#also almost no teen stuff because I'm not the biggest when it comes to aging up characters

[heloflor]

A few random personal headcanons about Cartman, Butters, and both :

1. Cartman doodles in class. I mean, we know from “Fractured but Whole” that he draws in a journal (regardless of the fact that the content of said journal is fucked up) + he seems to enjoy making visual representation of his schemes. So given how he doesn’t give a shit about school, he could definitely end up drawing to pass the time.

And the doodles he would make could depend on his mood or what’s on his mind. Like, when he was dating Heidi, he drew her or the two of them together; if he’s mad at Kyle or Tolkien or someone else, he’ll draw them being hurt or humiliated; if he’s thinking about a “get-rich-quick scheme”, he’ll draw himself and possibly Butters swimming in money.

    2. Butters knows how to do quite a few shady things due to his friendship with Cartman. He would know how to pick a lock, how to remove fingerprints/avoid putting fingerprints or even stuff like how to bury a body or commit arson etc.

Everytime he would nonchalantly show those skills to Stan and Kyle, the two would be floored by it, while Kenny would already know about those skills (and be worried about it). Also if Stan and/or Kyle question Butters about it, Cartman would back it up like “yeah, obviously he knows how to do that ! Do you have any idea how hard it is to carry a body by yourself ?” as if it was the most obvious thing ever.

    3. Kinda related to the previous one but Cartman would also willingly teach Butters random things just for the heck of it/because they’re friends. And by that I’m mostly thinking about how Cartman can play the harmonica (the “I hate you guys” song + his blues song from “Whale Whores”) and, in “Fractured But Whole”, Butters plays a song about being grounded in the tune of “I hate you guys”, giving off the impression that Cartman’s the one who taught him how to play the harmonica.

    4. The Stotch parents don’t like the Cartmans, especially Stephen. Between Liane having little to no control over her son (Stephen doesn’t understand how you can let your kid walk all over you) and Stephen seeing/hearing about Butters “getting gay” with Cartman (not helped by him projecting his insecurities over his sexuality onto Butters), the Stotches just can’t bring themselves to have a good opinion on the Cartmans.

Ultimately, they only let their son hang out with Cartman because the kid doesn’t really have any other close friends his age. And it’s not like they can stop Cartman anyways (thinking about the confrontation in the trailer of the Vaccination Special with Cartman immediately getting aggressive towards Stephen)

Oh yeah, and after the events of “Band in China”, the Stotches would not-so-subtly make offhand remarks about Butters having new close friends now and how he should hang out with them instead of Cartman. Butters, of course, doesn’t listen.

    5. 10 years-old Butters being light as a feather and sometimes Cartman carrying a pissed off Butters over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

(for example, imagine Butters yelling at some people who pissed him off but Cartman doesn’t have time for this and since Butters doesn’t want to stop, Cartman just grabs him, hauls him onto his shoulder and walks away with the kid flipping the bird to the people who pissed him off. Though Cartman would probably stop carrying him by throwing him onto the ground/randomly letting go, with Butters falling on his ass pretty hard : / )

    6. While pretty much every kid grows out of being touchy, with some specific exceptions like Stan and Kyle remaining touchy towards each other, Cartman continues to be just as touchy towards everyone even as he grows older.

    7. Something inspired by a youtube comment on a video that had Butters going apeshit (I think it was the scene from “Grounded Vindaloop”) : Butters as a teenager having huge anger issues and in general being out of control. Overall, he’d still be a sweet person when in a good mood but would be very easy to anger.

On that same note, he’d probably have little to no patience with bullshit since after dealing with abuse for so long he’s just done with everyone’s shit. His parents would have no idea how to deal with his rebellious tendencies (and would probably blame Cartman for it).

  In general, his relationship with his parents would be weird. Like, Butters is still afraid of punishment and still doesn’t want to get in trouble with them, but at the same time he would absolutely talk back and, if things get too heated and he gets sent in his room, he would either tell them to fuck off and run outside or get in his room and leave through the window.

Also, Butters still does love his parents. There was this one post about the idea of Butters eventually realizing that Stephen and Linda are messed up people who did want their son to be happy but had no idea how to be good parents, with Butters deciding to forgive them and still try to have a good relationship with them. I really like this idea, though I do feel that Butters would learn to stand up for himself and call his parents out on their behavior, partly for himself but also partly to help them.

  Ultimately, the main 4, especially Cartman and Kenny, would be the ones who kinda know how to handle him (not that well tho depending on how he feels). I could actually see Kenny being better at calming him down since he's better with emotions and empathy than Cartman (tbf, literally 90% of the characters in this show are better with empathy than Cartman). Stan would also probably try there and there since he and Butters seem to be good friends, but he would struggle too.

    8. A few bonus teen headcanons about the whole main 5 and cars since we’re at it :

- Stan would be the first to get his license, in a mix of him wanting to be able to go to town whenever and his father wanting to teach him (though in order to get Stan to help with the farm). Depending how much his family makes, he might get a car pretty early (and maybe Jimbo might help him find one ?)

- Kyle and Butters would likely be second, with their respective parents wanting them to learn essential skills. And since I think both families have two cars, both could ride pretty much anytime. Kenny wouldn’t be too far behind but wouldn’t be able to afford a car. As for Cartman, he’ll probably struggle to learn since he’s a stubborn asshole but eventually get his license. Like Kenny though, he can’t afford a car but could sometimes take his mother’s.

(note that I have no idea how much a car costs in the US)

- While both Stan and Kyle have their licenses, Stan tries to find random excuses in order to either drive Kyle or get a ride from him. Even after Kyle realizes what Stan is doing, he still lets it happen cause he’s not going to walk away from an opportunity to spend time with his best friend, even if just for a car ride.

- Kenny doesn’t usually ask for a ride because he doesn’t want to inconvenience his friends, but he never says no when one of the boys offers him a ride (unless he wants to walk alone while in his thoughts).

- Kyle banned Cartman from being in his car due to Cartman always letting bags of food around or being bitchy about the interior and the music choices. And since Stan often rides with Kyle and doesn’t want to hear the two fight, he rarely takes Cartman in. So Butters ends up being Cartman’s taxi.

- Oh yeah and as it turns out Cartman is fine with picking up his trash in Butters’ car. Cue Kyle losing his shit over this.

- I’ve read fics in which Cartman has like a big car to drive the whole main 5 and I love this idea (tho I don’t see it happen immediately because, again, money). Although the rest of the group probably wouldn’t like Cartman’s music choice.

- Speaking of which, Cartman having a playlist to listen to during drives and pouring his heart out singing. Depending of the songs, Kenny and Butters might join. Stan sometimes gets annoyed, sometimes likes the song and is fine with the singing, tho he’s cringing a bit. Kyle is mostly annoyed but doesn’t want to start a screaming match with Cartman where neither of them can leave. Sometimes, Cartman might sing badly on purpose to get on Kyle’s nerves, in which case Stan sides with Kyle in telling Cartman to stop being an asshole.

#South Park #SP #Eric Cartman #Butters Stotch #Flor talks #long post #yeah I just wanted to share a few random ideas #especially since I'm not really going to write much about this show past a few short oneshots #also almost no teen stuff because I'm not the biggest when it comes to aging up characters #especially when it's just for shipping #tho teenage Butters being unhidged is a thought I adore #(yes I like Butters being a piece of shit) #(he's allowed to destroy stuff given how much shit he has to deal with all the time) #the first 3 headcanons are probably predictable/obvious stuff but eh

[avelera]

Impressions on Jujutsu Kaisen S1-S2

(In no particular order)

(Because I felt like it)

So I got up to date on the anime Jujutsu Kaisen, mostly for lack of something to watch, and found it interesting. Partially because of its popularity (#1 on Crunchyroll in Dec. 2023). S2 is just about complete at this time and as others have remarked, there's a pretty big tone shift between S1 and S2.

As someone who spent their teen and college years enjoying Shounen series like Naruto and Bleach, who used to be much deeper into anime from about 2000-2010, it's interesting to see the way the Shounen genre has "evolved" from what I knew when I was more a part of the teen/early 20s target audience.

(Cut for spoilers beyond this point.)

First of all, it might even be a misnomer to call JJK purely shounen. The tone shift in S2 takes it to some pretty violent places. Places that seem in excess of, say, Naruto's peak violence. That said, I'm not entirely sure JJK deserves the genre of "seinin" exactly, because its plot structure is still pretty grounded in Shounen action/adventure.

Thing is, for all of the increase in violence, I'm not sure the issues the show actually deals with earn it the "seinin" or more "adult" designation just yet. JJK, so far at least, to me seems to struggle with being "about" something more than its premise. For example, the magical powers gained by the girls in Puella Magi Madoka Magica are at least a little bit about the struggles of being a young woman, about growing up, about grief and loss and love. A magical girl "becoming" a witch plays into a larger theme of loss of innocence.

At least as of the end of S2, JJK doesn't exactly have a thing that being a jujutsu sorcerer is actually "about". It's not really a coming of age parallel. It's not really about coming to terms with death (though a lot of death happens). It's still very much about the big fights that are happening. Absorbing Sukuna for Yuji Itadori isn't a metaphor or even lending to a metaphor for anything else except absorbing Sukuna.

This is totally fine by the way! Not everything needs to be "about" something bigger. But, for me at least, the "not being about something bigger" is what's keeping JJK at an A- instead of an A+.

JJK is also strangely lacking in worldbuilding. And I say strangely because it almost feels like it skips the worldbuilding because it's derivatively leaning on the worldbuilding done by other shounen anime. Like, "We don't need to explain how people can randomly jump from tree to tree or hover in the air while fighting, because Naruto already did that. You don't really want us to stop the narrative to explain how Yuji leveled up all these basic magical fighting abilities, right? So don't worry about how he can suddenly do all this stuff."

Literally, Yuji will gain an ability like Black Flash within the course of a single battle. In Bleach or Inuyasha, gaining that sort of ability would take an entire arc and lots of trial and error. So I have mixed feelings about JJK kind of just skipping him struggling to learn Black Flash for any length of time because yeah, that beat can get kind of tiresome in anime. We know they're going to learn the ability, so it's just dragging the process out to make it an entire arc.

But on the other hand, making the gaining of a new ability into an arc lends a certain gravity to the story. A sense of stakes and achievement. Yuji never really struggles to learn any new ability. He picks them up in the course of any given battle (or Sukuna drops in and bails him out).

So in a way, JJK is innovating on the Shounen genre by just skipping a lot of the base level fighting ability arcs and challenges, in order to cut straight through the biggest, most epic battles. There is no little kid level ninja school, our Naruto is fighting Orochimaru-level threats in the middle of S1.

Now, the way the story also innovates on throwing endgame level threats at the hero right away, instead of a bunch of trash to slowly build them up, is by having the bad guys not die in the fight. Bad guys often escape the battle to fight another day. Yes, trash battles happen, but endgame level villains are taking part with surprising regularity for the genre. Aizen from Bleach wasn't showing up for every side character battle that Ichigo fought against him in the lead up to their confrontations. And characters who were defeated didn't really show up again as antagonists, at least not in the Soul Society or Hueco Mondo arcs. They either became allies or they died. So JJK is different in this regard, in a way that's rather refreshing actually.

Now, to go back to worldbuilding, JJK was interesting to me because it started out very authoritative about its genre. It was very paint by numbers standard shounen but so confidently executed that it didn't feel boring. We had lots of shounen genre cliches, like the plucky protagonist with tons of power potential, his dark haired team member who is brooding, the secretly powerful goofy teacher, etc.

But how the JJK universe fits into our world is strangely lacking. Part of it feels purposeful. It's very laser focused on moving the story along. It doesn't really care to answer questions like, "How are these people getting paid?" and "Why is a school tasked with saving the world?" Like, it's basically X-Men rules, so it's fine.

But by contrast, Naruto's ninja villages were an entire ecosystem, we knew how ninjas fit into society and why everyone was doing what they did. We know how Bleach's Soul Society fits into the fabric of the universe. We know how My Hero Academia's world views heroes, a ton of My Hero time is poured into explaining how this world works. JJK... doesn't really bother to say how the world works outside of how it impacts the characters in this moment. It's the thing I find most curiously lacking of all it, and I'm just not quite sure what to make of it.

A few other random thoughts: JJK is fairly refreshing in that it's not totally reductive anime nonsense with regards to women, like having tons of panty shots or whatever. Men still tend to be the most powerful, and it's still a pretty shounen-standard ratio of 2 plot-relevant guys for every 1 woman. But it does view women as people for the most part, so I appreciate that.

But JJK does have some anime nonsense in the sense of people just randomly going "over 9000" with their ability or pulling abilities that no one knew about before that moment out of their ass. I think the show is at its best when it plants its foreshadowing a liiittle further in advance, like when Mahito accidently "touched" Sukuna in that first fight. Everything we needed to know to realize what was going to happen was seeded in advance, and it was a crowning moment of awesome as a result. But besides moments like that, there's a LOT of "Well that didn't work, because I have this secret ability that I'm going to reveal and explain right now!" It's a bit like watching little kids play with action figures in that respect of just randomly having the right tool at the right time.

That said, that sort of "little did you know, I had this secret weapon that easily defeats you that I'm just revealing now!" seems in general more accepted in Japanese storytelling, whereas in Western storytelling the "rule" is more that you need to seed Checkov's gun a lot sooner before you can use it. You can't pull the gun off the mantlepiece to use at the same time you reveal it, it feels cheap. But, since there is a cultural divide between me and the writer, I'm just going to note it as something that pinged me, rather than saying it's good or bad as such. I like foreshadowing that's done further in advance, but that could be a culturally-based preference on my part.

I'm curious where JJK will go next. The violence escalation makes me think either it's going to continue to escalate, or there will be an endgame option to undo all the damage by some magical means at a later date. I'm more than 70/30 thinking it's just going to continue to escalate, but we'll see!

#jjk #jjk meta #jjk spoilers #jujutsu kaisen

[queer-mental-health]

Okay so imma go on a little ramble here, I hope you don't mind and no pressure to respond-

I identify as demigirl and lesbian, and I have an extensive history with sh, depression, anxiety, ADHD, and suicidal thoughts. About a month and a half ago, I came out to my parents (but only about being lesbian and having shitty mental health cuz I didn't know I was a demigirl back then and am still trying to figure out my gender). They seemed really supportive then, but even before I came out they always said things like "don't marry a woman" and weren't kind to lgbtqia+. Now, my dad (whom I don't have a good relationship with) has been going around saying things like "nothing's permanent" and "you can still change your mind". Maybe I'm overreacting, but is he being homophobic? I'm not going to be calling him out for it, because he has also been abusive in the past, but I still want to know if that's wrong of him to say. It probably is because it does hurt emotionally, but still. On top of that, I'm about two weeks clean from sh (not counting scratching/pinching), but I've been really wanting to hurt/kill myself lately, and I'm really struggling with those thoughts. Do you have any tips on how to avoid those? I've talked to Teen Link a few times, which is a confidential teen text line for those struggling with mental health who don't have anyone to talk to but want to talk to someone around their own age (I'll put the phone number down below) and I've found that really helpful, but it's not always enough. I need help but I don't want to reach out for it because I'm afraid of what people will say and stuff. Almost no one knows about my sh, but spring/summer is coming up, meaning warmer days and more short sleeves/swimsuits. Would you have any tips for covering up scars too?

Anyways, sorry that got a little long, also for all of you teens out there who need it, the Teen Link # is 866-833-6546. The number only works for America (I think), but if you research it you may find a similar thing for your country. Thanks for the help :)

You actually have a lot of good questions which I am more than happy to answer!

First, if your dad is saying that you can change your mind because he does not WANT you to be queer, yes that is homophobic. If he is saying that because he knows you and genuinely does not THINK you are queer, that's not exactly homophobic.

Also, I'm proud of you for bein clean for two weeks AND talking to a text line. Those are both things that show how strong you are. About the suicidal thoughts, I know a lot of ways to help with that (being someone who has struggled/is struggling). First, when you get them just distract yourself is the biggest thing. Step away from your thoughts and be around people.

Lastly, I know how hard it can be to not sh but the biggest thing is just resist it. Of course, everyone has slipups so here are some tips for covering up scars. My go to is to wear a jacket but obviously that's not gonna work during the summer, so sometimes you could use makeup if you have access to it. If there are only a few scars you could also just cover them up with bandaids and it shouldn't be too bad.

I hope this helps you!! If you have any other questions or need to vent my inbox is always open!

#tw sui mention #tw sh #homophobia #lesbian #mental health #queer mental health #asks

[dropintomanga]

Get That Bit of Chunibyo Inside You

"We must have a bit of 'chūnibyō' inside us. The fact is we like manga because of the moral within that could touch us emotionally, and we have to behave as we are taught from these media." -Chloe Lisa Kung, Organizer of Rainbow Gala 30, Source: Rainbow Gala 30 and the End of an Era: Hong Kong's Biggest Doujinshi Convention Set to Shutter

I stumbled across an Anime News Network article about a Hong Kong doujinshi event, Rainbow Gala, possibly not existing anymore after a long run in a convention center set to be demolished in the near future.

The organizer, Chloe Lisa Kung, was asked about the future and what led to the impending doom of her event. She spoke about how Hong Kong youth aren't allowed to thrive or chase creative pursuits. Kung lamented on how there's no breeding grounds for young artists to shine or inspiration for art in Hong Kong compared to almost 30 years ago when she started to draw at the age of 12 after seeing doujinshi art.

It does make me think about Hong Kong's anime culture today. I remember visiting Mong Kok Shopping Center back in 2009 and it felt like going to Akihabara in some ways. Every floor was filled with anime, manga, video games, artbooks, toys, etc. When I hear about Hong Kong now, I hear that it's "dead." And reading what Kung said now makes me hesitant to go back there in some way. I do feel that Hong Kong is a bit too commercialized at times. I never liked Canto-pop much and listened to counter-cultural Cantonese music. While anime has always been popular in Asia, it does feel like there's a very genuine communal vibe in that part of the world when it comes to anime/manga fandom and outside forces are slowly stripping that away as everyone wants to jump in on the fan convention train.

There's something that Kung says about the future of Rainbow Gala that makes me think about fans in general and the growing appeal of anime to doujin artists.

"Indeed, there are more consumers now than ever, but the most important lead still lies in the people inside drawing."

I think about the kids who draw manga after watching an episode of anime. I think about the various drawings I've seen over the years of their favorite characters. Sure, some adults will find it "cute" and suggest that it's just a "phase." But to me, the magic starts to happen there.

There's so many consumers, but not enough people to create stuff that can touch lives. It's hard to be creative. Creativity is often devalued due to a general obsession over measurable outcomes.

Kung's words about learning from manga also make me think about how much manga has meant to me. While I did write that I needed mahjong to save me, manga is still what I care about the most. A lot of my mannerisms and attitudes still come from manga. I try to incorporate my manga reading experiences into how I behave. Sometimes, I make blunders, but I still try.

I think about how most fans aren't like me and countless others who use their love to talk about manga on the internet (shout-outs to the bloggers, YouTubers, and podcasters that promote manga in their way). What drove us to start talking about our love to manga to people who don't know us in person? What drove us to become more than just consumers? How do we cultivate that mindset? Those are questions that I'm still trying to get the answers for.

I can only speak for myself in that my own personal mental health experiences combined with the environment I grew up in made me want to blog in the first place. I continue to do so because of how much manga has grown in the past few years. I know it's not just a phase for some youth.

Until then, I'm proud to say that I still got a bit of 8th grade syndrome in me. I'm proud to say that stuff that's mostly read by teens still gets me pumped to seize the day. I'm proud to be a fan that wishes for future creators and their youthful enthusiasm to be treasured as much as the mainstream works that inspired them.

#quotes #manga #mental health #creativity #anime #doujin culture #fandom #fan conventions

[ramblingaboutglee]

I deeply want to know your thoughts of Mr 👞 now, I’m admittedly not his biggest fan just because I never particularly cared for many of the adult storylines compared to the kids, but I have complicated feelings about the hate he gets

Ooh, now we're getting into the spicy stuff.

Also hi sudden spate of new followers! Er. Please don't immediately unfollow when this is the first post you see.

So, couple of things to lay the groundwork. One, like a lot of characters on Glee, Schue's development can be... complicated. In S1, he had adult friends, other hobbies, and was in general a more well-adjusted teacher than common opinion. But when S2 came around, and Glee's relevance seemed to hit its peak, the writers decided to give him a full-on midlife crisis where he goes overboard into his worst traits. If this is someone's defining era of Glee, it's worth acknowledging Will gets hit harder than anyone else with the genre shift from S1 to S2. He mostly levels out, early S2 is a bad time for basically every character, but yeah,

The other thing is that, like, 2010s era tumblr fandom is. Not a reliable source of information? I swear there are points where fandom just makes things up, in every fandom from that era I’ve been in. 

Content warning: Will Schuester rapping, brief ED mention

Like, let's just begin with the one that always pops up. "Will called a student with an eating disorder selfish for not wearing a bikini." My guess is that this came about from people that watched youtube videos of songs rather than, like, the actual episode? this was S5, Katy or a Gaga, and even if we take the position that Marley's ED hasn't vanished into the black hole of Glee canon, this was the episode where the assignment was for the NDs to go outside of their comfort zone - not in terms of modesty, but in terms of fashion. Marley's brief was 'Wear a Gaga style costume.' Going by how the other characters acted in the episode and the rest of the series, there is no indication Will has any actual control over what they pick in weekly assignments, and there are plenty of Gaga costumes that cover more skin. Marley, for episode-drama related reasons, opted to go out dressed in cheery Katy Perry fashion, and was condemned for not only not doing the assignment, but for actively missing the point. Every indication is that whatever Gaga costume she'd have worn, was her choice, and the condemnation was for missing the assignment.

if you want to headcanon ED-related body image issues, I'm with you, the ED arc could have been handled so much better so trying to mind more from it is a good thing. But treating this take as fandom gospel as frequently as I seem to see it, is... weird.

So with the caveat that there is inconsistent writing, and not every criticism is necessarily justified, let's dig in.

The Cool Teacher

One of the biggest traps of teen media feels like it's middle-aged writers trying to write someone kids will feel is a Cool Teacher. There's always this need to include an adult character who's perceived as likeable and cool, and so often it fails miserably. Will is, in S1, Glee's attempt.

The thing about Will is that he's kinda pathetic. He's a dork in sweatervests that is perfectly content making a fool out of himself if he thinks the kids will enjoy class. Will is perfectly content with being laughed at. The idea is that he's so earnest, that it's supposed to come off as charming, because he acts with no significant expectation of seeming cool or hip. (It's also a neat counterpoint to the status and image obsession of some of the kids, which I will be getting back to).

Almost no media gets it right, because the simple fact is if you're a teenager, you're kinda hardwired to just cringe. But this is when we get to the much-maligned rapping. Middle-aged white guys rap to try and seem cool, Will isn't the first and nor will he be the last. There's a kind of fun lack of self-consciousness to Will's performances though - he's self-aware, it feels, with a level of consciousness that it is physically painful to watch sometimes, but he's having a good time and the kids are apparently vibing, that he doesn't care that he's embarrassing himself. he does it precisely to get that reaction from the kids. Will is the person who would consciously misuse slang to make the younger generation wince and honestly I’m entering the era where that’s me so, I support him. Should Will rap? Well, no, but there is a reason why he does. If you want to compare the raps to any musical number on the show, go for Run Joey Run - they aren't remotely played straight, they're meant to be a little awkward. But just as a lot of people wanted straightforward musical numbers and disliked the comedy-focus of Run Joey Run, too many people seem to treat Will's raps as things intended as 'cool' performances, and not the dripping in self-aware lameness that they really are.

But if, in S1, the idea of Will was that he's so uncool that it loops around, what about later?

Holly Holliday enters by taking a prank the kids intended to pull on her as an entrance opportunity, turning it on its head, sliding dramatically into the room, and promptly singing Forget You. Can we all agree that this is objectively an embarrassing entrance? But she's played straight, and this for me is when we really see the shift in Glee's priority. Will was the guy who'd knowingly get pranked for the heck of it, the embarrassing dad of the show. Holly is 2Kewl4Skool in a way that makes her as bad of a teacher as Will, but the show is now more willing to say that's enough. Like, I like Holly, but the shift in focus is startling.

Ditto, from the same episode, "I think I've found a Journey song we haven't done yet!" Joking flashbacks present Will as a Journey superfan trying to get the kids to sing their whole catalogue. In S1, Journey was Finn's thing, and Will learned to let the kids pick their favourite songs right from the second episode, if imperfectly.

It gets tricky to talk about Will because there are several iterations of him. He's always uncool, usually ultimately sincere, and does put the kids first (eg, skipping the S1 sectionals, where attending was his dream, so that they could go) but the way this is perceived varies. When the show was reinventing itself in S2, it picked up a cynical streak, likely from trying to replicate the popularity of Sue. This however ended up reframing Will's sincerity as more of a negative. We see him having a midlife crisis, when before his more extreme antics were a result of competition pressure. It's definitely the stretch where I most dislike Will.

All that to say, Will is supposed to be admired and liked by the kids for being sincere, even when he's making a fool out of himself. There are points where the show acknowledges his unpopularity, but ultimately that's the core of Will.

The Meta

Glee likes its fourth wall bending humour. That can make fan reaction and analysis awkward, though. When Sue calls out Will for staging an elaborate costume-heavy performance for just his benefit, do we take this as literal truth, or do we file it away with Brittany thinking she's doing a voice over?

There's a lot of stuff that's open-ended like this, and it goes beyond jokes. Say, Will having former students be significant figures at his wedding - do we take this as inappropriate boundaries, or as "Well the show would suck if random guest stars were Will's best friends?" Does Will have no adult friends, or did they get cut from the show after S1? For fictional characters, what is the difference?

Is the fact Will is so close to all the kids inappropriate, or just the inevitable end result of having a show set at a high school with a teacher as an actual character? It's hard to judge, honestly. Ditto, does he do too little to stop the bullying, is it beyond his ability to effectively tackle, are his hands tied by Figgins, or would the show simply not function if a teacher swept in and prevented the slushies that became so much a part of the show's identity and advertising?

So, yeah, untangling gets complicated, and as it is Glee typically offers you a lot of ways to engage with it. For me, while I can see how meta jokes and lines that serve to highlight fandom complaints can feel like confirming them in-universe, I tend to just treat them as jokes and acknowledgements rather than reflective of actual character detail. Glee continuity can be weird enough as it is without incorporating fourth wall breaks, especially when those fourth wall breaks contradict otherwise established details.

The Parallels

And to finish it up: the adults on Glee, in my opinion, can't easily be separated from the kids. One of the things that I genuinely find interesting about Will, is the fact that so many of his conflicts overlap with the kids.

So, a character who peaked in high school, who ended up with their high school sweetheart, like Quinn plans on being... that's Will. Finn leaving a long term relationship and trying to figure out who he is to even try to be with Rachel, the exact same advice Will gets after leaving Terri. S1 paralleled both the love quadrilaterals. Glee's take on the coming of age story is looking at how the same sorts of stories affect adults and kids differently, and Will and other adults in paralleled positions is part of that. (I rambled Shelby way for more in that vein)

Which, honestly that's a huge part of the show fo rme -it happens with way more than just Will - but I kinda want to ping it because, inevitably, watching Glee as an adult means a lot of his drama is inherently more relatable. The thing the show keeps saying, that high school is hell while you're in high school but a month after you graduate you won't give a damn about who dated who, is true, but for any teenager hearing that, it comes off as dismissive even if there is more nuance to the way Glee presents it.

Take the aforementioned fact that Will is so fundamentally uncool, and contrast that with all the Glee characters who worry about climbing the social ladder. 'Loser Like Me' doesn't just refer to the kids. (If we skip forwards to S6, Rachel's lowest point at the start is basically becoming Mr Schue. That feels intentional. She does the same thing, sharing artists she likes and the kids might not know, teaching values, etc).

Glee is built on the fact that who you are in high school doesn't define who you'll always be. Every character goes on that same arc - as does Will, who maybe shows it the most by reinventing himself decades on. Will isn't perfect, but what makes me interested in him is that he acknowledges that. You can list a myriad of times he messes up, I've no doubt, and I'm also sure that the vast majority of those times he freely admits that he was in the wrong. Honestly someone like Will, who can be an idiot, but has no shame about saying he was wrong and actually trying to improve, to me that's a good thing.

I freely admit I can be a hypocrite on this front - there are characters that claim improvement and such, but in the end I feel like they haven't changed. Will, to me, usually feels like his heart is in the right place, by contrast. This can partly be his actions, and partly be his willingness to actually face consequences for his decisions. By contrast, too much of the time with other characters, flaws feel unacknowledged, or the responses feel incomplete. This might be subjective, but for me this usually isn't the case with Will. The show is built around the fact he can be the butt of the joke, and it's not afraid to criticise him as a result. The reason he gets celebrated when he does, is precisely because he's willing to model development.

In which I vaguely try to be concise

Will is a mixed bag. Some iterations of him are terrible, others are better. That's the same as any Glee character, it just depends which you pay attention the most, and which you see as more reflective. Is Rachel the person that sends a student to a crackhouse, or the person who gives the solo to Mercedes? Is Brittany the supportive girlfriend who helps Santana be comfortable with herself, or the dumbass who posts a sex tape online? Is Kurt the person who pushes Finn to tell Quinn's family she's pregnant, or the one who tries to welcome Sam without making him uncomfortable?

By the same token, is Will the person who sacrifices his chance to go to Sectionals, tries to uplift students that seem to have a bad plan or limited confidence, and who prioritises teaching acceptance over winning? Or is he the person that convinces teenagers to star in Rocky Horror as part of a convulated scheme to break Emma up with her boyfriend, who performs La Cucaracha in a poncho and sombrero as a Spanish teacher, or dedicates a week to twerking?

No one's ever just the one thing. But, for me, the fundamentally sincere guy who in general doesn't care about appearances, and who is so unashamedly uncool, and who does, ultimately, care a great deal about the kids, that's a character I like. I can look past the dodgy stuff that is so ubiquitous on Glee because it feels like it defines him less, and I like his storylines because 'adult re-evaluates his life path' is not an unsympathetic one, and plays so well off the kids who feel like they're trapped in one way of life.

Because, at the end of the day, if a Spanish teacher in a dodgy relationship and a fake pregnancy can, over five years, end up running an arts school with a loving relationship and an actual child... Surely that says a lot about the prospects of all the kids too? 

#Glee #Will Schuester #ask #Glee meta

[theomnicode]

Too good to be true?

Yanno new chapter is so frikken wholesome it's like I'm eating sugar in raw form. Very cute, very wholesome, just idyllic in it's pure form.

Almost...too idyllic because stuff doesn't add up. And other signs. I'll go over some symbolism stuff later.

I love eating sugar, but it's also bad for me. Too much indulgement leads into bad things.

Spoilers below.

Seems correct. He doesn't even remember the guy who decked him. And anything past the monsterization after Saitama decked him. He even forgot his own martial arts skillset, which is something you'd think would be impossible because it's muscle memory too. Something he got before he was beefed by God.

But how...the biggest red flag.

How do you remember fighting Blast then? And how good he was at fighting?

You NEVER fought Blast in this timeline. It was reversed. IT DID NOT HAPPEN.

(He consciously BARELY even recalls Saitama's name like, when he ACTUALLY FOUGHT HIM in all timelines before God's interference...the cognitive dissonance here is something else)

You didn't even remember fighting Bomb and Bang! You were unconscious and legit just dreaming!

The only ones who remember, according to the objective truth narration of Genos, are him and Saitama.

Because Saitama got fused to his younger self, but Garou's soul did not. Garou's soul, with all the memories it retained, disappeared into the aether and only ever influenced the past Garou's actions.

So how? How do you supposedly CONSCIOUSLY REMEMBER fighting Blast and how good he was?

Lord knows Saitama doesn't remember a single thing. Garou shouldn't either.

Garou... are you just dreaming again or something?

Is this some hypothetical dream scenario we're seeing? Where everything turns out perfect for him?

All the desires and wish-fulfillment scenarios he could ever hope for coming true?

Where he can spout his message about absolute evil making the world a better place, Bang acting as an actual guardian and listening to him and his interests, not getting any kind of punishment for his actions (like ripping a guy's arm off), introducing a complete out of the blue love interest into the mix and Bang suddenly being healthy and his back no longer paining him??? From magic massage or something when everyone would have previously died to radiation in mere moments? And Metal knight no less? Did the guy get his hands on de-aging procedures or something? I want some of that too.

Tareo getting friends (waganma of all people?) and being able to stand up to himself in a week too... and finally walking into the pictoresque, dreamlike scenario with Bang, where other people don't really exist nor matter. Just more faceless people when he can just chat with Bang who finally listens to his hobbies.

(Also can we talk about how Bang somehow knows a sentai show actress aimed for kids/teens when he doesn't even have a tv?)

Nothing bad happened? After he gave everyone a healthy amount of cosmic radiation, entire Z-city got pulverized, heroes got maimed and time was reversed so there would not be a complete apocalypse.

No consequences whatsoever?

Just a tiny bit sus here.

I don't buy this. And not just because there's a completely random reverse pentagram when Bang hits him, which is not a sound vfx. It's just there.

We very much know real world does not work that way and is not painted that way by ONE.

"What was gained" chapter title is phrased like a question, rather than the definite answer.

What did we even gain? Nothing. Future and character development was erased when Saitama came back in time. It was a "what if" scenario.

Just like Genos summer body and his red shirt, this chapter feels like a red herring to me.

#opm #one punch man #opm spoilers #opm chapter 170 #garou #opm manga panels #wish fulfillment

[ask-the-cluster]

RULES

Howdy! I'm @heroictoonz and this is the ask blog that was made with my own interests in mind lmao but hopefully other ppl will enjoy it all the same!

BLOG RULES

Please please please PLEASE send asks! This might seem like a silly rule, but I'm so serious! Send as many asks as you want! My biggest issue I've faced when having ask blogs (and I've had many lol) is when there's no asks. It really kills the blog fast. Want more content? Send in asks! Super easy lol

I am 24 and all the characters in this are 21+ obviously there's not gonna be any out right porn or whatever but I'm stating this because there might be some jokes or pg13+ material. Of course I am also okay with jokes and such in the asks but plllleeeease don't be weird I am still a human being behind all this qwq

If the blog goes dead, please don't worry. I am a grown adult with a fulltime job and fulltime stessers lol. If the blog goes dead and you notice, maybe just send an ask or something. Maybe my box is just empty or I don't have inspiration for what is in there. But whatever you do PLEASE do NOT send in asks asking why the blog stopped or is dead or whatever. Nothing to me dies for good I mean hell I still randomly update an ask blog here n there that I made like four years ago haha this kinda stuff is all for fun yk?

LORE STUFF

So, obviously this is an AU which means there's gonna be a lot of differences some I'm probably not even aware of yet lmao. But let's run over the major ones

Peter, Kurt, and Gwen all live together and are friends. This is the main plot of the au/blog and it's actually based on one I had forever ago! But it also causes a LOT of changes in the story! Admittedly, I only read the handful of comics that heavily revolve around my favorite characters and also spark my interest. I also read wiki pages like the bible but, like, how much my forgetful ass actually intakes those is debatable. Also, let's be real, there is a LOT of shit in the comics and some of that shit even contradicts itself. Also, I'm a cartoon boy. I watch soooo many cartoons. So a lot of stuff will also be based on cartoons, I wont even lie.

They are late collage students in this au cause why the hell not. Like I said, I'm a cartoon boy and in, like, every Spiderman cartoon man is a freaking high schooler and then in Evo (you know, the best XMen cartoon ever) they're also high schoolers. And then in her comics, Gwen is a young adult/older teen and implied to be in the realm of early collage age. However, in the more recent comics Kurt and Peter are also grown ass adults. So I thought it best to mix it all! Still giving them a fun class setting but as adults instead of kids!

The main three know each other’s identities. Kurt and Gwen know each other’s hero identities mostly because Gwen DID spend time in Xavier’s. Gwen herself if not just giving a shit about her secret identity when it comes to other heroes and obviously she already knows everyone’s identities. Whereas Kurt and Peter learned the truth of each other by accident. In this au I will also state that where Gwen IS a real girl in the comic world and still says that she is openly and with conviction; if someone else calls her a mutants she is less likely to correct them. Also why she ended up with Xavier and the XMen for a hot second

I am writing Kurt as an almost pseudo system. I do wanna put on the table that where I am not very open about it on social media I am a system and will be writing this based on my own personal experiences. I just wanna put down that every system has different experiences and mine are not gonna be the same as your mutual Billy Joe Bob or probably even what you read in the DSM. That being said, I say pseudo system as the exact like situation in Uncanny Spiderman isn't really explained. The bamf headmate shown in Uncanny Spiderman states that where he is not David that he is one of David's 'fractions'. Which I assume to mean that he is originally one of David's headmates that is now acting as one for Kurt. Whether this is David's intentions or a side effect of whatever the fuck David is doing I'm not sure nor am I sure if they will even continue this outside of those comics. But I like it so I'm keeping it and this is my house lol

The blog is named the way it is as a bit of a joke. Honestly there isn't much reason for me choosing these three specific characters other than the fact that they are my favorites out of Marvel! The idea of Kurt and Gwen being part of the spider gang is Kurt taking the Spiderman identity in Uncanny Spiderman and also Gwen being originally based on a 'what if' cover where they drew Gwen Stacy as Deadpool. Cluster is just the name for a group of spiders lol. Again, it's mostly just a joke/reference and not very lore important

I currently don't have a lot planned outside of the above and most will just develop as this blog does! I like going by the seat of my pants. It's fun. And also I'm pretty laid back lol. I don't really have any ships planned except for maybe for Kurt nor do I currently have any like big plot ideas or whatever. But who knows! This blog will go wherever the wind (and the asks) will take it! I think that's one of the fun parts of ask blogs so, yk, get creative with those asks! lol

#rules

[oh-for-fic-sake]

April Teaser Collection!

Here is the  latest peek at my stuff sitting on my pc that will hopefully be finished over the next few weeks. I hope you find something that tickles your pickle. below the cut are The Stand In, It’s A Match, Deliverance, Mans False God, Gloria Regali.

But instead of being managing to be all sneaky and close the door hiding henry in your room like a naughty teen with her boyfriend Henry was up and awake.

"Aha! Gotcha! Who said you could sneak out of bed this morning baby? I was lonely with out you~" you screamed and just about jumped out of your skin as Henry wrapped himself around you from behind dragging you back into him, nuzzling into your neck pressing an open mouthed kiss to it. Your shout of surprize had silenced both of the women's chatter making them jump, even Kal came darting back in gruffing as he leapt up the stairs heckles and tail raised and growling on high alert. Fuck.

"now why cant i get a good morning like that?" Tee giggled crossing her arms at the both of you, your mother eyed you both with a knowing grin and hummed agreeing. Henry snapped his head up and gulped. Fuck. You and henry stood still for a few seconds far to shocked at being caught with your pants down so to speak. You shifted on your feet but henry held you still hands on your hips using you to shield his nude form from your guests he hadn't known were there.

"O-oh shit- err good morning ladies!" He said turning red his voice higher than usual as he shuffled backward taking you with him. As he tried saving his modesty, he didn't take the covers with him because- well he had thought it was only you on the bus!

"I err- shit i didn't see you there... Sorry about almost flashing you both like that..." he said with an uneven tone tip toeing back into the room, still holding you at his crotch hiding the once half hard- now softening cock.

"Good girl, where's your mother? Hmm? Your not supposed to be out and about alone are you?" Henry spoke slowly digging his fingers into the dense soft fur managing to find and hold the collar below the thick fur, then he leant down scooping up the lead what was still attached to her. Kal grunted and sat on the floor leaning his weight on henry's leg. Henry looked down and patted Kal scratching his ears chuckling. Kal's eyes still wide taking in the larger dog in front of him, it was comical Kal was used to being the biggest bear... but he was a good four to five inches shorted then this magnificent grey floofer.

"Kal, you okay there bud?... year she really is big isn't she, you best behave don't want her telling you off do you?" He spoke slowly calming both pups... and gosh did Kal look like a pup compared to her. Slowly both dogs leaned towards one another sniffing the air then with a happy yip Amii began licking kal... like a pup. Henry burst out laughing it was too sweet watching Amii sniff around his bear, whilst Kal sent his human a look clearly pleading for help as this new huge female smothered him with affection. But henry wasn't falling for it, Kal was wagging his tail just as excited to make a new freind.

Honestly henry was glad, akitas were fickle. They either liked you or they didn't. He got the feeling Kal would like this gentle giant for now he was a little awe struck over being smaller then something.

"Clark? Clark come and help me- I cant reach the milk! Its at the back again!" Martha said quietly you smiled. It took a lot of coaxing but you had indeed tried what Clark had explained as 'cow juice' and had developed a taste for it. So Martha had promised you milk every day if you liked. Which you did like. A lot. Clark pressed another kiss to you and walked off towards the milk refrigerators expecting you to follow.

You made to follow but a sweet scent hit you and you stopped mid step. It was wonderful and ripe, sweet and succulent. You pivoted and followed without much thought. Your feet found there way twisting around the display of 'leafy greens' to a bright colourful isle. You salivated at the smells. There were so many intoxicating scents you didn't know what to look at first.

You pressed a hand on a small net package full of strange green fuzzy balls. Kiwi's? You read and scrunched your face up at the peculiar name. Then plucked the bag up and held it to your nose sniffing. They smelled divine, like a type of food from home. Okriin a small soury sweet treat given to children on their birthing date. You sniffed again and almost cried. It was so similar but so different sweeter and fuller in the scent. You cautiously sniffed again and closed your eyes before tentativly prodding it with your tongue wanting to see if it tasted the same.

"y/n? Y/n?!- oh god there you are? What are you doing? You almost gave me a heart attack" Clark said racing towards you his mother behind him with the cart. He slid to a stop and blinked at you. As you scrunched up your nose.

"the texture of these are... Not very nice?" you said naively moving for the fruit again sticking your tongue out once more trying to discern if it was edible like this. Clark moved quickly gasping holding your hands that had the.. Kiwi's in it.

"no no.. No we- you don't eat them like that... You peel them and eat the inside, and we don't lick things in the shop okay?" he explained plucking the fruit from you and placed them in the cart, Martha chuckled into her chest she couldn't help it, you were extremely cute.

Kal proped himself up on his side and smiled sadly nodding. He knew. He knew the state they found you in was their fault. Thats why he was so adamant to look after you now to... make amends in a way. You'd proved you could barely survive on your own. But Kal was also angry; angry that you'd been abandoned, he had thought Bruce would atleast put something in place to look after you but he hadn't. Bruce hadn't helped you, he to busy saving his own skin and trying to fight him and the new regime. But he was more angry at himself you had been alone, with no means to protect yourself or really survive. And he should have known! He should have realised you were scared, that you would stay away from the new citizen system he put in place. That you'd fear being caught and killed like many of the others.

"I know, but we have her now... its going to be better now, we are going to right the wrongs love... we can give her the best life  look after her and nothing will ever hurt our little one again" his voice was strained his face in firm lines, hard and stone like. He truly was a god, carved in marble. Perfect. Diana nodded laying back curling herself around you. Kal drew a deep breath and shuffled closer winding his arms around his family, holding both his girls.

He chuckled when you grunted pouting in your sleep when he sandwiched you between Diana and himself. Trying to wriggle fee from the group hug.  But once again you settled after a few moments relaxing as you were now being warmed from both sides a small smile graced your face. Kal grinned and nuzzled the back of your head pressing chaste kisses to your bed ridden hair, he felt at peace having you here with him. And he meant what he said no one will ever touch his little babygirl.

"what wrong? Whats going on?" you spoke quietly trying not to stare at the clearly sick monarch. You didn't want to see it, you didn't want to think of the implications of the illness he was clearly suffering.

"nothing gets past you does it my girl?" your father spoke jovially trying to lighten the mood but failed miserably, his chuckles dying off fairly quickly and he heaved a sigh. Your uncle broke the silence and your fathers hand slid to yours under the table and squeezed your fingers tightly trying to reassure you.

"I have summoned you here to discuss something that... Is very serious and the outcome will change the lives of many people. This is something.. I wished I could hold off but I'm afraid I cannot firefly" you bit your lip and braced yourself. This was bad news you could tell. A part of you thought for a moment of marriage, your gut churned at the thought and you felt sick all of a sudden. Where you being married off as a pawn? It was likely, it still happened even in this day and age it was just covered up with fairytale romance... Story book meetings and courtships, when in reality you were told that your to marry and that was the end of it.

"Y/n you are royalty. You were born in to a royal blood line that has ruled over this kingdom for nearly four centuries... And now it is time for you to take your place within it and do your duty" your father stated in his 'work' voice for the time being he was not your father, he was a prince. Heir to the throne and head of your family. And you were to listen and obey.

"You want to give me duties as a working royal?" you said sitting straighter only quivering slightly. You dreaded this, the publicity the duty and responsibility that you'd managed to avoid so far. But you knew one day you would have to take your place.

"yes dear. We need you. Now" your father said urgently, but there was something off. Like he was holding back, fearfull in a sense and it was not like him.

"Of course i will. Father I'm no fool I understand what my position requires of me and i will serve my country. You need only ask and I will obey. I only ask that i be given time to sort things out with the university security and such would need to be increased if they are having a working royal on campus-"

"I'm afraid its not as simple as that we... Are asking you to put your studying off" your uncle interrupted you making you frown. What? You furrowed your brow and made to shake your head but paused. It made sense... If you were to come and take on duties then the media may go wild and cause an uproar... They could cause issues on campus

"How long for?" you asked trying your hardest not to frown at your father and uncle

"Indefinitely.." the king replied holding your gaze firmly. it was then you knew this was serious, more so then anything you’d experienced before.

#oh for fic sake teaser #oh for fic sake fic #henry cavill #henry cavill x reader #clark kent x you #superman x you

[peachcitt]

okay, so style reference you say? I'm 👀

YES STYLE REFERENCE I SAY

this is going to be. a very long post i think with probably a lot of tangents and probably with a lot more thorough explanation than you could ever want but. here we go

because all of my theory/explanation posts end up So Long, i like to organize myself by keeping myself to a structure, and i also like to think if i put stuff in sub categories with bolded titles, people reading can skip ahead to the stuff they want if they're low on time or don't feel like slogging through everything. so here's the structure of the official Peach Style Reference Narrative

1. Early Days - how i started writing, my early inspirations, origins

2. Current Days - discussions of current style references plus examples and comparisons, discussions of original content versus fan content

3. Future Days - where i expect my writing to grow, trajectories i want, conclusory thoughts

without further ado, let's get into it!

1. Early Days

like i mentioned on the discord server, ive been writing creatively for. a very long time. i just turned 20 (like. literally today. we love to see it) and that seems very young, but i remember writing creatively when i was maybe six or seven, and before that i played with dolls a lot, which meant every day i was creating little narratives for myself. in addition to this - and this is probably why i started writing so young - i was (and am!) a very avid reader. i was that little jerk in elementary school reading chapter books and going into the older kids' section in the school library because i'd already mentally surpassed the books in the section meant for kids my age. so, basically, ive been writing for maybe 13 or 14 years at the least.

when i was young, my favorite books that i remember trying to copy in my own stories were: the magic treehouse books, harry potter, and percy jackson.

the magic treehouse

i honestly could not tell you which magic treehouse book it was, but i remember reading a specific magic treehouse book where the magic lady that left the treehouse for the kids sends the kids (jack and annie??) a note in distress, and she didn't get to finish signing her name because whoever had gotten her had interrupted her. it had been printed in the book with the ink on her name running.

i could not tell you anything else that happened in that book, but i can tell you that at some point in time soon after i read that book i started writing a story with an interrupted letter just like that. i loved the drama, the mystery of it all. i wanted to do something that was a little scary like that, a little exciting.

harry potter

harry potter isn't much of a style reference, but it was a huge impact of my childhood. truth be told i kind of hated the books when i was really young because i grew up watching the movies, and when i tried to read the books when i was in elementary school, the teenage angst that hits about book 5 simply Did Not make sense to me. i also find the language of harry potter to be super cumbersome, and sometimes it feels to me like the books are long just for the sake of being long. they have a huge cultural impact, but i feel the same way about harry potter's style as i do about dickens. cool and interesting, but, like, could you get to the point already? (and also my opinion of j.k. rowling has steadily been growing worse and worse over the years, for obvious reasons. harry potter is nostalgic for me, but i can't look at it now without thinking about it critically, which really lowers my opinion of it)

however, you could probably call my first fanfiction a harry potter fanfiction. i started it when i was maybe six or seven, and it was a rewrite of the chamber of secrets with my childhood best friend as the main character (she didn't know about it, i just had her as the main character because i thought she was cool). i of course never finished it, but harry potter probably did a huge part of planting that seed of magic in me. everything i want to write included some form of magic - although my perspective on what can be considered magic has steadily expanded over the years.

percy jackson

of all my childhood "style references" that still influence me to this day, percy jackson has got to be the biggest. for starters, it's magic. second, it's main themes are about friendship and family - things that i like all my stories now to always include. third - and most important - is the narrative voice.

in terms of narrative voice, percy has a huge personality. he's witty and snarky, but also very thoughtful and poignant. a lot of my early writing was in first person, and it's probably because of percy. also, percy jackson was the first fandom i really got into, and it was the first media that i started officially writing and posting fanfiction for. percy's voice is so clear and hooking, and i wanted to be able to write something funny and real like that.

also - chapter titles. the original pjo series is famous for its weird and hilarious chapter titles, and even though i didn't really start writing fics or stories that were long enough to need chapter titles until a while later, i loved the idea of putting in a chapter title that would make a reader laugh, or maybe even make a reader feel a little apprehensive about the events to come.

but back to percy's narrative voice. i loved that style, almost conversational, so much that i started thinking like it. when i wasn't doing anything, like walking home in middle school, i often found myself narrating my life in my head like percy would, trying to find that humor and spark in my every day surroundings. i still find myself doing that very often, but not necessarily in the classic pjo style. now i narrate everything in my head a little differently, but that practice narration in my early days really helped my shape my voice, i think.

other series i read when i was younger include: a a series of unfortunate events and the name of this book is secret. i don't remember seeing a lot of influence in my early writing from those books, but i definitely think the styles of those books hit me a little later, which i will talk about in the next section.

but, yeah. these were the big three of my childhood. i also read a lot of ya romance, children's mystery books, princess stories, and various types of fantasy, which i think you could probably tell from the genres i like to stick to now. except i don't write a ton of mystery because, as much as i admire the complicated plots, im not sure if i'd have the patience to plan all that out.

in terms of the rest of the genres, a ton of my earlier writing included classic ya romance and fantasy tropes - chosen girl, love triangles, angsty overpowered teens, etc etc. even though those kinds of stories are not necessarily the kinds of stories i want to write or read now, i think my early writing of those kinds of things was really valuable. it's kind of a dirty secret with finished or unfinished works generally considered 'cringe' - often that writer is a new writer, or they're trying something new, or they just haven't found their voice yet. all of those things are perfectly okay and normal, and a lot of people in the writing community preach that kind of thing, but i don't necessarily see people cutting new writers slack in actual practice. writing "overrused" tropes isn't cringe, it's normal, and, besides, what trope isn't overrused? people have been writing and telling stories for thousands of years - nothing is really new. what matter is that someone new is telling the story, and that's what makes it valuable.

so, yeah, a lot of my childhood writing is cringe to me now, but i wouldn't be where i am without it.

with that being said, let's actually look at where i am now

2. Current Days

im going to break this section down into two parts, sort of: original fiction and fanfiction. because i think both of these things have become really important to me, and i don't believe i personally could exist as a writer without one or the other. it's a symbiotic relationship.

we'll start with fanfiction.

my relationship with fanfiction is relatively positive in online spaces: i write what i want to see from media that i like, and i have fun doing it. i also get some comments on my fics by lovely people that detail exactly what they like - some even go so far to talk about narrative style, voice, or tone - and that's really helpful. generally, i see fanfiction not only as a fun hobby and vent space for my strong positive feelings about certain media, but also as a place for me to try new things, experiment, and earn positive feedback.

i don't often share my original fiction online (and if i do, never at the same scope as my fanfiction), so i don't get that same opportunity to see what "works" with readers. fanfiction gives me the space to see that, and i apply new knowledge ive learned to my original fiction. that's what i mean by a symbiotic relationship.

in terms of specific style references for specific fics (which is what i know you probably most want to see), i'll try my best to pick them all out and give specific examples.

those benevolent stars and i am the messenger by markus zusak

in my favorite book list, i saw you mention tbs, so i'll start there. to be honest, i had no idea what my style reference for tbs was when i first saw your tags, and i almost didn't think there was anything specific. style references are a bit sneaky like that - if you've been referencing for someone for a long time, it becomes less of an intentional reference and more of just a you think, so it gets harder to tell.

lucky for this post, i just finished doing my yearly reread of zusak's i am the messenger, and as i was reading, i noticed a few spots where i was like wait hey i remember doing that.

for starters, iatm has been my favorite book for about six or seven years now, so i would say that some aspects of my style certainly comes from zusak because of how much i love iatm but also his other books. zusak has this huge talent for writing short, punchy sentences that convey so much in just a few words, and i think i've ended up trying to do that in my own writing. often, in my writing you'll see fragmentary sentences such as "He stopped. Blinked. Looked at her." that's not from anything specific, but i know ive written something like that maybe a million times over. zusak doesn't do the same thing - often his fragments are jam-packed with imagery in a way that mine aren't - but there's a thoughtfulness in his fragments that are in mine, too. a sort of pause. a hint that there's thinking happening in the narrator or a certain character. for example, i did a quick flip through of my copy and we have:

"We stare across the table.

Just briefly.

At each other." (I am the Messenger, p.144)

so you see how my common sentence fragment of "he stopped / blinked / looked at her" tracks with a fragment like this? i like the way zusak broke up sentences to make you dwell on them a little longer, consider the importance of each section, so i started doing that wayy before i wrote tbs i think.

also, at the time i wrote tbs, i think i was in the process of, or had just finished doing my reread of iatm, and, like i said, zusak loves imagery. tbs is a very imagery-heavy fic. tbs was influenced by a lot of music - a lot of the scenes have very specific pieces of music that i wrote imagining the tone and vibe of. iatm also references a lot of outside media sources, mostly music and films.

there are a couple of scenes in tbs that i think i wrote specifically mimicking or accidentally referencing from iatm. for example, we have this scene in tbs:

"It was almost like he could feel Marinette’s eyes on his back, steady and gentle. 'But you still love her.”

'Yeah,' Adrien said quietly, 'I still love her.' His eyes moved along a streak of purple that bled into a dark blue. 'I hate her a little bit, too.'

Marinette was silent.

He turned around, giving her a smile." (Those Benevolent Stars, chapter 3)

and this scene from iatm:

"'Do you hate me, Ed?'

Still stupid with bubbles and vodka in my stomach, I answer. Very seriously.

'Yes,' I whisper. 'I do.'

We both smack the sudden silence with laughter." (I am the Messenger, p. 233)

obviously there are differences, and i don't think i did it on purpose, but the interaction is very similar. i love the gentle intimacy of that scene in iatm, that weird complication relationship between the main character and the person he loves, the hurt, the brushing it off with laughter. so i wrote a scene that incorporated those things

zusak is also really good at writing moments of quiet into his books that aren't necessarily important to the plot, but are still important. if you've ever read that ghibli meta post talking about the 'quiet' between scenes in studio ghibli scenes, meant to give both the audience and the characters space to breath, it's like that. nothing in iatm is not imporant - it all serves a purpose, even the quiet moments, and i try to do the same thing. there's moments like that in tbs i think, like:

"Marinette gave him a small smile before turning back to her ice cream. Adrien tried to eat his ice cream a little faster, licking up where it had dripped onto his hand.

They were quiet for a while longer, and Marinette finished her ice cream. She leaned back on her hands and looked up at the dark sky, littered with stars.

He could see them all in her eyes, too." (Those Benevolent Stars, chapter 3)

and in iatm, you get scenes like:

"Our feet dangle.

I watch them, and I watch the jeans on Audrey's legs.

We only sit there now.

Audrey and me." (I am the Messenger, p.120)

so i definitely think tbs is a very i-am-the-messenger/markuz zusak-inspired fic. there's a lot of zusak's quiet, and there's the pieces of zusak's style that i've picked up along the way that really shine in tbs

tomorrow and this body's not big enough for the both of us by edgar cantero

ive talked about cantero a few times recently, but, as you've probably noticed, in relation to my fic called 'tomorrow.' i wrote tomorrow pretty soon after reading this body's not big enough for the both of us, and i used tomorrow specifically to experiment with cantero's visual writing style. in all the books by cantero ive read, there's this kind of hyper-awareness of a film gaze - how a certain scene would be shot on a camera, dialogue as script writing, and other things like that mixed with prose. i thought it was fascinating, and after finishing this body, i really wanted to play around with that idea. so i wrote tomorrow keeping in mind a "film gaze." for example:

"Two figures sitting on a rooftop, silhouettes. The moon hovers over them carefully, a crescent afraid to break the silence. One of the figures takes a breath, looks up into the sky at the hesitant moon, and he sighs. He closes his mouth again." (tomorrow)

versus in cantero's work, where we get descriptions like:

"And then, like a high-heeled coup de grace, she arrived.

She paused briefly outside the door, her hourglass silhouette cast upon the glass panel with the fresh shiny vinyl letters" (This Body's Not Big Enough for the Both of Us, prologue)

the tone of the two excerpts are very different, but there's a very visual sense to both of them, like they are being described from a shot in a movie rather than a regular work in prose. in tomorrow i also work a lot with specific camera imagery - saying where the camera goes in the scene, what it focuses on - and this body doesn't do this too much, but cantero's meddling kids does at least once that i remember.

regardless, after finishing this body, i wanted to try my hand at the visual structure that cantero uses in his works, so i really leaned in to the idea.

chat noir's white french man hit list for feminist purposes and grasshopper jungle by andrew smith

this is, as of right now, the most recent fic on my ao3, and i started it the literal day i finished grasshopper jungle. i think you might be getting a theme here - i read a really good book, and then immediately after i start writing something. the easiest way to get inspired as a writer is to read.

chat noir's hit list is a fic that is very much aware of the fact that it is a story being told - you don't know by who or for what real reason until the end, but it's a self aware sort of story. it's also very snarky and sarcastic, and it expands past just the confines of its own story; it's about chat noir and his hit list, but it also talks in depth about emilie agreste, chat noir's relationship with ladybug, and his relationship with himself. this is very much the kind of thing that you would find in an andrew smith book - grasshopper jungle is a story being told to you, and it's also about more than just the original pieces of the plot. the narrator tells the story that expands past regular confines of the story he means to tell - he's telling the 'history' of his life and his town, but he also talks about his great-great grandfather, the origins of the ketchup his girlfriend's dad eats, and what's happening in other parts of the country as he and his best friend are hanging out. the line in chat's hit list of "stars exploded, the sun did not, life continued on" was very much a grasshopper jungle and andrew smith-inspired line.

at the end of adrien's narration in chat's hit list, he says:

"It should be mentioned at this point in time that this story is not over, although I’ll stop telling it here.

So that’s the story of Chat Noir, who is also Adrien Agreste, who was very much a normal boy, except for the fact that he wasn’t. It’s a sad story, but it is also a happy story, and it is highly confidential. I’m sure you understand." (Chat Noir's White French Man Hit List for Feminist Purposes)

and at the end of grasshopper jungle, as the main character is closing out his narration, we get:

What I have written here is not the history of Eden. It is the history of the end of the world. All real histories will be about everything, and they will stretch to the end of the world.

The end of the world started when Andrej Szczerba slid into the cold sea as his boy, Krys, watched and wept and drifted closer and closer to the United States of America.

Nobody knew anything about it." (Grasshopper Jungle, p.382-3)

It's not overtly similar, but the structure is the same: recognition of the end, short summary of where we started and left the story, tag phrase that was used prior in the work. when i was writing the end of adrien's narration, i didn't mean to mirror grasshopper jungle so closely, but sometimes things just happen that way - honestly, so many of the things i do in my writing aren't intentional, they're subconscious. when i make a conscious choice, it's related to plot or to a new strategy im applying to style or voice that i'm not used to, but a lot of the things i do fly under the radar in my brain unless im purposefully trying to piece them apart like i am here.

i will say the meta-story of chat's hit list was pretty directly inspired by grasshopper jungle because i love meta stories, and i like using opportunities to put them in. i just love the idea of reading a story of someone telling someone else a story, which is what the two books by andrew smith i've read have been, and i think that's just fascinating, which is why i used it here.

ive gotten a couple of comments on chat's hit list that liken the narrative style to pseudonymous bosch's the name of this book is secret and lemony snicket's a series of unfortunate events, which i thought was really interesting, because i was purposefully trying to make the voice an impression of andrew smith's voice adapted to the tone of ml, but i could definitely see their reasoning.

andrew smith, like i mentioned before, likes specifics - what exactly people were doing at certain times, where a specific bottle of ketchup came from, etc. from what i remember of the name of this book is secret and a series of unfortunate events, i remember the descriptions included in those books chock full of highly specific, snarky details that aren't truly necessary, but do a whole lot in terms of adding a certain flavor to the narration. i won't try and look up examples from unfortunate events and the name of this book, but here are a couple examples:

"See, the thing about Emilie Agreste, formerly Emilie Graham De Vanily, is that she was what could be generously called a ‘radical.’ Born in 1969, like most amazing and world-altering things, Emilie Graham De Vanily grew up in London alongside her twin sister, who is a nice enough woman and who is not really that important to this story, and she was raised with the firm and gentle hands of people who had witnessed war and cruelty and had found that they did not like at all. Emilie Graham De Vanily grew up learning about the true history of England, which is not a very nice history, truly, and she grew up knowing that people with white skin like her were historically not all that great. That, historically, was a very radical thought." (Chat Noir's White French Man Hit List for Feminist Purposes)

from chat's hit list, and this:

"In 1905, being seventeen years old made you a man. In 1969 when hungry Jack fought in Vietnam, seventeen years old was a man. My brother, Eric, who was somewhere in Afghanistan, was twenty-two.

Krzys Szczerba came across the Atlantic with his father. They planned on working and earning enough money so Krzys's mother, brother, and two sisters could come to the United States, too. People who did that were called Bread Polacks. They came here to make money." (Grasshopper Jungle, p. 68)

from grasshopper jungle. once again, obviously very different, but you can tell im playing around with that same feeling of giving a surplus of facts in my narration in the same way that andrew smith does. you can't really tell in the grasshopper jungle excerpt, but oftentimes the surplus of 'facts' serves almost a comedic effect, which is definitely something that you can feel in chat noir's hit list.

[REDACTED] and six of crows by leigh bardugo

as a reward for sticking around through this, i'll give out something fun here. the current long fic that ive been working on recently has proved to be very bardugo-inspired, particularly six of crows-inspired.

in six of crows, bardugo gives us action right off the bat and then integrates flashbacks into lulls of action so that there's never truly a dull moment. i found [REDACTED] to be a fic where i wanted to use flashbacks in a similar way, so that i would get something like:

"She doesn’t stay for the whole parade, but she stays for enough of it. Nothing unusual happens, just like always, but she still makes cursory patrols around the city, ending up at the Eiffel Tower, just like always. She sits on the railing way up at the top, and she crosses her ankles, swinging her legs back and forth and humming softly to herself as she watches the sun set.

'Little kitty on the roof, all alone without his lady,' he used to sing when he’d gotten back to their meeting point from patrolling his half of the city before her. It was just a silly little song, one that he’d clearly made up for himself."

It didn’t hurt until he’d been akumatized, and she’d seen that one version of the future - the one where he’d destroyed the whole world because of Gabriel Agreste. She’d seen him then, a lonely figure in white, humming his little song to himself. Who knows how long he’d been like that before she’d been transported to him, how long he’d been really and truly alone. (REDACTED, chapter 1)

and in comparison, we get a lot of scenes in six of crows like:

"Kaz leaned against the ship's railing. He wished he hadn't said anything about his brother. Even those few words raised the memories, clamoring for attention. What had he said to Geels at the Exchange? I'm the kind of bastard they only manufacture in the Barrel. One more lie, one more piece of the myth he'd built for himself.

After their father died, crushed beneath a plow with his insides strewn across a field like a trail of damp red blossoms, Jordie had sold the farm. Not for much." (Six of Crows, p.205-6)

bardugo uses most of the flashbacks during a time in which the main characters are on a long sea voyage, which means they have a lot of time to reflect on their pasts and what brought them to these situations - it's a smart way to fill the empty space of the sea voyage and to really dwell on how important the voyage is. in a similar way, i chose to use the flashbacks in dull or lulling moments in the events of the story, ones in which marinette lets her mind wander or sees something that makes her remember something specific.

however, here's a situation where you can see me adapt the style into something that makes more sense for me, personally: in my excerpt, the tense changes between the current events and the flashback events, while in bardugo's excerpt, the tense stays the same at a comfortable past tense. when i was writing my fic with the flashbacks, i thought the constant, sometimes abrupt, switching would get confusing, so i made sure to always have a clear line using the past and present tense that readers could consciously or unconsciously take notice of.

so there are a couple of instances within some fairly recent fics i have that have specific callbacks to specific books. there are a whole bunch more, i think, but these are the ones that ive played around with intentionally the most recently or the most often.

3. Future Days

based on my recent rapid experimentation in fics (the most recent four fics on my ao3 have been very experimental in comparison to most of my works), i really anticipate a lot of growth in my overall style. ive been having a lot of fun experimenting and throwing in things that a few years ago i would've never even thought of, so im really excited to see where that might lead me, style wise.

i think as a writer there's always room for growth and learning, and that kind of growth and learning comes from not only practicing writing, but also reading. i cannot stress enough how valuable and impactful reading is on writing. considering ive been trying to read a lot more than i have been in recent years, it makes a lot of sense that ive been making a lot of weird decisions and learning more about what i want to see in my own writing.

honestly, if you ever want to know about any of my other fics, or you want to see how this kind of thing translates to my original works, just shoot me an ask! this post is already long enough, so i think i'll go ahead and end it here, but just know you can always ask questions<3

thank you so much for asking me this question and letting me indulge, and thank you for reading!!!<3<3<3<3

#ask #miabrown007 #writing #writing meta #writing style #writing style reference #my writing meta #this took. actually i will not say how long this took because i do not want to hurt myself that way #just know that this took a while. did it need to? fucking no absolutely not you didn't ask for something this long i did this to myself #this is why i didn't answer this for a couple days btw i wanted to take time to actually sit down and write down a thorough post like this #for you and i didn't have the time when you first sent it #technically i should not have had the time today but that sort of thing doesn't count in the middle of the night #happy birthday to me im giving myself a super long meta post where i info dump about some of my favorite things #also you did not. you did not ask for writing or life advice and yet i also gave that. im sorry it just happens i don't know how to stop #im so tired. i have class tomorrow (today) my cat's being a little piece of shit. we love to see it #thanks so much for asking this and i seriously mean it when i say you can ask any time #i obviously didn't go over the majority of my fics and most of this was done off of memory alone #(in terms of my own fics. the books i had to flip through to find the quotes i wanted) #so if you have any more questions about a specific fic don't hesitate to ask!! that goes for everyone btw #anyway now i have to pay attention to my cat and then go to sleep goodnight love y'all

[supportivespaceforsurvivors]

tw: potential (c)sa, parental abuse, sex ment

[also: i sent this ask to the old advice blog but it was not recovered ig. i took 5 screenshots of my ask before i sent it but have been unable to fully extract the text from them. however i have now done so and added a tiny bit more. this is my biggest concern, and i checked the old blog every few hours at least for 2 weeks anxiously awaiting a response. it's ok if y'all can't get to this obv, but i feel like saying that i would really really prefer that this be answered sooner rather than later as i have been wanting a response to this since the moment i first sent it a month ago...]

i'm wondering if some things my dad did when i was a teen was actually csa. and am wondering if i have repressed memories of other contact csa from him because... around that time, i also started having the worst nightmares in which he would physically sexually abuse me, and have had them ever since- they have reoccurred for years and have been my only reoccurring dreams. i have wondered if he'd done something i couldn't remember... I started racking my brain for memories of that age recently (im 20 now), and realized some other non contact things he did could've actually been csa.

- when i was 15, me (afab) and my afab boyfriend would have sex in my room when he'd come over now and again. we'd sometimes lock my door but usually not as my parents would think that meant we were doing stuff (and i thought my dad would get mad)... it was still kinda obvious, but at least not that blatant ig... anyways. my dad would always knock on my door when we'd be doing stuff, for various reasons, and every single time he'd open the door and look directly at us in the eye. we'd rarely have time to get ourselves decent again, so we usually kept tops on. sometimes though we didn't and he even would do this when we were under the blanket with no clothes. it was obvious what we were doing but he still fucking did that. i had no privacy. now just the thought of looking him in the eyes, of even seeing his face, makes me want to scream and do violent things to him. [also nobody bothered to tell me how to do sexual things safely, which i'm now realizing was probably also neglect and maybe also SA. I was 15 and knew nothing...]

- he also drove me home from school everyday and shout/curse at me the entire car ride. my stepmom always came home hours later than we did, so he and i were alone then. everyday i'd run straight to my room as i was under an unbelievable amount of anxiety/distress constantly back then every moment of my life and needed time to be alone etc... he would every time follow me and come up to my door and start shouting again and bang on my door. eventually/soon he'd get too angry at talking to a door with no response ig and force his way in. i couldnt lock it bc he'd get that much worse if i did. when i did start locking it though, i'd sit there and always listen to him work it open for 30-60 sec. i didnt want him to fucking come in, so sometimes i would say "dont come in, im changing!!!" to stop him, but he almost always came in anyways. sometimes i would actually be changing then, bc it was after school and i wore a binder and pants etc... I always did so in my closet out of his sight because my privacy was never guaranteed. he never asked to come in just forced his way in without my consent. even if i said i was changing, even if i actually was changing. again, i was a small teen and he was an adult man and nobody else was around to stop him from doing literally anything he desired.

- he would constantly make a point of violating my personal space around then just bc he could bc he was the adult i was the kid and "you dont tell me what to fuckin do. ill do what i fuckin want." he'd stick his bare dirty feet inches from me on the couch when i had nowhere else to sit and he still chose to lay down flat, and when i sat on the chair next to the couch he'd put his feet up on the sides of the chair in my face. he also stuck his elbow far onto my side of the car everyday always, despite me asking him to move it so i didnt have to fear him touching my arm. [i'm also autistic and have an extreme touch aversion, even before he knew i was autistic he knew this was an issue i had and greatly distressed me. he knew i had anxiety, ptsd, and depression and was in therapy for years.] [also it may be worth mentioning that i am more averse to touching him than any other human being ever. i haven't been able to hug him or say "ily" or aaaanything since before he took me in 7 years ago. he makes fun of me for yelping, screeching, etc whenever his arm brushes up against me for example. and fucking STILL touches me occasionally on purpose to get a rise out of me and then make fun of me. or touches me and pretends like it was "on accident" when i think he just wanted any excuse to touch his child, who has been utterly disgusted by him for nearly a decade...]

i still live with him (although am currently staying with a friend because i needed to get away from him; im terrified to go back tbh...). hes slightly better now but i still am extremely traumatized by him (he did MUCH MUCH more but this is just the personal space/potential SA things). i hate this. anyway. i know this is all not ok and was abuse. i also know i could Not be repressing more csa memories, i don't need to be told that. (nor do i want advice on how to cope with any of this.) my main concern is that: was any of this csa? could i have also been sexually abused in a contact sense and repressing it too? the nightmares affected me so much and were so vivid always. they could just be symbolic of him invading my privacy but its fucking weird that its always specifically sexual (contact) and again reoccurring for years.

Hey anon. I'm sorry it took so long for us to answer this. Originally a different mod claimed it and then everyone's lives got super busy and by then they realized they didn't really know how to.

What your dad did definitely sounds like a violation of your privacy and emotional and verbal abuse.

When it comes to your bolded question: It's possible that some of his behavior had sexual connotations to it, but we weren't there and without having been there it's really hard to tell you if it was abuse or not, because these things aren't as cut and dry as we sometimes hope they are.

It's possible that you were sexually abused by him and are repressing it, but ultimately there's no way to know for sure if you are repressing something unless you remember it, and we aren't in a position where we can tell if you are repressing something.

I would highly suggest you talk to a professional about this if you are able.

Good luck,

Mod Devyn

#ask #answered #mod devyn #anonymous #tw csa #tw sa #ask to tag #this isn't as helpful as i wish it was #but sometimes we have to be inside your brain in order to know and unfortunately there's no way to do that

[ofieugogyshz]

One of them ole introduction posts

Hi, I'm Sarah, and I had been watching the self-shipping community from afar for a year, until I decided to put this blog out there when last year began.

I'm 33 years old, so if an adult of that age interacting with you is a bother, don't be afraid to ask me to unfollow! My pronouns are a lot; they/them will suffice most of the time. I also have yet to come up with a pseudonym, so please feel free to give me a nickname if you want! I'm also a sex-repulsed aroace, which feels very important to state upfront!

I've been a self-shipper since before I made friends with others who fangirled like that in our wee baby teen internet years. So like. 19 years. That is a long time, especially with the same f/o, so you can say that we've grown together? Or, more likely, he's seen me grow and mature as a person. A LOT. And he's very proud of me to the point that it's almost sappy.

Anyhoo. I don't really know what all to put in these things. This blog is primarily a happy place blog; it'll serve as a collective of posts for my main f/o, and my idol children. And whatever else catches my fancy. The mobile link for my f/o list is in my bio.

My main f/o of the last 20 years is Lance from Pokemon! Because of the time we've shared, and how special he's been for me, he is the one f/o that i am not comfortable sharing. Like, I don't mind talking about him and fangirling with others! But seeing others' ships with him feels very.... Weird and awkward and overall uncomfortable! So I might not be able to interact much on a ship level; I will, however, GLADLY fangirl the heck out of him with you, tho! I've been in fangirl mode nonstop since the anipoke episode back in Feb a few years ago! 💕💞💕💞💕💞💕💞💖💖💘💘

My best idol kids are Otoya from Utapri; and Rin, Nozomi Mari, Hanamaru, & Ai from LLSIF. I don't really have a significantly self-insert familial status with them despite calling 'em my kids, they're just my bestest boy/girls, who I know would be cheering me on, and going thru a bunch of fanart of them is sure to make my day. Especially when my best kids are the ones who have some of the best smiles and biggest energies.

Other than my idol kids, I've accepted that Silver is basically like a son to Lance, which makes him like a redheaded stepson for me. And there's Ms. Honey from the Isle of Armor DLC, who makes for a kickass and supportive mom. I love her, please adopt me.

I've also adopted the Universe 6 Saiyans Cabba, Caulifla, and Kale as my kids, bc they're such good kids. Auriana from Lolirock and Tsuruno from Magia Record make for the best orange magical girls that I also want to adopt. Did you know that Fret from Neo: TWEWY is my bi fashion icon son? Because he is.

There might be some other stuff, like Team Golden Deer or Boogiepop, the latter of whom I don't know if i want to be or if i just really really like the character of.

Ack, this is getting really long! It's become more of an intro than a self-promo! Anyways hi please feel free to follow + interact if u like pokemon, TWEWY, dbz, utapri, llsif, opm... there's lots of other series i'm familiar with but those are the big ones for me that i’d love to meet more friends of!

Thanks for reading!

#self ship community #jokes on all of you this was gonna be my original intro post back when I first poked my head out this year #and i've kept it in drafts for like 5vr #so hello!! i don't think i've put together an about but there you go #i know it's too long!! that's ok!!!

[thotsforvillainrights]

~Perfect Birthday~

Au: Kaishi

Part: twelve

Theme: Fluff? Comedy? Who knows lol

(These 2 are going on an adventure)

"Buttercream? No that wont do. Vanilla with a touch of banana or Strawberry? Shoot! What about...hmmm...." You focused on the ingredients so hard that you were developing a light headache. Meanwhile, your husband sat across from you at the kitchen table, scrolling through his laptop for themes and present ideas. "Y/N, just settle on chocolate and call it a day." Kai announced while his eyes hovered on a Circus theme. He shuddered lightly at the thought of animals being involved. 'Absolutely not' he thought to himself. You sighed and put the ingredients list down. "I cant settle on Chocolate. I'm worried that someone might have an allergy to it. I'm also so worried about the vegan adults that might be here. What about the picky eaters too? Kai, I feel like I'm going insane right now." You gripped the sides of the chair you sat on. He peeked up at you and notices your incoming distress. He sighed and stood up to move behind you. He softly gripped each of your shoulders and began to give you an impromptu massage. "Stop worrying so much about it so much, Angel. Just do chocolate cake since its the brat's favorite flavor. We can go with a vegan cupcake option that should be safe for the people with chocolate allergies as well. As for the others, there will be other food and even beverage options. You're working so hard for people I dont even care about. This is all for my son and no one else but him. His happiness is my only concern."

You sighed and reached up to place a hand on your husband before turning to smile sweetly at him. "Kai, you're being sweet today." You teased him and he scoffed. "Anyway, I know you only want to focus on Kaishi but having other kids here for the first time, other than Ishida, is like his dream come true. It took me a lot of time to get on the parents good sides. It took a lot of time for them to want to bring other kids around Kaishi because if the yakuza affiliations. Had it not been for the fact that you've began working into charity for the city, I dont think anyone would've given us a chance. Bow we have parent friends, and now Kaishi has a chance for an amazing birthday this year. Let's not mess this up, okay? That means NO EXCESSIVE GERMAPHOBIA, and NO ANTISOCIAL BEHAVIOR okay?" You drilled it home at the end. He sighed in annoyance. "Ugh fine. I'll try to conversate with the other scum as if they never insulted the yakuza before. You had better be lucky I appreciate you and Kaishi at this point or this wouldn't be happening." Kai complained before pulling his medical mask down and kissing you lightly on your lips. "You two are being icky again. I'm going to tell Grandpa on you guys." Kaishi's voice brought you two back to reality. "Oh hush, and mind your business." Kai said as he ruffled his son's short hair playfully. Kaishi giggled and swatted the gloved hand away. He took a seat at the kitchen table next to Kai's laptop and peeked over to see what was on the screen. While you went to fix him some oatmeal, his father bolted to the seat and slapped the laptop closed. "No peeking. Havent you any manners?" Kai fussed lightly while Kaishi smiled. "Its okay daddy, I already know you two are planning my birthday for tomorrow." The boy said proudly. "That may be so, but it doesnt mean we cant at least surprise you with the decorations and food." Kai explained. You placed breakfast in front of Kaishi and sat down with your boys. Pops had just entered the kitchen at this point. "Family breakfast? Dont mind if I do." He smiled and took a seat next to you. "Grandpa, what will you give me for my birthday?" Kaishi asked excitedly. Kai flicked his cheek. "Dont be rude brat, respect your elders." He scolded him as Pops laughed. "Oh calm down, Chisaki my boy. My grandson is very calm at this age compared to how you used to act." Pops said with a smirk as you laughed and Kai blushed lightly with embarrassment. "Anyway, my Grandchild your gift will have to remain a surprise until tomorrow." Pops winked and Kaishi groaned. "Aw man. Well, mom/dad? What will you get me?" He turned to look at you in anticipation. You put a finger to your chin to think for a second. Then you snapped and made an 'Ah-Ha' expression. "I'm going to get you a fancy suit! Maybe I'll get some toys too. Just maybe, you'll have to wait and see." You teased him and he smiled. "Daddy, what about you?" He looked at Kai for an answer. "Just like Pops said, it will be a surprise. However, I'll take the time now to ask you what you want as a gift from all of us. It'll serve separately from the gifts we'll get you so dont worry." Kai watched his son expectantly as Kaishi searched his little mind. Seconds later he piped up excitedly:

"SMOOGLY!!!" He shouted happily and raised his arms dramatically in the air. You and Pops laughed while Kai tilted his head in confusion. "Smoo-what? Are you well? Are you speaking in tongues???" Kaishi giggled at his father's confusion. You turned towards Kai to explain. "Kai, Smoogly is a character from Kaishi's favorite show. He's this giant lollipop that dances and sings. Yknow, kids love that stuff." Kai stared at you for a second before nodding. Then he turned his attention back to Kaishi eating breakfast finally. "Alright then, you want Smoogly then that's what you'll get." After breakfast, Kaishi went to call Ishida on the phone. You monitored in awe, gushing as your baby talked to his little crush over the phone. The two were fast friends, and she was the first/only child in the class to accept and support Kaishi to the fullest degree. Meanwhile, Pops went to the backyard to water the flowers and feed the Koi in the pond. Kai headed out to the car to call Kurono/pick him up. "Chrono, I know I've given you the off day but I need a favor." Kai spoke on the car wireless phone while he drove. "Yeah man, what's up?" Hari answered from the other side. He was currently face deep in a 3rd bag of chips as he reclined on his sofa. "The brat's birthday is tomorrow and it's his first big one with other parents and children expected to be there. He wants some actor there to perform or something. Some thing called Smogie or Smothly or something like that."

"OHHHHH!!!! You're talking about Smoogly!" Hari shouted excitedly, his voice boomed over the car speakers. "Yeah whatever that mess is. Anyway, help me track him down and I'll give you tomorrow off to repay you from today. You can also have some leftover cake." Kai offered him. "Bet!" Kurono answered shortly before hanging up and getting ready. In moments Kai was at his door to retrieve him. The two men drove around for a bit while Kurono did some searching online. Lucky for him, it wasn't that hard to find Smoogly's booking information. "Found it, Kai. It says here that we can email and make a down payment, or call the home offices for a response in about...14 days." Kai almost slammed on the breaks. "14 days??? No that's not possible for a booking that could be denied. My Kaishi's birthday is tomorrow. We need to get this Smoogly there as soon as possible." He felt a bit of panic set in. Kai would never forgive himself if he couldn't get his son's biggest wish for his birthday. "Hey man chill. We'll just go to his office and speak to him directly. I mean, we've got a little pull when it comes to money. Also, we're yakuza so..."

"I know what you're thinking Chrono, and the answer is no. We cant push too many buttons or we'll end up leaving the gray area in which we operate in. I cant afford to get arrested on Kaishi's birthday." Hari rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Whatever man. Just take a left onto the main freeway and we should reach the exit in like 30 minutes. After that, we just follow the main road for 4 more minutes, take a right at the stop light, and turn off the Broadway drive. Smoogly's office should be right between a steak restaurant and a car dealership." Hari explained the directions. Kai nodded and the two were on their way. Once they made it to the offices, they took a number and sat in the waiting room. The wait wasnt uncomfortable to Kai...it was the old man across from them that kept coughing that made him uncomfortable. He felt hives pop up on his arms. Luckily the two were called before he went insane! Only minutes later they were standing before a chubby man smoking a cigarette behind a desk. He had dark hair, and was balding right in the middle of his head. His skin was just a step away from being super pale (no doubt because he had the costume on a lot) His noticable feature was the large mole on his cheek. He was clearly a foreigner from some city somewhere, thanks to his accent.

(!!!Reader, think about Carl from Aqua Teen Hunger Force!!!)

"Alright, what can I do for you two men? Wait a minute, you two are the tax guys right?"

"Uhhh, no. No we're here to inquire about an opening to hire you? The pay will of course be-"

"Yeah yeah yeah. Pay doubled blah blah. I've heard this a million times before. I get bastards like you that come in here every single day asking to pay extra just so I can come to your event. The moms are even worse since they also think they're entitled to my services." The chubby man interrupted Kai. "Please. It's my son's birthday. You see, this birthday is special because he's never had-"

"Pshhh...yeah buster, you're kid is special. Just like everyone else that's come in here before you to say the same thing. Bottom line is that I ain't doing it. If you want my services than file through email or take it up with the front desk. Deposits non-refundable if you get denied. Have a nice day." He put out the cigarette and picked up a rather inappropriate nude magazine. Kai looked at Chrono and sighed as if to say Hari can take over. Hari smiled darkly and went to approach the desk. The chubby man hadn't looked up from the magazine as he spoke. "Look man, I said piss off. What, you didnt get the picture the first time or-" he immediately froze and turned his attention to Hari when he heard the click of the gun. When he turned, he was staring down the glock.

Hari spoke up darkly. "Hey buddy, I'm a changed man but that doesn't mean shit is sweet. I've killed a dozen people before and I'm not afraid to go to prison. Either you do my nephews birthday party tomorrow, or we wear your face on a memorial T-Shirt. Fuck is it gonna be? Eh???" The man gulped and shakily reached his finger out to the voice machine on his desk. "Deborah cancel all my appointments tomorrow, I've got a birthday to go do." Hari and Kai smiled when they heard the voice reply 'Right away, sir.' They bid the man goodbye and left the office. The next day, Kaishi rushed to the backyard after taking a quick shower and getting ready. It was decorated beautifully with bounce houses, a splash area, party games, an extensive food/present table, swings, slides, etc. Most importantly, the parents actually showed up with their kids. Kaishi almost cried tears of happiness when he finally had friends to play with. Meanwhile, you and Pops chatted with the other parents until Smoogly arrived to perform. The kids absolutely loved every bit! Every once in a while, the Lollipop turned to look at Kurono standing in the corner, smirking menacingly and daring him to slip up just once. Smoogly quickly turned around and kept performing. At the end of his shift, he was paid extra just as Kai promised, and Kaishi got to take a picture with him. Finally it came time for presents. Kaishi was happy to receive so many gifts, but he was more eager to get his gifts from you, Kai, and Pops (even Hari got him a secret gift at the last minute). Kaishi smiled at the wooden box Pops had given him. When he opened it, it revealed a small pin on a soft cushion. It was shiny and brand new. It was the symbol of the Hassaikai, the infamous flower design. "My grandson, when your father was younger I had given him this very same gift. Please be sure to take good care of it." He gently placed a hand on Kaishi's head. The boy nodded excitedly and passed the box for you to hold while he opened up the remaining gifts. It was a surprise jacket from you to him. It was just a smaller version of Kai's jacket! Plus that suit you promised, and a few other Smoogly themed toys as well. From Hari, he recieved a new helmet for his new bike. Finally from Kai he received a matching mask. With the suit and the jacket, he was the matching embodiment of his very on father (aside from inheriting some of your skin tone depending on your color, my dear reader).

This was truly the perfect birthday.

»—————————–———————————————————–✄

TIp Jar: https://cash.app/$YuTakeyama

#kaishi au #Kaishi #au #kai chisaki #chisaki kai #overhaul #mha overhaul #bnha overhaul #my hero academia overhaul #bnha #mha #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #yakuza #shie hassaikai #kurono hari #hari kurono #bnha chronostasis #chronostasis #chrono

[retroateez]

1980s horror film - s.mingi

hello all!!!

it’s been a lot longer than i intended, but a bunch of stuff came up and i both didn’t have time and didn’t feel like writing. this also wasn’t what i initially planned on posting, but life works weirdly and here we are. that being said, i wrote this in a way that is different to how i typically write so i apologise if it sounds/feels weird or awkward. regardless, i hope u enjoy! (also i didn’t realise it was all lower case so please ignore the inconsistency lmao)

//

pairing: song mingi x reader genre: unrequited love?? idk how to tag it oops word count: 1660 this is inspired by a song titled ‘1980s horror film II’ by wallows! 

//

mingi had been waiting for eons to score a date with y/n. way too long. all of his friends (mainly wooyoung), teased him constantly about her, but he had never gathered the courage to do anything about it.

they'd been friends for a long while, even hanging out a few times together at the cinema, or just going out for lunch before mingi realised he had an absolutely huge crush on her.

recently he'd been avoiding her like the plague, using volleyball practice, or band rehearsal with the boys as an excuse not to hang out with her. 

that was, until one sunny saturday afternoon, when she called him out of the blue. he took a few moments to collect himself, staring at the ringing phone in his hand like it was a ticking bomb seconds away from a devastating explosion.

"hey dingus!" y/n called down the phone once he had collected himself enough to answer. "what are you doing?" she asked.

"nothing. why?" 

"i'm bored." she declared. "wanna come over?"

"s-sure!" mingi agreed straight away.

"sweet. see you soon then!" y/n hung up, and mingi was convinced he might pass out.

he'd never been to her house before. maybe she really did like him back? oh god, he was starting to internally panic now; how was he supposed to act? he didn't want to be a creep but he didn't want to be painfully awkward either. oh god. oh god oh god oh god.

"get it together, mingi." he scowled at himself in the mirror, shaking his faded red hair side to side. he couldn’t make a fool of himself in front of her; he absolutely would not allow it. 

this could be his chance, to finally muster enough balls to ask y/n out before it was too late. yes, he'd decided; today would be the day.

-----

half an hour later, an exceptionally nervous song mingi knocked on the door of his highschool crush. he reached up and brushed a shaking hand through his hair, wondering whether his legs were numb from fear or the chilling bite of the surprisingly cold weather. 

a few moments passed, then the door swung open to reveal y/n. she was dressed in her usual style, comfy, stylish, beautiful, very y/n. in truth, she could be wearing a trashbag and mingi would still say she looked gorgeous.

she gave him a wide, toothy grin and stepped aside to let him in.

"welcome to mi casa!" she motioned to the hallway dramatically, one arm sweeping out in front of her and almost bashing her elbow into the kitchen doorframe.

"i wanna watch a movie!" she said, once she had recovered from the near injury. "i've already got the snacks ready, so let's go!"

she began bounding up the stairs, mingi following her before realising where they were headed and freezing abruptly in his tracks.

"we're going upstairs?" he breathed, anxiety flooding him from head to foot.

just what exactly was she expecting from him?

"yeah?" she shrugged. "is that a problem?"

"no!" he replied, perhaps a little too quickly. "no, that's not a problem at all."

-----

he was scared.

bordering on terrified.

y/n's bedroom was dark; having pulled the curtains before mingi's arrival to avoid the sun glaring onto the television.

as the minutes went on, mingi became less and less sure just what she was planning this afternoon.

she paced over to the tv set, opening a dvd case and slotting a disc into the player.

"it's a 1980s horror film," she explained. "i've been wanting to watch it for ages, but i didn't want to watch it alone... you don't mind, do you?"

mingi shook his head quickly. he did in fact mind, not being the biggest fan of the horror genre, but he'd made it this far, and backing out now was definitely not an option. plus, if wooyoung caught wind of mingi chickening out, he would never hear the end of it.

"here," she motioned to her bed; a double, with lilac sheets and an appropriate amount of cushions bundled up by her pillows. "take a seat."

unsure of whether he should, but not wanting to be rude, mingi crawled across her bed, sitting down amidst the cushions and crossing his legs like an obedient, yet timid child. he watched y/n grab her desk chair, dragging it across the room and placing it beside the bed, distanced but still close enough to mingi to completely throw him off his guard.

"don't you want the be-"

"nonsense!" she cut him off before he could even get the words out. "you're my guest, so you get the bed."

mingi was bewildered. never in his life had he expected to be in this situation. it appeared that y/n had absolutely zero intentions of doing anything romantic. which, don't get him wrong, was totally fine, but regardless he was still confused.

all the cheesy high school romance movies he’d watched, and all the young adult fiction novels he had read hinted that when you were invited to your crush’s house, alone, it usually indicated they wanted something romantic. or something more. absolutely nothing had prepared him for, or even suggested that the current circumstances would ever occur in a million years. mingi felt rather cheated, to be honest.

was she making him wait on purpose? deliberately staying away from him in the hopes that he'd just cave in and sweep her off her feet? y/n didn't seem like that kind of girl, but mingi had been wrong about a lot of things when it came to y/n. 

the movie began to play, and they sat surrounded by darkness, mingi decided he would simply go with the flow. he was a nervous wreck, but he wasn't a pervert; he wouldn't do anything unless y/n initiated it. the last thing he wanted was to make her uncomfortable. 

despite reaching a solution, he couldn't get it out of his mind how close they were in the moment. glancing to his side, he could very much reach out and gently touch her hair. or softly caress her cheek. 

obviously, he wouldn't, because that would be weird. and that was a vibe he was trying to avoid today.

halfway through the movie, y/n jumped up, explaining she had to use the bathroom and scaring the shit out of mingi in the process.

he kept his gaze fixed on the movie playing in front of him, but his mind wandered to other places. he sighed deeply.

he didn't even know what to say to her.

she's always on his mind,

and yet,

he's too afraid to say anything. how long would this pathetic pining go on for? surely it would be better for him to take wooyoung's advice and just go for it? otherwise he'll be playing this game for god knows how long. 

that was it.

he simply couldn't help the way he was feeling; he needed to get it out, to tell her how he truly feels.

and maybe, just maybe, she'd feel the same way too.

y/n comes back, and mingi gears himself up for his confession. digging into the deepest corners of his mind to find the right words to use. deciding to abandon his previous resolution to let y/n initiate, he convinces himself to take charge and follow the lead of every heteronormative teen movie in existence, and sweep the girl off her feet.

until she ditches the chair, motioning for mingi to scooch over and then she lays down right beside him. 

the bed is fairly large, but then again mingi is no regular sized teenage boy, his lanky frame taking up a considerable portion of the bed.. as a result, his right side and her left are pressed flush against each other, and poor mingi thinks he's about to explode.

but still, he inhales deeply, surveying the situation.

the lights are off, 

the mood was right.

perfect.

mingi lets her settle for a short while, which is really him internally psyching himself up, before setting his masterplan into action.

he turns his head slowly to look at y/n, noticing how invested she is in the movie and he pouts a little.

he wants her attention.

she still doesn't notice, so he opts for placing his hand on her cheek as gently as he can and guides her gaze towards him.

her eyebrows furrow together in confusion, but she makes no effort to move away.

frozen anxiety that mingi misinterprets as a green light.

his eyes fall shut, and his upper body leans forward the tiniest amount. he's so close. so close to finally being able to show y/n how he feels. he's seconds away from having a weight lifted off his shoulders. he can't wait to shove it in wooyoung's face either, all the times the younger boy had called him a pussy had pissed mingi off to no end, but look at him now wooyoung, look at him now.

all he needed was for y/n to bridge the gap between them.

but instead, a small hand on mingi's shoulder pushes him back, and his eyes snap open abruptly, and he feels his stomach fall straight through his ass.

"y/n, i-"

the look on her face stops mingi dead in his tracks, because he can't read her expression.

is she mad? is she super pissed that he tried to kiss her? he'd understand if she was, it probably wasn't the best course of action but it was the best he could come up with. is she angry? is she hurt? disappointed? he searches her eyes, burning into his, for answers but comes up short. all he can do is try and guess how she's feeling, but realistically he's no expert, he's no mindreader, how is he suppo-

"mingi, i'm really not that into guys." 

oh.  

#ateez #song mingi #mingi x reader #unrequited #poor mingi #surprise she's a lesbian #uh oh #song mingi fluff #ateez x reader #mingi fluff #mingi angst #mingi #ateez fluff #ateez angst

[nomand-berserka]

A little openly honest abridged intro in to me and dealing with my head and my black dog.

I am the newly appointed Team Leader for West Yorkshire with the guys at Veterans Hike. @veteranshike

Ive found a love for hiking over the past few months, since this crazy lockdown here in the UK.

I have struggled a lot over the years since leaving the Army, still dont feel like I fit into the bracket called Civvie. I know that may sound a little cliche. But it is exactly what it is.

I joined the forces straight from school. There was nothing for me where I lived, and with a long proud military history in my family, I felt it's what I'd always wanted and knew in my early to mid teens, that I'd join up.

I felt I did pretty well, considering pretty much everyone I knew, thought that I wouldnt even make it past selection. Well I pissed on their parade let me tell ya.

I'm not going to go into the ins and out of my career. But the tours I did, were SFOR (peacekeeping) Bosnia 98 and Op Agricola Kosovo 99.

Now with that, I've seen some pretty fkd up stuff at the ages of 18 and 19.. But you crack on and get the job the done. Get back home and continue as normal.

Now upon leaving the Army, I felt very lost. Ended up going from job to job, due to not being able to fit in with or liking the people I worked with. Often getting pushed out because of having a different mindset... This turned into a serious dislike for people in general. There was no bond, no brotherhood, everyone out for themselves and didnt care who they fkd over to get what they wanted.

This became the time I started with the heavy drinking and the stupid violence, infact the drink and the violence became the reason I lost my family and almost ended up 6 feet under.

The violence continued, as I just hated everyone... for lots of different reasons. This then led to me serving time on a couple of occasions. But it still continued after being locked up... I didnt see it as a problem, as I just thought "I wont take peoples shit", and I'll show anyone who tries to give me shit. That it will lead to getting hurt. Jump forward to being left for dead with 2 stab wounds... Yes it got that bad. Maybe I was asking for my way out?

Jump forward a year or so of living a dark time.

Its then i got into martial arts (Muay Thai under the tutilage of master Ronnie Green 5 time world champion), a friend of mine didnt want to see me locked up again. Or with more perforations than a "Tetley Tea bag". This became my drive again, I'd found something I could focus on and put myself, my whole self into again.

First session in, I was hooked. Had my first full contact fight at just over 6 months and had plenty thereafter, still have the copy of my official invite to the 2013 world championships. This was my crowing glory moment... This is where I'd found the focus to not be that drunked violent ass hat. My fitness went through the roof and I felt good again for the first time in years

Injury got me though, put me right back to not being able to train. Even ended my career, I tried to train again, but way too soon. Causing myself more problems. Taking even longer to get back to 100%

My anger started to creep back, the bad food the drinking... and yes the violence. then jump again forward to going back to prison for a very violent episode in 2015. Where 2 people got badly hurt. I pleaded guilty. I tried to reach out for help before the day in court. But it was too little too late...

However, in prison this time in 2016 I asked for help. Where can i get it, and who can help me the most.. There was a small eager group called Care after Combat, they concentrate on helping Veterans, who are sent to prison. During and after release. (I'll go into them at a later date).

I've kept my nose clean since then, was officially Dignosed with PTSD in 2017, so done a few local therapy courses Anger Management, CBT but still no actual PTSD help as of yet. Combat Stress, I think may have forgotten about me hahaha.

But the thought of prison!!!! id rather not go back ever again. Plus I'm getting on now, and not a 25 year old dick head. Eith a chip on his shoulder about civvies anymore.

Jump forward again, to present Covid 19 times.

I'm a joiner now put myself through College 12 years ago. The outdoors have always agreed with me. But after a work accident last year in August I had 14 weeks sat at home gaining weight. Bordem drinking and eating shit and the head started to go again. But thankfully got back to work early December.

In March 2020 and we get Furloughed. For however long it may take.

So I gave myself THE talking to. Stay off the booze (well not completely hehe). Keep yourself busy. Find a focus in something, anything. Just dont he that dickhead again.

So here I am, I spend at least 3 days a week walking the Pennines and the moors between my beloved Yorkshire and the dark soggy lands of Lancahire. Its literally 20 minutes from my door to where I park the motor. My head still goes south, but more into the low mood and hating myself for allowing what I'd done in the past. I've had depression for years, but it was always over shadowed by my stupidity. So when it does that, i hit my local park and do 10 laps (8 miles) of that. Or just get my pack ready and hit the trails. Often doing around 15-20 miles.

Now I've started with a small Daystack and have started adding weight, carring 15kg. plus 3 litre camelback, food stuff and inclement weather gear. Its north of England the weather does what it wants. "If tha dunt lyk weather, jus bloody wait 20 minutes It'l change". hahaha.

Doing this has given me more drive in my fitness and massively boosted my mental state. Plus the escape from the rat race bollox that we all have to live through. More and more people have started to notice my weight loss. Down from 20 stone to just over 17 stone. Now I'm as round as I am tall, but for a fat lad I've been told I'm pretty fit... Guess all those years in the Army, years of Muay Thai and Kempo Jiu Jitsu. It must have left some form of conditioning and muscle memory. So this again boosts me. I'm now picking up the weights at home and even got a bike... so this new found fitness is a fantastic feeling again... it's not just about keeping busy anymore, it's about showing people. Who I'd alienated during all these years, that I'm not the same guy, and they are wanting to come on hikes with me now

(Its also pushed me to train for the 3 peaks... but that's another story for another time)

It's also the biggest Therapy I can give myself, sometimes I go it alone and sometimes I have company. The outdoors is literally where I feel at my easiest and most peaceful... The benefits are there for everyone who knows me, to see. Its physically demanding, but it's so peaceful. If I bump into other people, there is always a nod a smile and a "morning/afternoon" exchanged. Not all people are nob heads haha!

I cant stress enough how good it feels to keep occupied physically and mentally, buy doing something I never thought I'd do...

It's become my passion... I'm looking into longer routes all the time, and now looking at some proper outdoors gear. Better rucksack even a tent. If being up the hills for a few hours or just a day, makes me feel things are better. Then surely a couple of days and nights will be even better...Right?

I want to thank anyone who takes the time to reads this, however you see it. Be it on insta, Tumbler or FB. So cheers guys and gals.

We all have hardships, we all need that help at some point. Go out and find what makes it all better, please guys. We all deserve to smile for what ever reason.

Who knows, we may even cross trails someday. You'll always get a smile and a nod from me.

Steve

The Nomad Beserka

[warmbeebosoftbeebo]

Why don't you get your nose out of what other people are into kink wise?? Because even anal is uncomfortable and unpleasant for people and they would consider that violating and triggering. If you don't like the things someone says or posts then fuck off and unfollow instead of shame them for what they enjoy. Kink shaming is not cool dude. I'm sure there's plenty of people that hate anal and you wouldn't like being made to feel like a freak for liking it. Grow up.

oh, boy, buckle up.

i brought it up in a new post, not naming her or alluding to her post, because it is something seen so fucking often both in this fandom and on the internet generally. she also specifically said for him to squeeze his arm around her neck till she passes out. if she had said something like “i’d like him to stroke my neck while i hold my breath as long as i comfortably can and one or both of us plays with my pussy till i come” i would barely have cared, and it wouldn’t have gotten me back on my soap box again. she responded to my post in a reblog and i responded back. she initiated the conversation between us with that reblog. and i responded back, trying to explain my views clearly albeit longly, once. 

men choking women is a common sexual act, a meme, and a threat online, and within this fandom. “if you don’t like it fuck off”? honestly, that’s telling women to leave the public square and go back to the kitchen and bedroom and laying back and thinking of england if they can’t handle “robust speech” or sexuality in media in public. i couldn’t be online or in this fandom if i couldn’t handle seeing it, or refused to see it. 

here’s another link on the dangers of strangulation https://tonic.vice.com/en_us/article/jpnj5x/how-risky-is-it-to-be-choked-during-sex

this whole “anti kink shaming” thing is just.. if kink shaming is terribly wrong, then we literally cannot criticize anything ever, bc everything is “kinky” (a sexual turn on, a fetish) to someone somewhere. and this is an old joke, but what if your kink is kink shaming? thought we couldn’t criticize any kinks?

the reality is, almost everyone, at least those with any ethical discernment kink shames *something.* if they couldn’t find *anything* that was shrouded in “omg hot sexy stuff” objectionable, i’d honestly be scared of them, and would hope at least that victimized people would have to deal with them.

what about all sorts of dangerous things that are eroticized? i’m thinking specifically about purposely seeking out hiv (mostly men), unprotected pia, knowingly exposing another to a significant risk of contracting hiv (also men; women simply don’t pose the same risk both re “sexual” fluids other than blood and how it is contracted sexually, receptive pia being the highest risk, followed by receptive piv). re: you can talk about choking, being choked, say vaguely that you should do it safely, but not talk about WHY it’s dangerous, what stats are on injury and death, what can happen, etc is like saying you can talk about pia and condoms, but not hiv or other risks of injury from it. i didn’t focus on the danger/risk of pia in my initial post, but it is high, way higher than people think or want to believe. should we not be concerned with those who want to infect other people with hiv, and people who want to be infected or is that prudish, immature kink shaming? 

i’m sure there’s things you kink shame. for example, let’s examine pseudo child pornography eg a 18-19 girl pretending to be and usually looking like a naive 14 years old or younger child, with a man in his 40s while they roleplay that he’s her father/stepfather/friend’s father/uncle/coach while he “introduces” her to sex, usually violently, with a focus on men “ruining” and “spoiling” “innocence.” is that fine and dandy? is a father with teenage or preteen daughters watching this and whacking off to it fine and dandy? considering the rates at which girls are abused by their mom’s boyfriends and husbands, what if a man living with a woman and her kids whacks off to this? what if he finds himself fantasizing about her 12 year old daughter?

how about necrophilia? what if a man can only get hard, turned on, come if the woman he’s with *pretends to be dead*? what if he strangles a woman “consensually” until she passes out, then either continues or starts to enter her with his penis? what if he tells women he can only be turned on if he inflicts enough violence on her that he could have killed her?

a few years ago, there was an rcmp cop in canada, jim brown, who was found to have a “kink” for the kidnapping, torture (including bondage and use of knives)  and murder of women. he had porn of it, he looked for women to roleplay it, he posted porn he had made online, etc. one news story describes it thusly: “progresses from an apparent street scene of a woman walking past Brown sitting on a wall; he overpowers her; he hog-ties her, and he imprisons her in a cage.In one image, Mulgrew notes, Brown appears to be wearing only his regulation-issue Mountie boots and is aroused carrying a huge knife while the naked woman cringes in terror.” he also worked tangentially on the robert pickton case (a serial killer who murdered dozens of women, mostly indigenous and mostly in prostitution). was he a man who should work on such a case? should he be a cop hearing women’s stories of male sexualized violence? should he be looking at photographic and other evidence of rape, torture, kidnapping?

to get more obviously back on topic, strangulation is the third leading cause of male-induced/violent death for women, second only to murder with knives and guns. strangulation is the second biggest red flag for lethal male violence, second only to him threatening you with death. imagine if we eroticized other leading causes of death for other groups of people: shooting someone during sex, stabbing them in the torso, etc. carefully and safely, of course. how about complications during pregnancy and birth in teen girls? that’s the number one killer of girls 15-19 worldwide. why not turn that into something sexy too? car accidents are also a common cause of death. let’s sex that up too. heart disease and cancer are big killers too. lets look at the leading cause of violent death for young black men: homicide. for black boys, it’s unintentional injury. why not eroticize what leads to their deaths too?

interestingly, the “rough sex gone wrong” defense came to the public’s attention in another strangulation murder case https://www.nytimes.com/2018/05/08/nyregion/consent-sexual-assault-rough-sex.html

and here’s a recent case, a rare one in that the man seems genuine in his remorse because he quickly confessed, of a young man strangling a young woman to death in seconds. she also had an interest in it and sought it out. she died anyway. https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-5492075/Killer-strangled-woman-death-sex.html “the pair had a ‘shared interest’ in ‘erotic asphyxiation’ …Chloe had died in 'seconds’ after he had seized her neck during sex.”

the ads i linked to featuring men strangling women: what do you think of those? how do you feel about how it’s portrayed in pornography? is opposing those kink shaming too, because lots of people, esp men, get off on it, and the men who make that porn generally want to make such pornography and usually have a lot of hatred for women. same with those who make the ads. they find it arousing.

it boggles my mind on how things that people would get raked over the coals for if they presented as humorous, gets a free pass because some guy somewhere gets an erection from it. like that rcmp cop? can you imagine if he was telling jokes like that in a comedy club? what the same people who defended him would be saying instead? but seek out vulnerable women when you’re a white male police officer, “roleplay” with them, make porn of it n post it online n you’re the bdsm martyr of the year, cruelly punished for your private life by prudish busybodies who need to mind their own business and keep their noses out of people’s bedrooms. there’s that public vs private divide. anything sexual is private, even when public, and you cannot criticize the private. rape jokes are bad, terrible, trivialize rape and sexual trauma and misogyny, but rape play is hot as fuck. you can humor shame and speech shame but don’t dare kink shame.

now onto why i referenced anal stimulation and entry, inc pia. i did so precisely bc most females experience of it with males is rape, painful, unwanted, etc. the more it happens, the more likely it is to be rape. the increase in college age people engaging in pia is treated like a big catcally joke and proof of sexual liberation and how awesome porn is and how it’s hot sex, but it is almost universally rape for young women and girls. strangulation and choking of women is seen similarly, and women and girls are expected to eroticize, engage in, and tolerate both. i brought it up precisely bc i like anal stimulation (as outlined in that post, excluding pia) but recognize that it is profoundly harmful in how it is practiced especially for girls growing up and young women, as well as women generally. if i was glib with anal entry of women (with a penis or something smaller) in my fic or posting about what i want to do with b, i’d want people to pull me up on it. it would be contributing to this coercive, painful sexual environment women and girls are in where they don’t want it and find it painful even though they are told they should, sex should be painful for women, women are a collection of openings for male use, etc. i purposely reign myself in and keep it to myself most of the time because of this.

you cannot read panic fic, surf tumblr, etc without certain “kinks” namely strangulation (and to a lesser extent choking), and daddy kink and dd/lg smacking you in the face. similarly, if i smacked someone in the face with how i depicted anal entry of women with men, i’d hope they’d rebel against it, tell me about it, etc. by all means, kink shame away. someone engaging critically with what i post doesn’t make me fucking melt or shivel up, literally or figuratively, and if you (general you, including me) post something publicly, we can expect reaction to it, esp if it’s not a direct confrontation but a “i’ve noticed this happening on tumblr/in fic/etc…” i’d say letting undue critique roll off one’s back, or engaging back n forth as two people wish to, is growing up. and hon, i’ve felt like a freak sexually, but not for that interestingly, but for my interest in tribadism and outercourse. not severely, but it was and sometimes still is there. 

#strangulation

[citkats]

Love, Victor and it's problems

Hello! First post here! I know this isn't a movie, instead of a show, but I feel like I have a few things I have the urge to spill out, so here it goes.

I've watched both seasons of Love, Victor and finished the second one the day it came out, June 11. It's now June, 26 and I've let a few thoughts and problems I've had about the show sit in my brain for a while now but they're starting to get antsy. Is the show really that serious to pick it apart and point out its flaws? No, it's supposed to be a cute little show about a boy exploring his sexuality, and I know that. But man I can't help myself, what else am I suppose to do this summer anyway? So, that being said, let's get started!

Actually, before I start I just wanted to get out of the way that I am a queer girl myself, who is also a teenager, so that is the type of viewpoint I am watching this show through. Do with that what you will :D Now we can get started, here are the three main problems I had with the show;

i. The Writing

The writing of this show is... something else to say the least. It has its good moments for sure, but man is it hard to get through an episode without cringing once or twice. Now I am no writer myself, so I can't judge too hard, but I wish the show didn't try to fit in so many pop culture references and twitter lingo to try and appeal to teens. It's so obvious while watching that the writers themselves only have a vague idea on how to use it. There is a scene of the show that is going around on twitter, instagram and tiktok where a character says something along the lines of "We stan you!" and "We're all gay AF!" (link below for the whole video).

.... like... what? My god my body collapsed in on itself when I heard that. I think the writers maybe tried to make the line of "We're gay AF" as a cringy joke to show how oblivious the character was, but the line "We will forever stan you" shows how oblivious the writers are to the use of the word "stan", or at least that's how it came off the way the actor said it. The line is said with no implication that it's supposed to be cringy or something to laugh at. I don't know if the writers were aware at the time that this is something teenagers do not say about or to their friends unless they purposely want to sound out of touch. Someone in the replies even said "In real life that won't happen ever" and they're correct. This is just one instance where the writing feels shaky but there are many more sprinkled throughout the show. This probably is super nitpicky but it's just so prevalent in the show that I felt that I had to write about it.

ii. The Love Interests

Now on to another problem, The characters of Rahim & Benji. Let's start off with Benji. He serves as the love interest for the main character Victor, which is fine! It's great! Except it isn't because that's all Benji is... a love interest. He barely has any personality and the only three things I know about him are that he is gay, is in a band, and is a recovering alcoholic. With those three things, there is so much to do with his character. They mention in the show that his dad wasn't too happy when he came out, and brought him to a strip club in order to make him "straight". I thought maybe the show would show how his relationship with his dad has been damaged and how they're slowly trying to repair it, or maybe Benji doesn't want to forgive his dad and all! But no, the restaurant scene comes and everything seems fine like something as traumatic as your own father refusing to accept your sexuality and trying to convince you to be someone else never happened. If you're going to make your character go through something like that, it would be good to show its consequences, not to sweep it under the rug! In the first half of the season, if I remember correctly, we see almost every character in a different location doing their own storyline, except Benji, who only exists at school and in the coffee shop to show that he's Victor's boyfriend. I don't think there's a single scene where it's just Benji alone doing something that doesn't involve Victor. It isn't until the later episodes where he gets his own plotline, one that revolves around him being a recovering alcoholic and being 1 year sober. Now don't even get me started on this... the fact they waited a whole season and a half to get to this huge revelation?? This is a big part of Benji that he kept secret and they could do so much with it, but it ends up being just a plot device so that Victor can break up with him and end the season on a cliffhanger. It seems like every one of Benji's plot points is to benefit Victor in some way (all except for the band, but they also never expand on that either so :/). The other couples, for example, Lake & Felix, have their own problems and stuff they're going through, not just things to benefit their love interest story. I get that Victor is the main character, but if this show is about him discovering his sexuality, should his love interest be a huge part of that? Shouldn't there be more focused on his love interest rather on his best friend? I don't know that's just how I view it.

Rahim is Victor's second love interest who is introduced halfway through the second season in the episode called Sincerely Rahim. He, like Benji, the only purpose of his character is to serve as a love interest for Victor and create a love triangle that can end season 2 on a cliffhanger, just like season 1 did. The show cared even less about Rahim than they cared about Benji since they didn't even bother to show his coming-out scene. It sucks because he comes from a Muslim family and that coming out scene could've been really meaningful, for once showing a Muslim family being accepting of a gay son instead of shunning them, which is how the media normally portrays Muslim families.

iii. The couple bias

Probably my biggest problem with this show is the clear bias to the straight couples compared to the main gay couple of the show. Like I said before, Benji being a shell of a character compared to everyone else, I don't think that's a coincidence. I am aware that there was at least one gay writer on the team, but they didn't seem to make up the majority. It's obvious the writers felt more comfortable writing straight characters and couples (eg, Victor and Mia as a couple for the majority of season one) which is fine, but if you're writing a show with a gay couple in it then get gay writers who will actually understand and have an easier more natural approach to them. This is why I think diversity in the writer's room is just as important as diversity on screen. You can put a gay character in your show but if they're written by a straight person it's not going to feel authentic and can easily fall into stereotypes. But that's a conversation for another time.

Some other small problems I had but weren't worth a whole section

-The lack of sapphic women. I think they might start a wlw plotline the next season with Lake but man.. took them two seasons in a show that's suppose to be a representation to even hint at a sapphic relationship.

-Benji's timeline for his alcoholism... if he's 16 now (junior) and been sober for a year... that means he entered rehab when he was 15... which means he's been drinking heavily since he was like 14, so much so they had to put him in rehab?? Are his parents really that neglectful? This why I am so confused about his parents because what his dad did to him was awful and yet when they show Benji's parents, his mother seems to adore him and they are both extremely welcoming to Victor. The only reason I see why he would start drinking at such a young age is that he felt bad because of his sexuality... but man, at 14 do you even understand what's going on enough to be like "this is bad I should drown my sorrows in booze".... idk such a strange timeline.

-They didn't keep up Rahim's texts to Victor, it was one and done. I get that it was supposed to be like continuity with what Simon did to Bram and then what Victor did to Simon but it felt so forced that I wish they didn't do it at all. Felt like they just left it hanging there.... ok I will admit it is really nitpicky and I'll stop now I promise!

So... that's it! I know this can come off as annoying or I'm giving huge pessimist vibes because of this but I swear me having long rants about how I feel about a show's problems is rare. Normally I like deconstructing the parts I did like rather than the parts I didn't. I do think this show is cute and serves its purpose of entertaining, and I don't hold anything against someone who enjoys it! I can easily see this being someone's comfort show, and that's completely fine. I also realize that I did dig into the writers quite a lot here, so I just want to make it clear that in no way am I questioning their talent (one is a new york times bestseller and two others have been nominated for Emmys). Hopefully, my posts in the future will be more positive but for now, I hope this deconstruction was decent!