#and my association with myself is a very distant one so like

[acewritesfics]

FIREFLIES | Tommy Shelby

⚠️ THIS IS A REPOST FROM MY MAIN BLOG @/DLMLUFICS. UNFORTUNATELY, I HAVE TO DO IT THIS WAY. MORE INFO IN MY PINNED POST.

Pairing: Tommy Shelby x Reader

Request: No but I was encouraged by @runnning-outof-time to write this. This is a extended version of my Fireflies mood board.

Fic Type: Imagine

Warnings: Death. Grief. Swearing. Murder.

Word Count: 1,922

TOMMY SHELBY MASTERLIST || TAG LIST SIGN-UP

"You're late," Y/N says as she senses Tommy walking towards her.   

"Late for what?" he asks as he reaches her.   

"To see the fireflies," she says turning her head to look at him. "But I guess there will be other nights that we'll get to see them. They aren't going anywhere, and neither am I."   

"I wish I could take you anywhere that you wanted," he tells her.   

"But I like being here," she smiles softly, turning her body to stand in front of him. "It's peaceful and the view is beautiful and even more so when you're here with me."   

"I'm sure it gets lonely," he sighs sadly, hating that his first love will always be tethered to this spot.   

"Maybe for a second but then the fireflies come out and I'm reminded of you," she tells him. "You were always my light in the darkness."   

"I was never the light, sweetheart," he says cupping her face in his hands. "You were always the light."  

"If you think that because of the man you've become, then think again, Thomas Shelby," she says placing her hands over his. She turns her head, kissing one of his palms before resting her head on it. "I knew you before the war and before you had blood on your hands. You were the only good thing in my life. And I know that man is still inside you."  

"He died with you," he tells her. "That man doesn't exist anymore."  

"Yes, he does," she smiles. "He'll be back, once you learn that despite everything that's happened, you're allowed to be happy and live the life you wanted back then."  

"I'll be living it without you," he sighs.  

"One day, you're going to meet someone and all I'll be is a distant memory," her voice is soft, but her words were loud in his ears.  

"Do you remember when we met?" Tommy asks, changing the direction of their conversation. Their surroundings blurred out and was replaced with the night they met.  

Tommy could see his 17-year-old self, sitting on a log in front of a campfire. Arthur Shelby Snr and a few of his buddies decided to take their families camping one weekend. It was there that Tommy met Y/N, daughter of one of his father's associates.   

The 16-year-old version of Y/N was dancing as a group of teenagers to the left were making music with the few instruments they owned. A very young Ada had taken her hands as she skipped and leaped and danced around the fire. The sky was pitch black; the moon bright in the sky but in the moon light and the glow from the fire, to Tommy, it made her look like an angel. Tommy had fallen in love for the very first time that night.  

Him and Y/N watched as the younger versions of themselves came together. 16-year-old Y/N had let go of Ada's hands telling her she needed a rest and that she'd be back shortly. She'd left the campfire and walked past the campers. 17-year-old Tommy whispered something to Arthur before following her.  

Tommy and Y/N follow them down to the creek that ran through the campground.   

"You're a good dancer," they listen to the younger Tommy tell her, causing her to jump slightly. He quickly apologises. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."  

"Apology accepted," she smiles, lifting her skirts up to her knees and dips her toes into the cold water. "And I wouldn't call myself a good dancer. The rhythm of the music does all the work, I just follow it."  

"It wasn't the music that had me captivated," he admits.  

"I'm sure it wasn't my dancing either," she chuckles, stepping into the cold water and kicks it around until it starts to feel warm.  

“I’m Thomas Shelby, but you can call me Tommy,” he introduces himself.  

“Y/N L/N,” she tells him her name. “It’s nice to meet you, Tommy.”  

From that moment the two of them were inseparable. You couldn’t find one without the other. They were both the happiest they’ve ever been. Everyone could see and feel the love the two held for each other. They were the king and queen of their own world, and they treated each other as such. Tommy gave her everything that he could with promises that one day, they’d be so rich that money wouldn’t be an issue and he could give her the grandest of all things. She would assure him that, even though those things would be nice, that all she needed was him.   

The scene in front of Tommy and Y/N is blurred out again and replaced with the original scene but this one was slightly different.   

It was the night he realized he wanted to marry her.   

On the anniversary of the day they met, they would come out to the field their families camped at and spent the night under the stars.   

Their first anniversary, Y/N, now 17, arrived at their spot earlier than Tommy. She starts the fire and sets up the picnic she had packed. As she sat waiting for Tommy, she thought about the trouble she would be in for sneaking out this late to meet the boy she’s been with for a year. It was worth it, being with Tommy.   

17-year-old Y/N’s been there a few minutes when the tree in front of her starts lighting up. There must be close to 50 of the little lightning bugs scattered along the tree. She’d read about fireflies and was always curious about them, but she wasn’t sure if she’d ever see them like this. The scene in front of her brings a certain warmth to her and her mind goes to Tommy.  

“I’m sorry, I’m late,” she faintly hears Tommy say as he approaches her. Y/N’s too focused on the bugs to reply.   

It isn’t until Tommy’s arms wrap around her that he finally gets her attention. That night she had fallen pregnant.  

The scene changes a little, everything looks the same, except the two of them are a little older, Tommy being 20 and Y/N being 19. Their relationship was going well, and their daughter was happy and healthy, but their family lives had taken a turn for the worse.   

Tommy’s mother had fallen ill not long after having Finn. After she died his father, Arthur Sr, had taken off, leaving Tommy and Arthur Jr to raise their younger siblings with their Aunt Polly’s help and deal with the debts his father owed. Not only that but they had the illegal betting den that needed a major up heave after the state their father left it in.   

Y/N’s father had become more paranoid, believing everyone was playing a part in some ploy to ruin his life. Her mother, who had enough of her husband’s behaviour had left, only leaving a note to explain her departure. She never bothered to tell Y/N about it either, only finding out when her father stormed into the store she worked at, yelling and shouting about how she was a part of her mother’s plan to leave. Once she managed to convince him that she had no part in it, her father seemed to calm down for a while.  

This was when Tommy new he couldn’t wait any longer to marry her. He wanted nothing more than to call her his wife. In the last year they had been coming more to their spot, needing to get away from everything for a moment. His proposal hadn’t been planned. They’d been sitting on a log, watching the fireflies fly around the tree, creating trails of light behind them. He turned to her, looking at her with so much love and said, “I think it’s time we get married.”  

She looked back at him, a soft smile on her lips. With all that love he was looking at her with reflected in her eyes, she says, “I also think it’s time.”   

As if Tommy knew where his mind was going with this, the scene changed. It once again was the same scene set at a different time. Tommy was late to meeting her at their spot. It was something he regretted to this day. Because instead of finding her sitting there waiting, with her smile that was only reserved for him, he found her by the creek, her closed soaked with water, her skin a ghostly shade and cold to the touch, her lungs filled with water instead of air and yet she looked so peaceful.   

Tommy still feels the pain as he broke down as if it were only yesterday. He doesn’t recall how long he stayed with her out there before bringing her to the hospital. He soon found out she’d been out to their spot hours earlier than they were supposed to meet. Her and her father had a massive fight and she needed to get away. Their spot was always a place she could spent hours at, reading, drawing, and just being with herself, clearing her head.   

Unfortunately, this time, her father had followed her out to the creek. Things got physical and he overpowered and drowned her in the creek. Instead of taking her to the hospital, he left her there for Tommy to find in some sick twist of paranoia, blaming him for taking his daughter away from him.  

Police ruled her drowning accidental despite all the evidence pointing to it not being that. It would be almost ten years later when justice would finally be served by Tommy’s own hand, what he had been through during the war, adding to the feeling of nothing as he put a bullet through Y/N’s father’s head.   

The scene shifts once more but this time they’re back to the first scene, her body is no longer laying on the creek bed.   

“Can you do me a favour?” Y/N asks him, breaking the somber silence that had fallen between them  

He nods and she stands on her tip toes to whisper something in his ear, before she shoves him into the cold water.  

Tommy wakes up from the dream with a jolt. He’s had the same dream almost every night since her death but this time the ending had changed. She had asked something of him, and he promised to fulfil it.  

Later that night, Tommy made his way to the field where their spot is. He could never bring himself to come back out here after she died. This is his first time back but this time he wasn’t alone. Sitting beside him on the log, is his 13-year-old daughter, Sophie.   

He pulls out the photographs that he has of Y/N. “See this place Sophie, this place is a very special place to me and your mother. Not only did we meet here, we also had many special moments here.” He starts handing her the photos, she’s seen many times of Y/N. Sophie had only been 2 when her mother was killed. That day, Sophie had been with Polly. “Your mother loved this spot, especially at night,” he continues as the tree begins to light up. “This is the reason why.”   

“The fireflies?” she asks, seemingly just intrigued by them as her mother was. 

In the faint glow of the fireflies and the moon above, he can see Y/N, smiling that smile reserved only for her little family. She blows them a kiss before she turns around and disappears into the darkness. 

“The fireflies,” He confirms, smiling down at his daughter. 

TAGGED: @chapter-in-my-old-diary - @hanawrites404 - @goblinjnr - @halsteadbrasil - @alexxavicry - @rainydayteacups

BOLD means your profile didn't come up when I tried to tag you. Sometimes it links when the post is posted but I don't know if you still get the notifications. Let me know if you get the notification. Here is a post that could help: WHY OTHERS CAN'T TAG YOUR BLOG

#acewritesfics repost #thomas shelby x reader #tommy shelby #thomas shelby #peaky blinders #peaky blinders x reader #tommy shelby x reader #peaky blinders imagines #tommy shelby imagines

[poisonnxkki]

Working In Graveyards & Graveyard Etiquette🕯

Why Incorporate Graveyards?

Graveyards have always been associated with the supernatural and metaphysical. In both ancient and modern cultures, funerary rights and the dead have always held great significance in society. When working in these spaces, the most important thing to remember is respect. The dead are not as mutable as the living and it may take longer to rectify a mistake and earn their trust again than it would have been to learn the proper etiquette from the start.

Which begs the question, why work in these spaces and with these spirits? Well lots of reasons, some people choose to only work in graveyards that they have a direct ancestral connection with (ie. family members or distant relative are buried there). Others, like myself, find it a good way to honour the local spirits. Even spirits of people you don't know and have no connection too are worth honouring. Some people believe that since all of humanity has a common ancestor, we are all related and so even cemeteries you have no direct connection to, are connected to you by our common ancestor (another reason I am quite fond of). Maybe you just think it's cool, which is valid. Whatever your reason, just make sure you have one and are not going there with insincere intentions.

What is Graveyard Etiquette?

Graveyard etiquette are the ways in which we should behave when entering and visiting a graveyard in order to be respectful to those resting there. Although there are general rules of thumb which many witches follow, as you develop a relationship with a particular graveyard, those customs can change. Here are some I like to follow:

Leaving an offering- I always bring an offering of coins or flowers. If I'm visiting a graveyard that I've never been to before, I will leave coins at the gate, for the guardian and at some of the older and unkept headstone (also graves of young children if I find any). During regular visits, I leave offerings with the guardian and at headstones of spirits I've developed a relationship with.

Walking the entire graveyard- this is not something I do every time but I like to walk around the entire site and introduce myself especially if I plan on having a working relationship with the spirits there (this may be more difficult for larger sites, I recommend picking an new area each time you visit if that is the case).

Entering and leaving through the same gate- this is not one I stick to every time if I know the spirits really well. If I've never visited before I will always leave through the same exit that I entered from.

Throwing salt or spinning- I heard this one from ChaoticWitchAunt (on TikTok) and it's something that I've just always done. They recommended spinning around three times before leaving to prevent spirits from following you home. I've also thrown a bit of salt over my left shoulder outside the entrance for the same purpose (beware: salt is not good for the earth). This is definitely something that just resonated with me after a bad experience and that's why I continue to do it.

A Note on Necromancy & Death work:

Necromancy is often a term used in many scary movies and cult fiction. It is actually a form of divination which utilizes the dead. Anyone can learn necromancy however it is an integral part of death work. Death worker (practitioners who practice death work) are involved with crossing spirits over. The job requires some level of mediumship abilities and can be very taxing on your mental health. Some death workers take on the lingering emotions of the deceased (pain, fear, anger, etc.) in order to help that spirit. Death work is much more than the small bit that I've described but it is important to note that the path is not for everyone. You can still work in cemeteries and utilize necromancy without doing death work (& a big thank you to the death workers who continue on their path despite the toll it takes, we love you!).

*All images are from Pinterest*

#witch aesthetic #witch community #witchcore #witchcraft #witches #paganism #deity work #deity worship #hellenic pagan #occult #death witch #death work #deities #divination #greek deity #practitioner #pagan witch #pagan #witchythings #magick #witchcraft 101 #witchblr #witch tumblr #witch basics #baby witch #beginner witch #book of shadows

[ohlovxr]

distant lands and dungeon masters | eddie munson x fem!reader

you don’t know anything about that game your boyfriend loves to play, but that doesn’t mean you can’t indulge in it with him… even if it does feel a bit ridiculous.

words: 2k

c.w. fem!reader, p in v sex, roleplaying (ig? once the goofy shit’s over, it kinda just stops yk + the costume is literally just a slutty medieval dress thing that we’re gonna pretend associates with elf bc i suck with that kind of detail. k? k.), oral (fem receiving), fingering

masterlist

tina gets full credit for the “i love you” during the orgasm thing. her mind is literally gold and i wanna give her the biggest smooch all the time for it. oh! also the bodice of the dress is one that rests under the boobs yk (and this is important briefly lol). and also i suck at descriptions and titles and intros to fics lol so i apologize

Eddie’s laugh rang through the trailer.

The sight of his girlfriend sitting atop the kitchen counter, leaning back on your hands, and wearing a familiar looking, but very little, elf costume is what invoked it.

But it wasn’t real laughter, no. It was a laugh of disbelief. One that came out from a mouth so very dry because of the soft flesh that exposed itself as the short skirt you wore rode up when you crossed your legs in a painfully awkward way you weren’t used to and the way the brown bodice of your dress pushed your cleavage up and on display just for him.

One that came from a guy who believed he had to have been the luckiest fucker in the world to have a girl willing to indulge him like this.

“I happen to be lost, good sir,” your voice came out airy - nervous - and you would’ve felt increasingly ridiculous had your eyes not trailed down to see a very large tent in your boyfriend’s pants. “I’d been hoping to find the help of a skilled… of a, um…”

Eddie’s lips were quick to upturn into a wolfish grin before he whispered into your direction, “Dungeon master.”

You nodded slightly, giving him a shy smile in thanks, and straightened your back as you spoke again, this time more confidently, “I’d been hoping to find the help of a skilled dungeon master.”

Eddie hummed, his grin ever-so-present and his eyes gleaming with unbridled joy. “To?”

It has to be the first time in your entire relationship with him that he’s actually managed to keep his mouth from running - and it just had to be to torture you.

“To… To help me find my way back home.”

“Ah,” Eddie had begun to edge closer to you and your legs uncrossed without you even realizing, thighs now resting flat on the counter and feet swinging nervously. He gestured around dramatically, speaking in a grandiose manner, “You come from a distant land?”

“Yeah! Yes, um,” you cleared your throat, “And I’d… uh, I’d be willing to do-” your legs parted slowly for him “-anything to pay you for…” your brows furrowed slightly before you lit up again, “for safe passage!”

He fits between your legs like a missing puzzle piece and his rings burned against the skin of your thighs when he gripped onto them. “Anything?” his words came out low and playful, his eyes trailing shamelessly over your cleavage and back up to your face to meet your eyes. “I’m afraid a dungeon master such as myself is a little more technical than creative. You’re gonna have to get specific, little elf.”

The statement had laughter bubbling in your throat that you barely managed to restrain in order to get your words out straight, “Not creative? Eddie, you-” The expectant look he gave you made you stop mid sentence, your lips forming a silent ‘Oh’.

“Well,” you resume with a small smile, sliding your hands up his chest and locking them behind his neck, playing with the hairs there, “I’d let you have me any way you wanted.”

“Yeah?” Eddie’s voice came out low and quiet, his hands sliding up your thighs as yours had begun to scratch at the nape of his neck. His eyes drooped at the sensation.

“Mhm,” you continued, “I’d let you put me into whatever position you like ‘nd flip this skirt up,” you brushed soft curls back and brought your lips to his ear, “I’d let you fuck whichever hole you wanted ‘till you stuff me full of your cum,” you laughed softly when he groaned out a loud “Fuck” before you added on cheekily, “Oh, great one.”

The sound that came out of him next was strangled, sounding next to inhuman, as the fingers that trailed all the way up your skirt were met with your bare pussy, lips already wet and clit swollen with want.

His fingers ghosted through your folds before a rumble came from the back of his throat. You pulled back to meet his gaze and was greeted with yet another mischievous smirk. “Why, what a naughty elf!”

His voice sounded ridiculous - three pitches too high with what was his attempt at an overly dramatic British accent - and another spout of laughter bubbled in your throat. This time, your giggles echoed throughout the room - and Eddie’s laughs were quick to join yours.

You managed to laugh until you were both breathless, faces close and lips ghosting over one another. Eddie let out one last chuckle before whispering, still using that stupid accent, “And why, pray tell, do you still laugh, dear lady?” His hands hike up the soft rich green coloured fabric of your skirt for good measure. “I believe I still require payment for my services.”

“You do? Oh, you do, don’t you? Ah!” You yelped, giggles still following every sound that came from your mouth, when he pulled you to the edge of the counter by your hips, urging you to lie down when his hands pushed your legs up by the gripping at the backs of your thighs and leaving you open for him. Heat spread over your cheeks when you felt his breath hit your pussy and you told him breathlessly, yet cheekily all-the-same, “Y’should take your payment then, dungeon master.”

His voice still edged at the line of weird when responded, but your cunt still flooded with slick, “With a pretty pussy like this, how could I resist such an offer?”

It’s messy - like it always is. He eats you out like a man starved - his tongue gliding through your folds and fucking into your fluttering hole until a mixture of his spit and your slick are running down his chin and your ass, dripping onto the edge of the counter and the floor. His lips latched onto your clit and one hand left your thigh to fuck two thick finger into your cunt, forcing a cry from your lips.

His fingers curled up, rubbing incessantly over your g-spot, and your walls clenched around them. His mouth left your pussy and you pushed up onto your elbows to meet his gaze half way. Your cheeks flush in embarrassment when you’re met with the state of his face; his lips swollen shiny with slick and spit, his chin dripping with it too.

A devilish grin never looked more fitting on someone. His dark eyes gleamed dangerously as leant forward, his body casting a shadow over yours, and connected his forehead to yours. His lips met yours in a series of messy kisses, his tongue tasting of you, and you’re both moaning into each other’s mouths; you because of the fingers that continued to work your pussy and him because of the sight you were to behold. He pulled away and laughed lowly, “Beg for it.”

You were just at the brink, he felt it and his thumb hovered over your sensitive clit. You whined softly, “Eddie…”

“C’mon,” he singsonged before he leaned back into you, fingers stopping their movement and his thumb only pressing down onto your clit, tone suddenly turning desperate as he pressed his head to yours again, “c’mon, c’mon, c’mon, pretty girl, just beg for it. Beg for me to make you come and I’ll do it. I swear I’ll have you dripping down my fucking wrist ‘nd then I’ll stuff you full just how you like it.”

“Please, baby.” Tears pricked at your eyes when his fingers began to pump inside of you again, the wet squelch of your pussy taking the thick digits echoing throughout the room, and his thumb began to rub light circles into your clit that had you whimpering. “Please make me come!”

His other hand left your thigh and the sound of his fly being unzipped echoed through the room. The length of his cock slapped against your inner thigh and your eyes shot down to see him, the fat tip red and gleaming with precum.

“Want you to fuck me with that big fucking dick, Eddie,” you spoke through gritted teeth, walls clamping down around his fingers as you got impossibly close, “‘till I can’t fucking see straight.”

“Jesus Christ,” Eddie didn’t try to hide his awe with a whisper. He stared down at you with eyes full of wonderment and lust, committing the way your eyes fluttered closed and your nose scrunched up to memory for the thousandth time as you came around his fingers with a cry of his name. His voice was loud and needy - his cock jumped against your thigh. “God, I love you.”

He was impossibly quick to rip his fingers from you and guide his cock to your entrance, pushing in with ease. Your walls, swollen and spasming, molded and gripped onto his cock like a lock to a key.

His thrusts started up immediately, desperation guiding him, and the lewd sounds that were both your pussy gushing around him and his balls slapping against your ass echoed through the trailer.

His hands were back on the backs of your thighs once more, but this time pushing your legs further towards your chest. Still, they were separated enough for him to get his fill of your pussy swallowing his cock, watching as you painted a pretty white ring onto the base of him, and your breasts.

“Hold your leg up for me, baby, please.” Without a second thought, you listened. You brought your hand up to grip the thigh that Eddie released. Now, his hand was free to pull at the fabric that covered your breasts. He groaned in satisfaction, eyes widening in appreciation, “There my girls are.”

You whined as the cool air hit your nipples, but the warm hands that palmed at them quickly made up for it. His thrusts picked up just to watch as they moved against the force of them.

Another grin found its way to his lips as his eyes trailed over your body before he had to pull his bottom lip between teeth to stop the sudden ‘Fuck!’ that was bound to escape him after your pussy clamped down around him with a finality he knew all too well.

Eddie looked up to find your eyes, noting with pride at how glassy and hooded they were because of him, and his hand moved down from your breasts to thrum at your clit - your vision blurred, the knot in your belly snapping with a pitiful cry from your lips.

“That’s it,” his voice broke with the second word - the way your pussy spasmed around him and attempted to milk every drop of cum he had yet to give impossible to ignore - and he had to clear his throat, his voice more desperate than ever, “you like coming on my cock, baby? You look so fucking pretty when you-” he moaned “do.”

“Yea-” your breath caught in your throat when he gave a deep thrust. A triumphant laugh escaped his lips but that didn’t stop you, fucked out, words slurred, and all, “Well, I think I look prettier plugged up with your cum, Eddie.”

A breathless laugh came from him, though his face conveyed nothing but him attempting restraint. “Stop, or-”

“Always feel prettier walking around with you dripping down my thighs.”

That did it.

He gave a strangled shout as he thrusted into you for the last time, a dragged out “fuck” leaving his lips in a lazy drawl.

You both moaned as his cum pumped into you; you because of the fullness and warmth that spreads through your core and him because of the walls that clamp down around him to bleed him dry for real this time around. You bit your lip to fight off a small giggle when you felt his balls twitching against your ass.

He let his body fall over yours as you both caught your breaths. With a grumble, you fought off the messy curls that crowded you, a smile rising to your face when you felt Eddie laughing into your neck.

When Eddie finally got his breath back, he lifted his head and offered you a weaker version of that devilish grin with a hum. “We should invest in some elf ears for the next time, cutie.”

#eddie munson x reader #notsfw #eddie munson #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x fem!reader #eddie munson smut #eddie munson fanfiction #eddie munson fanfic #stranger things fanfiction #stranger things smut #stranger things x reader #stranger things

[chaotic-archaeologist]

hi internet bro, You posted Duolingo Yiddish the other day. Are you taking it as a heritage language ? Did you hear it growing up? How do you feel about studying it (in the Duo version of study)

I ask because I am curious about learning the language of my ancestors, but don't have a clear place to use it- whereas my workplace is multilingual and it would be more practical to learn the trade languages I hear every day.

but I still want to help revitalize indigenous languages and culture.

Hey there, thanks for asking!

I'm learning Yiddish because it's the language of my ancestors who fled Russian and Lithuania in the wake of pogroms at the beginning of the 20th century. When they reached American there was a great deal of pressure to assimilate.

One of my great great grandfathers was very proud of his ability to speak English without an accent, something that he associated with his success in starting a business which would later give him the ability to send my grandfather to college, making him the first person to do so. On the 1920 census, that great great grandfather's native language is listed as Jewish, which was sometimes how Yiddish was referred to.

My grandmother grew up in a house with Yiddish speaking parents. They were orthodox, but her father didn't wear a kippah outside of the house because of the pressure to assimilate. Her parents only spoke Yiddish when they didn't want their children to understand what they were saying. As a result, my grandmother never learned.

So I'm learning Yiddish for the same reason I wear a kippah, because my not-so-distant ancestors didn't feel like they could. Because it makes me feel connected to them, who and what they left behind, and the generations of Jews who have kept Yiddish alive both in Europe and diaspora communities. Certainly, it's less "practical" than learning Spanish or Chinese or Arabic or any number of other languages that are more commonly spoken.

But if we only learned languages because they're practical, what happens to the languages that don't make the cut? What happens to the languages that have been deliberately suppressed by colonialism and genocide and assimilation? There are many different reasons to learn a language; practicality is only one of them.

I'll be honest: I'm conflicted about the Duo version of Yiddish. Here's a really good article that explains the debate over the dialect of Yiddish that Duolingo chose to use for their course. The TL;DR is that Duolingo teaches Hasidic Yiddish, a popular dialect but not a universal one. Different dialects result from different communities, and there are political implications for choosing one over the others.

But Duolingo is free, and it's easy for me to spend ten minutes in the evening practicing a few words. It's not the best language learning platform by any means, but it has the language I wanted to learn and it meets my (admittedly simple) needs. After a year or so (and I'm maybe 50% of the way through the course) I find myself able to read simple texts and understand snatches of spoken Yiddish.

I'm also a member of the Yiddish Book Center, which I would totally recommend. They have lots of great resources for learning Yiddish and for interacting with Yiddish culture via literature, oral history, music, art, etc. Most of their programming is in English, and is easily accessible. There are other organizations out there doing great work to support and revitalize Yiddish, this is just the one I'm most familiar with.

(mazel) מאַזל

-Reid

#he speaks #yiddish #duolingo

[calitsnow]

Summary of all mentions of members of Hong Lu's family in the game + comparison with the original book

Summary:

Mention of his “family” in general in the game

Mention of the family elders in the game + comparison with the original work

Mention of his grandmother in the game + comparison with the original work

Mention of his grandfather in the game + comparison with the original work

Mention of his father in the game + comparison with the original work

Mention of his siblings in the game + comparison with the original work

Mention of his brother (Jia Huan) in the game

I wanted to recap all the times Hong Lu talks about his family or a particular member of his family while at the same time comparing them to their version of the original novel by giving some info on the latter (assuming that Hong Lu = Jia Baoyu ). I excluded from this list the uncles and aunts by marriage as well as Baoyu's cousins ​​ for various reasons (too long otherwise, not mentioned...) but I will perhaps do a part 2 to talk about them.

Was also excluded, the entire branch which stems from Jia Yan (the brother of Jia Yuan (the father of Jia Daishan, the husband of Grandmother Jia)), a branch which remains important since it is this one who leads to the actual Head of the Ningguo Mansion (Jia Zhen) when the story takes place. But since, they are distant relatives/cousins ​​of Jia Baoyu, that was taking me too far and so I had to remove them from this list. But I still wanted to mention it since it is an important branch of the family

The Jia family is mainly composed of 4 great families: the Jia Family, the Xue Family, the Wang Family and the Shi family in other words those who were born with the name Jia and those who joined the family by marriage / alliance / by being the brother / sister of one of the grooms… (born Xue or Wang or Shi).

There are also other families like the Xing or Lin family joining the Jia family but whose name appears (very) less often and which are also not considered as one of the great families of the novel.

This list of family members is made in relation to the place they occupy in relation to Jia Baoyu.

I/Mention of his “family” in general in the game

LCB sinner, chatter#3

Abn. logs, Pink shoes: lacking data

Abn. Logs, Sign of Roses: level 1

Abn. Logs, Sign of Roses: level 3

Liu Association South Section 5, story

Liu Association South Section 5, story

K Corp. Class 3 excision staff, post-uptie chat 2

W Corp. L2 Cleanup agent, Idle

Main story, Canto II, episode: 3

Detour Tales, Chapter 5.5, Miracle in district 20, episode: 13

Main story, Canto V, episode: 2

Hong Lu’s promo pre-limbus company release (Hong Lu also mentions the family’s chef’s side dishes but I didn’t include it because it was not about his family specifically)

II/Mention of the family elders in the game + comparison with the original work

W Corp. L2 Cleanup agent, story

W Corp. L2 Cleanup agent, story

Main story, Canto IV, episode: 27

To tell the truth, I don't really know what the term "elders" is supposed to encompass in this context in the sense that, I don't know whether or not parents and/or uncles/aunts should be included in addition to the grandparents.

In my opinion the term "elders" refers to all the generations who are above the one who uses this term (in this case Hong Lu / Jia Baoyu) so I would tend to want to count the parents and uncles / aunts but I cannot say this with certainty.

I will therefore base myself on my interpretation so that it will allow me to talk about more characters of the novel but do not hesitate to let me know what this term encompasses!

1st generation:

Grand parents:

Jia Daishan:

Son of Jia Yuan

first Duke of Rong

husband of Grandmother Jia

father of Jia She, Jia Min and Jia Zheng

grandfather of the three first Spring Ladies (Jia Yuanchun, Jia Tanchun and Jia Yingchun), Jia Zhu, Baoyu, Daiyu, Jia Huan, Jia Lian

died before the beginning of the novel, reason why we don’t know much about him

Grandma Jia (the Dowager):

Daughter of the Marquis Shi of Jinling

Wife of Jia Daishan

Grandmother Jia is a generation above the oldest member of the Rongguo Mansion (Jia Jing)

Thus, members of the Jia family all defer to her

For further information, refer to the paragraph dedicated to her below

Great uncle(s):

Dowager’s brother:

We don't know much about the Dowager's brother

He is Grandmother Jia’s brother

He is the father of Shi Ding and Shi Xiangyun's Father

He is Shi Xiangyun’s grandfather

died before the beginning of the novel, reason why we don’t know much about him

2nd generation:

Parents:

Jia Zheng:

Jia Zheng is the second and youngest son of Jia Daishan and Grandmother Jia.

He has a wife, Lady Wang, and two concubines: Zhao (with whom he had two children) and Zhou

For further information, refer to the paragraph dedicated to him below

Lady Wang:

Daughter of one of the four most prominent families of Jinling (Wang)

Primary wife of Jia Zheng

Mother of Baoyu and Yuanchun

Because of her purported ill-health, she hands over the running of the household to her niece, Wang Xifeng

In the eyes of her servants, she appears as a statue of a lifeless Buddha.

Although generous, she is described as without will or conviction.

Lady Wang seems kind and caring but can be cruel and ruthless when her authority is questioned.

She shows excessive concern about her son Baoyu's romantic relationships and closely monitors his maids.

Lady Wang plays a role in the death of Baoyu's maid, Qingwen, due to her suspicion and cruelty toward maids she perceives as threats to her son's virtue.

Uncles:

Jia She:

Elder son of the Dowager

Big brother of Jia Zheng and Jia Min

Husband of Xing furen

He has 2 concubines: Yingchun’s mother and Jia Cong's mother

Father of Jia Lian, Jia Yingchun and Jia Cong

He inherited the title of Marquis Rong

He is treacherous and greedy, as well as seductive/woomanizer.

He feels jealous towards his younger brother, favored by their mother.

He was later stripped of his title and banished by the government.

Father of Wang Ren and Wang Xifeng:

Lady Wang’s brother

Also brother of Wang Ziteng and Wang Zisheng

Father of Wang Ren and Wang Xifeng:

Wang Ziteng:

Lady Wang’s brother

Also brother of Wang Xifeng’s father and Wang Zisheng

Wang Zisheng:

Lady Wang’s brother

Also brother of Wang Xifeng’s father and Wang Ziteng

Aunts:

Jia Min:

Daughter of Jia Daishan and Grandmother Jia

Sister of Jia She and Jia Zheng

Wife of Lin Ruhai

Mother of Lin Daiyu

Xue Yima also known as Aunt Xue:

Sister of Lady Wang

Sister of Wang Ziteng, Wang Zisheng and Wang Xifeng’s father

Mother to Xue Pan and Xue Baochai

She is generally kind and affable.

However, she struggles to control her rambunctious son.

III/ Mention of his grandmother in the game + comparison with the original work

K Corp. Class 3 excision staff, story

K Corp. Class 3 excision staff, story

K Corp. Class 3 excision staff, story

K Corp. Class 3 excision staff, story

W Corp. L2 Cleanup agent, chatter #1

K Corp. Class 3 excision staff, post-uptie chat 1

Detour Tales, Chapter 5.5, S.E.A, episode: 4

If Hong Lu is indeed the equivalent of Jia Baoyu in the world of limbus company, Hong Lu's grandmother should be the one known as Grandmother Jia, née Shi:

Grandmother Jia:

Also called Dowager Shi or simply the Dowager

She is the daughter of the Marquis Shi of Jinling

Grandmother Jia is a generation above the oldest member of the Rongguo Mansion (Jia Jing)

Main elder of the great family, she is the oldest and most respected authority of the Jia Clan

Of an enjoyable temperament, she does not intervene in the private lives of her children provided that they do not disturb her, even if they have become debauched or high rollers.

It was she who arranged for Daiyu, her only "outside" (i.e., maternal) grandchild, to come to the Rongguo Mansion

She spoils her grandson Baoyu whom she carries in adoration

Despite this, she does not approve of his love for Daiyu

She is the one who supports the marriage arranged by Sister Pheonix (Wang Xifeng) between Baoyu and Baochai

She will die at the ripe old age of 83

Maybe it's just me, but she seems to be one of the people if not the person who pays the most attention to Jia Baoyu's jade, reminding him to take care of it, asking him if he knows where it is his jade when he is not wearing it, paying attention to the stone...

IV/ Mention of his grandfather in the game + comparison with the original work

Detour Tales, Chapter 5.5, Yield my flesh to claim their bones, episode: 4

Abn. Logs, Pink shoes: lacking data

Hong Lu’s promo pre-limbus company release (yéyé" (爷爷) meaning "grandfather" or “grandpa”. It is an affectionate term used to refer to one's grandfather in Mandarin.)

So we don’t really know which of his two grandfathers Hong Lu is referring to but knowing that in the novel only his paternal grandfather is mentioned and died before the novel begins, I think the "grandfather" Hong is talking about is Jia Daishan (and that he probably died in the world of Limbus Company too)

Jia Daishan:

Son of Jia Yuan

first Duke of Rong

husband of Grandmother Jia

father of Jia She, Jia Min and Jia Zheng

grandfather of the three first Spring Ladies (Jia Yuanchun, Jia Tanchun and Jia Yingchun), Jia Zhu, Baoyu, Daiyu, Jia Huan, Jia Lian

died before the beginning of the novel, reason why we don't know much about him

V/ Mention of his father in the game + comparison with the original work

LCB sinner, chatter#1

If Hong Lu is indeed the equivalent of Jia Baoyu in the world of limbus company, Hong Lu's father should be Jia Zheng:

Jia Zheng:

He is the second and youngest son of Jia Daishan and Grandmother Jia.

He has a wife, Lady Wang, and two concubines: Zhao (with whom he had two children) and Zhou

Father of Jia Zhu (deceased), Jia Yuanchun, Jia Baoyu, Jia Tanchun and Jia Huan

Confucianism had a great influence on him: he is a Confucian scholar who tries to be an upright and decent person, he fulfills his duties of filial piety towards the Dowager, and wants to educate his children strictly

Afraid his one surviving heir will turn bad, he imposes strict rules on his son (Jia Baoyu), and uses occasional corporal punishment.

Jia Baoyu is afraid of him

He has the ambition to become a good civil servant

But he lacks experience and is easily deceived by others, which earns him a bad reputation.

VI/ Mention of his siblings in the game + comparison with the original work

Main story, Canto III, episode: 2

Detour Tales, Chapter 5.5, episode: 13

Abn. Logs, Pink shoes: lacking data

If Hong Lu is indeed supposed to be the Jia Baoyu of the world of Limbus Company, then, if we refer to the novel The Dream of the Red Room, Hong Lu should, like Baoyu, have 4 siblings:

Jia Zhu:

First son of Jia Zheng and Lady Wang

Big brother of Jia Baoyu and Jia Yuanchun and half-brother of Jia Tanchun and Jia Huan since they share the same father.

In the original novel, Jia Zhu is already dead prior to the action of the novel, so we know very little about him.

He had a son (Jia Lan) with Li Wan

Jia Yuanchun:

First female family member of the quartet of "Springs", first daughter of Jia Zheng and Lady Wang

Big sister of Jia Baoyu and Jia Yuanchun and half-sister of Jia Tanchun and Jia Huan since they share the same father.

She is about 10 years older than Baoyu.

She was raised by her grandmother

As an older sister, she taught Baoyu to read and write when he was liitle like his mother would have done.

Originally one of the ladies-in-waiting in the imperial palace, Yuanchun is later promoted to the highest ranking of imperial concubine "Xiande”, having impressed the Emperor with her virtue and intellect.

Despite her prestigious position, Yuanchun feels imprisoned within the four walls of the imperial palace.

She died at the age of forty, following an illness, in total isolation.

Jia Tanchun:

Third female family member of the quartet of "Springs", second daughter of Jia Zheng and his concubine, concubine Zhao

Big sister of Jia Huan and younger half-sister of Jia Zhu, Jia Yuanchun and Jia Baoyu since they share the same father.

The fact that she is the daughter of a concubine is still such a burden that she often claims Lady Wang, Baoyu's mother, as her own

Tanchun is a very clever and capable person, as much as Sister Phoenix for comparison

But, as the proverb says, "he who comes last will have fewer opportunities than the others", and this is what happened to her, because when her family declined she had not done much and she was sent to a distant region following an arranged marriage

Jia Huan:

Third son of Jia Zheng and his concubine, concubine Zhao

Little brother of Jia Tanchun and younger half-brother of Jia Zhu, Jia Yuanchun and Jia Baoyu since they share the same father.

More info just below

VII/ Mention of his brother (Jia Huan) in the game

Main story, Canto I, episode: 30

Main story, Canto V, episode: 18 (there we don’t know if he is talking about Jia Huan or not but there are not many other options and from what we can deduce from Jia Huan’s behaviour (in game and in the book too) it’s not very out off character)

Jia Huan:

Third male family member of the generation of the Jia household, son of Jia Zheng and his concubine, concubine Zhao

Little brother of Jia Tanchun and half-brother of Jia Zhu, Jia Yuanchun and Jia Baoyu since they share the same father.

He is described as ugly and clumsy

He and his mother are both reviled by the family, and he carries himself like a kicked dog.

He is very cunning but mediocre, he shows his malignant nature by spilling candle wax, intending to blind his half-brother Baoyu

That’s all! If I have forgotten any moments where Hong Lu talks about his family, don't hesitate to tell me and I will add it! Also, I tried to verify and proof-read all the info and everything should be correct but if I made a mistake feel free to point it out to me :)

#limbus company #hong lu lcb #project moon #dream of the red chamber spoilers #tw: blood #tw: mentions of abuse #not an analysis but how could I call that #a database??

[undeadmagick]

Jörmungandr Guide

I've been posting a bit about the World Serpent and figured I should make a whole guide on him. Jörmungandr was the second deity that I began working with. And as he is a being with little information, despite having a major role in Norse myth, I find it difficult to easily devote myself to him so here's some advice for others! (Note: Most of the offerings and associations are UPG. This is what I have learned from my experience with Jörmungandr.)

Name: Jörmungandr (Yor-Mun-Gan-Dur). "jǫrmun" means "vast" or "immense". "gandr" is a little uncertain in definition but generally understood to mean "magic", "wand", or "beast".

Other Names: "Miðgarðsormr" meaning "World Serpent" or "Midgard Serpent". In Skaldic poetry, he can be seen as being referred to with some variation of "Reistr Jarðar" meaning "earth-twist" or "earth-curl".

Family:

Father: Loki, The Trickster God

Mother: Angrboða, Mother of Monsters

Brother: Fenrir, He Who Dwells in the Marshes

Sister: Hel, Goddess of Death

Main Myths: Thor lifting Jörmungandr disguised as a cat, Thor's fishing trip, Ragnarök

Common Misconception: Jörmungandr is neither evil nor the cause of Ragnarök. Jörmungandr is a neutral being who is the personification of rebirth and change. He is a warning of Ragnarök beginning, not the reason. Ragnarök is a fated event, always meant to happen. It's important to note that Ragnarök is not the END but the end of the world that WE know. In the myths, there are deities, like both Odin and Thor's children, who survive and begin anew in the new world which will be repopulated. Rebirth is core to Jörmungandr and it should be noted in his myths, besides Ragnarök, it is Thor who finds Jörmungandr. Jörmungandr is described to be an ouroboros who remains wrapped around Midgard, minding his own.

Past this will be UPG(Unverified Personal Gnosis) unless marked with an *, in which case, these symbols are mentioned in his myths.

Personality: Personally, in my presence, Jörmungandr is a very intimidating being. Not because he is purposely trying to scare those who interact with him, but because he is very firm and can be distant in his words. Very forward in his wants for you, he provides advice and doesn't demand anything in turn. Jörmungandr is not one who holds your hand to guide you. He is very much a being who wants to see you take charge in life. He cares less for physical offerings and more devotional acts that are beneficial to yourself. He wants your pursuit of change, your ambitions to thrive, your pursuit of life in general. While other deities may provide a familial bond with those who work with them, Jörmungandr is very much a stoic mentor who is waiting for you to show your efforts.

What you may learn with Jörmungandr: How to set and enforce boundaries, how to be comfortable with change, how to accept change and move on, self-confidence, self-care, how to take charge of your life, learn shadow work, learn ocean magick, learn runes, healing past traumas

Colors:

Black

Silver

Blue

White

Green

Animals:

Snakes*

Oxen*

Cats*

Fish

Wolves*

Elements:

Water*

Earth*

Fire

Crystals:

Clear Quartz

Black Obsidian

Black Tourmaline

Amazonite

Aquamarine

Moonstone

Tarot:

Wheel of Fortune

Death

The World

Six of Swords

Physical Offerings:

Seashells

Sand or rocks from the Beach

Sea Water

Storm Water

Snake-Related Imagery

World/Earth-Related* Imagery

Eggs

Snake Skin

Runes (Jera, Algiz, Laguz)

Lotus Scents

Water Lily Imagery

Ouroboros* Imagery

Devotional Acts:

Meditate to Ocean sounds

Light Incense

Pursue your goals

Shadow Work

Clean your local beach

Donate to ocean preservation charities

Donate to climate change prevention charities

Build emotional and mental strength

Honor his family (Loki, Hel, Fenrir, Angrboda)

Practicing protection and cleansing magick

Wear snake jewelry

Adopt and care for a snake/reptile

Share your meals with him

#norse paganism #deity work #deity worship #paganism #heathenry #pagan #pagan witch #norse heathen #jormungandr #jormungandr worship #norse jormungandr #polytheism #deity offerings

[zealouswerewolfcollector]

Maiar Hate This Simple Trick

I wrote a sequel to @elentarial‘s Desperation and Defeat for @tolkienremix. Big thanks to @welcomingdisaster for beta! Please make sure to check out the original fic too (and the rest of fics in the collection!)

2234 words, T, background Celebrimbor/Narvi and Celeborn/Galadriel

On Ao3

Compilation of miscellaneous notes and letters sent between the high lords and ladies concerning a particular incident of note occurred in Ost-in-Edhil in the eleventh century of the Second Age.

From Prince Celeborn of Doriath to Lord Celebrimbor of Eregion

Dear Celebrimbor,

You might not be aware of it (I lay no blame on you for ignorance born from inexperience), but when you assumed the leadership of Eregion, you also took upon yourself the burden of responsibility for the safety and comfort of all its citizens. 

Regretfully, my safety and comfort were threatened when the Maia, who hails himself Annatar, chose to visit me uninvited to inquire of the whereabouts of my beloved wife and, most disturbingly, to complain about certain facets of your Dwarven colleague. (I have made my views of your association with that individual perfectly clear, so I shall not repeat myself here.)

Celebrimbor, mayhap the Noldor seek knowledge everywhere, but we, the Sindar, have certain reservations. Thanks to your Maiarin suitor, I now know more of Dwarven anatomy than I ever wanted or needed to know. 

I beseech you to keep this Annatar creature on a short leash if he ever returns (which I doubt as the Dwarf’s physique seems to have thoroughly intimidated him). Perhaps more importantly, I implore you to advise your Dwarven friend to dress modestly. I shudder to think of the response an unexpected encounter similar to what he had with Annatar might elicit in your Sindarin citizens.

I remain at your disposal if you ever need advice concerning governing the realm.

Yours in friendship,

Celeborn

Celebrimbor’s notes:

???

Ask Narvi

Could he not walk for a few minutes and speak to me?

Find out when and why Annatar left

 From Lady Galadriel in Lothlórien to her cousin 

Celebrimbor,

I will keep this brief. I am happy that the pretender has been ousted from Eregion. However, I am very unhappy that he had the gall to come to me with his lies. With all the ousting experience that you have, would it be so difficult to dissuade him? 

But perhaps I give you too much credit. The deceiver likes to add a kernel of truth to his lies to make himself seem more trustworthy, and from what he did not say, I reasoned that Narvi played a great part in his exile. I hope you understand that you should always keep Narvi by your side. Even when the time comes for him to pass to Aulë’s Halls, I strongly advise you to acquire another Dwarven companion after the appropriate mourning period.

Please convey my most cordial greetings to Narvi. Aside from my husband, he is what I miss most of all about Eregion. But if you believe you can come begging me to return now that the imposter is gone, I must disappoint you. I have left for good.

Keep Narvi away from Celeborn, but do try to visit him from time to time. He is lonely, and you are his kinsman, however distant.

Your cousin,

Galadriel

P.S. Celebrían sends her love.

Celebrimbor’s notes:

[a sketch of a ring]

 From Lady Galadriel to her beloved husband Celeborn, Prince of Doriath

Dearest,

How fare you alone, without your wife and your daughter? Enough time has passed for my wrath to abate and allow me to admit that I miss you. Oh, if only you were not stubborn as a Noldo* and joined us in Lothlórien! It is reminiscent of Doriath of old, or it could be one day if we both put our minds to it. Were you here, we could run bare and free as we did in our youth under Melian’s singing trees.

Do you remember, beloved, how I took your hand and asked you to show me the magical corners of your home? You wove a garland from the golden beech leaves in Neldoreth and put it over my hair. Your touch was as soft as the grass beneath my feet. In the cold waters of Esgalduin, we pledged our eternal love to each other, witnessed only by the nightingales and Eru himself.

In Lothlórien we may regain some of what we have lost. The song of the trees is different but no less sweet. When the mellyrn seeds grow into trees, we shall have something even Melian did not. If you close your eyes, do you see you and I walking under their bright leaves? Do you see yourself taking my hand and asking me to show you my best-loved part of the forest? I see it, beloved, I do.

[omitted two pages of descriptions of Lothlórien and three pages of intimate nature]

Incidentally, the detested Maia paid me a visit recently. I will not tire you by repeating what he said. It was the same old lies he had bored me with in Ost-in-Edhil. I am surprised he insisted yet again he was an apprentice of Aulë, knowing that I knew for certain he was lying. He seemed rattled, for the lack of a better word, as much as someone like him can be rattled. I am quite sure it was due to his expulsion from Eregion.

Dearest, I need to know exactly what happened, what affected him so, and how it can be turned against him and those of his ilk. I have already written to Celebrimbor, but it is highly unlikely he will write back or be aware of the details of the events that transpired. Thus, it falls to you to find out. Begin with Narvi the dwarf. If you are fortunate, it will end with him. I suspect he has played the greatest role in the pretender’s defeat.

Once more, I want to emphasize the importance of your task. I care not what you have to do. Even if you have to grovel before Narvi, do it. I need every detail. I know you find his dalliance with Celebrimbor offensive, but if you wish to have any chance for us to live as a husband and wife again, you will do this for me. If you are successful, I might even consider returning to Ost-in-Edhil with our daughter. I have not told her I am writing to you again. It upsets her greatly not to have you with us. I have no desire to remind her of it.

If you have any doubts, reread my letter, dearest. I know you will do what is best for our family. 

Your loving wife,

Galadriel

* Margin note from Celeborn։ the Noldor do not own the concept of stubbornness

 From Elrond, King’s herald, to Lord Celebrimbor in Ost-in-Edhil

My dear Celebrimbor,

Are you as surprised as I am to realize that ages have passed since our last meeting? I cannot lament my duties, and I know that you, too, bear yours gladly, but surely we should strive to find more time for those we hold dear. More and more frequently, I find myself wanting to turn to you for advice or for a simple conversation like the ones we used to have so long ago. I am not the only one who misses you for you have touched the hearts of many people before you moved East. 

[omitted five pages of detailed reports on mutual friends]

Dear Celebrimbor, please do not think this is the only reason I am writing to you, but I need your help with a matter that might prove greatly significant. I must begin with a story that will certainly sound very familiar to you. Several years ago, a Maia came to Lindon, claiming to have been in the training of Aulë and offering his aid and counsel. The King was tempted, as was I, and as I am sure anyone would be. However, soon I came to mistrust the Maia and his words for the promises he made seemed designed to gratify his listener and often changed depending on who he was talking to, but in such a way that the listener failed to notice. Moreover, I perceived he did not favor me much, which would not trouble me, as you certainly know, if he did not speak so sweetly to my face and then whisper to the King’s ear that I was contemplating usurping him.

Fortunately, this was what made the King reconsider accepting the Maia’s offer for Ereinion Gil-galad knows me better than I know myself and has never questioned my loyalty. The Maia was asked to leave Lindon, and we did not hear of him again until weeks ago when he reappeared in Lindon and flung himself, repentant, at the King’s feet. He swore he regretted his mistakes and had come to atone as well as reiterated his offer to help preserve the beauty, power and youth of the Eldar for ages to come. Presently, I received a letter from Lady Galadriel, cautioning me against trusting the Maia and recounting a compelling story about a Dwarven friend of yours, who is seemingly unperturbed by Maiarin wiles. I shall copy her letter here, so you can read it for yourself.

[omitted Galadriel’s letter]

My dear Celebrimbor, I fear the Maia has truly learned from his mistakes and shall henceforth be even more careful in his actions. Even if he does not sway the King, there are others he may influence, and if his intentions are verily as malicious as I suspect, we might be facing a disaster once he succeeds. Therefore, I ask you to share the tale of your Dwarven companion with me and the King, so we can know how to fight this evil. Please spare no details. Perhaps you may not agree or may think I am exaggerating, but finding out how to counteract a rogue Maia might be the most noteworthy discovery of our age.

The King and I shall await your response eagerly.

Forever your friend,

Elrond

Celebrimbor’s notes:

Ask Narvi

Ask Elrond to get to the point at least by the third page

[a sketch of a ring]

[a sketch of Narvi unclothed]

 From Celebrimbor to Narvi

My love, 

Celeborn has finally taken his leave. What a strange speech he gave! Unnecessarily belligerent too if I may say so. And how long! I could have worked instead or spent time with you. I must remedy the time missed. Consider this note an invitation to dinner. I am going to have it in the forge, so we can work as well as eat.  

Besides, I have a favor to ask of you. I have received several letters, all concerning the same matter. I suspect you are more knowledgeable about it than I am. Perhaps you could draft an answer and subtly remind my friends and kin how occupied with work you and I are.

However, I should ask you to explain to me first exactly what happened. The letters suggest an odd sequence of events, although amusing. But I should like to hear from your lips how you banished poor Annatar. 

Is it a long story? If so, perhaps you should not wait until dinner and come to see me immediately. I have truly missed you. All of you.

Your Shorty

 From High King Ereinion Gil-galad to his herald Elrond Peredhel

Greetings Elrond,

I hope you are well. I am puzzled. I have received a strange letter from Celebrimbor. It contains drawings and measurements detailing the anatomy of a Dwarf. Celebrimbor claims it can be used as a weapon. It was sent at your request. Care to explain? I am not interested in any genitals, including Dwarven. I have no idea why Celebrimbor thought it a good idea. I have little time for it. 

The letter is enclosed. Do what you will with it. Please keep me uninformed. 

Ereinion Gil-galad

High King of the Noldor

No notes left on the letter, but contemporaries speak of one of the loudest sighs ever uttered by Elrond Peredhel.

 From Narvi in Ost-in-Edhil to King Durin III

Esteemed Sovereign,

As per your request, I am sending my regular report on the happenings in the Elven realms. Not much has changed since my last letter. My collaboration with the elf is going smoothly. The work on the Doors is nearly complete. Some Elves here remain as conceited as they have been when it comes to Dwarves, but I never fail to answer them in kind. 

Celebrimbor has proven himself an excellent partner in all senses. With your permission, I would like to invite him to Khazad-dûm, so you can make sure of it yourself. I do hope he will not be too popular. I have no desire to spend my life fighting off competitors.

In related news, the sacrilegious villain I have written about in my previous letters is gone from this realm, hopefully for good. I did not want to take credit for it, but some elf-lords have realized it was my doing and are now clamoring for my advice.

My king, I find it necessary for you to know how to dispose of him too. If the elves continue denying this miscreant, he may appear before the doors of Khazad-dûm, trying to get into your good graces. Forgive my forwardness, my king, but in that case, I suggest you and your guards welcome him in the nude. I assure you the sight is guaranteed to make him flee to the shadows he has come from, never to return.

Your servant,

Narvi

#silmarillion #celebrimbor #narvi #galadriel #celeborn #elrond #silm fic #tolkienremix #zwc fic #my first fic that takes place entirely in the second age #this also passes my personal mae.dhros bechdel test

[unironicallycringe]

Posting here briefly, as though I'm whispering an aside on stage

Ive been hitting high highs and low lows. With everything that's associated with my particular trauma, a lot of dark thoughts got unearthed during The Incident. It's just been a raw nerve constantly. It's not something I normally think about with a lens of negativity, but that's what's been happening because a lot of irl issues got tied up in this for me a long time ago and I feel like I lost some progress very easily. I can gain it back of course. It just takes time and some work, and trudging though fluctuating breakdowns. Right now it's like ... when I interact with my AU there's an rng encounter roll that determines if it triggers that or not. It's like a sudden intensity of guilt and self-loathing, thinking I deserved what happened to me as a teen (I didn't), that people online will gossip that I condone it as an adult (I don't), and that I am a bad person because I'm writing what TeenageMe needed and wanted to see (I'm not). Then when that begins the spiral, I feel terrified that the resulting emotional instability will turn people away from me, so I isolate in an effort to "get rid of myself first". And that's not a healthy coping mechanism - it's one I had overcome for several years. It's ok though, it happens. Recovery is not linear. I'm neither a wholly bad nor good person, I just am a person with many facets and experiences and that's what it means to be alive and human.

It's my silly little story with my silly little ship, it's my reclamation and no one is allowed to stain it like that for unfounded reasons, so I shouldn't let that happen.

A while back I wrote this as a journal exercise to process a lot of those feelings, but didn't post it on Tumblr or anything. Im just going to share it here now because it feels right, I think. It's relevant to how I feel again now as I'm back in this spot, but it's helpful to revisit as catharsis.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/49619650

Thanks for reading, I'm still going to be distant here for a while because I can tell the wound is still very much re-opened. Have a good day/night in the meantime

[berrychanx]

Deep Blue Awakening & Blue Knight Shock

Let’s talk about this, and I’ll be using the song Komm Suber Tod (Come Sweet Death) from The End Of Evangelion to make my point.

BLUE KNIGHT PURPOSE

Very simple, Aoyama created this alter ego to protect Ichigo, because he felt hopeless of not being able to help her when she was always there to protect him.

PURPOSE FAILED

“I know, I know i’ve let you down, I’ve been a fool to myself....I thought that I could live for no one else”

By getting Ichigo severely hurt to the point of blood spilling, being K.O on the floor is whole purpose was gone. HE FAILED

“ So, with sadness in my heart- Feel the best thing I could do Is end it all and leave forever “

Kish was *chef kiss* what a perfect mastermind, he knows Blue Knight is doubting his skills so he makes things worst for him, helping him assert his doubts. If he was stronger Ichigo wouldn’t have gotten hurt., she’s also capable of fighting for herself so why does he even exist?

And yes that was the point of the aliens mind breaking him.

For him to unwilling hurt ichigo so they could manipulate him into doubting himself and awaken deep blue.

“I know we can't forget the past

You can't forget love and pride

Because of that, it's killing me inside “

Let’s analyze this shots of Aoyama, he’s a single kid in a dark room, probably his own vision of the orphanage because he can’t related to anyone else and lives in his own world. Not even the light coming from the outside is that bright,

His parents and friends face are covered in black, depicting how distant he is with other humans,we can’t relate to any of them.

Slowly has he grows up he starts hating his peers more and more due to his own personal reasons, that is - Destroying the environment.

Can't live without the trust from those you love“

Until everything changed, he met Ichigo, who was different, she didn’t use him for her personal goals, she would easily express her emotions something Aoyama would have trouble doing and also cared for the environment and wanted to do something to help protect it..

Let’s put ourselves in his shoes, if we knew one of our loved ones was in a war situation we too would like to help somehow if possible, we too would hope they would be safe and didn’t put their lifes in danger.

Ryou doesn't has this struggles cause he's in the operating room with Kei-kun helping in any way they can, he’s also the leader of the project so he knows the dangers that would come from it.

“ I wish that I could turn back time

'Cause now the guilt is all mine “

This thoughts consumed him to the point where he as put her in more danger than he thought it would

The aliens were self aware of his sense of justice and that he would protect Ichigo at any cost and that in return Ichigo would also try to save him.

And that’s exactly what happened, she got in the way of the attack that was directed to him and took the shot.

This was all perfectly orchestrated by the aliens, they knew how fragile Blue Knight state of mind is/was.

“ What's done is done, it feels so bad

What once was happy now is sad

I'll never love again

My world is ending “

He felt a connection with her, something he never did before with anyone, without noticing she helped him develop as a person. And because of that he vowed in his heart to protect this person who gave him a meaning in life.

“I just keep letting me down

Letting me down, letting me down “

“ I've lost everything, everything

Everything that matters to me matters in this world “

Self-Sabotage,

He’s too deep in shock and trauma to the point he’s not hearing anything, he only hears the words that he wants or associates with bad feelings which is FIGHTING, Ichigo wants to fight together and to him in that state of mind means Ichigo will get hurt NO MATTER WHAT.

Despite Ichigo shouting out everything will be ok and she’s capable of protecting herself. The fear of loosing her is to big to the point of consuming all his thoughts. and the aliens knew this.

“ It all returns to nothing

It just keeps tumbling down

Tumbling down, tumbling down

It all returns to nothing

I just keep letting me down

Letting me down, letting me down “

The moment he doubts himself and his goal he freezes and the shell breaks

This vessel is no longer necessary, it as completed its purpose and the real person in control can overcome this body.

The vessel in its mind failed its mission, but to the original host it was successful.

“ Tumbling down

Tumbling down

Tumbling down“

#long post #tokyo mew mew #mew mew power #tokyo mew mew new #analysis #blue kni #deep blue #the blue knig #mew ichigo #aoyama masaya #analyis

[thelordofgifs]

Putting this in an ask because comments have a word limit :D

I LOVE the two conversations with Lúthien and Turgon at the start of part 30 of TFS. It’s clear what Maedhros is *trying* to do - make things better for two people he loves before he leaves, to assuage the guilt of leaving - but what makes it great is that Lúthien and Turgon are both trying to tell him the same thing, and he is not listening. It is not HIMSELF that is a danger, it is the Oath, and he is unable or unwilling to recognize that he can be free of it, which is why he doesn’t get what he’s looking for from either of them.

The Lúthien one really stands out because Maglor doesn’t *seem* particularly tormented by the Oath; Maedhros seems to be projecting his own preoccupations upon Maglor. To the extent that Maglor still seems concerned about the Oath, it’s mostly on Maedhros’ own behalf.

It’s just…the way he’s willing to walk straight into Sauron’s grasp rather than grapple with the realizations that are in front of him!

It’s fantastic characterization.

Thank you so much! Part 30 had a very clear structure in my mind: Maedhros talks to Lúthien about Maglor, he talks to Turgon about Fingon, he talks to Fingon, he talks to Maglor – and he does, I think, feel in some way as though he’s setting his affairs in order before he leaves. (He does not have any expectation at this stage of ever seeing Fingon or Maglor again, also.)

There was a post going around a while ago about how some stories are tragedies because “it didn’t HAVE to end this way” and some stories are tragedies because “it was always GOING to end this way”. What about, I asked myself the other day, walking home from work in the rain, a tragedy that isn’t inevitable – but its protagonist thinks it is? Because I really did want part 30 to feel like a tragedy in one act; and Maedhros, who both canonically and in tfs is almost defined by this utter inability to recognise the shape of the narrative he is caught in, was naturally the central figure of it. I do think this is one of the saddest instalments of the entire fic. It was very hard, emotionally, to write.

So, yes, Maedhros doesn’t listen. He’s too convinced that There Is Only One Way The Story Goes, and convinced also that he is the main character of it: “You do rather think everything is about you, don’t you?” says Turgon, and Maedhros’ immediate internal response, which he decides not to say aloud, is Well it is. And he’s been proven right about Sauron lurking in Dorthonion, and proven right that going public with his relationship with Fingon after centuries of secrecy is a bad idea, which only reinforces his belief that he is right about literally everything. This is… not true, to say the least.

As for the Oath: Maedhros’ current thoughts on it are, in a large part, driven by his conversation with Maglor in part 28, just before the battle.

“When it is won,” he says again, “we might try, perhaps, to rid ourselves of our shackles for good.”

Maedhros stills. “What do you mean by that?”

“You know what I mean, Nelyo,” Maglor says quietly. “The Oath. I do not know if we can free ourselves of it, but I know we must try.”

Maedhros gives him a long, thoughtful look. “Is that what you want?” he asks.

“More than anything,” says Maglor. “Oh, Nelyo, I am tired of being bound. Aren’t you?” He thinks of Menegroth and struggling with all his will against the Oath’s compulsion; and he thinks of Lúthien, who told him he need not regret forever.

Maedhros’ hand goes to the stump of his right wrist. He says nothing.

“I am beginning to believe it possible, at least,” says Maglor.

“All right,” Maedhros murmurs. He sounds resigned more than anything else, although in his eyes is the distant, calculating look Maglor usually associates with his brother the strategist, poring over war-maps and diplomatic correspondence.

Maglor: I want to be free of the Oath

Maedhros: clearly what he is saying is that we need to go after the other two Silmarils and although I do not yet know how to do that or particularly want to do it my precious baby brother must have anything his heart desires

(Also, incidentally, the precise thought that went through Maedhros' head when Maglor asked him if he was tired of being bound was, verbatim, Káno, I am always bound.)

So although Maglor isn't tormented by the Oath exactly, he has been spending a lot of time this arc quietly thinking about it (in fact, he's been thinking about it pretty much the entire fic). And, as Lúthien says, there is a lot that Maglor understands and Maedhros doesn't: namely, that they can be free of the Oath, and that there's a distinction between that and fulfilling it. More on this in the next arc, probably. But Maedhros has fully failed to grasp any of this, even though Lúthien basically spells it out for him when she asks him if Thingol's Silmaril is really what he wants. So instead he goes off and makes what one might reasonably call a Bad Decision.

He's so stupid. He breaks my heart.

#asks #warrioreowynofrohan #the fairest stars #tfs spoilers #maedhros #thank you for the lovely ask!! I have a lot of thoughts

[junkdrawernoggin]

All These Colors Fade For You

Hey! So this is my first attempt at a drable piece. I pondered the idea in class yesterday and woke up this morning with the dark urge to write. Roughly 1300 words, Astarion X Durge

Content Warnings: Blood, violent thoughts, dry-heaving

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

Every person had a favorite color. It was a simple thing that most people could agree on. Iv’a was a person, and therefore she too must have a favorite color. She tried to think, tried recalling such a simple fact about herself. Was it blue, like the skies above the Grove? Or yellow perhaps, like her eyes or the glittering topaz she had picked up in the Underdark.

It was simple little ideas like that which took up her mind in the days before reaching Baldur’s Gate. Who was this other woman that once occupied her mind? Surely she must have had desires, must have had a favorite color. In some very odd way, she mourned for that woman. Was there someone in Baldur’s Gate who might know all those little details about her?

Iv’a watched the fire blaze in front of her. Orange, with flickers of yellow, and…

A hand clapped down on her shoulder. “Lost in thought? I’ve found myself gazing into the fire often as of late. Your portion will cool if you don’t start on it soon though.”

Luckily, it was a welcome hand. Gale’s warm smile soothed her racing mind if only for a moment.

“Ever the camp mother, ay Gale? You know my temperamental stomach. Thought it better not to push, even if it meant missing out on your very adequate cooking.”

“Pardon me, adequate? For all the work I do around here, you’d think I’d get a bit of appreciation!” Gale gave his best effort of a pout and stern gaze, but they both cracked before long. A good chuckle tended to be his medicine of choice.

She considered her earlier question again; perhaps the sage might have some helpful insight. “Gale, might I pose you a question?”

“Just did, but I suppose another one can’t hurt.” She groaned, but he took the seat beside her.

“What’s your favorite color?”

“It’s not obvious?”

“Perhaps, but I want to hear your reasoning.”

He sighed, shaking his head. “Unfortunately, like most choices in my early life, it was Mystra. For whatever reason, when I can truly see the weave it appears purple to me. Magic, the weave, it is everything to me. It’s easy for the color most associated with the thing you love to become a favorite. Then Mystra came along and it solidified things for me. I hope that makes sense outside of my head. Yourself?”

“I-I don’t know,” she admitted “I keep pulling on the threads of my memories hoping they will form a full fabric. It seems the more I pull, the more it all unravels. I thought an easy question would be a good place to start but it’s all distant.”

She kept the more complex thoughts to herself. Ketheric had given hints to her past, but nothing strong enough to stand on. The one fact she had was that “Haeliiv’a” as he had called her was…awful. Truly a despicable person who rightly deserved a painful and torturous death. But now it was not Hael in control of this body, but Iv’a.

Sharing hands with a murderer, and even more so sharing a face, meant taking responsibility for actions she couldn’t understand or recall.

She regretted staring at her hands. They were drenched in blood, and her stomach turned. Gale cleared a path as she ran for her tent. Unfortunately, her uneasy stomach had become a part of camp life they had to work around.

She bent over behind the structure, dry heaving. The grass against her fingers was a comfort as she gagged, eyes watering. Iv'a closed her eyes, begging her body to not work against her.

Cool familiar hands settled on her shoulders. The wizard’s stomach was not strong enough to watch her, let alone handle the smell. And no one else at camp dared to touch her so brazenly.

“Darling, not that this little habit of yours bothers me, but perhaps throwing up every other day isn’t great for your still-living body, hm?”

She sat back on her legs, out of breath and exhausted. It was a small blessing when she felt Astarion pull her against his chest. “But then I would have less use for my elf of an ice pack.” She tried to chuckle, but her throat burned.

“The blood?”

“Isn’t it always?”

The vampire sighed, “you know, it took me the first forty years to get over the sight of blood. Especially my own.”

“It’s not my own. If it were my own I could stomach it. But it’s Gale’s, and Shadowheart’s, and Wyll’s, and Karlach’s, and-and yours.”

“You do understand I don’t have blood of my own, so if you are seeing my blood it’s technically yours.”

If that was supposed to make her feel better, it did not. She slumped against him and tucked her hands into her armpits. Can’t make her sick if she can’t see them.

He set his head against hers, “I’m sorry for this.”

She whipped her head around to him, dizzying herself in the process. “What have you to apologize for? This is my fault, or rather her fault, but I suppose she wasn’t as queasy as I am. Would’ve been nice if she passed that on.”

“Iv’a, you worry me sometimes...” he caught himself. Honesty made him more uncomfortable than any of the close encounters to death they had experienced.

“I wouldn’t blame you, you know?”

“Blame me for what?” For pressing a dagger into her chest, for carving out the thing that poisoned her. For sinking those sharp canines into it, still beating.

Iv'a shook her head. He wouldn’t do that. “For deciding I am too much. Too inconvenient. Too everything. I would never blame you. Hell, honestly it would make far more sense. Everyone else knows to keep their distance.”

“I’ll have you know that our closeness is a strategic advantage-”

“Yes yes, I understand you are terribly manipulating me and I am soon to wake up with no blood. You’d be doing the world a grand favor.”

It was Astarion’s turn to make brutal eye contact. He placed the most gentle of hands on her chin. Not forcing her to look, but making sure she couldn’t turn away. “You are not allowed to joke about that. Joke about murdering the wizard, or the githyanki, but you are not allowed to joke about dying yourself. I just started to figure out how to love someone, and if you take her away I will jump into the hells and fight you myself!”

She gazed into his eyes. Red, but not like blood. Red like sunsets, and red like rubies.

“What’s your favorite color Astarion?”

His face twisted to confusion. “I just had my big moment admitting that I truly care for you, and your response is not to throw yourself into my arms or kiss me like the sun is going out? You seriously just asked me what my favorite color was?”

She twisted her body around to face him, and placed her clean hands on his face dragging him into a kiss. Iv’a never kissed calmly or lightly. Her right hand held his neck at the nape while her left dug into the white curls he put so much effort into keeping pristine.

He tugged her forward, his hands resting in the small of her back and the back of her head. They tipped, and Astarion chuckled against her mouth, now laying on his back. He dragged his teeth over her lips, lightly enough to flavor the kiss with copper.

Her tongue easily slipped in, outlining the fangs of her lover. She only took a breath when it felt like her lungs might explode. His smile filled the emptiness persistent in her heart.

Astarion calmly swiped a thumb across her bottom lip, cleaning up. “I don’t know. I was stuck in the dark so long that every color seems newly wonderful.”

Astarion was a person. And Astarion didn’t have a favorite color. And maybe if he didn’t, that meant she could still be a person and not have one too. Maybe Iv'a didn’t have to be defined by her emptiness, and her attempt to fill it.

“I like that answer.”

#bg3 #baldurs gate 3 #bg3 spoilers #baldurs gate iii #bg3 astarion #bg3 fanfiction #writing #astarion #durge x astarion #bg3 durge #durge #dark urge #durge spoilers #bg3 dark urge #the dark urge

[dav-p]

Biopic (with Matsu Dodo)【UTAU Original】

Illustration by Blythette

Hi hello yes I have the silly brain disorder that makes me dissociate and have an entire high school classroom in my head, so I made a song about it.

If you too enjoy silly songs about having a silly fucked-up brain, you should check it out mayhaps methinks.

I'm also very very silly and wanna maybe go in depth about it so if you're interested at all in that feel free to read more.

‌

Content Warning: Topics of mental illness, dissociation, and trauma will be discussed.

"Biopic" is the opening track on my album "11:11", and it features the vocals of UTAUloid Matsu Dodo.

Biopic is a track that, in it's rawest form, is about being a system, living with a trauma-based dissociative disorder, and how these factors affect the relationship you form with your memories. I have a dissociative disorder, and I am a system myself, which is why I went with this theme.

The goal I had in mind when creating "11:11" was to have it sonically transition from industrial distortion to electronic to piano ballads. So as Biopic is the first song, it's arguably one of the most distorted, industrial, and aggressive tracks in the whole album. Despite this, it simultaneously has a more melancholy sound to it in comparison to other industrial tracks on the album.

Overall, I wanted it to have a more spaced-out sound to it, simulating dissociation in a way. I like to think of the aggressive beats and noise amongst the dissonant synthesizers as representative of memories (more specifically, traumatic ones) and how sudden and chopped up in nature they can be in contrast to the present, to sufferers of dissociative disorders.

The song samples slamming doors, breaking glass, and screaming. Briefly touching on the scream for a moment: It's actually from an audiobook I played a role in. It's from Chapter 15 of The Omega Event, in which [SPOILER INCOMING] the character I play (Hunter Jackson) dies saving his friends. That scream was essentially the conclusion of me playing the role of Hunter Jackson, a character that legitimately changed my life. Playing him was the one thing that got me through the bullshit I faced in 2020. So make of that what you will.

With the artwork and music video, I had the same idea and goal in mind. As the character at the center flashes and fades in and out of sight and videos play in his silhouette when he isn't visible, his surroundings are somehow staying perfectly still. For myself and my system, this is how a lot of our memories manifest to us in our mind. They feel contrasted to reality, to our surroundings, and to what we truly know. They feel distant.

The artwork was created by my really talented friend, Blythette. And the video was created by myself and my alter, Ryuto. (For context, some of my headmates and I go by our own separate aliases online. Hence why Ryuto is credited under his own alias and not mine.)

FUN FACT, most of the videos that play in the character's silhouette throughout the music video are old videos of ours which were taken while we were in middle school and high school. There is only one clip that isn't the case, and that is the very first one with the sunflowers, as that one is a stock clip. I wanted to include sunflowers because I have a very positive association with them in my memories, mainly pertaining to an individual I was really close with in childhood.

Getting into the lyrics, overall they're about experiencing loneliness as a system amongst your memories. As a system, we chose to make each other our family over a large portion of our actual family. However, despite how close we are with one another and how familial we consider each other, it feels like that isn't genuinely real due to the fact that we're a system and share a body. It feels like it's all in our head, because the things we went through together were merely in our head and did not manifest into the material world. It's an isolating feeling of having a true family, but only because YOU and YOUR OWN BRAIN made them, not because anybody actually cared enough to understand your reality.

Okay I think that's all. Overall this is one of my favourite songs I've made thus far, both musically and lyrically. I'm extremely proud of it!

Thanks for reading if you've come this far! Maybe I'll post more analyses of my music in the future if that's something someone might enjoy reading.

#vocaloid #utau #synth v #vocap #vocalop #vocaloid producer #utau producer #biopic #dav-p #did osdd #osddid #dissociative identity disorder #dissociation #amnesia #system #davpmusic #davpofficial #utau original #vocaloid original #synth v original #matsu dodo

[compassionatereminders]

This is, I think, a vent post. Even though I want to beg anyone and everyone for answers to the impossible questions swirling in my crazy head.

I've been in a toxic living situation for a long time and my CPTSD near-constantly triggered. This year between escalating abuse and suicidality, I lashed out at nearly all my closest friends with years worth of built up resentments, causing them to end their friendships with me. All the hurt they've caused me is still playing in endless loops even months later, while all the love and help they gave me feel distant and vague. I don't know how much of my pain is valid and how much this is just my traumatized brain distorting everything. It doesn't help that this is a pattern of behaviour with me. I invalidate my feelings and internalise hurt until I'm at too much of a low point to fight them, lash out, and lose the relationship. Granted, some of them really did treat me shittily, but it's still a dysfunctional and destructive way to interact with people.

I know I should find a therapist, but they've consistently invalidated and traumatized me, and the last one was so bad she made my suicidality go turbo. But I can't help thinking this is all my fault for not trying harder to get help, even though it's hard to pencil that in between wanting to die and stressing about money. My OCD is insisting that I'm a terrible, toxic person who's dangerous to associate with and has no appreciation for anything my friends have done for me over the years.

I just feel torn apart. I'm so angry at my friends but I can't figure out whether I just inflated it all in my head. I think the correct answer is that I didn't deserve the way I hurt them but my feelings insist they did, because they hurt me for so long. I can't figure out why they ended our friendships just because I was angry at all the wrongs they did to me. I think this might not be true and I probably really did mess up. I think I'm making my feelings everyone else's responsibility.

I want to know the correct answer. I want to know whether I'm a bad person who's not worth helping or befriending. I think I probably am, because I hurt everyone who loved and helped me and I'm not even sorry. I think I'm in a lot of pain and being very unkind to myself, but who could be kind to someone so self-pitying and destructive that behaves like this?

I'm so tired of hurting people and being hurt. I feel like those are the only two options as long as I'm living like this, and I can't see a way out of this situation, so I'm never going to be a good, safe person worth loving.

The thing is, even IF your trauma/mental health issues caused toxic behavior in past relationships, this does in no way equal you being irreparably broken and not worth loving. All that this would mean is that there are some patterns you would need to be aware of and work on in future relationships

#chat with kat #trauma tw #negativity tw #abuse tw #suicidal ideation tw

[bots-and-cons]

My request, if that's allowed, is you. Everyone has their own fantasies with robots. How about you? What would your character be with robots and would you choose to be with autobots or decepticon give us a little about you ..

I found this to be a really interesting ask tbh, and I'm really happy you requested this. I had never thought of writing something like this, but I really liked the idea the second I read this ask. All of my reader insert stuff, (especially the ones that aren’t requests) are a bit of a self-insert in some way, since of course the way I write comes from my own experiences in life so the reader would react similarly to me

•Honestly I’d like to say I could be with the decepticons, because I find them to be such an interesting bunch, even though very chaotic

•But couldn’t really agree with what they’re doing, you know, trying to take over earth and such

•So I would definitely be with the autobots, and I feel like I’d probably like to have Ratchet or Optimus as a guardian

•I can get along with just about anyone, even though I don’t really like many people, but I don’t think I would get along with Magnus

•I just feel like he would yell at me and I absolutely hate it when people raise their voice at me

•Like I don’t know what he would get mad at me about, but I feel like it would happen

•I don’t really like teenagers, I find a lot of them to be annoying, but that’s probably because I felt that way when I was that age myself and have not really associated with anyone that age since

•However I do feel like I would get along with Miko, Raf and Jack, with Miko it might be kinda on the edge but I think I could manage

•But I feel like it would a bit of a distant older sibling thing for me rather than friends

•I find Arcee to be a bit annoying, but I also admire her for who she is

• I think I would clash with her sometimes, but I would definitely be on her side when she’s lecturing the trouble trio about sneaking out again

•Optimus is probably my favorite out of the autobots nowadays, he’s a tired dad and I’m a tired dad-friend so I think we would get along well

•And I feel like he would give good advice and be a good listener, and I can reciprocate the good listener part at least

•I’m aroace, or maybe demiromantic and ace, in any case I feel like I connect with fictional characters much more than actual people sometimes, and because I write fanfiction I can pretty much write anything or make the characters do anything, which is probably why I feel more connected to some of my comfort characters than actual people sometimes

•Anyway my point is, if I were to start a romantic relationship with someone from the team, it would definitely be Optimus, because I feel he would get me the best, but I would be friends with him first

•I’m super bad with crowds and many people at the same time so I probably wouldn’t even be able to interact with the whole team at once, and I probably wouldn’t be very close with the whole team, just a couple of them

•Smokescreen is pretty close to me age vice I think, but I don’t think I would be very close with him or Bee, they have way too much energy for me

•I would get along with them sure, but I wouldn’t go to them with any of my problems like I might go to Optimus or Ratchet

•Wheeljack is also in the “too much energy for me” category and I don’t really have anything to say about Bulkhead, I don’t hate him or anything though

•I feel like I would feel really bad for Knockout after hearing that Breakdown had been killed

•If I were in TFP, I would not like Megatron at all, like fuck him honestly

•Also I would be fucking terrified of Airachnid, because she’s just straight up scary, I would probably lose sleep if she knew where I lived

•As I do, I would make a lot of dumb jokes about pretty much everything, because I cope with humor often

•I think I’d get along with most of the autobots, and Knockout too, and I think I’d have a good time with them 

#transformers #tfp #transformers prime #autobots #optimus prime #ratchet #bumblebee #arcee #smokescreen #decepticons #megatron #knockout #tfp headcanons

[sir-kuroo]

SINCE ITS TETSUREIII SZN!!!! I AM HEREEE WITHHHH TEH A LITTOL Q/A EHEHEH

WHERE DID ALL THIS BEGINNN FROMMM !!! TEH FRIST PAGE OF TETSUREIII STORYYY <33

TELLL MEEEEEEEE EVERYTHINGGG!!!!!!!!

For how it all began:

It was love at first sight for the both of us. Like you see a person and you just fit like missing puzzle pieces. We talked like it wasn't our first time seeing each other. The crowd just faded and it seemed like it's just the two of us. We knew we would never forget that moment but we have to part ways. Days or months passed maybe even a year and it became just a distant memory. Maybe something I drew an inspiration from for my story, until we met again at a different circumstance. This time it's no longer a one time thing and he won't allow it to be a one-time thing either. We just picked up where we left off and we both knew that this was it. It might be an ordinary story for some but it was serendipitous for us, knowing that all the heartaches, loneliness and solitude we endured are what led us to each other. Finally, we're at the right place and right time with the right person.

We're friends first, because I came off a little detached he knew it would take time but he was patient. Started with sending funny memes and reels until he gauged what I liked. Scheduled phone calls bc I dont do well in chats until it became a habit for us to call each other at that specific time and day. We talked about anything that we could expand, our theories, our day, rant abt officemates. He debated with me for fun throwing what ifs scenarios. Then he began being more physically present. Going to my office to pick me up. Taking me out on a friendly date. He wasn't flirty at first until he smoothly transitioned being INTJ x ENTP friendship to lovers bc the chemistry and the hidden tension can't be denied anyway. He made me feel secured to be with him. Like I'm free. Free to fall, to love and to be myself.

below the cut is how I ended up simping for him teheee

I was really into Oikawa. He's my first love which I learned to get over just now bc I miss Kuroo in a way I don't miss Oikawa. (Why does this sound so real?) Ngl, it's Kuroo I found to be most attractive but he seemed so unattainable for me that I did a pass. At first, I just love writing for him because a mutual loves him very much and my readers always fangirl for him in my fics and all the requests I'm getting are for Kuroo Kuroo Kuroo even if I even voluntarily write for Oikawa. Lol. I was like okaaay. Until I asked for match ups and ask games and I ended up getting him over and over again too. Tell me about it. Haha. Then I posted some selfship stuff abt Oikawa and I got nothing. I posted that I got Kuroo for an ask game and everyone just idk interacted and I was like uhmm what? Even my moots from other fandom are into the tetsurei agenda. What are these people seeing that I'm not seeing? Like yeah he's handsome and he wears suit and tie which I love but...anyway lol just lol hahaha. (Gosh, I sounded so in denial on this) It's funny that we even work in the same field. A follower even pointed it out. Tbh I still can't understand where they are coming from. As time passed by, I enjoyed our ship more than anything else. He's all I can think to write about. TBH IDK! Hahaha! This made me reread all my kuroo fics and wondered howww? I reread the oldest one back in Dec 2020. It didn't do things for me then but it gave me the feels now. I even forgot what it was but the way I wrote for him never changed. I realized that in all the Y/Ns I wrote for all the characters, I've been writing myself whenever it's with Kuroo. I just realized it now. Maybe that's why it's easier for ppl to associate him with me too bc it shows. I still dk! But whatever I love him. I'd love to have a Kuroo just for me.

I think I'm oblivious like real life oblivious. Oh well. (Good luck to all the intj simps out there: I'm talkin for Rin, Tsukki, Akaashi, Geto, Niko) We're dense af and in denial. Good luck.

#tetsurei #AHHHHHHHHH I SQUEALLLLL BC IF THIS ASK #sml 💗💗💗 #—💟 zen #—💌 mail #TYSM BBY ZEN HUHUHUHU THABK YOU FOR INDULGING MEE

[lilyandthegenshinbrainrot]

My most personal and intimate thoughts on Venti are so incredibly biased and based on myself but whatever

Venti is someone who places his value on his abilities, to care for his people, to keep up his bard’s legacy, to live up to Mondstadt's expectations. He is only as good as what he can give, and so Venti gives his all. His body in honor of the bard who never saw the blue sky, his voice to his children as he plays for them daily, his efforts in both encouraging the heroes into action and keeping up their spirits, and his time is given freely to anyone who seeks it from him. All of his actions are done by for the benefit of others and, maybe, to keep their eyes on him just a little longer.

He is also a character that I can very easily see myself in. A relationship early in life that defines how every other relationship is perceived, a shared grief of being other and alone from the people that used to be there, an imposter syndrome born from having expectations of great and mighty things and then struggling to meet those standards before tossing them for something that is met with little support, a strong sense of justice and free-will to the point of not understanding why certain things are allowed.

Venti is met with scorn and disapproval from most of the characters he's associated with, and whenever he is confronted by such, he flounders. This furthers his identity issues, as he doesn't seem to have lasting relationships on equal grounds, his most influential and positive relationships are with mortals. This relationships are unequal, with the power dynamic and lie that comes with God pretending to be Human. So, Venti is lonely. His relationship with Rex Lapis seems strained, neither of them regard the other particularly fondly but they aren't antagonistic. His relationship with Raiden Shogun is also distant, as they have fundamentally opposing views. He doesn't have friends that he can be emotionally vulnerable with. All his friends that he has been emotionally vulnerable with died after like fifty years. He's so mentally ill.

(It does not help that Hoyoverse cannot decide how they want him to be perceived by the fandom, as he is mocked and met with surprise whenever he is insightful in events but he is held in high regard and with kind understanding in the archon and story quests.)

So let's recap: we have self-worth issues, survivor's guilt, imposter syndrome, depression, and repressed/unprocessed emotions!!

Let's talk about his self-destructive habits. Venti is used as a comedic relief, except a handful of times when he is needed as Barbatos, the humor is found in his alcohol misuse. He is frequently seen intoxicated and looking for his next drink. I will not be going into detail about this as it's gen, but these implications are frequently seen in someone who is unhappy or uncomfortable with their present life, someone looking for an escape. He is a liar, a thief, unavailable, and hedonistic. All under the guise of freedom. I think that he truly believes that he is free in all his ways, and that he doesn't think that there's a better life simply because that life has never lasted for him. It's good for a few decades, and then his favorite human dies and he sleeps away his reopened wound of unprocessed grief. Which brings me to my second point, his frequent naps. Barbatos is known for sleeping for long periods of time, my best knowledge being his recent 500 year nap when he slept away the poisonous effects of Abyssal Magic from the corrupted dragon Durin. He is also known for napping for a long period of time after he reshaped Mondstadt's landscape and set his people free. I would diagnose him with sleeping to avoid confronting his emotional problems.

I see my own flawed coping mechanisms in the way that Venti represses his grief and loneliness, acting like a friend to all without opening up to one. I recognize his patterns of isolation and depression in the way he either makes himself busy or scarce depending on the day. He is wise, and capable of hard conversations and even harder decisions, but he is also afraid of the consequences of his actions. I see myself in the way he is willing to take on difficult and overwhelming responsibilities, but fail to do it correctly alone, as he did with Dvalin's purification in the beginning. 

He is very important to me, and I hope that he is treated kindly as the game continues.

#venti #venti genshin impact #genshin impact lore #genshin impact #lily's rambles #character analysis