shmi skywalker adhered to the jedi code more than anakin ever did
okay that's a very clickbaity title but i was rewatching the phantom menace and i found it so interesting that shmi actually demonstrated non-attachment and adhered to the jedi code with regards to anakin two different times during her brief screentime! i think it's important to emphasize this because shmi was anakin's only parent and primary influence during the early stages of his life. anakin's tendency towards attachment is not a result of shmi's parenting- it's despite it. so let's go through it!
the first instance of shmi's non-attachment occurs when she is presented with the notion of anakin racing on boonta eve in order to help qui-gon and padme. she explicitly says she thinks the racing is "awful" and tells anakin, "i don't want you to race." but she sets her own feelings aside- she lets go of her fear about anakin and prioritizes the greater good. the greater good, in this case, is padme and qui-gon's mission, and its implications for naboo.
shmi recognizes that her fear is not more important than an entire planet: "i may not like it, but he can help you... he was meant to help you," she says. there are also implications that she is listening to the will of the force here, and that she understands this is what anakin was meant to do.
the second instance of her non-attachment occurs when anakin is freed and she is not. she is the one who requests that qui-gon take anakin with him to coruscant to become a jedi. though she is clearly sad to part ways with him, lamenting to qui-gon that "he was in my life for such a short time," she still encourages anakin to go.
here, shmi recognizes that her desire to keep anakin near her is not more important than what is best for anakin. i've written a post here about the fact that shmi struggles to understand anakin's unique status with regards to the force, and that she turns to qui-gon and the jedi for help. shmi knows the jedi can help anakin grow this special part of him that she "can't explain" herself. she also knows that doing this will make anakin happy: she tells anakin that going with qui-gon is a chance to "make your dreams come true."
and she even drops a little nugget of wisdom, straight out of the jedi code, onto anakin. wisdom that anakin will later reject from the mouths of people like obi-wan and yoda, even though it is the exact same thing shmi believes, the exact same thing shmi is shown to have taught him. "you can't stop change, any more than you can stop the suns from setting," she tells anakin. "it is time for you to let go... to let go of me."
it's not a coincidence that shmi's screen time in the phantom menace is exclusively spent adhering to the jedi tenets of love without attachment. shmi is human, and she feels love just as anyone else. she feels scared when anakin is in danger, and she feels sad at the idea of not having him near. but she does not allow this to take precedent over the greater good, whether that is for the planet of naboo or for anakin himself.
that is non-attachment. it is letting go of someone- not because you don't love them, but because you do. and shmi skywalker is the very embodiment of it. when anakin rejects obi-wan's advice about letting go, when he refuses yoda's advice that death is inevitable, he is not just rejecting the jedi's philosophies. he is rejecting shmi's values as well. the further he sinks into attachment, the further he is forsaking his own mother's memory. that's the tragedy.
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hi! your blog is one of my favourites and i absolutely adore reading your thoughts. my grandfather recently passed away and it feels like i lost myself with him. how do i continue living after this? there is this constant weight on my chest and it feels like an emptiness has made a home inside of me. how do i go on when it feels like the world crashed on my shoulders?
hello, love! this is so very sweet and kind of you, and i hope you're treating yourself gently and kindly right now - there aren't words for a loss like this. that heaviness is difficult, and hard, and painful. it's okay if things don't feel okay, right now, or even soon - i think that's something that a lot of the people i know that have gone through similar grief feel: like they should be able to get back to a relative 'normal' in a [insert far too short period of time].
but it's okay if it hurts. that's where i'd like to start. you're allowed to feel that emptiness, that world-crashed feeling that goes beyond words, beyond time. don't feel like you have to rush this to feel some sort of better. things get easier with time, i promise you this, but sometimes painful feelings are important to feel, too. cry, scream, feel your emotions. they're a part of you. grieve.
it's perhaps a little silly, but when i think about death i always think about a couple of space songs: mainly drops of jupiter by train and saturn by sleeping at last. there are perhaps others that speak to the emotions better, but these two have always hit something a little deeper for me, and are popular for a wide-reaching reason.
and while personally i don't know much about grief like this, i do know a lot about love; and i think they're a lot of the same thing.
the people we love are a part of us, and this is why it takes from us so deeply when we lose them, because it does feel like we've lost a part of ourselves in the wake of it. but it's because they were so central to our experiences of living - our lives, that the separation introduces a hollowness - a place where they used to be. a home that now goes unlived in.
an emptiness, like you said.
but just because they're not here physically, doesn't mean he's not still there, in your heart, in your life, your memory. you can hold him close in smaller ways, as well: steal a sweater, or cologne/scent for something a little more physical and long lasting for remembering. hold onto the memories you cherish, the things that made you laugh, the ease of slow mornings and gentle nights. write them all down, slide a few photographs in there, go through it and add more when you miss him. keep them all close, keep them in your heart.
you're not alone, in this. he's still there, with you, it's just - in the little things.
he's with you in the way you see and go about your daily life, in doing what he liked to do, in the ways he interacted with the world that you shared with him. the memories you recall fondly when the night is late or the moment is right and something calls it into you like a melody, an old bell, laughter you'd recognize anywhere.
but i think, perhaps most importantly above all others - talk about him. with your family, your friends, his friends, strangers; stories are how we keep the people we love alive. the connections they've made, the legacies and experiences they've left behind, and so, so many stories.
how lucky, we are - to love so much it takes a piece of us when they go. grief is the other side of the coin, but it does not mean our love goes away. it lives in you. it lives in everyone who knew him, in the smallest pieces of our lives.
the people we love never really leave us, like this: they're in how we cook and the way we fold our newspapers, our laundry, in the radio stations we tune in to and the way we decorate our walls, our photo albums. they're in the way we store our mail, organize our closets, the scribbled notes in the indexes of our books. the meals we love and the drinks we mix, the way we spend time with one another. they've been passed down for generations, for longer than history - and we are all the luckier for it.
think about what you shared with him, and do it intentionally. bring him into your life, like this, again. whether it's crosswords or poetry or sports or anything else. if one doesn't help, try another. something might click.
i hope things feel a little easier for you, as they tend to do only with time. i hope you find joy in your grief, even if it is small and hard to grasp at first. know that your hurt stems from so much love that there isn't a place to put it properly, and that it is something so meaningful and hurting poets and storytellers have been struggling to put it into words and sounds that feel like the fit right for eons, and that it is also just simply yours. sometimes things don't have to make sense. sometimes they just are - unable to be put into words or neat little sentiments, as unfair and tragic as they come.
but i promise it will not feel like this forever. your love is real. and perhaps, on where to begin on from here - i think it's less on finding where to begin and just beginning. and you've already started. you've taken the most important and crucial step: the first one.
wherever you go, after that, from here? you'll figure it out. you always have, and you always do. it'll come, as things always do. love leads us, as does light - and you're never alone in your hurt. in your grief, your missing something dear to you. i think if you talk about it with others, you'll find they have ways of helping you cope as well - and they have so much love of their own to spare, too.
as an aside, here is the song (northern star by dom fera) i was listening to when i wrote this, for no other reason more than it makes me think of connections, and love, and how we hold onto the people we love and how they change us, wonderfully and intrinsically. it's a little more joyous than the others i've mentioned, and plays like a story, and it made me think of what is at the core of this, love and stories and i am here with you, and maybe it'll bring you some joy, if you'd like it. wishing you all my love and ease 💛
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Fernando Alonso on High Performance
[What about for you personally? Because we speak to loads of former sportspeople who say, "I didn't take one moment to enjoy my career because I was too focused on winning."]
"Same. [Laughs] Same, I regret that. I regret that. When I won the 2 championships back in Renault, and then during my Ferrari time, it was—it was good, but you are so focused on the next race and the next weekend. You finish one race, you may win the race and when you go to the airport you are already thinking about next weekend, so you land at home and then you text your engineer 'we need to test softer at the rear because the traction was very bad in this race,' y'know, these kinds of things and uh… Yeah, I think with age and now, at this point of my career—like the podiums of this year—it seems that when I re-watch the race on TV, I seem the happiest, on the podium. And just—I was third! Two times, second. But it's because I'm able to enjoy more of those kinds of moments. So yeah, celebrating every weekend is part of my thing now."
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