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etheriadearie · 3 years

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“Promise”

Why can't you just… Promise ?

Today's goal is an in-depth look at one of the most beautiful and breathtaking episodes of She-ra: "Promise"

Storywise, it's incredibly important to the series, and focuses entirely on Catradora. It's the first time since Adora left Catra behind to seek out the sword that the girls really have an opportunity to talk, and things are not going well. Both of them are royally pissed off at the other, with good reason.

For Adora, we're gonna deflate that proud hair poof of hers a bit, as we'll take an honest look at her as a person at this point in her life. And Catra... she's really guarding her feelings closely, as she's already deeply angry with Adora. But we will use the combination of Catra's younger self in the memories they see, plus looking at other times in the series that relate to this episode, where she was less guarded, in order to understand her as a person at this time. Also: warning: tl;dr, best enjoyed while cozy with a drink..

To get started, we skip to when they end up stuck together…

After Adora takes drastic measures to ward off the security spiders by collapsing the tunnel, the girls are now stuck together, and so… they talk...

We immediately see how incredibly irritated they are with each other as Adora chides Catra for being in the Crystal Castle, since the monsters will continue to attack them as long as she's protecting Catra… only to have Catra retort that she didn't ask for protection. Some snippy bickering back and forth happens, then...

Adora asks: "Does Shadow Weaver know you're here?" Very deadpan assertion from Adora. She knows Catra must be disobeying orders, she just doesn't know why.

"I'd say Shadow Weaver has bigger problems right now". Catra is already starting her move against SW back at the Horde. With SW abusively blocking her every move within the Horde, and now that Catra knows that SW was going to mind wipe Adora, Catra has decided she must deal with her abuser.

Adora puts on her telltale sideways grin, and Catra chafes at Adora's flirtation, saying "I told you it's not because I like you” downplaying Adora’s suggestion that this was the reason she let her go. Catra freely admits here that she does like Adora, but it's not the real reason she did it. Still, Catra doesn't explain further, and we see later that Catra often lets Adora explain away her actions this way... but that Adora constantly misses the deeper truths.

"Where are your new best friends? I thought you did everything together". She's very snarky and dismissive of Adora and her flirting. She's mad about Adora leaving her for her new life.

"The ones you let SW imprison and curse?" Adora is angry at Catra for what she did, which was a sudden escalation of things by Catra.

"Yeah obviously, what other friends would I be talking about?" An obvious dig at Adora for leaving her, everything behind. She deadpans this, staring back plainly. Catra is obviously really angry at Adora... while Adora is legitimately mad at Catra for doing something so nasty to Bow and Glimmer...

::Let's take a moment to talk about Catra's feelings about Adora's new friends: Catra feels horribly betrayed by this. Adora completely tossed her aside, and replaced her with Bow and Glimmer. What comes to mind is at the end of Sea Gate, Catra is thrown in the water and then looks up at Adora, who is celebrating and cuddling with Bow and Glimmer. Catra is emotionally forlorn watching this, as Scorpia comes to drag her off to safety, Adora doesn't even look back towards her.

She's forgotten, Adora showed no love towards her at all in that scene (and then hardly any at Princess Prom, either). Adora ignored her plea for her to return, she didn't reach out to Catra at all. And now she watches her cuddle with her new friends: everything Catra thought she had with Adora meant nothing, and she's been replaced with these feel goodie goods who are fawning all over Adora.

Suffice to say, Catra couldn't do this, she's got way too many issues with emotional intimacy and touch aversion. So she watches Adora, seeing that what she offered her wasn't good enough, knowing because of it she's forgotten. Catra was trying really hard to be a close friend to Adora in spite of her issues, but as we will see, Adora wasn't trying to understand what was going on with Catra. And because of this, Catra was too afraid to express her affection openly, and yet here's Adora... accepting all of Bow and Glimmer’s love, for which Adora really did nothing to earn. Adora took Catra’s friendship for granted while ignoring her deeper needs, as will be explained, then completely abandons her, not even seeming to miss her. Catra is deeply hurt by the unfairness of this.

>Catra stares back at Adora, frustrated when she doesn't even acknowledge their lost friendship.

"Well, we don't need to go together. You do your weird little magic quest thing I'll find my own way out". Catra looks resentfully at the sword on Adora's back as she says this. Catra is laying down boundaries, except it's useless since they are trapped together. But, boundaries are important to Catra and as the episode progresses, Adora shows that she doesn't really understand Catra's.

>As they walk along, both girls' shadows loom equally tall. The symbolism is that in this story, both are equally important... it's also a shockingly beautiful sequence. (pic above)

After entering the room of infinite darkness, Catra tries to separate from Adora but the door is gone, they are stuck together. Weird things start happening. As the Fright Zone appears, both of them are confused. Adora decides to suspect Catra, after all, she attacked her friends. But as Adora grabs Catra, Catra is surprised and confused... Catra doesn't like being touched unexpectedly, Adora knows this but is ignoring that and attacking her. She gets treated as an enemy when she clearly hasn't done anything wrong, and it sets the tone for the two of them: Adora has constantly treated Catra as an enemy since the very moment she defected, not even trying to understand Catra's point of view. And so Catra increasingly emotionally distances herself from Adora. Catra angrily casts Adora's arm aside, not liking being vilified by her, and Adora doesn't understand why Catra is so upset. Catra slips away to explore, needing space from her.

The way Adora immediately suspects and then attacks Catra is symbolic to the whole episode: by defecting to the Rebellion, Adora chose to start treating Catra, and her entire unit, as enemies, backing it up with hostility. But Catra doesn't really agree that the horde is evil... in her experience, it's just how life is.

>The two girls, now separated, call out to each other. Adora hears Catra's call, then another: young Catra is behind her, looking lost and insecure. Catra joins Adora as their first memory has just begun…

~DISCLAIMER TIME~ A lot of information in She-ra is inferred by emotional context, so if this seems a bit head-canon-y, I assure you, I have data! Please ask questions and seek clarifications, I promise to answer back! ~EtheriaDearie

>A worried and hurt young Catra runs to young Adora's side. She is emotional and needs support. Adora checks her out then gets the real deal: Catra was in a fight with an adult. It hints that Catra always had to deal with people messing with her, even before SW began her abuse. This is a guess, but it's probable: this is likely a happy memory of the two of them right before the hurting began. Along with the "promise" memory and the moments immediately preceding their entering the Black Garnet chamber, these scenes set the baseline for what their friendship was like before Catra suffered SW’s abuse. Also, this memory is a happy one, and how Adora remembers their friendship: it was likely triggered by her memories. The next ones are not, as I believe they are triggered by Catra, who is trying to explain to Adora what was so painful about their childhood...

>Catra doesn't know what to expect when she shows Octavia to Adora. She probably expects Adora to try to apologize on her behalf, or to give her a hard time about what she did. Instead, Adora sticks with her friend and yells “Hey Octavia, you're a dumbface." This brings young Catra much joy, Adora is sticking with her, not passing judgement. The two young girls run together hand in hand, experiencing childhood bliss, but it doesn't last. The present versions of themselves return, holding hands...

They share a brief moment of connection before Catra pulls her hand away in anger. Adora is surprised at the strength of Catra’s reaction. They are not on intimate terms any more, in fact, I suspect they had been struggling for a while before Adora's defection. Adora doesn't want the moment to stop, but Catra does. It hints that the gulf between them is already wide.

"How can you deal with all this magic stuff?" Catra has a deep distrust of magic, as it was used in her abuse. She resents it, and throughout the series whenever anything magic happens that she doesn't see coming she gets creeped out.

"I'm only dealing with it because I need to figure out how to heal Glimmer after someone got her cursed." It's a valid criticism, but Catra deflects it.

"What do you want? An apology? You're not getting one." We don't get the full story on this moment until season 5 when a young Catra tells Adora she'll "never say sorry to anybody, ever." Adora doesn't like Catra just refusing to explain, and as Catra pushes her away, Catra is full of reproach at Adora's judgement.

::As an abused child, Catra was continuously vilified and abused by everyone but Adora. And when Adora would suggest she apologize throughout their lives, she can't understand why Catra won't. It comes down to literally everyone in the world judging Catra and being cruel. Not once did any of them apologize to her, even though she didn't do anything to deserve the abuse. Except Adora... but that has issues, too. In fact, SW literally tells her "I won't apologize" regarding her abuse of Catra. Can you imagine the hurt at that?

[pic caption: Catra refuses to apologize, Catra often shows her deeper emotions while blinking, in this case: the incredible pain she experienced from SW’s abuse.]

So no, Catra won't apologize, she had a thing she was trying to do by kidnapping Bow and Glimmer and taking her sword, and it ended badly. But she felt she had a good reason to do it: she wanted to force Adora to see her, to make her acknowledge how big of a part of Adora’s life Catra used to be. And it's not like anyone has been helping Catra, she's had to make every single decision on her own her entire life and live with the consequences.

Also, mistakes for Catra have an entirely different meaning than they do for Adora. Whenever Adora made a mistake, she was given an opportunity to fix it. This is a theme of their relationship: Adora expects Catra to let her fix her mistakes. But for Catra, she learned that any mistake she made was dangerous, as when she did make a mistake, SW would torture her for it. And if other people saw it too, they'd use it to perpetuate the notion that she's some kind of no good fuck up. So Catra is extremely careful to not make mistakes, and if she does, she tries to cover it up, distance herself from it. (note: this isn't the same as Catra's intentional rebellions against this system where she was unfairly targeted for abuse-). This is why Catra simply cannot forgive Adora easily for breaking her promise: in Catra's world, she had to be perfect, or she could have been dead by SW's hand. She wasn't allowed to make mistakes like Adora is, she is what is clinically known as 'hyper vigilant' and always preparing for the worst. And so she applies this standard to be perfect all the time to Adora, and therefore she won't give Adora the same license to make mistakes with their friendship. Catra thinks Adora should know better, and see the consequences of her actions.

>Adora lets it go: when Catra seems to shut down, Adora does her best to try to accept her. Adora tries a different track. She asks Catra why she let her and Glimmer go when SW had them imprisoned, when it could have resulted in Catra getting in trouble. Catra walks ahead, trying to distance herself from having to answer. But the magic of the Crystal Castle intervenes: as Adora slips and begins to fall, Catra saves her. It's a symbolic moment: Catra has always tried to protect Adora, to save her from pain. It's why she changed course to give the sword back to her, partly.

"Did you really think I'd just let SW erase your memory like that?"

"I don't know. Probably." Adora shows such little understanding of their friendship. It shows Adora really is thinking of Catra as an enemy, not as the complicated person stuck between protecting her friend, and the cruel necessities of her life.

Catra looks at Adora with disappointment. "Yeah, well, you never did have too much faith in me." Adora tries to understand Catra's emotions, fails.

"Huh, can you blame me?" Ouch. Adora smiles at Catra, trying to show love for her roguish quirks. But it just shows how little Adora understands: she is repeating a negative stereotype of Catra that everyone in their old life believes and perpetuates. And Adora should know better, instead of just assuming the worst about her. That persona is one which Catra uses to protect herself, partly from her own emotional feelings, but also as a necessity to protect herself from SW. She had to act like she doesn't care, doesn't try, so SW wouldn't see her power.

"Psh, not really." As Catra turns away, again she deadpans this but you can see pain and disappointment leaking past her indifference.

As she walks away she trails her tail across Adora's hand, flirting and drawing Adora's attention to her butt. It's a cute little moment of telling a truth to counter the lie: 'Adora, you should know me better, and also, I like you.' Still, it's only a half truth: Catra couldn't let SW win because SW is Catra's true enemy. But, Adora takes the flirtatious hint, as always. She accepts it and doesn't dig deeper.

Catra asks Adora about their childhood, trying to understand how Adora could just throw it all away. Adora gives a very direct and impassioned speech, she looks Catra in the eyes, trying to convince her and make her understand why leaving was the right thing to do. Catra hides her emotions, weighing Adora's answer. She doesn't agree with her sentiment, in Catra's experience good and evil are relative and exist as such everywhere. Also, she's right: we meet many people in the Horde who aren't evil. And Adora's finding the sword is one giant sinister manipulation by Light Hope. Moral grayness is a constant theme in this show. Still, this isn't really why Catra chooses to stay with the Horde.

Adora sees her explanation failing to convince Catra, so she tries reminding Catra of their deeper friendship, telling her she misses her too. Catra is temporarily taken aback at being called out before remembering to deny it. She tells Adora to get over herself, and Adora tells her she won't stop until Catra says she likes her. They flirtatiously rough house, and Catra smiles during it: yeah, she does. But she denies it anyways.

::Adora often tries to be respectful of Catra's personal space but is making an exception here: she's telling her that she finds her desirable, and if Catra wanted it, they could be together. Adora can't understand why Catra feels the need to resist this, but she knows doing it helps her friend feel wanted. Still, this shows how casually Adora views their attraction.

Yes, they should be together. And actually, they had an unspoken agreement that they would be. But Catra's not going to open herself up to that just to serve her desire. She wants more from Adora, for Adora to show her that she really does see her, and cares about her. If she did, maybe Catra could open up about some of her pain. Being intimate without doing that would be impossible, and so far Catra's life still isn't safe enough to risk her feelings. Adora's promotion could have meant the beginning of something new between them, where they worked together to build a more secure future together where Catra didn't have to be fearful all the time. But instead, Adora left her.

So begins the second memory. The two girls, now teenagers, compete against each other in sparring. It's clear they are flirting, and neither is fighting all out. When Catra taunts Adora by putting her finger to her forehead, she shows how much better she is at fighting. She full heartedly laughs, Adora enjoys this and then throws a purposefully weak strike to restart the fight. When Adora seemingly turns the tables through brute force, Catra plays hurt to exploit Adora's naiveness. As Adora tries to show concern, Catra turns the tables back. She wants to teach Adora a lesson: that not everyone will play fair, as Catra knows all too well from SW's abuse. But Lonnie interrupts her. Catra doesn't appreciate this and makes quick work of Lonnie, showing just how good she is. Adora attacks, getting the predetermined win. Catra doesn't enjoy the beat down but accepts Adora's help up. She heads to Lonnie as Adora receives compliments from their commander.

As Catra confronts Lonnie, she tells Catra "you were playing dirty, I was just leveling the field". Catra will hear these words again when she leaves Adora behind in frustration near the end of the episode. They are significant: these are stereotypical views forced on Catra, and those views ignore that Catra was just doing something she felt was important: teaching Adora about the harsh realities that exist in the world. Real enemies don't play by the rules, and will be unpredictable.

As Catra’s anger rises at this, Adora puts her hand on Catra's shoulder to calm her down, then compliments Catra on her fighting skills. Catra ever so casually tosses the comforting hand aside. She's saying 'I can handle my emotions without your help, but thanks for asking.' As she tells Adora she let her win, Adora tries to tell if Catra really is ok.

Thus starts one of cutest exchanges between the two of them: as Catra tries to explain why she lets Adora win, Adora puts on her sideways 'you like me' grin while she playfully denies that Catra let her win. Catra gives a very animated and obviously made up explanation about not wanting to have people expect things from her. Adora grins along, and halfway through her lie Catra leans in, staring at Adora's lips before looking up into her eyes. Once again, Catra is undoing a lie by telling a truth: she let her win because she likes (loves) her. But it's only a half truth, once again...

Adora accepts the explanation, keeping her sideways grin: 'it's so cute how you like me'. Catra's explanation done, Adora moves on, wanting to catch up with their unit. Catra lets her do so while excusing herself. As Adora leaves, a huge amount of meaningful information passes across Catra's face…

First, Catra feels bad about having to lie to Adora, and it shows. Then, as Adora leaves to socialize, disappointment and rejection shows: Catra had hoped Adora might look deeper, and try to see the deeper truth. As Adora turns away and leaves we see a look of total love and adoration on Catra's face. She really, really loves Adora. She's the light of her life, a real idiot no doubt but Catra will always love her for exactly who she is.

The girls remain their younger selves as the rest of the memory plays out, Adora staying to accept praise while Catra separates to deal with her internal feelings which Adora always fails to see: the hurt and aloneness she feels.

>A frustrated young Catra cries, expressing her repressed emotions. It would be easiest to assume she cries because she's sad about losing, but we have to look ahead to the next memory to find the real truth.

Catra is sad because she never had a choice. SW took that choice from her, and while Catra is happy to let Adora win because of the love she feels for her, it hurts that she never really got to decide. And Adora doesn't see that, doesn't see the pain Catra is bearing, hiding. And so she cries for that, too. The one person who should love her doesn't really see her. As she looks up in the mirror to see herself, since no one else in her life seems to see her pain, she sees her present tearful self looking back. The pain of the past is real in the present, and while she's older now and won't let herself give in to tears, she feels the pain as she did back then. (pic 1, below) She sees the tears and it snaps her back to her present self, totally unnerved by the simulation as the security detects her and attacks. A fearful Catra screams, wanting help, wanting Adora.

>Adora snaps back to herself, having been participating in the replay of the memory post Catra excusing herself. She tries to run to help Catra, full of worry. She sees a terrified Catra trapped by the spider. As the spider begins to drag her away the two girls lock arms, trying to free Catra. But it's too strong, and as we see their grip start to slip, Catra looks to Adora wanting, pleading for help. As Catra is pulled away, Adora feels helpless, knowing she couldn't help her friend. She thumps her head in frustration that she wasn't there for Catra.

The scene speaks to an obvious truth: Adora has never quite been there enough for Catra. She's always less present, less aware of Catra's reality than she could have been. But since Catra was experiencing a painful memory when this happened, her reaction shows her vulnerable emotional state, and so she called out for help: Catra just wants to feel safe, for Adora to be there to help her. But she wasn't.

>As Catra is dragged away, she feels helpless, and calls out mournfully for Adora. But she's long gone; Catra is alone and scared, as usual. She screams out her frustration, the realization that she’s never gotten the help she needed, she always ends up alone. She cries tears for the suffering and anguish she feels from that. (pic 2, below) It’s a moment that shows us the real inner Catra: She feels deeply, whether it be her desire to be seen, loved by Adora, or the fear she feels in this moment and others. She tries her best to act confident in herself, but it's a lie: she needs support, yet is left behind by everyone, including Adora. She was willing to bear her pain for Adora's love, but she has become increasingly aware of how tenuous that really was growing up.

>Catra digs deep, like she's always done. She will handle this, won't take the abuse lying down. She shifts her mentality to being the survivor, the person who has survived years of abuse. She frees herself and gets to her feet, accessing her foe, determined to defeat it. She attacks, using her anger to deal damaging blows, seeking to destroy her enemy, to make sure she survives. She stands back, confident she's won, proud of herself for it. She doesn't quit, she always perseveres against those who want to destroy her. (pic 3)

Adora shows up, finishing the monster. Catra doesn't drop her mentality, this person who has lived a separate life from Adora and survived on her own, doing the hard things like winning fights and resisting Shadow Weaver's abuse.

Adora walks forward, seeing Catra's anger, determination. She looks blankly, trying not to upset Catra. She's trying to get a read on Catra but not having any luck, so she's being cautious. She asks if Catra is ok, casually pulling webbing off Catra's shoulder, trying to exist in her physical space without upsetting Catra further. "I had it" says Catra, not dropping her fighter stance, mentality at all. Catra is very much feeling the aloneness of her life from everyone, including Adora.

Adora tries to casually put aside Catra's assertion that she had it, she smiles diplomatically. She tries again to touch Catra, to break down her animosity and get her to calm down. It doesn't work. "We need to make sure we stick together from now on." As Adora touches Catra, she tenses, uncomfortable. Catra has strong touch aversion, and Adora knows this but she also knows doing it sometimes helps Catra shift her mentality, so she's trying to get Catra to connect emotionally, to get her to accept care.

"Will you stop telling me what to do?" An exasperated Catra says. We see a look of total dismay cross Adora's face. She's not understanding why Catra has so much animosity in this moment. (pic below)

As Adora looks at Catra, she hunches her body, looking misunderstood and isolated. Adora has consistently failed to see Catra's emotional states and so Catra is feeling more and more apart; that the mentality of the survivor she's feeling now is the right one. Adora didn't really help her at all growing up, and she doesn't see her for who she really is, either. Adora always took the easy explanation, like saying that Catra did things for her because she liked her. Never looking deeper, trying to see her struggle. And so Catra doesn't drop her combative pose, she stays in it because she feels in control, less vulnerable.

As for the words "stop telling me what to do", that's an essay in itself but consider: just now Adora became frustrated when she lost Catra, and now tells her they need to stay together. But they didn't, they never did, and even when they are together Adora is no real help to Catra. So she reacts in anger to Adora trying to direct her. After all, in the next scene we will see that Adora leads Catra into danger, and then doesn't really help her as she gets abused. Adora is no great leader, not according to Catra's experience.

::Adora is having a total loss, here, as she tries to understand Catra, why she's angry at her: It's because she has never really known this 'survivor' side of Catra. Adora wants to comfort her and calm her down, but Catra isn't having it. I think this is when we first see Adora begin to realize that there is something is very wrong with her friend that she has completely failed to see, and she's deeply worried by it. (pic 2)

[pic cation: Adora can't read Catra's emotions, Adora realizes Catra is deeply angry. Outside SW’s chamber, Adora wants to take Catra’s hand.]

Adora loves Catra, but can't seem to get through to her: Catra is holding herself apart from Adora. Again, Catra pushes Adora's hand aside, frustrated. She expresses her exasperation at the situation, saying she's sick of what's going on. Adora follows along, confused. As Catra seemingly purposefully leaves her behind, Adora demands to know what Catra's problem is, saying that she was trying to save her. Catra looks down at her confrontationally, frustrated with Adora's lack of vision. "For the last time, I don't need you to save me. I've been doing just fine on my own. No thanks to you." Uh oh.

The words "no thanks to you" are especially cutting. Adora has totally failed to see the struggles Catra had all her life, she didn't understand the hurt and abuse Catra was fighting against. And so Catra did it all on her own, protecting herself and trying to remain strong. Her love of Adora might have helped her have hope, but fundamentally Catra overcame the abuse by not giving up on herself, believing she had worth, and not letting others tear her down.

Adora runs to Catra's side, taking her arm in one hand. Feeling her friend becoming increasingly distant from her, Adora tries authentically telling Catra her feelings, hoping to make her friend see her desire to help and understand her. Adora explains that she's sorry for leaving and that she did it because she couldn't stand the war the Horde has pursued. Her next words are telling: "but I never wanted to leave you". 'Want' is an important word in this series, and it comes up again in season 5 when Catra asks Adora "what do you want, Adora?”. By choosing to leave the Horde, Catra feels that Adora wanted that more than she wanted what they had together. Also, promises are not something you're supposed to break over a 'want'. And Adora so casually breaking their promises makes Catra think she doesn't matter to Adora. It's not the truth, but this belief still determines her reaction in this moment. Even though Adora dearly loves Catra, including at this point in the story, she hasn't shown it in a way that Catra can see as meaningful. As Adora finishes saying this, Catra looks back, feeling alone and unwanted, seemingly thinking 'but you did leave me, Adora.'

Adora tries to appeal to Catra to join the rebellion with her. Then she says "I know you're not a bad person, Catra. You don't belong with the Horde." Catra must be thinking 'Ok so at what point did you become the authority on whether someone is good or bad, Adora?' Adora has shown no interest in understanding Catra's position, she treated her as an enemy without fail since she left her, literally in every single case including at Princess Prom when Catra was trying so hard to romance her. And Catra doesn't accept Adora's naive black and white view of the world. Think about it: when Adora defects she begins treating all Horde with hostility, including her dearest friend, she judges them all and doesn’t even try to see them as the complicated people that they are. So when she suggests Catra doesn't belong with the Horde, Catra looks back at her, feeling totally isolated from Adora. Even though Adora's plea is earnest, Catra declines it.

>As the next memory begins, we see Adora now has both hands on Catra's arm, she's desperately trying to hold on to her bond with Catra and show her desire to fix things between them. Catra doesn't drop her wary demeanor at all, and Adora looks lost and anxious over this as a young Catra runs by.

The memory starts out full of childhood innocence as the two of them play together. When the girls see that the Black Garnet chamber is open, young Adora remarks "we're definitely not allowed in there." Young Catra looks at Adora, seemingly asking if she wants to go in, trusting her. Young Adora runs off, and Catra follows her in. Yes, Catra participates in the decision, but she's not the one who runs towards the chamber, and that's important to what happens next.

A worried (adult) Adora looks to her friend who seems so distant, stoic. Anxiously, Adora tells Catra "You don't have to go in there." Adora knows what happens next is very bad, that this is a hurtful memory for Catra. As an unwavering Catra begins to walk towards the chamber, Adora looks down at Catra's hand. [pic above] She wants desperately to reach out and take it, to hold Catra back from this terrible moment, to tell her she's sorry for messing up. Adora knows now that she screwed up, that she's let Catra down, somehow more than she ever realized. She doesn't know what to do about it… she follows Catra inside.

The young girls explore, Catra touches the black garnet and gets shocked. Adora has second thoughts, she realizes they're trespassing.. but of course, SW returns, so they try to hide. As SW takes off the mask, Adora cries out, taken aback... young Catra looks at her in dismay. She's about to pay for Adora's mistake with a lifetime of suffering. Offended, SW tells them to "Get out!" but rethinks. She puts the mask back on, and decides to use this moment to instead abuse the girls and use the crime of their trespass against them. As SW tells Catra to stay, Adora turns around, seeing that Catra is caught, and she's scared for her friend. She really did make a poor decision, and as a highly empathetic person, what happens to Catra scars Adora, too.

Held powerless by magic, Catra tries to explain that they were just playing. SW's words to her set the stage for a lifetime of physical and psychological abuse: SW leans over her menacingly, telling her "Insolent child, I've come to expect such disgraceful behavior from you, but I will not allow you to drag Adora down as well." Again, it's not Catra who decided to go in, so it's really not her fault. SW disparages her and heaps blame upon her for Adora's bad choice, ignoring the truth.

Adora weakly tries to protect Catra, saying "SW, it wasn't her fault. It was my idea too." It's an understandable response, as they're just little kids. Still, Adora could have taken the blame for their trespass, since she led Catra inside. But it's about to get a lot more hurtful for Catra...

SW's voice echoes through Catra's head as she trembles in terror: "You have never been anything more than a nuisance to me. I've kept you around this long because Adora was fond of you but if you ever do anything to jeopardize her future, I will dispose of you myself. Do you understand ?" Catra trembles in fear, her eyes unfocused, the room empty but for SW menacing her. She's in a dissociative state, terrified and helpless. I think some people probably feel like this must have been a idle threat, but it isn't: SW abuses Catra many times after this for her mistakes. And the depiction of the dissociative state helps us understand just how damaging it was. While Adora seemingly goes on to not realize the importance of this memory, for Catra it is formative to her entire life.

Again, Adora tries weakly to stop what's happening, putting herself between them. She tells SW "please, stop" then looks over at Catra, full of concern. Running over to SW, she tells her "she didn't mean to". This is so hurtful, as young Catra is very smart. Catra knows Adora has blown it again, after all, what is it that she "didn't mean to" do when it was Adora's idea to trespass? Adora isn't getting the magnitude of the situation, and Catra is very much left to fend for herself.

SW then does a very insidious thing to Adora, a very directed abuse that's meant to work against her personality and empathetic reactions to others pain. She tells her "Adora, you must do a better job of keeping her under control. Do not let something like this happen again..." SW follows this up with years of manipulation to make Adora even more susceptible to abuse. But in this moment, SW again heaps the blame for Adora's mistake onto Catra, who did nothing wrong. For Catra, she comes to believe that what she did doesn't even matter, nobody cares what the truth was. Even Adora. But for Adora, the hurt goes deep as well. She made a bad decision, her friend gets hurt for it, and she never comes clean... instead, she's told she has to do a better job of controlling her friend, and that she has to be perfect so that it doesn't happen again. It's a deep and hurtful moment for Adora, just like it is for Catra. But the hurt is much less direct, and more sneaky. Nonetheless, Adora struggles with this moment, this abuse of her, in the most intimate and painful ways all throughout the series.

Young Catra watches on as SW completes her manipulation of Adora. For Catra, she's left with the feeling that nothing she does matters, she was blamed for something she didn't even do. And Adora seemingly took the easy out, spreading the blame. But she doesn't realize this moment is so insidious for Adora, that it attacks and manipulates her at her emotional need to help others. From this moment on, Adora is afflicted with a desperate fear that she can't protect others, and must lead perfectly so they don't get hurt. This internal conflict erodes Adora's self worth, and causes her great emotional pain throughout the series. Catra, instead, believes she is being told she has no worth, and isn't even allowed to make her own decisions. It's hurtful, and it's part of why she tensed so badly at Adora for trying to tell her what to do earlier. We see this realization cross young Catra's face: she feels forgotten in this moment.

We see the young girls walking away from SW's chamber, Adora with her hand around Catra's shoulder. This comfort is not enough... Catra really needed Adora to stand up for her there, to come clean, and she didn't. Trying to comfort her now seems hollow. As they flash to their present selves, Catra knocks Adora's arm aside in frustration, accusing her of needing to play the hero.

Adora responds, saying she was only trying to protect her. Catra's next words tell the real truth of their childhood: "You never protected me! Not in any way that would put you on SW's bad side!" Adora at first chafes at this statement, feeling like she did try to protect her, then crosses over to confusion at the strength of Catra's assertion. Catra is telling Adora she was blind to her pain. She wasn't there for her, and this is very much at the core of Catra's disappointment with Adora: the fact that she never stayed, never tried to understand. Adora let SW control her, make her ambitious, and so Catra was put to the side of that, and over time Adora grew apart from her. Catra’s exact words here are important: she says that Adora ‘plays’ at being the hero, yet always seemingly protected her status as the favorite, never standing up to SW and risking harm onto herself in order to save Catra from pain.

And so, the fact that out of seemingly out of nowhere, Adora decides to risk everything and defect in order to fight for people she doesn't even know, insults Catra. Adora abandons and consequently fights against her own people, leaving Catra behind, unilaterally treating her as an enemy. Never, in their whole lives, did Adora ever fight for Catra, only offering affection afterwards to make up for the cruelties that happened to Catra. So no, Catra doesn't want Adora to save her, or her sympathy, when she seemingly cared so little about her pain. Adora was no hero to her.

Now an obvious question might be: if the manipulation is that Adora is supposed to protect and control Catra, then shouldn't she have had to see SW abuse Catra for it to work? The first part of the answer is that it was never really about that, once the idea was put in Adora’s head, SW used it to manipulate her further into a mentality where Adora would accept praise, promotion on her path to becoming a force captain.

The other is that when someone is being hurt like Catra was in that moment... if the one person in the world who is supposed to get it doesn't get it... then it becomes very hard to ever bring it up to them again. It's a specific type of hurt and abandonment: for Catra, she goes on to believe that this is her burden, that somehow she alone is supposed to learn these hard lessons. And so she doesn't tell Adora about the abuse. Also, keep in mind that they are small children, and Catra doesn't want Adora to hurt like she does... so she's actually protecting her, in her mind. But the fact that time goes by and Adora never seemed to care, to stop and see Catra's pain, was very hurtful to her. And Catra’s feelings of betrayal at Adora’s not seeing the hurt are justified: in episode 1, we see Adora watch SW menace Catra, then happily run off to accept her promotion, only remembering to check on Catra as an afterthought. Catra needed Adora's support, and never really got it.

[pic caption: (left to right) Adora’s apparent willful ignorance of the abuse.]

So Catra believes she learns these hard lessons so Adora won't have to, but is left alone in her pain. This also means that SW specifically abused Catra at times and in places so Adora wouldn't be aware, which again, tells us it was never really about making Adora responsible for Catra's decisions. No, the reasons were much darker, and Catra bore it all alone.

The girls flash to their younger selves, and Catra accuses Adora: "Admit it, you love being her favorite." Catra is telling Adora that she was disappointed and hurt that Adora kept accepting praise and privilege from SW, after that moment when she so clearly should have seen how SW abused her, and the maliciousness of the death threat. In Catra’s mind, Adora could have rejected SW. As painful as it is for a small child to be without any parents, it would have been the right thing to do, for Catra. SW was no good to Catra, and they could have shared the pain of being orphans who only had each other, but instead Catra ended up bearing all of the abuse while Adora was given privilege.

Adora denies this assertion, and yet she did accept the privilege SW offered her. Catra's next words show how ignorant Adora was to the realities of their lives as they flash back to their present selves: "Oh yeah? When you left, who do you think took the fall for you? Who was protecting me then ?" Catra bore all the abuse and punishment for Adora's leaving, and Adora wasn't there to see it. Catra did this bravely for Adora, in fact, up until before Princesse Prom, Catra did everything she could to cover for Adora, just like she asked, protecting her, hoping she'd come back to her. But Adora shows no understanding at all for what Catra went through, she didn't even think about what must have been happening to her. Adora has never taken the time to think about how her actions affect Catra's life.

Adora counters, suggesting that Catra could leave the Horde, and therefore get away from SW's abuse. Catra just glares back at her, disappointed. Catra knows running from the abuse won't solve anything.

::What this comes down to is a totally different understanding of the world. For Adora, she thinks she became a hero for leaving the Horde, and becoming She-ra. She doesn't realize she was lucky to fall into the situation she did, with Bow and Glimmer helping her gain acceptance and protecting her. She's totally unaware that the reality that her becoming She-ra is a manipulation born out of evil intent. For Catra, she's always known that the world is harsh, and that bad people exist who will try to destroy you. She's not afraid to fight, she's had no choice learning these harsh truths. It's a jaded view that negatively affects her perceptions of people, but it prepares her for the worst, and so she relies on it. So when Adora suggests she run from it, she rejects her as naive. They flash back to their younger selves after Adora suggests Catra can leave like she did, and Catra accusingly points out that she doesn't need to follow Adora around. That they're children is relevant to the previous memory where Adora led Catra into danger, and then didn't protect her. Catra isn't interested in following Adora blindly after she's put her in danger so badly in the past.

Flashing back present selves, Catra tells Adora she doesn't want to leave. As she says this her face conveys her anger at the world, her drive to face SW instead of flee. She says "I'm not afraid of SW anymore, and I'm a better force captain than you ever would have been." Let's take this in parts: Catra won't run from her abuser, she's already planning to take her down. Doing so is important to Catra, as it fixes her world in an important way. And that Adora can't see this just shows how far apart they are now. In Catra's mind, Adora was supposed to stay, and as they rose to power together, they would have supplanted SW, fixing Catra's world. The two of them would have been stronger in the end. But Adora did leave, so Catra impatiently tries to get Adora to see that she won't just run away. If Adora doesn't want to help Catra overcome this evil, then she'll do it on her own.

Her disappointment in Adora for abandoning this fight is apparent, what comes to mind is when Catra calls Adora weak in the Sea Gate episode. And now Catra knows she's got the power to do this, she's a force captain, and if she can just find a reason to depose SW she knows she has the station and fighting ability to take her down. She always knew she could lead, but was happy to let Adora have success because she really didn't want that responsibility. So she points out her superiority, not to show that she's better than Adora, but to tell Adora she was blind to Catra's worth, and to be hurtful to Adora for abandoning her.

They flash back to their child selves: Adora looks at Catra, hurt and confused "You always said you didn't care about things like that." Adora is feeling hurt by the idea that she was unknowingly taking advantage of Catra, because Catra has seemily just told her she was lying.

Now, this next part is important, and it's important that we are seeing Catra's reaction as her child self: Catra looks sad and lonely as Adora finishes her question, and she's crying. Something adult Catra would never let herself do. So we're seeing a much more authentic expression of Catra's hurt and emotions than if it were her present self. What you need to understand here is that those emotions don't really match her words... Catra tells her "Well I was lying, obviously!" But her face says she's angry and hurt at Adora for not seeing her pain.

As she delivers those words her face is full of accusation and insult, she's being dramatic, something we will see Catra do time and time again. She stares down Adora, eyes scrunched up, showing Adora how betrayed she felt by her insensitivity. Then we get sadness, disappointment. Finally, we get a lonely kind of furious sorrow: all that time feeling alone and Adora didn't bother to understand is written on her face.

The tears are still flowing, but as she turns away they shift back to their present selves. Adult Catra looks totally alone, heartbroken.

Ok but how we REALLY know Catra isn't telling the truth is this: almost word for word, this moment exists in episode 1. ANY time you see that happen in this show, you need to look back to find the meaning of it.

>We will need to look in totality of this scene in episode 1: An excited Catra pounces on Adora, asking her what SW said. She sees the badge and takes it. Here's a funny thing, because we see Catra jump on Adora you might think Catra is always like this, she just comes into Adora's space as she pleases. But once Catra has the badge, we see no anger or jealousy. Just total wonder. She shows nothing but exuberation and happiness for Adora's promotion (pic 1, lower left fyi).

Catra knew this could be the turning point she's been waiting for, that Adora was due for promotion. And so she's jumping all over Adora, full of joy. We only see her attitude change once Adora tells her SW isn't letting her go on missions. And so, we can infer a lot of information from this...

Catra expected this moment to change their lives for the better. That Adora's rising in rank means freedom, the beginning of something new. Some many new things, in Catra's case. But Catra definitively shows us in this scene that she doesn't desire the success for herself. She only shows happiness for Adora, for them together, and she's ecstatic. (pic 1, fyi)

This, in Catra's mind, probably means the start of their romantic lives. If Adora is the force captain that brings them to victory, SW won't be able to just trample all over their lives. Catra can begin letting down some walls, maybe even let Adora pursue her romantically. If they're together, and Adora is on her side because of that, she becomes safe from her abuser. It's a much better outcome than trying to fight SW, but that's not how the story goes. No, Adora leaves her instead. How's that for emotional whiplash? All of these truths are laid bare in s3ep5, when we see Catra's perfect reality, when she and Adora are together romantically. Catra only wants to be safe and to be loved, but when Adora leaves her she loses trust in the goodness of Adora, and in people in general.

> Adora tells Catra she shouldn't be surprised she's been cut of of the mission because she's so rude to SW, to which Catra responds by calling Adora a people pleaser, then storming off in anger...

::Note, as this is important: Adora is taking SW’s side, and not Catra’s, which is entirely opposite of their early childhood memory of Octavia. It shows how Adora had started listening to the negative judgements others placed on Catra...

>Adora goes after Catra, finding her sulking on the roof. Catra is angry, betrayed by the world, at the injustice that SW is in her life. Adora asks "I didn't even think you wanted to be a force captain?" Catra tossed the badge at her, saying she doesn't. Then she folds her body up, holding herself. Adora sees this, but doesn't touch her. She's being careful to respect Catra's boundaries. But the anger Catra feels here isn't about being denied the chance to be a force captain, it's at all the hurt that SW has dealt her and continues to do so. And Adora doesn't see that, which disappoints Catra. But, she's unable to verbalize it herself, she is too insecure in her emotional vulnerability, so she lets it slide.

What we have here is two different instances of the same question with two different answers, but in both cases Catra is telling the truth. In episode 1, it's the truth that she doesn't care about being a force captain because of her love for Adora, and the promise, in her mind, that they will eventually be together. In episode 11, Catra then says she lied, and this now is also true: Catra did think about what she was going through, all the pain and sacrifices she made for Adora, which were done in the name of love. But Adora doesn't love her the way that Catra loves Adora, instead leaving her behind. And so now that Adora didn't ever see how excellent a person Catra actually was, how dedicated to her she is, and the pain she was willing to bear for her sake, it does matter. Because that's shitty of her, and so now Catra will survive on her own by her own excellence, her strength that Adora never stopped to see. So Catra is guilting Adora, trying to make her see how blind and unfeeling she is.

>Back to ep11: Catra tries to walk away from Adora, who desperately chases her, trying to understand why Catra is becoming so distant, wanting her to tell her what's wrong. She reaches out for Catra's shoulder in one last attempt to get Catra to talk, she knows touching Catra could maybe get her to be more open. But the truth is Adora has been far too easy on Catra, she needs to be more forceful if she wants Catra to talk, which she later comes to understand... she's been coddling Catra, and so Catra is allowed to wallow in her unhealthy mental states.

Catra takes Adora's hand, forcefully holding it away from her and delivering a hurtful line: "Why do you think I gave the sword back to you in the fright zone? I didn't WANT you to come back, Adora!" This hits Adora like a load of bricks, her dismay is evident. And it's all true, which is the sad part. Catra was already preparing to cut ties with Adora, as even by that point she had come to a realization, a decision: if Adora doesn't want to be with her, then she'll do it herself. She will do the hard things on her own.

She turns away from Adora, looking hurt and betrayed. And Adora is at a complete loss, she doesn't know this side of Catra, this part of her that has survived hardship all these years... she lets her leave, not knowing what to do.

Adora is then attacked by the security, which takes up her time. As that happens, we see memories only shown to Catra. Catra runs, emotionally overwhelmed as all the unfair judgements, the abuse, and hollow apologies ring out around her. All the years of frustration and sadness weigh on her, she tries to keep it together, lashing out at the holograms. She falls to her knees, fighting back emotion and trying not to cry, her inner, vulnerable self is near the surface, and she's trying not to break down in tears over all of the hurt she's had to bear...

… and then she hears soft crying...

She turns to see her younger, tiny self, crying. Then, a tiny Adora joins the tiny Catra. Unlike the other memories, Catra never flashes into her younger self, she just watches...

The tiny Adora pulls the blanket down, Catra hisses at her... Adora sits down next to her tenderly. And we finally get the promise, the two parts that Adora has so tragically broke...

Adora tells her "It doesn't matter what they do to us, you know? You look out for me, and I look out for you... nothing really bad can happen as long as we have each other." The tiny Catra looks at Adora, wanting to trust her, to believe in her. As she says the question, present Catra echos it: "You promise ?" This was a sacred moment that gave Catra hope as a young orphan, that maybe she would be ok.

And so, the present Catra echoes it. Adora tells her she promises, as the skeptical present Catra looks on. Tiny Catra is still sad, insecure... she hugs Adora, needing this. Adora suggests they go back out to play... and we see tiny Catra look at her, still afraid, reluctant, wanting to stay. But she decides to trust Adora, and so they walk out, holding hands. Then something unique happens. Tiny Catra stops to look up at her present self: note, this is entirely a unique moment in the simulation, it never happened in reality... and yet Catra is given this moment...

The innocent child stares up Catra, making her see her. It's a look full of meaning, it doesn't carry any specific emotion... only innocence. Catra is having an inner child moment. That most deep and innocent part of her, her vulnerable self who feels love, is communicating with her. It's asking her to see it's vulnerability, and it's pain. Catra sees this, all of the pain Adora has caused her, the breaking of the promise, the promise that this innocent part of her was holding on to desperately with hope. She is forced to acknowledge Adora's disloyalty to her, her carelessness. Catra is reflecting on how she did her absolute best to keep that promise, even after Adora failed to look out for her in SW's chamber. Catra was so loyal and so good to Adora all of their lives; she made sure Adora had a good life, and she played by SW's rules so Adora could be the chosen one, wanting to protect her. All in the hope that they would be together, and that their love was real. But Adora couldn't even do that much, she left her. And Adora doesn't understand her, she doesn't even seem to miss her.

[pic 9: Broken Promises, Catra’s inner child, The Hero goes Her Own Way].

Present Catra watches her tiny self leave, coming to the tough realization: that she's never been able to trust Adora, not really. Her love isn't reciprocated, not by her standards.

…. which makes Adora a deeply unsafe person to Catra...

Catra survived SW's abuse, learning to believe in herself, protect herself because no one else would. All while keeping this hope of love in her heart, this vulnerable core of herself that has tenderness and loves Adora, and needs love back. But, her need for love goes to such a deep vulnerability that giving in to it and then again being rejected or forgotten by Adora would simply destroy her. SW held the threat of death over Catra’s head her entire life, and Catra resisted it, got through it by being tough and trusting in herself. So now she sees she can't trust Adora: everything that happened since she left her behind, the fact that Adora always treats her as an enemy, that she seems to show no lingering desire for her, and doesn't even seem to miss her while replacing her with new friends, seems to confirm her worst fears. Fears that have been building over the years, starting when Adora broke their promise in SW's chamber, and then as Adora pursued her success while accepting praise and privilege from SW, ignoring the abuse Catra bore because of it. She decides she can't trust Adora. Love is a lie, a weakness. A weakness that could destroy her last bit of individuality, and belief in the world.

And so, Catra, The Survivor, makes the decision... in her mind it's the brave one, just like way back when and she decided to bravely stand up to SW's abuse and not let it destroy her: she will stand up to the threat that is the weakness of her love for Adora. Adora is selfish, she doesn't deserve Catra's love. She was stupid to believe that love was even possible, for someone like her… who has always been ignored, and told she is unworthy of praise or even existence. There's only one thing left for her to do: she will be alone, strong on her own, for herself.

Her gaze hardens... that part of her that has made sure she survived SW's abuse, and made sure she won fights when she was threatened, is now the decider. It will protect her from her vulnerability, and reject Adora for her. I suppose you might be confused as to what I'm referring, or maybe not... If you haven't had to fight for your life, whether physically, mentally, or otherwise, you might not know this side of yourself well. But we all have it, it's The Survivor. And while I knew mine would protect me, I didn't accept it as my real self, I didn't accept its necessary but vicious deeds as my own. This is very much how Catra is, and as the series goes on she puts this survivor in charge of more and more decisions, we watch her deteriorate as this part of her gets out of control, protecting her from darkness with more darkness. All the while her vulnerable inner self suffers, watching the horrible deeds and becoming more and more alone, desperate for affection.

>Adora is outnumbered, eventually ending up hanging from the cliff's edge by spider webs. She hears Catra return, dealing with the spiders. Adora looks up, hopeful because Catra has returned...

Catra saunters in. Let me say a few things before we go through this part: Catra is about to say a lot of things that aren't really true. They are instead meant to be hurtful to Adora, Catra is being intentionally mean. We shouldn't take her exact words as her authentic beliefs, because they're not... no, Catra is doing what she believes she has to so she can be apart for Adora, and be safe from her. The truth is, Catra needs to be away from Adora. She's too scared of the vulnerability that is her love for Adora, because Adora hasn't shown her that she cares. And she can't do that by defecting, no, she must stay with the Horde. It's the only thing she feels there is left for her to do.

Now, let's go through this: and heads up: I'm getting at something very powerful that's going on here that you may not have realized. This speech is, in fact, a heroic moment. A heroic moment... for Catra. Not Adora, for Catra. And you just need to open your ears to hear it...

"Hey Adora."

🎶 is sad

"Catra! Help me, please!"

"This thing wouldn't work for me if I tried, would it? It only works for you... then again, you're special... that's what Shadow Weaver always said..."

🎶 is melancholy

"Catra, what are you doing??"

"Ah, ya know, it all makes sense now... you've always been the one holding me back... you wanted me to think I needed you, you wanted me to feel weak."

🎶 has even tone

"Every hero needs a sidekick, right?"

"Catra that's not how it was.."

🎶 rises, falls, sad (“Promise” begins playing)

*Catra chuckles* "The sad thing is I've spent all this time hoping you'd come back to the Horde... when really you leaving was the best thing that EVER happened to me..."

🎶 lowers, is dark, is dramatic. -Note: we see Catra seemingly become deranged as she says this line. This is Catra deceiving herself out of perceived necessity.

"I am so much stronger than anyone... ever... thought." *she cuts part of the web*

🎶 begins to rise, uplifting

"I wonder what I could have been if I'd gotten rid of you sooner." *she cuts the rest of the web, Adora falls, catching herself*

🎶 rises, is dramatic

"I'm sorry! I never meant to make you feel like you were second best. Please, don't do this."

🎶 is still rising, uplifting

*Catra stands proudly, nobly, looking at the sword. She looks down at Adora, then she casually tosses the sword past her...

🎶 is rising, hopeful, heroic.

"Bye Adora, I really am going to miss you..."

🎶 is heroic, violins now playing, adding depth

*Catra turns and walks away from Adora, proudly*

🎶 has risen to its height, crests, is heroic.

"Catra... Catra, no!!"

🎶 remains high, cresting, heroic

*Adora cries, sad, confused by Catra's leaving her...*

🎶 crests again, fades out...

Ok, so... let's talk about what just happened here. The undeniable conclusion is that this was meant to be a heroic moment, and a damn heroic moment... for Catra. The writers are telling us that Catra leaving is an important part of her hero’s journey, and that it was the right thing to do. You might be wondering, how can that be? The short answer is, Catra is on a hero’s journey unlike all the other hero’s journeys normally portrayed in fiction. All of it, even her darkest deeds, all her cruelty towards Adora, will be part of a very... important... and powerful... journey. One which will forge her into a hero in this series, in her own incredible right... how this is, what she is, is yet to be revealed... but make no mistake, she's a hero. Just not the one you expect…

We see Adora open her eyes, and see Light Hope. She tells Adora to let go. She means of her emotional attachments, as we find out. Adora cries for her lost Catra, that she couldn't bring her back to her. She lets go...

BIG ASSERTION TIME: Now, I know it's a common theory that these memories were all just an elaborate manipulation by Light Hope to divide the girls from each other, but I don't agree with that. No, I believe this was a memory journey guided by Catra, subconsciously, to help her tell Adora why she couldn't come with her, why she has to be apart.

Take for instance the memories and visions that Adora sees when she's on her way to the Heart of Etheria in season 5: this system exists apart from Light Hope, who dies at the end for season 4. This simulation comes from somewhere more primal: in my belief, it is the deep magic of Etheria being visualized through the First One's tech. We see the simulation show Catra the promise memory, something Adora isn't shown at all, and then allows her to see her inner child's hurt. Something deeper is going on here, and you should consider how strongly the magic of Etheria is resonating with Catra when it does. Because the magic of Etheria will again speak directly to Catra, this isn't the last time... In short, the magic helps the two of them to understand each other, because Catra is an important part of Adora's true She-ra journey.

I also believe that a theme of this series is that abusers, like L. Hope, are not perfect vindictive manipulators. They are flawed, and L. Hope in particular, I believe, is no genius: she fails time and time again. That L. Hope uses the moment to get Adora to let go is her using the moment to her advantage, she didn't play ultimate control over it. She just piggy backed on Catra's hurt to do it. So that last memory really was for Catra... Furthermore, I simply cannot believe L.Hope would understand the concept of the inner child… as she can't even understand sarcasm.

But now, because of this, Adora now knows of Catra's pain... and this is the beginning of Adora's long journey back to Catra, of her repairing their bond…

Let's address the obvious counterpoint: Adora now knows that Catra is hurt, but she doesn't yet understand why. And it's not really her fault, as Catra doesn't know how to talk about her feelings, among other things. But it's apparent that Adora doesn't remember these crucial memories as well as Catra does, even though they were critical in her development as well. Adora is a mess of emotions, just like Catra, and (if) she has ADHD, it might be one reason why she doesn't really get Catra. Especially if her parental figure has been manipulating it against her. Adora very much vibrates between stimuli anxiously, so SW might have made her forgetful by distraction over time. Also, the way in which Adora treats Catra as an enemy when she doesn't accept Adora’s (totally rushed, afterthought, and hollow) ultimatum that she defect with her, is a reflection of Adora's ingrained Horde war training… this is something she has to unlearn, as it is wrong. But Adora is a good person, she really, truely, is, because Adora never stops trying to make it better. And so, she slowly, but surely, comes to understand Catra’s trauma.

We get one last scene of Catra returning to the fright zone. We get to see Catra's truth here: She walks, as if she's not even there, she's deadened by the sorrow and the inevitability of what her life will now be: one of hard work, and zero joy. She will try her best to stand on her own, and put Adora out of her heart, slamming its doors shut against love. It doesn't work, but that's what she's trying to do, nonetheless. This is the beginning of a profound depression that builds over the next 3 seasons, and combined with new traumas, nearly takes her life.

But the tech Catra has brought back will end up giving her what she needs to face down and depose SW, just like she needed...

::Here is another complicated twist that's so essential to She-ra as a series: Catra, in fact, protects Adora by taking down SW. Catra may go on to command the Hordes forces so effectively that it pushes the Princess alliance harder than it's ever been pushed before, but her deposing SW is extremely important in the story. She both removes SW’s ability to attack Adora, and then denies her any sorcerous power by taking the Black Garnet from her, since SW needs an external source to draw power from in order to use her vampiric powers...

Ok so more theory time: it's a common belief that Catra stays with the Horde, and goes on to try to conquer the world out of some deep need to externally validate herself, and to prove she was the better child by beating Adora. I don't think any of these explanations are true. Catra may go on to play such a character on a surface level, but every time she professes to have any such ambitions, she is either in the presence of Adora, or under incredible stress. In the one case, she's saying those things to try to hurt Adora, and make her see how naive and foolish Adora always was, especially now that Adora thinks she can fight against her.

In the other case, it's actually her survivor mechanism trying to take over, to make her world safe. In every case where Catra says something about ambition, somewhere in that scene, Catra shows the distinct emotions of her true inner self: generally, these emotions are sorrow, fear, and loneliness. They don't exist on screen long, they are what is known as micro expressions. (See below for a short discussion of Catra’s micro expressions.)

To put it simply, the only reason Catra stays with the Horde is so she has somewhere she can be separate from her feelings and heartbreak over Adora, and then she climbs the ranks in order to find safety, first from SW, and then Hordak, once he threatens her life with his temper tantrums. That she fights against Adora is just a collateral consequence, she isn't out to get Adora, but nor does she care if Adora gets hurt, because she’s hurt her. Catra does fight against the princesses, though (including She-ra).

A core feature of Catra's character is indeed one of personal power. She's a person who is told to hurry up and die at an early age, but refused to do so. So her arc, her issue, isn't a cautionary tale about chasing validation, it's about her overcoming her fear of vulnerability and allowing herself to rely on others in a way that lets her be safe without needing to combat the darkness with more darkness. But vulnerability scares her because of the abuse she experienced.

As for validation, the only person she would want that from is Adora. This is because Catra believes in herself already: that she has a sacred right to exist, no matter what SW and others may tell her (note: Adora struggles with this, she's actually the one who seeks validation). But, she also needs love, and she is too fearful that Adora doesn't really love her and is afraid of being hurt by that. It's also why I think she's so chaotic towards Adora: her inner child tells her adult self to protect her from her love for Adora, which it tries to do, but that same child misses and needs Adora in so many ways. So she's trying to be mean to compensate for the incredible desire she feels towards Adora. I love it when Adora calls her a brat in season 5, it's such a well deserved line, mmhhmmm.

Actual discussions of how these particulars play out in the show are better left for another time, but there you have it.

Promise sidebar discussions: Catra’s micro expressions; Catra nearly dies at the Battle of Bright Moon

“White Out” microexpression discussion: [see pics below] This is the first time since the Battle of Bright Moon that Catra and Adora meet. So it's a good time to talk about Catra’s micro expressions. Picture 1: Adora says “Hey, Catra” out of the blue and Catra is completely blindsided, she figured she wouldn't be bothered out in the middle of nowhere. She's anxious and unhappy to be seeing Adora. Along with her suspicious absence the episode before in “Roll With It”, the answer is obvious: Catra has been avoiding Adora. She may have cut ties with her in “Promise”, nearly bested her at the Battle of BM, but she doesn't want to see her. She doesn't know what she feels about her.

Picture 2: Enraged monsters are decimating the base, and a battle breaks out over the corrupted disc. Catra is desperately trying to protect it, because she can control Adora if she has it... and she needs this chance to have her back. As Catra reaches to pick it up, she's facing away from everyone and so no one can see her desperation and sadness from missing Adora. (pic 2) Shortly after, we also see her clutch the disc desperately to her chest in a way that's very endearing, right before the monster attacks her and makes her drop it. Then, as she's about to die in its jaws because she doesn't want to give Adora up again, Scorpia breaks the disc and saves her life. We see in this episode as Catra completely loses track of her emotions, and now realizes she has to come to terms with the fact that she's so desperately sad from missing Adora, she was willing to die just for a chance to have her back.

Pic 3: Catra hates working for the Horde. She HATES it. She gets zero joy from the job, and she’s already figured out that Hordak will kill her if she screws up too badly. She didn't want this job, plain and simple, but now feels stuck with it. None of this is the life she wanted. Combining this knowledge against Catra’s declaration to Adora at the end of Promise, we know she's not happy that she had to go her own way...

Catra’s near death experience at the Battle of Bright Moon

At the Battle of Bright Moon, Catra leads Adora (She-ra) away. They battle, but then Catra retreats and instead starts listing out every single worst fear of failure she thinks Adora has. It's a dark moment, she's acting much like SW did to them as children, and we watch her manipulation take root in Adora. Finally, her words are too much, and as Catra looks down at Adora's (She-ra's) back, we see Adora become deranged, overcome with her fear of failing everyone... (pic1, above) she picks up a boulder and throws it directly at Catra. Catra is knocked flying, and only by the barest of margins does she keep from falling to her death. Adora nearly kills Catra. And so, as Adora drags Catra up from the cliff and slams her into the wall, we see a totally heartbroken and emotionally crushed Catra. In this moment, Catra believes all of her worst fears are confirmed: Adora only cares about being She-ra, so much so that Adora would kill her in the name of being that hero. Catra uses this moment, this belief, to justify her division from Adora. Sadly, she's wrong... she's ignoring the seriousness of the threat that the battle poses, and as Adora was facing away from her during that moment, she doesn't see the terror and desperation Adora experiences due to her cruel words…

Oh, and one more thing before we go: when Catra says “What, did you really think this was about you ?” SPOILER ALERT: It was. Because She-ra is one big Catradora story… and we love it.

As always, thanks for reading. <3

~EtheriaDearie

P.S. :: as I am new to tumblr, if you enjoyed reading this, please consider giving me a reblogg! Thanks!! 🙇💛

#she ra #spop #she ra and the princesses of power #catradora #happy birthday Catra #catra #she ra shadow weaver #shadow weaver #adora #my writing #thanks for reading #she ra synopsis #she ra fan theory #she ra meta

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transgirl-catra · 3 years

Text

Alright i started writing snippets from the catradora firefly au I've been kicking around for a while as a way of beating writer's block so. here u go if that sounds interesting.

“Understood, captain. Running dark until your signal,” Entrapta’s voice crackles over the intercom, enthusiastic as ever even in the face of the worst possible danger. As loathe as she is to admit it, Catra finds it… comforting, in a strange way.

“Thanks ‘trapta. I’ll hit the light when we’re clear. Stay shiny.” Catra returns as she settles herself into the captain’s chair. She can hear her engineer start to echo the statement before the last traces of power bleed out of the onboard comms.

The main generator shuts off with an abrupt clunk, the sudden deceleration of the flywheel shuddering the entire ship with a force that she can feel even all the way forward, about the furthest point on the entire ship. They still have some power, of course. The life support systems and the low-powered emergency lights along the base of the walls switch seamlessly over to batteries. But crucially, batteries don’t make noise. Meaning that the entire ship is completely, eerily quiet.

And with that, there’s nothing for them to do but wait as the Melog coasts forward on its own momentum. Catra hates this part, no matter how many times she’s done it. She trusts her crew, of course. And she trusts Melog, even if no one else does. And she, at least mostly, trusts herself. Which is exactly the problem. Running dark means having absolutely no control over the ship. Playing dead and hoping to pass yourself off as just another piece of space junk until you can skate by unnoticed, before powering back up and putting as much distance as possible between yourself and whatever you were hiding from before they can turn around and catch up.

They’re almost in the shadow of the reaver ship now, darkness filling the glass of the viewport and blocking out the last bit of light that Catra has. It’s huge, easily a dozen times the displacement of the Melog at a low estimate. Far, far too large to be out this far into alliance space normally.

That’s an advantage for them, she tries to remind herself. A larger ship means its easier for Melog to slip by unnoticed, really.

It sure doesn’t feel like one. They’re all the way under, now. It would be absolutely trivial for a ship this size to pull them in, and then…

Catra cuts herself off before she can start thinking about what would happen next, gripping the armrest so hard that she can feel it creak under the strain. Deep breaths, she tells herself. There’s nothing she can do now but wait.

Time is crawling now, despite the fact that Melog is moving as fast as she was when she went dark. Catra is trying, she really is. Drawing breath, counting to five, exhaling. Over and over again. It’s tenuous, but she still feels present at least. It's her duty as captain to be the one to stay aware during situations like this, and she intends to do it.

Maybe it's the stress of the day, the unexpected return of someone she thought was out of her life for good, or maybe its the fact that she could swear she sees something shift on the vessel above them, even though it’s probably just a trick of the slight warping of the viewport glass. Either way, something snaps. Catra draws her arms to her shoulders and pulls her legs into the chair, pressing her knees to her chest, the panic that's been swimming around the edges of her mind finally consuming her. Her breaths are sharp now, failing to draw much in the way of useful oxygen. She can see her reflection clearly in the glass before she screws her eyes shut. She looks pathetic. The fearless smuggler, Catra D’riluth, captain of the last of the fireflies, reduced to a crying mess. This is why she had come up here the second they spotted the ship. She can’t let anyone see her like this.

-------------- “I just… can’t believe they’re actually real,” Glimmer says nervously, staring at the scrap of napkin that she’s folded and unfolded dozens of times in the last few minutes, “I thought that they were just a campfire story”

“Oh yeah! They’re actually pretty routine out here, honestly,” Scorpia answers with a disturbing amount of cheer. “A lot worse than the stories, though.” She adds, making Glimmer and Bow cling to each other even tighter, somehow.

“Scorp. Not helping,” Lonnie interjects from the other end of the dining table where she’s been perpetually checking and rechecking her gun ever since the lights went out. “She does mean it about the routine, though. Get up and walk around if you need to. We might be like this for a while.”

“Okay. right. Adora, you need anything? Food? Water?” Glimmer asks, turning her gaze over her shoulder to where Adora had been sitting against the wall just a moment ago, only to find it completely empty.

“Fuck”

-----------------

Catra is almost on the verge of passing out, simply allowing the panic to pull her under, when she feels a hand softly brush against her own Normally, being touched unexpectedly when she’s like this would send her jumping out of her own skin, earning whoever was responsible a quick claw to the face. But there’s… a strange familiarity to this one, the way the fingers start to press between her own and the way that her own allow them to do so, parting without resistance as they slowly intertwine.

Scorpia doesn’t really have fingers to do this with. Entrapta tends to be pretty respectful about the no-touching-me-without-warning rule (and would also probably be using her hair). Lonnie, much like Catra herself, is just… not a very touchy person in general, outside of her partners. Which means…

Adora is silently standing in the doorway when Catra manages to look over her shoulder, those wide, pale-blue eyes almost glowing in the darkness.

“I’m fine, okay? Go back to the mess with everyone else, your friends are probably looking for you,” Catra manages to choke out, despite the fact that she is, very visibly, not fine.

Adora stands her ground wordlessly. But no matter how much time and distance is between them, Catra and Adora don’t need words anymore. She knows what that pleading look means on a basic, almost instinctual level: let me help?

“Fine. You can stay,” Catra relents more out of curiosity than anything else. Something in her just has to know if the girl that she fell in love with is still somewhere inside this strange, broken shell of a person that’s wound up wandering her ship.

Adora looks delighted at that, more emotion on her face than Catra has seen since she climbed out of that cryo-crate as she steps forward, never letting her hand leave Catra’s shoulder until she’s effectively draped herself over the back of the chair. Only then does she allow it to move, wrapping her arms around Catra’s chest and dropping to press her face into Catra’s hair, brushing slightly against her ears as she does so.

And then she starts humming, and that’s when Catra knows. The rise and fall of the song is familiar, because they’ve done this more times than Catra can count. Catra doesn’t even like this song, really. Just some old thing from their homeworld, romanticized ideals of freedom in space that have never really been true. But it was the one that Adora knew how to sing reliably. And so she did, over and over again whenever Catra’s anxiety got bad. In their bunks as children, on the battlefield, dozens of other places throughout their life.

Even just from Adora humming the tune against her, Catra can feel her breathing starting to calm down, her body starting to unwind.

She didn’t even realize she had started muttering the words that go with it under her breath, in absence of Adora being able to use her voice. She didn’t even know she still remembered them, really.

Adora shifts against her, and Catra can see her expression of surprise reflected in the glass. She hadn’t been expecting this to work, but she still had to try.

“Of course I still know it, dumbass,” Catra says, voice still shaking as she elbows Adora lightly, “Start over?”

Adora obliges, burying her face in Catra’s hair again and resuming the tune from the start. And Catra allows herself to sing for the first time in… god knows how long, honestly, her soft voice filling the cockpit and mixing with Adora’s humming. It’s shaky, at first. She’s rusty and stressed and hits all the notes just a little to the left of where they should be, voice nearly breaking on some of the higher ones. But she gets progressively more steady as it goes, and it feels good to be working in tandem with Adora again, regardless of her feelings about the sudden reunion.

By the time the song finishes, they’re well clear of the other ship, and Catra releases a long breath as she slips her hand from Adora’s, flipping the red switch on the console to turn on the signal in the engine room. Seconds later, the Melog roars back to life, Catra ordering Scorpia to punch the throttle. The danger has passed now.

Catra pushes Adora’s arms off her as she stands up, desperate to reestablish her walls.

“You should go back to your friends. They’re probably still worried about you. And I have a ship to run.”

Adora looks… sad, almost. But she nods, and then disappears down the hallway. She’s gone almost as quickly as she had appeared.

Leaving Catra with one answer, and a whole universe of new questions.

#my writing #firefly au #this isnt gonna turn into a real fic but flora convinced me to post the snippets here so

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nonbinarychaoticstupid · 3 years

Note

c or e (maybe both?) for the ask game

>:) (also he/they/she catra because i'm having too much fun with this hc)

this kinda fits the angst more than the fluff but i hope u like it nonetheless! (also. ending properly? who's that?)

Everything hurts.

Everything hurts, and he can't stop crying -

(Catra knows they're asleep, or dreaming, or dead, because there's no way any of this is real, there's no way Adora is real and Adora came back for her and there's no way Adora could possible be here right now and -)

"I'm going to take you home," she says, distantly, and if she could hear past the humming of the hive mind in her ears she might be able to -

Prime's voice howls in their ears, and it hurts, and Catra grits their teeth and forces out a choked whimper that somehow, somehow ends in "P-promise?" and oh, he's going to pay for fighting back like that, and the thought isn't their own - Adora -

"I promise," Adora says - no, sobs - and he wonders, somewhere in the closed-off portion of his mind Prime seems to have relinquished, if he'd be allowed to reach across the fragile space between them and fall into Adora's arms like he wants to, if the mind pressing hard against his own would allow him that small reprieve.

(They wonder if Adora would hold them back, if she'd let them sink into their arms like they've wanted to for years and never let go. They wonder if she'd - if she'd recoil at their touch - if -)

Something inside her lurches free of Prime's grip, that instinct that keeps her clutching at her arms and trembling and sobbing out here on this lonely platform jutting out into empty space, and Catra - stars, she just wants to be home again - Catra reaches out and chokes out a broken, soft, "Adora-" and -

It happens so quickly they barely have time to register it - pain lances up their body, they cry out, because it's - it's so much worse, it's so much more than when Prime drowned them in the pool, and then the world is white and blank and gone and they're floating in silence, in nothingness, devoid of thought and emotion and everything except vague, passive knowledge of the world trembling around them. And it's quiet, and Catra - and Catra -

When the world comes back to him, it's framed in harsh, blinding black-and-white-and-green light, in tears spilling from the eyes of the blue-eyed girl standing, frozen in terror, at the other end of the universe, in green-edged lightning and in the kind of pain he'd grown used to feeling almost every day of his life.

When the world comes back to Catra, they are screaming.

(And they could fill pages and pages of the notebooks they used to hide under Adora's mattress with every fragment of this pain, with every inch of their body being burned and turned into ash and electrified by the chip in the back of their neck. They could spend hours trying to pin down every heartbeat of it, magnified and so, so much more intense than what they grew up with.

But before Catra can form that thought properly, pushing at the barriers in her mind, before she can do anything except catch a fleeting glimpse of the cry pulling at Adora's lips through white-hot nothing, the brief flashes of the world she has been allowed to see vanish and she topples backward into nothing -

He topples backward into nothing, and he feels what fragile hold on consciousness he hand slip away, and he feels the breath rattle out of his lungs and thinks, desperately, echoing in the vast empty hollow of his mind Prime must have vacated, ADORA - )

Catra is dead.

She knows this with unbreakable certainty, knows this the heartbeat she pulls her broken, bleeding body against her and feels her breath stalling and shaking and shattering out of her body. And it tears something deep inside her apart.

She's trembling with the force of it, fumbling for the back of the head of the body in her arms, feeling the new ends of the hair she must have fought so hard to try and keep and the chip embedded in the back of her neck.

Catra is dead, and Adora is clinging to all that's left of her in the bottom of an impossibly vast spaceship, and in all her life she's never felt as alone, as - as desperately empty as she does right now, and -

And the pit of despair and the hole in her heart shatter wide open.

And Adora moulds that rage, that grief, into something - more.

It's beyond anything he's ever known. It's colder and brighter and darker and softer than anything he's ever known, and it's coursing through his veins and tugging at the fraying edges of his mind and -

Catra takes her first breath in what could have been forever and knows, instinctively, that she was dead.

She was dead, and the thing pulling at their mind and their soul and their body is what brought them back.

And said thing is holding them right now, cradling their head in her rough, familiar hands and - and crying -

Catra takes another breath, one that turns into something like a cough, and opens his eyes - and - and there she is, glowing and crying quietly and playing gently with the newly-cut ends of his hair , and it's been so long since they've been this close and smiled at each other like this and he opens his mouth and mumbles "H-hey, Adora," and she sobs and pulls them into her arms -

Stars.

They - they didn't think they'd ever be held like this again. They didn't think it was possible for someone to want to hold them like this. But Adora - Adora, who wasn't supposed to come for her, who saved her, who literally just brought her back from death - is pulling Catra against her like she's never held her before and she can't bring herself to do anything but wrap her arms around her and bury her face in her shoulder and let out a small, broken noise that turns into purring.

Purring.

Adora is holding them for the first time in years and crying into Prime's weird plastic-y shirt and Catra is purring.

You came back for me.

When Catra wakes up, Adora is in his bed. And his mind, for the first time in what feels like years, is completely and utterly silent. And - and there's a mess of scar tissue where the chip was, and he's warmer than he's been in a long time. (Not hot - warm, warm like falling asleep in a beam of sunlight, warm like being tangled up in Adora's arms again, warm like - warm like being home again.)

He opens an eye. Shuts it again, because Adora is staring directly at them. Mumbles, "You shouldn't have come for me, you know."

(And it's then that they realise that she's practically draped over them, head nestled in the curve of their collarbone, arms looped around their waist like they're 12 again and Adora is the centre of the world and she's holding Catra like she's her moon and -)

"I know."

She opens an eye again. It's dark in here, darker than she expected it to be, and Adora's expression is hopeful and stupid and she glows in the dark like she was when she healed her yesterday and oh-

"... Why did you?"

"Hm?"

Catra breathes out, long and slow, and shuts his eyes again. And just like that, the glow and Adora's weird bright expression and everything else is gone. And he can practically hear her thinking next to him, hand looping up to stroke his hair like they're kids again. "Why did you come back for me?"

"Oh." Adora pauses, swallows. "Well, I guess it's because I still -"

He laughs, feeling hollow. "Still care about me? After I, I don't know, tried to kill you multiple times? Almost destroyed reality?"

"Yes," she says, firmly, and rolls onto her back. Catra would mourn the loss of her warmth if their head wasn't spinning. "I told you. Yesterday. I never hated you. I never stopped caring about you."

She's lying. She's lying. She's-

"I know you think I'm lying," Adora murmurs. Catra tenses. "I know you think you're not worth being saved. I know you think I'd never come back for you, because you don't think you deserve it."

"I don't," he mumbles. "I hurt people. You aren't supposed to want me around. You - you weren't supposed to come back."

"But I did," she says, slowly, and takes his hand.

(Catra tenses again, and it strains muscles he didn't know could hurt like that, and he bites down hard on his lip and tries not to make a noise because - because then Adora would think of him as - as weak -)

"Does it hurt?"

The question - well, it sort of startles them into opening their eyes and glancing in Adora's direction, and then they have to squeeze them shut again, because she's staring at them with such a hopeful, wide-eyed expression that they -

"Huh?"

"Your neck, I mean." She lets go of their hand, hesitantly, and reaches up to the scars crawling up their shoulder blades. And, oddly, Catra doesn't flinch away when she touches them.

(Because - oh - it's been years since she was touched like that and she's almost forgotten what it felt like and -)

"Um. Kinda," she gets out, and Adora nods, like that makes sense. "Everything hurts, to be honest. Just - everything."

A moment passes, and then Adora lets out a small sigh and breathes, "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"I'm sorry you're in pain," she mumbles. "I'm sorry I can't do anything to fix it."

Well, there's no nice way they can respond to that.

Catra shifts onto their side, gritting their teeth as pain bites at the base of their tail. Adora is still watching them, eyes half-closed, lying on her back on the mattress and biting her lip like she's - nervous.

Hm. Shit.

It takes them a moment, but - but they -

"Adora?"

"Yeah?"

She breathes in. Out. "Can you - um -"

"Go?" she fills in gently. "Stay? Do you need me to - to get off the bed or get you some food or water? Do you -"

"Stars, Adora, I was just gonna ask if you could hold me. You know, like you were when we - when we fell asleep? I - I mean, it's okay if you don't want to, it's not like -"

He's cut off by a pair of strong arms wrapping around his waist, a head settling on his shoulder, and Adora's soft laughter against his collarbone.

Oh.

Okay.

A heartbeat, and then she whispers, "Is this okay?"

"Yeah. This is fine."

#sep texxt #ask #sep's writing #moanla #tw death #tw death mention #tw scars

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catrasredemption-moved · 4 years

Note

hi! if you're still taking Catradora/She-Ra prompts, i'd love to see your take on Catra making progress with her anger and PTSD but having a Bad Day, and how Adora and the others help her through it with love and support. thank you!

((this one gets kind of heavy. TW for slight self-harm))

Some days were fine. Great, even. Some days Catra woke up with a smile and went to bed with one, wrapped in Adora’s arms. Things weren’t perfect, of course. There were plenty of issues, especially between her and Adora. Confessing their love hadn’t fixed everything. But it had allowed them to fall back into some old habits, such as sharing a bed.

(Catra technically had a room next to Adora’s, but it didn’t get much use.)

Today was none of those things. Today was a wake up alone because Adora had to do something day. Today was a wake up with skin crawling and nerves itching and fur on end waiting for a danger that didn’t exist day. Today was a jump at the shadows day.

Today sucked the moment Catra opened her eyes.

Sometimes there were things that set Catra off - specific events or things that would remind her of the bad things. She hated the color green more than anything. A very specific shade of green. Sometimes, someone would say something that rang too close to something Shadow Weaver or Horde Prime had said. Sometimes, Scorpia would use her powers, and the sound would freeze Catra as effectively as Shadow Weaver ever had.

And sometimes it was just a bad day.

Of course, it was a meeting day. Catra couldn’t figure out when exactly she had started getting involved in the meetings. Glimmer had convinced the others that Catra’s strategic abilities would be good for for them; she was good at planning. She always had been. The same skills that had allowed her to make it so far as a Horde leader could be put to good use with rebuilding Etheria. And usually Catra was happy with that.

At that moment, however, she would have given anything to be anywhere other than this bright, exposed room at this stupid table surrounded by loud, chattering princesses. Adora slid in at the last moment, sitting beside Catra and grinning. Catra tried to return the smile. She wasn’t sure it was any good, but Adora was easy to fool. And Glimmer started the meeting as soon as Adora was there, saving Catra from any questioning.

Today’s topic was rebuilding routes between the kingdoms, especially the more far off places like Entrapta’s and Frosta’s. Catra did her best to pay attention, to figure out where she could contribute, but her mind was in other places. Her ears were twitching, knee bouncing, heart pounding. She wasn’t sure if she was anxious or angry or some weird mix of both. She had her claws pressed against her thighs, not breaking the skin, but sharp enough to keep her grounded. She stared at the map on the table without really seeing it. Any other day she probably would have had a dozen ideas.

Today it all ran together as her mind raced.

She tried the breathing exercises Perfuma had taught her, tried the stupid “five things I’m grateful for” thing that Scorpia had said always made her feel better. She tried to focus on Adora’s presence next to her, her constant anchor, her reminder she was safe, she was home. Nothing was working. Nothing was working. It was infuriating. She was safe, she was supposed to be happy, nothing had happened, so why did she feel like this?

She didn’t hear Adora say her name. She barely felt the brush of gentle fingers against her shoulder. But it was enough to jerk her back to reality. Anyone else might have ended up with their face cut open. But Adora had grown up with Catra. She recognized the way Catra’s fingers twitched, the way her muscles bunched, the way her arm drew back, ready to strike. Adora knew to jerk back as Catra lashed out.

It was terrible that part of her was grateful it was Adora.

Silence fell. Adora had her hands up in a placating gesture, expression gentle but concerned. Catra was vaguely aware she was starting to shake. She could feel everyone else staring at her. Judging her. There’s the Catra we all know, the wild animal who can’t control herself, can’t be trusted, it was only a matter of time-

“Hey. You okay?”

Damn it, why did Adora have to sound so fucking worried?

Catra shoved away from the table, muttering, “Can’t be here,” and hurried out before anyone stopped her. She didn’t really remember much of the walk, but somehow she was back at hers and Adora’s room. Melog slunk out from under the bed, mane shifting colors as he tried to figure out what Catra was feeling.

What’s wrong?

“I don’t know!”

She kicked the vanity chair, knocking it over, breathing heavily. “I don’t know, I don’t know what’s wrong, I don’t fucking know, I just - everything-”

She was definitely shaking now. Melog watched her, clearly discontent. You need to breathe.

“I know I need to breathe!”

Her hand was on the back of her neck now. She still remembered that empty, hollow peace she had felt under Prime’s control. It was the only time in her life she could remember not being angry. She hadn’t been happy by any means, but she had been... calm. Sedate. Things she had only ever felt in fleeting moments, there and gone before she had time to comprehend them. Now, after experiencing Prime’s warped version of those feelings, they felt like a cruel joke. How was she ever supposed to be calm without remembering that ship? How was she supposed to feel peace without wanting to disconnect herself in the process?

Melog collided with Catra, knocking her to the ground and very pointedly pinning her arm down. She was confused and annoyed for a moment before she felt something sticky and warm on the back of her neck. Her claws had started to dig in.

“What do you want from me?” The words were barely a whimper. Melog purred, nuzzling her cheek against hers.

That was the position Adora found them in a couple minutes later. She let herself into the room, noting the disturbed vanity chair but lack of any other destruction, which was good. Melog was sitting on Catra, which wasn’t good, and Adora saw the blood on her hands. She knew it wasn’t hers, and it probably wasn’t Melog’s, and no one had raised the alarm about Catra attacking them since she’d left the meeting, so...

Adora went to the bathroom and returned with the first-aid kit. Only then did Melog move, letting Catra sit up. She didn’t say anything as Adora settled behind her, cleaning up her neck. It wasn’t too deep, at least.

“What happened?” she asked as she worked.

“Nothing,” Catra muttered.

“Bad day.”

“No. Nothing happened.”

“That doesn’t mean you can’t have a bad day.” Catra hissed as Adora gently disinfected the wound. “I have them too, ya know. I wake up and everything just feels tense and on edge and like I’m waiting for something to happen even though there’s nothing that could happen.” Catra wilted slightly. She had never noticed that. “I usually punch it out. None of Perfuma’s breathing stuff works for me.”

She finished bandaging the wound, pressing a small kiss to it when she was done. “Can I hold you?” Catra nodded stiffly. Strong arms wrapped around her waist, pulling her in until her back was flush with Adora’s chest. Adora rested her forehead between Catra’s shoulder blades. “Has Bow ever told you about his dad?”

“No.”

“He fought in the war years ago, during the First Princess Alliance. He doesn’t like to talk much about it, but he... understands feeling this way, I guess. Bow’s dragged me there to see him a few times. There’s a lot of snacks and tea. It helps, though. There are actual words for these feelings, you know? Not just angry, because I know it’s more than that, but words that really describe it.”

Catra hesitated before asking, “Like what?”

“PTSD is the most important one, I think. It’s um...” Catra could feel Adora’s forehead wrinkling as she tried to think, “Post traumatic stress disorder,” she finally said, a hint of pride in her voice for remembering that. It was a lot. “It’s like your mind is stuck on the bad things that happened to you, and you can’t turn the thoughts off. Like your nightmares, or the way you panic when something reminds you of Horde Prime or Shadow Weaver.”

Something loosened in Catra’s chest, and a bit of tension eased from her body. “I’m not just broken?”

“Of course not.” Adora hugged her tighter, resting her chin on Catra’s shoulder. “You’re hurt. Just like I am. Just like George is. It’s okay. It’s normal.” She laughed. “It might be the only thing about us that’s normal.”

A small smile pulled at Catra’s lips. She finally relaxed against Adora, curling up. “You should come with me to see George some time. I think you’d like him.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Also, they live in a giant library. You’ll definitely like that.”

The faint sound of bells hit Catra’s ears just as Glimmer appeared, holding a tray. “Don’t mind me, I’m not here,” she whispered loudly, setting the tray on the bed.

“You... are, though,” Adora pointed out.

“What’s that?”

Glimmer turned to them, smiling. “We kind of agreed that it’d be best to just let Adora talk to you but it kind of felt wrong not to do something, and Bow suggested snacks and... I’ve been teleporting across Etheria for the last hour trying to find everyone’s favorite comfort food.”

Catra blinked, surprised. “Everyone?”

“Yup! I’m not too sure about some of these things, but you know, your choice if you like them or not. Mermista swears dried seaweed is good. And Scorpia seemed pretty confident you’d like... I dunno, she called them the red ones.”

“Oh!” Adora perked up.

“Horde thing, got it.” Glimmer laughed. “Anyway, we’ll be down in the meeting room, let us know if you need anything.”

“Can you... thank them for me?” Catra asked hesitantly. “And thank you for doing all the legwork.”

“I’m an awesome friend, what can I say?” Glimmer feigned humbleness, but there was a genuine smile on her face as she disappeared again. Adora was pressing forward a bit, eyes on the tray.

“You want to see what she brought, don’t you?”

“Yes.”

Catra stood, taking Adora’s hand to pull her up as well, and they went to settle on the bed. “Bets on who suggested what?”

Adora examined the tray. “Cake, hot chocolate, and brownies is definitely Bow and Glimmer. Red bars are Scorpia, seaweed is Mermista.”

“Tiny foods are Entrapta. Snowflake cookies must be Frosta. Green stuff.”

“Perfuma,” they concluded in one voice, exchanging smiles.

“What do you think this is?” Catra asked, picking up a round piece of bread with a hole in the middle.

“Oh, that’s a donut! I bet that was Netossa and Spinnerella, there’s this bakery outside of Bright Moon that they really love. They used to drop off treats for us if they were in the area.”

Catra carefully ripped it in half, offering a piece to Adora. It was sweet and chocolate-y and tasted really good. “I’ll try the seaweed if you try Perfuma’s green stuff,” she challenged. Adora puffed up, clearly ready.

“You’re on.”

They each picked up their chosen poisons and took a bite. The seaweed actually wasn’t that bad, Catra thought as she chewed. Thin and brittle and weird, but not bad. Adora, on the other hand, was choking on whatever she had tried.

“No green stuff, got it.”

Adora took a long sip of hot chocolate before she spoke again, her voice gentle. “Better?”

“Better than it was.”

It wasn’t ever completely better. But it was more than Catra could’ve hoped for when she had woken up that morning.

And that was enough.

#catradora #catradora fic #she ra fic #spop #she ra #Well THAT got long af lol what is short #Mystery Person #Sam Answers #askbox fic

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grimmseye · 3 years

Text

Test Flight

Read on Ao3 Here

Rating: Gen

Fandom: She-ra

Relationships: Hordak & Entrapta, Hordak/Entrapta (pre-relationship)

Chapter Characters: Hordak, Entrapta

Chapter Tags/Warnings: Season 2, Time for Entrapta’s thoughts and feelings about Hordak for 3000+ words

Tumblr don’t fuck up my formatting challenge

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As far as Entrapta could tell, Hordak rarely left his lab.

Lord Hordak. Hordak. She was supposed to bow, wasn't she, Catra definitely said a lot about that and she definitely used to but then she’d forgotten so — so maybe it wasn’t an issue. Hordak would have said if he cared, about the bowing or the Lord or anything else, he certainly had no issue huffing and puffing as she fixed the wiring in his lab.

So it was a rare sight, Hordak emerging from his sanctum. Entrapta sat at the edge of the transport they’d ordered, watching as the people of the Fright Zone skittered in a wide berth around them. Hordak stood tall, looming over her. She had to crane her head back just to look at him. When he caught her looking, one of his brow-ridges lifted, and she waved.

It was kind of cute, really, to think about him like this compared to just a few nights before: big, scary Lord Hordak who smiled when he told her about the stars.

This was their first joint project, not getting straight to the portal but testing their compatibility in the lab on something less important. The results so far had been promising. She’d gone as far as to add Hordak to her logs, finding that:

One, he’d quickly surpassed Glimmer, Mermista, Perfuma, and Adora on all levels.

Two, he had an advantage on Catra and Scorpia in common interest.

And three, he’d swiftly surpassed Bow in time spent together. That added up to a grand picture of Hordak being her friend, didn’t it? The data certainly said so.

As for their ability working together? Entrapta felt a warmth welling up in her chest, so strong she had to kick her legs against the edge of the transport until she was bouncing in place.

It was amazing.

Her bots had been the only things that came close to the role Hordak played now, handing her tools and stabilizing loose pieces while she bolted them in place. The first day she’d shown up in his lab, there’d been an apprehension in her chest. How many times now had she thought she’d made a friend, only for the next time around to go all wrong. She’d really thought she’d made friends — three friends, five, six of them.

And then they’d left her. Every one of them.

But walking into the lab that morning, she found Hordak hunched over a desk with her blueprints open on his data pad: another project sent for approval that she actually hadn’t started yet. He’d turned it over to her and said, “We will be building a prototype of this design.”

And then they had. Just like that.

Both of them fumbled at first, she thought. She kept bumping into him, he groped about on a table for tools that were in her hair. And then he said, “Put the tools on the table if you are not using them.” And she had said, “Tell me when you’re behind me so I don’t bump into you.”

And then they had done that. Both of them. And by the end of the working day, they were working smoothly around each other, the silence broken by Hordak’s grunts of “Behind you,” and the shuffling of tools on the workbench.

They built a prototype, criticized and refined its design, her suggestions were met with questions, counters, and proposals, his methods met her awe and her criticism—

“If you wire it that way, it’s going to burn out,” she’d told him, and when he glanced up and growled there’d been a pang, a seizure of anxiety in her chest and a voice that chanted you shouldn’t have done that.

“What would you propose?” He rumbled.

And he’d listened.

They’d done it. Together. And now it was time to test it.

And all of that meant that she had a lab partner. She had a lab partner. Sometimes that thought made her so happy she couldn’t contain herself. Sometimes it filled her with enough panic to gnaw her nails down to the quicks when she thought how she was only there to build weapons, only good as long as she was useful.

But that couldn’t be true, could it? None of the others told her about the stars.

And not just because chances were that they didn’t have any idea what stars were.

“Lord Hordak, sir!” A man ran up and snapped a salute. “We finished loading the transport. It’s fueled and ready for departure.”

Hordak grunted, “Hm. Good. You are dismissed.” He twisted a hand and the technician bolted, interaction done in a few quick seconds. She didn’t really get it — he was big and tall, sure, and his armor was impressive, but for all he growled and knocked tools off the table, he’d never done a thing to hurt her. Quite the contrary, she might be the happiest she’d been in her life.

Whatever their reasons, the soldiers scrambled to carry out his orders. There was a clatter as the hangar doors opened. Taking that as their cue, Entrapta swung herself through the open door of the transport, Hordak stalking behind.

The transports were pretty exciting: a wheel and pedal to steer but a data pad built into the dashboard that logged coordinates and known surroundings, scanned the area for threats. And the one they were taking wasn’t earthbound. Then she had to consider the amount of propulsion it would take to get this machine off the ground and keep it in the air — it made her eyes shine.

Hordak looked at her and she realized she was squeaking again. She bounced towards the controls, saying, “You have to give me the blueprints for these. Flying transportation could change the world! How does it work, tell me everything!” A thought struck her brain and she gasped, pushing herself up by her hair and into Hordak’s face. “Can I fly it?”

He narrowed one eye, stepping backwards. “I will handle launching while you observe,” he announced. “I can certainly explain the mechanisms at work once we do so, but for now it is not safe to fly without training first.”

Entrapta deflated for a moment, trying not to let her disappointment show on her face. Then Hordak cleared his throat. When she looked up, he was straight-based, arms folded behind himself and head tilted up and to the right, eyes directed away from her. She knew that posture well. “Once we are in the air, however... I believe it would be safe to let you take over the controls until we reach the landing point.”

“YES!” Entrapta leaped up, propelled by her hair. She grabbed the seat beside the pilot’s after that, throwing herself into it. “Let’s go, come on come on!”

She swore she heard him laugh at that, just a quiet chuckle as he took his seat beside hers. “Safety belts first,” he reminded her, as he clipped his into place. The seats were equipped with five point harnesses that fed over the chest and lap and between the legs. “Only the lap belt is required at all times,” Hordak explained. “The other three are for takeoff and landing, so you will need to wear all of them before we proceed.”

“Gotcha!” Entrapta buckled herself in. She knew objectively that her own lack of safety procedures were questionable — Hordak was regularly scolding her for getting too close to volatile machinery, even if the data said there was only a zero point zero zero three percent chance of destabilizing. But he’d put his foot down about it, and he was good at catching her when she got too excited to remember to put on the heat insulated gloves before grabbing a freshly-fired laser blaster.

When they were both strapped in, Hordak reached for the controls. A slow rumbling started up, making her heart flutter. She watched as Hordak began the takeoff sequence, walking her through each part in his low, raspy tones. He really had a pleasant voice, she mused.

Initially, Hordak was going over things she understood: fuel combustion, admittedly on a scale larger than she was used to working with — and a shortage of adequate fuel was part of the reason they could so rarely use these heavy transports. But she knew the mechanism behind it, and it gave her time to sit and observe him.

The more she looked, the more it made sense that he wasn’t Etherian. He didn’t match any of their known peoples, a face that resembled bone but was soft and pliable enough to speak and emote and could replicate a wider range of sounds than she knew possible in any humanoid species. His natural vocalizations included clicks and growls, occasionally even making a sound similar to a chirp to perform what Entrapta could only compare to echolocation. He’d found a bit of loose wiring deep inside their device that way. Despite that, he could speak Etherian common without issue, as well as the roaring language that Rogelio and the other lizardfolk used.

It would probably be rude to inquire about his vocal anatomy, right? Right?

Maybe she’d ask later.

She refocused as he started to get to points she wasn’t familiar with, leaning forward and watching eagerly. Those working in the hangar cleared the way, lights illuminating the path down to the opened gates and into the sky.

She screamed with excitement when their rolling forward began to accelerate, rapidly picking up speed to the point she was leaning back in her chair, eyes wide as the sky raced towards them.

Then they were out in open air. The jagged shape of the Fright Zone spilled out below them, and beyond that was the sea, glittering and blue.

She leaned as far forward as her safety belts would allow, giving a soft “Wow,” as she took it in. She unclipped all but her lap belts to get closer to the windshield, beaming as she said, “I’ve never been to the sea before!”

Hordak made a sound of acknowledgement, and Entrapta continued, “I’m not much for biology but there’s just so much down there that we haven’t explored. Actually much of Etheria in itself is unknown, when you consider the vast depths of the ocean, space, and then unexplored terrestrial locations such as the Crimson Wastes and the Whispering Woods, and even the Kingdom of Snows has only expanded so far.”

“That the denizens of this planet barely understand the rock they dwell on tells me all I need to know about them,” Hordak rumbled. Entrapta leaned back to look at him, finding herself smiling.

“It’s kind of fun, though,” Entrapta commented. “I mean, if all the discoveries had already been made, there’d be no questions to ask. Not knowing what’s in the Whispering Woods is what makes you want to explore it, figure it out! Maybe we’re a little behind the greater universe, but every discovery is worthwhile to me.”

Hordak glanced at her for just a moment, his ears perking somewhat. “... Perhaps,” he ground out. “Your perspective is…” He went quiet for a few moments, before settling on, “different. Personally I am content to stay far away from those wretched woods, as well as the ocean. However, I suppose that someone would find intrigue in unlocking their secrets.”

They were both silent for several moments, until Hordak said, “We are in a clear zone, if you would like to steer —”

“YES!”

Hordak took over the landing sequence, regardless of Entrapta’s wheedling. His face had pinched and his voice went low and growl-y enough that she bristled her hair at him but still backed away from the controls. At least she’d figured out how to launch the ship into a spiral, and she swore she’d heard Hordak laugh.

They might have even more in common than she’d believed, even if he refused to let loose. If Hordak was going to be the one who insisted on safety parameters, Entrapta could be the one to push limits.

For now, safety parameters won out once again and she watched Hordak bring them down on the offshore testing site. It was a desert island, and even from above she could already see the patches of burned or empty space where other weapons had been tested. A landing pad received them, the transport’s doors creaked upon, and Entrapta seized the data pad to link up with their very first invention.

“Introducing!” Entrapta announced, lifting up on her hair, recorder trapped in a tendril, “The very first joint project between myself and Hordak, designed to adapt to land, sea, and air via a series of problem and solution protocols, I have named her: Patty!”

She clapped her hands twice, and on cue Patty lurched forward. Entrapta flitted around Hordak to watch over his shoulder, barely catching how he tensed and shifted away in favor of Patty’s first steps. Or, first revolutions of her treads.

“Patty has three forms. The first, terran form, features treads that can move over all terrain: over rocks and mud and sand and ice, and ideally underwater! However, if necessary Patty can deploy thrusters in both its aquan and aerial forms! And oooooh she’s a beauty.”

Patty was a transport, the engine formed similarly to the skiffs with a body that was more sturdy, allowing its riders to use it for both movement and cover. This would advance the Fright Zone’s ability to expand into less favorable terrain, and potentially aid them in future battles against Salineas, Mystacor, or the Kingdom of Snows.

She looked over to Hordak, who was still observing Patty. “Bring it down to the shoreline. We will test first its aerial and then underwater capabilities.”

“You got it!”

They boarded a skiff — again, at Hordak’s insistence. Better, in his view, to use tech they knew was stable than to risk Patty giving out with them on board. They tracked her as she rolled down towards the shoreline, easily climbing over rocks and onto sand.

“The overland speed without obstacles is adequate,” Hordak began, and then tipped his head to speak into the recorder as Entrapta held it up, “however I believe we should attempt to increase its average speed without overtaxing the engine.”

“The problem with that is slowing down in time to get over the obstacles,” Entrapta pointed out. “Buuut… if we were to integrate some of the bots’ sensors into it —”

“— It could automatically detect these obstacles and adjust to the need without risk of driver error,” Hordak concluded.

They looked at each other, each with a smile. Entrapta’s was broad with delight, Hordak’s sharp and keen. It dropped away a moment later as he swiveled his head back to Patty, clearing his throat before saying, “Why don’t you activate its aerial mode now.”

“Right!” Entrapta leaped to it, chattering into the recorder as she issued the command. She bounced between her feet, laughing with joy as the chassis shifted and shuffled, making room for wings and thrusters, treads sinking into its body and replaced by wheels. The thrusters burst to life, and she watched Patty sail off the edge of a stone outcropping, into the air above the sea, and then into the sky.

She shrieked, utter delight swelling in her chest. “It’s working! She’s flying!”

“She —” Hordak made a face. “It is hanging severely to starboard.”

Entrapta puffed out a dismissive breath, flapping a hand at him. “We can fix that. The point is that she’s in the air on the very first flight.”

“Of course she is,” Hordak sniffed. “She is a product of both of our expertise combined.”

And there it was again. That swelling, too-big-for-her-chest sense of joy. She could hug him, considered doing it against her better judgement before discarding that. She tended to grab and pull without thinking, but he’d made his distaste for that clear. And he didn’t even shout when she inevitably forgot and grabbed at him again, just growled out her name and a reminder and she’d let go and it was fine.

Working with Hordak was simple in a way she found difficult to articulate, only that she felt different around him. More real, more herself, like she didn’t have to think about her actions, didn’t believe she’d understood him only to realize too late she was wrong.

The Fright Zone as a whole was a lot like that. Not quite as much as Hordak and his Sanctum were, but the bare truth was she’d felt more at home there than she ever did in Dryl.

The Horde was home to the outcasts of Etheria, she’d concluded. Their first allies had been the Scorpionoid kingdom, a family long ostracized by the other nations. The reptilians whose vocal chords couldn’t shape around Etherian common could speak and be heard here. Her own kingdom had slotted perfectly into place, a kingdom without a runestone given value.

She knew better than to think that what they were doing was good. It didn’t have to be good, it just had to feel good. She liked this place, liked Catra and Scorpia, liked Rogelio who lended a hand without a word when she needed to move something heavy, liked Octavia with the boisterous laughs and inquiries into experiments she didn’t fully understand.

She liked Hordak. She liked working with him. She liked knowing she’d get to do it again tomorrow, and again the next day, and that they’d keep working together to make something amazing, something that would let her see the very stars he’d told her about.

Entrapta tried not to dwell on the past much. The past was only useful to learn from the mistakes you’d made. But when she did, at night when there wasn’t something else to occupy her mind before she fell asleep, she came to one conclusion: she had never been happier. She had never felt more at home.

She drew in a deep breath and smiled as she puffed it out. “Ready to test the underwater capabilities, partner?” She asked.

Hordak paused for just one moment before answering, “Ready.”

It was scary, to think about ever losing this, to think about the ever-pressing what-if. What if this was just like before, like every other person coming to Dryl just for the weapons, never for the people and only for what they made.

But maybe this one would be different. It already was different, really, a brand new variable to take into account:

She’d never had a lab partner before.

#entrapdak #entrapta #hordak #she ra #spop #my writing #It's the Grimm

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floorbe · 4 years

Text

Adora x Fem!Witch!Reader “Secret”

Request: can i request an adora x reader oneshot where adora discovers the secret that her s/o is a witch who was born with dark magic after her s/o defends her in battle?

A/N: uhh I guess this is set in like... season 4?

Warning(s): Season 3 and on spoilers, mild angst, angst with a happy(ish?) ending

Summary: You’ve been hiding the fact that you can use dark magic from everyone around you, including your girlfriend, Adora, for as long as possible. Eventually, time runs out.

Pairing(s): romantic Adora x Reader

Fandom: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power

Word count: 2,096

You’d managed to keep it a secret from everyone so far. You’d gone out of your way to not use your magic, even going as far as pretending you don’t know a thing about magic itself to throw off any suspicions. Granted, it had made battles more difficult than you would like, but you managed. It was tough but necessary. You need to protect yourself, even if your friends and allies seem to be more understanding than most. Being a natural born dark magic user isn’t something taken lightly, no matter how kind someone is. The reputation behind it will always follow you, no matter how inherently good you are.

So, hiding it seemed like your only option. It was safe, it wouldn’t risk you or anyone around you if no one knew it even existed. It went smoothly for a while, it wasn’t hard to keep up the act as long as you still had time to yourself prepare and keep your lies straight.

Though that was before you started dating Adora, A.K.A. She-Ra.

Adora was with you a lot more after you started dating, and while previously you could manage your facade with briefer interactions, it slowly became harder as you spent more time together. You would accidentally spout out a correction about dark magic, or a fact that no one knew, something that hinted at your secret. You always brushed it off as something you’d overheard, something you’ve read, but your facade was on the verge of crumbling.

You could only keep it from people for so long now, but what would they think? Magic itself is used by almost everyone in all the kingdoms, but dark magic? You saw how Shadow Weaver was treated when she was taken to Bright Moon. Even when she had tried to help others, she was still treated as an enemy. (Part of why is Adora’s past with her, you reason, and the fact that she used it to hurt others. But the other part is her dark magic, which probably only furthered the stain on it since she used it for harm, you remind yourself, and deflate any hope sprouting within you.) You’re sure you’d be more readily accepted than her, but there would still be the crack of distrust from everyone around you.

Even if Shadow Weaver had switched sides, dark magic was still treated as a taboo, even if used in their favor. What would be the consequence for you? Not only for using it, but for hiding it? While not all dark magic is innately harmful, a great deal of what’s known about it is. For someone to be using it so naturally and as their primary source of offense... It wouldn’t bode well for you.

Dark magic users are not to be trusted. Even while dating She-Ra herself you couldn’t be excused from that mentality that was instilled in everyone around you. You figure it will just be easier for everyone to continue hiding it for as long as you can, though a part of you knows that you’re slipping up more than usual lately. It’s only a matter of time before someone starts to get suspicious and starts snooping around.

But, as it turns out, it never even reached that point before it was revealed.

You wake up alone in the bed that you and Adora share. Groggily reaching over to her side of the bed, you vaguely realize that it’s cold. Adora must’ve gotten up much earlier. Sighing, you drag yourself out of bed, sleepily going through your morning routine. You wondered where Adora went, she doesn’t usually get up before you... Maybe she had a She-Ra thing? Probably. While not often, she had been known to “sneak” (in reality she just didn’t want to wake you, she believes you need all the sleep you can get) out of bed to attend business that didn’t really require you. It was sweet, but sometimes annoying when you’d wake up to find out something had happened while you were asleep.

Finishing up getting ready for the day, you head out to go find Adora. Walking around the palace, you don’t find anyone but the usual guards (and Shadow Weaver, but you’ve made it a point to avoid her at all costs in case she somehow just... knows, so as soon as you see her you turn the other direction.) who point you towards one of the planning rooms. Huh, did she have a battle meeting after all? Why weren’t you woken up?

Opening the door, you find Adora and the rest of the princesses (and Bow, of course) circled around the round table. They all turn to you, greeting you in a friendly manner. Adora bounds over to you and pecks you on the cheek. “Hey! I just sent a guard to wake you, but... I guess I didn’t need to,” she chuckles, sliding her arm around your waist and tugging you to the table. Okay, that explains why you weren’t woken up. “We were just discussing what we think Catra’s next plan is going to be.”

“Oh, okay,” you say, leaning into Adora while glancing at the map rolled out. Your eyes flicker around it, tuning out the rest of the discussion as you try and think. Eyes traveling around the colorful markings of the map, you follow the red trail, symbolizing Catra’s path of wrath, scrawled on it.

“What do you think, Y/N?” you hear Bow ask, and you snap out of your daze.

“Huh?”

“I asked what you think Catra’s next plan is?” Bow repeats kindly.

You think for a moment, absentmindedly tapping on the table with your fingers, “I think she’ll-”

*Boom!*

“-strike soon,” you finish, mostly to yourself as the palace shakes around you. You all sprint out the door, running down the halls to the entrance of the palace. Bursting through the doors, you met with row after row of large metal robots, all seeming to take aim at you. You all immediately jump into battle, Adora drawing her Sword of Protection. You vaguely hear her exclaim, and there’s a glow from the corner of your eye. Glancing over from the enemy you’re about to engage, you see Adora, now She-Ra, slicing down robot after robot, showing no hesitation. It’s admirable.

Taking out your weapon, you start attacking the robot in front of you, silently cursing yourself for your lie of not knowing any magic. Battles are now always much tougher than they needed to be when you couldn’t use your own powers, and it’s something you’re still getting used to. You’re usually taking down multiple opponents at once, but now you’ve been weakened to barely being able to take on one... There’s no use in crying over it now, you decide as you nearly get hit by a blast. You need to focus on not getting hit, not thinking about- is that Adora about to get blasted?

Your head snaps to the view you’d seen in the corner of your eye: Adora with her back turned to an upcoming robot, ready to blast her. She has to hear it, right? The clacking of its mechanical legs are so loud even you can hear them, but she’s not showing any sign of turning around. Panicking slightly, you let out a shout towards her, but she’s too far away to hear you yell. You eyes flicker to anyone who could be around her to help her, but the only person close enough is Glimmer, who’s back is turned- Adora still hasn’t noticed the robot, and to your horror you realize it’s about to send a blast through her skull.

You barely comprehend your hand coming up, a dark glow encapsulating it as you concentrate on the trickle of energy coursing into your hand. Allowing the magic in your hand to intensify, you thrust your hand towards it, shooting a black stream of magic. It surrounds the robot like a coil, destroying it as you clench your fist harshly. The sound of collapsing metal alerts Adora, (Really? That’s what got her attention?) spinning around just in time to see the inky glow of the magic fade from around your hand.

She looks at you in confusion, and it only then dawns on you what you’ve done. Quickly turning away from her, you continue your battle against the other enemies, ignoring the dread filling your stomach at the thought of talking with Adora afterwards. You could just take some time to yourself first, come up with a good explanation to why you’ve been lying to her this whole time, and it would all be fine, right? Right.

“Why didn’t you tell me you could use dark magic?” Great. You’d tried to avoid Adora the best you could after everything had settled, almost immediately heading into the palace to try and find somewhere private to calm down and think. Guess you weren’t fast enough.

She doesn’t sound angry, but when you turn around you can see the tenseness in her frame. She may not be angry, but she’s certainly upset, and you don’t blame her. You stutter, trying to form a coherent sentence, but everything in your head is jumbled. Any attempts at explanation in your mind are overpowered by overlapping fearful thoughts about what she must think of you now.

“I-I just-” you bite your lip, taking a deep breath. You slowly let it out, clearing at least some of the doubts in your head and sorting through the mess of words. She waits, eyes boring into you with an emotion you can’t quite place. “I-I thought you would hate me,” you admit finally, avoiding her gaze. “Dark magic isn’t... something people take lightly,” you vaguely remind her, rolling your shoulders back uncomfortably at the reminder.

“So you hid it from me? The entire time we knew each other?” she emphasizes, eyebrows furrowing. She continues after a moment when you don’t respond, “Why would I hate you for using dark magic, Y/N? You.. you know I wouldn’t judge you based on something you can’t control.” The way her tone lowers in understanding makes something in your mind click; Adora didn’t choose to become She-Ra, either. Though it’s still different, you think, however similar your basic situation is, She-Ra is revered, and people like you are killed. She may understand, but she doesn’t understand.

Your hands come up to clasp together, seeking some sort of comfort from the slight edge in her tone, “That’s not how everyone thinks, Adora. I’ve met people who’ve tried to kill me just because I know dark magic. It isn’t exactly praised around here.” You pause, biting your lip, “You can’t blame me for being worried about it.”

“That doesn’t mean that I think that way,” her tone softens, “You’re my girlfriend, Y/N. Using dark magic doesn’t change the fact that I care about you.”

And then something else clicks in your head, that this is Adora. Adora your best friend, Adora your number one supporter, Adora who tries to empathize with everyone. She’s been there for you since the beginning, supporting you through every thought and decision you’ve had to make, and you her. Guilt fills you as you realize just how harshly you’ve been judging her, how little credit you’ve been giving her. You had just assumed she would be judgmental, even if that was the farthest thing from Adora. “I’m sorry,” you murmur, gaze lowering to the floor.

You hear her sigh, stepping closer to you. She gently takes your hands in hers, “It’s okay, I get it. I just wish I had found out from you, and not from a battle, y’know?” she admits, squeezing your hands softly. You nod, raising your eyes to look at her, not expecting the small smile that greets you. Your lips quirk up similarly, grasping her hands tighter. The weight in your chest lifts. It’s okay. Things are... okay.

You sigh softly, leaning forward to lean your head on her shoulder. She lets go of your hands in favor of sliding them around your waist, resting her chin on your shoulder. “You looked pretty cool back there,” she admits, and you can almost hear the grin in her voice, “The dark magic glow really brings out your eyes.”

You snort quietly, hands resting on her hips as you nuzzle into the crook of her neck, “Thanks, Adora.” She hums in response. You stay there even after you’ve both gone silent, content being wrapped in each others arms for as long as you need.

#adora x reader #she ra x reader #she ra scenarios #she ra imagines #she ra #adora

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aceofspadegrass · 3 years

Text

Breakfast with Squirrels

Characters: Tatta Koudai, Arisu Ryohei, Aguni Morizono (Although never named.)

Genre: Fluff. Just Tatta having a nice morning. Then nearly getting attacked by Catra.

1.5k words

Tatta woke up with the sound of squeaking and sun gently filtering through the window. He yawns, sitting up and stretching as he feels his hat get dragged along his lap, a slight pressure underneath. Tatta opens his eyes and grabs the top of his treasured hat, the head of his good squirrel friend Henry peeking out as Tatta pulls his hat on. Tatta gently pats the top of Henry’s head with a finger, the squirrel chittering and climbing up Tatta, crawling underneath his hat. Tatta actually isn’t sure how Henry could breathe up there, but every time he checked Henry was completely okay.

“ Okay, time to start the day. I’ll grab you some food when we head down, okay?” Tatta tells Henry as he heads to the bathroom to do his morning routine. Afterwards, he starts his trip downstairs, waving a greeting at every person he passed with a smile, even as most of them ignore him, too involved with themselves to really acknowledge him.

That didn’t matter right now, Tatta didn’t mind. He heads to the dining hall and into the kitchen, which was a little filled with people preparing breakfast for the day, Tatta carefully avoiding their paths to get to the pantry. Pulling out a bag of hazelnuts and some dried bananas, he fills a small bowl with them, along with grabbing himself an apple to eat himself. Tatta heads outside and sits at a table, setting the bowl down and tilting his hat up so Henry could climb down. The squirrel opts to crawl down his face today, Tatta chuckling in amusement as Henry climbs over his neck to get down to the table, taking his arm like a train rail. Henry makes it to the bowl, happily munching down on the items offered. Tatta eats his apple and watches Henry chew at the hazelnut shell with the determination of a warrior, and moves his attention to around the dining hall. It was full of people waiting and eating their own breakfasts, a few tables still empty as it waited for others to soon wake up and take their places.

Nobody came to sit by Tatta, but again, that was alright for him. His friend wasn’t usually awake at this time anyways, so Tatta was allowed a moment of being alone with his squirrel friend. He doesn’t exactly remember where Henry even came from. It was just a case of finding a squirrel that ended up living with him, happy enough to hide underneath his hat at all hours of the day. Henry at least stayed behind before games, Tatta not wanting to accidentally hurt his small rodent friend in any of the games.

As he watches the people come in, and as people are served their daily breakfast from the kitchen, he sees Arisu walk in by himself, watching something that went along the floor, obscured by the tables so Tatta couldn’t properly see what it was. Tatta raises a hand to wave at Arisu with a smile, Arisu actually looking over and smiling back with a wave in return.

That at least made Tatta’s day, and Arisu comes over to Tatta, sitting across from him.

“ Hey Tatta, what’s up?” Arisu greets him, and Tatta can only shrug. He was a little tired from having to roll tires across the Beach after someone moved the tires and switched them with the pool floats, as well as the game he participated in last night. It was a simple one at least, nothing too taxing on him. He still doesn’t know why the game involved hiding a pineapple on his person, but who was he to judge the games. They could get terrifying, and a game of hide the pineapple wasn’t too bad.

“ Nothing much. I don’t think I have anything to do today, actually! I think I’m just gonna take the day to relax. Maybe by the pool!” Tatta tells Arisu, Henry loudly chewing on a piece of nut. Arisu smiles a little at that, and looks away briefly, thinking about something. Tatta just finishes his apple while he waits, Arisu eventually looking back at him.

“ Wanna hang out with Usagi and I? We might be by the pool today as well, chatting about random things. If you don’t mind.” “ Of course not, I would love to hang out with you guys!” It sounded like a nice plan, hanging out with Arisu and Usagi. Tatta thought they were really neat people, and nice too. Tatta liked their company.

Arisu goes away for a bit to grab himself food, leaving Tatta all alone again with Henry, who was still eating. At least, was eating, until something spooks the small squirrel, Henry scrambling up to higher ground and settling on the very top of Tatta’s head. Tatta was confused, and he looks around, only to freeze when his eyes look eyes with a lynx, very much staring up at Tatta.

The lynx had a little harness on it, curiously enough, like a dog. Attached to said harness was what appeared to be a knife of all things, unsheathed and very dangerous to anyone who dared even brush past the beast. “ Wh- Huh? Why is there a whole like….. giant bobcat here-“ Tatta leans away from the lynx, as if that would help anything, the animal only stalking closer. Henry makes a noise, clinging to the top of Tatta’s hat for dear life, Tatta’s heartbeat racing. He really didn’t want to become lynx chow, especially here, where he was supposedly was safe from the dangers of being outside and surviving on his own.

The lynx licks its lips, and pounces, Tatta shutting his eyes and expecting an impact.

Only…. that impact never comes, and Tatta creaks open an eye, only to see the lynx hanging there, that spooky military guy with the scar holding it by its harness with an almost disappointed dad look. He looks to Tatta, who was trembling a little, and then back at the lynx in his hand, which he near tosses off, the lynx racing off from them, deterred from trying to try again.

“ You’re alright now.” That was all the man said before he leaves, Tatta trying to calm his poor heart from whatever that was. He reaches up to check on Henry, the squirrel curled up further back on his hat, his tiny squirrel heart beating just as quickly, if not more. He leaves him up there to recollect himself, hoping the undue stress didn’t hurt his friend. Tatta wouldn’t like it if Henry left him so soon. He’d probably cry if that did happen.

Arisu comes back with food, and pats Tatta’s shoulder with a concerned smile when he saw Tatta. “ You okay? You’re a little pale. Here, have some milk.” Arisu hands him his carton of milk, Tatta trying to deny it at first, but Arisu’s worried face made him rethink it. He takes the milk with a small thank you, and sips a little, taking a deep breath.

“ What happened while I was gone?” Arisu asks when Tatta felt more stable, Henry deciding to hide under his hat for his own personal comfort. Tatta looks to the side, where that man and the lynx disappeared off to, people going in and out and keeping Tatta from really knowing whether they were still in the dining hall at all. When he felt like there was no danger, he turns his attention back to Arisu, who chews on the end of a cereal bar.

“ We…. almost got attacked by a really huge grey cat.” Tatta answers. “ It was like a bobcat, but not brown like I expected? Like a tiny snow leopard.” He pauses, trying to think of the name. He wasn’t really a master at naming specific animals though, just the basics, really.

“ Oh, I know what you’re talking about! Yeah, I was watching it earlier. It has a knife strapped to it, right?” Tatta nods, eyes widening. “ Exactly! That was so weird, right? Why is it armed with a knife?” Arisu shrugs. Tatta didn’t get it at all. It seemed kind of dangerous to arm a predator with a knife when it had knives quite practically built into its paws. But then again, at least it wasn’t armed with a full on turret or a gun. Or even worse, armed with rocket launchers. That would be a sight to see.

Hopefully he didn’t run into it the rest of the day. He wanted to hang out with Arisu and Usagi in peace.

…. Tatta probably jinxed it though. He sighs internally. Maybe if he’s lucky he can outrun a cat with a knife. Or at least hide before it got him and Henry. There was no way he was fighting off that.

The slight movement underneath his hat takes him out from his thoughts. No, of course he’ll be fine. Henry will be fine, he’s gonna make sure of that! Just gotta…. make sure not to cross the knife wielding lynx. Easy enough, it can’t be that hard.

He’s probably jinxing it again.

#aib #alice in borderland #aib fanfic #alice in borderland fanfic #tatta kodai #arisu ryohei #morizono aguni #henry the squirrel is back #the laws of henry breathing under that hat works against the laws of everything #this is ratatouille domain i guess #i mean they're both considered rodents so....#does that mean tatta is linguini? i just now realized #i don't even know if henry knows how to cook #also catra is here #no niragi though #tatta deserves the world #aguni is an absolute unit if he can hold catra like a naughty smol cat

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mcatra · 4 years

Text

AU where Catra works at burger king

Catra works minimum wage at burger king, Adora comes in every day as the world’s worst customer.

AO3

‘I am being HARASSED.’ Catra groans, sprawling on her side of the register. ‘I’m begging you, just kill me.’

It was another slow afternoon at Burger King, or as she likes to call it the absolute shithole she only got minimum wage for. Catra could be out there living her life as a youthful teenager, instead she was serving chicken nuggets to her worst enemy- Adora. It didn’t help that said blonde was currently sitting in the corner, laughing obnoxiously with her friends she had replaced her with.

‘Aw I’m sure Adora isn’t here to harass you, she probably just likes our food! I do cook these to perfection you know.’ Scorpia says conversationally from her spot in the kitchen as she flame broils another patty.

Catra scoffs, her eyes trained on her most hated customer.

‘There has to be some sort of law against coming to one’s workplace every day! No one likes Burger King that much! NOBODY!’

Suddenly she sees Adora sit up from her chair, that makes a horrific screeching noise on their unmopped floor.

‘Oh god she’s coming.’ Catra whispers, trying to duck into the kitchen. ‘Scorpia! Hide me!’

Her friend shoves her back to the counter, as Adora approaches. ‘You’re the only one on this shift who is allowed to use the register-’

‘Do not make me serve her I swear to god-’

‘Hi Catra.’ Adora smiles, and Catra’s eyes narrow.

‘Whatchu want, princess?’ She sneers, avoiding her piercing blue eyes that reminded her of still lakes. Or swirling oceans. Or the fluffy white cloud bath bombs from Lush. Wait, no.

‘Mmm, can I get a strawberry sundae?’ Adora chirps, looking above her at the menu.

‘Can’t.’ Catra drawls, looking at her black painted nails. ‘The machine’s broken.’

Adora’s face falls in disappointment, and Catra cheers inwardly at her small victory until Scorpia’s voice cuts through their conversation.

‘That’s not true, the soft serve machine is fine.’ Her traitor friend says, pulling down on the lever and swirling a perfect sundae into the cup. She adds the syrup before handing it to Adora.

‘That’ll be $1.50.’

‘Thanks Scorpia.’ Adora smiles, rummaging through her purse to collect her coins.

Catra rolls her eyes.

‘What a cheap ass. Little rich girl can only afford a dollar-fifty ice cream? No wonder we’re running out of business.’

Adora frowns at this. ‘Did you want a tip or something?’

‘What? FUCK no. I don’t take charity.’ Catra scoffs, snatching the coins from her old childhood-friend-to-enemies palm. She swiftly jabs in the total and throws the coins into the drawer. They’re forced into silence as the receipt slowly prints, and she tries to ignore the way Adora is staring at her.

Suddenly Adora leans in close, and she can hear her murmur close to her ear.

‘I’ll see you at student council.’

Catra flushes at the proximity, every hair standing on end. Before she can stutter out an insult, Adora rips the receipt from the machine and is sauntering back to Bow and Glimmer.

The brown haired girl deflates, her nails scratching on the old countertop. All that mental damage, for $1.50? Life was not fair.

Adora always had the perfect grades, the perfect family and friends, the most cushy and royal upbringing. After their falling out involving a scholarship to a private school, they hadn’t spoken until the merger.

It filled Catra with sick pleasure that the private school had lost their prestige to embezzled money, and now had to be government funded. However in consequence of this, they had decided to merge the public and private school so they could sell off the land to build skyrises or something.

This meant Catra lost her position of School Captain to Adora after a fierce election, and had been demoted to Vice Captain. Not to mention no matter how hard Catra tried, she could never beat her in the school rankings. She couldn’t work to support herself and study 6 hours a day, like rich privileged Adora.

So now here she was, forced to interact with the one person she could’ve gone her whole life without seeing on a daily basis.

Ever since Adora had discovered Catra had been working at Burger King during a late night drive-thru run, her ex best friend had made it her life’s mission to make her life hell.

Of course she had done her best to make the experience awful to drive her away. Catra knew Adora hated pickles, so she would threaten Kyle to slice up an entire pickle’s worth in the blonde’s Whopper before giving it to her with a sweet smile. She is filled with glee watching Adora picking them out one by one in disgust.

This doesn’t stop Adora from coming though. Not even when they had made it into some sort of competition to see how many pickles could physically be crammed into a bun. Or even when she had put every single condiment including the salt and pepper into an unholy liquid concoction and served it in a cola cup. Not even when she gave Adora food poisoning when they got too carried away trying to stack as many patties as they could to recreate Sky Burger.

No matter what she did, the girl never went away. Even though she had so easily disappeared from her life when she had needed her the most. But she didn’t need Adora, she had gotten this job herself, she had gotten a roof over her head with her own power. She had worked so hard to become independent from Shadow Weaver, and no matter what, Adora will not jeopardize it.

‘I’m doing, what exactly?’

Catra stares dumbly at her manager, a sinking feeling dawning on her.

‘Adora ordered a birthday party at Burger King.’ Lonnie drawls, ignoring the look of complete horror on Catra’s face.

‘No, you can’t do this to me! Roster me for any other day. I cannot psychologically take this.’ She begs.

‘Sorry dude, the deposit has already been paid for. We’re short staffed, and it seems like Kyle has gotten fryer oil burns from your last burger experiment with Adora.’ Lonnie whaps Catra with the birthday catering pamphlet.

‘Stupid Kyle.’ Catra hisses, clenching it in her fist. Curse this damn place that can only afford to hire teenagers.

‘Anyway, just set up the tables and decorations after school on Thursday. Should be a good day for business, with Adora and her posse being rich kids and all.’

‘Can I at least get time and a half?’

‘Are you gonna be paying Kyle’s medical bill?’

Catra pouts. ‘Not my fault you guys don’t provide gloves. This place is an OSHA violation haven.’

WE do the PLANNING, YOU have the FUN! The bold font emblazoned over the small child’s smiling face mocks her from the pamphlet. Catra clenches it in her fist.

‘Also why the fuck did she book a kid’s birthday party package when she is like 17, and not 6 years old?!’

Lonnie rolls her eyes. ‘Do you still want a job or not? Just read the rest of the form, counting on you to organize it.’

Catra squints at the crumpled paper in her hand.

GOLD PARTY PACKAGE

-Themed birthday cards!

-Party bags!

-Birthday gift for the celebrant!

-Jumbo birthday cake!

-Pinata!

-Special birthday songs!

-Dedicated hostess!

Catra can feel her soul physically leave her body. This was gonna be a long week.

It was terrible.

Adora had handed these obnoxious Burger King birthday invitations to all her friends, so now she had all these RSVP’s to the worst birthday of all of human history. In between working shifts until midnight, dealing with Adora at student council and not eating, Catra was on edge.

‘No, you can not write ‘Die Adora Die’ on her cake.’ Scorpia chides, slapping Catra’s hands away to pipe the icing.

‘It’s what she deserves.’ Catra seethes. If she couldn’t eat it, she could at least ruin it, right?

‘They’ll be here soon, so try to take that dying grimace off your face.’ Scorpia replies, and Catra rolls her eyes before adding the finishing touches to the cake.

Suddenly the door opens, interrupting her decorating. The once quiet establishment was now full of loud chatter as their classmates piled in one by one. All of Adora’s old private school friends were here, all unironically celebrating their school captain’s children’s birthday party at the worst fast food restaurant in their state.

She plasters her fakest customer service smile she can muster. Dignity at the door.

‘Hi, you must be here for the Birthday Girl’s party.’ Catra says, approaching the group. Just treat it like you don’t know them.

‘Aw you don’t have to be so formal with us, Vice Captain.’ Glimmer teases, and Catra almost snaps from her facade. Almost.

‘Let me show you to your table.’ Catra grits out.

She had chosen the ugliest poop brown balloons she could find, and had deliberately made the HAPPY BIRTHDAY banner lopsided on the wall.

‘Thanks Catra!’ Adora grins, bouncing past her to admire the decorations.

Catra imagines Adora’s face on the pinata and smashing it into a million pieces. She forces herself to take a deep breath. It was just the one shift, and she really needed this job. Plus after the party was over, she could probably nab some leftovers for her trouble.

All of the girls (plus Bow and Seahawk) sit around the table, and Catra marches over with the laminated menus.

‘Ooh, we all get hats!’ Perfuma says, placing her Burger King cardboard crown on top of her head.

Frosta squints at the menu. ‘I’ve never eaten fast food before. Looks disgusting.’

‘I think it’s fine! Adora wanted to eat here.’ Glimmer says in a sugarly sweet tone that just came off as passive aggressive. ‘Even though I had suggested my penthouse by the ocean and we go here nearly every day.’

‘I much rather would be at the ocean beach house thank you very much.’ Mermista retorts, swatting Sea Hawk off her shoulder.

Yeah me too, Catra thinks bitterly. She stomps off with their orders, cursing them inwardly the entire way to the kitchen.

Adora’s friends start playing with the so-called ‘entertainment’ they had haphazardly set up.

It was ridiculous, seeing grown teenagers lining up to try to smack the shit out of a glittery pinata. They squabble over who gets to hit it first, Catra feeling very much like a glorified babysitter to her most hated enemies.

After a while, she sees Scorpia emerge from the kitchen. ‘Happy Birthday to you,’ Scorpia sings with Adora’s birthday cake in her arms. ‘Happy Birthday to you~’

The others join in on the song, Catra only mouthing the words in silent rebellion. The cake is emblazoned with a crude doodle of Adora’s face with HAPPY BIRTHDAY written on her enormous forehead.

‘Oh my gosh, I love it!’ Adora’s sky blue eyes light up, and she’s practically sparkling. Catra huffs, she wasn’t supposed to like it. Didn’t she see the drawing was supposed to make fun of her five-head?

Adora catches Catra’s eye, beaming. ‘Did you draw this for me?’

‘She did!’ Scorpia tattles, and her enemy’s smile increased tenfold. Catra can feel her cheeks grow warm. Dammit.

‘Whatever.’ Catra bites out, unable to meet her gaze.

Luckily no one else seemed to be paying attention to the weird atmosphere between them, as they were split between eyeing the cake and pinata wrestling.

‘Get over here Sea Hawk, we can do the pinata later!’ Mermista chastises, watching Bow spin her blindfolded boyfriend.

‘Let me just get one good hit in, and I’ll join you!’ He crows, swinging the bat in random directions as Bow ducks the blows, laughing.

Just for anything to do, Catra takes it upon herself as hostess to snatch up the knife and start cutting. She cuts into the cake to start portioning out the slices, but as the knife touches the bottom Glimmer lets out a shriek.

‘What?’ Catra deadpans.

‘If you cut to the bottom of the cake, you have to kiss the person closest to you!’ Glimmer says, a demonic look in her eye. Adora elbows her, embarrassed.

‘Excuse me?’ Catra’s never heard of this tradition. Though to be fair, she had not been to many parties in her lifetime.

‘Oh, that’s right!’ Perfuma claps her hands together. ‘Adora’s closest right? Go ahead Catra!’

To her horror, Glimmer starts pushing Catra towards the blonde. She digs her heels into the linoleum, only to find that she was sliding from the newly mopped floors.

‘Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!’ The girls start chanting, like they were her friends and that she wasn’t their damn server.

‘What the hell- fuck no, let go of me!’ Catra finally snaps, wrenching herself from Glimmer’s grip.

The momentum sends her stumbling into Sea Hawk, who was still attempting to hit the pinata.

‘Ack!’ He squawks.

The bat goes flying straight out his hand and into their double doors. There’s a huge crash, and everybody winces at the noise.

The glass pane shatters, and so does Catra’s sanity. She was so fired.

Sea Hawk lifts the blindfold.

‘Did I get it?’

---

It was nearly closing time, and Catra was still sweeping up bits of glass from the floor. This had been one of the worst days of her life, and she had been beaten and homeless before. To make it worse, Adora was still grovelling when she should’ve gone hours ago like the rest of them.

‘I am so sorry Catra, I’ll pay for everything, I’ll take full responsibility so you don’t get fired-’

‘Stop it.’ She was too tired to even argue with Adora like she usually did, wishing Adora would just go away already so she could grovel over the phone to her regional manager without an audience. Catra always pretended to hate her job, but she couldn’t afford to lose it. She could barely make rent with her Burger King wage.

‘Please, let me help clean. It was my fault anyway.’

There was hardly any money left over to feed herself most days, that’s why she was skinny as a rake as opposed to the toned, buff, well fed Adora. She had only been functioning on a few nuggets that Scorpia snuck her yesterday. Did Catra still have those food coupons? How long until the bank charged overdraft fees?

‘Catra are you listening-’

‘I said stop it!’ Catra snaps.

Adora has the audacity to look stunned.

‘Why do you insist on harassing me at work everyday? Is it fun? Forcing me to play servant to you rich girls, to sing and dance for you? You already beat me in everything at school, you’re already School Captain, you have all the money and a loving family you need, so can you stop rubbing your privilege in my face just for one second so I can THINK?’

‘I...I just…I’m sorry.’ Adora starts and aborts a few sentences. Catra can’t even stand to look at her face.

‘This party at your work. It was the only way to get you to celebrate my birthday with me.’

‘.....’

‘Um, I-’

‘Whatever.’ Catra retorts, trying and failing to pick up the last shards with her too long fingernails. She hisses when the glass nicks her finger, cutting into skin. Drops of blood fall to the floor.

‘Are you okay?!’ Adora gasps, rushing to her side. Catra slaps her hand away, she needed to go find the cleaning supplies. Blood was a biohazard, there was some protocol for it but she was having trouble remembering.

She goes to stand up, but the fatigue rushes to her head and her legs give in underneath her. Instead of smacking her head against the floor, she feels herself land on something soft instead.

Adora hooks her around the waist, gently placing her into the booth. She grabs a napkin from the dispenser and wraps it around Catra’s hand. She can feel Adora’s warm hand squeezing her own.

‘I’m just applying pressure to the cut.’ Adora says quietly.

Catra just closes her eyes. It’s well past midnight and she should be locking up the store, but she can’t bring herself to move.

#she-ra #she ra #spop #catradora #catra #adora #burger king au

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