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once-upon-an-imagine · 11 months

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I Wanna Dance with Somebody - Eddie Munson

A/N: aaaahh xD I have no idea how I managed to do this but, I did it! hahaha I hope you loves like it!! :D this is based on this request and also this post! :)

Request - Anonymous: omg heyyy so i would like to request a eddie dialogue if they’re still open! one where maybe the reader and him are out in the mall together as a newly couple. people keep giving them weird stares and some even make comments just because the reader is a prep. eddie gets upset and insecure about it then reader comforts him too make him feel better and that’s pretty much it :)

Warnings: both Eddie and reader feeling insecure, mentions of sex (kinda) Jason and his friends being complete assholes, I think that’s it but please let me know if I missed anything!

Disclaimer: I don’t own Stranger things :D gif isn’t mine :)

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I Wanna Dance with Somebody

Oh, I wanna dance with somebody I wanna feel the heat with somebody Yeah, I wanna dance with somebody With somebody who loves me

Eddie Munson could still remember the first time he ever made you laugh. He would always describe it to you as his favorite sound in the entire world. He smiled to himself as he looked at you talking about something. He was definitely not paying attention while you scribbled away in your notebook and he sat resting against the headboard of his bed, strumming his guitar softly.

“Eddie?” you chuckled, looking up at him.

“Yes, princess?”

“Are you even listening to me?” you smirked.

“Of course, I am” he lied.

“Then, what did I say?” you asked, getting up and making your way towards him.

“That you… wanted to give me a kiss” he smiled at you. You chuckled and leaned in to kiss him.

“That’s not what I said” you told him when you pulled away.

“Worth a shot” he shrugged as he pulled you in for another kiss. “What were you saying, sweetheart?”

“I was asking if we could go get some ice cream before I have to go to my dance class?” you smiled. “We can say hi to Robin and Steve” you suggested.

“Of course we can, love” he smiled, giving you another peck on the lips.

You had been dating Eddie for a few months now, and if you were being honest, you had never been happier. The two of you were probably the two most different people in school, but you didn’t care. It started when you were assigned to be Eddie’s tutor. And one day, the two of you were pretty close, one thing led to another, and the two of you were kissing. And then, Eddie asked you out on a date. And the rest was history. Eddie always made you feel special. Even before the two of you started dating when you were just study partners and friends. He remembered little things about you and he noticed when you were having a bad day. He always tried to make you feel comfortable and he loved making you laugh. You fell for him before you could even know what was happening.

“Thanks, love” you smiled as you grabbed your ice cream from him. “Are you sure you can drive me to class? It’s not far from here, I can just walk-”

“Now, what kind of boyfriend would I be if I let my beautiful girlfriend walk by herself down the street?”

“It’s a only few blocks away, Eddie” you chuckled.

“That’s not the point, dear” he said, grabbing your free hand in his and bringing it up to his lips. You felt butterflies in your stomach when he did and he pulled you closer, not letting go of your hand.

“Hey, did I tell you what we’re doing today in class?” you asked before you started rambling on about ballet.

Eddie could listen to you talk all day. It was his favorite thing. The way that your face brightened up whenever you talked about something that you were passionate about was something he couldn’t describe. So he tried to pay attention to you. Because he always paid attention to you. But as you two walked through the mall he started glimpsing people looking in your direction. It wasn’t the first time he’d noticed.

He’d seen it around school. He saw the way that some girls looked at you as you avoided their table and went straight to the Hellfire table instead. They made some snarky comment or disgusted face, laughing about the whole thing. He noticed the way that some of the jocks would look at you when you would stop talking to them as soon as Eddie appeared and you ran over to hug him instead. The way they would always glare at him for it. As if he wasn’t worthy to have your attention.

And he could see it now. He could feel every person around staring at the two of you and making comments about it. He was used to people looking at him funny because of the way he dressed, how loud he was, and the music he listened to. But he hated that they would do the same thing to you. To judge you just for being with someone like him. He knew what people thought of him. He knew what they saw when they looked at him. He knew you were too good for him but you always made an amazing job at making him forget it or just not care at all.

But something was off today. The more you kept walking together, holding hands, the more people stared at you. He could see their shocked faces. He could hear them laugh or comment about it. When he looked back at you, he realized you were completely oblivious to all of this. You paid no attention to everyone around you, you just kept on talking to him about your excitement for your next class as you kept on eating your ice cream.

“Love?” you asked, snapping him out of his thoughts and he looked at you, smiling nervously. “Sorry, I was talking too much, wasn’t I?” you said, looking away. “You probably don’t want to hear about this-”

“No, love that’s not true” he insisted. “I love hearing you talk” he said.

“R-really? I know it’s kinda boring and… not at all your thing, I just-”

Eddie was about to cut you off with a kiss, but he suddenly shifted it to your head instead when he felt the eyes of a group of jocks not far from the two of you. Which didn’t go unnoticed by you.

“No, love, it’s not boring. I just spaced out” he told you.

“What were you thinking about?” you asked curiously.

“N-nothing, uh-” he stuttered, looking at the jocks who were glaring at him. “We should probably get going, it’s almost time for your class” he smiled.

“Oh… um, okay. Let me just go wash my hands first” you said, walking over to the bathroom.

Eddie smiled wearily at you as he sat down on a bench to wait for you. He took a couple of deep breaths to calm himself down. Maybe he was overreacting. He knew what he had with you. He knew you loved him. You showed him in many ways.

“Dude, I told you she was dating that freak!” he heard someone on the other side of the bench.

He turned around and saw the jocks from earlier on the other side of the plant. He knew them from school. Of course, he did. They were the same ones who always taunted him and were always following you like sick puppies when you didn’t even give them the time of day.

“Dude, she can’t be!” he heard another one of them, Andy, say.

“We just saw them holding hands!” the first one, Chance, insisted.

“Maybe she lost some sort of bet” Andy laughed. “There’s no way that she’s voluntarily dating him!”

“Dude, Jason is going to flip when he finds out” the third one, Patrick, added.

“That he chose that loser over him? Yes, he is!” Chance laughed too.

“What do you think she even sees in him?” Patrick chuckled.

“Hey, love” you said, walking towards Eddie and making him jump a little, turning to you. “We still have some time, do you want to go to the record store? I think they have the new Metallica album you were waiting for” you smiled at him.

“Oh” he said, feeling his heart beating faster at the thought of you remember, but then he heard the loud laughter behind him and his heart shattered again. “That’s okay, sweetheart. I don’t want you to be late for your class” he told you.

“Um… sure” you smiled. Usually, Eddie loved going to the music shop with you and argue why your music choices were better than his, but you could tell something was off with him. “Is… everything okay?”

“Yeah” he insisted, with a nervous smile. “Let’s go” he said, stepping aside so you could go first instead of holding your hand.

You tried not to think any of it but when you got to Eddie’s van, he didn’t open the door for you. Like he usually did. And on the way to your class, he was unusually quiet, making you anxious. This is how it always started. He wouldn’t look at you, and you could see he was gripping the steering wheel tightly like he did whenever he was upset. So your head started spinning. When he pulled over in front of the ballet studio, he didn’t move. He usually got out of the car, opened the door for you, and walked you in. You felt your heart racing a little and the words came out before you could stop them.

“Are you breaking up with me?”

Eddie instantly turned around to look at you. He saw the tears in your eyes and it broke his heart.

“What? Sweetheart, no. Why would you think that?”

“I don’t know” you said, quietly. You looked down at your hands and a few tears escaped your eyes. “You have been acting strange today and… you didn’t want to hold my hand and…” you sighed. “Sorry, I’m being stupid” you told him, wiping away your tears.

“No, princess” he sighed, grabbing your hands and turning you to look at him. “I’m sorry” he said, wiping the remaining tears on your cheeks. “I’m the one who’s being stupid. I swear, this has nothing to do with you-”

“W-what’s going on?”

“Nothing you need to worry about, love. I promise” he smiled at you.

“Okay” you nodded slowly.

“Hey” he said, softly cupping your cheek. “I love you” he smiled, giving you a peck on the lips.

“I love you too” you said when you pulled away.

“I’ll come pick you up in an hour okay?” he said, grabbing his jacket and placing it over your shoulders.

“Okay” you said with a tight lip smile. Not the same bright smile you always had when you looked at him. You kissed his cheek and you stepped out of his van.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

“Back already, Munson? If I didn’t know better, I said you’re starting to miss us” Steve smirked when Eddie came back to Scoops Ahoy.

“Shut up, don’t flatter yourself, Harrington. I’m here to talk to Buckley” he told him.

“I’m heartbroken” he chuckled as Robin came into view.

“What’s up, dingus?”

“I need your help!”

“Trouble with your lady?” Robin smirked, but it was dropped when she saw the desperate look on Eddie’s face.

“Why is she with me?”

“Excuse me?” Robin asked, confused.

“You heard me. Why is she with me? She could be with anyone she liked, why did she choose me?”

“You mean all those assholes who keep following her around and have a bet to see which one of them she would go out with?”

“They what?” both Steve and Eddie snapped at the same time.

“Yeah, Carver and his friends. You didn’t know?” Robin asked them. “They made a bet to see which one of them could get her to… um… well, you know…” she said.

“What the fuck? Does she know?” Steve asked.

“Yeah, she’s the one that told me about it” Robin shrugged. “She heard them one day at a party. That’s why she doesn’t hang out with them anymore” she explained.

“I’m gonna fucking kill them” Eddie said, feeling his blood boil.

“Eddie, where is this coming from? You’ve been with her for some time now and I know that you have told each other the ‘L’ word so… why are you suddenly questioning your relationship?” Robin asked confused.

“I don’t know, I’m being stupid” he sighed.

“Shocking” Steve smirked at him.

“Today just kind of made it real, you know? I know we are together in school and I see the way everyone looks at us, but today it was even more. I could hear people laughing and commenting on it, like ‘Oh, I can’t believe she’s with that freak!’ and I just… I don’t want her to go through what I go through just for being with me!”

“She doesn’t care about that-”

“Well, maybe she should! She’s too perfect for this world, and I’d hate to think that people are being mean to her for being with someone like me. She’s too good for me. She’s perfect in all her classes, people love her. I mean she's too hot for me!”

“That's true” Steve and Robin said at the same time, earning a glare from Eddie.

“Look, Eddie, at the end of the day, she wants to be with you! She told me she has never felt this way about anyone” Robin admitted.

“But I just don’t get why, Buckley! What does she even see in me?”

“Wow, you're even more of a dingus than Steve” Robin laughed.

“Hey!”

“Eddie, you wanna know why she likes you? Not only does she think you are hot and cute, which, personally I don't see it, no offense" she started. "Every boyfriend she had before you treated her like shit. Like her opinions didn't even matter. Like she was only part of the relationship to please him. They would go on and on about themselves and not even care about what she had to say. But you… you treat her like she's the most precious thing in the world. You always listen to her and you do whatever you can to cheer her up when she's upset. You remember the things she likes and she feels really special when you do. You’re always taking care of her and you make sure that she’s okay. She loves that you’re passionate about the things that you love. She loves that you’re who you are and don’t care what people say about it. She loves that you have a good heart and you show it for the people you care about and she knows she’s number one on your list. And you know the thing she loves most about you? You make her laugh” she explained.

“R-really?” Eddie said, feeling his cheeks blushing a little.

“Yeah, really” Robin said, before smacking him on the head. “Now, go fix whatever you did because you don’t want to prove her wrong, do you?”

“Y-yeah, no! I’m gonna fix this!” he said, excitedly. “Thanks, Buckley! Later, Harrington!”

“You know, you should be a motivational speaker” Steve told Robin.

“I know, dingus!” she smiled back.

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

You walked out of your class, hoping to find Eddie there already waiting for you. But since class had ended a bit early you were pretty sure you would have to wait for him a while. You didn’t really mind until you saw four familiar guys you wished would just leave you alone.

“Hey, babe, fancy meeting you here” Jason Carver and his friends walked closer to you.

“Um, hi Jason. H-hi guys” you smiled nervously. You didn’t particularly like them but you didn’t want to be rude. You just hoped Eddie would get here already.

“How was your class?” Andy smirked, looking at you up and down. You felt uncomfortable and you pulled Eddie’s jacket closed.

“Fine, thanks” you replied, looking both ways on the street to hope Eddie’s van was coming.

“Looking for someone?” Jason asked, stepping closer to you and blocking your view from the street.

“Yes, I’m waiting for my boyfriend” you said, hoping they would get the hint and leave you alone.

“So, it’s true?” Jason asked you.

“What?”

“You’re dating that freak?” he said, glaring at your jacket and you frowned at him.

“Don’t call him that” you said, trying to walk past him but he grabbed your arm and pulled you back.

“Why are you with someone like him? You should be with someone who knows how to please a woman” Jason smirked at you.

“Not that is any of your business, but Eddie is ten times the man you’ll ever aspire to be, Jason. If there is someone that knows how to please a woman, it’s him” you smirked back at him.

“I doubt that freak knows how to treat a girl like you” he insisted tightening the grip in your arm.

“Oh, you mean like you and your friends who treat girls like a piece of meat and make bets to see who can sleep with them first?”

“Please, get over yourself, nobody would want you anymore now that you are that freak’s slut-”

“Hey!” you felt relieved when you heard Eddie’s voice and the metal music blasting from his van. Jason and his friends turned around to see him, standing on the sidewalk, glaring at them. Eddie noticed and secretly loved when your upset expression changed once you looked at him. He could see the relief in your eyes. ‘You’re always taking care of her and you make sure that she’s okay.’ He made you feel safe. And he definitely took pride in that. You quickly freed yourself from Jason’s grasp and ran towards your boyfriend, throwing yourself happily into his arms. “You okay, princess?”

“Yes” you said, feeling completely content when he wrapped his arms around you. “Can we go home, please?”

“Of course, love” he smiled, kissing your forehead, before he led you to his van and open the door for you. Once he closed it, he turned to look at the four jocks, glaring at him not believing their eyes.

“You want something, freak?” Jason spat at him, trying to play it cool.

“Seems to me like you want something, Carver” Eddie said walking closer to him. “If you ever touch my girlfriend again, me and my satanic group will make sure that you and your stupid friends don’t ever bother, not just her, but any girl in school, got it?” he smirked as he walked away from them. Before he got into his car, he raised his hands to his head, as if they were horns and stuck his tongue out, spluttering at them, making you laugh inside the car. “Hi, princess” he smiled at you before giving you a small kiss.

“Hi, love” you smiled. “Are these for me?” you asked pointing at the flowers between the seats.

“Yeah, I’m sorry, that’s why I was late. There was a long line and-” you quickly cut him off, pulling him and giving him a passionate kiss.

“I love them” you smiled, once you pulled away. “Thank you” you said, picking them up.

“I wanted to apologize for… earlier” he said, placing his hand behind his neck. “I was being stupid and, I made you upset” he told you. “I just… I saw all these people looking at us weirdly and… laughing and…” he sighed. “I love you so much, and you are the closest thing to perfect for me and I just… I guess I got a bit scared that you would… realize that you’re too good for me, b-because you are! But I never wanted to make you upset and I guess, what I’m saying is that I’m really lucky to be with you, and I love you, and I have no idea what I did to get you or to deserve you but I’m really happy you love a dork like me and I want to make you as happy as you make me” he smiled bashfully at you.

“Eddie” you said, feeling tears in your eyes. “You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me” you confessed. “I love you so much. And I don’t want you to feel that I’m too good for you because you are also too good for me” you chuckled. “You make me feel so special and I want to do the same for you” you smiled.

“Trust me, princess. You really do” he smiled, pulling you for another kiss. “I… got something else for you, if you want it” he said, grabbing a small box and giving it to you.

“Are you proposing to me?” you mocked him.

“No” he rolled his eyes opening the box. “Here” he said, taking out a silver chain that held one of his rings. Not just one of his rings. His favorite ring.

“Eddie” you smiled brightly at him. “That’s- that’s your favorite one!”

“I want you to have it” he said, placing it on you. “Just so you always have a part of me with you” he smiled as you grabbed it with your hand, admiring how it hung on your neck.

“I love it” you smiled sweetly before pulling him in for another kiss.

“I’m glad you do” he said, kissing your temple. “You wanna get something to eat?”

“Yes, please, I’m starving” you said, as Eddie started the car.

He turned to look at you and couldn’t help but smile at how you looked at your new necklace and the flowers in your hands with the most enamored smile on your face. He did that. He made you this happy and he promised himself he would always do that.

“What?” you felt your cheeks burning when you looked at him.

“Nothing” he shrugged. “I love you” he smiled.

“I love you too” you said, kissing his cheek.

The End

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A/N: I hope you liked it! Steddie’s coming up next :) let me know what you think :D

#stranger things #stranger things imagine #eddie munson #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson oneshot

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pixie-in-a-moonlantern · 1 month

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F/M Durgetash one-shot I birthed within a single day. Dead Dove: I don't like Gortash (hence the title), but I do find him mysteriously, annoyingly attractive. Couldn't get him out of my head - so I tried, the best way I knew how - by writing a fic xD. I hope you like it, but it's not essential to my wellbeing, I just really needed to get this off my chest. But it's been fun, so hopefully you'll have fun too.

Explicit 18+, F/M, Enver Gortash / The Dark Urge (old name Talas, new name Nara, some half-elf or other, unimportant), rough sex, cunnilingus, p in v, creampie, some emotional trauma, light stabbing/cutting with a dagger, a bit of aftercare in the form of bathing together.

Yes, Gortash bathes in this story. TWICE. He really needs it :P.

I Don't Like You

01 - Brain worms having a field day.

The night is slowly creeping in, but I’m in no state of mind to sleep. I pace and I rake my hair and I groan. My friends are watching me with concern in their eyes. I can’t blame them—I must look like a lunatic, more so than usually.

I feel like I’m going insane and for a whole new set of reasons than before.

What were we?

Gortash got into my head and now he’s refusing to leave. Was he just trying to mess with me? Did he notice the unmasked disdain in my face and decide to make my skin crawl in revenge? He must know I only have red fog in my brain where my past should be. And he looks just like the kind of man who would lie about it to make me nauseated. No way I’ve ever let those grubby hands touch me.

Yet…

I can hardly admit it to myself, but nausea is not the full extent of my reaction. I feel as if my own body knows this man. My memory is still a blank page, but something in me recognizes him. Something primal. Something hungry.

The urges I’ve been having since meeting Gortash have very little to do with Bhaal.

“Honeymuffin, are you still not ready for bed?”

I hear Halsin’s soothing voice and immediately feel myself relaxing. I turn to him, grateful for the distraction. He’s only dressed in his underpants and the sight of his bushy chest hits a dirty note.

I ignore his question and just press into him, kissing his gentle lips with ferociousness he hasn’t experienced from me yet. He’s responsive and gives in for a few seconds, but then chuckles into my mouth and drags me off of him by the shoulders to inspect me.

“What has gotten into you, my love?”

I groan, freeing myself from his grip. I always appreciate how sensitive he is to my moods and thoughts, but right now, I would die of embarrassment if someone actually found out what’s running through my head.

“I’m just irritated,” I lie through my teeth. “Gortash is one annoying son of a bitch. I hate that we have to pretend to work with him. ‘Notice the way he just kept us there under the threat of violence, to witness his sham of an inauguration? After everything he said about wanting to be partners? Ugh, I could just…” My fists close of their own accord, crushing the imaginary windpipe.

Halsin chuckles again and runs a calloused palm softly along my jaw in a comforting gesture.

“I know, Nara, I know,” he grumbles low, pulling me into a hug. “He irked me, as well. He isn’t worth the stress, though. Let’s sleep. We have another long day ahead of us tomorrow.”

But I can’t sleep. Once Halsin goes into his trance, it’s like he’s not here to hold me together anymore. I toss and turn. I grit my teeth. I grunt and pull on my hair. I try to silence my thoughts with a pillow over my head. It’s no use. I know what I have to do to get some peace of mind.

I get up as quietly as I possibly can. I don’t bother changing—I don’t plan to impress anyone. I just take a small dagger and throw a cloak over my shoulders, so I can hide in the shadows more easily, and sneak out of the inn.

I’m going to make him tell me the truth.

02 - Urge! But not to kill.

Getting into the Wyrmrock is laughably easy. I know the guards would just let me pass, but there’s no way in the Nine Hells I would embarrass myself like that. Little ol’ me going to see “Lord” Gortash in my casual clothes in the middle of the night—what a delicious story for the Baldur’s Mouth it would make. So I utilize every last muscle memory from the past I don’t remember, slipping in completely undetected.

He’s in the throne room, but not sitting on the damned thing. The main section is drowning in darkness, but I see a sliver of light coming from behind the door to one of the adjacent rooms. A study, maybe?

I almost trigger one of the traps as I’m sneaking towards him. There are Steel Watch still stationed around the room, but they appear less than attentive this time. Do they have some sort of down time? Or did Gortash put them in do-not-disturb mode?

I’m trying to not get myself executed, so I push down the instinct to grip the dagger I’m hiding under the cloak. If he wanted me dead, he wouldn’t have made such theatrics to gain my cooperation this morning. The question of whether I wanted him dead remains to be answered.

I take a quiet peek into the warmly lit room and suppress a whistle. It’s a study alright, but one Gortash seems to be using as an apartment—a wide, comfortable, richly adorned bed stands next to his desk, draped in red silk. He’s not in it, though—he sits by the desk, bent over a document, clad only in what looks like a bathrobe.

I try to filter myself through the crack in the door, but the stupid hinges creak so loud I gasp and just inelegantly stumble inside.

Gortash jumps off his chair and twirls around, body taut, eyes alert, a quill in his left hand held like a weapon, the other hand ready to shove the metal claws of his fancy gold netherstone-adorned gauntlet into someone’s eye. I grit my teeth and consider pulling out the dagger—but the second his gaze lands on me, he straightens and lets out a half relieved, half amused chortle.

“Sneaking up on me again?” He shakes his shaggy head. “Are Bhaalists simply unable to set up a meeting, like the rest of us?”

I open my mouth, a scathing comeback ready, but as soon as I let the air in the room in, I’m stunned. There’s a distinct fragrance of soap and perfume, a freshness that only comes from thoroughly scrubbing yourself clean, and, among them, the unmistakable scent of him. The musk that speaks directly to the undamaged parts of my brain.

I can’t believe how clean Gortash looks now. He evidently didn’t plan on any public appearances this late at night, so even his hair is not styled into spikes anymore and it’s just messily sticking out in natural directions, still a little damp from the bath. Funny—he didn’t think to wash before his big inauguration, but he washed now, when no one important is scheduled to see him?

He takes my silence as an opportunity to speak more, instead of waiting for an answer. He tilts his head, gaze slowly gliding down my body, and smirks.

“Shouldn’t you be curled on your bed next to the enormous druid, sleeping soundly? Wouldn’t he be oh so hurt if he knew you were seeking another man’s company?”

“What the fuck would you know?” I snap, his tone setting off a charge of anger inside me. “You don’t know him. Hells, you don’t know me! You don’t get to make snarky remarks about my enormous druid.”

Gortash cackles quietly and puts up his hands in a calming gesture.

“Of course I don’t.” His smirk deepens, his eyes studying my face. “But trust me, kitten. No one…” he takes a seductive little step towards me, “knows you like I do.”

“I doubt that,” I rasp barely audibly, a lump forming in my throat. My guts clench, breath shortening in panic. It’s all just an elaborate joke, I’m sure… but it feels so familiar.

“You really don’t remember,” he quips softly, as if to himself, and I can hear a hint of disappointment in his tone.

“What were we, Gortash?” I whisper, voice quivering on the cusp of a mental breakdown.

He stares at me, chewing his cheek, and his answer is a single word: “Enver.”

“What?” I scowl, anger rising again.

“My name,” he reminds me quietly. “You used to call me Enver, sweetheart.”

“Don’t call me pet names, Gortash,” I force through my teeth. “Whatever you dreamed was between us, it’s most definitely not there anymore.”

“Alright.” He presses his lips together in annoyance, but steps closer, eyes radiating something close to malice. I gulp, my hand curling into a fist, pressing to the hilt at my hip. “I won’t call you kitten, or love, or sweetheart. Those were all just words I used to tease you with.” Drawling, stretching his words, he hovers above me. “But I have earned the right to call you Talas.”

That makes me pause and I just blink at him blankly for a second. “Who’s that?”

Genuine shock colors his face. He takes a step back, mouth agape. “That you don’t remember my name, I would understand. But how do you not remember your own?”

“Because someone caved my head in, trying to kill me!” I scream, suddenly overflowing with something I haven’t felt for a while: self-pity. I feel tears prickle in my eyes and that just makes me want to yell louder. “Because someone took everything from me. And where the fuck were you when I was bleeding out into the dirt?! If you were such a shitty partner, why in the Hells did I even bother with you?”

Gortash’s features softened, pain and regret gleaming in his eyes.

“I wasn’t your keeper, Talas,” he countered. “You were always an independent force, often off on business I had no say in. But when you didn’t come back one day, I searched for you.” His eyebrows join in a pleading line. “I searched for you with every bit of resources I could spare. Then Orin muscled in on our plot and made me stop under the threat of unraveling the whole thing. I accepted you as a loss… but I mourned for a long time.”

His words eat their way into my chest like acid. I don’t want to believe a single one, but something in me knows it’s the truth.

“Don’t tell me you loved me,” I hiss. “You don’t strike me as a man who allows himself such weaknesses.”

He smirks and I bristle. I knew it. Liar!

“Love is for children,” he chuckles. “We had something much more precious. We made a great team. Your monstrosity and mine were in perfect harmony. No one understood me like you did. No one encouraged my every exploit like you did. You were such a horrible influence on me,” he purrs, his eyes half closed. “Delicious. Deplorable. Delightful.”

I gulp and shiver under the intensity of his gaze. It feels like he’s undressing me with his eyes and I can’t decide how I feel about it. I want to be disgusted, but that knot low in my belly has a different agenda. Without remembering a single minute of knowing him, my body knows it used to crave this man’s attention.

He extends his unclawed hand to me and grazes my skin. It burns and it tickles and it sends powerful signals all over my nervous system. But this is not what I want. It can’t be.

Quick as lightning, I pull my dagger out and press it to his neck in warning.

“Don’t. Touch. Me,” I filter through my teeth.

He catches my wrist quicker than I would’ve given him credit for. Instead of pulling it away, though, he presses the blade closer, almost cutting into himself. I gasp in shock, struggling against his strength. His dead eyes flicker to life, ablaze with desire.

“There she is,” he whispers almost breathlessly, biting his lip. “You seem so different… but I knew my pet monster was somewhere in there.”

“I’m nothing of yours,” I force through my dried throat, my voice failing me.

Suddenly, he moves my hand away from his neck, only to press my white-knuckled fist to his lips in a kiss. My whole body responds, buzzing in approval. “You don’t mean that,” he teases, his hot breath tickling the spot he kissed.

“Don’t do that,” I breathe out, a lump forming in my throat, making my voice sound funny.

He pulls my wrist to his mouth and licks it with a quick flick before his teeth start to nibble on the sensitive skin, sending shockwaves of ecstasy down my arm.

“Stop it,” I beg, the command I meant to utter melting into a pathetic mewl.

I twist and try to get away for a second or two, but he keeps moving lower and lower, licking, sucking, biting, and every last defense I had crumbles into ashes. It doesn’t matter that I’m someone else now. It doesn’t matter that I would never consciously and honestly team up with him again. It doesn’t matter what I think of him or what I believe he deserves.

I never had a chance. My body knows him, my body craves him. He’s like a drug addiction I never quite shook, and at the slightest sweet taste I relapse right back into him.

03 - A master. A slave.

He pulls me in, mouth still hungrily devouring my arm inch by inch, while his free hand frantically unties my cloak, revealing my simple shirt and long skirt underneath.

“You used to wear fancier things.” He side-eyes my clothing, not letting it distract him from my skin too much. “And would get mad when I tore them to shreds. This is perfect.”

My sluggish thoughts haven’t even begun to analyze the meaning in his words when he presses me flush to his chest, moving from nibbling on my shoulder to assaulting my mouth. I gasp for the breath he keeps stealing with every touch, but let him surround me and trap me with his body. I feel his desperate need mirroring my own. His taste is surprisingly sweet, with just a hint of hot spice.

“No,” I manage to mumble through our locked lips, grasping at the last straws of control. My hand is finally free—I try stabbing him in the crook of his neck. He yelps and groans, but my muscles are so useless I’ve barely scratched him. A thin streak of blood trickles out of the cut, marring the delicate fabric of his robe.

“You thought that would stop me?” he purrs, pulling the robe off his body. “Your knives left more than one scar on me. It was our thing.”

I stare at his muscly, hairy chest, mute. I see scars on his torso, criss-crossing his skin like a crude carving. That couldn’t be my doing… But the metallic scent of his blood sends a new sort of excitement through me. I know it’s my Urge, I know it’s not really me, but my will is weakened. My hand raises and cuts him again—just a little, but enough to satisfy the craving.

“Your body remembers,” he whispers into my ear, standing my hair on their ends.

His gloved hand caresses my arm and shoulder and closes around my throat. I gasp in panic, or I think I do, but heat pools in my lower regions in response. He presses a touch harder; his gold ornaments are digging into my skin, claws pinching my nape and my head is starting to swim with lack of oxygen. My fingers wrap around his wrist, but for some reason I don’t pull him away.

“Every time you hurt me, I will hurt you back,” he promises in a sweet, sin-filled voice. “Call it our love language.”

He lets go of my neck, hands roughly gripping my waist instead. He twirls us around and sits me on top of his desk. I fumble to find balance and end up sending his documents, ink and quills all over the floor. Instead of complaining, he eagerly swipes the rest of the items off the surface and pushes me down on my back.

The panic it triggers gives me back a chunk of my reason. Instead of letting him, I fight back, clawing at his bare chest with my nails and my dagger, leaving bloody gashes over his skin.

His head lulls back for a moment, which makes me realize I’m not helping at all. He’s enjoying the pain I give him. He takes fistfuls of my shirt and bends down to bite my shoulder—hard. I yelp, reaching into his hair to pull him away, but he’s already ripping clothes off of my torso, baring my skin, spilling my breasts.

“You are even more magnificent than I remember,” he rasps, grazing my curves with his gaze alone. The reverent look on his face sets my loins on fire.

I’m beginning to understand how I could’ve let him so close to me. A young, confused little thing, raised in worship of the Lord of Murder, would have no idea what love looks like. I’m still learning and stumbling, despite Halsin’s best efforts. A man who could make her feel so beautiful, so wanted among all the blood and death… such a man would have had the key to her rotten little heart.

I’m not that girl anymore. But I know that feeling. Its draw is familiar and powerful. My hands let go of his hair and fall next to my head, letting him run his rough palms across my chest and knead the pliant shape of my breasts.

His teeth close around one of my nipples and press just hard enough to shoot a barbed string of ecstasy directly to my sex. I muffle the moan with my hands. I can’t just let him win like that. I’m not doing this because I’m easy. I’m doing it so I don’t go insane.

“I missed this,” Gortash drawls, his lips and tongue making slow circles on my chest. “I missed you.” He bites into my flesh, gently, teasingly, while his hand slowly moves towards my sex. “In all your glory, Talas.”

“Stop calling me that,” I protest weakly, but he just chuckles and continues lower, and lower.

“You may not remember me,” he breathes on my folds, shamefully wet and wanton, “but I remember everything about you.”

And he dives between my thighs like a man who’s been starving and now can finally eat.

I gasp loudly, my hands instinctively grasping for something to hold onto—his hair. My legs twitch and wrap around him. I’m half worried I’m killing him, but he gives no indication of discomfort. His mouth is making the most intimidatingly dirty noises I’ve ever heard and I’m melting on his face.

All it takes him is a few minutes, stretched impossibly long in my damaged mind. I swallow the urge to scream and just grunt, not wanting to give him the satisfaction. He looks up from my lap, slick and gasping for breath, and smirks smugly. He knows I enjoyed it, no use hiding it.

He picks his robe off the floor and wipes his face, still watching me. My brain is too hazy to worry about the way I’m splayed on his desk, eaten out, undone. He props himself above me and studies my face.

“This is your most beautiful look,” he sighs, taking in the flush of my cheeks, the sweat glistening on my brow and the mess I made of my hair. “Precious little Bhaal-babe.”

I’m still coming down from the high when I feel him slip inside me. I distantly realize I should’ve gathered enough wit to stop him, but it’s too late. I squeeze around him in welcome and let out a long and thoroughly embarrassing moan. He matches me, closing his eyes.

“You still fit me like a glove.”

He’s so right. I live for the delicious stretch of Halsin’s gentle, loving thrusts—it’s the only sex I remember having, but I would kill for more—but this… Gortash feels like he was tailored specifically for me. My body knows his shape, just as it knows his touch. It’s like coming home after a long time and finding your old room exactly as you left it.

“Oh gods, I really do,” I groan as he lazily moves inside, savoring each stroke.

I wrap my legs around his waist and just enjoy the sensation, closing my eyes to ignore his intimate gaze for the sake of my sanity. If he’s trying to make me fall for him again, he’s as out of his mind as I am.

Clearly getting bored of the slow pace, he pulls me up and plops me back down on my belly. I’m too weak and needy to issue a protest, I just whine at the unexpected and unwelcome absence of him. He silences my discontent with a firm thrust that makes me gasp and clutch the edges of the desk so hard my knuckles turn white again.

“I know you love this one,” he purrs and presses my legs together with his own. “Sometimes you like to be in control. Other times you like to be controlled. You were the most fun I’ve ever had with anyone.”

I let out a growl at him mentioning his other partners while balls-deep in me. Perhaps he didn’t really want me back. Maybe he just missed the “fun”.

“You’re also the only one who made me consider settling down, Talas,” he continues as if he understood very well why his words upset me. “I wanted to breed you and watch you teach the little runt how to gut people.”

“Don’t even fucking think about it,” I sputter, miraculously finding enough ire to at least issue a warning, while still being happily pinned under him.

He chuckles. “Your response is still the same. Last time it was Daddy dearest… but you changed your mind about doing his bidding. Is Halsin aware you’re not going to give him a litter of cubs one day as he might hope?”

I don’t know how he even learned all these things about me, but I don’t care much. I grab the dagger left forgotten on the desk next to me and jam the blade into his thigh. Not deep enough to cripple, but definitely causing a lot of pain.

Gortash lets out a strangled scream, which mixes with a moan of pleasure not two seconds later. Fuck. I didn’t mean for him to like it.

What he does next pushes all irrelevant thoughts out of my head: he grabs my hair and yanks hard, pulling my head back, making my little cry sound ever more pathetic. His free hand digs fingers into my hip, holding me steady as he begins pounding into me with force.

I just open my mouth mutely, gasping for air, my eyes filling with tears. My brain turns into mush under the intensity of sensations he’s sending through my tortured body. I can’t see, I can’t speak, I can’t think. I hear a high-pitched whine through the mist around me… and I realize it’s mine. I’m screaming, lost in the sweet place between pain and complete ecstasy.

I spasm around his length so hard I can hear him gasp as well. My whole body shakes and curls into itself, a shaking, sweaty, moaning mess writhing on the cool polished wood of the desk. I can feel him swell within me, hot and ready, and I know he’s coming too—still inside me.

But I don’t care. I want it. Whatever he might hope to gain from it, I know I’m safe.

Instead of going slack like a good boy, he pulls out and flips me on my back again. He holds my legs spread, admiring what he did to me. I feel his seed leak out of me and drip to the floor. He smiles contently, dragging a fingertip across my clit, drawing out every last twitch my muscles are willing to give.

“This could be us every day,” he says softly. “Think about it.”

I don’t have an answer he would like, but he doesn’t wait for one. He picks me up in the most unexpectedly gentle way and carries me to the other side of the room. I thought he was putting me on the bed, either to sleep, cuddle or continue blissfully torturing me, but my breath hitches in surprise when he suddenly dips me into warm water. I slip into a roomy bathtub, blinking in confusion.

My brain needs a minute to restart, so I just watch him get inside with me, sitting me in his lap, cradling me. I don’t have the strength to protest. I just watch the little pinkish streaks, as water begins to wash out his wounds.

04 - This is why we can’t have nice things.

“How did you have this ready? Do you have invisible servants or something?”

Gortash chuckles and I vibrate along on his chest, making frantic little waves on the surface.

“The miracle of technology, Talas. My desk has a few convenient buttons and this tub fills and warms up automatically. I pressed one before we began.”

Well, that is convenient. I’m not sure if I want to be in this bath with him now, but it sure feels good on my exhausted muscles and aching sex. His arms around me feel nice, too, as much as I hate admitting it. I can hate a person and still enjoy their closeness, right? Right?

His hands caress me under the water and I let them.

“Good to know you bathe with your gauntlets on,” I quip, noticing the distinctive feel of metal against my skin.

He pulls his right hand up and turns it from one side to the other, letting the gold reflect the glimmer of flames in the nearby fireplace. The netherstone pulses with its own light, alive and tempting as the power it holds.

“While I’m more than happy to entertain you, I’m not letting my most prized possession just lie around for you to steal,” he smirks and I turn my head to have a better look at him, honestly impressed. “You changed. Your goals inevitably changed, too. I don’t trust you anymore, Talas.” He runs a soft finger along my jaw, dropping to the line of my neck and to my clavicle. I shiver, even submerged in warmth, too tired to correct the name this time. “If you want it for yourself, you’re going to have to kill me.”

I give him an evaluating once-over; then my eyes move to the dagger I left on the desk. His gaze follows mine and his smirk stretches more.

“Just keep in mind that those Steel Watchers outside will only take about ten seconds to join us. And even you, my dear, don’t have the skill to defeat them all naked and unarmed to get out of here alive.” His fingers trace the shape of my lips. “I would hate it if something happened to you before I had the chance to win you over.”

“You’re so full of shit, Gortash,” I sigh, laying my head in the crook of his neck. I feel too lazy to murder anyone right now, anyway. “You sent me to hunt Orin down and told me to not come back without her stone. You expect me to believe you actually give a fuck about me and care what I think about you? I’m here against your explicit orders, your lordship.”

“You came to see me surrounded by your new friends,” he grumbles and I finally hear discontent in his voice. “In the company of your new lover. What did you think I would do, fall on my knees in front of all my esteemed guests and your openly hostile troupe and beg you to come back to me?”

“Hmm, so your excuse is your pride?” I sneer. “I don’t believe a word that comes out of your mouth, no matter how trustworthy you somehow manage to sound. I only agreed to your deal because you didn’t give me any better choice. Karlach was furious. She wants you dead oh so very much. She gets really graphic, describing how she wants to kill you. You’re lucky I didn’t bring her along.”

Gortash groans and pinches the root of his nose.

“The company you keep nowadays,” he chides. “No wonder you changed so much. Every one of those bloody soft-hearted idiots putting their own opinions in your emptied mind.”

“When that’s what you wanted to do.” I nod in mock commiseration.

“I want us to be partners,” he scowls, tone wounded. “Equals. Sharing the power over the whole world. The Lord is only a part for me to play in public, while you reign over your own murderous kingdom from the shadows, unobstructed by law, unhindered by so-called heroes trying to stop you. We can have everything we’ve ever wanted. Together.”

I can’t believe how tempting he sounds right now. I close my eyes, letting my Urge surface just enough to enjoy the pure simplicity of the world he describes. I could let go. I could stop fighting for every sliver of free will. I could bathe in blood and have people worship my god through me. The Urge would be sated—I could feel the sweet rush of ecstasy from killing without worrying I might hurt someone close to me.

I would be lying if I said this vision of the future never crossed my mind. It’s an everyday struggle, trying to stay good, trying to do only good. A struggle I’m inevitably going to lose if my Urge grows in intensity for much longer. Killing Halsin. Or Lae’zel. Or Gale. The death of anyone in my camp—by my hand—would break me.

I care too much. Sometimes I imagine what it would feel like if I didn’t care at all.

“You would never tolerate any of my friends by my side, Gortash,” I say flatly. “If you really do want me, you want me all to yourself. Isolated, depending only on you. Malleable. So that if—gods forbid—I disagree with you, you could push all the right buttons and get me to change my mind, with no one to challenge your influence over me.”

I don’t know how, but I know it’s true. It’s what all people drunk on power do. The more powerless they feel without it, the more they enjoy any sliver of it they get and abuse the shit out of it. It’s why Gortash wants control over others in the first place. Inside, there’s a small, scared, unloved little boy, whose parents sold him to a devil.

I blink, my heartbeat spiking, as I realize I’ve just recalled a bit of my past—our past. Something I couldn’t have learned since the nautiloid. Was it Gortash himself, who confided in me, or did I discover this piece of history by myself? It feels like something he would keep very close and tell no one, so it wouldn’t damage the lofty image he’s trying to maintain.

“You’re just being paranoid, kitten,” he brushes me off, but his expression is no longer sporting his typical airy easiness. “When we were together, I was your confidant and your strength against the increasing demands of your Father. But you weren’t some impressionable child. You were determined and unyielding. Sharp as your blades.”

Sharp blades. Bhaal. His demands.

A sinking dread begins to fill my guts and I lift off Gortash’s chest to put some distance between us. My brain is still fuzzy, but bits of memories are beginning to float to the surface of my consciousness.

“Bhaal’s grand design,” I say in a shaking voice, “is for everyone to die for him. I was supposed to kill you, and then myself, as the last mortal alive. Did you know?”

Gortash’s eyes round in horror.

“Of course not! What kind of crazy design is that? How would he get any more murders with no one left to die?”

He’s right, but that doesn’t mean I wasn’t going to try and carry it out, anyway. Just like mad Orin is probably doing now. What a good little Daddy’s lapdog.

“But that wasn’t what you planned for yourself, was it?” I press, my voice steadying with my increasing certainty. “And so I was suddenly in the way. Just what would it take for you to turn on your closest ally? Is her planning your murder enough?”

“What are you trying to say, Talas?” he hisses, but I can see fear in his eyes.

“It was you, wasn’t it?” I growl, sliding away from him, so I can get out of the bathtub without him catching me. “You tried to kill me! Just so I wouldn’t kill you first.”

I jump to my feet, nearly slipping on the smooth wet surface, but holding my balance well enough to scramble out of the water. He tries grabbing my hand, then my leg, but I slip out of his grasp easily. I throw myself towards the desk and retake possession of my only weapon. By the time he’s out of the tub, I’m already pointing it at his throat.

“Listen to me, Talas—” he puts his hands up in a calming gesture, but I’ve had enough of his smooth words for one night.

“You picked up a fucking rock and you beat me and kicked me and tossed me against stone walls!”

I scream and I’m sure my prevalent feelings are pure rage, but out of nowhere I get ambushed by tears and sobs. My memories are still a mess, but the flashes of my body being beaten to a pulp are vivid and terrifying.

“Talas, please—”

“I bled and begged, and you teased and laughed, as if it was the funniest shit you ever got to do! And now that I’m somehow back, you’re trying to get me to believe your sweet lies, just so I won’t remember what you did to me. But I remember! I REMEMBER!”

I know I sound completely unhinged, but my chest is so filled with a mix of the worst feelings I’ve ever experienced, that it threatens to burst.

“IT WASN’T ME!” Gortash’s volume finally matches mine, making me wince and pause just enough for him to get a word in. “I would never hurt you like that! If I really had to kill you, dearest, I would’ve done it quick and clean. Because I love you, you stupid thing!”

His confession feels like a slap to the face. I didn’t see that coming. My first instinct is to pronounce it as another lie, especially in retrospect to the first time he mentioned love tonight, but my mind finally calms enough to actually think.

A man like him wouldn’t say anything like that if he didn’t mean it. It sounded… pathetic. Baring his soul similarly to revealing his most embarrassing childhood memory, knowing his feelings are unrequited. His pride would never allow him to grovel so much. Not anymore, not when he’s got a taste of actually being respected.

“Please, believe me,” he pleads, breath ragged, eyes wide. “I have no reason to hate you. This sounds like someone who had every reason. Who enjoyed your agony and loved seeing you on your knees. I. Would. Never.”

“But you…” I exhale, confused. I’ve almost had it. I’ve almost found the one responsible for my unfortunate fate. “Then who the fuck did this to me?” I whisper and stifle another sob.

“Please put down the dagger, Talas.” Gortash points at the sharp tip still hovering between his clavicles. I reluctantly lower it. I’m honestly pleasantly surprised he let me threaten him for so long without trying to disarm me. It makes me trust him just a smidge more. “And maybe we can figure it out together.”

“Stop calling me that!” I lash out annoyedly. “My name is Nara now. Deal with it.”

“When you stop calling me Gortash,” he smirks in response, his easy charm back.

I groan, rolling my eyes. “Fine. Enver,” I say begrudgingly, but the name feels much better on my tongue than I expected. I must’ve been used to calling him that, just as he said.

I turn to the desk, intent on putting the weapon back, but I freeze mid-step. A mix of stimuli, a flicker of light, a rustle of the fur rug on the floor, perhaps even a smell… and the memory of my attempted murder clears a bit more.

I see a shiny red surface with an opalescent finish. Hear a rustle of a long braid and the pitter-patter of bare feet on stone. I hear laughter again, but this time I’m not just imagining Gortash’s… Enver’s, I clearly recall a woman’s voice having the time of her life.

“Orin.”

The name falls flatly from my lips. I feel cold dread seep into my soul at the image of her. I never quite understood why she had this effect on me—until now. Even though my memory was coming up empty, she was triggering a post-traumatic response all the same, just like when my body yielded to Enver.

“Hm?”

I turn back, dagger still in my hand. I don’t plan on letting go of it any time soon. Enver watches me warily, with a hint of curiosity in his face.

“It was Orin.”

He frowns at first. Opens his mouth, presumably to defend her. Then closes it again, his features smoothing out.

“It makes sense. She took your place, both in the cult and in the Absolute plot. She wanted you gone. And she really seems to hate you, though I wouldn’t expect her to need any solid reason to kick someone to death. She would happily do it just for fun.”

I close my eyes for a second, but I only need a few gulps of breath to make up my mind. I pick up my torn and discarded clothes off the floor and put them back on, securing them in place as well as possible.

“Where are you going?”

Enver reaches for me and grabs my arm. I toss him a warning glare, but don’t move. He’s still naked and wet from head to toe, he poses virtually no danger to me.

“To hunt,” I answer plainly. “I know a mad bitch that needs killing.”

“Don’t be rash,” he shakes his head, some of the slicked back damp hair falling into his eyes. “You can’t know where she is. Or who she is. She could slaughter your whole camp while you sleep and you’d be left alone to face her. Remember, she is the Slayer now.”

“Well, since we’re counting suspects, she could very well be you,” I give him a wry smile. “But I doubt she would keep going this long, having me all to herself like that, so you’re probably safe.” He doesn’t appreciate my joke, scowling like a jack-o-lantern, concern crumpling his features. “I need to go back to my friends and figure out a way to find her before she does any real damage, Enver. I need to go now.”

He slowly lets go of my arm, letting me finish putting the cloak on.

“No need to sneak through the throne room, by the way,” he notes, watching me hide underneath the wide hood. “The Watch was instructed to let you in. If someone could really just sneak past them like that, I could easily expect Orin in your place. Thankfully, the Watch can spot the difference, with you having a tadpole.”

My eyebrows rise. So that’s why he took that bath? Did he think my unsettled hormones would lead me back to Wyrmrock to see him? I clearly never liked grimy men—and he knows it.

“You were waiting for me?”

“I was hopeful,” he confessed, dropping his gaze for a moment. “I couldn’t risk just inviting you. But at least I made sure you would get in without complications. You always did like to have all the facts.”

I chuckle and shake my head. I still believe at least half of his words are lies and most of the other half are cleverly picked and arranged bits of truth. But now I’m also pretty sure there’s something genuine in him, too. Hidden very deep, surrounded by enemies—but it’s there.

“Be safe, Talas,” he says quietly. “Nara,” he corrects himself, smiling softly. “You have your work cut out for you.”

“I’ll do my best to not disappoint,” I shrug, sheathing my dagger, stepping away.

“And will you at least consider my proposition?” He calls after me when I’m almost out the door. His voice sounds tentative. “That’s all I ask.”

I let my gaze slide down the length of his naked body, weighing my options. Well, consideration really costs me nothing, does it? It’s very unlikely that I will agree to it. I have much better prospects in my scope now—much healthier ones. But the least I can do for him is give it a thought.

“Sure,” I grace him with a little smile. “I will consider it.”

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#durgetash #gortash x durge #enver gortash #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #baldurs gate 3 #fanfiction #fanfic #smut #Durge datamining some memories #emotional trauma #good durge #resisting durge #durge x halsin #halsin bg3 #bg3 halsin

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eirenical · 8 months

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I’ve been thinking a lot about Fang Duobing and names.

(Disclaimer: I’m learning Mandarin but have very very little of it under my belt and have pulled these definitions from Yabla. If I’ve missed a major nuance, please feel free to add on. ^_^)

He’s first introduced to us as 袁健康 (Yuan Jiankang), the alias he gives at Baichuan Court when he’s participating in the tests to get accepted. 健康 means health or healthy. And when you consider his actual name, that’s... telling.

Fang Duobing (方多病), we find out not much later, is his real name. But it’s not really a name, is it? It’s what his mother and father and aunt called him as a child because he was 多病 -- often/always ill. Much later in the series, we hear from his father that his mother didn’t give him a proper name at the beginning because they weren’t sure he would make it.

The only other name he ever gets called is Fang Xiaobao (方小宝). He’s called this by his mother and aunt and eventually by Li Lianhua, as well (at first, I think this is almost ironic or teasing in nature, but becomes sincere as they come to mean more to each other, but I’ll get to that). 小宝 means “little treasure”. This is the same 宝 as in 宝贝 (baobei). From what I understand it’s the kind of affectionate pet name that parents might call their children, but isn’t... really the kind of nickname you’d use for an adult. (...unless you’re Zhao Yunlan and have absolutely zero shame and are kind of a horn dog. XD)

And this progression just fascinates me and makes me feel endlessly sad for him. He’s “always ill” to everyone he’s introduced to because he never was given a proper name. He’s “healthy” when he’s trying to break away from his family’s control and his entire past to follow his own dreams in the jianghu and Baichuan Court. And he is forever “little treasure” to his mother and his aunt who wanted nothing more than to keep him safe and coddled at home because they can’t imagine him no longer being the “always sick” child he was when he was young.

And to Li Lianhua, he starts out as Fang Duobing because that’s the only name that he knows him by, but over the course of the series that shifts. He starts calling him “Xiaobao” eventually. And at first it’s said teasingly and not in the nicest of ways. It’s a little condescending. A reminder of how young, how innocent, Fang Duobing is. A constant subtle suggestion that he should maybe go home to his mother, marry his princess, and live a safe and comfortable life. But the more he accepts Fang Duobing’s presence in his life and the connection that’s building between them, once he hears Fang Duobing call him 知己 (zhiji) and MEAN IT, once Fang Duobing starts stepping up and living up to his potential as an equal and a partner... that shifts. It becomes less ironic, less teasing, and far, FAR more sincere. More of an acknowledgement of how much Fang Duobing has come to mean to him, even if he can never put that into words.

...but it’s still not a name.

The Emperor calls his father out on this towards the end of the series and for a moment I thought we might see him given a real name at that point, and I was almost relieved when it didn’t happen. If he’s going to get a “real” name at this point, I’d rather see it be one he picks for himself or one given to him by someone who loves and understands him in ways he deserves.

So he makes his way through this story named only as a testimony to how other people feel about him: a sickly child who may be a burden, may never live up to expectations, may not live long enough to be worth naming; a treasured child who survived and, against all odds, THRIVED, but needs to be protected at all costs; a vibrant youth who’s one shot to name himself is to deny his entire past and leave it behind him... and eventually to being a treasure again, but no longer one that needs to be coddled. One that truly IS a treasure and an unexpected one: a legacy, a partner, a support strong enough for someone who refuses to rely on anyone’s strength but his own.

And that makes sense. Because at the core of it, Fang Duobing is a people pleaser. Once he finds someone he feels strongly about, he’ll do whatever he can, be whoever he needs to be, to make that person happy, to protect them. And with the way he shapes his own personality to suit those goals, he’s more of a chameleon than Li Lianhua ever was. And his lack of a real name reflects that beautifully.

...and now I’m going to go sit in a corner and cry about it some more. TT^TT

#mysterious lotus casebook #fang duobing #names #eirenical.meta #mysterious lotus casebook meta #mlcb meta #long post #just in case #fang duobing & li lianhua #fang duobing x li lianhua #could go either way #fanghua

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dnd-smash-pass-vs · 16 days

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If someone were to make a tabletop game (rpg or otherwise) about smashing monsters consensually, what would you want to see in it? What would get you to take a look at how it plays? Very open ended question I know, but I’m sure there’s a market for this.

Marked sexual themes because obviously, and I'm putting a break in since I'm more straightforward than usual. And non rebloggable so my friends don't find me mentioning this XD

If a TTRPG, I'd go for something rules-lite to keep the game flowing and fun, like Rapscallion's Vice & Violence: Salacious Sword & Sorcery Adventures for the Uninhibited & Unhinged. Haven't actually played it, but back in college my group did try to make a game like it. And in my experience it just doesn't work as much once the novelty wears off? Fun for a session, but it's a gimmick, and those tend to fizzle fast unless EVERYTHING lines up perfect. Doubly so with one like this, as it's hard to just keep that up that energy the whole time, for EVERYONE to, and to match desires for how the smashing goes. It could work for some specific groups, but I feel like the market for a TTRPG of that isn't anywhere near as large as people think it is. And this is the sort of thing that's up my alley, my first video as an adult was me and my pals reading naruto hentai. My voice went on the internet for the first time by pretending to be Hinata full of dicks, everyone laughing cause I actually shoved something down my throat for more realistic line reads (I always FULLY commit to a bit). So it's not like my group is prudes or something, we would talk about or read or watch shit together without batting an eye last I tried this sorta thing. but playing is a whole different beast.

Now one of those fancy board games could get really interesting, THAT I think has more staying power. A card battler where you're trying to wear opponents out, or a game where you're trying to get (and keep satisfied) a variety of monsters partners, or maybe just a normal board game where you're scoring by...well, scoring. Maybe different monsters are worth different points, or you're trying to fuck as many as possible? Hell, just a board game version of monster prom would work wonderfully! So to answer your question I guess, to draw me in it'd have to be more like a party game. Rules-lite TTRPG based around one-shots and short campaigns, or a board/card game that takes a few hours but commits hard to the theme.

#not tournament #answers

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yumedoca · 4 months

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And UY's third cour's final PV dropped.... which means it's time for me to share my thoughts!!

(And as usual. Ignore the shitty quality of the screenshots)

First up, I have to mention the fact that MAISONdes is doing the OP and ED again!! The new OP is 'Rock On*' feat. Hashimero, Meguru and the new ED is 'Raizakura' feat. 9Lana, SAKURAmoti. Here are the gorgeous album cover arts for both songs and oh my gosh, they are so precious!!

*It might either be 'Lock on' since the Japanese pronunciation for 'L' and 'R' sounds the same.

(Edit: Seems like it is 'Lock on' after all!!)

As for my thoughts on the songs themselves, so far they sound great, but to form a proper opinion I need to hear the whole thing as well as see how it pairs with the visuals.

Now to the actual PV itself.. (Attention: Spoilers!!)

First up, as expected, there's a lot of new footage shown. Many of them are from the episodes shown in the previous PV which I've already discussed (go read it if you haven't, since this is technically a part 2) so I'm not going to talk about any episode shown previously unless it's new or specifically worth mentioning..

First, I want to talk about the adaptation of the hilariously deceptive 'Lum becomes a cow' chapter. Let's be honest, this is hands down the funniest AtaLum chapter of all time and it looks like the remake is making the AtaLum moments in this one extra dramatic (they even added rain for more effect!) just so the final payoff would hit us in the most hilarious way possible (unless those bits are from something else but I doubt it). AtaLum enjoyers (me included) are being really well fed this cour, huh?

I don't know where these and a few others come from (please tell me if you know!!). I'm guessing the fourth one might be from the chapter about Ryu's mom since it was already confirmed previously and the montage looks like a flashback with lot of beach vibes but I might be wrong. The Kotatsu Neko one might come from the Kitsune (fox) chapter with the photo and camera since I remember a similar scene which looks like that shot, but again I might be wrong. There are a few other scenes as well (Onsen-mark getting hit, Ten hanging from a tree and such). Maybe they're anime original scenes? Who knows, but we'll know sooner enough...

That's really all I have to say anything new about the PV, everything else are chapters I've already pointed out. That aside I do have to give props to how absolutely gorgeous everything looks as well as the fluid animation. The above shot of Lum and Ten sleeping is so pretty!! There are others but there's too many to count and it's obvious which all they are. I also like how Inaba's bunny realm looks and I'm also in love with AtaLum's outfit colorings for their 'date' in the electric jungle arc, they're kinda caramel coded!! Speaking of AtaLum, the PV also showed a lot of their key moments which surprised me since I though they'd keep those a secret till the episode airs, but to be fair, it's only bits and it did end up making the PV a bit emotional.. :')

(I had space for one more image till I hit Tumblr's limit so here, have an Inaba coming out of a trash can. He looks so proud of himself XD)

Anyways, that's all for now. This cour seems to be very AtaLum focused, to the point where the OP and ED album cover arts have both Lum and Ataru in it!! But it still has other fun storylines as well and I'm excited for all the episodes, may it be big or small. There's one week left and we'll probably get next weeks episode titles on Tuesday (as how it always is). One more week, here we go!!!

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unicorngunter · 11 months

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So I'm fresh out lesmis production in Łódź and I have to make some notes in hope to draw them later :D

-This time instead of giving Javert a baton, they gave him little leather gay whip. What can I say. Slay queen

-Marius and Enjolras are the smallest of all amis. They are just little dudes just some guys. Eponine is actually taller then Marius and I love this.

-While taking Cosette from Thenardiers, Valjean clean her hands and blow up her nose with his handkerchief. Its like super super cute. Also in the end he does this little dance with her, my heart was melted ;;

-Fantine actresses are always a top tier in this production. I guess this Fantine at some point began to cry or just acted it really well. Wow. It was powerful.

-Big Grantaire guy is here again! Extra as always. This time on his "I never heard him oooh and aaah" line he actually smacked Marius on his butt at the "aaah" part". That was very Grantaire coded. During the "Red and Black" he hides behind other amis backs to actually drink (yes hes huge amd hes hiding behind them bent in a half its hilarious i love it). At the end someone presented him with a flower. Well deserved! But I have one "but". The actor like THE MOST EAGER of them all for all the revolution thing. He's always here for everything. And while it still valid, I can't stop thinking about how cool would it be for the biggest strongest guy to actually contribute nothing to the whole thing. He sure is fit for fighting, but he just won't do it. Because it's the core of the character, isn't it?

-I think I saw at least two enjoltaire hugs during the show. One while building a barricade, and one during the Drink with me, if I remember correctly. And it's hilarious because Grantaire guy is the tallest (you don't understand he's actually huge, mounting above all others). While Enjolras is the smallest. So Grantaire have to bend to hug him properly xD

-When Gavroche is shot, Valjean hands him to Grantaire and his actor put like his whole grantussy into tenderly hugging this small body. Then, like in the previous production, Grantaire leaves the stage with this small body in his hands and never actually comes back. So... Not everybody dies au?

- but what i want to say all actors are so cool! They have such strong voices and they didn't shy away from showing them. Every time I go to this production, at least one lady near me starts crying. Today a lady near me started on "Empty chairs" and weep until the end.

I'm so glad I had a chance to see this. All day on the road was totally worth it. But I regretted my choices when I got here and there was all this fair ladies standing in their fine dresses and cute makeup. And then there was me. In my fucking jeans and pink shirt x)

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py-dreamer · 6 months

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And here's the finished piece y'all!

(here's the WIP for comparison \'/\'/)

I will say, I do hope this was worth the wait and there are noticable improvements!

Honestly pretty proud of this piece!

(Also sorry I couldn't post this earlier, I had to complete some work before finishing this ^u^')

and see! I did promise Bai He the spotlight and y'all received!

I will admit, I MIGHT have gotten a bit carried away with the embelishments and embroidery but COME ON.

I know practically speaking, there wouldn't be this much embroidery and pattern on her outfit for someone living in the wild and well... a monkey BUT STILL

I just wanted her to match with Mac and achieve that gypsy look is all! I already went full force with him so why not give a little pizazz to his daughter?

(BTW, ALL members of the shadowalkers fam will eventually get their own tulle shawl/wrap thingy. You'll just have to wait for me to design Wukong & Mk)

Headcanon that Mac & Bai He made parts of their clothes together and while Mac was busy doing his own thing, Bai He befriended a cat but it got it's paws in the paint and walked all over her shawl. Then Mac comes back to the mess and Bai He decides to keep it like that. XD

Also Bai He was learning sewing and stuff (cause she rips her own clothes so often she needs to learn how to patch it up) and did the embellishments by herself and was so proud of it afterwards. (Like if Mac can get clouds on his robe in canon, then Bai He can have flowers and butterflies on her dress)

Actually y'know what? No this isn't headcanon. This is canon to the au now.

I was originally going to place the embellishments at the hem of the dress almost like a trim, but that looked too uniform so then I remembered Mirabel's dress and took inspo from that.

Additionally, I kind of retconned the purple dress in Mac's piece. I knew pink was kind of Bai He's signature but I just didn't know how well that pastel/barbie pink would fit into the foresty background but hey! We got there eventually.

You might also notice that her wristbands are present this time!

Maybe as she got older, Macaque started teaching her how to make more stuff (he is an artist after all; made his own plays, drawings, a video game) he helped her make her wristbands.

At first they were just going to have her name engraved into it but then I remembered Macaque's lantern and how it used the character for light in it's design and I thought that was super cool so I kinda stole it for my design heh...

Mei was actually a bit last minute cause Merlin wasn't in the original shot but I wanted to give Mei some screentime too since she is rather underrated. And it was a fun challenge to shade her feathers

Not much to say bout' MK, he's just good ol Mk in this one.

I will admit the hair was a little tricky here cause again: shading dark hair is a pain in the &ss but the yellow sunlight made it a bit easier

Surprisingly the hardest part of this was the background

Turns out colour picking directly from screenshots won't ALWAYS work (^~^')

hope u had fun listening to my lil au!

reblogs > likes

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andreaphobia · 1 year

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P5R Pilgrimage: I ❤️ Akechi Goro

Finding out the jazz club really exists was the highlight of this trip :)

As usual, more pics and screenshot comparisons under the cut!

First, a quick detour to talk about Penguin Sniper...

There’s actually a number of darts bars in Kichijoji, but I didn’t manage to find any that gave me Penguin Sniper vibes (do message me if you know of one, though!). In the first place, I’d always wondered why a bunch of high schoolers were allowed into a darts bar at all -- you’d expect it to have an older clientele and probably serve alcohol, fr’instance.

Then, after scrolling around the map for a bit, I noticed there’s actually a ROUND1 on the Kichijoji SUNROAD main strip. ROUND1 is an amusement store chain, kind of like an arcade that offers activities like bowling, karaoke, billiards, and darts. Since it’s an amusement center, even elementary schoolers are allowed, though I think there’s some kind of curfew for kids.

So in this particular ROUND1, the darts machines and pool tables are on the same floor...

The layout of the room is pretty close, I’d say, although the RL “bar” is actually a cashier, not a place to eat. The machines in front of the bar let you sign up for play sessions.

I thought about playing a game of darts but decided against it. x) Next time I’ll bring a friend!

Fun note: some of the dart machines make the exact same sound effects that are used in the minigame in P5R. I had a mild out of body experience hearing them go beep boop IRL xd

Anyway back to the jazz bar. XD Even the stairs down to the bar are reproduced faithfully.

The lunch menu, for interest! (I had a lunch set of an anchovy and olive tomato sauce spaghetti with a latte au lait, a slice of cheesecake, and a lime soda. Yeah ok I pigged out. I blame Akechi)

I got lucky, arriving about half an hour before the first show was scheduled, so the place was pretty empty and I got a seat at the bar. The cover charge was 1500 yen; I stayed and watched for an hour. :D

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Satou Tatsuya on sax and Michishita Kazuhiko on guitar -- hopefully I didn’t butcher the romanization of their names!

The seats depicted in the game give the best view of the live performances, and are reservation only...although for reasons of needing to face the in-game camera, you will notice that they are looking at a wall instead of the actual performance. XD

(Also, in my head this means that Akechi reserved seats for them on their date there, ahead of time. It’s how it works in real life, so it must be true!)

I took a couple of photos after customers cleared out between shows. You can see the grand piano as well as the raised seated area behind the stage, and the additional restaurant seating on the right -- there’s stairs leading both up and down to more tables.

Just a close-up of the “stage”.

A funny aside that has little to do with Akechi -- while I was sitting there enjoying my food and the music, I noticed that several other customers had with them what looked an AWFUL lot like a single American dollar. Obviously the bar is in Japan so I was wondering wtf was going on; genuinely thought I was losing my mind. Or maybe it was like some kind of secret code that I wasn’t aware of...???? IDK, I was spiraling lmao

It turns out it’s actually your check. (A dollar “bill,” I suppose.............)

Even with the cover charge, the bill came to like $30. Pretty worth for the semi-religious experience of watching a jazz performance at Akechi’s favorite place.

Ending things off with an evening shot of the place lit up :)

That’s it!

I’ve actually got more photos and videos from a couple of other places like Akihabara and the cafe that possibly inspired Leblanc, but...I’m getting tired of doing these xd So this may or may not be the last one, at least for now!

Hope y’all enjoyed the posts :D

#persona 5 #persona 5 royal #p5r #akechi goro #shuake #akeshu #p5 pilgrimage #my stuff

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party-gilmore · 1 year

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I'm. I think I'm.

ACTUALLY gonna write Fic™ for this first time in... since COVID, come to think of it.

There's been a LOOOOTTTT of little batfic babies fluttering around in my brain lately and this latest one is just... OBNOXIOUSLY loud.

Today I thought of a title out of the blue that's PERFECT for it, so... to help stay accountable, please enjoy this teaser XD

A Thousand Words (But Half The Story)

"You know, you really do look so much like your mother. I can barely see Thomas in you at all," Lex grins over the top of the champagne flute. Bruce smiles vacantly, but his nails dig sharply into the palm of his hand. The fucking nerve. Speaking as if he'd known them. "Have you ever wondered why that is?"

"Can't say that I have," Bruce chuckles dismissively. "Genetics, I suppose?"

"Mmn, yes," Lex drawls, slime oozing from every syllable. "Genetics."

When Lexcorp's latest efforst at securing a partnership with Wayne Enterprises are shot down point blank, a disgruntled Lex makes one final offer - extend the hand, or have certain truths about the Wayne's brought to light.

Bruce dismisses it as a bluff, filing it away with the other frequent toothless claims against his family. After all, they've been there, done that with his father's ties to Falcone and the Arkham's . At most, he figures it'll be something silly for the gossip rags, maybe even rank a daytime talk show or two. A little controversy always helps the "Brucie" mask, after all.

But when the photos surface - faded with age but clear enough there's no denying the entwined bodies of Martha Wayne and the family butler - the shockwaves rattle the windows of Gotham from the primetime newsrooms all the way up to Wayne Manor itself.

If Alfred's going to keep their strained little family from bursting at the seams, he'll need to cut through the fear that's wrapped his heart up tight for the past 50 years and find a way to tell Bruce the whole truth.

After all, a picture may be worth a thousand words, but the rest of the pages are wrapped up in the once warm hands of the man who stood behind the camera, and the ghost of his laugh as he coaxed his lovers into frame.

#wip #pennywaynes #this is the one that gets me writing again #i can FEEL it

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mewtwoandme · 1 year

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It's never really bothered me, but it's like that on my computer, too.

Gwen just wants to be the center of certain people's attention, I guess. XD

Yeah, I really don't know if it's a me thing or a Tumblr thing cause Tumblr almost always has issues like this so I can never tell lol

I mean, I can try going in and adjusting it to see if that'll work, worth a shot anyway

Either that or Gwen's gone rogue and is trying to take control of the blog XD

#answered ask #loupy mongoose

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bygiornogiovanna · 2 years

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Hii!! hope you are having a great day! :) I recently been dragged into a yandere rabbit hole and I’ve been meaning to share this idea with someone, what if darling is aware of the yandere concept? like daring knows the yandere loves out of selfish desires and maybe they don’t understand yandere’s aggresive side and straight up confronts Giorno about it?

and im curious how he would react. Im thinking he would rub it off saying that it is not true or he would think abt this long enough but still choosing to avoid the topic, can we have some headcanons about this? Thank you :>

What exactly are yanderes?

After being kidnapped, a question always wandered into your mind. You never understood why he was so aggressive. Screaming if you looked at other men, threatening, he went as far as leaving a man unconscious only because he asked for your number. So, when you confront him, how will he react?

Featuring; Giorno Giovanna

GN reader, except from the use of 'gattina' (idk italian so idk if it's femine or masculine xd)

A/N: Finally, a yandere request. Ngl, I was really thinking about what I could write with Yandere themes and this gave me the perfect idea. So, I might prepare one or two one-shots with our favorite yanderes~. Anyways, thank you for your request, have a nice day and enjoy! <3

You have always known what yanderes are and how they act and, in fact, it always seemed pretty interesting. Weird, but interesting. You didn't expect it to happen to you

But it did. And the truth is, it is a weird experience, with many failed attempts of escaping, punishments, gifts and other weird stuff. It's like everything that was happening was pulled straight out of a book. Somehow, with Giorno, you experienced them all;

Ah yes, Giorno Giovanna. The blonde mafia boss who had taken a like in you. You couldn't say you hated Giorno, he wasn't that bad. If you followed his rules, which were simple, showed him affection and didn't try to escape, eveything was fine. You were getting what you wanted, the moment you wanted it and you were basically spoiled in gifts and affection;

Well, that was when he was calm. And he was pretty easy to piss off when it came to you. Didn't give him his kiss the moment he entered the house? Punishment. Didn't like his gift? Punishment. Didn't thank him immediately for his gift? You guessed it, punishment. Oh, and don't get me started if you ever looked at other person. At home, he will throw a tantrum, claiming you were cheating on him, even if that was impossible since you never left his mansion;

So, after some time, you decided that you had to ask him why was he acting like that. You weren't sure if he would answer you, but it's worth the shot. What could possibly go wrong?

Said and done, you were now heading to Giorno's office, the place he was spending 60% of his time, when he was home, of course. Knocking softly, knowing he hates people who enter without doing so, you wait. "Enter" he said and the sound of papers being moved around could be heard. You walked into the room, closing the door behind you, a smile plastered on your face;

"What is it, gattina?" Giorno's face held a small smile at the sight of you, but his eyes seemed tired. "Have you been working all day again?" you asked, a hint of worry in your voice. You couldn't help but worry about him, after all, he was stll a human. One that was crazy over you, but still a human. He hummed and pushed his chair back, opening his arms; his way of telling you he wants a hug.

You complied and went into his lap, burying yourself in his arms. "You know, I always had this question..." you started and Giorno raised a brow as he waited for you to continue. "Why are you so aggressive? Like, I know that's what yanderes are usually like this, but why?" you asked and he just stared at you dumbfounded;

Yandere? So you knew about this topic? It was the first time that someone left Giorno this dumbfounded. "I don't think I get what you're saying, amore. You've never actually seen me being...aggressive" he tried to play it cool, not wanting to go into detail about why he was the way he was;

"Giorno...You left a man unconscious because he asked for my number. I'm not judging you, I'm just curious! Are there other types of yanderes? Also, why are you feeling the need to be-" "Enough." he stopped you, raising a hand. "You are talking nonsense. I don't know where you heard all of those things, but I want you to stop." Giorno said, clearly annoyed by your insistence;

That's how it went every single time you tried to ask him about that. He mostly told you to shut up, ignored you or avoided the subject. You had a feeling that, if you kept going you were either going to make him talk or get yourself a punishment;

"Come on, Giornooo. I want to know" you whined again, clinging onto his arm while he was cooking. He let out an annoyed scoff and ignored you while preparing the ingredients. The man loved your attention but he hated the fact that you asked him that stupid question. It's been a week, why were you still insisting? Sighing, he stopped and wiped his hands, pushing you a little far away from his body. He took your face in his hands and gave you a peck.

"And I want you to shut up and just stay with me without making me lose the last bit of sanity that I still have. Now be my good pet and stop asking me that stupid question, okay?" Giorno said with a small smile and, by the look from his eyes, you knew this was your last warning.

A/N: Nah you can't tell me Giorno doesn't call his darling 'pet'. I hope you liked this. Reblogs are appreciated <3

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allthefujoshiunite · 8 months

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Sorry I hit the ask button before finishing. My fav trope are age gap ( > 5 years and even more), height difference and teacher-student relationship. Do you have any BL that fits either or mix of the above? I don't mind smut (explicit) but not a fan of pwp (just smut story).

Again, sorry if I'm too demanding, hope you have a good day @allthefujoshiunite 🍀🌼

Aaand we’re back. You literally listed some of my fave tropes there so BOY do I have recommendations! Not a fan of PWP either, so rest assured.

Let’s get this party started ~

Age gap + height difference + teacher/student

Young Bad Education (Dayoo): I fell in love with Mizusawa’s eyes on the cover and bought the volume in Japanese years ago without an ounce of idea what the story was about. No regrets. Young Bad Education and its continuation Young Good Boyfriend will feed your soul. You can read it on Manga Planet (Futekiya).

Hitorijime My Hero (Memeco Arii): This title is a classic so you might have already seen it but just in case. Hitorijime My Hero has an anime adaptation as well (I’m anime-only) and the manga has a spin-off with the side couple as far as I know. The height difference is less pronounced here but if you’re like me and you love delinquents as well, this will be your jam.

The Trees in Spring (Nakaoka Naka): I’m kind of cheating but I’ll do anything to recommend this title! MCs here are a teacher and student, but the teacher isn’t teaching the student, they meet each other in a different way. I have reviewed this title before and take any chance I can get to recommend it, so there you go!

Age gap + teacher/student

Warbler, Sing of Spring (Nago Nayuta): I felt like they don’t have height difference (and checked the first chapter again) but the MCs are always drawn in weird angles so I’m not sure. Another title with the delinquent sprinkled on top. Really enjoyed reading this, Nago Nayuta’s works have a cuteness I like and the uke in Warbler is kind of unhinged xD Love him!

The Neighbor I Desire (Makoto): This one started off a bit weird for me but I can assure you it’s super cute! I have written a review before so if you want more details, here you go.

The Good Teacher (Eeej): Another title I reviewed before. It’s pretty, fun but short and while the plot is not this series’ strongest point, I think it’s worth giving a shot.

Age gap + height difference

Love for Sale (Dal Hyeon-ji): It’s official, you guys. I will literally disintegrate if I don’t recommend Love for Sale, the doctor said it not me. But honestly, do yourself a solid one and read it if you still haven’t. The pinnacle of ultimate goodness. I wrote on LfS before but since the post contaşns spoilers and is more about sugar dating than a review, I’ll spare you the link. On Lezhin.

Love Me Doctor (ANA): Another series I constantly recommended on Twitter and got a couple of unassuming, kind-hesrted people to read it with me as well. Focuses on a university student and a urology doctor he had tovisit for his ED. If you’re comfortable reading a title where a doctor kind of uses his position to get to know a patient and stepping over boundaries, please give it a chance! TOTALLY worth the time. On Lezhin.

On or Off (A1): Can’t say I understood the drama with the artist and the series being wrapped up rather quickly, but I read this popular webtoon with joy! Not as big of a fan as the rest of the BL fans but if youdig these two tropes I think it’s worth checking out. On Tappytoon, but I think TOKYOPOP has released it in print.

Metro (Chika Hongo): This is more of a dramatic title, where a high school student is being touched regularly by the same man on the train and he likes it, until one day he follows him home upon being invited. If you prefer a story that’s laced with trauma and flawed characters, this is for you! On Manga Planet.

Pound Cake on a Sunday (Amida Shizuku): Man this series is SUPER funny that I had to reread today! A father and son lives alone after the mother’s passing and one day, out of the blue, the father starts complimenting the new transfer to the company about how he’s so beautiful or saying how shiny his hair is. Is his father gay? Did he finally lose it? Read and find out! Very different from your usual BL, worth your time!

Bonus - I’m a Dom and I Want You To Stroke My Head (KINACO): Has dom/sub universe (a big fan) height difference as well, but it’s a teacher x teacher pairing.

Whew! Sorry it took a lot of time to write because it’s not so easy to format these posts on the app, it seems. I hope you like my selection and as always, let me know if you liked anything from the list! I’m always eager to know what people think after reading something I’ve recommended. See you around!

#allthefujoshiunite answers #bl manga #bl manhwa #yaoi recommendation #yaoi manhwa #bl recommendation #yaoi manga #metro #on or off #love for sale #love me doctor #the good teacher #the neighbor i desire #warbler sing of spring #young bad education #hitorijime my hero #the trees in spring

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tarisilmarwen · 9 months

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Rebels Rewatch: "Twin Suns"

In which the end of the Malachor arc is profoundly beautiful.

First off, obligatory live reaction version from 2017.

Second, I would be remiss if I did not link back to this close read of "Twin Suns" (by greenreticule here on Tumblr), from which I draw quite a bit of my own analysis and opinions about the themes and messages of the episode. Check it out sometime, there's ten parts (technically eleven but the last post in the series is more of a memoir/personal reflection by the author and therefore not as relevant to our meta purposes) and it is a loooooong read but worth it, in my opinion. I don't always agree with every single point of the analysis (the stuff about the Sequel Trilogy, for example) but there's a lot of things that resonate and that I incorporate into my own interpretation of the episode so I figured I'd mention the source.

Onwards!

Rather appropriately we open on a shot of the titular twin suns themselves.

The next series of shots are stark and empty, nothing but the vast white desert, emphasizing the loneliness and isolation of both Tatooine itself, and Maul in particular.

And he is not, ah... taking Ezra's rejection or the long wanderings out in the desert well. To say the least.

From this first opening monologue we can already tell that Maul is fraying. He spent ten years in the depths of madness and it seems like he's descending into madness once again. Even his clothing reflects this, sandblasted and torn, a ragged hood recalling the one he wore at the beginning of Malachor as he feigned being weak and decrepit, and uneven wrappings circling his arms, asymmetrically.

His mood swings from "Visions and Voices" are more pronounced, one moment warbling pitifully about being lost, about being so close to his target, the next shrieking Obi-Wan's name skyward like an obscenity.

Obi-Wan has managed to elude him all this time since Dathomir, and Maul is beginning to get desperate.

RIGHT, SO THIS IS THE PART WHERE I GET BACK INTO MY BLUBBERING KENOBI SHOW FEELINGS BECAUSE "JEDI CANNOT HELP WHAT THEY ARE. THEIR COMPASSION LEAVES A TRAIL. THE JEDI CODE IS LIKE AN ITCH. [THEY] CANNOT HELP IT." AND SOB FOREVER ABOUT HOW WHOEVER IT WAS ON THE WRITING TEAM THAT CAME UP WITH THAT RAW-ASS LINE, THEY UNDERSTOOD THE ASSIGNMENT.

So not only is this a callback to the previous times Maul lured Obi-Wan out to him in TCW, this now also a call-forward to Kenobi and I just want y'all to appreciate for a moment that Maul is using the exact same tactic on two different Jedi, simultaneously.

Maul is luring Ezra and taking advantage of Ezra's compassion, hero complex, guilt complex, and sense of hyper-responsibility, in order to then exploit Obi-Wan's compassion and protector-guardian streak, so that he can kill Obi-Wan when Obi-Wan comes to Ezra's rescue.

Because that's what Jedi do, that's what Jedi are, the Jedi Code is like an itch they cannot help it--frick man, I'm already emotional and we're not even two minutes in.

A general overview of the music this episode, and I'll comment on specific cues as they happen, but I mostly want to point out the frequent lack of music, actually. This episode is very stripped down in terms of theme and instrumentation and there are long stretches of utter silence, to help us absorb the atmosphere. It's very effective in making Tatooine feel utterly desolate, like we're alone on this journey with the characters.

This episode had originally been very ambitious, we've been told from behind-the-scenes commentary, longer, more complex, a lot more plot points, but as it was coming together they very wisely pared it way down to the barebone tacks, cutting out all the excesses and stripping things down to a simple character journey narrative, making the resulting story that much more profound and intimate.

(Plus the saved budget allowed us to get some absolutely gorgeous animation and new pajamas for Ezra. XD)

He looks so comfy in them.

This sequence is heavily styled after the cold open in "Legacy", camera movement and shot choice almost exactly matching. This is not a coincidence, as the basic premise of both episodes is the same: Ezra receives a vision through the Force, and it moves him to action.

Unlike in "Legacy", however, when the Force itself was moving to comfort Ezra and connect him to the voices and images of his parents one last time before their death, this vision is artificially constructed, sent to him by Maul--like the ones in "Visions and Voices"--to deliberately manipulate him, pull him away from his support network, make him act out of fear.

A false Call To Action, in an artificial Hero's Journey narrative that Maul has constructed for Ezra to follow. (More on that later.)

Side note, completely unrelated to all this meta, but an observation I just want to point out: It's the middle of the night and Kanan is not in his room on the Ghost. Where exactly was he eh? Perhaps a certain Twi'lek pilot's room? *eyebrow waggle*

Anyway, after Ezra's Weird Force Tele-Distance Holocron Call we move to a scene that is a bit heavy in the exposition department, by virtue of it having to hold the burden of the extra plotlines they pared down. It's maybe not quite as effective as it could have been but it serves its purpose: It establishes that they identified the "desert planet with two suns" as Tatooine sometime offscreen, and that they asked about Obi-Wan and Bail Organa lied through his teeth about the man being dead. So therefore they must have decided to give the matter up, and let Maul chase ghosts in the Tatooine sands.

Rex being clearly distraught at Obi-Wan's assumed death. :(

Kanan also reminds Ezra that the last visions he got from and about Maul were a trick designed to manipulate him.

Ezra's insistent though, as he always tends to be whenever the notion of being able to obtain "the key to destroying the Sith" pops up. So Hera takes him aside for a moment.

Her face and how often she touches Ezra's arms and shoulders in this scene hurts. :( And the strain in her voice when she asserts that if Obi-Wan were alive he wouldn't be hiding in the desert, he'd be helping them, Hera understands Jedi nature too, she just hasn't gotten the full picture, doesn't know the reason why Obi-Wan is doing... well... exactly that.

This is where the story beat parallels to "Legacy" end, because this time, Ezra does not receive Hera's blessing to go. Instead she reminds him, rather sternly, that he is supposed to be there with them, planning the attack on Lothal, she needs him and his focus here.

Recall Yoda's line about Luke: "Never his mind on where he was. What he was doing." Since all the way back in Season Two, when his mere presence started to become a danger to the safety of his friends, Ezra has been growing more and more obsessed with finding a way to kill the Sith, whenever Maul turns up more distracted. It ties straight back into his motivation for becoming a Jedi in the first place that he told Yoda in "Path of the Jedi".

"I just want to protect myself and my friends. And not just them, everyone. I'll protect everyone."

Ezra has an abundance of that natural Jedi urge to protect (planted by his parents, nurtured by Hera), the itch inside him intermingles with his clingyness and attachment to his Ghost family in particular. When everything went wrong on Malachor he internalized that failure severely, and his natural Jedi compulsions went overdrive into a crippling sense of hyper-responsibility, magnified by his guilt and leading him down the same path Anakin walked--seeking more power, from dubious and deceitful sources, in order to prevent another personal tragedy from happening to him again.

His desire to protect got twisted into attachment, into a clingy possessiveness, into a fear of more potential loss. In this way his flirtations with the Dark Side mirrored Anakin's, though ultimately Ezra never went far enough that he wasn't able to come back, the disaster at Reklam and his reconciliation with Kanan enough of a kick in the head from the Force for him to be all, "NOPE, I REGRET EVERYTHING, I'M NOT DOING THAT AGAIN."

But even though Ezra came to his senses and rejected the Dark Side, he was still not on the right path. The aftereffects of Malachor remained and he kept letting that Sisyphean unattainable goal of defeating the Sith--himself, personally, or else personally enabling it to happen--pull him away. Kept letting it move him out of place in the narrative.

He was supposed to be here, Hera needed him here. "You're in the wrong place, Ezra Bridger," Obi-Wan tells him gently, later. Ezra lets Maul, lets his obsession with destroying the Sith, yank him out of order in the cosmic destiny of things.

The Force has a place for him. But it is here and not there.

But he kind of has to go on this perilous journey for it to finally kick in.

(One of the scenes I do kind of wish they had kept from the original extended plot is the one where Hera and Kanan and Zeb all kind of commiserate about how "the kids", meaning Ezra and Sabine, are growing up and leaving home, and how they have to let them go, even if they might make bad choices, really playing into that whole parental angle and explaining why they didn't immediately rush off after Ezra.)

Despite Ezra's half-hearted assurance to Hera, it's clear he has no intention of obeying her order to stay put. His sense of impulsive hyper-responsibility is too strong, he's following the same instincts that led him to obsess over and misinterpret his other two major Force visions.

So he swipes a training A-wing.

He's such a little shit I love him. <3

This is the point of no return and Ezra is unwittingly drawn into Maul's trap, which mimics the beats of a classic Campbell Hero's Journey.

Joseph Campbell, for reference, is a writer and philosopher who purported the idea of the monomyth, that in all stories and all mythologies across cultures there are similar patterns and cycles. His Hero's Journey is often styled as a closed circle ("It ends where it began."), with a dividing line between the Known and Unknown worlds and various stops and characters and plot elements mentioned along the sides. The Hero's Journey monomyth, incidentally, was one of George Lucas's major inspirations for writing Star Wars, wanting to create one such classic mythological narrative.

So we have all the elements in place here. We have the Call To Adventure (the distorted holocron message). We have the Refusal Of The Call (Hera ordering Ezra to stay and him initially not fighting her). We have the Supernatural Aid (the pieces of the holocron that function as some kind of magic compass). We've outmaneuvered the Threshold Guardian and crossed over into the Unknown (Ezra swiping the A-wing from under the technician's nose). Along the way we'll pick up the Ally or Helper (it's revealed Chopper snuck along and went with him). And we will be facing Trials, Tests, and Tribulations (everything from the initial Tusken attack to braving the harsh elements of Tatooine's unforgiving sand and heat).

...But it's all wrong.

See, Ezra has already answered the Call to his own Hero's Journey, the one that started for him all the way back in the pilot, when he returned Kanan's lightsaber and crossed the Threshold into the Unknown world of being a Rebel and a Jedi Padawan. This falsely constructed cycle Maul has drawn him into is not his narrative. It was never intended to bring him enlightenment, never intended to complete, only to be used to further Maul's selfish ends.

That Ezra manages to find enlightenment and complete the cycle anyway is something that happens in spite of Maul, and not because of him, and takes some severe course-correcting from Obi-Wan. Over and over this episode we'll hear this idea repeated, that this was not where Ezra was supposed to be in the story, it's not his job or responsibility to deal with Maul, he is where "[he] should never have been".

We'll table that for now and come back to it, have a moment to enjoy some pretty caps.

Thus far, music-wise, we've had a couple ominous cues, and a bouncy jaunt full of Rebellion flutes and brass as Ezra made his escape, in between a couple of the aforementioned long bouts of silence. There's a bubbly little bit when Chopper is discovered. (And I can't even tell you how much I love the touch with Ezra startling so bad he smacks the A-wing cockpit window and bumps the steering column so that the ship swerves out of place--PART OF THE METAPHOR MUCH?) Soft vocals filter in as Ezra consults the holocron shards, holding in long, mystical notes. A lone viola sounds, mournfully. Higher strings sound with spiritual reverence as Ezra gets out of the A-wing, as if to suggest his goal, his enlightenment, is just up ahead.

Then, darker notes like a pulsing heartbeat. The voices go discordant.

Then the Tuskens attack and hell breaks loose.

One of the underlying threads this episode is Ezra and Chopper's devotion and loyalty to each other so I really like how, even though Ezra told him to find cover, Chopper doesn't and charges in to get a Tusken off Ezra instead. Ezra in turn shields him with his own body when the Tuskens score hits that make the A-wing explode.

And that's Ezra's, "I'm in so much trouble." look lol.

Maul, meanwhile, decides to go ahead and murder all the Tuskens and I would not fault you for thinking back to another lightsaber-fueled Tusken massacre.

In fact, probably any parallel or allusion you think of during this episode is in all likelihood deliberate. Frankly I'd argue that this is one of the most important episodes of the show, with how integral it is to Ezra's character arc.

Which is why it was so annoying and asinine that people complained that Ezra took up most of the episode's focus and whined that it should have been only about Maul. Hello, do you understand the concept of a protagonist?!

Speaking of allusions though, we get some lovely call backs to "Visions And Voices" with Maul once again letting Ezra hear him inside his head and catch fleeting glimpses of him, this time in order to lure him further out into the desert. Maul is still trying to keep him in the false cycle, tempting him away from escape.

And Ezra's sense of hyper-responsibility, of This is all my fault and I have to fix it, leads him right down Maul's preordained path.

"I have to help Master Kenobi, if I can." As if Obi-Wan needs any help dealing with Maul, ha ha.

Another moment of pure heartwarming loyalty from Chopper here, he has the opportunity to keep going along the path to safety, but begrudgingly chooses instead to stay with Ezra, through thick and thin.

Ezra once again returns the favor by refusing to leave his side when he runs out of power.

Subtle animation appreciation moment: The way Ezra staggers, looking completely exhausted. Also the sandblasting in his hair and clothes kjhfkasjfha.

Taylor's acting here is heartbreaking, he makes Ezra sound SO lost and scared. :(((((((

Maul decides to rub things in a bit and oh hey some mirror dialogue here, eerily similar to a certain exchange in "Gathering Forces". :D

Grand Inquisitor: The Darkness is too strong for you, orphan. It'll swallow you up even now. Ezra: No. Grand Inquisitor: Your master will die. Ezra: No! Grand Inquisitor: Your friends will die, and everything you've hoped for will be lost. This is the way the story ends. Ezra: NO!

And in comparison:

Maul: He is dead... He is dead. Ezra: No... Maul: You led me to him. Ezra: No. Maul: You failed your friends. Ezra: No! Maul: You will DIE!" Ezra: NOOOO!

~It's like poetry, it rhymes.~

Also this is terrifying.

So I've legitimately teared up like... twice watching this show. This was one of the times. This moment right here where Obi-Wan's feet step softly into frame.

Yeah it got me.

Cut to... Night. A quiet campfire. Ezra comes to and things are suddenly put into perspective.

"You're in the wrong place, Ezra Bridger."

(The voice they got for Obi-Wan is perfect btw, sounds just like Alec Guinness.)

Obi-Wan explains gently that he is not "the key to defeating the Sith". He never was. Maul's desires muddied the holocron vision, he used Ezra to get his own answers and left Ezra with only partial answers. Because Obi-Wan is associated with the key to defeating the Sith but he's not the Chosen One.

And neither is Ezra.

He is a narrative "chosen one", a key player picked by the Force, imbued with purpose, but defeating Vader, killing the Emperor... that was never his task to take. After the loss he suffered in "Legacy" Ezra had been letting himself get obsessed with the idea that he could fix that problem--the problem of the Sith--himself.

But that is not his role in the story.

It is not yet sunrise (Luke and Leia). So the moon (Ezra) must endure.

"You win by killing an Inquisitor." "No, you win by surviving."

Ever since before Malachor, Ezra has been stepping outside his station, trying to do things he was never meant to do, instead of what he was supposed to do, which was to help the people in front of him, right now, do what good he can in the moment. (Something that he'd gain clarity on via a falling out with Saw in Season Four.)

"What you need, you already have."

Ezra lost sight of that in the grief over his parents, in his guilt over Malachor. He was never going to be the one to defeat the Sith. Yoda and Obi-Wan both knew the only ones who even stood a chance... would be Vader's children. Maybe Ahsoka. Perhaps that was even why Yoda advised going to Malachor, to test and see if Vader could be saved, or killed, by his former padawan. Someone who he might have had a strong enough attachment to that it would cloud his judgement. (Just as Obi-Wan's mere presence would drive Vader mad with irrational murderous rage and yet, paradoxically, a cloying need to have him back.)

"We asked for a chance to destroy the Sith... and we failed."

Vader has no connection to Ezra, therefore Ezra will not be the one to end him.

His task is to endure, keep the darkness back, and hold the line until the narrative chosen one who will do that task (Luke) is ready to take up the sword. This is not Ezra's role in the story. He has his own destiny, his own part to play in the Rebellion.

And he needs to return to it.

Obi-Wan closes the broken cycle for Ezra, rescuing him from The Ordeal or Abyss, and sending him back to the Known world with the Boon (his sage wisdom) irregardless of how false the path there to him was. Ezra is freed from the obligations, responsibilities, and burdens he wrongly took on himself... to return home, and rejoin his own Hero Cycle.

And then all that's left is to "mend this old wound". (Maul)

Maul has what he wanted, or so he thinks. His old enemy, his past, ready for the killing. His future and legacy, his apprentice, within reach for taking.

But things have changed. Obi-Wan is older, wiser, more serene and at peace with himself and with the Force, in spite of all he's suffered. He has grown from his failures, let go of the past, and found balance, while Maul has regressed, repeated the same mistakes, clung to the hurt and pain in his past and deteriorated, been sucked almost dry by the Dark Side.

And Obi-Wan pities him.

Maul is scalded by this, upset that after everything he's endured, Obi-Wan seems to have taken no ill effect. And it's not like Order 66 and Anakin's betrayal didn't hurt him (hell we have all of the Kenobi show to demonstrate otherwise) but that he's processed those emotions and feelings and traumas, and returned to a settled baseline. He is more a Jedi now than ever, and revenge is not the Jedi way.

And can I flail a little bit inarticulately for a moment about the dichotomy between Obi-Wan's "I had no intention of fighting him, though that seems inevitable now." and Thrawn's "It was not my intention to utterly destroy Lothal but that is inevitable now."?

So Maul digs for something to bait Obi-Wan with, touching about the reason he's there on Tatooine to begin with, discerning that there is someone that Obi-Wan is protecting. Notes of Sith vocals creep into the music here, a sequence that sounds like Maul's arrival on Tatooine from Phantom Menace ("It ends where it began.").

And with this implicit threat towards Luke, Obi-Wan ignites his saber.

SO much ink has been spilled about this duel. I was surprised at how short it was at first too, but it makes perfect thematic sense in hindsight. The way Obi-Wan slowly baits Maul, drawing Maul's mental frame of mind back to Naboo, because he knows that Maul is stuck in the past, constantly reliving that moment of triumph and defeat over and over again, fixated on it as the shatterpoint where things in his life first went wrong. He can't let it go. He can't move on. He has to keep going back to that moment over and over to make things "correct" and kill the one he pins the blame on for his pain. (But this will not fix him, even if he accomplishes it.)

An entire story is told solely through foot placement and stances. Maul moves through the stances he's used in duels with Obi-Wan before. Obi-Wan shifts through his classic New Hope lightsaber grip, to his iconic Soresu.

And then he switches to Ataru, to the same stance Qui-Gon used.

The music has been tense throughout, but now the Force Theme creeps in. There's a flare of recognition in Maul's eyes; He knows this, this is familiar.

So he lunges, using the same lightsaber trick that he used to kill Qui-Gon...

...except it doesn't work.

I love the look of quiet realization and acceptance in Maul's expression. It's just like, "......Oh."

Maul submits and falls in defeat, into his enemy's arms, yet another parallel to Phantom Menace, to the start of everything between these two men. And then he asks something heartbreaking: Is Obi-Wan protecting the Chosen One? The one who would defeat the Sith?

And because Obi-Wan no longer believes that Vader can be saved, he answers yes. (Amazing how well this scene fits with the later Kenobi show.)

With his dying breath, Maul finally recognizes his true enemy, accepts and forgives Obi-Wan as his brother, as a fellow victim of Palpatine, and declares with almost prophetic insight, "He... will avenge us."

Not take revenge, avenge. As Trilla Sundari would admonish Cal Kestis in the Jedi Fallen Order video game, Maul also asks for restitution and justice with his last words.

(I do kind of wish we got one brief reaction shot from Ezra as he sensed Maul passing, just for confirmation that he knows. It's inferred but still.)

Back with Ezra as he returns home with the Boon, and he's also claimed the prize of Maul's ship, the Mandalorian gauntlet. (Again, just the briefest scene of him finding it, that would have been nice.)

"I was wrong. This is where I'm supposed to be. You're my family. And we should go home."

Ezra has finally forgiven himself for Malachor, completed the arc he started in "Legacy" (or maybe even earlier), and returned to his proper place. His family accepts him back with the laying of hands like a benediction.

And meanwhile, just to wring your heart one last time, we return to Tatooine, to watch Obi-Wan watch over Luke from a distance, a scene drenched in OT nostalgia, from using the exact audio of Aunt Beru calling Luke to closing us out with Luke's Theme and Binary Sunset for the credits, reminding us that the shadow will not hold sway forever.

Eventually, the sun will rise. And a new hope will emerge.

Trust in the Force.

Man, there aren't enough words to tell you how much I love this episode. It's so beautiful and poetic and thematic. It's the lynchpin of Ezra's character development, he needed to be in this episode, to go on this journey. It's gorgeously animated and there are so many many layers of parallels and themes, motifs and archetypes, that tie into the monomyth in general and Star Wars in particular. I'm astonished how well it melds with later canon material (JFO and Kenobi), but I guess that just speaks to how true to the spirit and essence of Star Wars it is.

It's just beautiful.

#star wars #star wars rebels #ezra bridger #obi-wan #kenobi #rebels rewatch #liveblog #meta rambling #long post #music #soundtracks #this is a pro jedi blog #i love rebellion era jedi they come pre traumatized #rebels rambles

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