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softyoongiionly · 4 years

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NSFW A-Z List (Mama Mia! Jungkook)

***This contains smut, 18+ only please***

“Aqua told me you all had some questions for me so, I had my assistant fax me the prompt and, I’m really hoping she didn’t read it because, these are filthy ha. I hope you all enjoy yourselves.”

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex):

“It kind of depends on the situation but, if I just had sex, I’m in a good mood. If Y/N and I are in the bed, I make sure I change the sheets and, I make sure she’s cleaned up and, feeling good too. Sometimes we like to talk about it. A bit of pillow talk is always great. PILLOWW TALK! Do you guys remember that song by that one dude in one direction? Great song. It’s like he left one direction and, immediately needed to say the word fuck and sing about sex.”

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s):

“This is a weird question. I like my abs? I guess? I mean I spent like a million hours in the gym trying to tone up and stuff so, it’s definitely the only thing that stands out.”

“Y/N is the by far the most beautiful woman on the planet so, it’s a little hard to pin point one specific part of her I like the most. If I had to choose, I would say her eyes. Sometimes she looks at me and, I suddenly forget all three languages I speak. She takes my breath away. Literally, who is she looking at like that? Me? Does she value my life at all? Is she trying to kill me? Probably. I love her :-)”

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person):

“Cum...I don’t really know what I’m supposed to talk about in this section so, I’m just gonna say- yes?? Is that the right answer?”

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs):

“One time, when Y/N was away on business, I jerked off so much in one day, I sprained my hand. I guess that isn’t dirty but, it is embarrassing. I’d probably do it again though, I’m so spoiled that I forgot what’s its like to go without sex.”

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?):

“Yikes this question is a little hard for me to answer. Before meeting Y/N, I had a lot of different partners. After finding out my half-brother tried to steal my recipe, I got really down on myself. I felt really empty and, I spent a lot of time partying and, hooking up with random people. I don’t really know how many if I’m being honest. It was a lot though. After awhile I kind of snapped out of it and, realized I needed to deal with my issues head on so, after a bit of therapy, I was doing a lot better. Sexually, I’ve had a lot of experience but, intimacy? That’s a lot newer for me. And let me tell you my dudes, nothing is sexier than being with someone who truly loves and cares for you. I don’t make the rules.”

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual):

“Missionary. Listen, I know it’s a boring answer but, I’m a sucker for passion what can I say? I like watching her face and, seeing all the little expressions she makes, especially right when I first push inside of her. Also, it’s the best position for her to scratch up my back and, I really love when she does that.”

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc):

“I don’t really find a lot of things to laugh about during sex but, I’m sure it’s happened at some point. Sex is kind of a serious thing for me now but, I wouldn’t stay serious if something funny happened because, sometimes funny things do happen. When they do, we laugh but, then I’m right back in the moment again. Y/N and I mess around a lot in our daily lives so, I like to use sex as a way to show her how serious I am about her and, our relationship.”

H = Hair (How well-groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.):

“I got laser hair removal like 3 years ago. Yes, it’s possible to get it done in sensitive areas but, it’s crazy expensive. Or so I’ve heard, I’m not gonna lie to you, my idea of expensive and, other people’s idea of expensive are probably a little different. But yeah, I got it all lasered off so, it doesn’t really grow there anymore. I keep my face shaved too but, my arms and legs are free to grow all the hair they want.”

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…):

“With Y/N, I’m a little bit of a hopeless romantic, I can’t lie. I love all of that cheesy shit. Rose petals on the bed? Yes. Wine and chocolate on the shores of our private beach? At least twice a week. Leaving Y/N little post it notes all over our villa that contain all the things I love about her? Duh. I AM A SAP. I AM A MESS. I can’t help myself. My father collects first edition classic novels and, for Valentine’s Day, I had him send me the contact of his distributor so, I could buy Y/N the first edition of The Princess Bride. It’s one of her favorites. It was only $1,400 so, I definitely got a good deal. I also had a custom gown imported from France and, a prince-like outfit made for me. What do princes even wear? What is that called? Tights? I don’t know but, I looked like a goddamn Disney prince by the time I was done getting ready. I rented a different villa out for the weekend and, my interior designer decorated it like a medieval castle. We spent the weekend playing prince and princess and, it was probably one of the best weekends of my life. So to answer your question: Yes, I am romantic.”

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon):

“I only really touch myself when Y/N is away. Her and I have a pretty consistent sex life so, we have sex almost every day, sometimes multiple times a day. I don’t really have a need for it anymore and, it doesn’t feel nearly as good as sex with Y/N.”

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks):

“I have a few. I’m really sensitive to smells so, if Y/N smells good, I can’t keep my hands off of her. She has this one perfume from Gucci that I love so much. I can get hard just from the smell; it’s kind of pathetic honestly. I love having sex outside too. It’s a good thing we have a private strip of the beach because, if we had neighbors nearby, they would hate us ha. I have a cashmere picnic blanket that we take down there a few times a week and, we always end up making love on it. Yes, I said making love. Get over it. Oh and, if Y/N says anything about my muscles or how strong I am? Instant turn on. I think I have a praise kink? Is that what it’s called? I love Y/N’s panties too. Lace, silk, cotton, clean or dirty; I don’t discriminate, just put them in my mouth. Lol, this is getting dirty…sorry Aqua.”

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do):

“I already kind of answered this but, sex on the beach or sex on our balcony are probably my top two.”

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going):

“I feel like I answered this one too because, I just talked about my kinks but, I would say my motivation is to get my girl off right? I get off easily. I have a beautiful woman all over me, saying dirty things in my ear… I mean, my orgasm is guaranteed. Y/N doesn’t take a long time to cum anymore because; I know how to please my woman but, I still want her to feel good. I want to see her let go and, let someone else take care of her for a change. She works so hard. I want to show her what a good woman she is. I want to show her how much I love her.”

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs):

“Threesomes, anal and, I’m pretty sure this is everyone’s answer but, bodily fluids belong in the toilet.”

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc):

“Yes.”

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? Etc.):

“Both. Sometimes I want to draw it out and, let her feel every inch of me but, sometimes I want to fuck so hard we are both sore the next day. It’s all amazing either way.”

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.):

“I love quickies. They are great in the afternoon when she and I have things to do but, we still want each other. They would get old after a while though so, we usually do both. It’s very rare that we just have a quickie and, nothing else but, sometimes it happens. Ever since we moved to Greece, we try to always make time for each other but, we both get busy from time to time.”

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.):

“I’m game to experiment a little bit but, Y/N and I have been together awhile. We’ve tried a few different things but, sex with her is so amazing, I don’t feel the need to experiment that much anymore.”

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…):

“I can last forever if I need to. Like I said, my orgasm is an easy thing to obtain with a woman like Y/N so, my focus is making sure she’s feeling it too. I can go for multiple rounds too, I mean it’s hard not to. Have you seen her? We have sex all night sometimes. I hope she finishes her conference call soon, I’m really starting to miss her…”

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?):

“Y/N owns a very tasteful collection of dildos made out of rose quartz and jade. I use them on her sometimes between rounds but, I don’t know how often she uses them beyond that. I don’t own any toys but, I do spend quite a bit of money on new lingerie for Y/N. She has an entire armoire for all of her outfits. Oh, we have gold handcuffs too. We take turns using them on each other.”

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease):

“Y/N has a really sensitive spot on her neck and, she’s really tender around her waist so, sometimes I come up beyond her and, brush my lips against her throat and, tickle her. She’s told me it turns her on immediately so, I like to play with her a little bit. We both tease each other a lot though, especially during phone meetings. One time, I was on a 4 way call with my investors and, she sucked my dick through the entire thing. I thought I was gonna have a heart attack but, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t cum a little harder that time. Maybe that’s another kink of mine…”

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make):

“We live on a private piece of land so; we can be as loud as we want. I’m only loud when things are getting intense but, even still I’m not screaming at the top of my lungs. She isn’t crazy loud either but, I do try my hardest to get her to scream my name every now and again. Just for fun.”

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice):

“Y/N and I are in the process of buying an island in the Caribbean and, sometimes I get turned on when she talks about how much money we both have. I’m sorry, I know it’s a dick move but, it’s the truth. I donate millions to charity every year, I swear.”

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words):

“I’m like 7 inches I think? When I’m hard it’s probably like 8 or 9. I’m not sharing any more than that ha.”

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?):

“Pretty high. Unless I’m really sick or really busy.”

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards):

“If we’ve been going for multiple rounds, I’m pretty exhausted by the end of it but, I don’t just fall asleep. I don’t want to leave the bed afterwards though. I just want to cuddle with Y/N until we both pass out. If it’s during the day and, we’ve only gone once or twice, I’m not tired at all.”

“Aqua wanted me to dedicate this to @gldnrecs and, @bulletproofbirdy. She says you guys are the best and, apparently you have a sweet spot for me. So, I guess I’ll dedicate this to you too ha. I hope you liked it.”

#jungkook smut #bts smut #jungkook #bts jungkook #mama mia!#A-Z: Mama Mia! Jungkook #smutcentralnet #bts scenarios #bts reactions

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buckysmischief · 4 years

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A Prophecy Fulfilled

Pairing: Hades!Loki x Aphrodite!reader

Word Count: ~3.4k

Summary: The journey to finding your true love is said to be long and difficult- well then it’s a good thing you’re Aphrodite, the goddess of love. You might know their names, but their stories are very different. Will it end in love, or will it be just another Greek tragedy? Or that one time Hades thought he could pull one over on the Goddess of Love.

AN: This was originally apart of a series but due to creative differences (between my brain and my heart) I’ve decided to just make this a one shot. Hope you still like it :)

follow @delusionalteenagewhispers for more :)

Warnings: language, drinking, adult content 18+, angst, & this will not 100% follow any mythology, I had to tweak some things to follow the story. I linked the character list (cause certain characters call others by certain names) so no one gets confused.

Character list | Song inspo

“‘Dite, darling, come back to bed will you?”

“I just have to let Cerberus out before he goes to bed, I’ll be right back.” You kiss Loki lightly on the mouth and lead the puppy outside. Pietro would be arriving to take you back to Mount Olympus in the morning. Loki was kind enough to set up the arrangement since it meant you’d be able to travel there more, living in the Underworld just wasn’t an option for you unfortunately.

Loki took trips to see you often, too, but he loves to be in his domain. He loves the privacy, the screams of souls echoing, being alone with you without a random God or Goddess barging in because honestly does anyone knock on this damn Mountain?

You open the door for Cerberus and watch as he chases the shadows, thinking about the week ahead. There were a few meetings you had to attend, punish a few mortals, catch up with Dani, and then Loki should arrive before Tony’s party.

“Come on Cerby, let’s go cuddle with daddy!” you scooped the hound off the floor and began your walk back to the master suite, finding Loki sound asleep you crawl underneath the black silk sheets and embrace yourself in your lovers warmth.

After you drift off to sleep, you find yourself having a curiously pleasant dream. You feel warm and tingly, which is odd because are you supposed to be able to feel this kind of sensation in a dream? Slowly the feeling of ecstasy begins building in your core, and you’re being pulled back to reality by the image of Loki in between your legs.

Once awake, he pretends not to notice and slips two of his fingers inside of you. As he began to suck on your clit, his fingers quickly found your g-spot and you knew you wouldn’t last much longer.

He takes a moment to look up at you, without slowing, to watch your body writhe around the sheets. “You can stop holding it in, little one. I know you’re awake, now come for me.” You pull his hair when he moans into your core, your moans loud enough to wake the dead.

A few minutes later, after you both have caught your breath, you curl up on his chest and begin to aimlessly trace your finger onto his skin. “Not that I’m complaining-”

“-I’d be offended if you were.”

“But what do you want? That was too good for you not to want anything in return.” Loki picked you up and carried you to the washroom, Pietro will be here any moment and you rather him not see you in this state. It’s all the Olympians would be talking about for at least a week.

“Is it so hard to believe I only wish to please you in as many ways I can, especially when I won’t be seeing you for a few days?” he sat you down on the counter and began cleaning the inside of your thighs. You were still sensitive, but Loki was always gentle with you. When he needed to be, of course.

“No,” you smirked, “but according to everyone, since you’re Hades, you’re supposed to be this mean man who will inevitably hurt me, that you naturally have bad intentions, things like that.”

“And you believe them?” he didn’t quite meet your gaze.

“No, never.” You raised a hand to his chin, tilting his head slightly so he would look you in the eyes, “I was just kidding, I know you’d never hurt me.” He leaned in to give you a kiss, but was interrupted by Cerberus barking at Pietro flying through the palace.

“We’ll pick this up in a few moons, darling. Now please, get your insufferable friend out of the Underworld.”

Once arriving, you and Pietro begin walking to meet Dani and his sister, Wanda, who had no idea you were coming home today. “So, I assume you’re going to Hephaestus’ party?” Pietro, Hermes, preferred to call all of the gods and goddesses by their godly names, but he answered to either. For everyone else, it simply depended on the occasion.

“Oh great, you’re back.” Ares. His friends called him Bucky, but you two were not friends. ”One of these days, I can only hope Hades keeps you down there. Then maybe, just maybe, I’ll get to live the rest of my life in peace.”

No one, not even you, knows why he has such a problem with you. You had your theories though, but only one stuck; you were basically opposites. He brooded around Olympus, and only lightened up when Steve and Sam were around. You simply let love guide you, and always tired to wear a smile.

“You know,” you spun around to face him, “if you just let me add a little love to your life it would probably help with, well, whatever problem you have with me.”

He turned around and mumbled, “You’ve done enough, Aphrodite.”

“What did you say?!” you yell, turning to Pietro, “What did he say? He’s such an ass!”

“I’ve got 50 drachma that says he’s in love with you but doesn’t know how to handle it.” he chuckles. “What’s that mortal saying? All’s fair in love and war? It fits the situation, don’t you think?”

You quickly dismissed his comment, there’s no way Ares feels anything for you other than animosity. For as long as you could remember that’s just how it’s always been with him; smoldering eye contact, hateful words, ignoring you entirely, and now he wants you out of Olympus entirely.

But none of that mattered right now, you were walking up the path to Dani’s house and nothing - not even Ares - could ruin being reunited with your best friends.

Before you could even announce yourself, Wanda is running out of the doors and pulling you into a warm embrace. “YN, you’re back! And you,” she eyes Pietro, “you couldn’t have given me a heads up she was coming back today?”

“Hebe, please, you know Hades would have my head if I went behind ‘Dites back.”

Before she could respond, Dani is pulling you away from the twins. “Aphrodite.. you bitch. How dare you leave me with these two for a month?!”

“Well hello to you too. Should I have just gone home? Besides, I thought you’d have been busy with Steve.” You giggle.

“I brought Hercules up a few times for her. She was veeeery busy, if you know what I mean.” Pietro’s always one to diffuse tension, even if it’s friendly, and especially between the three of you. Sure, the conversations always start out at normal volume, but they never stay that way and if you asked him, he was certain someone was going to take it too far.

“Leave Steve out of this,” Dani pointed, giving him her best ‘you keep talking and I’ll end you’ look, “I’m trying to be an angry best friend.”

“Okay, okay. I’ll take that as my cue to leave, I have official business anyways.” He gave each of you a hug, and flew off to gods know where. You had a theory that he was always running off to hook up with random mortals again, and Dani agreed. He was single, attractive, and had a very persuasive smile. Wanda on the other hand refused to think about her brother in that way at all, not even to give an opinion.

The three of you go inside and Wanda immediately began brewing tea, knowing there would be a lot to catch up on. She began by telling you the latest gossip around Olympus, like how Scott and Bucky got into a heated argument - no one knows over what - and Scott literally threw him into the sea.

“You’re joking,” almost spitting out your tea, “I would have given all my drachma to see that.”

“It was all... ‘you need to cool down.’ ‘Don’t tell me to cool down.’ ‘Fine let me show you how to cool down.’ SPLASH! ...Gods you should’ve seen the look on Bucky’s face when he came back out of the water.” Dani does her best to look simultaneously angry and half-drowned.

“Probably just as gorgeous.” you roll your eyes, taking another sip of your tea. “Don’t you look at me like that! The guy’s a major pain in my ass, but I’m not blind!”

As the night continued, tea turned into wine and the light gossip turned into full on conspiracy theories. Apparently Clint had a prophecy about one of the big three, and wouldn’t tell anyone what it was, only that “things are finally going to get interesting around here again,” which meant everyone was naming off ways Loki would cause a riot.

“Which means it’s time for me to leave, it’s getting late.” you say your goodbyes and begin your walk home under the moonlight.

Waking up to the sun beaming on your face was something you’d never take for granted, it was what you missed most while staying with Loki.

But Scott, the idiot, had to go and ruin it. How? Oh, by riding a literal wave into your bedroom window and almost drowning you, of course.

“Scott, you fucking asshole, WHAT IS YOUR PROMBLEM!?” you scream, chasing him outside.

“You didn’t come see me yesterday, my feelings got hurt.”

Scott was the youngest of the big three, and he sure as hell acted like it. He was stupid and impulsive, the only reason you put up with his shenanegans is because he’s your oldest friend, you’d go to war for eachother.

“Please tell me you’re kidding, or so help me Zeus, I won’t stop Loki the next time you pick a fight with him!”

He stopped running and spun around, quickly grabbing you by the arms before you could run into him, “Am I not Poseidon, God of the Sea?” he mocks. “Does that mean anything anymore?”

“Ah, yes,” you push off his chest and bow, “All hail Poseidon, God to No One!”

Once again, you were being drenched in water. “You take that back, little goddess.”

“Don’t you little goddess me, now clean this up while I attempt to find something dry to wear.”

You knew it wouldn’t take Scott long to clean up all the water, but deciding on an outfit was proving to be difficult. After what felt like an hour, you chose a light pink gown and gold accessories. But before you could put anything on, you hear an impatient Scott behind you, “Loki has one rule, Scott.”

“Yeah, and it’s a stupid rule. I saw you naked before he even remembered your name.” He wasn’t wrong. When you were younger, he would take you swimming whenever he could. What would the mortals call it? Oh, right, skinny dipping.

As you both got older, seeing the other naked never got uncomfortable. But when Loki found out, he suggested to his younger brother that he should keep his eyes to himself. And you respected that, but Scott had to defy his brother at every opportunity.

Only after you were done changing did you turn around and respond to him, “I told you, I don’t want to be apart of y’alls sibling rivalry. Now really, why are you here?”

His usual smiling face turned serious, eyes no longer meeting yours, “Have you heard Apollo’s newest prophecy?”

Not this again. “Just that you or one of your brothers are going to do something that will shake this place up, but Clint is being tight lipped on who it’s about.”

“It’s about Hades.”

Something about the way Scott confirmed your suspicions made you feel uneasy. Your stomach was in knots, and your head felt light. Loki was always planning insane things, what could be so different about whatever he’s up to now? “What do you mean?”

“Nothing, that’s all I know.” He was lying, poorly, and you both knew it, “I was just wondering if you knew anything, you know, so I can be ready.”

You chose not to ask what he was hiding, you weren’t ready to accept there was a chance Loki was willing to do anything to risk your happiness.

“No, he’s not up to anything. He’d tell me.”

The days leading up to Tony’s party, and Loki’s arrival, went as expected. Meetings concluded without much of a fuss, except the occasional smart ass comment from Ares. But you got to spend almost all of your free time with Dani, Wanda, and Natasha, and that helped a lot. It was good to be home.

You had been spending the morning in Thor’s garden, away from all the chaos that was happening inside. It wasn’t that you didn’t want to catch up with Thor properly, but he didn’t just invite Clint and Sam, but Ares as well. You were in far too good of a mood to let him ruin it.

Surprisingly enough, it was Pietro who cut your good morning short by delivering that stupid letter. “You’re the worst, you know that?”

“Don’t shoot the messenger, I don’t even know what it says!”

You ball up the piece of paper and throw it at his head, “He isn’t able to make it up here for a few days at least, he didn’t give a reason.”

“So he’s missing the party?” Clint asked, stepping outside.

“Don’t even bring up your stupid prophacy,” you could tell what he was thinking just by the look he had on his face, he was taunting you, “if he was up to something he’d tell me. He always tells me!”

Thor, Sam and Ares came outside as soon as they heard you yelling at Clint. It wasn’t his fault, you knew that. But he didn’t have to enjoy these situations so much.

“Maybe it doesn’t have anything to do with the prophecy,” Ares was leaning against a column next to Sam, you didn’t understand how anyone could stand to be around him for longer than absolutely necessary. “Maybe he’s just bored with you, maybe you’re not worth breaking up with in person, or maybe whatever love spell you put him under has finally worn off.”

If you could throw the god into the depths of Tartarus, he’d already be down there. Who did he think he was talking to you like that, about Hades no less. You took a moment to collect yourself - the only things you could feel at the moment were anger and hate, neither of which did you any good.

Once you knew you wouldn't be calming down any time soon, you decided to leave. You gave Clint an angry glare while hugging Thor, Sam and Pietro goodbye. You planned on walking right past Ares like he wasn’t there, but you chose against it. You looked him in the eyes, “I don’t know what your problem is with me, but you need to show some respect. And get your facts right while you’re at it; it’s not possible for me to put a love spell on any godly being. Especially one as powerful as Loki.”

You stormed out, leaving the remaining gods in a state of shock. It wasn’t like you to react that way, even with Ares, when defending your relationship with Loki. He believed that what you both shared was strong enough, that your love didn’t need defending. But he wasn’t here, and wouldn’t be for awhile, so you did what you felt was necessary.

If you had stayed, you’d have seen the look of realization on Bucky’s face. You missed how quickly he composed himself before whispering to Sam, “Did you know she couldn’t do that?” “Yeah, man. Everyone knows that.” And if you would have looked back after that, even for a second, you would have seen the look of longing on his face as he watched you leave.

Walking into Tony’s party alone wasn’t something you were excited about, so when you saw Scott lingingering outside you grabbed him by his hand and led him to the doors.

When you both entered, the party was in full swing. Dani and Steve were dancing like no one was watching. Clint and Natasha were observing, probably waiting to see if Loki would show up and fulfil the prophecy. Wanda and Pietro, along with some of the satyrs and nymphs, were listening to Tony tell one of his stories. You didn’t see Thor, Sam, or even Ares yet, but they were likely on their way.

It was odd not having Loki by your side, he seemed so excited about tonight and it felt wrong even being here. But after a long talk with Dani, she convinced you that he’d want you to be happy and to enjoy a night with all of your friends. Neither of you expected her to be so wrong.

“You know, we could just leave,” Scott whispers in your ear, “I’m sure Tony would understand. We could go night swimming, you love that.”

“As tempting as that sounds, I can’t. What if he shows up and surprises me and I’m not here?” Scott mumbles something under his breath, but you elected to ignore it.

When you started dating Loki, Scott gave you the space you needed. The two of you didn’t spend as much time together as you did growing up, but he was still very protective of you. Which reminded you, “So I heard you threw Ares into the ocean while I was gone.”

He began laughing so hard he almost spilled the drink he was making for you, “Yeah, yeah I did. Guys a real hot head.”

“Care to tell me what caused it?”

“That’s a story for another night, little goddess.”

The party was in full swing when Thor arrived, thunder booming, with Sam and Ares behind him. You’d never admit it, but you were secretly hoping Loki would be with them.

“You and your brothers are very dramatic with your entrances, have you noticed?” you ask, putting your head on Scott’s shoulder.

“It comes with the ego, you should try it.” he jokes.

“Scotty, I need help.” without explaining further, he picks you up and helps you to the bathroom.

“You’d think after all these years you wouldn’t be such a lightweight.”

“Maybe I just enjoy when powerful gods spoil me.” He let you down so you could have some privacy and waited in the hallway.

After you shut the door, he started hearing moans coming from the opposite wall. “Wonder who snuck away?” he thought to himself, before quietly opening the door to sneak a peek.

“No fucking way..” he says to himself, eyes almost popping out of his head.

“What’s in there?” you ask. He slams the door without thinking.

“Nothing, that was quick. Let’s get back-” Scott had tried to hurry the both of you away before the occupants of the room got curious as to who slammed the door, but it was too late.

“Who dares interrupt-”

“Loki?” you ask, more confused than ever. He’s not fully out the door, but you can see enough of him to tell he’s naked. His hair is a mess and sweat is dripping down his chest.

“Aphrodite…” he began, but was interrupted by a pair of hands wrapping themselves around his waist, “Hades, punish them later. Come back to bed.”

“A nymph? Really?” It was Scott who spoke first, and he was livid.

“Mind your own business little brother.”

“No,” you cut in, “he’s right. Everyone was right.. How could you?”

He pushed the nymph off of him and wrapped himself in silk before stepping out into the hall, “Yn, please, let me explain.”

Before he can get any closer to you, Scott steps in front of you. “How about you finish what you were doing? We're leaving. She doesn’t deserve this.”

Without a response, he picks you back up, but stops when he sees all of your friends blocking the path. “Come on, guys. Move.” he commands, carrying you through the crowd. Everyone was too shocked by the underdressed god, and the nymph opening the door to comprehend his words.

To everyone’s surprise, it’s Bucky who speaks first. “We all knew you didn’t deserve her, but none of us expected you to do this.”

Permanent tags: @sociallyeneptbarnes @rogvewitch @saturn-aka-six @stuckonjbbarnes @superavengerpotterstar @estillion14 @sleepingspacedragon @geeksareunique @infj-slytherclaw @imsoft-barnes @piper-koko-barnes-rogers @murdermornings @distractedgemini @screaming-fridge @readeity @aestheticrelated @my-drowning-in-time @valkyriesryde @sebbbystaaan @perpetually-tuned-out @disaffectedbarnes @buggy-blogs @hey-its-grey @pinknerdpanda @brokenthelovely @sandyclaws @death-unbecomes-you @rhymesmenagerie @actualdpshuri @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog @mushyjellybeans @https-bucky @nea90sweetie @goalexis123 @missmeganrachel @sunflowersandcherry @miraclesoflove

#love lust & longing #loki x reader #loki!hades x Aphrodite!reader #Aphrodite reader #greek au #thor x reader #zeus!thor x reader #bucky barnes x reader #ares!bucky x reader #scott lang x reader #poseidon!scott x reader #angst #smut

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artificialqueens · 4 years

Text

In The Morning Light (Biadore) - Chaoticnachokitten

A/N: Heyy!!^-^

Thank you to the lovely anon who requested this, I had a ton of fun writing it:)

Special thanks to @aqtanawrites for not only betaing, but also coming up with a title<3

(I promise I’m working on Behind the Scenes, I haven’t forgotten about it, I’m sorry it’s taking so long:/)

It was a beautiful morning. The sky was light blue and crystal clear, there wasn't even a tiny cloud in sight. The sun was shining in the most beautiful color, keeping the world warm and giving everything a bright, almost magical hue. The birds were cheerfully singing outside. Some people might have called it the perfect morning.

Adore, however could care less about the beautiful scene that was going on outside. She woke up feeling like something, or rather, someone was missing, and she didn’t have to search long to find out why she was feeling that way: a short glance to the other, now empty side of the bed was enough. For some reason she felt mildly betrayed, probably due to the fact that she hated waking up alone and that Bianca knew this fact. Then another feeling stopped her thoughts. Having been too distracted by feeling betrayed she had only realized now that her head was hurting in that awful, pounding way.

Then her memories of last night came back. All in all it had been a great evening, there had been a lot of talking and laughing mixed with more serious topics, but she had definitely gone overboard with her alcohol consumption. Again.

She decided to do what she had planned around a minute ago. A genius plan, at least in her opinion, designed to save her morning. It consisted of three easy but effective steps. 1) find Bianca 2) drag her back to bed and 3) get the much needed attention and affection she usually needed when she was hungover.

Sighing, she got up slowly to begin the search, which unsurprisingly didn’t take very long. She found Bianca in her living room, sitting on the couch while looking at her phone.

“I’m never drinking again” Adore announced, attempting to shield her still sensitive eyes from the sunlight that was flooding in from the windows.

“Good morning to you too. Also, that’s what you said last time.” With that, Bianca turned back her attention to her phone, typing something.

“Well, I mean it this time.”

“That’s what you sai-"

“Anyway. Why are you here and not with me? It’s one of those rare times where we actually have a few days off and you’re already ignoring my basic needs.”

Bianca raised an eyebrow at that.

“Girl, go get some painkillers. You usually only get that whiny when you have a headache. And I assume you’ll find them yourself, you essentially live here.”

Adore made a disagreeing, high pitched sound, and shook her head.

“Can’t you just get off your phone to go back to bed with me? What are you even doing that’s so important that you’re not even paying attention to me?”

“The people are tweeting stupid stuff again.”

“Just leave them.” Adore was letting her voice become very whiny now.

“Fine. Just give me ten minutes.”

Adore was sure that she could wait ten minutes, so she sat down next to Bianca. Since she was craving physical contact, she somewhat awkwardly tilted her head so she could rest it on Bianca’s shoulder and closed her eyes, she didn’t bother to look at whatever oh so important thing was happening on Twitter.

“Bitch, you really need to shave.”

Adore just sighed and silently pouted. She managed to wait around two minutes before deciding it had been enough time. The position her head was in was straining her neck which made the headache worse, she was tired, cold, and wanted to go back to sleep, but not alone, of course so leaving wasn’t really an option.

“I’m cold.”

“Well, you’re literally only wearing shorts, I’d be cold too. Go put some clothes on, easy as that.”

“I didn’t have any intentions to get up already though, and I’m just patiently waiting for you.”

When that didn’t get her desired reaction, Adore decided to change her strategy.

“It’s 10am on a rare day off, and you actually choose getting canceled on Twitter, again, may I add, over giving me my very much needed attention?”

Finally Bianca switched off her phone.

“Fine. What do you want?”

Adore didn’t answer, though her green eyes lit up after finally getting her way. Instead she just grabbed Bianca’s hand and pulled her back into the bedroom.

“See? Way better than being mean on Twitter, right?” Adore exclaimed. Her voice came out louder than expected, and she managed to make her headache worse, causing her to groan and rub her forehead.

With her full attention on Adore now, Bianca’s voice had a more soft and caring feel to it, which was reserved for moments like these.

“Are you okay? Do you want me to get you some painkillers or water or something?”

Adore immediately shook her head. The position they were in was incredibly comfortable, at least to them it was. They were facing each other while their bodies were completely intertwined.

While the amount of touching in their relationship might look excessive for some people, especially since they were ‘just’ friends, it was only natural for them. Adore was naturally all about being physically close to people she loved, the friendship they had for years now had managed to break the protective walls Bianca had built up, allowing her to just let things happen sometimes. Including Adore dragging her back into the bedroom when she technically had time to work on different projects.

“No, I’m fine, can you please just stay here and kiss my head or something?”

Bianca chuckled.

“I’m not sure about the efficiency of that, but sure.”

With that, she gently put her lips on Adore’s forehead and placed a feather light kiss on it.

“Better?”, she asked with a sarcastic undertone.

“Actually yes, thank you” Adore answered in a very innocent tone, ignoring the sarcasm.

She paused for a moment, gathering her thoughts before speaking up again.

“Honestly, this is amazing.”

“Yeah, it really is.”

“You aren’t even going to ask me what?”

“I think I already know what you mean.”

Adore gave Bianca a questioning look.

“This, right now. What we have. Everything we’ve been through. How lucky we are to have each other. I wouldn’t want to trade it for anything in the world.”

“I mean, I’m not sure if I intended it to be that deep, but yeah, that’s exactly what I meant.”

Adore made sure to look Bianca straight into the eyes before continuing.

“I'm really lucky to have you.”

“The feeling is mutual. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

They fell silent after the exchange of the words they used every so often, simply because everything that needed to be said out loud was said. It wasn’t like they had suddenly stopped talking, they both knew each other well enough to be able to communicate silently. Neither of them wanted this moment to end. Needless to say, the whole Twitter thing was completely forgotten. At least for the day.

#rpdr fanfiction #adore delano #bianca del rio #biadore #fluff #chaoticnachokitten #concrit welcome #canon compliant

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bondsmagii · 4 years

Note

I mean to ask this genuinely, no hostility, but can you explain how you correlate scp to being in a cult? I dont disagree, I just cant articulate the reasoning as to why I dont disagree, and would like to see where youre coming from with this. Also, could you tag it with cults or cult discussion or something similar, please? Thanks! Have a good day.

OK [cracks knuckles] I will try and keep this as short as possible, but you have to understand I’ve been observing the wiki in the wild literally since its inception, so there is a lot of stuff to consider. anyway let’s buckle up.

[EDIT: after finishing, this is obnoxiously long. sorry. I encourage people to read it though, because yikes.]

I base this theory on a set of guidelines set out for spotting if an organisation might be a cult. generally cults are religiously based; obviously this does not apply here. as far as I’m aware, nobody sees the SCP wiki as a religion (yet). because of this a couple of the points regarding spotting a cult are irrelevant (they concern things like separation from the Church which obviously doesn’t apply) but nearly all of the others (even some religious ones) can apply if we provide context. so without further ado:

Signs You’re In A Cult and How the SCP Wiki Literally Fits Into All of Them

let’s start with the most obvious:

opposing critical thinking

something that has long pissed me off about the SCP wiki has been its complete inability to think critically. staff will literally ban people for criticising them, and the parameters of “criticism” have only grown wider and wider over the years. anything that is the “party line” is sacred; nothing can be improved upon because it’s already perfect, and Staff Knows Best. any policy changes are law, and any dissenting voices are silenced – even among younger staff members (length of service wise, not age wise). I have seen staff put on probation or demoted for arguing against pointless or pedantic policy changes; I have seen people of all levels banned for arguing with staff. if this doesn’t happen right away, arguing with staff over their decisions will absolutely get a target on your back, and they will find a way to ban or demote you as soon as they can.

any criticism on the wiki is frowned upon unless it comes from the Major Staff Members – these are people at the top of the hierarchy who can do no wrong, and as you can imagine, they’ve done some shit. staff has always had a problem with elitism, bullying, and even abusive behaviour (blah blah blah #NotAllStaff, but the ratio is quite concerning) and any criticism of their behaviour or even pointing this fact out is dangerous if you want to remain on the wiki. hell, I know many people who are aware of this who don’t speak up because they’re genuinely scared of retaliation. a lot of staff are really nasty people, and because of this attitude they are beyond criticism.

isolating members and penalising them for leaving

the penalising them for leaving part isn’t strictly accurate, because as far as I know, nobody has ever been bullied or threatened into staying on the wiki. however, I do remember a while back (2011/2012-ish) when the Foundation RP community began to show up on Tumblr, and the wiki began to get a fanbase that wasn’t contained on the site itself. staff were not happy about this and to this day they still constantly try and get a monopoly on all off-site locations. they have an official Offsite Outreach Team (yes, that’s its real name) who “reach out” to communities on other platforms (YouTube, Reddit, Tumblr, etc) and set up an Official Presence there, and then they encourage everyone to use the Official Presence rather than the fan-made ones (which are often more established and better/more consistently run). there have been several off-site spats between staff and the fandom, because they arrive demanding the authority and respect they have on the wiki and get Big Mad when they don’t get it. just recently one (now ex) staff member, djkaktus, went absolutely primal on Reddit and banned a whole bunch of the community for daring to say that they didn’t like the new LGBT logo for pride month (many of these people were LGBT themselves and felt as though it was pandering/putting targets on their backs); several more years ago (2014, I believe?) I myself had a run in with the Outreach Team and it was one fucking hell of a headache that ended in a malicious smear campaign against me, so like. yeah.

as for isolating members, they do this via elitism. the above is an example of it (making everyone feel a sense of obligation or loyalty to the Official Presence), but a huge part of it has always been the elitist attitude prevalent on the wiki. the SCP wiki has high standards for writing (allegedly… I’ve seen some garbage on there tbh, same as any other website) and it uses this to bully and demean its users. criticism of writing is overly harsh but highly encouraged; anyone complaining that it was too cruel (which it often is) is ridiculed for being too sensitive. (staff have been working on this for years, but really nothing has changed; people have just gotten more between-the-lines about it.) this encourages a kind of desperation among new users to “rise up the ranks” and earn respect so they can be the ones dishing out the criticism instead; they will do so and then immediately act in accordance to their status, bullying others how they were bullied and sticking to their own “rank”. brief interruption: staff and bootlickers if you’re reading this and thinking of reblogging to defend yourself, the code word is yeet. if I do not see the word yeet in your reply I will know you have not read this thoroughly and tell me why I should then bother reading anything you have to say.staff themselves is incredibly removed and closed off from the rest of the community; they have a bunch of private chat rooms they hang out in, and inter-dating is common. they don’t tend to interact much outside the flock, and are the definition of cliquey. joining this rank is supposed to be an achievement, but really it’s probably the most dangerous place to be. I have seen so many staff members have literal, clinical mental breakdowns over the strain and treatment they suffer.

(there’s nowhere to neatly slot this in, so: I don’t know how many people have noticed this, but SCP fans, when you spot them on other platforms, are snooty. not casual fans, but those involved with the wiki? I can spot them from a mile away, because whenever the Foundation is mentioned, there they are, acting like they’re part of some cool club. some of these people are innocent (they’re just mimicking the behaviour of other members) but some of them really do seem to think that their site is somehow better than whatever site they’re on, and it’s really creepy to see.)

emphasising special doctrines outside of scripture

obviously this is religion-specific, but with context it can fit. if we take scripture to mean SCP lore, and special doctrines to mean differing headcanons, ideas, writing styles, etc… oh boy.

there’s something that’s often said on the wiki: there is no canon. buddy, there is. yes, you can write whatever you want technically, and you can disregard headcanons you don’t like and you can build on different things and theoretically people can just ignore your shit if they don’t like it, but that is not what happens. there is absolutely a canon, and deviating from it will get you downvoted into oblivion and even personally attacked. people will accuse you of the most ridiculous shit, like desecrating the wiki or betraying the universe or whatever. so where does the emphasising part of this come in?

why, it’s simple! if one of these special doctrines (headcanons or whatever) comes from staff or an Approved Member, it’s fine. go nuts. even if it’s something that anybody else would be absolutely slaughtered for, it’s fine if staff approves. there is no creative freedom on that wiki, and anyone attempting to carve a piece out for themselves will suffer for it. one of my close friends still gets hate for an SCP he wrote featuring heavy headcanons and building on existing lore about a well-known character, and some of this hate is because he didn’t set the fucking article out “how it should be”.

seeking inappropriate loyalty to their leaders

oh boy. staff are god on that website. they’ll deny it, but they know it’s true. many of them are arrogant and, in my opinion, some of them are pathologically narcissistic. they think they are hot shit, and they encourage people on the site to believe the same. a huge majority of users on the wiki are high school students, so 15-18 years old. the next huge group are college-aged, so 19-22 or so. several staff members are in their mid-20s up to 30s, maybe even coming 40s or early 40s now. when you’re in your mid-20s, it’s very easy to look cool to a 15-year-old. it’s very easy to look at a young userbase and convince them that you’re hot shit, and that’s what staff do. they act like it; most users respond to it, and if anyone dissents? see point one.

staff have always had double standards. from the very beginning of staff, they have gotten away with a lot more than the average user. staff have been allowed to bully, ridicule, harass, dismiss, shit upon, and target people with reckless abandon, usually only meeting punishment when other staff members feel too inconvenienced by them. a lot of the time when they’re punished, it’s a lot lighter than it would have been for an average user (a month ban rather than a permaban, for example). this is seen as almost a point of hilarity for a lot of people, who think it’s cool and just a right you get when you’re staff. you know best, you’ve seen some shit – who can blame you for slamdunking a 15-year-old’s first SCP?

the amount of respect and adoration these people demand is ridiculous, and anybody daring to criticise them ends up on a shitlist. staff show up in other areas (Tumblr or Reddit) and expect that same amount of respect, even among people outside of the wiki who might just be casual fans. they act a lot more important than they are, and demand that everyone treats them appropriately. I’ve seen staff members throw shitfits because they didn’t get enough upvotes for their articles, and many staff members’ quality of work declines when they make staff, simply because they know that they’ll get easy upvotes as soon as people realise it’s a staff member who wrote it. downvotes are enough to get you put on a shitlist.

publicly, their word is law. you are not allowed to debate with them in the forums if they put a “stop” on the topic; the same applies in the IRC chat. if staff says “stop”, you will be punished if you mention it again. you are allowed to discuss it with them privately, but I think that’s rather insidious, as staff have been known to twist facts and withhold information before. this gives them a public persona of always being right – and something else that cults do is silence dissenting voices so nobody who might agree can see other people saying the same things and feel encouraged/emboldened.

crossing Biblical boundaries of behaviour

again, we’ll need to contextualise this. if Biblical boundaries are things like sins and all the stuff the Bible says Do Not Do, then in this context these are the wiki rules. staff (and their friends) will constantly cross the rules, as previously mentioned, and they will get away with it.

the wiki rules say “don’t be a dick”. I have caught staff bullying people countless times, and no doubt there’s more I haven’t caught. even out in the open, staff are argumentative, dismissive, rude, intimidating, and oftentimes plain nasty. the wiki rules say “don’t coldpost articles; get feedback”. staff is just out there throwing their shit onto the wiki and expecting an avalanche of upvotes in five minutes Or Else. policies are made that set parameters and staff changes them whenever convenient – for example, the long-standing rule that things that occur off-site are not the responsibility of the Disciplinary Committee (yes, its name.). unless, of course, it’s someone they don’t like. a major staff member bullies somebody on Tumblr? “sorry, it was offsite, not our problem”. someone staff doesn’t like gets into a brief spat on Reddit? banned for harassment.

there are countless examples of this, from small things to major things like bullying, harassment, and even abuse (or enabling of abuse). staff will punish people for transgressions and then turn a blind eye to a fellow staff member committing a transgression that was ten times worse. they have even protected rapists and sexual predators in the past – another kind of behaviour common in cults, because that’s what happens when you combine narcissism and entitlement with total authority.

that’s the main bulk of it

but now the context has been established, here are a few more concerning things I’ve noticed (quickfire now):

cults shit on former members

and the wiki does the same. any staff member that’s grown fed up of the groupthink and the cliquey attitude and how nasty people are or who has been mistreated by staff themselves; any regular user who feels the same and vocally quits? shat upon. lauded as a bastion of whatever is wrong with the wiki. declared an Enemy and rallied against. it is so creepy.

cults use Us vs Them mentality, especially in language

broad declarations establishing a community and a community spirit in the face of adversity are common in cults. appeals to emotion and loyalty are used in a very manipulative way. catastrophising and fearmongering is common, too. I’m seeing this in how the recent drama with the legal issues is being handled. broad appeals to “defend the wiki”, hashtags being encouraged, emotional speeches from staff about how it’s a make or break situation…

…and this is being reflected in the absolutely insane comments people are responding with.

this is a fucking writing website. the above is not a normal reaction at all.

the attitudes of regular users quickly grow concerning

people very quickly get obsessed with the wiki and it defines their lives. they seem to feel as though they owe something to it or they need to serve some kind of a purpose; many people try and “get the word out” and become voluntary spokespeople. they go around practically preaching, and I do not see the users of any other website doing this.

cults want full control over how they’re seen by outsiders

and the scp wiki does the same. as mentioned previously, when the fandom grew and spiralled off the wiki to other sites, staff debated for weeks over what to do. brief interruption the second code is shrek is life.they were not comfortable with the idea of the wiki having an independent fandom, and for years now they have been in constant struggle with offsite communities, trying to gain the same amount of control they have over the wiki. it’s impossible to do so thoroughly, and it’s clearly an annoyance for them.

cult leaders will let “lesser” members do their dirty work for them

and guess what staff does? rather than wade in there and get their hands dirty with internet arguments, they’ll sit back and let regular users dogpile on dissenters and say all the things staff shouldn’t be seen to say in public. note how even if this would violate the bullying policies, they’ll just get a warning so long as staff agrees.

in conclusion

@ everyone on the scp wiki: yall know you’re in a cult, right?

#scp shenanigans #scp foundation #cult discussion #long post #like LONG post #anon #asks

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daily-dose-of-imagines · 4 years

Text

(っ◔◡◔)っ 𝕄𝕒𝕥𝕔𝕙𝕦𝕡♥

InuYasha, Full Metal Alchemist, and Yu-Gi-Oh! Match-Up Request

May I please have a match-up for these fandoms? :) Thank you very much :D

Name: Corethra (or Corey for short)

Age: 25

Gender: Female

Sexual Orientation: Heterosexual

Occupation: Hand Packer at an ice cream factory. I work 12 hours (5:30pm to 6am) 2-2-3.

Birthplace: Memphis, TN, USA. I was raised in the neighborhood called Frayser which is the most impoverished area in Memphis and has a high crime rate as expected.

Zodiac Sign: Pisces (born March 2)

Chinese Zodiac: Year Of The Pig

MBTI Type: INFJ

Alignment: Lawful Neutral

Hogwarts House: Slytherin

Love Language: Acts Of Service

Race/Ethnicity: African-American

Height: 4'11 (Call me short and I’ll kick your butt!)

Body Type/Shape: Average but well developed figure at best. I weigh about 158 lbs and am pretty insecure about my body.

Hair Color/Style: Black and naturally curly but I keep it flat-ironed so it’s straight. It’s long and goes down to just below my shoulder blades. There are times when I will have braids put in of various lengths.

Glasses or No?: Yes I wear glasses

Eye Color: Brown

Dress Style: I usually dress up in a casual way, just throwing on whatever looks good at the time but I will sometimes put in the effort when the time calls for it or when I’m in a good mood. I have an affinity for the punk, emo, and goth styles and I rarely wear feminine clothes but I will wear something risky every once in a while.

Hobbies/Interests: Video games, reading, writing, anime, internet surfing, listening to music, politics (sometimes), watching movies/TV shows, basically being an overall nerd. I’m usually either on my laptop or one of my many video game consoles if I’m not on my phone or reading one of my books.

Dislikes: Ignorance, stupidity, restriction, manipulation/gas-lighting, bullying, humanity, not being understood, corruption/injustice, close-mindedness

Personality: At first glance, I seem quiet and keep to myself, only speaking when I need to or when I’m spoken to. I’m an anti-social introvert to the fullest and don’t care much for small talk or going out. I prefer to have deeper conversations. When I get comfortable enough in whatever environment I’m in, I start to open up bit by bit. I’m a tomboy and pretty rough-minded as well as stubborn. I’m very sassy, have a smart, sarcastic, and witty mouth if not humorous and outrageous at times, can be borderline rude, and I’m more sensitive than I care to be. I can literally cry at someone’s suffering especially if it’s someone I’m close to or even a total stranger. I’m very empathetic and my heart is bigger than what most people would expect. Most people describe me as quiet, intelligent, creative, dorky, a smartass, and really sweet. I love a good laugh and have an open sense of humor to boot.

Many of my friends say that I’m very sweet and kind which I usually am if I’m in a good mood as well as affectionate as hell. Hugs and pet names galore with me! However only my friends and family see that side of me. My language is often unfiltered, harsh, foul, and blunt which shocks people because they think I’m a pure angel. I say what I want when I want and no one tells me otherwise. If they do, they can expect a mouthful from me. I’m an escapist and very imaginative, can be a bit scatterbrained at times, and I’m methodical and detailed to the point of perfectionism. I’m usually a walking contradiction in terms of personality in so many ways to the point where the real me is almost impossible to decipher. To make matters more complicated, I’m not very good at expressing myself verbally and prefer to let my actions do the talking. I also express myself better through written form.

I have many pet peeves and I get annoyed easily in general. I’m also slowly embracing misanthropy and nihilism but I can be pretty idealistic so it balances out. I’m practically zero tolerance when it comes to bullshit. I hate confrontation and conflict but I’m starting to work on it so I can be less passive-aggressive and more assertive. I also wish to stand up for myself more often than I should so people won’t think that I’m weak and an easy target. I’m pretty cynical which is to be expected and usually expect the worst from people. When someone angers me, I will either just withdraw altogether and completely cut them off (slam the door basically) or get in their face and go off before doing the former. I’m the “hold my anger in and release it all at once” type but I hope to change that one day and stop letting things fester before they get out of hand. I can be quite petty and even cold as well and if someone wrongs me, they will have to make the first move to mend fences. I refuse to apologize if I’m not in the wrong and I will not accept gaslighting/guilt tripping. I also refuse to change for others and will admit to having quite a lot of pride but that’s mostly due to me not wanting to be hurt and manipulated, mistreated, or used.

I have issues with trust and a wild imagination to boot. I usually trust my instincts and can see right through bullshit. I don’t like taking risks and I have to know all the details when I do something so I don’t mess up and look like an idiot. I am indeed a perfectionist and introverted to a fault which often prevents me from trying new things and going outside my comfort zone. I haven’t been in a relationship yet and am still a virgin due to my issues with trust and not wanting to be hurt or humiliated as well as being quite picky/perfectionistic with the people I allow in my life. I have high standards for both people and myself although I’m pretty laid-back and my dislike of conflict allows me to also take a lot of shit from people too before I eventually say “fuck it” and slam the door or go off on them. I don’t think very highly of myself and can sometimes fall into a period of self-hatred and self-pity.

Many people praise me for my intelligence which is fitting since I’m an intellectual. My ideals and beliefs are rather odd to say the least (I’m a classical liberal/independent and despise most ideologies/ideas. This includes religion, feminism, social justice, traditionalism, statism, big government, nationalism, socialism/communism, etc.) and I feel misunderstood because of it (mostly because of the black community ostracizing me). I am indeed a rebel, open-minded, and a free thinker. No one tells me how to think or feel or else they face my wrath. I highly value power over myself and I think it’s the most important thing that a person needs in order to survive. I am definitely an outcast at heart and I often distance myself from others and don’t like talking about my feelings or beliefs because I think most people lack the ability/capacity to understand me. Before I give my opinion on something, I like to do as much research as possible as well as look at things from all perspectives before coming to my own conclusion. I don’t mind discussing things but I prefer logic over emotion when doing so which makes it damn near impossible these days for me to have an real conversation without insults and threats being thrown (usually towards me). Chances are I’m gonna find something wrong with damn near anything someone believes in or says and I’m not afraid to call it out when I see it. Once I do open up and express how I feel, the gates of passion will open up and never close. I also have high morals and values and stick to my guns no matter what which can make me pretty stubborn at times.

I’m currently battling depression and often experience many symptoms of it including suicidal thoughts and depression spells. I also suffer from iron-deficiency anemia as well. These things are pretty annoying for me to deal with whenever they flare up.

Overall, I’m pretty crazy and a handful to deal with. Good luck matching me up with someone :P

★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★

Hello @sacredwarrior88 and thank you for submitting with us! I hope you like the boys we matched you up with!

>Admin 𝕋

Hello hello~! Thank you so much for submitting your request with us! We apologize that it took so long to get out, but here it is! I handled the YGO portion of your match-up. Again, like Admin T said, we hope you enjoy who we’ve matched you up with!

» » Admin Ko

★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★

𝐼 𝓈𝒽𝒾𝓅 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽...

Out of all the charactsers in fullmetal alchemist I can definitely see Scar as being someone that would truly appreciate you! If we just skip by the homicidal tendencies, he would be such a gentle lover! I feel we would really appreciate your body and your appearances to the absolute maximum, I can definitely see Scar as someone who would constantly compliment you, especially if you are feeling pretty insecure one day! He was also love the you wear glasses; not because he likes people that where glasses, but only because you just look too damn cute in them!

He also hates people who are arrogant and mean manipulative to get what they want, so I feel you two could really bond on that! As for personality, I feel that Scar would compliment your stubbornness and cockiness. He will also the love the fact that you say what is on your mind, and can be a little sarcastic when you want to be! He thinks it is a little sexy to him, how you stand up for yourself and don’t take shit from nobody, even from him sometimes. He will see that you strong and independent when you need, but can also become very empathetic and cry tears of sadness for anything and anybody that has experienced anything bad in their life.

Scar is the same way when it comes to being verbally affectionate; he is really not good with words, but he is great with actions. So seeing as you are the same way as him, he will really appreciate and love the fact that you wouldn’t judge him for it! He will feel accepted around you, you will make him feel safe to be himself and show you his vulnerable side, so that he isn’t alone anymore, you will be there for him. When he needs to cry, you will be there to be his shoulder to cry on, you will be his crutch when he needs help standing up. He will love the fact that you give hugs and petnames; every time you call him something different in an affectionate way, it will go straight to his heart, and make him feel like he is walking on water or flying high up in the clouds.

This stoic demon will be the one for you! He will love how you look, though he hates human, he will make an exception for you! The most enthralling part he will find about you, is your hair and how curly it is. He will love how it looks if a breeze comes by and rustles it, making it move beautifully. As for physicals, he wouldn’t care much for it, all that matters is that you are strong and can take care of yourself without needing someone else’s help, for the most part! He will see that you are independent and can take no shit from anybody, and he will find that very admirable, and something he would definitely cherish in a lover.

He will love how sarcastic you are, and how on the other side of it you can be the nicest person, when they deserve it. He will see how emotional you can be, and how you can cry for anything and think it is very cute; charming in a way, since it is something that he can’t really understand. He will understand that you aren’t affectionate in the verbal sense, but more in the written and body language sense, and honestly, he would like that better then you constantly telling him how you feel about him. He would find that quite annoying.

He will see that sometimes you can be down on yourself, and he will try to make sure that you are okay, or will try to sheer you up. Key word, try, here. Most of the time he fails, but the efforts wouldn’t go unnoticed. It’s the effort that would help the most, because it shows that he cares and that he wants you happy and not so self loathing. He will try to tell you that you are much more than your insecurities and then list all the great things about you. And then once he was done, he will just walk away because, wow, that was embarrassing even more for him. He doesn’t usually go on rants like that. Especially to help someone.

But all in all, I feel Sesshomaru would be the perfect man, for you, since he has the same ideal as you, would love how you keep more to yourself in an introvert way, but at the same time can be super affectionate when you want to be. Someone who can teach him what it means to feel and have emotions. To cry when you feel sad and laugh when something is amusing to him. You are the one for him!

»»————-　♡　————-««

ᴊᴏᴇʏ ᴡʜᴇᴇʟᴇʀ

It’s to the absolute surprise of no one that initially meeting, you both don’t start off on the right foot. With how energetic and confrontational he can be, Joey isn’t necessarily the best when it comes to making friends quickly. Thus, the relationship you both have in the beginning starts off rocky.

With time though, and a lot of assurance from your friends and his friends, you both interact with one another properly in neutral terrain where you can both get to know one another without jumping the gun too quickly. It’s through this that Joey begins to slowly garner a crush for you. He loves your stubborn and rough minded self as it not only correlates well with his, but serves as a sort of reminder / signal to him that not only should he try to tone it down, but try to keep you from blowing up unnecessarily. Though this doesn’t work often as you both don’t hesitate to double team on someone with wit and sarcastic comebacks.

He loves your snark and your blunt way of speaking. As someone who never enjoyed it when people blatantly lied or beat around the bush with him, he appreciates the sharp honesty you provide for him. Though of course this won’t be one sided as he’ll be sure to give you his own thoughts and opinions.

Overall, Joey may be rough around the edges, but he’s loyal to a fault and won’t hesitate to help you overcome any obstacle. No matter how big or small. He’s adamant in becoming your boulder in those bouts of spells and will always remind you that no matter what he’ll be there for you.

#submissions #matchup #matchups #submission #inuyasha matchup #fullmetal alchemist matchup #yuigioh mtachup

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echodrops · 4 years

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Hshshsnansna seeing that ask got me in a HUGE HaaH mood. Like, I went through and read a bunch of asks, and I'd probably go reread the fic itself if I had time. So!! Is there anything about HaaH you've always wanted to share but never had the chance to? Headcanons, worldbuilding, backstory, hidden details- anything at all??

Oh friend… There is so much. I have a Word document that’s like 17k of JUST headcanons and world-building for this fic kghsdkjhdkfg I’m not crazy, I swear.

It took me a while to respond because I had to comb through and find stuff that wasn’t spoilery, but tada, have some Home and a Half Hunk and Shiro (and Matt) headcanons and backstory under the cut!

Also, as for hidden details… Same as the Garrison professors in the show were named for staff members, Neuhahn and Ania are named after IRL contributors to the Voltron animated series–Chris Neuhahn was a producer and Ania O’Hare was the casting director.

And here are some Hunk, Shiro, and sorta Matt headcanons/backstory that shapes their characters in HaaH. (Please note, these headcanons ignore absolutely everything from about season 6 of the actual show and on. I stopped watching Voltron after Season 6 because I just couldn’t handle the writing anymore. T_T)

Hunk:- He’s mixed ethnically, and although his parents are from Samoa, his family tree actually spans many different countries, mostly in Polynesia, including Tonga, but even places as far away as Malaysia.- His parents were converted to the LDS church by Mormon missionaries in Samoa. A few years before Hunk was born, his parents moved to Utah to be closer to the church, so Hunk has only ever been to Samoa once, on a vacation to visit family.- His first name is actually “Hyrum,” and until he met Lance at a Garrison-sponsored summer astro-camp when they were nine, everyone just called him by his real name.- Lance actually meant to call him “Incredible Hulk” at camp, butttt to nine-year-old Lance’s utter mortification, it came out “Incredible Hunk” instead. “Hunk” stuck.- He has a little sister who is even more sensitive than he is.

- Although Hunk’s parents originally agreed on the plan to move to America, after the family arrived, they experienced difficulty fitting in with the very selective Utah culture, and Hunk’s mother grew disenchanted with the church. Employment was difficult to find in their small, rural town, and Hunk’s parents both struggled with being isolated from their extended families. Tensions over whether or not to remain in America, as well as over money, led to some miserable fights that contributed to Hunk’s aversion to conflict when he was younger.

- Hunk sometimes had to play the role of family peacekeeper, working hard to make sure that his youngest sister wouldn’t notice the strain.

- Nevertheless, despite their share of troubles, the family is extremely close-knit. Hunk values his family and their opinions more than anything in any world.

- Which is how he ended up agreeing to go to Garrison, even when he really just wanted to help his parents kickstart the restaurant they were planning to open. His mother felt that working in a family restaurant, even if Hunk is a great cook, would squander his incredible academic and engineering talent (which Hunk thought of as just a hobby), so she begged him to go and continue his schooling instead. Hunk couldn’t say no to his mother, even if the thought of being shipped off into space terrified the living daylights out of him.

- Hunk doesn’t curse and is somewhat uncomfortable with people cursing, at least in front of him. Although Lance used to have a pretty colorful repertoire, when he learned that cursing made Hunk uncomfortable, he immediately adopted all of Hunk’s weird Utah replacements instead. “Holy crow” and “let’s kick some trash” are things they actually say seriously.

- Hunk is always down to cuddle and is never embarrassed by asking for or giving cuddles to anyone. He would 200% cuddle Shiro if he thought Shiro would let him. (Shiro would, in fact, let him.) Hunk’s favorite person on the team to cuddle is actually Keith, because Keith (who was taught to comply by Garrison scientists with all unexpected/unsolicited touch) will just sit obediently for hours letting Hunk hug out all his stress. Hunk knows that something is off about Keith’s behavior, but his leading theory—that Keith allows the hugs because he’s touch-starved—is unfortunately false.

- Hunk knows the lyrics to every Disney song EVER.

- And he’s like a dog with a bone when it comes to secrets. Once he discovers that someone’s keeping something under wraps, he goes a bit crazy with curiosity and cannot stop thinking about what they might be hiding. The rules of privacy go totally out the window when he gets like this, but time and again, Hunk’s adage that it’s always better to tell the truth bears itself out.

Shiro (and Matt?):

- Shiro is the only member of his immediate family whose first language was not Japanese. His grandparents on both sides immigrated to the US from Japan due to work transfers relatively late in life, when their own children, Shiro’s parents, were already young adults. As the first family child to be born in America, Shiro’s parents strongly emphasized the need to learn English well, which unfortunately resulted in Shiro being pushed away from learning Japanese when he was young. Even though he’s a capable conversationalist now, he’s struggled his whole life with regret over not learning the language when he was young and could have picked it up easier.

- There’s a running joke in his family that he’s actually an ogre in disguise, given that he is much taller than many of his other family members. Tradition demands that the first photo of every holiday gathering is a joke group shot in which Shiro’s posed so his entire head is outside the top frame of the picture.

- Shiro was mercilessly bullied as a child because of his height. The other children frequently suggested that he didn’t belong in their grade because he was too big and that the school must held him back multiple times for being dumb. (Shiro was never held back. In fact, he had excellent grades from kindergarten to the day he graduated from Garrison—and no, not because his parents forced him to study; in fact, throughout his schooling, they often ended up having to force Shiro to go to bed already instead.)

- On top of being teased for his looks, Shiro was naturally shy. He barely spoke, even to his teachers, and would stumble miserably if he was put on the spot in class, contributing further to the rumor that he was stupid.

- Shiro loved learning, but he hated everything that happened in school and didn’t have a single real friend outside of his cousins until he went off to middle school and met Matt Holt in sixth grade.

- Barely two weeks into their first middle school year, and it was already obvious that Matt was the school’s biggest nerd; he’d been bumped up two grades because of his obvious genius and was the textbook definition of an alien conspiracy theorist (It’s not a conspiracy if they’re REAL, guys!) But the strange thing was that no one bullied Matt—he was just so quick on the sarcastic (and biochemical) comebacks that teasing him wasn’t even worth it. Instead, the school’s resident assholes took it out on targets a little less likely to corrode their homework with miniature magnesium bombs—read as, they picked on polite, well-meaning Takashi Shirogane instead.

- Out of pity more than anything else, Matt finally stood up for Shiro one day and ran off the assholes. (It was not, as Mrs. Shirogane insists, with a home-made taser. It was not.) After something like that, well… You sort of feel obligated to befriend a guy, don’tcha?

- Becoming friends with Matt Holt transformed Shiro’s life. Even if Shiro wouldn’t originally speak up for himself, he was ferociously proud and supportive of his first real friend, and learning to be bold for Matt taught Shiro the value and meaning of standing up for not only others, but also himself. Being friends with someone as off-the-cuff and tricky as Matt helped Shiro grow more spontaneous, less self-conscious, and ultimately much more confident—even if, to this day, most of that confidence is still focused on helping others, rather than on being self-assured.

- It was Shiro admiration for Matt’s father, Sam Holt, that led Shiro to take his childhood obsession with military history a step further by actually joining the military. Shiro and Matt enrolled in Garrison together, although Matt was part of the research rather than the combat division.

- Matt was the one who convinced Shiro to get his hair styled in an undercut. It was originally just a dare, but Shiro ended up loving it afterward. The “Undercut Incident,” as it has come to be known in the Shirogane family, was the official straw that broke the camel’s back and resulted in Mrs. Shirogane declaring Matt Holt a “bad influence,” the only impact of which was that Matt had to sneak in through Shiro’s bedroom window instead of coming to the front door when he wanted to hang out.

- Shiro has received two separate Medals of Honor for making dangerous supply deliveries to war-torn countries across the globe, delivering the vital food and medicine that helped save hundreds of lives. He has also been part of several missions to save stranded astronauts from failing international space stations.

- Shiro is actually a giant memelord, but his crushing sense of responsibility keeps him from indulging in quality shitposting in front of anyone he actually knows. He had a ridiculously active secret Vine account before leaving on the Kerberos mission. His snaps are legendary. Deep down, Shiro dreads the inevitable day someone connects him with his cringey social media accounts.

- Literally the worst at adulting. His mom still filled out his tax forms for him and booked his dentist appointments. He has no idea what the hell he’s doing leading Team Voltron when he can’t even remember which of his clothes are machine-washable and which aren’t.

- When they were in their third year at Garrison, Matt conned Shiro into volunteering as a camp counselor for Garrison’s summer astrocamp program, even though Shiro had minimal understanding of how to take care of children and mostly just BS’d his way through, hoping that none of his campers had anything close to a serious issue.

- He won “best camp counselor” the very first year he volunteered. Mostly because Lance cheated and voted for him 23 times, but still.

#Home and a Half #HaaHVLD #voltron headcanons #Hunk headcanons #Shiro headcanons #Matt headcanons #I guess lol #matt holt #hunk voltron #takashi shirogane #Voltron

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justforbooks · 4 years

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Nausea (French: La Nausée) is a philosophical novel by the existentialist philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre, published in 1938. It is Sartre’s first novel and, in his opinion, one of his best works.

The novel takes place in ‘Bouville’ (literally, 'Mud town’) a town similar to Le Havre, and it concerns a dejected historian, who becomes convinced that inanimate objects and situations encroach on his ability to define himself, on his intellectual and spiritual freedom, evoking in the protagonist a sense of nausea.

French writer Simone de Beauvoir, Sartre’s lifelong partner, claims that La Nausée grants consciousness a remarkable independence and gives reality the full weight of its sense.

It is one of the canonical works of existentialism. Sartre was awarded, though he ultimately declined, the Nobel Prize for literature in 1964. The Nobel Foundation recognized him “for his work which, rich in ideas and filled with the spirit of freedom and the quest for truth, has exerted a far-reaching influence on our age.” Sartre was one of the few people to have declined the award, referring to it as merely a function of a bourgeois institution.

The novel has been translated into English at least twice, by Lloyd Alexander as “The Diary of Antoine Roquentin” (John Lehmann, 1949) and by Robert Baldick as “Nausea” (Penguin Books, 1965).

Written in the form of journal entries, it follows 30-year-old Antoine Roquentin who, returned from years of travel, settles in the fictional French seaport town of Bouville to finish his research on the life of an 18th-century political figure. But during the winter of 1932 a “sweetish sickness,” as he calls nausea, increasingly impinges on almost everything he does or enjoys: his research project, the company of an autodidact who is reading all the books in the local library alphabetically, a physical relationship with a café owner named Françoise, his memories of Anny, an English girl he once loved, even his own hands and the beauty of nature.

Over time, his disgust towards existence forces him into self-hatred and near-insanity. He embodies Sartre’s theories of existential angst, and he searches anxiously for meaning in all the things that had filled and fulfilled his life up to that point. But finally Antoine comes to a revelation into the nature of his being when he faces the troublesomely provisional and limited nature of existence itself.

In his resolution at the end of the book he accepts the indifference of the physical world to man’s aspirations. He is able to see that realization not only as a regret but also as an opportunity. People are free to make their own meaning: a freedom that is also a responsibility, because without that commitment there will be no meaning.

Antoine Roquentin – The protagonist of the novel, Antoine is a former adventurer who has been living in Bouville for three years. Antoine does not keep in touch with family, and has no friends. He is a loner at heart and often likes to listen to other people’s conversations and examine their actions. Even though he at times admits to trying to find some sort of solace in the presence of others, he also exhibits signs of boredom and lack of interest when interacting with people. His relationship with Françoise is mostly hygienic in nature, for the two hardly exchange words and, when invited by the Self-Taught Man to accompany him for lunch, he agrees only to write in his diary later that: “I had as much desire to eat with him as I had to hang myself.” He can afford not to work, but spends a lot of his time writing a book about a French politician of the eighteenth century. Antoine does not think highly of himself: “The faces of others have some sense, some direction. Not mine. I cannot even decide whether it is handsome or ugly. I think it is ugly because I have been told so.” When he starts suffering from the Nausea he feels the need to talk to Anny, but when he finally does, it makes no difference to his condition. He eventually starts to think he does not even exist: “My existence was beginning to cause me some concern. Was I a mere figment of the imagination?”

Anny – Anny is an English woman who was once Antoine’s lover. After meeting with him, Anny makes it clear that she has changed a considerable amount and must go on with her life. Antoine clings to the past, hoping that she may want to redefine their relationship, but he is ultimately rejected by her.

Ogier P., generally referred to as “the self-taught man” or the Autodidact – An acquaintance of Antoine’s, he is a bailiff’s clerk who lives for the pursuit of knowledge and love of humanity. Highly disciplined, he has spent hundreds of hours reading at the local library. He often speaks to Roquentin and confides in him that he is a Socialist.

Like many Modernist novels, La Nausée is a “city-novel,” encapsulating experience within the city. It is widely assumed that “Bouville” in the novel is a fictional portrayal of Le Havre, where Sartre was living and teaching in the 1930s as he wrote it.

The critic William V. Spanos has used Sartre’s novel as an example of “negative capability,” a presentation of the uncertainty and dread of human existence, so strong that the imagination cannot comprehend it.

The Cambridge Companion to the French Novel places La Nausée in a tradition of French activism: “Following on from Malraux, Sartre, Beauvoir, and Camus among others were all able to use the writing of novels as a powerful tool of ideological exploration.” Although novelists like Sartre claim to be in rebellion against the 19th Century French novel, “they in fact owe a great deal both to its promotion of the lowly and to its ambiguous or 'poetic’ aspects.”

In his What Is Literature?, Sartre wrote, “On the one hand, the literary object has no substance but the reader’s subjectivity … But, on the other hand, the words are there like traps to arouse our feelings and to reflect them towards us … Thus, the writer appeals to the reader’s freedom to collaborate in the production of the work.”

The novel is an intricate formal achievement modeled on much 18th-century fiction that was presented as a “diary discovered among the papers of…”

Hayden Carruth wonders if there are not unrecognized layers of irony and humor beneath the seriousness of Nausea: “Sartre, for all his anguished disgust, can play the clown as well, and has done so often enough: a sort of fool at the metaphysical court.”

Like many modernist authors, Sartre, when young, loved popular novels in preference to the classics and claimed in his autobiography that it was from them, rather than from the balanced phrases of Chateaubriand that he had his “first encounters with beauty.”

Sartre described the stream of consciousness technique as one method of moving the novel from the era of Newtonian Physics forward into the era of Einstein’s theory of general relativity. He saw this as crucial because he felt that “narrative technique ultimately takes us back to the metaphysics of the novelist.” He wanted his novelistic techniques to be compatible with his theories on the existential freedom of the individual as well as his phenomenological analyses of the unstable, shifting structures of consciousness.

Disdaining 19th-century notions that character development in novels should obey and reveal psychological law, La Nausée treats such notions as bourgeois bad faith, ignoring the contingency and inexplicability of life.

From the psychological point of view Antoine Roquentin could be seen as an individual suffering from depression, and the nausea itself as one of the symptoms of his condition. Unemployed, living in deprived conditions, lacking human contact, being trapped in fantasies about the 18th century secret agent he is writing the book about, shows Sartre’s oeuvre as a follow-up of Dostoevsky’s Crime and Punishment and Rilke’s The Notebooks of Malte Laurids Brigge in search of the precise description of schizophrenia. Rilke’s character anticipates Sartre’s.

Roquentin’s problem is not simply depression or mental illness, although his experience has pushed him to that point. Sartre presents Roquentin’s difficulties as arising from man’s inherent existential condition. His seemingly special circumstances (returning from travel, reclusiveness), which goes beyond the mere indication of his very real depression, are supposed to induce in him (and in the reader) a state that makes one more receptive to noticing an existential situation that everyone has, but may not be sensitive enough to let become noticeable. Roquentin undergoes a strange metaphysical experience that estranges him from the world. His problems are not merely a result of personal insanity, without larger significance. Rather, like the characters in the Dostoevsky and Rilke novels, they are victims of larger ideological, social, and existential forces that have brought them to the brink of insanity. Sartre’s point in Nausea is to comment on our universal reaction to these common external problems.

Hayden Carruth wrote in 1959 of the way that “Roquentin has become a familiar of our world, one of those men who, like Hamlet or Julien Sorel, live outside the pages of the books in which they assumed their characters… . It is scarcely possible to read seriously in contemporary literature, philosophy, or psychology without encountering references to Roquentin’s confrontation with the chestnut tree, for example, which is one of the sharpest pictures ever drawn of self-doubt and metaphysical anguish.”

Certainly, Nausea gives us a few of the clearest and hence most useful images of man in our time that we possess; and this, as Allen Tate has said, is the supreme function of art.

Criticism of Sartre’s novels frequently centered on the tension between the philosophical and political on one side versus the novelistic and individual on the other.

Ronald Aronson describes the reaction of Albert Camus, still in Algeria and working on his own first novel, L’Étranger. At the time of the novel’s appearance, Camus was a reviewer for an Algiers left-wing daily. Camus told a friend that he “thought a lot about the book” and it was “a very close part of me.” In his review, Camus wrote, “the play of the toughest and most lucid mind are at the same time both lavished and squandered.” Camus felt that each of the book’s chapters, taken by itself, “reaches a kind of perfection in bitterness and truth.” However, he also felt that the descriptive and the philosophical aspects of the novel are not balanced, that they “don’t add up to a work of art: the passage from one to the other is too rapid, too unmotivated, to evoke in the reader the deep conviction that makes the art of the novel.” He likewise felt that Sartre had tipped the balance too far in depicting the repugnant features of mankind “instead of placing the reasons for his despair, at least to a certain degree, if not completely, on the elements of human greatness.” Still, Camus’s largely positive review led to a friendship between the two authors.

G.J. Mattey, a philosopher rather than a novelist like Camus, flatly describes Nausea and others of Sartre’s literary works as “practically philosophical treatises in literary form.”

In distinction both from Camus’s feeling that Nausea is an uneasy marriage of novel and philosophy and also from Mattey’s belief that it is a philosophy text, the philosopher William Barrett, in his book Irrational Man, expresses an opposite judgment. He writes that Nausea “may well be Sartre’s best book for the very reason that in it the intellectual and the creative artist come closest to being conjoined.” Barrett says that, in other literary works and in his literary criticism, Sartre feels the pull of ideas too strongly to respond to poetry, “which is precisely that form of human expression in which the poet—and the reader who would enter the poet’s world—must let Being be, to use Heidegger’s phrase and not attempt to coerce it by the will to action or the will to intellectualization.”

The poet Hayden Carruth agrees with Barrett, whom he quotes, about Nausea. He writes firmly that Sartre, “is not content, like some philosophers, to write fable, allegory, or a philosophical tale in the manner of Candide; he is content only with a proper work of art that is at the same time a synthesis of philosophical specifications.”

Barrett feels that Sartre as a writer is best when “the idea itself is able to generate artistic passion and life.”

Steven Ungar compares Nausea with French novels of different periods, such as Madame de Lafayette La Princesse de Clèves (1678), Honoré de Balzac Le Père Goriot (1835), André Malraux La Condition humaine (1933), and Annie Ernaux Une femme (1988), all of which have scenes with men and women faced with choices and “provide literary expressions to concerns with personal identity that vary over time more in detail than in essence.”

A main theme in La Nausée is that life is meaningless unless a person makes personal commitments that give it meaning. William Barrett emphasizes that the despair and disgust in Nausea contrast with the total despair of Céline (who is quoted on the flyleaf of the French edition) that leads to nothing; rather, they are a necessary personal recognition that eventuate in “a release from disgust into heroism.”

Barrett adds that, “like Adler’s, Sartre’s is fundamentally a masculine psychology; it misunderstands and disparages the psychology of woman. The humanity of man consists in the For-itself, the masculine component by which we choose, make projects, and generally commit ourselves to a life of action. The element of masculine protest, to use Adler’s term, is strong throughout Sartre’s writings … the disgust … of Roquentin, in Nausea, at the bloated roots of the chestnut tree …”

Mattey elaborates further on the positive, redeeming aspect of the seemingly bleak, frustrating themes of existentialism that are so apparent in Nausea: “Sartre considered the subjectivity of the starting-point for what a human is as a key thesis of existentialism. The starting-point is subjective because humans make themselves what they are. Most philosophers consider subjectivity to be a bad thing, particularly when it comes to the motivation for action… . Sartre responds by claiming that subjectivity is a dignity of human being, not something that degrades us.” Therefore, the characteristic anguish and forlornness of existentialism are temporary: only a prerequisite to recognizing individual responsibility and freedom. The basis of ethics is not rule-following. A specific action may be either wrong or right and no specific rule is necessarily valid. What makes the action, either way, ethical is “authenticity,” the willingness of the individual to accept responsibility rather than dependence on rules, and to commit to his action. Despair, the existentialist says, is the product of uncertainty: being oriented exclusively to the outcome of a decision rather than to the process yields uncertainty, as we cannot decide the future, only our action.

In his “Introduction” to the American edition of Nausea, the poet and critic Hayden Carruth feels that, even outside those modern writers who are explicitly philosophers in the existentialist tradition, a similar vein of thought is implicit but prominent in a main line through Franz Kafka, Miguel de Unamuno, D. H. Lawrence, André Malraux, and William Faulkner. Carruth says:

'Suffering is the origin of consciousness,’ Dostoevsky wrote. But suffering is everywhere in the presence of thought and sensitivity. Sartre for his part has written, and with equal simplicity: 'Life begins on the other side of despair.’

Sartre has written, “What is meant … by saying that existence precedes essence? It means that, first of all, man exists, turns up, appears on the scene, and only afterwards defines himself. If man, as the existentialist conceives of him, is undefinable, it is only because he is nothing. Only afterwards will he be something, and he will have made what he will be.”

If things—and also people—are contingent, if they “just are,” then we are free and we create ourselves solely through our decisions and choices.

David Drake mentions that, in Nausea, Sartre gives several kinds of examples of people whose behavior shows bad faith, who are inauthentic: members of the bourgeoisie who believe their social standing or social skills give them a “right” to exist, or others who embrace the banality of life and attempt to flee from freedom by repeating empty gestures, others who live by perpetuating past versions of themselves as they were or who live for the expectations of others, or those who claim to have found meaning in politics, morality, or ideology.

In simply narrative terms, Roquentin’s nausea arises from his near-complete detachment from other people, his not needing much interaction with them for daily necessities: “the fact of his alienation from others is important; as his own work ceases to entertain and to occupy him, Roquentin has nothing that could distract him from the business of existing in its simplest forms.” As a practical matter, he could solve his problem by getting a job; but, as a device for developing the novel’s theme, his aloneness is a way of making him (and the reader) recognize that there is nothing inherent in the objective nature of the world that would give any necessary meaning to whatever actions he chose, and therefore nothing to restrict his freedom. “[H]is perception of the world around him becomes unstable as objects are disengaged from their usual frames of reference,” and he is forced to recognize that freedom is inescapable and that therefore creating a meaning for his life is his own responsibility. “Nothing makes us act the way we do, except our own personal choice.”

“But,” David Clowney writes, “freedom is frightening, and it is easier to run from it into the safety of roles and realities that are defined by society, or even by your own past. To be free is to be thrown into existence with no "human nature” as an essence to define you, and no definition of the reality into which you are thrown, either. To accept this freedom is to live “authentically”; but most of us run from authenticity. In the most ordinary affairs of daily life, we face the challenge of authentic choice, and the temptation of comfortable inauthenticity. All of Roquentin’s experiences are related to these themes from Sartre’s philosophy.“

Genius is what a man invents when he is looking for a way out.

During the Second World War, the experience of Sartre and others in the French Resistance to the Nazi occupation of France emphasized political activism as a form of personal commitment. This political dimension was developed in Sartre’s later trilogy of novels, Les Chemins de la Liberté (The Roads to Freedom) (1945–1949), which concern a vicious circle of failure on the part of a thinking individual to progress effectively from thought to action. Finally, for Sartre, political commitment became explicitly Marxist.

In 1945, Sartre gave a lecture in New York that was printed in Vogue in July of that year. In it he recast his prewar works, such as Nausea into politically committed works appropriate to the postwar era.

Marxism was not, in any case, always as appreciative of Sartre as he was of it. Mattey describes their objections:

Marxism was a very potent political and philosophical force in France after its liberation from the Nazi occupation. Marxist thinkers tend to be very ideological and to condemn in no uncertain terms what they regard to be rival positions. They found existentialism to run counter to their emphasis on the solidarity of human beings and their theory of material (economic) determinism. The subjectivity that is the starting point of existentialism seemed to the Marxists to be foreign to the objective character of economic conditions and to the goal of uniting the working classes in order to overthrow the bourgeoise capitalists. If one begins with the reality of the "I think,” one loses sight of what really defines the human being (according to the Marxists), which is their place in the economic system. Existentialism’s emphasis on individual choice leads to contemplation, rather than to action. Only the bourgeoise have the luxury to make themselves what they are through their choices, so existentialism is a bourgeoise philosophy.

Sartre was influenced at the time by the philosophy of Edmund Husserl and his phenomenological method. He received a stipend from the Institut Français, allowing him to study in Berlin with Husserl and Martin Heidegger in 1932, as he began writing the novel.

Roy Elveton reports:

In January, 1939, one year after the death of Edmund Husserl, Sartre published a short essay entitled 'Husserl’s Central Idea.’ In the space of a few paragraphs, Sartre rejects the epistemology of Descartes and the neo-Kantians and their view of consciousness’s relationship to the world. Consciousness is not related to the world by virtue of a set of mental representations and acts of mental synthesis that combine such representations to provide us with our knowledge of the external world. Husserl’s intentional theory of consciousness provides the only acceptable alternative: 'Consciousness and the world are immediately given together: the world, essentially external to consciousness, is essentially related to it.’ The only appropriate image for intentionality and our knowing relationship to the world is that of an 'explosion’: 'to know is to “explode” toward’ an object in the world, an object 'beyond oneself, over there…towards that which is not oneself…out of oneself.’

Following Husserl, Sartre views absurdity as a quality of all existing objects (and of the material world collectively), independent of any stance humans might take with respect to them. Our consciousness of an object does not inhere in the object itself. Thus in the early portions of the novel, Roquentin, who takes no attitude towards objects and has no stake in them, is totally estranged from the world he experiences. The objects themselves, in their brute existence, have only participation in a meaningless flow of events: they are superfluous. This alienation from objects casts doubt for him, in turn, on his own validity and even his own existence.

Roquentin says of physical objects that, for them, “to exist is simply to be there.” When he has the revelation at the chestnut tree, this “fundamental absurdity” of the world does not go away. What changes then is his attitude. By recognizing that objects won’t supply meaning in themselves, but people must supply it for them – that Roquentin himself must create meaning in his own life – he becomes both responsible and free. The absurdity becomes, for him, “the key to existence.”

Victoria Best writes:

Language proves to be a fragile barrier between Roquentin and the external world, failing to refer to objects and thus place them in a scheme of meaning. Once language collapses it becomes evident that words also give a measure of control and superiority to the speaker by keeping the world at bay; when they fail in this function, Roquentin is instantly vulnerable, unprotected.

Thus, although, in some senses, Sartre’s philosophy in Nausea derives from Husserl and ultimately from René Descartes, the strong role he gives to the contingent randomness of physical objects contrasts with their commitment to the role of necessity. (Elveton mentions that, unknown to Sartre, Husserl himself was developing the same ideas, but in manuscripts that remained unpublished.)

Ethan Kleinberg writes that, more than Husserl, it was Martin Heidegger who appealed to Sartre’s sense of radical individualism. He says, “for Sartre, the question of being was always and only a question of personal being. The dilemma of the individual confronting the overwhelming problem of understanding the relationship of consciousness to things, of being to things, is the central focus” of Nausea. Eventually, “in his reworking of Husserl, Sartre found himself coming back to the themes he had absorbed from Heidegger’s Was ist Metaphysik?” Nausea was a prelude to Sartre’s sustained attempt to follow Heidegger’s Sein und Zeit by analyzing human experience as various ontological modes, or ways of being in the world.

In 1937, just as Sartre was finishing Nausea and getting it to press, he wrote an essay, The Transcendence of the Ego. He still agreed with Husserl that consciousness is “about” objects or, as they say, it “intends” them – rather than forming within itself a duplicate, an inner representation of an outward object. The material objects of consciousness (or “objects of intention”) exist in their own right, independent and without any residue accumulating in them from our awareness of them. However, the new idea in this essay was that Sartre now differed in also believing that the person’s ego itself is also “in the world,” an object of consciousness to be discovered, rather than the totally known subject of consciousness. In the novel, not only Roquentin’s consciousness but his own body also becomes objectified in his new, alarming perception.

And so Sartre parted company with Husserl over the latter’s belief in a transcendent ego, which Sartre believed instead was neither formally nor materially in consciousness, but outside it: in the world.

This seemingly technical change fit with Sartre’s native predisposition to think of subjectivity as central: a conscious person is always immersed in a world where his or her task is to make himself concrete. A “person” is not an unchanging, central essence, but a fluid construct that continually re-arises as an interaction among a person’s consciousness, his physiology and history, the material world, and other people. This view itself supported Sartre’s vision of people as fundamentally both doomed and free to live lives of commitment and creativity.

As Søren Kierkegaard, the earliest existentialist, wrote: 'I must find a truth that is true for me … the idea for which I can live or die.’

La Nausée allows Sartre to explain his philosophy in simplified terms. Roquentin is the classic existentialist hero whose attempts to pierce the veil of perception lead him to a strange combination of disgust and wonder. For the first part of the novel, Roquentin has flashes of nausea that emanate from mundane objects. These flashes appear seemingly randomly, from staring at a crumpled piece of paper in the gutter to picking up a rock on the beach. The feeling he perceives is pure disgust: a contempt so refined that it almost shatters his mind each time it occurs. As the novel progresses, the nausea appears more and more frequently, though he is still unsure of what it actually signifies. However, at the base of a chestnut tree in a park, he receives a piercingly clear vision of what the nausea actually is. Existence itself, the property of existence to be something rather than nothing was what was slowly driving him mad. He no longer sees objects as having qualities such as color or shape. Instead, all words are separated from the thing itself, and he is confronted with pure being.

Carruth points out that the antipathy of the existentialists to formal ethical rules brought them disapproval from moral philosophers concerned with traditional schemes of value. On the other hand, analytical philosophers and logical positivists were “outraged by Existentialism’s willingness to abandon rational categories and rely on non mental processes of consciousness.”

Additionally, Sartre’s philosophy of existentialism is opposed to a certain kind of rationalistic humanism. Upon the confession of the Self-Taught Man as to being a member of the S.F.I.O., a French Socialist party, Roquentin quickly engages him in a Socratic dialogue to expose his inconsistencies as a humanist. Roquentin first points out how his version of humanism remains unaffiliated to a particular party or group so as to include or value all of mankind. However, he then notes how the humanist nonetheless caters his sympathy with a bias towards the humble portion of mankind. Roquentin continues to point out further discrepancies of how one humanist may favor an audience of laughter while another may enjoy the somber funeral. In dialogue, Roquentin challenges the Self-Taught Man to show a demonstrable love for a particular, tangible person rather than a love for the abstract entity attached to that person (i.e. the idea of Youth in a young man). In short, he concludes that such humanism naively attempts to “melt all human attitudes into one.” More importantly, to disavow humanism does not constitute “anti-humanism”.

The kind of humanism Sartre found unacceptable, according to Mattey, is one that denies the primacy of individual choice… . But there is another conception of humanism implicit in existentialism. This is one that emphasizes the ability of individual human beings to transcend their individual circumstances and act on behalf of all humans. The fact is, Sartre maintains, that the only universe we have is a human universe, and the only laws of this universe are made by humans.“

In his Sartre biography, David Drake writes, Nausea was on the whole well received by the critics and the success of Sartre the novelist served to enhance the reputation he had started to enjoy as a writer of short stories and philosophical texts, mostly on perception.”

Although his earlier essays did not receive much attention, Nausea and the collection of stories The Wall, swiftly brought him recognition.

Carruth writes that, on publication, “it was condemned, predictably, in academic circles, but younger readers welcomed it, and it was far more successful than most first novels.”

Sartre originally titled the novel Melancholia. Simone de Beauvoir referred to it as his “factum on contingency.” He composed it from 1932 to 1936. He had begun it during his military service and continued writing at Le Havre and in Berlin.

Ethan Kleinberg reports:

Sartre went to study in Berlin for the academic year 1933. While in Berlin, Sartre did not take any university courses or work with Husserl or Heidegger. Sartre’s time seems to have been spent reading Husserl and working on the second draft of Nausea.

Drake confirms this account.

The manuscript was subsequently typed. It was at first refused by the Nouvelle Revue Française (N.R.F.), despite a strong recommendation from their reviewer, Jean Paulhan. In 1937, however, the imprint’s publisher, Gaston Gallimard accepted it and suggested the title La Nausée.

Brice Parain, the editor, asked for numerous cuts of material that was either too populist or else too sexual to avoid an action for indecency. Sartre deleted the populist material, which was not natural to him, with few complaints, because he wanted to be published by the prestigious N.R.F., which had a strong, if vague, house style. However, he stood fast on the sexual material which he felt was an artistically necessary hallucinatory ingredient.

Michel Contat has examined the original typescript and feels that, “if ever Melancholia is published as its author had originally intended it, the novel will no doubt emerge as a work which is more composite, more baroque and perhaps more original than the version actually published.”

Daily inspiration. Discover more photos at http://justforbooks.tumblr.com

#JUST FOR BOOKS #Jean-Paul Sartre #La Nausée

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dyspfanblog · 4 years

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Post #133 – Could Yui from K-ON! have Dyspraxia?

Welcoming Yui!

Yui from K-On! is the newest addition to my on-going ‘potential dyspraxic character’ project. It’s been a while since I’ve done a potential dyspraxic analysis, although not from a lack of content, just Yui zoomed straight to the top of the list. For starters, Yui is a character I consider to be a strong contender for the potential dyspraxic title. Then there’s the point that I finished ‘K-On!’ fairly recently so felt I should get my thoughts out while it’s still in my head! Plus I wanted to do something light because these recent months have been tough, both personally and globally. Got to be honest though, you can’t get much more light-hearted than K-On!!

Originally, this post was going to be fairly short, however as I looked into Yui as a character more and more talking points seemed to sprout up! I’ve gone ahead and added her profile to the Potential Dyspraxic Character page and simply listed everything out if you rather a quick reference version. Link is at the bottom of this page.

Potential Dyspraxic Characters

For those unfamiliar with my blog, just a quick sum up what this is all about. This kind of post is for me to show how I perceive certain characters and the possibility that they could be dyspraxic. We have unique ways of connecting with fictional characters and sometimes we can relate to them in unusual ways. Seeing as dyspraxia is a combination of certain human traits, it means there’s a possible that characters may end up with a ‘dyspraxic combination’ purely by accident. In no way is this trying to discredit the original creation, but to see them in an alternative light. Take this, and any of my analyses, with a pinch of salt.

DISCLAIMER: With these character profiles I may bring up key-points and moments from their franchise, so potential minor spoilers ahead! Also as I’ve only seen the anime this analysis will leave out anything exclusive to the manga.

Yui and K-ON!

‘K-On!‘ is a popular slice-of-life manga revolving around the lives of the Light Music Club’s members, that got an anime adaptation. The anime has spanned several seasons, specials, spin-offs, a movie, and a library of music to date. For what this post is worth, if you want something light-hearted to get absorbed into then I highly recommend K-On! to you.

Could Yui Hirasawa be Dyspraxic?

Yui Hirasawa is the protagonist of ‘K-On!’; she is a member of the Light Music Club and the band Ho-kago Tea Time (After-School Tea Time). She is the lead guitarist and lead vocalist for the band. On the outside, Yui is your classic ditsy anime character; she’s easily distracted, sometimes forgetful, and gets into little accidents frequently. With other dyspraxic-type traits revealing themselves, it got the gears in my head turning and it simply clicked together for me that Yui could well have dyspraxia.

Co-Ordination and Clumsiness

Yui is really clumsy and has the habit of falling over, dropping things, tripping up, and bumping into people and objects. Over the course of the series, Yui shows she has balance issues. especially when she’s carrying something, like a tray of mugs or something bulky like a speaker. She’s a messy eater too as seen on a few occasions. On top of this, Yui sometimes has other slight issues with gross motor co-ordination.

On the flip-side, when it comes to fine motor skills Yui doesn’t have any real issues with it. After all, she has a certain talent for playing guitar.

Oh Yui, I feel your pain!

Thought and Memory

Given that Yui’s short-term memory is awful and couple it with the fact she gets distracted ever so easily and you have a perfect recipe for disaster! When she learns something new, it often pushes something she memorised previously out of her head.

Yui’s time-keeping is pretty bad, although a few times she misread her alarm clock and arrived at school incredibly early. The first occurrence happens in the first episode where she even got distracted along the way…twice! The people around her have picked up on her unorthodox time-keeping skills and easily distracted nature, so it is fair to conclude this is a common occurrence for Yui.

Yui is quite forgetful too; whether it’s forgetting to do her homework or leaving her guitar at home on the day of a concert, she certainly doesn’t discriminate against what to forget! She struggles to remember music terminology and plays using intuition and her self-taught approach. Similarly, many people with dyspraxia find their own ways to learn and achieve when conventional ways are too difficult. At some point in the series she lost a mitten too, because of course she did!

Yui struggles with multi-tasking and this is something that others are well aware of. At first, she found it impossible to sing and play her guitar simultaneously. Although, after some 1-2-1 tutoring she was finally able to crack it, but still has difficulty to do both sometimes.

A line extracted from her Wiki Bio: “She cannot do more than one thing at a time, but to make up for that she can be highly focused on a particular subject and once started, can advance quite substantially.”

When it comes to her academic abilities, Yui struggles tremendously with it. In one exam, she was the only one in her class to fail and had to retake it. With effort and support from her friends and sister she passed it second time around. However, not only did she pass it, but she absolutely aced it! While this alone isn’t exactly a dyspraxic trait, it embodies the spirit of dyspraxia quite nicely; especially when the other factors of Yui are taken into account.

Despite being viewed as stupid and an air-head, Yui is really observant and alert. A few times, she realises an issue before anybody else has.

We get a little bit of extra character building in K-On!’s spin-off series, ‘Ura-On!’. In one episode, we see that Yui gets lost easily and judging by her personality it wouldn’t be surprising if this is actually the case. I am unsure if ‘Ura-On!’ is canon or not, but it does seem faithful to the characters, so I’m going to count it.

Perception of Senses

Yui has an aversion to both hot and cold temperatures and can’t deal with them very well. She’s also sensitive to air-conditioning units. Quote from Yui: “I’m scared of hot and cold. In winter, I hide under the heating table and in summer, I lie in bed and do nothing.”

As mentioned previously, her spatial awareness is something she struggles with as she does bumps into people and objects pretty often.

Something to note: Yui has the rare gift of having ‘perfect pitch’. Wikipedia states it as: “Absolute pitch (AP), often called perfect pitch, is a rare ability of a person to identify or re-create a given musical note without the benefit of a reference tone”. Wikipedia then goes on to state: “There is evidence of a higher rate of absolute pitch in the autistic population.” Dyspraxia and autism have overlaps, so there could be more to Yui than at first glance. In short, this helps solidifies an autistic side which by proxy, helps to cement a dyspraxic side.

For the Wikipedia page on ‘Absolute pitch’ click here

Emotion and Behaviour

Yui has difficulty controlling her emotions and can get overwhelmed easily. Even with positive news she can struggle processing it and have a mental overload. She can get overwhelmed if she has too much information to process, which can lead to an emotional breakdown. The Light Music Club members understand she has this difficulty and do their best for her. Mainly by explaining things to her in a way she’ll understand and also help calm her down when she has a meltdown.

Yui dozes off often as she does get tired fairly quickly. Although, there are times where she’ll go to bed late due to getting absorbed into practising guitar or revising. Additionally, she can have a short attention span and she gets distracted easily.

Yui has some social awkwardness to her and I think she struggles at picking up on non-verbal cues, like on some occasions taking jokes literally and sarcasm can fly over her head. Also, Yui sometimes hugs a little too hard because she lets her emotions get the better of her, but there is a possibility that there’s a co-ordination difficulty at work too.

Speech and Language

Sometimes Yui gets stuck for words and stutters, which is a link back into her getting overwhelmed. She has shown that sometimes she can get words mixed up too. These issues don’t crop up too often though.

Yui Overall

Yui has a strong connection to dyspraxia and in my opinion scores incredibly favourable overall. In fact, she tops the list! Yui’s prominent clumsiness, getting easily overwhelmed, and a pure heart make her a character that those with dyspraxia can probably relate to quite easily. While she can lose interest easily and gets distracted even easier, with the right help or push she can, and does, succeed. While it would seem no one has brought up a possibility of Yui having dyspraxia online, at least as far as I can tell, some people have raised the idea that she could be on the autism spectrum and/or have ADHD. With certain overlaps it isn’t a stretch to believe that she could be dyspraxic too.

Yui is an embodiment of Dyspraxic Fantastic at its core and holds a certain spirit of dyspraxia. What sets her apart from other characters on my list is a certain depth and richness to her character.

And to wrap this post up, a nice sentimental quote from Yui: “To the me back then, you don’t need to worry. You’ll soon find something you can do, something you can set your heart on.”

Thanks for reading this post and please check out some of the links below for more information.

Extra Reading

Dyspraxic Characters Encyclopedia

Dyspraxic Characters Project Post

Yui Wiki Fandom Page

K-ON! Home Site

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alphawave-writes · 4 years

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Evil actions and good intentions final chapter: ‘Gravitationally locked’

Synopsis: In the aftermaths of the final battle, Harold reflects on the future of himself, Overwatch, and the world.

Read it here or find it on AO3. You can find me on twitter @alphawave13 or on my Sigrold discord server.

It’s been a wild ride writing this. This story didn’t turn out the way I initially planned, but I think that’s a good thing. Change, I think, is the biggest thing about this story, especially in how Sigma and Harold grow as people. I’m probably gonna stick to one shots from now on while I recover from long fic fatigue.

It really means the world to me that you guys supported me as much as you did throughout this journey. I got fanart, and more fanfics, and a Sigrold week, and a lot more smut than I expected, and I’m so glad I contributed as much as I did. It’s not goodbye, just a farewell for now. So thanks for reading, and thanks for all the space dads. In Harold Winston’s famous words: Never accept the world as it appears to be. Dare to see it for what it could be.

For many different reasons Overwatch doesn’t put Harold on missions. His leg still needs time to heal, that is the most immediate excuse, but in truth the mission to Horizon had made some things complicated. Namely, the fact that Dr. Harold Winston is legally dead for the second time in a row. And honestly, Harold has had his fill of excitement for the time being. Action-packed fighting and running is all well and good, but he’s not built for it. Still, there's no way he can't be involved, so Winston convinces him to becomes a handler during the missions. If he’s honest with himself, he’s good at it. He keeps calm under pressure and he’s able to pick out the little details in the grainy surveillance data. Surveillance work like this isn’t too different from the work he did decades ago in Horizon. The difference is that it'll help the lives of many, rather than a few gorillas and some uptight Horizon scientists.

Siebren insists that being a handler is Harold's true calling, and he wants to agree, but he’s sure sooner or later he’ll feel that itch, that desire to help people more directly, to be there with the other Overwatch members in the thick of it. Until then, he’ll stay here and do what he's good at.

With a few exceptions, Siebren doesn’t go on missions either. He’s continuing his research into gravity and the nature of his powers, which has now expanded to include wormholes. Symmetra is helping him out on that matter in the hopes that perhaps his work could be incorporated into her hard light teleporter. It is a little bit of a shame he doesn’t go on more missions, because Harold always likes the way Siebren looks in his armour, especially the way that harness of his digs perfectly into his thighs. Then again, given the choice, he’d vastly prefer Siebren not wear his sexy armour and stick around the base. Who else is going to push his wheelchair and dote on him?

From the outside, there is the impression that Watchpoint: Gibraltar is having one of its slow days. An insider like Harold, however, knows that it’s never not busy. On his end alone, he’s been reading and re-reading his original research into his nanobots, searching for ways to improve the design. If he’s not doing that, he’s souping up his wheelchair with Torbjörn and Reinhardt to make it fly, and if he’s not doing that, he’s doing physical therapy with Mercy and Genji. And on the few instances he has free time, it’s usually spent with someone else. Often times it’s with Winston or Siebren. Occasionally it’s with Tracer or Mei or Sojourn.

Today, however, he’s expecting someone else. Someone he’s spent a lot of time tracking down and a lot more time convincing to come over.

At the edge of the base, a mech in the shape of a sphere rolls over, moving to a sudden stop in front of Harold. Siebren is holding onto the bars of Harold’s wheelchair, shaking his head incredulously while Winston laughs happily. The top of the mech pops open, revealing a large hamster wearing a small vest. The hamster waves.

“Hammond, it’s good to see you,” Winston says.

Hammond makes a series of squeaks. After seeing the blank stares from Harold and Siebren, he rolls his eyes audibly, and then punches something on the console of his mech. “THE HAMSTER IS HAPPY TO SEE YOU ALL TOO.��

Harold grins proudly. “I’ve heard you’ve been up to some trouble while I was gone.”

Hammond makes some discontent squeaks, eyebrows rising in surprise and shame. He crosses his arms and turns his head to the side with a huff.

“A pity," Harold smirks. "I’ve been looking forward to see what kind of trouble you can make with us. What do you say, little guy?”

Hamond makes a questioning squeak to Winston, who nods his head. His little cheeks bunches up into a wide smirk as he makes a series of confident squeaks. “THIS SMALL MAMMAL WILL SHOW YOU WHAT KIND OF TROUBLE HE CAN GET UP TO.”

Siebren is still shaking his head. "This little rascal is going to be the end of me."

Hammond proves himself to be a rebellious little creature, and has a lot of fun messing with others while he’s not in his mech. Aside from Siebren, Harold, and Winston, no one else seems to have caught on that the pilot of Wrecking Ball is a genetically enhanced hamster. When he’s not working on his mech, he revels in pranking the others. His favourite victim is Torbjörn, moving things around in his workplace and modifying his gadgets so they work differently. No one questions the strange ball mech becoming a new member of the reformed Overwatch, and no one ever asks about Wrecking Ball’s true identity. Soon, Hammond becomes a member of this strange interspecies family, albeit a rebellious one who very much doesn’t like to be showered with affection. In other words, typical behaviour not unlike that of a human teenager.

If Siebren has any opinions about suddenly being a father figure to a hamster and a gorilla, he doesn’t say anything. Privately, Harold thinks Siebren is beginning to like the strange new relationships he’s forming, not that he’d ever say it out loud.

Overwatch expands over time. New operatives from unlikely places arrives to join the fight. Hanzo, Genji’s brother, arrives to quiet fanfare, and keeps mostly to himself, taking his time to warm up to his new comrades and to his new life under Overwatch. Much louder and much more destructively is the arrival of Junkrat and Roadhog, whose explosive entrance made more than a few people question why Winston allowed the criminals to work under their banner, even if they were trying to go "legit". Symmetra and Mei were both especially vocal against Junkrat’s stay in particular, but while Mei continues to remain icy to the Junkers after their first meeting, Symmetra has slowly warmed up to the pair, to the surprise of everyone.

Orisa and her creator, Efi, both don’t show up in person as they are still protecting Numbani, but they are also made Overwatch agents through a long-distance call. Pharah pledges her allegiance and offers her support, but says she has an obligation to lead her own team in Helix first and foremost. Baptiste arrives suddenly one day with Sombra, making snide complaints about the lacking facilities like it’s an average day for them. Their reasons for joining are purposely vague whenever they’re questioned, and Harold suspects they’re ultimately self-serving, but they help with their respective talents and don’t push too many buttons.

One day, when he’s sure she’ll least expect it, Harold hands Sombra a framed photo. Her nose scrunches up.

“What’s this?” She asks.

“You asked me to get you some pictures. Turns out I had some photos in the data I retrieved up there. It’s old, but hey, you wanted a photo from space, right?”

For once, Sombra is silent, cradling the photograph gently like it’s made of the most fragile crystal. She observes the graininess of the photo, the pitch black of Space and the shimmering blue Earth, big and wide and beautiful.

Her lips thin. “I was joking, you know.”

“I know. But I found it, and you asked for it, so I thought, why not?”

Sombra smiles softly, a rare warm look that makes her look more youthful and vibrant. Like the flash of a camera, it's there for only a second before her warm smile turns into a colder smirk. “Things like this,” she waves the photo, “are why men like you get killed.”

Harold shrugs. “I came back from the dead twice now. And that's not counting all the other times I've nearly died in the past few months already. I almost used up all of my nine lives.”

Sombra snorts. “You’re not a cat. And this is a boring photo, you know. I’m not in it.”

“It’s a picture of the Earth. Everybody’s in it. Everyone's together.” He smiles. "That's the best thing about looking at Earth from the moon, I think."

Tracer will later ask Harold why Sombra is acting so nice for the rest of the day. For Sombra’s pride, he fakes ignorance. No one else needs to know.

As the nights grow longer, Harold finds himself retreating to his bedroom more often. Siebren is often there before him, helping Harold into bed before curling up next to him. He remembers those little moments in their past when they used to have playful arguments about who gets to be the little spoon. The good thing about being handicapped is that he gets first preference. Soon, warm, hairy arms surrounds his midsection, a hooked nose presses into his neck. A soft sigh breathes onto the sensitive flesh, making him shiver.

“Heard you had a fun day with Reinhardt,” Harold smirks.

“Don’t remind me,” Siebren groans. “My arm is sore from that arm-wrestling contest. Look at it.” He dangles it in front of Harold’s face. Harold lightly pushes it away.

“It’s your fault for accepting that challenge when Brigitte told you not to. She literally said that Reinhardt's super competitive and he doesn't hold back.”

“You say that after it is easier to look the cow in the ass,” Siebren mutters. “He was bragging to everybody about how he beat me so easily. It’s not my fault I do not regularly participate in such childish competitions of physical strength. If I used my powers, I could’ve won easily.”

“Sore loser.”

“Know-it-all.”

“Showoff.”

Siebren laughs. “Cute.”

“Handsome.” Harold chuckles when he lifts his arm, reaching behind to rub Siebren’s head. Siebren makes a sound in between a purr and a sigh, which makes Harold think of that time he worked with an animal shelter back when he was young and fresh out of university. Bony fingers crawl underneath his shirt, smoothing over his stomach. Harold can’t help but smile a little. “Siebren,” he warns.

“I’m not doing anything. Not tonight. I just want to feel you.”

Harold giggles incredulously. “You do realise what that sounds like in English, right?”

“You know what I mean,” Siebren scoffs. “I just…I need a reminder every now and then. To know you’re here. Even after everything we’ve gone through, you being by my side feels like a dream.”

“And what if it was? How’d you dream I’d end up here?”

“In my dreams, you wouldn’t end up here. We’d be together, have been together for a long time now.” Siebren smiles indulgently as he gazes up at the ceiling. “You wouldn’t have your accident, and neither would I. We’d be healthy and happy and content. We’d still be conducting research, but our progress will slow over time. We’d have a home somewhere far away from the hustle and bustle, with its own workspace for us to do any projects we so choose. Knowing you, you’d have convinced me to let us have a pet or two, or seven, or fifteen. I would not be surprised at all if our home turned into a literal zoo by this time.”

Harold giggles. It does sound like something he’d do.

Siebren continues, “I’d like to think we’d be married by that point. We’d have beautiful wedding rings and a photo album for the entire ceremony. I do not know if we’d have children—you care far too much about Winston and Hammond to not consider them as such—but I don’t think I would have disagreed if you desired to adopt or not. You would have worn me down by that point.”

“Funny how life goes,” Harold whispers. “Is that what you want?”

“Children? At my age? Absolutely not. Even if I wanted to, I don’t think that’s possible anymore if we take our current circumstances into consideration.”

“Not that. I’m talking about marriage.” He takes Siebren’s hand away from his stomach to the bed, entwining their fingers together. It’s impossibly warm and a bit sweaty. His eyes glance down to Siebren’s ring finger. “Given the chance, would you ever marry?”

Siebren gulps, trying to grasp the individual words—or perhaps even sentences—that came out of Harold’s mouth. His throat sounds dry. “I…m-marriage? It...it’s impossible, Harold. You’re legally dead for the second time in a row and I do not dare find out whether I'm officially alive or not. And even if we had rings and a ceremony and guests…” He trails off, no doubt fantasizing about what such a ceremony would be like. Harold tries to do the same, but can only imagine Winston in an ill-fitting tux and Hammond in a strangely fitted three piece suit. Suddenly, Siebren clears his throat loudly. “You and I, it’s…it’s not possible anymore.”

“I never said if it was possible now, or if it was with me. I’m saying, if you had the chance to marry anyone, and I mean anyone, right now, would you?”

Siebren slowly turns Harold to the other side so they’re facing each other. His smile is gentle and soft, in stark contrast to his sharp features. His piercing blue eyes look at Harold like he’s the most fascinating thing to ever exist in the world. Like he’s stardust, and complex mathematical equations, and the complete musical works of Erik Satie, and the secrets to gravity, all wrapped up with a bow on top.

Siebren smirks. “You already know the answer.”

Harold smiles bashfully. “You want to know my answer if you asked me that question?”

“No need,” Siebren chuckles. He presses a soft kiss to Harold’s jaw. “I know the answer to that too, my treasure.”

A nervous chuckle bubbles out of Harold's throat, a crimson blush overtaking his cheeks. His head is swimming and his body feels like Siebren's used his powers on him, making him drift higher and higher in the air. From anyone else it’s just a statement, but from Siebren that’s as good as a confession, a hidden promise of things to come or things he wishes would come. It’s hard trying to imagine how they’d be like if they were married because as beautiful as it might be, it doesn’t seem real. His reality is here with Overwatch, helping them travel across the globe to fight terrorists and save people. A peaceful life with Siebren by his side is out of his reach, not that he cares anymore. Reality is often better than fantasy, after all.

Siebren’s smiling at him. “You’re thinking again.”

Harold puts his hand on Siebren’s cheek. His eyes are focused on the space between their bodies. “Would you change anything about your life? Anything at all?”

Siebren’s lips fall as his gaze goes glassy. He thinks, seriously thinks, for several seconds. “There are things I wish did happen. I wished I didn’t lose my mind in my accident. I wish I didn’t have to hold the fragile pieces together. I wish I didn’t spend years mourning you when I thought you were dead. But I wouldn’t change anything. The law of entropy and the cosmic censorship hypothesis suggests that my current circumstances are the most optimal path my life could take.”

Harold smirks. “Just admit it. You like this, being the hero, saving people and fighting off the bad guys.”

Siebren rolls his eyes. “Perhaps I do.”

“Lost opportunities, lost possibilities, feelings we can never get back. That's part of what it means to be alive.” Harold quotes without thinking. “I wouldn’t change anything at all. If I did, I wouldn’t be alive. Literally and metaphorically.”

Siebren nods. “Dr Harold Winston is dead, just as Dr Siebren de Kuiper is dead. We’re different people, taking on their forms, living on with their faces but not their lives.” He runs his hand over Harold’s cheek, trailing over the catheter. “I’m Sigma, and you’re Charon. Let Dr Winston and Dr de Kuiper be the star-crossed lovers they were meant to be, up in the dark realms of space. Let us dare to see the world for what it could be.”

Harold smirks. “Should I call you Sigma now? Are you going to call me Harold?”

“I don’t care anymore. You should ask yourself those questions.”

“What, should I call myself Charon now?” Harold says incredulously.

“If you want to,” he replies. “You know who you are. And I can assure you, names do have power. Whatever you choose to call yourself, that will affect who you are and what you become.”

It’s easier said than done. It’s harder for him to let go of Harold. It is him, or at least a part of him, and it’s hard to think of himself as a different person or a different entity. He’s changed, he knew from the beginning that he has changed, but it wasn’t enough. That’s what he thought, but then it only takes a few little changes to become a different person. The man in front of him right now is a prime example of it. Is it possible that it applies to him as well? Can he be a different person, even when so much of him still feels like Harold?

Siebren is staring at him. “Well?”

Harold’s eyes lower. “Do you think I’ve changed enough?”

“What do you think?” Siebren asks.

For an instant Harold sees his reflection in Siebren’s glimmering eyes only to find himself staring at someone else. It’s not Harold Winston that Siebren stares so lovingly at. It’s a different person. A better person.

The corner of his lips quirks upwards. “You know what?" He says, "I think I finally have.”

The Orca drops down like butter in front of a desecrated Ayutthaya. The buildings that line the streets are old and crumbling and the streets are wide and filled with people. Stalls in the local market have been abandoned alongside the many vans and pick-up trucks. Many people are hiding in the ruins of the buildings. Others are trying to lead others to safety. In the distance, near the tourist traps and the temples stands a massive omnic, red lights scanning the horizon, hundreds of smaller omnics surrounding it.

The doors to the Orca open and four step out, the Overwatch emblem standing proud on their person. Tracer’s voice leaks through the comms.

“Alright chaps, we’ve got us a big ol’ Omnic. Government wants to preserve the temples so we gotta lead it away to the forest nearby. I’ll try and do it from the ship but you guys gotta be prepared to take this thing down yourselves.”

Sombra’s voice chirps in. “You know I could hack this thing, right?”

“So why aren’t you here?” Tracer grumbles.

“Ay, it's too hot there. You go have fun in Thailand."

Tracer’s eyeroll was practically audible. “You ready, Winston?”

“I’m ready.” He turns his head. “What about you, Hammond?”

“THE HAMSTER WANTS TO GET THE BALL ROLLING ALREADY.”

“Sigma?” Winston asks.

“Sigma present,” he declares.

“Charon?”

He fiddles with the ring on his hand, his eyes glancing at Sigma’s neck, where an identical ring rests on a simple chain necklace. It took a lot of people by surprise that morning, waking up to find the rings on their person, sipping coffee side by side. There was no grand ceremony, no big reveal. One day they were just two people. The next, they have decided to considered themselves married husbands. It's not official, and the rings are cheap and symbolic, but as long as they believe it, that's all he cares about.

It’s still a bit weird to consider Sigma his husband. Until that word doesn't taste so strange from his tongue, he'll say it again and again, and even when it does taste sweet, he'll say it some more. It's weird in so many ways, but it feels so right.

As perfectly right as being in this moment is, with his new found family, despite the danger.

“Charon here, ready and waiting for someone to get themselves injured.” He glances mischievously at Wrecking Ball.

“DIAGNOSIS: I PRESCRIBE YOU WITH WHINY [REDACTED] DISEASE.”

Charon smirks. “And here I thought I brought you up to be a polite little boy.”

“ANALYSIS: YOU MADE THIS SOFTWARE. CONCLUSION: DEAL WITH IT.”

“Settle down, you two,” Winston says. “We have a job to do. The world needs us heroes.”

Sigma scoffs lightly. “Do we count as heroes?”

"What, don't think we're heroes?" Charon asks.

"I'm not saying that at all. I'm just confirming how much collateral damage we obliged to make today," Sigma says.

Charon lets the back of his hand brush over Sigma's hand. This close, Harold can feel the strings of gravity tug at his fingertips, eager to pull him into its orbit. Inside his bloodstream, the nanobots activate, coursing through his body. He closes his eyes, savouring the sticky humid air and the thundering steps of the giant omnic and this feeling of completeness, being so close to his loved ones. He opens his eyes, dark brown irises flickering into gold. The last traces of Harold Winston leaves his body, and in his place Charon emerges.

By his side, everybody readies their weapons. With practiced hands he checks the jet injector and the backpack on his back filled with golden serum. He lets out a quiet gasp when he feels something grab onto his hand. Gloved fingers wrap around his, squeezing tightly before letting go. The man it belongs to nods his head towards the omnics and smiles. Are you ready? Sigma asks.

There's no doubt in his mind. Charon nods, smiling proudly. I'm ready. Silently, the four of them leave the ship and approach the Omnics, ready to fight and save the city.

He's dared to change himself for the better. Now, it's time for him to do the same for the world.

Sometimes fate is like a small sandstorm that keeps changing directions. You change direction but the sandstorm chases you. You turn again, but the storm adjusts. Over and over you play this out, like some ominous dance with death just before dawn. Why? Because this storm isn't something that blew in from far away, something that has nothing to do with you. This storm is you. Something inside of you. So all you can do is give in to it, step right inside the storm, closing your eyes and plugging up your ears so the sand doesn't get in, and walk through it, step by step. There's no sun there, no moon, no direction, no sense of time. Just fine white sand swirling up into the sky like pulverized bones. That's the kind of sandstorm you need to imagine.

And you really will have to make it through that violent, metaphysical, symbolic storm. No matter how metaphysical or symbolic it might be, make no mistake about it: it will cut through flesh like a thousand razor blades. People will bleed there, and you will bleed too. Hot, red blood. You'll catch that blood in your hands, your own blood and the blood of others.

And once the storm is over you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won't even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm you won't be the same person who walked in. That's what this storm's all about.

Haruki Murakami – ‘Kafka on the Shore’

#Overwatch #Sigma #Siebren de Kuiper #Harold Winston #Sigrold #Oh my god I am so glad this is over #I mean I'm sad but also kinda relieved #This is my baby and now it's gone off for greener pastures #It's like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders but I miss the weight?#I hope you guys like this story I've crafted. It really has been a journey

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flamereign · 5 years

Text

so i’ve always sorta wanted to make a short (ish) overview of lea’s mental/emotional state during & post kh3, as the game in all it’s Disney Is For Kids!!! fashion glossed over a lot of the results, repercussions and consequences of going through the kind of trauma axelea went through. of course, this is based on my view of events ( i.e. lea did not relinquish his heart willingly and did not cope well at all to his heartless state as axel which does have repercussions on lea’s state of mind once he got his heart back ) and what i’d imagine that would do to a guy who spent about a decade in a really emotionally toxic environment basically suppressing his emotions / memories and even his past identity. as i just want to give an overview, i tried keeping it as short and to the point as possible, but it did still get a tad long thanks to my tendency to ramble so sorry in advance ...

in any case, thanks for reading! here goes

during and early post kh3 lea gets easily overwhelmed by emotions. as i stated earlier, he did spent about a decade believing he couldn’t feel, even resulting in him gaslighting himself whenever he did feel something. because he essentially lost his heart around age 15-16 you could say he’s basically still stuck in puberty, only with some added ptsd to the mix: lea literally has to relearn how to process and identify emotions within himself after a decade of suppressing them*. emotions, therefore, tend to hit him hard and fast, can take him utterly by surprise and he has difficult getting them back under control. this can lead to either an overreaction of a certain type of emotion ( for example laughter that turns to unstoppable giggles, tears that turn to uncontrollable sobbing, mild anxiety that can flip to a panic attack at even the smallest triggers ), contrary emotional reactions ( crying when happy, wanting to laugh when actually feeling angry or nervous, or even just a lack of emotional response when he's feeling sad ) loss of temper / anger due to embarrassment or even complete dissociation / a feeling of numbness. *see also point 3

this emotional overload leads to hypersensitivity especially if there are added outside stimuli; if it gets really bad even the touch of clothes against his skin feels like too much. in some cases, it can also result in a feeling of extreme depersonalization**, a feeling like he’s not part of his own body anymore, like his consciousness is torn in every which direction and he’s about to splinter apart. his usual reaction is to isolate himself to a contained space with little to no outside stimuli ( so a dark, quiet and small space ) until he can come back to himself. if for any reason he can’t, it will result in an anxiety attack or even him flipping to rage form and lashing out. **in this case, it actually helps him a lot of there is a weight placed on top of him to ground him back into the here and now: sometimes this means he’ll go sit in the shower under a really hard stream of water, or he’ll go huddle into a really tight space or, if there is someone around he trusts, he’ll even calm down if they lay down on top of him as it also reassures him they’re real and they’re there. anyone else touching him is a big no no in this situation, however.

lea has a mild case of alexithymia as a result of the decade long suppression of his own emotions and feelings. though this condition is defined as a personality trait, in lea’s case it’s more of a result of that very specific trauma ( see also the point 1 ), and will get less impacting as time goes on and lea learns to readjust to life with heart and emotions once more. alexithymia is mainly characterized by: a) difficulty identifying feelings and distinguishing between feelings in the self and in others, b) difficulty describing feelings to others. point a) also results in point 1 and 2 while point b) results more in point 4 below and actually makes talking about his experiences and his feelings quite taxing for him.

as a result of all of the above, he still shows a lot of avoidance behaviors: deflecting ( mostly with humour or self depreciation ), distracting himself w/ something else instead of letting himself process ( like, throwing himself immediately into training to become a keyblade wielder and saving his friends rather than, yanno, give himself some fucking time to breathe ), becoming defensive or angry when people push ( exceptions here roxas / xion / isa / others, depending on plotted relationship, but even then it’s difficult for him to fully open up ) and he’ll rather avoid talking about the heavy stuff altogether for as long as possible, preferring to act like things are fine even if his body language and facial expressions clearly show things are, in fact, not fine.

to add to the above: unlike axel, who had a kick ass poker face, lea has a really hard time hiding what he feels, but that still doesn’t make it easier for him to express what he feels. he may be an open book to others, but it’s not as obvious to himself. of course contextually or depending on the situation he can infer whether his own state of mind is happy or sad or anxious and he does still have previous experience to draw on, but if the context or situation can’t help him it could be that he cries but will not be able to say if they’re happy tears or sad tears, if he feels unsettled he won’t be able to easily discern if it’s anger, if it’s frustration, anxiety or simply because there’s something physical going on ( lack of sleep / eating / oncoming illness etc etc ). as you can imagine this is very frustrating to him and does not help the bullet points i already expanded on above.

regardless of the motivations and traumas that guided axel’s behaviors and actions ( which i will make a separate post about ), getting his heart back has been a quite eye-opening experience to lea to the extent he’s willing to go to survive, to all of his worst qualities and sides and to the fact that he’s capable of doing the things he’s done: his past as axel and the things he’s done are causing a tremendous amount of guilt, identity issues*** and even self-loathing culmulating in mild depression. in short, the confidence he used to have as a kid and as a nobody have taken a big ass dent. despite the fact that the keyblade has chosen him, he often doubts and second guesses on whether he’s even worthy of it and had it not been for his determination to save his friends and fix past wrongs, he might’ve even renounced that power all together thinking he doesn’t truly deserve to be a wielder. this self-doubt and lack of confidence caused him a lot of issues in his training even getting the keyblade to appear and is, imo, one of the big reasons why he was overpowered so easily by xemnas in that final confrontation. ***in my opinion, the traits of the nobodies can be seen as that actual person’s worst traits magnified -- in a way, axel can be seen as lea’s inner darkness: the selfishness, the impulsiveness, the temper, that manipulative side, the ruthlessness and the dishonesty are all traits that were already there, but were always balanced out and trumped by his positive traits. lea post kh3 has gotten to know a lot more about himself and essentially does not like the things he found out: quite understandably he’s having a hard time accepting and reconciling axel with who he is as lea now and as a result he subconsciously tries to suppress the parts that are axel while consciously trying to accept them, which causes him to feel like he’s not sure anymore who he is and who he is supposed to be. this only adds to the guilt and self-doubts he already experiences. this is also why i thought that him letting other people use the name axel for him so easily was a really weird decision in the game.

with his tendency to doubt his own worth also comes paranoia. one big example is the automatic suspicion he feels at nice / friendly gestures, actions or words -- a suspicion mainly borne from the thought that he doesn’t really deserve those, or that it shouldn’t be as easy. especially during kh3 this will largely center around the other wielders of light or really anyone who’s known him as axel.

a large part of the paranoia is also linked to his ptsd; he is very hyper-aware: this can be hyper-awareness in specific situations -- for example he’ll feel uncomfortable in large crowds, or in spaces with low visibility, he’ll flinch at loud & sudden noises, will go from relaxed to ready to attack in the span of a second if someone or something startles him and he will shy away from touch from people he doesn’t know -- or even in a general sense meaning that in any given situation where things seem to be going well or he’s feeling happy he’s always in some part waiting for the other shoe to drop or for the situation to blow up in his face as some kind of karmic retribution. as a result, there’s part of him that has become very sensitive to change as any signs of abrupt and inexplicable change in his life will be interpreted as a sign of impending doom, to put it very dramatically. this in turn can feed into the emotional overload and bodily hypersensitivity i described further above.

for that latter part, the same can be said about his relationships with other people. i don’t think it’ll come as a surprise to know that with everything he’s gone through and the losses he’s faced as axel, his part of the blame in that aside for a moment, lea has some major abandonment issues. this also ties in with his low confidence, self-doubt and guilt complex: it’ll take a long time for him to trust that someone will actually want to stick around and part of him is also hypersensitive to signs of behavioral changes in others towards him -- in short, part of him is also always waiting for the people he cares about and who obviously also care about him to wise up about what a failure he is and consequentially leave him. if by any chance this does happen, even if it is through no fault of any party, he’ll always instinctively place the blame on himself, putting it down as something he’s said or done to make that person go. as a result, if that person returns lea will be both clingy as well a avoidant as he a) wants for them to stick around and b) doesn’t trust them not to leave again, so it’d be better to simply keep his distance.

the above also results in him not wanting to show his flaws, his doubts and weaknesses: he loathes failure, internalizes and bottles up a lot of his negative emotions towards himself and others and pushes himself beyond his boundaries often just to try and prove that he can ( despite not truly believing that he is ). he’s afraid that if the people he cares for and respect know about his doubts and fears, it’ll increase the risk of them leaving him behind. this is especially apparent in kh3 towards his fellow keyblade wielders: despite having his doubts about being worthy of the keyblade, it’s not something he would’ve ever said or shown, believing that if he showed any signs of not being able to handle the weight of the keyblade, they’d sideline him or boot him out completely. considering a big motivation for him joining the battle in the first place was to atone, to fix past mistakes by helping to save his friends, the idea of having that chance taken away caused a lot of fear and inner stress, resulting in frequent bouts of exhaustion and depression, more self-loathing, defensiveness and even anger if someone tried to critique his actions or question his motives.

due to the above described symptoms of his ptsd, depression and emotional instability, he has issues with insomnia. whenever he does manage to get sleep, he also frequently experiences very vivid nightmares and night terrors. whereas as axel he’d turn to sleep to pass the time, as lea he tends to avoid sleep altogether unless absolutely necessary.

obviously i realize that reading all of the above combined makes it sound as if lea’s struggling under huge emotional and mental strain every day ( and technically speaking he sorta is because this is not something that turns off from one day to the next ), but i also want to add that lea himself doesn’t particularly think of himself as unhappy or depressed 24/7 ( or even at all ) so it’ll not always be super apparent in his attitude or the way i write him in threads. imo, lea’s strength has always come from his empathy, his mental fortitude and his ability to adapt --- and i don’t want to forget that on top of all the negative, he’s finally experiencing all the positive sides of having his heart back as well. this, plus the fact that, unlike axel, he actually has a support system to fall back on, friends that support him and who he can support in return, definitely help him a lot in his day to day activities.

nevertheless the above are all factors i take into account to determine the way axelea thinks and chooses to react to certain situations and in his interpersonal relationships and are thus important to my portrayal of him. so to anyone who’s read this entire thing: i love you from the bottom of my heart.

#headcanon.#long post /#sorry mobile users sbhsbgdhg #if anyone wants me to tag this in some other way lemme know

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classicdaisycalico · 5 years

Note

"We'll figure this out" for luigi/Daisy

Angst/fluff Prompt List

Okay so some brief Italian lessons before we begin:

Castello di Flora = translates to “Flora’s Castle” (lit. “Castle of Flora”)Un colpo di fulmine = colloquialism for “love at first sight” (lit. “a lightning bolt”)

Luigi and Daisy, “We’ll Figure This Out”

***

Between fleeing the country in the aftermath of Tatanga’s invasion and staying in the Mushroom Kingdom during her citizens’ recovery efforts, Princess Daisy was initially very homesick. She missed the scorching western desert heat of Birabuto, the peaceful southern beaches of Muda, the rolling hills and rocky cliffs of Easton, and the blistering northern mountain winds of Chai. She missed her parents, and she missed their home, which ended up being destroyed during the attacks.

Now, after a fair amount of time, she had been arranged to meet them at their new residence, the historic Castello di Flora. As its name implied, the castle was once the residence of Daisy’s distant ancestor from several centuries ago, a queen named Flora who reigned over a newly unified Easton.

For Daisy, returning to Sarasaland should have been exciting. Now, there was a new issue: she hadn’t counted on how much it would hurt leaving the Mushroom Kingdom.

She hadn’t been back in years, and wanted to explore every inch of how much Toad Town and its surrounding neighborhoods had changed since her last visit. It had been Peach’s idea first, and Mario was more than happy to bring her there, the latter of whom she ended up striking a very good friendship with. Peach, in the meantime, was ecstatic to host her sister-in-arms again, and Daisy was just as thrilled to stay with her during that time.

Then, of course, there was Luigi, a completely unexpected surprise. She hadn’t arrived to the Mushroom Kingdom looking for love, but a chance encounter with the young plumber outside of Peach’s castle was all it took. That encounter early in the afternoon turned into an unofficial first date, followed up by an official second the day after. Following that came a bouquet of flowers at her doorstep and a dance in the rain that subsequently lead to their first kiss. They were exclusive ever since.

It was now the evening before Daisy was scheduled to leave. The two of them were sitting at the top of a hill providing a beautiful view of the Mushroom City skyline, a callback to the end of their aforementioned first date. That evening, they stayed out to watch the sun set and for the first of the stars to appear before returning home. Sitting next to him, hand in hand, gave her plenty of time for reflection as the hours ticked away.

Truth be told, the princess was not one to dwell on the notion of love at first sight, she hadn’t expected that sort of thing to happen to her. In fact, she was almost repulsed by the idea, given her history with Tatanga and several other self-centered sons of prominent government officials vying for her affections in the past. Now that she had experienced it for herself, however, the thought nearly frightened her.

Suddenly she understood why love at first sight was so rare to come by: whenever it happened, everything surrounding love was far more intense than normal. Sparks didn’t fly, but fireworks did. First dates, which were usually planned at least a day in advance, were now completely rushed and on-the-fly, often operating on a wing and a prayer. And forget about pre-kiss tension; it didn’t exist in the event of, as Luigi described it in his native Italian, a lightning bolt.

Un colpo di fulmine, it was called. At least that saying was a little bit more reassuring. It meant that love could be found from looking at somebody either one time or one thousand times. Conversely, “love at first sight” was just that: the first sight, and there was so much pressure for everything else after that to be just as perfect.

But that was the problem. Nothing was ever truly perfect.

She sighed sadly, earning the attention of the green-clad young man next to her. “Is something wrong?”

How could she answer with so much running through her mind all at once? The princess instead looked out into the horizon. “...There’s just so much to unpack,” she said, hesitantly.

A corner of his mouth ticked upward in a faint smile. “Unpack? I thought that was for AFTER you get home, not before.”

The princess couldn’t help but giggle. Leave it to Luigi to make her laugh, no matter how corny the joke. Still, it wasn’t enough to diffuse her sour mood, and the plumber was quick to catch on. “I’m serious. What is it?”

Again, she let out a melancholy sigh, unable to ignore the elephant in the room any longer. “It’s the fact that I’m literally leaving tomorrow morning,” she answered. “I never had any real friends in Sarasaland. Coming here and being with Peach and everybody else made me the happiest I’ve been in a long time.”

She leaned her head against his shoulder. “Now that I’m going back home, it’s gonna feel like everything I’ve ever built up in the Mushroom Kingdom will disappear in the blink of an eye.”

He tilted his head in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t want to forget this.” She gestured outward with her free hand. “The memories, the friendships...everything. I guess I’m just afraid everybody else will, eventually.”

It really hurt Luigi to see the princess like this. Still, seeing this normally cheerful and optimistic lady in such a somber mood brought to mind similar fears of his own, fears of being left alone or forgotten, left in the dust.

Thankfully, Mario always gave him some good advice to curb these doubts. “You’ve known Peach for...how long?”

“Since before I could even remember. The both of us were probably still teething when we first met.”

“Well, she wouldn’t forget you, would she? Not after the two of you have been such good friends your whole lives.”

“I know Peach would remember. But what about Mario?”

“He’ll remember Sarasaland for days to come,” the plumber replied. “I hear him say every day that he wants to go back again...when there’s been enough recovery, obviously.”

“Well...” she began, “it would definitely explain all the questions he had about the provinces. And their history. And their cultures. And their people. And their creatures...”

“The list goes on. There’s no way he’ll forget. Not for a long time.”

“Yeah.”

Her eyebrows suddenly furrowed in thought. “And then, of course...there’s one more person.”

“Oh?”

“Someone special...” Daisy mused. “He’s really quiet before you get to know him. And shy. PAINFULLY shy. But underneath it all is a guy who’s as kind, honest, and sweet as anyone could ever be.”

She laced his fingers through his. “He’s not afraid to be sensitive or emotional. And in my opinion, that’s the bravest thing any guy can do.”

The princess saw Luigi nervously scratching the back of his head, knowing full well he was catching on to what she was saying. “He’s also extremely handsome, especially in green.”

And there it was, a twinge of red in his cheeks. “Stop that,” he laughed, trying not to stutter over his words. “I’ve heard enough.”

“But YOU won’t forget, will you?”

He sat there for a moment, looking at her, eventually letting his hand brush away a stubborn strand of hair threatening to obscure his view of her bright green eyes. “Why would I ever want to?”

He let his fingers lightly trace over the outline of her face before letting his hand rest over her cheek. “You’re my lightning bolt.”

Her own hand reached up and held on to his. In moments like these, rather than say anything back, she let the words linger, so she could take in their meaning. In the time she had known Luigi, she knew he was not much of a talker, but when he was, he never minced his words. Everything he said carried depth, and lots of it. This was no exception.

She closed the gap between them and kissed him. It was nothing like their first kiss on that rainy evening; there was no desperation, no awkwardness, no bottled-up feelings to resolve. It was simply a small show of affection she knew he’d appreciate.

The way he slowly found the courage to kiss her back let her know she was right.

After letting it linger for a few seconds, they pulled back, his hand still cupping her face gently. “Will you write, at least?”

“I don’t know how often...”

She wrapped an arm around him and drew him in for a hug, her head now resting snugly against his chest. “We’ll figure this out. Together.”

#ask me things #melissa writes #waywardcollectionchai #Luigi #Princess Daisy #my fave #Luigi and Daisy #my mario series otp #OOF sorry this took so long #grad school is already beginning to pick up sorryyyyyyyyyyyy #this is also real long btw so if you make it to the end then you're heckin amazing

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wellkepteden · 5 years

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Prompt 01: Questionnaire

(content warning for: suicide mention and uhhh brain washing? kind of? idk how to warn for that, and some mild like.... referenced medical gore idk)

01. Tell us about your character’s name. Was it given to them or chosen? Does it hold any special meaning? If your character has aliases or nicknames, how did they get them and what do they mean?

“What do you want to be called?”

“I don’t understand the question, sir.”

“Well, I can’t just keep calling you Sixteen.”

“Technically my full designation is PM-16-21A.”

“That’s not a name, you need a name, kid. What do you want to be called?”

The Keeper wasn’t really a man that cared for names, so he never bothered naming his charge either. It wasn’t until Eden reached the cybernetics expert, Sargo Hemmel, that she received a name. It was a long discussion, but ultimately she begged off deciding on a personal name for long enough that he gave up and named her after a dancer he’d known in his youth.

As for surname, Eden had a stronger opinion. It’s really just a pun on the fact that she was partially raised by the Keeper. She thinks she was very well kept. Hemmel tried to convince her to pick a more common name, but she does have her stubborn moments.

02. What is your character’s relationship to their homeworld? Do they hold fond memories of it, or do they hate it? Are they still here, and if not, do they miss it?

Eden didn’t get to see the outside very much while she was on Dromund Kaas. She remembers frequently listening to the rain, but even before she was stolen she was kept carefully away from public view. Now, it’s just a place that’s too dangerous to ever return to. A wistful dream that was never really a reality.

03. Describe your character’s relationship with those who raised them. Was it positive? Negative? Neutral? What sorts of ideologies were they raised with, and do they still stand by them now?

Even without the extra mental programming, Eden is a pretty naturally friendly person. She got along well with the scientists that watched over her in her first few years, and she absolutely adored the Keeper no matter how hard he could be to read and reach. Even though she was almost an adult by the time she reached him, she always considered Hemmel to be just as much of a parental figure, too. Luckily, she’s allowed to keep in contact with him even if the others are now far out of reach.

Growing up, the message was hammered into her that she should never trust anyone and that the world was a harsh place where you could never relax your guard. It never really took. Somehow, Eden remains a font of optimism almost no matter what happens. Just about everyone that helped raise her is convinced it’s going to get her killed someday (if they don’t think it already has).

04. What is your character’s relationship with the Force? Is your character Force-sensitive? Whether or not they are, do they believe in it? Do they lean more towards the dark or the light or are they somewhere in between?

Eden is force sensitive!! Not extremely, but enough that had circumstances been different she probably would have been picked up by either of the large force sensitive organizations. Hilariously, though, despite her own sensitivity to it she’s still not completely convinced it actually exists. She has a hard time with things that she can’t quantify in a way she’s comfortable with, and the implications of the force’s existence and so on make her Very uncomfortable so she tries not to think about it.

For the most part she only really uses it to convince people to help her, or to grab things that are out of reach. She doesn’t do much fighting, and was never really trained, so that’s about the extent of her abilities.

If she was trained more, though, she would definitely lean towards the light side. Not necessarily because of any inherent goodness, but because she’s not near as in touch with her more unpleasant emotions as she would need to be to harness the dark.

05. What three word would you use to describe your character? What three words would your character use to describe themself? What three words would someone close to them use?

me: bubbly, absent, brittle

eden: tall, pale, blonde

hemmel: never shuts up

06. Describe your character’s aesthetic. Do they tend towards fashion or function? Do they like to accessorize? How does this extend into their own personal spaces, such as their home or their workspace?

Eden tends towards whatever is going to help her complete her current job. That pretty much always comes first. Outside of that, though, she does very much like dressing up in things that make her feel good, and will often spend paychecks on nicer clothing. Textures tend to be more important to her than looks, but feeling like she looks good is important too.

Since others are rarely welcome on her ship it’s become one big cozy nest though, honestly. She likes to keep trophies and anything, really, that catches her eye. It’s important to her that she gets to do Whatever she wants with her space, after having grown up without a real space to call her own.

07. What are your character’s vices? Guilty pleasures? Bad habits? Weak spots?

A love for all things luxurious has followed Eden since her first time inside a rich person’s living space. Not that she ever wants to go as wild as so many of them do, but she does have a serious weak spot for the finer things in life. One of the quickest ways to her heart is well crafted gifts, whether they’re food or clothes or something else.

Outside of that, she has a particular fondness for cybernetic modification and loves to be filled with the latest tech. (in more ways than one ;D o god what did i just say)

Also there is her habit of sleeping with... Just..... A Lot of the people she works with. And the people she doesn’t work with. She doesn’t consider any of that a bad habit, though, so I’m not sure it belongs in this section.

08. Tell us about your character’s relationship with food. What are their favorites? Do they enjoy cooking? Are they adventurous? Will they eat absolutely anything or are they hard to please?

Growing up, food was for nourishment exclusively. So, of course, now that she’s on her own she’s abandoned that philosophy completely. Good food, it turns out, is delicious and makes her feel good and Eden is happy to indulge whenever she can. That being said, she doesn’t have all that much experience cooking because she would much rather let others do it for her, BUT she has helped others out a good few times and she loves working in tandem with people in the kitchen.

Also, she’s unlikely to try something new unless someone has specifically recommended it. Getting her to eat something she dislikes is very difficult, and she would much rather avoid doing it to herself.

09. How does your character feel about engaging in relationships—romantic and / or sexual—with others? What is their history like? Do they fall in love easily? Are they constantly in and out of relationships?

Eden loves easily and lightly, and her attitudes about romance and sex are basically identical. Both are very fun! She loves people, and she loves affection, and for her sex is not much more serious than dancing (though she’s never pushy about it, either). Commitment is never on the table, though. From the start of any given encounter, it’s very clearly stated that Eden is probably going to be moving on in days or weeks, off to the next planet and the next job.

She does have a few off and on partners that she falls into familiar patterns with when they occupy the same space, but even those fall much more into a friends with benefits area than anything more serious. If asked, Eden will say very dismissively that she’s loved many times, and it’s true that she comes to love and adore people very easily, but she’s never related to the poems and songs about romance. She’s never really missed someone when they were away from her, or had her heart ache for them. Frankly, she thinks it sounds unpleasant.

10. What is your character’s pain tolerance like? Can they hold their own in a fight, despite injury? If someone hurts them with the aim of gaining information, how much can they take before they cave?

Don’t hurt Eden !! She hates it and will do anything in her power to avoid it. She’s not even particularly into spanking in the bedroom.

Poor Hemmel has to like fully knock her out every time she comes in for an upgrade, too, cause she’s very.... Reactive. Horrible at staying still.

That said, lying and disobeying direct orders already literally physically hurt her so someone wouldn’t need to torture her much to get information out of her. Although, on the other hand, she’s also physically incapable of sharing certain information. Regardless, in the event of an emergency she has several kill switches set up that she can activate to remove herself as a liability if it becomes clear that she’s not going to escape.

11. What is your character’s weapon of choice? Are they more skilled as a melee fighter or do they have more skill with ranged weapons? What’s their fighting style like? What sort of training do they have behind them?

No weapons!! If Eden is in a fight then she’s already failed, no weapons! She keeps a knife on her but it’s a utility tool not for fighting. The Keeper and Hemmel both tried to teach her to fight so she has Some training in blaster handling and etc, but she mostly refuses to even entertain the idea. If there’s any chance of avoiding a fight she’ll take it, every time.

12. Does your character have any words or catchphrases that they say frequently? Tell us about how they picked them up.

When on autopilot she tends towards Very Polite, so between that and her time spent with Hemmel I’m sure she has a number of stock phrases. I just don’t know what they are yet, so I’ll get back to you on that.

Outside of that, though, she does have kind of a particular way of speaking about her. Often, when speaking to someone she'll have an air about her like she’s sharing a very special secret with them, or a joke that no one else gets to be on. A hushed, amused tone comes to her most naturally.

EDIT: i forgot sometimes in the middle of a conversation she’ll get a strong urge to drop in a “For the good of the Empire” but usually she manages to resist...... it’s just muscle memory honestly

13. Tell us about a negative experience your character has had with either the Jedi or the Sith, and how this has affected their standing. Whether currently aligned or unaligned with either faction, if forced to choose, how would they side?

Eden was raised on horror stories about the Sith-- though he worked with them, in his private moments the Keeper was not very fond. Perhaps because he worked alongside so many. However, out in her daily life Eden hasn’t had the opportunity to meet all that many Sith or Jedi individuals, and so remains largely neutral on the subject.

That being said... You can’t miss the destruction that a Sith leaves behind, and that is something she’s witnessed on any number of occasions. So, between the Sith and their horror, and the Jedi who she views as similar to any other authority figure, if forced to choose she would lean towards the Jedi. At least, as far as she knows, they kill people less.

14. How would your character react to seeing a relative or friend on the opposing side of a battle or mission?

If a friend is on the opposite end of a mission, then either Eden is currently working a con with them, or she has royally screwed up. Regardless, it’s not as though she’s going to be any more willing to fight them than she is anyone else.

15. Describe a memory that your character finds embarrassing.

Shame doesn’t actually come all that easily to Eden-- she’s not self conscious about many things. However, there were a couple of moments in which she deeply regretted not doing more research ahead of time. Though he taught her many things, there were ways in which the Keeper neglected her education, and Hemmel didn’t necessarily know that she had those gaps.

What I’m saying is she had Absolutely no idea what she was doing the first time she had sex and was very much trying to learn on the fly, which is a terrible idea and resulted in a very embarrassed and giggly end to the evening.

16. What goals does your character hold for themself and what steps have they taken towards achieving them? How far are they willing to go to reach them? What is their be-all and end-all?

Though she would say that survival and fun are her only goals, Eden is also fervently searching for a way to undo what the Empire did to her head. Cybernetics have proved unhelpful in that area, and it’s difficult to find any experts that don’t have pre-existing Imperial connections. At the moment, her search has stalled and she’s trying very hard not to think about it, but she would do almost anything to de-program herself, barring hurting someone she cared about.

17. What is the one thing your character would change about their life if they were given the chance? What other lives could they have lived as a result?

Honestly, Eden doesn’t much regret the way she was born or the way she was raised, at least not in any way that she would admit to herself. But she does sometimes dream of a universe in which her head and her actions were entirely her own.

18. Living in such a high-conflict time, how does your character feel about doing what they must to survive? Will they hurt or kill others—either directly or indirectly—to protect themself and / or those close to them? If so, do they regret it when all is said and done?

This is an area in which Eden is Highly Conflicted! Honestly, fighting is a very bottom of the list Last Resort for her, and in 99.9% of situations she’s convinced that there are alternatives and that she’ll find them. Usually, she’s right. A good stealth field can solve a lot of problems.

19. What is the biggest problem your character is currently dealing with?

Well! Her head isn’t entirely her own! But that’s more of an ongoing issue. Right now she’s low key wrestling with the morality of continuing to stay aggressively neutral as the galactic fighting seems to be only getting worse instead of better. This may be something she solves by going Robin Hood sometime in the near future, but that’s still hugely up for debate.

20. Give us 3+ headcanons of any length or subject matter.

1. Programming: As referenced multiple times in the questions above, before she was stolen away the Imperials did manage to fuck around with Eden’s brain a fair amount. It’s mildly experimental tech, but so far largely successful. Unfortunately, they didn’t finish in Eden’s case which actually leaves her in considerably more danger than she would be otherwise. To avoid doing damage (psychological or physical), they were moving slowly with the Watcher kids, implementing broad ideas at first and then refining them once they had really settled in.

Eden never got to the refining stage, so she’s left with broad strokes programming like “no lying, no hurting others, no disobeying a direct order, no sharing government secrets”. Had she managed to keep going for another few years, these things would’ve been refined in scope to things like “no lying to a superior officer, no hurting others unless threatened,” and so on. But, it is what it is.

Violating any of these rules, as it is, leaves her with a blinding headache that is very rarely worth it. Luckily, her Keeper was careful to teach her ways of talking and thinking around some of the programming, as like many things of this nature it can be finicky and there are loopholes to be found.

2. Seams: Eden has very many scars, all of them thin and almost invisible, which she affectionately refers to as her ‘seams’. They’re almost exclusively surgery related, long thin lines down her torso and along her limbs where skin was peeled back to allow for cybernetic enhancements. They’re faint enough that it’s uncommon for anyone to notice them unless they’re in bed together, as her doctor does very subtle work.

3. Enhancements: Speaking of the reasons for the seams, though-- having partially grown up with Hemmel, Eden is fully stocked up on high tech enhancements. There’s very little of her body that remains completely untouched, and she does have a fondness for experimental tech which has led to mild short outs in the past. Every few months she returns to Hemmel for a check up and maybe an upgrade, so her list of capabilities is ever-changing.

Some of the things that she’s had for a very long time and will probably always keep, however, include: False eyes to allow for enhanced vision and a useful HUD, several stealth systems that range from masking body heat and vital signs to cloaking her entirely, enhanced hearing and sensors in her fingertips that allow her to collect very specific information, and a few types of ‘kill switches’ as she calls them that can either knock her out or kill her completely should the situation call for it (none of these are able to be activated by anyone but her and maybe Hemmel). None of her tech is dangerous to anyone but herself.

bonus. Give us a list of any length telling us why our “fave is problematic.”

i’m not convinced that she is !!

sure she steals a lot but is that really that bad?

maybe she’s accidentally broken a few hearts but that’s not rly her fault is it?

so what if she has just decided she’s friends with a good number of people without asking for their input??

who cares if her ship is a mess and she might not be able to fight to protect the ones she loves!!

#sidereal prompt 01 #2 #3 #4 #5 #prompt #musing

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musicmixtapes · 6 years

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October 10, 2018 Mix

Welcome to this week's installation of music! I loved finding tracks that blended well in terms of sound and meaning, as well as playing around with the pace of the pieces so not to cause monotony inside the eardrums. Enjoy and any suggestions/opinions, send my way

Spotify Playlist (Listen in order!) 1. Walls by The Lumineers - First off, can I just say how excited I am to see new music from a group who never seems to disappoint both my ears and my heart. While listening for the first time I thought, "Wow what a great song, but this sounds kind of familiar" so when I showed it to my mom she said "Of course it sounds familiar, it's a cover of one of Tom Petty's songs" and then it made my heart that much fuller knowing that. Petty is known to have the American writing way of describing through metaphor exactly how love and relationships feel at a moment suspended in time. Using that craftsmanship and words that cut to the bone, The Lumineers created a cover that is so folky and vulnerable sounding, I am sure that Petty would not be disappointed in it. 2. I've Just Seen A Face by The Beatles - Continuing with classics that we may find hidden in corners of our mind, that pop out into existence from time to time, is this wonderful treasure from the Help! album, a beloved album to me and most of the world, I'm sure. I specifically chose this track because the title definitely created a supernatural element in my mind that translated to the feeling that love often gives, which is that it transcends regular human volition. It causes this reaction that cannot be expressed through regular conversation and absolutely needed to be sung about, which to me, is fantastic. Also, the really fast and frantic pace of the song adds to the urgency of the message of seeing someone in passing and instantly feeling a surge of love and the need to be with them at the moment. Falling in love is sometimes done in a slow motion type fall, but in this instance, it seems more immediate. 3. Moon Barks At The Dog by Saintseneca - The lyrical value that this song has is endless, and quite honestly, I could spend a long time doing an in depth analysis of this piece line by line, but for now I won't. The main thing I wanted to go in depth with a little bit is this image of the moon barking at the dog, which is just such a strange and abstract concept to grasp. Of course, the typical thing that someone would refer to is the dog barking at the moon, which is apparently a reference to the famous statement (I had no idea this existed): "It is common for the dog to bark at the moon, but if the moon barks back, the dog becomes famous." As a person who loves strange expressions, this has quickly become one of my favorites. There is also an entire verse that nods to Bruce Springsteen and his music not being the singer's cup of tea, which I disagree, but appreciate the reference anyway. 4. Los Ageless (cover) by The Wombats - I would say I'm sorry about including another version of the same song within two months, but I am not sorry at all because it is my firm belief that different versions of the same song can change it entirely and bring fresh perspective and possibly a new interpretation of meaning. Originally a St. Vincent song from her amazing album Masseducation, it was a more techno rock sound for sure, but this alternative group brought it down with a more acoustic sound fleshed out through it. I don't think the sound was altered so much that it changed the composition entirely, but the male voice for sure gave it a perspective which I was not expecting. To have a male singer express the notion "How could anybody have you and lose you and not lose their minds too?" makes me feel a glimmer of hope to diminish toxic masculinity. 5. More Than Romantic Love by St. Lenox - I don't know exactly what to classify this as and to be fair, I'm not sure that putting this artist in a box would be serving him justice in any way. I felt that I was having a conversation with a fellow new yorker while really really cool, eclectic music was playing in the background. And I loved it. Just all of the references to living in a place in time where you are losing someone because you cannot accept the fact that they only want a platonic love, not romantic. This goes deeper though, and examines how to deal with someone who is going through personal struggle and how to reach them emotionally while being sensitive to their needs. St. Lenox has such a soulful conversational tone that speaks freely about mental health, breakup and the nervousness of the city, also shout out to Washington Square. He's an artist on the rise for sure. 6. This Is The Day by The The - This is a classic example of a song with an upbeat, generally happy sounding tune that literally step by step tells about the woes that a person with depression has to go through. It actually really reminded me of a Smiths song, where the mood totally does not match the words, and this is a trope I absolutely love to see in older music. The image of eyes being red and burning when seeing daylight is so profound because insomnia is one of the main traits of depression, so this feeling of always feeling tired in the daytime is so relatable to hear about in song, which I never have before. The synthesized sound and the acordion that are strung throughout the song really emphasize the dichotomy of the sound and feeling, which also add the layer of how you look on the outside doesn't always match how you are on the inside. 7. Greyhound by Calpurnia - Have you ever made future plans with someone you are in a relationship with, thinking that basically you'll be with them forever, and then suddenly, the time for that plan comes around, except you're not together anymore? Yeah? Me too, and apparently the writer of this song was in this exact position because that's essentially what it's about to put it in base question format. But what really satisfied me concerning this song was not the super relatable storyline aspect, but the sarcastic way of telling something pretty sad, which seemed like an epic breakup and heart break. The whole "hats of to you, for you to go" is so sassy and like a middle finger in the center of a song about still having feelings for an ex-love, which was so fun to see. I hope the subject of this song listened to this song. 8. 15 Minutes by The Strokes - Whenever asked my top favorite bands, they are always at the top of the list. I don't know exactly what resonates with me, but I have been trying to pin point the moodiness and exacerbated feelings for awhile that me and this band seems to always share. I think it's the way that Casablancas always mutters some really sad yet humorous things while hard core guitar comes in and really great drum beats and a bass line are right in line with it. This song is no exception because it totally defies the meaning of telling someone how you feel and being comfortable with oneself about it; if I may be so bold, I think it generally classifies how one with lots of anxiety would go about telling feelings from a real perspective, rather insecurely and with the approach of joking about emotions in a very honest way. 9. Think I'm Still In Love With You by Joyce Manor - A new album by an awesome punk, angsty, emo rock band, news I will never be upset to hear about. Specifically, this artist has so many different qualities going past the initial relatable angst you feel when listening to the many, many, many songs they have about not being able to get over something or feeling like a burden in someone else's life constantly. This song has a clear shift in feeling though because the uncertainty is definitely present in terms of wanting to still be in love with someone because of a past emotion, but now things seem a bit hazier and they aren't so sure if the feelings are still quite there. This song comes about midway through the album, a really great placement on their part because it signifies perhaps a shift in weather during a one sided relationship and perhaps things will change thereafter. 10. So Tied Up by Cold War Kids and Bishop Briggs - Oftentimes I speculate from an outsider's look at a song, and piece together the meaning in relation to both the music and my own life. In this instance, I didn't really have to do so because the artist actually shared exactly what his intentions were with the meaning behind this song. He said, "With every new relationship, you either talk about previous relationship stuff (warts and all), or you just pretend like they never existed. Both are kinda terrible. When you go the full disclosure route it’s probably sincere, maybe you’re even praised for your vulnerability. However, you know it’s probably gonna be used against you later, in a fight, in the worst way." So that's that, and in terms of the gospel vibes I received from this alt rock song, I am very happy and get really pumped walking down the street to it. 11. Days On A Wire by Case - This instantly gives me the image of watching a movie scene where one person is lovingly thinking about another and kind of like sitting on a train looking out the window and considering their feelings, all wrapped up in desire. So now that I have shared my mental scene, let me explain that the really awesome acoustic with horns sounds that are produced in this piece add to the love song vibes that is perceived while listening. Also, the singer's voice is super dreamy and light, at some points seeming like barely more than a whisper of phrases, adding to the whimsical elements involved in the song. Actually, the horns in this song kind of act as a guitar usually would in terms of a melodic riff that occurs between verses and choruses, and I love this difference of instruments, a unique sound. 12. In The Morning I'll Be Better by Tennis - Taking some else's pain away is the hardest thing to do, especially when it's something not curable by care and devotion on it's own, but that's precisely what the artist is intending to say in this piece, which is tragically beautiful. So originally, I perceived this to be about someone's mental anguish and a relationship of sorts attempting to remedy this suffering by acceptance and love. In fact, this is not what the artist meant, but it's still a cool interpretation if I do say so myself. It was revealed that the writer's friend was deemed terminally ill and this was their way of processing the emotions that go into realizing that someone is most likely not going to get better. It is a love song that goes beyond love, but more about the wanting to take someone's pain and endure it so they don't have to. 13. Clueless by The Marías - Yes, yes, yes. My exact thoughts when seeing that this group came out with new music, when listening to the first few bars of the song, and then again when hearing the song two full times through (once for sound and another for words and meaning). The palpable tension heard in the song is so real for so many people when having an argument and to match the tension is the dialoguing throughout that basically says they can't handle the ups and downs going through the relationship anymore. I read that this was inspired by a spat between the vocalist and her significant other, drummer-producer Josh Conway. This revelation was incredible because imagine being in a band and a relationship with someone and having to create music while a major fight is going on. Me neither. 14. Running by Nicotine's Famous Honey - If I could title this anything other than what it is, I would title it "The Art of Just Barely Getting By In Our Fucked Up World" but that would not be as aesthetic as this aptly titled name. In the past, I have publicly argued against certain styles of music, simply because I knew less about music and didn't listen to enough genres on a regular basis. I am still trying to broaden my horizons, especially in terms of R&B and the Hip Hop genre in general, but this under emphasized artist is such a beautiful example of taking one genre that is criticized for being cliched and overdone and taking it to a whole different level. I love this combination of dream-pop, low-fi indie and hip hop and R&B all in one piece, and if you haven't looked into them, definitely check out some of their other music, it is so enticing. 15. Weird Honey by Elvis Depressedly - I'm taking the meaning of this song entirely from the artist because I think it can be interpreted a hundred different ways, depending on who you are thinking about while listening to it and what kind of mental state you are in too. Also we love to see an iconic guitar riff thrown in sporadically to a pretty sad low fi rock song, so that's a pretty cool spot in hell. The meaning though: "I lied before. It’s just an homage to Jesus and Mary Chain, and has no direct meaning. This is a love song so it could be seen as a pet name, or even a symbol of a love that is strange and new but full of sweetness. I find it incredibly strange that so many people have interpreted this song to be so negative, or even a break up song, when it’s the opposite. It’s a song about new love." There you have it. 16. Wings In All Black by Gregory Alan Isakov - If you are looking for an acoustic folk artist who puts emphasis on literally every single word and note of a song, look no further, he is right here, and also in my soul forever. Hailing from his brand new album, is this gem which sinks your heart to your stomach almost immediately upon listening. I believe this to be about having to rise up out of a really dark time in your life, despite not wanting to, the fact that instead of feeding the beast of loss, you have to grow wings of your own and fight against the demons you are experiencing. The image of having "wings in black" is a nod to the struggle between staying down in a bad place and having to come out of it no matter how impossible it seems at the time. I am now noticing a lot of these songs have to do with dealing with loss and mental health day by day, which is very important. 17. Should I by Arum Rae - I have to give entire props and credits for this song to my wonderful mother, who is always good for sending me songs to listen to on a weekly basis. Particularly, I first heard this song on my ferry ride home to New Jersey for the first time since leaving for college this year, so it has earned a really special place in my heart for the year. The piano is so present in this song, which as I have mentioned in previous posts, you don't get to see a lot in newer slow songs, which have become taken over by guitar a lot of the times. Also, Rae's voice questioning her every move and overthinking all her choices for the future is so heart felt and honest that you can't help but empathize with these feelings. The message of the song is maybe taking things one step at a time is the healthiest thing you can do when things get overwhelming in life. Yes. 18. How by Daughter - Ok, so finding out that most of the songs I have chosen for this week's mix surround the topics of loss and grieving past versions of self has become super illuminating in terms of my own maturation process. Staying topic though, this group always sheds light on the painful emotions rather than the pleasurable ones, which sometimes creates a dreary mood, but I like to view it as not being afraid to voice some negativity in order to clear it out of one's mind, which many people are apprehensive to do. This song describes pain as being in slow motion and I can't explain why that is true, but it is. The lines "hold me back, hold me back" in reference to wanting to go get someone that they have lost is so crucial to the theme of the song which is moving on from something while still having regrets in regards to the situation, feeling cheated or let down by someone. 19. Killer by Phoebe Bridgers - This playlist began with this song all by it's lonesome, but all along I knew that the rest of the pieces would be built around this, so I guess this has to be the reason why all the songs are so deeply related with one another. You may be thinking, wow I can't believe this song is about one's own death, this is really morose and ominous. Yes, I totally agree and think that it's really sad and death related, but knowing that it goes deeper than that is really vital to appreciating it's beauty. This is about a relationship being buried away and while doing so, dredging up all the past memories of loving a person. There is no remedy for knowing that two people are too much for one another, but this soulful lament is definitely a start. Also, Bridgers has noted that this song is in reference to Ryan Adams, famed songwriter who had a short fling with her when she was pretty young. 20. WALLS by Kings Of Leon - I did this on purpose, I made the first and last song both titled "walls" for a particular reason. I think they both serve very different purposes and perspectives to the metaphorical walls that are being broken down and simultaneously built up within a relationship. In the covered song that the Lumineers did, we see a shift to a more positive message of hearts having walls and climbing them is a struggle, but that it is worth it for the love we get to experience on the other side of it. In contrast, this very low tempo song (especially for Kings of Leon) is about kind of the exact opposite. This is about a man's ego being utterly shattered, exemplifying walls being torn down, in order to love a woman who just took his heart with her when she left. I don't think it's all sad though; I think this experience of walls coming down around someone to experience true loss of a person is so important for personal growth and strength. Thanks for listening and reading into things really deeply with me, catch you next week! Love & Listening,

Julia

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independent-fictional-mbti · 6 years

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Prague Race MBTI

Leona ENFP (The Improviser)

The ENFP goof is often wandering the unbeaten Ne dominance path, seeing things differently in ways that other types can’t accept or don’t understand. Their sense of genius is mistaken for oddity. They usually surprise others with their intelligence and success, because it is never how others would go about completing a given task or goal. Their genius word play is often seen as simply humorous rather than an indicator of a deeper intelligence. X

Colin ISTJ (The Inspector)

[Some ISTJ’s are] often being unwillingly controlled by their inferior Ne. They find the outer world with it’s constant change in meaning separate from their own deep, personal inner meaning is in conflict. They fear change and try to fight it with everything they have. If they admit that the world has this changing meaning outside of themselves they feel everything they believe in is threatened and are unable to cope with such conflict. They refer to their tertiary Fi for comfort and try to morally back their subjective perspective up with subjective judgement. Thereby fueling their own opinion and clinging to their personal identity, unchanging. X

Miko ISFP (The Supporter)

ISFPs are extremely perceptive and aware of others. They constantly gather specific information about people, and seek to discover what it means. They are usually penetratingly accurate in their perceptions of others. ISFPs are warm and sympathetic. They genuinely care about people, and are strongly service-oriented in their desire to please. They have an unusually deep well of caring for those who are close to them, and are likely to show their love through actions, rather than words. (Personality Page)

Sela ESTJ (The Coordinator)

ESTJs live in a world of facts and concrete needs. They live in the present, with their eye constantly scanning their personal environment to make sure that everything is running smoothly and systematically. They value competence and efficiency, and like to see quick results for their efforts. ESTJs are take-charge people. They have such a clear vision of the way that things should be, that they naturally step into leadership roles. They are self-confident and aggressive. They can sometimes be very demanding and critical, because they have such strongly held beliefs, and are likely to express themselves without reserve if they feel someone isn't meeting their standards. (Personality Page)

Toska ESFP (The Energiser)

ESFPs are vivacious entertainers who charm and engage those around them. They are spontaneous, energetic, and fun-loving, and take pleasure in the things around them: food, clothes, nature, animals, and especially people. ESFPs are typically warm and talkative and have a contagious enthusiasm for life. They like to be in the middle of the action and the center of attention. They have a playful, open sense of humor, and like to draw out other people and help them have a good time. (Truity)

Pam ESTP (The Troubleshooter)

ESTPs are energetic thrillseekers who are at their best when putting out fires, whether literal or metaphorical. They bring a sense of dynamic energy to their interactions with others and the world around them. They assess situations quickly and move adeptly to respond to immediate problems with practical solutions. Active and playful, ESTPs are often the life of the party and have a good sense of humor. They use their keen powers of observation to assess their audience and adapt quickly to keep interactions exciting. Although they typically appear very social, they are rarely sensitive; the ESTP prefers to keep things fast-paced and silly rather than emotional or serious. (Truity)

Tapio ESFP (The Energiser)

ESFPs are likely to be very practical, although they hate structure and routine. They like to "go with the flow", trusting in their ability to improvise in any situation presented to them. They learn best with "hands-on" experience, rather than by studying a book. They're uncomfortable with theory. If an ESFP hasn't developed their intuitive side, they may tend to avoid situations which involve a lot of theoretical thinking, or which are complex and ambiguous. On the other hand, the ESFP does extremely well in situations where they're allowed to learn by interacting with others, or in which they "learn by doing". (Personality Page)

Untamo INTP (The Architect)

The INTP has no understanding or value for decisions made on the basis of personal subjectivity or feelings. They strive constantly to achieve logical conclusions to problems, and don't understand the importance or relevance of applying subjective emotional considerations to decisions. For this reason, INTPs are usually not in-tune with how people are feeling, and are not naturally well-equipped to meet the emotional needs of others. The INTP may have a problem with self-aggrandizement and social rebellion, which will interfere with their creative potential. Since their Feeling side is their least developed trait, the INTP may have difficulty giving the warmth and support that is sometimes necessary in intimate relationships. If the INTP doesn't realize the value of attending to other people's feelings, he or she may become overly critical and sarcastic with others. (Personality Page)

Pikokai ENTP (The Catalyst)

ENTPs are idea people. Their perceptive abilities cause them to see possibilities everywhere. They get excited and enthusiastic about their ideas, and are able to spread their enthusiasm to others. In this way, they get the support that they need to fulfill their visions. ENTPs are less interested in developing plans of actions or making decisions than they are in generating possibilities and ideas. Following through on the implementation of an idea is usually a chore to the ENTP. For some ENTPs, this results in the habit of never finishing what they start. The ENTP who has not developed their Thinking process will have problems with jumping enthusiastically from idea to idea, without following through on their plans. The ENTP needs to take care to think through their ideas fully in order to take advantage of them. (Personality Page)

#prague race #webcomic #mbti #colin #leona #miko #sela #toska #pam #tapio #untamo #pikokai #istj #enfp #isfp #estj #esfp #estp #intp #entp

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spiritualesoterichighlevel · 4 years

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Leo is the sign of the Sun, the central heart of the solar system, majestic ruler of the heavens. In ancient times the Sun came to its full glory and reached the height of its annual ascent as it joined the stars in the constellation of the Lion. Ever since, lions have been portrayed in art, myth and iconography as powerful symbols of solar strength, supremacy, glory, light and brilliance.

Widespread hero myths, such as those of Gilgamesh, Oedipus, Orion, Hercules or Samson, bear tales of wrestling with the lion; all have been identified as calendar myths that relate to the story of the sun's journey through the sky. As the hero does battle with the lion, he absorbs the solar qualities and takes them as his own. In the widely reported Greek myth, Leo is said to commemorate the fierce Nemean Lion, brother of the sphinx, which Hercules must defeat in the first of his trials. The Nemean lion is a symbol of the fierce and devastating summer heat that ravishes the land. No weapon, stone, club or instrument made of iron or bronze can penetrate its skin; it is an 'impossible' task, unyielding to cunning, craft or speed. Hercules can only succeed by summoning the entire strength of his being, the full magnitude of his inner will and fixed, determined spirit. His conquest becomes a testimony to the power of mind over matter, the individual's capacity to move heaven and earth and attain the unattainable through the process of connecting with the heart of one's being and giving full reign to the creative force that resides, mainly dormant, within.

As the sign of the Sun, Leo is characterised by courage, an invincible attitude, and the gift of unsuppressed will to rise above the ordinary. Anatomically, Leo has rulership over the heart and blood; symbolically, it also signifies the metaphorical parallels that see the heart as the centre of strength and vitality, and the 'blood raising' process as one that allows us to engage in battles - moral, physical, territorial or political - free from the restraints of logical recognition of consequences or instinctive awareness of limitations. The word 'courage' derives from the Latin word for the heart, Cor, and literally means 'to take heart' (and therefore overcome one's fears). In the 'blood raising' process we become bigger, more powerful, more conscious and more capable than we normally consider ourselves to be, and Leos have an easy ability to take on this grander persona whenever they feel the need to assert qualities of superiority.

The Sun is a natural symbol for power and command. Traditionally, the Sun represents the captain, the boss, the leader or the king. In Leo the lion, the 'king of the beasts', the theme of majestic grandeur is never far from the observable traits. Put simply, whatever opinions anyone else may have on the matter, a Leo perceives him- or herself as the royal center of activity. Lions are territorial animals and care little about what happens outside the boundaries of their own terrain; similarly, all Leos will have an area that they view as 'their kingdom' - their rightful place to shine where they can become the nucleus that directs, organizes and orchestrates. To some it is the domestic environment; to others, a hobby or intellectual pursuit; others yet may find it in a wider professional or political arena. Wherever this 'kingdom' exists, a Leo will take great pride and pleasure in being viewed as someone to look up to. Treat them with respect, and they demonstrate that well-earned reputation for a broad-minded, enthusiastic and magnanimous disposition.

However, should a Leo have cause to view another as a predator, then never was a creature more sensitive or responsive to assumed slights and imagined threats. Open-minded tolerance and relaxed confidence fall away as ego-driven urges swing into gear. A Leo as an adversary makes a bloody-minded opponent and the dominating qualities of this sign are such that they rarely feel appeased with victory unless it involves the total annihilation of the threat. Leos are well known for sensitivity to their own emotions, and yet they are far less empathetic to the thoughts and feelings of others; hence this sign has one of the most fearsome reputations amongst the zodiac signs for exhibiting brutal or extreme behaviour. Ancient astrologers referred to Leo as 'bestial', meaning responsive to primordial instincts rather than higher reasoning; and 'feral' because it was considered capable of savage and ferociously destructive traits. This is the darker side of the Leo. It is rarely explored in sun-sign columns that dwell on the warmth, vitality, and sunshine-filled aura that Leos generally demonstrate when they are not being pushed to the limits of their behaviour. Other negative traits include a tendency towards being dogmatic, a bullying mentality, self-conceit, vanity, and a snobbish, patronizing disposition.

Leo's element is fire and its nature is hot and dry. Fire types are characterised by spontaneity; swift, intuitive responses; vivacious and infectious ways of relating to others, and high energy levels. They are attracted to passion, drama and crave attention. This latter is particularly evident in Leos, who revel in positions that draw attention to them; where it is not forthcoming they will make conscious and unconscious attempts to foster it though the use of strong, vivid colours, dramatic gestures and overblown expressions.

Traditionally the fire signs are termed Choleric, deriving from the Greek term Khole, meaning 'bile'. In humoral philosophy the bile is considered the seat for the expression of anger, thus choleric types are often considered irascible and quick to show their temper: externally in their words and actions, and internally through the way that their blood rate increases with their passions, leading to throbbing temple veins and flushed-red complexions. Nicholas Culpeper noted that such types are by nature "quick witted, bold, unshamedfaced, furious, hasty, quarrelsome" yet also "courageous". He described them as often full of anger and light in movement with a pulse which is swift and strong.[1]

However, Leo is a fixed sign and therefore the propensity for hasty action is moderated. Leos are unlikely to respond to every trifling event and generally take time to let their opinions form, during the process of which many minor irritations resolve themselves. They are often referred to as simple-minded, meaning that they tend to relate to things exactly as they are expressed and see them just as they appear on the surface. Communication should be plain, simple and direct, though literary types may reveal a signature of flamboyance in rich and colourful, artistic expressions. Leos don't make a habit of looking for deeper meanings, neither do they have a very detailed eye, but tend to appreciate things from the broader perspective. This gives them a talent for seeing the whole picture and suits their leadership skills in that they have breadth of vision and a ready grasp of the overall shape of things. But they are out of their depth when dealing with the essential detailed practicalities that make the vision work and often rely upon the co-operation and support of more discerning types to ensure that particulars are not overlooked.

Leos are commonly reported as being opposed to pettiness, and they seem to possess an optimistic belief that everything will work itself out in the fullness of time. Whilst a conviction that sweet providence is taking care of them is generally a blessing that sustains their confidence, and such buoyancy usually does foster success, this attitude can lead to major problems, especially when their disinterest in practical details combines with their leaning towards extravagance and exaggerated plans. Limitations of all sorts are alien to the Leo nature; and many Leos are poor at budgeting themselves or restricting their financial output to what they can actually afford. They are prone to ostentatious financial commitments and material indulgences that incline them to live at the edge of their means if not beyond. Periods when balancing the books is necessary can be a very depressing time for Leos; this often comes in the form of a crisis that can no longer be ignored. The importance of self-limitation is a lesson that ought to be driven home to all young Leos, but their lack of natural talent in this area is part of the downside of having a colourful attitude towards living life to the fullest.

As lovers and partners Leos are a strange mix of contradictory traits. They are known for being expressive, extravagant and warm with their affections, but equally they have a self-obsessed quality that can become a point of conflict in one-to-one relationships based on a platform of mutual equality. They can go through periods of excluding the partner, being totally absorbed in their own interests, and then make grand romantic gestures, becoming overwhelming charming for a while in an effort to make up for their neglect. Leos are usually loyal and straightforward with their emotions, striving for stability; they dislike subtle game playing and put great store by honesty and openness. However, traditionally, the sign is not a favourable one for marriage because Leos basically have a problem with sharing their field and maintain rigid, inflexible views on the essential way that life should be. Successful relationships can occur with partners that are more flexible in their approach, able to tolerate periods of exclusion in exchange for lots of fuss and attention from time to time, and especially if that partner is malleable enough to maintain independent interests whilst helping to support the Leo in mundane practicalities.

There is usually no shortage of romantic candidates drawn to their vibrant and charismatic appeal and young love can be intensely passionate. Like all the fire signs, Leos are idealistic and don't hold back from expressing their passion. They are extremely responsive to romantic attention, which is very gratifying to their ever-hungry ego, and as such they can suffer from rash romantic liaisons that are impetuous and unsuitable on a long term basis. "Guileless are the sentiments of their honest heart" claimed Manilius in the 1st century AD [2] - they are often said to act foolishly by placing too great a faith in human nature and expecting other people to see things in the simple, black and white shades that colour their vision.

All of the sun signs show us the traits that we can use to connect with a powerful force that makes us distinguished individuals, capable of rising above our habitual fears. The faults of the Leo are no more than the extremes of a nature that recognizes this most easily of all. Where the Sun shines, truth, nobility and pure-penetrating vitality can be found. Used consciously, Leo represents an elemental power that is healing, light-bringing, direct, joyous and strong. We simply need to remember that the lion can act like a pussy-cat at times, but it in its own heart it is always a magnificent creature that can never be fully tamed or manipulated against its will.

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