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#brains are interesting

autisticlee · 2 months

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sometimes I have autistic realizations that hit really hard.

I'm listening to a podcast (science vs) episode about meditation and what it does/how you do it/if it works. first there was an example of a meditation for mindfulness and focusing on breathing and how it feels. I was thinking how that seems pointless because i'm always aware of how it feels to breathe: my chronically stuffy nose, asthma, ribcage/back hurting if I breathe too deep/etc. but I already knew I have to think about breathing more than most people or I might accidentally hold my breath, and my chronic stuffy nose is very annoying to deal with.

then this part i'm at now talks about how most people go through taking a shower without really realizing they're doing it, like they arent feeling the shower sensations and just go through the motions. so mindful showering is feeling the water on your skin, feeling the temperature of the water and how it changes, etc. "being present, knowing what it feels like, knowing you are there and alive and having that experience..." and that's what mindfulness is.

the thing about me, due to being autistic, i'm basically practicing mindfulness 24/7 against my will. my sensory units in my brain are on constant overdrive and I cannot turn them off. i'm aware of every sensation and feeling and sound and etc at all times and can't ignore them.

the big realization this gave me is that...I'm profoundly aware of being alive and present. i'm overly aware of what i'm experiencing at all times. while most people can use mindfulness to ground themselves from overwhelm and anxiety caused by every day life worries, I GET anxiety and overwhelm from mindfulness-like experiences.

how do i tune things out and turn off my brain? I need an anti-mindfulness method that isn't dissociating out of my mind 😅

#autism #autistic #actually autistic #mindfulness #any other autistic people feel this way ir have this experience?#I feel like mindfulness could help the autistic people with low sensory feeling and need more stimulation #but for the ones who are always overstimulated and have high sensory experiences its so pointless #ive had it suggested to me so much and it always sounds so absurd to focus deeply on things i cant ignore......#its exhausting to be unable to ignore them so making me focus more on them would possibly throw me into a panic attack?#brains are interesting #i dissociate a lot and its always the first thing people suggest. but i think one reason i dissociate is #my constant unintentional mindfulness i naturally do that i cant shut off 😅#sometimes the way to turn it off is to dissociate to hell and back lmao

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lilislegacy · 2 months

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frank: let me get this straight. thalia and jason’s domain is the sky, percy’s domain is water, and hazel and nico’s domain is basically the underground?

annabeth: yes

frank: but… can’t percy also create storms? that have clouds and lightning and thunder?

annabeth: yes

frank: and… and can’t percy also create earthquakes and make volcanoes erupt?

annabeth: yes

frank: so… in a way, doesn’t that mean everywhere is percy’s domain?

annabeth: yes.

annabeth: but don’t tell him. he hasn’t had that realization yet

#and it will be a bad day for his enemies when he finally does #percy is also the only one with healing/regeneration abilities #there is a reason many people say poseidon is more powerful than zeus #zeus is lucky poseidon has no interest in being king #percy be scary #but doesn’t realize it #percy jackson #heroes of olympus #percabeth #percy jackson and the olympians #pjo #annabeth chase #lol #jason grace #frank zhang #nico di angelo #dark!percy #seaweed brain

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glorious-spoon · 8 months

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i'm very picky about tv shows, but my pickiness has only an incidental relationship to whether or not a show is "good". it needs to scratch a particular itch in my brain at the right moment. do i know what the right moment is? no. do i know what the itch is? also no. i can be relied upon to get instantly bored of 85% of tv shows and then turn the remaining 15% into a central facet of my personality for 3-5 business months and even i am incapable of predicting which one it'll be ahead of time.

#least favorite genre of people are the ones who are like 'but how do you reconcile enjoying this thing with the fact that it's not good 🤨'#and like idk man aside from the fact that 'good' is not an immutable and universally agreed-upon descriptor #sometimes shit just makes my brain go brrr and i'm not interested in deconstructing it any further

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hexjulia · 10 months

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"I am going to put a stop to your fornication with the sea. She belongs to me."

-- Spartan general Callicratidas to general Conon of Athens for various reasons but none that justify this phrasing.

#xenophon hellenica is an experience #why does he sound like how those booktok wattpad brained teens imagine their immensely sexually frustrated fictional love interests speakin #stop being weird about the sea Callicratidas! you can't fuck the sea!

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saturdaysky · 2 months

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we'll be alright, love. we'll make it through, you'll see.

just a doodle of my gnome tav, mayhew, and gale sometime in the long, dark night of the soul that is act 2

line version:

used a photo ref for the general pose. refs are amazing ✌

#lest you think wizards have left my brain THEY HAVE NOT #i just completed the game - sans some epilogue stuff - and i loved it. catered to me and my angst-loving ways #god gale...perfection. he's so interesting. i want to shove him in a locker but he might be my fav gale #expect art #and maybe fic #my art #bg3 #gale dekarios #gale of waterdeep #gale x tav #gnome tav #gnomeposting #mayhew #galehew

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loriache · 22 days

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"I've been waiting for ages for somebody to unmask them."

This moment tends to elicit negative reactions in a first read through, and I've got some opinions about why where Kabru is coming from here actually makes a lot of logical sense. So I thought I'd elaborate on that.

I think people hear this and go, "He thinks they must be hiding something because they gave money to someone? What a cynic." Or "he dislikes them because they did charity?? What's wrong with this guy!". And obviously, a lot, a lot is wrong with him. But I think this makes more sense than it seems at first glance! What people evaluating this judgement miss is why Kabru is paying attention to Laios and co to begin with.

Kabru knows of the Touden siblings because (he's a little bit of a stalker-) he is keeping an eye on all the relevant parties in events developing on the island, in order to be able to guide them to his preferred outcome. This includes adventurers because they are the ones actually exploring the dungeon! He's well aware that something as minor as internal tensions between party members could be key to the historical events that are developing. (He would love the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand.)

His desired outcome is that whatever the rewards are of breaking the dungeon's curse, whether that's kingship or the ancient elven secrets of dungeons, are claimed by:

A) a short lived person

B) Someone who will be a good, effective leader and/or use those secrets and the power they carry wisely, with foresight, and to establish a political bloc for short lived people.

The person he can best trust to do this is, of course, himself. But due to his PTSD regarding dungeons and monsters, he's not able to develop the necessary skills to conquer the dungeon. Once he realises this, he starts looking for someone else who he can support to that end.

But most of the adventurers don't have any intentions of conquering the dungeon, don't have the skills, or are unsuitable in other ways. In fact, it seems like some potentially suitable people are the Toudens. There are a lot of good rumours about them going around - they actually seem to have a very positive reputation! That's what Kabru means when he says "unmask".

So when Kabru is observing something like them giving money to an old comrade from their gold-peeling days, he doesn't consider it a problem because "they're giving money to this person who doesn't actually need it" or because they must have some dark secret if they act superficially nice. I think he actually understands this situation and what it implies about Laios (in particular) perfectly well.

Laios and Falin gave money to an old comrade who got injured and couldn't work. That person then healed up but kept taking their money. Then he used the money to start smuggling illicit goods to the island.

The key is that for Kabru, the problem here is the same as with the corpse retrievers - people using the dungeon's resources to fuel dangerous, selfish, or violent pursuits cause problems for the island, attract more criminals and people with motives other than breaking the curse, and increase the chances of the whole situation ending in tragedy.

Kabru is willing to work with the Shadow Lord of the island if it gets him to his goal - he isn't scrupulous - but the criminal element of the island increasing is something he sees as a major issue.

Also, when you're evaluating someone as a candidate for power, riches, secrets, potentially kingship - then being curious about how the money you give to people is going to be used is kind of a relevant trait!

Interpersonally, Kabru's actually very easygoing - I mean, Mickbell isn't exactly an upstanding guy, is he! But Kabru likes him and they get along well. These traits wouldn't be a problem at all in a friend, or a comrade, or someone Kabru was confident he could use. But he can't get a handle on Laios, and Laios is someone who has the potential to be a major player!

On Laios' end, this is the same as with the marriage seeker who joined their party. She kept asking for things and he gave them to her, because he tries to be nice to others. He even gives her money! It's the exact same thing.

That's fine, but it became a problem because he basically wasn't interested in her motives, didn't notice she was trying to manipulate him, and it also didn't occur to him that the other party members would notice or be affected. We can assume the situation with the gold peeler is the same. When Kabru says that "It's not that they're bad people, they just aren't interested in humans," he isn't wrong.

The extent to which this is true of Laios is linked to his autism imo, (because it isn't just disinterest - he genuinely isn't able to notice nonverbal cues that people are lying to him or have ulterior motives) but to a greater or lesser extent I think it's a very common trait. Most people aren't actually that interested in other people who aren't close to them. Kabru is the weird one here. It isn't an issue except as a leader - which is why we see an immediate comparison to the Island's Lord, because that's how Kabru is evaluating them.

And disinterest in/lack of ability with people to the extent Laios exhibits it, it does, actually, make him a worse leader... it's just that as we see in the story, people can help him out. The rest of the party tell him the marriage seeker is taking advantage of him so he tells her he can't give her special treatment anymore. They're pissed and it's a crisis point - he couldn't have recovered their trust without Marcille and Falin - but that's exactly the point. With Marcille and Falin, he was able to recover their trust.

And he has other good traits that make up for it, such as his intelligence, strategic knowledge, open-mindedness and sense of fairplay.

Kabru doesn't disqualify Laios as a candidate based on what he sees about him from afar, though - he still tries very hard to get close to him, obviously hoping that if he manages he can steer Laios to defeat the dungeon and make up for his lack of people-skills in the aftermath. (Which... he does eventually achieve that goal!) He completely fails until the events of the story, so... definitely I think "They just aren't interested in humans" could also partially be a stung reaction to Laios' complete disinterest in him.

Anyway, that's my read on what exactly Kabru's "issue" with Laios is. Obviously, once he does find out what Laios' true nature is like - about his love for monsters - he develops an entirely new set of fears about Laios' priorities. But since Laios kept that a secret until the start of the story, he has no idea of that yet.

Given all that, I think it's interesting that he says that he doesn't think that the Toudens are suitable to defeat the dungeon, and that he's hoping they'll turn out to be the thieves. As some of his few potential candidates, people who he thinks may play a big role in the island's future, you'd think he'd hope they would be good people!

I suppose it's better, in his eyes, because it means that he's involved in something "interesting". They haven't just had their stuff stolen by regular criminals (boring, puts them further away from his goal) - they've been caught up in the beginning stages of "a historic event". The desperate and dwindling group forgetting morals in their quest to retrieve their lost comrade probably appeals to his sense of melodrama. Because he also just... loves drama.

Despite it being "uglier than anything he was expecting", he still pursues Laios as the person he wants to conquer the dungeon pretty much as soon as it becomes clear that he won't be able to do it himself and they are out of time. That's because... well, to be fair, there aren't any other options. And he fits standard A: he's short-lived!

and Kabru still hopes he can fit standard B, too, and be persuaded to use the power he wins for good. No matter how many nightmares he has about Laios, or whether he thinks about killing him. He doubts him, but ultimately he puts his faith in him and seems happy after the manga's ending that he made the right decision.