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atierrorian · 1 month

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| Glad it's you | — R.H

PARING: Rook Hunt x Deaf!reader

SYNOPSIS: All your entire life, you knew silence. But—it isn't as bad as people make it out to be. Because even with your biggest flaw, he still chose you.

˗ˏˋGENRE ´ˎ˗ — Romance, fluff, angst/comfort

˗ˏˋCW ´ˎ˗ — Rook is already a warning. Ooc, mentions of bullying, stalking(It's Rook, duh) horrible poetry.

˗ˏˋNOTES ´ˎ˗ — Wow! It has been a while and I am so sorry for not making anything in quite some time, I've become so busy nowadays that writing has barely crossed my mind, so I'll make most of my free time writing this!

✎| Masterlists|Navigation |

♡ "Are you really willing to accept me?" ♡ "I've accepted you a long time ago."

People always pitied you for as long as you can remember now. Frequently assuming it must be hard not being able to hear. And yeah, sometimes—but it isn't as bad as they make it out to be, if anything, you find solace in the silent world you have lived in all your life. Sure, there were times when it was hard to understand people, especially if they didn't know sign language.

Luckily, you mostly used poems to interact with them. Though, it was amusing to see them struggle to grasp your poems—that's what makes it fun anyway.

And so, making use of your skills, you swiftly wrote down another poem for a certain hunter. He's one of the few people you've known who could actually decipher what your poems meant. And it's not to say each and every time you show him your masterpiece, he always seems to be on your level when it came to writing back to you.

It always makes you feel giddy inside when he writes back to you. Re-reading every syllable. Caressing the ink that was clearly carefully written with such consideration with each word he used, you couldn't help but feel as though he was hinting to you about something.

You scoffed; shaking the thought away. Who were you trying to fool? This was the Rook Hunt you were thinking about! He's like this with everyone. Besides—why would he go for someone who had a defect? To say the least, you weren't insecure with your disability but, thinking about the blonde hunter who seemed to always cross your mind whenever you wrote—you couldn't help but feel your heart tightening in your chest from such thoughts.

In the end, why would he choose you? You're nothing special, far from it anyway. You're just someone who could never hear and someone who just writes to communicate. But, even then, you were still wrapped around his fingertips. And besides—it doesn't hurt to hope, right?

You felt a hand placed on your shoulder, you froze. You had never stayed still like a statue so fast in your entire life until now. What? Millions of thoughts were racing through your mind right now—was it another of the students who were here to once again chuck balled up papers again? Take your poems away from you and ripped them to pieces or flames it until there's nothing left but ashes?

"Awww, what's this? Another one of your silly stories?"

"Look! It's another one of their love poems!"

"Pathetic if you ask me."

You didn't focused on them, you never even knew what they were saying, and you could care less what insults or degrading comments they were spewing from their filthy mouth. Your knees on the ground while clutching onto what was remains of the paper you once cherished. And they tore it all up like it was nothing.

Shuddering from the memory, you closed your eyes and continued to look at your lap; prepared for whatever torture they were gonna do to you again. Tore your poems? Throw paper at you? Mocking at you while you cry in tears because they had nearly killed you? What else did they had in store for you?

You gripped the paper even harder, shutting your eyelids even tighter if that was even possible. You were scared.

Huh.

You felt a piece of paper slid onto your lap, hesitantly, bit by bit, you forced your eyes to open to see what it was. Was it an insult written in a letter? If so, then you're surprised that they were even intelligent enough to finally realized that you had a hearing disability instead of using their vocals to try and insult you.

But no, it was not anything you expected or thought. Instead, your vision was blessed with a familiar handwriting. Subconsciously, you read what was was written on the white letter that graced your sight, and goodness it always doesn't fail to make your blood rushing through your face. By the sevens, how does he always make you feel this way?

Why such a blue face? You don't need to be ashamed of such a heartache; If you need someone to wipe your tears, my heart will gladly volunteer; What you consider flaws, is what I consider perfection —

Mon Cherie, you are the belle of my dairy heart, You, sweetheart, have me wrapped around your fingertips; I will never let go of the string that wraps around my wrist; That connects me, to you.

My heart beats loudly; even you could hear it— If your heart longs for anything, Mon cherie, just write to me; And tell me all your silly sorrows. -Rook Hunt

Though it was short and simple, you couldn't help but re-read the words every now and then. You smiled seeing the words written on the paper. How could you not? His words sweet like candy, it was addicting in a way even you were worried you wouldn't get enough of it. Or maybe it's too late for you.

Your heart started racing so fast you thought even you could hear it. The more you examined the poem the more it started to look like a love confession. But it couldn't be that, could it? You so badly wanted to hope that you had a chance but you didn't want to get your hopes up.

You, sweetheart, have me wrapped around your fingertips.

Those lines, shit, you couldn't help but swoon over them. Clutching the poem, you finally gazed at the author with wonders and hope. He smiled at you and signed those three words you've been waiting to see.

"I love you."

Was it even possible for your heart to be beating faster than it was before? You held the poem closer to your beating heart, trying to conceal it; worried he might hear it. It felt like your heart was about to leap out of your chest. You sighed dreamily and thanked your heart for choosing him.

Meanwhile, Rook chuckled seeing your flustered expression. He found beauty in all things whether it was considered good or bad to others. But he found you the most beautiful of them all. He won't lie, he fell for you hard when he saw you. Because even when he learnt about your flaw, it didn't matter to him; you were still the fairest of them all. You weren't able to hear his words—but that's alright; he'll gladly write thousands or more letters if it meant to show you just how much he loves you.

He'd gladly and happily dance in hot and burning shoes if it meant to show you his devotion to you, just to show how much he cares for you. And if anyone were to make you doubt? Let's just say they wouldn't be coming closer to you anymore if they caused you pain. But before that, he'd come and comfort you, with words written on paper just so all your worries would go away.

Even if his fingers start to go numb and bruises appear, he won't stop until he finally sees you smile. He's glad that his heart chose you.

END

Wow! Uhm, heyy ik it's been awhile but I finally found enough inspiration to make this! Again sorry it's been awhile I've been so busy that I barely found any time to write at all, but I do hope you guys liked this!

#atier's works✎#rook hunt x reader #twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #twst fluff #twst scenario

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room-surprise · 3 months

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Hey! Fun question, how do you think an in-canon kabumisu confession would go? People keep portraying mithrun as blunt and straightforward about their relationship, but would he be scared to tell kabru in the chance that he'd say no and leave? Is the desire to just be in a relationship with kabru, or is the desire of not wanting to scare him off greater than that? I'm so starved on the lack of post-canon kabumisu content, they make me go crazy

As usual, I'll try not to go into TOO much detail because then I won't be motivated to write fic about it... and I AM planning to write a post-canon Kabumisu fic anon, so don't worry. I'll get there eventually :3

They make me go crazy too 😔

I think Mithrun's a complicated guy with complicated emotions. Even when he was "empty" in the dungeon he actually showed a lot of feelings - smug satisfaction, annoyance, anger, even a little bit of subtle happiness.

So while I DO think he will still be blunt in general, I also think it's a mistake to assume that means he doesn't feel things and won't have anxieties and insecurities just like any other person.

Mithrun used to be WILDLY insecure, and jealous, and paranoid. He just stopped caring about anything, but if, like the end of the manga suggests, he is going to try to START caring again, he will then start to have feelings, too.

I think Mithrun is intensely aware of his own "undesirability", that's one of the reasons he's BEEN so depressed. Most of his self-worth before the dungeon hinged on being "better" than his brother, and better than other people. Then he looses that (or maybe he was never actually better at all!), so what does he have left? And now his youth is gone too, he's middle-aged and lost his "best years" to depression. He's disabled, he's scarred, he's a bastard that nobody wants.

It's a pretty huge fall from "most eligible bachelor in the empire"!

So I think no, he won't just bluntly tell Kabru that he likes him. It will take Mithrun awhile to realize how he feels, and once he does, he'll be afraid to reach out, so he's going to do what I call "playing silly little elf games". He's going to try and flirt via writing letters and sending gifts, to hint that he likes Kabru.

Luckily for Mithrun, Kabru also knows how to play Silly Little Elf Games (he's an Olympic champion), so he picks up the signals and starts reciprocating, though he's also uncertain and worried that he's misunderstanding. Captain Mithrun couldn't be flirting with him, could he? But... what if he is?

(I will go into Kabru's feelings at a later date anon i promise.)

I think the thing that will ultimately push Mithrun to act is the fear that he'll miss his chance. Mithrun realizes Kabru is a limited time deal that he can only enjoy for the next 60-something years, and he wants every minute of that time for himself, no matter how much it will someday hurt to lose Kabru.

And he also knows that Kabru is very handsome and charming, and he can't expect Kabru to wait for Mithrun to get himself figured out. Someone else will swoop in and snatch that man up, so Mithrun has to hurry.

ALL OF THAT SAID... I think their confession is a lot less of a confession, and much more "we have both been picking up these signals of interest for months/years, and finally one of us pushes it a little bit further than we've ever pushed it before and we acknowledge the unspoken thing that has been growing between us."

Maybe it's a hand resting on someone's leg, or a gentle touch on the arm. Maybe it's leaning in so their shoulders touch. Maybe it's looking into each other's eyes a little bit longer than normal.

Probably it involves both of them admitting "Spending time with you makes me happier than anything else in the world. Whenever we're apart all I think about is when I'm going to see you again. I spend hours composing letters to you in my mind. I want us to spend our days together, no matter what shape that takes."

It's very vulnerable and scary for both of them, and I think they're both DEEPLY relieved after they finally get it out, and they don't get rejected. They know each other so well, and they're so good at reading people - they both thought that the other might feel the same way, but it's so scary to take that leap of faith and hope that they're right.

And just for the record, I think that Kabru worries about if Mithrun will be interested in sex or not, because sex is something that matters to Kabru, but what if Mithrun just doesn't have any desire for it?

And so before they get into a relationship Kabru has a long hard think about it, and decides that even if they never have sex, he wants to be in a romantic relationship with Mithrun anyway, because just being around him makes him feel happy, and understood, and like he isn't alone anymore. There's someone who sees him as he is, all the good and the bad, and says "I love you anyway."

And Kabru decides that he's willing to just jerk off for the rest of his life if that's the price of this relationship that he wants.

Luckily for Kabru, I think Mithrun does want to have sex with him, but I like to think that Kabru thinks through all the possibilities and decides that no matter what they end up doing together, being with Mithrun is worth it.

#dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #dunmeshi #kabru #mithrun #kabumisu #my stuff #theories #kabrun

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privitivium · 3 months

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I have a thing for aphrodisiacs...mind writing that with johnny joestar...? 😖

i dont mind at all, pal. idiot loser buys foreign candy. ahemhrm.

brattish subbot johnny joestar x soft domtop m

cw/c ;; unknowingly consuming drugs,,, brief overstim,,. disabled johnny - can still feel his genitals, frotting :p sorry for any mistakes

“come on johnny, what's the harm?!” you tease him, pinched fingers holding a piece of hard candy to the blondie's blue lipstick covered lips that you fancied yourself having a taste; arm slung around his shoulder in the comfort of your shared fancy hotel room you bought after making it to the checkpointㅡ

“my harm is that you bought that shit from a sketchy looking guy who had girls’ underwear stapled to his chest!” johnny complained, tossing you a glare from his side of the bed, partially shoving you away with a huff, “no one in their right mind would consume anything from a guy as suspicious as that. you're an idiot.” he mutters plainly, scrounging around in his bag to distract himself from the heat of your body next to his, leaning on himㅡ"well, i guess i am an idiot!” you huff, promptly crunching on the candy just to irritate him further.

“yes, i already know that..” johnny grits, rolling his shoulder back to shove your arm off him,. “you're probably gonna be poisoned. and then we're gonna leave you to be buried here, we don't wanna drag around dead weight.” he snickers at his own attempt at a joke, grinning.. “yeah, yeah.. i know how much you'd like that.” you stand abruptly, meandering toward the other side of the bed. a barrier of pillows placed by johnny, provided by the hotel, splitting the bed into two sides. you fiddle around with the nightstand, sucking on another smaller piece, before standing and making your way toward the windowㅡjohnny tensing at the sound of shuffling, trying to resist the urge to look at you in case you were already staring at him - the thought makes his heart palpitate a little harderㅡscribbling something in a miscellaneous notebook that wasn't for logging, thinking that he actually pissed you off,,,

now standing at the window of the shared room, overlooking the town as you suck dutifully on the candy - you didnt think it was sketch, the guy with panties stapled to his chest had a total assortment in his trenchcoat, and you saw a few other people buying off him before you!! he even had his own sign and a stall saying what he sells! you don't think its that bad.. an orange hard candy, rolling over your tongue.. tangy, sweet. yummy - before johnny joins you, rolling over and peeking out the window to see what was so fascinating to keep your gaze.. nothing too spectacular.. he side-eyes your tensed form, glancing down at the window sill and spotting a couple of tiny crumpled wrappers along the wood.. he figured you would have eaten them all already, but you seem to be pacing yourself... he hums faintly, curiosity piqued, seeing as they didn't seem to be taking effect if they were poisoned?? you were quite stupid in his eyes, taking candy from a stranger..

johnny purses his baby blue lips, hands in his lap before he was looking up at you;; “can I have one?” johnny held out his hand, eyes narrowed as he looked up at you, asking rather politely.. “jeez, alright, fine..” you huff as if it were the most tedious thing,,, a smile gracing your lips as you drop the paper wrapped candies into his awaiting palm, excited to share your treat with a man that expressed dislike for you..,,

“maybe it takes a while for the effects to kick in..” johnny snarks, yet pinches his fingers and tosses one of the hard candies in his mouth, rolling his tongue over the hard sugar, not allowing himself to hum in delight at the taste… not allowing you the satisfaction of being right that it does taste good. “then we die together.”

you bit your tongue, refraining yourself from asking about his dreams, goals, and gyro;; settling on.. “ew.. how disgustingly romantic.” you hiss in distaste, face burning with bashfulness, trying to play it off as a warm feeling begins spreading along your loins… a-ah.. hrnn.. “i'm tired.” you complain, ignoring the growing problem in your pants, turning away from johnny and company ( window ), “wh-what?” he stutters, eyes widening in surprise as you shuffle away from him - did he do something? REALLY!? did he piss you off,,, watching in slight surprise as you put away the candy and yourself away.. johnny huffs softly, before rolling himself back over to his side… shoving the blankets out of the way and helping himself onto the bed. he had no other choice but to do as you were, feeling a little awkward to do anything else.. you, squirming around on the other side of the barrier - turning on your side so that it wouldn't be that prominent,,,, jesus, your body was on fire. sweaty. it was a few minutes after you suddenly jumped into bed,,, squirming around with a dick aching to be touched,,, body dripping in sweat. you shuffle around in the dim light, not trying to awaken johnny as you presume he's already fallen asleep,,, struggling to unbutton your shirt and face the ceiling - a slight tent visible, the bulkiness of the blanket not helping,,

johnny interrupts your writhing with an utter of your name with a slight grit, breathlessness to his voice - he was laying on his back, mimicking your position. not that you could see anyhow, you jolt, surprised to hear his voice - you could feel the itchiness of the pre-cum lathering your tip and fabric of your underwear,,, “quit your moving.. i can't sleep with you moving around like that.” he complains softly - your thighs rub together, before completely stilling.

“yes, sorry johnny.” you quip back mutely, whispering. another minute passes, and you were growing increasingly restless and annoyed. should you jerk off in the bathroom? that is obviously the best option right now, but you can't help yourself, laying on your back, hands fidgeting at your sides. the warmth, an ache in your cock to be touched… you trail your hands over your abdomen, trailing lower underneath the blanket while staring straight up at the ceilingㅡ“f/n.” johnny's voice breaks you of your stupor, calling out your name so faintly you'd think you hallucinated itㅡreminding you of how close you were on the bed, pillows as a barrier or notㅡ

“yes, johnny?” your voice cracks as you reply meekly, a stark contrast to how you were acting just before, hands stationed at your sides - thinking that you were caught trying to touch yourself. the blanket shifts over you and rubs against your tent... you- you couldn't handle it.. the warmth spreading to your face, overtaking your abdomen, almost as if you were downing a bottle of liquor of some kindㅡ

"i.. i need help.”

you sit upward, looking over the pillow barrier worriedly - ignoring your boner for the sake of pleasing johnny and to help with whatever he possibly needs and turning on the lightㅡcome to find out he was dealing with a problem himself, staring wide-eyed at the ceiling with a face flushed red in the dim light, breathing relatively heavily before he sits himself up, the blanket falling off of his chest to his lap where… yes you can obviously see a bit of a tent there…

“help?” you murmur meekly, staring at him - reaching out and touching on his arm without even meaning to do so - your erection throbs with a heartbeat. ew. “help with what?” you continue worriedly, hand grazing upwards toward his neck.

“you know what, you idiot..” he couldn't help but hiss affectionately, having a liking for insulting you, letting himself lean over the barrier of pillows, partially against you. “you're such a moron, how could you let yourself be subjected to your stupid candy-eating habits? now look where it got us.” johnny.. as smart as ever. totally. obviously, if you both feel the same way, it must have been.. of course, a sketchy ass guy would sell you.. that kind of weird things. he would continue to berate you - but he needed to feel you, now. now, as in.. inside him, or you.. his hand grazing over his bulge shamelessly, which your eyes follow dutifully - squeezing your thighs together.

“yeah.. yeah sure.. uh .. uh huh..” in a messy haze, you tore yourself away, body on autopilot as you yank the blankets and sheets away - tossing the pillows to the side. johnny,,, laid out in the middle, hair splayed out on the pillows to support his head,,, lazily rubbing in between his legs..,,, you didn't have it in you to speak, as you were in a rush to be bare as a cloudless sunny sky, rushing to help johnny as he so begged you in his own way, having sit up and began trying to lift them off before you gently move his hands away - tugging them off completely, pushing him back and climbing atop him - noting how pretty his dick was, flushed an angry red and pre-cum pearling.. you shudder, tensing.. before taking him in your arms, holding him in, chest to chest and rutting your slick bare cock against his, grunting in his neck and nibbling on his neck - before he was squirming to push you off before he came so easily - unable to voice his pleasure as he was breathless in such a short amount of time, “s-s’ enough..” he grunts, drool slipping down his chin which you eagerly lean inward and lap up, smearing blue lipstick along your face and his - “need y’.. you.. in.” he squirms, trying to push you away, trying to get you to go downward - which you excitedly follow - after nearly cumming on top of johnny's dick from merely rubbing yourselves togetherㅡ

before you found your oil lubed up fingers pumping into his writhing, whining form - one of his legs hiked up just so you could see your fingers disappearing inside him,,, so lewd. before you began complaining, that he needs to feel you inside him - not your fingers. yo-you're cock, which he's been obviously eyeing up with the way it's been positively fucking sobbing with cum,, you slide up behind him, spooning him from behind and shifting your arm underneath him, under his arm just to shove your digits in his mouth while you spread him open;; eager to direct yourself into him; eager to be inside - eager to feel something warm and fleshy squeezing on your cock, yet you take your time with your hand palming on the fat of his thigh - unable to take your eyes off of his lower back side like the hungry admiring pervert you are,,, “hurry up.” johnny hisses - embarrassed at his neediness as he fidgets with his fingers - before yours were shoved in his mouth. the urge to completely chomp your fingers off waiving, as he laps up the sweat accumulated,, before you slowly push upwards, hand keeping his leg upward for you to enter,,, tip pushing passed his previously stretched ring of muscle, nearly cumming after you bottom out inside him, his squeezing gummy walls tensing around your cock - whimpering into the nape of his neck, before willing yourself to fuck into him sloppily,,,

“y-you.. feel so good, johnny…” you murmur, your usually chipper voice broken down to a mere whisper. his heart fluttering at your raspy voice, breathless as you tell him how good he feels,,, biting on your fingers and lapping up hisㅡyour fluids that coated your digits,, pumping ever so softly into his mouth, barely noticeable..

“,, i love youu,,” you bumped your head against his, nuzzling your nose into his cheek while nestled deep inside him;; bodies dripping in sweat so disgustingly in the comfort of a soft, cozy bed with the blankets strewn about on the floor.. johnny was sure that your confession was only because of your idiocy and dumb brain overloaded with lust,,, but still,, he involuntarily echoes it to you in a gentle, fond manner... blaming it all on your stupid candy and idiocy,,,..

#jojo =͟͟͞͞★#johnny joestar x male reader #johnny joestar x m reader #x male reader #dom male reader #top male reader #x dom male reader #x top male reader #jojo's bizzare adventure x male reader #hoorayyyy!!!

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kayas-kosmos · 1 year

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Autism Symbol Dragon.

This is the autism symbol as a dragon. I did this to represent the influence my autism has on my art. This is a public domain drawing and anyone can use it for any reason.

I really like the infinity autism symbol over all others, especially the Godawful puzzle piece. It really encapsulates the diversity of our community and how unique every autistic individual is. But I wanted to do a little spin on it by turning it into a dragon to add some extra meaning. A dragon to me is the symbol of the imagination itself, since dragons are so diverse in of themselves and can look like or represent anything. But as well as imagination, I think the dragon also represent resilience and a ferocious passion.

My webcomic is absolutely full of different types of dragon. Here are just a few examples:

(Can you tell dragons are one of my special interests?)

I was diagnosed at about 3 and I've had a very mixed relationship with being autistic until recently. There was a time when I really hated having to bear the label of “autistic” and tried for years to erase that part of me because of the stigma. Being an artist allowed me to get away with being a bit weird because I could chalk it up to just being "an eccentric artist," but there was also the side of me that needed extra accommodations and help, the less glamorous side. I would often push myself to be as neurotypical as I could in these areas and I developed a debilitating fear of becoming a burden on others, to the point where it started damaging my mental health. Eventually, I developed panic attacks due to overworking myself (and struggles with accepting myself as queer), autistic shutdowns became more frequent and this lead to further humiliation and a further disgust towards my autism.

It wasn't until I became a freelancer a few years ago that I realised how much damage trying to hold myself to neurotypical standards was having on me. While being able to work remotely was a dream since it meant not having to deal with the sensory nightmare that is using the local bus service, it also meant I experienced autistic burnout more frequently. Then I came across the autistic community on Twitter, where I started to discover so much about myself and how my brain works.

I also made a lot of incredible friends through this and even had the courage to publicly come out as queer. Now I fully embrace being autistic, even the parts that society deems “unacceptable” like stimming and not making eye contact. I am happy in who I am and no longer see myself as a burden.

Sadly, there is often a discussion about whether autism should be cured or not, a discussion that should absolutely not be happening because autism is not a disease. If you "cured" my autism, you would also remove my art. My art and my autism are inseparable and one does not exist without the other. Autism has given me the ability to think outside the box and traits like my monotropism allow me to hyperfocus on a project until its completion. Having spoken to many autistic creatives throughout my life, a good chunk of our struggles do not come from being autistic itself, rather society’s refusal to accept or accommodate us. Many of us could achieve great things and truly innovate society, but there are too many systemic barriers in the way preventing us from doing so, and no amount of “hard work” or “conquering our disability” (fuck inspiration porn, seriously) can change that because individualistic solutions do not fix systemic problems. Simple solutions such as disability benefits that actually properly cover our living costs, a higher wage for carers of disabled people and proper work accommodations (including the option for remote work) would mean the world of difference for us.

Now personally, I am a bit more radical in my thinking and I believe the current system of Neoliberal Capitalism needs to be done away with entirely because ableism is built into Capitalism itself. This is what has drawn me to ideas such as anarchism and the Solarpunk movement. In particular, I try to live by the "12 principles of Permaculture" to the best of my ability. I think "Embrace Diversity" and "Produce No Waste" can be applied to living as a disabled person, since disabled people are often seen as a waste product under this system and embracing our differences means we are not wasted.

For those of you who have followed me for a while, you may have noticed that my art, like me, is weird. I love to embrace the weird and the quirky. My creatures are whimsical and bizarre. My characters all tend to be quirky outsiders. I have always been drawn to surrealism and absurdism, the work of Salvador Dali in particular really caught my attention.

Art has always been a safe way for me to explore the unusual and alien, and it has been a voice for me when speaking words fail. I use it to explore the things that frighten me and to help process a chaotic world. As weird as my art is, I think the weirdness and absurdity is a reflection of how weird and absurd our modern world is and how little sense it makes to me anymore.

There are often themes of environmentalism and the profound beauty of nature, influenced heavily by growing up in an area of natural beauty. Furthermore, the theme of "empathy for monsters" is a personal favourite. Maybe the reason why there are so many weird, twisted and grotesque monsters and creatures with tragic backstories in my webcomic universe is because I see myself in them - just weird little off-putting things that want compassion and to be understood.

As I have grown as a person, so has my art. The more I learn about my autism, the more I can open up and the better I can express myself.

On a final note, if you would like to support me and the work I do, please consider donating a Ko-Fi. It would really help me push towards my goal of finally launching my webcomic, plus it would also allow me to talk more about important topics surrounding disability, sustainable living and art/creature stuff.

Happy new year, everyone! And especially to all of my autistic and neurodivergent comrades out there.

#autism #actually autistic #neurodivergent #queer autistic #autistic artist #fantasy artist #digital artist #fantasy illustration #autism symbol #infinity symbol #creature design #dragon art #dragon artist #autistic art #autism art #permaculture #solarpunk

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eddiediaaz · 1 year

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hello. it’s me again who asked for the ripped paper tutorial. i can’t wait to try it out later!! are you able to make a tutorial on how you put the text on the ripped paper? thank you so much ☺️

hello! sure! i'll explain how i made the ripped paper effect from this gifset in more details under the cut 😊 (it’s a different method than what i did on my previous tutorial here)

i apologize in advance for my lack of coherence, i’m not always the best at explaining stuff, especially not in english haha

first things first: make your gif, color it, sharpen it etc etc, and put all of it's layers in a group. i called mine “blended gifs”. oh and make sure you are in timeline mode, not frame animation!

then you want to import the ripped paper texture(s) you want to use onto your canvas and position them the way you want them to be on top of your gif, like this:

(i am using these textures for most of this gifset)

what you want to do next is create a mask of this torn up area so the gif layers only show up around the "hole". to do that, select the texture layer and press "ctrl" while clicking on the texture's thumbnail. this will create a selection of your ripped paper texture (you'll see a flashing dotted line showing your selection).

btw: the ctrl + click method works only if the image/texture has transparency like this texture does.

[if you want yo create your own torn/ripped shape with 2 or more textures, you can place them on top of each other and create a mask by doing ctrl + selecting the thumbnail of the first one, then while still holding ctrl, also hold the shift key and click on the second texture’s thumbnail (and the third, fourth, etc). this will add the shapes to the same selection and then you can create one layer mask with all of the shapes selected together.]

with that selection still active, you want to select your gif's folder you created earlier and click on the add layer mask button.

this will create a mask for the ripped paper edges on your gif, the group layer should look like this:

now disable the torn paper texture (by clicking on the eye next to it, you won’t need that torn paper texture layer again), and your gif should look like this so far:

as you can see, there's a transparency issue, and we're losing the top part of the gif. to fix that, you need to brush some white color onto the mask.

to do that, hit ctrl and select the group's mask thumbnail again, you will see the same selection as earlier show up. with the selection ready, select the brush tool in the color white (and 100% opacity), and go brush/paint some white over the whole layer mask. this should fix the transparency issue and the gif should look like this:

once you're done, hit ctrl + D to make the selection disappear, and still with the layer mask selected on the gif's group, with the brush tool paint some white at the top so we get the top of the image back. it should look like this:

(you can also brush more white or black to add/remove parts to this layer mask if you want to, it’s what i did for the original gif, actually.)

now you should be ready to put whatever you want in that ripped edges “hole” you’ve created.

what i did for this gifset is i found a random paper texture on google and used it as a background for my text. make sure you put this background texture under the gif folder, so it will only show up in the “hole”. (i put my texture in a group i renamed “text” because i love my psd compositions to be tidy lol)

then i just typed the text i wanted and positioned it the way i wanted it to look. the text layer should be over the paper texture but still under the gif folder:

to finalize the look I color corrected the paper to be a bit more bright and added some highlight on the text, here you can do whatever you want to make the text look the way you want it to look.

i also added a bit of dropped shadow on the edges of the ripped paper. to do that I selected the mask (ctrl + click the smart mask thumbnail), created a new color fill layer (the color is not important). this will create a layer with a layer mask of the selection. i then selected the smart mask thumbnail and hit ctrl + i to invert it, so my mask is not only the inside of the “hole”. then i put this layer on top of everything, and the fill at 0%. finally i added an inner shadow in the layer style options (by double clicking on that color fill layer).

and that is the final result!

i hope that wasn’t all too over the place or not too detailed? i wasn’t sure how familiar with photoshop you are 😊

@nightmaarebeforechristmas here u go!

#*ps help #resource #photoshop #agentplant #userdean #tutorial #usermadita #omgari #userrainbow #alie replies #anonymous #completeresources #allresources #resourcemarket #useryoshi

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reasonsforhope · 1 year

Text

A wild about post appears!

Hey! Call me Cactus. They/them, late twenties. I also run Direct Action for Hope, for petitions/campaigns/protests that don’t fit on a good news blog, as well as my own takes and activism.

Queer, trans, disabled, white, USian, for context. (Please let me know if I accidentally post something offensive, btw! I promise I have like. an actual ability to take that kind of feedback gracefully and work to remedy the situation)

Some Info about This Blog

Actual good news only!

No heartwarming stories that aren’t actually news. No stories that other sources THINK are heartwarming, but that are actually super depressing and dystopic!

All websites/sources are at least preliminarily vetted by me

If I don’t think a source and/or a news story I find is accurate or reliable enough, I find a new, better source with a new, better article

Relatedly, any links that have the url web.archive go to an Internet Archive copy of a paywalled article. Usually this is the LA Times, NY Times, or Washington Post. Not a weird suspicious link, I promise!

All posts are cited and dated at the end!

All posts should be tagged, including for major/common content warnings. I can’t promise that I won’t miss any warnings, but I am definitely keeping an eye on this

Filter the tag “not news” if you only want to see the news articles/posts

Feel free to send me articles to look at or submit posts! I’ll vet these before I feature them. That said, you might be waiting A While, because despite many efforts to the contrary I am the worst about checking/answering messages. Sorry about that

Posts are generally long because I have Many Words And Endless Details Disease. Hopefully the thoroughness and the bolded highlights make up for that

A couple people have asked me if I could share their donation posts, so I wanted to pin this up: I’m sorry, but unfortunately, I will not be sharing any donation posts, because I don’t have the time or skills to vet all of them and weed out any potential scams. If you’re struggling, please check out this post, which lists communities designed for donation posts and mutual aid. You’re much more likely to get help there than on tumblr. You can also find other mutual aid resource lists and wikis here, here, and here

If you’re struggling with depression or anxiety, especially around climate anxiety or climate grief, there’s a really, really thorough directory of crisis hotlines by country that you can find here. Seriously, they have so many countries I wouldn’t have expected them to list - try it, if it might help

Tip Jar

I put a lot of work and passion into this blog—and a not inconsiderable amount of time. Also, I’ve been too disabled to work much at all for most of the past year...rip. (but thankfully doing better now!) So, if you want to support my work, you can buy me a coffee!

Good News Source

You can find a comprehensive list of all the websites I’ve bookmarked as sources for this blog here!

Note about Gaza

I will be posting good news (as much good news as there can be in this sort of situation) about the ongoing genocide in Gaza, because one of the most important ways to help is to refuse to be silent. Palestinians in Gaza have asked us to please keep talking about it, that it really does help, so I’m going to listen.

And honestly, my disabilities significantly interfere with my ability to take irl action like going to protests, so using what platform I have here really is all the more important to me. (Though I am also setting a notif on my phone to remind me to call my representatives every few days, and I encourage you to do the same if feasible.)

All that said! It is completely legitimate to need a break from horrific news (a huge part of why I started this blog), and it’s also legitimate to say “I need to find out about this stuff Not from my tumblr dash.”

If news about the war/genocide (esp on social media specifically) is making you spiral and shit, then I genuinely encourage you to filter out these posts. I’m not judging. I have significant filters around what Israel/Palestine stuff I see on here myself, because I want to be very intentional about the times I do engage with it. (Which is every few days and via the Actual News.)

I’m committing to fact-checking this stuff before posting, fyi, even with reblogs.

So, tl;dr:

I will be posting about Palestine and Gaza

I will still only post good news, eg: about successful protests, aid reaching Gaza, progress toward ceasefire

I’ll only post actual, concrete news, not just Politicians Saying Words

If you need to not find about this shit from tumblr and/or my tumblr, then filter out the tags “Palestine” and “cw war”

If you don't want to see my posts on this blog about the Israel-Palestine War, then block the tags "Palestine" and "cw war"

if you need a break, then take a break

#about #me #not news #reasonsforhope

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n7punk · 2 months

Note

So I know in a lot of your fics Catra is red color blind and you’ve explained it in the fic notes but do you have a place where you’ve fully explained what she can and can’t see?

very bad question to ask me because i am not a Science Person, but my understanding is that our color vision is made up of three cones, red, green, and blue. the more cones you have (and also the more you study names for different shades, i wish i was kidding but Learning Words actually improves your vision), the more shades of color you perceive (generally). in humans you get red-green colorblindness as the most common type and blue-yellow (yes i know i didnt mention yellow cones. it's complicated) as the second one.

this varies wildly for animals. for instance, we used to think mantis shrimp saw colors we couldn't hope to distinguish because they have 12 color receptors and we have the aforementioned 3, but now we think they actually see less than we do and they just have so many different receptors because their cones suck. so like, while we may be able to see many shades of blue and green with one cone, they need a Light Blue cone, and a Dark Blue cone, and a Turquoise Cone.... etc etc. and again, this is just where we're at with shrimp right now! we actually have no clue what cats see - if it's reduced shades due to a generally lower number of cones (they definitely have at least this), red-green colorblindness like in humans, just red colorblindness (something speculated for both cats and dogs), or monochrome colorblindness. different studies and resources have come to different conclusions, so in the end i usually pick just red because it's pretty unique and she's a fantasy species.

all the colors we see happen by wavelengths of light entering our eye. If a color is picked up a ton by our red cones and a little bit by the blue, we would see that as purple, right? except sike, the wavelengths of light do not work like our usual understanding of colors and what cones purple belongs to is not red + blue. i watched a video on this and then decided i wasn't going to understand it and moved on with my basic understanding of color mixing for what she can and can't see, but that didn't stop one Very Annoying Reader from trying to correct me and completely missing the point even after i explained it to them that disability representation is not to mimic any one person's Exact Situation, but to instead represent their overall struggles. literally none of the experiences i give catra apply to humans but just because it's her tail that makes some chairs really painful for her rather than scoliosis, that doesn't make it any less relatable when she finds the world hostilely designed for her body.

lmao can you tell its a sticking point for me. anyway, i often (although not always in AUs, partially because of not wanting to deal with annoying commenters when it Does Not Matter for what i'm trying to convey) write catra to have either very few or no red cones in her vision, which gives her a visual experience that is unique to us and very difficult to simulate due to that wavelength thing being more complicated than just removing red from an image. I don't know what colors catra would really be able to see if a human did have her specific kind of colorblindness, but i do get more specific in this fic about what my general take was early on. Slowly i've shifted to lean more towards her just having generally reduced cones more densely clustered on missing red cones, which would mean she would see fewer shades of color in general but would be able to see all the base colors we do, even if the variation and strength she gets is weak, especially heavily in red (this is kind of what i'm working with for modern AUs. if i mention adora's red jacket, she can kind of see that, just not nearly like we do, and maroon just wouldn't exist for her). this is the type of colorblindness my mom has (cannot tell navy from maroon from black, but easily tells red from blue from black. she leans slightly more towards deutro in her weakness) and is one of the speculated color perceptions for cats.

so i guess to answer your question: it depends on which fic you're reading LMAO.

also, because i can't not mention this: those colorblind correcting glasses (enchroma, etc) are not real, do not give you the ability to perceive things you literally do not have the receptors to, and actually work by filtering out wavelengths of light to make the colors that you see more potent, but it doesn't change the actual colors there, it's just like applying a filter to photo on fucking instagram. it actually limits your color perception even further and you cannot "train" your eyes with them just like you cannot train a limb to grow back. its a scam, and at three figures for a pair of glasses, it really hurts people and their families when they fall for it.

#fic ask #anon

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non-bionical-mecha-dude · 2 years

Note

First time requesting someone~ buttt can you do a oneshot on how the rottmnt bros react to gn!reader having a white tatoo on their back..?

Feel free to deny this request, I dont mind!

Afterall there are other ideas Ive been wanting to share soon but this idea has been on my mind so goodluck and have fun?? Hehe, have a nice day/evening too boo.💗💗

When I read this, I was honestly pretty excited to write this, this was also pretty fun to write!! I hope you enjoy! (Also, sorry for any misspelled words or poor Grammer, I was sick for one half of this, kinda forgot this existed, and then started to continue writing this at 12 am and I'm trying to finish as many Requests as I can!! But they keep piling up and now I have 34 requests to do ;-;

All Dialogue is colored to corresponding mask, meanwhile reader is Pink (Regardless of gender) for the purpose to help people with reading difficulties and reading disabilities to have an easier time reading

ROTTMNT Boys x Reader with a white back tattoo (Separate, One shot)

It was a hot summer day in the lair. Leo, (like the middle child he is) was horsing around and had broken the AC. Donnie, being the tech-wiz brother he is, was tasked with fixing the AC. In the meantime, the lair was heating up and heating up fast, and it was daytime so the brothers had no chance to just escape the humid temperature, so that's where you come in. You had heard of the boys delema and decided to gather up any fans within your house, and bring it over to the lair for them to borrow. Sure, they were heavy as shit, but you knew those boys were probably miserable there. You arrived at the boys home in a Black, Wife Beater (yes that's the actual name of the tank top)

♥️🐢Raph🐢❤️

"There you are!! Pass over the fans, we're getting cooked over here!" Whined Mikey as he took the box shaped floor fan from you and began to plug it into the wall, cranking it on the highest setting and sitting infront of it, which was the calling of Leo, April, and along with Splinter...who was in nothing but his underwear and most of his fur had been poorly shaven....ok, list of things to do when you get home, 1: bleach your eyes. Raph had walked over, he looked like he was sweating buckets.

"Hey! G-glad you could make it," he was panting, probably from how hot it is. "We should probably lend one to Donnie, seeing as he's working on the AC that SOMEBODY HAD TO BREAK!!"

A passive aggressive comment which added Leo holding up a thumbs up, obviously sarcasm.

"Was already plannin on it."

You gave a small pat to his arm with your one free hand. He takes the last fan in your hands and walks with you to where Donnie was high up, using his battle shell as a jetpack to levitate himself in the air and fix the AC.

"Yo! Donnie! Y/N brought you a fan!! Where should we put it?"

Donnie let out some remark about how he already has so many fans on YouTube or something before pointing over to an area which was pointing in his direction. You and Raph walked over and Raph lay the cooling device onto the floor.

"Here, lemme get this."

You say as you begin to get on your knees to plug the device into the wall, but the outlet was covered by all this junk and boxes that took you a while to get through to the plug.

Raph nods and looks at Donnie as he's in the sky, his big brother senses tingling, afraid he might fall, or mess up and everyone be cooked, or scratch his hand, OR-!! He was overthinking once again as normal, but it all seemed to stop when he looked down at you and noticed something, on your back, past the black tank top was something....white? Due to the darkness of the shirt, the white really stood out, but he couldn't see much, before you stood abruptly, startling Raph a bit.

"Woooo! That should do it, how does that feel Don?" Don gave a silent thumbs up as he continued to work. This gave you the impression that you and Raph we're free to go.

You began to walk back to the others, but something was kinda..weird? Raph trailed behind you, staring at something? You tried to catch him at what he was peaking at, but he seemed to always look away at the correct time, you played this little game of his as he looked and then looking away, then looked, then looked away when you turned around, before long, you eventually caught him. You both stopped walking and you looked up at your Gigantic boyfriend.

"Alright big guy, what're you looking at? Leo didn't stick a sign to my back now, did he?"

You brought a hand to feel of your back, not feeling anything, you brought your hand back down.

"Whattt, I d-dont know what you're talking about, me? I would never- you see the reason- now I don't know-."

He began to ramble, starting and stopping in the middle of his own answers. You smiled to yourself and attempted to put a hand on his shoulder (I say attempted cause have you SEEN THIS GIANT TEDDY BEAR??? HES TALL, OK?).

"Raph, Big Guy, My Knight In Shining Armor, My Dearest Darling, I'm gonna need you to use your words," you chuckled as this must have snapped him out of his rambling.

He tapped the tip of his fingers (👉🏻👈🏻) together as he looked down, his face slightly flushing a deeper red.

"C-can I see your back? I-I KNOW IT'S WEIRD!! B-but I think I saw something..white? I'm not really sure? Y-you don't have to if you don't want to!! I-Im just c-curiou-"

"Ohh, you wanna see my back tattoo? Why didn't you just say so?"

"Y-you have a tattoo?!"

God this lovable goof ball couldn't get anymore shocked.

"Yeah, you wanna see?"

Raph had so many questions, but he did have to admit, he wanted to see what tattoo you got.

You turned around and lifted the back of your shirt, holding the front in place so your front wouldn't show. There, lay inked into your skin, was a fake, very detailed, tattoo of two, folded, white, bird wings, that stretched all the way down to your lower back.

Raph's face was flushed and in awe, it took every bone in his body to not touch and trace each tatted line on your back. His eyes were wide, and you swear, when you looked back, you could see stars in his eyes. He was about to ask so many questions, before... You both heard a gasp from the blue turtle, standing in the hall, with a dumb, mischievous grin on his face.

"DAD, Y/N IS SHOWING RAPH THEIR CHEST!!!"

He knew they weren't showing that to Raph, but oh, how fun it was to pick on his older brother.

"WHATTTT?!"

Splinter was yelling in the other room.

"W-WHAT, IM NOT- THEY AREN- IT'S NOT- LEOOOOOO!!!!"

Raph's face was as red as his mask as he began to chase his younger sibling into the living room, you let your shirt in the back come down as you watched Raph chase Leo as Splinter tried to chase Raph

Goofball

💙🐢Leo🐢💙

You had made it to the bottom of the ladder to the sewer and we're IMMEDIATELY hit with humid heat, and you immediately knew there was going to be so much drama. Because the thing with Leo is, he HATES the heat, he gets so cranky, he hates how sweaty and how unfocused he is during the heat and would do literally anything besides get hot, cause he was already hot, pun intended. So, this was gonna be a long day. Before you even entered their living space, you could hear the bickering from outside the door.

"Mikeyyyy, stop singing that songg!"

"What? This is my jam! I can't just shut it off, you can't stop the groove Leo!"

"Raphhh, make Mikey stop playing that poor excuse of a song!"

"Excuuuuse you!"

"Mikey, he asked you to stop, and I for one don't wanna hear his whining anymore, so please, shut it off."

"He'll have to make me!"

"Is that a challenge? Because if it is, you're on hermanõ!!"

Both Mikey and Leo started to chase each other, Mikey more giggly, while Leo a bit more angry, dang, good thing you were here with the fans.

You cleared your throat, at first no one heard you. Then you dramatically cleared your throat with much more volume. Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked at you, except for Donnie. Leo lept at you, hugging you despite the many fans in your hands.

"My hero!"

"L-Leo! Hang on, lemme put these down first!" You laugh, trying to wiggle your way out of his arms, he let's go and immediately takes one of the fans.

"Leo! Share the fan!" Raph yelled, Leo rolled his eyes and eventually put the fan down and pouted, as you plugged it in, you heard the fan blades from Donnie's jet back whir down as he landed on the ground with grace.

"I'm taking a break, but just a little more work on the danged thing, and it should be up and running soon enough, save your applause." He took off his battle shell, and lay on the floor like a pancake, along with his brothers who sat in front of the fan to catch the cool breeze.

Still holding another fan, you looked at Leo, who was leaning against you.

"Wanna go hang in my room? I don't wanna hang around with these boozos anymore," he said jokingly as Donnie stuck his tongue out at Leo, along with Mikey. You nodded and you carried the fan to his room and plugged it into the wall, turning it up as high as it can go.

"Much better, this room should be cool in no time, you really are a life saver, ya know that?"

He said as he sat in front of the fan, you plopped down next to him, leaning forward to catch the wind.

"Yeah yeah, I know, you'd be a goner without me."

You puffed out a breath as you wiped the now cooling sweat off of your forehead. Your shirt raised a bit in the back but you didn't care, if anything, you decided to keep it that way since it just showed more skin to be cooled down.

Leo sat criss cross as he leaned backwards on his hands. For a while he stared at the fan as you two talked about things like your day, and how the AC got busted, and what you two can do when the AC is finally fixed, but then something caught Leo's eyes. He had the perfect view of your back, and something stood out against the black tank top on your body, something white. He tilted his head, trying to get a better angle, but the clothing his to much of your back for him to fully see.

"Hey, can I ask you something weird?"

"Don't you always have something weird up your sleeve?"

"Well then, something weirder than normal."

"Depends, but ask away."

"What's on your back? See, cause I've been staring at it for a bit, not in a weird way or anything, but I can't see the full thing on it."

"Yeah, anyway you asked, that would have been weird."

"See, told you, soooo, tell me, what is it?"

"Ah, just a tattoo I got."

"Daaaaang, a tattoo? Dad would KILL me if I got a tattoo, can I see?"

You nodded and turned your back to Leo so he could see it better. You lifted your Black Wife Beater on your back, and kept your arms in front to keep your front shirt from lifting. Detailed upon your skin was a white tattoo of your bones on your back, specifically, your spinal cord, it reached all the way from the back of your neck to your lower half and probably further. How Leo didn't see this before astounded him. He gave a whistle.

"Niceee, diggin' the detail on it!"

He touches your back, about to trace the lines on your back, before he was met with a very wet and sweaty back.

"Ewwwww, you're back's all wet!" He took the hand he used to touch your back and wiped it on your shorts.

"Well yeah, it's sweat, what'd you expect?? It's still hot in here, no thanks to you know who!"

You turned around and joked, and punched his shoulder lightly. He dramatically rubbed it.

"Hey! It was an accident!"

"Yeah, an accident you caused!"

You both chuckled and laughed, joking with each other for the next hour.

He would definitely have to look more at it later.

Goofball

💜🐢Donnie🐢💜

After hearing what Leo did, you knew it would be up to your genius boyfriend to fix it up. You brought extra fans, hoping they would cool them all down, and the extra one, you bought just before you got down there, you knew he was pretty paranoid about his Softshell and how it could make him "weak" but how he would complain on how hot it gets regardless. So, you knew he would either have to take off the battle shell, or get another fan, and really, you doubt you would ever talk him into taking off the shell. Once your feet hit the dirty concrete floor, you could already feel the air sucking heat. Going down the usual corridors, you made it to the lair. You saw the brothers feet away from each other, to sweaty to even try to stand up, the only brother not there being your lovable, goofy boyfriend.

"OUR LIFE SAVER!!!"

Mikey screamed, rushing towards you to give you a big hug, before taking one of the many fans you had in your hands, and plugging it into the wall, the other two then seemed to run up to it, pushing and shoving each other to get the cool breeze the fan produced. You rolled your eyes playfully before looking around.

"Hey uh, where's -"

"Don's fixing the AC, he should be in the big ol'e storage thingie"

You nodded, thanked Raph, before heading down the corridors, taking lefts and rights, before finally reaching the room, if anything, it was just this big room with many layers, like the atrium, except this place just had a bunch of junk and old heavy crates and boxes. This place was even hotter than the other rooms. You looked around, trying to find your favorite turtle, before you heard a clank right beside you, a wire cutter lay next to your feet. Jeez, good thing you were stand that extra foot to the left, or else you woulda been toast.

"Mind getting that for me darling?"

You looked up to see Donnie with his battle shell on the ceiling, using 4 mechanical arms to hold him up while he held onto many tools. That's gotta be a disaster waiting to happen.

"How about you come down here for a bit? I got some fans, so you don't heat up."

Donnie started slowly climbing down with the robo arms staring at you as he wall climbed down.

"Ah, but oh my starlight, what you fail to realize is that, you, my dear, you are my biggest fan- ooo, you have the little mini fans!"

He grabbed one from you, sticking it to his battle shell, the tiny fan went back and forth, bringing his neck a graze of cool bliss. He breathed a sigh of relief.

"You have no idea how much I needed this, it's been killer having to work under these conditions."

"I know, you'd be undoubtedly deceased without my help."

You said dramatically, flailing a hand on your forehead while giving your best 'sad actors' face. He gave a sarcastic laugh, helping you set up the other fans you had brought, you even brought a tiny fan for S.H.E.L.L.D.O.N :).

"So, do you mind to tell me why you bought so many fans?"

"I've had these fans forever? What do you mean bought?"

He held up one of the fans, the price sticker was still on it.

"ah."

"Now, care to explain thine self?"

You sighed and rolled your eyes, you didn't want to point out his insecurities, but you knew if you didn't, he'd be hounding you all day.

"Sooo, ya know how you don't really take off your shell? Your battle shell I mean."

"Obviously, what of it?"

"Welllll, I thought how since you wouldn't take it off, how you would over heat, and I didn't want you to burn up, but I didn't want you to be uncomfortable and paranoid with your shell out, so I made for some accomodations if you say."

You said your words fast, using your hands to make motions as you talked, not looking him directly in the eye. He seemed to just blink at this. He seemed, confused?

"So, what you're saying is, you bought, all these fans, just because you knew how I don't like being around without my battle shell on? Just for me?"

The words just for me stood out to you, he seemed touched, and he laid a hand on his front Plastron near his heart to insinuate himself.

"Of course I did, you big goof-"

"Genius"

He corrected, you sighed.

"Of course I did you big genius, I don't want to make you uncomfortable, but I don't want you to be turned into fried turtle, how would I be able to look at your brilliant inventions, and handsome face on the floor when you're just laying there like a cooked pancake?"

You joked, rubbing his shoulder, you knew he didn't like being touched all that much, so you only rubbed it gently so he could brush you off if needed be. He actually laughed, flapping his hands up and down a bit, which surprised you since he often only did things sarcastically and often didn't show much emotions physically, sure, you've seen him stim before an abundance of times, but you've never seen him actually laugh much.

"A pancake, really? To all the things you can compare me to, a pancake is what you chose?"

"Yes, and I shall demonstrate"

You laid on your stomach, giving some sad look as you rolled side to side a bit.

"Ohhh, poor me, poor Othello Von Ryan, I lay on the floor as miserable as I am, because my loving lover, as lovely as they may be, have not brought me an extra fan, so, I shall lay here, until the end of time, cooking like a pancake, only to be flipped over when I have cooked fully on one side, blehhhhhhhh."

You gave your best dead face, if your eyes could go like crosses, they would. He laughed harder. Having a hand on his knee, but then, in the middle of the laughing, something caught his eye, something white, upon your back, behind the black tank top. Your shirt, after laying on the cool concrete, lifted in the back just right to see what it was. It was a tattoo, of white gears that intermingled with the back of your rib cage, giving the impression that the white gears were inside your skin, each gear was artistically hand made each, along with the shading of your ivory bones. It was beautiful art work, mesmerizing even. When he laughing died down and turned into small hums, you turned your head to look at him.

"See something you like love?"

You joked, until you realized what he was looking at, he was looking at your back, more specifically, your tattoo. He crouched down to get a better look at it before turning his head to the side a bit.

"You didn't tell me you had a tattoo"

"Hm? Oh, that's probably cause I got it pretty recently, I was gonna surprise you when the swelling went down, when it would look better."

You were right, there was a tiny bit of swelling from the needle that tattooed you, though, it wasn't much, if you didn't mention it, he probably wouldn't have noticed it.

"It's beautiful."

You snorted.

"Maybe you should get one too, so we can be matching."

A shiver ran up his shell as he took visibly shivered imagining it.

"Absolutely NOT!!"

You rolled over on your back as you bellied over with laughter, as he explained to you with big hand motions the sensitivity of his shell and how that would never work in a good way.

Goofball

🧡🐢Mikey🐢🧡

Getting down to the lair, you felt like melting. How were the boys even surviving this heat?? You were only down there for a couple seconds and you already wanted to leave, but alas, your boyfriend and his brothers needed you.

You walked into the room, fans in hands.

"Any turtles call for a savior?"

You joked. Leo gave a quick thanks before running to go get a fan and plug it into the wall. You looked around for your orange boyfriend, before you felt a weight go slack on top of you. It was your boyfriend, laying his skin and plastron on your back, draping his arms at your sides.

"Y/nnnnnn"

He whined, sweat beading down on his forehead.

"M-Mikey haha, let me put these down! You're sweaty!!"

You both chuckled as you put some fans down. Once you did, he grabbed one.

"C'mon! Let's go to my room! I've got a special surprise in there!"

"Annnddd, what is this surprised?"

"Well I can't tell you, or else it wouldn't be a surprise! Duh."

You playfully rolled your eyes as you followed the energetic turtle to his room. His room was covered head to toe in paintings and drawings and memorabilia. He set up the fan in his room, each turn the fan made back and forth made the papers shake and rise in the wind of the fan. He sat you down on the floor.

"One sec! I gotta go get it!"

He raised his finger and went to leave his room. Minutes later, he came back with his hands behind his back.

"Pick a hand!"

You laughed at his over dramatic-ness as he leaned side to side, shaking one arm before shaking the other, trying to confuse and mis direct you. You pointed at his left hand. He smiled and handed you...what the fuck is this? It was an ice cream that looked like that cartoon rabbit if he was possessed and melted, with black gumball eyes, and around those "eyes", the dye on the gum seemed to melt off into the ice cream. Mickey pulled out his own ice cream, except it looked like that one yellow cartoon bird, with the blue gumball eyes doing the same thing.

"Tada! Ice creams! You're lucky I was able to keep them from my brothers! I always keep stuff like this for emergency situations, and this, is def one of those times!!"

He started to lick his ice cream. You laugh.

"Mine looks possessed!"

"And what if he is? Don't judge, let the ghost do what he wants to do."

He said joking, holding up his ice cream and waving it around like a fake ghost.

"Why would you insult me this way Y/N? Whyyy, what have I ever down?"

He was trying to stay in character, trying not to laugh. You played along.

"Oh dear Mr ghost! I'm so very sorry, I didn't expect you to haunt something like kids ice cream! Forgive me for my ignorance."

You lay a hand on you forehead and leaned away dramatically.

"Hm, I shall forgive you one time, in exchange for a kiss"

"A-a wha?"

You blushed a bit, until you realized that Mikey was making funny kissy faces and he slowly inched the the ice cream near your face. You also leaned, forward, expecting to kiss the ice cream, until you took a huge bite from the forehead. Mikey made a cartoon scream as he shock the ice cream.

"How could you!? My face, my gorgeous face! Oh the world be so cruel!"

Mikey fell backwards, flailing the ice cream with a lose hand, causing the ice cream to accidentally be dragged along your back, you gave a shiver at the new cooler sensation. Mikey broke outta character. Still laughing slightly.

"Omigosh! Sorry Y/N! Here, let me."

He grabbed some paper towels from his drawing desk in his room, art was messy, so he always came prepared! He began to wipe your back, accidentally shifting your shirt up a bit. As soon as he got the ice cream off, your back caught his eyes. You had these tattooed white cracks that cracked all the way from your neck, to your lower back. He sat there in awe for a second, staring and mesmerizing the shapes they made.

"Omigosh! Omigosh!"

"Wow, two 'omigosh's'. You ok there Mike?"

"Why didn't you tell me about your sweet tattoo!? It's beautiful!"

"Oh, that, must've forgotten to mention that, sorry!"

You chuckled, turning your face to be met with Mikey, gazing at your back, rocking back and forth with stars in his eyes.

"You HAVE to let me paint the spaces in-between the cracks! I could turn this into a true masterpiece!"

You chuckled at his amusement, you could practically see a million ideas that flowed through his head on what to paint in-between the white cracks and gapes.

"Sure, only if I can get another bite of your "mister ghost" ice cream. "

He nodded and passed you his ice cream.

"His death will be a noble sacrifice."

Goofball

#headcannons #fanfiction #rottmnt #fanfic #save rottmnt #self insert #tmnt #rottmnt headcannons #rottmnt leo #rottmnt raph x reader #rottmnt donnie #rottmnt mikey #rottmnt raphael x reader #rottmnt leo x reader #rottmnt donnie x reader #rottmnt mikey x reader

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lokislittlesigyn · 6 months

Text

This past weekend I had .. A truly lovely experience. One that will stick with me forever, I believe.

Story time.

About a month ago I got an unexpected message that Tom Hiddleston would be at NYCC. I'd never heard of NYCC before - though I live within driving distance of NYC. I visited last year to see a Broadway play and visit the Loki figure at Madame Tussauds. But more, in 2019, my parents surprised me with tickets to see Betrayal on Broadway.

When we went to the show, I hoped to give Tom a letter, thanking him for the impact his work has had on my life, and get some art autographed. After the show - which was breathtaking and fantastic and funny and heartbreaking - I stood outside in the bitter cold and watched as Tom stayed outside for 2 hours talking to and autographing things for his fans. I distinctly remember saying his name and him looking me right in the eye - I asked if he'd take my letter. His response? "Of course I will." those words also stuck with me. spoken surely, as though kindness was deserved without question.

I got an autograph from him that day on my Playbill - they didn't allow non-Betrayal works to be signed. But I wanted, very badly, to see him again. Namely for a hug ... And to get that art signed.

In the spring of 2020 I heard about a drivable convention Tom was slated to be at. Tickets to see him were hundreds of dollars, but I was willing to pay.

Then the pandemic hit. Everything was cancelled.

Fast forward to last month. My birthday is coming up and I have no idea what to ask for, I have a steady job and I'm trying to give myself permission to buy fun things so I actually feel something when I get a paycheck. ive legit been getting money and just feeling nothing when it goes into my account. :')

And I did it. I bought a pass. An autograph pass, since the photo passes only allowed a few seconds with the individual - I wanted to talk even for a moment, not stand awkwardly while I try to make myself give a natural smile.

I'll spare you the details of the convention itself - it was huge, and while it was exciting, that wasn't the main draw. Tom was. I finished an art piece and had it printed, and took it with me to give to him. I also wrote a message on the back of it, so there was no risk of the message being lost (I don't know if he actually got my first letter. There's really no way to tell!). That message is private, but the art is not.

It took over two hours to get through the line. As someone with joint and sensory issues, this was .. Quite an experience. if i hadnt had my compression socks on i honestly dont think i would have made it. also i really need to look into what ADA passes they have because there is an ADA line and i continuously tell myself im not disabled enough for that but maybe i am, idk

But I got through the line and went around the corner where they had a curtained-off area, and there he was.

My first thought? "Oh, you're real."

its always surprising to see him in person.

But as happened before, the nervousness and excitement and heart beating out of my chest gave way to a quiet calm.

He took the piece I brought to be signed, and signed it. And I spoke up.

"I made this for you, if that's okay." And I handed him the above artwork.

He took it. Looked at it. "You're very talented."

I thanked him.

And he looked at me again.

Now, it's relevant to mention I am autistic. Eye contact is extremely difficult for me. It feels unsafe, exposed, scary. I can literally get physically unsettled if I look at someone's eyes too long. This man is the only person - not even my mother and father feel safe to look in the eye - that I can not just stand to look in the eye, but actually feel ... peaceful. i think it's because he has lokis eyes.

"Thank you. Have a good rest of your weekend."

He smiled at me, and I smiled back. I thanked him again.

It's a small interaction. It was in the last event on the last day of the con - this man was probably exhausted, and rightly so. I also want to be clear, I don't have any sort of parasocial feelings toward Tom, or even romantic/etc. feelings. Tom is his own person, with his own life and experiences, and I don't feel anything toward him other than a general fondness and gratitude. More importantly, he is married, a husband and a father, and that is so important to remember.

I'm simply grateful to him. Out of hundreds, possibly thousands of people over the weekend, he took a bit of time to look at the art, and say something kind, and to look at me and smile.

Photos weren't allowed in the area, or I would have wanted one. Likewise, there were tables between the attendees and him - I would've asked for a hug otherwise. But I don't regret the weekend, for all its ups and downs. I got to give Tom a present, and I know I'll see him again someday.

And maybe next time, I'll get that hug.

#for context i want to get as close to hugging loki as possible lol #i have hugged the madame tussauds figure #i have hugged disneyland loki #i have even hugged loki cosplayers #tom is the closest thing to loki that remains un-hugged by lokislittlesigyn #she will hug him someday #that is a threat /lh #i'll post the digital version of the art soon #<3 #nycc #nycc 2023 #tom hiddleston #storytime #sigyn goes on an adventure #sigyn loves loki a lot

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jennyandvastraflint · 3 months

Text

Xena Reactions S2Ep18

Xena wants foooood!

Gabrielle wants to go shoppinggggg XD

Oh they'll kidnap Gabrielle aren't they

She bought a scarf for two dinars

AAAAH. THEY KIDNAPPED GABRIELLE

Gabrielle 🤝 Jenny Getting kidnapped :(

"Because I killed her, Xena" OI DON'T MAKE HER THAT ANGRY

Xena is ready for a fightttt

Who even is this guy... Am I supposed to know him? He seems to know about Draco and Callisto

Dude, stop damaging the stalls. You're gonna pay for all that

"What did you do with Gabrielle" Attack dog

He's delusional

"You got thirty seconds to tell me where she is"

Oh this guy is fucking annoying. Stab his guts. Slice open his balls.

OH SHIT. IS SHE ALLERGIC TO THE OIL.

I wish this show had no men in it

NOOOO XENA WANTS HER WIFEY BACKKKKK

uhhhh... Why is there a portrait of Gabrielle...

Ew this is disgusting. DON'T SELL WOMEN TO GROSS MEN.

Ahdhdhdhd SHE LOOKS AT THE COCK OF THE STATUE

URGH FFS... Can dudes stop being like that to women

"I don't respond well to threats. However, I find pain quite persuasive..." 😂

SHIT IS SHE GOING BLIND. Yup

Key between the boobs 👀

"No but I'm in a hurry and you'll be my eyes"

"And she's not going to like this forced marriage thing"

STOP INSULTING HER!???

"I CAN'T I WON'T" "Hungry, my queen?" "Oh a few grapes..." XD

Well... Blind for life? I mean, Gabrielle can be her eyes

"That must be one friend..." 🏳️‍🌈💕

"You commanded respect" "No, I commanded fear"

Oh no...

"Lady Gabrielle" THE GUY COMING OUT-

Boobrielle- did they push her boobs to be bigger?

Her braid and hair looks pretty tho

Hmmmmm I don't like this

Oh they'll fall

XENA. SHE JUST DROPPED HERSELF

She's fine(ish)

Urgh this dude is getting on my nerves

PLS HER WRIST GOING LIMP. GAY

Yeah they're really pushing her boobs...

"Have you ever been in love?"

"a certain someone" oh he's queer isn't he.

"Now you know how I feel" XENA.

"Those aren't pleasant memories for me" SHE'S HAVING PTSD MOMENTS MY BABYGIRL

Gabrielle my love

"Cold hands" he's dead.

"Because all the men I get serious about end up dead" shfhshss

THEY WANT HER TO FUCKING DIE??? URGHHH

Xena climbing a wall blind ✌️

SHE TOSSED THE SHAKRAM

"Is your friend really worth all this?" "I'd die for her" Average lesbian relationship idk what you mean

Yea he's trying to pull the alpha male shit

Shfdhdhd the propped up king

Ough and Gabrielle tied up

"Give us a sign" Blergh. Xena will fucking murder him

"Your deadness"

Urgh leave Gabrielle ALOOONEEEEE

"You're right, this place is crawling with guards"

UARGHHHH!!! STOPPPPP

"She and the king are to be cremated" NUGHH Xena is so worried for her gf

Noooo, the guy realised she can't see

She's fighting by ear...

ARGH SOMEONE HELP GABRIELLE

"GABRIELLE HANG ON" "xena" STOPPPPPP

"GABRIELLE GABRIELLE GABRIELLE"

THEY'RE HUGGING AND CRYING

"I have that growing in my garden" shdhfd

GABRIELLE GENTLY TILTING HER FACE AND CLEARING HER EYES

"now that's a sight for sore eyes"

From a disability rep point I'd appreciate them not treating blindness as a THE MOST HORRIBLE FATE EVER

Awww he actually learned something...

"I think I'm gonna PRETEND to be good for a while"

AHAHAHAAA I CALLED THE GUY IS GAYYYY XDDD

"Can you courtesy?" 😂 I mean she learned for pretending to be Diana, didn't she

"I hate you. In a good way" 🏳️‍🌈

#v watches xena #xena and gabrielle #xena warrior princess #xena #gabrielle

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stormyoceans · 4 months

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Monica I'm really scared. It's ep 11 next week. We haven't got Mork crying. (Sam mentioned to me that we haven't even gotten the day bawling scene from the trailer?) This eye donation thing seems a little bit too happy and hopeful for an ep 11.

I know this sounds bad but I really hope day doesn't regain his sight. Because everything the series built up about how blind people also are able to experience this world will all go down the drain. And some part of me knows p'aof will not do that. But then. It's so cruel. To give Day the eyes, the hope of vision just to yank it back so heartlessly. It's so mean. I am scared for next Friday monica.

i feel like i should probably wait to answer you because rn the episode is still too fresh in my mind and i don't have the emotional detachment necessary to be, if not positive, at least not utterly and embarrassingly overdramatic about this but. my mood really flipped a whole 180 degrees because of that ending and ngl. im not doing too well ;;;;;;;

FAIR AMOUNT OF NEGATIVITY UNDER THE CUT I ALREADY APOLOGIZE FOR IT

the thing is. i don't think the surgery next episode is gonna be successful, but i still so deeply dislike this eye donation plotline regardless of how it's gonna end because what's the point of it? if the surgery is successful and day gets his sight back, then it's gonna defeat the entire message of the show. if the surgery fails and day remains blind, then it just feels completely purposeless since he didn't need this to accept his disability and learn that he can still have a fulfilling life: he had already accepted this at songkhla, and it was perfect. honestly the only reason i can think of for them to go down this road is to have the surgery be unsuccessful now, only to end the series with day getting it again after some years and this time working out to show that 'you should never give up hope'. and i can't even begin to explain just how much that wouldn't sit right with me. and i mean i don't have a disability so i obviously don't have any right to say this, but still

not to mention that i actually still feel like those two moments with day and mork crying that we have yet to see are both related to the two of them breaking up because mork doesn't feel like he can take care of day, so they're gonna make him leave until he can prove to day's mom that he can provide for day. which is another thing i would hate

i just don't understand why would they choose all of this when, instead, p'aof could have had mork and day figuring out their future TOGETHER and BOTH trying to prove to day's mom that they can take care of EACH OTHER. like the show made such a point of making day become more independent and empowered but now they're not allowing him to be. i wanna see him walking outside alone with a cane, i wanna see him go back to school and finish his studies, i wanna see him open up his little bookstore while mork works as a cook. it can still happen, i guess, but i still wish it would have been given more focus

im also the kind of dramatic person who can't be like 'at least we have the first 9 episodes, they were perfect and nothing can ruin them'. unfortunately that's not enough for me. unfortunately i need them to stick the landing or it WOULD ruin the entire show for me. and not being able to get back to it and find comfort in morkday would honestly be heartbreaking for me. and you know, obviously the message and the representation of the show is the most important part in this, but also i would be lying if i said i didn't want to have a damn DVD box set of a jimmysea series to actually hold and enjoy since we won't ever have one for vice versa, but what would be the point of buying the last twilight one if i dislike the ending

ANYWAY. im really sorry ismay, i ended up ranting because i needed to vent but im afraid im only making you feel worse with this ;;;;;;; maybe after i sleep on it i will be a bit more optimistic about this but. im really scared too ;;;;;;; for what is worth im holding your hand and im here for you whatever is gonna happen

#none of this is gonna change my love for jimmysea but it still making me feel like such a bad nomnom #sorry again for the negativity i guess i should probably leave for a while ;;;;;;#ismay 🤍#m: ask

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attavoid · 11 months

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Honami Mochizuki, Avoidance, Broken Bonds, and Responsibility

I’ve always been a big fan of Vocaloid since 2010 when I was a wee child- I even mess with vocal synths in my free time and make songs when confident enough in my skills- and I’d been eyeing Project Sekai (or Hatsune Miku: Colorful Stage, but I’ll be referring to it as Prjsk) for a while now. I adore rhythm games and they help me calm down, but I never really bit the bullet until recently. I have no idea why I waited so long! I’ve only been playing for a couple weeks but I’m already mastering the skills and am climbing up.

Anyway, one of my good friends brought me to the attention of Honami Mochizuki, and how many people headcanon her as having AvPD. I’ll assume if you’re reading this you have a vague idea of how the game works, but I’ll explain the background of her and her unit, Leo/need.

Honami is one of four girls in Leo/need, all who were childhood friends who drifted apart when Saki, another part of the group, was hospitalized for chronic illness (which, by the way, I could go on about how surprsingly respectful they are about her disability rep, at least in my opinion as a narcoleptic with a weak immune system). Despite being very close in elementary school, now that they’re all in high school, Honami has drifted from the others and tends to stick with her classmates, seemingly always following their lead.

A common misconception of AvPD is that avoidants don’t have friends. That can be true, but not in the sense that people think! In the past, I had a friend group, but we weren’t exactly friends. I morphed myself for approval so that they’d validate me and I’d be accepted, but I was not myself, and I did not let myself be vulnerable, as close friends should. Even though we had all been “close” since elementary school, what it really was for me was that I had found a group that I thought had accpeted me- only because I had hidden the parts of me they found embarrassing. They still berated me and my choice in other friends that I did actually have connections with, which caused me to drift away from them. That’s something evident in Honami’s story- she sticks with her “friends” because she wanted to get their validation, but these friends didn’t like the other members of Leo/need, so Honami forced herself to stray away from them to avoid being judged and humiliated.

This is something I don’t see discussed much about AvPD- the effect it has on your friends. Although I agree that personality disorder information should focus on those with the disorder, it’s also important to remember the effects it has on those around you (without buying into the abuse propaganda, of course). Honami’s past all too well highlights a part of my journey in AvPD that I wish more people talked about- betraying your friends just for your self image as a coping mechanism. It feels like it keeps you safe, but in reality, it doesn’t. It just hurts your true bonds and further isolates yourself into a group that will take advantage of you and use you as a punching bag.

Even as a 21 year old, I still find myself struggling with this, and I find great comfort in this aspect of Honami’s character. Especially how awkward she is trying to get along with her friends again- repairing old friendships, especially when you’re the source of the rift (for the most part), is always hard. And I love that she doesn’t give up! She keeps going and we see her slowly become more comfortable again with her friends and finding that spark of joy they ignited when she was a child.

I do want to add a disclaimer- I don’t think this coping mechanism is an abuse tactic, but it’s still important to remember the effect it has on other people. When I did this in the past, I thought I was protecting myself and our friendship- why would they want to be seen with someone like me?- but in reality I was hurting them and our bond. Instead of framing this as an abuse tactic, in Prjsk, it’s framed as Honami bearing some responsibility for the drifting, yet respects where she comes from and doesn’t vilify her for it at the same time. It’s quite refreshing, and even though she doesn’t canonically have AvPD, I can definitely see these traits in her, and I absolutely headcanon her with it.

Maybe someday I’ll do a more indepth analysis of Honami having AvPD, but I wanted to especially comment on this part of her. I feel when AvPD is talked about we gloss over the responsiblity we do have on relationships, unless it’s in a negative light painting us as abusers, which isn’t true. Even if Leo/need isn’t my favourite group, I think Honami will continue to have a special place in my heart.

#prjsk #project sekai #honami mochizuki #leo/need #avoidant personality disorder #avpd #mental health #personality disorder

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metalmonki · 4 months

Text

Supernatural, Hunting, Living and Love (Revisited) Part 3

Dean Winchester x fem!reader

6.5k word count

Summary The part in which you begin to question if Dean actually has feelings for you or is just stringing you along. Also you prove your a kick ass hunter through the power of research.

fluff, idiots in love, friends to lovers, slow-burn

Warnings mention and description of death, s-assault, talks of people with disabilities in a negative light. Your disability doesn't make you a burden! You are amazing, you are loved!

Original / Previous Chapter / Next Chapter

I cried for who knows how long while Dean held me in his arms. He had moved us over to sit on his bed never once letting me go. When I finally got myself together long enough to move away from Dean all I could manage was too look at the ground in front of the bed.

“Never seen a dead body before?” Sam asked

I nodded. I couldn’t bring myself to speak nor could I trust my voice to work. The room fell into a comfortable silence. Dean stood up from the bed and began moving around the room. He retrieved his bag which he had discarded in a random corner and pulled out a Metallica shirt. He brought it back across to me. He handed It over saying I can borrow it for now so I don’t have to go out to my car to get my own clothes. I accepted the shirt and walked off into the bathroom to change. I hung my swimmers over the towel rack and made my way back over to Deans bed. I looked over at the boys who nodded in acknowledgement. I crawled into Deans bed and pulled the covers over me. I really want to sleep and I figured if I laid down with my eyes closed long enough I would sleep. But it seemed my brain had other ideas. As I was trying to sleep the boys began talking.

“This has really shaken her Dean”

“I know Sammy I wanted to keep her out of this life, we’re suppose to save people not drag them down into our kind of crazy”

“Come on man she choose this for herself she had the opportunity to walk away but she choose to take up this life there isn’t much we can do about that”

“I want to make sure she is somewhere I can keep an eye on her, I want her to be safe”

“You can’t expect her to just pack up and leave Dean what has gotten into you man you’ve never acted like this”

“She’s…I don’t know…she’s different”

“Your in love”

“Dude don’t even go there”

The room fell silent and I drifted off. When I woke up it was dark out. The cheap alarm clock next to the bed read 4:30 am. I sat up and looked around the room. Dean was asleep on the lounge and Sam was asleep in his bed. I felt too full of energy to sleep so I got up and tip toed across the room to the table to take Sams laptop. I took his laptop back to Deans bed and looked through the stuff Sam and Dean had put together while I was asleep. It would seem they had gotten as far as I had. I knew burying myself in the case wasn’t the smartest thing to do but I needed to stop whatever this was from hurting anyone else. But since we had all arrived at this dead end means we needed to look at this a different way. I closed Sams laptop and hopped off Deans bed. I snuck out to my car and grabbed a change of clothes. I slipped quietly into the bathroom, changed out of Deans shirt, retrieved Sams laptop off the bed and slipped quietly out of the hotel room. Rather than take my car and risk waking the boys I opted to walk to where I was going. Really I just wanted food and free wi-fi. There was only one place I knew where I was going to get both. McDonalds. I walked the 6 blocks to the nearest McDonalds, order more hash browns then should be legally allowed and took a seat in a back corner while I waited for them to be ready. I opened up Sam’s Laptop and began going over all the information again. I pulled up the information on all the victims and the pool and began pouring over it again. My hash browns came and I ate them down while reading and rereading all the information presented to me. There was nothing standing out to me. 12 Deaths now and seemingly no connections between them. All different ages, races, genders, religions. Not a single overlap and nothing that stood out as reason why these people. I even removing deaths and could reasonable be discounted like the first death or the boy who apparently slipped down the stairs and the twins who drowned in the wave pool. Those 4 could easily be marked down as a freak accident but even with them removed from the equation two plus two still didn’t equal four. It was frustrating. I groaned and sank back in the highly uncomfortable plastic chair. I took a glance around the now busy McDonalds. Confused and slightly tired I took a quick glance at the time in displayed in the bottom right hand corner of the laptop. 6:23pm. My eyes widened at the realisation that I had been sitting in the same spot all day. I hurried packed up the laptop and went to retrieve my phone confused as to why Sam or Dean hadn’t been trying to call me all day. My hands rummaged through my pants pockets coming up empty. I dumped out my messenger bag that I took everywhere with me finding nothing. Shit. I mentally cursed. I quickly shoved everything back into my bag before sprinting into the parking lot hoping I simply left it in the car. A quick glance, however, showed no signs of my car. Right I walked here. I groaned, rubbed my hands over my face and began the walk back to the hotel. Dean was probably thinking that I had done something stupid and Sam probably thought I stole his laptop. I mean technically I did but I was going to return it and I never intended to be gone all day. The walk back to the hotel seemed to take twice as long as the walk to McDonalds. But when the hotel finally came into sight I quickened my pace. I came to a quick stop, however, when I heard arguing in the room.

“I’m telling you Dean she might not come back” Sam yelled “And she probably took more than just my laptop”.

“Oh so you think she took your laptop and god knows what else but left behind her phone and her car that cost way more than anything we own”

“I mean how well do we really know her Dean”

“If I may intercede, could it not be that she is somewhere researching the case and that time ran from her grasp” A third voice I didn’t know spoke up

“What…do you mean time got away from her?” Dean asked baffled

“Is that how you say it? If so that’s what I meant to say” The voice came again

“Hate to say it Sammy but I agree with the angel”

I reached out and knocked on the door not wanting to just barge in while tempers where clearly high. The room fell silent. Heavy boot steps made there way towards the door. There was a moment of silence before a gentle thank god could be heard from the other side of the door. The door swung open to reveal just Dean and Sam in the room. I was certain I heard a third voice. I stepped quietly past Dean into the room. From the look on Sams face I could tell Dean must have made some gesture from behind me directed at him. I glanced to the bathroom expecting to see the third person over there for the door to at least be closed signalling someone was in there. But to my shock and confusion the door was open and the bathroom empty.

“Who where yous talking to? I asked looking between them confused

“We weren’t talking to anyone” Dean looked over at Sam “Maybe you heard the TV” Dean mostioned to the TV that was one but had been muted

“Anyway where have you been?” Sam asked changing subjects and clearly still mad at me

“I went to McDonalds to use their Wi-Fi to continue researching, I was up at 4:30 and I didn’t want to wake you” I looked over at Dean who had moved to sit on the end of his bed “Sorry I took your laptop without asking Sam I left mine behind at my mothers when she kicked me out”

I handed Sam back his laptop. He took it without so much as a thank you and immediately began checking it over. I wanted to scoff and roll my eyes but I knew that would only piss him off more.

“So did you find anything” Dean asked

“Nothing I even tried removing the deaths that could reasonably be ridden off as accidents and even that didn’t resolve anything I am, however, confident that we’re likely dealing with a vengeful spirit”

“And how did you reach that conclusion” Sam scoffed tossing his laptop on his bed so much for being concerned about it being broke

“We’ve ruled out burial grounds and anything sacred, then if you look at location, the fact that all the deaths where witnessed and nothing supernatural was seen, it leaves a very short list and I felt that of that list spirit was mostly likely” I kept my eyes locked with Sam

“Well why vengeful spirit why not a water sprite?” Sam asked with a smirk

“Seriously Sammy? A fairy? Have you ever in all your years of hunting found any reliable concreate evidence that fairies are real?” I raised an eyebrow and crossed my arms. I was met with silence from Sam “That’s what I thought, spirit it is”

Dean sat on his bed smirked plastered on his face, clearly amused. “So if that’s the case then I guess we should head back to the pool and asked more about these deaths” Dean brought his hands together with a loud clap before rubbing them together.

Sam silently huffed making his way to the door. Dean said something along the lines of he’ll get over it before moving for the bathroom. I heard the shower turn on while I stood awkwardly in the middle of the room. With nothing else to be done for tonight and both boys otherwise out of the room I retrieved Deans shirt from the corner I had tossed it in this morning and got ready for bed. I was just chilling on the bed enjoying a nice stretch and yawn when I heard the shower shut off. A few minutes later the door opened and Dean walked out with nothing but a towel around his waist.

“Sorry the room was quiet so I just thought you’d, you know, left” Dean said awkwardly

I opened and closed my mouth a few times unable to form a proper sentence. Dean also seemed to be frozen in place. My eyes wandered over Deans chiselled chest. It was clear he worked out and with this line of work it shouldn’t have come as a surprise. Before I could stop myself I was standing in front of Dean. I reached a hand out and traced my fingers down his chest to his stomach feeling each groove, skin covered in old scars and felt the muscles twitch beneath my touch. Dean placed a finger beneath my chin and forced me to look up at him. Our eyes connected in an intense stare. Neither of us dared to move for several moments. When it became clear that neither of us where going to make a move to break away Dean began to close the distance.

“I brought dinner” Sam suddenly walked in the door.

Dean and I jumped apart in surprise, Dean making a b-line for some clothes before heading back into the bathroom. I silently cursed Sam. Sam looked red faced between the now closed bathroom door and me. He knew he had walked in at a bad time but at the same time it didn’t seem like he wanted to speak of what he had seen. I sat at the table while Same silently dished out the fast food he had purchased. Looked like burgers for Dean and I while Sam had gotten himself some sort of salad. Dean emerged from the bathroom moments later fully clothed. He took his burger and fries and left the room. He mumbled something on the way out about going to see a friend. Sam and I ate in silence before Sam went to shower while I retreated to Dean’s bed. I pulled Deans shirt up over my nose and breathed in his smell. I was letting my senses get filled with the scent of sandalwood, leather, whiskey and gasoline when Sam suddenly exited the bathroom and began talking.

“What is happening between you and Dean?”

“I..uh…what do you mean?” I asked

“After we left last time Dean kept talking about you, he was hoping we would see you again yet at the same time was hopeful you would listen to him and take his advice” Sam sat on his bed “He clearly loves you but I don’t think having you around is best for Dean”

“If there was anything between Dean and I then it would be nothing to do with you” I spat in anger “I love Dean, I’ve felt myself falling further and further in love with him from the first time I met him, I had hoped yous would come back but I had also accepted that you probably wouldn’t. Besides who are you to say whats best for Dean?”

“I’m his brother” Sam yelled “Having you around is clearly distracting him and in this line of work distraction guarantees death”.

Sams yelling had scared me so much that all I could muster up was “Goodnight Sam” before I curled up in Deans bed. Sam stormed out of the room. I heard Deans impala roar to life moments later and drive off. I started to cry in the now quiet room and I allowed myself to cry until I had fallen asleep. I woke up the next morning to Sam and Dean making a game plan for the day. I sat up in bed and listened to their plan before climbing from bed to have a shower and get ready for the day. After my quick shower and getting dressed I packed my swimmer into a bag and slung the bag over my shoulder. Dean grabbed his car keys asking if I was going to be joining them in his car or if I would be driving my car. I choose to go in Deans car in order to save on petrol. The less money I needed to put into petrol the better. We drove in silence until we reached the pool. The parking lot was almost empty. Dean found a parking spot close to the door, pulled up and turned off the engine. Dean asked me to go in ahead of them to check if the police where still hanging. I made my way into the building. From reception I could see down the womens room. There was no crime scene tape and no signs of police.

“Sad wasn’t it” a voice said behind me

“What?” I asked turning to see a woman beside me

“Didn’t you hear about the suicide two days ago?” She said

“Oh they ruled that a suicide?” I asked

“Yeah they said the girl had been sexually assault a couple weeks ago and that was apparently her breaking point poor thing”

I agreed with woman who walked off towards the pools. I made my way back outside to the boys who were busy digging in the trunk and now dressed back in their suits from the other day. I wasn’t going to question where or how they had changed. I grabbed my bag off the back seat while informing them on the outcome of the death days prior. Dean and Sam shared a knowing look as we all worked our way back into the pool. I once again paid to swim while Sam and Dean flashed badges and continued with their story about investigating on behalf of a victims family. Sam and Dean wondered off to speak with staff while I went to explore around the pool. There was an information wall in reception but it said nothing about any of the incidents and why should it. I walked around to where each of the incidents had occurred but could find nothing. I was about to head for Sam and Dean when I heard two familiar voices that made me freeze in my tracks.

“I swear she was here the other day with two hot guys”

“Oh my god I always knew she was such a slut, you watch soon she’ll be pregnant and will have no idea who the father is”

“Look there she is”

“Hi Rachel, Jorden do you work here too?” I asked panic slowly taking over

“Yeah what of it? It pays well.” Jorden crossed her arms.

“Oh okay, I-uh-I was going to go for a swim while I wait for my boyfriend to be done doing what he needs to do”

“Boyfriend or boyfriends?” Rachel snickered

Not wanting to continue the conversation I tucked tail and ran. I had been outside in a general seating area at the time and quickly made my way back into the main swimming complex. I spotted Sam before Dean as the two had split up. Sam was busy talking with a lifeguard near the wave pool when I got back into the main pool area, after the night before I really didn’t want to talk to him so I hurried on by and continued to look for Dean. It wasn’t until I spotted Dean speaking with the man behind the snack counter that I realised how bad I was shaking. Having to deal with not one but two of my high school bullies had really rattled me. I changed directions and headed for the change rooms instead. I needed to calm myself down before continuing the investigation if there was anything I could agree with Sam on right now it was that being distracted could get me killed. I made my way to the sinks and splashed some cool water on my face. I stared at myself in the mirror for a few minutes trying to push down all the feelings of anger and fear that where consuming me. Fear of the bullies and anger for still not having the courage to stand up for myself. I took a few big breaths, dried off my face and headed back out into the main pool area where I had last seen Dean. A quick glance at the snack counter told me he was no longer there which started my search for him all over again. Although the search didn’t last long as I soon spotted him in an adults only area up above one of the 25 meter pools which held sun chairs and a spa. Unfortunately he was speaking with them. I sucked in as much air as my lungs would allow and walked towards the adults only area. I walked up beside Dean and laced my fingers with his. I stood silently by his side and listen to their conversation. Dean was asking questions about the other accidents that had occurred at the pool but at the same time was absent-mindedly rubbing circles into my hand with his thumb. It was very distracting and I found myself staring out our hands and thinking about last night.

“Heres a question how does someone as ugly as her ended up with someone as handsome as you” my head shoot up to look at Rachel who was now giggling at the comment she made

“Yeah it just doesn’t add up unless your only with her because of all that money she got” Jorden added

“Or because she was easy to get into bed” Rachel laughed

“Shut up both of you, y/n is the most beautiful, most amazing, intelligent, sweetest person I have ever met, god knows I don’t deserve her, yet here she is right next to me and that makes me one hell of a lucky bastard” Dean started off speaking sternly at the girls before smiling down at me

I was shocked into silence, I knew I was blushing something bad too. Clearly Deans little speech had shocked them into silence too. They quickly excused themselves after that. Dean watched the girls walk away before looking back to me.

“So find anything?” Dean cleared his throat awkwardly

“Oh uh a woman told me that the death the other day has been ruled a suicide and that the girl had been assaulted about a week ago”

“Assaulted? Did she happen to mention if the friend who was with her here was there then too?” Dean asked a sudden look of realisation crossing his face

“No she didn't, why?”

“I think I know whats going on here, we need to find Sam”

Dean who was still holding my hand pulled me out of the adults only area. Dean quickly looked around the pools and in the outside seating area before dragging me up the ramps back towards reception. Dean must have looked frightening to the people around us, a grown ass man dragging a what looked to be a teenage girl from the pool. I could feel people watching us as Dean pulled us into reception and basically sprinted over to Sam. Sam who had been talking with a guy on the reception table look between Dean and I and our interlaced hands with a questioning look. It was then Dean realised we were still holding hands and let go of my hand with an awkward cough. He rubbed his hand on his suit jacket before shoving it into this pants pocket and waited for Sam to finish his conversation. Sam thank the man behind the counter and pulled us away to a more private corner to chat.

“I think I worked out whats going on here Sammy” Dean said before Sam could speak

“Well fill in the class” I said both exhausted from running after Dean and a little impatient

“I'm pretty sure our spirit is seeing these people as burdens on those closest to them”

“Care to elaborate” Sam crossed his arms turning his whole body to face Dean

“One life guard told me about how he remembered our American vic's mother telling him that they were here to seem some world class behavioural specialist to hopefully help them calm down the kid” Dean looked between the both of us “And another one told me that one of the other victims fell over the railing from the spa area down to the concrete below broken neck died instantly, the kicker? She was in a fricken wheel chair”

“And the assault, she would have been depressed” I whispered

“So what? That doesn't bring us any closer to working out who the spirit is” Sam said “It could be someone who felt they were a burden or someone who saw someone else as a burden”

“Then we need to look at all the deaths and workout who fits the pattern and who doesn't, we do know it has to be someone who died here” I looked between the two

“Then lets go look further into each victim” Dean said

Sam and I nodded in agreement and we all headed for the parking lot. As we stepped out the door Dean was busy digging in his pocket for his car keys, Sam was busy on his phone and I was looking at my feet. None of us was really paying attention to the parking lot until Dean looked up from retrieving his keys and let out an anger fill. WHAT THE FUCK! Sam and I both looked at the empty parking spot where the Impala was suppose to be.

“Oh dear was that your car?” A familiar voice came from behind us

“You bitch” Dean yelled storming towards Jorden

“I'm sorry the car was illegally parked” Jorden didn't even flinch as Dean came almost toe to toe with her the shit eating grin she wore not even faltering.

“Baby was parked perfectly” Dean screamed in her face.

“Oh well not when I came out here it wasn't” Jorden turned on her heels and walked back into the building, hips swaying as she went.

“Come on I know the way to the car yard” I sighed walking off.

Dean walked side by side with me while Sam trailed behind us. I could feel Sams eyes burning into the back of my head. I had no idea what his problem was, all we had to do was finish this case then they could go back to the US and he wouldn't have to see me ever again assuming they didn't get anymore cases here. The walk to the car yard took almost 45 minutes. That was 45 minutes of Sam giving me laser eyes and Dean going on about his car. I remained silent the whole walk. I kept thinking about if I wasn't here Jorden would never have done this. If I wasn't here Jorden and Rachael would have no reason to target Dean. If I wasn't here Sam wouldn't have a reason to worry about his brother. Maybe I was the problem.

“Oh thank god” Dean said suddenly pulling me from my thoughts.

“Oh we're here” I looked at the car yard sign in a daze.

“Hay, uh, Sammy how about you go get the car and I'll wait out here with y/n” Dean said a hint of concern in his voice.

Sam just scoffed, rolled his eyes and walked off into the car yard. I watched as he disappeared into the large lot of endless cars lined up side by side, some cars where crushed and piled sky high one on top of the other. I continued to watch even when he was completely out of sight. Dean watched me watching Sam. After he was certain Sam was out of ear shot he spoke up.

“What is going on with you?” Dean asked making me break my gaze from the car yard to look at him

“Huh? What? N-nothing is wrong with me?” I stuttered

“Don't even try it short stack you've been silent since we left the pool, hell before that even so are you going to tell me what the problem is or am I going to have to make you walk about to the hotel?�� Dean folded his arms becoming serious.

“Honestly it's fine, it's probably all in my head” I tried to smile

“Oh no your not getting out of it that easy” Dean scoffed “Now spill”

“It's just I feel like I'm the problem” I sighed “Everything that's happened today could have been prevented if I wasn't here, hell everything that happened last night probably could have been prevented too now I think about it” I wrapped my arms around myself in an awkward hug

“Okay first you are not the problem you are far from the problem” Dean uncrossed his arms to point at me “Secondly I never want to hear you call yourself a problem again”

“Well Sam seems to think I'm a pretty big issue and Jorden only did what she did because of me” Tears started to fall before I could stop them. Next thing I knew Dean had me wrapped in his arms. He wrapped one arm around my back, his thumb rubbing my arm. His other hand held my head gentle against his chest. He kissed the top of my head before setting his chin gentle on top of my head.

“I'll speak to Sam and as for those girls I think they would have been snobby no matter who was there” Dean said softly

I just nodded and rested against Dean. It seemed liked ages before Sam came back. Dean had let me go and we put some space between us. We'd gone into a long conversation about Jorden and Rachael and everything they had done during high school. I told Dean about how I felt like a failure for still not standing up to them even now. Dean though pointed out how he had seen the looks of pure jealously he had seen them giving in my direction anytime they saw me. He also told me anytime he caught them watching me he would make sure it make it super obvious that he was checking me out we apparently made them extra jealous. I had to chuckle at that, I wish I could have seen the looks on their faces. Sam came back with 4 bags of stuff but no Impala.

“Where's Baby?” Dean was quick to ask a lot of anger taking over his features.

“Sorry Dean they are right on closing, I paid the fine, they said we could pick the car up in the morning” Sam sighed

“Son of a bitch!” Dean cursed “Did you at least check her for damage?”

“Uh...” Sam looked nervously between Dean and the pavement

“What is it Sam”

“The passenger side is dented, it looks like they pushed it with another car, sorry Dean”

“SON OF A BITCH” Dean screamed

I quickly placed a hand on Deans arm to get his attention. “It's okay Dean we can go to my Mums place for the night, she won't be home anyway and we can come back first thing to get Baby, and you can assess the damage then”

“I'm gonna kill 'em” Dean voice shook as he tried to calm down

I took Deans hand in mine and began leading him away from the car yard. Sam started asking how far the walk was and how I could be so certain that my mum wouldn't be home. I told them the walk was about 20 minutes. Something I only knew from the insane amount of times I had to walk it between the ages of 17 and 20 every time I would have my car impounded for speeding or just being a menace on wheels. As for my Mum not being home it was simple, she worked out of the country from most of the year. It had been that way for as long as I could remember. She had a big name baby and children's business selling everything from nappies to clothes, shoes to bags. Last I had spoken to her before she kicked me out she had wanted to branch into teenage and young adult fashions. Most of her products where mass produced in factories in London and Sweden so she spent most of her time between the two occasional coming home every 3 months or so just to check I was alive. I had been looking after myself since I was 14. I would often have friends stay weekends just to know feel so alone. Theresa was one of those friends. Her parents never cared where she was and my mother never cared who I had over so she basically lived with me. It was a minor miracle that we managed to get ourselves to school and back let alone actually become somewhat productive adults. By the time I had finished my life story we were standing in front of my mothers house. I led them down the steep driveway to the side gate. She never locked it so it was as simple as lifting the metal latch that protruded between the fence and the gate to open it. I walked into the small backyard which showed no change from the last time I was here. I went into the sliding door almost directly to my left into an open living room, kitchen and dining room space with a stair case off to the right side by the kitchen leading upstairs to the main part of the house.

“Those two lounges are pull out sofa beds” I pointed towards the two metal sofas that looked like they had walked out of the 80s “I'll be sleeping just through that sliding door which is my old room and that door next to it is a bathroom which also has another sliding door into my room”

“Oh I have to see your room” Dean laughed

He went straight for the sliding door pushing it open and walking in. He immediately burst into laughter causing Sam to follow him into the room. I dropped my head and followed them into the room. Sam joined in Deans laughter while I stood highly embarrassed at my room décor. The fact that all my posters still hung on the walls, the walls where still pink and purple, my fairy bed set remained untouched, most embarrassing of all the life size print out of Gerard Way was still taped to the ceiling above my bed.

“Are you sure you have the right house?” Sam laughed “I mean come on? You? Faries?”

“It was a faze” I huffed

“Sam did you see the poster on the roof?” Dean laughed

“Oh get out both of you” I waved my arms around

The boys laughed and left the room. Once they were out I locked the sliding door and the bathroom door. All I wanted was 5 minutes peace and a nice hot shower. I dug through my cupboard finding an old band shirt that I use to wear as a sleep shirt. I tossed it on my bed and headed for the shower. I let the hot water run over my back as I let the days stressors go down the drain. After my shower, I dressed, dried and climbed into bed. It was only when it was silent that I could hear Sam and Dean softly speaking in the lounge area.

“She's a distraction for you Dean” I heard Sam hold back from yelling

“That doesn't give you the right to upset her, besides once we're through this case we can go home and you can go back to pretending she never existed” Dean said

“But you won't, you'll always be wondering if shes okay, if she's alive” Sam said “This is why hunters don't get happily ever afters Dean”

“Don't worry so much Sammy, once we're home I can hit up a few bars, get laid and get her out of my system, its worked in the past why wouldn't it work this time”

I stopped listening after that. I looked up at the poster on my roof and cried. I cried myself to sleep like many nights spent in that room.

“You know she's different Dean” Sam said

“Oh yeah how would you know that?” Dean asked

“You love her, it's obvious” Sam shrugged “After we were here last you kept bring her up, you literally got like every form of social media to see if you could track her down and see what she was up to, you were worried about her then, but now you have her number so what happens when she doesn't message you or call you? Then what will you do?” “You know what I'm done with this conversation” Dean said turning his back to Sam to try to get some sleep.

“Who the hell are yous?” The yelling came from the lounge room waking me. “Why are you in my house?”

It was a voice I recognised instantly as my mothers. I jumped out of bed and raced out into the lounge room.

“Mum it's okay there my friends” I said coming to stand in the middle of the room

“y/n what are you doing here? I thought you were travelling and had no intentions of ever coming back here” Mum said

“We just needed somewhere to crash for the night while Deans car got fixed up, we'll be headed off shortly. Honestly I didn't think you were home”

“I wasn't I just flew in early this morning from London, are you going to introduce your friends?” Mum asked motioning between Sam and Dean

“This is Sam and that's Dean their brothers” I said point to each brother in turn

“Are you sleeping with them?” Mum asked

“Mum! Seriously, why would you ask that!” I almost shouted

“Sorry ma'am we're just friends, travel buddies” Dean spoke up

“Oh American I see, figures she'd end up with someone American it was always going to be that or someone British” Mum shrugged

“Seriously Mum” I sighed

“What I'm just pointing out the facts, would you boys like breakfast before you all rush off? God knows my daughter can't stand me and now she knows I'm home she'll be dying to leave as soon as possible” Mum acted over dramatic

“That sounds great thank you very much” Sam smiled at Mum

I sighed and went back into my room to change. I grabbed yet another old band shirt from my cupboard and a pair of ripped skinny jeans to change into. While I was at it I grabbed an old suitcase of mine and tossed a few loose items into it that I really should have grabbed the first time I left like my laptop, some extra clothes and my jewellery box. I placed the suitcase next to the boys duffle bags and head up stairs to the upstairs kitchen. Sam and Dean where already upstairs sitting at the dinning table laughing and talk with my Mum who was busy cooking pancakes. I sat silently at the table and listened to their conversation. Dean really hit it off with my Mum which made last night all the more worse. I knew I was falling for him and hard but if he just intended to leave, head back to the US and pretend I didn't exist then why make a big speech about not letting me out of his sight. Why go out of his way to comfort me so much.

“Okay breakfast is ready” Mum smiled

“Oh this looks amazing Miss y/l/n, thank you” Dean smiled taking the plate of pancakes from my mum and placed them in the middle of the table. The boys began to dig in. This was probably the first home cooked meal they had, had in a long time. The conversation with my mother quickly continued. It was amazing how quickly and convincengly Dean managed to lie to my mother about how we had met, what he brothers did for a living and why they were in Australia. It got me thinking that maybe everything he had told me was a lie. Maybe I needed to be more like Dean and just move on and forget about him once this case was over.

#supernatural #dean winchester #sam winchester #dean x reader #supernatural x you #supernatural x reader #castiel #castiel x reader #Sam Winchester x reader #Sam x reader

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