#and admitted it to me

[its-monster-mash]

Okay it’s late and I had a very emotional time in the shower so now I’m thinking about personal trauma regarding my mom and I’m thinking about Bo Sinclair and HIS mom and I am a MESS and I think it’s really fascinating from a psychological standpoint so maybe I shouldn’t rant about it on the internet, but I’m going to anyway so BAM. Under the cut for those morbidly curious.

POST WRITING WARNING: That got super incoherent. I am tired and posting anyway. Feel free to pick apart my brain. I am at peace with it. Picking apart my brain is a thing my best friend and I do for sport now tbh.

So long story short, my mom was neglectful at best, and frequently abusive when I was growing up. Like, I ate dog food to stave off hunger pains neglectful and scream at me red faced and nostrils flaring so hard for wetting the bed when I was three that my dad strangled her and that’s why they got a divorce abusive, like, lock me outside until I “Figure it out” when there was a solid BLOCK of ice around the duck enclosure and I broke the shovel trying to chip it away abusive, insist my (former)stepdad is only PLAYING when he beats me and I’m “taking it too far” when I fight back neglectful. (She was on a medication that has since been recalled for causing episodes of violent psychosis and memory loss; she had no idea she was doing any of that—we are on peaceful terms NOW and I no longer blame her; but obviously that doesn’t mean it didn’t effect me VERY badly, I just consider the “mom” from my childhood and my Mom today as two different people)

Anyway, when I was eighteen years old, my mom admitted to me that she never loved me. She told me about how she thought she loved me when I was born, because she didn’t know any better, but that she loved me “the way you love someone else’s baby; like any baby you can just give back” but that she always kind of resented ME for us not having that closeness a mother and daughter “should have”. She said that she didn’t realize until my brother was born(I was nine at the time) what it was supposed to feel like to love your own child. She told me it broke her heart, because she realized she’d spent nine years Not Loving Me and felt like by then it was too late to try to get help and that our relationship was just doomed because she couldn’t love me. (Our relationship only actually improved when my son was born; but the love my mom and I have for each other is definitely Chosen love, more like friends than mother and daughter—though she is a wonderful Grandma)

But like, with that out of the way, Bo Sinclair absolutely breaks my heart because I am INTIMATELY familiar with how it feels to grow up with a mother who does not love you, and who is not impressed with anything you do no matter how hard you try. ESPECIALLY with the “Why can’t you be more like your brother” line in the movie. Like, I 100% know how it feels to grow up watching your sibling be loved while you’re just the burden. (Only, I’m so much older than MY brother, that in our situation I was basically acting as his parent because our mom and his dad were absolutely in no way cut out for the job; so as you can imagine that was…painful).

But like, Bo CLEARLY is still obsessed with trying to prove to his mother even after she’s dead that he’s worthy of her love, and it breaks me because I know from experience how hard it is to accept that you don’t NEED your mother’s love. Being unloved as a child doesn’t mean you can’t ever be loved or that there’s just something about you that people can’t love.

Like GOD Bo is a fucking trash man and literally everything is wrong with him but he did not deserve the childhood that was inflicted upon him.

TLDR: I am normal about Bo Sinclair I am normal about Bo Sinclair I am so fucking NORMAL about Bo Sinclair and also my childhood sucked.

#mypost #oof #yeah this is about how my mother didn’t love me lol #and admitted it to me #because that’s fun #that was eight years ago now

[cowardlycowboys]

girl who needs to ask for reassurance would rather be stabbed than admit they have needs

GIRL GENDER FUNNY‼️ POST MADE BY MOST FEMININE HE/THEY SHUT UP‼️

#omg kiera no one cares #admitting u have needs and stuff is so embarrassing like I'm literally an adult grow up #like I'd rather go crazy then ask if you still like being around me and love me #unfortunately that's unhealthy and i gotta work on that but until thats complete i will think about being gutted like fish instead

[inkskinned]

because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail'' #ah tumblr... #writeblr #warm up #idk . having trouble writing rn #ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum #i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for #i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" ..... #no.... not really..... #idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography #like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days #furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing... #this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey. #idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me. #i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will #actually ever happen #ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum

[inquissien]

A kitten at heart

#this took me much longer then I would like to admit #but I think it turned out very nice :) #fanart #baldur's gate 3 #baldurs gate 3 #bg3 #gale of waterdeep #gale dekarios #tara the tressym #painting

[kirain]

As someone who suffers from chronic pain, I really identify with Gale. That's something a lot of people seem to gloss over. He's in PAIN but they don't care. Or maybe they don't even notice. I tried to explain that to my friend but she told me he's just being dramatic and annoying...

Show this to your friend.

Gale's pain is glaringly difficult for him to handle. I'd also make the same argument for Karlach and Shadowheart. All three of them clearly suffer from chronic pain. Just because we don't see it 24/7, that doesn't mean it isn't there.

#bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #gale of waterdeep #gale dekarios #karlach #this took me longer than I care to admit lol #shadowheart

[etoilesdeglace]

One day. One day when he's ready. When he knows who he is, and where he belongs. And fate has revealed to him his true path. On that day, I'll be right by his side.

#no cause surrendering is literally the ONLY thing that could save Percy's life and it's so against the gods pride to admit defeat #bue he does because HE LOVES HIS SON!!!! HE IS PROUD OF HIS SON!!!! #poseidon loves percy and sally so much it makes me so emotional #pjo #percy jackson #pjo tv show #pjo spoilers #percy jackson spoilers #percy jackson and the olympians #pjoedit #pjogif #percyjacksonedit #percyjacksongif #pjosource #tvedit #*mine #*my gifs #*my pjo #poseidon

[saltycryptid]

bro is NOT listening to Gale's dissertation on the mechanics of the underdark tunnel system

#Baldur's Gate 3 #Gale #Astarion #BloodWeave #Fanart #I would like to offer a sincere thank you to everyone involved in the process of me seeing Gale in this incredible fit on my tiktok fyp #I am captivated (by his double Ds) and I'm not afraid to admit it #you have born witness to a willing victim to propaganda #another in my ongoing saga of manic sketches yw <3 #Roach's Choice

[willgrahamscock]

5 Seconds after the Strike is over:

#alex says things #this took me too long if i can admit #good omens #michael sheen #goodomensedit #goedit #good omemes #ineffable husbands #wga strike #aziracrow #sag strike

[rirupadg]

#into the spider verse #across the spiderverse #spiderverse #spiderverse 2 #pavitr prabhakar #spiderman #pavitr prabhakar is the only one that matters #I LOVE HIM #this isn’t a spoiler he was in the teaser #my favorite part of the movie is when he [REDACTED] and it went [REDACTED]!!!!! so [REDACTED] had to [REDACTED] the [REDACTED] from [REDAC— #this took me longer than i'd like to admit #atsv #atsvedit #atsv pavitr #atsv fanart

[potassiumprincess]

i think marinette is worse at resting when she's sick but adrien is worse at sitting things out if he's injured. i have no explanation, these are just the vibes

#ml #marinette dupain cheng #adrien agreste #okay i lied i do have justifications #adrien probably just. would love being taken care of if he's sick #it's maybe something his mom used to do but not ENOUGH #and marinette would absolutely spoil him #but marinette is all I AM FINE IT IS JUST A COLD I AM FINE meanwhile she nearly falls off a rooftop in a dizzy spell #but adrien hate being kept away from ppl he loves. hates not being able to protect them. and an injury is more long-term and isolating #meanwhile...idk marinette feels to me like an injurt would leave her more defeated. she'd feel like she failed somehow #like she is SUPPOSED to be ladybug she is SUPPOSED to keep herself together to keep the city safe #so i think that would take a lot of her energy she'd be frustrated about it yes but also sort of...admit defeat #adrien would find ways to cheer her up though 🥺

[glowsticcc]

there is an upsettingly small amount of pissa outfit swap content and i won’t stand for it any longer

#qsmp #art #digital art #pissa #pissa nation #qsmp philza #qsmp missa #philza minecraft #missasinfonia #first time posting my maskless missa design woag #i like the contrast between him being either really cartoony and silly #or just drop-dead (lmao) gorgeous #anyhow the discord went crazy over this #which i’m happy about bc this took me longer than i would care to admit

[irregularjohnnywiggins]

You ever have those moments where an idea just... won't leave your head?

#dcu #batman #bruce wayne #green arrow #oliver queen #fake tweets #things I was not able to adequately convey in the format: #obviously Bruce's reasoning is really a lot closer to Ollie's but Bruce has a secret identity to maintain and Ollie... well #I don't know if you can make it out but his twitter profile pic is him in the Green Arrow costume and that's not accidental #also I am pretty sure that Bruce does just have the first airing date of The Price is Right saved in a corner of his mind palace #just in case it's ever relevant to a case #and he's angry at Ollie because Ollie knows that and also knows Bruce can't admit it because it would raise too many questions #also I did consider an extra scene where they tag-team harass Lex #but it just didn't sound right to me #also I put a whole load of Green Arrow references in here #Q-Core N_Singh and H_Fyff are all from the Nu52 Green Arrow runs #albeit Naomi and Henry are at least in the good Nu52 runs #obviously this is post-Snowbirds Don't Fly/Hard Travelling Heroes in general so Oliver is trolling Hal and setting up needle exchanges #and even Hal explaining to Ollie what Twilight is is a reference to one of the most dated things about the Arrow pilot: #the extremely tacky Twilight joke #anyway hope you enjoyed!

[cnl0400]

Character references for the undateables

I love all the little details!!

Sharing these because knowledge should be #free and #available to #everyone

#obey me #obey me nightbringer #obey me thirteen #obey me raphael #obey me mephistopheles #I admit that I didn't notice that raphael was wearing a crown thing 🥲🥲 I feel like a fake fan #love Thirteen Skirt-Short... soo cool #also the tattoo reference... so cool I love her tattooo #I have shaky hands... sorry... aah 🥲🥲 #anyways I was going to upload these yesterday but I have been busy lately 🥲🥲 #i have the unedited photos if anyone wants them idk... or anything else from the artbooks. you can ask #I have all pf them and they never provided a sneak peak so you could made your mind... a shame tbh #also a shame they didn't translate the notes... smiling mephi is his honest reaction to seeing his younger brother :'')) #post0400

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Bonus 8: How met your mother (CSSR design by @qourmet!)

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #cangse sanren #wei changze #jiang fengmian #It was important to me that WCZ had the hereditary mole. I will die on this hill. #I have been *waiting* for the day to finally arrive when I could finally make this comic. It's been marinating for months. #My mission is to redraw all of qour's character designs one day. They are just *that* good. #CSSR has the vibes of a wandering menace who shows up in towns like a stray cat arriving at a new doorstep for treats. 10/10. #While YZY strongly leads us to believe that JFM was in love with CSSR and that's his whole motivation behind taking wwx in- #-I do think this is (once again) rumour being presented as reality. It's the juicer story to tell after all. #It is still possible that he did love her! But I think that story undercuts the relationship he also had with WCZ. #Yall ever think about how JC and WWX parallel their fathers? How Wei Changze also left the Jiang Leader's side? I do. #Unlike JC though It is far more hilarious and plausible to imagine JFM begging to be CSSR and WCZ's third. You know he would. #My wild headcanon is that JFM and YZY are in a mlm and wlw arranged marriage situation. Deeply unhappy as partners. Better as friends. #they care for each other and I'll admit that there is a beautiful tragedy in them having romantic feelings for each other the whole time. #But I am also here for the gaffs. Let them be unfulfilled homosexuals together. #Meanwhile cssr and wcz are having incredible hetrosexual sex in a bisexual way that WILL leave him pregnant by the end of it.

[gublersg1rl]

the way the writers season 1 tried to make us believe spencer was some “i’ve never even touched a woman, im so virgin and nerdy heehehe” and then made him do that pool scene. ur honor that man is NOT a virgin, did u SEE the way he was kissing her. that is a kiss of a man with skill, he was practically eating her face.

#ME NEXT ME NEXT #sub spencer disliker but i will admit he was virgincore #spencer reid #criminal minds #speaking my truth #mgg #matthew gray gubler #spencer reid headcanon

[haljathefangirlcat]

Vaggie + giving Charlie the softest looks

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel spoilers #chaggie #charlie x vaggie #charlie morningstar #charlie magne #charlie hazbin hotel #hazbin charlie #vaggie #vaggie hazbin hotel #hazbin vaggie #okay i'll admit it: i wanted this to be about the more subtle 'i love her so damn much' looks but those big shiny tears won me over #my gif #my edit