#dont get me wrong part of me is like 'yay more moneys'

[ayoharuko]

Genshin Impact Bf Headcanons

 Hi everyone I'm back yay!😊

I'm feeling a bit better so i decided to just make a part 2 instead of snoozing around....

I hope u guys enjoy this part and I'm sorry for the wrong spelling or bad Grammer.

I also apologize if the headcanons are a bit occ or not canon at all these are headcanons after all. i wrote this on my laptop

Also one more thing I'll apologize for is sometimes the writing style will change like last time it might look nice and now its....just a bit not nice?? Does that make sense? sorry sorry I'm getting side tracked....

I just had my adhd moment−

oh even if i wanted to copy the same style as i did last time I'm too lazy to check the last post probably cause I'm derived of sleep and surviving with coffee ok fr imma stop-

REMINDER: All these characters belong to hoyoverse and does not belong to me (•ˋ _ ˊ•)

Anywaysss hope u enjoy this!

(Liyue Boys)

~Ajax my boi~ (Childe, Tartagila)

~Possessive Boyfriend~

• I had a debate between possessive or overprotective since he's technically both, a cunning fox and a blood thirsty wolf, but possessive takes the cake for me hahaha

• He doesn't like people's eyes on you. makes him jealous but he also likes peoples eyes on you. makes him prideful to show off that your he's

• Definitely leaves marks on you like obvious places too!

• If you fight or have a vision and can fight expect him to train with you, help you with your tasks and spar aka fight with you just to see who's stronger lmao

• Buys you expensive gifts when he's away(That fatui money yuh~✨)

• PLEASE BE CAREFUL NOT TO MAKE HIM JEALOUS. i feel like if he gets like really jealous your walking card....gone bish✨ and that person ✨G O N E✨

• Like when you met traveler he full on THOUGHT that were flirting with you and actually kind off threatened them-

• He siblings/family already adore you even if they haven't met you yet, they just know your a very nice person because of what teucer tells them!

• Speaking of teucer.....he probably loves you more then he's big brother....lol jk..or maybe...? But teucer loves you a lot since he sees you make he's big brother really happy all the time and also because your very nice and play with him a lot! This makes childe very happy since he knows he doesn't have to worry about he's siblings hating you.

• If you can't cook expect him to cook breakfast or dinner and also if he's free and yall live together he could also clean the house if you want~

• He always has hearts in he's eyes whenever you guys are together and for once the people around him and see a Slight sparkle in he's eyes

•  He's your overprotective but possessive wolf and he would go crazy if something happens to you...

• You guys go on dinner dates especially if your both are in Snezhnaya

• He kinda keeps you a secret from the fatui but sometimes he can't help but brag about you still being careful with he's word of course 

• He loves you...a lot...but sometimes it can be... a little....crazy

Nicknames: Mine, Babe and baby

Voice line about you: Heyyy there comrade! I see your getting quite comfy with y/n over there....what nono..I'm not assuming you of anything I'm jjust gonna let you know their mine....alright? Good! dont want you sealing them now haha!

When he talks to you: Hiya babe~ what? You didn't like the way i talked to traveler? oh come on the were sealing all your attention from me tho~!

~Old Man Morax~ (Zhongli)

~Gentleman boyfriend~

• I don't imagine him as a jealous or possessive person since he's lived through so many years he probably has high patience. However doesn't mean he's not  overprotective since he's basically lost a lot of things in he's life he always make sure your safe, your eating well, water etc always cares about your health.

• Hu tao at one point has told you both that you remind her of an old married couple....and i think she's right-

• He wakes up before you and prepares you both tea not before admiring your sleepy face of course❣

• Cooks breakfast(Imagine him in an apron😫)for you both and cleans you guys house when your at work just him being a malewife🥺

• Would always open doors for you, buy you flowers(When he has mora) and buys you thinks when he's out in liyue(Again if he has mora otherwise its childes-)

• When you first made him lunch as a surprise at work he had the most heart warming smile ever like smiling while eating the food you cooked and just praising you constantly as well. Hu tao was jealous you didn't make her lunch lol

• At one point of you guys relationship he told the whole truth about him being an ex-god and even showed he's dragon form just so you would believe him.... and thank the archons you still accepted him for who he was and loved him...

• Sometimes when you guys are at the comfort of your house he lets out he's horns and tail so you can pet or touch them which he likes very much and you end up with a big dragon on you-

• Xiao has definitely been watching over you and zhongli knows it...he's grateful that even if he's not present xiao will be the one to watch over you🥺😭

• You guys would be outside at the sunset enjoying your tea and just overall chilling...those are he's favorite moments with you❤

• You guys can be found strolling around liyue just looking at the beautiful city

• He appreciates how you try and listen to he's tales even if he knows that some of them are boring and makes you fall asleep but he still appreciates in you trying to listen.

• Arguments would almost never happen in your relationship of course excluding you guys disagreements but zhongli tries to avoid arguing with you since he hates yelling and overall just hates seeing you mad.

• Even in a million years he would never stop being over in heels inlove with you💕

Nicknames: My gem, dear and my beloved

Voice line about you: “Hm...traveler..would you perhaps think that this would look nice on y/n? You think it would? Alright then I'll be taking this then. What? Oh...m-mora i..uhm..forgot my wallet again it seems...apologies..I'll pay you back traveler”

When he talks to you: “Dear i must thank you for this....it tastes marvelous”

~Baby Xiao~ (Alatus)

~Shy But Overprotective Boyfriend~

• He's both shy but very overprotective of you. Like he thinks your made of glass so he always watches you. minus when he has to go fight demons at night of course, but he always wants you to stay at the hotel when its night time since he knows how dangerous it is when its night time at liyue. if you have errand to do however...except him to come with you even if he hates large crowds.

• He'll only come and see you when you bring him food or call out he's name. and that was at like at least a few months into your relationship with him. The reason for this is because he doesn't want he's karma to affect you since your the only light he has.

• He only eats whatever you cook as he thinks their exceptional to he's taste. girl he actually thinks your cooking is delicious thats why lol

• He LOVES headpats and LOVES kisses on the forehead. FIGHT ME I DARE YOU🙂

• When you hug him he turns red in an instant and then relaxes but sometimes(Sadly) pushes you off of him...since he's too scare of he's karma going to you😭, meaning he's always running away from you....

• But there are sometimes when you convince him to stay...and when he does stay...he lets you do whatever you please with him. Thats including kisses, reassurance, comfort and cuddles for the baby💕

• If you get hurt he instantly blames himself. So you have to reassure him that it isn't he's fault whatsoever.

• He brings you Qingxin flowers he's favorite flowers and leaves it at your nightstand if you live in the hotel its a reminder from him to you that he loves you and that he always watches over you.

• At every affection you give him it doesn't matter if big or small he always turns red since that how much he had fallen for you. 

• Ya know you'll feel like you have a guard dog always watching you....in a good way

• Always dreads the day you'll have to leave him...he knows your a mortal...he knows their fragile and weak...but he just doesn't wanna let you go...your he's only weakness and the only one who shows he's love for.

Nicknames: My light(Rarely)

Voice line about you: “What? I'm not looking at y/n...your simply imagining....”

When he talks to you: “You called? H-huh? Cuddles? I suppose it won't hurt...just this once...I'll humor you..you mortal”

~Bookworm Boi~ (Xingqiu)

~Prince Boyfriend~ 

• He might act like a prince but he is still a bookworm...but we love he's nerdy side so thats fine!

• Since xingqiu’s basically rich he definitely knows how to act like a gentleman...although before he fall inlove with you i like to think he had ignored every person who he's family set him up with..so they were surprised to find out that he suddenly took an interest in you.

• There are sometimes where he pays more attention to he's books more then you but please dont worry he loves you😊

• Buys books that he thinks makes you think of him. i mean he does have the money-

• He thought of a love story that was about you both and wrote it down...but writing it down poor Chongyun had to since our water boi’s hand-writing sucks, but it was worth it since it was very romantic and cute⁓

• He also writes poems about you and then read them to you in the afternoon under a tree while your napping either on he's shoulder or lap.

• Compliments everyday baby💕

• HE'S A MF TEASE. like you see the pranks or things he does to poor Chongyun?? I feel bad for you both😔

• When he's not occupy with a book you both are walking around liyue either buying things at stalls, books or food really anything he's down.

• Yelan watches over you both. like sometimes she'll treat you both to a restaurant and she'll sit in another table while you both have your meal(She pays for it too)Basically she observers how you both interact with each other and finds you both cute🥺

• Overall he's a real prince to you minus being a bookworm

Nicknames: My liege and love

Voice line about you: “This book reminds me of them....lets buy it”

When he talks to you: “Hm? You would like my attention? Hehe...alright then my liege..I'll give you what you want~”

~Precious Exorcist~ (Chongyun)

~Shy Boyfriend~

• Now him...he's 100% baby

• Whenever you touch him he short circuits. My boi knows nothing about girls-. Xinyan or yun jin obviously don't count, When we're talking about periods...its a different story....

• But he's very sweet and cares for you!, always senses when your upset/sad and immediately tries to cheer you up.

• Your he's meat shied if xingqiu comes looking for him...he tries to avoid he's friend quite a lot.

• Xingqui teases you both well mainly chongyung about how much he's a simp for you hehe...

• He always stutters when he talks to you. with the blush too!

• He's always on a look out for evil spirits or demons since he wants to protect you. When you have a nightmare he blames it on demons and he's dislike towards them increases.

• Like how yelan would watch over you and xingqiu. Shenhe watches over the both of you as a protector since she knows that chongyung still has a lot to learn and even if doesn't wanna admit it...she worries for you both.

• Shares he's popsicles with you💘

Nicknames:(Sadly no nickname he's too shy yall)

Voice line about you: “I-i get it now xingqui! g-geez...i..love them..a lot..”

When he talks to you: “H-how are you? O-oh fine? thats good...uhm..would you like to go to xinyan’s concert tomorrow?”

And that concludes our liyue boys!

tysm for reading this far everyone and again I'm sorry for the grammer or spelling mistakes o(*￣▽￣*)ブ

I hope u guys enjoyed this one my brain kinda hurtled from thinking this much headcanons lol

But it was worth it I'm proud to have finish part 2!. Now part 3 will be maybe after a few days and its the inazuma boys this time yay💕

But yea tysm for reading this far everyone mua mua~!💕✨

#gensgin impact #genshin headcanons #genshin x you #genshin fluff #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact #zhongli x you #xiao x reader #xingqui x you #chongyung x you #childe x you

[tempobaekh]

Rating Penthouse: War In Life characters

I asked my followers on Instagram to give me Penthouse characters to rate and my thoughts about them so I thought to post it here as well. Now this is my personal opinion about how I feel about the characters and how much I will rate them

⚠️⚠️THIS CONTAINS A FEW SPOILERS⚠️⚠️

My Instagram: Tempobaek

Logan Lee

10/10

Lemme just say I love him SO MUCH

LOGAN LEE BEST BOY

I absolutely loved his character and the fact that he was one of the few people who wants justice and is honest made me love him even more

Him playing Go Hu Dong was amazing as well and I didn't recognize him at all at first like he played it so well with the accent, costume and wig and everything

His accent and language switch in between English and the Busan accent Korean was so fucking sexy🥵

✨Mr. Joo✨

My man was also smart with his revenge

He was also serving amazing LOOKS every episode in the two seasons and I loved every single one of them

And I'm going to be honest here, after watching the preview for S2 ep13 his laugh was creepy in one of the clips and after reading a few theories I lowkey thought that he would be the next villian

I regret suspecting him now

But instead of that they gave us a bigger plot twist and blew up our man with a bomb😩

He literally went ✨LiGhT iT Up LiKe DyNaMiTe✨ (I'm so sorry)

I would've rather have him be a villian than die in the bomb

I MISS HIM ALREADY AND LOVE HIM SO MUCH😭

DID I MENTION THAT I LOVE HIM

Joo Seok Kyung

7/10

Another one that annoyed me angered me so much🙄

Like she was ruthless and had no mercy when it came to bullying and putting people down that she thought were a rival or putting people down in general

She didn't change even when Rona died

She also went as far as to like cheat her way to win the Cheong Ah Art High School trophy and blackmailed Cheon Seojin to win the trophy

But there were times where she would show emotions and those would be often her break down and weak moments

And those moments would really show how she is broken inside and puts up a careless and brave image, she is someone who needs healing even though healing takes time

I also saw someone saying like 'oh Seok Kyung hates her mom so much'

Yeah she hated her mom but she didn't hate her to death like she didn't wish death upon her

Seok Kyung was heart broken when she heard Suryeon's death and that showed that she still loved her mom even though Suryeon didn't give birth to them

I was heart broken when I saw that she cut her hair because here was no one there to tie it for her bc Suryeon loved Seok Kyungs long hair and that's why she didn't cut it but after he mothers death no one was there to tie her hair for her

I started seeing her in a different light after a while bc again it showed that he character was very broken emotionally and needed healing

I'm interested about seeing more of her character development after the last ep where she defended Rona

Also my girl is so hot, another one that was serving amazing looks

Joo Seok Hoon

8/10

He was lowkey annoying at first ngl

Like my man was just🧍🏻‍♂️

It annoyed me so much how he defended his sister so much, fell for her tricks, covered up for her and did anything she said EVEN though its wrong

But after some time I understood that he cared for and that she was the only family left to him

I mean Seok Hoon hate Joo Dan Tae so he doesn't counts and Suryeon was dead at the moment

I will still not forgive him for bullying Seol A even though he regrets it

It also annoyed me how he didn't stood up for Rona at all in the first season even though he liked her

By he got so much better in S2, he was even part in the revenge plan

He is literally the human CCTV camera in Hera Palace like he knows more than even the viewers know

The way he was protective of Rona when he found out she was alive was so aDORABLE

And my man was amazing in the last episodes

I love him

Cheon Seo Jin

4/10

THIS WOMAN MAKES MY BLOOD FUCKING BOIL

Like I sometimes just was to 🤜🏻👩🏻

But sometimes I wanna hug her😩

Idk I feel like she became a horrible person bc of greed and that he father and mother placed too high expectations for her

Instead of praising her for her accomplishments her parents wanted her to do more

Maybe that's why she was desperate for love and affection and found that in Joo Dan Tae even though he pretended to like her

But that definitely does not dismiss her horrible actions

But also the harsh past made her the could hearted person, like she left her father to die

She felt more care towards her daughter after she almost lost her because Eunbyeol tried to commit suicide

She was in alot of pain and you could see it in her cries and when she was on the phone with the person

Soyeon's acting was amazing in that scene

She started to care more about her ex husband and daughter when she saw how much Eunbyeol was suffering and she realized that she genuinely liked Ha Yoon Chul hwen she saw how horrible Joo Dan Tae was

I did feel bad for her sometimes but after seeing that she didn't change I really didn't feel any sympathy for her

She needs therapy

Girlie was shocked when the doctor said she is losing her voice like bestie you are screaming every episode

She was also serving amazing looks every episode

Ha Yoon Chul

5/10

The first male character I simped for

Like I am not going to deny it but he is hot🥵

But the first few episodes he was an absolute asshole and greedy

But I never expected him to be Yoonhee's ex boyfriend

I did like him a tiny bit when he saved Yoon Hee from Kyu Jin

His entrance in S2 with the helicopter was damn hot

And I WAS SO SHOCKED WHEN HE SAID MEET MY WIFE OH YOON HE

LIKE YAY MY SHIP IS SAILING

I spoke too soon

His character development and fighting skills were hot as well

He was ADORABLE with Rona and Yoonhee

I seriously thought that Rona was his daughter

BUT THAN AT THE CHEONG AH FESTIVLE OOF SIR I WANTED TO PUNCH HIM

I WAS SO MAD WHEN HE SABOTAGED RONA'S PERFORMANCE

I began hating him after that💀

Like he went 📈📉 with his character development

AND THEN HE CLEANED EUNBYEOL'S MEMORY FROM THAT NIGHT LIKE SIR SKSHSKSHKS SHE DID HAT TO YOUR DAUGHTER

I actually asked my dad what he thought about what Yoon Chul did and this was his reponse:

"If you look at it from a parents perspective they would want to do anything if they saw their child in pain like he did but I would've also scolded her and had a conversation with her about why she did it instead of wiping her memory from that night like he did. "

So that's that

I LOVED IT WHEN YOON HEE CAME WITH THAT BLOW AND TOLD HIM RONA WAS HER DAUGHTER

Jonghoon's acting was chef's kiss in that scene

I was going to rate him a 4 but I gave him that 5 when I saw how he was at court, he admitted to his wrong doings but also still had feelings for Yoon Hee

I wanna see his reaction in s3 to Rona now bc now that he got to know that is his daughter I wonder how he will be

Lee Kyu Jin

1/10

AN ASSHOLE

USELESS

WHY IS HE HERE

Like I have nothing to say about him rather than I hate him and that he useless just like his wife and son

HE IS LITERALLY NOTHING WITHOUT HIS MOM

I'm only giving him that one bc he was funny in the episodes

THATS THE ONLY REASON HE IS THERE JUST FOR COMEDY PURPOSES

Go Sang Ah

0.5/10

ANNOYING 2.0

USELESS 2.0

ALL SHE DOES IS SPEND HER HUSBAND AND MOTHER IN LAW'S MONEY

LIKE SHE AIN'T EVEN WORKS

UNLIKE KANG MARI

The only thing she does is gossip

And spills the tea☕

SHE IS LITERALLY NOTHING WITHPUT HER HUSBAND AND HIS FAMILY

Giving her a 0.5 bc she is kinda funny eh

Lee Minhyuk

0/10

ANNOYING 3.0

USELESS 3.0

ASSHOLE 2.0

Idk if it runs in the family but again he is useless

And a dumbass

He also nothing without his parents

Why is he there tho like you ain't even funny

All he can do is cause trouble

And bullied Jenny

His dumbass slipped and broke his own arm and blamed it on Rona smh🤦🏻‍♀️

Sometimes I just wanna 🤜🏻👦🏻

Also my dude was trying to sound all intimidating by saying

"Oh Jenny's father is a scary man, yOuR dEaD BaE rOnA"

Like dude worry about yourself bitch you are dead first for bullying Jenny

But like I hate the character but LOVE THE ACTOR HE IS SO HOT OMFG

Joo Dan Tae

0/10

ANOTHER ONE THAT PISSES ME OFF SO MUCH AND MAKES MY BLOOD BOIL

SOMETIMES I DONT WANNA 🤜🏻 I WANNA 🔪

LIKE I HATE HIM WITH A FUCKING PASSION

I DONT CARE ABOUT HIS PAST OR ANYTHING HE IS A GREASY, GREEDY, PSYCHO, OBSESSIVE MANIPULATIVE, POSSESSIVE PSYCHO

Like I legit thought he was nice in he first ep and then I saw him kiss Seojin and-

Me: 🤨😧😃🤮 MY EMOTIONS WENT LIKE THAT

LIKE HE IS SO FUCKING POSSESSIVE OVER SURYEON, AEGYO AND SEOJIN LIKE ITS DISGUSTING

I WAS GETTING YANDERE BEHAVIOUR FROM THAT OLD MAN

PURE TRASH

Bae Rona

9/10

I LOVE HER NOW

RONA BEST GIRL

She was also annoying at first and was very ungrateful

But over time she got better, still a tiny bit annoying sometimes but better

When she came back from the US I WAS LIKE GIRL NO YOU FINNA RUIN THE PLAN

I do feel bad for her bc she went through alot with bullying, her mom going to jail not only once but twice, her getting to know that Yoonchul who she started liking sabotaged her performance, and also literally almost dying

My girl has been through a lot

AND WHEN SHE RUNNED TOWARDS THE STAIRS OUTSIDE WHEN EUNBYEOL WAS CHASING HER I WAS LIKE GIRL RUN TO THE HALL YOU RUNNIN OUTSIDE

I am excited to see her reaction to getting to know that Yoon Chul is her dad

Part 2 is also posted!

#kdrama #kdramaimagines #kdramaxreader #kdrama scenarios #kdramaicon #kdrama icons #penthouse #thepenthouse #thepenthousewarinlife #penthouse2 #thepenthouse2 #thepenthousewarinlife2 #penthousewarinlife #penthousewarinlife2 #loganlee #jooseokkyung #seokkyung #ohyoonhee #baerona #jooseokhoon #seokhoon #joodantae #cheonseojin #kpop #kpopimagine #kpopimagines #kpopfluff #kpopangst #kpopsmut

[dobbyjen]

Tiny Dancer

Pairing: Frankie “Catfish” Morales x F!Reader 

Rating: M

Word Count: 1900

Warnings: some swearing, kisses, a tad of drinking, cute dad Frankie 

Summary: Frankie comes home just in time for his daughter’s dance recital

A/N: So I’ve never written a fic before so this is my first one. Grammar and all that crap is probably wrong but whatever. I am no writer at all. If anyone does read it please be nice. It was just a cute little idea that popped into my head because the world needs more dad Frankie fics. Might write something else in the future in this universe if anyone reads this. 

__________________________________________________________

“Mommy when daddy come?” your 3 year old pouts as you help her into her ballet outfit. You sigh and grab the 2 fuzzy yellow scrunchies off the bathroom counter and start parting her hair into two.

“I’m not sure Franny.” she frowns even more and wiggles are head out of your hands.

“I wike daddy do hair!” she screams and stomps her foot onto the bathroom tiles. You groan as you look into her teary big brown eyes. Frankie’s eyes. Frankie has been gone for 6 days and it was getting alot harder to deal with the mini Frankie. Francesca Morales was the splitting image of her father. Looks and personality wise. And she was the BIGGEST daddy’s girl. She’d been wrapped around his finger the second she came out. 

“Daddy should be home soon and then you can show him pictures of how beautiful you look today.” her frown gets a tad smaller and she scoots back in between your legs for you to do her hair. “Maybe if you do your pretty toes so well we can get a treat after the recital?” you barely have time to tighten the last scrunchie as she whips around and crushes your neck into a hug.

“Yay mommy! Get pupcakes?! I so good at pwetty toes!” she skips around the bathroom practicing her pretty toes as you finish packing her little purple dinosaur backpack.

“Of course princess. Let’s get going before we’re late.”

__________________________________________________________

“Frankie you said you were done with this shit! I’m going to personality kick Pope’s ass.” you huff as you plop down on the bed. Frankie sighs and comes over, bending between you legs.

“It will be 3 days...max babe. We need the money. I’m doing this for you and Francesca.”

“Frankie...i swear to god if you don’t come home...i...i don’t know...”

“Hey hey hey everything is gonna be okay. Pope said there’s no way this can go wrong. It’s go in, get the money and we’re out home free. I promise.”

__________________________________________________________

“Do you want me to wait here in case she throws you out?” Pope snickers as he pulls up outside the Morales house. Frankie glares at Pope and smacks his hat off his head.

“Fuck off. If anything she’s gonna kick your ass.” Frankie mumbles as he gets out of the truck and runs up the front porch. He twists the doorknob and whacks his head on the door as he realizes its locked. “What the....” Frankie panics for a minute wondering why its locked. They only just moved into the house 2 months ago and hadn’t gotten around to getting a spare key hidden. Frankie wracks his brain for why you wouldn’t be home. There’s no way you left with Francesca was there? “Hey what day is it?” Frankie yells back to Pope who is still sitting in his truck.

“Uhhhh...Sunday June 12th?” Pope yells back and Frankie feels like he just got slapped in the face.

“FUCK!” Frankie yells and runs back into Pope’s truck. “Drop me off at the civic centre NOW.”

“What why? They’re not home?” Pope sputters as he rips the truck into drive.

“Today is Franny’s first dance recital and i think it already started. Fuck she’s defiantly gonna kill me now.”

__________________________________________________________

Pope doesn’t even have time to put the truck into park before Frankie is jumping out and running through the doors of the civic centre. He stops as he reads the sign looking for the room with the dance recital. Auditorium 5. He runs down the hallway and stops when he sees a table selling flowers.

“How much for all of them.” Frankie huffs as he grabs outs his wallet. The young boy stares at Frankie with a gaping mouth.

“Uhhhh.....they're’ a-a dollar a-a fl-flower sir.” Frankie nods and throws him a 10. The boy swallows his nerves and hands Frankie a bouquet of rainbow roses. Frankie murmurs a thanks and sneaks into auditorium 5. There’s no seats available so he just stands against the back wall. There’s a group of 2 year olds on stage at the moment attempting a hip hop routine and Frankie chuckles to himself thinking of how Franny would look hopping around to the upbeat music. He looks down at the program and sees that her group is next.

The hip hop group run off the stage and the crowd cheers for them. Two young girls come out and take away the previous props and set out 8 pairs of yellow pom poms. Walking on Sunshine starts to play as the 8 little girls coming skipping out to find their spots. Frankie’s face begins to hurt from smiling so much as he spots Francesca. Wearing her yellow dance onesie and yellow tutu with her hair up in two messy pigtails. She does the little 2 minute routine so well Frankie can feel his eyes welling up with tears. Fuck he’s proud of her. This is why he needed to get home. He couldn’t fathom missing another experience like this. You and Francesca were the reason he kept pushing though the hard days. You both were his entire world.

__________________________________________________________

The recital comes to an end and all the parents wait around in the main foyer waiting for their little dancer to come out. 

Frankie fidgets with the bouquet of flowers in his hands as he looks around the crowd for a glimpse of you. He looks down at his watch and panics that he missed you guys and you went home, until......

“DADDY?!!!” You look up startled by your daughter’s random outburst and Frankie spins around as he hears his little girl screaming. He drops to his knees as Francesca comes flying into his arms. Frankie wraps his one arm around her small body and cradles her head with his hand and holds her close to him. The flowers drop to the ground long forgotten.

“Hi princess. I missed you so much. You did so good with all your twirls.” he whispered to her, smothering her head with kisses. She giggles uncontrollably and moves her head to kiss Frankie’s face all over as well. Making sure she kissed away the couple of tears away that snuck out. “These flowers are for you Fran.” Frankie smiles and puts the giant bouquet in her tiny arms.

“Woooow!! Mommy look!” Franny squeals and Frankie finally looks up and is met with your tear filled eyes. He stands with Franny in his arms and walks over to you.

“Hi.” he whispers. You gasp as you wrap your arms around the both of them. Frankie sighs as he buries his face into you hair, breathing in your scent. Fuck he missed this.

“W-when did you get back?” you sniffle and pull back to look into his brown eyes. Francesca looked between her parents confused and pawed at both their faces to dry their tears. Frankie chuckled at her gesture and tickled her side a bit making his favourite sound ring through his ears. A very high pitched giggle.

“Uhh...like 2 hours ago? I stopped at home first and then realized what day it was. I won’t miss this day for the world.”

“You shaved.” You said as you rubbed your hands over his bare jaw. You don’t think you’ve ever seen his face this bare before. You loved his patchy beard so dearly but you could probably get used to this face as well.

“Daddy no more pokey.” Franny scrunched up her face and placed a sloppy kiss to his cheek. You both laugh.

“Do you like it love?” Frankie questions.

“As long as your home and safe that’s all that matters to me.” you whisper as you lean in to kiss his lips.

“Ew yucky kisses!!” Franny squeals as she pushes your faces apart. Frankie chuckles as he moves his kisses to all over his daughter face. “Mommy we get pupcakes now?”

“Mommy promised you cupcakes?” Franny nods her head and Frankie looks towards his wife.

“Well i guess you did do an amazing job princess and i did promise this morning. She barely let me do her hair. Wanted you to do it.” you said rolling your eyes at Frankie. Frankie chuckled as you all walked out to the parking lot. 

“I mean i would have done a way better job.” you rolled your eyes yet again and smacked his shoulder lightly as you unlocked Frankie’s truck. Frankie buckled Franny into her car seat and then shut the door. He turned and grabbed you in a bone crushing hug. “I’m so sorry it took so long love. Nothing went as planned and we didn’t even get the money. And I-I dont...”

“Frankie stop. You don’t have to talk about it right now. Let’s go get our little ballerina a cupcake k?” Frankie smiles and captures your lips in one last kiss. “I love you to the moon and back.”

“I love you to the moon and back even more.”

__________________________________________________________

“I think she finally crashed” Frankie says as he grabs a beer from the fridge and plops down next to you on the couch taking a big swig.

“I swear to god if she doesn’t sleep through the night again I’m gonna...ugghh” You mumble into your wine glass. 

Frankie turns towards you and raises an eyebrow. “She hasn’t been sleeping?”

“Umm not since you’ve left. She wakes up around 2:30 every night crying for you. So i bring her into bed and she sleeps on your pillow with one of your shirts. It soothes her back to sleep. She also naps with one of shirts.” You sigh and look away from him, blinking back the tears. Frankie frowns, puts his beer on the coffee table and grabs your wine glass too. 

“Cmere.....i’m so sorry i left babe. I didn’t mean for it to be so hard for you. I’m never leaving again.” You cry into his side as he rubs his hand through your hair.

“What-what happened Frankie....I know you’re not okay. You don’t just disappear off the face of the earth for a week. Pope said it was going to be okay....I wouldn’t have let you go if...”

Frankie shudders and looks up at the ceiling trying to blink the tears away. You sit up and grab his face gently in your hands, forcing him to look at you.

“I’ve got you honey. Whenever you want to talk i’m here.” you give a small reassuring smile and wipe the silent tears falling down his face. That breaks Frankie. He begins to sob and explain the terrible events of the last week. You hold him and listen. 

When he’s finished you both just lay on the couch holding each other.

“When- when we lost Tom....all i thought about was you and Francesca and how I needed to get home. I swear to god I am never doing anything like that again. Pope said the money should free up by Wednesday so we’ll be good for a while. Will and I were thinking of opening up a shop, keep is busy for a while. I’m never leaving you guys ever again. We can take Franny to the shelter next week and she can pick out her dog finally.”

You giggle at the dog comment. That little girl has been asking for a dog the second she could talk and Uncle Benny put that idea into her head. “She’d really like that. And i’m also still kicking Pope’s ass next time I see him.”

Frankie laughs and kisses you head “Oh babe I’ve already warned him.”

__________________________________________________________

#frankie morales x fem!reader #Frankie Morales #frankie catfish morales #triple frontier #dad frankie

[alotsgonnachange]

Mystic Messenger Saeran’s AE Thoughts (.......And Prayers..) #Spoilerz

Hello, I just finished Saeran’s after ending and I have a lot of things to say and I am going to write it down while I'm still all keyed up about it.

First of all… Please DO NOT ask me how much money I spent to finish this as fast as I did…. I’m grown but my bank account is certainly going to have a good ole fashioned CHUCKLE at this….. It’s been a long quarantine I deserve a lil happiness as a treat methinks!

I have been playing this absolutely insane game since I think 2016? When I first started playing the deep routes had JUST come out I think? And I was just finishing up high school and am now a college grad...lmao

I’ve played all routes at least once except Jaehee but i’ve seen walkthroughs of her route (I’ve heard it makes you hate Jumin and he’s my favorite so um. hehe). V’s and Saeran’s routes I found to be so emotionally intense and just….a lot and I've been waiting a long ass god damn time for this after ending okay…. I would theorize and make up an ending in my head but i’m no writer so it was hard to figure out lol. I’m a Jumin stan mostly but I love everybody and yeah I should probably play that jumin dlc too but I need like a DAY to recover from Saeran’s AE. Enough about me HERE are my thoughts on it overall

Major Saeran AE Spoilers under da cut!

Can we please discuss V showing up to the C+R conference room with basically chloroform and made everybody Pass Out like??? I was alone in my room at like midnight just SCREAMING at my phone???? And the creepy ass CG ???? It’s like that gif of sarah paulson from ahs being like “I put arsenic in the wine….and the pasta”

Anyway I screamed at V a lot during this process!!

Loved RFA being sweet and kind to saeran (before V fucking drugged them…)

This is such common V behavior “I have to do it all myself...there’s no other way..” GIRL SHUT UPPP You do this every route....

SO many CG’s and I enjoy them a lot

Saeran’s sprite looks a little TOO crisp compared to everyone else but maybe its a glitch??? V next to him is in 480p while saeran is like 1080p

Hearing both Saeran and Saeyoung missing the other brother the whole time??? PAIN. All my homies know is PAIN

BOSS and his V for Vendetta ass guy fawkes mask??? I literally yelled “this game is TERRIBLE!!” several times at my phone

Their dad is so>??????? When he was sitting on the couch with saeyoung in that one CG while simultaneously telling him to kill himself?????????? Maybe chairman han is actually the best dad in this game somehow

When V and Rika were like we’re back together teehee teehee okay pack it up bonnie and clyde ..

When chairman han calls u and says hes jealous of u and saeran…..HUH????? I’m calling HR

When they go to the apartment and see boss and vanderwood and poor saeyoung is sitting there seeing his brother for the first time in years i wanted to D word sooooo bad like PAIN...PAIN….

Can we HAVE A DISCUSSION ABOUT JUMIN HAN BEING THE BEST CHARACTER IN THE GAME AND HE LOST EVERYTHING IN THIS AE……. he just took the blame and moved on jumin what the hell….. I love him so much r we serious? He watched his 2 closest friends betray him in the worst way and found out abt how Rika abused Saeyoung and Saeran???? I felt just AWFUL. Terrible ...Terrible….

Rika’s change in demeanor from Saeran's actual route is certainly a Choice. I find her much more bearable this time around and unfortunately i think I was too nice to her and ended up with a bad end LMFAO

I was happy to see Saeran stand up for himself and become stronger and confident. You go king!

The CG of Yoosung laying in Zen’s lap is everything to me…

HOWEVER YUP I sure did get a bad ending and I was so mad fdsafdskfdhsf ! (I would be happy to clarify how I got the good one the second time.) MAKE SURE To SAVE EARLY in days 2 and 3 bc the branches on day 4 is where the bad end will show up. For me it was the first day 4 chat and then a story mode titled “SAVIOR”.... If you see that RUN FOR THE HILLS!!

I was so mad! But I had saved in day 2 and replayed and MANAGED to get good end

I’m obsessed with everyone calling V and Rika “that psychotic couple” like…..its true its true…

No those two are so toxic… V’s route was torture watching them go on and on about the sun like yo can yall just call each other babe like normal people.

I respect straight people but not V and RIka that shit was just wrong… Straight marriage was a mistake

Oh lord i also FULLY Forgot Rika killed the twins’ mother…. Yeah that scene was um Certainly a lot but it needed to happen eventually

Like it’s good they know but damn that storyline is just so bleak

I think it was satisfying TO A DEGREE….To see Rika understand where she was wrong, why she was wrong, fess up and even APOLOGIZE! I was very surprised.

Saeran and Saeyoung are Certainly twins with the amount that those two self sacrifice in every route MY GOD…..

The scene with Jumin talking to his father and the other scene of him praying oh my god I cannot tell you how happy I was to see him begin to understand and address his own feelings in a route that was not his own. My main problem with Jumin’s route has always been the trapping MC in his penthouse aspect.. This way Jumin understands love and emotions without being overly possessive !!! YAY also loved seeing him be on good terms with his dad who was surprisingly profound

That last Story mode was Really a Lot…. and Strange things occurred which I will get into in just a minute

Jumin becoming a politician is so funny but ngl … i see it.

Yoosung going to france to study pastries ok king I see u! (it made more sense to me than the vet thing anyway)

Lastly Zen FURRY ERA

MY BEEF With the AE

I was happy with how they handled it for the most part. I think Cheritz heard our feedback about V’s after ending and was like okay….let’s try something different

HOWEVER

Saeran…. Sweet kind saeran… IS SO AFFECTIONATE HAHA….

He must have said I love you like 300 times…..very mushy gushy flowery language...and maybe that’s just his personality but for me it was like eating cake with buttercream cake. It means well, but god damn is it sugary and going to cause a stomach ache later.

He was just… SO MUCH! SO forward and ON all the time in his affections. I honestly felt kind of smothered and by day 3 and 4 I was sooooo over all the compliments… King you’ve come a very long way, but ur still putting MC on a pedestal and probably need to see a therapist.

Nextly….Rika and V….. Naw that knock out gas really ...that hurt lol. Coming from “I would do anything to protect RFA” V? Idk like…. EYE felt betrayed reading that. It was just hurtful. I can’t even imagine how the members would have felt as they were passing out. It was just so cruel. I suppose I understand why but like?? Just TERRIBLE

Them being in cahoots with the agency and the prime minister..HUH??? Also too much

V just felt so irresponsible like I do understand that he ended up in a weird web of secrets that’s hard to untangle but he’s so fucking stubborn he’s SO stubborn it makes me insane. Like sir… It seems like in other routes he wanted to try to protect Rika and the RFA.. But in this AE it seems more to me that he was like yeah i’m protecting Rika and That’s It… so fucking hurtful to me. Both of y’all apologize ESPECIALLY to the twins and Jumin..

The forgiveness thing…… Okay so I think some people will not like that Saeran decided to “forgive” the people who hurt him (Rika, V, Saejoong, his mother). I would point out that I actually think this was approached somewhat well. He says at one point that he doesn’t think they’re good or bad, just people. I think he sounded mature and like this was the way for him personally to accomplish his healing process. Would I have loved for Saeran to flip V and Rika off and kick Saejoong off a cliff? Yea I really would. But like…. If that’s what HE needs to do to heal then who am I to judge?

HOWEVER…. Everything Eye just said goes out the window when the scenes at the end with Saejoong come up… I was PERPLEXED. Like why did he HUG his deranged father who just kicked the shit out of him??? Also all the chat options that MC has with him r like blah blah you’re like this because no one loves you were so corny to me LMFAOOOO?

AND WHEN HE WAS IN THE ROOM LATER WITH SAERAN… i’m sorry but if that were me I would have called a nurse to deck his ass. Cool he turned himself in YOU SUCK SOOOO BAD AND I NEVER WANT YOU TO COME NEAR SAEYOUNG AND SAERAN AGAIN THANKS.

*scratches ass* I wish I got to see saeyoung and saeran finally sit down and have that first conversation after a long time and hug CG but the ending was fine I GUESS….. I dont care about ROMANCE I want those boys to be happy brothers together

Anyway that was really emotionally exhausting but I fr think I got it out of my system after literal years… And I can rest in peace knowing the choi twins are happy. THATS ALL I WANTED TO KNOW!!!!

#Saeran Choi #Saeran AE #Saeran after ending #Saeran AE spoilers #Mystic messenger #Mysme #Saeran after ending spoilers #mystic messenger spoilers

[nestacorvere]

acosf rant review

i finished acosf a while ago and i just can´t stop thinking about it so this is an attempt to get it all off my chest cause i have a lot of thoughts. 

spoilers below the cut 

i read the first 6 chapters when they were “leaked” and honestly that just set the bar really low. all these years that i´ve waited for the book i always thought nesta was going to illyria and that she would be away from the inner circle (except for cassian and azriel). but then came those chapters and i realized the ic would actually be in the book and i was pissed. 

the first few chapters were hard to get through. what mor said about sending nesta to the court of nightmares (and cassian not saying anything about it), what amren said about putting her in the dungeons in hewn city made me want to through my phone across the room. sure, send a depressed person dealing with ptsd, which is something they have all gone through before, to a place where she´ll feel more tortured. yay that´s so smart. it will certainly make her feel better (/irony). 

also this thing feyre says and sjm apparently forgets about it throughout the book to make us believe feyre acted solely on nesta´s wellbeing. (i dont´t hate feyre yall it was just clear to me she had ulterior motives to send nesta away and that quote proves it)

“It is about how it reflects upon me, upon Rhys, and upon my court when my damned sister spends our money on wine and gambling and does nothing to contribute to this city! If my sister cannot be controlled, then why should we have the right to rule over anyone else?”

but then the part where nesta calls rhysand “an arrogant, preening asshole” got me laughing so much. this whole scene is a fucking disaster but that part was funny af. 

i only began to really like the book after the scene where nesta helps gwyn by trading the books in merrill´s office. when nesta trully smiled for the first time i literally teared up. 

also nesta´s friendship with the House was amazing. one of the best things in this book. and the whole “the house likes romance books” made me laugh all the time. 

“The book,” Nesta said, a bit breatlessly, “is about...” Her nostrils flared and her eyes went a bit unfocused. “A book”. 

“Interesting”, Cassian murmured, “Sounds great.” 

and this dialogue... pure gold. i’m also like that when i’m reading smut and someone asks me what the book is about hahaha. 

now another thing that bothered me:

“Because illyrians are backward and horrible”  

why is sjm constantly depicting the only POC in acotar as monsters? wht tf did she make them to be abusers? it´s a rhetorical question btw. i think we all know the answer. i´m a firm believer that even though this is a fantasy book, stereotypes like this are still damning and wrong. 

the fighting scene between cassian and azriel and nesta fantasizing about a threesome was funny and weird. i understand sjm wanted to show us who the threesome would be with if she hadn´t deleted it and it actually made me glad she did. it would not have fit the narrative at all.

the sex scenes were great in the beginning but then i got tired of them. i always get tired when there´s that much sex scenes and ik sjm warned us. but it was nessian so i made myself read and care about them. 

nesta´s power damn i was shook. i loved it. all the scenes that showed her power were absolutely amazing. 

now moving on to the worst part of the book. nesta Made the weapons. with her power. therefore they are her weapons. they happened to end in rhysands hands but that doesn´t give him, or feyre, or the ic the right to choose not to tell her about her weapons. the whole high king thing sjm threw out there just to make us see that hey rhysand is not bad yall he doesnt want to usurp power even though he has the weapons for it and his friends actually suggested it. amren could go to fucking hell for all i care after this. also for the things she say when nesta confronts her about it. 

when rhysand and all them found out the baby could kill feyre and didn´t tell her i was already pissed. who the fuck they think they are to deny her the information that she might die and that her son would likely die with her? nothing and no one has that right. not even her fucking mate. no one. i think it was wrong of nesta to tell her the way she did and to only do it out of anger. but i was actually fucking glad someone told her at all. and rhysand threatening to kill nesta only makes me more angry. even feyre can see it was because of the parallel she saw between them not telling her about the weapons and she isn´t even angry at nesta. but rhysand thinks he has the right to be angry after not telling his mate she could die? oh fuck off. 

i actually enjoyed the major plot of this book. the dread trove thing, the queen and koschei was actually pretty interesting to me and i wasn´t bored. it actually made me more interested to read the next books. i had promised myself i would be done with sjm after acosf cause all i ever cared about was nesta but i might keep reading cause i enjoyed this plot. 

since i´ve talked about the worst part (to me) let´s talk about the best parts now. nesta´s, emerie´s and gwyn´s friendship was absolutely everything to me. i love them all so much. i was just so happy to see nesta happy and i fell in love with emerie and gwyn as well. i also love nessian and although some things they said to each other and the way cassian behaved toward nesta in some scenes didn´t really make me happy, i will always love this couple. i just like the version in my mind and fanfics better. and nesta´s whole healing arc was amazing to me. it made me so so proud of her.  

azriel´s present to nesta made me soft. i love them so much omg i wished they had interacted more.  

the scene where it´s revealed nessian are mated is so heartcrushing. it made me sad to see cassian say he was “shackled” to her because she had already admited she felt unworthy of his love and by saying that he just made her feel it all over again. sad sad sad sad sad. i actually cried. 

the whole blood rite thing to me was only to prove to us readers that nesta was strong even without her powers and it was preparing us for what would come. that being said i actually liked it. i think the bond the girls created there and nesta realizing how strong she was made it worth it. 

now to the ending. i unfortunately read spoilers of the ending before i finished the book. so throughout it was already preparing myself for that scene. i think that was part of the reason that i wasn´t pissed by the end of the book. i don´t think power means strenght and i also believe nesta is strong regardless of her power. but i just loved her power, you know. i don´t think she´s any less strong now because everything she learned makes her strong in a different way. but i was just sad. it made me think sjm just didn´t want anyone more powerful than rhysand. 

also sjm really made nesta think of rhysand as her brother, seriously. out of nowhere. he never did one good thing toward her. never. and he also didn´t apologize for the bad things he did. no one apologized actually. nesta and feyre were the only one´s that actually said they were sorry and that realized they were wrong. sjm made nesta apologize to everyone. but only one person apologized to her.  disappointed but not surprised. 

i think that´s all i have to say. this book was truly a rollercoast of emotions to me. i was angry, sad, i laughed, i cried (of sadness and of happiness) and in the end i was just happy. all the things i wrote here were because i couldn´t stop thinking about the book after i finished it and i started realizing some stuff. but i still loved it. nesta is my favorite character and in the end i´m just happy she´s happy. 

#nesta #nessian #acosf #acosf spoilers #this is a mess im sorry

[dea-certe]

Saw this floating around on FB and I can't say this on FB because my family can and will tear me to pieces for it but I gotta get this out somewhere.

1) no one who thinks $100 of groceries is too expensive is going to be spending $100 to go out. Also $100 is not a weeks worth of healthy groceries for even 1 person. Anyone who goes grocery shopping on a regular basis would know this.

2) Supplements? What supplements? The MLM scheme supplements? Yeah, you should avoid those at all costs.

3) what fucking business are you starting that only costs $1000??? Nothing like that exists. And a new iPhone for $1000 can be paid off over the course of 24 months as a part of your monthly cell phone bill. Can the $1000 for a business start up be paid the same way? No? Shocker then that people would choose the latter

4) See "supplements". Those seminars are crap and usually some kind of MLM scheme. Anything you can get from them, you can get for free on EdX or Udemy or Coursera, or the internet. I promise.

5) You know what I can do in 60 min of Netflix? Fold laundry. Do dishes. Cook dinner. Make calls at my job (seriously, if I'm working alone, my phone has Xena or Buffy or Newsroom or West Wing or Leverage on, and I get my shit done just fine). Clean up the bedroom or living room or kitchen. Take a bath. You think I'm ever just sitting around watching a show without doing 2-5 other things at the same time? Also, no offense and all, but a gym membership is gonna be a) more expensive, b) harder to get to, and c) harder to participate in than a Netflix marathon for the majority of people.

I agree with the last phrase, funnily enough. But I dont see anything wrong with prioritizing relaxing, chilling, time to yourself. No one who is a billionaire got there because they decided to forgo eating out, drinking, the newest iPhone, Gucci belts, and/or Netflix binges.

My mom is what I would consider reasonably successful. She makes $70K a year a now (yay!). She was a teen parent who never graduated high school and spent 22 years being married to an bad guy. She got out of that terrible relationship. She had no high school education, and no work skills when she entered her first job. But she did work her way up to her current job and she makes decent money now. And she didn't fucking get there by forgoing Netflix binges and eating out. She never could have afforded Gucci belts or the newest iPhone before she got there either.

This whole thing is just full of such rich white boy bullshit and it ticked me off to see it.

[elliethesuperfruitlover]

tw/venting

ayo the thought of having to go back to school in a little over a month is fucking wild. like.....i feel like i just got out of school and binge watched invincible for the first time. IT FEELS LIKE YESTERDAY. it’s extremely scary thinking about how fast time is passing by because i keep doing the same thing everyday. there’s barely any change in anything. not allowed outside. my IRL friends arent vaxxed yet, and even if they were, my mom’s suspicious of my intentions when going out. and lets not get into the fact that school doesnt stress me out as much, but i’ll be damned if i dont have awful test anxiety still. i feel like everything is fucking passing me by and that sucks ASS. my classmates are going out to beaches and shit, and posting on insta (good for them, i probably need to touch some grass) but like?? i feel like im just being robbed of my life. and teen years and all that. 

i know the pandemic has been hard for LITERALLY everyone. (if you said 2020 was a good year, hush, you’re alone in that regard bestie, dont wanna hear it) but i just......im finally recognizing feelings and all that (shit’s scary man) my thoughts dont match my body whatsoever (not dysphoria, its derealization, or something similar). thats so scary to me. sometimes i catch myself in the mirror and im talking and im like...”thats not me.....oh fuck, it is me.” so i dont look in the mirror and talk aloud, is what im saying. i’ll have a breakdown. but im extremely extroverted. i love people, and seeing people and hugging people. and not feeling like every day that i spend inside of my fucking house is a waste of time because time travel doesnt exist and i cant get any of these days back. at all. it is a never ending cycle. i just want a hug, dude. i’ve never experienced cuddling before either. i would love to platonically cuddle someone. but i got rid of toxic friends (still not over it) and got very radicalized...but for what. my own knowledge and betterment.....but eh. plus i traumadump, nobody wants to hear my sob story, i need to hush. and get in contact with my therapist. and discuss my anxiety issues. and possible depression. and PTSD and so many other things because it’s really not cute. anyways.

also heyy, my body issues are back. like?? hello. not that they ever went away, they just steep for a bit, then start boiling back. and that’s torture for me. having a generally okay body is fine, but then i realize that when i do wear pants, they’re either my overalls (comfort and queerness) or jeans. and yay those are tighter than they were last time. and i know weight fluctuation is a thing that happens, but i really feel like i could do more to not feel as bad. (i mean, sure, i could, but exercising makes me feel horrible mentally so). i see classmates thin and everything (i know thin isnt always healthy, but a part of me wishes that i was bone thin, we wont talk about it) and i know “every body is a bikini body” and i support that initiative 1,000 percent, but A. i have no idea if my parents would even let me get one if i wanted one (i dont) and B. i dont have the confidence to wear something like that. i even hate the fucking swimsuit that i have. i want the fucking full length victorian swimsuits with a shirt and fucking shorts because i cant stand being exposed. my stomach pokes out too much. my arms arent muscly like they were some years back. i just feel....so weird. and the “oh she’s smart, she cant be hot.” one or the other type shit that my brain keeps trying to tell me is real ia NASTY. like heyyy i have a brain, and i use it most days, but my body also shouldnt be fuckshitted like this. this collection of skin and bones keeps me safe (but not from my brain, its on some different shit)

another thing is that i can not wear exposing things. ugh, i would feel so just....out in the open. im literally scared of someone coming behind me and fucking groping me, or slapping my ass. (valid fear) but i literally fucking HATE feeling like that. one, I AM UNDERAGED, and two, ITS NASTY EITHER WAY. and if i went to school, and wore something mildly form fitting, i’d be pushing my body forward to look less noticeable (i dont trust seniors), or pulling my jacket down (i always wear jackets in school) so people arent looking at me. that sucks. and i wish i didnt make my anxiety that bad as to where it just sucks to exist. with a human flesh prison that looks a certain way. i kinda just want to hide my body. permanently. (not dysphoria related, my tits are fine, if they stay, cool, if they don’t, cool) but like...ugh.

and this is where it gets EXTREMELY dark, trigger warning for suicide mention.

yeah last year on the first week of school (virtual) i really wanted to kill myself. which like..isnt okay. i havent really told anyone about that either. because it was an extremely low point for me. i just didn’t think that i could fucking make it through the entire year. all those assignments, and all those days, wasted. im not learning anything valuable (besides maybe science and finance)...i dont know what the fuck i want to do with my life. there’s no such thing as ethical consumption so i’m gonna be contributing to something fucked up, no matter what i do. im weird. and political. and opinionated. and into so many different things. which, y’know, should be cool and fun and fresh. but it terrifies me to know that other people arent like me. that they many never understand my interests. and i feel like this with EVERYONE in EVERY class. unless i see a similar interest. or a tiny flag. but the thought of introducing myself again and again. to more people. who i may never fucking see again. who probably dont care about me. kinda discourages you a bit. so yeah, i really wanted to off myself. it seemed so impossible to get through everything. and then heyyy, near the end of the year, something really shitty happened. was depressed. told my mom i may be autistic... “okay...well....getting diagnoses takes a lot of money. so unless you have 700 bucks laying around....then no.” (who says the person who may ALSO be autistic along with me) few weeks back, talking about my therapist who wanted to talk through the DSM-4 with me “you really think you’re autistic huh.” of course mom. why else would i have written a paper about it, followed actually autistic accounts, and done research on it.

then near the next year, i sucked even more ass. friend shit broke me down and i felt....like i fucked up. which i did. and like i cant keep people in my life. (which is partially true) and i felt more physically exhausted than i had in literal years. i feel very deeply, and especially with negative emotions. so that really fucked me up. (may be something more serious, i have no idea) so there’s that. i just....i’ve never felt like i had been so awful in some time. like i let everyone around me down. so no more of /those/ situations. i dont sleep correctly when my hair is wet, so you can imagine how my dreams were THAT night.

but yeah, i dont feel like wanting to kill myself again. because i know it’s not worth it. but something just keeps pulling me deeper into these disgusting pits of awfulness. like there’s no other way out. (wrong) and gritting my teeth and willing myself to do things is going to hurt, but it’s quite literally the only choice i have. i cant give up. so there’s that. my thoughts and everything. yeah.....it’s 5:10 in the morning, im going the fuck to sleep.

[demelzahcarne]

Only three more episodes to torture myself, the things i do to see them dimples...truly the tortured souls named dalmi and dosan who can't be together, why you ask, don't know ask them writers they keep coming up with nonsense to keep me bitching about this ship. So let's see whats this weeks reason....all the while id be happy if jipyeong would crash land into some chick that is worth his dimples and love, maybe its happening today(as if but who knows im ready for start up miracles)

Arguable, she has been into pathetic territory for a while but that is standard for fierce independent fl in kdramas once they find the perfect dick to hang with 4eva. They lose most of their og spark.

Alright, so the writers were like well HJP won't get her but he will just do all the great gestures cause it keeps this one-sided thing going, and they did that because....? Ah, torture, got it. Anyway, apparently HJP hangs out at granny's for holidays, they have been working together for 3yrs and they dont speak casually with one another? Wow, thats saying a lot, or its just another writers hole, cause that timejump didnt change anything on paper, only hairstyles and phones.

If only that was the truth and there was a change in their non relationship over those 3 yrs. Woah, he is already feeling bad about sth. he said seconds prior, he really is a good boy. But wait, HJP is now indirectly the reason this stupid ship with dalmi and dosan will still not sail, noooooooo. Why, let these fools be together and focus on HJP. If this drama ends with HJP literally pushing these idiots heads together to kiss so dalmi is happy and then all pretendto be besties, I might hurl from the disgust.

NDS still throwing shares around like its candy. He didn't learn anything. Joohyuk came out in that photshoot but whatever...as if knitting nerd who cries every 5minutes has this much confidence....lol

Father and son got a bad hair dye done over these 3yrs...cant believe they still part of this story. But if it gives kang ha-na some lines and money per episode i will take it. If dalmi ever gets as fierce as injae she and her precious boyfriend might survive in this industry.

Never mix pleasure with business, but for them its gonna work. This is just repetition of 3yrs ago....very creative writing indeed.

Like for real, this is bad writing if dalmi who works with injae never told her about granny, and you tell me seo mom and injae havent talked prior, timejumps barely work when they happen before ep16 last 10 minutes...these writers dont think of using logic.

Still 40 minutes to go, shouldnt they be in the woods by now, i want this to be over already. So this is their 300th breakup/goodbye scene and i am laughing, these type of romance stories fall flat with me most of the times except when the couple has smashing chemistry and I believe their pain....I don't believe anything here...I mean did they use permanent markers on a whiteboard? Yeah, they will go far. Oh god, this is symbolism done wrong.

HJP in the elevator was me about the 1/3rd of the sans...I mean where even start...SIGH

The netflix subs are confusing, are they speaking casually now out of nowhere in the car?

Is joohyuk a face for a bike brand if not he should consider it, he almost always rides a bike in his projects. Look at me giving him ideas to get more millions. But yay finally they in the woods and this show is closer to its ending. Huzzah. Okay scratch that not best person to market your bike lol

OMFG granny and injae sharing a scene....

Too many thoughts at once, slow down tortured lovers. They kissed only once right, and barely had boyfriend/girlfriend moment's but they be playing it as tragic lovers, idgi like at all.

What ms yoon said is basically what hjp told them at the beginning and dosan fans started to hate him for, lmao...he always knew what he talked about precious souls just cant stand the truth. He wasnt too harsh though, some working industries just need harsh facts cause mediocre swimming only gets you so far

It could end here, why two more episodes? Off to find the subbed ep for todays #2D1N thats much better content for my mood and my dimple prince.

#start up #why is hjp crying in the car #cant be because the show is ending #throw away the money tree take granny and drive off to wherever none of these people are #repeating myself as usual but srsly the only good thing out of this drama #is that it brought kim seon ho into my life #otherwise its just a constant headshake since ep5/6 #kdrama

[permanent-goblin]

Live Reading Part 2 for The Dream Thieves

So i set the book down for quite a long while and for some reason didn’t go back to it, maybe depression and the entire year that has been 2020. But i am back to reading it. Reminder there will be spoilers!!!!!!!!!

Fair warning the post itself will probably be long.

- So its good to know that Ronan can pull literal demons from his dreams

- also i am seeing more now Ronan’s attraction towards Adam even if he doesn’t quite yet.

- also also, Gansey and blue are crushing so hard on each other jesus christ.

- like these two are so in love my god, the sexual tension is so high.

- Maura....are you...what are you.

-Wonderful to know more about the Grey Man

- MAURA DON’T BE ATTRACTED TO THE ENEMY, oh wait you stole his phone so its okay- WAIT YOU BLUSHED, DON’T MAKE ME WORRIED ABOUT YOU MAURA.

-also poor ronan, his mom is literally a dream, like jesus, his father couldn’t even marry a woman from reality. Granted then we wouldn’t have Ronan but still.

- ooooooohhhhhhhhhh Ronan is the Greywarren........lovely

- omg Gansey your crushing so hard my god.

 - YAY BLUE CONFESSED TO HERSELF THAT SHE HAS A CRUSH ON GANSEY

-WAIT, OMG

 - NOAH YOU JUST OFFERED FOR HER KISS YOU

- AND BLUE ACCEPTED, I WASN’T PREPARED FOR THIS, I WAS PREPARED FOR THE GANSEY X BLUE SHIP NOT NOAH X BLUE HOLY SHIT I AM NOT READY FCVGBHNJMKDCFVGBHNJ

- omg they both suck at kissing XD im fucking dead right now

- aww their laughing how cute-

- “sometimes its better with tongue” NOAH NO, YOUR SUPPOSED TO BE THE PURE SOUL, LORD IF I WASN’T READY FOR A FUCKING PECK I WAS NOT READY FOR A POSSIBLY MAKE OUT SESSION, LORD SAVE MY SOUL FROM DYING!

- aww they are mutually platonic towards each other that’s so adorable

-that bloody kiss wrecked me man

 - “I’d ask you out, if i was alive” DON’T WRECK ME LIKE THIS NOAH, DON’T MAKE ME SHIP YOU TWO, OH FUCKING HELL I SHIP IT AND I CAN UNSEE THE PURENESS OF THE RELATIONSHIP, IT WOULD BE SO BEAUTIFUL, NOW I WANNA CRY CAUSE ITS NEVER GONNA HAPPEN, GOD DAMMIT NOAH YOU ADORABLE BEAN, WHY YOU DO THIS TO ME!

- “I’d say okay” *crying in a corner because of these two*

- AND THEN HE JUST VANISHES, NOAH NO, I HATE WHEN YOU VANISH.

- *has to put the book down for a minute to process what just happen*

- *sighs after cried over the loss of a beautiful relationship* alright ronan, tf are you gonna do.

- okay like i don’t blame him for returning to the barns but also like, aren’t you two like forfeiting three million each, that’s 6 million dollars sweeties, do you know how set for life  id be with 6 million dollars.

- NO THE OTHER DEMON IS IN THE HOUSE, PROTECT MATTHEW AT ALL COST I LOVE YOU RONAN BUT MATTHEW W IS A BEAN THAT DESERVES TO LIVE.

- oh no the Grey Man has the box

- you know what for now, i dont hate kavinsky, he just saved ronan’s ass so you know what, good on him.

- chapter 36: listen, they are both right. But seeing as i can see where Adam has come from i cant just say he is doing it the right or correct way, because in some ways he is not, in some ways he is. i think its wonderful that he tried to do things his way and doesn’t like pity from anyone, but also Adam God damn parish you are not a one man army, you do not need to do things yourself, you need to rely on your friends for fucks sake. if Gansey pities anything about you it is the way you were raised and YES THAT DESERVES PITY. YOU WERE FUCKING ABUSED ALMOST DAILY. boy you are broken, you NEED help, you need to rely on others and I WISH YOU COULD SEE THAT. you are being so stubbornly stupid about your own situation that i am getting mad everytime it comes up. Gansey isn’t trying to be the rich posh guy he was raised to be, he isn’t trying to be Dick Gansey, he is being your friend Gansey, there is a difference and you need to see that, NOT EVERYONE born with a silver spoon in their mouth is narrow minded and looks down on people that don’t have money, all Gansey has ever done is try to help you, not pity or mock you. For fucks sake, get the stick out of your ass. The worst part is is that i dont like being angry at you BECAUSE I KNOW THIS IS CAUSED BY YOUR ABUSE AND ENVIRONMENT. But....ohhh your just frustrating me by not friken listening. i know some of you will not agree and think im wrong, hell most of you might but as someone who comes from abuse and is currently doing therapy, this just isnt the way to do it in my eyes. but hey its his fown life, he makes his own decisions, fine let him to him, even if it ends in a train wreck.

-*mouth gaped after kavinsky’s reveal, looking to in invisible cameras like what the hell*

- “falling in love with maura...” WAIT WHAT YOU GENERALLY HAVE FEELINGS FOR HER.

- oh boy, i think he is going to target kavinsky, just when i started liking the boy, what a game of thrones move.

- Adamis gone, kavinsky is doing soemthign bad to ronan prob, gansey is about to bust a blood vessel, lord allmighty

- *he entirety of what happened in adam’s vanishing making me both mad and also sympathic and also like my point just got proven and so did gansey’s* *sighs* oh adam, i wish there was a way i could help you.

- like im glad kavinsy is helping ronan hone his skill, but like i dont approve of the method, feels just wrong, like the forest itself disapproves and that there will be backlash.

#the raven cycle #the dream thieves

[sirene312]

oh GOD guys…. You have no idea the crusade i had to went through just to be sitting here, with my dear computer working again, and enjoying the joy of 1.9 Mbps internet connection speed. First thing on the front page of my dash was three shitposts on a row, new niche memes, and good ‘ol fandom drama. god how I missed this hell site. 

In case anyone wants to know what happened, I will put behind a ‘read more’ the story of a missing computer part that quickly become a detective mission, that dragged me unwillingly into the wild ride I didn’t signed for when pressing ‘buy’ on an online store.

TL;DR at the end bc this is very long. English is not my first language so please bear with me! 

Okay, some of you may know a bit about me since apparently i don’t have a “dude shut up! Stop oversharing your woes!!!” button on me but hey here are some things to know about me in case you are curious: I live in Venezuela and not having internet is my personality trait, living in my country is very hard, hard like trying to play the Rainbow Road of Mario Kart but you have butter on your hands, your eyes are closed and you are running on the rain while there is a 8.0 earthquake happening. That hard. I work as a freelance graphic designer and make art commissions so me and my family can survive the economic crisis on my country, having internet and a working computer is a really big deal, like literally we eat thanks to it. Now you see how that would led me to spend a whole month chasing and stressing over a stupid part my computer needed.

Back in December, remember last season of “what’s troubling Sirene now?” where i spend almost a month without internet and then yay internet is back! for like two days? well, after Christmas there was a sudden power cut one night and i was on my computer working on a commission but since this is now a common occurrence i didn't think anything of it …until next day when i tried to switch my computer ON it didn't. I tried everything to revive it, grabbing anxiously my hair, walking on circles, and pressing continuously the power button, you know everything, but it was in vain. It’s dead, Jim. As you can imagine i had a breakdown when i realized i won’t be able to work anymore and needed to buy a new power supply since this one was toast…and was without internet friggin again. AGAIN. I survived till now using my crappy phone data but heavy apps hardly load, tumblr/ao3/twitter sometimes loaded if i refreshed them like a madman. 

My computer is a tiny model and has a power supply that apparently is made by beavers in Narnia, because is so uncommon that the only stores that sell them are on my Capital city two states away from where i live. Knowing this, there is not other alternative for me but to use a online store and shipping the package here, in theory sounds simple right? a reminder that this is a third world country, where everything is falling apart and barely holding it together with chewing gum and prayers, what are the odds of something going wrong hmm….

Okay, this happened in the week after Christmas and before New Year's Eve, so of course all stores in my country decided to go on vacation and return on January. I impatiently waited for two online stores to be back on business that have the power supply i need, they were physical stores too so i thought i would be safe. i liked one more than the other and, as i told my friends, i felt like a telenovela protagonist that was on a love triangle with two galanes but the hotter one was in coma and the other just had 3 episodes in, meaning that the better rated store was still offline and the other was online but only had like 3 products sold …not very reassuring but i desperately needed to start working again so i went with that one. Big mistake.

Everything started on Tuesday, January 14. 

Mercado Libre is a page where people sell things like Amazon, this is where the seller of the power supply was, after you click on buy, you can see the seller info and a chat to talk to them, i wrote but there was not immediate response so i called, i spoke to a woman and she told me to text her on WhatsApp, that should have been my first red flag, if the app had a perfect chat option there why text outside of it?? 

whatever, i went and text her, asked when would she send the package and she told me “tomorrow” the shipping company she was going to use is called “Zoom” (remember that name bc it will be mentioned a lot) when you send something they give the sender (the store) a tracking number the sender should give YOU in order for the shipping office (Zoom) in your city to give you the package. (this number is important)

this was my first time buying anything online so i didn’t know any of that just vaguely knew how it worked, so i asked her if she the next day would give me the tracking number or the shipping company would call me when my package was on the shipping center? and she told me “both, i will give you the number and they are going to call you” I said perfect, thank you very much and thought ‘hey that went well!’ 

Unknown to me, for the next 10 days i was going suffer a weird and painful skin reaction on both hands, and man…it was bad (tw graphic description of a skin condition ahead) the skin on the palm of my hands completely fell off, and it burned like i had scraped my hands on the sidewalk and someone was pouring lemon juice on them. Ouch. as you can imagine all my attention was on what was going on with my hands. I still don’t know what could have caused that severe reaction.

With difficulty texted the woman on Monday 20 i asked again for the tracking number but she said “i’m waiting for the bike delivery guy to give me the number but your package was sent” so she -the store seller- dont go personally to Zoom to send the packages and some else does, i tell the woman again to give me the number as soon as she has it, bc Zoom has an app you can check your package rute and status with that number, she said “okey amiga”.

That week, i could barely lift a fork i was suffering from whatever it was that happened to my hands until my mom found an Aloe Vera plant and i started to rub that gooey, viscose gel thingy on my hands and was slowly getting better, (seriously guys, Aloe Vera plants are a godsend keep one or 10 at home) by the time i suddenly remembered about the package it was Friday 24 the woman didn’t text me anything like she said would do and i didn’t receive any calls either all week, so friday i text her asking again for the tracking number and oh yes finally she has it! My happiness was short lived because……THE PACKAGE WAS RETURNED.

Something occurred and there was an error on the address or something (I triple checked all my personal info was in order before i gave it to her -thanks anxiety!- so i know it was not on me) i was so furious if only the woman had given me the friggin number sooner that week, i would have realized there was something wrong and would have gone to the Zoom on my city where the package was being held before it was returned to the capital. She told me she would send again my package that Friday BUT Zoom only works mon-fri not weekends. Now I need to wait till monday to receive my thing. great.

Monday 27 rolls in and that week i proceeded to text the woman EVERY SINGLE DAY asking if she had sent my package, i hated being a nuisance texting so much but it was necessary, money is getting short and we need food. 

On Wed 29 I even texted her a desperate plea, i told her please i need my power supply to start working again! and you know how she responded? BY LEAVING ME ON SEEN. i called her until she answered and she told me “oh i sent it today” she assured me, in the most unsure voice she could muster, that she totally did it.

So I went the next day to the Zoom office and surprise! it was a lie, she didn’t send anything, nada! again asked her for the new track.num. and she told me “amiga the thing is that …the package has not arrived here. is still in your State.“ [*record scratch*] hmm whAT?

I immediately called Zoom and asked them to tell me where my package is? Where is it!?, it’s still in my city or in the Capital?? So they gave me a number for the returned package to check on the app and…said it arrived at the Capital Fri. 24. Not only that but it was marked as "given to the client” aka the sender. 

Now I realize this woman has been lying to me. For a whole week. I text her screenshots of where the package was and she tells me that supposedly the package is not on Zoom there and insists it is here in my State. A friend knows someone that works on Zoom that checks their database and confirms that no, is not here anywhere and that definitely arrived in the Capital. even shows that a man named A. Rodriguez was the one that picked up the package. Who is this man?? what's going on?

here's a meme i sent my friends in the group chat while i was trying not to freak out about all this. 

This has become a "she-said, he-said" situation because the woman keeps insisting Zoom is the one at fault about the whereabouts of my missing package but Zoom says Hold it! And slaps continuous evidence that shows the places where the package has been at all times. 

Meanwhile I’m like “where the hell is my power supply??? All I want is to work. Why is this happening to me?” ;_;

So far what we know:

Package arrived in my city but was returned to the city of origin (the Capital) on Friday 24.

The following week the store seller lied to me and would everyday promise to send the package again to me. and never did.

On Thursday 30 the woman tells me that the package never arrived from my city and she’s waiting for it to “arrive” but the shipping office tells me the package was returned a week ago on Fri. 24 so it’s impossible that it has not arrived. not for nothing they are called ZOOM they deliver fast.

the app even says “given to the client”, and one thing I know for a fact, is that it is near impossible to pick up a package from there without the friggin tracking number, they won’t even give you info about it without it. so it’s very unlikely that a random person just walked away with it.

so we have two possibilities: 

1. Someone from Zoom stole it. Ok, feasible. Corrupt people working on this kind of service in my country steal things of value all the time. still i doubt this was the case, the company seemed really concerned and would try their best to help me find my package giving me all the info i requested, even the name of the person who took it. 

2. the store seller lied again and the man who took the package is the same bike delivery guy that transported it there in the first place. That's how they were able to take it from there so easily. She denied knowing anyone named A. Rodriguez but she has lied before so i don’t trust her word. To me, this is the more likely scenario for what happened to the package. 

February comes and still I have no idea where is my package and the woman keeps making excuses as to why she “hasn’t found it” she again leaves me on seen after I asked for information, next day I called her non stop because now I’m pissed and i want answers, she finally text me that she will send another power supply since she “couldn’t find the first one” no further explanation whatsoever, and tells me will send it on Friday, but remember that Zoom don’t work on weekends so the new package will be staying on the Zoom office until Monday, my friend tells me that is not good what if the thief works there and steals it again? so I asked the woman to send it on Monday and she tells me that only Tuesdays they send all their stuff to be delivered….now she tells me the store have a specific delivery day? Now? 

I’m not happy about waiting for more days but there is nothing i can do about it so February 11 is here and I send the woman a text telling her to take a photo of the receipt with the tracking number so the story of the first package won’t repeat, and guess what? The woman left me on seen!! you don’t know how that blue seen mark got me shook. that stressed me so bad that finally I had enough, my friends encouraged me to cancel the order and ask for a refund, I stopped texting her on WhatsApp and left a ultimatum on the Mercado Libre chat, that way I had proof on that page of the fraud this woman was pulling on me and could get her banned there. I should have done that before but the need to repair my computer blinded me and was what kept me trying so hard to get my power supply. Desperation can drive you to make foolish decisions. 

After my ultimatum, the woman changed her tune and was very solicitous, and replied super fast, even said on the chat “let it be noted we are a serious company and always answered all your messages” yes, she said THAT, can you believe the audacity, the nerve? I immediately reply “since you didn’t answer any of my texts yesterday, can’t fault me for expressing here my concern about my purchase.”  Then I said very politely but with finality that if she did not send me the photo of the receipt with the tracking number the next day I would not hesitate bitch to ask for a refund. And what do you know? Worked like a charm. The next day the first thing in the morning on my phone was a photo of the receipt.

 SO yes this unnecessary long story has an anticlimactic but happy end after all! Next morning I happily went to the Zoom office and after a whole month of countless lies, unanswered texts, blood, sweat, and tears, I picked up mypower supply. Reunited at long last! This happened on February 14. Valentine’s Day. Love -and being persistent af- always wins! 

TL;DR I bought online a new power supply, the seller tried to scam me or something bc lied about how my purchase was “lost” saying the shipping company was the culprit. Sending me on a wild goose chase trying to find my package. i had to threaten her with a refund to get her to send me finally my power supply.

#this is why i disappeared for a while #can't believe this drama lasted for a whole month #but im glad its finally over

[nefariouscryptid]

Me backieee! What is your OC's life philosophy? I mean their way of coping with life and what or who they hold dear. Their values, personality preferences, way of thinking, approach of things, etc. Thanks!

Yay my favorite of anon is back

Hmm, bit of a tricky question since a lot of my ocs dont value much, not truly at least. But this is what they do and how they view the world and their morals.

Peter: the world is his chess board. He can do whatever he wants and face no consequences. He’s not so delusional to where he thinks it’s impossible to fail, but he has the mindset everything will work out for him. He says he thinks logically, but in reality he thinks more on an educated impulse. While he thinks about the consequences and what he will gain from what he does, or lose from what he does, his ideas aren’t pondered over for too long. He doesn’t care enough about the bad that could happen and cares more about the good. Which isn’t.. “good” just benfitial to him. He likes people that aren’t exactly like him, and he likes people that aren’t pushovers, and those that don’t let things like extreme morality and remorse control them. While he finds it easier to work with people that just listen to what he says, he admires those that stand up for themselves, those who can have a good balance of compassion and apathy. Although the latter pisses him off the most if it interferes with him. He approaches things more head on, back then he would be right there when everything would go down. But after the accident he had regarding some of Ivan’s soldiers nearly killing him, he now controls from the sidelines. He likes to be there as much as he can, but he’s not going to risk his life like that ever again. He will control from the comfort of his own master bed or office. When it comes to people he cares about, he becomes very possessive of them, while also trusting they can care for themselves, sometimes trusting them a little too much. As long as they will remain forever in his life, they can do as they please. He doesn’t like when people rely on him so much emotionally. It’s a good ego boost but he can’t stand when people look to him for mental help and guidance. He’s not their damn therapist. He expects everyone to leave him, and he’s tried mentally preparing himself for that. Key word: try. Luckily for him he cares about very little. But the things he cares about, he cares about so, so much.

Anahii: the world is filled with selfish people, and a lot of evil. She’s lost complete faith in humanity, seeing how the public turns such a blind eye to the problems in the world, how they act like they care, or just how many truly evil people work for evil things. Sometimes it still comes as a surprise to her. But she knows she’s no different. She’s selfish too, a cold, gold digger. For those she cares about, deep down she wishes they would just change. Fit the mold that she wants, but she’s never going to admit that, never going to admit that she cares. For now she will bury herself in meaningless items, and meaningless sex. She used to be afraid of who she grew up as, and who she’s become. But she no longer cares about how violent she is, the people she’s killed, the things she’s said. It doesn’t affect her life ultimately since she knows (thought) she will never be caught. She keeps everyone at a distance, and has a cautious mind. Her moral standpoint is also more or less non existent. Whatever doesn’t affect her won’t concern her. She can’t think of any personality preferences she cares for, but she likes stability. A rock to lean on. She will handle problems head on, hating having to rely on anyone to do it themselves. If she can do it by herself, she will. She will use whatever she needs to, mental force or physical force. A job is like a mission to her.

Jason: the world blurs by him. If he’s honest he can’t remember much from the last 20 or so years. He can’t remember the peoples he’s slept with, talked to, killed. He never bothers learning names, their interests, anything of the sort. Not much in life matters to him long term. He likes the high, the insane amounts of money, the power he’s gotten alongside Peter. But in the end life to him is lonely. He feels empty, and he feels like the world has nothing more to provide him. He contemplates why he doesn’t just kill himself, seeing how much time he feels he’s wasted, but he’s got that hope that maybe things will change, he will get that pit filled. He doesn’t regret his life, or many of his choices. He doesn’t care about the countless heartbroken women he’s shunned away and used, doesn’t care about the scared people he’s killed, ones that were just doing their jobs, because in his eyes they could provide him nothing that he wants in his life. They’re just a body. He doesn’t bother to know them because he doesn’t want to care. He already knows what happens when he cares about people. He doesn’t want to feel that kind of desperation ever again. For now he will sit in his giant mansion alone, sipping some bourbon, and ignore the empty feeling. He handles problems from the side,not liking to get completely involved. He snipes, staying away from the action, and silently stalks. He walks away with blood free hands, but they aren’t clean.

Cooper: he’s very involved with his surroundings, likes to know everything that’s going on in the world. He hates ignorance, would rather know everything that could hurt him or those he cares for. He’s invested in his job, his tasks. He likes to be completely hands on, knowing every detail, know every one. If he has to sell something to a new face, he likes to know everything about them, down to their family and hometown. He gets involved, rather then keeping people at a distance. Sometimes this leads to him feeling remorse over what he has to do, but his mind is robotic when in a job, especially when it goes wrong. He feels more like a cars sales man using someone’s financial status to sell them an overly priced car. He can switch his facade on and off. He doesn’t care about the world, he knows how awful everyone is, and chooses not to think about all the good people he’s had a hand in hurting. He only cares about his world. His Wife and Husband. He will put anyone on the line to keep them safe. He’s already lost someone dear to him because of his own mistakes and he’s dammed if it will happen again. So if him fucking over thousands of innocent keeps his family under the protection of the Durantes and with financial stability, then so be it.

Plethora: he’s a good balance of untrustworthiness and hopefull to the world. He understands how awful the world can be, how much people don’t know. But he understands that there’s a lot of good people out there, people that he doesn’t want to hurt. He justifies his actions based on what kind of person he’s killing. He, like cooper, learns everything about who he is assassinating, to see all the evil this does. He doesn’t like being in the unknown if he just did a horrific thing or not. But with him knowing, he may also know he just killed an innocent man. Those thoughts keep him up at night. He tells himself it’s just a part of his job, that the people he’s killed ultimately deserved it, were awful people. Sometimes he even boasts about it, how good of a kill it was. But it doesn’t stop him from being eaten up at night, the thoughts of how many families he’s destroyed. He desperately hopes he doesn’t end up like them, losing a member of his family. So he becomes protective, keeping his husband and wife at arms reach. He knows there’s more people like him out there, many worse people out there, but he will protect them just fine. Seeing them alive and happy is enough to push his worries to the back of his mind, at least for a while.

Cassandra: she views the world in statistics and numbers. She doesn’t see the life a person has lived, the fear they felt as they were hurt or died, but sees them as a number. She’s constantly dealing with numbers, working in stocks and money. So she thinks with more logic, ponders more on what she’s going to do, thinks of the consequences. She doesn’t want her or those she cares about to become a statistic. Her life is filled with exceptions. Those who become close to her no longer just become a blank face or a number, but they become a real person. She becomes invested in them, wanting them to be happy and healthy. She likes those with outgoing attitudes, and those that can help themselves and stand up for themselves. It’s what’s drawn her to her husbands. She enjoys that’s she’s not heavily relied on for help, and is cared for while also being able to care for them. She loves the balance. She’s willing to do what’s necessary for those she cares for, but will also do what she feels will work and what is right. Still, family above all.

Michelle: she knows there’s good on Earth. She knows that there’s so many people out there who have loved, had cared for others, who have had dreams, aspirations, interests. She knows everyone that she has hurt or killed has had those things. And now they’re nothing, they’re rotting in the ground, if they were lucky enough to even be buried. She doesn’t care about how the evil outweighs the good, she cares about those who didn’t deserve the pain they go through. She regrets getting herself involved into this shit, she despises those who are so unbearably selfish and care only about something so mundane and insignificant as power. She admires compassion, and admires the good. She values herself as a person, and is constantly on the journey to whatever personal growth she needs, but feels like she’s constantly being set back. She wants to help herself before she can be ready to help others, and knows that’s the right choice. She will fix this, what she’s contributed to. For everyone’s sake.

Gwen: she doesn’t know better. She was raised into this, raised to not question what she’s doing or the right and wrong. So she doesn’t know why she feels the pang of what she assumes is guilt when something she does hurts another. It’s not crippling, but nagging. She likes making people happy, making them laugh. But also likes seeing the fear in ones eyes when she does something she’d like to call “hella badass”. She doesn’t know what she wants, because she doesn’t know what else there is. This life is all she’s ever known, but once she gets the taste of a different world, she begins to learn what she feels and what she really wants in life.

Aj: unlike Gwen, she got the vision of a better life. One with kids playing in the street, a mother playing with her daughters, car rides past the school she would soon go to. It’s faint, a blur of colors and feelings, but she remembers it. She despises those she’s surrounded by, wishes that she could meet new people that are different, less selfish. She was young, too. When she was taken with her sister. She barely has an idea of what someone her age should be doing, what she should want. Instead she’s adopted the professional and agitated persona. It’s safe. But she finds solace in the little things, and if she can’t help herself she will help her sister, Gwen. She enjoys being around people that let her lean on their shoulder, one that makes her life feel less like work. Someone else that gives her something to fight for, even though she should fight for herself.

Ivan: humans are insignificant. They’re nothing, nothing in the grand scheme of things. But he, he is so much more. He’s survived more then any human could, done more then even the richest billionaire could desire. He’s gotten away with so much, can make people drop dead at the snap of his fingers. He despises competition, men like Peter, but deals with the chronic boredom. What can a man like himself do when he can do anything? He doesn’t consider the things that could go wrong, because nothing can go wrong. It never does, not in his eyes. But when it does he’s enraged. He feels a personal attack, someone who defies against him, the prophet- no, the god. The all seeing eye, big brother. He controls, because that’s his power. To control and to see. To manipulate, and to decimate. He will... accommodate. If it benefits him. He chooses not to see it as him being controlled, but more people falling into his trap. If one is unlucky to be hated by him, you might as well live in a bunker. But if you’re unlucky enough to be loved by him, have fun being his marionette, his trophy. You’re better off not knowing him at all.

#alex banters #asks #my ocs #peter durante #anahii durante #jason byrne #cooper valentino #plethora valentino #cassandra valentino #michelle wilson #gwen richman #aj richman #ivanoff frikoski

[starkerinlove]

Is this Happiness

Tony Stark/ Peter Parker.

Part 1

( Spiderman kidnaps Tony to get the avengers to stop trying to capture him. Only then, Peter realizes how bad avengers treat Tony and vows to take care of Tony Stark, Earth's best defender and his childhood crush and hero better. This is Tony and Peter helping each other and finding the happiness they deserve.)

Tony wakes to being bound by some strange rope like substance which is soft at the same time. His head is covered in a black cloth bag of some sort and his legs were tied to the chair with the same substance. The last he remembers is fighting some bots. The now pardoned Rouge avengers had called him to the fight. They had promptly blamed him for the bots even though he would never make anything soo mindless. He had made better bots when he was 17 years old and drunk of his head colllege student.

He didn't know who had kidnapped him or how. Just as he was trying to get out of the rope or figure out a way to reach Friday, the bag covering his head was yanked off. The light was too bright, squinting his eyes he could see someone dressed in red and blue, some sort of spandex or pajamas. Oh, now he remembered, it was Spiderman, the guy Shield had been trying to 'recruit', or thats what the other avengers said anyway. They had been trying unsuccessfully to capture him for a while now. But he didn't get why this guy decided to kidnap him. Tony wasn't even part of avengers anymore, just their wallet and fire power.

"So, Mr. Stark i thought it was time, we had a little talk. Seeing how you avengers are soo eager to get me and all."

Ahh,so another problem he was gonna get blamed for that he had no control over. This day was just getting better and better. " listen here Spiderman, I'm gonna be honest. I have no hand in what the avengers do, so you might want to take your grievances to the other spandex clad hero or maybe your arachnid sibling."

Somehow Tony could see the disbelief on the guy's face though his mask. That was cool. Maybe Tony could do that to his suit too. Then he could show how unimpressed he was with the rogues without having to leave the safety of his suit. Yay, this was something he will be looking into.

"Look, i don't know how else to spell it out for you. I don't control the avengers. I m only tech, money and public face for them when things go wrong. Kinda like a sugar daddy who gets no sugar and all the contempt." Saying it out loud hurt quite a bit but Tony always knew this to be true,so he had to say it if it would get him out of this.

The guy seemed to hink for sometime before he answered, "Mr. Stark, i don't know how much i believe you. You are the best fighter among the avengers,thats why i brought you here, so we could talk and get this resolved. I'm the friendly neighborhood Spiderman, Mr. Stark. I wouldn't hurt you"

"Yay, you have a funny way of being friendly", Tony grumbled.

Again Tony could see the the guy becoming awkward and uncomfortable through his mask. He had no idea how that was possible. And his web like rope wasn't having any give. It was neither cutting into Tony nor it was loosening. Tony really really wanted to study it. And like the guy had said he was friendly neighborhood Spiderman. He doesn't harm anyone, so

"Hei, tell you what, you get me out of these ropes, let me study your suit and web and ill have a talk with the avengers and shield and try to get you immunity. How does that sound,huh?"

The guy backed a little bit, posture becoming defensive, " Why do you want to study my suit and web? "

"Well, you know me, I'm Tony Stark. Ofcourse i wanna study this engineering marvel. I have seen your webs holding more than 10 tons and still have enough flexibility and give for you to swing around, its really brilliant, spidey"

" uh, wow, You just complimented my invention. I mean you, Tony Stark, genius inventor, scientist of the century, Iron man just complimented me....yeah, this is awesome. Thank you soo much Mr. Stark. Big fan. Love your work" The guy was practically gushing at this point, bumbling on his feet like an excited puppy.

Tony couldn't help grinning. Wow this was the best kidnapping till date. It was soo long since he had someone genuinely happy and enthusiastic about his inventions.

"So what do you say spidey?, wanna let out your hero. I promise ill try help you out with the avengers."

The guy seemed to deflate on the spot. " I'm so sorry Mr. Stark. I can't do that. I really need the avengers to back off. I have tried talking to them. But they don't listen and thats why i thought if i made someone listen, this could be resolved. But, i can't let you go, now. "

" So whats the plan here. Kill me and make me an example of what would happen if they dont let you be? "

" Of course not Mr. Stark. I would never hurt anyone. I'm just going to keep you here, till they stop coming after me. But Mr. Stark you have to believe me, i will not hurt you Mr. Stark. I swear."

When Tony pointedly rocked his chair using the web binds, the kid resured Tony, " Are they hurting you Mr. Stark, they are supposed to be soft so they don't cut into skin. But, I'll even take them off if you promise not to leave. "

It was cute how the guy was so naive and also how much he cared for Tony's comfort. More than how much his teammates seemed to do. Tony was gripped by the memory of bleeding out in Siberia left to die by his so called teammate. Tony shook his head, took a deep breath.

" okay spidey, i promise to not leave. Get me out of these and get me some water if you have. "

The kid immediately got him out of the binds with some dissolvent. He had to study that too.

The guy gave him some water from a back pack which was lying on the floor of some, Tony took a good look around, floor of some abandoned warehouse. Orignal.

After drinking his fill of water, Tony looked at he guy. " So what are we doing, spidey, i hope you have a plan?"

" I already told you Mr. Stark. I just have to make the avengers listen to me. Now that i have you they will have to listen. We just wait."

Tony let out a self-deprecating laugh nad said " Yeah, real solid plan there spidey. Except you seemed to have forgotten an important part. They don't care about me. So yeah, not gonna work"

" But, you.....you are Iron man, sir and you are a hero and their friend Mr. Stark. Of course they would care about you" The guy said it like Tony was just a child with self-esteem issues, like he was preplexed by the very idea of someone not caring about Tony Stark.

Tony almost wished that were true. " Whatever. I'm telling you as it is. You can believe me or not"

Tony was just realizing how much his whole body hurt from the battle and then getting knocked out has given him a killer headache. He knew without his suit he wasn't going to be able to fight a super powered guy. Moreover he seemed sweet enough. Tony was gonna sleep and hope all of this resolves itself tomorrow. By then the guy would have realized it was futile to try use Tony as a bargaining chip and hopefully would let him leave. Or maybe Tony will try buying his way out of this. Yay he will do that tomorrow.

He dragged the chair he had been tied to, to a corner and sat leaning on a wall. His eyes were getting heavy. He was even strangely feeling safe with spidey around. Weird. Maybe he was just too drugged up. He slowly lost himself to sleep feeling someone sit near him, softly running hands through his hair.

#starker #iron man #spiderman #tony deserves happiness

[remmiesaloser]

13 Years | 4 Weeks

honestly, I dont know which of the two have been longer in my life. 

so recently I ended a 13 year long relationship with the guy I've been dating since my freshman year of high school. it took me this long to understand, acknowledge, and accept the relationship was emotionally (and borderline physically) abusive and thanks two my two best friends and a very nice therapist I asked him to move out.

I thought the overwhelming life style change would be the hardest. I haven't been alone since I was 14 and it took me a long time to build up the courage to end things because I am terrified of change and had little to no idea what to do without him. to my surprise I've adapted to being alone pretty well. the loneliness does get to me sometimes - I miss those moments we had where we could have a conversation without speaking. I miss over a decade’s worth of inside jokes, and it still hurts when I see something and instantly think of him cause it was our thing.

its a daily struggle to remind myself why I did this because its frighteningly easy to minimize the damage he did when he’s not here to do it every day. the gaslighting and emotional manipulation isn't something that just switches off or diminishes with distance. somehow, in some super shitty, unfair way, it gets worse. because im left alone with my thoughts that he’s managed to turn against me and they’re still working angles for him that catch me off-guard sometimes. I still battle with guilt for making him move out, because I feel terrible that now he’s stuck living with his mom and all his things are in boxes. and I hate that it’s gonna take a long time for that to go away. 

but I digress. because all of that isn’t the hardest part. the hardest part is getting him the fuck out of this apartment. we 'ended things’ April 5th. there are quotes around that because we haven’t officially broken up. like, I told him I needed a break till he gets his shit together, and he’s all but moved out, but I haven’t even changed our relationship status on Facebook (yay, guilt!) and we haven't really agreed that we’re broken up. Jesus, again I digress. ANYWAYS. I knew it was gonna be a process to move him out because our lives are so intertwined that we’ve had to go through rooms and drawers and boxes one by one separating our shit. and this process has been fucking agonizing because he is dragging his goddamn feet. 

Initially I thought we were gonna bang this out in a weekend, get all the shit out and be done. A month later, and there’s still a pile of his shit at the top of the stairs, a handful of things in the corner of the living room (including the giant china cabinet filled with his things) and his grandmother’s dishes in my cupboards. but that’s a post for another day. because right now im just gonna vent about him taking his sweet ass time, being insanely petty, and still somehow fucking manipulating me when he doesn’t even live here anymore. 

honestly the pettiness and inconsideration for my own time and requests is the biggest thing that’s getting to me, what’s driving me to write this. most of the time he’s been here for his shit, his mom’s been with him, and I was chalking up a lot of the pettiness to her. because he’d be here to get the things from the living room, and hours after they'd left I’d notice small things had been taken from other parts of the house. now some of the stuff he’s taken was his, just something I was using with him that I’d assumed he’d at least mention he was taking. im a lot of things, but selfish isn’t one of them and honestly unless it’s something from my family or something that I bought that was expensive, I don’t care. he can have it. It’s more the fact that, when I need something all of a sudden I cant find it and realize he took it. 

like, his nana’s pots and pans. They’re a really nice set his mom let us have and I fully expected them gone. my only request was that he give me a heads up so I could go out and get my own set when he planned to take them because with them gone, all I’d have left is a few frying pans. This is our conversation from that weekend:  

This was Saturday afternoon. He never told me he wasn’t going to come by Saturday, and gave me a 15 minute heads up he was on his way over on Sunday - which did me no good because I wasn’t even home. That meant I couldn’t clean out the dressers (I didnt want to do it until the day he was going to get them because I would have to leave my clothes on the bed until I could get my own dresser from my parent’s house once his were gone). When I got home, all of my clothes were thrown on my bed and the ground.I had to rewash a bunch of shit, refold everything, and then clean the entire room from the mess that was made. 

fucking on top of that, his mom decided to take the pots and pans. I’d specifically asked him Saturday because I was going to Walmart and could have bought a new set for myself while there. I didn't want to buy them until I needed to because I’m trying to save money and didn’t get paid that weekend, so I figured if he’s not taking them I don’t need to get things until I get paid next weekend. Wrong. I had to go out that night again and get a set because, as I said, all I had were 3 frying pans and a skillet thing. Oddly enough, she didn’t take the dishes. They were her mom’s, just like the pots and pans, and for some reason she didn’t want them... don’t worry, I already plan to pack them up this weekend and give them back because lord knows what’ll happen if I dont and she decides she wants them six years from now. 

honestly though the biggest level of petty was the Tylenol PM. I know, it’s not a big deal. But it’s just one of those little things that I stopped and was like, are you fucking kidding me. I noticed that, after taking his bed and dressers, the pack of tissues he’d got us from Sam’s was gone. Again, he bought them, whatever. would’ve been nice for him to tell me so I had a heads up to fucking get them when I was at Walmart but whatever. he also took a 6-pack of toilet paper he’d gotten literally the day we ended things (because he’d gone to king Soopers with his mother instead of talking to me about the fight we’d had) and he’d initially told me to keep it, it was for me anyways. I noticed just last weekend it was gone. 

but the fucking Tylenol PM. I'm not one to buy brand name medicine. if I can get store brand, I will. Almost all my medicine is store brand except that Tylenol PM because I was really sick one year and wanted the good stuff. Y’all know how expensive Tylenol is. I sprang for it, and I used it sparingly because I didnt want to have to buy more if I didn’t really need it. Well, two weekends ago I fell down a fucking mountain. I was running a trail down a mountain, tripped, flew through the air, and landed on my shoulder and kneecap. It still hurts, and that day I was in a lot of pain. The regular Tylenol and Ibuprofen that I’d been switching back and forth with all day just wasn’t doing the trick and I was like, okay. this is a Tylenol PM kind of pain. That night, right before bed, I went to grab it from the bathroom cabinet. 

it was gone. the rest of my medicines, the store brand acetaminophen and store brand ibuprofen, those were still there, but the Tylenol PM was gone. It has exclusively only lived either on the dresser/nightstand in the bedroom, or the bathroom cabinet. as he took the dresser and nightstand, and it wasn’t in the cabinet, it had been taken. I cannot tell you how livid I was. it still pisses me off. because of all the things to take he took that. Not the rest of his bathroom shit, not even all his shit from the bedroom. but he took the Tylenol PM. I even asked if he knew where it might be - thinking he’d come across it at some point. he told me “it’s always been in the linen closet” where the rest of our medicines are. It was never there, but I checked the entire closet just in case - nothing. Again, I know it’s small. it’s just a bottle of pills. but it’s the whole damn thought behind it. 

there’s more things too - the fact that no, he doesn’t take all his things from a certain room, and I have to then box the rest of his shit up, move it out of my way, and clean the room that he trashed. 

It’s the fact that 90% of the things on our walls were his (which helps show me how little say I had on my own things in the apartment I exclusively pay for) and now that he’s taken them, he’s left the walls, hooks, and nails behind. most of them are up way above my head - he needed a ladder to put them in - and now they’re littered all over the wall. today, as he worked to get the shit from our front bedroom (hopefully the last things he’ll need to get) I asked him if he could also get the nails and hooks out of the wall because I can’t reach them. he asked me, “did you try using the step-ladder?”. I answered no, and he simply said, “that should work then”. Like, no. you put those up, so you could display all the things of yours YOU wanted to display (3 out of 4 walls in the room were covered with his things) and now he can’t even take the tacks down even though he took the hangings down. 

and then of course, it’s the fact that he just leaves a mess in his wake. when he first moved things out of the living room it was a mess. I spent hours rearranging shit, packing up the rest of his shit that he left behind, and then cleaning up everything because I still have to live here. it was the same with the bedroom. and now it’s gonna be the same thing with the front room. I told him today that everything needs to be out by next weekend because I can’t do this every weekend. He asked what I meant by ‘this’ and explained that I was tired of having to clean up everything that got messed up. He told me simply “it’s not being destroyed. I’m just taking my things”. At the moment the entire room was in shambles, everything askew from him digging his things out and leaving my stuff lying in piles. It’s cleaned up now - save the pile of boxes and junk at the top of the stairs - but I told him I have to clean up the mess that’s left behind. He didn’t have an answer for that. 

Honestly there’s really not a point to this. I’m just pissed, I’m annoyed, and I’m angry, and I’m sad. I’m just tired. And I wanted to vent. So if you stuck with me through this, I wanna thank you for listening. I appreciate being heard, because I haven’t been for so long. your time means a lot to me. 

#abuse #emotional abuse #physical abuse #mental abuse #gaslighting #manipulation #breakup #ending a relationship #thoughts #rant

[sirius-lysad]

Diary entries of (y/n)

~oop im back. This just kid of poped into my mind. Feedback is welcome

(Y/n) is a 6th year Hufflepuff student at Hogwarts and is dating a 7th year slytherin named Avery. She gets the shit end of the stick at school and at home with her mom and her boyfriend. Throughout this fic we will see her relationship with the maruders grow (one in particular ;) )but with Avery break apart.

Warning : angst, mention of abuse , other sad things, cursing , sexual contact, and as always my spelling.

-“ Dear Diary,

He did it again. He hit me, he lied. Well, it was my fault.. “ y/n wrote as a tear slowly glided down her cheak. “ i cant go out looking like this. I need atleast some concealer to cover the bruse on my face. Ugh. Lillys going to flip if she finds out.” The tear reached the paper in which she wrote on. “Atleast he loves me..”- those words burned into her heart. There was a load knock on the door. Y/n scrambled to close her diary, and get some makeup. “Hey y/n/n, you in there?” Shit, it was Lilly. “Yea be there in a sec.” She scrambled to dab the concealer on her face. “Come in. “ Lilly slowly opened the door. “Have you been crying??” She rushed over to you. You smiled. “No, just allergies. You ready to go? I think your little boy toy is waiting for you.” You grined . “Oh shut up. Thanks for coming by the way, you sure Avery wont be upset that your hanging out with the dreaded GrYfFiNdOrS.” She chuckled. Your face whent still. “Y/n?” You snapped back. “I dont think so.” Im pretty sure Lilly saw right through you. “Well, im just gunna grab some money and we can go.” You quickly ran over to your desk, trying to find your change purse from muggle london. “Y/n, youd tell me if something was wrong right?” You stopped in your tracks. Did she know? “Of course I would Lilly. What do I have to hide from you.” She shook her head and smiled. “Your right. Just know that if there is something wrong im here for you ,ok?” You nodded. “Can we go now, I dont want littly jamesy wamsy to start crying.” Lillys face turned firery red while you topple over laughing. And there they were. Standing infront of honeydukes. James trying (and failing) to look cool, Sirius laughing from Jame’s failed attempts, Remus scofting because it was funny but he didnt want to show it, and Peter being, well Peter. Your eyes were still puffy from crying, I geuss Sirius noticed this. He pulled you over and gave you a hug. “Is it your mom?” He asked holding your shoulders. You shook your head. “Comeon, ill get you a butter bead.” The seven of you walked to the boars head and sat in a large booth. James and Lilly were snuggling, while Peter yelled “IS THAT ALLOWED” in several octones. Remus and Sirius were playing rock paper scissors. Sirius won and of course he challengend you. “Oi shorty, Ill bet my queen record on me winning 3 times in a row.” You smiled. “Your on Black.” Needless to say, you won. Sirius being Sirius pouted, making the whole table to laugh. But hey, good things cant every stay for you, thats why Avery had the burst in. “Y/n!! Babyyyyyy.” Lilly looked at you, both sharing the “oh God hes drunk and will want a fight” look. “Hi babe.” You started fiddling with the hair tie around your wrist. “What are you doing here, I thought i told you that we were hanging out and told you to stay in your dorm.” You look down at your thumbs. The seat beings to shift, one of them is getting up. Oh loard. “Im sorry babe, i forgot that i made plans with Lilly and the guys.” Avery got closer to the table. “Well then we best be going, dont want to ruin our plans huh?” Sirius and James were up in a second. “At least let her finish her drink lad. You see I paid for it and id hate for it to go to waste.” Sirius smiles. Avery strengthens his grip on your arm. “Well ill make sure she pays you back for it, thank you for treating her. We’d better be off now.” You turn and hes dragging you out and apologized to Lilly. Avery was always bad when he was drunk. He gets horny and exspexts you to do something about it. Lets just say that u walked out of his dorm with more bruses. -“dear diary, More bruses, yay. Im so sick of this but i dont know what to do. I love him, and hes done so much for me. I dont know what this change in character is. Maybe its just my fault, it has to be. Avery is not a bad person, im just a bad girlfriend. From now on ill try to be better..” -As you finished your sentance there was a knock at your door. “Y/n, its Sirius. You ok if i come in??”

Taglist: @sly-vixen-up2nogood @frnchpy

Part 2 :)

#sirius black x reader #sirius black #remus lupin #james potter #peter pettigrew #lily evans #harry potter #maruders #harrypotterau

[my-chemical-bookshop]

I have a mission!

(involving books, of course. All of you can join into this as well and flourish our home libraries!)

I recommend reading the whole thing, it’s actually pretty interesting and fun but like wtv

I am going to spend the entire day in a bookstore with my best friend tomorrow. (Utopian daydream??) And I have decided to start developing a mission inside said bookstore.

We are going to go there, have some coffee, or tea in my case, I spent a lot of time saving money and now I can say that I’ll be able to spend $50 in books! (IM SO HAPPY, AND DEFINITELY EXPECT A BOOK HAUL POST) So we’ll just talk, look for books, buy books, maybe even read them. Honestly my perfect idea of a best friends hangout, but have 1 (one) friend willing to do it, so after years of thorough planning ITS HAPPENING!

So, on to the actual purpose of the mission, quest, whatever you wanna call it.

The mission is to slowly but clearly and surely begin to build up a list of books I have read in the past, whether it have been as schoolwork (some of those books were actually pretty good), pleasure or as gifts, that I believe were good reads but for some reason are currently not in my possession and I believe should be.

So, tomorrow being when I’ll spend my day in a bookstore, I plan to wander around looking at book titles and start writing my everlong list of long lost books, and then with time, hopefully be able to buy all of the books (or the ones worth it at least) that are part of this list.

I am sure the list will grow with time as I see or remember other books whose titles I didn’t see at this bookstore. It will get bigger and I am completely aware of that, but I think it is worth spending a little time and some money to get back these good reads and amazing memories, I could even try and thrift these other books to save some!

on to the big question..

Why dont I have those books anymore??

There are a million reasons.

Either because I rented them out of the library, borrowed them, lost them, gave them away, threw them away, had them taken away, stolen, ruined, or any other reason I cant come up with right now, I have lost physical possession of these books.

When I was younger I used to not like reading as much as I do now, where I can work my wat through three or even more books in a single day, I did like reading but it wasn’t the book hoarder, “take care of them or I’ll kill you” kind of reading like it is now haha.

I know, dont kill me for this but I must admit I have given away or thrown away good books in my life.

I WAS NINE YEARS OLD WHEN I GAVE AWAY MY ENTIRE HARRY POTTER COLLECTION OKAY!? It is one of the things that haunts me TO THIS DAY as one of my most regretted decisions!! But I will get those books back even if it takes me five years! (It probably will) And I will maintain my updates and progress on this mission through this blog I hope you guys enjoy.

Also if anyone has any tips for jolting my memory and remembering book titles from the past that would be great.

I’ll reblog this with the titles of the books I am able to remember as frequently as I am able to or every time I remember some books worth getting back, each with their situation briefly explained.

So, shall I begin?

✔️The Fault in Our Stars:

I read this book both in english and in spanish, but I sadly only own the version in spanish and want to divide my bookshelf by language, and I also really want to own the entire collection of John Green books for which I am only missing this one and “Will Grayson, Will Grayson”.

✔️The Book Thief:

This one holds a similar situation as the last book. I do own the spanish version but have actually never read it in english and really want to do so. I guess it counts?

✔️The entire “Harry Potter” series:

Yes, the whole thing. (Except for The Cursed Child). I’m ready to be brutally killed by any and all potterheads including myself.

I grew up with the Harry Potter movies and became a huge fan. Everyone at my dad’s office knew me as Hermione instead of my actual name because (up to 12 years old), I would always go out in my Hogwarts uniform and had fluffy brown hair like Emma Watson.(I dyed it pink) I was obsessed, and as soon as I was able to read well enough to process the books, which I must say wasn’t long after turning six, I begged my parents for them, and I got them! But oh silly me, I didn’t value actually keeping my books as much as I do now! So I read them all, and then one day in second or third grade, there was a book trade in my class, and I decided to give away my entire collection of HP books hoping I would maybe get something really good or at least decent in return. You wanna know what I got back? A freaking Winnie the Pooh storybook. I wanted to cry (peobably did) but I couldn’t take my books back. Of course, I, as a child being able to read higschool-level books, thought everyone had the same abilities and tastes, and I was clearly wrong. While all my 8 and 9 year old classmates still read Winnie the Pooh or Disney kid books, I was off reading books over 500 pages, or series like Harry Potter, or The Book Thief. So this was of course a tragic moment I will always regret.

I will reblog updates in this post as soon as I remember more books yay.

Join me!

All you have to do is Re blog this post to join the mission!

I know I’m not the only one who has gone through this and would like to get them back and be able to form our dream room library, so join!

Add in your books and why you dont have them anymore, tell me what happened to your favourite book years ago, I want to know your stories guys!

I will also probably follow any book blogs who reblog this because I need more to follow!

#book #book blog #bookish #bookworm #read #aesthetic #have read #library #home library #long lost #lost #old books #lets get our books back dudes #childhood books #harry potter #memory #lost books #music

[bigskydreaming]

Whats Nightwing and Deathstroke's dynamic? Why does it make you wince? Im not very familiar with it.

Nightwing and Slade actually have a really interesting and compelling dynamic in a lot of ways, that can be really good when written well and really terrible when not. My biggest issue is it is that its not sexual in the comics (Slade is a good thirty years older than him) or in other adaptations that have a version of it, like the Teen Titans cartoon. But fandom being fandom, Dick/Slade is a bigger ship than like, half his actual canon ships, so any new take on it always comes with a big sigh at all the new Dick/Slade shipping that’s gonna crop up or have a resurgence cuz of it. And I’m annoyed enough with YJ right now that I’m not giving them the benefit of the doubt that they’ll do anything new or interesting with it that’s worth having to wade through pages of new Dick/Slade noncon in the months afterwards. Its a ship that generates a lot of non-con fic in particular, or at least my old favorite, ‘dubcon’, with the dubious part of the consent referring to the fact that it usually involves mind control or brainwashing, both tropes that show up a lot in their interactions anyway. (Not that there’s anything dubious about this NOT allowing for consensual anything, just that people love to call it dubcon because….fuck if I know).

But anyway….in the comics, Deathstroke is a mercenary who’s one of the Titans’ earliest and most iconic enemies. Though at various times and depending on who’s writing him, he’s sometimes an antihero and even a semi-trusted ally of the Titans (usually with Dick specifically), other times a villain but with his own personal code of honor that means he won’t help the Titans or other heroes but he’ll refuse to take jobs that would pit him against them, and other times he’s full on remorseless and sadistic villain who hates them all and wants them all dead.

He also had three kids, his son Grant (the first Ravager), his younger son Joseph (Jericho) and his youngest, their half-sister Rose (the second Ravager). Basically, the first time he interacted with the Titans was when the supervillain group HIVE put out a contract to have the Titans all killed. Slade turned them down cuz of his personal honor code and how young the Titans were, but his son Grant accepted the contract in exchange for HIVE giving him superpowers to help him fulfill it. The process didn’t work right though, and when fighting the Titans, Grant’s powers overloaded and killed him.

Slade blamed the Titans for this, and vowed to finish the contract and kill them as some twisted way of honoring Grant. He doesn’t do Logic so good, well no, its more like he doesn’t really do parenting so good, as in he tends to have fuck all to do with his kids 364 days of the year, but then something bad happens to one of them and suddenly he thinks he’s Dad of the Year and going 0 to Homicidal in six seconds flat is the way to make up for all the times he’s let them down or screwed them over, instead of just…not Doing That.

So Slade recruited a young meta named Tara Markov (yup, that one) and trained her as his apprentice specifically to help him get revenge on the Titans. At his prompting, she joined the Titans as a spy for him, feeding him intel and plotting against them in one of the best known comicbook storylines of all time, The Judas Contract. It was up there with some of the X-Men’s best known stories like the Dark Phoenix Saga and Days of Future Past. (In the 80s actually, the Titans comic book was almost as popular as Uncanny X-Men at the time. Like way more than the Justice League. They were DC’s big hitters, popularity wise - specifically the lineup that for the most part was centered around Dick, Donna, Starfire, Beast Boy, Cyborg and Raven, with other members like the original Titans and later ones like Pantha and Wildebeest coming and going at various points in the 80s too).

Ultimately, Tara made her move and betrayed the Titans, enabling Slade to kidnap each of them one by one and turn them over to the HIVE….all except for Dick. In the meanwhile, he was approached by Slade’s ex-wife Adeline Kane - who has an equally all over the place dynamic with Slade, like sometimes she’s his worst enemy and other times she’s manipulating events behind the scenes to help him without him knowing, because she still loves him…it basically just depends on who’s writing her, same as with Slade. Also, Kane is Adeline’s maiden name, she’s distantly related to Kate Kane aka Batwoman in some extremely complicated manner I can never remember, but that’s mostly just trivia. I can’t remember a time its ever been relevant to a story, and it has nothing to do with Slade’s interactions with Dick.

ANYWAY. Point being, so Adeline, who blames and hates Slade at this time for their son Grant’s death, along with their other son Joey, seek out Dick and offer their help rescuing the Titans and defeating Slade. Joey is a metahuman as a result of Slade’s altered DNA (he has regenerative powers and is actually immortal, due to experiments the army did on him while he was a soldier). So Joey was born with powers although they didn’t activate until he was a young adult. His codename was Jericho and his power lets him possess peoples’ bodies. He’s also mute, and I’m half expecting him to show up in YJ fairly soon. If not this season then hinted at by the end of it. Also wouldn’t surprise me if they had plans to have him be gay in the YJ universe. He’s a character who was coded as gay practically from his debut. Joey/Dick is actually probably Dick’s oldest and most enduring slash ship, for the record.

So Joey works with Dick to rescue the Titans and defeat Slade, who’s captured and goes on trial for kidnapping the Titans. Joey ends up joining the Titans in the aftermath, and Adeline’s yay good, this was my Sekrit Plan all along, I did all this solely in the hopes that you would end up a superhero and have positive influences and not end up a murdering douchebag of flexible morality like your dad cuz fuck that guy, am I right Titans?

Did Adeline really just do all of that because she wanted her son to have more friends? Like…idk honestly it could go either way. Like….it IS the kind of thing she would do, tbh, so its as likely she was telling the truth as it is she just wanted to screw Slade one last time to avenge Grant and then was like hey if I take credit for my kid ending up a Titan now, I could probably play the “you owe me one” card later if I ever need to. Addy does like handing out “you owe me one” cards, just to be safe. Never know when you might need one.

The thing all this has to do with Dick is like, so it basically ended up being Dick versus Slade in the big finale, while Joey was rescuing the others and helping them face off against Tara. And for whatever reason - with multiple takes on this offered by multiple writers in the decades since - something about Dick just stuck with Slade and he’s had a kinda fascination with him ever since. Like he’s always talking about how much more he could teach Dick than what he already learned from Bruce, trying to convince him he’s got a killer instinct that Bruce just suppressed and its holding him back, blah blah, like saying he’s good, but Slade could make him great, so he surpasses both Bruce and Slade. TBH, he spends WAY more time obsessing about Dick and getting Dick to join him than he bothers paying attention to his own kids. 

It really isn’t inherently sexual though, its a weird kinda pseudo father/son, pseudo mentor/mentee type thing. And its not entirely one-sided, because Dick at various times IS…tempted? Kinda? Like whenever Dick’s having some kind of crisis of conscience, or he’s pissed at Bruce or is questioning the effectiveness of superheroes or why they do the things they do or what does it all matter blah blah blah like omg I love you Dick, I really do, but sometimes you are such a drama queen, my god, blast some My Chemical Romance, experiment with drugs and chill out already, its not that deep. (LOL I kid. Well mostly). But point being, every once in awhile something happens that puts Dick in a funk and makes him second guess himself, and he spends like….a month being convinced he should reinvent himself as the anti-Bruce, that’s the solution, and this usually sends him in search of Slade except he’s always like ‘OH FANCY MEETING YOU HERE, THIS IS TOTALLY RANDOM AND NOT ON PURPOSE’. 

And Slade likes to take any opportunity to try and convince him like BE A BAD GUY DICK, KILL PEOPLE FOR MONEY, ALL THE COOL KIDS ARE DOING IT. Except inevitably Slade does something that pisses Dick off and Dick snaps out of it and is like NO, IM A HERO AND THIS IS BAD, I REMEMBER NOW AND I’LL NEVER JOIN YOU, YOU’RE NOT MY REAL DAD I HATE YOU! And then they fight again, but with swords, not words, and then they’re like crap, we’re too well matched, this is going nowhere, you’re a worthy opponent, the only one I can truly respect, blah blah and then they call a breather and Slade’s like hey kid, wanna grab a beer and Dick’s like yeah but only if you promise not to kill anyone. And Slade’s like ugh fine.

And then Slade’s all, look kid, its been fun but its time you went home to your real family and your real life, this isn’t you, you’re a hero, I can’t try and turn you into something you’re not, its Wrong. And Dick’s like….umm yeah, I know, I literally JUST said that, how hard did I hit you? And Slade’s like NO SHHH, DONT TRY AND ARGUE, GO, YOU GO NOW, GO ON, LIVE YOUR LIFE, YOU DONT BELONG HERE IN THE DARK WITH ME, YOU’RE ONE OF THE GOOD ONES, GO BACK TO YOUR OWN KIND.

And Dick’s like no seriously dude, I already called my dad to come pick me up, what are you even on right now, are we having the same conversation?

Slade, sobbing paternally: I HAVE TO LET YOU GO, ALL I EVER DO IS HURT MY KIDS, I’M A TERRIBLE FATHER, ITS NO WONDER JOEY HATES ME.

And then Dick awkwardly slips out while Slade’s mid monologue, with his head thrown back yelling up at the sky and shaking his fists like WHY GOD WHY IS THIS THE WORLD WE LIVE IN WHY - because the thing about Slade is he’s actually even MORE of a drama queen than Dick, he just hides it better. Most of the time. But seriously tho.

Anyway yeah, this is like…a pattern with them basically. And Slade’s like, you’ve inspired me, I see in you the man I could’ve become, maybe even that I can still be, and he like doubles down on his personal honor code and becomes a Mercenary With A Heart for a couple years and even helps out the Titans every now and then (basically just whenever Dick’s in trouble and he goes on a killing spree, like NOBODY IS ALLOWED TO MURDER MY KIDS BUT ME - also by this point in time, Joey had died because Slade literally killed him, I forget why, it was a dumb story, but its okay Joey came back, its not like his name is Uncle Ben. But yeah, killing his kids is kinda a thing with Slade too, and he’s very proprietary about it).

And then he falls off the wagon and is like fuck, I forgot how much I like murder, ugh, you should have never tried to make me change, THIS IS WHO I AM, and Dick’s just like….I literally do not know where you’re getting these conversations from, like am I there when you think we’re having them, am I just blacking out…do I need to see a doctor??? And Slade’s like YOU WILL RUE THE DAY YOU EVER MET ME, GRAYSON, FROM NOW ON I AM THE TITANS’ MORTAL ENEMY and runs off all dramatically while Dick’s like…..wut, and all the other Titans are like srsly, dude, what is WITH you too, and Dick’s all I DON’T EVEN KNOW, HE’S JUST LIKE THAT.

In all seriousness though, ultimately my take on their dynamic is that for Slade, Dick’s a combination of seeing himself and Grant in Bruce and Dick’s dynamic, and its like….all about his regret and missed opportunities. Like, he tends to be super judgey of Bruce and critical of how he trains (and raises Dick) and passive aggressively like *I* would never do that and Dick just kinda lifts an eyebrow and is all, you’ve literally killed two of your three kids. 

But like, Slade kinda views himself as the anti-Batman and thus Dick is inadvertently cast as Grant, but its like Slade can never decide if he thinks Bruce is actually holding Dick back from his full potential and he wants to push Dick the way he thinks Bruce refuses to, or if like, he blames Bruce for getting Dick involved in this life, the same life that got Grant killed, and wants to protect Dick from Bruce and from the same thing happening to him. So its this weird mix of Slade manipulating Dick sometimes and pushing him way further than even Bruce ever does and saying its for his own good, but also randomly mixed in there are these bouts of extreme protectiveness, and there’s like zero rhyme or reason to which he is on any given day and there’s never any way to predict where Slade will land and so it always fucks with Dick’s head in a big way, he’s like…I’m getting whiplash.

And then on Dick’s end, like, the thing about Dick like I’ve mentioned before is he’s a huge people pleaser? Like he’s a very empathetic caretaker type personality who sinks a huge amount of his identity into being everything for everyone, to the extent that he tends to lose sight of himself in the process, sometimes. And he’s also a perfectionist who was raised with the most demanding father of all demanding fathers ever, and has a lot of abandonment issues and insecurities that Bruce’s mutant power is to trip over and set off in the worst possible ways.

And so I think the reason Dick keeps seeking Slade out every now and then is not because he ACTUALLY wants to ever take Slade up on his offer and genuinely become his apprentice or partner and like, turn his back on how he was raised. I think the point of it for Dick is the fact that each and every time he ends up affirming for himself no, wait, this ISN’T actually what I want, I just needed to be reminded of that, to remember that. That he always pulls himself back before going too far. And at the same time, I do think on some level he likes that Slade is this kinda constant in his life, that at the end of the day Slade is like…so fixated on his potential and his achievements and his worth as a fighter and a hero, because like….Dick Grayson is a person who craves validation but will never ask for it ever. 

And he’s one of those people who everyone is just so USED to liking without even thinking about it that it never occurs to them when talking amongst themselves about how great he is, that they forget to say this to his actual face? And so he never hears it? And never asks for it, because gasp, then people might think he’s needy, and that would be bad, so he mostly just goes and sulks in his apartment about how nobody likes him and he’s terribad. Except for Slade. Slade always compliments him on what a good fighter and what a good planner and what a good leader he is, so hmm wonder what he’s doing. He hasn’t committed any crimes in six months and I can’t find any reason to track him down and bring him in? Ugh, that asshole. Okay, ummm, I guess I could tell him I’m thinking of turning evil again, I haven’t done that in a couple years, he’d probably buy it.

And then later Bruce is pacing around the Batcave wrathfully shaking his fist, like “Damn that man and his sick hold over my son, if only I knew how he keeps getting his hooks into you!”

And Dick basically shrugs and plays games on his phone. “He mostly just tells me I’m special, and that’s nice to hear.”

Bruce, still pacing and ranting and fist shaking: “What kind of evil genius is he, how master a manipulator he must be to be able to get inside your head and upend your normal views of right and wrong, to make you entertain these ideas of working with him, learning from him…”

Dick: No its seriously just the saying nice things about me bit. I like that.

Bruce: If only I had a code word or phrase I could use to snap you out of whatever brainwashing he seems to be able to affect you with any time you come near him, perhaps some kind of alien tech….

Dick: You could try “I’m proud of you, son.” I mean if you’re taking suggestions.

Bruce: There’s also the possibility of a magical component to consider, blast, I hate working with magic so of course he WOULD do something like that, ugh I suppose I could ask Zatanna or Jason Blood for help there…

Dick: Cool cool, well this has been a fun and productive chat as always, so you keep doing…all that…and meanwhile I’m gonna go ponder my fixation on father figures who are 100% more committed to obsessing over their failures as a parent than like…actual parenting of their actual kids.

Bruce, ten minutes later: Dick? Where are you? DID SLADE GET TO YOU AGAIN? RIGHT UNDER MY NOSE? CURSE THAT MAN AND HIS UNNATURAL SKILLS, HOW DOES HE DO IT??!?

Anyway, that’s Slade and Dick. There’s also the whole Renegade thing, when Dick asked for Slade’s help in infiltrating the Society of Super Villains in his fake villain identity as Renegade, with you know, lots of Slade trying to corrupt him and also trying to murder any supervillains who looked as his not!son the wrong way. 

And then there was the time Slade brought his daughter Rose to Dick to train and said he couldn’t teach her himself because his track record with training his kids and them not ending up dead is like, not good, and he’s superstitious or something? Idk, I forget his logic, it was probably bad though.

And Slade was like, I only trust you to be a competent teacher for my daughter, I want you to teach her everything you know! Except for like, being a hero. None of that nonsense. I FORBID you from trying to make my daughter into a hero or the deal is off. (The deal being that if Dick did this, Slade would not do crime in Dick’s city for a year).

And Dick was like, you got a deal. I will train Rose but there will be NO trying to make her a hero, I swear. /he said while crossing his fingers behind his back because duh.

And Slade was like okay, fine, you got a deal, I will absolutely still do crime and be villainous but only in every place except for Bludhaven specifically. /he said while crossing his fingers behind his back because duh.

And then Dick tried to make Rose a hero and then Slade blew up Bludhaven and that was definitely a thing, so…yeah.

In summation, Slade and Dick are weird but also very interesting but also if we get another rehash of the Renegade/apprentice arc aka the Teen Titans cartoon adaptation of that story aka the single most popular Dick Grayson fic trope of all time, like….I swear I will probably get a brain bleed.

#Anonymous