#but my other big stressor is that what if he says yes but just feels like he has to | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

jahayla-parker · 1 year

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freddy carter x wife!reader

okay so what if y/n just feels extreamly safe around freddy and he does these little thangs to make sure shes safe. like walking on the side of the road so shes not next to the cars, or pulling her behind him slightly when he sees someone of something and doesnt want to risk it

Ahhh yes I needed fluff to work on and add in my baby boy Freddy and I’m a super happy writer 💜

Safe In His Arms : Freddy Carter x Reader

Description: 2.7k wc, Freddy’s wife y/n loves the seemingly small ways her husband makes her feel safe, and the way she wants to spend her life in his arms.

Warnings: none really, maybe the reference of a guy staring but that’s all. Otherwise fluffier than cotton candy 💜🖤

Other: y/f/to = your favorite takeout (restaurant or food)

Y/n rested her head on Freddy’s shoulder as he chatted with his costars in the pub.

Freddy grinned down at her, his hand on her hip pulling her body closer despite her being right against him anyways.

Amita smirked at y/n across the table as Ben and Freddy kept talking.

Y/n smiled back at her before pressing a secret and soft kiss to his shoulder.

Freddy held up a finger to Ben to pause the conversation, turning in his seat to look at his wife with a wide smile.

“Doing alright my love?” He asked, his eyes scanning her for any signs of distress.

She nodded, kissing his lips briefly, neither one typically being big on PDA.

Freddy stroked her cheek with his thumb as he stared into her eyes, “promise?”

She giggled, wrapping her arms around him, “promise babe. I’m good here in your arms”.

He sighed quietly, pulling her back into his embrace and pressing a small kiss to her forehead.

“Go on, you were saying” Freddy reminded Ben, looking back at his friend.

Ben laughed and nodded, picking up where he left off.

“Honey” y/n said, looking over at her husband as he grabbed their drinks.

He smiled down at her but frowned as he saw the look in her eyes.

Freddy discarded the drinks on the table, his hands moving to her shoulder to pull her against his chest.

She snuggled into his arms, smiling faintly against his torso as she calmed her breathing.

“That’s it my love. Keep breathing” he encouraged, rubbing her arms.

Once she’d calmed down and he couldn’t see the worried look in her eyes, Freddy stepped back to look around.

“What caused this reaction, darling?” He asked, scanning the scene for the issue.

She sighed, wrapping her arms around herself for comfort even though it wasn’t the same as Freddy’s.

Even before they were married, she’d always felt safe and secure in his arms.

It didn’t matter what was going on around her, what she was dealing with, what potential threat was present, his strong arms being around her made her feel like she was in the world’s most secure vault while it was guarded by people who swore their life to protect its contents.

He was also always looking for ways to protect her, even from minor inconveniences or stressors.

Freddy knew his wife could handle herself if need be, but he didn’t want her to need to.

He took immense pride in helping her feel safe and comfortable wherever the couple went.

“Darling,” Freddy whispered gently, pulling her from her train of thought.

“That guy over there” she sighed, pointing to where some man was leaning against the wall eyeing some poor woman.

He frowned, and nodded, pulling the back of her shirt until he held her in his arms, “did he try anything?”.

She shook her head, rubbing his chest calmly with her hand, “no baby. I just… it was creepy”.

Freddy pursed his lips as he watched the man from across the room, his stare nearly as intense as Kaz’s.

“Sorry, it’s just…” she mumbled, playing with the wedding ring on her finger.

“Uh uh, you do not need to apologize for seeking me, love” he argued, squeezing her in his arms.

She chuckled and nodded; well, as much as she could given her head was squished against his chest.

“I’m serious, I need you to know you can always come to me” he replied, glaring once more across the room.

Y/n leaned back in his arms, his hands holding her from falling backwards, “I know Freddy”.

Freddy proudly grinned, “why don’t we get out of here darling?”

She nodded, moving to stand beside him.

Freddy intertwined their hands as he used his other hand to grab her bag and his coat.

He slid some cash from his wallet across the counter to the employee before following y/n outside.

He smiled to himself as she took a deep breath of fresh air and grinned while starting to walk down the street.

Freddy shook his head, tugging her hand to signal for her to stop.

She spun around and removed her hand from his as she crossed her arms over her chest, “I thought we were going home so I could have a nice night in with my husband”.

Freddy laughed at her pretend pout, placing his lips on hers until she smiled again.

He pulled back and took the jacket from his hand, delicately placing it around her.

Y/n watched him in awe at just how sweet he always managed to be.

“Love, come on” Freddy said, trying to move her arm into the sleeve, “a little help would be appreciated”.

She giggled and slid her arms into the sleeves of his coat as he secured the front to keep the breeze from hitting her.

“Thank you Freddy” she whispered, smiling at him.

He smirked, “no longer mad I slowed us down?”

She rolled her eyes, “I wasn’t mad”.

Freddy laughed, “I believe you complained that my brief pause was preventing you from enjoying your night with your husband”

“I said no such thing!” She scoffed, glaring at him, “I said a nice night in, Fredrick!”

Freddy raised an eyebrow in question as he stared at her.

“I have been enjoying a nice night with my husband, thank you” she tsked, “I simply stated I wanted to get home to enjoy a night IN as well”.

He laughed and shook his head as he listened carefully to her words in this silly argument.

“My apologies, but I’m sure your husband will understand” he smirked, grabbing her hand and kissing her ring finger.

“No because that’s what Nancy said”. y/n pointed out to Kit as they walked down the street.

Freddy internally groaned as he mentally tried to communicate with Kit without interrupting his wife’s conversation.

He kept tapping him and looking at the road but kit wasn’t paying attention.

He wanted to yell at Kit for taking the inner side of the sidewalk and having y/n stand on the side near the cars.

Normally he wouldn’t risk interrupting her catching up with his coworkers, especially since they loved her and had all become such close friends.

But he practically lunged forward when a car came too close to the curb for his comfort.

Freddy gave his wife and Kit a kind smile before he walked in front of her.

“Freddy, hun?” She asked slowly, giggling faintly.

Kit raised an eyebrow at him, “your not normally prone to jealousy Carter”.

It was true, Freddy had learned years ago how deep y/N’s love for him went and that was more than enough to trust her around anyone who might try to flirt with her.

So even if he would find himself envious of the other man in some way (such as the man having more success in his acting career, etc), he didn’t feel jealous of their presence around his wife; he knew how loved he was and how strong their shared bond was.

Freddy rolled his eyes, carefully grabbing y/N’s hand and guiding her to the other side of Kit, “there. As you were”.

Amita laughed loudly as Freddy returned to his position behind his wife and Kit.

Ben simply patted him on the back with a smug smile and nodded in approval.

Y/n glanced back and grinned at her husband before looking forward as she and Kit continued to catch up on his recent travels.

“I thought you were going to jump out of your skin for the last five minutes straight” Amita joked, putting her phone away, having caught the disgustingly sweet interaction on video.

Freddy shrugged, “it wasn’t safe for her to be by the road”.

“And if Kit switches back?” Ben teases loudly with the intent of Kit hearing.

Kit turns his head back enough to smirk at Freddy who groans and glances over at his beloved wife.

He gives her a sweet smile before looking back at Kit just as Kit turns his head back around to see where he’s walking.

“Then I will personally shove Kit out of the way and stand between her and the road myself” Freddy smirked.

Y/n giggles and shakes her head at him without turning around, the others look around at each other unsure if he’s joking or not.

“So wait, your agent actually-“ Freddy began but stopped as he noticed a strange man heading their way.

“Yeah, she said-“ y/n replied slowly , confused by his pause.

Freddy wrapped the hand he had on her back around her waist and moved her behind him, “save that thought love”.

Y/n watched him as he put his body between hers and the stranger she just noticed.

Freddy protectively eyed the man up and down as he neared them, “stay behind me please”.

Y/n hummed softly so he could relax a little knowing she would do as he asked.

The stranger all but ignored the couple as they passed, Freddy letting out a sigh of relief once he left.

“I’m safe Freddy” she assured him, leaning her head on his shoulder once she returned to his side.

He beamed down at her, kissing the top of her head, “good”.

“Freddy?!” Y/n exclaimed as she exited her meeting and saw her husband leaning against the wall outside the door.

He smiled shyly, shuffling his feet a bit as he looked up at her, “‘ello darling”.

“Is everything okay?” She asked, instantly stepping closer to him and resting her hands on his chest.

Freddy chuckled and nodded, “I just didn’t want you walking home alone, especially this late”.

Y/n smirked and looked out the window teasingly as the sun beamed into the room.

He blushed and shrugged, biting his lip anxiously, “okay, maybe I’m a little overprotective of you”.

Y/n sighed contentedly and tugged on his blazer’s sides to pull him closer.

She smiled widely at her husband, her eyes glimmering as she shook her head softly, “I love you”.

Freddy grinned and tipped his head down to gift her a grateful kiss, “I love you too y/n”.

She had these afternoon meetings for a whole week as her agent booked a big contract for her and they needed to go over the terms in detail.

And just as she had the first time, each time she stepped out of her meeting she came face to face with her handsome husband.

Freddy was always patiently waiting in the hall when her meeting ended.

He switched spots a few times, but never ceased to be present when she was done in order to walk home with her.

On the last day of meetings, she finalized the date and time for her shoot before she stepped out of the room.

Y/N’s eyes scanned the room, an unconscious frown forming from her disappointment when she didn’t see her husband in the hallway.

Soon she felt arms wrap around her waist, the feeling of his hands and the sense of safety that followed instantly giving his identity away.

“Did I tell you how radiant you looked today, my dear?” Freddy whispered into her ear as he held her back to his chest.

Y/n smiled and leaned her head back to gaze up at him lovingly, “you always do, gorgeous”.

Freddy kissed her nose, smiling as she giggled and lowered her head before spinning around in his arms to face him.

“What’re you ever going to do now that I’m done with the contract meetings?” She teased, straightening his dress shirt from the winkles her movement caused.

Freddy rolled his eyes playfully, holding her tightly in his arms, “not stress as much”.

She shook her head, “why were you stressing? With you as my husband, no one would be stupid enough to try to harm me”.

He grinned and bit his lip, moving one hand to stroke her face tenderly, “as much as I appreciate that, I’m only Kaz on TV”.

She rolled her eyes and softly hit his chest with an open hand, “Fredrick James Carter, love of my life, I married you. Not fictional Kaz. While you do play him flawlessly, and look breathtaking while doing so, I only want you. I only need your protection”.

Freddy’s face reddened deeply as he analyzed the sincere stare she was giving him, his lips curling up slightly, “I’m glad you want me, after all, Leigh could kill-“

Y/n gasped and smacked his chest again, “don’t you dare suggest that Mr. Carter!”

He laughed loudly, tucking her hair behind her ear as she glared lightly at him, “my sincere apology Mrs. Carter”.

She hummed and nodded firmly, “that’s what I thought”.

Freddy chuckled, pressing his lips to her forehead.

They stayed like that for a bit, just frozen in the moment.

When he pulled back and took her bag from her as he began to guide them home, she squeezed his hand and stopped.

Freddy turned to face her, confusion clearly written all over his features, “honey, are you okay?”

Y/n nodded, closing the distance between them and staring into his eyes, “I wasn’t lying Freddy”.

He pursed his lips and raised his eyebrows as he waited for a clue to what she was referencing.

“Whether you feel it’s true or not, I do” she explains, wrapping her arms around his torso.

“When I’m in your arms Freddy, it’s like nothing could hurt me” y/n whispered, smiling up at him.

Freddy broke into a wide grin, his dimples deepening as his cheeks flushed, “truly?”

She nodded, “ask Amita. The other day she was joking about you being protective and I told blurted out ‘I always feel safe in his arms’ ; to which she wouldn’t shut up about”.

Freddy beamed and pulled her to him, his arms around her as he rested his chin on her head, “I’ve genuinely never been more proud and honored, my love”.

Y/n snuggled into his chest and they stayed like that for a few minutes, her enjoying his steady embrace.

She pulled back and stretched her legs upwards to give him a delicate kiss to his smiling lips.

“Well, if I’m honest” Freddy murmured, gently lifting her left hand up to his mouth.

Y/n watched as he smiled wider while looking at her wedding ring before lifting his eyes to look into hers.

“It probably is about equal to you saying yes to marrying me” Freddy finished, pressing his lips tenderly on her ring finger.

She blushed and when he removed his lips from her finger, she moved her hand behind his head.

“It wasn’t even a decision. It was so simple” y/n told him, playing with his hair.

Freddy blushed darker, shaking his head slowly as he stared in disbelief at the love of his life.

“I’m glad you feel safe in my arms darling, because I love you being in them” he admitted, tugging her even closer with his arms he had hooked behind her waist.

Y/n gently pulled on his hair to have him lower his head while holding his gaze lovingly.

Freddy complied, hanging his head down mere millimeters from hers, “I always want to have you in my arms, y/n”.

She pressed her lips to his passionately, Freddy moving his with hers instantaneously; his arms of course steadily holding onto her.

“Then I think we have a deal because I always want to be in them, Freddy” she whispered as she stopped the kiss in need of air.

“The deal is the deal” Freddy joked, winking teasingly at her.

Y/n laughed loudly, making his smile grow more pronounced.

Freddy adjusted his arm to place it around her shoulder so he could hold her to his side instead; needing to be able to walk but not wanting to let her go.

He wasn’t sure he would ever easily let her go now that he knew that she felt safe in his arms.

“Let’s head home darling and we can cuddle while waiting for take out hmm?” Freddy offered as y/n slid her arm around his lower back.

“Y/f/to?” She inquired excitedly.

“Clearly” he smirked, “and the red blanket you love should be done drying”.

“What are we waiting for?” Y/n gushed, tightening her hold on him as she sped up.

“Nothing my dear, just know we’ve got a lifetime ahead of us” he chuckled, walking faster to keep up, “and I intend to have you in my arms for as much of it as possible”.

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#freddy carter fluff #freddy carter x you #freddy carter x y/n #freddy carter x yn #Freddy Carter #freddy carter x reader #Freddy Carter x wife #Freddy Carter x wife!reader #Freddy Carter protective #my writing #sab cast #original post

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goldenpinof · 5 months

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what you said about youtube being a unique stressor made me realize that dan doesn't really have the personality for internet fame. he is (and i don't mean this unkindly i just couldn't think of a nicer phrase) an attention seeker. he can be extremely self-absorbed and bordering on vain, and has also been highly reactive/sensitive to criticism in the past (this is less true or at least less public now). which is fine and even expected from many entertainers EXCEPT online. because unlike a musician, an actor, or even most comedians (depending on the style of their comedy), his fame is not dependant on a particular talent but on the persona he projects as a whole. success on youtube, at least the niche he's found on youtube, is dependant on parasocial attachment. people need to connect and relate to him (or at least his public persona, which when he was younger he had a lot of trouble separating from "him"). and the attention-seeking, vaulted attitude doesn't naturally lend itself to relatability. i think he's quite self-aware of this, and it certainly didn't hold him back at the peak of the dnp brand, but i think it's part of why youtube feels less comfortable for him than other forms if entertainment that have traditionally more of a boundary between creator and creation. his comedy is very confessional, so obviously it is about him, but it's also about the general quality of it as a piece of comedy writing, and the quality of the other aspects put into it by others. the book is about him, but it's also about the information within it and the quality of the writing. as you said, something he's made vs something he is

don't forget that i don't know for sure. i'm just basing my thoughts on what he says/does if i even remember it correctly.

you can be right. i like what you said about "a bondary between creator and creation", that makes a lot of sense. (my take below, i guess)

throughout the years he was the main target for attention and criticism because his content was his personality (more or less). and he doesn't like to be criticised, he doesn't really know what to do with it. but if you criticise his work (shows, book, board game), you criticise an object rather than him. and yes, Dan can be hurt by it as well (boo, how could you not like what i created?), but it's less personal. also, he can always think/say that someone just doesn't get it, it's not for everyone. if his projects still make money, who cares about "them haters". it's harder if your face or personality are viewed as unlikeable. like, "how could you not get my videos aka me and the experiences i had?" especially when you grow up and mature on the internet (18 to 25 are probably the hardest years when you are finally free to do anything but don't know shit and don't have money, also you just lost all your school/childhood friends and have to either decide on education or job. basically, alone. your whole worldview is shifting, and of course it's incredibly hard if all your fuck ups are on the internet). i bet he was stressing so much trying to appear likable to as many people as he could and to simultaneously please the algorithm (when it became important). alas! it will never happen on the internet.

i hope he really gives 0 fucks about how the content they are making now is perceived on social media. and about comments some people make when he posts certain pictures. he likes personal attention as well, so i do think a part of him enjoys internet fame (the positive side of it). he can't get everything irl, it's easier to receive it online. and he receives it online more than irl.

we will see how it goes, because tours are one thing. a book was a completely separate business. Dan is not okay, if it's a series on a big platform that is not youtube, would be a whole new experience for Dan, and for us because of the outsiders. there could be criticism (it's in people's nature) and i'd love to see how Dan works with it. he didn't pay any attention to the negative reviews his book received. maybe because he wasn't present online, idk. but some sort of series is a bigger deal.

#answered #dan #dan is not okay #to find it in case

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chilapis · 11 days

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hi almandine ! i hope ur having a wonderful day ; are u taking breaks and eating well ? idk if the semesters are as long as they are for me bc i know we live in different places, but i wish u so much good luck for ur studies as the end of the academic year approaches 🫶 i wanted to ask, what kind of person is leon? what does he do, whats the world he lives in like, and how do u see him thru ur eyes? my only exposure to him is through .. online mods and gifs ive seen of him go viral, u probably know the ones LOL, but i wanted to learn abt him from u if thats okay 🫶 (@dmclr)

Our semester has pretty much come to its conclusion — my first final is in…. 18 days? Just a little over two weeks, which is a terrifying thought. I’ve been trying to see to my needs and give myself a break and here though! <3 I just hope you’ve been taking care of yourself the same way? Please don’t let yourself drown in academic or other stressors, and know that with as strong as you are, you can overcome anything.

The online mods…. Yeah, I’ve. seen a couple. They’re, something certainly. (My reaction to that information v)

What does he do? Well, he was a cop— just started his job, actually (like one day? literally one day? It was the first day?), but then pretty much got hired by The President and got employment as a government agent for the United States. Fun.

The Resident Evil world is… interesting? Kind of like if, “fuck around and find out” and, “instead of asking if you can, ask if you should” combined. There’s biological weapons running rampant, including dogs, literal zombies (but we don’t call them zombies, no), and uh…. Huge grey men?

Say hi to him. He will not die. You cannot kill him. You cannot kill anything in this stupid universe actually. My favourite Resident Evil game, Resident Evil 7 (which… ironically doesn’t have Leon in it) literally features this one stupid fucking Southern family (whom I love so sweetly) and the father, Jack Baker, just will. Not. Die. You know how in games you get to experience different boss battles? Yes, well, I don’t remember how many boss battles are in RE7, but I will tell you this: 3 of them belong to Mr. Baker ENTIRELY. He just mutates worse and worse and you keep thinking he is dead but he is NOT. You kill his wife and she dies but no, he just won’t fucking die. And then you buy the DLC and you play as the big, strong, veteran uncle who just PUNCHES THINGS INSTEAD OF USING WEAPONS AND IT SOMEHOW FUCKING WORKS and guess who the big bad is! You’ll never guess! You’ll never figure it out! That’s right! It’s Jack Fucking Baker for the fourth god damn time and now he looks even more disgusting and corrupted. Although the game did not include Leon (it held Ethan Winters, a darling father), it’s still set in the same universe so I feel like you can get a pretty good… idea from all of that, yes? Remember ! Nothing. Dies. If you think it’s dead, it is not, it is simply now More aware of your existence.

Now, onto the actual man himself.

First of all? Not related to my view on him but he’s was… kind of misogyny-coded in the original Resident Evil 4 and that makes me giggle a little but I still somehow prefer that RE4 to the 2023 Remake. I know I reblog gifs of the remake a lot and that is simply because, I mean, who doesn’t enjoy experiencing their silly guy with better graphic quality, right? But I don’t like the alterations they did to certain scenes and dialogues. Also he looked like this in the original re4 which scares me more than the undying mutated abominations so, I. Well.

(^ NOT RELATED TO THE MISOGYNY HE WAS SUFFERING FROM DISEASE HE WAS ILL)

Okay, okay, anyway…. I HATE how the fandom views him, it stresses me out. They view him as this demanding, super serious, violent, brooding man who just wants a stupid, ditzy, useless girlfriend he can dominate, control and be a creep towards but that’s… not him? Like, how do you mess up so bad. This isn’t a particular part of the fandom as much almost the majority of it, sadly.

I feel like he’d, if anything, be a “wife guy”; he has a stressful job, he is traumatised beyond belief, he looks death in the eyes on a regular basis, he lost his parents when he was young, he has went through a-lot. And yet he’s so gentle, he still believes in saving everyone. He still believes in humanity and has this hope in him. He is still… soft. I don’t think he’d be a controlling or aggressive partner; I think he just wants something comforting to come back to, and he’d be SO grateful to have a partner who sticks by him through thick or thin, he’d be so genuinely giddy while taking about them. He lost his parents for fuck’s sake and got stuck in this godforsaken infected world when he was just 21… he wants home, I think more than anything he wants to come back to a place where he doesn’t have to think, where things can be handled for him and all he has to do is let himself be loved. Praised and acknowledged for once in his (somewhat miserable, let’s be honest) life. I mentioned, while answering Lucy’s ask, that I view him as a guard dog, and I think that’s perfect for him. He exists to protect — he has dedicated himself to that protection, to offering that canopy. His aggression is never on the offence, it has never been; not once, but it is done as a protective measure. If the years have reduced Ajax to a sword then they have reduced Leon to a shield. He just wants his efforts acknowledged — he just wants praise and warmth and comfort — and yet are they ever? At-least, to the degree they deserve? He falls into a depressive state in Resident Evil: Vendetta and it stings. He is such a simple man and I genuinely believe domesticity could fix him. He has never known what it’s like to feel safe — why would anyone want to force him to be a protector even in his partnership, even in intimacy? Let him relax for fuck’s sake. Let him. know what it’s like to be on the other end for once in his life. Comfortable clothes, hand holding on a warm cup of tea rather than a gun or a knife. No news channels and no social media or nothing. Phone on DND. I do not care if the USA burns to the ground, I want him to rest his head on my shoulder and finally get the sleep he hasn’t had in years. Civilian lives can wait a few hours to be saved.

#do you understand how fucking much I hate the fandom. get your hands OFF him #🥀🍷 — colloquy.#🫀🐕

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girlwithfish · 3 months

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tmrw im gonna go to a record store by myself. i wanted to go today but he forgot i guess and i didnt really wanna bring it up a third time. trying to be understanding bc ik his financial situation is a big stressor for him and today he couldnt get his meds bc his insurance wasnt accepted at pharmacy and then he had to pay out of pocket so he hadnt taken his vyvanse and all this stuff but im thinking he isnt ready for a serious relationship or to give me the attention and care thwt i want. idk. and im not trying to act like i do the most for him bc i get worried wjen i think abt how i want him to show more effort or care bc im like well do I do that? but idk most activities we do are his interests orclike when we run errands its for him bc im at his place and wr use my car and all this stuff idk if im overthinking it or we get plants that he wants for his place and i feel im just there w him but theres not a lot we do that is For me and idk i also feel maybe i shldnt spend as much time at his place bc i feel hes too comfortable w me bc he knows he has me and so like idk we dont plan dates really i mean maybe i lied when i said we havent rly gone ojt on a date bc we did go tocthe library to read once ig thats a date or we went to that open mic but idk i feel theres not a lot of effort or care shown and like we do outdoorsy hobbies that he likes like pickle ball nd we did that today nd he forgot abt the record store ig bc i said ystrdy we shld go over txt and he said yes then we didnt go ystrdy and it was closed so he apologized and said well go tmrw and he brought it up before we went to play pickle ball and i said id like to go yes and said what time it closes and when we went out we did that then went to target so he cld get his meds and i guess he forgot and i really didnt wanna bring it up again. Idk maybe its not a big deal. i dont think i shld b in a relationship cuz i just accept the bare minimum and i cant stand up for myself lol. and we use my car allcthe time which i dont mind too much but his car is rly bad and im trying not to judge or anything but idk is that bad! and he drives my car too which idk its nice not having to drive but he said he likes driving bc he doesnt trust other peoples driving so its more a control thing so it doesnt rly feel like its like hes doing a nice thing for me. and idk. ;/ im just kind of sad bc he doesnt rly compliment me as much anymore either. he did say i looked cute in a picture he took of me ystrdu but idk he used to say a few compliments when were w each other. and i got sad bc he used to hold the door a month ago for me now he doesnt rly or i guess he did once today when we were going into his house and i got confused bc he usually doesnt do that anymore. its literally a month in this should be like puppy love stage or whatever like i shld b feeling wanted and happy and like theyre trying to date me IDK lol

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jonahh · 2 years

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i loveeee jonah and i can’t rly think of a good question for u?? maybe like how did u feel abt the amy jonah breakup proposal scene in s6? i know it was sorta unpopular in the fandom as forced but i thought it was very sympathetic and understandable on both sides tbh

narratively speaking superstore actually hit the jackpot by getting canceled when it did, because if that had been the last we see of amy i don't think they could have salvaged it—or it would have been very difficult to, at least. i definitely had my doubts on a larger scale about superstore without america, and i still don't know that amy moving to california was the smartest plot move, but they weren't expecting to lose a lead and you work with what you have i guess

that being said! given that this was the in-universe route they chose, i do think that they pulled it off in a way that felt true to the characters. it's definitely brutal to watch, but it makes sense. of course amy is hesitant to make such a big, official step. even though it's jonah, and he's been around for a long time, and their relationship is great, she's been through this before and it completely derailed her from what she originally wanted in life. and so in her mind, there's always room for things to go wrong—whether that's in an immediate and catastrophic way or a slower, boiling-frog stagnation way. because of her circumstances, it's important to her that she have an easy escape route if that were to happen.

there's also the issue of the timing. i think that, if the circumstances were different and this didn't come up at the time of the move, it would feel less claustrophobic for her. but it's sort of an insane and tumultuous period, and adding yet another life-altering decision to the mix was definitely. not great.

jonah's view is completely different here. he pretty much sees them as already-married at this point, so it doesn't feel as daunting for him. this is where i do start to feel a little conflicted, so bear with me. on the one hand i do think he should have known better than to think this wouldn't be an added stressor for amy. like, obviously he's aware of her past, and the baggage/trauma she has regarding marriage. he's not adam, of course he's not adam, but who's to say he wouldn't fall into the same rut? he has a string of abandoned jobs behind him, and frankly not a whole lot of prospects. adam has a string of abandoned hobbies. amy's always been the one to take on the role of "adult" and frankly, as much as she (and i) love jonah, the relationship doesn't...look all that different. yes, true love, etc but she has kids and so she has to look at it from a practical as well as a romantic perspective.

the thing is, while he went about it in a way that was a little thoughtless and insane, jonah's also not in the wrong for wanting something more. i mean, the dude is moving across the country for her. they HAVE been together for several years, and they've known each other for several years before that. they are, functionally, a family, so it makes sense that he would want to make that official. and as solid as the relationship is, he just needs to know that she won't pull the rug out from under him suddenly—marriage seems like the most natural way to prove the stability of the relationship and soothe his neuroses. plus, in his mind, there's absolutely no chance he's going to be the one to leave. she's the reason he's stuck around for so many years, after all. but she has no way of fully understanding that without literally being in his head.

seeing him stand up for himself and set that boundary is cathartic. watching amy have to deal with the ultimatum is heartbreaking. marriage means two different things to these characters, and that's what makes the breakup so potent.

#fictionandmusic #also they both acted their ASSES off in this scene ben especially #however again. if they hadn't ended it after s6 it wouldn't have been a satisfying ending for them. the context is essential #.txt #nbc superstore #superstore #jonah x amy #jonah simms #amy sosa

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shallowrambles · 2 months

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What is your favorite episode or saying from Supernatual

Over time, the lines that have stuck with me are Dean's and Cas's words about trying to get better/be better.

I think Cas's was something like: "You can start being good anytime." and Dean's (to Jack) was "Every day we have to believe we can get better."

I have come to love Optimism for the showcase of Dean's growth away from the fear-clinging in particular.

To Jack, he says: "It's not about being right. You're gonna make mistakes."

And I LOVE that.

///

Sorry I get...rambley when I'm sick:

Since I got here, I notice in fandom that there's a lot of "specialist talk," where ppl identify themselves as an X-girl brand themselves as stuff like: "I'm an understander, I'm a Ph.D is <special topic> and I'm literally always right about my analyses."

And well. I think it was maybe ilarual or angelsdean or maybe even queermania that put it best: SPN is a revolving door where each character goes through periods where they enjoy the moral high ground.

(And I know I've said this a couple times, BUT if I ever go on any of my blogs professing to be "right" or "an understander", please please please shoot me. I'm either already dead or someone is impersonating me.)

The truth is, no one is "right" all the time, in the story or the analysis. All the mains say hurtful things. They all engage in defense mechanisms that hurt others. They all horribly overreach for power, and that reaching for power tends to have multiple, sometimes even competing motives:

(1) For Sam, he wants to be strong to do all this "good guy” stuff, but he also loves the power itself; his tendency to dissociate and sunder his emotions (like *Rowena) can manifest in callous pragmatism. (2) Dean wants to take out the threats, and so many of his arcs are about torturing too! Which is about the revenge power fantasy, of "being the one to dole out the suffering for one (see: Dean in hell, Demon Dean). Dean is neurotically rigid at times because he so desperately wants to keep you safe. (Mary and Dean’s convo in Exodus comes to mind.) (3) Cas wanted to be a "just" God, to put beloved humanity first, but he also really really really wants to punish, becoming authoritarian, demanding adoration, love, etc as reward for his good deeds. Those good deeds ranged from real political threats to thought crimes and run-on-the-mill hypocrisy, often lurching into overly severe punishments.

And Jack ofc, has arcs that echo and represent all three: doomed child that might need to be executed, sacrificial soldier-child, and disconnected heir to the throne/"God."

///

SPN does a pretty good job showing flawed men, and though the flaws of characters like Lisa ("doormat tendencies and people as projects") and Amelia (“currently having a great big OOC freakout/nervous breakdown"), Jo (“become a hero to fill the void of the loss of her father”) are present in small doses, it goes even harder with characters like Amara and Mary! I love love love that no one is an ideal.

So when I talk about it, know that I favor it because it represents how real relationships tend to generate and change. When an ideal exists, it's usually positioned as a fantasy or juxtaposed with a character's psychological wound/big freakout in response to a stressor. (Yes, I think even Sam from season 8 is having a Big Freakout. An "OOC" Nervous Breakdown, if you will. It happens. When Sam goes hard into hunting or gets back into hunting, he tends to overcorrect. He doesn’t wanna “choke again.”)

And Mary Mary Mary…my love. Mary's whole arc was, "I'm not just a mother," because it's trying to make the point that archetypes, even in writing, are just simplified boxes, and we have to step back sometimes and reminds ourselves of that.

///

I feel like the back-half of SPN and especially SPNwin is about loss, closure, and trying to see each other as the flawed selves that we really are. “I wanted you to see that the real Mary was better than (the ideal).”

I feel like sometimes we can veer into distinctly Chuck-coded territory when we pretend we are always right or don't change our minds about a topic OR don't entertain both the least charitable and the most charitable viewpoints.

I've come to realize that I can hold several viewpoints at once, including "Dean as neurotic-controlling villain / Sam as callous-pragmatic villain / Cas as grandiose-idealistic villain," shadowlines. It’s about the anxiety underlying worst self / best self.

Which is pretty cool.

#asks #meditations on fandom #if you always agree with yourself #are you really challenging yourself?#i wonder #vance isn't vance #you can't pick work over me jimmy!#shadow selves and the idea of the worst self #ugh i started rambling

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visible-buttholegirl · 1 year

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i haven't vented on here in a while but i guess i crave the feeling of being seen so here ya go (warning, its a doozy):

this weekend has been really hard for me. this week started with me being quite depressed, and i tried going to the gym again to at least get back on my fitness shit, which was pretty okay, i worked out three times i think? then i had a date with a guy, and i thought it went really well, but that was on Thursday and i haven't heard back from him so i'm guessing that ship has sailed. and since then, i've been underslept and drinking a lot. and there's lots of little stressors in my life right now. AND i hate my job.

i'm just kind of hating life right now. i feel so unfulfilled in this office job. yes its great money and yes its a graphic design career, and YES its probably the nicest office job a person could ask for. but i am unhappy. i hate sitting at a desk staring at a screen for 8 hours. sorry to say but i hate the vibe of office people. its so mundane and boring and sanitized and awful. i hate going into the office and sitting in that dry, warm cubicle. i hate all the little processes that i will literally never remember. i hate the passive aggression. i hate the pressure to be professional and normal. i hate all the anxiety i've acquired in the last couple of years from being so comfortable. i can't talk to people in public, i can't be calm on a date, i can't be fucked to do anything on my own!

and that date. sorry to say but it has really fucked me up. i was so anxious going into it, and he was cute, and taller than me, and seemed nice and we got along. we laughed and had similar interests, i made good eye contact and was hot and charismatic and fun. and he gave me a hug at the end and then i never heard from him again. what the fuck is that??? what gives?? what didn't he like? was i too faggy for him? were we too similar to each other? was i just not his type? so frustrating that i did a good job and was myself and even that didn't work. i thought this was going to be a turning point for me. i guess it still can be.

i hate this world we live in now. i hate my phone and my dependency on technology. i hate that i never have time or mental energy to be creative. i hate that me quitting this job will probably be a big let down to everyone.

i just want to live on a farm. have a boyfriend and Cookie (my cat) and some animals. some plants and veggies and just making meals off my land. minding our business and taking each day as it comes. no work-related responsibilities, no money to worry about, no politics to worry about. i want to spend my days caring for my land and my animals, my boyfriend, my creative endeavors, my health and exercise, my cooking, i want to sit in the sun and get freckles on my cheeks, i want to have bonfires at night with friends and tell stories and cook delicious food. i want to LIVE. right now i am not living. right now i am barely getting by mentally. things need to change. but i say that all the time and nothing does. what is the fucking point. everything is going to shit anyways. where is one supposed to derive joy from in this current world?

#me

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golbrocklovely · 2 years

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As I agree on that his “perspectives” and not stopping talking about same topic is getting repetitive, as well as he don’t have any worries when it comes to financial position, I do not agree with that that he didn’t have any hardships in life and do not know what struggling is like.

First of all , why do you think many famous artists, RICH PEOPLE end their lives many MANY times? Because they are bored? No! Because they struggled with smth that made them make this move! Just because Sam has currently two mansions and his life SEEM to be going good, doesn’t mean that this is the way it is and that he doesn’t struggle at all. God help me, looking at the fact how many times he spokes about this particular topic I fcking BET that he has some big problem on himself currently for a longer time. Because it feels atp that he is more speaking for himself than for others.

Struggling can have different bases. It can be because of money and lack of it , it can be some family issues, abusive household, having addicted to smth parents or siblings, bullying online or at school, mental problems, some problems at work… do I need to go on? And all of those problems have different values for different people. For example some people might not care what other people think, so them bullying them, won’t be such a big problem for them, but for some people can be more than a bigger problem, because they have low self-esteem. Some people might not care about their family and what is going inside of it, but some people will caree sooo much for their family to be together and get on well with eo.

Beside social media and what he posts, we don’t know Sam. We have zero to fucking idea how is he with his family for example, do they have some inside problems that are hurting him deeply but he just won’t speak about it? Maybe despite what we think we know, he actually gets really hurt about all the hate he receives. Maybe he feels not enough, because he is less liked than colby. Maybe someone close to him currently died … maybe maybe maybe…

Having money doesn’t mean happy life and 0 struggles. Yes it can help with your comfort of life, but it won’t erase completely other struggles. They still exist. Look at Colby f.e. He has too those money and fame. But he is struggling with his mental health and anxiety. Look at Jesy Nelson who at the peak of LM career tried to commit suicide. Look at Justin Bieber who lately had been diagnosed with some illness. Look at Selena Gomez. Look at Zayn Malik… many MANY people were ruined because of fame and MONEY and for many people it was money that killed them. So don’t come here and say that “SAm DONt KNoW WHAt ReAL StRUgGLE iS” . HOW TF U KNOW? Sam is PRIVATE person for a reason! I can swear on my life, that this man have much more to unpack than we think. And if he would one day reveal everything about him, we would be probably Really surprised.

Yes, i am tired of this topic too, just as you. But saying that he never struggled or doesn’t struggle now is just bs. All people struggle. Life ain’t perfect, even if you wanna present it as one :))

i can't speak for the other anons that have said some stuff on here, but i know for me personally, i fully believe that anyone can complain about life. no matter how good or well off you are, you can always be upset at what life has given you. so even if sam's biggest stressor right now is finding an editor, he's still allowed to complain about it. even if that's not comparable to someone else's stress.

and as for things that might be going on behind the scenes that either have happened before he became famous or are currently on going, he's allowed to keep things private. he can share as much or as little as he wants to. my issue is that, from what we do know about him that he's shared, he hasn't gone thru any major life problems. no major deaths or loss, he has never financially struggled, he's always been able to lean on his family, doesn't seem to have a bad relationship with them, and has never struggled with a mental illness. and i'm not saying that doesn't mean his life is sunshine and roses all the time, but comparatively, it's not as hard as others. that's not a rude assumption to have.

and if he has struggled with any of that type of stuff (or more), he should to some degree clue the fans in. bc it's one thing to give advice when you know what someone has experienced bc you too went thru it, but it's another thing to give advice to something you've never had to even really think about until now. having all the answers to a problem you've never faced ends up sounding patronizing to some. and i think that's what a lot of our issues are with his advice.

does that mean i think he shouldn't give advice at all? no. but maybe stay in your own lane to some extent. i think another issue that happens is that he comes across as a toxic positive person, instead of just positive. being toxic positive is just someone who outright ignores when bad things happen and always tries to be positive. or ignores when they are feeling a """""negative""""" emotion and instead pushes that feeling to the side. and i think sometimes he comes across like that. if he was more honest about when he felt down in the dumps or that life wasn't always so easy to turn around back into something good, i think his words would touch more ppl. bc honestly, i would love to hear that someone better off than me also has bad moments. bc it means i'm not alone in this struggle.

i don't wish him to feel like shit so i can feel connected to him tho. just wanted to make that clear.

one of the things sam and colby have talked about is that "life is a game and it's beatable" which…. i don't think i know how to word how dumb of a belief that is. bc that belief assumes that everyone is starting out in the same spot, or even playing the same game at all. when in reality, some are handed a controller with no buttons, some have cheat codes, and some are dealing with hard NPCs. some are playing tic-tac-toe and some are playing 4d chess. it's all the unluck/luck of the draw.

honestly, if sam (or snc both) answered the questions that have been thrown his way by saying "hey you know what, i've never experienced that before. the best advice i can give is XYZ, but that might not help. i hope things work out for you" and maybe throw some resources in depending on the situation, that would be SO. MUCH. BETTER. than going on and on with an answer that doesn't amount to anything compared to the situation. bc honestly, i don't expect them to have all the answers. i don't expect anyone to. and if they were honest with fans and just admitted that they aren't this all seeing eye that can give the right advice at the drop of a hat, they wouldn't come across as out of touch like they do sometimes. and in particular, sam runs into this issue a lot. colby and kat have pointed it out before that he ALWAYS tries to have an answer to their problems when all they wanted was an ear to listen.

i love them both dearly. i love sam a lot. i genuinely think he's coming from a good place. but, that doesn't mean he can't be wrong or outdated in his approach to giving advice. that's all i'm saying.

#ask #personal

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dailyaudiobiblechronological · 1 year

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1/27/2023 DAB Chronological Transcription

Genesis 43-45

Welcome to the Daily Audio Bible Chronological, I'm China. Today is the 27th day of January. Welcome. So great to be here with you today. Today we continue on in our story, a very heated story. What is going to happen next? Well, we continued on today with Genesis, chapters 43 through 45 and this week with in the Common English Bible.

Commentary:

The famine. Yeah, no joke when Jacob is saying, this is too much for me. This is a great story of reconciliation and redemption through the ward. And the heart posture that Joseph has is so impressive to me and so inspiring and encouraging because he has been enslaved, he has been a prisoner wrongfully. And now he is over charge of the harvest and the plentiful. And in this time of famine, which was a great stressor on all those surrounding towns and countries, and he is put in charge of this, which is a very big deal. I don't even know the equivalent of how he could translate that in today's time, but he's got a really big job. And all of this is because his heart has been faithfully with the Lord and I'm so impressed by that. But then how he's handling his brothers, not just one who's done him wrong, but ten who have done him wrong, and ten men, and then you reveal yourself to them and his responses, don't be too hard on yourselves because what you meant for evil, actually the Lord used it for good. I don't know how many times I've had that heart response. Do something much less on the scale that he has experienced. And so that encourages my heart to move into a place of forgiveness and quick forgiveness. And I think sometimes we, yes, feel your emotions, and I'm not sure what emotion he felt, but he was weeping a couple of different times. And so you can tell that he's overcome by emotion and what emotions those were, I'm not sure, but I feel like we could all have some pretty solid guesses. But then for him to say, don't be too hard on yourselves. I know that you meant this for evil, but the Lord used it for good. And now I'm in a place where I can make sure that you guys are taken care of and make sure that our father's taken care of. And again, that is the forgiveness heart motive. His heart is rooted in forgiveness and it's not in this. I'm going to let you suffer. I'm going to let you I'm going to give you this silent treatment. I'm going to make you feel my wrath. Walk on eggshells around me. I feel like sometimes you're like, okay, I'm going to forgive you in like three years or in like 30 minutes or whatever. And I'm not sure that I believe that. The Lord has said hate. We are called to forgive, forgive each other as Christ Jesus has forgiven us. And in some parts of scripture. It says that if we don't forgive, our sins aren't forgiven. And so I think the timeline of how we forgive is important. I used to think maybe it wasn't, but okay, I'm going to forgive you eventually, but not right now. Whereas Joseph here, he's feeling his emotions. Like, I'm learning the art of regulating your emotions and to do the breathwork and to really feel what you need to feel, kind of let those emotions pass through your body and regulate back to yourself and then to make decisions or talk after you're back to being regulated. And so I feel like Joseph going and stepping aside for a second and feeling what he needs to feel and crying and getting it all out and then coming back and then having these discussions feels like very similar to regulating your emotions, coming back and then being able to have a sound mind to respond with. But anyways, I'm learning that. I'm seeing the value in it and watching how differently conversations go when you respond from a regulated response. And I think that these are psychological, therapeutic practices, but I think that if the capital C Church can really grasp hold of these things, we know so much about ourselves and realize that the Lord is in those things as well. And he's not asking us to do things that he wasn't willing to do, but also that he wouldn't give us the tools to learn to do, if that makes sense. Because sometimes we can say through gritted teeth, I forgive you, or we can say, I forgive you, and it doesn't really do anything. Or we're like, waiting for forgiveness to come on, like an emotion that takes over our body, and we're like, oh, I don't have to do any hard work, I just forgive, like, hallelujah, which I feel like can happen. I've recently experienced that where I was like, yeah, I feel like maybe I should have what's the word I'm looking for? Like a grudge. But actually I just release you. I just release you. I forgive you, and I'm moving on. And I was kind of like, okay, I wasn't expecting that. I was expecting to be upset for a little bit longer, but I think so. I think that sometimes it does happen, and I think other times we have to actively choose to forgive and to release and yeah, I don't know. I just think that there's a lot to learn in the forgiveness realm, but also a lot to learn and how to regulate ourselves. And so I'm learning the art of, like, deep belly breathing. Just a quick how. I mean, if we're if we're going to heal our bodies through, like, mind, body, spirit, then we can't neglect the body, right? Like, we can pray for a sound mind and renew our mind, but then we also need to do some practical things, too, is personally what I believe. And so if we do like, deep belly breathing that helps regulate our levels of serotonin, because there's more serotonin in our gut than there is in our brain. And so those neurotransmitters have to be firing at all cylinders. And so it's just important that we kind of have the whole picture. And I think once we have the whole picture, we realize that we're actually not crazy and realize, oh, there's just a missing step here. And so I don't know how those two fit together, but I feel like the host here was inviting me to sharing that. So I think if anything, let's take a few deep belly breaths. And so this is a good practice that I have been doing. If you put your hand on your stomach and put one on your chest, and then you can take like a deep breath and feel your stomach pull in. Like if you inhale, you feel it pull in and then exhale through your mouth and you can feel it expand. And really what that does is you're focusing on your breath. And when you focus on your breath, your mind can wander, but just gently bring it back. And when you focus on that, you can feel a difference in how centered you are versus a charged response to things. And so if we can practice this a few times a day, but then especially in those situations where it's like, oh, here's all ten of my brothers, here's my revenge. I'm selling you, I'm selling you, I'm selling you, I'm going to slaughter you, I'm going to blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, you again. I think that he responded because he had a solid relationship with the Lord and he really understood who the Lord was. But then I also think he did some practical steps of regulating his emotions before he responded. So I think that that is something that we miss, we overlook, and there's value in it. So take a few minutes deep belly breathe, and then we'll pray.

Prayer:

Father, I thank you that you know us, you have created us in Your image and you have called us good. And God, I pray that the words that Joseph spoke would reign true over ourselves, not to be too hard on ourselves, whether that is something that we receive over ourselves or something that we extend to others and that we would just be reminded that sometimes what man means for evil, the Lord works out for good. He intends for good. And I thank You, Lord, that you are the only one who can redeem you're, the only one who can restore you're the only one who can save. And so I pray that we would grasp that, that we would know that truth and that we would carry that with us. I think there's so much authority in the understanding of that. And I also pray God, that when we have those scenarios arise, because they will come. There may be one that happens later today. I pray that we would remember our breath, that we would remember our breath work to be able to pause and to invite you into the moment and just to focus on our breathing and remember that we are called to renew our mind and to renew our spirit. But we can't do that on our own. We have to ask you to do that. And I thank you that you're always willing and you're always able. And so I just thank you for this story, those little things that remind us that you are a God who cares. You are a God who knows his people and what they need. And I thank you that even just the little details today of the story, even Joseph having a moment to grieve or to cry or to process, to feel what he needed to feel and then come back and respond, god, I thank you that there's so much wisdom in that. And so Lord, I pray that you would remind us the value in the pause before the response. Lord, I just thank you for your word and it's in your name we pray. Amen.

Announcements:

Dailyaudiobible.com is our website. That is a place of connection, so be sure to check that out. You can also go to facebook.comdailyauudiobiblechronological. That's another great place to see what's happening here in the community and other people ask for prayer in there or have deeper thoughts about Scripture and to process it and talk about it there. So you can do so you can go to that page and click like and be a part of the community that's happening through there. And if you have prayer requests and things that we as a community can come alongside of you and and encourage you, pray over you, you can call it 800-583-2164. And that is all for today. I'm China. I love you. I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer Line:

Good morning DABC. This is TN and NC. First time I'm calling this year. Just like everyone else calling in. Thousands of us have been welcoming all the new members on the DAB and the DABC just want to say you've come to an awesome ministry. It's not just a podcast, it is a ministry. And you hopefully will remain a part of our family because we love all of you. We want to hear your prayers and we do pray for everyone. I just heard Tony and suffix call and I've been meaning to let you know that I had posted on Facebook DABC praying for someone else. And someone responded to me thinking I was you because my name is Tanya also. And of course, you know on Facebook you got your full name. But in any event, please know that I and many others are praying for you, praying for your family also. Heard you ask for a special prayer for Cameron. Certainly pray for all of your family and all of our children and grandchildren who are in college because I have three. Praise God. We've heard a lot of heart wrenching prayers already this year with a lot of circumstances that just aren't to the best. But then all of a sudden we get to hear from God, small and Peter, which gives us a kiss kiss and a lightness within the prayers. God bless all of you. Stick with this. Remember, you are to pursue God. As long as you have breath, you will never arrive, but you will always be able to learn and grow. God bless each and every one of you and you will hear from me again. I think this is my fifth year coming up in April. So to God be the glory for that and certainly for all of you. Thanks, Brian, Jill, China. Love you madly. Amen.

Good morning, DABC. This is Tonya calling from Suffolk. Today is Sunday, January 22. I just want to give you guys an update on my son Cameron finances for school. I was asking for prayer. He attends Norfolk State University down here in Norfolk, Virginia. And I'm just going to say God is great, he is greatly seen. Praise. All things have been worked out for the glory of God. My son finances has been taken care of for this semester. Even his housing is just covered 100%. So once again, I just wanted to give you guys an update and I had no doubt that God would not do exactly what he said he would do. And once again, as trust and believer in just going forward his rest of the years while he's in college that God has already opened up doors, he will be overflowed with abundance finances to allow him to continue his studies in school. And I just want to let you guys know he is going for psychology, he wants to be a counselor and also he's working on his bachelor's right now. When that's complete, he wants to pursue his masters. So once again, I thank you guys so much for the prayers and I just love you all. Just continue being covered. You guys have a wonderful day.

Hey DAB family, I am begging you to stand with me in prayer. I have recently become aware that my good friend, I'm going to call her Taylor, has been a victim of sex trafficking. And the more I learn, the bigger and more horrific it all becomes. This is apparently human trafficking prevention month and yet I have never heard a single mention of it anywhere. So I'm asking the DAB community to please, please pray against this evil. Pray for deliverance, pray for safety, for protection. I know what's going on in my community. Most people are completely unaware and yet it's just horrible. So pray for spiritual freedom, pray for protection, pray for changed hearts and please pray for my friend and for me. Thanks.

Hi. DABC family. This is Sarah. I've been a part of this community since China started it. I think this is the 6th year, if I'm counting right. And I really loved the mother daughter tag team the last year. And no all enjoy it again. I don't call in hardly ever, but I am indeed prayer and intervention. My husband and I have known each other for nine and a half years and been married for just over six. He battled bipolar and depression and it was something that, before I met him, I had never experienced firsthand in this way. Not firsthand through him. For the most part. It had been pretty even keel, pretty easy. There were moments here and there over the time, but not bad. But the last six months have been a true challenge for him and in turn for me. Just not knowing what to do, how to do it, what to say, when to say it, how to say it. Anytime we try to discuss it, I just ask questions out of I don't understand and it turns into a fight. He's trying to work on getting different medications because whatever he's been taking is not working. His anxiety is through the roof, which is making me extremely anxious as well. And we just need prayer. We have to go to his daughter's wedding in Australia in two weeks and both of us are on edge about the thought of that. Please pray for us, family. Thank you.

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cinnamonest · 3 years

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Kaeya is really touchy with his darling, right? So then,, what are the other Yan’s love languages?

NICE I love the love languages stuff! Sorry this was from April but I'm finally getting to it! Usually the two are similar, but sometimes people have different ways of expressing love versus how they want to receive it, so I'll elaborate on that as well. Enjoy my rareish semi-fluffy stuff, boys and which of the 5 love languages they are :3 Kazuha - quality time

Honestly, he's a simple boy. All he really needs to be happy and feel mutual love is sit with you close to him, arms wrapped around you, preferably with you returning the gesture. He has a lot of feelings and fears for the future, lots of emotions all bottled up, so someone to listen to him means a lot. Taking the time to listen to all he has to say makes him sheepish and embarrassed even, but as long as you assure him it's ok, he'll keep coming back for more of your listening ears.

Also, he likes to go on walks. These can be talking or not, sometimes he just likes walking in silence. Either way, accompanying him on said walks is a way to endear yourself to him and show him you love him. Sometimes it's just silently walking down beaches or pathways or in circles around the ship deck, sometimes it's him venting, sometimes it's him gushing about this or that... either way, basically providing him with an outlet for his emotions and spending time with him is what matters.

Zhongli - gifts, quality time

Sugar daddy

But in all seriousness he's big on spoiling a darling. I mean let's be real it's probably someone else's money OR this is in an era where he could just make some, so he will literally get you anything you could ask for, hell, anything he sees you looking at, tons of things you have no use for but he just likes the way your eyes light up all the same. It makes you happy, and that's what love is about, right? Wanting to make people you love happy.

However, for himself, it's a quality time thing, similar to Kazuha's where it's a lot of listening. He has a lot to say sometimes and can get to rambling about details of this or that thing he somehow manages to be an expert on, and while he usually catches himself early on, sometimes he can REALLY go on a while. He knows you don't have any clue what he's talking about, and probably don't really care, but if you sudden bring up a detail that shows you were listening -- it makes him feel oddly warm inside, like you actually think what he talks about is important and care about it. It makes him chuckle a bit, pat your head. He tells you if you're bored you don't have to listen.... so if you insist on doing so anyway, well, that just makes him feel even better inside, oddly validated in a way.

Kaeya - words of affirmation, touch

Is sex a love language?

But in all seriousness, yes as per the opening of the ask, he's very touchy. By 'touch' in this case, that... does translate to sex about 90% of the time. Can you blame him?? It's because he loves you! If he didn't love you he wouldn't wanna get his dick in you so bad! It's love that makes him so handsy and touchy, always rubbing you and running the edges of his fingers under your shirts and skirts and shorts even in public, hands wrapping around your waist and hips, sneaking fondles here and there... and it's out of love that you get railed all the time. His peak happiness is just being balls deep inside you, bodies pressed up against each other, moving slow and gentle and gradually building up... and he wants you to feel like that's love, too. To be honest he gets genuinely sad if you don't see it that way, or if you don't understand it as an expression of love. It seems so natural and innate that being pressed up close together should invoke feelings of love, right?

As for how he understands love as a recipient, well, pretty much the same thing, any sign of eagerness or willingness or especially initiative to fuck sets his brain off. But also, he's weak to any attempts to boost his ego. Say anything positive about him and he'll get excited and let it go to his head, particularly if your words of choice make him feel strong or powerful or capable.

Also speaking of touch, surprisingly big on handholding, especially in public. Sure part of it is a "signaling to others to back off" sort of thing, but he just likes the warmth of your hand as well.

Diluc - touch

It might be a bit surprising, given the stoic nature but... just give this man a hug. Please.

Being inside you is very very nice of course, but he's also notably a cuddly person when you get past the rough exterior. He likes to just sit you in his lap and hold you, spoon you in bed at night, etc.

And as for giving, he doesn't really have knowledge of how to go about other things. He's not good with words at all, he doesn't really know what gifts to get, and despite his affection he's not really submissive enough of a person to go about acts of service, and he's very busy, so while he might get quality time, it's not too often. In the end he doesn't really know how to do anything else, so if he really wants to express affection, the only way he can really think of is just wrapping his arms around you and squeezing. Sometimes a little too hard, like sir I'm asphyxiating please

Also it takes him a while to work up to it. At first he's just too nervous and can barely touch you without retracting his hand back out of nervousness, but he gets used to it.

Razor - quality time, touch

The others are kind of foreign concepts, really. But touch and time is how his kind bond! It's what he's used to. Nuzzling his face into your shoulders and neck and wrapping arms around you and holding you tight. He will often just cling to you physically in some way, holding your wrist in his hand or reaching out to embrace you at random. Of course, sex is a part of it, gotta have that too, it means love to him because he gets the urge whenever he thinks about loving you! And not gonna lie, he tries to remember you don't really like it but, he'll lick you every now and then too. It just comes naturally because he gets excited 'cause he loves you so much!! Lick lick.

Quality time comes in many forms. Every second is quality time in its own way, but especially naps in the sun and walks through the woods. Fun fact: wolf mates go on little "walks" together occasionally, breaking off from the rest of the pack to get alone time. It's fun! You can run through the woods with him! The naps combine the two expressions of touch and time, getting to spend lots of quiet, valuable time, all while snuggled up close. It's nice.

He doesn't really understand if you try to communicate love otherwise, but he'll kind of grasp that it's nice. But really, in the end he wants touch and time too. It's the only form he really understands. The rest just leave him a bit "??" But a nuzzle and a nap in the sun are things he understands perfectly.

Xingqiu - gifts, words of affirmation

The first is more how he shows, the second how he receives. It's a rather selfish form of love, really, because it benefits him as well and it's not exactly difficult. He doesn't have to put a lot of work into gifting, since he can pretty much get anything he asks for out of his father, and even if he says no to something, well, father won't notice a few hundred thousand mora gone from the stash of money kept in his bedroom, right? And he loves giving you gifts because of your reaction! You smile and say thank you and it makes him feel all warm and fuzzy inside... and he likes to think that maybe you feel indebted to him, maybe you're awed and impressed by how he manages to find you such expensive and rare things, maybe it makes you look up to him and see him as superior a bit. Hopefully.

However, because he's got so much wealth already, so gifts don't really do much for him. He responds well to praise, though, especially if you compliment him on the things he cares about, like his sword skills, his writing, his vigilantism. Make him feel like the protagonist he is inside his head, and he'll be beaming with pride and happiness, it makes him feel important, which translates to feeling loved.

Chongyun - quality time, acts of service

In particular, he likes to have you around when he's training. You don't have to train yourself, just be by his side. It makes him more motivated, so he's noticed. Not to mention, he likes showing off if possible to impress you.

Also, he likes having someone to vent to. He's a sweet boy, but he has his stressors and frustrations. He's used to strict self-discipline and normally refrains from talking about his feelings too much, but if you make him feel like your presence is a safe place for him to come to, he will end up almost becoming dependent on getting to emotionally unload on you every day, recalling all the details of every bad thing that happened and waiting for your soft comfort.

Here, "acts of service" is more like... consideration. Little moments where he's reminded you remember his needs and care about them. You make food and note that you made it especially free of anything hot, just for him! Or you make his little popsicles when he forgets, you help him deal with the damage and destruction of his most recent episode. Little acts like that make him feel appreciated, loved and cared for.

Childe - acts of service

Similar to Kaeya and touch, acts of service is... yeah it's basically sex. It falls more into the category of acts of service because it's a little different in nature from Kaeya's -- he loves normal sex of course, and cuddles are nice too, but in his mind really loving him is about taking initiative and doing things to him... in other words, to translate that in simple terms... blow him. Please. It would make him the happiest man in the world. Or ride him. Just anything that feels like you taking some initiative and making him feel wanted. ...And making him feel worshipped is nice too, getting you down on your knees in front of him or any act of service and submission gives him a sort of high from the ego boost and masculine validation.

And he's similar with how he expresses it himself. Most likely candidate to eat you out against your will. One infuriating and potentially humiliating thing about him is he's one of the most insistent to ensure you cum every single time, if you don't cum from him fucking you he'll just force your legs open and eat you out or shove his fingers into you until you do. Because he loves you and orgasms equate to love in his mind.

Venti - acts of service, words of affirmation, gifts

It's more on the giving end for him -- specifically, he can be a very sappy individual when he's in love, to a point it's nauseating to the people around you, really. But he spends a lot of time writing you poems and songs. To him, song is one of the utmost powerful expressions of love. It sort of combines the service and words -- the writing itself is a labor of love, but the words are filled with praises. He genuinely spends a lot of time on it, though, and it's really important to him that you like the things he makes and plays for you, and will continuously modify his next pieces to what he perceives as your taste. He's a bit of a perfectionist on stuff like that.

Venti is actually rather shy when it comes to receiving love. He tends to be very no, you don't have to do that for me! And things like gifts can make him feel a bit guilty, so... you just have to give him stuff he likes so much he's too busy indulging to feel guilt. Namely alcohol. He gets a bit red in the face, but, deep down he likes words of affirmation and compliments too, even the lightest of sweet words he'll replay in his head over and over for days after you say them.

Bennett - acts of service

One of the quickest ways to endear yourself to him is the simple act of helping him. This can manifest in several ways, such as healing his wounds when he's all scraped up or just come back from an adventure, helping him patch up his clothes that get ripped so much, helping him find some thing he lost in the woods yet again, or following him on one of said adventures. People don't really have him in mind too often, he tends to get forgotten a lot and left to handle things all on his own, and as a result, someone who reaches out to help him has a significant impact on him, he finds himself unable to stop thinking about it and the warm feeling it gives him to know that someone cares.

As a result, he starts basically mimicking the same behaviors because it's all he really knows how to do. He wants to give you the same warm happiness that you give him, so he tries to help you out with the things you need, complete tasks he knows would be helpful to you. Unfortunately for him, this tends to backfire as something usually goes wrong and it turns into a mess that he fears will just make you hate him. Poor baby.

Albedo - quality time

He's one of those people that really loves to just spend time in the presence of the people he loves -- you don't have to be doing something together, or the same thing. Even if you're just reading a book or drawing or something on your own, he likes you to be nearby him. It's kinda cute how if you go wandering off or go into another room, he'll wait a minute, then silently kinda come peeking around the corner to check on you because?? Why did you leave? Did he do something to upset you? He's too proud to explicitly ask you to come back, but he might blatantly follow you to the room you're in, claiming it's just better lighting in here, or the other room was too cold, or some other excuse.

He still likes doing things with you, though, too. Another favorite is late night conversations, the kind you get into once you're already laying in bed in the dark, pressed against each other and mumbling little thoughts that occur to you before you drift off to sleep, questions about tomorrow, or a hey remind me to do this or that, that sort of thing. Little conversations you never really finish, your voices get softer and sleepier with each moment, you eventually close your eyes as you talk back and forth, until one of you eventually doesn't get a response, and then drifts off themselves.... and in the morning neither of you remember who was the last person to speak or what the conversation was even about in the end.

Xiao - touch

He just doesn't... get much else. Words are hard. He doesn't know whether this or that gift or gesture is considered appropriate to present to a human as sign of love, and those kinds of things, words and gifts and stuff, embarrass him too much... and he doesn't every really know whether or not he's correct when interpreting your actions and words either. How does he know the gift isn't just because you wanted to be nice, or that the nice things you said were just meant mildly, and he's just indulging in wishful thinking when he thinks it means more? Ugh. It's too troublesome to have to deal with.

But touch... it's straightforward and easy and impossible to misunderstand. And it's also objectively the best, he thinks, even without the issues in understanding it's just what he feels the most natural urge towards. Why would anyone do any differently? Why do humans waste their time giving each other gifts and compliments and stuff when they could just do the thing that feels so much better than that other stuff? It confuses him. He doesn't want material goods, he just wants to cuddle you and put his dick in you. Yeah it... also translates to sex here, similar to Kaeya. Like, he likes it when you kiss his forehead and snuggle up close, but those things will inevitably result in wanting more. And he loves the rests you two take, half-asleep soundly wrapped up and bodies pressed close, spooning with his arms latched onto you. It's just that said rests/naps are almost always very much naked due to being after cumming in you a few times.

Scaramouche - acts of service, words of affirmation, touch

I mean, you're kinda forced into the acts of service thing, but the idea is that you start to perform said acts willingly, or without needing to be commanded. Eventually you get to where you do things on your own initiative, and he likes to think maybe you just want to (and not because you've been beaten into doing it so many times it's become instinctive, definitely not that). A lot of it is just tasks, but similar to Childe's acts of service, it's definitely a sex thing too, wants you to show initiative and do things on your own -- not that you won't likely get told not to do shit like that without permission, but he still does like it, internally.

Words of praise are similar. Say anything nice about him and he'll probably accuse you of lying or trying to manipulate him/get something, but deep down he kinda thrives on anything positive you have to say or think about him. Not that you'd ever know.

As for how he actually shows love, well... does... he...? Yes actually, primarily it's a touch thing. Not always pleasant touches, but touches. It's similar to how other yans equate different things with love, like Childe sees orgasms as a form of love, to him possession is the utmost expression of "love" in the sense that he perceives it. Possession, to own a thing completely and entirely, to have full power over something... that sort of connection is incredibly intimate, when you think about it. It's a connection on a deep level, it's loving. So anything that expresses possession -- pleasant or unpleasant for you -- is thus an expression of love.

#lena's asks #atml #scheduled post

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phoenixyfriend · 3 years

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Togruta Marking Headcanons (Evolutionary and Epigenetic)

Okay, so the question is:

Do you think togruta markings are purely genetic or partly genetic and partly influenced by the environment?

e.g. a stressful adolescence leads to more complex markings/breakage

This conversation was had in large part on discord with @atagotiak and @dracothulhu.

Striation and Complexity

Now, my take comes entirely from Ahsoka having VERY complicated markings compared to Shaak, but we played around with it and had a lot of fun tangling out some headcanons that aren't really supported by canon, but aren't voided by it either. Also it makes time travel fun.

(Shaak Ti looks at time traveled Ahsoka and goes "Oh dear. You okay, honey?" The answer is always No.)

(This is actually EXACTLY why I was hoping there's a combined genetic/environmental factor, so any given time-travel Ahsoka has a different pattern, to some degree, from her younger self so that they can say "IDK, maybe we're cousins?" instead getting side-eyed for having Identical Marks.)

(Happy AU Ahsoka ends up with smooth rings instead of what almost looks like blue veins in marble? It would also probably make time-traveling Ahsoka’s bad future story seem a lot more real.)

Reference image:

So like these three with their clean lines and stuff probably grew up ok, as much as their lives suck now.

Some of the complexity of the markings is definitely genetic, especially with face markings. 14 yo Ahsoka has some significant complexity there already, and while she’s got early childhood trauma from that one time she was kidnapped, she otherwise seems to have been fairly happy and healthy as a child in the Temple.

On the other hand, her lekku markings do go from fairly smooth and even to really jagged looking.

My thoughts are that facial striation is indicative of stressors in childhood, adolescence, and early adulthood, but Montral/Lekku striation indicative of adulthood stressors (and maybe some late teens).

The adult/child distinction in striation is imo because their faces mostly stop growing after they hit adulthood, but there's more growth in the montrals and lekku.

So Shaak has a lot of striation on her montrals because adult Jedi Masters, with field work on the regular, encounter a lot of stressful situations (more dangerous missions, raising a padawan). But her childhood and adolescence, while occasionally adrenaline-heavy on missions with her Master, were usually no more stressful than one would get with, say, hunting lessons on Shili, so her markings end up very simple and blocky on her face and more detailed on her montrals and lekku.

If if we assume that the Montral tips are the later stressors showing, then it’s plausible Shaak Ti’s got a lot of little markings partly because of the stress of being a council member. Sure it’s not life threatening but the stress of a high-pressure administrative position is still stress.

(And the three ladies here probably start getting a little more fragmentation in the years after the Zygerria arc, assuming they survived.)

It doesn’t look like a lot, compared to Ahsoka at least, but there’s a moderate amount.

Between the beskar and the complex facial markings and lekku striations, I feel like other Togruta tend to give Ahsoka a lot of respect as a warrior.

Doesn't matter that she isn't wearing Akul teeth! Whatever! She clearly knows her shit!

It could be a byproduct of evolving as a communal species. Like yes, striation is good for hiding when you hunt, but seeing complex patterns on a child's face can indicate an unhealthy home life or otherwise invisible medical problems. In that context, Togruta in general watch out for complex facial patterns as a sign of child abuse.

(Obviously not foolproof but it seems like a reasonable option.)

A more stressful childhood could be indicative of low food security, and then evolution led to the marking complexity to make hunting easier in response. Tddlers and babies with early complexity might have had mothers with food insecurity or high adrenaline levels in pregnancy, too. It’d be difficult to pinpoint a specific pressure that caused it, but there’s definitely a lot of reasons it was advantageous to keep in the gene pool.

(Baby Anakin didn't know a lot of togruta growing up but I imagine most of them were heavily striated, so in those time-travel AUs, he doesn't understand the big deal with Fulcrum's markings until someone explains...)

(Slaves had stressful lives all around, and slavers liked it when togruta girls had complicated markings, they were considered Prettier, so this... worked out for them and Nobody Else.)

(If he noticed that other Togruta he’s seen since, like Shaak Ti or other Jedi or some civilians he’s met, seem to have less striation he maybe just assumed it was genetics and didn’t question it further?)

Montral Shape and Lekku Length

Another interesting thing is just the massive variation in montral shape.

My guess, personally, is that it's regional evolution. Did your ancestors live in an area with lots of trees, or was it more canyons, or maybe grasslands? It was an evolutionary reaction to how sound bounced around in your area.

In regards to lekku, even ignoring the live action stuff, Rebels Ahsoka has smaller lekku than Shaak Ti does. And some of that could be partly random chance and partly because Shaak Ti of age, but some people also think it’s partly malnutrition. I've personally been assuming it's just age and genetics, but...

We do see a significant lekku length disparity by gender, like these images:

To which I suggest:

...trans Ahsoka, whose lekku started growing out a little late because that's when she started estrogen (or the Togruta equivalent). There are a few male togruta with long lekku, but it seems pretty common for them to have short ones, so maybe they're transmasc.

#togruta #Ahsoka Tano #Shaak Ti #screen analysis #character analysis #evolution #epigenetics #headcanons #Phoenix Posts #star wars #the clone wars #I'm not married to any particular trans headcanons but I think it's a fun option here #child abuse mention

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gguksgalaxy · 4 years

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Stranded | JJK | E2L

Jungkook’s offer to help you study for your exam is unwelcome. His entire presence is unwelcome. You don’t want help from the guy who passes all his classes without even trying. It��s annoying — he is annoying. From the way he grins whenever he catches you staring at him, to the way his eyes shine whenever he smiles at you. Oh, and let’s not forget the way his tattoos shift when he stretches or the way his jawline sharpens when he’s focused. Nope, you definitely can’t stand him.

›› AU: Enemies to lovers, fuck/badboy!Jungkook ›› Genre: Fluff / Smut / Angst ›› Rating: NC-17 (explicit sexual content, 18+) ›› Pairing: JJK x Reader ›› Word Count: 13k ›› Jungkook Snuggle Drabbles. Warnings Include: A lot of swearing, heavy themes of miscommunication and strong judgements, Jungkook sleeps around a lot, university related stress, brief mention of past underage drinking, emotional and romantic angst, argument, the desecration of a mug. Sexual content: Protected sex, blowjob, cunnilingus, face sitting/riding.

A/N: This one's for you @fallinforkoo I hope that you like it!! This is not something I would usually write but the idea popped up when seeing the request so here she is! A little cliché but I hope it's original enough. Let me know what you guys think!

“As your best friend,” Taehyung says sheepishly over the phone, “I really need you to do me a favour.”

You groan, leaning your head over the edge of the bed. “I don’t like where this is going.”

He hums. He doesn’t even laugh. There’s just a brief silence before he asks you the impossible. “I need you to invite Jungkook for the get-together on Friday.”

“Absolutely fucking not,” you spit. “Taehyung, my best friend, the platonic love of my life. I will do anything for you. Literally anything. I would suck your toes if you asked me, but I won’t do that.”

Now he laughs, loud and deep. It only makes you sulk more. Inviting Jeon Jungkook into your humble abode? To have him walk around with that smug—and delectably gorgeous—grin on his face as he finds something to make fun of? Not over your dead body. Not in a million years.

“Please, do it for me.”

You vigorously shake your head. “I don’t see how I would be doing you a favour by inviting him. You don’t even like him!”

“I mean...I really don’t mind him. But I like Jimin, a lot, and I feel bad for excluding his friend all the time, it’s starting to get weird. Can’t you just invite him over? I promise you won’t have to talk to him.”

Oh, but you do. Because Jungkook always manages to weasel under your skin and get you worked up to a point where you just have to say something. It’s not your fault that he’s such an ass. He just rubs you all the wrong ways. “I am in a constant state of wanting to rip his head off. I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

Jungkook is just so...You really cannot stand him. First of all, he doesn’t study. All he does is party and sleep around with random girls. Yet, he still somehow manages to be at the top of the class. Secondly, he’s a dick. He has no respect for both his elders and you. Any chance he gets he will make fun of you or blatantly insult you. And lastly, he looks too good and he knows it. Walking around campus just basking in the attention from all the girls, and guys, who want him despite his reputation.

Taehyung snorts. “If I were you, I would be more worried that you’re in a constant state of wanting to suck his dick.”

“I’d rather snap his dick in half.” Sometimes you wonder why you’re friends with Taehyung. After all, he’s the one who told Jimin to bring along his friend. Now, you’re regularly exposed to Jeon Jungkook’s incessant flirting with anything that breathes, constant whining about just about everything, and complete lack of personal space. Taehyung had been certain that if you got to know Jungkook outside of class, it would make you more amicable towards each other. However, it’s only made it worse.

“You know, sometimes people lie about something so often that they start to feel like it’s the truth.”

You roll your eyes, sitting up on the bed. It’s noon already. You really should be studying for your Psychology of Law exam. Also known as the course from hell. As a law student, you really can’t make sense of the material. All the mumbling about internal thought processes and stressors has your mind logging off. You’re chapters behind. You don’t even know where to start. Because unlike a certain someone, you actually have to study. Even with all-nighters, thorough summaries, and flashcards, you’ve still managed to fail quite a few classes. The future of your law degree literally balances on this one class. If you fail, you lose your scholarship.

“Are you still with me?” Taehyung asks.

“Yeah, I’m just considering defenestrating myself. Anything better than studying for psych.”

“Even inviting Jungkook?”

“Anything but that.” It’s not like Taehyung is completely wrong. Jungkook looks like a model when he actually decides to groom himself instead of showing up to class in sweats and uncombed hair. You’re way too aware that he works out five days a week. Or that he’s got tats lining his arm, intricate designs that—No. You’re not falling down this hole today.

Taehyung’s typing something up, probably studying for his own exams. “I will let you study then. Just please, invite him over. I will forever be in your debt. Be the better person.”

The sweet lining to Taehyung’s plea actually manages to work for once. He’s your best friend, after all. He would probably do the same thing for you. It’s just not that fun to be around Jungkook when part of you—as much as you may deny it—feels some type of way about him.

“I will consider it.”

“That’s not a no.”

“Don’t make me change it back to a no, Kim.”

He chuckles. “Someday, you will thank me. That day being the one when you finally come to terms with your feelings.”

“Bye, Taehyung,” you grumble, ending the call and throwing the phone down on the duvet.

So yes, maybe you do have a thing for Jungkook. Doesn’t make him any less annoying. If anything, it makes him even more insufferable. Why did you have to develop a weird crush on a guy you can’t even stand? The world doesn’t have to be cruel like that. But here you are. Not that it matters. Jungkook would sleep with just about any girl but you. Which says more about them.

Reluctantly, you get up and grab your books from your desk. Studying is easier in the living room, away from distractions.

Your peace doesn’t last long. Not even halfway through your first coffee, your doorbell rings.

Groaning, you get up and prepare your best ‘no I don’t want to buy whatever you’re selling’ face. Upon unlocking the door, that face falters.

“What the hell are you doing here?” you spit out the moment you see Jungkook’s big doe eyes. He’s standing on your doorstep like he’s supposed to be here. With his backpack nonchalantly slung over one shoulder.

He looks past you, into your apartment. “Oh, you started studying for psych?”

Your living room is a mess. “Well, I was trying to start, but I’ve been rudely interrupted by someone who has no invitation to be here.”

He rolls his eyes. “I’m here to make sure that you don’t fail another class and have to drop out.” Like he owns the place, he pushes past you and waltzes inside. He drops his backpack and readjusts his baseball cap, showing off his forehead and chocolate brown hair. It’s really starting to get long.

“I don’t need your help.” There’s no way he’s here just to help you study. And even if he was, he’s just going to distract you. You’re not friends. He must have some ulterior motive for being here. Jeon Jungkook doesn’t study, let alone help people study. Not to your knowledge at least. “I can manage just fine on my own.”

He grabs his laptop from his bag. “What part of ‘having to drop out if you fail another class’ did you not understand?” He puts the device down and gets comfortable on your couch. As if he’s done it before.

You cross your arms over your chest. “Who told you about that?”

He shrugs. “Jimin mentioned it, he must have it from Taehyung. Does it really matter?”

“Yes, it matters,” you sneer. “I didn’t ask you to be here. I don’t want you to be here. There’s no way I’m going to get anything done with you around. Get the fuck out.” You point a finger at the door, waiting for him to leave. “Do you not hear me?”

“Oh, I heard you. I’m just waiting for you to get over yourself and realise that you actually need my help.”

“I don’t.”

“Can you tell me the difference between compliance and suggestion in the context of a police hearing?” he questions, leaning back and propping his clunky boot-clad feet onto the table.

You press your lips together in a thin line, thinking about a possible answer.

He grins. “Any idea what the Reid Technique is and why it is or isn’t ethical?”

“No,” you grumble.

“You know what the pros and cons are of an Oslo style eyewitness lineup?”

You shake your head, dropping your arms in defeat. He’s got you. You don’t know anything. Maybe you do need his help. As long as he tries to be nice, you can give him the benefit of the doubt. Another year of your degree is definitely worth it.

Jungkook pats the spot on the couch beside him. “Let’s get started, we’ve got a lot of ground to cover if we want to get you a good grade.”

And so you get to work. Jungkook makes himself a little too comfortable in your home. Aside from pulling out his flashcards, multiple summaries and annotated materials, he actually slips into the kitchen to make tea. He raids your pantry for snacks and pulls out your blanket from under the table.

“What?” He says, mouth stuffed with gummy bears while he unfolds the blanket. “I’m sorry, but your apartment is really fucking cold. Since you’re dressed as if you’re going to the North Pole, I assumed the radiator must be broken.”

“It has been almost a week now. My landlord is being an ass about it. Also, I’m wearing normal clothes that normal people wear when it’s cold outside. Unlike you, with your short-sleeves and thin coat.”

“It’s October.”

“It’s nine degrees outside. You’re insane.”

“No,” he says, sitting back down with the blanket around his shoulders. “I’m just hot.”

A reluctant smile pulls at your lips. Why must you betray yourself?

He leans in close, inspecting your face. “I can’t believe I lived to see the day. You actually smiled at one of my jokes.”

If he’s good at one thing, it’s definitely proving that he’s an annoying shit. “I’m laughing at how pathetic you are.”

“At least I’m not the one who tried to hide her smile.”

“And I’m not the one who forced his way into this apartment. I’d watch out, some people might start to think you actually like being around me.” You turn back towards his laptop, scrolling through the document to the next topic. Police hearings.

Jungkook puts his hand down behind you so he can get closer—too close—and look over your shoulder. “Maybe,” he whispers, “I do like spending time with you.”

You whip your head around so fast you nearly knock heads with him. He doesn’t move. Both your noses basically touching. At this proximity you can see all the fine details in his skin. The flecks of lighter brown in his eyes that really do shine. The moles on his nose, the scar on his cheek.

“Nah.” He pulls away. “I’m just messing with you. I still don’t like you.”

What on earth did you do to make him come over here? If he dislikes you so much, he shouldn’t have bothered. You’re not a charity case. “If you’d just let me fail, you wouldn’t have to put up with me again.”

He tuts. “Where’s the fun in that? I’d honestly miss your bad comebacks and petty remarks.”

“Excuse me, my comebacks are not bad?”

“They’re mediocre at best, ma’am,” he laughs, grin showing the fullness of his cheeks that make him look deceptively cute.

You shiver at the thought. He’s a lot of things, but he’s not cute. Yes, he’s probably a good guy deep down, but he’s not cute. Jeon Jungkook is and always will be an annoying, self-entitled, arrogant brat. Nothing is going to change your mind. Not even the way your heart beats faster from just having him so close.

“Don’t ‘ma’am’ me,” you bite.

“I’m not even going to give you any points for that. You didn’t even try!” He makes an exasperated gesture as he grabs another handful of gummies.

‘Childish’ should be added to the list. “Are you here to help me study or not?”

Jungkook nods, sitting cross-legged. “Just so I get to bother you for another year.”

The two of you get back to work. He takes you through a very detailed and too dramatic explanation of the Reid technique. You find yourself captivated by how passionate he seems. He sure does know a lot about the subject.

Jungkook turns out to be a very active talker. He makes very detailed descriptions and uses his hands to explain things. It’s easy to understand him, but it’s way harder to memorise it. As the material gets more complicated, he gets more serious and you start to lose track. His frown deepens, dimple-like creases appearing in his cheek that make him look sharper and older. You can’t help but stare.

He’s so handsome. The tattoos that circle around his left arm shift as he speaks. The same way that his earrings dangle as he moves. You get caught up in him, the way he talks, the passion that rolls off him in waves.

“Are you gawking at me?” He says, stopping his movements mid-air.

Cheeks flushed, you try to come up with a smart reply. “I was thinking whether your head has always looked this big.”

His lips pull into a straight line. “I’m here trying to do my best to explain to you what the difference is between an Oslo confrontation and a sequential lineup, and you’re worried about the size of my fucking head?”

“I mean, it’s awfully big, no?” You poke his forehead.

He grabs your wrist in return, pulling your body towards him. “Can you at least try to appreciate my effort?”

“I’m listening!”

Wetting his lips, he arches an eyebrow. “Explain the difference to me.”

Well, you weren’t listening that intently. “Uh, a sequential lineup has a lower chance of causing false positives.”

“That’s the last sentence I said, you can do better.” He lets go of you so you can lean back. For a second, he actually seems pissed off. Maybe you should try, he’s doing his best after all. It’s just hard when he’s here looking this good.

“Oslo confrontations feature the suspects in a lineup at the same time, whereas a sequential lineup shows them one by one.” That’s all you got.

“Well,” he says, throwing you a gummy from the bag. “You got one point out of five.”

Treat halfway to your mouth, you stop. “One?!”

He nods. “And I’m being generous with you. First of all, you cannot call them suspects, they’re candidates or possible suspects. There’s usually only one suspect and the rest are actors who look like the suspect. You also missed the part where, during the sequential lineup, the witness doesn’t get to see all the suspects. Once they pick the one they think is the perpetrator, they will not get to see the additional candidates.” Why does this sound so hot when he says it?

God, you’re going insane. “Well, I’ll try to remember that and the seven-hundred other things you said. All the blabbering you do makes it really hard.” It comes out harsher than you intended. From the way Jungkook stays silent, you know it must’ve hit home.

He gets up, making your heart sink. “I think it’s time for a break. You’re getting frustrated. Do you want to order pizza?”

“I don’t recall asking you to stay over for dinner.”

Jungkook takes a long, deep breath, closing his eyes. You can feel the anger build up. “Listen, I’m here to help you. The least you can do is fucking appreciate it. Be stubborn all you want, but you need this. You want a shot at this degree. I’m here, because as much as I can’t stand you, I won’t enjoy watching you get kicked off the entire program because you’re struggling with the material.” There’s a heavy pause. You let his words sink in. The level of concern is surprising. It’s sweet. “So do you want to order pizza or not? Because I’m starving.”

You nod. “Pizza sounds good.”

The tension ebs away after that. Jungkook goes into the kitchen and comes back with a mug filled with milk, of all things. You bite your tongue.

“I want pineapple on my pizza,” he says.

Pausing, you raise your eyebrows. “You cannot be serious.”

“Depends. How much do you hate pineapple?” His shit eating grin returned like it was never gone. It gives him away.

Narrowing your eyes at him, you speak; “So, double pineapple for you?”

Suddenly, his face falters. “Whoa, you can’t actually do that to me.”

“You’re the one who said he likes pineapple!”

“It was a joke. No person in their right mind would put fruit on their pizza.” He sits next to you, taking another sip of his milk. “I’m really not picky though, but the one with the jalapenos is good. Or the chili chicken.” Jungkook scoots closer so he can scroll through the menu on your phone, hand brushing against yours.

This way, you get a clear view of the rose tattoo on his hand. It’s beautiful, detailed but still in a traditional style. It suits him, as do his other tattoos. Though this one has always stood out to you.

“I’m just going to get pepperoni,” you say after a while.

Jungkook sighs, then turns his head to whisper in your ear; “Boring.”

Startled, you shove him so hard he falls onto his back. “Don’t be such a child. I’m not going to make you eat it.”

When he sits back up, his shirt rises and reveals the edge of a narrow, toned waist. You look away, focusing on actually ordering the pizza. Jungkook really doesn’t have to be so casually attractive. He’s not even trying and you can’t keep your eyes off him, noticing something new every minute. A good reason to not spend any more time with him after this.

“Gimme.” He plucks your phone out of your hands so he can order his own pizza. With the utmost concentration, he scrolls and types in some things. No doubt using your pre-set credit card to pay for it. “Wait,” he says, sitting up straight. “Whoa, you’re friends with Yoongi? As in Min Yoongi? The guy who won this year’s mock court?”

Gasping, you dart over to grab the phone from him. “Don’t go through my messages!” With one hand on your chest, he manages to keep the device out of your reach. “Jungkook!”

His eyes move over the screen, reading your messages with the third year law student. “Why didn’t you just ask him for help, huh? He seems to like you, and that’s something. I don’t think Yoongi likes anybody.”

You try harder to grab your phone from his hands. It must look insane, your body bent over his, him trying to find ways to hold you off and keep the phone out of your reach. Somehow, you end up squashed between his—way too strong—thighs.

“Jungkook give me my phone back!” you whine.

Something on the screen makes him raise his eyebrows. “Are you two like—you know? Cuz I’ve heard some stuff and—”

You shake your head, getting uneasy with the fact that he’s really reading your personal messages. “I don’t like Yoongi like that.”

Jungkook lifts his leg, using his knee to push you back. He’s got way too much strength in his body. “Okay, but I’m not sure that he knows that. He’s not a nice guy, you should steer clear of him.”

“Oh, and you would know how? It’s not like you’re such a gentleman.” Again, you try to jump for your phone, but he stops you in time by grabbing your wrist.

Face serious, he holds your gaze. “I’m not kidding. We run in the same circles. He’s a total asshole, you don’t want to get involved with him. You can do better.”

That sure is a way to silence you. You frown, settling back into your seat as Jungkook keeps scrolling through the chat. “I’m not into him, but he’s been texting me for a while. I was in his group for mock court.” Finally, you get your phone back, but your stomach feels uneasy looking at it. Perhaps Yoongi’s messages are a bit forward.

“I don’t know Yoongi well enough to be able to say for sure, but I know enough to tell you that he doesn’t talk to girls like you because he wants to be friends,” Jungkook says with a hand lingering on your thigh.

Way to make you feel good about yourself, Jeon. “What does that mean, girls like me?”

His face changes, eyes wide.

“What are you trying to say?” you press.

Pinching the bridge of his nose, he leans forward onto his knees. “All I’m saying is that you don’t deserve to get played by some asshole who’s just trying to get into your pants.”

“Oh.” Is he being for real? He’s looking out for you? This is not how this is supposed to go. Jungkook shouldn’t be nice to you. He shouldn’t be helping you, or care about your wellbeing. He’s a dick and the two of you squabble and yell at each other. Yet, your chest warms at his words. Even if you weren’t looking to get together with Yoongi, it’s good to know he might have alternative motives. “Thank you.”

All he does is nod, before he grabs his laptop to resume where you guys left off. The awkwardness slowly dissipates as he takes you through the entire lineup thing again, just so you’ve got it down. After that you move onto the remaining subjects.

Today sure is strange. You never expected things to be so comfortable with Jungkook. Despite his exasperating personality and your on and off bickering, his presence is pleasant. It doesn’t take long for you to sink into the couch, drinking your third large cup of coffee.

Completely focussed on his monologue, you ask questions very sparingly, enraptured by him. You knew he was smart, he passes his classes with grades of 80% or higher for a reason. However, it’s different to see it in action.

Pizza arrives a little late, much to Jungkook’s dismay. Turns out he’s quite cranky when he gets hungry. He devours his pizza way faster than you can get through half of yours, and he’s quick to inch towards a slice from your box. You smack his hand away, reminding him of how he slandered you for your topping choice. He can have your leftovers from yesterday

“You call this pasta?” he questions in a disgusted tone, crouched down by the fridge

“Take it or starve. Your choice.”

He gets up, nose scrunched. “I’d rather starve, thanks. What exactly do you excel at? Since it’s not school, wit, or cooking.”

“Aim,” you spit, flicking a piece of pepperoni at him. It hits him straight in the cheek and you burst out into a fit of laughter. He stares at you in utter disbelief, removing the greasy piece of meat from his face. Tongue pressed to his cheek, he fights off his own smile—or an insult.

Eventually, he sits back down and goes over the remaining material while you eat. The end comes faster than you expected, his eyes darting to the clock.

“It’s getting late, I should probably go home.”

“What?” You pout. “How can you leave me to my own devices like this?!”

“Because I did what I could. I took you through all the material, now it’s up to you to try and memorise it. I’ve sent you my summaries and I’ll leave my flashcards here.” He grabs his things, meticulously stuffing them back into his backpack. With a heavy heart, you hand him his cap that had fallen to the floor.

Jungkook pushes his hair back, putting his cap on. He looks as nonchalant as he did when he came in. Backpack slung over one shoulder, hand shoved into his pocket. “Good luck. I’ll see you tomorrow morning.”

“Yeah, I guess,” you mumble. “Thanks.”

“I’m glad my presence was enjoyed.”

“Don’t get ahead of yourself, I only endured you because I want to pass.” Part of that is true. Though, he wasn’t as bad to hang out with as you had originally assumed. Maybe it’s because his friends aren’t around to show off to. Or because he genuinely wanted to help. Which is still weird. “Good luck to you too.”

He waves you goodbye, opening up the door, only to be met with a gust of wind. The sound of rain enters your apartment. Water plummets from the sky by the bucket.

“Shit,” Jungkook peers outside, hesitating in the doorway. “If I don’t show up tomorrow morning, please assume that I have drowned.”

You would’ve laughed at the idea of him getting soaking wet any other day. He came here to help you study and now he has to walk home through the rain. No doubt he’s going to catch a cold dressed the way he is. Maybe you should listen to Taehyung and be the better person for once.

Getting up, you pull him back inside by the string of his backpack. “You can’t go out when it’s like that, you’ll get sick.”

He turns with a smile. “As much as I would like to see you squirm a little longer, I need to study too.”

“You study?”

“How else do you think I get good grades? Eat books for breakfast?”

You shrug. “We can study together tonight?”

Stepping closer, Jungkook forces you back inside. Almost nose to nose. Your heart skips a beat when his breath fans over your face. “Is this just a lame excuse from you to spend more time with me?”

“No. But I can only imagine the tragedy that will befall me if you catch a cold because you were out here helping me study.” You poke a finger into his chest. A grave mistake, it’s way firmer than you’d thought. “If I let you stay over, you no longer owe me one.”

“I’m sorry, but it really sounds like you just want me to stay.” Jungkook inches closer, backing you against the couch.

You open your mouth to say something when your phone rings. Looking over to where it lies on the couch, you see Taehyung’s name displayed. He can wait. You glance back up at Jungkook, who’s nearly chest to chest with you, and also has his eyes locked on the phone.

Then, he grins.

You act fast, snatching the phone from the couch and declining the call before he even gets a chance to touch it. Taehyung really doesn’t need to know that Jungkook is here.

Jungkook himself, however, picks up on this. He chuckles lightly, arching his eyebrow. “Are you trying to hide the fact that I’m here?’”

“I wouldn’t say I was trying to hide it, but I really don’t need my friends to think I’m hanging out with you.”

Jungkook drops his bag in the chair again, curious glint in his eyes. “And why is that?”

“Because,” you start, crossing your arms over your chest. “I don’t want to be associated with the likes of you.”

“What am I now? A villain?”

“No, you’re a stuck up fuckboy who does nothing but party and sleep with random girls and yet somehow still manages to pass all his classes. You’re annoying, egotistical, insufferable, pushy, invasive and disrespectful.” You let out a deep breath. Yeah, maybe Jungkook’s been nice to you today, but he hasn’t changed.

He rolls his eyes. “Well then. I’ll have you know that you are nothing more than an average, boring girl struggling to get by. You’re opinionated, crass, entitled, standoffish, a bad listener, impossibly stubborn and a bit of an airhead.” The words leave him as if they mean nothing. “It’s not like I’d want to be associated with the likes of you either. But here I am, stranded because of the storm. So you, my dear, are stuck with me tonight. You did offer for me to stay over, after all.”

“Whatever,” you breathe, “let’s just try to study.”

The two of you return to your previous position on the couch, but now, he faces you. With the flashcards in hand, Jungkook reaches into his bag and pulls out a container filled with Maltesers.

The rules are simple. You take turns asking each other questions. If you get it right, you get a chocolate, you get it wrong the person who asked the question gets a chocolate. Easy enough, right? Now that you feel a bit more steady with the material, you should be able to answer some questions correctly. Even if it’s just to rob Jungkook of the satisfaction of eating the entire thing on his own.

Two questions in and the bickering starts. Jungkook’s whining because he’s cold and you can’t turn up the radiator. But since he was the one to leave the door open, it’s his fault that it’s so cold in here to begin with. You’ve long hogged the blanket for yourself and you don’t intend on sharing it. It’s the only barrier that’s keeping you from touching his feet.

“Please,” he pouts. “I’m so cold, you can’t let me freeze to death in this fucking igloo.”

You pull the blanket closer. “No. It’s mine.”

He whines. “Come on, it’s big enough for both of us. It’ll be warmer if we share.”

“No.”

“You do realise I could just take it from you by force.”

“You would not.”

He sits up straighter, putting a hand on the edge of the fabric. “I’m giving you the option now. Either you share, or I’m pulling it from your cold, grabby hands. If you’re just afraid to snuggle with me, you can just say so.”

In order to not admit defeat, you give up half of the blanket so he can shove his legs under it. He extends his legs way past his side of the couch, his feet touching your lower back. You have no choice but to fold one of your legs over his, the other extended by his side. Indeed, it’s warmer this way.

“Now, where were we?” He flips to his next card. “Ah, yes. Weapon focus effect.”

That one you remember clearly. “It’s when a witness’ attention was so focused on the weapon present at the incident that they fail to remember any significant details about the perpetrator. It’s an involuntary process that often leads to inaccurate descriptions of the attackers.” You definitely got that one, no doubt. It’s easy.

Jungkook throws you a chocolate. “Good job, you’re doing well. It seems you listened to what I had to say after all.”

“I mean,” you say, popping the chocolate into your mouth. “I didn’t have that much of a choice but to listen, now did I?”

“You were visually undressing me the entire time. I had assumed your mind was busy with...other things.” He’s doing it on purpose, trying to get some type of reaction from you. Instead, you just bite your lip, not knowing what to say. “Oh, was I right? Tell me, what were you thinking about.”

You let out a sound, throwing a pillow at him. “I wasn’t thinking anything. And I wasn’t undressing you.”

“No, you were thinking of how big my head was, right? Would it,” he pauses, lifting up the blanket to peer underneath, “fit between your thighs?”

“What is wrong with you!” You scream, hands covering your face that quickly turns red.

He laughs in return. “You’re so easily flustered. I’d almost call it cute.”

Peering through your fingers, you frown. “Almost?”

“Yeah, almost. Not quite, because you’re still you.”

In a surge of confidence, you sit up straight and grab the stack of cards again. Not looking at him as you speak. “How about, instead of imagining what I taste like, you tell me what a flashbulb memory is.”

Inches away from choking on his spit, Jungkook doesn’t manage to come up with a smart retort. He just answers your questions with pursed lips and distant eyes. It’s correct though, so you get to throw him a chocolate. Which of course, he catches with his mouth. Show off.

It goes on for another while, storm raging outside. With the winds turned, you can now clearly hear the pattering against your window. You can’t imagine what Jungkook would’ve done had he been walking through this storm. It’s only getting worse.

Time ticks by fast. Soon, Jungkook is left with one last flashcard in his hands. And you are determined to get that last chocolate. He smirks to himself, probably aware that you don’t know the answer to this. But if anything, you are determined to prove him wrong.

“Tell me,” he trails, “what is the difference between compliance and suggestibility?”

You know this. He’s explained it three times. So you’re confident in your next words. “Compliance is when a witness giving a testimony willingly accepts a suggestion but is aware that the suggestion is wrong. Suggestibility is when they believe that the suggestion is right and thus take it for the truth. Both are problematic, but suggestibility is harder to expose.”

Jungkook tuts. “You got them switched around.”

“Huh?! That can’t be right!”

“Sure is, the last chocolate is mine.”

You snatch the bag away before he can grab it. “I don’t think so. Let me see that card.”

“Are you accusing me of lying?”

“For chocolate? I sure am. Let me see.” You crawl over to his side, squishing yourself between him and the couch. “Jungkook,” you whine when he covers the card with his hand, “let me see. My grade depends on this.”

He chuckles at you. “It does not. I’m confident that you will pass regardless.”

You try to pry the card out of his hand, but it’s no use. The grip he has on the thing is too strong. He manages to hold you down without even breaking a sweat. It’s a few beats before you can realise that you’re now entirely pressed up against him. You can feel the muscles in his thighs shift, the soft skin of his arm against yours

“Let me have the chocolate and I will show you,” he whispers.

Flushed, you stop struggling. “Whatever, I know I’m right.”

Jungkook then reveals the card to you, showing you that you indeed, were right. “I’m glad you’re finally confident in your abilities. That’s the key to passing a test.”

Has he really been testing you this entire time? That’s sure one way to do the trick. Without replying, you sink into his side. Silently enjoying his warmth. It’s comfortable to sit like this, now that it’s night and the apartment continues to get colder. You don’t mind, really. Inhaling slightly, you catch a whiff of his fresh floral scent. It’s mixed with a sharp edge that suits him well.

As Jungkook grabs the stack of cards you got wrong to revise them, you don’t move. The two of you just get comfortable like that. It’s easier to see the cards the way anyhow. You can just look at them together. Plus, you’re starting to feel a little sleepy and don’t want to move. He seems equally as content, just reciting the questions and explaining why you got them wrong.

“Okay so,” you say, pointing at something on the card. “It’s not so much an issue on the witness’ side as it is on the police’s?”

Jungkook nods, looking at you. “They’re the ones leading the witness. It’s not the witness’ fault that they take on their opinion.”

You hum, meeting his gaze. He doesn’t falter, almost as if he’s searching your eyes. “Something wrong?”you ask, voice hushed, goosebumps appearing on the back of your neck. There’s a mole right below his bottom lip which is plump and looks soft. His top lip is more defined, making for a cute pout. The more you look, the more you notice all his moles. On his nostril, his cheek, his ear.

“No,” he answers eventually. Voice strained. “I think you have a pimple growing between your brows.”

“Get lost!” You shove your elbow into his side, pulling a pained groan from him. “You’re so stupid.”

For a moment he’s quiet, just rubbing his side and shifting so he can get more comfortable. One of his legs falls off the couch, the other still between yours. “You really hate me, huh?”

At any other given moment, you would’ve replied with yes. But now, it’s laden. Is he asking you that seriously? It’s one thing to tell Taehyung you can’t stand him, or to yell it in his face when he’s being a brat, but you can’t literally say it to him like this. Why, you don’t really know. The expectant look makes your stomach tighten.

“Why are you saying it like that?”

He shrugs. “No reason in particular. Just because,” he gestures at your bodies, “it doesn’t seem like you mind being around me that much. If anything I’d say that,” he stops, leaning in close to your ear. You can feel the barely-there graze of his lips. “You like being around me.”

You bite your tongue, looking up to find his eyes darker than before. Cocking his head to the side, he awaits your answer. You’re not willing to give him the satisfaction. There’s no need to stroke his already big ego any more. Yes, this is more pleasant than you’d expected. Yes, he’s nice to be around. But... “You’re still a pain in the ass. Sorry.” With that, you had expected him to look away, but he doesn’t. His eyes flicker down to your lips, and back up to your eyes.

“So are you,” he teases, lips stretching into a lopsided grin.

Within a heartbeat, your lips are touching. Jungkook groans. You gasp, pulling him closer. Closed eyes, your heart beats a million miles an hour, revelling in the feeling of his mouth against yours. How soft his lips are. The trailing of his fingertips up your neck so he can crane your head back.

He comes to life, parting with a brief look into your eyes and a deep breath. Then, diving in full force. Jungkook kisses you like he’s been waiting to—like he’s hungry for it. You can barely believe that it’s happening, still trying to register that he’s actually kissing you. That it feels this good.

Your entire body kicks into gear when he bites at your bottom lip. Shifting your body to face his, you wrap a hand around the back of his neck. Returning his fervor, your mouths part and tongues meet in a desperate clash. Jungkook lets out a deep, guttural sound that makes you shiver. He’s skilled, tongue swiping over yours in a way that you can barely keep up with. Deliciously hot, just edging on sloppy. There’s no room for pauses, no time for thoughts.

Gaining purchase against the armrest, you swing a leg over his to sit in his lap. Jungkook’s leaning back still, pawing at your waist now that he’s got full access. You take full advantage of the position, crashing into him and devouring him. Biting at his lips, sucking his tongue into your mouth. The feeling is nearly euphoric paired with the rough, firm touches of his hands all over your body.

He touches anything he can find. Gripping onto your thighs and ass, slipping under your tank top and sweater to graze the skin on your back. Sparks erupt everywhere.

Mid-kiss, he sits up. Twisting so he can firmly plant both his feet on the found. It’s the angle he needs to pull you right against him. Your hips make contact and you moan. He’s not quite hard but he’s certainly getting there and the thought makes your head spin.

“Fuck,” you gasp, breaking away for air while he grids his hips up into yours. “Jungkook—”

“No talking,” he mouths against your jawline. “More kissing,” his voice is so raspy that it’s barely recognisable. Almost a growl.

You push his cap off. Grabbing his face with both hands and kissing him firmly. Angling his head back the same way he had done to you. Kissing him is way better than you could’ve ever imagined. He’s rougher, stronger, harder against your body. You need more.

Slipping your hands under his shoulder, you lift it. Tracing the hard lines of his chest, feeling how he jumps under your touch. It empowers you, makes you bolder. Your fingers reach a pert nipple, brushing over it only to hear him moan in the back of his throat. God, he keeps on getting better and better. Sensitive it seems, as you roll the bud between your fingers. His hips buck up into yours. Fully hard at this point, he must start to get uncomfortable in those jeans.

Jungkook’s resolve with kissing you slows, needing air. He breaks away with a smirk, cheeks flushed and panting. Holding your gaze steady, he pulls his shirt over his head in one smooth motion. Revealing planes of unmarred skin and tattoos you had yet to discover.

You take no shame in staring, reaching out to trace the dream catcher on his shoulder. Moving along the lines of thread and feathers that reach his elbow.

“Like what you see?” he whispers, pushing you closer with a hand on your lower back just so he can kiss your neck. You shiver, legs spreading. Leaning your head back to give him enough room to mark you up. The thought alone makes you whimper. “What’s that?” he mumbles, licking a hot stripe up your throat.

Fingers digging into his shoulders, you grind down onto him. He moans in response. “Stop being so smug.”

Jungkook throws his head back, looking at you through his lashes as you gyrate your hips more firmly. His body on full display. “I don’t know, it seems like you’re into it.”

“For fucks sake, shut up and kiss me.”

He listens, capturing your mouth with his. Everything moves fast after that. Between tongues and mouths clashing, Jungkook rids you of your sweater. He kisses down your neck and throat, leaving marks and enjoying the way that you quiver for him. You’re soaking through your leggings at this point. Jungkook’s doing no better.

When he pulls away, you take the opportunity to kiss down his neck, collarbones and chest. To get off his lap and kneel between his legs. His eyes widen as you do so. A hand immediately comes up to push your hair aside, tipping your chin upwards. When he traces his thumb over your mouth, you part your lips and swirl your tongue around the digit and bite down, making him hiss.

Spreading his legs to accomodate you, he relaxes against the cushions. Just like little pricks on the edge of your consciousness, you feel the nerves. You question your skills when you undo his jeans and pull them down his legs. Yet, the hazy look in his eyes tells you that he’s going to like this no matter what. He all but arches into you when you palm him through his underwear. Rock hard and leaking through the fabric, you don’t want to wait any longer to finally get your mouth on him. To hear him moan for you.

So you reach past his waistband, foregoing any teasing and pull the fabric down. His cock slaps up against his stomach, making him hiss again. The sight is gorgeous. Jungkook with his head thrown back, hair a mess, chest heaving and flushed even though you’ve barely touched him. It’s satisfying to know you did that to him.

You sit down on your knees, holding him in one hand and go slow. Mouthing at him first, giving him just a taste of what’s to come. He doesn’t hold back for you, reddened lips parting with all the noises he lets out. When you take the tip into your mouth, he jolts—groans and reaches to anchor himself on your shoulder. You have one hand on his thigh, the other around the base. That way, you steady yourself when you sink down on him.

“Don’t—Fuck, keep going.” A gentle hand winds into your hair, guiding you further onto his cock. You’re not usually one to do this but, seeing him feel this good spurs you on. It makes you want to take all of him. You don’t stop when he hits the back of your throat, gag reflex kicking in. He moans at the feeling, so you try to swallow. “Shit, fuck, don’t do that. Your mouth,” he pants, “so good.”

Feeling his grip loosen, you pull up, taking a deep breath when you let him out of your mouth. Spit dribbles from your mouth to the head, tears sting at the corners of your eyes. You look up, giving him the full vision, and you don’t look away when you sink down again.

You’re so wet. Core aching but unable to find any sort of relief. You end up trying to grind your hips without any payoff. Meanwhile, you start a steady rhythm. Hollowing out your cheeks and using your tongue on the underside. It works. You have him moaning out your name in seconds. His hand tightens in your hair again, not to force you, but spurring you on to take him a little deeper each time. Right until your nose hits his stomach. You hold there, to let him feel the flex of your throat one more time. Just so he remembers it. Then you take your rhythm back up, a little faster, a little tighter. Your jaw starts to hurt, but it’s worth it. To feel his thighs start to tremble and his stomach clench. How he tightens his hold on your hair, moans pitching every time you pass your tongue right under the head.

Your lungs are burning, but you can’t help but feel addicted to him. Sucking him harder and feeling him near that edge. You dig your nails into his thigh, breathing in through your nose. Jungkook’s hip start moving just a little, enough to startle you.

“‘M close,” he moans. “Fuck, can I—in your mouth. Shit.” He runs a hand through his hair, browns furrowed deep. When he opens his eyes you shiver. His lids are heavy, pupils blown and cheeks red. Just like his lips—he sinks his teeth into his bottom one when you resume.

He takes it as a yes, unable to stop his hips from pushing up. You let him take control, holding yourself still, hands on his thighs. Jungkook’s breathing picks up, moans mixing into one drawn out sound. You meet his eyes, mouth stuffed with his cock. That’s all he needed. He twitches and cums into your mouth. The taste is bitter and harsh on your tongue. You close your eyes, focused on the feeling of his body trembling. You’re the one who did that to him.

When he lets you go and you pull off him, he gives you a fuck-out yet expectant look. A cocky arch of his eyebrow when he sees your bulged cheeks. Waiting for you to swallow.

Instead, you reach for his mug that sits on the edge of the table and spit into it. Flinching at the leftover taste.

Jungkook nudges you with his knee. “Why are you like this?”

You set his cup down and reach for your own, take a big gulp of now-cold coffee. “I’m not swallowing your jizz.” The thought of doing that alone makes you want to puke.

“Don’t call it that.”

Rolling your eyes, you stand up on wobbly legs. “I just had it in my mouth, so I can call it whatever I want.”

Jungkook mimics your eyeroll. “Fine.” He pats your thigh. “Pants off.”

“What?”

He lies down on the couch. Surely he doesn’t expect you to ride him after you just fucked up your throat for him? What an ass. “You heard me, naked now. Chop chop.” He motions for you to hurry up and you just give him a blank stare. “Ugh, come here.” Jungkook sits up just slightly again and pulls you closer by your waistband. He gives you a brief look. “Unless you don’t wanna get naked?”

You chuckle, pushing at his hands to get him to slide your leggings off. A hand slips between your thighs to touch you. Rubbing you through the fabric, your knees nearly buckle. He’s nonchalant about it, lying back, eyes focused between your legs. Yet, he’s too accurate, easily finding his target.

“Jungkook,” you whine, grabbing onto the back of the couch.

He smirks. “Let’s take these off too.” The snap of your panties to your hip pulls you back. You shove them down, taken aback by the feeling of a hand grabbing your thigh. You’re about to question him, when he scoots further back on the couch and lifts your leg past his body. “Have a seat.”

Mind absolutely blank, you let him guide you to sit over his face. You’re dripping and he can see it—feel it probably from the way you just grazed his chest. A small moan leaving your lips when he reaches up to kiss your stomach.

“Don’t be shy,” he chuckles. “I’ve got you.”

You shift forward, holding onto the back of the couch. His hands come up to your thighs, pulling you even higher so he can slot his mouth onto your core. You can’t help but moan.

Noisy. Jungkook is so noisy. He sucks your lips into his mouth, teethes at them until you’re shaking. You struggle to hold your hips still, the need to grind into him too strong. And he does nothing to stop you. No, he urges you on. Looking up at you with those big eyes and nodding against you. Jungkook opens his mouth, tongue darting out to tease at your clit just briefly. Then, the reigns are all yours.

He holds you by the hips so you can hesitantly start moving. You shiver. It feels so good; the wet warmth of his mouth against your core. He follows you, hands pawing at your thighs, hips, and ass. With eyes closed, Jungkook eats you out like he’s been dying to do it. There’s no teasing, no playing—he’s straight to the point. You move over his tongue as he sucks on your cunt, nibbling and flicking whenever he gets the chance. Anything else is irrelevant. The sight of his head blissed out between your thighs is all you can focus on.

The pleasure spikes, shooting up your spine and filling you with warmth. It’s embarrassing how fast he gets you on the edge. How good he is. The way he occasionally stops you to take that bundle of nerves between his lips and suck on it until you’re screaming—it’s mind blowing. Your entire body is on fire, sweat drips down your back. His name falls from your lips in cries that echo throughout the room. Louder than the storm raging against the window.

“Jungkook, I’m—” you pant, unable to finish your sentence with the moans that he pulls from you. Incapable of thinking from the second he swirls his tongue around your entrance and presses inside. You halt all your movements. Nails dug deeply into the couch, you reach for his hair with your other hand. He moans when you grip it tightly, his own fingers tightening around your hips. “Don’t stop.”

He alternates between fucking his tongue into you and sucking on your clit. The intensity is almost too much. The irregularity keeps you on your toes and has you nearly teetering over the edge. You just need to—Jungkook reaches behind you and plunges two fingers into your sopping core. The sensation of being filled along with his tongue flicking over you has your eyes rolling back. Everything goes white.

You double over on the couch, unable to keep yourself up and smothering him in the process. Trembling in his hold, he helps you slowly ride out your high. Short, gentle movements against his mouth. The rocking of your hips is as involuntary as the way your body keeps shaking when he lets you go. Breath high in your throat, you chuckle.

“Good god.” You fall down when he slips out from underneath you.

As you twist towards him, Jungkook wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, crawling over you. All your limbs still feel like jelly, your mind swimming. “Yeah, that good?”

You hum, eyes closing. Wanting to lie down, you turn on your back, hearing a sharp thud.

“Shit,” Jungkook gasps. He’s grasping his chin with a laugh.

A few seconds pass before you feel the soreness in your knee. “Ugh, I’m so sorry,” you whine, reaching up to touch him. But he has other plans. Jungkook surges down smiling, pressing your mouths together for the first time in what feels like hours. The stickiness on his face doesn’t go unnoticed. The reminder that he just ate you out, that he’s the one who made you cum that hard. You moan when you taste yourself on his tongue.

He kisses you deeply, smiling against your mouth. You finally get rid of your tank top, now fully naked. He mouths over your chest, twisting your nipples, spreading your legs so that he can fit between them. Pressing himself against you, hard and waiting. “Can you go again?” he asks, pulling away and searching your eyes.

You still feel floaty, but the sensation of his hard cock pressing against your thigh has you quivering. “Yeah.” You’re aching to feel him inside, so you tilt your hips up towards him. Spreading your legs wider and inviting him.

“Wait,” you blurt, eyes flying open and pressing a hand against his chest. He stops with his hand around his dick, just about ready to slide home. “Condom.”

Jungkook curses, looking around the room. He locates his jeans that lie in a pile with his shirt and boxers. The fact that he’s actually got a condom in there is uncanny.

“You’ve got to be kidding me?” You joke.

He shrugs. “I wore these jeans while going out last night.”

“You’re disgusting!” You slap his arm lightly, but he just chuckles in return. He knows just as well as you do that you’re waiting for him to fuck you. The clenching of your core attests to that.

No time is wasted, Jungkook puts the condom on and lines himself up. “You good?”

You nod. “Just go slow.”

The slight oversensitivity just makes it feel even better. He stretches you out so perfectly. You feel every inch, every stutter of his hips as he goes deeper. Way deeper than you’d expected. Until his hips meet yours and he curses, burying his face into your neck.

“You feel good,” he mumbles, kissing your skin.

“You too.” Trailing your fingers up his back, you wait for your body to adjust to him. To feel yourself relax and pull for more. That tell-tale need for movement, friction. Jungkook holds steady, hips barely moving. “Go,” you say when your stomach clenches. “Move. Fuck me like you mean it.”

Jungkook growls, grasping onto the couch. Pulling out and slamming back in full force. You slide up the cushions, so fast you grasp onto him for support. Fingernails digging into his back, legs wrapping around his waist, you keen at the pleasure. Each thrust is better than the last. Harder, more precise.

Your back arches off the couch, mouth agape. Pleasure is constant, like your body is vibrating with it. Jungkook mouths at your neck, sucking, biting—teeth playfully tugging at your ear just to whisper something dirty that you can barely comprehend. Your mind can’t make sense of anything but his dick pumping inside of you. His hips slapping against yours and his mouth against your skin.

Until he kisses you. His mouth messily connecting with yours, movements slowing. With a hand on your ass, he hikes you up the couch, angling your body so that he can press your legs to your chest. Just like that, he picks up. Starting off slow, still kissing you, tongue laving over yours almost sweetly. You shiver, the slow drag of his cock as delicious as the harsh assault. He changes angles, just a hair, but it’s enough for him to graze that part inside of you that makes you see stars.

Throwing your head back, you moan. Fingers sliding through the sweat on his back, up to tangle into his hair, gripping tight. He groans. Head falling onto your shoulder, hips stuttering against yours.

“You like that?” you whisper into his ear, tongue darting out to flick at a pierced lobe.

He nods, teeth sinking into your shoulder as you pull hard. Hips picking up, chasing the pleasure.

Hearing him moan like that. So unabashed and loud, only adds to your pleasure. Toes curling, you close your eyes and let your head fall back. Hips meeting him thrust for thrust, helping him reach even deeper inside of you. To hit that spot every single time. Jungkook has perfected that balance between smooth and hard. Never slamming rough enough to jolt you, yet firm enough to make you capable of sounds you were unaware of. Rhythmic, never stopping or slowing. So constant you can’t do anything but fall into motion with him.

Bodies syncing up. Hands finding places to touch. Nipples, lips, thighs, waists, hair. He is holding you spread open for him, your thighs starting to ache. But it’s worth it, because soon, you feel the pleasure spike.

Your stomach tightens, tingling at the base of your spine. “Jungkook,” you moan.

He answers by looking up, lips bitten red and parted.

“Can you,” you can’t finish the sentence, moaning and closing your eyes. Tapping his hand on your thigh is enough though. He releases you, instead pulling your legs around his waist. Closer like this, his chest slides over yours. It gives you just enough space to reach between your bodies and touch yourself.

He looks down at the sensation, cursing at the sight of your fingers playing with your clit while his cock slides in and out of you. The angle doesn’t let you do the same, but you can hear the slick slide clearly. You can feel it dripping down your ass.

The added pleasure is enough to put you on the edge, fast. “I’m gonna—Jungkook!” you yelp when he leans down and sucks a nipple into his mouth. “Fuck.” One hand between your bodies, the other holding his hair.

In seconds, your high hits you. Hard. Your entire body locks up, so much that Jungkook lets out a strangled moan. Fluttering around him he joins you in your peak. Thrusts stilling, pressed deep inside of you. He spills into the condom as you rut your hips, still coming down.

Spent bodies collapse onto the couch, Jungkook refusing to pull out immediately. He’s basking in the feeling of your aftershock, walls still clenching ever so slightly. You can’t blame him. It feels good. Having him inside of you as he lies down, pulling your hips against his, kissing you. His mouth is tender, laving over yours without much hurry. A hand combing through your hair, softly humming, smiling.

He finally pulls out, leaving you feeling empty and slightly sore. Grunting, he ties the condom and makes a show of throwing it into the same mug you used earlier. It makes him grin.

“I’m throwing that mug out.”

“You really don’t have to.”

“Oh, I really do. It’s been tainted beyond remedy. I’m not drinking from that, ever again.”

Jungkook presses his nose against your temple, still grinning like a fool. “You’re so weird.”

You snort. “Says the guy who just three-point shot a condom into a mug full of cum.”

No reply follows, only comfortable silence. Jungkook and you just lie like that for a while. Bodies coming down, breaths evening out, enjoying each other. Slightly sticky with sweat, you let him grab the blanket and throw it over you. Your heart swells.

Could it be possible that you’re not the only one who feels something more? Deep down, you’ve always known he’s not just an asshole. You’ve just never seen that side of him before today. All this time you’ve tried to ignore it. To not let yourself fall for that trap. A guy like him isn’t supposed to be good. Yet, maybe you were wrong about him. And maybe, he feels the same way about you.

Taehyung isn’t gonna let you hear the end of this, but you can’t help but wonder if there is an opportunity for more between you and Jungkook?

“You know,” he says after a while, “We should definitely do this again.”

Your heart shatters. That’s it. Reality crashing down on you. Of course Jungkook doesn’t feel anything for you. He’s just out for sex and you should’ve known.

You scramble up from the couch. Jungkook sputters out something you can’t quite catch, trying to grab a hold of you. “Don’t touch me,” you spit. “I can’t believe you.” Grabbing your panties and pulling them on alongside your sweater, you put distance between the two of you. “Is that what I am to you? Just another cunt to fuck?”

Jungkook’s hastily putting on his boxers, standing up, eyes wide. He opens his mouth, but you don’t care to listen.

“That’s why you were really here, right? To get into my pants. That’s why you had the condom on you.” It’s all falling together now. How could you have been so stupid? “All the fucking whining about Yoongi, but you’re no better than him.”

“Stop,” he rushes, shaking his head. “Listen to me—“

“Don’t!” you call when he reaches for you, grabbing you by the wrists and forcing you to look at him. You try to wriggle away, but he’s holding you steady.

“Listen,” he tries again. “I—“

You shove at his chest. “Let me go, Jungkook. Fucking let me go.”

He obeys, arms falling limply beside his body. Expression going soft when he sees you’re crying. “Please hear me out.”

“No, Jungkook. You don’t get it. I have feelings for you. Real, non-sexual feelings. I don’t just want to be another girl on your checklist.” There it is. Out with the truth. Your breaths come out short and ragged. Harshly wiping your tears, you grab your leggings off the floor. Jungkook just stares at you. “I was stupid to fall for this act.” It’s true. He doesn’t date. Sex. That’s it. You should’ve known, you should’ve protected yourself. Should’ve never let him weasel his way into your heart.

Jungkook deflates, head falling, hair shielding his eyes. “I’m sorry that you think of me this way.”

What a pretentious prick. “Forget it Jungkook, I’m not buying it.” You look outside, rain still pouring down the window. “You know where everything is. I want you out before sunrise.” You turn your back on him and storm into your bedroom, slamming the door closed.

The contents of your cabinet click, something falling to the floor. Your tears only get worse. Feeling the cold of your room wrap around your worn out body. To feel the remnants of him still cling to your skin. The marks, the soreness, and the scent. God, you’re so dumb. You want to call Taehyung, to hear his voice and have him comfort you. But it’s two in the morning and his sleep schedule is shaky enough as it is.

So you just opt for a shower, stripping and getting under the hot spray to wash away whatever you can. You douse yourself in your favourite clementine scented body wash. But it does nothing to clean the fresh tears. Nothing can. The realisation that your feelings for Jungkook had gone way past crush hurts. You let your guard down and he drove a knife into your back.

Sleep, you think. You need sleep. You need to rid yourself of these thoughts and feelings. Wake up tomorrow and just pretend like this never happened. Even if you know it’ll be evident. You can pretend.

You dry off and brush your teeth. Three times to be precise. Ending up in bed wrapped in your favourite teddy sweater, warm and cosy. Your chest still aches with tears that no longer fall. Heart heavy. Like you miss him close to you.

There’s not much you can do but close your eyes and will your mind to shut off. You don’t want to think about him anymore.

The creaking of your door opening startles you right as you’re drifting off. He better be joking. You refuse to move, holding tightly onto the blanket, hoping that he’s just checking in on you and will leave. You hear the door click closed, and then the bed dips.

You hold your breath. Jungkook doesn’t speak. He lifts the covers so he can scoot under them and pull you against his chest. It’s not a tight hold, but it’s there. A strong arm draped over your waist, legs grazing yours as you pretend to be asleep. The feather-light gaze of his lips against your neck makes fresh tears appear in your eyes.

“Jungkook,” you croak.

He shushes you. “I know you’re upset with me. I just don’t want you to be alone when you’re feeling like this. We can talk in the morning—if you want. For now, just get some rest.”

It’s true. You shouldn’t be alone, crying yourself to sleep. Even if he’s the one that caused it. You just don’t want to let yourself trust the gesture. He’s probably trying to make you feel less angry. Even if it doesn’t work, it’s appreciated, ill intent or not. Having someone here is calming, letting you fall into an unruly slumber.

The next morning, you wake up in his embrace. Closer, back pressed to his chest. His nose nuzzles into your hair. It’s so nice. Warm. Soothing. He’s a good cuddler.

Then, your entire body stiffens. The previous night coming back to you in flashes. Your bodies entwined on the couch, moans bouncing off the wall. You swallow tightly, lifting his arm.

“Hey,” Jungkook whispers. He must’ve already been awake, reaching for your hand and giving it a small squeeze. “Should I go?”

Yes. “No,” you mumble. You need answers. To make the story whole before you force him out of your life for good.

“Do you want to—”

“Why do you always act like such a dick around me?”

Jungkook takes a deep breath. “Because you won’t give me the time of day otherwise.”

You still, practically holding your breath so that you can hear every word.

“Every time I’m nice to you, you pretend like I don’t exist. When I push your buttons,” he sighs, “that’s when I get your attention.”

Attention? He wants your attention? Your mind’s running circles, afraid to turn around and see the look in his eyes and get swayed. Feel remorse for the pain you hear lined in his voice. That you can feel in the trembling of his hand encasing yours.

“Can you at least say something?” he asks.

“I don’t know what you want me to say.”

He sits up, the mattress shifting and your eyes closing tightly. “Sit up, please.” Grabbing your arm, Jungkook gets you to reluctantly sit up and face him. Though you won’t look at him, eyes on your knees that nearly touch his. You notice that he’s still in his boxers, but he’s at least wearing a shirt. He doesn’t force you to look at him when he starts speaking again. “I want to be honest with you.” He toys with the edge of your sheets. “But if you’re not going to listen to the whole story it’s not worth telling you.”

Your heart hammers. Tears threaten to fall. Taking a deep breath gives away your nerves. You want to tell him he can’t ask that of you. That he doesn’t deserve that. But if there’s even a slight chance of a misunderstanding—something your heart hopes for—you have to hear him out. Even if it’ll hurt. “Okay.”

“Thank you,” he mumbles. He’s nervous too. Breath shaky like his body, nearly curled in on himself. You never thought you’d see him this vulnerable. “Honestly, when I first met you, I was intrigued by you because I couldn’t have you. You just held up your nose every time I as much as looked your way. It made me want to know more about you. And the moment I did, it was over for me. I realised that you’re not just opinionated, crass, and entitled. You’re smart, a hard worker, and you’re such a good friend.”

You finally dare to look up. To see the desperate look in his eyes as he pauses. Shocked.

“I admire you,” he whispers.

“What?” you blurt. “You’re the one with the straight A’s, not me.”

He shakes his head in defeat, biting his lip and looking away. “The only reason I’m getting straight A’s is because I’ve taken these classes before. I’m not like you, I don’t work hard. I should be studying like you.”

You frown. “What do you mean, you’ve done them before? Do you already have a law degree?”

Jungkook avoids your eyes. “When I got out of high school at the age of seventeen, I got into a big university with a scholarship. The full ride. But I was stupid,” he croaks. “I wanted to fully enjoy the college ride. So I studied just enough to get by and dedicated the rest of my time to partying.” He says it like he’s disgusted with himself. Muscles in his neck tightening as he swallows impending tears. “I got arrested for underage drinking and lost the entire scholarship. Everything I had worked so hard for, down the drain.”

The words leave him pained, the regret for his past decisions clear in his eyes. Yet, he’s still here, studying this degree you know most students can’t afford. You have a scholarship too.

“So yeah,” he breathes. “I wish I had a little more discipline like you. I admire that you’re able to put school first. As much as I pretend to hate you just to get your attention, I like being around you. You’re a positive influence on people, including me.”

“So it’s my fault? For judging you?”

Jungkook’s eyes widen. “No, not at all. As I said, I was being an ass on purpose because I was curious about you. But when I got to know you,” he cocks his head to the side, “feelings happened. I just couldn't find a way to show you the better sides of myself. Which is partially why I showed up yesterday.”

“Huh,” you frown. So he did have ulterior motives? “How does that change anything? You still showed up here to sleep with me.” He’s talking in circles. You feel remorse for him, but you tell yourself to stay strong. His past doesn’t excuse his actions.

“I really wasn’t planning on sleeping with you. I wouldn’t do that to you. There just was no other way to get you to spend time alone with me. I wanted to show you a better side of me, hoping that you’d realise I’m not all bad and maybe would give me a chance.” A chance to what? “I like you,” he adds when you don’t respond, “a lot.”

What? He can’t be serious. After everything that happened.

“But I also care about you. I like being around you—bickering included. I genuinely wanted to help. I know how hard it is to start again, I didn’t want to see you go through that.”

You go silent. Trying to think over his words and not see the bad. To believe that he means it. He did help you after all. He studied with you for hours, never insinuating anything sexual. He was nice, comforting and believed in you. You never asked for any of that. And after all, you kissed him too. You could’ve stopped it. If he had just wanted sex, he wouldn’t be here.

But he is. “Jungkook, I’m so sorry,” you say, grabbing his hand.

“I’m the one who’s sorry. For making you feel used. I should’ve just been honest with you.” Jungkook laces your fingers together. “I know it was a dick move on my side to sleep with you. I shouldn’t have said what I said.”

“I played as much of a part in it as you did. So let’s just—how about we call it even. Bury the hatchet?” You cock your head to the side, rubbing your thumb over the back of his hand. It won’t be easy, you’ll need to do a lot of thinking, but your heart wants to forgive him. To see more of his gentler side.

He nods, lifting up your hand and pressing his lips against your knuckles. “Sounds good to me.”

The two of you get up after that, even if it’s a little awkward. It’s weird to not be bickering with him. You’re surprised that he actually cleaned the living room last night. There’s not a trace of him left aside from his clothes that are carefully folded on the table. Even that mug is gone.

“What do you want to eat?” you ask, reaching to the top shelve for another mug.

Jungkook comes closer. “Just coffee is okay for now.”

You turn, almost bumping into his chest, blushing heavily. Now that he knows you have feelings for him, he’s enjoying himself just a little too much. Smiling at you while you’re making coffee and some cereal for yourself. You eat in silence, browsing through your phone.

It’s when you get up to clean, that Jungkook speaks again.

“Hey,” he says, grabbing you back by the waist.

“Hi?” You turn around in his grip.

“You know,” he starts, hand coming up to brush your hair behind your ear. “As much as I regret what I said yesterday, I did mean it.”

“What?” You chuckle lightly. “You want to do that again?”

He nods, and you catch a faint redness dusting his cheeks. “I do, a lot of times, if you want.”

You laugh, twisting away from him to put the dishes in the sink. “If that is your way of you asking me to be your girlfriend, Jungkook, then I must say you’re not quite hitting the right angle. Seeing what happened yesterday.” He can’t seriously be thinking you just want him for sex after all that. You start cleaning, even if it’s just to avoid having to look at him and admit that you’re shy. Thinking about what happened last night—the good parts.

Sighing, he turns off the tap that you had just turned on.

“Hey!” You turn it back on, only to have him shut it off again. “What do you want?”

“I’m not saying that I want you to be my girlfriend. I don’t think I’m ready for that just yet.” He leans in, brushing his nose against yours, searching your eyes like he’d done the night before. Like he’s waiting for permission.

You couldn’t resist him even if you tried. So you kiss him, just briefly. “Then what are you ready for, big boy?”

He laughs. “For starters, I would love to take you out for dinner after the exam that’s in,” he looks up at the clock, “six hours.”

You groan, throwing your head back. “Don’t remind me.” It’s probably a wiser decision to take some time to think. See how you feel about this, but dinner won’t hurt. “I will still need some time to think about,” you gesture between you two, “whatever this is.”

“Oh,” his face falls. “Yeah, I get that. I just thought that—since you said you have feelings for me too.” Jungkook pouts. He fucking juts out his bottom lip and you haven’t seen anything more endearing in your entire life. Your heart does a weird little flip, and you know that you’re a goner. Even more so than you had been before last night.

Now you know that he is good. That he is worthy of a chance. So why not give it? Why would you sit around and let your mind think all sorts of negative things about him if you can give him the chance to prove to you that he’s a great guy. As he said, it’s just a date. Not a label. Yet.

When he turns away, you pull him back by his hand, slamming your lips to his. He grunts, both hands coming up to thread through your hair. The kiss isn’t deep. It isn’t anything like the way you kissed last night. It sweeps you off your feet, so tender and warm. When he pulls away, you’re out of breath and you can see the adoration in his eyes. You hope he can see it in yours.

Then, he pinches your butt.

You push at his chest. “Thanks for reminding me that you’re still an annoying brat.”

He chuckles, giving you a peck on the lips. “But you like me that way.”

“Sadly,” you grumble, winding your arms around his neck. “I do.”

Thanks to: @/fallinforkoo @knjkitten @yoongs-jeontae @wintaejk @guksweet @rynofpentacles @mikroparadise @jeonggukkiepabo @softlyjiminie Requested by: @/fallinforkoo + @hornyjailbonk + 3x Anonymous Taglist: @jiminskth @teresaisla @yeontanie21 @tessanator97 @ladyartemesia @dayjeons @djasheyash99 @the-rise-of-bangtan-boyz @bbangtanlove95 @zeharilisharaban @jungkooksgoodgirl @topanga27 @pjmochii @iwanttohitmyself @veryuniquenamegoeshere @bel-abysse @jiminsreads @jungkookspromise

© GguksGalaxy 2020 This is a work of fiction and is in no way meant to give an accurate representation of the idols included. Please do not steal, copy, redistribute or take uncredited inspiration from my work.

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