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beautifuldarkmind · 3 years

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tw // s*lf harm, su*cidal ideation (sorry)

Hey, it’s the creepy NHS anon here.

Thank you for responding to my ask! I’m sorry you had such a rough time getting a diagnosis. You shouldn’t have had to go through all of that. Honestly it sucks that the NHS is so reluctant to diagnose anything mental health related.

When I was 14 I thought I had depression and anxiety. I finally convinced my mum to take me to the doctors when I was 16. The doctor was super nice. She tested my thyroid function just to make sure nothing else was causing my feelings, then referred me to CAMHS. That was…an interesting experience. I remember asking my counsellor to diagnose me, but then at the next session she said she couldn’t, that it “wouldn’t be helpful” because I was still growing. Now that I think about it, one of the days I was at school and during a class I was furious for some reason. I even said to a classmate that I was willing to fight anyone who got in my way. Despite my mum disagreeing with me, I cancelled my appointment that day. (My mum was worried they’d stop my sessions all together if I cancelled, but they didn’t.)

Fast toward to recent years and I’ve been on and off attempting to get a diagnosis. Last year (so when I was about 18) I asked to be referred to the autism clinic, and thankfully the GP accepted, but the clinic is still closed and even when it’s open I’ll still have to wait, possibly several years. Then I made another appointment (different GP) to be referred to a psychiatrist. She refused, saying that GPs are trained to deal with mental health issues. I brought up OCD, so she asked where I got my information from. When I told her I researched it online, she just brushed it off and then did the typical depression/anxiety test and she said both were severe, then said “take some drugs” (which is didn’t because I didn’t trust taking drugs prescribed by someone who did a 3 minute yes/no type quiz without actually fully exploring my issues).

I spoke to a different GP just over a month ago to get a fit note for my Universal Credit. It was supposed to just be to make adjustments to what I was supposed to do, but he didn’t ask what the note was for, so he marked unfit for work. Which is great because that’s secretly what I wanted but feared being judged by people around me for thinking I needed that (particularly my parents). I mentioned that I thought I could have OCD and CPTSD, and he didn’t deny it but he simply said CBT helps for both. He then asked if I was currently doing CBT and I said I’d done it before but I quit. (That’s a whole other story but tldr I really don’t think it was for me, or at least the “therapist” wasn’t.) He said he would send a self referral link.

Fast forward to a few days ago and I had another appointment with him to discuss my fit note (because it only lasts for a month and you have to go back to renew it, which sucks). He asked if I had referred myself to CBT and I said I hadn’t yet because I didn’t want to, and he said “please do that for me” in a somewhat stern voice. I then brought up BPD and I think he said he would refer me? Honestly I was a bit overwhelmed because he called 40 mins early and I was in the car with my dad, so I was super weary of him asking questions about what I was saying to the doctor (but he didn’t). He then brought up PD support groups, which I’m considering doing, but you have to call up the place and I literally hate phone calls. Oh, speaking of which, all the appointments from the autism one onwards were all on the phone, so not only was I struggling to process what they were saying to me most of the time, but I was also so anxious that I couldn’t articulate my feelings properly. :)

Anyways, I am 20 now, which I only mention because I feel the same as what you mentioned. My brother is married, my childhood crush is married, my friend who I introduced to my friend group who then proceeded to discard me is getting married. Everyone seems to know exactly what they’re doing. They all have friends. But not me. I haven’t had friends since I was 14, and even then I don’t think that friend group was entirely wholesome. They made me feel like an outcast, like I was weird, that I needed to be more like them and not be like me. Which has probably contributed to me having a very vague sense of identity. And I feel like I’m still 14 and yet everyone is expecting me to behave like an adult. I’m supposed to know what I’m doing with my life even tho I literally cried in the shop when I was pressured to choose between 2 pizzas.

I have no support system. My own parents seem very dismissive of my problems, equating everything to social anxiety. When I’m stressed out of mind to the point of feeling suicidal, my parents say “that’s just life”, which…well, feeds into the feelings. For years I’ve felt stressed. Then if I’m not stressed I feel absolutely nothing. And if I’m not feeling empty I am angry, sometimes for no reason. And if I’m not angry, I am curled in a ball trying to bottle up the urge to self harm and batting away suicidal thoughts.

It’s like I have a huge chain pulling me down underwater and everyone else is in the beach drinking cocktails or something. Sometimes I thrash and try to get people to notice, but people think I’m just having fun. Other days I just feel like letting the chain pull me down.

Please forgive me for rambling and probably not having a very consistent train of thought in this post. I have a tendency to blab on about my “problems” (if they even are that), I guess as a way to connect? Idk. This post makes no sense.

I hope you’re having a good day. <3

- 🌸✨ (in case I send another ask again, but I’ll try not to because I don’t wanna bother you)

So sorry you're going through something similar. My GP sounded exactly how yours was, the typical anxiety/depression test and then just throwing those at you.. they dont seem to be trained in diagnosing and they dont want to hear anything more either. It's honestly almost impossible getting a diagnosis through them, the system here is really messed up... its just disappointing and seems to be failing so many people including you.

It does sound like you're going through a hard time, it's not nice especially when you feel a loss of self identity, you dont even know who you are and just feel lost in life. I think that was definitely the main point of realising something was up.. I had a VERY distorted view of myself and others around me and that was why I'd often self sabotage everything and then I'd feel so empty and angry at the world and just explode...

If you can go privately then do so, therapists are not able to diagnose and they will usually tell you 'we don't like to label' but even without a diagnosis you can still see if you can access DBT therapy. Amazon also has lots of DBT workbooks that I've used and its helped me to really understand myself!

If you often feel invalidated by your parents then that is known to cause BPD or borderline traits, especially if you've been suffering with mental illness in childhood and they tried to claim that it was nothing....you mentioned anxiety and I was told the approach my parents may have took to my severe anxiety is what brought on many of my symptoms of BPD. You start to feel ashamed of yourself for feeling that way because your caregivers make it seem like the issue isnt important and you feel as if your feelings dont matter also because that is how you have been made to feel.

I'm not saying this is definitely the cause but in my case I was told that the constant feeling of invalidation may be why I have such a warped idea of myself and why I cannot regulate my emotions. I was never told HOW to regulate or shown how to, just told to ignore my emotions and now I dont know how to deal with them😀

but yeah I'd really recommend taking a look at some of those dbt books online or reading more into it so you have a better understanding of yourself. You've already taken the first step and that's identifying that something may be wrong so you are self aware and clearly want to change for the better 💕

I hope everything works out for you, it's not nice feeling this way but you've got this 🥺🙌

#ask #bpd #borderline personality disorder #tw

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

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Survey #400

“it’s an age-old story: the first will be last, and the last will be kings / the small will be great, and the great will be weak”

Who was the last person you sincerely thanked? My mom; I thank her every time she cooks for me/us, and I really do mean it. What’s the longest you’ve ever stayed as a guest at someone’s house? Somewhere around a month. What was the last thing to really surprise you? My brother has a fiancee and is having another son! :') Have you ever found out that you have been sleep walking? No. Have you ever tried making something from one of those short cooking videos? How did it turn out? No. Have you ever written a review for a product you bought online? No. What was the last thing you had the urge to do? Idk about anything notable. Is there anyone you feel that takes you for granted? No. What is the last thing you had a craving for? A donut. Do you ever read the comments on social media posts? Sometimes. What was the last thing you felt like you wasted money on? It's so rare that I buy things with my own cash that I really don't know. What was the last thing you wanted to buy, but couldn’t afford? Venus' terrarium on my own. Mom has to help me with buying it. What is a recipe you’d like to try to make for yourself? I don’t cook, so. What goes through your mind when you look back at old photographs of yourself? More than anything, I get sad over how much weight I've gained. I was so healthy once upon a time. It also just makes me miss my childhood. What was the subject matter of the last email you sent? I believe it was about setting up an appointment with my therapist. How do you get your news? Facebook articles, really. What do you think about lizards? I love them! I was that kid that always tried to catch them when I saw 'em. Now I just observe because I don't want to terrify them by trying to pick them up. Have you ever done consumer testing (testing products before they come out on the market)? If not, would you ever want to? No, but sure, I'd do it. Have you ever received anesthesia or morphine? Both. The time I received morphine, it did jack-all for me. If you had to choose which video game to be in, which would it be? Hmmm... I would say Azeroth from World of Warcraft, but too much shit goes down, ha ha. Perhaps the top of the temple in Shadow of the Colossus? So long as I could have someone I love with me, I'd be in Heaven. Although... I doubt there's WiFi there, so I might drop that answer, lmfao. I really don't know. Between the two, would you rather live in a place where it’s only night or where it’s only day? Day. I need the natural light of day sometimes, and if I wanted to sleep, I could just find shade. If you had to be an actor/actress in a movie, what genre of the movie would you be best at? Fantasy. Out of fire, earth, water, wind, light, and dark, which element appeals the most to you? Dark. What’s one thing that you wish was real? Friendly dragons, haha. Is there anything (show, comedian, etc.) that you constantly quote or make references to? No. What’s your favorite Disney Channel movie? I have absolutely no idea. I don't even remember almost any of them. What’s your favorite holiday? Christmas. Do you ever have to do yard work? No. Do you have any live versions of songs in your music software? Yes. Did/do you listen to Britney Spears songs? Yeah, sometimes. I genuinely don't mind her. Do you still make Christmas lists? Yeah, because I'm asked to. Do you watch the show Dexter? Never seen it. Which musical instrument do you think sounds the prettiest? I'm torn between the violin, harp, and piano. Is your mom or dad the older parent? Mom, by a year. Do you and your parents like any of the same bands/singers? A lot, actually. Is there any food in your bedroom? What? I have these tictacs I keep in my purse in case of a dry mouth. Medication makes me have that severely, and my psychiatrist recommended me to always have a hard candy available to suck on since it forces salivation. Do you know anyone who has road rage? Who? My younger sister, badly. How far away do your grandparents live from you? They're all dead, but they lived in far away states. Do you know anyone who wants to be the president one day? No. What kinds of chips are in the cupboards? None. It's a bad idea to keep chips in this house, haha. Do you have your mom's or dad's hair? Well, I was born with dirty blonde hair like my dad, but my hair is thick and more similar in color now to my mom's before the cancer completely drained the color. If you were going out with your celebrity crush, what would you wear? OH MY GOD LA;KSDJFAKLWJE I DON'T KNOW I LOOK AWFUL IN EVERYTHING. Have you ever cried when a teacher retired? Teared up, yes, multiple times. Do you swear and yell while playing video games? I might swear under my breath, but that's the extent of it. If you were adopted, would you want to know? At this point in my life, I don't really know. I kinda find myself leaning towards no. Has a best friend ever ditched you for a girlfriend/boyfriend? Pretty much. Do your pets chase after bugs? Roman sure does. When’s the last time you were so excited you couldn’t sleep? Why? I want to say that was the night before I was getting my tattoo redone. Do you own any flip-flops? Yeah, considering they're like... all I wear, ever. Did you ever really believe that the stork brought babies? I don't believe so, no. Have you ever had a dream about sleeping with a celebrity? (You don’t have to give details.) It was the only lucid dream I've ever had and I'm not complaining about it lmao. Have you ever had a dream that upset you or made you cry? Oh I'm sure. Has anyone ever told you that they needed you? Do you think they meant it? Not to my recollection, no, and I don't believe you should ever adopt that mentality and say that to someone. Do you own a laser? No. Is there anything you like to put on a sandwich, that some might find odd? Nah. I do enjoy a layer of potato chips on some sandwiches, like ham and cheese, but I know that's like an actual thing some people just like. What colour are the shoes you wear most often? They're black flip-flops. When was the last time you were required to put on a mask? In the morning when I go to the TMS office. And what colour was the last mask you wore? It's one of those normal blue and white medical ones. The last time you were in a queue, what were you waiting for? To see the woman who would give me my APAP mask. Have you had your Covid vaccine yet? Which one, if you have? Yes, Moderna. If you've had your vaccine, did you experience any side effects? None for the first shot, but my second shot bruised badly and I felt seriously shitty the following day. I was perfectly fine afterwards, though. Can any of your friends sing well? Which one has the nicest singing voice? Sara has an AMAAAAAAAAAAAZING voice. When was the last time you wore make-up, if ever? What shades/colours? I don't even remember, but I'm sure it would've been black. What is something that seems popular, but doesn't interest you personally? Fashion, various TV shows, etc... Are you clumsy or graceful? I am STUPID clumsy. Like it's just ridiculous. Do you like gloves? I like fingerless gloves. Does your sibling(s) have braces? My older sister did as a kid. Do you ever say "OMG" in person? No; it's a random pet peeve of mine, "Internet talk" irl. What was the last thing your parents got mad at you for? Dad, no idea. Mom, uhhhh. Not "mad," but "annoyed" probably better fits how she felt about me leaving the heating pad I use for my cramps on the floor. Do your pets have favorites? I'm definitely Roman's favorite seeing as he is my literal shadow, and I'd assume Venus trusts me more than anyone else, but realistically, she's in contact with almost no one else, so. Who was your first boyfriend/girlfriend? Why did you break up? The first guy to have the title of "boyfriend" was Aaron, and I broke up with him 'cuz I just wasn't as romantically into him as I thought I might be. It was puppy-dog love, and I feel I knew that. My first *real* boyfriend was Jason, who broke up with me because my mental illnesses began to affect his wellbeing. Which I now accept is fine, but he seriously coulda gone about things differently... When was the last time you got a new bed? Is your bed comfy? Late into my teenage years; idk the exact age and don't feel like doing the math. Teddy kept peeing on the bed to where it was just unrecoverable and needed to be thrown away. My current bed is comfy enough. What kind of games did you play on the playground when you were younger? My absolute favorite was digging tunnels in the sandbox, pretending to be a meerkat. The only trend I ever created, haha, seeing as my classmates got into it with me, allowing us to make huge tunnel systems. It was really cool. I also liked playing 4 Square (which I now don't even remember the details of) on the basketball court. Do you remember the first time you ever drove a car? Who were you with? Yeah, my driver's ed instructor and the guy who was on the same route as me. What’s your favorite thing to do when drunk? Would you do this sober? N/A Are you a fan of dogs? Do you have any as pets? I'm picky with dogs. I like interacting with any dog, but I don't plan on ever owning another. I don't like how hyper they can be, and I prefer more independent pets, like cats. Basically, I'll be hyped to meet a random dog on the street and give it some loving, but I don't want to take it home to be my own. Are you an elitist (even a little bit) when it comes to anything? What? No. I cannot stand elitists. Is just being fond of something enough, or does it take more than that to be a ‘real fan’? And I hate gatekeeping in fandoms even more. There are varying intensities of "being a fan," but regardless, if you like something, congratulations, you're a valid, "real" fan. What type of fabric is most comfortable for clothing? I don't pay attention to this, honestly. If you wear one – bras with or without a wire? I'll wear either, but without is way more comfortable. If you wear one – are you able to find cute bras in your size? God no. What length do you like your shorts to be? I don’t wear shorts. What was the last disappointing movie you saw? Warcraft, but not because it was bad. I've talked before how in the theater, the orcs' voices were just so fucking baritone that I couldn't understand almost ANYTHING they said. Kinda ruined the experience for me. What was the last disappointing book you read? Don't recall. Do you ever watch compilation videos? Of what? Very rarely. If I do, they're mostly of animals being silly. Favorite Disney character who isn’t royalty? Probably Dory, but idk. There's WAY too many options to fish through.

#survey #surveys #random questions #lyrics: ''this is the kingdom'' by skillet

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lostpoliticians · 4 years

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oh and when I went to see my doctor the other day thinking he would give me idk gabbapentin or SOMETHING that will actually help my anxiety. Wrote I saw my psychiatrist this coming week this mf doctor prescribed me multiple antidepressants....

Antidepressants I’ve tried to off myself on multiple times, also, mind you, I am not depressed. I am full of so much anxiety and rage that it just makes me have crying spells and manic episodes. I need a fucking IV of Valium or something. Not really bc that’s not going to do me any good but like I miss the old me from like six months ago when I would just work all the time and just be exhausted from work. But I felt so fulfilled. And I feel somewhat better now that I’ve been back to work the last two weeks but also, dear god I’ve never experienced my anxiety so bad that my skin dead ass crawls. And I get to violent. It is so scary and explosive.

My boyfriend and I celebrated our one year anniversary early last week and it was perfect, he is perfect, he fight but it’s bc of my goddamn mood swings and we got in an argument bc he couldn’t understand how empathetic I could be towards strangers (not saying he’s not, he just was raised from a very good up bringing where he didn’t have to think about helping a classmate pay for their lunch or trip to cedar point). But anyways, since we’ve been together for over a year now my open mindedness and loud ass mouth that never stops running have deff converted some of his prejudice or close minded views on things which is AWESOME. We Stan a man that can grow and allow his girl to educate him on real world issues, bc he lives under a rock. He grew up with a lot of money, (ok more than me), and had a great home life. Besides of horrible choices he made on his own but he’s clean now and better.

ANYWAYS!!!! So my sisters best friend just passed and I’ve been distraught bc yes as cliche as it fucking sounds I am very much an empath. So, I feel the loss my sister is carrying in her heart when it comes to dealing with the loss of her soul sister. So anyways In the midst of my boyfriend and I having this conversation about my sister’s friend’s passing and how unfair it is that she was so young and so healthy and so lively and everybody loved her...and now she’s just gone. Alex did understand why I was sobbing for my sisters best friend loss but my sister was stone cold about it. That’s just how she is around people but behind close doors she breaks down. So, when I don’t feel heard or understood properly (ok I’m realizing now I have hella anger issues) I result to violence. And I don’t mean like throwing a remote across the room, I’m talking, I grabbed the bunch of beautifully trimmed sunflowers Alex bought me for our one year anniversary (which no many has ever never bought me my favorite flowers before) and I ripped them in half and started screaming and I threw the vase. And I was just throwing shit and hitting myself all over and in the face and yes I gave myself a black eye.

I have never ever ever been through this much fucking stress and sadness before in my entire life. I feel so batshit insane and I know I’m not, I know I’m not alone but the older I get the weak my mental health get and I know a lot more mental illnesses are more prominente once you hit your mid to late 20’s and guess what....I turn 25 next week....and these last two years I have felt so many highs n lows but have just played them off bc typically I can get myself back on track. But these mood swings I’ve been having bc of my anxiety lately. Sorry this is just a manic ass sleepless post...I’m waiting for my Xanax to kick in so I can finally lay my head down and rest. But I don’t even think the amount of green hulks I have currently could knock me out right now.

I can’t wait to see my psych doctor Tuesday. I hope he knows I’m getting more than an hour with him. Idgaf if I have to pay an extra $300 out of pocket for an extra two hours. Like, let’s go babe, let’s figure out wtf we can do to fix my mental

Oh AND I got my obgyn procedure results back and they came back perfect no signs of infection with cancer and stuff then I get a whole call again from their office like not even an hour later telling me m doctor reviewed my file in more detail and that pretty much I should be worried and I need to come back in ASAP to get another procedure done. Like, just take all my lady bits out so I can stop worrying about getting cancer bc it’s genetic. Like, Alex and I will adopt a black baby or soemthing just fucking end my shit so I can finally enjoy sex again and not have to go to the obgyn once a month get my cervix scrapped to test for cancerous cells.

I’m so sorry if any of you read all of this. And if you did, you a real one, and please message me bc I am so lonely and I could use someone that can relate to even a FRACTION of what I’m dealing with. Please.

And how fucked is it that my current regular doctor couldn’t even prescribe me server anxiety meds for the two weeks from then to my actual psych appointment a week away? And I had to go to the streets and buy Xanax just so I could fucking sleep dude like. This is backwards. And I’ve had such an issue with Xanax in the past but it is the only thing that calms me down when I start seeing red bc my anxiety makes me turn emotions into rage. It’s so exhausting.

#personal #me

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neirawrites · 5 years

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History of Jord

Lesson one: Prion diseases or “On cows, kissing and video games”

Narrated by doctor Liang Unnati

About the project

Looking back at modern Jordish history, the twenties were the first golden age, unmatched by anything but the contemporary times. With the economy in full bloom, people were truly unified for the first time since the planet state of Jord was founded two decades prior. The astronauts we sent on the moon came back this time. Even the cinema went through a renaissance and graced us with beloved classics we know and love to this day.

And then came the thirties.

VI6780921O. That was the identification number of the patient zero. It began with her; A simple cow from the Vikia Svaidi that died long before she could see her legacy.

Prions; Mad cow disease. That’s how you Elasi call them. On Jord, our public named it Gnjilainge, Rotten brain. A slow killer, but one that never misses their mark. Nervousness, aggressive behavior, difficulty with coordination, trouble standing up, the first symptoms of the Demon Cattle disease. In humans, it’s about 50 years, depending on the strain. But once they begin, it's only the matter of time before they claim a life.

In a span of a few years, it killed millions. But, unlike other diseases like small pox and polio, we never found a way to stop it. It will continue to rain destruction for generations to come.

These prions were different than the ones on Elas. The pandemic still goes on to this day. Something in our genes changed. If your parents or grandparents had it, you’re more likely to get it yourself. You have something similar. Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease. But, what’s one in a million occurrence there affects more than one in three hundred here. We all know someone who has died or will die from it. And it’s not a matter of if. They will die. A slow and painful death unless something else kills them first. Seven decades later, doctors are yet to find a cure.

The world was never the same after that initial impact.

Beef and dairy are almost non existent. Countless amazing traditional dishes have been lost to history. Some Svaidi found a way to prosper. The Toqui of the South America kept to their traditional breeding practices of free range cattle, and haven’t had a single case. They still have beef stakes and even milk. In the recent years the people of the Xinabei and Illyria Svaidi of Eurasia have made an attempt to return to their roots.

In order to prevent anything like this from ever happening again, the food safety standards turned draconian. The increase in automation in food production lead to loss of jobs, one of the main causes of the great depression of the 60's and early 70's. But more on that some other time.

Kissing in the public is a taboo. For a short while, the idea prions were in the saliva was of the leading theories, due to a mixed up results with a similarly timed, but much less lethal mononucleosis outbreak. We now know that’s not true, but fear is too powerful to be cured by mere facts.

Most hope comes, as it so often does, from science.

First came the artificial blood substitutes, to prevent the further spread of the invention. And after that, the 3D printed or cloned organs. With the rise of medical nanotechnology, maybe one day, we will be able to do more, but if that doesn’t work out, we have the real future ahead of us:

Paainge pills and NiM, Nao i Metek, our first mechanical and artificial intelligence.They are my legacy. One day we will be able to scan the people’s minds safely and upload them anywhere we want, a perfect replica, so no matter what happens to their actual brains, they can live on. We have done it seven times already, but out those individuals, four lost their lives and now only live as a part of NiM.

Among those who survived is Hektor H. Hisek who, in the year 101, used his scan to create Yaloon: Rebuilds, one of the most bellowed and well regarded video games in the world. It just goes to show that even in the worst of times, art and human ingenuity will still find a way to prosper.

For me, it was of vital importance people of Elas learn about this aspect of our reality. Not only to prepare for the possibility of contamination and infection, but to see us for what we truly are: human. We made one mistake after another and we are paying for them decades later. But, that’s ok. You have made mistakes too. If we work together, maybe, one day, we will find a way to solve them.

Doctor Liang Unnati was born in the year 70 and is currently 35 years old. He is an acclaimed psychiatrists behind some of the most influential project in the modern science, including EchoLive gaming system, Paainge pills and NiM. He engaged to doctor and angakkuq Zeta Qualis, one of the five members of the Isokan crew.

************

So this is a new thing i'm trying out. When Jords sent Isokan crew to Earth, they had written a lot of these small articles explaining parts of their culture and history, intended for Elasi public. The main one (at lest the version Dafne Everson tried to get published) is the infodump first chapter of the first book. I might do a few others, maybe their first trip to the moon, or NiM(even tho they are a minefield of spoilers) or even drunk history where Nova Jelani talks about her favorite princesses and queens from the past. or anything else you wanna know more about.

Idk, this was fun to write and i get to work on character’s voices more. Liang

Btw: Liang is hotter than you, no matter who you are. And Hektor H. Hisek is a trans man who has his own short spin off story and I just really like him, even tho he’s mentioned only by name in the main wips.

Svaidi mean region. Paainge means big brain and every scientist who worked on them absolutely hates the name.

I’m tagging @katekyo-bitch-reborn. They expressed desire to let me infodump. and also @froggyphevoli because i know how much they like world building (they have my word building bible, they know most of this)

#writing #writeblr #my writing #worldbuilding #sci fi #oc #wip into #wip introduction #i'm sad again tonight #maybe gym tomorrow will fi it #a better world

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bakugo-th · 3 years

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I know my blog is only going to be filled with kakagai stuff for the next couple of weeks but I wanna vent a little so just bare with me lol

I want to go to college. but I also know I would fail and/or get suicidal again because my adhd brain is not made for this world. I am smart and it took me a while before I was able to actually say that out loud to myself because of all of the self deprecating jokes I would make about myself. just because I am late or forget to do very important things doesn’t make me dumb, it just shows that I have a disorder and I need help.

I would like to get into the medical field but I am worried that I would show up late to that job and if I were to be a surgical tech, that could cost someone’s life. I also want to take a few English courses to become more articulate with my speaking and writing. I feel like college will also introduce me to new friends but I am 22 and I don’t really feel comfortable around 18 year olds.

I know it’s not too late for me to get an education but I am also worried about the debt I would acquire from college as well, especially med school. My mother offered to help pay for some of it but I am worried about my lack of motivation from my adhd making me drop out and wasting not only my money but also my parents. I know I am privileged to have parents help support me with college but I wish they would help pay for, idk, a freaking psychiatrist so I could get meds to help with my time blindness and lack of motivation to do literally anything.

I am an INTP so I know I have a great potential to do a lot of things and having adhd automatically makes me a jack of all trades, I also have a hard time deciding between being a tattoo artist, convention artist, and a surgical technician. I am currently a line cook at family owned restaurant and I love the family I work for. I could see myself staying at this job for a while because I actually can talk with owner face to face and voice my concerns with her. She treats us well but we are under staffed so we are all working 50 hour work weeks (my poor chefs are working +65) so it is hard to stay motivated when I am only getting 5 hours of sleep a night. ughhhhh I am just stressed because I need the money but I need to fulfill my dopamine rushes to keep my brain happy which makes me happy. I haven’t had a “must clean my entire room” rush in over two months and I rely on it to keep my apartment clean and to keep my distressed at home but with me not really knowing how to handle my mental issues on my own, I need a professional’s help. I had a therapist and she is great but I also feel like I don't need to see her anymore? which I can already feel is a bad idea and I should go see her tomorrow.

Regardless I want to go to college but I am not because I know where I am at currently, I will fail.

#tw sucidal thoughts #shut up ry #thinking about the future #venting #adult adhd #this is a mess #you don't need to read it lol

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ilistenedin · 3 years

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1. How old were you when you first started to realize something was wrong?

Realize? Uh maybe like 11? Or 12?

1. How do your parents handle your mental health?

My father knows nothing, as far as I know. Unless my mother has told him, which I kinda doubt. Regardless, he’s never spoken to me about it. My mother tries in her own way. I feel like it comes from a place of guilt for maybe not understanding the gravity of the situation when I was younger.

1. Have you dealt with any trauma?

Dealt with it? Eh. Live with it and shove it down until it manifests into a bigger issue later? More my speed.

1. What is/are your diagnosis?

Here, let me show you my “problems” tab in my psychiatrists office app:

1. Have you ever been admitted into a psych ward? How many times? What was it like?

Yes. Once. Not fun; lots of sick old people mostly. It was during COVId so I wasn’t allowed any visitors. Watched a lot of HGTV; I now hate the property brothers.

1. Does anyone else in your family struggle with mental health?

Yes, not that they are willing to admit or talk about.

1. What are your top five coping skills?

I don’t have any. I isolate. I smoke a lot. I stop eating. I stay in bed for days. I have been known to self harm at times, but I’m getting better at that I think.

1. What are your triggers?

Idk that I have any concrete ones

1. Do you have a support system?

Yes, if only I would use it

1. Write a letter to yourself when this all started- Dear ___ year old me,

I’m not doing that

1. Write a letter to yourself ten years from now.

I’m also not doing that

1. What is/was school like for you, do you have many friends?

Elementary and most of middle school was bad. Picked on a lot. Had 1-2 friends. 8th grade forward was okay. Or maybe I just think that cause I was slutty.

1. What does an average day look like to you?

Lately, not getting out of bed till after 2pm. Tidying around my house. Going back to bed. Being with my cats. Texting with people. Scrolling thru social media. Applying for jobs.

1. Do you have a job? What is it like working with your diagnosis?

Not currently. Lost my job due to COVId lay offs. But I wasn’t doing v well while I was working. Lots of panic attacks.

1. What medications are you on? Does it seem to help? What are the bad side effects of this medication that you have dealt with?

I am off medication rn cause I can’t afford it. I was on a cocktail of stuff tho; like 2-3 anti depressants, an anti psychotic, and a stimulant or whatever for when I would have panic attacks. The bad side effects were feeling absolutely nothing, not being able to cum, muscle spasms, random numbness, twitching, and on occasion psychosis.

1. Are you in a relationship (romantically)? What is it like to be in a relationship with your disorder?

Not currently. I haven’t been in a relationship since I got diagnosed. But my last one ended because of it apparently. So I’d say it’s not great.

1. Do you have any siblings? How do they handle your mental health?

2 close ones. My sister helps me a lot in the financial way. We don’t really talk about it tho. My brother also doesn’t talk about it.

1. What are your dreams? Do you feel like it will be hard to fulfill them due to your disorder? Do you have a plan to accomplish this?

I don’t have any dreams. Might be part of the problem.

1. Write a letter to your parents.

No, thank you

1. Ask your own question.

No, thank you

#memhm #bipolar disorder

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larryrickard · 4 years

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lets get personal.

i know this is supposed to be an ask meme but i’m fucking bored & no one ever sends me them, so. also i’m kinda pissy rn unfortunately so forgive pls some of my answers lol

01: 6 of the songs you listen to most?: idk. mostly i listen to everything on random anymore, and only in my car. the only song i’ve listened to on repeat recently has been ‘stupid love’ by lady gaga. 02: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?: speaking of which, lady gaga. 03: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.: the only book near me would be all the books, as in my bookshelf. unless you count my kindle, in which case there would be no line 17 because of the font size. sorry. 04: What do you think about most?: idk. whatever my current obsession is i guess. 05: What does your latest text message from someone else say?: “And you don't have to cook it”. 06: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?: with. i don’t like being naked and don’t understand those who do. also i get cold. 07: What’s your strangest talent?: i don’t have talents. 08: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence): are soft and beautiful. meh, have to earn my trust. 09: Ever had a poem or song written about you?: a song, yes. 10: When is the last time you played the air guitar?: a very long time. it’s not a thing i ever do lol. 11: Do you have any strange phobias?: i don’t think so. my phobias are pretty standard. 12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?: when i was a kid, yeah. plenty. once my parents had to hold me down and tweeze a chewed up wad of juicy fruit out of my nose. i fucking love the smell of that gum. three year old me may have been stupid but, hey. i was being economical. also i blame it on my parents for, you know, giving a fucking toddler some gum. 13: What’s your religion?: don’t have one. former christian, which is gross. don’t indoctrinate children, please and thanks. 14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?: walking to or from my car. that’s about it. :/ 15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?: behind. no one deserves to see my face. rip to everyone who sees me in person on a regular basis. 16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?: jars of clay, jimmy eat world, the elms. 17: What was the last lie you told?: that i’m not in debt lmao. the only time i’ve lied to my psychiatrist :/ 18: Do you believe in karma?: no but sometimes i wish i did. so many people deserve their comeuppance. 19: What does your URL mean?: doesn’t really mean anything, he’s a character from the flash. 20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?: all sorts of things? and idk. 21: Who is your celebrity crush?: lady gaga, angelina jolie, carlos valdes, idk if shane madej is a ‘celebrity’ but him, brie larson, michael sheen... idk, i don’t really have “crushes” but those are the first ppl to come to mind. 22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?: nope. and no thank you. 23: How do you vent your anger?: lol. 24: Do you have a collection of anything?: funko pops? but not seriously. i mean. i have a lot of them bc i love a lot of characters and there are some pretty fuckin dope funkos. but it’s not my goal in life to have a huge collection or anything. at least i can say i have less than a hundred of them lol. (less than 75.) 25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?: ew, neither. but if i had to choose, phone. bc, you know. my face. 26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?: lmfao no. i mean, i’m better than the person i used to be, that’s for sure. (see: indoctrinated as a child, including your typical conservative bullshit like racism for starters.) 27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?: so many. i have misophonia. and people chewing + mouth sounds is definitely a big one. love? idk??? music? rain? my cat’s cute lil meow? 28: What’s your biggest “what if”?: what if my thyroid issues were discovered earlier on instead of a year or more after they started. my childhood doctor was Not Great. it took her two weeks to figure out i had a sinus infection. i was in the fourth grade. still bitter about both of those. 29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?: no, ghosts aren’t real. aliens yes. not the stereotypical ones, but in a “given the size of the universe it’s literally impossible that we’re the only life out there” way. 30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.: right, the cat. left, air. 31: Smell the air. What do you smell?: nothing? it’s my house/room, so to me it smells like nothing. 32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?: uh... i’ve no idea? 33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?: west, obviously. 34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?: no such thing as ‘opposite’ gender. of a different gender, though? lady gaga. 35: To you, what is the meaning of life?: who the fucking fuck knows. literally know one knows, though tbh. they just think they do. 36: Define Art.: lmfao how would i know. i don’t have a creative bone in my body so i should be the last person to comment on the subject. 37: Do you believe in luck?: nope. i hope it’s obvious by now that i don’t believe in fictional things. 38: What’s the weather like right now?: cool. cloudy. typical oregon winter weather. i want rain tho :( 39: What time is it?: 3:04am. 40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?: yes. and yes, several times. three. two totaled cars. the last one is the only one that was actually my fault, though. driving too close after it rained. don’t do it, folks. 41: What was the last book you read?: the diviners by libba bray. currently reading a short history of nuclear folly by rudolph herzog. fascinating, but kind of depressing af. 42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?: no. 43: Do you have any nicknames?: hal (to a very select few bc 99% of the time i hate it, so fuck you if you call me this without permission), hals, hallie bird, hallie strawberry. 44: What was the last film you saw?: i honestly don’t know. haven’t done a whole lot of movie watching lately. maybe the fall (2006). (please watch this movie, it’s so gorgeous and lovely.) 45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?: i’ve never had a serious injury. well. i take that back, i guess. in my first car accident i was stopped and rear-ended at like, 40mph. so i’ve had back issues since i was 18. usually it’s fine but sometimes it’s bad and sometimes i can set it off really easily. idk if that counts as “serious”, though. lots of people have back problems. 46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?: i don’t think so? 47: Do you have any obsessions right now?: i guess buzzfeed unsolved and watcher. and ‘stupid love’ by lady gaga lol. good omens, as usual. 48: What’s your sexual orientation?: asexual. 49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?: yes. thankfully only a few (that i know of, anyway). 50: Do you believe in magic?: no. 51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?: yuuup. they deserve it. 52: What is your astrological sign?: taurus. 53: Do you save money or spend it?: spend it :|| every paycheck i tell myself i’ll be better at saving it, but............ 54: What’s the last thing you purchased?: preordered chromatica by lady gaga. 55: Love or lust?: if i had to choose, love. lust and all that stuff is gross. 56: In a relationship?: nope. shocker, i know. (this is sarcasm. it is no shocker to anyone as to why i’m single.) 57: How many relationships have you had?: just the one. 58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?: nope. 59: Where were you yesterday?: work on my day off for a staff meeting, and then my psychiatrists’ office. 60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?: a few things, yes. 61: Are you wearing socks right now?: yes. almost always. 62: What’s your favourite animal?: cats, then birds. mice are p adorable, too. i miss having them. i haven’t had mice since middle school or early high school i think :( i’d love more but my current cat would definitely try to eat them... same with a bird. i’ll probably never have a bird :( 63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?: be sarcastic and love stupid puns and bad jokes? 64: Where is your best friend?: one is in ohio and the other is in massachusetts. 65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.: no idea lol. i haven’t been on here much recently, and i’m never caught up anyway. and i don’t usually pay attention to who is posting/reblogging. 66: What is your heritage?: mostly german. the rest is other typical white stuff that i can’t remember. some irish? either way idc. 67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?: uh, rewatching some buzzfeed unsolved for the 100th time? and playing with my tamagotchi? 68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?: he doesn’t exist so idc. 69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?: nope. also, Nice™. 70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?: incredibly doubtful. 71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?: go to work. i love my job way too much. i’d probably try to get someone’s attention if there was anyone around, and/or call animal services. (there are no canals around here anyway and i don’t walk to work and ain’t gonna.) 72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?: who tf knows, i hate this shit. i’d really rather not think about it bc it stresses me out. i probably wouldn’t tell very many people tho. try to find someone to take my cat :( i sure as shit wouldn’t leave her to my parents :( and i wouldn’t want to leave her in a shelter. she’s already done that once and it makes me too sad. 73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.: trust. you can’t have love without trust, though... 74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?: ‘sweetness’ by jimmy eat world, ‘fade to grey’ by jars of clay, ‘thunderhead’ by the elms, ‘bad romance’ and ‘g*psy’ by lady gaga (latter is... i hate the name but the song is so fucking catchy, ugh), ‘torn’ by natalie imbruglia, ‘bring it all back’ by s club 7, ‘... baby one more time’ by britney spears, ‘where’s the love’ by hanson, ‘who do you think you are’ by the spice girls, ‘as long as you love me’ and ‘everybody (backstreet’s back)’ by the backstreet boys, ‘black balloon’ by goo goo dolls, ‘spark’ by tori amos, ‘last beautiful girl’ by matchbox twenty, ‘push it’ by garbage, ‘i want you’ by savage garden, ‘minority’ and ‘she’ and ‘basket case’ and ‘macy’s day parade’ by green day... how’s that lol. 75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?: not giving out that kind of personal information lmao. 76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?: i wouldn’t know. 77: How can I win your heart?: you probably can’t. idk anyway. 78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?: sure, but lack of insanity is a better way to go. don’t perpetuate the bullshit notion that you need to be suffering to create Great Art™. 79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?: idk. i haven’t made very many. 80: What size shoes do you wear?: 10 in women’s. 81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?: i’m going to be cremated and you probably should be, too. just don’t get embalmed, k? 82: What is your favourite word?: fuck. 83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.: ‘alone’ by heart. 84: What is a saying you say a lot?: idk. someone who spends time around me irl would have to tell me. 85: What’s the last song you listened to?: ‘stupid love’ by lady gaga on repeat. 86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours?: blue. then green, and in no particular order, black, grey, purple. 87: What is your current desktop picture?: it’s boring, just the default mac catalina background lol. i was having issues choosing a background and was getting way too fucking picky, so i just said ‘fuck it’ and have been using this one for months. 88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?: donald trump. 89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?: idk? how much in debt i am? lmao. 90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?: assume i’m having a night terror or am hallucinating. and be scared. 91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?: hopefully teleportation. 92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?: maybe when i met carlos valdes & got a picture with him. he’s super sweet, is living sunshine, and gives amazing hugs. 93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?: so many :/ idek where to start tbh. 94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?: i’m sex-repulsed so no thank you. also, gross question. get a life. 95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?: new zealand. 96: Do you have any relatives in jail?: yes, my cousin bc he murdered my dad ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?: no. 98: Ever been on a plane?: many times. 99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?: indigenous people aren’t history, they still exist. shut the fuck up and listen to them. build a time machine to go back in time and prevent colonisers. just straight-up kill them, we deserve it.

#me

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spikycharlotte · 7 years

Note

:0 all of them

y’all better strap in

four jews in a room bitching / what’s your favorite stereotype for your religion?

haha i don’t really identify with one in particular? so i’m not sure.

a tight-knit family / who do you consider family?

i for sure believe “blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.” while i do have family members whom i do love and am proud to call family, i don’t think the question is calling for that.

my best friends are like family to me, and i’d do anything for them. i also have a mentor/teacher, and he and his wife are like second parents to me.

love is blind / what makes a healthy relationship?

C O M M U N I C A T I O N ! ! ! you should NEVER be lying to your s/o!! and if your s/o does something you’re not comfortable with/makes you upset, TELL THEM! you shouldn’t be stewing, but also don’t enter the conversation angry and accusatory. and on the flip side, if your s/o comes to you with something you did, LISTEN TO THEM. apologize and explain yourself, even if it was just a misunderstanding! avoid becoming defensive.

the thrill of first love / what’s something you’d kill for?

answered here!

marvin at the psychiatrist / do you ever feel like no one is listening to you when you talk?

i used to feel this way all the time, but i’ve recently become comfortable with saying, “excuse me, i was speaking” when i’m spoken over. also i find myself in lots of leadership positions in my day-to-day, so i’m pretty good at making myself heard.

my father’s a homo / could you/would you want to be president?

the idea (a loud, genderqueer, butch lesbian with the conscience to do the best for others) sounds great, but i’m not the person that fits that description to be president. i’m infj, so i’ve got the teacher personality, and that’s what i want to do!

everyone tells jason to see a psychiatrist / do people nag you consistently about something? if so, what?

this is such a #relatableteen answer but my room is a goddamn mess and my mom nags me on the daily to clean it (something i never do)

this had better come to a stop / what’s something people do that infuriates you?

i talked about this a little bit, but when people come to me with relationship issues and the issue could resolved so easily if instead of coming to me and telling me, they just went to their s/o. a problem cannot be resolved through outside sources.

i’m breaking down / what makes you crazy/pushes you over the edge?

answered here!

please come to our house / what was the last thing you did to help someone?

ummm to fit with the “therapy” theme of this the other night i helped a friend when she needed to vent about some crappy home things.

jason’s therapy / what’s the worst advice you’ve ever been given?

i resent this question being with this song!!! i think mendel’s “feel alright” advice (while flawed) at its core is actually kind of pure and good! of course the way he gives it is bad (ignore your problems!)

but worst advice i’ve ever been given was i asked a friend towards the beginning of my last relationship if i should continue it and she said i should, and it ended much later and i was very unhappy throughout most of it. so that was pretty shitty. (i now have a very wonderful girlfriend who is currently having me answer all of these questions :-))

a marriage proposal / how would you want to be proposed to?

actually something very similar to how mendel does it! something private and lowkey, and just having someone word vomit their love for me sounds very cute and endearing.

however i always thought of myself as the one who would propose, so there’s that

a tight-knit family (reprise) / are you satisfied with what you have in life, or do you want more?

well as a student in high school it’s kind of hard to be satisfied, because there’s so much i want to do but i can’t as my student-ness prevents me from doing so.

but considering my place in life, i think i am quite happy!! i have a great gf, great friends, and i’m kind of excited for this school year!

trina’s song / what’s the worst interaction you’ve had with the opposite gender?

every interaction i’ve ever had with a male human being ever in my life. i could go on and on. but one that comes to mind is how one time a dude went on this huge rant during a teacher’s lecture about freud’s psychosexual theories about how homosexuality is an unnatural choice, all while continuing to glance at me to make sure he got his desired reaction

march of the falsettos / who’s the most immature person you know, and why?

um i know plenty, but the worst are some of my younger very intelligent female friends who are more focused on their boyfriends than their academics, which while i love and support them infuriate me to no end.

trina’s song (reprise) / have you ever settled for something better than you’d expected, but not as good as you’d hoped?

while this worked out for trina, as she soon would realize that mendel would be as good as she hoped, settling for less than you hope is never a good thing.

i’ve always thought this, so i can’t really think of any examples

the chess game / what’s the most petty thing you’ve ever done?

perfect question for this song, op.

i’ve done a lot of petty things in my life, bc i think everyone does. very recently though a girl was annoying the hell out of me trying to get me to tell her the answers for our summer hw and i gave her the entirely wrong answers.

making a home / how different are you in public than in private?

my personality is very much the same, but i’m obviously more in public. i don’t swear as much. and in private i talk to myself and sing loudly all the time which doesn’t make much sense to do in public

the games i play / do you ever wish you were doing more than you currently are?

constantly. i’m in high school so my options are grossly limited. i’m super excited to go to college and begin my teaching career. i just really want to help people!!

marvin hits trina / have you ever hated someone for being happy?

before i was in a better place like i am now, i really resented my best friend for getting a boyfriend for a while. but now i’m fine and very happy for the both of them.

i never wanted to love you / have you ever liked something you knew was bad? have you stopped?

um in middle school i liked sup/erwhol/ock despite the problematicness of them all (the other two more so than d/octor w/ho), if that’s what this means.

father to son / what is your relationship with your parents?

i love my mom a lot, she’s great. she had me in high school, and my bio dad split when he found out i existed, so i’ve never met him, but i also have no interest in doing so. i love my (step) dad a lot, but our relationship is kind of strained bc i don’t think he fully understands my being gay (even though he’s not rude or anything about it)

falsettoland/about time / do you use labels?

i actually quite like labels ? i like legitimizing my identity by finding out that other people feel the same way, and therefore have worked to put a name to it.

that’s also why i kind of like the femme/butch scale even though it was initially a joke, bc it acknowledges that not every lesbian is lipstick OR stone butch, and idk i kinda like it. but i do hate when nonlesbians ,,,,,, use it ,,,,,,, to describe lesbians,,,,, bc,,, it’s not for them…..

year of the child / when was the last time everything was about you?

idk prob my birthday parties… i don’t like being the perfect center of attention, i feel uncomfortable

miracle of judaism / what’s the last significant decision you had to make?

oh geez idk. i don’t make a lot of those… i can’t think of one right now.

the baseball game / do you play/like sports? which ones?

i do not like them really… i like badminton tho… that’s more of an activity and not a sport though

a day in falsettoland / what’s your daily routine like?

during the summer, i wake up and fart around on the internet, unless i have somewhere to be. all the while texting maggie all day

everyone hates his parents / what was the last thing your parents did that pissed you off?

my mom is a really bad backseat driver. like swearing and anger is her brand of backseat driving. so it makes me super anxious and angry hearing someone constantly bitch while i’m trying to drive

what more can i say? / are you in love? have you ever been in love? what is it like?

answered here!

something bad is happening / do you get frustrated when you don’t know something?

yes i do. its a problem, especially as i’m on academic team

more racquetball / are you a sore loser/winner?

yes yes yes. mariokart comes to mind in particular. if i lose it was lagging or too many items were unfairly sent my way, or if i win everyone else sucks and i’m the best

holding to the ground / how do you react when things don’t go as planned?

i’m not the best. i’m a huge control freak, so when things don’t work out perfectly i freak out

days like this / are you an optimist, a pessimist, or a realist?

i think i’m like an.. optimistic realist? like i’m a realist, but with that i’m more likely to say “the worst case scenario is this, so at least that’s not happening”

canceling the bar mitzvah / how do you react under pressure?

i get stressed, but i also get my work done, so good and bad

unlikely lovers / do you have any friends who are extremely different from you?

yeah, a lot actually! i have one friend who listens to hard core rock stuff and has a bunch of piercings and has never listened to a musical in her life and i also have friends super into gymnastics and cheerleading and stuff. i love my friends!!

another miracle of judaism / if you could have anything right now, what would it be?

maggie, next to me

something bad is happening (reprise) / have you ever had to deliver some really bad news? how did it go?

i had to explain to someone the oak/great comet drama, which was not fun. but i don’t think i’ve ever had to break super terrible bad news, especially not like what charlotte had to tell her best friend

you gotta die sometime / are you afraid of dying/death?

i don’t know…? the idea of nothingness is for sure daunting

jason’s bar mitzvah / what was the last big event you attended?

the other day i went to the first practice of the year for academic team! theres a lot of us and we had pizza and played and whatnot

falsettoland (reprise) / what do you want your legacy to be?

i just want people to remember me as someone who did their best to help others

#this took #literally forever #but it was super fun #me #asks #i love u maggie :0 #spikycordelia #long post

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iamhop · 7 years

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wow haha i really hate my life and by my life i don’t mean like oh my circumstances suck gosh being a white-passing pretty smart girl in a middle class family is so difficult i mean like... (continued under the cut)

i hate how i make these decisions thinking they’re gonna better my life in the future because now i have this idealized future of where i want to be and how successful and happy but because i load so much stress onto myself it just doesnt help me out now like school is actual fucking hell because i always HAVE to push myself past the breaking point (i.e. working and stressing so much about one class last year i literally had an anxiety attack daily as i walked to that class) and then i KEEP GOING and KEEP MAKING THINGS HARD FOR MYSELF Now even though i dont need to be doing so much just to have a good life in the future, i just dont want to regret anything but now i am regretting not living

like i am focusing so, so hard on what i need to do when to stand out the most in any field i may want to go into and ive started specializing some but my parents have drilled it into me that i’m not gonna make it in a fine arts field so i started trying to funnel myself into a digital tech field but i hate that so much i want to actually kill myself half the time and now im signed up for calculus my junior year so i can’t do what i really am passionate about (sign language, art, and drama) and i am taking all AP courses AND NOW COUNSELOR WAS LIKE HEY UH HOPE THAT’S KINDA A LOT DO YOU WANNA MAYBE DIAL IT BACK SOME NO MY COUNSELOR WON’T EVEN TALK TO ME ABOUT ANYTHING SHE LITERALLY MAKES ME FEEL LIKE THE DUMBEST SHIT

so now i am taking precalc online. and if i get a B in this class. who knows what might happen idk if i can let that happen but it might happen and it could have some supr negative consequences on me

and I really want to join dungeons and dragons club next year? you know to do something purely for myself in the present for once in my life? but i also really want to join Gay straight alliance again but i can’t because

a) its on the same day as both of the clubs that i’m copresident of so i cant triple book mysel

b) the club has devolved somewhat from what i loved when i first joined as a freshman and really isn’t that great anymore

also I painted my nails rainbow on an impulse last night after i cried for an hour about failing a precalc test becase my computer turned it in half blank

and then regretted it profusely

because it’s basically screaming IM GAY and i dont find solace in the LGBT community anymore

my summer was going pretty nicely but this last week it’s crashing and burning as this weird wall i had between me and my emotions that made me so almost happy (was it happiness? more like maybe just finally resting from the roller coaster) and now everything is shit again and i am crying a lot and i just feel so useless everywhere

also my mind is like HEY STOP TALKING TO YOUR FRIENDS YOU DON’T WANT TO TALK TO FRIENDS ANYMORE and i CANT DO NYTHING TO STOP IT

so it’s time for me to finish my online ASL homework and go take off my rainbow nail polish (some mom i was in the car with was telling her kids how being gay is a lifestyle choice and i was trying rlly hard to hide my nails while holding up a drink) so goodnight guys and if you actually read this entire rant, god bless you. If you got to the end here if you wanna shoot me a message (anything. even a hey hop) i will be loyal to you forever and do anything for you since you care enough to read this long winded pointless deluge of my current thoughts and emotions GOD my mother needs to schedule that psychiatrist appointment cause lord knows i aint saying anything about it to her to remind her cause i just can not

#rosetxt #im so sorry #this is just a mess of my feelings #and kinda long #sorry

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

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Survey #399

“i was raised by the devil’s own kin, taught me that a good time was never a sin”

Do you like wine? NOOOOOOO that shit is gross. Explain the grossest thing that's ever happened to you? Having an infected pilonidal cyst drained. Would you rather go on holiday somewhere warm or somewhere cold? Cold, for sure. What would be your ideal pet? I reeeeaaaally want a very visibly sunset morph ball python one day. The really pretty ones are expensive as fuck, but omg, I want one so badly. What was the last book you were required to read for school? The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood. It was fantastic. Would you chew somebody else's gum? EW FUCK NO. What was the last type of meat you ate? Chicken. How old were you when you had your first kiss? 16. At what age would you allow your kids to dye their hair? Whenever they wanted, as long as a professional did it. Which fast food place do you eat at the most? Probably McDonald's. Bats are not spooky or are they? I adore bats. Do you like the song "Womanizer?" Unabashedly, yes, haha. I love the beat and it's really catchy. Do you know how to change a tire? Nope. How big is your backyard? Very small. What is your favorite Nintendo 64 game? I've actually never played a Nintendo 64. If you want children, what are some of your reasons for wanting them? I don't want any. Does a career in finance sound interesting to you? Absolutely not. When you cook a dish that has beans in it, do you prefer to use canned or dry beans? I. HATE. Beans. What’s something that makes absolutely zero sense to you? Those that deny the existence of dinosaurs. Fossils don't lie. Do you like strawberry shortcake? No. What’s your favorite dessert? That's so hard, but probably cheesecake. What’s the last you got out of the freezer? Vanilla ice cream. Do you know anybody who is ambidextrous? Sara. Have you ever been 4-wheeling? Yes. Will you be attending any weddings in the near future? No. If you have glasses, have you ever smashed them? No. What was the last thing you got a really good deal on? My APAP mask. Insurance covered it way more than even the women in the office were used to so had to look into it. Insurance has been nice to me lately, from TMS to this. What was the last reason you took medicine? I had a massive headache. Any important birthdays coming up? My older sister's was today, and her eldest daughter's is in two days. Mark's birthday is the 28th, and that's like a holiday in my book lmao. What colour are your headphones? These earplugs are pink. How do you express your creativity? I mostly write RP and rarely poems. I also like to draw sometimes, and I'm big into photography. Gypsies or gnomes? Gypsies. Dragons or fairies? Dragons are my favorite mythological creatures. Elves or pixies? Elves. Where is your favourite place to get breakfast? Maybe Cracker Barrel? Or Waffle House. What was the first sport you learned how to play? I want to say soccer. I hated it. Nickname you’re called the most? "Britt" is the most used. Do you sleep on your stomach? I can't now with my mask. -_- That's how I usually slept. Have you ever been called a bitch? Yes. Would you ever want a super-realistic baby doll? Fuuuuuuuuuck no. I don't like dolls, never mind realistic ones. Ladybugs or bumblebees? Ladybugs. <3 What is the best thing that ever happened to you? My first round of a partial hospitalization program and meeting my psychiatrist. Both that therapy and proper medication is the reason I'm alive. What is something really hurtful someone you love has said to you? That I was an "ungrateful bitch." What Facebook groups have you found the most helpful? One for advanced ball python husbandry. There are some SERIOUS elitists in there, but it does have great information. Did your mom ever own a typewriter? I think she did? We used to have one, so. What would you have your bridesmaids wear? Maybe orange. I want to wear a black dress and get married in the fall, so, Halloween vibes! :') Where do you want to go on your honeymoon? I think Alaska. Do you wear a watch every day? I never do. Have you ever personally been a victim of homophobia? No, thankfully. Not yet, anyway. Do you think you’d be happier if you had a pet? I am much happier with pets. Were you ever hospitalized as a little kid? No. Have you been hurt more by friend break-ups or romantic break-ups? Romantic ones. Who is/was the best friend you have ever had? Sara. Do you own a trenchcoat? No, but I wish. They're badass. Name the hardiest piece of technology you own? My iPod that I've had since middle school. That bitch STILL works, and I use it heavily. Are you currently in a smoking environment? No; people aren't allowed to smoke in our house. Have you ever owned a tire swing? No. Does anyone you know own a bird that can talk? My old friend Alex did. I don't know if I can call her my "friend" anymore because I haven't seen or heard from her in well over a year at the bare minimum. Do you ever not speak to someone because you’re afraid you’ll annoy them? STORY OF MY LIFE. Is there any drama going on in your circle of friends? No. But I don't really have a "circle" of friends to begin with. Have you ever lost your luggage at an airport? No. Have you ever been on a rollercoaster that actually scared you? I don't go on rollercoasters. If given the opportunity, would you act in a commercial? No. Do you believe in finders keepers in most situations? No. How many pills do you currently take a day? Ugh... Now keep in mind this number encompasses medications that I just have to take a larger dose of that particular med; I don't take this number of different prescriptions. AS a whole though, I take uhhh. Somewhere around nine or ten in the morning, and six at night. I might be off about my morning pills. What do you take medication for? Bipolarity and depression, anxiety, OCD, severe heartburn, even more intense nightmares, uhhh... maybe I'm forgetting others? Idk, man. I'm on too many. Have you ever had a bag stolen? No. What class from high school did you love the most? Art. What class did you hate the most? Economics. If you don’t have a car, do you wish you did? Not at this very moment, because it'd be useless as I don't currently drive. Have you ever had a job you loved? Nope. What, if anything, do you substitute for fries? I just eat normal fries when they're offered. Have you ever been in a building that was on fire? No. Have you ever written a poem for someone? At least twice. Have you been best friends with someone of a different race? Yes. Who’s the last person who cussed you out in anger? I think only my grandmother has done that. Who is the person you are closest to that you’ve meet online? Sara. Have you friended your parents on FB? Mom, yes, while Dad doesn't have one. What do you absolutely have to have to make your birthday feel special? My family. Mice or roaches? I love mice, but roaches creep me out. Have you ever received a gift and truly did not know what it was? Yes. A family friend is good at that. Is there anyone whose grave you visit? No. Do you like being in pictures? NO. Do you travel a lot? Not at all. Have you ever eaten a dog treat? No. I've eaten a guinea pig treat though, haha. And it wasn't awful. Have you ever wanted to get drunk and get your mind off everything? Yes, but turns out my alcohol tolerance is too high while only liking weak alcohol to begin with. Have you played cards recently? No. Is there a certain song you like to headbang to? I don't do that, I'd get way too dizzy, and besides, I don't want a headache. Anything you might be giving up on soon? I've been wondering if I should (for the most part) abandon human photography. I've lost so much passion for it, and besides, I feel like I'm going nowhere with it. I know I really, really shouldn't, though. Have you ever captured a moth? I put a caterpillar in one of those little plastic habitats once as a kid that grew into a moth. I then released it, of course. When was the last time you changed your picture on Facebook? It's been months. Do you have a really fat cat? No, he's healthy. Do your initials spell a word? No. Have you ever made a business card for yourself? No. Did you love playing hide and seek as a kid? Yes, that was my favorite! Are there any recipes you have memorized? No. Do you know your multiplication times tables? No. Do your parents allow you to have your privacy? Yes. Have you ever been severely burned? No. Did you ever dream that you had a baby? I've had many, actually. Guess with who. What was the weirdest thing you've ever seen cross the road? I want to say a turkey? Or maybe it was beside the road.

#survey #suveys #random questions #lyrics: ''boss's daughter'' by pop evil

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canaryatlaw · 6 years

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alright, well today didn’t exactly go as planned, but was still an overall good day. My alarm went off at 10:30, I got up and showered, then got dressed and Jess and I headed out to my first doctor’s appointment of the day. The two doctor’s appointments I had today was the original purpose of the trip (and to placate my family about the fact that I’m not coming back to some degree). We stopped for bagels, because New York, and it’s mandatory to have bagels at least once while you’re here. From there we kept driving since this doctor is pretty much an hour’s drive from my house. This was my pulmonologist who has been with me through the ups and downs of my lungs hating me since 2013 lol. I was especially grateful to him today because in May when I woke up hacking my lungs up, I was able to get in touch with the on-call doctor (it was a Saturday) who prescribed me the medicine I needed and I got it two hours later, and by 24 hours I was totally back to normal. Now compare that to what happened last year when I couldn’t reach him and I suffered through 4 days of misery coughing, and having to do my trial advocacy final trial (which was a legit full trial) with my brain totally clouded by cough syrup fog, to the point where I was like, questioning if my surroundings were real lol it was BAD. so after that nightmare I was soooooo happy it worked out so much better this time, because I never want to deal with that again. So we drive there and park, then take the somewhat sketchy elevator up to his office. Got called in pretty quickly cuz they’re good like that, did the whole breathing test I’ve done at least 100 times by now (like that is not an exaggeration at all, it’s definitely been at least 100 times) which always leaves my lungs hurting but also always shows they’re functioning at very high levels (which is, objectively, a good thing, but can also be frustrating when I’m having an issue but the test says everything is great). Doctor comes in a minute later and did some stethescope stuff, then we went into his office and just went over everything, as he seems to be of the opinion that it’s all somewhat related, so we talked about sleep and studying for the bar and acid reflux and all that stuff. His daughter is also currently studying for the bar so he gets what that’s like lol. He kept being like “you’re getting enough sleep right?” and I was like 😂😂😂, oh yes, I definitely am lol. So he called in the one prescription I have from him and we made an appointment for six months out (so January). From there we headed out, we encountered a bit of traffic so it took a while but we were home at like 2. From there we just relaxed for a bit, talking to my sister in our room and just having fun. I looked at train schedules only to discover the two main train lines had a massive gap between 4 and 7 pm, presumably because of the massive amount of trains coming east during that time, but like, that totally screwed us over, so I mapped out and planned to drive to a station a bit further away but that had more options time wise and I thought should work. We then headed out to doctor’s appointment number 2 with my psychiatrist, and then planning to go to Anastasia in the city. So we got in the car and made a quick pit stop at Target to grab the prescription my pulmonlogist had called in for me earlier, and then made our way to my psychiatrist’s office. I really like him so much. He’s been in the process of retiring for a while now but has agreed to still see me until I can get settled with someone else (assumedly in Illinois) and I appreciate that very much. Got called in pretty quickly and had some conversation with him, he wanted to know about bar stress and all that, and I told him that while the bar studying is stressful, when I’m not considering the external factors like that I am still very much enjoying my life, so that was good. We didn’t make any changes to my meds, but we talked about the tremor issue. He seemed doubtful that it was actually caused by the medication that had the listed side effect of tremors, but said that after the bar (because we didn’t want to mess with it beforehand, obviously) I can try going off that med for a bit and see if it helps, but I should probably consult a neurologist regardless which is like 🙄🙄🙄 I really don’t need another doctor in my life at the moment lol. But I’ll probably talk to the primary care doctor I have in IL about it and see if I can get a good reference, it’s easy when I keep it all in the Northwestern Medicine system, so the info can be shared easily as needed. As we were leaving I checked my email quickly and saw I had one from the ticketing site I got the Anastasia tickets from, which stated the performance was at 7, not 8 as I expected. Well, fuck. I looked at the train times and if we made it to the 5:13 train we could get there at like 6:25 and be in decent shape, so we did our best to dash out of there and speed to the train station, but we were thwarted by traffic and it soon became clear there was no way we were going to make it in time, and the next train didn’t get in till 6:54, so clearly that wouldn’t work. We tried looking any other station that could work but didn’t find anything. So we pulled over for a minute and tried to figure out what to do next, and I was like well, I guess we have to drive then 😐😐😐 which I was not excited about but I would do my best. So we plugged in the address of the theatre into the GPS and got going. Again, doing our best to make good time, but traffic was slow in many places, and when it said we had about 24 miles to go but the ETA was putting us there at 7:01, more than an hour from the current time, we agreed this wasn’t worth the stress because I was high key freaking out about driving in Manhattan, and we should just cut our losses and head back home, so that’s what we did. Jess was getting really bad motion sickness at this point so we got off on an exit and found our way to a parking lot, so she could breathe and calm down for a bit without moving, and then went to the pizzeria that was right there because one cause of her feeling sick was that we hadn’t eaten yet (the plan was to stop between the doctors appointment and going to the train, but we of course had to ditch that plan). So we sat down and ordered some food, we got cheesy garlic bread (because of course) and ended up getting the baked ziti pizza, which, yes, is pasta on top of pizza and smothered in cheese, and oh man, it was very good. So we ate our pasta pizza and then determined we were too full to stop for ice cream (sad life, I know) so we headed home. When we arrived most everyone was just chilling, and of course my parents wanted us to chill with them since we’re leaving tomorrow morning. So we all got into the den and did our various activities while talking. My older brother was being a giant pain in the ass tonight, which isn’t anything surprising as he is often doing that, but it’s still fucking annoying. He’s just like, such an asshole, I can’t take it. He’s an emotionally abusive sexist power hungry asshole, and it’s like there’s nothing I can do that he won’t find a way to make fun of me for and like, even with the small stupid shit, I mostly don’t care anymore but it hits something in me that has been there from being treated like that for all these years, and I once again got confirmation that there is no way I could ever move back into any arrangement that involved me living here on any basis other than like a few weeks, at most. And of course my parents do nothing because they never do anything and were completely ineffective in stopping my brothers from torturing me for years to the point where I became suicidal as an 11 year old. There’s just too much there, and I can’t deal with it when the jerks would never admit they did anything wrong because they truly believe that they haven’t, and none of this could ever be their fault, it was obviously because of because I’m stupid and broken and messed up. I tried to stop myself from getting too upset but I can only do so much. There’s also this whole situation going on at my dad’s office with the girls who work for him who apparently ganged up on another girl working there and got her to quit, so my dad’s been all mad about it and the three of them (two brothers and dad) are talking about it and they’re saying all kinds of misogynistic bullshit and when my brothers left I was just like uh you better not be listening to anything they said because they’re full of shit, and he said he knows but he’s always the “softie” boss and bringing my older brother in will scare them, and I’m like yeah but not because he’s a good leader, it’s because he’s an asshole and you’re likely going to have them all quit if you do that because he’s incredibly condescending and just flat out rude and is totally power hungry. Idk, we’ll see what happens with that. After that we headed upstairs since we need to be up early for our flight tomorrow (as I type this at 11:45 pm) and ended up talking to my sister and her friends for a while before actually getting ready for bed, and then I started writing this and here we are. I still feel like shit, and I hate that I feel like shit, I hate that stupid stuff can get to me like that but it just slices right through the old healing scars from childhood and reopens the old wounds just as fiercely as they were first made. But then I also doubt myself, thinking but other people had it worse, you’re probably exaggerating and want attention...and like all of this is playing out in my brain while all of this is happened. I could probably write more about it now, but it’s late and I’m mad tired so I’m going to call it a night instead, I may opine on it further tomorrow, we’ll see. Goodnight everyobe. Thank you all for following me and providing encouragement, it’s much appreciated. ❤️

#daily journal #July 2018

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alegendarystudentwonderland-blog · 6 years

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Saint Paul Minnesota Cheap car insurance quotes zip 55106

"Saint Paul Minnesota Cheap car insurance quotes zip 55106

Saint Paul Minnesota Cheap car insurance quotes zip 55106

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://salecarinsurance.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr

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I'm 17 and am currently on my parents insurance plan, so there are 3 of us with only 2 cars. I'm listed on the truck, b/c it has more horsepower. I'm about to buy a '92 Prelude, and they said the insurance would go up about $122 for 6 months. This doesn't seem too bad, but if i'm now driving my own cheap car, why is that a greater risk than driving the truck with full coverage, not just liability? It seems like it should almost go down, because there's a lower chance that i will crash up one of the more expensive/higher hp cars. Is that just the way it works or is there a better option for me? My agent also said my own policy would make it even more expensive, which i could see, because we wouldn't get the multiple driver or car discount.""

Car accident with no insurance?

I was stopped at a red light behind two cars. Both cars started to go and so did I the next thing I knew I had hit the car in front of me. The car in front of me hit the car in front of him. We all pulled over my car isnt to bad but I drive a suburban, the car in front of me was a smaller car so his looked a little worse. Nobody was hurt, and all cars were drivable, so we decided to not call the police we just all exchanged information. After we had finished and they left I immediately called my insurance lady to let her know what happened. I am not super clear on this next part, we have been going back and forth with our insurance since that call and will continue to fight it. When I called the insurance lady she said I wasnt covered. She said that they had received the last payment much later than it was due (not sure how because it was mailed the same time as always) but because of that our insurance had been cancelled. A couple of weeks ago they had chased our check, she said we were reinstated as of yesterday (the day of the accident) but because it was the same day they werent liable to pay the damages. We are going to keep fighting them because I dont think its fair. Even if they decide that they wont pay we can afford to just pay for the damages to the rear end of the car in front of us, because know matter what happened I am at fault for following to close. We cant afford to pay out of our pocket also for his front end and the rear end of the first car. Shouldnt those damages be covered by the car I hit because he was obviously following to close to the car in front of him? Im a little freaked out with all this, this is the first accident I have ever been in and we have always had insurance, so we thought. The insurance company did say they mailed us a cancellation notice but if they did we have never received one.""

Learner car insurance?

I will be supervising a learner with a provisional licence, i have been driving for more then 5yrs and hold a full Uk license.. Do i have to have the car insurance in the learners name too?""

Where can I find professional liability policies for a surgeon?

This is for a finance project. If I need to pay fro professional liability insurance, on what website can I find this insurance. Will I have to pay for it by myself, or does the hospital/company I work for pay the insurance for me.""

Liability insurance price for honda civic 2006?

how much is the average liability insurance cost for honda civic 2006 4 door and 32 year married driver with 100% clean driver's history?

I recently moved to Brooklyn and I need to find affordable auto insurance for my car. Any suggestions?

I know car insurance in NY is expensive in general, but any suggestions would help!""

How much does motorcycle ensurance cost?

I am planning on getting a bike. used,street bike probably a 04-07 dont know what kind yet but i was curious if a) is insurance on a motorcycle absolutely needed? b)how much if im 18, but father as a co signer with GREAT credit score c)on a $5,000 bike how much would it be a month overall, insurance and payments.""

When you get a license do you need insurance? Or is that only when you own a car?

Hi, I live in New York State. When I turn 17, I plan on taking drivers. ed. and getting my license (i think it's normally 18 years old for licenses, but if you take classes you can get it at 17). Do my parents have to pay insurance for me once I get my license? Or is that only if I own a car? Thanks P.S. Extra question - what is the usual/average rates for 17 year old drivers with good grades (i just need a estimation no specific numbers necessary) thanks""

What type of lawyer do I need to fight a car insurance company?

I was involved in a car accident where the car insurance company for the other person involved is supposed to pay for my car andnhave accepted liability for the accident. But. I haven't received any payment from them. And it's been 4 months! I want to hire a lawyer, just need to know what type do I look for...???? Thanks in advance""

Is it legal to be declined health insurance for this reason?

I applied with a major insurance company in California, am a single vegetarian in my mid/late 30s no children, extremely healthy never been diagnosed with anything, exercise regularly. I guess they dug up that I had taken a fertility drug in the past - I was never even diagnosed as infertile - it's a really cheap common drug that stimulates your ovaries to produce more eggs but I had no partner to get pregnant with so to was just something I got from a fertility doctor if I wanted to get pregnant with donor sperm. That's not even covered by insurance if I ever want to do that again and the drug's like $20 you can practically get it over the counter it's so common I know tons of women who use it. I didn't even apply for maternity care to be included in my insurance, just a basic policy. Is it legal for them to decline me because of this? So if a woman has a baby they are no longer eligible for insurance? Most women who get pregnant take this drug (including both my sisters) yet they still have insurance. Was it legal for the pharmacy to give them this info? I don't know how else they found out.""

Can you buy Insurance to cover accidental injury only?

My kids have no health Insurance. Can i buy an Insurance which can cover them only for accidental injury caused by fall or skate boarding?

What is the cheapest car insurance in california?

My parents won't even consider getting me insurance because they think it's too expensive. I'm a girl, 16, gonna be 17 in October, and have above 3.0 GPA My car is a 1996 (i think?) toyota camry.""

How much does a california speeding ticket and no insurance will cost?

My friend jst bought a car from sacramento and i was driving it since it was manual he was jst learning and i was speeding in the freeway on a 70 went 86 and i got pulled over .. with no insurance since we were going to transfer hes old insurance in hes old car to this new one toyota xrs 06... how much will it cost me for the ticket and the no insurance please help me i have no idea what to do ?..... I heard that if i get pull over with no insurance i get my lisence suspended is this true? and fine of 1000$ and posibly car will be towed because its illegal to not have an insurance :(? please somone help me with this part real information plz.

""Question about vsp eye insurance? around how much would glasses, contacts, exam cost?""

hey im new to the job world and i got guardian dental insurance and i think its comes with free vsp too. and the guardian insurance worker told me i'd tell them my social security number and tell them i have vsp to qualify or something. im going to go to a private office that accepts vsp. i want to get an eye exam, get 1 pair of prescription glasses and contact lens fitting and contacts. i dont have a credit card yet so i plan to pay with cash but i dont know how much to withdraw out of the bank to bring with me. i live in georgia, near atlanta by the way. or should i just go to lenscrafters or visonworks or something like that? could you give me an estimate of how much each would be when using vsp, if you have it? and if i used the insurance would i have to pay all the amount there and the insurance company would evaluate my claim and send me money back..? i dont know so how would that work too. thanks for your time in advance.""

I need cheaper car insurance.?

Alright, so right now, I have progressive car insurance and I pay about $190 a month. I'm 19, 20 in August. Have had my license for one year. no tickets, no accidents. old cheap car. I just want PLPD insurance that isn't so expensive. I've been told I'm paying too much. I've tried getting quotes from many insurance companies online. The insurace I have now is the cheapest I can find. I have my own policy.I 'm all on my own. Does anyone know where I could get cheaper insurance?""

Home insurance Vs Common insurance in Condo's?

One of the listed property I am interested in has an assessment fee of 280 which includes common insurance,exterior mant,snow removal. What is this common insurance ? and do I need to still take home insurance personally ?""

My mom is 83 years old .She does not have health insurance. How much will cost physical exam for her?

Is it possible to get Car Insurance for a 17 Year Old Boy under 2000!?

Looking on GoCompare I can not find car insurance for less than 2K anywhere! Does anyone have any suggestions I can afford to pay 150 a month, not cheap but it's realistic. I found a company called Young Marmalade who can do it for that, but they also have restrictions which I could do without! Any help and suggestions would be appreciated :/""

Car insurance and change of address?

I rent a room in a flat near my university, which is only 10 minutes away, but my car licence is registered on my old address. I've been living in this address for over a year, but coming back on holidays to my parents home (25 miles away). I have no proof of this address as everything is still registered on my parents home. I am trying to get insurance and i want to put the address of the place i live in now (comes cheaper), but like i said, my car licence is registered elsewhere. Should i inform DVLA of address change? i've been reading on google for the past hour that it is illegal to be registered on a different adddress than it says on insurance/car licence. As in, both have to be the same, but if police stops me, would they fine me or something? Thanks in advance and sorry about my English, not a first language.""

I need affordable health insurance! I need your advice.?

I'm a 23 year old male married to a 22 year old female. Both are struggling to make ends meet in school although we have been frugal in our savings. Lately I have felt impressed to purchase health insurance yet I haven't the slightest idea to begin. We both attend a University that offers a insurance policy - I'm not sure how reliable it is though - here is the link - http://www.usu.edu/health/insurance/ (click brochure). 4 and 1/2 years ago I began suffering from the effects of OCD. It's been a complected process for me and I have had to depend heavily on prescription medications. I also have concerns for my wife in the case that we conceive - we need to be able to afford bills that would come as a result of hospitalization. This is one of the limited options I have researched and I realize there are many people out there with vast experience in this field. Your professional experience or even experience you've gained from going through the same things would be greatly appreciated! Thank you

Cheap car to insure for a 17 year old?

Im 16 about to turn 17 and am looking at cars to insure but they are all too expensive to insure. Can anyone suggest a cheap car to insure and a cheap car insurer

Car Insurance Coverage?

I've a question regarding car insurance coverage. If I scraped my car while parking in a garage will they cover the repairs for it? What portion of the insurance coverage is that? Would it be comprehensive? Thanks.

Whats the rough cost of insurance for a 17 yr old new driver?

im looking to buy a car like a corsa or 306. summin like that but just wanted to know what the cost of insurance will roughly be. and no dont tell me to 'get a quote' caus you need like all the details and full licence etc, that i dont have yet""

Saint Paul Minnesota Cheap car insurance quotes zip 55106

How much do you pay for car insurance?

How much would the bill be for a 20-year-old male with the least amount you can get?

Whats the cheapest insurance out there?

whats the cheapest insurance out there for a 1998 Pontiac grand prix!!

Auto Insurance Experts: How much will I be penalized for lapsed insurance due to non-payment (I'm unemployed)?

I have been without insurance for nearly a month now. I have been unemployed for 5 months, but I will start a new job next week! Yay! Since I will start working soon, I will be able to afford to pay again. My car will also be paid off next month. I plan to go with a new company. (I do not have loyalty to the current company.) I used to have a well-known national company for years. When I first lapsed six months ago, my long-time company DOUBLED my monthly premium. I went for a low-budget, local company. Will the new company force me to pay for the time I did not have insurance? Or will I face a penalty? Will they charge me a higher rate? **Believe me, I know that I am taking a terrible risk driving around without insurance. I know that it is illegal...but I have been unemployed for 5 months, and have used the little money I had to pay rent, utilities, my car, groceries for me and 3 kids. I just had no other choice... I just want to be prepared for fees, higher rates, penalties, etc. Can you please give me some advice and suggestions on how to get myself back on track? Thanks.""

What is the cheapest car insurance?

Looking for cheap insurance because I have had to tickets for speeding.

Who sells the cheapest auto insurance online? Thank you in advance.?

Motorcycle or Scooter Insurance in London?

How much would the insurance be for a motorcycle or scooter worth less than 4,000GBP in London? I'm hoping that it would be a lot less than a 50cc scooter in Dublin worth about 400GBP costing 200GBP for insurance per year.""

Volvo Insurance ...... ?

I am a 16 year old male and I am looking at the 2010 Volvo C70 for my first car. I was wondering is the insurance really expensive on those ? About how much would my insurance be a year if I get that car ?

VW beetle car insurance?

Im nearly 17 and female and love, even though I know its expensive.. A VW beetle as a car soon. Any idea on what the car insurance may be?""

Best Car Insurance Quotes?

Hi I'm about to turn 18, am female and passed my driving test on Monday. I just bought a car. It's so tedious getting insurance quotes. I've checked all the comparison ...show more""

Life insurance for my parents?

Hi i am interested in taking out a life insurance policy on my parents in the UK just wondering if this is possible and whether it can be shared between me and my siblings many thanks.

Where can I get an affordable liability insurance for my new cleaning business in California?

I'm trying to open a new residential cleaning business. I already got a quote from state farm but it was way too expensive. 2500 dollars per year. I'm new in this, so, I ...show more""

""Insurance wise, am I allowed to drive my parents' car?""

My parents bought me a car (Honda Accord), and my name is only under that car at the current moment, whilst their names are under all of the vehicles in this family. So, if I was driving my dad's Acura TL, registered under him and my mom, and I got pulled over for a random checkpoint, would I be okay?""

Does your person or the actual car need insurance so you can drive?

I live in California. i dont have insurance but my friend does. Am i allowed to drive his car or do i need my own insurance?

What's a nice car with good insurance?

I want a used car for under 15k. Looks, handling, and safety are important. I like how the ford mustang and chevy camaro but they have pretty high insurance... I've never had a ticket in my life. So any nice cars with relatively low insurance?""

Will my insurance cost more this year?

hello people ... so i was wondering if anyone thinks my insurance will cost more this year. i have a motorbike honda cbr125. last year it cost me 450 to insure. looking at the insurance this year it says around 550-650 will mine be this much?

Should i have the right NOT to buy health insurance?

i could have saved close to $4,000.00 in the last 29 months by not having insurance""

HOW MUCH can my insurance rate rise up after hitting another car? backing up i hit the front right bumper/ligh

I live in California and I have full coverage on my vehicle currently I am 26yrs old and have about 6 yrs with my Dirvers license and NO accidents or tickets on my record. BUT a lot of people mention that my insurance rates will go really high whn an accident happens. I hit the car behind me it donsnt seem to me a a major accident, but a small one. I need help just an advise to know what to expect, please!! maybe in an expert can advise.or other personal experience by someone?""

How much will I pay for car insurance as a 17 year old in CA?

I am a 17 year old girl, who is going 2 get a nissan versa. I make about $600.00 a month at my job. My parents said they would get me the car. I have to make monthly payments, which would be $250. They have really good credit. How much would insurance cost? What is the best deal I can get? What company should I go to?""

California Insurance with Arizona license?

If i change my California drivers license to an Arizona one, do i have to tell my insurance company? If i do will this affect my policy in any way? thanks!""

I need a way to better word this topic sentence for my essay.?

im trying to give reasons on what insurance companies can do to make birth control affordable. here's the topic sentence i have: A way birth control can be affordable is if insurance companies help cover a portion or the entire bill.

2006 Saleen Insurance?

I might be buying a 2006 Saleen supercharged next week. I am 22 years old and female (but I turn 23 in May). I've never been in any accidents, I've only had one speeding ticket about 3 years ago, and I have a pretty good driving record, and I've already graduated from college. Any clue how much full coverage insurance will be?? or maybe what any of you may pay for a similar car?""

Im 15 and how much am i looking forward to pay on my car insurance? The car is a 2005 chrysler 300c?

It's a black car V6 engine i live in the city it will be parked in the garage and we have a low crime rate in the city ? i would like specific answers or similar stories?

How much would auto insurance be for a 18 year old?

i want to get a camero but i heard that 6 cylinders cost more on insurance....i live in texas and i would like to know if auto insurance is based on how many cylinders ur motor has

How much will insurance go up?

I'm 20 living in NJ. Been driving for about 2 years and under my parents insurance policy. I have no points on my license other than the ones that you start out with.I've gotten 2 tickets before but neither of them were point tickets and neither of them went to insurance. This ticket I just received was for speeding (over by 9 MPH). About how much will my monthly insurance rate increase by?

Is there a way for me to get affordable car insurance?

hi im a college student in NYC i am single and live alone in a studio apartment in Brooklyn NY i work in an armani exchange store and at the moment im also going for acting and have already nailed some gigs. My question is if anybody knows how i can get car insurance under $4000 (BTW i dont have any1 living in another state) i checked most companies and they offer 10-13k either a year or 6 months so please if any1 knows how i can get insurance help me out i am in dire need of a car.

Saint Paul Minnesota Cheap car insurance quotes zip 55106

What kind of insurance will cover rhinoplasty pertaining to broken nose?

My nose broke and now I have what the doctor told is called Saddle Nose. He said there is no rush, but I have some difficulty breathing and it is somewhat deformed. I have University of California health insurance, will this help? How should I get this procedure done for the most inexpensive cost? Any insurance experts?""

Will my car be inspected by my insurance company even if I don't claim myself in an accident?

I want to lower my car and camber my wheels, however my car insurance will not let me untill I am 25. I know if my insurance company find out, my car insurance will be void. Under what circumstances will my car be inspected? Will it be inspected If I don't claim? I don't mind not claiming on my car because the value of it is only about 400""

""I would like to buy health insurance for my 13 year old son. What is the average cost in San Diego, California

What's average cost of health insurance for 13 year old boy in California?

Is my car insurance too expensive?

Im 17 years old and recently checked out some quotes for car insurance and the cheapest i could find was $700. I live in toronto and the car is a 2000 civic ex. Is the insurance too expensive considering this is my first insurance

How do car insurance companies determine fault when both drivers are giving conflicting stories? the other dri?

the other driver made a claim with his company. my damage is minimal. do i need to call my insurance company. he is lying and is at fault, but denies it to get his car fixed.from another accident. statements have been made to his company. ty.""

How much would the average commercial insurance quote be for a warehouse?

I am doing a project for school, creating a fake business plan for an online grocer that we are creating in Boston (again, fake grocer). As part of the business plan, we must include miscelleneous costs, including Insurance. Any idea? (180,000 sq ft facility)""

How do I get all my old insurance names?

Hiya. Im struggling to find a way to get my information. Most of us dont keep all our old paperwork. Been driving for 6 years but cant remember even who the companys where. Any way of finding out or are they lost forever? Is it also possible to claim on possible ppi on car insurance?

""Question about health insurance, dental insurance?

Hey so my tooth is really hurting? I'm thinking of getting dental insurance and then going to the dentist. If it turns out I need a root canal or something really major-- will they pay for it? I mean-- do I have to declare tooth pain before hand or how does this work exactly? So confused...

Is Auto Insurance cheaper in Florida or Georgia?

Any tips for getting insurance for a first time driver? (UK)?

any ideas about which cars are the cheapest to insure/cheap companies etc? thanks:)

Can you get car insurance in British Columbia from anyone other than ICBC?

I've been searching around and it seems that nobody will sell insurance in a province that has a government insurance agency?

Would it be cheaper insurance on a small van compared to a small car?

I am now older enough to drive, I have been looking at cars. And, I was just wondering if it would be cheaper when it comes to insurance if I buy a small van (http://www.wisebuyers.co.uk/vans/300/Ford/ford_escort_van_1.jpg), instead of buying a small car (http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-3oRG_dt7j3k/TkgXL5ZmbRI/AAAAAAAACDg/zQL9eZiCJ-w/s1600/fiesta-13.jpg)? Thanks, Chris :)""

Does getting a quote mean that I now automatically have Insurance?

I just recently bought a car, I am 18 and I am pretty unfamiliar with how owning a car works (this is my first car). Now since I am so young I would just like to see what prices each insurance company will get me. Now my question is as soon as you accept to get a quote does that mean that they will automatically insure you. Because I want to get as many quotes as I can but just so I can make a decision between different Insurance companies, not so they can automatically insure me just because I requested a quote.""

""Hit by a person with no car insurance, now what?""

I was rear ended by a kid that has no car insurance. He license was also suspended because of this. I called the police and filed a report with my insurance company. Do I have other options? I feel I should not put out a cent as I was not at fault. I have to pay my deductible and I know my insurance will go up, no matter what they say...""

Insurance estimation for a 1998 - 2001 Mitsubishi Eclipse for a 17 year old?

Hi, i am 17 years old, active duty in the military an i am trying to buy a Mitsubishi Eclipse, although my mom keeps telling me that my insurance will be through the roof. Does anyone have an idea of how much it might cost me? For full coverage, in California? I understand that the Eclipses have a high death rate because they are quick, an teenagers tend to test the waters a little bit. However i am a responsible driver but i do want either an Eclipse or a Trans Am. Your time is much appreciated:) thank you!!""

I just got pulled over for not having my seat buckle on and I'm wondering how much my insurance will go up?

This is the first time I've EVER been pulled over and I've had my license for a little over a year now. I get good grades and all that stuff so my insurance is pretty low for the average person right now. I'm wondering how much my insurance will go up? SOMEONE HELP! Kinda freaking out here. :p

How much would motorcycle insurance be for a 19 year old in Florida?

I'm 19 years old living in Toronto Ontario Canada. I've been riding street bikes since 16 years old and have obtained my M class license. (Ontario's full motorcycle license) My dad is moving the Family back to our hometown of Jacksonville Florida and was curious as to insurance prices since there is no way in hell a 19 year old boy from Toronto can afford a premium on a 600cc sport bike. I currently have a premium on a ninja 250R around 2000$ a year and a secondary driver policy on my dads R6 around 1100$. since my bike here in Canada goes by KMPH i would need to sell it and save myself the hassle of transferring all the info. So would there be any chance of me affording a R6 in Florida or would they rape me there too?

""What is the best insurance company that will give me a good rate, and good coverage for a 16 yr old teen?

Good driving record with no incidents and and good grades with excellent attendance. Doesn't matter if it's an online insurance company.

Car insurance?

when someone gets a speeding ticket it affects the cost of their insurance. how many years does this affect the cost? do all forms of tickets, traffic, moving and parking violations raise the cost of liability car insurance? and how long for?""

How will this go with my insurance??

Yesterday i was on my way to work and I was stopped waiting to turn left, there was a car in front of me stopped as well, who was turning in the same direction. Once they had turned i looked and i did not see anyone so i began to turn, in the middle of the turn i saw a car coming very quickly at me, i tried to speed up to get out of the way but i was hit on the passenger side of my car. The woman said she saw me but couldnt stop in time, and when i looked over i could see she was breaking and her car wiggled back and forth, and from experience i know that that only happens when you are going at high speeds. I am 17 and on my parents insurance, i am worried about what will happen. How will the insurance deal with this, will we have to pay for her car even though she hit me? Will her insurance cover my car? Or What will happen? I am very worried and i do not know much at all about Insurance and dealing with accidents. Also what is a deductable?""

Car insurance!!!!?

i need to know what the average car insurance for an 18 year old girl working in a hospital's peugeot 106 1.1 litre would be.

CT Insurance for small business?

Hi everyone, My father and I own a small company and we now both work full time for our company and we would like to get health insurance. My father indicated in the past he read some information that you can get a discount with state insurance if your company makes less than X amount of dollars per year...We can't seem to find this information. Who should we call in CT to get some answers or maybe someone already has information. Any help is greatly appreciated. Many thanks!""

Is it true that most Americans that have health insurance are getting it from the federal government or their?

state? If this is true why not have affordable health care for all. We can't all work for the federal government or for the state we live in. Most companies can't afford ...show more

Is it illegal to drive in florida without insurance? ?

Is there a cheap car insurance place in New Jersey for a 17 year old girl to get insurance?

Im 17 and I turn 18 in July and I bought my own car, its a 1992 toyota and I want my own insurance, I know it's going to be pricey a lot but I don't want to be under my parents insurance. I don't mind only getting liability but I need some help finding a cheaper insurance place in New Jersey on the upper east coast. Thanks!!""

Saint Paul Minnesota Cheap car insurance quotes zip 55106

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/washington-title-insurance-company-liquidation-emily-dickson/"

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sanguinesprout · 7 years

Text

Just write... don’t think too much... ugh... impossible... It hurts... (Bittersweet feelings of the past, some self- encouragement and general happenings)

It’s really difficult, especially difficult lately. I’m not sure whether these physical symptoms that have been plaguing me for some time have resurfaced on their own, or whether they’ve been exacerbated by the tremendous amount of stress I’ve been subjecting myself to, but it’s knocked me back quite a lot. Both physically and mentally, I’m so exhausted and so pained, it hurts so much. I feel like I can’t do anything again, there’s no joy or desire to do anything, my motivation is almost all shrivelled up, concentration span is -1000 and I’m still ever so frustrated with myself. I need to take a deep breath and stop beating myself up about things again.

I started writing this post a couple of days ago and was thinking about it a few days even before that so I have completely forgotten what I wanted to write. Happens pretty much every time and I’m such an idiot but w/e, oh welp and never mind. Spontaneous is the way to go!

The past few days, or weeks I’ve been really in a sort of nostalgic-ish sentimental kind of mood. Mulling over the past isn’t something I want to keep doing because well it sucks demotivates and side tracks me usually, but in this case it was kinda unavoidable and sometimes reflecting is good too. I’ve been tidying a lot of the stuff in my room lately, trying to declutter and sort through some stuff that has gone untouched for years. Things like toys from childhood, books from school, even some old photos and things like that. Seeing them all again feels so bittersweet. So much has changed, the things I used to love and find big and amazing look so small and old now, it fills my mind with memories and also sadness. I’ve never been allowed pets so the stuffed animals I had were very dear to me and made me feel safe, seeing them again made me feel horrible for boxing them away for so long. The feeling of being replaced or thrown away is such a horrible thing, I feel really guilty about it, but it’s also something I feel like may have happened to me idk...

I am always worried about growing older and having not accomplished anything, being a burden... It’s one of the reasons I am scared to reconnect with past friends or put myself in view of relatives on places like Facebook. I imagine all those people are happy and successful unlike myself. I mean I’m only assuming this and I’ll never know how they’re doing really, but they were definitely much more functional than I, that’s for sure. I even dreamed about them a few times lately, made me remember some good things and bad things, it left me feeling pretty wistful and upset. I do miss them a lot and I wish I tried harder to stay connected but being there on FB was just such a bad experience for me and everything else at the time was already too much to handle, I had to run, I had to disappear... :< There’s so many more specific things, reasons, events which I could mention but I’m not ready to write about it, or I am too scared to or may have remembered wrongly. It pains me so much to think back about bad times, but it’s probably all my overthinking that was the real cause of the problem idk... ;;

I also went back and looked at every account I’ve had on the internet that I could remember. Some linked to more that I had forgotten even, but in general they all weren’t used for more than a year or two. Most of these were from like 7-8 years ago when I was most active and well... I’m sure I’ve written something like this before but I still write pretty similar now, though much less sort of goofy and hyper lol. I saw I wrote some things that I probably would never even think of writing now or feel would be much too personal in a way to disclose so freely. I would favourite and comment a lot more and just generally try reach out and message people much more easily. I was still anxious about things I posted and I mentioned my worries frequently, I remember still trying hard to fit in and only partly succeeding, and I openly wrote 'my life sucks’ in some of my profiles lol. I want to regain some of that confidence or carefree-ness I had before or to find some new ones. (Sounds like I’m talking about buying shoes or something, but I am too lazy to think up a fancy coherent sentence rn lol.)

There’s a lot of friends I talked to then and well disappeared from, but some of them also disappeared. Things happen and there’s a lot more important stuff that requires focus on for everyone. Maybe like these times I’ll be able to forget my most recent escapes and losses of friendship as time goes on. Though the last time was different... there was conflict while in previous ones I just faded out. The conflict really affected me a lot, much more that I could even comprehend, I feel it may have even sparked a lot of my current illness. I looked back on some things from before the conflict happened and it’s such a shame how something so happy and sweet can become so sour so easily. I miss the happier times I experienced and I wonder how all the people I’ve ever talked to online are doing. I hope they are well and I’m thankful that they were my friend, no matter how long or short that may have been, it still meant so much to me.

There is still one friend I occasionally message and a few still within reach now. I feel bad for staying away from them, but my priorities lie in improving my health. I keep feeling like I’m being selfish, but looking after yourself and your health is of the utmost importance. I was a little happy when the friend (and past friends) said they wanted to talk to me recently or times before when they’ve said before that they enjoyed messaging me, it made me feel... well, not worthless, which is very nice and touching and I hope my own words may have warmed their hearts just as much too :’>

Something I was also able to take away from my little nostalgia dig is that I was a good person and still am. Not to be bigging myself up or anything, but I just want to remind myself of this for all the times when I decide to hate on myself and bring myself down. I know I have a good heart (figuratively at least lol) and that I am someone worthy of friendship, even if at times I feel I don’t deserve it. I liked to help people and also admire people’s work with great enthusiasm, while being appreciative of their comments and it showed. I should cherish myself more and give myself credit for what I have been able to do instead of beating myself down with doubt and self-loathing.

When I looked the art I had posted before all those years ago, I felt pretty impressed by myself and kind of proud, which is very motivating. There were plenty of flaws, a lot that I worried about and even mentioned repeatedly, but there were people that genuinely liked my creations and the actual content, even if experimental was very good even in my own eyes ^^ Even if it sucked, I still continued and wanted to learn to get better. Now I am always afraid of trying things, always unaccepting of the flaws and instead striving for the unattainable but failing and ending up paralysed instead. Sometimes effort is not equal to a good result and sometimes it is, sometimes unintentional things can be great and intentional things can suck, sometimes... no, at all times I just need to go for it and praise myself even for just the act of trying, no matter the outcome. ‘Perfectly imperfect’ or ‘free and me’, maybe those are the styles I can strive for instead C:

Anyways, now I’ve had a look at the past, it’s time to get back to the present where everything matters most. I’ve been going shopping, to the park and stuff like that quite a bit again recently, it’s been nice even though I wasn’t feeling that good and the weather’s been pretty erratic as usual. I haven’t played Just Dance for probably over a month now lol, I actually got the newest one and haven’t even tried it, my focus has just been elsewhere or maybe just nowhere. Despite this, I think I am still feeling alright physically, besides the possibly stress/anxiety induced pains. I have lost a little weight, probably from my cleaner-ish diet, and it feels less tiring when I do go out and I feel a tiny bit more confident which is good, I hope lol >< My skin has been even awful-er lately and that knocked back my confidence though :c I kind of took the time to pamper myself yesterday, it was nice after such a long time and I’m glad I put the effort onto doing so even though it was hard :3

I started watching this Korean drama (’Heart to heart’) a while ago, which I had high hopes for, as it was centred around a girl with social phobia(or that’s what the summary said, but she actually has agoraphobia which is well, different) and a psychiatrist but I lost interest in it fairly quickly. It’s just a typical Korean romance drama dressed up a tiny bit differently, with the lead male (the psychologist) having the stereotypical rich, arrogant, selfish personality which is completely illogical and unrealistic for his occupation and some other hand wavy cliche things. Me and my sister were watching it while my parents were there. Before watching it I was thinking it could maybe give a slight insight into how I feel, but it was much too... too... idk it feels like the topics aren’t treated seriously or are exaggerated for maybe comedic effect. I feel I expected too much. Also the second lead guy is an actor I kinda like and his personality is the total opposite of the lead (kind hearted, heroic etc.), but knowing the lead girl will probably end up with the mean lead guy is just so annoying.

My dad was asking why the character is so weird and my mum just doesn’t watch it at all, she has something against Korean dramas in general and since the topic of therapy has been around with me lately, it probably put her off more... My sis even said to her that I specifically wanted her to watch it, which really freaked me out. Something I took away from it is that I don’t want to reach the point which the main character was in, I know that sounds really mean and that what she has is different but it scares me to think about it, the extent in which someone would go to avoid interaction and if that someone could end up being me (though I know very well how unlikely that’d be). She lives alone, can’t speak up to anyone, literally runs away from interaction and she does things like grow vegetables in her house so she wouldn’t have to go to the store etc. (That was one of the things my dad was commenting on amusedly and enquiring about). But she also knew how to cook and drive a scooter and she could go out with confidence when in disguise etc. which is so much more independent than I, though she doesn’t really have a choice if she wants to survive.

Uh I shouldn’t be comparing myself to a character lol... or anyone else for that matter... The drama is interesting in a way, but the typical rich snobby characters and cliches irk me. I actually don’t have the energy to watch anything at the moment in general most of the time anyways... it sucks... ><

Something I’ve been thinking about for a long time.... I just feel like maybe knowing what’s wrong, or pushing myself in the direction of what I feel is wrong with me may turn out to be a self fulfilling prophecy and I really wouldn’t want that at all. I need to wise up more and wait for official help, it’s really difficult to not want to self diagnose myself with avpd, though I kind of already have been doing so. I am still waiting for contact about an appointment, and well there’s been nothing so far, seems like it’ll probably be a while before I begin getting anywhere there. It’s disheartening but I can keep being patient and trying on my own still like I have been doing at least.

There’s lots of things I’ve been wanting to do and thinking about them is overwhelming, especially because of how I feel there isn’t enough time because I go about things so slowly. But I know I also waste a lot of time just worrying about it, wallowing is sadness or getting lost in other thoughts. There is enough time, I’m just not using it as much as I could, but it’s really hard with that mental block always being there. I’m thinking of that Confucius quote again, about being slow and it not mattering, it’s pretty nice and reassuring. I haven’t done totally nothing these days, I did quite a few things and maybe none of them are near finished, but if I just push a bit more maybe I’ll do just that. No more pushing myself down and instead let there be more action! I can do it! I can keep going! :D

Wow this post got long lol, but I did write it over quite a few days and w/e I can write whatever and however long I want, stop worrying silly me! This your blog to do with as you like after all! I may not be feeling good right now, but it won’t stop me from doing things. I wanna make awesome stuff and kick ass and that’s exactly what I’m gonna do hoohah! Alrighty, motivation up! Let’s go~~!! C:

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

Text

Survey #371

“some of those that work forces are the same that burn crosses”

What is one song you feel as though you sing particularly well, if any? Probably none, lol. What was the last lengthy task you completed? I love these unique questions I've had lately, but damn, are a lot of my answers "I don't know," lol. What type of photography do you enjoy looking at? Do you take any photos yourself, and if so, what types of things do you prefer to photograph? I love floral and wildlife photography. Landscapes, too, and I have a great fondness for boudoir for reasons I've mentioned in previous surveys. I like taking nature pictures, mainly. Have you ever gone out for the Black Friday shopping rush? Did you enjoy it, or not so much? Or, what’s the busiest shopping day you’ve ever experienced? Hell no, that's a hard pass. I'm sure the busiest shopping experience I've had was like at the mall or something around Christmas, idk. Do you enjoy reading diaries or stories you wrote from when you were younger, or does it embarrass you? If you’ve kept them, was there a particular reason for hanging on to them so long? NO. I DON'T. BECAUSE I CRINGE INTO ANOTHER DIMENSION. I keep a lot of it for memory's sake, but goddamn, is it always embarrassing. What would you say was your first true hobby? What about your most recently developed one? Um... the first thing I really remember is video games. I played Spyro like, a LOT, along with other childhood games. I was just really into gaming at a young age. Is there one thing that throws off your mood more than others, whether it be lack of sleep, lack of food, heat/cold, etc., and when was the last time you felt especially cranky? THE HEAT. I become so irritable. I was needlessly cranky a few days ago for whatever reason. What kinds of things are you likely to complain about? My legs hurting, more than anything. Also being hot. Do you like to put any extra effort into your food in terms of presentation, or do you prefer to just put it on a plate and eat it as it is, no frills? Ha, no. It's not gonna look fancy in my stomach, so whatever. Have you ever dated someone who had kids? No, and I very much doubt I ever would. Are there any candles in the room with you? No. Does the last person you kissed have tattoos? No, but I tell her all the time that dainty nature tattoos would be THE most beautiful on her. When was the last time someone called you pretty? I think when I last updated my Facebook profile picture. Do you like the color pink? It's my favorite! Does your cell phone have a case on it? What color? It came with this thin purple one. What was the last song you had on repeat? "Moon Baby" by Godsmack. Ever kissed someone your parents hated? No. Your most recent ex says he/she hates you, you say? I wouldn't *say* anything, I'd break down sobbing. Would you feel hurt if your last ex was in a relationship? No. Have you ever had to choose between two people? Yes: Jason and Juan. Juan and I dated for less than a day not all that long before Jason and I got together, and Juan was pretty upset. He was nooot a fan of Jason due to a shared ex-girlfriend. Jason, meanwhile, just didn't care. What is the saddest thing that has happened to you? What about the happiest? I think the saddest thing has to be my breakup, especially when you know just how madly in love I was with him and had endless trust that he would never leave, and then he was gone in a flash one night. The happiest is, in turn, my recovery from said split. I found strength in myself and felt hope for once as I learned coping mechanics and got a psychiatrist that was worth a shit in my partial hospitalization program. What was the last new drink you discovered that was delicious? *shrug* Do you have a YouTube channel? Yes. I don't make videos anymore, though. Were you happy as a teenager? God no, my depression was awful. What do you do for your mom on Mother’s Day? Sigh. Not enough. I just tell her happy Mother's Day, give her a hug, and try to be an extra good daughter. Do you know anyone who follows a raw vegan diet and lifestyle? No. Can you go see a doctor alone or do you like to take someone with you? I can do it alone (but only have once), but I like to bring my mom with me still. Would you have sex with someone of the same gender as you? I'm bi, so. Have you ever had a concussion? One or two, I can't remember. How many dresses do you own? Zero. Do you know anyone who has a pet gecko? Yeah, my friend Summer has a darling leopard gecko. I want oneeeeee. They look so damn derpy and adorable, and their chill demeanor is something I really like in pets. Would you ever go bear hunting? No. Absolutely never. Do you prefer drawing or painting? Any particular reason why? Drawing, for sure. At least you can erase stuff, and paint is just so messy. Do you like raisins? NO THANKS MAN. Do you remember your locker combinations from high school? Nope. Do you forget to flip the page of your calendar at the start of each month? I don't have a calendar. Are you racist to any race? Nope. Have you ever intentionally hurt an animal? I've given cats and dogs a small pop on the rear, but nothing more than that. I hate doing even that, but with the language barrier and all, sometimes it's the only way to get your point across. Do you own any autographed memorabilia? No. Have you ever dated a twin? No. Oreos or Chips Ahoy? Oreos. Have you ever considered being a cop? Yeah, no thank you. What’s your favorite superhero movie? Maybe Logan. I thought it was very emotional and just overall a good movie. Name somebody you know who deserves a better life than they have: MY MOM. Name something that you’re good at but don’t like: uhhhhhhhh Name something that you’re bad at but DO like: Dancing, maybe. Which is worse: Stale chips or flat soda? Stale chips, for sure. It's certainly not my preference, but I can drink flat soda. Who’s the hottest guy and hottest girl out there? M-Mark Fischbach. :') Girl... let's seeeeee... maybe Alissa White-Gluz from Arch Enemy. GodDAMN what a WOMAN. ❤_❤ Do you ever trip over your pets? Yes, because he just looooves to follow me at my feet. What’s your relationship like with your exes? Aaron, Juan, Jason, and Tyler: nonexistent. Sara and Girt: great. What was the last thing you turned down doing? Going to my nephew's t-ball game. I always feel bad when I say no when Mom asks if I wanna go... but at least the kids know I just don't handle the heat well. Are you a party animal? Faaaaar from it, my friend. Who are you the biggest fan of? m-m-m-mMARKIPLIER You’re DJ for the night - first track to get everyone going? Uhhhh maybe "Party Hard" by Andrew W.K.? Have you ever been hit on by a pushy person? I think Juan was kinda pushy, but not to an uncomfortable degree. He respected what I felt. What accent do you find attractive? Most attractive, British. But I also really like Scottish and Irish. Also French accents in women I tend to find very beautiful-sounding. Have you ever had feelings for a friend's partner? Yes. What’s your favorite thing to do that doesn’t cost much? Drive around take pictures, maybe? Let's, uh, ignore the whole gas crisis in this answer. When in danger are you more fight or flight? Flight. Do you feel self conscious about a certain body part? *gestures to entire body* Have you been accused of being manipulative? Yes. Have you ever considered violence to solve your problem? No. Are you romantic? I personally think so. If you are a smoker, how long does a pack typically last you? If you aren’t a smoker, does anybody you are close to smoke, & if so, are you against the fact that they’re a smoker? I don't smoke. To answer the next part, yes, like my dad and stepmom. I wish they would stop so badly, like it's literally going to kill them both. Do you have more subscribers or more people that you are subscribed to? On YouTube? I'm definitely subscribed to waaay more people. Is there anything that has been drilled into your brain since you were young & you finally decided to stop listening to? How did it feel once you decided to listen to yourself over what you were told? Yes: "finish your plate." Teaching your kid to eat beyond their comfort can be very destructive, and I'm glad I never stuck to that once Mom stopped enforcing it. If you are currently in a relationship, what is one thing that seems to be unique or different about your relationship with this person, compared to other relationships in general? If you are currently single, is this more of a choice or is it more just the way things are going, not really something you chose? If you are neither “single” or officially in a relationship, what are your feelings on your current situation? I'm single, and it's just how it is. I know realistically I wouldn't tell what felt like the right person no, but it really is probably better that I stay single and keep figuring my shit out. Think of somebody famous that you have a lot of respect for. What is something that you really admire them for? To name just one thing I admire in Mark, his relentless "I'm going to do this no matter what" attitude is very inspirational to me. He lets like... n-o-t-h-i-n-g get in his way. If somebody were to leave a harsh comment on a survey you took, judging you on one of your opinions, how would you react? I'd get pretty self-conscious, just because I in general take judgment quite poorly. I obsess over "what if they're right, and you're just an idiot?". Are there any other sites you use to find surveys to take? What sites do you use? I mainly use Tumblr and LiveJournal, but in times of great desperation, I'll use Bzoink and just google surveys as well, haha. Have you sent or received any friend requests on Facebook lately? Not sent, but I got one from someone I had no mutual friends with the other day. Safe to say I declined it. Can you recall the last time you turned down an offer, of any kind? Uhhhhh no. Which fruit would you say you eat the most often? Apples. What was your pet’s last vet visit concerning? Roman has been to the vet once to get neutered (and I think shots?). I took Venus many years ago because I thought she had a respiratory infection. Thank god, she didn't. Which animals do you tend to go check out first at pet stores? The reptiles, snakes in particular. Have you ever been a victim of a house fire? No. What’s the longest you’ve ever had to wait before being seated at a restaurant? Like, over an hour. Have you ever had a cavity before? How about a root canal? A tooth pulled? Braces? Cavities and braces, yes. What is your favorite zoo animal that you would like to set free? Probably polar bears. Like especially here, it gets so hot in the summer, and the poor things sometimes only have a bit of snow in the shade. Like... they can't be very happy. Especially when you see those videos of them playing in snow, and then you think about situations like our zoo here... ugh. What kinds of artifacts fascinate you? I really think old figurines built with like clay and stuff are cool. But all artifacts I find to be very intriguing. It's so interesting to see that the desire to create has always been with us as a species. Is there anyone that you’ve visited in jail? No.

#survey #surveys #questions #lyrics: ''killing in the name of'' by rage against the machine

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