#did they take quotes straight from my blog perhaps

[thiswaycomessomethingwicked]

omg I want to know, how were the Napoleon Queer Wars of 2014 like?? 😬

oh lord lol

It's been almost ten years and I still get weird YIKES reaction in my skin when I think about it, or when people in the current Napoleonic corner act a bit like the people from back then. Which is a me issue, and not anyone else's problem. But it is why I don't really engage with anyone from the Napoleonic side of tumblr anymore - too many bad memories and bad taste in my mouth.

Essentially, someone posted the (in)famous Cronin quote re: Napoleon telling Coulaincourt about the Feelings He Gets When Looking At Someone Handsome Friend Shaped. They speculated about queer* implications of this.

--

*necessary disclaimer about modern concepts of sexuality not being applicable to the past yadda yadda yadda. I'm using short hand here, folks. No one needs to jump down my throat.

--

A bunch of the Very Serious History Blogs(tm) came down hard on them being like "you're a fool, absolutely not, Napoleon was Straight(tm)". Someone else replied being like "Well what about That Letter from N to Josie concerning a Certain Tsar of Russia?"

I forget how That Letter was explained away, but it was.

Some name calling nonsense and really aggresive replies where bandied back and forth. People were passive aggresive and mean. People ignored each other then wrote vagueing posts about it. The usual damned foolishness you would expect.

Then someone else referenced that one book whose whole thesis is basically Napoleon was Probably Bi. The book, I will say, isn't great. I'd never recommend it. But it was floating around in the 2014/15 world of Napoleonic Tumblr.

And oh man was the person who suggested it torn to shreds. Eviscerated. It was like watching a train wreck and the by standers decided to lock the doors of the train and not let the passengers off while everything burned.

There were weird spin-off dramas from this nonsense where people got into whether or not being interested in Napoleon made you a war crime sympathizer. (Some things never change on this webbed site.) Messy, messy. Also, utterly dumb.

Anyway - it ended up weirdly boiling down to two sides: Are You A Serious Historian/Take History Seriously(tm) Therefore Anti-Napoleon Possibly Being Something Like Queer Even If Never Acted On versus People Having Fun(tm) on the Internet Who Now Have Their Backs Up and Are Responding Perhaps Unwisely.

There was a third party, which I was part of at that time** (no longer, since I left academia), which was the "We Do Real History As A Day Job, Because We Are In Academia, but Lol Like Hell Would I Think to do Serious History on the Blue Hell Site. I'm Present for Shits and Giggles and Idle Speculation and Chats. Nothing Here is Serious. Everyone Needs To Calm Down and Take Themselves Way Less Seriously." We were a small contingent, to say the least.

--

**this is not to say I didn't walk away with egg on my face. Because I did. My comportment wasn't great and it's something I've been trying to be better about ever since.

It's not a time I think anyone save like four Napoleonic-interested blogs can look back on without blame.

--

But yeah - it was a real bad time on here. People were called names and cruel, cruel messages were sent to various and sundry by various and sundry. People deactivated over it. Friendships were literally torched because of it. There was a lot of issues with: "What Is Tone When Jumping On Someone's Post?? We don't know how to gauge it! Are you being mean? Are you being helpful? Who knows!! But you sounded aggresive in your add on and so I had better respond aggressively as well."

All because some people took themselves too seriously and because other people were stupidly mean about something dumb.

If I sometimes come in really strong with five million disclaimers in my napoleon asks/responses, even just the silly, purely speculative ones that no one sensible expects Real Serious History to result from - questions that clearly fall into the camp of shit a friend would ask you at the bar after four pints - things like: "was he queer? do you think he had add/adhd? what do you speculate were mental health issues he may have had?" etc. it's because of this year/year-and-a-half shit show. (And my disclaimers don't always serve their purpose because this is, after all, the Piss on the Poor website and people lack attention to detail when reading. [That said, I'm just as guilty of it as well, so can't point too many fingers.])

anyway, the long and short is that MAN people were very anti-any idea that there might have been an iota of what we would term queerness in Napoleon. And MAN no one can be normal on this site about anything so of course there was unnecessary drama and hurt feelings and bitterness.

May we never repeat this stupid time.

#it's why blocking liberally is your friend!! #No one did that back then and it would have saved a lot of heart ache #napoleon #napoleon bonaparte #napoleonic #ask #reply #anon #the Great Napoleon Queer War of 2014

[pearlsinmyhair]

༄ breath of venus ༄

interlude - sins of the father

word count: 1.6k

warnings: mentions of hunting, venus kills a yerik. she has some pretty harsh thoughts about herself regarding her identity as both jake’s and quaritch’s daughter.

a.n.: TARSEM IS HERE! we love tarsem on this blog. he’s one of my fav background characters, and he will make a reappearance much later on. this is a small breather between chapters, a flashback chapter if you will. so sit back, relax, and i hope you enjoy. no quote for this chapter (sad, i know).

glossary:

‘eylan: friend

hi’i tsmuke: little sister

yerik: game animal that the Omatikaya hunt. it’s the llama lipped creature from the first movie that jake hunts.

sa’nok: mother

iknimaya: a ceremony where a young na’vi tames and rides a banshee.

taronyu: hunter

next

when she learned the identity of her father , it was an accident.

“Tarsem, please. I want to go. Dad’s given me permission to use my bow, but no one takes me anywhere.” she whined, struggling to keep pace with the group. They were made up of young men of their late teens and early twenties, and she was only half their height at eleven.

“You’ll hold us back, kid. You’re too slow, and too loud. Perhaps when you are older.” said Cantù. Venus glared at him before turning her attention back to Tarsem.

“Obviously you have never hunted with Venus before, ‘eylan. That, or you do not know her well.” Tarsem countered. He reached down and ruffled her hair, being careful to avoid her kuru. He always had an appreciation for her kind and sincere nature, no matter how eager she could get. “She will come with us. Bring your bow, hi’i tsmuke.”

She gave him a wide grin before running off to do as he told her. When she returned, they headed into the forest.

A few hours later, she was home.

They had caught their prey earlier than anticipated, and Tarsem had allowed her to fire the lethal shot instead of the other hunters.

“Let her prove herself, if she wishes to do so” he had said to one of the hunters who disapproved.

“She can try” Ta’nui said, laughing softly with his friends as he lowered the arrow.

Venus raised her tiny arrow in spite of the snickers, taking careful aim at the yerik. She took in a breath and let go as she exhaled.

The arrow flew straight into the animals eye, striking it through so it peaked through the other side of its skull.

The group was silent as she ran to the beast, now slumped on the ground, and prayed over it before slicing her knife into its heart.

It was her first kill.

Needless to say, she bounded through the camp to her tent, eager to tell her parents of her first victory as a true omatikayan warrior.

“Jake, we cannot tell her. She will be devastated.” came her mothers voice through the tent wall. She stopped and went around to the back, pressing her ear to the fabric.

“Venus has the right to know.”

So this was about her. What did she not know?

‘What if she runs. She has always been flighty, and she will be unwilling to stand it. She is too young, Ma’Jake.’

Venus did not think she was too young for anything. After all, she still had yerik blood on her knife.

She rolled her eyes at her mothers answer. She was always so worried about Venus running off. She always came back, she assured her sa’nok constantly. But it didn’t matter.

She was pulling the flap of the tent aside to ask ‘what do i need to know?’ when Jake revealed it.

“The longer we wait to tell her Quaritch is her father, the worse her reaction will be.”

Venus dropped her knife.

Both parents startled and turned just in time to see Venus’s tail disappear.

They called for her to stop, to wait, to listen. But she wasn’t hearing them. Blood roared in her ears as she ran to the lab to search the files that Grace had left for her.

Memories and questions flashed in her mind as quick as her feet.

Is this why mother doesn’t look at me sometimes? Does she see the man who killed grandfather? Who killed Seze? I am the offspring of a monster. It is not true. It cannot be true.

She burst through the doors of the lab, not bothering to grab a breathing regulator. Norm, startled, looked at her with worried eyes.

“Venus, what the…” he must have noticed her wild eyes, how her breath was ragged, how her chest heaved with stress.

“I need to see the locked file.”

Norm’s concerned expression hardened into solid authority at her words. Despite being in his human body, he had managed to figure out how to use body language against the Sully children.

“Absolutely not, kid. Not until your parents give permission.” She snarled. He jumped at that, flinching slightly before regaining his composure. “Hissing isn’t going to get you anywhere, Venus. It’s locked.”

She didn’t have time for this. She reached behind him into a drawer, grabbing a peice of crumbled paper tapped to the roof of the metal. She had known it was there for months, but she had been patient.

But now, she could practically feel the steps of her parents as they deduced where she was. She avoided Norm’s grasping hands and ducked into the secondary lab, shutting and bolting the door behind her.

Silence greeted her ears. Her chest felt a little tight as she walked forward to the computer beside Grace Augustine’s avatar body. She pressed a hand to the glass as she unfolded the paper and punched in Norm’s confidential password.

She found the file easily, the pounding of the scientist’s fists against the sealed door forming a mantra of ‘hurry up, hurry up, hurry up’ in her mind.

The video opened as she typed in the password to the entry page that loaded up when she clicked the link.

‘Br3ath0£>Enu$’

Grace Augustine sat at the desk before the camera, leaning to the side and speaking firmly.

“You have to hold her gently, Wainfleet, or she’ll squirm out and of your arms and onto the floor.”

“I’m trying my best, Doc, but she’s like a goddamn blue worm.”

The marine came into view, sliding comically on a rolling chair behind Augustine. A small blue hand the size of his nose reached up and patted his bald head.

“Every time, kid? You gotta pat it every time?”

Venus chuckled, even as her gut churned with anxiety and terror.

Augustine turned to look at the monitor, staring into her eyes.

“Hello, Venus. I know you have questions, and i’m here to answer them.”

Wainfleet stood up with baby Venus and walked out of the room.

“Your parents…do not know you are here. Alive, I mean. They decided that it was better that you not grow up in this dreary mess of hell that we call home, so they had you removed before you were even you. Some scientists decided to play god and make you anyway. But i’m sure you know about that part. What this log is about it who your parents are.”

Venus held her breathe, hoping, praying for her to say a nobody, some random man and woman who just happened to become pregnant.

Grace grimaced with her.

“Your mothers name is Paz Socorro. She’s a funny woman and a pilot. She’s got a ferocious little heart. And your father…”

Please, Eywa, have mercy.

“is Colonel Miles Quaritch.”

She hit the power button to the computer and slumped to the floor.

This couldn’t be happening.

He couldn’t be her father.

The man that every Omatikaya child knew. The monster than haunted their bedtime stories. The demon that her mother had killed with two arrows.

Was the man that made her.

It was at that moment that she began to truly regret not grabbing a breathing regulator. She was panicking, her heart rate fast as she ran through each and every memory.

Her mother looking at her quizzically one night. The way that her parents glanced at each other when Lo’ak and Neteyam made jokes about her unknown parents. The way that Jake’s eyes sometimes narrowed at her when her face contorted in anger.

“Baby Girl, i need you to open the door.”

Came the soft voice of her father from the other room. She chocked on a sob as her brain stuttered.

Toruk Makto is not my father. I’m not worthy of that.

She wheezed, and she heard a soft knock.

“Please, baby, you gotta let us in.”

She crawled to the door, thinking she would topple if she stood.

She slid the bolt to the unlocked position.

And there they were, her parents. They looked down at her with worried eyes, trying to gage what she knew.

She swallowed, debating what to say.

She settled for “Do I look like him?”

They descended on her with every ounce of love they could give, pressing her between their bodies as she sobbed. Neytiri pressed a regulator to her nose and she inhaled, chocking through tears.

They pressed kisses to her face and hands, whispering “it’s alright”, “let it out”, “just breathe”.

When her sobs ceased and her tears dried up, she nuzzled into her fathers chest as they explained. As they assured her that his shadow did not fall on her. That his sins did not land on her shoulders.

She slept between them for the first time in a year, and they cradled her as if she wasn’t already more than half their size.

When she woke, she told her father that she was ready to tame an ikran.

She avoided her reflection. She never got an answer on whether she and him looked alike.

She excelled in her training, learning and practicing faster and harder than any other child.

She had always grown up with Jake’s shadow, rising up to meet his greatness. But now, she had a dangerous figure behind her to never become.

And for a time, after she completed her Iknimaya and became a taronyu, she was happy. Because she was safe and loved, and nothing like him.

No, that man was gone, decomposed in a forgotten amp suit at the Old Shack. Forgotten by the animals and plants that took energy from his body.

He was dead.

Right?

so let’s talk tarsem and venus (because other things will be discussed later.) this is basically bonus facts.

i headcannon tarsem to be an orphan of war. i imagine him to be about twenty-five when he takes on jake’s position, so that makes him eighteen in this chapter.

he meets venus officially when he’s sixteen and she’s nine. she followed him around because she wanted to train with him, and he kind of just lets her.

this fosters into a kind of sister-brother relationship. NO, THIS IS NOT ROMANCE. ABSOLUTELY NOT. THERE IS SEVEN YEARS BETWEEN THEM.

tarsem just thinks venus is a funny little kid who’s a ridiculously good archer.

and she thinks he’s really quiet but really nice.

one time jake jokingly said that he should see if tarsem wanted to court venus when she was seventeen and war had broke out.

she sucker punched him in the gut. she didn’t mean to do it so hard, but she didn’t exactly apologize.

tarsem just calls venus’s bluff on a lot of things, because he sees her very clearly. and btw, venus would have approved of the choice of tarsem if she knew of it.

taglist:

@lisedanie @xstarsmvxz @avatar4eva

#breath of venus #venus sully #—botticelli blues ⋆｡˚ #avatar the way of water #avatar #recombinant #recom lyle wainfleet #avatar x oc #oc #recom mansk #recom quaritch #the way of water #jake sully #miles quaritch #avatar quaritch #tarsem avatar #tarsem is the best #jam cam give him more screen time please

[nightmarearian]

helloo i just stumbled acress your blog and if you dont mind id like to ask-

FELLOW GENSHIN LORE FAN????

if yes then what are your thoughts on the next dain archon quest-

feel free to ignore/not answer btw, no pressure ^^

FUKC YEAH LOORREEE

I’m more into Khaenri’ah/Abyss lore, than anything else tho, if i’mma be honest lol.

I’m absolutely interested in lore and stories and general though to be honest I think my attention span and sleep deprivation doesn’t allow me to make up anything to big from scratch

Σ(-᷅_-᷄๑)

But I’d love to bounce of others if it weren’t for my social anxiety so please I’d be absolutely interested in anything with this

I’m really late to answering this shit to where people have already posted the cutscenes of Caribert onto yt, which I watched because impulse control is a myth and I’m quest locked so-

If you haven’t seen it yet then by all means ignore the rest of my rambling;

So Kaeya is specifically the descendant of the founder of the Abyss Order, Chlothar Alberich. Kae outwardly says he has no idea of the origin, with how openly he handles his last name, but he also says it ties up some questions he’s had.

Of course, quote Diluc, “you can only trust half of what he says at best,” so of course taking that with a grain of salt:

At ‘worst’ that means Kae always fuckin knew/This is just the final confirmation about it, and he knows a lot more about the Abyss Order. (Also funfact: one of his first, base lines, like the ones you have access to w/ friendship lvl 1, have something asking “Is the Abyss Order bothering you?” Not to mention there’s an anecdote on “You’re scars of the dark? That’s… interesting.” Oh, and that first archon quest in the domains and stuff; Where Kaeya recognizes hilichurl aren’t this smart and looks like he’s about to talk with a Abyss Mage before adult barges in. And the. “Let’s just say I was blessed with certain… linguistic powers.” Shit, foreshadowing goes deep.)

At best: He had just a bit of knowledge about it, and confirmation opens a lot up for him.

I do doubt he’d actually turn to the Abyss Order, cause Hoyo making him essentially a villain/major (enough) antag would be… uh, unlikely to say the least. I can see some spying on the Abyss Order and double crossing them though, that fits with Kae.

And at the same time, Caribert is apparently Chlothar’s son, right? He’s obviously affected by the curse, being the hilichurl. And so if we’re going with the “Kaeya is from straight up alive Khaenri’ah, not just the ruins” that either means through shenanigans Caribert turned into Kae or Kae has a sibling.

However, Kaeya is called a descendant of Chlothar, so that’s a separation of time; But then that also brings up the question of how Kaeya knows of Khaenri’ah? His Story says things/describes Khaenri’ah in things in general that paints it as if he actually lived there.

Did he live in ruins? Then I doubt he’d have as much knowledge about Khaenri’ah as he could very well likely have (and not tell us, obviously, the little liar [affectionate]). Not to mention the paper he stole when his father showed him about “what being an Alberich” is about and stuff; embers blah blah; that doesn’t sound like ruins…? Ugh. He has a stupid amount of 4-pointed stars on his design too; There is no way he doesn’t know at least a good amount about Khaenri’ah.

Following the Caribert -> Kaeya thing;

Chlothar did fuck around with the Abyss sibling (I play Aether so I’m gonna say Lumine) to try and find a way to help Caribert with the curse and stuff. Hell, after we dig up the bodies when Dain wakes us up, Dain questions if Chlothar found a way to stop the curse or something. So perhaps Chlothar did “cure” (to some level, otherwise they wouldn’t need to do the Loom of Fate shit) of some sorts that returned Caribert?

And then due to Abyssal time shenanigans (it’s already proven to fuck with time, look at Ajax/Childe) memories got fucked and Chlothar decided it’d be best to leave Kaeya in Mond, whether as a spy or for a better life? Kaeya does still have that eyes patch, after all. And it’s not implausible that there was a name change for ambiguity.

But at the same time, a ‘cure’ for the curse would be questionable - why hasn’t it been mass produced/practiced by now then? - not to mention I don’t think Kaeya would only get away from all that with just an eyepatch covering his face. And again, Kaeya was described as a “descendant” of Chlothar, and it’s referred to as an “ancestor/ancestry” specifically, so for the time thing it’s unlikely.

Not to mention, Chlothar also has a bigger star, closer to Dain than Kaeya’s. As Kae put it “pure-blood Khaenri’ahn”.

So yeah, Kaeya is probably just more of a descendant, if his appearance contradicting the description of a Khaenri’ahn has to say anything (“Light hair, fair skin, star-pupil” Kae is one of the 3 playable characters that has a darker skin tone, he has dark blue hair, and his star pupil is small than compared to Dain or Halfdan. …Though Chlothar has black hair. Huh).

But bring up the fact that he describes Khaenri’ah like he’s lived there and the. That brings up and entire other question/argument. Then what was Kaeya’s father, Chlothar or not, doing? Was he part of the Abyss Order? Or was it just something purely Khaenri’ahn? How is he not affected by the curse; was it the fact that he’s only part Khaenri’ahn?

So much questions so little information. This is the reason I love and hate lore aaaaaaa-

Okokok

Caribert & Kae are siblings? - Again the “descendant” and “ancestry” thing, and he is suspiciously absent if they are siblings. (Huh, the abyss/Khaenri’ah is having the small theme of siblings/siblings in arms. Aether & Lumine; Dain & Halfdan as brothers in arms; hell, in the more abyss based - Childe, you know with Teucer and shit, and then Kaeya, with Caribert or Diluc.

Of course I’m in love with the head cannon that Kae is from when Khaenri’ah was actually alive lmao :,)

And that’s only Kaeya, granted he is my favorite.

Now, the travelers. (Again, Aether as traveler, Lumi as Abyssal sibling)

Right. So we see Lumine’s memories of her time traveling with Dain, in which she meets Chlothar Alberich, who she sorta-helps with his son, Caribert. Then, once she wakes up, Chlothar goes on for a bit about the abyss being the answer to the curse or something, etc.

Assumedly, this would be where Chlothar founded the Abyss Order? At least, this is the main inviting event that leads to the Abyss Order.

I think, if I’ve read this correctly, Lumine is still traveling with Dain, so it’s not like she actively helps and joins with Chlothar. If what we say as the traveler in Lumine’s memories actually did happen, she probably joins the Abyss later; Alberich, maybe partly the fact that she’s princess of Khaenri’ah and was also incredibly helpful to the creation of the abyss order, gives her the title of Princess in the Abyss Order.

Did something happen during the travel that caused her to join the Order? Or was it just the fact of mulling it over for fuck knows how long and then splitting with Dain that got her to join?

Also, if the Alberich clan took over after the fall of King Irmin, then how do Lumine and Aether go into this? Are the the kids of King Irmin? We’re they too young to rule or something; then how was Lumine old enough to see the fall of Khaenri’ah? By then wouldn’t there be enough time for at least one for the sibling to rule? Then how come there’s no mention of it?

Hell there’s even the question of just how Aether could share memories with Lumine. Technically, nothing happened there that would indicate that there’s be like.. something to fuck around with for memories. By all means it’s just a place. Did another event happen here? Was the curse from Caribert just that strong/not as specific? Am I just looking a bit too into this part because let’s be honest they probably just need to drop this lore somehow?

Also, when Chlothar is talking to Caribert on the ledge, he says something along the lines of “remember this is a new place”

Essentially: This is new from what we know, it weird. (Come back here, please)

That either means something was fucky with Sumeru making it fantastical or they just left Khaenri’ah, which is more likely.

Then how long has Dain & Lumine been travling? The ruins of Khaenri’ah are said to be underground around Sumeru, curtesy of Kaeya*.

(*Wait, for the small story Kaeya tells, he say he want to go to Sumeru to learn more of his origins - again, grain of salt for the pathological liar - but that overall implies that he’s never been to the ruins of Khaenri’ah. Of course he could just be lying and as a child he just want to go home, even if said home we’re ruins, but still.)

How recent was the destruction of Khaenri’ah, then? Cause Dain & Lumine are both treating it as if it’s been long - Chlothar says something like “your alias” which implies that Lumine has been using the name “Traveler” during her travels with Dain long enough for it to just become.. well, her deficit alias.

And if Lumine was the Princess of Khaenri’ah, why would she give Chlothar an alias? He clearly has big fuckin stars for his pupils; If the destruction of Khaenri’ah was that recent, why would she be so guarded? Was Alberich suspicious during the reign of Khaenri’ah? But the Alberich clan took over in Irmin’s stead, meaning they were trustworthy and powerful enough to keep an entire kingdom together.

Just how long as is then since Khaenri’ah’s destruction, then? If it’s been long enough to where being weary of another Khaenri’ah is just “expected”, then there’s no reason for Chlothar to remind Caribert about our go Khaenri’ah.

If it hasn’t been to long, then why has Lumine not revealed herself, relieved at the survival and… not-hilichurl-indication of her people? And why do Dain & Lumine treat/talk about their travel, even just in Sumeru, as if it had went on for an long time?

Aaaaaaa-

I’d continue but’s it’s 2 am on a school night (morning) and I have an “out-of-sight, out-of-mind” brain so just. Take this. GN and thanks for asking! :D

#this has been mainly Kaeya huh #ah well #I also want more lore on Skirk and abyss!Childe #but I mean self indulgence lol #genshin impact #kaeya alberich #kaeya #lumine #Aether #traveler genshin impact #lore #Caribert archon quest #Caribert #Chlothar Alberich #lore speculation #theories #Genshin spoilers #spoilers #whoop whoop #goodnight #<3 #lmao #not beta read #we die like the light in Childe’s eyes

[yes-i-have-thoughts]

Norman Polk, Niko and Seraphine for the ask blog thing? 👀

Maybe? Perhaps? Please?

LACKAKITTIES

Holy SHIT I need to read that webcomic again. Anyway

(CW for mentions of a g/n, also has a h/c for Mordecai that I don't talk about often)

Norman Polk

1: Bidemi (biromantic demisexual)

2: Susie. Yeah, I said it

3: Sammy. Or Sammy and Jack. Musicboys that bitch together stay together #truefriendship

4: Not a lot of others. Not that I don't like anybody, I just don't really see him being compatible with anyone personally.

5: He knows everything about everyone because people in the music department don't know how to shut up, Wally has no off button and the younger artists find it easy to let their guard down around him when they're comfortable with him (also Joey catches up with him from time to time. Who knows why, maybe he likes this creepy projectionist)

6: "I sees everything". My friends and I quote it pretty often.

7: I do not. I'd like to, but Norman is smarter and stealthier than I am. ;v;

8: Less embarrassment, more sadness: but he died more or less because he got too curious. Man didn't know when to quit and it cost him. Poor bastard.

9: Neither. Norman is not a cinnamon roll but at the same time try calling him problematic and see how well that ends

Niko

1: Either homosexual or bisexual.

2: No

3: Seraphine and Mordecai, though one is more willing to be in this role than the other.

4: Ship him with his sister and he breaks your spine.

5: He has no limit to energy and used to throw down with just about every cat he ran into during the night in his youth. Since he's grown up a little, he's less likely to fight anyone and everyone; though he does want to see how well Mordecai holds his own in melee fighting if he can take (and keep) down a full-grown tom easily two times his size. (Granted, it was with the help of an Achille's Heel, but he still managed it. He's a slippery guy. Must be fun to fight!)

6: I remember absolutely none of his lines.

7: I don't. Not really, anyway

8: N/A

9: Cinnamon bun. I said what I said.

Seraphine

1: Aromantic Lesbian

2: ...You know what, Lacie. Tie her up with straight-edge Lacie. Count how long it takes for her to crack the girl and let her go wild every so often

3: Niko and Mordecai. So much so that whenever Mordecai shows an inkling of interest in the scruffy barcat at Gracie's she goes all out to get them together but it's in all the wrong ways and she just scares the Hell out of him

4: Put her with her brother on pain of death.

5: She's wild, but she does kind of care about more than just her brother in her own way. She respects Mordecai and views him as equal to her-even starts viewing him as a friend at some point.

6: "Ah! You poor babes." I just-listen. LISTEN. I AM VERY BI

7: Bloodthirsty...Though my "blood" is more of the fictional kind. I can be sadistic but I can assure you I am not this bad

8: Let's just say I did not like her second scene with Mordecai and leave it at that

9: She's the problematic fave to her brother's cinnamon roll. They will both draw blood at a moment's notice, but when push comes to shove I am very sure that she would shoot first and ask questions later

(Ask Game)

#Ask Game #Voices Come From the Static #Lackadaisy #Norman Polk #El Speaks

[narrie]

If you need a laugh ok magazine wrote an article yesterday slamming harry and olivia for the lack of proper masks yesterday. They didn't hold back at all.

rip did they delete? 

#the ok mag article about jason sudeikeis' friends thinking the wedding pics are pr tho #did they take quotes straight from my blog perhaps #ask

[ingravinoveritas]

I am so disgusted with all the people on twitter sharing memes about Michael kissing David. And one even sent something to Georgia! But you get hateful anons and people being mean tto you. Fucking twitter.

I...oof. Thank you, Anon. Yesterday was honestly kind of a hot mess in the fandom, particularly on Twitter.

I feel like everything and everyone went a bit over the top because of the pictures that were posted on set. I saw the memes that you mentioned, and definitely found it amusing, but also alarming that this was all exploding so suddenly. In some ways, I think this was almost a response to the fact that everything around these discussions is framed in black and white--i.e., ”Michael and David are in ‘straight’ relationships, if you ship Michael and David it’s bad and awful and don’t ever talk about it”--and turns it into this massive overreaction when it suddenly is “okay” to talk about it. And it’s because people don’t have an outlet to talk about these things without fear of judgment or attack that we ultimately end up losing any nuance in these discussions.

So I’m certainly not mad at people making memes about Michael kissing David, or wanting to be able to freely discuss it. But I think what frustrates me a little is that all of this came out of nothing happening at all, whereas everything I have written on my blog is based on things that actually have happened and things Michael and David have said. Speculation is all well and good, but I make it a point to emphasize that there are interviews and pictures and quotes to back up the things I write about.

In contrast, the fandom on Twitter yesterday lost its collective mind because of pictures of Michael walking around the set looking happy and glowy and smug AF...which, again, I very much do get, but perhaps people wouldn’t have gone so crazy if there had been previous discussions about how Michael has looked happy/glowy/smug around David for the past three years, and how it fits into the larger framework of their friendship/relationship and so on. That kind of balanced discussion could’ve tempered things a bit and prevented people from taking it too far, which is unfortunately what did happen.

Tagging Georgia (why?). Tagging Neil, for crying out loud, which was just not at all kosher. I hate that he even had to say what he did because someone tagged him on a post that wasn’t even theirs. But this is why I make it a specific point to not tag the creators or actors in such things or show them any of my fan works (fanfic, in my case). It’s not for them--it’s for me and for fellow fans who I hope would be interested in and enjoy it. (Also, we know Georgia actively searches David’s name on Twitter, so that makes tagging her entirely superfluous, because she will unquestionably end up seeing this stuff on her own.)

What also ends up happening is what I see happening on Twitter right now, which is the backlash in response to everything. It’s not even a full day later, and I’ve already seen some fans revert to the “Michael and David are very straight men in healthy relationships” rhetoric, and once again calling the idea of shipping them “disgusting”--which is a word I have personally come to abhor, because to paraphrase @thereallovebug, there has been speculation about RL male/female couples in magazines and on fan sites forever, but none of them have ever used the word “disgusting.” It’s ridiculous to me to say that a relationship is healthy without any verifiable proof just because it’s straight, just as it would be to say that another relationship is unhealthy just because it’s not straight.

(But that’s a whole other more complex discussion for another time, and I do have an Anon in my inbox that speaks to this and more, so I will save the rest of my commentary for that.)

So, yeah...I am just frustrated at how this is going to put those of us who do ship Michael and David back at square one, as being characterized as crazy people who flip out and have no sense of boundaries or fandom etiquette, etc. etc., when that is very much not the case for the vast majority of us. My blog is still a safe place for people to discuss this stuff, though, so I hope folks will not feel too burned or unsettled by everything that’s happened over the past few days.

Sending love to all of my followers out there who have been so supportive (including you, Anon). Thanks for writing in! x  

#anonymous #reply post #michael sheen #welsh seduction machine #david tennant #soft scottish hipster gigolo #good omens 2 #fandom woes #trying to provide a balanced perspective #but also v. tired of fighting the same battles over and over again #extremes on either end are just not good #let men be in love 2k22 #i'm sorry but if this was a man and a woman there is no earthly way their relationship would be described as 'platonic' #ineffable lovers #discourse #gif by me

[dropsofletters]

enter for yes, delete for no [wkh]

—summary: “social science is easy. watch me get an ‘a’ on this class”, said wong kunhang, two weeks before failing his first social science test…and horribly.

in light of his new college class making him feel dumber than he really is, and trying to make it through one of his worst economical states ever by balancing three jobs at the same time, kunhang almost loses it when the professor announces that they have to work in trios and make a social science project that is worth 60% of his grade.

great.

now, he’s fucked.

with yukhei by his side, whose eyes divert from the book to scan the library and search for his next love affair, and dejun, who never wanted to be part of his major to start with, he’s left alone with the weight of getting a good grade…

until yukhei’s almost-always silent roommate gives him the idea of the century: a blog. an anonymous blog where he can solve people’s issues. he can do that!

only when he starts to receive submissions from a certain woman does he realize how wrong he was.

—title: enter for yes, delete for no —pairing: wong kunhang x reader —genre: college!au ; strangers to friends to lovers!au ; secret admirer!au ; roommate!au ; unrequited love-ish!au ; slowburn —type: fluff ; angst ; drama ; humor ; suggestive ; crack-ish —word count: around 19k words.

Kunhang thought that when getting into the political sciences major, he would only have to follow through with what he learned in the debate club back in high school. Tight smile, straight shoulders and a good ear for picking up on what people say.

The pamphlet that he read when opting for the college to attend to had never said that he had to have an entire class dedicated to social science. Knowing people, as human beings, individuals that feel and think, sometimes not as rationally as they should, shouldn’t be considered science. Chromosomes and genes? Sure, that’s science. Whatever the hell veterinarians study about dogs and cats? That’s science, too. Experiments based on how people react in social environments?

It’s dumb.

So dumb that Kunhang pushed the fabric of his gray hoodie on his black hair when leaning back on his seat when he attended the first class of social science in his sophomore year of college. The professor, Mr. Sam, sported his tidy and a little-too-small olive-green suit when he spoke to the class and Kunhang turned to look at Yukhei’s horrified expression with a smile on his face.

“Social science is easy,” He started, leaning forward on his seat before tapping his pencil against the wood of his desk. Yukhei scoffed at his words, a beam of his own taking place on his face because Kunhang has his moments of being too overconfident, and that coming from Wong Yukhei? It was grand. “Watch me get an ‘A’ on this class.”

Dejun sighed from his spot, the long and brown strands of his hair moving with the warm air that left his lips as he continued to scribble down some notes with as much furiousness as he could muster. “It’s not as easy.”

Humming, the tallest agreed. “I can finally say Dejun is right about something.”

The glare that Dejun threw to his friends was worthy of a picture, but Kunhang was the worst of them all, crossing his arms behind his back as he stared at the PowerPoint presentation with little to no interest.

“What’s so difficult about science that is based on people just talking to each other? I’ll get an A. Without studying, even.”

No one told him then, when he had spent most of his time studying for other classes and working his three jobs, that social science with Mr. Sam was a nightmare. Even a demon seen through sleep paralysis could be less scary that the beam the professor wore the day he decided to publish the grades of the first test of the class, delivering the pieces of paper one by one on top of his student’s desks.

Kunhang’s soft fingertips touch the surface of his test, turning it around and expecting to see—at the very least—a ninety-eight out of a hundred. Though, his chestnut eyes widen fractions that couldn’t even be measured when he sees his real grade.

“I had a laugh, Mr. Wong, dare I admit.” Mr. Sam says from his position next to him, fixing the rounded glasses that rest on the crooked base of his nose. The chuckle that leaves his lips annoys Kunhang to bits, taking in a breath. He can’t finish this class if he kills the professor, right? “One would think with how much you talk; you’d know more about social sciences…but that’s all you are, aren’t you?” The class falls silent, the student munching on his bottom lip to muffle the curses that threaten to leave his lips. “All talk won’t work for my class. Do better.”

With that, he hears a few muffled whispers and laughs around the class. Excellence was nitpicked in this exam, tainting his ego even further when he looks over his shoulder to see Yukhei’s grade.

“You got a seventy-two?!” Kunhang exclaims in a whisper, taking Yukhei’s test in between his hands.

Yukhei runs his fingers through his recently bleached blonde locks before shrugging. “I kind of had a date last weekend and she had passed this class. I was in her dorm and she repaid me with her notes from last semester.” The smugness in his voice has Dejun rolling his sharp eyes.

“Repay you for what, exactly?” Dejun questions, voice piercing, but Kunhang is not even half interested in the argument ensuing, mind roaming the sceneries of insecurity, jealousy, hatred…perhaps at himself or at this ridiculing teacher.

“I’m not allowed to say.” Yukhei replies, leaning on his desk towards Dejun, making sure to wink at him. “But I’m allowed to show you, if you’d like, bro.”

“Gross.”

Kunhang cuts through the conversation easily enough, not quite catching up with the bantering ways that surround the friend group. “How much did you get, Dejun?”

With that, the man whose drained ways have started to show on his deep eye-bags and the amount of time he spends studying, finally smiles. “I got a 99.”

And Kunhang got a 24. Fucking great.

In the scale of dumbasses, he’s right at the bottom. Even under the guys who copy and paste Google quotes on their social medias and get offended when someone calls them out because that quote is definitely not theirs, as they pride themselves in.

“No fucking way!” Kunhang lets out, his hand grasping Dejun’s test before he feels Yukhei’s breath ghosting over his shoulder.

“Who the fuck is Oaix Nujed?” The question almost seems to hold the answer to life in the way Yukhei spits it out, but it’s easy to catch up on what Yukhei didn’t understand at the time.

Kunhang turns the test around, Dejun’s alter-ego (eh-hem, Oaix Nujed) long forgotten and replaced for his real name. And his grade that stands in sixty-six.

“Shit,” Yukhei curses just as Dejun’s face pales, his thick eyebrows furrowed when he takes the test in between his hands. “I got the best grade out of all of us?!”

This can’t be.

N0. No. No.

Kunhang is certain he answered everything with a bit of logic. He read some here and there, that should be enough to pass a test. He’s sure Yukhei couldn’t do magic tricks with the notes his latest love affair gave him—

Mr. Sam stands in front of the class, his salt and pepper hair pushed to the front of his bald head to hide what is utterly obvious. He purses his lips when he fixes his jacket and speaks to the class. “The test was horrid. I even started to wonder how you made it to your sophomore year.” Well, Kunhang knows the answer. Hard work, paying taxes when it’s due, and with a lot of frustration. Example one, this moment. “So, to help you out, I’m going to reduce the percentage of value of the tests. I want you to familiarize yourself with the importance of social science, much more in the major you find yourselves in.” He breathes out, sitting at the edge of his desk. “I want a project. A social science project. Show me how people react when having relationships with other—friendships, enemies, whatever it is that interests you. With a basement of a hypothesis already done, of course. I don’t want anything from Freud because…it’s too simple. I need you to perfect it as if it was your thesis and I want it for the end of the class. Three months from now, that is.”

Okay, so he has a chance. He just has to think of a project that is not based on Freud and that shows the importance of society and their unions. If people went through this class and they didn’t die in the process, he could do it.

Right?

“I want it to be in trios and for you to show three different perspectives. You apply the same experiment but you have different thoughts about it. Conclusions, let’s call it.”

One of the girls in the class, with vibrant red hair and a black turtleneck, raises her hand in the air. “What if our conclusions are the same?”

“They can’t be.” Mr. Sam shrugs. “It’s social science. We don’t all enjoy the same relationships or friendships in one way or with just one group of people. Let’s say, if I see one word that is similar, I won’t even read the project. It’ll be a zero.”

Dejun clears his throat when he asks for the professor’s attention. “Will we be picking our groups or will you—?”

Mr. Sam interrupts him before he could continue, typical of him. His intelligence dares barricade his humongous ego. “I’ll let you guys work with whoever you want,” He fixes his folders and places them inside his backpack before chuckling softly. “I’m assuming Dummy, Dumb and Dumber are going to work together. Is that what this is all about?”

His nostrils expand the slightest when he presses his lips in a tight line. His mother has taught him how to respect elders, but if Mr. Sam just casually slipped and went down the flight of stairs in their building, with a car coincidentally passing over his face and killing him in the process…it may just not make him sad.

Yukhei whispers in the slightest deep vibrato. “Well, that’s new. Now, I’m Dummy. Normally, Dejun is—”

“I’m not Dummy, Dumb or Dumber.” Dejun shakes his head, on the verge of snapping at Yukhei. Well, he already did. “This man is just crazy.”

Kunhang nods at his words. “We agree on something, pal.”

“You know what? Yes. He’s a bit crazy.” Yukhei admits, placing his hand on top of Kunhang’s desk, the separation between Dejun and himself. “But I know a lot of people who had this class with him. From our major and other majors. It’s going to be fine. I still have those girl’s notes and my roommate is extra good at this kind of thing. She’ll help us out.”

Ambition fills his lungs when he hums along to Yukhei’s words. “I think Kun can help us, too.” Remembering the guy he works with, recently graduated, he taps his fingers against the desk. “We’re not going to let this man grade us that badly again. I don’t care how we’re doing it, but we’re getting a hundred on that project and he’ll have to suck my dick if he doesn’t give me that grade.”

“Oh man,” Yukhei says, laughter following his statement. “Kunhang is, for real, angry. He never talks about getting his dick sucked and now he wants Mr. Sam to do it for him.” Clasping his hands in front of him, he chuckles when Kunhang slaps the back of his head. “Aw, that’s so cute. Celibate and all, you’re a cutie.”

“Democratic vote to kick Yukhei out of our group.” Kunhang states, raising his hand at the same time that Dejun does, only to have Yukhei’s smile dissipating.

Well, at least he has his friends while going through this hell, scalding him with disappointment.

“You’re just jealous I’m Dummy.”

###

Four in the morning and Kunhang is already slipping into a cold shower. By six, he’s already out of the door and towards his first job of the day. With an apron wrapped around his waist, he serves coffees to people who dare say they are sleep deprived, but his eyes almost feel like they glue together from his hard work.

He’s out of there by eleven, with his feet moving incessantly on his bicycle to get to his first set of classes. Schedule arranged to take up his college courses from twelve in the afternoon and four, he gets out of his classes with homework to fulfill and another job to take care of.

By five, he waters Mrs. Ling’s plants. Makes sure to sings a tune to them or talk in order to get extra points with the older woman, who smiles at him when he gets out of the door only thirty minutes later. Once again, Kunhang finds himself in his bicycle and he rushes over to the restaurant he works in from six to nine at night. That’s where Kun is a dishwasher, just like him, trying to meet ends before he finds his first real job.

Just when he’s out, he gets enough time to study and do homework. Surprise, surprise, it’s never enough. He’s dozing off by twelve, working through his projects with expertise before he repeats the cycle again. Four hours of sleep, three jobs, classes, tests, sophomore year and a social life, if it’s after nine at night.

Three months is not enough time for him to think about a project, let alone work on it. Dejun has a job of his own—though, he takes care of children on his free time—and he’s as studious as he can get, but Kunhang just can’t play the asshole card and let all responsibilities fall on his shoulders. The thought makes him rub on the dishes with more force, his uniform splashed by droplets of water.

Yukhei could think about it—he’s got enough wit to do something, but he’s not as good in redacting something. His big eyes can stare into a Word document and not think about anything for hours. He could be in charge of tracking, excel sheets and graphics, but writing is just a big no.

If Dejun hasn’t had an idea in two weeks, as he said earlier when he saw him in class, he’s sure Yukhei doesn’t either.

And he sure as hell hasn’t had any time to think about it either.

With a pleading tone and jazz music in the background, his thin lips wrap around every edge of his words, his black hair falling across his slim face while he expresses his worries to Kun. Said man is more relaxed, not thinking about studying anymore but with a permanent frown when being denied the opportunity of trying by the real world. His degree dusts itself off in his apartment while he waits for a chance.

“I need you to give me an idea so I can develop it.”

Responsible lines of upright nature join and thread to make Kun’s shell. He raises one eyebrow, shaking his head when he chuckles softly. “No.”

Think of the pain of stepping on four Lego pieces at the same time. Yeah, that wouldn’t even compare to what Kunhang feels right at this moment. “Dude, don’t be an ass. I really have no idea what to do and my tests are going horribly—”

Kun sighs deeply, leaning his taut waist against the edge of the counter near the dishwasher. “It’s s0cial sciences, Kunhang. If I help you out, there is nothing that you will learn. You need to learn the root of social archetypes and correlations to be able to get a nice grade, and you won’t do that if I just help you.”

Alright, so, maybe, Kunhang is physically and mentally drained. He manages to be good in other classes—studies in between the times he has free and gives up his social life on the slightest bit just to be able to meet ends, but failing a class is something he can’t give himself the benefit of. He’s tight on money, and his face won’t be tranquil enough to tell his mom that he failed.

“I’m just asking you to give me an idea for the project,” Kunhang tries to convince the older man. “You didn’t have a class with this asshole. He’s gone through four divorces, man. Not a single woman can stand his faulty, stupid ass and that’s factual.”

Blinking, even his coworker seems surprised. The truth is…Mr. Sam is entire textbook-based. If he sees a comma, he wants you to write that comma on the test. Logic aside, he wants investigations, hypothesis, an entire project written on your test without a single ounce of your train of thoughts. Or, if you mask it as such, it has to be quoted from someone else. It’s tiring.

Yukhei is a memory learner. If he repeats words for a long period of time, he will learn them, a bit out of order, but his mind is skillful enough for that. Maybe, that’s why he does so great in this class.

“I just…I don’t know, man. I want you to feel the gratitude of doing this on your own.” Kun spits out, only to have Kunhang scoffing.

“I just want to pass.” Swatting his hands to watch the droplets of water fall away from them, cold in the freezing kitchen, he sighs. “I don’t care about learning because that man leaves no room for learning. He thinks he’s it. He’s worthy of writing a hundred textbooks because he’s that smart.”

“I can give you some textbooks, but I really don’t have the time to sit down and think about an idea. Sorry.” He can’t blame him, but somehow, he does. His options are running short and Yukhei, the star of the class, still hasn’t had his grand idea. Kun’s plate—metaphorically speaking, the plates are clean in this restaurant—is filled with a little too much stress right at this moment, and Kunhang can’t just beg him to go back to the pressure that comes from college projects. “I’ll bring them to you tomorrow. I know how packed your schedule is.”

He has no fucking idea. His body giving up on him, his knuckles almost become white when he leans his weight forward and grasps the edge of the counter in between his hands. A tired breath accompanies his dizzy mind, migraine thumping at the back of his eyelids. At the verge of giving up, he bites down on his lip, nodding once and returning to his positive ways.

Yukhei’s roommate is his only option.

###

Truth be told, the only good thing about working three jobs and having an apartment of his own, is that the money is worth it. He doesn’t have to deal with someone’s noise, one-night stands and the horrid walks of shame, and he definitely doesn’t have to hear one of his best friends screaming at the top of his lungs as he plays videogames and completely ignores the assignment at hand.

Sure, ten at night is not exactly the perfect moment to work on a project, but it’s the only time Kunhang has had free and he studied ahead of this Friday night just to be able to be here, at Yukhei’s place. Yangyang, one of Yukhei’s roommates, is playing around with the blender at the kitchen, making God-knows-what for the past fifteen minutes, stopping his ministrations to try the concoction before going back to the awful noise again. In any other occasion, Kunhang would have played along, nodded along to the beat of Yangyang’s dubstep blending…

Yet, for the first time in twenty-one years, Kunhang can say one thing…

He’s more stressed than Dejun.

Dejun flips one page to continue reading his textbook, his hair done a mess and his lips forever closed as he stares between his notes and one of the books Kun lent them. Still, not an idea has ensued. Maybe, he can blame it on the fact that Dejun’s girlfriend had just called him and created a scene out of him not being with her on a Friday night, jealousy pouring from her every word and Dejun’s eyebrows forever petrified in a frown growing even deeper.

None of the trio are on it today.

“Shit, shit, shit,” Yukhei curses, moving his controller to one side as his big eyes concentrate on the screen. “Babe, could you help me over here? I’m about to get killed.”

Oh, so that’s why. Kunhang could almost chuckle at that moment, had it not been for his comfortable position on the couch next to Yukhei, with one leg resting on the armrest and his eyes trained on a textbook he doesn’t give two shits about. Yukhei has completely forgotten about social sciences girl and now he’s with a gamer girl. From the faint distance, he hears a light giggle and a sweet tone.

This is definitely going nowhere.

“Found anything, Dejun?” Kunhang asks, finally straightening his back to hear every bone crack into place. When is the last time he took a nap and rested his back properly? He’s not sure.

Absentmindedly, the man’s brown eyes claim Kunhang’s attention, barely even there when he hums. “Not really. Kun’s textbooks are fine, but I asked around the class to see what topics people have picked and they’re all written down here. We need to come up with something else.”

Great. Now they’re behind everyone. “Alright,” Growing tired of waiting, Kunhang stands up, throwing his oversized bomber jacket on top of his white t-shirt, paired with comfortable basketball shorts and sneakers. “Yukhei.”

No answer.

“Yukhei!” Kunhang says louder, though Yukhei is still very much playing around with his PlayStation. Patience running low, he takes the headphones away from Yukhei’s ears, putting them around his head before speaking. “Listen, I know he looks cute in his profile picture and that you may think he’s the biggest catch in the world, but I really need you to stop flirting with him for two seconds so I can have him put, at least, a grain of knowledge into this project we’re making. It’s not you, it’s not me, it’s Wong Yukhei and his dick that keeps slipping out of his pants. I’m sorry for interrupting.”

“Hey!” Never had he heard Yukhei’s low voice grow so high, pausing his game to stand up and place his hands on his hips. “Don’t talk to GameOn187 like that.”

“Oh, GameOn187 doesn’t mind the slightest bit.” Kunhang crosses his arms across his chest, laughing at Yukhei’s antics. Okay, he was angry one second ago, but seeing Yukhei be so serious about someone he doesn’t even know the name of is hilarious. “Where’s your roommate?”

With that, worry grows on the man’s face, grasping his phone in between his hands and frowning at the time. “She told me she was outside fifteen minutes ago. She must’ve come back from her date by now.”

His stomach churns, twists in worry when he takes Yukhei’s keys in between his fingers and speaks over the noise of the game and the blender. “I’m going to look for her.”

“Do you need me to go with you?” Yukhei could fall in love as easily as he grew in high school, but that doesn’t mean his care and attention doesn’t go to his best friend and roommate.

With the starry night, blinding street lights and the college students drinking around the building in this Friday night, he’s sure he won’t need accompaniment. “I’ll be fine. I—I just need to look for her, get her home and make sure she helps us out.”

That’s how the cold night bites at the skin of his calves, long hair sweeping away from his face to showcase his worried eyes. Yukhei’s roommate may not be his closest friend, but glimpses of her in high school come back to his brain. Sweet, shy, a bit soft. The change happened when she suddenly grew dull, strong, collected and silent by the time college came around. Never had they connected on a level deeper than a few conversations and their shared interest for Yukhei’s wellbeing.

But he knows that not appearing for fifteen minutes after instructing she was outside is not a good thing. He greets some of the English majors by the entrance, drinking from bottles of beer with electric cigarettes dangling from their lips, but that doesn’t take his attention away from the quickened movement of his legs as he screams out her name.

Heart racing, eyebrows scrunched and eyes set everywhere and anywhere, he’s midway through the entrance, almost towards the street when he sees her. Leaning against the brick walls of the apartment complex for students, her back bent as her date relishes on kissing her like a madman, hungry for more of her. His hands go up and down her back, opening and closing when he leans his abdomen forward and pushes her more into the wall.

With how into it the taller man with a slim waist and buff arms is, Kunhang almost wants to look away.

Though, then he sees her. Her lips are moving, softly, delicately, not quite catching up to what her date is doing, taking more of her as if she owes it to him. Thus, her eyes are opened, lifelessly staring at the man with confusion, as if trying to understand the situation she’s in. Her hands rest on his shoulders, halfway through pushing him away or tugging him closer. Confusion and tenderness bathes over her features, clearly giving him a sign that she may not understand but he does.

She’s not into the kiss.

So, he calls out her name, loud and clear, powerful enough to make the man kissing her pull away from her, a scaredy cat in the making. She rubs her mouth with the back of her hand, the saliva glistening against her lips almost making him laugh.

Well, that doesn’t seem like a good kiss.

“We were looking for you.” Kunhang says, voice tranquil, barely jutting his chin towards her date as a greeting before trailing her eyes over her worried expression. “Yukhei and I. Want to come home now?”

Her date opens his thick lips to say something, his hipster hairstyle—shaved by the sides, sleeked back by gel—touched by the wind when she presses a hand to his taut chest. “Sorry, Leo, I think you should go.”

The man looks at her with the gaze of a man who wants something more and maybe, he’ll beg for it just to get a taste of her. “Want to take me to my car, then?”

She looks into his eyes, doubting, staring at the car with little to no longing before shaking her head. “I have to study.” Her excuse is as clear as day, but Kunhang doubts the asshole by her side even notices her reactions. If he couldn’t tell she wasn’t into that horrible kiss, then he’s not perceptive at all. “Text me once you get home, alright?”

The buff man quirks an eyebrow towards Kunhang, moving backwards as he gets the keys of his expensive car out. “I don’t think I caught your name.”

“I didn’t tell you.” Kunhang answers, shrugging his shoulders when she moves to his side. For some reason, he can’t understand how someone as beautiful as her could go for the most simplistic man out there. Like everyone else in college, if not worse. And dumb, at that. “…It’s Kunhang.”

“Take care of my girl, will you?”

Scoffing, Kunhang chuckles soon after. “I think she can take care of herself perfectly well.” And he does, her change of character had only made her stronger, more reliable, though glimpses of that shy student he once knew in high school existed within her.

By the time the man’s car parked off and weaved through the streets in a rushed manner, Kunhang turns to look at her, resting his hand in between her shoulder blades to move her forward.

She walks alongside him, cladded in some beige shorts, a tight black shirt and a dark denim jacket. Unlike what she wears on most occasions, with boots tall enough to be killing her, but it’s a change of style. Glimmering beauty making him have a second take before smiling to himself.

“You weren’t into that kiss at all, were you?”

That question has her licking her bottom lip, the street lights casting down on her features before she shrugs. “Make outs should feel a bit disgusting, don’t they?” The question at the end lets him know about her insecurity, shoes dragging across the flooring. “I mean, it’s a mess of tongues against tongues and teeth and sucking and biting. That’s…meant to be gross at some point.”

Disagreeing completely, he shakes his head, resting his cold fingertips inside the pockets of his jacket before sighing. “Take a seat,” Upon seeing a set of stairs that leads to the entrance, the two of them sit on the concrete, eyes staring at the road ahead of them. Silent, until Kunhang speaks up again. “Kisses aren’t meant to feel gross. At all. If you are really into someone, it’s going to feel…sweet, you won’t even have to think about opening your eyes because you’re too entranced in the moment.”

Her cheekbones lift up when she smiles at him, resting her hand on her palm, elbow resting on her knees. “I didn’t open my eyes because of t—that…” Once again, she’s looking for excuses, blinking rapidly in the process. “I, shit, I can’t believe you saw me make out with someone.”

“Leo.” Kunhang corrects. “Why did Leo make you open your eyes, according to you?”

A sigh leaves her lips. “I guess I wanted to see how he looked like when he kissed me. I don’t know.” She replies, growing raged by her own answer. She drops her hands on her lap, looking down at them.

That’s not unusual. Some people just want to see how the other person looks like, but by the way they kissed each other with so much difference in approach, Kunhang could guess two things. It was one of their first kisses, first and foremost. And, none of them tried to meet at the middle; Leo asking for too much, while she asked for too little.

“Okay, okay!” Kunhang says, lifting his hands in the air. “Let’s say I believe you. What did you feel when you saw him kissing you?”

“Kunhang, really. It’s not that deep—”

“It is,” He finalizes for her. “I’ve known you for years and I’ve never seen you date anyone. Not once. You’re always so secretive about it. I know you’re not the kind to kiss where everyone can see you and you definitely are not the type to go for the most simplistic guy in the entire campus.”

That makes her laugh. “I didn’t meet him at the campus. I met him at my workplace.”

Oh, right. Yukhei always talks about his free yoga classes coupon that she gets him each month as a gift. She’s a receptionist at one of the gyms near the campus. “Fair enough, he’s a gym rat. I can see it. But what did Leo make you feel—?”

“I don’t know, he just looked weird!” Exasperated, she replies, a laugh leaving her after she says those words. “That should be normal. I’m sure it’s not impossible for me to be one of the few people who just don’t like kissing or think the person is cute but when they kiss them, they lose interest entirely. No one looks attractive while kissing someone.”

A thought crosses Kunhang’s head, a memory that he pushes to the back of his brain when his eyes claim each portion of her face with the drag of his pupils. “I think you’re wrong.” He whispers. “You’re always so uptight and proper, so difficult to approach, but you bend to a man’s will when you’re not even attracted to him.”

“He’s okay—”

“Okay is not enough for kissing someone.” Nudging her side with his elbow, he watches her lift her gaze, eyes connecting with her own when he sighs out of his words. “Listen, I know Yukhei should be the one to tell you this but he’s not the best of examples. Just because you’re young doesn’t mean that you have to do things just to do them. You get the benefit of feeling nice when you’re kissing someone, to want more, to not feel like lying to someone just to end a date. That’s not how attraction feels like.”

She shrugs, the night washing her down when she leans back on the stair and stares at the night sky. “What if I never feel like that for someone approachable?”

That takes the words out of his mouth for a second, turning to look at the stars as well. They twinkle, bright and clear, when he says: “I doubt you couldn’t get whoever you want.” He initiates. “Good legs and a nice smile? You’ll get any man you want.”

Deep is the laugh that leaves her lips, twirling her thumbs in between her fingers before whistling. “You’re really good at reading people, you know that?”

“Tell that to my social sciences teacher. I’m failing the class.”

A movement from her has their knees colliding, plastered to his side when she asks: “You’re failing Mr. Sam’s class?”

“He’s impossible.” He says, looking into her eyes and letting his smile fall at the memory of such class.

“Oh, tell that to his four ex-wives. He really is.” She conquers, but she swats her hand in the air soon after. “He’s all talk, though. I got a 98 in his class.”

“How?” Kunhang questions.

As if giving the elixir to a happy life, she quirks an eyebrow. “Just take what the textbooks say and apply it to our society. What you know best. In my case, I did a project about the repercussions of college on stressed students and what the root of societal norms do to craft impossible expectations, correlated to ‘all-or-nothing’ personalities and procrastinators.” The explanation of her project has his head thumping. Well, she is smart, he’ll give her that. Though not smart enough not to go out with a man like flavorless-ass Leo. “Dejun was one of my experiments and yes, his college life makes his very unhappy but that’s far away from the case—”

“What do you think I could do?” He expands his hand on top of his heart. “I truly have no idea.”

Her lips purse as she studies him, thinking for a moment before snapping her fingers together. “A blog.” She says. “Make an anonymous blog where you solve people’s issues, just like you did to me. Read people and tell them your opinion and see what’s the most common issue in selected age groups. For example, most 50-year-olds in your blog expressed issues with divorce and erectile disfunction while most 20-year-olds expressed parental issues and lack of knowledge on what their future holds for them.”

Denial almost slips from his lips, but the more he thinks about it, the more interested he is. Advice from Kunhang had been thrown around in between laughter, mostly shrugged off because he’s just some funny guy trying to take care of his friends, but then, it settles on him. He’s good at reading people, and his advice, while being anonymous, may be even better without the construction of walls of shame and dignity.

Taking her face in between his hands, he places a short peck to her forehead, standing up from the flight of stairs when he shouts out: “That’s brilliant!”

“Thanks.” She chuckles, slower in her movements when moving away from the staircase and next to him through the apartment complex.

“I’m going to tell Dejun so we can start working on the website today and Yukhei has a bunch of followers on Instagram. We can definitely find a proper following and get this going this week—”

Laughing, she adds: “See? Social sciences aren’t so bad after all.”

###

Demographics are insane. Five thousand Instagram followers from Yukhei plus the word spread around the campus in the past three days and now they have over one thousand messages to reply to. All in three motherfucking days.

The website had been coded by Dejun himself, simplistic, with the layout made for people to read the forum but to be unable to comment on what other people say or do. Against hate, of course. The only people who are able to talk are the administrations—Dejun, Yukhei and Kunhang, but even then, when he sees the inbox while standing in Dejun’s bedroom, he feels like throwing up.

“Wow,” Kunhang says, a smile taking over his features as he stands to Dejun’s right, Yukhei taking the spot on the left. “Well, we have to get to working.”

“How exactly are we going to get through over a thousand messages? And counting.” Yukhei says, watching another notification pop up from the corner of the website. “Listen, we can’t solve everyone’s issues…and leaving some outside would give us a bad reputation.”

Always the organizer, Dejun snaps a sheet of paper away from his agenda, clicking on his pen a few times, trying it out on the paper before sighing. “We’ll take turns and we’ll close the inbox by now. Each of us will personally respond to different messages, fifty at a time.” Jotting that down, he scribbles his friend’s names. “Yukhei will take the morning hours, considering that he’s free most mornings. I’ll take the afternoon time because I’m taking care of the kids by that time and Kunhang can take the night shift, respond to fifty messages himself.”

“That’s a lot of work.” Yukhei announces, but Kunhang chuckles.

“And a lot of data. This is a big project.” Kunhang finalizes. “How many days would it take us to get through all the messages?”

“We’d be responding to one hundred and fifty messages per day,” Lost in mathematics, Dejun clicks his pen one last time before hanging the piece of paper on the corner of his computer screen, glued by a bit of tape. “So, it would take us around a week, and that should be it.”

That just means they wouldn’t have to take in that much more data. One week worth of hard work and then, the only thing they would have to do is write down the project.

“Let’s do it, then.” Kunhang announces, looking down at his watch before clicking his tongue. “After I study for my final. See you guys!”

###

“Ugh, I can’t stand him. I really can’t.”

She stops wiping the main counter of the gym to watch Chaeryeong dabbing some sweat from the connection between her hairline and her forehead away with a towel. Her short black hair rests on her toned arms, her tattoo displayed on her left forearm, body cladded in her gym clothes. From the far distance, she sees Dejun rushing through his last set of push-ups before getting out the door, without even saying goodbye to his girlfriend.

Chaeryeong is a trainer here, though that’s not how he met her. They studied together during their first semester, before Chaeryeong decided that studying wasn’t her thing and dropped out completely. In between her family’s judgement and her growing relationship with Dejun, she decided to go that extra mile and start lifting weights. Buff arms and legs accompanied her, paired with her strong features and slim lips.

But what had once been the love story everyone envied now seems to be falling down. Stopping her ministrations, she leans forward on the counter to speak to her more privately. “He was just working out, Chaeryeong, he’s doing his best.”

“But he said he was going to be here two hours and thirty minutes later, he says he has to work on another project!” Chaeryeong whines, gulping down the rest of her water bottle before crushing the plastic in between her palms. Now, that’s anger. “He doesn’t even have time for me anymore and hear me out, girl, I was checking his Instagram the other night as I stayed over in his place and some bitch sent him a DM saying ‘you’re so hot’. I think the fuck not. I have all the right to be mad at him.”

Chaeryeong supports her friends much like she does her weights, but her personality goes from zero to infinity. It’s up to her to calm her friend down, hand extending to rest on top of her calloused hand. “Babe, Dejun loves you. He even gave you a promise ring and all. He’s just been really busy and that’s why he hasn’t been around as much as you want him to. After all, he’s in his sophomore year. We’re all busy around this time.”

Nodding, her friend continues her train of thought: “So, what about the girl?”

That topic is a little bit more difficult to treat, veins popping out of her neck the slightest out of the pressure building inside of her. A red jealousy monster at times…that she is. “He’s nice looking. Was she a senior?”

“Freshman.”

“Even worse,” She spits out, returning to her rubbing against the desk. “Freshmen are excited to finally be in college and they’re a little bit out there. Does he follow her?”

Chaeryeong shakes her head.

“Has he replied?”

Once again, the answer is no.

“Then, why are you worrying?”

“Because he didn’t tell me! I only saw the DM; he didn’t even want to tell me on the first place!” Chaeryeong marks her truth out with every elongation and punctuation of her words. “I appreciate your honesty, but if Dejun even dares cheating on me, I’m out. I’m not here for him to get angry at me when he has been the one who is distant and—”

From the corner of her eye, she sees a familiar figure entering the gym. A white t-shirt clings to every curve of his trained yet slim chest, pale skin plastered in some moles around his neck, thick lips curved into a smile, cheeks as tinted as the pink shorts he wears today. Zhang Leo, who had once asked her out while entering the gym two years ago, slim as ever, and had grown some muscle after a while, perseverant enough to get her out on a date.

Only a few seconds pass by when her knees duck and she’s hidden behind the desk, Chaeryeong stopping on her rambles when she mumbles: “W—What? What happened?”

“Leo is here.”

“Shit, let me cover you.”

Blame it on curiousness and a lonesome night that ended up with her saying yes not to one, but to three dates. Leo had persisted, ridiculously proud of going out with her but still, not daring to speak about himself but what he wanted to do with her instead. It was tiring, barely able to make her heart race past the initial fear of kissing him. Then, came blankness, exasperating dullness that she can’t get rid of, much like she can’t get rid of Leo.

The man moves towards the desk she hides behind of, expanding one hand on top of it as he speaks to Chaeryeong. The first thing he does is call out her name. “Where’s my girl?”

My girl, he says, even though she’s totally sure that’s a noun he uses for plenty of women. “Been throwing up like crazy since last night. She isn’t working today.”

Clinging closer to the desk, she sincerely hopes Leo doesn’t dare look to the left, because he could get a glimpse of her in this immaculate, big gray gym. “That’s weird.” Patting his hand against the desk, he adds: “Tell her to call me, okay? I’ll get tired of her if she keeps running away.”

Though, by the time he has left, she barely hears Chaeryeong’s voice mouthing out a small:

“Asshole.” She says. “Darling, you really don’t have to go out with an asshole like that, you know that? You definitely can get better.”

And that’s the set of words that cling to every corner of her mind for the rest of the evening. Even when she’s walking home after taking the bus, all she can think about is how romance is never fitted for her. Never had she felt love for someone, or the romantic kind, at least. Never had she been swept off her feet other than with a character on the screen. Never had she enjoyed a kiss as much as she did one time, and it wasn’t even a real kiss to begin with.

Her mind wonders—had love been created just to bring hope to people? Or was it misery that cladded the word and made it impossible to find these days? Had the people who had fallen in love in the past, hard and fast, with utmost sincerity, held onto the doubts that cover her every being?

If love was a word everyone understood, why was it so different for everyone?

If everyone was capable of loving, why was it difficult to find someone who loved her how she wanted to be loved?

Why couldn’t she love anyone, on the first place?

Speaking out those thoughts to her friends is the least she wants to do. None of them would find an answer—too entranced in their own issues. She can’t ask them to understand her, when she can’t do it herself. So, with a notification from Yukhei’s Instagram account from one day ago, her finger taps on his story, getting a few seconds to read the ‘swipe up’ message.

The Experience Club, get advice from people who have gone through it all!

Well, it’s worth a try. Besides, none of them would really know it’s her, after all.

Her fingers move with precision on the screen to write down the message on the big white box.

Dear ‘The Experience Club’,

I’ve never fallen in love with anyone and I feel pressured to do it thanks to my age. Though, all I’ve managed to meet are a bunch of dumbasses. I don’t know if it’s a me-issue, making me the type to attract assholes, or if it’s all them.

Should I feel ashamed of not having fallen in love? Or, even better, should I grow used to not feeling entirely attracted to someone because there is not such thing as a middle-half? I know people have flaws, I don’t expect someone to be perfect, but I thought, at least, my partner’s imperfections would suit me and be, somewhat, acceptable.

Maybe, I’m too impatient or selective, I’m not sure.

Please, help someone out.

Sincerely,

Loveless Anon.

###

“Mom, I promise, I’m fine.”

With his phone perched between his slim shoulder and his cheek, his fingertips continue to trail on the keyboard of his half-functioning laptop to finish the essay he should have finished a week ago. A plate of cold noodles settles on the side of his coffee table, back hunched beyond relief as he listens to the faint sound of a Post Malone song in the background.

Fine.

Spectacular.

Kunhang couldn’t be better.

But as he hears his mother shuffling around on the other end of the call, his ears become wary, trying to distinguish the almost imperceptible noise. “I’m sure you can do this and much more, Kunhang.” Dulcet as ever in her tone, she continues as Kunhang resumes his furious tapping. “See, baby, I’m moving your sisters’ degrees away to get that special spot for you in my living room. I want everyone to see my political scientist boy.”

His heart squeezes against his ribcage, stealing his breath away when his phone almost falls off his shoulder. Little does she know he’s halfway through failing a class for the first time, balancing three jobs and still, on the verge of paying another class with Mr. Sam. As if education wasn’t expensive enough.

“You didn’t have to—”

“You’re my boy, of course, I had to.” Stubborn, his mom continues. “You sound tired, Kunhang.”

“I already said I’m fine.” He grumbles, not meaning to sound as annoyed as he does. Truth be told—it’s the annoyance he has at himself. How fucking difficult is it to get over sixty on a test? He does fine on his other classes!

“Two jobs and studying are a lot of things, Kunhang. You used to be brighter.”

Sighing deeply, he puts the last word down on his essay, opening his Gmail and writing down some simplistic greeting before turning his work in. If only his mom knew about the third job…

“Just a bad day, mom.” Rubbing his eyes, he tries not to let his voice break. What about some bad months? Would it be too much to tell her the truth? “I have another project to work in, so I’m not sure if I’ll be able to call you until tomorrow night. If you’re up, that is.”

“I’ll stay up for you.”

A smile plasters on his features. There will never be a love as beautiful as the one that comes from a good mother. “You don’t have to…”

“I want to.” She says. “Unless you’re playing this victim card so your mom doesn’t call you.”

“I could never.” His fingers hover over the mouse before clicking on The Experience Club’s website, the white color almost making his irises burn.

“How’s Yukhei doing?”

Typical guy who earns a spot in moms’ hearts. “I think he’s out with someone right now,” In light of Yukhei’s usual personality. “I haven’t really texted him today, but he’s doing fine.”

A little bit more talking ensues in between his mother and himself until he hears her yawn, loud and clear, barely getting a few words out when she excuses herself to go to bed. Not like he could do such thing, he has fifty letters to go through that he has to answer as soon as possible.

Forty-seven letters later and he has three hours to sleep when he feels his body melting into the seat, eyelids closing before he opens them widely. That jolts him awake, clicking on another letter to read through it.

Loveless Anon.

As he reads through the passages of questions and insecurities, he becomes awfully aware of his own vision of love. One year ago, one would see him tagging along with Yukhei, earning the attention of one or two women, responding to texts and being on social media. Then, came his shortage in salary and he had to add another job to his list. Working at a café was far more difficult than people thought.

Each day, he saw people flirting, he saw relationships blossom, but never had he stopped once and thought love was for him. Sure, he knew one day would come that he’d fall for someone…but he didn’t know how it feels. Great, he has felt comfortable enough in the relationships he has been in, but they have never been the greatest, making him think about the future.

With his mouse hovering over his answer, he starts typing:

Dear Loveless Anon,

Welcome to the Club, first and foremost. Truth be told, this had me thinking for a bit. I think love is something we’re allowed to feel, but we’re not meant to go through it per say. We decide if we want to do it or not, so being selective is never a bad thing.

Do I think it’s humanly impossible for someone to never feel love? Maybe. I think you’re just looking in the wrong place—or, perhaps, that is where you go wrong. You’re looking, you’re not exactly waiting for it and taking your chances.

Here’s a question: Do you look for a shooting star or do you get surprised when it arrives and make a wish?

It’s a one in a lifetime thing. Most people haven’t seen a shooting star, but they have seen planes fly by or starts that twinkle in different lights…and that, in the night sky, looks similar. Not all of us are shooting stars, but we’re shooting stars for someone.

Lighten up! I think you haven’t noticed you don’t have to settle for someone who doesn’t look at you like you’re that one bird that they confused for a shooting star. Flawed, sure, but still beautiful.

Thank you for giving me something to think about.

Sincerely,

H.W.

###

Four years ago.

Dipping French fries in garlic cream is a gift sent from heaven. It’s what distracts her in this awful party with high school students, sporting their best clothing, faces filled with dumb smiles in need of feeling integrated in groups. Instead, she leans against the kitchen counter in the house of one of her classmates, concentrating on the scene that develops on the TV screen, a romantic movie displayed in there as she munches on the snacks everyone has been passing on just to socialize.

With the sound of her name cutting through the music, she turns towards the gray door that leads to the small kitchen. Yukhei is there, brown hair falling on his forehead as he clasps his hands together in front of him. A ridiculous plaid shirt rests on his upper body, tucked inside his skinny jeans when he pleads, in his best whiny tone:

“Can you please stop being a party pooper and come play a game with us?” He questions, and she knows Yukhei does it in good fun. He brought her here on the first place, in his dad’s car, as he begged to have his best friend by his side. Parties are his thing—and with his high school girlfriend tied by his side, he attends them much more often. “Please. I need you to have fun once.”

Truth be told, she’s not as easy going as she should, but she continues to dip another French fry into the cream before bringing it up to her lips and taking it in one bite. “I’m having fun. Titanic is running, the AC here is just perfect and this cream, God, Yukhei, this cream is to die for—”

“You ate it all yourself?” The taller man questions, taking the plate in between his fingers and watching that, indeed, the plate is halfway finished. “Shit, you smell like garlic.” Bringing his index and thumb to his nose, he plucks at his nostrils not to smell the garlic in her, and she has to raise her eyebrows at that.

“Doesn’t matter. I’ll just keep my mouth closed.”

Through a nasal tone, her best friend shakes his head. “You can’t.”

“Why not?” She says, blowing air into her rounded palm to feel her breath. Oof, boy, is it a good garlic.

“Because we’re about to play seven minutes in heaven and I want you to have a second chance at a first kiss since your first one sucked.” Fifteen, in the back of a cinema, with someone’s tongue down her throat and buttery fingertips running over her arms. It was horrid, and the thought alone of kissing someone else has her stomach churning. “I won’t pressure you to do it, but if the person you’re selected to go with is attractive to you,” He lets go of his nose, taking in a deep breath before smiling at her. “Go for it. You deserve to have a second try.”

Angel is not an adjective that would go with Yukhei’s name, but he is practical. “I’m not sure. I don’t want to offend anyone by saying no.”

“You’re not.” Yukhei says, swatting his hand in the air. “We’re all okay with it, and if you want to participate, you’re allowed to say no. We changed the rules. It’s consensual seven minutes in heaven. A classic for us.” Tugging at the sleeve of her oversized sweater, he drags her towards one of the bathrooms, rummaging through the glass cabinets until he finds some toothpaste. “But I need you to pour some of this on your finger and brush your teeth the best you can without a brush because I don’t want anyone tasting the garlic in your mouth. Thank you.”

Not enough objecting later and an endless pep-talk from Yukhei, she finds herself on a circle with some of her friends and classmates. Around twenty, to be exact, and the bottle had not landed on her yet. A few rounds pass by, and she’s left sipping on some soda to take the garlic breath away from her mouth—though bettered after half-brushing her teeth—, knees brought up to her chest when the bottle swings and she connects gazes with everyone on the circle.

Gravity makes it choice and when she looks down, the bottle is pointing at her, the other edge signaling towards Wong Kunhang.

Kunhang is not her closest friend, but he is cute. Big dark brown eyes, straight hair falling on the typical hairstyle on his forehead, dressed better than Yukhei in this occasion. A graphic t-shirt with some Star Wars quote and ripped jeans. His lips barely quirk up at the corner of his mouth when he looks up at her, her heart caged against her chest in fear of being denied.

Because Kunhang is a yes for her. She can’t say she would absolutely mind kissing him.

A shiver goes down her spine when Dia, one of the girls on the circle, claps her hands together and points to Kunhang after. “So, Kunhang, are you willing to get locked for seven minutes with your selected partner?”

Okay, this is it. This is the moment she feels like dissipating because one of the cutest guys in her class denies her. Maybe, he’ll stick his tongue out and pretend to vomit, or even worse, he’ll just shake his head and purse his lips, showing his disinterest—

“Yeah, of course.” He shrugs his shoulders, he does do that, but he sounds interested, quirking an eyebrow at her as his eyes twinkle. “Do you want to?”

The question is slow, enough to have her blinking a few times until Yukhei nudges her side with his bony elbow. “A—Ah, yes, I wouldn’t mind.”

“Sweet.” One of the guys says, deep voice following a high-five with Kunhang as the selected guy stands up and extends his hand towards her.

Shaking fingertips wrap around his, nervous beyond what she could explain. Yukhei had talked about this—kisses that were only meant to feel good, but she doesn’t think there should not be a reason for kissing. Clammy palms and tethering figure must have been made noticeable to Kunhang when they open the door to one of the closets, the lights turned off when they lock them inside, chest to chest, coats surrounding them in the cramped room.

With her heart practically racing out of her chest, Kunhang interlocks his fingers with hers, softly, speaking into the thin air: “We don’t have to kiss, you know?” He says, a chuckle following his words. “I’ll settle with a kiss on the cheek if that’s what you want.”

“W—Why do you say that?” She tries to grow accustomed to the dark room, but Kunhang’s eyes are nowhere to be seen in the dark.

“You’re shaking.”

Breathing out softly, she engulfs his palm with some strength. “I’m nervous.”

“Because of me?”

“Because of the kiss.” She mumbles out, feeling one of Kunhang’s hands pulling away from her hold to push her hair away from her shoulder, settling on her jaw softly. “I—I don’t think I enjoy kisses.”

Kunhang stays silent for a few seconds before quirking his head to the side, a confused noise leaving him. “You don’t?”

“They don’t feel good for me.”

“You’ve tried with various people?”

“One guy.”

“Who?”

“Woosung. He graduated last year.” Kunhang must not know him. Woosung was part of the soccer team, while he’s part of the debate club—

“Who the fuck trusts Woosung with a kiss?” He questions, voice levelled to have people believe they’re actually not just talking. “Isn’t that the guy who pees in the bushes instead of going to the bathroom like actual people?”

“He’s lazy.”

“It’s school. You can’t be that lazy.”

That relaxes her enough to chuckle, chest touching with his slim frame in the process. “Maybe, I just made a wrong choice.”

“Not a ‘maybe’. I’m certain.” Kunhang confesses, pushing his body forward the slightest, just one step, but enough to steal her breath away. “…What would you say if I told you I could do better? I mean, you could always compare and it could be a nice experience. You, you know, could consider this your first kiss.” He shrugs, and though she wants to continue talking, her eyes have finally settled to the dark and she sees the outline of his thin lips, too close for her not to notice them, not to want to taste them—

“Why not?”

Those are the two words that gave her the best kiss she’s ever had. Sweet, tranquil, patient, meant to feel good, to be relaxed and dizzying. Her palms extend to end on his waist, breathing in the scent of his perfume mixed with some spices, his hair tickling her face when he decides to deepen the kiss.

Most first kisses with someone are not perfect, but this one feels like it, taking every portion of her soul and claiming it as Kunhang’s. His hands settle on her waist, feeling feminine for once, as if she’s more than just a pair of lips to kiss—he has purpose on this, for them to feel good, connected beyond what anyone could have explained to her.

Wong Kunhang is one damn good kisser, even when he was just seventeen at the time.

And his sense of time is to envy, pulling away with a smile and a sly pop of his lips when he whispers, taking one last peck from her: “We have twenty seconds. I don’t want you to get caught.”

She barely has enough time to fix her hair and the sleeve of her sweater when Dia opens the door of the closet and beams at them.

“How was the kiss?”

Kunhang could have talked about how he dizzied her, made her feel better than any man but he went for the route he knew would be better for her instead.

“Wouldn’t know. We just talked.” Though, she’s not sure anyone believed him, lips rosy when he took his snapback and placed it backwards on his head, taking a seat on the circle once again with a smile on his face.

Dia wraps an arm around her shoulder, gasping at his words. “You just talked over there?”

Looking into her eyes, she finishes the conversation with a whispered: “I think we just needed to catch up.”

But her braincells hadn’t caught up to how insane she felt after kissing Kunhang.

So, that was what a real kiss was.

###

Her ribcage digs into the edge of the counter of the gym, pumped-up hip-hop music blaring from the speakers when she swipes through her phone screen. Worries, all accumulated inside her head, with the need to be voiced out, go from one corner of her brain to the other as she swipes through her screen, refreshing the website that had given her some peace of thought when it came to solitude.

How would Kunhang react had he known the reality of it all? Had he known that H.W had made her feel better? They never had that connection; that thing that she had with Yukhei where she could approach him and endlessly talk about topics with no judgement inside her heart. Not because she feared his words would pierce through her with stigmas, but because the distance between them was based on her attraction towards him. Always relaxed, honest, living a day at a time…seemingly unworried.

So, she continues to talk to him, in hopes to be read, to get a glimmer of his heart and head once again even when the website’s inbox is closed.

I don’t know why I’m writing to you again, or well, I really do.

H.W, have you ever made a mess so big you don’t know how to put the pieces together? Have you ever hidden in hopes of no one seeing you? I’m sure not a lot of people have. Here I am, hiding from the man I don’t want to date while I’m unable to tell him to just fuck off.

See, something you should know about me, apart from loveless, I’m also a coward.

The first thing I thought about was writing something to you. I know this is part of your project and you may not read me again, but whatever, I just need to let this out with someone…

Do you, oh so wise love master, have some list of ways to break things off with someone who you’re not really dating but you don’t want to see anymore because you didn’t want to see them on the first place?

Asking for a friend.

Or, not. Definitely asking for myself.

I’m a mess.

Dearly,

Loveless Anon.

P.S: Should I start calling myself Dumbass Anon? Fits better, IMO.

With that, she shrinks at the sight of Leo entering the establishment, the heels of her palms digging onto the tiles to get away from the main area and into the office at the back, closing the door behind her with a soft swish.

She’s sure of one thing, she doesn’t want to kiss that man again.

###

“What does…?” Plopping the red lollipop from between his lips, Mrs. Ling’s grandson, Lu, swings his feet back and forth while seated on the bench in his grandmother’s garden. Mrs. Ling had married a wealthy man back in her day, when her ninety-year-old bones didn’t creak whenever she walked, hence the family has a wealthy lifestyle. “What does Pikachu turn into once he grows up?”

Lu may be trying to say the word ‘evolve’, and this entire obsession for Pokémon may have come from the constant singing of the theme song towards the plants with the kid around, but with the sun beaming down his features, keeping him reddened under the limelight, Kunhang hums. “That’s be Raichu.”

Pouring water fills the silence around them until Lu pouts out his plump bottom lip, his long dark bowl-cut moving with the wind. The seven-year-old is adorable, he’ll give him that. “But Pikachu never changes in the show…”

Turning around, he stops watering the plants, a smile taking over his features when he says: “Maybe, because he doesn’t want to change.”

“But who wouldn’t want to be a stronger Pikachu?”

That question makes him think back to his website. It’s been a while since he last checked for it, inbox closed and project running, but all he can think about is Loveless Anon. She wanted to be better at love, without realizing there is no bettering what is just meant to happen.

“Strength is not everything, kid.” Kunhang replies, tucking a strand of his hair behind his ear. “Sometimes, all we need is our friends. Or people who want to be by our sides. What’s the point of being better if you can’t be better with your people?”

That has Lu thinking for a few seconds, his Pikachu plushie placed on his lap, his chin resting on its head and Kunhang resumes to watering the plants, twenty minutes left on the clock before he has to rush out of there.

“Are you Raichu or Pikachu?”

That moment, Kunhang wants to laugh. Well, the metaphors are now connected to a kid’s show. “Like, a Feebas. Unique, but no one really gives a…thing about me.”

Lu’s eyes twinkle when he stands up from his spot. “I have a Feebas in my game.”

“You do?”

“Yes.” Lu nods. “It’s cool, like you. I want to be like you when I grow up, HangHang.”

When a plate breaks, the sound perpetrates each portion of a person’s body. It shatters to the point of bringing fear onto someone. Yet, that dulling noise settles inside his ears, confusing him when he sees Lu enter the spacious home and rush up the set of stairs. A kid, a whole rich kid who plays Pokémon a little too much had told him that he wanted to be like him?

Now, that’s one of the best things that has happened to Kunhang in a while.

And maybe, it’s about time he feels proud of what he has done. A website, along with his friends. A project now developed, that doesn’t sound too bad. He’s midway through his career. A good friend, a nice son, an annoying brother…he’s a lot of things, but he never stops and thinks about the change he can make into someone’s life.

That’s how he ends his job a bit early, with ten minutes on the clock as he takes a seat on that bench Lu had taken place on, rummaging through the website to see if Loveless Anon had written something else to him.

Nonetheless, he didn’t expect for her to actually reply to him.

Thus, taking into consideration that the website includes the option of personal replies, he starts writing.

Be honest. That’s the key to life.

You know, I don’t think you’re a dumbass. I have a friend who is just like you. She’s…amazing, but she doesn’t realize it in most occasions. If ever. I think if the guy you’re seeing is an absolute asshole, prepare with all your might, make something grand that sits his ass down in place and have a great time at it (record it if you do embarrass him, I love watching assholes have a hard time).

But hey, if he’s a nice dude, just sit him down and talk about it. Say you don’t feel the way he wants you to feel and move on.

I don’t think being a coward is inherent to us. We can change it, you know?

Or, contract H.W to do it for you. Would love to!

P.S: I really like the name Loveless Anon. It sounds so aesthetic. I can imagine it on Pinterest posts between hearts.

Talk to me sometime, maybe off anon dude,

H.W.

Though, when he lifts his gaze, he hears the sound of someone falling onto the bushes of the garden, he stands up with a frown on his face.

Oh, please don’t tell him he’s about to be part of a robbery—

###

People of the world, jot down the rule number one of living in your notebooks…

Don’t break up with a rich person while being on their car. Don’t break up with a man with an ego so huge it’s bigger than his nonexistent ass. Those are two rules, but with a comma in between, they can be added together.

Leo’s sharp eyes had managed to find her today and with his incessant need to get her out to buy some ice cream for her, a wet kiss pressed to her lips without her desire, she decided it was time. You know, how in movies the side character who is best friends with the real main character opts that enough is enough and they’re going to evolve.

Well, this didn’t go so well.

What she had said, five minutes ago was: “I don’t think we should be seeing each other. Ever. I just…ah, it doesn’t work for me, I guess?”

So, that’s where the pleading started, his plush lips spitting out the truths that he guesses about her—that she was so into their kisses, so devoted to him, so simply head over heels that he couldn’t believe she was spitting out such lies.

“Leo, I’m fucking honest. It’s over.” With her patience running short, her fingers hook around the handle of the door, ready to jump out of the car if necessary. The man is not even looking ahead of the road when he comes to a clear, abrupt stop.

“You’re such a needy little bitch.” Finally, his true colors are shown and she has to lift her eyebrows at the sentence that left his lips. “You think that just because you’re half cute, you get to treat people like shit. It has always been like this—”

“Well, you were the one trying it out with me. You were pushy, Leo.”

“You said yes,” He shrugs, unlocking the doors of his expensive car, an eye-roll following after. “What are you, stupid? Now I have to read between the lines with bitches because there are people like you that don’t know what they want?”

That is the brink of the iceberg, the tip, making her chuckle as she opens the door of the car. “I know what I want,” She starts. “And it has never been you. I dated you because you were all over the place, asking me out.”

“Out of pity.” Leo conquers. “No one wants to date you because you’re fucking impossible to deal with.”

“Okay then! I’m better off not dating if that means not seeing people like you.”

When she closes the door of the car, the swooshing motion of the windows opening has it pulling down. “Get back in the car.”

“I won’t.”

“Get back in the fucking car before I tell everyone just how much of a bitch you are.”

“I don’t care. Not about you, not about your opinion.”

Though, when she hears his wheels whirling and the man moving backwards, she starts running, fearful of what his tainted ego could do. Rocks splattered on the sidewalk may have been enough to make her lose her footing as she looks over her shoulder, someone’s gates digging onto her sternum for the briefest second when she falls, lunching forward and inside a house.

Well, what a way to end things coolly.

Curled leaves fall against her hair, the harshness of a hose plastered against her waist when she lets out a curt sigh. She swears she hears footsteps, but with the sun beaming down on her eyes and the fall corrupting every portion of her muscles, her ears barely make out the noise until someone’s strong fingertips wrap around her arms and bring her up, stomach folded, eyes widening when she sees the person in front of her.

He calls out her name at the same time that she whispers out a tiny: “Kunhang?”

For once, the sun has done him justice, scarlet streaks of embarrassment and heat transcending from his cheeks to his neck when a big smile takes over his features. “You’re trying to rob my employer’s house?”

“God, no.” She shakes her head, her own hands resting on his shoulders to straighten her back and get up as skillfully as she can while hurt from the fall. “No, no, I would never.”

“Then, explain this very inappropriate way of entering someone’s house.” Thus, she knows he is joking around with her, arms folded across his chest when she sighs deeply.

She has written to him under the name of Loveless Anon, maybe because she was scared of saying it out loud—that the only man she has ever enjoyed kissing and hasn’t lost attraction to is him. There, with the fear of being judged for being so fucking easy to read, for him to know that things with Leo weren’t working out, she decides to speak up.

“Leo was following me around with his car after I broke things off with him.” Resting her hands on the depth of her pockets, she shrugs. “Well, or he could have just driving off, but with how angry he was…I thought…”

“What did he tell you?” Through gritted teeth, he hunts for answers, jaw tightened on his hold.

“Called me a bitch. Said something about me being impossible—”

“Oh, of course he would.” Kunhang rolls his eyes, pure exasperation following his scoff when she decides to interrupt him.

“It was my fault. I shouldn’t have dated just because, it was bad.”

He quirks an eyebrow at that, before humming softly. “You’ve got a point. I can’t say it wasn’t your fault.” He replies. “But that doesn’t give him a reason to treat you badly, much less make you jump into someone’s house.”

“That was a reflex.”

Placing one hand on top of her head, Kunhang chuckles. “I don’t care. That asshole doesn’t get to treat you like that.” With that, he gives one step away from her, the warmth of him replaced by the sun when he goes pick up his backpack. “Is he out there?”

She knows how tight Kunhang’s schedule is, so she shakes her head. “I doubt he is. I—I will just walk home.”

“I can’t offer you a car ride, but I won’t let you leave on your own. What if he’s out there, all pissed off?” With that, he tosses his helmet towards her, caught through nimble fingers when he gives her a smile. “We’re going on my super bicycle. Batman had his car, I have my bicycle.”

Though the sentence warms her heart, she can’t accept it. “Kunhang, you’re going to run late to work—”

“Consider it a calf workout. I need them to get stronger.” With the way he rests a hand in between her shoulder blades, moving her away from the garden and saying his goodbyes over his shoulder, her mind can already make out his positive answer to taking her home.

“Your legs are fine.”

“You think so?” Kunhang asks, a hint of a blush on his cheeks. “So, the ladies say.”

“Oh, come on.” She nudges his side with her elbow. “Too much time with Yukhei is making you go all Casanova.”

“Please. I’m not in Yukhei’s level.”

“Thank God.”

In a cramped little bicycle with the world swishing around them, her arms wrap around his taut waist, her head lulled against his back when she takes in the scent of him, the spice that she may never forget, relishing on his softness and the way he never stops talking, sometimes in a deeper voice when he doesn’t notice. It’s purely him, the guy in the closet with her that one time years ago.

It’s H.W.

It’s not a surprise when guilt washes over her when she gets home, Kunhang not having much time for conversation as he rushes—quite late—to his next job. Upon seeing her apartment complex, she looks down at her phone, seeing a notification from the website he created.

Would he still reply to her if he knew it was her?

###

You know that game people play before graduation, a little bit before prom? Most likely to become president or to get married? Well, Yangyang should’ve won the title ‘most likely to become high on one sip of caffeine but still be goddamn addicted.’

Fits him like a glove.

Fresh coffee beans, Styrofoam cups, wiped tables and soft jazz, Kunhang has learned the art of caffeine against his will. With his eyes half closing, he tries not to pour down the coffee that he is serving Yukhei’s roommate this early in the morning. With his apron digging into his stomach, his hair done a mess and his eyelashes fluttering against his under-eyes, he feels like Yangyang is another kind of specimen. If his guesses are not wrong, Yangyang may have not even slept the entire night.

The balls of his feet make him move back and forth by the time Kunhang turns around, the barista is midway through a yawn when he scribbles a quick heart on top of Yangyang’s coffee and sends it over his way.

“You look horrible,” Yangyang spits out, thankfully the last in line. With relaxation filling his bones, Kunhang rests his elbow on the counter, head lulling to the side while delicately closing his eyes. “Maybe, you should start tidying up. My roomie is about to get here any second.”

With pursed lips and a tired scoff, Kunhang replies: “Why would I give a shit about what Yukhei thinks? He’s seen me this tired since forever.”

But Yangyang is smart, with his cat-like smile, pushed back hair and oversized hoodie, he doesn’t look like a nightmare, but he goddamn right is intuitive and a headache, much more when he spits out her name and has Kunhang straightening his back, looking around the room in suspicion.

“Guilty as charged, I see.”

“T—That doesn’t mean a thing.” Kunhang tries to chuckle, shrugging his shoulders in the process. “I’m just not used…to looking bad…in front of people who are not my closest friends?” His voice sounds like a goddamned question. Fuck, why can’t he simply sound more relaxed?

Truth is, he has one of those bad cases of underthinking. When all he can think about is one person. These past few weeks, he has checked that goddamned website, with the little time he has left, and he has looked forward to talking to Loveless Anon. For, it feels like he is talking to her, and that kind of connection has never come around.

He’s a coward. He kissed her in a closet during the lamest game in the world and he could never ask her out. Partly because he expected her to say something, admit that it was a good kiss and wasn’t like the others, and another part of him was just a tad bit scared. Of the awkwardness, for example, that could come in their friend group and with Yukhei if they just happened to see each other that way and break up.

“So, the myth has it—” Yangyang takes a sip of his drink. “That you two kissed when you were like seventeen.”

Kunhang’s eyes settle on a figure at the far distance, bustling laughter and clapping hands of men making him frown. Isn’t that Leo…? He returns his gaze to Yangyang. “Who told you that?”

“You know, like, that one time last Christmas when we got stuck at the campus and you were, like, drunk off your ass?” Kunhang nods. “I asked you who was a better kisser between two girls you dated and you told me her name, and she wasn’t even in the list.”

“I was drunk.” Kunhang tries to chuckle the matter away.

“So, she wasn’t a good kisser?” Yangyang waves his eyebrows on his forehead, up and down. “Or should I test it myself just so we have a reaction out of you and you finally ask her out? Because you’re hot, she’s hot. Hot plus hot makes hotter.”

The older man shakes his head, pondering if he should go to that goddamned table that included Leo and his friends. He’s not sure if he wants her to see him, so it’s better to simply attend them and get them out of the way. Running his hands over his apron, he walks away from his spot behind the counter.

“That actually makes two hot. Hot plus hot makes two hot, not hotter.”

“Nerd talk doesn’t get the girls, bro.” Yangyang conquers with a wave of his hand.

“Oh, and you’re not kissing her.”

With a scrunched-up face and a faked gag, he nods. “Of course, I won’t. I’ve heard that woman fart, I’m not sure if I see her that way, or any way.”

“You really expect your future partner not to fart in front of you?”

“I expect them to make me fall in love hard enough for me not to care about their stinky farts.”

He laughs, patting Yangyang’s shoulder before speaking. “Listen, Leo is right over there and I hadn’t even noticed. Now, I want you not to let her inside if she gets here. I don’t want her seeing that dude.”

For a second, Yangyang’s brown eyes widen before catching a glimpse of the man by the table before nodding. “You’ve got it. We’re distracting her and making mortadella out of his dick.”

“Not really.” Kunhang spits out, but he points at his friends. “But I like your way of thinking.”

Very rarely does Kunhang feel petrified, in spot, as if the world around him is going miles per minutes and he’s stuck in half a mile. His chest contracts when he gets his notepad out of his pocket, only to hear the obscenities that left Leo’s lips, a smirk forever plastered on his face.

“You should’ve seen her face when I was fucking her.” 

He listens, loud and clear, every little detail that Leo presumably fakes, that boosts his ego and have his friends leaning on the table to hear about him from up close. The man barely looks up from the menu on his hands or stops talking about the ‘little noises she made’—his words, not Kunhang’s—when he recognizes the man in front of him. Barely concealing his grin, he continues speaking.

“She doesn’t look like the type.” One of his friends says, laughing in the most obnoxious of ways as he folds the sleeves of his red t-shirt for the umpteenth time, all in hopes of showing his muscles. “But atta boy, you got to fuck her in less than a month. Congrats.”

Maybe, he should’ve thought rationally. He could lose his job for what he does next…but who is he kidding? This is the rational thing to do. Take the used coffee cup on one of the abandoned tables, pull the back of Leo’s shirt away from his neck and soon after, pour the entirety of the sipped on, cold, perhaps rancid coffee down his shirt to hear him gasp and pull away from the table with a harsh tug.

There is goes.

Revenge and karma are fucking dating, and for a reason.

“Oh no. No. No. No.” He swears he hears Yangyang saying when he gets closer, but Leo, with his taller height, has already grasped the front of Kunhang’s shirt, breathing a little too closely.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

“Cooling you off.” Kunhang replies, quirking one of his eyebrows in the process. “You were getting a little horny out of your spank-bank imagination, so I needed to stop your shit.”

Before Leo could push him backwards, his fist goes forward, knocking him on his sculpted abdomen before pulling away. “Is this what this shit is about?” He questions, though when he lifts his hand to hit Kunhang, he swats it away with ease. Too much muscle, not a lot of strength. “You’re angry I fucked your friend?”

Yangyang takes this moment to butt in. “I’m not the type to fight but you definitely didn’t fuck her.”

“You were there?”

“I know you didn’t.” Kunhang replies for Yangyang, though it’s more of a prayer. If this man ever dared lay a finger on her, he’s going to lose his mind. Maybe, because someone like him shouldn’t have kissed her on the first place. “Man, everyone who saw you with her could tell that she wasn’t really into you. Get over it.”

A punch lays on Kunhang’s cheekbone, burning bright and hurting the slightest, his hand coming to the side to cradle the pained skin. “What do you fucking know?”

With the doors of the café opening and some customers still gaping at them, he hears the sound of someone getting closer, a low voice adding:

“Now I know enough.” And from the way she speaks, Kunhang could only curse at himself for what she saw. A beanie rests on her head, her face stoic, the rest of her clothing comfortable and ready for a coffee meeting with her roommate, but that had to be ruined by this asshole. “You didn’t fuck me, and I’m so thankful I decided not to do anything else with you. So, you can talk all the shit you want about me, I don’t care. Tell everyone about what we didn’t do or create a fucking story, but don’t you dare lay a hand on him again, you get me?”

Shivering from the cold brewed coffee on his back, Leo says: “You are insane!”

“Well, yeah, now you know my second name.”

“Out.” Kunhang says, pointing at the door, skin tainted on his cheekbone, hurting like a madman. Maybe, he spoke about Leo’s strength quite too soon. “Out of my establishment right now.”

“Whatever.” Leo spits out, picking up his backpack before pointing with his chin towards the door. “Let’s go, boys.”

By the time the doors open and close behind the group of men, wheels of his car whirling at his high speed, he hears Yangyang clapping his hands once before saying, in the softest tone:

“Who would’ve thought dumbass Wong Kunhang had it in him to be badass?”

Scoffing, she turns to look at Kunhang, sitting him down where Leo had taken place on pink leather accompanied by a white table before inspecting his face with soft fingertips. He really tries his hardest not to concentrate on her face, her tainted lips and sweet eyes when she studies his features.

“That’s not badass. That’s stupid.” She conquers, opening her bag and getting a cloth out before talking to Yangyang. “Bring me some water. It must be killing him—”

Saluting her, Yangyang hums. “On it.”

“It wasn’t stupid.” Kunhang hisses when she digs her fingers onto his cheekbones, palping around. “That asshole was lying about you and I couldn’t handle it. I’m sorry, but with how much it takes you to trust someone and how much you pressured yourself to like him, I didn’t think it was fair for him to treat you as if you were a toy. I don’t think it’s okay.”

Silence falls upon her, only opening her lips when Yangyang brings her a bottle of water. Somehow, the youngest understands to get away from the situation, not the annoying one by the time she pours some water on the cloth and presses it to Kunhang’s bruised skin.

“Did you believe him?”

Kunhang shakes his head. “No.” He denies softly, hissing at the pain. “But even if you had done something with him, that doesn’t give him the benefit to talk about it as if it wasn’t something you two did. As if most people don’t get involved in shit like that. No one cares—”

A little smile tugs at the corner of her lips, pushed away by her worry. “And the coffee stain?”

“I poured coffee on him.”

“Why?”

“He was talking on detail and hearing all those guys thirst over you in that light. I don’t know…” Kunhang looks over to the side, a chuckle leaving his lips. “Not that I hope no one feels attracted to you, I know a lot of people do. I sure hope you get, at least, twenty guys in your DM’s every time you post a picture because it’s the hype you deserve…but I don’t want, you know…”

“You don’t want what?”

“I don’t want you to date just whoever.” Kunhang finalizes, raising his hands in the air. “But it’s not my call and I have to accept it, because I want your utmost happiness above all…but come on? A gym rat that talks about sex and hitting it from the back even if you were absolutely repulsed to kiss him? You can do so much better—”

The moment she wraps her arms around him, he doesn’t expect it. Truth is, every action of her being tugs at his heart strings in ways that he can’t understand. The warm nature of her hug when she rests her chin on his shoulder and rests her hands on his back has his own arm coming upwards, engulfing her and resting his fingertips on her head.

“You’re not meant to be my knight in shining armor, you know?”

“I don’t mean to be that.” Kunhang whispers, pulling away to tenderly trail his gaze over her face. “I know you can take care of yourself perfectly fine. Jump into some old lady’s house on the way, too.”

“…You’re such a fool.” Rolling her eyes, she lets her thumb trail over his cheekbone. “And a cute fool, but now you look like Prince Charming after getting on the boxing ring with Canelo Alvarez.”

“I stopped listening after cute.” Batting his eyelashes, Kunhang stands up at that moment. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to continue working. May I know, our beloved customer, what your coffee order for today is?”

Fixing the hoodie over her head, she pouts out her lips when saying: “Cinnamon coffee, please? And one for you, too. You look exhausted.”

Someone please put a wall up before she gets to his much-too-busy life and heart.

### 

The world falls from her eyes, tired beyond what she could express, entering her last year of her psychology major and still, feeling unprepared. Maybe, that’s the endless minds of adults—losing confidence with each step they give into forever. Her fingers rake through her hair with the light of Yukhei’s laptop casting over her face as she reads through the last version of his shared project with Kunhang.

And maybe, in this room, she feels a bit guilty—divided in a way that she can’t quite explain. She’s not doing anything wrong, but connecting with Kunhang only through a website makes her feel ridiculous. Maybe, here where she is sitting, reading the conclusions, she starts to think there would have been no way for Kunhang to talk to her had it not been under a pseudonym and somehow, it’s the harshest pill to swallow.

Closing her eyes tightly, she taps her finger against the last sentence of the document before humming. “Proud of you, giant.” She says, voice as dulcet as it can be when treating with her roommate, turning to him with a faint smile on her features. Yukhei rests against the doorframe of her room, sporting some plaid pajamas and his blonde hair done a mess. “It’s good. You took the corrections I gave you and wrote a nice project, and the conclusions are great—”

“Did you read Kunhang’s?” He questions, her grin faltering the slightest.

She did, indeed. While Yukhei had concentrated on issues according to unemployment and how it affected people’s social lives, Kunhang had gone straight for love and how pressuring it feels for young adults to find the love of their lives.

Maybe, Loveless Anon had something to do with that.

“I read the entire project. Can’t wait for you guys to get the best grade.”

“That’s not what I’m asking, dummy.” Yukhei gets closer to her, kneeling in front of her computer seat before tugging at the edge and pulling her away from the desk. He needs her utmost attention, as it seems. “You want me to believe, me Wong Yukhei, that you’re not that Loveless Anon that Kunhang has been talking to for the past two months ago?”

Trying to look for an answer, she comes with the smallest one, barely let out through her half-parted lips. “So, what about it?”

Yukhei widens his eyes at that. “Oh shit, I was right.”

Well, there goes Yukhei guessing and doing it right for once. “…You were guessing.”

“And, I guessed right. I am really not as dumb as people think I am.” Yukhei chuckles at his own words, patting his hand against her knee. “So, when are you going to confess it all to him? Like, in one of those coming-of-age movies that we see or in those Hong Kong romance movies where—”

“Never.”

“What?”

Perhaps, Yukhei thinks of this as a movie. That romances in college last, or that either of them has the time to actually date each other. Not only that, but her own cowardly nature that had preferred to write under an anon name rather than talk to him in the way they did two months ago.

She once learned probabilities, she really did—and while she can read people, she can read situations even better. Kunhang and herself are not probable; they are not a match made in heaven and neither can they be friends. Not after that kiss. Not because they have a friend in common, Yukhei in this case, that would be absolutely devastated if he lost one or the other.

“Listen, it’s going to be weird because…I don’t know, I guess the letters feel a bit obvious about me flirting with him and—”

“And, so what?” Yukhei questions, his hands coming up to his hair when he stands up to pace back and forth. “Throughout the entirety of these two months, you’ve questioned yourself for never being attracted enough to a guy, for never wanting a guy as much as they want you but now, for the first time in years, you are interested in a guy whom you’ve kissed and you’d kiss again. Shit, why the hell aren’t you telling him and testing the waters?!”

“It isn’t that easy.” Closing the Word document with Yukhei’s project, she turns to look through the PDF book she should be reading for a class. “What if he’s not interested?”

“Oh, trust me. Kunhang thinks you’re hot.”

“That isn’t enough, Yukhei.” Though, heat fills her face once she rests her palm on her cheek, trying to hide away from her best friend. “What if he doesn’t want the same thing I do?”

“Then, you can say you tried.”

For a moment, those words repeat inside her head, with the memories—though definitely in group of friends—in between the two and the smiles shared, but she shakes her head before she can think of it any further.

“Thanks for the concern, Yukhei, but I’d rather pluck all of my eyelashes out than go through the embarrassment of being rejected by Kunhang. Bye.”

“He’s not going to reject you.” He tries to reason. “But if he did, then he’s the one losing you. Not you losing him.”

Even through it all, the hardships of college, the stress of adulthood, she can say she has someone taking care of her.

“I said bye, giant.”

“I’m not—”

“I’ll delete your Word document with your entire project if you don’t leave, Yukhei.” She adds, with humor in her tone. “And I know you don’t back your shit up.”

When he opens the door to leave, she hears a faint whisper leaving his deep voice: “You’re evil, woman.”

###

The air around his lungs feels less constricting when seated on that table in his social science class, grasping his last test in between his fingers, his project revised and approved by the professor, ending up on second place in the entire class.

This is the grade that could make him pass.

Or, alternatively, that could mean more money for university.

Kunhang has always prided on the fact that he’s confident, but with shaky fingertips and weaving eyes, he doesn’t know what to think about. Dejun’s face has softened sufficiently, meaning he has done well and of course, star of the class—somehow—Wong Yukhei is not worried.

“Come on, man.” Yukhei pats his hand against the back of his head, harsher than intended. “It’ll be fine. You’ve stupid like crazy.”

And that’s what scares him. For the first time, Kunhang has put his all and a bit more, waiting for the best outcome, but by the way his stomach twists and turns, his mind lightweight, it’s impossible for him to pass this class. No matter how hard he works, Mr. Sam wouldn’t be nice enough to grade him properly.

“Yeah, I guess.” Kunhang mumbles, turning the page around until it meets his gaze, like a glass of cold water falling on his face and awakening him. The most beautiful moments of life are not those who are perfect, but when his head felt like it was underwater and he managed to rise again.

Eighty.

Kunhang got an eighty in his last test.

“I fucking passed!” The smile on his face reads a thousand shades of sunshine when he plasters the exam down on the desk and brings his hands up his features, upwards towards the strands of his brown hair.

He can breathe again.

###

From: Min Chaeryeong.

Come pick me up at Dejun’s place.

Just broke up with him.

That asshole.

Never again, girl. Never again.

Romance movies paint it so beautifully. There’s a beginning, a limitation, a resolution and an end—well, a prolongated end in the form of happily ever after. What they never expect is for the secondary character to be rushing through the streets in order to get to Dejun’s place, looking for her best friend who had been on a long relationship only for it to end in an abrupt night of July, with a text that worries her to bits and pieces.

Her hair swishes with the movement of her hands opening the entrance door, greeting some of the students in the apartment complex before going up the set of stairs. Sneakers clanking against the tiles after coming from her workplace, her stomach roars in hunger and yet, she can only worry about Chaeryeong. Would she be crying endlessly? She knows, better than anyone, that Chaeryeong and Dejun love each other, or used to, at the very least…but if they can’t work together, then so be it.

She pulls the hood of her white sweater off her head, knocking on Dejun’s door a few times only to come up with silence. Her ear presses to the orange wood, wanting to listen to, at least, the whisper of the aftereffects of a fight, but it’s silent. Could they have gone somewhere else?

Her phone slips out of her pocket when she writes back.

To: Min Chaeryeong.

Chae, I’m here.

Where are you?

What happened?

Open the door.

From: Min Chaeryeong.

It’s open.

I’m in the closet with Dejun.

Come pick me up before I slice his nuts in half.

Okay, now that is a sign for her to open the door as quickly as she can.

The handle slides from her fingertips quickly, managing to take off her shoes in a swift motion before walking through the elongated hallway. None of Dejun’s roommates are anywhere to be around, not even his dog, Bella, but she does know where the closet can be found. Third door on the right, next to Dejun’s room.

Picking up Chaeryeong after staying over at Dejun’s place had been normal occurrence more than once, after all.

Maybe, it’s the worry for her two friends, the aspiring voice full of ambition that tells her she can save the day, but she opens the door of the closet. Darkened walls and not a single light in sight, the cramped space welcomes her body, door swinging closed behind her until she hears a small whine in a manly voice, a man standing up just when he hears the door closing.

“No!” But by the movement the visitor made—clearly Kunhang, now that she hears his voice—, caused for his chest to be pressed to hers, his left arm extending to stop the door from closing a little too late. Well, Kunhang is here, but—

“Where are Chae and Dejun?”

Kunhang pulls away at that, crossing his arms over his chest, glimmers of sweat dancing across his forehead and temple before sighing. “They’re in the other room, celebrating their anniversary by playing some fucking prank on us but for some reason, they locked me up in here and said you’d come in any second. The handle doesn’t work from the inside.”

“Fuck!” She curses, trying the handle out just when she hears Kunhang plop himself down on the flooring. “Why would they lock us in here?”

This sounds oddly familiar, and by the way Kunhang tugs at the collar of his shirt to wave some air towards himself, they could fry themselves from the heat here. “I have no idea.”

A knock on the door makes her look up, only to hear Dejun’s voice. “Because you two have something to tell each other and—”

“Chaeryeong, Dejun, you either get us out of here or I swear I will kick this door down!” Knowing the reason why she is here doesn’t make her feel any better. All of this just for her to admit that she’s Loveless Anon? Not a chance. She won’t stay here to make a fool of herself or die in the process. “Are you fucking out of your minds?”

“Well, everything with you guys has always started with a closet, so.” Chaeryeong is so dead for doing this to her— “I’ll give you seven minutes. If nothing happens, well, we’ll quit and accept we are just being stupid. If something happens, you’re welcome.”

“Chae!” Banging her fist against the door, she doesn’t hear anything else more than footsteps and the start of a timer, making her sigh deeply.

“Something to tell me?” Kunhang questions, voice low and soft before releasing a scoff. “Okay, you can tell me whatever. I won’t judge you. I just don’t want to suffocate in here because I think I’ve been here for five minutes or so and I’m—”

“I—I don’t know what to tell you!” She replies back, taking a seat next to him on the flooring before crossing her legs. “It’s really nothing. Like, it’s not a big deal.”

Turning to her, face closer than ever, he sighs through his nostrils. “They think it’s a big deal. So, it should be…”

“Listen, it’s…” With the scent of him engulfing her and her heart racing inside her chest, she thinks about how much of a coward she has been. Closed up and pulling away from him, even not saying anything to him that one time they kissed years ago. It was as if it didn’t happen, afraid of the consequences to the point she never tried to understand what that kiss meant. “You know, I’ve always…shit, I don’t know how to say this.”

“Just say it.” Kunhang laughs, using the back of his hand to wipe the sweat off his forehead. “I promise I won’t judge. Unless it’s something really bad.”

What does he consider really bad?

“I’ve been confused for years. I thought that…that I’d never like someone for a long period of time. I guess, I wouldn’t ever be interested in someone for more than a week and it made me feel like the biggest bitch. And not in the good sense,” Turning to look at him, she rakes her eyes over his features. Twinkling eyes, rosy lips and understanding nature. “So, what did I do? I pushed myself away from ever feeling like that and I would’ve been perfectly fine with it had it not been for that one time at that party when I was curious to kiss you. I did, as you can remember.”

Kunhang lets his gaze fall down to her lips, chuckling in the process. Soft. Tender. “I do, of course.”

“And this is bad, really bad, but I compared every kiss after to you and part of me always wondered, as I was kissing other men, if I would only like to be kissed by you or how could I teach someone to kiss me like you did…and I’d feel even worse.” Her voice becomes duller, fluttering eyelashes from endless blinking. “So, that night you told me it wasn’t my fault, I was curious, again. I couldn’t believe that I was still stupid enough to be hung up on you, but I couldn’t talk about this with anyone. Shit, Yukhei is one of your best friends…”

“You really thought of me as your best kiss?” Kunhang questions, pointing with his index finger towards his taut chest. She nods once.

“I really thought I could learn how to come to terms with the fact that romance and kissing isn’t that big of a deal if I just talked to someone like you. You’re so relaxed all the fucking time and…” This time around, her throat contracts, not finding the words to say. Her eyelids close tightly when she breathes out: “I became Loveless Anon, because I wanted to know your opinion about it.”

For one second, Kunhang remains silent, a house of cards that has fallen onto the weight of realization, but then, laughter comes from him, barely audible when he shakes his head.

“I knew you were Loveless Anon.”

She widens her eyes at that, inspecting his impressed features. “You did?”

“The speech was the same as yours. And you only replied at times when I know you weren’t working or studying. It had to be you. Same issues, too.” Who would have thought that Kunhang would have guessed it from the beginning? “I didn’t want to believe it at first…but when I started to reply to you more often, I just knew. Every time I pressed enter on those messages, I thought of you.”

“Holy fuck.” She whispers, covering her face with her hands as sweet laughter leaves her lips. “I was mortified, Kunhang.”

His fingertips wrap around her wrists, uncovering her face when he beams at her face “Why? Why? You shouldn’t have been stressing out about this.” He whispers, cradling both hands in between his. “I should be the one stressing out because I never said anything either—and I really liked that kiss back then, too.”

“You don’t have to say it just because I did.” She laughs, trying to shrug the embarrassment that creeps up on her away. It’s impossible for him to have thought of that kiss in a closet to be something he enjoyed, much more compared with the number of women that were in his life during college after. “It’s okay, really. You’re just a really good kisser and you should know that—”

His arm wraps around her waist, bringing her forward to rest his lips against hers, his chest to hers when he turns to left to peck her lips softly. Delicately. Her eyes are barely closed by the time he pulls away, though from the brief glimpse of light from under the door, she can see that his eyelids have denied her the benefit of looking into his powerful eyes.

What she doesn’t expect is for him to press another softer, longer peck to her lips, her hands melting against his touch and resting on his chest, curling onto his side when she’s the one to pull away this time. Her sweater becomes his axis, curled into his fist when he leans in one last time, a sharp intake of breath following his actions when he deepens the kiss, his free hand resting on her shoulder, caressing the skin over the fabric.

Her own hands end up on his long hair, lips melting against her own, dancing with fervor, necessity, yet not picking up his pace—as if he has all the time in the world and he would rather spend it with her. Her fingertips go lower, to his jawline, burning skin scalding her own, sharp under her touch when he softly breathes against her skin, a sound captured on the back of his throat.

“You’re stupid, you know that?” He says over her lips, making her chuckle before resting another peck on his skin, hiding her face on his neck soon after.

“What a thing to tell a girl after you’ve kissed her.”

“I could’ve been kissing you since way before this, but you had to make things complicated.” His fingers tingle against her skin, even when he’s still holding her waist above the thick hoodie, and when she pulls away, she hears him speak again, timbre low. “Still as good as you remembered it?”

“Just as good.”

“Not better?”

“You’re still very patient. I’ve always liked that.” She grasps his face in between her hands, looking into his eyes. “No one kisses like that anymore.”

“Is this the ‘getting the guy I’m dating’s ego as big as Jupiter’ challenge?”

Her eyebrows frown at his words, his lips dancing along her own once again, spine curved the slightest to join him in the middle before laughter interrupts their kiss. “Since when am I dating someone?”

“Oh, right now.” Kunhang’s confidence, ever-present, becomes apparent when he pats her ribcage. “You can’t just expect a guy not to want to date you, the most beautiful woman I’ve seen in a while, when you tell him he’s the best kiss you’ve ever had.” He shrugs. “You owe me four years of dates and kissing.”

“Okay, alright. Fair. You’ve got yourself a deal.”

“And we get to kiss on places outside a closet.” Kunhang stipulates. “I’m sweating my ass off.”

“That’s so romantic.” Sarcastically, she adds, only to hear keys dangling outside the closet.

“You guys have talked it out?” Dejun asks from the other side of the door, only to have Kunhang standing up, knocking on the door.

“Yeah.” He says, pressing his forehead to the door. “But you better open this door up before you have a talk with the foot that I’m going to put up your ass.”

“Alright. Talk time is over. Time to let the dogs out.” Dejun tells someone, presumably Chaeryeong, before he opens the door to the closet, not missing out on the way Kunhang wraps his arm around his neck and keeps him locked in place. “Ow!”

“Are you crazy?!”

“You two talked it out! I had to do it!”

“That was the stupidest idea you could have, Dejun.” She adds, crossing her arms across her chest. “You’ve now downgraded to the Dumber position in the trio.”

Or, the methods weren’t just the best…but at least, she can say one thing.

Wong Kunhang is still the best kisser she has gotten the chance to try.

#hendery scenarios #hendery #wayv scenarios #nct scenarios #nct #wayv #writing #wayv fluff #wayv angst #wayv au #nct fluff #nct angst #nct au #college!au #i don't know what else to add fdanjfndaj but i like this!

[nightswithkookmin]

Hey Goldy, i'm positive Yoongi isn't straight and has been fairly open about it from the early years. So do u think that Yoongi could've influenced Jikook (especially Jimin cuz he is very close to him) in any sort of way on their journey?

Jimin is VERY close to Yoongi

Thank you so much for this statement😭

I feel seen and heard🤧

Not a lot of Jokers out here appreciate Yoonmin's bond😭😭😭😭

The disrespect! How dare they!

In reality, Yoonmin is one of the best ships that reflects the hyung dongsaeng dynamic perfectly in BTS in my opinion- Jinkook and Yoonkook, NamTae are heavy contenders I'd say but Yoonmin is right up there with them. Love Jihope too- if they could cut down on the flirting chilee.

No JHOPE I don't want you to call Jimin sexy or look at him like you want to gobble him with a glass of Sprite- it's weird😭😭😭

But also don't stop

From Suga 'bullying' Jimin, teasing him, praising him, mentoring him, the bickering- he is the biggest PJM right next to JK and Namjoon. I said what I said.

So thank you for this. I literally cried.

Feel so good to hear someone say that.

I'm having an existential crisis at the moment and Yoonmin is what is getting me through it at the moment.

People need to stop invalidating the members' bond. Seriously. Not cool. They all have beautiful dynamics real or not.

But he's gay? 🤔

You believe Suga is gay??

Damn.

He's queer and has been pretty open about it from the beginning???

A lot of people assume that about him actually. I think it's interesting.

Did he influence Jikook, Jimin in anyway...

If by influence you mean support then yes. I think he was and has been very supportive of Jimin and JK individually and has helped them embrace and make sense of certain aspects of themselves.

I think he's more understanding than most of the challenges and difficulties of being young and uncertain of who you are growing up under public scrutiny and in a highly hostile environment.

I think he is wise beyond his age and I have a ton of love and respect for him as both a person and an artist.

I love 'People' so much...

I think the most Iconic thing he's said so far to me is this totally woke, fanservice questioning and ridiculing statement:

'I didn't want to wear the maid outfit. I was surprised when they said it's for the fans. We don't have any interest in seeing girls wear men's clothes so why does the fans want us to wear women's clothes?'

It's weird. Fanservice is weird.

My least favorite moment of his is when he admonished JK not to say things like he'd want a tattoo when he grows up because the fans wouldn't like that.

I found that very contradictory for someone who's life motto is nevermind- or is it I don't give a shit?😏

Find it equally triggering whenever he teases JK about crying too much or being a cry baby as if it's wrong for men to cry. There's nothing wrong with shedding tears. Men cry too.

Then the bit about him not wanting tattoos or just a dot on his toe or feet or something because he has things he might want to do post BTS that having a tattoo would just be an inconvenience... quite conservative I'd say.

He don't give a fuck but then he gives a fuck?

Mans gotta be a realist or I'd chalk up these inconsistencies in his values to the clash between his Persona and his real self.

To be fair, he's not the only one. That conflict plays out in almost every member's outlook.

I see Yoongi as that one person who'd say to a person, go for it but end that advice with a caveat such as, 'but understand people will hate you for it' or some truth along those lies.

He places consequences right next to desire and as long as the person is not oblivious to and can bare the consequences of their actions, decisions and choices then I think he'd ask them to go for it and stand in their truth.

That much I know is his value and I can see how that might have impacted both JM and JK. But rather than encourage them to take risks, I think he pushes them to seize opportunities and put themselves outside- there's a difference there. Their not one and the same.

More than anyone in BTS, I think he understands the gravity of being queer, closeted or being in a relationship with a bandmate in the industry they work in.

I think he is much mature enough to understand the consequences of over attachment and risks of detachment and that too plays out in the way Jikook carry themselves around in the group.

Other than that, I think he minds his business most times.

Do I think he is open minded about conversations on sexuality? Absolutely.

But that's as far as I can go on the topic.

I do not believe he is queer and I'm not convinced in anyway he is pansexual or bisexual either- don't quote his song lyrics to me I already know. Lol.

Boy or girl my tongue will send you to hongkong....

And then his interviews about what he finds attractive in women??

'... it's not limited to boys or girls?'

Lolololololololol

I think that bit was heavily misconstrued.

'I'M NOT GAY'

This was his response when he was asked to talk about moments his heart skipped because of JHOPE. Similar to moments when the members had said their they almost fell for a band mate perhaps.

Other translations of that statement he made in the interview was, 'since we are both men, how can my heart throb for a man' and then he laughs it off.

Knowing Suga, I think he probably meant that in the most ridiculing, most mocking way possible- these interviewers be asking some stupid questions sometimes.

But imagine Suga saying that with two gay members sitting right next to him in that interview and how these members would feel hearing him say that about homosexuality.

One thing about BTS, if they be making loud openly 'woke' statements, take a shovel to their past- it's usually because they've messed up somewhere and are simply acting conscious of the things they say that can come across as problematic. In my opinion.

They do learn and grow from their mistakes. That's one thing I love about BTS.

They've all had their problematic moments as I keep saying.

To me, this interview moment would be one of such said problematic moments if not one very homophobic moment of Suga's- if the translations were right I mean. chileee. Lemme shut up. Lol.

And before anyone says but JK said the same thing too...

JK had a 'fear' of coming across as Gay in his early years. Part of the reason he wanted JM on the west of his east when the cameras came around- in my opinion.

He'd stutter when similar 'gay' questions were thrown his way- prompting Jimin to ask him straight away not to answer said question when an interviewer asked him.

You pair that with some of the members describing him as 'wanting to be manly' or appear like a manly man and it's not hard to figure out what was going on with him.

He'd pause and look at JM funny when JM would describe their relationship as in between friends and romance...

Jimin had to tell him to relax and that it was normal for men to say 'love' to men without it being weird or gay.

He knew gayism was a thing. He simply didn't want to be viewed as one- either because of his own repressed homosexual desires, in which case that would be internalized homophobia or he really really didn't like being thought of as gay- homophobia.

Suga's is different.

He either genuinely didn't know gay was a thing or that some men's heart actually beat for other men- seems to me he thought the idea of a man's heart skipping for another man absurd or impossible- or dude thought he was being a smart pants with that remark. Lol.

Baring his age in mind at the time of the interview, that in anyway reflects his ideals or assumptions about sexuality. That heterosexuality is D norm. That straight is all he can be or should be thought of as- He clearly hasn't read the blogs. He's in for a rude awakening.

If JK had this ideology about sexuality I think he would have been able to hide his sexuality better and not freak out each time people made jokes about it💀

Suga's said explicitly he is attracted to gal's who wear headphones, doesn't like gals who play hard to get- said he'd kick em if they didn't quit playing hard to get (misogynistic and abusive lyrics there but it's hiphop- let's not talk about that) finds it ridiculous that men should wear female clothes, thinks 'men' shouldn't cry.... all the making of a fine gay man😃

Should we chalk it up to internalized homophobia then??

I wouldn't.

A very dedicated Sope shipper will tell you, he said what he said to cover the fact he is gay so there's that. Lol.

I'm just not convinced Suga is part of the community but I think he is open minded now, leans less into his conservative values and more towards progressive values and thoughts.

I don't think he in any way shape or form 'influenced' Jikook to be gay or to do the gay if that's what you were asking.

But I do respect your opinion on Suga. I think we are all free to assume whatever we want in this case.

I might be wrong about him. You might be wrong about him or we could all be right. We will never know.

Thanks for the ask.

Wasn't comfortable answering it though. Lol.

I don't like when I have to watch what I say.

Sigh.

Signed,

GOLDY

[whatiwillsay]

off topic - let’s talk about gaylena 👀

selena gomez is one of taylor’s oldest and bestest friends and given that she is in the 22 liner notes, a huge part of taylor’s life, and maybe fruity herself it seems like possibly we don’t talk about her here at the blog enough!

i don’t want to do a timeline of selena and taylor’s friendship - you can read more about that here, but they met back in the day when they were both dating jonas brothers and to me this idea of finding a real friendship in the midst of these contrived promances is pretty adorable.

ofc most of y’all think taylor is a fruit basket but i think there’s a good chance that selena is too!  i’m not saying she is for sure but y’all know me.  i’’m here to make a compelling case that everyone and their dog is gay so let’s gooooo! 

Part I - At least one fake rs!  

Selena “dated” Taylor Lautner in 2009 and he’s definitely gay.  Of course, that doesn’t mean she is, it could just be PR, but y’all know I gotta note everything!  We stan our fruity bffs dating the same gays 😍

Part II - Selena x cara delevingne

i feel like there’s a chance they met through taylor but everyone in that squad adjacent circle knows one another.  cara dated michelle rodriguez for the first half of 2014 and then got with annie clark in March 2015 but it feels like it’s possible something has gone on between her and Selena from summer 2014 - early 2015? ...maybe something casual on and off a bit?

August 2014 - Steamy pics surface in Saint-Tropez, France

Selena and and a freshly single Cara vacation together in part to celebrate Selena’s 22nd birthday.

They party together and look cozy!

Pictures such as this surface and spark rumors around the two:

Selena apparently loves the rumors and gushes about being shipped with Cara.

Quote:

You say Selena drag queens were the true measure of success for you. But isn’t it true that you’re not truly famous until you’ve been the subject of a gay rumor? And last year, the tabloids had a field day with photos of you and Cara Delevingne. I’ve made it!

How did you react to those rumors? Honestly, I loved it. I didn’t mind it. Especially because they weren’t talking about other people in my life for once, which was wonderful. Honestly, though, she’s incredible and very open and she just makes me open. She’s so fun and she’s just extremely adventurous, and sometimes I just want that in my life, so I didn’t mind it. I loved it.

Notice she doesn’t deny them?  Now of course she could just be being cool, if she freaked out about it that might be even weirder but hey, it’s still kind of interesting.

Then she admits to questioning her sexuality???

Have you ever questioned your sexuality? Oh, I think everybody does, no matter who they are. I do, yeah, of course. Absolutely. I think it’s healthy to gain a perspective on who you are deep down, question yourself and challenge yourself; it’s important to do that.

(Selena btw, this is cool and all, but not everybody questions their sexuality, maybe you’re just gay 👀)

November 1 - LACMA Art + Film Gala 

they even left the event together 👀

and they hung out earlier that day as well:

They were seen the next day partying for Kendall Jenner’s bday singing to her:

a few weeks later Cara tweets Selena’s lyrics!

In December 2014 they are travelling together in texas:

in january 2015 they get cozy at the golden globes together!

and they leave together again:

January 19th/20th a bunch of gay nonsense happens

They post this gay shit with matching shoes and linked fingers:

then they say this to one another:

Enty says they were hooking up!

then we don’t get any more content that i can find for about six months! perhaps they had a fling from summer 2014-jan 2015 and then it ends, Cara gets with Annie in March?  Then after half a year apart Selena and Cara resume a friendly relationship?  Perhaps!  Selena is seen with Justin a bit off and on during this time but this was in their Style/Heat Death Era imo (tbh i probably shouldn’t give a hetty pairing including Justin that designation 🤢but y’all get what I’m saying - it’s fully possible Selena was hooking up with both of them!

Now I’m not super familiar with Selena’s discography so y’all lmk if I’m missing anything major - lyric wise that point to her not being straight.

Selena’s album Revival that comes out after this relationship has a few songs with some vibes, even though I get the feeling a lot of it is probably about Justin, allow me to reach.  The title track could be translated as someone coming to terms with their sexuality (among other things):

I feel like I've awakened lately The chains around me are finally breaking I've been under self-restoration I've become my own salvation Showing up, no more hiding, hiding The light inside me is bursting, shining It's my, my, my time to butterfly

Good for you, imo, is too sexy to be about a man even if it’s not super queer lyrically it’s a vibe ok?

Me & My Girls might be a bestie anthem a la 22 (oh wait, no 22 was gay too) but I mean...could be about a girl gang of lesbians too!

And if we want it, we take it If we need money, we make it Nobody knows if we fake it You like to watch while we shake it I know we're making you thirsty You want us all in the worst way But you don't understand I don't need a man 

Quinn Fabray indeed!

Nobody feels probably like a retrospective on Justin 🙄but...there is a hint of sapphic craving in there!  Saying this particular lover loves them differently than everyone is a bit 👀 plus this stanza:

No oxygen, can barely breathe My darkest sin, you've raised release And it's all because of you, all because of you And I don't know what it is, but you've pulled me in No one compares, could ever begin To love me like you do And I wouldn't want them to

Is Perfect about some bitch Justin started dating?  Probably but bear with me here this song is actually pretty fucking gay.  Gay enough that I’m gonna add it to one of my gay playlists.  Could this song actually be about Cara moving on to Annie?

Ooh, and I bet she has it all Bet she's beautiful like you, like you And I bet she's got that touch Makes you fall in love, like you, like you

I can taste her lipstick and see her laying across your chest I can feel the distance every time you remember her fingertips Maybe I should be more like her Maybe I should be more like her I can taste her lipstick, it's like I'm kissing her, too And she's perfect And she's perfect

Part III - Selena x Julia Michaels

Julia Michaels is a singer/songwriter known for her song Issues.  I don’t know her sexuality but she at the least has gay vibes!  It seems they met around this time perhaps because Julia wrote on Revival.

They have a friendly enough friendship for a few years, liking one another’s posts on IG from time to time, posing for a photo a time or two and then they seem to get swept up into this very intense friendship in 2019.  They write some music together and Julia goes whole hog in promoting the shoe brand Selena is hawking this time 😭

2019 - The Superior Sapphic Jelena Timeline:

It starts, for some reason with a lot of shoe promotion:

chill, chill

more shoes

but more gayness?

this homo shit

ok...

Then we go into the REALLY GAY NOVEMBER OF 2019:

Then they perform together:

And...actually kiss...on the mouth on stage???

Sure it’s just a peck but still...if that were a guy people would say they were dating.  

Somehow kissing on the mouth isn’t the gayest thing these girls do over this period because these fucking dykes got matching tattoos.  I’ve read enough Larry blogs to know this actually means they’re secretly married.  All jokes aside this is fruity behavior. 

From their IG stories:

Selena gets Julia a very nice christmas gift:

Covid sets in and content drops off but god damn!  It’s possible they just had an intense friendship but if a man and a woman collabed on music together, kissed in public, and got matching tattoos everyone would say they were dating!

Selena, as far as I can find, didn’t have any public boyfriends around this time so who are some of these love songs about?

Rare comes out in January 2020 and perhaps has some gayish songs?

Don’t tell me why but boyfriend lowkey, has a gay vibe.  Don’t ask me to explain it but it’s just the musicality of it.

Crowded Room could be a love song for Julia?  (or by Julia for Selena, since they’re collaborators?)

Baby, it's just me and you Baby, it's just me and you Just us two Even in a crowded room Baby, it's just me and you, yeah

These are general gay vibes, our secret moments in a crowded room tease

It started polite, out on thin ice 'Til you came over to break it I threw you a line and you were mine

It would have started out polite between them, since they worked together for years before whatever 2019 was happened.  And throwing someone a line first of all makes Selena sound like the aggressor but also “throwing someone a line” could be a reference to writing songs together.

Yeah, I was afraid, but you made it safe I guess that is our combination Said you feel lost, well, so do I So won't you call me in the morning? I think that you should call me in the morning If you feel the same, 'cause

Lots of people are afraid at the beginning of a gay rs.  Treacherous tease 👀

In summation!

Selena does gay stuff like fantasizing ab kissing other women in her music, getting very touchy with famous dykes on vacay, hangs out with Taylor Swift, has chronic mental health issues, dated a jonas brother and a twilight gay, has admitted to questioning her sexuality, and loves being shipped with women.  Is she gay?  I don’t know!   But all she’s missing from her celesbian bingo card is a suspiciously intense friendship with a Glee Cast member! What do you guys think?  Selena fruity or just weird?

Edit to add: so apparently I missed an entire ship and Selena supposedly acted really gay all the time with her backup dancer Charity Baroni.  Exposing SMG has posted a lot about all that.

Also Selena has been cast in a gay role! edit to add: @bisluthq went and found this for me - julia is indeed a fruit queen

#selena gomez #gaylena #taylena #gossip #cara delevingne #julia michaels #lesbian #sapphic #of interest #taylor's fruity friends

[everything-laito]

Might be my longest Laito analysis yet... and it’s about Hilde. Buckle up fellas, this is a ride.

I’m gonna get straight to the point:

who is Hilde? 

For those of you who don’t know, Hilde is a maid that shows up in Laito’s past in his More Blood route. I’m not sure if she pops up in any future games (I’m saving dark fate later this year), so correct me if I’m wrong. (And if she does show up, I will add to this when I have experienced the other scenarios. I know I can read translations but that’s just half of the fun and the game haha) 

Full essay analysis under the cut!

Hilde is not just Laito’s maid. She’s one of his various yet early (I would say she’s his first) “victims,” after his experiences with his mother. This was also during the whole Cordelia situation when she was “giving him her ‘Love’” anyways.

Let’s start off with an excerpt of Laito’s beautiful yet tragic monologue from MB Dark Prologue; which is from a flashback of his. Thanks to @/akuichansera for the translations! (I want to do an entire analysis on this monologue alone but that is for another time!) 

However, it’s cliché Why am I forcing love? This certain feeling calls out to me, Does that mean I’m satisfied? If that’s the case, then that’s very degrading. Only to fall silent when given a kiss. Ahh, because the words were forced out My chest burns. I wonder what this bad feeling could be. Perhaps, should I be Expecting this sort of thing? There’s no medicine that can cure this, I can’t help saying that it’s foolish.

Where this falls in the timeline is mere speculation, but I believe it is a bit after when Laito and Cordelia’s “”“relationship””” was in full swing, once he was out of the dungeon (from HDB). Throughout this whole prologue, Laito feels immensely confused. It’s definitely apparent in his monologue and the tone of his inner thoughts. They’re soft, pretty much apprehensive too; nothing like his excited, flirtatious lilts. 

Initially, I was gonna go off a lot more. I deleted a huge chunk here because I believe it was more than enough to have a separate tangent. So I’m gonna get right to the point: Laito has so maaaaany issues because of Cordelia and his upbringing. I almost went into depth with them and got ahead of myself, but that’s digressing a ton. Anyways. Hilde.

Basically what I was going to explain in depth (and will another time) can be summed up by: 

Cordelia has power over Laito (which is something all abusive relationships have in common)

Laito feels powerless (implied by his tones and his general thinking and monologue)

Laito needs to fill in that power gap (this is why some people who have been victims of abuse end up being the abuser in another relationship) 

Then Hilde just falls into Laito’s lap (more like trap) at just the time he’s feeling that powerlessness. Laito wants to “regain” power, or feel in a powerful position, so he starts to take it out on Hilde. He uses the same techniques that Cordelia uses, but on Hilde; saying that he “loves her.” It’s kinda implied that Hilde was Laito’s first ‘victim’ through this quote when he first meets Hilde: 

Laito: (It’s convenient to say the words I love you. It has a lot of power) Hey, what about you? Do you love me… …?

Hilde: T-this is… …awkward… …

Laito: I see… …Well… …being in the same bed as me… …must feel good to you.

This shows Laito’s hesitance towards this, and the whole scene in his Dark Prologue feels like him experimenting with this whole power complex giving his inner monologue. He’s rationalizing his feelings in his head in these monologues too:

――Since it feels pleasant, does that mean it’s good? The expression of love in this form, Is extremely trivial. These words are full of lies.

He knows he’s lying, he knows the power words hold; Laito’s still very perceptive, he’s just a bit messed up in his noggin. On top of that, there’s even more juicy details about the inner workings of this man in the Dark Epilogue. This is also why I believe that Hilde was Laito’s first ‘victim.’ Mainly because of this line: 

Laito: (… … I don’t like this for some reason) (I can’t get used to “loving” another person’s body)

Laito initially hates what he’s doing. I honestly never expected to read a line confirming that, but they really did. It also further supports my claim of Laito using Hilde as more of an “experiment.” He saw and experienced how happy his mom gets by doing this, he’s seen her do this with Richter and multiple other men too. He wants to feel that too, not because he enjoys it but because he wants to heal himself, whether it’s conscious or subconscious. 

I believe I’ve discussed how much Laito projects onto Yui like Cordelia did to him, and this happens with Hilde too. Here’s another excerpt: 

Laito: (Ahh ahh, how boring… … It’s less fun when she doesn’t resist) Sigh… …

Hilde: Laito-sama?

Laito: That’s enough.

Hilde: Laito-sama!!

Laito: I’m going to bed soon. Will you leave?

Hilde: Gah… …!? We always sleep together though… …why?

Laito: Be quiet… …

Hilde: Eh… …?

Laito: Fufu… …quickly now. If you don’t… … I’ll kick you out.

Hilde: Laito-sama… …Aah!?

*Laito Takes Hilde Out/ Hilde Pounds on Door*

Hilde: Agha… …Laito-sama! Laito-sama!!

This concludes the Dark epilogue. We don’t see any more of Hilde afterwards to my knowledge. Despite her showing up in two scenes, we get so much out of Laito than Yui’s scenarios combined. That’s why she’s so immensely important to Laito’s character. In addition, this also starts Laito’s obsession with ‘liking it when his victims resist’. Since there’s already so much evidence of Laito mimicking Cordelia’s tactics, it can be heavily deducted that Cordelia also liked it when Laito resisted. Which god, that’s so freakin tragic. Adding onto that, Laito gets bored with Hilde once, and then Laito just brushes her aside. This would most likely parallel what Cordelia did to Laito with Richter and other men. It’s sick. It’s twisted. And it’s just like how you would expect Dialovers to be. And that’s why you shouldn’t overlook Hilde’s character. 

I think this might be my longest rant yet, so thanks for sticking out this long if you did. I have more analysis on the #analysis tag on this blog, whether it be from me or other people I reblogged. But thanks for reading! If you have any thoughts you’d like to add, feel free to go in the DMs, ask box, or simply reblog! 

Ciao! -Corn

#analysis #diabolik lovers #dialover #dialovers #dl #Laito sakamaki #sakamaki laito #raito sakamaki #sakamaki raito #逆巻ライト #dear god im a month late #I've been so busy with school and all and I have a test tonight oops its fine lol #I wanted to do this so badly #diabolik lovers analysis

[iamafxsh]

week 6 - w/c march 1st

march 2nd 2021

Now, I’m piggybacking this off this post here but @janamelie (who writes wonderful Red Dwarf posts), and specifically the pat pertaining to the episode Terrorform, a wonderful but rather tragic episode for Rimmer.

The whole post is wonderful and thought it best to give credit since it got me on this train of thought, and pertains to the entire post, but in the original post, they show a quote from the show that follows:

RIMMER: Why’re you all looking at me like that?  Like, as if this is all my fault  Have you any idea what kind of day I’ve had?  I’ve been kidnapped, stripped, oiled, menaced, manacled, licked, nibbled, chained, tortured, humiliated, and I nearly had a knobbly thing the size and shape of a Mexican agave cactus jammed up where only customs men dare to probe.

Now, that’s a lot, but what I want to focus on is that last but, about having something *ahem* shoved inside of him. Not pleasant by any nature, but it’s important to note that yes, he is being tortured, but he’s being tortured by his own self-loathing, and so it would make sense that he would eb tortured with things that invoke a feeling of self hatred, and clearly the “knobbly thing” is, well, you get the idea.

So clearly, being queer, in the sense that he is a man and is also into men to whatever extent you wish to take that, is clearly something that shames him and drives him to self hatred.

My first post on this blog what specifically about Rimmer and his queer identity - post here - and this just adds to that. So much of him reads queer, and on so many levels, and I can’t possibly write full, detailed pieces on all these reasons - though perhaps on day honestly, who knows - but it’s amazing to see so many other people pick up on it.

Terrorform as a whole, and surprisingly a lot of season V, just give a lot more the the “Rimmer is queer” narrative - do we really need to discuss Demons and Angels?

Actually yes, let’s do that because I think about this a lot. Clearly, their intentions with Rimmer in this episode was not to have him across as queer - though I will say sometimes I just wonder if the people involved were utterly blind to what they were doing, or if some knew and some didn’t, I don’t know - however, with the costuming of Low Rimmer specifically here, he reads more queer than anyone and anything else seen in the show to that date.

I very much believe the intention was one we see often in Hollywood and we’ve come to know as “queer-coded villains.” I imagine, as I haven’t done full, extensive research, that this coding comes from this: as a society, men should be physically strong and hyper masculine, and being queer adds a level of femininity straight men don’t have, and therefore if the straight, hyper masculine man is the hero, as he always is, the “other,” the effeminate man, must therefore contrast that and be the villain. I don’t know if that’s accurate, but that’s what I think.

And I think that was the intention with Low Rimmer, to have him embody those queer-coded villain stereotypes. Now Red Dwarf riffs on standard stereotypes anyway, so I’m not saying it was an unintentional thing they did - I imagine they were aware of the stereotype when writing and decided to play with it, no malice intended - but it’s still interesting.

Of course, Rimmer reads queer in many aspects and across multiple versions at that - Low Rimmer of course, but also High Rimmer, BTL Rimmer to an extent to, and Ace, to name a few - and honestly, I find it so interesting.

(I happen to wonder, when I talk to my father about these sorts of things, that if I laid out all this evidence, would he still be blind to it? Because if so, then at that point it’s just stubbornness to acknowledge what is right there; it may not have been the intention to have Rimmer read queer, but there is so much so say he is.)

#red dwarf #rimmer #terrorform #demons and angels #low rimmer #queer coding

[captainsolare]

Summary: Hitoshi Shinso, manager of Open Mic coffee shop, is part of a Lonely Hearts Club, a club where you place ads in the newspaper to meet potential partners. You and Shinso have been corresponding via letters for months, falling for each other even though you have never met, nor have any idea as to what you look like. When you walk into the very coffee shop he works at, looking for a job, will you find a rival, or a soulmate? 

Word Count: 8,921

Tags: SheLovesMe AU , Coffeeshop AU, Quirkless AU , f!reader, enemies to lovers 

Characters: Y/N, Shinso, Midoriya, Denki, Mina, Hizashi Yamada (Present Mic), Shouta Aizawa (Eraserhead)

A/N: This was a huge labor of love for me, I adapted my favorite musical into a BNHA Coffee shop AU and I enjoyed every second of it. I decided to post this today (Oct. 6th) to celebrate my 5 month anniversary of becoming a writing blog. I hope you enjoy it! This is not a direct copy of the musical, I took a lot of the plot points out of my adapted story line and added things of my own of course. There are a few direct quotes from the musical embedded in here! 

TW:  If you watch the original musical, there are mentions of attempted suicide. In my written adaptation, that is not included because it is a subplot and irrelevant.

Anyways, I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I did creating it. Special thanks to @library-of-grimoires​ for helping me brainstorm ideas for which BNHA character I chose. 

--------

The air was warm with the last dregs of summer, a slight breeze stirring the air. Mina and Kaminari were outside the Open Mic coffee shop, getting ready to open up for the day. A delivery boy sped past on his bike, ringing the bell with a wave. Mina waved at him, taking a break from cleaning the outer windows. Denki was sweeping the sidewalk, but stopped to wipe his brow. “You know, we should totally skip work today and go on a picnic or something.” Mina smiled and stretched, “I know right! The weather feels amazing today.” 

Shinso and Midoriya came strolling up, overhearing their friends’ conversation. Shinso chuckled, “Too bad Aizawa would kill us if we did.” Midoriya nodded in agreement and Denki hung his head, “Yeah, you’re right.” Shinso went inside, surveying the progress Mina and Denki had already made. The chairs were placed at the tables, the counter was clean, the fridge was stocked, Midoriya flipped the sign on the door to, “Open,” and they braced themselves for the morning rush. 

When things finally slowed down, Shinso leaned on the counter, being the manager of this shop wasn’t easy, but luckily he had something to get him through the tough days. He absentmindedly brought his hand to his apron pocket, the letter from his “Dear friend” was there, its presence almost comforting. “Thinking about your, “friend” again?” Denki asked, the air quotes conveying exactly what he thought of the situation. Shinso smiled lazily at him, “And if I am?” Denki frowned, “Did she at least include a photo this time? Have you set a date to meet yet?” Shinso stood up, “No. And no.” 

Aizawa came down from the upstairs loft with a frown, “Less chatting, more coffee making!” He yelled, before strolling out the front door. “Yes sir!” Everyone called after him. Hizashi padded down the stairs after him, “Oh ignore him, he’s in a grumpy mood today. The man never gets enough sleep at night.” Hizashi soon directed his attention on Shinso and he cringed, knowing what was coming. “So, Hitoshi, when are you going to settle down? You’ve been a bachelor for way too long.” Shinso stammered out some excuse, but luckily a delivery boy arrived, interrupting the awkward conversation. “Ooh! They’re here!” Hizashi exclaimed, clapping his hands excitedly. 

“What’s here?” Midoriya asked, observing the piles of boxes arriving that they’d need to unpack. “Why, only the best thing ever!” Hizashi exclaimed, opening one of the boxes and pulling out a black leather box. He opened it and a happy little tune played, Hizashi’s smile widening as it played. After the tune stopped, there was silence, “Okay, that’s great sir. But what is it for?” Denki asked. “To hold things!” He exclaimed, as if it were obvious. “But, will anyone buy them?” Shinso asked. 

Hizashi laughed outright at that, “You’ll see! These will be selling like hotcakes.” He caught sight of Shinso’s quirked eyebrow and smirked. ��I’ll make you a bet kid, I bet we’ll sell our first one within 1 hour.” Hizashi emphasized one by sticking a finger in his face, Shinso backed up, hands raised in defense, “I really don’t want to take your money, sir.” 

“Oh I see, the coward doesn’t want to lose his money.” Mina teased, piping up from where she was restocking the cabinets. Shinso bristled at her comment, “Alright, you’re on!” One by one customers trailed in, and each time, Hizashi tried to get them to buy his musical “holding boxes.” Each time, he was unsuccessful, leaving Shinso with a big smile on his face. 

Hizashi had to go to the upstairs loft for a moment, and Shinso checked his watch. Only 10 minutes left. The front door chimed and Shinso stood up straight, “Hello ma’am, can I get you anything today?”

You glanced at him, a nervous expression on your face. “No.” You said. Shinso was slightly taken aback, “Uh… Okay.” You stood there, a blank expression on your face for a moment, Shinso started to turn away, needing to attend to something when you seemingly snapped out of it. “Oh actually yes.” Shinso smoothed his apron and turned back to face you, plastering a smile on his face, “Okay, would you like a tea?” “No.” You replied. 

One by one he went through all the items on the menu, and you said no to all of them. “Pardon me, but that’s,” Shinso paused awkwardly, “everything on the menu.” He shot a glance at Midoriya, hoping his coworker could offer some semblance of help, but he only shrugged his shoulders and began helping the next customer that came in. “Is Mr. Aizawa here by chance? Or Mr. Yamada?” You asked, gripping the handle of your bag with what looked like white knuckle strength. 

Shinso cocked his head, “Maybe, I think they’re upstairs.” You looked hopeful at his words, standing up a little taller, but your hopes were dashed when he finished, “But, they’re both very busy today.” “Oh,” You said, crestfallen, “I don’t mind waiting!” You said, striding over to one of the nearby tables and sitting down, Shinso came out from behind the counter to follow you. “May I ask why you need to speak with them? As the manager, I can take a message.” You shook your head adamantly, “I’d rather speak with them directly if possible.” You clenched your hands together awkwardly, playing with your fingers. Shinso let out a small, almost inaudible sigh, “Okay, can I ask your name at least?” “L/N! Y/N L/N.” You replied. “Okay Ms. L/N, I’ll go tell them you’re here.” 

Shinso started to leave, motioning to Midoriya that he’d be back soon, but you stopped him by tapping his shoulder. He stiffened at the sudden contact but turned to face you with a smile on his face, Oh the joys of customer service. “Yes ma’am?” He asked. You cocked your head to the side, demeanor as awkward as when you first walked in, “One more thing, you’re still, hiring right?” You asked. Shinso narrowed his eyes, “Are you… looking for a job?” 

You put your hands up, “Guilty as charged!” You admitted, chuckling a little. Shinso pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes, Seriously? I’m not even in charge of hiring. A job? In this economy? Shinso began to walk away once more, as more customers were entering the shop and he needed to actually do his job. “I’m a great barista!” You called after him, there was no way you were missing this chance. “I know coffee like nobody’s business! I even have a letter of recommendation.” Denki made eye contact with Shinso, gesturing that he had the new customers covered and so he turned back to you. “A letter of recommendation? For a coffee shop gig?” He asked. You nodded, muttering to yourself as you rummaged around in your bag for your letter. You kept putting item after item into his arms, only serving to get him even more annoyed than he already was. What the heck is this girl’s problem? Suddenly it was like a lightbulb went off as you remembered where you had actually put the letter, you reached into your back pocket and pulled it out, “Aha! Here it is!” You looked at Shinso and seeing his look of irritation, sheepishly held your bag open so he could put your things back inside. He unceremoniously did so and gritted his teeth, “Look, I’m sure you’re wonderful. And I’m sure that letter is really something, but the truth is, we aren’t hiring right now.” 

Your face fell, “What? But I saw on the website that---” At that moment, Aizawa appeared, “What’s going on here Shinso?” He asked, eyes flicking between the two of you, “Perhaps I can be of assistance.” Shinso put his hand on his hip smugly, “She wants a job.” He said, gesturing towards you with his thumb. “What?!” Aizawa exclaimed, taken aback, “Out of the question.” He began to walk away from you, people seemed to be doing that a lot to you lately, but you followed him, trying to stand up for yourself and give him the letter. 

You looked around desperately, looking for any chance to prove yourself. Your eyes zeroed in on the back wall display, a woman was looking at a leather box. You strode over, confidence renewed, “Aren’t these just wonderful?” You piped up, smiling at the woman. She glanced at you, “I suppose so, but what are they for?” You sent Shinso a panicked glance but he simply shook his head, not willing to help you in this situation. You shake off his rejection and turned back to the customer, stretching your hands out to her. She placed the box in your hands, watching to see what you’d do with it. 

You opened the box and the tune began to play, “Why, it’s a musical jewelry box of course!” You said with a smile. Shinso blinked, A musical jewelry box? Seriously? The woman tipped her head, “A musical jewelry box? Why would I need one of those?” You studied her for a moment, eyes drawn to her engagement ring. “Pardon me for asking ma’am, but do you by chance have a partner at the moment?” The woman nodded with a smile, glancing down at her ring. “And you like jewelry?” The woman nodded once more. Your face brightened with a smile, “Well, this is perfect for you! If you buy this box, your partner will have no choice but to buy you jewelry to put in it.” 

Shinso watched this exchange with a roll of his eyes, shoving down the fear that maybe he’d lose his bet. “And the tune?” You continued, “Whenever your partner hears it, they’ll know how much you appreciate the gifts they gave you. Just imagine the smile on their face, all because of this box.” Hizashi came downstairs near the end of this exchange, watching with a smirk on his face. “I’ll take it!” The woman says. Shinso chokes as Hizashi practically cheers at the sale. He rushes down the stairs grabbing your hands and saying, “You’re hired!” Shinso’s jaw drops, “What?!” 

Shinso stood there, dumbstruck at the whole situation. Hizashi snapped him out of it with a tap to his shoulder, “Now Shinso, if you please.” He said, extending his hand. Shinso grumbled while he fumbled in his pockets for the money they had bet. He watched you conversing with your new coworkers and he grumbled once more, the irritation bubbling within him. “I’m taking my break.” He muttered, strolling out the front door and heading to a nearby bench. He wasn’t one to smoke, but if he was, there would definitely be a cigarette in his hand. 

His sun was dulled by your shadow as you stood in front of him awkwardly; he lazily opened an eye and looked in your direction. “Can I help you?” He asked, coming off a little harsher than he intended. You rocked back and forth from your heels, to the balls of your feet, “I’m sorry for making you lose your bet.” He cocked an eyebrow, “That’s all? I don’t care.” He stood up and smoothed his apron, then returned to the coffee shop, leaving you standing there alone. You clenched your fist, Ugh! The nerve of this guy! 

Fall came, and with it a sense of new opportunity, and more letters. You had yours tucked in your pocket, ready to be taken to the post office after work; you walked in the door with a smile, “Happy October!” Midoriya groaned, “October? That means our seasonal drinks will be here soon.” Mina seemed to be getting a flashback to some terrible event as she shuddered, “Pumpkin Spice season.” 

You soon learned just how terrible ‘Pumpkin Spice season’ truly was, those days you could never quite catch your breath. Your relationship with Shinso was still rocky, but during the hectic days when he could see you were struggling he seemed to be a bit kinder to you. You went to a nearby restaurant on your lunch break and pulled out the letter you had received from Dear Friend, you felt your heart skip a beat as you held it, you had only picked it up this morning so you hadn’t gotten the chance to read it yet. 

Dear Friend, 

I hope this letter finds you well, you are my only source of peace these days. Everywhere I look I find something else that annoys me, and work is as hectic as ever, it’s always worse during this season, but things just feel harder. I find solace in your letters though, I can always count on you to bring a smile to my face. I’m glad to hear that your new job is going well, I hope that one coworker you’re having issues with sees how wonderful you truly are. 

Talk soon, 

Your friend. 

You felt your heart swell as you read it, and you sighed dreamily as you held the letter to your chest. There was something familiar about the scent coming off of the pages, but you couldn’t quite place it. Denki joined you at your table, jolting you from your daydreaming and you jumped. “What’s that?” He asked, curious as to the papers you were holding. You quickly tucked them away in your bag, “Oh it’s nothing! A friend of mine sent me a letter. I love getting letters, don’t you?” Denki shrugged as he took a bite of his sandwich, “I guess so, but isn’t it easier to send a text message?” 

November was soon upon you, and there was tension in the air. Shinso had been even more on edge than usual, and your fighting was worse than ever. You were on your lunch break with Mina when you decided to bring it up with her. “Hey Mina?” You asked, looking across to the pink girl. “Yeah, what’s up? Something on your mind?” You leaned on your elbow and sighed, playing absentmindedly with your straw wrapper. “I just, I just feel like Shinso just doesn’t like me very much. Ever since I came here, he hasn’t been nice to me at all.” You lamented. Mina chewed on her lip thoughtfully, “Well, if you want my opinion on things, from an outsider’s perspective, it seems like you haven’t been very nice to him either. Have you considered his feelings about it? Whenever you see each other it’s like two magnets repelling.” 

Her words stung in a way you had no idea they would, she was right, you really hadn’t considered his feelings about your treatment of him. You tapped your finger on the table, considering her words and what you could do to be the bigger person in all this. “Thanks Mina, that’s very helpful.” 

The next morning, you arrived to work early and helped Shinso without being asked. Shinso was surprised at your behavior, he supposed he should have just accepted it as kindness but there was something in him, the suspicious part of him that made him feel annoyed instead. First, you were helping him sweep, then you were sorting things that he normally sorted, then you were offering to stay late so he didn’t have to. Finally he’d had enough, “Do you think I can’t do my job or something? What’s your problem today?” He asked, words injected with venom, hands on his hips. Tears burned in the back of your eyes, “I-I didn’t think that at all. I just thought--” 

“Thought what? That I needed your help? Even though I’ve been at this job way longer than you have?” He interrupted. You didn’t bother to reply, just grabbed your bag and stormed off into the night, not willing to let him see your tears. Midoriya and Mina stared. “That was, highly uncalled for man.” Midoriya said, before returning to sweeping. Mina walked out after you, but not before sending a scathing glare Shinso’s way. Midoriya finished sweeping and left; Shinso was still frozen in place, left alone in the empty coffee shop.

The next day, Shinso received your letter and it felt like he had failed you, well, Dear Friend. As he read it, he replayed the scene of you walking out into the night, and was filled with regret. I should, apologize. 

Dear Friend, 

I think this week I will try to be kinder. Too often I have not considered the consequences of my words and actions and as a result, people I care about have gotten hurt. So this week I am going to try on kindness. I challenge you to do the same.

Talk soon,

Your Friend  

December came, and like the cold weather you met his apology with stony silence. As time passed, you retained a professional work relationship, though barbed words were still tossed between you, they were less sharp than before. Shinso was outside, reading a paper of some kind when you walked up to him. “Good Morning Shinso!” You said, warmly. Shinso glanced at you and made a big show of checking his watch, “Ah, Ms. L/N, I see you’re on time today. Congratulations!” He replied, a fake smile plastered on his face. You returned his fake smile, “So sorry to disappoint you Shinso.” 

You headed for the door but he put an arm out to stop you, “Oh but I’m not disappointed, far from it. Let’s call it… surprised.” He chuckles and you chuckle too, but yours served to mock him. Instead of gracing him with a reply, you entered the shop and slammed the door before you could follow him through it. 

Denki and Midoriya were sweeping the walk and cleaning the windows, watching the exchange with a mixture of confusion and amusement. “They always argue, why is that?” Denki asked, looking up at his coworker. Midoriya glanced down at him, “Oh it’s simple really. Sometimes when two people like each other very much---” “Wait wait wait! They like each other?” Midoriya nodded, “I think so.” Denki cocked his head to the side, “Well don’t you think we should tell them?” Midoriya stepped off the stepladder with a laugh, “Trust me, they’d never believe us.” 

A week passed, and you were at home, reading and rereading your letter from Dear Friend.  

Dear Friend, 

Have you set your calendar for Tuesday? I can’t wait to meet you, I feel as though I already know your soul, and I can’t wait to match a face to what I already know.

See you soon, 

Your friend 

You squealed and held the letter to your chest, collapsing back on your bed. I can’t believe I get to meet him tonight! You rolled over and glanced at the clock, Perfect, still plenty of time to get to work. You got ready for the day, nervous as you had ever been, you changed outfits dozens of times, wanting to look perfect for this life-changing date, finally you settled on an outfit, dressy but not too dressy, but it still looked good as hell on you if you did say so yourself. You glanced at your clock, “Crap! I’m late.” 

Shinso sat in the upstairs of the coffee shop, reading your letter over and over. 

Dear Friend, 

I’m waiting warmly for our date, even though it’s quite cold out these days. Until then, I count the hours until I’m with you.

See you soon, 

Your friend 

His heart was nearly beating out of his chest, and he had a goofy smile on his face. “Hot date tonight?” Aizawa asked, causing his cheeks to turn a deep shade of red. “Th-that’s none of your business sir!” Aizawa chuckled, “So that’s a yes then, it’s about time. I hope it goes well.” 

You rushed into the shop, smoothing your clothes once you were inside. “Good morning Y/N!” Mina said warmly, smiling at you. You waved breathlessly, “Am I terribly late? Has Shinso noticed yet.” “No and no. He’s upstairs right now.” You felt yourself instantly relax, having him lecture you on a day as important as this one was something you didn’t think you could handle. “By the way, you look stunning today babe!” Mina said, wrapping her arms around you for a quick hug. You smiled and took a step back, doing a spin for good measure. “You really think so?” “We do! Right boys?” She said, gesturing for Denki and Midoriya to compliment you as well. 

They chorused their agreement and your smile grew wider. “Thank you all, I was so nervous it took me forever to get dressed this morning. Which is why I’m so late.” You grimaced. Denki surfaced from behind the counter. “Oh? I know what that means. Our little Y/N is in love. And you’re meeting with them tonight!” Denki said, elbowing your side and waggling his eyebrows. Midoriya rolled his eyes, “And how would you know that?” Mina looked at him with wide eyes, “Oh didn’t you hear? Denki is our resident expert in love. Which is quite remarkable considering that he’s never been in it.” Mina teased, sticking her tongue out at the blonde. 

Shinso came down the stairs and you stiffened, bracing yourself to be yelled at, but he simply said good morning and walked right past you to go behind the counter. Your eyes widened and you leaned in close to Mina. “He didn’t yell at me. What’s wrong with him today?” You whispered. Mina shrugged, “Dunno. He has seemed pretty preoccupied by something today though.” 

“Dammit!” Shinso yells as he spills whipped cream all over his shirt. Denki quickly heads back to where he is and helps him clean up. “Dude, what’s up with you today? You’re so nervous I can feel you vibrating.” Shinso’s hands shake as he wipes off the whipped topping, “Well, you know, big day haha.” Denki quirks an eyebrow, “Big day? What’s up?” Shinso wrings his hands nervously, “Well, I’m meeting her tonight.” Denki gasps, “The letter girl!” Shinso claps his hand over Denki’s mouth and nods, looking around and praying that no one heard his outburst. 

The two headed upstairs where they could speak more privately. “So… Face to face at last.” Denki says, a lazy smile on his face. Shinso nods as he paces back and forth. Denki sighs, “Well, I tell you what, I hope she’s everything you’ve dreamed her to be.” Shinso leans back against the railing, looking up at the ceiling, “Can I be honest with you Denki? I hope she isn’t.” Denki looked up sharply, a judging look on his face. “Because,” he continued, “If she’s as beautiful, or as smart, or as funny as I think she is, then what will she think of me?” 

“Can I be honest with you? I think it’ll go just fine; because you’re smart, and you’re funny and handsome, not as handsome as me of course, but still handsome. And if she can’t see that, it’s her loss.” Shinso shot him a look at the handsome part but still let a small smile cross his face. “Sorry man, I’m just nervous and upset. We’ve never met and I get to meet her, tonight, at eight.” He kneaded his forehead, “Geez, I can already feel how much of a nightmare today is going to be,” He looked at his watch, “Oh lucky me, 3 more minutes, 2 more seconds, 10 more hours to go!” 

Downstairs, you and Mina were stocking the shelves with holiday items. “So... “ Mina nudged you. You hummed in response,” Your hot date tonight, what’re they like? I want to know everything!” Your hand came to a stop near the shelf, “Well, the truth is, I’ve never met him.” Mina gasps, “Never? So this is a blind date?” You shook your head, “No. I know him, we’ve just never met.” You and Mina continued to stock the shelves as you talked. “How can that be?” She asked. 

You turned to her with a smile, “Letters, so many letters.” Mina widened her eyes, “You belong to a Lonely Heart’s Club?!” You closed your eyes and nodded, embarrassed. “To be perfectly honest with you, I was just as surprised as you are. But, I saw his ad in the paper and we started talking.” Mina looked at you skeptically, “What if he’s like old?” You shook your head, “Don’t be silly, the advertisement says ‘young man.’” 

“You haven’t even asked for a photo?” Mina asked, flabbergasted as you shook your head once more. You sat back on your knees and looked at her, “I don’t know his name or what he looks like, but really I don’t need those things. I know what he looks like on the inside and that’s what's important. I know that he’s kind, and soft-spoken, and nice, and terribly well-educated. And he was often the only thing that made me smile on the hard days. That’s what matters to me,” You stretched, “I wasn’t sure about this whole thing at first, but somehow, somehow he made me fall for him through words alone.” 

Mina smiled as she stood, “Well I hope things work out tonight.” She helped you stand, and you stepped back to admire your work. You were in the middle of high-fiving when Shinso came down the stairs. “Hey everyone! Aizawa wants us to stay late to put up Holiday decorations.” Your heart dropped, “Um, Shinso? I can’t.” He gawked at you, “And why not?” You put your hands up, “I have a date, you know that!” Shinso made a face, “I know no such thing.” You placed your hands on your hips, “How can you say that? Why do you think I dressed up today? For my own personal health or something?” 

Shinso shook his head, not in the mood to argue. “Honestly, I have no idea why you dressed up. But either way, I’m just following Mr. Aizawa’s directions.” You leaned against the counter, “Why did he have to pick this one night?” You gasped and looked at Shinso, “Unless it was you who picked it! Because you knew that I had plans.” Shinso stared at you in disbelief. “You know, it’s depressing to know that you hate me that much.” 

He narrowed his eyes, “I do not hate you!” He objected, then he sighed. “Look, can we have a truce?” He extended his hand to you. You took it with a smile, “Of course Shinso, anytime. After all, it’s always you who starts these things.” You start to walk away but he pulls you back at your words. “Oh I’m the one?!” He raised his voice, offended that you would say such a thing. You nodded adamantly, “Yes! Admit it, you’ve resented me since the moment I got here.” He scoffed and let go of your hand like it burned him. “For the record, I don’t resent you.” 

The two of you began to walk in opposite directions but suddenly Shinso whirled around, causing you to do the same. “But if I did!” He yelled, “I would have good reason to!” You looked at him indignantly, “Is this about that bet? The one I made you lose? Because that’s a petty reason to resent someone.” “I already told you I don’t!” You rolled your eyes and stormed away from him, straight outside to the bench, you needed a moment to cool down. “That must be the rudest, most difficult, worst-tempered girl in the world!” Shinso yelled.  

The rest of the day passed without much incident; in the end, you did get to leave as you planned. It began to snow as you walked to the restaurant, each step growing more hesitant. You gripped your copy of Little Women tighter in your hand, praying that the night would go well. Will he like me? You wondered, Will I be what he’s imagined me to be? Can I live up to the expectations I set in the letters? The restaurant was on the corner coming up, you reached it, and paused at the door. There would be no hiding behind your paper and pen tonight, he was going to see the real you. You were jostled by a couple walking past you to enter the building and snapped out of it. He must be in the same boat I am. I’m sure he’s just as nervous as me. 

You shook off your nervousness and gathered the courage to walk inside. You greeted the host, and were seated at a table, your date was nowhere to be seen yet. Tapping your foot anxiously, you set the book on the table sitting up where it would be visible, and you pulled the rose, the other calling card of your correspondence, from your bag. 

Back at the coffee shop, Shinso was barreling in through the door. Denki looked at him in surprise, “Why are you back? Didn’t you have a date like now?” Shinso nodded breathlessly, “I do. I was almost there but I got nervous and ended up running all the way back here. Will you go with me?” Denki nodded, untying his apron quickly and hanging it back on its hook. Once they were outside they could talk more freely. “So… why did you want me to go?” He asked. Shinso sent him a nervous glance, “I’m too nervous to look first.” He admitted, “I need you to look. She’ll be sitting alone, with a red rose and a copy of ‘Little Women’. And I have my rose, I’m going to tuck it in my breast pocket.” Denki smiled, “Oh I see. You want me to do a little surveillance, ease your nerves a little bit.” Shinso nodded, they would be approaching the restaurant soon.  

You sipped your water nervously as the hour grew later. Has something happened to him? Is he not coming? Did he already come and leave? The waiter came by once more, “Can I get you anything ma’am?” You shook your head politely, “Not yet. It should only be a little longer.” I hope.   

The boys entered the restaurant, Shinso trailing behind. Once they were inside, Denki elbowed him. “Where’s the rose?” He asked. When Shinso didn’t answer, he was smacked on the arm. “Oh, um, here.” Shinso pulled a wilted rose from his pocket. Denki made a face that was a mixture of pity and confusion, but he didn’t vocalize his thoughts. “Give it to me.” He said, pulling it from his grasp. He neatly tucked it into his breast pocket, then ran his fingers on Shinso’s hair, smoothing it. “Okay deep breaths buddy, I’ll go take a look at your future wife.” He said, tapping the front of his friend’s shoulder lightly. 

Denki awkwardly weaved through the tables, scrutinizing every guest for the items he needed to look for. Each person he made eye contact with looked extremely uncomfortable by the situation but he brushed it off. I have a job to do. One table near the wall, the person had the menu in front of their face so he stood precariously on his tiptoes to peer over it. Instead of a pretty young girl, he was met with the face of an elderly man, “Oh, I’m sorry sir. Have a nice meal.” 

He was nearing the last table, in the corner of the restaurant. He gasped when he saw the occupant, it was you, dressed up with a book on the table, a rose tucked in as the bookmark. He froze and did the only thing he could think to do, he ripped the scarf from his neck and held it in front of his face as he made a hasty retreat back to Shinso’s side.

Shinso saw his friend’s pale face and his heart dropped, eyes wide with concern. “She’s old. She’s old and ugly and has no teeth? That must be it.” Denki shook his head, “I… wouldn’t say that.” Shinso hit his fists together, “Well there must be something wrong! You’re terrible at hiding things Denki.” Denki grimaced, “Well, she’s actually very attractive.” 

Shinso felt his cheeks warm, “Really?” He hesitated, “Will I think so?” Denki shrugged, “Beauty’s a subjective thing, but I think so. She looks like…” Shinso interjected, “Some famous person! Right?” He started listing off names but his friend shook his head at every one. “Someone from our shop.” Denki finished. Shinso gave him an incredulous look, “Our shop? The coffee shop?” 

Denki put his finger up, as if to reply, but he hesitated. “Just spit it out already!” Shinso snapped. “Well, she looks a little like… Miss Y/N.” 

“Wait wait wait, Miss L/N Y/N? Our L/N Y/N?” Shinso asked, his heart beating a million miles an hour. What could this mean? Denki nodded and his heart dropped again. “No no no, that’s not right. You’re joking.” Denki shook his head adamantly, “No I’m not. This girl is the spitting image of our coworker, and your nemesis.” Shinso shook his head, there was no way this was true. It just wasn’t possible, you were abrasive and sarcastic, there was no way you were the girl from the letters. “Take a look for yourself, last table in the back corner.” Denki said. 

Shinso did an almost identical repeat of Denki’s path a few moments ago. He weaved through the tables, and there in the corner, just as Denki said, you were. Shinso froze, then bolted, almost running out into the night, but Denki grabbed him. “You are not going to just leave her there. Go over there like an adult, and figure things out. I expect a status report in the morning. Good luck comrade.” Denki gave Shinso a mock salute and left, leaving him alone at the front of the restaurant. 

Shinso reluctantly made his way to the back of the restaurant, mind running at a million miles an hour. He was in love with you? No way, it was all a mistake. It had to be. Shinso shoved the rose and book back into his bag, unwilling to give himself away. He cleared his throat and you looked up, nearly falling out of your chair. “What the hell are you doing here?” You hissed, anger starting to bubble up inside you. Shinso clenched his fist, bouncing it in the air, “Just out for a drink. How about yourself?” You stared at him, “I’m waiting for someone.” You replied, as if it were obvious. “Anyone in particular?” He asked. 

“Obviously,” You replied flatly, “Like I said before, I didn’t get dressed up for nothing.” “Well, I could keep you company while you wait.” He offered, moving to sit down. You put an arm out to stop him, “Absolutely not. I told you that seat is reserved for someone very important.” A look of disappointment crossed his face, “So you won’t let me stay?” You weren’t sure what made you cave, but you relented. “Fine. 30 seconds.” 

There was silence for a moment, when a thought hit you. “Shinso, are you spying on me?” You asked suspiciously, frustration welling up. “Didn’t believe me when I said I had a date so you have to come see for yourself?” Your voice rose, you were practically yelling. Shinso snorted, “Miss L/N. Who would I be spying for? Mr. Aizawa? Don’t be ridiculous.” You met his excuse with a glare, “Shinso, your time is up. If you don’t leave immediately I will have you thrown out!” 

The waiter appeared, “Excuse me miss, I hate to be a bother but could you and your husband either quiet down or fight elsewhere?” Your jaw dropped, “H-h-husband?!” You exclaimed, flabbergasted by the notion, “This man is not my husband. This is a business associate.” “Oh well pardon me. Either way, you will need to quiet down for the comfort of our other guests.” Shinso stifled a chuckle as the waiter left, leaving you with a seething look on your face. 

Shinso leaned forward on his elbow, “So. Have you known this person long? The one you’re waiting for?” You turned your seething glare on him, “Frankly, that’s none of your business.” A thought struck you that sent pangs of panic through your body, What if he’s already come here? What if he saw us together and left? “Can you just leave, please?” A wave of panic washed over you. “Now why would I do that? It’s not proper for a man to keep a lady waiting. Even if they are an old friend, a dear friend.” 

You sighed, “I really don’t want to discuss this with you Shinso.” The song coming through the speakers changed, a classical song came drifting to your ears. “Ahh I love this tune.” Shinso reminisced, “My mother used to sing it to me when I was a kid.” “Mine to you replied.” Shinso gasped, “Miss L/N! Do you realize what this means? We have something in common!” “Hmm.” You hummed, “Well, it’s too bad I was the only one who grew up.” You replied, a fake smile plastered on your face. 

Shinso met your smile with a fake one of his own; he knew this was wrong, playing with your feelings like this, but he couldn’t resist. He had no intention of telling you tonight, he wanted to test the waters first instead of shocking you with the news. “Ahh I see what’s going on here. You’re nervous because you’ve never met this person before!” You tensed at his words, confirming his suspicions.

The minutes passed, Shinso kept telling you horror stories he’d seen in the news about Lonely Hearts Clubs. You’d had enough of his nonsense for the night. You clenched your fists, and hit them on the table. “If you don’t leave right now, I will scream.” Shinso tried to interject, but your rant had begun, and it was an unstoppable flood. “You know? Dante once described all the depths of Hell. Maybe after this you should go there, you’d fit right in!” “Miss L/N---” 

You stood, “Shinso! You are easily the most insufferable, insensitive man I have ever met.” Shinso scoffed, “I’m surprised at you.” but he made no move to leave. You gritted your teeth, “Fine, be that way. I’m sorry to have to do this.” You screamed, and before you knew what was going on, you and Shinso were out on the street in front of the restaurant. “Oh no.” You whispered, tears pouring down your cheeks. Shinso stood in front of you, he hadn’t meant for things to happen this way. You hit your fists on his chest as you cried, but it didn’t hurt him. “I’ll never forgive you for this.” 

Shinso led you to a nearby bench, and you sat in silence for a long while. You looked up at him with tearfilled eyes, your eyes met his purple ones, ones filled with an emotion you couldn’t quite name. “Haven’t you had enough? Are you happy now? You got your revenge on me?” You sniffled sadly, “I genuinely don’t understand you, Shinso.” Shinso snorted, “How could you Miss L/N? You’ve never taken the time to get to know me.” You chuckled darkly and wiped the tears from your eyes, anger washing over you once more. “I know you plenty well. I know you’re just a not very smart, not very handsome man with the personality of a python.” The words stung Shinso, even though he probably deserved them, and he stood. 

“Have a good night Miss L/N.” He said, voice tinged with a sadness that made your heart sting. “Wait!” You yelled as he walked away, “Oh Shinso, I didn’t mean all those things.” You reached after his retreating form with a futile hand. Soon he disappeared from view, leaving you alone in the chilly night. You waited on the bench, tears hot against your cold skin as you waited. You weren’t exactly sure what you were waiting for, for Shinso to come back?, for your mystery friend to arrive? You weren’t hopeful for either of those things, and yet you waited. Of course, it’s snowing. You thought to yourself, chuckling at your circumstances. “Oh well, I’ve been waiting for this person my whole life, what’s a few more hours?” 

Somehow you made it home, but you didn’t care how late it was; no way in hell you were going to work tomorrow. You wouldn’t give Shinso the satisfaction of seeing you this way, you felt defeated, and you blamed him. You got into your pajamas, and slipped into bed, cursing the whole day. 

The next day Shinso arrived at work, and you were nowhere to be found. “Miss L/N is not coming in today. She texted me.” Mina told Mr. Aizawa. Shinso overheard this and his heart clenched, he had royally messed up last night. “Hey Mina, what is L/N’s favorite food?” He asked awkwardly. Mina gave him a strange look, but gave him the answer. He made some excuse for leaving and headed to the corner store, and then to your place. He hesitated before knocking, would you be upset I came here? He wondered. 

There was a knock at your door, “Who is it?” You asked hoarsely. You dragged yourself out of bed and to the front door, “Miss L/N? It’s me.” The voice sounded familiar, but with your pounding head you couldn’t place it. You opened it to find Shinso, “Oh, it’s you.” You slammed the door in his face, wincing at the bang. You grabbed a blanket from the couch and wrapped it around your form, then opened the door. 

“I was--- in the neighborhood.” He said, awkwardly. You gestured for him to come inside and sat on the couch. “What do you want? If it’s about last night, just spit it out. I’m not feeling well today.” “So I heard.” He replied, setting the corner store bag on the floor. “You knew I was sick?” You asked, surprised. “I overheard Mina telling Aizawa about it.” “Oh.” 

Suspicion welled up within you and you narrowed your eyes at him. “So, you decided to come here, and make sure I was really sick. You thought I was faking it!” Shinso shook his head in protest, “No! Believe it or not, I was actually worried about you.” You stood up suddenly and retreated to your room, rummaging around in your closet. Shinso followed you and stood in the doorway, “Um, what are you doing?” 

“What does it look like? I’m getting ready for work, obviously.” You said, tossing a shoe haphazardly over your shoulder. “That’s not a good idea.” Shinso said. You scoffed, turning over your shoulder to look at him. “And why not? Because you don’t want me to go to work?” Shinso grimaced at you, “No, it’s not that. It’s the fact that you’re obviously ill and we work in a coffee shop.” You stopped abruptly, “Oh. That’s a good point.” 

You sat on the edge of your bed, feeling utterly defeated. You couldn’t even bring yourself to be mad at this man, the one you felt like you hated as he stood in the doorway of your bedroom. “Wanna tell me what’s on your mind?” Shinso asked quietly, he knew he couldn’t fix everything, he did leave last night without telling you the truth after all, but maybe listening was a start. You sighed and somehow slumped even further. 

"It's just--" you hesitated to finish, but there was something in Shinso's face spurring you on, "I love him, y'know? And last night was so awful I just, I don't even know if I can face him." You heard a sharp intake of breath that was quickly disguised as a cough. You began to cry, and Shinso felt his heart sink, he had really done it this time. He made a move to sit next to you on the bed, to try and comfort you, but hesitated. When you didn’t object, he tentatively sat next to you and brought his arm around to pat you on the shoulder. “Miss L/N, I don’t know if I could ever forgive myself for last night at the restaurant. I’m so sorry I ruined the night for you.” 

You shook your head, “No! Because honestly you were right, I hadn’t met him before. He was just someone who was writing letters to me--- such wonderful letters.” Your voice broke a little as you said the last words. “He never showed up?” He asked, though he already knew the answer. You shook your head, “No. I waited and waited but he never came.” Shinso grimaced and looked away, “I feel very responsible for that, I’m sorry.” 

You laughed and it was the first smile he’d seen you crack all morning, “Well, it was kind of your fault that we got kicked out of the restaurant, but even so… If he had cared at all, he would have explained.” 

Shinso stood up suddenly and you thought you had offended him somehow, but he came back with a paper sack in his arms. "Well," he said, handing you the convenience store bag, "I'm sure he'll reach out, maybe he feels the same way. I hope you feel better, I’d better head to the shop now since we’re understaffed. I’ll send the others your best!” “Hey Shinso?” You asked, not wanting to leave your thanks left unsaid, “I really appreciate you coming here today. Spending time with you has made me, like you.” 

Shinso smiled and ran his fingers through his hair in that way he always did, “Thank you Miss L/N, goodbye now.” And with a click of your front door, you were alone, you took a moment, for some reason you were already missing his company, but you didn’t let yourself dwell on that notion for too long; You reached into the bag to examine its contents. 

A smile was instantly brought to your face, the bag contained all of your favorite snacks. I wonder how he knew… Mina maybe? That would make sense. You opened one of the snacks and looked around your room, eyes landing on your paper and pen that lay on your desk. You decided that it would be a good option to reach out to your Friend first, and apologize for last night. 

Dear Friend, 

I am so sorry about last night, it was a nightmare in every way. But together you and I can laugh at last night someday 

You tried to finish the letter, but kept getting distracted by thoughts of Shinso. The way he smelled, the way he was so nice to you this morning, the snacks he had brought, that he had cared to come here at all after the way you treated him last night. You grimaced at that last thought, I was so nasty to him. Well… he certainly deserved some of it but even so. 

Things went on like this for a while, you would write, then a thought would intrude. You know what? We were together this morning, and for the first time, we didn’t fight! Well, miracles do happen I guess. Oh wait, where was I? 

Dear friend, blah blah blah blablah, 

The more you let the incident with Shinso this morning stew in your mind, the stranger you felt about it; It was like he had become a totally new person overnight. Not that you were complaining, he had brought you food, and he smelled nice. Oh no, you stiffened, am I starting to have feelings? For him?! You waved the notion away with your hand, Nah! This isn’t some enemies to lovers romcom! 

Shinso was trying his best not to be giddy. You loved him?! Surprisingly, that was the best news he had heard all day. He shook his head in amazement as he walked back to the coffee shop, How could I not have seen it before? It’s so obvious she’s the person from the letters. And she loves me! And I, I think I love her too. He walked into the coffee shop and Denki immediately picked up on his emotional state. “Something good happen today?” He asked, giving him a sly smile. Shinso shrugged, “Maybe. I’ll tell you over lunch.” Denki nodded, and they got to work. 

Lunchtime came quickly, and Shinso breathlessly told Denki the story. Denki hung on to every word, and had a smug smile on his face at the end of it. “See? What’d I tell ya? Everything turned out fine.” Shinso laughed, “I suppose you’re right. Forgive me for not always trusting your judgement.” Denki put his hands up, “No harm done man. So, when are you going to tell her?” he asked, leaning forward. Shinso took a sip of his drink thoughtfully, “Honestly, I don’t think I’m ready yet. She doesn’t love me persay, she loves the man from the letters. I’m not just going to tell her outright that it was me the whole time, then she might feel betrayed. I want to earn her love, as the real me.” Denki smiled, “Hitoshi, you are really cool sometimes.” He snorted in response, “I’m going to pretend that I didn’t hear that ‘sometimes.’” 

The days passed rather quickly after that, the holiday rush was upon the coffee shop and things were as busy as ever. “Care to grab lunch with me today Miss L/N?” Shinso asked, of course you agreed. This became a new ritual for the two of you, and soon he was walking you home from work as well. One winter afternoon it was snowing as you walked to grab lunch together, and you kept catching the snowflakes on your tongue. “You know that’s childish right?” He teased. You turned and stuck your tongue out at him, “Don’t. Care.” 

Things had changed between you, you weren’t sure of the exact moment, but it had perhaps gone by without you even noticing. One day Midoriya brought up to you just how much it had changed, but you waved him off. “It hasn’t changed that much.” You said. You received a skeptical look in return, “Have you not noticed you’re on a first name basis with him now?” You blinked, then thought back to this morning, when the name Hitoshi passed through your lips as  easy as water. “Oh.” 

Mina was the one who brought this up to Shinso, and he was also taken slightly aback. Oh. I guess things really have changed. “I don’t mind the change though,” Mina continued, “I think it’s great you two are finally getting along! Someone had to get through that stubborn personality of yours.” “Oh quit teasing him Mina! You know he can’t handle it.” You interjected as you walked by, presents in your arms. “Oh! Are those for the party tonight?” Mina asked. 

“Yes! You’re going right?” You asked, smiling at your friend. “Obvs! I’m so excited, presents and food with friends is the best part of the holidays.” You chuckled at her reply, “What about you Hitoshi? Are you coming?” You were painfully aware of the way his name felt in your mouth, it was almost too comfortable. He nodded, “Yes, I have some things I need to take care of here first though.” “Oh really? I’ll stay and help!” he tried to object, but if there was anything he had learned about you, it was that you were far too persistent to argue with. 

And so you were left alone in the shop with Hitoshi Shinso, everyone else had gone on ahead to Aizawa’s house. “Are you excited for tonight? Your mystery man is coming right?” He asked, leaning the broom against the wall. “Of course! Excited, nervous, all of the above. And oh goodness, I am very nervous about that. You have so much in common with him, I’ll surely need you to help keep the conversation flowing.” You were facing away from him, straightening the shelves. “Yeah, about that…” His tone seemed off so you turned to face him, a questioning look on your face. 

Shinso cleared his throat, “I am so sorry about last night, it was a nightmare in every way, but together you and I can laugh at last night someday.” He said quietly. You gasped, tears coming to your eyes. I’d only written those words to Dear Friend, so that must mean… “It was you? You were Dear Friend all along?” You asked breathlessly. He barely managed a nod when you were throwing your arms around him. “Hitoshi Shinso, you are a devil of a man you know that?” You laughed, and kissed him on the cheek. 

“You’re not mad?” He asked, cheek warm at the place your lips had touched. “Of course not. Actually, I couldn’t be happier.” You replied, smiling as you watched your not-so-secret secret lover’s face light up with a beaming smile. “Well, that’s great. I’m glad I have you as my Dear Friend.” He said, slinking his arm around your waist. You walked to the party hand in hand, laughing about how you didn’t know sooner and how you had hated each other at first. 

You rang the doorbell and Aizawa opened the door, an uncharacteristic smile on his face. You and Shinso looked at each other in confusion but you saw Hizashi standing behind him, pointing up. Mistletoe. You internally groaned, of course Aizawa would pull something like this. To your surprise, Shinso whirled you around and pulled you close, giving you a breathless kiss in front of all your coworkers. “I KNEW IT!” Midoriya yelled. Through fits of laughter, Aizawa invited you in. “Took you long enough, crazy kids.”

#shinso x reader #shinso fluff #enemies to lovers #she loves me #bnha coffeeshop au #bnha x reader #quirkless au #shinso hitoshi #aurora borealis

[broken-minded-love]

@sad-sweet-cowboah Hope you don’t mind if I start a new post here, I don’t want to prolong the debate by doing this, but I still have some things to say and the other post is getting kind of ridiculous and is hard to reply to due to it’s length.  I’ll quote a few things from the original thread to keep it linked in reply and physically here for posterity.  [...I know it makes me seem suspicious but I have a habit of reading things without saving them, etc...] I appreciate that you wouldn’t keep track like that, who does? However, I can’t see any credit given to HOGO or her work on your blog/story before the original call out drama in 2019? Obviously you may have done that privately, but I know how fandoms work and there’s a lot of mutual backscratching in drama’s like this so it seems impossible to truly validate any of this independently, which is a shame. Perhaps it was my mistake, but when you said you’d been inspired by HOGO’s fics I assumed she’d written a full fic. I can’t find an actual chaptered fan fic following videogame Arthur in modern times from HOGO, and nothing of him in that setting by himself. It all seems to be involving the gang too, which is quite a different dynamic to what occurs in your series and Wish Upon. I can see how it would be difficult to keep track of HOGO’s posts, even if you were trying too, because I can see dozens of drabbles, but nothing as a titled fic you could keep track of.  I can also see why those little scenes and dialogs may have inspired you, but as I said I can’t see any credit for the inspiration as you claimed? Besides which, it’s all kind of a moot point, because I think the bigger issue seems to be less about the initial inspiration and more about the timing and direct comparisons that can be drawn between your series and Wish Upon.  [...I also included the-awkward-outlaw’s series as an example since you mentioned previously that it’s a “very niche” topic when it’s more popular than one would think. ...] Well, yes, it is now, but it wasn’t to begin with. Ever since the onset of this drama, I’ve only seen a tiny handful of attempts at covering Arthur in the modern world in a fic, which still makes it niche when you compare to the volume of repeated themes in Red Dead fics over all.  It was a completely non existent plotline (at least on AO3/FFNET) in October ‘18 through Jan ‘19, and the game had been out for three months already when @miss-oscurita published Wish Upon. Yet no one had stepped up to bring us a story covering the concept of video game Arthur alive in 2018/9.  The reason Wish Upon hooked me personally, was because it was completely different to the numerous “damsel in distress”, “highborn babe”, “tough outlaw chick” that were a dime a dozen. There was also several “modern reader goes back in time” stories too, but Wish Upon was the first incarnation of Arthur coming out of the game into the modern world, in an actual fic at least. No doubt the idea could have been circulating, but no one had actually taken the time to put it into an actual story to my knowledge.   Does that mean Oscurita should hold a monopoly on the idea? Of course not, but it does explain why anything that followed Wish Upon’s publication, including TOA’s recent works, will be bound to draw comparisons simply because Wish Upon was first on the scene to cover the topic, and as a result is likely the most well known version of it.  I think the real issue here isn’t who all’s covered Arthur living in modern times, it’s more the issue over the dynamic where the protag is familiar with him as a character, because the dynamic of the pairing and the story itself changes so much when it’s explored from that angle. The dynamic is also affected when the fic focuses only on the two main characters (as with the gang being in the modern world in HOGO’s concepts) especially when they are both aware he’s fictional that it’s really something that can only be done once, maybe twice at a push. And yes you’d have to be certifiable to believe ideas won’t overlap, I mean it’s going to be a really hollow story if you don’t cover things like Arthur using a microwave, or using a toothbrush and showering for the first time, or learning to drive, discovering movies and what not. However, from what I seen over the course of this matter, it seems the issue with it all lies in how and when these elements are explored in the story. I may be wrong, but I don’t think there’s ever been an issue raised with any other parts of your series beyond that of As We Meet, has there?  And the issues raised over the original instalment and the rewritten piece seemed to be because it essentially follows the exact pattern of Wish Upon’s first few chapters, as we’ve already discussed.

[... I’m 99% positive the catalyst was a h-o-g-o oneshot of Arthur discovering lingerie...]

Funny that you should mention discovering lingerie when @miss-oscurita’s most recent update included Arthur discovering modern underwear for the first time. I don’t recall in which of your stories he did that?

Just in the interest of being informed, I searched HOGO’s blog and found a chapter mentioning lingerie (which I assume is the one that inspired you?) but that in itself is a classic example of how the same idea can be done by two different people and still be complete different.

Which I’m sorry to say really only further highlights why the similarities in your opening chapters are such a cause for concern.

Regardless of the inspiration, if we list the similarities we have from the original piece, and the rewrite the issues are pretty clear. 

1) Young female gamer protag.

2) Modern day setting.

3) Both have adopted silver tabby cats.

4) Both have the backdrop of being alone on a stormy night.

5) Both involved with an event that brings Arthur out of the game.

6) Both aware of him as a fictional character before being a flesh and blood man.

4) Both immediately assume him to be an intruder.

5) Both think they are dreaming and pinch themselves.

6) Both use touch as a way to confirm he’s there in the flesh.

7) Both fics use the same name for animals.

8) Both fics almost immediately go on to explore Arthur showering, discovering cellphones, watching TV/movies, using a microwave, in almost the exact same order. 9) Both use some variation of the “my Arthur” device. 

Then in the rewrite you make changes to also include:

10) Both use his horse to confirm he’s ripped straight from the game.

11) Both use extremely similar types of names for the horses. 

12) Both work from home, for one reason or another.   Seeing it written out like that I can more understand why people have red flagged it, as it goes a bit beyond simply exploring the same concept as the likes of HOGO/TAO may be doing.  I mean it was bound to flare things up to include additional similar elements. What I don’t get is, knowing how toxic the fandom is, and that you’re under the microscope over this, why you didn’t take the rewrite as an opportunity to distance yourself from those similarities?  And if I’m brutally frank with you here, it does come across as a bit of “drama farming” when you know the consequences of similarities all too well. And what I still don’t get is how you’ve not managed to move away from these controversies?  I’m a lot of a loser, and have kept an eye on this drama since it began and I have to say when you interjected with the other drama around Wish Upon late last year, that came across to me as looking for drama, or at least being lead to it by someone else somewhere. I don’t know where you got the tip off for that, because the post wasn’t tagged and I only saw it due to following @miss-oscurita/you on my fandom account and the other writer in question was very new to the RDR fandom and likely didn’t have much of a following.  Add that to the poor wording on the announcements of your rewrites and you know, I’m sure it’s innocent on your part, but I can see why it doesn’t look good to others.  I mean I could easily believe you were trying to avoid making the stories similar and accidentally included the horse thing simply because your ideas and the ideas from Wish Upon merged, because unless you’re able to keep them firmly separate in your head it’s going to happen now you know of Wish Upon. If it was me, I’d be doing my best to not give anyone any more reason to throw shit at my house. Instead you’ve somehow managed to do the opposite. The rewrite was a missed opportunity to draw a line under all the past drama, and that’s disappointing to see as a reader and a writer too.  I do hope you manage to sort this all out, and that there’s no further public bashing over it all but now the seal is broken on it all it’ll be very hard to prevent the sharks smelling the tiniest drop of blood in the water. 

#writing #fan fic dramas #not going to tag this for fandom to avoid inflaming the situation further #sad-sweet-cowboah #miss-oscurita

[robin-hood-for-freedom]

I now present to you, my followers, the single worst article I have ever read.

TLDR: A supposed 'libertarian' is actually defending vaccine mandates.

This is actually so bad, I think its worth a full response:

If the vaccine causes no appreciable injury, can you still refuse to be injected, notwithstanding that you might be visiting significant risks on others?

For starters, thats a BIG 'if.' In fact, we know for a fact that there is a (yes very small, but not nonexistent) risk of serious harm from the vaccine in the short run, and we have no way of knowing if there will be harm 5 years from now.

But beyond that: The idea that not taking the COVID vaccine is 'visiting significant risks on others' is just...not true. Its pretty well accepted at this point that the vaccine doesnt prevent the spread of COVID, it just reduces your chance of having serious problems from it.

And that to me, is why vaccine mandates are dead on arrival. Even if we knew the vaccine was 100% safe(which is isnt), and guaranteed you wouldnt get sick from COVID(which it doesnt), it only protects you, meaning theres no 'externality' to not taking it.

Occasionally, however, advocates of limited government will condone directives to engage in benign activities (even when not cost-free) if failure to do so might cause injury to innocent bystanders. Safety requirements for nuclear power plants would be one example

This is actually a very high-level libertarian question that I dont think I should unpack here(maybe another post). But Its also not really relevant, since not taking a vaccine even if it did reduce the spread of COVID(which again it doesnt) isnt nearly as potentially harmful, nor as clearly intentional as, say building an unshielded nuclear reactor in the middle of a crowded city.

Punishing aggressive acts that have already caused damage is a routine government function. But it’s more complicated when government compels conduct that might minimize or alleviate future harm. That’s an area of the law — endangerment — where rights theory is difficult to apply. How much increased risk do I have to endure before your potentially malign failure to act can be redressed? When rights theory doesn’t provide adequate guidance, defenders of liberty often look to utilitarian, cost-benefit tradeoffs

I'm not sure I actually agree with this. But even if I did, it would have to be in the most cartoonishly extreme cases. Abandoning rights theory in favor of utilitarian cost-benefit analysis in anything less can lead to justifying all kinds of horrific shit. And applied too broadly can justify almost anything.

And, no I dont think refusing to take a vaccine(that doesnt even prevent the spread of COVID) comes anywhere near that level. To quote Jules from Pulp Fiction it ain't the same fuckin' ballpark, it ain't the same league, it ain't even the same fuckin' sport

vaccine mandates are nothing new. Wyoming, an indisputably conservative state, requires vaccines for 12 diseases if a child wants to attend either public or private school or a care facility, or participate in school-sanctioned activities.

A lot to unpack here:

First I'm against every single aspect of this, not just the vaccine mandates, but all the way down to the very existence of public schools. So this probably isnt the best example.

But even if you want to set that aside: Do you seriously not see a difference between a kid needing a vaccine to go to public school, and an adult needing one to go to the grocery store?

Also, I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess that every single one of the diseases kids need to be vaccinated for are more dangerous to them than COVID-19.

Oh and obligatory mention that the COVID vaccine doesnt prevent the spread of the virus.

More vaccinations would have slowed transmission and thereby afforded fewer opportunities for the virus to mutate.

The vaccine doesnt prevent the spread of the virus. So this is just straight up bullshit.

And even if it were true: the delta variant originated in a country(India) that hadnt had access to vaccines due to fuckery by the US government and pharma companies. So maybe you should be going after them instead of people who are understandably skeptical of a new medical treatment that we cant know the long term effects of.

Significantly, based on data from 40 states, persons fully vaccinated accounted for as little as 0.2 to 6 percent of COVID deaths, and 0.1 to 5 percent of hospitalizations.

While this might be argument for getting vaccinated(assuming those numbers are accurate, which I kinda doubt), its not an argument for forcing the vaccine on people. Since the vaccine doesnt prevent the spread of COVID, you arent reducing the risk to anybody but yourself.

Third, can we be sure that a vaccine mandate will remedy the problem? Put differently, haven’t we seen numerous breakthrough cases in which vaccinated persons have nonetheless been infected? Yes, but the key reason breakthrough cases are a growing part of the total is that we’ve vaccinated a higher percentage of the population. Most important, as noted above, people who are fully vaccinated experience far fewer hospitalizations and deaths.

All of this is completely irrelevant since the vaccine doesnt prevent the spread of COVID

Yes I'm getting tired of repeating myself, but this point cannot be emphasized enough: If you're argument for vaccine mandates is that not getting vaccinated poses a threat to others, then the fact that the vaccine dosnt prevent the spread kills your argument before it even begins.

Perhaps we should just wear masks and maintain social distancing. But the consensus is that the vaccine would still be necessary, and far more effective.

Funny thing, the CDC is saying masks and social distancing are necessary even with the vaccine because(say it with me now) the vaccine doesnt prevent the spread of COVID.

Perhaps natural immunity from contracting the disease is stronger than vaccine-induced immunity. But most studies say otherwise.

I feel like I should point out here that I've seen a lot of arguments from people on both sides of this question. And I dont have enough knowldge of immunology to be able to judge which is the correct position.

Although it wouldnt really matter if the vaccine were more effective than natural immunity, since it doesnt prevent the spread of COVID.

Perhaps a vaccine mandate can be geographically or demographically constrained. That’s an obvious consideration, which suggests that local officials be given substantial discretion in establishing the scope of any mandate.

I suppose that would be better than a national mandate. But even that much would be unjustified since the vaccine doesnt prevent the spread of COVID.

Or perhaps vaccinations could remain optional, but with restricted access to selected activities by the unvaccinated. That notion — a vaccine “passport” — has the support of nearly 82 percent of Americans, according to a recent survey.

In other news: 82% of Americans are morons who dont realize the vaccine doesnt prevent the spread of COVID.

(okay but seriously, given that almost half of all Americans arent vaccinated, I have to question the methodology of this survey).

 we are in the midst of a health emergency, which means that suitably modified, narrowly-tailored, time-limited rules may be justified.

This is a one-time thing because we are in the middle of an emergency is the justification for nearly every tyrannical act ever undertaken by governments. And to hear it coming from a supposed 'libertarian' is equal parts terrifying and nauseating.

Oh and the vaccine doesnt prevent the spread of COVID.

[ducktales-spread-the-love]

In light of recent events, I feel I need to explain something.

The other day, I received an ask from a young child telling me it was highly inappropriate to use the Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s quote on this blog, “Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that,” especially considering everything going on.

I answered them privately yesterday, saying that it is in times like these Dr. King’s words need to be shared more than ever. However, I have also been made aware, not through another scolding but through the justified rants of others on Facebook, that there are people using this quote as a means to tell people they shouldn’t be standing up and demanding justice.

And that is sick. 

And not “sick,” the way my generation used the word “sick,” back in middle school... I mean actually sick, depraved, and morally bankrupt. 

Dr. King is one of my heroes. I wish I’d had the opportunity to sit at his feet as his disciple and just learn from him, but he was stolen from the world by an evil, evil man fifty-two years ago. Now all we can do is put Dr. King’s words in action and lived as he lived. Otherwise, what did he live for?

Dr. King did not acquiesce to violence, oppression, and hate. Polls from that time period show he was one of the most hated men in America. That didn’t matter to him. What mattered to him was the truth, and sharing the truth and doing what’s right no matter what. He believed in love, not violence, but he never sugar coated the situation of race-based oppression or said that loving your enemies involved liking them or letting them walk all over you.

“Freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor; it must be demanded by the oppressed.” - Dr. King

“He who passively accepts evil is as much involved in it as he who helps to perpetrate it. He who accepts evil without protesting against it is really cooperating with it.” -Dr. King

And as he said in his famous “Love Your Enemies,” sermon:

“History unfortunately leaves some people oppressed and some people oppressors. And there are three ways that individuals who are oppressed can deal with their oppression. One of them is to rise up against their oppressors with physical violence and corroding hatred. But oh this isn’t the way. For the danger and the weakness of this method is its futility. Violence creates many more social problems than it solves. And I’ve said, in so many instances, that as the Negro, in particular, and colored peoples all over the world struggle for freedom, if they succumb to the temptation of using violence in their struggle, unborn generations will be the recipients of a long and desolate night of bitterness, and our chief legacy to the future will be an endless reign of meaningless chaos. Violence isn’t the way. Another way is to acquiesce and to give in, to resign yourself to the oppression. Some people do that. They discover the difficulties of the wilderness moving into the promised land, and they would rather go back to the despots of Egypt because it’s difficult to get in the promised land. And so they resign themselves to the fate of oppression; they somehow acquiesce to this thing. But that too isn’t the way because non-cooperation with evil is as much a moral obligation as is cooperation with good. But there is another way. And that is to organize mass non-violent resistance based on the principle of love. It seems to me that this is the only way as our eyes look to the future. As we look out across the years and across the generations, let us develop and move right here. We must discover the power of love, the power, the redemptive power of love. And when we discover that we will be able to make of this old world a new world. We will be able to make men better. Love is the only way. Jesus discovered that.”

The Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. stood for justice. It was his life’s work.

There are two ways I have seen people in the last few days spitting on his grave and dishonoring his life:

1. By repaying evil for evil

2. By twisting his words about love and using them as a means to deter justice

BOTH ARE PROFOUNDLY WICKED.

I want you all to know, however many times you have seen wicked people, or perhaps well-meaning but very misguided people, using his quote about love driving out hate as a means to say there should be no uprising or justice... that is not at all my intention with this quote. 

I do not take a single recorded word of Dr. King lightly. I do not ignore the context in which they were originally spoken. 

It would be easy for me to become angry at having words put in my mouth, but given the current climate, I don’t blame anyone but those misusing the quote. To come to this blog after being bombarded with misuse of the quote, and seeing it on the top of a cheerful-looking blog about love within the fandom of a cartoon... of course someone who doesn’t know my heart and just came off the battlefield might be angered. 

That’s why I’m explaining my heart here. I have seen too many people, in matters of race, religion, the sexes, orientations, you name it - try to counter hate (and in just a couple very specific cases unrelated to this issue, perceived hate) with intense hatred of their own. Dr. King didn’t approve of that, and nor do I. That is why I started this blog - to fight hate, including racism - and that is why I use this quote. And I cannot stop using it for good because people have said others are using it for evil. I cannot shut Dr. King’s words away because others are twisting them for their own agenda. I cannot let what is good and true be deemed wrong and false.

“You just begin hating somebody, and you will begin to do irrational things. You can’t see straight when you hate. You can’t walk straight when you hate. You can’t stand upright. Your vision is distorted. There is nothing more tragic than to see an individual whose heart is filled with hate. He comes to the point that he becomes a pathological case. For the person who hates, you can stand up and see a person and that person can be beautiful, and you will call them ugly. For the person who hates, the beautiful becomes ugly and the ugly becomes beautiful. For the person who hates, the good becomes bad and the bad becomes good. For the person who hates, the true becomes false and the false becomes true. That’s what hate does. You can’t see right. The symbol of objectivity is lost. Hate destroys the very structure of the personality of the hater.” - the Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. 

So be righteously angry. Stand for justice. Stand for human dignity. Stand for truth. Stand for each other. Stand for love.

And when you are battle weary, I hope this blog is a safe, soft place to land and rest, and remember there is some good in the world worth getting up to fight for again.

#the reverend dr. martin luther king jr. #justice #love #ducktales-spread-the-love #ducktales spread the love

[the-fae-folk]

*Quoth* every bit of writing advice ive read talks about having a really good hook. but nothing actually explains what that means or how to do it.

(transcribed and translated from Quoth the Raven) Of course they don’t tell you how. Most people who tell you to do that have no idea how to write a good hook. They’re just parroting advice that they’ve heard. Lets start with what a hook is. A Narrative Hook is just a literary technique that “Hooks” the reader’s attention and keeps them interested enough in your writing to actually want to keep going. So many bits of advice emphasize that your hook has to be the very first sentence. In many cases they are correct. But not always. A hook can also be several paragraphs, or even the first few pages of a novel. Only academic writing needs to place so heavy an emphasis on your first sentence and paragraph because you have to make your point immediately and move on. There’s no time for dallying or dillying in Academia. But even though you have a bit more leeway in other types of writing you’ve still got to be careful. This isn’t just something you can scribble out and move on. A good narrative hook takes some planning. You have to think about WHO your audience is and WHY this particular bit of writing will hook them. What about it will intrigue or interest them enough that they’ll resist other plays for their attention in order to follow those thoughts. And of course not only does your hook need to be for your audience (or audiences if you insist on writing for more than one at a time), but it also needs to be relevant to your story or characters somehow. It should give us a reason to keep reading so that we can see more where that came from, to see how it connects and keeps giving. Even something that touches upon the themes of your book would be good if the writing is clever enough. Dialogue will give insight on the characters, setting, or even signs of the conflict. Let me give you an example. “The skies are always dark when I stop at the McDonald's on my way to work in the morning. Just a breakfast sandwich and a sprite is enough to keep me going. I always see the strangest people when I come out this early. But the strangest of all was when I saw Death herself feeding the starlings with french fries.” In this paragraph I’ve done several things. I purposefully did not put the hook at the beginning of the paragraph. Instead I’ve given you both a general setting for your story (Set in a contemporary world where such things as a McDonald’s exists and people actually want to eat there) and some insight into your character and their life (someone who is unfortunate enough to have to get up for an early morning shift and doesn’t have time for breakfast at home). It tells you about the sorts of things they’ll eat and what the general expectation for this part of their life is like (they see lots of weird people around this time of day because that’s just what happens at McDonald’s around 6am).

Then I drop the bombshell. Disguised as a casual statement that is merely continuing the previous thought I happen to mention that I saw Death doing something as ordinary as feeding starlings her french fries. This sentence, though seemingly tame is quite extraordinary for a number of reasons. It introduces the metaphysical concept of Death as a character who can move about and do person things like eat (or not eat) french fries. It tells us that Death is not just a person...but a HER! How many depictions of Death are female in our contemporary media? A few...but not that many. Even something as mundane seeming as Starlings might have significance. Besides being initially odd (Because usually one might say crows or pigeons when someone is feeding birds), you might have starlings have some greater significance later on, perhaps some kind of symbolism you hint at. Or you might just really like starlings and think that they themselves are odd enough to mention that it might help, either one works just as well. Even though Death is just feeding a bunch of birds some fries we already have so many questions that NEED answering. Why is Death there? What’s her story? Why starlings? And why McDonald’s french fries of all things? We’ve hooked the reader into wanting more. But did you know that you don’t have to begin things with a scene? A question could be a startling and interesting way to start out a piece of writing. Drop straight to the heart of the matter and question the reader themselves. “What is your third favorite reptile?” Is a fun one I’ve heard, especially since you can immediately elaborate on that with your own favorite reptile and why any of this is relevant to whatever your writing is supposed to be about. Really there are lots of ways you can start a story. A declaration that something is so! A significant quote that pulls your reader straight into the middle of a heated conversation. Perhaps an interesting fact or statistic might help you (it can even be entirely made up if your story is set in a fictional world. I once read a book that interspersed the entire story with encyclopedia style clips about places, people, things, and creatures that didn’t exist outside of the story’s world). Even just describing something in great detail is acceptable, whether an enchanted forest, a cold and empty moon, or an apartment filled with half filled cups that your protagonist keeps forgetting to finish and put in the dishwasher. You can even begin with a particularly unique or really well chosen metaphor (or simile) that will set a certain tone or idea for everything that comes after it. (I read a short story where they used a popular spiritual cliche as their first sentence and then spent the entire piece undermining the sentiment.) So many ways to make a hook, and even better, make a good hook. However... You don’t HAVE to use a hook. It’s a literary technique that has become rather popular, but it’s not set down in the rules that you must absolutely use one or your entire piece of writing will burst into flames and die. There are a lot of good stories, essays, and other pieces of writing that don’t use hooks. It does get a lot more difficult if you don’t  use one though. The point of a hook is that initial attention grab. If you decide not to use one you will run the risk of many people not reading past your first few pages. It’s not the end of the world, but its a dangerous game to play. The rest of your work will have to be truly worth the read for you to get away with that sort of thing in this day and age. Well, I hope that answers your question and gives you a good place to start writing hooks for your stories! (or essays). In thanks I request that you go feed some birds (not starlings because they’re so annoying. Always like “look at me! I’m so mateable and majestic even though I’m flying in a swarm of a thousand others who look exactly like me and none of us will shut up for five minutes about who can get it on the best or who can find the best fruit and insects.” Ugh. Stupid little things. They think they’re so pretty. I agree, they’re pretty irritating.) (Notes from the Author of the Blog: One unmentioned form of Narrative Hook is called “In Media Res”. It literally means “in the middle of things” which is fairly on point because the technique is about beginning your story in the middle of the action instead of slogging through all the boring exposition. It’s a little hard to pull off well because it demands that the writer find fluid and subtle ways to introduce all that worldbuilding and essential info to the reader without giving a pages long infodump later on when the reader needs to understand something for plot reasons. Also, a Hook can be found in other types of media besides writing. In music it is a musical phrase or idea that is used to catch the listener’s attention and make the music seem appealing. In film they have something similar that is used to try and grab the viewer’s attention in the first 5-10 minutes. It is a very good tool to know how to use and use well, though it may take a bit of practice to get right. Finally, the Author of the Blog does not share Quoth’s views on Starlings; though maybe still don’t feed them (or any bird) french fries.)

#quoth the raven #writing advice #narrative hook #writing hook #writing skills #starlings #french fries #writing