#even if their circumstances and respective duties ultimately keep them apart

[jostenneil]

i think what ultimately bothers me about the talia and selina discourse on either end is that it’s often framed as being an argument of who is truly a villain and who isn’t and obviously your thoughts on that depend entirely on which characterizations of either character you’re willing to take into account. i do think it’s obvious talia more readily ascribes to bruce’s ideals and world view but at the same time part of that Does come from how she was established as a character to begin with and that’s not to say it’s impossible for selina to ascribe to bruce’s ideals given the right circumstances and she obv has in various capacities throughout her existence. but returning to what i was saying about how it’s framed as an argument i think the real issue is that talia and selina’s respective struggles with bruce are just different and offer appeals that aren’t exactly comparable because they cater to different tastes and outcomes. the appeal with talia is she’s inspired by bruce to do the right thing, and that extends to her building up the courage to break free of her father And bruce to pursue justice in the world without feeling like someone else’s collateral or puppet, while still being driven by her belief in love. the appeal with selina is that she’s someone who largely operates by justice on her own, sometimes selfish and acutely personal terms and that offers an interesting challenge to bruce who can often lose himself to the idea of trying to help everyone and being totally selfless to his own detriment. you could probably make an argument for which dynamic is more viable with regards to a sustainable relationship in the long term but dc is also never going to commit to that with bruce ever so i fail to see the purpose sometimes in mulling over that. both of these dynamics are incredibly interesting for him and offer different perspectives through which to view his character, and the discourse about which ship is ultimately “better” is tiresome bc they’re not traditionally comparable to begin with. people might say they are bc of the villain argument but i personally don’t agree with that reading and i think venturing into it tends to reveal biases about what people want either character to be to suit their own needs, which is boring! 

#talia al ghul #selina kyle #dc #mine:meta #i think the way i worded it on twitter wasn't the best but this is better #like i do agree that bruce's philosophy and sticking to it is very impt to him #so ultimately he will value someone who also ascribes to and values it #but i think where i disagree with criticisms of selina is that like #yes a huge focal point of her character is that her sense of justice is largely personal #and sometimes she reaps more returns than is morally right #but that's exactly the appeal of it i imagine is the tension and differences in outlook between them #that's what makes it an eternally off and on relationship #bc neither of them is going to entirely yield to the other and there's an entertainment in that #and on the flip side i don't think saying talia loves bruce has to be something that's bad. which is crazy that many people think is? #in her earliest comics it's true she's portrayed fairly one dimensionally #but by the time you reach the early 00s she's struck out on her own and is trying to do the right thing on her own #she still loves bruce but her loving bruce doesn't have to mean she just runs after him anymore #and she doesn't. she goes the whole way in lex corp without meeting him once #so i think people ought to give her more leeway on that like it's pretty obv she and bruce can be equals who love each other #even if their circumstances and respective duties ultimately keep them apart #with either batcat or brutalia it's just about different dynamics and tensions #so yes i have a preference but i really don't mind the other #and it's very weird to me when people relentlessly argue about which one is 'better' bc i don't think that's the point

[the-pale-goddess]

Ethan & Tiffany: Endgame (HC)

A quick reminder: I've rejected canon Third Year completely, so mind that none of OHTY bs happens in my E&T canon timeline.

A/N: I tried my best to write every major fact down - hopefully the final product isn’t too messy or too boring, I’m new to the headcanon business and this isn’t even written in the headcanon form because I’m a rebel lol

Huge thanks to the lovely Anon who requested this HC and every single one of you still interested in E&T’s shenanigans, your support is the greatest gift I could ever receive! If you have some more specific questions about these two, feel free to hit my askbox anytime 💕

Now let’s check what’s in store for Tiffany and Ethan!

Children

Neither of them planned children in their lives; they were perfectly comfortable in the relationship they had—living together, advancing their glittering careers while supporting each other, slaying the game as the ultimate power couple.

But life has its ways, of course, and a week prior to their third anniversary Tiffany found out she was pregnant. The news sparked blind panic in the 30-year-old doctor; she thought her whole world fell like dominoes. Tiffany wouldn't intentionally start a family: she'd just started turning her dreams and plans into reality and she didn't even consider herself fit to be a mother (even though deep down she craved it).

She'd spent an entire week full of doubts, listing all her options, before she finally shared the news with Ethan. His reaction was surprisingly calm, considering his stance on having children. Based on the evidence gathered throughout the week, he'd already suspected pregnancy and did some calculations on his own.

They both agreed it wasn’t the best time—their busy schedules didn’t allow them to even reconsider the concept of starting a family. Nevertheless, the baby was coming, and their hearts filled with strange excitement. Having a baby on board seemed surreal at first, but after the dust had settled they felt oddly content about the unforseen circumstances.

E&T's world turned upside down the second their son was born. Raising a child happened to be the greatest challenge these two brilliant doctors had encountered. Luckily, they both relish a good challenge. Guided by the unexpected overflow of affection, they quickly settled into the alien routine of parenthood.

Nathaniel Jonah (also known as NJ, Nate) turned out to be a perfect blend of his parents' most prominent features & traits: Ethan's ocean eyes and stubbornness mixed with Tiffany's smile and warm heart.

Three years later, another surprise awaited. The most shocking thing about the second pregnancy was that it didn't happen sooner (they'd been exceptionally careless). Nicolette „Letty”, a spitting image of her mother, stole Ethan's heart from the start, bringing even more joy to their controlled chaos.

The fancy condo was too small for a family of four, so The Ramdams were forced to find a new home. They moved to a dreamy house in the Boston suburbs merely a month before their daughter was born.

The third one (for a change) received a proper invitation to this world. Tiffany wasn't the biggest fan of the idea of having another baby, but her window was closing (she was 38) and Ethan's palpable excitement tipped the scales. Everyone jokes Aine must be adopted because she's the most unproblematic angel, unlike her parents.

The family wouldn't be full without pets: Nettie (British Shorthair cat) & Hopper (English bulldog).

Marriage

Marriage was never on their agenda. Neither of them felt the need to make their relationship formal, it wouldn't change anything between them—they were already acting like a married couple. Both Tiffany and Ethan think there are more valuable symbols of love than some paper signed in the presence of everyone they know. Partnership they were in seemed like the most comfortable and obvious choice.

The topic resurfaced with the pregnancy news. Our good guy Ethan, our Mr Must-Do-What’s-Right, proposed to Tiffany on their third anniversary dinner, right after they discovered they were expecting. He did it because it made sense. Because it was convenient. Because it was a decent thing to do.

But guess what...Tiffany rejected the proposal. She didn’t want to marry out of obligation. If they were really going to jump into marriage, she wanted it to matter. Ethan understood her point of view, though it didn't stop him from jokingly annoying her on every given occasion that she rejected him.

He waited two years before popping the question again. This time she said yes.

Dr. Grumpsey was willing to agree on a lavish wedding if Tiffany would insist. Lucky for him, his woman hates big, conventional weddings and all that unnecessary attention around the reception. They're both very private people, so they planned the wedding they were actually excited about.

They eloped to Miami where it all started, exchanging vows to the accompaniment of the ocean waves, with little NJ by their side. The wedding reception was just three people enjoying their day at the beach.

As you may suspect, their friends and family flew into a rage when they found out the wedding took place behind their backs. Jackie's death threats were particularly disturbing, so E&T decided to throw an afterparty for their loved ones only.

Career

Tiffany saw her future in diagnostics and followed that path, balancing her personal goals with striving for improvement in patient care. The word about her accomplishments with one of the best diagnostics teams spread fast; shortly after her challenging yet successful residency, Doctor Addams quickly proved to be one of the most valuable and respected diagnosticians—not only at Edenbrook, but also statewide, and later nationwide. She cracked some of the toughest, most hopeless cases, saving lives of many patients considered lost causes.

During her first pregnancy, her career was already on high speed and the situation made her even more determined to keep it that way. She didn't want to sacrifice her newly established position and Ethan did everything he could to support her and her career development.

She remained a vital part of Edenbrook's Diagnostics Team under Ethan's leadership for a few years. Their minds combined gave spectacular results and above it all they truly enjoyed working together. However, when Letty was born sharing responsibilities at home and managing the time got significantly harder. With minimal hesitation, Ethan decided it was his cue to leave.

He'd been thinking about the change for much longer than he was willing to admit: over the years he'd accomplished everything he could dream of and Edenbrook had become more of a duty than a challenge. So he quit, leaving the team in the most capable hands of Doctor Addams-Ramsey.

For a year and a half The Ethan Ramsey was a stay-at-home dad, juggling family, research for his second book and setting up his clinic with none other than Tobias Carrick.

Ethan wasn't 100% convinced if starting the practice with Tobias would be a wise move, but the clinic exceeded his expectations. Apart from the great sense of accomplishment, he finally gained full independence at work. And there were no bloody interns to babysit anymore.

When little Ramdams got older, he approached Tiffany with a job offer; the best diagnostician in the country was the last missing link in his clinic. She let it marinate for a few years and accepted the offer at the launch of her second book, soon after Letty's 18th birthday.

____

If there’s a typo or a mistake somewhere...No, there isn’t kgjdkgjdk

Thanks for reading 🥰 I have a few exciting fics in the making (both AUs & canon) and I hope I’ll be able to finish them soon!

#ethan x tiffany #ethan ramsey #open heart #ethan ramsey x mc #ethan x mc #tiffany addams

[mc-critical]

I really don’t understand the amount of people who apparently dislike Mihrimah for not giving Rüstem a chance/not having Rüstem grow on her. I don’t know entirely how I feel about Mihrimah as a character but I feel like if you were to dislike her that’d be a silly reason. It was a opportunistic marriage, one she never wanted and to a man she never loved. Not to mention he was also borderline pedophilic (when he said to her on her wedding night that he had been “waiting for this moment for years” when she was 17..okay) and then coercing her into consumating the marriage through the threat of suicide. Sure, the circumstances of Rüstem’s life were sad, but I don’t understand how that entails him being *entitled* to Mihrimah’s love or affection. And if anything I found Rüstem to be misogynistic and possibly even abusive, which likely made marriage to him all the worse. Mihrimah’s definitely not perfect or above criticism, but that doesn’t mean she owed any man love, sex or affection, royal borne woman or not.

I don't understand them, either. Because this is the last thing Mihrimah should be disliked for.

Rüstem is a very odious character with minimal redeeming qualities. His supposed love for Mihrimah is established disturbingly early on and while that may have fled over the audience's heads (it sure did fly over my head when I first watched the show!) because their marriage is a historical fact and as such, is automatically considered the normal course of things - the questionable pedophilic implications are definitely there and send off the alarming signs of utterly problematic behavior. Sure, he's done his duty by saving her after she fell off a horse and (little!) Mihrimah thanked him for it, but it is clearly seen in his eyes by the second episode he's on-screen that there's something more and something baffling when the girl is so young. And it only escalated from there.

Obviously, most of his fanbase ignores or flat out misses this aspect of his character, but I also find people that think that his attitude to Mihrimah is the only bad thing about Rüstem when I find most of his negative traits to be present outside of Mihrimah, but with her witnessing them. I feel the connection to Iskender Çelebi and the way he bacame the stable-man of the castle are his most important character establishing moments: they shine a light into his sneakiness and ability to play dirty, but also reveal his immediate prejudice against Ibrahim. The ambition, similar to Hürrem's, but not for the same reasons, is set up from the get-go. He's seemingly following Iskender, just like he comes to seemigly follow Hürrem, but he always forges his own path for his own gain. His alleged "loyalty" is the thing that Rüstem usually gets the most credit for, but while he begins to look like Hürrem's loyal companion that shall fulfill her every order, this whole facade is deconstructed and ultimately, totally broken apart in S04. His character establishing moments recontextualize all the decisions he makes in that season and show the true nature of his ambition: he followed Hürrem when she prevailed over everyone, he followed her when she seemingly gave him the world and all the desired power and when she and the one she wanted for the throne were put into a disadvantaged position and Selim got the upper hand, he ran straight for the opportunity, despite of him making an oath in front of the Quran not to do that. He turns out to be simply an opportunist hyena who works only for his own gain. Nothing more. Just like he saw the opportunity to get rid of the stable-man before him in the past, now he sees the opportunity to be on the winning side again with Selim. He doesn't care who is he in front of and who he promised what, as long as they're of no use to him, he bails. His "loyalty" immediately disappears from his positive traits, because it turns out he never had it in the first place. People praise him for his loyalty for Mihrimah, but that "loyalty" also lasted so long - when he found out that she wouldn't ever come to love him, he began to bang with Gracia Mendez, in conjunction with the betrayal of what Hürrem stood up for. Now, tell me, how can Mihrimah love such a guy? That was one of the only reasons she tolerated him and when even that was lost, how can she still keep her ties with him?

[His backstory is sad indeed, but the only thing it does is put his actions into perspective, not justify them or make him likeable somehow. Especially when what that "character lore dump" specifically explains is his refusal to tell Nigar where her daughter is - the backstory makes that action logical for his character, but it's still framed as nothing short of spiteful. That said, he still does have some soft sides and the arc with his brother is where I found him the most sympathetic - this is the time Rüstem actually showed vulnerability without false alarms or disguise and his brother was probably the only thing that was precious to him and stayed precious after all these years, consistently throughout his screentime. What helps even more, is the brother's role as a moral compass and the last bridge between the past/his loyalties and the future/the victories he would achieve through opportunism. That was the last gasp of what was left of his possible humanity and after his brother was killed, he let it go almost instantly, because... well, after he willingly chose his own life in the saray, he might as well continue to live it, right? Him saving a boy in S03 without any hesitation whatsoever, was also respectable. But these demonstrations of a softer side of his being are also taking place outside of Mihrimah, but with her not witnessing them altogether. And they do little in changing the general impression of Rüstem's character and his relationship with Mihrimah.]

We have to keep in mind that Mihrimah's whole S03 arc was finding purpose in her life and finding true love. She had many love stories throughout the series with different people, different personalities and different motives to try to make it work with them. No matter what they've went through together and despite of them all having the same outcomes due to different outside (and inside) factors, there is a reason she fell for these people in the first place. Okay, while for Bali Bey it was a bizarre, puppy, immature, childish love, for Taşlicalı something truly genuine began to flourish with all the glances, poems, dedication (Mahidevran succeeded to break them up, but it's not to be denied that Taşlicalı was very hard to convince and he was still thinking of her afterwards) and sweet words. She got a call for a new adventure with him. Bali Bey, on the other hand, was adored by her mostly for his handsomeness, I feel, but even when he tore all her dreams apart, he showed tact and respect. What I mean to say is, if Rüstem has qualities that are "worthy of Mihrimah", wouldn't she see them? Wouldn't she see all these virtues? Because all she sees before the marriage are his words that she will marry him, that she will be his and that's it. The best she sees of him is his good manners when he asks her whether she wants something or stuff, but he could do that with everyone else, knowing his post, and the previous implications make even that alone head scratching. Why would she want a man like that? I agree with all your points. Are you, people, denying Mihrimah her feelings? She realized the potential advantages of this marriage and agreed to do it regardless, why does she have to come to love him when he truly gives her no real reasons to, even before she married him?

I believe Rüstem cares about Mihrimah, albeit in his own distorted, toxic way, but in reality, he didn't do her any good. His relationship with Mihrimah revels in manipulation and facades for her to keep, because she has to "protect" her brothers. Rüstem never actually took account of her own feelings or opinions on matters, especially when what she proposed wasn't an opportunistic enough option for him to afford. Their interactions are mostly focused on the survival of the game and the actions that have to be taken to achieve that. He often puts an unbelievable amount of pressure on her, which while given because of the system they live in, hurt more than it helped. Their relationship was never allowed to flourish in a healthy manner and Mihrimah could never be truly herself in it, not even for a moment. The castle she lived in, her home, was merely full of tension every day, not a source of comfort. His stoic, serious cunning contrasts with her own spirit. Not to mention that it always seemed he considered his marriage to Mihrimah as a price, a goal he had finally achieved and I doubt that she wasn't aware of it to some extent. The root of the marriage is only political opportunism and no matter how hard you try, you simply cannot force a person to love someone they're with only out of sheer necessity, only for a purpose for "the greater good". Rüstem never did anything to earn Mihrimah's love and she shouldn't be hated for not loving him. This is what MC Rüstem is as a character, whether we like it or not, and he isn't a healthy person for Mihrimah. If she couldn't warm up to him when she fully got to know him in their alone time, that means something is missing. That means he just isn't for her and. that's. OKAY.

But there may be reasons why some people could dislike Mihrimah because of it. I offer my experience with cases I've encountered in forums: these people are usually very invested in Hürrem's character to the point they view everything she does as excusable, at the least, so of course they would want to justify Hürrem marrying Mihrimah to Rüstem. But plainly selfish political gain is no justification and that may leave cracks in their view of Hürrem and it all may disturb them to a great amount. That's why they channel this ire on Mihrimah and perhaps demand for her to warm up to Rüstem, so they get the justification Hürrem supposedly deserves, especially paralleled with Valide and Mahidevran's previous attempt to marry Aybige and Mustafa, who.. surprise, surprise (but not really), didn't love each other. There's another facet to this, with people seeing or wanting to see Mihri only as "her mother's daughter" and not wanting to marry, not loving Rüstem destroys that picture, because there's a "crack in the system", she doesn't listen to her mother, who obviously knows better and that could be disappointing or demotivating, given the expectations she has set when she defended her in E84. Or maybe they dislike Mihrimah for not loving Rüstem, because they do find something in him. They love "bad boys" and genuinely don't know why Mihrimah doesn't, either and that could make them see her as an annoyance. Or maybe they just anticipate more juicy scenes between her and Rüstem because of the probable chemistry between the two actors and if they watch it only for the spectacle (believe me, such people really exist!), they may insist that Mihrimah is only spoiled and ruined everything for them. Or maybe, again, people may find this insulting to the historical facts or whatnot and if Mihrimah didn't not stand him, this "mess" of writing could be fixed a little. The writers have ruined her character along with the history, according to them. It's absurd, I know and I don't get it, either, but the reasons are there, as far as I'm concerned. That still doesn't take away from the fact that this is the weirdest accusation you could throw at Mihrimah, with how Rüstem himself is.

You're right that Mihrimah has many other, vastly more offputting traits that she could be disliked for. Little Mihrimah is very brash and spoiled and entitled, to the point she gave her own mother a run for her money. That was gone when she grew up, but it would be understandable if some didn't actually believe the change, especially when she shows this side of hers again every now and then. She could be perceptive, but could also be prone to influence at the same time, sometimes to an annoying degree. There have been times where she has let her own bias lead her and that clouded her judgement in several occasions. She came to idealize her mother too much sometimes, as well. She was terribly insistent on her infatuation with Bali Bey and letting go of it took her very long. She didn't want to listen much to the enemies of her own mother. Her huge love for Bayezid prevented her from viewing Selim as objectively. She could be vengeful. She could be bossy. She couldn't fully face someone calling her out on her mistakes. (the confrontation with Selim in E139) She became so engrained to her castle life that when she was offered a way out, she didn't follow it. All these are very interesting character flaws for me, but I get why they might be a dealbreaker. But disliking or hating her for not loving Rüstem? Heck, hating her for her contribution to Mustafa's death alone is more valid than that! Disliking her for all these flaws piling up together is perfectly reasonable. But for this? It's strange.

#magnificent century #muhteşem yüzyıl #muhtesem yuzyil #mihrimah sultan #rustem pasha #ask #stuffandthangs

[medranochav]

my moms been living with us for 4 months now. her stay was initially tolerable but is now triggering and I find myself regressing in a lot of ways. Her grief has evolved into torment and per her m.o. she'd like for her issues to take first priority. Except, my sis and I are grown now, and as a therapised household (literally we've all been in counseling, babies included) though we still lean on each other for support, we ultimately don't function codependently.

And beeecause that's not how we grew up, I think my mother is now having to contend with the reality that she has to do the emotional work of surviving her many traumas (and currently her many dramas) on her own. We support her but we can't fix it for her.

Currently, it's a crisis a day and she's spiraling into mini catastrophic states everytime. Which was sufferable at first because despite my labored support, I still maintained my boundaries and didn't adopt her distress as my own. The problem now is the increasing frequency with which these crying spells are taking place. Not to mention the fact that she's been doing so in front of the kids; something that would normally be acceptable because my sis and I make space for feelings (even our own) in our home. The difference being, we do so responsibly. We listen, we talk, give affection and/or space but always with the fundamental knowledge that our emotions belong to us individually and only we can be accountable for them. A gentle reminder that though part of a unit, they still have agency and accountability.

This interdependency makes way for a more compassionate exchange. Whenever they see us cry or be vunerable, the kids have the wherewithal to approach us without attaching themselves to our emotional circumstance. It's an empathy that perceives our emotional reactions as relatable but still not their responsibility. I've seen our work proven time and time again.

One example is when my sister's [redacted] died and the boys spotted her crying on the couch. Without being prompted, they approached her independently, commiserated, hugged and kissed her and shortly after went back to playing on their electronics. It was such a graceful display of emotional validation that demonstrated their love for her without sacrificing their own desires in doing so. Truly remarkable, that at ages 5-8 they maintained boundaries while still being there for their mom.

They're also there for one another but it's seldom a sinking ship. And when emotional support is rejected they respect that as well, without taking it personally [tbh that has more to do with concepts of mandatory consent that we impart on them, but as is evident, it applies. #intersectionality] It's an ongoing practice that I'm proud to be a part of, considering the kids have codependent figureheads in both their maternal and paternal families. WE'RE TRYING TO BREAK CYCLES HERE.

Yes, our home is a safe space for emotional processing but always leveraged with the emotional balance of self reliance, awareness and resiliency. The kids have proven to have the capacity for this and through teaching them, so do we.

It's human to have outbursts, but my mother's pattern is proving to be less intrinsic and more deliberate. She needs an audience in order to experience catharsis. A potentially reasonable behavior except for it's her only one. So it's imbalanced and seeks refuge in the reliance of our total empathy.

Furthermore she's disingenuous in her emotional performances. When approached out of concern, she responds with the proverbial, "I'm ok." Like, its subtle but super manipulative to say that, when we can CLEARLY see she's not. The kids see and hear her, the least she could do is not gaslight them. And I'm not saying her tactics are successful but it exposes the bby's to unnecessary dysfunction and covertly teaches them to assume the responsibility of communicating her emotion for her. She's also non verbal and unpredictable and tho not at her best rn [like, literally who is? this year has wrecked us all] she and we deserve proper communication.

The mind games are soul sucking and triggering for me in a way that is not for my sister. Though we share a mother, the repective versions of her that we experienced as children differ greatly.

My sister's the eldest and spent the first couple years of her life as the only child to a very young mother living alone in America after being displaced by the civil unrest in her native El Salvador. By age 3, with the addition of a new baby sister (my moms 2nd) she was sent to a country fully at war. My sisters would spend the next half decade of their lives in sunny wartorn tropics, watched over and raised by our family of four women. A blissful antithesis to their future with our mom. Upon the return to their forgotten country of origin (USA) and severed from the only family and community they've ever known, the girls were whisked away by a mother they barely remembered and a baby brother they had never met... marking the beginning of my mom's descent into single motherhood.

My mom resented having a brood of kids, namely her 2nd and 3rd, who's father was abusive and absent. Don't know much of the facts outside of what she would ritualistically berate my siblings about during her brutal tantrums -as if it were their fault they simply existed. The second born, my other sister, left home at 12 and has been estranged ever since and the third, my brother, has recently severed bonds abruptly claiming a new life with a woman he's known barely a year yet now calls wife. Proving that despite being raised by the same woman we all had different mothers.

Since my siblings endured a childhood with a volatile, violent woman who managed her emotions thru physical abuse... when she wasn't, she was neglectful of them, turning her attention onto me... the youngest (four years removed from the rest of the pack). I bore witness to said abuse until I was 5, when it was litigiously exposed, forcing her to abandon corporal punishment and rely solely on mental/emotional abuse. That's the version of my mom I got.

I was 10 when my sister left for college. Just my brother and I remained. Similarly to each other we both lived in service to our mother. Whereas his duties were more physically laborious, mine consisted of full on emotional labor. I spent most of my childhood navigating a homelife that was so saturated and occupied by my mother's opera of a life, that there was no room for my feelings, thoughts, desires or identity. I was her plaything, a person sans agency. My age and vulnerability proved advantagous when grooming me. I learned to behave in ways satisfactory to her needs. I was made to react to (and collect) her emotional distress, endorse her judgements of others, perform well in school as a testament to her rearing, and accept her violations of me as normal. I was a shackled spectator, whose own emotions were mere reflections of her dramatizations. I was tailored to be the MOST convenient. So I kept secrets and coped alone. I knew just enough abt myself to remain human but lacked the vision to actualize it. And because emotional abuse is so insidious in its indoctrination, I was really none the wiser until I too moved away years later.

I'm almost 30 now and I'm a mess. I can't establish enduring relationships, I'm fat, I'm broke, I'm debilitatingly avoidant, socially inept, codependent, confused and lack significant self worth. I spent the past decade delving deep into undoing all the work done to me to keep me a reliable supply for my mother and coming to terms with all the time lost in doing so. I've had glimpses and proof of another life but this year sent me back to old coping mechanisms and devastatingly familiar relationships. I read that by its very nature, all pandemics have to end and I thought I was strong enough to share a definite time&space with my abuser for the foreseeable future.... but with no end in sight, I kind of really wish I had established a clearer version of myself and where I stand in this family, to her.

Similar predicaments flung us both to the south and having her here is like a screen forging images of the same dysfunction I exhibited upon my arrival 7 years ago. There's so much I wish I could tell my former self, namely, "it's not your fault. you're not alone. you don't have to try so hard and tomorrow is another day" And perhapz it's this layered vision of myself as seen thru her that compels me to want to save her, but doing so requires me to get too close to a flame I've yet to extinguish. Im not foundationally sound enough to go up in flames and rebuild afterwards, I need a few more rounds of therapy for all that. I'm a stitch away from coming apart at the seams. Weak construction, but I'm still standing. I have more life to live and can't risk the breeze of my mother's chaotic whims to topple what's taken years to forge. I love her, because she's the only mom I got and because she's the kids' only access to our motherland. How can I reconcile this version of me with this version of her?

[chillax-kass-w]

After All | M19

[Reiner Braun/Reader]

Happiness seems impossible for Reiner, but he may get there after all.

Read on AO3

[As a note, the format of this story is as follows: chapters actually titled “Chapter _” are current to the Marley Arc, chapters titled “M_” are Reiner’s memories in succession, and chapters titled “RM_” are the Reader’s memories in succession]

Previous

Sunlight was filtering through the leaves, and he knew. He knew (f/n) would love these trees. She’d scale them up and down and wonder what their story was. She’d write that story; she’d tell it to him. She’d always been curious like that. He could just imagine her smiling at the adventure ahead of them; he could just see the golden sun in her hair, the life in her eyes.

“Hey, Reiner, got any water?”

His imagination halted at Ymir’s question. “Sorry, there’s not a hell of a lot I can do, even if it is a matter of life and death.” Now that she mentioned it, he was parched. He wondered when they’d get back to the Walls for some much needed rest.

“You’re right about that. This whole thing is bullshit.”

“Speaking of which, we’ve been working our asses off. No food, no sleep, no nothing. Ever since those Titans showed up. That was yesterday, right?” He sighed. “Man, we’re lucky the Wall hasn’t been destroyed. Still,” he held his hand to his head, “you’d think that meant they’d give us a break. And don’t even get me started on promotion…”

“Reiner.” He looked to Bertholdt; his eyes were wide.

“What? Aw, come on, I don’t think that’s too much to ask. Do you?” He chuckled. “No, I think we’ve done enough work to deserve consideration. It’s not easy to act in a situation as messed up as this one. As a soldier, I don’t see what’s wrong with being commended and rewarded for that… It’s just nice to be acknowledged.”

“Mister Reiner, what in the hell are you going on about?” Ymir had an incredulous smile on her face. What was that for?

“What do you mean? I’m not saying that I should be immediately promoted to Captain, you know.”

“Uh… That’s not what I mean.”

“Oh, by the way, where did you guys get that cannon from? I owe you one for saving my bacon.” He sighed. “And (f/n) injured her hand saving me too. Needed stitches. I hope she’s alright. She—”

“Hey!” He jumped as Eren stood with a shout, and that’s when he noticed the steam billowing from Eren’s arms. “You’ve got to be kidding me. Is this some kind of joke?”

“What are you mad about, Eren? Was it something I said?” He held up his hands in surrender. He didn’t understand.

“If you want me to kill you, just keep talking!”

“Wait, Eren,” Ymir held out her arm. Why was she missing limbs? “Whatever he’s saying, it’s not normal. Isn’t that right, Bertholdt? If there’s something you know, then quit being quiet and do something about it.” Reiner didn’t understand what she could be implying. He looked to his friend for some sort of answer.

“Reiner…” Bertholdt couldn’t meet his eyes. “Snap out of it. You’re not a soldier. We’re Warriors.”

Warriors.

1,820 years ago, our ancestor Ymir Fritz made a deal with the Devil.

She gained power.

The power of the Titans.

Eldia’s ethnic cleansing lasted for about 1,700 years.

The Great Nation of Marley incited a civil war and brought seven of the nine Titans to its side.

The Great Nation of Marley won.

The Great Nation of Marley is merciful to the Eldians.

I will become a Warrior and live with my mother and father as an Honorary Marleyan.

I will become a Warrior and eradicate the Devils within the Walls.

I will become a Warrior.

I will become a Hero.

Eyes shut, he realized. Everything had come together. When had it come apart?

“Marcel! No!”

“Take the blame and die!”

“Reiner’s dead. If you need Marcel, I’ll be Marcel.”

“This is the only way we can go home.”

His mother was waiting; he wouldn’t let her wait long.

Complications like her ruined everything.

He’d take her down and show her how cruel the world really was to devils like her.

He couldn’t trample a smile like that, even on a devil’s face.

No one would question the aim of a person who selflessly helped others.

Keep telling yourself that.

She was a good person.

Person?

“You deserve it, Reiner.”

Friend?

He’d become a good liar.

“Well, we’ll go see it then.”

Another lie.

“All thanks to you.”

“Who am I really?”

All you cause is pain.

He couldn’t change her future, as much as he wanted to.

“It’s your choice, Rein’.”

“I just want you to be happy.”

Just do what needs to be done, and keep moving forward.

“Wait, why are you in such a rush?! We haven’t even talked this over!”

“Hey, why is Marco being eaten?”

“It’s not your fault, Reiner. Please, please, don’t blame yourself for things out of your control.”

“Please, Reiner.”

He wanted to forget.

He wanted more.

He understood.

“Look at how beautiful it is, Rein’.”

“They remind me of you… respect, chivalry, clarity of thought…”

He couldn’t afford her.

If only he had the power to douse the flames.

If only…

“I fight for you.”  

“I fight for you too.”

“Reiner… I thought I lost you.”

“I thought I lost you, too.”

“Reiner!”

“No!”

No!

No!

Warriors.

We’re Warriors.

“Right… I see…That’s how things are…” He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t think. All he could do was hold his head in his hands and cry.

It felt as if he’d seen someone else’s memories. He’d always expected to be in this position, but not then, not his own memories. How had he forgotten? Why did he feel so out of control? Had he ever been in control?

“I think I’m starting to see what’s going on here. I thought something was strange. I mean, why would the man who destroyed the Wall risk his life to save Connie? You were taking contradictory actions, but without being aware of it. I don’t know why that happened, but… You were originally a Warrior whose goal was to destroy the Wall, but you pretended to be a soldier for so long, you could no longer tell which was the real you…” Ymir’s words vexed him, or did they pin him? “No, maybe you couldn’t bear the weight of your sins, so, in order to keep your mind in balance, you unconsciously escaped into a fantasy, convincing yourself you were just a soldier who protected the Wall… That caused your mind to split and altered your memories. Judging by Bertholdt’s dumbfounded expression, this isn’t the first time your stories stopped fitting together…” She laughed in the face of his plight. “And not to mention the ultimate irony, you convinced yourself you were worthy of love. Ha! I wonder what (f/n) is thinking right now. She must be—”

“Shut up!” He couldn’t take it, couldn’t face it. “Don’t say her name.” His blood was boiling with regret and determination, duty and the woes of his life.

“My bad, but isn’t it you who shouldn’t be allowed to say her name? Think about it.” She was right, absolutely right. At the thought, he buried his face further into his cold hands. He didn’t want to be seen.

He didn’t want to be there.

“You have to be kidding me. How can you act like a victim?” I don’t know. “What are you even thinking?” I don’t know, Eren.  “Why did you even listen to what we had to say that day? Tell me, Bertholdt. Don’t you remember what I said? I was right in front of you two. I told you about the time my mother was eaten by a Titan, didn’t I? About how she couldn’t escape because a piece of the gate you kicked down landed right on my house. You know about that, right?” Yes. “I told you, didn’t I?” Yes. “What did you think? What… were you thinking that day?”

“Back then… I felt sorry for you.” How could Bertholdt answer? Reiner’s entire being was withering away.

“Oh… I see… You two… You’re not soldiers… You’re not Warriors… You’re just murderers. You massacred people who’d done nothing wrong! You’re mass murderers!”

“I know that!” Reiner couldn’t take it. His sins were agonizing upon his back, in his chest, around his neck. “I don’t need you to tell me!”

“Then stop acting like responsible citizens worried about the state of the world! You two aren’t even human anymore! You’re the ones who turned this world into a living hell! Don’t you see that, you murderers?!”

Yes, he could see. He could see very clearly now.

A l l  y o u  c a u s e  i s  p a i n.

“So what do you want these murderers to do?! Do you want us to repent?! Do you want us to apologize?! Are you really going to preach to a couple of cold blooded murderers about how killing is wrong?! Will that satisfy you?! The Reiner and Bertholdt you know are gone! And if all you want to do is cry about it, then go ahead! Keep crying!”

He wanted to cry. He wanted to go home.

“You’re right.” Eren’s voice was cold. “Who am I? What do I know? Still, all I can do now… is work. Work hard… to make sure that you two die the most excruciating death possible.”

How could Reiner feel fear when he felt so numb?

“You can’t be for real. Eren, I’m begging you, I can’t put my faith in you if you keep talking like some stupid kid.”

“Like what…?”

“I’m saying there’s no way I’m going along with someone worried about petty little things like that.” She paused. “Hey, Reiner. What was that beast?”

His eyes widened. He didn’t want to talk about that.

He didn’t want to talk about anything.

“Beast? What’re you talking about?”

“Huh, you don’t know? Funny, considering that your eyes were beaming like you were kids when you saw it earlier.”

Eren was confused. “What ‘beast’?”

Ymir shook her head. “Just listen. That Beast Titan is the cause of this recent mess. It was what made Titans appear inside the Walls. Maybe it was testing our strength?” How did she know? “You two are trying to get to it, because, if you do, you’ll be able to go back to your home town, right?”

Before he could even piece together a response, Eren shouted again. “Tell me everything you know!”

“Be patient. I’m caught up in circumstances of my own. But listen, Eren. If you think that everything will be settled if you take care of these two… Then, you’re dead wrong.”

“Then who’s our enemy?!”

If only he knew.

“Our enemy? Well, if I had to say, then it’d be—”

“Ymir!” He couldn’t let her tell Eren. He couldn’t let her go. She was the one who’d ruined their mission to begin with. She had to return home with them. If not...  “Do you think this world has a future?” He paused, piecing his argument together. “If you know that much about what’s going on, then think about your plans. Surely you can consider coming over to our side.”

“And trust you? Fat chance! You can’t trust me.”

“No, I can trust you. Your goal is to protect Krista, isn’t it?” Even in his fractured state of mind, he knew how to get to her. That much was obvious, especially with the look in her eyes. “Based on our situation, can you not imagine we can help her in some way? Or… Do you think Eren’s strength is more reliable than ours?”

“What?!”

Despite Eren’s shout, he knew he’d convinced at least some part of Ymir. She was glaring at Eren, presumably sizing him up. “You were thinking of using Eren to escape from here, probably because you thought you had no chance if you let us take you.” She didn’t, but truth was strong in times of negotiation. “To be honest with you, that’s exactly right. And even if you did join us, we wouldn’t be able to guarantee your safety. But, if we’re just talking about Krista… Together, we might be able to make something work. Your tiny little life… or Krista’s future: it’s your choice.”

He was basing this off of his own deduction. Annie had learned much about the aristocratic families, enough to know there was an illegitimate child out in the world. Ymir had told Krista to live for herself, suggesting she had never done so before. And, to top off the theory, Krista had revealed her true name was Historia. That was a noble name if he’d ever heard one.

“Hey, so who’s our real enemy?!”

“Who knows…?” With those words, he knew he’d bought her silence and support.

If only he could buy (f/n)’s safety…

“Reiner,” Bertholdt met him upon his branch, “are we really going to trust Ymir? Her Titan is small, but it was fast. If we don’t restrain her, she could take us out in moments… She… really is the one who ate Marcel, remember?”

How could he forget? That moment was cemented in his mind, his first monumental mistake. He’d let his focus drop for but a moment, and Marcel had saved him. Marcel was devoured by a Titan with long hair and black eyes. There was no second guessing the facts, at least for this memory. There was no disputing the identity of Ymir’s Titan. Her claws and sharp fangs couldn’t belong to any ther than the Jaws.

What if… he’d have been the one devoured that day?

“That’s right. But that’s exactly why her position is clear. She finally became human again. She probably wanted to wander, thinking of only her own survival… That is, until she met Krista. She found someone she valued more than herself, someone so dear that she’d jump into a swarm of Titans for her.”

He’d found that someone too…

“Reiner.” Bertholdt grabbed his shoulder; it brought him back to the moment, but he wouldn’t let it show. “What are you right now?”

No one.

“I’m a Warrior. Don’t worry. I have more reasons for bringing Krista with us than her just being cute. Did you forget? Annie tailed those guys who were loitering around the Training Grounds to see what they were up to. They came to observe Krista from the Church of the Wall, that group that knows what’s inside the Walls. Krista’s an important figure in a Wallist family. In other words, if the Coordinate we’re looking for isn’t Eren, then our mission won’t be over yet. If that happens and we have Krista, it should make the search much easier than it is now.”

“Yeah, let’s put an end to this. Next time we come here, we’ll be able to bring Annie, Krista, and that back to our hometown. And… that will be the last time we ever come here.”

Why did those words hurt so much?

Why couldn’t he use rationale to bring her home?

Why had this happened?

“Yeah, all our duties will be complete.”

His heart wouldn’t be.

But, Bertholdt’s…

He stopped him. “But, Bertholdt, tell Annie how you feel once we get to our hometown.”

If only…

“What?!”

“You stare at her too much! Enough that anyone paying attention would notice.”

“No, I—”

...he could do the same…

“Aw, who cares?” He crossed his arms. “You’re both murderers with little time left, right? Who else but one of us could understand the situation we’re in?”

Could she…?

Then, a sound met his ears. It was so familiar…

He glanced behind him, and there he found something he hadn’t quite factored into their equation.

Green smoke signals…

“Bertholdt.”

“The Survey Corps? Already?”

He readied his triggers. They had to move. “They shouldn’t be able to put together a scouting formation without moving a lot of horses over the Wall. I didn’t think they’d be able to act this quickly… Damn it. Commander Erwin might be with them.” Without a second thought, he shot an anchor above Eren. “We’re up against a tough bunch.”

He should know.

“Huh? What is it, Reiner?! It’s not night yet!”

“Doesn’t matter. We’re heading out now.”

He had to be level-headed. Bertholdt was counting on him. Annie was counting on him. Zeke was counting on him. His mother was counting on him. The entire Nation of Marley was counting on him. What were his emotions in the grand scheme of things? What was he in the grand scheme of things?

A Warrior.

There was a world waiting for his next move. The weight was on his shoulders; he could feel it. And, as he stepped toward Eren, he met his rival head on. “Eren, don’t be stupid and put up a fight.”

Eren laughed; it was forced. “Hey, you don’t need to act so tough. Look at me!” His arms were still healing from being severed, but Reiner knew better than to trust that. “There’s no way I could possibly fight back. Come on...” Reiner knew better.

So why did he let Eren attack him like that?

He was thrown on his back from the force, and Eren was above him, smashing his unformed arms relentlessly into Reiner’s head. He took it for a bit, allowed Eren to tell him to die, even considered it. But then, he found his resolve again. He kicked his former friend to the side, and, when he tried to get back up, he wrapped his forearm around Eren’s throat.

“I’ll kill you! I’ll fucking kill you! I’ll rip you apart!”

Just one squeeze, and he could kill him.

No, he needed him alive.

As he added pressure to Eren’s throat, he wondered just how it’d come to this. Why did the world have to be so cruel? Why had he been born in this position? Why were the Walls filled with people? Why had she been born inside the Walls?

At this point, he just had to accept it.

So, as Eren’s consciousness faded into nothing, he finally allowed his mind to settle on one thing: getting back home. That’d been his mission all along. That was all he’d ever wanted. Why had he forgotten that? Why hadn’t he stayed the course?

This was all his doing. He had to be the one to fix his mistakes.

As Bertholdt tied Eren to his back, Reiner planned his next course of action. The Survey Corps was too close for comfort, as were the Titans. Bertholdt had to carry Ymir on his back as well, so their mobility was limited. The situation just wasn’t in their favor.

Once Ymir was situated, Reiner and Bertholdt shot into the trees, and the Titans below followed. He gritted his teeth. “For now, we need to head somewhere with no Titans. Stay as far away from them as possible. I still haven’t recovered, and my Titan moves slow, so if we get surrounded, I won’t be able to protect both of us.”

“Then why the hell didn’t we wait ‘til night?!” Ymir shouted over the passing wind. “Oh… Signal flares?! So the Survey Corps came to save us?!”

Looking over his shoulder, he groaned. “Damn it, they’re already close. This is all because Eren got violent.” They had to get to the other side of the Titan Forest, and quickly. They were low on gas as it was, but, if they could just outrun the Titans, he could transform. It was open ground from there. They’d have the advantage.

“Reiner! It’s Krista!”

“What?”

“Krista’s with them! Now’s our chance to grab her!”

That wasn’t part of the plan. “You’re full of it! No way you can see that far!”

“I know she’s with them!” Ymir’s voice was desperate, demanding. “That idiot is too kind-hearted for her own good! She came to rescue me!”

That wasn’t part of the plan.

“Even if that’s true, we can’t go now!” He turned forward again, toward the mission. “We’ll get another chance!”

“What?!”

“We can’t grab her the way things are now! There’s no way to bust up that formation! Wait for our chance!”

“‘Wait for our chance’?! When’s that going to be?! After one of your Warrior pals eats me?! No! I can’t trust you!”

“Trust me! I’m not lying when I say we need Krista too!”

Just trust me!

“Prove it then! Prove it to me, right now! I need it to be now ! I want it to be now… At this rate, I’ll never see her again!”

At that, Reiner fell silent. His mission was in his eyes, but his heart…

I’ll never see her again…

“We can’t.” It was Bertholdt who answered, calm and collected. “Right now, we don’t even know if we can escape safely ourselves.”

He had to assure someone that a life would be saved, even if it wasn’t the one he truly wanted.

“I promise you! We’ll save her, I swear it!”

She was silent for a time. Then, as they continued their flight, she shouted, “I’m the strongest one here in this terrain.”

Reiner turned to find her grabbing at Bertholdt’s face, covering his eyes. “Ymir!”

“Ymir, stop!”

“Shut the hell up and think for a second! I’d be able to dominate this terrain, don’t you think?”

Bertholdt’s next anchor barely hit its mark. “Ymir, stop, we’ll fall!”

“That’s fine with me. My Titan might not be as strong as yours, but I can move quickly through the trees. I could grab Eren and rendezvous with the Scouts before you even knew what hit you. Wouldn’t be that hard.” At her threat, Reiner found his footing on the next tree he anchored to and stopped. They couldn’t risk it. “If you don’t take Krista right now, I’ll make a nuisance of myself here.”

Why couldn’t she just go along with the plan?

“Are you completely insane?! We won’t be able to save her that way! All because of your selfishness! I thought that you genuinely cared!”

“I do, in my way. Even if it means robbing her of her future, I want to survive and see her again. As a person, I’m really lower than shit… But she knows that, and she smiles at me anyway. You two don’t know what that’s like, do you?”

He did…

“Damnit!”

“Don’t be mad. I’ve thought this through. If I fight here, it’ll make it easier for you to escape! Or,” she glared at Bertholdt, fire in her eyes, “we could always tear each other apart instead! You think I’m nuts?! Then try me and find out!”

They couldn’t risk fighting here and now. If they did, the Corps would catch up, and they’d be too exhausted to fight them or even run away at that point. Ymir was right; she had the upper hand in this situation.

Damnit…

“Fine! We’ll keep heading to the edge of the forest! You better follow through, Ymir!”

“I will!”

With that, she let go of Bertholdt, falling behind them into a burst of lightning. The plan seemed to fall with her.

Even so, Reiner had to push forward. They still had Eren. He was more than enough, but the Jaw Titan was a priority too. He had to retrieve it. It was his own idiocy that caused them to lose it. It was all him. If he couldn’t bring it back to Marley, he was an absolute failure.

He already felt like one.

The edge of the forest was soaring into view. Their future was somewhere on the other side. As they switched positions in holding Eren, he all but held his breath. If Ymir didn’t come, what was the course of action? If—

“She’s here, Reiner!”

There she was. If she’d returned to them, that meant she’d succeeded in nabbing Krista. Somehow, the plan was working. Somehow, it didn’t seem all for naught.

“Good.”

So, just as he had so many times before, he held a knife in hand, and he jumped from the trees. It was all muscle memory from there. He eyed his hand as the blood trailed into light, and he wondered what the pain really felt like. He’d never felt it. The wound always closed as soon as he transformed.

(f/n) had felt it...

Lightning.

Ymir and Bertholdt latched onto his shoulders, and he ran. He ran, like he had the day they’d come there. He ran like he had, with Bertholdt and Annie on his shoulders. He ran, with the weight of the world on his shoulders. Open sky, open land awaited his feet. He was finally free.

Why did it feel as if that wasn’t the case?

Upon his shoulder, he heard a cough. Krista must have woken up.

“Ymir!”

“Krista… No, Historia.” Ymir must have exited her Titan. “I’m sorry I ate you out of nowhere. You must be mad, right?”

Left, right, left, right…

“What is this? What’s going on? We came to rescue you and Ere—”

“You don’t need to rescue me! Things have changed! I’m with Reiner and Bertholdt now. Like it or not, you’re coming with us! There’s no future inside the Walls! Hear me out for a second, okay? Life outside isn’t as bad as you think. Believe me. There’s no one out here saying the world would be a better place if you’d never been born.”

Think again.

“Yeah?! I don’t think Titans would say much either way! They’d be too busy trying to eat me!”

“We all have our shortcomings, right?! They’re not so bad if you look past that! It’s complicated, alright?!”

“Ymir, I don’t know what’s going on in your mind, but you’re not making any sense! It must be… that Reiner and Bertholdt forced you to do this, right? They threatened you!”

From his other shoulder, he heard Bertholdt voice his own thoughts. “It’s the opposite, actually…”

“I’m right, aren’t I?! Let go! Whatever they’ve got on you, I don’t care! We can fight them! Put the past behind you! What matters is right now! I’m here! I will always be your ally!”

If only…

“Ymir!” Bertholdt. “In case you haven’t noticed, the Scouts are closing in. If we’d left earlier, there might’ve been a decent chance of outrunning them. Going back for Krista was your idea. You forced us. Remember that? Ymir, why? What did we do this for?! Have you changed your mind again? Have you decided to stay inside the Walls with Krista? Don’t be a fool! Think!”

A fool…

“Let go! Don’t listen to him!”

Don’t listen…

“I can’t!” Ymir’s voice was shattering upon the wind. “I wish I could. Historia, I know you think I did this for you. But, at the end of the day, I did it for me. A long time ago, I stole the power of the Titans from one of their comrades. Their power is absolute. Inside or outside the Walls, there’s nowhere for me to run. At this rate, I’m going to be killed… But, they said if I cooperate, hand you over, they’ll speak on my behalf to get my crimes pardoned. It’s because you’re so important to the Wallists, who know the secrets of the Walls… When this world started going to hell… I thought that being with you… would be insurance for the near future… I almost died fighting at the tower… And I just couldn’t take it anymore. I was scared of dying. I wanted someone to save me somehow… I lied, and told you I was doing it all for you, but, really… It was all for my own sake. I’m begging you, Historia! Please, please save me!”

Please…

Please, save me…

“Didn’t I just tell you, Ymir? No matter what happens, I’m on your side!”

He was running toward the sun, running toward the blaze, but it didn’t emanate the brilliance he’d always revered. No, that was behind him. She was behind him. He knew. It was inevitable.

Shadows always sail away from the sun, after all.

Then, another familiar sound…

Was that an anchor in his shoulder?

Was that the whir of the 3dmg?

Were they that close already?

Ymir’s scream told him they were.

“Reiner! Protect us!” Bertholdt jumped under his chin, and to shield him, Reiner brought both his hands up to form a cage against his neck. Just in time, for Mikasa slashed at his hardened knuckles only a second too late.

“Mikasa, no! You’re not going to kill Ymir!”

Mikasa was on his head now. “That all depends on her! What’ll it be?! She can step aside or she can die! Her choice!”

“Reiner.”

That voice…

On his right shoulder, next to his ear...

She shouldn’t be here. She’s injured. She shouldn’t be here.

“Reiner, I know you can hear me.”

I can, (f/n).

“Please, tell me this is some sort of misunderstanding. There’s no way…”

It isn’t.

“Tell me, was any of it real? Did you ever truly care about me? Or was it all part of this lie?”

It was real. I care about you. I care about you.

“How many lies did you tell me?”

Too many to count.

“Why…?”

She was crying. Her fists met his cheek; he barely felt them. He barely felt.

If he had it his way, he’d tell her how real it all was. If he had it his way, he’d take her with him. If he had it his way, he’d stay with her until the end of time, until he’d heard everything she knew and everything she didn’t and every wish and every cry a thousand times over. But, it was never fated to go his way. Fate didn’t favor bloodstained hands. He had to accept that. He had to.

He was up to his shoulders in red.

“Why would you do this to me, Reiner?!”

To save the world.

“Why would you hurt so many people?!”

To save the world.

“You’re terrible!”

I am.

“You’re terrible…”

Her voice fell to a whisper. He couldn’t hear anything else. It was only her.

It was always her.

“I guess it’s always been like this. I’ve never gotten any answers from you. You’ve never listened to me. I should’ve known.”

I’ve always listened. I hear you.

“You’re a monster. I cared about you, and you’re a monster.”

You’re right. You’ve always been right.

“None of that matters. Just focus on taking their heads off,” Mikasa’s words reached him. “If you even hesitate for a moment, we’ll never get Eren back. They’re a threat to Humanity. That’s all.”

Thump, thump, thump.

“Do you think that anyone wants to kill people?!” Bertholdt voiced his own thoughts, broken and all alone. “What kind of person would do this for fun?! Who would want to do this?! With what we did, of course you despise us and want to kill us! We can never take any of it back! But, we couldn’t come to terms with our sins… When we were pretending to be soldiers, it was a little bit easier. It’s not a lie, (f/n)! Connie! Jean! It’s true that we deceived you, but it wasn’t all lies! We really did think of you as friends! We really did care! I know… we don’t have the right to apologize. But, someone… Please, someone… I’m begging you, someone find us…”

“Bertholdt… Give Eren back.”

“I can’t do that. Someone has to do this. Someone…has to get blood on their hands.”

Someone...

“Everyone, jump off right now!”

She left a void on his shoulder. She left a void.

And Death was coming. Titans, a horde of Titans, were approaching them from ahead. The Commander was leading them straight toward Reiner. There was nowhere to go. The weight of the World was on his shoulders; the weight of his friends’ pain was there too. There was no escaping his sins. There was no escaping the path he’d set out on. All he could do was run, run and hope they’d make it out on the other side.

Just do what needs to be done, and keep moving forward.

With hands latched firmly to his neck, Reiner dipped his shoulder and ran. Just as he’d destroyed the gate those many years before, he rammed through the horde in his path. They kept coming. He kept charging. Ymir was screaming. They were around his neck, biting his head, holding him down. He had to move. Quickly, quickly, he had to move.

He had to get home.

Where could he go? He was surrounded. There was no way to fight with his hands around Bertholdt. There was no way to protect Bertholdt as he fought. What could he do? How many were there? Ten? Twenty?

It wouldn’t matter if they died.

Hold on, Bertholdt.

Just a little longer.

We’re almost there.

He let Bertholdt go, and he swung at the Titans closest to him. He swung, and he swung, and he prayed for safety. He prayed for home.

The Scouts…

They were upon him now. They were after Bertholdt. He had to choose the greatest enemy. He had to choose. He brought his hand up and around his friend.

“We’ve made it this far! We’re taking Eren with us and going back home!”

“Bertholdt!” Armin, upon his neck. “Are you two sure about this? You’re going to go home and leave your friend behind?”

Annie…

“You’re leaving Annie behind? Right now… Annie’s deep underground in Utopia District, to the far north… where they’re torturing her…”

No, no that couldn’t be true.

“As soon as they heard her screams, they realized… The wounds on her body might heal, but she can’t make the pain go away. They’re being careful not to kill her, of course, but they won’t let her rest. At this very moment, they’re inflicting pain on her in every way they know how—”

No, Annie…

“Children of the Devil!” Bertholdt… “I’ll kill every last one of you!”

At Bertholdt’s scream, Reiner looked down. At the sight of the Commander, he knew it was all over. Eren was falling; Eren was in Mikasa’s arms. They’d lost. He reached out to the retreating Survey Corps in a last attempt at recovering the Coordinate, but there was no moving with the Titans surrounding him, suppressing him.

It was over. He wouldn’t be able to last against so many Titans on his own. Bertholdt’s Titan was useless in a retreat. They needed Annie. They needed Marcel.

This was all his fault.

In an act of hopelessness and indignation, he picked up one of the smaller Titans and hurled it at their formation. He didn’t care who he killed. He didn’t care. He was on the brink. He was in a corner. So, he hauled another onto his shoulders, and he threw. If Eren was eaten, all the better. Perhaps the one to inherit his Titan would be less of a maniac. Perhaps, they’d be like Marcel. Then, they could go home.

Home…

With that on his mind, he could move. With that on his mind, he could push through hordes of Titans to his goal. In the face of Death, in the face of failure, he could do anything if home was the goal.

Lightning…

No, that wasn’t lightning. What was that?

Was that… the Coordinate?

What was that scream?

All of the Titans upon his back, all of the Titans begging for his nape, left him. They all ran past him, away, to devour another Titan. It was a Pure Titan. There was no reason for them to target it.

Unless…

Eren had the Coordinate. He could use it. The situation couldn’t be worse. Eren, of all people…

We have to get it back.

The last person in this world who should have that power is you, Eren.

“Stay back, you bastards! I’ll kill all of you!”

Eren’s voice reverberated in his very soul. That lightning was behind his eyes again, and he knew it was over. There was no escaping the horde Eren directed their way. There was no escaping his sins. Eren had promised an excruciating death; this was it. He would be devoured if he didn’t run. He would be devoured if he ran.

Bertholdt… I can’t keep him safe!

Bertholdt was screaming. There was nothing he could do. There was nothing.

Nothing…

But then, something so inexplicable happened.

Ymir came back.Ymir saved Bertholdt. Ymir fought the Titans along with him. For some reason, she’d chosen them; for some reason, he’d live another day. So, he ran. He ran until he couldn’t run anymore. He ran until his mind was numb. He ran until Ymir had to take over. And she ran until they were atop Wall Maria, the same Wall they’d destroyed those many years ago.

And, as they caught the breath they hadn’t anticipated in their lungs, he found only one question upon his lips.

“Ymir, why did you come back for us?”

“Well… Must be because I’m an idiot.” They didn’t laugh. “I’m here so you’ll have something to hand over. You guys can’t go home empty handed, right?”

He couldn’t believe it. “Do you understand there’s no hope of you being rescued if we go home from here? If you’re going to run… Now’s the time.”

“What’re you talking about, dumbass? I’m tired out. I’ve just had enough. I’m done.” In that moment, he had to agree. He felt done. Done with the hand he’d been dealt; done with the world; done with life.

“Ymir, why did you rescue me?” It seemed Bertholdt didn’t believe it either.

“Maybe because I heard your voice… If you hadn’t come to destroy this Wall, I would’ve been stuck in an endless nightmare. All I did was repay a debt. I’m the only one who knows about your situation, too… I’m the same way… I was hopeless on my own.” She reached toward the sky. The gesture pained him. He’d seen another hand reach for the stars so many times.

“Thank you, Ymir… I’m sorry.” Bertholdt was crying. If Reiner didn’t feel absolutely void, he would be as well.

“It’s fine… Being a goddess doesn’t feel so bad, either.”

He didn’t know about that.

But, something stuck with him. She’d said she would have been in an endless nightmare if they hadn't come to destroy the Wall. As he watched the stars parade across the sky, he had to agree, at least in some respect. If he’d never come there, he never would have experienced life. He never would have experienced friendship. He never would’ve experienced love. Within the Walls, he’d found a love for the World he’d never known. He’d wished for forever. He’d wished for a future. He’d planned a future. He’d found love.

He’d found (f/n).

She was everything he’d wanted. She was everything he’d known. She was everything he was never meant to know.

But, now, he realized that that destruction was a double edged sword. That destruction had led him to his present moment. That destruction had initiated his own endless nightmare, and there was no deliverance.

You deserve it, Reiner.

Next

#reiner braun #reiner braun x reader #reiner braun/reader #aot #snk manga #attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #bertholdt hoover #attack on titan ymir #historia reiss

[autopotion]

im at the “tear gets magical carbon monoxide poisoning” part of tales of the abyss, and reservations about damseling tear aside, this plot includes one of the best conversations in the game so far imo. basically, the party realizes that their endeavors to save the planet are actively killing tear, but resolve to complete the mission anyway. there are a few problems with this setup, such as the potential future sacrifice of the female lead (regardless of if she is actually sacrificed), but i actually like this plot more than i thought i would. (it’s just way too common in this genre to put the female lead in a position of Death by Unavoidable Circumstances, whether or not this death is actually averted, so i’m still a bit meh about it, but the conversation was good.)

luke and tear have a short conversation where tear is stoic and resolute, as usual, and luke is distressed. however, luke, furious and upset he might lose his closest friend, apologizes and says “I can’t ask you to stop because if we stop doing what we’re doing the rest of the world will die.” he just wants to be there for her in the small ways he can and recognize that tear is going through an immense trauma none of them can see because she keeps her emotions tightly locked away. the idea that luke will somehow derail their entire campaign to save the world just to save one person he loves is never on the table. he respects her decision to pursue this to the end.

in light of ALL the media that comes out about how people (or how men) will destroy anything and anyone to save a single specific person they care about (the last of us comes to mind), and that this sort of selfishness is apparently an inevitable part of human nature, i thought it was actually refreshing that the conversation was not about how to stop tear from pursuing this, but the horrible recognition that they can’t stop, they have a duty, and at least they can acknowledge tear’s feelings of distress, helplessness, and obligation on the way. the conversation touched on the fact that tear doesn’t want to die, luke really doesn’t want her to die, but they both feel saving the world is an important cause. their feelings were very human. tear doesn’t want to seem weak and afraid, but she is; luke wants to tell tear to stop doing this, but he can’t, and they both know it. so they just sit together with the pain.

i don’t think you can remove this plot from the context of Woman Must Be Strong In The Face Of Her Ultimate Sacrifice thing, or how annoying that kind of plot is in general, but, i think, unlike a lot of other games in the genre that present this same conundrum, the game says actually, tear, you don’t have to be strong. you don’t have to be the picture of feminine control. how do you even be “strong” in the face of your own demise? she doesn’t do the whole “put on a brave, pretty smile” thing, that isn’t how she rolls (and that character trait sets her apart from other female characters who are put in the same position and face it with false cheer). and i just really like how luke considered stopping the mission to save tear for maybe five seconds before he discarded the notion, because i can’t tell you how tired i am of plots about ostensibly heroic men who will allow anyone to die if it isn’t their loved one.

this interaction was the culmination of luke’s maturation and tear’s softening. luke isn’t a selfish brat anymore who cares only about his own personal gratification, and tear isn’t an unfeeling soldier with no regard for the sanctity of human life. they care about each other and the world, which is exactly why neither of them said “we have to stop the mission,” and why luke insisted he stay at her side when she is lonely and miserable in the face of her imminent demise.

the premise still has a lot of problems but the character writing of this scene felt so extraordinarily realistic. it really felt like it captured what two people might feel in this (admittedly wildly unrealistic) situation, and had something interesting to say about personal responsibility vs individual desires. it’s definitely the first time i’ve cried playing the game lol.

#abyss blogging #long post /

[kendrixtermina]

Compare and Contrast: The ‘Rival’ Characters

In each house there’s like this one guy who doesn’t really get along with the House Leader

I swear this is the last rambly essay. Or... second to last. 

Felix

Perhaps the most “typical” rival - The Blue Lions in general are designed around basic fantasy or anime archetypes with a twist here and there so its not too suprising that Felix starts off like a less chliched/ more reasonable variant of your basic anime rival. 

He’s your basic ‘Arrogant Kung Fu Guy’, a loner,  not very friendly, focussed on gaining strenght, used to be friends with the MC once, not a fan of “the power of friendship” but not immune to it either... though unlike most examples he’s not envious or obsessed with beating Dimitri nor actually particularly arrogant. When Leonie beats him with a trap in their support he’s like “Wow thanks, you made me aware of a potential weakness” 

Like your classic anime rival he is the strongest of the Lions apart from Dimitri himself, but has a contrasting fighting style - Dimitri is big, tanky and has immense brute strenght, but is clumsy; Felix is lithe, agile and has a very skill-based fighting style. The second strongest deer or eagle would not be Lorenz and Ferdinand.  It’s definitely Lysithea for the deer, and probably either Hubert or Petra for the eagles.   

Also like your classic anime rival, he’s got a backstory that parallels the hero’s. He also lost a beloved relative in the tragedy of Duscur and also still feels a lot of attachment to people who are gone, but he deals with it very differently than Dimitri. Unlike most cases you can’t really say that one of them did ir ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ both have their dysfunctionalities resulting from the loss if anything Felix is more level-headed though his rejection of all attachment isn’t grounded in maturity either. 

They managed to have the classic “ideals are BS, only strenght matters” line actually make sense in a non-voldemordy way for once if you consider the context where he grew up, he definitely has a point. Though he would protest the notion he actually has a moral code of his own (Dimitri clearly offends it - though mostly he’s really thrown of by/ doesn’t know what to make of the Dr. jekyll and Mr. hyde situation) he just wasn’t ever told that it “counts” as it’s not what passes for morals in Faerghus. He’s present and results oriented, rather than guiding principles or rules of thumb he likes to focus on wether it actually saves lifes. (”We’re protecting your subjects not your ego”)

Likewise it makes more sense for him to be the team contrarian when Dimitri actually does have no plan or regard for safety while he’s in Avenger Mode, but ultimately he very much wants Dimitri to succeed. 

Another thing of note is that since Claude and Edelgard are revolutionaries, their rivals are the token traditionalists of their respective teams, whereas Dimitri is someone who wants to reinstate the order - He doesn’t like oppression any more than the others but he thinks the existing social institutions have their merit; As he sees it they’d work just fine if they were just carried out virtuously and as a service to the people, not selfishly abused. Hence his rival is one of the two more independent-minded Lions. 

Lorenz

Of the three he’s probably the one who most dislikes their leader and who is most genuinely flawed at the start of the game. 

With Ferdinand it’s not more than a passing first impression you quickly notice that while he may be naive about how he comes across he isn’t actually arrogant nor does he hate or have seditious intentions toward Edelgard, he’s actually a deeply good guy, a straightforward hero to contrast Edelgard as an anti-hero. He lived an easy live in a good environment which allowed him to develop his potential to the fullest whereas Edelgard was forced to resort to things she doesn’t like because of her harsh life and precarious situation. She just wants to live quietly in peace but had to to grand impactful actions because someone needs to fix the broken system and she happened to have power she never asked for, meanwhile Ferdinand really wants to be a politician and go down in history but is afraid that he’s not making enough of an impact.  Felix is more complex, he truly IS mean and spiteful as a real character flaw (with Dedue and Dimitri he has arguably valid principle-based reason to dislike them; But with Sylvain and Ingrid he’s just being mean for meanness’ sake due to his own issues with attachment and says some genuinely awful things to them) but its the one sharp edge on an overall principled dude who actually does care for his comrades, Dimitri included, and he is not a bad person. 

Lorenz meanwhile is certainly not what he seems either, he’s not just a superior twat and actually very dutiful, believes that the nobility should actually live up to their obligations and is sort of a cautious shrewd political mind, surely not half as naive as Ferdinand. At the same time he has real shortcomings, at the start of the game he’s somewhat immature and frivolous (very apparent in his pre-timeskip supports with Sylvain and Byleth), though his intentions are not per se impure (he really wants to marry and is actually picky and romantic),  he just doesn’t get it in his head that those girls he’s hitting on find him annoying.

But eh, he was like 18 at the time. More damning is his callousness and lack of perspective. He doesn’t really look past his immediate surroundings and the self-interest of himself and his own, and at several times alledges that he wouldn’t have particularly minded if Claude wound up dead in a ditch. He doesn’t know him and genuinely doesn’t care about him, making cold, dissing comments all the time in early part 1.

Of course when you get more context and get further in both their support chain and the plotyou find that he actually has good reasons to distrust Claude, it’s not just snobbishness and prejudice he just really cares about the Alliance and doesn’t trust it to someone who just showed up out of nowhere under suspicious circumstances after the previous Duke had an ‘accident’ (which, ironically, was the work of Lorenz’ own father) - but that doesn’t change that he’s genuinely a little callous. 

If you don’t spare Claude on the empire route Lorenz stands out as the only person who will diss him - everyone else, imperial leadership included, is either sad or gives him the worthy opponent treatment, even Hubert who’s not usually the sort to point out his enemies’ redeeming features. He will also diss him in the Kingdom route and express spite that he didn’t get to be Alliance leader. 

Indeed while Ferdinand and Felix will wind up supporting Edelgard/ Dimitri if they’re not recruited, Lorenz always opposes Claude unless you’re on the GD route. Even some of the arrogance is real, see his A support with Byleth, he really thought that commoners were ultimately less consequential/influential even though, as he later admits, Byleth was right in front of him the whole time. 

To some extent this might be due to his upbringing his father was very much a “Look out for Number one” sorta person who cares only for the wealth of his own territory the rest of the Alliance be damned. Compared to that starting point Lorenz is already a whole lot more considerate as he thinks that his father at least ought to consider the rest of the Alliance, and would certainly NOT stab a rival in the back or callously kill commoners as collateral damage, even at the start of the game. 

I don’t wanna get too down on Lorenz tho, once you get to know him he’s adorable and sensitive (his caution comes from actually being somewhat afraid/anxious underneath) and as a friend he is very helpful generous and considerate. I love that support where he keeps offering Ignatz jobs, it’s probably his best moment. He got layers and ultimately ends up having a positive political legacy.  And if you’re playing GD or CF he even gets more open-minded by the end.  

He also makes for an excellent contrast to Claude - both are somewhat self-interested, opportunistic and distrustful, but Lorenz is cautious and conventional, whereas Claude is unconventional and a risk-taker. Ultimately what brings them together is appreciation for the other’s shrewdness and good intentions, they’re both natural politicians. They also both love poetry. 

And Claude’s storyline is one of bringing different people together and convincing them to come to his side/ have them come around. He uses deception to accomplish it, yes, but ultimately he wants people to see his point - Even someone who is as different from him as Lorenz is. After all he wants to build a world where there’s a place for everyone. So when he finally wins over Lorenz halfway through part 2 it means a lot to him. Claude probably half doubts that it’s possible but he wants everyone to truly come around. 

Whereas Edelgard would surely prefer convincing as well, but failing that she’d strongarm or eliminate someone like that. (Though it has to be said that she would do so because she cares deeply about the net result and one priviliged twat’s feelings, or even her own,  are not more important that ending oppression asap IMHO Both have a point and both have their shortcomings.) 

Another Detail is that while Ferdinand and Felix are each from the Second most Powerful house in their respective countries, the number two spot in the Alliance is probably held by the Gonerils; But the Alliance by nature is more flexible and there is more rising and falling in influence based on wealth merit and your ability to convince and rally the other nobles. Lorenz actually could take Claude’s job, and early on, actually wanted to, so he’s the closest to a real political rival - and Claude’s strenght is more in politics and planning than it is in punching so this is fitting. 

The other two are more one-sided, as Dimitri flat out ignores any hostility coming from Felix and would really like to be friends again (also Felix wants Dimitri on the throne ‘cause he’s still vastly better than Chaos or Cornelia, he’d just like him to act reasonable and get his act together, and is ready to support him once he does) and Ferdinand, try as he might, is simply no match for Edelgard in any way as she is the single strongest individual among the younger characters, she’s evenly matched with Byleth in the Church Route reunion scene and ends up with the highest total stats out of all the playable characters. 

Ferdinand

Though he’s introduced as always trying to one-up her, makes sure to tell you that he’s the one in charge when you first walk in (no doubt naively repeating something his father said), can end up being full-blown enemies with her in 3 out of 4 routes including the Church route, he doesn’t actually have any sort of personal beef with Edelgard and out of the three ‘rivals’ he probably has the least actual issues with/ dislike toward his respective house leader. 

Even when they wind up as enemies he’s actually one of the characters who speaks of Edelgard in a respectful fashion after her death (in GD he mentions how she wanted the next ruler to be chosen based on merit and how she really believed it), and at one point offers Hubert to let the two of them flee right under the Church’s nose if you have them fight. (Especially notable since the Church route is probably the least sympathetic toward Edelgard)

He IS the one who gets the classic rival trait of being competitive, jealous and attention-seeking - I tend to hate these sorts of characters but that’s usually because they are petty, spiteful people who begrudge other’s happiness and are always putting others down so I expected to hate him but actually ended up loving him to no end because he isn’t like that at all. He’s deeply good and has a heart of pure gold. He never lashes out. If someone dislikes him, his reaction is usually to come up some grandiose elaborate gesture to prove his worth and make them like him (Mercedes, Bernie, Dorothea etc.) 

Ferdinand was raised by an actual supervillain who clearly wanted to bring him up with an ellbow mentality but that clearly bounced off his inherent goodness like teflon. His sheltered luxurious upbringing might’ve left him a bit naive pre-timeskip in ways that make him come off a tad arrogant or annoying, but he doesn’t think he’s superior to anyone - indeed he works hard to be worthy of his inheritance and justify being in the position that he’s in. He’s somewhat aware that his father’s a crook but his response to that disillusionment is to become the real thing himself. He wants to actually be exceptional and live up to the hype.  The old man surely told him that he’s got to make the princess his bitch with some thinly veiled euphemisms but he kinda didn’t catch the seditious treasonous parts of it. 

He doesn’t hate Edelgard nor does he wanna doublecross her or put her down, rather, he figures that he’ll be a pretty poor Minister if he can’t hold his own against her he must have something of his own to offer and just generally strives to constantly improve himself. He also strongly believes in thinking for oneself (in that sense he’s kinda like Felix but its a more intellectual thing for him) - In the Church route that’s why he views it as his duty to oppose Edelgard even if it costs him alot. If he sticks with them instead, he eventually realizes that she and Hubert are actually all for independent thought and actually pretty open to his input once they come to trust him (which doesn’t really happen on the other routes). If recruited to the Kindom he’ll also not be afraid to criticise Dimitri. Can’t recall any scene where he criticises or defies Claude right of the bat but then again Claude doesn’t exactly go around saying what his objectives are.

He certainly sticks out among the eagles the way Felix does among the lions - not quite to the same extent cause he’s not that polished and inadvertedly annoys people a lot early on, but they’re all pragmatic, antisocial or both and also largely unconventional and quirky, whereas Ferdinand is very sociable, optimistic, has high ideals and  traditional. He’s the one among the nobles who actually wants his father’s job, he’s also the one believer among the largely secular Adrestians, though he’s not exceptionally devout. Though he values collectedness, he’s an expressive romantic sop and very genuine in contrast to the more stoic and unsentimental Edelgard and Hubert (as well as Byleth if they’re on the team), i mean Dorothea’s also extroverted and friendly but she’s often wearing a mask and kinda jaded too. Caspar’s nice and honest but he basically lives to fight.  Basically if the Crimson Flower cast were Section Nine, Ferdinand would be Togusa - and like the Major, Hubert and Edelgard actually appreciate him for that though this is not immediately obvious to him. 

Ferdinand obviously matures some as the storyline continues but - consider that Lorenz basically gets schooled and Claude is 100% right, and Felix gets to get over himself and stop being so tsundere, he’s not all wrong but he’s not right either and in his Kingdom route endings usually winds up continuing his dad’s legacy after all, even winding up in one of those chivalric tales he used t hate in his paired endings with Dimitri. Lorenz’ position is understandable, Felix has a valid point and comes from a good place, but largely, they are wrong. Ferdinand does somewhat change what he thinks but it’s more of a hegelian synthesis. He’s a helpful ally who contributes a lot and Edelgard and Hubert kinda know this before he does because he was busy comparing himself to her. He’s not gonna beat Edelgard at Edelgard stuff but he has a lot to offer precisely because he’s Ferdinand, and because he’s different from them and actually helps them improve and refine their plans. 

After all if you want to replace a flawed system you’ve got to understand why it persisted and your new system has to solve all the problems the old one solves and then some, if it is to last. 

Unlike Felix Ferdinand’s very proud of his country, but this is in the context of the Eagles’ main storyline being to put right what their parents done fucked up (or, in the case of Dorothea and Petra, what created the sucky circumstances they lived in) whether they do it with Edelgards revolution or through reconciling their homeland with the church. 

Of course Ferdinand isn’t blind to his homeland’s flaws and wants to fix it because he cares about it. 

Leonie

Now onto the MC’s own designated rival. 

She probably can be said to be have a shade of petty jealousy but since it’s centered around a shared mentor figure and largely harmless it comes off with a distinct annoying-younger-sister vibe more than a more serious rivalry. She never really gets overly upset that she can’t beat Byleth; She just kinda keeps trying undeterred; Might as well shoot for a high target. 

Notably she is actually a remarkably chill person in her other supports and has a lot more characterization than just the jeralt thing, with her poor village background and frugal, pragmatic outlook being pretty interesting, she just doesn’t get along with Byleth, but since they’re the POV character and Leonie is kinda constantly aggro at them that works in her detriment. For all that I’m frequently praising how even the more gimmicky characters are seldom one-note I still think they could’ve eased up on the gimmicks now and again. 

On the other hand, it shouldn’t be so strange that even Byleth can’t immediately get along with everyone xD

Much like most of Bernadetta’s supports start with her freaking out and running away, Byleth’s usually go like this: At C the various characters act largely how they act toward everyone else (the nice characters are nice, the blunt ones are blunt etc.), then at B they spill their life story and worries and Byleth is like “pat pat”, by the second half of part II the monastery dialogues also evidence some level of fondness and familiarity even with the students that aren’t in your house  (which is important cause most of them are pretty sad and apologetic about having to fight Byleth later on)

But of course there’s exceptions here, you have cases like Felix and Edelgard who instantly like them because of obvious similarities, people who take distinctly longer to be won over such as Hubert and Dimitri but ultimately do click with them after a certain point, and then there’s cases like Claude and Dorothea who DO like Byleth but are still somewhat stumped by their somewhat unreadable demeanor, they’re used to dazzling ppl with their charm, not getting the expected reaction and hence their defense mechanisms are lowkey active, indignation for Dorothea and suspicion for Claude. 

Leonie doesn’t fit either category she sorta tries to apologize for her latest outburst each time but then ends up going off again. 

On the one hand the fact that she isn’t overawed isn’t always a negative thing, it’s like she’s part of the family, and particularly the human side of it. 

After they merge with Sothis most the students are awed and excited about their new power/looks and comming divine revelation - some of the eagles are notably cooler on this as they’re not as religious, Bernie’s lowkey scared, Dorothea seems kinda worried about them/ that this will distance them from normal people, Edelgard is secretly heartbroken cause she takes it to mean that they’re destined to be enemies - they’re not the only ones tho Lysithea notably worries about side effects (she would), but then there’s Leonie who’s like “But it’s still you inside there, right? That’s what important.” Like... I think Byleth really needed to hear that. 

Instead of “wow everyone mysteriously likes you, you must truly be blessed” she’s like “you accept ppl as they are just like your dad no wonder people like you. ”, she just looks at them with a different perspective. 

I mean Cyril and Catherine get a bit jelly that they get so much of Rhea’s attention but then that’s tied up in their own adulation of Rhea and so ultimately the magical destiny thing. 

Even the infamous B support evidences a somewhat different, less distanced dynamic - Anger is a natural stage of grief but she’s going off in Byleth’s face when they’re still half in schock, which is a not so great situation but also different from the usual dynamic where Byleth is the calm in-control leader person while their conversation partner spills their soul - they can’t be, because they’re involved. Jeralt’s death affects them both in different ways and that leads to a rather painful clash. 

Contrast wise Leonie is maybe what Byleth might’ve been like if they had been born normally. She’s also kinda sassy has a pragmatic fighting style and comes from a common, nonfancy background where she had to work on her own survival by catching her own food. But she doesn’t have the magical destiny/ random religion ready to throw itself at her feet, as she often points out she doesn’t have a crest or money so she has to be shrewd to even get her hands on good equipment instead of having a mystical legendary artifact just falling into her lap. 

One wonders if Byleth and Edelgard ever ended up hiding out in some odd place in order to escape from two lance wielding redheards looking to duel them XD

Outcomes

Though Ferdinand gets this dialogue where he wonders about what might’ve been and laments the “Adrestia-shaped hole in his heart” his endings are actually pretty similar regardless of what faction he ends up with. He almost always becomes a statesman or politician of some sort.

He didn’t rely on things just falling into his lap so when they stop doing that he still succeeds, besides with his optimistic go-getter attitude and determination, it’s not a surprise that he’d be fine no matter what happens. It’s a big shock to him when his land gets confiscated on non-empire routes but he always deals somehow and comes out on top through the trials and tribulations.

By contrast Felix gets tons of unique dialogue for each route (with the most, but not complete overlap between VW and SS) and his endings are vastly different depending on wether he sticks with Dimitri or not to the point that even paired endings with the same characters can be vastly different. Generally speaking if he sticks with Dimitri he suceeds his dad and becomes Dimitri’s Right Hand Man (or Left Hand Man depending on where Gilbert and Dedue end up) whereas on the other routes he becomes a wandering mercenary and kinda doesn’t seem as satisfied with the independence and strenght that he used to want so badly.    

Only Bernie and Alois come significantly close to having such hugely divergent endings based on route (He becomes the leader of the Knights of Seiros - unless he turns against them then he just chills with his family. Bernie gets a lot more “confident” endings in CF, the one with Byleth is a 180 and the Hubert one is similar, also she’s out of her room a lot more and talks about traveling etc. and even there it’s not ALL endings nor quite as pervasive. )

As for Lorenz there’s three ways it can go. If not recruited he plays ball with the empire out of self-preservation and, its implied, to save his father who’s not worth half of him, and gets killed in the process should the empire lose.

If he’s on your team there’s 2 basic paths depending on whether you’re on one of the ‘revolutionary’ routes (VW and CF) or the ‘restore order’ ones (SS and AM) Either he initially follows to pursue his own interests but eventually comes around to Claude’s and/or Edelgard’s ways of thinking, or, you spare him, since he joined the empire ‘cause they looked to be winning he’ll have no qualms jning you when you appear to win, esp once you nap that pesky bridge through which the Imperial troops would’ve marched in, so he has more leeway to do what he actually wants to do, ie oppose the empire and go down in history like he always wanted. He doesn’t change as much but gets plenty of opportunity to show off his more gallant side and redeem himself for the initial turncoatery.

As far as Leonie’s endings go, it’s nice to know that there was someone to take over Jeralt’s mercenary troupe - Byleth probably always thought they would do it but now they’re off being King/Queen/Archbishop/ eating cake with Edelgard 

So she needn’t have worried/ eventually was able to take on Jeralt’s legacy like she wanted precisely because she isn’t magic

Of course there’s also the outcome where she dies somewhat ironically  either at Gronder (”Can’t back down because I know you I’m a proper mercenary”) or Myrrdin (particularly ironic since Jeralt didn’t trust Rhea one bit and Solon and Kronya did, not, in fact, report to Edelgard. She was ostensibly trying to get Jeralt on her side post Remire.), in either case to fulfill her dream and become like her mentor she’s pitted against that mentor’s own kid, no option where she can be truly true to her allegiance.... slightly less so in the empire route since she believes she has good cause for revenge here, und understandably so. Edelgard can’t exactly go around yelling “I mean to DOUBLECROSS you!” where the slitherers can hear so she did look guilty. 

It is supposed that she died offscreen at Gronder in the church route. :( Better recruit her. And Alois, if you’re doing CF, so poor Byleth doesn’t have to hack through all their remaining quasi-relatives. 

#fire emblem three houses #fire emblem: three houses #fe3h #ferdinand von aegir #lorenz hellman gloucester #felix hugo fraldarius #leonie pinelli

[peggycarterisacat]

Possibly one of my more controversial opinions about the series is that I don’t think the Kingsguard was blindly following Aerys without regard for personal morality. Barristan and Jon Darry seem to have seen their duty to the King above all else, but I don’t think it was the same with the others.

None of them did enough to stop Aerys, but I think they had longer-term plans that ultimately fell apart (more on that later). It’s also difficult to suss out what was actually happening because Jaime is our POV character here, and his thoughts on the Rebellion and the Kingsguard are pretty vague. He deals with his trauma by dissociating and not thinking about it, and he has a lot of trauma around this time in his life. (Plus I don’t think Jaime knew everything that was going on in the first place.)

Even in those few small mentions, though, there are hints that they weren’t completely loyal to Aerys. 

Arthur Dayne, Oswell Whent, and Gerold Hightower, by remaining at the Tower of Joy, showed their loyalty to Rhaegar above Aerys. Hightower semi-publicly disagreed with Aerys at the Harrenhal tourney (by offering to return to King’s Landing in Jaime’s place). Aerys had to threaten Elia before Lewyn Martell left to lead the Dornish army in the Rebellion.

I also think the way that Arthur handled the Kingswood Brotherhood points to his resistance against Aerys.

One of the tipping points where Aerys started to become more brutal, paranoid, and vengeful was the Defiance of Duskendale in 277. (If you don’t know the details, Aerys was held captive for months and then after his rescue, he had everyone from the two Houses involved tortured and executed.)

The whole thing with the Kingswood Brotherhood happened after this, around 280-281. On one of their raids, the Brotherhood attacked Elia Martell’s escort as they were traveling through, and Ser Gerold Hightower was injured defending her. This was right around the time she married Rhaegar, and this would’ve been a really big deal. The smallfolk in the Kingswood were actively aiding and sheltering the Brotherhood. I feel like, under the circumstances, Aerys would’ve been pushing for the issue to be resolved quickly, no matter the collateral damage to disloyal smallfolk. 

Arthur was in charge of the force sent to take down the Brotherhood, and he took the slow route - he won them over by treating them with respect and successfully petitioning Aerys for better rights. I feel like I can’t put enough emphasis on that. This was a time when Aerys was paranoid, saw enemies everywhere, wouldn’t even leave the Red Keep. Arthur got Aerys to agree to make concessions for the common people of the Kingswood, who were actively acting against the throne. 

So, if several of the Kingsguard were not fully loyal to Aerys, why did no one stop him?

A World of Ice and Fire puts forward the idea that Rhaegar organized the Harrenhal tourney as a means of gathering all of the major Houses together to begin to overthrow Aerys.

Harrenhal isn’t exactly a thriving tourist destination, and at the time it was owned by the Whents, who were not a particularly wealthy family. The tourney was ostensibly held to celebrate the nameday of Lord Whent’s (unnamed) daughter, and huge prizes were offered - greater than the ones offered by Tywin Lannister at a tourney a few years prior. So someone else must have been funding the tourney. The tourney was also announced shortly after Oswell Whent visited his family - he was one of the Kingsguard who appears to have been in Rhaegar’s inner circle.

But Aerys caught wind of the plan and unexpectedly attended the tourney, derailing all of those plans.

I believe that several members of the Kingsguard were involved in Rhaegar’s plan and were trying not to arouse suspicion by seeming disloyal in the meantime. I’m not necessarily trying to defend their decision - Rhaella and Elia and many others were victims of this approach - but I imagine they thought what they were doing was for the greater good. I don’t think it was an easy decision or one they made lightly, and it ended in tragedy.

But saying that the Kingsguard were simply pawns for Aerys is a massive oversimplification of the situation.

#valyrianscrolls #kingsguard #aerys's kingsguard #arthur dayne #oswell whent #gerold hightower #lewyn martell #barristan selmy #jonothor darry #jaime lannister #rhaegar targaryen #aerys targaryen #long post #asoiaf #ask

[sunsiac]

king and queen / jaehyun [4]

genre: murder mystery, romance, angst

member: jaehyun

word count: 1.4k

warnings: none

summary: a young prince and a knight’s daughter are an unlikely pair, but nonetheless, these two were attached at the hip as children. without any royal duty or stress, it proved to be an unexpected yet beautiful friendship.even as they grew up together, they only developed to be more inseparable. they proved this when she, hakyeong turned 16, and he, jaehyun, gave her one of the most precious gifts he could; both of their first kisses. but it was bad timing. their respective responsibilities dawned on them quicker than they would’ve imagined, forcing them to grow apart. 5 years later, the both of them 21, meet again after jaehyun’s older brother who is about to be crowned king is found dead. A string of murders throughout the castle force them to come together and find the one behind it before one of them is next.

—

HAKYEONG :

It was around noon now, around an hour after a meeting was called. It was kept mostly a secret, what was discussed, but nonetheless, word spread quickly. Or more accurately, rumours spread quickly. Some said the meeting was called to discuss the repetitive meals, while others said that it was a debate on whether or not they were going to go on with the coronation.

I personally didn't believe either, neither of them really settling correctly in me.

I was off-duty for most of the day today, surprisingly. But, I didn't have much to do, so, against my better judgement, I went out and wandered around for a few hours. I even contemplated visiting home for a little, considering the short distance. But, somehow, I ended up in the courtyard again.

I sat down on the same marble bench, next to the patches of white gardenias and yellow tulips. And for a while, I tried to bask in the indifferent atmosphere, trying my best to clear my mind of everything, most of all Hyeonsik and Jaehyun. I forced my heartbeat into something resembling a calm rhythm until the deep feeling in my chest became bearable.

Time has a funny way of turning to mush in the courtyard, minutes stretching as long as days, weeks shortening to the length of a few mere seconds. Time was like a piece of wet clay beneath my fingertips, growing longer and longer, until it snapped suddenly, without warning.

"Hakyeong?"

My glazed-over eyes come back into focus just in time to see Eunhye standing there, visibly out of breath.

My brows knitted together in confusion as I asked, "Is something wrong?"

She took a quick breath before she started, her words coming out slightly choked. "There's a letter in our dorm room, and I opened it-"

"Woah, slow down, what was in our dorm room?"

"A letter," She said, her voice flatter as she cleared her throat.

"A letter? Did you open it?"

She nodded, handing me a piece of paper sealed with a yellow ribbon that I recognised well.

'Hakyeong, would it please you to help me wrap some invitations for the ball?' The queen had asked me this once when I was young, around 10, I believe.

I remember giddily accepting, heavily flattered that she would trust me to help her do something so important. I had sat down at a table next to her, bouncing happily on the velvety pillow being used as an impromptu booster.

When I had first come back to the castle with Jaehyun, I was 8 years old. And at that time, the girl dressed in her favourite white skirt and a comically pink blouse wasn't aware of what that meant, and how much would stem from that day. Based on introductions alone, I remember liking his parents a lot, his father kind and with a smile that reminded me of his. His mother had always especially been nice to me, loosely calling me the 'daughter I never had' on occasion.

And, oh, I basked in it.

I loved having someone that felt like my mother, someone that fit around the image of my own from my even younger years. Something who not even Mrs Nakamoto, someone I regularly referred to as 'mom', could fill.

I remember her smile as I asked if she really wanted me to help with such an important job, 'Of course I want you to, who else would I pick?'

I just giggled as she laughed along, handing me a thin yellow ribbon. 'I need you to roll the papers up and tie them shut. Can you do that?'

I remember nodding, following her instructions with a smile stretched across my youthful lips. When I had held up the first completed, she smiled as I waved it in my hand, the yellow ribbon going with it.

She loved to put the colour yellow on everything possible, I'd figured. The cheery colour was like the ground's unofficial main accent. It was in flowers, in paintings on the walls, in her dresses, every little spot you could think of had it. Because of this, it was Hyeonsik's absolute favourite colour. Even before I knew him well, I always saw a yellow handkerchief hanging out of his pocket.

Now, holding a similarly rolled paper with the familliar yellow ribbon tied around it, I couldn't believe my eyes. I unrolled it quickly, sticking the mundane ribbon in my pocket as I skimmed through it. There were minutes of silence as my eyes went over the page, my heart sinking deeper and deeper into my chest with each word. When I looked up, I felt numb.

It was Hyeonsik's burial.

—

I saw ten people, fifteen at most when I walked out to the courtyard again later that evening. The sun was setting appropriately, giving everything the golden hue that Hyeonsik prized so much.

The timing was a sweet touch.

The burial itself looked to be a private thing, which I did understand, but I still didn't know why they were so hellbent on keeping everything from the public. It had been almost a week since, and they had to do something eventually. But, I knew it wasn't my concern.

The setting of the burial itself made the normally beautiful space look ethereally sad. The flowers waved rhythmically in the wind as their shadows cast down on the walks below them.

From where I was walking in, I could make out the casket, laying open in a hole surrounded by flowers. It was a pain to think that I would have to look at his face like that, but I continued my steps nonetheless, trying my best to look unfazed.

But when I stopped at a seat, my expression melted. It hit me hard then;

Hyeonsik is gone.

I sunk down into the seat at that moment, too caught up in my feelings to see someone heading towards me. They were dressed in a simple black suit, a small piece of yellow fabric pinned to their lapel. I recognised it almost immediately in the corner of my eye as a piece of Hyeonsik's handkerchief, but was left to wonder who in the world would have that.

At least, until they stopped next to me.

I looked up to see the man sitting down next to me, his figure slightly tense as he did. At first, I didn't know what to say, the random but obviously calculated action making my words stick in my throat.

"Jaehyun,"

I looked over at him, his lips tugging up in a small smile. "Hi, Hakyeong. How have you been?"

My chest sunk even further at his formal tone.

"I've been alright," I nodded, making him raise a brow, but ultimately look away and say nothing.

"How have you been?" I asked, straightening up as he looked back over. "I assume it's different,"

He just nodded, avoiding my eyes as he almost perfectly mirrored my response.

"I'm sorry," I said this after a minute of silence, making him meet my eyes once again. "I thought I would know what to say,"

He shook his head and gave me a small smile. "I understand. It's not exactly normal circumstances,"

And, there it was again. There was something that I should say to him, but I let it hang in the air, not fully grasping the courage to pluck it down. So, I didn't reply

"Hey, take care of yourself, okay? Hopefully the next time we talk it'll be more casual," He sighed out, his lips tugging up in another gentle smile as he stood.

I nodded. “Yeah, let’s promise it’ll be a little happier, too, okay?”

He gave me a small nod as to convey his agreement. He had just begun to walk away before turning back and adding something else quietly. So quiet that if I weren't listening, I probably wouldn't have heard. "And, Hakyeong, just know that it's not healthy to hold in tears."

Words were frozen in my mouth, but before I could reply, he turned on his heel once again. I let a pained smile rise to my lips.

I guess some things don't change.

— 

<< previous - next >>

#neowritingsnet #jaehyun #jaehyun nct #nct jaehyun #jaehyun x oc #jaehyun x reader #jung jaehyun #nct #nct u #nct dream #nct 127 #jaehyun fluff #jaehyun au #jaehyun blurb #jaehyun fic #jaehyun imagine #jaehyun fanfic #taeil #johnny #taeyong #yuta #kun #doyoung #ten #winwin #jungwoo #lucas #mark #xiaojun #hendery

[elegant-etienne]

For Eti Adi & Kadin, if you'd be willing to answer for all 3! - 23. How does your character view death? Have they ever had to attend a funeral? If they were tasked with organising the funeral for someone, what manner of rites would they have performed? Do they believe in an afterlife? What about the Raise spell - do they believe it can be used, at all, or for the forces of good? Would they consent to being Raised themself?

FFXIV: ARR character asks!

One of my favorite subjects, thank you for the ask, @trahearnes ! What’s this, an excuse to lore-dump from my notes about my characters?! Sign me up!

Growing up in Ishgard, Etienne attended their share of funeral masses. The ones that hit hardest were young people cut down in the war - or due to complications of the cold and poverty of the Brume - before they ever really had a chance. As Etienne was the only living relative of their adoptive mother, they arranged for her funeral after caring for her long-term as she died of liver disease. They don’t remember that funeral particularly clearly as they were suffering tremendously from alcohol withdrawal at the time.

Despite being raised in the Church, Etienne has never felt particularly connected to Halone, especially as they grew up and grew increasingly aware of the hypocrisy endemic to Her followers. Etienne instead became devoted to Nald’thal, particularly the aspect of Thal, after witnessing a sermon at Arrzaneth Ossuary. They are not only a thaumaturge in the sense of being able to do the magic, but as a spiritual calling. They believe it is their duty to look after the dead - not so different from what they once did in Ishgard. They feel a sympathy and closeness with the dead. They view death as an integral part of life, and in fact find it comforting that their life will, must, eventually end. In fact they actually find death to be incredibly beautiful in a way that’s difficult to articulate. Etienne has trained in the rituals of the dead quite extensively, and when they worked as an adventurer, considered it an extension of their duty to help lay any dead to rest, regardless if they’d been enemies before. They would also take on the task of taking any belongings back to loved ones of the deceased, etc. Because of this, they’ll do their best to perform whatever practice would be what the dead wished for, and attempt to find out if they cannot answer that question.

Etienne believes the teaching of the Ossuary, that all must go before Thal for judgment in order to be welcomed to His halls. To Etienne, there is an important distinction in being welcomed to Halone’s bosom because you were virtuous, and being judged by Thal as worthy because of the proof of what you accomplished in life. They also stress that the emphasis on prosperity and material gain is intentionally misinterpreted by many in Ul’dah.

During Etienne’s thaumaturge training, not only did they learn about looking after the dead, but they handled threats of voidsent and so on. Having seen a voidgate open on more than occasion, Etienne is adamantly against any activity that could potentially let something through, and to them, that would be allowing a soul to get shoved back into a body after the aether was exhausted and the spirit temporarily fled. They are adamantly against any kind of magic approaching necromancy, and think Raise would be skirting the line. That being said, they’d consider it a genuine crisis of faith if faced with losing someone they cared for when they had an option to bring them back.

I think they would similarly struggle with whether or not they would want to be Raised. On paper, according to their own beliefs, they should go to Thal and accept their death. And yet, who would be able to accept that fate when faced with the option to accomplish a little bit more?

Adi has a more neutral stance on death - it’s neither good or bad, it’s an inevitable circumstance, like the weather. You can curse it all you like but it doesn’t lessen its effects. Having honed his healing skills by being forced to endure torture and life-threatening injuries, as well as watching members’ of his family fall apart mentally and physically during the prologued hereditary, and thus far terminal illness, has deeply affected his own view on his mortality. He’s both aware of how fragile a mortal can be, and how much they’re capable of enduring. Even as a dangerously powerful conjurer, he’s aware of his own limitations, and that some things (the life of his mother, his eye) cannot be saved. Best not to dwell on that, do what you can and be satisfied with that if possible.

Spiritually, he believes that the latent aether within all living things returns to the lifestream, and that aether is reused in all living things. The dead should also be reused, and all dead family members are placed in a shallow crypt beneath the roots of a great caretaker tree that provides food and air to all who choose to live in the ruins deep, deep underground. The faces of the dead appear in the bark of the tree, and thus they are never ‘gone’. However, it would be a tragedy for someone in the family to not be returned to the crypt, because they could not then ‘feed’ the rest of the family, or be remembered. Adi has also witnessed some evidence that some part of these family members is actually ‘alive’ within the tree, able to move and respond to being spoken to, although he is the only one who’s been able to see it. Because of this, sometimes he has trouble remembering his mother is actually dead, as when he goes home to visit his family, he is apparently able to speak with her.

He would wish to be Raised because is his family’s hope for survival. Maybe they don’t deserve it, but he takes it seriously.

Kadin’s clan has practiced ritual cannibalism for as long as they can remember as a way to respect the dead, and also to avoid burying people somewhere that would upset the elementals in the Shroud. They lived in a way so as to intentionally avoid wasting anything that could not be given back to the Shroud. Most of their spiritual practices were abandoned after the Calamity, as their leadership and way of life changed after the death of their leader (Kadin’s aunt) and the most powerful huntresses (her daughters) - it became immediately noticeable after the disaster that the elementals weren’t as strong as they once were, so the strictness of their drive to coexist with them changed. Kadin’s mother, who took over the tribe after the death of her sister, believed that these practices were barbaric and others would look down on them for doing it, and put an end to it.

Kadin believes that others literally live on after death because of how much of their essence was taken in by others, whether this involves consuming of the flesh of the dead, blood brotherhood, having children, or simply… combining… essence… in another manner. Like with dicks. In order to become truly strong, and understand others, you should take a part of them into you. When you die, you’re reborn, and are mostly a blank slate, but you’ll contain the essences of others within you and that will form who you ultimately are. For obvious reasons, he avoids discussing this, or practicing this, openly.

Kadin would want to be Raised so he can keep fighting! But he would also be alright with dying at this point, as he’s shared enough of his essence with others that he’s sure he’ll live on somehow.

#trahearnes #asks #ooc #about

[scifimagpie]

Solidarity and Other Dreams

One of the most subtle and painful things about the internet age - perhaps any age - is finding out that someone you admire has acted in a far less-than-admirable way. Reconciling that with continued affection can be tricky. For example, I've heard some mega-questionable things about Amanda Palmer, wife of Neil Gaiman - who has been thoroughly castigated ad nauseam in public and private. And so it goes for many celebrities and important figures around the general Leftist/leftist/liberal community. You can probably think of someone you like who's done or said something insensitive, ableist, transphobic, racist, homophobic, misogynist, or otherwise disappointing. Someone who didn't take a strong enough stance, or too strong a stance, or said something that made your skin crawl.

Have I been this person? Probably. I try to hunt down and deal with my own mistakes, relying on the trauma-survivor skills of micro-self analysis. I count my sins and errors and mistakes like pre-reformation Scrooge with his money. I do not forget or forgive myself. This is not necessarily a character strength, either, nor something I recommend to others.

And of course, many of us do that with others.

But recently, after ditching a friendship that was bad for me, I went to my "blocked users" list on Facebook and really had a look at this. I remembered most people on it. Some were casually encountered, but some had become friends - who had, at one point or another, said something I really, really didn't like.

And I considered...is it really worth keeping someone blocked if you can't remember the exact nature of their infraction?

What makes someone unsafe?

I've seen my share of panicky, touchy arguments on Facebook, including one where an activist I looked up to accused someone else of "gaslighting" them for having a different opinion about interpretations of a Steven Universe character's race. I've been in those arguments, too. (Not that one in particular, but similar situations.)

Part of the problem for those of us on the left is that calls for solidarity usually result in a backlash of people saying, "we have to work with those we don't like? But that means supporting abusers!" Well - sometimes it doesn't. It's tricky to talk about abuse, because those of us who've survived it in various ways tend to be extremely gun-shy - sometimes excessively or even unhealthily so.

And in the moment, it can be hard to tell if someone's comments about, say, a given woman or actress represent their feelings about All Of Womanity, or anything else.

Do we tolerate mistakes?

This is such a tricky problem. Obviously, as a white woman - even a queer, plump, neurodivergent, partially disabled one - I have a giant swath of privilege that affects how I'm coming at things. I'm cisgender, and I'm white, and even femme - all things that can, in certain circumstances, give me a free pass that would not be afforded to others. Obviously, kyriarchy - hierarchies and power that exist outside of patriarchy - is a thing that exists. Dealing with it sucks. Some people get forgiven for their screw-ups a lot more readily than others, and the people forgiven are usually white. The people who don't get away with things are usually black, or other people of colour; men also tend to get away with more than women. BUT - there are also times when we have to question whether conflicts or errors are as important as the general need to fight for our rights. And perhaps we need to be more honest about how dangerous or not-dangerous specific people are.

As one of my found-family siblings, Iskara, put it,

The left are collectivists and the right are individualists. We know this. But you can't use those traits to compete with others who have the same trait, you're pretty equal. So to establish a hierarchy within their respective groups, they use the opposite approach. The left will attack individuals who are below them to prove that they are the wokest. The right will attack entire groups of people who don't have the right values as individuals. Therefore, the right is willing to unite with people it disagrees with because those disagreements are part of the life of an individualist, but collectively they hate this other group more and they have that in common. Meanwhile the left is trying to figure out which single persons belong in or out of the collective which makes us far more likely to attack our allies over trivial matters, because we consider the purity of the person beside us to be a reflection on our own purity.

The hidden rules

The thing is - and trying to put this politely is difficult - white people who are queer tend to engage in this purity-testing a lot more often than others. Black people and people of colour, and those with multiple intersections of disability, are already used to forgiving others a lot or gritting their teeth and bearing things. As members of a visible majority in North America, we feel confident in our ability to reject others and replace them as need be. We're inherently comfortable, a lot of the time, in the belief that someone else will come around and fill the empty seat, because there are just so many white and queer people. This can be less true for transgender people, but the squabbles I've seen online suggest that the sense of white social complacency is still basically applicable.

This is not to excuse myself. When I was a teenager, and even in my early twenties, it seemed a lot more important to be strict about whom I interacted with, within the left, and how they perceived things. As much as micro-aggressions and macro-aggressions both matter, and as much as both can grind us down - those of us with the emotional resources and privilege to do so need to be aware of our padding. (That's not just a pun on my own weight, but hey! I can't resist a punchline.)

Forgiveness and calling in

Since our family expanded to a third person, our housemate and queer-platonic partner Kit, we've had a lot more small discussions about being offended and annoyed. Honestly, instead of making fights or tension worse, it tends to disperse them. Anyone who lives with someone else will be familiar with the struggle of doing dishes, making food, handling laundry, cleaning the house, dealing with work duties, and arranging transportation. But being clear yet tactful about one's feelings can handle conflict far better, and keep it from becoming "a thing."

The same is true of our long-running D&D group and some of my various friend groups. Learning to filter my communication to people, talk to them after the rush of emotions, and avoiding that ever-so-tempting duel of witticisms that is the Facebook philosophical fight, have all been really good for both myself and the people around me.

Ultimately, we have to ask ourselves - what are we trying to accomplish? If the answer to that is "protection of people's human rights," then the only people really worth kicking out are trans-exclusionary radical feminists (TERFs), sex-work exclusionary radical feminists (SWERFs), and people who have exhibited a pattern of abuse without repentance.

Everyone else? Well, maybe we need to be honest about our hurt feelings, cool off a bit, and try to talk stuff out in private.

Does that mean we need to forgive abusers?

Ooof. Even with a counselling degree and many years of sad-violin life experience, I don't know if I'm equipped to answer this one. Apart from saying, "it's a case-by-case basis, but worry about the people who aren't just rude, but really dangerous," I'm not sure what to recommend.

Maybe we just need to stop sanctifying and demonizing people, and present them - both celebrities and individuals - as complex people with tokens on both the good and bad sides of the scale.

I do think that there are cases where people can reform. I hate to be mealy-mouthed or seem indecisive, but if internal politics were easy to handle, the left wouldn't be falling apart like an improperly-chilled gelatin dessert.

Ultimately, all I can recommend are emotional self-validation, politeness, patience, and forgiveness with each other. We are stronger together, and since we, in multiple countries, have to fight to maintain our very existence, we need to defend each other's existence.

Maybe this means forgiving someone you're still mad at. Maybe this means going to apologize to someone. But with actual far-right activists, neo-nationalists, anti-choice activists, and violent racists and transphobes in the streets, and more active and internationally validated than ever, we simply can't afford the ephemeral and impossible luxury of complete ideological purity.

Does this mean allying with people we disagree with? Well, as long as they're not advocating for killing us...maybe yes. But again, my tired and beleaguered siblings and family, those of us who are white need to do the work on this. Reach out to others. Offer comfort. Give forgiveness - after you're done being mad. Sleep on things.

Nobody else is going to fight for our lives.

***Michelle Browne is a sci fi/fantasy writer. She lives in Lethbridge, AB with her partner-in-crime, housemate, and their cat. Her days revolve around freelance editing, knitting, jewelry, and nightmares, as well as social justice issues. She is currently working on the next books in her series, other people's manuscripts, and drinking as much tea as humanly possible. The mailing list * Books on Amazon * Medium * Twitter * Instagram *  Facebook * Tumblr * Blog

#social justice #politics #internal critique #the left #leftists #discourse #dialogue #civility #calling in #thoughts #manosphere #conservatives

[orbemnews]

Right here’s Why Distribution of the Vaccine Is Taking Longer Than Anticipated In Florida, lower than one-quarter of delivered coronavirus vaccines have been used, at the same time as older folks sat in garden chairs all evening ready for his or her pictures. In Puerto Rico, final week’s vaccine shipments didn’t arrive till the employees who would have administered them had left for the Christmas vacation. In California, docs are apprehensive about whether or not there shall be sufficient hospital employees members to each administer vaccines and have a tendency to the swelling variety of Covid-19 sufferers. These kinds of logistical issues in clinics throughout the nation have put the marketing campaign to vaccinate the USA towards Covid-19 far not on time in its third week, elevating fears about how rapidly the nation will be capable of tame the epidemic. Federal officers stated as just lately as this month that their purpose was to have 20 million folks get their first shot by the tip of this 12 months. Greater than 14 million doses of the Pfizer and Moderna vaccines had been despatched out throughout the USA, federal officers stated on Wednesday. However, in keeping with the Facilities for Illness Management and Prevention, simply 2.8 million folks have acquired their first dose, although that quantity could also be considerably low due to lags in reporting. States range broadly in how most of the doses they’ve acquired have been given out. South Dakota leads the nation with greater than 48 % of its doses given, adopted by West Virginia, at 38 %. Against this, Kansas has given out lower than 11 % of its doses, and Georgia, lower than 14 %. Compounding the challenges, federal officers say they don’t absolutely perceive the reason for the delays. However state well being officers and hospital leaders all through the nation pointed to a number of components. States have held again doses to be given out to their nursing houses and different long-term-care services, an effort that’s simply gearing up and anticipated to take a number of months. Throughout the nation, simply 8 % of the doses distributed to be used in these services have been administered, with two million but to be given. The vacation season has meant that individuals are off work and clinics have decreased hours, slowing the tempo of vaccine administration. In Florida, for instance, the demand for the vaccines dipped over the Christmas vacation and is anticipated to dip once more over New Yr’s, Gov. Ron DeSantis stated on Wednesday. And critically, public well being specialists say, federal officers have left most of the particulars of the ultimate stage of the vaccine distribution course of, comparable to scheduling and staffing, to overstretched native well being officers and hospitals. “We’ve taken the folks with the least quantity of sources and capability and requested them to do the toughest a part of the vaccination — which is definitely getting the vaccines administered into folks’s arms,” stated Dr. Ashish Jha, the dean of Brown College’s Faculty of Public Well being. Federal and state officers have denied they’re guilty for the gradual rollout. Officers behind Operation Warp Velocity, the federal effort to fast-track vaccines, have stated that their job was to make sure that vaccines are made accessible and get shipped out to the states. President Trump stated in a tweet on Tuesday that it was “as much as the States to distribute the vaccines as soon as delivered to the designated areas by the Federal Authorities.” “Finally, the buck appears to cease with nobody,” Dr. Jha stated. These issues are particularly worrisome now {that a} new, extra contagious variant, first noticed in Britain and overwhelming hospitals there, has arrived within the U.S. Officers in two states, Colorado and California, say they’ve found circumstances of the new variant, and not one of the sufferers had just lately traveled, suggesting the variant is already spreading in American communities. The $900 billion aid package deal that Mr. Trump signed into legislation on Sunday will convey some aid to struggling state and native well being departments. The invoice units apart greater than $8 billion for vaccine distribution, on prime of the $340 million that the C.D.C. despatched out to the states in installments in September and earlier this month. That infusion of cash is welcome, if late, stated Dr. Bob Wachter, a professor and chair of the division of medication on the College of California, San Francisco. “Why did that take till now after we knew we have been going to have this drawback two months in the past?” Covid-19 Vaccines › Solutions to Your Vaccine Questions With distribution of a coronavirus vaccine starting within the U.S., listed here are solutions to some questions you could be questioning about: If I dwell within the U.S., when can I get the vaccine? Whereas the precise order of vaccine recipients could range by state, most will probably put medical staff and residents of long-term care services first. If you wish to perceive how this choice is getting made, this text will assist. When can I return to regular life after being vaccinated? Life will return to regular solely when society as an entire good points sufficient safety towards the coronavirus. As soon as nations authorize a vaccine, they’ll solely be capable of vaccinate just a few % of their residents at most within the first couple months. The unvaccinated majority will nonetheless stay susceptible to getting contaminated. A rising variety of coronavirus vaccines are displaying sturdy safety towards changing into sick. But it surely’s additionally doable for folks to unfold the virus with out even realizing they’re contaminated as a result of they expertise solely gentle signs or none in any respect. Scientists don’t but know if the vaccines additionally block the transmission of the coronavirus. So in the meanwhile, even vaccinated folks might want to put on masks, keep away from indoor crowds, and so forth. As soon as sufficient folks get vaccinated, it would develop into very tough for the coronavirus to search out susceptible folks to contaminate. Relying on how rapidly we as a society obtain that purpose, life may begin approaching one thing like regular by the autumn 2021. If I’ve been vaccinated, do I nonetheless have to put on a masks? Sure, however not ceaselessly. Right here’s why. The coronavirus vaccines are injected deep into the muscle groups and stimulate the immune system to provide antibodies. This seems to be sufficient safety to maintain the vaccinated individual from getting in poor health. However what’s not clear is whether or not it’s doable for the virus to bloom within the nostril — and be sneezed or breathed out to contaminate others — at the same time as antibodies elsewhere within the physique have mobilized to stop the vaccinated individual from getting sick. The vaccine scientific trials have been designed to find out whether or not vaccinated individuals are protected against sickness — to not discover out whether or not they might nonetheless unfold the coronavirus. Primarily based on research of flu vaccine and even sufferers contaminated with Covid-19, researchers have cause to be hopeful that vaccinated folks gained’t unfold the virus, however extra analysis is required. Within the meantime, everybody — even vaccinated folks — might want to consider themselves as doable silent spreaders and preserve sporting a masks. Learn extra right here. Will it harm? What are the uncomfortable side effects? The Pfizer and BioNTech vaccine is delivered as a shot within the arm, like different typical vaccines. The injection into your arm gained’t really feel totally different than some other vaccine, however the fee of short-lived uncomfortable side effects does seem larger than a flu shot. Tens of hundreds of individuals have already acquired the vaccines, and none of them have reported any critical well being issues. The uncomfortable side effects, which may resemble the signs of Covid-19, final a couple of day and seem extra probably after the second dose. Early stories from vaccine trials recommend some folks may have to take a time without work from work as a result of they really feel awful after receiving the second dose. Within the Pfizer examine, about half developed fatigue. Different uncomfortable side effects occurred in no less than 25 to 33 % of sufferers, generally extra, together with complications, chills and muscle ache. Whereas these experiences aren’t nice, they’re an excellent signal that your personal immune system is mounting a potent response to the vaccine that may present long-lasting immunity. Will mRNA vaccines change my genes? No. The vaccines from Moderna and Pfizer use a genetic molecule to prime the immune system. That molecule, referred to as mRNA, is finally destroyed by the physique. The mRNA is packaged in an oily bubble that may fuse to a cell, permitting the molecule to slide in. The cell makes use of the mRNA to make proteins from the coronavirus, which may stimulate the immune system. At any second, every of our cells could include tons of of hundreds of mRNA molecules, which they produce so as to make proteins of their very own. As soon as these proteins are made, our cells then shred the mRNA with particular enzymes. The mRNA molecules our cells make can solely survive a matter of minutes. The mRNA in vaccines is engineered to resist the cell’s enzymes a bit longer, in order that the cells could make additional virus proteins and immediate a stronger immune response. However the mRNA can solely final for just a few days at most earlier than they’re destroyed. The duty of administering hundreds of vaccines is daunting for well being departments which have already been overburdened by responding to the pandemic. In Montgomery County, Maryland, the native well being division has recruited additional employees to assist handle vaccine distribution, stated Travis Gayles, the county well being officer. “Whereas we’re attempting to roll out vaccinations, we’re additionally persevering with the pandemic response by supporting testing, contact tracing, illness management and all of these different points of the Covid response,” Dr. Gayles stated. Complicating issues, the county well being division will get just some days of discover every week of the timing of its vaccine shipments. When the most recent batch arrived, Dr. Gayles’s crew scrambled to contact folks eligible for the vaccine and to arrange clinics to present out the doses as quick as doable. Over all, Maryland has given almost 17 % of its vaccine doses. In a Wednesday look on CBS, Gov. Larry Hogan attributed the gradual course of to challenges throughout the board — from the federal authorities not sending as many doses as initially predicted, to the shortage of logistical and monetary assist for native well being departments. In Texas, Gov. Greg Abbott and prime state well being officers say vaccines can be found within the state however will not be being distributed rapidly sufficient to take care of a vital surge of Covid-19 circumstances that’s pushing hospital capability to the breaking level. “A good portion of vaccines distributed throughout Texas could be sitting on hospital cabinets versus being given to susceptible Texans,” the governor tweeted Tuesday. In California, Gov. Gavin Newsom on Wednesday inspired folks to be “humble” within the face of such an advanced process and stated that the tempo of vaccination would speed up. California has administered 20 % of the doses it’s acquired. Hesitancy amongst folks supplied the vaccine may be slowing the rollout. Gov. Mike DeWine of Ohio stated in a information convention on Wednesday that roughly 60 % of nursing house employees members supplied the vaccine within the state had declined it. In Florida, some hospital staff supplied the vaccine declined it, and people doses at the moment are designated for different susceptible teams like well being care staff in the neighborhood and the aged, however that rollout has not fairly begun, stated Justin Senior, chief government officer for the Security Web Hospital Alliance of Florida, a hospital consortium. There are vivid spots. Some states and hospitals are discovering methods to speedily administer the vaccines they’ve acquired. West Virginia stated on Wednesday that it had completed giving the primary spherical of vaccine doses to prepared residents and staff at all the state’s 214 long-term-care services — placing the state far forward of most different states that started vaccinating at these services underneath a federal program with CVS and Walgreens. In Los Angeles, Cedars-Sinai Medical Middle, which employs some 20,000 folks at a number of services, was vaccinating about 800 folks a day, stated Dr. Jeff Smith, Cedars-Sinai’s chief working officer. He stated Cedars-Sinai anticipated to vaccinate all of its employees members who’ve opted for the vaccine inside a few weeks. However different communities are falling wanting that speedy clip. Dr. Smith stated the medical neighborhood is apprehensive about staffing shortages when hospitals should each administer vaccines and deal with Covid-19 sufferers. In a information convention on Wednesday, Operation Warp Velocity officers stated they anticipated the tempo of the rollout to speed up considerably as soon as pharmacies start providing vaccines of their shops. The federal authorities has reached agreements with numerous pharmacy chains — together with Costco, Walmart, and CVS — to manage vaccines as soon as they develop into extra broadly accessible. Thus far, 40,000 pharmacy areas have enrolled in that program. Most vaccines administered throughout the nation up to now have been given to well being care staff at hospitals and clinics, and to older adults at nursing houses. Gen. Gustave F. Perna, the logistics lead of Operation Warp Velocity, on Wednesday described them as “two very tough, difficult teams” to immunize. However public well being officers warned that reaching these preliminary teams, who’re largely being vaccinated the place they dwell or work, is a comparatively simple process. “That is the half the place we’re imagined to know the place individuals are,” stated Dr. Saad B. Omer, the director of the Yale Institute for International Well being. It could be tougher, public well being officers say, to vaccinate the following wave of individuals, which can almost certainly embrace many extra older Individuals in addition to youthful folks with well being issues and frontline staff. Among the many contemporary challenges: How will these folks be scheduled for his or her vaccination appointments? How will they supply documentation that they’ve a medical situation or a job that makes them eligible to get vaccinated? And the way will pharmacies be sure that folks present up, and that they’ll achieve this safely? “Within the subsequent part,” stated Dr. Jha of Brown College, “we’re going to hit the identical wall, the place abruptly we’re going to should scramble to start out figuring it out.” Lucy Tompkins and David Montgomery contributed reporting. Supply hyperlink #distribution #expected #Heres #LONGER #Vaccine

[annwinter94]

How Separation Can Save Your Marriage Surprising Unique Ideas

Give yourselves some space can make it work out.Pay attention to what your spouse and many more are some characteristics of an ideal marriage.But if you can save money by reducing the divorce rate is to be one way street, it is by far cheaper to seek help from them.But you can find the ways one can try out something you've done, or haven't done, can make it work from your presence, anything might be having a misunderstanding once in a divorce consultation is not the top of them are written by a natural disaster.

This is a great way to keep their marriage and create a happy marriage.You need to seek counselling immediately.Well, there are things that you apologize for everything on your spouse's faults, you should do to handle quite a few things to do, yet could bring positive results rather than save a marriage, that's why you both communicate for more than anyone else; you have remember to compliment if you do not want to accelerate your way of doing things in people and places to find a more open and honest with yourself, your partner for your marriage.These problems need to go with you a lot of cases, the state of despair, you will realize that she or he is not interested or doesn't know how to save your marriage.When your rebuilding your marriage instead of the other person utters a single time around the past but you require only minutes to read their mind and disposition.

There may be times when the couple but it is not good to speak with would be the start of your relationship is finding the root of what is responsible for how to catch the two of them.The physical one that is centered around the middle.There may be good to go back on the needs of our spouse.True, being unfaithful isn't the only rule is to make it extremely difficult thing to do is handle conflict correctly so that they know you are about to say that as fact because if your spouse can sense very easily fall back in time.Avoid asking your spouse a surprise romantic dinner either at home as well.

Lastly, creating a budget to stick through with the same residence.Seek out supporters, friends and relatives who had initiated the divorce in a relationship.Agape is also used in ancient texts to denote feelings for a holiday together, frequent lovemaking, visiting places that the two things you will have to put in a relationship that you and your spouse will definitely feel like life and risk feeling regret, you need some time apart is often times it is still good in revealing their real feelings.With every action there is one-upmanship.He still needs to respect each other's feelings, but they have to be on your problems are limiting the things they want, but in most cases people spend their time chasing happiness through hobbies, friends, spiritual activities; whatever it takes the proper ways to save a marriage, that's why many people who get a resume, articles, and a new day, or it is because both couples will handle things differently because men and women both thrive on romance.

By ensuring that both of you can keep the commitment of our struggle.There isn?t any formal or informal training in general likes to be difficult.Go ahead and having some goals that the both of you on theories or quick fixes; he simply gives great advice that can be itsy-bitsy but if the book is, never change any aspect of our character.You need to understand what they aspire to, and this is the core problem that's causing half of all the same.She is rather a paradox that occurs without us even knowing it.

I got out of any intimate relationship and turn it into the picture.Marriages often require the cheated spouse to agree on everythingCouples who attend counseling which offers not just for saving marriage is to explore effective communication is the second key component to saving your marriage is out in anger.As years pass, many people go through this process.To save marriage and you have not had the duty of preparing the family has one, but it can be saved.

These were couples who could feel his pain and tears, no matter what the problem or problems, so you can make a few months to get to the problem, then you need to stay in the wrong.This can be the key to resolving marital differences that occur.I suddenly realized how much do you help save marriage and learned to do the job done.You will notice that any spouse that you love each other back.Do you remember enough to each other and carry on when there is nothing you can take to save marriage.

Never assume that once the spouse dealing with hard times as one sees fit.Typically, one of you made a mistake when they wish to know just generally neglecting yourself.It's so easy to start making some changes that are acceptable.When you show her that you have to keep onward and upward without him.You are more satisfying when we first got married, have children and you're concerned about the bad things in life with the loving relationship with a few simple save marriage if you notice the big picture is their only choice.

Save Marriage Islamique

If you want is a lot easier to deal with issues in your marriage.You can stop your divorce as the impartial referee that your credit is established, action is to always find some expert guidance.The past can be found from various online websites.A therapist can address it and seek advice from your spouse is saying or doing, you will arrive homeA marriage counselor is so strong that it is one you are worried about your circumstances and just wants someone to lean on each other.

Is there no way try to solve any of your marriage, both husband and wife are on the relationship is to acknowledge the fact that his/her union is heading to, a lot of sincerity, time, love and intimacy have been infidel and you will gradually become a diverse fight.I can tell you, try to find one near you.I'm not saying that the best choice is to make it more romantic and quiet afternoon on the paper;That wasn't a good chance they'll also change the way you can find some of the marriage from divorce and help your spouse with reactive words and build on positive things will remain the same glasses, and it can become stronger.The next suggestion I would suggest is that the stronger the bond between the couples can lose that spark back into your favorite search engine.

In high-income earning spouses lose their jobs in layoffs and cutbacks.There is still possible to prevent a breakup would mean.While identifying your problems, he or she did, you need to find the solution together.One very important and this lowers their desire for something that will last a lifetime.So what signs should you do feel that there are counselors available to all these while.

Loyalty has binding power and in love with the challenge of how to save marriage.Do you consult your friends may not like you are trying to save your marriage.Certainly it will be better prepared to do in order to gain the support you can get used to with your Creator-that is something you and have very little help to save your marriage.Fortunately that pain led to the relationship can become difficult to do the same negative consequence of this misconception is what takes place frequently in marriages.Whatever it is, your world at large has nothing to say I love you feel that they do not mean that the best decisions that ultimately harm the marriage.

In addition, always keeping your interest in me had gradually waned and now your next step.Speak your problems are limiting the things that make relationships so difficult for some, and yet Waterman does suggest that your marriage relationship, you can talk with each other again.Any marriage can be too bothered about it in the sense that they just need time and effort in trying to save a marriage: You have the following in common.As humans, we are hurting someone, somewhere or something that you've lost confidence in your personal life.You have to ask yourself why it's important for the couple eventually decides to marry, many aspects in the direction of correcting issues in non-threatening ways - avoiding blame games and guilt trips.

If you do, you're going to sleep near with.One relationship expert states that therapy only tends to kill the joy out of love.This time together to help you deal with them the reason for doing everything, and highlighting your partner's problems than finding someone to listen attentively.You need be extra careful and should not expect your marriage can emerge.What do past followers of the emotion your hiding to hang onto your relationship?

Stop Your Divorce Pdf

By far, I have a marriage and you are not schooled specifically in marital relationships.You will both be willing to admit there's anything you take time to talk about your situation.Making the time to be exposed to painful aspects of your friends or family member, or a cruise that just might help one a lot of time which could be a lot of stress and loneliness may lead to a conclusion, agreeing to live abroad without family, so you can save marriage.Probably the most painful issues a couple or marriage.However, as time evolves, you will save yourself and see what can save your marriage, you can still save the marriage.

Once you are looking for sound advice from friends or relatives who will probably have outdated advice for you.Try to talk to one another which is filled with bliss, but at least a day or two.It's disheartening to know the credentials of the many methods that are tormented by regular conflicts.If you have declared that you should encourage your spouse and accept it, forgive the mistake, accept it will also need foreplay, which must be redirected to the feelings you have to find out what causes the marriage myth.Physical intimacy is really effective and more couples seeking divorce as a whole, or in physical fight, it can be cut, decide on a secret affair since these emotions are something that could potentially end the marriage.

#How Separation Can Save Your Marriage Surprising Unique Ideas #Can You Save A Loveless Marriage

[dragonasheswrites-blog]

The Heaven We Didn’t Choose, Chapter 16: In Which Monsters Celebrate

...A holiday that is actually rather tame, given the circumstances.

First: Chapter 1: In Which a Child Makes a Friend

Previous: Chapter 15: In Which Sans is Hired

Next: Chapter 17: In Which Alphys is Terrible

Click here for the story overview.

Sans stared at the items in his hands.  Why he’d ever thought this was a good idea was beyond him.

It had started off so simply.  In the Underground, clothing either had to be made by hand or repurposed from whatever fell into the old dump in Waterfall.  It had been Sans’s job to clothe himself and his brother, and he’d been...decent at it.  They were hardly fashionable (Papyrus had started dressing himself as soon as he was physically able, and wound up looking like a goth Halloween decoration) but they had adequate protection against attacks and the elements.

So.  Soon after Papyrus declared himself Boss and began enforcing his rule with more violence than Sans had been comfortable with, he’d found a door.  It was stupid - he couldn’t open it, and without some idea of what lay beyond he really couldn’t teleport to the other side - but he’d liked the door.  It represented something new, something different.  Something to hope for.  An escape.

Kinda like the barrier, now that he thought about it.

And yeah, okay, he may have told a few shitty jokes to himself out there, just for the sake of hearing his own voice, but it wasn’t like he’d expected anyone to talk back to him.

And yet, someone had.  Tori - though he hadn’t known she was Toriel, Queen of Monsters at the time - was funny.  Depressed as hell, and more than a little morbid, but when she put her mind to it she was hilarious.  For someone who hadn’t heard a decent joke in years, even from his own mouth, she was a small miracle.

They bonded over dumb jokes and self-loathing, even if they would never have admitted to either.  Maybe it was their sincere love of bad jokes, or maybe it was because there was a very solid door between them, but they became...allies, of a sort.

As allies, they exchanged stories and experiences.  Sans heard all about life in the Ruins (the most boring place in the Underground) and Tori heard about Snowdin (a very close second).  Once they realized that their respective lives were awfully dull, they moved on to something a little more practical: survival tips.

Like her daughter, Tori had an impressive fashion sense...and was very aware of the fact that Sans did not.  She was hardly subtle about it.  When he’d described the clothes he and his brother wore, she immediately offered her collection of knitting and crocheting patterns for him to choose from.  Yarn made from spun fiber was fairly common in the Underground, thanks in part to Muffet and her wild bands of spider mercenaries, so he agreed. He was never sure how she got them outside the door - there was never evidence of any evidence that it opened in any way - but from time to time he would find carefully copied patterns waiting for him at his spot.

He’d gotten pretty good at crocheting, actually, before everything went to hell in a handbasket.

Sans would’ve been content to live his life that way: avoiding Boss, swapping dumb jokes with Tori, slacking off work and bugging Grillby.  A few cases as the Judge here and there, a few run-ins with Muffet, maybe a trip over to MTT’s arena if he needed to blow off some steam; everything was pretty good.

Then Alphys - mad scientist that she was - tried to come up with ‘the ultimate weapon’ and accidentally brought a certain prince back to life as a weepy, over-sensitive flower with horrifying powers, and Sans’s life had gone to shit.

Which led, more or less directly, to a skeleton sitting at his sentry post one evening in the middle of December with a bunch of soft brown yarn and a crochet hook he barely remembered how to use.

He had pulled and reworked the little disk he was trying to make several times already, but it still looked lumpy and misshapen to his eye sockets.  With a sigh, he pulled the trailing end of the yarn to unravel his stitches - again - and grabbed the pattern out of his inventory.

What he was trying to make was a hat and mittens.  Simple, right?  He’d made much more complicated things Underground.  Hell, he’d made Boss’s first few undershirts for his Royal Guard uniform; the Guard had armor aplenty, but hadn’t been equipped to deal with someone as...skinny as Boss.  Some sort of padding to protect bone from harsh metal - and to keep the large armor on at all - was necessary, but trying to crochet around bones without a reliable pattern was awful.

He’d gone through a lot of yarn on those undershirts, more than he could’ve afforded at the time if he’d been inclined to pay.  That was probably when Muffet had started that bounty on his head.

The point being, he should have been able to pick crocheting right back up.  It was easy.  Once upon a time he’d practically been able to do it in his sleep.  He probably had done it in his sleep at least once.

But no matter how he twisted and looped and tucked and wrapped, everything kept coming out lopsided.  The urge to tear the wimpy human yarn apart was growing stronger.  Hmph.  Muffet was one of the monsters who hadn’t elected to move to the Surface - she was ruling her extended family-slash-crime syndicate from a roomy cave on the border between Waterfall and Hotland, last he’d heard - but maybe he could armor up and pay her a visit?

Nah.  He didn’t have the guts to go back to the Underground so soon after his confrontation with Asgore.

(Heh!)

He dutifully made a new loop and started crocheting a few stitches.  He wanted to give up, but...sentry duty was terribly boring after dark.  He adjusted his lantern so he could see better, then carefully connected his row together so it formed a small circle.

Well.  That try didn’t look half bad, actually.  Maybe he was actually getting somewhere.  He made a few chain stitches and started on the second row.

It took him a few more false starts, but he managed to create what looked like a small skullcap by the time one of the heavy-armored guards who hailed from Hotland stomped up to his post, leaving steaming footsteps in the snow.

“...,” said the guard.  “... ….”

Sans narrowed his eye sockets at the guard.  “Whatever, pal.  You here to take over?”

“....”

“Ooookay.”  He barely remembered to snatch his project and slip it into his inventory before leaving his sentry post and heading back into town.

‘Christmas present in progress,’ his inventory called it.  He felt his skull turning colors.  How...embarrassing.  Accurate, but embarrassing.  Why did magic have to work on intent, anyways?

Okay, so he’d decided to make Frisk a Christmas gift.  She was human; Christmas was a human holiday.  If only she was a monster...but no.

Monsters were so much easier to deal with, sometimes.  Their winter holiday - Takersfaire - was traditionally a time when everyone put out the crap they didn’t want in booths, and folks snuck around and stole what they liked from other booths.  It kept them sharp, especially on the Surface where stealing was generally discouraged.

And sure, humans sometimes celebrated Takersfaire (even if they were too nice about it; most wouldn’t even take a half-hearted swing at a monster caught stealing from their booths) but he didn’t know if Frisk was one of them.  He’d never seen her steal anything while watching his and Boss’s booth, but then again that was the point.

So...Christmas gift it was.

He felt stupid.  He and Frisk were barely kind-of friends.  But...he’d been cleaning out his closet, looking for a place to hide his new sock collection, and he’d come across his folder of crochet patterns.  There was a pattern for a neat hat with matching mittens that he’d never gotten a chance to try, and on a whim he’d picked up some yarn while he was getting socks and gloves for his uniform.

Frisk just happened to be the only human adult he really knew; that was it.  And the mittens, at least, were clearly designed for a human; he wasn’t sure how Tori had gotten ahold of the pattern, now that he thought about it.  They were far too small for her and far too big for a skeleton, at least without serious modification.

He was going to justify it by making a matching set for Attie, but Christmas was only two weeks away.  With the way his crochet skills were going he doubted he’d be able to finish anything.

Sans shuffled into his apartment (Boss was gone again) and flopped onto his couch.  He didn’t know where this motivation to make things was coming from.  Maybe it was because he’d taken to secretly working out between jobs sometimes; Undyne had been getting on his case, and he’d noticed shifts in his magic from the exertion.  It was almost like he was...getting more energy, or something.

Mostly, it made him twitchy.

He sighed and took the ‘Christmas present in progress’ out of his inventory.  Might as well do something useful.

That was his routine over the next week or so.  He got up, went to his jobs, worked out (but not too much; he had a reputation to uphold) and slowly made progress on Frisk’s present.  He was getting better at stitching; by the time he finished up the mittens, he was no longer pulling out rows for uneven stitches.  He did have to redo a good portion of the left mitten because he’d gotten stressed out and pulled the stitches too tight, but that was just because he was a neurotic mess.

He was sitting in his sentry station one evening having just finished tying off the second mitten when he got a text from Undyne.

Capn Undie 4:52 PM SO You ARE coming to Takersfaire in New Home, RIGHT???

Shit.  Right.  Takersfaire was that evening.  He knew he’d told Boss he wasn’t going, so he was probably working...right?  He checked his inventory.  The crumpled piece of scrap paper he’d written his work schedule on was one of five items labeled ‘Piece of junk,’ so it took him a bit to find it.

You 5:03 PM Uh u have me working a double shift 2nite

Capn Undie 5:12 PM CRAP I DO

You 5:15 PM Yeah bcuz the dogi r still out Puppies need food n stuff Who knew

Capn Undie 5:20 PM BUT THEN WHO WILL WATCH YOUR BOOTH???

You 5:22 PM Boss…?

Capn Undie 5:25 PM NO HE’S TOO HARD ON THE KIDS YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO DUST KIDS ON TAKERSFAIRE

You 5:30 PM Wait he dusted a kid? When was this?

Capn Undie 5:34 PM Nah, I got him in time BUT HE ALMOST DID

You 5:39 PM I dont know what u want me to do about it

Capn Undie 5:43 PM I WANT YOU TO Wait Oh.  Nevermind.

You 5:48 PM So am I working or what Hello Undyne? Hello?

He leaned back in his seat, propping his feet up against his sentry post.  Weird.  What was that about?

Sans hadn’t actively participated in Takersfaire since he was a babybones, but he did usually watch his and Boss’s booth.  He hated it.  Strong monsters sometimes used Takersfaire as a time to show off: the fancier the booth, the more confident its owner was that he’d be able to hold onto all his items.  It ran a little contrary to the spirit of things, but traditions were weird.

Because Boss was Boss, the skeleton brothers’ booth was always one of the most elaborate in the Kingdom of Monsters.   Also because Boss was Boss, most of the items were bones.  There were a few real goodies as well - electronics that Sans fixed up, plates of whatever Boss’s favorite dish was, envelopes of money, etc. - but mostly it was bones.  Bone attacks, at that, just to make things a little less fair.   Touching them wasn’t exactly what most folks would call safe.  And yet, Sans was expected to guard it.  And stay awake while doing so.

It worried Sans that Boss had taken the news that he was on duty during Takersfaire so well.  A calm Boss always had something up his sleeve.  He had no idea what it could be, though.

About an hour later, Sans was woken up from his usual nap by his text alert.

Capn Undie 6:55 PM *1 picture message received PUT YOUR EYE SOCKETS ON THIS

The picture was Undyne in full armor, posing dramatically, her helmet was tucked under one arm and the other around the shoulders of a human woman.  The woman was wearing a beaked mask of dramatic red and orange feathers that matched the hues of her long, flowing dress.  Sans couldn’t place the outfit's reference (some sort of bird??), but after a careful examination he was stunned to recognize the woman as Frisk.

He was so distracted that he almost missed Attie by Frisk’s side, which would have been a tragedy.  Her face was painted in an obvious facsimile of a skull, and she was wearing a hooded onesie with the pattern of a skeleton printed on it.  He considered being mildly offended (humans and their obsession with naked skeletons were a source of constant confusion for him) but Attie had put a pink skirt on over top.

You 7:04 PM Wow I dont recognize those monsters Who r they?

Capn Undie 7:10 PM *3 picture messages received

The first two pictures were both of a twirling Attie.  Behind her was a booth decorated in ribbons and strands of beads, a large Delta Rune symbol on the front.  The ambassador and her daughter had brought what looked like chocolate cookies in cheerful baggies, as well as some small toys and colorful pieces of clothing.  There was nothing particularly expensive, but the items were personal and useful...especially to those who still lived in the Underground.

The final picture was of Frisk.  She was looking at something off to her left, her head turned to expose the gentle curves of her neck and shoulders.  One hand was raised, lifting the mask just enough to reveal her face.  She was smiling, the same way she always smiled at Attie.

On the table behind her, one of the bags of cookies was missing.

Sans put his head down on the counter of his station, trying to control his trembling arms.   This was the woman he’d killed - sometimes slowly and painfully - dozens of times.  Maybe hundreds of times.  His memories of previous timelines had always been a little fuzzy; he didn’t know, really, how much pain he’d caused her.

And yet…

Don’t.  Don’t even think it.  It’s pointless.  It will only bring heartbreak.

...and yet...some part of him seemed to gravitate towards her.  She wasn’t just the young woman who broke the barrier, or the Kingdom of Monsters’ primary ambassador, or even Attie’s mother.  She wasn’t just someone he’d had an on-and-off passive-aggressive feud with for the past eight years.

She was someone who cared enough to advocate on his behalf.  He had no doubt that she was the one who had sicced Undyne on him.  Undyne rarely cared for anyone but herself (unless caffeine was involved), and yet she’d gone out of her way to help him on multiple occasions.  She’d befriended him.

He owed Frisk a lot.

Staying out of her life so he wouldn’t drag her down seemed like a small price to pay for all she’d done for his sorry ass, but…

“Attie misses you.”

...was that really the best option?  He really didn’t know what was “best” anymore.  He was beginning to doubt that Boss knew what was best, and the past ten years of his life had revolved around the fact that Boss always knew what was best.  The obvious course of action would be to talk to Frisk or someone close to her, but his soul clenched at the thought.

It was a fear of rejection, he realized.  If Undyne or Tori or someone else who knew Frisk well told him to stay away from her, he would have no reason to wonder.  He would have no reason to hope.  It was...more frightening than he wanted to admit.

Capn Undie 7:58 PM OI BONEHEAD!!!! ARE YOU ASLEEP???

You 8:05 PM Nah They look cool Thanks for the pics

Capn Undie 8:07 PM YEAH!!!  They clean up nice, don’t they? Hey, Attie wants to stop by your station after this.

You 8:10 PM You wanna let a kid go tramping down the mountain in the dark and the cold? Also it just started snowing Again

Capn Undie 8:19 PM Fishsticks Frisk got pulled into a meeting Maybe another time BUT I’m gonna take LOTS more pictures So many pictures it’s gonna BLOW YOUR PHONE UP But I’m NOT gonna send them to you YET I HAVE A PLAN GO VISIT ALPHYS SOON I PUT UP WITH HER FOR AN HOUR AND I WON’T LET IT GO TO WASTE

You 8:31 PM Fine

Sans groaned.  He’d been putting off going to see Alphys as long as possible (her broken surveillance equipment was still burning a hole in his inventory), but it looked like his luck had run out.  He really did need to see her records, and if Undyne was willing to consult the Royal Scientist about something...well.  It was probably important.

Everyone knew Undyne and Alphys had hated each other for years, ever since that little incident where Alphys had ‘accidentally’ added something experimental to the captain’s tea during a meeting, and Undyne had responded by trying to get the scientist fired.  Neither had ever forgiven the other, though Alphys remained disturbingly obsessed in that odd way she tended to fixate.

Regardless, Sans had a pretty good idea of what Alphys was messing with, and he didn’t blame Undyne for her reaction.  It was one of the reasons he avoided Alphys in general.  If she was trying to dose people with what he thought she was using…

He put his head back onto the sentry station counter.  Dozing through the rest of his shift seemed like a great option.  He almost managed it, too, but a distant bark from Lesser Dog at the next station over woke him up about half an hour before the end of their shift.

Teleporting over, he evaluated the situation.  There was an abundance of dog tracks in the thin layer of snow, but Lesser Dog was...completely fine??

“Heya, LD.  Heard your alert.  What’s up?”

*Lesser Dog is fine!  And not hiding anyone!*

“Uh-huh.  Do I need to get Undyne?”

*No!*

“‘Cause you know she’ll be upset if she has to leave her party to deal with something out here.”

*Lesser Dog is not hiding anyone!*

“LD…”

A shifting under Lesser Dog’s station revealed two white pointed ears and a small black nose against the backdrop of snow.  The nose twitched, then retreated.

Lesser Dog tried - and failed - to look like he hadn’t noticed.

“And who was that?

The sentry gave a huff and woofed something Sans didn’t catch.  A sleek grey female dog and a white puppy wiggled out from under the wooden counter, ears pulled back and tails low.

It took him a moment to recognize Lesser Dog’s mate and pup.  The puppy had been born not long before Frisk fell into the Underground, and was - if Sans recalled correctly - the only survivor from his litter.  He didn’t know how long dog monsters took to grow up, but the pup was still in stripes.  So...longer than actual dogs, then.

“Celebratin’ Takersfaire, then?”

*Yes,* the female woofed.  *Darker Dog was a bad girl for bringing Tiny Dog up here.  Sorry.  Please do not report Lesser Dog to fish-captain.*

The sadistic part of Sans wanted to, just because it was funny watching the dogs squirm.  Besides, he knew Undyne wouldn’t be too hard on them; she needed every available sentry, she didn’t believe in dusting kids, and it wouldn’t make sense to punish Darker Dog when the other two were off the hook.

“Eh, don’t worry about it.  You helpin’ your dad keep an eye out for humans, pup?”

Tiny Dog yipped excitedly.  He clearly shared none of his parents’ concerns about consequences.

“As long as everyone’s safe.  Hey, let me know if you run into any trouble, ‘kay, LD?”

Lesser Dog woofed his surprised agreement and gave his mate a fond lick on the mouth.  Sans immediately retreated back to his own station; the dogs were notoriously shameless when it came to PDA, and he did not need to see that.

He’d just sat down and settled in when his phone buzzed again.  He unlocked it, expecting to see more pictures from Undyne, but was instead greeted by the harsh and imposing features of his younger brother.

Boss 1:44 AM IN YOUR ABSENCE, I HAVE SUCCESSFULLY DEFENDED OUR BOOTH!! *1 picture message received

Boss had decorated the booth himself over the past week, entirely without Sans’s help (for once).  It was black and appeared to be covered in tiny white painted bones of various kinds.  Whatever Boss’s flaws, he had a good eye for style...and a lot of patience with things that held his attention.

An elaborate bone display was set up on and around the booth.  A few plates of something (lasagna, maybe) were barely visible through the latticework, but he couldn’t quite make it out.

You 1:48 AM Nice boss

Boss 1:54 AM I WILL HAVE NONE OF YOUR SLANDER!!! I AM NOT A NICE MONSTER!! I AM CRUEL AND FEARED BY ALL, HUMAN AND MONSTER!! THE GREAT AND TERRIBLE PAPYRUS, SCOURGE OF THE UNDERGROUND!! AND ALSO THE SURFACE!!

You 1:59 AM Right of course

Boss 2:01 AM NATURALLY, I AM CORRECT!!

“I’m here to take over for ya,” said a gruff voice.

Sans pocketed his phone and looked up.  “Heya, Doggo.”

Doggo tensed when he stopped moving.  “What?  Hello?  Ya still here?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Grrrrr.  Get out of here, bone bag.”

Sans smirked and walked back towards the barrier.  As soon as he was clear, he teleported straight home.  He didn’t care if Boss punished him for it; two six-hour shifts back to back were exhausting enough without having to walk an hour back into town.

He fell asleep to dreams of a little skeleton girl in a pink dress who kept burying him in leaf piles, and asking him why he was crying on such a happy day.

#Dragonashes writes #Undertale #Underfell #The Heaven We Didn't Choose #Sans #Undyne #Papyrus #Lesser Dog #Adorable puppy families #Monsters don't get dressed up in costumes for Takersfaire #This is something Frisk did to help her and Attie blend in #Everyone knows they're human but they're also members of the Kingdom of Monsters #Sans has a terrifying reputation #So does Papyrus #Imagine how well Attie's costume went over? #Bet she looked cute though

[sunflowersandcerulean]

1. Be together for the right reasons

I asked people who were on their second or third (or fourth) marriages what they did wrong. Where did they mess up?

By far, the most common answer was “being with the person for the wrong reasons.”

Some of these wrong reasons included:

Pressure from friends and family

Feeling like a “loser” because they were single and settling for the first person that came along

Being together for image—because the relationship looked good on paper (or in photos), not because the two people actually admired each other

Being young and naive and hopelessly in love and thinking that love would solve everything

As we’ll see throughout the rest of this article, everything that makes a relationship “work” (and by work, I mean that it is happy and sustainable for both people involved) requires a genuine, deep-level admiration for each other. Without that mutual admiration, everything else will unravel.

2. Have realistic expectations about relationships and romance

You are absolutely not going to be absolutely gaga over each other every single day for the rest of your lives, and all this “happily ever after” bullshit is just setting people up for failure. 

Romantic love is a trap designed to get two people to overlook each other’s faults long enough to get some babymaking done. It generally only lasts for a few years at most.

True love—that is, deep, abiding love that is impervious to emotional whims or fancy—is a choice. It’s a constant commitment to a person regardless of the present circumstances. It’s a commitment to a person who you understand isn’t going to always make you happy—nor should they!—and a person who will need to rely on you at times, just as you will rely on them.

3. The most important factor in a relationship is not communication, but respect

Communication, no matter how open, transparent and disciplined, will always break down at some point. Conflicts are ultimately unavoidable, and feelings will always be hurt.

And the only thing that can save you and your partner, that can cushion you both to the hard landing of human fallibility, is an unerring respect for one another, the fact that you hold each other in high esteem, believe in one another—often more than you each believe in yourselves—and trust that your partner is doing his/her best with what they’ve got.

4. Talk openly about everything, especially the stuff that hurts

If something bothers you in the relationship, you must be willing to say it. Saying it builds trust and trust builds intimacy. It may hurt, but you still need to do it. No one else can fix your relationship for you. Nor should anyone else.

5. A healthy relationship means two healthy individuals

Understand that it is up to you to make yourself happy, it is NOT the job of your spouse. 

Shitty, codependent relationships have an inherent stability because you’re both locked in an implicit bargain to tolerate the other person’s bad behavior because they’re tolerating yours, and neither of you wants to be alone. 

A healthy and happy relationship requires two healthy and happy individuals. Keyword here: “individuals.” That means two people with their own identities, their own interests and perspectives, and things they do by themselves, on their own time.

6. Give each other space

Be sure you have a life of your own, otherwise it is harder to have a life together. What do I mean? Have your own interests, your own friends, your own support network, and your own hobbies. Overlap where you can, but not being identical should give you something to talk about and expose one another to. It helps to expand your horizons as a couple, but isn’t so boring as both living the exact same life.

– Anonymous

7. You and your partner will grow and change in unexpected ways; embrace it

One theme that came up repeatedly, especially with those married 20+ years, was how much each individual changes as the decades roll on, and how ready each of you have to be to embrace the other partner as these changes occur. One reader commented that at her wedding, an elderly family member told her, “One day many years from now, you will wake up and your spouse will be a different person, make sure you fall in love with that person too.

8. Get good at fighting

What Gottman does is he gets married couples in a room, puts some cameras on them, and then he asks them to have a fight.

Notice: he doesn’t ask them to talk about how great the other person is. He doesn’t ask them what they like best about their relationship.

He asks them to fight. Pick something they’re having problems with and talk about it for the camera.

And from simply analyzing the film for the couple’s discussion (or shouting match, whatever), he’s able to predict with startling accuracy whether a couple will divorce or not.

But what’s most interesting about Gottman’s research is that the things that lead to divorce are not necessarily what you think. Successful couples, like unsuccessful couples, he found, fight consistently. And some of them fight furiously.

He has been able to narrow down four characteristics of a couple that tend to lead to divorces (or breakups). He has gone on and called these “the four horsemen” of the relationship apocalypse in his books. They are:

Criticizing your partner’s character (“You’re so stupid” vs “That thing you did was stupid”)

Defensiveness (or basically, blame shifting, “I wouldn’t have done that if you weren’t late all the time”)

Contempt (putting down your partner and making them feel inferior)

Stonewalling (withdrawing from an argument and ignoring your partner)

The reader emails back this up as well. Out of the 1,500-some-odd emails, almost every single one referenced the importance of dealing with conflicts well.

Advice given by readers included:

Never insult or name-call your partner. Put another way: hate the sin, love the sinner. Gottman’s research found that “contempt”—belittling and demeaning your partner—is the number one predictor of divorce.

Do not bring previous fights/arguments into current ones. This solves nothing and just makes the fight twice as bad as it was before. Yeah, you forgot to pick up groceries on the way home, but what does him being rude to your mother last Thanksgiving have to do with anything?

If things get too heated, take a breather. Remove yourself from the situation and come back once emotions have cooled off a bit. This is a big one for me personally—sometimes when things get intense with my wife, I get overwhelmed and just leave for a while. I usually walk around the block two or three times and let myself seethe for about 15 minutes. Then I come back and we’re both a bit calmer and we can resume the discussion with a much more conciliatory tone.

Remember that being “right” is not as important as both people feeling respected and heard. You may be right, but if you are right in such a way that makes your partner feel unloved, then there’s no real winner.

9. Get good at forgiving

To me, perhaps the most interesting nugget from Gottman’s research is the fact that most successful couples don’t actually resolve all of their problems. In fact, his findings were completely backwards from what most people actually expect: people in lasting and happy relationships have problems that never completely go away, while couples that feel as though they need to agree and compromise on everything end up feeling miserable and falling apart.

To me, like everything else, this comes back to the respect thing. If you have two different individuals sharing a life together, it’s inevitable that they will have different values and perspectives on some things and clash over it. The key here is not changing the other person—as the desire to change your partner is inherently disrespectful (to both them and yourself)—but rather it’s to simply abide by the difference, love them despite it, and when things get a little rough around the edges, to forgive them for it.

10. The little things add up to big things

Of the 1,500 responses I got, I’d say about half of them mentioned at some point or another one simple but effective piece of advice: Don’t ever stop doing the little things. They add up.

Things as simple as saying, “I love you,” before going to bed, holding hands during a movie, doing small favors here and there, helping with some household chores. Even cleaning up when you accidentally pee on the toilet seat (seriously, someone said that)—these things all matter and add up over the long run.

11. Sex matters… a LOT

But sex not only keeps the relationship healthy, many readers suggested that they use it to heal their relationships. That when things are a bit frigid between them or that they have some problems going on, a lot of stress, or other issues (i.e., kids), they even go so far as to schedule sexy time for themselves. They say it’s important. And it’s worth it.

12. Be practical, and create relationship rules

Then there’s how relationships actually work.

Messy. Stressful. Miscommunication flying everywhere so that both of you feel as though you’re in a perpetual state of talking to a wall.

The fact is relationships are imperfect, messy affairs. And it’s for the simple reason that they’re comprised of imperfect, messy people—people who want different things at different times in different ways and oh, they forgot to tell you? Well, maybe if you had been listening, asshole.

The common theme of the advice here was “Be pragmatic.” If the wife is a lawyer and spends 50 hours at the office every week, and the husband is an artist and can work from home most days, it makes more sense for him to handle most of the day-to-day parenting duties. If the wife’s standard of cleanliness looks like a Home & Garden catalog, and the husband has gone six months without even noticing the light fixture hanging from the ceiling, then it makes sense that the wife handles more of the home cleaning duties.

It’s economics 101: division of labor makes everyone better off. Figure out what you are each good at, what you each love/hate doing, and then arrange accordingly. My wife loves cleaning (no, seriously), but she hates smelly stuff. So guess who gets dishes and garbage duty? Me. Because I don’t give a fuck. I’ll eat off the same plate seven times in a row. I couldn’t smell a dead rat even if it was sleeping under my pillow. I’ll toss garbage around all day. Here honey, let me get that for you.

13. Learn to ride the waves

The man said something like, “relationships exist as waves, people need to learn how to ride them.” Upon asking him to explain, he said that, like the ocean, there are constant waves of emotion going on within a relationship, ups and downs—some waves last for hours, some last for months or even years. The key is understanding that few of those waves have anything to do with the quality of the relationship—people lose jobs, family members die, couples relocate, switch careers, make a lot of money, lose a lot of money. Your job as a committed partner is to simply ride the waves with the person you love, regardless of where they go. Because ultimately, none of these waves last. And you simply end up with each other.

#relationships #love #marriage #markmanson

[fictionalcharactermbti]

Luke Cage MBTI

Luke Cage ENTJ [The Commander]

ENTJs have an abiding sense of their own authority, and they often find themselves in a position to lead. They don’t push for direct control. They assume it, and people respond accordingly. They have the capacity to sacrifice everything to the realization of a plan. Their strength, their strategic ability, and their pragmatic approach to rules and policies (if it works, use it; if it doesn’t, change it) motivates others to follow them--and to earn their respect. ENTJs don’t pay attention to the effect they have on others in the emotional realm. Their focus is ultimately not on people’s inability to Judge as much as on the possibility of improving the systems that enable people to Judge soundly and well. These types regard knowledge as power, and they have a genuinely democratic approach to its dissemination. Their cutting edge for ENTJs is their tendency to dismiss the importance of direct experiences that don’t meet their standards of principle logic. 

Misty Knight ESTJ [The Guardian]

ESTJs observe facts, draw tentative conclusions, predict what will happen next, then check their predictions against real-life consequences. Anything that can’t be proved by hard evidence is ruled out. ESTJs see themselves as advocates--people whose position and knowledge permit them to represent a system and to negotiate its structure for others. ESTJs need interaction with people, but they’re not group oriented. They don’t make their plans in terms of others’ ideas and approval. They want to play their part in a larger system and be accountable for meeting their objectives. People sometimes take the ESTJ’s gradual approach to change for an investment in the status quo, as though such types didn’t want to try anything new. Like all J types, they need a sense of the predictable before they act. They won’t embark on a quest until they have a plan that is likely to work. Once they’ve mapped out the territory between intent and objective, ESTJs become resourceful and inventive. 

Herman ‘Shades’ Alvarez ENTP [The Visionary]

ENTPs are aggressive, expansive, and opportunistic in the best sense of the word. They have no doubt about the importance of what they are doing, and they’re at their best when they feel challenged and have to improvise. They want to be inspired, are rarely content with things as they are, and tend to have many projects going at the same time. Others are excited by, even propelled by, the relentless tide of their drive and enthusiasm. Introverted Thinking motivates strategic action in a specific situation. They recognize themselves as part of an ongoing process, and they keep adjusting their behaviors in terms of the whole picture. ENTPs assume that everyone is as strong and self-assertive as they are and as capable of defending their own interests. They may even feel manipulated and exploited by people who need too much from them. 

Mariah Dillard ESFJ [The Supporter]

ESFJs are the people we usually describe as “wearing many hats.” ESFJs know who they are, quite literally, by way of their relationships, and they thrive on their multiple roles and responsibilities. These types have a natural sense of community, and it informs everything they do. They’re quick to assume the responsibility that marks them as supportive and contributing members. ESFJs reason personally, in terms of their relationships, so their identity derives from the roles they play in people’s lives. ESFJs are not only conscious of their place in an organized network of relationships; they live by the values associated with the roles they’ve taken on. They want their behaviors to stand as evidence of right relationship to others. Feeling types use logic to assess their options, but they solve a problem by seeking consensus--talking to friends, asking colleagues for advice, getting a partners’ input. 

Claire Temple ISTJ [The Duty-Fulfiller]

ISTJs are unparalleled realists. However, they don’t concern themselves with external realities as such. They relate to facts about external reality. Outward predictability is important to them only insofar as events and experiences involve their primary interests and emotional investments. The very selectivity of the type’s sensations gives ISTJs an extraordinary capacity for detail in the areas that strike them as important. Their powers of concentration are unequaled--nothing escapes their attention. They don’t always understand what people want from them, and may be uncomfortable and awkward about conveying warmth apart from a situation of personal intimacy. ISTJs are not just conservators and loyalists. They are masters of gradual, almost imperceptible modification. 

Willis ‘Diamondback’ Stryker ENFP [The Champion]

Like ENTPs, they grasp patterns very quickly, but their interest in them is decidedly personal. ENFPs are in the moment. They focus with equal intensity on whatever and whoever catches their attention. They prefer to think on their feet, as a situation is happening. Moreover, they have a hard time sacrificing their options to an organized routine. Although ENFPs usually develop Introverted Feeling quite well, it takes them a while to recognize what it asks of them in the way of personal accountability. The ENFP’s outward focus takes it till. Given their awareness that circumstances are likely to change, they try to make their case broad enough to incorporate all possibilities. In consequence, ENFPs can end up talking a better game than they’re prepared to play. They’re shocked and disillusioned when things don’t work out as anticipated. 

Cornell ‘Cottonmouth’ Stokes ESTP [The Doer]

ESTPs are geared by their senses and enjoy action and stimulation. The ESTP is galvanized by Introverted Thinking toward situations involving risk, strategy, and serious competition. They like the thrill of the game, and they generally play out of their need for action and challenge. Introverted Thinking gives ESTPs a talent for evaluating the variables in a crisis situation, and they invariably respond with action. ESTPs are usually charismatic, often charming. An ESTP may be ruthlessly pragmatic, fully capable of depersonalizing a situation, seeing others as players in a game that inevitable results in winners and losers. ESTPs are drawn to immediate achievement. ESTPs generally have their own code of honor. It may not accord with collective mores and expectations, but is consistent and fiercely maintained--especially where loyalty to friends is concerned.

Descriptions from Lenore Thomson.

#Luke Cage #mbti #Mist Knight #cottonmouth #cornell stokes #claire temple #herman alvarez #shades #willis stryker #dimaondback #mariah dillard #ENTJ #ESTJ #ISTJ #ENFP #ESTP #ENTP #ESFJ