#bi women are obsessed with saying liking men is oppression | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

trans-androgyne · 4 months

Note

About your post about trans men and male privilege-

I've kinda thought recently that some people's obsession with saying we have male privilege in all situations all the time no matter what, is just so they can justify/feel a little better when they're transadrophobic towards us, that way it's "punching up" instead of punching sideways or punching down. (I wanna mention here when I say "punching down" I'm not saying other trans people are punching down on us, I'm talking about the cis people (usually cis women, at least from what I've seen) who I've seen saying that we oppress them on the basis of gender. Just wanted to mention that to make sure I was clear!)

Like I don't think everyone, or even most people who engage in this conversation think that, obviously. It's just some of the people that get so insistent that we have male privilege all the time no matter what, the people that get very offended when it's suggested that maybe we don't truly get male privilege/how conditional it is when we do experience it in some circumstances. (I also just want to mention, I don't think even the people that are saying those things are intentionally trying to feel justified in the way they treat us, it 100% could just be subconscious, and at least in mind, probably is subconscious.)

Hopefully this makes sense and isn't just a jumble of words lol! Anyways, I do wanna say I could be wrong on this, so don't be afraid to critique this at all, I just thought it might be something worth sharing!

No, I think you’re completely right. I believe that’s the case for a lot of discussions of perceived privilege in the queer community — aspec people, bi people, & transmascs are painted as having some special form of privilege despite how conditional it all is. Yet there’s no reason to bring that kind of thing up out of nowhere unless it’s to justify being shitty to those groups, which seems to be the case. When you’re actually just discriminating against a marginalized group :/ It feels like a stupid game of hot potato — who gets to be the group of Privileged Barely-Queers We Can Shit On Next.

#transandrophobia #transphobia #biphobia #aphobia #acephobia #arophobia #intracommunity issues tag #ask

22 notes · View notes

nikadd · 5 months

Text

gonna complain abt biphobia for a second so if you think im automatically annoying bc of that it’s ok, just scroll past. idgaf

for the past few weeks on twitter and in the past on tiktok and im assuming here as well (im just not verging into those waters on here) i’ve seen a lot of weird and annoying things being said abt bisexuals and bi women in general and it feels like one of those things where somebody picks a specific type of a member in a community (here being “a white cis bi girl with a white cishet boyfriend”) as like the so called representative of the entire community and bc it’s like the supposed closest person to being the oppressor then all of the criticisms get to stick. it’s like when ppl add “white” in front of “woman” to make their criticisms not sound misogynistic.

like there are lots of things that are very much issues that bisexuals face in higher numbers than either gay or straight ppl do (such as ipv, for example), and nobody is talking abt it, but if we ever just express annoyances abt micro aggressions or negative stereotypes abt us (that feed into the material oppression we face! the stereotypes abt us being sex-obsessed and promiscuous freaks actually does lead to ppl thinking we can’t say no to sex and that we would cheat on them which leads to physical and emotional abuse!), then suddenly everybody is like “why are yall complaining abt it” “i wish i had your issues” “biphobia isn’t real, what you’re complaining abt is homophobia” “yall chose to date men” “who’s stopping yall from dating men” and it’s like…

we (cis bi women) understand that if we are dating men or somebody who is read as a man on the street then we benefit from being read as straight, but it’s weird when ppl keep talking abt “the real life” when we are talking abt how we are treated within the queer community or we want to address specific things. like many of us DO understand the sense of scale of things, we are not equating homophobic hate crimes to the micro aggressions, but if everything we say is conflated to just being micro aggressions we are blowing out of proportion, then it becomes difficult to address actually important things!

and i do think some of my fellow bisexuals have fallen into a weird pick-me-girl meme within the community, e.g. “i’m attracted to every woman ever and like 3 guys” which sounds like we are supposed to suppress our attraction to men to feel accepted in the queer community and act like it’s such a chore to be attracted to or be in a relationship w men. and im not even talking abt many of them coming to realize they are lesbians, which is good for them! but it just became one of those annoying things ppl just regurgitate and i don’t actually believe that it is an actual way many of them view their attraction, but they want the good queer points so they say it.

and i understand many lesbians’ frustrations w newly-out bi women expressing how they are intimidated by the idea of approaching a woman, but i think sometimes ppl are too quick to call it lesbophobia and that we think that lesbians are scary bc THEN apparently we aren’t living in “the real life” in our heteronormative world where we are taught how to be w men only? like i guess in this situation we don’t care abt what goes on outside of the community. and im glad many queer women are able to overcome it but we often forget how difficult it is to figure it out! and ppl online keep talking abt how weird and homophobic it is for bi women to say this when we should actually be scared of/intimidated by men bc they are more likely to abuse us… which is such a piss on the poor type of misreading of what we are saying. but also victim blaming once again.

like i’ve been out as bi for like 9 years now, had VERY strong feelings for multiple girls over this time (like i’ve had to tell some ppl im bi and not a lesbian), currently in my first ever relationship - and yes it’s with a man. and if i was some kind of famous person on the internet, people would be saying im settling, or im faking my queerness, or looking into my past relationships and seeing nothing there bc ive never dated anybody before. so what then? suddenly im not bi bc i’ve never gone out w a girl? like in my case i never even dated men before bc i rarely like somebody enough to want to go through w anything AND i need to know that they like me first as well so im actually always surprised to find out that ppl date ppl often but that’s neither here nor there.

like all those tweets abt billie eilish abt how she “chose to date an abuser before she ever dated a girl” or dove cameron “making a song abt being a better boyfriend to a girl and now dating yet another man” make me so upset like do they need to go out and date a girl for some kind of queer points for ppl to shut up abt it?

another thing i saw was like “a girl is gonna go to a queer bar or pride, dance and flirt with girls, and then go home to a boyfriend 💀” and it’s like okay so yall don’t want us bringing our boyfriends to queer events, that’s fine (not that my bf is straight and might also enjoy going to a queer event as he’s also queer but who cares abt that, right?) but then we also can’t go to a queer event by ourselves either? like not all queer events are singles-only events! and flirting doesn’t mean you’re being led on! sometimes ppl flirt just because! why does it mean that i need to stop going to queer events that i’ve been going to before dating my bf just bc im w a man now?

like ppl act like it’s not even worth to come out for a bi woman if she’s gonna date a guy / already is in a relationship w a guy. like maybe my identity existed before my relationship and might even exist after it? like im my own person or something?

like i’m so tired of ppl online being “heartbroken” over a hot woman (bonus points if she “looks” gay) being w a man - as if you ever had a chance w her if she was single! or acting like being w a bi woman means that she’s gonna leave you for a man! like it sounds weirdly incelish when i see other queer women online being like “oh ofc a girl i was dating left me for a man 🙄” and it’s like maybe she just started dating a man after you but you’re making it sound like she hated being with a woman and cheated on you with a man and you get to have this high horse about it. like im sure there have been instances where two women broke up and then one ended up w a man and even got married or something but i’ve seen too many ppl paint these situations like ultimate betrayals. like if she left you for another woman it would have been better?

like i know that there are some bi women who Have said/done things that led to these thoughts/complaints, but like the way we (queer women as a whole) have been engaging in these conversations has been very alienating. like there ARE things we need to address within our community (e.g., “everybody is a little bi”, “hearts not parts”, “don’t worry i’m bisexual” when dating trans ppl, etc) but i genuinely often feel more comfortable talking to other bisexuals abt it bc i think some things SHOULD be addressed within the bisexual community first bc it shouldn’t be on other ppl to address these things like we gotta clean our own house yk but it’s often difficult to do so on the internet bc anybody could chime in and divert the attention and take things out of context.

tldr i hate these conversations and all the jokes abt biphobia bc ppl think it makes them more progressive or feminist or whatever and seriously addressing these things suddenly makes me “one of those bisexuals” or whatever. like i know im saying all the stuff we’ve all already said in 2014 in all those “reblog if you believe that bi ppl are bi and not just half gay half straight” but i feel like ppl only agree w this in theory and not in practice and actively believe that every bi woman is a lesbian in denial or a straight woman w a fetish. and it’s fucking annoying.

and yeah it might sound like i’m a chronically online tumblr sjw abt it but the internet queer spaces are like a third space for many ppl and it’s disheartening to see these things and then feel like ppl are just keeping their mouths shut abt it offline but still believe and think this way.

…AND THATS ALL JUST ABT BI CIS WHITE WOMEN.

#it's valeriia talking #bi tag #long post for ts #would love to hear other bi ppl’s thoughts in the replies #decided not to let ppl reblog it bc im tired.

12 notes · View notes

radkindoffeminist · 2 years

Text

TRA logic makes a lot more sense when you realise that the reason they hate definitions of words is because they see every aspect of themselves as a quirky personality traits rather than a simple fact about themselves and how they exist in this world.

TRAs say that women = adult human females is wrong because it reduces us to our sex organs, but that only makes sense because they think being a woman is femininity and makeup and gossiping and every other misogynistic stereotype in the book. It’s a personality trait and they’re not women because they don’t relate to those traits so they must think we do the same: reduce women down to our definitions and see them as nothing more than that which, in this case, would be walking vaginas. Why do you think that they make comments about how trans women are ‘better women’ than us and focus so heavily on their femininity and them passing? Because they see womanhood as abiding by a set of rules and conforming to a certain look/style and not just existing as an adult human female and that’s exactly what a lot of trans women do and think about womanhood.

Then there’s being gay/bi which they so obviously see as a fun, quirky, and progressive trait. It’s not about the sexual attraction which you experience but simply which label and identity you relate most too which how we end up with straight people identifying as something else (normally bi/pan and then dating the opposite sex exclusively) because it’s fun and also why some women identify as lesbians despite not being exclusively attracted to other women (like ‘bi lesbians’ or ‘lesbians’ who still sleep with men but just don’t date them). So when people come along and say that lesbian means liking women only and bisexual means liking both sexes, they see that as an invalidation of their entire identity and and ignoring everything that ‘makes’ them bi/gay (ie: how they relate to bi/gay culture). It’s the same reason why they hate the ‘boring gay people’ who they call ‘basically straight’: they can’t accept or understand the idea that someone’s sexuality doesn’t determine their entire personality and likes and dislikes and that they can just be a normal person who happens to be gay.

To them, everything adds to their personality and nothing can just be a fact about their existence. They’re NB because they’re androgynous or don’t relate to womanhood (mostly not liking being oppressed). They’re women because they’re feminine or men because they’re masculine. They’re gay because they’re quirky and colourful and have always felt like their weird person or slightly outcast. And even neurodivergency is starting to see the same thing: people relating to ADHD stuff because they’re forgetful and have poor time management; people labelling every single normal human behaviour as being ND to explain why they do some stuff and think they’re quirky for it (where’s that post that’s like ‘other people don’t have songs replaying in their head all day on repeat’ and then someone’s like ‘actually yeah they do’?). Nothing about them can just be a thing; every label comes with a bunch of traits and every trait can be matched to a label.

So when we come along and say womanhood means being female, gay/lesbian means same sex attracted, and bi means attracted to both sexes then they see this as invalidating basically their whole personality. And they see it as us doing the same: because we don’t relate these groups to personality traits, we therefore see only these traits. A woman can’t be a whole person but a walking vagina. A gay person can’t be a whole person but someone who obsesses over others’ genitals. And that’s their homophobia and misogyny showing.

#my rants

71 notes · View notes

bi-women-confess · 1 year

Note

bi and straight women do not experience osa the same way. exclusive opposite sex attraction is encouraged, but non-exclusive attraction is a different story and gets you flack from both sides. depending on what spaces you're in this may result in a bi woman feeling ashamed of her osa, or it may result in a bi woman feeling ashamed of her ssa, but either way the issue is having trouble accepting being bi. it's not that difficult to understand. no one is saying het attraction makes you oppressed. but the whole rhetoric of bi women are all obsessed with d*ck, bi women lie about liking women because they just end up with men (as if there arent vastly more osa attracted men than ssa women? so that just makes sense), bi women know nothing about existing as a same sex attracted person etc can make bi women feel bad about the aspect of our sexuality that is more "normalized" societally. so yeah. if you haven't seen the demonization of bi women's osa you're lucky i guess because i very much have seen it and it made me be in denial about my osa for a long time. (i don't mean to add discourse though i understand if this isn't published)

💗💜💙

#anon #discourse is fine I just want people to add their discourse to reblogs

24 notes · View notes

hellomynameisbisexual · 2 years

Text

Even within the queer community, biphobia isn’t being taken seriously, explains author Lois Shearing on Bi Visibility Day.

Homophobic and transphobic comments have finally started to be taken seriously for the damage that they cause.

Many jokes that would have been considered mainstream only 10 years ago are now, rightly, considered unacceptable. This has lead to a lot of outrage-click headlines about “cancel culture”, but sometimes it’s just plain old consequences, such as the time Kevin Hart was forced to exit the Oscars after his old homophobic tweets were rediscovered

This is not to say that anti-gay sentiments – and anti-trans rhetoric, especially – are no longer issues in public life. Stories like Kevin Hart’s are still in the minority. JK Rowling’s ongoing, public spiral into Britain’s obsessive anti-trans rights movement has had little effect on her fame and fortune. But within progressive and queer circles, transphobia and homophobia are being called out and addressed, or at least discussed. So why is intolerance towards biphobia lagging behind?

Earlier this week, which happens to be Bi Awareness Week, Labour MP Rosie Duffield was asked about liking at tweet which criticised the “reclaiming” of the word queer and called trans people “heterosexuals cosplaying as the opposite sex” (an incident that prompted an ongoing Labour investigation). In response, Duffield claimed that “many of her gay friends” are offended by “men… who are married to women, who call themselves the ‘q’ word, and appropriate gay culture in a way that is deeply offensive to a lot in the gay rights movement”.

Comments like these invalidate the identity of bi/pan/queer men in different-gender relationships. But even within the queer community, biphobic jokes and remarks are still frequent and mostly pass without recourse. For example, comedian Rachel Mccartney has made openly biphobic comments on a number of occasions. This included once tweeting, in response to accusations that Jeffrey Epstein’s ex-girlfriend and alleged co-conspirator Ghislaine Maxwell abused underage girls: “Dating a 60-year-old man and raping 15-year-old girls is bi culture.” (For context, bi women face high rates of sexual violence than gay and straight women.)

Biphobia is rife

In 2017, Stonewall found that a third of teenagers “frequently” or “often” hear negative comments about bi people (biphobic language), for example, that bi people are “greedy” or “just going through a phase”. On top of this, a 2014 study examining online discussions about bisexuality in an LGBT+ environment discovered that 55 per cent of the comments contained some form (or evidence) of biphobia or monosexism.

Despite the prevalence of biphobia, it’s common to read or hear comments about bisexual people having privilege or not facing any real oppression. But this is provably false: it is well documented that bi people face higher rates of mental illness, due in part to biphobia and double discrimination. Bi+ men are less likely to get tested for HIV due to social stigma and biphobia within healthcare settings. Bi+ people are also more likely to suffer from addiction or abuse drugs and alcohol. Yet bi people are still seen as deserving targets of cruel jokes or comments. We are seen as being able to opt out of our oppression, or that we bring it on ourselves by being greedy.

Taking biphobia seriously would mean re-examining the ‘born this way’ argument.

Taking biphobia seriously would mean re-examining the “born this way” argument. As activist and lawyer Heron Greensmith wrote earlier this year: “The problem is that many LGBTQ2S+ activists invested far too much in an argument that is both false and a dead end: Queerness isn’t immutable for all of us. Queerness can be beautifully fluid.” It would also mean challenging the idea that being greedy or self-indulgent aren’t character flaws. Writer Maz Hedgehog points out how this overlaps with another type of prejudice that progressive spaces are yet to reckon with: fatphobia. She writes: “Fatness and bisexuality become spectres, signs of defect or incompleteness or immaturity to be feared and rejected. They become temporary categories which must be disciplined into maturity and coherence, lest the whole edifice falls apart.”

Biphobia need to be taken as seriously as any other kind of prejudice or discrimination. We know biphobia is real, we have decades worth of evidence of the harm that it causes. If we can’t tackle this within the queer community, how are we supposed to do so in mainstream society? The answer is not to try and convince people that biphobia is real, it is. It’s to start reacting to it in the same way we do with other types of bigotry: report it, call it out and make it clear that it’s unacceptable.

Lois Shearing is the author of the Bi the Way: The Bisexual Guide to Life and you can get it from bookshop.org and amazon.com.

25 notes · View notes

janersm · 1 year

Text

Every hashtag that an ableist, aphobic, biphobic TERF has made about me (so far) because she didn’t like that I said relationships involving bisexual people are inherently queer & told her not to call me bihet.

[Alt text for nine screenshots posted above:

#get a life you fucking loser #you're harassing me in my inbox like an insecure pathetic baby and self-victimizing yourself #and lying #who actually experiences oppression and vitriol is homosexuals #wah being told im privileged is oppression and hate #you're calling all gays hateful and evil saying they oppress you for being in het relationships Imao #you think sexuality is based on gender and not biological sex bc ur homophobic #once again by this logic straight men are gay if they date bi women and lesbians are het if they date bi women #stfu #stop erasing ppl bc you wanna be oppressed so bad #white woman cringe #gays have it easier because when they get hate crimed at least they know their entire sexual orientation #we're so lucky #for being validated before getting killed and beaten <3 #you can tell which bis have been w women be at least some of them will acknowledge the privilege they have when with men but still very few #and ive seen other bis dogpile them and accuse them of having internalized biphobia for saying they have privilege when dating and marrying #men #the white ppl of sexuality tbh

#can u imagine if you told a straight man he is feminine and in a feminine relationship or some shit for dating a woman #thats how crazy you sound #closest kinda of analogy i can think of at 4am #jfc #stop oppressing me for having a bf my relationship is gay so treat me like a gay person if you don't it's discrimination and erasure #but also according to her #heterosexual relationships are gay #braindead comment #i face the most homophobia bc i have a bf it's true #sorry gayz #???? #liberal brainrot #just switch words around and call it oppression #why are liberals all so narcisstic and toxic #they're so obsessed with telling minorities they are privileged and finding a way to say they aren't privileged be they think oppression is #fun and being privileged is boring #white as hell but acting like they're the biggest anti racists or anti oppression while they perpetuate it and deny their privileges and #intersections of their privileges #she's gonna say she's authority on racism now bc i can't say trans ideology and community is racist and white #w their own white supremacists

#and according to her the nasty gays (dirty perveted genital fetishists) and the monosexuals (straights) are harming the most oppressed and #neglected 'minorities' asexuals and bisexuals #imagine equating bisexual struggles to asexuals Imaooo #yikes #a self drag #don't erase yourself then complain :)) #stop saying hetero relationships are gay :)) #everytime a bi person says they're gay you're committing homophobia and erasure of two groups of people :)) #one of whom who faces real oppression for their sexuality #hint it's not the woman w the bf #she thinks she's authority on lesphobia/ homophobia then calls all gays biphobic privileged oppressors #even poc understand we have different struggles and privileges #it's so funny #how pathetic they are #so offended by having privilege #if you're gonna call yourself gay and your straight relationship gay #complaining about bihet is so hypocrital #i didn't even just say she's het Imao #i was gonna write up a post about this but it feels like a good place to discuss this #bi women just keep slapping us in the face acting like this and saying shit like this

#homegirl also said i ruined her sleep and made her take more meds #i didn't force you to stalk n harass me #i had this post so long i had to cut down so much of what i said #god she's annoying af #such a manipulative sad pathetic person obsessed with being a liberal victim #while she's literally mutals with TYGRESS #why can't they ever talk about how homophobic and misogynistic they are #i feel like for one thing #truly if bis stopped acting like women are just for fucking or not real partners / people for not being men then things would be different #i have a butch lesbian friend in kentucky #it's more unsafe to be a poc #anyway #bisexuals stop gasligting gay people challenge #she said she was going to bed and now she's watching her phone and refreshing my blog every second #YOU'RE CREEPY #looks like white men are rubbing off on you too much #your disability doesn't make you homophobic or a creepy stalker #that's 100% you #you're so creepy tbh #i dont think you know how blocking works #you literally brought it up as an abusive tactic to control a minority Imao when it isn't relevant

#to deflect from accountability and silence them #white behaviour #next you'll say being gay is an excuse to be racist #stfu #you're so obsessed with what ithink #it's really funny #you think lesbians can have dicks or like dick #you're pro conversion therapy #stay away from women but you probably will anyway thankfully #the fact you care so much what i think while speaking over me #if i acted like you a decade from now #at your age #yikesss #you're straight up stalking me and harassing me at this point Imao #<3 #you wanna play the liberal oppression card when you're a homophobic moron #i'm also a brown woman #so stfu #YOU STILL HAVE ME BLOCKED AND YOU'RE ENGAGING #HOW PATHETIC ARE YOU? #liberal cringe #gaslighting queen <3 #no patience #ur 95 percent and higher in het relationships exclusively #shut the fuck up #you don't know what vitrol or hate or oppression is #thats why you talk like this and act like #being hatecrimed makes you privileged <3 #i mean the gays practically do by denying my relationship isn't gay #so funny….they use the world queer

#by funny i mean sick #A SLUR AIMED AT HOMOSEXUALS FOR BEING GAY #WHO DIED OFTEN AFTER HEARING THAT WORD OR GETTING BEATEN TO NEAR DEATH #haha my relationship is queer <3 ur not even GAY ur bi and never date women or seriously #then you complain erasure #racist/homophobic/ misogynistic content my bi heart <3 #says people some get treated worse but then denies privilege #bc funny who is it they argue who always have privilege? FEMALES AND HOMOSEXUALS #NOT BISEXUALS AND MALES #B & T community are evil #males and osa are the most oppressed and females/ homosexuals are the most privileged <3 #what is gay privilege #you can't name one #bc it doesn't exist #if you deemed content biphobic you'd lose ur shit and never watch it tho #but heterophobic content doesn't exist :)) #and i'm every single terf when i'm not even a radfem #i think this drama is really funny tbh #you might as well be bc ur all cliche and homophobic #cry #if you cared about being productive you wouldn't be here

#it's so funny how your media consumption is literally all about misogynistic/ homophobic/racist white men #it's funny how cliche you are #you're so mad that i have a brain and you don't #keep crying <3 #talking about homophobic people and calling them out is doing something also tbh #you're such a hypocrite #you think you're fighting heterophobia #but you're just homophobic #spreading bs #you're really narcissistic and manipulative <3 #i'm glad you don't have a gf #you're homophobic and are obsessed with victimizing yourself #there is no such thing as discrimination for opposite sex attraction #it's a privilege #how aren't het women more offended that bi women act like they're suffering so much bc of het woman while y'all live the same lifestyles #for the rest of your lives... #oh right it's that homophobic pact. #they seem to have #remember when a bisexual woman married to a man said she was JEALOUS of gay men at pride #your pride is there everyday every second of your life and rewarded and centred #privileged #ifcc

#you're erasing gay people and being a hypocrite #and you're erasing straight people #so funny you're so pissed off youre called out on how stupid you are you're stalking my blog #if you were so confident you wouldn't take me seriously #you're in a privileged relationship #you have osa privilege #your relationship is straight even if you aren't #you're gonna call gays and straights bis #then don't whine when you feel erased #calling ur relationship het isn't even erasure #biphobia isn't real #you just think heterophobia is real and that gays oppress you #run to your boyfriend and cry how some actual gay person thinks you aren't oppressed #this is the straightest bio i've ever read #you can tell which bis have been w women bc at least some of them will acknowledge the privilege they have when with men but still very few #and ive seen other bis dogpile them and accuse them of having internalized biphobia for saying they have privilege when dating and marrying #men #the white ppl of sexuality tbh #can u imagine if you told a straight man he is feminine and in a feminine relationship or some shit for dating a woman

#thats how crazy you sound #closest kinda of analogy i can think of at 4am #jfc #stop oppressing me for having a bf my relationship is gay so treat me like a gay person if you don't it's discrimination and erasure #why are bihets like this... #holy shit #my straight relationship is gay/queer and if you don't agree you're heterophobic]

She has her friends monitoring my blog and encourages people in posts to bother me, but accuses me of stalking and harassing her when I haven’t said a damn thing to her in weeks. The only reason I even go to her blog is to make sure I have blocked every single person who she’s talking shit about me with & encouraging to come after me.

Also, who even is tygress? And how does she know who I’m mutuals with? My following list is private.

#desisapphic #the terfs are not alright #ableism #mental health stigma #biphobia #homophobia #aphobia #acephobia #queer #queer pride #lgbtq #bisexuality #bisexual #bi erasure #stigma

9 notes · View notes

antiterf · 2 years

Text

Okay so to make sure no ones surprised, here are some beliefs on discourse and morals.

I'm generally open to talking about them, but please do not fight me on the morals aspect. You can ask for more info but I may get meaner than I'd like if you fight me on morals, I hold them very close to me.

People generally want to do what's best for themselves and for others. Human beings inherently want to be good.

Every human life has value, one life lost is years of experience, knowledge, love, and care lost. It is never just a statistic, as only ten 60 year olds dead is 600 years love and experience of life lost.

Even with this belief I feel that if the rich don't do something about the enormous amount and wealth and power they hoard, their death is more valuable than their life like how a piñata is only beneficial when it's broke open.

Making fun of someone based on a minority status only hurts the entire group of oppressed people. Making fun of someone for their appearance will do harm to people who've done nothing to you.

Hating someone for something they have no choice in isn't going to help shit. So don't do it.

You cannot only fight for one minority because you'll end up ignoring the less privileged parts of your own minority.

No one owes you an explanation to anything, you don't owe an explanation to anyone. This doesn't mean that the person is simply obligated to believe what you say.

Your worth is not dependant on how much you're able to work and produce.

No one is worth any less for needing assistance, whether it's for an hour or for life.

Now to the not morality stuff

If the people in power are going for one minority, prepare to be next.

You can be trans without having gender dysphoria (I am dysphoric btw)

NPD and ASPD don't make people inherently abusive and to hate someone solely because they have those disorders is ableism.

Narc abuse is just emotional abuse with some specific aspects. Please stop calling every abuser a narcissist or armchair diagnosing your abuser.

Having a multisexual identity other than being bi isn't biphobic

The ace and aro spectrums exist and ace and aro people shouldn't even have to deal with the question that they belong in the LGBTQ+ community or not, they do.

Intersex people are a part of the LGBTQ+ community if they want to be.

Being a bi lesbian is valid

Having an identity that seems contradictory is valid

It/its pronouns are valid (I have had them used on me in a derogatory manner btw)

I am uncertain about transandrophobia or the other commom terms for it. I believe that afab trans people can and do experience oppression because of their agab and sex characteristics (otherwise abortion rights and healthcare wouldn't be an issue for us). But at the same time I feel like trying to make a term that centers around trans men will exclude nb people who experience the same. I have also seen many transandrophobia fighters be blatantly transmisogynistic and it doesn't sit right with me.

ACAB and BLM

Basically, I'm not against transandrophobia but I'm not for it either.

To say I don't get uncomfortable with the people who are heavily against it would be a lie though.

No person is illegal

Religion is important to many people and we can address the harm it does while still respecting the help it does as well.

I'm a psychology major but recognize that the field of psychology has a major role in determining what's "abnormal" for someone to be and is usually ableist.

Queer isn't a slur, but you should still respect people who don't want it used on them. I will use "the queer community" when talking about issues because I'm an LGBTQ studies minor and that's how we usually speak.

I believe that trans men and nb people can reclaim the T slur. Mostly because reclaiming it myself has helped a lot with my internalized transphobia.

TERFs hurt trans women the most out of anyone. I usually do not say things like that but trans women are usually their main obsession. This doesn't mean that other groups aren't hurt a lot.

If you're still in the Harry Potter fandom then you're not a trans ally. You really shouldn't be putting a book series over the millions of lives being fucked over by the writer.

You will become disabled eventually. If you're ableist then I mean this as a threat.

I'll add more as they come

21 notes · View notes

marcebubble · 2 years

Text

"the trend of bisexual women saying how much they fantasize and want to date women but unfortunately they are with a man fetishize homosexuality" I agree that this trend is kinda of annoying but this argument is fucking biphobic

first of all, you clearly don't know what "fetishization" is. you guys immediately jump to call bi women fetishist, an other way to say we are predatory and sex obsessed.

second, homosexuality? our same sex attraction is not homosexuality but an integral part of our bisexuality. we can't fetishized OUR attraction, it belongs to us. I'm so tired of people view us as half straight half gay, and everything we do with our same sex attraction is like something we have to ask permission to the real owners (gays and lesbians), something we are appropriating, or borrowing.

third, the only thing you care about is throwing shit on bi women. if you cared about anything else you would start analyzing WHY some bi women (mainly on TikTok) act like this. like the internalized biphobia and wanting to point out to other LGBT people how they are still queer / attracted to women, because when they date men you start treating them as if they have stopped being bi.

It is convenient to criticize bisexual women who behave like this without a bit of self-reflection. maybe if LGBT spaces weren't so hostile towards bi women, they wouldn't feel pressed to over-perform their attraction to women in order to be believed about their attraction and oppression.

#biphobia #bimisogyny #bisexual #bi women #my post

25 notes · View notes

reaperkaneki · 10 months

Note

How does it inform litteraly nothing that a queer person, and woman in a society that specifically oppress women, is fighting so adamantly against it? Like do you think the "my bloodline end with me" and "I want someone exterior as an heir" comment or just litteraly being against an eugenist sexist society is just here for the funsie?

And you're dismissing women queerness. Why LGBTQ+ representation seems only matter when it's men? It's obvious you and most other complaining wouldn't say the same if there was fewer bi women than men. And let's not mention the ratio of bi men/bi women is just 3/4 by Houses and 4/5 by Hopes, poor men who suffers from such a wide wide gap I guess.

what i mean by “edelgards queerness informs nothing about her” is that this is not a narrative about queerness. this is not a story where it is a focal point. there’s certainly misogyny, and reducing people to their genetics—but this is also a setting where women hold power? the diety they worship is a woman, the head of the church who arguably holds the most collective power across the continent (which edelgard rightfully disagrees with) is a woman. this is an intensely eugenicist society, and a misogynistic one sure, but this is also like. not amazing for anyone involved? (this is in fact the basis for sylvain’s entire fucking character. see: syl/mercie supports.)

if i’m dismissive of edelgard’s queerness it’s because she’s written as a very player-sexual sort of character. she’s canonically obsessed with byleth regardless of route and gender. in 3h proper all of her explicitly romantic paired endings (not counting subtext, which is heavy in the case of like, dorothea) are with men save for byleth. which is an issue i have with her writing and not her being a bisexual woman obviously.

also lmao as if intsys would ever put in more queer men than women, like this is a big-budget video game from devs whose previous bi options were yandere stalker lady and depraved bi killer. why would anyone give them the benefit of the doubt here. there’s more bi women in fe3h bc, like, girls kissing hot. hashtag gamers. it’s not about male rep being “what counts” or whatever. but again, of the three guys in 3h who are bi, two of them are dlc! (yes jeritza is free dlc but hes in one singular route, for only like half of it, and i think he’s fun but absolutely not good gay rep lmao)

#anyway im like semi coherent bc i wasnt expecting fucking Discourse over aFUCKING POPULARITY POLL

1 note · View note

judasvibe · 2 years

Text

the discourse about this is insane and ridiculous

no i don't believe 'biphobia' is any major issue worldwide, but at the same time it's kinda insane to pretend not to see it....

like of course if you put yourself in a lesbian's shoes it's easy to see how it's tiring, saddening, and repetitive how often bi women partner with men after your relationship ends.

but that is something you have to know going in is statistically highly probable if and when your relationship ends, and would still be so in a theoretically perfectly healthy relationship and in the absence of any 'intentional' 'wielding' of that access to hetero partnering..

like realistically. what does 'wielding that privilege' even mean in the context of a lesbian/bi woman relationship ? explicitly tell your partner you could have picked a man? intentionally flirt with men where she can see to neg her? cheating on your gf with some guy? and how often are those things actually what happened?

just because something (a bi woman dating a woman then a man) happens commonly doesn't mean there is an intention to harm behind it. so of course when your relationship ends and you're feeling all kinds of negative emotions about it, it's normal to have a darker view of things but.... it's not necessarily reality.

and im just saying but with how much everyone online is obsessed with calling anything and anyone a 'toxic person' or an 'abusive relationship' ... no i simply will not believe the idea that just dating different people in a row is actually a malicious act of premeditated harm. not everything that hurts falls into a neat oppression category, even when you are the underprivileged party.

0 notes

rantingcrocodile · 2 years

Note

isn’t it ironic that radblr debunk the “genital obsession” accusations tra used, then turn around and throw it back to bi women unprompted if they dare breathe in the monosphere

The best way to figure out if someone is a bigot is to see what they think about members of the oppressed group that they don't like. That shows what they really believe about that oppressed group and what they would say more often if they weren't self-policing for the benefit of their peers.

Considering how biphobia is treated as a joke in this space, bisexual women are the perfect litmus test to see just how misogynistic radblr really is.

Radblr: The first rule of misogyny is to blame women for the actions of men and should never be tolerated. Also radblr: Bisexuals, particularly bisexual women, are the reason that TRAs harass lesbians, feminism is ruined and the LGB is ruined.

Radblr: The patriarchy wants to pit women against women and that's always unacceptable. Also radblr: Bisexual women are the weak link in feminism. Febfems are the only good bisexual women and the rest are trash that prioritise men.

Radblr: Any misogyny or use of misogynistic slurs against any woman is an attack on all women. Also radblr: Bisexual women are whores and sluts.

Radblr: Virginity is a social construct. PIV sex does not fundamentally change a woman, and men treating it like it does is misogyny and a way for the patriarchy to control women. Also radblr: Bisexual women are disgusting because they're infected by penis. They're only worthy if they've never had sex with men, otherwise they're gross.

Radblr: Telling women that they're somehow destined to be with men is misogyny and supports the patriarchy. Also radblr: Bisexual women are destined to be with men.

Radblr: Feminists are not "obsessed with men" and it's misogynistic to say that. Also radblr: Bisexual feminists are obsessed with men.

Radblr: Any mention of sexual acts unprompted to women is sexual harassment. Also radblr: It's acceptable to send bisexual women anonymous messages that they're nothing but dick-suckers.

Radblr: Men are abusers and rapists, and it is never the fault of female victims. Victim-blaming is misogynistic. Also radblr: Bisexual women bring abuse and rape on themselves and have no one else to blame but themselves.

Radblr: Always believe women when they have the courage to share stories of rape and sexual harassment. Not believing the victims is rape culture. Also radblr: Bisexual women lie about rape and sexual harassment for attention and because they're manipulative.

Radblr: MRAs and TRAs constantly disbelieve science and studies into women's oppression because they're misogynists. Also radblr: Studies that show evidence of bisexual women's oppression are all lies.

Radblr: Women are people and do not exist to validate anyone else through relationships or sex. Also radblr: It's acceptable and understandable for lesbians to get angry at bisexual exes if their next partner happens to be a man because it makes them feel invalidated.

Just to name some examples.

Any "feminist" who has said anything like this about bisexual women isn't a feminist, but a misogynist and biphobe that hates women - but are just clever enough to vent their misogyny against bisexual women.

#crocodilian answers #You're right and you should say it!!

83 notes · View notes

crossdreamers · 3 years

Text

What the TV series “It’s a Sin” tells us about the tactics of anti-trans activists today

Over at Twitter Owen Jones reflects on the way the history of bigotry is repeating. The new British TV series It’s a Sin reminds him of how the tactics once used against gay and lesbian people is now used against trans and nonbinary folks.

Owen Peter Jones is a British newspaper columnist, commentator, journalist and political activist.

It's a Sin is a British television drama serial written and created by Russell T Davies. It is about the queer community in the 1980′s London.

Owen writes:

One of the most important themes in 'It's A Sin' was about gay/bi people and shame - caused by growing up in a society that saw gay/bi people as would-be sexual predators, violators of biological reality, threats to children, immoral, deviants, and generally undesirable.

While HIV rates remain significantly higher among gay and bisexual men, treatments now allow those with HIV to live healthy lives. Alcohol and drug abuse as a response to shame and trauma caused by homophobia is today a bigger problem in Western nations.

It's important to make this point because the evidence suggests that mental distress is even more acute amongst trans people, who are today the most marginalised and oppressed part of the LGBTQ+ world.

Anti-trans activists use the same arguments as the homophobes

Today, anti-trans activists play the exact same songs about trans people: that they are would-be sexual predators, violators of biological reality, threats to children, immoral, deviants, and generally undesirable.

Some of those anti-trans activists responded viscerally to being called out for enjoying It's A Sin. They are furious at being compared to the monsters who victimised gay people, even as they obsessively target trans people in the same papers that obsessively targeted gay people.

Some of them point to their past association with pro-gay struggles, or in some cases simply that they have been to gay bars before, as though any of this gives them a lifetime freedom pass to say whatever they like about other minorities.

But as It's A Sin shows, a society which made gay people feel unwelcome - as burdens at best and as menaces at worst - inflicts terrible damage on gay people. The same is being done to trans people.

However those who, in some cases, spend a genuinely huge amount of their lives talking about trans people as would-be predators or threats to children justify it to themselves, they are inflicting the same injuries on trans people as It's A Sin underlined is done to gay people.

The quadrupling of transphobic hate crimes, the 48% of trans people who fear using public toilets, the trans people discriminated against at work, the quarter who've suffered homelessness, all of this is erased from the "conversation", such as it is.

Even the focus on contexts which don't affect 99.9% of trans people - but which are used to attack all of them - namely prisons and sports deliberately excludes questions like 'Why are there no trans Olympic medallists?' or 'How do we stop trans prisoners being assaulted?'

Inflicting the same damage

The hounders of trans people may hate It's A Sin being used to hand them a mirror. But the anti-trans faction, who operate strikingly like a cult, are not only singing the same tunes - they are inflicting the exact same damage on trans people as gay people have long suffered.

oh and I've set this so only people who follow me can reply because, although anti-trans activists have made a conscious decision to relentlessly and obsessively target me, and I can live with that, I don't want trans people to have to sift through their bile.

“Gender critical” parents who are harming their kids

Some other thoughts.

One of the most powerful themes towards the end of It's A Sin is Ritchie's mother being confronted by Jill for the damage she inflicted on her gay son, suggesting that the shame she instilled in him helped drive behaviour that led to his infection with HIV.

"Actually it is your fault, Mrs Tozer," says Jill. "All of this is your fault." Jill adds: "The wards are full of men who think they deserve it."

She was right. So many of the gay and bisexual men who died often lonely deaths in hospital wards were traumatised by their parents.

Today, most gay people have gay friends who have mental trauma which often leads to alcohol and drug abuse with absolutely catastrophic consequences. Many, all too many, have had friends who've died from suicide. The culprits? Society in general but often parents in particular.

It's A Sin showcased the LGBTQ family, of other LGBTQ friends filling a vacuum left by the absence of a loving family. A big role of that 'family' is to pick up the pieces because of the damage inflicted by parents on their children.

When parents refuse to properly accept their LGBTQ children for who they are, they insert ticking time bombs in many of them. That bomb may detonate in their 20s, their 30s, their 40s, who knows, maybe in their 50s or 60s. But in many of them, it will detonate.

This is why there is a genuine horror watching self-described "gender critical" parents ranting about trans people on the internet. Because I can't help but think, oh god, what if they have trans children. What damage will be inflicted upon them.

In some cases, the bigotry of anti-trans activists - often radicalised by newspaper columnists, online rabbit holes, and somewhat perversely, Mumsnet - will collide with reality. Read this about an ex-'gender critical' activist and their trans nephew.

But in other cases, transphobic parents will stick determinedly to their guns and inflict the same damage on their trans children as homophobic parents have always inflicted on their gay children. We should be clear: homophobia and transphobia are forms of child abuse.

Hiding behind the argument of protecting their children

Both traditional homophobes and contemporary transphobes claimed they were protecting the welfare of children. As anti-gay campaigner Anita Bryant declared: "As a mother, I know that homosexuals cannot biologically reproduce children; therefore, they must recruit our children".

Today's anti-trans activists use the language of 'safeguarding' and often suggest that parents know what's best for their children. This is clearly not always the case. Lots of children need to be protected from their parents. That includes many LGBTQ children.

So when this Times journalist attacked Mermaids, a charity supporting young trans people, for including an 'exit button', suggesting it was 'a major safeguarding breach'. Many LGBTQ children don't have supportive parents and need to hide their identity away from them.

Anti-trans rhetoric echoes anti-gay arguments

Anti-gay rights campaigners long focused on the danger posed by predatory gay men to vulnerable children, and pointed to scandals in, for example, the Scouts and the Catholic Church as evidence. Today, anti-trans activists similarly extrapolate extreme cases to make their case.

In the 1980s, it was claimed an all-powerful gay lobby was putting political correctness ahead of people's well-being. The same language is used about the objectively marginalised trans minority today. The second screenshot is from this weekend's Times newspaper.

That's why so many gay people stand up for trans people. Trans people, of course, are in our shared LGBTQ spaces, and their experiences do differ in important ways - but we see them going through the exact same things we've gone through.

It is, frankly, grotesque that gay people who for very obvious reasons stand with their trans siblings are then vilified as misogynists, or have obvious homophobic tropes about wanting to endanger children's safety thrown at them.

It's also perverse that many of the same people publicly cooing over It's A Sin are the same people trying to hound the LGBTQ allies of trans people out of the media (they can't really do this to trans people because there are very few trans people in the media).

LGB people attacking trans people

As for the LGB people who participate in the hounding of trans people. There have long been examples of oppressed groups who participate in oppression, often against themselves: women against the Equal Rights Amendment and feminism, right-wing black Republicans, and so on.

These anti-trans LGB activists are not only completely unrepresentative of LGBTQ people: many queer bars and spaces bar people who express their bigoted opinions for very obvious reasons: to ensure they're safe spaces for the whole LGBTQ rainbow.

Watching straight people try and foment a civil war within the LGBTQ world by platforming these completely marginal bigoted zealots is actually completely and utterly grotesque.

Finally (!) in the 1980s, almost the whole media was anti-gay, and public opinion was overwhelmingly anti-gay. Today, almost the whole media is anti-trans, but while transphobia is rampant, anti-trans sentiment is not as widespread as anti-gay sentiment back then. There's hope!

But it takes huge courage to speak out in support of trans people in Britain in 2021. One day, there will be TV programmes about the onslaught against trans people. Those who victimised trans people today will be portrayed in them. They'll go down in history as hate figures.

Sadly, it's too late to save all too many LGBTQ people who had ticking time bombs inserted into them both by society and by their homophobic and transphobic parents. They detonated. But we can save others from that fate. So speak up.

Read the whole thread with other comments here!

Read also Michael Cashman: Loss and anger raged in me after watching It’s a Sin – the stigma we faced in the 1980s is now being directed at trans people

Photo of Owen Jones: Antonio Olmos/The Observer

youtube

#trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtqa #transphobia #homophobia #terf #terfs #gender critical #lgb alliance

251 notes · View notes

nona-gay-simus-main · 3 years

Text

7 Tropes That Make Me Uncomfy

Disclaimer: This is my personal opinion, calm down. Also, I'm white and do not speak for BIPOC communities

1. The Black Cop

Look, cops are racist af, we all know this. So what is this obsession with cops in media being Black? Is it to make them seem more palatable to liberal/leftist audiences? (That's rhetorical, we know it' is.)

Here's a wild idea: instead of making cops Black, stop writing stories about cops. Even if you want your protagonist or one of your main characters to be an investigator: private detectives exist. Defense lawyers, investigative journalists, there are literally so many options that don't have to include cops.

2. The Supernatural Police Procedural

This one I just don't understand. So you have zombies in your show, or the devil, or whatever, and you made it a police procedural? Really? There were no other, more interesting options out there?

I guess the supernatural element adds a bit of an original twist to the genre, but at the end of the day they're still cops investigating a murder. I think there might be more fun ways to use your supernatural characters than copaganda.

3. Rape as Karma

I think get the appeal of good, old schadenfreude. I too love when a bad guy gets a taste of their own medicine, it feels very satisfying & ironic. And irony is great!

But when it comes to rape, I just feel like it's one of those things that shouldn't really happen to anyone, even if they themselves are a rapist. It just feeds into the toxic mindset that some people are acceptable victims or that they 'deserved it' and I don't see how that's any better than what we have now.

4. The B word

No, I'm not talking about bitch - weirdly, that's one most media has no issue with. (I wonder why...) I mean 'bisexual'.

Why does media treat the word bisexual like it's a slur? I've seen shows that go to extreme lengths just to avoid mentioning it., "ex lesbian", "lower on the kinsey scale" and the always popular, "i like people, not gender." Oh my god, just say bisexual! Or pansexual! Or whatever you actually mean and stop this beating around the bush. Please, I beg of you! And ofc this isn't to say that some people don't use labels and that's also a valid experience, but why is it that the unlabeled characters are ALWAYS the ones attracted to multiple genders??

And stop treating bi characters as gay or straight based on the relationship they're currently in. Newsflash, but most bisexuals date men and women (and non-binary people) at different stages of their life and their sexuality doesn't actually change based on their partner's gender.

5. Queer In Name Only

You know that queer character, that's queer, but they also don't speak, act, think, dress, or even the same sense of humor as any real life queer person you know? Usually, it's a traditionally attractive, feminine, white cis woman - once in a while, the same, but a guy.

Now, obviously, there is no one way to be queer. That's not what I'm saying, nor am I advocating to bring back two-dimensional stereotypes. I'm just saying that it feels incredibly disingenuous that most of the 'representation' we have in mainstream media feels completely divorced from real-life queer culture.

6. Rampant Misogyny in Fantasy

This applies to any sort of bigotry, but misogyny is the most common one, because there is plenty of fantasy with no PoC or queer people, but there's almost no fantasy with no women.

And they are always there to be oppressed, be sexually harassed and assaulted (or at least attempted to be assaulted), and saved by the hero if they are lucky. Maybe there's one woman that has power, but she's usually evil or she dies. And if there is a stronger, warrior type woman, she has to be Not Like Other Girls and detest anything féminine from dresses to kindness.

I get that for most of human history women have had a pretty rough deal (and still do in most places) and I know that fantasy is often inspired by history, but it's still made up. You're allowed to create your own rules. So why do they always have to be sexist?

7. The Strong Female Character

I like a good, well-rounded female character, but what I'm talking about the Not Like Other GIrls, Strong Female Character who has to be stripped of any softness and compassion, and any femininity (besides maybe a surface level-one like love for dresses and nail-polish, if that) to be a true #GirlBoss.

Can we maybe stop doing that? Believe it or not, you can be 'emotional' and be a good leader. You can have healthy relationships with other women (platonic or sexual). You can even be a smart and dedicated person rather than a fighter.

I'm just tired that every female character has to fit this 90s femininism mold now. Where are the complex, broken women? The ugly women? The women who use compassion, intution, and vulnerability as their strongest qualities, rather than just a literal weapons? God, just give me more than this please.

#tropes #worst tropes #writeblr #writing community #mine #bisexual #bi rep #queer rep #lgbtq #lgbtq representation #bipoc rep #copaganda #misogyny #female representation

31 notes · View notes

menalez · 2 years

Note

Okay sorrh this is long I got a couple of receipts from sapphicdesi and don’t wanna send screenshots since I have social anxiety but the post genderistseku used was a bad one to call out sapphicdesi, but it doesn’t discredit all the hostile things she’s said about bisexual women

it’s nothing new, they all deeply hate lesbians. they refuse to admit they are homophobic oppressors and how homophobia and problemtic the bi community is. she has me blocked and so do many other of her deranged friends who have some osa victim complex / oppression fetish. they really act and speak like no other women experience misogyny.

(Bi women really aren’t it from an anon) they really aren’t. they’re the worst. rabid homophobic misogynistic narcs. who apparently spew the most racism here too. i’m gonna post all the asks / discussions i never did, they can keep harassing me. a bi tra or bi woman from radblr sent me such a racist yesterday i’m a post it when i wake up

(In response to an anon) but isn’t funny i’m called crazy and hateful for saying they aren’t oppressed nor victims for being into dick and men? im insane and evil for saying heterophobia isn’t real? and for being upset at how lesphobic and abusive they are? most bi women think lesbians need to be converted and raped by males. they are so deeply deeply narcissistic and fake feminists.

(In response to an anon talking about how they prefer straight normal friends above gender “queer” people) it’s also so fucked up because a lot of the gendies are actually heteros/bis. but you know bisexuals have always been homophobic and annoying. Even having no males and dick or threesomes w ur ugly bf in my bio im a lesbian, rejecting tras/tw got me banned on tinder bc of bis/trans/gendies. Always triggered white people.

(In response to an anon talking about a post where bi women claimed to like penis over vagina) oh my god ew no I never saw that can you link me? but that doesn’t surprise me at all, bi women don’t love women or respect women at all, only dick and treat lesbians like walking sex toys. they want us to be raped and used by dick so bad and then for themselves. straight women are more tolerable at this point, at least they aren’t pretending to like women. and it’s funny bi radfems think they’re any better or less homophobic. I’m so fucking sick of the homophobia everywhere, bisexual women hate lesbians/women so so fucking deeply I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with them, they’re fucking homophobic dick obsessed demons. of course lesbians to them are just their to lick their pussy and cuddle them, just for their boredom but real relationships and real sex? gotta be men and dick! and then they spew vile shit about lesbians all day long and how they love women more than us and are so gay. I hate them the same as trans males at this point. misogynistic homophobic demons who talk about dick like it’s water they’d die without. also if you’re an offended bi who’s gonna send me hate asks after this don’t bother just unfollow me and blog about how much you hate lesbians and how we oppress you for your love of men and dick.

bi women are fucking demons who don’t love women and hate women. especially lesbians who actually love women and only women. lmao apparently we’re not really lesbians if we don’t like straight men in dresses who fetishize us but they are lmao, like look at how they start listing their bs gender labels to showcase how they’re better for wanting to fuck everyone aka men w stupid labels. “all women” lmao het men in dresses ain’t women, trans “women” are evil lesbian fetishists and neither of you love women you’re homophobic creeps.

I just looked up bi on her account, there’s a lot lot more but I just used these since I don’t want this to be super long.

She doesn’t site things for most of(couldn’t find sources on her blog for any of these claims) this stuff and mainly uses her own experiences and others around her. I don’t doubt her experiences or her life exposure to hateful bisexuals but imo it doesn’t justify how hostile and hateful she’s being in return to bisexual. Im gonna cut it here since this s already long and I really already feel anxious about this

Sorry again for this

i agree genderistdeku should’ve used a different post if she wanted to illustrate a point and that her post choice was a bad one. to me it just came across as almost laughing at a lesbian for being abused by a bi woman. i understand that someone facing abuse at the hands of any type of minority doesn’t justify hating said minority, and i wholeheartedly agree there, but it just came across as malicious and like she’s laughing at sapphicdesi for what she experienced. i assume that wasn’t her goal or her intention, but that’s how it came across. based on the quotes you provided (i did not check to see their accuracy), there were clearly far better posts to choose from if her argument was that sapphicdesi is prejudiced against bi ppl.

for the first post you quoted, i agree the bi community is unfortunately deeply homophobic today. but i disagree bi ppl necessarily have an oppression fetish, many definitely are quite privileged and sheltered but many do in fact face a lot of shit for being bi. 2nd post, i think she has every right to criticise racism & homophobia, at the same time i think especially as woc & lesbians, we have to be very mindful about what we say and how we say it. i don’t think she genuinely hates bi women and i think she is simply hurt & traumatised, and to me it comes off like she’s very frustrated with the homophobia & other prejudices she sees spewed by many bi people. + im sure she’s very wary bc of what she experienced, and i can somewhat understand as i also faced abused at the hands of my ex who happens to be bi. but people don’t always know ur intentions from what u write on here and ppl often divorce your words from the context you wrote them in as well. for this reason i think we should be careful, and esp as woc we don’t get cut the same slack that others are.

for the rest, i get the vibe that she’s very frustrated by the homophobia she’s seen expressed on here and seemingly feels very betrayed by bi women. i don’t blame her bc i know many lesbians feel this way, and sometimes i feel frustrated and exhausted from the stuff i see on here too. or the homophobia i see irl. when it’s stuff online, sometimes i just log off and talk to someone who i can trust and know can understand me & where im coming from. i havent really properly talked about this before, but my previous relationship was with a bi woman (so was my relationship before that but that’s another story). and the entire time in our relationship, she’d tell me that one day she’ll leave me for a man. like she just… would straight up tell me that unprompted. she’d often ask me how id feel if she suddenly realised she was straight. and id usually say nothing or just say idk and she’d just keep pressing & asking until i eventually breakdown into tears. constantly telling me she wants a relationship thats “normal”, that her family will accept, that she wants to have a kid within the next year, that if she finds a man she likes she’ll leave me for him. another time some guy was hitting on one of us at a gay bar and she just… turns to me and makes out with me and then turns back to him, and gives him a look. idk why she did that or what her goal was but it made me deeply uncomfortable. but i said nothing bc i was scared of her and scared of losing her too. and on top of that she would physically, verbally, and most of all emotionally abuse me. this is stuff i kept to myself most of the time but at times people in my life would see how she was and beg me to leave her (and i refused and told them they simply didn’t understand). so speaking on a personal level, i get it. but i just tell myself that i don’t want to be anything like her, i don’t want to let how hateful she is change me. i make the conscious choice to be mindful and tell myself there’s many bi women (& men, tho idk many) out there who are completely decent and normal. who support gay people fully and truly. normal bi people. and im lucky to know a few, like my best friend who when she slept w a trans woman told me she thinks i won’t like it bc it’s like being w a man, or my bi cousin who’s 7 years younger than me yet came out at a younger age than me (she was 11 i think). they definitely exist and they are what prove me to everyday that shitty people are shitty independent of their sexuality. sorry for ranting but, yeah. i wish sapphicdesi well bc i can tell she’s hurting and i can empathise with what she’s going through. she and i talked about that before i believe and i know it’s really painful when someone you loved and trusted takes advantage of you and hurts you the way her ex hurt her. it also can really hurt when the women you expect to understand & support you most, are ones you see spewing homophobic rhetoric. i hope she heals from that. but ultimately people take our words at face value and won’t see that when she says “i hate bi women”, she doesn’t literally mean “i hate all bi women”. they’ll just take it literally without knowing where she’s coming from.

#i was gonna say it’s diff from saying i hate straight women but actually it isnt that different bc if u say that on radblr they’ll just take #it as u saying u hate women or smth. ppl on here rly only get it if u say i hate men. not even if u say i hate white ppl or anything else #anything else will have ppl assuming the worst even if what u mean is ‘im sick of dealing with homophobia from x group of ppl’#and also since bi women r a minority n marginalised it comes off differently #also sorry for taking a long time to reply i only finally got time now #anonymous

10 notes · View notes

anti-porn-unicorn · 3 years

Text

I’m a girl (18 now) who got exposed/addicted to pornography at a really young age, and I wanted to share my specific story on this blog so that the platform can get it out there.

Under the cut is my full story, and it’s a little long winded, so if you don’t want to read the whole thing, I bolded in purple the general topic/idea of that section. Just look for whichever of those interests you and the section will be about that. The first and last paragraph are good for context and end goal, though.

Thank you.

I don't fully remember my first exposure to porn. I know I was in third grade (6-7 yrs old, I had skipped a grade). The reason I had wanted to share my story, in fact, is because I don't see many stories with circumstances similar to mine. Most I see have at least one of the following 'modifiers', for want of a better word. Most I see have at least one of the following 'modifiers', for want of a better word. Most I see have at least one of the following 'modifiers', for want of a better word. 1. The person is a victim of CSA/grooming. 2. The person was at a generally pubescent age (~11-14). And/or 3. The person experienced porn as a quick disturbance. To be clear, these stories are as valid and important as mine, and I simply think more perspectives make evidence of the effects of porn more airtight. I've never been the victim of SA, harassment, or grooming, ever in my life. My story shows the effects of exclusively porn.

The first memory I can recall about this was actually the first time I got caught. I was 6 yrs old, and very into video games,so on this day, I was playing a 3D porn game on my crappy hand-me-down laptop. I kind of knew that what I was doing wasn't acceptable, so I was sitting in my room in the corner as far from my door as possible. My mom walked in so I just slammed the laptop shut because I wasn't that good at hiding things. My mom obviously asked what I was doing, and I tried to keep her from looking, but it was right there when she reopened it. This is where the battle of it begins.

From ages 6-14 I don't have a good timeline of events but a few pop out that exemplify the severity of the issue. These are very probably out of order.

I got an iPod Touch for Christmas (~6-7), and every night I would watch porn on it until they caught on. I literally still remember some names of the sites, most that don't even exist anymore. My parents have always been amazingly caring. I couldn't ask for more. During the earlier ages (~6-8) I was put with a child therapist for fear of a deeper issue. My parents started either taking technology away in the night and/or setting restrictions on the internet. Unfortunately, between my slight tech-savvy, and my crazed addiction at this point, this wasn't a solution.

The addiction got DEEP. It warped my brain. When I had no technology, I used everything I could find.

Whenever I had access to less restricted internet, I used it. Once I asked my older cousin to use her iPod and watched it on there.(she noticed and told my mom. I remember my mom had asked me "Is there anything you need to tell me?", and I knew what she meant, but I just said "nope!" and walked away. At one point my dad's work provided him with a Blackberry, and I asked him could I play one of the built in little games. Once I had it, I watched porn. (when I gave it back to him he pressed the "back" button, and I was caught.)

I used Youtube. This was when YouTube was way less moderated (back when the app was a little old timey TV). I learned I could look up "striptease" and "nip-slip" and other stuff like that, finding more soft-core videos that could suffice when the internet in general was locked down.

I straight-up found out ways to disable the restrictions. Once I found out my mom's PIN for the controls, I went and disabled them, but changed the PIN so it would look like they were still on, and so that she couldn’t access and re-enable them. (I made it 7399. Spells "sexy". My mind was a mess.)

My parents bought a book called "The Classical Tradition". I'm just learning now as I'm looking it up that it was a Harvard Reference Library book (probably why it was so damn thick) about ancient Greek and Roman culture. I didn't know that. I had realized that sprinkled throughout the book there were pages that were more glossy than the rest, which you could see from the sides of the pages (the book was HUGE). These were the photo paper, which had the classical paintings and sculptures. And because these had nudity (Think "The Birth of Venus" type) I would regularly flip through this book when I needed a "fix". Absurd.

My parents got me an American Girl book that was made to ease worries about the developmental years. The pages on breast development / the anatomy of the vagina were what I looked at the most. When my parents had gotten me the child therapist, there was the logical fear that I might have been molested. The therapist gave me a book where there was a page with two cartoon mice, a boy and a girl. They were wearing swimwear/underwear and the point of that was "anywhere the clothing is covering is somewhere that adults can't touch you without telling.” They might as well have been stick figures, there was NO detail. But since they were in ‘underwear’ I'd always look at that page a lot. Anything barely vaguely sexual.

During this part of my life, I got no real pleasure out of this, I was just obsessed. For the first year I even watched it on mute out of fear of being caught. The lowest point during this period was when I very unfortunately filmed a video of me touching myself. I got nothing out of it and had no intent on ever sending or posting it. I was just emulating what I had been seeing. I deleted it the next day. I was 9 then.

From puberty until now (11-18) is when my sexuality was shaped by it. The addiction was far more controllable, I could spend a couple weeks to a couple months without it, but I'd always come back. Because it was now tied to my body. And while my need for it to be constant was gone, now I had to deal with the tolerance issue.

Over time what I watched became more and more depraved. I had the personal preference of hating anything amateur, because of the low quality, so I managed to avoid anything obviously non-consensual or involving visibly underaged girls, but that doesn't really mean much with the stuff the studios were putting out. During the middle points it got REALLY violent and disturbing. Bordering on torture (extreme kink) and even bodily deformation. As a young woman, I couldn't really tolerate any of the role based Kinks (father-daughter, babysitter, schoolgirl), so more extreme for me meant more extreme acts. Just absolute destruction of women's bodies for the purposes of sex. I moved away from that when tumblr banned porn and I started using reddit for it, and also during that time I was realizing how fucked up of an addiction that this was, even before I found feminism/anti-porn. I actively started trying to quit it, for good. But I always went back.

One big effect is heavy confusion with my sexual orientation. A lot of people face this, but the addition of porn for me really throws things off. Like: Am I bi, and a form of comphet/denial/inexperience keeps me from seeing women in a romantic way? Is it a mix of that and porn? (relatively likely) Or am I just straight, and the porn has completley shaped my mind (likely). 90% of the time I watched solo female content or lesbian content, and could only stand to watch certain specific forms if it included men at all. In real life I find a fair amount of men attractive but their bodies in a sexual sense are tolerable at best, but usually cringe inducing. l've never been attracted to a woman romantically, but exclusively women's bodies are sexual to me. It feels like everything in my brain that I would have been able to use in order to figure myself out has been permanently overwritten with incorrect information. Because of porn.

I've still got it bad. Every once in a while, I’ll read something vaguely sexual, or see a woman in a risque photo, and then the seed is planted. I'll always say "I'm not going to do it, I always feel disgusting after, it’s not even really enjoyable at this point, I can do better than this”. I always give in the end of the night. I'm 7 days off of it. I've been on this earth for 18 years. 12 of those years I've been cripplingly addicted to pornography. Two thirds of my life, and for as long as I can remember. I can never undo it. Just like an alcoholic will always be an alcoholic, only able to achieve remission, I will always be a porn addict. I have to be careful. But I have to hope for the future. And with finding the community that is speaking the truth about this, I'm heartened to do better. To no longer be held down by an addiction to consuming my own oppression.

#thank you for sharing #you’re not alone in this #I’m glad you escaped the addiction!#submission

40 notes · View notes