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heesdreamer · 1 year

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ECHOES OF RIOT

PAIRING ➩ heeseung x reader

SUMMARY ➩ falling inlove with a rockstar is never easy, especially when he returns to your hometown on a successful tour three years after you lost contact

WARNINGS ➩ this is like straight up angst… romance but mostly angst lol.. drug use, some violence, idk can’t really remember this is ridiculously long

WC ➩ 19.1k

AUTHORS NOTE ➩ well this took me forever lol.. i don’t have much to say i just hope you like it. NOT PROOFREAD normally written at 4am lol the usual.. also side note one of the main characters was chaeyoung and i changed her to heejin for obvious reasons so if you see any of her name left over that’s my mistake and that’s why.

You weren’t exactly sure how you ended up like you did, so meek and quiet to the point that it was an actual hinderance on your daily activities.

If you were born like that, just one of those kids that was too shy to talk to their classmates and hid behind their moms legs on the first day of school, you’d completely understand but you’d actually been nearly the opposite for your entire life.

Maybe it was an accumulation of always feeling like you were taking up too much space, being on the receiving end of quick glares from teachers when you lacked volume control or seeing the hesitance on your friends parents faces when they excitedly asked if you could come over for a sleepover. Mixed with your own sudden self awareness going into high school.

You quickly realized that it wasn’t the loud girls getting asked out on dates and it was an almost immediately decline into self intrusion once you made this discovery.

It wasn’t like you necessarily wanted to be asked out by anybody, physically recoiling as your friends gossiped about the mass appointed hottest guys at your school and turning up your nose when they made sleazy attempts to flirt and court the other girls around you, but it felt embarrassing to be constantly left out of romantic group hangouts or discussions about experiences you’d never had.

Still, you had managed to keep a solid group of friends despite your newfound habit of self isolating and they only halfway judged you for your tendency to stay in on the weekends.

On the other half however, they weren’t so forgiving, hence why you were currently stood outside a low scale concert venue shivering so hard you were worried you’d chip a tooth. You were pulling your zip up hoodie tighter around your body and sending glares to your friends who were chatting animatedly about the band they were going to see.

Apparently it was composed of some boys around your age, not attending your school but well known enough that they had been invited to some of your friends parties and events and eventually your friend group had been given tickets to one of their shows.

You weren’t the biggest fan of crowds in general but especially concert goers and you’d been promised that this one would be chill and relaxing, something you automatically knew was a lie the second you left the cab and saw the attire of everybody around you. The line was buzzing with energy and adrenaline and you could hear the acts doing soundcheck from inside, music loud and heavy.

It was freezing and as much as you were dreading being pushed into a crowd with jabbing elbows and sweat rolling off their skin onto yours, you were ready to get out of the line as more and more snow kept falling down onto the uncaring crowd.

“Aren’t you excited?” Your head was turning at the sound of a soft voice coming from your right and you smiled softly at one of your calmer friends.

“Sure Sunoo. It’ll be fun.” You were replying quickly, not needing them to feel awkward or guilty about bringing you just because you didn’t necessarily want to come. You figured he could tell you were lying by the pity filled look he gave you but he didn’t call you out for it.

He didn’t say anything else for a second and he didn’t get a chance before the doors were opening and the line was surging forward, already getting your tickets checked while you waited and turning into a blob of people and excitement all trying to squeeze into the single door.

You were groaning softly at the feeling of being jostled around but you couldn’t help but laugh at the fact all of your friends were linking arms and declaring to stay together, slightly envious of the pure delight on their faces whilst your heart was starting to ache from the anxious way it was pounding. You let yourself be dragged through the crowd by them, closing your eyes for a second when you pushed through the tightest areas and just allowing them to guide you through it.

The venue was more so just a bar with a small stage but your friends had told you that these were the best types of places to see a show at, intimate and ear shattering loud.

They’d said the last half with an enthusiastic giggle but you had winced softly at the image of how close you’d be to the large speakers that you now saw adorning the stage. It was dark in the building and your shoes were sticking to the floor beneath you, lights turned a deep glowing green and something more casual playing over the speakers to fill the silence.

You’d followed behind them as they found a spot near the bar, safely tucked away from the crowd and planning to wait out the opening acts here to preserve their energy. They all agreed to push into the crowd once the main band came out and try to get as close as they possibly could, looking over at you for acceptance and all smiling and patting your back when you gave a sheepish nod.

It wasn’t that bad and you were quickly getting used to it, the thick cloud of cigarette smoke settling over you and only making you slightly dizzy now.

You felt a bit embarrassed and out of place but everybody else was too excited or drunk to notice that you weren’t exactly in the most appropriate attire. Sunoo had shot you a questioning glance when you’d gotten into the shared cab but you only just now realized you weren’t fitting in with the rest of the crowd or your friends even slightly.

The difference between you and them was even more evident when the owner of the bar was stepping onto stage and excitedly announcing the first artists, all your friends cheering and holding onto each other while you sat and watched from one of the bar stools.

You were still able to have fun as you watched them, smiling softly at the way they kept instinctively moving forward together as the music started and they screamed the lyrics. You didn’t recognize the songs that the band was covering but you knew enough about music to tell it sounded amazing, watching them closely as they skillfully played off of each other and got the crowd properly amped up.

You’d never really understood the purpose behind opening acts but you were getting it now considering you were feeling more and more excited for the main band as you kept watching.

Then more time had passed and the crowd had entered that stage of being too excited and too intoxicated to really understand boundaries and limits, a few fights breaking out that your friends didn’t bat an eye at but you were starting to feel a really deep pit building in your stomach.

It only worsened when somebody was hurriedly, and messily, approaching the bar and demanding another drink as he anxiously looked behind him at where you presumed his spot in the crowd was. You were watching him out of the corner of your eye as he ordered, feeling him swaying drunkenly closer to you and wanting to make sure he didn’t accidentally tip over and knock you out of your seat.

Your intuition was astoundingly accurate considering it wasn’t long before somebody else was approaching the man and leaning into his side, sending the both of them tilting over in your direction.

You’d just managed to hop off the bar seat before they were slamming into it but with the speed in which you’d jumped off combined with the sticky floor underneath you, you were skidding forward and landing roughly on your side against the ground.

Neither man seemed coherent enough to notice you had fallen from the height and you could hear them drunkenly laughing with each other from above you. Your friends hadn’t noticed the altercation either and you quickly frowned at the nasty sensation under your hands before you were standing up and swiftly adjusting your skirt.

You were rushing back out towards the entrance before anybody could notice your disappearance, pushing back through the door and immediately being hit by the cold air as the snow continued to build up on the ground. You were sighing and bending down to pick some of it off the sidewalk, rubbing it in your hands and trying to clean them off the best you could with the wetness.

“You’re going to miss the main act.”

You were jumping at the sound of a voice coming from behind you, standing up swiftly and turning around to see somebody leaning against the building and taking a long drag from whatever it was that he was smoking.

“Oh.. yeah I know I just.. had something on my hands.” You were mumbling out towards him and indicating awkwardly at the snow in your hands, realizing how weird it must’ve looked from his angle.

He was laughing softly at your explanation and your face flushed in embarrassment again for the sixth time that night, taking in his attire and knowing he’d be able to tell right away that you weren’t exactly supposed to be here. He was tall, would be even taller if he was standing up straight and it was especially accentuated by the tight fit of his ripped black jeans. You couldn’t see his face super clearly from where he was stood underneath the shaky lights but his hair was messy and in his eyes and you thought you saw a piercing or two shining on his face.

“Who dragged you here?” He was suddenly asking and you froze up again as you looked at him, eyes darting down to his feet for a second nervously.

“My friends got tickets and I couldn’t get out of it.” You were telling him softly and shrugging a bit. A car was driving past on the empty road and you waited for the sounds of the snow crunching under its tires to quiet before you finished. “From the band actually.”

You look back at him just in time to see his eyebrows lift in surprise and then settle into recognition, your own shifting forward in furrowed confusion. The boy was taking a step off the wall then and flicking his cigarette somewhere off near the road, your eyes following the still burning ember as it flew through the air before circling back to him.

“I’ll see you inside then.” His tone was one of a statement and not a question but you were still slightly confused despite the fact you habitually nodded at him.

You let out a big sigh once he was leaving finally, weirdly going through the alley towards what you could only assume was a side entrance and not the door right next to him. It quickly slipped your mind and you decided to wait for the previous act to finish up before you also headed back in.

You crouched back down closer to the snow and continued to try and clean off your hands and parts of your sleeves that had gotten stained from whatever substances were on the floor. The cold was sending waves of shivers through you but you simply ignored the uncomfortable feeling, especially since you figured you’d warm up quickly once you headed back inside.

Eventually you could hear the second opening act thanking the crowd for their intense energy before the familiar voice of the bar owner was back, this time more excited as he announced that the main band was finally coming out on to the stage.

You sighed softly again to yourself before stomping the slush off your boots and heading back through the door, once again being hit by the tight atmosphere that was a lot more sweaty than when you had first walked in and was now practically buzzing with adrenaline.

It was harder than you had planned for to get back to your seat and you almost gave up and just resided to the back of the building but once the band members were finally on stage the crowd surged forward, a gap in the mass of people slightly opened up and you were hurrying through it back towards where your friends had been. They were gone now but you had expected that, knowing they must likely went closer to the stage.

You were just barely settling back into an empty stool when the band was coming out on stage and you frowned when you realized you could barely see them, sitting up slightly and freezing up when you got a better view.

One of the boys was standing center stage and speaking into the mic, presumably introducing them to the crowd who was cheering the loudest they had all night, but your gaze was drifting a few feet to his right to where one of the guitarist was standing.

You immediately recognized him as the boy from outside, a wave of embarrassment washing over you as you remembered how you had been less than enthusiastic about coming and had told him the band invited you and your friends. His surprised expression was making sense to you now and you would’ve turned to face palm if you weren’t stuck staring at him.

He was scanning the crowd for a few seconds and your eyes widened a touch when he was looking in your direction, stopping his wandering gaze as a soft smirk started to build up on his lips.

You were glancing around you to see if there was anything else he could be looking at and then feeling your face heat up alarmingly fast when you realized there wasn’t and he definitely recognized you from your awkward encounter outside.

Then they were starting to play and you were frozen for other reasons, your eyes locked on him and his frame as he started to open the song slow and soft. It wasn’t the type of music you had expected from them just based off of appearance and you were completely transfixed by the way they skillfully moved with their respective instruments, the boys behind the mics voice coming through now.

The crowd was swaying along with the gentle music, calming down into a low buzz like they were being completely controlled by the bands sound and energy.

You sat frozen like that for the entirety of the first song, mouth slightly parted in surprise and watching the boy you’d seen outside as he continued to play. You didn’t know much about guitars but you could tell he was good, his louder than the others and ringing out clear even underneath the distorted vocals.

He wasn’t looking at you anymore because he wasn’t looking at anything at all, leaning back and keeping his eyes shut as he played them through the final half of the first song. He was rocking along with his strums and he seemed just as into it and transfixed as the rest of the building was.

The first song slowed to a stop and you heard the vocalist laugh softly into the mic before he was glancing behind him towards where the drummer was sitting. You watched them curiously as they nodded at eachother in silent communication, amazed at how casual and relaxed they seemed to be in front of all of these people.

“Obviously we know what you’re all here for.” The lead vocalist was speaking into the mic with a small smile and the two guitarist start to build up the intro of the next song. “Watch your elbows and try not to knock anyone out.”

He was laughing as he finished his lighthearted warning but you watched as the crowd surged with excitement and started to move around, coming to life in sync like they were all the same creature and you felt a bit sick at how tight and moving it was quickly becoming. He was starting to sing again in a lower tone and even though the song was still bordering on calm, you could feel it building up along with the energy in the room.

It was closer to what you had expected their music to sound like and although it wasn’t necessarily something you’d keep on during your downtime, you couldn’t help but feel a bit giddy at the way the entire crowd reacted to the explosive chorus.

The drummers voice was rasping underneath the main vocalist now and you quickly understand their previous communication, a smile building on your face as you watched the guitarist from outside staring at them with an unfiltered excitement.

They played more songs and you continued to sit and watch them unmoving, your eyes mostly transfixed on the boy with the guitar until the end of their set. You’d never seen somebody play the way he did and you almost felt like you had no choice but to watch him considering how captivating he looked on stage. Eventually they were shouting their goodbyes towards the crowd and accepting thrown gifts and hands reaching out for contact, all except for the guitarist considering he was just watching and smiling at the crowd for a distance.

You were still watching them as they left the stage and disappeared back into the restricted part of the building, not even noticing when your friends were excitedly bounding back over to you.

“That was fucking awesome.” Heejin was wrapping her arm around your shoulder and shaking you enthusiastically, sweat lining her dyed hair now and making her tattoos glisten under the now red lighting.

“Jungwon somehow sounds 100 times better in person.” You turned your head to see Sunoo coming to sit next to you with an impressed look on his face, shaking his head in disbelief and still watching the empty stage like you were a few moments ago. “Plus I didn’t know Jake could sing like that.”

“He sang at that school event remember? Before Jay got him into drumming.” Riki was quickly explaining and taking a swig of a water bottle he was carrying, still slightly out of breath from the tight and hot crowd.

You watched them talk animatedly about the show with a soft smile and fondness, you were glad they had fun even if you were originally hesitant to come out with them. It had been better than you’d expected and you still felt a little rush of excitement under your skin when you thought about how loud and beautiful the music had been. You’d completely forgotten about falling on the floor or any mishap.

“Are you ready to go then? We don’t want to keep them waiting, they’re probably super tired.” Joonie was turning to smile at you and await your response but her grin faltered when she saw the heavy look of confusion gracing your features. “You didn’t ask her?”

She was moving her head to give an accusatory stare towards the others and Sunoo winced softly at the harshness in her glare. Riki was sighing and scratching the back of his neck before answering. “We figured we’d ask her after she saw them… maybe she’d be more inclined to say yes.”

“Say yes to what?” You were quickly butting in, slightly frustrated that they were talking around you like you weren’t sat right there watching the entire thing.

“The band wanted us to come over to their place after the show.” Heejin was answering hesitantly, watching you with an expectant look like she was already prepared for you to shut them down.

You can’t deny that the thought immediately crossed your mind, beyond used to rejecting hangouts instinctively especially ones that were so small and intimate with people you didn’t know.

Then you were thinking about the way they had performed and how you had felt seeing them have so much fun on the stage, like they never cared about taking up too much space and they certainly weren’t concerned with ever being too loud. You were pausing for a few seconds to think about it even though you already felt like your mind had been made up, meeting your friends waiting stares and giving them a soft nod of approval.

——

You had quickly come to regret your accepting nod on your way to meet up with the boys, packed into a cab with your friends who still vaguely smelled like the inside of the venue and conjoined sweat.

They still seemed excited so you were trying your best to not be a visible mood killer but you were getting more and more anxious the closer you got to where you’d be meeting, not even exactly sure what type of environment you were going into.

It got even worse when the cab was pulling to a stop in front of a house tucked neatly in a lower class suburban area, the dread of having to make small talk in such an intimate setting like one the boys house was making your stomach turn with nausea. You sucked it up and followed behind your friends with held breath, listening as the door opened and they excitedly greeted whoever it was that was behind it.

You eventually filed through and when it was your turn to pass through the doorway, you realized it was Jake who had opened it.

You recognized him from school events like Riki had mentioned before, not attending yours but a few times a year the neighboring schools held community shows and events to bring the area closer together and scout for grants and sponsorships. You distinctly remember Jake sitting on the stage a few years back, looking beyond nervous as he softly strung his acoustic guitar and sang a song that had slipped your memory by now.

It was a striking opposition to what you’d seen him do tonight, both the fact he had been singing so hard his voice was scratching underneath Jungwon’s softer tone and the way he was slamming down on the drums so hard you had been worried he’d break something.

He had a certain buzzing energy to him that helped this make sense, watching him now as he excitedly bounced around your friends like a loose dog as he guided them towards another doorway. You figured he was more full of bottled up excitement over any actual aggressiveness and you continued to silently follow behind them.

You were a bit surprised to be led down to a small finished basement, carefully walking down the carpeted steps and feeling weirdly like you’d been transported back to your own home with how familiar the area looked.

There was a small red light connected to the door with tape and you imagined it was to signal that some sort of recording was going on, a small smile playing up on your face at the irony of the devoted after band having such a simple setup. The smile was immediately slipping off when you were hearing your friends start up rounds of greeting again and you paled with nerves.

“That’s Y/N, she doesn’t talk much.” Riki was quickly saying and you were half grateful he had saved you from awkwardly stuttering out your name and half furious as all sets of eyes turned to look in your direction.

You recognized the lead singer first, looking a lot less intimidating now that he was sitting on the sofa in more comfortable clothes and letting his purple mullet air dry from what you could only assume was a post show shower. You knew his name was Jungwon just from hearing your friends rambles and you filled in the blanks for the rest of the names.

Jay was almost more intimidating off stage than he was on it, losing that playful and excited energy that being in front of a crowd brought and falling into an almost scary silence. If it wasn’t for the gentle way he was picking at an acoustic guitar, a stark difference to the black and shining electric one you’d seen him with on stage.

Your eyes were drifting over to the final person in the room who was busy chatting with Heejin and staring excitedly at her newest tattoos, his hands hovering over her skin but not touching directly like an excited child. Sunoo had told you on the way here that Sunghoon played bass and whilst you weren’t exactly sure what that meant, he seemed the most approachable out of the group.

Minus the member you’d already accidentally approached but he was missing from the current area and you felt a wave of relief rushing through you considering how embarrassed you’d felt seeing him on stage.

You almost fell into autopilot and you listened to the two groups mix and talk casually like they were lifelong friends, an overwhelming feeling of envy sitting in your stomach considering the fact they were so easily able to hold conversation with each other whilst you struggled to even introduce yourself.

Jay had gotten up to put on a record at some point and that made you feel slightly more at ease considering there was no more room for awkward silence, something a lot calmer than what they’d played earlier ringing through the room as they all lounged in different places and started to smoke amongst each other.

Your friends didn’t bother offering any to you considering you had a tendency to say no, not necessarily against smoking or being high but the intimacy of sharing a blunt mixed with the performance anxiety as it was passed around the circle almost on instinct. The other boys must’ve gotten the hint without it needing to be said and they also didn’t try to get you to smoke, leaving you relieved that they weren’t the types to poke fun at you or try to pressure you into it.

It was a lot easier for you to just watch them and get a small contact high, sinking down into your spot on the couch more and relaxing as they started to lose focus and definitely lose the ability to care if you were being awkward.

You were pressed against the side of the sofa even though nobody was sat directly near you, still trying to ensure you were taking up as little space on the furniture as possible in case somebody else wanted to sit or you were simply just in the way. You were grateful you’d developed this habit considering the door to the basement was opening again and you froze up as the light shone in from the top of the stairs.

“Finally, the chosen one has arrived.” Jake was yelling excitedly from somewhere you couldn’t see, laying flat on the carpet behind the round ottoman and you could only barely catch a glimpse of his arms being thrown up in mock praise.

You were staring at the stairs as the boot covered feet started to descend down and you knew who it was before he even reached the point where you could see his upper half, freezing even more at the way his eyes scanned over the unfamiliar faces in the basement before pausing on you.

You awkwardly pulled your sleeves over your hands and glanced back over at Sunoo was sitting in the chair closest to you and the couch, talking to Sunghoon about something you couldn’t quite make it out considering anxiety was fully building up now and you were slightly disoriented from the overstimulation in the room.

Much to your dismay and attempts to stop yourself, your eyes were drifting back over to the boy and you almost groaned when you realized he was still watching you.

Heeseung had, according to Joonie on the way here, been the one to originally start up the band and convince the others to take it as seriously as he did. He was the lead guitarist first and foremost but he dabbled in almost everything, including producing all of their original songs and covers and apparently forfeiting his basement as their studio considering the younger photos of him scattered around the walls.

His baby pink hair was in his face even more now than it had been when you’d saw him smoking outside, littered with random blonde patches that told you he had done it himself, and now you were positive he had multiple piercings throughout his face.

It was only getting worse for you when he was making his way over to the couch and taking the empty middle seat, directly next to you.

You were sat with your feet up on the fabric and hugging your knees close to your chest but you imagined if you’d been sat normally then your thighs would be press against his that had lost the tight ripped jeans and were now sporting some more casual black sweatpants.

“You want this Hee?” Sunghoon was saying from where he was sat on the floor besides Sunoo on the chair.

You glanced over to the boy just in time to see him shake his head in denial and a wave of surprise and relief washed over you, grateful you wouldn’t be the only one not smoking anymore. “You don’t smoke?” Riki was asking and Heeseung seemed to instinctively shake his head no.

Jay snorted out a half laugh half scoff and you watched the pink haired boy shoot him a sharp glare before his eyes were drifting over to you, almost like he was checking your reaction. Your eyebrows were furrowed forward in confusion, wondering why he was lying about smoking, he must’ve forgotten the fact you’d seen him outside with a cigarette only a few hours before.

Everybody fell back into their own individual conversations again and you started to relax finally, listening to the music playing softly in the smoke filled room.

“So did you end up liking it then?” Heeseung’s voice was coming from beside you and you looked over towards him with widened eyes, not expecting him to directly address you.

“W-what?” You were stuttering out and then immediately flushing in embarrassment when a concerned look passed over his intimidating face. He seemed nice enough but your closed mind couldn’t look past the piercings and the eyeliner still staining around his large eyes.

“The show.” He was quickly explaining, looking slightly embarrassed himself that you hadn’t understood what he was talking about. “You didn’t seem too excited when you were outside.”

You froze up in your spot considering he was directly referencing the conversation you’d had outside, in which you had told him begrudgingly and in complaint that you hadn’t been able to get out of going to the show that he was performing at. You didn’t respond for a few seconds and you were grateful that everybody was too stoned to keep up with your awkward conversation.

“It was… you guys were very..” You trailed off when you saw the expectant look on his face and you cleared your throat a bit, eyes darting down to the double piercings going through the thin skin of his lips and then back up to his eyes. “It was cool.”

“Just cool?” His lip was curling softly up into a half smirk at your extremely vague answer, shifting in his place on the couch so he was facing you better and you tried not to be extremely weird about the fact his arm was resting on the back of the sofa now and therefore his hand was dangling on the other side of your shoulders.

“Super cool?” You offered in a squeaky voice, wincing as your shoulders curled in on themselves.

He laughed softly at your answer and you were relieved that he found it somewhat funny and wasn’t totally offended that you didn’t have a string of compliments prepared for him. You did like the show much more than you thought you would and if you were able to get ahold of yourself, you would’ve told him how impressed you were as you watched him play.

But you weren’t that lucky and you knew you’d be stuck giving him half true statements that didn’t actually show how you truly felt about the set, turning your head back to face forward so you didn’t have to look at his face anymore.

You weren’t exactly sure why he had come to talk to you out of everybody in the room, knowing he was obviously a lot closer to his band mates and had even hung out with your male friends a few times from your knowledge in group settings. Joonie had told you that she thought the two of you were a bit similar considering he was also rarely at social events but you highly doubted the comparison considering the way he looked performing in front of an adoring and expectant crowd.

Still, you thought about the way he hung back at the end of the final song instead of interacting with the fans like the other members had and the fact you hadn’t been surprised when he wasn’t present in the basement at first.

“Are you two actually talking to each other or just sitting in weirdo silence?” Your head was picking back up to look over at Heejin who was sitting on the other side of the couch, next to Heeseung but leaning far enough away towards Jake and Jungwon that they didn’t touch at all.

You didn’t need to look at her to know who she was referring to but your stomach dropped a little when you met her gaze and confirmed she was referring to you, the others in the room also looking over considering her statement.

Heejin was in no way mean to you and she was actually your longest friend out of the group, knowing her since middle school which meant she was around to watch your social decline. She made jokes sometimes or pushed you too far out of your comfort zone but you always took it as her way of trying to help you loosen up like she knew you could, always stopping whenever you got visibly too overwhelmed or uncomfortable.

You weren’t sure if it was the presence of people she admired or the buzz of a high settling over her that caused her to make the comment but it clearly crossed a line the two of you had silently established throughout the years, your face dropping at the unwanted attention.

“Heeseung is the master of weirdo silence.” Jake was adding on from the floor again and you could hear him giggling nonsensically, sitting up so you could see his head past the ottoman and frown at him.

“Yeah well I’d rather talk to..” Heeseung was starting harshly before trailing off and glancing over at you with a raised eyebrow. You paused for a few seconds and stared at him in confusion but realizing he was waiting for you to tell him your name, quickly whispering it to him and trying to ignore the small smile he gave you before turning back to look at the others. “I’d rather talk to Y/N than you deadbeats.”

The boys in the room were breaking out into small fits of laughters and instigating choruses of “Oo’s”. Fanning their hands out like they’d been burned and only settling down when Heeseung was rolling his eyes and sinking further into the couch.

Luckily they all seemed to let it go after that even though you were still left with a deeper pit in your stomach because of Heejin’s random dig at both you and Heeseung, roping him in to your anti social behavior and giving his own friends the opportunity to pile on top of it.

You were glancing over at him again from the corner of your eye, hesitantly shifting to try and catch his attention again. His gaze was snapping back to your face when you moved slightly and his eyebrows raised in question again, a lot softer than they had been when he was asking for your name and snapping back at your friends. You watched the way the metal balls surrounding his eyebrow stretched with the movement before licking your dry lips and speaking.

“Thanks.” The word slipped from your lips in a small breath and once again you felt disappointed that it was all you had managed to say, wishing you were able to express your gratitude to him more.

He didn’t seem to mind and his shoulders were lifting in a small shoulder, watching you curiously. “It’s no big deal. I don’t talk much either.”

“Even though you do all… that?” You were asking before you even processed the question falling from your lips and he looked equally surprised as you that you were continuing the conversation without needing prompting.

“Like perform?” His voice was lower now as you started to talk more and you had a feeling he didn’t want the others to listen in and find a way to intervene again. You gave him a soft nod, grateful he had understood your vague wording. “It’s different, I don’t really think of it like that. Sometimes I don’t even feel like I’m there in front of all those people.”

If you’d heard him say that last week or even this morning, you would’ve not fully understood what exactly he was trying to explain to you. Even now you were still a bit confused on what exactly the feeling was like but you immediately understood what he was referring to, remembering the way he was closing his eyes and leaning with the music like he was in his own world.

You must’ve fallen silent for too long as you were thinking about it and what that could possibly be like, how it would feel to live a life with that sort of overwhelming passion, because he was clearing his throat and shifting again.

“It’s like… well what do you do?” He was starting to try and find an analogy, assuming you didn’t understand and you froze up at the direct question.

“What do I do?” You were repeating back to him for clarification and he nodded earnestly, waiting to hear your answer. “I don’t think I really do anything.”

He seemed taken back by that and you were slightly embarrassed that you’d failed to answer his question properly. You’d thought about it before, being at the age where you should have something you were passionate about or a hobby that motivated you in some way.

You never really did much of anything on your own and you’d yet to find anything that gave you that sort of spark he’d be referring to, the type of spark that would cause you to do what you loved even if it meant pushing yourself past your limits or standing on a stage like you were born for it.

“What are you doing this weekend?” He was suddenly rushing out and your eyes widened in surprise again at the fact his voice had come out much louder now, like he’d forced himself to say it. You didn’t say anything for a few seconds and then you were shaking your head to signal that you weren’t doing anything set in stone. “Come to our next show.”

“To your show?” You were repeating in bewilderment and he was nodding his head quickly as he scanned over your face hesitantly, wondering if you were going to reject him. Eventually you were biting the inside of your cheek after contemplating for a while and glancing at him. “O-okay.. yeah sure.”

——

“Y/N, the phone for you.” Your mothers screaming voice was floating up the stairs and you groaned softly into your pillow, laying on your stomach and overthinking the events of the previous weekend like you had been for days.

It was pretty uneventful after your conversation with Heeseung, both falling into a silence or offering small laughs and quick glances as you listened to your friends talk and get to know each other better. He must’ve been telling the truth about not talking much because nobody looked over at him once expectantly although you noticed his band mates keeping an eye on the two of you occasionally.

Eventually you and your friends had left the basement and the pink haired boy had spared you a quick wave through the window as the taxi pulled off.

You’d listened to your friends excitedly talk the entire way back to your neighbors and pry you for details about what you’d been talking about with him, not noticing the bitter expression on your face when you noticed how surprised they seemed that he’d chosen to speak to you.

Now it was Thursday and you were thinking about it all again, replaying it over and over and finding something new to be embarrassed about each time you did. Heeseung was surprisingly soft spoken and slightly awkward considering his appearance but you knew it held no parallel to how terrible you were at socializing.

“Y/N.” Your mom was screaming again and this time you rolled over as you groaned, letting it fill the room before you were getting off your bed and heading down the stairs.

Your mom was standing there with the phone in her hand, watching you with an excited expression and your face was pulling forward in confusion as your steps hesitantly slowed to a stop. “It’s a boy.” She was whispering and pointing at the phone with a wiggle of her eyebrows.

You were snatching the phone away from her and walking around the corner into the hallways, stretching the chord as far as it could possibly go and waving a dismissive hand at your mom when she was poking her around the corner in curiosity.

“Hello?” You were breathing into the phone and it was a heavy silence for a few seconds before you could hear somebody clearing their throat on the other side.

“Hey Y/N, it’s Heeseung.” He was announcing and you froze up at the sound of his soft voice coming through your speaker, clutching the phone tighter in your hand and shifting it against your ear. “Um.. like the guitar guy.”

You were laughing softly at the fact he felt the need to specify, most likely growing nervous from your extended silence. “I know who you are Heeseung.”

“Cool… yeah cool.” He was breathing back and letting out his own nervous laugh, a small smile building on your face at how awkward he seemed now. You liked how different he was in each setting, confident and sensual on stage and casual and calm when surrounded by his friends in a familiar area. Now you were seeing what he was like on his own, mirroring a personality similar to yours.

“D-did you need something?” You tried to keep your tone light so he didn’t think you were bothered by the fact he had called despite your confusion over how he’d gotten your number or what exactly he wanted.

Your heart was racing slightly as you listened to him inhale over the phone, feeling a bit ridiculous over your own reactions but you couldn’t help but think about his soft pink hair and the piercings your mom would definitely disapprove of. She glared at Heejin’s bare skin every time she came over during the summer so you couldn’t imagine her reaction to seeing Heeseung’s group of friends.

“I was just calling to make sure you were still going to the show and Sunghoon said I should tell you to bring your friends.” He was explaining in a low tone and you could hear shushing in the background, your smile widening at the realization he was around some of his friends. “I’m pretty sure he’s just trying to convince Heejin to give him a tattoo but it would be safer anyways with more people.”

“Alright, yeah we’ll be there.” You were telling him back swiftly and you surprised yourself by how naturally it came out of your mouth, no stutter or hesitation.

“Cool.” You could almost hear the smile in his voice as he said the word again, almost repeating it like he did the first time but seemingly catching himself before he did. “I’ll see you there then?”

“Yeah… yeah you will.”

——

“So he like directly invited you.” Riki was asking for the sixth time that night and you sighed softly when he was bumping his elbow into your arm with a smile on his face, clearly excited about the recent development in your life.

“Is it that surprising?” Your tone was stiff along with your posture, somehow once again finding yourself in a cold line outside of a random concert venue downtown.

“Not at all Y/N.” Sunoo was quickly interjecting once he realized you were taking offense to their over excitement, offering him a small tired smile due to his habit of trying to make you feel better. “We are just happy for you.”

You were about to remind him that there was no reason to be happy or excited and that you and Heeseung had just gotten along, nothing else, but you were interrupted by the staff who was checking tickets approaching your group. You watched as he took a look at Riki’s and then his school ID, promptly marking his hand with a solid black X before he was turning towards you expectantly.

He was looking at your ID with a bored expression but before he was able to hand it back to you and give you a similar marking, he paused and did a double take as he looked at the words. “Y/N? You’re on the list.”

“The list?” Your voice was soft in confusion and buried under the sound of your friends excited squeals and laughters, feeling Joonie’s hands come up to squeeze your shoulders and shake you softly.

You weren’t understanding what was happening until you were being moved forward, hearing Heejin clarify that you all were allowed early entry before she was smiling brightly and practically caring you with the rest of them as you entered the venue ahead of everybody else. You felt a flush come up to your cheeks when you realized that Heeseung had clearly mentioned you to the staff of the building and that’s why you were currently skipping the line and heading towards the back of the venue.

It was a different place than last time, bigger and seemingly more concert specific in comparison to the bar you were at last time.

The staff member was leading you down a hallway until you were stopped in front of a door with chipping paint, a piece of paper stuck to it with tape and the bands name in big sharpie letters. You smiled softly at their names all scribbled around the bold font, knowing they must’ve stuck it outside themselves as a mock dressing room.

You felt a wave of anxiety rush up with the employee was knocking on the door twice before turning to head back outside and control the growing crowd but you didn’t have any time to panic before it was being thrown open.

“You came.” Heeseung’s eyes were wide as he looked down at you in surprise and you were parting your lips to answer him before your friends were impatiently pushing into the room, practically shoving you forward into him.

He helped steady you when you made a small noise of surprise and you were glancing up at him in embarrassment, face undoubtedly red considering he was holding onto your arms even once your feet were flat on the ground. “You look…”

You felt overwhelming self conscious when his gaze was dropping down, scanning over your outfit and body before meeting your eyes again. You’d mistakenly let Heejin and Joonie dress you after they practically spent two hours begging, remembering how awkward you felt being improperly dressed last time.

It felt even worse to be in clothes you weren’t at all used to or comfortable with and you couldn’t tell what Heeseung was thinking just based off his expression.

“It looks really good.” He was breathing out finally and you felt a wave of relief at his statement, and then self judgment for caring what he thought in the first place. “Are you sure you’ll be comfortable though? I have a sweater you can wear.”

You froze up slightly as he continued to speak to you in a calm voice, somehow sensing your anxiety over the outfit despite only speaking to you a few times. You were half flattered that he cared enough to lend you some clothes and half humiliated that he could tell you didn’t normally wear things like this.

He must’ve seen outfits like this on hundreds of girls every time he had a show, knowing half the crowd would be dressed similarly to you but wearing it with a confidence and aura that you severely lacked. You didn’t have an overwhelming presence like Heejin or an alluring personality like Joonie and you’d always felt bland in comparison.

You were awkwardly glancing around the makeshift dressing room and pleased to see your friends and the band engaging in their own excited conversations and not paying you any mind.

Then your gaze was landing on one of the mirrors across the room and you were freezing up when you caught sight of you and Heeseung, still standing closer than you’d thought you were with his hands touching your arms. You almost didn’t recognize yourself for a second and despite how awful the clothes felt against your skin, you couldn’t deny that you looked good standing next to him and his similar aesthetic.

“I’ll be alright.” You were turning back to him to answer his question definitively and you tried to hold eye contact with him for a second, easier considering his hair was falling into his face again.

He was wearing eyeliner like he had been the first time you’d seen him outside the venue but it was a lot bolder and messier this time, making his eyes even bigger than they already were but completely changing his energy and appearance in comparison to the version of him you’d seen in his basement.

“Are you nervous?” You weren’t sure why that was the next thing you said to him but his eyes lit up when you whispered the question, staring up at him with wide eyes and saying it so softly he almost didn’t catch it underneath the loud crowd in the distance and your friends behind him.

“I’m excited.” He was responding back and you knew he meant it, no sign of apprehension or hesitation on his face.

You’d never seen somebody look as intense as Heeseung did when he talked about performing, his entire demeanor changing from the awkward boy who you’d been speaking to, almost seeming unsure of himself after every sentence. He didn’t even seem to think at all when he spoke about music or being on stage and you watched him curiously as he rambled on about how it felt to be up there.

You figured he probably knew you wouldn’t ever be able to understand what he was talking about unless you did it yourself but you still felt giddy that he wanted to explain it to you.

He talked about it until another team member was poking his head in to let the boys know that soundcheck was about to start and then the doors would open, also being you and your friends queue to go and get spots in the front row.

“I’ll see you out there then?” He was smiling down at you and giving a gentle squeeze to your arm that he was still holding, your own breaking out on your face despite trying to withhold and you gave him a small nod of approval before he was disappearing out the door after the others.

Your friends were obviously excited for having caught the end of your interaction and although you rolled your eyes as they begun to tease you, you couldn’t rid yourself of the bright grin you were catching between your lips and you started to head back out into the hallway and towards where the crowd would be standing.

You felt okay for now but you were starting to get more and more anxious at the realization that soon the mass of people would surge inside towards you and you’d be stuck in your place against the barricade, white knuckling it as you contemplated heading to the back of the venue and watching from there instead so you wouldn’t embarrass yourself by having a panic attack right in front of the band.

“You know..” Heejin was leaning in against your side to whisper into your ear and you felt her hand squeezing your side affectionately. “Jake said that Heeseung’s never invited anybody to a show before.”

She was pulling away just in time to see your eyes widen in surprise, followed by your face flushing a bright red at the knowing look she was giving you. “Not even his family?”

You knew that the bands music wouldn’t necessarily be everybody’s personal taste, especially those of an older generation, but you couldn’t help but feel slightly confused that he wouldn’t ever ask anybody to come watch him perform. He was clearly proud of what he had created and more passionate than anyone you’d met before.

“It’s just him and his dad I guess.” She was shrugging softly and glancing up at the stage as she spoke. “Apparently he’s a huge hard ass about him doing music.”

Your face was falling into a small frown at what she was saying but you didn’t have a chance to respond before the lights were shutting off and immediately being replaced by the same red ones the other venue had put on for their set, hearing the sounds of the doors opening and feet swiftly approaching the stage.

Anxiety was immediately building up as you were getting more and more constricted in the crowd but you felt slightly better knowing your friends were around you, feeling Riki not so subtly shift his position so he was stood behind you and you weren’t going to be subject to any stranger pressing into your body.

You were going to turn and give him a grateful smile but you were cut off by the sounds of the crowd screaming louder than you’d ever heard, confused on what was causing it before you realized the boys were already coming out onto the stage.

They were only silhouettes at first without the spotlights turned on but you could tell it was Sunghoon who had ended up directly in front of you, glancing across the stage to see Heeseung on the other side beside Jungwon again like he had been the other weekend.

Then the lights were coming on, soft enough to keep the red glow but illuminating each member and their instruments. You smiled widely and couldn’t help the scream that leapt from your throat, joining in with your friends and the rest of the crowd as excitement started to fill you. You’d never been in a setting like this before and you were quickly understanding why it was so addicting.

You were already watching Heeseung from the moment he stepped on stage so you definitely didn’t miss the way his eyes were scanning the front section of the crowd, only settling once they passed by you before quickly backtracking as a smile curled up on his lips.

Jungwon was starting to speak into the mic and introduce them like you’d heard him do last week but you were preoccupied, watching the pink haired boy and giving him a small nod of acknowledgment with a soft smile.

Then the show was starting and you quickly realized that what you had seen last time was nothing in comparison to actually being in the crowd, an energy taking over you that you didn’t even know you possessed. You were dancing along with Heejin and gripping Sunoo’s arm in excitement as he screamed and sang along, all the while keeping your eyes on Heeseung.

He was almost like a completely different person on stage, more than just his energy considering the fact even his gaze was new to you. He was a lot more intimidating when he was staring down at you with hooded eyes, the eyeliner more smudge now and thankfully distracting you from the skillful way his fingers moved along the guitar strings.

It was hard not to think about him to the level you’d been trying to deny when he was looking at you for almost the entirety of the show, seemingly checking on you when the crowd got particularly wild and at other times almost looking smug because of how transfixed you seemed. His lip would curl into a cocky smirk that you didn’t even think he could manage and you’d feel your heart thump alive in a way it never had before.

You spent the next few months following this exact routine with him.

Every week, in the middle of it or sometimes as early as the day after a show, he’d call your house and your mom would yell your name up the stairs. He’d softly invite you to the next show and you’d excitedly tell him that you’d be there, despite knowing he already knew the answer and you knowing he just liked to hear you say it.

Sometimes you’d take your friends with you but eventually you got comfortable enough to go by yourself, you’d be let in early with a small smile to the bouncers and you’d always ask him the same question before he got on stage.

“Are you nervous?” You’d say for the dozenth time even though you knew by now that he wasn’t but every single time his eyes would light up with that fire and passion that you’d been so sucked in by and he’d always repeat the same words back in the same tone.

“I’m excited.”

Heeseung liked it best when you came to his shows so you did it every weekend you were free, even when you’d get too overwhelmed and have to sit in the dressing room or behind the stage if it was available, he just liked knowing you were there to see him and he expressed it to you every single time.

You got closer over that time outside of watching him play too, taking longer to get over that awkwardness you both carried outside of the venues when the adrenaline died down but eventually you’d stopped hanging out solely within your respective groups and started to spend some time alone together.

He’d pick you up in his shitty run down car and your mom would glare at him from the living room window, watching his hair go from pink to blue then to a red that had taken you back a few steps with its brightness when you’d first seen it.

“That’s.. a strong choice.” You’d said after you buckled your seatbelt and you were reaching forward to run your hand through it before you even had a second to think about it.

“My dad hates the color red.” Was all he had responded with and you watched the side of his face as he smiled softly and put the car into drive.

Heeseung wasn’t the most stable person to be around at times but you eventually realized that you’d never felt as comfortable taking up space as you did when you were with him, an addicting feeling that you almost had no choice but to lean forward into and you were thankful that he was always around to catch you.

You’d sit in the basement with the boys as they practiced new songs and Jake had even attempted to teach you to play some songs on the guitar, going to him for help because it felt less intimidating than asking one of the actual guitar players.

It was somehow easy to mesh into their routines and hobbies despite how different you were than them and your most fun high school memories all featured your old friends and new ones hanging out together, all packed into booths at late night diners after a particularly good show or getting makeshift tattoos from Heejin in the familiar basement that you’d spent most of the year in by the time graduation rolled around.

Heeseung was a year older than you and already graduated before you’d met him but he’d made sure to attend and watch you and your friends walk, minus Riki who still had a year left.

You’d all rushed out of the ceremony hall and squished in his car so you could drive across town and watch the rest of his friends at their own school, cheering for them all in your different colored graduation gowns and ignoring the embarrassed look on Jungwon’s face when he gave his class president speech at the beginning.

There were a lot of highs but it all came with lows too and those took you longer to adjust to.

You weren’t exactly sure how to handle it when Heeseung would show up at your house late at night, sometimes bleeding from various places on his face or panting like he’d run all the way there. You’d quickly pull him inside and ignore your moms questioning shout asking who was at the door.

Eventually you had sat her down after dinner and told her that sometimes Heeseung had issues with his dad and he didn’t have anywhere else to go, which was a slight lie on your part but you knew it felt true to him considering he never considered any other options before heading in your direction even if it was across town and a lot less welcoming than one of his friends houses.

She never was a big fan of him, of any of your friends but especially him, despite the gentle way he always said hello to her upon entry and his countless attempts to get on her good side. You’d tried to explain to him that it wasn’t anything personal or anything he was doing wrong and it was just how your mother was but he seemed particularly upset about it despite normally not caring what people thought of him.

“It’s your mom, it’s different.” He was stressing his words to emphasize that it was because she was related to you that it mattered to him and you were furrowing your eyebrows and turning to look at him.

You were sat on your bed together, two months before it happened, and sharing a pair of headphones that was playing a scratchy demo of a song he’d been working on. You were popping the tape out of the device so it would stop abruptly as you sat up a little bit to be able to see his face better.

“Why do you say stuff like that?” You were asking him and he sighed softly like he always did when you begun to pry for answers regarding his behavior towards you.

Despite the way you felt around him and the fact you’d practically become inseparable in the summer following graduation, you’d never directly talked about what your relationship was or even crossed a line that would definitely give you an unspoken answer. Outside of some longing glances and hands resting a little too low on your back, you’d remained pretty platonic other than your own inner thoughts and emotions.

“Don’t know.” He was mumbling softly as he looked at you and you squinted your eyes at him in disbelief but eventually you sighed and shifted back so you were resting against your headboard again, shoulder pressed into his tightly.

When it finally happened, you pretty much assumed that your life was going to abruptly end.

The boys had been growing in popularity now that they were out of school and able to do music full time, still underaged but building enough connections with the local music scene and venues to be able to play more frequently and to older and grittier crowds.

Mixed with the rise of the internet and MTV music videos filled with long haired rockstars and half naked women, it didn’t take long for their talents to get noticed by a few different people who swore they were from the next big company and could guarantee to make Echoes of Riot each millionaires respectfully, offers that were all swiftly turned down by Heeseung (with the advice of Sunoo who had begun to fill a management like role within the group).

You’d never paid much mind to what stardom would mean for the boys despite believing to the deepest part of your heart that they deserved it and were more talented than most the people you heard over the radio. For some reason, some childish idiotic reason, you figured they’d spend the rest of your lives being teenagers playing in bars around your small hometown.

Then one night after a particularly long show, all the boys panting and sweaty as they headed back to their dressing rooms, a man had approached them similarly to the way others did almost nightly.

You knew right away that something was different this time and your friends did too, watching silently as the group stopped in their steps towards the back rooms and actually begun to pay attention to what the man was saying. Heeseung’s eyes were flickering up to yours and you raised your eyebrows at him from where you sat at the bar, shifting out of your seat when he beckoned you closer with a quick flick of his fingers.

The rest of your friends followed you and all of you made your way back to the rooms with the band and the man.

He didn’t seem at all bothered by the additional people in the room as he started to repeat his pitch behind closed doors and your heart started to clench nervously when you realized why he seemed so different.

Min Yoongi actually cared about the music quality and spreading a proper message through your work and performances, opening his monologue with descriptions of how he felt hearing and watching the videos Riki had been posting online of the group and you watched as his eyes twinkled with a passion you’d only ever seen before from the boy sitting next to you.

His hand was resting on your arm and draping over your shoulder on the couch but he couldn’t have been further away from you in that moment, holding onto every word Yoongi was saying and leaning forward occasionally to enthusiastically agree with something he was saying.

It was a jarring change after seeing him barely give the other music people a second of his time for the last few months but you understood that they had this connection you simply weren’t capable of understanding, a mutual trust built through having the same dream and passion and by the end of the first meeting, even without anything even halfway confirmed, you knew things were going to change from then on out.

Yoongi didn’t have a lot of money to invest into the boys but he was dedicated to promoting them and helping them with levels of production you’d only get with decades of experience, upping their discography to even higher levels and it wasn’t long before he was proving himself right.

“Tour?” Your voice was breaking around the word Heeseung had just said, continuing his sentence afterwards but you hadn’t heard a thing he’d said after that, your ears ringing as your face paled. “You’re leaving?”

He was faltering at the unexpected upset in your voice and you would’ve felt guilty for not matching his level of enthusiasm but you couldn’t help the wave of panic overwhelming you as you continued to try and process what he was saying.

“Hey, hey Y/N listen to me.” His voice was soft and you could feel his hand reaching forward to touch and cup your cheek, softly swiping his thumb over your smooth hot skin and shifting on the bed so he was closer to you. “It would only be for a few months, then I’d be coming back. We’d all be coming back.”

You’d somehow not processed the fact that going on tour meant the other boys would be also leaving with him and another wave of sickness swept over you at the realization you’d be losing most of your friends in one swoop, the most constant and positive thing in your entire life since you’d met them.

“I don’t want to leave, baby you know I’d never just leave.” He was quickly continuing when he realized he’d made it worse and your eyes shot up to him at the use of the pet name falling from his lips so casually despite never hearing it directed towards you before. He didn’t even seem to notice that he had said it and he was continuing on despite the surprise on your face. “But… I mean this is it.”

His words were vague but you knew exactly what they meant.

This was the end of the road for the life you’d been so happily living because despite how content and happy you were watching them play small and intimate shows, Heeseung had this hunger for more that would never be satisfied in a place like your hometown.

He didn’t mean to break your heart of course and you were definitely at fault for stupidly falling in love with a rockstar, falling victim to the oldest cliche in the book as you sat at the bus station and cried into Joonie’s shoulder. You watched as their tour bus got further and further out of sight before it was turning a corner and disappearing with all of them on it.

Things were the roughest they’d ever been for the first few months the boys were gone.

Your typical routine had been shattered and you were back to existing like a corpse, moving around from one task to the next with no real excitement or purpose. You’d never necessarily gained one but being around somebody as passionate and driven as Heeseung was like getting a secondhand high and you’d been riding the wave of his interest for the last year, now alone out at sea and stuck scrubbing the counters of a coffee shop in the small downtown area of your city.

You tried to write for the first month or two but eventually it got too hard for you to handle and you started to let Heeseung’s letters pile up. He’d still call your home phone but your mom stopped letting you know when he did and sometimes you’d hear her softly telling him that you weren’t feeling good and she’d have you call back later. She never brought it up and neither did you.

He’d call Heejin and Riki too and sometimes you’d hear his voice when you were talking to Sunoo on the phone. He’d went with them on tour after Yoongi had asked him to be their official team manager, giving him more time to handle the business side of things while Sunoo dealt with their personal schedules and issues. You’d listen to your friend lie and say he was talking to his sister and you’d thank him softly as he sighed and asked why you couldn’t just talk to your shared friend.

You didn’t know how to explain that Heeseung was something you needed to get clean from and hearing from him in small doses would make it ten times harder for you to function.

It was too much to say that his letters kept you awake all night crying as you read about how much he missed you followed by random sketches and song lyrics he was writing about you. They wouldn’t understand why you dropped a full plate of food the first time you heard them on the radio at work or why you stayed up all night to see their first actual interview on TV.

Eventually people stopped mentioning the band to you or at least spoke like the main guitarist and face of the group didn’t exist. It was easy enough to avoid for the first six months and then the articles started to roll out.

The boys hadn’t come home after their first tour and they were “temporarily” staying out in New York where there was more of a network and better opportunities. Part of you was grateful Heeseung hadn’t moved back to town, knowing you’d run into him eventually but you couldn’t stop thinking about him regardless considering the news being put out with his name on the headlines.

“That’s his third fight this week Sunoo.” You were spitting over the phone, balancing it between your shoulder and ear as you aggressively scrubbed at a dish that’d already been clean for the past few minutes. “Aren’t you supposed to be keeping them in check?”

“You don’t think I’m trying Y/N?” His voice was exhausted and desperate and you felt bad immediately for snapping at him, knowing your real anger didn’t result from him. “I have no idea what to do, I’ve never seen him like this.”

All the boys had been subject to some controversy as they continued to gain quick fame and admirers but like always, your brain was laser focused on Heeseung. He was getting into drunken fights routinely and being reported with multiple women who may or may not be fans who like to kiss and tell, photos of him and the other boys looking worse and worse each passing weekend as their rockstar lifestyle truly blossomed into an absolute disaster.

Eventually you started to find yourself ignoring the news again, becoming accustomed to it and already knowing what it was going to be every time Riki sighed entering your job and slid a magazine in your direction.

Three years passed like this and while you had stopped crying every night from how much you missed Heeseung and your other friends, if you could even consider them that considering the lack of communication over the years, you still felt that empty feeling in your skin as you robotically went about your routines and lifeless activities that didn’t hold any real purpose or grand result.

At the end of the third year, stretching into a point where you’d been away from Heeseung longer than you were ever with him, Heejin had told you that the band was back in town.

She’d called you and hesitantly let you know that she had run into Jay at the local grocery store a few hours ago, citing that she hadn’t thought much about it until she was back at her tattoo shop and thinking about you possibly running into one of the boys for as long as they stuck around this time. You’d thanked her for the heads up and then buried your head into your arms in upset, both at how little distance was between you and Heeseung and also regarding the fact Sunoo hadn’t even bothered to tell you they were around.

Half of you expected it, knowing you weren’t teenagers anymore standing in a cold concert line and he didn’t owe you any update on his whereabouts, clearly not telling Heejin either considering her shock upon seeing a familiar face.

Joonie however seemed to know all about it when you hesitatingly mentioned it over lunch with her and Riki after he’d asked you why you seemed so on edge. “Well it’s been on their tour show list for like four months.”

“And you didn’t think to tell anyone?” Riki was voicing your thoughts before you could and his face was curled up in annoyance and betrayal as he shoved a fry into his mouth, clearly just as caught off guard as you and hurt considering he’d also gotten close to the members before they’d left and he was friends with Sunoo for as long as you.

“You always tell me not to talk about them in front of Y/N.” She was whining out and you glanced at the younger boy who looked slightly sheepish as she said something he clearly meant to keep private.

She wasn’t necessarily wrong and you’d grown to realize being around her was going to be hard considering how big of a fan she remained of the band even after their decline into scandal, simultaneously acting like any other fan girl and somehow also constantly bragging to others about how she knew them personally before they’d blown up. Maybe she had mentioned their return at some point but it’d been years since you started to tune her out.

“So they’re not staying?” You were finally speaking again, your voice weak and curious and she gave you a knowing look before nodding and patting your hand.

You weren’t sure why you felt overwhelmingly disappointed that they’d eventually leave again despite the fact you planned to spend the entire time they were here avoiding them and hiding out in your apartment. It was probably for the same reason she was giving you a pity filled look and Riki was picking at the skin around his nails.

It only took a few days for Joonie to push the limit on how much of her interest in the band you could take, answering her late night call to hear her hysterical as she screamed over the sound of passing cars and told you she’d completely stalled on the highway and was going to miss the show.

You told yourself that you began immediately putting on your shoes and grabbing your keys because you were a good friend and you kept repeating it in your head the entire drive to her location, swearing over and over that it had nothing to do with putting yourself closer to Heeseung. Even after her and her two friends had gotten in your car with his face on their tshirts, you swallowed your tongue and promised your heart it wasn’t for any other reason.

It wasn’t because you wanted to see the thousands of fans outside the arena, the show being on the nicer side of town and twenty minutes away from the venues they used to hold small performances for.

They thanked you continuously as you parked and then Joonie was pulling you aside to guilty whisper that you’d need to get your parking validate to be able to leave and return to pick them back up. A wave of nausea rolled over you but you were still convincing yourself you didn’t care so you swallowed your sickness and gave her a tight smile before following them outside the car.

“The booths over there.” She was telling you once you’d gotten inside and she had a wide smile on her face that matched her friends, clutching her ticket and practically beaming with excitement. “So we’ll see you at 11:30?”

“Mhm.” You didn’t trust your voice enough to speak and not give away how you were feeling so you hummed out a response to her question you barely processed before watching them squeal and walk towards the actual check in and entrance.

You rubbed your fingers together anxiously before glancing to your right and sighing seeing the line of people waiting to get their parking validated, teenage girls who looked like they barely could drive mixed in with dads and boyfriends who looked just as exhausted and irritated as you were starting to feel.

For a second you considered just leaving the girls there and asking Heejin or Riki to pick them up afterwards so you could drink yourself delirious and forget you’d ever been this close to the band but your heart clenched thinking about them having to experience the same thing and you told yourself again that you were trying to be a good friend.

You’d been standing in the line for twenty minutes, holding onto your last strand of patience and curiously listening to the fans around you talking about the boys with so much awe and wonderment.

You couldn’t help but smile at some things, hearing them gush about Jungwon’s cheeks or rave about how sexy Sunghoon’s newest guitar was and you felt a bit stupid for the pride filling your chest. You’d been avoiding them and their music, never listening to anything they’d put out in recent years but you felt happy for them knowing they were still igniting that same excitement in people even if they seemed to have lost the passion themselves.

It was almost exactly twenty one minutes later when you were feeling something tap against your shoulder, whipping your head to the side to see who had bumped into you before freezing up completely.

He had a mask on and a hat almost covering his eyes but you knew immediately who it was, eyes widening as you looked at him and then glanced around your surroundings to see if anybody had recognized him too.

“The fans don’t pay much attention to anyone without an instrument.” Sunoo was saying and you could hear him smiling even if you couldn’t see most of his face, breathing out a sigh of relief and pulling him in for a hug before you had a second to think about it.

He accepted it immediately and you were grateful that he wasn’t being distant with you despite the fact that was all you’d shown each other in recent years, melting into your hold as your eyes pricked with tears considering how much taller and thinner he was now. Sometimes when you thought of the boys, they were frozen in time and still teenagers in your head and you felt a bit dizzy as the illusion broke right in front of you.

“How’d you know I was here?” You were whispering out into his chest and then pulling back to stare up at him in amazement, scanning over his covered face.

“Sunghoon saw the hundreds of messages Joonie had sent… she actually had the guts to ask him to pick her up after her car stalled.” He was explaining and you felt embarrassed for your friend even though Sunoo was laughing like it was something funny. You got annoyed with her behavior but she was still your friend and you almost felt offended for her knowing they’d all been laughing at her attempts to reach out, no matter how baseless her connection with them seemed on their side. “We figured that you would’ve been the one to answer her calls.”

“We?” You were asking the second the word fell from his lips and a flash of regret passed over his face. “Do they all know I’m here?”

“Except for him.” He was explaining and you felt his hand squeezing your arm to try and calm you down, a flash of familiarity running through you at the feeling despite slowly recognizing the boy in front of you less and less. “But I imagine one of them is going to slip up sooner or later.”

You were nodding in understanding but your heart started to thump with anxiety and you were grateful that the arena was so full, hoping Heeseung wasn’t dumb enough to run out into a waiting room of fans to try and see you.

“I have to go.” You were practically forcing the words out and your face was pulling into a grimace as you said them, feeling short of breath and dizzy as your past and present finally started to collide despite your years of effort. “Can you…”

You were gesturing towards the parking validation ticket in your hand and he glanced down at it before looking back at your panicked eyes and nodding softly, squeezing your arm one more time before he was taking it and giving you the go ahead to get out of the arena before your chest exploded.

You didn’t know exactly what to say to him, you weren’t sure if this was a see you later or another long term goodbye and he seemed to be thinking the same thing, nodding again when you smiled sadly at him and took a few steps backwards.

Nearly losing your footing as you turned around, you were dizzyingly making your way out of the arenas main center and pushing back out into the chilled air. Your lungs tried to suck in deep breaths and you hurriedly made your way back to the parking garage but you were failing miserably and you eventually gave up all together, pausing in your quick strides and resting again the building with your eyes shut tight.

It wasn’t at all quiet, fans still gathered outside before the show and traffic beeps and honks as people tried to get in and out of the busy area, but your head felt empty and shut down.

The sound of footsteps approaching you crept into your dizzy brain and you took a deep breath before looking up, somehow already knowing who it was going to be without so much as a glance. He was stopping a few feet away from you when you looked up and your legs felt weaker as you stared at him in silence.

He was wearing a mask and a hat like Sunoo and whilst you’d been disappointed earlier about not being able to see your old friends face, now you were extremely grateful for the coverage. It didn’t help much considering you could still see the most recognizable part of him, his big eyes blinking at you in shock.

“You don’t look that surprised.” Heeseung’s voice was shockingly similar to how it was last time you’d heard it in person, the tone only slightly deeper and the only major change being the lifelessness behind his words as he watched you stand up straight.

He was right, for some reason you weren’t at all shocked to see him in front of you but he was in the same spot as you considering he came to find you in the first place. “Should I be? You’re here aren’t you?”

You heard him scoff softly before he was turning his head to look around the area, handful of fans still wandering around but slowly starting to disperse as they made their way insides to find their seats and buy the merch. He was glancing back at you quickly and then he was reaching up to take his mask off.

He didn’t say anything for a while after he took it off and you just stared at him, scanning over his face and the difference that time had handed to him. His features were a lot sharper now, growing into his nose and ears perfectly and you once again were hit with the reality that you’d been apart for a long time and the boy you knew was long gone.

“Sunoo validated your ticket.” He was starting to speak suddenly, awkwardness seeping into his tone due to your prolonged silent stare and you watched him dig into his pocket to retrieve the crumbled up piece of paper the parking machine had given you. “He got busy so I just brought it out.”

“He got busy?” You questioned and took a step forward away from the building, taking it from him swiftly and wincing when your finger brushed against his. “You’re the one in the band.”

He didn’t say anything to that, clearly lying about why he had been the one to bring the ticket out but making no move to correct himself or attempt to be honest with you. You didn’t really mind considering you were in a similar boat, having no real reason to rest again the building like you had other than buying yourself more time in the area.

“You’re not staying?” He was asking and his voice broke slightly which caused a large frown to form on your face, not sure why he had to even ask considering you both knew you weren’t going to watch his show.

“I’ll be back after to..” You awkwardly trailed off and lifted your hand that was clutching the parking ticket, indicating the reason you were there and watching him carefully. “Are you nervous?”

He tensed up as the familiar words fell from your lips and you felt like the air stopped moving for a second before he answered. He’d heard it asked thousands of times since it last was in your voice in that specific tone but it never bothered him before after the first year.

It was asked genuinely by other people, actually wondering if he was feeling nervous or at times doubting his abilities and using it as a way to get under his skin. Nobody ever made the simple question feel as important as you did and he understood why now that he was older and had plenty of time to think about it. You asked him, not because you thought he was or you figured he wouldn’t be able to handle the stage and the pressure, but because you knew it ignited a fire in him.

You’d ask him just to hear him repeat back in a firm voice how excited he was, to see that passion flare up in his eyes and give him an opportunity to voice some solid self confidence before he got up there to perform.

You knew right away that the phrase brought him back as far in time as it did you but your stomach turned at the blank look on his face, nothing arising to the surface at the triggered memory and instead he almost looked like he was deflating as you stood there.

“I’m just… tired.” He was eventually muttering back and clearing his throat before anxiously scratching at the back of his neck, both of you knowing the weight of his unusual answer and preparing to cripple under it once you were out of the suffocating hold his gaze had on you.

The both of you stood there for a few seconds longer before you could hear the screaming getting louder from inside, his head turning towards the building before looking back at you with a defeated expression. You knew without him saying it that he needed to go and that same feeling you had with Sunoo started to creep up again, not knowing what type of goodbye this was.

“There’s a second show tomorrow.” He was rushing out and then chewing on his lip ring as he avoided your questioning gaze. “You’ll be on the list.”

He glanced at you one more time but he seemed to understand that you weren’t going to give him a definite response, nodding his head in conclusion before he was turning around and jogging back towards the side entrance of the arena.

All the air returned to your lungs once he was finally out of sight and then immediately left again once you broke into a heavy sob, stumbling back a bit before quickly gathering your emotions and trying your best to hold yourself together.

You were quickly wiping your tears and glancing around to make sure nobody had been a witness to your abrupt meltdown, reminding yourself why you were there in the first place and heading back to your car like your world hadn’t just been taken off pause.

——

It had only taken you two seconds after the invitation fell from Heeseung’s lips to decide that you were going to go to the show.

He had said it like it was a question but the look in his eye told you that he didn’t think you’d come, but he still had invited you and that stupid part of you felt like that had to mean something. You’d had Riki pick the girls up from the concert that night and you ignored Joonie’s calls and the countless uploads she’d had from the concert.

You didn’t need to see the boys performing like nothing had happened, like your entire life hadn’t been flipped outside down with just a few sentences from the boy you’d tried your hardest to forget about the past few years.

It was a bit hypocritical considering you were currently back at the same exact place you were running from yesterday, this time walking in the opposite direction of the parking validation booth and awkwardly approaching the ticketing line. You felt like an idiot telling the staff that you were on the list, seeing their annoyed expressions and knowing they must hear it a dozen times a night from fan girls trying to get backstage.

“Nice try but there’s only ever been one name on the list and trust me, that seats never been taken.” The man was talking to you in a bored tone and your heart clenched at the implication of what he was saying.

You wondered if it was something Heeseung had done at the beginning of the tour in case you decided to come to one of the shows but he knew you well enough to know you never would and you certainly would never stride in the place without a ticket expecting to be on the list.

Eventually you figured that he had put you on there with the hopes that one day he’d have the guts to invite you and your heart shattered a bit more thinking about the fact that he never did, never even attempting as far as you were concerned and aware of. You cleared your throat awkwardly and rummaged in your bag to pull out your ID and hand it to the man silently.

His eyes flickered down to it for a second before looking back up at your face and you saw a wave of shock come over him, immediately followed by embarrassment for doubting you in the first place.

You gave him an awkward half smile and then an appreciative nod when he was stepping aside and allowing you to enter the main performance area. You were pausing at the top of the entrance way, eyes scanning over the large arena and feeling a bit sick considering how many seats were there and how few of them were empty.

You were starting to regret showing up and preparing to turn around and head back out before the show started but you were snapped out of your panic when your phone was ringing in your pocket. You were snatching it out in hopes that it was one of your friends trying to calm you down but your eyebrows furrowed when you saw it was an unknown number.

Finger hovering over the decline button, you had half the mind to consider the fact it might be Heeseung and you were answering it and putting it to your ear before you had a second to think about it.

“You actually came.” You immediately tensed up when the voice was filtering through the speaker, different and raspier but you knew who it was from the first word.

“How do you know I’m here?” You were dumbly asking and glancing around you like he was going to be standing in the shadows somewhere, frowning slightly when he laughed into the phone.

“He told them to alert him immediately if you ever showed up.” Jake was saying as an explanation and halfway confirming your suspicions about how long you’d been kept on the list despite never coming or reaching out to them. “And you’re finally here.”

“I’m not staying.” You were saying quickly and a rough edge seeped into your voice, something you hadn’t had last time he knew you but he also hadn’t been so cocky and demeaning last time you spoke to him so you were equal in that sense.

He was sighing softly and you paused at the sound, not expecting him to sound so defeated. You’d spoken to Jake more than the others over the years, only a few times but he had come home once or twice to visit family and it was hard to avoid him considering he actively was seeking you and the others out each time.

You weren’t really sure why he kept coming around and eventually you realized that he didn’t seem to know why either, looking more and more lost and less like himself every time you saw him. Jake was always so carefree and happy to be around that time you’d all spent together, genuinely seeming like he felt lucky for all of you and the music they were making together.

This new version of him was the most jarring to you out of everybody else because he had gotten sad and then he had gotten very very cold, almost angry every time you saw him and always feeling like he was on the edge of snapping.

You imagine that helped him out on the stage and you finally felt like he fit the rough drummer image that had been given to him by fans and media despite never making that connection yourself when you had known him. So to hear him sigh softly hearing that you were planning on leaving before they even performed, you were stopping in your tracks and finding yourself willing to hear him out.

“He doesn’t know you’re here yet and he’s driving himself so insane that he’s sick in the bathroom.” He was saying in a lower tone and you imagined that staff and other members were around him considering how soon the show was going to start. “No one can get him to come out but I have a feeling on who might.”

Tears were filling your eyes as he spoke about Heeseung’s condition but you were shaking your head in denial despite the fact he couldn’t see you, wiping your face with your sleeve before whispering back to him in a shaky tone. “I can’t do this Jake.”

“Please Y/N.” He was quickly retorting back and he sounded so similar to how he used to that you felt floored. His tone was genuine and filled with concern for his friend and you’d almost forgotten what he sounded like when he cared about something. “All these years you haven’t answered him, please don’t leave yet. Atleast get him on stage and then you can go and I’ll make sure he can’t find you for the rest of the time we’re here.”

Your breath was catching at the last half of his rushed statement and you were covering your mouth for a second with a shaky hand. It took you a few breaths to think of what to say and he stayed silent on the other line throughout it.

“Promise me.” You were mumbling out and clutching the device so hard you were worried it would crack, hearing nothing on the other side for a bit as your stomach bubbled with thick anxiety. “Promise me you’ll keep him away from me after this.”

It went silent again and you were almost positive that he had hung up the phone before he was speaking again in a defeated tone. “I promise.”

——

If you had gone back to the week before and told yourself that you’d be standing in a room with all of your old friends, you would’ve probably hid under the counter at work and begged future you to leave you alone.

You were trying your best to not showcase the fact that you were absolutely freaking out and filling with more and more devastation every time one of them spoke in their lifeless and annoyed tones, bickering behind you about the purpose of your presence and debating wether it was a good idea or not to allow you to be the one to try and gather Heeseung.

“He invited her for a reason Hoon.” Sunoo was sighing in your defense but he didn’t seem optimistic about it either, barely sparing you a glance since you walked through the door and anxiously checking his walkie talkie every few minutes to try and update the staff.

“Because he saw her yesterday and it fucked him up, he’s not in his right mind.” Jay was snapping before Sunghoon could answer for himself and you flinched at his loud tone, taking a step back when he was standing off the couch and throwing an arm in your general direction to emphasize that it was your fault.

You were frowning deeply at the accusation, not understanding how it could possibly be your fault that Heeseung was having a melt down especially when they didn’t seem that rare for him, his general anxiety and mental health another constant topic in the tabloids.

They continued to argue and you did your best to tune them out while simultaneously trying to ignore the fact Jungwon was silently staring at you from the corner and Jake was only a few feet away from you with his arms crossed. He hadn’t said much to come to your defense but he was continuously shooting you glances like he was trying to monitor your reactions.

You might as well have been in a room full of amped up strangers, possibly high as they paced and jittered about and a part of you felt like you were grieving now that you knew there would be no way to pretend things were still the same, no more pretending time was frozen and nothing had changed.

“Have any of you been able to calm him down this entire time?” You were suddenly asking from near the wall and it was the first time you’d spoken since you’d gotten in there.

The reaction was immediate and varying from each boy, half of them tensing up and looking more frustrated at the sound of your familiar voice and the others almost instantaneously losing the tension in their shoulders with softened eyes. It was like they hadn’t fully processed you being there until you spoke, talking around you in hypotheticals like you imagined they’d been doing over the years.

You wondered if you were a topic they were supposed to avoid mentioning like Heeseung had become for you. Then you selfishly wondered if they’d missed you at all.

Nobody answered for a while and then Jungwon was shaking his head softly, holding your gaze with a sympathetic look that caused you to nod in understanding. “Isn’t it worth a try then?”

“We have 15 minutes.” Sunghoon was saying in that same cold tone he’d been using but it held some level of defeat this time, slumping back into the couch and saying no form of the objection he had voiced so quickly earlier.

You were being directed to a hallway suddenly by Sunoo and before you could say anything or ask why he was ushering you out, he was hastily pointing to a door and scurrying off back towards the dressing room. You didn’t necessarily need him to explain, hearing the soft sobs and gags coming from behind the door now, but you wished he had given you a bit more time to collect yourself or think of something to say.

You took a deep breath and decided to not stall and try to gather some of the might you had the other night, pushing through the door and pausing once you were on the other side of it.

“If I have to tell you to fuck off one more time I’m going to get everybody in this shitty arena fired.”

Heeseung’s voice was coming from one of the stalls and your entire body locked up at the sound of it, never hearing him quite so angry before but also never hearing him sound so empty and wrecked. He was clearly holding back his sobs now that somebody was in there but you could see one of his leather boots poking into the stall next to his, laying on the floor and most likely clutching the toilet.

You were approaching the plastic door without saying anything and tugging on it softly once you were close to it, your fingers curling around the top of it and pulling it towards you with a small shake.

Heeseung’s words about the arena being shitty weren’t necessarily incorrect considering the lock on the door was immediately budging and it was flying open towards you, revealing you standing behind it to his swollen eyes and allowing you to see his frame curled up on the floor in a sickened despair.

He looked beyond surprised to see you and you were almost worried he was going to throw up again just from the shock of your arrival, his body locking up and then immediately tensing even more when you were taking a reluctant step inside the stall with him. You may have been practically strangers with a heavy history now but you still knew Heeseung better than you knew yourself most days and you felt that same comfort and familiarity as you always did.

So you were sinking to the dirty floor across from him and sighing softly, letting your head lean against the wall of the stall and glancing at him hesitantly.

“You came.” He was finally breathing out and his voice sounded tight because of your close proximity, not necessarily touching but the closest you’d been in almost half a decade. He was struggling to sit up but he eventually managed and stretched his legs out in your direction, both of you sitting in the same position across from each other.

“You invited me.” You whispered back to him with a small sad smile that was slipping away as fast as it came. “I was on the list.”

He didn’t laugh but you could tell he appreciated your attempts to lighten the situation, eyes softening slightly at the way your shoulders raised into a small casual shrug.

“What’s happening Heeseung?” You were asking him but you both knew what it was already and you felt just as sick as he looked as you said his name, almost feeling like a swear word as it fell from your lips naturally. “Why are we here right now?”

“You…” He was pausing as his voice shook and you watched him closely, not missing the way he was avoiding looking in your direction and instead staring down at the shaky hands that were picking at his fingers in his lap. “You stopped answering the letters, you wouldn’t talk to me anymore.”

Your shoulders deflated as he spoke in a hurt voice, clearly being bothered by your lack of communication and not at all understanding why you had done it in the first place. You admit that it was a bit childish on your side to completely cut him off without a final conversation but you knew Heeseung would never just let you go like you needed.

“It was only supposed to be a few months Hee, you said you’d come home and you never did.” You tried to keep your tone less accusatory than his but you were also extremely hurt by what he had done.

You’d spend the entirety of your time with Heeseung making him your source of happiness and that was your first mistake because he was always bound to leave. He was always set after something much bigger than your town could ever offer but you guess a stupid part of you thought that you would be enough for him to stay.

You didn’t want him to give up his dreams, it was the entire reason you fell for him in the first place but you just wished time could stay frozen in that summer.

It’d been years and you still could feel him sitting next to you, never smoking with the others because you didn’t even though you knew he did it when you weren’t around. He was always supporting you like that and even though neither of you ever said it out loud, you knew he loved you too. It wasn’t his fault that he loved music more and you could never compare to the feeling it gave him but you tried your hardest.

Sometimes you thought it was working, when he’d come over after practice and you’d lay together in your backyard with its overgrown grass. You’d feel it tickling against your bare skin when you laughed at a stupid joke he made and rolled in the other direction clutching your stomach.

Other times you were once again hit with the reminder that he was only temporary, you’d see him zone out listening over and over to tracks he’d been producing or his eyes would go wide with amazement any time you went to a show that wasn’t his.

And you were completely right about him being temporary up until now, watching him sit across from you with that broken expression on his face that made you sick every time you locked eyes with him. You weren’t sure what exactly started his decline, you felt guilt for playing a large part in it but you didn’t think it would be much difference if you had stuck around his life anyways.

Maybe you would’ve begged him to come home when he started going to star filled parties, too many drugs to avoid and too much pressure to fit in to not indulge. Maybe you would’ve called Yoongi and demanded for a hiatus, giving you some time to come see him or bring him back home for a week or two to calm him and his system down.

Maybe you wouldn’t have ended up on the dirty floor of a public bathroom where he was vomiting his guts out just a few minutes ago. You could’ve been back in your long grass or pressed next to him on his dads old couch, still just as young and just as silently inlove with the boy with pretty pink hair and eyes so wide and amazed you couldn’t help but drink them in.

“I would’ve stayed.” He was finally forcing out the words necessary to snap you from your thoughts, the words you’d been considering for the past few years. “If you told me to stay I would have in a second.”

“And then what?�� You were retorting quickly but your tone was weak and sad instead of bitter and iced over, shaking your head softly and giving him another sad smile and humorless laugh as you considered the option. “We grow old together with you secretly hating me for ruining your dreams, I live with the guilt of making you do that.”

“I could never hate you. Nothing could ever make me hate you, trust me I’ve tried.” His tone was the opposite of yours, aggressive and nasty as he spat out the words like they burned but you knew his anger wasn’t directed at you necessarily.

You let the two of you fall into an unfamiliar silence, giving him time to collect himself before he accidentally said something he’d eventually end up regretting even more than he already was.

He didn’t say anything either and he seemed to understand what you were doing, sighing out a shuttered breath before he was scooting forward across the floor until his knees were knocking against yours. You glanced up at him and your face fell at the exhausted look on his face, leaning forward similarly until you could wrap your hands around his and squeeze them tightly with your thumbs rubbing over his calloused skin.

Heeseung was sucking in a breath at the feeling of you touching him and then he was breaking into small hiccuped sobs that left you feeling heavy and lost on what you could do to help him.

You were letting yourself sink back into the past when you were moving forward even more so you could pull him closer towards you, his upper half practically in your lap now as you cradled his head and softly pet his damp hair that was dyed black now and messily falling into his eyes.

Your own eyes were falling shut and you were resting yourself on top of him, half hugging each other and half just giving up and letting the weight of his body and yours combine into a mess of limbs and heavy sobs. It was making you feel both better and worse, feeling him so close again but not knowing if it was the last time and also holding the knowledge that you’d missed such a large portion of time with him like this.

It wasn’t possible to get back everything you’d missed, it wasn’t possible to rewind and start over and you weren’t sure there was any way to prevent this amount of hurt anyways.

You could’ve asked him to stay with you all those years ago but then you’d never see that light within him again and you know it would always be on the back of his mind, his fingers and heart always aching for more than what you could give him and you’d stay up countless nights regretting making him give that up for you.

Maybe if you had answered his letters, picked up his relentless calls and heard him out when he didn’t come home. He could’ve had a good reason or maybe just hearing him finally say he loved you would be enough for you to handle the impossible distance.

So many what ifs that you’d never get the answer to because you weren’t there and you’d never get back there again no matter how much your heart still held onto the past and your love together.

Instead you were here and this was where the road with him had led you, cradling each other as the crowd cheered for him outside and it fell on your deaf ears. You knew he wasn’t going to let you go and you weren’t going to make him, you weren’t going to make him choose again and you didn’t know if that would be enough this time but you listened to him cry and prayed it would be.

Heeseung sung out a choir of sobs and gasps into your chest and you knew you would stay with him for as long as he needed you too, until his cries died down or your legs went numb.

Until the cheers fell into silence and the fans went home for the night disappointed, at least holding the knowledge that the music would still be there tomorrow.

You still weren’t positive that he was really here with you and he still felt as fleeting and temporary as he did when you first had met him, wide eyed and stuttered conversations. It was only a small flicker of hope and comfort that your love for him was the most permanent thing you’d ever experienced.

And that small flicker was more than enough for you.

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mint-yooxgi · 11 months

Text

Spectre - Yandere!Wraith!Hyunjin

Yandere AU & Wraith AU - First Person POV

Genre: Mature, Smutty Themes, Monologue

Pairing: Hyunjin X Implied Chubby!Reader

Words: 1,630

Warnings: Implied stalking and murder, talk of self-mutilation and dirty thoughts. This is a Yandere story, it will contain themes such as stalking, violence, obsession, possessive natures, and just general overall creepiness and swearing. You have been warned.

A/n: This one is meant to be read as if he's talking directly to you. Think "Meant To Be Yours" from the musical Heathers, just less intense anger. Hehehe, I hope you like it! Feedback is greatly appreciated! Enjoy!~

The Fifth of The Feral Drabbles

“Don’t be scared, Pretty. You know I would never hurt you.

Just let me in. Don’t you want me to take care of you?

Ignoring me won’t make me go away; you can’t get rid of me that easily. I’m attached to you now, whether you like it or not. Our bond can never be broken. You’re mine and I’m yours, and I will do everything in my power to make sure that you are never taken away from me again.

Pretty, why are you crying? You should be overjoyed! I’m not going to leave you ever again!

Oh, I get it! They’re tears of joy, aren’t they? You’re just as ecstatic as I am to know we’ll no longer be apart, and now with this newfound bond, I’ll be able to touch you! Isn’t that exciting?

I’ll be honest, Pretty, I’ve longed to know what your skin feels like beneath my fingertips. For too long my gentle brushes have simply passed right through you. I want to feel you pressed against me. I want to hold you in my arms both in the most innocent of ways, and also in the most intimate. I’ll finally be able to make you feel so good.

You’d like that, wouldn’t you? Now, I’ll no longer have to stand by and watch those others who have been ridiculously unworthy of you touch you. No one will ever lay their filthy hands on you again. No one but me is allowed to touch you.

I’d do anything you’d want. I’ll admit, when I still drew breath, I was quite a selfish lover, but I’ve learned from my mistakes. I’ve spent too long fantasizing about burying my face between those plush thighs of yours to not want to take my time with you, and indulge in every desire you’ve ever had. I’ve seen how frustrated the others always leave you, and I’ll make sure that you’re satisfied in every way I can.

All you have to do is let me in…

I already told you, I’m not going anywhere. I’m not going to leave you alone. You mean too much to me.

Wait! I know! I’ll prove to you how well I know you! Then, you’ll have to let me in. Or maybe, I could try seducing you with my words? Would you like that, Pretty? For me to delve deeply into your soul and caress you with the romantic tenderness you have always craved to hear from your lovers?

I know my visage is usually meant to bring death and terror, but there is nothing more that I long to do than breathe into you the vibrance of life. You’re so beautiful, and you deserve only the best. You deserve someone to laugh at all of your corny jokes with. You deserve someone who will cherish you like you are the most delicate flower in the garden of the universe, of which you are. You deserve to be loved how you’ve always wanted, and I am more than willing to give that to you.

In fact, do you remember that day you were out with that- that- thing.

Forgive me, I dare not speak that bastard’s name. I honestly don’t know what you saw in him. He was a good for nothing, ugly, vile, piece of-

Sorry, Pretty. I guess I just got too carried away…

You can’t blame me. That’s just what you do to me. Picturing you with anyone else… well, I’m not a wraith for nothing.

Anyways, as I was saying, do you remember that day? How certain things started happening when he dared to get close to you?

Yes, that was me. I couldn’t stand the sight of him touching what’s mine. He never deserved you. Besides, you didn’t know what he was like when you weren’t around.

I took the liberty to follow him. I just had to know why you preferred his company, and seriously Pretty, you should have heard the shit he would talk about with his friends behind your back. It’s a shame someone seemed to pick them off one by one…

Yes, Pretty, that was also my doing. I couldn’t have scum walking this earth who could so easily disrespect My Pretty, now could I? Sometimes being what I am has its perks.

No, don’t cry harder! I promise I’ll never hurt you! I love you!

I- I- I don’t want you to be scared of me.

I know! Would hurting me make you feel better?

I mean, you locking me out like this already hurts me, but I’ll gladly let you do whatever you want to me. Now that we’re bonded, I’m susceptible to more things than before, but the regular stuff still works, too. Iron, salt, fire: pick your poison, I’ll suffer through it all. Though, if you’d prefer something more substantial, like a blade, I’ll gladly bleed for you. After all, only you can touch me now.

…Is it that surprising that I would want to bleed for you? After I already told you that I would do absolutely anything and everything for you?

Carve your fucking name into my skin. I don’t care. In fact, I’ll gladly do it for you.

Just please, won’t you let me in? I want to see your pretty face again; it’s been too long since I’ve last gazed upon you.

I don’t care if I appeared to you only an hour ago! It’s been too long!

You know, this isn’t how I pictured this going…

I won’t lie to you pretty, I had hoped we would be in the midst of making love right now.

It’s you who makes me so crazy, you know. You seriously have no idea what you do to me…

Long have I since desired to worship you. I mean, I already worship the very ground you walk on, but you’ve never seemed to notice. I honestly hated knowing how you thought those roses I always left for you every week were from that bastard.

Selfishly, I wanted to show up with those red flowers, litter your bed in their petals, and then make love to you like you’ve never been loved before. Until you were shaking from a single touch. Until you were dripping down my face from the amount of times I would make you come from my tongue alone. Until the only thing your hoarse voice could utter, the only thing that you could think of, would be my name.

Don’t you want me, too? I’ve been with you this whole time, but now that you can actually see me, you don’t-

It’s my appearance, isn’t it? I’m not desirable to you.

It’s okay, Pretty. I can handle the truth. You don’t find me attractive, do you? That’s why you’re so scared right now. You’re terrified of how I might react.

I can change, you know. I’ll change for you. Whatever you want from me, know that it’s yours. I’ll figure everything out, just as long as I get to have you in the end. You already own all of me, and you know I’m willing to give my everything for you.

I am a little shocked, though. I have always been told that I’m quite handsome, especially when I was alive, but I guess I don’t suit everyone’s tastes. Unfortunate that I only care about yours, but you don’t seem to desire my looks.

You’ve gone awfully silent all of a sudden. That means I’m right, doesn’t it? You aren’t attracted to me like I thought you would be.

Your breathing just picked up when you said that. Are you, perchance, lying?

Oh, Pretty, it’s okay. I’m so in tune with your body and your every reaction, I can tell when you’re being dishonest with yourself. I’m just happy to know that my theory is wrong. You do find me attractive, don’t you?

I’m all yours, Pretty. You know that? Everything that I am, belongs to you. I just want to take my time loving you, and getting to cherish you like you’ve always wanted. Like you’ve always deserved.

So, please, won’t you open the door?

What do you mean, ‘no’?

I’m getting tired of these games, Pretty. I’ve tried playing nice, but the way you’re hiding from me is getting on my every last nerve. I’ve already waited years for this moment, and now that it’s here, you’re pushing me away? I don’t think so.

I’ll give you five seconds, and if you don’t open this fucking door before the time is up, I will smash through it without a second thought. Even you can’t keep me away forever. I won’t let you.

One.

Two.

You’re really testing my patience, Pretty. You know that, right?

Three.

Four.

Five.

That’s it, I warned you. I’m coming in whether you like it or not.

Wait, why can’t I get through your door? Pretty, did you do something?

Answer me, Pretty.

Pretty…

I know you’re scared, Pretty, but just let me in. Open the door, and let me in. I’m starting to get really angry, and I would hate to have to do something that I might come to regret. You can’t hide from me forever.

I’m fucking done waiting for you. You’re mine, whether you like it or not. I don’t care what it takes, I’m going to bust this fucking door down and find you. I’ll drag you out of that room if I have to; you’re not going anywhere without me. You can’t. You better be prepared for that, Pretty.

After all, this salt line will only protect you for so long, and once I’m through… Once I’m through, I’ll make you feel my love. It’s the only thing my spirit still lives on to do.”

#yandere hyunjin #yandere stray kids #yandere kpop #stray kids drabble #hyunjin scenario #hyunjin smut #stray kids scenario #stray kids smut #skz smut #skz scenarios #skz x reader #wraith au #kpop scenario #kpop smut #chubby reader

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bloodychazorite · 8 months

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Q!Slime Rant :DDD

I think Q!Slime deserves to snap, or–at the very least–be bitter.

It is insane how the other members of the other members have been treating him, ever since he lost his daughter. Mocking him, ridiculing him, bringing him back over and over again to that moment. Gods forbid, however, he does the same for a second, asking the–perfectly rational, by the way–question of whether or not the eggs are actually okay. Everyone knows JuanaFlippa is different from the other eggs, being brought back a few times now. And even Slime doesn’t know this but the other residents of the island suspect that Juana is code and trying to infect him. They know she’s different as well, so the question isn't insane.

Wilbur openly poked him, calling him a Misclicker but as soon as he brings up that valid point of Tallulah maybe not being okay, he snaps. (Also this hypocrite was yelling at Phil for not doing anything? Oh my gods.) Bad brought up Flippa’s death and Charlie’s mistakes and failures every chance he got and gave him an egg named after his dead daughter during his fucking breakdown. I’m aware that he’s a demon and maybe that contributes to the fact that he has harshly different standards of what’s okay, but that is an insane action to jump to. When your egg is alive, it’s a lot easier to mock those with dead children, isn’t it?

No one is even remotely attempting to help him with the Code Virus.

They are laughing, and they are pointing it out, but no one is doing anything. Each and every one of them knows that Charlie will be stubborn if they tell him it’s Flippa. Denial is his favorite stage of grief and he’s hardly left it since he first got on this island. But that doesn’t change the fact that people know something is wrong and no one has tried to help other than a brief, “Are you okay?” Or an “Are you feeling alright?”

Clearly not!!

I’m not saying he was a perfect saint, and I’m not saying he’s never done anything wrong. For a while, he was a terrible parent. But he was trying to change, and even succeeding in a few aspects. He loved his girl and was trying to change for her, even before she died for the first time.

Each time he had something taken from him, he got worse.

Every time his daughter died, Mariana left, Tilín’s death, everything makes him worse.

No one tried to help him then, and no one is trying to help him now.

He is far from perfect, but he hardly deserves the endless amounts of suffering he’s been subjected to, not many people do.

A person is deteriorating, decaying, being eaten alive from the inside out in front of each of the island’s residents. People are watching decomposition happen in real time, mentally and physically. In the mental aspect, they’ve been watching it happen for months.

I hope Charlie goes full corrupt and eats all their asses.

Y'know what? Not even that!

I hope he goes full corrupt and they have to lock him up or contain him somehow because he becomes a danger to others or a contamination issue.

Maybe he drags himself around the island, voice hollow and teeming with glitch after tic after error.

Perhaps the Federation could step in and drag him away kicking and screaming desperately for his daughter, wailing and sobbing for anyone to listen and save him, forgive him.

He could lose all concept of his humanity, entirely a shell of his former self, and every person he speaks to can hardly find his soul behind his eyes until he sees Flippa. Not even José cheers him up anymore. The only light in his eyes is the unnatural green gleam against his now dull blue eyes when his gaze meets Flippa’s.

And I hope that–no matter what–every member of Quesadilla Island has to come to terms with the fact that they did nothing to help a suffering, mentally tortured friend, and now there’s a chance that they’ll never get him back.

Anyway I’m insane how's your day going :p

#qsmp #q!slimecicle #charlie slimecicle #badboyhalo #el mariana #juanaflipa #codecicle #qsmp codeflippa #they make me sick #I hope Q!Slime gets worse #can't wait till everything goes to shit #qsmp rant #fucking love this server man #somebody please talk to me about this I'm imlpoding

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angelstate · 1 year

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Why do you hide?

Peter parker x fem!reader

Genre: Fluff, Angst, Happy Ending! :)

Warnings: explicit trauma, low self-esteem, panic attack.

summary: being introverted usually made you end up alone in most things, people nowadays didn't put effort into relationships to actually stick around and get to know who you are. Everyone except Peter parker.

words: 2.9k!

this is my first ever post here so i'm sorry if is not really good. i hope you enjoy it!

it was normal by now, people ignoring your existence in the hallways, bumping into you and never stopping to say sorry. Still, it couldn't be described as bullying, nobody directly picked on you, called you names or made awful comments about how you looked. they just made no effort in pretending they weren't annoyed by your existence in the busy hallways.

even though you were an introverted, not even once in your life you acted as hostile as all the other kids were. what kind of people had been raising them that saying sorry was a punishment and not a common manner? It was ridiculous at some points.

For example, why wouldn't Jessica Williams say sorry when she accidentally hit you with her backpack the last Monday? you could never forgive yourself if you were the one to hit somebody on accident and didn't acknowledge the incident and apologies.

for children it's ok if they are embarrassed to say sorry or admit their mistakes since they are still learning manners but for a 16 year old girl to not be able to say sorry was worrying.

of course not all people in highschool were this dense and unfriendly but the once that were actually nice already had a lot of friends and it felt disrespectful to just go in the friend circle and demand to be accepted and befriended. it even felt selfish to want friends at all, even fake ones.

you parents always reminded you that most people present themselves with a fake persona so you should never trust them until they really star behaving in a realistic way and if people around you didn't felt inclined to acknowledge your existence that screamed a lot of who you are as a person.

and thanks to your situation at school it felt real your parents words. nobody was interested in the slightest about who you are so there was no point in trying to be friends with anybody.

then, Peter Parker came around and all the progress you had done into accepting that nobody wanted you around went to waste in a matter or days.

finally, after manifesting to the universe for someone to enter in your life and be able to understand your pain and why you were the way you are, peter showed up. with his super intelligence, dorky star wars t-shirts, pretty face, and awkward but charming personalty to crumble everything you knew about people because he was so nice.

actually, not just nice. he was warm like a ray of sunshine in spring, so calming and cozy that you feel like melting everytime he talks, every word he says just feels like one good secret that only the both of us knows or a promise that will last for eternity, there is no in between when it comes to peter parker.

everything about him was perfect but....you weren't.

you didn't have super intelligence, didn't like you apparrence even though you always made the effort to look good, and definitely weren't charming like him.

you are soft-spoken, introverted, shy and more simple in the way you expressed yourself.

you have to many layers, a thousand walls that try to protect the real you from getting hurt again by fake people who just wanted the benefits of being your friend, and it's ok. you need that safety but at the same time you only end up further isolating yourself and losing opportunities to grow because you prefer the comfort of being alone over the possibility of being a better version of yourself in a community.

_____________________

it had become a routine, stand in front of your locker and looking for what you needed for the next class and peter parker appearing next to you, ready to try and engage in some sort of conversation that you were always unprepared for.

"you know the movie Titanic?" he asked.

" yeah, i like that movie"

"i was reading the other day that almost all the love story is made up" he tilted his head to get a better look at your face.

you frowned.

"oh, that's...sad. i always thought it was a real love story of one of the survivors of the Titanic" you sighed.

"me too! whoever wrote that story is a genius." he laughed a little and took the books you pulled out of your locker from your hands

you closed the locker softly and turned your body to face peter completely, taking your books from him and smiling.

"it's a pretty good love story but i don't think is my favorite" you admitted.

Titanic is a good movie and the love story is great but not the type you prefer. 'Me Before You' that is the type of love story that absolutely captures your heart. it didn't have the happy ending you prayed for the entire movie and absolutely crushed your heart that Sam didn't changed his mind but it also added a cruel human aspect that made your heart feel warm.

"Titanic is great!" Peter argued

"i agree but there are better movies out there" you argued back

"like which one?" He questioned

"Me before You is great" you responded

"i haven't watched it" peter frowned and crossed his arms.

"you should, it's amazing." you smiled once again and began walking towards your next class, peter followed you immediately since it was one of the classes you shared. Algebra.

"we could watch it together, i mean if you want to watch it with me, you don't have to i just wanted to know if you'd like to watch it with me" he stuttered and panicked slightly.

"i would love to, we could watch it tomorrow"

"yeah, that would be great" peter answered quickly.

you already knew where peter lived, this was going to be good, right?

_____________________

yeah....it was too god to be true.

those were the words that kept repeating in your mind and were the same words your mom said when she reacted to the news of you finally beginning to be friends with someone that was actually a good person.

"it's too good to be true, kid" your mother spoke without even looking at you, too busy preparing herself something to eat. the smell of alcohol still lingering in her skin and hair. you doubt a shower wold be able to get rid of it, it was her signature smell after all, even if she didn't want to admit it.

"peter is my friend, mom." you explained with desperation in your voice, wanting your mother feel happy for you once in her life. it was so hard to prove her that your social life wasn't all tragic but also good and promising thanks to peter.

"you sure? I don't want to come to me crying if he turns out to be like Sarah"

...

you froze in your spot, your mom was aware of how much you have avoided the topic of Sarah. How she created a new world of pain just for you to suffer when she pretend to be your friend because how much of a people pleaser you are. that's why she didn't felt the need to question your motives when you beg to go to a different high school.

nobody in your family knew the things Sarah manipulated you into doing, of course your mom was aware Sarah was a trouble maker, that was what she was so known for, what she didn't know is the trouble she forced on you.

smoking was bad, drinking too but that didn't compare to all the 'rituals' and 'tests' she made you do to prove loyalty to her. To prove that if she ever got caught doing something bad you would have her back and lie her wait out of the situation.

it would be an understatement to say that you were naive, the second your mother knew about the things sarah did to you she didn't hesitate to call you all names existing for stupid and that memory never went away.

finally after almost 2 minutes of silence you spoke again, voice trembling and out of breath.

"he isn't like Sarah, he is like me"

"that's worse."

that's worse? i am worse?

"how is that worse? I'm a good kid"

you mom laughed hard, and for the first time looked at you. it was evident in her eyes how she wasn't taking you seriously in the slightest, it was so clear she didn't gave a fuck about this that it was painful to watch her enjoy your pain so much. she was so joyed about mocking you and the one optimistic thought you had in months that she couldn't contain her excitement in shutting it down immediately

"a good kid? if anything your a pain in my ass. If that kid is as stupid as you are then god helps his family because i certainly need gods help when dealing with your dumbass"

how cruel of her to speak like that about you, the kid how always kept quiet, that did everything she was asked for even if it wasn't convenient for you to do so. the one that made sure she passed out in her bed instead of the floor every time she drank too much.

she was mean and bitter about your existence when she should be joyed about your upbringing. the worst mother.

"you don't have to be so mean" you whimpered, the knot that began to form in your throat made it hard to breath and the tears that were leaving your eyes so softly began to feel overwhelming, just like your sweater and pants. It felt like you were overflowing with so much emotions of distress that your body was trying to escape from itself.

without waiting for her answer you went to your room and locked the door, everything felt so suffocating. Your clothes all of a sudden felt tight and uncomfortable, but your hands began shaking too much to be able to take any piece of clothing off and the open window didn't seem to let enter any air inside the room.

This was a nightmare in real life.

The panic attack was ripping you apart and all you could do was to sit in the hard wood floor and sob uncontrollably and feel the way your heart seem to be going even faster every passing second.

but someone saw you and got worried about you.

_____________________

a few days later

how could you face him? how even dare you face him after everything that happened with your mom? Obviously peter didn't know what happened but the incident was in your mind and it had infested every corner of it. it was impossible to ignore the fresh memory or get out of the state of shame you were on.

After laying awake all this nights you came to the 'realization' that whatever you had going on with Peter wouldn't work.

He isn't like you and you made a mistake saying he was to your mom. He is so much more, so much better that saying that you were like him felt like one of the worsts sins you ever committed.

Once again, how dare you come close to a good person just because you were lonely? you didn't want to go close ever again or face him in any kind of way, not even with pictures.

so you did what any coward would do, you began hiding.

at first it was easy, just keep every book you need in your backpack so you never need to go to your locker. But then your back started to hurt, a lot.

So you created another plan, hide in the bathroom and wait till its almost time for your classes run to your locker and arrive late to class, at least the ones you didn't have with Peter.

In those you had to get more creative, you started to use a big scarf that covered almost half of your face and using big hoodies to hide the rest of your face, since it was winter the outfit was according and almost all the other girls were doing the same things.

it didn't hide you completely but that was the best you could do to at least hide a little bit. it felt pathetic most of the time but the shame kept you from stopping.

peter wasn't an idiot though. he noticed, first when you didn't showed up at his house to watch the movie and later on that night when he watched you have a panic attack in your room when we went to check up on you as Spiderman.

he knew something must have happened and was planning on speaking with you about it the next day but you didn't went to school for days and when you finally appeared you didn't give any opportunity for peter to talk to you

it was like you had turned into a ghost, peter rarely saw you in the hallways and you always seem to arrive to your shared classes with everybody else to hide your silhouette from him.

but one day you didn't hide good enough...

_____________________

you were in the library almost nobody came here in lunch so it was the perfect hiding place, you were reading one of the harry potter books that the librarian had in her desk and kindly let you borrow.

being a fan of the books you directly began to read in one after sitting in one of the tables that were hide by bookshelf's it was so peaceful, too peaceful to be exact and you didn't realize until it was too late.

until peter parker was already standing in front of you, at the other side of the table looking at you with mixed emotions and a blank expression.

"here have you been?" he questioned you the moment you looked at him. his tone was harsh but also full of pain

"here." you answered softly, it was barely a whisper but peter heard you loud and clear.

"i don't mean today, i'm talking about this week. where have you been?" he questioned you again this time in a softer tone.

"at school, i've been busy with stuff" you broke eye contact and looked at the table in shame.

"but you haven't gone to you locker at any point"

"i have"

"when."

"after the bell rings" you admitted.

"why? i mean you'd end up being late to class if you do that"

"i know"

"what happened? did i made you mad or something? if i did i'm sorry i swear it wan't my intention and i'd like to make up for it." he spoke i desperation, the same way you did to your mother and that made your heart clench in pain.

"you didn't do anything wrong, peter" you sighed and covered you face with your hands in stress

"then why do you hide?

shame. you wanted to scream but something inside of you just wouldn't let you speak, it was everything too embarrassing, the fight with your mom, your obvious attempts into avoiding peter, getting caught by him and being confronted about it.

taking a deep breath, you uncovered your face and looked at peter with your best 'sorry' face and just explained your thoughts to him the best you could.

"i just...i don't think you and me are compatible. you're a genius and a just amazing in general and i'm well me. your out of my league in so many way that i can't understand why do you even talk to me half of the time. i don't know even half the things you do and even when i do know some of them, you have much more knowledge about it so you have no logical reason to be close with some one so stupid like me"

"that not true"

" it is, peter. and it's not even abut you being intelligent. it's about me not being it; not being any good to you or anyone in general. i am dumb, stupid, idiotic and foolish. i am empty. not even my interest are interesting enough and the worst thing is that can't never find it in me to just try and be more likeable "

"you are likeable, i like you. that's why i'm always talking to you and around you every chance i have"

you looked at him wide eyed and watch as he processed what he said. his expression filled with panic and before he could even explain himself you were already speaking

"do you mean it?"

"what..well i mean, you know i...uhm i guess what i'm trying to say is that....yeah i mean it but you don't have to feel the same i mean i totally get why you would not want to be with me is just... let's pretend this never happened"

"i like you too" you spoke softly and felt your face blush profusely. this felt like a dream, peter parker could not be in love with you. is too good to be true. everything with him felt too good to be true.

"you do?" peter said with a hopeful tone, his eyes are shinning with adoration and relief from not being rejected by the girl he loved so deeply

"i do"

he basically rushed to your side, picked you up and kissed you with passion and love that it took everything in you to separate yourself when you ran out of breath.

peter parker loved you, there was no point in hide yourself anymore. and if he was too good to be true then it was meant to mae you just as great being by his side.

"i love you" you both whispered at the same time.

#peter parker x reader #peter parker fic #peter parker #spiderman #peter parker x fem!reader #peter parker fluff #tom holland #tom holland spiderman

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happilyhertale · 2 years

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Long Lost Love - Aemond Targaryen x female!reader, Part 2

Summary: You are the daughter of Daemon and Rhaenyra. When the invitation to Aegon and Helaena's wedding came, your entire family rushes from Dragonstone to King's Landing to take part in the festivities. You haven't seen your family in King's Landing for 6 years so you are very excited...

Pairing: Aemond Targaryen x fem!reader

Warnings: At the beginning none – eventually smut (uncle/niece)

Author’s note: Hello you!

This is my first fic so please be nice :) I thought I'd just try a little self-considered story. I hope you like it. The events are not entirely similar from the series

English is my second language, please forgive me if I made any mistakes (:

Word count: 3,2k

Part 1, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7a, Part 7b, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12, Part 13, Part 14, Part 15

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

When you stepped out of the carriage, you could see King Viserys and Queen Alicent. But the other faces gathered around your grandfather and Alicent were not familiar to you. Your brothers arrived with a second carriage and you were glad when they finally stood by your side. "Rhaenyra, my beloved daughter. It is so good to see you. I hope your journey was pleasant?" spoke King Viserys.

"Father, yes it was pleasant. But we are just glad to have arrived." You look into your mother's face and you see her tiredness. Daemon simply nodded to the king. Alicent has always been very kind to you. You don't actually have any memories of her ever being unkind to you. Alicent takes a step towards you and takes your hands in her own. "My dear Y/N, it's so good to see you again" "Thank you your grace" you say, smiling.

"She has truly grown to be the most beautiful woman in the entire realm, the rumours can indeed be believed", she looks at your mother and smiles warmly, but still hesitantly at her.

Such statements make you uncomfortable. You have heard these ridiculous rumours before, but you don't care much for it. "Such a beautiful daughter to call your own. Surely you cannot save yourself from engagement offers?"

This was really an awkward direction this conversation was taking and you just wanted to walk away. But you stand proud and just smile. But as always, your father came to your rescue, "Yes, that's quite true. But fortunately I don't give a damn about bad attempts to contaminate this pure blood."

Your mother adds, "Besides, we will not put that burden on Y/N and let her marry the man we choose for her. She will marry, but someone she loves." Alicent just smiles and lets go of your hands.

"Well there was a time when I thought we would wed our dear Y/N to Aemond," King Viserys suddenly speaks the words that make you nervous. Your grandsire smiles warmly at you. You are still smiling, but you look to your father for help. He only looks at his brother in warning.

Your brothers were visibly amused by the course of the conversation. Inconspicuously you try to kick them. Rhaenyra turned to you with an admonishing look and you just shrug your shoulders.

Viserys still smiles, "I'll let you arrive in peace for now. I suppose I'll see you tonight for a family dinner?"

You nod to each other in temporary farewell. You and your brothers finally make your way to the Red Keep. Like all those years ago, you chase each other through the corridors and halls of the Red Keep. Immediately you feel transported back to a time when you used to spend hours creeping through the corridors and the secret passages. A time when you sat for hours in the garden, often accompanied by Heleana. You talked, incessantly, and she tried to get you excited about insects.

But this (fortunately) did not really work. Yet you spent most of your time with Aemond. Aemond was technically your uncle. But it didn't feel that way to you. You grew up close together. Every day you played together, you chased each other through the corridors or he was the knight who had to save you, the princess. You also talked about everything. Well, mostly you talked and he just listened to you for hours, but also he could tell you everything about what he had read new in his books and you listened to him eagerly. Sometimes there were even shy, kind of sweet moments between you. You liked him a lot. Even if it didn't seem like it, Aemond was a very sensitive boy. And with him by your side, everything was a little easier for you. And what you had no idea about, for him the world was a lot more bearable when you were by his side. Your brothers had already run ahead while you were still lost in your thoughts. Where was Aemond? Is he even here, or is he perhaps busy elsewhere..? You would have liked to have seen him. You are very curious about his changes. It's hard for you to imagine what he looks like now.

Your brothers have meanwhile arrived at the training yard. From a distance you can see two men honing their sword skills. You are still standing half-covered in the passageway. You see the one man from behind. He was tall and slim. His tight black leather clothes covered his body completely. But you could guess that although he was slim, he must have a muscular body. You almost wondered who this man was if you hadn't seen his long silver hair. Oh and how good it looked. It was a little dishevelled from training, but it fell so gently over his shoulders. And even though you only saw him from behind, you knew that the leather band that ran across the back of his head was part of the eye patch that now covers the place where his eye once was.

Now you were nervous. There he was. After six years you will finally see him again. "Nephews. Not seen for so long. Are you interested in training with me?" His voice. Even if you didn't expect it, but his voice electrified you. You hadn't even seen his face yet and you were completely blown away. You have to pull yourself together not to go towards him immediately.

Your brothers looked at Aemond in shock. "Maybe you should train with someone who isn't afraid to face you openly" Now Your brothers looked at you in shock. But you were most surprised by yourself to answer Aemond like that.

You see exactly how Aemond freezes. Your breath was shallow as you watched Aemond slowly turn to face you. Your face turned slightly red. A wave of shame floods your body. Aemond was now facing you. A simple "Niece." leaves his lips. The sound of his voice still leaves a shiver down your spine. He lowered his sword. He too seemed overwhelmed to see you. "I would never take the chance of hurting you," he says almost softly in your direction. But you only smirk, "Don't worry about that. I was trained by Daemon, you'd rather find yourself on your knees, maybe with my sword between your legs." But this answer surprises you even more and your cheeks become redder. Aemond grinned just slightly, "Mhmm that would be more to my liking the other way around."

You look at each other. Directly into each other's eyes. You only see each other from a distance, but you could swear that you feel his warmth. Meanwhile, your brothers came over to you, Jace are taking your hand and pulling you along. Your eyes leave Aemond's eye. "What did you just say to him?", he whispers to you, almost shouting. "Oh I don't know either Jace, it just came out." Luke just chuckled.

Aemond stared after you. And yes, he was stunned. He wouldn't have expected that. He knew you were coming and he didn't want to let on, but he missed you. He missed you dearly. You were always by his side. He liked it best with you alone. Only then was he able to talk openly with you. He didn't talk much when other people were around, but with you it was just natural. You talked for hours. About things that were important to you, but also about far less important things. But he didn't care as long as you were with him and he could hear your voice. The more important thing for him, however, was that you were there when the world seemed to conspire against him. Whether it was the fact that he had no dragon or that his brothers and nephews played evil tricks on him. You were there, reassuring him, making him laugh or trying to hug him completely with your much too small body. What pleased him most was when you stood up for him. And you did that at every opportunity that came your way. As soon as you found out that Jace or Luke were being mean to Aemond, you immediately started to fight with them.

You love your brothers, he knows that. But you never understood how someone as sweet and kind as Aemond can be so badly treated. And so you had to stand up to them. And that's what Aemond missed. Just your presence. Your voice. Your conversations. But what really threw him off track was your outward change. You had become a beautiful young woman. He had heard the rumour that you were the most beautiful woman in the entire realm, but he did not believe in such women's talk. Even though Aegon left no stone unturned to elicit a comment from him about how much you might have changed in the last few years. Since it was certain that you would come, this game was now going on. The only time Aemond responded to Aegon's games was when Aegon took his sad attempts to annoy Aemond so far as to mention what he would do to you if your looks were "passable".

And now he realised that Aegon would want to do all the inappropriate things to you. Aemond may have only seen you from a distance, but you were stunning. Your long silver hair, your body slender but not too slender and your curves perfect. Above, he could glimpse the beginnings of your breasts, and that made him nervous in a way he hadn't expected. He would have loved to rush to you and gently caress your cheek. Maybe pause for a moment just to feel your warmth. But then he would have gently stroked your lips with his fingers. When he saw how quick-witted you were, he couldn't help but reply insinuatingly. He knew this was not appropriate towards a princess, but he could not help himself. Something inside him, drove him to it. "Ser Criston, let us finish our training for today, I must get ready for dinner." "Of course, Prince Aemond"

Your brothers dropped you off at your chambers. They wanted to continue to "rediscover" the old places with you, but you needed to be alone for a moment now. Dinner would be soon and you had not yet thought about what you would like to wear. Until just now, you didn't think it mattered what you wore. Or at least you told yourself it didn't matter. But now, somehow, you feel it is important… After unpacking your clothes and looking through them carefully, you hear a knock at the door. "Yes, please come in" Your mother enters. She has a slight smile on her lips, but somehow she does not look happy.

"Mother, is everything alright?" "Yea, of course. I just wanted to check on you. You were a bit nervous in the carriage after all." She looked towards the bed, where your clothes were scattered everywhere. "Mhm it looks like you're still nervous?"

You sigh "I don't know mother. I thought it was okay. I thought after six years it couldn't be that bad. And just now I saw Aemond on the training ground with Jace and Luke. And suddenly I'm thinking, I don't know what to wear to dinner. I never think about what I might wear. But suddenly this question seems quite relevant and I don't know… I don't know what to do."

Rhaenyra comes over to you and takes you in her arms "Shh, it's okay. You don't have to do anything. It's entirely up to you." She releases you from her arms and strokes your cheek. "Would you like to show me which clothes you prefer? There was actually a time when I put a lot of thought into what to wear to dinner, too."

"Yea mother, that would be great" you say with a laugh. Your mother helped you choose a black dress. It is tight-fitting and has dark red appliqués decorating the whole dress. Your arms are exposed, as is your cleavage. It's simple, but you love it. You decide to wear the necklace your father gave you for your last name day. It is beautiful, made of light Valyrian steel, decorated with individual small gemstones. You love this necklace. Contrary to your typical braids, you have decided to simply wear your hair down. Rhaenyra had long since left when you looked at yourself again in the mirror. You are slightly nervous, but you are happy to finally be able to face Aemond.

On the way to dinner, you were preoccupied with your thoughts, as you often are. You didn't want to admit it completely to yourself, but Aemond makes you nervous. You are not yet aware of why. But you blame it on the long time you have been apart. After all, you used to be able to just talk to each other for hours. You find your nervousness silly, but it is still there. But still you decide that as soon as you reach the hall you will just go and talk to him. You used to be able to talk for hours without inhibitions. You try to convince yourself that he is just Aemond and you need not be nervous.

A large part of your family is already present when you finally enter the hall. Queen Alicent is talking to her father, Otto Hightower, at the end of the long table. At the same end, Aegon and Aemond stand and talk to each other.

Your brothers are standing in the middle of the hall playing around. Your father, Daemon, and your mother, Rhaenyra, are at the other end of the table and are also talking. You somehow have the feeling that they are talking about you, because your father is looking at you with a familiar look. Anyway, you don't want to be distracted. After all, you have a plan.

You walk strictly over to Aemond, past your brothers who don't seem to be paying any attention to you. When you reach Aemond and Aegon, you hear Aemond quietly admonishing Aegon to shut up. Aegon has never been your favourite. It's just uncomfortable to be around him. And if you could, you would like to slap him so that he stops looking at you in that sleazy way. But that would not be proper for a princess.

"Prince Aemond" comes from your lips with a slight curtsy.

"Princess Y/N", he slightly bows his head.

You look into each other's eyes, Aemond smirking slightly. "Princess Y/N I am also present, it would be rude if…", before Aegon can finish his sentence, he is interrupted by Aemond.

"No you're not, you were just leaving, brother." You chuckle softly as you are relieved to hear Aemond send Aegon away. As Aegon leaves, slightly annoyed, you stand there alone with Aemond and you can feel that tension again. Slowly you begin to blush. "I hope your training was still reasonably successful?" "Yes, of course, although I didn't train for much longer. After all, I have to stay fully concentrated for training and somehow I wasn't able to do that." The blush in your cheeks intensifies a little.

Your gaze wanders to his hands. His long, slender fingers and you notice that there are some scars on them. There used to be no scars on his hands. They are not very pronounced, but they are visible. "Is that why your hands have some scars now? They look rough," you ask him with interest.

Aemond chuckled, "Oh my princess, believe me, they can be very gentle too."

You can only smirk at his comment. Then the door to the hall opens. Your grandsire, King Viserys, steps into the room, followed by his daughter, Princess Helaena. He smiles fondly at you as he passes and you curtsey before him. Helaena stops briefly at your side to give you a light hug. "It's good to finally see you again, I've missed you so much Y/N"

You hug her warmly, "I am also very happy that we finally meet again."

Your mother leans slightly towards your father, "Daemon I kinda don't like her talking to Aemond."

"Mmh? Why is that?", he looks at her questioningly.

"I don't know. I don't think he's the right one for her," she draws her eyebrows together in concern.

"Okay, now let's stay calm. After all, she's just standing with him and they're talking and she's not about to undo his trousers."

"Daemon!", she looks at him warningly.

"What? You know how it is at that age. You're constantly tempted to explore the things that are forbidden to you. It was no different with us," now he grins slightly at her from the side.

"Somehow that doesn't make it any better now... I just think he's not good for her. I was just in her chambers and she was visibly excited when she saw him."

"Yes, and now she seems trapped again. It was obvious she was going to be nervous. After all, they were inseparable as children, and now they see each other again after a long time. And besides… I wouldn't consider this union the worst thing. After all, he is of pure Targaryen blood. And he's a good swordsman. He would protect her from any danger."

"Or he'd bring her right into the middle of it"

"Oh, I doubt that. But maybe before we plan her future, we should wait and see what actually develops from it and what wishes she expresses."

"My dears," Viserys starts. And with these words you bow to Aemond and Helaena and make your way to your parents' side of the table. "I am so indescribably happy to see you all gathered. My dear children, my grandchildren, my wife, even my brother. I am happy that we are celebrating the wedding with long feasts together. And then finally to wed Aegon and Helaena. Let's start this wonderful season of celebrations together with a family dinner."

With the last words, you harp a little. Not only is poor Helaena being forced to wed the idiot Aegon. You also find the fact that they are siblings appalling. If your parents had told you that you would have to wed Jace, you would probably have run away immediately. And you would have reached such a speed that you could have run across the water. You love Jace, but no thanks. But, your parents told you at Dragonstone, it's not your place to judge, so here you sit between your parents and your brothers, drinking wine and eating the amazing food.

You are sitting right between Jace and Daemon and could join the conversation immediately. But you have already drunk too much wine to be able to follow the conversation at all. And actually you wish you were at the other end of the table right now. Aemond is sitting there, quietly drinking his wine and talking to Helaena from time to time. The more wine you have this evening, the more you have felt the desire to just go over there. How you would love to just sit there. You wouldn't even have to talk. Just sit there and watch his perfect face. His jawline that looks like it could be used to cut glass. Suddenly your eyes fall on his hands. You didn't realise until just now how beautiful his hands are. Again you blush slightly as you think back to what he said about his hands - and of course you can imagine all the delicate things he can do with his hands.

But his eye is one of the most beautiful things about him. It shines in a beautiful purple. Lost in thought, you look up to continue looking at his eye from a safe distance.

You are startled. Aemond is looking directly in your direction. He's just grinning. He has caught you staring dreamily at his fingers. Perfect, now you're blushing in full bloom. Luckily you are not completely sober, otherwise you would have screamed immediately. So you just look away. Suddenly the conversation between your father and Jace doesn't seem so uninteresting after all and you frantically try to follow.

The meal takes its course, as does the wine, which is flowing. The few times you still dare to look over at Aemond, he doesn't seem to notice. Each time he was talking to Helaena. You have the feeling that you have drunk enough wine for today. You have long since stopped trying to follow the conversation between Daemon and Jace. So you excuse yourself from your family and make your way to your chambers.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

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honeycloudz · 6 months

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Perfect Storm | Chapter Two: Klutz

Content Warnings: Sanzu strips his shirt in front of you, hes an asshole as per usual, this chapter is kinda cringe, forgive me for not updating for forever ily guys <3

Back to- Perfect Storm Chapters

Next- Chapter Three: Trapped with Truth and Dare

Darting up out of bed, you inhale sharply to yourself when you squint at the alarm clock that currently reads: 8:27 AM. The sense of uneasiness grew in you as you rushed to shower and prepare for work, as you needed to be there by 9:00 to ‘take care’ of someone, for being stupid enough to betray Mikey, let alone Bonten.

You drive first to your favorite cafe and order yourself a caffeinated coffee, although you were now almost 15 minutes behind schedule. You mumbled a quick thank you to the cashier as she carefully handed you the iced sugary drink, pulling out of the drive-through, you quickly sped to Bonten Headquarters.

You knew yourself that Mikey wouldnt scold you too hard for being a little late, considering Ran himself came very very late on most days, his excuse being, ‘I needed my beauty sleep’. So you weren't worried about that. However, what you were irritatingly expecting was Sanzu, who would go above and beyond- out of his way to disturb and ridicule you for your simple and honest mistake. Especially with your offices being across from one another, and having to complete the occasional mission together (which one of the other executives always needed to come along for, knowing if Sanzu and you were left alone with one another for too long, one or both of you would end up dead).

Parking your car in your reserved space, you stepped out carrying your cold silver gun and coffee in one hand, and stacks upon stacks of paperwork and folders in the other. Rushing into the elevator you took your first sip of your coffee, sighing out in relief after almost dropping it due to the amount of things occupying your hands. You stepped out and quickly began speed walking to your office, hoping to not find an annoying Sanzu standing at the doorway.

You couldn't help the victorious grin that crept its way to your face when you didn't notice a single sign of him near your office.

You turned to your office door, quickly putting all your items into one arm, freeing the other to turn the door knob when suddenly it was torn open. In your rush to dodge the intruder you tripped on your heel, dropping all your papers, gun and worst of all- spilling your coffee all over yourself. As you were about to slip backwards, a hand yanked your waist in order to catch you. Yelping, you reach for something to grab in a moment of panic, grasping onto who you assumed was your colleagues dress shirt, momentarily feeling the tensing of muscular and broad shoulders beneath your gripped fingers.

You gasp as your fall was cushioned by whoever was trespassing your office, your head crashed into their collarbone, the top half of your body being rested on theirs, and your lower half bent at the knees, sitting fully on their pelvis.

Laying your palms flat on your office intruder’s abdomen, you lifted yourself up slowly, grumbling out a string of curses, only to tilt your head down to find a tuft of pink hair splayed out messily, under the marble floor and bright cyan eyes looking up at your own.

“Fuck Y/N! Watch where you're going” Sanzu exasperatingly grumbled out, laid straight underneath you, having only his arms and upper body free, due to your body which was currently situated on his groin.

You only gasped at his audacity, how dare HE, the one who was snooping around in YOUR office, be mad at you for trying to get in.

“ME?! Why the hell were you in MY office, trying to rip the door off its hinges?!” You questioned him equally as dramatically, as the adrenaline from your fall was starting to wear off.

He leans up, still having you sat on his thighs as you both make eye contact, your chests touching and faces only a few inches away from one another. He rolled his eyes at you and began stripping himself of his now coffee stained shirt, making your pupils dilate, feeling your face heat up, squirming in his lap, trying to free yourself because of the sudden action of his. “WHAT ARE YOU DOING” you squeaked out.

You swore you saw a ghost of a smile on his face, mocking you for your antics.

“What? Never seen someone strip in front of you? Surprising for you.” He said obviously sarcastically with that specific lilt to his voice that always made your blood boil. However, against all odds, you managed to keep your cool. “What were you doing in my office?” You glared at him, demanding an answer.

“Wouldn't you like to know.” he spat back.

The half naked Sanzu and you still in his lap continued to throw sharp insults at each other, not noticing the sound of footsteps over your loud bickering. Unbeknownst to you, Kakucho, Rindou, and Ran are staring at the both of you in annoyance, and amusement. Rindou, clearly enjoying both you and Sanzu’s spacial unawareness, lets out an echoing wolf whistle, his brother joins in on the fun, as Kakucho lets out an exasperated sigh.

“Didn't mean to interrupt you guys.” Ran teases which makes your face heat up at the innuendo.

“What- I- EW! NO!” You gasp in the most disgusted and frightened way you could, quickly jumping off Sanzu’s lap, feeling your now completely doused skirt sticking to your thighs.

You groaned in defeat, not knowing what to do when you felt soft fabric thrown in your face. Quickly shoving it off, ready to start an argument with Sanzu, (because you just know it was him that threw it in your face) only to be left watching his broad muscular back walk away from you when you look into your hands and notice that he gave you his suit jacket that was untouched by your coffee.

Confused, in disbelief and shock at his sudden kindness you tie it around your waist before grabbing your papers and calling someone to come clean the mess.

This whole fiasco had you exhausted in every way and you haven't even started your piles of paperwork, and you still had to get rid of a traitor by midnight. You silently prayed that the rest of your day would go alright, at the very least.

You shiver upon entering your office and flipping the light switch letting out another more bothered groan at the feeling of piercing coldness that was sticking to your wet clothes. Annoyed, exhausted and with the thought of Sanzu stuck in your head, you make the drastic decision to wear his suit jacket.

Slowly untying it, looking around in shame as if people were watching you bare your soul- and truthfully, a part of you was, you wouldn't wanna be caught dead sitting next to him in quick meetings, let alone wearing something that belonged to him. Inch by inch, very slowly and carefully, treating it like glass, you finally lifted it above your shoulders when the sudden relaxing scent of his gave you whiplash.

You could smell each bit of him on the jacket you're wearing- that distinct fresh woodsy scent with subtle hints of tobacco, mint and pine cone- made the room spin around you. You were already feeling ashamed and disappointed of yourself for wearing his jacket but now you couldn't get enough of his strong scent.

Sheepishly you walk over to your desk and take a seat, getting comfortable in your old brown leather chair. Your fatigue was getting to you as you put your head in your hands, overthinking Sanzu’s decision when you should have been working. Drained by your lack of energy and caffeine, you cross your arms and lay your head on them, quickly dozing off.

You were deep into a few hours of dream land when unbeknownst to you, a pissed off Sanzu and Koko stomped their way to your office.

Sanzu walks ahead of Koko- wanting to insult you before Koko gets there and bitches at him to stop. Sanzu gripped the door knob, ready- almost excited to berate you however the sight of your peaceful slightly drooling face stopped him from yelling insults at you.

Sanzu took in your quiet calm state, one that he had never seen before. To say he was shocked to know that you, of all people, had their good moments was an understatement.

He looked away from your face, only to see his jacket wrapped around your smaller form. Sanzu felt his face flush and heat up for a reason that was unknown to him. “Sanzu?” Koko questions arriving at the door before turning to look at you and then back at him when a ghost of a smile appears on Koko’s face- his mind shifting to a memory of Akane and him for a brief moment till his mind wanders off to forget the pain.

No matter how much he tried to deny it, deep down Sanzu knew that he thought you looked almost pleasant like this. He’s certain that Koko somehow read his mind- and that he now knows that Sanzu thinks you were cute in this state.

“Koko.. lets just go” He whispers, making sure not to wake you. Sanzu’s decision has Koko scrunching his brows, “I thought you hated her- and plus who's gonna do all her paperwork and kill the traitor?” Koko asks, uncaring of his volume, making Sanzu shush him vigorously as if you were a sleeping beast.

“Ill do it, its whatever.” Sanzu whispers as he pushes past Koko to walk back to the door, turning around to gesture his hands in a ‘hurry up!’ motion.

Koko was bewildered by the pink headed man's choice. Sanzu? Out of all the executives in Bonten was certainly the last on the list of people who would help you especially after word got around of this morning's mess. Perplexed, Koko followed Sanzu out and watched amused in a way at Sanzu making sure to close the door carefully and lightly.

“What’s up with you? You? Of all people helping Y/n? Am I dreaming?” Koko poked fun at Sanzu, who only walked away rolling his sleeve cuffs up to his forearms and grabbing , ready to kill the traitor for you.

A/n: GUUUYYYS FEELS GOOD TO BE BACK I AM SO SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING THIS IN FOREVER, PLEASE ACCEPT THESE CRUMBS I LOVE YOU GUYS <33

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leantailean · 4 months

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Ain't no way you're paying victim. You called Zuko a supremacist colonizer when his whole arc was about rejecting the Fire Nation's nationality and colonialism. You defended Aang prioritizing his culture over Katara's trauma. You can't get mad at Zuko for brushing off Aang using his culture to project his self-righteousness and not at Aang for dictating Katara's grief by implying culture is the only right way. In no way was that user being racist.

(Especially because Aang has made fun of cultural Water Tribe food and touched Water Tribe artifacts like they were toys)

YOU started the confrontation with her, then got mad that she rightfully replied (twice). You're butthurt because you were proven wrong. Grow up.

Hello anon, may I draw your attention to the fact that my interaction with the person you obviously mean here was limited to one post in which I disagreed with her opinion and dared to express my point of view, in which I was so polite, that I even apologized for the fact that the post turned out to be long and praised her art (yes, I bought that, mistaking this AI for real watercolours. Only after the last post did I look more closely and noticed all these countless artefacts, sixth fingers and meaningless shadows lying on the wrong sides of the form). I wrote my opinion and forgot about it because, you know, I have a life. But it seems that my post really hurt you and this person much and you felt so insulted and offended that you have not been able to calm down for several months: that person wrote gigantic (but rather meaningless) “responses” a few months later, you all bombarded my mailbox with anonymous hatred, and took ridiculous attempts to slander my art.

And, anon, can I ask: do you even read what you are responding to? I didn't call Zuko a supremacist colonizer; I called him the great-grandson of a colonizer (which is literally who he is in the story). And yes, Zuko's role in history is worse than it could have been for a conventional great-grandson of a supremacist colonizer, because Zuko personally took part in his great-grandfather's war, attacking the Southern Water Tribe, threatening the elderly and children, and using physical force against them

burning down the Kyoshi village and trying to capture the avatar, the world's last hope, even after he began to realize that this was not right (that scene from the book one where he turned away from the fire nation banner).

Just because Zuko repented and self-improved doesn't suddenly erase these facts from his story. I think that remorse and deep pain for his actions will haunt Zuko throughout his life because he truly became a good person, unlike you, who are just ready to pretend that none of this ever happened and are not worth remembering.

Aang is a genocide survivor. His beliefs are hard-won experience. Because he knows what it's like to lose your culture, your people and find the passed away parent (their direct parallel with the Katara). His philosophy of forgiveness is not something he was taught in school, nor is he the affluent 21st century suburban boy as he's so carefully portrayed by you. This is his experience. And he shares this experience with his friend, who is also a genocide survivor. He and Katara share this experience and Aang has every right to tell her his opinion. It is Katara's choice to agree or not, and she makes her choice, but Aang had every right to express his opinion.

And I wonder, anon, what can you say about Sokka? He is just as much a victim in this situation as Katara. Sokka is not a pacifist or an air nomad. Kya was also Sokka's mother. And he is also against Katara committing a murder. This is not the first time I have seen how, while attacking Aang, haters pass by Sokka in deathly silence, and past Zuko who also agreed with Aang in the end.

I will not specifically address your point about Aang being a racist for not liking traditional Katara’s food or for putting a hat on without knowing what kind of hat it was. I don't believe you are stupid enough to actually make such arguments seriously, it must be trolling. It’s clear that you have nothing to complain about Aang at all, because these arguments look desperate.

It's impressive how much the opinion of a stranger on the Internet can hurt you. Are you so offended that someone dared to respond to your baseless accusations against fictional cartoon characters? Or maybe you're so offended by the fact that I can criticize a character and keep liking him (Zuko is literally one of my three favorite characters, along with Toph and Aang). If you look at my blog, you'll get a pretty clear impression of how much I love Zuko and what a giant amount of time and effort I spend on art dedicated to him. Because I see all of Zuko's flaws and still continue to love him—unlike you, who only love the emasculated "ideal" version of him. As very well said here, your treatment of Zuko is very similar to how Ozai treated Azula: "be absolutely perfect, otherwise you're a good for nothing waste of space". This is very noticeable from the posts of the person you are defending here.

So yes, the advice to grow up is very good, but you should turn it on yourself, who, for some reason, writes your complaints anonymously, like a coward, or on those people whom you are defending. This is the Internet, and if you're not ready that not everyone agrees with your opinion and that someone can actually respond to your takes, maybe you should just get offline.

(I see that you want to start a drama, but you are in the wrong place. Any anonymous letters like this one will be deleted.😎)

#aang #kataang #ask

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kkongdakz · 1 year

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“ PUPPY DOG EYES. ” ft. kim gyuvin

gyuvin x gn!reader, genre : fluff, warning : none, wc : 672

« you must be kidding me?! » gyuvin's offended expression made you roll your eyes, as you continued to rub the dishes hard between your hands. your boyfriend had suddenly decided to test some knowledge about your relationship, and despite the fact that so far you've made no mistakes, a certain question gave you a hard time.

« how can you not remember the first time we held hands?! » rinsing the last plate and placing it on the draining rack, you finally swiveled towards him, wiping your hands, « come on gyuvin, it was so long ago, how do you expect me to remember? »

placing his hand against his chest, letting a scream of astonishment escape from his lips, gyuvin turned his back on you and walked into the living room, dropping face-first onto the sofa, « i can't trust you anymore, y/n. »

his fake tears gave you a light laugh, forcing you to move towards him, kneeling beside the sofa, your fingers gently caressing the strands of his hair. despite the fact that you found his reaction adorably ridiculous, the silly smile on your lips betraying your annoyance. « you're such a drama-king.. » you say softly, as he turns his face towards you. his hazel eyes made your heart beat faster, and even if you didn't want to play his childish game, you finish by pressing your index finger against his cheek, « i'm sorry my love, can you forgive me? »

gyuvin straightened up, nodding negatively as he moved away from you and into the bathroom. a sigh left your lips, before you followed in his footsteps, your arms encircling his waist from behind as you watched him through the large mirror in front of you. bringing his toothbrush to his mouth, his eyes finally met yours, a slight smile took place on his mouth — a smirk he hoped you didn't notice. « nope, puppy dog eyes aren’t going to work this time ! » letting a pout appear on your face, gyuvin hurried to remove it by stuffing your toothbrush full of toothpaste into your mouth.

nonchalantly brushing your teeth while trying your best to make him crack, gyuvin didn't even bother to push you away and just ignored you. rising on tiptoe, you placed a toothpaste-filled kiss on his cheek. « yah ! i'm upset, leave me alone ! » rinsing his mouth and cleaning his face before leaving the room for the bedroom, you hurried to do the same before literally throwing yourself on top of him in bed.

« go away ! i'm sulking ! » his voice was torn between amusement and boredom, but the beating of his heart under your fingers betrayed him. « no ! never ! » you replied, pulling yourself up on top of him to hide your face in the hollow of his neck.

despite what he might say, gyuvin pulled the blanket up over both your bodies and wrapped his large arms around your waist. « well, okay.. but just for tonight ! » nodding and placing a kiss on his cheek, you snuggled up to him, your arms clinging to his silhouette.

« you know.. i don't remember when we first held hands, but i remember the first time you made my heart skip a beat. » your voice in an almost whisper drew his attention, despite his mad desire to continue ignoring you. his fingers gently caressed your skin, tracing invisible shapes that looked strangely like little hearts on your hip, « oh, really? when? »

« yes. the first time our eyes met. » — gyuvin thought it was a too easy answer, but in the end, it didn't matter. because your fingers on his skin and your body against his, your hearts beating in unison, was all he needed to be happy. of course, the fact that you'd forgotten such an important date for him, annoyed him, but he couldn't help but hold you in his arms all night long.

« good night, my love. »

·˚ ༘ taglist (fill out this form to be added to the taglist) : @snowflakemoon3 @annoyingbitch83 @kpoprhia @ilovechanhee @beomibeom @neroislost

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scarletgemstone · 1 month

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Tadc skit

(Pomni goes to find Jax he hugs his knees to his chest and faces away from her)

pomni”Jax”

Jax”go away I’m bad and you shouldn’t be around me”

pomni”what? That’s ridiculous look I don’t know what any of this means but I-“

Jax” you don’t cause if you did you wouldn’t be talking to me right now “

(Pomni goes to ragatha)

pomni”ragatha you got to help me”

ragatha “but”

pomni”you have to talk to him”

(Ragatha sits next to Jax)

ragatha “Jax?”

(Jax doesn’t answer)

ragatha”Jax I I had no idea you’ve been upset about this “

Jax”what!?”

(Looks at ragatha)

Jax”you had no idea ha this like my whole existence you wanna pretend that noun of this ever happened you think I’m just a big mistake!”

(Jax cry’s as rathatha looks shock)

ragatha “no no Jax you’re not a mistake you’re just the beproudect of. A big mistake “

(Ragatha realizes what she said)

rathatha”no. That’s not I just never thought of this as you noun of this is your fault you didn’t built this place I…I’m sorry Jax I hope you can forgive me your the one good thing that came out of this mess I always thought you were proud of that”

(She offers her hand but Jax hugs her)

(Pomni smiles)

#crossover #the amazing digital circus #tadc #tadc jax #tadc angst #skit #hurt/comfort #tadc ragatha #tadc pomni #steven universe reference #steven universe #Tadc Jax angst

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jainiss · 9 months

Text

hello!

bringing reactions of buggy, shanks, ace, law and mihawk, from one piece, when someone flirts with yn (who they have a crush on).

Hope you guys like it ~~

Ps: forgive me if there are english mistakes. English is not my native language.

Ps2: these are guesses at what I think it would be. all fictional.

Buggy had always been a bit of a ladies' man. But there was one person who had captured his heart – you. Whenever someone dared to flirt with you, Buggy's reactions were nothing short of comical.

One sunny day on the Grand Line, as your crew rested on a beautiful island, a suave pirate from a neighboring crew approached you. He flashed a charming smile and said, "Hey there, gorgeous. Care to join me for a drink?"

You smiled politely, but before you could respond, Buggy, in his flamboyant attire, appeared out of nowhere, surrounded by his loyal followers. His eyes widened dramatically, and he exclaimed, "Ah, my sweet y/n! How could you even consider such a lowly suitor when you have the honor of my presence?"

He struck a ridiculous pose, puffing out his chest, which was adorned with an assortment of flashy accessories. His crew roared with laughter as they watched their captain's over-the-top antics.

The suave pirate was taken aback, unsure of how to react. You stifled a giggle, trying to defuse the situation. "Buggy, you're being quite dramatic."

But Buggy was on a roll. He produced a bouquet of oversized, glittering flowers from thin air and presented them to you with a flourish. "My dear y/n, these flowers can't compare to your beauty, but they are a token of my undying affection!"

As your crewmates joined in the laughter, the suave pirate, now thoroughly embarrassed, retreated in defeat. Buggy beamed triumphantly, thinking he had successfully defended your honor.

You couldn't help but shake your head in amusement. Buggy might be a clown, but he was your clown, and his antics always left you with a smile.

---

Shanks couldn't help but feel a twinge of jealousy as he watched someone flirt with you. He had always been a laid-back and easygoing pirate, but when it came to you, his heart raced like never before.

As the flirtatious exchange continued, Shanks couldn't ignore the knot in his stomach. He took a sip of his sake, his eyes locked on you and the person talking to you. His crewmates, including Benn Beckman and Lucky Roux, noticed his unusual demeanor and exchanged knowing glances.

Benn leaned in and whispered, "Captain, you look like you've seen a Sea King. What's bothering you?"

Shanks clenched his fist around his sake cup. "It's nothing, just some guy flirting with someone I care about," he muttered, trying to sound nonchalant.

But his crewmates knew better. Lucky Roux chuckled and patted Shanks on the back. "Captain, it's about time you did something about it."

Shanks' brows furrowed as he pondered Roux's words. He knew he couldn't let this opportunity slip away. With newfound determination, he put down his sake cup and walked over to where you were standing, the flirtatious conversation still in progress.

Clearing his throat, Shanks interjected, his voice oozing confidence, "Sorry to interrupt, but I couldn't help but overhear this interesting conversation. Mind if I join in?"

The person flirting with you looked taken aback, but you smiled at Shanks, your heart skipping a beat. "Of course, Shanks! We'd love to have you."

Shanks' bold move not only surprised his crewmates but also left a lasting impression on you. The flirtatious interloper, realizing they were outmatched, excused themselves, leaving you and Shanks alone.

As the night went on, Shanks and you continued to talk, laugh, and share stories. The crewmates watched, nodding in approval. Shanks had finally taken the first step in pursuing his feelings for you, and it was clear that his boldness had paid off.

---

Ace watched from the sidelines as you laughed and chatted with a fellow pirate at the bustling tavern on an island they'd docked at. He couldn't help but feel a twinge of jealousy as he saw the stranger lean in closer, their words laced with playful charm.

"Hey, beautiful," the rival pirate said with a smirk, reaching out to brush a strand of your hair away from your face. "You must be the most striking person I've met in weeks."

Your smile remained polite, but Ace could see the tension in your eyes as you subtly edged away. Unbeknownst to you, flames began to flicker at the edges of Ace's fingers, a telltale sign of his growing irritation.

Before things could escalate, Ace couldn't contain himself any longer. He strode over, his demeanor cool but with a fiery glint in his eyes. "Is there a problem here?" he asked, his voice carrying the weight of a warning.

The stranger turned to face Ace, not realizing the dangerous territory they'd just ventured into. "No problem at all," they replied, their confidence unwavering. "Just getting to know your lovely friend here."

Ace's jaw clenched, his flames dancing dangerously on his skin. He glanced at you hoping for a cue, and you gave him a subtle nod, indicating that you'd appreciate his intervention.

With a half-smile, Ace leaned in closer, the fire in his eyes intensifying. "Well," he said, his voice low and dangerous, "you should know that she's off-limits. Best move along before things get heated."

The rival pirate gulped, suddenly realizing the gravity of the situation. They stammered an apology and quickly retreated, leaving you and Ace alone.

You turned to Ace, a grateful smile on your face. "Thanks, Ace. You always know how to handle things."

Ace, still seething with jealousy but relieved that you were safe, managed a small smile in return. "No problem. I've got your back."

As the tension in the tavern dissipated, Ace and you returned to your conversation, both of you secretly reveling in the protective fire that burned within Ace's heart.

---

Trafalgar Law's usual stoic demeanor was momentarily disrupted as he watched someone flirt with you. His sharp, calculating eyes narrowed as he observed the interaction, a mix of jealousy and concern bubbling beneath his calm exterior.

As the flirtatious banter continued, Law's grip on his sword's hilt tightened, his knuckles turning white. He couldn't help but feel a surge of protectiveness wash over him, as if he needed to shield you from any potential harm, even if it was just harmless flirting.

Finally, unable to contain his emotions any longer, Law stepped forward, his voice laced with a rare hint of irritation. "Is there a reason you find it necessary to bother them?" His tone was cool and controlled, but there was an undeniable edge to it that sent a clear message to the interloper.

The person flirting with you blinked in surprise, taken aback by Law's sudden intervention. You glanced at Law, noticing the intensity in his eyes, and couldn't help but feel a flutter of hope in your chest.

Law's protective reaction hadn't gone unnoticed, and it left you wondering whether there was more to his feelings than met the eye.

---

The sun was setting over the calm waters of the Grand Line as the Straw Hat Pirates docked at a remote island. You, Mihawk's former subordinate, had decided to join Luffy and his crew for a short adventure.

As the Straw Hat Pirates explored the island, they encountered a group of local villagers who were throwing a festive celebration. Among the villagers, a charming young man named Leo had taken a particular interest in you, the object of Mihawk's affections.

Mihawk watched from a distance as Leo engaged you in lively conversation, his charming smile captivating everyone around him. Mihawk's grip on his sword tightened, his jealousy boiling beneath his stoic exterior.

You, oblivious to Mihawk's feelings, laughed at Leo's jokes and engaged in friendly banter. Mihawk couldn't help but scowl as Leo leaned in closer to you, your faces inches apart. The jealousy within him surged.

Just as Mihawk was about to storm over and intervene, you excused yourself from Leo's company, claiming fatigue from your journey. Mihawk's heart skipped a beat as you made your way back to the ship, leaving Leo behind.

Mihawk followed you discreetly, his heart pounding in his chest. When he finally caught up with you on the ship, he couldn't contain his emotions any longer. "Y/n," he said in a low, almost possessive tone.

You turned to see Mihawk standing there, his normally composed demeanor shattered by jealousy. "Mihawk, is something wrong?" You asked, puzzled by the intensity in his eyes.

Mihawk took a step closer, his gaze locked onto yours. "I couldn't stand watching that Leo flirt with you," he admitted, his voice husky with emotion. "I... I have feelings for you, and it's driving me mad to see you with someone else."

Your eyes widened in surprise, your own feelings for Mihawk suddenly becoming clear. "Mihawk, I... I didn't know you felt that way," you confessed, your cheeks flushing with a mixture of surprise and joy.

Mihawk, his jealousy dissipating, took your hand in his. "I should have told you sooner," he murmured, his thumb caressing your hand gently. "But now that you know, would you consider being with me instead?"

You smiled warmly at Mihawk, your heart filled with happiness. "Of course, Mihawk. I feel the same way."

And as the sun set on the Grand Line, two hearts found solace in each other's company, your love stronger than any hint of jealousy that had once plagued Mihawk's heart.

Byebye~

#one piece buggy #buggy the clown #buggy #one piece shanks #shanks #one piece ace #portgas d ace #ace #trafalgar one piece #one piece trafalgar law #trafalgar law #law #one piece mihawk #dracule mihawk #mihawk #reactions one piece #op #one piece

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sunshinevanfleet · 1 year

Text

oh, what a sin [iii]

iii. betrayals

pairing: danny x reader, sam x reader

a/n: ummmm ok this shit is an emotional rollercoaster. if u are sensitive like me i recommend lots of tissues ok i'm rlly good at making myself cry. i feel so bad for sammy lol. and it's all my fault!!! anyways, i am sorry this took so long i have been busy with work lately so it's taking me some time. also this is completely unedited so forgive me if there are any typos/mistakes. i hope you all enjoy. love ya <3

genre: angst!!! not full out smut but a lil bit.

word count: 4k

summary: the reader and danny have a heated moment. she admits their betrayal to sam.

warnings: angst, infidelity, sexual situations, swearing, etc.

A quiet breeze whispered through the open bathroom window as you relaxed in the bathtub; your feet hung over the edge, cooled by the late-afternoon air as you floated in the soapy water. Something about it was cathartic, your hair sprawled in tendrils around your face as you all but submerged yourself in the water. The sensory deprivation was exactly what you needed at a time like this, the water dulling all noise and your closed eyes blocking out most of the light spilling in through the open window. All that was left was the feeling of cool air caressing your skin, feather light. You were allowing yourself a few minutes to think about absolutely nothing.

Home alone again, you had quickly busied yourself earlier in the day with all of the household chores. You washed Sam’s ever-growing mass of laundry piled beside the hamper, took Rosie for an afternoon walk, polished the silverware, and when you couldn’t imagine another thing to possibly do, you dusted the entire house. Lately, you did everything you could just to distract yourself from the worsening situation of your love life. Tension seemed to bloom in your relationship. Sam was his usual sugar sweet self, but… it felt all wrong. Although you had done nothing wrong, your emotions were traitorous. You felt like a liar, a cheater. You felt tainted by the very situation fate dragged you into all those years ago.

Hooking your fingers over the side of the tub, you emerged from your little empty paradise. You leaned over the edge, resting your chin on your arms as you met the curious gaze of Rosie curled up in a patch of golden sunlight. She blinked at you, her tail wagging lazily as she waited for you to acknowledge her. The corners of your mouth curled into a lethargic smile. There was a dull plinking as a few drops of water trickled off of your arm and hit the gilded foot of the tub. Your eyes followed the drops, tracing their trail down the metal to the tiny pool of water gathering on the tile. Watching the drops, you suddenly felt so small, so insignificant. In the grand scheme of things, what were you but a drop of water gathering in the greater pool of life? It made you feel a little better. Made your situation feel less cumbersome.

You breathed a deep sigh, closing your eyes and resting your forehead against your forearms. “What am I supposed to do, Rosie girl?” you asked, voice echoing through the big empty bathroom.

It was quiet, save for the rhythmic thumping of her tail on the tile floor. You laughed softly at the ridiculousness of it all. What kind of advice were you seeking in the curious gaze of a dog? You shifted, planning on dunking yourself in the now-cold water once more before getting out, but a thump from down the hall disturbed you.

Rosie jumped to her feet, paws padding over to the closed door of the bathroom, blocking you both from the noise.

“Think dad’s home early?” you pondered, forcing your stiff muscles to lift you out of the tub. Your gaze skirted over the shower, mind briefly flashing back to the last time you’d been in there with Sam, wrapped in his embrace without a care in the world. You wished with everything in you that you could go back to that moment in time. Before you were driving yourself crazy with a million questions and possibilities.

Rosie whined as she waited for you to wrap a towel around yourself. Water trickled down your bare legs and left footprints on the floor behind you as you left the bathroom. A yawn left your lips as you languidly slipped down the hallway. There were a couple more thumps from Sam’s study, the door opened a sliver. As you approached, the sound of shuffling papers and movement became more apparent.

“Sammy, you’re home early,” you said, prodding the study door open with one toe as you peeked into the room. Your heart dropped into your stomach. It wasn’t Sam at all.

“What are you doing here?” you said, voice accusatory as you glared at the familiar face. It was Danny, looking disheveled as he dug through the mess on Sam’s desk. He glanced up at you, scoffing.

“Sam sent me,” he said, his voice cold. “Forgot his notebook.” He suddenly found what he was looking for, holding up the leather book. His large hands dwarfed the book, and you swallowed hard. Your mind painted a very good image of his hands dwarfing other things, things that you shouldn’t be thinking whilst standing before your boyfriend’s best friend in nothing but a towel.

A frown played on your lips as you wrenched your gaze away from him. “Why’d he send you?”

“He thought you’d be happy to see me,” said Danny, his tone dripping with sarcasm.

You huffed. This new version of him was not very likable; always angry, his tone and words constantly edged with venom since your encounter back in the guest room at the twins’ house. He was angry with you, but what did he expect you to do when he came in there to interrogate you? He took it as a personal offense that you somehow, miraculously had fallen in love with Sam, as if you had known all the while that they were friends and that you had done it on purpose.

“Aren’t you ever going to forgive me?” you asked indignantly. You tried to steady your shaking hands by gripping the towel tighter around yourself, trying to shield yourself from his sharp eyes.

“For what, Y/N?” He looked at you, his features expectant.

“For falling in love with him!”

For a second, he looked taken aback, blinking at you as if you had sprouted a second head. Anyone looking in on the two of you might think you were in some kind of peculiar staring competition, the both of you watching each other expectantly. You shifted uncomfortably under his gaze, your half-clothed state suddenly very apparent to you. On your shoulder, there was still the ghost of the bite mark Sammy left on you the week before. You watched Danny’s eyes trail over the mark after a moment, and saw his jaw tighten. His expression flashed dark with emotion, but he masked it quickly.

“How am I supposed to?” His words were barely audible, coming from between clenched teeth. Though the tension wasn’t visible in his face, his knuckles were ashen from holding the notebook so tightly. His posture stiffened.

“I didn’t do anything wrong,” you said, trying to sound stronger than you felt.

He nodded, finally breaking the intense eye contact. “I know that, don’t you think I know that?” He sighed heavily, clearly frustrated with you. You swallowed. What were you supposed to do, read his mind?

One of your hands twisted in the fabric of the towel. You tightened it around your fingers so hard that it hurt, anything to distract you from the feeling that your ribs were compressing your lungs. Closer and closer. Harder and harder to breathe.

“It’s the whole problem… How can I hate my best friend for having everything I want?” His anger and frustration finally began to color his tone. He wouldn’t look at you, but you could see his features pulled into an awful grimace. You hated seeing him like this. The compression in your chest grew worse by the second.

You didn’t speak. You had no clue what to say.

“How—how am I supposed to sit there and watch you two? See the way he makes you laugh, see him kissing you like it’s the easiest thing in the world?” He met your eyes again, and you saw the pain behind his dark gaze. Even through the jealousy, through the anger, there was the cloudy tinge of heartbreak lurking in his irises. He dropped the notebook on the desk, crossing the room to close the space between you. It took everything in you not to flinch back, afraid of what would happen if your skin dared touch.

His voice dropped to an almost imperceptible volume, one finger lifted to trace the crescent shaped bruise stained on your skin. “How am I supposed to see this, and act like I don’t care?”

You took a shaky breath. His touch sent tingles over your skin, sent goosebumps erupting all over your body. He was so close, you could feel the heat radiating off of him, permeating the space air between you. Everything about him was so familiar, those thoughtful eyes, the curls framing his chiseled face, the shape of his mouth. Even his scent was driving you insane, almost intoxicating you. The very air around you seemed to vibrate from the magnetism between you. Every fiber of your being was screaming at you to lean into him, touch him, kiss him. Squeezing your hands into tight fists, you shook your head.

“You want this as badly as I do, and we both know it…”

The finger tracing the bite mark on your shoulder trailed down, lower and lower… His touch left a burning trail in its wake, your body igniting as he approached the towel clutched between your trembling fingers.

“Danny–”

“You want me to stop?” His voice was a dark whisper, emotions tearing through his silken tone. You felt his hand trembling, too.

“Danny, I–”

“Tell me to stop,” you tasted his breath as it fanned over your lips. He was so close, so awfully, deliciously close to you. There was a second of hesitation, and then his lips were on you. One of his hands gripped you around the waist, bunching the towel up in a vice-like grip. His other hand threaded into the damp tresses of your hair, twisting the strands around his fingers.

You sighed with something like relief, the tension hanging in the air finally melting away and leaving you breathless. Your head spun, a thousand thoughts screaming nothing other than his name over and over again. Your brain wanted you to pull away, but your heart was pushing you closer to him, slotting your bodies together as if you were made for one another.

One of your hands grasped his arm to steady you, and your nails dug into the skin. He winced slightly, but you took no notice as he pushed you back against the door frame. The wood bit into the skin of your back, stinging. You grunted into his mouth, struggling against his grasp.

“Y/N, if you want me to stop–”

“Don’t fucking stop,” you muttered, intoxicated by his touch. You gripped the fabric of his t-shirt as if it were the only thing tethering you to the ground, trying to drag him closer. “Want this off,” you mumbled against his mouth.

He broke the kiss long enough to remove his shirt, before pressing himself back into you. His tongue pushed into your mouth carefully, slowly exploring, taking his time. You wrapped both hands around him, feeling the flex of his back muscles as he kept you pinned between him and the wall. You arched against him, hooking one leg up around his waist and rolling your hips against him. The drag of his jeans against your bare center sent a jolt of pleasure up your spine.

He was still kissing you, slowly as you grew more desperate for him. You needed him, now, before you had enough time to think about what you were doing. Before the guilt had time to settle in and make you stop. You had to know if it was the same as all those years before. If he was still the one to drive you mad.

As if reading your mind, his large hands found purchase on your thighs, pulling them up to wrap around your waist. He carried you easily to the couch against the far wall, letting you fall gently onto the leather. The towel shielding your body from view peeled open, exposing your bare flesh to him. His eyes dragged over your figure, drinking you in like a man stranded in the desert. His gaze flashed dark with lust, and his tongue darted out to wet his lips.

He dragged a finger over the curve of your cheek, over your swollen lips, down your clavicle, ghosted over one hardened nipple. He looked at you as if you were an art piece, your form masterfully sculpted and put on display for only him to see. He was memorizing every curve, every dip and hollow in your form. The look of tenderness in his eyes surprised you; the fear had been there all along that this was more than just lust, that the two of you shared more than just a physical connection. You had fooled yourself into thinking you only wanted him corporeally, when you knew he had you wrapped around his finger, body and soul.

There was the sudden feeling again that you were going to be sick, but his scorching touch distracted you from that quickly. His lips found purchase on your neck, placing sloppy kisses on the skin. You squirmed beneath him, heat having bloomed between your legs and quickly spreading up your spine. There was no way you could continue this at his pace; at this rate, he was going to be touching and teasing your body for hours.

“Danny, hurry,” you muttered, nearly breathless as one of his hands slipped between your legs. A gasp broke from your lips, your back arching off of the couch as he touched you as if he had practiced for this very moment for years. You melted under his touch, one hand lazily hooked around the back of his neck as he took care of you.

“Wanna take my time,” he said, words muffled against your skin.

“You–you can’t… What if S–”

“Sam…” He cut you off, his entire body stiffening as he pulled away from you. He leaned back on his haunches, wiping your arousal on the fabric of his jeans as he ran the other hand through his disheveled hair. “Fuck, Y/N, what are we doing?”

You gulped, abruptly aware of the situation you were currently in. The buzz from Danny’s touch had withered away immediately at the sound of Sam’s name. Shame bloomed over your features, and your face burned red hot as you struggled to cover yourself with the towel.

“I don’t know,” you said, voice high-pitched and nearly hysterical as the tears began to flow. He was right. What were the two of you doing? You curled into yourself, eyeing him carefully as he retrieved his shirt from the floor. You had just jeopardized all the good in your life for one encounter with Danny. Oh, how the past was coming back to haunt you.

“What do we do?” He asked you, sighing heavily.

You refused to look at him, staring at the bookshelves beside you. The tears burned your skin, flowing hot and landing heavily in your lap. You shook your head, your voice shaking as you replied, “I–I want you to go…”

His voice was hurt, but understanding. “You always do.”

Then, he was gone. You sulked off to bed after crying your eyes out. You hoped to fall asleep and wake up from this absolute nightmare.

The following weeks weren’t much better. With the guys all home from the tour, you were spending more and more time trying to avoid Danny. He seemed to gravitate towards your house, spending hours lounging around with Sam. You hid away in the bedroom, or the study when you weren’t at work, listening to them brainstorm ideas for the next album, or laughing over their dumb inside jokes. It was unbearable. You wondered how Danny could keep his composure in the house; something was mind blowing about how he was able to mask his emotions, putting on a perfectly happy facade as if he weren’t eyeballing you behind Sam’s back.

Contrarily, you were doing an awful job of hiding your internal conflict.

“Maybe you should talk to someone, sweets,” Sam said one night, after a particularly grueling night having dinner with a few friends, including Danny. You shook all night long, stuck in Sam’s side like a thorn that was just out of reach. He hadn’t uttered a single word of complaint, holding your hand tightly as if he were your anchor. He made sure you ate, even just a few bites, included you in conversations, and didn’t get annoyed at all when you asked if you could wait for him in the car.

Now, the two of you were finally home, curled up on the couch. You were half-dressed, his shirt and his shoes discarded by the door, while you wore only your slouchy denim shirt that you threw on for dinner. You curled your toes under his leg, warming them as you wrapped your arms around your legs and rested your chin on your knees. He watched you with a warm expression, too much tenderness saved for the likes of you.

“I don’t wanna talk to anyone,” you muttered, half hearted.

He looked at you with those puppy dog eyes, all soft and sweet. A slight frown played on his lips. “Not even me?” He raised an eyebrow.

You sighed heavily, turning your head so your cheek rested on your knee instead. You felt very suddenly like bursting into tears, but you held back. “Of course I want to talk to you, but…” A sharp breath fell from your lips, and you closed your eyes. You couldn’t bear to look at him.

“But what?” There it was again, that soft and gentle tone that you adored so much. That voice that made you feel like anything you ever did wrong would be forgiven. That tone, full of nothing but complete and unconditional love. You were hating yourself even more by the second.

“I’m scared… I’m scared it’s going to hurt you. I’m scared it’s going to hurt you, and you won’t love me anymore.”

He shifted, wrapping his arms around your curled up frame. You felt his lips press against your temple, warm and comforting. Then, his voice was quiet, “There is very little you could do to make me stop loving you, Y/N.”

A single tear slipped down your cheek, but he was already there, brushing it away. Your stomach fluttered at the touch; you reached up and grasped his hand, pulling it to your heart and cradling it there as if it were the only thing holding you together.

“What happened, sweets? Tell me so I can make it better, please,” his voice was pleading. “I hate seeing you like this… I want my girl back, my smiling girl…”

A weak sob wracked your frame, but his presence was grounding you. He was everything you needed. You were about to destroy that.

“Sam, I–” you choked on your own tears, trying so hard not to break down in front of him. “I don’t even know how to say this– I– I know it’s going to tear you apart…”

You forced your eyes open, meeting the worry in his gaze. You made yourself look at him; you deserved this, after what you had done to him. You should have to face the consequences of your actions.

“Y/N, please,” his voice was pleading, almost desperate.

“I–I kissed Danny,” you blurted, voice shaking so much that you could barely understand the words coming out of your mouth. “We had sex, years ago, before you and I met and– and I’ve had dreams about him for years, and I just… Well, I saw him at the party and it ignited all of these old feelings… Then he came over the other day to get your notebook and—” Your rambling was quickly drowned out by the sound of your own sobbing, your body shaking uncontrollably. You felt him pull away, saw the light in his eyes fade as you admitted to him your wrongdoing.

The look on his face was unlike anything you’d seen before; those tender eyes turned contemptuous, hurt staining them black.

“Tell me you didn’t sleep with him.”

You shook your head, practically hyperventilating. “No, no, not again…” Your voice was high, hysterical. “No, we–we stopped, before…”

“But you were going to.”

“Yes, I mean–No… I don’t know!” You buried your face in his shoulder, clawing at him, wanting him to just wrap his arms around you and hold you together before you fell to pieces. But his hands stayed limp at his sides, his breathing shallow.

“Sammy, I’m begging you to forgive me,” you sobbed. Your tears were rolling down his bare chest, soaking his skin. He was still silent. You cried against him for a moment, then pulled away to look at him.

You were torturing yourself; seeing that look on his face was tearing you apart. His eyes brimmed with tears, and he shook his head slowly. He still hadn’t budged from his seated position, and he refused to meet your gaze.

“Sam–”

“You understand that you’re the person I love the most in the world, don’t you?” He cut you off, finally looking at you. His tears began to fall, and his voice shook. You reached up with a shaking hand to brush the moisture off of his face.

“Yes–yes, I do,” you nodded desperately. You were all but sitting on his lap now, doing anything to be close to him. Your world was falling apart before your eyes; you never imagined you would see your Sammy like this, so distant and hurt. A black feeling settled in your stomach, making you sick.

“Then–” his voice cracked “--how could you do this to me?”

You crumbled beneath the look that he gave you. His eyes were red-rimmed, pouring tears, his nostrils flaring as he struggled to breathe. His jaw was clenched to the point that it looked painful. You reached for him, wanting to touch him, to soothe him, and he flinched away. A pang shot through your entire body at that. You felt as if you were being swallowed into a dark abyss. You would never know happiness again, not after this.

“Baby, please,” you breathed, your voice thick with tears. “You–you said nothing would ever make you stop loving me… Please, tell me it’s still true…” You were begging him, desperate for any inkling of reassurance.

He shook his head, swallowing hard. “How can you ask me that right now?” He huffed, wiping his tears with the palms of his hands. “I love you so much I can’t fucking stand it, Y/N… I’m not gonna lie to try and hurt you, even if you’re tearing me to pieces right now… I could never do that to you.” He said it with so much sincerity, so much love still in his tone that it made you speechless. You pressed a hand over your face, silently sobbing harder. You felt like you would never catch your breath, your chest tightening as you squeezed your eyes shut. You didn’t deserve him, you had never deserved him, and you were realizing that more by the second.

The two of you sat there, for what felt like hours. Turmoil bloomed in Sam’s face. You wanted to know what was going on in his head, but didn’t think you would be able to handle knowing. You didn’t dare reach for him again, afraid you would have to watch him wince away again. You couldn’t bear the thought of it.

“Do you want me to leave?” you asked after a while, your voice hoarse from crying.

He shook his head, barely looking at you.

“No, sweets. Just go to bed.” He nodded in the direction of the hallway. Your throat tightened at the sound of the pet name. You knew you wouldn’t get a wink of sleep, not without him beside you, but you did as he said. You would do anything he asked, if it meant he might forgive your transgressions.

taglist: @dannythedog @demolitionndann @malany-gvf @poeta-nascitur @myleftsock @spark-my-nature

#sam x reader #danny x reader #sam kiszka x reader #danny wagner x reader #sam kiszka imagine #danny wagner imagine #greta van fleet fic #greta van fleet imagine #greta van fleet x reader #greta van fleet #greta van fleet angst #gvf imagine #gvf fic #gvf x reader #my writing

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fluffomatic · 10 months

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I honestly don't even know how to start this, or even if I should. I know that this community has had its issues, controversies, etc. At this point? It's getting ridiculous. I'm disgusted by the actions of the fucking ADULTS in this community. This is supposed to be a safe space. For everyone regardless of age, race, sexuality, gender expression, religion, etc. The fact that you've used that to hurt people is revolting. I've gotten more information about what's going on by a friend, and honestly, everyone who is associated with the current thing going on except the minor or minors who were harmed. should be ashamed. If there is anything to take out of what has happened, it is this. Don't put any creator up on a pedestal. We're all human. We make mistakes, sometimes really bad ones. Myself included. Just be aware of the people you support and follow. If they exhibit bad behavior, call it out. I hope that all of you will hold me accountable for any harm I might have or may cause. I think the best thing about being human is that we all have the ability to learn and change. I wish everyone was involved the best, and I hope this situation teaches you a lesson. And to the people harmed, it doesn't matter if these creators do change and learn and grow, if they apologize up and down, if they do everything in their power to make it right, you don't owe them your forgiveness, you have every right to be mad. You're valid no matter what you choose.

I may take some time away from tumblr. Probably not for very long, but the air here is definitely toxic at the moment. My messages will still be open for my friends, of course. Just give everyone time to heal from what happened. To the adults in the community, we have an obligation to make this place safe. Not just for each other, for everyone. We all need to do better.

#serious #it pains me to have to make this #i felt obligated to at least say something.#I may lose followers but I dont care #i have so many followers here that are minors so i feel especially responsible for their safety #to the young ones out there #please be mindful of who you message #i would recommend not sending dms to adults #if youd like to message them i recommend just sending asks #either anonymously or not. if any blog messages you check their bio or their posts for their age #be mindful #unfortunately some of the responsibility does lie on you #i care about all of you but keep in mind #you dont know me. and you dont know any creator on here. youll never know someones intentions.#im begging you all #be safe

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jaimeslanisters · 1 year

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the pawn in every lover's game (part five)

Aemond Targaryen x Lannister!Reader

When you're ten, your father sends you to King's Landing to befriend a princess and woo a prince. A lioness growing up amongst dragons is a dangerous thing indeed.

crossposted on ao3 masterlist word count: 6k notes: slightly tipsy while posting this so forgive any mistakes! hope you enjoy!

The library is blessedly quiet as you enter. With the official welcoming feast for the wedding set to begin in a few hours, the Lannister apartments that typically only housed you and your uncle had been transformed into a verifiable disaster zone. Your cousins were scrambling about to get dressed and ready, blurs of shining golds and deep reds, with their servants scuttling behind them. Your father had long since slipped out and even your Uncle Tyland had vanished, eager to escape the mess. After your third time crashing right into a harried handmaid, you had followed their example and had left the apartments with haste, wishing that your extended family could all just disappear so the Red Keep apartments that had become your home could once again become the tranquil space you were used to. The halls are hardly any different with servants and noblemen alike buzzing about and, desperate for peace and quiet, you had headed directly for the library.

When you first enter, only the usual maester is seated by the entrance. He doesn’t look up when you come in, keeping his head bowed as he scribbles away, and you silently move past him, heading to the table in the back that you and Aemond share. As you head deeper into the library, you realize with a flush of embarrassment that your gown, an opulent golden dress covered in hundreds of mini jewels that cinches at your waist and flares out from there, is too big to fit through the narrow rows of books that hide your childhood meeting spot and that you’ll have to turn sideways and pull it up at the sides to squeeze through. For the first time in your life, you pray to the gods that Aemond is not there to see how ridiculous you look as you shimmy through the aisles, cursing under your breath as you take care to not catch the jewels on your dress on any of the books.

Predictably, however, the gods do not take your side and, when you tumble out of the aisle, nearly falling, Aemond is there to watch you with barely repressed laughter.

As usual, he’s surrounded by books and scrolls, some of which you know must come from the Lord Hand’s desk as he usually helps his grandfather with some of the day-to-day tasks. He’s dressed for the occasion with his black tunic encrusted with shining emeralds that form dragon heads on his chest, some of his hair braided back rather than simply pulled back as he usually did.

You don’t pause to admire how handsome he looks, however, instead frowning at him. “I would love to see you, Prince Aemond, attempt to navigate small aisles in a gown like the one I’m wearing right now. Perhaps you wouldn’t be laughing then.”

He shakes his head, biting back a smile. “I don’t think you would enjoy that, my lady. I’m afraid I wouldn’t look nearly as captivating as you do in that dress.”

“I’m glad you thought I looked lovely as I played the fool for you,” you shoot back even as your cheeks blaze at the compliment. You slide into your usual seat, crossing your arms. “Perhaps you can demand the aisles be made larger to accommodate women’s fashions so I don’t look quite so ridiculous the next time.”

“I can’t see most women wearing gowns fit for a royal wedding feast to the library but I’ll be sure to bring it up with the Lord Hand next chance I get,” he says as he turns back to his work, the corner of his mouth quirking up slightly.

You roll your eyes, reaching for one of his papers to skim. “More’s the pity,” you reply as your eyes scan over the carefully written out summary of proposed tax increases for the lords of the Crownlands. “I heard from the Queen that Princess Rhaenys is here. You might wish to discuss these increases with her to ensure that the other lords don’t complain. The Crown rules the region but many of them tend to fall behind House Velaryon.”

“I doubt she’d want to speak to me. I don’t think Princess Rhaenys likes me much,” he responds, not looking up from his work. “Something to do with a dragon and a funeral.”

“The fact that she came to this wedding means she doesn’t want to depend on Princess Rhaenyra to support her own house,” you shoot back and he looks up at you. “Lord Corlys is at war in the Step Stones. That could easily serve as an excuse to not attend. As it is, however, she’s left Driftmark in control of her good-brother and come here with other members of the house and Baela Targaryen. Even if she does think you dishonored Laena Targaryen by claiming Vhagar, she must hate the Princess and Prince Daemon for what they may have done to Ser Laenor.”

He snorts, shaking his head. “Even if they didn’t have him killed, they dishonored him by marrying mere days after his death. It wasn’t the appropriate amount of time after Lady Laena’s death as well.”

“Their mistake is our gain,” you respond, smiling when he nods. “Princess Rhaenyra may not realize it but she is no longer the Realm’s Delight. They scorn her and, by choosing Daemon Targaryen as her consort, has maligned most of her allies, most crucially the Velaryons.”

“Lord Corlys has always been firm in his backing of Luke as heir,” Aemond hums. “Princess Rhaenys, however… I remember the funeral of both her children well. If Meleys had been near her at the time, I can only imagine the destruction she would have rained down.”

You glance back down at the summary in your hands. “Discuss it with Lord Otto. Princess Rhaenys would be instrumental going forward. The Queen has a tea arranged for Helaena and the other ladies of the court tomorrow. I can… speak with Lady Baela then, see if I can find out more about the state of House Velaryon.”

He quirks an eyebrow up at you. “From what I can recall from the few times I’ve met Lady Baela, she’s half feral. She resembles more of my uncle than she does a true lady.”

Your smile widens. “If she’s anything like your uncle, then she must resent the insults her stepmother and father have levied against her mother. Perhaps… she’s even resentful of the fact that the seat that is rightfully her’s will go to little Lord Strong instead.”

He laughs then, quietly, and you beam. “I’ll speak with Grandfather then. See if you’ll be able to manage your part. Take care that you don’t poke and prod at her anger and cause her to explode.”

“Hotheaded people tend to reveal more than they ever realize,” you reply, shrugging. “Either she will warm to me or she won’t. Either way, I imagine she’ll let something slip. I’m not frightened of dragons - I’m afraid I’ve spent too much time in their company to fear them.”

He leans back in his chair, looking you over. His uncovered eye gleams with mirth. “If you’re not frightened of dragons, my lady, why have you never accompanied me on Vhagar? I offered once.”

You shake your head immediately. “You offered two months after you first claimed her! I was only twelve!”

“You’re a woman grown now,” Aemond replies quickly, his voice low. “Would you ride her now?”

You meet his eyes and suddenly the silence of the library feels heavy, wrapping around you and holding you in place. His lips are curled at the corners and his eye is watching you carefully, burning you as if he was physically trailing his hands over you. The mad desire to reach over and grab his face and pull him close nearly takes over and you let out a shaky breath, trying to find control.

“Perhaps,” you say, moving as close to him as you dare. The heat of his body scalds you through the thick lining of your gown; somehow, you want more and more. “If you promise to make sure I land back on the ground after.”

“Vhagar respects nerve and cunning,” he responds, reaching over to pull the tax summary out of your grip. His hands brush your’s and you suck in a breath, praying that he didn’t notice. He smirks and you know you’ve failed. “You have that in shades, my lady. She wouldn’t harm you.”

You tap your fingers on the desk, looking down for a moment before you glance back up to meet his eyes. “Helaena once told me something of same. She said that Dreamfyre would never hurt me since Dreamfyre would never harm anyone she cares about.”

Aemond watches you and, for a moment, you think you’ve overstepped, but then he smiles at you, soft and gentle as if it’s only saved for you. “Helaena has always been wise where it counts.”

He turns back to his work and you reach for another sheet from his pile, if only to stop yourself from reaching for him.

——————————–

The hallway outside of the throne room is crowded with people and you fight to the urge to pick at your neckline or your sleeves, knowing that it was only the nervous energy affecting you. Your family was next to be called and, behind you, your cousins anxiously whisper with one another, your great uncles speaking to each other in low tones. As members of the main line, you, your uncle, and your father stand at the front. Your eyes scan the little you can of the throne room past the throng of people. What you can see is beautiful - large banners are strung up on the walls and beautiful flowers adorn the long feast tables.

Your eyes meet Lord Commander Harrold Westerling and he spares a smile for you, one you easily return. Johanna Lannister was his niece and, as her daughter, he was always kind to you even if he rarely crossed your path as he was usually assigned to the king. Finally, he looks over at your father and, after a nod, Jason begins to step forward.

“House Lannister, with their lord, Jason Lannister. Lord Paramount of the West and Master of Casterly Rock.” Ser Harrold’s voice rings loud and clear in the throne room though you can’t imagine much can hear him over the buzz of conversation. As one, your house all move as one, following behind Jason as he walks confidently down to the royal table in the shadow of the Iron Throne. Around you, some lords that notice bow their heads in greeting but the majority talk amongst themselves, ignoring your family’s entrance.

It rankles.

Lannisters used to be revered, you think, eying your father’s back as he continues forward. But now the Rock has five daughters and a babe for an heir. They think us weak and vulnerable.

You hold your head high, keeping your eyes locked on the royal table as you approach. A marriage to a dragon would help House Lannister reclaim its former glory but it would take more than that to ensure the realm remembered that the Lions of the Rock were still meant to be feared.

“Your grace, Lord Hand,” Jason greets, bowing low as he stops in front of the royal family. The rest of the Lannisters all follow behind and when you look back up, Aemond meets your eyes.

He nods his head in greeting and you nod back, eyes flitting over to his sister at his side. She looks pale, paler than usual, and in her hands, she grips a napkin, the fabric nearly tearing in her hands. She doesn’t notice you, her head bowed over her lap as if she’s in prayer. Next to her, the Queen Alicent speaks with your father, her eyes shifting over occasionally to check on her daughter.

The King is, predictably, absent. Otto Hightower sits in his place and you send a quick prayer to the Seven that Viserys coughs out a lung in his chambers while the welcoming feast takes place. It was the very least he deserved.

With a quick glance at Tyland, who nods his consent, you step away from your family and walk up the steps to stand in front of Helaena and Aemond, curtseying again when you slow to a stop.

“Your highnesses,” you murmur, eying Helaena with care. She doesn’t look as if she hears you, too preoccupied with shredding the napkin with her bare hands but you push forward. “I wanted to personally wish you, my princess, peace and prosperity in your upcoming marriage. I also wanted to vow that I would remain loyal at your side throughout it all.”

“Claws of gold, claws of green,” Helaena murmurs. “Shadows in the walls.”

You glance over at Aemond but he looks just as confused as you, carefully watching his sister for any sign that he needs to take her away from the feast for her comfort.

You move closer. “Helaena,” you whisper, glancing over your shoulder just in time to see House Tarbeck be announced. “I will not be able to accompany you during the feast but once the dancing starts, I’ll come up to help you if you need,”

She looks up suddenly, her eyes flashing. “A lioness will burn blood to protect her pride,” she insists, almost begging, and you stare back, helpless.

I’ll help you. I won’t let even Aegon hurt you if it’s in my power to stop it.

“I’ll be with her,” Aemond says to you quietly and you look at him with gratitude. “If you see me take her out, meet us in the hall outside the small council chamber. It should be quiet and empty there.”

You nod, wanting to say more, but your father calls your name and you’re forced to retreat with your family. Luckily, thanks to Tyland’s position as Master of Ships and your own closeness with the royal family, you aren’t seated far. On your side of the throne room, only the Hightowers are closer than you and, on the other side of the room, the Velaryon family sits, directly next to the royal table on Aegon and Daeron’s end.

You watch them carefully. Rhaenyra had unceremoniously rejected the wedding invitation, citing her pregnancy as a reason to stay on Dragonstone. It was an insult, a grievous one, to not even send her bastard sons or husband as an envoy. The cracks in House Targaryen grew ever wider and more obvious and, not for the first time in your life, you wonder why Viserys had named her heir if she wasn’t willing to dine with her own family to at least pretend there was peace amongst them. She needed allies - desperately. Viserys had yet to formally adjust succession laws and you had heard whispers everywhere you went about the King violating the laws that had allowed for his own ascension to the throne over Princess Rhaenys. Rhaenyra remained stubborn and blind in her pride, preferring to slight her half-brothers and sister rather than attempt to consolidate power to her claim.

Princess Rhaenys, however, seemed to be perfectly content with ignoring her good-daughter’s lead. Her house all sits around her, looking perfectly in place, as they talk cheerfully and calmly amongst themselves. At her side, however, Baela Targaryen sits, her head held high and her discomfort clear on her face.

You had heard that Baela had been separated from her twin and father, and shipped off to be fostered at Driftmark. You had also heard that it was Rhaenyra’s poor apology for marrying Daemon before her six months of mourning were up after Ser Laenor’s mysterious death, a grievous affront to House Velaryon. There were even rumors aplenty that the two had had Laenor killed to clear the way for their union, something that you knew had broken down the once firm alliance between the houses.

It was no small wonder that the Velaryons hadn’t snatched back Rhaena as well.

You feel a twing of pity for Baela before you remember that she had helped the Strong boys attack Aemond, that she had been the first to strike him, and you almost curl your lip in contempt. It’d be terribly funny, you think, for her to have helped Lucerys Velaryon take Aemond’s eye only to have him take something of even greater value from her - her own birthright, Driftmark.

Still, you had given Aemond your word. Baela Targaryen would have her comeuppance if you had anything to do with it but first, you needed to secure her and her grandmother to the side of the Hightowers.

Reaching for your goblet of wine, you take the tiniest of sips to settle yourself before turning back to your family. Jason has already charmed the Hightower ladies, all of them taken in by his easy grin and suave words. Across from him, Tyland is deep in a conversation with Lord Ormund Hightower, heads bowed towards each other as they talk about ships and lumber. You try to follow along with their conversation as best you can, eager to soak in more about your uncle’s position, but then the last house finishes greeting the royal family and all are seated.

A hush falls across the room as Otto Hightower rises to his feet, tall and striking in front of the Iron Throne. There’s little of his grandchildren in his features, save perhaps, his steely countenance. “In the King’s absence, he has asked me to speak for him and express his sincerest apologies for not being here in order to celebrate the union of Prince Aegon and Princess Helaena.”

Hidden safely in the crowd, you make a face at such a clear lie. Even if the King were in perfect health, you somehow doubt he would be willing to attend a celebration celebrating any child of his that wasn’t Rhaenyra. Aemond catches your eye and he smirks at the more than obvious look of scorn on your face.

“The crown would like to thank all of you and welcome you to the beginning of a weeklong celebration for the King’s eldest son and his youngest daughter. Together, they will serve the realm by cherishing the customs and laws of not only Old Valyria but of the Seven Kingdoms. May their example serve as a shining light for us all.” He claps his hands and servants pour out of the side doors, carrying trays and trays of endless food as the singers burst into song.

The room applauds his speech, cheering either his words or the beginning of the feast you don’t know, and you think about how it was not mere luck that had enabled Otto Hightower to climb to the most powerful seat in all of Westeros - maybe even including the Iron Throne. The King’s absence had given him the opportunity to throw the entire weight of the throne behind Aegon and Helaena and, by saying they were cherishing all of the customs of Westeros, had reminded nearly all the noble families of Westeros that, by rights, Aegon was the rightful heir and, in order to continue to uphold the laws they had vowed to protect, they needed to support his ascension.

It was a masterful move, you think, as a servant lays a plate in front of you. It was subtle enough that his true intentions could be denied but firm enough to cement his and his house’s stance on the matter. You glance up at the royal table and see Aegon, nearly as pale and withdrawn as his sister, firmly push away his plate in favor for reaching for another goblet. On the other side, Helaena, coaxed by her mother, has begun eating.

You can’t look for too long when one of your cousins calls your name and pulls you into a conversation about the most eligible bachelors in the Red Keep. More and more of your cousins join in and soon, you feel vaguely like a lecturing maester except your focus was the social climate of the royal court rather than medicine or astronomy. Your cousins all titter and giggle, eyes scanning the massive room to find the men that you were mentioning. They gossip and scheme and, when the plates are taken away and the center of the room made clear for dancing, they all prepare themselves to go search for potential husbands.

Before they can do that, however, a hush falls over the room as Aegon and Helaena rise from their places at the royal table and make their way toward the center. They both look impossibly pale, ethereal in the glow of the torches with their shining silver hair and glowing lilac eyes, and your cousins whisper about what a striking couple they make.

You clench your fists under the table.

The court musicians begin to play a song and the melancholic cry of a flute rises above it all to sing its melody. Aegon and Helaena face each other once they reach the center of the room and, after only a moment’s hesitation, they reach for each other and begin to dance.

It reminds you uncomfortably of when you were all children, before the betrothal between the two siblings had been announced, and Aegon and Aemond would join you and Helaena as dancing partners in your lessons. You remember how back then, during his good moods when he wasn’t distant and standoffish, Aegon would spin Helaena around the room, moving faster than you had ever seen him move in the training yard, and her shrieking laugh would echo in the room.

There is no laughter now. The two only stare at each other blankly, their faces cleared of emotion, as they move through the motions of the dance with no passion, no eagerness. The facade fools at least your cousins and they swoon about the two’s beauty. You want to hiss at them to shut up, to realize that this marriage was a mistake for all the good it would do to support their family, but instead, you bite your tongue, watching them dance resolutely.

Finally, the song ends and Aegon and Helaena stand together for one beat longer, long enough for it not to seem as if they were desperate to pull away from one another, before they separate. The room erupts into applause and, after a moment, you follow suit, clapping your hands. The dance floor is officially opened for the rest of the court and your cousins immediately disperse, seeking out the men they had narrowed in on earlier.

You nod your head at your father and uncle before heading after Helaena who has already retreated to the relative safety of the royal table. The rush of nobles to the dance floor crowd your way and you want to push and shove to get through quickly and only a lifetime of etiquette lessons keeps you from doing so. You just manage to escape the throng when an all too familiar figure steps in your way.

“My lady,” Victor Florent greets, bowing his head, and you fight the urge to roll your eye, instead smiling politely as you curtsey back. Since his arrival at court two years back, Victor Florent had become somewhat infatuated with you. At first, it had been flattering - you were young and he was five years older, somewhat handsome though the traditionally plain features of House Florent held him back. But then you had realized he was almost frighteningly dull. He seemed to think that you desired nothing more in the world than to find a good nobleman to father your children and to sit by a warm fireplace, stitching garments for your children until you were too old to move your fingers. The worst part was that he didn’t even mean it as an insult though, you took it as one to be sure.

He truly believed that you wanted that since he wanted that. He was the fourth son of Lord Erren Florent and his eldest brother’s wife had already given the Florents an heir and a spare. He would not rise higher than his station unless he fought to do so and he so clearly did not wish that. Because he thought that he, as a fourth son, was accepting of his lot in life, he could not ever consider that you, a third daughter, would ever want anything more.

He tended to trap you in conversations when he could and talk up his admittedly impressive achievements in tourneys and the sizable amount of gold he had squirreled away to support his future wife and any children she may have him. The fact that he meant to impress you, a Lannister who routinely wore jewelry that would cost him more than his savings could bear, with his funds was laughable. If you could have gotten away with it, you would have told him so.

As it stood, Uncle Tyland had made it clear to you that you weren’t meant to reject all the men who came to you straight out of hand, not even Victor. Men always desire that which other men crave and Prince Aemond, for all his talents and skills, is just a man at the end of the day, he told you and you had begrudgingly seen the logic in his reasoning. Aemond, however, did not seem to notice the rather strange popularity you had gained amongst the men of the court, never bringing it up to you. Plenty of other men have approached you though they always stopped rather quickly even if you were perfectly polite and cordial. A few had gone to your uncle to request more directly and he had always denied them, treating it as a fun game to find how he could insult them openly to their faces without them catching on. Victor Florent remained your only stubborn suitor.

“If I am permitted to say, my lady, you look like a vision tonight,” Victor says, eyes bright and cheeks rosy.

You stop yourself from replying ‘No, you are not permitted to say’, and instead you lower your eyes coquettishly to the ground. “Thank you, my lord. Now, if you would pardon me, I believe I promised Princess Helaena that I would find her once the dancing began.”

You move to side step him but Victor is that much faster, blocking your path. “Oh but wait, please. I was just about to ask you if you would do me the honor of being my first dance.”

He’s persistent, I’ll give him that you think and you apologetically shake your head. “I’m sorry, Ser, but I must attend to the princess and I do not know how long she may need me for. I would hardly wish to be holding you back from any of the other ladies in the court.” You look over and spot one of your cousins, standing against the wall as she speaks cheerfully to a girl you recognize from House Marbrand. “My cousin, the Lady Jocasta, is just over there. I’m sure she would be so ever pleased to dance with such as a talented knight such as yourself.”

His cheeks explode with red and it would be charming if he wasn’t blocking your way. “I will do so, my lady, if you ask, but really, I must ask that you save a dance for me at one of the other feasts?”

You smile tightly. “Of course, Ser Victor. I promise I will make every attempt to do so.”

Victor’s face brightens at that. “I saw that your father has come to the capitol as well. Perhaps we can arrange a tea or luncheon soon?”

You nearly roll your eyes. His intentions were clear - your uncle had denied him but perhaps your father would not. You could see his exact logic. Tyland only took care of you and was openly fond of you as his ward and niece. He would value your hand more than perhaps your father, responsible for four other dowries, would. “My father is a busy man, my lord,” you respond, a tad more chilly than you had intended but Victor does not seem to notice, still too star-struck by you. “I fear his schedule would be too busy for such a… meeting of small consequence. He is Warden of the West and I do not wish to take up his important time. Now, if you’ll excuse me.”

This time, he allows you to walk away, hastily bidding you farewell, and you shoot up a prayer to the Seven that your father will not make any poor decisions if Victor chooses to approach him now when he was in his cups. Jason would never fail so miserably and give your hand away like that but, if Victor was somewhat intelligent about it, you fear that your father would agree to a meeting and that sounded like a miserable affair.

Quickly enough, you reach the royal table and nod in greeting at Aemond and Helaena as you quickly claim Queen Alicent’s chair that she has abandoned in order to walk around the room and socialize, sitting on the other side of Helaena.

Helaena sends you a shaky smile, still clearly out of her element. She seems moments away from bolting from the throne room and you don’t blame her. “Is Ser Victor still bothering you?”

You sigh, even as Aemond lets out a too-sharp laugh. “I managed to escape more quickly this time though perhaps not quick enough. He seems determined to get a meeting with my father before this week is out.”

“Would Lord Lannister be inclined to give him one?” Aemond asks, fingers tapping on the table.

You finally roll your eyes. “Perhaps if he catches him at the right moment. He’s a lovestruck fool if he thinks that my father or my mother would consent to such a match. I may be the third daughter of five but I’m still a Lannister. He offers me nothing but comfort he says.”

Aemond smirks. “You never did like the stories about giving up nobility for the arms of your lover.”

“Some of them make for pretty songs, my prince,” you say, looking back out at the crowded dance floor. You can’t make out Victor or Tyland but you can see Jason laughing in a corner, talking with Lord Tyrell. “But in reality, lords and ladies have duties to fulfill and their houses to honor. Lann the Clever did not win the Rock for me to disgrace it by throwing away all it has given me to live with a household knight. I was born and I live to serve and better my house and the Westerlands.”

Helaena nods, eyes shining. “Lions will soar high above the rest.”

You smile wryly. “Besides, if I marry poorly, Jeyne and Joy will not stand a chance in the marriage market. If for nothing else, I will seek a better match to better their odds.”

“We all have our duties,” Aemond agrees. “We all have our roles to fulfill. Shame that so many are comforted by what is easy.”

“Indeed,” you reply. “I’ll find a match, one that is worthy of my house and suits me.”

Aemond hums. “And what sort of marriage would suit you?”

You look over at him but his blazing eyes are already on you. Your breath catches and it’s only Helaena between the two of you that keeps you steady. “I will not suffer a fool or a craven as a husband,” you finally say, voice firm. “I will only marry a man whose ferocity matches the lions that live within the walls of Casterly Rock.”

A slow smile spreads on Aemond’s face. “I can’t imagine you submitting to any other.”

“Who said anything about submitting, my prince?” You fire back and he laughs in earnest. Even Helaena breaks out in giggles, shooting you a playfully scolding glance.

You watch them, grinning and your chest glowing warmly. A rush of emotion fills you and you almost want to burst out about how much you care for the both of them, in drastically different ways but both equally as deep. You’d do whatever it takes to keep them both safe and the intensity of your devotion would frighten you if it hadn’t been a fact that you had always known deep down since Driftmark.

More than customs and laws, more than any true desire to see Aegon on the throne, you want to give them the throne because it is what they deserve. Helaena was born to be a loving and gentle queen, a mother to all of the Seven Kingdoms. The world didn’t deserve it but it needed to see her as you saw her - the sweetest and kindest girl to ever live. Aemond was made to be a protector of the realms. If Aegon was king, he would be Hand and, just as Otto to Viserys, he would be the true power on the throne. Your children by him could inherit the real power, not a throne that you had realized meant less and less. You would make it so. Together, House Lannister and House Targaryen could create a power and forge a legacy that the kingdoms had not seen since Aegon the Conquerer.

You want to tell them both this. You want to tell them you’ll gift them both Westeros and the Seven Kingdoms because that, more than dowries and marriages and gold, is the greatest gift a Lannister could ever hope to give them but you don’t.

Instead, you smile at the both of them, wishing you could find the words to say it all to them.

“I think I will retire soon,” Helaena says softly, once her laughter has subsided. “It’s too… loud.”

You nod, already rising to your feet. “I can inform your mother.”

Aemond shakes his head, already out of his chair. “I can do that. It would hardly do for Ser Victor to accost you again, would it?”

A laugh escapes you. “Thank you, my prince, I would avoid that if I can. Take care that he doesn’t try to trap you in conversation about me as he has to my uncle several times before. I imagine he pestered my poor cousin Jocasta for details on me.”

His eyes brighten with that, suddenly eager. “I hope he does. I have plenty to tell him.”

“Please don’t maim someone at my wedding,” Helaena cuts in, frowning. “We are not Dothraki. A marriage is not blessed if someone dies during the festivities.”

“No, sister, I don’t imagine it is. I assume it’s quite the opposite,” Aemond teases, his face softening as he looks at her annoyed face. “I would not curse you like that.”

“You might curse Prince Aegon like that,” you retort and he shakes his head, giving you one final small smile before he descends from the royal table and joins the mesh of people. It’s easy enough to track him - he stands taller than most of the crowd and his silver hair is a beacon, even amongst the colorful attire of the court. You watch him for a few more moments but turn back to Helaena.

She’s smiling at you, mischievous and you wonder if it’s too late to take back your earlier mental praise of your character. “It seems that your wedding will go much more cheerfully than mine.”

You shake your head. “Is that another one of your strange predictions?” You ask, feeling a flash of anxiety at being laid bare in front of her like that. She had never hinted that she had noticed the relationship between you and her brother and your desire to nurture it to flourish into more.

Helaena’s smile only grows. “I don’t need that to see the truth.” She turns away to you to walk away and, as she does and you follow, she looks over her shoulder at you, eyes bright and glazed over. “Lions will ride dragons someday.”

You try your best not to trip.

#aemond x you #aemond x reader #aemond targaryen x reader #we're in it now lads #victor listens to midnight rain btw and cries himself to sleep

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