#he was weird about bonus points

[foolishaetherguardian]

So I went to a weird highschool.

And I don’t mean like weird by normal standards. I mean I have had my college friends consistently refer to my school as a cartoon school.

And I didn’t believe them until I had to explain the yearly events my school had. We had the normal stuff, homecoming, prom, mole day, etc. But we also had some weird stuff. Like the yearly crosstown scavenger race that was held on halloween and that you could win two letter grades worth of bonus points to applied to whatever classes you asked for it in, you could spend them in 5′s. It’s a schoolwide event. So the upperclassmen had the advantage of being able to drive, everyone else had to get an approved guardian to drive them. Oh and to participate you had to dress up in a costume fitting that years theme. Teams could be up to 8 but tended to be two couples and the matchmade pair. The matchmade pair is whoever the two couples wanted to get together so it was a massive event where couples tried to set up their friends with each other. But every year there were a few junior and seniors that were made “dream teams”. Like the smartest, most athletic, and the person with the fastest car all would team up to win.

Well come sophomore year and I know I am going to fail Geometry if I don’t get the bonus. It’s only October but I’m already floundering. I’m a sophomore. My group is mostly sophomores, but we all wanted to win at least once. We decide we’ll win this year. The scoring was broken down into getting the right time, the right mileage (the route was a secret and encoded so this was almost impossible to get right), completing all the tasks, and school based trivia (Like which teachers dated when they were in highschool? Who wore mascot outfit in 1999?). Because time and mileage were so difficult to get right the trivia and tasks tended to decide the winners. We couldn’t win trivia without cheating or stealing a senior and making a “dream team”. We would never stoop so low. So we decided to go for the perfect score in the other three categories, which had only been done once before in the 30 years our school had done this for. I was the navigator, Cade was the timekeeper, Dax was in charge of backtracking miles we missed, Daniel was in charge of tasks, Clayton was there as a limiter (keeping us from undershooting the time and mileage by taking short cuts) and we recruited the most dangerous approved guardian we could, Cade’s mom. None of us were really well equipped for our roles. This was our gamble. If she drove slowly or too fast we’d lose on time. But we all wanted to win. But we practiced, distance estimation, guessing destinations based off of context, tracking miles by block, tailing the route designer to figure out how fast she drove. The announcement of the theme was made. And we show up dressed as the dalmations from 101 dalmations with Cade’s mom, unprompted, showing up as cruella deville. We were the only unisex sophomore team that year. The senior’s had two dream teams, the genius twin’s team and the drama team, both of which we had ties too. The genius twins were close friends of mine and the drama team was just all around great people. But it didn’t matter if I liked Ben and Abby as people and if the drama team all were the biggest scariest teddy bears I’ve ever met. We had come to win.

We were slow out the gate, getting a starting place of like 23rd out of 36 cars. But that was fine. Fastest time didn’t win. Correct time did. We made it to the first task and blew it out of the water. We felt good. We make it to task two by a combination of good guesswork on my part and Dax figuring the miles that the official route would take. With the miles figured Cade figured how long we needed to loiter circling the block after arrival. Second task is ultimate frisbee against alumns. And this is where our refusal to make a dream team hits us. I’m not athletic. Dax would be if he wasn’t in a boot. Cade Danial and Clayton are our only real players here. Against 6 alumns, all of who had gotten basketball or track scholarships to big schools. We thought this would be where we lost. If we lost to much time scoring our three goals we’d lose the whole thing. We hadn’t left breathing room. There were also 3 other tasks. But we go all out. Dax plays back, acting as a relay to save the rest of us. I ran interception. Dax’s relays keep us in the game long enough to score. But we can’t get the frisbee back. So as per usual I do something stupid and get myself hurt. I sprint up in the blind spot of the target of the latest pass. We both go up. And I swat it. Then the 220 lb college basketball player lands on top of me. Me who weighs 120 lbs and am built like a twig at this point. My shoulder dislocates on impact. But we scored before anyone realized that my arm probably shouldn’t be in front of my shoulder, myself included. I’m a literature nerd, I read all sorts of books but I had recently been reading James Patterson. So I decide I’ll use the books description of how to relocate a shoulder and I pop it back in. And then the EMT, who the school has on call for this event, puts me in a sling and we keep going. The alumns let us score the last point as an apology. The next task is an alphabet shopping spree with a cost limit of 30 dollars. Cade’s mom takes the lead here. She finds brands we didn’t know existed and we complete it with enough money left over to spend W on a quart of whoppers. The next two event are easy enough, tag in an abandoned auditorium and a haunted house they had made in an old factory in the depot district. We get to the final destination and loiter. We are desperately doing math to figure out our desired arrival time. And it’s in two minutes. But our mileage is off. So we need to close the gap. Cade’s mom then pushes 70 up and down the nearest major street at nearly midnight, once again unprompted. And we come in and hand in our blank trivia sheet, 5 task badges, mileage and time. Tasks are perfect, time is perfect and mileage is correct. If no one else got 3 perfect out of 4 we’d win. Genius twins arrive next. They see us and laugh, goodnaturedly. We’d been joking about winning for the last month. And they handed in their trivia, 3/4 done, time a few minutes off, mileage well short, and task badges, all done. We smiled and ordered food at the restaurant that was our final destination. Two other senior teams arrive then the drama team arrives, perfect trivia good mileage, all five badges, time off by a half hour. We were pretty sure we won now. And so we all basically melted into the booth, shakes and burgers crowded in front of us like a 90′s teen drama dinner scene. Ben and Abby sat with us and ate as the rest of the teams who hadn’t quit, or DQ’d in two cases, trickled in. On Monday we heard the results, we had won. But because we had three perfect scores and one zero they decided to change the rules to evenly weight the categories next year. None of us on that team won again.

#long post #my school was normal #I swear #I also don't believe any one else on our team needed the bonus points #but I also never mentioned it #because everyone at that school got either straight A's #or were so athletic it didn't matter #so I just figured I was the only one who would ever actually use those points on a single class so I never have to repeat #I recall that Cade was valedictorian by 2 points #or something ridiculously low #so I think it might have actually helped him win those but #he might not have used them #he was weird about bonus points #that school is part of the reason I have no idea what normal is #I think #I assumed everyone under 6ft was short because everyone hit 6ft by sophomore #but me #so i assumed I was short #and I mean everyone. #Danial's girlfriend was taller than most guys I know now #same for a lot of the people in my class

[skuaclan]

Moon 2.

#skuaclan #warrior cats ocs #note 1: i mixed up which of foxfern's sides was grey whoops. i blame the weird perspective #note 2: when i say 'their' i just mean the loner! they're not cinder's. their parent was a stranger to him. (their name was procyon) #ravenkit #fogkit #foxfern #sunstar #bluekit #cinderplume #note 3: ive ambiguously aged up these kittens a bit for lore purposes to the extent where they can be weaned. so dont worry about it #theyre supposed to be newborns at this point ingame but the difference shouldn't really matter #i cannot be arsed doing a bunch of work to explain skuaclan finding an external nursing queen to temporarily feed them sorry lmfao #also i am assigning them pronouns out the womb so i dont gotta do it later on. @ ravenkit woe he/they be upon ye #if a cat changes gender later on i will account for that obv but im willing to let assumedly cis cats like raven and fox have bonus pronoun #just like. at random. if it seems an arbitrary good fit for the character i begin building in my brain #moonskip events

[rowan-guerrins]

people on tiktok well on all social media sites actually will loudly critique the fact some people (especially those who only watched the movies) “didn’t get the point of the hunger games” and then turn around and say gale is the worst person in the universe and treat him like he’s a monster, and that all these traits are innate characteristics completely isolated from the circumstances in which he lived and the people around him. like girlie i think maybe YOU didn’t get the point here either.

#obviously this isn’t to say you need to or were “supposed to” like gale #there are a lot of good reasons to criticize him. esp wrt his sense of entitlement to katniss. #but he’s not supposed to be a Villain™️ #like he’s a poor traumatized (brown coded) boy whose very valid anger was used to groom him into a perfect soldier. #kind of almost like it’s a critique on the militarization of young boys. esp those who are underprivileged. #which doesn’t excuse his actions & it doesn’t mean you have to like him #but it’s enraging when people act like he is a heartless monster who is unredeemable or whatever. like. oh that’s not…. #bonus points if they babygirlify cato and clove (and marvel and glimmer) and cry about how they’re just kids #+ “they were only the way they are bc of the capitol 🥺”. #like yes it’s a big point that they were kids groomed to be child soldiers because the capitol pressured and “rewarded” career districts #to churn out child soldiers and whatnot. but that. ok. #truly just how do you hold the belief that to an extent excuses them or at least makes them sympathetic— #—but then not extend that empathy to gale. side eye. #esp bc a lot of the stuff is taking potshots at gale to uplift peeta/everlark. #like. uh! okay! #obligatory disclaimer i don’t actually like gale. however i am at my limit on weird and bad and inconsistent takes on him. #yeah he sucks. almost like that’s because he was horrifically oppressed by the captiol + then was groomed to be the ideal soldier by coin. #crazy how that’s the point. #and AGAIN. doesn’t EXCUSE what he does. but it’s important to acknowledge bc it v much contextualizes who and what he is and does. #the hunger games #gale hawthorne #i don’t think i need to tag this in the anti tag but lmk

[littleogreboii]

beginning to realise i have a type when it comes to anime characters and it's boys who can play piano.

#soul eater #soul eater evans #d gray man #allen walker #trigun stampede #vash the stampede #ouran high school host club #ohshc #tamaki suoh #ohshc tamaki #like should have realised when i had a crush on soul and tamaki as a kid #bonus points if they have pronouns and by that i mean i have looked at them and assigned them trans which is most of them #oh god i almost forgot adrien #adrien agreste #miraculous ladybug #adrien isn't technically an anime boy but he's an anime fanboy so he counts #like when ml started coming out adrien had me in a chokehold #what's really funny is i was adrien's age when ml first aired and now i'm 22 #like i remember having a crush on him and now i'm just like 'haha that's my dumbass son' #which is super weird to think about #maybe i should add this to realisations i regret #also why do all these fucks have white/blonde hair #ok i think vash's hair technically goes black towards the end of the manga but stilllll

[obiwanobi]

AU (inspired by this amazing prompt) where the Force needs vessels to exist and each generation of Jedi has their Chosen One that they consider as a sort of deity with godlike powers to match their title. Order 66 is even more brutal than in canon and almost no Jedi survives, leaving Anakin as the last Chosen One, who knows he will disappear the second the very last Jedi forgets about him or dies.

Enter Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi, last ember of a dying age.

And if Anakin knows one thing, it's that he will do whatever he can to survive, even if it means making his last follower live eternally, or at least until a new Order is created with new followers.

He just never imagined that if Obi-Wan is devoted to the Force and to him, having such a personal and close relationship with only one worshipper also means that Anakin is devoted to him.

#nothing good can come out from a god being devoted to YOU #so that must be doing some weird things to Obi-Wan's sanity #we can go down the dark path of 'I only care about you let's destroy the rest of the galaxy because they almost left you to die' #BUT I do like a happy ending after a century or two #bonus points for anakin keeping obi-wan alive even after a new jedi order is built #and he has many new followers and even other chosen ones #but he still refuses to let obi-wan die #he's like 'he's my emotional support worshipper 🥰' #and obi-wan is behind him like 'worshipper 🙄 II just make caf for you in the morning and tell you to shut up when you need to hear it' #and the new Jedi are like 'master !! how can you speak to a chosen one like that? 😳' #and obi-wan is like 'I didn't ask to be kept alive for two centuries so if he makes his own rules now then I will be his punishment' #jedi: but that's-- THAT-S BLASPHEMY #anakin sighing dreamily: I love him so much ✨ #(obi-wan complains grumpily but he won't let his deity/lover alone) #(he knows he will live until anakin chooses to join the Force and follow him there too) #(so they can still be together even in the afterlife 😌) #obikin #clem's aus #fic i will never write

[manofmanymons]

imagine a digimon survive influencer/streamer au

I have a feeling Takuma and Saki would be great influencers as adults

would that really need to be an au I mean they are teenagers in 2020 XD

Minoru would have too much online presence. He has an action figure review channel. He posts pictures of himself with cool plants and freaky bugs and animals. He's a streamer. He makes comedy skits on <insert social media that's hip with the kids now>.

Saki lowkey being the Eiji Oji (twewy character) of their universe like she says a place is good and now everyone is going there.

What does Takuma do? Is he just like Hasan Piker (real person) or something lafdjakj

or idk if it was like full full au like the kemonogami thing never happened and they're just like people who meet first online through collabs and stuff

no idea how their different interests would lead them to each other but it'd be funny

well I mean obviously the kids from the same schools know each other and the literal siblings know each other but you know what I mea--

WAIT

I said siblings meaning Miu and Kaito at first but now I just

Professor Akiharu Minase somehow having an online presence and befriending everyone even in an au is so funny to me. Squad dad that everyone lovingly calls Gramps XD

What would that even make Miyuki would she like still be a kid and just be like an adopted daughter or something or would she just also be old lakfdja au with old lady Miyuki XD

Kaito is just Miu's overly aggressive mod that everyone has interacted with, but no one knows what he looks or sounds like. He simply An Entity to them for the longest time before they all start getting closer.

Kinda love the idea of some of them interacting irl without knowing it's the others because not all of them use their real faces and names. Like Shuuji and Aoi being friends online but also going to the same high school (randomly inserting personal hc that Aoi would go to Shuuji's high school after junior high since they're both honor students lmao) and maybe even being in a club together and just NOT connecting the dots. God them talking about each other TO each other would be hysterical.

What would they even do? Study tip instagram? Baking tutorial youtube channel? Cursed ASMR channel? Booktok????Are they both secretly gamers outside of school?

Or Minoru dragging Takuma to this weird middle of nowhere town that he heard about with a cool shrine that he wants to check out for a video. Just,,,them running into Miu and Kaito ("hey you're locals, right? Could you show us where the shrine is?") and the siblings recognize them bc they do totally post pics of themselves but they do not recognize the siblings whose faces they've never seen. Just casually being impromptu tour guides to the online besties and being too awkward to admit they know them.

Ryo somehow always ends up at the grocery store or the post office or doctor or whatever at the exact same time as Saki or Minoru and eventually they start to recognize him NOT as the guy they play <insert online multiplayer game that is hip with the kids these days. is it still fortnite? do the kids play league anymore? maple story?????> with but as the guy who keeps staring at them like he's seen a ghost when they're at the grocery store or the post office or doctor or whatever.

It'll be so funny when they eventually all finally arrange to meet in person. A lot of "ooooooh" and "YOU?!?!?!"

#digimon survive #i didn't wanna aggressively beat you over the head with ship stuff in the main post but like #genuinely how funny would it be #if takuma just straight up started messaging the group #about the cute guy he met that he was lowkey crushing on when minoru dragged him to a weird town for a day #just being like he kinda talked like <kaito's username> so maybe thats the voice i'll read his messages in from now on lol #miu is laughing so hard she cannot breathe #...bonus points for minoru being like bro i think he liked you too he was blushing the whole time #and miu just completely losing it #on the floor crying laughing

[trilobi-te]

Serval Cider. Cider being more or less canonically a furry is my favorite unnecessary plot detail in Chipspeech. I am a furry and I like to think about what different characters' fursonas might be and now I have been given an actual reason to do so.. yippee. I've been looking around to see if other people have made potential Cider fursonas and I found one on twitter from almost four years ago (it is a mouse/rat). Someone tell me if there are any others (or even any ideas floating around) because I am curious.

Furry time below the cut :3

Interestingly enough I had a decently hard time trying to figure out what Cider's fursona might be. This is probably because of my affinity for anthropomorphizations of weird creatures, which don't tend to frequently show up as fursonas (arise my Cambrian brethren). I have not ruled out the possibility of Cider being a weird creature but I could not think of one that fit him well enough. I went with a serval because he honestly kind of looks like one? I do not mean this in a bad way, I really like servals (same kind of cat as Sogga). He just has that vibe. Also he canonically likes cats so I don't think he'd object to it.

Now it's time for me to be boring. The reason I am such a fan of Cider being a furry is (predictably) the whole idea that furries run the tech industry. Afaik the evidence to back up this claim is almost entirely anecdotal, though that one survey from Furscience in 2011 said that around a quarter of all furries surveyed have a degree in tech (plus another ~quarter in other STEM fields) so there's at least one statistic out there. (Generally speaking the Furscience survey is pretty interesting to read through if you're interested in both statistics and anthro animals.) Honestly though the anecdotes seem to be enough to prove that, at the very least, a sizeable percentage of important individuals in tech that are furries given how prevalent they are. In short out of all of the fictional characters I know of the funniest one to make a furry is Cider. A fair amount of furry fandom history is also pretty Cider-adjacent. The way everything lines up is so nice. Fiction does not have to adhere to real world logic but I find it so much more fun when it does. My mind looks like one of those conspiracy boards with all the string connecting different scientific studies and Wikipedia articles I've read to the funni little blorbos. This is definitely normal I promise.

Behold some furry Cider tweets because they are funni (plus him saying he likes cats, that clyp was deleted but it can be inferred). "I was a scientist, last I checked ;)" lmao

Oughh I cannot draw in That Furry Style so I have broken out the chibi(?) style I rarely use because it fits the subject material (furries) better than my normal one? I'm so glad his eyes aren't visible because I can't draw eyes that match this style. The only character I regularly draw in this style is my own fursona but they don't count because their eyes are oversimplified to make up for all of the cephalon details that need outlines. I say this as if anyone knows what I'm talking about. Things I should practice but never do. Oh well. Also the headphones are placed relative to the ear canal at the base of the outer ear. I put them as high up as seemed realistically wearable. And look at the little apple it has ears. Kitty apple :3

Is this entire post going to read like word salad to everyone except me. Hopefully not. I really hope.

#TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK CIDER'S FURSONA IS >:3 #bonus points if it's a weird creature hehehehehe #the idea of a character that is canonically a furry (without any plot relevance) is just so funny to me in general #anyways imagine part of the reason Otto dislikes cats is because he somehow found out about Cider's feline fursona.. would be funni #canonically it's because cats are hard to control but I'm just thinking about him finding Cider in a fursuit and going “oh wtf” #chipspeech #cidertalk'84 #cidertalk84 #furry #furry art #posts by the bug

[pocket-prosecutor]

The days are getting shorter huh. Time to be sad about it!

Bonus:

The last two messages say:

M: That's OK. Do you know where the key is?

P: I'll find it! See you soon :)

#do you know that feeling when summer ends and you think oh nice autumn i love autumn it's always pretty! #and then you realise how much the shorter days affect your mood and you need a few days to get over that weird phase #definitely projection/coping art. again. today is just that kind of day #but man i rly wanted to make that bonus sketch bc miles deserves a loving (boy)friend who looks after him and thinks about him #at that point in their relationship where phoenix can come over when miles is tiny and miles is ok w him helping him #comfortable even. not only with getting help but just phoenix being around is kinda nice kinda neat #also dw he can definitely get down from the window thingy. he probably set up one of the aids he has to brood there for a bit #maybe they'll watch some tv together or maybe phoenix will make miles some tea. it's about the small things (pun not intended) #wereshifter miles au #aa g/t #g/t #aa gt #art tag #me finishing this mere minutes after the sun sets #symbolism

[sysig]

Hey there! Here to make my second request!

Naga Scri and Cleric Edgar. The prompt is Conversion. It's said that some Naga's are worshipped as deities and that definitely seems like something Scriabin would be into, specifically of Edgar. And it always seems to be a point of contention between them. Scriabin just wants Edgar to rely on him alone. lol The perks of worship are a secondary benefit.

Anyways, good luck! I'm excited to see what you come up with.

Day 10 - Allegiance

#My art #Requestober #Vargas #Edgar #Scriabin #It can be hard to refute with such in-your-face evidence #Alright I'll stop lol #So I mulled over the whole Naga as Deities thing and since I'm pulling so much from 5e I think I've decided on a direction to take it #Since Nagas are effectively a race it feels weird to me to single them out as minor gods - especially when there's already a pantheon lol #It'd be like worshipping Giants but like - your neighbor's a Giant that's just Steve lol #Nagas are just Some Guys™ and Scriabin's kind of a wimpy one at that lol #Or is he?? Maybe he would make a good patron???? Lol #Now that said there's all sorts of histories and mythologies and they can all coexist to Scriabin getting ahold of a text that deifies Nagas #Yeah that's absolutely a possibility lol #Bonus points if it's Edgar's and Scriabin swipes it and then taunts him about it lol #Feels like it could turn quite silly and flirty in that direction haha #But I decided on something a bit more serious for this one - more a conversation than a conversion haha #Edgar's loyal to a fault ♥ #But who knows maybe his isolation will chip away at him hmm #I do enjoy how entangled Scriabin is with him haha ♪ Head in his lap and tail on his leg #The rock texturing was fun too haha just futzed around #It's been ages since I've textured rocks! I really should return to it for realsies

[bonescribes]

thinking about the safe ending again, ready 2 scream

#❀ ooc . #it just. it makes me feel so much. can we talk about this really quick #like stay with me here stay with me #imagine ur light. and you get hella drugged and yeeted in a coffin #and bonus points if ur my light and u have claustrophobia #you wake up and everyone's acting weird around you and there's this pit sitting in your stomach and then MOTHERFUCKING HONGOU !!!! #ANNOUNCES THAT HE KILLED YOUR LITTLE SISTER WHILE YOU WERE ASLEEP #THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN THE WORLD TO YOU !!!! #and then on top of that the mf goes into EXCRUCIATING detail about stabbing her #obviously to get a rise out of him #and being all 'i have to confess it excited me :)' i will strangle u with my bare hands #light losing his fucking mind is so #chefs kiss mwah mwah #just the pure rage and agony #and all this culminating in hongou SHOOTING HIM FIVE TIMES #and light giving exactly zero fucks about this #grabbing him and holding him and KEEPING HIM IN THE INCINERATOR #HOPING THAT HE EARNS CLOVERS FORGIVENESS BY AVENGING HER #BLAMING HIMSELF FOR HER DEATH.... #HGHGHGHH #and what a terrible way to go !!!!!! uwarghghgh #(my light has faint memories of the safe ending send tweet)

[rainbowguillotine]

what do they say abt men with one arm tattoo? need 2kno cause it might apply to my own dad

there's a tumblr post that became a meme about how men with one (arm) tattoo are 1) bisexual 2) irreparably fucked up in some way or both :)

#bonus points if that One Tattoo is of the mark of Cain #which is both a biblical and Supernatural reference #Dean Winchester at some point bears the mark of cain and becomes filled with bloodlust i think?? #anyway. there are dudes out there who either relate to dean specifically or get the tattoo for the biblical reference #which is: the firstborn son of adam and eve in catholicism/christianity (cain) was the first murderer #he killed his own brother in a rage and lied to god about it #oh and if u wanna go even deeper #apparently mormons believe that bigfoot is Cain #and that he's destined to be a soulless creature for all eternity bc of what he did #so like. there's this (mostly white) western-religious subtext behind it as well??? #which is accompanied by (religious) trauma and severe repression among other things #american religion/pop culture is weird man. #writing out these tags makes me wanna go outside and touch grass but Alas. #it's almost 2am and 39degrees Fahrenheit #the worms are eating my brain it seems. #Asks

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

.

#suicide tw for the tags ahead #i have a friend. alice. i love her more than i love many people in the world #a couple months ago she tried to kill herself #i feel like i couldve stopped it. ive forgiven myseof now but theres still guilt #thats not the point of this post tho #she went to a mental hospital for a couple months and she just got out #thing is. i met her at the camp we work at. and im bad at keeping in touch with people #so after camp we texted a bit but we mostly lost touch #until one day my best friend said he was worried about her and she wasnt answering his texts ao i decided to text #she responded and we hung out the next day. thankfully. and the day after that she tried to kill herself #but she went to the mental hospital. but from then on we got closer #we were calling like twice a week and it was so nice. to have her back in my life. and i could tell she was doing a lot better #she was so much happier in our calls than id heard her be in a long time #it feels almost selfish to say this. and i know its not. but still #im glad she ended up in the hospital. she got the help she needed. and she and i got closer #im not glad she tried to kill herself. but im glad she got help. yknow? and. it was a nice bonus that we got closer #anyway the other day i fucked up. i missed some social cues and gave her bad news. and she ended up crying #i didnt know she was crying. i didnt realize id hurt her. so i said bye because i was at work #two days later she texted that what i did was fucked up and really hurt her. and we had a weird conversation about that #like she was obviously not in a good state of mind. that kind of weird. and then she stopped responding to my texts altogether #she said it was okay and she wasnt mad anymore. but i thought i lost this friend (again) that id just gotten back after almost losing #but tonight at 1am i got emotional and apologized again and told her i miss her and love her and hope shes doing okay #i wasnt expecting her to be awake but she was and she called me. and we had a good talk #we're okay. she was just having trouble keeping in touch with people because she was just discharged and it was a lot #she was doing okay but today was bad. she was drunk when i called. we talked for about 45 minutes and. it was good ti have my friend back #she said shes been doing better except for today. we talked about her mental health and we caught up and talked about camp a bit #anyway the whole point of this story was to say that im really happy we got to talk again. ive missed her so much #and talking to her made me really happy. and im so happy that shes alive. idk im very emotional rn #okay have a good night yall. i love you

[confused-wanderer]

No because I can’t be the only one who thinks that the other batkids mess with Damian’s non-existent knowledge of jokes and references. Each of the batkids already has their own niche of bad jokes they love saying. And Damian is just adding fuel to the fire by being an unsuspecting victim:

Dick: Knock knock

Damian *who’s seen Superman and Jon do this all the time* : .. who’s there?

Dick: Nobody

Damian: …nobody.. who?

Dick:

Damian: ?

Dick *keeping a poker face*

Damian: Grayson.. nobody who?

Dick *shaking with silent laughter before walking out of the room*

Damian: .. Grayson has lost what little brain cells he had left. Shame, it was the most anyone had in the family.

Alfred: Master Damian.. it is you who didn’t understand.

Damian: .. what?

Alfred *raises an eyebrow*

Damian:

Damian *realisation dawns*

Damian *marching out of the room while unsheathing his katana*

Alfred: Keep away from the carpet Master Damian.

OR

Jason: You know.. you always see flamingoes sleep with one leg lifted off the ground..why do you think that is?

Damian: .. you pose a good question for once Todd. I suppose it could be a form of protecting body heat.. what is the reason for this?

Jason *wheezing*: It’s ‘cause if they had both legs up they would’ve fallen over.

*doubles over laughing at his own joke*

Damian:

Jason *now fallen over, rolling on the ground*

Damian: This is why Father doesn’t love you.

It has also led to an unintended common ground between him and Tim, who are both just so done with the rest of the family. Stephanie is just waiting for the day Damian realises that Tim references vines almost everyday. She’s sure Tim’s going to lose a kidney when that happens.

Bonus points if Tim already does, but Damian just looks at him weird every time and just chalks it upto another “Tim thing” like:

Tim: .. it is Wednesday my dudes.. *screams*

Damian: … Drake it’s Friday. The only thing you succeed at is disappointing me.

OR

Tim: Do it for the vine.

*jumps into blazing fire with a bomb hidden somewhere in the building about to collapse without informing anyone or taking proper equipment to find said bomb*

Damian: Father told me I must not hate you, but if you were on fire, and I had a glass of water.. I would drink it.

And

Tim *driving while in a high-speed chase with a villain about to summon the end of the world while the car is on fire*: Road work ahead? Uh yeah, I sure hope it does

Damian *over the comms* : Father I fear Drake has more brain damage than he usually does. I have genuine concern for my safety. If I kill him, you should know it’s in self-defence.

————-////

Edit: The first joke is a knock knock joke but when Dick says nobody it means nobody is at the door, so no matter how much you say “nobody who?” you won’t get a reply because there’s no one at the door. Hope this clears it up😅

#batman #dick grayson #jason todd #nightwing #red hood #tim drake #batfam #bruce wayne #damian wayne #headcanons #robin!damian wayne #Damian al-ghul #red robin #Stephanie brown #spoiler

[u3pxx]

“Thanks a bunch, Trucy,” Apollo muttered through chomps of his bagel. Her bounciness jolted to a stop, her stare locking onto Apollo. It was as if Apollo had grown another head. At this point, anything was possible. “You called me Trucy,” she plainly stated. “Yes, is that not your name?” He smiled the best he could at her, though Klavier could see the sweat pooling at his forehead. “It’s not that,” she continued. “You always call me Frau Wright, or Frau Magician. I’ve never heard you use my first name.”

new chapter update for @strawberricakeandpie's fic, turnabout on a friday! last time @taxkha drew the chapter art and now it's my turn once again! don't mind that the style changed from the first spot art i drew haha don't mind th

extra stuff under read more ;^P | like what i do? support me on ko-fi!

i can't think of much to say about drawing this, so many things have happened since this piece that i kind of, don't remember much of the drawing process ASKSKS

i did remember that i used a new pen for inking this one! watch out for that in future spot art made by me because i shrimply can't help myself. sometimes i draw with a pen for months and months and suddenly i hate how it feels, i'll have to not use it for a long time before my brain decides that that pen is okay again, it's weird pftt

i do enjoy the color's for this one!!!!! i'm so enamored with that shade of purple i used on klav and the light blue i used on trucy. apollo!klavier nervously eating his bagel in the background was so funny to me pftt

and a lil bonus thing, as you may or may not have noticed, i usually draw apollo with a yellow pupil, and since he's in klavier's body...

klavier!apollo also has a yellow pupil! i usually give klav a blue one so teehees :^]

i think giving body-swapped characters little traits of each other is pretty fun! i've been doing it with klav!apollo's two strands of hair that keep sticking up and apollo!klav's bottom lashes pftt

if you managed to read this far and still have not read the fic, what're you doing man!!!

#ace attorney #apollo justice #klavier gavin #trucy wright #klapollo #klapollo minibang 2023 #klapollomb23 #klavier x apollo #apollo x klavier #kyodoroki #sunnysidedraws #sunnysideattorney #described #id in alt text

[xiao-come-home]

Boothill relationship headcanons;

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✰ Characters: Boothill x reader.

✰ Words: ~1k.

✰ SFW+N//SFW ; SFW mentions no pronouns or gender of the reader. N//SFW section was written with fem!reader in mind.

Warnings: THIS HAS A NSFW PART. MINORS AND AGELESS BLOGS skip this section if possible. some of these hc are based on this post, since i wanted to write a little more about it.

A/N: BRAINROT gRR he truly gives me doctor by Miley Cyrus vibes. idk how to explain it but take it

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Boothill:

SFW

he's such a gentleman! opens doors for you, pulls out a chair, kisses your hand when he sees you first for the day, it doesn't get boring for him at all. if you ignore some of his unhinged behaviors, then he's a perfect man.

like i mentioned in my previous post, he's VERY possessive of you. he does like to go to unknown clubs or bars with you to try out their best drinks in his spare time, though he doesn't have you attached to his hip (even.. if he wouldn't probably mind at all), he does keep a sharp eye on you. if a weird guy approaches you and you're clearly uncomfortable, he tries to intimidate the guy away and clearly let him see that you're his (aka placing his arm around your waist and pushing you into him), if being polite doesn't work, well, they have a rough night. not in a good way.

this man SCREAMS BACK HUGS!! since his body is like 90% metal and machines, he loves to embrace you from behind and wrap his arms around your tummy, while his chin rests on your shoulder. he misses the softness of his own skin, so having you gives him a lot of comfort; the warmth you're radiating makes him reluctant to ever pull away. boothill often finds himself touching his cheeks with his robotic arms, when they get warm enough - the feeling almost long forgotten in his mind.

speaking of back hugs: he's also very big on neck kisses, mostly giving than receiving, depending on how he feels, they're either very innocent and loving - very soft, paired with butterfly kisses, or biting you and then kissing it better, when things get steamy.

boothil finds it funny when his hair tickles you when he hugs you from behind. if he's feeling particularly like a little shit that day, he can annoy you the entire day like that, only to respond with "hmm? what do you mean? I'm not doing anything, baby!" ...don't tell him his smirk gives it away, but honestly, at this point, he probably doesn't try to hide it that well.

he DOES slap your ass when you go past him. EVERY time. it doesn't get boring for him, he likes the sound it makes AND how soft it is, bonus if it jiggles, then he's even more proud. he might offer "an apologetic massage," which you rarely agree to (but he'll try until u say yes).

if someone ever tinkers with his Synesthesia beacon, he cannot swear for his life. you might catch him trying to cook, spilling something, and then hearing loud "YOU LITTLE DAISY FLOWER! CUTIE PIE! CURSED FROG!" it's kinda impressive how colorful they can get...

speaking of his voice, he's probably able to manipulate it so it sounds the best according to your taste. although his flesh heart has been gone for so long, he still feels that familiar, warm feeling and squeeze of his own, mechanical one, when your answer is always the same - to modulate it so it sounds the closest to what it used to be, or that the current one is just as pleasant to hear.

he likes to kiss you. no matter where, or when. if he wants to, he'll get one, pressing you against him, cupping your face with one hand, and kissing your puckered lips. once you give in, he kisses you properly, caressing your cheek ever so slightly to ease any discomfort left, only to hold you tightly on your hips and whimper on purpose just to tease you more (i believe in boothill is a little shit theory).

if we assume his face is the only human part of him left (besides his eyes). In that case, he just truly loves the softness of your lips on his. he kisses you as much as he can, and will get all fussy and whiny if he doesn't get his good morning kiss, we-see-each-other-for-the-first-time-today kiss (note: this is not the same as good morning kiss), goodnight kiss and so on. yes, he could get it by himself, but he wants it from you first. he's just very stubborn.

watch out! he likes to draw blood on your lower lip when his intrusive thoughts win. he licks the blood off later, and gives it a loving kiss.

his hair is genuine, so he loves whenever you play with it, brush it, or take care of it in general. it's probably one of the very few human features of his, so if your boothill lets you carefully pamper it, let alone without flooding his cords, he's not only very impressed, but also very willing to indulge in more sessions.

finds it absolutely adorable when you wear his hat when he isn't looking. or, well, when you think he isn't looking.

N/SFW. minors and ageless blogs shoo!

the council has decided that he has a vibrator in place of his real junk. but if you're into experimenting and want him to feel a bit more, hm, natural - he's more than happy to change his parts. shape, size and pace - everything for his lady.

you can probably guess, but that's an absolute ass man. he sees you in tighter pants that hug you just so nicely and might go feral.

eats pussy like a starved man. he has no shame and licks, sucks, and fucks you with his tongue and THE SOUNDS could put the devil himself to shame. boothill always wants everyone to know that you're his, how you scream and moan for him, so in return - he never lets a drop of your juices go to waste, slurping and moaning into your slit.

he's literally so flexible, that he'll fuck you in every position you want him to. if it means he'll get deeper, he's on board. and probably on top of you too.

likes to grope you through your clothes. sounds very tame, but it really gets him going, and might sometimes cause trouble in public.. unless you WANT that trouble.

adding to the headcanon above - he truly just gets turned on by your skin, especially imperfections. stretch marks? he'll kiss them all, scars? he has them all memorized. when he touches you through your clothes, he already remembers what is where, it's like he's edging himself knowing that soon enough he'll undress you completely and see it clearly; he quite literally worships what truly makes you... you.

he. is. so. SO over when you pull on his hair. when you make out, when he fucks you - doesn't matter. DO IT and he'll go absolutely crazy, hissing in pleasure and grinding into you.

#honkai star rail #honkai star rail x reader #hsr x reader #boothill #boothill hsr #boothill x reader #.headcanon #oops #gif by @/freyito!!

[e-m-ma-lmfao]

Much Too Kind

pairing : astarion x (fem) reader

summary : astarion has found a soft spot for a girl who is much too kind for her own good, too trusting, in such a gruesome world.

warnings : astarion bites.

a/n : i haven't played baldurs gate (so i apologize for my lack of knowledge) but astarion is consuming my brain.

“Do you honestly feel safe sleeping with him sitting this close by?”

“He’s done nothing but help us this whole time, why would I not?”

“Because he’s a vampire?” Shadowhearts face is blank, speaking as though her words shouldn’t need to be spoken, an obvious thought. She stares into you, awaiting a proper answerings, and she almost scoffs when she doesn’t get what she wants. In return you roll your eyes, continue to ready yourself to sleep. 

When you feel that you're ready to go to bed, Shadowhearts voice is unheard. She is already situated inside of her bedroll, which she had set up farther away from the fire than you liked, in a way of protecting herself from a seemingly harmless Astarion. In all fairness, you have probably been too trusting in the man. But how could you not?

He had been such a tease since the moment you met him. Because he seemed to annoy you, he never left your side. But you quickly grew fond of the pale man, and it was suddenly you who couldn’t leave his side. Astarion had no problem with this, and a weird fondness began brewing in his chest whenever he was around you. He had a burdening soft spot for you unlike anyone else. He couldn’t even bring himself to feed around you in case he scared you off, feeling an unprecedented amount of fear of losing you. The relationship you shared was teetering on a very thin line of romance and teasing gone too far. 

The two of you were an unlikely pair. Astarion was manipulative, and you knew that from watching him work, but he never used it on you (as far as you knew). He viewed you as too sweet for your own good, taking it upon himself to keep you from danger. In all honesty, you probably didn’t need him for that. Sure he helped when you were obviously being lied to and couldn’t tell but you could hold your own in battle just fine. From your point of view he was nothing but trustworthy and helpful. Shadowheart, your ever protective friend, had a hard time seeing the same thing. 

But when you made a fuss about having to sleep in your armour, unlike Shadowheart who had no problem with the matter, he had offered up a spare shirt. You weren’t sure where it had been beforehand but it was comfy, with undone strings hanging from the neckline, and it was large enough to go down to your mid thigh which was perfect. And his scent covering it was an added bonus. You had never thought much about it, but you never wore your heavy pants to sleep, being too hot inside your stuffy bed roll. 

You were usually asleep before everyone else, and the first to wake in the morning, so this never proved to be a problem. And, if you had to think about it, you were usually in a tent by yourself. But with only Shadowheart and Astarion around you didn’t see a problem. 

But when you crawled into your bedroll, at a middle distance between Astarion propped up against a log by the fire and Shadowheart sleeping farther from him, you began to see the problem. Shadowhearts words from before were dug into your brain, what if Astarion was dangerous and he did end up hurting you in your sleep just like she had said. You had never felt any fear towards the man, but her words had planted an unfamiliar distrust in your head.

You were dangerously aware of every noise around you. Unable to sleep, because of your focus on everything around you. The soft snores from Shadowhearts bedroll, and the quiet hum from a bored  Astarion playing with the fire. As long as he was by the fire, seated much too close for comfort now, you thought you’d be able to hear him coming. You think everything is fine, but being so edge you catch the smallest sounds, and you shoot up at the sound of a twig snapping. 

“My, my. Such a light sleeper my dear.” You turn towards Astarion, breath heavy, and a guilty feeling festering in your lower stomach. He’s almost exactly where he was when you first laid down. There’s a smug grin written on his face and you’re not sure why, though you don’t have the energy to question it. With sleepy eyes, you look around once more searching for anything out of the ordinary in the darkness, but you turn back to Astarion in the end. 

“I can’t sleep.” He throws another piece of wood on the fire, the light dancing across his face in pretty patterns from the dispersed light, his white shirt untied just enough to see his collarbones and the beginning of his chest. The sight alone has thrown the tenseness away from your body, and your muscles soften up, posture loosening. 

“And is there any reason in particular?” You meet his eyes again, a flurry of heat covers your cheeks, the look in his eyes telling you that you had been caught ogling him. “You seem so on edge, darling.”

He’s seated, practically the same height as you while he lays against the log, but it feels like he’s staring down at you. His fangs show as he parts his lips in a small, condescending grin. 

“I’m just not used to sleeping out in the woods s’all.” He nods, he doesn’t believe you, and you can understand why because you’ve only been camping in the wild for weeks by now. 

“Are you sure that's all? Cause I believe I heard that vile woman over there talking about a ‘bigger threat’ than whatever’s out there.” He gestures to Shadowheart and the dark, full woods around you. 

You shake your head, pout on your face, nervous that he would think differently of you if he knew what was actually going through your head. He was perceptive enough and, unbeknownst to you, you were an easy read. Of course he had heard the two of you talking, and he knew that you had not spoken ill of him, but it was so fun to tease you. And he knew you had grown nervous in his presence. 

“You’re not worried because of me are you?” Your eyes widen and you shake your head once more. There was  concern written all over his features, the crinkle in between his brows and his parted lips. To anyone else his concern would look fake, you were certain it was real. And to him, it was somewhere in between. He did feel something for you that put him in an unfortunate position, but the idea that you were scared of him sent misery through his bones.

“No of course not!” The comfy bedroll you had been laying in, shimmies down your legs as your torso tightens up again and your posture becomes much too straight for your liking. 

A soft sigh leaves his mouth, “Would you come sit over by me? You feel so far away.” His lips curve at the corners when you seem to think for a moment, but ultimately stand up. You bunch your bedroll up in your arms, not wanting to sit on the rocks. And when your eyes meet his again, he's already eyeing up your legs, you feel suddenly much too exposed. The night air nips at your skin and you hurry over to the spot beside him, throwing the bed roll on the ground and sitting on top of it. 

“Didn’t need to bring that over, silly girl. There’s a perfectly fine seat right here.” His eyes look down to his lap then back up to you, your face flush again. 

“I’m okay here,” You regret looking at him when you see his eyes plead with you, “..For now.” 

He really was cunning. You figured he was scheming. But he truly had no intention of misleading you, just wanted you close. He couldn’t help that he found it so cute how nice you were. Too nice in his opinion. Dangerous world out there, he was just trying to teach you who you could and couldn’t trust. Maybe you would get into more trouble, if you always trusted men like him.  

But no danger if you never have to think about other men. 

“Do you believe the things she says?” His eyes stared into the fire, but you couldn’t take your eyes away from him, that guilty feeling was growing in your stomach. “I know you must not trust me, at least not fully.”

You stay silent, you’re almost scared to talk, in fear you offend him anymore then you already have. You pull your knees up to your chest, arms wrapping around your legs, guilt eating away at your insides. 

He looks at you now, with his eyes he traces your legs where your shirt no longer hangs enough to cover you, up to your face that wears a pout and tired eyes. “Do I scare you?” 

“No!” You sit up onto your knees, facing him fully. “No! I’m sorry Astarion, if i made you feel that way..”

He almost feels bad for a moment. You were too sweet, and while yes he had been worried for a moment, he was only teasing. 

In your moment of weakness, and putting yourself in an easy position, he grabs you to pull you onto his lap. Where he has wanted you all along. Both thighs on either side of his seated form, face much closer to his own than you ever planned on being. His shirt, adorning your body, hangs down your thighs and rustles against his legs. 

“Could you..promise?” His voice is so smooth, and his eyes look so alluring in this position, his hands planted on your hips. Your breath is caught in your throat when he asks, you aren't so sure that your answer before is entirely truthful now. He has too much control of this situation, and it is making you nervous, more nervous then before if that was even possible. 

“I..I promise. Of course, I promise!” You're in such a compromising position and you wish you had slept with pants on. It’s much too cold out on your bare skin, but being on Astarions lap is making your body much too hot.

“Very good.” His head moves closer to you, pulling your body into his and sending shivers down your spine. 

“Astarion!” Your hands find his shoulders, trying to put distance between you but his hold is strong. He has got you where he wants you and there is no way he will be letting you go. His face buries itself in your neck, breath tickling your skin and his nose leaving soft touches against you. 

“You smell..delicious.” His voice was sultry, and so suggestive. You knew what he wanted, had been waiting for the moment he would say something. He was a hungry man with an uncomfortable amount of power over you. And your neck was looking awfully inviting. You hated that he had you feeling so many things, for a man who was so obviously trying to take advantage of you. 

He may have thought you were naive but you were smart enough to know what this vampire wants from you. Even though you were debating allowing it just so he would be happy and full, it tugged at your mind that he might just be using you for this purpose.

Shadowheart may have been right about him being a threat while you slept, but right now he was just as threatening. Would it hurt when he sunk his teeth into your skin?

As if he suddenly became more conscious in his actions, he pulled away, breath heavy against you. “I’m sorry, you are just such an appetising little thing.” He places a soft kiss to your cheek, your silence beginning to fill him with the same guilt you were feeling. He wasn’t sure why. This is what he wanted, sure he had grown fond of you but this is what he needed from the beginning. But it didn’t feel right anymore, not with the way you were so pliable in his hands, allowing him to tease you just so you wouldn’t offend him. 

“Are you hungry?” Your voice, surprising him, sends his eyes straight to yours. You couldn’t possibly be considering what he thought you were. 

“Yes darling, but don’t you worry your pretty head about it.” He lets out a heavy sigh, planting more kisses on your cheek down to your jaw. His attempt to distract you almost works but you gently move your face away, pulling your hair away from your neck. 

“Could I help?” You looked at him with a warmth in your eyes, one he hadn’t seen from anyone but you for years. Your devotion to him pulled at his heart, you were so willing to help him without even knowing if it would hurt or not. 

“You would do that..for me?” His hand finds your cheek, voice sending gentle vibrations through you. You can only nod, scared that if you speak it’ll be nothing above a whisper. 

He takes your hair from your hand, holding it out of his way. A gentle kiss to your cheek. Another on your jaw. And he moves them all the way down to your neck where he intends to bite. 

‘Astarion?” 

“Yes, my dear?” He pulls away, and you can tell it pains him to by the look of disappointment on his face, lips too pouty for how tough he always tries to act.

“Is it going to hurt?”  His eyes are so soft when he looks at you, even though he wants nothing more than to sink his fangs into your flesh. 

“I’ll try to make it painless, but you can hold my hand, yeah?” You nod and intertwine your fingers with his, scared but determined to make him happy. 

He returns to his place in your neck, places a soft kiss before he sinks his teeth into you. Immediately, your fingers squeeze his own and he sends a squeeze back so you know he’s there. He almost feels bad, whimpers falling from your lips, but you taste so delectable that he can’t bring himself to. 

Astarion continues to drink, and you allow it. You only make an effort to stop him when you become dizzy, and your head becomes too heavy for you to hold on your own. Your grip on his hand loosens, and you use his other one to tap at his arm. It seems to snap him out of his trance cause he pulls away, licking his lips. 

“You taste as good as I had hoped you would.” A drowsy smile crashes against your face and your chest swells with pride, but you can’t bring yourself to say anything. The energy is gone from your body. You know he wouldn’t have killed you, but any longer and you wouldn’t be in any condition to fight the next day. You didn’t know if you would be as is. 

Astarion seems to notice, and he moves you to sit inside your bed roll. Your hand still holds his, and you lay on your side to face him. 

“Such a sweet thing,” he rubs your hair flat with his free hand, admiring your sleepy features in the fire light, “Sleep my dear. I’ll keep you safe.”

#x reader #astarion x reader #baldur's gate 3 #baldurs gate astarion #bg3 #astarion #fem reader #female reader #oneshot #fluff #drabble