#aspec discrimination

[codthefishgod]

To all the people who think aspec people aren't LGBTQIA+ because we aren't "discriminated against enough", here's a lovely list of reasons why you need to educate yourself:

- We suffer from dehumanisation, people actively devaluing or even erasing our humanity because of our identities (The voidpunk community is heavily supported by aspec people because of this)

- We suffer from self hatred due to feeling as if and being told we are broken, that no one can be happy unless they're in a romantic/sexual relationship, because of allonormativity and amatonormativity that actively damages our mental health

- Amatonormativity shapes laws that put us at an active disadvantage, such as giving married people financial and legal benefits

- Aspec people have been victims of conversion therapy, correctional rape, a lower quality of life, and other effects of being a marginalised and oppressed group

- We suffer from our identities being pathologised and deal with medical stigma because of this, causing many of us to feel unwelcome in and even avoid health care settings

- We suffer from our identities being erased, which can range from people completely denying our existence and people equating it to celibacy, to an almost complete absence of aspec representation in the media (It's been getting better lately, especially for alloaces and aroaces, but I have yet to ever see a canon aroallo character, and representation for those on the spectrum rather than in the extremes is often ignored)

- YOU are creating a hateful, exclusionary space in a community meant to be about inclusion. The same thing that happens to us happens to bisexual people, to polyamorous people, and other identities that are "disputed." In a community meant to be about rejecting the norm, YOU are shoving us out because we don't fit the norm of being LGBTQIA+. Because we're not enough like you.

These are only a few examples of aphobia that people like me deal with. Discrimination and oppression against aspec people stretches far beyond this.

But even if it didn't, it is disrespectful and harmful to everyone involved to gatekeep membership in the community based on oppression and discrimination.

We aren't LGBTQIA+ because we experience oppression. We are LGBTQIA+ because our existence alone goes against heteronormativity and other societal norms forced upon us.

#lgbtq #lgbtqia #aromantic #asexual #aromanticism #asexuality #ace #aro #aspec rights #aspec #aro pride #aroace #arospec #ace pride #ace rights #acespec #aro rights #this has been a psa #psa #information #important psa #aroaceprideispridetoo #we are enough #allonormativity #amatonormativity #discrimination #aspec discrimination #oppression #inclusion #educate yourself

[deatmat]

Ace therapy is something incredibly interesting. I just saw a post about how in therapy asexuality is still treated like an illness and how hard it is to find a therapist who won’t try to convert you. (I was going to put this in the reblogs but then my phone did a whacky thing and made it disappear)

I wanted to share that there’s another issue with therapy and asexuality: people trying to use therapy to ‘fix’ friends/family.

When I was 13 I started to see a therapist for anxiety and depression. I was so terrified that I forced my mother to attend the first session with me. We sat down with Dr. A and started discussing what I wanted to explore over my time with her. As I finished my bit about why I was here, my mom decided to tack on one last thing.

“We also struggle a lot with her sexuality.”

I looked at my mother in shock because while, yes my parents do struggle to accept it and that does play a role in my life that I’d like to talk about, it was not what I’d expected to hear. Dr. A asked her what she meant as I stiffened in the shoulders and started to dread what she’d say.

“Well just that she’s asexual, and a little confused, and maybe you can help her through that.”

This may seem like it could be harmless - maybe she meant it as in genuinely wanting someone to support me through a difficult transition. But, knowing my mother, she was waiting for a professional to validate her in her opinion that I was “confused” and “too young” and “just waiting for the right person/for my hormones to kick in.”

Thankfully, Dr. A seemed to sense I was uncomfortable and shuffled along the conversation. When we had our next session without my mom, she asked me if I wanted to talk about asexuality or if my mother just wanted to, and when I explained it wasn’t a huge issue in my life, she accepted that and moved on. Asexuality was only ever mentioned from there on when I was talking about the stress of other peoples reactions to it, in which it was immediately treated respectfully. Though my mother still asked after most sessions if asexuality had been brought up.

I was lucky to have a good therapist, someone who welcomed all variations of queer people without hesitation. If I had been without her, this would be a very different conversation about ace therapy.

The LGBTQIA community says asexuals don’t face discrimination but we’re still so unsafe in medical settings. Most of us know we can never mention being ace to our therapists or our treatments would begin to focusing on increasing our sex drives which don’t have anything wrong with them in the first place. It’s sick and wrong that people are using the system to their advantage and trying to snuff out our identities. Please stay safe out there my ace pals.

#acespec #asexual #asexuality #therapy #ace therapy #discrimination #conversion #ace awareness week #ace pride #aspec #story time #personal experience #queer #lgbtq community #lgbtqia #a is for ace/aro btw #we belong here too #we are still not accepted in this world

[currently-becoming-potatoes]

Ah, nothing like discourse about aro/ace people to kick the sludge up from the bottom of the pond…

Yeah, to anyone who is of the mindset that aro/ace people without any other label attached are straight, please get the fuck off my blog, off this website, off the internet, away from civilization, and into a forest somewhere far, far away from everybody.

#aphobia #acephobia #arophobia #stop discriminating #ramblings of a madman #aromantic #asexual #aro #ace #aroace #aspec #arospec

[anths-girl]

I'm not one to try and write long-winded posts or like, get very passionately into a certain topic, or whatever. Mostly for the fact that, for one, my anxiety just makes me believe that nobody gives a shit about what little ol' me has to say about anything. And secondly, the few times in the past I DID kind of…speak up about things, I got such horrible responses that it just put me off ever actually saying anything at all, anymore.

But, BUT…sometimes I just CANNOT shut up. And this is one of those times.

I've lately started noticing this thing where, apparently, if you're asexual - and I AM very much asexual - you're not "included" in the "community," if you're a "straight" asexual. Like, go to my blog, see me posting pictures of like, Kirk Hammett with heart eyes emojis…BOOM, nope, you're not a "real" asexual. You're not valid. You're not included. Because I find men aesthetically pleasing, I'm…a fake? A fraud? Or, not actually asexual at all? Doesn't matter that, when I was 13, a guy I actually thought I liked, wanted to kiss me, and I fucking RAN AWAY. Or when another guy I also thought I liked, touched me, or hugged me or did anything physical, I would get nauseous and so uncomfortable that I pushed him off and made some vague excuses to just get the fuck AWAY. Or that, at the age of fucking 40, I am a virgin, I've never been kissed, AND I ABSOLUTELY DON'T WANT TO DO ANYTHING SEXUAL WITH ANYONE, EVER?

BUT, again, because I find MEN attractive (to LOOK at), and because I'm sex positive, I've watched porn (and YES, enjoyed it), like sexy movies, LOVE to read (and occasionally write) smut…I am not actually asexual? So…what? I'm just this broken, wrong…thing? That doesn't belong anywhere, because I'm not "attracted" to someone of my own gender? Even though asexual literally means I am not physically attracted to ANYONE? Because I am, according to "normal society," for all intents and purposes, labelled as "straight," I am not worthy of the "community."

The same "community" who is ALWAYS preaching inclusivity, and understanding and compassion? Well, shit, lately it's everything BUT compassionate. I've become wary, or even scared, of saying I'm asexual, because I'm afraid of ridicule. Again, I have pretty damn bad anxiety, and I get afraid when I just post a simple comment on things online, because I just don't have the mental energy to get into arguments or disputes. Though…it SHOULDN'T BE THAT WAY?! WHY does everything always have to end up being about people shunning others, who are different? Everyone talks about NOT hating or excluding people who are different…but then they turn right around and do EXACTLY that. The LGBTQA+ "community" is supposed to be a SAFE PLACE for ALL of us…and yet, now, apparently, the "us" is not…included? I can't be part of that "us," because, what, there's some specific set of requirements I'm meant to fullfil? I'm not asexual enough, because I'm not completely repulsed by sex as a whole, or because I'm a woman, who finds men attractive?

So now, what…it's right back to that mentality of hiding your true identity, because there's nowhere you fit in? Being ostracized because you're not ENOUGH to be part of something that SHOULD be welcoming to you?

Seriously, the world is regressing. Instead of being embraced and accepted for who you are…we get scrutiny, and told we're not good enough to be part of something that is supposed to include us.

So yes, what I'm trying to ACTUALLY say…it's sad and scary and LONELY, to be asexual. It's isolating. Because where we SHOULD be finding support and understanding, we just get hate and scorn. And one would truly think, that in this day and age, that wouldn't happen anymore. But like with everything, people just always have to ruin things for each other.

Because hatred towards people who are different? Will NEVER change. Humanity is still just too fucked up, for that.

#anths-girl posts #on a personal note #asexual #asexuality #ace #aspec #lgbtq community #lgbtq #lgbtqia #lgbtqa+ #queer #sexuality #text #discrimination

[redysetdare]

Thinking Abt how I saw the argument once that "allo" was harmful becuz it put gay people with straight people but like... Surprise, cis also does that. Surprise, trans also does that. Surprise, QUEER also does that!! maybe stop being afraid of the straight boogey man to feul ur aphobia and realize straight can be queer too, just like cis. Y'all don't hear ppl crying Abt cis ppl being in the community lmao becuz that's fucking stupid. You sound stupid.

#text #aro #ace #aroace #aromantic #asexual #aspec #aphobia #queer #ppl r so fucking dumb when they decide to discriminate is2g #they sound like the 'cis is a slur' crowd lmao #bet there is some overlap there #whos afraid of tge big bad straights?

[aroacesafeplaceforall]

TW for (maybe?) assault threat

About your post asking about discrimination for aspec identity... one time a straight guy tried to hit on me, and when I told him I was ace he joked about putting drugs in my drink. I got away before anything worse happened, but still... eugh. I think I have it better than a lot of aspecs because I live in a fairly liberal area, but I still lie that I'm straight and have a boyfriend because that seems to work better than telling people I'm ace.

Oh fuck, honestly people like that should be on a list. I'm glad you got out of there Anon!

Its honestly so sad AFAB (and some AMAB) have to lie and say they are in a relationship to avoid unwanted advances. It happens far to often, even if they aren't ace spec/aro spec and are attracted to the persons gender. I had to do it, I've had friends who had to do it. I don't really know any AFAB who haven't had to. Its so fucked up

Stay safe anon and I hope you know you are always valid and it is your box!!!

#tw assault threat #asexual #ace #daily aspec question answer #daily aspec question #asks #ask #lgbtqia #ace pride #discrimination

[bl33ditout]

feels like half the time they think i'm joking when i say i'm ace. like no we do exist, google it and do your fucking research before you judge. asexuality is just as valid as any other sexuality.

#if you discriminate against aspec and/or promote hate against them i do not have any respect for you. you are very unwelcome here #i won't tolerate hate or ignorance toward my sexuality bye #that goes for any other type of prejudices or discrimination btw. nazis/neo nazis can get the fuck OUT. that will be all #you are extremely unwelcome here #it's bad enough knowing that likeee 8 or 9 outta 10 of my irls wouldn't like me as much if they knew i was aspec #and therefore i have to keep it to myself because god forbid #tw vent

[ily-no-romo]

Explaining you’re a-spec to exclusionists is a catch 22. Either you haven’t experienced any discrimination, harassment, etc so you haven’t been marginalized enough to belong. Or you have experienced something bad related to your orientation so you’re not actually a-spec, you just think you are because of trauma.

Btw we shouldn’t be defining queerness by suffering. And being a-spec isn’t related to trauma.

#sadly much of queer history involves suffering and discrimination #but we want to create a future without that suffering #which can’t be done if you define valid queerness by suffering #asexual #aromantic #aroace #aspec

[dogs-in-a-trenchcoat]

Can't believe I'm still stumbling across exclus in fuckin 2023 im so tired.

#No cops at pride includes exclus (and terfs) #Like who made you the queer police shut the fuck up #Identities aren't toys #People will identify themselves where they belong #Some aspec folks won't identify as queer and that doesn't invalidate those that do #It feels like the diagram of queer folk who accuse others of wrongfully identifying as queer for social cred or whatever #And people who want being queer to be some cool kids club by excluding the people they don't like is a circle #Like it's all fucking projection #You don't know others experiences! You don't know why someone comes to the conclusions they do about their identity and you don't need to! #Like I'm sorry that when I came out as ace my mom called me a sociopath and when I came out as lesbian she said 'oh thank god' #But that's just how it was for me #If being marginalzied/discriminated/hated is the only qualifier for being queer i would literally only qualify on basis of being ace #Because nobody has ever given me any shit about being a butch lesbian #But I have been singled out for being ace I have been called sub human for being ace I have been called mentally ill for being ace #I have had people encourage corrective rape for my asexuality I have had people tell me to get medical intervention for being asexual #But it's a good thing the only qualifier for being queer is to have an identity that falls outside cishetero social norms #Otherwise I wouldn't be allowed to identify as queer as a lesbian if I suddenly wasn't ace anymore until I got hatecrimed oh no

[codthefishgod]

Hey, I've been coming across a lot of discriminatory stuff lately (i.e. sexism, aphobia) and while it is probably just me, I'll put this out into the world for anyone else who needs to hear it, because I do.

What we're doing is not hopeless. There are other people out there still fighting the good fight. We're not alone in anything we do, and for as long as there are people protesting against our existence, there will be others standing besides us. Stay hopeful, it's never impossible.

#lgbtq #gay #discrimination #stop discriminating #ace rights #aro rights #aspec rights #lgbtq+ rights #poc rights #womens rights #sexism #sexism goes both ways #racism #aphobia #homophobia #transphobia #keep fighting #keep fighting the good fight #our rights

[mango-meister]

A good intro to the vast yet rarely talked about history of asexuality.

#it’s been written about along with the rest of the lgbt+ identities in the 1800s #people just haven’t ever learned about it #a large reason for discrimination is thought to be a lack of information or misinformation #a lack of understanding #it’s cool to learn about #ace #asexuality #asexual #aspec #Acespec

[radicalqueermusings]

The Real Consequences of Exclusion

Content Warning: acemisia, acephobia, correctional rape, suicidal ideations, forced marriage, conversion therapy

On April 6, Yasmin Benoit, a prominent figure in both the Asexual and Aromantic communities, wrote an article detailing the story of a woman she calls Jade. Her name has been changed for her safety and privacy. Jade is a Algerian woman who is a asexual and sex repulsed. She fled her country in order to escape a possible forced marriage, arranged by her parents, and correctional rape.

Her story is like many asexual people's in that she discovered her asexuality during a time when she became highly aware of how fixated her peers were around sex and sexuality. When she moved to the US for university, she began to feel ostracised [sic] by the hyper-sexualized setting (Benoit, 2023). This kind of environment can be very alienating for those who experience little to no sexual attraction and those who feel any sort of repulsion and/or aversion towards sex and sexuality. It becomes clear that these feelings are not that of the majority.

"I first thought my lack of interest in sex was due to the taboo around the subject that I was raised with, but I quickly came to realise [sic] that this was not the case, as even friends who shared similar backgrounds to mine seemed to experience sexual attraction.” (Benoit, 2023)

When she attempted to tell her family about her sexuality, her sister called her weird and her mother suggested for therapy in order to fix her (Benoit, 2023). Later on in the article, it states that according to the National LGBT Survey 2018, that due to asexuality being a medicalized disorder, asexual people were 10 times more likely to be offered to undergo conversion therapy than other orientations (Benoit, 2023).

The looming threat of forced marriage, correctional rape, and, later on, forced pregnancy, was too much for Jade. At one point she considered committing suicide (Benoit, 2023). She had not given up yet as she went on to seek out ways to seek asylum in another country. The struggle came with her identity as an asexual woman.

When Jade tried to seek asylum in the Netherlands, she learned that according to the Dutch Council State, asexual people could not be included in the LGBT applicants because asexuality was "not punishable" in Algeria. In the UK, asexuality was not considered a sexual orientation under the Equality Act 2010. In the US, any potential possibilities did not lead anywhere (Benoit, 2023). In the end, she went to Ireland where she was able to secure a full time job. Her full story in Pink News.

Asexuality has been a contested part of the LGBTQIA2S+ community for years. Even now there are still people who view asexual people as "basically straight". Even though that straight people have always been a part of the community. This descriptor of asexuality as "basically straight" fundamentally misunderstands what asexuality is and the separation between sexual and romantic orientations.

Asexuality is when someone experiences little to no sexual attraction, conditional attraction, attraction without need for reciprocation, amongst other atypical forms of sexual attraction. There are asexual people who are heteroromantic, homoromantic, biromantic, panromantic, aromantic, and so on and so forth. Asexuality on its own is enough to put someone within the community. Heteroromantic asexual people are part of the community regardless of what people may say. Their asexuality is enough.

Some exclusionists make room for non-heteroromantic asexuals into the community, but that sends a very clear message that they feel that asexuality is conditionally queer. They are also giving a great deal of power to heteroromanticism. It is so powerful that it would negate a person's asexuality and deem them "unworthy" of being in the community. Of course, this is not true. It's is also not true for other straight people within the community such as straight trans and nonbinary people, straight intersex people, straight aromantic people, etc.

What exclusion looks like when it comes to real life situations, and not just in online spaces, is a story like Jade's. If asexuality had been included as a part of the LGBTQIA2S+ community, she wouldn't have had to wait a year and a half in order to finally leave her country. She would have allowed to apply for asylum and receive protection. This kind of exclusion affects monosexual lesbians and bisexual women as well.

These conversations do not merely exist in a bubble. They have real world consequences. Both within the LGBTQIA2S+ and outside of it, asexual people need to recognized as members of the community. They should receive representation, have access to necessary resources and receive protection under the law.

Source:

Benoit, Yasmin, 2023. Asexual woman fled home over forced marriage and ‘corrective rape’ threats. Pink News. May 5, 2023.

#asexuality #asexual #aspec #refugee #forced marriage #conversion therapy #acemisia #discrimination

[supplimental]

gritting my teeth fingers clawed into my thighs in a death grip reciting I wont listen to the Penumbra Podcast again to see if it gets better I wont listen to the Penumbra Podcast again to see if it gets better I w

#tpp #like on one hand! I appreciate the genre. I think the story itself is overall well made. they have an acting & production style that is so #cool to see in podcasts #and of course thank u for the queer characters #however. Constant egregious reminder that when most queer artists are making a 'queerphobia free setting' they are not thinking about aspecs #like at all #last time I listened it was like ok cool you have 2 aroace characters over the entire run so far #no background characters who r casually aspec #and both of them are Extremely stereotyped #but beyond that it's just. you realize you need to do the fucking work for the structural aspects of aphobia like you did for other #queer discrimination? #and I realize that for aro stuff in particular this can be tricky because it's so inherently tied to capitalism #but you can at least Acknowledge that this is the case. instead of completely ignoring it #(the silt verses did a good job of that approach btw) #and that's not even getting into other issues like how they portray trans women or schizophrenic ppl #or the thing where they use autistic traits for quirky 1 dimensional character jokes. which tbf is fairly common in certain media. but they #did this While talking about how they were flipping the trope of doing The Same Thing with depression on its head and stressing that as one #of their main things #like idk man I don't tend to declare shows as Problematique or turn my issue with one aspect into 'this whole show is riddled with bad stuff #but each of these are Genuinely issues in my opinion and they dropped the ball each time w/o seeming to notice #like some of these require. Basic amounts of research to Not Do. like portraying schizophrenic ppl as violent and doing violence because of #their psychosis #Or Not portraying every transfemme as predatory or violent #like the writers are definitely coming from a background of 'own the stereotypes by turning them into part of a fully realized person' #and they've found great success and freedom in doing that with a slutty depressed bisexual n charming homme fatale gay man that are also #well-rounded human characters #but when you are applying that logic to minorities you do not belong to. you need to use the utmost care if you're doing it At All #otherwise instead of subverting the thing you are just Doing The Thing #anyways i just. needed to get that out of my system. thanks for reading

[lesbian-choso]

While I do find a lot of queer discourse stupid, I hope queer exclusionists realise the pattern they’re falling into when they’re being discriminatory towards a particular identity and calling other people that care “terminally online”. You’re just regurgitating the same talking points that bigots used against your identity, calling you a “sensitive snowflake” for caring—so long as someone is queer they will face discrimination, and debating about who belongs, who actually suffers, etc, isn’t going to lead us towards anything good. Anyways tl;dr: you suckers are becoming the people you hate.

#it’s actually hilarious when ppl have all these shitty discourse takes because they’ll never actually say it in a public queer space since #they know they’ll get shit for it. like please just tell me from the get go that you don’t think aspec ppl experience discrimination so i #know that you’re a waste of oxygen. please and thank you. either go educate yourself or let ppl know to not be around you

[kiwinatorwaffles]

when i vent about how shipping culture and romance in media has led to aspec discrimination and a corrosion of friendship in real life some people respond to it with "well you're aspec and dislike to ship however i'm allo and it's a part of me to like shipping" they literally miss my point. i don't dislike ships. i have a few ships myself. it's completely valid to enjoy these aspects as a personal preference. i dislike shipping CULTURE and the insistence that everything must be romantic/sexual.

amanormativity is the reason why friendships in real life are treated as inherently lesser than a romantic relationship. it's why people get made fun of for being virgins when everyone should just mind their damn business. and it reflects hard in the fandom preference for everything ship-related and pushing aside anything else. also saying it's inherently allo to ship sounds really fucking amanormative to me but what can i say

#aphobia #kiwi’s aspec posting #aspec #i could say a lot about storytelling and media literacy but i feel like that's a little out of my league #like shoving characters into tropes and turning them into blank dolls to kiss type stuff #someone smarter and a little less afraid of discourse can do it instead

[aroacesafeplaceforall]

Misconceptions about being Arospec/acespec

from here I present a shorter version, please do read the full one!

Asexuality is not:

a medical condition

a choice

celibacy/chastity

waiting (for marriage, or true love, or the right person)

something that can be changed by the right person

... and much more!

Aspec people may or may not:

Want to date

Want to get married

Want to have kids

... and much more!

Aros may or may not:

Have been in romantic relationships in the past

Enjoy consuming romantic media

Have had traumatic experiences from romance or romantic relationships

... and much more!

Aces may or may not:

Have had sex before

Enjoy sex

Be curious about sex

Masturbate

... and much more!

Aspec people do:

Face discrimination, known as acephobia or aphobia, including microaggressions, workplace discrimination, and even corrective rape.

Examples of Micro-aggressions

“You should feel flattered by unwanted attention”

“There is no love without sex”

“That’s not real” or “You’re lying”

“But how do you know if you haven’t tried sex”

“I bet I can change that”

“Romantic love is what makes us human”

“There’s something wrong with you”

Being called cold, emotionless, robots, or inhuman

And so much more of this bullshit.

#aromantic #asexual #aroace #aro #ace #aro pride #ace pride #pride #lgbtqia