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bananonbinary · 5 months

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also worth noting that "abusive" doesn't actually mean "irredeemable" either.

there's a lot of people that have done things in the past that were bad, because they weren't taught any better, or they were in an overall toxic situation where EVERYONE was shitty (like a cult), or they were just at an especially low point and hurt others for it.

you don't have to forgive them. you don't have to ever speak to them again. you can be angry with them until you die if you want.

but society cannot function if we don't allow them to move on. to change their behavior and fuck off somewhere else and build meaningful relationships without bothering you again. we need a path for people to change, or nothing ever will.

#like re: the last post #npd SHOULDNT mean 'youre an abusive person'#but also people who have abused people in the past can still become better people in the present #you know?#and as i metioned vaguely in that post. the way we currently treat people with NPD probably CAUSES THEM to lash out at and abuse others #if u abuse someone they lash back out at you and suddenly theres fun mutual abuse happening #so they need a way out of that cycle

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saints-who-never-existed · 7 months

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“In the war film, a soldier can hold his buddy—as long as his buddy is dying on the battlefield. In the western, Butch Cassidy can wash the Sundance Kid’s naked flesh—as long as it is wounded. In the boxing film, a trainer can rub the well-developed torso and sinewy back of his protege—as long as it is bruised. In the crime film, a mob lieutenant can embrace his boss like a lover—as long as he is riddled with bullets.

Violence makes the homo-eroticism of many “male” genres invisible; it is a structural mechanism of plausible deniability.”

–Tarantino’s Incarnational Theology: Reservoir Dogs, Crucifixions, and Spectacular Violence. Kent L. Brintnall.

#Another day another quote that's been rattling around in my head for an age #Which again sums things up better than I ever could #And of course it's not just about the physical deterioration at the end of the story allowing for intimacy #The idea permeates the whole show #Tozer holding Heather as his exposed brain freezes on the deck #Crozier and Hickey reaching a state of psychological intimacy but only through the violence of the lash #You could argue a link between Hickey and Goodsir too through the intimacy and violence inflicted on Irving #Both his killing and his autopsy #The Terror #The Terror AMC #Meta

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twisted-cat · 3 months

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3D Lashes No.4

Please enjoy this new set of lush lashes for your sims 🍂

They are in 3 categories, glasses, nosering, and skin detail

4 Shape options

3 color options(12 swatches)

Custom catalog thumbnail

Base game compatible

F, T-E

Report issue | Socials | T.o.u

🌼 Download 🌼 Become a Patron 🌼

Early access, public release March. 1st

#s4cc #ts4cc #ts4mm #thesims4 #the sims 4 #sims4 #sims 4 #thesims4cc #sims4cc #sims4mm #maxis match #sims 4 cc #cc #s4mm #ts4 cc #ts4 #ts4 download #s4 cc #s4 download #ts4 lashes #sims 4 lashes

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savagegood · 9 months

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#they really just gave him those lashes.....#jujutsu kaisen #jjkedit #jjk #jjk spoilers #gojo satoru #anime

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andthebeanstalk · 11 months

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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

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obscurus-sims · 5 months

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3D EYELASHES SET 👁👄👁

3D EYELASHES STRAIGHT: 40 swatches (2 colors, 10 styles, + upper lashes separately)

3D EYELASHES CURLY: 40 swatches (2 colors, 10 styles, + upper lashes separately)

3D EYELASHES EXTRA: 24 swatches (2 colors, 6 styles, + upper lashes separately)

everything is HQ compatible, previews were done with HQ mod, works with makeup sliders (but you need sliders mod by thepancake1 and MizoreYukii)

🧡DL ( early access at patreon )🧡

Thanks for supporting me!

🐾

#s4 3d lashes #s4 3d eyelashes #sims 4 3d eyelash #sims 4 3d lashes #s4 eyelashes #ts4 eyelashes #sims 4 eyelashes #obscurus sims cc #obscurus sims

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kangaruthi · 1 month

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“She had a decided chin and a nose that… put [Nona] in mind of those big poison desert cats” - Nona the Ninth page 359

#nona also describes a big crooked mouth and deep set eyes and dark curly lashes #i think i hauve covid #gideon nav #kiriona gaia #nona the ninth #the locked tomb #art #digital art #fanart

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bigfatbreak · 5 months

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For the Viceroy AU, how does Tom figure out Gabriel was the one responsible?

#dad villain au #my art #charity ball arc #tom dupain cheng #marinette dupain cheng #adrien agreste #kagami tsurugi #felix fathom #gabriel agreste #viceroy #all he had to do was gather the rich elite of paris and set a trap honestly #once he figured out Hawkmoth was rich it was a matter of luring the fuckhead out into a vulnerable position #and Gabriel with zero power; just a human man; would of course react violently to the images of his nemesis #he's got no leash left on anyone so he had to lash out lmao

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liimonadas · 20 days

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im actually obsessed with 2-4 phoenix he is tired of all this bullshit. i love how he does not say a word for like 5 minutes after edgeworth enters the room

#hes on no hours of sleep running on anxiety barely processing what just happened #i think hes allowed to lash out a little #im trying to get more comfortable posting doodles here because ive been doodling a lot to cope w the stress lol #phoenix wright #miles edgworth #franziska von karma #farewell my turnabout #ace attorney #fanart #art

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sushiisiu · 4 months

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yuri scollace

#my art #scollace #scott pilgrim #spvstw #scott pilgrim vs the world #scott pilgrim takes off #wallace wells #tbh i think theyd look like their college selves with lashes but #go femme or go home right #who needs me to draw college scollace AGAIN

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ieidolon · 6 months

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Insane to me that certain comic book creators who shall not be named dismissed Jonathan Harker as a "milk sop" and a boring character. White-haired avenger with ambiguously vampiric superstrength Jonathan Harker. Most violent and unhinged member of the vampire hunters Jonathan Harker. Ran at Dracula with a kukri knife without skipping a beat and then tried to climb out of a window to pursue him Jonathan Harker. "Like a living flame" Jonathan Harker. Calls his bond with his wife "the holiest love" and determines that if she becomes a vampire, even if Dracula calls her to his side, "she shall not go into that dark night alone" Jonathan Harker. You know. That one.

#dracula #dracula daily #Jonathan Harker is almost tailor-made to be hot to a certain audience demographic #he's traumatized and angry #but not at his wife #never at his wife #he has more reasons than anyone to hate/fear vampires #but if it's his wife #he trusts her implicitly #he has more reasons than anyone else to hate Dracula in particular #but if that's where his wife is going #you bet he's going to follow her #he is so extremely devoted to her #it's the exact contrast you see in so many bad boy romances #between traumatized lashing out and gentle tender protective love

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5mcsinatrenchcoat · 6 months

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To whomever it may concern: Karlach without make up (and with scars). Bless the modders.