Hotch*checking under the bed*
Hotch: see no monsters in here
Reid: and closet..
Hotch*opening the closet*: see..
Hotch: Emily?
Hotch: come out, now
Emily: i'm lesbian
Morgan*coming out of nowhere*: i knew it
Reid*screams*
Hotch: what the..
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*the BAU team noticing Y/n and Spencer Reid*
Emily: hey- Derek. look at how close they’re standing.
Garcia: they’re practically breathing the same oxygen.
Derek scoffs: that kid’s got nerve. yesterday he literally took a whole step away from me when I stood too close to him- went on about something like germs in the air or whatever.
Garcia: yeah, well, my love, you are not Y/n.
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yall is just me or does david rossi lowkey have the same vibe as manny from ice age?
do they look alike? is it the hair swoop? idk but it’s SOMETHING
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Emily: [flips monopoly board over]
Hotch: Prentiss!
Emily: This is why your wife is dead
Reid: Emily!
Emily: This is why your girlfriend is dead
Morgan:
Emily: This is why you’re bald
Morgan: I DIDNT SAY SHIT!
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JJ : An apple a day keeps the doctor away
Emily : Slowly bites into an apple while menacingly looking at Reid
Reid :
Reid : Emily what the fuck
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Y/N: When you said 'Magic in Bed', I wasn't expecting this...
Spencer: *pulls out card from deck* Now, was this your card?
Y/N: Holy fuck-
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Y/N: What if the person who named Walkie Talkies named everything?
Emily: Pregnancy tests are Maybe Babies
Penelope: Socks are Feetie Heaties
JJ: Forks are Stabby Grabbies
Spencer: Defibrillators are Heartie Starties
Derek: Nightmares are Dreamy Screamies
Y/N: Stamps are Lickie Stickies
Hotch: *annoyed* You’re all disappointments
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spencer: oh my god
spencer: you broke emily
derek: what do we do??
aaron: *speechless*
emily: *crying*
penelope: i just let her listen to taylor swift
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*Fire alarms go off in FBI building at 7:45 am*
Hotch: alright, that’s the annual fire drill. everybody stay calm and exit the-
*Penelope RUNS out of the room*
Hotch: GARCIA?
Penelope, running down the hall: I NEED MY PLUSHIESSSS. THEY WILL SURVIVE!!!
Hotch: it’s just a drill-
Reid, fretting: HAS EVERYBODY READ MY EMERGENCY FIRE DRILL PROCEDURES???
*Emily throws herself through the glass window*
Derek: we’re on the sixth floor, how’s she gonna…?
Hotch: will everyone please calm down, it’s ONLY a-
*Reid stops, drops, and rolls around the floor*
Derek shrugs and starts doing super-spy moves (somersaults, unnecessary turns, etc.) to maneuver around the building, evading the “fire”
Hotch: i truly don’t know why i even try…… where’s Dave?
*David Rossi has yet to step inside the building this morning with the foreknowledge of the annual fire drill*
Rossi, sipping coffee, leaning against the building: i wonder how he’s doing this year.
*JJ arrives late*
JJ: hey, what’d i miss?
Rossi: annual fire drill.
JJ: ah.
JJ: ooh.
Rossi: yeah.
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Rossi: Call the kids, they're not listening to me.
Hotch: I'm not their dad.
Rossi: Just do it.
Hotch to the kids, Spencer, Derek, Emily, JJ and Penelope: Okey everyone ! Line up, the car leave in 5 minutes !
The kids: *Immediately line up and follow Hotch like ducklings*
Rossi:
Hotch:
Hotch: No listen, LISTEN I'm not their-
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Y/N, to Spencer while straddling his lap: Glasses stay on during sex.
Spencer, who was about to take his glasses off: Oh, um.. okay.
Y/N: Wait I meant that as in my glasses. I'm blind as fuck.
Spencer, slightly confused: Oh. *moves his hand to take his glasses off*
Y/N: Wait no, keep yours on too, they're super hot
Spencer, still confused and now flustered: ...
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