#another poem written awhile ago

[stardustndreamsofsilver]

I'd Wait Forever For You

Jake x Reader

Warnings: cursing, angst

“Hello?”

“Hey. It’s me.”

“...”

“Will you meet me?”

“Our spot?”

“Yeah.”

“I’ll leave now.”

The line went dead. 

How long had it been? You couldn’t even remember the last time you’d spoke. Years. It had been years. Sighing, you drop your head into your hands. Rubbing your face, pushing your hair back and taking a deep breath in, you stood to throw on some shoes and grab your keys.

Getting into your car, you headed to the spot you’d once visited everyday. Somewhere that had once been a holy place to the two of you. Where you’d had all your firsts. Where you had shown him your favorite books. Where he’d taught you how to play guitar.  Where you’d written countless poems, lyrics, and confessions of love to one another. Where you'd planned a future together. The place you'd swore you would fix up together and make your home.

Where you’d ran when he left. The place you searched frantically for any note, any hint, as to why he left and didn't say good bye. Where you fell to your knees, pleading whatever was listening to please bring him back to you.

You pulled into an empty parking lot, where a little grocery store used to stand, and parked the car. Getting out of the car, you headed to the woods around back. You made your way through the woods like you’d never stopped coming here. Finally, you saw it. A little abandoned farmhouse. A candle sitting in the window to guide you.

As you stepped onto the porch, the floorboards creaked, announcing your arrival. Taking a deep breath, you opened the door and went inside. When you walked inside, you saw him. Sitting in an old velvet chair you’d brought here all those years ago. 

“You came.”

“You called.” You said, dusting off a wooden chair and taking a seat.

“It’s been awhile.”

“It has.”

“I'm really glad you came.” He said, leaning forward in his chair, resting his arms on his legs.

“Jake, why did you call me here?” You ask, shifting in your seat. 

“I wanted to see you.” He says, looking down at his hands.

“Is that it?” You ask, crossing your arms.

“No.” He says, looking back up at you. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for the way I left things.”

“You mean the way you left without saying goodbye? The way you didn’t ever tell me you’d been signed and were leaving?” You ask, anger and hurt lacing each word.

“Yes. I’m sorry for everything. I’m sorry I was so young and stupid. I never should have left you.” He says, clearing his throat to try and keep the tears at bay.

“But you did. You left me and never looked back.”

“I did. I always looked back. There wasn’t a single second that passed that I didn’t want to come back to you!” He says, voice rising and standing to his feet.

“Then why didn’t you call? Text? Hell, even write a goddamn letter? It has been years, Jake. Why now? Why do you feel like coming back here now?” You ask, standing as well.

“I don’t know.” He says, running his hands through his hair. “We were back in town and I saw you coming out of that coffee place you used to love. I don’t know. Finally seeing you after all this time— It was like I’d been holding my breath ever since I left you behind and the moment I saw you I could finally breathe again.” He says, stepping closer to you and reaching for you.

Stepping away from him and holding up your hands, you say, “You don’t get to just come here and act like we can just pick things up where you left them. Do you even know how long it took me to finally let you go? It took me three years Jake. For three years I waited for you to come back to me. No. I’m not doing this.”

“I’m not asking to pick up where things left off. I know I fucked that all up. I’ll never be able to apologize enough for what I did. I know you’re not the same person you were when I left and I’m not the same either. Baby, I’m just asking for a chance. A chance at a fresh start. A chance to try regaining your trust and love. A chance to love you the way I should have back then.”

“Jake, it’s not that easy. I need time. I don’t know if I even want to risk you leaving again. I don’t know if it would be worth it.” You say.

“I’ll wait for as long as you need. I’d wait forever for you.” 

#jake kiszka #jacob thomas kiszka #jake gvf #jake angst #jake x reader #jake greta van fleet #gvf jake #gvf blurb #gvf imagine #gvf fic #gvf angst #greta van fleet #greta van fic #greta van angst #gvf series #greta fic

[scgolden]

A collection of poems

Miscellaneous poems, all written in 2022. They include the thoughts of a lump of clay, unformed, an invitation, a sequel to a previous poem, and a few more. __________________________ Long ago, part of me was formed into a dolphin.  Mold glaze fire.  I know not where that dolphin has gone.  Home alter trash.  Maybe, soon, another part will become something new.  Tool toy scrap.  I like wind chimes the best.  Hang sway chime.  But until then, I wait, in dark silence with my peers.  Mold glaze fire.  __________________________

Cold is the opposite of hot.  Is, the opposite of not. 

Smile is the opposite of frown.  Up, the opposite of down. 

Land is the opposite of sea.  You are the opposite of me.  __________________________

Come inside, and sit awhile.   Come and watch the fire. 

I don't know who you are, my friend.  I don't know how long till our ends.  I don't know all so many things.  I a tree, trunk with so few rings. 

Until the day comes when I am older,  Come sit awhile, until our fires turn to smolder.  __________________________

No matter where I go, I'll take you with me. No matter how long ago I left you behind, you will stay with me. I can tear at my clothes and my hair and my skin, I can cry all my tears, and you'll stay with me. When my heart stops beating, and my soul is wrapped in a blanket of stars, you'll be with me. When the earth cracks over and flames lick the sky, when our souls have fled and our bones have charred, each halfway across the universe from each other, you'll be with me. And later, after days and nights have lost their meaning, and stardust is all that remains, we'll meet again.  __________________________

The calm sky, building to a frantic crescendo, a lighting sky flecked with grey-blue. 

I can see your fear in your eyes. It speaks to me. 

Lighting reaches from my limbs, clutching the sky with bright fingers. 

The violent energy urges me to run. To fight. 

The rhythm crackles loudly, I cannot hear my own thoughts. 

It beats to a pounding, my heart caressing in panic. 

Each blink is rough against my breath. 

#poetry #poems #poem #writing

[polarbearqueen3527]

Hate Is

Seeds of thought - a poem

Hate is a disease

It evolves

And spreads

When I was younger

I noticed

That hate spreads

Like a weed

I think every mind

Is an ecosystem

Of sorts

Made of what

That one person

Believes

Of course

To say that what

A

Human

Holds to be true

Is

Just the same

As an

Environment

Will never

Be true

Analogy isn't

Perfect

But it can help

A whole lot

Give it a shot

Some things are small

And don't matter

That much

Like exactly what

Blue

Means

Or what is in a

Jambalaya

These

Are like

Rocks

They exist

And they can matter

But don't cause change

On their own

They are beliefs

They are part

Of the ecosystem

Of a mind

Some things

Matter

A whole awful lot

Like how we tell

What is true

And what

Is not

These are like

The climate

And the mountains

And the streams

Maybe

They can be changed

But they resist

Alteration

Quite a lot

They influence

What ideas can grow

If one believes

That the king rules

By will of g-d

The ideas of

Democracy

Are

Hard

To take

To heart

But just about

Everything

Big

Or small

Will resist

When something tries

To kick it out

But not everything

Is a peak or a rock

Some things

Are somewhere

In

Be

Tween

Like the towering old oak

That is a thought

Like the idea that

The internet

Is never wrong

There are many ways

That that tree

Could stop providing all the shade

That mushrooms of conspiracy

Flourish in

Maybe

Another idea

Could grow

So tall it blocks out

The sun that shines

On the oaks leaves

Or maybe

A disease

Of doubt

Could start to cause

It's roots

To rot

Or one of

Many

Other things

Could topple that old oak

Some quickly

And some not

Many ideas spread

From one person

To another

Seeds of plants

Or spores

Of fungal rot

Communication

Is an exchange

Between one mind plot

And another

Sometimes

Having very little impact

Sometimes

Having quite a lot

But the thing I noticed

Long ago

When I was

Nine or ten

Was that

Some

Ideas

Spread

Like weeds

Just like any idea

The first thing they spread

Is a simple seed

That starts to sprout

But the weeds

Grow like crazy

Taking all the spots

That used to be filled

By other types of thought

And sending many seeds

Into

Other

Plots

Of course

What is a weed

Depends apon the spot

That it grows in

And whether

It is

Bad

Or

Good

Is

Also

A plant

Or maybe

A creature

Perhaps

A deer

Of

Right

And

Wrong

That feeds

On what it

Sees

As wrong

There's not just one,

Either

Worry squirrels

Skitter

Spreading

And planting

Seeds

Both

Found from outside

And grown

From within

Willpower snakes

Prey on worry squirrels

And

Lazy hawks

Hunt them

However

The difference

Between

A plant

Or a rock

Or a squirrel

Or a snake

Or a deer

Or a tree

Isn't as big as it seems

They're all

Thoughts

After all

But

In the end

Some ideas

Will spread

Like

Weeds

Or

Diseases

Flowering

In thought plots

And causing harm

And what I have wrote

To you

Is part of this

Great system

Too

The idea

That

Hate

Spreads

Like a weed

Sprouted

In my mind

One day

This is a seed

Of that idea

Because

I hope that

A better awareness

Of the beast

Of hate

Could help

Us

Fight it

More

Authors note 1 (written at the original time of this poems writing):

I think that these metaphors work so well because in some way the two are the same.

Evolution occurs when self replicating things that contain variation experience selection.

this is why the diversity of life formed, and I think evolution affects ideas, too.

figuring out what you believe is the selection, people telling others their ideas causes replication.

Authors note two (written at the time of posting)

I wrote this poem awhile ago, and it hasnt been edited. I might edit it one day, but I want to share it now.

The idea of hate as a weed first came to me when I was being driven home from school and I saw an empty plot with wild mustard in it - wild mustard is a highly invasive species where I live, it can really take over wherever it gets.

#My art #poetry

[dropkickspindle]

I have been on-and-off obsessed with Heian Japanese literature since about 4th grade, when my mom got me a picture book about various historical women. One of the women featured in the book was Murasaki Shikibu, author of the Tale of Genji and the Murasaki Shikibu Nikki (Diary). She was a court lady-in-waiting who, in between serving one of two rival empresses, wrote what is often touted as the first ever novel, or at least first ever psychological novel. She was writing during a time of great change and innovation in written Japanese, where the kana syllabary offered writers, mostly women (men tended to use the formal Chinese script that was used in court documents), an easier writing system to use for works in Japanese. Another court lady, Sei Shonagon, in the court of the second rival empress, wrote the Pillow Book, a collection of observations, lists of poetic themes or things that annoyed or delighted the author, memories of better times and funny anecdotes. Izumi Shikibu wrote about her affair with her late lover's brother, and the woman known only as Michitsuna no Haha (Michitsuna's mother; most nobles in this time period did not use their names, but referred to themselves as each other by court ranks or jobs they or other relatives held) wrote about the loneliness and distress of a forgotten wife in a polygynous society. It's a really unique time period in history, and created a lot of great works. In translation they're best read if you really, really like footnotes. The Pillow Book (Meredith McKinney's translation is my favorite English translation) is the most accessible, imo, a look into a work that's half mean girl burn book and half elegy for a woman and a court and politics that were, for Sei, the golden days. Tl;dr I love Heian literature.

In Heian times, love letters (a frequent subject in the works of the time) were knotted after being written, as opposed to folded official or platonic correspondence. Being able to compose poetry was an essential skill in the court, and a precursor of the haiku was frequently used, with 5 syllables-7-syllables-5-7-7 as the format. For a project I have on the back burner I needed to learn to write this style of waka. I also have a huge collection of ink samples that I do eventually want to get through, so several years ago I started writing Heian-style love notes to my beloved, based on the names of ink samples and written in said ink. I also stripe the opposite side of the poem's paper in the fountain pen ink I've used, so they're pretty and colorful and help empty out my sample vials. I've been doing this intermittently for the past several years, whenever the mood takes me. And today it took me through ten poems, which was nice-- it's been awhile since the words have flowed.

(I'm not including any of the poems here, but the Spousewife loves them and that's what's important)

Inks used today, from left to right, top to bottom:

Laban Athena Grey

Diamine Crimson

Private Reserve Black Cherry

Diamine Tyrian Purple

Pelikan Edelstein Mandarin

Ferris Wheel Press Freshly Squeezed Sunshine

Ferris Wheel Press Frivolous Lime

Sailor Man'yo Koke

3 Oysters Delicious Peacock Green

Van Dieman's Wilderness Azure Kingfisher

One day I will take a picture of the glass vase that we keep the finished knotted letters in, but we're in the middle of prepping for a move across the country. Anyway, this project has been a really nice way to marry my love for Heian literature, buying fountain pen inks, and my spouse.

[hotchley]

🐨 Hello hello! It’s been a minute! I kinda forgot to send stuff. Let’s see, what’s going on….

In three months, I turn eighteen, and in five months (how is it only five months??) I graduate high school. That is insane and a little terrifying. Like, I’m ready to be done with high school, but at least I know high school, you know? College is an unknown variable and I don’t know what’ll happen. I’m optimistic about it, but it’s hard not to be dreading it a bit.

The poetry is going well! I had another poem accepted by a literary magazine, which I was super excited about. Speech is also going well. I’m giving a speech about heteronormativity, and it’s been really amazing to get to talk about something that I care about so much and have people listen. I’ve tried to explain to so many people so many times what heteronormativity is and why it drives me crazy, so it’s nice to feel like I’m actually doing something, even if it’s something small as a speech.

Oh! Guess what? I won my first ever speech tournament!! We were in another state and me and my roommates stayed up watching late night shows because I love those, and it turns out they do too! And the road trip was chaotic and amazing. Hearing my name called as first place and my teammates cheering and getting a standing ovation (that’s just speech etiquette, but still felt very cool!) was seriously amazing.

I’ve finished all my college applications, so now I just wait. I’ve heard back from a few…all positive so far, but there’s one with a 6% acceptance rate that’s my dream school but it’s insanely hard to get into. I’m thinking I’ll go into journalism. I love writing, and I want to do something that’ll help people/make a difference, so. It seems like a good option. But I have four years of college to figure that out, haha.

I’ve always wondered the difference between a barrister and a solicitor! In America, we have different types of lawyers like attorneys and prosecutors. It can get a bit confusing.

I get to go to a wedding in a few months! My karate senseis. We’ve known they’re getting married for awhile, but we got our official invitations at class last night, so that was cool. I’ve never been to a wedding before, except for one when I was 4 that I don’t really remember. Both the senseis are really awesome people, so I’m excited to get to go and celebrate them.

I was looking through your other blog again…I still adore your writing. Your poetry is so powerful. It definitely inspires me and my writing! And I’m still keeping a Happy Jar on my phone :)

Hi. Hi. Hi. Ummmmm... there is no reason for why I haven't answered asks apart from the simple: I haven't. I have no idea when you sent this but it was an embarrassing amount of time ago. I am hoping it hasn't been three months?

It's always terrifying! I felt the same way because I spent seven years at the school. I was genuinely terrified I wouldn't be able to handle being away from there because they have always kept me okay. But it's been several months since I left and I'm doing okay. Things settled. So be cautiously optimistic, and like I always tell kiddos, your education will always be waiting for you when you're ready. That's how it works. So there's never a rush.

Ah that's so good! I'm so glad you get to do it on something you like. And it's not just a speech. When I was in year eight, I did a speech workshop that was also a competition and I talked for a minute about the value of a human life. People cried. People three years later still remembered it. Our words, whether written or in passing, impact people. Something my friend said months ago that she's forgotten about has stuck with me. It'll be a good speech. It will have impact.

And congratulations on winning!! That's amazing and so cool and you really deserved it!

Journalism is so cool! I mean, you've tried to get in. Rejection is always hard, and if it happens, you need to let yourself feel sad and cry and whatever, but the knowledge that you didn't get in is infinitely better than the sadness of not even trying. I promise.

It's more that barristers go to court and solicitors usually don't. The main reason there hasn't been fusion is because of tradition and also the way people are paid is different- barristers are self-employed, solicitors usually aren't etc.

I LOVE WEDDINGS! I went to two last year, and I also went to the pre-wedding functions which was an experience. One was my cousin- her and her husband are the sweetest- and the other was my dad's friends daughter. That was during my A-Levels, which was chaos, but it was also my first English wedding so that was super cool! Weddings are fun for me because i love love and speeches and the dressing up and aah.

Awww. I think that's the nicest compliment I've ever been given about my writing! The Happy Jar has migrated to a notebook for 2023 and it's much, much easier now so the phone was the way to go!

#koala kate <3 #🐨anon #people talk to me #for the bad days

[shadoopshoobeedoo]

these are the reasons for which you should not love me

~written 2 years ago, tweaked, still relevant

I. you already know all the good things about me. why would you mine for the bad?

II. i’m not a lover; I will kick and scream and push and slam doors. it is in my nature to be defensive.

iii. I believe I know everything, although i know you are smarter than me.

iv. my bad habits are isolation, starving myself, nicotine, and wrecking my car. when things get heavy I tend to pick 3 at a time.

v. there is nothing I can’t function without; I carved “adaptable” into my forearm at age twelve.

vi. I hate too many things about myself to have this huge of an ego.

vii. everyone works off my schedule. I have never turned the ringer of my phone on.

viii. I grew up in the suburbs with married parents and kombucha in the fridge and I still learned to pack a bowl before I learned to drive.

ix. my party trick is disappearing; I'm good at not leaving a trace.

x. I'll forget your birthday. every year. forever.

xi. sometimes, I wake up at 6 am to make sure my heart is still beating. I've never stopped having nightmares.

xii. I don’t give a fuck about money unless it’s another reason to work.

xiii. on nights when I cry for the first time in awhile, I write poems like this to restore order in my life. I hate tears and I hate roman numerals.

xiv. every time you try to forget me, I'll be right here reminding you.

xv. you will try to stop. you will look at this list daily and agree with every raw and retched reason and you will try to stop.

but you can’t. and you know that.

and I am still here,

list or no list.

#poetry #I wrote this #q of poems #q

[dogteefh]

“

you claim you’ve changed,
and maybe that’s true,
but not where it matters,
not where it’s due.




”

— a snake can shed its skin too

#a snake who sheds its skin is still a snake #another poem written awhile ago #poetry #spilled poem #spilled poetry #spilled words #spilled thoughts #spilled ink #an excerpt from a book i'll never write #relationship poetry #abusive #toxic #toxic relationship #angry #angry poetry #love #love poetry #toxic poetry #wiclit #savage-words #brokensoulsreborn #re-bumbleblossoms #writerscreed #poetpardy #poetryportal #mine #change #growth #ex

[rosa-qing]

Themis-Scenarios

Artem Wing

🥀.notes: Kinda inspired by this poem ( Soulmates - Lang Leav )

🥀.words: 623

Masterlists

A banquet is being held in one of the villa in Stellis, the hosts is one of their clients. Their were invited as a thanks for representing her on court. The banquet was in full swing, people are drinking and some are dancing in to the sweet tunes the band plays.

Among the crowd, Artem holds her in his arms, his arms wrapped around her waists as hers circled around his neck. They sway slowly in tune of the song, neither of them bothered by the crowd its like they’re lost in their own world.

His gentle gaze is fixated on her that she could see her tiny reflection in his azure eyes, but she couldn’t help but feel that there’s this strange familiarity in those eyes. Every time she looks at it. The feeling that they’ve knew each other a long time ago. That Artem stared at her the way he’s doing it now.

“What are you thinking ?” He asks snapping her attention back to him

“Did you think our paths have already crossed each other before we’ve formally met?”

Artem thought about it for awhile, suddenly his lips tugged upward in a smile as if he’s remembering a fond memory.

“Remember when you told me, during your college years you went to stellis bookstore to search for that one law boo. The clerk told you that someone got the last stock moments ago but as if luck was on your side that person abandoned the book and gave it to you. It was me, I saw you talking to her the look of disappointment is written all over your face when you heard someone got it before you .

Looking at the book on my hand and thinking that you need it more than me so I told one of the staff to give it to you. Looking from afar I could see your face light up as you received the book. There’s a smile on your lips that’s bright as the sun for a moment I was captivated by it that I couldn’t avert my gaze on you then slowly a warm feeling envelops my heart. It was only a chance encounter but later did I know that years later I’ll end up being with you.”

She was stunned, never could she imagined that at that time it was Artem that helped her. Even before they formally met each other, he was already there. She never believed in soulmates and destinies but right now that’s all she could think of. She buried her face on his chests.

“What’s wrong?” concern flashed before his eyes, he tilt her chin up to see her face clearly. He notice a tear on the corner of her eyes, reaching out his thumb gently brush it away.

“At that time I thought I was so lucky that the person abandoned that book. But now I feel that it wasn’t luck or such, but it was fate. Cause out of all the people that could have been there it was you. And the person whose now standing by my side is also you.”

He pulled her in a hug burying his face on her hair while running his hands on her back.

“Fate or Luck, we can call it whatever we want but there’s one thing that I’m sure of, that from the start my heart already belongs to you. And that will never changed.”

Hearing his words, she hugs him tightly not uttering a another word

By the time party have ended, they leave the venue with their hands interlocked and hearts in synced. They took glances at each other, as an unspoken words looms over them

Thank you for coming into my life...

Published: 2-19-2022

#🥀:themisscenarios #tears of themis x reader #tears of themis #artem wing x reader #tot artem #tot x reader #tears of themis artem #artem x reader #artem wing #artemrosa

[writing-in-april]

A Tale of Two Poe’s

Poe Dameron x Gender Neutral Reader

Summary: AU where Poe Dameron and Edgar Allan Poe both exist in the Star Wars universe. Reader finds a book containing the writings of Edgar Allan Poe and just can’t wait to show her Poe.

A/N: This is a purely self indulgent fic lmao 😂 this AU idea where Poe Dameron and Edgar Allan Poe exist in the same universe came into my head a while back and I just had to write it. Idk if it’s weird or not but I enjoyed writing it lmao- also obviously credit goes to Edgar Allan Poe for all his stories and poem excerpts I use. @writefightandflightclub and @sergeantkane are definitely my go to for Poe fics if you’re curious and they always inspire me to write more for Poe but- there are so many other amazing writers for Poe too. I’ll have to make a fic rec list for him soon. This also is my second fic for my 1000 follower celebration!!! I want to thank you all so much again, this is so surreal!! Thanks for reading and requests are open!!

Warnings: Uhh- a sexual innuendo & talk of death in the war I think that’s it...

Main Masterlist Word count: 2.2k

The amount of bookstores that were left in the galaxy was such a small and minuscule number, most people just used their data pads to read, that is if they read anything at all. It was such a shame, in your opinion. No data pad could truly recreate the magic of a physical book.There was nothing better than opening a book, new or old, the parchment smell wafting around under your nose as you fully enveloped yourself in the words on the page.

You had stopped in at the old library after you had completed a routine information pick up for the resistance. The planet you were on was the beautiful Naboo and you had a couple hours to kill before your partner, Poe came with his x-wing to pick you up. The little vintage book store stood out in the ethereal metropolis of the big city, and you were instantly drawn to it.

When you entered the little shop it was filled wall to wall with books, you had never seen so many books in your life before. Personally, you only had three that you kept on top of your small dresser that you put the small amount of clothes in. They weren’t interesting books to say the least, mostly consisting of military procedurals from your early days in the academy, besides one novel written on a planet far away called Earth named “A tale of two cities”. The book shop made you want to take all of them back to base and read every leisure novel you could ever want to read. However, there was no real time and you didn’t have the money to take all the books home with you, so you settled on picking one that really grabbed your attention.

The book that caught your eye was a black hard cover, so thick because of how many pages it held that you could barely hold it in one hand. The spine said “The complete collection of stories and poems by Edgar Allan Poe” and just by flipping through it a little you gathered that it must have also been written on the planet Earth, just like your one other novel. You loved the other novel and you knew that you were definitely going to bring this book home, even if you didn’t enjoy it at least you could tease Poe about the shared name. But, you had a feeling you were going to enjoy it.

You opened the book to another random page written by the person who held a similar name to your man and landed on a page that had a poem by the name of Annabel Lee. Poems were not something that were often seen in the galaxy anymore, even on the data pads that everyone used. They had fallen into obscurity as a form of literature that was obsolete and pointless.

The poem instantly had you hooked just in the first few lines, it was definitely a sad poem, as you suspected the rest were as well. But, the beautiful well written rhymes seduced you like the sirens you had heard about from Ahch-To. Though, Rey had told you the Thala-sirens were not nearly as beautiful as the myths would have you believe. Realizing that you were getting tight on time you rushed to check out the book, you didn’t want to worry Poe. Once you had paid the kind older lady who ran the shop you ran quickly out to your rendezvous point where Poe was already anxiously waiting.

“Kriff- there you are, I was worried something had happened to you.” His eyes were a bit frantic looking and hair disheveled. he had undoubtedly been looking around for you in worry while running his hands through his hair and had been pacing. Poe needed to learn to relax every once and awhile, he was often an overworrier and was often overworked.

“I’m only a few minutes late, relax. I just had to pick up a little surprise for you.”

“A surprise? What is it?” He reached to grab the parcel that the book had been wrapped in by the owner of the shop. You swiftly pulled the package away from him, you wanted it to be a surprise for later, when you both could relax.

“Hands off- I’ll show you later, be patient.” His indignant sigh only caused you to roll your eyes while you both climbed into the x-wing, with you sitting on Poe’s lap. He was so dramatic sometimes. Maybe, someday you’d get to come back to the bookshop on Naboo to get some more books, with hopefully Poe in tow next time.

—-

When we got back to base you were vibrating with excitement in anticipation of showing Poe the book that had an author with the same name as him. Throughout the entire briefing with Leia she could probably tell that my mind was in a far off place, almost like you still had my head stuck in the book. When she’d finally dismissed you after you had gone through the mission debriefing I bolted to our shared quarters. Once you had gone in the fresher for a quick wash and got dressed for the night you hopped in your small bed that you shared with Poe, but not before grabbing the new book you had added to your collection.

“Come to bed, I’ve got something for you.” You said as soon as Poe got through the door. He always had to check in with the main mechanic that worked on his x-wing right after he came home on a mission, it was the only way he would ever let anyone touch black one.

“Oh? Is it that surprise you were talking about earlier?” His signature cheeky smile that he flashed you while he stripped off his flight suit let you know immediately what he assumed the surprise was.

You threw his pillow he used at him, then accosted him playfully,“It’s not what you think it is you horndog, I’ve got a book for you.”

“A book? You know I don't know how to read.” You wished that you had a third pillow to throw at him in that moment, but you didn’t want to lose your own pillow. There had been many times in your relationship where Poe had stolen your pillow to mess with you and you weren’t about to give him the upper hand.

“Shut it, I’ll read it to you, you big baby.” He was now dressed in your favorite ensemble besides his flight suit, a white tank top, boxers, and nothing else.Patting the bed right next to you, you finally got him to come over to you. He sank down next to you on the bed, making sure to immediately cuddle up into you, you then spoke again,“But, before I do I want you to see what the Author’s name was.”

Handing him over the hardcover he looked at the name on the spine with furrowed brows, then letting out a breath of laughter once he read the Author’s last name. He didn’t read often like he had joked earlier, but he definitely could read the big gold leaf cursive letters that said, Edgar Allan Poe. “Woah, that’s cool. He would’ve been cooler if he had Poe for his first name though.” In response to another cheeky comment from him I bonked him on the head with the book before I started to read, “It was many and many a year ago,   In a kingdom by the sea, That a maiden there lived whom you may know   By the name of Annabel Lee; And this maiden she lived with no other thought   Than to love and be loved by me. I was a child and she was a child,   In this kingdom by the sea, But we loved with a love that was more than love—   I and my Annabel Lee— With a love that the wingèd seraphs of Heaven   Coveted her and me. And this was the reason that, long ago,   In this kingdom by the sea, A wind blew out of a cloud, chilling   My beautiful Annabel Lee; So that her highborn kinsmen came   And bore her away from me, To shut her up in a sepulchre   In this kingdom by the sea.” As you lilted your voice through the poem you could feel Poe sinking down further into relaxation, which was good since he hardly ever relaxed. He was always on the move all the time because of his vast responsibilities as a commander in the resistance. To be honest, you could do with some more relaxation like this in your life, just you, Poe, and a charging BB-8. You must have paused for a second with your reading because Poe looked up at your with his deep caf colored eyes in question, prompting you to continue, “The angels, not half so happy in Heaven,   Went envying her and me— Yes!—that was the reason (as all men know,   In this kingdom by the sea) That the wind came out of the cloud by night,   Chilling and killing my Annabel Lee. But our love it was stronger by far than the love   Of those who were older than we—   Of many far wiser than we— And neither the angels in Heaven above   Nor the demons down under the sea Can ever dissever my soul from the soul   Of the beautiful Annabel Lee; For the moon never beams, without bringing me dreams   Of the beautiful Annabel Lee; And the stars never rise, but I feel the bright eyes   Of the beautiful Annabel Lee; And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side   Of my darling—my darling—my life and my bride,   In her sepulchre there by the sea—   In her tomb by the sounding sea.  — why are you crying?”

A few small tears had welled up in the corners of Poe’s eyes with one spilling over to run down his scruff covered cheeks. He sniffled a bit, wiping away the tears before speaking, “Just reminded me of you and how much I love you. I don’t like thinking about you dying, I don’t think I could survive.”

Your heart broke a little, but also felt filled with the feeling of love. You knew there were even more dark times ahead in the war, you had both even had a conversation of what would happen if one of you passed. You even had letters that were to be read by the other if something were to happen. Even though you had discussed this before, you agreed with Poe, you never wanted to think about what the galaxy would be like without him.

“I’m not going anywhere.” You ran your fingers through his hair in an attempt to smooth him a bit. You felt a little bad that you had not realized how much it might affect Poe, so you decided to shift the subject to something that hit less close to home, “I’ll read something a bit different. They’re all dark, but I’ll pick one that you’ll enjoy more.”

You then began to read the Cask of Amontillado, which was a story that you both could relate to personally less which meant you could both fully enjoy the story.

“You were right, I liked that one.” He took the book from your hands to inspect the black book further, “How old is this book?”

“I don’t know, probably pretty old. I’ll have to take extra good care of it.”

“Yeah, just as long as that doesn’t become your favorite Poe in your life.” Poe’s signature cheeky grin was back on his face, then tilting his head up to nuzzle his nose with yours.

“Ok, Edgar.” A wide cheeky smile was now on your face, proud of your ‘clever’ new nickname for Poe.

“No no no that nickname better not stick.”

“But- your hair looks so similar to his! Look at all those dark messy curls! I’m keeping the nickname.” You flipped to one of the earlier pages of the book that had a short biography at the front about the author with a print of a portrait of the author. His expression soured once he looked at the portrait, realizing that his curls did in fact, look like the Author’s. He let out a fake disgruntled sigh that did a horrible job of hiding his underlying happiness and flopped down back on the bed to cuddle up with you for the night.

The entire resistance was confused why you had started calling Poe, Edgar whenever you wanted to tease him. But, you guys kept the secret of the tale of two Poe’s, the only people who knew the origins of the nickname were you and your Poe. The nickname definitely wasn’t going anywhere.

—-

Tag list (message me if you want to be added)

All works: @shotarosleftpinky​ @oreogutz​

Poe Dameron/SW:

#poe dameron x reader #poe dameron #star wars #oscar isaac #poe dameron imagine #star wars imagine #oscar isaac x reader #1000 followers #1000 follower celebration

[lovemesomesurveys]

Are you currently wearing anything red? Yeah, my shirt is red and my shorts and socks have red on them as well.

Have you had a deep conversation with anyone today? I just got up like 20 minutes ago and haven’t left my bed/room yet. 

What would you say is the most disgusting thing you’ve ever tasted? Seafood and wasabi are some of them.

What was the last food you got a random craving for? A hot dog. I have a like/hate relationship hot dogs, ha. It’s one of those things I have to be in the mood for and that’s very, very rare. It can be years.

Has anyone/anything made you angry recently? No.

Who did you last go to the cinema with? My mom.

What was the last song that got stuck in your head? “Stay” by The Kid LAROI ft. Justin Bieber has been stuck in my head for days.

When was the last time you listened to it? A couple days ago.

Who was the last person to say something thought-provoking? Hmm.

On your Facebook friends list, who was the last person to have their b-day? I don’t feel like checking.

How old were they? -- What did you/are you having for dinner tonight? Fridays are always my Wingstop nights.

Is your best friend in a relationship? Yes.

How old were you 5 years ago? 27.

What is something you enjoy doing, but aren’t good at? I like to sing, but too bad I can’t.

Who was the last person you talked to, whose name started with ‘C’? One of my cousins.

What colour are that person’s eyes? Brown.

Name some healthy foods that you enjoy eating. Spinach, bananas... lol that’s bad that I can only think of two things...

What is your favourite Studio Ghibli film? I haven't seen any.

Do you have a favourite hair accessory? What does it look like? I like the new flower and butterfly clips I got.

What’s your favourite type of insect? EW, NONE.

What’s your LEAST favourite type of insect? ALL OF THEM.

Who was the last person you Facebook messaged? My aunt.

What’s his/her favourite food? Hmm. I’m not sure.

Did you have a good day yesterday? What did you do? Eh, it was alright. I didn’t do anything out of the ordinary.

When was the last time you went to a fancy dress party? It’s been a very long time since I’ve dressed up.

Who/what did you dress as? Uhh.

What genre was the last film you watched? Did you like it? I saw The Suicide Squad the other day, which is like action/superhero/adventure. I didn’t like it. :/

Have you made a sandwich today? What did you put on it? I had one with my ramen last night, which was after midnight, so yeah. It was a bologna sandwich with just Colby Jack cheese, mayo, and mustard.

If your best friend was a fictional character, who would he/she be? Why? Hmm.

Do you remember the last time you overheard part of a random conversation? Sometime this past Wednesday.

Did it make you feel awkward? No.

What were you doing at 10 o'clock this morning? It’s only 7:42AM.

How many vowels are there in your first name? 4.

What was the last song you listened to? Does it mean anything to you? I don’t remember at the moment.

What flavour was the last cupcake you ate? Red velvet.

When was the last time you complimented a stranger? I don’t tend to do that.

What’s your favourite milkshake flavour? Banana or strawberry.

Have you had an interesting or amusing dream recently? Not that I can recall.

Do you know how old your favourite actor is? Yeah, he’ll be 45 this month.

Is there anything worrying you right now? Always.

If so, have you talked to anyone about it? It’s ongoing stuff that has been going on for awhile.

Is there anything you desperately want, that you can’t have? Sure feels that way.

When will you next see your best friend? Maybe in an hour? She’s still asleep.

Apart from sleeping, what do you plan to do tonight? My usual nighttime routine.

What’s the age difference between your parents? 4 years.

You can only have one flavour of ice-cream for the rest of your life. Which do you choose? Strawberry.

Are there any foods you’ve been craving, or eating a lot of, just recently? Chicken strips from Jack in the Box.

When was the last time you wanted to do something, but didn’t do it? Recently, I’m sure.

Why did you choose not to do it? *shrug*

When was the last time you ate an apple? I can't remember.

What’s the nicest thing your best friend has ever said to you? I don’t know, there’s been a lot of things throughout my 32 years of life.

Have you ever experienced a hangover? Yeppp. Not fun.

What was the last food or drink that you tried for the first time? I don’t recall.

Did you like it? --

What do your friends think of the person you’re currently interested in? There’s no such person, currently.

Name one of your favourite foods, that starts with the letter ’S’. Sandwiches.

The last time you hung out with your sibling(s), what did you do? We watched that new Disney+ Marvel show, “What If...?” that just came out.

Who was the last blue-eyed person you spoke to? My dad.

Is there a person you’d like to speak to right now? No.

Why that person, specifically? --

When you woke up this morning, what was on your mind? I was feeling achey.

At this moment, what are you most looking forward to? Nothing at this moment.

Do you have any scented candles in your home? What scent(s)? Nope.

Are you planning any special outings with family or friends? No.

Who were the last 3 males you talked to? My dad, brother, and... the cashier at the movies the other day.

Do you ever wear lipstick? What colour(s) do you prefer? Nah.

If you have a pet, when did you last pet him/her? Last night.

Do you have a favourite Celine Dion song? Nope.

Name one of your favourite foods, that starts with the letter 'C’. Chicken tenders.

Does the person love/like have a car? What colour is it? --

Have you ever received a compliment on anything you’re wearing? My mom said my pjs were cute.

Have you had any caffeinated beverages today? Not yet.

What was the last alcoholic drink you tried for the first time? I don’t remember.

Did you like it? --

Have you eaten any chocolate today? What kind? Not so far.

The last person you kissed - are they older or younger than you? He’s a year younger.

When was the last time someone wanted you to do something, and you refused? Hmm.

What’s your favourite feature of the person you’re currently interested in? --.

How many people have you hugged today? Zero as of now.

Do you have a favourite hair colour or eye colour on your preferred sex? Blue or green eyes are really pretty.

Do you remember the first CD you ever bought? The first one I remember buying myself is Ashlee Simpson’s CD.

Is there anyone on your mind atm? Not really.

The last song you listened to - does it remind you of anyone? I don’t remember what song that was.

Is your birth year an odd or even number? Odd.

Have you eaten any of your favourite foods today? Yeah, ramen and a bologna sandwich are a couple of my favorites. I’ll have Wingstop for dinner.

What did you have for lunch yesterday? Chicken tenders from Jack in the Box.

Who was the last person you Facebook messaged? What’s his/her star sign? My aunt. I’m not sure.

How many different towns/cities have you lived in? Two.

What are your parents’ middle names? I’m not sharing that.

Are your eyes the same colour as your sibling’s? My younger brother’s are lighter.

How many pets do you have? Would you like any more? One and that’s a good fit for us.

Do you prefer still or sparkling drinks? Still.

Is there a song you can’t stop listening to atm? No.

Did you have a strange or interesting dream last night? Probably. I rarely ever remember them, though.

Which friend do you confide in most? --

Who was the first male you talked to today? What colour are his eyes? My brother, whose eyes are a lighter brown.

Are you wearing any accessories in your hair? Describe them. No.

When was the last time you felt ill? What was wrong? I always feel crappy some way or another.

If given the chance, would you change anything that’s happened today? Not much has happened so far, I’ve been up for like an hour.

Who was your first best friend? Do you still speak to that person? These two girls in preschool, Crystal and Starr. We lost touch after preschool, unfortunately.

Do you like your middle name, or does it embarrass you? Yeah, it’s fine.

Are you wearing anything that was given to you as a gift? Yeah, my mom bought these pjs.

Have you received any compliments about your appearance today? Nope.

Have you ever written a song or poem for someone special? Nope.

Have you ever had an argument with the last person you text messaged? Yes.

What colour is your shampoo bottle? Red.

Are you attracted to the last person you Facebook messaged? Uh, no, she’s my aunt.

Do you have any ice-cream in your freezer? What flavour is it? Yeah, Funfetti.

Have you spoken to any of your neighbours today? Nope. We don’t talk with the exception of a “hey” now and then.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

[declaredworthless]

A FADED IMAGE OF ME...

FOR A LOT OF YEARS I'VE KEPT A PICTURE LOCKED AWAY INSIDE MY HEAD.NEVER ALLOWING IT TO BE SEEN BY ANOTHER'S EYE. I PROTECTED IT AT ALL TIMES. 

WHAT WAS TRAPPED FOR ALL TIME INSIDE THAT MOMENT I WANT TO LEAVE FAR BEHIND. BUT HERE IT REMAINS FOREVER AND A DAY. 

IVE WRITTEN ABOUT IT MANY TIMES LITTLE BITS AND PIECES ONTO THESE LINES OF MY NOTEPAD.

PRAYING SOONER OR LATER ANOTHER WOULD TAKE THE TIME TO SIT AND READ WHAT IT IS I HIDE DEEP INSIDE MY MIND.

A THOUSAND WORDS IVE SPILLED WHILE STRUGGLING TO SPELL IT OUT IN A POEM TITLED "" MY LIFE"". THE MISTAKE OF ALL TIME MADE ONE EARLY MORNING BEFORE DAYLIGHT.... 

I WAS FILLED WITH ANGER SO DEEP DOWN IN MY SOUL FROM THE PAIN THAT CONTROLLED MY LIFE. I STRUGGLED WITH SO MANY EMOTIONAL THOUGHTS OF ENDING THE FIGHT. 

AS I DROVE AROUND THIS TOWN I GREW UP IN LOOKING TO FIND WHAT MY MIND. BODY AND SOUL CONSTANTLY CRAVES ANYMORE...

A MOMENT OF RELIEF.. JUST A FEW SECONDS OF INNER PEACE... NO MORE ACHES . NO MORE SELF HATE TO FACE EACH NEW DAY.. JUST ONE OR TWO LITTLE PILLS OF SHAME 

O

PHONE CALLS. TEXT MESSAGES ALL DAMN NIGHT A WASTE NO DOUBT. AS I SLOWLY REACHED THE POINT OF NO RETURN..

I PULLED INTO THE DRIVE AND GOT OUT AND WALKED INSIDE THE DEVILS HOUSE.. PAIN DRIPPING DOWN MY FACE I ASKED ONCE MORE.. ANY PAIN PILLS AROUND... 

NOTHING I KNOW ABOUT . MOSTLY HARD STUFF FLOATING AROUND. ITS PLENTIFUL IN THIS TOWN. I CAN GET WHATEVER YOU WANT. JUST NO PILLS.  

I STOOD THERE FOR A MINUTE MORE LOOKING AT THE BAGGIE LAID OUT IN PLAIN SITE.. I ASKED WHAT HE HAD AND THE WORDS SPILLED SO FAST... 

LET ME TELL YA ABOUT THIS HERE. IT'S CLEAR. YOU KNOW CRYSTAL. SHARDS. ICE. OH AND YEAH.. THE DEVIL'S DAUGHTER TO SOME I GUESS.MOST JUST CALL IT PURE DEATH.. BUT IT'S ACTUALLY METH... 

IT'LL HELP YOU IN MANY WAYS. EVEN EASE THE PAIN YOU FACE. ONE LITTLE LINE IT'S ALL IT WILL TAKE. SNORT IT AND YOUR LIFE WILL CHANGE.. 

I'LL TELL YOU UPFRONT WILL NOT LIE TO YOU MY FRIEND. IT'S THE BEST THATS EVER BEEN. IT'LL TAKE THE BLUES TOTALLY AWAY AND FILL YOU WITH SOMETHING GREAT.. 

IF YOU WANNA TRY IT. HEY HELP YOURSELF. BUT LET ME WARN YA. IT BURNS REAL BAD WHEN YOU SNORT IT . BUT ONLY A SECOND OR TWO. THE RUSH WILL COME ALONG SOON AND BAM. 

LET ME ASK YOU THIS MAN. DO YOU REMEMBER BACK WHEN YOU WAS YOUNG. WILD AND FREE. JUST DIDN'T GIVE A DAMN. WALKED TALL AND HEAD UP HIGH.. REMEMBER.. 

WELL THESE LIL SHINY SHARDS OF GLASS LAID OUT. THESE ARE THOSE DAYS OF LONG AGO.. GO AHEAD I'LL BE FINE. JUST SPREAD IT OUT IN A SMALL PILE.. 

SMASH IT INTO A FINE POWDER WITH A CARD. LINE IT UP AND SNORT AWAY.. YOU'LL SEE WITHIN A FLASH. JUST HOW GOOD THIS SHIT IS..  

THINK ABOUT THE TIMES WHEN. WE BUSTED THIS PILL AND THEN THAT PILL AND WAS ON A SPEED BLAST. YEAH.. THAT'S WHAT THIS DOES .BUT SUPER FAST.. 

LIKE THE CLOWN WHO FELT LEFT OUT. I LEANED OVER TO HAVE MY ROUND. STRAW IN HAND IT WAS DONE. ONE SECOND FILLED WITH A FIRE GONE WILD.. THE NEXT A RUSH I'LL NEVER FORGET ...

I RAISED UP AS TEARS ESCAPED MY EYES. FROM THE BURN I FELT DEEP INSIDE. SMILING AS IT ARRIVED TO CHANGE MY LIFE... 

I SOON FELT MYSELF BEGIN TO RELAX AS THE POISON FLOWED ALL AROUND. IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE I FELT THIS ALIVE.. 

 

A MOMENT OF TIME FOREVER CAPTURED IN MY HEAD. I CLOSED MY EYES AS I SUNK DEEPER INTO THE FEELING. I REMEMBER IT WELL THE WORDS I SPOKE.. 

THERE IT GOES ONCE AGAIN.WATCHING MY LIFE BECOME A FADED IMAGE OF A TIME I CAN'T FORGET.. THIRTY MINUTES OF FEELING GREAT. I FELT IT CREEPING TO THE SURFACE. 

THE CRAVING OF WANTING A LITTLE MORE. JUST DON'T WANT TO FALL TO THE FLOOR. BUT LIKE ALL OTHER DRUGS I'VE DONE. THE BITTER MOMENT WOULD COME.. 

THAT ULTIMATE HIGH YOU FELT FOR AWHILE WOULD SLOWLY SLIP OFF INTO THE NIGHT. AS YOU BEGIN THE COME DOWN OF ALL TIME.

ONE MORE LINE YOU GOT TO DO. NOT READY TO FACE THE BLUES.. POUR OUT A SMALL AMOUNT. BUST IT UP AND LINE IT OUT.. SNORT IT FAST TO AVOID THE BURN.. BUT IT'S NO USE. 

A SECOND OF HOLDING MY NOSE ITS CREEPS IN AS THE BURN FADES. FEEL IT AS YOU BEGIN THE CLIMB. TELLING YOURSELF NOW ITS ALRIGHT.. 

A FEW HOURS GONE ON BY WHILE YOUR CHASING THE BUZZ. ONE LINE AFTER THE OTHER IT'S DONE. THE LITTLE BAGGIE LAYS THERE EMPTY. 

GRAB THE PHONE SEND A NOTE NEED A LITTLE MORE YOU KNOW. ARE YOU GOOD. CAN YOU HOOK ME UP. A HOUR LATER ITS RIGHT BACK ON.. 

SITTING HERE ON THIS SOFA LOST IN MY THOUGHTS. WHEN IT ALL HIT YOU REALLY HARD. A GRAM YOU STARTED OUT WITH. SHOULD OF WENT SLOW I GUESS.. 

WRITING POETRY ABOUT MY TRIP BACK THEN.

WISHING IT WAS SOMETHING I NEVER DID. 

HEARD THE RIGHT SONG PLAYING LOUD

STEPPED IN WITH THE DEVILS DAUGHTER FOR A DANCE.. 

NEVER SEEN IT COMING. NEVER FELT HER GRIP. JUST SEEN THE IMAGE OF FADED DAYS OF MY LIFE.. WASTED MOMENTS I CAN'T GET PAST. WHILE STRUGGLING TO FILL THESE BLANK SPACES... 

FROM A COLLECTION OF POEMS

MY DARKEST MOMENTS

BY NOEL POTTER JR

#addiction #abuse #death #dark #emotional

[romionestinyballoflight]

Here’s one more, because I’m in that kind of mood tonight I guess. Also, a little disclaimer: I chose to completely omit certain questions because I just wasn’t comfortable answering them. 🤷‍♀️

1. Are looks important in a relationship? — There should be a standard, but it shouldn’t be the most important thing.

2. Are relationships ever worth it? — With the right person, they are.

3. Are you a virgin? — Yes.

4. Are you in a relationship? — No.

5. Are you in love? — That would be no.

6. Are you single this year? — Yep.

7. Can you commit to one person? — Absolutely.

8. Describe your crush. — He’s very sweet and caring and genuine. Also really calm and mild mannered and funny.

9. Describe your perfect mate. — Basically what I just described for the previous question.

10. Do you believe in love at first sight? — No, I believe in lust at first sight.

11. Do you ever want to get married? — Yes.

12. Do you forgive betrayal? — Usually, but it takes awhile.

13. Do you get jealous easily? — I guess, but it fades quickly. I don’t like living like that, jealousy is an ugly emotion.

14. Do you have a crush on anyone? — Yep.

15. Do you have any piercings? — I had one in each ear, but I had to let them close up.

16. Do you have any tattoos? — Three so far. I want at least three more.

17. Do you like kissing in public? — I don’t mind it, but it needs to be low key. I’m not into heavy PDA like I used to be.

20. Do you shower every day? — Yes, I can’t stand feeling like I’m not clean.

21. Do you think someone has feelings for you? — I mean, I can hope.

22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? — Maybe, anything’s possible.

23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat? — Lasted a little over a year without cheating, so yeah.

24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years? — Anything’s possible, but as of right now I would say probably not.

25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year? — Not really, I’m trying to work on myself right now.

26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you? — No.

27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you? — No.

28. Have you ever been cheated on? — Not that I know of.

29. Have you ever cheated on someone? — No, I could never do that.

30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body? — The only kind of plastic surgery I have ever considered, are breast implants because I feel like I’m kind of small and I’m kind of self conscious about it, but breast cancer runs in my family and implants interferes with detection.

31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl? — Many times.

32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love? — Yes, on both sides. I’ve had guys feel things for me that I didn’t reciprocate and then I’ve felt things toward guys that they didn’t reciprocate.

35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you? — No.

36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends? — Pretty much every time I’ve had a crush.

37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated? — YEP.

38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to? — Almost every time I’ve crushed on someone.

39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have? — Mm hmm.

40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone? — Yes.

42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander? — Uh, a decent amount of time. I’m very into kissing, so I like to savor it.

43. How long was your longest relationship? — A little over a year.

44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had? — One.

45. How many people did you kiss in 2012/2013? — None.

47. How old are you? — 26.

48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say? — Something supportive, I wouldn’t try to interfere.

49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her? — No boyfriend for me right now.

50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept? — I would accept the apology, but I don’t know if I’d be able to accept the presents.

51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for? — Maybe my crush, but that’s it.

52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why? — I can’t think of anyone right now, but I don’t give up on people easily.

53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are? — I’m not really talking to anyone, I just have the crush.

54. Is there someone you will never forget? — A few people.

55. Share a relationship story. — So I was at a Christmas tree lighting festival with the guy I was dating at the time, and we went behind one of the buildings where it was (it took place in downtown) to fool around (this was about ten years ago, and I was more into PDA than I am now), and we were interrupted by a drunk guy stumbling back there to take a piss. Not the most interesting story, but it’s the first one I thought of.

56. State 8 facts about your body. — 1) I really don’t like anything about my physical appearance. That’s really all you need to know, I can’t think of seven more things.

57. Things you want to say to an ex. — Not to sound like Adele, but I really do wish nothing but the best for him.

58. What are five ways to win your heart? — 1) Humor; 2) Thoughtfulness; 3) Genuine and Caring; 4) Patience; 5) Trust.

59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!) — Okay, you asked for it.

60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners? — I’ve only had one boyfriend so far, and the age difference was seven months.

61. What is the first thing you notice in someone? — How they treat people around them, I guess.

62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you? — Prove I’m the only one they’re thinking about, I guess.

64. What is your definition of cheating? — Anything that you feel you need to hide from your partner when it comes to another person.

67. What is your idea of the perfect date? — Something casual and fun, can’t really think of anything specific right now.

68. What is your sexual orientation? — Straight.

69. What turns you off? — Bad hygiene, cockiness, rudeness.

70. What turns you on? — Humor, generosity, caring.

73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you? — Hmm, I really don’t know.

74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for? — Height. I prefer if the guy I’m dating is taller than me.

75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you? — The first one that came to mind is the guy I’m currently crushing on told his supervisors without hesitation that he was going into work late one day because I had to have an EGD done and I needed someone take me there and back home.

76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone? — I’m really into baking for people I care about, and I’m also not shy about telling people how much they mean to me. Sorry about not getting more specific, but I can’t think of anything specific at the moment.

77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships? — They’re fine, but to a point.

79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why? — Last week, because my mom had to get a new vehicle and she basically got what I’ve been wanting to get for a long time now.

80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them? — Last night, I think. I said it to my mom.

81. Who are five people you find attractive? — 1) Dan Radcliffe; 2) Josh Hutcherson; 3) Ryan Reynolds; 4) Leo DiCaprio; 5) Patrick Swayze (RIP).

82. Who is the last person you hugged? — My mom or my brother.

83. Who was your first kiss with? — My first boyfriend, Cody.

84. Why did your last relationship fail? — It had just run its course and it didn’t make sense to continue it. He’s the one who ended it, but I had been thinking about putting an end to it earlier that same day. So it didn’t end badly, and we were on the same page about it (though it may not have seemed like it at the time, because despite knowing in my heart it was done I was still horrifically heartbroken and I don’t handle rejection well).

85. Would you ever date someone off of the Internet? — Probably not, that’s a little too out of my comfort zone.

#Personal #Survey #Questions #About me

[intervital]

#100BrightMoments On April 7th, I'm going to start #The100DayProject where you do something creative daily for 100 days. Mine will revolve around bright moments where each creation must benefit at least one individual, and they can be my(future)self. Maybe a kind letter, a favorable review, portrait, etc. Something that can brighten someone's day. It doesn't necessarily have to be finished in a single day, but much progress must be done. Me and my future self can't be the recipient more than ten times.

Here are some ideas, and I'd like to do at least 30/42. For fun, each icon is based on the previous task. I really enjoyed doodline hehe:

💡 Fan mail

💌 Zine review

(Stapler) origami

(Book corner origami on a page) mail art [small scale artwork sent via post]

(Stamp) message of hope [mail a positive art work to be hung in the store windows of The Imaginarium of L. Delaney in New Orleans]

(Hung up sign of a butterfly) bookmark

🔖 Ode

(Scribbled lines then by Eileen) junk journal [handbound notebooks composed of junk ephemera like security envelopes, flyers, receipts, greeting cards, stationery, packaging, etc]

✂️ Care package

📦 Legacy The Sketchbook Project [original & tiny sized sketchbook projects for my future children]

(Lil & big ones) Art-o-mat® - Don't Go 'Round Artless! prototype [a hand-crafted small art object sold in converted cigarette machines across the nation. Maybe tiny junk journals?]

(Wooden block with a 💜) video for future ei [message for 5 years from now, when I'm 40, after giving birth, first time I fall in love]

📽️ Prayer

🕯️Time capsule [doesn't have to be buried, but should be sealed and has a written to open date]

(Shovel) @abandonedb2dbc on instagram (my guerilla art project where I abandon (loosely) connected books, lit mags, inspired written works & small gifts. Not sure how it'll work during Covid-19, but maybe I can catch up with the blog & story I didn't do for the last one.]

(Park bench has a ribbon wrapped book with gifts and a 🌼 beside it) The World Needs More Love Letters [a global project where each month you send letters to struggling recipients who could use some light]

(A stack of 📃✉️) book review

(Five ⭐s surrounding a 📗) meal

🍽️ The Wander Society

(⭕ with a ⚡ inside) printable [I'm not a graphic design whiz but maybe I can write up some quotes in ornate boxes? Idk lol]

(Sheet with different shapes) stickers

[My 2 in 1 sprocket printing out a sticker photo] flower arrangement

💐 Journal w/ me [video of me creating journal spread]

💻 Creative prompt

(Try with scribbled lines) underrated TV show review

📺 Sci-fi short film screenplay [an outline or a few pages]

(Potted Venus flytrap) guerilla art [artwork in public, so chalk quotes, zines outside, surprise bouquets, seed bombs. can't go outside unless absolutely necessary so maybe craft some stuff for when I can]

(🗑️ Next to a 📮 with a 🌟 sticker) cairn [artful stack of rocks, usually found in parks or hikes]

(Rocks on top of each other) #messagestoc [100 different messages in a 100 places, think I'm only on 4 lol. I'll just make one and save it for later]

(📖 With a postcard inserted) portrait [can be a photo]

📸 Book dedication [pick a book I wanna gift and write something sweet on the inside front cover]

(Dear --- I love you. Eileen) Rowan Hisayao Buchanan's # tinyisolations [she gives a weekly flash fiction/small art prompt. Randomly selected winners get sent money and also choose another person or charity that could use the help]

(☁️S surrounding a hot air balloon) Spotify playlist

🎵 @thedigitalsala (Twitter & Instagram handle) contribution [virtual Filipinx lit+ festival. Maybe I can read a piece, write a recap, organize a panel, transcribe]

🛋️ Guest blog [no clue where lol but maybe it'll manifest]

{Profile pic beneath ....... Eileen Ramos is a bipolar) video of a reading [preferably of my own work. But it would be fun to read a favorite poem or passage of an underrated author]

▶️ Handlettering [my handwriting is shitty but I think it'd be fun to try to do a quote. I could use the practice lol]

(📝 With a ✒️) Kleroteria [was chosen to write an email to be sent to 10k inboxes awhile ago. I have an idea but need more info & add other stuff. At most 3k characters, no pictures, links are ok, no ads]

📬 verse.press poetry playlist [website where you can create a themed list of poems]

(V icon) column [working on a pitch for a lit website; need to streamline & narrow it down]

(Greek column) FOUND Magazine entry [found magazine collects contributions of found notes. I have something to submit but idk where I placed them. Hopefully I'll come across it]

(Found mag logo) learningtoloveyoumore.com task [70 assignments by Miranda July & Harrell Fletcher which can be take a picture of your parents kissing, write the phone call you when you could have, recreate a poster you had as a teenager, photograph a significant outfit, write down a recent argument]

#100BrightMoments #the100dayproject #100dayproject #my oh mine #to do #doodles #handwriting #list

[huhnerhexen]

all for the other ask set!

I just took my painkillers, so I'm really high and I'm sorry if this makes no sense, I'm trying my best...

1. Are looks important in a relationship?

- yes, but they're not the most important thing. I can look past appearance, but if you're ugly on the inside it'll never work

2. Are relationships ever worth it?

- theyre worth it every time! Even if they fail, you learn a lot about yourself and they change you for the better

3. Are you a virgin?

- no

4. Are you in a relationship?

- no, my partner of about three years and I broke up a month ago

5. Are you in love?

- I'm in love with myself, which is more than I can say when I was in that relationship

6. Are you single this year?

- yes

7. Can you commit to one person?

- yes; I'm like a penguin... I mate for life

8. Describe your crush

- that's easy, I don't have one

9. Describe your perfect mate

- soft and sweet, generous, respectful of my boundaries, openly communicative, like my grandpa!

10. Do you believe in love at first sight?

- no

11. Do you ever want to get married?

- yes

12. Do you forgive betrayal?

- in time and with an apology, of course

13. Do you get jealous easily?

- I used to, but I've done a lot of work since then and I don't anymore

14. Do you have a crush on anyone?

- other than myself? no

15. Do you have any piercings?

- I have a nose ring, my septum pierced, 3 earrings in my right ear, and two in my left

16. Do you have any tattoos?

- 11; a bumble bee, a cat drinking wine, my rat's footprint, my grandma's signature, a sloth, the pisces constellation, the aurora borealis constellation, squirrel nutkin, my grandpa's signature, Snufkin and Moomin, and a lavender sprig

17. Do you like kissing in public?

- a quick peck doesn't bother me, but keep your tongue in your own mouth

There is no 18 or 19 in this series of questions??

20. Do you shower everyday?

- I've been bathing more than showering lately, but I do wash everyday

21. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

- I don't, but that's none of my business anyways

22. Do you think someone is thinking of you right now?

- no, I don't think so

23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

- obviously, I did that for 3 years. I don't cheat, it's wrong and it fucks people up

24. Do you think you'll be married in five years?

- maybe? I haven't given it much thought tbh

25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year?

- no

26. Has anyone told you they don't want to ever lose you?

- yes, and then they did

27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you?

- no

28. Have you ever been cheated on?

- not that I am aware of

29. Have you ever cheated on someone?

- no, I would never

30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?

- I've had plastic surgery twice; once in the ninth grade to fix me jaw, and two days ago I had top surgery

31. Have you ever cried over a guy or girl?

- yes, and what a waste of time that was

32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love?

- no

33. Have you ever had sex with a man?

- yes

34. Have you ever had sex with a woman?

- no

35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

-yes

36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends?

- yes

37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

- yes

38. Have you ever liked someone you didn't expect to?

- yes

39. Have you ever waved someone you couldn't have?

- yes

40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone?

- yes

41. Have you had sex so far this year?

- yes

42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander?

- depends on the person, but awhile, I really like kissing

43. How long was your longest relationship?

- almost 3 years

44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?

- I've had 6 partners

45. How many people did you kiss in 2012/2013?

- I can say with 100% certainty that I have no idea; I can't even remember what I had for breakfast this morning

46. How many times did you have sex last year?

- I don't know, sex isn't something I count

47. How old are you?

- 21

48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

- I'd ask them why, people love to talk about their crushes, I'd also encourage them to go after it. Just because I like someone doesn't make them mine

49. If you have a partner, what is your favourite thing about them?

- I don't have a partner

50. If your first true love knocked on your door with am apology and presents, would you accept?

- no, not yet. I'm not at a place to forgive Kai yet. I'm still working through and breaking down what they did to me

51. Is there someone you would do absolutely anything for?

- yea, my grandma

52. Is there anyone you've given up on? Why?

- I gave up on my dad's dad, Lane; he's just a genuinely awful guy and every time I've tried to extend an olive branch it's come back to bite me in the ass. He can be angry and miserable alone, I don't have room for that shit in my life.

53. Is there someone mad because you're seeing/talking to the person that you are?

- no, the people in my life are incredibly supportive of me in all my endeavors and decisions

54. Is there something you will never forget?

- what a classmate and friend wrote to my mom once when she was compiling a big note full of all the reasons people care about me. "There's nothing they could ever do that would be bad". Those words have been etched onto my heart for 6 years

55. Share a relationship story

- I'll tell you about my grandparents, and how they were made for each other. My grandpa worked for CBC and so did my grandma, but they worked in separate buildings, and one night my grandma's friend says "Elaine, come out for drinks with me and some of the guys" and my grandma really doesn't want to, but she's a polite lady so she does anyways. She winds up sitting next to my grandpa, and they don't say much to each other but his friends keep bugging him and making jokes about how he needs to "get home to his wife" (he isn't married, but he fancies my grandma and his friends are just trying to make him work harder for her). They wind up leaving at the same time, and they walk home together because they lived a couple buildings away from one another. My grandpa assures my grandma that he isn't married, he tells her he's going home to Red Jacket, Saskatchewan for Christmas, but could he give her a call when he comes home? She says yes; and a year later they were married. They've been madly in love with each other ever since.

56. State 8 facts about your body.

- I have 8 less teeth than the average adult; my eyes are two different shapes; when I learned to walk it was with a slight limp so now I always have one; when my body is really low on estrogen I get incredibly clumsy; I have 2 holes in my jaw from where a surgical plate was removed; I'm deathly allergic to peanuts; my limbs are so long, my fingertips almost reach down to my knees; I have a small groove in my head from wearing headgear when I was a child.

57. Things you want to say to an ex

- you always went on and on about how I deserved better, and you're wrong. It's not that I deserved better, you just didn't deserve me.

I have so much pity for you, because you have to live the rest of your life knowing what Ostin did to your mom, you did much the same to me. You acted the same as the man who makes you so sick. You're disgusting for what you did, and I hope you regret it everyday of your life.

58. What are 5 ways to win your heart?

- listen openly to me, tell me things that happened to you during your day, sending me songs or poems or little trinkets that remind you of me, laugh at my jokes, vocalize your feelings about me

59. What do you look like?

This is me and my roommate's cat, Anaan!

60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners?

- two years, he was 15 I was 17 and as soon as I learned how smol he was I couldn't get past it...

61. What's the first thing you notice in someone?

- their mouth, I lip-read so someone's lips and teeth is the first thing my eyes go to

62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do to/for you?

- oh gee I don't even know? Maybe take off my clothes for me, but like really slowly?

63. What is your definition of "having sex"?

- anything that gets the job done, y'know? wets the whistle

64. What is your definition of cheating?

- being physically intimate with a party outside of the pre-established exclusive relationship

65. What is your favourite foreplay routine?

- tease me until I want to kill you, and then fuck me until I can't remember my own name

66. What is your favourite roleplay?

- I don't have one. I did improv in highschool and doing any sort of "acting on the spot" makes me astral project back to that cringey time

67. What is your idea of a perfect date?

- one where it doesn't matter what you're doing, you never want it to end because you can never have enough time with the person you're with

68. What is your sexual orientation?

- queer!

69. What turns you off?

- people who are mean to animals

70. What turns you on?

- climate justice

71. What was your kinkiest wet dream?

- that will stay between me and the lord, thanks

72. What words do you like to hear during sex?

- none, if you can form words or sentences, one of us isn't doing our job right

73. What's something sweet you'd like someone to do for you?

- bring me flowers! No one has ever brought me flowers before

74. What's the most superficial characteristic you look for?

- probably wardrobe

75. What's the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for you?

- my sister moved in with me to take care of me while I recover from my mastectomy. I didn't even have to ask, she offered to do it

76. What's the sweetest thing you've done for someone?

My roommate and I had mice and squirrels living in the basement of our old house, and they ate and destroyed all of her old baby books and photo albums; so this year for Christmas I took all the pictures I had of us, and a bunch of pictures she had posted on her social media, and I made her a new photo book to preserve the memories she made these last few years.

77. What's your opinion on age differences in relationships?

- the older you get, the less age difference really matters, my roommate is 41 and her partner is turning 61 this year. I think so long as both parties are of legal age and consenting, do what you want. That being said, it gets iffy if the older party knew the younger person when they were a child; ie. Leonardo DiCaprio and his most recent girlfriend.

78. What's your dirtiest secret?

- I don't have one? I'm literally an open book... You can ask me anything

79. When was the last time you felt jealous?

- when an 8 year old girl came into the shop and told me her grandpa was taking her shopping for her birthday.

80. When was the last time you told someone that you loved them?

- on Wednesday, when I was saying goodbye to my grandma at the hospital (that sounds like a downer, she's fine, she had a knee operation and I went to visit her after work)

81. Who are five people you find attractive?

- LP, Ezra Miller, Joji, my ex boyfriend (they're mad cute, but they're ugly on the inside), Chris Fleming

82. Who is the last person you hugged?

- my mom, after she drove me home from the hospital and helped me get inside

83. Who was your first kiss with?

- a boy named Rhys, in the ninth grade. We were each other's beards before we even knew it

84. Why did your last relationship fail?

- a lot of different reasons; we kept fighting, they had no time for me, they wouldn't communicate with me, I had trouble trusting them, they sexually assaulted me and were hella manipulative, they forgot I existed a lot, there were a lot of red flags that we ignored until it blew up in our faces.

85. Would you ever date someone off of the internet?

- sure, I don't see why not!

Thanks for asking! Sorry it took so long to answer, I had to stop and nap a few times in between questions...

#answered

[blurry-fics]

Call It Off

Pairing: Tyler Joseph x Reader

Warnings: Angst

Word Count: 2910

Request: ohhh, just thought of another one.. how about one where reader sees Tyler is getting married in the newspaper and maybe she tries stop it.. he realizes he loves her after seeing her but it takes him a few days to come to the full realization? -@svintsandghosts

Author’s Note: The fic ended up being a little different to the request (I asked the requester if that was ok!), but I still love it! Also, I hope all of you haven’t minded all the really long posts lately. What can I say? I like lots of little details!

“I can’t do this anymore,” you sighed as you rubbed at your temple. Tears were still streaming down your face, clouding your vision. “I really tried, Tyler. I love you, but I just can’t do this.”

“Y/N, please, we can work something out.”

He reached forward, but his fingertips had barely grazed your arm before you pulled away from his touch.

“Please,” you muttered. Your voice was hardly more than a whisper. “Don’t.”

Your eyebrows furrowed as you looked down at the gold-lined envelope. There was no return address on the front and it was a rare occurrence that someone sent you a letter. You stuck a thumb under the flap and hastily ripped it open, not caring if the envelope was destroyed in the process.

A small piece of cardstock was inside the envelope, lined in the same gold foil as the envelope. There was a bad feeling in your stomach as you flipped over the card and began to read the writing on it.

“No,” you gasped. “That can’t be right.”

You reached for your phone and immediately dialed your best friend’s number. Tears were already beginning to pool in your eyes and you weren’t so sure that you would actually be able to get words out if your friend picked up.

“What do you want?” he answered.

“Tyler’s getting married,” you blurted.

“Come again?”

“Tyler,” you drew in a shaky breath.

“What about him?”

“He’s getting married.”

“To who?”

“I don’t know. Some girl, I don’t recognize the name.”

“When is it?”

“Um,” you wiped away a fallen tear so that you could read the invitation a little better. “Next Saturday.”

“Next Saturday? And you just got the invitation?”

“I don’t know, Zane, alright?” you huffed. The questions were getting tiring, all you wanted him to do was shut up and listen right now. “I’m just as confused as you are.”

“Y/N, you know you can’t go to that wedding.”

“I have to. I have to see him one last time.”

“No, you don’t. You’re finally moving past the breakup after years. Are you really going to risk all of that healing just to see him one last time?”

“I have to,” you repeated before ending the call.

You picked up the invitation and ran your finger along the edge as tears once again began to cloud your vision. It was supposed to be your name on the invitation next to Tyler’s, not this random girl’s. That had been the plan: finish the tour, get married, start the next album.

Then you had let your emotions get the best of you.

You watched as another formally-dressed couple walked behind your car, completely unaware of you sitting frozen in the driver’s seat. The car had been off for close to twenty minutes now, but you had still yet to open the door. Every time you reached for the handle, you hesitated.

Just as you were about to work up the courage to try again, your phone began to ring. Zane was requesting to FaceTime you and you knew exactly what his reasoning was. He wouldn’t be happy if he saw you all dressed up for the wedding. You held a finger over the camera and answered the call.

“Hello?”

You watched as Zane’s eyebrows furrowed, “Why’s the screen black?”

“Is it?” you asked, trying to sound convincing. “Must be poor connection. Why did you call?”

“We both know why I called. And we both know why your camera has ‘poor connection’.”

With a sigh, you flipped the camera around so that Zane could see your face. He shook his head a little once he saw that you were all dressed up and in your car.

“Why are you doing this, Y/N?”

“I already told you. I have to see him one more time. It’s like… closure. Or something. I don’t know.”

“Just be smart about it, ok? I don’t want you to get hurt again.”

“I’ll be smart,” you tried to give him a reassuring smile.

“Bye.”

“Bye.”

You slipped the phone into your pocket and stepped out of the car. On the other side of the parking lot, you could just make out all the wedding guests as they walked into the church. With a small shake of your hands, you took a confident step forward to go and join them.

A few people gave you weird looks as you joined the crowd, mostly extended family members that barely remembered your name or why you had been a part of Tyler’s life in the first place. You settled for giving them shy smiles and finding your way to an emptier part of the room. This wasn’t a social event for you.

You were scanning the room for any sign of Tyler when your eyes landed on another familiar face. Unfortunately, he caught your eye as well and began to make his way through the crowd towards where you were standing. Your stomach began to twist in knots as he grew closer.

“Y/N,” he smiled once he was finally at an acceptable talking distance. “I didn’t expect to see you here.”

“Zack,” you returned his smile. “It’s been awhile.”

“What are you doing here, actually?”

“Attending the wedding.” You wondered why Zack was so confused by your presence. “I got the invitation last week.”

“Right,” he nodded. “Well, I still have some more family to talk to. I just wanted to say hi.”

“Hi,” you said, giving him a little wave.

He smiled tightly at you before turning and walking back into the crowd of people. The way he had interacted with had made your stomach uneasy, but you brushed it aside as nothing. Today was probably almost as stressful for him as it was for you.

You waited until almost everyone had found themselves a seat before you dared to even enter the room. There was no way you would risk running into his parents or another of his siblings at his wedding. Hell, even running into Josh would be enough of a problem. Thankfully, he was easy to spot--and avoid--with his brightly dyed hair.

You took a seat towards the back, far away from the family members that you had once loved almost as much as your own. The people around you were ones you didn’t recognize, most likely Tyler’s childhood friends or other family friends that he felt obligated to invite. It seemed like the type of thing he would do.

Zane had texted you a couple times before and throughout the ceremony, asking how things were going and if you were doing ok. They had gone unanswered, mostly because you were too busy wondering what things would be like if you hadn’t done the things you did. If that was you up there, standing across from him. The one that was causing him to smile and light up the room.

“Your vows,” the officiant said, turning to Tyler.

You watched as he pulled a small, crumpled piece of paper from his pocket. He shook his head a little as he began to read, still unable to keep the goofy grin off of his face. Memories of times that he had written little poems and notes for you danced around your mind and made your eyes brim with tears.

He was reaching the end of the vows, but you couldn’t stand to listen to another second of it. You stood up and walked out into the aisle, ignoring the few people who had turned to look at you as you did so. The sobs were getting harder to stifle now, and all you wanted was to get out of the building. Away from him.

The door creaked as you opened it and you could practically feel the stares boring into the back of your head, but you kept walking straight towards the front door. You just needed to hold everything back until you were in the car; then you could scream and cry and curse the world and yourself for everything that had happened to you.

“I’m telling you, there haven’t been any pictures from the wedding.”

“Come on, Zane,” you huffed. “You know I don’t like when you lie about this stuff. The damage is already done, can you just show me the pictures now?”

“I’m not lying to you, Y/N. Look for yourself.”

Zane handed you his phone, which was open to Tyler’s Instagram. Sure enough, the most recent picture was from a couple weeks ago. It was just a random selfie that he had put up with an equally random caption.

“That’s weird,” you said as you handed his phone back to him. “You’d think that after a week, they would have finally posted some photos. Did you check his girlf… wife’s account?”

“What’s her name?”

“I don’t know, but if you scroll down a little she’s tagged in his posts about her.”

Zane scrolled through his phone for a little while, but his face only grew more confused, “Where are these posts about her?”

You sat up and leaned over Zane’s shoulder. He had gone back through at least a year’s worth of posts now, and yet there hadn’t been a single post about her. Without thinking, you yanked his phone out of his hands and began to scroll through his account yourself.

“I know he definitely posted about her on Valentine’s day,” you muttered, more to yourself than Zane. “Why would he delete posts about her?”

“Did something happen at the wedding?”

“Not that I know of. I mean, I only stayed until the end of Tyler’s vows,” you shuddered at the mere thought of it, “but I don’t think they would get that far into the wedding if someone was hesitant.”

“I’m sure it’s not a huge deal,” Zane said as he took his phone back.

“Yeah. You’re right.”

Rain poured down onto your windshield as you drove home from Zane’s house. The wipers were struggling to keep up with the constant stream of water, but they were working just fast enough that you could see the road. You suddenly wished that Zane didn’t live so far from you so that you didn’t have to spend nearly half an hour driving in this awful weather.

Your phone began to ring, making your music cut out. With a sigh, you glanced down at the caller ID to see if it was someone you could ignore so that your music would start playing again. When you saw the picture on the screen, your heart nearly stopped. You immediately pulled off to the side of the road and answered your phone.

“Hello?”

“Y/N?”

“Yeah, that’s me.”

“Man,” he let out a sigh of relief. “I thought you would have changed your number by now.”

“Too much work,” you giggled. It surprised you that you were acting so comfortable.

“Right,” he laughed. “Anyway, the reason I’m calling.”

“Yeah?”

“So, I saw you at the wedding and, well, do you mind if we talk? I can come to you, if you want.”

“Uh, yeah,” you said. “I’m on my way home from a friend’s house right now, but I should be home in about twenty minutes.”

“Ok, perfect.”

“Perfect,” you repeated.

“I’ll see you then.”

“Bye.”

The call ended and music once again began to blast in your car. You took a deep breath and pulled back out onto the road, being extra careful to avoid a large puddle that had formed a few feet in front of where you had parked.

There was already another car in your driveway as you arrived home. Your breaths became shakier as you pulled up next to it, knowing that he would be waiting in the car. You didn’t even dare to look over at him as you grabbed your things from the passenger seat and shut off the engine.

The slam of your car door was followed shortly by another one. His footsteps were noisy as he stepped through puddles towards the front door, just a few paces behind you. You fumbled a bit as you went to unlock the door.

“Are you going to acknowledge me?” he laughed.

“Once we’re inside,” you said. “It’s too dark and wet out here.”

You pushed open the front door and tried your best to dry the soles of your shoes before stepping inside. He followed suit and waited in the entryway as you set your things down and pulled off your coat.

“You don’t have to wait here,” you smiled. “You know where you’re going.”

He kicked off his shoes and hung up his jacket before disappearing past the entryway. It was easy for you to forget the reality of your situation as you shuffled towards the kitchen to get yourself something to drink.

“Do you want anything?” you asked.

“Water would be great.”

You filled up two glasses with water and carried them back to the living room. He had already made himself comfortable and put his feet on the coffee table. He smiled as you handed his glass of water to him.

“So, Tyler,” you smiled. “What did you need to talk about?”

“A lot,” he sighed before taking a long sip of water. “Maybe too much.”

You took a seat in the armchair and made yourself comfortable.

“Where do you want to start?”

“I’m not sure. So much has happened since… you know.”

“Then why don’t we start there?”

Tyler visibly swallowed, but he slowly began to nod, “Ok.”

“I hope you know that I didn’t want things to end. I loved you so much. So much. I was just frustrated and exhausted from tour and I needed an escape from all of it. I let my emotions get the best of me and I said what I did and I never quite worked up the courage to tell you I didn’t mean it.”

A smile tugged at the corner of Tyler’s lips, but it was quick to fade.

“I wish you had told me.”

You blinked back a few tears, “There’s a lot of things I wish I had done differently, but hey, I guess it all worked out. I’m working a normal job again. You’re still touring the world and you’re married now.”

“About that…” Tyler averted his eyes back to the ground. “I called the wedding off.”

“What?”

“I saw you when you left during my vows. It was only for a few seconds, but that short amount of time was enough to make my knees weak and my mouth go dry. Nobody else has ever made me feel that strongly before and, in that moment, I knew the wrong person was standing across from me.”

“Really?”

“Well, I knew for a while before then, but actually seeing you there confirmed it for me.”

Your eyebrows furrowed as you looked over at Tyler sitting on the couch. He was still avoiding eye contact with you.

“Are you… saying what I think you’re saying?”

He finally looked at you with that same hint of a smile on his face, “That I’m still hopelessly in love with you? Yeah, I think I am.”

You weren’t entirely sure how to react to his confession. Your brain was a mess of excitement and confusion and a number of other emotions that you couldn’t quite seem to place.

“I… don’t know what to say,” you muttered.

“It’s fine, you don’t have to say anything. Even if you don’t feel the same, I just wanted to let you know how I felt because the last time that I didn’t, it became one of my biggest regrets.”

“No, it’s not that. I just thought you would hate me after how I ended things.”

“Y/N,” he exhaled a little. “I could never hate you.”

Tears were consistently slipping down your cheeks now. There were so many things that you wanted to say and do, but you settled for walking over to the couch and wrapping your arms around Tyler. He lightly rubbed your back while you leaned against his shoulder and tried not to cry too hard.

“I’m so sorry. I love you, Tyler, more than anything else. I should have never let my emotions get the best of me.”

“Hey, everything came together in the end. Don’t beat yourself up over it.”

Tyler helped calm you down, all the while pressing soft kisses to the top of your head. You finally stopped crying and explained to him all the emotions you were feeling. He had tears in his eyes too, but he was smiling.

“You know, I talked to Zack at the wedding. He seemed surprised that I was there,” you sniffled.

“He told me about that. Nobody knew you were coming, actually.”

“What?”

“I dropped the invitation off in your mailbox on a whim in hopes that you would come to the wedding.”

“Why?”

“Like I said, I had to see you one more time and figure out if I was making the right decision.” He brushed some hair back from your forehead. “As it turns out, I wasn’t.”

“We need to stop making decisions while running high on emotions,” you laughed. “It always ends up in some kind of a mess.”

“Yeah,” he smiled. “But it somehow always works out in the end too.”

He pulled you a little closer so that he could give you a kiss. His lips were soft and warm and familiar.

And you were happy.

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[frolickandfuck]

half written awhile ago

i think i overwatered my flowers,

they seem suffocated by my touch,

and i clipped my nails too short,

now they bleed at the slightest brush.

i wanted to write another poem,

with these being the only words i found,

i fought so hard to speak my mind,

but my raw throat can’t make a sound.

i tried my best to ease your worries,

but i only made them more potent,

and i handed myself to a man

who couldn’t see what he was holding.