Tumgik
#cm incorrect
xervoxs · 3 months
Text
Hotch*checking under the bed*
Hotch: see no monsters in here
Reid: and closet..
Hotch*opening the closet*: see..
Hotch: Emily?
Hotch: come out, now
Emily: i'm lesbian
Morgan*coming out of nowhere*: i knew it
Reid*screams*
Hotch: what the..
687 notes · View notes
patrickispinky · 6 months
Text
Derek: are you the big spoon or the little spoon?
Emily: i'm the knife
Jj: *from across the room* she's the little spoon
6K notes · View notes
Text
*the BAU team noticing Y/n and Spencer Reid*
Emily: hey- Derek. look at how close they’re standing. 
Garcia: they’re practically breathing the same oxygen. 
Derek scoffs: that kid’s got nerve. yesterday he literally took a whole step away from me when I stood too close to him- went on about something like germs in the air or whatever. 
Garcia: yeah, well, my love, you are not Y/n. 
1K notes · View notes
velvetwilde · 1 month
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
What was the reason to look this damn hot?
2K notes · View notes
lilliejareau · 1 month
Text
yall is just me or does david rossi lowkey have the same vibe as manny from ice age?
Tumblr media Tumblr media
do they look alike? is it the hair swoop? idk but it’s SOMETHING
1K notes · View notes
Text
*Spencer zoned out*
Derek: What are you thinking about?
Spencer: How long i'd survive if you suffocated me with a pillow.
Derek: What's wrong with you?
Spencer: Do you want a list?
1K notes · View notes
demonicbaby666 · 10 months
Text
Emily: [flips monopoly board over] Hotch: Prentiss! Emily: This is why your wife is dead Reid: Emily! Emily: This is why your girlfriend is dead Morgan: Emily: This is why you’re bald Morgan: I DIDNT SAY SHIT!
3K notes · View notes
Text
JJ : An apple a day keeps the doctor away
Emily : Slowly bites into an apple while menacingly looking at Reid
Reid :
Reid : Emily what the fuck
1K notes · View notes
sarcasm-and-stiles · 2 months
Text
Y/N: When you said 'Magic in Bed', I wasn't expecting this...
Spencer: *pulls out card from deck* Now, was this your card?
Y/N: Holy fuck-
1K notes · View notes
bucker3911 · 6 months
Text
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
(respectfully ofc)
2K notes · View notes
blackhillfilmss · 1 year
Text
Y/N: What if the person who named Walkie Talkies named everything?
Emily: Pregnancy tests are Maybe Babies
Penelope: Socks are Feetie Heaties
JJ: Forks are Stabby Grabbies
Spencer: Defibrillators are Heartie Starties
Derek: Nightmares are Dreamy Screamies
Y/N: Stamps are Lickie Stickies
Hotch: *annoyed* You’re all disappointments
6K notes · View notes
xervoxs · 2 months
Text
spencer: oh my god
spencer: you broke emily
derek: what do we do??
aaron: *speechless*
emily: *crying*
penelope: i just let her listen to taylor swift
333 notes · View notes
patrickispinky · 6 months
Text
Emily: i can't find my pen. are you sitting on it again?
Y/n: no.
Emily: stand up.
Y/n: i don't want to.
Emily: why?
Y/n: *mumbling* because i'm probably sitting on your pen 😔
2K notes · View notes
spencestiel-michelle · 4 months
Text
*Fire alarms go off in FBI building at 7:45 am*
Hotch: alright, that’s the annual fire drill. everybody stay calm and exit the-
*Penelope RUNS out of the room*
Hotch: GARCIA? 
Penelope, running down the hall: I NEED MY PLUSHIESSSS. THEY WILL SURVIVE!!!
Hotch: it’s just a drill-
Reid, fretting: HAS EVERYBODY READ MY EMERGENCY FIRE DRILL PROCEDURES???
*Emily throws herself through the glass window* 
Derek: we’re on the sixth floor, how’s she gonna…? 
Hotch: will everyone please calm down, it’s ONLY a- 
*Reid stops, drops, and rolls around the floor* 
Derek shrugs and starts doing super-spy moves (somersaults, unnecessary turns, etc.) to maneuver around the building, evading the “fire”
Hotch: i truly don’t know why i even try…… where’s Dave? 
*David Rossi has yet to step inside the building this morning with the foreknowledge of the annual fire drill*
Rossi, sipping coffee, leaning against the building: i wonder how he’s doing this year. 
*JJ arrives late*
JJ: hey, what’d i miss? 
Rossi: annual fire drill. 
JJ: ah.
JJ: ooh. 
Rossi: yeah. 
2K notes · View notes
reidxtrminds · 6 months
Text
Rossi: Call the kids, they're not listening to me.
Hotch: I'm not their dad.
Rossi: Just do it.
Hotch to the kids, Spencer, Derek, Emily, JJ and Penelope: Okey everyone ! Line up, the car leave in 5 minutes !
The kids: *Immediately line up and follow Hotch like ducklings*
Rossi:
Hotch:
Hotch: No listen, LISTEN I'm not their-
1K notes · View notes
ralvezfanatic · 3 months
Text
Y/N, to Spencer while straddling his lap: Glasses stay on during sex.
Spencer, who was about to take his glasses off: Oh, um.. okay.
Y/N: Wait I meant that as in my glasses. I'm blind as fuck.
Spencer, slightly confused: Oh. *moves his hand to take his glasses off*
Y/N: Wait no, keep yours on too, they're super hot
Spencer, still confused and now flustered: ...
932 notes · View notes