#because I want back who she used to be so badly

[staryuee]

HOW THEY REACT TO YOUR SILENT TREATMENT.

꒰warnings꒱ not proofread … sigh

⠀꒲ ` synopsis . . . you and your partner are having a “cooling down period”, a time of détente, after a recent argument. how do they deal with the lack of love from you?

⠀꒲ ` characters . . . diluc, eula, wanderer, ayato, gorou, tartaglia, lyney, wriothesley, neuvillette, arlecchino

⠀꒲ ` notes . . . as a psychology student ☝️🤓 i can safely say that the silent treatment is usually frowned upon due to its connotations with emotional abuse, therefore i tried my best to make it apparent that this sort of silence is within the boundaries of the relationship ( ･᷄ὢ･᷅ ) please communicate with your loved ones if you feel a certain way :)

you and your beloved recently had a pretty bad argument. out of respect for both of your feelings you both decided to have a period of détente to allow a gradual recovery of your emotions and logical reasonings.

there was no need to argue, and there was also no need to be hostile or petty; therefore your silent treatment wasn’t a way to maliciously gain control or make your lover come running back to you, it was a way for both of you to regain composure and come back to the topic when prepared.

that did unfortunately, lead to much less affectionate gestures from both of you. of course there was still the casual “i love you” every morning and night accompanied by a simple kiss, but it never went anything beyond that.

while your lover fully knew why this sort of peaceful coexistence was necessary, sometimes it’s sincerely difficult to not just reach out and kiss you breathless.

you’re so close yet so far, it’s unbearable.

R. DILUC — 迪卢克

master diluc has been rather restless lately.

constant muttering to himself, plucking the dried up skin that stuck out from his badly bitten lips, his gloved hands constantly scratching a non existent scratch; honestly, if the fellow residents of dawn winery didn’t know any better they’d think he was possessed and required an immediate exorcist.

adelinde refuses to see her precious baby sink his eyes into ruin purely because he’s out secretly patrolling once he wakes up in the middle of the night to clear his head. you’re always there with him throughout the night: but why does it still feel so empty regardless?

WHO APOLOGISES FIRST ?

diluc is no pushover or people pleaser; if you were guilty, then you’re guilty and he’ll wait all the time in the world till you eventually own up and apologise (please let that come sooner or later though otherwise he’ll give into ruin and sip alcohol for a breather). otherwise, if its his fault, or no ones and it was a mere misunderstanding, the silent treatment lasts for a day. not any longer not any less; he doesn’t allow it to.

he’s more than happy to wait forever for you but gods if he ever made a mistake that accidentally led you to elongating this supposed transient silence till the end of time, diluc would much rather swallow his pride and give his all to you. you’re worth more than pettiness, and he’ll prove that to you once you wake up and get greeted with all your favourite luxuries and a bright, relieved smile on his face.

EULA — 优菈

you’re beyond delusion if you think this woman won’t turn this into a healthy-ish competition of sorts.

you wish to avoid her for days on end? she’s already used to the world avoiding her mere gaze, she can withstand the somber feeling of having the one person who’s fully understood her as the complex person she is self-isolating from her for a little while.

never mind, no, she literally can’t. come back to her right now. we have problem right? lets talk about it, isn’t that what you taught her in the first place? what do you mean you need a break and want to clear your head for a while to not hurt her feelings? you think eula of all people cares about something like that?

she’d rather you spit at her than withstand another hour of this mindless nonsense.

WHO APOLOGISES FIRST?

she doesn’t apologise unless she sees whatever caused this perilous argument in the first place truly hurt you and you ended up in tears; otherwise whats the use in pointless words when you can easily hug it out and call it a day?

she lets you apologise under the guise of “if you don’t, my vengeance towards you will be greater than my foes”, but in reality? eula is hardly paying any attention to the words slipping past your lips. all she’s thinking about is how she’ll be able to shake off this uneasy tension that’s somehow been created between you two.

WANDERER — 流浪者

you can’t tell which one of you needed this little breather more, after all, you’d hope scara would allow himself to soften after distancing from you after a while, and scara hoped you’d see reason within your argument and eventually, as always, forgive him.

but forgiveness is a two way straight in the way most people subconsciously ignore; does he and could he ever forgive himself? that image of your teary eyed face, the harsh puffs of breath you heaved to prevent any more molten venom to burn his plastic skin, the slight clenching of your jaw, fuck it hurt.

he couldn’t admit it at the time, but right now after being forcefully peeled away from you for about week and forcing auntie nahida to listen to his venting rambles? he wished he just gave it all up and did something: anything at all. kissed you, hugged you, consoled you, swiped your tears away with his thumbs, fluttered his eyelashes on your cheek gently as he whispered an i love you.

yet all he could do right now was wait.

wait until you hopefully came back, he couldn’t face you. if you abandoned him he’d deal with it. the petals on the floor and the hushed whispers of “they love me, they love me not” are just hallucinations from his worried caregiver, he swears.

WHO APOLOGISES FIRST?

never would he stoop so low as to apologise.

verbally. that is. if he’s aware that he’s in the wrong (believe me that look on your face does wonders for trying to figure out whats on your mind) he’ll begrudgingly come up with some covert way of making it up to you. he doesn’t want to be stuck in this immortalised silence forever; believe me, he likes your talking more than he realises and this little test trial of abandonment was more than enough proof that your existence within his life is essential.

if you’re not there standing by his side, what even is the point in that fraudulent pacemaker of his? your laughter is in the same shape of his heartbeat; if you’re not here, he’s just back to being that dumb little puppet cuddled ashore in the slim darkness of the night.

K. AYATO — 神里绫人

bile builds up in ayato’s throat, eyes threatening to spill hazardous tears on his paperwork. he HATES being away from you. yes, you’ll be back comfortably in his arms with a kiss on your forehead soon…but time isn’t making that “soon” come any quicker and it’s killing him.

‘silence’ is only the act of not speaking, right? so he’s technically allowed to sneak in pastries onto your desk when you’ve gone to take a break — he’s also most certainly allowed to write down his frustrations about not being able to be overly affectionate with you and then pitifully sliding them under your door in hopes you’ll read them and maybe write one back.

WHO APOLOGISES FIRST?

he desperately tries to convince himself that if he works long enough, he’ll forget the hollowing feeling in his heart that’s left in the silhouette of you. he puts down his calligraphy pen with an exasperated sigh, rubbing his temples with rough motions as if to completely rid himself of any lingering thought of you.

that’ll never work, and ayato thinks you two have calmed down enough so therefore he trudged his way into your room, knocking of course, and sat down with you for a lengthy but beneficial conversation.

without a doubt, ayato will be the one to apologise first. whether it’s a conscious decision or not completely depends on how long he’s been away from you; at some point you just fall back into regular routine completely by accident.

GOROU — 五郎

he’s glad you’ve decided to take this sort of approach to your relationship instead of having a painful battle of the wits with him but right now, he’d withstand a thousand hours of scolding than the way his fellow soldiers worryingly clutter around their little general and ask about his well-being purely because those furry ears atop his bundle of bed hair decided to stay drooped down all week.

but he can’t help it! he’s utterly miserable! you didn’t even give him your complimentary “good morning, have fun at work, be safe” kiss before he left the door in the static quiet of your abode. to top this torture off? you haven’t pet him once, and while he’d normally revel in not being treated like an actual lap dog…you’re a huge exception in that rule!

unfortunately, it’s not like he can just outright demand attention from you merely because he’s feeling a bit down on his luck. you asked for peace, he’ll give it to you. he’s a war veteran but treats you like a flower thats sprouted on a ruined patch of sand.

ehem, but please come back to him soon. please?

WHO APOLOGISES FIRST?

whatever it takes to get your pretty hand to ruffle through his brunette locks he’ll do, he doesn’t care if the apology consists of him kneeling down on pitifully shaking his head near your thigh with his lips puckered into a pout. shame doesn’t exist within your relationship right? he’s more than willing to apologise first regardless of who was to blame.

if the argument was a little more serious however, he’ll sit down you on your couch that holds so many sweet significant memories within your mind, his head resting atop your collarbone and tail sneakily swishing from side to side now that your heartbeat was so clear to him. he’ll hear you out, talk through it, but more importantly, love and appreciate you.

TARTAGLIA — 公子

nuh uh. you think you’re getting silence with someone like him around? unless one or both of you fucked up really bad, tartaglia can’t see the point in silent ignorance; if you want to ignore him to personally calm down? sure, do whatever you want honey, you’re still getting treated like the other piece of his heart that you are.

if you’re genuinely annoyed he can leave you alone…for maybe two hours thirty minutes max. he loves you so much, talk to him, he doesn’t care if you insult him out of anger, lash out at him if you must. so long as you return into his arms so he can sway you around within his tender embrace and pepper your face with kisses, he’ll be more than happy and satisfied.

WHO APOLOGISES FIRST?

him all day — call it the big brother complex with having to always apologise first whenever he got into a slight squabble or disagreement with his siblings when he were younger, or call it pure unadulterated love for you and the refusal to continue with this pointless staring battles whenever you guys were sitting across from each other.

whatever it is, just know he takes your feelings seriously regardless of the teasing grin across his face when you try not to squirm from the way his hand traveled from across your waist to the slither of exposed stomach. he just wants to assure you that his love won’t ever fade even if it becomes so deliberately one sided. he’s yours, after all.

LYNEY — 林尼

he’s used to eerie silence that bellowed icy winds against his ears, used to the tension that forced out his fight or flight response, but currently all he could do was freeze and overthink. how come this silence seemed so much more deafening than usual?

lyney doesn’t want this worse than capital punishment torture to continue without at least the slightest bit of laughter mingled into both of your days; he tries his best to curve your lips to even the slightest twenty degree lift using whatever he could. silly little flower reappearing trick there, a sneaky kiss to the side of your neck here; just any fleeting desperate attempt for some reciprocation on your part.

WHO APOLOGISES FIRST?

lyney’s used to apologising first given his experiences within the house of hearth and the father herself. so imagine his surprise when you both incidentally stammer over one another as you two splutter apologies helplessly. god he’s so happy your relationship is built open gushes of giggles instead of the splats of tears because if it weren’t for that cute little accident? lyney was sure the second you opened your lovely lips to speak he would’ve teared up.

he missed that voice telling him constant i love yous, the affectionate cradling of his face against your neck and the way you wouldn’t hesitate to hold his flushed face within your cooling hands to comfort him after a particularly stress inducing performance.

WRIOTHESLEY — 莱欧斯利

you left the conversation with an “i love you.” so he knows that you’ll come back to him.

however, the last time he blindly trusted the comforting words of a loved one, it ended with blood on his hands and a lengthy sentence at the fortress of meropide. luckily for his heart and your own, he knows your charms and honeyed words aren’t for show and truly mean something.

wriothesley respects your boundaries and wishes to the t, he won’t speak to you like nothing at all happened but that doesn’t mean he won’t be overly cautious when it comes to your behavioural patterns. if he notices this sentence of silence is clearly taking its toll on you, he will, with no hesitation, talk everything out with you.

WHO APOLOGISES FIRST?

depending on the argument, he’ll apologise first. if it’s rather undeniable that you were the one in the wrong however, he’ll explain his feelings thoroughly until you apologise — the standard. he doesn’t want this silence to end till the fortress of meropide overflows with primordial water so once you see multiple guards on your case more than ever, just know he’d like to talk to you.

NEUVILLETTE — 那维莱特

fontaine has been drenched in rain for the past couple of days. every hour, every minute, every second neuvillette spends alone in his office makes him realise just how grand and solemn it is. everything is so mundane and banal…even the cheerful mutters and chatters of the sweet melusines couldn’t bring a smile to his face — much to the dismay of the little sigewinne who even so kindly brought him a cake to cheer him up…

what makes it even worse is that everything reminds him of you…and oh god the muddied clouds have once again been cursed with rain. this unquenchable thirst for your presence cannot be ignored by a mere sip from his intricate cup and being the ever so carefully mindful iudex, neuvillette sees it more than fit to call this hopeless game of silence to quits.

WHO APOLOGISES FIRST?

regardless of who’s in the wrong, neuvillette apologises first. he’s sorry for letting this go so far, he should’ve just trusted his gut and returned to your side even if it meant having to persuade you with his clever tongue or the coiling of his draconic tail around your leg to pull you sweetly closer.

honestly, if he could, he’d make this a punishment in the fortress of meropide for every couple. you committed a petty, technically non offensive crime? well instead of doing some charity work for the city, you’re not allowed by the side of your beloved for a few weeks.

ARLECCHINO — 阿蕾奇诺

a bunny within the jaws of a spring locked beast thinking it can persuade the tides in their favour with silence? arlecchino is amused you’d think such cheap tomfoolery would work to solve through your problems.

“darling, come here,” she taps her lap with her blood-stained nail, her eyes looking up at you greedily to soak up every single jitter of your movements as you alas fall onto your rightful throne, “my dumb bunny,” arlecchino coos at you with that devilishly low hum of her voice. “do you think the phrases ignorance is bliss, distance brings fondness, truly work within our relationship?”

arlecchino painfully grasps at your waist, that grip only loosening once you comfortably situate yourself on her thighs and lace your arms around her neck per routine. “i’d expect this behaviour from my children at the house of hearth, not you, angel.” she nibbles on your earlobe deliberately, forcing your lips to part just the way she likes. that perfect look of both surprise and desire; it’s a gorgeous display of your vulnerability.

“explain to me your problems, or else we can be at this forever.”

no such thing as the silent treatment when the very epitome of a wordless shadow has betrothed you.

©STARYUEE do not copy, steal or repost ♡ ᴜsᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ʙᴇ ɪʜᴇᴀʀᴛɢᴀɴʏᴜ

#some quick drabbles bc i’ve got exams and coursework to do ;( #on hiatus till june 15! <3 love you lots muah take care of yourselves please 💗 #genshin x reader #genshin x gnreader #genshin x you #genshin x gn!reader #gi x reader #genshin #diluc x reader #eula x reader #wanderer x reader #scara x reader #scaramouche x reader #ayato x reader #gorou x reader #tartaglia x reader #lyney x reader #wriothesley x reader #neuvillette x reader #arlecchino x reader

[munsonsmixtapes]

Heyyy first time requesting was wondering if you could do smth where reader accidentally gives Eddie a black eye by making her jump. She's obviously sorry. But him, the boys and Wayne find it funny. Don't know if you don't wanna, obviously <3

This actually so funny to think about lmao

Eddie x fem!reader

Spending late nights at your apartment always scared you. Every time that Eddie wasn’t able to sleep over, you could barely sleep. You couldn’t because all you could think about was someone breaking in and causing you harm.

Tonight was no different. You stared at your bedroom door, terrified once you had heard a noise that had stirred you. You were afraid to get out of bed and come face to face with whoever had broken in.

You eyed the baseball bat that Steve had gifted you as a housewarming gift, the thing looking tempting to finally use. You had never had an intruder until just then and you wanted them to know that they wouldn’t get away with it.

The knob of the door jingled and you stood from your bed, putting your fists up, getting ready to punch whoever was on the other side. You had never thrown a punch before, but there was a first time for everything.

You were sure that Eddie would have been proud of you if he had been there. He was a big baby most of the time, but when it came to protecting you, he’d step up, no matter how afraid he was. He would do anything to keep his girl safe.

The door slowly opened and before you could register what was happening, you punched the intruder in the face, causing them to stumble backwards. They let out a groan and you turned on the overhead light, letting out a gasp as you realized that it was your boyfriend.

“Eddie, what the fuck?” You stepped over to him, grabbing onto his arms to get a look at his eye where you had punched. You pulled him into your room to get a good look at it even though you knew that it was going to bruise pretty badly.

“I’m sorry. I texted you that I was coming over and you sent me the thumbs up emoji. I used my key since I figured you were asleep.” Now you remembered. You were usually prone to wake up from your phone buzzing and text him back half asleep, having no recollection afterwards. “Didn’t know I was going to get a shiner,” he grumbled.

“I’ll make it up to you.” You pulled him into your arms, stroking his hair, knowing that he loved to be babied.

“I think I’m gonna need some kisses in return.”

“I am more than happy to make that happen.” You pressed your lips to his, deepening it by swiping your tongue along his bottom lip and he opened up, letting you inside. You then pushed him back onto you bed, ready to repay him for the pain you caused.

-

The two of you joined Wayne and the boys for breakfast the next morning like you did every Saturday and they all gasped once they caught sight of Eddie’s eye. You had suggested that he wear sunglasses to cover it up, but he insisted that he was okay without them. He told you that he thought it made him feel cool.

“What happened now, boy. Was it one of those kids who keeps pestering you?” Wayne asked as he stood up from the table, taking Eddie’s face gently in his hands, wanting to get a better look at the injury.

“No,” Eddie shook his head. “It’s nothing.”

“Did y/n finally get sick of your shit and pop you one?” Gareth joked and Eddie just glared. They both knew that you’d never hurt him on purpose.

“No,” Eddie sat down at the table and you took the chair next to him. “She punched me because she thought I was an intruder.” At that, the whole table erupted in laughter, the two of you sharing looks, wondering what was so damn funny.

“That’s good,” Jeff cackled, grabbing hold of his stomach.

The rest of breakfast was spent making jokes about Eddie’s black eye and how you had been the ones to cause it. Everyone had especially thought it was hilarious because it was an accident, knowing that you would have never been able to do it on purpose. You wouldn’t have hurt a fly.

Just from the conversation, you and Eddie both knew that neither of you would have been able to live it down. You knew that the four of them would still bring up the incident for years to come, making jabs here and there, thinking that it was the funniest thing while you and Eddie just rolled your eyes. Maybe next time he’s think twice before using the key you gave him.

#stranger things #eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie x y/n #eddie munson x you #eddie munson smut #eddie munson x fem!reader #eddie munson fluff

[auteurdelabre]

AS LONG AS YOU WANT (Part 3 - FINAL) Joel!Miller x f!Reader

chapter summary: The truth comes out

tags: enemies to lovers, miscommunication trope, fluff, HEA

a/n: This shit is fluffy AF y'all. A little love letter to the sweetheart that sent me a donation (I won't name ya unless you want me to!) that really touched me. I think it's a fitting finale to our sweet little story that all began as a gift to my heart @katiexpunk.

series masterlist here

AS LONG AS YOU WANT PART III

The next morning the door is pushed open without so much as a knock. You're elevated on your back, feeling every touch of pain that crackles along your body. Your head is throbbing and you need to pee so badly it hurts. 

"Who is it?"

"Me," a young voice replies, accompanied by the sound of boots being kicked off and a jacket being hung over a chair. 

"Come in," you call. "I'd offer you a drink but I can barely fucking move."

"Yeah, I heard."

Your eyes go to the door frame to see Ellie entering with an armful of snow-flicked books. Her cheeks are pink from the cold. 

"What are you doing here?"

"Joel sent me," Ellie explains, pulling the chair next to your bed so you can look at her easier. "Wanted me to drop this off."

She places a gently clattering container of pain pills on your bedside table. You hold in a growl of irritation.

"I don't need those."

"Joel says that if you say that then I'm supposed to tell you that he's already gone today to get the Teton Village medicine so you can take these ones now."

Joel went on patrols in this weather? You can see the blustery day from your bedroom window, can hear the strong winds on your roof. Your face contorts into a confused scowl. 

"But the s-"

"He also says for me to remind you that he's a good rider," Ellie says imitating his deep rasp, amusement in her young teenage face. "And that he knows how to handle the fuckin' snow."

Ellie smiles broadly, amused at your momentarily awed reaction. 

You scoff. "Anything else?"

"Yeah," Ellie smiles. "He says not to miss his handsome face too much while he's gone."

You feel a heat go to your cheeks as you pretend to laugh along with her. His voice echoes in your mind. 

You think I'm handsome?

Ellie hands you one of the pills from the bottle. You take it reluctantly, swallowing it dry. 

When the pain ebbs slightly a short while later Ellie helps you to a standing position so you can use the toilet. You decide to shower yourself up the best you can before returning to the bedroom. Ellie is just finished changing your sheets. 

Gratitude for both her and Joel sears through you. That they would go to all of this trouble for just you. 

Wrapped in a fuzzy towel you pad over to the dresser. You pull on a nightdress over the towel before dropping it down to the floor, drying your feet. You think about crouching down to pick it up but you can't chance it. Just the thought makes your side ache. 

Your attention is drawn to the pile of books she's emptied from her bag and heaved onto the bedside table. 

"What're those?"

“You’ve never seen books before?”

“Ha ha,” you mock drolly rolling your eyes.

“They’re from our place," Ellie tells you before bringing them over. "Joel thought you'd want some new reading material."

Something slithers through your body at this comment. Joel is being so thoughtful, remembering things about you and he’s going to all this effort... But why? Was it just for you? And if it was, how do you feel about it?

You let yourself search your body and brain for a reaction and are surprised because You feel... Warm about it.

That's probably just the medication.

When you come back to stand next to the bed Ellie gives you a scan.

"You okay?"

"Yup," you say happily. "Just feeling good."

"Oh yeah?" Ellie holds in a laugh. She watches you roll awkwardly back into the bed, eyes glazed. 

"Thanks for doing this Ellie. The books and pills and my bed and everything."

"Joel would be upset if I didn't," Ellie admits, moving the pillows under you until you're half seated. She darts a glance at you. "He cares a lot about you, you know."

"Mhm," you offer noncommittal. You're feeling that same loopy sensation from before. The one that has you feeling loving towards everyone. "I care about him too."

"Really?" Ellie sounds surprised. 

"I think he's so handsome. And his mouth is so soft, Ellie. I wanna kiss him all the time."

"Gross," Ellie is trying not to laugh at your obviously drugged state. "I thought you two couldn't stand each other? You're always starting in on each other when I see you."

"He's annoying," you say with a pout. "But he's good inside. He just hides it." 

"Oh yeah?" Ellie is tilted back in her chair secretly screaming in amusement. She's known you for over a year and never gotten so much as a hint of your affection for Joel. 

But now that she thinks about it though it all seems so obvious. The way the two of you always seem to find one another in a crowd, even if it is just to argue. The way Joel gets up extra early on patrol days and uses extra shampoo. The way you both go pink in the cheeks when you have a disagreement, eyes flashing. 

How didn't she see it before now? 

Her surrogate father figure means a lot to her. He always has and always will. She wants him to be happy. She thinks about the two of you together and it brings a grin to her chapped lips. 

"What's your favorite thing about Joel?"

She pulls the sheet up to your waist, amused at the dreamy look that's taken over your features. 

"How well he takes care of things. Like, how he takes care of you and the horses and the community," you're slurring now. "He's got such a big heart." 

"He does," Ellie agrees, thankful that it's not just her who knows it. 

"I think about him all the time," you murmur, head tilting against the pillow. "But I try not to."

Ellie finds her amusement giving way to something deeper as she watches you fall into a medicated sleep. But not before you seem to momentarily come back to yourself. 

"Don't tell him," your drugged self begs slowly. "He can't know. He doesn't see me like that." 

///

Ellie drops by every day with food and to help you out of bed when you need it. You're doing much better however, and a lot of that is in thanks to the pills. They make it possible for you to sleep without waking. 

Gemma also returns daily to check up on you, thankful that you're taking the pills and sleeping. 

Your body begins to mend and soon you don't need the pills at all. You keep them right there on your bedside table just in case. But you plan on returning then to Gemma when you're completely healed up. 

After a week you're able to get to the washroom independently without doubling over. You're able to shower and to wash your hair. 

Joel doesn't stop by. 

By week three Gemma is only visiting every couple of days to ensure that you're healing properly. Ellie comes by with food daily but she doesn't stay long as she's started helping in the community garden after school. 

And in all this time your thoughts draw to Joel. His eyes when he looked at you over his whiskey glass, the curve of his smirk, his finger in your mouth. All of these jumble up in your mind leaving you irritable and confused.

You'd almost convinced yourself he liked you. Almost could have believed that there was a mutual attraction underneath the bickering. 

He went and got the medication didn't he? Wasn't that something? 

But maybe it hadn't been for your benefit. Joel feels similar to you about the community of Jackson. Putting it first before your own interests. Maybe that's why he headed out in a snowstorm. 

Probably. 

Because he hasn't been by to see you since that night. You don't blame him - it's not like you're friends. You're patrol partners and he felt responsible to see you didn't die that day in the stables. 

It shouldn't bother you that he hasn't come by since. 

But it does. 

///

Week four is when you feel good enough to go out for short walks. You decide to get food from the dining hall. The pain is fairly minimal, but you're breathing is a bit labored. 

It takes you three times as long to get there but you feel very proud of yourself. Folks greet you, but politely. You don't know many of the people that live here; you've always been more of a hermit. 

Ellie spots you when you shuffle towards the drinks station and she waves you over. 

You slowly make your way to their end of the table, shooting a wan smile that Ellie returns. Joel meanwhile has his head facing down to his meal, his countenance withdrawn. 

"Come eat with us," Ellie insists. 

"Not really up to it today," you confess. "Was kinda just trying to stretch my legs and grab something to take back. Give you a break from having to bring me food every day."

"I don't mind," Ellie shrugs. "I like feeling useful."

Joel is studiously ignoring you, his eyes on his plate. You don't know why but this upsets you. Joel is always finding some way to tease you or throw a sarcastic comment your way. But right now he's so quiet, so still. 

"Well I appreciate what you've done for me," you say, tucking the sandwich into your pocket. "Both of you."

Joel feels himself straighten, his heart picking up speed, his entire body prickling at your nearness. He can smell your soap, see the way your face looks so much healthier now that you've been getting regular sleep. 

"No problem," Ellie replies. She shoots Joel a look before kicking his shin under the table. By the time he gets what she's trying to communicate you're already gone. 

///

"She told me," Ellie says to Joel for the twentieth time that morning. The two of them walk over the frost covered landscape. 

Ellie has finally told Joel about your confession. She shouldn't have betrayed your privacy but seeing the two of you walking around so oblivious is frustrating to Ellie.  

"She was high as a kite," Joel mumbles, unable to look at her. 

"So?"

"She didn't mean it."

"She did so," Ellie insists. "She likes you Joel. Thinks you're handsome and kind and-"

"Ellie just drop it," Joel throws over his shoulder. 

He doesn't want to nurse this pathetic crush of his anymore. It doesn't matter what you say when you're on medication. In the cold light of day you don't want him and that's fine. He's been single a long time. 

And yet...

When his walk with Ellie ends and he starts up the stairs of the porch to head inside his house something tugs at him. It makes him mumble to Ellie about grabbing something from the shop, ignoring the knowing smirk on her face. 

It tugs him hastily towards your home, to your front door and when you invite whomever is outside in, it tugs him by the collar to stand beside your bed watching you place a mug of tea down on your bedside table. 

He takes in the nightdress you wear, the dark under your eyes. He sees the blanket pulled up to your collar, looking cozy and warm. Somehow that thought turns him on more than he can explain, just knowing your skin would be warm and soft and…

"Hey, everything okay, Miller?" Your eyes scan his face as he stares at you without speaking. "You seem... Weird."

Joel swallows a scowl. This is what he rushed over here for? This was the woman who really really liked him according to Ellie?

I'm a fuckin' idiot. 

"Yeah I'm fine. Just... Checkin' in on you."

"Oh." You seem surprised at this, smiling faintly. "Yeah, well, I'm getting there. I feel pretty good most days."

"S'good," Joel nods, shuffling slightly. And he means it, he is really glad that you're okay. It makes the coil of rope around his heart go slack. As if now he can properly breathe. His hands go into his jean pockets and he clears his throat awkwardly.

"You went to a lot of effort," you tell him, feeling shy. "Before. With the medication.'

Was it for me? 

"Yeah, well, we needed more meds," Joel reasons, unable to look you in the face. "And I had nothin' better to do."

Of course it wasn't for me. 

You're so stupid thinking that there was anything there. You want to shake yourself silly for thinking that there was any chance Joel Miller sees you as anything more than an annoyance. 

"Right, yeah." You sigh softly. "Well, thank you. I got a few days of really good sleep, managed the pain. Couldn't have done that without your help."

Joel makes a small grunt of acknowledgement in return. 

He doesn't want to stick around too much longer. He feels awkward enough knowing that in the sober light of day you want nothing to do with him. It's made worse knowing that he so easily and readily would have opened his heart if you had given only the slightest indication today. 

"Well, get better soon," he mumbles. "Patrols need as many people as possible." 

You try not to look deflated. Everything he’s saying today hits you like a punch to the gut. You give a weak smile, nodding up at him.

"Right."

"I'll send Ellie by with some more books next week if you want." He motions to the books scattered on your bed, some dog-eared, many finished. 

"You'll probably be done with all these by then." 

You want to deny this offer, not wanting anything more from him. But he's correct, you read quickly and these books will surely be done by next week.

"That would be nice, thanks." 

He gives a short raise of his fingers before he's turned and preparing to walk out the door into the chill of the day. 

"Joel?"

He stills mid-step at the sound of your voice. He turns, hearing you tentatively approach him. He's surprised to see you out of the bed, bare feet padding over to him. You’re wearing a thin nightdress and he fights everything in his body not to stare at the way he can see the tight buds of your nipples through it.

"I never really thanked you for everything," you say softly as you approach, chest heaving nervously. "The doctor, the soup and drink." 

You're so close he could wrap his hand around your neck and pull you to him. His fingers twitch against his thighs at the thought. His feelings for you are coursing through him and he's having a difficult time reminding himself that you don't want him like that. 

"So thanks," you finish lamely, gaze unable to drift from his. It feels like his dark brown eyes are hypnotizing, drawing you into their depths. 

Your eyes move to his mouth, that pouty, soft-looking mouth that haunts your fucking dreams. You realize with a shiver that you want Joel. You need to feel what it is to kiss him. Suddenly you can't help yourself. 

A hand snakes out to his collar, tugging his face down to yours. Your mouths collide because you are desperate to see if Joel's lips feel as soft as they look. 

They do.  

They're so soft and they go firm as he kisses you back, groaning gently into your mouth. His hands travel to your waist, quickly banding around your lower back, pulling you into his hips. You smile against his lips, hands moving from his collar to grip his neck, needing more of him. 

Joel feels like he’s on fire in the best possible way. You’re so warm in his arms, just like he imagined. And you’re pulling him against you, needy for him like he is for you. He backs you against the wall, careful to be gentle as he does. He licks into your mouth, his hips grinding against yours.

“So fucking sweet,” he murmurs against your mouth, one hand on your lower back, the other cradling the back of your head so that he can taste all of you. Every crevice, every sensation, everything that’s you. His hand slides to your hip, urging one leg to band around his waist, his thickness rasping through his jeans against your clothed core.

“Oh f-fuck,” you groan as his mouth goes to your jaw, pressing desperate kisses down the side of your throat. Joel feels as your hands go for the buckle of his belt and his mouth comes back to capture yours once more. As your tongue greedily dabs against his and your hand slides underneath his jeans you feel Joel suddenly tense under you. 

"Wait what-" Joel pulls back, his hands gripping you by the shoulder, looking into your face. He peers into your face a long while before his eyes fly to your bedside table behind you, fixing there before you see his face fall.

You see the way his brows rise and the almost pained look in his eyes as he speaks.  

"I gotta go."

Before you can say anything to him Joel has scrambled to buckle his pants and then rushed out of the room.  You can hear his boots slapping against the porch steps as you glance over at your bedside table.

There you see the collection of books, a glass of water, the opened pill container, a hairbrush. You don't know what upset him so much but you feel a rush of shame go through you. It has nothing to do with what’s on your bedside table, it’s that Joel realized that he doesn’t want you like that.

You were an idiot to think Joel Miller cares for you. 

///

After six weeks you’re feeling back to your normal self. You tell a very excited Maria that you’re ready to get back to patrols but added: “Do you think you could swap my shifts though? I’d like a new partner.”

It hurt having to ask her that, but it felt necessary. Maria hadn’t questioned it – it was commonplace to switch people out from time to time. The man currently filling your spot with Joel would continue on in your place and you’d be moved to D-Watch.

It seemed like a perfect plan until the next day when you rose very early and headed to the stables.

You wanted to take your time saddling Glimmer as it’d been weeks since you were riding. You wanted to make sure you weren’t rusty for whoever your partner turned out to be. Glimmer looked happy to have the company in the pen this early, the dappling sun dancing around the paddock.

You were just releasing the cinches on the saddle when you felt the sound of footsteps making their way into the barn and then the heavy presence of someone behind you.

“Since when’re you back on patrols?”

Fuck. 

"Hi Miller,” you sigh. “And to answer your question, since yesterday.”

Joel watches you saddling up Glimmer, his dark brows furrowing. “But it ain’t your watch today.”

“It is starting this week,” you answer breezily, wishing he’d just go away and leave you alone.

You don’t want to be talking to Joel right now. Just the memory of how you threw yourself at him last time makes your cheeks burn.

"What the fuck... Why?"

“I wanted to try something new,” you lie, still not facing him.

You hear the sound of his boots dragging, his body warm behind you. You hate that your stomach jumps at his nearness. You hate that your body yearns for his despite everything that’s happened.

“Anway, I’m busy,” you tell him as you reach for Glimmer’s breast collar. 

You wait for Joel to turn around or to say something caustic. But instead you hear the sound of his feet drawing him closer to you. A feather light touch of his hand is at your shoulder, resting there. It compels you to stop what you’re doing and listen.

“I don’t want you to switch.”

His deep voice is soft and almost wounded. It makes your motions still and your head tilt to the side, about to respond.

Out of nowhere Glimmer rears back, sending you throwing yourself backwards in anticipation of a kick. Joel grabs her bridle, forcing her to still.

“Calm now, girl. C’mon, shhhh.”

 She gives a sharp whinny, settling almost immediately. Joel pats her muzzle, murmuring soothing words before making sure the flank cinch is tightened properly.

He turns to look over at you, confused to see you cowering beside the stable door. You’re on your knees, half bent and eyes squeezed shut. As he watches, you tilt forward as if you’re about to vomit and you let out  a low moan of what sounds like pain.

“Fuck.”

Joel rushes over to you, falling to his knees before you. “Are you hurt?”

"Just ... Just go away, Joel," you sputter before dropping to your knees. You need him to go away. You need the world to go away so you can get your bearings.

"Is it the ribs-"

"No!" You moan, feeling as the cold sensation grips your lower body. You let out another strangled noise, feeling like you heart is going to burst out of your chest. 

"My h-heart," you sputter.

You don't know how to say the words: this has happened before but no one has ever been here to witness it. And for some reason this morning's is so much worse than you remember the last one being. 

“I get these sometimes,” Joel explains, urging you to sit up and face him.  “It’s just panic. Take a minute and breathe.”

“I-I a-am b-b-breathing,” you managed to choke out, even as you feel your chest constrict. You feel frantic, like you’re going to explode if something doesn’t happen quickly. Joel recognizes the look and his hands move  to rest firmly on either side of your neck, forcing your eyes to his.

"Copy me. Inhale.... Exhale."

The panic is overwhelming, your entire body starting to break out in chills. You're scared and you grip onto Joel's shoulders as if he's a lifeboat and you're at sea. 

"Joel, I-"

"Breathe with me, baby," Joel instructs. You feel his thumbs on either side of your jaw, grounding you. "Are you listening? In... And out... Just like that. Yeah, good girl. Just like that."

You breathe in slowly, watching his mouth as it form a perfect little ‘o’ shape. You exhale along with him,

"In.... And out ..." 

His mouth. His perfect, pouty lips forming the words. The feeling is overwhelming, the desire to press your mouth to his is quickly edging out the panic you’d been feeling. He holds you in his strong palms and you feel boneless, his voice lulling you into a calm state. You gaze at him with glassy eyes.

"In... And out..." 

Joel is so worried that you're going to pass out. You've gone from hyperventilating to sudden slow and deep breaths. But after a few moments he thinks you must be in the clear.

"There you go," he murmurs, gaze lingering on your face. Your skin is so soft under his hands, your eyes meeting his with lowering lids.

You continue to stare at him, unable to find the right words. Joel smiles crookedly.

"Guess I know how to get you to listen to me now. Just gotta catch ya in the middle of a meltdown." 

He's trying to lighten the tension because your faces are so close to one another, he can feel the warmth of your breath huffing against his face. 

You want to press your mouth to his but he gently releases your face, leaning back to regard you. 

"Let's get you home. I-"

But you’re not moving from where you sit kneeling against him, your hands still on his shoulders.

"Why don't you visit me anymore?" 

Joel doesn’t know exactly how to respond to this. He can tell that you’re obviously stressed and he doesn’t want to add to it. But on the other hand he has no desire to keep anything from you.

"Didn't know we were friends enough to visit," Joel shrugs. 

"But you did the first few days," you reason, fingers digging into the warmth of his jacket. "The soup, the whiskey. Then that last time."

"You miss me or somethin'?" Joel teases lightly. 

"Yeah," you say in a voice so gentle it could have been a sigh. "I do miss you, Miller. The place feels good when you're around. Better than good, it feels right."

There. You've admitted it. No matter what happens at least you know you've shared how you feel with him. 

Joel stares at you for a long moment before he stands, suddenly overcome. You bring yourself to stand across from him, watching as he begins to pace in front of you, lower lip slightly protruding in thought.

"You know that night you got hurt?” Joel asks, darting a glance at you. “And I took you back to yours?"

"Obviously."

"You uh, you surprised me that night,” Joel confesses, his cheeks reddening. “You kissed me."

Your eyes blow wide. "What?"

"Yeah. You said a lot of stuff 'bout wanting to kiss me for a while and,” Joel licks his lips nervously. “You asked me to stay the night with you."

You're in total shock about this. You have no recollection except for waking up and being needlessly unkind to him due to the surprise of seeing him in your bed. You cover your face with your hands, humiliating overtaking you.

“Oh my – Joel I’m so sorry-“

“No, no nothing to be sorry for,” Joel says almost desperately. “I mean . . .I just. . .That’s why I was there when you woke up," Joel explains.

“Because I guilted you into it,” you moan, burying your face in your hands further. “And then I forced myself on you.”

“You didn’t force anythin’.”

You want to jump into a fit of infested bloaters if it means this conversation can be over. All this time you thought Joel liked you and it’s because he’s what? Embarassed that you threw yourself at him in a drugged episode?

You’re surprised when you feel his large hands overtaking yours, dragging them from your heating face. He looks so concerned, so nervous. It makes your heart pound. He holds your hand in his, thumbs absently trailing over the knuckles.

“I liked you kissing me. I liked being there with you when you woke up,” he finally confesses throatily. “I liked holding you. I like being around you. . . Even when you drive me crazy and you talk shit. I only like patrols ‘cuz you’re on ‘em with me. I don’t want you to swit-”

Before he can even finish his sentence you’ve jerked forward, throwing your arms around his neck and pressing your mouth to his. Joel responds immediately, his lips slotting between yours instinctively as his arms go around you.

But then you feel him tense again and your body stills. Joel wants to kiss you back so badly his entire body goes up in flames. But all too soon he pushes you from him gently. 

"You don't actually want me," Joel tells you flatly, swallowing thickly. "It's the pills. Like last time." 

What?

“You get like this when you’ve taken the pill,” he explains. “Makes you more emotional or somethin’. I dunno. I just-“

"Joel I haven't taken a pill in weeks," you say, brows furrowed. "I haven't needed them."

Joel peers down into your face, uncertainty etched there. "Last time I came over to see you, those pills-"

"I hadn’t taken any that day."

"They were open.”

“I was counting to see how many were left. I wanted Gemma to know when she came by so she could use them in the pharmacy.”

Joel stares at you a long moment and you begin giggling nervously when you see his eyes darken.  Immediately his hands on either side of your face, pulling you into a searching kiss as you whimper. And just like in your bedroom he backs you against the wall, pressing his frame against yours.

He kisses you in the way he’s been aching to do since he last saw you, teeth clacking in over-eager need, tongues and grunts and your hands fisting in his hair, needing all of each other. His knee goes between your thighs and you rest there, hips grinding.

"Fuck, I wanna do so much with you," Joel rasps against your jaw, planting sloppy kisses there. His teeth graze your pulsepoint and he groans when he feels your body trembling against him, your pelvis canting towards his.

"Do it," you beg brokenly. "Please, do it."

You want his hands and mouth everywhere on your body and he wants you in his bed right this fucking instant, but he feels how you move in his arms, still slightly stiff from your injury.

"Not until you're officially all healed up," Joel murmurs amazed that you’re here in his arms. "Can't risk it." 

"You think pretty highly of yourself, Miller," you tease, grinning broadly when he does.  

"Not Miller," he says giving you a full-lipped kiss as he circles your waist gently with his arms. "Not when I'm lovin' on you."

You grin up at him, feeling your eyes water at the sincerity in his expression. You run your hand through his greying curls; your thumb gently tracing over his cheek. 

"Alright then," you whisper. “Kiss me again, Joel."

#joel miller fanfiction #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller smut #joel miller #dad joel miller #pedro pascal #fanfic #joel miller x f!reader #joel tlou #the last of us hbo #joel the last of us #joel x reader #joel x you

[livingformintyoongi]

a/n: A little series that just occurred to me a few hours ago and that I wanted to keep here for the meantime.

A compilation of children's stories with a different ending than the one Disney shows in its movies. A place where you can hear the voices of the villains of these tales, and what would happen if the protagonist decided to take a different path.

Before The Hook | Peter Pan

Seokjin (Captain Hook) x fem!reader (Tinkerbell)

Before Kim Seokjin became known as the famous pirate called "Captain Hook" he was also an ordinary person. A boy with dreams and hopes, with a zest for life, with a desire to always have the youthful spirit that characterized him so much.

You listened to his wish and went to him, giving him the opportunity to enter Neverland. You never thought that things would end so badly for both of you.

Under The Hood | Little Red Riding Hood

Yoongi (Werewolf) x fem!reader (Little Red Riding Hood)

What would you do if the people in the town you grew up in for over 25 years turned their backs on you the day someone, or something, murdered your grandmother? Worse yet, what would you do if all those people you trusted so much blamed you for the crime and were willing to take your life for it?

Well, the most logical answer is to run away, right? That's why you grabbed your red hood, your uncle's axe and a basket full of food, ready to find whoever had committed the crime so you could clear your name and let your grandmother rest in peace.

When You Find My Heart | Alice In Wonderland

Hoseok (King of Hearts) x fem!reader (Alice)

You always believed that reading put you in a kind of trance, because whenever you read you entered a kind of blank moment, time seemed to pass differently, the place around you disappeared and became a completely different one.

That always happened to you when you read about Wonderland. At least until from one day to the next your book changed its order, forcing you to read it backwards.

Cold As Ice | Snow White

Namjoon (Robin Hood) x fem!reader (The Evil Queen)

Every day of your life you looked in the mirror, and every day you asked the same question. Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the most beautiful in the kingdom? Is that how the rumors were supposed to go? You were sure of it.

Every day you woke up with a bitter taste in your mouth, wishing those bad rumors would reach someone brave enough to end your life.

That's when Namjoon comes in, ready to do whatever it takes to save his friend Eira's life and that of his people. You were just another corrupt queen, I had nothing to lose, right?

When I Hear Your Voice | The Little Mermaid

Jimin (Prince Eric) x fem!reader (Ursula's daughter)

For the first time in your whole life you had used the advice your mother had given you since you were a little girl. You had the recipe to be human, you had the recipe to make anyone in the world fall in love with you, you could even become the most beautiful woman on the planet, but none of it would bring your mother back.

At least, you thought, you could still return the favor to that bitch who had taken your mother's life. An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, if she took away what you loved most in this life, you would take away what she loved most, Park Jimin, the man for whom she risked the lives of all the inhabitants of the marine kingdom, and for whom you would now do the impossible to steal her

I See The Light | Tangled

Taehyung/Vante (Eugene) x fem!reader (Rapunzel)

Your job had always been fairly simple. You would stand waiting in your tower until some poor man came in and ran into you. You would offer them a place to sleep and give them food, all so that they would be unconscious and ready for your mother to take them out of the tower and do with them whatever she wanted.

That had been your routine until the arrival of Vante, a criminal who was willing to do whatever it took to escape the tower alive. So you made him a deal.

His freedom for yours.

Zero To Hero | Hercules

Jungkook (Hercules) x fem!reader (Megara)

You met Jungkook when he was just a wimpy, whiny teenager, a lost boy who didn't know where he belonged or what to do with his life.

You gave him a little push, without giving him much importance, without thinking that he would be the same person who would put your life at risk years later, without thinking that your current self was willing to do anything to protect him and his noble heart from the monster that was the person to whom you belonged.

#bts x reader #bts x you #bts x y/n #bts x oc #jin x y/n #taehyung x reader #jin x you #jin x oc #jin x reader #yoongi x oc #yoongi x y/n #yoongi x reader #yoongi x you #hoseok x oc #hoseok x y/n #hoseok x reader #hoseok x you #namjoon x oc #namjoon x y/n #namjoon x you #namjoon x reader #park jimin x reader #jimin x oc #park jimin x you #jimin x you #jimin x reader #taehyung x you #taehyung x y/n #jungkook x reader #jungkook x you

[blessedwithabadomen]

in love with the mess - day fourteen

summary : Aubrey is going on tour and, for once, she's decided to focus on having as much fun as possible. Oli can be a little shit but he does nothing short of adore Audrey and... well, maybe Noah a little, too. Noah likes the flirting, as long as no one gets too close, emotionally. But what will happen when the three of them take it too far?

content : angst, fluff, overthinking, mentions of drinking, mentions of throwing up

length : 6k

tags (let me know if you want to be tagged!) : @veronicaphoenix @cookiesupplier @lma1986 @jilliemiw86 @bngurngheart @lacktoesandtoddlerants @narcissisticbehavior81 @flowery-mess @shilohrosechicken @justeli6 @starvingarsyn @floatinglikeaswan @blacksoul-27 @somebodyels3 @kageyasma @spikeisdaddy @broken0mens @sunsshinesunny

a/n : sorry about the delay!!! I'm going on holiday and it was all very stressful and hectic and then we had to figure out how to get to the airport tomorrow morning because the trains are suddenly not running lmao but here it is!!!

•••

day fourteen

“You… you told-”

Noah didn’t even manage to say it out loud. He didn’t need to. Oli and I were just as aware of the fucking blunder we’d just made. The one that might change everything now.

We should have told him earlier. We should have told him, period. Not risked letting him find out. We’d truly fucked up. Too wrapped up in our own happiness and love to really grasp the consequences. How ridiculously selfish of us.

The room had fallen awkwardly silent, or maybe the ringing in my ears was simply tuning out everything else. Either way, there were still people around us, people who had no business listening in to this, people who didn’t need to know anything about our situation. I wasn’t actually sure if anyone even cared - but all the people running around us were distracting at best. Oli seemed to think the same.

“My dressing room, now,” he simply said, no harshness in his order, yet none of us would have dared to decline.

No more words were exchanged as we made our way through the labyrinthine hallways of the arena. We didn’t touch each other, suddenly hyperaware of every single one of our movements, as if they would be watched and analysed and scrutinised. All of us kept our heads down as we passed by a multitude of people and the general vibe we were giving off seemed to do enough to keep everyone else away. We weren’t in the mood for small talk. Or any talk at all that didn’t include just the three of us.

Oli held the door open for us as we passed him, then shut it after he had entered himself. I’d never felt this out of place in my life. The chaotic, stuffed dressing room that had started to feel close to a second home, even if the actual location kept changing, now did nothing but suffocate me. All of us lingered in the middle of it. No one sat down. As if comfort wasn’t allowed.

“How long?” Noah’s voice seemed painfully loud in the quiet dressing room. The door shut out the noise from outside remarkably well.

“Two days ago,” Oli answered, as if it was no bother at all, as if this wasn’t potentially the most crucial conversation the three of us had ever had, but I could see it in his eyes, in the way he tried to hide his hands fumbling with nothing in particular. “I didn’t mean to say it, then. I mean, I love her, but it just tumbled out of my mouth, really.”

“We didn’t mean to keep it a secret from you,” I added. My whole body ached to reach out to Noah, but the fear of how badly the rejection would sting kept me frozen in place. “We meant to talk to you, there just… We didn’t know how or when. I know that’s the shittiest excuse ever. We should have made the right moment to tell you.”

“So what does that mean now,” Noah all but interrupted. His eyes were flicking back and forth between Oli and me, restless and nervous. He didn’t even seem to process any of the information we’d just told him, even if his brain was probably going a hundred miles an hour. “You two are… a thing. And you still fucked me this morning. Why?”

It was my turn to be stunned. Did he really not know? Was he so completely unaware? Or was he simply trying to shield himself, ignore everything that had happened between the three of us in the past two weeks? Because in my mind, there was no way he didn’t know that this was more than just the three of us fucking around. Or me and Oli getting together. In all the ways that we had complicated and confused this whole thing, it had always been about the three of us. Surely.

“Because we love you, you fucking idiot!”

The outburst pierced the silence painfully but it wasn’t until Noah and Oli both stared at me in shock that the realisation dawned that it had been my outburst. I was the one shouting these words. But as soon as it sunk in, I knew I wasn’t done. Some invisible dam had burst - I was going to speak my mind and I was going to speak it now. No more holding back for the sake of others or blindly agreeing for fear of rejection or letting anyone else take the lead.

“This wasn’t just some weird ploy to get Oli and me together and you get stranded on the sidelines. This has been about the three of us from the start and you know it. So what if Oli and I got there first. I’ve been ready to shout about my feelings for you from the rooftops for days now, Noah. But I didn’t. Because I knew it would scare you away. And I was desperate, Noah, desperate for that not to happen.”

I took a breath, trying to keep a hold of myself, trying not to unravel. I willed the tears in my eyes to disappear but all that happened was that one escaped me and dramatically slid down my face. Noah, somehow, was the first one to react, wiping it away so softly that another immediately followed.

“Every time Oli and I are alone, it feels like a part of us is missing. Like the bed is too big, even when it really isn’t. Or there’s a remark hanging in the room that you would make but you’re not there to say it. I don’t want to do this without you. I want you. I don’t know how this is going to work and I don’t really care because I know we’ll figure it out. I’m in love with you, Noah.”

I couldn’t deal with the way he was looking at me. Especially because I, for once, felt so completely, wholly unable to analyse it at all. Was it pity? Oncoming rejection? Insecurity? Love? I could only hope for the latter, but my emotions were running amok in my body and there was no certainty in anything anymore. In anything but the fact that I was so in love.

Noah was still standing in front of me, but his hand wasn’t on my face anymore and I missed it dearly. All I wanted was to throw myself into his arms and beg him to give the three of us a chance. But this was on him, and him alone.

“She’s right, you know?” Oli piped up next to me. He was much braver than me, pulling Noah close, putting his hand to the other man’s neck and letting their foreheads rest against each other. “We’re not complete without you. I… Noah, I’m in love with you. And, fuck, I never thought I’d say that to a man, but here we are.”

He kissed Noah then, deeply and passionately. It was all he could do. I only hoped it would be enough.

“We don’t want to rush you, Noah. But that’s where we’re at and I… I would hate for this tour to be over with unspoken things lingering between us. So, I don’t know, take some time, talk to us or don’t if you need to be by yourself, whatever you need. But, please, think about it. About us. It’s the only thing I’m asking you for.”

Noah nodded, keeping his head hanging low and staring at the ground now that Oli wasn’t holding him up anymore. I let my hand drift to his jaw, making him look at me. I simply needed to press a kiss to his mouth. The chances that I might not get to do it again were too high.

He felt sweet against me, reciprocating the kiss with a familiarity I had grown so accustomed to. But he didn’t initiate anything else. I let go of him and stepped back.

“I’ll give you an answer. Tonight. I promise.”

Believing in him was all Oli and I could do.

•••

It felt wrong to sleep alone. If I’d already been lamenting the fact that Noah was missing when it was just Oli and me, I’d completely forgotten just how awful it would feel to have neither of them next to me in bed. The cold was seeping into my bones, one that couldn’t be fixed with any number of blankets or heating in the room. I missed feeling their bodies around me, feeling the mattress move every time they shuffled. Missed their hands on me, their chests pressed against my own and my back. Their slowing breathing filling the room with the slightest noises that had me drifting off to sleep so easily. Now I was too cold and the room was too quiet and my brain was too loud.

We had tried to be reasonable about it, really. We’d gotten a ride back to the hotel together and while I tried to savour every moment with them, it had been the most awkward situation we’d managed to find ourselves in just yet. When we had lingered in the hotel hallway, unsure of how to proceed from here, Noah had said that he needed some time to think, alone, and that it would probably be for the best if he just went back to his room with Jolly. We’d bid him goodnight, not attempting to kiss or hug him or initiate any other physical contact, and he’d ended up waving before walking down the corridor. Like a stranger.

Then it had just been Oli and me, again. I’d made him hold me, for a while, needing the closeness and the reassurance that we could somehow be fine whatever happened now, but we didn’t talk. Only to agree that we should sleep separately for once. It simply felt… wrong to allow ourselves to spend the night in an attempt at what would hopefully become a steady relationship when Noah was still struggling and confused and neither part of it nor outside of it. Plus, I knew fully well that we would end up talking the whole night, not getting a wink of sleep and instead stressing ourselves out even further.

Not that I was getting much rest on my own now.

Picking up my phone, I once again, for what felt like the seventieth time that night, opened our group chat. There wasn’t very much in there to be honest. Most of the time, it was easy enough to locate each other in the venues or their rooms. And if I was looking for someone specific, I usually ended up texting just that person. The other one was probably with one of us already anyway.

Still.

My fingers hovered over the screen. And then they typed, before I could stop them. I clicked the sent button as soon as the last letter had appeared. Just to make sure I wouldn’t back out again. Then I chucked the phone as far away from me as I could while still being able to hear my alarm in a few hours and turned around, hoping for sleep to come, hoping for my brain to give me some peace for at least a while. Hoping those two men would feel the same way I did when they read my message.

I miss you already.

•••

I ended up running late which was something that rarely happened and tended to be in my top ten most stressful situations in life. I had been so preoccupied with leaving on time or at least not too late to make my flight to Dublin that I didn’t even remember to check my messages until I was in the car to the airport.

Noah Can we talk tonight? The guys want to go out but maybe after?

There was about an hour of nothing in the chat, I presumed Oli was asleep or simply not checking his phone at that time, before another message from him came through.

Noah I miss you too Both

Then silence, again, for a few hours. Oli had apparently gotten up earlier than I had and, somehow, had been more organised. Or at least enough to text.

Oli Think everyone’s keen on going out tonight We can meet up at the hotel afterward? My room? Please don’t make me stay on my own again, I couldn’t even get any rest without you (Aubrey) clinging to my shirt until it almost choked me and you (Noah) terrifying me with your sleep talking in the middle of the night

I wasn’t going to cry in the cab. Even if I did end up clutching the phone to my heart as if it physically held the people I loved and not just the messages they had left. Maybe it was going to be alright after all. Maybe we could make this work. Maybe, even tonight already, we would be right where we were supposed to be - next to each other.

I didn’t get a chance to reply as the driver pulled up to the airport. But I would get to talk to them later tonight, at the very latest. And that made my heart that little bit lighter.

•••

“I’ll let you know that I was only slightly panicked about you missing the flight,” Becky said as I reached my gates, mere moments before boarding was about to start. I huffed at her, pretending it was because I was shocked at how little faith she had in me, not because I was legitimately out of breath.

“Which would have been annoying but not the end of the world, pretty sure there's more fights from here to Dublin than just this one today.”

“Not if they all get cancelled because of the storm.”

I felt the blood drain from my face. “Storm?”

“Yeah, it's pretty windy already so it's not clear whether later flights will go ahead. Wait, you don't look too well - are you- are you afraid of flying?”

“I'm afraid of turbulences,” I admitted.

“Well, then,” Becky said, reaching into her bag as she ushered me towards the counter where they'd just started boarding. “Here's to hoping your surprises will keep you occupied!”

“Wait- plural?”

She didn’t feel the need to answer me as she instead pushed me forward to get my ticket checked and then ushered down the way toward the plane. I was already on the aircraft when she caught up with me, briefly waiting as I took my assigned seat in the middle, which was only bearable because the window seat was taken by Noah. He sent me a tired smile, making me wonder how much rest he’d gotten during the night, as I slid into the row.

“Have fun!” Becky squealed, putting a folder in my hands and vanishing down the aisle of the plan before I could stop her. I briefly looked from the now vacant spot to the folder to Noah, who had a small but knowing smile on his face.

I quickly stored my luggage and got comfortable - as comfortable as possible on a flight - and only got briefly interrupted when Oli walked down the aisle next to me, throwing a kiss in my direction the way he had done the night before, then throwing another to Noah, who accepted it with the blush I had grown to love so much on his cheeks.

“Do you know what this is about?” I asked as more and more people filled up the plane, boarding finally finishing and the crew getting ready for takeoff.

“Maybe,” he chuckled, giving me one more look that I couldn’t quite get a grasp on, then busying himself in the comic in his hands, one I recognised he’d bought on our trip to Forbidden Planet a while ago.

Realising I wasn’t going to get any more information out of him, I decided I might as well try to preoccupy myself with figuring out what exactly Becky had given me during take off. It was the worst part of the flight anyway. Well, minus the landing. And any turbulences.

However, there simply had to be one more interruption.

“Is this seat taken?”

Confused, I looked up from the folder, already questioning what sense that question could possibly make on a fight with assigned seating, when my eyes spotted-

“Lia!”

I tried to jump up but the seatbelt I'd already buckled painfully pulled me back. Noah quickly reached over to undo it as I stood up, folder almost crashing to the floor, my arms wrapping around my best friend as if I hadn't seen her for years. It felt like it.

A stern look from one of the flight attendants had us sit down immediately, getting settled and ready for take off.

“What are you doing here? I don't understand!”

“Did you know Becky is super nice and also definitely able to bully people into giving her my number and telling me to get my ass here?”

“Wait, so-”

“Well, apparently Oli requested my presence too,” she continued, completely unfazed by my questions, “and we both know he's asking for you and not because he loves me so much. Also the hotel had a free room for the next two nights, how handy, right? So here I am, taking you out drinking tonight and trying to punch some sense into all of you guys. Hi, Noah!”

Noah waved awkwardly and then handed me back the folder I had almost forgotten about. He just have caught up when I'd almost dropped it.

“Have you read it yet?” Lia asked, almost jumping in her seat. I shook my head and then buried it in the papers in front of me.

Nothing made sense.

I skimmed through the pages, then back to the first one, as if it might just have been my English skills inexplicably leaving me, but no. I was seeing - and reading - correctly. With a frown so tight it almost hurt the skin on my forehead, I read through the contents, properly now, absorbing every word.

I wasn’t sure how long I took, flipping through the pages, back and forth, just to make sure I was reading correctly, that I wasn’t hallucinating these words, that this was for real.

“This- I mean… I-”

“You're getting an apprenticeship, Aubrey!” Lia shouted so loudly that someone from the row in front of us turned around with a frown. “Becky asked the company she works for and they're offering it to you. Said that the past two days were basically your try-outs. You're gonna be a sound technician! Well, if you accept, of course.”

“Oh my god,” I mumbled, flipping through the pages again, and again. This whole thing felt like a fever dream I was not ready to wake up from. “And in a few days I would-”

“Come on tour with us and shadow Becky,” Noah completed my sentence. “Not the most conventional way to start learning the basics, but when have any of us ever been. Conventional, that is.”

I didn't have time to think about the implications of his words or how they could translate to a completely different issue too. All I could do was put a hand over my mouth in shock and cease to fight against the tears that were starting to spill down my cheeks in abundance. Both Noah and Becky hugged me as much as they possibly could with all of us stuck in our seats. Even the turbulence couldn't faze me anymore.

Life might actually be looking up.

•••

If there was one thing Lia knew how to do, it was how to keep me occupied and distracted. We spent most of the day chatting, which included a lot of me rambling about my chaotic love life - I only cried once - and her fawning over her wife and how she needed a change of occupation too. On top of that, we decided to have lunch at the hotel restaurant, where we promptly bumped into Becky, who allowed me to ask all the questions about the internship offered and then almost bowled me over in my chair when I asked the waiter for a pen to sign the contract straight away.

Since all of us had the night off, we ended up agreeing over several different group chats to go out big style - crew, Bad Omens, Bring Me The Horizon, well, and Lia. Even though she had a room of her own, she’d practically gathered half her suitcase and made a home in mine as we got ready together.

Yet, all she seemed to do was veto every outfit I showed her until we finally landed on an oversized pullover I used as a dress (just about sexy enough for her, comfortable enough for me, who wasn’t actually looking to attract anyone new that evening) and a pair of fishnet tights that would do nothing at all to protect me from the January cold but would hopefully look less out of place once we were inside again.

“So, what’s the plan with Noah, then?” Lia asked as she dropped down on my bed, spilling some of the setting powder in her hand and then trying to rub it into the duvet as if I hadn’t seen. “Because all I see right now is you and Oli sitting around waiting.”

“What else is there to do?” I sighed. I genuinely felt at a loss. We’d put the ball in his court. We’d told him how we felt. We left the decision up to him. But would all of that be enough?

“What’s the biggest issue right now? Like, what’s his fears?”

“Probably that Oli and I have a stronger connection with each other than either of us has with him. That we already know each other so well that he’ll be the one left out.”

“Sounds like you guys need more time together. The three of you. Completely ignoring what you and Oli might know about each other from before and just focus on finding yourselves in this relationship now.”

The silence lingered for a moment as both of us got lost in our thoughts, the mascara I was in the middle of applying now forgotten in my hand. I stared at myself in the mirror, made up and dressed up, and wondered who I was. Someone in love. Someone who was willing to fight for it. I was so over being passive.

“What can I do?”

“Well, first of all, put mascara on the other eye too because you look very asymmetrical.”

I rolled my eyes but did as she said, knowing that if I got too carried away, I’d completely forget about the rest of my makeup anyway.

“Give yourselves more time?” Lia offered.

“Tour ends tomorrow,” I thought out loud. “The Bad Omens tour isn’t until the 27th and the flight to Berlin is on the 26th. Now, I know Oli is completely free the next few days and I can ask around again but I’m pretty sure Noah has a break until then as well.”

Lia simply let out a hum in the background of my monologue, just to let me know she was still listening as I started scrolling through my phone, typing and searching.

“Fuck it,” I decided. “I’m booking us a family room for the next few days after tour. Nice hotel, just outside of Dublin. No distractions, no one else we know around us, no shows, no appointments, nothing. Just the three of us. There. Booked. Do you think the hotel can print something for me?”

Lia looked at me like a proud parent which was unnerving at best but I ignored it.

“I’m sure Oli would love to go and ask with you,” she grinned as I pulled on my shoes and was already halfway out the door, jacket and bag at the ready.

“Meet you downstairs in a few?”

“Will do! Don’t get distracted by Oli’s dick!”

•••

“What if he doesn’t even notice?”

“Of course he’ll fucking notice.”

“You don’t know that! He might not look this way and then just stumble over it!”

“What if we knock?”

“But we’re supposed to drop it off without him seeing!”

“Fine. I’ll knock and we’ll run and hide around the corner.”

“What are we, five?”

“Yes. I’m knocking now.”

I quickly dropped the printed paper along with the post-it stuck on top to the floor as Oli all but pounded on Noah’s hotel room door before bolting down the hallway with me and stopping just around the corner, pulling each other to safety and then peeking around just as we saw him step out, confused. We stayed hidden until we heard the door fall back into its lock and then spared another glance to make sure he had picked up our notes.

“You think he’s going to do it? Come with us for another few days?”

“Well, a luxurious hotel and both of us, he’d be stupid to refuse,” Oli chuckled, but I could tell the anxiety weighed on him just as heavily. There wasn’t much more to do, really. We’d told him about our feelings. We wanted to spend the small break that all of us had together, no distractions, just getting to know each other better and figuring out how this could work. It was truly his turn now.

“Come on, stop worrying that pretty head of yours so much,” Oli said, pressing a kiss to it. “Let’s get Lia and see what Dublin has to offer, yeah?”

I simply let myself fall into his arms a little as he led us toward the lifts, ready to forget about the ache in my heart just for a while.

•••

The night ended up not being all that wild, after all. Everyone was feeling the exhaustion from the past two weeks on tour. It didn’t mean that the pub we had all gathered it wasn’t in danger of running out of spirits, though. The mood was high and the volume in the room seemed to be getting louder by the minute. I’d already saved various people from Lia various times because if someone didn’t know how to shut her mouth when intoxicated, it was her. I’d currently lost track of her once again which was slightly worrying, but the more drinks Becky was providing me with, the less I cared. Her husband wasn’t back company either, although he seemed ever so slightly overwhelmed with the rowdy crowd around us.

“Are you excited to go on the Bad Omens tour then?” He asked, an arm around Becky, who was currently distracted by someone else who was telling her about some sound system or other, and I only briefly let myself fall into the yearning of having that kind of stable relationship, the kind of love that people would see from miles away without any of us doing anything, the kind of connection that shone through even when we weren’t talking.

“Did everyone but me know about this?”

“Well, yes,” he laughed. “As far as I know it was a joint venture, Becky, Lia, Oli and Noah all huddled together to make this happen. I guess you’re very loved.”

“God, don’t make me sappy now,” I chuckled but it was nothing but an attempt to keep the tears at bay. I’d been crying entirely too much lately, for a number of reasons, and I was getting a little tired of it.

I excused myself momentarily, citing a bathroom break, but found myself standing outside the pub instead. The cold air sent shivers up and down my body, but I didn’t mind all that much. It was a nice reminder that I wasn’t only in my head. That I was here right now. I flinched when a hand landed on my waist, a gesture so strangely intimate I knew it to be Noah before I registered anything else.

“So you two really want to spend more time with me alone after this tour?” he asked, jokingly, but he couldn’t fool me. I could see the insecurity in his eyes, in the way he stood, in the way his hand lingered on my body without quite grabbing it.

“Noah, love, I’ll always want to spend more time with you.” My hand was on his chest now, hard and lean under my fingertips, and it took all the strength I possessed not to pull him in and kiss him stupid. “If your tour wasn’t coming up so soon after, I’d probably have booked us in for a month.”

His fingers ildly played with the fabric of my makeshift dress. “Maybe-”

The door from the pub banged open with more force than it should have been able to. A rather tipsy Lia stumbled out, obnoxiously pointing at Noah as she came over.

“You! Folio threw up on the bar and they’re kicking him out and I’ve been told you’re the one to bother. He needs to get back to the hotel and you guys are sharing right? Come on. I’ll help.”

Noah sighed, deeply, but looked at me once more before turning away. “Can we talk later? The three of us? Not in my room though, for obvious reasons.”

“Sure,” I chuckled. “Oli’s room later? We can shoot you a text.”

“Perfect,” he said and then he bent down and pressed a soft kiss to my lips and I could really believe this was going to work out.

•••

The night was dying down earlier than I would have expected, but both Oli and Mat kept loudly complaining that they were not 25 anymore after all. I bit back a comment about how that luckily hadn’t impacted Oli’s performance in bed. As more and more people started leaving, Oli clung to me, leaning his body on me with much more force than necessary, then giggling at the way I almost buckled under his weight. He was a little tipsy, just on the verge of it, and it made him all kinds of needy and whiny. Although I wasn’t quite sure if that was actually down to the alcohol or if he was simply in a mood.

“I want Noah,” he mumbled into my ear as he rested his head on my shoulder. It seemed horribly uncomfortable with the height difference, but I patted his hair in what I hoped would be a calming and reassuring gesture anyway. “I miss Noah.”

“I know, baby,” I cooed. “Do you want to go back to the hotel? I can shoot him a text.”

“Please.”

The cold outside seemed to wake and sober him up considerably as we got into a cab to get back to the hotel. He immediately pulled me into the middle seat, claiming the distance was simply unacceptable.

“Thank you for helping with the job situation, by the way,” I whispered, as if it was a secret, just for the two of us. “The job, offering me a place to stay, getting me on this tour in the first place… I really don’t know how to ever thank you for everything you do for me, Oli.”

He grabbed my face then, gently, so I would look at him. Then he kissed me so deeply that I was getting lightheaded, all sensations swimming through my brain in one big mush as I allowed myself to drown in them, knowing he was holding me and keeping me safe.

“You could keep on loving me, that’s all I’ll ever ask for.”

“Well, that’s going to be very easy,” I giggled, pressing a kiss to his nose right as the driver announced our arrival.

The hotel was quiet as soon as we left the reception area. I wondered if Noah was still busy taking care of Folio. If I should text him immediately and ask him to come over. If he wanted to talk to us yet. My train of thought was interrupted when we arrived on our floor and none other than Lia left Noah and Folio’s room, quickly running over to us as I shushed her for being too loud in her heels.

“He’s finally stopped puking,” she gleefully announced. “I’m off to bed now. Noah… Well, get to your room. He’ll get in touch?”

“He’ll- what?” I asked, but Lia was already bouncing down the hallway again, refusing to stop for clarification. Oli simply shrugged his shoulders as he unlocked the door and held it open for me.

It only took a few moments.

The knock wasn’t as much as a surprise, considering we were basically waiting for Noah, but the fact that no one was there when we opened it felt a bit comical. Especially when we realised a folded up piece of paper was on the floor in front of us.

“This feels like payback,” Oli laughed breathlessly, quite obviously just as nervous about this as I was. I refused to let the overthinking get the better of me though as I bent down to pick it up and unfolded it while Oli closed the door again. When I saw the amount of text, I ushered him in the direction of the bed so we could sit on the edge and read it together. He had to help hold onto it so we could still be make out the words amid my shaking.

Aubrey, Oli, my loves.

I’ve spent the last day doing very little else but think about everything. I’ve been trying to find a winner in the war that kept waging in my head but it seemed impossible.

Well, Lia didn’t allow that. She’s quite a force, isn’t she? As soon as Folio was in bed, she basically held me at gunpoint (figuratively) while she told me what she thought about the situation and how much of a “fucking useless idiot” I was being. Then she made me write a pro and contra list on the back of this page because apparently that’s what she does when she can’t make a decision. I’m not sure if buying a new phone quite compares to this, but I humoured her. And I think it helped. Just don’t tell her that.

Noah

There was a slightly messed up heart drawn next to it. The hope was rising up in my throat like bile, threatening to make me throw up just from the sheer terror and excitement about what was happening. We were so close to an answer. This was the moment.

Oli nodded at me to turn the paper over as soon as he was also done reading. He looked white as a sheet and I was sure my own face mirrored it. My shaky fingers only got worse when I flipped the page over.

There was indeed a list in front of us. Lots of entries on the “pro” side. Ranging from “They make me laugh” to “I feel safe with them” and “They know I’m scared and they don’t mind”. The contra side was shorter, but still held a few bulletpoints. “The distance”, “Third wheel” and “How to make this work??” were scribbled there.

But none of that was the important part.

The important part was that the list had been crossed out, liberally, with a massive “x” over the whole page, making it a little harder to read some of the points. And in the middle of it, almost from one corner to the other, covering even more words, he had written one single sentence. One sentence that seemed to count more than all the others. That made everything else not matter. That made clear that he had come to a decision.

I AM IN LOVE WITH THEM.

#Noah Sebastian fic #Noah Sebastian #Oli Sykes fic #Oli Sykes #Noah Sebastian x reader #Oli Sykes x reader #in love with the mess

[a-reader-and-a-writer]

I love no words! Love the twist! Would you mind writing a follow up where the reader meets the daggers, and Jake has to explain how he has a soulmate without having a soulmate tattoo? Takes rooster and fanboy little extra time to understand.

Thank you so much anon!!! No Words is absolutely one of my favorite things I have ever written and it brings me such joy anytime someone new discovers it! 🥰💞

I'm not sure if you just read the fic or the Extended Version but I did go into a bit of what happens afterwards with Jake and Reader in a series of reblogs.

I'm sort of on a writing hiatus at the moment, but I did come up with some HCs for your request because I do really like it and it inspired me. I hope you like them:

Jake still can't fully believe he has found his soulmate after so many years without hope so it takes him some time before he's ready to introduce you to the Daggers (you understand and allow him to take as much time as he needs). However, they all notice something has changed and that Jake will disappear more and more often, to the point he is almost never at The Hard Deck anymore. But whatever is going on, he seems happy so they don't push it.

When Jake finally feels ready to introduce you, he makes a big deal about it. Penny was the only one at the bar the night you two met who knew Jake, so she's been in on the secret the whole time and helps him plan a special beach barbeque for the big announcement.

Jake told you to get there a little later so he could share the news with everyone first. When he tells everyone he finally found his soulmate, he is met with mixed reactions: Payback, Fanboy, and Phoenix seem completely supportive and happy for him, Coyote congratulates him but Jake can tell he is a little unsure about things (Coyote has known Jake the longest and knows how much this not having a soulmate thing has hurt Jake in the past so he's happy but also doesn't want to see his friend get crushed if he is wrong), but Rooster and Bob just share an uneasy look and hang back. When Jake confronts them, Bob tries to brush it off and says he's happy for him, but Rooster doesn't pull any punches. He knows that Jake has been getting more depressed and hopeless about his lack of soulmate tattoo lately and he thinks Jake is just fooling himself because he wants it so badly. Rooster tells Jake he needs to face the fact that he doesn't have a tattoo because he doesn't have a soulmate and this charade is just going to destroy him once he comes to his senses.

Before Jake can respond, you arrive and immediately link arms with Jake as you plant a big kiss on his mouth. You point to Bob and Rooster questioningly, and Jake has the biggest shit-eating grin as he drapes his arm over your shoulder and introduces them. He then tells them your name, and you pull out a marker and scribble something onto Jake's arm. When you hold it out to show them--flashing them your own soulmate tattoo in the process (a familiar phrase they've heard Jake use before) --and they read "I'm Jake's soulmate". You sign something to Jake and as he struggles to figure it out (but gets there eventually due to the online classes he's been taking), all the pieces click and Rooster and Bob sheepishly shake your hand. Rooster then pulls Jake aside and apologizes for what he said, but Jake just shrugs it off because he knows Rooster was just trying to have his back. Rooster is amazed by that reaction, but as Jake turns back to you, Rooster can see how Jake has already become a better man in the short time he has known you.

The rest of the barbeque is a lot of fun and you get along great with everyone (Phoenix even reveals to you that she can sign but you both decide to keep that from Jake for now which Phoenix will use against him later). Jake rarely leaves your side and when he does, he can't take his eyes off of you. All the Daggers recognize that indescribable pull between two people and any last lingering doubts that the two of you aren't soulmates fade away.

#thanks! #anon ask #no words #soulmate au #jake hangman seresin #hangman #hangman x reader #jake hangman seresin x reader #jake seresin #jake seresin x reader #top gun #top gun maverick #top gun: maverick #f!reader #disabled!reader #mute!reader #fluff

[redpanther23]

When I was growing up, my mom never told me I was native or Jewish. Even though the only Europeans in my family were dads who abandoned us (I come from an unbroken line of single mothers going back to my Muskogee great-great-grandma), I was only told about my european heritage, and my mom even taught me to hide my accent in public so people wouldn't know. She was so ashamed of where we came from because of how she was discriminated against in college and grad school. She was an anthropologist, and I'm sure other anthropologists will confirm how racist the field was until very recently - it was crazy how she would tell me these stories from her textbooks, which reflecting on later I realize were incredibly racist and condescending (especially whatever book they made her read on Australian Aboriginals.) She even gave me a German name specifically because she thought it would make my Jewish dad abandon me, she wanted me to be white so badly. And she wasn't afraid to abuse me in other ways to get me to act "civilized." She herself was very fair skinned and redheaded, and I think she felt that if only she wasn't native, then she would have been treated more kindly by people and given more opportunities in school and her career. When I ran away from home, I got to meet my dad, who is Choctaw and Jewish and grew up in New England, and he taught me to be proud of ALL my heritage, not just my white ancestors. If I didn't have him, I might have gone on to be a fakey wannabe nazi too, since my mom basically was one without the swastikas. I didn't learn she was native as well until I talked to my grandma about it after I got out of the mental hospital a couple years ago. I tried to kill myself like every young native person I know (I even know a few who managed to pull it off.) A lot of native people come from horribly self-racist, self-hating backgrounds, it is EXTREMELY common, especially in families that understandably never registered with the government to recieve reparations (requiring registration of minorities is something the Nazis did as well, and Native Americans were the first to be rounded up and put in camps.) Genocide is not just physical, it's psychological as well. I often read stories about Jewish people who had to go into hiding for many generations, like in Spain, how they recovered their culture afterward and learned to be proud again. It gives me a lot of hope.

#red panther speaks

[aita-blorbos]

AITA for joining my girlfriend’s cult & killing my friends?

I know this sounds bad, but I swear I can explain.

I (18F) go to a high school for gifted students; I was accepted for my talents in the medical field. I come from an abusive home and have been bullied and sexually harassed most of my life so because of that I’m kind of a people-pleaser & have some really bad self-image issues, but my new school was actually pretty nice & I ended up making a lot of friends while I was there. Apart from my friends from my old school who joined with me (except this one girl who bullied me, I still tried to be nice to her though), our class president was genuinely one of the sweetest girls I’ve ever met, and we also had a really nice teacher; for once, it felt like I was actually being treated like a human being. In particular, though, later on I met these two guys from my class; one was sick & needed me to take care of him, & the other was assuming his identity so he could focus on his work. No one had ever treated me so nicely before, so I became friends with them, but one of them went missing so I went to look for him and ended up getting kidnapped.

I found my friend, and it turns out he was working on a secret project with this girl from another class; the one who kidnapped me was her sister. They showed me the project, and at the time it was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I started hanging around this girl more often, and ended up falling in love with her. It felt like she was the only one who truly understood me and accepted me for who I was…but looking back on it now, she was almost definitely a cult leader, because later on she showed me another video that I’m pretty sure was meant to brainwash me. Our relationship was toxic, too; she abused me physically and verbally, but to be honest I was kinda into it because at least she was paying attention to me.

While I was under her influence, I did a lot of things I’m not proud of; I tried to seduce my friend when he was clearly not into it, and I led the rest of my class into a trap that got our class president killed (I actually pushed her into the trap, I apologized for it though) and everyone else brainwashed as well while they were forced to watch. I didn’t want to do it; I think the video didn’t work quite as well as she wanted it to because the whole time it still felt like I had this little voice in my head telling me to stop, but when I tried to listen to it I just heard my beloved’s voice overpowering it. Everything after that is kind of a blur, but we basically ended up bringing about the apocalypse; all you need to know is that I did a LOT of illegal stuff and a lot more people died. After about a year of this, though, my girlfriend’s crimes came back to bite her and she got herself killed. We all took this pretty badly; a lot of the other cult members killed themselves, and I’m about 90% sure I surgically implanted her uterus inside of me so I could bear her children. It’s all still kind of hazy right now.

After that, the rest of us were rounded up and sent to a rehab facility in the hopes that we could be deprogrammed, and as part of the process our memories were erased. What they didn’t know was that my ex had preserved her consciousness in an artificial intelligence and before we were detained we planned to let her possess our bodies so she could continue her agenda, so she hijacked the rehab program and tried to encourage us to kill each other. I managed to avoid killing anyone for a while, but then a few of us got sick and while I was tending to them I ended up contracting it as well. Whatever disease I got, it caused me to remember everything and go back to being brainwashed. While I was in this state, I ended up strangling my best friend to death (she was infected and her strain of the disease made her more susceptible to suggestion) and later slit my bully’s throat after she walked in on me during the first kill. I covered my tracks the best I could, but the rest of my class was still able to find out what happened. I felt really cornered in the moment, so I kinda lashed out at everyone and blamed them all for everything that had happened to me and I also went on this weird rant about how my ex was the only one who truly loved me and “forgave my existence.” That didn’t really help my case, so I was voted out of the program and executed.

Except not really; it turns out the program was just a really immersive VR simulation & no one actually died (except for our class president, it turns out they also placed an AI modeled after her into the program but she got executed too; long story). The ones who made it to the end were able to defeat my ex’s AI self and rehabilitate the rest of us, so now we’re all living on the island the program was modeled after since we’re all technically fugitives. But now that I have my memories back, I feel so horrible about everything I’ve done, both in the program and out of it. My friends have been pretty understanding since they also did a lot of terrible things in the cult, but I still can’t help but feel like it was all my fault since I was the first one to get brainwashed and got everyone else brainwashed in the first place. Maybe if I wasn’t such a people-pleaser, or if I had fought harder against it, or if I had just minded my own business and not gone looking for my friend…oh, there’s so much I could have done…maybe it could have been different. I could have prevented all this from ever happening. I should have.

Please, forgive me…

AITA?

#aita #am i the asshole #unreality #cults #abuse

[lollytea]

I get to write Willow and Amitys weird awkward friendship in this fic I'm so excited!!!

#its hard being both a willow lover and an amity liker #i LOVE to talk about how amity deeply affected willow's life for the worse #but i also love to talk about how amity has to live with that truth for the rest of her life #i love how amity continues to try because she loves willow #tries too hard even #i love how amity STILL continues to fuck it all up because shes so painfully awkward and guilty #and shes so busy trying to preserve a friendship that died years ago that she doesnt realize that she should be aiming to build a new one #because this is NOT the same girl that she knew #i love that amity still means so much to willow that she cant bring herself to get confrontational over the obvious infantilization #i love that willow is trying so hard too because she wants this to work out so badly #and she cant even admit to herself that this idealized friendship shes wanted back for YEARS is not everything she hoped it would be #i love both girls so much #it used to be a real struggle to talk about this because somebody with a hate bias towards amity always wants to chime in #and like okay fine sure you can hate whatever character you want im not gonna shame you for it #i just dont WANT to discuss one of my my favourite dynamics with people who hate one of the characters yknow? #theyre two teenage girls who love each other and theyre struggling to love each other properly but they want to #I LOVE THEM!!!

[oatbugs]

Jack Marsh (2005), Friendship Otherwise - Toward a Levinasian Description of Personal Friendship

#saw carnation lily lily rose by john singer seargent irl today. it was basically at my doorstep all along idk why i never went to see it #it was placed at a corner in the gallery. me and my friend sat down and sketched the paintings of beautiful naked people quite badly. paper #provided by tate britain. she told me about how she couldnt look her boyfriend in the face after a harrowing film about war. when i say the #interview was informal i mean the person who was supposed to be my boss told me let me get you a cider and then he said after #50 years of life he knows people are inherently good and it only takes a little bit of kindness to save this world. he said he tricked #his wife into keeping the baby and then he said he quit his job at a US bank to help people find meaning and in it #he would have liked to find meaning. instead he started climbing with his friends. he said he chews his cigarettes because its a habit from #when he had to hide things from people. the entire time i felt uncomfortable and incredibly enlightened. this is my friends mentor. she has #his pattern of pauses and expletive and penchant for ends-justify-means attitude. i do think im not very clever #but maybe one day i will love you enough to make up for it. i wrote code i dont understand staring at the final error i thought about how #we both thought of how when we're too old to remember the voices of our friends we would like to stand in the pathway of the LHC beam pipe #cut it open and eat light in the freezing cold vacuum (kills you long before radiation will) the invisible puncture wound unfolding dna #back to the start larger than you ever were. you go to heaven once youve been to hell. my friend is in my bed #practicing calculations of eigenvectors by hand and she is uninterested in a visual proof you are uninterested in incompetence #we catch a train this is your kind of burden you tragic hero wincing at that word you only do this because you have to. im the only one #who can. i am a coward in this for the fucking poetry. the visual proofs. the pretty numbers. an architect who was horrible at maths wanted #to be a philosopher and accidentally ended up neck in deep in 70th Error On Visual Studio Code i want to kiss your eyes before we say #goodbye we both know there is no love in the way there should be. I still have your dress in my wardrobe. i hope you make art. #you think im alright head-wise i think you fucking hate me i think ill never be so clever you want me to tell you my idea? #if you wanted more of this world i would have liked to kiss you harder. we cant both be like this. im sorry i cant be with you the whole wa #the love is gone if you have to ask it. his breath catches his eyes feel stiff it is -1.9 kelvin he is near the beam pipe i miss holding #his hand i miss her singing voice i miss his hair and i found the antonym of pain thank you for carrying me home.

[nobody-expects-the-inquisitorius]

The children have scars too, Crosshair realises, and wishes he could un-realise it an instant later. Scars from rocks, and misjudged leaps, and deceptively sturdy-looking low branches. Accidents. The kind that they’d be disappointed to see fade. Their scars are a memento of adventure, a prop for storytelling. Like the one that Shaeeah has on her right knee from pitching headlong down a hillock in pursuit of a nuna, as she had told him in great detail no less than three times (once over breakfast, a second time after realising he hadn’t been listening to a word of it, and a third just for the sake of it). And Crosshair had tightened his jaw, and made a vague noise of acknowledgement, and triple-checked that his collar was pulled up high enough over his neck. 

She wouldn’t be smiling quite so bright if she could see just what he had to hide. And as much as it stings him to think of letting his secrets loose, a part of him wants her to see the horror, wants to wipe that stupid grin off her little face. CT-9904 had never been afforded the luxury to smile like that. 

It’s not their fault. 

That’s what the others would tell him. That’s what he’s sure Suu’s thinking, behind the unreadable glances that she casts him every time his nails bite into his palms as her daughter chatters. Not their fault. They don’t know of the labyrinth that lurks beneath carefully positioned fabric, the phantom craters of needles that he can still feel the sting of, latticed slashes of a surgeon’s blade branded onto a body that would never truly be his. 

It’s not my fucking fault either.

#🎶IIIIIIIIIII'M BACK ON MY BULLSHIT🎶 #not gonna publish the thing this is from for a while but anyways i love this passage #SEE #SEE HOW HE CALLS HIMSELF CT-9904 WHEN HE’S THINKING ABOUT HIS CHILDHOOD #BECAUSE ONE OF THE BIGGEST REASONS HE HATES HIS SCARS SO BADLY IS BECAUSE THEY’RE A SYMBOL OF KAMINOAN OWNERSHIP #this was so much fun to write i’m buzzing #i love making crosshair’s voice bleed into my writing style #free indirect discourse babyyyyyy #sorry gl i point blank refuse to use kriff for serious moments #best bit is where he just straight up goes hmmmm. i could traumatise this kid for life and show him exactly what the longnecks did to me bu #he’s not an angel and that’s why i love him #he’s VINDICTIVE #and everybody around him has to suffer for that because he can’t take it out on the kaminoans themselves #even the little kid who just wanted to show him a cool scar #(i did that to people all the time btw) #poor shaeeah has no idea shes dredging up crippling trauma #wip #tbb crosshair #the bad batch #tbb

[suncaptor]

makes me feel a bit insane that Britta is seen as being insane and selfish for being upset her parents who she's spent her life trying to get away from are using her friends to stalk her just because she's suffering financially and needs help.

#incoherents #community #britta perry #britta #she lists random events that are clearly indictiative of abuse from parents who cant even renember her childhood #and shes tried so hard to avoid them she's moved across the country at least on one occasion #and her friends spend game nights with them!?!?!? #like i do sort of get being willing to borrow money if you want to help her through them but even that is making her financially dependent #she's seen as insane for being willing to pay her parents back and drop her friends and change her while life because of this #but shes been betrayed by them??? theyre treating her as if shes crazy???? #also speaks volumes to the fact her friends are SO cruel to her. she is consistently bullied and treated badly #i dont like. particularly like her all the time or anything but the way everyone including the show treats her is horrendous #regardless of if shes a great person her friends shouldnt be cruel to her all the time????? #tracks that theyd do this 🙄🙄 #just rememberer jeff telling her shes selfish for being too proud to use her own support system and am full of rage again. like. #if you cant afford to help her without borrowing from her parents tell her oh my GOD #also the line about tinder. like she is fr being stalked and monitored against her consent #and it's treated like i guess a good thing since shes been homeless?????????? #ahhh

[confinesofmy]

i'm planning next week's picnic like if one thing goes wrong i'll be publicly beheaded. i'm locked in to such an absurd degree.

#also never shopping in my nearest town again maybe #i saw my cousin's ex who lives an hour away and her friend together which is so....... like wow i really thought i'd seen the last of him #very messy situation #started talking to a cashier/stocker i've spoken with on occasion for several years and she showed me some of her art & poetry (???) #got in line in front of one of my former classmate's dads who tried to proposition me right after my mom died #went to the new dollar store which has four self checkouts & one manned‚ tried to use a self checkout and the cashier said #'we don't have self checkouts' i said 'do you mean today or period' she said 'period' and we discussed how badly that's got them fucked up #they're literally running one of the self checkouts as a manned checkout when things get busy like... #and it was JUST built!! like just less than a year ago i think #i always come home from that town wanting to pull my hair out it's sooo strange!! like everything is craaazy #i also got fucking scammed! #i forgot to check until just now but the grocery store likes to run a weekly sale then not update the computers to reflect it #like they've done this for years and years #and i paid $1.99/lb for apples that were marked down to $1.12/lb so i overpaid a damn dollar #during the panini when it was my only source of groceries sometimes the difference would literally be like $50 because of big ticket items #i'd usually walk out‚ unload and read the receipt‚ then walk back in and get my refund. every friday. #and if i didn't i'd be out like $100/month for nothing on top of everything costing double what it did in the city #that place is fucking cursed. like there's just layers and layers of misery covering every surface. #adam yaps

[quietwingsinthesky]

the thing about me is that i will be obsessed with characters who revolve around each other and will forever and ever even if they don’t know it and who tear each other apart but also are the only reason each other exist

#sure they kill the dragon but they hatch her egg too. they’re her first meal. #sure she eats them alive but she gives them purpose. the end isn’t a place really its a thief. you go there and you can never stop again. #you just go back and go back and go back and it keeps pulling you out of the ground to lure you back to it. #you’re the story and its the finish line but it can’t be satisfied by you crossing it once. #there’s always another dragon. there’s always someone there to kill her. #to take her egg back home. to die there to feed her because they’re over they’re ending it’s done. start again. #there’s always another dragon. and there’s someone there to kill her. #you understand? its simple enough. #there’s also the cult but really that’s just bodies. endermen are just bodies. they’re pieces to be pulled apart and used to dig into old #strongholds. plucked out eyes and the people who die screaming to get them. but they don’t matter. there’s always more. #someone has to slay the dragon. someone has to get her egg. #i think its obvious that the dragon is not a good person. because its a dragon. by definition it cant be. #but its important to know that they aren’t either. that they’re not a hero on a quest to save anyone or free anything. #they just want to kill her. they don’t even know she exists until the moment they see her but they want to kill her so badly that they’ll #destroy anyone and everything to reach her and shoot her out of the sky. #you know. normal minecraft things.

[n4b3]

.

#genuinely just want her out of my life the pain i experienced whenever i see her is tremendous #it is equally as painful as being ill #i woke up at 4am and its almost 6 and i can't stop thinking about her #and i stupid ass girl thought everything would be fine that she would understand what im going through and cried my eyes out asking for hel #and yet i got nothing. thinking she was someone i could rely on #it is so painful to see the fragments of what we were in other people. but she has actively avoided me and treated me so badly #and yet i bite back when she does and it couldn't get any worse #and i held to that hope that there's a way it can be fixed there's hope to that promise she said she didn't want to lose me #and lose the connection we had for so many years #it's like she's that kind of person everybody likes. everybody friend. but its only there for the good times and not for the bad times #and made me wonder what does friend mean to other people? for me is for the ppl who are in the good and the bad #i just kind of realized i can't talk to her anymore bc it sends me on this spirals of why's why's why's #why is she like that with me? why didn't she kept up with her promise? what kind of shit did i do or say that made everything go south? #this is too much for me and i don't know what I did wrong #everywhere i go i just see her bc she's my classmate but also i can't scape her bc her art is suddenly in art galleries #she haunts me in a way #but i miss her so much and i just we could go back to what we used to be #and i don't understand why shes like that with me none of our common friends understand either and everyone telling me to drop her #because of her behavior #and im just here praying for someone to pop up into my life and take me out of this misery #but it is really one of the hardest things for me is to meet new people literally my Achilles heel #its so hard to go through this pain alone i can barely keep up with the illness i have this shit is the cherry on top #made me wish I had ride or dies #and I have so many reasons to hate her and treat her badly and awful and yet i don't do it... and I even forgave her what she did to me #treats me like I was the one who did what she did to me #is really so bizarre

[persistent-wallflower]

A bit tired of having to deal with my mind, ngl. 🤷‍♂️

#I've got a friend who's lovely and #at the party I've been at she sort of said to this guy that I'm staying here longer just like he does #since most of our group leaves soon #well she was subtly trying to sort of get us to spend some time together possibly. and that felt really nice #but I just jumped straight to internal embarrassment because now it's like I feel like I'm being put out there just to be rejected #because I feel like there's nothing I can really offer #and idk I liked that guy when we talked even though I was feeling quite shy and #I sorta wish I just could remain as 'not an option' so I didn't have to face rejection because I take it so badly in any form #and I don't even know what he thinks bc it's not like I showed interest. Just in case he wouldn't want anything to do with me uhh #so yeah humiliation is my go to feeling #and I don't have the strength to take any chances cause what if it all goes wrong like always #I overthink it I know but this is something that should be nice and chill and #I always find a way to turn things like that into torture #being aware doesn't change what I feel inside. If he wasn't interested for whatever reason and I was ok with it because we just met and #it's no big thing that'd be cool. If he wanted to hang out that'd be cool too. but I just always think I'll embarrass myself #so I'll just do nothing and hope nobody will notice to avoid rejection while feeling sad bc maybe someone would like me and I won't know #how can you live like this how can you live like this #that's fucked up but I'm fine and let's just go back to normal boring uneventful life ok. #about me