#child abandonment cw

[charlietheepicwriter7]

"I'm telling you, she's the best bloody runes expert this side of the Mississippi," John Constantine told the other members of the Justice League as he raised his hand to knock on the old screen door. He hadn't expected his ex-wife to stay here, in the middle of bum-fuck nowhere, but Spittoon, Arkansas, was the hill-billy hole it was when he last left. "If anyone can decipher the ritual to summon the ghost king, it's her--"

The door disappeared before he could knock, and a shotgun was shoved in his face. John smiled the best he could. "Hey, sweetheart."

Alicia Walker glared back at him. "Constantine."

*******************************************

This is the "John Constantine used to be married to Danny Fenton's Aunt Alicia" AU. Some idea's I've had:

Maddie introduced them. Maddie had dragged Alicia into studying ghosts, but Alicia ended up fascinated by the occultism of ghosts, more metaphysical than scientific. Maddie, wanting to support the sister that was supporting her, found Constantine, introduced the two, and they got along enough to bang.

it was a shotgun wedding. Alicia got pregnant and damn if she was going to let her baby be born without a father, so John ends up marrying her. He doesn't really mind since Alicia's nice enough and the sex is good, but he isn't exactly an attentive husband.

The baby is actually twins! a boy and a girl.

The babies are born without complications, but the baby boy, the first born... goes missing.

In addition to selling his soul to multiple parties, John had also sold the soul of his first born... probably to multiple parties. And he'd forgotten all about it until Alicia calls him, sobbing, saying their son has gone missing.

Needless to say, once she knows, John is divorced within the week.

the newborn daughter is given to Maddie to take care of; Alicia can even look at her without remembering her dead son, she knows she wouldn't be able to take care of a baby the way it needs. she can barely take care of herself.

(Jazz finds out that her aunt is her biomom when Danny is born. She never hates her aunt for giving her up; in fact, it's Alicia's depression and grief that makes Jazz want to study psychology in the first place)

Alicia moves to Spittoon to isolate herself, but the close knit community won't let her self-destruct. They help her rebuild herself in the middle of nowhere and she discovers a love for farming rhubarb.

John only shows up once before for Alicia's help, but the town chases away that nasty ex-husband of hers before she sees him, with his yuppie-accent and dirty clothes. They don't want him around her.

Alicia grows content with her life. She keeps all her occult books locked in the attic, out of sight and out of mind, and while she might regret not having been able to raise her daughter, she loves her niece and nephew and spoils them when they come to visit.

All's right in the world.

Until one day, Jazz and Danny come to her door in the middle of the night, desperate and injured.

Not too long after that, her yuppie ex-husband come around, asking her to look over some nonsense summoning circle. What's Constantine trying to summon anyway, the demon of astrology!?

#dc x dp #dp x dc #danny phantom crossover #dc crossover #c: john constantine #c: danny fenton #c: aunt alicia #c: jazz fenton #child death cw #child abandonment cw #totally understandable child abandonment but still #alicia was not in a good place after demons took her son #danny phantom is the ghost king #making jazz their kid seemed natural #since a blond and a redhead making a ginger seems more possible than a black haired and an auburn making a ginger #maybe vlad knows? and that's why he's not as interested in jazz #he seems like the type to think adopted kids aren't as important as blood kids #which is ironic considering him and danny

[bluebellcloud]

Billy Hargrove haters need to stop ignoring Billy’s canon trauma, I mean seriously. It would be a lot different if Billy had lied about his trauma but what happened to him is literally canon, what the fuck. Y’all, I am not fond of Hopper but I don’t go around ignoring his trauma, in fact I do feel bad for him when watching some scenes yet Billy haters can’t even admit that what happened to Billy is terrible? Also no one here is excusing Billy’s actions, there is a difference between excusing and explaining and we explain why he acted the way he did. I recently reblogged a post in which I said that Billy turned out the way he did because of Neil’s abuse and his mother’s abandonment and I will always stand by that. Once again I understand why Billy’s mother left, and trust me I don’t think she deserved to be abused by Neil, however Billy did not deserve to be abused by Neil either and the least his mother could do was taking him with her to a safe place. And for y’alls information, blaming Billy for Neil’s abusive behavior is like blaming El for Brenner being an abuser, it just makes no sense. And I swear if I find anyone saying that Billy deserved to be left alone with Neil I’m going to fucking lose it.

#billy hargrove deserved better #el byers #please land on the right dashboard #child abuse cw #child abandonment cw #intrafamily violence cw #abusive relationship cw #language tw #okay to reblog #stranger things #queued

[buddy-arc]

yui hcs lets go baby

honor student with a cheery demeanor whose home life absolutely Sucks

she’s rather reserved in quite a few aspects, particularly shy about sharing anything shes passionate about due to ridiculing from her mother

yui knows a lot about animals and is very passionate about thermal-gliding birds in particular. something about being blissfully free to go wherever she wants………

shes a perfectionist. if she messes up anything on the first try she gets so so so upset about it. she does have skill from sheer determination and Sometimes she can be stubborn enough to not give up on something, but that’s rare comparatively

girliepop is not afraid to get in a tussle with other kids if she can’t resolve stuff through speech.

yui is brave enough to snark when cordiality doesn’t work. someone starts getting sarcastic at her and she’ll retort in her cold analytical way

yui is very lightfooted and quiet in movement, and enjoys Loud and Bright things

yes she’s also the girl who would study ppl she finds interesting under a microscope, mostly observing their behaviors from afar and then being able to mentally write a comprehensive essay analyzing them w/ fan theories

physically, she’s got. a couple scars and is missing two of her bottom incisor teeth. she’s also very sensitive to air changes like lots of smoke/etc. shes also rather athletic and is slowly going deaf in one ear

more side effects of her bad home life under cut

she doesn’t tend to connect with people too easily, mostly because she’s scared of doing so

you could pour soup in her lap and she’d apologize to you but also her temper is wildin. she didn’t exactly have the best examples parent wise so she osmosised their Bad Traits…… she tends to bottle things up until she reaches the explosion threshold

also has really Really bad abandonment issues

she is. very scared and skittish around adults though. she Will clam up and have a trauma response if any adult shows displeasure or frustration

#✂️ | yui / studies. #child neglect cw #child abandonment cw #verbal abuse cw #yomawari cw

[16hitthunder]

[From Flint] The man says nothing, but he looks like he wants to say something. A sigh escapes him as he clears his throat, hoping to get his eldest son's attention. He knew his sons hadn't seen eye to eye with him, something he understands greatly. But darn, he wants to do better. "Son? Ah, ya... Ya doin' okay? Look, I'm sorry about... Stuff. Ya know? Just wanna make sure you're doin' okay. Ya know ya can tell me anythin', right?"

The young chimera immediately looked at Flint with mismatched eyes when he cleared his throat.

"...I'm fine." He wasn't, honestly. Wouldn't it be better for you to ask Lucas that? He thought to himself. And sorry about....stuff? That's what he's going to call it? Just 'stuff', when he had abandoned his little brother? Yes, he knows that Flint was trying, but it didn't change the fact that Claus had felt his blood start to boil.

"...I know, papa." You should have been there for Luc. Why weren't you there for the son who you knew was still alive? Claus didn't say that, though, since he felt like he would yell this thought out. And yelling wouldn't help much, would it?

Getting angry wouldn't help in general. It wouldn't change what had already happened.

...Claus' chest ached.

#pktearsoftazmily #;mechanical heart #child abandonment cw #absentee dad cw #((aaaaaaaaaaaa))

[cyberpawn]

Also, Vale does not have any contact with their biological parents as they left Vale on Jack's doorstep when they were a few days old. They thought Vale would be in better hands, somewhere with a family who has money and can provide for them. Luckily, they ended up with Jack who did take them in and cared for them!

Vale doesn't know who their biological parents are, but Averell and Vertigo know who Vale is and how they're doing. They both strictly have a rule of staying away if they do see Vale in public.

#out of cybernetics: ooc #child abandonment tw #child abandonment cw #it's giving leela in futur..ama yknow

[stories-of-the-multiverse]

((Starter for @ask-experiment-l0ck3t ))

"Goodbye! Fairwell, Little Superstars!~"

The sunny nanny almost wanted to break out into a certain song, buuuut, for legal reasons, he couldn't. Darn copyright laws...!

The animatronic watched fondly as the rest of his charges left for the day.

What wonderful kids...

He turned once the last child and his mother disappeared into the crowd of parting customers, arms stretched up high until-

"Ah! There we go! Back into place!"

That servo in his shoulder had been bothering them for the last couple of hours n-

Ah?!

A kid's here?!

His eyes quickly scanned the new young one...

He... didn't pop up in the data bases...

"Hey lil' buddy!" he called out, bounding to the young one.

Once he reached the fella, the jester crouched down to eye level, though rocking on the balls of his feet due to ill contained energy.

"This place is really cool, right? Unfortunately, we can't accept overnight stays on the weekdays. Fazbear entertainment is not responsible for getting you guys to school or whatever other appointments you have. We'll have to play again tomorrow!"

Their big sun shaped head tilted to the side to express his curiosity.

"Where are your parents?"

And if it turns out they dumped this kid here and snuck out to do goodness know whats, said parents will have hell to pay-

#Closed Starter #ask-experiment-l0ck3t #Daycare Attendant #FNAF CW #Child Abandonment CW #Just being safe-

[ianfm]

who has disappointed ian the most in the past?

Ian isn't easily disappointed because his expectations of folks are set pretty low. That being said the person who's disappointed him the most in his life has always been his mother. Unlike his father who got out of the picture before he was born his mother stuck around until Ian was the age of three before ultimately tapping out of his life just the same. He's always held some resentment towards his mother for abandoning him and leaving him to be raised by his grandmother.

#answered #child abandonment cw

[drfrankensteinvsthequeerborgs]

kids growing up way too fast both literally (Emma, Amara, Jack) and metaphorically (Sam and Dean, Claire, Krissy) is one of the major themes of SPN, it just keeps coming back, we're swimming in nickels

#dfvq liveblog #dfv queue #dfvq spn #spn11x3 #stay gold ponyboy #parentification #thanks it's the trauma #emma winchester #amara supernatural #jack kline #krissy chambers #claire novak #sam winchester #dean winchester #cw child abuse #cw child abandonment

[lostmf]

#sadnees #tw depressing thoughts #depressing shit #i'm sad #tw depressing stuff #depressing life #childhood trauma #quotes #poetic #childhood #childhood ptsd #childhood truama #child abuse #inner child #abuse cw #tw selfhate #wound tw #tw: sucidal thoughts #tw ptsd #tw abuse #truamacore #generational truama #tw truama #i am in pain #ptsd vent #living with ptsd #tw cptsd #living with cptsd #im hurtin #abandoned

[justjanusthings]

#abandoning your son by dying #cw child abandonment #justjanusthings #janus sanders #deceit sanders #ts janus #ts deceit #jake sanders #ts sides #sanders sides #deceit

[lazy-toad]

So in part 31, Arthur says that he can't live for someone else. He gives that as the reason why he doesn't want to marry Bella. He can't live for someone else. Only for him to then go and live for his daughter. To make his little girl his whole life. For his whole world to end when she died

#*through tears* guys can we talk about Arthur Lester and the relationships he had with different members of his family pleasee #malevolent #malevolent podcast #cw child abandonment #cw child death #masked

[batsarebetterthanpeople]

I feel like maybe someone needs to say it and I figure it's probably best coming from the guy with the Calico Jack pfp who has been very open about not being the biggest Stede fan (he reminds me of my shitty ex hope this helps), because then this comes off less like unhinged blorbo apologia. I just. I'm gonna walk through a minefield with this meta, but I want to talk about the whole Stede abandoning his kids thing. I understand that many people feel all types of things about this and it's valid I get it, but I think we need a bit of perspective.

So basically, recap from discomfort in a married state, which is where we get 90% of Stede's tragic backstory from. I know a lot of stuff with this show is anachronistic, but Stede's marriage really does not seem like one of those things. I say that because in the modern day in the US, which is the audience that OFMD is geared towards and the culture which all the other historical anachronisms seem to favor, it's an American show, arranged marriage is basically unheard of. But it was relatively common among the aristocracy of 1717. Based on this I think we can assume a few things about Stede's marriage. 1) Divorce is not an option, and 2) You have to have kids to carry on the family name and have somebody to pass your money down to. Sure nobody's forcing you at gunpoint to have kids, but culturally back then the expectation is that you get married in order to have legitimate children. If they didn't have kids Mary would have been socially ostracized and seen as a failure of a woman, there would have been social consequences for Stede as well though less harsh. It's informative that Stede and Mary have the classic heir and a spare, i.e. one child to inherit the fortune and one child just in case something happens to that first kid, it's also informative that the younger child is male, since at the time the fortune would either go to the son or the daughter's husband if there was no son to pass it onto.

This is the context we have to understand Stede in. He's a gay man who was forced to be a husband to a woman and who was forced to be a father. The being Mary's husband and being a father are inextricably linked for Stede, because remember the whole point of getting married was to have an heir and you cannot get divorced it's illegal and pretty much unheard of. Stede is so miserable in this state that he literally fucks off to sea to become an outlaw where he'll probably die tomorrow. He's so fucking desperate that instead of going on a rich people cruise like a normal rich guy trying to get away from the family he's doing fucking crimes that could get him hanged to death if he gets caught and could get him killed while he carries them out. This is Stede's last ditch effort to leave his old life behind before he kills himself. This is a borderline suicide attempt from our boy. He's too chicken to do it for real but he can't live like this anymore and he needs to do something.

So like, yeah. Stede's abandonment was probably traumatic for his kids. He was put in a situation where he didn't have many other options, and most of those options are in fact more traumatic for Alma and Louis than Stede just disappearing one day. Because like, staying miserable like that for another... decade minimum I'm gonna guess based on how old Louis looks and acts, is an incredible fucking ask, and having two miserable parents will probably fuck those kids up in a whole host of ways. I know people who have parents who didn't love each other but stayed together for the kids and those people do have issues. Alma herself says that it's probably best he leave because Mary was happier when he was gone. He could just kill himself like normal, which is also pretty goddamn traumatic for his kids I shouldn't have to explain that one. Or he could fuck off in the middle of the night leaving them with Mary and the nanny that almost certainly exists, this isn't child neglect it's child abandonment, Stede can be sure Alma and Louis will be taken care of if he leaves. Even if Mary falls into the worst tropes about widowdom and becomes unable to care for them herself, they're very rich they have people who will care for them. That will fuck them up to, but not significantly more than him sticking around would and at a certain point you have to take care of yourself. The best options are not having the kids in the first place or getting a no fault divorce and being a weekends and holidays dad, but oops, he was forced into having the kids in the first place and he can't get divorced. There's no good options left, those kids are getting traumatized one way or another. The option that hurts himself the least is hitting the bricks.

So like, yeah, dunk on him for being an absent father. I love dunking on him for being an absent father it's very funny. I'll take any opportunity to dunk on Stede. But treating Stede's abandonment with the same lens you would examine modern child abandonment or acting like it's akin to child abuse (I have seen both takes on this wretched website, I'm far more sympathetic to the first than I am to the second) seems kinda unfair. Just like, idk remember the context of him never having asked to be a father and him not having any good options left. Walking out wasn't the right move because there was no right move. I think Stede probably should have had a conversation with Mary about how the only way for him to be happy was for him to leave and made sure that his leaving wasn't a surprise to his kids, but sometimes I think the way that people take it so damn serious is a little unfair

#ofmd #ofmd meta #stede bonnet #stede bonnet ofmd #cw child abandonment #cw suicide #our flag means death

[reblyakow]

old abandoned cemetery, i love to go there.

#shitpost #988twt #self h@rm #tw sh in tags #cemetery #forest #dsbm #cemetary #old cemetery #abandoned cemetery #my thougts #my pictures #vent txt #txt #txt post #cw vent #tw vent #inner child #cwtxt #my poem #nostaligiacore #tw sh implied #s3lf hate #s3lfharmm #s3lf mutilation #cvtaddict

[heyclickadee]

The more I think about it, the more I think Ephraim and Mira Bridger knew their son was different in a way that would make him a target if anyone noticed. They probably would have stood up to speak out against the Empire anyway, but imagine them just just going about their business, watching what’s happening, maybe listening to whatever state mandated message is playing non the radio, thinking that someone has got to do something; and then one of them turns around and sees that their three year old is levitating a jar of cookies across the room, and their heart sinks.

Because it’s not as though force sensitive people stopped being born after Order 66. They kept popping up, kept being born, but they had to be hidden, they were hunted down and killed, or hunted down and taken. And if they were hidden well enough, they’d grow up with no framework to understand that part of themselves, even if they were born into a culture with a force tradition separate from that of the Jedi, like the Nightsisters or the Lasat, because they were wiped out, too.

And most people probably knew very little about the inquisitors, if they knew anything at all, but people still talk. There had to be rumors, even early on in the imperial era. And the genocide of the Jedi was a public event; everyone knew about it. So there had to be a general sense of knowing that the force was a very, very dangerous thing to have, and those force sensitive kids who just kept being born would have suffered for it. There would absolutely be abusive parents trying to beat it out of them, absolute monsters abandoning their kids or handing them over the second their kid showed any signs to avoid being targets themselves; even well meaning parents begging their children to please, please hide it, you can’t do things like that, otherwise they’ll come and take you away. Who? And those parents don’t know, but they do hear that nothing good happens to children like theirs. So they hide, or pick up the entire family and run, find a new life, and hope that no one ever finds them. Or they just don’t acknowledge it, and hope it dies out quickly and that no one notices. Or they fight back, because they want the galaxy to be safe for children like theirs as much as the parents who hide their kids do, and they get themselves taken instead.

I sort of wonder if that’s part of why the Bridgers were so adamant about pushing back. Not the entire reason, of course, because the little we see of them really does imply that they’re just the kind of people to stand up for people who can’t. But knowing their son would always have a proverbial ax hanging over his head for being what he was probably made the fight a little more personal, assuming that they knew.

And I also wonder if that’s part of why no one took Ezra in after the Empire took Mira and Ephraim. If they knew, Tseebo probably knew, or at least suspected, and their neighbors might have, too. Because…I mean…when we meet Ezra in Rebels, he’s very obviously force sensitive. He has no training and he’s very casually using the force without knowing it. And, yes, a lot of that was probably brought out because he was basically a second grader who was going to starve to death if he didn’t start fending for himself and survival instinct kicked in, but there might have been reasons for the people around him to be suspicious before that. Because if they were, then he wasn’t just dangerous to take in because his parents were un-personed political prisoners of whom the Empire chose to make an example, he’d also potentially be that weird kid who might have the same thing the Jedi did, and everyone knew what happened to them, and the empire may very well come for him, too, if he is and if they notice. There would be people who’d see adopting little seven-year-old Ezra as too much of a risk. And most everyone in Ezra’s life did see taking him in as too much of a risk, because he was on his own until the ghost crew showed up.

Aaaannd this is getting away from me, but, tl;dr: I want to know if Mira and Ephraim knew their son was force sensitive, because I suspect they did.

#star wars rebels #ephraim bridger #mira bridger #I just want to meet theeemmmmm #they seem cool #I mean #meet them outside the couple of minutes we saw them in rebels #Ezra Bridger #yes I typed this in a frenzy during a work break why do you ask #cw abusive parents #not referring to the bridgers they’re great #just some hypothetical parents of hypothetical force sensitive kids #cw child abuse #cw child abandonment #sorry I forgot to tag those things so adding that in

[ribesrubrum]

under the mask of pride (fear rises as a guide)

//so i feel...honestly, a little guilty for how little i've been around as of late, especially since things are picking up drama-wise. irl debuffs aplenty will do that to you. but i wanted to get some writing out to kind of describe Carmine's mental state, so. here we are.

//fair warning: this fic is technically kind of offscreen rp in that it's at least canon that ren and carmine talked like this, though i'd greatly prefer it not be spread as a rumor or leak or something. but it also does talk about some heavy topics; namely very heavy self loathing, some mention of parental abandonment and abuse (heehoo headcanoning carmine's parents/why she's like this), mentions of bullying, self harm in the form of hair pulling/trichotillomania, and uh. ...look i'm not gonna beat around the bush, i don't wanna edgelord, i wanna treat this with respect but i also don't wanna sugarcoat it, this gets about as close to implying carmine was about to take drastic measures to alleviate her suffering as i'm comfortable with getting. the less implicit version of this warning will be in the tags. please uncollapse the tags before reading. dead dove: do not eat is in full effect here.

//this is going to be pretty heavy, and also stupid long. feel free to click if you're okay with handling that.

Carmine's listlessness has only grown as the days have worn on, she's finding. It doesn't help that her knuckles are still raw from punching her wall a day prior--she's thankful it seems like the wall fix went off without a hitch, and all she got was a rather stern talking to about making noise so late at night before the teacher that spoke with her went off. Cardigan's been sticking close to her side since Leavanny elected to stay near Kieran at least for a time, but even now, she feels pathetic for it.

Pathetic that she can't help her brother. Pathetic that she can't help her girlfriend, who simply wants to make sure that the whole club that they built together and maintained isn't destroyed because of Drayton's boneheaded move. If Carmine looked deep within herself, she'd be looking at Kiki's actions too, that he allowed this, that he's possibly setting himself up to lose everything. That Drayton's encouraging it, and she's been more on edge than ever and ready to tear someone apart for it. If she doesn't wind up punching him out when all is said and done, she's going to be very surprised.

Cardigan trills a bit from beside her, and she looks down to the flower-less Lilligant, pausing a bit as she looks down. She recognizes that trill, and knows that she's probably being concerning right now. Emotional regulation is still something that Carmine struggles with, even now, knowing that she can't and she shouldn't scream her feelings out to try and get people to understand, that yelling doesn't help, that you have to see other's perspectives. Even if sometimes, they trounce all over your own. Carmine looks down to Cardigan, giving the Lilligant a tired smile.

"...Sorry, Cardi. I know I'm probably not making your job very easy." It's soft in a way Carmine never usually is. In a way that Carmine never allows herself to be--she's all bravado and arrogance because for years, that's what kept her safe. That's what kept her and her brother safe, even if it clipped his wings and made everyone around her hesitant to approach either of them. It was safety, the thorns and briars that she metaphorically planted around herself, letting them spread where she walked and lashing them out at anyone who would even for a second think of hurting her. It was safety, it was lonely, but it was home.

...It's no wonder she likes grass types so much. The Lilligant's gaze only seems to get sadder when she says that much, gentle, leafy hands going to take one of her own as Cardigan stares up at her, as if trying to communicate something with those amber eyes that almost seem pleading. Carmine's hand trembles a bit, because once again she doesn't understand, she can't understand, why can't she--

Carmine hears footsteps, and immediately, her guard is up. She's immediately ready to go on the attack, in case anyone saw her, in case she has to defend being out for a walk in the Canyon Biome with her therapy Pokemon, something she's already received plenty of jabs about--but no. There's a familiar mop of blue hair, and that silly, dorky looking Orthworm is following them and waving with them, as Terry and Mio seem to take over where they left off. Ren's an idiot, in the bluntest of terms, but there's a sense of safety that comes with them. That they can see her, at her worst and most cruel, and laugh and let it slide off their back so easily. Because they were her age once. Her gender once, even, though that's largely irrelevant. They always seem so certain and keep their spirits so high, even if she's the only one they've trusted with some of their worries. And Carmine in turn, has trusted Ren with some of hers.

...They're about as disconnected from this entire situation as they can be, even though they met during that trip. It's as Carmine is contemplating going up to them and being a bother and just turning heel and walking away that the choice is made for her, as they turn around, start walking and see her--

"Oh! Miss Carmine, hey!"

She could walk away. She could just tell them to piss off and lash out, and destroy one of the few unconnected relationships she has with this entire mess, one of the few things that's genuinely hers. She could recede inside herself, lock herself away like she did after she reached her breaking point, when she nearly...

"Hey, Ren. Finally getting your nose out of those cameras?"

The barb is light, half-hearted at best, and could probably make someone deeply passionate a little upset at being teased. And yet Ren takes it in stride, laughing easily as they walk up, Lulu going to Cardigan and just kind of talking with the Lilligant for a moment. "You know it, girlie! Arc, all of these worms are doin' so well, they ain't overwhelmin' the environment nor gettin' overwhelmed themselves--everything's so perfect right now, it's really amazing! Ohh, I gotta tell you about some of the babies, they're just--"

For a brief moment, Carmine thinks she can just get away with Ren going on a hyperfixation ramble and forgetting her own worries in favor of focusing on the things her rival has accomplished. Because it is quite the accomplishment, even if Carmine's definitely harped on them for trying to downplay it before. But their gaze goes to Cardigan and Lulu, falling quickly and their words fading off as Carmine looks, and now everyone looks concerned.

Carmine's posture tightens as she realizes she can't get away with this so easily. She feels their gaze dart back to her, and she's already sure her expression is stormy, and...

"...I think that's enough about me." Fuck. Their voice has softened considerably, and she knows she's done for. "Miss Carmine, are you--"

"I'm fine, Ren." It comes out too sharp, too defensive, and there's a brief moment where she's hoping Ren will just walk away at that. She's shaking, she knows she is, and her gaze averts a bit only to feel not just Cardigan, but Lulu--that stupid, brainless worm--take her hands, wrapping them both in leaves and tendrils, and it feels disgusting and bitter and she wants to run and hide, she wants to tear her hands away--

"...Miss Carmine." Ren's voice sounds so soft, so...sad for a moment, and there's a pause as more footsteps can be heard--Carmine doesn't even bother to flinch, but she feels a tug on both of her hands as she opens her eyes, seeing Ren nod at both Pokemon before looking to her with a smile that's both soft and sad.

"Come on, Miss Carmine. Let's go somewhere else to talk, okay?"

---------------------------------------------

The trip back to her room is arduous, even though it barely takes more than fifteen minutes. Every agonizing second feels like a walk of shame, but she realizes something along the way. It's only so long because Ren knows their way around here like the back of their hand now; they know where people aren't, because they aren't some social butterfly who likes to help in every club. They take her through an easy but arduous path that leaves her alone in her head, and it takes a couple of second after Ren's stopped for her to stop too.

"...You must have a lot on yer mind to be makin' mistakes like this, Miss Carmine." Ren's voice is soft, non-judgemental, and they don't even flinch when she turns back to face them with something of a severe expression. It's the kind of care and kindness she doesn't deserve, she's sure, but as she unlocks the door to her room and ushers Ren and their Pokemon inside, it's something she finds herself internally thankful for.

Carmine's room is a mess, perhaps moreso than usual. Stress eating will do that, bags of chips and other sweet and savory alike strewn about. Cardigan doesn't even seem surprised, but Lulu, bless his stupid little soul, seems taken aback by it as he draws himself inside. She hears Ren's footsteps as they close the door behind them, a small sound escaping them as they walk in front of Carmine.

"You want some help cleanin' off that bed of yours?" Carmine looks over at her messy, disheveled bed, and it's many snacks and wrappers as well. It's an absolute Tepigsty, more than she'd ever allow anyone to see. She feels herself listlessly nod her head as she looks over to Ren, who's concern hasn't dampened even an inch as they move to help in an instant. She's thankful she's got a vacuum and that it's early enough in the afternoon that nobody's likely around the dorms; Cardigan and Lulu both assist as well as they help clear it off, at least enough to let Carmine sit down on it once they're all done.

Cardigan hops on the bed with Carmine as she sits down, and Lulu rests his head near Ren's feet as he gets himself comfortable on the floor, and Ren looks to her, finally broaching the topic, "Ya look like you got a lot on yer mind, Miss Carmine. You sure everything's okay?"

It takes Carmine a lot longer than she'd like to respond. Cardigan gently takes hold of one of Carmine's hands, gently petting it with her own leafy appendage. The eventual response she settles on is a bitter laugh.

"...I don't know." It comes out so soft and uncertain, it feels like she's a different person entirely when she says it. "I thought everything was fine. I thought...I don't know, I thought that everything would be okay. I really let myself believe that now that I made up with my brother, that everything would go back to some sort of normal, but..."

Carmine's voice pitches higher and higher with every word, and she finds herself shaking a bit. She can't even look at her rival right now, how pathetic can she even get?

"Oh, Carmine..." There's not even that weirdly respectful 'Miss' at the beginning of her name, and a part of her hates that, that she's being seen as sympathetic for even a moment when she doesn't deserve it, she doesn't deserve this, if she'd just trusted Kiki-- "Nothin' is ever that easy, but I remember how relieved ya were when Kiki actually bothered to respond."

"Yeah." Carmine confirms that much, listlessly, but a ghost of a smile traces her face. "...It really filled me with hope, for a second. That maybe things could go back to some sort of normal, that I could really see Kiki for all he is. It wanted to be seen and come into it's own, and I...I didn't know how to do that, but..."

"...But you wanted to try." Ren's words softly intervene. Carmine nods shortly after.

"I wanted to try. I still do. But it's...that big fight happened, and now everything's just...it feels like we're right back where we started."

Carmine's voice breaks a little bit, and try as she might to rein it in, it's harder to get back on track. At this point, she feels, she might as well just give up.

"...I don't know what to do."

Carmine's gaze stays down, because she can't look at Ren, she can't, she just can't. But Ren's words; soft, steady words, a contrast to the cold steel they loved so dearly, pour out none the less.

"...It's a tough position to be in, Carmine. Ya got your brother and it's undyin' need to win on one side, and ya got Miss Amarys tryin' her damnedest to hold everyone together on the other, yeah?"

"Yeah. And it's like--I don't want to destroy the relationship I have with my brother. I want to rebuild it, to let it come into it's own. But I...my beloved is right, even if I worry about saying it. She tries so hard to uphold the rules of the club, of this school, and these--these jerks keep sending her horrible, disgusting things for it. And for what?"

A quiet settles over the room, and she's sure Ren expects her to elaborate, but she doesn't. Not even she knows what, and she's sure Ren gets it by the time they speak up next.

"...I ain't gonna go makin' any assumptions, but...I don't even think I know the answer to that, Carmine."

It's soft, when Ren admits it. Sad, even. She can only imagine what their face is doing right now, and it gets Carmine to laugh a bit. Bitterly, wretchedly.

"Neither do--neither do I, Ren. And do you know how much that kills me?"

Carmine's voice pitch rises, and she feels her free hand drawing into her hair, Cardigan's trills of concern becoming more apparent as she tries to hop over and dislodge it--

"I love Kiki! I love Amarys! I love them both more than life itself and I--if I say anything at all, I'm going to hurt one of them. Both of them, even, maybe, whether I intend it or not! And the little Mandibuzzes on here, flying around and trying to hurt everyone in this school, they'll be on it in an instant, they'll--they'll hurt them both, they'll turn them both against each other, and I--if I do anything, they already know it's my fault from the start, that all of this is, that I was stupid and boneheaded and lied to my brother because I was scared it could've gotten hurt--"

"Miss Carmine."

"--and I told Juliana to lie, yes, I got so worried that Kiki would just get so excited and that Ogerpon could've hurt or done something worse to it, but then my grandfather told me to keep my mouth shut about helping Ogerpon and I--I didn't--"

"Miss Carmine."

"--And then it--it stole her mask, and I've never been more angry in my life at it, and it just--it keeps stomping on others feelings, and it won't believe anyone, and I don't know what I can actually do--"

"Miss Carmine, please--!"

"WHAT?! WHAT DO YOU WANT?!"

Carmine's shriek practically causes her to lunge at her friend, the firm tone in that moment making her see someone else. Wide yellow eyes fiercely stare at bright blue ones, as Ren startles a bit at the ferocity in her tone. The quiet over the room is tense and uneasy, and Ren already sees a few strands got torn out because of it. They take a gentle breath in as realization hits Carmine, but she's still for a moment. Still as Cardigan trills with concern, as Lulu looks up with even more concern on his dopey little face, though he looks ready to hold Carmine back more than anything.

Ren's surprisingly quick on the uptake, at least, and they speak up again before Carmine can.

"Isn't that somethin' you should be askin' of yourself?"

Ren's words are confusing, and the confusion must be apparent on her face as they reach her ears. Ren gently breathes, and continues, "I mean it. You've been talkin' this entire time about Kiki this, Amarys that, and I ain't gonna disparage you for that. Sure puts any rumors of ya bein' self centered to bed, not that I believed 'em anyway. But..."

"What is it that ya want, at the end of it all? Isn't that a question that's come up even once for ya...?"

Carmine can't even believe what she's hearing.

"Why does that matter? I've taken what I wanted for years, I--"

"Okay, you hold on a second here." Ren's words are still soft, but there's a firmness to them now that cuts through her words like butter. "When did that stop bein' a question you asked yerself?"

"It doesn't matter--"

"It absolutely does matter? Girl, yer gettin' tugged in two different directions and ya sound like yer long past the end of yer rope."

"Why does it matter when I've been nothing but a selfish bitch this entire time?!"

And that startles Ren enough to actually get them to stop for a second, completely taken aback. Carmine's gaze goes downward, and she's shaking, horribly.

"Those anons were right, okay?! I ruined Kiki's one good friendship because I'm a bonehead, I'm a failure of a girlfriend who can't even help the girl I love so much with her anger and problems other than just being there like a useless cardboard cutout, I deserve this, all of it, even all of the hateful words and it would've just been so much easier if I had--"

Something stops Carmine in her tracks from speaking. Multiple of them, really. Cardigan's hands, for starters, wrapped firmly around one of her own hands; two of Lulu's tendrils wrap around the other, and even Carmine has to admit that she's surprised by how little an Orthworm's head seems to weigh as he rests his head on one of her legs with concern.

The final thing, that she didn't even hear, is Ren getting up and putting a firm, supportive hand on her shoulder, tiny as said hand is. When she actually gets a look at their face, they look like they're about to cry, and for a brief moment she wonders if she's just gone and ruined another friendship.

"Don't--don't you dare talk about yerself like that again, you hear me?"

Oh. That's not what she expected at all; Ren's voice practically trembles as they say that, and it hits something in her. Carmine's eyes well up with tears of her own, and she can practically hear herself sniffling.

"...I'm sorry, Ren." Her voice is so soft, so delicate, so fragile in the moment that she wonders if it's her own. "I'm...I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm..."

"I know you are." Ren's voice softens from that point on, and their grip becomes a little easier. A little more slack, but still there. "When did ya stop seein' yerself as someone not worth considerin' the feelin's of, girl...?"

"...I don't know. It was...before that. Maybe when Amarys and Kiki fought that one time. I--I don't know." Carmine's voice is shaky as she struggles to keep herself together, and she feels Cardigan shift and pull her arm into a hug, and the tears start pouring down at that. She can't stop them, even if she's not a sobbing wreck with no dignity. Yet, at least. "...I don't want to lose anything else."

That gets a pause from Ren, who does their best to calm themself down. "Anything else...?"

"...My parents are divorced. My dad was...he was awful. Just a screaming, bumbling oaf who went from job to job while my mom stayed home and took care of us. Though she was...she was way more focused on Kiki..."

Ren listens carefully, nodding their head as Carmine continues.

"I haven't seen either of them in...years. We usually live with our grandparents, when we're not here. Last time I saw my mom, we got into an argument. I asked her why she stopped caring for me. Why she just...tried to leave me with him--"

"...She what?"

Carmine spares a quick glance at Ren's face, when they say that--practically seething with an anger they don't usually express. "...Yeah. She--she said she could only handle one of us, and that I was Dad's favorite, so..."

"Girl." Ren's doing their best to keep their tone level, but the anger doesn't leave. Hell, if anything, it mixes with the sheer unholy audacity of what they heard, leaving them flabberghasted-- "What the fuck is wrong with your mom?"

Carmine laughs, and while it sounds bitter, there's almost some mirth to it. "Yeah. Like I said. We got into an argument last time I talked to her. I told her I wanted an apology for her trying to abandon me, before Dad went and ran away. I...haven't spoken to her since."

"Carmine...what the fuck, that's so..."

A silence hangs over the room as Ren trails off, but Carmine breaks the silence after a few moments.

"...Between this, and the rest of the shit I dealt with at school...I...I didn't want Kiki to turn out like me." Carmine sniffles, tears still coming unbidden. "I thought you had to be tough and mean to make it, but I just...I wanted Kiki to grow up happy. I wanted it to have a better life than me. I was this bitter, mean girl, but I thought I could at least make it so my little brother--it'd have a chance at growing up to be a gentle hearted little dork who had something happy in it's life. But all I did...it all just amounted to...to..."

There's a few seconds more of sniffling before the dam finally breaks, and Carmine just starts to sob without an end. She's pretty sure her makeup is running down her face, if it hasn't been already; she finally just breaks, her tears pouring and pouring down as she sobs wretchedly and loudly, her hands finally being relinquished so she can try, in vain, to wipe those tears off. But still they come; the pain of so much more than a simple inciting incident, but still mostly that.

Ren uses their own free hand to wipe away the tears falling from their own eyes, as they just let her for a bit.

"...I want to stop hurting." Carmine speaks up, and Ren starts for a moment as they listen. "I want to stop feeling like the evil person that everyone thinks I am. But what if I'm just born evil, and there's no changing that...?"

"That's--" Ren speaks up, briefly, but Carmine speaks again and they let her get it out of her system.

"I want to make things better. I want to just know if it's all my fault, I want to know if I'm just--if I'm justified, in being unable to forgive Kiki for some of the stuff it did." Carmine sniffles again, wretched sobs still escaping her. "...I want to be able to be happy again, without feeling like I'm walking on eggshells. I want to make my girlfriend's pain go away--I want to make Kiki's pain go away, and fuck, maybe even Atlas' and some of the others. I want the world to just stop for a bit, at least so I can stop aching like this. I...I think I just want, more than anything, for someone to tell me I've suffered enough for this, or at the very least, that I just haven't grown up to become a little clone of Dad."

"...Is that so much to ask?"

The question is soft, full of despair, but it at least feels...somewhat good, to try and dislodge some of the thorns in her. It's painful and it feels dizzying, but Ren's hand remains steady, even if their own tears come down hard.

"...You're a teenager. A teenager shouldn't--you shouldn't ever have to ask that kind of shit of yourself." Ren's words are soft, with an empathy forged in the same shit they went through. Just without a depressive spiral and a shut-in phase. "You deserve to be happy, Carmine. You made a dumb, boneheaded mistake, but that doesn't mean you're evil. And it sure as fuck don't mean that you've gone and become your Dad."

Carmine pauses a bit, her sobs coming slower as she tries to listen.

"None of that shit yer askin' about, none of it's too much. But how's anyone else gonna be happy--how can ya share happiness with others if ya ain't gettin' happiness for yerself, y'know?"

"Because ya do deserve it. Whether ya want to admit it or not. Yer not evil, yer not your dad, you're literally a confused sixteen year old girl who should've never been made to feel like that."

It's shocking to hear, really. All of it is. Ren says it with so much conviction that Carmine almost believes it.

"...I don't want to talk anymore. I...I think I just want to...cry..."

"...Cry as much as you need, girl. I'll be here as long as you need."

"Don't--don't tell anyone about this, Ren. Please. Everyone has enough to worry about, and I...I don't want to put more on them. Please, I already feel bad enough burdening you..."

Ren manages something of a soft, warm chuckle at that. "...No worries, girl. What we talked about is stayin' in here, I swear on my life."

"...Thank you, Ren."

Carmine cries herself out eventually; by the time she's done, the two of them have shifted from the bed to the floor, bringing Carmine's mattress down to floor level so they could distract themselves until Carmine fell asleep. It's no easy fix, listening to a friend, but...if it makes the burden lighter, then Ren has no problem with it.

They were in a similar place many years ago with no one to help them, after all. It's the least they can do.

#carmine talks #pokemon irl #pkmn irl #pokeblogging #rotomblr #long post #pokeirl fanfic #drama stakes pokereality #cw suicidal ideation #cw self harm #cw abusive parents #cw emotional abuse #cw bullying #cw mention of attempted child abandonment #cw child abandonment #ask to tag #//that SHOULD encompass everything #//but if i have missed anything at all. please let me know and i will tag #//this is a long and very difficult ride i worked very hard on

[spaceacealex]

like. Skinamarink was really obviously a story of child abuse/neglect to me. i am genuinely so confused by any breakdown doesnt come to that same conclusion. a coma? a demon? a mental illness? drugs? like i guess those can be part of it. but its NEGLECT. its kids being abandoned and not knowing how to grow up when their only contact with their parents are memories and being pushed away and waiting for them to return. its their childhoods twisting and becoming unreliable memories that will cause a darkness in them they may never get the chance to recover from. its the nightmares that feel real because at one point, they were.

or im just swinging fouls who fucking knows

#idk im on a video essay spiral again #this movie still confounds me #cw child abandonment #cw child neglect #skinamarink