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bluenotes75 · 10 months

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Trust pt.2

Miles Morales ! 42 x Fem ! Reader x Miles Morales ! 1610

wc : 5,9k Warnings : angst, possessiveness, all characters are around 19 years old, cheating, no proofread, what I could remember from my spanish class 3 years ago, eventual love triangle ?, dramaaaa. pt.1 - pt.2 - pt.3 (coming soon)

Sorry, it took so long, the chapter just kept getting longer. Anyways, hope you enjoy <3

You sighed as you closed the door of the store. It was already past midnight and you had just finished a long shift. Oddly, the store had been particularly active today and you couldn't catch any break. Now you sought one simple thing. To find the comfort of your bed.

You removed the key from the lock and frowned as a drop of water touched your skin. It was raining.

Wonderful.

You had no umbrella with you as you didn't anticipate the night to get rainy. Regretting your choice of clothes, you pressed your bag on top of your head to protect yourself from the rain. Your home was a bit far from the cornerstone you worked at and you knew you had to hurry up because the streets were not safe at night.

As you headed toward your apartment, your thought deviated toward him.

It had been one month. Four weeks since everything fell apart.

At least, to you.

Twenty-eight days since you broke up with Miles Morales. Six hundred and seventy-two hours since he betrayed you and you liked to think that you had moved on. It was the easiest way to go through your days.

And if your heart ached each time you found his clothes in your closet or if you woke up in the middle of the night to noises on your window thinking it was him, you denied it.

The pain that you felt that night was unmatched. It was still fresh, rooted deep in your memories. But with time, you discovered it was nothing next to the pain of leaving without Miles. He wasn't there physically, yet he occupied each ounce of your mind.

Contrary to what you could believe, Miles wasn't any better. You were on his mind, 24/7.

He regretted. He regretted considerably. He had made the worst mistake of his life and just like that, you slipped through his fingers.

You were his world. His universe. He missed your presence. He missed holding you in his arms, feeling the warmth of your skin, tickling the curve of your hip, caressing the softness of your skin with his lips and seeing the deepness of your loving gaze when you looked up at him. He missed everything about you and he refused to let you go.

And this became the hardest part for you. Miles had tried to get you back.

Countless time.

Because even if your mind was screaming no, your heart was still weak for the boy. And he knew it.

He hadn't stopped texting you in the weeks following your break up. He had asked for forgiveness so many times you couldn't even count it. When you blocked him on every social media, he directly came to your house. He would knock on your window at late hours like he always did.

You would leave him outside.

After some time, he finally decided to give you some space but you could still feel his presence from afar. You could feel his stare on your back sometimes as you came back from work. You knew he was still making sure you were safe. Sometimes, you find to notes from him on your window.

You didn't read them.

You had thought of taking him back. On your lowest nights, you had thought that maybe it was for the best. You felt nothing without him. Even if the relationship brought your more strain than anything else, it was at least something. It was toxic but addicting. It made you cry at night but it made you feel high on other days. The only thing stopping you from going back was that little doubt ticking in the back of your brain.

What if he did it again?

But if there was one thing you knew, is that you were faithful to yourself. You were too afraid to put yourself through that process again if he was to mess up again. He had already broken you once, had left you miserable and you had suffered too much to trust him again.

So with time, you learned to let go. You had finally gotten used to living without him. Each day you were forgetting him more and more and you felt like yourself once again. And while your heart was still tied to his in a way, you knew you could live peacefully now.

You were dragged out of your thoughts by a noise behind you, yet you didn't give it a second thought. However, when you heard again, this time followed by irregular steps against the wet concrete, you frowned.

You peeked behind your shoulder and noticed a man, both taller and broader, dressed in a black hoodie. You couldn't see his face.

Your heartbeat picked up.

You accelerated, hoping that you were worrying for nothing, but that hope was soon crushed when the steps also became faster. Before you could think of a way to get yourself out of this situation, a hand covered your mouth and you were dragged into an alley.

It was dark and you could barely see anything as you fought back against the broad body that manhandled you against the wall.

''What pretty girl like you doing outside at such an hour.''

He whispered, his breath reeking of booze. He pressed his body against yours and travelled his hands on your back. Your cheeks pressed hard against the rugged brick wall, you felt tears burn the brim of your eyes as you realized what was about to happen.

''N-no! Please don't''

''Shut up bitch, you want it. You wouldn't be walking alone at such hours if not,'' he laughed in your ears.

''Nah, I think her no was clear enough.''

You jerked at the new voice and soon, the hands holding you against the wall disappeared. You turned around panicked, gasping as the man who was once all over you, now laying on the ground, holding his bruised cheek. Another guy dressed in a red suit stood over him.

''I hate assholes like you-'' the newcomer shot a string of web to tie up the man against the wall ? ''who think they can do whatever they want.''

You rubbed your eyes to make sure you saw well. Web ?

''Don't touch women again, got it ?''

The man nodded quickly, eyes widened in fear before the guy in red sent another punch, knocking him out for good.

You stood there, back against the wall, frozen. You had never heard of a guy in red playing the hero in Brooklyn.

New-york was filled with villains. You just hoped to fall on the nicest one.

As if reading your thoughts, the guy in red walked toward you.

''Hey, are you fine? I'm sorry this happened !''

He stopped in his track when you flinched.

''Look, I don't want you any harm,'' he raised his arms in the air as proof. ''Can I...come closer ?''

You nodded slowly, still speechless, and he did so. From closer, he was towering over you and you had to raise your head to properly look at him.

Just like with your ex.

You frowned, feeling stupid for thinking of the guy in such a situation and finally spoke.

''Thank you."

You watched as he smiled through his mask.

''Of course,'' he raised his hand before stopping abruptly. ''Can I touch you ?''

You nodded and he held your chin, angling it to the side and checking your cheek.

''Good he didn't hurt you,'' he then took in your appearance. You were completely wet because of the rain and you had started shivering. He removed the coat he was wearing and wrapped it around your shoulders. ''Here.''

A million thoughts crossed your mind, yet you only cared about one.

The coat smelled like Miles.

You shook your head, feeling stupid again. Were you so obsessed that you imagined your ex everywhere now? You really needed some sleep.

But you didn't want to walk home alone.

''I'll bring you home,'' the boy announced before wrapping his arms around your hips. ''Hold onto me tight.''

You did as he said, confused about why but soon understood when he brought you both in the air.

''Oh god !''

You closed your eyes not daring to look down.

''I know,'' he laughed near your ear and you couldn't ignore the shivers that crossed your body at the familiarity of his voice.

In less than ten minutes, you were home after telling him the way.

''Thank you for this,'' you smiled shyly and handed him back his coat.

''Of course! ''

You looked at him and you just couldn't get rid of this picture of Miles.

''Who are you ?''

You were shocked at your own question, the word escaping your mouth before you could stop yourself.

''Oh, I'm Spiderman," the guy said and you could hear the proudness in his voice.

''No, like who are you really?'' You slid your hands down his shoulders and his arms. It was a posture you knew too well. You could recognize that body in a million. ''Miles ?''

''W-what''

You grabbed the end of his mask and to your surprise, he didn't stop you. You raised it until it revealed his face.

A gasp escaped you as you saw Miles but....he didn't have braids. You studied him carefully. Same lips, same nose, same cheekbones, you almost got fooled. But when you made eye contact with him, you saw it.

It wasn't your ex.

His eyes weren't the same. Your ex had this hardened stare. A gaze built by the wall he created around himself. People said eyes were the mirror of the soul but you couldn't read anything through them.

This guy in front however had....innocence painted all over his eyes. His stare was soft, warm and solacing.

''You aren't Miles, who are you ?''

The guy took a step forward, hope in his eyes. You stepped back.

''You know Miles Morales ?''

You shook your head freaked out by the situation and took another step back.

''Get out.''

The taller widened his eyes.

''No, no please listen to me first.''

Maybe it was his eyes, maybe it was because he looked like Miles, you didn't know. But you didn't have the heart to chase him away one more time.

''You have five minutes.''

"So you're telling me that you are a hero from another earth that is exactly like mine and you saved people you weren't supposed to so a hoard of spidermans is following you and you need to go back to your earth to save your dad."

Miles nodded eagerly.

"I know it sounds crazy but yeah…that's pretty much it.''

''Damn,'' you breathed, letting the information sink in. ''And you need me for..?''

''To find a way back home.''

The boy stared at you expectantly, waiting for your answer. You bit the inside of your cheek before shaking your head.

''Look, I don't think I can help you with that.''

His face dropped and he clasped your smaller hands in his calloused ones.

''Nonono, please! You are the only one I could find and you seem to already know Miles Morales from here. You know how I need to act to stay unnoticed.''

You thought about his words. It made sense, but you didn't want to get involved in all that mess.

"I really don't know."

"Please !"

You wondered for a few more seconds. How where you supposed to refuse when he was looking at you pleadingly?

''Alright.''

His facial features broke into a grin and he pulled on your arm, making you collide against his chest.

''Thank you !''

You could only widen your eyes as you felt his arms tighten around you. You hadn't expected this sudden affection. Dumbstruck, you failed to return the gesture until he froze and leaned back, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly.

''Sorry, I got too excited…'' he looked away, your stare becoming too intense for him.

You stayed silent for a few seconds before bursting out laughing. The Miles you knew was so cold so this new Miles with such a…bubbly personality was interesting.

You couldn't help but think it was sweet…and very cute.

''It's fine.''

He seemed satisfied with your reaction as he joined you before your laughers died down.

''Uh, I might have sum else to ask.''

You hummed.

''I kinda need a place to stay.''

Miles towered over you, holding bedsheets, while you hugged a pillow to your chest.

''So how are we going to do this ?''

You two made eye contact before glancing at the bed again. Suddenly, the boy dropped the fabric on the floor and rose his hand next to his chest.

''I'll sleep on the ground, it's fin-''

''no, you don-''

''Yes, I do. I'm the guy and the guest, so sleep on the bed and I'll-''

''Just lay down, I don't mind.''

You slid under the covers not waiting for his reaction and soon, you heard the mattress dip toward his side. He was careful to let some space between you.

You rose the fabric over both of your bodies and sighed. This was a long day and you were honey tired. You tried to get some sleep but you could feel starring eyes burning your skin.

''What is it ?'' you whispered with your eyes still closed.

You heard the rub of covers before Miles cleared his throat.

''Nothing, nothing.''

Then the mattress bent again and you assumed he turned the other way.

''Oh, by the way. My mom can't know you are here. So you know…be discreet.''

You didn't want to have to explain to her what Miles, your ex - even if it's not really him - was doing in your room at such an hour.

''Don,t worry, I'm discreet.''

The next afternoon, you found yourself in the library. It was far from your apartment and your school, which reduced the chance of running into an unrequired acquaintance.

''Look at this, doesn't it look interesting ?''

You extended a book about something called 'The Super-Collider'.

''That's basically a particle collider right ?'' You added as Miles grabbed the heavy textbook.

The taller boy nodded, peeking at the back cover.

''Yes, it uses electromagnetic fields to speed up charged particles. And-

''Eventually, pull or join different objects coming from different dimensions,'' you finished, scratching your chin as you wondered about something. You didn't notice Miles' amazed expression.

''You know what it is ?''

You looked at him as if he was crazy.

''Of course, didn't you watch The Flash ?''

His excitation vanished and you received silence as an answer.

''I'm joking, I'm just really interested in physics,'' you said pivoting back to the bookshelf and searching for another work that could be useful.

''Oh...I didn't know that. I wanna study in that field later.''

Your widened eyes shifted back to him.

''What, you literally hate phys-'' you stopped as remembered who you were with and you shook your head embarrassed. ''Nevermind.....It's nice to have someone who likes it like me.''

You couldn't help the thrill that invaded you. Your ex would always joke about your interests in physics and eventually, you stopped talking about it. So seeing this new Miles show interest brought a certain warm feeling to your stomach. You didn't know what it was, but the longer you were with the boy, the more interesting you found him. You had found a special chemistry with him and it's like you two had always been friends.

You liked that sensation.

''I was wondering, are particle accelerators the reason why you are here ?"

The taller twisted his mouth to the side.

''Uh...not really? It's part of the reason though. Some type of butterfly effect,'' he finished as you opened another book. You simply hummed not pushing too much on the object. It didn't look like he wanted to talk much about it.

''I think we have enough for now. Let's buy them !''

You gazed at the raindrops interrupting the peaceful reflection of your face on the blurry window. It was particularly cold today, gray clouds snatching the sunrays from the city while its people ran down the streets to cover themselves from the water. To you, the scenery was simply gloomy.

A usual rainy day in Brooklyn.

You jumped as the doorbell of the store rang, pulling you out of your train of thought. You relaxed after realizing it was only a client. You were only 3 in the shop. You being the cashier, the man who had just crossed the door and Miles hanging upside down next to you while playing a ball.

''What's up with you? You've been daydreaming since morning.''

It had been 3 weeks since this Miles arrived from Earth 1610 and you had nearly spent all of your time with him.

Well, it's not as if you had a choice since he lived in your apartment, but it didn't change the you two had gotten extremely close. You were hanging out every day. One time at the coffee shop and another time watching a movie while trying hairstyles on his hair. Just like yesterday.

You couldn't deny your attachment that had grown for him. Hell, just thinking about him made your heart flutter and you would find yourself stuck with a stupid grin on your lips.

At first, you kept comparing him with your ex. His accent, his gesture, what he liked and what he disliked. He didn't speak as much Spanish, he wasn't as mysterious and cold. But as time passed, you found yourself more and more drawn by this new Miles. He was more expressive, affectionate, supportive and careful with you. He knew how to make you laugh no matter the situation and you two shared multiple interests.

You weren't oblivious. You quickly understood that the boy was slowly stealing your heart. But that doesn't mean you were ready for it.

You were used to feeling love with pain. To push and pull kind of relationship. To toxic and aggressive feelings. To spend the night worrying about your lover and only to find him bleeding the next day. To cry alone at night then drown your sadness in your boyfriend's arms for a few minutes before you had to separate again to go to school.

But with Mile Morales, everything was different. It was sweet, warm and solacing. He was always next to you at night and he was careful with you in daylight. You felt protected and you weren't sleeping next to a criminal anymore.

This was so different, but you liked it.

''I just didn't get much sleep last night.''

The taller jumped back to his feet before getting closer to you. He looked at your face carefully, worry painted all over his own features.

''I shouldn't have kept you up all night, sorry.''

You looked up at him with a chuckle before flicking his forehead softly.

''No, it was funny. You looked really cute with those coloured rubber bands in those cornrows I did,'' you teased, facing him.

He frowned before a tiny pout took over his mouth. It was nearly imperceptible but it was there.

''I looked like a kid. How am I supposed to be big and scary with that in my hair.''

You burst out laughing, the memory from last night coming back to you. You had told him you would braid his hair since he wanted to try something new but he ended up removing them because 'they were too tight, and his scalp was too soft for all that'. You knew he just wanted to remove the rubber bands.

''I'm still mad at you for destrpying my beautiful work.''

He smirked getting closer, reducing the space between you two.

''Don't be upset tesoro, what will I do if you are mad at me ?''

Your heart skipped a beat at the nickname, like it had done for the past weeks, and you looked away, to hide your shy smile. However, before you could answer, you heard a gun cocking right in front of you.

You slowly looked up, to find a riffle pointed right to your face. Your heart dropped as you failed to understand whatever the client from earlier was screaming.

''Open the cash register and gimme the bills,'' when he noticed your lack of reaction, he brought the gun closer to your forehead. ''Hurry the fuck up !''

However, before the stranger could try anything else, the gun was knocked out of his hands and his arms were joined together by web.

Everything passed in a flash and Miles quickly neutralize him and called the police. And if he gave a few unnecessary punches to the man, as he was already tied up, you didn't mention it. It was Miles' way to get back at the man and make him regret pointing his gun at you.

Before you could even realize what happened, the boy was in front of you, holding you tight by the elbow, checking up on you for the second time in less than 10 minutes.

''How are you feeling,'' he whispered, his low voice vibrating in your ear.

''G-good.''

Your voice left you like a whisper, still shaken by the event.

You had encountered multiple... ominous situations in this city. But being held at gunpoint and knowing your life was in the hands of a stranger was different. You realized how lucky you were to have Miles at your side at this exact moment and your eyes watered.

The boy read right through the facade you were trying to keep up, as he noticed your shivering and wrapped his arms around your shoulders, dragging you against himself.

''Come here precious.''

You tightened your hands around the low of his back, losing yourself in the warmness and the comfort of his embrace. You felt safe and the panic was slowly soothed away from you.

''Feeling better ?''

You nodded, slowly, face still hidden nestled in the crook of his neck.

''How come there's so much crime in this city,'' he sighed, caressing the back of your neck to bring you more comfort.

''We don't have Spiderman here, you know,'' you muttered, finally finding the energy to spill some words.

Your words were muffled by his skin and you felt him shiver at the sensation of your lips against his neck.

''Right.''

You expected him to laugh at your words so you looked up at him, frown plastered on your face.

''Are you mad ?''

His expression softened when he noticed you scowl and he shook his head.

''No,'' he rested his chin on top of your head. ''I just don't like the idea of you living all these years without anyone to protect you.''

You ignored the butterflies that invaded your stomach as his sentence, your lips growing into a grin against the crook of his neck.

''I'm not a damsel in distress.''

Miles only hummed, not letting go of you.

''Yeah, if you say so, preciosa.''

Everything was going perfectly. You and Miles were slowly finding more clues on how to send him back to Earth 1610 and by then, old Miles was already far in your memory.

You couldn't but wonder how unusual that was. You weren't used to just living peacefully. There was always something going on.

And you weren't wrong to feel so suspicious.

You were walking down the street as it was getting darker outside.

Again.

You had to stay a few more hours at school to finish a group project and you hadn't realized how much time had passed. You cursed under your breath, remembering what happened the last time you found yourself walking for such an hour outside.

Not wanting to get in such a situation again, you accelerated until you arrived on the street where you live. You sighed, relieved, but before you could take your keys, a large hand caught your elbow, dragging you into the alley behind your apartment. You were pinned against the bricked wall and clenched your eyes shut, groaning at the impact.

What's with the people of this city and walls? Damn.

However, when you glanced at whoever seized you so brutally, your heart sank. You had completely forgotten about him and you had never expected him to come back.

''Miles.''

Your ex smirked staring up and down at your silhouette before licking his lips. A shiver travelled down your body at his action.

''Happy to see me mami ?''

You two made eye contact and you were hauled. His gaze was still as piercing as you remembered and it brought back unwanted memories. However, you suddenly blinked, waking up from your stupor and averted your eyes from the imposing male. Your expression turned sour and you tried to push him away, unsuccessfully.

''Leave me alone, Morales.''

He chuckled, taking a step forward to reduce the space between both of your bodies.

''So that's what we are doing now ?''

You kept your lips sealed and turned your head to the side as an answer. However, his fingers slid behind your neck, using his thumb to shift your head back to him.

''Look at me when I talk to you.''

''What do you want ?''

He rose his eyebrow at the dryness of your tone, still not used to such an attitude from you.

''I don't need a reason to see yah princesa.''

''I don't have time for this, move.''

Miles clenched his jaw, his eyes hardening at your words.

''Watch your tone.''

''Or what ?'' you raised your eyebrow at him with a bored expression. Two months ago, you would have never talked to him like that. But right now, you couldn't care less. You wanted to go home, take a shower and cuddle with your Miles. You were too tired for all that.

Your ex-boyfriend visibly took a deep breath and closed his eyes to calm himself down. You could see the frustration growing in him. But you didn't expect what he would say next.

''Who's that guy you've been hanging out with lately ?''

You froze at the question.

''What the- have you been following me ?''

''I asked you a question,'' Miles repeated louder this time.

''It's none of your business.''

''I'm being nice and you don't wanna try me. I don't like you talking to other guys and you know that.''

You scoffed at his nerve. Why was he acting like you were his or something?

''What part don't you understand in 'we're done' ?''

He took a deep breath and pinched his nose.

''Look, I fucked up mami. Lo sé and I hate myself for it. But I let you have some space for two months already, te necesito.''

''Miles, I don't love you anymore.''

He froze for a second but you could see him gulp slowly.

''I know you, stop playing hard to get.''

You rested your hand against your forehead tired of this situation already.

''Are you being serious ?'' he asked again in disbelief.

But instead of answering, you pushed him back and this time, he didn't resist.

''I'm leaving.''

''Where do you think you are going ?''

''Hopefully to my new boyfriend,'' you answered. Being honest was probably the only way to force him away from you.

''You don't want to do this,'' he said darkly. He clenched his jaw and rubbed his hand on his chin. You had never seen him so mad. ''I'm warning you.''

You shook your head with a sigh before ignoring him and entering your apartment. You knew he was saying empty words. Your ex would never dare to hurt you directly. He could cheat, and lie but never harm you intentionally.

That's what you thought at least.

Arriving in your room, you find your new Miles sitting at your desk, sketching something on a sheet.

''Preciosa, you are finally here.''

You nodded with a tired smile.

''You're not sleeping yet ?''

He shook his head, leaning back on the chair and spreading his leg to be more comfortable. ''Nah, was waiting for you."

You raised an eyebrow at his position before throwing a shoe at him that he easily caught with one hand.

''Stop the manspreading in my room.''

He laughed before telling you to come closer. You obeyed and your eyes fell on the drawing he was making.

It was you.

And it was you in a way you had never seen before. You looked...magnificent.

Your breath got stuck in your throat and couldn't help but wonder if that's how the boy saw you.

All the stress you got from meeting your ex evaporated from your body as you sat on Miles' thighs and one of his hands rested on yours.

''It's beautiful.''

He hummed. ''When the muse is already gorgeous, it makes everything easier.''

Your heart jumped at the compliment and you pressed your head against his, running your thumb down his cheek as he kept drawing.

''Careful, you'll make my fro flat,'' the boy muttered, still focused on his sketch.

''I'll brush it out for you later,'' you giggled, continuing your ministration on his face.

A few more seconds passed and only the soft sound of a pencil running on paper filled the silence surrounding you. All until the boy broke the ice.

''I've always wanted to ask but...what's your relationship with Miles from here ?''

You gulped at this sudden question. Did he saw...what happened outside?

''Why you wanna know that ?''

Noticing your defensive reaction, he shook his head softly.

''Hey, I'm not forcing you to tell me, I was just wondering since you know...he never tried to contact you since I arrived. I kind of assumed you two were close since you recognized me in my suit. ''

You relaxed at his explanation.

''Oh, uh we were friends, but we had an argument and haven't really talked since.''

You didn't want to think about the guy anymore and ruin this wonderful moment. You hoped your Miles wouldn't mind the white lie you had just spitted out.

Hopefully, the taller didn't seem to question you more and quickly changed the conversation.

It had been two weeks since your encounter with your ex and everything was going better than ever. Your mom had just left for a trip and the house was left to you and Miles. You woke up to the sound of the plate coming from the kitchen.

Loud sounds.

When you arrived in the living room, you found Miles throwing water in a pan which contained burning eggs. Your mouth dropped.

''What are you doing ?''

He jumped at the sound of your voice before placing his hand on his chest right over his heart.

''Shit, don't scare me like that.'' He then looked at the mess he had created and scratched the back of his neck. ''Uh...I was trying to make breakfast.''

You looked at him, still devoid of words before bursting out laughing.

''And you managed to burn eggs? How do you even burn eggs ?''

You shook your head taking the pan out of his and putting it in the sink.

''What I am going to do with your Miles.''

He pouted following closely behind you like a lost puppy.

''It's the meaning that matters ?''

You glared at him before seeing the opened bag of flour next to you. You smirked before grabbing some and throwing it in his face.

''Hey !''

He retaliated by taking the closest thing to him, which was a raw egg and throwing it on your shirt.

A gasp was heard.

''You did not just do that.''

''Oh, I did. ''

Soon, it turned into a food war, and your enjoyment could be heard by the mix of yells and laughers coming from the kitchen. Out of nowhere, Miles caught the back of your thighs and sat you on the table, before resting between your legs.

''Caught you.''

You laughed gaily, before getting closer to his face with a raised eyebrow.

''What do you want champion? A kiss as a price ?''

Yet, instead of joking back as you expected, the boy only gulped. That's when you noticed the small space separating both of your faces.

You liked your lips, anxious at his silence and his eyes followed your tongue before slowly travelling back to your nose and your eyelashes. He then closed his eye and shook his head to compose himself.

''The stuff you make me think, preciosa.''

Your mouth dried out at his words and you bit your lips.

''Like what ?''

''I can't say it.''

He averted his eyes from you once again but you stopped him before he could lean away.

''Then show me,'' you whispered.

He widened his eyes as his breath brushed against your lips. You saw as he tried to hold himself back but the intense burning in his eyes showed you that he wanted exactly what you wanted.

''Fuck it.''

He leaned down and crashed his lips onto yours and you automatically responded, sighing in delight.

Finally.

Your lips moved in synchronization and you felt euphoric. After a few seconds, he leaned away, his dark eyes travelling onto your face as if he wanted to capture to moment and carve it in his mind forever.

''You don't know how much I've wanted this."

''Me too,'' you whispered before your mouths found each other again.

You kissed and kissed. For how long, you didn't know. But all you knew is that it felt too good and it only felt like a few seconds before you separated again.

Miles licked his lips and let out a breath.

''That was -wow.''

''Yeah...'' you whispered trying to catch your breath, a bit dazzled by what had just happened.

''I made you this breathless already,'' he laughed before you punched him on the shoulder.

''Shut up !''

He laughed and wrapped his arms around your waist.

''I would love to kiss you more, but I think we need to clean this up first.''

You followed his eyes and noticed the mess you two had created.

''Yeah...''

He carried you back on the floor and you two got to work. Eventually, you realized you needed more cleaning products and you went to the store while he continued cleaning.

On the way, you kept touching your lower lip with a stupid smile stuck on your face. Miles made you feel all sorts of things and infatuation was the main one. You were already excited to get back home and continue the unfinished business.

The trip to get more cleaning products was fast and soon, you were back at your apartment.

But bliss goes away as fast as it comes, doesn't it ?

When you opened the door to your apartment to find that the living room was a mess.

But not the mess you had left in the kitchen.

A people having a physical fight kind of a mess. The armchair was knocked down, the table was broken and the pillows were ripped.

''Miles ?'' you yelled but received no answer.

Your heart raced as you rushed to look in the different rooms of your home, but there wasn't any living soul.

What the heck was happening?

When you arrived in your room, there was still no one.

But as you were going back to the kitchen, something caught your attention from the corner of your eye. It was a note on your window.

Exactly like the one your ex used to leave.

From afar, you could even recognize his writing. You snatched it and for the first time, you decided to read it.

Your heart sank at the words.

''I warned you.''

Don't hesitate to comment or reblog, I read everything <33

Tags : @vodoo-heart , @solanawrld , @evermorewest @usernamepasswordsstuff @spidersbbg @reds-mp3 @fisch-staebchen @ueexj @hey-girl-hey @thisaccountisrandomsstuff @flwrdia @dayedreamm @inluvwithneteyam @slut4shuri @sakura-onesan @acezeyez @x-starxi @mythhayden @imagineme2you @supremeshrimpy2 @glads-stuff @ptsmplekaramele @linlikesyouhihi @gispams @luxraine @ladylovegood-69 @copypastedaphne @mr-trick @nikotokitaswife @yuimkzz @ohdearmaggie @aspenreadsfanfic @isa-444 @optimisticprime3 @alliumiae @gnomelover1 @ilovemilesmoralesstuff @blueladys-world @erensbbg @xxxsecuritybreach @laylasbunbunny @lyra-ferreira @itsmadamehydra @blueberryhitosh1 @nana-luvsyu @kimchikim @teamowolverine @ladylovegood-69 @shoyofroyoyoyo @venusluvslove @sukisprettyface @planetliaa @ilovestilesstilinskimorethenyou @glqmmywhqmmy @locace @whoisgami @cherriqpans @mresedmunson Tell me if you wanna be kept or removed from the tag list ^^

#miles earth 42 #miles earth 42 x reader #miles molares #miles 42 #miles x reader #miles x you #miles x y/n #miles earth 42 x you #spiderman astv #astv fanfic #love #angst #prowler miles fanfic #prowler miles #miles morales prowler

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grimreaperschild · 11 months

Text

this is my first fic ever and it’s kinda short but any advice + if you wanna see more let me know

warnings: some wednesday level threat maybe ooc wednesday not sure but stalker/infactuated wednesday

not proof read bc im dyslexic and it hurts my brain but i hope you enjoy ❤️

Wednesday trudged into the quad at the start of the semester, she would never admit it but with the new year looming over her she’s slightly exited for what new things she can uncover, there’s chatter of a new student and she hasn’t given it a second thought, even though nevermores resident artist xavier had gifted her a phone she still refused to succumb to such trivial things as gossip, that was of course until she saw you, walking into the quad with slumped shoulders and a shy smile next to the new principle, her eyes lingered on you for far longer than she seemed acceptable cursing herself when you met her eyes confusion evident in your expression though behind it she could see some form of hope, pulling her eyes away from you she tuned into the conversation enid and yoko were having about you vaguely annoyed that her interest was peaked.

y/n pov:

the car ride with my dad to nevermore was silent, as was the goodbye the principle greats me kindly enough and i think maybe this was a mistake, this was supposed to be an adventure but i was proven wrong as we stepped into the quad, the amount of eyes on me making me slightly nervous, zoning out to avoid the lecture on the old space i feel the hair on the back of my neck stand on end

snapping my head up i meet the eyes of a girl dressed in black with pigtails, the curiosity of why she has a different uniform out ways the thoughts of how captivating she is, turning and cutting off mr harrow i jester with my head “who’s that, the goth girl” he tilts his head with obvious disdain “y/n it’s not a good idea to get involved with the wrong crowd, that’s wednesday addams and by the looks of it you’ve caught her attention, i feel my condolences are in offer, let’s continue the tour” i nod once taking in the new information stealing one last glance she seems occupied with her group of friends fighting down the disappointment that flashes through me i turn on my heel and follow along the rest of my tour black uniform painted in my mind.

moving in was easy enough and within a few hours my room is looking more mine, being tired i decide to nap knowing i have a long day tomorrow.

wednesdays pov:

i let my feet carry me, overcome with the strange need to know where the new student that i now know is called y/n is dorming, to my utter dismay her dorm is only a few doors down, this is all panning out to be too easy convincing herself that’s the only reason she has interest in you, it’s easy and something to do, heading back to her dorm to fill thing in and have him keep tabs on you came more naturally than expected.

over the next couple of days she manages to secure seats that have a clear view of you in classes, if you notice her impassive stare you don’t let on, she learns that you can control fire from thing, her own research brings up noting but happy pictures of you and your family from years ago on social media, she stands in the shower for half an hour contemplating why instagram doesn’t seem that bad anymore, research online is so much easier than trialing behind you, as fascinated as she is with you, your not that important not yet anyway.

y/n pov:

the past few weeks settling in have been good, i’ve made friends with enid and her boyfriend ajax, the group is a little quirky but it works all the same, joining them for lunch in the quad has become a regular occurrence, so has my seat next to wednesday i’ve embarrassingly tried a few times to engage in conversation with her only to be meet with a steely glance or a roll of her eyes.

enid let’s out a groan as her head hits the table “we’ve only been here for a few weeks and im already struggling with classes, how is that even possible” i let out a low chuckle “comon it’s not that bad plus im sure nes here can help you, right” as i turn to her she’s already glaring at me the use of nickname obviously peaking her intrest “call me that again and i’ll cut your tongue out” turning back to the book she was reading, i give enid a thumbs up “nes is definitely down to tutor you” the sudden movement of wednesday getting up and stomping away makes me jump slightly ignoring the way disappointment rolls off me in waves. “we are going to the lake you should come with” i already know she’s giving me the puppy eyes and i sigh as i look up and my suspicions are confirmed “let me go to my dorm and grab my swim stuff” enid squeals as she jumps clapping in excitement

wednesdays pov:

i watch as she stands in the mirror nose scrunched as she tries on another bikini, eventually picking a dark red set, my eyes scan over her body gulping it in, as she closes her dorm room behind her i turn back to the bathroom im in taking note of what different shampoo she has, finally giving into the mental struggle i turn on my heel determined to get atleast one more glimpse of the colour red

#jenna ortega x reader #wednesday addams x reader #wednesday addams

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demonichikikomori · 2 years

Text

Laughing Off the Heartache

Ruggie Bucchi x Fem!Reader

Word Count (Ao3): 2k+

Word Count Tumblr: 2k+

Hellololooo!! It's me!! ↜(╰ •ω<)╯ψ This is actually meant to be Chapter 0 to Moan with Me!! There is no smut, but it is a little angsty including Ruggie having a small breakdown. I did put in my rules that I don't write angst, but it's more that I do not take angst requests. I start crying thinking about hurting my favorite characters... I cannot take any more sadness... Ruggie... I love you dearly...

Ruggie sat beside you while you ate, his shoulder pressed against yours as he quietly picked at a roll of melon bread laid out on its plastic wrapper. You both had snuck off together from the rest of the class to sit out in the field under a tree. You laid out your blazer to sit on as Ruggie leaned over to rest his head on top of yours. You assumed he was quietly daydreaming since he hasn’t spoken a word, nor had he touched his sweet bread. Unbeknownst to you, his eyes would flicker over to study your expressions as you ate. Topics that Ruggie deemed ‘delicate’ floated through his head. He was silently sorting out his feelings towards you.

You were the object of his affections, and you were occupying too much space in his head as of late.

When he was awake, you were waiting outside of Savanaclaw to walk to school with him. You sat beside him in class with your knees touching, shoulders touching, arms touching, fingers touching. When he was eating you were there to share with him, and he did the same. What you gave him he savored the taste, even if he didn‘t like it as much as he said he would. You would break off pieces to feed to him, and he would do the same. He would walk you back to Ramshackle Dorm to Grim’s displeasure, saying that Ruggie might start getting sticky fingers the longer you stuck around, but you were quick to defend Ruggie.

He would never steal from you. No matter how desperate he was, you knew that he would never, and it’s true.

He would rather steal a bit more of your attention. That's all he would care to take.

You would invite him to stay for dinner when he didn't have to look after Leona, and after he would lay out on the floor beside you in the lobby while Grim went upstairs to sleep. Ruggie would talk for hours about virtually nothing with you. He cherished your laugh and the way you would doze off beside him…

But he loved hearing your voice. He could never get enough of it. If it was possible, he would ask you to say that you loved him before falling asleep.

He would be okay with just that. Even if you didn't mean it.

And when he would finally drift to sleep after a full day with you… You appeared in his dreams. Smiling gently at him as he approached you, lacing your hands together as you pulled him along to an unknown place. He dreamed of letting you meet his Grammy. He dreamed of sharing a bed with you. He dreamed of hugging your body against his. He dreamed of sharing a chaste kiss before class and entering together. He dreamed of more.

And Ruggie enjoyed every second of it.

He could never get over the pain in his chest as he woke up. Some mornings he had to wipe tears away from the cruelness that came with abandoning the dream.

Yep. You're taking up too much space in his brain.

He started to frown, listening to the distant bell of Night Raven College toll. Another class has begun. “You really don't mind skippin’ out with me? You don’t need your grades to tank just cause I’m not in it today.” He hummed warningly as you shook your head assuringly. “Don’t worry. I’m passing, I can skip a single day of classes.” You assured and looked up at him with a small smile. “You deserve a break anyways.” You scooted closer, tucking your head under his chin, laying against his shoulder. Ruggie felt his heart race as you closed the contact between the two of you while poking at your food. Your expression began to fade into discontent to the hyena’s displeasure. “You work way too much. You’ll end up working yourself to death or into a panic attack.” He listened to your words but was way more focused on the fact you eliminated the distance between you both. “Awww, lil’ ol’ Ruggie gotcha stressin’? Don’t sweat over it, I’ve been a busy body since the moment I could walk on two legs.” Although taking the break together was very pleasant. He felt like this was one of the familiar dreams he was having. “I’m just saying,” You looked up at him, locking your gaze with his bluish-gray eyes. “You need to find more time to relax. I’m sure the world won’t end anytime soon.” You hummed as your smile returned and you wrapped your arms around him in a tight hug. Ruggie felt his chest begin to swell as he let out a sigh of mock annoyance. “Alright, alright. I’ll be your skippin’ partner from now on. Leaving campus won’t be lonely with me on your arm.” He smiled and let out his signature snicker. Yet, even though you voiced your worry over his well being, the feeling was bittersweet. You were looking out for him as a friend. That was all.

He means nothing more to you than a schoolmate to help with notes, someone to eat lunch with. Why would he ever have a chance for more anyways? He’s so runty compared to most of his dormmates, dwarfed by the lion he looked after and the freshman wolf he had become acquainted with. He was a shadow compared to them, they were far more worthy of your attention: So why were you skipping off with Ruggie Bucchi instead? He didn’t understand the cruelty of reality. He had such a rough upbringing, far too ugly to mention at times.

As if you would want to listen to him be a bummer.

Ruggie’s body had gone stiff as he noticed your eyes droop shut. You had gotten drowsy from the warm air blanketing you both and the rhythmic sounds of Ruggie’s breathing and unusually heartbeat that only seemed to be gaining speed. Ruggie was spiraling now as your breathing slowed and you began to drift to sleep.

Was this a prank?

Are you really that cruel?

He had nightmarish daydreams of him offering his feelings to you, only to be rejected as you latched onto the arm of someone you believed to be much better than him. He attempted to ground himself by drumming his fingers against his knee, he couldn’t help these thoughts, no matter how hard he tried. Don’t leave me. Please love me. Look at me. I’m right here. Look at me. Love me. Hold me. The painful phrases bubbled up in his throat as his throat became dry, and a tear rolled down his cheek. Why? Why? He wanted to know if this was a dream. He wanted to know if you truly were here beside him. You truly were spending your precious time in Twisted Wonderland before getting shipped away to the world you came from to be with him. More tears streamed down his face, his lower lip began to wobble as he suddenly gasped for air. He hadn’t realized he was holding his breath. He startled you, causing your eyes to widen and you almost crawled on top of him to look him over. “Ruggie?! Are you okay?! What happened?!” You asked in alarm, grabbing him by the shoulders as you both locked eyes. Upon realizing you were watching the tears trailing down his face, \Ruggie quickly attempted to wipe them away. “Wait-” He croaked but the request was silenced as you rubbed your thumbs over his face to dry his tears. He was frozen from your gentle touch, he was sure you cast a spell on him. “See? This is what I mean! You need a break more often…” You muttered and brushed his bangs away from his eyes with your hand. He sniffled and eased his face into the warmth of your hands. Your touch was as gentle as he had dreamed, holding his face like this… He wants to ask for a kiss. He wants you to pet him. To tell him he isn’t just your friend. He means more to you.

But he cannot find the strength to ask.

Ruggie eventually calmed down as you wrapped your arms around him, giving his lanky body a tight squeeze. “Don’t scare me like that! I was seriously worried for a second! You’re really okay though? Don’t just say you are because you don’t want to dump stuff on me. Seriously Ruggie,” You scolded him gently and pinched his cheek. “You’re my friend.” You smiled up at him with an innocent gaze as Ruggie felt his heart sink. That’s exactly the issue. “Wanna go back to Ramshackle Dorm? No one is around to bother us there. I told Grim I felt sick and was going back anyway.” You laughed and took Ruggie by the hand, helping him to his feet as you bumped into him. He smelled of fresh grass and the melon-flavored bread he still had not touched. His hand clamped around yours in a comforting grip as you pulled him along back to the dorm.

+<3+

Ruggie curled up beside you on the floor of the lobby where he usually rested. You both had gotten comfortable in a pile of blankets as Ruggie scrolled mindlessly through his phone, picking at the melon bread he had gotten. You had already fallen asleep beside him as he looked at MagiCam posts, shitty ads, and occasional videos of someone getting hurt or doing something stupid as the sweetened bread melted on his tongue. As he settled on an ad for an ASMR Cleaning Bomb video, a notification appeared at the top of his screen.

‘Call from Grammy’.

The hyena dashed to his feet, careful to not disturb you as he rushed out of the room to answer the call without alerting you. “Grammy!” He cheered into the phone, keeping his voice lowered as he began to travel upstairs. “Ruggie! I’m so glad you answered! How are you? How’s school?” She asked in a soft tone as the hyena sat at the top of the steps, listening to it creak under his weight. “Hey, I always answer when you call!” He snickered and leaned into the phone, smiling at the comfort his grandmother’s voice brought him. “Oh y’know. It’s just school. Nothing too special-” Ruggie answered as he heard his grandma slip into a coughing fit. His eyebrows knit with concern as he pulled the phone away with a frown. “I’m sorry Ruggie, you know Grammy is gettin’ old. I haven’t been feelin’ too good lately. That’s why I needed to call and check on you.” He could hear her smile through the apology as he bit back the question: ‘Do you need me to come home.’ She would never allow it anyways.

“Ah… Are you gonna be okay by yourself?” He asked nervously and he heard her laugh on the other end. “I raised you by myself didn’t I?”

Ruggie began to relax as he heard her mention she was heading to the doctor to get it checked out. Just to make sure it wasn’t too serious. But in case it was… She wanted her grandson to be aware of the possibility. She ended the call with an I love you as sweet as the donuts she made for him on his birthday. The phone slipped through his weakened grasp, bouncing down the wooden steps as Ruggie let his hands fall to the side. He stared off towards the ceiling, feeling more tears roll down his face as his lips turned up into a smile.

“What the hell?” He laughed and moved to stand, walking down the stairs while biting back both sniffles and laughs. It was hard to decipher the feeling he felt burning through his chest. He couldn’t get the person he loved most to look his way, and now his grandmother was sick and possibly dying. As he scooped up his phone and laid back down beside you he allowed his eyes to drift shut. Reality was truly cruel to Ruggie Bucchi. And all he can do is laugh off the heartache.

But at least in his dreams, you were there to kiss his tears away.

This has officially become a series on my Ao3!! Because I need more Ruggie!! MORE.

#ruggie bucchi #twst wonderland #twst #ruggie x mc #ruggie x y/n #ruggie twst #ruggie twisted wonderland #ruggie bucchi x reader

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voltfruits · 1 year

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here, have some post-bad ending Kel+Aubrey headcanons because i've been having a lot of really normal thoughts about them. i really only like this ship after the bad ending but gah. they do be occupying some space in my brain

Hero, Kel, and Aubrey spend all their time together after Sunny dies. they support Basil and attend his trial where he gets committed to long-term psychiatric care. and they cry a lot. Aubrey isn't allowed in Kel and Hero's home because their parents really hate her, but they find places to meet, sometimes in the park, but more often in the graveyard or in Sunny's old treehouse

Hero vents a lot about how he wishes he was able to save Mari and Sunny, and Aubrey vents a lot about being poor and abused and feeling like her life is totally out of control. since so many of Kel's issues stem from his family and his own inferiority complex with regard to his brother, he doesn't feel comfortable talking to Hero about them, even though he trusts Hero so much. Aubrey picks up on this, so she drags Kel off to the old hangout spot and forces him to open up. and he does. and it becomes a habit

Kel falls in love very hard very fast. he is not used to this kind of intimacy and it absolutely sends him head over heels. Aubrey definitely isn't the most touchy-feely person in the world but she's still very honest and sincere and Kel feels like he can tell her anything. he's never been able to talk so freely with someone about his feelings and his fears, let alone receive advice and comfort and validation. but Aubrey gives that to him without asking for anything in return. also, it finally hits Kel how cool Aubrey is when she's not having a mental breakdown. he likes her pink hair and her nifty jacket and her casual badassery and the way she doesn't give a shit about the rules. she's so cool.

Aubrey's feelings develop a lot slower, because at first she doesn't trust Kel entirely. she's still upset with how he kept stoking her fury during the events of the game and she doesn't think he has the capacity to talk maturely about all the things they've been through. but still, she knows how important it is to stick with him and Hero. and when she starts to see how much Kel needs someone to talk to, she softens. the thing about Kel that bothered Aubrey the most was that he always seemed to move on too fast, that he always seemed inappropriately cheerful and optimistic when everyone else was going through it. so she's pleasantly surprised at this new version of him, who's more honest with himself and more willing to admit that he's hurting and talk about what's wrong. she sees that Kel has grown up into someone she can trust and rely on, but he still shows flashes of his goofiness and optimism that made her like him so much when they were kids. also... she realizes she likes his long hair and lean muscles more than she'd like to admit

Aubrey gets Kel to hang out with her other friends, too. Kel still talks to his sports friends occasionally but he feels like they don't really understand him, and most days he doesn't have the energy or commitment for sports anyway. he hits it off surprisingly well with the Hooligans; they tease him a lot, sure, but any friend of Aubrey's is a friend of theirs. Kel and Vance play a lot of one-on-one basketball while Kim and Aubrey heckle them

they also get a lot closer to Polly during this time. she's taken up the role of Basil's legal guardian and is going through hell trying to get her son through inpatient psychiatric care. but Kel and Hero and Aubrey are always welcome in her house, and she does whatever she can to take care of them, Aubrey especially.

Kel and Aubrey take care of Basil's plants while he's away. it's somehow both a heartwarming and heartbreaking experience for them.

by the time Hero leaves for college and the next school year starts (Kel and Aubrey's junior year of high school) it's become... sort of clear how they feel about each other. they can feel the energy in the air or whatever. but they don't talk about it. they both feel that their friendship is too valuable to risk a relationship.

Aubrey isn't too fond of full-on hugs at first (she's touch-averse due to being physically abused and that kind of thing doesn't go away immediately) but she's affectionate in other, subtler ways. she knows physicality is a huge comfort for Kel so she likes to rub his back or put her arm around him when they sit next to each other. all the while convincing herself that these are perfectly normal platonic interactions and she does not have feelings for this boy at all (lying)

One day when Kel and Aubrey are reminiscing about Sunny, Kel accidentally lets slip that he used to have a crush on Sunny, and admits to Aubrey that he's bi. he feels very awkward and is expecting Aubrey to be confused about it, but instead she just immediately goes "oh cool me too." and Kel is like "holy shit really???" and Aubrey is like "yeah dude why would you think i was straight???"

Aubrey 100% gives Kel a makeover. they go shopping and get him some jeans and cool sweaters and actual shirts that aren't sports jerseys. he develops a passion for flannels specifically. Kel is super excited that he gets to look almost as cool as his best friend :)

Basil is allowed to come home for good after about a year of on-and-off psych ward stays. but shortly thereafter he's found dead in his room following a drug overdose. he left a suicide note addressed to Hero, Kel, and Aubrey, which contains the truth behind Mari's death. the three of them are devastated. it's like every old wound they've ever healed has been ripped open again. they make a lot of visits to Basil's grave, and they do everything they can to help Polly.

Ultimately, Kel and Aubrey both break down. One night they're hanging out in Aubrey's room together after a particularly bad day, and everything just comes pouring out. they cry and hug each other and say some variant of "i have no idea what i would do without you" and then that turns into "i'm in love with you" and then they just kind of look at each other stupidly. and then they kiss

After they start dating, they banter more, like when they were kids. but it's low stakes. they both feel super comfortable together and they understand the other's emotions well enough to avoid making them actually upset

Kel helps Aubrey redye her hair and Aubrey is like "guess you don't think pink's a gross color now huh ;)"

They become gym buddies and Kel helps Aubrey get into lifting weights! they are buff together your honor

Kel does make the basketball team that winter, and Aubrey comes to all of his games. she also makes sure to give him a pep talk on the sidelines before every game. and she always says something stupid like "go get 'em tiger" and pats him on the cheek and it never fails to make him flustered. and some of Kel's teammates laugh at him (good-naturedly!) because he's obviously so whipped, but Kel doesn't care. he's just really, really happy

Kel's parents don't want him to go to prom with Aubrey, but he does it anyway. Hero 100% approves and helps Kel get a tuxedo (with an orange tie!), and Polly buys Aubrey a dress and heels. on prom night they go to Polly's to take photos, and Hero tearfully remarks how much Kel and Aubrey remind him of himself and Mari. and both Kel and Aubrey think that's the saddest and most beautiful thing they've ever heard.

#number one rule for kelbrey: it's gotta be emotionally intimate and explicitly bisexual #otherwise i don't want it #omori #omori headcanons #aubrey omori #kel omori #kelbrey #volt.txt

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storiesofsvu · 2 years

Text

A Redemption Earned Ch 22

Heather Dunbar x reader Warnings: it's the final plot twist besties. well. the beginning of it. and don't yell at me because it was definitely foreshadowed. And congrats to @ms-calhoun for figuring it out. round of applause and a cookie for you.

January seemed to absolutely fly by, it was at an end before you even realized it. February was well into swing already, school going steady and Heather had spent a good chunk of her time occupied with Becca and Sarah as they house hunted, making sure they weren’t getting screwed over or spending too much money (or too little). They found a place in Upper Chevy Chase that they both really liked and knew would have enough space for them, Heather deemed it more than acceptable. It was a nice four bedroom place, hardwood flooring throughout, a finished and completely separate basement they could rent out if they wanted. Lots of light, and enough space for them to have a guest room, a home office and whatever they wanted to do with the rest of it.

She ended up helping the girls a little bit more than she’d originally planned, but they’d asked for her thoughts on a couple of trickier situations that the lawyer side of her was more than able to walk them through. Not that either of them had any doubts about their relationship, but buying a house together was a big step, so she drafted up a couple pages of how things could be split up between them if something happened. Both about the house itself and everything inside of it. It honestly gave Heather a little peace of mind, she knew Sarah came from a good family, and obviously loved Becca and wasn’t trying to get anything out of it, but if they did break up, she wanted to make sure Becca’s wouldn’t end up taken advantage of.

Things were sorted relatively quickly after they put the offer in and as of today they officially took possession of the keys. Heather sent you a rather cute snap of the two of them on the stoop of the house with the keys in hand, Sarah kissing Becca’s cheek.

‘Little homeowners’ She captioned it and you smiled.

‘Looks like someone’s a very proud momma today.’

‘I’m taking them to Macon for dinner if you’d like to join?’

‘I’d love to. What time? My car’s still in the shop.’

‘Made the reservation for six, I can swing by and pick you up?’

‘From work?’

‘Yes, unless that’s too late for you?’

‘No, I’ve got grading to get done anyways.’

‘I’ll see you around 5:30?’

‘Perfect.’

A smile on your lips you closed your phone, turning back to your lunch before you got swept up in a conversation with a couple of your friends. The lunch hour was over relatively soon after that and you headed back to your classroom, wading your way through third grade science including a test, and rounding out your day with a little bit of creative time. You didn’t really care what the kids did, some drew, some painted, some wrote, as long as they followed the prompts you gave them and were using the creative side of their brain, that’s all that mattered.

When the bell rang you helped them pack up their bags, making sure lunch boxes were all packed up to be taken home so there was no rotting food left in the classroom. You fell in step with the other third grade class on your way out to the pick up zone, some going off to busses, others to their parents cars or car services. Once everyone had been accounted for, you retreated back to your classroom, tidying up a bit and wiping the board clean before sitting down at your desk to start marking the science tests.

You couldn’t help but find yourself distracted with your phone multiple times throughout the process. Considering this lesson plan had been on your brain for the past about two weeks you weren’t exactly keen on reading it over and over again right now. Social media helped you distract yourself, another teacher popping into your room to have a brief chat on their way out of work before you finally refocussed.

It wasn’t long after that there was a small knock on the door jam and you glanced up expecting another teacher visit but found Heather standing there. You couldn’t help but smile, thinking back to the very first day you’d met, in this exact same spot.

“I believe I’m here to pick up from detention?” She teased with a smirk and you let out an offended scoff.

“Rude.” You replied with a laugh as she chuckled, crossing the room and ducking to kiss you. “And you’re early!”

“Turns out there’s not a lot to do at a law firm when you have no open cases.” She let out a soft sigh, leaning against one of the smaller desks, “I’m more than willing to wait if you need a few minutes.”

“I’ll just finish this test up, mark the rest at home later.” You suggested and Heather nodded, leaving you to it as she slipped out of her coat, folding it over her arms to not overheat inside. She noticed the way your eyes followed her as she meandered through the room, her hips swaying in a perhaps too form fitting skirt.

“Eyes on your paper missy.” She teased and you tossed an eraser in her general direction that she laughed at, returning it to your desk with a smirk.

She crossed the room over to the wall you’d decorated and done up with the collages and mini bios made by the kids. Her lips curved into a smile as she looked at the drawings, the family portraits, especially compared to the actual class photos of the kids. She found herself chuckling at some of the bios, kids really did say the darndest things. She made a mental note to go through the other box she’d found in the basement, find out what other memories of her own kids she had stashed down there. Her mind drifted a bit and she thought that maybe there were even some crafts down there that might be able to spark an idea with you to bring into class you hadn’t thought of yet. She was about to say something to you about it when her eyes landed on a picture of a little blonde boy in a SpongeBob shirt, smiling brightly toward the camera and her heart nearly stopped.

She felt tears prick into her eyes, and then a sudden burst of anger as she reached out toward the picture. Why the fuck would you have taken a picture of Jordan from one of those boxes to put up in here, especially without discussing it with her first. Luckily she came to her senses before she let rage take control of the situation, realizing that the building the boy was standing in front of was built just last year. That it was a very modern photo, and the kid was not Jordan.

“That’s Cody!” You popped up beside her so quickly that she jumped, shaking herself out of her trance as you kissed at the side of her neck, “kid that transferred in after Christmas, isn’t he adorable?”

“Yeah…” she replied, barely able to tear her eyes away from the photo. She glanced toward the rest of his little square, a self drawn portrait of him and his mom in crayon under the title ‘my family’ scrawled in messy writing.

“You ready?” You asked, pecking her cheek before crossing back through the room to stash the unmarked papers in your bag, collecting the other things you needed as you slipped into your coat. Heather remained unmoved, still staring at the cork board, “Heat?” You asked softly and she finally whipped around,

“Yeah, sorry.” She shook out of it, moving through the room to pick up her coat, sliding it on, “uh…third grade, right?”

“Yup.”

“How…old are kids in third grade?”

“Seven to nine, depending.” Buttoning your coat you reached for her hand, linking it in yours as you lead her toward the door. Her head swiveled back to the wall of collages, a near wistful expression in her eyes as she stared at it for another moment as you flicked the light off.

“How well do you know the parents of your students?”

“Depends.” You shrugged, “some of them I only see on parent teacher day, others daily at pick up.”

“Have you met Cody’s?”

“Once?” Your face scrunched, “I can’t remember her name, cute little blonde thing, probably not much older than Becca if I had to guess?”

Heather’s breath caught in her throat and she wasn’t sure if it was what you’d said or the cold February air hitting her lungs as the two of you stepped outside. She felt her pulse pick up, her mind whirring faster than she could try to control it. Instead, she dropped the subject, clamming up about it, figuring it was better to keep it to herself.

The ride over to Macon was relatively silent. You could tell something was bothering Heather, but weren’t about to pry, she’d let you in when she was ready. You’d been sifting through all the old family videos and albums since the night she found them, making sure things were labelled correctly and putting things into the proper chronological order. You assumed it was something linking between that and the collage wall she’d been inspecting, perhaps just having another melancholy mom moment as you’d dubbed them, one where she realized she’d never met any of her kids teachers or something.

You squeezed at her hand, pressing a kiss to her cheek when you arrived at the restaurant, pulling her out of her daze and she followed you inside. You saw Becca and Sarah tucked away at a table in the corner by the window and made your way over to them, exchanging greets and congratulating them on the house. There was a little bit of small talk as everyone settled in, a bottle of champagne ordered on Heather’s request since you were celebrating, and appetizers soon made their way to the table to be shared.

You weren’t the only one that noticed the way Heather picked at her food, barely touching any of the starters, only having a few bites of salad before topping up her champagne. She was present in the conversation, but it was as if she was behind some kind of veil, not really there. The chicken on her plate only had a very small chunk cut out of it, basically untouched as she just ate a couple of carrots and sprouts instead. In an attempt to at least gain her full attention Becca decided to be brash, she knew how much Heather hated sharing food off the same plate, that if you were to want something, you ask and it would be placed on a side plate to share. Her arm darted across the table and scooped up a forkful of mashed potato, winching as a piece of it dropped onto the tablecloth, (that part unintentional) before it ended up in her mouth.

“Mmm… this is fucking delicious.” She groaned, distracted by the delectable taste.

“Hmm?” Heather glanced her way, her eyes moving from Becca to the dollop of potato on the table and then her plate, “oh…. yeah.”

“Mom are you okay?” Becca asked outright and the older woman glanced across at her.

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“You’re deflecting.” She challenged, “what’s going on?”

“Nothing.” She shrugged, fork coming to play with her food once again, rolling a sprout across her plate.

“Babe…” you started, your hand squeezing at her thigh softly, “she’s right… you’ve been strange since we left the school…”

“Not here…” her voice was clipped, her gaze directly in front of her before it darted over to you lightning fast as her voice lowered, “I’ll tell you once we’re home, I just can’t right now.”

“Okay…” your voice softened, squeezing at her leg once again and you decided to leave her alone, turning back to your food, asking Sarah about the house.

A moment later Heather gave your arm a little squeeze before she vanished from the table toward the restroom and Becca turned to you.

“What’s going on with her?”

“I’m not sure.” You sighed, glancing towards where she’d disappeared, “we’ve been going through a bunch of old photos and like, family videos recently. I know she’s been struggling with the realization of how much of your lives she missed out on, how much of an absent mother she was. She was really upset about the whole ballet thing with you.” Becca’s cheeks instantly flushed at the mention and Sarah turned to her with a curious look on her face,

“I didn’t know you danced.”

“I don’t.” She huffed, “Mom didn’t seem to care about it and I only wanted to do it because she used to dance.”

“You should look up an adult class.” Sarah suggested, “go together.”

“That’s a really good idea.” You commented and Becca glanced up to you.

“You think so?”

“I do.” You nodded, “I mean it might take some convincing on her part, but I wouldn’t be surprised if she said yes.”

“Really?” Becca’s nose scrunched and you let out a little laugh,

“Yeah. I mean, you don’t have to if you don’t want to, but I think she’s wanting to make up for lost time. She wants to try to be the mom she should have been back then but can’t quite figure out how to do that since you’re all grown up now and she’s sure a lot of her suggestions would be considered lame to you.”

“I…honestly… that would be amazing. Like, Dad and I still try to find time to fish, I’d like something to do with Mom that isn’t just dinner dates.”

“Then it doesn’t hurt to ask.” You smiled, taking another sip of your champagne before you returned to your dinner.

“And… you guys are okay, right?” Becca asked, glancing up at you and you laughed.

“We are okay, better than okay.” You smiled, “amazing. We’ve got everything out in the open as usual, I went to a couple of sessions with her, we love each other and that’s really all that matters at this point.”

Becca’s eyes widened every so quickly before she nearly beamed across at you, unaware that the two of you had taken that step in your relationship a couple of months back. You simply smiled warmly back at her, tucking into your dinner as the conversation began to flow across the table again. A few moments later Heather returned to the table, sliding into her seat and you turned to her,

“You okay? Migraine? Stomach ache? I can get you a ginger ale?” You offered her the out, knowing that she wanted to head home, and that Becca would understand.

“Mom, if you’re sick you don’t have to feel bad about ditching, just go. Let y/n take care of you.”

“I have lost my appetite.” She finally admitted with a soft sigh, “you’ll let me take care of the cheque though, right? You two did just buy a house.”

“Absolutely.” Becca and Sarah agreed with a small laugh as you flagged your server down, asking for to go boxes and the bill. Heather settled it as promised, swiftly calling the car as you packed up the food, Becca and Sarah making the decision to stick around at least until the champagne was finished.

You said your goodnights, congratulating the girls on their new adventure together as they said their well wishes that Heather feel better soon. The car ride home, much like the car ride to dinner was silent, your hand on Heather’s thigh, thumb rubbing reassuringly as you made your short way through the streets of D.C. You wordlessly made your way through your house, changing into pyjamas and wiping off make up from the day, washing faces and getting comfortable. It wasn’t late enough for bed yet, so you wandered back downstairs to crack a bottle of wine, wondering whether Heather would follow you or feign sick. You got your answer a few minutes later when she turned up in the doorway of your kitchen, a timid smile on her face,

“You have a spare glass of that?” She asked and you smiled.

“Always.”

You pulled down a second glass, filling it and passing it to her before you kissed her cheek and wandered into the living room, dropping onto the couch. She hesitated behind you, leant against the archway into the living room before she began to pace slowly.

“You wanna talk about it now or later?” You asked softly, taking a sip of wine.

“I can’t stop thinking about that kid.” She murmured.

“Cody?” You asked, your brow furrowing.

“Yes. He looks exactly like Jordan did at that age, it’s uncanny, a carbon copy.”

“Are you sure you’re not just spiraling because we’ve been going through the old videos?”

“I wish that was it.” Heather admitted with a shaky breath, “I didn’t want to get into it at dinner because I knew I wouldn’t be able to not cry.”

“Heat…”

“Jordan was always a momma’s boy…. he came to me for everything no matter how old he was or how much of a degenerate he was.” She took a hefty swig of wine, “about nine years ago he came to me… said a girl he’d slept with was pregnant and he needed to fix things.” She let out a heavy breath and you let her continue without interrupting, “from what I know it was a one night stand, they’d met that night. She’d told Jordan she wanted to get rid of it, and I didn’t exactly like the idea of him being a father, so I handed over a wad of cash and figured it was taken care of.”

“Did you ever talk to Jordan about it later?” You asked gently, “I mean, if she knew who you were… maybe she just wanted money.”

“It didn’t strike me as that.” She took another sip, “he said that he didn’t even remember her name until she called him. She’d had to get in touch through a mutual friend who’d been at the party that night.”

“Jesus.” You muttered over the rim of your glass.

“Yeah.” She finally collapsed onto the sofa beside you, “her name was Lily. They never spoke again. That’s all I know.” She risked a glance up at you, “no one else knows about this, but I swear to fucking god, that kid in your class is his.”

“Heather…” you squeezed at her hand, “I can’t say anything to either of them, it’s a major legal issue.”

“I know!” She scoffed, swatting in your direction, “I am a lawyer, remember?” You chuckled, “I just… I have my second chance with Becca, but I don’t get one with Jordan because he’s gone…. It’s like this is the world’s way of letting me prove I can do this.” Her hand linked with yours and she looked up at you, tears in her eyes, “can you at least tell me what her name is when you find out?”

“Of course.” You leant in to kiss her softly, “if you have a grandkid out there, you deserve to know.”

“Do you think I’m crazy?” She asked, her voice nearly cracking and you laughed softly, cupping her cheeks in your hands.

“No.” You pressed a kiss to the tip of her nose, “absolutely not. Cody does look a lot like Jordan did. And I’ve never heard him talk about his dad, he’s in the right age range… we’ll figure this out.”

“Thank you.” Heather replied, her eyes misty as she gazed across at you.

“I’d do anything for you.” You shrugged, “I love you.”

“I love you more than you could ever imagine.” She murmured back before kissing you and burying into your shoulder, eyes directed towards the television that you flicked on to distract the both of you the most it could right now.

_____________ @ms-calhoun @naturalxselection @yesterdaysgone @hbkpop @giftedchildturns40 @anya-casablanca @svulife-rl @swimmingstudentchaos8911 @alexusonfire @jamiethetrans @natasha-danvers @oliviaswifey @mysticfalls01 @cmmndrwidw @bumblebear30 @svushots @yourtaletotell @cerberus-spectre @emskisworld @ex-uallyactive @addictedtodinosaurs @imaginaryoperagloves @multifandomlesbianic @annegilletteslostwh0r3 @bookpillows @drduckthief @whimsicallymad @mmmmokdok @ladysc @momlifebehard @mmemalwa @holycrapraewth @poisonedcrownss @wannabe-fic-reader @when-wolves-howl @dead-of-niight @fighterkimburgess @lannister-slings-and-arrowss @borg-queer @godard-muse @itisdoctortoyousir @brooklynmhm @nobody-important1212 @emilyprentiss4life

#heather dunbar #heather dunbar x reader #house of cards #a redemption earned

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dreamlandcreations · 3 months

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Burnout recovery (?)

It took me a while to figure out why I was so down all the time. But I didn't take the "good news" that well tbh. Because:

"It takes an average time of three months to a year to recover from burnout. "

And I was like. NOPE. FUCK. THAT!

Well, the first few days after that were even worse because I kept pressuring myself to do something, anything other than lying in bed and staring at the ceiling. But even something as so no energy "task" as listening to music was making me... idk how else to say it other than itchy...

Anyway, eventually I just gave up, let it consume me and slept away like 2 days... AND GUESS WHAT? I felt a tiny bit better.

So I'd say the first step is just LET IT ALL FUCKING GO! Turn the nagging in your head off and stop caring about anything else than getting a good rest!

My work drove me insane for the last 3 years or so and tbh it took over my life far, far sooner than that. It wasn't healthy. Letting that go took like 2-3 weeks ( I had "help" from other tortured colleagues 🫶 talking helps!) and a lots of Youtube shorts about "this is business not personal". Yay to scrolling paralysis.

Yeah, and about that. I realised that with the burnout I really burned all the bridges that kept my autistic/adhd traits in check. I mean, I used to have a good balance, now I'm off the scale with both in the worst way.

I think the second step is just trying to stay in that kind of relaxed, "don't care" space while figuring out the reasons why I felt so terrible. Again, Youtube shorts about autism/adhd and work mentality really helped. It was like talking to someone without actually getting myself together enough to open up about this to a "real person" (it never would have happened, you know).

And this is the part from where this might not help anyone who doesn't have adhd (and autism?) but realising that I've become a shell of adhd behaviour was actually a big step. Especially with the adhd/autism traits comparison vids bc I just understood how I was functioning when I was doing all that stuff at once.

The next step(s) I took was trying to take care of myself. Eat, sleep, wash, clean up to feel better in my skin and in my environment. I made it a challenge (chasing dopamine seems to be the only way adhd brain can do stuff). Like I'll put on this song ( I wasn't really listening to it still) and do .... until it's done. It did not help at first. Just getting into a task without thought doesn't work for me. I needed to take a minute and visualise that I'm going to do this and this and this and I'll be done in 3 minutes. I prepared for the task mentally, I hyped myself up then I did it. And it worked. Then I got too much into it and overworked myself 😅

However cliché it sounds, the key is finding balance.

Now I can listen to music, I've read 14 books this year so far and reading 5 others now, and I'm planning my year and thinking about what I want to do in life.

I still have bad moments/days and that's okay. I am still not okay but I'm getting there.

I figured, I need to occupy (not overwhelm!!!) my senses to stop my mind from wandering (and torturing me) so now when I have to do something like dishes, I just put on an audiobook and try to let everything else go.

I still can't watch movies/shows. Which sucks bc I feel like I need visual stimulation too sometimes so idk what's up with that but it's a no for now.

Writing is still a NO! (that's a screaming no in my head). But I started to write down ideas again (something I didn't really do for months)

What I know would improve my health and most likely my mental state is regular exercise, but I'm not there yet. I still regularly skip/forget to eat more than once a day so that's a priority.

It's also difficult to leave the house tbh. The outside world is overwhelming and I don't go out if I don't have to (which is like once a week now).

What I do know is that if you want to do something DO NOT SIT DOWN! You'll never get it done. There's no "in a minute" or tomorrow. If you want it done, do it now.

I'm working on building a structure/routine in my daily schedule that gives me a guide so I wouldn't waste my days but doesn't limit or outright strangle me with too many limitations by being to crowded.

#ramblings #burnout #depressed #I'm feeling better #yay #?#adhd #autistic things #personal #you need at least a week off that's for sure #like totally off

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fishandships · 1 year

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ACTUALLY I FINISHED TWO THINGS. for this one i wanted to try a sort of...different approach in style, and this was the result. i’m...very self-conscious of it, and i ended up writing in a sort of detached state from my self-insert, pretending they’re a canon character and trying really hard not to be bashful in order to better focus on the actual canon characters’ personalities and make them more authentic. i feel like it was pretty much a success despite being largely experimental! ...and extremely self-indulgent //>~>//

Universe: Genshin Impact Summary: Kaeya is a brilliant strategist, but a new, unexpected factor is making him rethink things. Word Count: 1873

It had never bothered him before. After all, Lisa flirted with everyone. It was in her nature and perfectly innocent. Yet Kaeya felt his stomach turn as he listened to Lisa’s interactions with Rhein from across the library where he was pretending to read. He’d been stuck on the same page for almost half an hour, unable to concentrate, glancing up constantly to watch the two witches at work. Lisa was helping Rhein perfect their potion-making skills, and was clearly pleased with their progress thus far. While she never touched them or even so much as entered their personal space, her saccharine compliments and praises were enough to have Rhein completely flustered and struggling to focus. “It’s looking great so far, sweetie,” she crooned as she glanced into the massive cauldron they were stirring. “Those strong arms of yours aren’t getting tired yet, are they?”

“N-no,” they stammered.

Out of the corner of his eye, Kaeya saw them redden up to the tips of their ears before they ducked their head to hide their face under the brim of their hat, and his heart squeezed for the umpteenth time that morning. When he made himself look back at his book, the words wouldn’t register in his brain, his mind occupied by the idea of him being the one to make them so bashful. Given how shy they were, it would be all too easy; hardly what he would normally consider an entertaining challenge. But it was tempting, the idea of catching them against a wall, bracing his hand near their head and smirking at them until they blushed and tried to look away, tucking his finger under their chin and lifting their face to make them meet his gaze so he could admire their wide eyes and watch them bite their lip under his scrutiny.

But he wouldn’t. He couldn’t bring himself to it. Rhein was too sincere, too open, someone who should be protected and cherished by someone equally honest and kind. They didn’t deserve to be toyed with, however endearing their expression would be.

Yet the more often he caught them glancing his way, the harder it became to deny the bittersweet pain of his heart straining in the confines of his chest. He was used to being looked at. His choice of eye-catching clothing was, of course, deliberate. If people were going to stare at him - and they would anyway, he knew from experience - he wanted to control why they did. So he had grown accustomed to gawking and gazing and glaring, being regarded with every emotion from anger and contempt to admiration and attraction. But there was something different about Rhein’s gaze. Like others, they were awed. Aside from that, though, there was a tenderness in their eyes he couldn’t quite define. The way they looked at him gave him a feeling like stepping into cool water on a hot day, a soothing sensation that enveloped him entirely. Their longing was evident; they wore their heart on their sleeve. In this way they were his opposite.

It kept him up at night, thinking of what he could have with them if he chose to claim it. He could have their sweet smiles and gentle touches and kind words. He could hold them close for warmth and company through the night. He could be cared for and adored. He didn’t doubt he could be loved by them if he allowed it. But for how long?

In return, of course he could protect them. There were few more capable of doing so. They would never want for anything, never worry about their needs being met. But he would be a stranger to them. He was certain they would give him all the love and trust they had in them without reservation, while he would withhold himself from them out of fear. He was a coward in this and this alone. He knew he could never bring himself to be fully open with them; he would always be terrified that if he was, they wouldn’t want him anymore.

There were nights when Kaeya could convince himself that having Rhein as his own for as long as he could keep them would be better than never having them at all. But then morning would come and he’d see them in the mess hall at breakfast and their warm smile made him feel sick, as if he'd already betrayed them.

So this was where he found himself, watching from afar because staying away altogether was even worse. Leaning against a bookshelf pretending to care about the tome in his hand and ignoring the pangs in his chest as the life he longed for stood over their cauldron, unaware of the war they’d ignited inside him.

“Just about ready,” Rhein said.

Lisa leaned in to inspect their work. “Perfect. Let’s start bottling it up. When we’re done, hopefully our Cavalry Captain will be kind enough to distribute it to the troops for us.”

She nodded in Kaeya’s direction with an expectant look. He snapped his book shut and placed it on a nearby shelving cart before offering the witches an elegant bow. “That is why you called me here, isn’t it? No doubt our soldiers will appreciate the extra protection against those troublesome Slimes. Doing the heavy lifting for you is the very least I can do to repay your noble efforts.”

“You’re too kind, Ser Kaeya,” Rhein mumbled from under the brim of their hat. “It’s our job.”

Before he could reply, Lisa addressed them. “Would you be a sweetie and go fetch that case of empty bottles? Hurry before it aerates too much.”

“Yes, Miss,” they replied, and seemed grateful to have an excuse to bolt away.

The second the door closed behind them, Lisa turned to Kaeya, folding her arms across her chest and fixing him with a look of mock disapproval, eyes twinkling knowingly. “You should know better, Captain, than to hang around trifling with them while they’re in the middle of a lesson.”

He shrugged with an affected air of carelessness. “I can hardly accept the blame for your student’s lack of attentiveness.”

“Shame on you.” Lisa was still smiling sweetly, but her tone grew more serious. “You’re driving them and yourself to distraction. You ought to hurry and snatch them up before someone else does. Half the garrison has eyes on them, you know.”

Kaeya’s own smile sharpened but did not fade. He was painfully aware of how many other knights were also stealing longing glances at Rhein. It didn’t take someone as attentive as him to notice that. Not that he could blame his compatriots; anyone who had been treated by the gentle healer was bound to be left with an impression. “Is that so? I hadn’t noticed. At any rate, there’s no need to worry about me. Worry about making sure your student is actually listening to you. We wouldn’t want any more explosions in the garrison than the ones our little Spark Knight already causes.”

The second jab at her teaching capability caused Lisa’s smile to vanish. She sighed. “I do worry about you. I want you to be happy. Why are you denying yourself that chance? What do you have to lose?”

Everything, Kaeya thought bitterly, his lips tightening into a thin line. It was his turn to cross his arms, and he shifted his stance slightly as he considered his response. For all his preparedness, he hadn’t anticipated a confrontation like this. Lisa was a meddler, that much he knew, but it was unlike her to press the matter when he so clearly wanted to brush it off.

“At the very least,” Lisa said quietly, “they deserve to know how you feel about them. The poor thing has been pining away for weeks now.”

The squeak of the door hinge caused them both to turn as Rhein re-entered the library. They were carrying a large wooden crate, and the way their face was rapidly turning red again was more than enough indication that they had overheard something. “I-...I beg your pardon,” they stuttered, “I didn’t – I mean, I hope I’m not interrupting.”

“Not at all, sweetie,” Lisa assured them, her sugary smile returning.

Rhein set the crate beside the cauldron. Their gaze remained firmly fixed on the floorboards as though they hoped to somehow melt between the wooden slats. It was then Lisa delivered her coup de grâce. Making eye contact with Kaeya, she added, “Captain Kaeya had something he wanted to tell you.”

Kaeya’s pulse roared in his ears as he struggled to keep his cool despite his building fury towards Lisa. How dare she put him on the spot like that when he was already fighting a battle he could not afford to lose? Then he looked at Rhein, and the hopeful glance they gave him dissolved his reservations like vapor in a gentle breeze. It was hard enough to resist in the solitude of his private quarters. Gazing into those soft eyes, it was altogether impossible.

He could protect them, he decided; even from his own secrets.

A change came over the Cavalry Captain’s demeanor then. He took a deep breath, let it out slowly, then smiled - not a smirk, or an expression with any particular motive behind it, but a rare genuine smile. “I was wondering,” he said, “whether you could be persuaded to join me for a drink this evening.”

Their eyes widened in shock, as though they couldn’t believe what they were hearing. “Really? I mean, I-...yes, yes, I definitely could be persuaded. Um…is there something in particular you need to discuss with me?”

Kaeya’s smile only grew as he shook his head. “If there was, I could just bring it up now. I’m not asking for business, I’m asking for the pleasure of your company. Unless, of course, you would prefer to be courted more formally.”

Rhein’s hand flew up to cover their mouth, their eyes growing impossibly rounder as crimson once again painted their face. “No, I mean, that’s not necessary! I mean, I would love to spend some time with you, um, in a formal setting or otherwise, whichever you prefer!”

Giddiness was a feeling Kaeya hadn’t experienced since he was a young boy, but now he felt his heart fluttering madly as he concentrated on keeping himself from grinning. He allowed himself one small, fond chuckle. “I’ll meet you at Angel’s Share after you’re dismissed, then. I look forward to it.”

“Me, too.” Rhein’s smile was so broad that it was peeking from behind their hands like sunbeams slipping between clouds. “Um, thank you.”

“I hate to interrupt,” Lisa cut in, “but we still have to get this potion in bottles before it starts to dissipate.”

“Oh! Right! Sorry!” Rhein replied.

Kaeya stepped back as the two witches began bustling around their cauldron again. Inwardly he was reeling from the risk he was taking even as his heart soared. He didn’t know whether he was still furious with Lisa or if he owed her one of the greatest debts of his life. But then Rhein glanced up at him again. They were glowing, their smile radiant. Any doubt was banished from his mind as he smiled back.

He didn’t know how long this could last. But every moment that it did was going to be worth it.

#otp: a song of ice and fire #rhein #❄️#my writing

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sharloola · 8 months

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my eggs keep going bad

And I like to say it’s because I live alone now and food goes off a lot quicker when my brothers aren’t in the same house but I only buy the small carton and four eggs isn’t a lot at all so actually the reason my eggs go bad is because I don’t use them. I keep buying eggs and they keep going bad because most days I can only muster the energy to only make ramen because ramen is better than nothing and if I add two eggs that’s almost a real meal so I say “Okay. You’ll just eat this today. And tomorrow it will be something better because you will love yourself by then and go grocery shopping.” But then tomorrow comes and it’s two weeks later and the eggs are bad again so I throw them in the bin and I think that there might be something wrong with me.

I tend to twist my words when I don’t want to be me which happens a lot because I’ve managed to forget how my body feels and if I have to be me I don’t think my bones will remember how not to break so sometimes words like “is” pretend they are words like “might be” because if you stretch out the truth people get distracted in the gaps and don’t realise your mouth is missing. I think there has always been something wrong with me and the problem with knowing there’s something wrong with you and doing nothing else but thinking about it is that you always know there’s something wrong with you and you know exactly what caused it and how you got here and why you keep buying eggs but you don’t know why you can’t cry these days or if you always hated being here.

I should like being here because my friends hold me and every sunset looks like love has fallen out of the sky and there are a million things I could do but sometimes I think so much about not being here even when sunset blazes and my friends are holding me. I feel so guilty that their arms are wrapped around a dead thing but they keep asking me if I’m okay the same way I keep buying eggs and I keep saying I’ll be fine and I don’t think any of us believe it but I’m not sure if people like us have any other options so I laugh for good measure and feel bad that I can’t say how I’m really feeling as I read articles about how it’s good to say how you’re really feeling which I know is true because I read a lot about brains like mine and I think I am a smart person but then again I don’t know if a smart person would waste as many eggs as I do and I think I’m going to break my mothers heart.

Only because if she ever finds out how many eggs I have thrown away she will probably realise that I was never any good with money and if she realises that her entire version of me might unravel until only a shadow remains and my dad will look over her shoulder and be so humiliated by the whole ordeal that he won’t even acknowledge it. My mum likes to tell the story of how I was born premature against all the odds and how my tiny barely developed hands ripped off the oxygen mask which signalled to the doctor that I was stronger than anyone thought but if she finds out about the eggs she might realise that I didn’t need that mask because I have never needed to breathe. I have never breathed because I have always been so terrified to make the wrong move that even a breath seemed too risky but everyone called that sensible and said I must be smart because they had never seen a child read so many books but no one ever asked me why I read so much and maybe if they had all those words in my head could have explained that I was suffocating and only books seemed to listen to me but I don’t read much these days anyway.

I try to when I’m on the train which is fine until I remember people can see me then I forget how to read and start thinking about how all my particles are occupying space and how the eggs in my bag might be cracked and spilling over my laptop right now and god. I know it’s ridiculous to think about eggs this much but they break so easily sometimes I mistake them for the skin of my fourteen year old self and I save recipes every so often with very few steps and cold ingredients because I know what I’m like and that I’d probably be less tired if I ate like everyone else did. I add the ingredients to my shopping list and imagine myself going to the kitchen but then the thoughts catch up and I’m glued to my bed again and wondering how a shadow can be so heavy. I try to teach myself how to breathe but by the time I’ve realised that’s futile it’s time to leave the house again and check if I paid the water bill and balance my limbs enough to pass as human and maybe I can be better this time if I just talk less and feel more maybe I just need to buy more eggs.

s.o.

#going batshit crazy over eggs #prose #prose poetry #spoken word #eggs #tw depressing thoughts #sharloola

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congradulations · 10 months

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social anxiety, at work

Social anxiety in the workplace. Zoinks. It’s so much weirder than regular social anxiety. It’s social anxiety with stakes.

I have social anxiety. It was the first mental issue I was diagnosed with. The first of many! I was diagnosed with social anxiety before I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety, which was before I was diagnosed with ADHD - which, to me, is more obvious in my personality than both of the anxieties. But maybe that’s because I tend to avoid people because I find talking to most of them annoying and pointless and stressful. Anyway.

Social anxiety in the workplace is not manifesting for me in the ways that other experiences of social anxiety have. In other phases of my life, I’ve been too scared to talk to people, nervous about what to say, nervous to go to events or places alone.

It’s different now. Maybe that’s because I’m comparing my middle school experiences of social anxiety to 24-year-old experiences of social anxiety.

Where I stand today, I have been a loner for about four years. It’s been great. There are major perks to being a social recluse. Like I don’t have to make dumb conversation or waste energy talking to people I don’t want to talk to. I have become far more in touch with myself. I have cared less about what people think about me (maybe…). I eat at restaurants alone all the time.

I still get anxious about one-on-one conversations I might have to have with people, but that doesn’t happen too often in the workplace. And in the workplace, I’m not really nervous about speaking up. Actually, it excites me. Once I decided to make the effort to talk to my coworkers in April after my boyfriend and I broke up, I never looked back. Participating in group conversations with people on my research team is fun. Several of them have told me I should be a comedian. I just say whatever I want without thinking about it too much.

Of course, I do brag occasionally. And I want people to know about me. Other than that, I don’t really have an agenda. Besides making people like me. But with this group of people, I don’t have to try that hard for people to like me. As it turns out, I have a good personality. Who knew? (Genuinely, not me; I’m very insecure about that).

The social anxiety I experience at work, mostly, does not actually happen AT work. It’s after. It’s every moment (nearly) that I’m not at work. I think about every social interaction to a heinous degree. Overthinking does not adequately describe what I do. My work interactions - from amazing to good to meh to bad - take up so much of my brain space. I just replay events, over and over and over, assessing how they went - as if thinking about them could actually accomplish anything.

With people at my grad program, I did not do this. Possibly because I did not care what they thought of me because it did not matter as I was not trying to make friends (I was also not NOT trying to make friends; I just didn’t feel like putting in effort). Possibly because I was so miserable for most of it that my brain was occupied with things that did not include impressing people. I don’t know. But now, at work, I definitely care about impressing people. Because I need to. If I want to last at the company. Since it’s such a small environment.

But another potential reason I care about how I am at work feels unnatural to admit: I feel comfortable with my coworkers now (to a degree), and I enjoy them, and it would hurt my feelings if they did not enjoy me back.

With my particular personality, I have never totally felt like part of a group. I have felt like something of an outsider my whole life. Not in a geek pushed into a locker way. But in a ‘I am too many things, most of them strange, to be accepted by one group’ way. But these people somehow don’t make me feel like a total outsider. And I’m scared that that won’t be true one day.

#young adult #grad school #jobs #social anxiety

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atiny-piratequeen · 1 year

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Sorry to vent my life frustrations at you - so I am usually a really active person (probably more mentally than physically) anyways I know my biggest flaws are being a workaholic and overacheiver. I will honestly spend a solid 14-16 hours at work 6-7 days a week because I love my job and I thrive in knowing I am one of the best in the country. In my time off I usually study Korean (I teach myself) and I also study crime stuffs. I go surfing, take the dog out or think of better ways to do things at work - tbh betteribg myself at work occupies 99% of my brain. It sounds great but the past week I have been really struggling. I still keep up my work but I find I am only doing 8-10 hour shifts because I feel so mentally tired. Then when I go home I feel like I should be studying or doing something productive so I try to study or cook or clean and I just dont. I lay in bed and read one of your fics or just scroll aimlessly on my phone and then I hate myself afterwards for not doing it. It is like my brain was firing a million miles an hour and suddenly it just doesnt want to 😭😭 and I dont know how to fix myself or how to get my brain to fire back up again 😭

Okay. Whew.

So first, im gonna preface anything im about to say by stating i am not a psychiatrist or therapist, i am in no way qualified to like. Actually go into a full unpack of everything here. Im just some random 25 year old on a blue hellsite but like.

You're gonna work yourself into the ground, fam. 14-16 hour shifts (out of a 24 hour day????) 6-7 days a week is not healthy imo. Its entirely too much of a workload and I'm not sure what your working conditions are (or labor laws, for that matter) thats got you working 7 days at the same place with no break in between-

But thats like. A lot. I understand some people are workaholics, and there's nothing wrong with that, in moderation. Your life should not revolve around your workplace. Your workplace should not, in my merry little opinion, take up so much of your brain space that you have an adverse reaction to having more time off to yourself.

Im kind of worried about you, chief, im not gonna lie. I dont know if you sent this asking for advice (again, im not a professional im just some donut) or just to vent but i truly believe it could do you well to find a way to establish a healthy mentality with time off. You're a person, not a machine, and you dont need to spend every.waking.moment. doing something "productive". Work hard, but know when its time to just relax and recharge your batteries.

Even the best of the best know when its time to kick back and take a rest.

#zie also works 6 days a week and its stresses me the hell out bc I've heard her say the same thing on her day off #that shes not being productive or that shes wasted a day and it's like...rest #you can be work oriented and i respect the hustle but the hustle will also run you into the damn ground if you don't rest lovely #but yea. im not a professional idk #asks #anontiny #long post

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kdipshit · 1 year

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Well I Got The Thing I Needed, I Guess…

I have to learn to do everything my own way, as doing something with someone else’s perspective is just not possible. I have to be difficult all the time huh…

My body stays the same even tho it feels like my brain switches. Perspectives change. Beliefs. Realisations. Like the person I was 1 hour ago was dark and gloomy and quick to anger. irritated. But BPD irritation. I wanted to turn into a tornado and rip thru my entire house taking everyone up in it. Lol. Jk. But fr… and the person I am now is nothing like that. I don’t even think that way at all, why would I even want to it sounds like a war zone over there. Lets remember the parts of ourselves that occupy the body when the body is feeling so dark. She’s still us. Thats still me. Lol how do I say that? Im still me. Thats better. Im so sick of these walls in my brain keeping me from the other sides of myself, I can’t stay in the dark space for very long without scratching my way out. And its painful. Am I supposed to stay in that feeling until it passes? Coz sometimes it feels like it doesn’t fucking end, so I grab my bong and then I’m better. But weed is limited. Sometimes I think ill be better if I was just on the right meds. Im still very upset about my psych trip. And it makes me feel so discouraged to even continue trying…. But. I will keep trying. As long as I have weed to lean on, I’m straight as. But I’m not ignoring the darkness by trying to feel better. I can look at it in another perspective. I gotta do better. I gotta do better. The bruised knuckles do give me character tho. I should message A more quickly next time, she really did an amazing job at switching my perspective, its like she knows exactly how to talk to me. Im so grateful.

+ the weed makes me write better. Its easier to write down the thoughts… I found myself sounding like my hippie ass aunty telling my little sister that thoughts become things lol. Its such a shame that I’m actually crazy because no one really believes me lol. thoughts do become things tho, she was right, I just didn’t see the bigger picture, and I guess no one ever really will until they can for themselves. THANK YOU FOR PAIN. You give your shadow self love by learning how to thank the pain, and the hard journey, and the sleepless nights and teary eyes. Learning better methods, keeping yourself out of thought loops by treating every single day as brand new. Realising no ones got a problem with me lol. Im not a problematic person.

anyways…. Whats been going on wed chyall? Lol imagine all that trauma dumping and then I sip my tea. Your turn aunty. I’m always trine rush finish something because the act of doing something for too long freaks me out. Thats gotta be that ADHD hoe, which will be fixed if I fkn get my right meds bro wtf!!! D: like so much of my problems would be fixed if I just had the fun goddamn meds Jesus FUCK. Is it that hard around here? They think imma pill popper bro won’t even give me valium anymore, dogs. No fkn wonder why I’m smoking like smokey mother fucker, my shits al the way fucked up my boy. Give me the fucking pills lmaoooo. And up them anti-psychotics while your at it lmaoooo.

Does anyone else have conversations with other people in your head? Thats a normal thing right? Well the convos in my head are too quick to for me to write down, but they be having me fucked up on some different shit. I just did it, I just stopped a bad thought for manifesting bigger and replaced it with a better one AS SOON as it appeared. Sometimes I’m not quick enough and it catches me instead. I sat with myself today, I don’t even remember what I wrote in the ideation one. But I remember what mindset I was in, I’m curious to see how honest with myself I was. I can be honest with myself right now and day I don’t think I did good enough. There were times where I was thinking I really don’t wanna do this anymore. I forgot what I needed to remember, which was to redirect all go those feelings into positive ones, I know these things, but at some point, every emotion on peak feels the same, so I was historically crying on the way home, recklessly, because I forgot to remind myself, to switch the thought, look at everything else thats good, and setback or something super annoying happening is because your energy is needed elsewhere!! Butterfly effect, nothing in the end is bad. Its just a redirection, stop being so controlling, and let it be, let it flow, while you only control yourself, your reactions and your thoughts. Thoughts determine emotions, and emotions are my kryptonite.

The problem is my thought patter, and how it recycles the same 10-30 sentences over and over again. Some fkn crazy delulu, some that genuinely make sense cuz, and then the same normal other shit, right???? lol. Idk what I’m saying anymore but sometimes I ramble write (all the time) and I read it back and its dope as fuck and I actually make sense.

My poor knuckles are busted all because I knocked and no one answered. Well nah fuck, it was that, and then it was the non answered door last week too, its the non answered phone calls its the non answered emails like broooo. Should not be this hard to see a psychiatrist in my city I swear to god. Without weed I’m completely self destructive, I need to build my strength on my other positive coping mechanisms because typing really hurts. And I love to write. Self destructive me is very overwhelmed and unsure how to untangle everything so everything comes out as a big fat cry.

#blogging #new blog #mental health #actually bipolar #actually borderline #mental instability #actually bpd #original post #original writing

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god-whispers · 1 year

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jan 12

used or useless

"whom shall I send, and who will go for Us?” then i said, 'here am i! send me.'" isa 6:8

when i used to go to church, i always sat on the right side, in the last pew, looking towards the preacher. i think we all get used to where we sit and look upon it as our reserved parking space. i know some will look on that as being farther away from the anointing. when i began attending, i felt so useless i didn't think i could contribute in any way.

i remember one sunday service, i was sitting in my usual spot - not too many occupiers that far back. i had prayed that morning, "God, please use me in some way." well, that's all God wants - a willing vessel. it so happens we had several visitors that day. for some reason she had chosen to sit on my designated pew (but not in my seat, thank goodness.)

anyway, after the sermon and people were hanging out and getting prayed for and everything - i don't remember if she approached me or i discerned something troubled her - it turned out she needed prayer and agreement about something in her life.

she was a visitor and i probably would never see her again, so my timid spirit suddenly became bold as i grab her hand and began praying. she seemed to be blessed and thankful, but not as much as me. God had answered my prayer that very day; that very service. that's all God asks of any of us; a willing heart.

that was many years and many tears ago. needless to say, my prayers to "use me" have continued unabated. in fact, my prayer has become "use me up." if i am no longer useful to further His glory, His goodness, His mercy, His faithfulness... well i could go on indefinitely. essential, if i am no longer useful to Him, i just want to be with Him.

okay, here comes the punch line. after all that praying to be used, the other day the Lord kept prompting me to do this thing and it was something i really didn't want to do. i kept "reasoning" all the reasons i shouldn't do it. it would take so much time - it would require a lot of relearning (doing things i had forgotten how they were done) - i couldn't do it as well as someone else could - again, i could go on and on.

i guess with age, a little wisdom has come. it just took less than a day, a few hours, for me to say "yes Lord." so the next day i began my long, tedious, grueling task that God wanted me to do. (i do not know if these people will either like it or want it.) But God told me, just do it.

do you know what? surprise, surprise! God made it enjoyable. my mind started running with ideas and i couldn't wait to get up and get started again on the project. sure, i got tired and also got a few new wrinkles in my brain but i had the joy of the Lord leading me on. and do you know what? it doesn't matter if it's wanted or appreciated or anything. i am being used again by God. my prompting to do this project may well be for some other purpose He has in mind. it may just be because He was testing me as to whether i would be obedient or not. either way, it matters not to me. i remained where i always want to be - in the center of His will. "when He has tested me, i shall come forth as gold." job 23:10

just as God's people of long ago were flawed and still moved in His will, i too am knowingly flawed but evidently not beyond His use. none of us are. it only takes a willing heart and two words - yes Lord. who can ever grasp the depth of His mercy, beauty and goodness? certainly not me. now is the time God wants a lot of yes people. those saying, "here am i. send me." here am i, "use me." use the chalk down to the stub. use the pencil down to the eraser. use me up Lord.

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passingideasofaredballoon · 2 years

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Hey. It’s super late, but I need to write this down to get it out of my brain.

I’ve been really conflicted on which residence to choose. I know, I know. You’re like, “it isn’t that hard”. But I’m still up thinking about it. And I looked inward and had a really soul searching think. My indecisiveness goes deeper than you know, and I need to ask for some help. That’s my way of promising I’m not being dramatic about choosing a residence for the sake of being dramatic!

So, there are two residences im still choosing between. Currently I’m set to be in Douglas. Yesterday I frantically emailed to be switched into La Citadelle. Here’s the profiles, from the internet.

Douglas hall - shared bathrooms, tiny room. Far from campus, up a big icy hill in the winter. No air conditioning. Scholarship student first choice. Hogwarts. Dark and cramped. Everyone there loves it. Finds a family. Common rooms occupied with people and fun at all times. Weekly more chill parties. Good memories for life. Basically an adventure in a building that looks like Hogwarts for half but an army bunker for the other.

La citadelle - hotel style, single room with a washroom to myself. Big airy spaces. Light with huge windows. Right in downtown, getting to campus is a quick walk. Antisocial. For kids who can afford it, who have been said to be douchey and mean (but not always). At least, the least friendly of every residence. Few parties, if ever. Few organized residence activities. People left there comfortable, but with fewer friends.

Here’s the thing. Douglas Hall is exactly who I wish I was, and feel like I could be if I was allowed to be myself. Sure, there are some problems, but that girl I could be doesn’t break a sweat. She’s a problem solver, that one. No air conditioning? She buys a big fan until it stops being hot, and that happens soon since school does start in the fall. Big scary hill? She doesn’t care. She walks it energetically every day. Hell, she’s even that cool gal that buys a cheap bike and whips around the city with her full backpack. As the author, I know this about her because I can imagine her doing it in a second. NOT because I’m romanticizing her life in any way, or thinking of who she’s “supposed” to be. Her tiny room is decorated with bright warm lights and the coolest posters. It’s dirty? Well, her space is clean and that’s all that matters to her. Cause she’s not scared of sharing a bathroom with random guys. She can shower the fastest you’ve ever seen, cause she doesn’t really do anything with her hair anyway. She’s never stressed barfed at 2am in her life, so she doesn’t care how close the bathroom is anyway. She made friends with all the cool smart scholarship students she’s not intimidated by in the slightest. In the winter, they walk up and down the icy hill together and complain about it, lovingly. They hang out working on school, hitting the social scene on Friday nights, because they’re in the residence that has no one left alone on a Friday night. Because comfort is a second thought to her, when there’s life to be experienced. Everything that’s sub-par only adds to the wicked funny stories she’ll tell later on. Because she has many of those.

So I chose that residence. I chose that one, okay! That’s why. I want to live there and be that person.

But there’s where my indecisiveness starts.

Here is a secret that isn’t a secret. I was very sad this winter, and last winter too. And very very sad, last summer. I didn’t have the support to deal with it, but I’ll tell you what I had. I had a lot of damn quiet and a lot of damn space, so I used it. I know I took care of myself well, and I learned what worked best to get myself through. And a lot of the stuff was stupid, I’ll admit.

I know that whenever I’m overwhelmed - warm shower. A long one. Right away. I go make myself a warm drink or a coffee. I make sure I’m the right temperature so I can get 9 hours of sleep, or it gets scarier and so much worse without the sleep. I make sure I have a window big enough to let light in by opening the curtains. Exercise is weird. Sometimes it helps to walk but sometimes I’m so strange that moving gives me pins and needles in my brain. When I’m defeated or brain dead from doing so much work I can’t see, I lay on the floor. I take comfort in knowing my bathroom is right next to me. I stress barf. I’m used to over controlling the comforting conditions of my life so I can function and meet what is demanded from me.

So when I walked into Douglas Hall and stepped into my tiny room, the thing that made me panic most was realizing I didn’t have room to lie on the floor. I felt the “uh oh, what have I done” close in on me immediately. And the dark hallway and tiny windows? The fear of what would happen if I ended up feeling the way I have before, every year, and had none of my usual comforts to fall back on. Cause it really is scary and dark in there. And I mean, cold sweat, stress barf panic that for some reason I’m still feeling.

I was logical. I read reviews and Reddit pages and people ADORE Douglas hall when it’s lived in. It’s the experience of a lifetime for most that lived there. But even in the best case scenario, when the Douglas halls are cleaned up and lively with 170 students who put up banners, decorate their common rooms, hang string and Christmas lights and make it feel like a bright and warm home, the comforting things I may need won’t be there.

I panicked and sent the email to change residences because I pictured myself worst case scenario. I can’t throw myself into the fire when there’s a place I’m guaranteed to have the comforts I’ve always used. I promise, it’s not some spoiled luxury obsessed reason where I’m scared of not having my own tv. I just panic at the thought of being worse and feeling worse than I have in the past without a space to feel comfortable, at home, and fully able to take care of myself.

So here’s the question. Where do I go?

Am I being horrible to myself by forcing myself into a new situation that scares me to barf panic, when a safer and guaranteed comfortable option exists?

Or is it worst to deny the opportunity to have a better time (arguably the life I’ve felt I’ve missed for years) just because I’m too scared to try?

Would pushing myself into a situation where I had to be the person I wanted to be, actually be helping me become that person?

Would I give up my dream of living in literal hogwarts? For a warm shower when I need one?Will I regret that, a stupid but massive thing, for the rest of my time here? Will I be sad that I yet again missed out on cool friends and times I could have had?

I know I’m overthinking it. But this is my life and I actually get to make this decision for myself, and I don’t want to screw it up. I don’t want to put myself in any position where I feel bad, whether it’s from being uncomfortable or feeling guilty.

I genuinely don’t know what to do.

Please, could you give some advice? Let me know what you think?

Thanks,

Secret worried author

P.S the creepy guy worries me little, as I will stand out much less against 170 other kids. I’d avoid him. I’d carry pepper spray and a spiked baseball bat. It would be okay, I promise

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ectokelpeigh · 2 years

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WWDITS (tv) x DP

We’re going to roll with my headcanon that Vlad is incredibly sensitive to any mention of him looking like a vampire because it makes everything 10x funnier ok

Vlad goes to Staten Island meets our beloved nest of disasters because [reasons]. Maybe there’s an artifact in the house he really wants/needs? So he snoops around as Plasmius but he gets caught? Anyway, the vampires either a) recognize him as a ghost and are about as weird around him as they were about their own ghosts in 2x02, or b) assume he’s a vampire, and any protests/corrections from Vlad (and Guillermo, guardian of the brain cell) fall on deaf ears because they’re all just Like That.

The (actual) vampires’ individual reactions:

Nandor is immediately taken with Vlad. He ignores every word Vlad says and knows absolutely nothing about him by the time they all part ways, but feels so connected to his style that in Nandor’s mind, this is his new best friend (cue bad mood for Guillermo). They wear capes, they are conquerors, they love their pets, they wear boots with pointy toes. Bonus points if Nandor notes that Vlad’s look is “a little much” at some point because irony is delicious.

Nadja cannot stand this creep. Spends hours in a ‘confessional’ interview listing everyone bastard she’s met in her long life of which Vlad reminds her, exactly how she mutilated their corpses, and how much pleasure she took in it.

Laszlo: Vlad is relieved when Laszlo steal him away from the group to “converse in a more civilized space”, thinking Laszlo is the most normal of the bunch. Really Laszlo dragged him there to coach him on picking up sexual partners. Laszlo is convinced this pathetic chap needs to get laid pronto. Based on Plasmius’s aesthetics Laszlo assumes he’s super old, and he’s obviously been a frustrated virgin this whole time. But good lord no he’s not volunteering, he has standards. It goes as well as you think it does. We learn that Colin Robinson has taught him the word “incel” as some point.

Colin Robinson: fucking thrilled when he realizes he has an excuse to feed with some oddly specific Packers trivia. Vlad already knows every “fun fact” Colin Robinson has in store, which makes it all even juicier. When he runs out of trivia, he starts brainstorming ideas for Vlad to purchase the team. They’re all very obvious and/or generally terrible ideas. Fun plot twist: it turns out energy vampires temporarily get ghost powers if they feed off a halfa (including the ability to turn into a human, which is entirely useless to him because it’s not like he has any of the classic vampire weaknesses anyway but it’s a neat trick)

Of course I’m not leaving out Guillermo, but I don’t think he interacts with Vlad much. As usual he’s too busy solving the problem. + he has the good sense to avoid him. While the others occupy Vlad driving him crazy, Guillermo looks into Vlad’s personal history and Amity Park. He can’t stop whispering yikesyikesyikesyikes for three days at the shit he finds. He figures out the halfa thing almost instantly (the vampires have seen Vlad in both forms but assume it’s classic shape shifting, not some alive/dead thing [vampires: “you can turn into a human but not a bat? what’s the point?” Vlad: “What’s the point of turning into a bat when you can already fly without wings?”).

What does Guillermo do when faced with a threat like this? Fucking handles it that’s what. But as skilled as he is, wooden stakes and holy water don’t do shit to Vlad (he stakes him in human form once and Vlad is more upset about ruining his suit than anything).

So he scours the web for ways to deal with this kind of ghost, and on the way down that rabbit hole he comes across the Fentonworks site. Being their ridiculous selves, Jack and Maddie have a big old family photo of themselves and the kids that takes up the entire home page. Seeing Danny’s face (obviously the Ghost Boy of Amity Park with different eyes and hair, how is no one else seeing this?) and recognizing the Fenton name from his initial research on Vlad (news clipping from the accident), it doesn’t take long for Guillermo to figure out the personal connections. He somehow gets a hold of Danny and begs him to come deal with this bullshit, please. Danny whines “Aww, can’t you keep him for like, another week? It’s been so peaceful without him around.” but shows up the next day on their doorstep, arms crossed in a huff: “I’m here to pick up the trash.”

Vlad is thrilled to have an excuse to get away; his powers are haywire for [reasons again] and the personalities in the group are so obnoxious that he couldn’t speak long enough to make an excuse to leave before he’s interrupted again.

Except.

Guillermo never mentioned anything about vampires to Danny. But these are. Real vampires. His jaw drops and he bluescreens for a hot minute until he busts out laughing and cannot stop for the life of him.

Now, Danny showed up as Fenton and Guillermo hadn’t told anyone they were expecting a guest, much less a half-ghost (they wouldn’t even listen when he tried to explain Vlad’s situation), so when Danny literally falls over with laughter but “catches” himself with levitation before he hits the floor, all vampires present throw confused looks between each other then at Guillermo in unison. The first time Danny hears Nandor, Nadja, or Laszlo speak with their accents and fang-lisps he laughs so hard he involuntarily goes ghost, which makes him laugh harder because “you literally have me dying laughing here.”

For weeks after the fact, Danny only speaks to Vlad in a terrible imitation of Nandor and Nadja’s accents. Vlad absolutely ruins his day when he points out how much the stupid “hero voice” he uses as Phantom sounds like Laszlo.

Guillermo and Danny keep in touch, mostly texting each other out-of-context quotes from their respective ridiculous Masters (ba dum tss)

#golden opportunity for mockumentary-style DP #''fucking guy'' definitely sticks with Danny #wwdits #danny phantom #dp #dp crossover #dp x wwdits #dp writing prompts #klo #ghostferatu #crossover

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tendouluvr · 3 years

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aizawa calling you clingy - gn reader

- [attempt at] angst to fluff

- warnings: being called clingy, aizawa gets annoyed with reader and berates them, one use of the word ‘shit’

- wc: 1.9k

a/n: this wasnt......as sad as i wanted... i cant tell if im just not so good at writing angst or immune to it T_T

once again, not edited!

#! aizawa!!!! eee

#! hes a levelheaded man so arguments are rare

#! u both trust one another so theres no reason to have doubts in ur relationship

#! being his s/o, he tells u things thats not so easy to tell others over time, and you’re patient enough to let him take however much time he needs to let u in

#! however, years of keeping to himself most of the time doesnt just disappear even if you’re his s/o

#! so aizawa does have this tendency to close off and distance himself from u bc of his stress and insecurities

walking through the spacious halls of ua, you were headed towards your lovely boyfriend. aizawas been pretty busy lately with teaching his class, making sure no one is being left behind progress wise, doing his job as a pro-hero, and then spending his free time training with shinsou.

you knew showing up at school unexpectedly was something aizawa found irky, that’s why you made sure to tell him the night before that you would be coming during lunch time to bring him some yummy homemade food.

humming softly to yourself, you finally reached the door opening to class 1-A and walked in. the classroom was empty, but there at the front was no one other than mr. aizawa shouta. you quickly greeted him with a smile and he turned to look at you.

“what are you doing here?” he slowly asked with a look of confusion.

“i brought you some food! did you eat yet? i hope not, i made-,” you quickly stopped talking once you noticed the look he was giving you.

“why are you here? i already told you, you shouldnt be showing up without letting me know first. our relationship is quiet, if the students see they’ll get noisy and ask questions, i’ll get bombarded by my colleagues, and it’ll put you in danger if words get out. did anyone see you coming here? can you listen to me for once instead of continuing to always be near me? you’re so damn clingy and need to start thinking about the consequences your action will bring. i already ate, just go home before anything happens.”

your jaw dropped a little after hearing what he just said to you. did he not remember what you told him last night?

worst of all, you couldnt believe he just called you clingy. you just wanted to do something nice for him by making his favorite food hoping that it’ll relieve some of the stress thats been building up, but he just thought of you as clingy.

fine, if clingy is what you are then you’ll stop bothering him. you quickly whispered an apology, not sure if he could hear or not, and began making your way back home as fast as possible. the food you made for him was still tightly grasped in your hand.

due to the new dormitories, aizawa stays at ua majority of the time. he comes home to your shared apartment whenever he can to spend time with you. unfortunately, those time aren’t usually much because as soon as he’s free, he’s quick to do something else.

once you’ve made it home, you packed the food away and put it in the fridge. you felt your phone buzzing repeatedly, already guessing who it could possibly be, you took it out to see it was your boyfriend.

shou <3: im sorry

shou <3: honey, im so sorry. pls text me back when u can

shou <3: i know what i said hurted u, but i promise u i dont mean it. pls just call me or text me so we can talk about this

shou <3: i have to go back now. but i love u. so much.

staring at your screen, you contemplated texting him back.

letting out a sigh, you decided not to.

putting your phone to the side, you walked to the bedroom and changed out of your clothes into the comfy pjs you were wearing right before you left.

seeing that there was nothing for you to do other than wallow in your insecurities and let out a few tears, you got into bed and made yourself comfortable for an afternoon nap.

aizawa on the other hand was at school and distracted. his own words kept replaying over and over in his head and all he wants to do is smack himself a few times (after comforting u ofc).

his students could tell he was in a badder mood than usual so they collectively agreed to not worsen it (one particular student does not care. can u guess?). aizawa just wanted the day to pass so he can apologize to you directly and make it up with some cuddling.

despite being distracted with planning his apology and thinking about you, he was still teaching as he should and constantly telling his students to be quiet because he’s intimidating like that.

a few hours passed, the students are back in their dorms and some of the teachers are still in school finishing up some work. the hallways were empty and silent, and the weather outside was nice and calm - not too sunny with just the right amount of wind.

however, if you were to peek your head inside of class 1-A at the moment, the environment is an exact 180. aizawa is quickly trying to grade the remaining stack of papers he has on his desk so he can leave as soon as he can. there’s papers everywhere, he’s not so sure where the answer key went off to but to hell with the answer key. he just needs to go home.

his hair is messily tied up and his lips have probably been gnawed off by now. as soon as school ended, he got out his phone to see if you replied and sadly you didn’t. he doesn’t blame you though, considering all of the shit he said to you earlier.

finally writing down the fat score in red pen onto the final paper, he gathers everything and put to the side of his desk and packed up his stuff. his stuff being his yellow sleeping bag and that’s it.

he went to his room first to clean himself up a bit, and then grabbed a taxi to go to your shared apartment. arriving at the front door, he takes out his copy of the key and entered.

first thing he noticed while entering and taking off his shoes was that the apartment was dark and quiet. he made his way to the kitchen first and turned on its lights to check the fridge. in the fridge laid the food you made for him earlier today. he took it out to start heating it up in the microwave then he walks away from the food and to your bedroom.

quietly opening the door, he poked his head in to see you laying on your side with your back facing the door. he assumed you were asleep and gently closed the door to not wake you up. he made his way over to the bed and sat on the edge of it.

you, feeling the bed dip, slowly opened your eyes to be greeted with the sight of your boyfriend gingerly brushing his fingertips across your cheekbones. he notices that you’re awake and looks up to meet your eyes.

making eye contact with him, you quietly grunted and brought the blanket up to cover your face while turning your entire body to the other side to ignore him. aizawa sighed and brought his hand down to rest on your waist as he begins talking.

“yn... i know you’re.. mad at me for the things i said to you earlier, but i’m truly sorry. i know saying i didn’t mean it isn’t good enough for you to forgive me, but i want you to know i’m really really sorry. i’ve been so busy for the past few days, my head is all over the place, seeing you at school just got me overthinking and worried that i ended up saying things about you that’s not true at all. i love you so much, hun. you’re the best thing to happen to me. you don’t have to forgive me now, i understand if you want some space.”

it was silent for some time after he finished his apology. the echoing silence was slowly making aizawa worried that you’ll leave him, but he won’t tell you that. thinking that you wanted space, he lifted his shaky hand off of your waist and moved to get off of the bed when you suddenly grabbed onto his hand to keep him there.

“i...i told you the day before that i was going to be visiting you during lunch time. did you not remember? or even hear me tell you?”

aizawa situated himself back down onto the bed before replying. “if i’m being honest, i don’t really remember much of that day at all. my brain was occupied with work and rest, so i was practically drained by the end of the night. i’m sorry i took it out on you, it’s my fault for overworking when i know you’ve been trying to help.”

letting out a soft sigh, you turned your body back towards him. still holding onto his hand, you carefully slotted your fingers in between his and pulled him down to lay with you. he immediately found comfort in this and placed his head into your neck. you could feel his facial hair against your skin making you let out a quiet giggle.

“i love you. i know you have a habit to overwork since that’s all you did before we dated, but please shou, take care of yourself. im not talking physically, cuz you’re already so damn fine, but mentally. i hate seeing you bury yourself in work and training that it even makes me tired just watching you.”

he grumbled something against your neck - his usual reaction to you complimenting him - and held onto you tighter while putting light kisses on your collarbone.

“i know. i will. please bear with me, i know i’m a pain but i’ll always try to be my best for you. i’m never letting you go, love you too much for that.”

“hmm? who said i’m going? you’re stuck with me forever just so you know,” you laughed and patted his head before rising from the bed.

“i heard you heating up the food earlier. get up and come eat,” you tugged aizawa to get him off the bed.

he grumbled once again because he was being forced to leave the warm comfort of your shared bed, but followed you out anyway holding onto your hand.

“wait. you heard me entering? so you were pretending to sleep when i got here?! not funny, babe. not funny. -also don’t take sleep for granted. i did and look where that got me. stop laughing!”

bonus:

it was the next day and aizawa just finished passing out the grades he rushed grading yesterday. even though it was rushed, he was confident that there wasn’t any mistakes-

“aizawa sensei, you marked this question wrong when it’s right. this one too. and this other one on the last page. are you trying to fail me?!” denki dramatically wailed as he showed aizawa his papers.

guess he did make mistakes after all.

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