting for an answer.

Chan knew that he went too far and that he was more away than home. And it pained him to not spend so much time with his daughter. Slowly he followed you to your daughter's room.

It was dimly lit and you sat in the rocking chair next to her crib with Nari in your arms, rocking her. He hated seeing her in distress and guilt crept up. He was a terrible father and an even more terrible husband.

You felt Chan's hot gaze on you. You knew that the guilt ate him alive right now. He couldn't fool you. Therefore you knew him too well.

After placing Nari back into her crib, giving her a light kiss on her soft skin that smelled so sweet like a baby. Your baby.

Then, you took Chan's hand and lead you outside to the kitchen, farther away from your daughter.

He just followed you, deep in thoughts.

"Y/n, I'm so sorry. I should have come early. And I know that parenting a child alone is difficult. I didn't want to lash out on you like that. I know that the meeting with your friends was important to you" he said and caressed your hand.

"I'm sorry too. It's obvious that you try to be around Nari as long and often as you can."

"No, you were right. I need to be here more. Especially with you both. I shouldn't let work take over so much" he said and pulled you into his arms.

His arms circled around your waist while yours travelled upwards into his fluffy locks. Exhausted he let his head fall on your shoulder, all the tension leaving his body.

"I love you Chan" you whispered.

"I love you too. You and Nari are the most important things in my life"

#stray kids x reader #skz imagines #skz x reader #stray kids fluff #bang chan x reader #bang chan #bang chan fluff #bang chan angst #bang chan imagines #stray kids #stray kids angst

[pepperonidk]

i. ride the sun away || all i could do

“All I could do was love you hard and let you go.” “Go and ride the sun away."

Pairing: Lee Jihoon x f!Reader Summary:  5 years ended with a note on the coffee table. Warnings: angst Word Count: 1227

A/N: Hello! It's been a long while, but this idea has been on my mind for a long time. This musical means a lot to me and so does this fic. I know Jihoon is an asshole in this... sorry lol

join the taglist! back to library || next chapter

The glint of light on the coffee table immediately drew your attention as you walked into the living room.

I called Chan and Seungcheol to help me get the rest of my stuff. I know you wanted to go see another counselor… but I don’t know what the point would be. I know I’m not the only one who’s hurting here, and I don’t see what the hell else we can do.

I don’t think you could see how deep the cracks run, or that I had run out of rope.We could keep fighting each other, keep hurting each other, but I think it’s time to just face it… I couldn’t be what you wanted.All I could do was love you – and god did I love you – love you hard and let you go.

-Jihoon

The weighty cream piece of paper lay on the coffee table and on top of it, Jihoon’s silver wedding band, identical to the one on your own finger. The lights are off, but the room is far from dark. The sun outside is at its zenith and its rays spill into the room and wash the air with enough light to see dust floating in the air. Aside from the note and silver band, glimmering in the light, nothing in the living room had been touched in weeks.

The walls are still covered in pictures of the two of you smiling and you wonder if all the “I love yous” ever meant anything or if the foundation was cracked from the beginning. You’re left with more questions than you’ll ever have answers to and all you can think of is how unfair it is that Jihoon felt that he had the right to decide that things were over.

He was the one keeping secrets. He was the one who moved on before things had even ended. He was convinced that you were the problem. He was the one running away. And you were covered in scars you didn’t earn.

I should be crying, you think to yourself. But you don’t. You haven’t cried in a while, really, because honestly, to say you didn’t see this coming would be a lie.

From the minute you met him five years ago, sitting at a table on the fourth floor of the library and madly scribbling into a worn leather notebook, you knew he was on a one way road to something bigger. You suppose it was only a matter of time that he would outgrow you too.

While nearly every other seat was occupied by students with strewn out textbooks, notebooks, and half-dead laptops cramming for midterms, he was writing a song. School was on the backburner for him (as were most other things), a backup plan in case his dreams were just a little bit too far. Interestingly enough, that was what drew you to him.

“Whatcha writing?” you had asked him, the nervous crack in your voice betraying your casual attempt at conversation. You had noticed him as soon as you sat down to study an hour ago, as he was one of the only people around without a laptop in front of him, but waited until your break to finally let your curiosity get to you. 

It took a few seconds before he realized you were speaking to him and he finally lifted his head to look at you. You couldn’t help but smile as you realized the redness on his cheek from resting it on his fist and the messy state of his dark hair.

“Me?” he questioned as you nodded.

“There’s no one else at the table,” you teased.

“Oh,” he looked around as if he hadn’t given any attention to his surroundings in a while. “I’m working on a song,” he admitted softly.

“Cool,” you replied. “Is it for a class? My friend is in a songwriting class with profe–”

“No,” he interrupted, scribbling something else down before returning his attention to you. “It’s just for fun.”

“Fun, huh?” you began. “You have time for fun in the middle of midterms?”

He let out a chuckle as he shook his head. “I like to think I have my priorities sorted,” he answered. “I’m Jihoon.” He extended his hand out for you to shake.

You looked down at his hand, noting the calluses on his fingertips before taking it in yours and introducing yourself.

“So what about you?” he returned. “What class are you studying for?”

You turned your laptop around to show him the powerpoint you had pulled up from your music and neuroscience class. “I’m actually in a class about how music affects the brain,” you explained.

Jihoon’s face lit up in interest. “Really?” he asked. “How does it affect the brain then?” It had been a while since you were able to gush about your interest in neuroscience.

“Well,” you began, pointing your finger over the brain scans on the slide. “There’s some recent studies showing that music could help treat people with Alzheimer’s and some other neurological issues in elderly people.”

You looked over to Jihoon’s brows furrowed in interest as he nodded along. “That’s pretty cool,” he mused.

“Yeah,” you continued. “I saw a couple of videos that show patients with forms of dementia suddenly remembering complex ballet dances and specific memories just from certain musical cues with synaptic activity in many voxels that–” you cut yourself off, realizing you were going to start rambling.

“That what?” Jihoon looked back up at you, clearly still interested in what you had to say.

“That uh,” you blinked at him. “This isn’t boring you?”

“Huh?” he questioned. “This is really cool,” he laughed. “As a musician, it’s nice to know music is more than just something pretty to listen to. I could be making synapses move and what not. I’ll be making an impact.”

You laughed and nodded your head. “Well, synapses don’t move,” you corrected as Jihoon rolled his eyes before giving you a smile. “But thanks.”

“For what?”

“For listening.”

It’s easy, even now, five years later, to remember the way he looked bathed in spring sunlight and the feeling of his callused hands in yours even if you couldn’t remember the last time he actually touched you. He used to trace circles against your skin, humming melodies into your ear, a soft reminder every time of the day you met.

You look down now at your hand and pull off the band, setting it down next to Jihoon’s rather than picking them both up. They’re small, but something tells you they’d be heavy like lead in your palms. So instead, you opt to leave them there, to join the rest of the abandoned and untouched reminders of a life once shared.

On another day you’d take down the pictures of Jihoon kissing your cheek at the fair, the plaque you jokingly made for him out of macaroni after his first single first charted, and the blanket he bought you from Germany on his first tour. Maybe one day you’ll find a lesson to learn in all of this. But all of that would wait till another day when you can begin to move forward the way Jihoon has. But today, you choose to return to your room, to hold onto some semblance of familiarity, still hurting.

taglist: @sana-is-ms-rmty @yksthings @iamxelia @coveyland @xuimhao

#lee jihoon #woozi #seventeen fluff #seventeen scenarios #seventeen x reader #woozi x reader #woozi scenarios #woozi fluff #lee jihoon x reader #woozi angst #lee jihoon angst #seventeen angst

[stephaniebrownslover]

Hİİİİ YET ANOTHER ANON

Can I ask about Creepypasta ages headcanons in your main AU??

THANK YOU FROM NOW <333

HIIIIIIII NEW ANON, YOU'RE SO SWEET<3333

Okay thank you so much for asking, you guys are literally spoiling me, like I'm having a little heart attack whenever someone asks me something.

I don't want this post just be numbers so I'll give a random fact about main characters' most important birthday day and something about non-human characters, hope you don't mind. It's mostly angst and I'm so sorry about that.

YOU'RE WELCOME AND I REALLY HOPE YOU LIKE IT<333

I know most of the ages sound ridiculous but it's really hard to attach them all together :(

Characters' Ages And Facts About Main Characters' Most Important Birthday

Au's ships: TicciWork, NinaKate, MaryJane and Bloody Angel(probably should've said this earlier)

Current year: 2014

Main characters

-Jeff The Killer: 20

Jeff got burned at the age of 15, at his most important birthday. His parents were seeing a therapist while Liu was still in prison, and his therapist made a suggestion to Jeff's parents to organize a birthday party for cheering Jeff up. Jeff can never forget the day he was burned alive because his whole life was shaped by it. That's why he hates his own birthday and attacks if anyone tries to celebrate besides Liu.

- Clockwork: 20

Clockwork's most important birthday is the 18th age. Because that was the first year she wasn't on her own. Jeff, Toby, Nina were close friends of Clockwork at the time and each had their own small-scale celebration. For the first time, Clockwork didn't hate her own birthday. That's how she got into the habit of celebrating other people's birthdays, if she felt good about something stupid like that, the people who cared about her might also deserve to feel good in a stupid way, or something like that.

- Hoodie: 25

According to Brian, the most important birthday is the one he celebrated at the age of 10. His family had taken him to see a theater as a gift, and little Brian was so impressed that he was literally obsessed with theater performances and musicals after that show. Even though 10-year-old Brian is the reason why he is where he is right now, Hoodie never blames him for following his dream.

- Masky: 26

His most important birthday is the 20th, when he started working under Slenderman's orders. The year he realized that his life would be like this and that he would have to spend more than he hoped in this job, that fighting would only cause him to die sooner. Obviously, he didn't care about himself, he'd rather die than live this way, but he didn't want to leave Brian alone.

- Ticci Toby: 19

15th birthday. The last year he celebrated with Lyra and his mother since he was a proxy at the age of 16, he celebrated rest of his birthdays as a proxy. Toby doesn't remember all of his memories, and although most of the time his memories are more like pieces, he knows that two women named Lyra and Connie are worth worlds to him. And every time the fragments of that birthday come in front of him, he feels nothing but happiness.

-Eyeless Jack: 21

↺Actually, if he was still alive, he would have been 34. Because he was 21 when he died during the ritual in 1980.

The most important birthday is the year he received the letter of admission to medical school at the age of 18. He had received this a letter a few days ago, and he and his family had thrown a big party to celebrate it. Although he spent his 19th birthday, his first year of studying med, with his family, the most important thing for him is his 18th age.

-Jane The Killer: 22

21, when Mary proposed to her on her birthday. Jane was in a very emotionally repressed state after all her trauma, and Mary could no longer control her feelings for her. While Jane and her lover Mary were sitting in a fashionable restaurant, Mary proposed to Jane. And when there was a lot of opposition because the age group was generally old due to the cost of the restaurant, Jane kissed her on the lips so as not to discourage Mary. The best birthday of her life.

-X-Virus: 17

7th age. That year, he had gone to the zoo on a school trip and celebrated his birthday with the animals there instead of people. This is the biggest proof that he prefer animals' existence to humans. Of course, he might have been happier if a monkey hadn't stolen his food, but little Cody wasn't mad at the monkey then. And when the monkey saw that Cody was upset later, he gave him some of his food anyway.

-Nina The Killer: 19

16th birthday. She and Jeff hadn't made up yet and it was a day when she was really hurt emotionally by him. Her close friend Kate, who saw this, tried to kill Jeff. Although Nina could hardly stop her, Kate was convinced later and they went to hang out at Kate's special place together. Kate was a really special friend to Nina, and she liked that she knew that Kate opened herself up so much. And when Kate dropped her home in the evening, she found Toby and Clockwork were clumsily trying to celebrate her birthday, she cried because of cuteness.

-Kate The Chaser: 20

The first year she spent with Nina as a lover, 20th age. They had become lovers a few months ago, and unlike other proxies, Kate did not remember anything about her past, so she had no memories to miss. Nina had known her since she found Jeff at the age of 15 and was after him. They became close friends when Kate was 17 and Nina was 16, and they started dating when Nina was 19 and Kate was 20. Their relationship began when Kate took pity on Nina and helped her, and Nina helped her during difficult times where Kate tried to expertize in proxy work. The year they became lovers, Nina organized a special day just for the two of them, knowing that she wouldn't want a big party, and Kate's favorite moment was when they watched the sunset with one head phone.

Main supporting characters

-Homicidal Liu: 18

-Sally: 13

↺If she was still alive, she would have been 55 years old. She died in 1972.

-Ben Drowned: 12

↺If he had continued to live, he would have been 32 years old. He died in 1994.

- Puppeteer: 23

↺ If his heart was still beating, he would have been 37 years old. He died in 2000.

-Zero: 24

-Nurse Ann: 27

↺If her heart had been alive, she would have been 33 years old. She died in 2008.

-Bloody Painter: 17

-Judge Angels: 17

-Mary Vaughn: 22

Supporting characters

-Lulu: 16

-Laughing Jack: 214

↺He was produced in 1800.

-Nightmare Ally: 15

↺If she was still human, she would have been 55 years old. She died in 1974.

- Kagekao: 29

↺If he was still a human, he would have been 34 years old. He died in 2009.

-Rouge: 32

-Jason The Toymaker: 134

↺He was produced in 1880.

-Laughing Jill: 114

↺She was produced in 1900.

Background characters

-Slenderman: 2500+(?)

↺It is not known exactly when he was born, some say that there are drawings of him even in ancient Egypt.

- Emra: 25

↺If she was still alive, she would have been 37 years old. She died in 2002.

-Dr. Smiley: 33

-Cat Hunter: 30

-Zalgo: ?

↺It is estimated that his existence endured back even before the earliest times of humanity.

-Weeping Forest: 16

↺If she had not undergone this change, she would have been 56 years old. She died in 1974.

#jeff the killer #creepypasta #creepypasta fandom #creepypasta headcanon #clockwork #creepy #ticci toby #creepypasta clockwork #creepypasta headcanons #hoodie creepypasta #masky creepypasta #ticci toby creepypasta #nina the killer #kate the chaser #jane the killer #homicidal liu #zero creepypasta #nurse ann #judge angels #eyeless jack #laughing jack #x virus #ben drowned #puppeteer #mary Vaughn #bloody painter #lulu #sally creepypasta #rouge #ninakate

[myfairkatiecat]

Guest pastor at the church I play piano for decided to be a real piece of work this week :)

Okay gonna put the rant under the cut in case someone doesn’t feel like scrolling past my indignant ranting about the guest pastor at my church

we’ve had arguments in the past over picking hymns. Because that’s my job. If she were the actual pastor she’d get final say, but as I am the one actually employed at this church and she is a guest, technically I get the final say.

That’s technically. But in practice, I’m seventeen, and she’s sixty-something, and I don’t like getting into arguments with people with a lot of years on me.

But she picks gross hymns that no one can sing, and the congregation backed me and said I need to get to pick the hymns. So we compromised. She picks the middle hymn, I pick the opening and closing hymns.

Whatever. That’s only one weird hymn a week.

Weird hymns are also really hard to play because they make no musical sense (there’s a reason no church ever sings them ever). So I spend most of my time practicing the weird song.

Today I got to the church and I practiced briefly the ones I picked, and then extensively the weird one she picked.

Then, one minute til the service starts—and I mean 9:59 for a 10:00 service—she says, “just to be clear—we aren’t doing number 650, we’re doing ‘his banner over me is love.’”

And I was like 🧍‍♀️ what

And she’s like “I emailed you this weeks ago…..”

So I pulled up the email she sent me weeks ago and pointed to the fact that she said we were doing hymn 650. Which was a horrible terrible disgusting hymn I never want to ever have to play ever again ever

She points to the bottom of the email, which is a link to Ultimate Guitar, and says, “but we talked about this song and you said you loved it and already knew it!”

And I was like

Huh

I’ve never heard that song in my life

What the heck are you talking about. That conversation definitely did not happen.

So I’m like “listen. That’s a link to chords on ultimate guitar for a song I don’t know. You said you’d ‘love to play it during the sermon’ underneath the part where you explicitly said we were going to sing hymn 650 this week. I can read chords, but I don’t know the melody so that doesn’t really do anyone any good. I assumed when I first got this email that when you said you’d love to play this song during the sermon, you meant that you’d have a recording, because in the past you’ve played recordings of songs before during your sermons. It was also below you explicitly saying that we were doing hymn 650, and we’ve established that you only pick one song a week.”

And she said, “I only picked one song… it’s this song”

And I’m like “then WHAT IS THIS??” Because the email she sent DEFINITELY had that song explicitly written on it!

She kept not answering that part and I couldn’t isolate the question and force and answer cause like I said it was 9:59 for a 10:00 service

So I told her, “I’m not going to play this song, because I don’t know it and you did not make clear that I was supposed to learn it, you also didn’t send me actual sheet music for it and explicitly named your one hymn choice for this week that you are now saying I wasted my time learning.”

So she’s all upset and passive aggressive like “whatever 🙄 we’ll just sing it without music. I’ll teach it to them. EXCUSE ME EVERYONE! IM GONNA TEACH YOU A SONG NOW!”

And the congregation is kinda like……ok??????

And she starts singing but no one can follow her because she’s not really in any particular key……..

So uh

That’s my story from this morning

*deep breaths* I am a Christian and Christians love I am a Christian and Christians love I am a Christian and Christians love

#Christianity #Katie’s church job

[rustbeltjessie]

My favorite type of zine is the ‘perzine,’ which is a portmanteau of ‘personal zine.’ Perzines can include any type of content, but rather than just being a zine of, say, recipes or photographs or poems, that content is interspersed with stories and musings from the author’s own life. Other times, the author uses traditional fanzine ‘tropes’ to write about their own lives and feelings—for example: they write a film review that’s really about watching said film as a child, or they review non-traditional things like jobs they’ve had or shoes they’ve worn. And, many times, all the content is just straight-up personal essay or memoir, woven together around a theme or a particular span of time. I like perzines because one of my favorite things about zines is the chance to get inside the head of the creator(s), to walk around in their high-top Chucks or Dr. Martens boots. And because, since zines are DIY ventures without institutional approval or corporate funding, anyone can tell their stories in zine-form—and often times, the stories you find there are by people who would not otherwise be represented in more mainstream publications.

Certain zines have had as much impact on me and my writing as any mainstream or canonical work of literature I’ve ever read. There are zines I have read so often their covers have fallen off and their pages have torn. There are things I’ve read in zines that have etched themselves into my very marrowbones.

—Jessie Lynn McMains, from “International Zine Month” (July 2021)

#jessie lynn mcmains #zines #international zine month #perzine #perzines #a year ago i was hard at work on this piece #which was my first piece as racine writer-in-residence #my writing #creative nonfiction #prose

[gardenofhope]

gayass looking squid

#splatoon #salmon run #splatsona #sona xenon #sunny’s art #errm this is like a celebration piece I made for myself #since I picked up salmon run again during inkblot big run exactly a year ago!! #a year of progress and I am now cutely 800+ hours in this game and cracked at salmon run <3 #I’m proud of my badges :3c I worked hard for them #I only really play salmon run idrc about pvp #anyways I’m excited for big run next week I’m gonna aim for top 5% again

[135crow]

I told him he's got that manfred von karma drip and now i have to die

while coloring i remembered a dream i had a while back where i saw two sabo memes, since the drawing had the same color scheme as the first one

although he was standing in that one and tipping his head while his hand was on fire or something, i still added the caption to it (and it seems to be more fitting)

for the second one not even dream me had any idea what it meant but i found it hilarious (why is he in super smash bros ??)

#sabo for smash #legit he was on that metroid map #i had no energy to draw a hot minute ago why did i whip out the most detailed drawing i made in years(?) #100% because i have exams coming up i'm stressed over so i'm doing everything to not think about it or study like a logical person would #yes i usually have no emergy to go further than sketching #when you worked hard to draw that fucked up dragon claw and now it's not even visible because of the flame </3 #i usually don't draw him because i always fail miserably #op #one piece #sabo #revolutionary sabo #drawing #art #one piece meme #don't mess with the feral sewer rat type of guy #dressrosa spoilers #fanart #fan art

[kennys-parka-jacket]

Tbh I'm glad that sp artists dont do that "reblogs > likes" thing. I was a little worried when a few people put it on their posts a while back, but it died off pretty quickly.

#1) 'always reblog every single piece of fan art you interact with' wouldnt really work in this fandom since liking sp is considered- #-taboo on tumblr. Reblogging sp fan art requires admitting to your moots that you like sp. That's why a lot of popular sp fan art has- #-really high like to reblog ratios #2) from what i've seen most of the artists doing the 'reblogs > likes' people are fresh from twitter and mostly only care about the numbers #-tumblr is getting more traffic now than it did a few years ago; but it's still not where you want to go if reaching a lot of people- #-is all that you want #3) not too long ago i was in another fandom where begging for reblogs was common practice. Let me tell you how that turned out. - #-first it started as 'reblogs > likes' on every piece of fan art. Then it was posts going around saying that 1 to 10 reblogs to likes was- #-a pathetically sad ratio. Then it was 'always reblog because you are singlehandedly responsible for an artist's mental health'. - #-then it was putting 'please reblog; likes do NOTHING' on every fan art. Then it was begging for even more reblogs because- #-1 to 2 likes to reblogs ratio was pathetically sad. Then it was 'by not reblogging you are telling an artist to end it all' gaining- #-traction among rpf proshippers. #Look. I get it. I'm not as public about it anymore; but i'm a fan artist and fic author too. I sympathize with working hard on something- #-and wanting a lot of people to see it. But if people quiely appreciating your work is affecting you that much then maybe you need to- #-work on yourself instead of trying to control what a bunch of strangers on the internet do. #Also you need to learn how to enjoy creating without caring about the numbers. Because if you're creating just to watch- #-the numbers go up then you will never be happy. It's a miserable; joyless way to be an artist of any kind

[evansbby]

.

#I hate my dad so much #he just said the most calculatedly mean thing he could possibly say to me #it’s like he paused and thought about what would hurt me and then said it #is everyone’s dad an emotionally abusive piece of shit or is it just me #and I hate the way he treats my mom #and she’s just supposed to take it and if she even says anything to defend herself #he acts like the biggest man child and throws a tantrum #everyone in this house just walks on eggshells around him #do men just never grow up???? #he’s just been so nasty towards me lately #like I just can’t wrap my head around it #like he’s been emotionally abusive for years but that’s nothing new #me and my siblings have long ago learnt to laugh and brush it off and make a joke out of it #but what he did today was so mean #I was more astonished #like imagine your own father saying something so nasty to you #I wonder if he knows that he’s alienated all of his children #and sometimes I feel so bad for him #does anyone else have this cycle of hating their dad then also feeling sorry for him??? #bc I know he works so hard and I know he loves us and has done a lot for us #I know that!!! #but does that excuse his behaviour??? #are we all meant to just firm it and shrug it off and just let him do and say whatever??? #usually I always stand up to him and yell at him and tell him to his face whatever I have to say #but lately it’s like… what’s the point? it’s like talking to a brick wall #I will say that he does apologise to me sometimes #but what’s the point of an apology if you keep doing it again and again #and how can you say something so nasty to your own daughter #with the INTENT to make me feel bad and insecure??? #I already have this thing that everyone hates me and he fed into that and said something he knew would hurt me

[strrwbrrryjam]

it's so hard getting back into things that i used to do, because I'm constantly haunted of the fact that i used to be better at this, i used to be easily able to draw the characters i love, i used to be able to write for hours on end, i used to do able to do this stuff without breaking down into tears, reminded by the fact that i lost something and that no matter how much i try i will never get it back, and I'm so tired.

#i know it's a process. and i won't know until i try and i practice yada yada #the point i'm trying to say is that i know. and i did the work years ago. but overtime i lost that. i lost a piece of me. #and i am constantly reminded of the fact that i am not the same. that i went through hell and I'm still going through it #and because of that hell i'm still deeply changed by it and i wish i wasn't. i wish i hadn't lost that part of me and I'm just so sick of i #idk #i'm trying. i'm trying so hard. i shouldn't be crying over drawing something that i used to do to make me happy. #it shouldn't bring me so much stress and it sucks and I'm upset. idk. #strawberry speaks #private

[essektheylyss]

So often I consider writing a post on various different ways of using point of view and tense and why you would use any of them and how it might affect what you're trying to say, but honestly there is no way to write that post that would not be only a minute sample of uses and rationales and circumstances, and in the end the meaning would simply boil down to, "Literally everything a writer puts down on a page is a choice that has meaning and effects so you might as well make the choices intentionally before you inadvertently step on your own story."

#and really at that point you might as well go read body work by melissa febos instead #I've said it before and I'll say it again: I do mean LITERALLY everything. #I am actually EXACTINGLY intentional in my writing #to the point that I can fully identify EXACT things that I chose to do for reasons I didn't much like #and still now am annoyed at myself for doing. #like there is ONE specific thing in luminous worlds that I did out of lack of confidence and yanno what? still annoyed about it. #(it's published and done tho and that was the choice I made so I have left it and moved on cuz the lesson was learned.) #I was editing the piece I mentioned this weekend and there was one point where the manner of address was in dispute #and the editor had said to explain if I really felt strongly about not making a change #and I did take many of the changes suggested cuz they didn't do anything to the meaning OR they actually clarified a meaning #but this one which I had done somewhat unconsciously I realized like. no that actually has a purpose and meaning. #I'm really not saying 'agonize over every aspect' but like... idk understand WHY you're doing things #do! not! ever! compromise! on your intentions in a story! #anyway this is my only only only hard rule of writing #every time I have compromised on this rule I have regretted it #but I still love things I wrote years ago because I judge all pieces on whether or not they did what I intended. #if they accomplished that? they were good and they're still good.

[numbuh424]

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#I try to always remind myself that if me from 3 or 5 or 8 years ago saw my art she'd be so stoked abt it #bc the algorithm is almost never in my favor and it's hard not to sometimes feel :/ when I work on something for so long #and literally right after posting it I alr see it gathering dust lol #the algorithm is especially gonna be a huge asshole towards me now that I'm busy with school and can't post regularly #but it's not like it was any different anyways even when I was posting literally every week #I have my excuses now for not posting regularly but if posting like once or twice a month has no difference from posting like twice a week #then I may permanently just slow my posting bc it is genuinely hitting how hard I was trying to get a fully rendered new thing out weekly #idk idk drawing is so fun and I could do it forever but posting it online sometimes does not bode well for how I perceive my work #yes likes n follows don't matter in the grand scheme of things blah blah blah but a steady following can't hurt #especially since that sometimes translates to getting more commissions #or hell just hearing something abt my work in return #I spend way too much time wondering what it is I'm doing wrong and cope with it by starting a new piece everytime #hence why I draw as much as I did/do lol #this turned out to be longer than I expected I hope no one read thru all this go look at my art instead #elle is talking again #dumps this all on tumblr so I can continue to seem mysterious and nonchalant on other social media 🚶‍♀️

[splatoonmaster69]

by the way look at my art

#art #my art #drawing #digital drawing #digital art #only the first 5 tags work according to ppl on here so there #first piece took me 7 hours so frankly i cant even go 'well i guess i didnt work that hard on it' #both of these are commisions btw. but it was for someone irl. though i guess thats obvious bcuz no1 on here even glances at my art #YES I AM STILL MAD ABOUT THAT #literally every drawing ive ever posted has gotten like 4 notes at most #the only drawings that ever got more than that were the fucking sanders sides ones #do you know how annoying it is? to know your work is infinitely better than it used to be and yet your most popular piece is from years ago #really shouldnt be saying this in the tags of my art. itll completely ruin the mass appeal. that is it would if it had any

[im2tired4usernames]

Every single time I defend someone shitty who has done nothing but be a cunt to me because they did 1 (ONE ) decent thing THEY ALWAYS TURN AROUND AND DO SOMETHING SO MUCH WORSE TO ME

#every single time i praise aomeone for turning a new leaf they fuck me over #my life is continuing getting worse and worse and worse and worse and i really don't know how much longer i want to deal with this shit #if things do not change soon I'm quitting I'll run away and i will never come back #i praise y sister for growing up she steals and then lies about it and i print with out a shadow of a doubt she did it wont admit it #coworker who bums job off onto me dose. one piece of work then fucked off and dowe nothing else all day then spreads rumors i lied about my #moms cancer #like i can pull up her obituary bitch #dad dose 1 nice thing then like let's me go to bed instead of doing all the dishes that accumulate while i was at work #then need day turns me back into a slave #is goin to marry his yandere bitch gf my mother has not been dead a year yet good for him #I'm done #i hate being alive i can't daydream about anything anymore except death #i used to be able to daydream ocs n stories that stopped years ago then it was day dreaming about a better life with my wife #that's hard to believe it'll ever happen in just trapped and my dad constantly discourages me getting independent or doin anything for mysel #no don't get a full time job don't move out you cam never do it no don't try to learn sewing again doing try dnd again doing make new friend #don't do anything to make like nice #I'm allowed Wednesday nights after the kids go to church and that's it and if it clashes with family aucks to be me #and i don't get to make. it up the next day like dad #i cant stand my life i hate it so much #i hate my family minus my four youngest siblings #i hate my job i hate waking up i hate feeling exhausted all the time #being alive is disappointment and work I'm tired of it #I'm tired #i dont want to do this anymore #i need something to change but I'm trapped nothing will change unless i do it #and i hate that I'll probably have to leave ao much behind

[pears-trinkets]

.

#i just wanna have artist friends again to talk about art and hype each other up o(-( #share techniques and fandoms and have ocs together #i feel like i cant do art or feelings on my own anymore i need someone to feel it with me #but also depending on people like that is unfair so i stopped doing it and my heart was shattered into a million pieces #i had so many issues drawing the past 4 years and i only have one friend and they dont draw and are aq #are awkward with words but when i send them a photo of me trying to draw they literally didnt say anything and that was just :') #ive been struggling so much because of twitter and everyone i knew seeing my breakdown 4 years ago and knowing how many bridges i burned #and how difficult it is for me to draw at all and then share my art online and my friend told me its okay just share it with me #and when they dont say anything in me screams and feels so rejected i want to never talk to anyone ever again #im literally a shell of a human struggling with everything im a trauma response on two legs #and i wanna channel that into my two oc boys both being traumatized and leaning on each other but that also makes me feel so vulnerable #i feel like my existence is so pointless and just a burden on everyone who ever crossed paths with me #i imagine everyone i ever knew just talking badly about me how obnoxious i am and how selfish and ignorant and hurtful #and how happy they are about my downfall #im on mental sick leave and have finally a bit of time to catch my breath and im drawing again and feel better but i need to return to work #i cant do this #im so privileged and i still feel so bad and its so hard #i feel like every privilege i have will be followed by the most gruesome horrible thing because i dont deserve it and im unworthy of it #i dont think ill ever be able to build normal human relationships ever again ill shrivel up alone and die without anyone caring #while my mom is telling me im doing it on purpose and because i reject everyone #why is existing to painful and why am i doing worse worse doing it

[foone]

How come no young earth creationists go searching for the tower of babel?

Like, people have legitimately tried to find Noah's ark, which was made of wood. Yes I know you only believe the world is 6000 years old or whatever, but do you understand how dry rot works? Do you know how hard it would be to find pieces of a boat from several millenia ago?

And the Garden of Eden! You aren't supposed to be able to go there, but how could you even find it? A few centuries of neglect and it's gone, let alone millenia.

But the tower of babel? That was made of brick, by humans. God only stopped the workers from finishing it, they don't blow it up or anything. It should still be there! Go find it, young earth creationists!

#biblical shitposting