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#alfred is there too
cubbiekins · 8 months
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*The whole Batfam staring at a building lit on fire that have the words : Fuck You, B!*
Jason, laughing his lungs out : I didn’t do it!
Dick, half-horrified half-amused : Then why are you laughing?
Jason : Cuz who ever did is a fucking genius! HAH!
Tim and Damian, slowly inching away : …
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ghost-bxrd · 1 month
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Let’s amp up the “Jason says ow and the batfam thinks he must be gravely injured” headcanon.
Jason calls Bruce or Dick for fun and says nothing but “goodbye” before hanging up (maybe it’s a dare by Roy who TOTALLY suspects the reaction Jay is gonna get).
Ten minutes late the entire Justice League is scouring Gotham, on the hunt for Jason.
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nerdpoe · 4 months
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Alfred is getting up there in age. It's time for him to go see the Ghost King, and uphold his end of their deal.
He tells Bruce that he needs to return to England for a bit, to meet up with some old friends.
Gets the Manor prepared for life without him.
And as he's standing in his room, luggage packed and ready to go, Bruce knocks on the door.
"You don't have any plane tickets purchased," Bruce starts, looking concerned.
"Indeed, I have not."
"There's no correspondence between you or your friends to indicate a visitation."
"I suppose I should have expected your insatiable curiosity would lead to that breach of privacy," Alfred sighs, resting a hand on his luggage.
"...Where are you really going?"
Alfred doesn't answer. Bruce has dug enough, and perhaps he deserves a little confusion.
What Alfred does do is snap a small, glowing crystal. One that looked like Kryptonite, but was not.
A portal opens before him, and before Bruce can reach him, Alfred calmly steps through.
The portal shuts behind him.
He turns to face the Ghost King.
"Ã̵͙̤̚͜r̶͓̓ȇ̵̢͝ ̸̝͂͠ẙ̶̘̳̿o̷͈̎͋̽u̵͈̔ ̸̖͉̔ṛ̸̅̀͆e̸͉̓̂͒a̴̻̓͝d̵̬̉̏̉ỳ̶̬͂̕?̴̼̈́͗̀"
Alfred nods.
The Ghost King's face breaks out into a wide smile.
"I believe I have put together a menu that will satisfy you, My King."
~~~~~~
Two months later sees Alfred being given another crystal, and a portal opened for him back to the Manor.
Alfred steps through, a bounce in his step and not a speck of grey in his hair, looking for all the world like he's twenty again.
Now, how is he going to explain this to the very sleep-deprived looking Master Tim sitting on his bedroom floor, staring at him with unfocused eyes?
Or: Alfred made a deal with the Ghost King when he was twenty and dying in the remains of his ship, just after the Battle of Trafalgar in 1805. If he can cook food the King has never tasted before, and keep it up for two months, the King will put forward his case to the God of Time and rewind him to the point in his life three days before he was grievously wounded. Basically, he gets to go back to being a 20 year old. He staves it off for as long as he can, often getting quite elderly, before breaking that crystal and serving two months of full courses to the King of the Dead. He hasn't told anyone this.
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frownyalfred · 5 months
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a random socialite at a fundraiser: you know Bruce, that boy of yours is getting to be a little too pretty. heh.
Bruce Wayne, who was also "too pretty" at fourteen and is absolutely ready to castrate anyone who even looks at Dick directly: oh?
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noisetwister · 1 year
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the batfam but dick never told anyone about tim’s violent rampage as red robin during bruce’s disappearance.
*in an argument* tim: at least i’m not as bloodthirsty and violent as you! jason: you literally killed so many people when bruce was missing tim! you crossed lines even i wouldn’t, so what’s that about???
*the whole room goes silent, everyone slowly turns their head towards jason as tim just glares at the floor. dick is sending a desperate “ABORT. STOP.” signal with his eyes while making a cut-throat motion with his hands, damian is staring at tim in absolute disbelief and bruce, who was reading the newspaper, just peers over the top with a strained smile and goes: “what lines did he cross, jason?”. chaos ensues.*
bonus: alfred just sipping tea while observing the whole shouting match from the kitchen. he won’t intrude, he’s been waiting for this to happen for a very, very long time.
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ruenii · 1 year
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Tim, [pointing his staff at the human traffickers]: YOU ARE OUTGUNNED
Jason, [hyping him up]: WHAT?
Tim: OUTMANNED!
Jason: WHAT?!
Tim: OUTNUMBERED OUTPLANNED
Jason: PAY YOUR FUCKING TAXES!
Tim: PUT YOUR GUNS DOWN ON MY COMMAND
Jason: HAND EM OVER!!
Tim: THIS IS HAMILTON MY RIGHT HAND MAN!
Jason, [getting his guns out]: PWO PWO PWO PWO PWO-
Goons: *shaking* what the FUCK are Batman feeding his partners--
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celaenaeiln · 9 months
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JL: Nightwing! It’s a delight to see you! You should come by more often.
Nightwing: Thank you! I’m so sorry, work has been piling up on me but I’ll try to drop by the office party this Sunday.
JL: Ofcourse! Looking forward to seeing you there. By the way, is Batman coming late?
Nightwing: No, I’ll be filling in for him today.
JL: Did something happen?
Nightwing: Nothing much, he’s just grounded.
JL: ???
48 hours earlier
Dick: Bruce, I’m telling you now and we’ve had this conversation before but you need to build a better rapport with your children. They look up to you as a father figure and your actions influence their behavior.
Bruce: …hmrgh
Dick: And you might not be aware but you unconconscious behavior is damaging. Tim has picked up your terrible habit of constantly working in front of a screen-it’s going to strain his eyes. He’s always inside too, so you need to make him go outside more. I’m not always here, I have an entire city to run, the titans need me, I'm mentoring hundreds of heroes, the Justice League calls on me to help them, and I need to keep up with my social life. The people in Bludhaven where I teach and work also call me if I’m gone for a day-the point is-I can’t always be playing second parent here in Gotham.
Bruce: ……hmrgh
Dick: Damian always looks up to you
Bruce: *side eyes*
Dick: He does! See you don’t even realize it! He wants to make you proud and Jason gets mad when you don’t make time for him because he cares too. Stephanie doesn’t have a dad she can turn to and it would mean the world to her if you took her out to an amusement park or something. When was the last time you spent time with her.
Bruce: ….hmrgh
Dick: And-
1 hour later
Dick: -that’s why you need to stop working, go to them right now, and bond with them.
Bruce:
Dick:
Bruce: ……...hmrgh
Dick: I’m waiting.
Bruce: *dragging himself off the batcave chair and begrudgingly trudging upstairs under Dick’s watchful eye*
Bruce: *listening to the sounds of his kids in the living room and pumping himself up* Better relationships mean better teamwork. Better relationships mean better teamwork. Better relationships mean better teamwork. And Dick. Do it for him.
Bruce: *entering* *clearing his throat* Children. We will be going-
*The living room is in utter chaos. The cushions are strewn and ripped with stuffing coating the couches and floor which for some reason is stained yellow, the flower vase is shattered and so is the table it was sitting on, there’s string confetti on the chandelier, there’s spray paint and neon goo across the walls and in Tim’s hair, Jason has deep claw marks down his face as he wrestles with Damian who’s sporting massive bruise on his cheek and trying his hardest to bite him, Stephanie is dunking Tim’s face in a tub of soda which splashed everywhere while he’s ripping out Jason’s hair and also trying to kick Damian with his foot, the tv has massive spiderwebs and looping on tellatubies like a broken record machine, Titus is spitting out a feather while a random goose runs around honking while Alfred the cat chases after it at full speed, knocking down decades old paintings.*
Bruce:
Bruce:
Bruce:
Bruce: *rolling up his sleeves and stomping forward to join the fight* HMRGH.
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not-another-robin · 2 months
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Pregnant Madam gives birth in the batmobile.
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Who could the father be.......
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nelkcats · 9 months
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Immortal Nanny
Bruce Wayne had never been a father. He knew what it was like to be a good father, and he knew what good fathers should be like, but adopting Richard was an impulse, a moment when he decided to give a child the comfort he needed, as he himself had needed in the past.
But just because he knew and understood didn't mean he could do it, or that he could become a good father instantly. Alfred would be a great help, of course, but it was he who had to raise the boy, Alfie was too old to start raising another child.
So, it was only natural that he forgot all about his busy life as "Brucie Wayne", adopting Dick hadn't stopped the million interviews or meetings, and while Alfred was extremely capable, Bruce still decided to hire a nanny.
Daniel Nightingale was a bit of an outsider (in a good way), he was studying at Gotham U, and was doing very well in his chosen career; though his records were strangely empty, Bruce knew he could trust him. His tired look and the shy smile he gave him upon arriving at the mansion was enough to calm his concerns.
Perhaps it was because he was just starting out as Batman at the time that he didn't investigate further.
Anyway, Dick loved Danny, from that first day, he used to tell Bruce about his "adventures" and how much fun he had. On one occasion he even told him they had a snowball fight (which confused him, because it was July but he was too tired to question the excited kid).
So, Danny became Dick's, and later Jason's, official nanny. He never complained and always smiled. The boy got along quite well with Alfred and would attend to any emergency, although he was never involved in the vigilante business.
It was only after Jason's death, when Tim arrived, that someone began to question Danny. Tim wasn't sure about Danny, there were a lot of things...that just didn't fit, and if the old photos of the mansion were any indication, the nanny wasn't getting any older.
Dick wasn't ten anymore and that was pretty obvious, but Danny looked exactly the same. Tim frowned, puzzled as to how no one had investigated such an oddity before. Alfred simply looked at him with an amused smile. He wondered how long it would take for the family to notice the (rather obvious) secrets of the elusive nanny.
Alfred couldn't blame the boy, the easiest way to hide something was in plain sight. And he knew the halfa would never hurt his family.
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puppetmaster13u · 6 months
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Mini Prompt
9 year old Dick: What are you writing?
Alfred: The government wants to know what kind of weapons we have in the house, I am simply letting them know it's private information.
5 year old Jason: ...this just says 'fuck around and find out' in cursive
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deadsetobsessions · 4 months
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DC X DP WRITING PROMPT:
Danny can hear the screams of the dead, the echoes of ghosts- shades of the dead- unpowered by ectoplasm. It’s his right as the High King of the Infinite Realms.
And during his weekly floats through his home planet to de-stress (no one ever attacks during these floats because a cranky and stressed Danny is a bad time for everyone involved), he comes across the Joker, torturing Tim Drake into becoming Joker Junior. More like he was lead there by the vortex of shades screaming at Joker to let the kid go and versions other threats or incoherent screams of pain and hatred.
He punts the clown into the sun (or in a ditch because Gotham is not known for her love of the thing called “sunlight”) and gathers up a sobbing Tim (JJ) who’s cackling through his tears like the laugh is being torn out of him, and flies away. Danny figures out his own personal ectoplasm shots help the insanity because Tim’s died before (and got brought back) via electro therapy shocks. Danny sees so much of himself in Tim and the potential for both immense good and immense evil and realizing they’re both choosing to seclude themselves to not harm others (Tim locks himself in his room to stop throwing things at Danny when he slips into insanity- which, it doesn’t actually affect Danny because he can turn intangible). Danny realizes that it’s not healthy and it doesn’t make anyone happy, so he works with himself and Tim to heal. Basically, Tim and Danny finds family in each other and heals while Batman, Nightwing, and Alfred loses their shit searching for Tim (“YOU LET JOKER KILL ANOTHER ONE OF MY BROTHERS, B!) (I WON’T LET YOU SHOULDER THE WEIGHT OF KILLING SOMEONE.) (I WOULD SHOULDER ANYTHING IF IT MEANT KEEPING TIM SAFE FROM THE JOKER!!!) (I can’t lose another son, Alfred) (I know, master Bruce. I know.)
Anyways, they find themselves back and Jason’s like hey I’m gonna kill the next Robin- oh wait Joker’s dead huh how’d that happen and then he’s like wtf do you mean “joker junior” wtf wtf wtf
Aunt Harley gets some of her own therapy and tracks Danny down to apologize to Tim, but stays away just in case she triggers an attack. She’s a villain, she’s done some horrible things and felt no guilt for it, but Tim was a line she thought she’d never cross and it kills her
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darkeneddawning · 10 months
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Escaped clone au
You know all those fics where Danny and Damian are twins but everyone first assumes Danny must be a clone? How about an au where Danny is Damian's clone who escaped the League after he was assumed dead. Damian could even have been the one to have "killed" him, back when Danny was a newly created, fully brainwashed clone minion and trying to kill Damian himself.
Danny gets adopted by the Fentons and canon goes on as normal, until Dan. Witnessing what would happen to the world should he turn evil really drove home to Danny how dangerous he is.
Even if he was confident he could be trusted with his absurd amount of power (which he isn't), what if the League of Assassins found out about him? Does he still have programming triggers from his evil assassin clone conditioning?
So, Danny does the responsible thing: he goes to Batman to turn himself in.
Cue Danny showing up on Bruce's doorstep with ghost hunting equipment, intel on the afterlife, and an almost unbelievable backstory. Somehow he still managed to be more well-adjusted than Damian.
More thoughts under the read more
Here's how I'm thinking Danny leaving the League went down:
After surviving his wounds but failing his mission, Danny (then an unnamed potential Damian replacement) knew there was no point in returning to the League. As a failure, he was meant to be disposed of. He even thought of simply allowing himself to perish, since that was what the League would do.
But he couldn't help but feel as though that would be a waste of a resource. Surely he could be of more use to the League alive than dead?
That tiny bit of rebellious logic is what caused Danny to go into hiding, only living on based on the off chance he would find opportunities to further the League's goals. Obviously, that mentality didn't last long after being exposed to the real world and meeting one Jazz Fenton.
Being adopted by the Fentons was the best cover Danny could have asked for, since any odd behavior he couldn't hide while he was learning how to be "normal" was totally overshadowed by the sheer bizarre eccentricity of his new parents. He was still the neighborhood weird kid, but even that was a major upgrade from disposable tool, so Danny considered it a win.
Anyway, if anyone likes this idea, please feel free to have at it! Interpret it as you please :)
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frownyalfred · 1 year
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Dick “it’s not broken if I can still move it” Grayson and his brother Jason “what bullet wound, I don’t see a bullet wound” Todd are proof that dumbassery can be inherited even through adoption (from one Bruce “I’ve never been injured in my life” Wayne)
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Full Baby Back Guarantee Not Included (dp x dc)
“Look, lady. It was a joke, ok? I don’t actually want your newborn baby,” Danny said as he held up his hands trying to back away from the woman with a bundle of blankets in her arms.
“We made a deal, you can’t back out now,”  The woman said as she narrowed her eyes at him. “Your kind can’t break their words.”
“My kind?” Danny exclaimed incredulously, because what the hell was she on. “Lady, you are delusional.”
Then his eyes caught on the awkward way the woman was holding onto the bundle and he frowned.
“Wait a second.” The halfa’s eyes went big. “Is that even your kid?!” his voice turning into a shriek at the end. “Did you kidnap some random child?”
“It’s my sister’s,” the woman cut him off coldly. “She and the father are both dead.” That was pretty awful, Danny thought as he winced. But then she turned to look blankly at him.
“Nobody will look for her.”
Dear skies above, he was supposed to be the ghost here, why was he the one getting chills.
“Holy fuck,” the halfa let out softly. 
He had to get that baby away from that psychopath.
“What is it you want again?” Danny asked faintly.
“Make me the new chief operating officer,” the woman answered.
“What?” The halfa choked out.
“They’re giving the position to Shwartz this monday. You need to make sure that doesn’t happen,” she continued evenly as if she wasn’t currently selling a baby in exchange for a fucking promotion.
“Yeah sure, deal,” Danny answered, eager to get away from her as soon as possible. 
“Give me your word,” she insisted.
“I give my word, I swear,” the halfa said. “Gimme the kid and you’ll get your job.”
The woman looked at him for a second before seemingly being satisfied. 
She extended the bundle of blankets towards him and handed him the swaddle baby. As soon as the kid was in his arms, Danny zipped away, fully intent on never seeing the woman again. He sure as hell was not getting her that promotion. Not that he would’ve been able to, what the hell, lady? At least research better before making a deal for your sister's baby!
Though in retrospect, it was a good thing she hadn't.
As Danny flew over a few buildings, he thanked the ancients the woman hadn’t had any ghost restraining tech, and only the summoning ritual. Which was a thing he had not been aware existed but he he would have to circle back to that because, right now, he had a whole ass baby nestled in his arms.
What the hell was his life.
Danny slowed down the flight once he felt he had put enough distance between them and the psycho and landed on a nice patch of green next to a road. He looked around and took notice that they’d gotten out of whatever that city had been, or at least the more populated part. He gave a quick look for people or cameras around before de-transforming. If he was spotted with a baby in his arms, his human look would help his chance of not getting shot.
The halfa started walking away from the road and towards the green vegetation. Still walking, he took a deep breath before looking down at the baby.
“You ok, kid?” Danny asked softly as their small (so so tiny!) face twitched in their sleep. “Oh you’re sleepy, huh?” he murmured gently. “Sleep tight sweetheart, I’ve got you.”
Then he secured the blankets around the baby again, making sure none of the wind was reaching her. It was probably a her? The blankets were pink but he couldn’t know for sure since the psycho had only called her an it. Danny felt his lips curl. And as the night replayed in his mind, he felt the weight of the situation settle down on him.
Ancients what was he going to do?
He couldn’t pull up in Amity with a baby in his arms and no explanation of how he got her. He’d be arrested for kidnapping, which was technically absolutely what he was doing. But then again he couldn't just give that baby back to her aunt.
“What are you doing here?” came a voice from ahead of him.
Danny startled out of his thoughts to find himself facing an older man in a suit with a severe look on his face. The halfa instinctively brought the baby closer to his chest and the movement drew the older man’s eyes towards it.
Danny could see the realization of what it was he was holding settle and the man's face softened. He sighed deeply as his gaze went back up to meet the halfa’s.
“Despite what the media fancy printing, Wayne manor is not actually an orphanage.”
Danny had no idea what he was talking about so he just stayed silent and did his best not to look like someone who kidnapped babies.
The older man took the silence in stride. “If you need some help, there are programs to help young people in your situation,” he continued delicately.
Danny frowned as he tried to figure out what the guy meant by that before his eyes grew wide. “I’m not her dad!” He cried.
“I see,” the man said evenly as he looked back down at the bundle. Danny held her closer in response. “I see,” the guy repeated with a slight change in his voice.
The two held each other’s gaze for a moment before the older man sighed again. 
“Shall we continue this inside? It is getting windy and we wouldn’t want the little one to suffer, would we?” The man offered in a soothing tone.
Danny hesitated but one look at the kid’s face that had grown pink from the cold decided him.
“Ok,” Danny said. “Lead the way.”
And with that the three of them started  across the grassy lawn.
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bet-on-me-13 · 8 months
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Danny as a Historical Badass
So, I'm sure you have all heard at least one story about those Badasses in History, the ones who are basically Legends at this point, right?
Like Simo Hayha, the White Death. The legendary Finish Sniper who managed to get 505 Confirmed Kills in less than 100 days, and an additional 200 kills with a Sub Machine Gun.
Or Mad Jack Churchill, the Craziest Commando. The guy who went to War with a Bow and a Broadsword, inflicting the last Archery Fatality in British Military History. He and his single partner also managed to raid a Village and capture 44 unsuspecting Soliders.
I want Danny to be seen in history in the same way they were.
If we go with the AU where the events of the Show happened in the Early 1900's, Danny would reach Eligibility just in time for both World Wars.
I want one of the Batfamily Members to run across a Video online of "Roman Helmet Guy" on Tiktok talking about Danny with that Badass Music in the Background.
Like, Danny is known as the Insane Solider of WW1/WW2. The guy who somehow managed to capture entire Platoons singlehandedly. The Guy who raided Enemy Camps in the Dead of night and managed to capture High Ranking Commanders on his own. The Guy that survives life threatening wounds like it's nothing MULTIPLE TIMES, and is somwhow back on the battlefield within the hour.
Some people speculate that he was an early Metahuman, but nobody can confirm because he hasn't been seen in decades. Some people.think he must be dead by now.
And then the Batfam member does a double take because, That's Old Man Danny.
Thats the old guy who runs their favorite Cafe. He must be well over 100 years old by now, but he looks like he's in his early 70's.
And doesn't Alfred frequent that Cafe?
Yes, he does. Alfred and Danny are old War Buddies.
Idk where this is going, I feel braindead right now.
I just wanted Danny to be seen as a Historical Legend because I was binging 'Roman Helmet Guy's videos and thought of this.
Wait, wasn't Diana in WW1? Like, in the movie at least she fought in WW1, so what if she met Danny during that time? What if she wasn't the only one to rush into No-Mans Land during that action scene in the Movie?
Diana shows up in Gotham and just says, "Oh no need to worry, I'm just visiting an old Friend."
Also, I recommend watching videos on Simo Hayha, he is such a badass.
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Dick: aw cmon timmys just a little guy
Bruce: im sure he had his reasons
Alfred: im certain you'll find that master tim is quite reasonable. He wouldn't do anything outrageous
Barbara: tim isnt stupid. Im sure this is all part of his plan
Literally anyone else gesturing at tims entire vigilante career:
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