#anymore i feel so much lighter and i just feel so happy and safe with blue in a way ive never felt with jamie and its like. im almost there | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mountttmase · 8 months

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Damage Is Done

Note - a bit of Sunday evening pain for you all inspired by this TikTok. I really hope you enjoy this and I would really appreciate some feedback as I need some motivation 😭. Thank you my loves 🩷

Pairing - Mason Mount × Reader

Word count - 10K

Warnings - Angst and fluff

Here we go

Never had those words had so much meaning before. You felt sick to your stomach as soon as you’d seen them and the waves of uneasiness were rolling through you until you felt suffocated.

You knew it was a possibility but you also knew it wasn’t 100% what your boyfriend of 10 months wanted so you were holding out hope things would change. After every rejected offer a little bit of hope filled your heart that he would be sticking around but this had hit you like a truck as you knew what it meant for the pair of you.

Stupidly enough, you and Mason hadn’t spoken about the possible move. You wanted to be his safe place and whilst you knew what was going on, you kept that topic at the back of your minds but as the months had passed you were wondering if he was keeping you away on purpose. Maybe if once his life changed that meant you no longer were a part of it and the thought was eating you up inside.

There wasn’t much to do but you made sure to tidy the place up a little as a distraction. You knew this was about to be a hard conversation and before you had time to even think about it anymore your buzzer was ringing.

You opened the entrance for him without a word before going to open your door and he was rounding the corner into view. You couldn’t tell what expression he was wearing and you were hoping yours was neutral and when he wrapped you up in his arms on your doorstep and you held onto him as tightly as you could.

You both didn’t move for a while, just held each other and you could feel him relaxing in your arms as your eyes filled with tears. He smelt more like Mason than he ever had and you breathed in his delicious scent before he pulled back slightly so he could drop a kiss on your forehead.

It was clear to see how much lighter he looked, the dark clouds that had been following him around for the last few months had finally made way for the sunshine and you could see the relief sparking in his warm eyes.

‘I take it you’ve seen it’ he whispered, rubbing up and down your back soothingly as you nodded whilst trying to keep your face blank.

‘Let’s go sit’ you whispered, nodding over to your sofa and you let him wonder over so you could shut the door before joining him. He sat down with a thump, his hoodie thrown on the arm of the chair next to him before he opened his arms for you. You knew it wasn’t a good idea but you let yourself melt into him, tucking yourself into his body as you held each other again but his thumb that was slowly stroking across your cheek made you look up at him.

You let him kiss you, gripping onto his shoulders for dear life, trying to memorise the feel of his lips against yours as you weren’t sure how things were about to play out. You wanted the feel of them tattooed on your brain as he softly brushed his tongue against yours but the playful bite of your bottom lip made you smile. It didn’t feel like a goodbye kiss but in your mind all the signs seemed to be pointing that way.

‘How are you feeling?’ You asked him a few moments after, trying to change the subject as your hands rested on his chest whilst his circled around your waist and you could tell even though he was happy he was still a little conflicted

‘I’m not sure, a mix of stuff really. Exhausted but relived. Sad things are over but excited to start over somewhere new. What about you?’

You didn’t know how to answer, burying your head into his neck as he just held you. His words confused you as you weren’t sure why he wanted you to know he was excited to start over without you.

‘It’s okay bubs. You don’t have to worry about anything’ he whispered, kissing your temple lightly. ‘I know it’s a lot and I don’t expect you to drop everything just for me’

There it was, the moment you’d been waiting for. Mason confining had had no intentions of taking you with him or even asking you what you wanted. he was quite happy for you to stay here and be without him. It stung to hear the words finally coming from him though and you gulped down the upset feeling rising in your tummy at that fact he’d made his mind up for the both of you.

‘I should of known this was coming’ you laughed, pulling away from him

‘Wait what?’ He whispered, his brows furrowing as he cocked his head to the side. ‘What’s going on?’

‘I take it you only came to get your stuff? There’s no need for a big goodbye you can just go’ you told him, wanting him out so you could be in your own.

‘What the fuck are you talking about?’

‘You’re leaving, so go’

‘Why are you being like this? I thought-‘

‘Whatever you thought, you thought wrong. You haven’t spoken to me at all about this whole thing and now you’re just moving on. It’s fine I saw it coming a mile off’ you told him, standing up as you knew you were getting angry and upset. You knew you were being a little unreasonable but the fact he hadn’t involved you in any of his transfer or move hurt and you didn’t want to hear him out.

You’d been his distraction throughout all these hard months, but now you were wondering if that’s all you were to him. Now he was through it he was off to start his new life without you and it stung more than you ever thought it could.

‘I can’t believe you. After everything we’ve been through your just gonna chuck me out like this. Without even talking about it?’

‘What’s to talk about? You’ve made your mind up. You wanna leave so leave’

‘I don’t have a choice’ he shouted, standing up to face you but you refused to back down. You didn’t have a reply, unsure as to why he was so upset as he’d said himself he didn’t expect you to follow him so you continued watching him, wondering if you’d get anymore sense out but the small shake of his head made you realise you wouldn’t.

‘I’m going’ he suddenly snapped, walking towards the door without a second look back at you, flinching as you heard the door slam behind him.

This wasn’t how you were expecting things to go, unsure as to why Mason so upset as he’d gotten what he wanted but his reaction had left you feeling a little uneasy so you sat yourself back down in your sofa to take some breaths and clear your mind.

To say Mason was confused would be an understatement.

He’d arrived at your house for the comfort only you could give him but you’d been cold and dismissive as soon as he’d bought the move up and he couldn’t figure out why.

He was ready to reassure you that the pair of you would be fine. That he knew you couldn’t leave right away but he’d make sure the pair of you were looked after and he’d have things ready for you when you could join him but he hadn’t got the chance to tell you. You were too quick to jump in and blame him for something he wasn’t quite sure of right this second.

He didn’t waste any time getting out of the car park though and racing back home, his mind replaying the conversation to try and figure out what had changed. Had he missed something? Did he say something unintentionally? The last few weeks had been a blur and he’d only felt his mind stop racing when he was in your arms so the interaction you’d just had confused the hell out of him.

Thankfully Woody was the only one at his house when he got there, the rest of his family still on the way up, but Woody knew something was wrong immediately.

‘I think she’s just ended things with me, mate’ Mason told him, recounting the whole conversation as Woody listened and tried to see things from your side but he was just as confused as Mason was.

‘Maybe have a day to cool down and message her tomorrow or something?’ He reasoned and mason agreed. Hoping tomorrow he could clear the air slightly and maybe get to the bottom of everything.

The next morning after a fairly awful nights sleep he got to crafting a message for you. He was still hurt and angry and also feeling a little petty about the whole thing so against his better judgment he said somethings he didn’t mean. Hoping to grab your attention and make you want to talk things through but as soon as he hit sent he wondered if he should consulted Woody first.

You were just putting your washing up away when you felt your phone vibrate in your pocket, fishing it out to reveal Masons name and your heart thudded in your chest at what me might have to say to you. Hoping it would be an apology but you weren’t prepared for what was written.

Was he joking?

You couldn’t even think of a reply, anger filling your mind at how he was making himself out to be the victim, saying his love wasn’t enough for you and to have a nice life. You were still furious with him for leaving you here so you replied in the most childish way you knew before switching your phone off.

Was she joking?

‘Woody, remind me to never take your advice again’

‘What you on about’ he laughed, catching Masons phone that he threw at him so he could read over the message.

‘Not the thumbs up. Damn, that girls cold’

‘That’s one fucking word for it’

‘Look at it this way, at least you know what she’s like now yeah?’

‘Well it’s a bit late now, I wished you would of warned me what she was like before you introduced me to her’ he huffed.

‘She’s never been like this before I swear’

‘I can’t believe I wanted her to move away with me’ Mason mumbled, taking his phone back so he could quickly block your number before throwing it to to the side of him.

This was so unlike you, so unlike what he thought you were and it had him looking back over your whole relationship to try and figure out if he’s missed something in your personality or been blinded by love to overlook all your awful qualities but he couldn’t think of anything. He knew you inside out and this wasn’t you.

You were always so warm and caring, one look from you always made his whole day better and it was breaking his heart that everything seemed to be tainted. His heart felt heavy in his chest as he tried to hold his emotions in and for the most part he had but the realisation that the person he’d placed all his bets on wasn’t who he thought they were made his eyes fill with tears so he face planted the sofa in hopes Woody wouldn’t notice.

The next night he wondered if he’d been too hasty, quickly unblocking your number so if you wanted to reach out to him you could but it seemed as though there was no need for it.

Two months passed and he didn’t hear from you.

He’d settled in up north pretty quickly, moving into a new house after he’d made it back from pre season tour and whilst he tried to make it into a home, it didn’t feel that way without you in it. He felt like a stranger rattling around in a huge house with no one to share it with but you were still silent on your end and he didn’t have the heart to reach out to try and speak to you to be shot down again.

He had no idea you were craving the same thing as he was though. You just wanted to speak to him but you were hurt at the way he’d moved on so quickly and your pride was keeping you away from him.

You couldn’t help but look out for him and how he was doing now, the bright smile on his face breaking your heart as he seemed so much happier without you and even though you were angry with him for not including you in his new life, you were yearning to be back in his presence. The hoodie he left the night you sent him away a constant reminder of what you once had and even though you’d hidden it away in the beginning, you found yourself wearing it more often than not in hopes you could feel close to him and hopefully it would heal your broken heart.

Nothing worked though, even popping to the local cafe where you and Mason would get breakfast as often as you could made you feel awful. You sat in the booth you always liked to go in to make yourself feel a bit closer to him but you just felt sad and even more alone. You were so stuck in a daze though you didn’t feel anyone come up and stand in front of you until they let out a little cough to snap you out of your trance.

‘Woody? What are you doing here?’

‘Could ask you the same question’ he replied, sitting himself opposite you. ‘You’ve been avoiding me’

‘Is that a question or a statement?’

‘It’s a fact’

He was right, you had been avoiding him. You’d known Woody for a few years and he’d introduced to you Mason in the first place but you didn’t have the heart to see him right now. He’d been your biggest supporter and you felt like you’d let him down with the way everything had ended. You knew he’d tried reaching out a few times but you didn’t have the energy or heart speak to him as he was too close to Mason.

‘I probably shouldn’t say this, but you were cold as fuck with that whole thumbs up thing’ he laughed and you felt your face heat up as he recounted the last bit of contact you and Mason had. ‘Like it was shit of you but I was impressed’

‘Shit of me? He’s the one that wanted to start a new life without me, it’s not like I’m gonna be polite to him after that am I?’

‘What are you on about?’ He asked, brows furrowed as he looked at you like you were speaking another language but you were tired of Woody thinking you were the bad guy.

‘Dont play dumb Woody. He had the whole move figured out and I was never a part of it, he basically said so himself’

‘What did he say exactly?’

‘That he doesn’t expect me to go with him. That he’s fine with me staying here’ you told him, watching his face fall into his hands before looking up at you with a bewildered expression.

‘You really are stupid sometimes you know that?’

‘What the hell? I know you’ve known him longer but I thought you’d at least sympathise with me’

‘Not when you’ve got the complete wrong end of the stick you doughnut. Sure, he didn’t expect you to drop your whole life and move with him then and there but when you were ready to join him he was making sure you’d have everything you need’

‘What?’

‘He didn’t want you to worry about any of that stuff, he was taking care of it so he could make sure you weren’t stressed. He knew moving would be a big deal for but he wanted you there with him so that’s why tried to take it on himself. When they were asking what sort of things he needed for his new place he said the only two things would be somewhere with an office so that when you came up after you’d sorted yourself out you’d have a place to work and somewhere close to the station so you could get to the office on the days you needed to’

‘But he never said that’ you whispered, a sinking feeling rushing through you that maybe you’d jumped the gun too quick, your bottom lip wobbling seemingly on its own and you thought back to that last conversation with him.

‘He never said it or you never gave him a chance to?’ He questioned and your body felt cold. ‘I know he probably wasn’t very forthcoming with it but I think he liked that he could forget all that stuff around you. You were like his little safe island where none of that mattered and I think he just presumed you’d go with him’

‘Oh god’ you breathed, reality now hitting you that you’d messed up ‘oh fuck no’ you whispered, grabbing your phone and heading straight to his number so you could call him but it didn’t even ring or give you the chance to leave a message. ‘He’s blocked me’

‘Can you blame him? You kinda went in on him a bit’ he smiled before reaching for your forearm. ‘Look, I’ll try and speak to him yeah? Let him know you got confused’

‘No it doesn’t matter’ you told him, shaking your head. ‘Damage is done now. I uh, I need to head off’ you told him, scrambling up from your seat but he was quick to get up too and pull you into a hug. You managed to hold it together with him but as soon as you were home you broke down.

You felt awful, this whole thing could of been fixed if you would if you would of just listened to him for a little longer but you didn’t let him and blew everything you had into pieces.

Woodys words were playing on your mind and had been for a whole week. Looking back, you now understood why he was he was so angry with you that night, you didn’t give him a chance to say his piece and made your mind up for yourself that he didn’t want you there. The dust had settled but there was no way of talking to him and no way resolution right now but all you could think about what what you would say to him if you got the chance.

It was Friday, you’d just got in from work and you felt like curling up into a ball and crying. Nothing had gone right all day and you were craving one of those hug only Mason could give you.

He was always so warm and welcoming, his hugs like no one else’s as they seemed to warm you from the inside and it’s like you could still feel him wrapped around you as you thought about him. Everything about him was perfect and you’d let him slip through your fingers with no real way of getting in contact with him as your number was blocked. All you could think about was him and holding him to the point where you couldn’t take it anymore.

It was like something inside you snapped. You were in your room in a flash to quickly pull a bag of clothes together before making your way to the train station. You didn’t think about any of it, just booked yourself a ticket and got on a train. The only thought in your head was going to find Mason so you could apologise and make him see sense but you were 20 minutes in when you realised you had no idea where he lived or where he’d be.

You tried calling Woody but he didn’t answer, feeling hopeless that you’d dropped a load of money on a train ticket and a last minute hotel room for nothing when the perfect person sprung to mind.

To say Luke was surprised to hear from you would be an understatement, you’d met him a couple of times at games or when Mason played for England and he was initially a bit cautious but once you turned the waterworks on you felt his resolve crumble. He let you know there was a big party they were all going to tonight for a mutual friends birthday and to text him when you were there so he could come and get you and you couldn’t be more thankful. A sick, excited feeling in the pit of your tummy as you knew you’d finally be able to see him.

By the time you’d made it to your hotel and make yourself look semi presentable it was around 11pm and it was another half hour from there so you were hoping Mason was still in a relatively sensible state but you’d take him however he came at this point. You just needed to see him.

‘Where are you going?’ Mason called, watching Luke try to slip through the crowds but he held up his phone as if he was telling him he was off to take a call.

‘I won’t be long yeah? Just stay there’ like called before he was quickly out of sight. Where is he expecting me to go? He thought, eyes flittering around the group he was in and even though he was happy to be there, the sadness in his tummy was still dragging him down and times like this made it even worse.

‘Mason?’ he suddenly heard a voice say to his left and his head snapped round to meet it. Eyes lighting up at the sight in front of him as he held his arms out for the much smaller frame to fit into with a huge smile on his face.

As promised, Luke came and met you by the door and after a big hug of reassurance he lead you over to hopefully where Mason would be.

‘Mason’ you heard Luke call over the music, fighting your way through the bodies at the perimeter of the table until your eyes landed directly on his. You wished you could of looked away though as the sight in front of you made you feel sick.

There he stood, his arm around another girls waist as her lips trialed across his jaw. The smile on his face was the one that was usually reserved for you but you watched it drop at the sight of you and it was like you could feel your heart shatter in your chest.

‘What is she doing here?’ Mason growled, body swaying as he’d had more than enough to drink. His anger was directed towards Luke for now but his furious eyes were on you before he had a chance to reply. ‘I don’t fucking want you here’

You couldn’t handle another second even though you’d just got there but you were hurt and embarrassed enough so you turned on your heel and headed out the way you came. You could hear Luke’s voice booming over the music but you didn’t listen to what he was saying, just trying to get out as quickly as you could and as the cold air hit you, you felt your eyes finally start to sting.

You didn’t know what to do or where to go but you fished your phone out of your bag so you could call yourself a taxi through your tears whilst walking down the side of the building to get out of everyone’s way.

The sound of a door slamming behind you made you jump, looking round to see the last person you thought would of followed you out but Mason was looking back at you. Eyes hard and jaw set and he made his way over but he stopped before he got too close.

‘Why are you here, y/n?’

‘I don’t know’

‘Don’t give me that bullshit’ he snarled, his words slightly slurred as he balled his hands into fists. ‘Tell me why you’re here’

‘You blocked me and-‘

‘Are you joking?’ He laughed but you knew there was no humour in it. ‘Why the hell would I want to talk to you?’

‘Mase I-‘

‘Do you not remember the last bit of contact we had? I tried reaching out to leave things on good terms even though you’d been completely unreasonable and you send me fucking thumbs up? Ten months together and that’s all I deserve? a thumbs up?’

‘I didn’t-‘

‘No you fucking abandoned me’ he growled. ‘I needed you and you let me come here on my own’

‘But you said-‘

‘I know what I said but I didn’t fucking mean it like that’ he snapped.

‘I’m so sorry’ you breathed. ‘I didn’t even know if you want me to come with you’

‘Why would I not want you to come? You’re my everything. Were my everything sorry’

‘Mase please-‘

‘You wanna know what I’ve found most difficult about all of this? you never even let me speak, you made your mind up for the both of us and that’s not what I wanted. I wanted you to choose me and you didn’t’ he breathed. His eyes full of tears and you couldn’t help but feel like the worst person in the world as he swayed slightly before regaining his balance.

‘You told me you didn’t want me to come’

‘No I never. I said I didn’t expect you to join me right then and there cause you had your own shit to sort but I never for one second said I didn’t want you here. You just jumped down my throat and told me what you thought I meant before I had a chance to say anything. I really saw a future with you but you obviously didn’t see one with me’ he sniffed.

You wanted to tell him he was wrong. That the only future you saw was with him and life had been hell without him but you knew it probably wouldn’t make a difference at this point so you kept silent, the only sound you could hear were his ragged breathing as he tried to calm himself. You expected him to be surprised to see you but nothing could of prepared you for this and when he looked up to meet your eyes again you felt your insides shatter at how vulnerable he seemed.

‘Sometimes I wish you would of just done the honourable thing and cheated on me’ he confessed quietly. ‘like I wish you would of made me hate you but I can’t’ he whimpered and it took everything in you not to reach for him and comfort him. ‘I’ve painted you out to be the villain to everyone to try and make it easier on myself and I know you’re not but all of this is so fucking hard. I just wanna move on and I can’t and you showing up here doesn’t make it any easier’

‘It didn’t look like you were finding it difficult to move on in there’ you muttered under your breath and you hadn’t meant for the words to slip out but your ego was still bruised from seeing him with someone else.

‘Don’t you dare turn this around on me’ he growled, becoming furious again at what you’d said and you knew it was a low blow so you shook yourself off try and apologise and bring him back around.

‘Mase can we please just talk. I’ve come all this way, please just listen to me’ you pleaded, stepping towards him and even though he didn’t move away from you, keeping completely still, you felt your heart sink even further.

‘I don’t want to’

‘Please Mase. Come on, it’s me. You know me and you know how awful I feel about all of it’

‘Do I know you?’ He questioned. ‘My y/n would of never let me come here on my own. My y/n would of stuck by me like I always did for her’

‘I’m still yours Mase, please’ you cried, reaching for him so you could cup his jaw and your heart thudded in your chest as his head melted into your hands but he was snapped out of it almost instantly, his hands grabbing your wrists gently so he could pull you off and you couldn’t help but sob as he let go of you.

‘I need you to listen to me yeah?’ He swallowed, his eyes looking directly into yours and you could see how hard they were even in the dark. ‘You broke my heart, y/n’ he said tearfully, his voice raw like he’d been screaming for hours. He words hitting you like a tone of bricks and even though you knew it already, it hurt ten times worse to hear it coming from his lips. ‘Stamped all over it and I’ll never be able to forget how you made me feel’

‘I made a mistake, Mason. I’m here to fix it. To fix us’

‘You can’t’ he told you flatly and it was only then you let you first tears fall.

It may have been your blurred vision but you thought you saw his facade crack ever so slightly, wondering you were finally getting through to him but his stoney exterior was back in the blink of an eye and you knew there was no point talking to him in this state but you still desperately tried.

‘Mason please, I’ll do anything-‘

‘Look, I think you should go. I want you to go’ he gulped, reaching for his phone. ‘I’ll get you an Uber yeah, just put in where you’re staying’

‘You’re not giving me a chance’

‘You never gave us a chance in the first place’ he whimpered, ‘please I can’t do this right now y/n I just need you to go’ he told you, handing you his phone and you realised there was no point in arguing.

‘It’s fine I’ll get it myself’ you sighed, quickly opening the app but before you could confirm the booking you looked back up to him. If this was it and you were done then you couldn’t leave without a proper goodbye. Everything inside of you was telling you to stop but you didn’t listen, you let your heart speak for you even though you knew you’d be crushed. ‘I know I don’t really have a right to ask but please can I kiss you? Just one more time so I can say goodbye properly’ you asked and just as you were expecting, he shook his head to say no. ‘Okay. I’ll go’ you whispered, turning to walk back onto the street to find your taxi, the sinking feeling threatening to drown you but his hand on your wrist stopped you in your tracks.

His lips were on yours on a flash, snapping you out of your upset trance as you shivered at his touch. It wasn’t the soft goodbye kiss you were hoping for, he was rough and holding your waist in a tight grip as you tried to kiss him back with as much force but he was pulling away soon after.

‘Fuck, I shouldn’t of done that’ he whispered, turning around to walk back inside and you thought better than to reach for him again but your brain was still trying to fight for him.

‘Please, Mason. I can’t loose you’ you called, voice thick with tears as he stopped at the door. You watched as his turned ever so slightly, eyes downcast before sticking the final knife in.

‘You already have’

He didn’t turn back, slamming the door on the way inside and you let him go, biting your lip to keep your emotions at bay as you stumbled back onto the main Street. Your Uber was only a few moments away and you were soon heading off, eyes looking up as you passed the main entrance but you wished you would of looked away sooner.

He had his head down and his hood up, but you knew it was him. The girl who was draped over him inside now had her hand clasped in his as she followed behind him into a taxi and you felt like throwing up all over the back seat. You felt at blame for the whole misunderstanding and watching him take another girl home was the least you felt you deserved.

Woody eventually returned your call just as you got to your room. You managed to hold it together but you could tell he knew you were upset as you told him you’d come to speak to Mason and it didn’t end well. He tried convincing you to let him speak to Mason tomorrow before you left but you told him there was no point and you promised you’d give him a call when you were back home the next day.

That wasn’t the end of Woody’s calls that night though, with Mason calling him about an hour after to let him know he’d seen you and the huff that Woody let out let him know Woody wasn’t happy with him.

‘First of all mate, it’s 2am. I know you live a few hours away now but that doesn’t mean we’re living in different time zones like could this not of waited?’

‘Sorry mate, I just didn’t know who to talk to’ Mason said sadly and Woody felt bad instantly but between you and Mason crying on the phone to him about each other he wanted to bang your heads together.

‘Look I probably shouldn’t be saying this, but I saw y/n last week. She was in that cafe you used to go to for breakfast and she looked miserable as fuck like I’ve never seen her that sad. She tried calling you but you’ve blocked her number again haven’t you?’

‘She’s got no reason to be sad, she threw me out’ Mason replied, ignoring his comment about blocking your number as he’d only done it a few days ago and he still felt weird about it.

‘Cause she thought you were ending things mate. She got the wrong end of the stick and she jumped the gun’ he explained, stopping Mason in his tracks immediately. ‘I’ve just had her on the phone in tears cause you’ve basically done the same. Didn’t give her a chance to talk and apologise and then left with some girl’

‘How does she know that?’

‘She saw you get in the car with her, she’s in bits mate. Like nothing I said would calm her down or make her listen to me. What the fuck did you say to her man?’

It was true, you’d cried all night as the vision of him with someone else stung and all you could think about was what they might be doing together at this very second. You hadn’t been able to look at someone else let alone do what he was doing and no matter what you did the vision of the pair of them wouldn’t go.

You thought he would of been upset or shocked to see you but the anger rolling off of him had been a surprise and you knew now that there was no going back. He was done with you, trying his hardest to move on and you told yourself that when you got back home you’d do the same so you quickly went to his number in your phone and blocked it just like he’d done with you.

You woke up early the end morning, checking the train times to see the next one was in an hour so you quickly packed up and let reception know you needed a taxi to the station. It hurt knowing your trip here had been in vein but you told yourself at least you’d tried. He just hadn’t wanted to hear and that was fine.

As soon as the lift pinged open you could hear Masons voice and the sound of it shocked you. He sounded desperate and you followed it to the reception where he appeared to be arguing with the receptionist.

‘Look, I know she’s here, you know she’s here so just let me know what room she’s in-‘

‘Sir I’ve already explained I’m not allowed to do that’

‘Well then call her room’

‘Sir-‘

‘You’re not listening to me’

‘Mason?’ You questioned, coming to a stop a few meters behind him and you watched him whip round at the sound of you voice. A look of relief washing over him at the sight of you before he took a few frantic steps towards you.

‘Y/n thank god, I thought I’d missed you’

‘Why are you here?’ You asked but he was cut off from answering by the doorman.

‘Miss y/l/n, your taxi should be here in about five minutes’

‘No, don’t go. Please don’t go not yet’ he panicked, turning to the doorman so he could speak to him next. ‘It’s okay you can cancel that she doesn’t need it’

‘Mason, what’s going on?’

‘I don’t want you to leave like this. You came here for a reason and I know I’ve fucked it but please’ he whispered, holding your jaw as he looked into your eyes. ‘Please don’t go yet. Come back to mine and we’ll talk yeah? Properly talk and figure things out’

‘Mase-‘

‘Please. Please bubs I’ll do anything you want-‘

‘Okay it’s okay’ you interrupted, holding his wrists as he still cradled your face in his hands. His eyes switching from frantic to relieved in an instant at your words as he let out a breath. ‘Shhhh, it’s okay. I’m coming yeah?’ You told him, heart threatening to jump from your body at the old pet name he used to call you but this is what you came here for. To talk properly and even if things were over you wanted nothing unsaid.

‘Okay’ he nodded shyly, suddenly aware of the scene he’d caused in the hotel reception so he grabbed the handle of your case with one hand whilst the other lead you outside by the small of your back. ‘I’m just round here’ he mumbled when you were close and you let him pop your case in the boot as you got settled in the passenger seat.

The drive was silent, Mason focused on the road as you looked out onto the unfamiliar Manchester streets but you couldn’t take anything in. Too focused on what you were going to say to him when you got to his and you could still feel his hands on your jaw as he’d pleaded with you to stay.

You were shocked when he suddenly pulled into the drive of an impressive house, a similar style to his Cobham home but a little more cozy looking and you retuned his shy smile as he turned the engine off before you both got out. He lead you inside and into the living room where you took a seat on one of the sofas and he sat opposite you whilst he played with his fingers.

‘Can I get you anything?’

‘I’m okay thanks’

‘Do you have a train you need to get?’

‘The one I booked leaves in ten minutes but it’s fine I’ll get another one’

‘Sorry I didn’t even think’

‘No it’s fine, I’d rather us talk’ you reassured him and even thought he sent you a smile he still looked troubled as his eyes flickered over you but you were settled by the tiny smile that appeared.

‘Nice hoodie’ he commented, you face burning as you knew he’d recognised it as his own. The same one he’d left at yours that fateful night and the one you’d been wearing for comfort so you dipped your head out of embarrassment. ‘You wanna go first? I don’t even know where to start’ he chuckled.

‘I sort of do’ you murmured before gulping nervously. This was probably the last thing you should be saying but you had to know before you carried on as the thought had been eating you alive. ‘About last night, I know I don’t have a right to ask but, that girl? Did um-‘

‘Nothing happened’ he breathed, head falling into his hands. ‘We went back to hers but I didn’t even get out of the taxi. I only met her for the first time last night, we’ve been texting for a few days but nothing more. She was just a distraction from… well you know’ he told you, eyes never meeting yours but you knew he’d seen you nod. ‘And that’s the problem, all I’ve been doing is trying to distract myself cause it hurts too much to think about anything else but I realised last night I can’t carry on like this’

‘I’m so sorry, Mason’ you whispered tearfully, watching his head drop into his hands even further as he clearly didn’t want you to see how upset he was but all you could think about was comforting him so against your better judgement you stood up and made your way over to him. He hadn’t moved a muscle so you knelt down in between his knees and placed your hands on his thighs in hopes he would look at you but his eyes stayed stuck shut. You weren’t ready to give up yet though, squeezing his thighs gently as you tapped your head against his arm. ‘Mase? Look at me’ you whispered before he swallowed heavily, head moving ever so slightly and the sadness in his eyes broke you.

You didn’t say a word, just knelt up and snaked your arms around his shoulders so you could pull him into a hug and to your surprise he let you, his head finding home in your neck just like it used to as he held you to him and it was as if all the stress in his body left him as he melted into you.

‘I’ve missed you so much’ he confessed quietly into your neck, the feel of his lips on your skin sending shivers down your spine as your heart thudded in your chest. You couldn’t describe how it felt to be back in his arms but you wished it was under different circumstances.

‘I’ve missed you too’ you told him. ‘But that doesn’t make what I did okay. I know that’

‘I really needed you. This has all been so hard’

‘I’m so sorry’ you choked, squeezing him even harder as he did the same. ‘Will you let me explain?’

‘Okay’ he gulped, pulling back from you but helping you taking a seat next to him. You felt a little awkward and unsure of yourself but when he threaded his fingers through yours and kept them in his lap you relaxed ever so slightly. The feel of him giving you the strength to speak.

‘In all honesty, I wasn’t sure you wanted me to come here. I get the deal was up in the air and you weren’t even sure if it would happen but we didn’t talk about any possibility of me coming with you and I just assumed you wanted to go on your own at first. Or maybe it was your way of letting me know you didn’t want me there at all but when you said I didn’t have to worry about coming here I thought you were giving me an out and ending things. I only took it because I believed that’s what you wanted and I thought you were breaking up with me’

‘That’s not what I wanted at all, I just assumed you were coming’ he laughed, rubbing his eyes with the heal of his hand. ‘I know we didn’t speak about it but I had a million things on my mind and the possibility of you not coming with me wasn’t one of them’ he whispered ‘everything was changing you know? But you were the one certain thing I had, I didn’t even think I had to ask. Remember you told me, wherever I go, that’s where you’ll be’

‘I know and I’m so sorry’ you sobbed, head bowed as the tears fell from your eyes. ‘You had so much going on in those months and all I did was think about myself’

‘Come on love, you don’t have to beat yourself up about it’ he told you softly, pulling you into his grasp again so you could calm down to speak again properly but all you wanted was to hear his side. You’d spent the last two months being annoyed at him for no reason and you were desperate know how he was feeling.

‘I think it might be good if we just get things out in the open, you know? Let’s not leave anything unsaid’ you told him and he nodded lightly.

‘You sure?’ He asked and you nodded with a gulp.

‘I just wanna know how you were feeling’

‘Well I was pissed for a long time. I didn’t understand anything it’s like you’d just changed in a nano second. And then when I got here and I was settled I was more sad you know? just waiting for you to reach out to tell me you missed me too but the longer it took the more mad I got again. That’s why I went off on one last night like I think it’s just all built up. But I’m sorry for how I spoke to you and I’m sorry for kissing you and walking away that wasn’t fair of me no matter how drunk I was. Being close to you again just bought all these feelings up a I lost it a bit. I’m sorry you had to see me with that girl too but I’ve spoken to her this morning and said I don’t want to see her anymore’

‘Do you really wish I’d of cheated on you?’ You asked, voice barely above a whisper but you knew he’d heard as he shuffled over to you a touch.

‘A little bit’ he laughed. ‘I mean not now obviously but it would of made not wanting you a lot easier. Cause that’s never gone away you know? I’ve wanted you this whole time, loved you this whole time, no matter how mad I got’

You were overwhelmed by how nice he was being, a stark contrast from how he’d spoken to you yesterday but you were still unsure as to how things would end. Was this just a polite goodbye before you made your way home? Mason had never been that hard to read a whilst he was saying all the right things you knew you’d pushed him to the edge and getting him back wouldn’t be easy.

‘Hey come on’ he whispered, pulling you into his body before leaning back a bit. You felt like you didn’t have right to cry, you were the one who blew up first and wouldn’t listen to him but the fact you’d gotten it so wrong made your heart hurt and wished you could go back in time and hear him out.

His arms around you were more comforting than you ever thought they could be, his smell hitting you like a slap in the face as the soft skin of his neck was pressed up against your face but you felt your heart beat slow down as he grounded you. His hands rubbing over your back and arms to comfort you and even though everything was up in the air, you finally felt like you were home again.

‘I didn’t talk to you about that stuff because I just wanted one person who didn’t look at me like I was the worst person on the planet’ he explained, your mind thinking back to the awful way he’d been spoken about with only a few people in his corner. ‘Chelsea was all I knew, and to have them want to just toss me aside like that hurt more than I could ever tell you but with you I never felt bad. You were my little escape you know?’ He chuckled, kissing your temple lightly which made you squeeze him even harder. ‘I didn’t feel like I belonged anywhere for so long, but I always did with you’

‘I feel so dumb’ you laughed tearfully. ‘I think I was just being defensive like trying to hurt you before you hurt me’

‘I wasn’t trying to hurt you’ he told you gently. ‘In my head, I was gonna move up here, go on the tour and stuff whilst a house was being sorted and then when I was back you’d join me. Looking back I guess I should of said something sooner, you don’t live in my head so you’ve got not way of knowing what I’m thinking’

‘But I should of given you a chance to explain’ you mumbled, finally moving out of his neck so you could look at him properly and you were happy to see the sadness in his eyes had somewhat lifted but he was still looking to you concerned. ‘I was just butt hurt that you might be leaving and you hadn’t taken me into consideration but I should of let you explain. I’ve been so mad at you so that’s why I haven’t tried to reach out but it’s because I didn’t understand and now I do I just feel like the worst person in the world’ you cried, choking backs sobs at the end but his lips on your forehead settled you down again.

‘If I would of known then I would of stopped everything to follow you here. You were right, where you go I go and I’m so angry at myself for not thinking straight and being there for you when you needed me most. I can only imagine what you must of been going through leading up to it and for me to then just blow up at you like that wasn’t fair and I’m so sorry’

‘Come on sweetheart, don’t get upset’

‘I’ve ruined everything’ you sobbed, head in your hands agin before he pulled you even closer.

‘Shhhh baby no, you haven’t okay’ he reassured you. ‘You’re here now yeah? And we’re on the same page so there’s no need for all these tears’ he laughed, trying to make light of the situation so you forced yourself to calm down, wiping your eyes on the sleeves off his hoodie before looking up into his soft face.

‘Are you happy here?’

‘I am’ he told you sincerely. ‘Like yeah it’s been a bit weird just leaving everything behind but I’m really happy here’

You nodded, a weird feeling in your tummy at how settled he was and whilst you were anything but back home it eased your mind to know you didn’t have to worry about him being here.

‘I’d be happier if you were here with me’ he suddenly whispered, nose bumping yours before he pressed a kiss to the crease in between your brows.

‘What?’

‘Will you come with me?’ He asked, seeming ignoring your question but you nodded your head and let him lead you by the hand upstairs towards the back of the house, opening a door up to a random room but the sight inside took your breath away.

It was a light and airy room, a large desk set up against the wall with two monitors and your favourite chair from Masons Cobham home that you stole whenever you worked from there was perched under the desk. There were plants and cute pictures all over the walls and a little mini fridge off the other side but it was the patio doors that lead out to a balcony that overlooked the huge garden made you smile.

‘What’s this?’ You laughed, your heart racing as he settled his hands on your hips and popped his chin in your head.

‘Your home office. I had it set up for you just in case you came to your senses in the first few weeks but I haven’t been able to come back in here since’ he laughed. ‘Sorry about the dust’

‘Mase’ you breathed, turning to face him so you could wrap your arms around his body as he caged you against himself. You could feel the tears coming but for a whole different reason this time.

‘It’s still yours if you want it’

‘Really?’

‘You don’t think I made a fool out of myself in that hotel and made you come here just for the fun of it did you?’ He laughed, thumb stroking your cheek as you gazed up at him lovingly. ‘It’s up to you, but I know I’ve been miserable without you and all I’ve thought about is having you here. Not just in this house but everywhere. I’ve found places we can go eat that I know you’ll love, there’s a park not too far away with a big lake so we can go feed the ducks like we used to’

‘Got it all figured out huh?’ You laughed, your body filling with warmth with his words.

‘I’d like to think so’ he winked ‘We can take it slowly you know? I’m not asking you to move in with me straight away but when you’re ready maybe I can take you out on a date? You know like catch up a bit and if it’s something we both realise we still want we can go from there’

‘Even after everything I said to you?’

‘It was a misunderstanding bubs, It happens’ he whispered, kissing your cheeky gently ‘we both could of probably done better but we live and we learn’ he carried on, pressing delicate kisses across your cheek and over your nose before making his way down to your lips. ‘I think we’re both sorry and regret what happened right?

‘Yeah’

‘So the only thing to do is accept it and try to move forward’ he continued, his kisses getting closer to your lips and you felt like you were in some sort of trance.

‘Okay’

‘Y/n’ he whispered, pressing a final kiss to the corner of your mouth and the feel of it made you knees weak.

‘Yeah?’

‘Can I kiss you now?’

You couldn’t answer him with words, just nodding before his hands came up to cup your jaw so he couldn’t tilt your head back. You couldn’t stop looking at him, he was so beautiful up close and you’d missed looking at all the features that made him special. But you couldn’t look for too much longer, his eyes on your lips and face leaning closer to yours as he finally gave you what you both wanted.

You both sighed into each others mouths as you finally kissed, relief filling your body at finally feeling his lips on yours. Your body felt as light as air as the pain from the last few months disappeared from your body and he mended you back together with his lips. It was a stark contrast from the way he’d kissed you last night and you were desperately trying not to smile and ruin the moment but you couldn’t help yourself. You were happy and whole again and the feel of Masons smile on your lips made you chuckle.

The pair of you pulled back, eyes shining as you got lost in each other for a second. Feeling the joy radiate from him as he smiled down at you and you hoped your expression was telling the same to him.

‘If you want, we can sack that date off and I’ll just move in right now’ you winked, watching his eyes sparkle as he laughed. You’d meant it as a joke but after a few seconds you realised the thought of going back home right now was the last thing you wanted.

‘Oh yeah?’ He laughed. ‘What about all your stuff? And work?’

‘Stop being the voice of reason’ you laughed, pulling away every so slightly but he was quick to cage you back in.

‘You don’t have to move here now. It’s a lot to ask and I know that’

‘But I want to. I’ve wanted to this whole time and I don’t want to waste another second without you. I don’t need a date to realise if this is what I want cause it’s what I’ve wanted since you came here’ you told him, you face resting his hand as his soft eyes flickered over you. ‘But I suppose you’re right. I really should run stuff passed work and get stuff sorted at home’

‘We’ve got time’ he smiled before placing a light kiss to your forehead. ‘What do you think of the place? I haven’t been here that long and we can change whatever you like about it’

‘No i love it, it’s very you’ you laughed as he took your hand to lead you outside.

‘Well, soon it will be very us’ he winked, walking you back through so he could give you a tour and you were impressed by all of it. The kitchen was your favourite though and you let him sit you up on the counter as he stood between your legs. You fingers lost in the back of his hair as he smiled up at you and all you wanted to to lean down and kiss him.

‘Why the change of heart Mase?’ You asked quietly, watching the blush take over his cheeks. ‘Last night you couldn’t stand the sight of me’

‘I may of called Woody after I got home. Let’s just say he wasn’t exactly thrilled to hear from me at that time but I told him what happened and he let me know he’d seen you earlier in the week and spoken to you last night. Said that you’d got the wrong end of the stick and you were upset about it and I just thought if you left then there was no going back, you know? I don’t want us to be done yet’

‘Me either’ you smiled, eyes filling with tears again as you looked over his perfect face. ‘So I didn’t loose you then?’

‘No even for a second’ he whispered, pressing his lips to yours gently. ‘We kind of owe Woody a lot huh?’

‘We do’ you smiled. ‘He’s put up with a lot of our shit’

‘Well he won’t have to anymore, we’re back where we belong. With each other’ he smiled before melting his head in your neck to you could hold him and all you could think about was not wanting to belong anywhere else but here ever again.

‘Where you go, that’s where I’ll be right?’

‘Where you go, that’s where I’ll be’ he repeated softly, a gentle smile taking over his lips as he looked at you lovingly.

Can I go where you go?

Can we always be this close forever and ever?

And ah, take me out, and take me home (forever and ever)

You're my, my, my, my

Lover

Thank you so much for reading 🩷 I would really appreciate some feedback on this so please feel free to drop me an ask or a comment or whatever you feel comfortable doing. I’d just love to hear from you 😌

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quimichi · 6 months

Note

hello!! new anon here, (may i please be 🌱 anon?)

I was hoping to get a fic on something like "cuddling with genshin girls" idrc how old they are, just pure fluff though!!! also, may it be with Creator!y/n? If so thank you!!

[always remember that this shouldn't ever start to feel like a chore! (its meant to be enjoyable!)]

☆

🌱

❛ CUDDLING SOME GENSHIN GIRLS ༉‧₊˚

Genshin girls x Creator!Reader

Shenhe, Xinyan, Rosaria, Mona & Lynette

A/n: You didn't specifically say who you want, so I used a random character generator on this one! Maybe I'll do more of these in the future!

Shenhe - Mind be purged, world be saved

You feel her body leaning into yours, her breathing slowly slowing down. Her heart still thunders against her chest, but her mind isn't racing anymore. She is relaxed, and completely in the moment.

For the first time in a long time, she is not worrying about the future or her past. She is safe in your arms, and happy as she can be.Your hands running through her snow white hair brings a comforting sense to Shenhe. Her body relaxes even more into you, her head resting against your chest, letting out a relieved sigh.

Her breathing grows even more quiet than before, her eyes closing in content. She has not been this comfortable in a very, very long time. "Enjyoing yourself?" Shenhe lets out a soft and breathy 'yes' sound as she answers you, her head nuzzling deeper into your chest in response. "Mhm," she answers quietly. Her words are little more than a whisper, her voice muffled from where her face is pressed against you. Shenhe moves to rest her head on your shoulder, her hair gently sifting through your fingers.

She does not speak. She simply exists in this moment with you. And in this moment, his mind is quiet and content.

This is where she feels most home.

Xinyan - If there's fire in your soul, you gotta rock 'n' roll.

Your body against her is warm and tender, like a nest of blankets. She buries his head into you, wanting your comfort. Her whole body feels lighter now and she is eager to spend every moment wrapped around you.

She doesn't care to move— not so long as you remain with her. You are her home, her only desire in any moment, and he will take hold of you in her embrace no matter how long it lasts. She is safe here. She is home. You are her world.

Her words are quiet, she's rambling about her day, about how she had to fight tons and tons of cyro slimes today. You can hear the excitement in her voice, the proudness as she talks and talks and talks. You may not be able to make out every word, but you can sense her joy in telling you. She just wants you to be proud of her. She wants you to know how much her days would be nothing without you. Saying if you'd be there, all those slimes would've been gone in a mere second. So, no matter what, she tries her best.

She leans her head against yours, and nuzzles against your neck. Her fingers run through your hair in affection.

Besides music, you are her favorite topic.

Rosari - Do not fear your past, and do not be scared to come to grips with it

Rosaria can hardly remember what life was like before you. Before she’d known your touch. Your warm embrace, the comfort of your presence. When she holds you close, all the troubles of the world vanish for a single, precious moment. The memory of you lingers in the air around her like a perfume. Your breath on her neck, your fingers in her hair. Your heartbeat against her chest.

She breathes your name; a sound like a prayer, a plea. “My love.”

"Yes" you answer, eyes closed as you both hold each other. You're enjoying it just as much. "Stay with me." There is a softness in Rosarias words, a quiet plea that she doesn’t think he can survive being apart from you. She doesn't often say things like these, you're not even sure if she ever had asked you for something like this. But you aren't complaining.

"Please," she urges gently, hand rising to caress your cheek. "Don’t leave me alone."

"Never" Rosaria wraps her arms tightly around you once more. She is a woman made of stone and steel, but when confronted with your love, she becomes like a girl. A girl who has just been told that she is loved back.

"I love you." She whispers, eyes closed, face buried in the crook of your neck. "I don't know what I'd do if I did not have you at my side."

She breathes, then, "You… make me whole."

Mona - Fate is called as such, for it cannot be changed, nor can it be reversed. It can only but be accepted.

She breathes in, her body trembling in your arms. She is still in a way that you would never suspect, but her soul? Your fingers, your touch, your voice? It's as if they've been her guiding light in a galaxy of millions of stars. "Your touch," she breathes, her eyes still shut. "Yours," she whispers, almost to herself, breath soft against your shoulder as she nuzzles into your neck.

"I have so badly wished to feel it."

"You like it this much in my arms?" Mona nods, breath catching as a faint blush appears on her cheeks when you speak. Just now she realized how blod she actually was. "I am content." There's a smile that blooms on her lips when she finally opens his eyes. She is close to you now; your hands can feel the rise and fall of her breath underneath your fingers.

Mona’s body presses closer against yours, seeking comfort in the warmth of your body. The faint blush on her cheeks has only grown more intense as she stares at you, unmoving, her eyes searching your face, studying every inch of it once more with a deep reverence. As if she had never studied it in the first place.

"When I look at you," Her voice is a whisper. "What I feel… it is much more than content." And look at her now, hiding her face in your neck to stop your burning gaze upon her blushing face.

Lynette - Staying silent is beneficial for maintaining focus and gathering intelligence

She leans into you, the tension leaving her body, and her mind becomes clouded with the warmness of your embrace.

When Lynette's introverted personality acts up, she becomes distant and cold to most others. But with you, she wants to be close and intimate; she craves your presence and attention, needing the warmth of your touch. If anyone has the power to melt Lynette's seemingly icy facade, it's you. Lynette's lips tug up at the corner, and she smiles softly, her eyes fluttering closed with a pleasant flush. She can almost feel how she drifts off to sleep soon.

She takes a deep breath and looks up at you, his cheeks flushed with embarrassment.

"Can we...have tea after this?" "Of course" You're softly stroking her ears, careful not to be to rough, after all her ears are sensitive. In your arms, Lynette feels safe. It's a foreign feeling to her. When she's in your company, she feels his tension slowly ease; her breath is no longer heavy, but calm and even.

With you, she doesn't have to put up a front— he doesn't need her usual 'facade'. Lynette is content to simply remain in your arms, her face buried in your chest, and her eyes closed in absolute comfort. After all she's a cat, it's no wonder she started purring in your arms

#genshin impact #genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader #shenhe x reader #xinyan x reader #lynette x reader #rosaria x reader #mona x reader #genshin impact sagau #genshin sagau #sagau genshin #sagau #genshin cult au

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steviewashere · 1 month

Text

Leaving is Hard, But Loving You is Easy

Rating: General CW: None Apply Tags: Post-Canon, Post Season 4, Future Fic, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst With a Happy Ending, Eddie Munson is Leaving Town, Saying Goodbye, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Kisses, Making Out, Love Confessions, Eddie Munson is a Sweetheart, Steve Harrington is a Sweetheart, Steve Harrington Loves Eddie Munson, Eddie Munson Loves Steve Harrington

💕—————💕 He watches Eddie Munson leave in the middle of a Wednesday evening, 1991. It’s just turned 6:10PM and the sunlight is dipping low. There’s a chill in the air. Though he’s wearing a sweater, the breeze is felt more with the expected absence that will be left. Maybe he shouldn’t have befriended the guy over the last several years. If it meant he’d be standing and staring at the guy’s back. Watching him lug boxes into a van that’s probably older than the both of them. Toying with the collar of his sweater like the soothed over fabric will warrant him to not be so lonely. Maybe it doesn’t help that it smells like cigarettes. Steve doesn’t smoke anymore.

“That’s everything, I think. Well, I’m hoping,” Eddie’s saying, turning around. His voice is low and raspy tonight. Like it is when it’s been overused. Makes sense, considering he’d been talking through goodbyes and big plans and sincere farewells. Steve’s the last on his list. He’s not sure whether to feel heartbroken or…Who is he kidding? Of course he’s heartbroken.

One doesn’t become friends with somebody like Eddie Munson and then not be overcome with emotion when he leaves. But also. He doesn’t want to just be friends. Steve holds to himself, tight around the elbows, hunching inwards. Maybe if he’s small, the leaving will hurt less. He also doesn’t allow himself to look. Instead focused on a spot of rust on the van’s bumper. At the brand new DMV sticker on his license plate; it won’t expire for a while now. When he’s not even in Hawkins anymore. When he’s long gone elsewhere.

Eddie sits down right where Steve’s looking. Legs extended in front of him. A cigarette dangling between his chapped lips. Not even lit up. He doesn’t have a lighter right now anyway. Steve should know, Eddie’d been complaining about it for the last three days. He mumbles around the stick, “I’m not going to miss this place.”

“Really?” Steve finds himself asking. Though, he realizes it comes out more as a sigh. A breath. A certain type of mourning. He zeroes in on the knee hole of Eddie’s jeans. Large and manmade. Rippling on the edges and cinched oddly from strings of taut denim that Eddie has since plucked away. Probably from toying with the hole too much. From being restless on Steve’s couch during movie nights or birthed from slow lulls in Dungeons & Dragons campaigns or simply made from being shoved over in games of tag at Hopper’s barbecues.

“Well, yeah, Stevie,” Eddie says. As if it should be obvious. “People don’t like me ‘round here. I’ve felt that way for years. Now it’s my chance to leave.” He sighs through his nose. Like he’s actually smoking the cigarette in his mouth. Then, he continues quietly, “The only good thing to come out of…That hellhole and everything…Was the money to keep me silent. Put it away safely. Now, I’m gonna use it to find myself in a place where I’ll just be a speck. Nobody knows me, that kind of shit.”

Steve nods slowly. Agreeing minutely. If only because Eddie wants him to. “There’s not going to be anything you’ll miss about Hawkins?” Why does a part of him want to hear Eddie say his name?

He shrugs. “I mean I’ll miss having band practice with my buddies. And the Hellfire Club because I started it, y’know? I’ll always have an ache in my heart towards Wayne and the trailer, the first place that ever felt like home.” Eddie plucks the cigarette from his mouth and rolls it back and forth between his index finger and thumb. Both ends are practically dry. He’s staring at it. Contemplating. Then, he sighs mournfully. “I’ll miss the first day I came here. How everything was small yet meaningful. How after a week of walking around town, the folks at all the stores knew my name and my favorite things. Benny…Back at Benny’s Diner, you know the place, he had my favorite order down. I’ll miss the people nobody knows anymore.”

But then he looks dead on at Steve. And Steve burns with how intense everything has come to be. In the space of reconstruction after what such disaster he’s experienced, Eddie’s eyes and his bared soul are enough to nearly knock him down. Take the wind out of him for the moment.

“I will always miss the people here, Steve,” he rasps. “The ones that mattered.”

Steve swallows. “Makes sense,” he musters. Then, he does something he knows will destroy him, he sits down next to Eddie. Shoulder, hip, the outside of their opposite feet connecting in a warm line. His clothed elbow scratches roughly on Eddie’s bare one. He looks out at the space in front of him. The dirt road that gives the idea of a driveway to Forest Hills. At the dead grass that has since wilted from the winter weather. He notices the imprint of their shoes. Dangerously close together. He sighs.

Eddie’s quiet next to him. No longer fiddling with the cigarette. Still where he sits. Stoic in thought. “You’re the best of them,” he whispers.

Steve hums questioningly.

“You,” Eddie says, again like it should be obvious. “Steve, you’re one of my favorite people. Did you know that?”

“No,” he murmurs. “No, I didn’t know that.”

Gently, Eddie nudges his shoulder. Knocking them loose, but settling back warmly. Like he can’t get enough of them touching. Simply sitting there. Doing nothing. Saying goodbye. “Well, you are. You changed my whole worldview. Taught me how to be a better friend. To rid of a lot of my stupid high school bullshit. You’ve—“ He takes a moment to himself. A silence. Contemplating again. Searching. “—You’ve been there. For me. For everybody. A guiding hand. A voice in the darkness of a nightmare. A fixture. You’re wonderful. An experience that I don’t think I’ll ever—“ His next word is muffled.

Muted by Steve’s mouth on his. A hand to Eddie’s cheek, cupping him. Another to the back of his head, tangling hair around his fingers, pushing them together. He moves his lips slowly. Savoring. How Eddie’s lips are slightly cracked, yet plush soft. The breath that puffs onto the corner of his mouth from Eddie’s nose, apparent in the way their heads are angled to meet each other. He doesn’t explore with his tongue. Not at all. Leaving this to the simple movements of one another, the carnivorous way he tastes Eddie. Placating this goodbye with years worth of emotion and yearning, bottled up in his ribcage, and overflowing like a rolling boil.

Though when he takes a breath, he’s forced instead to gasp. To hiccup. To sob. Eddie carefully grasps him by the cheeks. Pulling him back enough to take a deep, swallowing, consuming breath. His thumbs tickle under Steve’s eyes. Patting at the warm skin. The edges of his fingernails gently press into the soft give of his bottom eyelids.

“Stevie?” He questions lowly. “Sweetheart, you’re…You’re crying.”

He sniffles noisily. His hand crumples in Eddie’s hair, probably tugging at the strands, but it’s not shown on Eddie’s face. Instead of answering, he dives back in. Pressing more firmly. Squishing the tip of his nose in Eddie’s left cheek. Slicking their chins with his spit. Stuttering through gasps, sobbing on his lips, squinting with every soft cry. He can’t even fully see Eddie’s face. Not his eyes, which he fell in love with first. Or the way his cheeks are lighting up red, given by the warmth radiating onto Steve’s own skin. He can’t see and he can’t breathe, but he’d be damned if he stopped right now. His other hand moves down to the side of Eddie’s neck, squeezing as if attempting to choke him out. The rapid thrum of Eddie’s pulse under his thumb. He thinks if he were to die in this kiss, he could be resuscitated by Eddie’s beating heart alone.

While Eddie is enthusiastic to respond, his eyes don’t close in bliss. And he doesn’t move further into Steve’s space. If anything, he’s inching away. Pulling again at Steve’s head. Forcing them apart. “Steve, you don’t want to—“

“You’re everything,” Steve is sobbing out. “Everything to me.” He swallows harshly. His tongue is heavy with saliva and emotion. “You stayed here with me after…After all the bullshit. When Robin left for school. And everybody graduated. When they moved on,” he’s rambling. He should stop. Get himself in line. Try to make sense of every word falling from between his lips. But he can’t grasp them. They flow. They spill. He’s boiling.

“Baby, I’m going, too,” Eddie cooed sadly. “I’m not staying here.”

“I know. I know, Eds, I know,” Steve mutters. He gasps through a hiccup, reigning in his tears, at least slightly. “I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you sooner.”

“Tell me what, Steve?”

He bounces his eyes back and forth between Eddie’s. Their roundness. And the dark encompassing color to them. How they pull him in like black holes. He could probably destroy Steve, especially with what is said next.

“I’m in love with you,” Steve confesses. “I’ve been in love with you,” he reiterates, voice cracking and wet and too thick. “For years, Eds.”

The hands on his cheeks slither down to his shoulders. For a moment, his head is heavy enough to careen him to the side. His head resting on the closed back door. He looks on with half-lidded eyes and a shiver against his spine. Eddie’s looking low at Steve’s chest, where his heart is. He squeezes the sweater material under his hands.

He swallows heavily in the stilled silence. Whispers, “I’m flattered, Steve—“ And Steve straightens back up, flailing a little to get out of this hold. To make his escape. To just leave when he isn’t wanted. But Eddie holds to him harshly. Keeping him still. “—I really am. But what you said doesn’t change my mind. I’m leaving.”

“Tell me, then,” Steve shoots. His voice flat. Lifeless.

“Tell you…”

“That you love me, too. Please tell me that.”

Eddie sighs again. His hands pressing harder on Steve’s shoulders. If it’s not his eyes, then Steve will gladly be ruined by Eddie’s hands. “Steve. That’s not a good idea.” He states it like it’s factual.

To hell with that.

“Then lie to me,” Steve pleads. “You don’t have to mean it. Just tell me—“

“I don’t want to lie to you, Steve. And besides, I’d only be lying to myself if I said it like that,” Eddie says. He moves his left palm up to Steve’s hair, pushing it back from his forehead. Tickling it down to where it touches the tops of his shoulders. Moves back up and dully scratches at his scalp. “I do love you, Steve. I do. I love you with every muscle in my body and every freckle on my skin. But…Sweetheart, you’re staying here. I’ll be elsewhere. And I know how you are in relationships. You like being near. You like being able to touch and cherish and hold. You like waking up next to them. You like having a person with you.”

Sometimes knowing Eddie Munson means being known back. And Steve should’ve realized that. He’s been privy to it thousands of times over the last five years. He’s been pulled from his darkest thoughts because of Eddie’s perceptive nature. He’s been taken care of in a lot of aspects. Distracted when he’s bored. Cherished when he’s lack luster.

He moves his own hands down to his lap. Folding them together so he doesn’t do something more stupid than what he’s already done. Something like hold on and never let go. Because Eddie isn’t his. And sure. Maybe they do love each other. Madly. Deeply. Infatuated practically. But Eddie’s right. He’s right and Steve hates that.

“You’re everything to me,” Steve murmurs. “I can’t just let you leave.”

Eddie sighs. A grievance. “Then we’re at a stalemate, baby. I can’t stay.”

“Then take me with you,” Steve says back. Quick as a bullet. Even his words surprise him. He startles back slightly. But his eyes remain on Eddie’s.

For a moment, they just stare at each other. Before Eddie blinks. Harshly. Tilting his head to the side. “Are you…You’re not just saying that, right? Do you actually want to leave? Because you didn’t want to before.”

Steve nods. “What’s left for me here anyway, right? I can just go to my house, pack my clothes, the few actual things I have, and we can go.”

This time, it’s Eddie who devours. Swooping in. Sucking on Steve’s lips. Nibbling. Holding onto him as to never let him go again. He barely moves to breathe. But when he does, it’s to whisper, “I would’ve loved you still anyway.”

“Hm?”

“If you didn’t want to come with. I still would’ve loved you. I would wait forever.”

“Well. I don’t want to keep you waiting. Help me pack?”

Eddie’s hands drift to his. He holds. Their fingers tangled. “As long as you won’t regret doing this.” His thumb is warm on the back of Steve’s left hand. It’s kind of funny. How big and moving Eddie seems to always be. Though, in this moment, every ounce of him is dedicated to devotion. To soft caresses and softer words.

Steve gives him a small smile. “The only thing I regret is not telling you that I love you sooner. Come on, Eds.” He tugs on their conjoined hands. “My life starts with you.”

💕—————💕 I thought about them not getting together. I thought about writing it so that Steve's love was unrequited. But I spared you. For today. Maybe not next time. We'll see.

#stranger things #steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #fanfiction #angst and hurt/comfort #angst with a happy ending

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a-dauntless-daffodil · 2 months

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"Charlie tops!" ok "She 'commands a little more authority' in the bedroom, as per Vaggie's suggestion!" good good sure makes sense, working on some healthy confidence building with the gf, very fun "Did you SEE her eyeing Vaggie's new wings!? How she pulled Vaggie into her during the kiss????? WOW" i'm following this thought process 100% "The way she picks Vaggie up and SPINS HER! And Vaggie's adoring look at her afterwards!" yes i too am gay "Wouldn't it be funny if happy sunshine uncomfortable with public sex things Charlie was a literal demon beast in bed with her normally grumpy and assertive partner?" it would be so cute i love it

and also

Vaggie being painfully tender with Charlie in return. Vaggie coming from a life of deranged violence where trusting people came through combat- and one of those people fucked up her body in a real and permanent way- being so careful with Charlie at first. And then later, even when she's not so worried about accidently hurting Charlie anymore, Vaggie just basking in how gentle she can be with the woman she loves. Feathers, huh? I bet there's a lot Charlie could do with those wings. I bet there's a lot of ways Vaggie could touch Charlie with them, lighter than anything she's been able to do before, and maybe not even a directly horny way but in these soft little possessive moments of reverence- the irony of an angel worshiping a demon with all the slow, deliberate movements of a prayer or sacrament. And maybe sometimes the softness and the slowness is almost too much for dramatic Charlie who can barely ever keep still, almost torturous to make it through- and maybe that's part of the fun for her, too

maybe be held tightly and firmly like Charlie will never let her go is what calms Vaggie down, maybe Charlie calling the shots lets her relax and feel safe, not having to worry about doing anything wrong

maybe Vaggie just so clearly reveling in every tiny moment with her is what get's Charlie's heart racing, maybe having to wait for each promised touch and having Vaggie keep that promise is something she kinda really needs

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crypticjackal13 · 1 year

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My mom: *sees me hard at work crafting and not talking to anyone just spacing out with my headphones in* wow I wonder what's got him so quiet?

Me: *thinking about tired MK. MK who has had enough of everything. MK who ever since the spider Queen has felt like a weapon, like if he stops training or doing ANYTHING then everything will fall apart. MK who has tried everything under the sun to feel better and cope but no one understands--not truly. Not enough that the burden of being the hero gets any lighter. Even working alongside Mei, his best friend in the whole world, he feels the need to be the leader, because as great as she is she doesn't have his powers. MK who, ever since the Lady Bone Demon, has a bittersweet relationship with the Monkey King, to the point where he can't look him in the eyes anymore because when he does it just hurts. MK who, as soon as he gets the perfect chance, goes to see macaque to see if MAYBE he has some advice, though deep down he's just worried he'll be tricked again.

Macaque is intrigued at the kid's sudden lack of energy and how everything about his energy just seems darker. Still, Macaque tells his true opinion to the kid when MK asks about the Monkey King. He's just Wukong, just a lazy immortal who only ever disregards others. And when the kid leaves with an odd sag in his shoulders he can't help but feel worried for him, even if he tries to deny actually caring about him.

MK who goes off on his own without telling anyone. MK who stops by Redson's house to ask if he knows any good demonic runes or something to make it so people can't find him. MK who disappears for a fairly long period of time and no one can get a hold of him because even though Redson thought it was a strange thing to ask for, he still complied because it was worse having to look at MK's oddly sad face.

MK who gets used to being alone. MK who never settles down, is always on the move in between different cities and towns, and he has no idea why but there's always some sort of half assed care package waiting for him by his bag in the morning, and along with it a poorly drawn doodle of him. On his birthday, there's a full note, signed by all his friends, even Macaque, not asking him why he left, but just asking him to come home safely.

MK, who, after a full year away from home, makes the trip back. He's happy to see that the city hasn't fallen apart without him, happy that he won't have to clean up a mess.

MK, who walks into Pigsy's and feels a lump in his throat when he smells his favorite recipe being cooked. Pigsy, who just about jumps over the counter to embrace his son, Tang joining in, and as if she could sense it, Mei appears too and causes the three of them to collapse onto the ground as she throws herself into them.

MK, breaking down into sobs without any words as he allows himself to be loved. The Monkey King, who goes to MK instead of the other way around, very patiently waiting his turn to speak to him because he knows this is a lot for anyone who missed the kid. Macaque showing up as well alongside Redson and both will still deny how much they care for him but they don't even try to mask their relief at seeing him safe and in one piece as he sits down to eat a proper meal.

MK, who goes to sleep that night in his childhood bedroom at Pigsy's place instead of his apartment because they both need the reassurance that the other is there.

MK, who feels refreshed after finally getting a break from everything.

#lego monkie kid #lmk headcanon #lmk #lego monkie kid headcanons #lmk mk #monkie kid mk #mk lego monkie kid #i want to give him a hug #hes been through enough #my hope is that he yells at Azure and Co. about everything #because as stubborn as they seem #i think they would find it jarring that someone as young as MK has seen so much #even for immortal standards

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dovedewdrop · 7 months

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One Number Away (Joel’s POV)

I'm one number away from calling you

I said I was through, but I'm dying, inside

Got my head in a mess, girl, I confess

I lied when I said, "I'm leaving and not coming back" / 1.3k

✨Part 1✨ ✨Part 2✨

A/N: My sincerest apologies for the wait! Thought I'd switch it up and give you all a lil look at the inside of Joel's brain😊 Also I just got back from staying in a cabin for a week and its been giving me soft cowboy!Joel thoughts so if anyone would care to grace my inbox with any thoughts on that...👀🤠🤎

Warnings: Joel being a saddie. Angst.

---

Joel thought being alone would be better. He didn’t need distractions or people depending on him anymore, he’d only let them down anyway. So when you left with Tommy he thought he’d feel lighter, now that there was a weight off his shoulders, but as it turns out, the hunch over his shoulders only pushed him down further.

Everywhere he went he felt the cold at his back, seeping into his bones, reminders of having lost Sarah and how he pushed you and his own brother away. He tried to move on, to tell himself that all of those things were in the past and he had to focus on the next thing, focus or get himself killed but the sting of his losses were written all over him for everyone to see.

Even Tess knew that he wasn’t for her, that his heart belonged to someone else and always would, so she held him at night “for warmth” and made him breakfast and poured him whiskey under the guise of friendship, hoping that one day he’d maybe see her.

For 20 years Joel sat in his guilt and anger, he let it seep through every fibre of his being, he may not be infected by cordyceps, but he was affected in a different way. Not that he was ever the most happy-go-lucky guy in Austin but he had love for his family and that made him smile and laugh and joke around, now there was nothing to laugh about.

That is, until he met Ellie.

It took him so long to warm up to her, every time he looked at her he thought about you and Sarah, he told himself that the baby you were carrying wasn’t just a miscarriage but a foreshadowing of what was to come, how it would be all his fault. Everyday spent with Ellie triggered a fountain of emotions for him, he told himself that he shouldn’t be trusted to look after her, then the next day he’d tell himself that this was his chance to make things right, to protect her like he couldn’t protect Sarah. His inside of his head resembled that of a wasps nest, thoughts always buzzing and swarming in his mind with no chance of respite, but when Ellie cracked that one joke it did, in fact, have him laughing, his mind began to quiet, and he had to admit that it was nice to not always be filled with tension.

As they crossed the country together he found his thoughts sometimes drifting to you, wondering for the most part if you were still alive. If you were, were you happy? Happy to be free of him? Happy to maybe start a new life with someone else? Or were you constantly walking through this life being traumatised? Something he knew you didn’t deserve and especially not from him. He thinks about how you were always there for him and how in the end he took your kindness and stomped all over it in those big boots of his.

When he saw you in Jackson he couldn’t do anything. He was overjoyed to see Tommy but as soon as he saw those eyes of yours, the ones that overflowed with tears the last time he saw you, he was physically rooted in place whilst mentally his mind was running a hundred miles an hour.

He watched as you walked off before turning to Tommy with a sombre look on his face. “I don’t know why I didn’t expect to see her here”, his brother didn’t know how to respond to him, as much as he was happy to see Joel, he stood firm on the fact that he had some grovelling to do. “Thank you for keepin’ her safe” The look in Joel’s eyes was genuine before he headed off in the direction of Ellie to help her with her things.

The sight of both you and Tommy after 18 years is what really took the weight off his shoulders, despite the incessant buzzing starting to creep back in. The collection of doubts begun to swirl around his brain, she doesn’t want to see you, she wouldn’t accept your apology if you gave her one, and would you blame her? He wanted so desperately to talk to you, to pull you close to his chest again, to kiss the top of your head but you were both different people now and he couldn’t ask any of those things of you.

So after his tiff with Tommy he couldn’t resist treading the snow to your house after you’d let out a snide remark. The pit in his stomach told him it was a bad idea, he was already riled up and he didn’t want to let you see that he was still an asshole, sometimes and besides, you don’t need him, you have a new life here, a better life without him, so it was better if he kept his distance.

However, before he even knew what was happening the words were tumbling out of his mouth and into the cold air, condensing it with a fog, “You…got a boyfriend?” He clocked you rolling your eyes at him. Stupid. He shouldn’t have ever come over. And then you were chastising him, something you hadn’t done since before this whole thing started because somewhere along the way you became small and he hated himself for it every single day.

He couldn’t help but take in your features, your soft lips, remembering the way you’d sometimes press them into his shoulder or your eyes, the way they lit up when you held the pregnancy test up to him from the bathroom floor.

He wanted to know what was on your mind even though he doubted you would tell him and he was right, you weren’t answering him and that was all the confirmation he needed that you weren’t interested in engaging with a man who was now pretty much a stranger to you all over again. He had to walk away, for today at least, he was tired, the day had been long and he was emotionally all over the place.

But when you spoke up and confessed everything to him, he had stopped in his tracks and the tears were one blink away from creating a stream over the planes of his face. He couldn’t let you see the inner turmoil he was going through, he wanted to run to you to, to wrap you up in his arms and never let you go again but he also didn’t trust that he was fixed, that he was cured of his anger and his traumas.

In a panic, he simply pushed out a “see ya around.”

The following few days were hard for Joel. The buzzing had returned full-time and he was feeling antsy, sometimes snapping at Ellie and feeling immediate guilt. He was working on it. However, when Saturday came around he couldn’t help it, he’d held it together for so long, when you left he’d only slipped up once, the scar on his temple a constant reminder of that.

He’d been watching you watch him and Ellie put the decorations on their Christmas tree, his heart feeling tight, because you should be here with him and Sarah and your little one, who wouldn’t be so little anymore. He’d found himself in the pub at 7:30pm that Saturday evening, downing his drinks and letting his eyes drift towards you, he knew he wasn’t helping himself but he was at a loose end, with no idea what to do with himself anymore.

The next morning he felt rough, he’d cried and cried and cried into his pillow for the majority of the night after Tommy had left him, his fist sometimes slamming down on the pillow lying next to him, before chastising himself mentally, he wouldn’t do this if you were lying next to him, he wouldn’t even be pissed out of his mind if that was the case. He brewed his morning coffee and dragged himself onto the porch, not surprised to see you sat on yours at all. He slumped down into a chair and rubbed at the bridge of his nose, he had to figure this out, decide what he was going to do.

#pedro pascal #pedro pascal characters #pedro pascal fanfiction #joel miller #joel miller angst #hbo joel miller #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller fic #joel miller x you #joel miller x reader #hbo joel miller x you #tlou #tlou hbo #the last of us #angsty Joel miller #dovedewdrop

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codfanficedits · 8 months

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Cheating Ghost part 7

Soap POV:

He was waiting in the living room for her, nearly falling over his own feet as he made his way to the front door. The sight of you standing there, with your broken heart is the hardest thing he had to watch.

‘Even in her agony, God is jealous of her beauty.’ Soap pushed that thought away, he wasn’t here to hit on you, he was here to be the friend you needed. He stepped aside to let you in. “It’s not much, but it’s safe.” He said, gesturing around his living room. It was clear a single man lived here, the pizza box from last night still on the table, his dirty socks and shoes next to the couch. A sheepish smile on his face, hoping that you wouldn’t judge him too much.

He was mesmerized by your eyes, but he could see the sadness, the hurt in them, and it made his heart ache.

He signalled for you to sit on the couch, handing you a beer, his own in his hand, as he took place in his recliner, wanting to keep a distance. There was a silence between the two of you, but to him it didn’t feel awkward at all. It felt like coming safe home after a long, stressful day.

He glanced over at you. You looked so fragile on his couch, a large pillow being used as a shield, as your gaze met his. A nervous smile.

Your phone buzzed, and he could see it was from Ghost, his eyes narrowing as he read the text. “At least have some fucking respect and answer me.”

But you were strong and you didn’t pay any mind to his text, you tossed the phone next to you and met his gaze once more.

Then the words started to pour out, and you told him everything. How you couldn’t believe it at first, how you finally started to connect the dots. How Ghost dared to come home smelling like another woman, the video you had watched. He took an occasional sip from his beer every now and then.

With every full sentence he could see your mind working overtime, telling you to not go back to that relationship anymore. It made his heart beat faster in his chest.

As if it’s natural the conversation shifts to a lighter one, as if you want to leave Ghost and the darkness that he brings with him in the past, and Soap was happy to oblige.

You tell him about your job, your hobbies, your favourite crystals and he takes in all the information as if it is the most important thing he has ever heard.

Your phone buzzed again and the both of you look at it at the same time.

“You’re gonna get it when you get home.”

Those words made Soap’s stomach drop, he had always known that Ghost had a temper, a bad one, but even this felt low for Ghost. He looked over at you, expecting to see fear in your face, but instead you just laughed. As if you were freed from the chackles Ghost had put on you.

“Shit.” Your voice sounded like giggle. “I should really put him in his place for speaking to me in this tone.”

‘God, her laugh could light up a room without trying.’

No stop, he shouldn’t think like that.

Maybe it was the beer talking, maybe it was the lack of common sense from the whole situation, but he had an idea. An idea that would put Ghost in his place.

“Come with me.” Soap told you, as he made him way to his bedroom. It was surprisingly tidy compared to his living room. Sure, the bed wasn’t made, and his backpack was casually tossed into the corner, and now that he looked around, his nightstand were a mess too. But the dirty socks were limited to the bathroom only and that was something.

“I need you to trust me, I’m not a pervert, I promise.” Soap was rambling, a treat he had when he got nervous. He swallowed some air before he started explaining. “I need you to get on my bed on all fours, I promise I won’t look okay.” The rambling continued.

You didn’t even question it, you just did what he asked you to do. He took a step closer to your ass, his breathing getting hard to control. “Look at the wall.” He muttered. The shadow being rather, suggestive.

‘Life was an artist and you were the fucking masterpiece.’

He couldn’t help but look down at you, the sight of you presenting yourself like this, God it got him hard, the blood going straight to his growing erection. He dug his nails into the palm of his hand, he had to contain himself.

You handed him your phone, allowing him to take a picture. If he didn’t know any better the shadow suggested he was actually fucking you. The thought of how tight you would be, how good you would take it, it was flooding his mind. Shit shit shit. He needed to stop.

He handed you your phone back, stepping aside, it would drive him insane if he kept looking at your ass.

Soap looked over your shoulder as you sent Ghost the picture. A grin on your face when you started to type.

"Sorry, I was busy."

#angst #call of duty modern warfare 2 #cod mw2 #call of duty #cod mwii #cod x reader #smut #soap cod #john soap mactavish #soap mw2 #tf141 #soap x reader #soap x you

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ateezwriter100799 · 2 months

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Pirates and Utopia pt.2

hey Guys this is the Part two of my Story.

I Hope you like it and have fun Reading!

Summary: a few hours later you wake Up from a deep needed sleep and decide to Look at the Crew more closely...

Fluff, San being a whole Sweethear, all members, Yunho being cute, and Hongjoong being the best Captain

If i missed anything please Tell me.

Hours have passed since I Fell asleep. My Body feels way lighter now and my wounds don't hurt as much anymore.

I slowly Sit Up and listen to the Sound of the waves Outside the ship. I Close my eyes and breath deeply. The smell of the See making me calm. I Open my eyes again looking at the door thinking If I should Go Outside or not.

I decide to stand Up and go Outside for some fresh air. I Open the door and the sunlight shines in my face as soon as i Walk Out of the door. The waves Crash around the ship and a few birds fly above us. Suddenly I hear two voices coming from the left Side of the ship. I decide to See who the voices belong to and Walk into the direction the voices are coming from.

I Spot two of the Crew members Just chatting while looking into the distace. I Look closely and notice that the two Crew members seem to be San and Yunho. I slowly step closer to them Feeling Kind of nervous as I come closer. Suddenly San Turns around and spots me.

"oh hey...seems Like you are awake now. I was worried...are you Feeling better?" He asks now stepping closer to me.

I Just nod and Smile slightly. "Is your throat still hurting?" Yunho suddenly asks. I nod again. I'm still now able to talk...or Well I could but I would only get Out a few words. San Guides me to the end of the ship. I Look into the width of the sea...I remember the Times when me and my Friends used to swim around and have fun. But these dumm Pirates Always have to Ruin everything.

San seems to notice how sad I am and places His Hand on my shoulder. I Look at him with wide, confused eyes.

"You seem sad. Everything okay? Do you miss your Family?" He asks while giving me a concerned Look. I Just Look at him and then lower my head thinking about my mother...why did the Pirates have to Ruin another day?

"It's okay. I'm Here for you. I promise we'll try to find your Family. And until then you can stay with us! We'll keep you safe..." He sais. Then Yunho comes Up to us with a Smile on His face.

"San is right. I'm Sure your Family is Safe. And we'll keep you Safe until you can Go Back to your Family." Yunho gives me a big Smile and Stands Next to me.

I Smile Back, being Happy that they Care so much even though they don't even know me. As I Look into the Horizon where the sun is slowly setting i sigh. I let the Wind breeze through my (h/c) Hair and relax. My Body feels Like it's free and so light.

"There you are." A voice behind us suddenly sais.

"We are waiting for you Guys. Dinner is ready. Wooyoung already Set the table." The voice sais. All three of us Turn around to See Seonghwa Standing behind us with His Arms crossed.

We all follow Seonghwa into the kitchen where all the Other Crew members and Hongjoong are already sitting ready to eat. "Took you Guys Long enough." Wooyoung barcks. "Sorry...but we were Just comforting Our guest. If you thinks thats so bad then Not my Problem." San bites Back. "No fighting. Just Sit down and eat." Hongjoong sais.

After Dinner we all Just Talk and Chat about different things. Suddenly Hongjoong asks; "What's your Name? You never told us. I mean you couldn't until now..."

All of their eyes were on me and i feel a light Wave of nervousness Run through my Body. I Open my mouth to speak but only a caugh comes Out. "You don't need to speak If you can't..." Yunho sais while rubbing my Back slowly. I Smile and Shake my head.

"(y/n)..." I finally breath Out very quietly.

Hongjoong nods. "Thank you. From now on we can call you by yor name. That Sounds good right?" He sais. I nod and Smile at him.

"So Our Journey to Utopia is almost over. When we arrive we'll buy some clothes for (y/n) and get some provisions for our Journey to Treasure. It will Take about a week until we arrive at Treasure so we need new water, food and supplies. We'll arrive in Utopia in about two days so be ready. And (y/n), we'll find some better clothes for you I promise." Hongjoong sais before smiling at me.

I nod and bow to Show how greatfull I am for what they are doing for me.

The sun is now setting as I stand at the end of the ship again, just watching how the sun is slowly disapearing into the horizon.

"hey..." San suddenly sais Next to me. I Turn around facing him while smiling at him. "If you need anything Just Tell me. I'm Here for you and so are the Others." He sais. I bow and Smile at him. I'm starting to get tired and San seems to notice. "I should get you to your room. You should Rest. You need the Energy." He sais while taking my Hand guiding me Back to my room.

I Smile and as we Walk I can feel a weird Feeling in my stomach...I've never felt something Like this before. But it feels...nice.

We arrive at the door to my room. I Turn to San and smile. "T-thank y-you..." I say quietly as I Look Up at him. He gives me a sweet Smile and opens the door for me.

"Remember, If you need anything Just Talk to me." He sais before Putting some of my hair behind my ear smiling at me. I can feel my cheeks become hot. I Smile at him and slowly Walk into my room and slowly closing the door behind me. I sink down the door smiling to myself.

Maybe These Guys are Not so bad...

#ateez fluff #ateez fanfic #ateez #ateez x reader #ateez imagines #ateez fic #choi san #yeosang #hongjoong #jeong yunho #seonghwa #mingi #jongho #wooyoung #atiny #ateez x y/n

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silver-pieces · 1 year

Text

mandalorian’s mercy part nine

Previously ‘Are You Cold?’

Pairing: Alpha!Din x (afab) omega!fem!reader

Word Count: 7k

Synopsis: Yearning, desire, and consequences.

Warnings: 18+, minors dni, smut (MF, masturbation, dirty talk, omegaverse heats & ruts, breeding kink, sub/dom dynamic) a/b/o dynamics, tw: food

A/N: I just want to say again, thankyou to everyone for all of the love & support on this fic, it has made me so so happy 💕. I’m planning to post part 10, the finale, soon. As always, if you like my writing, please reblog. I hope you enjoy...

Divider ❊ Masterlist ❊ More Din ❊ Taglist

Part Eight < Series Masterlist > Part Ten

You’re thinking about him again.

In your hand sits the communicator Din gave you, the smooth curved shape now so familiar it’s etched in your brain. Your thumb runs over the buttons as you let your mind wander, drifting off to memories of him, of your Alpha, the attractive sound of his deep laughter and the warm secure grip of his hand around your waist.

A soft nudge to your side takes you out of it. “Hey.”

You blink. “Sorry, Anuma.” Shit. You run your hand over your face and stifle a groan. There’s still so much work to be done.

The Twi’lek sitting next to you knows better than to touch you again, but she peers at you with those sharp, discerning eyes, and although most of her features are masked, somehow you know she’s frowning. “You need to nest.”

A pang of fear goes through you. That word. You shake your head. “No, no, I’m not there yet.”

“Fine.” She sighs. “Take the water out then, you’re clearly of no use in here anymore.”

Heat rushes to your face. You look down at the table; the large pile of coin that should have already been counted up and stashed away still untouched. You stand and back away from the corner desk. “Sorry. I’ll - water...”

She regards you with a disapproving look, then turns back to the task, shaking her head and muttering to herself in Twi’leki.

You step up to the kitchen sink, the sound of clicking credits filling the room as she takes over your job.

Her office is still nothing but a small corner desk and a safe tucked into the nook of the kitchen. It’s makeshift, but there’s so many other things in this den that take priority when it comes to upgrades.

The kitchen itself has been a massive project, a job that took you most of the month to complete. Now, setting your eyes on the results of your hard work, you feel hopeful. It’s not great, but it’s a lot better than before.

The tap water is luxuriously cool. You splash some on your face to cool down, providing a brief respite from the heat clawing beneath your skin. You stare at your flushed reflection in the water and try not to burst into tears, or laughter.

The mood-swings that accompany your heat seem worse than last time. It’s incredibly draining, helping out with the den, one minute feeling happy and flirty and lighter than air, and the next, yearning for your Alpha hitting you like a punch to the gut until you feel like sinking to the floor and crying your eyes out.

No, it wasn’t like this last time. Last time, you were freshly off the blockers. This time, you’ve had a whole month without them.

As you go to leave the room with the tray in hand, Anuma blocks your path, a bottle of pills in her hand. “Please, take one.”

You brush her aside. “We’ve had this conversation.”

“There’s no need to torture yourself without an Alpha.”

You grit your teeth, hand on the doorknob, wishing she wouldn’t call it torture. “Save it for someone in need.” You open the door and step out.

“And what will your Alpha think?”

You halt midstep, some of the water spilling over the edges of the cups. Stars dammit, why did you ever tell her about what happened with Din?

She rounds you, arms crossed. The cloying scent of incense fills your lungs. “You already lied to him about your location, what do you think he’s going to do when he - ”

“It’s not about him,” you protest.

She gives you a look.

You sigh, gripping the tray a little tighter. “When I see those blockers, I see myself a month ago, completely unprepared to go into heat and desperate for blockers which you didn’t have. Sure, I had a trustworthy Alpha in the end, but what about the next Omega who walks through those doors?”

She casts her gaze down to the floor and sighs.

“I came here to help,” you continue. “So, please, stop tempting me with them. We only have a limited supply.”

She hesitates, before pocketing them. “I just... don’t want to see you in pain.” Flicking her eyes back up to you, you see a vulnerable side of her she rarely allows anyone to see.

You force the part of you that’s afraid deep down, and square your shoulders. “We set up the nests for this very situation. I promise, I’ll be fine.”

You already lied to him about your location -

You push her voice out of your head. You can’t think about that, not without being sucked into a downward spiral of anxiety and guilt and hormones.

People take water from the tray as you make the rounds through the den. Though the room itself is fairly big, it’s overflowing with Betas and Omegas seeking refuge every night. Still, the place has been improved a lot over the past few weeks.

For one, it smells a lot nicer now. Where there was once a dirt floor and simple fabric partitions, there’s now clean beds and privacy screens.

Your tray is light as you reach one of the employees, an Omega woman who showed up a few days ago and has been working here since. She never gave anyone her name, but you feel like you can trust her, like her eyes convey an air of strength and certainty.

She’s folding sheets and humming when you find her.

“Hey you, thirsty?” you say as you approach with the tray.

She stiffens, then turns to you with a raised eyebrow. “It’s you.”

“What?”

“That tangy scent,” she says, approaching to take a drink. “Normally we’ve relocated any Omega that smells like that into one of the nests. Are you sure you should be here, boss?”

“Not the boss,” you insist.

She shrugs, lifting the cup to her lips and taking a long drink.

You shift on your feet. “I don’t want to nest,” you confess. “It doesn’t feel right.”

Finishing the water, she sets the empty cup back on the tray and wipes her mouth. “You want my advice, boss?”

You nod.

She looks at you straight. “Stop waiting for it to feel right. Omegas cannot afford to be picky, and a nest is never going to feel right without an Alpha to make it for.”

An Alpha to make it for. Your knees go a little weak, and you can’t help the way your thoughts flick to him again. That’s it, little Omega. Make me another nest. His voice, clear as day.

A bolt of heat lunges through your veins. It’s sudden and brutal, and you gasp in pain. “Oh - stars!” The scent of your slick permeates the air.

“Shhhit,” the Omega curses, lifting the tray from your hands. “I think it’s here, boss. Come on and we’ll get you to a nest.”

Your stomach turns. She leads you away from the den, towards the back door which used to be a storage room. Now cleared and divided into private nesting spaces, it serves as a place for Omegas in heat to retreat to. Maker willing, the den would always have enough blockers to prevent anyone from going into heat, but there are always situations outside of your control.

The makeshift nests are designed to be scentless and comfortable, but also practical and cost-efficient. The intention behind it was to ease the pain of an untended Omega in heat, but now, all you feel is insulted as you’re lowered into one by the girl who calls you boss.

Nests are instinctual - special. You never made one before Din.

“No, it’s not right,” you gasp, sweating with heat and aching to your core. “Not without him here.”

“Try and sleep through it,” she says, fixing the sheets of the nest in a way which annoys you.

“Won’t help,” you murmur, curling in on yourself as a cramp hits you, and already you feel your eyes pricking with tears. “I’ll just dream about him.” Like you’ve been doing every night since you left him.

She narrows her eyes at you, standing up. “Who is ‘he’?”

Tears wet your cheeks. “Just an Alpha.”

“Ah.” Pity flashes in her eyes.

“What, no advice on how to get through this without him?”

She shrugs. “I wouldn’t know.”

You nod and curl back in on yourself. Her scent isn’t offensive, but like most Omega scents, it doesn’t appeal to you, and you find having her here both irritates you and distracts you from your heat.

“You know the drill,” she says from the doorway. “Meals will be delivered through the hatch. There’ll be morning checkups, so try to cover up after breakfast. And try and keep the noise down if you can.”

“Yeah, thanks.” Leave me alone now.

She shuts the door.

You bury your face into the stiff, odourless pillow and let out a whine. Heat floods between your legs. Your channel contracts around nothing, and your muscles tense and groan in dissatisfaction.

You’ve been through your heat without an Alpha before, but this time is different. This time, you know what you’re missing. You have memories to torture yourself with.

It’s too late to go on blockers now. You chose this. But you didn’t expect this level of desperation and pain so soon, so brutal. Fuck.

Soon, the heat gets too much, so you divest yourself of your clothes and dig yourself further into the nest, rubbing your needy scent on the sheets as much as possible.

Time loses meaning.

The room is dark and bare and silent.

The memory of his scent calls to you - a phantom scent that you remember well now that it’s missing.

It hurts.

It hurts so much that you feel paralysed by the pain and the discomfort, unable to move until there’s a knock on the door and food pushed through the hatch.

The scent of dinner food crawls over your skin and invades your nostrils, causing your instincts to go haywire. Wrong.

The thought of eating is about as unappetising as it could possibly get, but there’s a quiet, filtered voice in your head that reminds you that you need to keep your energy up, so you wolf it down in miserable silence and then shove the empty plate back through the door and lean forward to rest your head on the cool durasteel, temporarily abandoning your nest.

You breathe deeply, trying to calm your emotions, but the urge to cry is getting harder to resist. It’s hard to believe you’re only a few hours into this torture.

When the food has settled and you’ve cooled down as much as possible, you turn back to your nest, eyeing it in the dim light with disdain.

Your clothes lay strewn to the side, discarded over your nest in a way that feels unsatisfying. You’re not sure it will help, but maybe if you incorporate them into the nest properly...

Your hands move quickly as you fixate on the task you’ve given yourself. There’s enough slick slowly dripping between your legs that you decide to avoid putting your nice clothes in that region, instead opting to layer the fabrics nearer to your head so you can breathe in the scent more. It’s no Alpha scent, but it calms the territorial side of you to mark this place as your own.

Your hand catches on an object in one of the pockets in your clothes. The circular device can only be one thing - the communicator Din gave you.

Din.

A wave of sudden need hits you, overcoming everything else, and you find yourself abandoning your task, eagerly taking the communicator out of the clothes and propping it on a pillow almost reverently.

With a press of a button, the device lights up and you’re able to go through your encrypted messages. You bite your lip, anticipation rising.

Are you safe?

The latest message from Din, sent tonight, appears on the screen.

You melt at his words, and for that matter, slick is gushing from your pussy worse than before. You have to close your eyes and breathe through the pain for a moment.

The same message has been sent to you every day, but it never comes at exactly the same time, which is why you’ve resorted to carrying it around with you. It’s become your most treasured possession, the damned device burning a hole in your pocket as you help run the den.

Shit, the timecode indicates this was sent hours ago. This might just be the longest you’ve gone without responding. And if Din suspects something is wrong, he might try to find you on Minnoth.

Those thoughts are vague, distant worries that briefly concern you before you get swept up in your heat again. Your mind whirls, your instincts screaming at you Alpha, Alpha, Alpha, and your finger hovers over a second button. The forbidden one. The one he told you not to touch unless it was an emergency. Live holo.

This is an emergency, the hormonal side of you argues.

But then he’ll find out. He’ll know you didn’t go on blockers, and he’ll know you left Minnoth. He might come looking for you.

Your thighs squeeze together at the thought, because fuck, the thought of him coming for you is enticing, and suddenly you’re struggling to remember why you shouldn’t press the button.

It’s not encrypted, Din will freak out, and besides, you’re supposed to be avoiding talking to each other as much as possible. All very logical, important arguments.

But right now, you don’t care about any of that. There’s a deep, instinctual feeling within you, urging you to call him and tell him everything.

Your Alpha will make everything okay.

You press the button before you can talk yourself out of it.

“Stars, what am I doing?” you mutter to yourself, as you wait for him to pick up. Your mind’s gone blank, and you can’t remember why the little voice in your head is crying this is a mistake! Dread grows in your gut, but so does excitement, and need.

Then the hologram finally lights up, bathing the room in a soft electric glow.

Your breath stops as you take in the image of Din, live. He’s clearly sitting, leant forward over his holo, wearing nothing but a loose undershirt and his helmet.

“Omega?” comes his voice, urgent and gruff, and you could weep with happiness. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

You go to speak, but can’t find the words. You’re sitting in your nest, all alone and in heat, slick seeping into the sheets beneath you. He can probably see your nakedness. Fuck, it’s really him. “Din,” you breathe, taking the communicator and laying back into your nest, “I miss you.”

There’s silence for a second. His chest rises and falls. “Why did you call me?” he finally says.

You whimper, and a few tears slide down your face. “I need you. Need you here, with me.” In my nest.

He huffs a breath. “Omega.” There’s a growl in his tone that sends shivers down your spine.

You moan as a fresh gush of slick begins, and shift your legs and arch your back on instinct. “Oh...”

“Are you...”

“Yes?” You turn your head back to the holo, to him. He’s leaning closer now, like he’s trying to see you better.

“Are you in heat?”

“Yes,” you repeat, and let out an involuntary sob. The tears have started now, and they probably won’t stop for a while yet.

“Fuck,” he hisses, and the holo shakes and blurs as he moves on the bed. “Fuck.” His voice comes out muffled.

“Din?” Your anxiety grows, that little voice warning you in the back of your head that you did something wrong. But you can’t remember what. You need to see him again. You lean in closer to the holo, biting your lip. “Din I - I need to see you, please - ”

“I’m coming,” he says, but his voice sounds farther away. A few seconds later, the image stabilises, and you can see him sitting in the pilot’s chair, operating the control panel. “Fucking stars, Omega, wait for me.” He operates the ship, urgently tapping buttons and flicking switches. “I’m a day away from Minnoth - shit. Don’t let anyone else in. Where are you staying?”

You bite your lip.

“Omega, answer me. Where are you?” he growls, using his Alpha command. It’s supposed to be less effective on calls, but you still feel the urge to obey coming over you.

“I’m at the Omega Den,” you confess shakily. “On Coruscant.”

He growls. “What?”

“I’m sorry.” you whimper.

He rears back a little. “I don’t understand. Yesterday you said you were safe.”

“I was - I am - but I - ”

“You think you’re safe at the den, without blockers,” he finishes for you, a growl in his voice that hints his disagreement.

You nod. “I helped set this place up.”

He shakes his head. “You’re not making sense.”

“Sorry,” you say, heat rushing to your face. It’s hard to think properly - everything would be so much better if he was here. “Can you come?”

He shifts focus back to the operating panel, switching buttons as though to change course. After a few moments, he leans back in his seat and you can see him take a deep breath by the rise and fall of his chest. He shakes his head and murmurs low, “Coruscant is three days away.”

Your heart sinks. “Oh.”

“Fuck, little thief,” he growls, running a hand down his helmet.

A whimper escapes you, your insides clenching. He’s mad, and it’s your fault.

Shaking his head, he leans forward and flicks a few more buttons. His voice comes out distant as he leans away from the holo. “I’m setting the Razor to a hard burn. You stay inside until I get to you, okay? It’s not safe.”

“Okay,” you nod, trying to sound not as broken as you feel. “Are you angry with me? I just thought...” You moan as the needy ache in your core grows unbearable again. The pain is getting worse, causing your breaths to come out short and shallow as you twist and writhe in the nest, losing sight of the holo.

“Omega?” His voice is muffled again - distant. But warmth spreads through you at the sound. “Omega - talk to me.”

In heat and vulnerable, you stand no chance against his commands. “Din?” you call out. Your eyes open, and you catch sight of him again.

He’s sitting on the edge his bunk from the looks of it, bracing his elbows on his knees in a way that makes his biceps tense. “I’m right here,” he growls. “Talk to me.”

“Okay,” you breathe, eyes straying around the room. “Uh, I made a fucking terrible nest.”

“You nested?”

“Wasn’t my idea,” you murmur, picking at the sheets and rubbing your thighs together.

He growls. “Whose idea was it?”

“Anuma’s.”

“Who is Anuma?”

Your core clenches at his possessive tone. “Friend,” you whimper. “Beta.”

“Fuck.” The hologram shakes slightly, Din’s arm reaching down out of frame to his lower body, and you instantly realise he’s feeling himself.

Your body burns with need. “Alpha,” you cry out, half aware and half in a delirious state of heat and pain. The nest feels too hot and too cold at the same time, but you know it would all go away if Din was here, covering your body possessively with his, scenting you with his pheromones.

You turn over onto all fours and raise your ass up into the air, legs spread wide, without even thinking about it. “Din...”

He grunts, and you hear him shifting positions, but in your movement you lost track of the holo again. “Are you fucking presenting right now, Omega? Move the holo so I can see you better.”

Your eyes fly open. Where is it? You don’t want to move from your position - but you need to obey your Alpha. You scramble through your nest until you find the source of the glow, and whimper as you set your eyes on him again.

He’s shifted the view of the holo down, and you are so consumed by the sudden sight of his fist around his cock it sends a rush of slick to your cunt.

“Please, please, I need it,” you whimper, desperately following the movement of his hand up and down his length. “I’m so wet.”

“Fuck yes,” he groans. He jerks his fist faster, forearm tensing deliciously with the movement. “Fucking best feeling ever, pushing inside your wet cunt.”

Your body clenches, a whine pouring from your throat before you can stop yourself.

“I know,” he pants, “I know, Omega, it’s killing me too.”

“Need you inside me!”

“Show me.”

You blink at his order, then move, twisting onto your back and then taking the holo down your body, pointing it towards your pussy. You move so fast you barely even register what you’re doing - everything is on autopilot now, nothing except your heat and your Alpha. With your legs spread open, you give him a clear view of the wetness between your legs. “Can you see?”

You peer at him, and while you’ve been moving, so has he. He’s kneeling, the position perfect for him to hold his cock out in front and jerk himself off, the display giving you an up-close view of his hips, pelvis, and thighs.

“Yes,” is all he says, the word a deep grunt. He’s going faster now, furiously fucking his fist to the holo of you, and your legs spread wider for him.

The sight is erotic. You can almost feel each thrust as he begins jerking his pelvis, fucking into his fist. The knot at the base, already swelling, teasing you so bad your cunt feels ridiculously empty.

“Please fuck me,” you beg desperately, tears welling in your eyes again. “Please, Alpha.”

He growls in response, the sound broken up by the jerking of his hips, and it almost sends you over the edge. “Touch yourself,” he commands.

You instantly put your hand on your pussy and run a finger through your slick. Jolts of electric bliss emulate through you, and you start going faster, working yourself frantically, needing more more more -

“Greedy,” your Alpha says, jerking himself off to the sight. He sounds both furious and amused and your body reacts, like it does to everything he says, with more slick.

“Not enough,” you breathe.

“I know.”

“Need your knot, Alpha.”

“Keep going.” He sounds desperate now, and it sends shivers down your spine. He's big and hard and ready to knot you and the sight is an exquisite torture.

You moan, circling your clit and spreading your legs as wide as you can for him. “Cum. Cum inside me.”

“Fuck yes, Maker,” he groans. “Want to knot and breed you, Omega. Fill you up with me, sink my teeth in your neck, split you apart on my knot - ”

“Din.” You start to come, realising he’s gone into rut and it’s exactly what your inner Omega wants more than anything. You lose your grip on the holo but it doesn’t matter because you can still hear his deep groan when he comes as well, sending you further into bliss.

As you ride it out together, he rambles praises and promises like an Alpha in rut is compelled to do, and it’s perfect.

Mentally, you’re in bliss. Physically, however, you’ve never felt emptier.

Laying in your nest in the aftermath, you blink slowly and reach around to find the holo again.

He’s standing now, peeling off his shirt and shifting things around the space as though getting ready for a rut.

When he turns back to the holo, he catches you watching him, and growls, leaning down towards you. “Again?”

With a shiver, you nod.

Across holo, you tease orgasms out of each other, one after another, until you’re soaked in ineffective pheromones and sweat.

First on all fours, presenting. Then kneeling so he can see your tits. Now on your back again because you’re getting exhausted. He gets off on the commands, and you get off on obeying them.

“That’s five, little thief.” Din pants.

You lift your hand from your slick pussy and try not to wince as another wave of heat overcomes you for a moment, filling you with nausea and desperation. You need more, but your inner muscles feel abused and sore from your meagre fingers.

A tear falls down the side of your face. “Why aren’t you here, Alpha?”

He sucks in a breath. “Omega...”

“I know.” You wipe your tear away and roll over in your nest, burying your face in your own scent. “I’m sorry. It’s my fault.”

“Don’t talk like that.”

You bite your lip and roll over again to face him in the holo. He’s laying down, naked except for his helmet, watching you. “But I’ve fucked everything up.”

“Omega, don’t.” He sounds torn. “Not while I can’t be there to comfort you.”

More tears fall, even as you wipe them away. “Fuck, I’m sorry. My hormones are a mess without you.”

He groans and rolls on his back, looking up at the ceiling. “When I find you, we can talk. Exchange stories. And I will want to know. Everything, Omega.”

You nod solemnly.

“But, right now?” His voice lowers. “I couldn’t give a fuck about any of it. I missed you.”

Your heart soars.

The sound of someone knocking on the door interrupts you. The hatch opens and a food tray slides through. "Hey boss, breakfast.”

Breakfast time already? It feels like the time has flown by, and yet, there’s still so much more of this you have to go through without your Alpha. Two and a half fucking days. Any appetite you may have built up leaves you at the thought. You push yourself up to look at the dish.

“What is it?” Din asks.

You lay back down in your nest, peeking up at your holo. “Nothing, just breakfast.”

He snaps his head toward you instantly, and his voice comes out a growl. “Someone saw you?”

A rush of heat floods through you at his tone, and you quickly shake your head, shifting your legs to relieve the pressure between them. “No, no, there’s a food hatch.”

“At the den? Where are the others?” He doesn’t sound convinced.

“It’s okay,” you start, giving into the urge to please your Alpha as much as possible. It’s impossible to ignore how attractive his growing protectiveness is. You’re struggling to form sentences, too distracted by hormones stirring up your heat. “They have private nest spaces now, in case of emergency.” You bite your lip and shift in your nest. Maker he looks so broad and strong laying out on his bunk, one arm bent back behind his head, flexing his bicep. When you see him next, you’re going to bite him.

“Smart,” he grunts in response, sounding slightly more relaxed.

“I need you to fuck me.” The words are out of your mouth before you can think about it.

His growl is instant, and dangerously low, and you watch in eager anticipation as he leans over and grabs the holo, staring at you through his visor. “You need to eat your breakfast first.”

You sigh. “I knew you’d say that.”

“Then do it, Omega.”

“Why should I? There’s no-one here to make me.”

“Are you disobeying me?”

Oh. You don’t respond, frozen by his words.

“Omega.”

You whimper.

“Eat.”

And just like that, you’re getting up to retrieve the tray. As you return and sit back down in front of the holo, a thought crosses your mind, and you pause. “What about you?”

He tilts his head. “I'll be fine.”

You frown. “But you need to eat too.”

“I don’t want to leave you. Not while you’re in heat.”

Your heart melts for him, but you can’t let him get away with this. As you slip a spoonful of breakfast gruel into your mouth, you summon all the dominance you can muster while in heat, swallow, and glare at him. “You’re in rut, too, if I’m not mistaken. Cover the holo while you eat, and I’ll talk to you so you know I’m still there.”

He tilts his head at your display, folding his arms. “You’re cute. I’ll be fine.”

You glare harder, but maker, he’s stubborn. You sigh, and, tapping into your Omega nature, beg. “Please, Alpha?” you ask, giving him pleading eyes. “I need you to keep up your strength for me.”

He stares at you silently, but you notice his arms losing a little of their stiffness.

“Please,” you beg again.

He gives a shake of his head, and sighs. “Don’t... don’t beg like that... that is unfair.”

You laugh. “Good to know.”

“Eat your breakfast.” The holo goes shaky as he gets off the bunk. “I’ll get something now.”

“And you’ll stay on the call?”

“Yes.”

You watch the holo closely as you eat. There’s something so domestically fulfilling about eating together, and like watching one of the most interesting holovids in your life, you end up absent-mindedly snack on your breakfast food while watching him methodically prepare his meal with all the precision of the bounty hunter who tracked you down in that backwater hotel.

By the time he sits down to eat, you’re almost finished, setting the food tray aside.

He speaks to you gently. “I’m covering the holo, but we can still talk.”

You nod. “Yeah.”

He reaches for the holo, and then the image disappears.

You lean in. “Din?” You call, just to check

“Yes,” comes the low sound of his voice.

You smile, and lay back in your nest.

“Talk to me, Omega.”

Wandering your hands along the fabrics of the nest, you close your eyes and imagine you’re next to him. But when you open your eyes, he’s still not there, and it hurts. Sighing, you roll onto your front and stare at the blank device.

“I thought about calling you every day, but the live holo... you said someone could track it?”

It takes a moment for him to respond. “Yeah, they might.”

Your stomach clenches. Ending contact with him is not an option you can even consider, and yet, you worry. “Am I... in danger?”

The clattering of cutlery crackles through the speaker. “No.” The speaker picks up a slight catch in his breath. “I hope not.”

He’s worried. Concern overtakes you at the thought, and suddenly you’re thinking clearly. “You know what, yeah, it will be okay. We set up protections here, even if someone does... come looking.” You nod confidently to yourself.

“Protections?”

The curiosity in his tone makes you perk up. “You want me to tell you about them?”

You can hear the slight smile in his voice as he response. “Yes I do, little thief. Tell me what you’ve been doing.”

Heat rushes to your face, and like a criminal confessing, you begin to explain in detail all the various projects you’ve been working on over the past few weeks without him.

All conversation ends as soon as Din reappears in the holo. You’re a whimpering, needy Omega in heat, and as he sees your reaction, he growls out a command. “Present.”

Stars, you’ll never get used to his voice, even through the vocoder and over holovid, and even without the command, you would eagerly obey him.

But as you go to position yourself on all fours for him, a gentle knock sounds on the door.

You freeze.

“What is it?” your Alpha growls, his thickened, hard cock taking up the entire frame of the holo as he strokes it up and down.

More raps against the door. “Boss? You covered up? It’s checkup time, I’m coming in...”

Shit! Checkups after breakfast, how could you forget? Your eyes dart around the nest as you take in the scene. Maybe it wouldn’t matter if they knew you about the holo, but the territorial side of you doesn’t like it, and right now, that’s the part that’s in control.

There’s a beeping as the Omega on the other side of the door punches in the unlocking code.

Your insides clench, because fuck, your Alpha will have to wait. “Just a moment!” you call out, sitting up and scrambling to get things in order.

“Omega.”

You snatch the holo and hold it close to your mouth so you can whisper. “They’re coming in to check up on me.”

“What? Who?”

“Omega. I don’t know her name, but I trust her.”

He growls. “You don’t need her.”

“I know.”

“You need me.”

“I know, Alpha,” you breath, your hormones flaring at his possessiveness. “I’ll get rid of her as soon as possible, but they won’t leave without doing a proper checkup.”

He jerks his head, as if trying to come to terms with this. You can see the tendons in his neck tense as he clenches his jaw.

You bite your lip to keep your reaction at bay.

“Fuck. I can’t stop it,” he growls angrily, “...but if she touches you, Omega, I will kill her.”

Maker. “She won’t,” you assure him breathlessly.

He nods, and you see the image of him move as though he’s walking around, pacing as he watches.

You tuck the communicator beneath a fold in your nest, and the holo image of Din disappears. Your stomach drops in despair at not being able to see your Alpha, so deep into your heat.

Lifting the thinnest sheet on your overheated form, you clear your throat and call out to the Omega.

“Come in.”

With a beep and a click, the door slides open, and the Omega who calls you boss stares down at you with a raised eyebrow. “Bad time?” she asks.

“Always.” Your pussy gives out a needy throb, missing the attention you were about to give it moments earlier.

She snorts. “I’ll be quick then. You okay?”

You nod.

“Good.” She spreads her hands out, open. “Anything you need, now’s the time.”

“I’m fine,” you start to say, before eyes widening as you remember something. “No-one has come asking for me, have they?”

She frowns. “No... You expecting someone?”

You breath a sigh of relief. “No, no, just paranoid. Thanks.”

“Right,” she nods, eyeing you curiously, before turning to go. “I’ll keep an ear out.” And with a slap of her hand on the number pad, the door slides shut again.

You move instantly, frantically fumbling through the nest for the communicator. The holo lights up with the image of him pacing back and forth with his form tense, arms folded, and head lowered.

“Din,” you breathe, the needy ache between your legs growing.

He stops pacing and snaps his head towards you.

You swallow. “She’s gone.”

He comes close to the holo until only his lower stomach is in view, his hardness standing at attention. “Present,” he snarls.

His dominance sends a rush of slick between your legs, a whine rising in your throat. You follow your natural instinct to present, getting on all fours, arching your back down low, and spreading your legs so he can see everything.

For a moment he says nothing, and there’s just the static sound of his panting.

Is he stroking himself? “Alpha, please,” you moan, slick running down the inside of your thigh.

“You want my cock inside you, don’t you?”

“Yes!” you tip your head back, rocking yourself on all fours. “Please!”

“Fuck, so do I. I want it so bad and you’re right there and I can’t.”

You rock back more, whimpering. “I’m so empty.”

He groans.

“Please, Alpha, please.”

“Just... just finger yourself.”

Disappointment floods through you, even though you know it’s the best you can do for yourself right now. Stiffly, you reach a hand between your legs.

“Show me your slick.”

You part your pussy more for him and run a finger through it.

“Fuck. I have to taste you again.”

You bury your face into the nest as your fingers begin working your pussy. “Oh.” A moan escapes you.

“When I find you,” he pants, “I’m going to have you against a wall again.”

You moan louder.

“And then bent over something.”

“Yes.”

“Closest fucking waist-high surface,” he snarls.

You grit your teeth as a wave of pleasure moves through you. “Oh fuck, oh please!”

“My teeth on your fucking neck.”

Bliss fills your body at the thought. “Claiming me,” you breathe. “I want you to.”

“Uh huh,” he grunts.

“I mean it, Din. It’s all I’ve been thinking about for weeks.” And it has been. The entire time you’ve been away from him, all you’ve been thinking about, is being with him again. It feels like where you belong, and you’ve been dying not being able to tell him in person.

“Me too,” he rumbles, voice low and soft, and warmth blooms within your chest. “Me too, little thief. I...”

You swallow back your relief. Thank the stars, you would never have had the courage to just come out and say it if you weren’t in heat, but now, he knows, and he still wants it too.

“I’m so close,” you moan.

“I see that,” he pants.

You spread your legs wider for him. “It’s all for you, Alpha. All of it.”

“Shit,” he curses, panting louder. “Then come for me, Omega. That’s an order.”

You reach the peak of your orgasm with a cry of his name, submitting to his order like the good Omega you want to be for him.

“Ah, fuck, I need to be inside you,” he groans and pants as he comes, and you look down between your legs to see him on the holo, his cock still in frame as he grips his knot, bent forward kneeling on the bunk and shooting his seed onto his sheets.

A second orgasm wracks through your body at the sight. What you wouldn’t give to receive his spend inside you right now and fulfil exactly what your body is craving. Instead, you can only watch in desire and despair as it all goes to waste.

As your legs give out, you roll over onto your front, perching the holo on a pillow in front of you. Din has his head buried in his sheets, and as you watch, he pushes himself back up into a kneeling position, his bare chest glistening with sweat. His cock is already hard again.

“I meant it,” you say.

The blue pixels of the holo shift with slight movement of his helmet. He nods. “So did I.”

The aftermath of your heat comes too fast and too slow all at once. You could talk to Din for days and not get bored, but you’ve been breathing in nothing but your own pheromones and scent for days, and your skin is crawling with the urge to shower.

So when your new Omega friend knocks on the door next, you finally muster up the energy to get up.

All of your sheets are stained with slick. Without much else choice, you find the least offensive one and wrap it around your sore, naked form, and trawl your way through the den.

It’s not until after your shower that you remember your communicator is still in the nest.

You rush back, fully dressed and cleaned, and rummage through the nest until you find it - out of charge.

It’s unclear in your memory when exactly the holo cut out, between talking to Din, or during your sleep, but your heart hammers in your chest at the thought of Din seeing the holo end for no reason, and realising you were gone.

You plug it in to charge and wait anxiously for it to turn back on.

Finally it lights up, and you find a message waiting for you.

Stay.

You almost laugh.

I’m not a dog, you respond back, and then add, Yes, Alpha.

“Boss? Boss!”

You turn around and find the new Omega rushing into the room, eyes wide. “There’s a Mandalorian here to see you. An Alpha.”

You stand. “Did you see him?”

She shakes her head. “Anuma warned me. She’s talking to him now, I think.”

You nod. “Best to stay inside.”

“It’s him, isn’t it?” she asks. “The Alpha you were mumbling about in your heat? He’s here for you.”

Heat rushes to you face, and you brush past her. “Maybe.” You hope so. “Go to the others. No-one goes in or out until Anuma gives the go ahead. Full lockdown, just in case, okay?”

She nods, getting that hard look in her eyes, and turns down the hall on your orders.

You take a deep breath, trying to calm yourself. Then, closing your eyes, you try and slow your heart beating its way out of your chest. If it’s Din outside... fuck it. You can’t bear another second behind this door.

You push down the handle and step outside. The air isn’t much better than within, and as you fill your lungs with that familiar dirt-poor street scent, you pick up the calming tones of Anuma’s beta scent, and then, the Alpha’s.

Your eyes fly open.

Paz Vizsla stands on the darkened street, one hand on his blaster as he talks down to a very furious looking Anuma.

“I have no interest in shutting down your operation.”

“What operation?” Anuma shrugs. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

It happens suddenly - the breeze shifts, and the bounty hunter catches your scent. He stiffens and raises his visor towards you, noticing you peeking out from the door.

Fuck.

Then, movement out of the corner of your eye - a second figure emerges from the shadows.

There’s a scar down his face, but in the light, you immediately recognise him.

Cold fear runs down your spine. It’s the Alpha, the one who came to collect you. You should run.

A wicked growl erupts from his chest. He grins. “There she is.”

Paz glances back at him, and nods.

Part Eight < Series Masterlist > Part Ten

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suspensefulpen · 4 months

Text

Whumpcember Day 22: (Alt. 8) Tears + (Alt. 9) Begging

TW: Conditioned Whumpee, Mention of Blood, Comfort Item Taken Away, Restraints

@whumpcember

Inspired by @justbreakonme, happy birthday to her :D

Whumpee flinched when he heard the creaking of the staircase as Whumper descended down them. A wide smirk was on his face. This terrified Whumpee even more.

“Whumpee, you know what today is?”

“Today? Um…no.” He shook his head slowly. He tightly clutched the jacket that hung on his shoulders. It once belonged to Caretaker.

“How about a guess? No punishment.”

Whumpee slightly lit up at those words. He looked around for a moment. What could be so special about today? He looked Whumper up and down to see if it would supply him with a guess. He got nervous when he noted the large, red can at his side.

“Um… A holiday?”

“No. Close. We’ll celebrate it like one though.”

He thought for a moment. “Someone's birthday?”

“Aren’t you a smart cookie!” Whumper cooed. “Now guess who’s birthday it is.”

“…yours?”

“Ah, I wish it was.”

“Um… I don’t know.” Whumpee shrugged.

“It’s Caretaker’s birthday.” His heart sank as Whumper’s smirk widened. “Did you know that?”

“No…”

“Well now you do!” Whumper walked over and unchained Whumpee’s ankle.

“But… But you hate Caretaker.”

“Hate is a strong word.” He said before pulling Whumpee up to stand. “How about we go get some fresh air, yeah?”

“Uh, okay.” He followed Whumper upstairs and outside. Whumpee had to briefly shield his eyes from the brightness. It had been a long while since he’d been upstairs. He noticed the red can was still in Whumper’s hand and began to feel nervous. Was this a trick? Was this going to end badly for him?

“It’s a bit cold out here, don’t you think?” Whumper asked, pulling him from his thoughts.

Whumpee shivered as he nodded. “Yeah. A little.”

“I’m sure you want a jacket. A real one, anyway.”

“But I already have—”

“No you don’t.” Whumper snatched the jacket off Whumpee frame and held it up, inspecting it. He dug his hands through each of the pockets and found a note in one. It had Caretaker’s handwriting on it. He balled it up and stuffed it in his own pocket.

“Um, Whumper? Can I…please have my jacket back? It’s really cold out here.”

“Of course, of course. Wouldn’t want you getting sick, would we?” Whumper smiled as he slid off his own jacket and handed it to Whumpee. Whumpee reluctantly pulled his arms through the jacket. He grimaced as he picked up the smell of cigarettes and cologne. He didn’t like the smell. It didn’t smell safe like Caretaker’s jacket did. Granted, his did have some blood stains on it while Whumper’s was probably freshly washed, he still liked Caretaker’s better. He watched quietly as Whumper tossed the jacket on a huge pile of leaves. Panic instantly plagued his mind.

“Whumper… what are you doing?”

He smiled as he began unscrewing the cap on the red can. “We’re celebrating.” Once he got it off, he tossed it to Whumpee, catching him off guard. “Hold that.” He began pouring the contents of the can onto the leaves and jacket. The smell coming from the liquid caused Whumpee’s panic to heighten.

Whumper walked over, his smile turning into a crooked grin as he took the cap and screwed it back onto the can. “Now as much as I love hearing you scream, you should take a few steps back.” He pulled Whumpee away from the pile, giving him no room to protest. He reached in his pocket and took out a box of matches. He struck one and tossed it onto the jacket and flames instantly rose in front of them. Whumper stepped up to Whumpee, the grin still on his face. “All warm now Whumpee?” He laughed before reaching in the jacket pocket and pulling out a pack of cigarettes. He reached in a different pocket for a lighter.

“Whumper, please stop this. I don’t want to celebrate anymore.” Whumpee said as tears filled his eyes.

“Oh but Darling,” Whumper paused to light the cigarette. “we’ve just begun.” He smiled, pulling the cigarette from between his lips.

“I don’t want to anymore. I wanna go back inside.” Whumpee shook his head, his tears rolling down his cheeks.

“Aw, are you scared I’m gonna let the fire hurt you? Don’t worry, Love. I won’t.” Whumper pulled him into an embrace, stroking his hair as he began sobbing. That was the very last memory they had of Caretaker before his death. Now it was up in flames as a “celebration” of his birthday. “We didn’t need him in our way anyway. He was only an obstacle in our path.” Whumper spoke as if he was calming Whumpee down in any way. He only continued to sob as Whumper puffed clouds of smoke above his head.

“I think we ought to get a picture of this. For the memory.” He hummed. “What do you say?”

“No.” Whumpee shook his head. “No, please. I don’t want to—”

“Shall we visit Caretaker’s grave while we’re at it?”

“No! Please—”

“Did I just hear a no come out of your mouth, Whumpee?” Whumper held a hand up to his ear. “Are you protesting?”

“No sir. Please! I—”

“What’s the begging for Whumpee? I’m pretty sure I didn’t give you permission to beg for anything.”

“I… I don’t want to celebrate anymore. I wanna go back inside, sir.”

“Well that’s too bad. It’s not gonna happen. Now come on, let’s take a picture so we both remember this day. It would’ve been Caretaker’s twenty-seventh birthday. Such a shame he didn’t get to live to see thirty. All because of you.”

#whumpcember2023 #whumpcember #whump #whump writing #angst #conditioned whumpee #comfort item #chains #character death #mentioned character death #birthday #suspense #guilt #creative writing #writeblr #writer things #writers on tumblr #I rewrote this way too many times for my liking

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the-heart-of-a-monster · 4 months

Note

Once again, I’m typing this out just minutes after seeing the new pages. Because I saw this singular sliver of pink on Sonic’s chest behind the text bubble and now I’m going g full Game Theory Mode.

(Don’t know how messy this is gonna be so bear with me please)

ALSO HAPPY NEW YEAR HOPE 2024 IS GOING WELL FOR YOU SO FAR!!!!

So! It’s uh… It’s been a while since Sonic last slept. I think the last time we saw him get any proper rest was before him and Shadow left for Holoska. We don’t know exactly how much time had past for them when they were in the cavern, but we can safely assume it was more than just 2 or 3 hours. They were most likely there for nearly ten, given the villager’s reaction to them returning. And then they immediately had to go fight Omega, or at least Sonic did, and that was a whole battle full of adrenaline and anger fueled by the previous fight between Sonic and Shadow. So by this point, I’m not surprised to see Sonic knocked out cold.

What I am shocked to see however, is that little teeny-tiny sliver of pink that I mentioned on Sonic’s chest… What’s even more intriguing is the fact that Sonic’s entire face is obscured by either the panel borders, or the text bubbles. This obviously and unfortunately means that Dark Gaia’s influence on Sonic is getting stronger and stronger by the day, and the hedgehog’s recent fights have had a huge impact. This also means Sonic can’t hide from his friends anymore, and he’ll likely be avoidant towards them altogether if he can.

Obviously though, this will only make things worse for him and Shadow since Sonic’s negative emotions are what is making the influence stronger. In this sense, Sonic is making himself dangerous, he’s turning himself into a weapon. This is actually making me think: What if Omega being influenced by Dark Gaia was just a test? Just a warning by Dark Gaia that showed Sonic what would happen if he fell too deep, if he succumbed too much. Omega lost his autonomy to the God of Sadness himself, so why can’t Sonic…?

ALSO OMEGA ISN’T DEAD YET LET’S FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO YEEEEEAHHAHHAHAHHHHH THIS IS WORTH CELEBRATING I THINK 🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯

Oki ignoring that terrible yet seamless transition, let’s talk about Team Dark because they deserve some love right now in these trying times. (Istg you and 2 whole other people are keeping the Team Dark fans afloat) First up, Shadow because he’s been in more panels than I can count lmao

Shadow, as someone who can relate to Sonic to some extent, feels this giant weight whenever something bad happens to him. He feels all the pressure build up into one giant boulder that he’s struggling to carry, and if he doesn’t get help soon, that boulder will crush him. Of course, the Ultimate Lifeform doesn’t care about that, doesn’t care about anything but Sonic right now, because he’s going through something similar and it’s just too much for Shadow to see a reflection of himself in the very person he sought to destroy just a couple years prior-

But then the weight gets lifted. Just a little bit, just so much to make it only a little lighter. But it’s lifted regardless, and when Shadow turns he sees Rouge. The brains of the group. The one who brought Team Dark together in the first place. The one who only knew a fraction about Shadow’s past and yet stuck by his side anyway.

The only one who hasn’t been directly affected by Dark Gaia until now. (Except for Tails and Knuckles but we don’t care about them right now)

Sonic is not gonna be the same when he wakes up. He’s gonna look and feel completely different and he’s gonna be so confused and hurt and scared. But Shadow and Rouge and all his other friends are gonna be there for him when he needs them most, and that will be enough.

I wish I could say more on these pages because OMG THREE PAGES IN ONE UPDATE HUH EMERALD ARE YOU TRYING TO SPOIL US ARE YOU TRYING TO BUTTER UP TO US BECAUSE IT IS FRIGGIN WORKING. But with the new year comes a bunch of other thoughts that cloud your brain and there’s suddenly no more room for the really important things. Like anthropomorphic little animals that turn into bigger furries somehow and then harness the power of life itself to defeat villainy and then eat chili dogs for their every meal. Totally important, 100%.

Hope 2024 treats you well, and I personally cannot wAIT TO SEE SONIC IN HIS NEW GAIA FORM OMG OMG HE GONNA LOOK SO SPOOPY AND AWESOME AND HE’S GONNA BE SO INSECURE OOOOOOOOOOOOOO IM SO EXITED

YEEHAW wait until u see the other 3 new pages lol

#fan lore #long post #text heavy #fan theories #not really a theory but your analysis deserves to be showcased

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nymika-arts · 2 years

Text

i’d pick your thunder, i’d pick your rain

3.3k pining mess <3

read on ao3

There's something about the way Buck looks at love that always has him clawing at scraps of nothing, trying to mold himself to fit where someone might want him. For as long as he can remember, it’s been a game of making himself less. Smaller. All he’d ever wanted was to make people happy, and if that meant carving himself down into something more agreeable, then who was he really hurting? Everyone makes sacrifices in relationships, he was simply sacrificing… himself. Par for the course.

It hardly even occurred to him that all he was doing was making things worse for everyone until he was saying 'I love you' to Taylor Kelly when most nights he couldn't even recognize himself anymore. So he made a change.

Call it an epiphany, call it clarity-of-fucking-mind, but it was like he'd taken his own feelings seriously for the first time in—ever, maybe. He couldn't stand to be this miserable anymore, even if it meant just being alone.

But the thing is, the silence that comes with being alone leaves a lot of space for your mind to get loud. And his did, in all the ways he was expecting, and some ways he wasn't.

In between the lament of his doomed happiness and the thoughts of everlasting loneliness (expected), Buck ended up thinking a lot about Eddie, and about exactly how he felt when he was with him (unexpected).

Buck had known a lot of people, had loved—or at least some version of the word—a lot of people, and none of them had ever made him feel quite as safe, or important, or whole, as Eddie did.

Eddie never made Buck feel small. And it was as simple as that.

Buck had been so wrapped up in the search, looking for his forever-after in people who only loved him in parts, that he hadn't noticed Eddie quietly settling into all the spaces in his heart, and filling him with the golden happiness he'd always longed for.

So in those moments, in the silence of alone, he'd realized that he was in love with Eddie and that, actually, he'd been in love with Eddie for some time.

For so long he hadn't seen it for what it was, but he'd sat on his balcony with Maddie that day and explained exactly what he thought love should be, and it had occurred to him that maybe he'd been looking for something he'd already found. The thought left him breathless.

And right on its heels came the realization that none of it could ever really be his. Because Eddie came home from Texas looking lighter than he has for a long time, and he's talking to Frank, and he's smiling so easily, and—

And Buck has been living with dark clouds hanging over his head for as long as he can remember. He figures he's gotten used to it, the way they trail after him and threaten to break open and drown him with every blow he takes from the universe. The thunder feels as much a part of him as anything these days. But he doesn't want to drag Eddie into his storm, no matter how much he may long for company in the rain. Eddie deserves better than that, better than him.

Buck wants (and wants, and wants), but he can't. He just—can't. Because all he's ever done is ruin his relationships and drive people away, and he can't bear the thought of watching Eddie leave him behind. But even more, he can't bear the thought of him staying.

Buck doesn't really think Eddie would have him, anyway.

So he'd held that aching love he'd discovered close to his chest, felt its flickering warmth and the spark of hope that came with it, and then tucked it away. Another piece of himself to hide from the world.

And things had been fine. He'd been managing it. Until now, when he's sitting in Hen and Karen's backyard in the fading evening light, and Eddie's wearing a stunning deep blue suit and a smile that's doing funny things to Buck's insides, and he just looks happy.

Buck watches him, mesmerized, as Eddie laughs at something Chimney says. Watches the way it lights up his whole face, like everything that's been weighing him down for so long has finally started to ease off. Something about it tugs at Buck's heart so hard it almost hurts.

He starts to feel like he might do something astoundingly stupid, like walk over there and ask Eddie to spend the rest of his life with him, so he takes another long sip of wine and tries to look anywhere else. He sees Maddie making her way towards him with two slices of cake, but his eyes manage to wander back to Eddie by the time she arrives. Traitorous things.

"Stop staring, it's so obvious," Maddie says as she plunks herself down in the chair next to him. He scowls at her, but can't seem to muster up an actual protest; he knows it's true. She hands him a piece of cake.

"You're one to talk," Buck says, taking it from her and stabbing a fork into it. "Watching Chim with your big lovestruck doe eyes ever since you arrived."

"I'm not—" Maddie starts, and Buck just looks at her. "Okay, I am. It's kind of annoying how well you know me."

Buck laughs. "Yeah, well. Ditto."

They sit in silence for a few moments, just watching the party sprawled out in front of them.

Chimney is swaying with Jee-Yun off to the side, while Bobby and Athena keep easy time with the music on the dance floor, and Hen twirls Karen around before pulling her close. Then he finds himself looking at Eddie again, now doing a ridiculous little dance with Christopher and making him laugh. Buck can't help but smile.

"You could tell him, you know," Maddie says, as if it's that easy. As if he could really just go over there and ask, and the rest of his life could begin just like that.

"No, I can't. Too many worst-case scenarios," Buck replies. "Too many ways I could fuck it up."

"So you're just gonna mope about it."

"That's the plan."

"At least go dance with him or something, instead of just sitting here."

"I can't, I'm eating cake," he says, around a mouthful of cake.

Maddie just huffs and rolls her eyes fondly, then settles back in her chair and rests her head on his shoulder.

"We're pretty lucky, right?" she says, eyes trailing over their friends—their family. "To know all these incredible people. I never would have imagined a life like this for myself."

Buck smiles a bit, and doesn't tell her that there's still a part of him that half expects it all to disappear one day, and leave him in the dust. He'd never imagined this either, and yet here it all is right in front of him, everything he's always wanted. Some days he still can't quite believe it.

He looks around, until his eyes land on Eddie again, and this time Eddie's looking back at him. "Yeah, pretty lucky," Buck says.

Eddie waves, and Buck smiles, and he wonders how it ever took him this long to realize. He doesn't really know how to hold it all, this love and longing that he's gathered into his hands. It's too big to carry on his own, spilling through his fingers and reaching out towards the person it's all meant for.

He has the ridiculous thought for a moment that those tendrils of wanting are what tug Eddie towards him, when Eddie starts making his way over, but he shoves it down just as quickly as it surfaced.

"I lost my dance partner to the dessert table," Eddie says, and Buck glances over to where Chris has joined Harry and Denny in piling sweets precariously high on their plates. Eddie sticks his hand out. "Wanna fill in?"

Buck stares at it for a second.

"I've got… cake," he says lamely.

Eddie raises an eyebrow, saying 'are you serious?' without saying anything at all, and Maddie just pulls the cake from his hands.

"And now you don't. Bye," she says.

"I'll drag you out there if I have to," Eddie says, still holding his hand out, palm to the sky.

Buck relents, taking Eddie's hand and letting him haul him to his feet, knowing full well this could end in disaster but never quite able to refuse Eddie anything. Buck can handle this. He's going to dance with his best friend in front of everyone they know and he's not going to reveal that he's deeply, hopelessly in love with him. Easy.

It's not a particularly slow song, but the 'dance floor' isn't much more than a piece of plywood on the grass, and the crowd already occupying it pushes them close together. Buck stumbles—too much to drink, and too many feet to trip over—and, laughing, Eddie puts his arms out to steady him. It's infectious, so Buck laughs too, and lets himself lean into it for just a second. But even as he pulls back, Eddie keeps his hands on him.

It's a dangerous thing, but he can't bring himself to step away, even as it pushes him ever closer to a ledge he may never come back from, and writes the words 'I love you' on the tip of his tongue. He won't have this for real, but for right now, maybe he can pretend.

And he doesn't know what comes over him—some combination of all the wine he's had, and all the love they're celebrating, maybe; or maybe it's all the feelings he's been trying to hold inside himself for so long, and how desperately lonely he feels everywhere except right where he's standing—but suddenly the gravity between them is impossible to resist, and he finds himself leaning closer, until he's kissing Eddie right there on the dance floor.

In the moment, it's everything he's ever dreamed of.

In the moment, he can almost pretend that this is them, that this is real and this is his.

But then the song ends, and there's a beat of silence as Buck pulls back, and the weight of what he's just done settles heavily on his shoulders.

Eddie doesn't say anything at first, he just blinks at Buck, a thousand tiny expressions flashing across his face, and Buck's not able to pick out even one of them. It's a knife twisting in his gut that Eddie is unreadable to him.

And he can't be sure why—he can't be sure—but the ugliest voice in his head—the one that sounds just like him, but tears and tears and tears him down—tells him it's because he's just ruined the best thing he's ever had. That he's gone one step too far, and there's no taking it back now.

Then the music picks up again. All of this, in the span of seconds. Buck's heart made full and shattered again in the space between songs. And it's his own fault.

"I-I'm sorry, I'm—sorry," he says, stepping backwards, out of Eddie's arms and away from the one place his heart wants to call home. Buck doesn't even think anyone saw—all of them wrapped up in their own bubbles—but he suddenly feels exposed. Like that one action has stripped him bare and laid him out for the world to see. He can't stand it.

"Buck, wait—" Eddie starts, but Buck is already shouldering his way through the party, forcing a distance between them that only makes the ache in his chest grow. A distance that shouldn't be there, except that Buck is a coward, and he'd rather run than face whatever gentle rejection Eddie has in store for him.

Because what else could it be, right?

Eddie could never want him like that; and why would he?

Eddie is bright as starlight and Buck is... damaged. Messy in ways he doesn't even understand half the time. He'd split up with Taylor—he'd done that for himself, and felt some distant hope that he'd find someone new to be happy with—but it didn't erase all the ways he'd let that relationship fracture and crumble while he kept grasping at the pieces. It didn't erase all the ways he'd broken it himself.

So he runs, because he knows he can't ever have him, but part of him wants to live for just a little longer in the before. Before Eddie follows him, and Buck apologizes again, and they try to move forward like nothing happened. Before, while he can still distract himself with a sliver of misguided hope.

It's darker around the side of the house, the sun sinking low in the sky and the lights from the backyard not quite reaching where he's standing. It's quieter, too. Except for the pounding of his heart in his ears.

It had been a beautiful day, and it looks like it's going to be a beautiful evening—for everyone but Buck. Because his dark clouds are thundering now, building a storm from the mess he's made for himself.

With tears in his eyes, he looks out at the sunset and thinks, distantly, of a universe where he and Eddie would be watching it together, hand in hand and happy, in every way Buck wants to be. The picture doesn't last long.

"Buck?"

He takes a moment, savouring the thought of his impossible future before it disappears, and then he looks over. Eddie is standing just out of reach, face full of concern, and looking like he can't decide whether to step closer or leave the space hanging between them. Buck can't really blame him, not after the lines he's crossed.

He almost doesn't speak. He doesn't know what he could possibly say to reverse it all, but he doesn't want to let Eddie speak first either. Buck's heart is already brittle from all his misuse of it, and he doesn't think it could stand another blow without crumbling completely.

"I fucked up," he says.

"No," Eddie answers immediately. "No, Buck, you didn't."

Buck blows out a shaky breath and looks away again, unable to bear the weight of Eddie's eyes on him.

"Look, I'm sorry, I didn't mean—I shouldn't have done that," Buck says, his voice small. He'd make it smaller if he could, just to take up less space in the air. "I wish I hadn't."

Eddie's brow furrows a bit, and it's adorable, and Buck really wishes he could turn his own brain off. "Then why did you?" he asks.

"I…" Buck pauses. The question takes him by surprise, and he thinks about brushing it off, saying something that would lead them closer to the end of this conversation, quick and painless. But when he speaks, only the truth finds its way out. "I forgot myself for a second. I got lost in the moment, or something. I wasn’t really thinking, I just—you're my person, you know? You mean so much to me and I'd never really thought about it in that way before but I guess I just finally realized…" He shakes his head. "I don't know."

"You really mean that," Eddie says, more a statement than a question, and there's something strange about his expression. Something that would almost make Buck hopeful, if he didn't know any better.

He takes a breath. He feels like crying.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have."

"Why do you keep saying that?"

There's the first crack.

"Because I'm—too much. And I kissed you and you haven't even said anything about it, and I honestly can't decide if the nothing is worse than a reaction; and more than anything I'm terrified that you're gonna find a reason to go." His voice cracks on the last word, and he hates himself a little more for it. "And I can't watch you leave. I can't. And I was just going to hold it in, and live with it, but I've gone and…" he sighs and just gestures at the air. Ruined everything, like always.

"You think I'd leave you behind?"

"Everyone does, and I can't—I can't do that with you, Eddie. Not with you."

"Buck—" Eddie says, like it's hurting him. The cracks spiderweb.

"Can we just forget it? I'm so stupid and I didn't mean to—I don't want things to be weird, okay? You're my best friend and I know I screwed up but—”

"Buck, you're not stupid. And I don't..." he pauses and seems to steady himself. "I don't want to forget it."

"You—what?"

"Buck, you're braver than me. I've never managed to find the courage to do what you just did, but that doesn't mean I haven't wanted to. I really, really, wanted to. You just got there first."

"You wanted… to kiss me," Buck repeats slowly, savouring the words. Eddie wanted to kiss him.

Eddie laughs quietly, and his eyes crinkle in that way that says he's truly happy, and he nods. "Yeah," he says; such a simple word already mending those cracks in his heart with veins of gold.

Buck stares at him, and Eddie stares back, so undeniably, overwhelmingly tender, and loving. Buck can't hold it, he has to look away.

"Hey, come on. Talk to me," Eddie says, in a tone so gentle it almost breaks Buck's heart again.

"You deserve more than I can give you, Eddie, you know? I-I’m never gonna be a perfect partner, I’m never gonna be easy, I’m—I’m a goddamn mess—"

"I don't want more. I don’t want easy, or perfect. I don't want anything, Buck. Just you," Eddie says, stepping into his space and putting his hand gently on Buck’s shoulder. His thumb rests easily in the dip above Buck’s collarbone, somehow grounding him and making it that much harder to breathe all at once. "I don't care about you because of what you give to me or what you do for me, okay? I care about you—I love you—because you're you."

Buck searches his eyes for something that might give up the game, looking for the 'I love you, but', 'I love you, unless', 'I love you, until'—but he doesn't find it.

"You love me?" Buck says, barely above a whisper, like the words are some fragile thing that he's never been allowed to touch.

"Of course I do," Eddie says just as quietly, but with such reverence it makes Buck shiver.

Buck doesn't say anything, doesn't really know how—words don't seem strong enough to name the depth of what Eddie is to Buck. He loves him, undoubtedly, unconditionally, but it's bigger than that. It's a future that Buck never believed he could hope for, now within reach. It's safety, and family, that Buck had all but accepted was meant for anyone but him. It's light that shines across even the darkest corners of his mind. Those corners where he's never been anything but cold, and alone, now awash with the warmth that Eddie carries with him. It's love—so much love—but it's also life. Like Buck had been breathing underwater until Eddie had come along and led him to shore.

Buck raises his hand—slowly, carefully—and brushes at the loop of hair falling across Eddie's forehead with feather-light fingers, then traces his skin down to cup his face in his hand.

"Kiss me again," Eddie says, so Buck does.

And this time, it's a kiss that feels like the start of forever.

#911 fox #buddie #evan buckley #eddie diaz #911fic #buddie fic #911fanfic #tuserzee #useralie #laurenlook #userceecee #nymwrites #me + my overuse of italics are very happy together

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