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#and told myself if they ever closed thats it for me bc id never get any piercings
ankhisms · 1 year
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painfully aware of how my mental and physical illnesses make it feel almost impossible for me to function or exist at all in society
yes i have a diary now yes i am still writing this here bc im not home yet. my pain in my back and neck and hip have been worse and worse lately and ive been trying to just manage it and deal with it but my mental health has also just been a rollercoaster lately where ill be fine and then ill take a nose dive and have been genuinely really seriously suicidal and close to relapsing into self harm but i thankfully havent. right now im just thinking about how much it sucks that just no matter how hard i try people can still sense that theres something off about me and that i dont act "normal" in our interactions like at the end of the audition i had to talk to this like theater manager lady and the conversation was really hard for me to follow along and get through and it was clear that she thought i was acting weird and she asked me if id be willing to do behind the scenes stuff and i said something like well i like 25 miles out of town so i cant really come for backstage stuff on short notice and she was like well can you follow instructions and i had trouble responding to that because thats a loaded question for me i do often strugglw with the instructions people give me especially in environments like work ones so i said uh within reason and she clearly thought that was a weird response. it just all makes me feel so hopeless i feel like in the past with the theater i grew up in and the other one i acted in they like... they were aware of me being strange but the directors at least didnt hold it against me or get mad at me really for being not normal because they knew i was a good actor and i worked hard and i was serious about it and passionate about it and now i feel like people just notice that im not normal and think that means that they shouldnt have me in their production. but then it hurts to also think like. well what if ive just never actually been very good at this. for such a long time acting was like the only thing i ever truly felt fully confident in myself about and the only thing i belueced in myself about ive always felt pretty insecure about my art and writing even though i love doing those things just as much as acting but with acting i always felt like it was something i was good at or at least decent at it like i got lead roles the first time i tried to go to college i got a scholarship for my acting. and now im just like. what if ive just been total shit at this this entire time. what if someones going to just tell me straight to my face that im laughably bad at this and that its pathetic and that theres no chance in hell that i can ever be a professional actor. thinking about it all now its like man. the professors at that first college i tried to go to who tormented me and told me i was too ugly to get any roles and too emotional really fucked me up i think thats where this self doubt in my acting ability is coming from. because before that whole disaster i really did feel more solidly confident in my ability. and now its like. what if i really just suck at this and no matter how much i love it and care about it and put a lot of work and thought and effort into it what if theres just no chance for me and its all impossible. anyway im just rambling now but yeah. really doubt im getting into the show i auditioned for today
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wanderrlust0 · 4 months
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i hung out with snow and 2 of their friends for their bday (2 dozen anni celebration) and it was a lot of fun!
we got to the city around 3:15 and walked to ktown. we went to this bakery they all usually go to and they had so many tasty treats, i wanted to try them all! i got a strawberry bouchee & snow got us this strawberry refresher thats kind of carbonated but it was good! it had pieces of strawberries in it so it was cute. then we walked to kinokuniya which is this huge japanese store filled with books,magazines,manga, stationery, plushies,toys,collectables, &moreeee. it had 3 stories!!! there was soo much to look at & i def wanna go back!! i told the bestie about it & she wants to go! (i didnt realize how close it was to bryant park as well. like i totally wouldve went there last time i was in bryant park if i knewww.) we were in there for like an hr. i bought a spirited away japanese book & a cute pop up holiday card for myself bc i liked the art. i wanted a small spirited away book but they only had the big one and the book that shows miyazakis sketches. i feel like i shouldve just gotten that one, even tho it was more money..maybe on my next trip. afterwards, we went to muji, then the nintendo store. so snows friends are very much gamers. well, they allll are lol & theyre into kpop, conventions, etc so theyre quite diff from my friend group but they were very nice! & they were already talking about stuff like how i have to see their friends room bc she has cool things and how they’ll force me & snow to watch the live action.. demon slayer mugen train musical…lolll yes that. we then went backkk to ktown to eat at abiko curry, which is a spot they go to a lot. it was my first time trying it and omg it was sooo good, i ate it all. ive never had korean curry so i thought it was so cool that i could add a pork chop to it and it was crispy! it was so satisfying lol it was like our first real meal of the day at 8:30. im gonna be thinking about that curry for a whilee. afterwards, we were gonna go to this place called starbucks reserve, which is like a very fancy coffee shop/bar, but we realized we wouldnt have enough time so were saving it for some other time. we got gelato that was nearby and they had such cool flavors!! lychee, guava, plum.. i got a scoop of ube and thai iced tea and they went perfect together omg i want it again. i didnt know how thai iced tea gelato would taste but it tasted exactlyyy like the drink so it was so refreshing after our curry meal. after gelato we went back to the bakery to pick up things we wanted to take home with us. we didnt get on the train until 10:30 so we got home later than i thought & i was soso tired the next morning bc i had to wake up early but it was worth it lol. oh yeah! i forgot to mention but i gave snow their bday gift & card in the car so they opened the gift before we walked to the train station and !!! they loved it so much they criedddd D; it was sweet and also shocking and funny bc like!! i didnt mean to make you cry omggg loll for context, the gift was a framed drawing i made of inumaki from jujutsu kaisen and so they said thats its literally the best gift theyve ever gotten, mostly due to it being handmade and i was like WhaTttt no wayyy. the best gift youve ever gotten?!? they knew i was gonna draw something already bc they didnt want me to buy a gift & wanted something handmade like my art but ofc they didnt know what id draw & didnt really expect me to draw Him. they saved the card for our train ride home bc when they first opened it in the car & saw so many words they couldnt read it yet lol. when snow was on their way to my house they realized they forgot my gift (for my bday) and i was like MY Gift!!?! i really dont know what it could even be… it was fun spending time with them and i feel like its a nice change to hangout with a different friend group. idk like something about it feels fun and refreshing & just different. ofc it depends how comfortable i feel with everyone. but yeahhh, it was a good day & i got to try a lot of yummi foods
(my bracelet fell off and idk where it went:(( it could be somewhere in my room or my bfs room.. i dont believe it fell off at work.. or the shower..but i dont wanna think about thatD: it wasnt really a sentimental one i guess.. but it was like a good bracelet..& old.. &cute:( im hoping it shows uppppp!!!!)
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okcat · 3 years
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not me getting my ear pierced bc of a kpop man that doesnt even have his anymore
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cringesideblog · 3 years
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here’s my dnf playlist and a complete song by song track-list and why I put them on it.
heatwaves- on here for very obvious reasons. i don’t think I need to explain. but here are some lyrics anyway. “Sometimes all I think about is you, late nights in the middle of June.”
Jenny- again this is kinda obvious. “I wanna ruin our friendship, we should be lovers instead, I don’t know how to say this, cuz you’re really my dearest friend.”
TALK ME DOWN- this one just has the best friends pining for eachother vibe. “I wanna sleep next to you, and that’s all I wanna do right now.”
Dark paradise- kinda has dream smp vibes. but also you could argue heatwaves vibes. “Everytime I close my eyes, it’s like a dark paradise.” “There’s no relief, I see you in my sleep.” “There’s no release, I feel you in my dreams.”
Sweater weather- yeah you know why. you absolutely know why. “All I am is a man, I want the world in my hands. I hate the beach but I stand, in California with my toes in the sand.”
Drop the Guillotine- idk man just vibey. give it a listen you’ll get it. it’ll click. “You sure know how to drop that guillotine on me, though you would never wanna see me bleed.”
Can I call you tonight?- thats on their only for of communication being through the phone huh. (major heatwaves vibe) “powers out and I can’t turn the fan on, so can I call you tonight? trying make up my mind, just how I feel.”-“I hear your voice on the phone, now I’m no longer alone.”
Lemon boy- oh my god this song. geogre do be seeing dream as his lemon boy. “I helped him plant his seeds and we’d mow the lawn in bad weather.”
Yellow- DREAM IS LITERALLY GEORGES YELLOW SHUT UP RIGHT NOW. “Look at the stars, look how they shine for you.” “For you I’d bleed myself dry.”
Like you do- first of all I love this song, second, this has dream being a little too attached vibes. The whole song is just them. “Lost in the blue, they don’t love me like you do, those chills that I knew they were nothing without you, and everyone else they don’t matter now. You’re the one I can’t lose, no one loves me like you do.” “Since I met you, all the gloomy days just seem to shine a little more brightly.”
I saw you in a dream- mega heatwaves vibe. “When I’m awake I can’t switch off,” “I saw you in a dream, you came to me. You were the sweetest apparition, such a pretty vision.”
Maybe you’re the reason- did someone say pining best friend who doesn’t know that they’re in love ? this song. this song right here. “I keep looking for something, even though I know that it’s not there. Maybe you’re the reason. And anytime I try to figure it out, you’re the only thing I can think about.”
The king- DREAM SMP VIBE. “You like me, well obviously, so why you tryna leave when you know that I’m the king?” “Other lovers give you no luck, cuz I’m the only one who’s made you fall in love.” “Playing with your heart cuz you gave me the throne.”
Sweet- an adorable song truly that actually fits them so well. “Watching the, video that you sent me- you know that I’m obsessed with your body, but it’s the way you smile that does it for me.” “It’s so sweet, knowing that you love me.”
Apocalypse- um okay here me out, apocalypse au?? yeah i know it’s cute as shit you’re welcome. “Your lips my lips, apocalypse.” “When you’re all alone, I will reach for you, when you’re feeling low, I will be there too.”
Fear of the Water- don’t come for me this ones kinda sad, beautiful song though. “If this was meant for me why does it hurt so much, and if you’re not made for me why did we fall in love?”
Dreaming of you- two words, heat. waves. but also yeah good song for them in general. “Want you all the time, and now I’m dreaming, dreaming, dreaming, dreaming of you.”
Wires- uhhhhh dream smp vibe, dream villain arc n all . “If he said help me kill the president, id say he needs medicine.” “He said that I should take it in, listen to every word he’s speaking.”
Midnight love- it’s girl in love so, you already know how it issss. “I know I don’t want to, be the one that you run to, when you’ve got nowhere else to go, when you need some love.” “I always give in to give you it all.” “I can’t be your midnight love, when your silver is my gold.”
The beach- SUCH A HEATWAVES SONG JUST LISTEN. “I feel it burning me, I feel it burning you.” “I think I can see the beach, I know what’s underneath. I need you here with me,”
Cherry flavored- the neighborhood just.. they have a dnf vibe. “Cherry flavored conversations with you got me hanging on. Down to earth from all the waiting. Take me somewhere beyond.”
Pretty boy- geogre is a pretty boy. point blank period. “Even if my heart stops beating, you’re the only thing I need with me.” “Pretty boy, you did this with me boy.” “As long as I got you, I’m gonna be alright.”
Bad idea- girl in reddd... but like imagine them casually hooking up and not knowing their in love tho. also I feel like they would definitely think that their relationship is a “bad idea” bc they’re stupid. “It was a bad idea, to think I could stop, was such a bad idea, I can’t get enough.” “Darling your so pretty it hurts.”
Line without a hook- ICONIC!! dream definitely does not think that he deserves george. “You can hold my hand if no ones home.” “All my emotions feel like explosions when you are around” “Oh baby I am a wreck without you.” “She’s a, she’s a lady, and I am just a boy. She’s a, she’s a lady, and I am just a line without a hook.”
Say you hate me- mega dream smp vibes as of recently. with the whole removing geogre as king. “I guess that your friends where right, from the start when they thought that I was a bad guy.” “Can you just say that you hate me? Or that you will never love me?” “Never meant to make you leave, never meant to make you cry.”
Cherry bomb- reminds me of how dream cheated on fundy with geogre. “I’m too close to crushing, and I’m too close for comfort I’m rushing.” “I ask how shes so mellow, she tells me her shades are in yellow.”
This side of paradise- I mean, like, kinda heatwaves vibes, but also just them. “Ask me why my hearts inside my throat. I’ve never been in love I’ve been alone.” “If you’re lonley come be lonley with me.”
Linger- geogre literally has that boy wrapped around his finger and I can’t not see it in this song. But when you look into it HELLA dream smp vibes, lyrics can be switched for either perspective here. “You know I’m such a fool for you, you got me wrapped around your finger.” “I thought the world of you, I thought nothing could go wrong, but I was wrong,”
august- i don’t know what is but this song is for them. it just is. “To live for the hope of it all. Cancel plans just in case you'd call” “So much for summer love, and saying “Us” Cause you weren't mine to lose”
I was an island- i just love the idea of them being hardasses and not thinking they need anyone until the other comes into their life and rocks their world. kinda dream smp vibes “I was a fighter, and I was so brave, but I lowered my sword when you held me and swore you’d stay.” “I was a wolf, dear, apart from the pac But you answered my cries in the dead of the night and told me that you had my back,”
Golden- k this one feeds into the “you’re literally the sun in my sky I’m not worthy” feel “I know you were way too bright for me I'm hopeless, broken” “I know that you're scared Because hearts get broken” “I can feel you take control Of who I am and all I've ever known Loving you's the antidote”
Strong- ummm okay but the “we’re better together” dynamic is them “I’m sorry if I say I need ya, but I don’t care I’m not scared of love.” “when I’m not with you I’m weaker is that so wrong? Is it so wrong, that you make me strong.”
Fly out west- the whole, I need to see you, you’re all I think about, stuff gets me. also heatwaves vibe. “Well tell me do you know? You’re all I dream about. Take it from me I’m too dumb to recognize your doubt.”
Cruel summer- them and summer, you dig? “I don’t wanna keep secrets just to keep you.” “I love you and that the worst thing you ever heard?”
Nothings gonna hurt you baby- I put this one on here because of how protective dream is over geogre “Nothing’s gonna hurt you baby, as long as your with me you’ll be just fine. Nothings gonna hurt you baby, nothings gonna take you from my side.”
Cardigan- young love, the kind of lover that makes you feel like you are the most important thing in the world to them “when you are young they assume you know nothing, but I knew you-“ “and when I felt like I was an old cardigan under someone’s bed, you put me on and said I was your favorite.”
Cry baby- them being in that weird stage where they recognize that it might be more than just senseless flirting and they might have feelings but also being paranoid that they’re the only one with feelings uh- “I can taste it my hearts breaking, please don’t say it. That you know, when you know.” “I know I’ll fall in love with you baby, but that’s not what I wanna do baby.”
Speak now- literally the fundy dream wedding. i rest my case. “I hear the preacher say speak no or forever hold your peace.” “Dont say yes runaway now.”
I love you so- this song is cute on the surface but kinda sad once you look into it. it’s kinda about a codependent love that isn’t going well. “I gotta get away and let you go I gotta get over, but I love you so.” “You were cool and I’m a fool so please let me go.”
In conclusion I’d really appreciate if you could check it out :) <3
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xenia-cenia · 3 years
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hiiii 💕 may i request domestic hcs with chuuya and dazai with a clingy s/o? thank you 💞💞💞
A/N-i like doing these theyre cute :)
sorry for taking forever! some irl things came up
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-writing for chuuya is hard bc all the gifs of him are so cool
-so im using dog chuuya for this one
-moving on
-chuuya does not put any thought before asking you to move in with him
-you mentioned it once in passing and he responded with 'yeah, why the hell not?'
-as stated before his house is filled with dog pictures
-he LOVES cooking
-do not get in his way while he cooks
-itll just be a mess for everyone involved
-if you want a cutesy-fun couple activity hes much more fond of walks in the park
-in fact he likes to go on at least one long walk every week
-and hes always delighted when you tag along
-if you get tired and cant finish the walk dont worry he'll just use his ability and carry you back home
-also enjoys going shopping with you
-he knows the ins and outs of every current fashion trend and will happily help you pick clothes out
-be warned though he likes to only buy the most expensive stuff
-he personally has no plans to get married
-deep inside the fear that hes not 'human' enough lingers
-however if one day years into your relationship you were on a night walk and turned to look at him
-the wind softly rustling your clothes and the streetlamps reflecting in your eyes
-(oh your eyes. he always feels painfully human when he looks into those eyes of yours)
-he'll take a deep breath
-and give into his impulses once again
-"lets get married."
-he says it so casually you barely notice
-but when he says it again it sticks in your head
-you laughed
-(why was his heart beating so fast? did your laugh always do this to him?)
-and kissed his cheek
-"id love to, chuuya."
-his knees shook as you spoke those words
-he smiled and didnt notice his ability start until the two of you were above the trees and you gripped onto his shirt
-"chuu!" you had exclaimed
-but nothing was phazing him
-it was the happiest he had ever been in his life
-well
-the second happiest
-as your hands folded into his
-and the expensive suit he was wearing felt 1 million degrees
-he was shaking
-had he ever shaken this hard before?
-and you noticed his fear
-(you always could read him better than he could read himself)
-and all at once the world melted away
-there was only pure bliss
-"to the person who makes me feel truly human" he had added to his vows "i promise to protect you for the rest of our lives"
-"to the person who hangs dog pictures on our ceiling," (he had laughed nervously. he didnt know you saw those) "i promise to protect and care for you the rest of our lives"
-thats when chuuya cried
-he kissed you as hard as he could
-tears burning his eyes as he pulled away for air
-"i love you." chuuya whispered and he knew that this
-this would be the happiest moment of his life
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-he LOVES clingy people
-once you move in with him (or him with you. He doesn’t mind either way) he finds himself falling much further in love then he thought possible
-want cuddles?
-god yes
-reading together with his head on your lap?
-please play with his hair
-he’s also a terrible cook
-terrible awful cook
-if you enjoy cooking you’ll need to forcibly keep him out of the kitchen to stop him from ruining your meal
-if you just want to have fun and make a mess?
-he’s your guy
-“belladonna! Look! The eggs stick to the ceiling!”
“Osamu no”
-like Chuuya he enjoys talking walks
-his walks are  much less peaceful however
-he likes to talk about whatever’s on his mind as he walks
-though frankly he enjoys listening to you blabber much more
-insists on movie date nights
-he picks the movie one week and you pick the movie the next week and so on and so forth
-his movies are typically tragic love stories
-you asked him why one day and all he did was smile and shake his head
-“there are some secrets I’d rather keep, Belladonna.”
-eventually you wrote it off as another mystery about Dazai Osamu
-it takes a long time before he lets you change his bandages
-the entire time hes smiling sadly and refusing to make eye contact
-(your fingers are so smooth compared to his. he’ll never forget the feeling of your fingers tracing the new bandages, making sure they fit right)
-now unlike Chuuya he has put a lot of thought into marriage
-he’s fantasized about it for years but always wrote it off as a pipe dream
-though his dream marriage isn’t really anything official
-he thinks ‘love’ is something that you can’t put on display or into a certificate
-when the two of you get serious he’s very clear about this dream of his
-to his surpise (and joy!) you smiled and kissed his cheek telling him you’re okay with that
-if you want a big wedding dazai will compromise for two weddings
-one thats incredibly low effort, just the two of you drinking wine and getting lost
-and the other thats everything youve ever dreamed of
-in fact during his vows for the ‘second’ wedding he’ll grab your hands and look out towards the audience
-”they told me if you love them so much, i should just marry them. so i did! twice.”
-about half a year after the wedding the two of you were lying in bed
-you were half-asleep and dazai smiled softly
-”belladonna, did i ever answer your question?”
-”wha?”
-”i watched them so often because i wanted to remind myself that we’d have a happy ending.”
-you looked at him through sleepy eyes, confusion lacing your expression as he kissed your forehead
-”osamu...”
-”sleep, belladonna. i’ll remind you in the morning.”
-and as you quickly drifted off to sleep he finally felt the stress in his shoulders dissolve
-”a happy ending...” he muttered to himself
-(though, he feels any ending that includes you loving him was the happiest ending he could get)
-he went further into the sheets and let his eyes close
-maybe... maybe he’ll get the story he never thought he deserved
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ushiwakaout · 4 years
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parings: Ushijima x reader , Iwaizumi x reader and Sakusa x reader 
warnings: NSFW (under the black lines) daddy kink w hajime, Timeskip Haikyuu. language? jealousy? fannon sakusa? anal w sakusa. bad grammar :)
a/n: as a compressed woman myself, i don’t think there is enough compressed content out there, or maybe i haven’t found any. 
Ushijima Wakatoshi
this man LOVES you, you cannot put it into words
let’s start with being in public 
he isn’t touchy feely with you in public, never. he think it looks bad and does’t wanna make you uncomfy
does hold your hand... kind of. You def. have smaller hands than he does so you grab his pinky most of the time, he thinks its really damn cute.
leaned down to kiss your forehead.
if you’re ever out to go eat at like a stand or sum, he sits down and he’s basically looking at you or at your chest depending on the chair.
ONLY PDA THING HE WILL DO ONCE IN A WHILE IS LEAN HIS HEAD ON YOUR CHEST AND PUT HIS HANDS ON YOUR BUTT IF HES FEELING ADVENTUROUS.
i know id love this- HIM LOOKING UP AT YOU AND ASKING FOR PERMISSION TO LIKE CARESS YOUR LOVE HANDLES OR HIPS BC UR SO THICC AND HE FUCKING LOVES EVERY SINGLE INCH *sigh* im touch starved
When it comes to being at home, he’s legit the most handsiest airhead in the freaking world
He could be laying on the couch, he makes you sit on his lap and your like “mmm, no” but he reminds you that he’s legit full nelsoned your ass while standing in front of a mirror and you like “..... y-you don’t need to remind me!!!” so you sit on his lap
y’all start talking and he’s like really distracted with you chest, doesn’t matter the size he just want his hand on your boobs.
very touchy man in private, this man was touch starved until you came in and now he can get enough.
“Toshi? What are you doing?”
Hes caressing your boobies and he just smiles like the big dumb idiot he is and whispers something about being in love with your chest and he sits up a lil and just shoves his face in ur tits, like not even in a sexual way.
let’s also add a lil nsfw in this fluff
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when you guys first did the deed you hesitated in taking of your clothes, you did not want him to see you naked, not yet at least. he didn’t mind at, but he made you wear his shirt.
you kissed him and changed in the bathroom and when you came out wearing his shirt like a dress, he got embarrassingly hard 
that day he realized that his favorite position w you (only when you wear his shirts) is doggy style bc he’d ruin all his shirts and ball up the hem of it to pull you so deep into his cock and holy shit he’s never felt so much euphoria
he’s got you screaming his name, drooling over the bed sheets, covering his cock with your orgasm. god he loves the sight of your body giving out due to multiple orgasms.
also loves eating you out, wow
he’s told you that he’d be happy if he suffocated in-between your thighs
you had to let out a giggle but like it turned into a moan
cocky bastard
loves leaving marks on you, there’s so much skin to cover, and he wants to do it all.
Iwaizumi Hajime
I 100% believe that this boys mother is compressed as well and you cannot tell me otherwise
loves public pda especially at night
has to be touching you in some way shape or form
either holds your hand, your waist or your ass, just depends how you’re feeling and how he’s feeling
kisses your hand or the crown on your head
say if your ever standing in line and your in front of him, he will lean his head down and put his chin on top of your head
slaps your ass when he think no one is looking BUT SOMEONE IS ALWAYS LOOKING and he just makes you really embarrassed
i think he’s definitely an ass guy so he pinches your butt a lot
when he went to Irvine in Cali, he just had to take you with him, he couldn’t just leave his baby all alone without him.
you guys had a free day so y’all went to laguna beach, lucky it wasn’t as packed as it usually was or so you heard
at this point iwaizumi has given you enough confidence to wear a two piece, (obviously high waisted)  
half the time at the beach you felt like he wanted to bark at the guys who stared at your ass while you sun bathed.
he’d bother you a lot for kisses and low key make out sessions
and let me tell you when he pulled away from the kiss and saw how plum and fucking red your lips where, he was hard, he’s never wanted you to wrap you mouth around his cock so bad
he calmed down for a bit, went into the water and cooled down, while you still laid on you belly enjoying the sun
at some point he was the one sunbathing and you where in the water
and now he believes that he picked the wrong pair of short to wear bc he got hard while watching you walk back to your spot, water just dripping down every curve and in every crook of your body
“We’re going back to the hotel now.”
you don’t complain, it’s not like you didn’t fucking notice how hard his cock was, it made your mouth drool
god getting to the hotel, he wasted no time at all what so ever.
kissed you all around, you skin tasted salty and fresh on his tongue
you broke the kiss to tell him that you guys should probably get into the shower or sand will be everywhere. 
SHOWER SEX
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Hajime has a love/hate relationship with shower sex but today he didn’t care, he just pounded into your pussy like it was the last time he’d ever feel you
He loves pulling your body, you back close this his chest while he’s ramming into you, whispering the naughtiest things in your ears.
it either “you’re so tight, fuck, you’re twitching. Does it feel that good, hm? You’re pussy wrapped around my cock, taking me in so well. You love this don’t you, filthy little thing you are.”
he also likes teasing you, god he loves just holding your hips just to fuck you so slowly, edging you. “Are you gonna be a good girl and cum on my cock? You’re gonna be daddy’s good girl and cum all over my cock, right?” 
he’s such an asshole, i need to stop writing bc i legit wont stop. i love hajime so much omfg
Sakusa Kiyoomi
Oh boy Sakusa is def hard to write about, but i love him so ill do it
I think is he dated a compressed reader, he’d def tease them about their height, never their weight
Although he’s always been iffy about touching, there’s just something about you
he always has to be touching you somehow
his teammates at MSBY are really surprised to figure out that he has an S/O and that he lives and breathes the same air as their Oomi
They are really surprised when you come one day after practice and he doesn’t immediately go to the showers, go goes straight to kiss you just to say a quick hello and then he rushes into the shower. 
Atsumu’s like, “how you do dat?” you shrug it off bc you have no idea either bc ever since you’ve started dating he gets a lot more comfortable with you
his teammates love you by the way especially bokuto and hinata (ima say u used to be karasunos co manager w yachi)
thicc boys and girls hang together
anytime bokuto tries hugging you, you’re ready to accept him with open arms but Oomi is just like NO. BIG NO
Pouty boy sakusa doesn’t want bo accidentally feeling you up bc thats his job
Obviously atsumu is the comic meme where it’s like “are you sakusa’s new girlfriend! Dude! He told me you were hot but i didn’t believe him, bc like have you seen him? out of his league. Like, btw, fuck him, dude. Lets elope- I AIN’T DOIN NOTHIN!”  atsumu thinks you’re hot always flirts w/ you bc he low key has a thing for thicc girls (probably gonna write something about that bc i know for a fact people believe that he’d call a big girl “pig” but i think he’d be the type of asshole to hide the fact that he’s dating you bc he’s called people pigs and what not but during his time at MSBY bokuto def. rubbed of on him.
atsumu high key doesn’t remember you but YOU DEF REMEMBER HIM
you bumped into him while refilling waters and he’s like “watch it pig”
sakusa heard what you said and atsumus like “oh shit....”
you can’t tell me sakusa did not grad his usual cute scarf and try to suffocate him with it bc he insulted his s/o before he was their s/o
“we barely knew each other then stop trying to kill him Oomi!”
high key sakusa saw you that day and was like wow.
you can out of the bathroom with ur cute hand towel and hand sanitizer, you were low key sick but didn’t wanna put anyone at risk so u had a mask on too
you caught his looking and you just waved, you don’t really remember that day but he def does bc he fell i love with u then and there
his cousin had to drag him away from following you down the hall and ask what was you cleaning regimen bc he knew id freak u out a lil but it really wouldn’t have.
sukusa is only public handsy if he’s tipsy or when he’s at home w you and the three boys (atsumu, bokuto and hinata) he says he hates them but he doesn’t and you know that bc he wouldn’t let them into their house if he did
they WILL NOT LEAVE IF THE MISS THE TRAIN OR ARE TOO DRUNK TO WALK YOU FORCE OOMI TO LET THEM SLEEP OVER
You’re like covering them with blankets any everything and lightly waking them up to put a pillow under their head, hinata low key starts crying bc he says you’re so sweet and that oomi should be feel so lucky that he’s got someone like you
okay hinata almost makes you cry but u like just boop his nose and giggle it off 
while you’re covering up atsumu, he starts flirting with you and u just laugh but tell me why sakusa will come behind you and just wrap his arms around you, puts his chin on your shoulder and glares at him
basically saying “leave my woman alone.” 
atsumu is high key (even if sakusa doesnt realize but you do) enticing sakusa so you can get a good fuck tonight bc he feels a lil bad for intruding.
TELL ME WHY IT WORKS THO
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Sakusa will like drag you to bed, tease you. tie your hand behind your back so you can’t touch him and all you can do is watch him strip for you
god his body is sculpted by Himeros himself because his body is so damn sexy 
after hes down to his boxers he covers your eyes with a cloth and he gives you a good face fucking,
you cannot tell me that he doesn’t get so fucking hard after taking off the cloth and seeing how red a watery your eyes are
also this motherfucker is so dirty in bed i’m sorry (cannon him will not touch u tho like mmm sakusa cannon is a pillow prince, its still hot, def will write about it soon)
he would lick up you salty tears, and kiss your plump lips after he made you swallow his cum
he fucks you in front of the mirror that day but not on the bed
he makes you lean into your vanity so you can see up close how much of a drooling and crying mess me make you
you’re gipping onto the vanity and you’re on your fucking tippy toes, you’re twitching and so close to breaking the fucking vanity bc this isn’t your first orgasm, its probably the third or fourth
he’s covering your mouth with one hand and the other on your hip for grip as he pounds you
he might stick a finger or two in your mouth 
OH GOD I JUST THOUGHT- I JUST THOUGHT OF HIM LIKE spreading your ass too see how much you’ve cummed on his cock and he get’s the sudden urge to put this thumb in you ass, so he just runs his thumb around and it surprises you but he sees how you just tightened around his cock
he gives you a cocky look and just leans into your ear AND WHISPERS SO MANY DIRTY FUCKING THINGS WHILE NIBBLING AND LICKING YOUR EAR
“You’re such a dirty whore baby, I haven’t even put it in and you just tightened around me so good. I think- god you feel so tight... I think you might just cum from slipping my thumb into that cute ass of yours”
FILTHY , SAKUSA IS A FILTHY WHORE AND ITS FUCKING HOT
a/n: i wrote too much for sakusa when i was like wtf am i gonna write AND I ENDED UP WRITING THE MOST FOR HIM JFSIBFBSDFSKFHS IM NOT SURPRISED do i smell favoritism? yes. i’m not ashamed. 
375 notes · View notes
cas-rivaille · 3 years
Text
@reinertiddiejuice
hi there! i saw your matchups were open and i couldn't stop myself </3 so i'd like an aot matchup!!
before i start i want to say thank you for doing these matchups :( even though theyre literally matchups with people who dont exist 💔💔  they comfort us so much so thank you for taking the time to do this and i hope you have a wonderful day :D
now hi! im katie! or katherine, (literally no one has ever used that though), i'm straight, afab, and use she/her pronouns. i'm 5'2, have shoulder length dark brown hair with face framing pieces in the front. basically a wolfcut but more with a more 70s feel, i have an overbite and a slight tooth gap which means i can never fully close my mouth </3. i have dark brown cat eyes, tan skin, and plump lips. the best way to describe my style is a tamer phoebe buffay! eccentric!
my mbti is enfp-t, my enneagram is 7w8 and my big 3 are libra sun, gemini moon, and sagittarius rising!
as for my personality i'm a generally upbeat and giddy person! with people im not that close to im usually laid-back but with people i know i can get really loud and just really let loose! i LOVE using cursing at people im close to. its a form of endearment for me. dont ask me why i dont know either but i just know that i feel safe around someone when i start cursing at them. im a scatterbrain like ive rewritten this so many times just so everything is easier for you to read RIPPP i get insecure at times and im kinda stubborn too its hard for me to get out of that mindset without someone realllyyy pushing me to do better dont ask me how im getting over it now...im not. which is why id like someone who is patient with me </3 and doesnt get mad at why am feeling a certain way. but id like to say im optimistic cause even though im feeling bad, i know in the future ill get better, i just have to work through this.
now im an artistic and expressive person. i love singing and acting! especially with acting, for some reason, pretending to be someone else grounds me in a way? i have no idea how to explain it but after ive finished a monologue, i always feel so calm and so in tune with myself. i also LOVE getting to know peoples little quirks and interests. no matter how "weird" they deem it (within reasoning ofc) i love getting to know what makes people happy! i also get really excited over little things. both literally and figuratively. i love tiny objects which is why the secret world of arriety is my fave studio ghibli movie hAHAHA theyre just so cute and tiny :( and the way you have to handle each item with such care because theyre so small just warms my heart. i also want a ferret. like as a pet. theyre literally the perfect animal theyre so small but theyre energetic MANNNN THATS ALL I WANT THEYD BE SO MUCH FUN TO PLAY WITH. i also adore handmade items. whatever it is, from a cake to a stuffed animal, i love handmade things cause you can see the love and care they put into making it. it doesn't have to be perfect, hell it's better if it isnt because you can see the humanity in the item, you can see that a human being actually made this and it rly does warm my heart :(( 
now for relationships, its the little things that matter the most to me. if they remembered a small detail i told them, or if they make sure to do something because they know i'll like it, it's just the small details that get me because that means they're really listening and really do care about me.more often than not you'll find me spaced out and find that ive slipped into my imagination again. i do love my little world of scenarios ive created in my head but thats cause i like it more than the present but i know i only do that cause i dont have someone who im reallllyyy close to and someone who i can talk to and be present with so i think once i get into a relationship ill want to spend most of my time with them because they make the present a little more bareable :)
i hope that was enough info for you to work with!! pls take your time!! i'm not in a rush but also if you don't want to do it that's fine :D i wish you the best <3
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HI OMG THANK YOU FOR THE REQUEST !! ITS MY FIRST AOT ONE I HOPE YOU LIKE IT !!
also this is my first time responding to a submission i hope i did it right !!
on another quick note, i love doing requests n matchups n hcs so feel free to ask anytime !! also i totally agree ik me personally i always love fictional character stuff and when i get matchups that i asked my serotonin goes NYOOM
okay so i'm assuming you won't hate me because based off your username i don't think you will, but i got SERIOUS reiner vibes from you. and here's why:
- ik you said you like small things and this totally counteracts it bc reiner is just huge in every aspect,, but like you'd be the small one now and idk i feel like the size difference is s o cute
- reiner loves that you let loose around him and as much as he's a kind loving doting himbo when it comes to you, he would so be down to have a roast war
- HE THINKS YOUR TOOTH GAP IS SO CUTE AHAJSHSHS
- knows you can be scatter brained so he leaves you little notes in places you'll find them and sometimes it's just like "remember to drink water :)"
- he would get you a ferret and the two of you would name it together🥺
- reiner knows you like handmade stuff and he would literally take EVERY opportunity to do smth for you
- hungry ? suddenly he's made your favorite food. tired ? oh look at that there's a knitted blanket on your bed with your name on it that reiner started making whenever you left because he took it up as a hobby and wanted to make you smth
- MUSIC DATES
- everything from playlists to singing and dancing in your room
- if you need an acting buddy, you got one, it's reiner
- PLEASE GIVE HIM CUDDLES HE WOULD BE SO HAPPY TO BE SNUGGLY W YOU
- mmm falling asleep on his chest
- if you spaced out w him he'd let you be in your world or he'd smile and hold hands w you to bring you back :)
- he's such a good listener and is v patient w you
- overall, giant good boi and smol energetic bean duo
- he loves you sm
a/n: I HOPE I DID A GOOD JOB AND I HOPE YOU LIKE IT ITS MY FIRST AOT REQUEST BUT I HOPE I GET MORE AND HAVE A GOOD DAY/NIGHT AND REMEMBER TO DRINK WATER <3
- cas :)
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survivormetaverse · 3 years
Text
Episode 1 - "I know the game will pick up eventually" ~Shaad
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chile lemme not get thrown out for making all these stan twitter bitch references I'M LICHERALLY HARMLESS I DON'T MEAN MOST OF WHAT I SAY DKJFHASJKLDG
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ngl tho i'm kinda shitting myself over these challenges bc i don't wanna get tossed on the first round JKAHFSJKDGHJ my ant eye et tea is through the ROOF
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oh girl, first impressions? ngl, the gays and girls here seem quite lovely, hopefully they won't have to carry me the entire time LMAO
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Okay like the only person I like/talked to is Jodi but she seems like a smart cookie so ima sleep with one eye open. But idk I'm ready to put on my fake ass smile and my fake ass kind words and get through this part. It's interesting with 6 people per tribe like if we lose I don't have that solid "core" yet but theres a chance that it would be me, jodi, amy because we were the first three on and active so idk. the immunity challenge is cool, the hunt challenge is cool too. im not good at timed puzzles, so I don't think I'm gonna go for it but a part of me feels like everyone across the tribes isnt gonna do it becsuse theyre scared so thats a good opportunity to sneak in and play with less people against me? idk idk idk ahhh
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🎶Oh my god we're back again🎶 Hey peeps!! :DDD Here I am againnnn, how fun! Tbh I forgot this was today lowkey and Dylan reminded me and I was like oop 😳 also I am so sorry to everyone that I cannot help but sprinkle the fact that we are now dating in all of my first convos bc IM VERY GAY apologies✨ for how often I'm mentioning it I mean 😂 My tribemates seems so cool, Jennifer and Babs are newbies but seem up to the challenge, Jay A and Colin already giving off immaculate vibes✨ Me and Dyl are hosting Ingary in a month and I do have like work and everything so I don't know exaclty how active I'll be in this game/ how far I'll make it but we'll see won't we!!
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not me being a leader of whateva
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it's the lack of reading comprehension for me (that was shade directed towards myself)
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In the fools tribe !!! Moth is in my tribe which is good because we have played together before. The immunity challenge is divide and conquer! So I believe I will be doing the endurance one. I think I’ll be okay... and the hunt announcement is a good twist !!! I’m not sure if I’ll participate in the first one.. but I’ll probably change my mind. ANYWAYS, I’m ready to kick some ass 
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Hey guys it's me Brayden and I am so here. I'm so excited to be playing again and stuff and I have already predicted the future that I'll be the winner. Anyways I was at an award ceremony for like the first 3 hours of the game which is kind of scary bc I feel like I missed alot but I'm trying to talk to people and stuff and see what's going on. I've briefly talked to Jodi, Amy, and Ginnifer (who is so hard to talk to btw I like send her messages trying to start a real conversation and she will just respond being like same or something). Anyways the other 2 people on my tribe are offline rn so ig I missed my chance to talk to them tonight so I'll do that tomorrow. Anyways I signed up to do counting and I'm so excited bc I literally KILLED the counting challenge on Kyoshi Islands so I'm so excited to hopefully kill it again. I also decided to play the hunt challenge even though I only have 3 chances bc I'm hoping alot of people will be scared to use one of their three chances to play in the first round and I can have a better chance of winning it. But I think I'm bad at puzzles. I didn't think it through that hard I think I got excited to play a challenge but whatever I'll probably win the advantage then in a few weeks win the whole game anyways see u later.
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SO its the morning after the premiere!! Everyone's settled in!! and I kinda don't know how to feel?? Overall the premiere was kinda quiet, nothing happened worth noting tbh. Everyone on the tribe showed up, so thats good, but i think we're all just feeling each other out at the moment as for the people on my tribe! everyone seems chill but also i can't put my finger on it but SOMEHOW this tribe radiates chaotic energy. I don't know HOW or WHY but I just know it DOES. The way we're interacting in the tribe chat it seems like there's a very wide range of personalities and vibes. They're either gonna complement each other or clash, and I guess we're just gonna have to wait to find out which one!!! here are my quick night 1 first impressions that no one asked for :) Anastasia - she showed up kinda late bc she had life happening, understandable. BUT she kinda just jumped right in and started vibing with everyone!! so I think she's gonna be a strong social player. I talked to her and she seems really funny, I think I might really get close with her if I'm able to talk to her more Babs - IF our tribe does end up being chaotic, it's going to be because of Babs. They're definitely the most talkative and prominent person on the tribe, but I think they might come off as messy to others. they're really funny though!! so again I can see myself wanting to work with them if I can get to know them more. They are the biggest question mark on the tribe for me currently Elle - AH. I LOVE THEM ALREADY. Within minutes of us talking they mentioned Dylan and then I found out that they're DATING and I was SCREECHING. cutest shit i've ever heard. I'm so excited to meet and play with them. Dylan is one of my fave people in the org community so ofc I wanna get to know Elle and connect with them as well!! Jay - I think Jay seems like just a very genuine open person?? Like we talked for quite a while yesterday just about games and he was asking me questions about my experience with them and all that. idk if it's because he sees me as a threat or if its because he just actually wanted to get to know me. He lowkey gives me heterosexual vibes and idk if thats true or not but idk how to bring it up. but I def wanna keep talking to him and getting to know him!! I think he might be someone I can form a genuine friendship with Jennifer - kinda have no opinion so far. I think shes the quietest on the tribe. at least for me I didn't get the chance to hear from her much. kinda gives catfish vibes. kinda gives early boot vibes. idk. we'll see what happens!
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Not too much yet tbh. Just finding my footing. People are loving my energy so hopefully they’ll keep me around
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So i realized Amy is runner up from the season before mine in another org and so we connected over that... of course we are not going to tell anyone else but we did have that going for us to get started. brayden is only 16 but he told me he loves magic and wanted to learn more about it so i told him id teach him some stuff! dennis and i called and connected well BUT hes kinda playing SUPER hard and wanting to throw challenges already to vote people out.. this has never worked out for anybody!! josh is cool, he works at a grocery store so he's gonna kill the "b" challenge. ginnifer has been the most MIA but i have faith that we'll work together well for the popularity contest. yall know i cant play the reverse flirt game i so badly want to coin, but i do have romance tea for yall tomorrow. stay tuned........
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Jay and I talked last night so i guess we're best friends. We decided to make an alliance and try to get Elle in it. But everyone has been pretty inactive besides Jay and Collin. I've only slightly talked to Jessica this whole game and Babs hasn't even said one thing to me and I texted them hi. And apperently Babs has left Jay on opened too so they might just suck at talking right now. Hopefully Babs will talk to me they seem so funny and cool D:
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I won endurance 👑!!!! Hopefully the fools tribe wins this!!!! I played against Jennifer and Dennis. I could see myself playing with Dennis down the line if we merge. I haven’t talked to anyone but Moth. So I messaged my whole tribe Introducing myself. Hopefully things work out for me! 
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Thoughts after the first 24hrs: https://youtu.be/I62bDSzgf68
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You hear something ??? Same. Why is my tribe so quiet 😂😂😂😂 I’m trying to read off the vibes but I see nothing. 
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I really love my tribe and the fact that they don’t know I played last season is a good strategy to play on my end
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tbh i wish we lost i wanted to go to tribal and vote one of these people out :(
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Welp we got second place in the first challenge :| which isn't bad!! But it's not first place 😂😂. But I had a fun day taking pictures so whateverssss. I said I would be chaotic in this game but the opportunity hasn't presented itself yet... Guess we'll have to wait and see✨
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I think at this point, my team is shady and won't say anything to me so I am nervous.
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The challenges were way harder than I thought. I didn't do well at all and let my tribe down. I feel like I will be the first to get voted out if we have a tribal hearing.
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We lost yay. I had a feeling. Hopefully the tribe will keep me around for now since I won endurance.... lhsisowjshwowpwpwheowowhfiwpqpqpjw. Jared thinks we can vote Bri out. Which I’m fine with, I haven’t really talked to her at all. Jared and I are going to message the others and see where everyone’s head is at. Honestly I don’t care who goes home as long as I’m safe. Everyone is quiet which is so annoying. Blahhhhhhhhhh 
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Well it’s my 3rd time playing and it’s not off to the best start, no one seems to be talking to anyone. And we lost meaning we are going to tribal council. So fuck- I have no idea what about to happen. I’m just hoping it’s not me or Jess
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if i must confess, my strategy is to have a 4-3-2 alliance. i need a 4 to have a majority, but i dont have a 4 yet. within the 4, theres a three person alliance w me jodi and amy, but within that three i believe that the core 2 is myself and jodi. i really dont care who the 4th is. i like having jodi and amy as an alliance because theyre both doing wayy too much which is great for me :) i dont think any of these people have idols but who knows. i would love to throw the next immunity i wanna go to tribal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Looks like we’ve got something good. We’ve got an alliance that’s set to (hopefully) vote out bri due to inactivity. Let’s just pray it works
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Trying to talk in this tribe is so difficult In both my other seasons I was pretty quiet all the time It is like that x10000 I was hoping to stay under the radar but that doesn’t work if no one talks at all I suppose it depends on if I’m being played or if everyone just doesn’t talk. I think there’s a plan. Let’s hope it goes well 
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OKAY SO. Moth, Jared and I have a little alliance going on. We are set on voting out Bri. I just talked to Danny and Shaad and they are down with voting Bri out. I have high hopes that I’ll be safe at tribal. 
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Better communication.. in sticking with that fact, our communication in my team could be better and we need to put more effort into what we do, I believe in us!
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https://youtu.be/595h7hmL6VY
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The start to this game has been a freaking snails pace...it’s unbelievable to me that these people do not want to talk that much, especially when it’s a tribe of 6. Colin and I talk the most, I’ve gotten a decent amount out of Anastasia, and to me it feels like those 2 wants to work with me and I am fine with working with them. Usually in a larger group you want to figure out who you can work with long term and use the first few tribals to establish trust, I may throw that out the window since there’s only 5 other people on this tribe. My strategy needs to be who the hell can get me past these first few votes before a swap happens, and I feel like I can rely on Colin and Anastasia for that. I’d like to pull in Elle, because she’s the one who’s talked to me the most out of her, Babs, and Jennifer. Everyone seems nice, but it would be lovely if people would be more active. 
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I’m enjoying the fact our tribe won the first challenge everyone is very nice I love it :)
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This round has been pretty smooth sailing. I know the game will pick up eventually but for now, we are just going with the flow as a tribe
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https://youtu.be/UZVzZ6d6GRU
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ok so apparently ginnifer isn't famous. she's just a bit quiet and mysterious. ok with me, just gonna take a while because I'm a loud and outspoken person (and player). amy, dennis and I have an alliance called "fang gang" (it's really just 3 emojis of vampires) and we're going to run the premerge hopefully. I do like brayden a lot, and maybe I'll propose a 3 with him, amy and myself to have a solid 4 control the votes until a swap. round 1 not bad so far!
~~~
Edgics:
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Power Rankings:
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Phantom
Jodi: I believe Jodi is thriving on this tribe. She is very obviously a social player who picks up on the littlest details. I’m sure she can sniff out a plot if it comes down to it. However, Jodi is the plot. She is the leader of her tribe and is easily the most active person in the game at the moment. So long as she keeps a smile on her face and doesn’t overextend to do something messy, she will find that she will make it safely to merge. Allying with Amy could be dangerous however since Amy has stated she needs to be voted out before a certain date. This means that Jodi needs to socialize with other members of her tribe and get new allies before hers will inevitably be voted out of the game.
Amy: Even though she wants to get voted out, Amy has set herself up perfectly at Jodi’s side. She can take the heat off of herself using Jodi and is able to hide better than others. As always, her UTR game has come out to shine. She hasn’t had anyone call her out and even though Jodi has seen her play she is still able to gain her trust.
Josh: Doing so well in the challenge has earned Josh’s place here. He makes his worth known early and has a great personality as well. This makes him very safe for any early tribal councils as no one is going to want to take him out; they want him on their side. Similar to Amy, he just seems to be using an under the radar social game which he is executing well at the present moment. And, as the star of the challenge, he makes himself safe for future tribals before the swap. However, I do fear that this early impression of competition prowess will come back to haunt him if he makes it to the merge.
Dennis: I would put Dennis higher, but Jodi, his ally, already is suspicious of him. She seems to think of him as a bit of a sneak and, as the tribe leader, her opinions matter the most. It is good that he is able to be Jodi’s ally so she might stray away from voting him out. However, his desire to go to tribal and play the game so early may bite him in the butt later down the line. I can definitely see him being called out for trying to play too hard too fast. At the moment, he remains high because he seems to be decently social and no one except Jodi has sniffed him out.
Brayden: There’s not much to say on Brayden’s game. He doesn’t seem to have any allies, his challenge performance wasn’t as good as others on his tribe, and he is not in any alliances yet. This spells disaster for Brayden if his tribe goes to consecutive tribal councils. Additionally, even though he was one of the few to play in the Hunt, he didn’t win and wasn’t even close to doing so. He even gave up part way through to do the immunity challenge. I would be saving them if I were Brayden, but hindsight is 20/20. If Brayden can squeeze into being the fourth of the Jodi, Amy, Dennis alliance instead of Josh then maybe his game forecast will be better.
Ginnifer: The thing that lands Ginnifer on the bottom is that she said that her tribe could vote her out if they lost the challenge. This primes people to already be willing to get rid of her in this game. Additionally, some people have expressed difficulty with talking to Ginny such as Jodi and Amy. The former still wants to give Ginny a try at being an ally while the latter was ready to vote her out if necessary. Ginny just needs to pick up social steam and outperform in the next comp if she’s going to have longevity in this game.
Fools
Jessica: In lieu of a clear leader, Jessica has stepped up as she started the first alliance on her tribe with Moth and Jared. No doubt, Jessica’s prior relationship with Moth helped facilitate. Additionally, this seems to paint them as the “active” members of this not active tribe. Therefore, it will be very easy for Jessica to dictate votes without getting labelled as a threat since her tribe is not active enough to do so. I can definitely see her leaning on Moth as a crutch, but for now she is the topdog of her tribe. Especially so since she was the only member of her tribe to win a challenge in Divide and Conquer.
Moth: As Jessica’s right-hand person, Moth is a secure spot. It also helped that they have played this game before and is on a not active tribe. This vibes well with Moth’s gameplay style since they aren’t a social powerhouse like Jodi or Colin. Instead, she keeps it more lowkey which makes this tribe in particular a great tribe for her to thrive in.
Jared: While he hasn’t provided a confessional yet, it’s clear he’s positioned himself well with Moth and Jessica. As the topdogs of the tribe, they are key people to get in with. Besides that, he seems to be a little more active than some others, but there’s not much else to say as of right now.
Danny/Shaad: Him and Shaad can trade spots on this ranking because they are playing similar games at the moment. They are both quiet and inactive, yet are not part of the core alliance of this tribe. This could spell danger for them in upcoming tribal councils if they don’t start working on people now. They seem to be safe for now based solely on Bri’s inactivity, but, otherwise, they need to pick up their socio-strategic game before it is too late.
Bri: She seems to be the most likely person to get voted out. She was not online at all for the first two days of the game and has since remained inactive. She is easy pickings for the top 3 of this tribe which really hurts my heart. I know her in real life and she is very sociable and easy to get along with. I have no doubt that in a real life game of Survivor or Big Brother, she would kill the social game.
S.E.E.S.
Colin: Similar to Jodi, Colin is the most social person on his tribe at the moment. However, unlike Jodi, he has not taken a leader position which works to his benefit. Despite being social, Colin has been able to slip under the radar of most people with a lot of them wanting to work with him. Colin is easily going to survive until the swap, but I will caution him from getting too many allies too quickly. This tribe in particular has a wildcard willing to blow things like that up so he needs to be careful.
Elle: Similar to her previous games, Elle plays an extraordinary social game and becomes very well-liked very easily. They have no problem fitting into any situation and I foresee them making it far if they gain the right allies. What puts her at number 2 as opposed to number 1 is that she hasn’t made any strategic comments yet. Instead, she is focusing on a social game which is not a bad thing. Colin has just shown more of his gameplay in these rounds.
Anastasia: Anastasia, despite being late to the premiere, has been able to socialize with key people such as Colin and Jay. Her prior connection with Elle has also sparked an interest in Colin in working with the two of them as an alliance. Overall, her and Elle sort of share the 2 and 3 spot since they are both well-liked, did well in the challenge, and are prime allies for Colin whose word will feel like law if this tribe ever goes to tribal.
Jay: Jay is neither here nor there. He isn’t in the bottom, but he is not calling the shots either. It is good that Colin wants him as his number 1 and that Anastasia likes him. Out of the three outside of this potential Elle, Colin, Anastasia alliance, he seems like he will be most likely to be saved until a swap occurs. His calls with people have certainly been helping with that as people are able to bond more with him through there. His activity could use work, but he doesn’t need to be active if he’s liked.
Babs: With another Jodi comparison, Babs has taken the leadership position of their tribe. However, they are not as social and, in fact, considered a big threat since they are so willing to talk freely and openly in the tribe chat. Their gameplay is going to be Messy, and people have already pointed that out, making them a clear target if this tribe goes to tribal council. Despite that, they aren’t at the bottom since some people, like Colin, have expressed interest in working with that kind of player as a sort of shield. If Babs were to tone it down and be more social with people (another problem with their game), they may be able to crawl up these rankings.
Jennifer: Sadly I have to put another phonetic Jennifer at the bottom. She did the worst in the challenge across her tribe and isn’t active either. For this round, it seems she would be the easy vote if this tribe had gone to tribal. She needs to start being more social and be more of a presence in people’s minds.
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semiconducting · 3 years
Text
just reflecting on some personal growth stuff from last year !
im actually. genuinely okay. like i think im starting this year feeling okay! which is atypical. 
i think i can attribute it to the enormous amount of work id put into myself over the past year...i remember one year ago being extraordinarily depressed and really just. high strung? incredibly anxious but exhausted. and i fell down a descent slowly from not eating, to getting really irritable and not handling conflicts with friends well, to actively self harming again, to the point where i remembered sitting in a coffee shop with one of my friends and saying out loud that i need to go to therapy. and that i was going to talk to a mutual friend of ours about how the therapy services on campus are. which was a huge step for me! ive always had trust issues with therapy services since i was 12 for reasons i wont go into, but im sure you can gather the point of.
and then, literally the next day after saying that, got news about campus shutting down because of the virus.
and i made all of the effort possible to reach out to my friends and get things figured out to weather the storm because i KNEW shit was going to get bad if i didnt. but only one of my friends was really keeping up, and thats because he and i do homework together so we were already in a rhythm of talking every single week no matter what. and thats not to say that im ungrateful for him or the fact that even still he was there for me while i was going through hell, i have this thing about Not Putting All My Problems On And Confiding In One Person And One Person Only. so i withdrew, i stopped talking to everyone, i stopped logging into my classes, i didnt do any homework, i didnt lead my workshops, didnt hold office hours...i was just wallowing in my own misery
and i made plans to kill myself. and thats like, i mean i could say that several dozen times over the course of a year since i was like 12, but i mean a legitimate walkthrough plan. had my hiking bag packed with everything i was going to use, decided where i was going to, and was going to prep myself for it. wrote drafts and drafts of suicide notes until i decided just leaving the contact info of people who needed to know asap was all i was going to leave. in addition to sticky notes on some stuff in my room for what needed to be returned to who, or if something should go to someone in particular...
and i acted as normally as i could around my housemates. attributed my not leaving my room much to being busy with classes. i have a rule to myself to always sleep at least one night before killing myself because if im really serious about going through with it it can always wait one day. this time i decided i was going to clean my room and leave it as pristine as possible. the last thing i had to do was a load of laundry, and then i was going to do it.
and then someone from campus showed up at my door. because one of my professors filed a report and i hadnt responded to any of the emails id received checking in on me.
so i readjusted. caught up on my schoolwork, just barely finished the semester and definitely didnt do it strong or well (god bless the pass/fail option bc of covid LOL), but i did it nonetheless. went home, started my internship, had a miserably mundane summer.
i grew bitter and apathetic. i was angry at my friends for not being responsive when i reached out to them to talk or hang out or do anything. i got tired of dealing with it. i was tired of feeling alone and like no one gave a shit about me except for when it was convenient for them. i decided that i wasnt going to deal with people who werent willing to put any effort into me, so i stopped talking to everyone and kept up with people who were willing to reach out after the fact.
it’s definitely not the best approach. it’s really unforgiving and it doesn’t give people a lot of benefit of the doubt, but i think it was necessary in some respect. i didn’t have any criteria for how people needed to reach out, or how long after, or whatever, just that they did. really needed people in my life who are willing to communicate with me. i was honest with how i was feeling and why i did things if they did, apologized for the shitty approach, thanked them for still being willing to talk to me, and worked out the best way for both of us to keep things going.
over the months i dont think i really regret the decision, because it’s been a weight off my shoulders. i feel a lot better. i’m far more okay with where i stand in all of my friends’ lives, even if that’s not as a priority and even if that’s as just someone to talk to and catch up with like a couple times a year. it took a bit for it to pay off but it’s nice to take a look at people i was putting far too much work into and upon reflection realizing that they only interacted with me when they needed something from me, and not for me as a person. i think there are still people where there are loose ends and i think i may try reaching out myself to tie those up at some point, whenever i have the energy and clarity of mind for it. but i guess at the end of the day i just decided that people who weren’t willing to communicate weren’t worth the time. i’m okay if that communication means i need to be the one to initiate conversations even! i just need to know that.
but yeah. i came back to ny and started the semester totally apathetic and angry. i was so fucking depressed and bored with everything even if i was keeping myself incredibly busy. the only thing that i found rewarding (and what was just barely keeping me going) was leading my workshop for the intro optics class. 
and then a friend -- the same friend i was at the coffee shop with -- reached out to catch up. and i was honestly really bitter and angry with him and was prepping myself to start listing out issues that i hadnt been able to address with him beforehand (side note, while telling friends the issues you have with them is important, listing shit out all at once is hardly ever a good approach especially without warning LOL) but ended up...just having a calming and comfortable conversation about what was going on in our lives since we last saw each other. 
n later that day i ended up reaching out to an old friend that i had been meaning to catch up with because we fell out of contact, but had just barely been trying to start talking again in the months before this but had kept missing opportunities to properly converse. but we talked again, and we set up a day to hike and catch up.
and he comes to my house and picks me up. and i get in his car. and its like, holy shit, its been almost a year since ive seen you. and we hugged. and just started to catch each other up on the mess that had been our lives since we’d actively been in contact. we hiked, he told me about the books he wanted to write, we talked about people we knew, we talked about politics, we talked about school, we talked about life, and it was just as comfortable as if not a day had passed...even though it was obvious that he and i were both changed people over the past year. nothing about our friendship was any different though.
we resolved to hanging out with each other every week. decided we both needed the interaction, appreciated having each other around, and had a nice overlap of free time in the week that worked well. friday nights unless otherwise specified.
it was totally unexpected. he’d always been a great friend to me, but i never expected us to get as close as we did. neither did he. he’s probably the first person in my life (or at least in a very long time, and certainly the only person at the time) that i’d been so comfortable with that i practically had no boundaries around. none that needed to be addressed, anyway, because the only possible ones to throw up wouldn’t even come up (but of course, i constantly reassured that as soon as anything came up i would let him know because early on he kept asking sjhdkjfh). 
he became something for me to look forward to in the week. towards the beginning he was a shoulder to lean on when i needed it and was willing to listen to things i hadn’t been able to tell anyone out loud. and he confided in me as well. it was comfortable. it was safe. it was a level of trust with vulnerability that i’d never shown anyone else. 
but it wasnt even just that! it was fun! hes so fun. we could talk about everything and nothing, and hes one of the only people where i feel like i have to keep up with him in conversation instead of the other way around. we’d jump from topic to topic so much faster than either of us could think and it was all always so interesting. littered with humour that was just dumb and simple. i felt comfortable just being an idiot with him. i felt like i had nothing to prove. 
for the past few years ive held to the sentiment that i like to hang around with people that make me a better person. but somehow, with him, its not that i felt like he made me a better person, but that he made me more myself. he saw who i was without any kind of fronts. and i always was afraid to show anyone that me because i always assumed that they would be depressing, loathsome, bitter, angry, and vicious.
but....i’m not. i learned that i’m incredibly loving. that i’d do fuckin anything to for my friends, but always in a way that was healthy and rewarding for both of us. i’m very light-hearted and my sense of humour is so stupid, but also very analytical and thoughtful. just a bit judgmental and pretentious, but always for things that people dont expect. totally open minded in discussions. an avid explorer, and a bit of a thrillseeker. and so, so, so affectionate.
i realized im. not as horrible as ive always made myself out to be. i accepted that i didnt need to punish myself for things beyond my control. i realized that i could believe people when they tell me that they enjoy my company, or appreciate things i do for them, or that they think i’m a worthwhile person to keep around. 
its not that i dont have my flaws, its not that there arent things that i have to work on still. but maybe, at my core, i’m not actually motivated by spite, i’m not actually a hopeless pessimist, and that i’m not...broken. i’m not some secretly irredeemable monster.
and for a period of time i’ve been in a place where i could say i was genuinely...happy! and i don’t think i’ve ever been able to say that. i’ve certainly been made happy by doing things with friends in the past, i’ve been through periods where i’ve been okay with where i am at in life, but ever since i was like 12 (but probably even before that) i’d never been able to say that i was happy. it’s not that i wasn’t stressed, it’s not that things in my life were all going perfectly....but they didn’t define my mood. they didn’t define my view of myself. school, despite being the primary focus of my life, wasn’t dictating how i was feeling. even when things were agonizing and depressing because of school, i was still okay. i was incredibly stable.
and i owe that all to him being there for me. and hardly any of these things were anything that he was really directly responsible for, like its not that he sat there and just constantly showered me in reassurance and praise or anything that changed how i view myself...it was just having his company. it was just being able to sit there and listen to him go on about some totally random thing that he was exceptionally knowledgeable about. it was exploring caves and climbing hills. it was cooking together. it was talking about science. it was talking about love. it was talking about music. it was just having a consistent presence in my life, someone that treated me like a priority but never at the expense of himself, and someone i didn’t have to walk on any kind of eggshells around. it was someone who trusted me and respected me not by anything id done to warrant it, but just because of who i was. 
it was a reminder that i can take care of my own problems, that i just need to be a good presence in someone’s life and for them to be a good presence in mine.
but also that i can accept help from people who genuinely want to offer it! and that that help doesnt always have to be direct. that sometimes helping me means i get to do something nice for someone else LOL
it was everything i ever needed and i wasnt even looking for it. he meant the world to me and i was so, so thankful for the circumstances that led us here because i was so happy to have him in my life again. i was happy that we were able to get closer because we’d only been able to interact in professional environments before.
and then i realized i was in love. and i had a sexuality crisis. but i didn’t recognize it until i fell hard because it was a different kind of love than i’ve felt for anyone before. it was intense but entirely too comfortable. but i knew that i cared about him, and that he cared about me, and that i really didn’t need anything about our friendship to change but that it had potential to be something even greater than it was.
and i resolved to tell him about it...until he told me first. and that moment was, as cheesey as it sounds, nothing less than magical. we were both so happy and giggly and it was so sweet and warm and i dont know if im ever going to be able to recreate that feeling because it was just so particular, so specific to being something between me and him. its not that i cant love anyone else as strongly or be as happy as i was necessarily, but it’ll never be that same kind of feeling.
but things happened. things got complicated. i think he panicked. and then things that happened just felt so dirty and hollow and dark. he hurt me really, really, really badly, and it managed to happen in the span of four days.
and i’ve spent the last <2 weeks dealing with it. i think he’s dealing with it in his own ways, but realistically i don’t know how because i havent seen him since christmas eve, and we were both definitely not being completely genuine that day. was at his house for a small family party and he and i were the only ones who knew what happened. it was too soon to have healed from it any, but we couldnt exactly be honest about it then either.
and im doing better. im genuinely okay now. and, interestingly, i think i owe it to the past few months of hanging out with him and how ive been able to come to terms with a lot of things about myself. ive been able to show myself compassion. its really ironic.
its a situation where i was desperately trying to throw blame onto myself for, because if i could then i could punish myself for it and use it to fuel that deep rooted self hatred and then i could fix it, because i’d be the one responsible for fixing it. but, and i’ve talked to quite a few friends about it trying to figure out who to confide in about it, everyone who knows about it insists that i cant blame myself for it. theres not a thing about the situation that i can blame myself for. and its so fucking weird, because i cant bring myself to fully blame him for it either, just because it was so ABSURDLY out of character that it doesnt feel like it was anything he could have done to me. it was a boundary that i wasnt ever supposed to worry about him crossing, because he’s just not that kind of person.
and it’s the type of situation that you’re supposed to totally be willing to cut someone off for but...i can’t. he’s genuinely remorseful and i think he doesn’t really know how to deal with it either. and despite it being a massive fuck up its still like...the first fuck up in our friendship from either of us. and i’m willing to see this through. i think it’s salvageable, even if it’ll never be the same as it was. i have faith in our friendship. i think we can make it work.
but no matter what happens. i owe him more than i’ll ever be able to repay him for. and i’ll never, ever be able to hate him because of that. i’m in a much, much better place because of him and for that i’ll always be thankful.
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wyrddog · 5 years
Text
if you want to know what my sister is like, read below
tw; transphobia, emotional abuse, borderline torture? lying, manipulation, gaslighting, rape mention, she’s just an all around trash person. i also call her a bitch a lot.
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she does not care. she just thinks shes entitled that all that i have because she’s never been taught to fucking respect me. whenever i confront her about anything she brings up that she was raped as if i have some shit to do with it (which she thinks everyone around her has some shit to do with it) she’s so fucking manipulative and makes me believe shes changed and i can trust her and then i ask her as nicely as i can for her not to use my shit and she fucking explodes. it’s fucking ridiculous. she’s such a fucking abusive ass bitch. and she gets off so much on pissing me off too. she knows i hate when the tv is on and that i can hear it so clearly through the floor boards whereas when shes upstairs i cant hear anything so-- why dont you go upstairs? because you want to piss me off. shes so fucking sadistic. she’s always been like this. she gets mad at me because i hold over her head that she LIED to me MANY times growing up and made me believe things that were not factual to reality. she never wants to own up to it, has never formally apologized or recognized that its necessary to and im pretty sure has even told me she doesn’t think she needs to all because of her “prefrontal cortex not being developed at that age blah blah blah” bitch i do not g i v e a f r e s h f u c k . if a baby accidently cut my hand off, fuck, i’m gonna be pissed at the baby. is it the babys fault? no, BUT THATS MY FUCKING HAND. GET IT? YOU FUCKING BITCH? THATS MY FUCKING BRAIN YOU DESTROYED YOU FUCKING BITCH. she has done things like lock me and my friend in a fucking cage in the basement and turned the lights off, she drowned a fucking squirrel once that was trapped in a possum trap, i’d go to her really trusting and happily to dress me up and do my make up and shit and she did things like paint me as a clown or dress me as a “nerd” and take pictures of me with. shes tied me up with a leash before, shes stolen things from me before, there was a time she came home tripping on acid and kept begging me like desperately to give her this fucking perfume and saying “please” and “its her favorite scent” and all this shit and when i said no she got so fucking pissed at me. whenever i accuse her of taking something from me she gets so FUCKING MAD and tries SO FUCKING HARD to switch it around on to me. i’m so fucking done with it. also, this is most definitely NOT the first time she’s done this, i found these emails while looking for something one day and to my surprise yeah its LITERALLY nothing new;
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yeah maybe i shouldn’t have told her to die by snorting ketamine but tbh shes said worse shit and has told me to kill myself many times. she also seems to think me being trans is effecting her and other people so much but tbh i think its just effecting her bc her ass wont stop fucking thinking about me, she’s fucking obsessed and i’m so fucking tired about it. 
this is fucking with my mental health so much. i was doing SO much better before i decided to move in with her. she really had me convinced that we could leave neutrally together and not fight but not. she is just so accustomed to using me as a punching bag and doesn’t feel any urgent need to change at all about it. i dont know if she’ll ever feel regret about it. i dont even know if she feels regret for the way she treats me, im in fact positive she thinks i deserve everything she fucking does to me. she makes me feel so insecure about just *being* and existing as myself. shes always shamed me for liking whatever i like, and if i like something she likes she tries to take entire credit over it and praises herself for getting me into it. i’m never a person in her eyes. i’m like a fucking npc to her basically. anything i do thats original is weird to her and anything she likes she says she got me into. i’m literally nothing outside her narration of me essentially. her abuse has effected me my entire life and has destroyed my ability to trust and socialize with other people.also her weird behavior about “owning” interests has fucked with my ability to socialize with people as well, because now i get defensive about the things i identify with and try to claim it as my own and i feel like i cant id with things other people id with. which is so fucking stupid. logically, i know that, but emotional kid me doesn’t and that person has never been healed from my sisters fucking abuse. no one has come up to me an consoled me, there was never any clear yelling or punishment towards her as far as im aware of unless they do it behind closed doors or some shit- this vile, compulsive lying, thieving, intolerant ass bitch has caused so much fucking chaos in my life and it took re living with her to finally fucking realize that again. i have even more receipts on facebook im sure but writing all of this is draining. i need to move out as soon as possible because living with her is making me incredibly suicidal.
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karmanticmoved · 5 years
Note
1-85 uwu
j esus okay
1. describe yourself.
uh,, emotional ig, dumbass, quiet, exhausted all of the time, v queer, healthy mix of feminine and masculine, insecure, and not tha t great tbh. kinda a pussy ass b itch
2. if you could go anywhere for a week all expenses paid where would it be?
idrk. maybe somewhere like a hella nice beach in another country, maybe somewhere in europe. i like travelling but i hate the travel to get there and have no money so i havent put thought into it. maybe hawaii or somewhere like that.
3. do you have siblings?
the one thats still alive is my half brother
4. what is your favorite constellation, why?
orion maybe bc i don't know a lot but i can see that one from my bedroom window even in the city n idk. its comforting. or scorpius cause i'm a scorpio
5. favorite color.
yellow, pink, or blue.
6. what kind of music do you listen to?
almost anything. whatever catches my interest.
7. favorite flower. (you can name as many as you want cause flowers are awesome)
forgot what i said last time but those
yellow carnations i think?
8. if you could do magic, what is the first spell you would learn?
maybe smth to put myself to sleep immediately bc f uCk
9. favorite childhood memory.
my summer camp memories are pretty great. also memories of my dad and i going fishing are good.
10. have you ever been cheated on?
i mean in theory i couldve been bc online relationships but no. n im polyam and have identified as such for a majority of my relationships so no.
11. if you could describe your perfect room, what would it be?
big but not too big, yknow? like big enough that it can be filled and have room to walk around and lay on the ground or whatever but not Empty. and a pretty big bed to stretch out on, n a closet in the room. multiple windows w blackout curtains so theres light but it can be blocked out. n fluffy rugs or carpeting but preferably rugs in case smth spills so we can get it out of at least Remove the rug. and probably a cat tree thing in corner for dipper. n a computer desk and actual lights that light up the whole room. but probably,, fairy lights too bc full lights too bright. and i kinda want a pink room but blue or yellow work also. a nd pride flags on the walls + posters and various other stuff bc plain walls are boring. and tons n tons of b ooks too.
12. favorite animal.
river otter
13. what was the last photo you took of?
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cat
14. do you believe in soul mates?
i'm not sure. i do kinda think there are people who you will like. really really click with and who become so important in your life that they're like. apart of u yknow? but i don't think that anyone as an individual needs to keep those people in their life forever. they arent destined to stay with them, and they shouldnt force that relationship (platonic, familial, romantic, or whatever) even if they were close for years and years. screw destiny. youll have people you care about, and sometimes you have to break that bond to save yourself, and thats okay. there will be other people who can and will be just as important. that got kinda off topic skbsks. i don't think theres really like Destiny soulmates. but there could be like. soulmates in the sense of for however long we're together, we're soul bonded. even if its not forever. does that even make se nse skbsns
15. do you hang toilet paper over or under?
over is the one thats socially acceptable right
16. your go to place to eat & your favorite thing to get there.
idk theres a place near a movie theater closeish to my house and its a nice little cafe and i dont eat there bc i dont eat much in general but i get their bubble tea and i love. raspberry bubble tea w rose popping bubbles. its comfort drink.
17. do you believe everything happens for a reason?
no. sometimes shit happens for no reason, and its bullshit, but you can't reverse it, so you gotta figure out how to move on from it.
18. guilty pressures?
im assuming thats meant to be pleasures
umm,, idrk. i don't know what exactly i like that would count as a guilty pleasure so,,
19. favorite mythical creature, why?
merpeople are s o cool i fuckin. love funky aquatic pals hell yeah. maybe im just Water babey but. they're rad. dragons are also hella cool bc like dragons???? theyre scaly and prett y and can breathe fire or have wings and kill u?? also like selkies bc again. water. but i used to hear a lot of stories abt them and theyre so nea t
20. something most people don’t know about you.
i have the potential to be a huge asshole and also kinda Wish to fuckin murder someone sometimes but. i act nice most of the time anyway.
not murder murder but i can get angr y enough that i just wanna Stab smth
21. where did you grow up, what was it like?
grew up kinda near the edge of the city, still in it but not like the main city area. in western washington. it was kinda rly boring, i used to spend a lot more time outside or just by myself playing with leaves or toys or whatever. when i had friends i played make believe w them even when outside of school. so yeah. boring id say.
22. do you believe aliens exist?
sure.
23. what was your last google search?
other than names for some actors n stuff, i was looking up various star wars things
24. what did your last relationship teach you?
the one that like. ended? i guess thatd be. be careful with your own feelings and try to figure them out before jumping into anything, and also don't try to force smth that in reality isnt really working.
25. would you relocate for love?
honestly yeah
26. do you hold grudges or forgive easy?
both. it just depends on how badly i or someone i care about was hurt by it. more likely to hold a grudge if a friend was hurt by someone d eep enough to leave a lasting impact or if they don't get a genuine apology i will be 🔫🔫. or if the person keeps hurting them. even if that person is also my friend.
27. favorite book.
favorite graphic novel is bloom by kevin panetta
favorite books in general are autoboyography, more happy than not, and what if its us. all gay. i know. its okay. im a kinnie.
28. do you consider yourself an extrovert or introvert?
introvert by far
29. have you ever kept a journal, do you now?
i tried once. i probably will have to once i go see a therapist, or at least one for my Bad Thoughts
30. top 5 favorite movies.
in no particular order
little shop of horrors, love simon, coco, it (2017 and 1990), and shazam! ig? maybe others but i definitely Forgot all the shit ive watched
31. do you believe that everything happens for a reason?
no
32. what is your greatest fear?
definitely gotta be all of the people i love hating me and abandoning me or secretly hating me and then leaving me without saying anything. and the worst part is im always afraid its gonna happen babeyy
33. favorite alcoholic beverage.
im baby
34. most embarrassing thing you’ve done.
im embarrassed by my own existence. i don't remember the Most embarrassing thing
35. do you believe in ghosts?
not until i have proof that i can actually trust and believe in
36. what is the best and worst part of your personality?
idk ig im nice. but im also. very easily set off on certain emotions especially the bad ones which sucks like especially jealousy bc i dont wanna!! feel jealous!! tho i think that ties into my greatest fear bc my brain immediately tells me im useless to everyone and they hate me. but. sometimes i get jealous and then feel bad for that and then hate myself for all of it. bc my friends deserve to hang out w other people and care about other people im just fucking stupid babey !!
37. should you split the dinner bill?
i rly don't get why you wouldnt tbh like if u both wanna be there u should both pay. but if one person gonna pay it should be the person that asked.
38. are you a good liar?
most of the time. when it comes to my mental health i can either lie great or im literally breaking down in front of the person so
39. what keeps you up at night?
depressing thoughts. anxiety about everything. wishing i could cuddle and fall asleep w jay. sometimes i just cant sleep bc im too restless.
40. would you rather go without your phone or music?
music. i need my phone to text my friends and i Need my friends
41. do you believe in god?
what god would let the world get to the point its at. what god would allow people to do such fucked up shit.
no. i don't.
42. how do you relax when frustrated?
cry, take a nap, take a shower, listen to music, cuddle dipper
43. what’s something that offends you?
when people go "oh yeah i support gay rights but im still gonna eat at chick fil a bc its good" like i get so fucking. pissed off by that. youre not gonna fucking s ta rv e without their goddamn chicken. i know a bi person who goes there and says its okay bc they dont Directly Give Their money to Specifically anti gay organisations but im just. ugh. fucking pissed bc there are other places to get food just avoid the one place for fucks sake. their food is good it doesnt matter. its like saying yeah pewdiepie is a bad person and nazi and a racist asshole but his videos r funni haha so im gonna watch him anyway
44. favorite food
i hate myself whenever i eat food
45. if you were on a 10 hour flight and could sit and talk to any person the entire time, who would it be?
@destinedformuchmore or @pinaplelee
46. when do you feel the most confident?
never? but ig i feel confident when working on tech construction during theater tech. as long as i know what im doing.
47. what do you do in your free time?
sleep. draw. cry. play video games. talk to my friends.
48. is there anyone who has completely lost your respect
matpat did for being a dick abt neopronouns and making a transphobic joke and only apologizing when a cis person told him to. not when hundreds of trans people did. and also other jokes that are inherently offensive to various groups. a n d for making extremely not Child friendly jokes in his videos which are very much targeted towards kids. say what you will about the target audience, there are a lot of children who watch them. please stop making creepy nsfw jokes if you won't even swear, sir.
49. have you ever broken someone’s heart?
i guess so yeah. but she also broke mine first.
50. did/do you play sports in school?
i did. i don't anymore bc highschool sports are bullshit but. basketball, ultimate, and soccer.
51. when are you happiest?
talkin 2 jay prolly
52. coffee or tea?
tea
53. what is one possession you own you wouldn’t want to live without?
my binder. or my stuffed cat puppet thing ive had since i was 7
54. what is the first thing you notice about a person?
their general emotions, mostly. like if theyre in a good mood or if theyre bored or distracted or whatever. or if they seem interested in actually talking to me
55. what is your favorite season, why?
fall. my birthday, the atmosphere is nice, it's pretty, its hoodie weather.
56. what makes you laugh?
stupid little comments or jokes my friends make tend to make me laugh a lot harder than i should but jabdn
57. are you a clean or messy person?
a mix. i Cannot have some things messy or i will ksjqkd. Die but i don't make my bed too often bc its ha rd when its against 3 walls.
58. what is important for a successful relationship?
communication communication communicati
talk about ur goddamn problems n keep talking to each other.
59. what was your upcoming like?
if thats supposed to be upbringing
idk, very relaxed. pretty easygoing and kinda boring.
60. favorite holiday?
any holiday in december rly. i don't celebrate a Lot but the atmosphere and others celebrating is nice to see. i kinda wish my parents did more to embrace the jewish part in our family blike. whatever. christmas is fun.
61. what is the first thing you’d do if you won the lottery?
give half of it to my parents. and then probably use it for plane ticket
62. what’s the best pizza topping combination?
hawaiian pizza. pinapple n canadian bacon ty
63. favorite outdoor activity.
frisbee
64. how are you? honestly.
not great. i want highschool to end.
65. would you rather go camping in the woods or stay at a beach resort?
idk. camping is fun but if i get to stay at the resort for free i would rly love 2 stay at a resort tbh ive never done that
66. what is the most beautiful thing in nature?
waterfalls. or rivers or just. water in nature. and very green forests. aNd snow.
67. favorite type of candy?
none
68. if your life was a book, what would be the title?
i can and will do arson, an autobiography
69. what movie quotes do you use of a regular bases?
i quote john mulaney and whatever my obsessions are pretty regularly
70. what was cool when you were young but not cool now?
silly bandz. pokemon cards. these weird unicorn figures i collected
71. what’s the craziest conversation you have ever eves dropped on?
im mostly the one having the weird conversations
72. what’s the most interesting documentary you’ve ever watched?
i watched one about dogs and cats and their evolution which was lit
73. what’s the worst hairstyle you’ve had?
when i let the lady just go fuckin ham on my hair bc i was watching spirit that horse movie and didnt wanna stop so it was. rly bad bangs and hella short in back but not the sides
74. what do you like to cook?
whatever im hungry for. i don't have the energy to cook a lot
75. what’s the coolest animal you’ve seen in the wild?
really pretty tropical fish
76. what’s the funniest tv show you’ve ever seen?
idk. i rly like schitts creek its pretty amusing
77. do you usually follow your heart or your head?
heart at first but my head if things get bad
78. what is your favorite quote?
"i have a splitting headache and i think i'm dying. how are you?"
or a character just saying "try harder" when another failed to do smth.
this is supposed to be deep or whatever but im in a Mood
79. what’s the weirdest crush you have ever had?
once had a crush on a character in a minecraft parody lmao
80. what’s your love language?
sending shit that makes me think of them. n just. making tons of stuff for them both online and irl like bracelets.
81. do you ever feel alone?
oh yeah. all the time. im not but it feels like i am which sucks
82. ever been bullied?
yeah
83. are you usually early or late?
late bc of my parents rip
84. what kind of art do you enjoy most?
drawing, or writing. also theater.
85. what do you wish you knew more about?
i just wish i could remember everything ive learned more about. i know a lot i just forget all.
id like to know more about forensics tho
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shakingsphere · 5 years
Text
um i need a distraction so heres a question thing that yall are supposed to send to me but i just answered all of them if ur interested
Alisons: Sexuality?
straight i think
Amaranth: Pronouns/Gender?
she/her cis
Amaryllis: Birthday?
january 30th!
Anemone: Favorite flower?
idk what they’re called but these vine type flowers on the side of my porch!
Angelonia: Favorite t.v. show?
atla
Arum-Lily: What’s the farthest you’d go for a stranger?
depends on the context, definitely nothing where they could take advantage of me
Aster: What’s one of your favorite quotes?
i hate quotes i can never remember any lmao
Aubrieta: Favorite drink?
.... diet coke
Baby’s Breath: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
no
Balsam Fir: Have you ever been in love?
maybe? he didnt love me back
Baneberries: Favorite song?
vienna by billy joel
Basket of Gold: Describe your family.
my parents are nice and supportive but overbearing and judgmental. my dad has a tendency to talk when its not his place and my mom is very jewish. my sister doesnt like me very much and is kind of rude. one of my brothers is really nice and the other is awful
Beebalm: Do you have a best friend? Who is it?
I dont
Begonia: Favorite color?
green
Bellflower: Favorite animal?
red panda
Bergenia: Are you a morning or night person?
night
Black-Eyed Susan: If you could be any animal for a day, what would it be?
a cat
Bloodroots: When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?
an animator 
Bluemink: What are your thoughts on children?
i love kids theyre so cute
Blazing Stars: What are you afraid of? Is there a reason why?
heights bc theyre scary, and unachieving because i dont want to waste my life
Borage: Give a random fact about your childhood.
i used to play with ants a lot
Bugleherb: How would you spend your last day on Earth?  
like if i was conscious it was my last day? i dont even know
Buttercup: Relationship Status?
single :/
Camelia: If you could visit anywhere, where would you want to go?
central asia and iran
Candytufts: When do you feel most loved?
when im with my friends and we’re just hanging out
Canna: Do you have any tattoos?  
no ma’am i am a child of god
Canterbury Bells: Do you have any piercings?  
my ear lobes and i want to get my doubles done
California Poppy: Height?  
5′3. it be like that
Cardinal Flower: Do you believe in ghosts?
yes!!!!!!!!!!!! omg
Carnation: What are you currently wearing?  
a college sweatshirt and pj pants with penguins on them
Catnip: Have you ever slept with a nightlight?
when i was little....
Chives: Who was the last person you hugged?  
my friend hannah
Chrysanthemum: Who’s the last person you kissed?
i haven’t...
Cock’s Comb: Favorite font?
um lobster?
Columbine: Are you tired?
yeah lol
Common Boneset: What are you looking forward to?
college and moving out of state!!
Coneflower: Dream job?
something where i can use my degree lmao
Crane’s-Bill: Introvert or extrovert?
i think im an introvert but i also might just have anxiety
Crocus: Have you ever been in love?
maybe?
Crown Imperial: What’s the farthest you would go for someone you care about?
i would take a bullet for most of my loved ones
Cyclamen: Did you have a favorite stuffed animal as a child? What was it?
yes. a tie-dyed teddy bear named tie-dye. he is my husband.
Daffodil: What’s your zodiac sign?
aquarius
Dahlia: Have you done anything worth remembering?
nothing that people who arent me should remember, but i think our experiences shape us so
Daisy: What do you feel is your greatest accomplishment?
im not dead idk
Daylily: What would you do if your parents didn’t like your partner(s)?  
um id probably be upset i care about my parents approval way to much
Dendrobium: Who is the last person that you said “I love you” to?
my friend hannah again lol
False Goat’s Beard: What is something you are good at?
public speaking!!
Foxgloves: What’s something you’re bad at?
math
Freesia: What are three good things that have happened in the past month?
um i met my future roommate, i lost a bit of weight, and i got some cute shorts
Garden Cosmos: How was your day today?
stressful! 
Gardenia: Are you happy with where you’re at in your life?
no
Gladiolus: What is something you hope to do in the next year or two?
join my college’s honors program and study in russia
Glory-of-the-Snow: What are ten things that make you happy/you’re grateful to have in your life?
im not doing this one too tired
Heliotropium: What helps you calm down when you feel stressed? 
xanax 
Hellebore: How do you show affection?
i try to tell ppl they are important to me
Hoary Stock: What are you proudest of?
im funny i think
Hollyhock: Describe your ideal day.
i wake up at 9:30 its 70 degrees Fahrenheit and i get lunch with some friends and then we hang out for the day
Hyacinth: What do you like to do in your free time?  
im so bad about this all i do is watch youtube and study, but i love to draw and im going to start reading more
Hydrangea: How long have you known your best friend? How did you meet them?
Irises: Who can you talk to about (almost) everything?
Laceleaf: How many friends do you have?
Lantanas: What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received?
Larkspur: What do you think of yourself?
Lavender: What’s your favorite thing about yourself?
Leather Flower: What’s your least favorite thing about yourself?  
Lilac: What’s something you liked to do as a child?
Lily: Who was your best friend when you were a kid?
Lily of the Incas: What is something you still feel guilty for?
Lily of the Nile: What is something you feel guilty for that you shouldn’t feel guilty about?  
Lupine: What does your name mean? Why is that your name?
pretty sure its french for clear or bright (depending on the context). my mom just liked it
Marigold: Where did you grow up? Tell us about it.
im from a suburb of kck. its a nice and safe place to grow up but i wouldnt choose to live here
Morning Glory: What was your bedroom like growing up?
nice, but its in the basement so the view is really bad i hate that
Mugworts: What was it like for you as a teenager? Did you enjoy your teenage years?  
no nope no
Norwegian Angelica: Tell us about your mom.
she is very smart and hardworking but very judgmental and a bit inconsiderate. she loves me very much tho
Onions: Tell about your dad.  
he is short and angry. he tends to interrupt me a lot. he is supportive of everything i do. he is stingy about money tho
Orchid: Tell about your grandparents.
my mother’s mom died before i was born, and my i was never close with her father. he died when i was 8. my other grandma has bad dementia and isn’t sure who i am anymore. shes presbyterian but she would send my sister and i dreidels and such for hanukkah. im told i look a lot like her. my grandfather has been very grumpy for as long as ive known him.   
Pansy: What was your most memorable birthday? What made it be so memorable?
my 13th. i had an anxiety attack and had to go home early.
Peony: What was your first job?
i was a hostess at a seafood restaurant.
Petunia: If you’re in a relationship, how did you meet your partner(s)? If you’re not in a relationship, how did you meet your crush/how do you hope to meet your future partner(s), if you want any?
Pincushion: How do you deal with pain?
i give myself time to process it and then just move forward i guess
Pink: Where is home?
where your sense of belonging is ig idk
Plantain Lilies: If you could go back in time, what is one thing you would stop/change?
i would have made better grades and quit band in middle school haha 
Prairie Gentian: Who is someone you look up to? Describe them.
Primrose: Describe your ideal life.
i want to be happy with 2 kids and a husband and live below my means but still be comfortable 
Rhodendron: What is something you used to believe in as a child?
nihil was a philosopher. 
Ricinus: Who’s the most important in your life?
fuck idk my dog
Rose: What’s your favorite sound?
background noise when your sitting outside
Rosemallows: What’s your favorite memory?
Sage: What’s your least favorite memory?
Snapdragon: At this moment, what do you want?
for everything to work out!!!  
St. John’s Wort: Is it easy or difficult for you to express how you feel about things?
very very hard
Sunflower: What is something you don’t want to imagine life without?
the internet
Sweet Pea: How much sleep did you get last night?
8 hours but i overslept
Tickseed: What’s your main reason to get up every morning?
i have to
Touch-Me-Not: How do you feel about your current job?
i dont have a job rn and thats bad
Transvaal Daisy: What’s your favorite item of clothing?
my jeans from uo
Tropical White Morning Glory: Describe your aesthetic.  
cool librarian or 90s mom
Tulip: What would be the best present to get you?
160,000 dollars :)
Vervain: What’s stressing you out most right now?
the cost of college!!!!
Wisteria: How many books have you read in the past few months? What were they called?
oof like 2. i read Dune, and Slaughterhouse Five
Wolf’s Bane: Where do you want to be in life this time next year?
college! finishing up my first semester
Yarrow: Do you know what vore is?
yeah :( 
Zinnia: Give a random fact about yourself.
ive been late to ap french almost every day this semester #c’estlavie
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hypereactive · 5 years
Text
1. Who was the last person you held hands with? my best friend
2. Are you outgoing or shy? shy
3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? my best friend
4. Are you easy to get along with? depends. i try to be, but im also REALLY picky/have strong opinions on a lot of stuff, and im autistic..
5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? yeah
6. What kind of people are you attracted to? a caring one, who listens before judging
7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? yeah
8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? my best friend
9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? sometimes
10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? probably my best friend
11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? “o”
12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? uhm. I like A LOT of songs.
billie ellish- bury a friend and you should see me in a crown
rag’n’bone man - human
rebel - black pearl (hes a pirate)
Aladdin soundtrack - Prince Ali and one jump ahead
arctic monkeys - Do I wanna know?
13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? rarely
14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? yea
15. What good thing happened this summer? new job, in my field of study
16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? yepp
17. Do you think there is life on other planets? probs at least simple life
18. Do you still talk to your first crush? only if I run into him getting coffee (he works there)
19. Do you like bubble baths? if im in the mood
20. Do you like your neighbors? one i do, one i absolutely dont, the rest i dont interact w
21. What are you bad habits? im REALLY picky, and can come off as ungrateful (if u can’t do it right id rather u just not do it. apparently its more common to think at least you got something/they tried.)
22. Where would you like to travel? Anywhere w the right people. Nowhere without.
23. Do you have trust issues? kinda. More like I understand people wont understand me or meet my needs adequately.
24. Favorite part of your daily routine? morning coffee
25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? my chin/teeth
26. What do you do when you wake up? if I have ResponsibilitesTM i get up and get coffee and leave the house in less than 20 min, otherwise i lay in bed on tumblr until i have to get up due to responsibilities or hunger.
27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? im good w where its at tbh
28. Who are you most comfortable around? my best friend
29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? yeah. 
30. Do you ever want to get married? yeah
31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail? lol yesss
32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? none?
33. Spell your name with your chin. bdfuds
34. Do you play sports? What sports? not really. i like frisbee and longboarding if those count.
35. Would you rather live without TV or music? TV
36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? no. I cant keep secrets.
37. What do you say during awkward silences? i usu dont. ill just go on my phone/leave/etc
38. Describe your dream girl/guy? my best friend. 
39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? hot topic
40. What do you want to do after high school? lol im not in high school
41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? depends on what they did and why, and if they want to grow as a person/make it right
42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? im tired/overwhelmed/content/bored
43. Do you smile at strangers? if i lock eyes with them and they smiled, i might smile back, but im pretty good at Not Looking At People
44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? ocean
45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? ResponsibilitiesTM
46. What are you paranoid about? having a heart attack and no one being around to help me/not noticing until its too late
47. Have you ever been high? yea
48. Have you ever been drunk? yea
49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? no
50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? black
51. Ever wished you were someone else? no, but i have wished my parents were
52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? my chin probs. idk i like myself
53. Favourite makeup brand? i dont wear makeup
54. Favourite store? this is a duplicate question.
55. Favourite blog? uhm.
56. Favourite colour? black/grey/light pink/raspberry/celery green
57. Favourite food? cheese, cheddar brats, spinach, chocolate chip cookies, milkshakes
58. Last thing you ate? rice w beef, spinach, egg and soy sauce
59. First thing you ate this morning? coffee and nutella
60. Ever won a competition? For what? I think so but i cant remember. Oh i think I won an anti-bullying poster competition once.
61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? lol nopee
62. Been arrested? For what? no
63. Ever been in love? few times now
64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? uh. no. cuz i didnt even like the dude.
65. Are you hungry right now? no
66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? i only have one real friend so I feel like thats unfair
67. Facebook or Twitter? tumblr.
68. Twitter or Tumblr? still tumblr
69. Are you watching tv right now? lol no
70. Names of your bestfriends? no, bc hed not appreciate it
71. Craving something? What? not rn
72. What colour are your towels? grey or floral w pinks and blacks and oranges
72. How many pillows do you sleep with? 3
73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? yes, usu. 2
74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? total? uh. 8?
75. Favourite animal? birbs prob.
76. What colour is your underwear? why?
77. Chocolate or Vanilla? chocolate, unless its ice cream. then vanilla
78. Favourite ice cream flavour? berry (any) or cheesecake (also any)
79. What colour shirt are you wearing? grey
80. What colour pants? a darker grey
81. Favourite tv show? uh. i like sherlock.
82. Favourite movie? deadpool probs. or pirates of the Caribbean. or Aladdin. or detective pikachu.
83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? never seen either
84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? never seen either
85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? n/a
86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? uhm. I cant remember. Probs the black and white one w the scar, or the starfish, or the sea gull
87. First person you talked to today? my sister
88. Last person you talked to today? my best friend
89. Name a person you hate? my past roommate
90. Name a person you love? my best friend
91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? my past roommate and most recent ex
92. In a fight with someone? currently? no? ever? yes.
93. How many sweatpants do you have? 5
94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? 6
95. Last movie you watched? i dont know
96. Favourite actress? i dunno
97. Favourite actor? i dunno
98. Do you tan a lot? no
99. Have any pets? no
100. How are you feeling? i dont know
101. Do you type fast? yeah
102. Do you regret anything from your past? yeah, but not overly
103. Can you spell well? i think so 
104. Do you miss anyone from your past? no
105. Ever been to a bonfire party? i dont think so, but i want to (w the right people)
106. Ever broken someone’s heart? yeah, oops
107. Have you ever been on a horse? yep
108. What should you be doing? cleaning my house
109. Is something irritating you right now? no
110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? yea
111. Do you have trust issues? yea
112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? my best friend
113. What was your childhood nickname? B. as in, just the letter
114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? yea
115. Do you play the Wii? no
116. Are you listening to music right now? yea
117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? not usually
118. Do you like Chinese food? i think so
119. Favourite book? uhm. sherlock (the whole series). the uglies series (scott westerfield). the secret garden. Fahrenheit 451. 1984. 
120. Are you afraid of the dark? no, but sometimes im afraid theres something in it
121. Are you mean? no
122. Is cheating ever okay? no
123. Can you keep white shoes clean? if i want to
124. Do you believe in love at first sight? no
125. Do you believe in true love? im not sure i know what this means
126. Are you currently bored? no
127. What makes you happy? i dont know
128. Would you change your name? no
129. What your zodiac sign? gemini
130. Do you like subway? i cant eat there
131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? lol weve been dating for a while now
132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? my best friend
133. Favourite lyrics right now? uh. I dont know.
134. Can you count to one million? that would take a month, so no.
135. Dumbest lie you ever told? i dont know. probably that i couldnt go to work bc i was “throwing up from a migraine” when i hadnt thrown up (yet).
136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? it varies
137. How tall are you? i think im like. 5′8″?
138. Curly or Straight hair? curly. but not consistent
139. Brunette or Blonde? i am a brunette
140. Summer or Winter? winter. i can always wear more clothes
141. Night or Day? night. its quiet and calm
142. Favourite month? august and october
143. Are you a vegetarian? no
144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? yes.
145. Tea or Coffee? yes. depends on time of day/year/mood/etc
146. Was today a good day? i dont know
147. Mars or Snickers? mars
148. What’s your favourite quote? “if you cant explain it simply, you dont understand it well enough” -einstien is one of them. but there are more
149. Do you believe in ghosts? i dont know
150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? “aunt lillian’s footsteps became more distant, became whispers, were gone.”
@ramblebrambleamble i got bored and answered all of them
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fuck-customers · 6 years
Text
time to jump ship
TLDR: i hate the job i used to love, i want to strangle every customer, i hate surveys, i hate food waste, i hate my coworkers. specific story at the end. im so sorry this is so long but ive been bottling it up for months now. content warning for biphobia i guess?
i work at the place where guac is extra and our store is kind of in the danger zone for being closed. apparently all that means is 2 weeks of being closed with some training or whatever, but i really dont want to deal with that. my gm has been pushing me [a person she never EVER puts on the fucking line because we have like, 3 cashiers myself included] to tell customers about our survey, bc at one point our score was...14%. the lowest in the state. you wanna know why its so fucking low? you wanna know? bc we're located in the ritzy part of the area [its like 4 cities just smashed into each other], and the bulk of our customers are people on their lunch break who blow $13 on a shitty burrito with like 3 things inside it, go back to the office, inhale their food and then get back to work. they dont have time for surveys! plus, why the FUCK are the surveys so important?! yes, our profit margin is small, but that doesnt mean we arent making sales! the sales are there! the lack of complaints should be proof enough that out of every 200 customers, only one says anything bad! and its always some shit like "when i asked for a little more meat, the employee put 3 pieces of chicken in my bowl. i didnt want double but i wanted more meat!" or like "i didnt know guac was extra" WE. HAVE. SIGNS. ON. THE. GLASS. THEYRE RIGHT THERE. YOU HAD TO LOOK RIGHT AT THEM TO SEE THAT GUAC IS EXTRA. ITS YOUR FAULT. i hate the surveys so fucking much bc i ring up over a 100 people a day and we get maybe 2 back...its such a waste of breath.
the waste of these people too. it was absolutely terrible at my last job [god of bread cafe] but jeez...why get guac if youre not going to eat it? why get your kid food if hes just gonna throw the rice on the floor, take one bite out of the quesadilla, and you toss the rest? do you know what a to-go lid is? clearly they do, because theyll get a shitload of food, order it to-go, then SIT DOWN, pull it ALL OUT OF THE BAG, eat it all, then throw the bag away. those bags cost money! stop wasting our bags! fuck all of you! 
and since our turnover rate is so high, scheduling is an issue. i like my gm, i really do, but shes so...bad at the schedule. im supposed to be off at 3 every shift. im never off at 3. the next cashier comes in at 3. im supposed to have all my shit done by 3, meaning my drawer counted, money deposited, checkout done, and clocked out. if im the only cashier, who tf gonna ring customers while im doing that? the manager. except they never get drawers. they just dont want to. and my gm never wants to schedule the next cashier at, oh i dont know, 2:45? so they can count and put their drawer in so i can leave?? on time?? thats all it takes, but no, because of labor that wont happen.
call me insecure, call me a prude, call me a killjoy, but when my coworkers just stand around and roast each other and pretend to throw insults back and forth, it creates this air of pure hostility that i cant stand. stop being 10 years old! do your work! shut the fuck up and fry chips! cut peppers! why do you feel the need to insult each other so much?! it makes me want to just clock out and leave most days. plus, the closing cashiers rarely ever fill up the ice bin. this whole year ive been working here, ive been filling the bin all the way to the damn lid after peak. lo and behold, the reason id have to throw like 8 buckets worth of ice [each bucket is easily 30 lbs, im 105. i carry 2 at a time] in there was because closing cash NEVER FILLS IT. EVER. its always half full at best. so i said fuck it, if theyre not going to do it for me, then i wont break my back lifting those damn things for them just bc the closing crew is so lazy. plus theres so much homophobia/transphobia underneath a lot of what they talk about sometimes. one of my lesbian coworkers looked me straight in the face and said "i could never date a bi person. what if they cheat on me?" im bi. my gm is a lesbian, and her gf is bi. a girl that recently quit is also bi. like, i actually really liked this coworker but then she showed her true colors so fuck her i guess!
anyway, a special fuck you to the old hag that came through the line today w a chicken queso bowl. expo said to me "chicken with queso" and she said "but dont charge me for the queso" i just kinda smiled and laughed it off and rang it up. and she said again "seriously, dont charge me, im a senior" so, bitch? i told her the total [8.77 as opposed to 7.42] and she was like "yall dont do senior discounts here? the other store never charges me" no you obstinate cow, we have NEVER done senior discounts, and youre definitely LYING. if you wanted your free queso so bad you should have gone to that store honey! she grumbled but paid with a 10. you dont get to tell me what to not ring up. ive never seen you before in my life. i couldnt care less what the ~other store~ does for you, supposedly. this isnt that store. die mad about it.
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gwisingegooli · 6 years
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yikes lol... i can’t believe that just happened...
i accidentally let it slip i was going on a tinder date to brian and he got belligerently drunk... when he ain’t sober he cray.... he told me to take all my shit and leave and he doesnt want to see me anymore and to just leave
he’s fucking yelling, stomping the ground and hitting his chest and shit and yelling
i’m just tryna dip but he keeps saying like NO all your shit
and it’s just like... thats hella unreasonable but i can’t really reason w this guy... i’m not worked up at all, just realizing theres no way i’m gonna get through to this guy
eventually the cops knocks on the door, and they question us separately... the cop questioning me checked if i was ever physically assualted but it wasn’t like that... the cops inside eventually talked brian down to letting me have one day to move all my shit...
one cop came out and was serious as fuck telling me that i had to move out. i was like oof, okay. i get you.
i just felt fucking bad, i knew he was yelling and shit but i didn’t know how to get the fuck outta there
the cops gave me a ride to amy’s place and i’m gonna crash here for the night. i have some stupid required club shit i need to do from 8:45 but afterwards i’m gonna go to the women’s center and they’re gonna help me find a place to stay...
sigh...
first of all i’m mad chillin, dont worry bout me, i be outta this mess. shouldn’t have played w fire. needed to realize i was playing fucking carelessly with some crazy fucking fire... i thought we knew what was going on but i was definitely being naive and irresponsible, cause id be really friendly and cutesy w him, which i obviously shouldn’t have been doing. even if i was being clear about him never having a chance. when he fucked up he gets so emo and enraged about this unresolvable shit but it’s just breaking his fucking heart.
i definitely brought this upon myself by not thinking and even trying to be in each other’s lives lol and me being me and him being him
just nope
anyways i’ll be safe and take care, i know yall worried about me, but dont worry too much cause i’m actually chillin
the cop questioning me recommended therapy and then was like its for students and i was like lol yah u right also i’m paying for it anyways
sigh....
the cops were so nice and handled everything really well, though. they made me feel comfortable, and i even managed to perk up a few times cause they were so nice and funny
i just can’t believe this happened, i’m in this situation. i know now i just needa fucking close this gd chapter... and honestly now brians outta my fucking life even though he’ll probably want me back later
things are totally cut clean. i don’t even care about him anymore cause we toxic to each other, jeez. fuck him, me first, i dont need to care about him. and i’m glad i gave him a reason to kick me out of his life, right? haha yikes
i’m in a good place in life and with who i am rn. this shit isnt phasing me. its just like smh i can’t believe this shit HAPPENED to me lol. like i’m homeless bc my ex flipped his shit on me and the cops had to come....... jeeeeeeez.......
yeah i know pretty smh but its all good i livin life and ownin shit and havin fun still
also my tinder date went fuckin awesommeee and i really met and connected w someone today so it was lit.
its just a wild end to a day that was p fucking great LMAO
pls leave ur thoughts and concerns below. always tryna be honest w yall, yall are truly a support system even if sometimes its like i know i know LOL i love all of yall and i always feel the love and i’m thankful for it. we a family.
thanks for followin my adventures and carin about me. i’m always just tryna do my best but still gettin into shenanigans and makin mistakes. ill just always grow and think about what i’d do better next time, and do it. peace. ✌🏻
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anti-mistajules · 5 years
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For the aromantic asks, would you pick which ones you want, or if you could do all of them? I’ve never heard about it before but I’m really curious and would like to know more from your point of view
Well bc you’ve never heard of it before here’s a little definition I got from here (if u wanna read more about it):
An aromantic is a person who experiences little or no romantic attraction to others. Where romantic people have an emotional need to be with another person in a romantic relationship, aromantics are often satisfied with friendships and other non-romantic relationships.
What arospec label(s) do you identify with?
I’m just plain ol Aromantic
Sexual orientation?
Bisexual
Are you romance-repulsed?
To a degree? I don’t usually mind seeing romance in media, I just get a little uncomfortable with seeing PDA and when people view me in a romantic way I feel like physically sick.
Do you relate to voidpunk?
Do I relate to what now?
What kinds of attraction (romantic, sexual, aesthetic, sensual, platonic, etc) do you experience?
Sexual, aesthetic, and platonic definitely! Im not too big on sensual attraction and I don’t feel romantic attraction at all.
How do you like to show people you (platonically) love them?
I’m a huge ‘acts of service’ and ‘gift’ person! I do whatever I can to make things easier for my friends and try to give them gifts they love and deserve! I also like to spend time with them when I can and talk about whatever! Basically if I can talk to you on the phone or in person past 12am, I love you friend!!
Do you want to remain single all your life or do you want to have some sort of life partner?
I wanna remain single, I really need my alone time I couldn’t imagine living with someone for an extended period of time.
If you want one, what is your dream partner?
no! 
Which is your favorite of the 3 aromantic flags?
Uhhh fuck im not too flag savvy??? I like this one:
Tumblr media
Your opinion on soulmates?
allonormative as fuck and perpetuates the idea that you need another person in your life to ‘complete’ you which is complete garbage!
Your opinion on shipping?
Shipping is fun but I don’t get too into it.
Do you ship characters in romantic/sexual relationships, or do you only ship characters in familial and platonic relationships?
Honestly all of the above but mostly platonic and sexual.
Are you out to anyone in real life?
My close friends and my immediate family. Or at least I tried to come out to them but they were just like “you won’t get married?? Ya right lol ur stupid” and I didn’t use the word ‘aromantic’ so I guess technically im not out to them?? Its not something I hide, but when explaining it to others I don’t use the word bc I don’t wanna explain or want people to think im one of those “tumblrinas’ who ‘make up orientations’ bc there’s a lot of negativity to unpack there so I just don’t bother
How did you come out?
Once I found out what aromanticism was I immediately related to it so I told my best friend first and we had a conversation about it and then Id just be like “hey I don’t get why people date people…I don’t wanna do that” to everyone else.
Do you know any aromantic people in real life?
Nope! I would love to meet some!!
How do you feel about your aromanticism?
Honestly its so freeing…I feel very validated knowing there’s a whole community of people who feel the same way I do about romance. Im pretty proud to be aro with my friends and online but irl to my family and acquaintances Im not as open with it.
What is the worst part of being aromantic?
The lack of representation and the constant erasure. I highkey hate being grouped with asexuals so much bc not every person who is aro is ace and vice versa! They’re separate orientations but they are NEVER treated like it and its so annoying. (THIS IS NOT ACE HATE!! I SUPPORT ACES WITH ALL MY ARO HEART!!! LOVE YALL!!)
Also the constant fear that you cant be friends with the opposite sex bc they’ll always want to be romantically involved and that your allo friends will leave you for their S/O lol
ALSO WHEN UR PHONE CHANGES AROMANTIC TO AROMATIC >:///
What is the best part of being aromantic?
Not being in a relationship lol people complain so much about their relationship troubles and im like ‘damn COULDN’T be me’
How did you find out about aromanticism?
I found out through either Tumblr or google I cant remember which??? Or maybe I saw it on Tumblr and googled it? Either way Tumblr was a factor
When did you know you were aromantic?
I tried dating my best friend and ended it in like 3 days bc I felt so fucking weird about the whole thing like very uncomfortable??? Like I felt like I couldn’t talk to him about certain stuff anymore and just being called someone’s “girlfriend” makes my skin crawl. I always had some weirdness around romance but I thought it was just bc I haven’t “found the right person yet” but if anyone was the “right person” it was my best friend and I couldn’t do it. So I did some research and found out about aromanticism, related so hard, and have been very happy with the label ever since.
Do you have any aromantic headcanons?
SONIC THE HEDGEHOG AND BRUCE BATMAN WAYNE ARE AROMANTIC AND YOU WILL PRY THOSE HEADCANONS OUT OF MY COLD, DEAD HANDS YOU COWARDS
What would be your dream representation of an aromantic/aro-spec character?
An aromantic character who is allosexual (preferably bi) who loves their friends and family and would do anything for them! Doesn’t go “EW!!! GROSS!!” At romance but is just like “nah ill pass, loving my friends is all I need!” and isn’t super oblivious to romantic gestures or infantilized/made into a joke for not being interested in romance. Also if they call out allonomativity that’d be tight
Who is your aromantic icon/idol?
NOBODY BC THERE ARE NO AROMANTICS IN MEDIA
What is your favorite song that relates to aromanticism, or is simply not about romantic love?
Analysis Paralysis by Awake at Last (At least I don’t get a romance vibe off of it??) and Sonic Youth by Crush 40 for all you Sonic fans out there. (And honestly most sonic songs are aromantic BANGERS)
What is your favorite movie that is not focused on romance?
BATMAN V SUPERMAN !!!
What is your favorite tv show that is not focused on romance?
POKEMON !! Im gonna be honest with y’all I think the reason Im aro is bc I watched nothing but Pokemon until I was like 10 (I didn’t stop I just also watched other things) and it is the least romance oriented show ever like….while y’all where out watching Disney princesses ‘fall in love’ or whatever I was crying over Pikachu’s Goodbye so don’t talk to me about heartbreak. Also Ash and Pikachu’s friendship (and of course his friendship with all his traveling partners) really fucking resonated with me and I think thats why I hold my friends above all else.
What popular romantic pairing do you see as only platonic?
SONAMY
Do you experience squishes?
I think I’ve had maybe one or two but they went away quick once I realized that I just like this person bc I think we’d be good friends and I get excited at the thought of making longterm friends.
Do you own any aromantic pride merch or outfits? What are they? If not, what would you like to own?
I do not but id love to own a flag or two
Do you have any advice for anyone who may be questioning if they are aromantic or on the aromantic spectrum?
Just own it. I’m actually actively trying to take my own advice bc like I said I don’t use the word irl but like,,,if you think you’re aro or somewhere on the spectrum, find a label that speaks to you and just own it. Being Aromantic isn’t cringey, its a valid orientation just like any other and I will fight anyone who says otherwise. Ive spent too much time pretending to be alloromantic just to fit in, I’ve embarrassed myself too many times by pretending to be allo, Ive gone too far into my life pretending to be something im not just because its easier for others to understand. Ive gone through too much to discover my orientation to have some fucking losers on the internet tell me that its ‘not a real orientation’. Im aromantic. I feel comfortable in that label and no one can take that away from me.
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