#asexual misconceptions

[the-iron-orchid]

Diversity win! The person making graphic kinky filth content is asexual! :D

#and the general misconceptions about sex favorable asexuals kept me from figuring it out for a long time #which was super cool and not at all harmful

[urnormieauthor]

Read it and weep bitches

#Ace #asexual #Asexuality: Myths #Misconceptions and Other Things That Are Just Plain Wrong

[sleepymrshmllow]

okay so I really want to put my 2 cents into this ace will discourse bc as an asexual some of what's being said makes me.. uncomfortable? I guess like

before I start I want to say that I totally hear and understand both sides of the argument like I genuinely understand and I believe there is nuance to it. unfortunately I feel like people who see will as asexual (as a HC, mind you) get overly demonized? especially if those people are asexual themselves I don't think that's really fair.

now I agree that will being allosexual is important (esp for the time period and the shame gay men experience for being sexually attracted to men), but I also don't think some people headcanoning him as ace is done to like rip that away (esp since HCs don't affect canon) inherently

like I feel like there are a lot of asexual ppl who relate to will a lot, especially in s3, bc those kind of experiences can (and do) overlap. will's lack of interest in romance (with girls that is), not getting why mike and lucas are so stuck on their gfs, etc like obviously in canon it's because will is gay but that experience is shared with asexual ppl as well sometimes so I don't blame people for relating or projecting onto their favorite character yknow?

I vibe with the headcanon, but I don't see it as canon and I think will being allosexual is important. that being said I don't think it's fair to shame people for seeing him as ace *inherently* BUT I think its important for people, mainly allos, who are HCing him as asexual to think about why they feel that way. bc if it's because he's more "innocent" or shy or quiet, etc then that rubs me the wrong way..

not to mention... asexual people *can* still experience sexual attraction bc its a spectrum (demisexual, greyace, etc). even if an ace person doesn't experience it they can still desire that intimacy. I can't stand the misconception that all asexual people are sex repulsed and celibate bc that's not true. asexual people get infantilized so much its insulting :/

#tp #ace discourse #(just in case) #i respect everyone's thoughts on this and all i ask is that we be respectful to one a other #bc i do see a lot of misconceptions on asexuality #this is just my opinion and if i have expressed anything in a way that feels malicious or rude i apologize! #and im open to discussion if needed!

[laurenfoxmakesthings]

Sharing this in honour of Sherlock Holmes being now fully in the public domain.

#sherlock holmes #public domain #asexual #asexual pride #please do not use ace erasure on the most famous canon ace character at the same time #get over your misconceptions of asexuality Holmes and Watson can be boyfriend AND Holmes can be ace #both can happen a lot of you just think the relationship is somehow 'less queer' if Holmes doesn't find Watson hot #Youtube #i meant 'of all time' dammit I can't edit tags on mobile

[at-the-sign-of-the-fox-n-phoenix]

This lovely infographic is from:  https://theacelandempire.tumblr.com/ Go check them out!

#asexuality #common misconceptions #and no #A is not for Ally

[scretladyspider]

demisexuality can be so hard to explain because it’s misconstrued as you just wanting to trust the other person before you have sex with them. and I get why the misconception happens. But demisexuality differs in that there isn’t sexual attraction at all before that bond forms.

I think what people have difficulty with is the idea that there are people out there who aren’t experiencing sexual attraction at all until a certain point, if ever, because we’re taught that sex, libido, and sexual attraction are all the same, both in and out of queer spaces.

And when you’re learning about asexuality and demisexuality, you may learn that people have romantic and aesthetic attraction separately from sexual attraction, and that sexual and romantic attraction aren’t necessarily intertwined, and that may challenge your worldview on sex.

But “I trust you enough to have sex with you” isn’t the same as “I’m not sexually attracted to anyone but you, and the reason I’m sexually attracted to you now after we’ve established this close bond is literally because of the bond of trust we’ve been able to form”.

It’s easy to see how those can get conflated. On the surface, if you’re unfamiliar with asexuality, they may sound the same. But it’s important to acknowledge the difference between “no sex until I trust you” and “no sexual attraction unless I trust you and maybe not even then”.

Demisexuality is housed under the asexuality spectrum. It’s part of the gray area between being allosexual and asexual. It’s part of why the definition for asexuality includes “little to no sexual attraction”. It’s a mostly asexual experience with an asterisk.

While being demisexual may have impacts on a persons sexual activity, even demisexuals have a varied relationship to the act of participating in sex. Libido and sexual attraction are not always intertwined either, which can make telling the difference tricky.

I think of sexual attraction as libido that has a compass. Since I rarely ever experience sexual attraction, but do have libido, it’s noticeable for me when that libido actually has a direction to go, rather than being a floating, nebulous, independent thing.

Remember, not everyone is demisexual. There’s a difference between waiting to have sex and not having sexual attraction at all until a certain point. This also inherently ties demisexuality to romantic attraction and relationships, and not all demisexuals are alloromantic.

But if you read what demisexuality is and think “everyone is like that” or “that’s just being a woman”, you either 1) are demisexual 2) don’t understand what it is or 3) both. And it’s okay to not know. Just as long as you’re willing to try to learn.

#lgbtqia #queer #asexual #asexuality #text #demisexual #demisexuality #ace #demi ace #acespec #actually ace

[life-of-an-asexual]

Asexual Non-Fiction

Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex by Angela Chen

An engaging exploration of what it means to be asexual in a world that's obsessed with sexual attraction, and what we can all learn about desire and identity by using an ace lens to see the world. Through interviews, cultural criticism, and memoir, ACE invites all readers to consider big-picture issues through the lens of asexuality, because every place that sexuality touches our world, asexuality does too.

The Invisible Orientation: An Introduction to Asexuality by Julie Sondra Decker

In The Invisible Orientation, Julie Sondra Decker outlines what asexuality is, counters misconceptions, provides resources, and puts asexual people's experiences in context as they move through a very sexualized world. It includes information for asexual people to help understand their orientation and what it means for their relationships, as well as tips and facts for those who want to understand their asexual friends and loved ones.

How to Be Ace: A Memoir of Growing Up Asexual by Rebecca Burgess

In this brave, hilarious and empowering graphic memoir, we follow Rebecca as they navigate a culture obsessed with sex—from being bullied at school and trying to fit in with friends, to forcing themself into relationships and experiencing anxiety and OCD—before coming to understand and embrace their asexual identity.

A Quick & Easy Guide to Asexuality by Molly Mulldoon and Will Hernandez

Writer Molly Muldoon and cartoonist Will Hernandez, both in the ace community, are here to shed light on society’s misconceptions of asexuality and what being ace is really like. This book is for anyone who wants to learn about asexuality, and for Ace people themselves, to validate their experiences. Asexuality is a real identity and it’s time the world recognizes it. Here’s to being invisible no more! 

Asexualities: Feminist and Queer Perspectives edited by Karli June Cerankowski and Megan Milks

As the first book-length collection of critical essays ever produced on the topic of asexuality, this book serves as a foundational text in a growing field of study. It also aims to reshape the directions of feminist and queer studies, and to radically alter popular conceptions of sex and desire. Including units addressing theories of asexual orientation; the politics of asexuality; asexuality in media culture; masculinity and asexuality; health, disability, and medicalization; and asexual literary theory, Asexualities will be of interest to scholars and students in sexuality, gender, sociology, cultural studies, disability studies, and media culture.

Refusing Compulsory Sexuality: A Black Asexual Lens on Our Sex-Obsessed Culture by Sherronda J. Brown

In this exploration of what it means to be Black and asexual in America today, Sherronda J. Brown offers new perspectives on asexuality. She takes an incisive look at how anti-Blackness, white supremacy, patriarchy, heteronormativity, and capitalism enact harm against asexual people, contextualizing acephobia within a racial framework in the first book of its kind. A necessary and unapologetic reclamation, Refusing Compulsory Sexuality is smart, timely, and an essential read for asexuals, aromantics, queer readers, and anyone looking to better understand sexual politics in America.

I Am Ace: Advice on Living Your Best Asexual Life by Cody Daigle-Orians

Within these pages lie all the advice you need as a questioning ace teen. Tackling everything from what asexuality is, the asexual spectrum and tips on coming out, to intimacy, relationships, acephobia and finding joy, this guide will help you better understand your asexual identity alongside deeply relatable anecdotes drawn from Cody's personal experience. Whether you are ace, demi, gray-ace or not sure yet, this book will give you the courage and confidence to embrace your authentic self and live your best ace life.

Ace Voices: What it Means to Be Asexual, Aromantic, Demi or Grey-Ace by Eris Young

Drawing upon interviews with a wide range of people across the asexual spectrum, Eris Young is here to take you on an empowering, enriching journey through the rich multitudes of asexual life. With chapters spanning everything from dating, relationships and sex, to mental and emotional health, family, community and joy, the inspirational stories and personal experiences within these pages speak to aces living and loving in unique ways. Find support amongst the diverse narratives of aces sex-repulsed and sex-favourable, alongside voices exploring what it means to be black and ace, to be queer and ace, or ace and multi-partnered - and use it as a springboard for your own ace growth.

Asexual Erotics: Intimate Readings of Compulsory Sexuality by Ela Przybylo

Through a wide-ranging analysis of pivotal queer, feminist, and anti-racist movements; television and film; art and photography; and fiction, nonfiction, and theoretical texts, each chapter explores asexual erotics and demonstrates how asexuality has been vital to the formulation of intimate ways of knowing and being. Asexual Erotics assembles a compendium of asexual possibilities that speaks against the centralization of sex and sexuality, asking that we consider the ways in which compulsory sexuality is detrimental not only to asexual and nonsexual people but to all.

Ace Notes by Michele Kirichanskaya

As an ace or questioning person in an oh-so-allo world, you're probably in desperate need of a cheat sheet. Covering everything from coming out, explaining asexuality and understanding different types of attraction, to marriage, relationships, sex, consent, gatekeeping, religion, ace culture and more, this is the ultimate arsenal for whatever the allo world throws at you.

Ace and Aro Journeys: A Guide to Embracing Your Asexual or Aromantic Identity by The Ace and Aro Advocacy Project

Join the The Ace and Aro Advocacy Project (TAAAP) for a deep dive into the process of discovering and embracing your ace and aro identities. Empower yourself to explore the nuances of your identity, find and develop support networks, explore different kinds of partnership, come out to your communities and find real joy within. Combining a rigorous exploration of identity and sexuality models with hundreds of candid and poignant testimonials - this companion vouches for your personal truth, wherever you lie on the aspec spectrum.

Sounds Fake But Okay: An Asexual and Aromantic Perspective on Love, Relationships, Sex, and Pretty Much Anything Else by Sarah Costello and Kayla Kaszyca

Drawing on Sarah and Kayla's personal stories, and those of aspec friends all over the world, prepare to explore your microlabels, investigate different models of partnership, delve into the intersection of gender norms and compulsory sexuality and reconsider the meaning of sex - when allosexual attraction is out of the equation.

#asexual #asexuality #aromantic #representation #original post

[aroacesafeplaceforall]

Misconceptions about being Arospec/acespec

from here I present a shorter version, please do read the full one!

Asexuality is not:

a medical condition

a choice

celibacy/chastity

waiting (for marriage, or true love, or the right person)

something that can be changed by the right person

... and much more!

Aspec people may or may not:

Want to date

Want to get married

Want to have kids

... and much more!

Aros may or may not:

Have been in romantic relationships in the past

Enjoy consuming romantic media

Have had traumatic experiences from romance or romantic relationships

... and much more!

Aces may or may not:

Have had sex before

Enjoy sex

Be curious about sex

Masturbate

... and much more!

Aspec people do:

Face discrimination, known as acephobia or aphobia, including microaggressions, workplace discrimination, and even corrective rape.

Examples of Micro-aggressions

“You should feel flattered by unwanted attention”

“There is no love without sex”

“That’s not real” or “You’re lying”

“But how do you know if you haven’t tried sex”

“I bet I can change that”

“Romantic love is what makes us human”

“There’s something wrong with you”

Being called cold, emotionless, robots, or inhuman

And so much more of this bullshit.

#aromantic #asexual #aroace #aro #ace #aro pride #ace pride #pride #lgbtqia

[what-even-is-thiss]

No, common misconception. You actually become asexual by beating Cupid's ass in a wrestling competition.

#roman said a thing #i jest #mythology #asexual

[lying-on-floors]

Just because a character is aro/ace does not mean they can't form close bonds, or have romantic partners, or have sex.

Aro/ace is an identification, but it's also a spectrum.

Aromantic is an identity and spectrum. Some aromantic people feel no romance and have no desire for the intimacy that comes with romantic relationships. Other aromantic people may feel the desire for the intimacy that romance brings, but have never felt romantic feelings, or they have, but they can't distinguish between platonic feelings and romantic feelings. Some aromantic people may only feel romance once they've formed a close bond with another person. Some aromantic people, like myself, have not really felt romance but has a desire to and hopes that, one day, they can find someone, who is patient and loving and willing, to help them figure it out. And some aromantic people fluctuate, from feeling romance to not feeling it, at all.

Asexuality is an identity and spectrum. Some asexual people are touch averse and have no desire for sexual activites, alone or with others. Other asexual people may feel the desire for sexual activities but have no attraction to another person. Some asexual people are attracted to someone but just don't care for sex. Some asexual people do feel attraction and is okay with having sex with another person but they have no desire to be touched by their partner. Some asexual people may fluctuate, from feeling attraction to not feeling any. And some asexual people only feel attraction once they've formed a close bond with that person.

There are so many more identities within the aro/ace spectrum but these are just a few, and just because someone is aromantic, does not mean they're asexual and vice versa. Sometimes, someone is both aromantic and asexual but that does not invalidate them or their experiences.

So, you can headcanon whatever you like about a canonically aro/ace character, but PLEASE do not erase their aro/ace identity all together.

I would like to clarify that this post is not specifically about zolu, and I have no problem with people going against popular headcanons, it just got me thinking about aro/ace erasuer, which as an aro/ace person, truly effects me and I just, hate to see it. I would also like to add, I understand Luffy isn't canonically aro/ace, it's a popular headcanon, it just reminded me of my feelings on aro/ace erasure. If you look at my profile, this post has been in my head for a little while. Sorry for any misconceptions. /Gen

#aromantic #asexual #lesbian #nonbinary #queer #headcanon #this was inspired by #zolu #and the #one piece #fandom #but it stands for all #aro/ace #characters

[anistarrose]

I just saw a post with a very dangerous conflation of terminology going around (and on International Asexuality Day, no less!) so as a polite but firm, and apparently much-needed reminder:

Sex repulsed/averse, sex indifferent, and sex favorable are terms used by the asexual spectrum community to describe individual feelings and interest levels towards sex. You don't have to identify with any of these terms to be ace-spec, but lots of ace-specs consider them useful vocabulary — since we do, after all, exist on a wide spectrum.

These terms are not the same thing as being sex negative or sex positive, and they should not be used interchangeably! Sex negativity and sex positivity refer to attitudes towards sex in a societal setting, and the associated regressive, queerness-punishing societal norm (sex negativity) or movement to fix/overthrow that societal norm (sex positivity).

Calling sex repulsed asexuals "sex negative" conflates ace people's individual feelings about sex with societal sex negativity and cultural conservatism. Maybe not to you using that term, knowing what you mean, but to potential readers. And that doesn't mean you're consciously aphobic or anything, but it's still a vital misconception to address — because implying, accidentally or otherwise, that ace people are invariably sex negative or even responsible for sex negativity is pretty fucked up!

It encourages acephobia in queer communities (especially online ones), drives wedges between people who would otherwise be among each other's closest allies in the fight for queer liberation... and even neglects the fact that even sex repulsed asexuals suffer harm from sex negativity, too! Sex negative culture doesn't let you talk about asexuality without being accused of "oversharing," or "corrupting the youth!" That's, like, one of the aphobe talking points, even though it's just recycled homophobia and transphobia, and it proves the need to truly understand asexuality and sex positivity as forces that are by no means inherently opposed!

TL;DR: Please don't conflate sex negativity with sex repulsion or aversion — it feeds misconceptions that in turn feed aphobic discourse. This sex positive, sex averse ace, and many others in the same boat or similar boats, will all thank you for using the right wording!

#asexuality #aphobia #acephobia

[nunalastor]

I can say as a demiromantic the Alastor shipping discourse just gets so fuckin tiring.

Like I hate it that the minute a character is confirmed to be ace, everyone and their mother immediately labels them as sex-repulsed and considers shipping said character a crime worthy of the death penalty. It’s not the “respect” they think it is. All this does is erase other identities on the asexual spectrum. All it does is allow misconceptions about asexuality to continue to be spread. All it does is push closet asexuals who may not feel sex-repulsion further deep into denial and in the closet.

I get being this defensive if, say, an irl celebrity came out as ace and expilictly stated to stop drawing porn and shipping them with people. But a fictional character? Really? Does the feelings of a god damn fictitious deer cannibal matter more to these people than an irl person? A person who could potentially just be trying to create a relatable rep for how they experience their asexuality?

I understand representation in the media is important. However, not everyone experiences things in the exact same way. Wether that be in how one experiences their gender, sexuality, disability, etc. That’s why VARIED representation is even more important. We’re not a hive mind. We’re people with our own thoughts and opinions. Our own experiences. And we deserve to be heard.

Now, while I don’t necessarily like most Alastor ships (nothing against them, just can’t see most of them happening) I’m not gonna burn someone at the stake for having a different opinion than I do. It’s not my problem.

Moral of the story: I just wish people would stop harassing others for having a different opinion then them

(Also personal HC of mine is that Al is Demi-Aroace but that’s just me lmao)

👏

#hazbin hotel #hazbin discourse #radioapple #appleradio #lucifer morningstar #alastor #radio apple #apple radio #nunalastor asks

[transmasculinearomanticism]

I'm seeing increasing evidence that this isn't as common knowledge as we thought so, to aces:

Please do not tag content as aromantic if it's only about being asexual.

Even if you yourself are aro.

Even if it can technically apply to both.

If the post or pic or meme or whatever doesn't specifically include aromantics, it shouldn't be in the aro tags. It doesn't matter if you're aro yourself, that would be like me tagging every post I make as "bigender" just because I happen to be bigender even if the post itself isn't related.

We ask this because aromantic and asexual are not the same but many people mistakenly believe them to be, and constantly having ace content in aro-only spaces perpetuates this misconception. There are also many aromantics who aren't also ace and seeing them as the same thing excludes them in their own spaces.

Thank you.

#.txt #aromantic #aro #actually aromantic #actually aro #asexual #ace #aroace #asked someone recently to take the aro tag off an ace meme and they went 'but it can apply to both 🥺' #like mate dude pal my guy. you are missing the point

[acepride]

This is your daily reminder that asexual people can have sex! I can't believe this is still a misconception even after all these years.

I'm not saying every asexual person does, obviously, but some do and that's okay and you're still valid! 💜🖤

#ace #asexual #asexuality #asexual pride #asexy #pride #ace pride

[ace-exploring]

"Why do we have to use labels? Why can't everyone just be themselves and be accepted?"

It's to do with language.

Before I realised I was grey-ace, I didn't identify as asexual (I had some misconceptions about the definition of asexuality, and as I was in love and romantically attracted to my partner, I thought that was sexual attraction).

But I also didn't feel like I quite fit in with the heteros. Everyone seemed OBSESSED with sex, and yeah it's great, but so is chocolate and a cat on your lap and a good book and no work the next day.

I thought I was alone with how I felt and that everyone around me was SO WEIRD. It's weird to want to bang people you went to school or work with! How can you possibly find them attractive?

Even when I looked up asexuality, I still didn't really identify as ace because, as I found out when I found the label, I'm sex favourable. I don't usually initiate but I'm happy to participate. It wasn't until I read some books with ace characters talking about the same exeriences I felt, and then I looked up the term 'grey-ace', that I finally realised I was on the ace spectrum.

If there was no word for asexuality, I'd still feel like I was a loner and outcast, 'weird' among all the allos. If there was no label for gray-ace, I wouldn't have found my home on the ace spectrum. Because I could ONLY identify as allosexual, I would feel like maybe like there was something wrong with ME. It would affect my mental health. It affected several of my relationships in the past. Thinking I was the same as everyone else, just different, affected my whole goddamn life.

Once I found my label, I felt so much better, knowing that other people experienced this as well.

Labels can help you feel not so alone, and in that way, they are powerful.

#asexual #asexuality #ace #asexual pride #lgbtqia+ #acepride #greyace #grayace #exploring asexuality #pride #asexual heteroromantic #married asexual #asexual post #asexual positivity #sex favourable asexual

[scretladyspider]

Let’s talk about what demisexuality

Very basically, demisexuality describes a sexual orientation in which a person does not experience sexual attraction to anyone of any gender unless a close bond is formed. This does not mean they are attracted to everyone they are bonded with, nor is it just abstaining from sex.

Abstinence is a choice anyone of any sexual orientation can make, and is a choice about sexual behavior. Celibacy is also a choice anyone of any sexual orientation can make, and is a choice about sexual behavior. Both are often confused for asexuality, but asexuality is a sexual orientation which describes a spectrum of little to no sexual attraction, and sexual behavior for aces can vary from ace to ace.

Demisexuality describes how attraction is formed, rather than who it is towards. For this reason many demisexuals choose to delineate their romantic orientation separately. For example if I’m romantically attracted to the same gender, I would be a homoromantic demisexual.

This is predicated on the idea of splitting romantic, sexual, and even tertiary attractions via the Split Attraction Model, or SAM. While many demisexuals us the SAM, not all do nor is it required.

Demisexuals can be any romantic orientation. This means a demisexual may or may not be aromantic or alloromantic. Demisexuals aren’t necessarily demiromantic; demiromantics aren’t necessarily demisexual.

Demisexuality exists under the spectrum of asexuality because it describes sexual attraction that is only experienced under a specific condition and context. The term originated on forums discussing the gray area of asexuality on @avenpt forums between 2003-2006. The rumor that it was started for a fictional character for a role play isn’t true; the link in this paragraph has citations and screenshots showing where it was originally coined.

Being demisexual doesn’t automatically mean that you’re sex favorable. This misconception stems from the idea that “all women are demisexual”, which misconstrues the spectrums of gender and asexuality, and also robs allosexual women and feminine people of their sexual autonomy. Choosing to not have sex until you trust the person isn’t the same as not experiencing sexual attraction to anyone at all until a specific bond forms, and not with every bond. The perception that only women would ever wait until there’s trust to have sex isn’t true either; anyone of any sexual orientation and gender can make that choice.

The more common misconceptions about demisexuality, and asexuality as a whole, are largely based in ideals around conservative Evangelical Christianity; that is to say the heteronormative notion that women and feminine people are inherently “more” asexual than our male counterparts. This is false. Not only is demisexuality’s existence (and asexuality’s existence) not predicated on gender, it is an experience of conditional sexual attraction, not sexual behavior or action. This view is dehumanizing and plays into seeing women and feminine people as objects whose sexuality only exists for the pleasure of others instead of complex people. In addition it boils men and masculine people down to only desiring sex for its carnal pleasure, rather than viewing them as whole people, and erases the experiences of ace men and masculine people.

Anyone can be ace; anyone can be demisexual. Aces can also have and enjoy sex for a variety of reasons. While many don’t have sex, it’s not true as a rule. Aces can have and enjoy sex, or not have sex at all.

I hope if you’re demisexual, you’re having a great day and you feel valid about yourself! Because you are.

#demisexuality #demisexual #demisexual pride #asexuality #asexual #asexuality spectrum #asexual spectrum #asexual stuff #lgbtqia #queer #split attraction model #sexuality #text #scretladyspider writes #ace #acespec