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feliix · 3 years

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Perfect Score ↠ Han Jisung

↠ Jisung x Reader (feat. Felix)

↠ Genre: Fluff, Angst, Smut, Fake Dating!AU, Childhood Friends to Lovers

↠ Rating: M (18+)

↠ Word Count: 14.9k

↠ Summary: As you return home to work at your local coffee shop, you’re swarmed with couples coming in on lovey-dovey on dates. You’ve always hated the idea of love, but it’s Jisung’s mission to make you change your mind in just two weeks time.

↠ Warnings: idiots 2 lovers, mutual pining, unprotected sex, fingering, soft sex, language, light mentions of marking, mentions of bad past relationships

“That's disgusting.”

You grimace in the most subtle way as you watch the man across the shop press a gentle kiss on the cheek of the woman next to him. For some reason your shop is packed with couples this evening. Not that you’ve been counting, but they’re probably the 50th overly lovey-dovey pair that you’ve seen this just this shift alone.

To say ‘love’ isn’t really your thing isn’t too far from the truth. Every time you’ve been burned by someone in the past has only made your hope about love deteriorate. Relationships suck. Already been there, done that, and you don’t plan on doing it again.

You’ve always stuck by the same theory; relationships either lead to heartbreak or marriage. And even still, marriage may still end in heartbreak, so what’s the point?

“Stop being so dramatic,” Jisung laughs, pulling you out of your thoughts as he rounds the corner. He’s just in time to catch your snide remark, surely it won’t be the last one you’ll make tonight though. He had just run to the back to get you a fresh package of cups after using up all the stock in the front.

Tonight is busy to say the least. The sun has already set, and it’s the afternoon rush when everyone comes in for their second daily dose of caffeine. And it’s definitely necessary – especially on a day as hot and exhausting as this one. It’s the third day that its been over 100º in a row and the humidity is doing a real number to your hair.

“It’s not dramatic,” you sigh, leaning on the counter behind you as Jisung maneuvers around you, placing the cups on the shelf underneath. In your mind it absolutely isnt. Its a mystery why all these people need to publicly display their affection in a coffee shop anyway...

It’s just the two of you on the schedule tonight. Your boss has always been kind of an asshole, just leaving 2 kids in their early twenties to run the shop by themselves while he went off to do god knows what. There's always been an aching suspicion that he just goes to the bar across the street, since his car is still parked behind the shop but he’s always nowhere to be found. That’s okay though, it's better than him looming over your shoulder and criticizing your technique the whole shift.

“Yeah, whatever you say,” Jisung shakes his head.

In stark contrast to yourself, Han Jisung is quite the hopeless romantic. So much so that he tends to search for love in all the wrong places. Maybe a better way to describe it is that Jisung has a series of flings. He’s not shy to test the waters of any girl he comes across – and there are many, many waters that he’s tested. Lucky you gets to hear all about each one, being his friend and all.

But to your good friend’s demise, his ‘relationships’ never end up working out for very long. Theres always some kind of fatal flaw that’s a means to an end. Whether it was Jisung’s fault or the girls, it’s always confused you why he could never hold onto something longer than a couple months. Jisung is a great guy, it didn’t make sense.

So great that you have been best friends with him for as long as you could remember. It all started that time in pre-k, where you poured a shovel of sand on his head in the sandbox. Initially, it did make him cry, but he got over it eventually. Ever since, he’s been right by your side, sandy hair and all.

“How much longer,” your eyes roll back in your head, neglecting to look at the watch on your wrist in fear that your shift has a significant amount of time left. The night has been dragging on since you stepped foot in the door and heard the little jingle as it opened. You wouldn’t be surprised if you’d only made it through half your shift thus far.

“Just under an hour. Want to start the closing checklist so we can get outta here?” Jisung offers, reaching for the rag and sanitation bucket at the end of the counter.

Nodding your head, you follow his plan – beginning your mission to clean like a speed demon so you can leave no later than at 8 o’clock on the dot.

Luckily, closing tonight goes as smoothly as it possibly can. You and Jisung are ready to get out of there at 8 on the dot, thanks to your determination to mop like a mad woman and stock the front as fast as humanly possible.

The air outside feels crisper than usual. Maybe its because you’ve been locked up in a small room that smells like coffee beans for 10 hours, but you’ll never get enough of the night air.

“So what are we doing tonight?”Jisung asks, his fingers adjusting the headband that sits just above his forehead.

“I was planning on going home and getting some rest…” you trail off, avoiding eye contact with him. Jisung always goes out after your weekend shifts and never lets up on convincing you to tag along. So you can’t look at him, his eyes are much too convincing make contact with, and you are beyond exhausted from working a double today.

“Gah you’re so boring,” he teases, stopping in his tracks in the center of the parking lot to ruffle the hair on top of your head, “it was an early night we should do something.”

With a deep sigh, you stop as well, smoothing down your hair as a pout forms on your lips. The suggestive smirk settling across Jisung’s face is telling; he knows he’s about to get his way before you have the chance to turn him down or fish for another excuse. So you tilt your head, subtly rolling your eyes as you wait for him to explain what his big plans for tonight are.

“I’ll be at your house by 9.”

Accepting defeat, you shoot him a thumbs up before turning to get into your car. Asking any more questions would take away any time you had to wash up – and smelling like coffee beans any longer is going to drive you up a wall since it hasn't already.

It doesn’t take much time for you to rush home and get ready, and before you know it Jisung is there to pick you up. Only a few minutes late, but that’s just par for the course and right on time in Jisung terms.

The car ride to your destination feels like a blur with how exhausted you are. So when you end up at your favorite boba spot, you immediately perk up. Those tapioca pearls always manage to give you a second wind.

But when Jisung decides to take a seat at one of the round tables just outside the shop instead of getting back in the car you know somethings up. You were expecting to hop back in the passenger seat of his car, maybe listen to some music for a while and drive around to kill time.

Initially he doesn’t say much. His legs just bounce hyperactively while he fidgits with the straw of his drink. It’s almost like he’s waiting for you to speak up; his eyes staring down at the cup in front of him instead of sipping from it, lip caught between his teeth.

The energy is off. Not only did you expect to hang out and do something adventurous like Jisung normally would, but now you’re watching his cheeks grow red while avoiding conversation.

Awkward silence becoming too much to bear, you take matters into your own hands. “So how are things going with that girl?”

“Oh yeah,” he sighs, his fingertips drumming along the surface of the table, “she didn’t really work out.”

Unsurprised by his response, you just nod along. Its always to expect since he’s the pickiest person you’ve ever met. His last relationship ended because he thought the girl breathed too loudly. The girl before that had an annoying laugh, and then the one before that didn’t like cheesecake. There always seems to be a laundry list of deal-breakers tied along to each one of Jisung’s relationships, and that is something you’ll always expect.

“You’re probably better off.”

You don’t think much of the words before they leave your lips. Relationships are a ton of work, and you’ve never understood the point of to putting all your effort into something like that. There is a way to just be happy on your own, you know.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” his eyebrows furrowing in response, hands gripping his thighs in anticipation

“You know what I think,” you tilt your heat matter-of-factly, “relationships are kind of just a waste of time.”

“What is with you and all this ‘anti-love’ stuff anyway, Y/N?”

Now thats a response that you are not prepared for. The question catches you off guard, a boba bubble almost catching in your throat leaving you a coughing mess. Jisung chuckles at your discomfort, waiting patiently for you to get it all out and just answer his question, as uncomfortable as it is.

“I’ve wasted too much time with too many dead-beat guys to even think about love,” you sigh again, your coughing fit subsiding as you reach for your cup once again.

“Not every guy is a dead-beat.”

His words carry a harsh bite to them, almost as if he finds you’ve said offensive. It burns his ego a bit, assuming that you’re grouping him in with all the guys you’ve been with in the past. Which is strange, Jisung should know that he’s different. For one, you’ve never dated him before and two, if he was such a dead-beat you wouldn’t have kept him around for so long.

You aren’t able to talk to guys, or most people for that matter, in the same way that you talk to Jisung. He’s the one you rant about all the assholes to. He knows all the shit that you don’t tell anyone else, he’s like your own personal human diary. Secrets are always safe with him, it's not like he has anyone who would listen to the gossip even if he wanted to tell.

After a minute of silence his expression changes, Jisung’s eyes squinting at you in that ‘I have a crazy idea’ type of way. It’s a look that you haven’t seen very often, and you can’t say that you’ll ever get used to it.

“Okay then I’ll make you a deal,” he proposes, a glimmering look in his eye that made you somewhat nervous. You never know what you are getting with Jisung, but most of the time his ‘deals’ are on the crazier side.

“What is it?” You still ask although you’re a bit nervous to hear his answer. If his plan is to set you up with one of his delinquent friends or something–

“Be my girlfriend.”

Your eyes widen as the words fall from his tongue, confusion taking over your expression as a small chuckle slips past his lips. Instinctively your stomach tightens, the air around you now feeling a bit heaver each second time ticks on. He can't be serious…

“Your what?”

“Two weeks is all I’m asking for. Be my girlfriend for just two weeks, and I’ll show you that love isn’t as shitty as you think it is.”

“You’ve gotta be kidding me” you shake your head, a disbelieving smile stretching wide across your face.

“C’mon Y/N,” he challenges, “it’s two weeks of your life, what else do you have to do? I think it could be fun.”

The quirk of his eyebrow and quick squint of his eyes grabs your attention. He’s serious about this, scarily serious, and you aren’t quite sure how to react to that.

“What’s in it for you?” Your chin falls into your palm as you stare at him, waiting for his response.

“Well for one,” he starts, a sigh leaving his lips, “if it works then I won’t have to listen to you complain about how much relationships suck anymore.”

Just when you don't think you can roll your eyes any further into the back of your head, your own actions surprise you. If looks could kill, the one you’re giving him right now would surely take him out. He doesn’t pay much mind to it though, he’s used to your sass and just shrugs it off.

“This is an awful idea,” you glare at him as if it will change his mind. You’re certain this experiment of his would not change your own. Love sucked, and that was that.

“Two weeks,” his voice carries a taunting tone, his eyebrows wiggling to entice you into his plan. He isn’t going to give up on this easily, you know Jisung. And Jisung always gets his way.

“Fine,” you huff, “two weeks and that’s it. And if my mind isn’t changed you owe me 3 more of these,” you say, picking up your boba from the table and shaking it at eye-level for emphasis.

His bottom lip catches between his teeth, satisfied with your response. He isn’t exactly sure how he’ll manage to pull this off, but he’s definitely up for the challenge.

“We start tomorrow at 8, I’ll pick you up after work.”

Crossing your arms over the table, you bury your head in your arms. This is going to be the most interesting two weeks of your entire life.

“Wait, you're like dating dating the Han Jisung?” Felix’s jaw drops, excitement prevalent on his face as you spill about your night with Jisung.

Felix is the only person in your life that understood your hatred for relationships, other than Jisung of course. Not that he shares the hatred himself, he’s just heard enough about how much you despise being in one to know just how you felt. He’s only heard about it every day for the past several summers.

Felix is your best friend, other than Jisung of course. He’s also the only person in this world that you could bear to work with on a Saturday morning.

“That's the plan,” you sigh fiddling with the containers on the counter. It’s pretty slow for a Saturday morning, only a handful of customers have come in so far and it's already 11 am.

That’s the thing about working at a coffee shop – and it sucks when it's busy, and it sucks even more when it's slow. At least it isn't a terrible job, you at least have Jisung and Felix to keep you company and that's always worthwhile.

“And for the record,” you turn to look at Felix, a grin still evident on his face, “I don’t think this is gonna change my mind about the love stuff.”

“You know how Jisung is,” his eyebrow lifts, “so you never know. Maybe something could happen.”

If anyone was surprised that you were dating someone, fake relationship or not, it would be Felix. On top of that, you’re dating Han Jisung. As in, the same Jisung that ended a 3-month relationship last year because the girl ‘smelled too much like peaches’ and it was ‘too good to be true.’ And now that you’re the one stuck with him for the next 14 days, it is only a matter of time until he finds the deal-breaking trait that turns him away from you.

“Okay no, that's exactly why this is only two weeks. If I know Jisung, he’ll be over it before the 2 weeks even ends.”

“Whatever you say,” the pitch of his voice is raised teasingly. You can tell he doesn’t believe this will be just a ‘two-week thing’ by the funny little look on his face. You hate that look, and you hate how Felix always seems to be right.

Subsequently Felix sees a lot of things that you aren’t able to see for yourself. You’ve grown up with Jisung, grown accustomed to his unique mannerisms and behaviors without even noticing. Felix, on the other hand, has a different point of view.

He’s not in it like you are, so gets to see the way Jisung looks at you; the way he hangs on each and every word that leaves your mouth with a sparkle in his eye. He notices that Jisung longs to make you laugh. And he watches the toothy grin each that grows on your face each time a chuckle breaks through your lips. Felix notices every behavior that you see as nothing more than ‘friendly.’ But who is he to say? So, for now, the information remains tucked away and stored in his mind for a later date.

Your fingers drum on the clean marble countertop beside you, leaning against it as you wait for a customer to come in. All this time with nothing to do is really doing wonders for your imagination; thinking about what Jisung has planned for the two of you to do tonight. Nothing special, you hope, he really doesn’t need to go all out for this.

The lack of customers and silence that's fallen among the shop is just making it easier for your mind to wander off. It was beginning to make you sick how much you were thinking about Jisung and nothing has even happened yet. It's not like you have any reason to be nervous, but keeping all these thoughts trapped in your thick skull is starting to give you a headache

“He’s picking me up after work.” You blurt it out without thinking much about it. No one is here, you might as well lay it all out there for Felix to know since there's nothing better to do.

“He’s picking you up? Like you’re going on a date?”

“Shut upppp,” your eyes roll at his teasing nature, growing slightly embarrassed by how giddy the thought of this ‘date’ is making him, and you for that matter. It’s just Jisung. And you are just hanging out like you do every other night. There's nothing different about tonight and you’ll be able to prove that to yourself and Felix by the next time you see him.

The rest of you shift flies by – it always does when you work with Felix. Before you know it, the closing checklist is coming to an end, only a few steps left before you can finally get out of here. The clock had just turned to 7:55 pm, but Jisung still isn’t here. Not that you’re expecting him to be on time or anything, this is still the same Jisung you have always known.

What you aren’t familiar with is the nervous butterflies fluttering around in your tummy as the clock approaches 8 pm. What are you even nervous about? It isn’t a blind date, other than the fact that you have no idea what you’re doing. And it isn’t even a date. It’s Jisung for crying out loud.

Speaking of the devil, the chimes in the front of the shop ring as Jisung passes through the doorway. You don’t see who it is at first, your back turns to the door as you sweep behind the counter. The chimes ringing at this time of night do trigger your fight or flight instincts though, ready to turn to whoever is approaching and give them a dirty look for coming in this close to closing time.

But once you turn around and see Jisung standing in the doorway with a bouquet of sunflowers, your tension quickly subsides. You swear that you can feel your heart skip a beat, heat rising to your cheeks as you try your hardest to form a coherent sentence. It's okay that you aren’t able to, though, the surprised look on your face is enough for his smile to light up the room.

“I’m here to pick up the pretty girl with the espresso stain on her shirt,” he chuckles, his bottom lip catching between his teeth nervously.

Tonight he’s dressed a lot nicer than usual comfy attire; a nice shirt with a pair of dark jeans that hug his slim figure. His hair is a lot lighter too – a vast change from the midnight black strands that normally frame his face. He’s really going all out for this thing – and right now all that you’re wearing a pair of running shorts and a t-shirt with coffee stains down the front.

When you look to your right, Felix is just as stunned as you are. Frozen in his spot as his jaw practically sweeps the floor, he looks at you with wide eyes, his eyebrows raised as a smug expression crosses his face. For a second you contemplate asking him if he’s all set to finish the closing checklist on his own, but before you’re able to speak up he’s already shooing the two of you out the door.

With a goofy grin displayed across his face, Jisung hands you the bundle of flowers, tied together with a delicate white ribbon. You mumble a thank you, still stunned that he showed up here looking like that to take you out tonight. So he is the romantic type, note taken.

“You like nice,” you gulp nervously. It already feels like a date and you haven’t even left the parking lot yet. If this is how things are going to start you had an exciting 13 more days ahead of you...

“So do you,” he smirks, his eyes wandering down to the small brown stains littering your shirt. Eyes narrowing, you read the expression crossing his face – of course, he’s joking. “I brought you some fresh clothes to change into don’t worry.”

Relief rushes through your body as the words leave his lips, followed by a slight pull on your heart strings. Knowing he took the time to think about bringing you something else to wear so you didn’t have to sit in your coffee scented clothes all night made you feel warm in the strangest way. He’s thoughtful, and it's weirding you out – but in a good way.

“So, where are we even going?”

“You’ll see.”

A vague yet interesting, and very on-brand response from Jisung. He’s always been a fan of surprises – as long as he’s not on the receiving end.

The drive to your destination drags on forever. You aren’t quite sure how long you’ve been on your way; between your agile back seat changing of clothes, which you are surprisingly skilled at, and the anticipation coursing through your veins, you’ve lost track of time. All you know is that you’ve been driving along the backroads of your area for at least 15 minutes, and there is nothing around you to indicate that your destination is near.

“This is it.” The car pulls into a small dirt parking lot, dimly lit by some dingy street lights that aren’t doing a very good job at their primary function. It's pretty hard to see what’s around you, no matter how hard you squint and press your forehead to the window to get a better look.

“Where are we?” The question leaves your lips in a worried fashion. Trees surround the parking lot on all three-sides, while the road you've pulled in from occupies the fourth-side. You’re hesitant to get out of the car, but as Jisung rounds the front and opens the door for you, you’re on your way out. He motions for you to hold on as he pops the trunk – returning with a blanket and a reusable shopping bag filled with god knows what.

He still hasn’t given an answer to your question though, and you still aren’t quite sure where you are. If It was lighter out you assume it would be beautiful here, all the greenery dark and shadows hovering over you from the trees.

The bright light from his cell phone flashlight lights up the way, a path on your right

“Hell no,” your arms cross over your chest as you stand still in your place. He’s out of his mind if he thinks you’re going into the woods this late at night. You’ve seen enough horror films, stuff like this never ends well.

“C’mon, it’s not as bad as it looks,” Jisung laughs at your pouting manner, amusement filling his system as you glue your feet to the ground of the parking lot. His puppy dog eyes plead for you to follow him, a hand outreaching in your direction for the taking. You contemplate it for a moment, your eyes narrowing as you ponder the possible outcomes of the situation before you.

“Fine,” you huff as you take his hand in yours.

His hand feels different in yours this time. His long fingers lacing between your smaller ones in the perfect fit that you’ve neglected to notice before. You’ve held his hand before, platonically though. This time it’s platonic too though, right? It’s just a date. A platonic date between two friends. Two friends who are dating on a two week trial period. So yes, it is strictly platonic. Right?

The dirt path doesn’t drag on for too long, but the sounds of bugs ticking and twigs breaking beneath your feet is enough to startle you. Every scared and breathy gasp that leaves your mouth is followed by a small fit of laughter from Jisung. At least one of you is amused.

But the dirt path soon turns rocky, a clearing becoming more and more noticeable as Jisung’s flashlight brightens the way ahead of you. The rows of trees come to an end as the ground flattens, a giant slab of rock lying beneath your feet. Out ahead of you is completely dark, and until you approach the darkness you don’t notice that you’re just a few yards away from the edge of a cliff. A river lies below the edge, the sound of water rushing fills your ears and calms your nerves. It is quiet out here, peaceful and without distraction.

Jisung stands back as you admire the scenery around you – your own phone flashlight now out and panning around to look at the view. It’s beautiful out here, nothing to worry about but the sounds of the water and whatever Jisung is doing behind you…

You couldn’t have zoned out for more than 2 minutes, but once you turn back around to face him a picnic blanket lies on the ground before you. Snacks scatter the extent of the fabric, a few candles placed in the center

“You really went all out for this, huh?” A nervous laugh leaves your lips before you swallow harshly. Never in your life has a guy ever gone all out like this for you. A late-night picnic at a secret location, fixed with all of your favorite snacks and some candles for ambiance.

“Had to,” he smiles, “it’s our first date.”

You join him on the blanket, grabbing for a bag of popcorn as you sit down. Maybe relationships wouldn’t suck so much if all men treated you like this…

But it’s just Jisung. Jisung who already knows all your favorite things to eat. He’s just trying to be convincing – to prove to you that men take you on dates, do nice things. But stuff like this never lasts. Two weeks from now you’ll be going back to the same old Jisung and Y/N friendship that you’ve always had.

The conversation goes on as normal tonight, he doesn’t make any moves (as expected, it’s Jisung) and you enjoy the view and calm atmosphere with your fake but not so fake boyfriend. You stay out on the cliff for a few more hours before he takes you home. Jisung put a lot of effort into making tonight special, and you appreciate him for that. But even after all his effort, you know that real relationships aren’t like this.

Every guy you’ve dated would try to woo you over in the beginning too. They call it the honeymoon stage for a reason. Things are always great in the beginning, lavish gifts and dates, loving gestures. That kind of thing never lasts. Soon the effort runs out, the guy gets bored of putting the work in, and they end up sleeping with your freshman year roommate. Well, at least that's how it is for you.

The bundle of sunflowers Jisung gave to you earlier on in the night sits on the end table next to your bed. Each time you look at them all you can picture is the goofy grin he sported as he stood at the entrance of the coffee shop. It replays in your mind like a movie. How he dressed up all spiffy just to take you out. How he took you to a spot only he knew about, somewhere so off-site and serene that he knew you’d remain uninterrupted. You can’t help but wonder if he’s using the same old tricks on you that he does to other girls though. If he only knew about that place because he’s taken someone there before.

Not that it matters though, you aren’t his real girlfriend. You’re just on a trial period. But for some reason the thought that he might have brought another girl to the same spot before doesn’t sit well with you.

“Sooooo,” Felix teases, letting his chin fall into his palm as he leans on the counter before him, “how was your date with Y/N?”

Jisung chuckles at his nosiness, he’s sure you’ve already told Felix all about it. There are no secrets left between you two. Even sometimes Jisung felt like the odd man out when you’re all together.

“It was good.”

Jisung keeps his answer short, leaving the rest up to his imagination. He isn’t one to kiss and tell – or to not kiss and tell. Keeping his private life all to himself is something he takes pride in, things are just better that way.

“Just good?” Felix challenges, knowing there is much more that he’s leaving out. His eyes narrow as he waits for his response. You haven’t told him anything about last night, not even where you went after he picked you up. Things are radio silent on your end, which left Felix dying to know what actually happened on your ‘date that wasn't a real date.’

Jisung glances back at him, contemplating whether or not he should spill the beans. It would be kind of nice to have someone else to confide in. Especially since it's always you on the receiving end of his secrets; however, this may be the one secret that you don’t know of.

He chews on his bottom lip pensively, if anyone knows what’s on your mind, it would be Felix. Not that Jisung would ever want to pry, there's just no indication of how you feel about last night, or about him. Before Jisung can even open his mouth to speak, a knowing smirk is spread wide across Felix’s face. It’s that kind of look that makes him nervous – he knows something.

“You like her don’t you,” he muses, rubbing his hands together smooths as the words catch in the air. It’s out there now – and it’s obvious. Well, maybe not obvious, but it's clear as day to Felix – and that is more than enough to make Jisung worry.

“I don’t,” Jisung denies the other boy’s claim, his willpower too strong to give in.

“Oh yeah? So why do you self sabotage every one of your relationships then?”

The words catch Jisung off guard; his jaw clenching harshly as an annoyed breath is forced out of his nostrils. He wants to deny the claim once again, but he can’t bring himself to keep brushing off these feelings that have had a grip on him ever since he was young.

Felix is right too. He does sabotage each relationship that comes his way. Jisung goes out of his way to find something wrong with each girl he dates. He can never admit it to himself, but in the back of his mind, he knows that it's the fact that none of those girls are you. None of the girls he’s ever met could ever match up to all that you are. In his mind, you held the perfect score, and no one else had ever come close.

“It’s written all over your face every time you look at her you know.”

There's no way he’s that obvious... Did his feelings show that much whenever he was around you?

“What do you mean?” Jisung clarifies, the small once of hope bearing weight in his chest that Felix will follow up with a ‘just kidding’ or change the subject. Only the silence that falls on the room is enough of a response for Jisung to get the clue.

“Just please don’t tell her,” he avoids eye contact with the other boy, hand gripping harshly on the countertop as he stares down at the black and white checkered tile. “I just wanted to see if I could change her mind – about the love stuff, you know?”

The second you find out about Jisung’s feelings all bets would be off. There’s no way you’d let your little arrangement continue, not if either of you could end up hurt. And he knows you only agreed to this because there is nothing between you romantically, it was a deal between two friends. The second feelings get involved, everything gets all mushy and confusing, and Jisung can’t lose you.

Felix bears his weight on the counter behind him, leaning comfortably on the cool glass. “Believe me, I want her to be done with that ‘I hate love thing’ just as much as you do,” he sighs, looking around momentarily before he clears his throat. “Want me to be honest?”

“Please.”

“I think you might be the only one who can change her mind.”

Jisung’s heart skips a beat once the words leave Felix’s mouth. Blood rushes to his ears, pumping like a snare drum as he considers his thoughts. His stomach begins to twist as he considers it, almost confused about what Felix means, but not willing to accept it. You only agreed to fake-date him, you still hate love.

A comfortable silence fills the air, Felix watching him as his lips roll between his teeth, deep in thought. Change your mind. The words repeat in Jisungs head like a broken record. That’s what he’s trying to do, all for the right reasons of course. So that you don’t have to be so miserable about it anymore.

But behind those selfless reasons are several smaller, selfish ones. He gets to be with you as more than a friend now, and although it’s nothing more than some kind of test run, he can’t help but feel like this can be something more too. It’d be crazy to ignore the feeling he has deep in his chest, and maybe it's a sign not to.

“Like you think…” Jisung gulps, clearing his throat as the words stutter out of his mouth, “I could get her to fall for me?”

The lack of response that Felix gives is ominous, but the raise of his eyebrows and toothy grin forming on his face needs no words to tell.

If anyone is to change your mind, it’ll be Jisung.

That night Jisung took you to the drive-in movies. To be quite honest, you couldn’t really recall what was playing, some Pixar film with bugs as the main character if you could remember it correctly. You were far too distracted laughing with Jisung, watching as young kids played around on a grassy patch near his car. The giggles that left his lips each time the little girl waved to him were music to your ears. You never noticed how much he loved kids, how good he was with them.

The image of his hands clasped together as he fawned over the little girl, picking dandelions in the grass and racing to place them by your feet was burned into your memory. The boxy grin that graced his face all night long. The way his eyes squinted from his cheeks, pushing up as he smiled so big. The whispers of the word ‘cute’ each time her pigtails bounced while she toddled away.

Missing the movie doesn't disappoint you. If anything, the memories you've saved from tonight are more than enough.

The next night you were unable to go out, the shop was so busy that you were not able to leave until an hour and a half after your shift was supposed to end. Some punk kid dropped a cup of iced coffee on the floor on his way out and decided it would be best to leave it there without cleaning anything up or letting you know. Maybe if it hadn’t been so busy then you would have noticed the spill before it dried up and there were coffee stains stuck to the tile floors.

Naturally, you spent a good 15 minutes trying to mop up all the stickiness on the floor. But to your luck, Jisung is working with you that night. Once all the customers left the shop he hooked his phone up to the speakers, grabbed your hands, and danced you around the shop. Well, it was supposed to be dancing but it probably looked more like Jisung swinging your arms as you attempted to not trip over your own feet.

It makes up for not getting to go out though, and you’d take a night like that over a fancy dinner any chance you got.

It’s been 12 days since you became Jisung‘s girlfriend, and as the remaining days decreased, so did your hatred for love. Each night he planned something special. The real kicker was the texts that you get once he makes it home from dropping you off every night. A simple ‘I had a great time tonight’ was enough to make your heart swell and heat rise to your cheeks.

And as you notice your hatred for love and relationships leaving you, you notice another feeling enter your system. Or several feelings…

Things are getting just as sticky as the night when two frappuccinos splattered all over the shop floor, whipped cream and all. Spending time with Jisung like this is bringing some things to the surface you didn’t know were buried in the first place.

Every night that you spent with Jisung over the past 12 days allowed you to see him in a new light. You got to see him on a different level than just friends. You got to see what every girl that fawns over Jisung experiences.

Something about your friendship never let you jump past that barrier. You only see him as a dear friend of yours. Nothing more and nothing less. And now the issue is that...you aren’t sure how you’ll ever go back to see him as such.

You like Jisung as more than a friend, that's for sure. And you know because of that things will never be able to go back to the way they once were.

Maybe you're reading too much into it, but your gut is telling you that you aren't the only one feeling this way.

The feeling of butterflies that pound in your stomach each time you meet eyes with him has to be reciprocated. There is just no way you can be feeling this way and he isn’t.

This isn’t like the feelings you’ve caught for any guy before, this is something else. Every night when you go home you lay in bed, staring at your ceiling with a dumb grin on your face as you think about your time together, about him. About the way his black curly hair falls in front of his eyes each time he looks down and how his smile lights up every room he was in.

These things that you were so blind to before can’t escape your thoughts, and it makes you wonder how many times or things you’ve looked over that make you melt, just like you are right now.

But in just 2 days, this trial-boyfriend period will be over, and you’ll have to go back to being just friends. Each day, each hour, each minute that approaches feels heavier and heavier. Anxiety floods your system each time you think about things being over, or that this arrangement you have isn’t even real.

When you think about the growing feelings you have for him, you honestly can't imagine what your life will be like any other way. What it would be like going back to just hanging out here and there. And what it would be like

You can’t even fathom thinking about what it would be like hearing him talk about another girl again. It makes you sick thinking that there's going to be someone after you, because in just 5 days this will be all over, and you’ll go back to being the girl best friend, nothing more.

Maybe it’s just wishful thinking that Jisung has more feelings for you too. But the glimmer in his eyes as his bangs brush out of his eyes and they land on you tells a different story. When he looks at you it feels like you are the only two people on earth. He sees nothing else but you, and the way your eyes sparkle back at him.

Each day you spend with Jisung after that feels like a wrench tightening the screws of your heart. 14 days is just not enough.

“Earth to Y/N,” Felix says waving a hand in your face.

You must have zoned out, for god knows how long.

“Thinking about Jisung?”

“What?” you immediately straighten your posture and brush yourself off before responding, “N-no…I’m just thinking.”

“Right,” the sarcasm drips from his lips, not sparing you any time to save yourself as he turns away, beginning to wipe off the tables in the front.

For personal reasons, you’ve kept Felix out of the loop during this whole “fake-boyfriend Jisung” thing. It’s better if you keep your feelings to yourself until you figure them out. And although it feels really really strange not giving Felix the intel on what’s going on in your life, you know it’s for your own good.

Once you put what is in your head out into the world, you can’t take it back. And what if all these things that you’re feeling is just a part of the honeymoon-phase. If that even existed anyway… But if all these feelings for Jisung are due to him trying to woo you and change your mind, everything will just fade away as things return back to normal. And then you’ll be left loving him in silence while you watch him blow through relationships like a leaf blows through the wind.

Something in you tells you that this isn't the case, but the small shadow of doubt in the back of your mind keeps you from talking to your best friend about it anyway.

The thing is, you don't have to tell Felix for him to know. Every time Jisung picks you up from work to take you out you shine. Your smile spreads so wide he’s afraid your cheeks will tear. The nervous shake of your fingers as you grab for your belongings as you head out the door doesn’t go unnoticed in Felix’s eyes. He knows you too well to look over things like this, he just wanted to wait for you to say something first.

But now that you aren’t, Felix has decided to take matters into his own hands, asking you about it himself.

“Felix,” you start, waiting for his attention before you pull out a stool, sitting down and motioning for him to follow suit. Quickly he does, a questioning but knowing look evident on his face as the stool squeaks under him. “You know how this thing between Jisung and I is just an experiment or whatever?”

He nods in response, his hand quickly falling into his palm as he listens intently to your words.

“I think I messed up.” Your head is buried in your arms, laid over the tabletop in embarrassment.

“What do you mean?”

His question is more for clarification, he wants to hear you say it yourself. Felix knows that you’re gonna tell him that you’ve already caught feelings. He sees it coming from a mile away, you confirming it is just the icing on the cake.

“Don’t make me say it,” you whine, neglecting to pick your head up and look at him. You can feel the grin on his face. You know he's smirking at you right now, doing his best to hold back a laugh. Finally, you over the ‘I hate love and relationships suck’ thing.

“I have no clue what you’re talking about,” he sings, quite obviously teasing you while another deep sigh echoes from your chest. You manage to pick your head up, leaning onto your elbows with your chin caught between your palms as you face him.

“I like him.”

It comes out as a whisper, but Felix hears it loud and clear. If you didn’t know better, you’d assume that the smile on his face can't grow any larger, but it does. He jumps up from his chair in victory, doing a funny dance with his arms whooping in the air to celebrate. You’re confused as to why, but you’re too far in your own thoughts to pay it any mind; your head just sinks back into your arms as your forehead presses against the cold metal table beneath you.

“I knew it,” Felix smiles, his happy dance subsiding as he positions himself back down across from you. “I knew this fake dating thing was gonna work.

“Yeah well it really worked, because now I have feelings for a guy that’s never gonna reciprocate them for me.” Your tone is laced with sarcasm, a disappointing ring sounding off on each of your words. You’re too embarrassed to look at the boy sitting before you, worried that if you do all the emotions you’ve been holding onto for so long will spill over and stain your stone-cold image; one you’ve maintained for far too long.

But Felix is your best friend. The only one that you should be comfortable being vulnerable about your feelings for Jisung with; for some reason all you can’t bring yourself to be. Before you can get a grip on your emotions tears are streaming down your face and falling onto the cold metal surface under you in small puddles.

A sympathetic sigh leaves Felix’s lips as he tries to gain your attention, “Hey.”

Inhaling deeply, you face him – mascara strewn across your face in black streaks and eyes nearly bloodshot. You’ve held this in for far too long. Only a double would tire you out and exhaust you enough to cry on the clock. Thank god it’s a rainy day, no customers ever come in on rainy days.

Or at least, no customers usually come in on rainy days. It's not until you hear the bells on the front door ring that you’re wiping your eyes, whipping around to greet whoever was entering.

And then you see him, standing there as he shakes out his umbrella, a bouquet of sunflowers in his hand.

And he sees you; mascara running down your face and tears staining your cheeks. He’s early. Your stomach turns at the sight of him, emotions not stable enough to handle carry a normal conversation like

“Y/N,” his voice is quiet, worry dripping in his tone as your name leaves his lips. But you can’t face him right now, not like this.

Your feet move faster than you mind, standing up and rushing to the back to avoid him. Jisung doesn’t follow you, just stands there and watches you walk away, solemn and worried that he’s done something.

It’s not until Felix is rising from his seat and pacing over to him that he’s brought back to reality.

“Jisung...” he starts, hands coming up slowly to console him, “I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to be here right now.”

“Wh-what’s wrong?” His lip worries between his teeth, eyes glossy as he stares at the door you just closed behind you. He’s looking at it intently, mind flooding with worry, wishing so badly that the door will just fly open, and you’ll tell him what was going on. In the back of his mind, he knows that you won’t, at least not for now. Talking about emotions has never been your strong suit, and chances of that changing at this moment are at an all-time low.

Felix is unsure how to answer him, caught in between not wanting to lie and keeping your feelings private. He can’t speak for you; but he’s scared that saying nothing could just make this whole situation worse.

His mouth gapes as he searches for a response to his question, lips opening and closing while he hums to himself.

The umbrella hanging from Jisung’s hand drops with a crash, starling Felix as he jumps at the sudden sound. But before he is even able to speak, the bell to the front door is ringing again, and Jisung is walking away into the pouring rain.

The next day you wake up feeling numb. You’ve received several texts from Jisung the night before, none of which you have the energy to reply to or even look at for that matter.

The guilt riddling your body has become too much for you to handle. You left work last night without even saying goodbye to Felix. He’s a good enough friend and coworker to know that what you’re going through is more important than working the counter at an coffee shop.

After Jisung left, Felix came back and let you know; he almost had to break down the door to the backroom in order for you to let him in. He told you to go home, get some rest and that you’d talk tomorrow.

But after waking up the last thing you want to do is talk about Jisung, it hurts enough just thinking about him.

Every time you thought about how your arrangement was supposed to end in just a few days you felt sick. You have worked so hard to open up just to build your walls back up again. And now you’re back at square one.

When you agreed to be Jisung’s girlfriend you did not expect to fall for him like this. He’s Jisung for god’s sake. He’s your personal diary, he’s the one who knows all the shit that nobody else does. And he’s the only one that listens to all the dumb shit you have to say that no one else cares about.

Feelings ruin everything. Love sucks, and you knew this before you agreed. You agreed under the circumstances that Jisung could show you that relationships could be fun; not under the circumstances that he would make you fall in love with him,

And the more that you think about it, maybe you were always in love with him. Maybe you always had these feelings for him, but they were trapped in the tight bonds of friendship that your subconscious never let you out.

But none of that even mattered now. The deal had to be off, and you need to distance yourself from Jisung before you are hurt any worse. The longer this goes on the worse that you are going to feel when it's all over.

How are you supposed to go back to normal after this? Like is Jisung thinking that showing you how amazing relationships are, you won't fall for him or something? Or does his true plan consist of making you fall in love with him, just to string you along like every other girl he's dated?

You’re trapped in the never-ending spiraling thoughts, soiling your image of Jisung with each new theory that crosses your mind. None of them are good. All of them paint him as a player, as someone who just used you.

But the little thump in your heart when you notice the sunflowers placed on your bedside table wants your mind to change. Your heart wants you to believe that Jisung feels something too, that throughout this arrangement he has seen a different side to you too – that he’s fallen for you just like you have for him.

It's a knock at your door that guides you out of your thoughts. The repetitive tapping at your front door that drags you out of bed. And when you check your peephole and it's no one else, but your small blonde best friend standing on your doorstep that has relief rushing through your system.

The door cracks open, Felix standing there with an umbrella in his hand – even though it was nearly 100º with clear skies.

“Why are you still in your pajamas? It's noon.”

Suddenly, he pushes past you and invites himself into to your living room. Plopping down on your couch, Felix makes himself comfortable as he waits for you to join. You spin on your heels, an exhausted breath leaving your mouth as you pace over to him, plopping down on the next cushion over.

“Why the umbrella?” Your brow furrows as he hands it over. You take it though, still confused behind the meaning of the object that you're holding and where it came from.

“It’s Jisung’s.”

You nearly drop it as his name leaves his lips. The name causes your stomach to tighten, mouth-drying instantly as emotions well behind your eyes.

“Why?” Is all you can mutter out. Why was he giving it to you, why is he here, and why did he have it?

“You need to bring it back to him.” He says sternly, his eyes locked on you as he waits for you to look back at him. But you’re too focused on the umbrella placed gently in your hands, tracing your finger over every wire and the soft rubber handle.

“I can’t.” Your words come out in a whisper, breath light and airy as you sigh, sinking your body back into the couch cushions. Giving the umbrella back to Jisung will mean that you have to go see him. And if you see him, he’s going to want to talk to you about last night, then question you about why you haven’t been returning his texts. No. You will not be giving Jisung his umbrella back.

“Y/N,” your name leaves his mouth gently, a sigh following it before he reaches for you, rubbing your arm comfortingly before continuing, “I think you need to talk to him.”

“Felix you know I can’t do that.”

You’re serious in your words. Not that you don’t want to talk to Jisung. You most definitely want to – and if you could, you would. But you can’t. There are too many emotions involved. The wound is fresh and seeing him would be rubbing salt right into it.

“Y/N,” he sighs, this time more forceful, like he’s trying to get something across to you but it's going right over your head. “Talk to him. Please.”

“You know I’m going to end up hurt if I do.” Tears well in your eyes as the words croak from your throat. It's dry and scratchy, full of fear and anxiety.

“I think you’d be surprised,” he mumbles, his eyes instantly widening on realizing the words that just escaped. Eyes wide with confusion, you’re begging him to go on, but if he does then Jisung won’t be the only one in deep shit right now. It's not up to Felix to tell you what he knows this time.

“What do you mean I’ll be surprised?”

“I have to go,” he stands instantly, motioning to the umbrella, “and you need to bring this back.”

With a slight ruffle to your hair, Felix is giving you a supporting smile and waving goodbye. And you’re left alone once again – just you and Jisung’s blue umbrella.

It takes a lot of courage to get ready today. You make sure to take your sweet time rummaging through your closet, flipping through articles of clothing for the better half of an hour. At the end, you opt to go with a pair of sweatpants and an old t-shirt. There isn't enough energy in your body to put on anything else, and you know you’ll just want to curl back up in bed once you get home. Sweatpants are safe, and safe is just what you need.

No makeup today either. If things are anything like you’re expecting, your makeup will just end up ruined anyway. It's your better judgment to shower though, you’ve neglected to take one after work last night; opting to just bury yourself under your covers as soon as you got back. But today is a new day. And with a fresh shower and your comfiest pair of sweatpants, you are about as ready as you’ll ever be to get your heart broken into a billion pieces.

Umbrella in hand, you step out onto your front steps, relishing in your last few moments of ignorant bliss before making your way to Jisung’s. You immediately regret your wardrobe decision as the sun beats down on your frame, the humidity making you feel sticky and gross – your favorite pants are no match for this heat.

But you’re on your way to your destination anyway, the drive feeling longer and more drawn out than normal. Jisung didn’t live that far away from you, but the ride there still felt like an eternity with each theoretical scenario passing your mind.

Dragging your feet, you make your way to the front steps of his house. You’ve been here a million times, but today is different. From now on, every time you drive past this place all you’ll know is heartache.

You brush yourself off, taking a deep breath before bringing your hand up and pushing the doorbell. The sudden ringing sound startles you, even though you have every indication that it’s coming – you’re just too nervous and jumpy for your own good.

Footsteps approach the door, your stomach tightening more and more with the muffled pitter-patter of footsteps. You’re praying to God that it’s his mom, hoping that Jisung just so happens to be out – even though his car is in plain sight parked just a few meters away from you. Wishful thinking, you suppose.

When the door to his house opens, you struggle to maintain your composure. He’s dressed similarly to you; a pair of sweats and an old sports t-shirt that has definitely seen better days.

“Hi.”

His eyes are sunken in, dark circles dragging underneath his eyes and his lips pulled downwards. He looks like a sad puppy, his dark hair all scruffy and sticking up in each direction – probably from him running his hands through it so many times.

“I came to give you this,” you extend the umbrella out before you. He nods before taking hold of it, his hand far at the opposite end making sure not to keep his distance. The more you look at him, the more sorry you feel for dodging his texts. He looks like he hasn’t slept a wink, and you’re afraid it’s all because of you.

“Oh...uh, thanks,” he struggles to make eye contact with you, looking down at the object in his hand.

It’s awkward, uncomfortable, and you can’t seem to find the words to say to break this strange tension between the two of you. He’s acting weird, shifting his weight back and forth but not moving away to close the door. His mind is racing once again – contemplating whether or not to just invite you in or leave it at that.

But with every aching bone in his body, he musters up the courage to lift his head, looking you directly in the eyes. Their dark like his, definitely from the lack of sleep you had the night before. Your mouth is turned downward too; hands fiddling together to try and distract yourself.

“D-Do you wanna come in?” He stutters, stepping aside slowly as he gestures towards his house. He suddenly worries when you don’t respond right away, taking a second to contemplate if this is a good idea or not. Ripping off the band-aid is never easy, but it needs to be done.

“Sure,” is the word that you decide on – hoping that it doesn’t make you seem disinterested or too desperate to talk. Maybe he’s just being kind though. Maybe it’s an empty offer, something that you say when you’re trying to be nice, but subconsciously hope that they won’t take you up on it. Like when you offer to share your food with someone, but you’re really hungry. You do it to be nice, not because you actually want to split the delicious looking burger and fries on your plate.

He leads you inside and to his bedroom. It looks the same as always, but it feels different. It still smells like him though, the comforting woodsy scent of pine and mahogany that he always reaches for. But that comforting scent is anything but comfortable. You’re frozen in place, unsure if you should sit on his bed and make yourself at home, much like every other time in the past. For now you just stand in the doorframe, waiting for him to tell you to take a seat, just like any polite guest would. A guest. You have never felt like a guest in his home before, or around Jisung in general. But that imaginary wall between the two of you is standing tall and sturdy, and suddenly the two of you are reverted back to being strangers.

You watch as he toys with something on his desk, his fingers dancing from object to object and sifting through papers to look busy. The point of it – unknown to you but to him, he’s buying time. Trying to think of the first thing to say, what to ask, or if you even wanted to talk. Maybe you only agreed to come inside to be nice. Maybe you were too worried about hurting his feelings if you said no. But alas, here you are, standing awkwardly in his doorway as he shuffles around his room, his brain flooding with thoughts – but his mouth can not form them into audible words.

“I’m sorry for ignoring your texts.”

Your voice catches his attention, dropping whatever paper he’s looking at now and turning his gaze to you. You’re sunken into yourself, your chest thumping with anxiety as his eyes begin to wander your frame. Not in a ‘I’m checking you out’ manner though; more of a ‘you look so sad and I don’t know what to say to you right now’ kind of way.

It’s true though, he doesn’t know what to say – which is why he’s staring at you, hoping the right words would just pop up and he didn’t have to use any brain-power at all. He doesn’t want to say ‘it's okay,’ because it's not. You never ignore his texts, and that alone tells him enough about what's going on. You are upset at him.

“What did I do wrong, Y/N?”

His words sound accusatory but his tone is soft, gentle and full of worry. Eyes swollen and looking like they are about to fill to the brim with tears, his sight is focused on you; now not able to look away.

“I-I don’t know…”

Your answer is honest. You don’t know if his intentions are dirty. Yeah, that’s what you thought initially, but looking at him with such hurt written all over his face tells a different story.

Jisung is silent, unsure of what more he can do or say to make you talk to him. He can’t force you to open up, he never has and he never will – that’s always been his rule. Everything you’ve shared with him has been on your own terms and conditions. Jisung has always been here to be your listening ear, but he never prys.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

His voice is soft, eyes full of sympathy as he holds himself together. Those were the words he has been looking for. Now the ball is in your court and you’ll have to be the one leading the conversation. It’s just what he needed to figure this shit out.

“I-I don’t know.”

“Y/N,” he sighs as he drops himself down onto the mattress, “I shouldn’t have to say this for you to know it, but you know you can talk to me about anything, right?”

You do know that. You really, really do. But this time things are different. Is he expecting you to just come out and speak your truth like there won’t be consequences? No, he won’t push you to tell him anything you don’t want to. But the worry in his eyes and clammy hands are begging for you to just let it out so he can stop being in the dark.

You sigh out an ‘okay’ before sitting down beside him.

Rip the band-aid off Y/N. Quick and painless.

His eyes narrow, almost to a squint, staring right through you in hopes of reading your thoughts. Your expression is nothing but blank as you try your best to gain some sort of composure. Do you just speak up and spill your guts? The words replay in your mind over and over until your thoughts are beat down and misshapen.

You can picture his face when you say it; disgusted with a trace of disappointment and some confusion spread into the mix. Or maybe he’ll laugh at how pathetic you were, catching feelings for your fake boyfriend.

That’s it. There’s no way you can tell him. It would be much easier to just get up and leave. Tell him to pretend like none of this ever happened and that you needed some time to cool off. A few months maybe, or maybe you could just ghost him entirely.

“Y/N?”

The sound of his voice breaks you out of your toxic thoughts, and his chocolate brown eyes bring you back down to earth. You can’t just leave him in the dust. He’s looking at you like you’re the only thing that exists. Things will be okay, right?

“Sorry, sorry,” you exhale deeply as you calm your thoughts; shifting the nasty scenarios out and accepting that whatever happens after this conversation is your fate.

“Jisung, I-I guess I wasn’t expecting this boyfriend-girlfriend thing we’re doing to go like this.”

His brow quirks at your words, confusion riddling his expression as his eyes narrow. With a tilt of his head, he’s pushing you to continue, visibly riddled with your choice of words.

“Swear you’ll be honest when I ask you this?” You question him, your hand moving closer to his as you lean in slightly. He’s like a magnet, you can’t help yourself from moving closer; even though the proximity of the two of you is clouding your thoughts and you can feel your heart beginning to swell.

He nods in response to your question, his eyes full of concern as he waits for you to continue, “Why did you ask me to do this thing?”

He knows that a question like this was coming, only if he could have prepared for it. But he didn’t, so his throat is left dry and scratchy as his mouth opens, only to stutter a bit before closing it back up. No coherent thoughts or words are able to escape his lips, just nonsense mumbling that caught himself off guard.

With a deep breath, he closes his eyes, regaining his composure before he can face you again. He agreed to be honest, and if honesty is what you want, honesty is that you’ll get.

“I’m sorry.” That’s all that he can say.

Oh no. This is exactly what you were expecting before you came here. He’s gonna tell you that he didn’t mean to mess with your emotions, that he felt you catching feelings and got carried away. That he’s sorry that he ruined your friendship and played you like a violin all at once.

“Me too.”

You don’t know why you’re apologizing, but you are. It feels wrong. Absolutely utterly, and undoubtedly wrong. Apologizing for your own feelings is not something that you are okay with. Especially when he made you fall for him like this. Okay so maybe thinking that is giving him too much power, but who the hell takes you out on dates for nearly 2 weeks straight just to laugh about it later. How can he expect you to not catch feelings for him? With his deep voice and fluffy hair that always hangs in front of his eyes, that little giggle he has when he finds something amusing. Everything about him was attractive. And you’ve fallen for it all. Hard.

“Wait, why are you sorry?”

A scoff escapes your mouth unintentionally, but it’s well deserved. “For being the idiot to fall for a guy that was playing her, I guess.”

You can’t look at him any longer, so your eyes fall to your lap, staring at your chipped nail polish and dirty fingernails instead of reading whatever dumb expression he has now. But if you just took a second to look up, you’d notice the widening of his eyes, how his fingers are beginning to shake and his mouth gape.

“Wh-What?”

“Don’t make me say it again Jisung, I don’t feel like sounding stupid one more time.”

“No no I heard you, it's just,” his eyes slam shut, angry at himself that he let things get this far without keeping you in the loop.

You’ve been telling him that you hate love for years now. After hearing it so many times, he’d just given up on the thought of you. Maybe if he said something before you went through all those shitty guys things could have been different. But he’s let this go on for far too long, and now you’re the one that was paying the price.

“Y/N I have feelings for you.”

Your neck nearly breaks with how fast your head snaps up. He’s the one looking away now, his cheeks a bit rosy as he tries to hide himself. He isn’t doing a very good job though, his hair is only shadowing his eyes and you can clearly see the way he’s nervously chewing on his lip; a cute habit you have grown fond of these past couple of weeks.

If he didn’t look like he does right now, you’d assume he was messing around. But you know Jisung. You know his small little gestures and what they mean by now. You know when he’s being serious and when he’s telling a lie. He can look someone dead in the eye and lie to them, but when he tells the truth, he becomes shy and worried that he’s said the wrong thing.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” You ask softly, gently reaching for his hand. The subtle contact makes him flinch, reacting by pulling your hand away. But his eyes meet your sympathetic ones, sparkling just like they always do, and he knows what he wants.

Jisung’s hand reaches back for yours, lacing his fingers through yours before giving your hand a light squeeze. “You hate relationships,” he chuckles lightly, the mood of the room instantly shifting as the laughter leaves his lips.

“I hated the ones that weren’t with you,” you correct him, but your voice comes across as just a whisper. He’s close enough to hear though, a blushing grin forming on his face as you shyly look away. His heart flutters when he hears it, a million butterflies erupting in his tummy all at once.

“I hated the ones that weren’t with you too,” he coos, his eyes wide and sparkling as he looks at you with such adoration.

Time moves in slow motion as his hand meets your cheek, your eyes look deeply into his chocolate ones as he moves in closer. As your eyelids flutter shut his tongue runs across his bottom lip, wetting the surface before closing the distance between you. Finally.

And in that moment you’re at peace. Everything you thought you’ve ever hated, love, relationships, and maybe Jisung for a hot second, are the only things that you long for. The 14 days don’t have to be over, and your days no longer have to be counted. When you’re with Jisung you’re happy, you’re comfortable, and you're confident that he can give you what you have always deserved – but have never gotten.

His lips move against yours in slow, languid motions, his large hands holding you close like he’s holding on for dear life. But you won’t leave even if you want to, not now, not after all this.

Slowly, Jisung shifts his weight and you move in succession. He’s laying you down on his bed, gently climbing over you without breaking the kiss. Things are becoming more heated now, you can feel it as his hungry lips devour your own. Your chest heaves up to meet his, your back arching off the mattress as his hands begin to scour your body. The heat pooling in between your legs is growing, an aching sensation overwhelming your core as your own hands reach up to rake through his long, fluffy hair. And you can tell he wants you too, the thin fabric of his sweatpants doing little to conceal the growing erection pressing against your thigh.

You can’t help but let out a steep moan as his hips begin to grind into yours. Needy groans fall past his lips and onto yours as you roll your hips upwards to meet his small ruts.

In a leisurely motion, Jisung’s body is moving upwards, his knee finding a place between your legs as he brings himself up to a kneeling position. You chase his lips the entire way there, sitting up straight to be sure the contact doesn’t vanish, too consumed by your need for him to leave his lips.

And then his needy hands are running along the waistband of your sweats, fiddling with the tie before breaking your heated kiss. “Is this okay?” His words come out in a whisper, his eyes searching yours for any signs of doubt, but all he sees is lust.

“Yes,” you confirm, out of breath from making-out for so long without coming up for air. The lightheaded feeling taking over you goes unnoticed though, and quite frankly you’re too caught up in Jisung to care.

Quickly, he rids you of your pants, looking back up at you for confirmation about your underwear. With an affirmative nod he’s removing those too, leaving you completely bare from the waist down as he stands over you fully clothed.

But soon he’s ridding himself of his own clothing, his shirt being pulled at the nape of his neck as he discards it across the room. He’s leaning back down to you, hungry for the feeling of your lips. He misses it, even though it's been less than a minute since he’s last felt your smooth lips on his.

You won’t open your eyes to see, but with the shuffling movements and shaky connection between your mouths you can tell Jisung is stripping himself of any remaining clothing he has on. He’s needy, unable to wait any longer to get down to business, he’s already waited long enough.

You’re the one who breaks the kiss this time, too curious to see what he’s sporting down below for your own good. But you are not disappointed once you see it – he’s long and girthy; the pigment a shade or two darker from his skin tone than the rest of his body. Your thoughts are wandering, wondering what it's like to have him inside of you; dreaming about what he feels like. Arousal pools at your core, mouth salivating as your daydreams linger.

“Like what you see?” Jisung chuckles. You barely notice that you’ve been staring, eyes wide and focused on the hardened dick before you, which is probably a bit uncomfortable for him.

“Sorry!” You cringe at yourself lightly, covering your eyes in embarrassment in fear that you just ruined the mood you’ve worked too hard to create.

“Don’t apologise,” he smiles as he grabs your wrists, moving them away from your round eyes. Scrunching your nose in displeasure, you catch your lip in between your teeth, mentally face palming at how weird you’re being.

He couldn’t blame you though, it was taking everything in him not to gawk at you. It was the first time you’ve seen eachother naked. Bathing suits did little for your imagination, not that you had even thought about Jisung this way before.

But he eases your nerves by coming down face level with you, reaching for your shirt and pulling it up over your head. You look at him with wide eyes, taking in each part of him as he caresses your body gently. He’s in awe of you like this. So relieved that you’re finally his, that he has you like this.

Nimble fingers dance down your body, landing at your core as he runs one up your slit, collecting your arousal on his fingertip. An impressed smirk grows slowly on his face, “I can’t believe you’re this wet already,” he hums. “All for me.”

His eyes remain focused on your center, devouring it with his eyes as his hands hold steady on your thighs. You can’t help but grow slightly embarrassed, dripping with arousal so early on though he’s barely touched you. A lump forms in your throat causing you to swallow thickly – this doesn’t go unnoticed by Jisung.

A concerned expression crosses his face, brow furrowing as he moves his hands upward to settle on your waist. “Hey,” his voice is soft, gentle and full of worry, “everything okay?”

“Just nervous,” you answer, a fake smile showing on your face to try and combat your own emotions.

It is no secret that Jisung is a bit more experienced than you are in bed. He knows that, you know that, and that is enough to turn you into a nervous wreck. Leave it to your own thoughts to ruin the moment.

“We don’t have to…”

“No!” Your voice comes out a little too eager, a bit loud, shocking Jisung. His eyes widen in response, body jolting from the impact of your tone. “No,” you say more gently this time, “I want to.”

You did want to – you just have to get over your own nerves first. Lucily, Jisung didn’t mind and was willing to guide you through it.

With a reassuring smile plastered across his face, he laces his fingers through yours. As you lock eyes, you nod him onward, giving him the go-ahead to continue. He moves languidly, his fingers moving back down to trace your slit once more. The sensation makes you tense, the nerves tingling through your body making it difficult for you to calm down.

But with a reassuring squeeze of his hand to yours, you’re taking a deep breath. Closing your eyes as you lie your head backwards onto his pillowcase. The smell of him consumes you, relaxing you effectively as his fingers meet the entrance of your core.

Shivers run through your body as he dips one finger inside. Your arousal acts as a natural lube, letting his finger glide gracefully into you. You gasp at the sensation, eyes rolling back into your head as he begins caressing your walls. His finger moves swiftly in and out of your core, his other hand still locked with yours to guide you through.

With your body finally relaxing, Jisung is able to add another finger into the mix. The extra pressure makes you shudder for a moment, taking a little to adjust to the greater size inside of you. Thankfully the mild discomfort subsides, and he’s able to pump his fingers in and out once more.

He’s making sure to watch each of your expressions, growing harder and harder just from watching your face contort in bliss. With each of his movements you bite down harder onto your lip, focusing on him and him only.

“You’re doing so well,” he praises as his thumb rubs circles over your hand soothing you. You can feel your heart swell at his words, heat beginning to rise to your cheeks.

In one swift motion, Jisung begins to separate his fingers, stretching your walls as his digits move in scissor-like motions inside you. “Fuck,” you mumble, hips jutting forward in reaction.

A steep moan leaving your lips as he brings his fingers back together, just to extend them once more. Your body is quickly getting used to the pressure, begging for more as you roll your hips.

He can sense that you’re eager from your movements alone. With one final squeeze, his hand is leaving yours. The empty feeling in your palm is unpleasant. But once you open your eyes and notice he’s using it to palm himself, his fingers groping around his length and beginning to pump slowly, that empty feeling is replaced with something else.

Your mouth salivates with desire, hungry for the feeling of him inside of you. He’s aroused you enough, and you’re too eager to feel him for your own good.

“Jisung,” you moan, “fuck me please.”

His cock jumps in reaction to your words, his chest heaving as his breath catches in his throat. Never in his life did he expect to hear those words come out of your mouth – but he wouldn't mind hearing it again.

“Hmm?” He hums, knowing damn well what you said but being greedy enough to pretend that he didn’t. You whine in response, your legs shaking on the bed in a mini temper-tantrum.

“Please,” you drag out, “please fuck me.”

Your words are music to his ears. He removes his fingers from your dripping cunt, grabbing the backs of your knees to pull you closer to him and hike your legs up over his hips.

“Anything for you.”

Complying to your wish, he lines the tip of his cock up with your entrance. The feeling of his smooth head against your core is enough to make you moan, your head thrown back to expose the soft skin of your neck.

Jisung takes this as an opportunity to leave his own mark behind, leaning down to attach his lips to your skin. You gasp as his teeth graze your skin, his plump lips sucking harshly before his tongue is swiping over the area to soothe it.

But your eyes open once he’s beginning to pull away to look at you. His eyes are dark, full of lust mixed with adoration, a sigh of relief leaving his chest as he gazes down at you under him. There’s a lot going on in his head right now. Of all the emotions swirling around, the thing he’s most focused on is how lucky he is to have you.

And before you know it, he’s leaning down. Pressing a chaste kiss to your lips, making you smile. One more kiss is left on your forehead before he's pulling back, securing the position of your legs on his hips.

And then he’s realigning himself with your core, pushing past your entrance and slowly descending into the depths of your pussy. He’s moving slowly, taking his time as he thrusts into you. The delicious stretch is unfamiliar, but it's not uncomfortable – like you were made just for him. A simultaneous groan leaves your lips as he bottoms out, the tip of his cock pressing deep into you on a spot that’s gone untouched.

He hums a sigh of contempt before pulling back, only to rock his hips into you once again. Your velvety walls welcome him delightedly, soft whimpers leaving your lips once he bottoms out again.

“Y/N,” your name leaves his lips in a low grunt, the bones of his pelvis driving into your skin as he begins to pick up his pace. In reaction you clench down on him, orgasm beginning to loom overhead with each movement of his hips.

Desire fills your senses as you roll your hips over to meet his thrusts. His movements are slow and intentional, making sure to bottom out each time to watch you squirm over his dick. He loves how your jaw drops each time his tip presses against your g-spot, knowing just when he hits it each time.

Jisung’s teeth are barred, sweat gathering at his brow as his dark fluffy hair sticks to his face. He’s trying to hold himself back, the overwhelming urge to finish just in reach, but he doesn’t want to stop. So his hands roam your body to try and distract him, his palms caressing up the sides of your torso as your back bridges into him. The feeling of hot breath fans over your face with each sigh he lets out.

But the tightening knot in your stomach is threatening to snap with every movement of his hips. It's getting harder and harder to hold on with the power of his thrusts growing stronger.

“Jisung,” you whine, “so close” your hands find his back, fingernails dragging down his spine in attempts to ground yourself. Jisung’s face contorts as your nails pierce his skin, leaving lines of red scratches down the length of his posterior.

The stretch from his length and his rhythmic motions sends your senses into overdrive. Squeezing your eyes shut and grasping onto the sheets underneath you, you can taste the brink of your orgasm. Jisung is focused; his grip on your thighs strong and his face contorted with bliss. But all you can think about is how stupid you could have been if you had decided to just cut him out. What matters is that you’re here with him now, and the thought of that is enough to push you over the edge.

Your breath hitches in your throat, stomach twisting and turning as your pussy throbs repeatedly around his member. Emotions running high, three words almost slip past your lips, but with the small amount of strength you can muster up, you hold them back. Another time, some time that isn't so lust filled like this one.

Jisung’s thrusts are growing sloppy. His grip on your legs tightening as his lip is caught between his teeth. And with just a few quick thrusts, he’s coming undone inside of you. White, hot spurts of cum paint your walls, filling you up and making you feel so unbelievably full.

You’ve always felt close to Jisung – he knew everything about you and vice versa; but this time was different. The way his hands settled on your legs, bringing them down gently after finishing. How his eyes are becoming so soft as he looks at you, a lazy grin pulling at his lips. You’ve never felt closer to Jisung as you do in the moment. As his body collapses next to yours, pulling you in and holding you close as you recover from your highs, you’re completely at peace.

“Sorry I got carried away, I guess I should have asked if you’re on birth control still,” he laughs, burying his face into the crook of your neck.

“Don’t worry, I am,” you chuckle alongside him.

Your naked bodies tangle together, his leg weaving its way through yours to be as close to you as possible. He’s intoxicated by you, closing his eyes as he rests against your body in complete bliss. Now that he has you this close he never wants to let go; and neither do you.

“Can I tell you something?” His voice is soft, whisper like but still holding confidence; his tone never falters.

“Anything.”

“I love you, Y/N.”

Butterflies erupt in your tummy, your heart thudding in your chest as heat rises to your cheeks. He loves you. It's not that friendship kind of love anymore; it's the relationship kind. The same kind that makes your heart skip a beat and body riddle with every emotion in the book. The kind that keeps you up all night thinking about – but also helps you fall asleep, knowing he’ll be there in the morning.

And all of a sudden it seems so stupid that you were fighting those words back in the heat of the moment just a few minutes ago. He felt it too, you always knew that.

“I love you, Jisung.”

Being in love is a dumb concept. All guys suck, relationships are stupid and love is a social construct that you didn’t feel like conforming to. There was absolutely no one that you would waste your time on, until Jisung came around. What you had been looking for your entire life has always been right infront of your eyes – you were just too dumb to see it.

Maybe love is alright, after all.

↠ A/N this fic has been rewritten/reconcepted from my previous BTS fic Crush Culture.

#stray kids smut #han jisung smut #kdiner #kwritersworldnet #stayracha #kafenetwork #skz x reader #stray kids #stray kids x reader #stray kids fanfic #han jisung #jisung x reader #jisung smut #jisung fluff #stray kids fluff #stray kids angst #han jisung x reader #skz jisung fanfic #jisung fanfic

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ssiggss · 3 years

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I made a whole AU in my head yesterday and I'm debating whether or not to invest in it but chances are, knowing me, I'm gonna do it anyway-

Please ignore the absolute MESS that this is- it is completely disorganized 😭🖐

So basically I replaced the Arcane Order with my own OC I literally just made for this specific reason as the villain.

His name is Pyelan, (pronounced PIE-LAN) and he's an old god of peace- very powerful and ancient. However, he's grown corrupted and angry at humanity for the amount of needless war and death in their history.

He sees the pollution of Earth and the sickness, and takes it upon himself to fix it, having gone mad after the eons he spent alone.

The humans stopped worshipping him, that is why they have no peace, they've destroyed everything, in his mind the only option is to create a whole new Earth with a new species that would do better.

He seeks The Arcane Order, knowing who they are (having once been friends in ancient times) and means to have them open the genesis seals and wipe out humanity forever.

(I'm taking what Tobias said in the interrogation scene in ROTT and running- the bit abt The Arcane Order being the creators of everything.)

(Also, I like to think each of them had a hand in different species, Bellroc creating trolls and changelings, Skrael creating humans and goblins and Nari creating the animals of the Earth- with input from eachother of course. Though I'm still hammering out the details)

In this AU, The Arcane Order do not hate humanity, are more so disappointed and eager to fix the imbalance so humanity and all beings could return to their lives.

They understood his plight, but told him that because they created humans, they would find a way to restore balance without killing them off.

This throws him into a vengeful rage- could they not see that their humans have failed them? Could they not see the damage humanity has done to their planet?

If the gods who created this world were too stupid to see the truth and fix it themselves, then he would do it.

During an opportune moment, Pyelan steals Nari away and holds her hostage- this is where The Arcane Order enlists the help of their old friend's apprentice, Hisirdoux Casperan.

Douxie involves the Trollhunter and his merry band of armored children and various peoples, and there ensues many scenes of Bellroc and Skrael interacting with everyone.

So Pyelan pretends to be remorseful, tells them to meet them at the roundhouse to return Nari to them.

Obviously its a trick, but he still manages to gain control over all three of them and releases the titans- now its up to Jim and everyone else to save creation, and the creators.

Steve does NOT get pregnant but instead, the 'seventh kiss' is an engagement, meaning he would become king- a huge responsibility he's not sure he can fulfill. (Possible subplot about Steve gaining true confidence in himself and a tear-jerking scene where he looks up at the sky and hopes his mentor is proud of him after the final battle.)

Claire, Douxie, Archie, his father and Blinky still go to find the Khronosphere- it was Bellroc who told them to find it this time, their last words before they succumbed to Pyelan's mind control.

Archie chooses to stay with Douxie, there would be a heart wrenching scene where he and his father says quick goodbyes as the wall seals.

"Take care of eachother," he says, "I love you, son."

Varvatos still comes down in the bigass robot, but this time he has a co-pilot and its Zadra.

They actually manage to take Bellroc down, and Jim insists on going up and talking to Bellroc in hopes of breaking Pyelan's control.

"Is this what you truly want? C'mon!" he says as he battles against them upon crumbling molten rock. "You are who you make yourself, don't let him think for you!"

Bellroc is freed from Pyelan's control, discovers that they had been tricked by Pyelan and that Skrael and Nari were still in danger- they go ballistic.

Zoe's called in by Douxie to aid them, and she and Krel pair up as the designated tech nerds and they get a whole scene with some crazy cool akiridion tech/mechromancer wizard shit that frees Skrael from Pyelan's control- two down, one to go.

Claire is ofc a badass, portals Bellroc's titan to Arcadia and then shit really hits the fan.

In this AU, Toby and Steve fight alongside Jim against Pyelan, Strickler doesn't die but instead tends to a severely wounded Nomura with Barbara.

Pyelan uses Nari and her titan against the other two, Bellroc and Skrael are trying desperately to not hurt her too badly, but its not going so well.

Varvatos and Zadra's robot goes down against Pyelan, who ends up fighting Jim, Toby and Steve directly.

Instead of Toby dying, Jim sacrifices himself one last time as the Trollhunter, defeating Pyelan but taking himself along in the process.

This prompts everyone else to make a unanimous decision to use the Khronoshpere to save Jim.

The Trollhunter has saved countless lives, and now its their turn to save the Trollhunter.

Rewinding back to when Pyelan first set the trap for Bellroc and Skrael, they defeat him much much quicker this time.

Everyone knows what his next move will be as they all retained their memories, and Jim is safe.

The balance is slowly but surely fixing itself as time goes on, The Arcane Order are dedicated and often visit Arcadia to take breaks or to enlist help for certain missions.

Steve becomes king, ruling alongside Aja and later in their adulthood, they have children. (with much better designs)

Barbara and Strickler get married, and later so do Claire and Jim, and when I tell you that wedding was a sight to behold.

Toby is much more confident in himself, and is known all throughout Arcadia as a hero, The Trollhunters partner- Keeper of Peace.

"I'll do a much better job than the last guy, trust me."

All in all theres lots of things I gotta figure out for this AU, but its purely for self-indulgence because I can't stand the ending of ROTT. And also I was told all headcanons are canon now so I am doing what I must

#tales of arcadia #trollhunters #krel tarron #aja tarron #varvatos vex #steve palchuk #toby domzalski #jim lake junior #claire nuñez #Barbara Lake #walter strickler #skrael of the north wind #bellroc keeper of the flame #nari of the eternal forest #hisirdoux casperan #toa zoe #toa wizards #toa au #rott rewrite -kinda

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forgetful-dorito · 3 years

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Here’s my gift to Bio Anon for the MCYT G/T gift exchange! I kinda took the second prompt and stuck it in a dryer on tumble-dry, then shook it up even more. though, I did have a lot of fun brainstorming ideas for how to use the prompt, so I hope you enjoy my little word vomit :)

(also in this au Tommy never got exiled because screw the green teletubby) word count: ~1.3k

cw: food at the beginning, some very mild fearplay, and so much swearing. So much. It was like I got possessed by Tommyinnit while writing this I’m so sorry

“What the fuck.”

Tommy had just wanted a snack.

It was 2 am and he couldn’t sleep, understandably so considering all that happened in the past few months, so he decided to get up and make himself something to eat. Nothing too heavy or time consuming, but enough effort to distract him from the thoughts that had been bothering him.

He had walked down the dark hallway to the kitchen, turning on the fluorescent lights and yawning. Stumbling over to the cabinet, he pulled out a small loaf of bread, and turned towards the fridge to get the cheese and mayo. Since he was still blinking the sleep from his eyes, it took him a few moments to register the fact that there was a tiny human watching him from the countertop.

A tiny fucking human. Standing with its hands in an open bag of peanuts. Looking as surprised and frozen as he was.

“What the fuck.” Tommy finally spoke up, and that was the cue for the tiny person to start fleeing off the counter.

Sleep gone from his mind, Tommy raced to catch the thief. It wasn’t a very hard battle, the poor thing seemed absolutely terrified. He gently pinned him down, putting as little pressure on the tiny guy as possible.

In the blink of an eye, Tommy found a sewing needle stuck in his thumb. He swore heavily, picking the needle out. He used more force this time, wrapping the escaping tiny in a fist and bringing him up to Tommy’s face.

The Tiny stopped kicking, instead he stared in horror at Tommy.

“Alright, I’m gonna give you three seconds to explain who you are and why you’re in my house stealing my food.”

The tiny pondered for a moment, but gave in after Tommy squeezed a little harder.

“AAH, don’t squeeze me like that! And I thought you’d know already, considering you humans blew our SMP to smithereens!” He spat the word ‘humans’ like a curse word.

Huh?

“Stop fucking around with me! Who are you?” He looked a little closer at the tiny….wait…..was that his shirt? And his pants?!

“Wait….you seriously don’t know?”

~~~~

After internally freaking out and a very long and painful conversation with Phil (he wasn’t really ready to see him yet, but this felt important enough to ask him about. Being the oldest living member on the server has its perks) it turns out, Phil knew what was going on!

Apparently no one bothered to tell Tommy that the myth about “tiny people” that live in the walls and start tiny governments was real. Who just leaves that out of a conversation?! What the fuck Phil?!?

To be fair, it looks like Phil was the only one who knew about these tiny people. They started springing up everywhere around the SMP, and they were always dressed like one of the server members.

Another thing that the myth conveniently forgot to mention, was that these tiny people were the complete opposite of the people they were based off of. Tommy didn’t understand what Phil meant by that, but after remembering the way Tiny Tommy acted he got it. Since Tommy was loud and brash and so, so cool, then tiny Tommy was quiet and careful and a total douchebag. Easy enough!

At one point, he had seen a tiny Tubbo lurking around Snowchester. At first he didn’t recognize him, the little guy had bright blond hair for some reason. But after he realized, he tried to strike up conversation. It was good old Tubbo after all! Except he couldn’t make it past a few sentences of conversation before he realized this was not the same Tubbo he knew.

For one thing, this Tubbo was actually normal. There was no talk of nukes, no mention of some horrific scandal he had committed, nothing! Just some pleasant conversation about the weather and gardening.

It was absolutely disgusting.

Mental note: make sure to tell Tubbo how awful his tiny double is.

Jschlatt’s tiny double was actually really nice.

When Tommy had found him, he was open and kind. Tommy had immediately assumed it was a trap, but after getting to know him, it was quite the opposite. He was kind and caring, and all around an amazing father figure.

He was fine with being lifted up and carried, so they would often be seen together, working on one of Tommy’s new carrot farms with Schlatt perched on his shoulder. Honestly, it was like having a tiny parent hovering over you, worrying over your bruises or if you’ve eaten enough.

Tommy didn’t have the heart to tell him that was the most parental attention he’s received since he can remember.

One day, while working on the garden, Tommy had asked about tiny Technoblade. He didn’t know why, maybe it was all the wanted posters of his former brother. They had started appearing a few weeks ago, and though their last interaction was shit, he was still worried.

“Oh…..Techno?” Jschlatt asked, fidgeting from Tommy’s shoulder.

He grunted, pulling a few grown carrots out of the ground. He loved his farms, but they were hard work.

“He…..oh how do I say this in a nice way….”

“Just spit it out. I’m a big man, after all. I can take it!” Tommy said, piling the dirty carrots onto a wheelbarrow and puffing his chest out dramatically.

“Well…alright I’ll just say it. He died a long, long time ago.”

“…WHAT!?”

As it turns out, Tiny Techno is not very good at surviving. Jschlatt had admitted that before he had lost his third life, he had the survival instincts of a sheet of paper.

“Yeah, one time I saw him fall off a cliff while reading his chat. It wasn’t pretty, I think I used up all my healing potions on him.” He commented as Tommy brang the hose over to wash the carrots off.

That was certainly something he’d never expected to hear. The Blade DOES die, I guess

Later that day, after tiny Schlatt had said his goodbyes to Tommy, Tubbo had come by to visit.

Tommy had expected some news about Snowchester’s government, or maybe a new cookie recipe, but he was certainly not expecting Tubbo to start screaming bloody murder.

“TOMMY, WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED?!” He yelled, pacing around his little garden.

“ALL I WANTED WAS TO FIND MY FAVORITE PEN, I DROPPED IT BEHIND MY COUCH! I GO TO PICK IT UP, AND MY HAND TOUCHES SOMETHING WARM AND HAIRY. WARM. AND. HAIRY. I LOOK AT IT, AND THERES A TINY BLOND ME SITTING ON THE FLOOR HOLDING MY PEN. WHAT THE ABSOLUTE FUCK.”

“Woah big man, calm down!” He handed Tubbo one of his nicer-looking carrots.

“Please, calm yourself, have a carrot.”

Tubbo absentmindedly took the carrot and sat down, munching away while still yelling about how the tiny person in his walls stole his pen.

Tommy, being the absolute dickhead he is, decided to call Tubbo crazy.

”Sorry Tubs, but I think you got one too many hits to the head. Tiny people living in your walls? That’s just crazy.” He shrugged, staring at the clouds above.

Tubbo bristled. “TOMMY WHAT THE HELL, YOU THINK IM LYING?!”

”Nah, I just don’t think you’re telling the truth” he smirked.

Tommy soon found a half eaten carrot thrown at his face, and rightfully so.

(I hope you enjoyed my weird crack-take on your prompt Bio. I had a lot of ideas for the story, including a lot more characters and cool game mechanics, but I didn’t know how to incorporate it all into the fic before the deadline. Im going to be on vacation for the next couple weeks, but if I find time I’d love to edit it and flesh it out more, maybe fix the pacing make it more enjoyable. have a great day! :] )

#mcyt g/t exchange #mcyt g/t #tommyinnit centric #tw swearing #tw food mention

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floatingbook · 3 years

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I recently found your blog and im in love with your writings. I guess I just needed to went about this. Anyway theres this female youtuber that I watched for a long time now. She makes good animal content and is an ornithologist. Her style of content is also right up my alley. (1)

But the thing is shes homophobic. I knew this for a while now but on one of her recent streams she explicitly stated how disgusted she found gay people using very popular homophobic slurs in our language (not English). And like I dont hate her or whatever. I like her content and even her personality vice. she herself is gnc in her style and is not married. she gets a ton of comments from men telling her how weird it is and she addressed it in multiple videos saying how stupid she finds it (2)

but like this whole thing makes it difficult to just enjoy bird and lizard videos lol. recently we also got a new professor at my Uni. and while she considers herself tolerant she said quite a few. homophobic things as well. like she said she'd kill her son if he was gay, jokingly. but whats funny in that? anyway I talked about this with my groupmate whos lesbian and she told me she hated this but tries to not pay attention to it. she thinks its best to just ignore it.(3)

and like I think shes right. we cant change anything about this, our country is very homophobic. so why pay attention to it? Im secure in myself anyway. but its still so difficult to just not thing about it and enjoy everything else.have you ever dealt with similar feelings? how did you cope with them? sorry for long message. im also a lesbian if it matters. (4)

No need to apologise for the length of your message, sister! I’m sorry you’ve had to face this; but which lesbian, sadly, doesn’t? It’s all too common for us to be faced with this kind of non-physically-harmful homophobia. And at first glance, we tend to discount it, yes. After all, we are “secure in [our]selves”, we know there’s nothing wrong with being lesbians, that we’re not ill or cursed or whatever nonsense. In the long run, and although it doesn’t do the same kind of damage as homophobic physical harm, I think it’s more worrying. Especially because it appears so harmless at first, such a matter of personal opinion — we can’t really change the way these people think, they’re always going to harbour those kinds of thoughts.

But even if you’re a proud lesbian and fine with yourself, it still makes you internalise the fact that homosexuality is somehow wrong. Of course being regularly exposed to that kind of ideas, of content, is going to affect your wellbeing. Even if it’s “just” a passing remark from a youtuber, or a “joke” from a university teacher, or an aunt sharing a bigoted stereotype about homosexuality, or a random individual being interviewed on TV during a conservative march, or a priest mentioning once in a while how you’re going to end up burning in hell just for existing. These comments can lead us to feel terrible about ourselves, straight into self-hatred. They also, whether we like it or not, create a hostile climate for us. It’s not healthy to exist in an environment where you know that people despise or outright hate you, even if they don’t know that you specifically are a lesbian. You’re always going to be wondering how your teacher would treat you if she somehow found out. Would she lower your grades? Would there be any kind of retaliation? For every homophobe who makes homophobic jokes or share any other type of homophobic position, there’s always the worry of escalation to physical harm. As a result, you’re always, even if not completely consciously, on the lookout.

I think the best thing to do with these people is to cut them out whenever possible. I know that you like that youtuber’s content, but you’re always going to be wondering in a corner of your mind “when is she going to be homophobic again”. I’m sure you can find other women talking about that kind of subject, and if not on youtube maybe in podcasts, in documentaries, or on blogs. It’s eminently frustrating to loose a source of information and entertainment, but you also have to take care of yourself, and sometimes that means removing homophobes from your life. Here, a reminder that it’s not your job to cure them of their homophobia. You don’t have to put up with them. Much in the same way that women don’t have to waste their time explaining to men how we are human beings deserving of rights and dignity and a life free of oppression too.

In the case of your uni teacher, you can’t do a lot but bear through it. It’s good that you’re not alone; support your fellow lesbian, and make sure that you don’t let the hate, however how casual, get you down. I don’t think it’s about “ignoring” it as much as not letting either despair or rage take up too much space. It’s normal to feel depressed that homophobia is so widespread, but you can try to balance it out with the knowledge, shared by many of your fellow lesbians, that being a lesbian is perfectly normal and even wonderful. Same for anger at the homophobia, it’s perfectly normal in the face of bigotry and hatred, but please make sure that you use your anger as fuel for positive action and don’t just let it simmer and fester into giving up and depression and helplessness.

We don’t have to be resigned to the homophobia. You can sensibilise your friends to the problem, and hopefully find people who’ll embrace you for who you are. You can move to less homophobic places; you can create lesbians clubs, gatherings or communities; if you are determined and want to play the game and work within the rules of the system, you can lobby and agitate for reforms to law to make your country less homophobic. We don’t have to tolerate homophobic people. There are some things on which we can refuse to compromise.

(same anon who wrote about female youtuber)also Goddammit these straight anons are so ridiculous. sorry for my language. how can they not see their privilege? literally the entire fucking world is telling you that relationships with men are good and pure and "correct" and you DARE to come to a LESBIANS blog and whine about a tiny group of lesbian women who tell you that maybe men aren't the end all be all im just so sorry for their stupidity sis.. crazy you still have to deal with this shit :/

I’m used to it, not that it’s pleasant, but yes, sometimes it’s baffling how little reading comprehension and self-awareness some people exhibit on here (and out there in the world). I hope you have a very pleasant week, anonymous sister, and that your lesbian friend does as well ;)

#anonymous #answered #thanks for the support sister #i hope you face less homophobia going forward #i wish the world was a better place #cue sad weary face #we can never catch a break #lesbophobia #homophobia

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idontwanttospoiltheparty · 3 years

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Ive never really understood the hype surrounding Taylor Swift - I mean, I like some of her songs, but im not big on modern pop music so generally she just doesn’t really click for me. But I find it interesting that theres quite a few of Beatles/Swift blogs - like, they should have very little in common given that they’re from completely different eras and all, but somehow people seem to find a lot of semblance between the two. << and thats not me shitting on any of these blogs btw! Hope I don’t come off as rude or condescending there <3

Anyway, I was just wondering what got you into Taylor Swift? (I think ive read your post on how you got into the Beatles)

Hi, anon! Don't worry, I don't think you're rude or condescending! I agree they don't have too much in common and I don't really like their music for the same reasons.* I do have a playlist of Paul songs that have similar vibes to Taylor songs but it's mostly lyric-based. (Also the Beatles For Sale songs actually have quite the Taylor-tinge because Paul and John were not immune to Country Music)

I saw @stewy say once that a possible reason there are a good handful of us Swiftie-Beatle People on here is the appeal of a vast discography, which I agree with. If you have an artist/group with 200ish songs, it's just really fun to really dive into their work and explore all the facets. I also think: we're talking about the most popular band of all time and one of the highest-selling artists of the 21st century. They have a lot of fans so there's bound to be overlap, regardless of musical differences.

Moving on to your question: Getting into Taylor was an extremely personal experience for me and so my explanation is probably going to be kind of long so I'll put it under a read more.

It was spring-summer 2014, I was 15. I had heard the more popular songs of hers starting with Love Story and enjoyed pretty much all of them (I always found her hopelessly romantic point of view fascinating) but before I got a Spotify account in 2013 it was difficult in general for me to really get into an artists' entire discography so most of her songs had flown under my radar.

At the time, I was in this very weird sort of codependent online friendship with this girl who was basically my first real best friend and my first more or less crush. She was very depressed and I was very much in an I Could Fix Her™ mood, except that I obviously couldn't fix her and it made me feel like I wasn't enough and she had begun pulling more and more away from me and not replying to my messages and it was simply driving me insane. I consider it the saddest period in my life.

at some point during this period, I started trying to connect with other people (all online, I didn't know how to talk seriously to anyone IRL) and explaining the issues I'd been having, and one of the people who brought me joy and whom I actually felt not drained talking to was a huge swiftie. And IDK the fact that she loved Taylor and the fact that talking to her made my life better (and also the fact that I liked all the Taylor songs I knew at that point) just made me decide to give her a listen. And I think that whole "large discography discovery" phenomenon really helped me at the time (funny, because her discography has doubled since then). It gave me something new to focus on; there were just so many songs to discover, all telling such rich stories. I also have always loved bridges, they are almost always my favourite part of a song. And Taylor, god-bless her, loves them too and always puts her ALL in them. Like pretty much every bridge of hers brings the song to the next level, and even a lot of her songs I don't adore tend to have great bridges (Stay Stay Stay and Paper Rings come to mind). I think one of her most underrated qualities is how good she is at song structure and really building up an entire musical journey with a song. She also almost always adds cool ad-libs in her second and third choruses to keep the songs interesting and dynamic (or at least since she's gone pop). Anyways, back to the story: Then Taylor announced 1989 as her next album and released Shake It Off, and it was just like this great happy thing for me to look forward to, when I had very little keeping me going. The era was promoting a lot of happiness which in hindsight was slightly fabricated and it was just a really great thing for me to latch onto.

At the same time I was coming to realize that I was gonna have to pull away completely from my friend and all those break-up songs just… Hit, y'know? Like, some people seem to think Taylor's a one-trick pony because she likes to write break-up songs but to me, break-ups are just like this moment where you as a human can potentially feel every single emotion, and Taylor's songs have covered every facet of the concept. Here are some songs I remember from that period, that all meant a lot to me at the time because they explained my own pain to me so well:

Haunted, for the absolute terror you feel in the first moments you realize someone is probably gonna leave you. Come on, come on / Don't leave me like this / I thought I had you figured out / Something's gone terribly wrong / You're all I wanted.

I Almost Do, for the inner turmoil you feel when you know you have to stay away from someone for your own good but you really, really have to resist just running back to that person. We've made quite a mess, Babe / It's probably better off this way / And I confess, Babe / In my dreams you're touching my face / And asking me if I wanna try again / With you / And I almost do.

Last Kiss, for that absolute sadness that comes simply with remembering everything that was good and not comprehending how it could've possibly ended. I still remember / The look on your face / Lit through the darkness / At 1:58 / Words that you whispered / For just us to know / You told me you loved me / So why did you go / Away?

Forever and Always, for that feeling of desperately wanting to hold on to what you still have but at the same time realizing it probably isn't going to last and having no idea how to fix it, plus feeling like the other person doesn't even care. So here's to everything / Coming down to nothing / Here's to silence / That cuts me to the core / Where is this going? / Thought I knew for a minute / But I don't anymore.

Dear John, my all-time favourite song, for that moment you find clarity and realize that you deserved better and that you were headed in an extremely dark direction because of this other person. [DISCLAIMER: my friend did NOT abuse me nor did we have some inappropriate age difference. But the way she would ignore me and her general moodiness really affected my own mental health and self-worth problems] You paint me a blue sky / And go back and turn it to rain / And I lived in your chess games / But you changed the rules every day / Wondering which version of you I might get on the phone / Tonight / Well I stopped picking up / And this song is to let you know why.

(She's covered more aspects of break-ups in other songs [cheating, divorce, feeling awkward around your ex amongst others], these are just the ones I remember being really important to me when I was first getting into her)

She really helped me feel a lot less alone during one of my loneliest periods and I really can't thank her enough for that. Soon after this, I started crushing on a girl in my class and Taylor's love songs started to take on a new meaning for me as well.

What's crazy to me is, when she went on hiatus for a few years, a part of me thought maybe I'd grown out of her and no longer had much in common with her, but when reputation came out I was pulled right back into my love for her as a person and musician and then when Lover came out I found that she was still explaining feelings to me better than I ever could (specifically with the songs The Archer and Cornelia Street). And now with folklore and evermore she's simply absolutely perfected her story-telling and I find myself deeply moved even by the songs I don't directly relate to. I feel like she has this amazing ability to find the absolute truth in the specific. I've never had a summer romance with someone who already had a girlfriend and mostly wanted to go back to her, and yet the bridge of august feels so real to me, y'know?

Back when we were still changin' for the better Wanting was enough For me, it was enough To live for the hope of it all Cancel plans just in case you'd call And say, "Meet me behind the mall" So much for summer love and saying "us" 'Cause you weren't mine to lose

It's hard to explain but looking at this, like it's so much more than the story it's telling. It's talking about how when you're young you really need so little to feel satisfied; how sometimes the idea of someone maybe spending time with you is better than actually doing things with other people; and how if someone using you without much thought can make you feel like you're not even entitled to grieve what you lost. Sorry. I'll stop. Don't want to go insane.

So, all of this is very personal and unique to me, but I think really the main thing that draws me to her is how vulnerable and honest she is about emotions, how eloquently she can explain the pain of being alive to me. Some people think she isn't the strongest singer, but I think, much like John actually, one of her greatest assets is how good she is at projecting emotion. The song happiness is a song I think has some lyrically weak moments but her vocal performance on it is so raw and devastating that every single line works even when, looking at it on paper, it feels like it shouldn't.

Hope this rambling made sense to you, lmao?? I love talking about Taylor though so thanks for the ask! Also very open to giving song recs if you do want to check her out more but I won't unless solicited to lmao *Sort of off-topic but I do think there's a relation between my fascination with the Beatles' history and my love for a great break-up song. I like pain I guess :)

#ask #anon #taylor #mine

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horansqueen · 4 years

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Vote For My Next Story

I'll try to keep this short. YOU&ME has ended, and it was a big part of the last few years of my life (along with AM Conversations). It'll probably always be my favorite and best story but that doesnt mean i want to stop writing.

please, know that the oneshots ideas are independent from the story ideas, meaning that i can write a story AND oneshots at the same time so let me know if youre interested!

(click on the read more to read the 10 synopsis of the story ideas I’d like to write)

AM Conversations & YOU&ME ideas:

-oneshots ideas for what happened after the story, before the story, or even in-between chapters in the story. you can send me ANY idea that you would want to read between Liv and Niall or other characters.

-oneshots ideas for any "what if" you can think of (i.e. what if one of them didnt love the other, what if they hadnt seen each other at the bakery, what if Liv had dated Louis, etc)

NEW STORY IDEAS:

NOTES:

all the ideas are AU.

#2 #8 and #9 will include a few of the 1D boys.

despite the title, #4 is a Niall fic

titles may change

VOTE HERE!!!!

you can also vote by messaging me.

in the form, theres a place for comments but you dont have to leave any

you also dont have to leave your name or anything

thank you if you vote, it means a lot to me!

ill keep this open for a while, until i get enough votes :)

1- UNPREDICTABLE

They haven't seen each other since high school and they hadn't missed each other at all. In fact, they never really could stand each other. Her, a bit of a rebel, listening to punk music, searching for trouble whenever she could... and him, the good boy, popular and loved by everyone, who could rarely be seen without his guitar. It's been a few years already but not many things had changed and they still didn't have anything in common... except one thing. Both of them aspired to become famous with their music. With a twist of fate, they end up in each other's lives again and if they can put aside their resentment for one another, maybe they could bring something incredibly precious to each other. But nothing has ever been uncertain.

This is the story of two opposite persons who share a burning passion that may slowly bring them closer... or make the hatred they already feel for each other even more intense.

2- D.N.A. (daddies now available)

The test was positive. I was pregnant. The problem was, I didn’t know who the father was. It could be my ex boyfriend Liam, his best friend Niall or my best friend Louis. Or maybe it could be that boy I randomly had sex with, Harry... I had no idea and I was not going to find out soon.¸

All I knew was I had to tell four boys that there was a possibility for them to be a daddy in less than a year. Can you just imagine their reaction?

Contrary to all expectations, they accepted their fates.. somehow. And no matter who his daddy was, “little human” was going to get a lot of attention from a lot of men. Exactly like me.

This is my pregnancy story. And it was just the beginning of a long journey.

3- MEANT TO BE

When they first met, Louis was all *MAIN GIRL* ever wanted. However, a decade later the high school sweethearts had change and she felt like most of the sparkles she once had were now gone. Then she met Niall and it clicked instantly and intensely and since then, they’ve been seeing each other in secret, lying to their whole entourage about the nature of their relationship. Feelings started to grow, things started to change, and maybe, just maybe, it’s meant to be. Or maybe not.

A tale of broken hearts, unforgettable love and many… way too many lies.

4- LIVING WITH LOUIS TOMLINSON

Call me Queen Catastrophe. I lost my job, my boyfriend, my best girl friend and my apartment on the same day. Just a little friday afternoon like all the others, right?

Thank god, my best friend Louis was there to save the day. Nothing unusual. I was supposed to crash at his apartment for one night and then walk on my pride and go back to my parents to admit how much of a failure I really am.

However, Louis had other plans : he wanted me to move in with him. That’s when my story really starts. Mutual feelings, drunken sex, grocery shopping, fights that end up with porcelain thrown around the kitchen (I’m an intense person, I know) but most of all, his best guy friend stealing his (our, now) couch at least 5 nights a week.

I despise Niall Horan with all my heart. Him and his stupid charm, his flirty smile and his hands that always ended up in places they shouldn’t. He was threatening to come between Louis and I. He was slowly taking more space in our apartment… and in my heart.

Fuck, I hate Niall Horan with a passion.

5- FOR YOUR LOVE

After months of trying to get pregnant, Niall and his long-time girlfriend found out she was sterile. The news obviously shook their relationship and sparked a few arguments but after a long discussion, they found only one solution : hire a surrogate mother. As days go by, Niall's relationship gets harder and harder to save, and his connection with the surrogate mother of his child becomes tighter. Soon, he gets caught in feelings he can't explain and definitely can't understand. But life is not as easy as just following your feelings.

A story of unsettling feelings, confusing relationships, a deep and strong connection but mostly, decisions impossible to make. Can this really end well?

6- DATING FOR DUMMIES

*MAIN GIRL* has tried blind dates, dating apps, and speed dating to find her soulmate with no good result. Niall has tried pretty much the same without much more success. With all the bizarre, creepy and incompatible persons they meet, they're so close to give up on love until they meet each other through a friend. After a bottle of wine and a long discussion, they start thinking that maybe they were the problem, and that they're too dumb for dating. That's when they decide to make a list of what they individually want and need on a first date and finally decide to try it together. Unfortunately, things rarely go as planned and they will both realize that feelings can't be controlled.

When all else fails, the solution will always be to follow your heart.

7- THE BREAK-UP PLAN

*MAIN GIRL* and Niall's relationship had started when they had barely entered their teenager years. Now, over 10 years later, they feel like something is missing. They didn't know anything else besides each other and it had to change. They still planned on spending forever together but their lack of experiences and mistakes seemed to be an obstacle between them.

They agreed on break that was not really a break. for six whole months, they would be able to do whatever they wanted to do with whoever they wanted to. Going to parties, leaving for a whole weekend with friends without giving any news, dating and even screwing whoever they wanted, nothing was out of reach.

They only had one rule : honesty. Every friday night, they'd meet and spend the whole night together, talking, making out or just cuddling until they'd fall asleep, to make sure their love was preserved.

Unfortunately, things rarely go as planned and seeing the person you love the most in the world be happy without you is something almost impossible to accept.

A story about angry tears, painful jealousy, sweet sweet revenge and realizing who your real soulmate is. Watch out, it's gonna hurt.

8- HOT MESS

*MAIN GIRL* has always been a bit of a rebel who didn't really care about much. She just enjoyed life the way she wanted to and never really paid attention to anything else. If she wanted something, she did everything she could to get it, no matter who she'd hurt in the process. After a few years away from her hometown, family and friends, she finally comes back to realize that a lot of things have changed. Jumping in her twin brother Liam's life without being invited, she's about to make a mess of everything he had made so much effort to build by flirting with every single one of his friends without any shame. She's not looking for a relationship, she's just looking to have some fun and break a few hearts... but perhaps, she's about to make a mess of her own heart.

Sometimes, you play the game and some other very rare times, the game plays you.

9- 15 Complicated Rules

I have no idea how I got into this mess but somehow, I ended up with 4 different fuck buddies. I thought I was going crazy until I made a strict schedule of the days and time I would see them, and wrote down a few rules I had to respect myself. A useful guide to manege my 4 fuck friends. Monday for my ex boyfriend, tuesday for my co-worker, wednesday for my old best friend and thursday for a family friend. It could work, right?

I've never been much of an organised person but I honestly thought I could make this work. Everything went as planned for a few months until I broke one rule after the other. That's when I knew I was in deep shit. These are my 15 complicated rules to have fuck buddies. And this is the story of my downfall and the incredible mess I put myself into. After all, rule 15 was 'Never Fall In Love' and I guess that's something I couldn't control, even if I wanted to.

10- DISCONNECTED

When *MAIN GIRL* switches college to finally follow her dreams, she was ready to face anything and everything that would come her way. After all, she had been through so much already, right? The problem was, she didn't expect to be stuck in a room with someone who gets on her last nerves because of a paperwork mistake. Despite trying to find an other place to live or spend her time talking to the administration, she had to face the fact that this situation wouldn't change for a few months. Niall knew how to piss her off and he clearly abused that superpower, doing anything and everything he can to annoy the most pretentious and stuck-up person he had ever met. Perhaps fate is having a good laugh, because they seem to get stuck together way more often than not, but it's not until they let down their defense that they will see who the other really is... if that ever happens.

Apparently, some people are in your life to teach you something and make you grow. Perhaps, if you take the time to listen to them and open up to them, your karmic soulmate can turn into your twin flame... or not.

11- NEW ANGEL

When *MAIN GIRL 1* breaks up with Niall, he takes it harder than he thought he would, realizing in the process all the feelings he had for her. After a few weeks locked by himself in his room, his friends take him out on a crazy night and he decides he needs someone else, if only to get over the girl he loves. That’s when he meets *MAIN GIRL 2* and bring her back home. However, on the next morning, he realizes he doesn't want her to leave, and that despite the feelings he has for *main girl 1*, he could definitely develop something with *main girl 2*. Everything is going amazingly well for a few weeks until what Niall never thought would happen actually happens : *main girl 1* calls him to tell him she regrets leaving him. Now confused and stressed, Niall is going to have to make a choice between the girl he thought he'd spend his life with, and a girl he just met that makes his heart race. And he's going to get help on his journey from someone he would never have thought of.

A story about making choices, creating connections, messy hearts and confusing emotions.

(i have many ideas for this one but i dont want to give everything away!)

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lesbianbending-moved · 4 years

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Hello!!! So online school has started over here and I have small question for you. How do you deal with the looming fear of falling behind? I don't know if other people feel like this, but I just wanted to ask. I don't even know if you still go to school, but thanks for you blog!! It gets me through things!

aw tysm for sending this!! 🥺🥺 don’t worry, literally everyone is adjusting to online school rn and it’s a learning curve for everyone! i’m still in school, i’m going to graduate a bit early this spring with my ba in political science so here are my tips as someone who went from revolving their whole life around classes to gaining a much healthier and sustainable relationship w school

go to every single class unless absolutely necessary! these days especially it is so easy to skip a zoom class when the teacher says that attendance isn’t mandatory, but this is the quickest way to fall behind (even if you don’t realize it). i recommend only skipping class if you are genuinely ill or if you need a mental health day (not just you’re tired and don’t want to go to class, but you genuinely need a day to restart).

get in contact with the instructor if you have any questions or if you do fall behind! even today i realized that i missed a homework assignment that i just didn’t see on the course page. i immediately emailed the professor, explained what happened, and got it worked out asap! profs rn are very understanding, and even if they say ‘sorry, no late work accepted’, then at least you still tried and they know that you cared enough to get in contact w them instead of just being like eh whatever.

develop a routine! nothing crazy, just enough to give your brain some structure. even if you don’t feel like you like structure, the human brain thrives off of routine. for example: i know that i get really sleepy in the mid afternoons after my classes, so i make sure that i chunk off that time as my rest time and consistently do my homework around 4-5pm. personally, i thrive off of more structure, so i tend to plan my whole day into chunks like that, but i would say just having 1-2 consistent time slots where you know, no matter what, that you have to do something then that helps you navigate the rest of your day as stress-free as possible!

write everything out in a calendar/planner! all of your assignments, exams, essays, etc., write it all out! it gives you perspective of what the whole semester will look like and makes everything seem a bit less scary

find something in your free time that motivates you in your school work. it could be following study blogs, watching legally blonde or gilmore girls, creating a study playlist, or watching video essays in a subject you’re learning about! it’s kind of weirdly fun to work on my political science knowledge and do research for my shitty atla politics essays, but still! i’m connecting something i love (atla) to what i may need to understand on a deeper level in my day to day life (international politics)

if you consistently deal with anxiety, mental illness, physical illness, or anything that can impede on your school work in a big way, make a consistent effort to start and finish assignments early. if you know you have a huge essay due in a month, try to get started on it asap. things like what i listed above can (and will) flare up at inopportune times and the last thing you need to deal with at those times is the stress of a paper.

do your readings. seriously. especially if they are in your major (if you’re in university) do. the. readings.

develop a (semi) healthy lifestyle! i’m not gonna tell you to work out or become a health nut or anything like that, but starting with a) eating every three hours, b) going to bed at a decent time, c) ensuring you go outside every day, and d) eating the nutrients your body needs will change your life. if you’re on tumblr theres like a 60% chance that you don’t have healthy sleeping habits (i’ve been there) but seriously, all those factors will reduce your anxiety IMMENSELY. i’m not being dramatic. the difference between having a panic attack over an essay and having a relatively good day can be a good night’s sleep. also, so many people don’t realize that their diet just doesn’t give them the nutrients they need (myself included)... accidentally forgetting to eat any protein for a couple of days genuinely turned me into an evil version of myself and now that i’m much more conscious that i eat what my body needs, my anxiety has gone way down

do not revolve your entire life around school. this is the most important one for me. my freshman year i spent all of my free time studying, working, and staying up all night doing my readings because that was what i thought was necessary. i thought that if i didn’t feel like i was going to die from stress then i just didn’t care enough, and this is the complete opposite of what you want to do. this mindset literally broke me and i had to completely break down and reconstruct my relationship with my academics. if you feel so frustrated that you want to cry, take a break for an hour. try not to study for longer than 30-45min at a time. set a time where you just put your books away and go watch a movie or go to bed. not only will this help your performance in class but it will help your health in the long run, trust me!

#Anonymous

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cerealjam · 3 years

Text

Sapphire: Hey Lucifer what's the best thing ever

Lucifer: sexy robots?

Sapphire: sexy robots, and none can get more beautiful than mettaton the human eradication robot and entertainer

Lucifer: and hatsune miku the famous teenage vocaloid star

Sapphire: it's are job to analysis there weapons armor and skill to find out who would win a fiction beatdown

Lucifer: mettaton wasn't always a human eradication robot his orginal intention was to be an entertainment robot for the underground

Sapphire: and even then he wasn't originally that either he started off as nspstablooks cousin

Lucifer: they wanted to become corporeal meaning a ghost possesses something to get a body but was worried they'll never find the right one

Sapphire: until dr.alphys designed ther perfect body for them thus becoming the star mettaton

Lucifer: mettaton has three different robotic forms his first one his pretty basic but still has combat abilities in it

Sapphire: in his box fkrm mettaton fires unavoidable electric beams that seem to lock to the player and he can summon mini mettatins to attack the player along with moving boxes and even bombs

Lucifer: mettaton is also completely indestructible while in his box fkrm he can also fly by retracting his wheel and using the booster inside him and has a chainsaw like all robots should

Sapphire: box mettaton has a weakness the switch on his back if you can trick mettaton into turing around he'll turn into a stronger (but more vulnerable) version of himself mettaton EX

Lucifer: in this form mettaton takes on a more humanoid appearance he can now attack using his legs he can also expose his SOUL and attack by firing electric bolts from it

Sapphire: he also attacks using a disco ball using white orange and blue lasers each have different ways of avoiding them except the white ones they do damage either way

Lucifer: is true form mettaton NEO is-

Sapphire: completely useless and will not be used during this fight with miku

Lucifer: has powerful as mettaton is he's still a star and acts like so he likes drama action romance and cares deeply about his fans and ratings he also likes talking about himself and gets easily distracted at the mention of mirror claiming he needs to look his best

Sapphire: but his fans and ratings is also what makes him fight harder for more entertainment more ratings more anything he's a deadly robot now matter how good he looks

Mettaton: drama romance bloodshed!

Sapphire: from one sexy robot to the next hatsune miku is a popular vocaloid from Japan so popular that real fans go to her concerts to see her perform

Lucifer: spanning from vocaloid music videos and games miku as shown to have impressive feats in these videos like the ability to fly and has a pickaxe she used one time

Sapphire: and her voice is powerful enough to be heard throughout the galaxy and it even has dime magic to it to once restoring an intire planet back to normal

Lucifer: miku is also able to grow in size to face off agents godzilla sized monsters and even entire planet's

Sapphire: shes survived being erased and traveled from Pluto to earth in mere seconds this robot as crazy amounts of speed and durability

Lucifer: being a robot you'd think water would hurt her but your wring its been shown she can survive underwater for long periods of time this robot has no weakness

Lucifer: the closest thing she has to one is being spoiled and pampered due to how popular she is

Sapphire: alright the combatants are set it's time for a fiction beatdown!

Alphys: **playing a vocaloid game on her computer and accidentally spills her drink on it glitching the computer** oh no no no

**the computer glitch makes the computer explode bringing miku to life**

Mettaton: **rolls in** alphys are you alright I heard **sees miku** are you trying to replace me with a younger more beautiful robot

Alphys: n-no mettaton it's not-

Mettaton: the perfect idea for a show set all cameras in the underground toilet me and this new robot will fight for victory!

Miku: **looks at mettaton puzzling then getting zapped by mettaton becoming angry** ngg! Fine I'll fight you!

FIGHT!

Miku: **charges at mettaton and starts patheticly punching and kicking him**

Mettaton: oh darling you can't hurt me when I'm like this and even if you could those pathetic hits wouldn't do much anyway! **grabs a hold of miku and flys her straight through the labs walls into the hot lands dragging her through the ground then flys her over lava**

Miku: **grunting in pain hitting mettaton but it's having no effect still the she does a loud high note**

Mettaton: **covers where his ears might be** GAH! but nice cords the darling but you sealed your own

Miku: **stops herself and flys up towards mettaton smirking**

Mettaton: oh my your just fall of surprises aren't you well so am I

**a bunch of smaller mettatons grab miku**

Mettaton: now to end this! **fires an electric blast**

Miku: **shouting in pain as the mini mettatons also explode around her** grrrr! **pulls out her pickaxe and starts hacking away at mettaton**

Mettaton: **laughs standing there taking it** oh you'll never learn **pulls out his chain saw and slices straight into her shoulder**

Miku: **wines and headbuts mettaton so hard it turns him around exposing his switch and she flips**

Mettaton: did you just.... **falls from the sky and crashes hard on the ground**

Miku: **stands over him and just kicks his motion less body**

K.-

mettaton: im not knocked out yet!!! **a light shoots from the ground mettaton doing the most glamorous of poses transformed into mettaton EX** now your death will be beautiful

Miku: **gets annoyed by this and rushes in for a attack**

Mettaton: **dodges and strikes a pose** no touchy~ **starts beating down miku with a flurry of kicks and poses** is that it who knew you couldn't fight

Miku: **getting pissed off she grows in size slightly bigger than mettaton** ENOUGH!! **punches mettaton so hard part of his face breaks apar surprised he's vulnerable now**

Mettaton: I have a heart you know do you! **brings his soul out and starts shooting out electric bolts from all directions**

Miku: **skilfully dodges all of them then grabs his soul**

Mettaton: w-wait what are you doing don't-!

Miku: **crushes the soul causing Mettaton to instantly shut down then miku clenches her fist and smashes his body to pieces** whew!..... **miku does a cute pose to the camera** I win!!!

K.O.

Sapphire: i I have no words how did she that's impossible!

Lucifer: actually it's very possible miku may have little compat experience but she still has solor system level feats

Sapphire: **sigh** I guess that's true but couldn't mettaton just stay in his box fkrm and slowly take out miku

Lucifer: yes and no yes he could eventually take her but no with her crazy regenerate even surviving being deleted after what ever happened to hatsune miku she just tributes over him in many ways

Sapphire: thinking of it theres no instance in this match up to where mettaton comes out on top I mean the guy can lose to a kid

Lucifer: the winner is hatsune miku

#undertale #anime #death battle #fiction beatdown #fiction #mettaton #natsu #mortal kombat #liu kang #natsu dragneel #hatsune miku #miku #vocoloid

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aliiii-glasgow · 3 years

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The Devil

Have you ever looked into the eyes of The Devil? I would imagine you would instantly say a simple “no”. I challenge you to think again, because he is not who you are thinking of. I, personally, have gazed into his eyes, time and time again. I know him all too well, and have been under his spell for 7 years, now. You see, The Devil is a simple man. He’s tall, has long hair, and tells you the sweetest of lies. He has the most beautiful green eyes you have ever seen; sometimes they appear more gray or blue. My friend, The Devil, has many tattoos that lay upon his skin so perfectly. Some of them are quite beautiful, and some of them are not, but each one possess a story from his past. Although he may seem like your average human being, he is far more powerful than that. You can feel his pain when he walks into the room, it opens up an endless pit inside of you. You can feel his insecurities, for they shine bright despite his efforts to conceal them. The Devil will show you pure bliss, just to replace it with true hell. I can only warn you about him, but your fate lies in your own hands.

It was a warm day in June of 2014, when I first met The Devil. He was a real “cool guy”. I didn’t pay him much mind, considering that he was just the current boyfriend of my best friend, and those relationships never lasted long anyway. I brushed him off, figuring this would be the first, and last time I ever saw him. Unfortunately, I would see him again, and again. Shortly after the breakup, I received a message from him. Of course I didn’t think anything of it, for I was the most innocent of all my friends. Little did I know, that The Devil was seeking me out, like prey. He could feel my weakness from the moment he met me, and he knew that he could fool me. He knew that I would give in to him, and I did exactly that. You see, I was innocent, and he admired that, but The Devil fell from Heaven for a reason , right? I reminded him of what once was, pure and untouched. He couldn’t help himself, he had to destroy me. He couldn’t wait to get his devilish hands on my pure body. Unfortunately for me, he accidentally touched my soul in the process.

I was young, and looking for love. I did end up finding it, in an empty and heartless man. I knew he was broken from the second I spoke to him, but it was okay, for I was too. I always had a love for damaged goods. Now, I didn’t think I could fix him, nor was that my intention, but we understood each others pain. I thought at the very least, we could console each other. We both came from broken homes, so it was a bonding topic. We spent so many nights criticizing the way we were raised, and all that we had to go through during our upbringings. I wish I knew he was just buttering me up, so he could use me just like he did everyone else. I have a soft spot for things that are broken, for I always say “you can find beauty in everything”. I found The Devil so unbelievably beautiful, despite his tragedies. I was warned, many of times.;by friends, family, and not so friendly strangers. It was too late though, The Devil already had me in his clutches. I was right where he dreamed he would get me, and I didn’t care about the dangers ahead.

The Devil has a way with words; smooth, nonchalant, short. He doesn’t have to say much , for you to know what he means. He really knows how to be tempting, it’s his specialty. He tempted me countless times, and soon after, tainted me. One summer night he decided to take his moms car, even though he had no license, and come pick me up around 1 am. He really never was a fan of playing by the rules. On that night, I left the safety and comfort of my childhood home, just to end up walking the streets to get back home after doing things that no 14 year old should do. See, The Devil isn’t the brightest of the bunch, so he left the keys in the ignition while we were in the backseat. From early on, I started to notice his streak of “bad luck”. You might ask, “What are you getting out of this?”. To that I would say “Truthfully, I don’t know, I just feel a connection.”. I should have known then.

Without much time passing, The Devil, and I, decided it was time to lose what was left of my purity. He was beyond ready to get to defile my untouched body. I didn’t know better, and the only guidance he gave me was based on his benefit. I trusted him, so I agreed. After about 3 whole minutes, it was done. It wasn’t quite like what I had expected. It wasn’t a “magical experience where your souls connect”. It was simply painful, and unfulfilling. I didn’t feel any different afterwards, just like he said. How could I blame myself? He was confident, and charming, and I am a sucker for sweet nothings, and he’s right, “it doesn’t matter anyways.” He put on a big show, and made it seem like he knew everything about the female body, and I was highly disappointed. I always thought that sex was for both parties to enjoy. Trust me though, it gets worse from here.

After a few months go by, I was in so much pain that I was vomiting uncontrollably, and crying into the toilet. I had no idea what was wrong with me, I had never felt a pain like this in my life. Are menstrual cramps always this bad? My mother had to leave work to take me to urgent care. They were unable to find the cause of my pain, and sent me to the ER. Now, imagine how scared I was, having no clue what’s wrong with me. It was at the ER where they asked “Are you sexually active?” In front of my poor mother. It was in that moment that she found out that I was. After being probed by the doctors, they sent me home. A week or two later I got the news that The Devil had given me an STD. Fortunately for me, it was curable, but unfortunately for me, my love for the Devil has no cure. The Devil lied to me. Apparently he never had it, even though both of his ex girlfriends did.

So, after finding out this devastating news, I had to contact The Devil once more. I had thought that we were over, considering that he moved on so quickly after our short lived relationship. The Devil was not pleased to hear from me under these circumstances. Somehow, everything suddenly became my fault. Apparently, I, the virgin, gave him the STD. Now, trust me, I am just as confused as you are. I sat, racking my brain trying to think just how this was possible. After realizing that there was no way on this Earth that this could be true, a flood of emotions went through my brain. Not only did he lie to me, he blamed me. His anger towards me was nearly unbearable. How could The Devil be so inconsiderate? This is when I really should’ve known.

After doing my research, I realized exactly what had happened. He can’t take responsibility for a single one of his actions. His goal is to make you seem as crazy as possible so that he might not have to take a look at himself. It is truly amazing how long one can keep up this act for. In fact, to this day, he keeps it up. So, after him accusing me in every way he could manage, I decided that I was done with The Devil, I would no longer speak to him. Shortly after, the friendships I had lost due to this catastrophic relationship were healed. I gained the trust of my friends back, and life was good, without the influence of The Devil. Although, this would all not be true, and they would all be disappointed once more.

After a few months, The Devil crept his way back into my life. We decided that the past was silly, but he still didn’t admit to anything. I accepted passed time as responsibility, as well as an apology. I decided to blindly overlook this glaring red flag. I decided that everyone deserves a second chance, even The Devil, who will so gladly take what he can get. Now, he currently is in another relationship while reinstating ours. I didn’t think much of it, other than being proud that he chose me over her. I gave him plenty of time to break up with her, because being the other woman wasn’t as bad as I had thought. He had me right where he wanted me, once again. How did I not see it?

Now it is time to tell the part that really ties us together; trauma bonding. The Devil told me about this “super cool” drug, called LSD. He absolutely adored this drug. I would go as far as to say that this reality altering substance may have been his first true love. Well, I loved him, and he loved LSD, so why not do it together? Right, there’s about a million reasons why we shouldn’t, but that wouldn’t stop us. This is when it gets dark. This “super cool” drug was by far the worst experience of my entire life, up to this point. In this moment, I saw The Devil for who he really was. He was bright red, and screaming in my face. I knew I was in love with Lucifer himself. Well, what is there left to do now?

I knew exactly what I should do. I should cut all ties with The Devil, and run as far away as possible. Well, how could I do that? He was there with me through the most terrifying thing I’ve ever experienced. Wait, he was the most terrifying part of that event. Oh, Im silly, it was just the drugs, right? Theres no way I’m actually in a relationship with “Lucifer himself”. He may have done some awful things in his past, but that’s definitely behind him now, right? Wrong. The Devil was just waiting to break me down even further. That is exactly what I would let him do.

He then decided that cheating on me was the right thing to do. After all we’ve been through together, I didn’t foresee this. Now, I should’ve expected this, but I truly didn’t see it coming. Apparently, we were in an open relationship that I wasn’t aware of. This was surprising news to me. The Devil denied ever having said anything of the sort. Not to mention he denied that he cheated on me. It was at this point that I started to recognize his pattern, and lifestyle, but it was too late. He was in love with a fast life. The Devil himself had become my drug of choice; my addiction.

I forgave the poor Devil, yet again. How could I not? He is my favorite drug, and things would be different this time. He pleaded with me, “please don’t ever leave me!” whilst crying into my arms. Of course I said I wouldn’t leave, but in the depths of my mind, I knew I couldn’t stay. Was he putting on an act? Or was he finally breaking down? It was neither. He was just as addicted to me as I was to him. Now we had a real problem. We were just constantly using each other to get our fix. This was a dangerous addiction. How could we go on like this? Is there a way out?

The way out was away from each other. Little did we know that this was merely just another break in our 7 year relationship. My dog, “our son”, needed a new home. So I reached out to my friend, Lucifer. He was thrilled to take him in, and to see me after a year. I, also, was ecstatic to see him. This was our perfect opportunity to reconnect, and try again. We had such a long tolerance break, so things would be different this time. Or, so, I thought. Things started out perfectly with co-parenting, but it was all just smoke and mirrors. This was merely another excuse to keep us coming back to see each other. To no surprise, Lucifer couldn’t handle being a parent, and neither could I. Everything fell apart once again, and we parted ways on good terms.

So, now that we’re both addicted, the story becomes predictable. Of course we reconnect, and things are different this time. We have both grown, and are living on our own, seeing each other as successful. This time it is meant to be, and we won’t be playing anymore childish games. My best friend is dating his best friend, and everything is falling into place perfectly. This was proven to be true for all of one whole month. Everything was better than ever in the past. We were like our own little clique. It was the four of us against the world, and we were unstoppable. That was until The Devil does what he knows how to do best. Not only did he leave with no explanation, he completely disappeared. No last words, no reasons why, no goodbye, this time. All that I got from him was heart breaking silence. The crash of this extravagant high of being with him was enough to stop the world from turning. This had to be the last time. How many sleepless nights would it take to end this pain? How many bottles of liquor would it take to forget him?

It was at this point that I traded the addiction to the Devil for another. I began drinking excessively to numb the pain. I couldn’t stand his absence. It felt as though my very soul had been ripped away. No matter how much I drank, it wasn’t enough to forget him. It was only enough to drunk text him, and make things far worse than they already were. I regularly made a fool of myself in the eyes of the public on social media to try and get his attention. I would’ve done anything to get him back.

So many nights went by, but only for me to realize that I wasn’t done. I needed my fix. I just so desperately need one last chance to make things right. I got that chance. The Devil came back, and this time it was absolutely unbelievable. He had changed significantly. Lucifer, as I knew him, no longer existed. It was as if The Gods let him back into Heaven, and I was blessed enough to meet an angel. His flaws seemed to vanish right before my eyes. He became everything I had ever dreamed him to be. He was perfect to me. He had become sweet, loving, caring, and willing. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing and experiencing. What did I do to deserve such an angel in my life? It was pure bliss. By far, it was the best thing I had ever experienced. The Devil traded his old ways for new, but so had I. I was soaking up all of his good nature, and trying my best to give back. Was I trying to give back, or trying to trap him? Now, I had him in my clutches. Wait, when did I become The Devil, myself?

Somehow, the roles got reversed. I had him right where I wanted him. I noticed he was slipping away, so I tried even harder to keep him in my grasp. I did everything in my power to keep my grip on him. I used his own manipulative tricks on him. I acted sweet, caring, and loving, just to reel him back in, and it worked. He wasn’t going to leave me over my dead body, or he wouldn’t make it out alive. Noticing him trying to leave, I gave him one final choice. I told him he must stay, or go this time. He chose to stick around, which only added fuel to the fire burning both of us alive.

After a few months into the most beautiful relationship I had ever known, the world came crashing down. The Devil reformed to his devilish ways, once more. One day, he disappeared. I completely stopped hearing from him, and I was left to wonder if he was still alive. Our scheduled plans passed, with still no answers from him. This made me absolutely furious. I made so many phone calls, and sent numerous texts, still no answer. The Devil left me high and dry, with no way to get another fix. The part that I could not stand was that there was yet again, no explanation. Just maybe if I got one last fix of The Devil by saying goodbye, it would all be over, and I could quit my addiction once more.

I was wholeheartedly devastated. My world was over in my eyes. If I could not get my fix, then what was I to do? There are a million things I could’ve done, but instead I chose to go to any extent to get my revenge. My revenge consisted of exposing Lucifer. He had posted a video of him defending people at a Black Lives Matter protest, and I decided to counter act that. I had a video saved of him saying n****r. This was a common thing for him to say, and it felt so good to see his life crumbling down, and threats being sent his way. The fire we had created had finally turned into a full blown explosion. It was just what The Devil inside of me needed. I needed my fix of his attention, and that’s just what I got. I got his attention through a phone call. This phone call added to the flames of the world around us that we had set ablaze. We created hell for each other, and it felt just like home. When did I become so hateful?

I realized once that wreckage had cleared, all the damage I had truly done. Not only did I have a long run with The Devil, I had become The Devil. What I learned, is that The Devil lives within each and every one of us. He taunts us, tempts us, and tries to control us. Unfortunately, sometimes he wins. This time, he triumphed over me, without hesitation. The goods news is, that this will be the last time I will ever have danced with The Devil. My old friend, Lucifer, will no longer be able to hold power over me. it took me 7 whole years to break free, and say goodbye to Lucifer. He is no longer welcome in my life, nor will he ever be.

As for The Devil inside of me, well he resides in all of us. It is up to each individual whether or not you let him come out to play. I have since put The Devil to rest, in every aspect of my life. He has served me illy, and I no longer hold space for him. I will forgive The Devil, and all of his workings, for he has taught me many valuable lessons. Lucifer, I wish you the best in all of your affairs, but leave me out of them. I forgive you, but most importantly, I forgive myself.

Your Old Friend,

Ali

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freebooter4ever · 4 years

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i cant sleep and its too hot to fucking function in my basement so lovecraft country ramble time

ok so first off I TOTALLY CALLED BLONDE BITCH BEING THE NEXT BIG BAD fuck yeah! I knew she plotted to kill her father and this was her sole purpose for luring Tic in, not because she wanted his power or prestige but because she knew it would give her shit dad enough hope to convince him to commit suicide by attempting some crazy spell lol. But there is no way she has Tic or Leti's best interests in mind, i am one hundred percent convinced that this girl is after power in the way her father wants power - which is like an awesome way of highlighting white womens tendency to want to gain the privilege of white men rather than seeking to destroy the entire system of privilege. Thats why i think Tic and Leti are gonna have to take the white lady down. Also pretty sure the white lady and creepy stare dude are the same person and that she can switch genders which is kinda cool, but also if she is the big bad and her evilness is tied to her fathers hatred of women and then we throw in some magical sex change and bisexuality in there...yeahhhhh. oh well, im not too concerned cause the rest of the story is too ducking good.

I AM SO CONFUSED BY ALL THE HORROR STUFF like i totally get all the history references (except for emmit till that was very sad and wow what detail), but i am shooting in the dark trying to figure out how all these different pieces of lore fit together. i think that might be the one complaint i have about the show, the rules of the magic are unclear and not well explained....i am very picky about magic and rules, ive been spoiled by diana wynne jones expert handling of this. BUT its a cool magic and the history side of the story is spectacular so again not too concerned.

Papa Tic is gay isnt he :( and in love with that bar owner dude, and this must be why George is Tic's real father (still in denial that he is dead) and why that one random guy who seems to be an old classmate of Tic and Leti's keeps taunting Tic about it. Papa Tic being gay could also explain why his father beat the life out of him but not George, which was always a little wishywashy and uncertain. If this is the case, im gonna cry, cause like that suddenly humanizes this character in a way that i think could make it possible for this epic quest to mend Tic and Papa Tic's family.

Im in love with Leti, like the entire show could be her character and Id probably be happy. I wish we could see more of her motivations, and as much as I enjoyed the spontaneous kiss it felt...well...spontaneous.

Leti's sister and white bitch boy was...disturbing? I think it was supposed to be like a steamy sex scene???? I dont honestly know? It was just weird and fell under the im not watching this category alongside like the monsters ripping peoples heads off so...okay.

I CANT BELIEVE PAPA TIC DID THE THING and then the quote in the previews about the magic turning people evil....ALL this makes sense but like...as a history buff....I CANT BELIEVE PAPA TIC DID THE THING. i was super looking forward to having an ancient human deal with the modern world captain america style too. she was already one of my favorite characters and i was invested in her story and how they were all going to heal her and learn so much and then they just....did....that. im biased though, i desperately love any south american history and i think thats where they hinted she was from?? Maybe central america? It said something about many waters which made me immediately think of Tenochtitlan. but again i dont think im enough of an expert here to catch all the references.

ANYWAY if the way the show is headed is that this magic corrupts peoples minds this totally fits with the allegory of the systems of power (white supremacy/racism) needing to be taken down and obliterated rather than (as blonde bitch lady is doing) working to infiltrate them from the inside and take power for themselves. This is also fitting with the fact that Tic didn't do anything to 'earn' his power - it was just birthright and shows how superficial the secret society's connections are. So, hopefully because of this Tic will be able to see through the temptation (theres a lot of adam eve and temptation stuff to delve into too) and allure of absolute power and realize that by learning this stuff he is actually endangering his family even more rather than hope to wield the power and protect them. Kinda like poor Boromir and the ring of power actually.

I LOVE THIS SHOW sorry if this readmore doesnt work and i accidentally give someone spoilers

#Pls not too much horror lovecraft country liveblog

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stardustpinkart · 4 years

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I'm always looking for new comics to read? When I saw the title, I though "Oh it's a period drama, like, Jane Austen or something"... I was so stunned with what I got. I was so absorbed. The second you see the women, dressed like this, in a modern day setting? I dont think you can stop reading. Visuals really help I reckon with such a story. I dont think I'd have been able to imagine the uniforms and such? One complaint I have regarding the tv series is they make the wives too pretty, but its a minor. I like the blue cloaks they give them, just as dowdy in tere own way as the rest of the womens clothes, if a little more regal. And Serena joy being the exact opposite of her name. Her a dried up bitter old hag who's been taken at her word women belong in the house. She certainly seems to regret it. They get the aunts very well in both the tv series and graphic novel I thought. After reading the comic, I imagine Offred with long black hair. But again a minor thing. I think in this day and age, making a tv adaption was fantatsic? Because look at the world today? Were so much more open and accepting. Race, colour, transgender, homosexuality, women being single parents, working mothers. Even if you dont agree most accept it, and anyone with sense ignores the bigots? So the country being taken over like this. To these rigid, narrow minded ways, using god as a justification? That there absolute in there way of living, theres no way they could be wrong. If there is a god, I belive in a loving mercifcal god. Imagine if these crazies were punished with eternal damnation. That'd be ironic. Its such a miserable joyless existance. Lets go with the basics. No good food, no music, no tv. No family outings, no dancing, no drawing, no reading. Your expected to make do with the most basic things, even if your a woman of standing like the Commanders wives. The only hobbies they seem permitted are knitting and needlepiont. I dunno if you would be looked down upon, as I read in the sequel the Testaments, or punished for even trying? I would guess the latter after watching the tv series. Even thinking of doing something they consider wrong, often in more extreme cases, gets you hung on the world. Kinda like 1984 there and the thought police. Theres nothing to fill your life with, to make you happy. You meant to be content with your meager lot. And of course, its all the worse for the handmaids. They take everything from you. Your name, your children, both new and pre existing. You belong to whoever youve been posted to. You have no say in the matter. What you think, how you feel, it doesent matter. Your a THING, and you should consider it a privelge to be what is basially a sex slave. A breeding machine. What you have to look forward to? Being raped monthly untill your pregant, and they used and used again? Being raped alone, what would that do to your mind? How scared would you feel? How dirty and used? And then going through all the pain of pregnacy, and forced to give the child away? Over and over if possible? Your mind would snap easily. Its no wonder so many escape via suicide. The new goverment knows as much in the early days and takes measure to even take away the womens possible escape. Shatterproof glass, removing fixtures you could possibly hang from. Like prison guards taking laces. Killing yourself? Its not easy. I think people who get pushed that far, they see no other way out? So what does that tell you about the hell they must be in? How badly must the women want to run away, just, take off down a street running like crazy untill reaching a safe place, but there is no escape? It makes me wonder. Does a part of the people in power, SOMEWHERE, know what there doing is wrong? Or are they truly so blind to there cruelty? Probabaly a bit of both, looking at human beings. If its not happening to them, they dont care, they dont empathize. I enjoy the ambigious ending of the book. It looks as if the world DID go back to nromal eventually, people saw sense. Whetehr or not offred was a part of it or not? That way whatever plays off in the tv series is fair game also. The foirst season followed the book pretty well I thought, so anythign after, grand. I hope it has a happy ending. It could. Its had a lot of hope spots certainly along with the more relaistic casualties. Life's a crapshoot in reality. Emily escaping, getting back to her family. Same with Moira. Getting all those children out. I really rather hope they dont replace Offred/June. But, she could be one of those admittedly, that dident make it out during such a horrible event, much like real history. This is not meant to be June in particular. Its any Handmaid who realises the horrible situation there in, not brainwashed.

#artwork #the handmaid's tale #fanart

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unseeliecourtjester · 4 years

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I'm watching the Witcher! I have thoughts but I don't want to liveblog by spamming my blog with single posts so I'm just updating this one as i go. We good? Good.

Don't read this if you haven't watched it obviously because A spoilers duh and B it is pretty much incomprehensible if you haven't (and probably also if you have lol)

I've watched 8/8 episodes

Ep 1:

And right into action we jump! Nice

Ok. Killing a monster and a helpless injured animal in the first scene, it's that kind of show.

Fun bantz with daughter and dad i presume, love that

Bombarded with exposition. What's happening?

Lots of grey morality. Like it.

Very mirrory, that eclipse girl and the wizard. Who's right who's wrong? Who knows, Im sure we'll lose either way.

Really good clothing and set design!

The soundtrack is banger after another just very very good

I knew I find manbuns and half up half down hair very sexy but man if Geralt and that wizard guy from the royal storyline don't remind me of it, thank you for your service!

The fight choreography where geralt takes those men is superb and camerawork supports it in a way that's its actually possible to follow and enjoyable to watch, great job!

Hmm okay so seems like timelines are a bit fucky, princess scenes after geralt scenes

"I love you" "find Geralt of Rivia" OUCH

Good scenes but oh man i wouldn't want my rulers to just kill themselves during an attack yikes

Not to say that those suicides make me excited and confused but well i am definitely confused and excited for the princess storyline and what the heck those nilfgard (sp?) folks want.

Ep 2.:

Poor girl. (i wonder if thats makeup or if they actually cast an actress that looks like that, which would be v good)

So weird eye colours mean stuff?

Rat boy?

YES WE MET BARD BOY! Predictably I'm in love already. What a good first interaction

*Chanting* shrek dynamic shrek dynAMIC SHREK DYNAMIC!!!

I'm wheezing they really brought onions into this 👀

Thank the makers for not showing graphic self harm scenes 🙏

Powerful magic woman giving a monologue about chaos and magic? Hnnnggg

"Here i go again delivering exposition" *snort*

Hmm. What's the issue with the races? Elves etc i mean. And what's up with the guy wjo had to give "Fiona" shoes? He's one of the "clean ones"? Oof

Poor Yennefer.

Another good speech from powerful magic woman

Count on the bard to bring the laughs. And oof those elves, theres obviously some tension there.

Being Not human not another race but a Witcher does have its perks in talks with elves.

Things like "the great cleansing" worry me

There are three plots going on rn (i think theyre at the same time by now) and my priorities are 1. Geralt 2. Yennefer and 3. Fiona though 2. And 3. Is very close.

Hands down the most unrealistic thing is how everyone can repeat that language perfectly from having heard it once.

Yennefer is a half elven?

Huh. A game of marionettes and masters. The wizard controls the boy, the magician controld the girl.

Sidenote, the magic system of channeling chaos into magic and newtons 3rd law is metal and i love it

Eels, huh? Interesting.

So taking stock we have Bard (Human) & Geralt (Witcher), Yennefer (Half elf) and Humans, and Ciri (Human) & Dara (Elf).

First two episodes are over and I'm hooked. Excuse me while I go listen to "Toss a coin to your Witcher" on repeat a few hundred times now.

Ep 3

Here we gooooo

I watched half of it on a train and was too engrossed to write about

Fuck it up Yennefer!

Boob window!

Ok wait so wait wait wait is Yennefer still a Timeline before geralt?

Oh man beauty is a difficult concept

I miss the bard

Ep 4

What's that warrior women tribe and why did the forest call ciri?

I've had the bard for a day but if anything hapoens to him I'll kille everyone in this room and then myself

I love how his song has taken off!

Fuck yeah sidequest!

If i were to describe everything i loved about that scene id have to transcribe it whole

Timelines are fuckin... Fucky

Oh now we'll find out why grandmother wanted ciri to get geralt. Guess he made an impression

Damn she's so metal

Oh btw we love when media passes the bechdel test

Aww Yennefer.

Hmm.

That has to be a gambit

Ok i just read up on the law of surprise, and like to almosr everything in this ep my reaction is "metal af"

WHAT THE FUUUUUCK

Ep 5

Are you making a humunculus?

Doppler!???!?

Oh no poor wizard man

Oh Fremdscham alter Freund

These German accents oof

Oh Yennefer

Ragamuffin LOL

Jaskier huh? Nice name

Well fuck

Right. Good.

Make him drink the water! The doppler doesn't have good intentions

Also i really hope ciri isn't promised to geralt by the law of surprise in a yucky way

I love how lust and sex is handled here

"Flora and (yikes) Fauna" oh jaskier every word out of your mouth is peak comedy

Oof that guy Yennefer is traveling with

I bet they're gonna end up being a team anyways, i mean our main characters. Some how the others will perish.

Oh doppler you're so dumb

Witcher good ending: Geralt & Yennefer make a life with Ciri (I'm sure 1. fics are being written as we speak & 2. It wont happen)

Oh man that route

There's so much suicide and suicidal ideation in this it's crazy

And: called it!

There are so many insanely good quotes

"it's hard to regret something you didn't chose" yeah

Yennefer! Don't sleep with makeup

You forgot jaskier!

Yeah the hints were there. Blorchs fancy jacket...

Why does nothing good ever last. Yennefer and Geralt are so good together

And poor jaskier

We really in it now, Ariana

Ep 7

Wow calanthe you should know by now that these foul tricks don't work

Man, geralt cant catch a break

He's such a nerd

Harsh teachers get a lot of mileage out of "You're my best student"

... And that's why it's so easily used against their students.

Fuck i really care for these characters. Especially geralt, Yennefer and jaskier.

Yennefer just wanted to send sad girls on the drug trip of their lives and they're just... Hmm.

Ideology is so dangerous when it makes sense to you

And to think, geralt was right there under cintra

Well that was... Hmm

Ep 8

We haven't seen elves in a long time

Uh... No?

I dont accept geralt dying like that and at that time

OH HELL YEAH THAT INTRO ANIMATION

There's nothing

Of everything thats happened so far, the magic, the hotness, etc etc, i feel like my biggest fantasy brought to the screen in the witcher is a powerful teacher appreciating and spending time with a former student.

(*Tissania waving a glass of ale at Yennefer* me: god i wish that were me)

Ok but what's happening with geralt?

Who is vesemir

All those magic scenes are so good

Oof they just keep missing each other

Are they gonna meet in the last scene?

... They did. In the last scene.

Colour me interested in season 2! Off to tvtropes i guess and the tumblr tag.

#the witcher #I talk #oc

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tikitm · 5 years

Text

tiki being a music nerd for 13 minutes straight

uhhHh so oscar and ozpin’s theme are mixing more ?? i hear little bits and pieces of ozpin’s theme , then oscar’s in ‘trouble on the argus limited’

in the same track , ‘trouble on the argus limited’ , ozpin’s theme begins to play , but then takes a ,,, darker, more sinister sounding note instead of that higher , more hopeful note in his theme that he usually has

the main theme , rising can be heard when ruby is telling the plan in ‘trouble on the argus limited’ and it’s soft , but it’s there , which carries on the theme that they’re trusting ‘in the light’ and ‘rising like the moon’

the playful theme in ‘mistral central station’ that captures the character’s excitements ?? amazing

then it goes into dee and dudley’s theme that sound Annoying as Heck , and then it blends into qrow’s theme ?? beautiful stunning amazing bird dad

then you hear ozpin’s theme again , which slowly gets taken over by oscar’s theme again , and they they seem to blend together again , like they have been doing

the piano part of smile in ‘mistral central station’ gave me goosebumps !! ilia has come such a long way as a character and it makes me happy that she funny has a straight path she Wants to go on

and there it is - ‘like morning follows night’ - a perfect , slow , version of it that really enraptures sun’s ,,, softness for blake and how he came to support her and after all , he did support her and help her and that makes me soo happy

but then it trails off into a lighter tune when the camera pans to yang and her friends and hhhHhh im soft

wow then it takes a dramatic tone shift to a dark and sinister theme for ‘spider’s web’ because cinder is starting to get into some Shady Shit™️ because she’s desperate for any kind of information on anyone

and then it pans right into that cue music that neo is Right There™️ , ready to attack , and then it goes into softer , more sinister and mischievous music that shows that wow they’re actually up to something , and it’s going to be big and bad and it’s going to put someone to shame

AND THEN THE THEME OF ALL THINGS MUST DIE PLAYING SOFTLY AND SLOWLY ??? amazing. im so excited akdhsks

all things must die slowly transitions into one thing and that makes me happy because it’s their two themes blending into one another , showing that they’re working together - but the sinister undertones show that they don’t fully trust each other and there Are secrets and undertones being kept

‘say her name’ starts out soft and slow and relaxing , but then gets more mysterious and faster as it goes , showing the severity of the situation

ozpin is being really shady and not that trustful right now , and oscar’s trying to Fight It to give them the information they need and stuff , which shows through the undertones of his theme playing throughout the track , then his theme slowly taking over , showing that he is fighting against ozpin’s control - he wants to be his own person , which is way it’s even more upsetting when qrow says that he isn’t

and then the music picks up and up and up faster and faster and louder and louder , showing ruby’s decision to say jinn’s name -

and then it goes silent. it stops

and whOOsh jinn !! genie in a bottle !! genie in a lamp !! her upcoming theme has a few familiar notes that form a familiar melody , but they’re hard to place

and then the music picks up , showing ozpin’s desperation to keep things ‘close to the chest’ and BOOM the music stops

im literally going to do an entirely different thing for ‘a delicate balance’ because there’s so much to say about this track - and it’s e i g h t m i n u t e s

‘our creation’ - im guessing it’s for the god of light’s moment with ozma

it’s soft , slow , and with the choir in the background , it makes the music seem ,,, important and urgent - like something Needs to be done and that something needs to be done quickly

and oof ozma’s theme soft in the background , showing that after all , he is still human and he wants a normal life and all that and hhhh i feel so bad

im skipping around im sorry

‘brunswick farms’ has that sinister , dangerous vibe , but we’re not sure what it is yet - dangerous , mysterious - we don’t know.

and it’s slow - it slows down at certain points to really emphasize on the scariness

the slow piano at a certain point gives it a certain softness that it shouldn’t have - a false sense of security , if you will . but then it turns into more mysterious , with hints of qrow’s theme (which im guessing is for the part of his drinking™️) that is slow

AND OH SHIT THERES THE PART WITH THE DROPPING OF THE BOTTLE

and ruby YANKS herself up and woAh that’s kinda scary

‘the apathy’ is probably the scariest track in the ost. it’s slow , sinister , and it’s literally telling you something is about to happen

AND THEN THE MUSIC PICKS UP !! ITS THE SLEEP PARALYSIS DEMON BAY BEE

they’re running they’re running they’re running they’re running uh oh sisters

every time the music slows down it stops the melody slightly , that’s the part where the apathy SCREAMS , slowly zapping the motivation out of them

and each time it gets louder and louder and bigger because their influence is getting more and more overwhelming

and then the music slows down slightly because they’re giving up , and the sinister , scary theme is getting louder and louder - and then the silver eyes stops the music for a split second

and maria is over there , trying to coach ruby into using her eyes and then - BAM

and now they’re running out of the house , yelling for oscar to GET THE DAMN TIRE

and weiss sets the HOUSE ON FIRE and wow she’s committed arson

and they have to get the HECK out of there as quick as they possibly can

im doing something completely different for the grimm reaper skjsk

‘welcome to argus’ gave me goosebumps. the soft ,, piano of ‘rising’ gives them hope - gives us hope - because they made it. after all that shit , they made it. finally.

and then it gets into a more cheerful , nice theme of argus , with little notes of oscar’s theme in the beginning because ‘CUTE BOY OZ’ and then they’re touring around argus , looking at all the sights and stuff

ruby’s surprise in jaune’s sister is shown through the ‘ooh !!’ moment in the music that interrupts the melody of the entire track

‘cashews’ is amazing. it’s shows the literal stupidity of the entire interaction - from maria and cordoven’s banter , to a more serious match music , then slower , sadder music because ‘oop racism’ , but then it picks up again lmao

there isn’t much to say about the track ‘silver eyes’ but it shows the softness - the emotion - that goes into using silver eyes

‘jaune’s arc’ gives me whiplash. because it’s slow in the beginning - then it picks up speed to show jaune’s anger as he shoves oscar against the wall and Yells because his love died for ‘nothing’ , and he lets oscar go with sadness and regret , but he doesn’t say anything. and then as they’re looking for him , jaune has time to think things over. you hear the melody of ‘forever fall’ towards the middle , then the melody - the song itself - takes over as something to signify that jaune really Misses her , but gets closure

AND THEN OSCAR’S THEME !! HAPPY , HAPPY BOY !! its so happy !! he feels good about his new clothes - and despite what he says , he gave himself closure for now , but im sure itll be touched upon later because of the cut off of his theme , interrupted by qrow’s theme to show qrow’s grumpiness and all that

and then ruby’s speech !! she had a little bit too many speeches , but the theme ‘rising’ plays again , to show her - their - determination to get to atlas and figure it out because they WILL rise like the moon - like the sun - no matter what. they won’t give up.

‘the heist’ !! a theme that gives everyone Anxiety because no one thought it would work , and the moment it did work , it didn’t . weiss and maria sneak onto the airship and take them out , with the others standing around waiting , and yang and blake off on their own

a small version of oscar’s theme plays as he comforts ruby , showing how much he’s grown into his own character

and then the music picks up and oof it turns suspenseful because oh Shit where’s blake

‘into the canon’ is not only scary on screen , but also scary music wise. it’s suspenseful , it mixes both blake and yang’s fights and the other fight together. the music is fast and urgent , showing that they have to get away and fast and if it doesn’t work , bad things will happen. bad things are going to happen.

but first !! the battle music for cordoven’s fight. fast , playful , serious at the same time. it shows both perspectives of the fight - absolute absurdity , which cordoven feels , and the urgency that the team feels. cordoven thinks this is childish - disgraceful. the team thinks this is important - something that Has to happen or else they can’t complete their mission.

and ruby goes DOWN THE CANON

i have to do an entirely different thing for ‘protecting each other’ too

OH NO HERE COMES THE GRIMM

the music gets dangerous , crazy , fast - they have to do something quick or bad things will happen and that won’t be okay. huntsman and huntresses are supposed to protect - if they can’t do that , then what are they good for ?

jinn’s theme , then the hopeful theme of indomitable is just 👌👌

-‘flight to atlas’ gives closure - peace that they couldn’t find for a while. it’s slow , soft , showing that they made it - it was a long , stressful process , but they made it. with a lighter version of qrow’s theme , small undertones of ozpin’s and oscar’s theme , and then how the music SWELLS when they see atlas because it’s beautiful - it’s grand , it’s amazing - and they made it. there’s a sense of triumph in there , a sense of urgency and a sense of pride. they rose , and they’re going to try and stay there

uhhHHh thanks for sticking around to hear my literal Ramblings about the ost and me being a music nerd - this ost is just so good ?? and if you haven’t listened to it go give it a listen ! the vocal tracks are Amazing , and so are the instrumental ones.

#rwby #rwby6 #rwby soundtrack #oscar pine #ruby rose #jaune arc #ozpin #qrow branwen #im tagging the characters that i actually mentioned by name akdhjaa #welcome to tiki #being a music nerd #im so sorry about this

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blondecarfucker · 5 years

Text

Bed of Roses (Last Chapter - 21)

Roger Taylor x Reader

BoRhap!Roger Taylor x Reader

Fic Summary: It's 1971. You just moved to London to study, and you find a band on a local pub after a bad date. The encounter doesn’t go the way you expect it, and neither does what follows this evening as you try to deal with loving Roger Taylor.

Fic Note: So I’ve had this story in my head for the last three weeks and finally decided to write it down. It’s completely planned. It will have 21 chapters and it’s divided in three acts: Dusk, Night and Dawn. It’s will be a bit angsty in the future, and it will most likely have some smut as well. I hope you guys enjoy it! Tell me what you think about it in the asks/comments/messages. If this is your first time stumbling upon Bed of Roses, thank you for stopping by! The rest of the story is in my masterlist, the link is in my bio - can't put the link here or else the post will disappear from the tags.

Chapter's notes: THE LAST CHAPTER. I CANT FUCKING BELIEVE. i feel like before i start my thank yous i could give you some weird trivia on the story. i wrote the entire outline for the fic at a weekend shift at work, where i always have free time. i had some smaller ideas - them meeting at a bar and not seeing again, the whole kensingon-taxi-class thing from the beginning - but there was a sudden burst of inspiration and in like twenty minutes the outline was done, and very little has changed, i mostly just added some more details. also, i imagine the reader as alicia silverstone in the 90s?? idk. i just do. also, the reader thing with new york comes from the fact that i lived there for a while and i miss it so much, so thats why theres so much detail about places and stuff - its my form of revisiting my favourite spots there. also, will (REMEMBER WHEN) was written with sebastian stan in mind, and liv tyler (in her lord of the rings days) was poppy. i did too much research for this fic on queen history, and everytime i had to change something (especially in the first act) so the dates made more sense, it KILLED ME.

anyway, now the thank yous: SHIT THIS FIC IS SUCH AN IMPORTANT CHAPTER ON MY LIFE. its my first time writing such a long story without abandoning it, and my first time writing fiction in english, so i learned so much!! i was doing some research the other day, and the great gatsby is like 47k words long, and the first harry potter is around 70k words long - bed of roses is around 60k words long. this is crazy.

it's also my first story to get this many readers interacting with me, and i'm so grateful for you all!! i thought about thanking you all by name, but i dont want anyone to feel left out so i just want every and each one of you reading these words to know: if you read my story, thank you. thank you for giving me your time of the day, thank you for connecting with what i wrote, thank you for telling me in any way possible that you've enjoyed it. thank you. a writer must write, but theres not a lot of joy in talking to an empty room. you filled my small room with warmth and love and there's not enough words to express my gratitude for you all. thank you.

about my writing: i plan on FINALLY DOING THE MANY REQUESTS I HAVE IGNORED OVER THIS FINAL ACT OF BED OF ROSES - requests are still open, too! i'm also outlining a smaller roger x reader fic where she's one of the videographers on the news of the world documentary, so keep an eye out for that! i'm gonna open a permanent taglist for the requests (and eventual new fic), so if you want to be added, hit me up in the ask box/comments/inbox!

anyway i'll finally wrap up this chapter's note cause you have the final chapter to read. enjoy my loves

Words: nearly 4k

Warnings: none??? part of their dialogue is inspired by some of my favourite movies and books like her and the wife and almost famous and before sunrise and the fault in our stars and eternal sunshine of the spotless mind and maybe more I DONT KNOW ITS BEEN AN EMOTIONAL RIDE OK I CANT EVEN REMEMBER WHERE DID I PULL THIS FROM EXACTLY. some errors too cause i didnt revise it completely my bad im crying ok

ACT 3 - DAWN

"It's the moment night time seems weaker and everything seems easier to figure out"

Chapter 21

Roger lit a cigarette in the train cabin, and tried to open the top window, the one you can usually pull open.

"Rog, it's not gonna open, you know", you told him as you watched him fiddling with the glass.

"I guess you're right. Hope you won't be bothered by the smoke", he said, taking a puff.

"I won't if you share it with me", you answered, and with a half smile on his lips, Roger lifted the cigarette to your lips, and you breathed in the smoke while looking at him through your lashes.

"Don't look at me like that. Especially if the cigarette smoke is going to leave the cabin sultry and hot", he told you, and you laughed.

"Yeah, and we won't do anything about it", you said, trying to make yourself more comfortable in your seat.

"And why is that?", he asked, batting his lashes innocently at you, you you lightly elbowed his ribs.

"We need to do something else, something we've been ignoring the whole trip", you said, and he raised his brow. "We need to talk about us", you told him, and he breathed out, smoke coming out of his nose.

"I guess you're right again", he said, then slid a bit down on his seat.

You didn't think much about talking about your future with Roger while in Paris, so now has to be the time, on a train that will take you to London and to a whole month of Roger being away, promoting News Of The World.

While in Paris, you never talked to Roger about the future, and talks of the past where subtle - you talked about how you felt with the development Doctor Who took over the years, but didn't think much about the fact that you were separate during years of the show.

You enjoyed the city, but most of all, you enjoyed each other's presence, not only going to museums, churches and castles around you, following them up with fancy dinners and walks along the Seine, but you also spent time inside the room, in your pajamas, ordering take out from restaurants you found on the phone book, having a hard time trying to speak french as Roger tickled the sole of your feet and kept trying to distract you.

You would always remember the peace you felt as you ate cheap chinese food on Roger's shirt on the balcony at night, the Eiffel Tower shining over your meal and Roger's electric blue eyes as he hummed early David Bowie's songs under his breath, or how at home you felt sitting on the couch, Roger on the floor with his head on your lap, his soft strands on your fingers as you tried to braid them while watching re-runs of I Dream of Jenie, Roger focused, trying to understand the french dubbing until he noticed what you were doing.

"Babe, are you trying to braid my hair? Think I'd look better if I'd look more girly?", he said, moving his head back so he can look at you.

"Yeah. Always thought so, but I'll have to keep imagining, since your hair is too short to braid", you pouted, and he laughed.

"Don't you like my new hair, then?", he asked, pouting back, and you moved your head to his level so you could press a quick kiss to his lips.

"I love it, Rog. Especially cause since it's shorter, it looks even messier after I pull it", you said, and he smirked. "My favourite look of yours is when you're all dishevelled after sex", you winked, teasing him.

"That's my favourite, too", he said, turning completely around and pulling you in for a kiss, his hand on the back of your neck.

But now, while in the smoke filled train cabin, you needed to make a few things clear.

"I've been avoiding this for a reason", he said, looking out the window, and you raised your brow, waiting for him to explain. "I have this weird, innate fear of you telling me it's all good but you don't want to see me again, or something", he said, and you gave him a half smile.

"I don't want to do this, Rog. And I won't do it", you told him, and he sighed in relief.

"Even though loving you is a bit complicated, I'll admit. Especially if you're me", you shrugged, and he turned to you, confused.

"Let me explain. I loved your idea for a bed of roses, a few days ago, cause it can exemplify our relationship so well. The roses feel so good against the skin, the smell is so intoxicating, it looks so beautiful - maybe too beautiful, ethereal, even. But then there's always a few thorns here and there, and they hurt so much when they lodge themselves on my skin, but I'm so intoxicated by the whole experience that I don't mind - I convince myself that it's nothing, and even that it's already part of me already, cause the thorns fit so perfectly on me, on my little stabs made by myself, by my own insecurities", you say, and he stares at you.

"What I'm trying to say is that every minute that I'm with you always distract me from the issues that come with being with you - the fact that there's a few expectations that come with being your serious girlfriend, be them always travelling with you while we're young, or eventually staying home once we have kids, knowing that you'll eventually cheat on me with a younger version of myself, while I'm too tired of taking care of the babies to even think about my sexual needs", you said, and you watched him frown.

"I'm not sure where you're going with this-", he started saying, but you cut him off.

"Let me finish, I promise it will get better", you said, fixing your posture as you start again. "But the thing is, I love you. I always have, ever since I started talking to you, you always trying to outflirt me, always seeing me as your equal. You desire me, but you also listen and see me as another human being, you never back down or ignore me if I challenge one of your beliefs, and you never treat me as a trophy-wife-to-be", you say, and you can feel your eyes fill with tears, but you're smiling. That's what you always loved about Roger. He smiled back at you.

"And because I love you, I don't want to deny myself the pleasure of being with you. I'd rather be in a bed of roses than in an empty bed - or worse, a blank bed, someone being there just so it's less cold at night. I want to be with you, Rog", you say, and he pulls you in for a hug, and you hold him back for a few moments before pulling away and looking at him in the eye.

"But also because I love you and I want to be with you, Rog, I don't want us to try to fit into this type of relationship I just mentioned. I don't want you to make me the other woman, either, when you eventually find someone so you can settle down, if it's not me" you said, rubbing your nose. "I guess I want to settle down with you, eventually, as we planned before, but this whole thing - living together and cheating if we're away for too long - it kills me, and I think it kills you, too. I respect you too much to want to cheat on you again, cause if I ever do and you never find out, I'll lose respect for you, and the same thing will happen if you cheat on me and I don't find out. And these are ugly truths, but this isn't our first time together; we know each other, we need to think about this", you told him, and he nodded.

"And I need to make it clear that I'll never be a simple rockstar housewife - I'll never be able to quit my job and look out for the kids while you travel the world and I make them lunch. I'll never be able to sit down on a dinner table on some award show with you and when someone asks me what I'll do, I'll smile as I say I'm a king-maker. I'm not", you said, firmly.

"And I'll never be satisfied with dumb spa and shopping trips as you do the actual work when we travel. If I have to live this life, I'll resent you, and I don't want that. I like being domestic with you, but this type of forced domesticity will poison us again - we're both too wild, too career-focused, for this. We've always been similar", you said, and he gave you a smile as you sighed. "I guess that's all I have to say", you shrugged, and he laughed. "Not much, right?", he said, running his fingers on his hair, pulling the strands back.

"Guess it's my turn now", he said, and you nodded, encouraging him. "When I saw you again, at the pub, there was so much that I wanted to say. I mostly wanted to apologize - it got lost as I got infatuated with you again, and tried to get you in bed - you know, usual stuff", he winked, and you laughed.

"But yeah, I kept looking at you while you updated me on your life, your skin glooming under the stars and the moonlight, and I couldn't stop thinking about all the things I wanted to apologize to you for. All the pain we caused each other. Everything I put on you. Everything I needed you to be or needed you to say. Cause no matter what - even if you had decided on never seeing me again after all this - I'll always love you, because we grew up together. And you helped make me who I am", he said, moving strands of your hair behind your ear.

"I just want you to know that there will always be a piece of you in me, always. Whatever someone you become, wherever you are in the world, however this" he said, pointing his finger to the two of us "works out, in whatever form it might take", he said, sighing "I'll always send you love. Before being anything else to me - and I hope to God you're always something more - you'll always be my friend, to the end", he told you, and the tears were already streaming down your cheeks. His cheeks soon mirrored yours.

"And now, after you so eloquently told me all your fears about our future, I need you to know something else, too", he said, as you wiped the tears under your eyes. "I always loved you for being the way you are. You always challenge me, you always make me work harder, try harder, to be better. And it's not even something you force me to do; I just follow your lead. The way you look was what first got into me, I won't lie, but the way you are is what made me stay. It's what will always make me stay", he said, a genuine smile on his lips. He made you feel warm, like the sun.

"You're the smartest person I know, you're funny, you enjoy sex, you're unapologetic, you're proud of who you are, even proud of your insecurities. And you have such a huge importance in my life: you made me who I am. Whatever way you want to make us work, I trust you. I just want to be with you, in whatever form it takes", he said, smiling, and then getting up and opening his bag.

"I forgot to give you something", he said, pulling a string out of the front pocket. You recognized the red glimmer. It was the heart necklace. "It's still yours to keep. Even though it's not in its original glory, it will always be yours. The necklace and my heart", he said, and you couldn't help but smile at him.

"Always so cheesy, Taylor", you said, joking as you moved your hair to the side so he could put the necklace on.

"You always loved it", he winked, and you laughed. "I do", you said, smiling.

"So, what does it all mean? Where are we?", you asked, and he shrugged. "Wherever you want us to be. I just hope that you keep me around", he told you sincerely.

"I will. So, we're not going back to our old ways, right? We're not back at sharing a flat and stuff", you said, and he nodded. "Sure".

"And you're going to spend a month away, all around the world. I don't want you to feel pressured not to cheat", you said, and he nodded again.

"Yeah, and you're back in London, starting a new job. I don't want you to be worried, too", he said.

"So, maybe no exclusivity, this time? At least not now. This is still debatable, in the future", you said, and he agreed.

"Makes sense. But I'll have a hard time desiring anyone but you", Roger said in a low voice, and you laughed to break any mood that might have settled. You needed to get things clear before making out in the train cabin.

"Me too, Rog. But I don't want to create any expectations of loyalty because we know each other too well, and I don't want a stupid fight to break this thing we're building together", you said.

"It's a good idea. So, no titles, too? I can't call you my girlfriend?", he said, and you laughed.

"You can, if you want to", you told him, and he pulled you closer to him.

"Good, cause I want to call you that on the News of the World launch party, that I'm hoping you'll go as my date", he said, pressing a kiss on top of your head, breathing in your fruity smell.

"Of course I'll go. I need to see the boys again", you told him, and he laughed.

"So you're not going for me, then?", he pouted, and you laughed again.

"No, I'm just going so I can meet Deacy's kid", you told him, and it was his turn to laugh.

Once you got to London, Roger offered to go to the airport alone - he had to get on his flight, and he was late. He knew you had to go home and get ready for work tomorrow, but you wanted to spend as much time with him as possible.

He looked relieved when you got on a cab with him to Heathrow.

"Big day tomorrow, huh", he said, rubbing your arm.

"Yeah, I still can't believe I'm finally going to work at the British Museum. It's so surreal, it feels like a dream. Like I'm living someone else's life", you said, looking out at the window, the early sunday morning reminding you of fresh starts - you were in the middle of one.

"Well, it's your life, and it's your job, cause you deserve it, babe. I never met someone who worked so hard to get where they want", Roger said, smiling, proud.

"I did. You and the boys", you said, and he huffed. "Guess you're right. Me and that pack of idiots, we turned out okay", he joked.

Once you got to the airport, you followed him to his gate.

You were feeling nervous - you had him for a week, and now it's time to say goodbye again.

You're both aware that the rest of the band is already waiting impatiently in the jet, but you can't help it - you hug him, dropping your luggage on the floor, and he does the same, the hug soon turning into a kiss as you rub your hands on each other's body, as if you're trying to remember how every inch of the other feels like, as if you're both about to disappear.

But the airport worker clears her throat, and you break the kiss, looking at each other longingly.

"Don't say goodbye", you beg Roger, putting your hand on his lips as he opens his mouth.

"See you soon", he says between your fingers. You smile at him, grateful he found a way with words so you're not repeating the same old goodbyes.

"See you soon, Roger", you say, hugging him again for a few seconds, just trying to capture every detail - his smell, the feeling of his arms around you, his body against yours.

And once he has to go into the jet, you go to the glass wall, and you can swear you see some familiar faces from the windows of the jet.

But before you can focus, soon Roger's well known face takes over the window you're watching, and he puts a hand on the glass.

You can't help but think about the last time you did that with him, him being on your place as you were inside the plane, moving to another country, your heart weighing down on you, filled with doubts.

But now your heart warmed you up, filled with joy and love, and you could feel Roger's crystal heart on top of your chest. He was right. There would be always a piece of him on you, too.

Epilogue: News of the World Launch Party

"Y/N! You're back!" Brian's voice welcomed you to the ballroom.

You squeezed Roger's hand - it was the first time you saw the band in years, and you couldn't help but feel a bit nervous about it.

"Darling, you're really back! We thought Roger was getting high too often and hallucinated a week in Paris with you. But I guess you did come back to him", Freddie said, hugging you by the side as he held a glass of champagne on his other hand.

"I'm back with him only so I can see you all again, of course", you said, winking at Roger as he pretended to be offended.

But then you heard Deacy and Veronica scream your name in unison, and you turned to see them.

"So you're really back!!" Deacy said, but your eyes were on the baby boy on his lap.

"This is the cutest thing I've ever seen in my life.", you said, trying to get his attention. Roger looked at you, adoringly, as you moved your eyes to Veronica.

"Ronnie!! You're so big!" you said, trying to hug her through her belly. "It's coming out in a few months! It's a boy, Michael. Someone our young Rob can play with", she said, and Roger frowned.

"I could swear it was a girl", he said, and John smiled. "Maybe next time", he said.

"Hey, Bob. Do you want to play with me? C'mon", you said, and he motioned to go to your arms. You picked him up as he started playing with your hair.

"You'd be a good mom, Y/N", Veronica said, and you got tense. "God, Ronnie, don't even joke about this", you said, and Roger chuckled. "It's a sensitive topic at the moment", he explained.

"The moment will take quite some time, you know", you told him, the youngest Deacon pulling your earring before playing with the crystal heart on your neck.

You talked to the boys and Veronica for a while, updating each other, but no one brought up how you and Roger got back together. It just felt natural - no need to question.

You stayed with Roger for the whole night - behind the cameras as he did press, by his side during dinner - where he was back at his old ways, teasing you lightly with his hand under the table. You felt good in his arms, getting back into his life.

He was interested in getting back into your life, too. He came back to London last night, and went straight to dinner with you. You were trying different food, and now was time to try Indian food.

As he ate his Chicken Tikka Masala, dipping the naan in the sauce, you invited him for a party your bosses would be throwing next month to celebrate a new exhibit.

He gave you a bright smile. "I'd love to be your date, my love", he said.

And after the Deacons went home - Robert was asleep on his father's lap - the party got louder, the dance floor more full. You could swear you saw an angular face that could only belong to Bowie pick someone to dance - was this Princess Leia? - but before you could process the whole situation, Roger pulled you to dance.

"Thought you didn't dance, Mr Taylor", you told him, wrapping your arms around his neck as you tried to slow dance to All The Young Dudes, by Mott The Hoople.

"I don't dance very well, indeed. But it's just an excuse to be so close to you in public, and God, I'm dying to call you Ms Taylor", he said, and you chuckled.

"Take it slower, Rog", you told him, and he leaned in to rest his head on the curve of your neck. "And why do you want to be close to me in public? Is it still one of your weird fetishes?", you joked, and you felt him laugh against your skin.

"No, it's just that you've been killing me with this dress of yours, and you've been killing a lot of the guys here, too. Could swear I saw Bowie checking you out", he told you, and you gasped.

"Taylor, don't even joke about this. I'd have a heart attack", you said, and he laughed. "You'd leave me here for Bowie, is that it?", he asked, and you laughed.

"Of course not. I just have a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that he might acknowledge my existence", you said, and it was his turn to laugh. "The only eyes I really like to feel on me when I look away are yours, Rog", you said, and he gave you a quick kiss.

"Okay, had enough of trying to dance. Let's get some fresh air", he told you, and you followed him to the balcony.

As the cold, fresh air brushed against your exposed skin, you heard the first notes to Tiny Dancer, by Elton John. You walked to the balcony, leaning in and taking in the view of London at night.

Roger soon took you into his arms, hugging you from behind, and you felt safe, his body heart making you warm in the cold evening as he jokingly whispered "Pretty eyed, pirate smile, you'll marry a music man" into your ear, and you scoffed. "Slower, Taylor", you told him, and he laughed.

"However you want it, babe", he said, now paying attention to the view, focusing on the feeling on you in his arms again. Finally.

But oh how it feels so real

Lying here with no one near

Only you and you can hear me

When I say softly, slowly

"I could die right now, Y/N. I'm just... happy. I've never felt this type of happiness before. I'm just exactly where I want to be", Roger said in his husky voice, and you nodded lightly in agreement.

Because in Roger's arms, you feel home. You feel what you hoped to feel for years - what got you to move to London in the first place. You feel like you belong.

---

1988 Special

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