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ai-the-broccoli · 8 months

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The Resignation and Resistance of Yukika Nanase, an analysis

Last Friday (September 29th, 2023) was the 15th of the Eighth Month in the lunar calendar, which is the date of the Mid-Autumn Festival/Chuseok/Tết Trung Thu/Tsukimi/Uposatha, festivals strongly associated with the autumn moon in Asian countries.

Since I happened to have some ThoughtsTM and writings on Yukika Nanase (whose release event, "Otsukimi is After an Elegant Tea Party" was about, well, [O]tsukimi, and who's got a lot to do with Yukika in general), I thought this might be a really good excuse for me to finally officially begin posting on Tumblr! So...

Here is the first one out of a few (perhaps?): a little something I first wrote earlier this year, though now refined, organized, and extended by... maybe over 5 times its original length, for posting on here.

(official CG of the full moon, as it's depicted in the Yukika-narrated event Otsukimi. why exactly there is a rainbow around it is solely up to interpretation)

You may or may not be aware that Yukika Nanase is one of my favorite characters and main blorbos in Magia Record, and while I'm sure personal preference (and her being Relatable™️ for me) counts for a good part of it as it usually does, I would personally argue that she is also just an exceptionally intriguing character in general.

Typically, the fandom at large seems to view Yukika as a daredevil ojou-sama of sorts and some thrill-seeking gambler (and a character that her designer Masugitsune really likes), etc, etc. Now, it's clear where that image comes from, and by no means is it totally off either, but once you really get around to watching or reading any of her stories, you basically immediately see an entirely different side to her than what you might've assumed from her fandom reputation. almost like... the back side of the moon, so to speak

Now, in the canon story content itself, Yukika is often treated as a somewhat comedic character by the narrative, especially in stories where she's not the main protagonist. By no means is this a complaint or a criticism: Elements of comedy don't make a character any less well-written (unless said comedy is implemented in a way that's ineffective or distracting, but that's another matter entirely), and with Yukika in particular I've found that she often works with comedy excellently.

Besides, the fact she often has a comedic-ish role is largely in line with (and partly because of) Yukika's own extremely effacing perception and framing of herself—however, it also makes it quite easy for one to simply completely overlook her own emotional complexities and problems, both in-universe and among fans in the community. Which is fair, even she herself does it! ...But I do want to draw attention to it here, since it's an aspect of her that's quite interesting to me.

So today I'm going to talk about... Yukika's fatalistic mindset and her mental health.

Long informal analysis under the cut:

[cw: major spoilers for most Yukika-related stories, vague reference to Ashen Revolution's themes and motifs (nothing actually spoilery aside from AR's short very first opening section, which will be directly quoted), clinical discussion of mental health issues, mention of addiction]

A Magical Girl who has lived without ever straying from the rails laid out for her since childhood. Raised as a young lady, she is able to handle everything with ease, but her self-esteem is extremely low because of all the talented ladies who surround her. Though she was fed up with the boring life she was leading, her life has taken a sharp turn since she became a Magical Girl, and now she is constantly caught up in trouble.

Yukika's Extraordinary Everyday Life

If you're already familiar with any of her canon stories (or have read her official character description above), you must know that Yukika's "main thing" is that she's always involved in all kinds of trouble on an extremely frequent basis.

Like almost any other playable character in MR, she has her moments™️ (and, the fact that she is in constant stress and anxiety due to the passive effect of her wish; when nothing is wrong she keeps worrying something is about to go wrong in no time and she apologizes for it in advance, and when something is wrong, she blames herself for no matter what it is and tries to take responsibility at top speed), but overall Yukika seems generally surprisingly "fine" as in, we pretty much never see her get into any particularly negative emotional outbursts over anything, at all. Despite all the troublesome situations that she never stops finding herself in, she seems decently adjusted and stable (that is, "stable" on the grand scale of things, since everyday instability is her stability), at least among the MR girls we know.

But when you look into why that is the case, you'll kind of see that it's because Yukika actually has her own unique sense of a fatalistic mindset—in that, typically speaking, (there are some notable exceptions, such as when she made her wish) she completely accepts the state of herself and the state of her life as they are, even though they are by no means what she genuinely sees as ideal.

For instance:

[Though with all that said, I am, so to speak, in the role of "Villager A". - Yukika]

Yukika: (As I was one of many “Black Feathers”...) Yukika: (I didn't have any desire to advance and become a White Feather someday.) Yukika: (Because those White Feathers who manage the Black Feathers are more suited to shining...) Yukika: Yes, like the pride of Mizuna Girls Academy, Akatsuki Tsukuyo-senpai…! Yukika: Even in Mizuna Ward, where many wealthy families produce polished children, Akatsuki-senpai is a genuine charm... Yukika: ...Just like the full moon. Yukika: (While I get saddled with Student Council Officer duty almost every year because I seem "sort of" ladylike, whatever that means...) Yukika: (Akatsuki-senpai has an aura leagues above mine.)

she looks weirdly happy in the last two (pretty self-deprecatory) lines here and then goes on to talk about how her presence is so faint that Akatsuki-senpai still doesn't know she's a Magical Girl yet, whi— ANYWAY I digress

From this early part of Otsukimi, we see that Yukika has a crush on Tsukuyo (for legal reasons this is completely? a joke) a pretty set idea of what her "role" in this world is supposed to be (i.e. she has a "fixed mindset", as some may call it, as opposed to a "growth" one), and that is the role of a "Villager A"—basically meaning an NPC character, to put it in more common terms.

Yukika: (Looking for a substitute for Akatsuki-senpai and being mistaken for Akatsuki-senpai…) Yukika: (Despite her absence from beginning to end, she's got the sense of presence of a true protagonist!) Yukika: (It's getting more impossible by the second for a minor role like me to pretend to be her...)

And this attitude is very telling of her outlook on life as a whole.

Student Council President: That’s right. Will you accept? Yukika: Please leave it to me. Yukika: Our already-busy President shouldn't have to deal with this kind of hassle. Yukika: As the lowliest Student Council Officer, I think that I'm the right person for the job. Girl A: ...Oh, I’ll help you too! Student Council President: Thank you, it’ll be a huge help. Yukika: By "the lowliest Student Council Officer", I mean the Student Council Chore Officer, of which one is selected from each class. Yukika: My job is to gracefully prepare the tea in the student council room, help pour the tea for the exchange parties, and so on. Yukika: ...That's a tremendously misleading description, of course. Yukika: But in short, since it's hardly comparable to the Student Council President, who's elected by the whole school, and the Class President, who's elected from her class's honor students... Yukika: The job naturally gets foisted on me, the vaguely cultured-ish girl with no aura and hardly any presence!

From her rank in the Wing of the Magius as a "lowly Black Feather", to her duty in the student council as the "Student Council Chore Officer", Yukika views her roles and positions of insignificance as essentially predetermined things that she—as a self-perceived NPC figure—is simply matched for by nature; and she never even considers the idea of breaking out of this status quo, because, to her, it is simply a fact of life.

and you may notice this in the way Yukika presents/frames things—anything—in general, too; she's basically got an attitude of "ah well, of course, things are how they are; now let me deal with it so it doesn't trouble anyone else" toward basically everything, ever.

This brings me to my next point...

A Bunny Caught in the Tracks of Orbit

Yukika: Speaking of the moon, I used to wonder when I was a kid... Yukika: When the moon faces the Earth, it only shows the side with the rabbit and its mochi. Yukika: Why doesn’t it show the “other face” on it’s back? Yukika: According to my physics teacher, this is because the moon’s cycle of “revolution” and “rotation” is the same. Yukika: It’s apparently quite common in space. Yukika: (I don’t know what the standard of “common” is in space, but...) Yukika: Ah... I am Yukika Nanase, a first-year student at Mizuna's Girls Academy and a Magical Girl. Yukika: Yes, I am one of those who reluctantly set foot into the world of Magical Girls— Yukika: the "other side" of common sense, that most people will live their lives without ever knowing.

(excerpt from the start of Otsukimi, slightly condensed for format)

It is very clear from Yukika's Magical Girl attire that she's associated with rabbits/bunnies—partly for the casino aesthetics, partly for the Alice's Adventures in Wonderland reference, and partly because of the Moon, which is heavily associated with rabbits in Japanese culture. Namely, there is the legend of the moon rabbit, a mythical creature said to live on the moon, as Yukika herself references in the excerpt above.

Now, the next part is going to look like a bit of a stretch if taken to be actual speculation of canon, but to be clear that is not my intention; it is merely a connection I made/similarity I noticed, and I figured it would be interesting to bring up.

(...Actually that does remind me, I should probably clarify here that this entire analysis is, in fact, of my own personal interpretations of the content presented in the game itself, rather than what I theorize to be the deliberate intention of the writers.)

With that out of the way, let's look at the opening section of Ashen Revolution:

Rabi: We can never stop the never-ending movement of the starry sky. Urara: However much I practice, I can never defy the gravitational pull drawing the diabolo. Alexandra: No matter how much I raise my voice, without this atmosphere, my melody will never resonate. Asahi: Yes, we are forever under the control of the unseen. Asahi: Like this rabbit, it lost its life at the hands of my unseen self. Asahi: Everything is made by the natural order, and being at the mercy of it is a fate we must resign ourselves to...

I won't go into details about AR here since on a technical level Yukika is entirely unrelated to it, but it is an event about the struggle of Magical Girls, who help people in secret but remain completely unknown, unacknowledged, and not understood. Which...

compare Yukika's previously quoted monologue, in which she compares the world of Magical Girls, which "most people will live their lives without ever knowing", to the backside of the moon.

Coincidentally, Yukika's own character is also all about helping people in the background and never ever being acknowledged (to a higher degree than the average MR girl). Relatedly, she also notably possesses a level of figurative invisibility/unseenness similar to the AR girls, through her entire recurring "faint presence" thing.

So, as seen in the AR excerpt above, the rabbit motif is used to demonstrate their helplessness in the hands of fate—or in their specific case, "fate" as in what they perceive to be the "Will of the Universe".

Well, funnily enough…

[Yes, I believe it's all due to the Great and Terrible Will of the Universe... - Yukika]

Yukika: (Here it is, the new hassle..!) Yukika: (The schedule has returned to a blank slate…) Yukika: (Rather, things have actually gotten worse thanks to the passage of time.) Yukika: (How can I put this? It’s as if...) Yukika: (It's as if some great and terrible will of the universe is at work,) Yukika: (and is specifically targeting me and creating trouble.)

…alright, so this is 99.1% a coincidence, especially because the two terms don’t use the same word for “will of the universe” in the original Japanese text, but it’s pretty crazy nonetheless.

In any case, the themes of fate and fortune are indeed actually heavily featured in Yukika’s own character. There’s her gambling motif as seen in her story, design, and gameplay alike, and her entire “keeps getting caught up in troublesome matters” thing, which is the result of her wish.

And how does she see it?

Girl A: Wouldn’t that mean you’d have more work? Yukika: Please don’t worry. Yukika: Dealing with trouble is my fate. Girl A: …Fate? Yukika: Ah, nothing! Let’s hurry! Girl A: Yeah, got it! Yukika: (Yes, I am involved in trouble on a daily basis.) Yukika: (It’s the “fate” that has been decided for me ever since I became a Magical Girl.)

"Fate". Once again, we see a certain degree of fatalism in Yukika's worldview, especially in regard to herself. Rather than a choice she's made on her own, she sees her behavior/self-imposed duty of helping everyone out as the luck of the draw, something that is "decided for" her.

And this part is extremely significant because it offers us a particularly revealing look into her mindset:

The truth is, in spite of everything she goes out of her way to do daily in order to resolve trouble and help/save other people, without actually being forced to do any of that by anything or anyone, Yukika sees literally all of those actions as passive acts rather than something she's doing out of her own free will (and isn't actually obliged to do, really)—because, no matter what she does she only thinks of it as the predetermined consequences of her own choice, for these issues are always the fault of the wish she personally made (or so she thinks), thus the responsibility to resolve them naturally always falls on her shoulder, which is why there's really never anything to brag about about this, according to Yukika.

As for why and how she made such a wish in the first place, that is explained to us in her MSS:

Yukika: …I do think that I was blessed in many ways during my upbringing. Yukika: But one day, um… In spite of all that luxury, Yukika: when I thought of how from then on, rather than moving forward with my own strength, Yukika: I would instead be riding the train toward the future on the tracks built by my parents, Yukika: I started to feel like I wasn’t really “living” at all…

Not necessarily relevant, but for a bit of a linguistic context, the word for “tracks” (in the sense of “rails; train tracks”) and the word meaning “orbit” (as in the trajectory of a celestial body around another; the curved course of a satellite) is the same word in Japanese (and various other languages. Which makes sense, since even the English term “orbit” was derived from the Latin word ��orbita” meaning “tracks; course”); hence my title for this section. anyway this ties into the motif of gravity as seen in Urara's line above

Very interestingly, the original line here too explicitly uses train and train track imagery as a metaphor for the course of life and fate, similar to how it's used to symbolize these things in Kenji Miyazawa's The Night on the Galactic Railroad, and by extension Magia Record, which takes a lot from Miyazawa's works.

Speaking of which, that brings us to our next, largest, and final section...

A Thin Ice Between Life and Death

buckle up guys, it's got three parts

Pt. 1. The Rabbit with a Death Wish

Earlier on, I said Yukika accepts her life as-is, but really, she also fully accepts her death as-is. While her heart does desire to feel "alive", and it is for that, rather than any active desire to actually die, that she longs to be at the brink of death, it is... actually a bit worrying, how little she feels like she has to live for.

Well, let's look at the part in Otsukimi when she thought she was going to die to the powerful Witch:

Yukika: (Ah… There’s blood coming from my mouth. This is called hematemesis, right?) Yukika: (I'm... definitely a goner at this point.) Yukika: (But despite that... No, maybe because of that...?) Yukika: (My head's perfectly clear, and I'm getting tons of adrenaline.) Yukika: (Way more than when I bet all of the coins I have…) Yukika: (I feel like I’m alive!) Yukika: Hehe... Yukika: (...Wow. I must be kind of crazy.) Nanny Witch: …………!! Yukika: Kwaah…!! Yukika: Hehehe... I've got plenty where that came from! Yukika: ...Is what I'd like to boast right now. Yukika: But my battery is dead. [the image of Hotori and Rion flashes before her eyes] Yukika: (I’m going to die without being able to do anything…) Yukika: (I wonder if that unknown White Feather felt the same chagrin…) [the image of Hotori and Rion flashes before her eyes] Yukika: I’m sorry… Yukika: I won’t be seeing you two at the moon viewing party. Yukika: .............

...maybe it's just me, but it strikes me as unusual and almost alarming how little she seems to feel like she has to live for, you know? Like, Rion and Hotori are a pair of girls who she literally just met this afternoon. And they (and her not being able to defeat this threat on other people's lives) are somehow her biggest regrets.

And like, Yukika isn't just like this here. Whether you say it's for thrills or for other people's sake (it's usually initially the latter with the extra bonus of the former sometimes), she never even hesitates to put her life on the line. It's kind of sad, really.

This makes sense, though; this sort of attitude tracks perfectly with the abysmally low value she attributes to herself and her existence (again, in her eyes, she is literally just the most basic NPC ever, and who cares about what happens to a random NPC? well actually several people in this fandom do care, including me, but it's not like Yukika Nanase would know that).

In fact, let's look at the legend about the moon rabbit that I mentioned earlier. A quick online search would tell you that it's a mythical figure in East Asian and indigenous American folklore, based on pareidolic interpretations that identify the dark markings on the near side of the Moon as a hare or rabbit

As a side note, this is (accidentally?) fitting in the context of her own perceived "lowliness" (+ faint presence and all) against Tsukuyo's full moon-like brilliance... but I should probably leave that for another analysis oops (assuming I ever write one)

who (in East Asian folklore) pounds the elixir of life (according to Chinese and Vietnamese interpretations), or rice cakes such as the mochi (Japanese and Korean interpretations).

But how come the Moon Rabbit arrived on the Moon?

There's a story behind it that originates from Tale 316 of the Buddhist Jataka tales, and a derived version of it appears in the Japanese anthology, Konjaku Monogatarishū.

According to the Japanese folklore:

The rabbit, as well as the hare, have long been associated with moon deities, and may signify rebirth or resurrection. According to legend, an old man who lived on the moon decided to visit Earth. A group of animals saw what they thought was an old beggar who was starving. “Poor beggar, he looks hungry and has no food. Let us give him some food”. First, the monkey plucked some fruit from the trees. He brought the fruits and laid them in front of the old beggar. Next, the otter collected some fish and brought it to the old beggar. The jackal was too lazy to find something that the beggar could eat, so he caught the first animal he could - a lizard, and placed it in front of the old beggar, along with some water. The rabbit did not know what to get for the old beggar. He was not good at catching animals or fish, nor could he scale trees and get fruit. He only knew how to gather grass, but humans didn’t eat grass. Having nothing to offer, he sat in a corner unhappy. Suddenly he remembered that humans like to eat meat. So he got up happily, prepared a fire and jumped into it, having decided to cook himself for the unknown old man. The fire did not burn the rabbit! The old man revealed himself to be Sakra, the ruler of Gods. “You have been very kind and selfless.” he said to the rabbit. Touched by the rabbit’s selflessness and virtue, he drew the likeness of the rabbit on the moon. “Henceforth, for all ages, all those who will look at the moon, will see your shape in it and remember your kindness.

(the story of Tsuki no Usagi, from here. lightly adjusted for formatting and such)

Most versions of this myth have roughly the same story, with the identities of the rabbit's companions varying. Interestingly, the legends of Moon Rabbits among some indigenous cultures of North and Central America often tell an extremely similar story as well. For example:

According to an Aztec legend, the god Quetzalcoatl, then living on Earth as a human, started on a journey and, after walking for a long time, became hungry and tired. With no food or water around, he thought he would die. Then a rabbit grazing nearby offered herself as food to save his life. Quetzalcoatl, moved by the rabbit's noble offering, elevated her to the Moon, then lowered her back to Earth and told her, "You may be just a rabbit, but everyone will remember you; there is your image in light, for all people and for all times."

(from Wikipedia)

The Jakata version of the tale relates that this event took place on Uposatha, which is the same night as Tsukimi. And while it’s hard to say for certain that this was 100% a deliberate reference, it’s definitely not farfetched to connect this legend to what Yukika does on Tsukimi in her debut event, and in general.

Deeming herself a thoroughly unnoteworthy person with nothing special to offer, she's extremely willing to throw herself into anything from minor inconveniences to life-threatening dangers, as long as it's to help someone else. Because, as noted by Tsukasa and Mifuyu in her MSS...

Tsukasa: I mean, she says she’s "dragged into it" by the effect of her wish... Tsukasa: But really, isn’t she taking on this lost child of her own volition? Mifuyu: She’s the type of girl who could never leave someone in need alone, no matter what. Mifuyu: So, from her perspective, it’s the same as being dragged into things. Tsukasa: …What a kind girl.

...So, honestly, I have no doubt that she would have no hesitation in doing the same thing as the original Moon Rabbit did in the legend, had she been in his/its situation.

Yet the thing is, as Mifuyu analyzes above and according to Yukika's own words about "fate" prior, Yukika never sees what she does as anything exceptional because, in her eyes, she's only doing what she's naturally supposed to do, and what she probably (incorrectly) assumes to be what anyone in her circumstances would also do. Thus, she never sees any merit in those actions and she refuses to take credit for them, trying to remain in the background because she firmly believes that's just where she belongs by nature. but more on her self-effacement next time.

Now, onto the secondary reason she's eager to throw herself into danger:

Her thrill-seeking instinct.

Though it's a well-known fact about Yukika that she is quite a reckless gambler, have you ever wondered...

Why is she like this in the first place?

Pt. 2. The Psychology of an Ennuyé Bunny

in which I accidentally turned the analysis post into a psych diagnosis of a mostly unspecified mental condition I swear as a distinctly not STEM person I went out of my way to do scientific research this time, please bear with it if you don't mind

Of course, there's a canon explanation for this in Yukika's MSS, where it is discussed.

Tsukasa: …medal games? Yukika: When I abandon myself in an all-or-nothing, do-or-die game, I can forget for a moment about my boring daily life. Yukika: So… going to the arcade after school to play medal games became a hobby of mine. Yukika: I even secretly bought a casino set, and now stare at it at home every night… Mifuyu: …Your escape from reality, I see. Yukika: Exactly. Tsukasa: If that’s the worst you can do, then you really are a true lady.

(Seen in her MSS and personal memoria, this is the casino set she secretly keeps in her closet but only ever stares at, without actually doing anything with it.)

As Mifuyu puts it, Yukika finds in small acts of gambling an escape from her boring reality, and as she said in her wish, what she wanted was "the feeling of being alive".

This is, statedly, due to her boredom* more on this later from following a predetermined life path (hence her wish being an act of defiance against fate, one which she is shown to be deeply ashamed of), but also...

...you know how substance abuse, excessive gambling, and other forms of addictions often co-occur with mental health issues?

Yeah.

In many such cases, said addiction can be the consequence as well as the cause of these issues

because for people with symptoms of depression, anxiety, executive dysfunction (and any other kind of stress or motivation issues, etc.), activities like alcohol and gambling provide them with a temporary source of ease, escape, and/or brain chemicals of the likes of catecholamines* see explanation later, any of which they might lack otherwise.

Besides, executive dysfunction (which is seen in many different mental conditions) can also mean worse inhibition control in both thoughts and behavior, which makes people with executive function issues particularly susceptible to addiction to physiological-rewarding behaviors, in more ways than one.

So... while I'm not going to pin anything particularly specific on her (okay I lied I'll say here she clearly does show symptoms of general anxiety at least, even if that's solely induced by the effects of her wish and not something originally innate to her, but that's mildly beside the point here since I'm more talking about the cause of her wish instead of the consequence), I don't think it's that much of a stretch to speculate that Yukika might have a mental condition or two that contributed to her unbearable "boredom" with her routine everyday life at that time.

Many studies have shown that executive function problems (as seen in various different conditions including neurodevelopmental disorders such as ADHD and ASD, or mood disorders such as depression and bipolar) may be caused by imbalances and deficits in certain key neurotransmitters, such as:

dopamine, and

noradrenaline (a.k.a. norepinephrine)

...both of which are among the 3 catecholamine hormones & neurotransmitters, alongside adrenaline a.k.a epinephrine.

for reference, common ADHD meds like amphetamine (Adderall, etc.) and methylphenidate (Ritalin, Concerta, etc.) are often catecholamine analogs or serve the same function, that is to say, they're used to increase the amount of dopamine and noradrenaline released by the patient's adrenal glands.

You may have realized that this isn’t exactly the first mention of adrenaline in this post. Indeed, Yukika herself brought it up in the earlier excerpt from Otsukimi where she experiences a rush of adrenaline at death’s door.

Adrenaline and noradrenaline both fall under what's considered “stress hormones”. Along with dopamine, they're a big part of what activates the fight-or-flight response (or to put it in more medical terms, the "acute stress response") in a person, as the catecholamines increase heart rate, blood pressure, breathing rate, muscle strength, mental alertness and more.

Between the two, adrenaline is released by your body when you experience acute or chronic stress, in preparation to protect itself against real or perceived danger.

On the other hand, noradrenaline is continuously released into circulation at low levels, but the amount produced also increases in response to stress and fright.

(By the way, adrenaline is made from noradrenaline, and noradrenaline is made from dopamine.)

...Right, well, all this neuroscience stuff and I still haven't made my point yet. But basically, what I mean is that there's enough canon evidence for me to believe the odds are that Yukika Nanase is not precisely a neurotypical individual, no matter what her problem(s) actually is in exact.

This is evident in her...

Chronic boredom (sometimes synonymous with "ennui") prior to making her contract, indicative of a depleted reward system

Attraction toward gambling and other risky behaviors that act as stimuli and generate the release of catecholamines in her brain

Possession of a certain level of impulsivity, and engagement in reckless & risky activities

Novelty-seeking attitude and behavior

As previously discussed, those traits above are primarily observed in Yukika's wish, the circumstances and reasons behind her wish, and her thrill-chasing attitude and behavior, including her fondness for medal games.

Like, if you read what Biser Angelov says about the connection between ADHD and boredom (the article is about ADHD specifically, but you can apply this particular section's info to other conditions with cognitive dysfunction as well):

As you can see, the screenshotted paragraphs discuss similar ideas to what I've been talking about in this subsection, and I'm sure you can see from here how the situation described indeed applies to Yukika, especially with her state before her wish.

In addition, let's examine the psychology of a thrill seeker. Yukika fits the description of what we would call an "adrenaline junkie", being particularly into thrills and dangerous situations. But what exactly makes thrilling sensations so appealing to a so-called "adrenaline junkie"?

You may or may not have heard of the Sensation Seeking Scale (SSS), originally published by psychologist Marvin Zuckerman in 1964 as a measure of sensation seeking that encompasses and evaluates an individual’s personality traits of thrill and adventure seeking, disinhibition, experience seeking, and susceptibility to boredom. A study about the brains of people with high scores on the SSS shows that under chaotic/dangerous/troublesome circumstances, these people tend to excrete less cortisol and more dopamine in response to the situations, compared to those who score low.

Now, cortisol is also a stress hormone, but it generally generates more feelings of what we actually consider "stress" compared to dopamine (and other catecholamines), which is instead more associated with feelings of pleasure and attention. So, during those highly chaotic experiences, those with a thrill-seeking constitution are more likely to feel good and elated instead of feeling burdened by stress, and the experiences thus become exciting to them rather than suffocating.

Considering the factors analyzed above, this might be the case for Yukika as well. If her brain suffered from a deficiency of catecholamines on mundane days but could produce much of those energizing neurotransmitters and hormones under stress and fright, it would explain why she enjoys high-risk/near-death experiences (and gambling) and finds being in chaotic troublesome situations to elevate a good portion of her boredom.

Moreover, the need for higher stimulation in children with executive dysfunction is backed by scientific research, according to this article on the link between ADHD and high-risk behavior.

Other studies (Zentall and Zentall 1983 and Douglas 1983) indicate that children with attention problems need a higher level of stimulation. According to the research, children with ADHD are under-aroused by dull or repetitive tasks and will seek out high-interest or high-risk activities to compensate. Further, (Farley 1981, 1985) children that are under-aroused will search for more intense activities and will be more open to different experiences. They will prefer complex tasks to simple tasks; will seek new and novel experiences that include the need for high energy and high risk. In short, Farley found that children with hyperactivity seek high stimulation. His recommendations for children with hyperactivity included modifications to education to include more interactive and creative experiences to provide the extra stimulation needed.

Many other scientific studies, such as this one conducted in 2021, have also proven that ADHD, a major symptom of which is executive dysfunction, is "uniquely linked to a pervasive pattern of engagement in risky behaviors", spanning across various domains, including gambling.

Moving on, Yukika also has the tendency to:

Ramble a lot (in her head and otherwise) while jumping from one topic to the next, sometimes in ways that would be considered... whimsical?

Accidentally think aloud, or vocalize things that she has no intention of letting the other party hear about, without realizing it until she sees their reaction

Despite her own opinion, Yukika actually stands out to me as quite capable, intelligent, and resilient in various areas (especially when you consider how honestly difficult her everyday life is like).

That said, the way she thinks and talks does sometimes give off the impression of some sort of scatter-mindedness, and when we spend time in her head we see that Yukika kind of zones in and zones out of conversations sometimes because there’s always so much going on in her brain (partly thanks to her full awareness of her own trouble-attracting nature, but I kinda get the feeling she was probably kinda like that even before becoming a Magical Girl), causing her to blurt out to people things she doesn’t mean to tell them about at times.

There are several instances of this in Otsukimi, including the “dealing with trouble is my fate” comment she didn’t mean to let that random girl hear about in the earlier excerpt, and the Great and Terrible Will of the Universe remark (as seen in a previous screenshot) wasn’t meant for the Tea Ceremony Club’s leader’s ears either.

As for her erratic thought patterns in general, you can probably see the way her internal thoughts are always constantly racing throughout the entire event. In fact, one can just look at the very start of Otsukimi for an example. And in a different scene, we see Yukika suddenly wondering to herself, while very sincerely navigating the problems in an attempt to solve them:

Yukika: (This time, I’ll find the cause of the trouble!) Yukika: (I’ll definitely reveal it...) Yukika: (Just what the Great and Terrible Will of the Universe (Tentative Name) actually is!) Yukika: ………… Yukika: (I doubt it'd happen, but just imagine...) Yukika: (The moment I step into the old school building, everyone yells "Happy Birthday!",) Yukika: (and this mob of well-wishers swallows me whole.) Yukika: (If nothing else, please let me be spared the embarrassment of such a turn of events...) Yukika: (Ah, and maybe even Akatsuki-senpai is in the act.) Yukika: ...Yeah, I think not. Yukika: I mean, it's already past my birthday for starters...

...yeah. Doesn't particularly read like the thought process of a neurotypical kid to me, but hey, who knows, maybe that's just me.

Moreover, she also shows signs of:

Anxiety and restlessness (the former of which was either caused by her wish or marginally increased by it)

Low self-esteem, feelings of worthlessness, and (debatably) inappropriate guilt

...etc, etc.

Overall, I believe that more than sufficient evidence is present in canon for one to see Yukika as having one or more mental conditions that come with executive dysfunction, and interpret her behavior and thinking through such an explanation.

Pt. 3. The Girl Who Wants to Live

On a note directly related to my conclusion in Pt. 2, I'm going to take a moment to compare and contrast Yukika to one of her better friends, Yuuna Kaharu.

Now, I personally believe that Yukika is quite a parallel to Yuuna in various ways, and Yuuna in The Flower that Blooms in a Hollow Heart definitely reads to me as having depression. I'd say the parallel is most obvious (to me) in like, Yukika's "I feel like I'm not really alive because all I'm doing is living the boring luxurious life to the future that my parents planned for me" (Yukika MSS, paraphrased) vs Yuuna's "I'm an empty shell blessed by the lucky life handed by me by my parents on a golden plate, only living because I'm not dead yet" (Hollow Heart, also paraphrased).

Yukika and Yuuna are also character foils, however, in that Yuuna has an arc centered on growth and she is able to advance forward because she finds herself a clear and defined goal in Mami, whom she sees as a role model that she aims to become like one day. On the other hand, Yukika establishes right at the very start of Otsukimi that she had never any desire to advance upward, whether in WoM or in school, because it was supposedly people like Tsukuyo who were suited for such better roles, and to Yukika, that's simply how it is.

There is another striking difference between them, and that is that Yuuna is unabashed in taking credit for when she's done something good, whereas Yukika times and times again brushes off any help she's offered with an "oh it's nothing special / it's already over with so let's not talk about it" kind of attitude, because that's really just how she sees it.

As examined earlier, this is largely due to her low self-worth and her perception of everything as her own natural responsibility. The unfortunate thing is that this self-effacing attitude, on top of her already faint presence and all, makes her even more unnoticed and her deeds completely unacknowledged.

And then, by further preventing most people from recognizing Yukika and her efforts, it reinforces her mindset about her lowly faint presence and further contributes to her lack of self-worth, which in turn makes her value her life even less, altogether creating a vicious feedback loop.

Yukika speaks of having friends in class, but with the way she talks about it, they don't seem all that close to her and they're definitely not people she could fully open her heart to.

see the fact that she's very concerned that her classmates and school friends mustn't hear about her visits to the arcades; she is never really seen thinking much about them on-screen, going to them for help, or worrying about any particularly important school friend when the whole school is in trouble, etc.

In canon, there are like only three named characters who consistently notice Yukika and actively try to pay attention to and care about her (Rion & Hotori, later Yuuna), and none of them even go to the same school as her.

And because Yukika has this somewhat fatalistic mindset, no defined aims or goals in life, and effectively actively discourages people from noticing her, she is likely to just... stay this way, unlike Yuuna.

Like, Yukika is just a weirdly really static character in her default state. As someone who's tried to work with her as a major character in a story, it's honestly kind of crazy how I always absolutely have to throw her into some odd situation where another character actively tells Yukika that she (and she specifically) should try to change or grow, as long as I want to make her undergo any dynamic character development. Otherwise, her usual mentality typically completely blocks any possible self-development of the introspective kind from happening.

To me, there's something rather... subtly tragic(?) about this, but...

Yeah, so, I for one do believe that Yukika still has the quality for future growth. Not sure if it could happen in the game or not, but like, I do think that can still happen to her as a person. And more than that...

In spite of everything I've been saying up till this point, Yukika's core desire is "to live".

It's in the wish she made. It's why she chases excitement the way she does. Indeed, Yukika is relatively easily self-sacrificial as a result of the "low self-worth + too kind" combo and she seeks to experience the brink of death for a wholly different reason, but truly, her overall main subconscious drive is to feel alive.

And the most paradoxical thing here is the fact that her longing to experience a brush with death stems from her desire to live, rather than a desire to die; not only thanks to the catecholamines rush, but also because it is through the fact that the chance of death exists for one that their life is so meaningful. (or so goes my personal opinion, in any case)

After all...

Yukika: Wow... Student Council President: What do you think about it? Yukika: Yes... Yukika: I'm so glad to have been born on a planet with a moon! Student Council President: You… you're that moved by it? Yukika: Yes. Yukika: I thought that I wouldn't live to see it again. Student Council President: Okay…?? [...] Yukika: The same old face of the moon as always. The same boring world as always... Yukika: Tonight, they both shine brilliantly to me.

...

Even though her everyday life is tedious, her self-esteem dreadful, her mindset somewhat fatalistic, and something's up with her brain chemicals too...

Deep down in her heart, the thing Yukika Nanase truly wants is to be alive.

And I don't know about you but... man. I find that very moving, you know?

And...

That's all, folks!

This concludes my essay. Basically, my big main point is that Yukika is certainly one of the most characters of all time and should be cherished at all costs.

Thanks for reading this (very long) propaganda analysis post to the end, and I’ll see you next time o7

#magireco #yukika #yukika nanase #nanase yukika #magia record #analysis #character analysis #essay #i (ai)#own writing #(can you see I have no idea how to tag yet?)

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15-lizards · 9 months

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sorry to bother but... what about gender swapped lannisters twins?? how much worse are male!cersei (kevan or cerso) and female!jaime (jaima)?

Oh my god wait…

Also disclaimer I’m aware that doing these gender swaps messes up character dynamics/what makes them so complex but again this is just for speculation and good fun 👍🏻

Cevan is somehow so much worse than regular Cersei because he has male audacity now (which fem Cersei does have but now he can back it up) Originally wanted to marry the Targ princess whom he still obsesses over to this day, so he was quite annoyed when his Momma sided with Roberta. He does Jamie’s eldest son failure by marrying the new queen and giving up his claim as heir to Casterly Rock, bc of course he only cares about himself and his power. Whenever Roberta is pregnant, Cevan’s beloved sister Jenna is miraculously pregnant at around the same time. And once Roberta gives birth, her chubby and dark haired babies have a sudden tendency to lose weight and have lightened hair. He’s scheming and notably irritable and paranoid, but thinks he savvy enough to outsmart the small council. He’s also constantly getting bombarded by noblewomen to be his mistress, but he prefers to keep it in the family ofc. Though he has tried Lord Merryweather once or twice. By the events of GOT he manages to get Roberta killed on one of her hunts, installing his dear insane daughter Johanna as king, making his mother start a bloody, continent wide war to protect that claim. Through pure luck does he get his enemies killed and his sycophants in positions of power. But feels lost without his mother after she dies. Classic Cersei through and through.

Jenna Lannister living in the most gilded cage in the world…she was never a female knight or warrior but rather the most loved and sought after courtier in the Red Keep. She was well liked at court and preferred to socialize and dance and gossip (much to possessive Cevans annoyance) to politics and scheming, taking few things seriously. When the war started she was the favorite of the king, and was thus stuck at the Red Keep. On the day he started screaming to burn them all, she managed to convince the kingsguard to leave the hall and quickly forced his neck down on one of the thrones blades. After the war her mother marries her off as a war prize to a useful Lannister ally. Despite her good health she’s unable to carry a baby to term, and the three times she’s given birth, the baby has tragically and suddenly died of mysterious complications. By GOT she’s now one of Roberta’s ladies in waiting, and despises her and what she’s done to her brother. The court half fears her and half loves her, calling her Kingslayer behind her back and even to her face at times. She goes off as an emissary during the war but gets captured when the Lannister army loses a battle to the Young She Wolf, resulting in the hand she killed the mad king with getting cut off. Brienne is still her gf bc lesbians.

Mommy issues bonus round. Tyresa Lannister is the first cousin and widow of Johan Lannister, who died. She is a domineering woman, a powerhouse in politics, but is deeply resentful of any woman in power besides herself (cmon internalized misogyny). Close friends with the king and queen when she was young, and eventually became the royals closest advisors, leaving when they would not wed their daughter to Cevan. She was the unofficial head of the Lannisters by the time of the war because she sure as shit was not letting her useless cousins and brothers and uncle be in charge of an army. She plays her cards right and becomes the most revered and feared woman in the seven kingdoms, no man objecting her to her face. She sells her daughter as a war prize and is going to arrange her heirs auction, but he goes off and becomes king, leaving her to secure her legacy on her own, starting an entire war to keep her family safe and their legacy in tact even if she doesn’t particularly like them.

#asoiaf #*chanting* baby swap baby swap baby swap #fem Tywin dom gilf #sorry

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thealligatornoah · 1 year

Text

Falling in love (Cater edition)

At last, I'm back writing! Sorry, I had been facing mental health issues, and it mixed with school work and the fact that I actually didn't know what to do with Cater, plus another project I have in my mind. But do not worry, 'cause today I litsened to phony, which inspired me! That's my favourite cover, btw. Suck it up helped too.

(Holy crap "Ashite aishite" started playing while writing this, 400 likes and I'll write a yandere Cater parody lmao)

Well, let's get it started!

Warnings: is a bit angsty, sorry, I didn't mean to :'D

When it doesn't catch Cater's interest, he won't be able to focus in it, like studying. But magicam does capture his interest, and his many followers really love his bubbly easygoing personality, they really look up to him. He just has to be positive, even in situations that drain his heart in tears and sweat.

He doesn't like sweets? Just eat them all! You're scared of loosing your friends? Just don't form any strong bonds, easy-peasy! You're feeling down? Just smile to the camera! Isn't it great? This is his life!

The ceremony of a new school year is taking place at NRC. He smiles to his camera to show off how handsome and ominous he looks in his cloak, "#thesameceremonyaslastyears", he writes underneath the picture with bored eyes. But, suddenly, certain magicless human breaks out the coffin at everyone's surprise yet amazeness.

Cater feels as if his heart could get out his chest, and a tiny shade of pink makes its appearance shily on his cheeks. "That guy is so cute, I wanna have a photo of him" he thought immediately.

A few days later, that same boy shows up at Cater's dorm as one of his clones is painting the roses for the upcoming unbirthday party. His eyes lit up, and his mind starts thinking many things at once. He focuses little by little in the ones that he believes as priorities, like Ace having one of Riddle's collars on his neck.

Minutes later, everyone is helping him paint the roses. Not only that, he surprised (Y/N) with his unique magic, yeah, He learned his name! Cater doesn't really understand why, but that plus the adorable smile that boy is displaying right now just melts him.

After finishing, he approaches the magicless human.

-Hey, (Y/N)! -he giggles, blinking an eye- Did ya have fun?

-Oh, hi, Cater -he sends back a smile-. Yeah, Ace didn't stop complaining, but I really enjoyed painting the roses with all of you! -he cheerfully answers.

The young user of magicam gulps as he feels the same exact emotions as the ones at the ceremony slowly start hitting him again, takes out him phone with shaky hands, and coughs softly.

-Do ya want to take a selfie with me? -he asks.

(Y/N) is a bit baffled at first, "He looks like the guy that would make me mad by taking a picture without my permission" he thinks as nodding unconstiously. Did that little surprise catch him down guard?

Cater smiles widely at the affirmative answer.

He will treasure that handsome face on that photo all his life.

But not everything is pink and happy all the time. Like in the next day, when Riddle actually overblots and, thus, puts his life in real danger. Cater's friendships didn't last more than two years, so seeing one of his longer lasting friends in this state actually crushes his soul. But he can't show he is worried, he just doesn't have the permission to be sad.

So as soon as he has the opportunity to hide in the second shot of the unbirthday party, he goes to a spot to have some alone time just to have a breakdown. Tears fall down to the ground when he quietly sobs, he sits down there with a helpless look. "Why is so hard to bottle up the emotions?" He wonders.

He heards footsteps approximating him, so he swipes off all the tears.

-Cater?

He freaks out even more when he sees that it is (Y/N) who is seeing him like this.

-Are you OK? Do you need help? -he asks worridly.

Cater shakes his head, he doesn't speak due to not wanting his... crush? Hearing his voice other than his happy, go-lucky tone. (Y/N) frowns.

-Or company?

This time, he doesn't answer; two of his feelings collide and he just doesn't know what he should answer, his mind is just too blurry right now.

-Get better, Cater senpai... -(Y/N) says goodbye, taking his silence as a negative.

-Wait. -Cater finally demands before it's too late.

(Y/N) looks at him wide eyed, the poor third year is clearly asking for a hugh with open arms. Even the magicless boy is surprised with the fact that he accepted.

He buries his face in Cater's neck as he kneels down so he can reach hsi embrace. The once sobbing mess wraps (Y/N) with his arms.

-Can I trust you? -he quietly murmurs in his ear.

-Of course you can. -(Y/N) answers tenderly as he pats Cater's back.

On that day, Cater learned that he could speak with his crush; in the sense that he feels safe to tell him almost anything he is feeling, yeah, I'm excluding the romantic feelings.

From that day on, Cater spends all the time he can with (Y/N). They speak about anything and everything, if anyone ever makes a contest between them to see who knows each other better, it'd be a tie.

Then, they start to be more touchy with each other. Hugs, laying down on each other, even ocassiomal kisses on the cheeks. It is normal that the other students think that they're a couple, but they always get really flustered out when it happens. Until one damn time...

-You're such a cute couple! -one of the students mistake them.

-I know! -(Y/N) laughs- It's a joke, we're just close friends.

That is the night that one of Cater's pillows has to suffer one of his most long, high-pitched little screams from him, his face in a shade that completely hides the diamond on his cheek and his heart almost exploding. That's it, he has to confess, unless he is going to die much younger he thought he would.

One morning, Cater checks his magicam witing for (Y/N) on the same exact spot he discovered him crying his eyes out. He still can't believe that he feels comfortable showing more faces rather than "happy" to him, but that is maybe the reason he is waiting there in the first place.

-Cater! -(Y/N) waves at him with that cute smile of his.

-Oh god, is Huggy-chi!

The other boy loudly laughs.

-What's with that nickname?

-Shaddup and hug me! -demands Cater, opening his arms.

Almost like a puppy, (Y/N) jumps to his embrace. They both stay quietly like that for a few seconds, Cater is already feeling his stomach flipping upside down, his body shaking at the sensation of the cold sweat on his hands.

-Are you alright? - (Y/N) notices.

Cater takes a deep breath.

-Yes and no. -he answers.

-You know you can tell me anything. -he says patting his back.

-Yeah, but I dunno if you'll like this.

-What do you mean?

-(Y/N), I really like you.

A small scream leaves the magicless human's mouth, and strengthes his grip.

-Huh? What does this mean?

-Oh my god, Cater. Do you mean "like" in the sense of "love"? Please, tell me yes, please.

Cater giggles and lifts up (Y/N)'s chin so he can look at him in the eyes, and careses his underlip with his thumb.

-You're silly, ya' know?

Then, as if they were magnets, their lips attract each other's until they click togheter. Cater's hands leave the embrace to get positioned to (Y/N)'s face, he will treasure this moment even more than the first selfie of the two of them, so has has to make sure to make it as romantic and memorable he can.

When it doesn't catch Cater's interest, he won't be able to focus in it, like studying. But this boy succeded to catch his attention, and he is more than happy to demonstrate him that.

#twisted wonderland x reader #twst x reader #twisted wonderland x male reader #twst x male reader #disney twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland #twst cater #cater diamond #cater x y/n #cater x male reader #cater diamond x male reader #twst fanfic

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out-of-order2time · 2 years

Text

I Am Mine (Rex x Reader Series)

Prelude - You tell Rex you're pregnant...

You're pregnant, Rex is the father. Although you strive for discretion and secrecy, the Kaminoans catch wind of it. To keep the situation under control, they report the incident and issue an investigation for high treason against you: In the name of the Republic, the Kaminoans claim the unborn as their property and accuse you of collaborating with the Separatists to obtain the clones' DNA and weaken the army by emotionally manipulating the soldiers. Rex is forced to choose a side and thus decide what he wants to fight for - his duty or his heart.

Chapter One - How it started, how it's going

Rex is still torn about how to feel about your pregnancy and has struggles figuring out how (or if) to approach you.

Warnings: Reader's pregnant and a surgeon, there's a war - Since I tend to miss things, I give a general trigger warning on anything related to these topics. From my perception, I didn't get too graphic or detailed, but there are injuries, treatments, pregnancy symptoms, etc. I may or may not have gotten creative with my interpretation of medicine/health care in Star Wars - canon fans, I'm sorry, please forgive me. Apart from that, it's possible that I got a little lost in character background...

-------------

Rex lingers in front of a closed door that leads to one of the treatment rooms in the Resolute’s med bay, gazing at you through the glass in the wall and wrestling with himself whether he should enter or leave. With a contemplative face, he is fidgeting a fudge-filled candy bar in his hands. The wrapper's shiny foil crackles, and he feels the chocolate slowly soften under the warmth of his fingers.

It's been two weeks since you told him about your pregnancy, and getting aggressively drunk was the first thing he did afterwards to numb the immediate perplexity and confusion, resulting in the worst hangover he's ever had. Once the headache passed, he found back into soldier mode to take upon the perplexity the most reliable way he knows—getting more intel.

That's why he downloaded a book from the HoloNet, read it twice, and deleted it from the datapad to make sure no one would find out. It's not that he didn't know anything about the subject, but the situation warranted some deeper exposure with it.

“I’m taking care of the situation. Don’t worry about it,” is how you finished the conversation in your kitchen before you sent him on his way.

However, after reading the book, he absolutely worries. As a doctor, you may not be directly involved in combat, but you pull the same incredible hours as everyone else in the 501st. Doing that while your body is trying to grow a person seems almost superhuman. Rex has been watching you and knows that you haven't slowed down for a moment so far. But he can tell you’re struggling.

You smell like peppermint from constantly chewing refreshment drops. Probably because you secretly throw up a lot and want to eliminate the nasty taste that remains. When you think no one is looking, you tug at your bra over your shirt because of sore, swelling breasts, as Rex guesses after reading the book. Occasionally, he sees you contorting your face, placing a hand on your lower abdomen, and taking a strained breath. Cramps, presumably. If you’re not sitting, you are leaning against something. A sign of exhaustion. Still, he thinks you handle yourself like a warrior. If he didn't consciously pay attention to all that, he probably wouldn't notice anything.

Fully aware that he has his fair share of responsibility in your trouble, Rex’s hand tightens around the soft chocolate bar, which adjusts its shape to his grip. By swiping a dozen ration bars from the supplies and trading them in a side street on the Lower Levels, he got the candy just before the 501st has left Coruscant.

The book told him that cravings are a thing, especially during the first trimester, and he wanted to be prepared to help out if needed. There have been a few opportunities to slip you the bar, but Rex has let each one pass so far. Something is holding him back. So he carries the thing around hidden somewhere in his gear, where it melts and hardens again, melts and hardens again… Countless times during the latest infiltration mission with Fives, Jesse, and Commander Tano.

They’ve just returned, and Rex hasn't slept in pretty much eighty-nine hours (made possible by stim-packs) but is itching to check on how you're holding up after his debriefing with General Skywalker. Just a short glance from a distance without exchanging words or even touch to avoid raising suspicion, for you’re hardly ever found alone as Chief Medical Officer.

However, right now, you are; sitting cross-legged on a gurney, clad in scrubs of the 501st’s blue and wearing your hair in a loose bun. Your left elbow is propped on your thigh with your chin resting on your hand, while the other flips through the gray journal you carry around pretty much all the time.

You're so absorbed in the pages in your lap that you're unaware of Rex's presence. Because of the distance, he can’t tell for sure, but there's probably a pair of speaker buds in your ears playing music because your torso is slightly rocking from side to side as if following a beat. When you're focused, you bite your bottom lip, like you're doing now. Rex thinks it looks sexy.

You prefer to take on the complicated injuries yourself because you think you're more skilled than any machine (rightly so); however the medical care in the Resolute's sick bay is fully automated. So you often have downtime between missions and use the hours to teach rotating groups of medics. Further developing their skills and knowledge is one of your primary responsibilities.

Together you review past missions or challenging cases of your pre-army career, give the medics brainteasers or discuss advanced anatomy of other species than humans, show new techniques or brainstorm on how to improve protocols, roleplay to sharpen the medics' communication skills so they can provide better care for civilian patients. Sometimes you rally them up in a circle to tell the stories of your best, worst, or funniest experiences as a physician; then, you invite everyone to share theirs.

Rex occasionally stops by to check if “everything runs smoothly,” but that’s just an excuse because he loves watching you teach. More than half the time, he may not be sure what you and the medics are discussing, but there's no doubt that you love what you do. When you explain the peculiarities of an organ or a certain enzyme, your eyes sparkle, and your voice resonates with rapture. Rex has seen some instructors in his time but never anyone like you, which isn't that big of a surprise, considering the story of how you got hired as Chief Medical Officer.

It's as wild and chaotic as the reputation of General Anakin Skywalker itself.

About eight standard months ago, he went MIA for a couple of weeks after crashing a fighter because Separatist forces gunned him down during a space battle. With the first strike, the vessel’s navigation and communication systems failed, making it impossible to locate the crash site. Recon units narrowed the search scope down to four planets while considering it equally possible that the ship's heat shields had failed, causing the entire thing to vaporize upon entering any atmosphere.

Legend has it that the Jedi Council was just debating on how to proceed in the matter - continue the search or abandon it and declare the general dead - when a holocom call, received by Obi-Wan Kenobi's device, interrupted the meeting. On the other end of the connection - General Anakin Skywalker, who apologized for the radio silence. From a bed and wrapped in bandages, with his face swollen and covered in fading, greenish bruises.

He claimed to have been impaled thrice upon the crash (stomach, left hip, and right shoulder); hence, he couldn’t reach out earlier. "You may forgive the delay, Masters. It's convenient, though, that you're all together,” Anakin allegedly continued. “There’s someone I’d like to introduce…”

That someone was you, a young surgeon working for an independent crisis response organization in a refugee camp that lacked, well, everything.

Once you realized that the newest patient on your improvised ward was a general of the Grand Army, you spent every spare minute at his bedside explaining in detail (and unsolicited) why the Republic's health care would soon collapse, and the war fail if the military continued to operate as it did.

For a civilian, you had an astonishing number of views.

You kept refusing to inform officials on Coruscant of the whereabouts and condition of their general, determined to let him live through what had become the norm for countless individuals everywhere.

That experience included not having access to a bacta tank or any other contemporary equipment and, consequently, an agonizingly slow healing process that reminded Anakin of how vulnerable and fragile his human body is. Due to a shortage of proper medication, he went through horrible pain and was on the verge of a deadly infection for several days, helplessly dependent on you, your skills, and a small team of volunteers.

“I’ve told you who I am,” Anakin gasped in a hoarse voice after the fourth major surgery about a week after his crash. His muscles trembled from a high fever and two external fixators at his shoulder and hip – pieced together with material from his fighter’s scrap – kept his skeleton in place for his shattered bones to grow back properly. “I’ve told you who to contact. Let them know where I am, and they’ll pick me up. What you’re doing is torture.”

You held an ice cube to his lips to moisten his dry mouth. He was unable to drink because the breathing tube necessary for anesthesia left him with difficulty in swallowing. “What we’re doing is saving your life. I am sorry when it causes discomfort, but I assure you I’m treating you like everyone else and doing all I can.”

He scoffed. “If you did all you could, you’d make that fucking call already.”

“As I said, I’m treating you like everyone else. Your injuries are bad, but I see worse in camps like this – believe it or not. Many don’t make it. I can’t make a call for any of them; I’m not gonna make a call for you.”

“I am a Jedi Knight, General of the 501st Legion, and you’re holding me hostage.”

“Sorry, pulling rank does not work here. As far as I’m concerned, you’re just another patient who, FYI, is free to leave anytime.”

“The Republic needs me to fight. Keeping me here hampers the war success.”

Only a tiny bit of the ice cube was left at this point of the conversation. You pushed the frozen chunk of water between his teeth to let it dissolve on Anakin's tongue. Then you wiped your hands on the white fabric of your coat and shoved them into the side pockets. “Well, if that’s true and the outcome of this war is bound to the destiny of a single person, we’re in far deeper trouble than I feared.”

Technically, you did treat Anakin differently. If a patient of less status had asked you to contact their family to bring them home, you would have done anything in your power to make it happen. However, at this point, more than one year into the war and after publishing half a dozen papers on how the situation in refugee camps indicated that a system crash was inevitable, you were fed up. No chance you would let Anakin leave after you’ve finally had someone responsible in your hands.

This was your way of making a stand. To make him look. To make him listen. To make him feel. To make him care. And it worked.

During his first few days of clear consciousness, Anakin was firmly convinced to have fallen under the power of a mad vigilante who had condemned him to a slow, harrowing death. However, as the pain faded and his body gradually recovered with each passing day, he began to understand. You did, in fact, not only take good care of him, you took excellent care. He got to witness how hard you work and what you're capable of, what you, your team, and the patients must go through every day. Without the backup of an army or any senator.

So, he believed you knew what you were talking about when you gave him your points. He was still pissed off about being bedridden, yet impressed - by your skills as a doctor, but even more by your stamina as a person. You won his respect and his promise to get you an audience with the Jedi Council.

That’s when you gave in and asked one of the volunteers to bring a holocom device to let Anakin call Coruscant at last.

“Are you kidding me?” He rolled his eyes – partly in honest annoyance, partly joking. “Now you’re changing your mind? After you left me lying here for who knows how long with a tube in my you-know-what to pee in a bottle? If you wanted to speak to the Council, you could’ve just said so. I would have been open to a deal."

"I suppose." You settled at the edge of his bed, as you had so many times since his crash. A smile rested upon your lips. “I didn't want a deal, though. After all, there’s a big difference between doing something as a bargain to get your way and doing something because it deems you right. It had to be your idea.”

Your experience with authorities taught you that deficits are usually tolerated until shit hits the fan. So, you didn't really expect that giving the Jedi Council a talk would change anything. You were all about venting, letting out everything that's been bugging you since med school.

"The medical profession has been withering away for so long that most people aren't even aware that it is," was how you started your rant. "It took a wrong turn centuries ago by placing its entire future on the development of devices, drugs, and machines while forgetting the value of the craft and artistry. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m as grateful for all the miracle-working stuff as everyone else, but there was a critical shift in how we perceive health ever since we’ve found like three drugs that work for pretty much everything. Nowadays, the whole galaxy depends on the same effective yet limited options. That system worked when we had peace – well, not perfectly but reliably enough to stagnate. However, it was never built to sustain a war of this magnitude. When this conflict erupted, the Republic was well-stocked, but currently, we're consuming supplies way, way faster than we can produce refills, aren't we? The Senate may negotiate however good deals and reorder however much, but that doesn't help because resources and production capacities are limited. We all have to face reality. Suppliers and manufacturers will not be able to fulfill their contracts, even if they claim otherwise. Deliveries will fail. The system will collapse. We’re not quite there yet, but we’re spiraling towards the breaking point with light speed. Once reached, we will have to face casualties beyond imagination. Diabetes. Asthma. Infections. Even Allergies. The simplest and most primitive conditions will become lethal again. But don’t worry – the Jedi will be fine, as will the army and the leaders and the rich because y’all have the financial means to get by. But most people don’t—and I’m talking about roughly eighty percent of the galaxy’s population. Myards of lives will be destroyed. And that’s something you can’t talk away in an assembly or shoot with a blaster or compensate with more regulations.”

You talked yourself into such a frenzy that your cheeks burned. You had to pause to catch your breath.

Mace Windu took the opportunity to interject. “Thank you for your insight. I assure you, I appreciate your concern, Miss-“

“It’s Doctor, actually.”

“Of course. However, Doctor, you're surrounded by very special conditions; they’re unpleasant but an exception. You don’t see anything else; hence, I think you might overestimate these issues due to a high emotional investment that impedes you from seeing the whole picture.“

You frowned. "Well, to me, you seem a little too ignorant to see the whole picture. I can always use volunteers if you want to broaden your horizon. Care to swing by?" Master Windu drew breath to answer, but you waved him off before he could utter a sound. "As someone who grew up in the Outer Rims, I can assure you that there are many places in the galaxy where medical care has never been good. But since this war started, it's become more and more disastrous. Do you have any idea what the army's great demand for equipment and medicine is doing to the market? How prices are skyrocketing? Far too often, alcohol is the only painkiller I have. Even if I have to perform amputations on children."

You had to pause and take a few deep breaths to chase away the memories of tormented wailing and screaming.

"At least, I still learned how to do these procedures with my hands. There aren't a lot of people left who did. As I’ve told you, the medical profession is dying. Medi-droids and bacta tanks have made that almost obsolete. Hence, most doctors are useless these days. Truth is, the vast majority of the people I studied with never intended to practice medicine. They’ve ended up on the payroll of some aristocrat or other rich snob. You know why? Doctors of flesh and blood are a status symbol. We’re a decoration representing power—a privilege with the only purpose of showing off and the demand to make clients as immortal as possible. That's what most doctors are worried about: how to make a few individuals older and older while the rest of the galaxy gets left behind. Clinics everywhere are hopelessly overworked as we're speaking, and it’s going to get worse. I can only emphasize it once more: the infrastructure of our health care was not designed for intergalactic war. It can only withstand so much. It will crash. And when it does, we all know who will be thrown at the problem because that seems to be the Republic’s solution for everything in this war. Are your men prepared for what General Skywalker has witnessed and experienced here?”

In total, your rant went on for almost two more hours. Occasionally interrupted by a coding patient that needed attention.

You made no effort whatsoever to be polite or diplomatic in phrasing your remarks, which amused Anakin. He watched the whole spectacle unfold from his bed, grinning broadly and rooting for you. The young Jedi Knight found your attitude refreshing, almost charming, and could not deny that you made some excellent points.

You, however, were glad that this meeting took place from a safe distance via holocom. In the same room and face to face with the Council, you probably would have been too intimidated to make your points coherently and with such vigor.

When you finished, your knees were shaking, and your pores sweated through your clothes. An awkward silence dwelled upon the scene.

The Jedi masters made thoughtful faces while you exhaled soundly through your mouth and propped yourself with both hands on your thighs. You felt the urge to sit down as if you had finally handed over an unbearable burden and were yet to readjust to your actual weight. When the call ended, you could finally breathe freely for the first time in months. A couple of weeks went by. Anakin was back with the army and the Jedi Order; you had moved on to the next refugee camp on the next planet when he reached out via a holocom transmission.

“Hello there, General,” you greeted the blue flickering projection. “I almost didn’t recognize you without metal sticking out of your body. You recovered well after you left us?”

“Way faster than under your care, for sure,” he laughed, folding his hands behind his head. “How you’re holding up?”

“Nah…” You stretched your back and let your spine crack several times to demonstrate your physical fatigue. “I need a drink, a man, and a massage. But we’re getting by, somehow. One day at a time, you know. How about you? Any complaints?”

“A proposition, actually,” he answered. “You left a lasting impression on the Council the other day. Some even read your papers.”

Smirking, you crossed your arms over your chest. “Good for them. They are excellently written.”

“Well, Obi-Wan thinks they’re a little repetitive.” “Yeah, that’s the point I was trying to make. So, I stand by my statement.”

Anakin chuckled. “Anyway, you pointed out some blind spots we weren’t able to perceive from our perspective. That set things in motion. The Council and the Senate are considering a pilot project to address that, and they need a specialist to head the initiative. Someone with first-hand experience in dealing with a reality we all hope won't become the galactic standard.”

“I think I see where this is going...”

“Nothing’s set in stone yet, but you’re a candidate, yes. A coveted one, in fact. I assume the job is yours if you want it. There’s still some way to go, of course, background checks, fitness test, some basic training, but there’s a good chance you can shape the project at your convenience because, honestly, they all seem a little lost in the matter. Any chance you'll be traveling to Coruscant anytime soon to discuss details?”

“Sorry, not gonna happen. You've seen first-hand how these camps operate. I can’t leave to take another position.”

Anakin tilted his head from side to side. “I’m sorry to tell you that, but you can’t back down. I witnessed everything, and there was a subtext of ‘Put me in charge and let me fix it, bitches’ in every word you said. You made a fuss; now you’re asked to step up and do something about it. After all, don't I remember you saying something about doing things because they deem you right...?”

You blew a loose strand of hair out of your face. “I hate it when people use my logic against me.”

“Just tell me what the camp needs to spare you. We’ll figure something out.”

Rex knows only some details of this story, but it was enough for him to sigh deeply when his general informed him that you got assigned to the 501st to launch the pilot project.

"Any reservations, Captain?" "Nothing significant, but considering what you've told me about your MIA adventure, I just have the feeling that she won't fall in line easily." “Well, that’s our thing, isn’t it? That’s why it’s such a good fit.” “Maybe too good, Sir…” It wasn’t until your first official day of service before Rex finally got to meet you in person. He was issuing some orders to Fives when you entered the bridge of the Resolute in the company of General Skywalker, who had just given you a tour across the ship.

“And last but not least–the bridge,” the Jedi Knight explained, making an arm gesture that reminded of a showman presenting a fancy curiosity.

“Wow,” Rex heard you answer. He wasn’t aware, but he had broken off mid-sentence upon spotting you. “Just assume that I will get lost a lot on this ship. That's worlds apart from anything I'm used to.”

As you and Anakin approached, he and Fives snapped to attention and saluted.

"At ease, soldiers," the general instructed, and the soldiers complied. “Chief, I may introduce Captain Rex and ARC Trooper Fives. Rex, Fives – this is our freshly assigned Chief Medical Officer.”

“Welcome aboard, Chief.” Rex saluted again; at that exact moment, you reached out your hand with the intention to shake his.

This first mutual interaction left you both pausing in your respective gestures before you saluted, and he offered you his hand. Again, at the same moment.

Watching you and Rex figure out how to properly greet each other made Fives chuckle. “Okay, now what?”

You shortly glanced at the ARC Trooper, shrugged, and grabbed the hem of your lab coat to lift the white fabric and give a little curtsey.

Fives nodded and followed your lead by taking a subtle bow. “Nice touch. Didn’t see that coming.”

“Neither did I.” you laughed. The way your nose wrinkled at that reminded Rex of a sneezing Korrina puppy. “I’m sorry, still getting the hang of that military thing. But, I swear, I excel at cutting up bodies.”

Anakin nodded, rubbing the shoulder you had performed surgery some time ago. “I can vouch for that.”

“Without context, these are two questionable statements,” Rex said and folded his hands behind his back, straightening his spine and tightening his shoulders. "Either way, I look forward to working with you, Chief." "Likewise, Captain."

With a nod of his head, Anakin indicated to you to follow him. “Gentlemen,” you said to end the interaction with Fives and Rex and winked as you did another curtsey before you followed the general to a flashing control panel.

“This is the intercom,” he explained. “Able to transmit audio and visual. But please only use after consultation to avoid chaos. We… had a situation a while ago. Right, Fives?”

The ARC Trooper scratched the back of his head. “What can I say - thou shalt honor thy gambling debts, right?”

“It wouldn’t have been that bad if Admiral Yularen hadn’t been our guest that day,” Rex sighed while pinching the bridge of his nose.

You raised your eyebrows. “May I ask what happened?” “You may!” Fives’s eyes lit up. “But the answer will make us look very unprofessional,” Rex added. “So, please don’t.” “I see.”

(You would find out eventually: The three men referred to the day Fives had his bare ass broadcast shipwide.)

"What do you think, time to officially introduce you to the rest of the crew?" Anakin’s question redirected the conversation back to the reason he had led you to the intercom. “You’re ready?” You took a deep breath. “I guess I am.”

Anakin patted your shoulder for good cheer and activated the intercom. After a few introductory words and general updates on the current progress of the war, he turned the floor over to you. You stepped up next to him on the transmission platform, which scanned your body and sent a projection of the visual data to each of the Resolute's communication nodes.

“Greetings, everyone,” you started, continuing with your name and stating your academic credentials. “But that’s just for the record because I’m well aware that a fancy uni degree is the last thing that matters out here. In summary, my job is to save the war effort by preventing the collapse of the Republic's health care because the system is not designed to withstand the enormous load the Army is currently posing. Accordingly, the medics are my main responsibility. In order to conserve resources and maintain capacities for the rest of the Republic, we have to find ways to make your work less dependent on all the technology you were trained to rely on. We have to find alternative protocols and standards. You’ll have to learn new tricks and upgrade your knowledge.”

You shifted your weight onto one leg and shoved your hands into the pockets of your coat, which made you look casual. More casual than what Rex considered appropriate for your position and the occasion; however, he had to admit, the nonchalant posture made your following words sound even bolder than they already were.

“Now, how am I qualified to guide this process? I’ve been in crisis response since my residency – love it; it’s my call in life. Earthquakes, floods, riots, severe nuclear or chemical accidents, once even a meteorite strike - there aren't many disasters left I haven't seen. I like to get my hands dirty and am used to making things work with minimal resources at disposal after infrastructures were destroyed. I can rely on my hands, skills, and experience; everything else is a convenient luxury. Therefore, yes, I can teach a thing or two. However, whatever changes we seize, you’re the ones who have to work with them, so I’m going to need your perspectives. Medics, I’ve already scheduled a meeting, and here are some questions I want to have answered: What do you need to provide better care for your comrades?” Back then, you didn’t know that clones referred to each other as brothers. You updated your vocabulary once you got familiar with it. “What are you striving for? How can I help to achieve that? Which problems do you see?” You made a short break. “The appointment is mandatory, but I promise to keep everything we discuss strictly confidential. Nonetheless, should you not dare to speak frankly to an outsider upon this first occasion, there’ll be more chances. So long, carry on.”

Rex remembers this short speech you gave when you officially assumed your position even more vividly than his first sex with you, for your words and demeanor decisively shaped how he perceived you and your work henceforth.

Ever since, you often say things that resonate deeply with him, that intrigue and move him in ways he fails to comprehend. Like he fails to comprehend what in the human mind is responsible for the ability to find the stars beautiful, but that doesn't stop him from admiring the view into the depths of the galaxy.

Rex knows you are right - terminating the pregnancy is the only reasonable choice. Not only for you and him but for the sake of all the medics and civilians benefitting from your work.

Yet, how hard he may try, he can't deny that the mere idea of you having his child imbues him with… more pride than he felt when he got promoted to Captain. This truth leaves his heart in a vacuum because he grew up believing that a clone can hardly achieve more than this rank.

Nothing should mean more. Realizing that something could–well, that feels like he’s betraying himself and all his brothers.

Once more, Rex inspects the chocolate bar in his hands, which has melted in the wrapper for the umpteenth time. The vacuum in his heart fills with guilt, and he shakes his head. No, he can’t. He’s already caring too much.

Just as he decides to leave, he catches you moving in the corner of his eye, causing him to lift his head to watch you squeeze one hand against your mouth and wrap the other arm around your stomach, pulling your knees to your chest and contorting your face, screw your eyes shut.

The sight makes the vacuum inside him spread further. More guilt fills the void.

Dank Farrik, he thinks, as his fist slams the button that opens the door to the treatment room...

Chapter Two - Tightrope Act

#rex x reader #rex x you #captain rex #the clone wars #captain rex fanfiction

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shivstar · 3 months

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A prongsfoot Au request for all the wonderful writers...

Muggle au with James and Sirius being the part of different gangs.

James whose parents are murdered when he was 13 at the hands of tom riddle because they came up on a gang secret. He hates that man Vows to kill the people responsible.

He joins Dumbledore's gang which is like a gang for the greater good. To maintain peace in society and only kills the bad people. Also is like robbin hood. Unlike the opposing gang which does criminal act for fun.

Dumbles orders James to infiltrate the opposing gang as their crime rate increases. James is to get intel. For this he is tasked to seduce Sirius Black, whom he hates personally for having something he doesn't. A family. For being rich and spoiled.

Meanwhile Lily who is a civillian he has been asking out for so long has agreed to date him finally but he declines her knowing that he has to fake date someone else. And he maybe a gangster but he has morals. He tells her that he has a job abroad for a few months. They both agree to wait a few months to start something new.

And when James meets Sirius his mind blews away. He finds out that there is so mich more to this guy. And without realising he starts to fall in love with him.

Sirius is in love and has always wanted to leave but didn't have the motivation for it. Now he comes out clear to James about his background and his hate for this life and decision to leave. Love gives him courage to act upon his desire to just be done with his shitty life as a gangster.

Meanwhile James just is in denial and still thinks that he is not caught up in the feelings. He feels guilty for using Sirius and playing with his feelings. To that effect he breaks up with Sirius without giving him any reason while to dumbledore and gang he lies that sirius is the one who ended things. The mission ends and he begins half heartedly dating lily who soon falls in love with his act. He doesn't tells her that he is a gang member for obvious reason.

James comes to the epiphany that his relationship with lily is nothing but a big pile of lies on his side as he soon begins to understand that he was so wrong in ever asking her out. Not only because he is ruined for everyone after Sirius but also because lily has a simple life which he shouldn't have entered knowing he is a gangster.

Sirius meanwhile is heartbroken and lost. Bellatrix who is quite fed up from his cousin being all mopey decides to confront james. As a gangster she feels that they can have anyone and wants to bring back james to Sirius by any means possible.

But soon she learns that james is himself a part of their enemy gang. Making her smell fishy business. To get to know what actually happened she sends regulus to remus doing the same wooing thing to find out. Remus is a member of dumbledores gang too.

Remus soon falls for regulus. Only this time it is completely one sided. Once regulus learns what happened he makes sure to let remus knows that he feels nothing for remus but pity and that he never loved him. Regulus was already dating barty jr. all this time whom he loves to death. They both had a great laugh.

Feelings humiliated remus decides to revenge. He plans to kidnap regulus and bring him for torture to their gang. But due to some issue sirius gets kidnapped. Remus does not get deterred knowing that Black family really loves Sirius and they will suffer if Sirius is hurt. Thus indirectly hurting regulus.

After a couple of days of torture Remus decide to bring James in who is his friend thinking that James would love to finish his mission. On learning James goes absolutely feral and finally acknowledges that he is in love with sirius. So much so that he beats remus into a pulp for hurting his man.

Sirius hates James for dumping him and blames him for the kidnap and torture. All while James just wants to nurse his love to health under the nose of dumbledore. While Black family is going crazy because of a missing member.

The angst of knowing that Sirius hates him is killling James so he delivers him back to his family after a few days.

Meanwhile lily learns of her boyfriends gangster career. She gives James the ultimatum to leave the gang Or else.

James feels that he can't run away from the grave he has dug for himself when lily means so little to him. He feels he has to be part of the gang to be closer to sirius somehow. Thye break up. He tells her that he is in love with someone else.

Later lily learns that she is the daughter of the head of the rival gang head tom riddle and her mother had kept her hidden. Riddle on meeting her tells her that he would do anything to make her part of his life as his daughter. Lily, the avenging angel that she is tells riddle that she would accept her position as the next in line if he would bring her Sirius black's head and make James Potter marry her.

On the other hand Remus informs dumbledore of jamess treacherous act. Dumbles is very strict on moles orders to kill James on sight.

Peter whi worships James and is his side kick helps him from their own gang.

Meanwhile the Black family is enraged on learning that riddle wants to make a show of killing Sirius for his suddenly arrived daughter. They unite to save their son and seek james's help once again to keep him protected as all of them are heavily watched.

James for the first time opens up to Sirius. Tells him everything true about himself and his past and his reasoning and his love. His regret and his guilt.

Sirius who has a blind spot for James forgives him after making James earn it.

James tries to convince Sirius to run away with him but Sirius wants revenge. From riddle for James. From Dumbledore. From remus.

They begin a third gang and decide to go full on war.

Their drama full journey with a happy ending

#prongsfoot #bambibelle #sirius black #james potter #remus lupin #lily evans #alternate universe #story prompt #story ideas #story requests

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greentrickster · 1 year

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Hello, this is my new OC, his name is Fred-Rick and he is a sentient suit of armor!

(Important: The image isn’t mine, but I Cannot draw armor, so I looked around until I found a suit that looked like him and wasn’t someone’s own custom armor or anything like that. This set is actually for sale on AliExpress, and it’s meant to be more a ‘this is the rough shape of him’ than a ‘this is exactly how he looks original design do not steal.’ This is here solely to have an image to go along with my words and make him easier to picture.)

ANYWAY, the important bits! First off, I he drifted into my mind last night while considering my love of fully-armored characters while drifting off to sleep, and the idea sparking (as I’m sure it has for other people) “...but what if the armor was the character?” So now Fred-Rick lives in my brain and I’m so happy to have him here.

The product of a wizardly duel of the end-game variety happening in a palace, several suits of armor got hit with multiple reality-bending spells at once, and this collision created several new forms of life, including Fred who’s also the only one that’s still basically just armor. His reaction to going from inanimate object to fully-realized living being? “Jiminy-jaminy - sapient free will!” and then doing his best to try and help get rid of the wizard who was causing problems.

...come to think of it, ‘doing his best’ is a pretty good descriptor for Fred. He has a lot of baseline knowledge, but it’s patchy, and there’s also no experience to back any of it up. For an example: he chose the name ‘Fred-Rick’ himself because he liked both names and couldn’t choose between them, but was also unaware that ‘Fredrick’ was a name in and of itself until several months later, when someone saw him write his own name for the first time. This poor boy would get talked into buying so many bridges in the modern world.

Also yes, he has a sword and knows how to use it. He’s only an average-level swordsman, though - nothing special to write home about, just adequate.

His ‘body’ is comprised solely of the metal and leather of the armor - while the picture may show cloth, Fred actually has chain-mail in those places instead, and they may be filled out, but there’s nothing in them. The only way to hurt him is by damaging the metal or leather. He can be killed via crushing or, oddly, having his helmet separated from his torso. He’s not fully aware of either of these things, but learns quickly enough that, to him, having part of himself crushed or dented in any way hurts way more than piercing damage to his other metal parts, and that while having, say, one of his gauntlets or a grieve removed is uncomfortable, anything trying to remove his helmet triggers some exciting new survival instincts he did not have as an object, so it’s probably one of those Do Not Let That Happen things. His leather straps look like they should be his most vulnerable areas, but they aren’t, it just equivalent-pain-level-of-stings when they get cut or burnt. Getting his chain-mail torn or damaged is unpleasant in a ‘bad muscle cramp’ sort of way.

Ironically, he’s completely heat and fire resistant, so being melted or burnt isn’t a risk, but he gets cold very easily. A Fred in a beautiful, snow-filled field on a clear, cold winter’s day is such a sad Fred. It also doesn’t help that his feet are made of smooth metal and thus more slippy than grippy - he eventually starts wearing leather boots over them to counteract this issue after experimenting with a few other fixes first. He also has to be careful around water, as, being made of metal, he is at risk of rust and corrosion, so drying off carefully, avoiding rain, and giving himself a proper polish every few days is an important part of his health routine.

His chest-plate/torso, while hollow, also contains a kind of n-space that serves two functions. First, he can store things in there (though he’s generally more comfortable just carrying things in a pack like everyone else). Second, he can use it to ‘eat’ unworked metal and leather to heal any injuries he has or improve his metal, though both have to be at least partially processed for him to do so. Ex: he could toss an old boot and an iron bar into his chestplate to fix up some battle injuries, but a lump of iron ore and the fresh skin of a dead squirrel wouldn’t work. Also, if he loses a piece of armor, he can’t just consume enough metal and leather to regrow it - he has to find a new piece of the same type of armor and consume that first, at which point he can grow a replacement that either looks like the original one, or the part he consumed. The process takes about a day to complete.

Consuming food doesn’t give him any apparent health benefits or detriments, but his shows every impression of getting joy from it. Again, though, it has to have some level of process in its creation - plain cooked meat and veg or raw fruit hold no appeal to him. A hearty soup or quiche is much better. He adores baked goods, the fancier the better. Give him a nice tart or roll of bread and he’ll open his visor to drop that right on in there, then sit around radiating contentment for an hour. ‘Eating’ like this is very much a leisure activity for him, though - it’s something he does during solid downtime, not on the road or while working.

Consuming pre-made pieces of armor when he’s uninjured also allows him to alter his appearance in aesthetic ways. Though, honestly? If he’s going to dress up, he’ll go for a cape and some feather plumes for his helmet every single time. Fred-Rick loves decorative capes, they make him feel so fancy, same with the feathers. They’re the only things he really uses his chestplate’s n-space storage for that aren’t things he’s going to consume either now or later. He was originally a decorative suit of armor and, while he’s alive now, he’s still a fancy boy at heart. The day he learns he can use metal jewelry the same way he can use pre-made pieces of armor is going to be a very exciting day indeed for him, though it hasn’t come just yet.

He is a sweet, goofy guy who is excited to be going out into the world, having adventures, and making friends. He’s the happy ‘wide-eyed’ innocent of any group he’s in, and, while there is valiance in his breastplate, he’s more likely to be found doing odd jobs than heroic quests if left to his own devices. Being useful and watching organic beings have non-violent interactions are his current favorite activities. Fred-Rick’s inexperience with life and being alive leaves him with a lot of blind spots that can allow people to take advantage of him, but also lets him get really excited over even small joys, like seeing the sun glinting off a river on a nice day, simply because it’s his first time experiencing them. He has basic social niceties and behaviour down, it’s the nuances that tend to catch him out.

Also, I know all this isn’t my usual bailiwick, but Fred-Rick is a good, sweet boy and I love him, and this felt like the best place to put all this down and maybe introduce him to some other people who will love him. He’s the sort of character that makes me wish I was better at drawing, but unfortunately I’m not willing to take time away from my other activities (like writing) to get better at it, so I can’t really complain. Maybe someday when I have more energy for it, I’ll do a proper, official character design for him. :)

#Fred-Rick the sentient suit of armor #my oc #my oc my beloved

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white-weasel · 4 months

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Saw Saturday has come yet again, this time we watched Saw VI:

First off, this movie was so aggressively 2008-2009 in its theme I was FLOORED. Of course there were the predatory lenders, loaning out money to those they knew couldn’t pay it back (direct reference to the housing crash in 2007/2008) and then I got hit with the words “preexisting condition” and literally went “oh fuck the affordable care act doesn’t exist yet.” So definitely was interesting to get a blast from the past with social commentary that was very much based on popular public discourse at the time (not saying predatory lending and American health insurance aren’t also issues now just… a different kind of issue/focus)

I cannot believe that Strahm’s hand survived that entire crushing room so in tact. Then again I did not watch Strahm’s actual death at all because I’m too much of a baby about broken bones, but just seeing the rest of the corpse… man Hoffman got pretty lucky with that one

Perez didn’t die in 4/5 I fucking called it!!! Like I said, if I don’t see your body idc, you’re alive in my book

Still, I’m surprised that they revealed that bit of information to Hoffman. I guess at that point they were running off the assumption Strahm was Jigsaw’s accomplice and thus Hoffman would be a trusted ally in the investigation but man

Speaking of, Hoffman was sooooo sus this entire movie it was almost comical. I mean, it’s probably just because you as an audience member know Hoffman’s whole deal but still

Another Saw trap gauntlet! I think it’s interesting that as the movies moved more towards focusing on John Kramer and his crew as the main characters, rather than those in the trap, the traps have turned into multiple tests rather than just one. It makes sense from a story telling perspective though because that way they don’t have to explain multiple people’s deals why they’re in these traps and can instead just focus on one

With that, I think this was my favorite of the trap gauntlets yet! Actual tough decisions for William and I feel like it mixed the moral choices being put forward by 3 about saving people, while also making the decisions tougher/have more consequences like 5. I really liked the maze where in order to let her pass through he had to redirect the steam and burn himself and the shotgun carousel trap where he had to impale his hands in order to save just a fraction of those on it.

I was staring at the teen boy with his mom who have been put in that cage room with the acid and was like “He looks familiar but idk where I’ve seen him before” a few scenes later my friend just blurts out “oh my god that’s Rodrick from Diary of a Wimpy Kid” and we literally had to pause to take in that information

Once again though, not sure how I feel about more John Kramer lore being added, but this at least didn’t stand out to me as being Too Much yknow. It makes sense that there was a slimy insurance guy who screwed over thousands of sick people and also did it to John, who was a close friend. Didn’t break anything pre established too much

Idk if this was intentional but the whole thing about the knives used to cut the jigsaw pieces out being different for Hoffman vs John felt like it was kinda a reference back to John telling Hoffman that the blade on his pendulum was inferior. If Hoffman had just followed John’s lead and used a surgical precision knife, the right tool for the job, to cut up that latest victim, the discrepancy wouldn’t have been raised and they probably wouldn’t have even thought about re-examining the Seth Baxter tape

The scene in the audio technician lab? So good. Once again Hoffman is being so so sus but also he’s cornered. I do have to question the logic of letting Hoffman hear the actual incriminating evidence when it’s pretty obvious they suspected him at this point, but it led to an iconic moment so I will take it

Rip Perez for real this time :( genuinely did like her from what we saw from her and I desperately wanted her to own Hoffman’s ass

Did NOT expect Hoffman to have basically blackmailed Amanda into killing Lynn (and thereby killing herself) back in 3, but now that I think about it it makes sooo much sense. It never 100% clicked with me why Amanda did that with how I read her character, but knowing that she was making the choice between her father figure/mentor/person who’s approval she wanted most in the world hating her or killing Lynn, things have fallen into place better

Jill was MUCH more involved with the Jigsaw operation than I had previously thought. It was basically like a fucking murder family up in there lmaoooo

Hoffman in the reverse bear trap was unexpected!! And the fact he beat what was supposed to be an unbeatable trap for him??? Actually a little bit insane. (He and Strahm both surviving “unwinnable” traps? They’re perfect for each other) I cannot wait to see what Jill’s reaction is gonna be when he eventually shows up and is like “I lived, bitch”

We’re reaching the point where my friend doesn’t remember what happens in the series (she watched some of the movies year ago) She said she very clearly remembered 1-3, would remember things as they came up in 4, and now only remembers stuff from Jigsaw since she saw that one in theaters. However, she loves hearing me ramble about my theories and then likes to look things up about the movies so she can know ahead of time if I’m right or not lmao

In her words “See, I knew you would like these movies, not because of like the traps or the gore or anything, but because of the crazy shit that happens in the plot. It’s fun seeing you go crazy about the twists and then spiral until we watch the next one.” And she’s absolutely 100% right

#saw #saw franchise #saw series #saw vi #sawposting #white weasel talks #I scream about Saw

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dragongutsixofficial · 1 year

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You mentioned that you tend to work through a Nobody Dies lens. Does that apply to Dimitri, and what is his relationship with the Hresvelg siblings?

Thanks for the ask !! ^^ It took quite some time for me to make up my mind about this specific thing and yes, that lens does apply to Dimitri. There's a few reasons to this decision, which I need to recontextualize a bit in regards to the Hresvelg siblings:

I'll start by this: Aline and Adel do not consider Dimitri as their sibling at all. This isn't due to the fact that they are not related by blood (they both have different mothers than Patricia), but rather because they have basically never met before the Academy nor developed a meaningful relationship during their time there. Both of them always had in mind that they would end up betraying and declaring war on everyone in Garreg Mach, and that Dimitri would end up being one of their fiercest enemies as King. Moreover, Adel has never liked him because they are both faced with very similar mental health issues and he has some internalized trauma that he doesn't like to see reflected in someone else. As such, if it had only been for the two of them and Edelgard, Dimitri's death, although incredibly sad and unfortunate, could have been a logical conclusion to his arc in Crimson Flower.

The real issue here is Loki. For some context (although I just linked his character sheet), he is Patricia and Lambert's kid and since their couple was already Going To Shit™ by the time he was a toddler, he mostly stuck to his older brother's side. However, during the events of the tragedy of Duscur, during which he travelled with his mother, TWSTID decided to abduct him rather than kill him, and raise him to be a puppet with a legitimate claim to rule Fodlan in case Edelgard ever decided to rebel against them. And although he got brainwashed by his uncle Thales/Arundel, he never forgot about Dimitri and deeply wished to reunite with him; this also means that when he first got to meet with and learn about the existence of the rest of the Hresvelg siblings thanks to Kronya (I'll go over this in a later post) as a young teenager, his whole world was completely shattered. Long story short, that led him to join the Hresvelg siblings and get to be part of a family again. However, Loki never once forgets about Dimitri, on the contrary: realizing that Edelgard and him are on their merry way to fight each other to the death only amplifies his wish to see him again after all those years and convince him to make peace with her, because he just wants to have his whole family back and alive. As such, seeing any of his siblings die would absolutely destroy him.

That means that Dimitri could survive in Crimson Flower. and if he doesn't Loki might never recover. But then, how so ?

Sadly, it is in my own opinion unlikely that Edelgard and Dimitri could ever see eye-to-eye and become allies, even with Loki as a middle ground. Especially since Loki doesn't care for the Kingdom per see and feels a lot closer to his Agarthan culture of adoption and his focus is on bringing TWSTID down. Any attempt at discussion would just end up being a repeat of their Azure Moon talk at best, because their world visions are just too different.

This entails that any of Loki's attempts at convincing Dimitri to make peace with his sister would be unfruitful. First, because Dimitri would've thought Loki had died a long time ago, and finding out his little brother is alive would be a pretty big blow: but you know what would be an even bigger blow ? Finding out that he was raised by and thus, helped TWSTID, the same people who are responsible for the genocide of Duscur and their parents' death. And that he is still technically helping them by standing at Edelgard's side, the very person who betrayed all of them. The only way they could rebuild a stronger relationship would be if Loki decided to join his side, something that he is unwilling to do since A) he has three siblings on the imperial side and B) all four of them are planning to take down TWSTID. Unfortunately, this means that all of Loki and Dimitri's interactions post-timeskip end up in disaster- although none of them ever physically hurts the other in battle. This depresses Loki quite a bit, and enrages Adel, but he eventually accepts that he cannot take responsibility for his older siblings' actions and settles on one goal: keeping them from beating each other to death.

However, Loki brings something new to the table regarding Edelgard and Dimitri's relationships: memories. At his contact, El makes the connection and remembers the time she spent in Faerghus with the prince, which does make her take a step back. Although that is definitely not enough to make her negociate, it is to make her consider sparing him in battle- a bit like how in-game, Claude can be spared. Her unwillingness to back down from her ideals, though, makes it absolutely necessary that Dimitri is removed from any position of authority, else he could always rally support against the Empire. The Kingdom of Faerghus as a geopolitical entity may survive, but the Blaiddyd monarchy needs to go.

So... Where does that lead us ? To a rather bleak solution which is far from perfect, but has to make-do in their complicated circumstances where both sides can't meet in the middle. Edelgard agrees to spare Dimitri in the battle of Tailtean, and lets him go- letting Loki take the lead on this one. This means that Loki has to accept that he might never see him again, and that he might never forgive him. This can turn one of two ways:

I do believe that if Dedue survives and hasn't turned into a demonic beast yet, he can convince Dimitri to go without pulling a stunt similar to the one Edelgard pulls with the dagger in Azure Moon in a last desperate attempt to kill the Empress, because he still has him to cling to.

Otherwise, Dimitri truly loses everything and everyone: in which case convincing him to seize the opportunity to stay alive would be pointless. In that eventuality, Loki forces his hand and just teleports him out- making it impossible for him to make it back to the battlefield before all is lost. Which... is an even bleaker alternative.

In any case, that means that the Hresvelg siblings and Dimitri have to cut contact, at least for a good number of years. Maybe someday, when Fodlan (and especially Faerghus) is rebuilt, they might get in contact again- once both Loki and him can have some time to heal. Maybe slowly rebuild a semblance of a relationship, who knows ?

... Well damn. That was a BUMMER and incredibly angsty. Sadly, not all things can have the best ending for everyone involved. =(

=D Thankfully, Claude and Edelgard's relationship would be a lot better- no fucking thanks to Aline !

#fe3h #dimitri alexandre blaiddyd #edelgard von hresvelg #hresvelg siblings #loki blaiddyd von hresvelg #aline von hresvelg #adel von hresvelg #crimson flower #AAAANGST SO MUCH ANGST #ask #thanks so much !!!

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40ouncesandamule · 6 months

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From 2002:

The Dictatorship of Capital

The mid-term elections have made it official: the US is a one-party state—a dictatorship of capital. Unlike the Communist party that represents the workers, the Republican Party represents the owners. The class struggle is globalized: the two camps are now confronting each other on a global level: the United States owners and the world workers.

Capitalist states and their apologists have, of course, always distinguished themselves from communist states by emphasizing the single party-ness of the communist states. For the proponents of the free market, the best evidence that communist countries are "totalitarian" and "anti-democratic" has always been that they are governed by single party states. Thus, while all Cubans (under conditions of a devastating decades long U.S. embargo designed to annihilate their economy) have access to healthcare, education, and can boast a 95% literacy rate, Cuba has been regarded as a "brutal dictatorship" for its single-party system by the richest nation in the world—in which citizens are denied healthcare, 15 million children are struggling with hunger, and in which high school students will graduate with less than an 8th grade reading level.

Up until now, the illusion of a "multi-party" system was kept alive by the Democratic Party. The Democratic Party, which previously engaged in vigorous "social policy" disputes with Republicans, has always quietly supported the ruling class along side of them, through capitalist reforms. The extensive social policy of F.D.R.'s "New Deal" was advanced by the Democratic Party to save U.S. capital (which was on the verge of total collapse) from the growing hostility and outrage of American workers against class inequalities, and to ensure, for a fledgling U.S. capital, a much needed compliant and increasingly productive domestic labor force from which capital could extract surplus-labor for profit. The "welfare reforms" supported by the Clinton Administration—which dismantled the last vestiges of welfare—were merely an expression of the fact that U.S. capital had amassed so much wealth from the exploitation of U.S. workers that it suffered a crisis of profitability from overproduction, and was compelled to drive the standard of living (the necessary labor) of workers down to make more room in the working day for surplus-labor. "Social policy" in capitalism has always been a way to transfer the congealed labor of workers into the hands of the ruling class.

But now, with the all but "official" collapse of the Democratic Party, there has been a collapse of the illusion that the U.S. state is anything but a dictatorship of owners. The "explanations" of the collapse of the "multi-party" state offered by politicians and the corporate media in the wake of the elections have been trivializing non-explanations: they have either focused on the "back-boned" political savvy of the Republican Party or a "lack of organization" in the Democratic Party and its inability to offer a "strong program" to citizens. All of this masks the fact that election strategies have never been the basis of change. The silence of the Democratic Party on the issues of corporate scandals, the huge tax cuts for the rich, environmental destruction, health care, the rollback of democratic rights in the national security state and war is not an effect of a poor election strategy, but a silence driven by shared economic interests. When the basic question of the profitability of capital is at stake there is no decisive difference between the two parties.

Now that its "single-party-ness" is officially established, the U.S. state can dispense with all pretense to "democracy" and the social well-being of citizens and get down to the business of concentrating the wealth of the world into the hands of a few. The "policy disputes" that once marked the difference between the two parties have either emptied and decayed into hollow habitual objections or altogether disappeared. The single-party state is united in its abdication of all political power to a capitalist oligarchy, spearheaded by an oil tycoon who is now being hailed in the right-wing National Review as "The Conqueror". The state is now a garrison state to protect the imperialist interests of U.S. capital at the expense of the world's workers. Even members of the capitalist oligarchy can no longer deny that any pretense to democracy and the social well being of citizens has been dropped by the single-party state of owners. In a recent interview (to be published in Esquire), a former top aid to the Bush Administration, John J. DiIulio Jr. (appointed by Bush to head the White House Office of Faith-Based and Community Initiatives) states that: "There is no precedent in any modern White House for what is going on in this one: a complete lack of a policy apparatus. What you've got is everything, and I mean everything, being run by the political arm. It's the reign of the Mayberry Machiavellis" (The Drudge Report 2002, December 1, 2002). DiIulio has since "apologized" for his criticism, under the pressure of White House Spokesperson Ari Fleisher, who knows that democratic debate has no place in a single-party dictatorship of capital.

What is revealed by the collapse of the multi-party system is that the modern "democratic" state of "multiple parties", "civil rights", and national "self-determination"—at one time seemingly "immortalized" in the "United Nations"—has become outdated and has outlived its historical usefulness to imperialist capital. The "freedoms" of the modern "democratic" state, which were once necessary for the protection of the developing bourgeoisie (and helping it secure a domestic labor force to exploit), are becoming too restrictive for U.S. monopoly capital and, therefore, have to go. This is not a simple matter of a shift in political "policy". Rather, it is a historical matter of economic necessity for the ruling class. U.S. capital is in a deep crisis of profitability (overtly marked by the collapse of the telecom industry and the recent corporate scandals). Along with its (failed) strategy to buffer a decline in the rate of profit by appropriating millions of dollars from the retirement funds of U.S. workers, U.S. capital is in a ruthless pursuit of new profitable investments and new conditions of production by obtaining the rights to appropriate the oil and labor of Central Asia and the Middle East—which bourgeois democracy gets in the way of.

To state this more clearly: The readiness of the ruling class to dispense with the now outdated ("democratic") relations because they threaten profitability is a dramatic index of the deepening contradiction between the relentless global expansion and development of the productive forces that makes possible the meeting of all people's needs, and the efforts to ensure that production remains organized around private accumulation (profit). The old strategies of bourgeois democracy, which U.S. capital used to secure profit in the past, now stand in the way of the drive to concentrate global production in its own hands and gain access to new reserves of labor from which to extract a profit so as to ensure its dominance and competitiveness in the world economy. Today the ruling class has no use for bourgeois democracy, national sovereignty, civil rights—all of which increasingly get in the way of its capacity to accumulate profit. It is the crisis of profitability in capitalism, not "weapons inspection", that is behind the U.S. drive to dispense with the United Nations (that last bastion of bourgeois democracy) and its "countdown" to war with Iraq to oust Saddam Hussein (who represents a "national" capitalist competitor standing in the way of U.S. capital's monopoly over the global oil industry). U.S. capital is in crisis and requires a single-party "security" state of capitalist oligarchs which has dispensed with all questions of the "democratic self-determination" of nations and is single-minded in its focus on a ruthless redivision of the world to amass greater wealth from the world's workers and concentrate production and profit to meet its own economic needs.

It is in this context that the emphasis now paid to the need for "national security" to protect "our (democratic) way of life" should also be understood: as part of the ideological means by which the single-party capitalist oligarchy popularizes the narrow class interests of U.S. monopoly capital as in the general interests of "all Americans". "Our way of life" has been a way to bribe American workers into quiet consent: to produce a labor aristocracy which does not mind the acquisition of cheap Iraqi oil through the slaughter and exploitation of "other" workers in order to compensate for the "decent" living wages (by far the lowest in the advanced capitalist nations) that are denied to them by their "own" ruling class.

But behind the cultural slogans, and behind the economic mechanisms producing the consent of workers to the relations of exploitation, the economic relations of "American" capital tell a different story: not one of "democratic self-determination" of "our way of life" but of the parasitism of U.S. capital's dependence on the exploited labor of the world proletariat. This parasitism of U.S. imperialism—its theft of the surplus-labor of the international proletariat—and the concentration of production into fewer hands that is part and parcel of imperialist conquest not only is not in the historic class interests of the world working class in the struggle for a society free from exploitation of their collective labor, but is not even in the "immediate" interests of any workers. The rule of monopoly capital has led not to an increase but a decline in the standard of living of the majority of workers, including those in the U.S. where the productivity of labor is the highest in the world and where the wage gap has increased so dramatically that CEOs who made 39 times the average worker's wage 30 years ago now make 1000 times the average worker's wage.

"Our way of life", to put this another way, is the way of life of the ruling class—production for profit—which has always been a code for maintaining "them" in "their way of life"—as a cheap pool of readily exploitable surplus labor and a secure market for the products of the West. Far from bringing the promise of prosperity to all, the dictatorship of capital and its aggressive maintenance of private property relations to profit from the surplus-labor of workers ultimately "rewards" the increased productivity of the international proletariat with stagnation and decay of their conditions of life, with economic immiseration for the overwhelming majority and the constant threat to their basic life security. While the concentration of production in capitalism leads to increased productivity of the international proletariat—to the socialization of the productive forces around the world—the maintenance of relations of production based on private property (in which the few own and control the means of production and command over the surplus-labor of millions), requires increasingly drastic measures of economic, political, and military assault on workers.

If there is any question that the U.S. state is a dictatorship of capital against all workers, one only has to look at the readiness of Bush to threaten West Coast dock workers with a military assault if they strike for a safe workplace and other improvements to their living and working conditions. Like the dismantling of civil rights, of the welfare state, of bourgeois democracy…these are the historically necessary attempts, under capitalism, by a now unveiled dictatorship of capital to maintain increasingly outdated private property relations and try to "resolve" the crisis of profitability at the expense of workers. The only way to free all workers from exploitation (the theft of their surplus-labor) and the increasingly aggressive attack on their conditions of life in order to maintain relations of exploitation, is to free workers from this historical necessity for profit under capitalism. What is needed to struggle against the brutal dictatorship of capital—production for profit, which is always production for the few at the expense of the majority—is a dictatorship of the proletariat: production for need and freedom from necessity for all.

#just the same arguments #over and over and over again #forever

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