#also: surprise! the people making the clothes for the system that oppresses them mostly also want to be wearing those styles | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

cf8wrk4u-us · 3 months

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Ok idea, the district kids and their potentional Guardians.

District 1 kids(Marvel and Glimmer): Ultra Magnus or Kup, either by Ultra Magnus strict nature or Kups story will humble them.

District 2 kids(Cato and Clove): Jazz or Mirage heck maybe even Starscream, both came from upper class before Cybertron fell to war so they can help break the kids out of their mindset.

District 3 kids(Calling them Chip and Wire): Soundwave, Shockwave, or Wheeljack. Techies have to stuck together

District 4 kids: Either Rodimus since he bonded with one of them, or Seaspray or Nautica

District 5 kids(Calling them, Jules and Watts): Jolt, a lesser known autobot with Electric powers

District 6 kids: Cyclonus, he's an alien jet he'd be so cool to them.

District 7 kids:

District 8 Kids: Swindle or Knockout, with Swindle trying to get them to but "authentic" 21st century clothing and Knockout just telling them hot Goss or making fun of Capital people's clothes.

District 9 kids: Honestly hard pick

District 10 kids: The Predacons, they'd especially love Razorclaw or Headstrong

District 11(Rue and Thresh): The Dinobots, mainly because I love the idea of Rue riding Grimlocks T-Rex mode

Katniss and Peeta: Megatron or Optimus

I really love this idea! I think you made a lot if great pairings for the tributes and ideas of their personality and names👍

If I have to be honest though I sort of limited most of the potential tribute partners to members of the Lost Light Crew and the tributes I do know.

While your list is good I'm happy to show you what I had in mind.

District 1 and 2 are basically pariahs among the bots and their fellow tributes, especially Cato. Yes, the crew understands that these tributes are basically a bunch of brainwashed kids who have been manipulated to be killing machines by the start of the game but it still erks a lot of them that when Rodimus gave them a way out they still chose to attack the humans. A 12 year old even!

Not that the Career tributes mind since. their equally as hostil at first. They're scared and anxious, because in their minds they blew it. My headcanon for how the Career Tributes are that the mindset and mentality is that you "Come back a winner or you don't come back at all". They were expected to die in that arena or come out a victor. Nothing else. But there all still alive and the games are ruined. Yes, through no fault of their own but they doubt that it'll make a good explanation to their families or trainers. Even if they do make it home the only thing ready for them is disgrace.

But there are some bots that try to be friendly or at least cordial with them. Like you meantioned Ultra Magnus is a firm and strict character that will get them in line, his attitude may be reminiscent to their teachers. He keep an optic on them but also make sure their equally attended to. He may not approve of their mindset but refuses to discriminate against them.

Megatron would be a surprising presence around them, given that he did threaten to vaporize the group back at the arena. But it stems mostly from his own complicated feelings. Because to him, these Career Tributes were so much like his followers during the early stages of the war. How many young bright-eyed Cybertronians came to him looking to change the oppressed system and better their station in life only for him to turn them into ruthless war machines? How many did he indoctrinate into his cause and convince anyone who wasn't apart of it to be there enemies. To Megatron, he was the Districts, manipulating his own people to be machines of war instead of agents for change. There are actions he didn't regret when it came to the war, but robbing the futures of the next generation was something that will always weigh on him. So , he will check on the Career tributes to make sure there handling everything well for the most part. He's the one to notice how agitated and hostil they were and thought to bring Rung

Rung is the next and by far the most significant figure to the Career Tributes, he's the one to really sit down with them and try to help them sort their emotions and thoughts about their circumstances. He doesn't have any bias towards them or their Districts, and he does his best to let them vent and just listen to their thoughts.

District 3 and 5 would definitely be great friends with Brainstorm and Preceptor, given that both those districts have a background in technology and engineering. The tributes would love observing some of their projects and inventions. Learning how they work.

Though Preceptor and Brainstorm are careful of what they show them and what information is given. Since the last time advance technology and knowledge was left to the humans it caused a whole mess of problems.

Obviously, the District 4 tributes would get along with Rodimus with how friendly he was to the male tribute, who I named Luca Alberts.

With Rodimus being a fishing enthusiasts they swap more stories and advice on the topic. Not to meantion to Luca, Rodimus is the coolest person ever! Rex and orange and captain of his own ship he's definitely someone the 12 year old looks up too!

But Nautica, too, could be someone they like, especially with her interest in marine biology. She had always heard Earth had an interesting ecosystem within her sea. But she be disappointed to know that the tributes haven't been past the coast because the Capital doesn't allow them away too far from the mainland unless it's for specialty catches. A far cry from when humans sailed along the sea for decades. Not to meantion because of the past war and pollution a lot of species are now extinct.

The Rodimus make a promise to Luca that when things get better he let the human take him to all his favorite fishing spots. Nautica says that she wants to explore the ocean with their help.

Members of District 6 aren't the biggest fans of travel, but when it comes to the bots vehicle modes and watching them transform they are immediately interested.

To be honest I don't know what pairs to make up for 7-10, I think overall most of the Lost Light Crew are friendly to the remains tributes and try to make them as comfortable as they can. While there are some who might not be comfortable with organics, there are some who are generally interested in humans and their culture. Swerve has a huge collection of human movies and thinks it's a tragedy that none of the tributes have seen them! He schedules a daily movie night and ask Rewind to project the films for him which he doesn't too. The tributes were never really exposed to media and entertainment like movies and TV shows, things like animation are like magic to them. Most things like that were reserved for the Capital people and for most of them, they didn't have the luxury of media given their poverish backgrounds and how most had to join their Districts industry to support their families. Being with Rodimus and their crew brought a break to there mostly labor focused life. Though they still worry about their families and friends and what their rescue from the arena means for them. Rung is brought in to help them process their concerns and overall trauma concerning the Reaping and their experience before the games.

As for District 8, I've thought of them a lot! Rue would be the apple of most of the crews optics! Especially that of Tailgate and Cyclonus.

Tailgate has never seen humans outside of Swerves films and can't get over how tiny and cute they are. He doesn't make the greatest impression after the humans are allowed out of the tank and he tries to hold one, marveling how much smaller they are to him. Most of the tributes ran from him but Rue stayed and badly said how cute she thought he was!

"I'm not cute! I'm fierce! " Tailgate objected, but from then on he always hung around Rue. He showed her different parts of the ship and carried her with on his hoverboard, the halls often filled with Tailgate and Rues excited cheers.

And when you have Tailgate you get Cyclonus. While the purple mech adores Rue too, he makes sure to remind Tailgate to please be careful with her as humans are fragile creature. Though Rue often test those boundaries.

Once Cyclonus was having a conversation with Tailgate only for the minibot to burst out laughing, confused Cyclonus realized that Rue had climbed all the way to his shoulder blade without him noticing. He immediately startled and snatched Rue in his shoulders scolding her and Tailgate how dangerous that was, that Rue could have fallen or got caught in one of the jabs in his armor and crushed.

Cyclonus and Tailgate are both taken aback at how Rue gushes over what a cute couple they are!

Despite her mischievous nature, Cyclonus genuinely does like Rue and is protective of her. This even extends to her fellow tribute Thresh, these two share a stoic nature and protective streak that comes with the understanding that their strength is what keeps those close to them safe.

Thresh also finds a surprising friend in Whirl. The cyclops bot thinking that Thresh was impressive with his strength for a human is and that silent attitude of his made him extra cool. Basically, Whirl saw it as a challenge to break through Thresh shell. It started with just gruff replies to the helicopters' questions, to warning against certain actions Whirl thought would be "fun," to finally being the reluctant voice of reason to Whirls shenigans. Given Thresh's background, he probably worked hard every day from an early age to help support his sister and grandmother. His district not giving him the option to have fun or just experience his youth. Whirl is chaos incarnent, and while that can be exhausting it brings out a side of Thresh he didn't know to how much he enjoyed participating in Whirls games.

Now we get to District 12! With Katniss and Peeta!

Because of Peeta's injury he and Katniss spent some time in the medbay with Ratchet. The medical comes off as gruff and stern but Katniss can't help but respect him. He reminded her of her own mother in his quiet concentration when it came to healing others. Ratchet does his best to assist Katniss in addressing Peeta's wound and in intent at making sure the teen is well treated.

Peeta often likes to joke or try to make friendly conversation with Ratchet though he's often met with a dry rely and orders to rest instead of chattering on. Not that Peeta is detered and keeps a bright smile while under Ratchets care.

Drift is another bit that Oeeta surprisingly gets close with, given the former visits Ratchets medbay to check up on the bot and interact with the two humans who have joined him there. He likes talking with Peeta and wishes him a speedy recovery, knowing Peeta got his injury while defending a younger tribute Drift sees Peeta as honorable.

Though things get awkward when Drift mentions how sweet it was that Katniss was treating Peeta and says that they have a beautiful story. Believing that the pair were getting closer romantically because of seeing Peeta's confession on the interviews. This gets a frown from Katniss and a sheepish look from Peeta.

After his recovery, Peeta is allowed out of the medbay he makes another friend in Ten. While Ten can't voice much Peeta sees a fellow creative spirit in him when shown the mechs collection of hand made figures and the flowers he's drawn on himself.

Peeta impresses Ten by drawing items on his armor skillfully, with the enthusiasm he never had when decorating his shops cakes and cookies. Tens more than happy to share his paints with the tiny human.

Going back to Katniss, there's another bot she gets close to and that's Megatron.

At the beginning Katniss believed Megatron was the same as his past self that attempted to take over Earth. Brutal and bloodthirsty but over time her expectations of him were dismissed.

Yes, he came off as cold and standoffish, but more than anything, he was respectful to all the tributes and was observant of their needs, even the Careers who again he had threatened to vaporize.

Seeing this Katniss finally asked him why he even tried with them, his response "Because there as much victims to this system as you and the rest are"

Slowly but surely, Katniss begins to hang out in the side lines with the former tyrant. She was never one for socializing and eventually just ended up spending time with Megatron more often then not. Just silently staying in each others presence.

To her surprise one day Megatron ask her about her district, that he understands that they came from a mining background and he admits that he came from a similar industry.

This takes Katniss by surprise, she could never imagine the "Emperor of Destruction" working in dusty mine shaft. They share their lifestyle experiences, comparing the disparaging life and workload of the miners, eventually the topic drifts to Katnisses father who died in a collapse.

"It probably didn't take them long to move you all to a new hole to dig." he chuckled dryly, but at Katniss silence, he backtracks. "Apologies.... I understand your grief, I too have lost many a friend to accidents in the mines"

Megatron admits to Katniss that even before the arrival to the arena, he and the crew had observed them through their network. He saw her volunteer for her sister so she wouldn't have been taken. And despite Rodimus's intervention, she very well could have saved her from death. He tells her she's an admirable human and sister.

Katniss might tear up and ask if she'll ever see her family or Earth again.

"I promise to do everything in my power to help you and the rest of the humans return safely home one day"

There's another bit on board that also seems to gravitate to Katniss, with how close she's getting to Megatron its no wonder that Ravage takes an interest in her.

Ravage at first makes Katniss and the other tributes nervous, being seen as a large wild animal at first. Startling them as he actually speaks.

But as he starts to wander near Katniss more Peeta starts to joke that Ravage is possibly mistaking her for "catnip" instead of Katniss, the girl is not amused.

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transmascrage · 2 years

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Radfems and TERFs have a skewed sense of how morality works, and it naturally leads to racist, antisemitic, and ableist beliefs (TW for discussion of antisemitism in particular).

Radfem ideology creates a sense of "sisterhood" around having the same genitalia but at the same time rejects anyone who looks different externally.

I've seen a lot of radfems and TERFs attack trans men and go straight for their looks, stuff like (verbatim) "Why do TIFs all have a moon face and goofy-ass glasses?" or all those memes of how trans people supposedly look (dyed hair, fat, pattern baldness, patchy beard, ugly clothes, you get the idea).

And of course, they do this with, and mostly, towards transfems.

The radfem idea is that men are ugly and evil, and women are beautiful and good.

When someone breaks that mold by being, for example, an ugly woman (in their eyes of course) they assume she's trans. She must be, only men are ugly!

But then they'll also attack transmascs because we're making ourselves ugly. When they say testosterone is poisoning us, they mean our thoughts but also our pure bodies, making us ugly.

I think it's safe to say that radfems attach morality to beauty, just like old movies and stories and fairytales where the main character is a beautiful girl and the villain is an ugly old person.

(Those were also the movies that made their characters antisemitic caricatures by giving them big noses and a lust for gold and a tendency to conspire. Coincidence?

Maybe...

but I wouldn't be surprised if some trans Jewish people got antisemitic comments from TERFs...ahem ahem)

Regardless, this is a very childish way of looking at people. Ugly=evil and beautiful=good. (which, surprise surprise, is also part of a lot of oppression systems in terms of appearances, like antisemitism, racism, and ableism!)

But also anyone who looks ugly must be my enemy and my people are all beautiful and pure...sound familiar? God, it makes me sick how much they're like Nazis.

I don't think anyone is surprised that terfs and radfems are superficial people, it's a pretty simple thing to spot.

But the fact that they really reason like the movie Barbie Princess and the Pauper where Barbie=pretty and good and the bad guy=ugly and bad really puts in perspective how delusional they are.

Back to my original point, radfems and terfs try to push a sense of "we're all this together because we all have a uterus so you should stand with us against men who have the Evil Penis" but in reality have the same logic as middle school bullies who'll pick on your looks first thing.

#lgbtq #lgbtq community #transmasc #transandrophobia #transmisoginy #transunitism #tw terfs #tw radfems #tw antisemitism #terfascism

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j-vin · 1 year

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Hi Jay,

I've recently replied on some of your posts & I wanted to express that I respect your effort to try to understand the concern on both sides. I imagine that you've gotten a lot of hate which you do not deserve.

If you are interested in learning more about radical feminism I recommend reading books but if you want a blog to look at radically aligned's one has a good faq.

As a radfem, I hope you know that we do not hate you for being trans. We want to help you but we see a different solution to gender dysphoria - one without all the risk and side effects. We want gender gone and the recognition that sex does not tell you about personality.

I know that message may seem contradictory with what you have seen of radfem activity but I encourage you to read theory for yourself.

We see misogyny as sex-based (e.g. abortion bans effect AFABs and not AMABs) and gender as a tool of that oppression. The radical means "to the root" as we aim to examine the root of sexism and change the system.

Best of luck to you.

Hello dear anon,

I'm really thankful to you for your time on reading my posts. And also, I'm really happy that there are people appreciating my views and sending me this type of messages! And yes, I also got hate (mostly from radfems, actually) and I didn't really understand why, but I love that you are empathic enough to think about this, too! <3

Again, I really appreciate that you give your time away to recommand me books and stuff, and I actually really wanna know you (meaning radical feminists in general), but I don't really have time of doing it (also, my English isn't very advanced, as you see, and I know there will be pretty formal and complicated language). But thank you anyway! :)

I made a poll some weeks ago, and the results showed me that most radfems are not hating on us (which was pretty surprising, ngl. After the posts some of them make, I was expecting somethings else, but anyway). I appreciate your willing to help trans people, but trying to convince them that they are cis (their gender identity macthes with their sex) is not the best thing to do to help them. One of the terrible ways a person could change someone's sexuality or gender identity is by s3xual abu5e, which I don't think it's what you want. The best way you could help a trans person isn't by encoureging them to transition. Giving basic respect and mental support would be what we want!

Also, gender isn't based only on personality traits, stereotypes and gender norms. The main effect gender dysphoria gives is discomfort with your body and biological sex. Pretty tought experience to explain in words :) . As a person who suffered i puberty of it, too, I got to say that I didn't feel comfortable with my public identity (meaning how others call or consider me and the proununs they use to reffer to me). But yeah, trans people are different with different experiences, and, as for example a man usually ears masculine clothes, this applies to transmen too!

I understand why "terfs" find gender ideology mysogynistic, but I justed wanted you to know that if being trangender was a choice, the trans community would be way smaller. I appreciate radfems' intention and I really wish gender and sex superiority to stop, but I don't think posting the kind of transphobic things they post would be the solution. But yeah, I'm not gonna tell people what to do or what to post (as long as it's not too offensive). I just think we should be more respectful to eachother and that's it!

I'm sorry for the way too long answer and the bad grammar. Thank you for your time and patience! Have a nice day! <3

#trans #transgender #radfem #radical feminist #gender superiority #transphobia #anon #anonymous #ask

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veronicav11 · 1 year

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good or bad (human nature)

Recently I’ve been asking myself question ,,Are we- humans good or bad from nature” and firstly I want to highlight the fact that it all depends on how you define humanity, morality the bad and the good.

Some people define humanity as our self preservation instinct, but I might dissagree, because our self preservation instinct makes us nothing more than another animal species. But humanity is something we cannot connect with a bird or a lion, it’s something that differentiates us.

To my mind humanity is the part of our nature that let’s us feel, be sensitive to our surroundings, see the beauty and admire it with our souls, it’s the conscience.

Morality to me is the ability to do something bad or good in a state of full awareness, without a higher reason, excuse.

From my definition of humanity it results that a sociopath/psychopath is connected to ones own humanity at a very low level, or completly disconnected.

A psychopath doesn’t have to shift his focus on a higher aim, higher value, to push themselves to commit a crime, he can do it in a state of full awarness, at least his individual full state of awarness.

I reckon that the more a human being has to distract themselves from their crime, the more humanity there is in them, humans always tried to find something they could draw their attention to, so they loose consciousness of their human self, the situation they create. And as a paradox we created excuses ourselves coming with our moral system, social mechanism, rules that were supposed to make our world safe. Most common crime excuses happen to be money, social status, political reasons, territory conflicts, these are the things that distract a human, a human in indigence feels stuck and overwhelmed with his own misery, as an example I will recall Raskolnikov from ,,Crime and prejustice”. The men’s reality was oppressive and fuggy, he lived in a beggarly city, he himself was a picture of poverty, dirty battered clothes, drunk walk. His surroundings overwhelmed him to the point where he feel uncontrolled hatred to another human beings, feel disgusted by everything, containing himself. His motive to murder was the need for money, so he did it. But since he was a human, he had to distract himself, he made killing her into a systematic plan, so he could detach his emotions. After his crime he still wasn’t able to face it, he avoided the word crime, because of the menace of facing the reality. A motive is a distraction from the reality. The stronger motive a person needs to commit the crime the more humanity there is in them. You can focus on a part of the outside world like money, but you can also shift your sensitiveness to a spot in your own mind, you can strongly and unhealthily focus on your love to another person or yourself, to the point where you are assesseing reality through the prism of this one restricted value, which leads to dillusion. Love can be blind they say and any other emotion can be if we focus on it too much, for example if you focus on how hurt you are by someone you see them throught the prism of a predator, you are blind to their good sides, sometimes even to the fact that they are still another human being. We are able to blind ourselves by our strong feelings, and since it distances us from the humanity, we once again are more apt of commiting a crime. The more a human is faced with his situation the more he is connected to his humanity, so if one has to focus on everything outside of reality to commit a crime, there is only one conclusion I come to.

On the whole, I am surprised by the outcome of my advisement, but also happy with it, because it’s not as nihilistic as I expected it to be. To my mind humans are good from nature, it’s mostly built on the definition of humanity I have.If I considered human nature as just animal nature, then my conclusion wouldn’t be as positive.

#philisophy #humannature #thoughts

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chessdaze · 3 years

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@khoc-week ⭐ Day 1 - 8/1

◾ Reference Sheet

I actually drew one for Sid last year but I decided to update it. His design overall hasn’t changed it’s mostly my style that has - and the quality of my work so I’m glad I was able to redo him for this year. I really want people to get to know him properly this time.

I’ll repost the original world lore and his background below, but I also want to answer the prompt question In character so here’s that:

◾ How would your character describe themselves?

“Eh, what kinda question is that?” Sid raises an eyebrow, but it’s barely noticeable over his large round sunglasses. “I dunno, smart, stubborn, and uhhhh tough?” There’s a pause. “I was one o’ the only kids t’ even go t’ school back in the city, and Helio and Mari never fuckin’ give me a moment t’ breathe without telling me o’ my stubbornness. As for tough, well, the muscles ain’t for show, I guess.”

“What ya askin’ me this for anyhow? I got work t’ be doin’, these houses won’t build themselves.”

Now for world info and sid’s bio:

the world trapped in a desert

The Basics

Cindergate is a city that has seemingly seen disasters, parts of the city are being rebuilt and other parts completely abandoned and falling apart. It’s cut off from the vast desert around it by a large, also crumbling, gate. The city has a mix of technology, though seems to shun anything too ‘high tech’.

The city has a population of tough individuals who know how to survive in harsh conditions. Most of the population in this world are human, with occasional animals who can also survive the harsh sun and heat. These people are ruled over by one family - who govern and help make and enforce laws. Because of this the head of the family is often referred to as ‘sheriff’. The family keeps laws strict in the town. There is one law in particular that the sheriff is always eager to punish those for breaking-

The Keyblade Wielder Ban

The people of Cindergate are aware of the keyblade, heartless, the worlds, etc - however they consider Keyblade wielders evil, no matter who they are or what their motivations may be. They believe that the wielders are dragging darkness into the world and are the reason so many heartless live in the desert that surrounds the city. The city has to constantly beat the heartless back, and are the reason why a good portion of the city has been abandoned or is always needing to be rebuilt.

It has been the tradition of the world for a while that if a wielder is found, they are to be branded as a traitor to the city - both metaphorically and literally. After a trial to determine if someone is a wielder or not - they are branded with a mark in the shape of a keyhole. Then they are dragged through the city and out to the gates that surround it. The wielders are then exiled, pushed out to the near lifeless desert. The people of the city will often attack them with weapons or throw objects at them to make sure they don’t try to run back into the city. They consider the wielders ‘sacrifices’ to the heartless to keep them at bay.

At times the heartless in the desert will get the better of the wielders with no training. Those who manage to survive their first day and night have the chance to come across a safehaven made by wielders in the reaches of the desert and on the edges of a canyon.

Landscape.

The city is the mix of a steampunk and wild west setting. There are some technology around the city but it’s big, clunky, and steam or coal powered. The part of the city that has been abandoned has a chance of heartless sneaking in, and so there are people here who patrol at night on occasion but besides that at times kids sneak into the area to play - but it’s strictly forbidden to do so and they will be punished if they do.

The desert surrounding the city is vast and nearly lifeless. Aside from the heartless, there are few plants and animals that live there.

Past the nearly lifeless desert is an area of plateaus and canyons. Within this area those who have been exiled from the city attempt to make a living. They find items that the people of cindergate ‘sacrifice’ to the heartless, (pieces of machinery, cloth, food, etc) and try to repurpose it for their own needs. There’s a bit more life in this area, but not much in terms of subsistence.

The Survivors

The wielders and those who were exiled with them (family members who hid them, other accomplices, and even people who were falsely convicted of being a wielder) have been managing to survive so far, though it’s a constant struggle. They’ve made houses out of spare pieces of wood, tarp, scrap metal, and hide themselves in as much shade as they possibly can.

Some practice with their keyblades in order to get a handle on their abilities and fight off heartless that come near the safe haven. Others completely shun the fact that they can use a keyblade and refuse to wield it. Those who are not wielders try to contribute by making food or volunteering for other odd jobs. There are also wielders dedicated to finding a way off world.

AND NOW THAT THAT’S OUT OF THE WAY -

Sid’s about:

Born to the ruling family of Cindergate, Sid had everything handed to him on a silver platter. And he hated it. He couldn’t wrap his head around the strict rules of the town or the terrible court system. Any time he would try to speak up on this though was met with punishment from his parents. So he decided to bide his time, becoming their perfect ‘puppet’ so that he could become the leader one day and change things for the better.

While still considered a bit of a rebel, his parents at least ‘admired his change of heart’ and let him walk around Cindergate freely. While growing up he made two friends - a girl name Mari and a boy named Helio. The three of them were practically inseparable, they were some of the only ones that didn’t care who Sid was related to. He could be himself around them, and so he vowed to keep them safe most out of everyone in the town.

Mari revealed to the boys one day that she was a keyblade wielder - which was a terrible discovery. Keyblade Wielders were banned from Cindergate and it she was found to be a wielder she would be arrested, branded, and exiled to the harsh desert that surrounded the town. The desert that was filled with heartless. At the same time Helio revealed himself to be a wielder as well - having been one of the longest out of all of them, since he was a child. He knew better than anyone what would happen to wielders who got caught as his mother had been cast out when he was a child. Sid promised that he wouldn’t let them get caught and that he would lift the ban, they just needed to keep their keyblades hidden until he became the leader of the town.

This was easier said than done, especially since Sid would come to be a wielder as well. An old friend of his family invited Sid to his deathbed. This old man revealed how close Sid’s father and him used to be, and how they had a dream to make Cindergate a thriving place. But Sid’s father had done nothing more than oppress the people and make the ban more strict than it needed to be. So the old man had a solution - to pass on the power of the keyblade to Sid. He had kept it hidden all of his life, hoping that one day Sid’s father would change his mind on the ban - but he never did. In his last moments he forced Sid to take the power of the keyblade from him, saying it was Sid’s responsibility now, before passing.

Sid was terrified and furious with the power he had been given. Yes, he had been wanting to make CinderGate a better place for wielders and non wielders alike but - he didn’t want it to be like this. Still, he wasn’t about to let the opportunity slip through his fingers. He told his friends of his new found gift and worked to become even more like the 'perfect’ leader his parents wanted him to be, just so he could take over quicker and get the stupid ban taken down.

Not long after this, Helio and Mari were caught for being keyblade wielders. Sid stood up to his parents to try and get them to see reason. When they still wouldn’t listen he revealed himself as a wielder in front of the whole town - saying if they were going to throw out his friends they would have to throw out him as well.

And they did, but not before branding him as a traitor - literally. They burned the keyhole shaped brand onto the side of his face before exiling him,Helio, and Mari out of the town. The three ran until they couldn’t anymore, fought off heartless, then collapsed with laughter - surprised but grateful they were still alive.

A while longer of traveling lead them to a survivor camp. Other people like them who had been exiled from Cindergate. It wasn’t much, but it became home for the three wielders. Sid took it upon himself to improve the day to day lives of the survivors by building various machines and other contraptions to make life easier for them. But still, it wasn’t enough. Thanks to his parents hoard of keyblade wielder knowledge (because how else were they supposed to fight off such a 'threat’ without an entire library full of knowledge?), he knew of other worlds and he knew that the keyblade could get them there. He just wasn’t sure how to unlock the power. None of the survivors were masters by any means, some of them didn’t even have a keyblade - and were friends or family of wielders exiled or falsely accused and wanted nothing to do with the keyblade.

Sid, taking another burden onto his shoulders, did the only thing he could think he could accomplish - he made himself and his two friends keyblade armor. He hoped that with the armor they could brave the passages in between worlds and find a way to get all the survivors to a new home.

#khocweek #khocweek2021 #khoc #kingdom hearts #kingdom hearts oc #kingdom hearts original world #kh original world #cindergate #sid

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neni-has-ascended · 5 years

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Persona 4 Fanfic: “You Wouldn’t Expect” [Commissioned by spiralstorm]

Characters: Teddie, Labrys

Type: Romance

Description: Teddie takes Labrys out to the beach.

Read on Fanfic.net: HERE

Read on Ao3: HERE

Author’s Note:

A commission piece. Since I personally love this pairing to bits, I had a lot of fun writing it, though it took me a lot longer than anticipated... Mostly because I had trouble deciding what to do with the requested setting.

If you want to commission me as well for art, writing or translation, please check click here.

I also have a tip-jar.

Most people considered him an extrovert. Most people thought of him as a person who was incapable of taking anything serious, regardless of the situation. Most people had trouble imagining him with anything resembling a sense of shame. Most people would also assume that such a shameless, unserious extrovert would not experience any sort of anxiety going to a social outing they, themself, had suggested and set up in the first place.

Most people were wrong.

There Teddie stood, drenched in a mixture of sweat and some overprized body spray he’d snuck from the hygienics department (on Yosuke’s tab). His bike stood angled and leaned against the wall right next to him. Ever since the incident with the pine tree and the rubber tape he wasn’t allowed to use the rollerblades anymore, so fixing up Yosuke’s old ride was his only way to get out here on his own. Probably a good idea anyway; he was well aware of the enticing properties these fabled ‘rides’ were supposed to have on cute girls. Though, didn’t the bikes he’d seen in Yosuke’s magazines look quite a bit different from that bicycle next to him? Not to worry unnecessarily, but this distinct aura of lameness he could feel radiating off the beat-up thing now that he wasn’t on it seemed a bit… troubling.

Ah! Focus, focus! Teddie clapped his hands onto his face and took a deep breath. Now was not the time to lose his nerves! Not here, not today! No, not when this was the moment, the one, his irreplaceable and very special, very first… date.

His breath stopped even just thinking the words. M-Maybe the air was just especially thin today? Who would be surprised, geez, with how unbearably hot and humid it was, good thing he hadn’t come in his beautiful fur, all the moisture would just have ruined his shine, but now his poor head-hair had to deal with these conditions, and his skin was all wet and his foundation was dripping, and his clothes were wrinkled, and the flowers were wilting, and he couldn’t stop biting his lip-

“Hey. Sorry, did I make ya wait?”

-He snapped to attention and froze up like a popsicle in a straight jacket.

Without him realizing, he’d been approached by a slender figure dressed in a light, flowing summer dress, a pale-yellow ribbon holding her long, azure hair together in a ponytail. Fuuka had really done amazing work in restoring those cloaking features. If he hadn’t known better, Teddie would have assumed it was a regular human girl that had just greeted him so kindly. However, he was sure that the face and voice he saw and heard could only belong to one person in this big world.

“O-O-Ohhhh~~!! L-Labby-chan!!”

He could force melodic inflections into his words all he wanted; it didn’t keep him from stuttering. He found it so hard to not stumble over his words whenever Labrys was around. This, too, he wanted to blame on the infernal heat today. It dried up his tongue and made it so hard to articulate! Yes, that was what was going on here, clearly, without doubt.

“‘You okay, Ted? You lookin’ kinda frazzled.” Labrys’ head tilted slightly as she spoke. Oh no, now the hot weather had gotten her worried for him, too! Not that he minded being cared for, of course, but… No, no! Today was not a day to be anxious and worried. Not for him, and definitely not for her! With a hearty shake of his head, Teddie tried to throw off the many oppressive feelings weighing down on his poor little head and laughed.

“Oh no, mon ami, what are you talking about? I’m doing just bearfectly fine! Especially now that I am in such stunning company~!”

“…If ya say so.”

She rolled her eyes a little, giving a slight sigh. While Labrys wasn’t necessarily the best people-reader, she did consider herself fairly perceptive, and the fact that Teddie right now didn’t appear to be at the height of tranquility was obvious to everyone but himself. Then again, hyperactivity was barely out of the norm for the little guy, now, was it? Giving Teddie a gentle pat on the head, Labrys began to scan the area around them a little.

“Whoa, it sure is packed. You sure it was a good idea to come today? Maybe we shoulda rescheduled, huh…”

The doubt in Labrys’ voice was like a lightning strike to Teddie’s motors, and at once he was bouncing along eagerly in front of the young gynoid lady, shaking his head in utmost denial.

“Nonsense! Don’t you know that getting lost in the crowd is part of the charm of this kind of event? Walking down the beach together, hand in hand, in a sea of blissful couples, gazing at the night sky above, and then--!”

“I… I was kinda hoping we’d be going for a swim.”

That sentence killed the scenario in Teddie’s head quicker than Yukiko could kill a man’s self-esteem. Labrys continued talking, her hands tugged away behind her back as she considered her surroundings. When had she ever found herself stood in a large gathering like this before?

“Y’know, since that whole Beach Party thing we were talkin’ about in spring didn’t end up happening yet, ‘cause everyone got busy, when you said we were meeting at Shichiri Beach, I just kinda… assumed.”

His face went through at least 5 different emotions upon the realization that whatever miscommunication he had allowed to happen had caused Labrys to come here with wildly different expectation from him. Teddie eventually settled on a boisterous laugh that came out more awkward than intended, trying to right the wrongs of what he had suggested.

“Ah… AHAHAHA! Of course, of course!! Swimming, at the beach, what beautiful maiden wouldn’t want to swim at the beach, it’s bathing suit time after all!! Summer, sun, pin-up poses! Never you fear, I always carry an emergency bikini just for cases like this, right on my-“

“…Going swimmin’ in a crowd like this would kinda blow my cover. My cloaking device can’t project into water, y’know.”

“-Oh.”

Well, that was quite unfortunate. And though she tried to hide it, a certain sense of disappointment on Labrys’ face couldn’t be denied. Teddie, for some reason, felt put on the spot by this. Embearrassed, even. And there he’d been mapping out this whole, unforgettable evening in his head already. What a debacle.

“Em… Should we…” he didn’t mean to, but he ended up having his head sink in between his shoulders on him. “Should we go home?”

Fast, unusually quiet and short was how Teddie’s question came out sounding. Still, Labrys seemed calm.

“Nah, let’s stay. It’s sorta my own fault for not researching the event before sayin’ I’d come. ‘Sides, I’ve never been to a ‘festival’ before. Maybe it’s gonna be fun.”

Teddie’s enthusiasm was restored.

“Of COURSE it will be fun! You’ll love it! We’ll buy snackies and weird thingie-dings, and write wishes on tiny sheets of paper, and catch goldfish and watch the fireworks and the stars…”

A young, gold-blond boy was excitedly jumping around in front of his azure-haired friend, continuing his descriptions in such a manner that it was hard to believe he was ever going to stop. Labrys chuckled. As nervous as it made her to be around these many strangers, as long as she had Teddie just being Teddie, she knew all was still right in the world. She took a deep breath of salty beach air mixed with the scent of fried meat and Takoyaki and looked out to the festival site stretching out before them.

“Shichiri-Tanabata Festival, huh.” she mumbled to herself. “Let’s see…”

★

Teddie hurried to drag Labrys along to every little point of attraction that grabbed his attention, his excitement unbroken even as the hours marched along. Calling his way of selecting the booths they’d spend their time at ‘erratic’ would have been flattery. In a hurry he jetted from one site to another, from a saleswoman selling star-themed charms to an ice cream stand, to a pair of performers, to a fishing game, to a stand selling cold drinks, and so on. It definitely helped that Labrys didn’t mind his guidance, much to the contrary. She was glad to have something resembling a line to navigate along this chaotic gathering of people, whose countless voices constantly threatened to overload her sensors. Her 5th generation hardware simply wasn’t optimized for complex social situations like this one. Following Teddie’s lead and focusing on his voice helped drowning out the noise. Holding his hand to not lose track of him kept her from getting distracted. Eventually, she found herself sitting by a table put up next to a little tree with lots and lots of colorful papers hung on it, sipping from a plastic cup of iced tea (her systems could handle tasting and excreting liquids; it was only solid foods that caused problems.)

“There sure is a lot to do here,” she said with a sigh, gazing at the mass of people she’d been walking through all afternoon and wondering how she’d survived it. She turned to Teddie. “You’ve been to a festival before, haven’cha?”

“Yes, but never to this one,” Teddie admitted, still a bit flushed from the excitement of all the games they’d been playing. “The one in everyone’s town is very different from here. It’s a lot smaller and a lot less romantic. This one here makes me feel like I’m being swept off my feet!”

“Hm…” Sip, sip, sip, Labrys worked her way through her drink, considering Teddie’s statement. For someone who had never been to this festival either, he sure seemed to sure his way around. There was a lot she could learn from him, especially considering that he hadn’t been living in this world for that much longer than her. It probably paid to be as wide-eyed curious as him when it came to this sort of thing. It was then that a small stack of tourist brochures on the table next to them caught Labrys’ attention. She reached out, took one and began to read it. Of course, Teddie looked over her shoulder.

“Ohhh, English! Fancy.”

“It’s frickin’ broken as heck tho,” Labrys frowned at the grammatical mess before her eyes.

“You speak English, Labby-chan?”

“Came pre-installed with ‘nuff to read most of it. Can’t exactly speak it tho. Well, not withoutta soundin’ like an, um, y’know. Robot.”

It took Labrys some mental effort to stop her language processing programs from going bonkers trying to deal with the monstrosity presented to them. Eventually, however, she had processed the text enough to read out some of it.

“Tanabata, also known as the Star Festival, originates from the Chinese Qixi Festival. It celebrates the meeting of the stars Vega and Altair, who’re thought to be embodied by the deities Orihime, the Celestial Weaver, and Hikoboshi, the Celestial Cowherd. According to legend, the two lovers were forbidden from meeting by the Sky King, who thought their relationship prevented them from performing their duties. Only once a year, when their stars meet on the 7th day of the 7th month, the two can meet, and it is said that wishes written down and bound to bamboo or branches on this day will come true.”

“Ohhhhh, that’s so romantic!!” Teddie almost squeaked hearing the story, making wide eyes at the paper in Labrys hands. She laughed.

“Sure, you’d like that. You’re into mushy stuff like that, aren’cha?”

“Hm. It would be even better if Ori-chan and Bosshy got to meet whenever they want,” Teddie declared after taking a few seconds to process the story. “I mean, it’s so sad! I thought true love was supposed to be forebear! Not giving them a happy ending when all the other fairytales get one just screams of discrimination, if you ask me! They should complain to the management!”

Somewhere halfway through Teddie’s critique had stopped making logical sense, but Labrys didn’t mind that. She’d expected as much. In fact, she kinda found it cute. She ruffled his hair.

“It’s probably a really old story, ya know. I reckon’ by now they’ve long got it worked out,” she suggested. “Like, maybe they quit their jobs and moved in together? That’s what I think woulda made sense, at least.”

“Mhm…” Teddie replied surprisingly half-heartedly as Labrys stroked his hair. Lowering his head, he mumbled. “If it were me, I’d do everything, so-“

“Hm?” Labrys tilted her head. Teddie’s voice had been too low for her to pick up all of what he’d said. However, he wouldn’t repeat the words. Instead, he swung his legs and leapt up from the bench the two of them were sitting on.

“Aaaaaalright! Where shall we go next, milady!?”

A 180° turn to the tree next to their table gave Teddie his answer.

“Oh, I know! Let’s write some wishes!”

★

It wasn’t Teddie’s first time writing wishes on Tanzaku paper. He’d done it the year before with Yosuke’s family, though then he hadn’t known the legend. However, it was Labrys’ first time, and she was struggling a little. To her it felt awkward trying to put any wishes she might have into words, especially knowing how many people there were around that could possibly be looking over her shoulder. The fact that Teddie kept loudly vocalizing every single thing he wrote down, proudly announcing his wishes to the world (he was up to tying his 10th Tanzaku to the tree now) didn’t help. Just how was it so easy for him to come up all these things to say? Maybe she just ought to stop thinking and just write down the first thing that came to her?

Eventually Labrys found a wish and wording she was happy with and put it on the paper in neat, clean handwriting, tying a perfectly symmetrical bow as she hung it to the branch. Yeah, this was okay. It reflected her hopes for the future, and she didn’t feel weird about the fact that someone else might read it. She was satisfied.

“Oookay!!”

Hands on hips, Teddie looked over his army of 27 Tanzaku Papers merrily fluttering on the tree, Labrys’ sole wish mixed right in with them. He seemed proud of the image, miming the hand-gestures of a photographer looking for the perfect shot again and again, though never actually taking a picture of the scene. The one to really take a photo was Labrys. The way Teddie was hopping around in front of that tree was just too cute.

“Careful, ya gonna tear ‘em down with all the wind you’re makin’ wavin’ ya arms ‘round,” she laughed.

“Wind? My lady, I will have you know, this is no orbearnary wind I’m kicking up here! It’s the cosmic shock-wave that will carry our wishes to the heavens! HMMMMMMM!” And he threw his finger up in the air and struck a pose, yelling. “ORI-CHAAAN! DID YOU GET ALL OF THIS!?”

Teddie’s display of unabashed confidence drew the attention of bystanders. A pair of college age girls could be heard chatting.

“Whoa, that kid’s Japanese is pretty good… And he’s kinda cute, too, isn’t he? Hee hee.”

“Careful what you say, I think he came with his big sister. You see that foreign-looking girl next to him?”

“Whoa, she’s pretty good-looking as well, check out that figure! How come foreigners get to have all those curves, huh?”

“Calm down, you’ll bother them. Hey, let’s move on, alright?” The girl took her friend by the hand and walked away, though she could still be heard adding. “It sure is nice, seeing that some siblings don’t feel like they need to ‘grow out of’ being cute together…”

Labrys and Teddie waited until the college girls were out of earshot. Then, they turned to each other, a little stunned.

“…Big sister?” Teddie asked, tilting his head a little. “Whatever did she mean by that?”

Labrys shrugged. “I guess we looked like siblings to them?”

“Oh, sort of like how Yosuke always says that all foreigners look ‘the same’? Geez, how rude!”

He didn’t look offended at all.

“We ain’t really foreigners though,” Labrys pointed out.

“So, we look the same to them because we’re both not human? Hmm, people are weeeird sometimes.”

“Yeah, can’t argue with that…”

“I mean…” Teddie put his fingers on his chin pondering. “It’s not like we should come across like siblings! After all, you are my fair Princess! And I am your Royal Knight, Sir Teddie, coming to your aid in shining armor.”

“Well, I dunno a lotta stuff ‘bout knights. But some of them were princes, right?” Labrys said. “And a prince can be a princess’ brother, I think.”

“Wha—No, no, no! None! That’s not it at all!” Teddie stomped one of his feet in the sand a little, not hard, just enough to kick up a dramatic dust cloud. “I mean… I maaaay be quite princely in just bearly all aspects, but! That’s not the nature of our relationship at all!”

“I mean. Yeah.” Labrys didn’t know what there was to get dramatic about, but on a purely factual level, she had to agree. “I do got some siblings, but last I checked, you weren’t one.”

“Right!?” Teddie seemed vindicated by that statement. He crossed his arms. “And… And anyway! If anything, I’d definitely be the older brother!”

At that, Labrys could only snort. “Really?”

“But, of course! In fact, ever since Sensei has gone back to the big city, I’ve done my beary best to stuff that sad, bro-shaped hole in Nana-chan’s life,” he told her. It’s not like I could ‘replace’ Sensei. Not even moi could ever do that. But! I’ve been visiting her lots and lots! We’ve been going shopping and watching TV and playing in the park and making music…”

Teddie’s mood went from high-strung to almost tranquil as he talked. His face visibly relaxed.

“Actually, you know, I wanted to bring Nana-chan here too! But… She was busy with school today, so she couldn’t come.”

“Why didn’t you just call me to reschedule then?” Labrys asked curious. “I wouldn’t of minded comin’ a day later so we can bring her, y’know.”

“No, it’s okay.” Teddie shook his head. “I’ll come with her another time! Besides… I thought it might be nice to come, maybe… just with you.”

Labrys accepted that statement, though she wasn’t quite sure what he meant by it. Generally, she found him rather unreadable at the moment. His expression, the way he didn’t really look at her but more at the ground behind her, that slightly pink tinge on his cheeks… Was he okay? If he was human, she would have guessed that he was showing early signs of a fever, but…

“Hey, hey, Labby-chan, look, over there! I wanna try that!”

And thus ended a brief, quiet moment.

The ‘that’ Teddie was referring to turned out to be a large stretch on the beach without booths, where people were currently gathering to perform some sort of folk-dance. Onlookers were evidently allowed to join in. Labrys was hesitant, after all, who’d ever heard of a dancing combat device? However, it didn’t take much coaxing for Teddie to get her to join. Despite their exotic appearances the two of them didn’t stand out among the dancers nearly as much as they could have. The crowd was diverse, some people having come in Yukata, while others were in casual clothing like Labrys and Teddie. There were even a few westerners, probably tourists, mixed into the bunch. Chaotic as it was, nobody noticed how many steps the two of them missed in their attempts to follow the shrine priestess and middle-aged man leading the dance. It was all in good fun. Some parts of the dance were performed in pairs and these were the parts that made Labrys most nervous. The idea of having to synchronize with the moves of a total stranger in order to not disrupt the event sent her logic circuits into disarray. However, Teddie kept close to her and immediately paired up with her whenever he heard the musical cue to, and though Labrys knew he probably had his own reasons for doing so, she was thankful. ‘He’s always been pretty clingy around girls, huh?’ she thought to herself. ‘Well, I’m glad he’s having fun.’ It was only fairly late into the song that it occurred to Labrys how many other good-looking girls her own age actually were in the crowd of dancers. Yet, throughout the entire song, Teddie hadn’t strayed from her side even once. When she realized that fact, Labrys fell silent.

“…”

“Labby-chan, what’s wrong? The music isn’t over yet.”

“Wha—O-Oh right.”

Labrys had been so lost in her thoughts, she’d stopped dancing on the spot. Now it was just Teddie and her standing still in the mass of dancers, small wrinkles forming on his forehead as he looked at her in worry.

“Are you tired? Should we take a break?”

“…Yeah, maybe. Thanks.”

Holding her hand gently, as if taking extra care to not hurt her, he led her to the edge of the beach’s waters, a little off from all the music and commotion. It was here, where the crowd was thinner and the noise less prevalent that, for the first time, Labrys could take a moment to breathe and process the events of the day so far. Her sensors registered a high content of sodium-chloride in water vapor in the air… Sea salt. A nice scent. In the distance the sun had begun to set, dyeing the sky and ocean in a dazzling red color. Carefully, Labrys stretched out the bottom parts of her legs to let the waves splash them a little. What appeared to be her ‘feet’ wasn’t real, of course, those parts of her body were a pure projection of her cloaking device, but it still was nice to pretend.

Watching Labrys stretch her legs out to the water like that, Teddie began to pout a little. He buried his face between his legs. “I’m sorry I didn’t take you swimming. You’re probably beary disappointed still.”

Labrys laughed at that. “What’cha even talking about? Today’s been great! I’ve been havin’ a blast.”

“O-Oh!” Surprised, Teddie looked up. “I was just thinking… You’ve been looking so nervous ever since we’ve come here, so maybe you weren’t actually having any fun.”

“Mhm… I’ve never really been ‘round this many people before. So, it’s a tad strange still, ya know?” Labrys admitted. “But a gal’s gotta get out sometime, right? I’m thinkin’, I wanna make friends that ain’t Persona Users too, some time. So, I’d better get used to seein’ more people around like this... You’ve already got that part of livin’ down to a tee, don’cha?”

Labrys grinned at Teddie as she said that, which he visibly took as permission to feel pride. Wearing her statement as a badge of honor, he puffed up his chest a little.

“Weeeell, if you ever need anybody to show you how to bring ALL the hot studs in town to the yard, you can come to me! I’ll be your wise and powerful mentor in the art of socialization and bearing it all to the world!”

“I’m sure ya will,” Labrys pet his hair a bit, partly to get him to dismount that high horse of his for a while. “Look. The stars are comin’ up.”

★

As the day drew to a close, the scene was lit by lights, both around and above them, all reflecting colorfully in the ocean before them. Labrys and Teddie spent the time talking, about themselves, the time they’d known each other, their friends. There was so much to say, the minutes seemed to pass much too quickly, and by the time Labrys had googled and pointed out the locations of Vega and Altair in the sky to Teddie, the festivalgoers had gathered around where they were sitting to gaze up at the stars as well. The fireworks began.

They were were even prettier than the last time Teddie had seen them, painting the sky in all possible colors, lights raining down above them in this pleasantly warm summer night. There were so many people around them, and – Labrys recalled – there were endlessly many more watching up to this same sky right now in this world. It was a concept hard to understand for someone who’d spent so much of her existence isolated from people, so why did she feel so at peace right now?

“I woulda never expected looking at some lights in the sky could be this beautiful,” she said quietly, almost a whisper.

“…Me neither,” Teddie said in much the same tone. And, whether he realized it or not, his hand was on top of hers.

In this moment, regardless of all the people and voices all around, it almost felt as if nobody but the two of them existed in this entire world. It was just like how, during the dance, Teddie had stayed only by Labrys’ side, like she would have never expected him to. That thought on her mind, Labrys found it easy to move closer to the boy next to her, her fingers intertwining with his, before she slowly drew him into a kiss.

“Next time, I’ll take ya out swimming,” Labrys told Teddie, breaking their lip-lock to bop his nose.

Stunned as he was, even if Teddie had had something to reply, he wouldn’t have known how to say it.

#Persona 4 #Persona 4 Arena #persona 4 ultimax #Labrys #Teddie (Persona 4)#TedRys #Neni Writes #neni does comissions

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doomedandstoned · 5 years

Photo

Closer to the End

Depression is my nemesis. Eventually it will kill me.

...if I let it.

By Billy Goate

Art by RusoTsig (@rusotsig)

Life's falling away from me. The visual evidence is all about. Unopened mail builds up at random spots around the room like mini Towers of Babel. Even things that normally give me great delight -- a recently delivered set of vinyl records -- lie undisturbed in their brown cardboard packages. Meanwhile, my email continues to multiply exponentially: 200 unanswered today, 400 tomorrow, 800 on the day after that (for the curious, the tally stands at 2,359 today). The very thought of opening my inbox makes it equivalent to walking out into open traffic, so I avoid it like the plague.

Meals have become simplified these days -- if it can't be eaten out of a package, forget about it. And all those empty wrappers? They, too, join the general disorder, decorating the landscape of my solitary hovel. Eventually, messages from friends and family go unread. Bills go unpaid (even when there are sufficient funds). The yard turns into a veritable jungle of tall grass, weeds, and sprawling bushes. Clothes go unwashed and hygiene is neglected for days at a time. Weekends are spent pouring over regrets about what might have been, brooding about the end of days.

As any doctor will confirm, these are classic symptoms of depression. What they can't tell you is how hopeless hopelessness can feel.

Karl Briullov - The Last Days of Pompeii (detail)

Black Sabbath’s final show in the Pacific Northwest. Usnea's album release party. Saint Vitus reunited with their first singer, Scott Reagers. The return of Sasquatch. Once in a lifetime small venue appearances by international bands, such as Cult of Occult. A rare hometown gig by Yob. Visits from Goya, Primitive Man, and countless others. Ceremony of Sludge. Even events with the Doomed & Stoned's own name stamped on them. All of these are things I've missed out on in the past year or two because of depression.

It's not that I was too down to even consider going. On the contrary, I was actively planning to go. I RSVP'd, bought tickets, and even checked out the camera equipment to film the shows. In most cases, I'd gotten dressed and readied, even told people to expect me, but for one reason or another I fell under the unyielding grip of depression and came up with an excuse for why I couldn't go. Then one day I just got tired of making excuses and stopped going out altogether.

In one case, I was halfway down the road on a two-hour trip to see Saint Vitus and Witch Mountain perform at Star Theater, when suddenly a wave of grief washed over me from head to spine. As soon as I spotted the nearest overpass, I exited, turned around, and returned home. Even shows I knew would be cathartic (Bell Witch playing their titular Mirror Reaper at a local watering hole) just couldn't cause me to drive a couple miles down the road. The few times I managed to go out, it was because I absolutely forced myself. I practically fought with my inner man all the way there, too -- teeth clenched, hands tightly gripping the wheel, rehearsing in my mind a myriad of reasons why I should just turn back and stay home.

For me, Alice in Chains captures the frustration perfectly in "Excuses":

Everyday it's something Hits me all so cold

Find me sittin' by myself No excuses, then I know

Depression has robbed me of so much. I've missed opportunities to collaborate with musicians and artists because of it. I've pushed away friends and family, until contact between us has become more and more scarce. I've even stopped celebrating my birthday. I have become a shadow of a man.

What's worse, there's been a new development: anhedonia. I remember only casually looking up the meaning of that word when reviewing Undersmile's album by the same name. Anhedonia basically means that you stop finding pleasure in life. As I browse through my friend's timelines, I find it difficult to relate to their happiness. I think quite often of the emptiness of it all, of being alone and growing older, and the ultimate futility of human pursuits. I often feel more of an observer than an actor in the great drama of life.

As you read all of this, bear in mind that I've managed to hold down a steady, full-time job for decades, right up to the present day. You see, some cope by drinking, others by eating, and others still chase the fleeting high of romantic love, but I found my copacetic in work (as absurd as that might sound). I’ve damn near worked myself to death over the past couple years, too, taking precious few "mental health days" or vacation. At one point, I stopped accruing paid time off, because I'd reached my limit and my boss had no choice but to mandate that I take two days off per month. Can you imagine? I’d been known to come into work on the weekend, rather than spend it alone with my thoughts. At least at work, I can stay distracted with something I feel makes some kind of difference.

I can't feel my life Makes me want to cry How bad i feel inside Like I wanna die

Destination unknown Wreckage in tow Depression grows I have no home

Lately, all I've wanted to do on the weekends is sleep. When I'm at work, I'm fine. I'm in the zone. I have purpose. Things make sense. I'm needed. When I'm home, I always have a list of to-dos, but no matter how busy I try to make myself, I find myself suffering with a lonely, aching feeling. It hurts to be alive. That's the only way I can describe it. So I go to sleep early -- and sleep and sleep and sleep -- without so much as the aid of melatonin. All I want to do is go to sleep and forget and wake up the next day and start fresh, hoping all of the oppressive feelings of darkness have left me. I'll sleep 9 hours, 10 hours, 12 hours is not unheard of, then curse when the alarm wakes me up to face the day. I haven't slept so much since I was a teenager.

At least some of my depression seems linked with sunlight. While the sun is out, I'm mostly okay. When I'm taking my meds, I feel possessed with purpose and I'm busy chipping away at a dozen assorted projects, networking with bands, record labels, and PR reps around the globe, auditing new records, editing submissions from my team, and occasionally summoning enough nerve to write an album review of my own. But when the sun sets and darkness takes hold, bathing the landscape in its sinister shadows, everything changes.

In the heart of winter, there is an existential dread that overtakes me when the sun sets. It's almost primitive. There seems to be no rational basis for feeling this way, unless we factor in some kind of code passed along in the evolutionary programming of the reptilian brain over the millennia. You know, that thing responsible for our fight or flight response -- the urge to either take a swing or get the hell out of Dodge.

Loneliness is not a phase Field of pain is where I graze

Saw my reflection and cried So little hope that I died

That cryptic note of horror hints at what happens when our coping mechanisms stop working for us. For me, it was burnout. I worked and worked and worked, and then I came home and did Doomed & Stoned in the evenings and weekends until I inevitably reached a point of absolute and total system overload.

We've seen a spate of deaths in recent years in the heavy music world stemming from depression. It seems to be the creative person's curse. Chris Cornell of Soundgarden. Linda Nygren of the Wounded Kings. Dozens more artist deaths are listed as "N/A" in Metal Archives, but you always wonder. Even an accidental drug overdose can owe its underlying cause to depression. Often it's hard to untangle addiction from the need to escape acute emotional pain.

Though it is tempting to buy into conspiracy theories linking suicide to pharmaceuticals, chemtrails, fluoride in the water, gangstalking, and covert government ops, it's important to recognize that suicide is nothing unique to our life and times. Narrowing the focus more specifically to musicians and other artistic types, we've had many historic instances of depression. Think Beethoven, Franz Liszt, and Tchaikovsky -- three people who pioneered much of the musical language that doom metal utilizes for expression. Each experienced prolonged periods of melancholia for various reasons, from physical malady and loss-fueled grief to unrequited love and the utter rejection of society. Arguably, Peter Ilyich Tchaikovsky died at his own hand.

Perhaps it won't surprise you that many of us who have an affinity for doom metal (though certainly not all) are also at risk for suicide. A recently published study by the University of Manchester found a correlation, though not a causal link, between members of "alternative subcultures" and "the risk of self-harm and suicide." There was no definite conclusion drawn from the piece, other than to point out that a problem exists (no kidding) and that more long-term studies are needed.

I've got a notion as to why heavy music draws the heavy-laden: misery loves company. We're drawn to the mysteriously compelling ability that doom has to commiserate with our feelings, from lyrics that deal so honestly with sadness to the solace of sharing a joint with those who are on a similar path.

But sometimes depression is so severe that you don't want to go out on the weekends at all, not even for your favorite band. Before I get too deep into my own story and how I'm treating my depression, some of you may wonder why I am writing this piece and have decided to share it publicly. I can assure you, I have nothing to gain from this. I'm not crying out for help (I'm too stubborn to ask for it when needed, anyway) and I'm certainly not trying to sell you on anything.

To be truthful, I've been chipping away at this piece (currently standing at 53,726 characters) for two years. I revisit it when the depression hurts the most. It acts as a kind of release valve for me and since that's at least providing some relief, I'll keep scribbling words upon this page. So before you leave thinking this was all just a self-indulgent slab of depression porn, stay tuned. There really is more to the story, including some valuable insights I'm learning about dealing constructively with my depression and its underlying causes -- physical and psychological.

To be continued...

★ Read Part II

☆ Read Part III

Here I sit writing on the paper Trying to think of words you can't ignore

See the cycle I've waited for It ain't like that anymore

#Closer To The End #Depression #Suicide #Doom #Metal #Alice in Chains #Jerry Cantrell #Doomed & Stoned

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sepiadice · 5 years

Text

Art Direction of Tabletop RPGs

Dungeons and Dragons is good at being Dungeons and Dragons.

That shouldn't be a controversial opinion, and it's not worded as one, yet I have one friend who derisively labels it as a war game, and another friend who believes D&D is all you need in regards to TRPGs. These two are from distinct eras of my life, and have never met.[1]

My moderate view is such: Dungeons and Dragons is good. It's not the ultimate system, but if you want a western fantasy built on the framework of Tolkien, Fifth Edition is the way to go. You could use a different system, in theory, but no other system has the same reach and stability. Everyone knows D&D, which is valuable.

Its combat and mechanics are a good balance of grit and function, and it's mostly teachable. My friend's 'wargaming' derision is because he believes it doesn't support role-playing well. Something about the guy who wrote Dungeon World saying if it's not in the rules, it’s not in the game.[2] But I've always felt that D&D makes the right decision in not bogging it down with structure and dictating the 'correct' way to role-play.

However, if you want to do anything else (Sci-fi, non-european fantasy, superheroes, Slice of Life), best case scenario the seams will creak in the attempt. D&D is good at being D&D, and that's the limit.

I appreciate D&D. I'll play D&D, happily!

There's a reason I bristle when “DM” is used as the generic term.

That said, I've always had a sort of tonal disconnect when I play D&D, and it's because of the art.

Fair warning, what follows is a lot of personal interpretations and vague mumbling trying to relay a point. I’m not actually an authority on anything.

(Dungeons & Dragons owned by Wizard of the Coast . Image sourced from Wikipedia)

Dungeons and Dragons does not have pretty art. It’s technically well done, and far from ugly, but it’s not actually inspiring. Above we have the cover of the Player’s Handbook, the first thing most new players see. Setting aside that the focus of the cover art for what should be the book about Player Characters is a giant monster man[4], the cover is very orange. The actual people are composed of muted, neutral colors, and the background is vague and out of focus.

It’s not really conveying an air of fantastic worlds and larger-than-life characters (giant wearing a dragon skeleton aside). It coveys oppression, monotony, and “realism”.

(Pathfidner owned by Paizo. Image sourced from Wikipedia)

Pathfinder’s core rulebook, on the other hand, is colorful. Look at that big, bright dragon![5] Sensibly dressed Fighter Man’s brown clothes are still bright enough to pop him out from the green-grey dungeon background[6], and Fantastic Sorceress’s red dress is also bright and helps frame the Fighter as her hand glows with magic.

While both covers feature a woman with an orb of magic, D&D’s cover shows magic as contained and lighting a small space, while Pathfinder’s magic is big and trailing, hinting at movement.

Actually, D&D’s mage girl doesn’t have a cohesive movement. Is she falling from above? Jumping in from the left? Where is she going? It doesn’t really follow in a meaningful way.

Anyways: color. Yes, yes, I know the plague of brown and and muted tones is a much whined about criticism, and it might seem odd from someone calling himself SepiaDice, but neutral tones have their place; usually as background and supporting other colors to pop more.

Besides, Sepia has a noble history in film, the brown range isn’t a common image color, and Sepia is fun to say.[7]

Color choice is very important. Bright colors draw the eye and make visuals more distinctive. Bright colors also denote and bring energy to things. Dull colors are used for locations meant to be calm and sedate. If you want the characters and locations to seem fun and full of life, you fill it with bright colors.

Everything breaths, adventure can strike at anytime!

Dull colors, and it’s hibernation. People are around, but they don’t seem to enjoy it.

But let’s turn to the visual storytelling: what does each cover tell you about life in their setting?

D&D: lots of posing to look fancy, but there’s no real sense of energy. Jumpy Magerson’s weird Megaman hop has been mentioned, of course. The Giant has a look of dull surprise as he drops Jumpy Magerson,[8] as he holds a sword in the non-active hand. Foreground fencer man is wide open, holding his own foil up and away from where it might accidentally jab anyone. The locations is… orange? Looks like there might be lava geysers?

Patherfinder: A dragon roars at its enemies! Teeth bared, tongue coiled, tendons on display! Wings unfurled to make it seem larger! The fighter is yelling back at the dragon, his weapons mid-swing! Shoulder forwards to defend the rest of the body! The Sorceress is holding a firm stance as she casts a spell that crackles with arcane energy!

Pathfinder’s cover tells a story of epic combat, fizzly magic, and energy. D&D’s cover tells a story of two adventurers existing in a space also occupied by a giant.

Now, both of these systems have the same ancestry, as Pathfinder is an iteration on D&D 3.5.[9] But one sparks more joy when I look at it.

But let’s do another case study. I’ll need an audience volunteer, and my brother’s the only person immediately on hand.

I’m going to make him list three qualities of goblins real quick:

Green

Wimpy

Sneaky

Awesome. Don’t know if the green text translated, but those are what he wrote. Give him a hand!

So, with those three traits in mind, let’s look at a goblin picture from D&D Beyond:

(Owned by Wizards of the Coast. Source here)

Like, you can’t say D&D doesn’t call that a goblin, it’s literally on the goblin page.

This guy is yellow. He’s built like a four foot tall WWE Wrestler. He’s defending with his advancing arm as he rears up to smack ya!

(Okay, “Sneaky” is a hard one to argue.)

Moving on, what does Pathfinder call a Goblin:

(Owned by Paizo. Source here)

Look at this charming miscreant! Green. Big ole head. Good mix of of ugly and oddly adorable. Probably two feet tall, and happens to want your two feet, please, but you could step on him if you’d like.

He also looks like a Gremlin

(An adorable little chaos monster owned by Warner Brothers. Source)

Point is, Pathfinder’s more cartoony take on the classic monster feels more in the spirit of the thing. Every time I see one of those goofy faces, I feel like I’m in for an enjoyable time.

Bringing us back around to the point of this essay: the art direction of D&D bogs down my theater of the mind. The art in the rulebooks don’t inspire creativity or fantastic visions. It inspires… dull, lifeless people walking through dirt roads flanked by dead grass.

I don’t enjoy looking at D&D’s art. Relatedly, I don’t like looking at the art of Magic: the Gathering, whose style I can’t help by see in every D&D sourcebook cover I see. Neither game invokes an inviting world, but utilitarian ones that exist to give quick, forgettable visual flair to represent mechanical card effects.

To save making this long essay even longer and unfocused, I’ll save talk of actual ‘canon’ lore for another time.[10]

So why do I, a semi-professional funny man and sad dreamer who can’t actually draw, want to talk about rulebook art?

Well, I’ve always felt a disconnect when I play D&D. I make the characters, I roll the dice, I attempt to role-play, but I’ve always had an emotional gap between me and the character I’m playing. I like the concept, but when I use my theater of the mind, the character feels stiff and divorced from everything. Kind of like the 5th Edition rulebook.

Then I saw this:

(Source tweet. All of this artist’s work is great and I wish I could hire them.)

This half-elf showed up on my twitter timeline, and my first thought was ‘How come my characters don’t look like that?’

Soon followed by ‘Why couldn’t they?’

Then I completed the trilogy with ‘Why haven’t I imagined my characters in a style appealing to me?’

As I was deep into contemplating what sort of aesthetic I consider my “brand”,[11] it was entering a mind primed to start overanalyzing.

So, how do I imagine my characters? In the neighborhood of the D&D art, if I have firm concept. Micah Krane always was mentally nebulous to me, just kinda being a generic half-elf dude. Trix (who was created for the brightly colored Pathfinder) is green-haired and wears a tail coat, but otherwise is also normal looking in my mind’s eye. In the last two D&D campaigns, Tybalt was also vague in appearance, and Teddi had Goat horns, but those were meant to stand out on a generic rogue character.[13]

But you know what I’ve never put on a character I’ve played? Glasses.

I hope that those who read my various media reviews[14] don’t need this overly explained, but I like glasses. I, myself, don’t wear glasses, but I find them to be great accessories in character design. Frames the eyes, come in a variety of shapes, adds bit of extra visual interest. I always point out Meganekkos and pay them extra attention.[15] I really, really like girls with glasses.

But I’ve never made one. Because there’s no cute design in D&D rulebooks. Just a range of handsome people to ugly halflings.[16]

That is the effect of art design in a system. It sets tone, expectations, and aesthetic for the players. It’s so ingrained that everytime I see art of players’ characters that break the standard, it always takes me aback. It’s inspiring to see artists who manage to divorce D&D the game from D&D the art.

I want to imagine fun, personally appealing characters. But the subtle direction of the insert art as I look through to rulebook, or the provided character portraits of D&D Beyond does not suggest things I like to see. It infects the mind, and leaves specific molds. People in practical, mundane clothes, walking down drab, uninteresting roads.

It’s the same lack of escapism that makes Western (Video Game) RPGs super unappealing to me.[17] Dark Souls, Elder Scrolls, Bioshock don’t look like fun places to be, they look tiring and full of splintery furniture waiting to do 1d4 nonlethal damage.

So I have to talk about anime now.

My mother was staying at my home a little while ago, and I turned on My Roommate is a Cat. This prompted her ask me about what about anime was appealing. I couldn’t form a competent answer for the question at the time, but it’s had time to churn in my head.

Anime is a good middle ground between cartoon and realism. It can broach deeper topics and more mature storytelling than children’s cartoons,[18] without sacrificing a light visual tone and fantastic imagery. Also, the fact that it’s produced by a non-American, non-European culture lends a degree of separation with cultural expectations and tropes. Enhances Escapism.

Luckily, in (very) recent years, after generations of exchanging video games and animation back and forth, Japanese Tabletop RPGs are starting to join in on the fun.

Which means I can look at Ryuutama.

(Image copied from DriveThruRPG. Brought over the pacific by Kotodama Heavy Industries. Buy this book.)

I love this system.

Watercolor art direction. Layout evokes a spellbook. Two Characters and a Dog take the focus on the cover, while the road signs and tiny shrine in the background invoke the emphasis on travel and wonder.

The interior art?

(Taken off the Ryuutama (english) website. Buy this book.)

Well, that makes the game just look like fun. Cartoony characters fighting cat goblins. Conflict, but it doesn’t make life feel like a constant struggle. A world I wish to inhabit. There’s also more detailed images of dragons and other world-establishing pictures mixed in to give the art range, but it’s this sort of charming that makes Ryuutama the first rulebook I actually sat and read cover to cover.[19] It’s a good system I already reviewed. Buy this PDF, maybe they’ll reprint the physical book.

Anyways, I’ll admit, the art’s a little too simple for D&D. Perfect for Ryuutama, and the end of the scale I want my mental image to be, but overshoots the sweet spot. And it’s difficult enough to find players for the much more popular 5e, so Ryuutama exclusivity would grind my playtime to zero.

Still, Ryuutama does a great job of setting it’s light, fantastic tone, where D&D has failed me. The art direction of the books, and years of exposure and defaulting to what I assume D&D should look for establishes a mental habit that’s hard to break. Wizards of the Coast has drowned nerd spaces with its particular kind of art, especially with MtG plastered all over hobby stores, deck boxes, dice, playmats, and even D&D sourcebooks.

That’s not even accounting for fanworks and the speculative fiction art in online spaces.

So what do I want to look like? Were I blessed with talent or with patient to actually learn to draw well, what would I be referencing?

What about what set my expectations of fantasy years before IndigoDice invited me to that fateful Traveller game?

(Screen cap of Tales of Vesperia grabbed from here.)

Well, okay, what I’m actually thinking about is Tales of Symphonia, but Vesperia’s graphics are kinda what nostalgia tells me Symphonia tooked like, as opposed to what it actually looks like.[20]

Look at that verdant town! Warm lighting, bright characters, leaves growing to depict life. A hotel built into a tree. This is a fantasy world that is unashamed about life thriving.

Forget solarpunk. This is my aesthetic.

As for the party members…

(Okay, Judith’s a little gratuitous, but The Definitive Edition lets me put her in a suit, and she’s awesome. Art stolen from here.)

Oddly enough, as far as JRPG outfits go, these are pretty tame with details.[21] Mostly bright, popping colors, even Yuri’s dark clothes are done in such a way to not feel grim and edgy, hints of personality, and I just enjoy looking at them.

The Tales series as a whole does a good job of taking European fantasy and applying Japanese whimsy to the design. Also yukatas. Every member looks like the hero of their own story, while still being part of a cohesive whole.

Which is, you know, the ideal way to operate as a TRPG party.

So, what’s the take away?

Artists, keep being creative. Pull inspiration in from things besides the rulebooks and Critical Role. Look at the other things you love and bring visual flare and whimsy to your art. Then share it. Ignite the passions of those of us who can’t do the draw-good thing.

Players, play with the tropes. I love doing it narratively and mechanically. My favorite rogue is still my neutral good stage magician who would never do a crime. Explore what’s possible in the freeform world of tabletop games, both in play and your Theater of the Mind.

Game designers, branch out with the art. And stop using Powered by the Apocalypse as a crutch.[22]

Hope this long ramble was enjoyable and cohesive. If you want more of this, my other works, and maybe to allow me to make an actual play podcast, consider supporting me through Patreon or Ko-fi.

Until next time, may your dice make things interesting.

[1] Though I would love to read a transcript of the two discussing it. It'd be a fun debate. [2] I don't like Powered by the Apocalypse for precisely this reason. Every actual play I've heard with the system has players talking about their characters in the abstract, because they're just pressing the buttons on their character sheet.[3] [3] I maybe should do a breakdown of PbtA one day. [4] Which is pretty poor direction. Do an epic group shot of characters battling a horde around them. [5] None of the D&D core books has a dragon on the cover. Come on, that should’ve been a gimme! [6] Similar note as footnote 5. [7] Also CornflowerBlueDice is too long to be catchy. [8] I figured it out! [9] I haven’t looked at at Pathfinder’s forthcoming second edition. Fifth Edition reclaimed it’s throne as The ubiquitous system after fourth lost its footing, so I don’t think there’s much point. [10] TL;DR: I ignore it. [11] Pulp Fantasy is too mundane. Steampunk is too victorian-y. Sci-fi fractals into so much. Solarpunk has appeal, but isn’t quite right.[12] [12] Haven’t really found the term. [13] Let’s not examine that I put more thought into female character design than male for the moment. [14] Which you should. Validate my efforts! [15] And desperately pray it’s considered innocent enough of a fetish that I don’t have to stop. [16] Never liked halflings. Gnomes are fine. Halflings, in art, have always been off-putting and malformed. [17] That and the emphasis of character customization kneecapping the Player Character’s narrative involvement. Can’t give them a personality if that’s the end user’s job! [18] Even Avatar: The Last Airbender felt like it had to sneak the narrative depth it achieved past corporate. [19] I do need to give it a reread, though. Relearn the system. [20] It still looks good, especially the environment, but the characters are kind of… leaning towards chibi. [21] This, specifically, is why I chose to highlight Vesperia over Rune Factory. [22] Technically nothing to do with this essay, but I can’t stress this point enough.

#SepiaDiceRants #ryuutama #Fifth Edition #Dungeons and Dragons #pathfinder #tales of vesperia

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thatssogayvenrp · 5 years

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Book of Enid | Lex: A Manifesto

The sun rises in Cedar Valley and the Orange Battalion officers note a buzz among the citizenry.

The people in the town square talk in hushed, excited whispers among each other. Maybe excited isn’t the right word. But there is a zeal, an energy, a determination to the way they discuss whatever they are discussing. It would appear as well that everyone in town seems to be discussing the same thing, as people who appear to be strangers stop each other in passing to talk with the same intensity.

By afternoon, the officers have gathered that the commotion can be traced back to a single piece of paper that all of the citizens seem to have gotten a hold of. The officers finally find one discarded on the ground and bring it back to the makeshift barracks, an abandoned warehouse.

By the time the Captain gets to the end of the pamphlet, his eyes widen.

“Send a raven to the Chancellor. He needs to see this.”

---

“To the “Chancellor,” the Wealthy, but Most of All, to the Citizens of Falschegal:

It has come to my attention that a more thorough articulation of my views is necessary to clarify my objectives regarding the reformation of our present society. Such elaboration is detailed below and it is my sincerest hope that this will convince any reluctant parties to take up arms and unite with me in this cause.

It has become plain to the public, now more than ever, that the current system of economy and governance are neither suitable nor humane for the survival and prosperity for the citizens of this great country.

Make no mistake, the purity of the so-called greatness of this country has been muddied with the blood, sweat, and tears of the oppressed, on whose backs the few have flourished. This is a call to action for all of the downtrodden who call this land home but are treated as strangers. This is the time to reclaim the power for the people, so that we may live in a mutual equality and happiness that we have never known under the present system. The first order of business, being most essential to resolving the ills of destitution and poverty, is the destruction of the current systems of currency, debt, and credit. As you know, my allies and I have already started our work in this regard, having ensured such destruction of institutions of debt and credit. Remaining institutions of banking, currency, and capital, will also meet their end soon enough. The Bank, the very embodiment of the current system’s evil, must perish. Before the arrival of the humans and their currency and capital, Falschegal’s natives were content in their prior agreements on trade and subsistence. Families were clothed, fed, and housed. Extravagant palaces and luxuries existed but were rare. The powerful preyed on the weak, an immutable feature of the worst of the human condition, but such behavior was met with both condemnation and the eventual liberation of the oppressed. It was the promise of wealth and riches that led us to trust the humans, to take more than we needed from the environment and from each other in the name of profit. In that promise, Falschegal gained larger cities and grander palaces. But in that excess, we discovered that the price of having more than your means is to rob your neighbor of their livelihood. The elite thought such a price was worth it. The rest of us, those who truly had to pay that price, continue to disagree. This is not to say that any expense made toward recreation or luxury per se is worthy of condemnation. The man who owns a cart is not restricted to four wheels and a carriage. He is free to make aesthetic and functional enhancements, provided that he is willing to bear the labor and expense of the additional features, and provided that he has not obtained the means for the extra labor and expense by way of leaving a neighbor in need. For it is the excess that robs another of their means to survive that is causing our present misery, and worthy of our strongest condemnation and disdain. Furthermore, the current system of governance currently suffers in its own inherent structure, but mostly in the vast influence of the wealthy that have infiltrated the ranks of civic engagement. The inherent structure and the elite influence have nearly become one in the same, as centuries of government and law have developed to favor the propertied interests and wealthy that write those laws. Any discretion left to a judicial or executive officer, meant to balance the equities, in actuality, is left to yet another elite to make decisions based on their best judgment, a judgment that is often one of limited experience and exposure to the lives and struggles of the common people. Prior to the emigration of humans in our society, the native populations of Falschegal were content to be led locally by familiar leaders who knew very well what the local concerns were. The purpose of relations between regions should be cooperation, compromise, and arbitration. Centralized rule for the entire nation is only necessary in times of international war, not as a permanent state of being. It is only through centralized rule that the elites have been able to consolidate their own power and control regions far away from them. The question, then, is obvious: what of the new society that will replace the old, broken one? And how can we avoid the mistakes that brought so much misery to so many people for so long? In theory, the answer is simple. In practice, the solution is complicated, in need of cooperation of everyone involved, and will by no means take a short amount of time to accomplish. The fundamental problem inherent in the present society is the hoarding and accumulation of resources for purposes of enrichment and capital rather than for actual utility and benefit to those who need them to survive. Whether it be natural resources, currency, means of production, expertise, or services rendered, the people have suffered when the few monopolize control over what everyone needs and only provide what is needed to those who can pay the price. A person’s ability to eat, to be clothed, to be fed, to be housed, to receive necessary healing, all things essential to survival and the comforts of living, should not be contingent upon one’s ability to pay for such things. Even more importantly, a person’s ability to live should not be contingent upon a wage that only values a person for their utility and labor when we are all worth so much more than that. Governments and society have developed in service and protection of these propertied interests, rather than for the benefit of the citizens overall. Under our current system, privatization of land and resources are the mechanisms by which the wealthy accumulate vital resources to the exclusion of others. The structure of our laws in our new society cannot be allowed to be used for such ends. The solution then is simple: no single person or group of persons can be permitted to monopolize possession over goods, resources, or services beyond reasonable utility. For a single family to save 5 loaves of extra bread for the winter is reasonable. For a single man to control an entire warehouse of bread, most of which he intends to sell and only a small fraction eat himself, is unacceptable, especially if there are others in want of bread. His profit is not more important than his neighbor’s survival. How then shall resources be distributed and monitored? If we are to return the power to the towns and local leaders, local leaders chosen by their own people are in charge of, among other duties, ensuring that resources are distributed according to everyone’s needs. They will ensure that no people go hungry, that there is not a person in need of food that does not receive it. Realistically, not all localities will have all of the resources necessary for self-sustaining survival. Some areas will have excesses of one resource and a lack of another. Local leaders will also be tasked with facilitating this trade according to their people’s needs. Regional and national overseers will keep track and take stock of which regions need which goods, and can thus help facilitate trade among regions for the maximum benefit of all the people. Chains of trade, bartering, and distribution of the raw materials necessary to create a final product will be streamlined, resembling the old systems prior to the arrival of humans and utilizing the current trade relationships already established. Local and regional leaders will also be monitored to ensure that they do not enrich themselves at the expense of the people. Most importantly, resources and services will be allotted accordingly to those in our society who need our aid and compassion most. Our ability to care for the sick, the elderly, the disabled, and the needy is the true measure of our greatness as a society, not the size of cities or the opulence of our palaces. And now, to address the current so-called leaders who have taken Falschegal hostage, most especially the scores of wealthy families who have, either actively or passively, subjected this country’s citizens to poverty and starvation for centuries: Make no mistake that I have been one of the primary architects and engineers of the events that have unfolded over the past few months. This should not surprise you, but you now have an individual to whom you may direct your ire. I have been on the run for many years and I am certainly not allowing myself to be caught anytime soon. Over the course of my lifetime, I have sat at tables with you, observed you, and was even complicit in carrying out the cruel decisions you rendered under the pathetic guise of what you called impartial justice. My current actions are my atonement for ever having aided you in such endeavors against my brothers and sisters, a taint of which neither you nor I will ever be cleansed. Despite your accusations of anarchy and terrorism, my allies and I ensured that no civilian casualties resulted from these events. The only ones that perished were those who worked for the despicable status quo and chose to remain complicit in the oppression of others. The same could not be said of the evils you have perpetrated. But also be advised that I am not acting alone, and my allies are numerous. I am not alone in my desire for a new, better society, my conceptions of what a new, better society would look like, and the means I am willing to take to make that happen. But if you are to come for anyone to blame or punish, look for me and not my allies; they are the hand that plants the seed and wields the sword, but I am the mind that has guided them to do so. You are beneath my contempt for all the evil you have actively pursued and all of the evil you have passively let happen on your watch in your quest for greed. I am beyond trying to convince you to see the error of your ways, as even the best of you seem to be convinced that your wealth is the result of your individual hard work, and not the result of centuries of inherited wealth, prejudice, enslavement, and structural inequality. Only the complete destruction of everything you have built can save the rest of us now, and no amount of incremental change can justify delaying this revolution if it means that some of the oppressed are left behind and forgotten. You mistake peace and order for justice, but peace and order cannot be left to stand if they are bought at the expense of justice for anyone involved. I do not actively seek your deaths in vengeance, but understand that your deaths are necessary to repair what you and your predecessors have damaged. You have enjoyed the spoils of a heritage of theft and cruelty; loss of such status is not a slight to you, but justice for everyone you have harmed. Your deaths could even be called a mercy or a kindness, in place of subjecting you to the same lifetimes of pain that you and your predecessors have caused for others. And again, to my fellow citizens: our time is now. There is work to be done, and if you would join me in this endeavor, we can all together make this society a better than the one we were raised in. Sincerely yours, Alexis Hammond”

---

A scribbled post-script follows the signature.

“For S.”

#tl;dr #Lex lays out in a widely-distributed pamphlet her views and plans for a new society #she names herself specifically as the person Kunt and the elites should have beef with

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firstumcschenectady · 2 years

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“Soft Eyes and Third Ways” based on Zephaniah 3:14-20 and Luke 3:7-18

As a matter of faith, whenever it is possible, I believe in refusing the binary and looking for a third way. I believe God is creative, I believe in win-wins, and I believe more goodness is possible than I can anticipate.

You, in this church, have affirmed this belief for me time, and time again. You have found third ways, you have shown me third ways, you have stayed with each other long enough to see past seeming binaries and found the shared values underneath. I believed this when I came here, intellectually, but I believe it in my body and soul now.

A few years ago, at a retreat, we did an exercise called “soft eyes.” It looked and sounded ridiculous. We were broken into sets of three, and one at a time each of us was asked to stand tall while the other two pulled as hard as they could on the arms of the person standing. However, each of us did this three different ways. First, we fought as hard as we could against the pressure. It was overwhelming. Then we just, let go, and let the pressure take us down. It was demoralizing. But, finally, we let the pressure come without fighting it. And, all of a sudden, the pressure felt like a good stretch. It was possible to withstand the pulling, and stand tall, indefinitely.

We then compared that to staring at something as hard as we could, to glancing and looking away, and to looking, but letting our eyes soften and see “through” what we looked at. This is third way stuff. This is refusing “all or nothing” thinking, and engaging in “both/and” thinking.

This is important, more now than ever. We have learned that our society has been under attack for quite some time by foreign countries that want to destabilize us by fanning the flames of cultural difference. We have also learned that social media sites, our email providers, our phones, and our web browsers are tracking our every move to try to understand us and our perspectives in order to make money off of us. And, they've discovered, telling us things that make us angry, and creating “us versus them” thinking (binaries!) is really great for business.

There is significant but mostly invisible pressure on us to enter into binaries and disregard the humanity of people on the other side. But, our faith teaches us that our shared humanity, the sacredness of every person that derives directly from God, is definitional. We seek to connect, not to disconnect. We seek to understand, not to dismiss. We seek to love, not to hate.

This is counter-cultural work, and it is emotionally challenging work. It is hard to be creative and find the third way, and it is nearly impossible when we're riddled with anxiety or anger. It is hard to slow down and figure out what's really going on, so a new solution might emerge, when everything feels urgent. And, too, it is hard to care when so much of what is live-giving and wonderful about life isn't available right now.

As I hear Luke telling us about the preaching of John the Baptist though, I'm struck that in his shocking ways, he calls us to exactly this sort of work. John calls the ones who have come to hear him “a brood of vipers” which was super insulting, and not how polite people spoke to each other. I notice that it is a violent image. Vipers are a danger to life.

I also notice that John the Baptist calls out three groups of people, and they're surprising. First he calls out anyone wealthy enough to have more than enough. Two coats, more food than they need. That feels like a pretty low standard of wealth, but since many people in that day (and ours) weren't sufficiently clothed and even more didn't have enough nourishment, anyone with too much was seen as hoarding what others needed. Then he calls out tax collectors and soldiers, and that feels REALLY weird to me. Of course, Jesus will do some work with a tax collector too, but both tax collectors and soldiers – in an occupied state – were part of the system of oppression that kept the poor in poverty and used their labor to enrich the already rich.

And John the Baptist doesn't tell any of these people that they have to quit their jobs or change everything about their lives. He JUST tells them that they need to stop hurting other people. Take the two cloaks, give one way. Take the extra food, give it away. Don't take more tax money than what you have to, even if you are allowed to. And, don't extort people or act out violently against them. Take what you have and let it be enough, even if other people have more.

That is... refuse to participate in oppression, which in essence is refusing to participate in violence because violence takes a lot of forms and one of them is keeping food from those who need it to live.

This theme unites John the Baptist and the one he would baptize, Jesus. They created movements of people who refused to participate in violence. Their words and actions echo through the ages, asking us to do the same.

What does non- violence look like? Well, it is seemingly simple and difficult enough to engage us for our whole lives – like faith. For some it takes on pacifism, a big one. But it also is in the little every day things. It looks like intentionality with words we use and don't use. It is in how we treat those in our households, and those in our inner circles, and those in our church family. It over looks like speaking in “I-statements” and taking responsibility for our emotions, and thinking more than once before we pass along information that we don't know to be true. And, it means not kicking people when they're down – OR UP. It means paying attention to our buying habits and how people were treated when they made the things we buy. It means paying attention to investments if we're lucky enough to have them, and considering which companies are engaged in violence. Perhaps most challengingly, it also means treating ourselves without violence, including in the ways we speak to ourselves inside ourselves!

AND it means disengaging from binaries, and finding deeper truths about people, groups, and ways forward.

One big piece of refusing to participate in violence is engaging in compassion. Letting compassion take a bigger and bigger space in our lives. Learning how to be compassionate to ourselves and then letting that extend to others and then letting that expand even further.

And I'm here to tell you that this is really, really hard, and I don't particularly enjoy it. My heart is more tender than it used to be, and the brokenness everywhere hurts me more than it used to, and it constantly threatens to overwhelm me.

But that same exercise on “soft eyes” and letting pulling turn into stretching was fundamentally about standing in the “tragic gap” between what IS and what SHOULD be, and letting it break us open without letting it break us. Because there are (at least) three ways to respond to the suffering around us. We can ignore it and push it away because it is too hard, but that doesn't change anything. We can let it in and let it break us, but that actually doesn't change anything either except that there is a little more brokenness. OR, we can let the brokenness break us open, and be present to it without drowning in it.

This is what we aim for, and we'll fail both ways much of the time. But, on this third Sunday of Advent, I want to be sure to remind all of us about what can keep us upright in the Tragic Gap, and how we can be with brokenness without breaking, and let compassion hurt but not drown us.

There are two keys to this: God, and joy. They're related. (Pretty deeply.) Finding spiritual practices that get you centered are imperative to life-long kindom building. They keep us upright. They keep us compassionate. They also tell us when it is time to take breaks. AND they keep reminding us that there is ALSO joy.

We live in a broken AND beautiful world. There is violence AND wonder.

An article I read in The Atlantic this week suggested thinking of things you used to do just because you liked them, and figuring out what you liked about them, in order to find what you might like doing now. This was intended to apply to those of us who have forgotten how to play and have fun.1

Let joy in. Play! Laugh! Have fun! Giggle if you possibly can. Fill yourself up. It is good in and of itself to enjoy life, AND it is NECESSARY to have joy in order to be able to do the work to build the kindom, a place of profound joy. We can't build it if we don't know it, we need to have joy to make space for joy. So dear ones seek God and joy... they matter on their own and they help us be compassionate and nonviolent. Thanks be to God for joy! Amen

1https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2021/12/how-care-less-about-work/620902/

Rev. Sara E. Baron

First United Methodist Church of Schenectady

603 State St. Schenectady, NY 12305

Pronouns: she/her/hers

http://fumcschenectady.org/

https://www.facebook.com/FUMCSchenectady

December 12, 202

#FUMCSchenectady #Thinking Church #progressive christianity #Pandemic Preaching #umc #sorry about the umc #schenectady #fumc schenectady #rev sara e baron #Advent #Advent 3 #Joy Sunday #Pink Candle today #God and Joy #theology #Tax collectors and soldiers #soft af #Third Way #Creativity

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transgenderteensurvivalguide · 6 years

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(1/6) In advance, sorry if this sounds clipped but I'm rewriting an 11 part ask because that's just too much and it feels like it would be rude to send such a long question. Somehow it's still long. So my background is: mostly used to aro and ace communities, don't have much experience with the lgbt+ community at large (trying to work on that), the way the aro/ace communities break concepts like attraction down really helped me figure out what my orientation was. Questioning my gender now and

(2/6) having a hard time finding resources that help me clarify my feelings instead of making me even more confused. I started researching thinking that they would be similar to aro and ace resources, going to the root of things and saying “What even is attraction, let’s define it” and breaking it down into chunks instead of trying to tackle the whole thing at once (see the split attraction model). Instead I found many lists of labels and pronouns, trans 101 that was at the same time too basic (3/6) and not basic enough, and “Gender is a feeling, masculinity/femininity/androgyny/etc are feelings too, no one can tell you what your gender is but you”. My request isn’t for anyone to tell me what my gender is, I’ll figure that out myself. But I feel I’m lacking the tools to do it. So does anyone have any resources, be they articles/blogs/life experiences and stories written by trans people/etc that breaks things like the feelings of gender as a whole, masculinity, femininity, androgyny,(4/6) agender, and dysphoria down (not coded behaviors or presentation, but what they actually FEEL like. These are the things that I’m most confused about and most want some sort of answer or definition for) in the style aro/ace resources do for attraction/orientation? To figure this out I need some sort of starting point or foothold or anchor for this instead of “it’s a feeling” when I don’t know what that feeling could be. But “Nobody can tell you what you are” sounds much more like defeat(5/6) than freedom to me rn. I’ve heard it said that gender is experienced differently by everyone, and if it’s really just some nebulous unidentifiable feeling that literally cannot be put into words then I can learn to live with the fact I’ll just never understand it, but… it just seems like there HAS to be some sort of commonality in the feeling of gender, the feeling of femininity/masculinity/all the rest that could be prevalent enough to say what that feeling IS and used to help people (6/6) figure out better who they are and who they want to be. For the ones like me who don’t even know what they’re feeling or what they want to be, just that they don’t want to feel like they do now.

Kii says:You’ve got a lot here, and you’re right. Gender is really confusing, and it really is something that 100 different people will give you 100 different answers about. Some people do feel their gender is best described by more visible aspects, such as behaviors, clothing, desired body, hobbies, etc, but some people don’t, and for them, it is just a feeling that isn’t describable, they just know internally what gender they are and can’t always explain why.

However, just because there are feelings doesn’t mean that everyone’s feelings are the same, like the commonality you’re mentioning. You know the old “how do we know that your green is the same as my green?” Two people could be seeing the exact same item, both agree that it’s green, but how does anyone know that if I saw the same item through your eyes, I would still call it green? Your eyes might be structured completely differently than mine. Your green might be my purple, etc. I think the same goes for the words “masculine” and “feminine”- I can give you words that I associate with each, but a lot of people might disagree.

Think of a person that you consider to be very masculine (whether they ID as a man or not)- why do you see them as masculine? Is it because of how they dress? What their body looks like? Because they like cars, sports, etc? How they act or other elements of their personality? Do the same for someone who you feel is very feminine (whether they ID as a woman or not). How is your “masculine” person different than your “feminine” person?

Androgyny is usually described as the intersection or mix of masculinity and femininity, so to figure out what you associate with androgyny, you kind of have to figure that out first.

We have a whole page about dysphoria, since that’s a more concrete concept. There are lots of descriptions there on how different people describe dysphoria and how it feels.

We also have this post, which a lot of people have tried to make helpful to questioning people, as well as this ask where various mods described what gender feels like to them.

Harper Says:I would also suggest a broader understanding of gender (and sexuality). You’re looking for a commonality that is not found uniformly in lived/expressed experiences - perhaps you might find it fleetingly, strangely, but I doubt it will come with much uniform clarity. The assumption that there has to be a commonality, a universality, is one that potentially assumes a (purely) medical/psychological account of gender and sexuality. Experiences of gender will necessarily intersect with other forms of systematic oppression: race, disability, and so on; and so each account of gendered experience has to be uncommon.Try instead understanding gender as part of a wider system of oppression rigged to benefit white cis men. In this, bodies, activities, sexualities, (and many other things) are codified and performed within a system of oppression. This is the way as far as I, and many other thinkers, understand gender. When you ask for gender as “not coded behaviors or presentation, but what they actually FEEL like” I think you misunderstand that gender is easily and always both. The performances, the risks, the transgressions, that commonly make up transgender experiences are inescapably coded behaviours - we don’t live in a society that isn’t oppressive. That is why there is such fear and thrill in a trans woman shaving her legs for the first time, or a trans man using the men’s bathroom for the first time. The emotion and feeling wouldn’t be there if such transgressions weren’t coded in a system of oppression that frowns upon such behaviours. Gender is always on some level something that is done and the doing is bound up with being. To strive for a definition that reduces one to the other or excludes one or the other is as far as I understand it, a misunderstanding, and this is perhaps where your confusion comes from.With this understanding I would then say that it is not very surprising that you’re finding dead-ends and confusion by trying to parse an understanding of gender through split-attraction model type thinking. This is a relatively recent way of thinking about sexuality within the LGBT community, (one that I personally find no stock in), butting up against around thirty years of queer feminist thought, and a whole history of LGBT lives and experiences. You will probably find that trying to think through gender in ace/aro modes of thought is an impossible task without this appreciation of transgender history or an understanding of heterosexuality as the oppressive action of gender.I’m not surprised then, that you find defeat instead of freedom; for many, gender is something that is survived. Freedom can only come with the abolition of gender, that is the end of the “material, social, and economic dominance of men and exploitation of women” (Escalante). So to speak of a commonality, perhaps start reading about how these oppressive systems work. Understanding all of this is not an easy task. Below I’ll feed a few pointers on a theoretical level, and as such can throw up inaccessible language. My hope is that if you do struggle with any of it, from here you can google keywords and hopefully find more sources that suit you better.For the theoretical exploration of such see: Judith Butler’s Gender Trouble, and Monique Wittig’s The Straight Mind and Other Essays (see One is Not Born a Woman - I haven’t yet managed to find a pdf for the whole book). Or key words: material feminism, Butler, gender performance, heterosexuality, the straight mind. CW: (this will be quite broad but I know Wittig talks about:) pornography, sexual harassment, slavery.For an account of gender which explores these concepts see Susan Stryker’s My Words to Victor Frankenstein…. In this Stryker mixes a lived personal experience with gender as a trans woman alongside theoretical musings. Key words: transfeminism, transgender studies, transgender rage. CW: surgery, suicide, TERF stuff, pregnancy, birth.I would also recommend investing yourself in transgender voices and histories, so you can see how a varied approach to gender throughout history has been undertaken and lived. How complexities and contradictions have been embodied and embraced complexly by trans individuals. See Paris is Burning for what has become an important moment in LGBT cinema and history. CW death, accounts of violence, mentions of surgery, talk about sex.Also check out One From the Vaults a trans history podcast by Morgan M. Page. (Also available on iTunes, etc. I think.) In this engrossing podcast, Page tells the stories of various trans - or at least gender transgressive - people throughout history, including clips of them, letters, interviews, etc.. It comes with “all the dirt, gossip, and glamour from trans history” and so shows the variety of our trans ancestors throughout history, good and bad, happy and sad; encompassing all different ways of doing gender and different ways of being.In terms of your own personal questioning of gender, I would do as I advised here. Do gender: evoke man, evoke woman, evoke neither. Try things out, see what you feel. Explore yourself and your own embodiment and explore the feelings that arise out of this. At the end of the day, gender isn’t something that originates from books and articles, it is lived and done out in the world.I wish you the very best on your journey!

#harper says #Anonymous #kii says #caps #what is gender #wittig #butler #split attraction model #transfeminism #long post #questioning #trans history #trans media

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touching-eternity · 6 years

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PUTTING THE PIECES TOGETHER – A PROPHETIC REPORT (Part 5)

This is part 5 of a series.

Read Part 1 - Years of Shaking: 2008-2028. http://touching-eternity.tumblr.com/post/164436543788/putting-the-pieces-together-a-prophetic-report

Read Part 2 - The Woman Clothed with the Sun. http://touching-eternity.tumblr.com/post/165575961888/putting-the-pieces-together-a-prophetic-report

Read Part 3 - A War in Israel. http://touching-eternity.tumblr.com/post/168502831493/putting-the-pieces-together-a-prophetic-report

Read Part 4 - Flash-Forward: Apocalypse Soon. http://touching-eternity.tumblr.com/post/174734884148/putting-the-pieces-together-a-prophetic-report

FLASH-FORWARD II: A GLIMPSE INTO OUR COSMIC FUTURE

In his book, Surprised by Joy, C. S. Lewis tells of an extraordinary childhood experience. He writes:

“As I stood beside a flowering currant bush on a summer day there suddenly arose in me without warning, and as if from a depth not of years but of centuries, the memory of that earlier morning at the Old House when my brother had brought his toy garden into the nursery. It is difficult to find words strong enough for the sensation which came over me; Milton’s ‘enormous bliss’ of Eden (giving the full, ancient meaning to ‘enormous’) comes somewhere near it. It was a sensation, of course, of desire; but desire for what? not, certainly, for a biscuit-tin filled with moss, nor even (though that came into it) for my own past. And before I knew what I desired, the desire itself was gone, the whole glimpse withdrawn, the world turned commonplace again, or only stirred by a longing for the longing that had just ceased. It had taken only a moment of time; and in a certain sense everything else that had ever happened to me was insignificant in comparison.”

Why does it seem like we all have this longing for something indefinable that often feels like pleasure, and sometimes more like pain, or even grief? It is a fleeting feeling that rises to the surface when we see cute dogs, or babies, or young lovers, or a field of flowers — or when we are in love, or even heart-broken.

The truth is that we are not wired for just a physical existence, but there is something more out there, and that something more is responsible for these longings hidden deep within our hearts.

The book of Ecclesiastes in the Bible says that God has put eternity in our hearts. Love, joy, bliss, and paradise dwell in eternity, and eternity exists in God. We are meant to live there, too — in eternity, in God. But we strayed. So instead we, the human race, have had 6,000 years of mostly suffering and pain living on a lonely planet called Earth.

But, no more. Soon, when the last bullet is fired and the last earthquake is stilled, then, at last, the path back — to paradise, to eternity, to God — will get unveiled, and lost humanity will find it.

Well, in fact, humanity need not wait for Armageddon. The path back has already been cleared; we can, here and now, take the first step of the return journey. Paradise, eternity, God — they come in a package called the Kingdom of God, in a box we know as the Gospel, wrapped in the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus the Christ. All that was what Jesus meant when He said, “I am the Way.”

So the first step in our return journey to that which satisfies our deepest longings is to allow the Kingdom of God into our hearts — literally, to get the Kingdom inside us, to make it a part of our system. The reality is the Kingdom of God is first experienced in its invisible, spiritual form before it gets manifested in the physical realm. To quote the apostle Paul, “The things that are seen are temporal, the things that are unseen are eternal.” And, the book The Little Prince, “what is essential is invisible to the eye”.

The second step back is a period known as the Millennium Reign of Christ on Earth. This is a time when the Kingdom of God begins to be seen in the natural or physical realm.

And then, when the Millennium is over, we graduate into eternity, into a Kingdom with no end, where God wipes away our every tear and there is no more death, pain, and suffering.

Through dreams and visions, God has given Australian prophet Neville Johnson a peek into the Millennium, which he shared in a talk held in Sheffield, England on November 3, 2012. The rest of this article is a transcription of that talk; the ideas have been a bit reorganized, but the entirety is by and large a verbatim quote without quotation marks. And, to complete the picture, bits and pieces from his other online stuff have been plugged in as well.

Between a Dying Age and a Brand New World

In chapter 10 of the Bible’s book of Revelation, there is a big angel who has one foot on the sea and one foot on the land. He declares, “Time is no more!” In a very real sense, we are standing on the edge of time. The whole earth is in labor pains, giving birth to a new age. Every time there is a contraction, a volcano erupts somewhere, or an earthquake goes off elsewhere. We are living between a dying age and a brand new world, between sunset and sunrise. We are about to break out of a six-thousand-year battle into a dazzling new age.

The Biblical prophet Isaiah writes that at a time of great darkness on the earth, God’s people will begin to stand up at last. He says, “Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord is risen upon you.” We are in that time now.

Our generation is the most privileged people that have ever been born on the face of the earth. We were sent to this planet for such a time as this to finish the fight. And it will be a fight right to the end. But it is a cause worth fighting for. We have been given the privilege to stand with God, rescue this planet from His enemy the devil, and usher in a new world.

The Wrath of God

The wrath of God is something that many have a hard time wrapping their minds around. A vengeful, angry God simply does not tally with the good, loving God most people think Him to be.

In the Bible, the Greek word translated as “wrath” is also translated as “passion”. So actually God’s passion, His zeal, against injustice and wrongdoing is completely compatible with His loving nature. He avenges the poor and the oppressed and executes judgment on their oppressors.

God’s holiness demands His wrath against evil. His goodness includes His passionate anger against wickedness. Why? Because wickedness and evil not only destroy God’s creation, but also relegate humans to an existence wretchedly below the potential for authority and glory that God has originally seeded into them. God has entrusted the administration of the earth to men, but they lost it to Lucifer by default. And things on the planet have since been on a path to progressive death, decay, and disintegration.

God is reaching a point where He has to put His foot down already. But before the outpouring of His wrath, His judgments will first be falling on the earth. His judgments are meant to help people learn righteousness; perhaps some could still be saved from His wrath. In some of the visions and dreams Neville had, he saw places where great earthquakes were erupting, along with volcanoes. He saw viruses and diseases being unleashed on populations. He says that this is coming in our generation. The world is heading towards this now because the cup of sins on the planet is almost full and God is coming to the part when He says, “Enough!”

But God is merciful and gracious. The books of Ezekiel and Revelation tell us that God will first mark people who sigh at evil and who have a heart towards goodness, towards Him, because He Himself is goodness. He will mark them because He wants to spare them. He will protect those who love Him with all their heart, those who are obedient and surrendered to His holy will, those who are living in “the secret place of the Most High” (described in Psalms 91). In his dreams and visions of incredible earthquakes and volcanic eruptions, Neville saw whole families, Christian families, who are supernaturally transported to another location.

It is later than we think. Everything is now in a state of acceleration. We must not take things lightly, but we must heed the warnings. Noah had only seven days to get into the ark. Lot did not even have time to look back at Sodom and Gomorrah. But his wife turned back. She was lagging behind a long way. Her heart was still in there. That was where her home was. That was where everything was. She got caught in the fallout of the descending volcanic ash and was turned into a pillar of salt. These Biblical warnings are pictures of our time, the end-time — when the old world dies and the new age is born.

The Bible says that God’s people are not appointed to wrath. It is true that they will experience much tribulation, they will see terrible things happen, and they will be around during the rise of the Antichrist. But they will not be there when the wrath of God is poured down on the earth. They will be caught up out of earth to heaven for the spiritual marriage of Christ to His Bride.

When at last the wrath of God is poured out, it says in Revelation that malignant sores will afflict those who received the mark of the Antichrist. Fifty-kilogram hailstones will rain down on the earth. Volcanoes will erupt like we have never seen volcanoes erupt before. There is going to be an earthquake that will hit the entire world and drop all the major cities of the world; these cities (including Manila, says Neville) are not going to exist anymore.

The Bible talks about every island disappearing. Neville has had many dreams and some visions about this. He saw the coast of California, particularly Hollywood, totally disappear under the sea. In some areas, sea came, forty or fifty or a hundred miles inland. Tsunamis so big you would not believe — two, three hundred feet high — were coming in over major cities. He says that there will be vast tracts of land which will just disappear under the waters. But vast new tracts of land will also come up out of the sea. Mountain ranges will rise up out of the ocean, some of them higher than Everest.

The planet is going to end up as one incredible mess. But why would God mess up the planet with all this devastation? It is because everything decadent in this world cannot come over into the Millennium Reign of Christ. Some of the major cities in the world today are totally decadent. They have a history of incredible evil. And God says that they will not come over into His new world. God knows what He is doing and He has a plan — something we need to trust and appreciate.

God is going to get it over all in one hit over a few weeks probably, says Neville. And when it is over, the earth will come into rest. God is going to take the tension out of this earth. And so there will be no more earthquakes, no more volcanoes erupting, none of this thing in the Millennium Reign of Christ.

Besides the unbelievable pestilences and natural calamities, God’s wrath will involve wars that will ravage the earth. Nations will rise against nations. The book of Revelation says God is going to draw the nations (those that have, through the ages, unrelentingly killed and persecuted Jews and Christians) down into Armageddon against Israel. He will destroy those nations and finish everything.

When this is over, Jesus will come as King of kings and Lord of lords. He will come back with many of His saints, riding on horses. It is written in the book of Jude in the Bible that the prophet Enoch saw this way back in the early days. Imagine, the sky opens up after all the devastation, and there are horses coming down to earth. There will still be people alive in the earth. After all the wars and devastation, the population of the earth will be reduced dramatically, but there are some who will remain alive.

The Aftermath

So Jesus and His heavenly armies descend to defeat the enemies of the Kingdom in the war of Armageddon. In Revelation chapter 19, the Antichrist and the False Prophet were thrown alive into the Lake of Fire. In chapter 20, it says that God laid hands on the dragon, that old serpent, which is the devil, and bound him for a thousand years, cast him into a bottomless pit, shut him up, and put a seal upon it, so he could not deceive the nations anymore. It is hard to believe what the world will be like with no demons and no demonic temptation. It is hard to believe just what kind of a world that would be. But that is God’s plan.

Those nations and people that survived the outpouring of the wrath of God will give an account to Him. God will set up His throne in the earth and call the nations before Him. The nations will be divided into the goat nations and the sheep nations. (Right now, the goat nations and the sheep nations are already being lined up.) The goat nations will be those that were arrayed against Israel, and the sheep nations will be the nations who supported Israel. In The Bible, in Matthew chapter 25, Jesus says that those who have done good deeds “to the least of My brethren” are sheep nations. Remember that Jesus was Jewish. “My brethren” — that was the dividing line all the way through.

Now there will be two classes of people in the Millennium. There will be the nations who survived, still unsaved but survived. And there will be people with resurrection bodies — those saints who came from heaven riding on horses with Jesus. These will be the two classes of people. The people with resurrection bodies will have the opportunity to rule and rebuild this whole world. The nations who survived will be set to work building a new world.

When a person dies now, if he is a Christian, his spirit leaves his body and goes to heaven. But it is just his spirit, a spirit body, that goes to heaven. In heaven, they do not have resurrection bodies yet. At the return of Jesus, at the resurrection and the rapture, the spirit body is going to be clothed with a resurrection body. That is the fulness of the new creation. It is a completely new species in the universe. Nothing like it has been seen before. This is a whole new creation, a super race of people.

What will it be like in the new Millennium world for the redeemed? Well, the capital of the world will be Jerusalem, for starters. But, in this Kingdom of God, there is neither Jew nor Gentile anymore. It is just one incredible new creation, a species never been seen in all of the universe. People with resurrection bodies will be roughly at the age of thirty years old and they will stay at that age. That is because thirty is the age of maturity in God. Neville joked that when he met his mother in heaven in one of his visions, she looked drop-dead gorgeous. He explained that it was hard to recognize her because she looked so young.

People with resurrection bodies in the Millennium will never get sick again. There will be no pain; they can not be injured. They can travel at the speed of thought anywhere on the planet. They have access to heaven whenever they want. They can go back and forth between earth and heaven.

Heaven will not be emptied out though. God is not going to empty the whole of heaven and put everyone on earth. If we want to be among the saints brought back to earth to rule with Christ in the Millennium, we have to qualify. The Bible says, “He that overcomes will sit with Me on My throne.” But this generation has the opportunity more than any other generation to qualify — to overcome such great tribulations that no previous generation has had to go through.

Rebuilding the World

And so the big clean-up begins. A new world has to be built. We Christians actually have this strange concept — we are coming back and there is a brand new world and we live happily ever after during the Millennium. But the earth is a mess. It has been torn apart by war and devastation from every angle. The map has just changed. The destruction is unbelievable. And there has to be obviously a big clean-up.

The Bible’s book of Ezekiel, chapter 39, details the clean-up that will need to be done. It will take seven years to get rid of the military hardware, the weapons. (At the moment, many weapons are stockpiled on the earth.) Then there are so many dead bodies on the planet, it is a problem. So many of these bodies are contaminated with radioactive problems, you can not touch them for seven months. People will be employed to pass through the land; when they see a man’s bone, they will set up a marker on it. It is not to be touched for another seven months. Then the buriers will come with the right equipment to bury it; they will have to be very careful. And so they will cleanse the land. It will not be a pretty picture, but the Bible is very clear about it.

The Millennium is not a rescue for worn-out Christians. God is not going to wave His hand and it is all done. We are going to have to work to rebuild a new world. And that is the Kingdom — the earth with all evil removed. It will take a while to reconstruct a new world, but it will be wonderful. The maps will have to be redrawn on this entire planet. Paradise will be restored. It will be a totally different world.

Rebuilding in the Millennium will be done by supernatural acts and human endeavor. Many people, Christians, have been prepared in this life for the Millennium. We are going to need architects, and there are going to be landscapers. Some of the cities that will be built are unbelievably hard to describe. The architecture that Neville saw was unbelievable. The buildings blended so perfectly and everything just blended with creation. It was really difficult to describe. It was a perfect world.

There will be a hierarchy of sorts; there will be rulers over nations and there will be positions of authority. Jesus said He would give one person authority over five cities, some over one city, some over ten cities in the earth. These are places and positions that Christians who have overcome will have in the Millennium. Neville said he was intrigued that there was a minister of music that was in charge of music — and all kinds of things, just like there is in the planet today. In the Millennium, earth will be governed in righteousness, truth, and justice.

Now earth has a problem because there are unsaved people. The nations that survived, the sheep nations are in there. But they are not Christians yet, they are still in their old fallen nature. And these people are still going to have kids. Children are going to be born, and the lifespan will go for a hundred years, so the population will increase. But God has said He will rule with a rod of iron. He is not going to let sin arise at all.

Life, Music, Art, and Science in the Millennium

In the Millennium God will restore the animal creation. The Biblical prophet Isaiah said, “The wolf will dwell with the lamb, and the leopard will lie down with the young goat, and the calf and the young lion and the fatling together; and a little boy will lead them. Also the cow and the bear will graze, their young will lie down together, and the lion will eat straw like the ox. The nursing child will play by the hole of the cobra, and the weaned child will put his hand on the viper’s den.”

God will also restore the communication between the animal kingdom and the humans like in the beginning. In the garden of Eden, when the serpent spoke to Eve, she was not freaked out. That was just normal. She did not say, “Uhhh, Adam, the serpent spoke to me!” Eve was used to having conversations with the creation.

After the fall, slowly over a long time, discord between man and the rest of creation grew. But Noah had maintained enough level of harmony with God and creation that he had no problems getting the animals in the ark and organizing that whole thing. The creatures worshiped Noah, too.

Every morning, Neville and his wife sit on their verandah to spend some time praying and worshiping God. Without fail, everyday, the birds come in and sit on the verandah near them until they have finished. This was the condition in the garden of Eden before the fall. In the Millennium the humans and the animal kingdom will become friends again. And so it goes on.

Human relationships will also be taken to a new amazing level. Neville saw a married couple who were saintly Christians that lived before the Millennium came. They were brought back to earth to live in the Millennium world. Sometimes, when they were tasked to perform a certain ministry, they merged and became one person in the most beautiful way. Other times they worked separately. Neville says it was one of the most beautiful things he had seen in his dreams and visions of the Millennium.

In the Millennium the mental capacity of people will grow many times than we have now. It is said that even geniuses only use ten percent of the brain, and most of us are not geniuses. Everything will be restored. Not everything will be spiritual — there will be people who have resurrection bodies, but there will also be people who do not have resurrection bodies, those who survived the wrath of God.

In one of Neville’s spiritual experiences, he was in the Millennium and he was brought to this university in Jerusalem where the Lord taught (see Micah 4:1). He looked in some of the curriculum, and it is not like we think — one of the subjects was astrophysics. Seriously, he thought, wow, why would we need astrophysics? But there really were books in that library on astrophysics and much other stuff. But the angel who was with him would not let him see them. He said that he tried every trick in the book, and the angel just would not let him see them. (In another experience though, he was able to look inside the books in an incredible library in heaven. There was all kinds of books in this library and the things in them leaped out of the page like a hologram and told their story.)

Besides the university in Jerusalem, Neville saw that there were amphitheaters for musical concerts in many places all over the earth. They were incredible, huge, beautiful amphitheaters. The music and the arts in the Millennium were simply unbelievable. But what got him was the architecture. The cities looked surreal; they were absolutely beautiful.

Neville saw technology that no one would believe — technology went far beyond what we understand today. Energy was taken off the sun. There were what looked like cars, but they were a lot more streamlined than our cars today. There was something embedded in the roads that was taking energy from the sun and which powered the vehicles that were riding above it. The vehicles were not touching the ground. Neville saw all that and he exclaimed, “Wow, that is neat!”

The Bible says that, in the Millennium, the nations will have to go up at least once a year to Jerusalem. Not all have resurrection bodies, so how are these people going to get to Jerusalem? The logistics of the feasts of the Lord that we will celebrate in the city of Jerusalem just boggles the mind. But Neville saw aircraft that were up to a mile long, totally silent, whipping through the atmosphere, taking people to Jerusalem. The aircraft did not need a runway; it just lifted off the ground and then lowered itself when it was time to land.

We Christians tend to think that everything is spiritual in the Millennium. We have this funny idea that we will all sit around on earth playing harps. Neville thinks that that is actually boring. He says we will build a brand new world. It will take a while to reconstruct a new world, but it will be truly wonderful when it is done.

Climate Change

When Adam fell and Lucifer took over earth, there was a shift in the earth’s axis, a 23.5-degree tilt. Scientists believe that this greatly affected the weather patterns. Also, in the garden of Eden, it never rained, not even once. A mist came up and watered the garden.

But when the flood came in Noah’s time, the Bible says that the heavens broke and the water came both ways — it came from above and it came from beneath. That was the only way you could flood the whole earth. Something in the heavens broke. A covering of water that served as a filter over the earth in the days before the flood eventually broke. And it is interesting that, when it broke, the life span of man dropped dramatically.

In the Millennium the curse will be removed from the earth and the climate will change wonderfully. The tilt of the planet will be brought back into the right position. There will be a perfect climate. There will be no hurricanes and no destructive winds. The plants will grow faster and their fruit will develop more quickly. Neville saw something in the Millennium that he did not understand though — it seemed like people did not need the same amount of food as we do now.

Millennium’s End

Neville says that, in his dreams and visions, he saw only a tiny glimpse of about the first five hundred years of the Millennium, somewhere around that point. And already, the earth was absolutely the most beautiful place you could ever imagine. It was paradise. After all, God has said He will restore what Adam and Eve had and more.

Now, after a thousand years, there is a whole generation of people born in there, thousands and thousands of people. Satan has been bound, so these are people who have had no demonic temptation. They have lived in a perfect environment, but ruled with a rod of iron. They have not gone through any hard situation. Now Satan is released. For crying out loud, not again. What is this about?

Satan is let loose, indeed, but only for a brief time. That means he has no hope of lasting long. The only purpose for that is so those people in the Millennium can be tempted and choose. They will have to choose who they will serve, just like you and I had. Actually, it tells us in the Bible that Satan does raise an army, a human army, to come against the city of Jerusalem again. We would think that he had learned his lesson. But, Neville says, that is the nature of deception — Satan always thinks he could win.

So what next? A thousand years is up. What happens next? Neville says that, at the end of the Millennium, the earth will again undergo a metamorphosis. It will become part spiritual and part physical. The Bible tells us, “And I saw the new heaven and the new earth; for the first earth and the first heaven were now passed away, and there was no more sea.” It is a different world, there was no more sea.

And then, Revelation chapter 21 describes the New Jerusalem descending out of heaven onto this earth. It says, “And I John saw the holy city, the New Jerusalem, coming down out of God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband.” This is really hard to kind of comprehend.

We have this city, the New Jerusalem, coming down from heaven, from on high. The New Jerusalem is a structure, a city, and a people. The city reflects all the attributes of the Bride of Christ (that remnant company of Christians who heeded the call to spiritual closeness with Him). Now we have this multi-storied city, fifteen hundred miles long this way, fifteen hundred miles that way, and fifteen hundred miles up. Can anyone imagine the city?

In one of his spiritual experiences, Neville saw the New Jerusalem. And he said to Jesus, “Lord, please let me see inside the city, please!” He prayed for three years, “Lord, let me see inside the city, let me see inside the city.” One day, He let him get a little glimpse. That city was layered. It was in the shape of a pyramid, but it was layered. On each layer, there were dwelling places and there were parks. It was beautiful at the lowest level, but the the next layer up was more beautiful, and the next layer up was even more beautiful. The city was so big it is difficult to imagine the number of people it could hold.

The New Jerusalem, this city on this again renovated earth, became the capital city of the universe. The planet became the capital of the universe. As Neville looked into the New Jerusalem, he realized that the bottom layers of the city were like an outer court. And right at the top was the throne of God. On all levels there were trees and rivers, but in ascending glory. This is what the Bible’s book of Ephesians is talking about — that Christ has seated us with Him in the heavenly places so that, in the ages to come, He might show the surpassing riches of His grace in His kindness toward us.

So it is not the end. The prophet Isaiah said that, the increase of God’s government and peace will have no end. That word there “increase” in Hebrew contains the thought of continuing enlargement of His kingdom. Luke, in the New Testament, said that Jesus’ kingdom shall have no end. Indeed, why do we have a universe? God does not do anything without purpose. And so, the earth becomes the capital of the universe where God will establish His kingdom on out through millions of galaxies.

We have had this wishy-washy gospel message which does not wash anymore — go to heaven and you will be saved and you will be happy. We were not made just for that, to sit around and play harps. This is our message now, the Gospel of the Kingdom, the coming kingdom that has no end; and we are His ambassadors. During the Millennium, other worlds will start to be opened up and terraforming will begin on many places and planets. It is not boring anymore, it is an adventure!

A Six-Thousand-Year Glitch

So Neville says that he has given us some of the things he knows, just a little overview. Some of these things are not written in the Bible. They are extra-Biblical, but they are not un-Biblical. There is a difference, he says. Not everything is written in the Bible, anyway, but just enough of what we need for this present time. The angel said to Daniel in the Bible, “Close up the books until the end times, and we will open them again, and there will be more understanding.”

But this is the big picture. Jesus said to pray this way, “Thy kingdom come on earth as it is in heaven.” God gave Adam responsibility for this planet and said, “Bring heaven to earth. Extend My kingdom into this planet earth.” Now we have had a 6,000-year glitch on that, but we are coming back. The Millennium world is where Adam should have gone, but it did not happen. God is going to establish that again. And the plan and purposes of God will continue on.

This whole idea of getting to heaven, living happily ever after in nice houses, that is part of it. But that would be boring as anything. We got to have purpose. The human race is born to have purpose, direction, adventure. That is who we are.

Apostle Paul writes that eye has not seen nor ear heard what God has prepared for us. But God is revealing it now by His Spirit. And it is worth this last-day fight. It is worth the battle to bring this in.

In the book of Daniel, it says that the saints, the holy people of God, finally possess the Kingdom. Sure the Antichrist will come to power and try and take over this planet completely and establish his court and his kingdom here. He will try to do that, but he is not going to make it, because “the saints possess the kingdom.” We really have a great heritage ahead of us.

Hopelessness prevails like nothing before on this planet. This generation of young people is living in a world of hopelessness. The loss of hope in Europe is unbelievable. And when a nation loses hope, it is in a bad situation. Europe is in a mess, America is in a mess, the United Kingdom is in a mess, the world is in a mess. Even the political systems are in a mess, the economic systems are in a mess, and weather is in a mess. The Bible says it will get worse. But it also says to arise and shine.

Charles Dickens wrote in A Tale of Two Cities, “It was the best of times and it was the worst of times.” But ours now is a tale of two kingdoms. And we have got to focus. There will be times later when we can relax and have good times. But this time, we must fight. We must never retreat again. Christians must never, ever retreat again. If we retreat, we will lose. But if we do not retreat, we cannot lose. It is as simple as that — we cannot lose.

We got to get this planet back from the enemy’s hand. We have to take it back and bring in a new reign and rule. And this generation has been assigned that task. The whole of heaven is looking on. It says the prophets dreamed about this day; they wanted to see this day. And we are it — a great, big, motley crew.

We are going to take back the planet and at the forefront is going to be young people — the Shadrachs, the Meshachs, the Abed-negos (in the book of Daniel). The great thing about this generation of young people (there are some bad things, of course), the great thing is they are unchurched so they have nothing to unlearn. They will believe. We have got a clean canvas and they will be keen to go.

Christians, we stay, we fight. We learn how to be righteous. We learn to have a character that equals all of the fruit of the Spirit of God. We learn how to handle the weapons of warfare, the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God in our mouth. We learn how to run with the horses. We learn, we stand, we do not retreat. We change the laws in the land, we bring in righteous government. Revival is one thing, reformation changes the whole structure of a community. Are we ready for this?

We have got to make our calling and election sure. We need to get trained to rule — training for reigning. Neville read a story about the British royal family (Prince Charles, Prince Edward, and so on) and the training they have. They would have to sit on a stool for over an hour without moving, and look interested, disciplined. They had to stay attentive for hours while they were deprived of sleep. They were not allowed to sleep. And they had to sit and pay attention there for hours without falling asleep. They had to practice because they were going to have to sit through boring speeches in some foreign country and not fall asleep. They trained to ride horses. They were taught how to groom themselves. And they went to military college. Some of them messed up, but… Training, training, training.

The Christian church has missed out on a lot in the past, but this is our time. Those who have gone ahead of us, mentioned in the book of Hebrews as the cloud of witnesses — they are looking on, saying, “Yea, we died for this, come on, you guys!” We have come into the Kingdom for such a time as this. This is our time.

Indeed, this is our time! -#

18 July 2018

WATCH OUT FOR PART 6.

Photo credit: Photo discovered by Gloria Peters and pinned on Pinterest

Photo link: https://i.pinimg.com/originals/46/6f/d3/466fd3065a6b8cc676a9d591dc735e05.jpg

#millennium #Jesus #God #Kingdom of God #Millennium Reign of Christ #Armageddon

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feelingsdusk · 6 years

Note

BH can't survive without competent protection (Derek/Scott isn't it). So, Stiles makes a deal with Peter: He'll make Peter an alpha in exchange for protection/turning for Stiles' dad, and Stiles stays with Peter as emissary/human packmate.

The difficult path.

It’s raining heavily and Stiles is soaked to the bone, his clothes sticking to his frame like a second skin by now. The wind is so cold that it feels as if it’s cutting into his skin and it doesn’t look like it’s going to ease up any time soon. He wants to leave, he wants to go home and hide under the covers… he wants to go back in time and be blissfully ignorant again.

As always, he can’t have what he wants and has to settle for what he needs.

(And hope he gets at least that.)

Stiles, as a whole, is trembling. His body, his breath, his mind, his soul, everything is shaking violently and he can’t make it stop. Even his resolve is faltering and he can’t afford that, because he has weighed the odds and they aren’t good. Because he may want the complete opposite to what he’s about to do, but he needs this. Because the stakes are too high and he can’t afford to fail.

(Because having his dad hate him is better than having him six feet under and unable to feel anything at all.)

He grunts as he drags him across the parking lot. Stiles hasn’t cried ever since his mother stopped being his mom and became a stranger in her own home. He thinks he should want to cry today but he doesn’t. His dad is in the hospital, any goodwill that was left in Stiles after all the shit that has been happening since the supernatural became public knowledge four months ago, died a swift death when he received the call from the deputies.

He hoists him into the jeep and closes the door. He rests his face against the cold metal and tries to make everything stop shaking once again. He fails but that’s not a surprise.

He hasn’t been able to calm down ever since the supernatural world, tired of the oppression, exploded outwards and took control of everything. (Hell, who is he trying to trick? What a joke. Stiles wasn’t calm even in the womb, but certainly things were easier before creatures that could kill him with their pinkies alone entered the picture.) And that with an ease that should be insulting but wasn’t even surprising at all.

Stiles suspected they had been planning it for a very long time. They had people in very high places and the transition was way too fast for the circumstances at hand. In little over two months, the world changed irrevocably. Hunter families fell, rules were enforced and territories were defined with alphas to rule over them. Effectively, a new world order was established in fifty-six days.

As far as world orders go, the new one wasn’t a bad one, even if humans had been knocked off first place on the podium. Life should have gone on relatively normally after that, except it’s Beacon Hills, so of course it didn’t.

Beacon County had been Hale territory for centuries before it ended up in the hands of the one true alpha, Scott McCall.

Scott, as the alpha of a mismatched pack of mostly teenagers, was an average alpha. Not too good, and not too bad, with enough good luck and support to get by. As the alpha of Beacon County? It was a disaster and he was in way over his head. In the space of a few hours, he essentially became the king and ruler of around 300.000 people, both supernatural and human, and he was hopelessly lost. Which, sure, it was understandable. Scott had no training whatsoever and suddenly Beacon County (which was for all intents and purposes like a small country) and a whole load of expectations were dumped into his lap. Who wouldn’t be lost?

But what were also dumped in his lap were advisors of the supernatural tribes from all around the county and human leaders. All of whom wanted the best… for their people. One thing led to another, and after a while Scott stopped listening to them because “they were only looking for the good of their own tribes”. When the pack tried to convince him to at least listen, to take the good from their advice and ignore the bad, he started avoiding them too.

Things deteriorated quickly. Without the proper training, knowledge or support system (though not for the lack of trying on that count), Scott made many mistakes. He looked at the small picture too much and left really important issues unattended. It was like a domino effect. In the end, the economy fell and no other territories wanted a trade treaty with them. The crisis worsened when people started committing crimes to survive. Scott stepped in but the ones that didn’t follow the law only got a slap on the wrist and were let go. In less than two months, Beacon County was like the wild wild west and the police was stretched thin, trying to do its best and being scorned and hated for it.

As if that wasn’t bad enough, alphas that wanted their own territory to rule started trickling in not long after that, bringing a new set of problems. And then, the outside territories began making noise about intervening to control the situation. If they actually followed through that plan, Beacon County would be divided and absorbed into their adjacent territories after who knows how many casualties.

No, Stiles hasn’t been able to calm down to his normal levels for a while.

He gets inside the jeep and lets his head rest against the wheel. His hands clench around it for a moment before he forces himself to let go. He notices detachedly that he’s dripping blood everywhere. There are gashes in his arms and chest that are bleeding sluggishly but he can barely feel the pain. He suspects that will change once the adrenaline has run its course but he doesn’t really care. He supposes that the pain and the scars will be his penance for what he’s about to do, no matter how justified it is.

He drives in silence for a while.

When he’s almost at his destination, he gets stopped. Not many people dare to drive at night these days. The deputy asks about his dad before she notices the tied man at the back. Her hand flies to her service weapon as her flashlight zeroes in on Stiles, but he doesn’t react. Then she spots the red eyes and she stills for a long minute. After a deep breath and a compulsive swallow, she motions to her partner to get back inside the car, transmits her well wishes for his dad and let’s him go with a nod.

Stiles pulls back onto the road and they follow behind at a respectable distance. When they cross another patrol car much later, they flash their lights briefly and Stiles doesn’t get stopped again. Before long, he reaches Peter’s apartment complex. The patrol car parks just outside and makes no move to follow Stiles inside to the parking lot.

Stiles remains inside the jeep for a while, his stomach in knots. Is this the right choice? Was there any other way he’s overlooked? Should he do nothing and let Beacon County be absorbed into other territories?

He takes a deep breath and rubs his face tiredly. He wonders if this is what Peter planned when he followed Stiles to act as the enforcers Scott needed but refused to have. (He has so much blood on his hands that he’ll never be able to wash off. Sometimes that’s all he sees.) Not even once did he try to take the alpha spark when their opponent happened to be one. He’d step back and let Stiles take the killing shot. Did he expect this to happen? Did he do all he did to prove how he could be the better alpha so that Stiles would come to him when the time came? So Stiles would choose to bring him an alpha tied with a bow to his doorstep? So Stiles would choose him above others?

He takes a deep breath once again. His hands keep shaking and he wishes he could hear his dad’s voice right now, before everything changes. (Before his dad learns what he’s done and refuses to talk to him ever again.) But that’s impossible because his dad hasn’t woken up yet, because he’s still under the effects of the anaesthesia after the major surgery he had to go through.

Stiles trembles. He closes his eyes tightly and just breathes for a bit. Then he forces himself to get out of the car and put one foot after the other until he’s at the door to Peter’s apartment.

Peter opens it, polished as ever even though it’s only about one hour before dawn. He leans against the door frame and takes in Stiles’ appearance, unperturbed. Stiles shakes even more violently. Not because he’s afraid of Peter, but because of the magnitude of what he’s about to do.

Peter’s hand lifts slowly, his eyes never leaving Stiles’ face. Stiles follows its path until it disappears under his own jaw. He then looks Peter in the eye and waits. The hand closes around his neck loosely but firmly and Stiles swallows but makes no move to get it off him.

“So this is how far your loyalty goes,” he muses thoughtfully, his hand tightening minutely around his throat.

Stiles bristles immediately, his mouth opening to let out the most scathing retort he’s ever spat out in his life. Does he think Stiles would do this lightly, that he wouldn’t avoid it if he could? That he hasn’t tried to the very end? Doesn’t he notice that he nearly died tonight because of it? Peter’s pleased expression halts his tongue. Clearly, this is the reaction the man wanted to get, but why?

“Loyal to the end,” Peter murmurs, his eyes studying Stiles’ face intently.

“Yeah, sure,” Stiles scoffs, averting his eyes. “Because exe-”

“Don’t lie to yourself, sweetheart,” Peter cuts in firmly, tightening his hand once again. “It’s beneath you.”

Stiles swallows and closes his eyes tightly. Unbidden, a tear slides down his cheek slowly. The hand lets go of his throat and travels upwards to cup his jaw. Lips flutter down and gather the tear tenderly between them.

“Fuck you,” Stiles whispers brokenly, because tenderness isn’t something he can take right now. What he can take is pain, just like the searing one of his wounds. He’s stupidly grateful Peter isn’t taking it away. “Fuck you, Peter.”

—

“What are you doing here,” Isaac hisses, outraged. His hands are tightened into fists and his nails are cutting into the skin.

Stiles doesn’t answer, his eyes zeroed in on the coffin that’s about to be lowered into the ground. He isn’t surprised that there are few people here today. Only Scott’s former pack is mourning him because his own mother is in the grave right beside them.

He takes a step forward and Isaac growls threateningly. Again, Stiles pays him no mind as he reaches to place two identical Batman action figures on the coffin. Both birthday presents to each other from when they were kids. The very first present they gave each other, in fact.

Because Stiles isn’t here for alpha McCall’s funeral. Alpha McCall, the omega alpha that refused to step down and was driving them all to their deaths, Stiles overthrew. He’s here for that little boy that played with Stiles in the sandbox when no one else would. He’s here for the asthmatic boy that once threw Jackson into the swimming pool for being a douche about Stiles’ mom and then ran with him to hide. He’s here for the sweet kid that stood there, silently, when Stiles refused to talk for weeks after his mom’s death. He’s there for the boy that followed him into the woods that night.

(He realized some time ago that his friend never really came back.)

“Peter, Stiles?” Lydia snaps. “What were you thinking? Don’t think we’ll let this go. If he steps out of line-”

“What, you’ll do nothing?” Stiles snaps back viciously and she takes a step back, startled. “That’s no surprise. Don’t worry, if he steps out of line, I’ll be the one to take care of it. We’ve already established that I’m capable of it and you’re not.”

Her mouth snaps shut and suddenly no one can look at Stiles in the eye. Because it’s Stiles who has the scars to prove that he stubbornly kept going back to Scott again and again, not them. They are here today, but for a long time they weren’t. Stiles can’t get the smell of blood out of his nose because of what he did for Scott in the shadows, not them. It’s Stiles who had to…

Because Stiles tried, he really did. Right until the end, he tried to talk him into stepping down and he nearly got killed for it. Scott was going to be killed one way or another. Be it by the adjacent territories’ alphas or by the rebelling tribes, it was going to happen. Stiles just took it in his hands and made it as painless as possible. He’ll carry the weight of his decision forever, but he doesn’t regret what he did.

In short, these people have no right to throw anything in his face.

He turns back to stare fixedly as they slowly lower the coffin. He stays until the last shovel of dirt has been thrown over it. Then he leaves and doesn’t look back.

#prompts '16 #ssree #my fanfiction #teen wolf #steter

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itbeajen · 7 years

Text

Omorfos Kosmo | HQ!! x Reader | Game!AU

Chapter 11 - Disbelief and Fools, but Mostly Fools

"No way," the blonde has finally stopped jumping about and was finally listening. Almost immediately the bowman sighed, "Yuuji, I told you already it's from [L/N]."

ID: Pierce Main: Elemental Mage Level: 71 Guild: Simplicity Fun Fact: Despite being captain of the volleyball team in real life, he's only the figurehead of the guild. The true leader is actually Hana.

"But Misaki-chan," Terushima leaned back on the couch in their guild hall, "There's no way she'd contact me. She thinks I'm annoying." He pauses and Misaki can't help but slightly agree with your opinion on that. Sometimes Terushima was a bit too much, but the cocky smirk on his face makes her want to roll her eyes, and he continued, "But maybe she's just playing hard to get-"

"Stop that," Misaki sighed, "Don't talk about her like that, she's a reknown mercenary you know?"

ID: Flower Main: Bandit Level: 68 Guild: Simplicity Fun Fact: Although she's not guild leader, she has a good handle on the Johzenji boys. Despite the mess they make, she's always there to help them clean it up.

"Is it really though? From her I mean." Terushima waved the letter in his hand, and he pouted, "If this thing explodes on me-"

"Do you really think I'd do that to you?"

"Well, no, but," Terushima smiled, "A man can't help but be cautious!"

"You're such a handful sometimes," she shook her head and the next thing she knew it, Terushima was already finished with the letter, his fingers flying across the screen visible only to him as he pulled himself together to message or contact someone. Misaki looked at him slightly confused and he sends her a bright smile, "Don't worry! I got this! I'm Johzenji's captain after all!"

"So, what do you want to do, Daishou?"

"Well, if it's coming from [L/N] like this note says it is, I can't ignore it. Despite this being a game, she has quite a reputation, that sly woman," Daishou responded with a sly grin.

ID: Akuyo Main: Dark Mage Level: 66 Guild: Serpentine Fun Fact: Daishou's guild has been focused solely on raids, and his cares for anything outside of that is almost nonexistent.

"So we'll be attending then?" Hiroo asked.

ID: Attun Main: Dark Sniper Level: 68 Guild: Serpentine Fun Fact: Him and Daishou are always the "last line of defense," the two of them have ridiculous long range artillery; especially since Daishou's dark magic can actually boost up Hiroo's damage.

"Yup, gotta see what has [L/N] so riled up that she's sending these out to all the guild leaders," Daishou snickered, "Plus it'd be cute to see her all pissed off again."

"Mika-san won't be happy to hear this," Hiroo casually mentioned and Daishou froze before snapping, "Mika's still number one! Always!"

"Sure."

"You're stupid," Kenma admonished you immediately after the meeting. You flinched and he sighed, "Do you have any idea what kind of trouble you're getting yourself into?" "I think I'll be fine though," you meekly responded. Whatever fight and flame you had ignited earlier was doused so quickly, if Kenma hadn't known you for as long as he did, he'd think you were having mood swings like Bokuto. But although this was similar, it was more of your innate personality/nature rather than mood swings. He sighs, his gaze narrowing on you before he sighs again. "Kenma," your voice was soft and he waited for your question, but it never came. Instead you shook your head with a soft smile, and simply apologized for causing him to worry or freak out. You had excused yourself and Kenma sighed before turning around, only to see Kuroo with Bokuto and Akaashi. "What." "Are you sure you don't like her?" Kuroo teased, and the look of pure disgust and anger that flickered across Kenma's face was more than an answer for them. But Kuroo's teasing lilt disappears and he asked, "So, as someone who's close to [L/N], I'm sure you want to be a part of the alliance right?" "You guys don't?" Kenma asked, not surprised at all. He had known that there were going to be difficulties, not everyone would accept it, the idea of an alliance that is. On paper, an alliance was an amazing idea. Not only does it allow various different guilds of various trades and specifics to unite under one name, but it could also bring order and a just system to the currently lawless lands of Omorfos Kosmo. Although the Terra's were civil and polite, not all players were. As seen within the first night of the update, there were some that had attempted to use the confusion and chaos to exploit others. Kenma frowns at the memory of it. He still remembers the accounts that Kiyoko had told them about; of those unfortunate enough to have fallen victim. But even with an alliance, what was the likelihood that people would actually follow the alliance? Would it be out of oppression simply because all the big name guilds and powerhouses were being gathered together? Or would people willingly listen? [L/N] is already worried about simply being accepted into the alliance, but would they all agree to her ideals? She's aiming for a lot and- "It's not like I don't," Kuroo admitted with a sheepish look on his face. He sighed, "But I just... I do understand what she wants to do, but Kenma." Kenma was patient, his warm gaze never faltering from Kuroo, but unknown to Kenma, in his eyes held defiance and stubbornness. There was an undeniable loyalty that Kenma had for you, and if Kenma had perhaps met you before Kuroo, the captain was certain that Kenma would stand by your side. "What is it Kuroo?" "I just don't know if all the guilds can see eye-to-eye," Kuroo sighed, "I know this isn't my place to be worried, but I am. Sure, with Bokuto and Akaashi here to boost our reputation in game, it makes it a bit easier for us to, but-" "Kuroo," Kenma cut him off, and the pudding haired priest continued, "Things will be fine." Kuroo's lips tilted into a frown, and he heaved an exasperated sigh and he muttered, "But if things-" "[L/N] won't let anyone else take the blame, if that's what you're worried about," Kenma reassured him as the pudding haired boy stared off towards where you walked away. He glanced back at Kuroo, "After all, she'd rather bear it all herself than ask others to shoulder it with her." Kuroo sighed, "I guess you're right, but I'm also worried about her... she's so-" "Kenma," Tendou peeked his head into the hallway. The red head clearly knows he interrupted something important with the look of irritation on the cats and owls, but he dismisses it. A lazy grin was on his face, "Can I talk to you about something for a sec or two?" The assassin glances at the other guild members of Nekoma that all stared him intently, and Tendou's smirk drops, a more serious air taking the place of it, "It's about our dear [L/N], I'm sure you'd be more than willing to talk about this."

"Hello Miss [L/N], how may we help you today?" the Terra kindly asked. You snuck a quick glance at her name tag. Airune. "I was just wondering if I could get more information about the alliance and guild systems..." your voice trailed off as you saw a certain person you never expected to see again. And when their gaze met yours, you momentarily froze before quickly tearing your gaze away. You shot Airune a soft smile, "Sorry about that, I was momentarily distracted." "It's okay!" Airune giggled, her hair was a short bob with the ends curling inwards adorably. She was dressed in the typical black and purple striped blouse with a simple black bow tie and pencil skirt to match the outfit. "Would you like to come into my office for a more private conversation?" "Yes please, that'd be great," you nodded eagerly. You were dressed in casual attire, just a simple black tank top and khaki gym shorts. Despite this game being a fantasy world, modern day clothes did exist outside of the fancy oriental or medieval battle attires. Airune lead you to her office room located near the back of the building and she handed you a brochure. As much as you would have loved to call it simple, you could not. The amount of detail and information that was held in its contents were sure to make your head swim. Whether those thoughts reflected on the expression of your face, Airune lets out a soft laugh and asked, "So, what can I help you with?" "Can I just... ask you a slew of questions?" "Yes, of course," Airune nodded and she asked, "Would you like me to type these out so you can have a physical copy for reference?" "C-Can you? Oh Gods," you sighed in relief, "That'd be so helpful." "Of course!" she nodded as you see her click across her screen, "Now, shall we begin?" "Yes, well you see, I was wondering if..."

"You're insane, if you guys barely made it out alive, what makes you think-" "Because [L/N] is there," Tendou firmly repeats. Both males had their lips drawn in a tight line and Kenma shook his head, "You have too much faith in her." "But you do too," Tendou countered, and upon seeing Kenma's eyes widen even slightly, the red-headed male smirked, "I'm absolutely certain you have the same notion about her as I do." The playful lilt in his voice made Kenma's face wrinkle in irritation. He sighed, "Look Guess, if [L/N] is okay with it, then fine. If not, try somewhere else." Kenma is already walking away, but he spares Tendou one last glance, "If anyone else is willing to do something like that anyways." Tendou sighed as Kenma exited the room, and he felt the silencing spell slowly fade away. Shirabu and Ushijima step in and Shirabu asked, "How did it go?" "Just like I expected," Tendou chuckled, "It's all up to [L/N]-chan then." "Do you think she will though?" Shirabu grumbled, "Even I wouldn't." "Yes, I think she will. It's [L/N] after all."

"So we're meeting up. All of the guild leaders, at the end of this week?" Oikawa asked. You nodded, and quickly added, "Well, the ones that accepted the invitation that is... there were quite a few that haven't yet." Iwaizumi sighed. You shifted awkwardly in their guild's reception office and Oikawa sighed in contemplation, "I know I had said we'd be okay with it, but..." His hazel eyes narrowed at you and he firmly explained, "[L/N], I'm not saying this offend you, but in all honesty, many guilds may take to offense that a single person like you is trying to take charge of the entire alliance. Especially as it would be one singular person having authority over every guild and-" "That's why I don't want to be the actual leader," you blurted out in honesty. Oikawa's steely gaze shifted to one of confusion and he asked, "What do you mean by that [L/N]?" You took in a deep breath, and cleared your throat. Your warm orbs met his and you continued, "I was talking to the Terra's that work in the Guild Hall... an alliance is founded by one person, but leadership is often dispersed between all the guild leaders. "Often times, the founder of the alliance isn't even a guild leader," you paused, and Oikawa tilted his head in confusion, "What do you mean?" "On paper, the founder could be me; but in reality, the person who's the actual face and head of the alliance would be someone like say, you," you saw him about to interrupt and you hastily added, "Please let me explain!" He closes his mouth, a pout evident and you sighed in relief, "As weird as it is for me to say this, I know that many of our players respect me. I currently hold the highest rank as a mercenary, and also as a competitor in the monthly PvP tournaments held. Players know me as someone resourceful and helpful, and I will concede to those attributes, but I'm not sure if that's good enough for me to be a leader. To be a leader, we need someone who has charisma, someone with strength and leadership skills that can not only take in one perspective, but many others. I don't think I have it in me to that. After all, I've never joined a guild before, and the only thing close to even resemble leadership skills are-" "That's bullshit," Iwaizumi interrupted with a slight scoff, your eyes widened in surprise and he said, "Many of us have repeatedly asked you to be the leader of the alliance because we know, personally, of your capabilities. You may not realize it yourself, but [L/N]," the way he says your name so clearly almost made you flinch, but you find yourself unable to pull yourself away from his determined gaze, "You are the only one who has willingly made contact with other people outside of your friend group. You will randomly message strangers, help out newbies, and even provide people with resources when they have no where to turn. Do you really think you aren't fit?" "Well, I-" "Iwa-chan has a point," Oikawa laughed, "You almost charmed me into thinking that I could be the figure head of the alliance, but no, if this alliance is created, it should still be you. If you plan to create the alliance [L/N]-chi, you should be our leader as well. Just because you know the information and resources, does that mean you can just work behind the scenes? Of course not. You may not realize it, but you're perfectly fine in that position of leadership as well." Oikawa casually flicks his hair back and out of his face and continued, "I may not have personally ran a raid with you, nor have I personally been directly under your authority, but I know you have it in you. After all, you always manage to control the rowdy group of mercenaries, I'm sure you will be fine." You were biting your lip in doubt, and Oikawa added, "If it makes you feel any better, you're an inspiration to many players; myself included." "You?!" you squeaked out in surprise and Iwaizumi chuckles at the sight of your astonishment. Your gaze flickers between the two of them and Oikawa nods in affirmation. "Yup," he chirped, "I wasn't going to main my bowman, I made it because our guild needed one, and Iwa-chan and I were both Holy Knights. When I first met you, I had thought you were cool, you made the archer class look so much better than most people had said they were." He paused, a small smile on his face, "But I wasn't planning on choosing it to be my main until I saw a video of one of your raids online." "You mean-" "Yeah," Oikawa softly confirms your thoughts. He notices your shoulders droop slightly, but the soft look of yearning and longing for the past was obvious on your facial features. His eyes close as he leans back in his chair, "I still remember how Iwa-chan and I couldn't stop talking about that raid. It was to the point we were actually showing it to our entire team." "I remember that," Iwaizumi shook his head fondly, "We were pretty obsessed with it... but that was probably what set the stone rolling for the creation of this guild." Your gaze shifted away from them and towards the floor. Iwaizumi gently continued, "You guys were honestly the pioneers of this game. I know you're all separated now, but each and every one of you made a big impact. You guys discovered hidden Easter eggs in the story lines and NPC quests. You plotted out hidden maps and detailed descriptions and analyses of boss AI's and monster spawns. You guys finished raids and your glory was always the first one to be seen on the Stone of Honor that marked the beginning of a raid and the end of a successful raid." You can't tear your eyes away from his once he continues, "I do hope you know that you guys are a great inspiration to everyone.. and even if you're separated and in different guilds or situations, they'll still all be willing to help you." He notices that you were deep in thought again and Oikawa glances out the window and he murmurs, "It's getting late." Iwaizumi nods and Oikawa asks, "Would you like to stay in a guest room, [L/N]-chi? Or-" "I think I'll be fine heading home, thank you King, Iwaizumi," you bowed before making your exit. As soon as you opened the door, another Seijou guild member escorted you back to the entrance. Iwaizumi and Oikawa waited for the door to close and the latter let out a long sigh. "To think even the great [L/N] would have such thoughts plaguing her," Oikawa stretched in his chair. He doesn't know how long he had sat there as he listened to you explain the alliance system in detail and the possibility of him being leader. Iwaizumi stretches as well, finally moving after leaning against the wall for so long and the knight muttered, "She must have been actually considering it." Oikawa nodded and he sighed, "It's barely been 3 days." "Yeah," Iwaizumi glanced at the bulletin board in the room that pinned all the notices and requests from people: Terras and players. His eyes narrowed at the board and he muttered, "Only three days and it's chaos no matter who you hear it from." Oikawa nods, his face solemn, "There are players still going about with their daily routines of the 'normal game play.' Then there are players that have resorted to Player Killing, or PK'ing. Many players have practically given up on the game and their lives and are literally wasting away in the city, not doing anything. But there are a few others that are discovering new things." Iwaizumi nodded, "Right, Karasuno guild... Kiyoko was it? She discovered how to fix the food issue within record time after the update." Oikawa nodded eagerly, "If she didn't. We'd all suffer with tasteless food and..." He trailed off, but both the captain and his ace shuddered. Iwaizumi gruffly mumbled, "No thanks." "But there's that change that Guess mentioned," Oikawa added with a gentle swish of his finger, "He was capable of recreating modern real technology right?" "No, I think that was the Iron Wall guild who figured that out," Iwaizumi corrected, and the knight furrowed his brows, "There's too many changes occurring at once, and there's no order." "Are you implying you want to be a part of the alliance?" "It'd help us fix the chaos in Enarxis," Iwaizumi muttered, and then he shot Oikawa a confident grin, "And come on, didn't you say you were waiting for the day you wanted [L/N] to let you join her ranks?" "IWA-CHAN WHY DO YOU REMEMBER THAT?!" Oikawa flailed around with a pout. Iwaizumi laughs off his best friend's antics and Oikawa calms down, a serene smile on his lips, "Yeah, I did." This alliance... perhaps it'll be a great one.

"[L/N], is that you?" The voice was hesitant as they called you out, and you looked back. And your eyes widened, "I thought you quit the game, Indifference."

ID: Indifference Main: Lancer Level: 68 Guild: Serpentine Fun Fact: Naoyasu only joined because he heard about how fun it was, but once he reached the higher levels and basically finished most of the bosses, he lost interest and stopped playing.

"I thought I did too," he responded. His voice as monotone as ever. He glanced around, "But I woke up here and I haven't bothered to find my guild members."

"Ah, Serpentine right?" you responded. He nodded. You internally blanched,

Gods he's as indifferent and static as ever.

He sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck, or you think he did, you can't tell with his emotionless demeanor. "Do you think you can lead me to the guild hall? Everything's changed and I'm just really confused."

"Uh, yeah, sure."

The walk was silent, almost awkward, and he asked, "How long has the game been like this?"

"Eh? Like two days."

"Huh.." Silence fills the walk again, but you don't feel as awkward as you did earlier. Upon reaching the guild hall you said, "Well, I'll see you around."

He nods, and then a very rare smile is seen on his face, "I'll see you around, Captain."

"Don't call me that anymore."

He waves off your snappy retort and you feel your shoulders droop.

Captain... That's something I haven't heard in a while.

From: Guess

Hey-yo. Where is you

To: Guess

Town

Why?

From: Guess

Hueeeeeee

Come to our guild hall.

Pls and ty

To: Guess

But w a e

From: Guess

i said so

pls fren

To: Guess

If you're going to suddenly be in storyline combat again

I'm going to tear you apart.

Do you hear me Guess?

From: Guess

W a o z e r s

Such violence from a cute tiny thing

Ololol

To: Guess

Please stop.

I'm omw

Map me.

From: Guess

I thought you knew where all the guilds were located?

s m h

disappointment

jk jk don't go emo now

I gotchu fren

To: Guess

Why are you typing like that?

It hurts my eyes

From: Guess

I wanted to bother someone

Cause Wakatoshi never gives me a good reaction

But you do

So it's fun.

Huehue

To: Guess

Lemme in please.

"Yahoo, [L/N]-chan!" Tendou greeted you. Your jaw almost dropped at how fancy the interior of the guild hall was. Karasuno's was impressive, but the Swans were on a league of their own. Tendou smirked, "Like it?"

"Gods, you guys must be rich," you muttered. Tendou laughed, "This probably costs as much as how much you make in 2 months of playing."

"Oh my god."

"Anyways, come, follow me," he laughed as he gently took your hand. Your eyes widened in surprise as you let him drag you through the hallway. The various members of the guild respectfully made way for the red-headed assassin, but their gaze burned into you, and you almost ducked your head until he announced, "Don't make my precious Bard feel unwelcomed! She's my guest, do you hear me?"

They all nodded, and you felt them avert their gaze. Unknowingly you let out a breath of relief and Tendou softly whispered, "You're surprisingly not as strong as people think you are."

"But you already knew that."

"That I did," Tendou laughed, and he glanced back, glad to see you were relaxed now as you let him drag you through the corridor.

"Wakatoshi! We're here!" He opens the office door to the main head quarters. Ushijima looks up, but his eyes widen at the sight of Tendou's hands holding yours and you follow his gaze before mumbling, "Guess, hand."

"You're already holding it," he joked, and immediately your other hand flies to your face as you face palm. Ushijima cracks a small smile at the interaction and his gaze goes to you, "Glad you were able to make it [L/N]."

"Well, I have no reason not to come, I was just wandering around town anyways," you made your way to the chair in front of Ushijima's desk and sat down, "What did you need me for?"

"We would like to request you of your service."

"Eh?"

"Please help us find information on the new story line quest boss, Cithaeron."

#jenbean writes #omorfos kosmo #hqlit #haikyuu game au #terushima #misaki hana #daishou suguru #hiroo kouji #kenma kozume #Kozume Kenma #Kuroo Tetsurou #tendou satori #shirabu kenjirou #oikawa tooru #iwaizumi hajime #ushijima wakatoshi

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togekissies · 7 years

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i read the red queen today.............. and, i mean, i read all of it in one day, but i didn’t like it much and i don’t know what i’m gonna tell sarah tomorrow lol (she’s been bugging me to read it)

the premise is: the peasant class (”reds”) has red blood. the upper class (”silvers”) (not all are nobles) have actual silver blood, and with it, neat powers. the silvers force reds that don’t have a job or apprenticeship by age 18 to conscript in the war that’s been going on for 100 years blah blah blah. before anyone asks, yeah, the author’s white.

the main character, mare, is a red living in poverty. she has no skills other than pickpocketing, so she steals things for her family. she’s 17 and knows she’ll be sent to war when she turns 18. she has a younger sister that can embroider, which is a lucrative trade. she also has a male childhood friend who is annoyingly cocky. the story opens with them going to a mandatory event meant to show off the might of the silvers, to scare the reds into submission.

YUP, it’s so blatantly inspired by the hunger games it makes me wonder if it didn’t start off as fanfic.

mare doesn’t get sent to fight to her death or anything--she actually gets a job as a servant by happenstance, serving the silvers. her first day on the job is the... whatever dumb name for the queen choosing ceremony the book had, where basically the noble houses send the ~most talented~ daughter to show her her super awesome powers to try to get one of the princes to want to marry her. and mare, predictably, ends up demonstrating she has powers over electricity even she didn’t know about. (the twist was so damn obvious, like, the fuck)

oh, and she gets the nickname “little lightning girl” from this. hello again, thg.

blah blah in order to hide that a red has powers they decide to claim she’s the lost daughter of a noble house that died out recently, and betroth her to the younger prince.

it started out kinda interesting? but i couldn’t really shake how the premise was that an actual superpowered human caste was oppressing a non-powered human caste, and the way the narrative presents as the best way to fight it is by... giving some of the oppressed caste powers too. like, it just misses why thg worked. the citizens of the capitol weren’t any better than the citizens in the districts. they were just born into riches. the red queen tries to make us (via mare) care about the silver nobles, by making them feel human, but... they are biologically different from the reds. for no good reason? they have the literal power to destroy innocents with their mind--and a lot of them do!--and that’s why they’re incapable of seeing the reds as fully realized humans. by making the caste system involve ACTUAL SUPERPOWERS......... it really doesn’t make me appreciate the whole “but it turns out murdering silvers is wrong too, it turns out sometimes they have families and feel the occasional human emotion :(” bit the book tries. there’s just no overcoming that power imbalance, why is why the goddamn main character has to get superpowers of her own.

also, some of the names are just. hilariously first draft. like the author got too attached and kept these hilariously bad names. for example, the town mare comes from stilts. fuckin STILTS. because the buildings are built on stilts, you see. cause i think it’s built on marshy land or something? idfk. then we have characters named will and lucas next to characters named kilorn and ptolemus. there’s just no consistency to it. even within mare’s own family: her siblings are gisa, bree, tramy, and shade. like............. what? honestly i like the punchiness of mare and shade and would have liked to see that sort of thing throughout the reds, while the silvers can get the fancier names.

oh god and you can totally tell which scenes the author thought of and wrote first, before writing the rest of the book, cause they feel a bit jarring. they don’t quite match, like instead of rewriting or even scrapping them, the author jammed them in to make them fit.

not only that, but i feel like mare is a weak protagonist. not because she’s actually weak or anything, but because i can’t get a good grasp on her character. you can SO tell the author was trying to write a katniss type character, but trying to shove katniss into acting like a noble wouldn’t have worked, so the author just kinda... makes mare good at it, for no reason? like she gets one morning’s worth of etiquette lessons and then is thrown to the wolves and doesn’t actually do a bad job. it’s so jarring because the mare in the first few chapters i read as always up for a fight, if she needs to. well, it’s textual she always runs if she gets in trouble, but she was down to tussle if she couldn’t. and she’s snappy. but this hardly ever manifests after she has to pretend to be silver, and it devolves into political drama, which i feel the mare of the first few chapters wouldn’t be suited for, and her character changes accordingly. at first mare seemed like an interesting character that wasn’t TOO much like katniss, but now she’s just kinda... half a character.

oh, and the other twists were kinda super predictable, and not in the fun and exciting way they can be if you see them coming. like (SPOILERS) her brother shade not actually being dead. god did i see that coming from the moment someone was like “btw ur bro’s dead.” or maven actually being evil. that felt like hans from frozen all over again. with slightly more hints, but still--the actual betrayal felt super out of left field cause it was all one character telling mare “i don’t trust him” and maven’s mask never ever slipping around her.

speaking of maven (the second prince, ftr), i can’t tell who he’s supposed to be if this is a thg au. maybe an oc or something. cause the au peeta is obviously the older prince that mare is ~REALLY~ in love with. oh and au gale isn’t actually an irritating piece of shit, mostly cause he has no actual character. this book is about as long as thg is, but it sure sucks at establishing character & dynamics quickly.

not to mention! basically ALL of the main players in this story are dudes, except for au peeta’s betrothed and the queen, both of whom are baddies. and the leader of the rebels is a woman too, but she has noooo characterization. she’s tough i guess? oh and there’s a female side character who is captured and then takes a cyanide pill.

the aesthetic this book tries to portray is weird, too. like i think everyone is supposed to be wearing kinda medieval-y clothing? but they have technology. like, they have airships and radiation detectors. au peeta fuckin invented a motorcycle. it seems really arbitrary too, since they have lightbulbs and shit but i don’t think they have computers? so like........... how

oh and there’s a line in there about rebellions and sparks becoming fire and shit. it’s so. just. how did it end up in the final copy. just. just cut it. don’t wear the “thg au” badge pls

the writing seems fine, though i have some gripes. like mare will start a paragraph saying one thing, then repeat it at the end like it’s supposed to be a revelation. uh... no? some lines feel really awkward and out of place. it’s in first person present, which i was surprised to discover. most people don’t do either of those things, much less both at once. i don’t actually hate first person like most people seem to (why...?) and write in present tense myself, so i’m cool with it, but i feel like the story isn’t done any favors by being in mare’s head, since, again, i don’t feel like she’s actually a solid character. third person limited may have served this story better. actually i feel like this entire book should have reached the editor and the editor going “alright. now rewrite the entire thing, from scratch.” woulda had a stronger product.

i know there’s two other books in the series, but i don’t really have much hope it gets better because my biggest gripes are with the premise itself. i’m down for the “young girl destroys and oppressive government” story, hell yeah, i’m not sick of it yet. but damn. do it well. and can we let the katniss and the johanna get together for once? thanks.

#text please!#don't click this it's a lot of words about a book i didn't like

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